#being told at the age of 14 that there was something deeply wrong with me that needed to be fixed and then spending the next 5 years of my

[the-busy-ghost]

Am re-reading Hogg's Private Memoirs and Confessions of a Justified Sinner and I know it's not a new or original thought but it's just striking to me again how young George (younger) and his brother Robert must have been during the tennis match and Black Bull mob scenes.

If the 'famous session' refers to the 1703 session of parliament (or even if it refers to the previous year's sitting which Queensberry also oversaw), and if old Dalcastle married in 1687 (or later), then at most George could have been 16 and his brother 15, and it's probable that both boys are younger.

I don't remember too many of the details from the first time I read this book so will have to finish it before I make any further judgement. However I don't think it detracts from Robert's culpability or nastiness in any way to take into account his probable age in the earlier portion of the narrative. I think makes for a more interesting reading when forcibly reminded that he's a young teenager. Even taking into account different social mores and expectations placed on children in both the period in which the novel is set, and the early 19th century when it was written, it seems to me that that's an element that will still have particular significance for readers in the 21st century, regardless of one's personal experience with extreme forms of Presbyterianism.

[nyanryan]

i love u indie pop and reading will halls outside mental health and crying so much. being 22 👍

[rapha-reads]

IWTV rewatch

Season 1 episode 4 [The Ruthless Pursuit of Blood With All a Child's Demanding] - part 2/2

- [Claudia] "We do like mortals do. We fight, we eat, we laugh, we sleep, we love. And then the phone rang last night. And all the easy times stopped." - ooof. How to destroy familial domesticity: bring back the real world.

I love, love, loooove Louis' coldness and casual cruelty at his mother's wake. And looooove the family solidarity. Oh, Daddy Lou's fighting with his sister? Time to show our fangs and have his back.

- Oooh, a Lestat and Claudia scene! Dad teaching his kid all the true, important ways to make it in the world. And accidentally making her realise some things she'll never get to have, stuck as she is as a young teenager. But the blood kinda makes up for it tho.

- "Uncle Les says I gotta practice killin' both the one and the plus one at the same time, but I came away understanding something else tonight. I can't quite put it into words, but it's like something opened up in my head, in my body. I've been 18 for 7 months now, and it's time I started acting like it."

Aaaaand there it is. Happy hunting indeed. Happy until the reality hits back...

"I've lost my appetite, I can't sleep!" - welcome to hormones. Can't say I know first-hand what you're going through but good luck. Oh, no, but this is waaay too adorable. The giggling and the skipping and the flowers and the staying on the balcony waiting for Charlie to look up...

- "Everyone in my family looks younger than their age." - yeah that's one way to put it I guess.

Aaaand exit Charlie, pursued by a terrified horse. Taking this opportunity to say a lil something about how book!vampires are basically asexual in the way that their desire and pleasure express themselves through the blood, blood drinking and blood sharing. While the show being a visual media for a modern audience decided to make human sexuality also a part of vampire sexuality, all while keeping the blood as this irresistible force and the source of everything. Don't really have an opinion one way or another, except to say, please we need more asexual representation that still shows that ace people can find and express desire and pleasure outside of sexuality.

- Lestat taking on the ugly role of teaching Claudia about control and how it's hard for vampires to make lasting connections with mortals... Parenting's hard.

- [Louis] "Vivid writer, isn't she" - I'm kinda glad we don't get Claudia's own words about Charlie's death, knowing the writers they would have given us another lyrical prose that would have made us all bawl our eyes out.

The way Daniel is visibly impacted and heartbroken reading Claudia's diaries: he is deeply compassionate. And you can't read people and write about them without a certain level of compassion and even empathy. "Anne Frank meets Stephen King" indeed.

- [Louis] "Claudia was... everything." - ouch. Break my heart, won't you. It's the way Louis is physically struggling to talk about her, the way he needs the pebbles of his zen garden beneath his feet to anchor himself solidly enough to talk about her.

