#benefits of cross posting I guess

[numbuhbee]

Why does uploading things to ffn have to be so hard. Why did I have to go and add all the italics back in.

[hoonharem]

recs

📓 all sunghoon, 18+.

tags: smut, fave (★)

—

❕ all are smut and sunghoon x reader (afab).

🔍 full warnings on original posts; read at your own risk.

—

📓 no to minimal plot

» we can’t be friends ★ (421, ex bf!hoon)

» guilty as charged (486, somnophilia)

» now he knows (943, jealous!hoon)

» good guys could never (1.3k, brother’s friend!hoon)

» bratty baby (1.4k, tamer!hoon)

» fuck me like a slut (1.4k, bf!hoon)

» you're on my mind and i want you as mine (1.4k, fwb!hoon)

» insatiable (1.5k, fingering)

» only you (1.6k, jealous!reader)

» you get me so high all the time (1.6k, smoking)

» what are friends for? (1.8k, bff!hoon)

» dangerously (1.8k, bf!hoon, angry sex)

» agora hills (1.9k, idol bf!hoon, somnophilia)

» missed you (1.9k, sub!hoon)

» bestfriend's older brother (1.9k, bff!taesan)

» sample session (2.1k, doctors)

» drip, drip, drip (2.1k, cunnilingus)

» i hate valentine's day (2.1k, bf!hoon)

» pretty boy in glasses, please save me ★ (2.2k, idol!hoon)

» heaven (2.2k, infidelity)

» carnal (2.3k, stepcest, dubcon)

» fuck boy next door (2.7k, tutor!hoon) 1/2

» fuck boy next door (3.3k, tutor!hoon) 2/2

» mine (2.4k, jealous!hoon, ex bf!jake)

» into it (2.6k, frat boy!hoon, fwb)

» all of you (2.7k, bf!hoon)

» subscriber benefits (2.8k, camboy!hoon)

» vacation (2.9k, bf!hoon)

» the lion and the lamb (3k, vampire!hoon)

» pent up (3.2k, idol!hoon, threesome with hee) 1/2

» first and last (3.4k, past love)

» tease (3.5k, possessive!hoon)

» six feet under (3.5k, cheating!hoon)

» okay (3.6k, fwb!hoon, hurt/comfort)

» drawn to you ★ (3.7k, cheating!hoon)

» always and forever (4k, makeup sex)

» cabin fever (4k, bf!hoon)

» conceal (4k, popular!hoon)

» look closely (4k, jealous!hoon)

» car sex (4.3k, street racer!hoon)

» picturesque (4.6k, bf!hoon)

» hard (4.9k, neighbor!hoon, threesome with jay) 1/3

» sweat (5k, neighbor!hoon) 2/3

» mark me yours (5k, idol!hoon, jealousy)

» scream (5k, bf!hoon, horror movie reference) 2/2

» liar, sweetheart (5.1k, twins!hoon, rivals to lovers)

» own little porn star (5.1k, professor!hoon)

» cool with you (5.6k, pervert!hoon)

» little bit of affection (5.7k, manager!hoon)

» bed (7.8k, fiance!hoon)

📓 with plot

» night shift (4.5k, camboy and boss!hoon)

» teach me, please (5.3k, student!hoon) 1/1

» teach me, please (5.1k, student!hoon) 2/2

» are you? (5.7k, bf!hee, reader cheats with hoon) 1/1

» are you mine? (2.5k, ex bf!hee, cheating with hoon) 2/2

» nudes i can't send ★ (6.4k, ex bf!hoon)

» blessed cursed (6.6k, demons, threesome with hee)

» say my name ★ (6.9k, neighbour!hoon, enemies to lovers)

» young, dumb, and full of (8k, pornstars, hyungline!fivesome)

» meddle about ★ (9k, fwb!hoon, threesome with hee) 1/2

» meddle about (with me) ★ (11.9k, fwb!hoon, ex bf!hee) 2/2

» first date etiquette ★ (9.3k, neighbor!hoon)

» forbidden attraction (9.3k, ravenclaw!hoon)

» cross the line (10k, a/b/o, threesome with hee)

» cherry pits (12.9k, dilf!hoon)

» get you better (13.6k, bf!jake, reader cheats with hoon)

» release me, embrace me ★ (15k, a/b/o, bff’s brother!hoon)

» pink whitney ★ (19k, brother's friend!hoon)

» one of the damned girls (20.4k, vampire!hoon)

» i’ll love you forever ★ (21.8k, bff!hoon, fake dating)

» gods and monsters ★ (23k, stepcest, love triangle) 1/3

» heaven and back ★ (24k, stepcest, love triangle) 2.1/3

» serial sweetheart ★ (23.6k, bf!hoon, reader cheats with jake)

» the boy next door trope ★ (26.5k, figure skater!hoon)

» deep end (36.6k, summer fling)

📓 hard thoughts, drabbles, etc.

» 24/7 thinking about you

» dirty girl (phone sex)

» jealous sex

» riding sunghoon's nose

» riding sunghoon's abs

» tired!sunghoon

» sweet bf!sunghoon

» ceo!sunghoon

» husband!sunghoon ★

» exboyfriend!sunghoon

» pussy drunk!sunghoon

» ravenclaw!sunghoon

» ovulating!reader ★

» cheating!reader

» high sex drive!reader

» favorite places to lick

— 📔 hyung line

» shared girlfriend (1.6k, gangbang, bf!hee)

» first time blowjob

» favorite positions

» member guessing by having sex

» cam boys

—

❕ part 2 will be out soon.

[rangerbarbz]

Mail Call

Here is my first Stan fluff because my mans deserves some love. Let me know what y'all think and thank you so much for all the support. I love you forever babes <3 (I didn't look over this so i apologize if there's any grammatical errors or typos)

“Mail Call”

You worked for the Post Office at Gravity Falls, Oregon, and you absolutely loved it. It was a relatively easy gig that had great benefits. Plus, you got to meet some “interesting” people to say the least. One of those people was the owner of the Mystery Shack himself, Stan Pines. 

You delivered mail to the Mystery Shack every day but Sunday, so you saw him quite a bit. The first time you met him, he happened to be outside with a young boy and girl who you assumed were his grandchildren. You parked your mail truck beside the mail box and reached behind you for a package addressed to 618 Gopher Road. 

Your presence caught the attention of the young girl who began running over to you. The older man was right behind her with an unhappy expression on his face. “Good afternoon! Is this for you, sweetie?” you asked the girl. She was beaming at you with a glimmer in her eyes. 

“Yup! Thank you mail lady!” She snatched the package excitedly from you and started to turn around, but was blocked by the older man who now had his arms crossed. 

“What is that and how did you pay for it?” he asked, scrunching his eyebrows together. You were surprised by the depth and raspiness of his voice. It was quite attractive, if you were being honest. 

“It’s pig shaped cookie cutters for my new baking show I’m filming with Waddles, and I paid for it with your credit card. Okay, bye!” she said all in one breath. Before he could even respond, she was bolting around him to get inside the house. The man sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“Is she your granddaughter?” you asked. He looked at you like he had forgotten you had been standing there. 

“Ah no. Mabel’s actually my grand niece” He chuckled. “Good kid when she’s not spending my money.” 

You laughed and glanced up at the broken sign above you two. “I’ve actually never been here before. You work here?” 

He scoffed. “Work here? I own this place, toots. I’m Mister Mystery himself.” He was grinning from ear to ear. You held your hands up in defense.

“Oh, I didn’t realize I was in the presence of a celebrity,” you replied jokingly. He laughed in return.

“Name’s Stan Pines.” He held out his hand towards you. You smiled and reached out towards him. The size difference between you two was made even more obvious when you wrapped your hand around his to shake it. You introduced yourself to him, but he raised an eyebrow and leaned in closer to you. You realized that he had not heard you and repeated yourself. 

“Huh. Pretty name,” Stan said, releasing his gentle grip. You let your hand fall to your side and began to play with a stray thread from the seaming of your work pants. Was he making you nervous?

“Thank you, Stan. Yours too.” He laughed once again and gazed down at his shoes. You suddenly heard a fire alarm blaring from an open window followed by black smoke.

Stan groaned. “I better go see what the hell that kid’s doing. I, uh. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” His eyes crinkled as he smiled. “Hopefully with no more packages that is.”

You giggled. “I cannot guarantee any more packages, but I will 100% be seeing you tomorrow.” 

He winked at you. “I’ll be looking forward to it.” You felt your cheeks grow hot as you gave him a little wave goodbye and entered your mail truck. He was giving you a toothy grin and waving back at you. What you didn’t see was him wiping the sweat from his brow and palms. Very few people made Stan Pines nervous, and you had become one of them. 

The next few weeks, you continued flirting back and forth with each other. It became the highlight of your day when you stopped at his mailbox to already see him standing there. He always asked you how your day was before telling you some outrageous story. Some days it was about a kooky visitor at the Mystery Shack while others it was You enjoyed listening to his gravelly voice and watching his borderline theatrical gestures as he spoke. 

He was undeniably sexy for a man his age. His glasses accentuated his strong jaw, and his thick ashy hair was to die for. You also found his blunt personality and his confidence to be alluring. You only ever saw him in his Mr. Mystery suit, but you weren’t complaining. It helped show off those muscles from his boxing days, and he always looked so sophisticated.

One day when you drove your usual route around Gravity Falls and stopped at the shack, he wasn’t there. You frowned and looked around to see if maybe he was walking up to you. Alas, you couldn’t find him. You put his electric bill in his mailbox and left wondering where he could be. 

You eventually returned to the post office after tapping anxiously on your steering wheel the entire time driving back. You stepped out of your mail truck and walked into the office to begin sorting packages. 

The bell above the door jingled meaning someone had walked in. “Hello, welcome to the Gravity Falls Post- Stan?” You had turned around to see him standing sheepishly in a Hawaiian shirt and shorts. He was missing his fez and you got to see his thick gray hair. In his hands, he was holding an envelope decorated with shiny, brightly-colored stickers.

A slight blush started to spread across his face. “Hey, Doll. Sorry I didn’t see ya earlier today. I was working on this letter.” His eyes wouldn’t meet you. This wasn’t the suave man you usually spoke to. 

You grinned. “Stanley, you know you could’ve just put that in the mailbox, and then I would’ve come to get it, right?” He snorted and shook his head.

“Yes, smartass, I am aware.” He approached the counter that you were standing behind. “I came here because this letter is for you.” You could feel your face heat up as he handed you the sparkly envelope still not looking at you. 

“You… You wrote me a letter? Why?” you asked, running your fingers over the pink letters that spelled your name. Stan then turned his head to you and shoved his hands in his pockets. 

“Look, I, uh,” he paused, “I like you. Our talks make me… happy. And… Oh just read the damn letter! That’s why I wrote it anyway. I’m no good at these things.” He crossed arms in frustration. He scoffed. “If you don’t feel the same, that's fine. I mean who would? Especially-”

“Stan!” you interjected. His eyes met yours. You gave him a reassuring smile. “I like you, too. Like a lot. Between the looks and personality, it was impossible not to fall.” You couldn’t believe you just said that last part out loud. Hopefully you didn’t scare him off. 

Stan gave you a toothy smile and rubbed the back of his neck. His face was beet red. Frankly, it was very satisfying to see him so flustered. “Well, thank you, Doll. You’re a babe, too. Inside and out.” 

You giggled at his strange way of complimenting you. “Thank you, Stan. You’re a sweetheart. I can’t wait to read this letter on company time.” 

Stan laughed. “That’s my girl,” he said as he began walking out the door. He opened it and before he left he said, “You should come over after your shift is done. I know Mabel is dying to hear what you thought of her handiwork there.” 

“I’ll be there.” 

“Good. I’ll see you then, Doll.” He gave you a slight wave and shut the door behind him. You could hear the sound of him yelling “YES!” from the other side. As soon as he peeled off in his Diablo, you carefully opened the envelope to reveal a piece of notebook paper with just as many stickers. It said in the same pink ink your name was written:

Dear Y/N,

I hope you don’t think I’m some dork for writing you a letter instead of telling you face to face how I feel about you. I’m a little rusty in the romance department. I wanted to tell you that I always look forward to our talks. I never thought I would crush on someone who delivers me bills and tax forms. What are the odds?

You make me feel young again. I like how you cut up with me and how you don’t treat me like some old man. I like how kind you are to the kids and how you make my pacemaker work extra hard. I really hope you will come around more often. I also wanted to invite you on a date this Saturday night out of town. I’ll pick you up. You do enough driving. Plus, only tools don’t pick up their date. 

Love, 

Stanley Pines

P.S. I think you’re cute in your work uniform despite what you think. 

[bunnys-kisses]

kink-o-ween - day twenty-two

george russell - mirror sex

tags: pwp/smut, insecure!reader, mirror sex, praise, established relationship, loving!george, teasing, doggy style, pull out method

a/n: heyyy, kinkoween is being finished (yay), october was a rough month for me. but i am back and ready to post the rest of it! thank you for the support and patience, it has really benefited me both emotionally and creatively!

kink-o-ween master-list

"what do you mean, my love?" george looked at you. an expression of worry crossed his handsome features.

you shifted from one foot to another. it felt weird to say it out loud. you felt your cheeks grow hot. this felt stupid, but you swallowed down the feeling. you looked at him and said, "george, i'm not pretty."

his expression changed a little and he reached for you. his hands so kind on your face as he looked you in the eyes. he replied, "well, of course you're not pretty. you're beautiful. the most beautiful woman i've ever seen or met."

the mirror in your shared bedroom with george was full length. it was good to make sure everything looked as it should without cutting anything off. you looked in it almost every day before you left the apartment. now it took on a different meaning as george put you on your knees in front of it.

he was behind you. you were still in the sundress that showed y a healthy amount of cleavage. a nice display for your lover. and george loved to sight of you in it. an off-white with apples on it.

"so beautiful." he said softly, "so, so beautiful." why don't you see what i see?"

"my chicken wing arms. how round my face is." you started, but were silenced as george turned your head to kiss you passionately on the lips.

"i don't want to hear it." he said, "so what? you look amazing in every angle. you're perfect in every angle i see of you."

you blushed before george gave you another sweet kiss. he then started to unzip the dress. while it looked great on you, it would look even better on the floor.

"you're so pretty... no, no, beautiful." he said softly as he pulled the sleeves of the dress off of you shoulders. he kissed the back of the left one and you made a soft noise.

"george."

he only responded by placing his lips on your neck as he wrapped his strong arms around you. he was always your protector. your lover. there was no need to have insecurities when he was with you. he then said, "look at yourself." he cooed and it made you shiver with want.

you shifted a little on your knees before you helped george get you out of your dress. george loved you in a good sundress, but to see if off of you. naked before him. it made him do a double take.

"look at you." he said, "look how beautiful you are." he tilted your head to the side to press a tender kiss at your pulse point.

"i just see myself." you said he rubbed himself up against you. you knew his cock was straining against his expensive jeans.

"say something nice about yourself." he said, "be nice to yourself." he knew it was hard for you. so he had to get creative about ways to help you gain a bit of confidence.

"george."

"just one thing." he egged you on as he held you in his arms. you were near nude in front of the mirror. exposed to yourself and your lover.

you replied, "i guess. i like my smile." you felt heat in your core. you felt the throb between your legs.

your lover kissed your temple, "excellent." he said with love. he got you out of your undergarments. this his clothes. both of you naked in front of the mirror. george caught glimpses of your naked for. he held onto your hips for a moment before he kissed your neck and shoulders.

"honey." you said as you ended up on your elbows with your hips raised for him. it excited your lover. the driver was enamored by you, in all the ways he could be.

he tilted your hips a little more and he sank his cock into you. inch by inch as he eased into you. he cursed under his breath for a moment before he said, "i love you. every inch of you. you drive me insane. i never want anyone else in my life." the fire fueled in his stomach as he started to move against you.

"you flirt." you moaned as you held onto the edge of the rug under you. the piece was expensive enough that you weren't going to get rug burn by the end of it.

george chuckles and said with love, "it's not flirting when it's the truth."

you moaned, "i love you too." and shifted your hips a little to get more comfortable.

"say something else about yourself. i want to hear it." he groaned as he moved against you. he could see the pleasure across your face in the reflection of the mirror.

your flushed a little bit. you felt the sting of heat in your ears, "just one other thing?" you asked as he thrusted.

"just one more."

you looked in the mirror as you were fucked with steady thrusts. you glimpsed at yourself and licked your lips, "i love my eyes. they're not the most interesting, but they're pretty. and i like that i can always make you laugh."

george smiled before he leaned over you further and kissed your face in places he could reach, "see was that so bad? saying nice things about yourself." his tone was a little teasing and it made your core feel warm.

you shuddered and moaned a little louder as you felt immense pleasure. you were aroused by this. to see your boyfriend make love to you.

"i love you." you moaned.

george shakily exhaled, "i love you too, every chance i get. i always need to tell you how much you mean to me." his words made you moan, your pleasure coursed through your body and in your blood. you clutched tightly onto the rug as you kept your gaze on the mirror in front of you.

"look at yourself." he purred as he worked his cock into you. your wetness left him feeling hot all over. he glanced at the mirror. he licked his lips at the sight of you.

he wished you saw what he saw everyday. how stunning you were both in appearance and also personality. you were a fire in george's soul, the inferno in his blood as he continued to rock against you. praise flowed freely from his lips and his words warmed your soul.

"you're so beautiful." he said as he moved against you nice and slow. his thrusts had force behind them, but he was gentle with you. you moaned and george kissed your bare back.

"please, fuck, honey."

"you can't stop me praising you." he remarked, "i want you to feel like you're on top of the world. that no one could stop you." he said as moved a little faster.

you could feel the pleasure bubble in your core as the rush flowed through you. you could feel the intense feeling all over you. you moaned, "i love you." you had no other words.

"and i love you." he promised as he worked his hips against your sweet cunt. your pussy felt amazing around his cock. george looked in the mirror at the sight of you drenched in pleasure.

you looked at the two of you, caught the sight of your lover staring. even now he looked s handsome. he pushed hair out of his face and the two of you continued to make love on the floor. your knees ached a little from the position but at that moment you didn't care.

"my beautiful girl." he said with heat tinged in his voice as he felt his orgasm close.

you were the first to finish with your face against the rug. you held onto it and moaned loudly. george worked your hips as he came soon after. hr pulled out and finished on your back with a tight groan. he shuddered and his cock twitched when he saw his cum covering your back.