- "It's funnier when they fight in French. And diary, you'd think a girl whose mama died in childbirth, whose daddy gave her away to a mean old auntie who beat her 'cause no one said she couldn't, who died in a fire but came back by the blood magic of two demons, well, you'd think that girl wouldn't know what funny was. But you'd be wrong, diary. And if I told you, dumb diary, that that same girl was being raised to kill like her demon parents did, to take two souls a day so she could stay in the same flat-chested, hairless-crotched 14-year-old baby doll body as her mind and spirit turn 19, 20, 25, 63, 358, you dumb, dumb diary, I bet you'd say to anyone who'd listen 'Fun? Fun? How does she even get up in the morning?' Well, let me tell you something, you stuck-up, flower-covered, three-dollar fancy fucking paper diary, I'm doing just fine. And how do I know that? 'Cause the first man I killed called me the devil, and the last boy I killed, the last boy I'll ever love in this world, called me an angel. So that means I'm on the right path. And that means there's so much more fun out there to have. I'm just getting started."

THE INTENSITY, DAMN.

The crescendo of Claudia's voice overlayed by the music and echoed in the angrier and angrier words. Wow, I need a minute.

Between the "losing my mind in the coffin" scene, that "madwoman in the attic walking down from the attic" scene and the "the sun is a deadly laser" scene, someone needs to give Bailey several awards. And the writing team needs these awards too.

Show!Claudia actually has a backstory, not very detailed but still there, a miserable, painful human life, 14 years of misery and pain - she had a life, she had experiences before becoming a vampire; unlike book!Claudia who was 5 when she was turned, told Louis she couldn't remember her human life before being Louis and Lestat's, and doesn't have her own narration in between Louis' recollections.

Here, the addition of the diaries to the way the story is told not only allows a third party, a third perspective that's no more and no less of an unreliable narrator as Louis' voice, but it also, and I think more importantly, allows for Claudia to speak for herself. She isn't anymore just a footnote in the messy romance of Louis and Lestat. She is her own person, in her own narrative, with her own agency and life. And that's a huge difference between the two versions of Claudia: eternally-5-year-old Claudia couldn't have her own agency, no matter that she was really 40 in a child's body, because that child's body was more of a damnation, a cage, than a teenager's body. At 14 and with make-up, fashion, body language and speech, Claudia can make herself look marginally older, and thus can reclaim some of that agency, of that control. Therefore the issue comes not from the fact that Claudia needs at least one adult to have that agency by proxy, but from the fact that she might never pass for older than 18 and will be taken advantage of. As we'll soon see.

Also she was right, last boy she loved, but not last person, we stan a bisexual murder deranged queen.

And I did tell Lestat, that roof window is a structural failure.

Well, welcome to the Claudia show. That was one hell of an entrance. Crowd's seated for the next part, "Claudia goes Wild party in the Mississippi".

episode 1 | episode 2 | episode 3 | part 1 | episode 5 | episode 6 | episode 7

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

season 1 episode 13 thoughts

A SCULLY EPISODE!!!! i was overjoyed and then i felt deep and immeasurable grief as the minutes went by.

she wants to leave her christmas tree up all year <3 she's a good cook <3 her dad calls her starbuck <3

but her dad is being avoidant! he didn't even say i love you when he left!

! dana scully lore reveal ! her dad lowkey sucks!!!

and then he IMMEDIATELY DIED right after! that is sick and twisted. why do they make my girl endure such pain.

the next note i made for the episode was "omg windows you have to crank!" which was a brief moment of levity among the Sorrow. except even the guy doing the said window cranking was kidnapped right after. still, the novelty of it all!

when scully came into work even though her dad had just died... we see mulder call her "dana" for the first time... she was visibly taken aback by this... and mumbled her name back to herself... my heart was melting out of my body

and when i thought i was going to already collapse from the "dana" moment, he tells her she should take some time for herself and then. softly cups her cheek. and strokes it with his thumb. holy fuck i nearly sobbed. it was the softest thing i have ever seen. what the hell man.

he has this instinctive need to touch her. to use his touch to keep her safe or bring her comfort. it will be psychoanalyzed at a later date from me but for now, know i am noticing the motifs.

(also, when he finally left his office, we see that he kept the hat from the alien obsessed guy in episode 10... good to know this is a man who takes souvenirs. take him to the zoo and see what he comes back with)

so then we cutscene to her dad's funeral and we learn that her father was in the navy- perhaps this is why he is unduly harsh. and then we got ANOTHER scene that beat my heart into a pulp: scully turning to her mom and asking "was he proud of me?" her mom waits for a beat and says "he was your father". HEY! THAT'S NOT AN ANSWER!!!!!!!!!

(who wouldn't be proud of scully? i'm taking names. write them down)

when interrogating the death row psychic mulder once again said "i want to believe" and i once again wrote in my episode notes "HE SAID THE LINE!"

interesting that this is an episode where scully believes and mulder doesn't, almost immediately from the beginning of the episode. but the psychic says stuff her dad would say and therefore she gets emotionally invested even though mulder says it's nonsense, and that this guy is setting them a trap because mulder got him put on death row. and when she listens to the psychic's clue and find evidence at an abandoned warehouse, mulder yells at her for putting herself in danger. to which she said:

"i thought you'd be pleased i opened myself to extreme possibilities"

scully i am REACHING through the screen and telling you i'm proud of you in case no one ever did that before

(and MAYBE mulder yelling at her for putting herself in danger because he thinks he needs to protect her WAS deeply satisfying but still. read the room my king)

(also revealed in this scene: mulder is a jimi hendrix fan. i am tucking this knowledge in my pocket and storing it safely)

then the psychic decided to reveal some of her personal memories and we learn she stole a cigarette when she was 14 and she thought it was disgusting but she wanting to do something they would disapprove of. and she was so scared but so excited. are you kidding me? are you absolutely kidding me. the need to rebel from an assigned role in which she feels she MUST be perfect has haunted her from a young age, and when she finally did something her parents really disprove of- joined the FBI instead of working as a doctor- she's met with rejection. so now we know she's had this terrible need to do what pleases those she loves and to break that is a rush from its inherent moral Wrongness. the isolation of being the Good Child who does what She's Told vs. the isolation of being the Less Good Child who loses their parent's approval. that terrible ache of knowing you once pleased them and now you don't. the conditional nature of affection. ohhhhh good lord.

later mulder gets shot and scully thinks the psychic lured him into a trap which leads to her screaming at him (like SERIOUSLY screaming) that if mulder dies, she'll kill the psychic herself. now this was especially crazy because we have only at this point seen her yell once before which was in episode 8, but this was 10x that intensity. also wild for revealing that she will kill anyone who hurts mulder. once again i say holy FUCK.

mulder is wheeled in to the hospital and still telling her not to believe him, says that he's luring her into another trap. at this point i was yelling "TELL MULDER HE KNEW ABOUT YOUR DAD!" but she was too deep in the grief to bring it up

(throughout the entire episode she is hallucinating her dad in places he isn't, which is arguably far more impactful than just seeing her cry)

when the psychic reveals the location of the murderer and they go to check it out, scully straight up shoots the suspect. she is NOT playing around, y'all. i think this is the first time we see her shoot someone, which is already a lot to unpack. but then she doesn't follow the killer because the psychic had warned her against it and in this way he saves her life.

then she says thank you to the psychic, who says "come to my execution and i'll give your father's message to you" and she DOESN'T GO. mulder asks her why, because now he seems to think that psychic dude really WAS telling the truth, and she no longer does:

"why can't you believe?" "because i'm scared"

she's scared!! she's scared to believe. she's scared to know what is out there and she seemed scared to know what her father had to say. isn't there enough uncertainty in this world ruled by facts and science? what could the possibilities be like beyond that? why believe in what you cannot control? she says she knew what he would say because "he's my father". is that enough for her? or was she too frightened to hear that he wasn't proud of her?

overall i've said "holy fuck" like a LOT during this recap and i truly feel that those are the only words i have for the situation. getting to see more scully lore was EXACTLY what i was hoping for and i'm so pleased but also so so so sad. like she keeps her christmas tree up and she's a good cook and she has this terrible need for her father's approval that he won't give and then he goes and dies. i need about 10 beach episodes to make up for the sadness here. chris carter i'm in ur walls.