"so, do you believe me now? that i think you're beautiful." he panted heavily. as he leaned back on his heels for a moment to admire you. he wiped the sweat from his forehead. it wasn't long before he was up off the ground to get tissues to clean your back with.

you admitted, "yes... i believe you." and when george returned he kissed you on the cheek before he cleaned you up. you melted a little at the touches.

if anyone thought you were beautiful, it would be george. and as you got your underwear back on, you admired yourself in the mirror. and maybe george was right. you were beautiful. <3

[yankpop]

Debut

Summary: Your sunbaenim is not as innocent as you thought he was.

DISCLAIMER: This is a FICTION work only made for entertainment purposes that includes yandere/dark. I do not support or encourage any type of abusive behaviour. 

Check more: Masterlist.

Female reader

WARNINGS: Manipulation; Power Imbalance; Toxic Industry (and JK). 

AN: Tommorrow I'm going on a one-week vacations so I won't be able to post anything. Hopefully when I get back I might write some more. Let me know what you guys thought of this!

--

“No?” 

Jungkook repeats after you, pierced brow slightly raising as he looks at you. His leg bounces up and down, shaking the couch he’s sitting on. 

“Sweetheart, I don’t think you understand this…” he starts and you catch his eyes tracing your body up and down.

His stare makes you uncomfortable and you sneakily cross your arms, hoping to protect a bit of the exposed cleavage. 

“I can help you, okay? Actually, we can help each other mutually.”

His words grab your attention and Jungkook smiles at that, rising from the couch and walking up to you. 

“I’ve seen you practice. The way you dance, how you sing… you’ve got a gift. You’re more than ready to debut, trust me.” he inches closer to you, so close that you need to fight off the impulse to take a step back. 

There’s a gut sinking feeling and you press your lips together. 

“You could help me with… something and in return, I’ll pull some strings." Jungkook places his hands on your arms, rubbing the soft skin up and down. "Talk with the managers and the board. Make you debut faster. Wouldn’t you like that?”

He smiles at you and you gulp down, unsure of what to reply. 

You want to cry. 

Is this really happening to you? There had always been lingering rumors about seniors idols taking advantage of the younger ones but you simply never assumed it could happen to you. The spotlight is never your place, so why should it happen to you. You’re not the best dancer nor the most talented singer.

You’d always rank in second or third place in all the competitions and tests, no matter how hard you tried. Someone else always got the first place, all the compliments and the rewards while you remained with the usual “try harder next time” talk.

Not to mention that you’re not the prettiest trainee. Maybe that’s why you still haven’t debuted. 

But this…

“What do you say, baby? It’s mutual benefit for both of us, I swear.” 

Jungkook looks at you expectantly, his perfect face staring at you as your mind runs wild. 

You want to say no. 

“Hum, okay, I guess.” you whisper the words out and Jungkook immediately wraps his arms around your body, pulling you into a tight hug.

“Good girl.” 

When he pulls away, a half-smile is on his face as he glances at your lips. 

“I’m gonna kiss you, okay? It’s no big deal.” 

He doesn’t wait for your answer and quickly closes the gap between you, lips pressing against yours. His metal piercing feels cold and weird as he makes you open your mouth wider, his tongue digging into you. 

A gag gets caught up in your throat when you feel his hand bunching up your ass.

You squeal, pushing him away with tears pricking your eyes. He stumbles back with a stunned face. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Think about debuting, okay?.” he reaches for your face with his hands and despite the need of slapping his hands away, you remain still. 

“Think about how proud your parents will be when they find out their beautiful daughter is finally getting the success she deserves.” his voice gets lower, one of his hands sneaking towards your crop top and a shiver runs down your body when he touches your skin.

You just want to go home.

“Be a good girl for me and I’ll make all of your dreams come true.”

There’s something concealed in his face as he slowly kisses you back, something that gives you the chills.

Suddenly you’re not sure about him being the nice sweet guy that you always assumed your sunbaenim to be. 

[yanderecookierunkingdom]

HIII ITS ME AGAIN, i’ve got another idea for you, that you make a little drabble about.

so the time line is like before the yan!beasts got corrupted, or like post-corruption or something, reader is a very overpowered cookie but timid and shy in a way, including considerate and kind, they wants to help people they genuinely loves and cares about (including the beasts), therefore this also makes them a people pleaser/push over, so they keep theyre power secretive

after a while, reader started to see a shift in theyre personality and how they started to resent cookies that didn’t have the same power as themselves, and how they are being kinda possessive/obsessive towards reader, and more really unhealthy behaviors, but of course, like the fool they are, reader decided to ignore those red flags, cause it’s better then having literal no one (said by reader)

anyways when days pass, more things start to change, they start becoming more malicious towards other common cookies, how they cause more chaos and other stuff, of course reader is a bit too delusional to care… till the witches/creators came, saying they need to trap them for good, of course you retaliated (verbally), saying how you care for them and other stuff, and you won’t go through with this, and they tell reader something that will really open theyre eyes to the world, pointing out the actions the beasts do and how shitty and bad they are (including some things they say, how they treat reader etc) how bad their intentions truly are, after this reader was really upset about them, they might be delusional but not THAT delusional, so i think you can vison what happened next now, they advise a plan to get them in a place where the witches can trap them, using reader as a bait, then once it’s done, reader left, no matter how many pleads or yells the beasts through at them, reader didn’t turn back, not even to glance at the prison that they brought themselves upon, as reader walked off, they made a vow to themself, a promise to never be fooled and manipulated like that again, to never pretend to be something they aren’t, after that, they became a whole entire different cookie (woahhh character development, anyway imagine them having a more bayonetta like personality/mindset and strength and speed?) maybe a little crossing of paths once the beasts get out of prison

(also i recently just learnt I HAVE MY OWN TAG? idk why it just made me feel special)

You have?? Such?? Good ideas?? Never stop sending in requests, I love all the ideas you always come up with!!

You were a cold Cookie, with no one really knowing why. You hardly trusted and tended to be very suspicious of Cookies of power. To say it took you ages to even think of trusting the Ancients wa an understatement.

You were heavily against the idea of going to Beast-Yeast, yet you eventually relented. Not for yourself, but to make sure that none of them got manipulated like you did.

You were completely ready to throw hands when the Beasts showed up. To stay you were pissed was an understatement. Somehow, they were convinced they were the victims! Because their fun was cut short!

Shadow Milk Cookie is the biggest instigator. He still thinks you're a pushover and portrays you as such, only to be completely confused when he sees you decimate that animatronic. That was.. a change in the script he didn't expect.

Burning Spice Cookie and Silent Salt Cookie are both taken aback by how ready you were to fight them. Guess that shy part of you was gone!

Eternal Sugar Cookie used to lovebomb you a lot whenever you were still shy. She's surprised to see it no longer works, but doesn't mean she still won't try!

Mystic Flour Cookie is the only one who realizes that you're no longer the same pushover. However, it doesn't mean she won't try and use you for her own benefit again.

[soobuneary]

A Kiss, and then a Bite (3) - Choi Soobin X Reader

Warning: drinking, cursing, mature themes, vampire stuff haha

Summary: You knew something was off about your roommate Soobin ever since the beginning of your living arrangement. One night he reveals his true self to you, and you know you can never go back to how things were before. Not that you would want to, anyway.

Word Count: 2.2k

*cross-posted on ao3

part one! part two!

Song: Show Me the Real You by Moodring

“What?”

He pulled his face away slightly to your dismay. “I have a group of donors that offer their blood to me. There are benefits, you know.”

Dread filled you. Conflicting feelings swirled in your stomach. You wanted to keep experiencing that rush he gave you. It was as if you had gotten that ‘taste’, and now you wanted nothing more than to selfishly chase it. But joining his circle of donors was not in your best interest, you thought. You had no ill thoughts about those girls, but a small part of you wanted to mean a little more to him. This was a normal roommate feeling, right?

“Are you interested?”

Honesty poured out. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

“Let me explain more first, okay?” At your small nod, he continued. “Right now, I have four people who let me feed in rotation. That way none of them get too weak from giving all the time. In return, I try my best to take care of them.”

“What do you mean by take care?”

He straightened up entirely and effectively left your bubble. “I can’t just take and not give. It’s whatever they want: jewelry, clothes, money, anything.”

The words left your mouth before you could filter them. “So you’re like a sugar daddy?”

He laughed, and the pretty sound made you self-conscious. “I wouldn’t put it that way, but I mean I guess?”

“I’m not sure I can commit to something like that.”

Once again, his sincere smile pierced your resolve. “I’ll give you time to think about it. How does that sound?”

You smiled back weakly. “I’ll think about it.”

He nodded, then leaned in one more time to whisper near your temple. “Take all the time you need. It pleases me more than I can say to know you’ll be thinking about me.”

He left after that, and you were left stunned among the books.

–

Exactly as Soobin had said, your brain was completely consumed by thoughts of only him.

It didn’t help that you lived with the guy. In fact, it seemed you were seeing more of him these days. The man that once opted for holing up in his room to study, presumably, was spending his days lately studying at the dining area table. Every time you came home to find him there, he would simply smile at you then resume working. You couldn’t help but feel disappointed. In the back of your mind, you knew he was probably giving you space to make a clear decision about what you wanted, but you missed the small talk and casual mood of the apartment. Since that day at the library, the air always felt so charged.

It had been a little over two weeks since his proposition, and that meant it had been another two times he’d had other girls over to feed from them. Your feelings about this confirmed your previous notion that you probably shouldn’t agree to become one of his donors.

Whenever you reasoned with yourself that way, though, your thoughts would be blindsided with the memory of that night three weeks ago. The memory of his cold body pressed to yours, and the ghosting feeling of his teeth in your neck. Every time the feeling attacked your senses you shivered. Could you really live without feeling that again?

Maybe one more time would be enough.

The end of the semester was swiftly approaching, and although you knew this was the time to focus more on studying, your best friend had invited you to a party tonight to help you destress. He had assumed you were worried about your finals, but he had no clue you were occupied with giving Soobin an answer.

That was one of the hardest things, you decided, about this whole predicament. You couldn’t talk to anyone about it. Who could you turn to for advice without exposing Soobin’s secret? Who would believe you anyway?

What you hadn’t expected when stepping into the cramped house party was seeing your roommate there. Of course, you knew that Soobin went out to parties from time to time, but you hadn’t prepared yourself to see him like this. Around the apartment he would wear baggy sweats and his bangs would fall into his face. Not tonight.

When you entered the kitchen to get yourself a drink you felt his presence. Of course, when you looked to your left, there he was. You couldn’t help but give him a once over. His midnight black hair was parted slightly on one side, and he was wearing a gray hoodie with a dark green flannel jacket over. His big hands held a red solo cup, and the way he gripped it reminded you of his grip on your jaw. Feeling awkward, you continued your scan of him. His black jeans accentuated his long legs, and when you looked back up at his face he was smirking at you.

Oh shit.

The embarrassment of getting caught giving him an up-down made you quickly look away. Your eyes had other plans though, as you stole one more glance at at him. He was still looking at you.

‘Like what you see?’ He mouthed at you with his eyebrows raised. This time when you turned your head you didn’t dare look at him again.

Instead, you approached the kitchen island. There was such a large variety of drinks you didn’t know what to grab. You weren’t much of a drinker to begin with.

You could still feel Soobin’s eyes on you.

Your friend Yeonjun, who you had honestly forgotten was there, put an arm around your shoulders. “You don’t even know where to start, huh?”

Suddenly Soobin’s gaze on you and Yeonjun’s arm felt like too much. It’s not like Soobin didn’t know Yeonjun was your friend. He had come over to the apartment many times to hang out. However, you and Soobin’s relationship had been… weird, to say the least, and it made Yeonjun’s affection feel heavy now.

“What’s your goal for tonight, Y/N?”

Yeonjun’s voice broke you out of your thoughts. You turned your face to look at him, “What?”

He laughed. “Pay attention. I asked, what’s your goal here? A light buzz? Want to get fucked up?”

You didn’t hesitate. “I need to get fucked up.”

Another laugh. “Okay, I got you. I’ll make sure you get home tonight, so,” he grabbed a plastic shot glass and poured you some gin, “just let go and have fun.”

The gin burned on its way down, and when you exhaled roughly and set the shot glass down on the counter Yeonjun was already handing you a plastic cup. You took your first sip of whatever concoction of alcohol he had given you, and at that moment one of Yeonjun’s other friends called out to him.

“I’ll be right back, Y/N.”

“No worries.” You smiled at him, “I’ll find a corner to exist in. Hopefully there’s a dog or cat around here somewhere I can pet.”

He rolled his eyes at you and allowed himself to be pulled into another room by a boy you had met before a few times named Beomgyu. You were about to leave the kitchen as well when you felt something solid against your left shoulder. Without looking you knew who it was.

“You think you’re going to get fucked up on a vodka sprite?”

You turned your body to face him. “Oh, I’ll get there. Don’t worry.”

Soobin sighed lightly before pouring you another shot of gin. “What’s got you so worried you need to get drunk?”

You lifted the shot before taking it. It burned less than the first but still made you wince slightly. “I’ve been thinking a lot lately.”

His expression didn’t give anything away. “Well, I hope you come to a good conclusion.” He placed a hand on your shoulder before he walked past you and left you in the kitchen.

Unfortunately, you kept your word. You lost count of the shots you took and the drinks Yeonjun poured you. Of course, he was a good friend and tried to get you to take it slow, but when you started feeling buzzed you wanted it even more.

So when you were getting a little too drunk Yeonjun knew he had to cut in. He led you to the back porch of the house, and the cold air bit into your skin through your sweater.

“I’m going to go get you some water, Y/N. Stay here.”

You mumbled a response of agreement. After a few moments, you looked up at the sky. No stars. That was expected to be the case, with all the lights of the city polluting the atmosphere.

Without Yeonjun and his other friends to drink and laugh and talk with, your mind felt more clear. Maybe you weren’t sobering up yet, but just having a moment of clarity through the fog in your mind.

Would the cold ever not remind you of that night? Would you ever be able to feel cold again without thinking of his hands on you?

You felt someone sit beside you. “Yeonjun-.” You cut yourself off when you turned and saw it was your roommate.

“Not quite.”

Soobin handed you a water bottle, and you took it graciously. “Thanks.”

The silence that sat above the two of you wasn’t uncomfortable. Probably because your intoxication didn’t allow you to feel discomfort. You didn’t attempt to open the water.

“Yeonjun said he was going to take you home, but I offered to take you instead.”

“Why?” You sounded harsher than intended, but he didn’t seem phased.

“I mean, we live together. It makes sense.”

“You don’t want to stay longer?”

He looked at the sky and smiled to himself. Beautiful, you thought. “I’ve got my fill of human interaction for now.”

You laughed and joined him in looking up. “It’s weird when you say that.”

He put a hand on your knee, but you didn’t look. You willed yourself to not react to his touch. You weren’t sure if you succeeded in your drunken state. “Did I really stress you out this much?”

The softness in Soobin’s voice squeezed your heart. You caved and looked down at his hand before placing one of yours on top. “You didn’t stress me out. I wanted to drink because I was confused.”

His voice was quiet. “Confused?”

Your eyes met his. You found where all the stars were. “I don’t know how to act around you anymore.”

“Be you. That’s all you need to do.”

“But, don’t you want me to say yes?”

His smile seemed sad this time. “I do, but I won’t be mad if you say no.”

Your eyes traveled back to where your hand held his. “Why do you need me? You already have four other donors.”

He leaned closer to you and held his face near your neck. Your body tensed and your mind became loud. Was he about to do it? Here?

“I don’t want to be rude, but, your blood…” He trailed off, and you felt him inhale deeply. “I’ve never tasted anything like it.”

A shiver ran down your spine. Was it fear? Was it excitement? Nothing made sense anymore, especially not how much you wanted him to sink his fangs into you again.

“Do you want to taste it again?”

You felt his nose move against your skin as his face got closer to yours. “Does that mean you’ll do it? You’ll be my donor?”

Your stomach did somersaults at his words. You knew you shouldn’t. You knew it would inevitably lead you down the dangerous path of the unknown. You couldn’t have a normal roommate relationship with him anymore, or ever be his friend. Not if you agreed to let him do this.

But you needed it. You needed to feel that way again.

“Yes.”

He smiled against your jaw. “Yes?”

“Yes, so please, Soobin. Do it again.”

“You’re drunk.” He kissed your jaw before slowly pulling away. “I couldn’t do that to you now. Not like this.”

Your body followed his and you leaned into him. You were chest-to-chest, your eyes fixed on his, and you were so close you could feel his cold breath fan across your face. “Would I taste bad?”

Soobin chuckled lightly. “You could never taste bad to me, Y/N. But I’m not going to take advantage of you like that.”

You groaned, which made him laugh more. Then he stood and offered you his hand. “Should we go home?”

The idea of being home with him now after agreeing to be a donor made your brain feel like mush, but you took his hand and let him help you up anyway.

Before you could get very far though you felt your phone buzz in your pocket. A text, but you didn’t read who it was from. Your eyes got caught on the top of your screen. 1:07am. December 5th.

“Oh.”

He turned to face you. “Oh?”

You showed him your screen and smiled.

“Happy birthday, Soobin.”

[yuyu1024]

Two friends with Benefit

Pairings: Yunho × y/n x Mingi

Genre/tags: arranged marriage, cheating

Warning: 🔞🔞🔞 poly, smut, cursing, pet names, jealousy, smut/angst, kink/fetish, fingering, unprotected sex [lmk if i miss anything]

Words: 1.3k

Disclaimer:

- this story is just made up

- english is not my first language, please be nice 😊

Note: reposting all my stories one by one again as I deleted my acct by mistake. All of the stories I will be posting is all mine. (All of my fanfics/oneshots are also available wattpad @/shinestar1024)

It has been more than a year since you moved in to your new apartment. Work has been so hectic for you that going back from work and your house, with your parents, every damn day is too much to handle. Sleep is very important for you. If you can't sleep, you can't focus on work. And if you can focus o work, your boss will probably yell at you and shame you in front of everybody. Nobody wants that. You need this job. You need the paycheck and that money can't give you the space you need. Everything is so damn expensive these days.

And that's why, you are incredibly lucky that your two best friends from college offered their extra room for you.

Yunho and Mingi are both working at the same tech company that is in the area. Their work pays well thats why they can afford the nice and spacious apartment they have now.

The room they gave you was their gaming room. Its spacious enough for you and your needs so you can't complain about it. It's free! Actually everything is sort of free to you. They didn't asked you to pay or share besides your part of the rental. Which makes you question how much they earn by typing things in their computers.

But besides that, the two towers are not just your roommates. Besides being your bestfriends, these two have been your fuck bodies for awhile now. It started from a small bet while all three of you are tipsy and now it flourished to this amazing trio that you thought will never work but It did... and its still going.