[aeolianblues]

don’t let anyone tell you your taste in music is childish. Don’t worry if the ‘main demographic’ is 14. Listen to that moody pop. You don’t need to have taken a 10 year break from emo in order to be able to listen to it again. It’s okay if everyone says, ‘oh man that band reminds me of being young and in uni again’ and that most people have fallen off the wagon since then: age, time, circumstances.

There isn’t a wrong kind of music for your 30s, and it’s okay if something different about an old song hits you more now. It’s okay if old intensities soften. The reason so much music seems to resonate with teens regardless of whether they have actually been in the situations artists sing about, is because you are still so young and new in what you’re experiencing. You aren’t jaded, you don’t know how to let it slide yet, and you don’t have bigger, more consequential life moments for smaller things to pale in comparison to. You feel deeply and about everything. But that doesn’t mean these songs weren’t often themselves written by 20- or 30-something year olds.

Isn’t It odd that we should feel ‘too old’ at 25, for certain music we liked when we were 14, though it was written by a 28 year old with whole ass life problems to be dealing with?

Listen to that music, forget about any concerns from people who think once you leave university at latest, you need to have your whole life drained out of you to appropriately be an adult.

Also, ‘adult contemporary’ is an industry lie, you cannot ever convince me that human beings in the prime of their lives, going through what I can definitely call an intense period for Events Happening and Emotions Being Evoked (2024) can only produce such milquetoast feelings. I’m sure that’s what corporate would like to think anyway.

But human beings do not exist in such a sedated state! They feel deeply! They think about things, and empathise and connect with other people! We are not islands! The circumstances may be different, they may be more complicated, but we’re still feeling things, of course we are! Keep on doing that, it’s what makes you human!

And I bet, the same goes for people who are told that comic books, Saturday morning cartoons (or anything animated at all…), children’s literature, colouring books, whatever else out there, is ‘childish’!

I don’t know what I’m saying man. I hope this was sort of coherent for a 4 am train of thought I felt compelled to put into words. I don’t know why I scribble this stuff out here, also. I’ve literally started a music magazine, if I were properly sat at a desk writing this and not in bed and about to sleep, I really should be putting this stuff in @soundslivemagazine instead…

[anderperrylover]

THOUGHTS? DEAD POET'S SOCIETY EDITION

Just thoughts I wanted to get out there

So Dead Poet's Society? Right? Now that I think of it was a film that came out when my dad was in his like late teens (technically he was around the same age as some of the cast). And somehow this film - made and released during their time has been one that resonated with the next generation? I am looking at the film and thinking, and I couldn't help but wonder.

I am not talking specifically about the aesthetic or anything but namely how this one film was definitely not made for my demographic. However - 35 or so years later I read a post here or come across a playlist or an edit or a series of head canons - I see how much this single film has impacted generations who came after.

I relate to this film on a very personal level (put the shipping factors aside). I remember watching scenes with Neil and I could almost recall having similar conversations in life and I had to take a step back and think as to why I wanted to block this film out for a while. I resonated with Todd as a writer but also as someone who had a very similar experience (shy - lack of confidence - but one who found their people). Other than that there were relationships within the story that made me look back at the ones I have and had and all that I am grateful for.

Also as a coming of age film I feel like it is one of the most realistic ones out there. The themes and the extremely bittersweet ending are raw and it hit me like a pile of bricks. The fact that they fell apart because of the things they loved - the heart of the group not being there made things drift apart - and those dreamers and poets who speak out are the ones to leave behind a deeply flawed system (and the cause and reason and leaving is depicted in extremely sad ways - they might give up on everything - or be kicked out for what they believed in - or carry extreme guilt for the rest of their lives) - There are those who fall in love and the ones that betray you and all of that can happen in just a few month. Things that took years to build like friendships and fellowships can crumble because of something external and all you believed in might not fix that.