"Babe!" Mingi is across the street from where you at, waving. He's smiling and jumping. He can't wait to cross the street. Yunho is standing beside him, laughing at him.

When the signal says Okay to cross, Mingi runs and immidiately hugs you. "Y/n, you're back!"

You've been away for a week because of a work thing and this has been the longest you three have been separated.

"Yeaaah, glad to be back. I miss my bed..." You pout

"Just the bed?" Yunho tugs the strand of hair that's been bothering you.

"Of course I missed you two! My roommate for the trip is a handful... she's so talkative and does not respect my personal space. I CAN'T!" you say, rolling your eyes.

"Guess you prefer us being noisy than her..." Mingi says

"Of course..." You wrap your hands around his arm and lean your head.

"You look tired... so let's get home and eat something good to make you feel better." Yunho takes your luggage and carries it for you.

"Thank, Yunho."

When you guys arrive at the apartment, the first thing you did is lay down on the huge as sofa that you call your second bed. This is is where you usually fall asleep after a night out or an extreme overtime at work.

"I miss this!" You hug the pillows like you've been gone for a year.

"Yah!" Yunho comes over and playfully pulls your leg so you get closer to him and slaps your butt "Don't be such a tease this... we should eat first... like proper food before we can play."

You giggle as you see how Yunho's eyes are gazing on you. "Did you missed me that much?"

"you have no idea." he crawls over you until he reaches you, close enough that both of you lips almost touchs.

You bit your lip gently, teasing him even more. "You can show me later..." you whisper

"Oh, you bet I will." Yunho leans more and finally kisses you. The kiss is soft and yet tender that it pulls you in wanting more.

"Seriously? No one is going to help me prepare dinner?" Mingi calls you guys out

Laughing, "Okay, okay! I will get up and help you!" Yunho plants a small kiss on your cheek before letting you go.

"You! Yunho! You're taking advantage of me being busy here in the kitchen...why did you start making out with y/n?"

"I'm sorry! I can't help it. I missed her." Yunho takes an apron and puts it in.

"I too, missed her. I've been dreaming about having sex with her for days now... but we need to cook first!" Mingi pouts

"Aww! Mingi!" You get up and walk towards the kitchen to hug your baby giant. "Don't pout... I am back... we can make your dreams come true."

Hearing that made Mingi happy. He can't hide the smile on his face. "I promise to make you feel good. To fill you up." He leans down to kiss you, placing his hand behind your neck.

You start to moan as he continues to kiss you, then suddenly you felt hands moving from behind you. "Maybe... we should just skip dinner or order in for later?" Yunho breathes as his hands skims over your breast.

"Ah! Yunho!" You cry, leaning your head back to his chest. He's fingers circling over your hard tips. "S-shit! That's so good!"

"Baby, you sound so heavenly." Mingi goes down on his knees, kissing your exposed stomach as she starts to unbutton your jeans.

"Your breast is so plump." Yunho kisses you hard as he massages your boobs. "It's perfect... that... it fits our hands..." he says in between kisses.

"Ahh!" You raise your hand to grab onto Yunho as you feel the cooling sensation down there. Mingi removed your pants so easily.

"I've been craving this for a week now." Mingi snarls as he puts his face between your legs. "I want to eat now... can I go ahead?" He asks Yunho

"Go ahead... I'll make her busy up here..." Yunho changes his position have more access to yout breast. "Tell us to stop okay? If it's too much..."

"I... will..uhhh..." you try to answer but your knees weakens as you felt Mingi's tongue lick you up. "G-God!"

Smirking, Yunho unclasps your bra, freeing your plumps breast. He grabs one to massage while the other one he starts to lick using his tongue.

"Fuck!" You grab onto the counter for support. These guys are really making up for the whole damn week you've been gone. They are sucking the life out of you.

"W-wait..." you tap both of them. They stop and looks at you. "Let me... breathe..."

"Are we being too much?" Yunho kisses the back of your hand. "Do you want us to continue this on bed?"

"I can't wait to go to bed. Just fuck me on the sofa." You pull both of them with you. "Sit."

The two of them follows. They both stare at you, as you strip the rest of your clothes in front of them.

"Damn." Mingi bites his lips as he watches you. "You're so sexy!"

"Am I?" After throwing away the last clothing, you get closer to Mingi, spread your legs and sat on his lap. "Since, you are the first one to talk... you can fuck me first."

"Yes!" Mingi lowers down his jogger bands along with his boxers. The tip of his cock shows and the sight already makes you wet. "Come to Daddy little kitten!"

He gently puts himself in your core. He's to long and thick that you can already feel the thightness.

"Baby," you cry as you look at Yunho, sitting beside you two, watching. "Fuck!" You gasp as Mingi begins thrusting. "Kiss me..." You ask Yunho

He takes his top off, lowers his pants and moves closer to kiss you as he strokes himself.

"Y/n!" Mingi cries as you start to move your hips together with him in rythm. "You're so... tight!" He growls. "S-so good!"

Yunho backs away from kissing you and then moves to the next person. "You're so noisy. Making me jealous that you're fucking her first." Yunho goes in and kisses Mingi.

The other boy is so naughty, that he bit Yunho's lip lightly. "Don't worry. I'll make it quick so you can fuck her next while I fuck you behind."

[sinisteredgirl]

Cross-posting my orig post here, but I love the fact that while Jinshi suffers from a crippling lack of self-confidence—often seeing his own skills as unexceptional and mediocre—we as readers get to see that many people around him have only the highest regard for his capabilities.

There's Maomao of course, who said that Jinshi tends to sell short his own abilities and that most Jinshi-esque solutions typically are multi-faceted and have multiple benefits.

There's also Chue with her passing remark that while he may have a low opinion of himself, Jinshi actually gets the job done.

And finally, we have Lahan who mentioned that Jinshi possesses great foresight and is not easily fooled. He is his ideal beauty after all, and it wouldn't do if a person who is beautiful on the outside isn't beautiful 'on the inside' as well.

I guess it just makes me feel happy that while the person himself does not often see the extent of his own competence, others do and are more appreciative :)

[romance-rambles]

modern alkaid | 319 roses and a date

Alkaid gets asked on a date by the girl he desperately wanted to ask out, at least before he found out who the flowers were for. You'd like to maintain that nothing you said was a lie.

2.8k, post-alkaid's florist ending [everything else happens the same way, except alkaid's first meeting with mc happens after godheim], misunderstandings + some angst, mc is reader, series: none

ALKAID STARES DOWN BLANKLY AT the bouquet of white roses in his hands. At some point during his stunned silence, he had unwittingly taken them off yours, just as you had hoped for.

All 319 of them, to be precise—which is a number that, put in a different context, can also refer to 3/19, the day of his birth. Even with the limited capacity he has at the moment to sort out the events that led up to this moment, he can't help the way his heart flutters at the knowledge that you remembered, even though so much time has passed.

"Alkaid?" A gentle tap against his shoulder robs the flowers of their spotlight. "Do you...not like the flowers?"

He looks up and sees you, still here—still dressed so beautifully he's once more in danger of succumbing to asphyxiation, with a fretful expression that makes him wonder if he's already there. When he does not respond, you close the remaining distance between them, obscuring all else from his vision.

It is a problem only because he has nowhere left to run.

"No," he croaks out finally, leaning back over the counter to accommodate you.

Obliviously, you move closer, leaving him with no choice but to avert his gaze once more. Alkaid can only hope you aren't offended—that you don't think he finds you unattractive, with how often he does so. It's only that your beaming smile reminds him of what it feels like to stare down the sun.

"They're lovely."

Satisfied with his answer, you pull back. Your hands are clasped behind your back, and your ponytail sways slightly, once more retreating behind your shoulder. There's an adorable star-shaped pin fastened onto the strap of your cross-body bag.

He sighs discretely, relieved, and pulls the bouquet up to his face as casually as he can. The petals, he hopes, will be enough to cover up the deep scarlet staining his cheeks.

"I'm glad!" You clap your hands together. "I was worried they wouldn't be to your liking. Maybe I should've asked you what your favorite flower was before I tried asking you out."

A self-deprecating laugh slips out as you scratch your cheek. An intricate design spans the length of your nail now—shades of red and green shaped into what he can clearly recognize as halves of a rose hugging the edges—against a black background.

Alkaid bites his lip, converting the interrupted gasp into a quiet exhale.

"You guessed right. I like white roses," he says, hoping desperately that his words are nothing less than reassuring. "Though they share that spot with lilies as well."

"Lilies," you repeat, a determined gleam in your lovely eyes. "I'll keep that in mind for next time."

He bites his lip harder.

THE MORNING HE'S DUE TO hand off your flowers, Alkaid finds himself contemplating the benefits of coffee behind the register.

Though his favorite concealer and his usual color corrector have done much to brighten up his undereyes, they can do little for the grogginess that comes with staying awake the whole night (Why such a specific number? Who are they for? Do you remember him at all?). And, by the time the clock strikes nine, he's already downed three cups of strongly-brewed tea.

What pushes him to finally break away from his usual preferences is a simple headache.

The store is empty, and there remains more than half an hour before you're set to arrive. A sharp twinge of pain in the side of his head as he stands up to check on your flowers draws out a careful hiss. Alkaid, with some amount of lingering hesitance, flips the sign on his door to closed, with a note explaining the rough length of absence. Then he walks out the door, his destination the artsy cafe across the street—the one that makes him think of you whenever he walks in.

Allen, the normally deadpan barista on duty, seems to shut down when Alkaid corrects him on his order. Soon, the news spreads to the rest of the employees, who take turns staring at him as he leaves with a warm thermos of coffee in his hands.

But, in the end, it proves to be an unnecessary trip.

You're already in front of his flower shop when he returns, half-crouched and studying the sign the way someone might study a work of abstract art. Today, too, you have a large, dark blue backpack slung over both your shoulders, its surface decorated with various pins and stickers—mostly of a cat, your cat, but also of a popular manga that you seem to like.

In Passing, that is.

It's about a love triangle featuring a tyrant emperor and a well-liked leader of the rebellion. Even without the reviews praising it for subverting expectations, Alkaid would've picked it up anyway.

He's on the third volume right now, and—

Hmm? His eyebrows furrow. Where did I leave it? In my bag?

All of a sudden, the sleep that had been so insistent on dragging his eyelids down vanishes. Alkaid wracks his brain desperately for the answers, stomach churning at the thought of you finding out about his latest reading material.

Unfortunately, you choose that moment to turn around.

"Oh, Alkaid!"

Your confused expression soon melts away, leaving behind only a cheerful smile. Tightening his grip on his thermos, he exhales silently, before flashing you a gentle smile.

"You're here." Time stops as you begin to approach him, your keychains singing a short jingle to accompany you. Your expression softens, as does your voice. "You didn't forget about me, right?"

Alkaid can only sputter out a half-coherent apology.

The words get drowned out by the insistent, purposeful beating of his heart. It's as if it wants to claw itself out of his chest and entrust itself to your hands, as it is, with shattered bones sticking out of it.

You laugh prettily, as always. "It's okay. I'm just joking."

Then, like a moth to a flame, his gaze falls upon your lips. A soft red, with a glossy sheen, one that matches the color of your skirt. On a plain canvas, it's all the more striking. It leaves him wondering about things he, currently a stranger, shouldn't be fretting over.

He's not sure how long he stares for, with slightly parted lips and a series of half-realized thoughts chiding at him to stop—only that it's not long enough for you to grow uncomfortable.

Alkaid clears his throat, holding up his thermos (I should've bought her something too, he thinks) as an explanation. "I apologize for the wait. I went over to the cafe across the street."

"Coffee lover?" you guess, making room for him to open the door.

"I'm usually more of a tea person." As he slips inside the store, he can't help but chuckle self-consciously, remembering all the different ways he imagined this scene playing out. Naturally, his next words are nothing more than the most blatant lie he's ever told. "I thought I'd try something else for a change."

"Is it a nice place?" Upon seeing the puzzled look he sends over his shoulder, you clarify, "The cafe. I've seen the reviews, but I think only experience can beat the testimony of someone you know."

He considers your question for a moment. "The staff is very friendly. I often stop by during lunch for their sandwiches."

"I see..." you murmur.

"I think you'd like it," Alkaid blurts out as he slips in behind the register, happy to note that his copy of Volume 3 is, in fact, in his bag. "The owner enjoys collecting art—there's a lot of different paintings all over the cafe. Um, since you're an art major."

"Well, now I have to try it out." You don't seem particularly startled that he knows about your major; instead, you take to drawing patterns across the wooden countertop. He thinks he sees the familiar curve of an A. "The cookies you recommended last time were really great too."

When he keeps his silence, the complete opposite of what the state of his mind currently is (she remembers?), you look up.

"Hmm?" You tilt your head, confusion clouding your once smiling expression. "Do I have the wrong person? You're Alkaid, right? From that time in the snow mountains?"

He forces himself to nod, but that too is enough.

A shy smile blossoms on your lips, paired with both a brief flash of relief flitting through your gaze and the slight, almost imperceptible widening of your eyes. Placing your hands above your heart, you sigh exaggeratedly.

"You had me worried for a moment," you say. Your eyelashes cast a dark shadow on your undereyes. "I thought we'd never meet again."

For a moment, he wonders if there's more to your sorrow than you let on. Does it have anything to do with the way you disappeared? Somewhere so far away that no one could reach you at all?

Alkaid shakes off his thoughts.

"But we did," he responds carefully. I never thought we'd meet again either, he does not say instead. "Whether it was destiny, whether it was just a coincidence, we did. All we can do is make the most of it."

A tinge of sadness mars your lovely smile. "I think that sounds lovely."

SOON AFTER THEIR REUNION, DONE properly this time, down to exchanging numbers, Alkaid excuses himself to go fetch your flowers. When he returns, lovesick heart brimming with curiosity over the recipient's identity once more, he finds you've returned to doodling on the counter.

"Here they are, 319 white roses," he announces.

There's a blank expression on your face when you look up. Slowly, as recognition dawns upon you, it melts away to something bitter and rough. Its jagged edges dig into his his heart, leaving a paralyzing mix of sadness and longing to wash over him.

And then—

"Thank you," you say, and take the flowers off his hand.

His hand twitches, yearning for the camera he still keeps in his backpack, for the days where he feels like memorializing something instead. Lovely is the only word he has to describe you as you tuck a strand of hair behind your ears and pull the bouquet close with a faint smile.

Then, you close your eyes, and you inhale deeply. Once more, you are somewhere else—somewhere far, somewhere he can't reach.

"Ah, sorry." You crack one eye open. Now, the bouquet is clutched against your chest, but your sadness remains. "I guess I'm a bit nervous. I don't know if he'll like the flowers."

He? From some far corner of his mind, he recalls the image of your guardian. A tall man, with long silver hair and a pleasant, but guarded expression. Cael, he thinks is the name.

"For your guardian?" Alkaid inquires.

Your smile drops entirely at the mention of your guardian. A complicated series of emotions flash in your gaze, soon averted to one of the potted plants at the display. Scratching your cheek, you offer him a polite laugh.

Today, only some of your nails are a plain black. The rest remain bare.

"No, it's not for Cael." You answer carefully. "Actually—"

Looking down at the flowers, you take a deep breath. When next you speak, your voice has reclaimed the softness it'd shown him earlier—your searching gaze as well. You leave him with the truth, imparting it onto him like a mischievous secret.

"There's someone I'd like to ask out."

His stomach drops, and you leave him with the memory of lovelorn smile, forever imprinted behind his eyelids.

"I hope he says yes."

[3:00 PM] you: Alkaid, do you have any plans tonight?

[3:17 PM] alkaid: No, I'm free

[3:21 PM] alkaid: Did something happen?

[3:22 PM] you:

[3:22 PM] you: I haven't asked him out yet. Gonna do it soon

[3:23 PM] you: All of my other friends are busy rn.

[3:24 PM] you: Is it okay if I stop by after you close up shop?

[3:24 PM] you: I'd want to talk to someone about it

[4:31 PM] alkaid: Of course

SOMEHOW, ALKAID MANAGES TO GET through the rest of the day.

His heart is held together haphazardly with duct tape and carefully-placed staples, though their efforts are thwarted constantly by a popular refrain (You hardly know him. Of course there's someone else.), and he's one stubbed toe away from being reduced to tears, but he manages. Somehow.

He swallows down his what-ifs and maybes and waits, watching the hands on his wristwatch inch ever closer to six in the evening. And eventually, the vaguely promised time arrives.

As he's stepping out from behind the register, a familiar chime echoes cuts through the silence. Alkaid looks up and sees you, dressed still in red and black, your turtleneck and skirt swapped out for a knee-length dress.

"Hi."

The bouquet of white roses—held in both hands, a stark contrast to the black leather jacket you're wearing—covers up its neckline. You smile sheepishly at him, pulling at the mesh of your bright red skirt to mimic a curtsy.

You're beautiful. Even the flowers surrounding them pale in comparison. Even the aurora they'd seen together pales in comparison. You rob him of his breath and leave gasping for a reprieve, but so long as he keeps his memory in even the smallest capacity, that's simply impossible.

The familiar knife called jealousy stabs into his heart, leaving him keenly aware of his longing. He averts his gaze, but the damage has already been done. You are beautiful, and he has waited years to see you.

"Hi." Alkaid swallows uncomfortably, as the sound of your footsteps draws closer. In a panic, his hands brace themselves against the edge of the counter. "Was something wrong with the flowers? I thought—"

A mysterious expression sits upon your features when you pull his gaze onto you, seemingly oblivious to your magnetic power.

With a deep breath, you thrust the flowers at him, knuckles brushing against his chest. You pull back for a moment, taking your flowers with you, and the soft coral of your blush makes it difficult to discern whether you find yourself a victim the of same scarlet blooming across his cheeks.

"That's—" You cough politely. There's a heart-shaped pendant dangling from your golden necklace. The dress is either strapless or your jacket has covered up the straps. "—what I'm here to find out."

Alkaid tilts his head. His confused gaze darts across his surroundings and stops at the glass window of the store's display, thinking perhaps that your mystery boy might be outside. But while the streets are not barren, there is no one outside his store.

You say his name in the same way you told him your secret. Like it's something precious. Like it's something you love. And the truth begins to settle into his bones with a finality that deafens the half-coherent puzzle pieces he's been trying to fit together—he is the only one you could possibly ask out in this empty store.

He has no choice but to look back. At you, and the bouquet you're offering him.

"Would you like to go to the movies with me?"

AND THAT IS HOW HE finds himself with the beginnings of a bruise forming on his lip. He doesn't mind, not when the sting he feels as he wets his lip reminds him that this is not, in fact, a dream (It feels like it though, he thinks), nor a fantasy.

"You...you don't have a girlfriend, do you? It's been a while since then..."

You rub your arm lightly, muttering about something he can't understand, and what else is Alkaid meant to do but take your hand? He squeezes it gently, tickled to find that he can return the favor for all the times you've stolen his breath away.

Your lips part slightly, but whatever you hoped to say does not leave the confines of your mysterious mind. Instead, you draw some of your hair from both sides over your flushed cheeks.

"Nothing like that," he reassures, smiling gently at you. "I'm just surprised. I didn't realize you were talking about me."

"That's a reli—what." In a single moment, your voice goes from girlishly breathless to an irritated flat. Releasing your hair, you blink uncomprehendingly at him. "How?"

Watching you descend into another muttered ramble, Alkaid shrugs. "If you'd still like that date..."

You whip your head in his direction. "Then it's a date!"

The first time he met you, it was when you had fished out of the snow and offered him a warm drink to fight off the cold. They had talked about miscellaneous things, from your half-hearted desire to request a camera for your birthday to who could make the better model between them both.

And back then, he had thought to himself that there was no sound more beautiful than your laugh.

Almost four years after the fact, as he watches you giggle, Alkaid can confidently say his past self had the right idea. Such a specific title leaves him with room to declare your follow-up smile to be just as breathtaking.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Why do people still go to Mostro Lounge if Azul enslaved 225 students? Like how is he not out of bussines

I DON’T KNOW 😭 I’ve never understood that part???? And how easily everything is resolved????

The end of book 3 tries to hand-wave it off as, “well, Azul implemented a point card system/promotion that was just so good that it compensated for all the negative rumors about the bad things he actually did” but like 💀 even then, I never bought it…

Consider the prices plus how the point card system and its perks work:

Assuming that you need 50 points to get that consultation with Azul + the items listed here are the only ones that qualify toward the point system, that means you'd be spending at LEAST 250 thaumarks (which I'm going to consider the equivalent to 250 USD for the sake of simplicity), if not 300 thaumarks. That's not including any potential tax or tip they may charge on top of the cost of the actual menu items. If you're going for the three-point card perks, you're easily spending 750 to 900 bucks on the Mostro Lounge. Maybe that seems like chump change to some of the rich, privileged kids that attend NRC but that's still a considerable amount of money to spend at one establishment... I'll concede that the argument can be made that this investment is "worth it" because of Azul's consultation being such a useful thing. It seems like you could ask him for anything, so long as its within his means. So yeah, it’s true, his services can be an extremely powerful boon to have on your side (assuming, of course, that he's capable of granting your wish and you agree to the terms set). The issue then becomes a matter of trust between client and Azul.

I don't know about you, but I cannot believe that after Azul tricked and enslaved 220+ students (over a QUARTER of the total student body) with his promises that everyone would so easily forgive what he did and suddenly trust that he wouldn't try pulling similar shit again. And since I doubt any mob would drop 250-300 thaumarks in one day just to get the consultation ASAP (but a bunch of food he can't eat), the points system would be a long term commitment... meaning mobs go into this establishment regularly, knowing that it's run by a guy that would double cross them if it benefitted him, weirdly trusting that he wouldn't???????? Trusting that he had a sudden change of heart and wouldn’t revert back to his old ways???????? Not holding grudges??????? Nah, I don't buy that one bit. AZUL'S REP WOULD BE IN THE TOILET, AND I DON'T THINK A GOOD DEAL ON EATERY LOYALTY WOULD REVERSE THAT... At that point, the mobs are practically begging to be scammed… Also???? The only thing that Crowley technically told Azul he can't do is to take anyone's powers 💀 so literally nothing is stopping Azul from trying to one-up or cheat his clients out of other things... Agreements like the one where he tried to claim Ramshackle Dorm for himself would still be totally valid under Crowley's new but poorly defined restrictions. Why doesn't the headmaster just forbid Azul from running his shady side business altogether 😭 or at least revoke the manager position from Azul?????? The school gets 10% of the lounge’s profits, so maybe Crowley doesn’t want to lose that income—but if that’s the case, why not just put new management in charge and still reap the monetary benefits??? Even just upping the percentage the school takes from their earnings would be more of a punishment…

I'm about to cancel this man on Magicam for his crimes/j I guess this is easily explained by the mob students all being dumb/arrogant, but that’s such a cop-out 😭 My only hope is that volume 3 of the light novel adaptation will go more in-depth about the post-OB backlash Azul experiences (similar to how it did for volume 1) 💦 because the way the game presents it, it feels like he and the Mostro Lounge made an almost immediate comeback 😭 which isn’t realistic at all…

I guess all I have left to say is…

[belles-non-wallpapering-content]

On Call E.S x FEM!Reader

Overture- It's movie night for you and Egon when you're finally alone on call at the firehouse

CWs- Worries about unwanted touch, both of them are pretty awkward

A/N- Day 18 (oops still behind) Inspired By: This Post- By Ask-Egon Spengler

Being on call at the firehouse may not be ideal, for the lack of privacy, but it really was nice to spend some extra time with the guys. Egon in particular. Peter had a date with Dana tonight, and Winston and Ray had the night off so it was just you and Egon. That hadn’t happened in weeks, let alone since you started dating. You’d only gone on two dates, but you definitely had a lot of hope about the relationship. You really liked him, and he found you easy to love– something you rarely thought about yourself. 

Tonight though, you had nothing in particular to do since you didn’t have any calls and Egon just had one trial to run in his latest experiment then you could have a little date night of your own. You got a movie to watch, so you decided to curl up on the couch while you waited. 

About a half hour later, Egon finally came up. He quickly said hello to you before excusing himself to change into something more comfortable. Well, comfortable for him– He got out of his lab wear and put on a sweater over his favorite button-up and a different pair of dress pants. 

You hadn’t fully crossed the touch barrier with Egon yet. You hadn’t been together long, and he wasn’t a fan of a lot of touch. You gave him hugs in passing, even a kiss on the cheek when you were saying goodbye, but you fully expected him to sit just out of reach when you were watching the movie. Yet he sat close, so you could reach out for him if you wanted, and he leaned towards you ever so slightly, and you did the same towards him. But neither of you reached out to fully touch. 

About halfway through the movie, Wvin started bouncing his leg. He did that a lot, if he was nervous or just particularly focused, but he never realized he was doing it until someone brought it up. Usually that person being Peter or Winston, once he started shaking half the furniture by accident. Without thinking you put your hand right on his thigh to get him to stop. Like so many had done to you— to varying reactions— and you did it without even thinking. 

You hadn’t even realized what you’d done, fully breaking the touch barrier until Egon’s leg stopped bouncing and he turned to look at you. You looked down at your own hand as if it betrayed you, before quickly snatching it back. 

“Oh my god I’m so sorry— I just— I didn’t even think about it.” 

“Why are you apologizing, I appreciate it, I didn’t realize I was bouncing my leg.”

“Well I didn’t mean to–touch–you? I guess? I don’t know, I know you don’t really like excessive touch.”

“Well, thank you but I don’t mind your touch. Quite the opposite actually.” He cleared his throat at the beginning and end of the sentence, and it was that nervous tick that got you to actually believe him. He wasn’t just saying that for your benefit, and at the sentiment your brain was gone. Just gone— you couldn’t think of anything to say or do,

you were so happy. 

“Oh. Ok then” you pushed yourself closer to him, finally closing the distance between you to lay your head on his shoulder. It was admittedly a bit awkward, but nevertheless comforting. 

[kaka-iru]

do you, perhaps, have more kakairu fics you’d recommend? :)

-sotf

hello, of course! i'm happy that you enjoyed my previous recommendation ♡ here are some more of my favourite fics, in no particular order (most of the authors listed here have many more fantastic kakairu fics, I recommend checking out their profiles)!

some of these fics are explicit, please read the tags and warnings before reading ♡

KAKAIRU FIC RECS

☆ guess your trajectory by ohwickedsoul

Rating: T

Length: 56k (Complete)

That’s a fucking kid, is the first thing that Iruka thinks. That’s the fucking jinchuriki, is the second. The first thought comes back, even stronger, overwhelming him with outrage, with fury, with a sick sort of disgust, and now it comes out as a shouted, “That’s a fucking kid.”

Tags: Slow Burn; Found Family; Anbu Hatake Kakashi; Umino Iruka Adopts Uzumaki Naruto; Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence; Wards; Fuuinjutsu; Canon-Typical Violence

☆ a road leading home to you by emlof

Rating: T

Length: 13k (Complete)

There are benches near the gates of Konoha where people wait for their loved ones to return from missions. Kakashi is used to ignoring them; it’s been a long time since someone has taken anything more than a professional interest in his comings and goings.

Tags: Developing Relationship; Hurt/Comfort; Slow Burn; kakashi is maybe a little emotionally constipated but it's fine

☆ not so practiced by leeflet

Rating: E

Length: 14k (Complete)

Iruka is only mildly surprised when he blinks his eyes open against the ache pounding behind them to find a bare face close enough to kiss. He lets his eyes trace along a soft jaw line to the cupid’s bow of thin lips with too big canines peeking out from behind them, and then up along a narrow nose to the scar crossing his eye, and oh. It’s Kakashi.

Tags: Light Angst

☆ in which certain things are crossed out by rokudaime

Rating: E

Length: 20k (Complete)

It's not always about what you say. Sometimes it's all about exactly what you can't.

Tags: Chuunin Exams; Post-Naruto Time Skip | Naruto Shippuden; Slow Build; Friends With Benefits; Friends to Lovers; Accidental Voyeurism; Konoha's jounin are relentless gossips and no one can tell me it's not canon; Eventual Romance; Implied/Referenced Homophobia; Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD; Soldier Life

☆ bring dog treats by kageillusionz & rocketpunchh

Rating: T

Length: 44k (Complete)

Iruka peruses the mission board when he overhears some kunoichi talking about a C-rank babysitting mission. Curious by the rumours, Iruka takes a look.

Mission Rank: C-Rank, Chuunin and above only.

Mission Duration: ???? One week. An arrangement can be made for recurring services if you survive.

Mission Description: Feral baby. Please feed and water. Bring dog treats. He likes those.

Signed: Henohenomoheji.

Iruka untacks the mission brief, walks over to the mission coordinators and asks, “This mission is a prank, right?” Or: The continual well-being of Uzumaki Naruto rides on a C-Ranked mission.

Tags: Alternate Universe - Pre-Canon; Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence; Found Family; Slow Burn; Slice of Life; Mission Fic; Humor; Fluff; Kidnapping; Major Character Injury; Angst; Hurt/Comfort; Implied/Referenced Homophobia; Adoption

☆ put into words by themidnightguardian

Rating: T

Length: 12k (Complete)

Hatake waved his hand dismissively. “I’m sure it’s fine—” Iruka finally snapped. “It’s illegible! Our cryptology department wouldn’t be able to read this! There are first-year pre-genin with better handwriting. No, there are nin-dogs with better handwriting. And where did the mud even come from? You were supposed to be in Sand!” ***5 times Iruka wanted to kill Kakashi at the mission desk + 1 time he kissed him instead***

Tags: Kakashi's mission reports are a disaster; On Purpose; flirting by way of causing homicidal rage; Iruka is trying his best; but he ends up yelling a lot; Hatake Kakashi is Bad at Feelings; Mutual Pining; if by that you mean Kakashi thinks they're dating; and Iruka has no idea; the whole village knows they're together before Iruka does; Jealous Mizuki; Mission Desk Shenanigans; Misunderstandings

☆ research mission by charab

Rating: E

Length: 250k (Ongoing)

Little did they know what would happen when one puts two male shinobis under the same roof for a month.

Tags: Research; Absurd; Romantic Comedy; Everyday ANBU; Enemies to Friends to Lovers; Slow Burn; Consensual Violence; Medical Experimentation; Near Death Experiences

☆ chasing butteries by averil

Rating: M

Length: 30k (Ongoing)

Iruka wakes up in his younger self's body determined to change things.

Tags: Romance; Drama; Time Travel

☆ table scraps by thehoyden

Rating: T

Length: 1k (Complete)

He's making different excuses now, and all to get back into Iruka's apartment, and more specifically, his kitchen.

Tags: N/A

☆ the worst mission ever by hazelbeka

Rating: T

Length: 21k (Complete)

“Iruka, how would you feel about taking on a solo mission for me?” Sandaime asked. Thrown by the change of topic, Iruka blinked at him. “What do you want me to do?” he asked. “Befriend Hound.”

Tags: Anbu Hatake Kakashi; seals master Iruka; Kid Fic; Found Family; Friendship; Humor; Iruka was raised by ANBU; bickering idiots to friends

☆ my lips, your teeth by wizardinblack

Rating: E

Length: 2k (Complete)

Ahead of their first date, Iruka is shocked to hear a rumor that Kakashi never takes off his mask - not even for lovers - and goes into it planning to leave him high and dry. Except, it doesn't actually happen that way. OR Iruka teaches Kakashi how to kiss, among other things.

Tags: Eventual Romance; Dogteeth kakashi; Never been Kissed Kakashi

☆ exigent circumstances by karaboo

Rating: E

Length: 26k (Complete)

“Are you fucking with me, Kakashi-san?” Kakashi’s eyes widened at the unexpected outburst. He opened his mouth to reply, but Iruka cut him off. “Because if this is some kind of joke and you’re just trying to get a rise out of me, I promise you I will take advantage of your incapacitated state and kill you right here.” His eyes flashed with anger. “No one would know.” -- Wherein Kakashi finds himself chakra exhausted a bit too far from home, but is saved through the work of an extremely competent chuunin sensei and an unlikely forbidden jutsu.

Tags: Competent Umino Iruka; Fuuinjutsu Master Umino Iruka; Canon-Typical Violence; Sassy Pakkun; Sassier Tsunade

☆ taking a break by ohmygoshwhatascream

Rating: T

Length: 47k (Complete)

With Naruto gone, Iruka finds himself left with nothing but loose ends. Lonely, but not quite willing to admit it, life goes on. He takes more shifts at the mission desk, avoids his friends and tries to convince himself that the shadows in his apartment are not growing larger and larger with each passing day. It doesn't help that Hatake Kakashi, a man who Iruka tries to avoid at all costs, is suddenly lingering in each and every corner of his life. No matter what he tells himself, there's something about Kakashi that makes it impossible to stay away. The remnants of an age-old crush that never quite faded offer the promise of something he'd promised to forget and, even when it burns, Iruka finds himself captivated. His back bears the cruel memory of weakness and he knows that this can't last.

Tags: Fluff; Angst; Slow Burn; Past Mizuki/Iruka - Freeform; Mizuki Sucks; Implied/Referenced Past Abuse; Trust Issues; Miscommunication; Emotional Hurt/Comfort; Iruka is a bit of a mess; Eventual Happy Ending

☆ fortune hold you (she's not your friend) by alpha_hydra

Rating: Unrated

Length: 28k (Ongoing)

Kakashi hears it first from Genma, who is whispering it to Anko while wringing his hands together. Umino Iruka’s new interrogation technique is pulling Jonin from active duty. They're dropping like flies. Kakashi decides to see for himself what's so ground-breaking about it. AKA: Wherein Kakashi is forced to acknowledge that he's not actually doing okay, all things considered.

Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence; Canon-Typical Violence; Canonical Character Death; Anbu Hatake Kakashi; Hatake Kakashi Has Issues; Touch-Starved Hatake Kakashi; BAMF Umino Iruka; Mission Fic; Fix-It of Sorts; Pre-Naruto Canon Era

☆ you belong with (someone better than) me by vulcanhighblood

Rating: T

Length: 28k (Complete)

Exasperated with the ever-increasing number of well-meaning but annoying busybodies who seem to think he needs a man in his life, Iruka finally breaks down and asks Kakashi to be his fake-boyfriend in order to keep the wannabe-matchmakers off his back. The only problem is, Kakashi turns out to be a much better boyfriend than Iruka anticipated.

Tags: Fake/Pretend Relationship; Angst; Pining; Mutual Pining; Hatake Kakashi Needs a Hug; Protective Uzumaki Naruto; Idiots in Love

☆ dream alone, dream together by flailinginlove

Rating: T

Length: 2k (Complete)

Iruka finds it hard to get over perfection, even if it had only been a dream.

Tags: Infinite Tsukuyomi; Pining; Angst with a Happy Ending

☆ recommended for admission by pentapus

Rating: Unrated

Length: 25k (Complete)

The war ends. Iruka gets promoted. Things go differently for Kakashi.

Tags: so much ANBU; how to spot a naruto story by me; Everybody Lives; except for the bad guys; (and also sasuke is dead though it's only mentioned in passing)

☆ of riceballs and jello cups by 100demons

Rating: G

Length: 3k (Complete)

Iruka has lunch with the Legendary Sharingan no Kakashi.

It was not not peaceful. In a way, it was rather like having lunch with a chair. A chair that read porn and was also capable of assassinating people with a dull spoon.

Tags: Pre-Slash; Gen or Pre-Slash; First Meetings; Canon Compliant

☆ the mirror wheel eye by pentapus

Rating: T

Length: 31k (Complete)

Iruka saw his first execution barely a year after the Kyuubi. The executioner was a wire thin ninja in combat uniform, one eye covered and his hair almost white in the brutal sun.

Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence; alternate history to canon; Pre-Canon; Ninja Politics; Slow Build; Hurt/Comfort

☆ interested by flailinginlove

Rating: T

Length: 5k (Complete)

Iruka sees Kakashi without his mask and suddenly seems a lot more interested in him than he's ever been before.

Tags: vicious balls of fluff; gigantic crushes; Kakashi Has Issues

☆ venenum by mythoughtbubbles

Rating: E

Length: 32k (Complete)

He would lay waste to the world if Iruka so desired. He would bring Konoha to its knees and kneel in the ashes before Iruka in supplication if only to see Iruka’s smile directed towards him.

Tags: Dubious Ethics; Stalker Kakashi; Non-board certified usage of the sharingan; Iruka worship; Psychological Manipulation; Dark; but not TOO dark; technically there's fluff; Falling In Love; Emotional Manipulation; Dark Hatake Kakashi

☆ foreign tongue by anjelle

Rating: T

Length: 75k (Ongoing)

While on an ANBU retrieval mission, Kakashi triggers a curse seal that leaves him without sight, hearing, or speech. On his own and a week's travel away from the village, he has no choice but to rely on an unknown Konoha-nin that he meets on the road to get him home safely. That Konoha-nin is Iruka Umino, a freshly graduated genin, who may be even more lost than Kakashi is. But at least they're not alone.

Tags: Sensor-type Iruka; Sensory Deprivation; Anbu Hatake Kakashi; Slow Burn; Travel; Hurt/Comfort; Genin Iruka; ANBU - Freeform

☆ you can stand under my umbrella by hazelbeka

Rating: G

Length: 3k (Complete)

Iruka shelters Naruto from the rain. It’s a small kindness, but it’s more than anyone else has shown him. Kakashi vows to follow his example.

Tags: Found Family; Anbu Hatake Kakashi; seals master Iruka; pre-genin Naruto; starts with angst and ends with feel good fluff

☆ honest when it rains by panda_shi & subcognito

Rating: E

Length: 154k (Ongoing)

Kakashi and Iruka wake up hungover in a hotel room together and discover that they'd made some terrible decisions that forever change their lives. --- There are too many broken pieces of him for someone to hold; too much ugliness, and too many scars, and too much blood on his skin that he’ll never be able to wash off. Kakashi doesn’t know what it would even mean to love someone, or to be loved like he’s read in these kind of books. He’s only ever glimpsed what it might feel like in passing, in the looks Minato-sensei and Kushina-san exchanged with one another when they were still alive, and in the way their shadows held hands as they walked down the street together at night. In the smiles and in the laughter of families that live in the light, who don’t smell of dirt and blood and the decay that is the smell of men like him who go to war in the night. Love was never meant for men like him, who don’t even know what it means to be alive.

Tags: Slow Burn; Eventual Romance

☆ spring, neap by flipthebits

Rating: M

Length: 50k (Complete)

Kakashi has captained hundreds of missions over the past decade. One random chuunin beneath his command getting injured shouldn’t prompt more passing concern than any of the other casualties he’s witnessed. And yet, something keeps him in his orbit.

Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence; Slow Burn; Mutual Pining; Friends to Lovers; Not Actually Unrequited Love

☆ and feeling lost by justdoityoufucker (orphan_account)

Rating: T

Length: 4k (Complete)

Umino Iruka apparently does stupid things while high on painkillers. For example, yelling at the Hokage and his elite guard. Completely hypothetically, of course.

Tags: N/A

☆ b-movie love story by pentapus

Rating: Unrated

Length: 4k (Complete)

Iruka had barely touched the beer in front of him; it was the end of the school year, and he'd had a low grade headache for days. Somewhere halfway through this stack of student papers, the headache had kicked up into dizziness.

Tags: Soul Bond; fluid relationship with fourth war canon

☆ missing by decaf_kitty

Rating: E

Length: 6k (Complete)

Kakashi discovers his ninken sneak off to be spoiled by Iruka... Naturally he wants to be pampered, too.

Tags: Hurt/Comfort; Ninken | Ninja Dogs; Slow Romance; Platonic Cuddling; Sexual Tension; Forehead Kisses

☆ willful concealment by rengonemad

Rating: E

Length: 13k (Complete)

“Are you planning to keep my hair tie?” Iruka asked suddenly, a hint of amusement in his voice. “I’m holding it prisoner for crimes against the citizens of Konoha.” “What are the charges?” Kakashi smiled, twirling the band around his forefinger like a kunai. “Perjury and willful concealment.” Iruka huffed and shook his head, lips thinning in a way that made Kakashi think he was holding back a grin. “You know, if I’d realized you had such a thing for long hair, I would have started wearing mine down years ago.” Kakashi’s thumb caught the hair band, halting its revolution. “Years?” (Or, in which Iruka asks for a single night, and gets a whole lot more.)

Tags: Pining; One Night Stands; Love Confessions; Canon Compliant; Canon - Manga; POV Hatake Kakashi

☆ eye to eye (fist to fist) by terrorfecta

Rating: T

Length: 20k (Complete)

Umino Iruka had never made it a secret that he disliked the last Hatake. Kakashi never questioned why, used to people deciding what he was like before they even met him. Unfortunately for Konoha as a whole, their mutual distaste for each other soon got picked up by the gossip mill and blown out of proportion after a particularly charged discussion at the mission desk. To stop their escalating social war, the Hokage quickly sent the two on a mission to Iron, where the duo are forced to work together whether they like it or not. Kami help them all.

Tags: Enemies to Lovers; Slow Burn; Canon-Typical Violence; inappropriate use of jutsu; Prankster Umino Iruka

[captainmartin20]

earlier this year i remember all the cc fans on here shutting down their accounts when they tried to spin the racism bit on her or they just unstanned i think i was following you at the time and you said something like you were just gonna step away or just not post about her till she cleared it up. do you mind me asking what convinced you to go back to posting her soon after when everyone was like still scared to for whatever reason. i love your account and cc i’m just curious and always admired that you didn’t let it sway you like it did others.

hi anon!

yes I do remember posting that I'll be limiting my posts to only posting about her when it's related to Kate. I guess I kind of fell into the trap of blindly believing what everyone else was saying at first, forgetting that opinions are different from fact. The fact is, Caitlin seems like someone who isn't performative in any way– on and off the court. People will say whatever they want on social media, make assumptions on the kind of person she is, ask her to change her attitude and body language, but she's just not that kind of person. She seems like she would never bend her back to satisfy people. She's does not seem like a people pleaser. She's sometimes selfish on the ball, she'll stand toe to toe with her coaches, punch a chair etc etc. And no matter how many times people will call her out for it, she just does not give a shit. She WILL punch that chair.

We'll probably never see her call out her trolls on social media or during post-game pressers. Even when that fan was crossing the line during the game and allowed to walk back to his seat with barely a warning, she said nothing– not during the presser and not on social media. She said she wants to keep her head down and hoop and that's all she's going to do.

However, we seen that it doesn't mean she doesn't actively try to fix issues she can control. For example, when they made that doc-series following her final year at Iowa, she proposed that they invite Kamilla and Kiki to feature alongside her, even though it was originally just going to be about her. And as a result of the success of the documentary-series, I heard they're looking to do a feature on a new set of college players the following season!

Around the time when the Sheryl Swoopes incident happened, and there were all these outrageous allegations that Swoopes "hated" her, she went on SNL to praise her (along with her other basketball idols) as part of her segment when the focus was on her being the #1 pick. People said "well it's scripted" no shit. It's snl, not a good morning america interview. The point is, she could've made it all about her, all about this big moment in her career but she choose to shine the spotlight on the players that came before her.

When there were all this talk about CC not being a good teammate during the first few weeks of the season, Aliyah mentioned during a presser that CC was a good supportive teammate in the locker room– where it actually matters. Caitlin didn't like a post or send a tweet for the sake of showing it on social media to prove a point.

Then we found out the other day that Caitlin tried to implement a spot bonus for benefit of all the players in the league. For context: a spot bonus is a one-time monetary incentive that's given to employees as a result of extraordinary performance; which, in this case, would be the staggering attendance metrics at the games Indiana played — despite the attendance being mostly due to her (fever has the most games with the highest attendance record x). She said ALL OF US WILL BE GETTING FED ON MY WATCH.

Caitlin has stated multiple times that she doesn't seek validation from others outside of her circle, and that's something that I think resinated with me because back then I wanted to blindly follow whatever the big accounts in this community were saying. Don't be a sheep, folks.

also, she's a really good basketball player and im gonna celebrate that :)

[taegularities]

colour me in: timeline | jjk

numerous main parts and several drabbles in, i realised how easy it is to lose track of time. considering how we’ve been jumping between the present and the past, it’s become necessary to illustrate what cmi’s timeline looks like, especially since we can’t store every bit of information ever mentioned in the chapters in our brains at once! so i decided to make this little post that outlines the cmi couple’s entire story chronologically. i will explain things that aren’t explicitly mentioned in the series in detail – the rest is only briefly listed.

in case you haven’t read the series yet and plan to do so – spoilers ahead!! hope the timeline makes sense! 💕 

⤑ SERIES MASTERLIST

⤑ last year, sometime in late spring. break up with nara:

mentioned in cmi4/lights and cmi8/blurred: ⋆ jungkook and nara separate. ⋆ there is a back and forth for a couple of days, but they settle on a mutual decision: it’s over. ⋆ jungkook, hurt by loneliness and tempted by freedom, sleeps with other girls. ⋆ nara and jungkook cannot keep it at this break up – more to this later.

⤑ last year, july. frat party:

cmi8/blurred: ⋆ jungkook and oc meet at fratboy choi yeonjun’s private party and talk. ⋆ they hook up and build a connection without any high expectations of crossing paths again. ⋆ jungkook is not hooking up with nara at this point. ⋆ oc rejected hoseok whom she had a fling with during freshman year and again a couple months ago. he’s a fleeting friend.

⤑ last year, fall/september. accounting/business class:

mentioned throughout the series: ⋆ jungkook and oc meet again; oc is a business major, and jungkook attends this class for extra credits. ⋆ not long after meeting again, they fall into constant bickering, competitive in class but secretly fond of each other. lowkey even friends. ⋆ oc tries to push him away bc she’s sure this won’t end well. ⋆ soon after the semester starts, they start hooking up again.

⤑ last year, beginning of october. nara cont.:

partly mentioned in cmi4/lights and explained here and here: ⋆ jungkook and nara have a history together that goes beyond what they were to each other. they grew up together and are used to that connection, even though the depth of the relationship and its importance has faded throughout the last few months. ⋆ they hook up again, multiple times, but eventually realise that neither of them will benefit from this. it’s unhealthy – they need to move on and remain friends. ⋆ they part in good terms; a huge weight is lifted off their shoulders. nara and jungkook are officially over. ⋆ moving on is easier than it was right after their sudden decision to separate as a couple.

⤑ last year, end of october. the fwb deal:

cmi7.5.2/unhindered: ⋆ jungkook and oc have sex and seal the fwb deal. ⋆ jungkook hasn’t slept with anyone but oc since the beginning of october, and with nobody except nara and oc since the frat party.

⤑ last year, end of december. new year’s eve:

cmi5.5/not enough: ⋆ jungkook and oc, still in a fwb thing, are invited to a big party at hoseok’s place. ⋆ oc doesn’t reveal that she knows hoseok and jungkook doesn’t know. hoseok might or might not be aware that oc’s been hanging out with jungkook (more to this after cmi9).

⤑ this year, february 14th. valentine’s day:

cmi6.5/undying roses: ⋆ fwb still ongoing! jungkook and oc aren’t attending any classes together anymore; they’re friends now. ⋆ jungkook gifts her a ‘beauty & the beast’ rose bc he remembers her talking about the movie during choi yeonjun’s party. ⋆ but the movie isn’t mentioned in cmi8/blurred, so guess oc truly cannot remember this bit anymore – it’s not in her diary either.

⤑ this year, june. the fake dating deal:

cmi1 – cmi3/layers: ⋆ sealing the fake dating deal. ⋆ jungkook and nara are still somewhat friends. ⋆ more that unfolds: the paparazzi issues, jungkook’s first experience with newspaper headlines, clubbing with all their friends before oc finds out jungkook’s going away for a month.

⤑ this year, july. jungkook’s vacation and the journalist reveal:

cmi4/lights & cmi5/the canvas: ⋆ oc finds out about jungkook and nara’s history; jungkook goes on vacation after that. ⋆ jungkook comes back and needs to tell her something: a journalist, hired by her mother, has been following jungkook around for a while to find content for drama. this creates a huge rift between oc and her parents, and she temporarily stays at jungkook’s place.

⤑ this year, august. the confession and the break up:

cmi6/silhouettes – cmi7.5/letters from the heart: ⋆ oc spends her time at jungkook’s place. ⋆ they make a trip to a smalltown nearby and confess their feelings for each other in the rain, but the next day, everything collapses due to more terrible headlines and jungkook breaks up with her. ⋆ weeks later: they meet again at the hospital after yoongi’s accident. they accompany their friends to the movies where they impulsively kiss but unfortunately part again. ⋆ jungkook starts to realise that and why this was a mistake. he attends an exhibition hosted by namjoon where he displays two of his paintings. ⋆ it’s his birthday, and oc, despite receiving an invitation, doesn’t show up.

⤑ this year, september. the birthday, exhibition and the making up:

cmi8/blurred – cmi11.5/blooming: ⋆ oc has started looking for apartments. ⋆ oc goes to the exhibition and gives him his birthday present. ⋆ jk invites her to stay, but she leaves. ⋆ oc goes partying with jimin and eun and drunk calls jk who picks her up. ⋆ jk spends the weekend with oc. he reveals his secret and childhood trauma regarding his father and cousin; jk and oc make up and start their relationship. ⋆ oc keeps looking for apartments until jk offers her to move in with her. she thinks about his offer and reveals at a charmante press conference that she’ll be living with his boyfriend from now on – and that she is leaving charmante and becoming a manager at the subsidiary novaura. ⋆ oc has a conversation with her mother and finally spills all her thoughts. jk and oc start living together, and she starts her job at novaura. she meets seokjin there as a co-manager. ⋆ oc starts feeling sick and hides from jk due to a pregnancy scare. jk nearly goes insane looking for her, and the worries and the scare make him realise that he wants to stay with her, no matter what. ⋆ jk tells oc he loves her for the very first time. ⋆ oc and jk start getting used to living together. oc asks jk if he’d want to go on a trip with all their friends; he agrees.

⤑ this year, october. the trip, the wedding, the making up 2.0:

cmi12/palette & cmi13/the starry night: ⋆ jk and oc go on a trip with their friends in mid-october. they visit a mountain, a beach, play slippery soccer. yoongi and jimin’s relationship is confirmed, and taehyung and eun have grown closer, too. ⋆ oc tells jk that she, too, loves him. ⋆ oc and jk leave their friends earlier to drive to his hometown, to the wedding. ⋆ jk struggles with his relationship to his father and suffers a mental breakdown one night. oc confronts his father at the wedding and he, in turn, confronts jk, begs him to forgive him for neglecting him over the years. ⋆ at the wedding, jk and oc meet nara who gets too comfortable, unintentionally plants doubts in oc’s mind. jk and oc argue, but make up when the issue with his father prevails; there are bigger hurdles to fight in life, after all. ⋆ they go strawberry picking, to a festival, play with gureum, have the time of their lives and then travel back to the city. ⋆  what next?

⤑ this year, mid-november: the 1-week-long fight:

cmi9.5/seven:  ⋆ jk and oc have a fight that goes on for a week. jk serves as a fashion model at oc’s job. oc has already been working at novaura for a while. ⋆ more or less a filler chapter!

i will add more as we go! this is a late night post, so i might come back to edit it later; i hope this helps for now. please remember that this timeline isn’t supposed to be a summary; it merely provides some insight into what occurred when. only those who have read the fic will find this actually helpful – if you’re interested in the storyline, please do read the series 🤍  

[morning-star-joy]

speak to me until your history's no mystery to me

a stranger's heart without a home Chapter 15

Pairing: friends with benefits Joel x F!Reader, Post-Outbreak

Chapter Summary: Tommy approaches you about an idea for Joel's birthday, and you have to distract the man by getting drinks while your friends prepare for a surprise birthday party. When the night winds down, you and Joel share a peaceful moment where you open up to each other more than ever before.

Chapter Warnings: Mentions of Death (Reader's younger sister and Sarah), Grief/Depression with some Catharsis/Healing, Mentions of Sexual Situations, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Alcohol Use (including Underage Alcohol Use but they are supervised by Responsible Adults), Language

A/N: We're caught up to ao3 now! New chapters will be posted here on the weekends when I update on ao3. Ty guys for all the notes, asks, kudos, and comments!!! Words can't describe how grateful I am for the support! I hope you all have an amazing week and I'll see you for Chapter 16, most likely on Saturday!!

Wordcount: 13.1k

chapter 1 || chapter 14 || chapter 15 || masterlist

ao3 link

“I have an idea.”

You pause in your actions, the rattle shaking in your hand stopping as you glanced up from the crib to Tommy’s face next to you.

“No.”

“What?” Tommy asked, baffled at how you already turned him down. “I haven’t even told you yet!”

“I don’t like it,” you said plainly, looking back down at Hope as you began to shake the rattle for her again, much to the baby’s apparent glee judging by her increased babbles.

“But I haven’t even—”

“Or your face,” you added, raising your free hand to point at the stupid, smug Miller look he still had on, and he glared playfully at you.

“Now, that’s just uncalled for,” Tommy drawled, his smooth Southern accent blanketing the words, and you rolled your eyes as you realized the sound of it meant he was laying on the charm thick.

“You think you can work that good Southern boy charm on me, Tommy Miller?” you scoffed, giving him a look of mock disapproval. “You grossly overestimate your ability.”

“Nah, I just grossly underestimate your ability to call my bullshit from a mile away,” he sighed as he crossed his arms, leaning them on the top of the crib to smile down at his daughter, and you can’t help but snort at his remark.

“Seems like you’re finally learning. Guess you can teach an old dog new tricks,” you teased with a cheeky grin, satisfied with the glare Tommy fixed you with.

“Fu—”

“The child!” you interrupted him with a fake gasp, and Tommy rolled his eyes, even as he couldn’t stop a chuckle at your mock offense to his colorful vocabulary.

“She doesn’t even know what’s going on,” he dismissed with a wave of his hand, before his expression melts further when his daughter laughs at your continued shaking of the rattle. “She likes you, though.”

“She likes her rattle,” you brush the compliment off with another shake of the toy, unable to help your own small, fond smile as she laughs brightly again.

You saw Tommy roll his eyes at you from the corner of your eye, but he didn’t say anything further on the subject.

“So, you really ain’t gonna let me tell you my grand idea?”

You sighed heavily, pulling the rattle out of the crib when Hope’s eyes began to droop, a sign that a nap time was approaching.

“Well I know you won’t shut up about it if I don’t,” you reply as you move to set the toy down on the dresser. “So tell me your brilliant idea, oh mastermind Tommy Miller.”

Tommy winced at that, leaning back on the balls of his feet.

“Alright, I like it better when you’re bruising my ego, not inflating it,” he said, and you laughed while you followed him out of the nursery.

“Come on,” you tease, gently smacking him in the chest as you walk to the stairs together. “Now I’m actually curious.”

“Because you like what you can’t have,” he teased, and you let out a disbelieving scoff, even as the words hit a little too close to home. Especially as he added, “Okay, so, Joel’s birthday is coming up.”

The mention of him directly after that previous comment threw you off a bit too much, your foot hovering in the air for a moment as you recollected yourself before you finished descending the staircase.

“How soon exactly is ‘coming up’?” you asked with an inquisitive arch of your brow, trying to not let it show that the topic had actually piqued your curiosity.

“Friday,” he said flatly, and you scoffed.

“Tommy, that’s in three days.” You set your hands on your hips, your other eyebrow raising to join the first as you glanced over him. “Whatever you’re planning for him, it better come together quick.”

“Well, see,” Tommy said slowly with a grin, and you began to shake your head, already knowing where this was going.

“No—”

“That’s where you come in—”

“No, Tommy—”

“All you gotta do is distract him for a bit—”

“Tommy—”

“Take him out for a drink or something, it wouldn’t kill you,” Tommy continued to delve into his great big plan for Joel’s birthday, despite your protests, and you threw your hands up in the air with a defeated sigh when you realized he wouldn’t stop explaining it now, “so then Ellie and I can get the house all decorated—”

“Your house?”

“Your house.”

“Tommy!” you exclaimed, eyes wide with genuine shock. ”What the fuck—my house?”

“He’ll never expect it,” Tommy replied as if the answer was obvious, his tone as cheeky as the grin on his face.

“He’ll never come,” you try to convince him, even if you were the only one who knew that wasn’t exactly true. “Tommy, seriously, Joel and I—”

“Got some real bonding time in,” Tommy interrupted, arching a brow at you as he moved into the living room to flop back onto the couch. “Remember? Said it yourself.”

You paused, taken aback as he flung the words you had spoken after you and Joel had been in the nursery back in your face.

“I mean, we—”

“Are getting along better than you used to,” Tommy said with a smile that turned from cocky to kind, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “I’ve noticed.”

Your body stiffened at the observation, but you tried to cover it up by collapsing onto the couch next to him. Dropping your head back onto the cushions, you stared at the ceiling, wondering just how you had gotten into this kind of conversation with Tommy.

Maybe you were the one who had underestimated him.

You resisted the urge to shift or look over to try and read his face. Instead, you kept staring at the ceiling, waiting for him to say something.

But it seemed like your friend was also waiting for you to say something, and you fell into an uneasy game of trying to wait the other person out, to get them to talk first.

At least, it was uneasy for you.

When you finally gave in and looked over at Tommy, he looked downright fucking thrilled.

Those fucking Miller brothers, you thought with a roll of your eyes before straightening.

“Yeah, okay,” you admitted, tossing your hands in the air like you were giving up. “Fine, Joel and I are…friendly.”

“Fucking finally!” Tommy exclaimed with a wide grin that lit up his dark eyes like stars in the night sky, and you sighed, unable to stay mad at the sight of his happiness. “Told you that you’d get along! God, you’re both so fucking stubborn. Why didn’t you just admit it?”

You shrugged, crossing your arms as you turned away from him again.

It wasn’t often that you felt guilty about the second rule of your arrangement with Joel, but in the face of Tommy’s glee at the revelation that you were friends with his brother now…

You did feel a bit ashamed.

“Because—” you paused, realizing that the conversation was beginning to sound dangerously close to the one in your kitchen, when Tommy was interrogating you about who you had been fucking.

You shifted, your arms tightening across your chest, ignoring the confused glance Tommy sent you at your sudden hesitation.

“Because we thought it’d be fun to fuck with you.” The lie came out easy, and that guilt grew a bit deeper in your stomach, even as Tommy let out a loud guffaw, finding the fake revelation entertaining.

“Fuck you guys,” Tommy sighed, though the words were affectionate as he shook his head at you. “Goddammit, wait, you two might be a couple of menaces together. I don’t think this was a—”

“Too late now!” you interrupted cheerfully, pushing yourself to your feet to pace away from your friend. “So, what, I just gotta distract him for a bit, then bring him back, right? You’ll take care of the rest?”

“Bingo,” Tommy enunciated each syllable with his reply, pointing at you as he did so, and you rolled your eyes as you began to walk out of the room.

“Joel’s going to fucking kill you—you know that, right?” you call back over your shoulder, tugging open the front door before sending one last glance to your friend as he stood to see you out.

“Yeah, probably,” Tommy admitted with a shrug. “Hey, don’t forget a gift, though!”

You turned on the porch, eyes wide and mouth agape at Tommy’s sudden request.

“A gift?” you repeated, holding your hands out wide, as if to demonstrate how empty-handed you were for this event. “Where the fuck am I supposed to find a birthday gift for your asshole brother in three days—”

“Be there!” Tommy interrupted gleefully before shutting the door right in your face.

You groaned, running a hand through your hair, glaring at the closed door for a moment longer before spinning on your heel to go try and figure out what the fuck you were going to get Joel Miller for his birthday.

Three days came and went in a carefully contained panic.

You really tried not to stress out about the fact that not only did you have to find Joel a present for his birthday party within the short timeframe, but that you were hosting said birthday party at your house.

And he had no idea.

The more you tried to contain your emotions, the more they seemed to boil over. When it became obvious to Dina, you had told her about the party plans, and invited her to attend before she could even ask when you saw the way her entire face lit up at the idea—not to mention it would take the place of your typical Friday game night.

Joel noticed your increased awkwardness too, something you tried to distract him from with mind-blowing sex. Afterwards, you were much more relaxed than before, and he was too satisfied from your stress relief session to try and press you about it.

But even then you couldn’t leave it alone completely, since you had been tasked with the arduous task of distracting him during party preparation the next day.

You were laying back on the couch, head propped up on your hand as you lazily watched Joel move into the dining room to prepare your typical post-fuck drinks after he had cleaned you up. The drinks were a habit that had become fairly regular after your nights spent together, but the aftercare was new, something he had started doing since that night he had showed up at your house drunk and jealous.

When Joel returned with the drinks in hand, he passed one to you before gently patting your legs, a gesture for you to pull them off the end of the couch so he could sit. You pulled your legs up, curling them underneath you as you watched him with slightly furrowed brows, trying to figure out how to trick him into wasting time with you tomorrow.

Getting him to your house wouldn’t be the hard part—although you would have to ensure he wasn’t too…eager to participate in your usual activities, given the audience that he wouldn’t know you were going to have when you arrived.

No, the truly difficult part would be getting him to spend time with you beforehand.

In daylight.

In public.

“You’re gonna burn a hole through the side of my head.”

Blinking a few times, your vision focused back on Joel, realizing you had been zoning out while staring at the side of his face, which had now turned to face you directly.

Off to a great start.

You took a breath, trying to weave an intricate plan so you could subtly trick him into being distracted for a few hours, your eyes narrowing slightly as you tried to plot it all out in your head.

Your mouth opened to flawlessly execute your master plan, “Uhh—”

Fuck.

You snapped your mouth closed, your eyes narrowing further, but in annoyance this time as a look of faint amusement crossed Joel’s face while he watched you hedge.

“You wanna get drinks tomorrow?”

Joel blinked at the question that came out of the blue, his amusement shifting into concealed surprise, and you winced internally.

Well that was fucking awful, you remarked internally, trying not to seem too awkward as you watched Joel watching you. Shit.

Slowly, Joel raised the glass in his hand, and you understood what he meant even before he replied, “We are having drinks?”

“Yeah,” you assented, giving a short nod, because he wasn’t wrong. 

You did have drinks regularly after fucking, as you were right now, so why would you ask him to get drinks tomorrow, without the fucking? How was that supposed to be normal and not really fucking weird?

“Yeah,” you repeated, wincing externally this time at how you only repeated yourself without advancing the conversation at all. Shit, this really wasn’t going in your favor, and you had barely even started. “But I meant—well, you know.”

“No, I don’t know,” Joel said with an arch of his brow. He glanced over you before asking slowly, “Are you feeling okay?”

You kicked him in the thigh, making him recoil with a barely held-back chuckle, and you couldn’t help but smile as you heard the sound get trapped in his throat.

“Well,” you almost groaned as you realized you were hedging again, before deciding to just go for it, “I just meant as friends. Because we are friends now, right?”

Joel was still staring at you as if you had suddenly grown a second head, even as he slowly replied, “Right.”

“And friends go out for drinks, right?”

Joel’s brow furrowed, glancing over you again as he probably tried to figure out what the fuck you were getting at, even as he nodded in confirmation.

“Then there you have it,” you replied simply, throwing back the rest of the drink before passing the empty glass back to Joel. You hopped to your feet, smiling widely at him and moving towards the hallway. “See you tomorrow, then.”

“Wait—”

You continued to walk towards the front door, only sparing one glance back towards Joel’s face that was scrunched up in utter confusion. It was impossible to hold back a laugh at the sight, and his expression smoothed out momentarily, shifting into something else you couldn’t—or didn’t—want to decipher before turning back around.

“The Tipsy Bison at sundown!” you called back as you swung the door open, only allowing your nervousness to show after the door had closed behind you.

Groaning quietly, your footsteps automatically began to take the most hidden path back home, a route that had become well-worn by your own shoes night after night.

“Well, great fucking job,” you groaned to yourself, rubbing your hands over your face and through your hair. “Just strong-arm him into it without an explanation. Real subtle. Really fucking great.”

You would like to say that you didn’t immediately look at the skirt or the heels in your closet within minutes of arriving back at your house, but that would be a lie.

You would also like to say you didn’t stare at the tube of lipstick that Dina had conveniently forgotten on your bathroom counter, but that would be a lie too.

But what you definitely would never admit was how you had fallen asleep that night staring at the side of the bed where Joel had laid for only minutes after he had briefly called you his only weeks before.

You didn’t wear the skirt. 

Or the heels. 

Or the lipstick.

What you did wear was one of your nicest shirts, a soft long-sleeved one that was in rotation for the clothes you wore to dinner with the Millers each month. Paired with one of your less faded pairs of jeans, you were ready to head out and meet up with Joel, even as a strange nervousness you couldn’t explain settled in your bones.

That feeling lasted up until the point when you stepped through the doors of The Tipsy Bison and saw Joel sitting at the far end of the bar.

The nerves shifted into something else as you watched him sitting there, a full glass of whiskey in front of him, his hands wrapped around it as he stared down at the amber liquid. You realized with a start that he was wearing one of his nicer flannels—nicer meaning less worn and threadbare, one of the ones that he typically wore to dinner at Tommy and Maria’s.

Something about the sight of him sitting there in that shirt, brows furrowed as he stared at his full drink without taking so much as a sip from it, filled you with a newfound confidence. Your back straightened, taking steps with steady purpose as you strode through the bar towards him.

When you saw him begin to turn as you got closer, you glanced away, getting the bartender’s attention for a drink before you sank down in the spot next to Joel. You could feel his gaze on the side of your face when you rested your chin on your hand, your other fingers tapping a rhythm out against the bar counter.

You could only hope Joel hadn’t picked up on the tapping being a nervous habit of yours yet.

Neither of you said anything for a moment, and you only glanced over at him once you felt his eyes finally move off of you. He was back to staring into his full drink, only taking a sip from it once the bartender returned to place your own drink in front of you.

You paused in the middle of raising your own glass for a sip, glancing over your companion as he swallowed and placed his drink back down.

He was…waiting?

Clearing your throat, you turned back around, taking a large drink from your glass before your fingers moved back to tap against the bar faster.

Suddenly, it was like you were back at the start of your budding friendship. Any conversation that had become easy between you in recent weeks seemed far out of your grasp now, your legs crossing as you searched for something to say that wouldn’t sound totally fucking forced and awkward.

“What, no skirt for me?”

The low murmur drew a surprised laugh from you, your eyes finally flashing back to Joel’s face as his own eyes moved from the movement of your crossed legs up to your face. He shot you a sly smirk that was nearly imperceptible behind the rim of his glass, one you couldn’t help but return.

“I’m sorry,” you replied, keeping your voice equally low to avoid any eavesdropping patrons, even as the bar was emptier than it had been in the height of summer, “that’s a luxury few can afford, cowboy.”

It was a bad comeback, really. Outdated and overused, but Joel quietly chuckled at it anyway, his brow arching in response before replying, “Oh yeah? Like Mike can?”

You blinked in surprise for a second before quickly recovering, but Joel had noticed—of course he noticed, stupid perceptive bastard—his smirk widening just a fraction in satisfaction that he had caught you off-guard with the comment.

“And if I said he could?” you murmured, your voice dangerously toeing the line between friendly and sultry teasing.

Joel shook his head as he looked back at his drink, his pinky finger tapping against the glass. You could tell by the look on his face he had caught your intent of trying to goad him now, but his jaw still ticked slightly. A familiar heat curled through you at the sight of what may just be a hint of that jealousy you had gotten a taste of weeks before.

“Well, not many eligible bachelors in Jackson, right?” he finally said through a sigh, repeating your words from the nursery a month before. Joel still didn’t look at you as he drank before adding, “Guess you take what you can get.”

You snorted, shaking your head as you looked down into your own drink. There was something about the words that caused an unfamiliar feeling to grow, twisting uncomfortably in your stomach before settling to the bottom like rocks weighing you down.

So distracted by the unsettling intensity of the feeling, you almost missed it as Joel muttered, “But you could do better.”

Just like that, the feeling was gone in the blink of an eye, even as it was accompanied by surprise so strong that it made you freeze.

That was the second—third?—time tonight that Joel had managed to stun you, and in less than two minutes at that.

And this time your cheeks began to heat to accompany your shock.

You turned your head away quickly, glancing towards the other side of the bar to pretend you were looking over the room as you composed yourself. His gaze was impossible to ignore on the back of your head, but you tried anyway, mentally scolding yourself to get it the fuck together.

This was just Joel. The conversation between you was no different than any others—just because you were out in public instead of one of your houses didn’t make any difference.

So then why the fuck was your heart running a marathon right now?

You cleared your throat, turning back to face your drink again once you felt your cheeks cool down.

There were a multitude of remarks running through your head, ranging from friendly to seductive to something that you didn’t even want to think about.

Eventually your mouth opened and the words came tumbling out, “Yeah, somehow I get the feeling he couldn’t take me home and leave me satisfied.”

You looked at Joel from the corner of your eye, watching his lips turn up in a cross between a familiar knowing smirk and a smile that felt too real to be directed towards you.

Still, you shot him a quick wink before downing the rest of your drink, an action that was quickly followed by him before he ordered another round for the both of you.

That round was followed by another, and another, the drinks accompanied by quiet jokes and laughter that grew a bit louder the more alcohol that you consumed. Eventually you had to cut yourselves off, not wanting to be anything more than tipsy as you remembered the real purpose of the night.

So that was how you found Joel walking you back to your house, the both of you a little more mellow from the alcohol, and snickering a little too loudly at comments that weren’t even that funny. You noticed that he sidestepped the intermittent street lights leading you back, and you stayed by his side, sticking to the shadows with him as he rolled his eyes at you.

“No.”

“Oh, come on,” you drawled, elbowing him in the side and laughing at how he stumbled just slightly from it. You noticed he didn’t wince, and you felt a small sense of relief at the realization that his injury had probably healed. “You gonna tease me like that and not follow through?”

“I didn’t tease you,” Joel replied, shaking his head at your mock exasperation. “You eavesdropped.”

“You were the one yelling about guitar lessons!” you pointed out with a laugh, eliciting a scoff from him at your word choice.

“Yelling—”

“Come on,” you said again, taking a step closer, nudging his shoulder with yours this time, “you can’t hide all that talent from me, cowboy.”

Joel snorted at that, the sound loud and full of genuine amusement, and you brightened at the lightheartedness of it.

“Hardly,” he drawled, shooting you a lopsided bemused smirk that did things to you that you would take to the grave. “Haven’t you ever heard that ‘if you can’t do, teach?’”

Now it was your turn to roll your eyes as you shot back, “Somehow, I don’t believe that applies to you, Miller. You are absolutely holding back from me, and I won’t rest until you play me a song.”

Joel shook his head again, his gaze sharpening on you as you shifted so you were standing in front of him. 

A smirk grew on your face as you added under your breath, “Besides, you can’t lie to me. I already know how talented those fingers are.”

He made a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a scoff, his eyes lighting up with surprise at your blunt innuendo that quickly shifted into a familiar dark intent. It was a look that would’ve been so easy to become trapped in if you didn’t remember the situation you were trying to trick him into tonight.

So you took a step back, still smirking up at him as you walked backwards in front of him for a few more steps before spinning back around. You hummed a satisfied little tune to yourself as you heard him sigh behind you, followed by quick footfalls as he caught up to you.

“What about you?”

You turned at the question, looking over at him in confusion until he clarified, “Any special, secret talents I don’t already know about?”

“Other than stabbing, shooting and fucking?” you asked bluntly, making him laugh again. 

Somewhere in the back of your mind, you remembered that you were still walking down Jackson’s streets, even as you took the road less traveled by. Anybody could stick their head out their doors and hear you if they listened hard enough, but you were too buzzed to care. 

You couldn’t help but join in Joel’s laughter as you glanced away with a shake of your head. “Nah, not particularly.”

“Bullshit,” Joel replied quickly and quietly, making you turn back with a scoff. “Come on, you haven’t spent thirty—”

He stopped suddenly, glancing over you with a frown. His eyes shifted into an analytical look you hadn’t seen from him for a while, but it didn’t hold the detached, frigid chill you had witnessed upon first meeting him.

“What?” you asked, a grin growing on your face as those familiar brown eyes darted around your face, and you realized what he was looking for. “Joel Miller, you must know that asking a woman’s age is dangerous territory.”

“I just—” he stopped, reaching a hand up to run through the hair on the back of his head, brows furrowing while he continued to look at you. “Thirty, right? Thirty something?”

You chuckled, shaking your head in amusement before turning away, quickening your steps to keep ahead of him, even as he kept trying to catch up.

“Thirty two? Thirty three?” Your laughter only grew as he continued trying to throw out numbers until one stuck. “Shit, not—twenty-eight? Twenty-nine?”

Seeing that you were enjoying his floundering far too much to give him an answer, he quickly gave up. When you turned around to walk backwards again, he was shaking his head with a sigh, and you couldn’t help a small smile at the exasperation that you had caused.

“What about you? Is the grumpy old bastard old enough for a cane yet?”

Joel just kept shaking his head, a familiar glimmer in his eye as he replied in a low tone that was almost a murmur, “You sure have some weird kinks, you know that?”

You laughed, your head tilting back with the sound, and you swear you saw something flash through Joel’s eyes before he looked away.

“No, but seriously,” you said as you stopped in front of him, causing him to also stop walking suddenly so he didn’t run right into you. Still, it left a distance between you so short that your chests would be grazing each other if one of you took a couple steps forward. “How old?”

Joel sighed, staring at you blankly for another moment. When you didn’t budge, he stated flatly, “Fifty si—seven. Fifty seven.”

“Forgetting already?” you asked, raising both your eyebrows as you turned around to walk by his side again. Even though you knew it was because he must have remembered that today was his birthday, he didn't know that you knew that, so you teased, “Damn, already going senile. What a shame.”

Joel elbowed you in the arm, and you looked back up at him as you snickered.

“Shut up,” he muttered, hands shoving in the pockets of his jacket, gesturing with the same elbow to your left.

You turned, realizing with a start that you were right outside the familiar picket fence of your house.

Suddenly, you were hit with the startling feeling of deja vu. You could vividly recall the first time you had stood outside that gate like this together, staring at your house while not saying a word. The only thing that was missing was the fall of snow around you and a comment about the color of your house.

Holding back a sigh, you glanced over to gaze at Joel’s side profile as you marveled at how much had changed between you in what was almost a year. You had gone from strangers to…

To what, exactly? Friends with benefits, yes, but did you really know anything more about him than you did then? Hell, you didn’t even know his age until today. He still didn’t know yours.

You rolled your shoulders back, pushing the thoughts to the back of your mind with a shake of your head. Right now, you had a mission.

One that was made harder than it should have been by the heat you could feel simmering in Joel’s gaze as it dragged up and down your body from beside you.

God dammit, how did you get him inside your house without him instantly tearing your pants off?

“Well,” you sighed, pushing the gate open to stroll through. “You gonna stand here like a jackass, making me ask you to come in for a drink from my porch?”

You shot a smirk back over your shoulder at him, one that was matched by his as he shrugged before walking through the gate behind you.

“Depends,” he drawled, even as he followed you up the pathway to your porch steps. “Do you have my preferred poison?”

The repetition of the words you had spoken the first time you invited him inside your house last winter made you bite your lip to hold back a smile.

“Oh, I have all of them,” you replied as you reached for you front door, biting your lip with a wince as you realized you were doing an absolutely fucking terrible job of getting Joel to keep it in his pants the moment you opened that door.

A groan escaped you as you spun around.

To hell with it, you thought as your mouth opened to let Joel in on what lay just beyond you in your house, when every thought flew from your mind as the man stepped close enough that you were chest to chest.

His hand reached out past you to grab your door handle, pushing the door open as the other one reached for your hip.

You reeled backwards faster than you thought yourself capable in your tipsy state, back hitting the door as Joel continued to advance. He didn’t seem to catch on to your sudden evasiveness, and you nearly tripped over your own feet as you continued to back up down your dark hallway, desperately feeling along the side of the wall for the lights.

“Uh, well, you know,” you said loudly, eyes wide as you dodged Joel’s hand reaching for your hip again before finally finding the lights, “I really think that—”

“Surprise!”

The shouts drowned out your panicking, and Joel’s loud curse of surprise overtook your quiet sigh of relief.

He stumbled away from you, completely taken aback and staring wide-eyed at the sight over your shoulder. You turned, following his gaze to glance over the sight of your atrociously decorated, packed living room.

It wasn’t a crowd, per se, but it also wasn’t a large living room. But each face was smiling—one was smirking, you realized with a passing thought of damn you, Dina—and watching as Joel tried to recompose himself.

His gaze flicked from face to face; to the old, discolored birthday decorations that were torn up in places, strewn across the room; and then back to you. You saw his chest rise and fall in a heavy, silent sigh, any sound it would have made covered up by the loud sound of a birthday noise maker that was quickly followed by Ellie hacking and muttering “oh, that’s disgusting.” 

You gave Joel a tentative smile that was part oops and part please forgive me, and he only shook his head before moving past you, presumably looking towards Tommy as he asked, “The fuck is all this?”

“What do you mean?” you heard Tommy answer brightly, and you turned to see him grinning widely at Joel with an absolutely ridiculous, shiny blue birthday hat on his head that was definitely way too small to be comfortable. “Don’t tell me you’re so old you forgot your own birthday.”

“Tommy—”

“Nuh-uh,” Tommy interrupted with a shake of his head, wagging his finger as he wrapped his other arm around his brother’s shoulder. “Look, I know, but you deserve some happiness today, okay?”

You shifted, brows furrowing as you looked over the faces of the two brothers as they communicated something silently, arguing over an unsaid meaning to those words.

After a short moment, Joel sighed, and Tommy squeezed his shoulder when his older brother gave a slight nod.

Even though it was the closest thing to an okay that Joel gave, Tommy apparently took it as a success. The younger brother seemed positively delighted to be hosting this small party in your house, and it didn’t take long for his infectious cheer to spread to the rest of the partygoers.

Combine him with Dina, and it wasn’t much longer until the drinks were flowing and laughter was filling the rooms that you had gotten used to being so empty over the past years.

The three teens in attendance—Jesse being dragged along by Dina, since they were back to the “on again” part of their relationship—were even allowed one or two drinks. Or three, you realized as you saw Ellie swipe one of the smaller bottles of alcohol from the corner of your eye.

Her gaze caught on yours as she tiptoed back towards her friends, and she froze for a moment with her hands hidden behind her back. She hesitated as you pretended to glare at her, before your face immediately lightened up with a roll of your eyes and a look that said to be at least somewhat responsible.

Ellie grinned at you in response, turning quickly to hurry towards the kitchen where she had taken up residence with the other two teens for the past hour or so.

You turned back around, watching as Eugene laughed with a couple other patrolmen in one corner of the room, even as Mike stood there staring at whatever joke the old man had undoubtedly made with thinly veiled disapproval.

Shaking your head, you took another sip of your drink, unable to believe that Tommy had invited the man he had tried to set you up with into your home. Your gaze darted back to where your friend stood with his brother on the other side of the room, knowing that he was probably keeping careful tabs on Mike’s every move to see if he showed any signs of being your mysterious fuck-buddy.

A groan threatened to escape you, but you held it back, looking over to where Maria and Bonnie sat on your couch with Hope held securely in her mother’s arms. Bonnie was cooing over her, and you couldn’t help but smile, considering joining them for a moment before you glanced away from them too.

Silently moving towards the fireplace, you leaned against it, appreciating a moment to yourself in the midst of the busy night. For all intents and purposes, it didn’t seem like Joel was having a terrible time, so you guessed Tommy could consider his foolhardy plan a success.

When you felt a presence settle by your side, you expected Tommy when you looked up. Instead, you were surprised to see Joel looking down at you as he leaned against the mantle next to you.

“Should’ve worn your skirt,” he muttered under his breath, his mouth covered by his glass as he lifted it for a drink.

You held back a laugh, covering your smirk of amusement with your own glass as you saw him glance towards Mike from the corner of his eye.

“Shut up,” you muttered back, shaking your head at his quiet chuckle, taking a sip from your drink to continue to hide your mirth at the teasing.

As more of the evening passed, and Eugene followed the last of the patrolmen out with a fond pat on your shoulder accompanied by a wink, you settled back against the fireplace mantle again, watching with amusement as Dina and Maria chatted on the couch. The teen was now gushing over Hope, her eyes shining bright as she praised how gorgeous the baby was, each word eliciting laughter and fond smiles from Maria.

Dina was definitely tipsy, to put it lightly—as were the other two teens, but you elected not to comment on it. You were pretty sure everybody left in the room was at least slightly buzzed at this point—well, minus the baby, but that went without saying—and the atmosphere became considerably more relaxed now that it was your small group of close-knit family and friends.

You paused, glancing over the room from where you were still leaning against the fireplace mantle, something cold and hardened in your heart melting at the sight of your living room bustling with more life than you had ever seen. 

Jesse had just said something that had elicited roaring laughter from Tommy and infectious snickering from Ellie. Even Joel’s chest was moving with a deep chuckle. Maria and Dina shared a look, the former rolling her eyes before both of them became distracted by bright, bubbling laughter from Hope that matched her father’s in how cheerful it was.

That same word you passed through your mind again as you watched them all.

Family.

For a long time, you didn’t think you had any left.

Even when you had known what Tommy and Dina meant to you, a part of you still resisted. You were so bitter, so broken that you couldn’t let yourself be happy with the family you had found. The family you had chosen.

You were just so terrified of losing it again. You were still terrified, even now, standing in the safety of your home and surrounded by their presence. 

After losing so much, you couldn’t bear to lose this, too.

But another part of you began to reach out, a voice speaking out to echo through the dark crevices of your mind. It struck a single match and emitted a small source of light, a small flame of hope that, even with all your cynicism, you didn’t have the heart to blow out.

Because even if you couldn’t bear the thought of losing it, you also couldn’t bear the thought of not holding on to it now. 

What was the fucking point of all this love, all this life, if the only thing you could think about was dying for it?

Maybe resigning yourself to that fate of dying for them, dying before them, wasn’t enough anymore.

Maybe instead of being committed to leaving them for that final act of love, you should dedicate yourself to coming home to them instead.

The familiar picture frame caught your attention from the corner of your eye. You turned your head slightly, gazing at the picture that your Little Star had drawn of the two of you surrounded by Washington's tall, evergreen trees.

It was one of two signs in your house that somebody actually lived here, along with the photograph on your bedside table. The only signs that you had actually had a life before you arrived in Jackson.

How old had she been when she drew this? Six? Seven?

You remembered her hair tied in a braid, falling down her back as she laid on her stomach and scribbled the crayon stubs across the paper, feet kicking happily in the air behind her. When she had finished, she presented it to you with a flourish and a bright grin that reached her eyes. It was a light that shined throughout her life, up through the last time that you saw her.

She was so warm, and you were so cold, only getting colder when she was taken from you. A part of you couldn’t help but feel ashamed, wondering what she would think if she could see you now. You had always taken on all the hardness of the world so she didn’t have to, to protect her warmth, her spirit. Now she was gone, and you kept taking on all that cruelty to punish yourself for not being enough to keep her alive.

Every memory of her was wrapped in barbed wire, and you realized now that you didn’t want it to be that way. You wanted to tear the pain off of those memories, even if it made your hands bleed at first. You wanted to remember her with the brightness she deserved, the brightness she had always been. She didn’t deserve to be remembered with winces and tears, but with smiles and laughter, like those that surrounded you in this room now.

It wouldn’t happen overnight. Maybe it would take months, or even years, to give her memory the justice it warranted.

But for what was perhaps the first time, you recognized what her memory deserved. 

And you wanted to try.

“Hey.”

Your gaze snapped over at the soft word, seeing Maria standing in front of you with a babbling Hope in her arms. A smile quickly snapped onto your face, trying to cover up your inner musings, but the drop of a tear down your face told you it was already too late.

Reaching a hand up, you wiped at your cheeks, sniffing quietly before crossing your arms and looking down.

“I’m fine,” you murmured with a shake of your head. “Sorry.”

Maria’s hand found your shoulder, gently stroking it with her thumb, and you leaned into the comfort. When you looked back up, you realized she had stood in a way that blocked you from the rest of the room, and you couldn’t help but be grateful for her thoughtfulness.

She didn’t say anything about it, only giving you a small, reassuring smile before Hope babbled again. You both looked down at the baby, Maria’s smile growing as a quiet, choked laugh full of fondness escaped your lips.

When Maria looked back up at you, silently offering the baby to you, you only hesitated for a brief moment before giving a slow nod.

As Hope was passed into your arms, a quiet exhale was pulled from your lungs with a whoosh, as if some invisible string was tugging at your soul towards your goddaughter. You looked down into her dark eyes with a growing smile as you held her for the first time. She looked back up at you, those small baby teeth showing in her own bright smile that warmed your broken heart.

When you began to bounce her a little, and her babbles turned into laughter, you realized that maybe it wasn’t so broken after all.

Maria squeezed your shoulder gently, giving you one last smile before moving back to her spot on the couch next to Dina. You glanced over at the teen to see her and Ellie with their heads bent together, giggling over something, and you couldn’t help but smile fondly before looking over at the other group.

It seemed Tommy was in the midst of some kind of story, his hands moving and gesturing with his words, Jesse leaning forward and nodding along intently. You didn’t know how it had happened—maybe it had something to do with your rescue from the hunters—but somehow the teenager had really come to look up to the Miller brothers in recent months. He hung onto Tommy’s every word, even as Joel’s attention was less fixed on his brother.

Those familiar dark brown eyes were moving between both of them before they slid over to you, and you tensed as your gaze met his.

For a moment, you almost felt embarrassed at being caught staring, until his brows furrowed, and his eyes shifted into a look that you hadn’t seen before.

But even as it was unfamiliar, you could somehow tell exactly what it meant, and it eased the burden of your emotions just slightly as you heard the question he was silently asking.

Are you alright?

You tipped your head just slightly in a subtle nod, one that Joel returned before looking back towards Tommy at the same moment the man reached the crescendo in his story. Jesse broke out into loud laughter, and Joel followed the cue well, giving his own quiet chuckle even as you knew he hadn’t been listening.

The thought made you shake your head, lips turning up in a half-smile, even as you felt eyes on you from where the girls were. You didn’t know who was looking at you, and you didn’t care to entertain any suspicions you’d rather not deal with in the moment, instead looking down at Hope again when she waved her small hand through the air.

You let it wrap around your finger, and this time you didn’t pull back.

Even as the night went on, none of you made a move to leave the rare, comfortable peace you had all carved out together in this moment.

A batch of cookies made by Jesse and Dina was passed around the room in a Tupperware container. If you were lucky, you would get one of the cookies that was not horribly burnt—Jesse’s handiwork, no doubt.

Much to Joel's exasperation, the container had been placed in his lap first as you all sang an off-tune, off-beat Happy Birthday to him. His withering glare was hard not to laugh at, but you couldn't contain the grin on your face when Ellie and Dina dissolved into giggles at the sight of his annoyance.

Then came the gifts. The first one was also from the young couple, a new flannel that Jesse had found on patrol. It was sweet and a little bit funny as Dina explained that her boyfriend had shown her at least four options over the past couple of days, and how that one was the least ugly of them all.

Joel’s face twisted into the briefest of grimaces as Dina unintentionally—or maybe with complete intention, knowing Dina—dissed Joel’s taste in fashion, and you and Ellie had to cover your mouths as you both were about to break into cackles at the insinuation, combined with the look on Joel’s face.

The gift from Tommy and Maria—and Hope, whose name had been added to the old, weathered birthday card Tommy had also found on patrol—was a new vinyl record that looked like it was before even Joel’s time.

Still, Joel looked as close to being excited as you think he could manage as he glanced over the title and track list on the cover.

“Is this—”

“Yeah, the one Ma used to play,” Tommy finished Joel’s line of thought with a laugh, and Joel’s lips tilted up into a smile so shockingly bright that it made you smile yourself. “In the kitchen when—”

“She would make dinner, yeah,” Joel finished his brother’s sentence this time, another chuckle escaping his throat, shaking his head as he continued to glance over it. “Damn, where’d you find this?”

“Got lucky,” Tommy said with a grin, turning his head to shoot you a wink, much to your surprise. “Second time that’s happened, now.”

You shook your head, rolling your eyes even as you couldn’t dampen your smile as you knew he was alluding to your own “birthday” gift of music from your youth.

Then it was your turn.

You unceremoniously tossed the small box to Joel, who caught it easily as he shot you a look which was a cross between bemusement and genuine surprise that you had gotten him something.

The only response you gave him was a shrug, and he looked down at the box as he tugged the top off, glancing down at the contents inside.

His surprise only grew, shooting you another look that you merely shrugged at again before he picked up one of the guitar picks inside.

Joel turned the small, finely carved wood over in his fingers, his eyes widening a fraction for just a moment before he put it back down inside.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, and you nodded before gesturing towards the other pick inside.

“It’s not just for you,” you pointed out, watching as Joel’s brows furrowed in confusion before he picked up the other one.

He turned it over again, his brow smoothing out, lips twitching into a small smile before he held it out for Ellie.

“Who, me?” she said in surprise, though it quickly turned into glee as she grabbed the guitar pick from Joel. “Fuck yeah, Joel’s birthday is the best.”

Laughter filled the room from more than one person, and Joel nudged Ellie gently with his arm. She glanced towards him before sighing and turning back to you.

“Thanks,” she said, the word coming out easier than it had for Joel, her smile bright and contagious as you nodded in reply.

“No problem,” you waved it off like it wasn’t a big deal. “Eugene’s good at that kind of stuff, and I figured since he was returning a favor, I might as well let him work for it.”

The favor thing was a big fucking lie. Eugene had not owed you a favor—in fact, you now owed him one or two for crafting the guitar picks with engraved initials for Joel and Ellie.

But nobody needed to know that.

When it was Ellie’s turn, she bounced up from her seat, hurrying into the kitchen and returning with a small journal she must have brought with her. She flipped through it, cursing loudly when a page came flying out, grabbing for it until she caught it in the air.

With a sigh, she smoothed out the paper before jutting it out towards Joel’s face, holding it much too close to his eyes for him to see with a blunt, “Here.”

Joel gingerly took the paper, pulling it away from his face so he could actually look over it.

When he did, the man softened more than you had ever seen. A warm smile flickered onto his face, one that didn’t fade as he looked back up at the girl who swayed awkwardly, waiting for his reaction.

“Thank you, kiddo,” he said gently, reaching out to bump his fist against Ellie’s arm, which she rubbed at awkwardly before she shrugged the shoulder.

“Eh, whatever,” she muttered, though her smile matched Joel’s as he looked back down at the paper.

You were able to catch just a glimpse, seeing what looked to be a drawing of him with Ellie's signature in the corner, and you couldn't help but smile yourself.

Joel was careful not to crease the drawing, forgoing folding it to instead hold it flat against his chest while the party finally began to wind down.

Jesse and Dina were out the door first, the boy straightening as you sent him off with a glare and a scolding to keep her safe and to not do anything stupid. Dina punched you in the shoulder, immediately drawing a warm smile from you that was directed towards her alone.

You ruffled her hair, giving her a playful shove to send her off along with a call of, “That goes for you too, troublemaker!”

She flipped you off over her shoulder as they walked off, and you rolled your eyes with a quiet chuckle. Leaning against your doorway, you glanced back to watch Tommy adjust a sleeping Hope in his arms, following Maria as she walked up to give you a short but warm hug.

“I’ll be by in the morning to help you clean up,” she said when she pulled back, and you returned her gentle smile with one of thanks.

“It should be him," you drawled, shooting Tommy a look that he shifted away from.

“Hey, divide and conquer, right?” he said, smiling back over his shoulder at you as he walked out onto the porch with his wife. “I put it up, she takes it down—sharing the power and all that good communist crap.”

“Communist crap?” you repeated with an arch of your eyebrow, and you heard Ellie cackling from somewhere behind you before Maria tugged her husband down along the pathway to your picket fence gate.

You turned back, directing your questioning gaze towards Joel and Ellie now as she gathered his gifts up, as Joel was still holding the paper she had given him close to his chest.

“Is anybody ever going to explain the whole communist thing to me?” you asked with a sigh, drawing nearly matching smirks from Joel and Ellie that you couldn’t help but smile at.

Neither of them chose to respond, and you rolled your eyes as they moved to walk past you.

“Thanks for letting us hang!” Ellie called behind her before crossing the porch, bounding down the steps as Joel paused for a moment beside you.

Your gaze darted towards him, seeing he was glancing towards you from the corner of his eye, even as he wasn’t saying anything.

After a moment of opening your mouth and closing it, you eventually stuttered out, “So, uh—”

“Tonight?”

It was only one word, but it caused something akin to excitement to course through you, and you bit back a smile as you nodded in confirmation to the meaning behind the simple question.

Joel nodded back, his gaze snapping back in front of him as he hurried to catch up with Ellie as she walked down the path. She looked up at him, her small smile drawing a wider one from Joel while they leisurely walked out of the gate together.

“You know, you can take your shit and I can put that back in my journal—”

“No way, this is my gift,” Joel scoffed, pressing the paper closer to his chest, and you smiled warmly as you watched them walk away into the cold autumn night.

“These are your gifts too!” Ellie spoke with exasperation, and you swear you could hear the chuckle in whatever Joel’s response was, even as they got too far away to hear clearly anymore.

You let the door close behind them, ignoring the mess that was your living room and kitchen as you moved into your bedroom, trying to find a way to waste time for a few hours until you met Joel again.

As you waited, your fingers tapped against the tube of lipstick Dina had abandoned in your bathroom before you tossed it into the back of a drawer and slammed it shut, trying to ignore that the temptation had even been there to begin with.

When you knocked on Joel’s front door a few hours later, he didn’t answer.

You sighed, running a hand through your hair that you definitely had not brushed through more than once as you had waited for the hours to pass until it was truly the dead of night.

“Fucking asshole invites me over and doesn’t even answer,” you muttered to yourself with a huff, even though your words were tainted with more nervousness than annoyance before you knocked again.

Still no answer.

You bit your lip, the situation too similar to when you had found him injured to give you comfort. Even though you knew there was no reasonable way for him to get hurt after the party, it still felt too familiar, and the way it set your nerves on edge led you to open the door.

Letting it close behind you, you took a moment to kick off your boots before moving further into the house. It was a habit Joel had gotten into months ago at your house, and one you had recently picked up on in his house as well.

He wasn’t in the living room, the dining room, or the kitchen, so you moved towards the staircase with a gnawing feeling of fear growing in the pit of your stomach.

There’s no way, you told yourself as you hurried up the steps.

Thankfully, there was no familiar jacket or blood on the floor, and that caused your nerves to lessen slightly.

There was a sound that was drifting from down the corridor, one that made you step forward slowly in confusion, hesitant until you realized what it was.

Music.

You couldn’t place the era of music exactly from the hallway, but you had a pretty good guess as to what it was as you walked closer to Joel’s bedroom door, where the music was drifting through. Your gentle knock nudged the halfway-opened door to creak open further, and you resisted the urge to peek your head through as you called out to him.

“Joel?”

There was a shifting sound from inside, followed by quiet for a moment until his gruff voice replied, “Yeah, in here.”

You huffed out a silent sigh, forcing yourself to overcome your hesitation and enter at what you guessed was an invitation to come in from the stoic man.

Leaning against the archway that led to the main part of his bedroom, you let your gaze wander over the room just briefly, noting the spinning record in the little vinyl corner before it landed on Joel.

He was laying back on his bed, a knee propped up as he rested a glass of whiskey in his hand on top of it, the back of his other arm thrown across his face.

Your brows furrowed, a different kind of worry sweeping through you at the sight. You glanced from him to the nearly empty decanter on his bedside table, chewing your bottom lip as you thought over what you could possibly say in a moment that felt almost…vulnerable. Like he was letting you see a side of him that didn’t show often.

When you finally opened your mouth to try and find some words to speak, Joel asked quietly, “You know what today is?”

You leaned back slightly, your lips turning down into a frown at the ambiguity of the words.

“Your birthday?” you said slowly, earning a quiet huff of laughter from Joel, but it didn’t sound particularly humored.

“The date,” he clarified, and when you realized you didn’t know, you began to count it through in your mind.

It had been September 23rd when Tommy had told you about his idea, and that was three days ago. So—

“September 26th?” you replied, hesitant as you double-checked your math in your mind. When you were sure that you had gotten it right, you turned your confusion back to Joel, watching as he brought the whiskey back to his lips for a sip without moving the other arm from his eyes. “What does—”

Suddenly, it hit you.

Today was September 26th.

Which meant tomorrow was the 27th.

Outbreak Day.

An image flashed through your mind, the names and dates on Tommy’s memorial shrine coming back to you clearly, and you sucked in a breath as you realized what Joel meant.

Suddenly, the look on Joel’s face when he had walked into the surprise party, the “I know” from Tommy, finally made sense.

Jesus fucking Christ, he had lost his everything the day after his birthday.

Your heart ached, stomach sinking as you leaned against the archway. Looking down at your feet, you struggled for something to say, because what could you say to that? What would you want someone to say to you?

At that thought, you looked back up at Joel, thinking back to what he had said to you when you had been the one mourning, the one wallowing, not that long ago.

No, not what he had said to you.

What he had done for you.

You walked around the bed so you were on the side with the decanter, giving Joel a gentle nudge for him to move over.

Finally, his arm pulled away from his face, looking up at you with confusion. When you saw how those brown eyes, a comforting sight at times, were rimmed with red, your chest tightened.

“Move over,” you mumbled, nudging him again, and he sighed quietly before he shifted to the other side to give you room to lie down.

When you did, you gently eased the drink from his grip, finishing it off yourself before placing it back on the bedside table next to the decanter.

You didn’t say anything, but you didn’t have to. Instead of trying to make the pain go away with meaningless words, you chose to sit with him in it.

Laying side by side, you and Joel stared at the ceiling in silence that was filled only by the vinyl record that continued to spin, the vinyl from Tommy that sounded like it might be from the 60s or 70s drifting through the air. While neither of you uttered a word, you hoped he understood what you were trying to silently communicate to him, because you didn’t think you could explain it yourself even if you tried.

You were trying to tell him that it was okay to let himself feel it. It was okay, and he wasn’t alone in it. He didn’t have to be, not if he didn’t want to.

After a few more minutes of letting it wash over him and listening to the music continue to play, you felt Joel’s pinky finger graze against yours from where they rested next to each other on the bed.

Your heart lurched in your chest, but not from discomfort. In the back of your mind, you heard Eugene’s words echoing clearly.

Maybe it’s your turn to hold onto him.

And for once, you didn’t hesitate.

This time, you were the one who took that leap—the one to reach out when Joel was pulling away. Your hand shifted, grazing over the back of his before snaking underneath it. Your palm laid against his as you held his hand, and you squeezed it gently once.

After another moment when the needle began to hit the end of the record and skip back over and over, creating an endless scratching sound on repeat, Joel squeezed your hand back.

You didn’t have the heart to be annoyed by the record, or the strength to get up and put the needle back, as Joel’s fingers intertwined with yours.

Letting your gaze roam across the room, you couldn’t help but laugh at the simple wood carving on the wall, one that you narrowed your eyes at to make sure you were seeing it right.

“What is that saying?” you mumbled, drawing Joel’s attention from the ceiling down to you, even as you didn’t meet his gaze in favor of looking at the wall décor in the shape of Texas. “‘Can't take Texas out of the man’, or something like that?”

Joel laughed quietly beside you, even before you felt his gaze shift from you over to the carving you were talking about.

“Surprised you’ve heard of that,” he murmured, to which you rolled your eyes.

“Come on, I was alive for a hot minute before the world ended, you know.”

“Right,” Joel said almost casually. “Because you’re…thirty?”

You bit your lip to hold back a smile, still not saying anything even as he continued, “Thirty-one?”

When you still didn’t reply, he huffed out a sigh, shaking his head before muttering to himself, “I’ll get it one of these days.”

Your gaze shifted back to the ceiling, as did his. The record continued to scratch, but neither of you pulled away from where your hands were joined between you on the bed.

“How about this,” you started quietly, shifting slightly to get more comfortable on the bed. Your head tilted a bit more towards his, but you still evaded his gaze as you asked, “What’s your favorite color?”

You didn’t need to look at Joel to know his dark eyebrows were furrowed in confusion, because you could hear the puzzlement in his voice as he mumbled an eloquent, “Huh?”

“Come on, I’m not asking you if you believe in god or whatever cosmic powers there may be,” you said dryly with a roll of your eyes, finally rolling over to meet his gaze straight-on. “Favorite color. Go.”

Joel’s brow was just as furrowed as you had expected when you looked at him, the brown depths of his eyes swirling with uncertainty at what you were getting at.

“And don’t say something stupid like black or white,” you added, trying to draw some comfort out of him with your trademark sarcastic wit. “A real color.”

He huffed, shaking his head at you before looking back up at the ceiling. For a moment, you thought he was going to ignore you, and you were ready to pull away, your palm starting to slip out of his when his hand tightened around yours and he answered, “Blue.”

Your lips twitched, a smile tugging on them at the admission. His gaze flashed down to you, then to your smile, before he quickly looked back up at the ceiling again.

There was a quiet moment as you gazed at the side of his face and he avoided your eyes.

“What about you?” he asked finally, turning his head fully now to return your gaze. When you opened your mouth, he quickly added, “Wait, no. Your house.”

The words made you pause, your heart thumping in your chest with an emotion you couldn’t name as he said it probably in the same moment that he remembered your words from the day you had met.

Interesting color.

He had made the comment about your house color then without animosity, but there had been some definite confusion, maybe a bit of judgment in the remark.

But Joel was looking at you now without a hint of that skepticism or analysis.

Just watching, waiting for your confirmation.

“You said it was your favorite color,” he added, the words so quiet they sounded almost hesitant, and your brows furrowed as you glanced over his face, that feeling in your chest deepening.

“It’s not,” you said quietly, the admission slipping from your lips before you could think twice on it.

Joel’s face was puzzled again now, and your gaze darted away from him.

“It's…it was hers,” you murmured, staring down at where your fingers were still intertwined with his. “She, uh—she always wanted it. The cozy house, the picket fence. All of that.”

You shrugged, pressing the side of your face further against the blue sheets on the bed. Blue, you thought somewhere in the back of your mind, tempted to smile even as you felt the familiar wave of pain wash over you at what you were admitting for—shit, maybe for the first time to anybody. You didn’t think even Tommy knew this, even as he didn’t question why you had turned down the offer of a larger house in Jackson years ago for the small one you still lived in.

“That was her dream,” you whispered, eyes drifting shut as you focused on the scent that was embedded in those blue sheets. Clean soap and something earthy, something heady that made your muscles relax. Familiar. Comforting. “I told her that we’d do it someday. When Tommy and I got here, I figured—well, I figured I’d try, I guess.”

A shaky sigh left your lips as they began to quiver, and your eyes squeezed shut tighter as Joel’s thumb stroked across the back of your hand. Not because it was uncomfortable, but the opposite—it was so goddamn fucking soothing that it threatened to break you with its gentleness.

Who would have thought the thing to make you finally crack was something so tender?

“Sarah wanted pancakes.”

Your eyes blinked open, gazing up at Joel at the quiet words to see he was staring back up at the ceiling.

There was a moment when he said nothing, and you almost wondered if you had misheard before he added, “For my birthday. She wanted to make me pancakes, but I forgot the mix. So I promised her I’d get a cake, but I forgot that too.”

Joel rubbed a hand down over his face, leaving it there for a moment as he inhaled deeply. The breath was slightly shaky, and this time you stroked your thumb across the back of his hand.

“It seemed so trivial at the time,” he murmured, finally letting his hand drop. His face seemed as stoic as always, but you could see the way his eyes wavered, and you held his hand tighter at the sight of it. “And maybe it was but, shit, I—I just—”

He floundered for the words, hand gesturing blankly in the air, and you finished quietly, “You miss those trivial things the most.”

Joel looked back at you, the brief surprise softening into something else, a look that spoke a sentiment along the lines of oh, of course you understand.

Of course.

You had matching wounds, after all.

“The songs they sang, their favorite jokes,” you continued just as quietly. “What food they hated. Seeing something and thinking ‘oh, they’d love that.’”

“I still do that,” Joel murmured, and you smiled softly up at him.

“Yeah, me too,” you admitted, and a small, gentle smile of his own broke across his face.

Another moment of silence as you stayed there like that. Hands still joined, you didn’t even notice the record scratching anymore.

“You know, my sister loved the stars,” you said softly, your smile growing as your eyes glazed over with the memories. “Like, she was borderline obsessed with them. We used to try and find the constellations back in the Seattle QZ. It was hard with all the lights and shit, but when we joined the Fireflies—oh, man.”

You laughed to yourself, and you were so distracted by the warmth of the memory and the way Joel’s smile grew as he listened that you didn’t even realize you had said the words my sister for the first time in years.

“When we first began to travel with them, and we were in all those open outdoors, she would not go to sleep. She’d stay up most the night, trying to find as many of those constellations as she could, tracing them over and over again.”

A sigh slipped past your lips as you shook your head. “Don’t know why she was so in love with the stars when she knew they were dead.”

Joel didn’t say anything, but you didn’t mind that. You also appreciated how he didn’t press you about more information now that you had directly mentioned losing your sister, even as you began to struggle under the weight of what you had said out loud.

“My daughter, she uh—” Joel started, breaking off to clear his throat before continuing, “she played soccer. And she was a fucking natural at it too—I’m not even doing the proud dad thing, you can ask Tommy.”

You laughed at the remark as it pulled you from your silent spiraling, unable to ignore the warmth that bloomed through your chest as Joel mentioned asking Tommy about Sarah. Even though it was akin to a joke, the thought of being that trusted, that included by Joel made you smile.

The quiet sound of your laughter earned a small smile from Joel, even as you replied, “I wasn’t gonna say you were.”

Joel chuckled under his breath at your comment. He turned back up to stare at the ceiling, his gaze far-away as he added, “When she was younger—like, eight or nine—she was on this soccer team of all boys. She was the only girl on the team.”

His gaze shot back towards you, and you saw a glimpse of that proud dad by the way his eyes lit up, his voice brightening while he continued, “Every single boy on that team cried at least once. But not my baby. She was tougher than any of them. Scored the most goals, too. God, she had so many awards cluttering her room.”

Your smile grew, your gentle laughter joining the chuckle that rumbled from his chest at the fond memory.

Joel’s thumb rubbed across the back of your hand again, slowly caressing your skin in gentle circles when you both fell silent, content to let the happy memories ease the pain, at least for tonight.

When a particularly loud scratch of the needle echoed in the room, you jumped, and Joel finally pulled his hand away from yours with a sigh.

You watched him stand and move towards the record player to pull the needle off, your hand that was still warm from his touch flattening against the bed for a moment, spreading across the sheets that were full of his familiar scent before you pushed yourself up.

“I should probably go,” you said quietly, swinging your feet off the bed to place on the floor.

Joel’s eyes moved back towards you, glancing over you as you sat on the edge.

“Yeah,” he murmured with a nod, picking up the vinyl to carefully place back into its sleeve.

You watched Joel for another moment as he set the record back to its proper place amongst the rest of its collection. Your fingers tapped against your knees, hesitating for a few brief seconds before you pushed yourself to your feet.

When you moved past him, you almost thought he was just going to let you go, but then his voice rang out behind you, “Uh—”

You wished you hadn’t stopped so quickly just at that simple sound he made. You wished your heart hadn’t skipped a beat, or that you didn’t instantly turn back to face him, letting his gaze search yours to find god knows whatever was hidden in your eyes in that moment.

Joel cleared his throat, his gaze not breaking from yours even as you both stayed silent. You saw his eyes waver and knew he wanted to look away, but he didn’t break your locked gazes.

Eventually, he finished, “You want a drink?”

Your lips tilted up in a half-smirk, shaking your head in bemusement before replying gently, “I think you’ve had enough to drink tonight, cowboy.”

Joel sighed, his gaze finally slipping from yours, and you felt like you could finally breathe again while he murmured, “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

Your eyes lit up at the words you’re right leaving Joel’s lips, tucking that little victory away for later. 

His hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans while he leaned back slightly, looking up to meet your eyes again as he said quietly, “Well, see you around, then.”

You nodded, your hands fidgeting in front of you. “Yeah, see you.”

Neither of you looked away.

Finally, after a moment that was much too prolonged for your comfort, you forced yourself to turn. The moment your gazes were no longer locked, whatever tension that had been slowly building between you since he put the record away shattered.

You heard Joel clear his throat again behind you before his footsteps backed away from you, and you resisted the urge to look back, even as you loitered in the archway of his room, your hand grazing against the frame.

When you heard the bed creak as Joel sat back down on it, you let your hand fall from the archway, moving towards his bedroom door before his voice softly calling out after you made you pause.

“Thanks.”

It was such a simple word. 

It didn’t have to mean anything. 

It wasn’t even the first time you had heard it from him.

But it still caused a wave of emotions to crash through you, and you stiffened under them. Clearing your throat, you considered the nearly overwhelming temptation to just run out of there without saying anything.

It was hard to resist your natural reflex to outrun anything that made you feel too deeply. But after what you had said tonight; the way he had opened up to you, how he had smiled so genuinely at you when you spoke of your sister for the first time in years…

Your mouth opened, planning to brush it off, to mutter another simple it’s not a big deal so you could bring that counter up to four.

But that would have been a lie.

And somehow, you couldn’t seem to bring yourself to lie in that moment, even if you had been able to find a convincing enough one.

So instead, you found two words slipping out of your mouth before you could even consider them.

“Of course.”

Again, it was such a simple sentiment.

It didn’t have to mean anything.

It was basically the same as no problem, or even the it’s not a big deal you liked to throw around.

But there was a weight there. Something unspoken in those two words, even though you couldn’t hear it through the blood rushing in your head.

At that point, the instinct to run was too strong to ignore. But you resisted it for just one more moment, if only to murmur a quiet, "Happy birthday, Joel."

After that, your feet carried you quickly out of the room. You walked down the hallway and down the stairs in what was almost a haste, eager to outrun whatever he was making you feel.

Only once you were outside of the house did you relax, leaning heavily back against the front door as it shut behind you. Eyes sliding shut, you winced at your awkwardness at the end there, placing a hand on your chest as your heart had yet to calm down.

“Fucking hell,” you muttered under your breath, forcing yourself to take each step away from the house, your thoughts continuing to race even when your heart finally did settle.

Unlike the first time you had been in his bedroom, you had allowed yourself to look around the room that time; seeing how he decorated the most intimate place in his life, taking in the things he chose to wake up to every morning. You had seen the windows opposite the bed, overlooking the street you walked down now.

Resisting what had become a natural habit, you took the path under the streetlights back home this time, wondering if he was watching.

He was.