(Also something weird just jog my memory if I am wrong but throughout the film these three use O Captain, My Captain - and its all in important moments - The last one to use it is Todd - Which I just think just captures his growth - he's taken up the confidence brought by two of his closest friends and a teacher who changed his life for at least a small fraction in time)

I had a few teachers in my life like Keating. They are the reason I never gave up on writing or doing things I love. They gave me reason to believe that I had something small I could put to use - I had a teacher who taught me at 14 who told me to never give up writing and another teacher who told me to continue writing poetry - another who showed to me that I should continue to fall in love with reading - another who showed me that the world was beyond the academics (as I studied classics - it was far more than that cookie cutter stereotype) - Also Keating as a teacher who actually listens - who is there to guide and help the boxes that literally hold students in uniformity

I don't know why - and how a film from the past can have such an impact on me in the 21st century - Very few films have impacted me in this manner and most of the films that have impacted me in that way were released in my lifetime. That being said I think myself lucky to have this to go back to. The film is a cathartic ritual of living, laughing in the moment and weeping and crying afterwards.

[demonir]

Reminiscing about my past… more specifically the first time I experienced transphobia directed towards me by a loved one…

I don’t remember exactly what age I was… either 13 or 14, I was still using mostly deviantart and skype as my social platforms of choice and my favorite online game was elsword

I had been roleplaying for a while by then and 99% of my characters were male so I found myself roleplaying as them… and enjoying the feeling of “acting as a boy” so much so that I told my online friends at the time to address me by a masculine name and “treat me like a boy” it felt… liberating, freeing, it filled me with a feeling that I would only find words for a long while later… gender euphoria.

I didn’t call myself trans, I didn’t say I was a boy, we all treated it more like some gag or bit, some “persona” I had taken on online. I had no one sit me down and explain to me what being transgender was, I certainly had stopped being homophobic half a year ago only so this was all entirely new to me and I wasn’t met with immediate rejection so I kept going while keeping it a secret from my more close friends as well as people irl only because deep down I felt it was “wrong” and I was doing something “I shouldn’t do”

While this happened I also had a very close friend, he was a cishet guy I had met in elsword and we had grown very close! We were both YouTubers at the time and we’d feature our sonas in each others videos all the time and we considered each other family, him being the brother I always wanted and me being the little sister he always wanted… he was 18 I believe? Or at least close to being so, he was very supportive and protective of me and genuinely a good person… even till the bitter end.

One day I opened skype and asked to talk to him about something important, he was none the wiser. I confessed to him how I wanted to be a boy and if he’d be okay with that… it was the first time I verbally acknowledged the fact that I was truly trans, and he was the first person I ever properly came out to.

He said he didn’t like it

He said that no matter what I did or said he could only see me as his little sister, that he didn’t want another little brother in his life… this of course broke my heart, I had very hesitantly come to terms with my identity for the first time and the person I looked up to rejected it without a second thought. I didn’t have an outburst, I didn’t yell at him, I didn’t try to defend myself… I simply said that if he couldn’t accept me then I didn’t want to stay, he kept messaging me after saying that we could maybe talk about it, reach some sort of agreement, I don’t remember his last words but I remember knowing he felt regret as I closed skype and uninstalled it forever.

He never tried to reach out to me through any other platforms after, not deviantart, not youtube, he didn’t even message me through the elsword friend chat in game

And that was the first time I felt someone dislike me for who I was, it wasn’t violent, I wasn’t told I was disgusting, I wasn’t questioned or told that I was mistaken… just told that he’d never see me that way… and somehow that hurt harder than any hate speech would in the years to come.

Just for the record, I do not hate him. I never did. I just feel disappointed even to this day… I hope he’s having a good life despite his hurtful words because for as long as it lasted our friendship left a mark in me, and a good one. The only thing I hope is that he sometimes thinks of me… and that he regrets his words deeply, that he re evaluates what he did and if he ever finds himself in that situation again… he won’t make the same mistake twice.

[thequiethermit]

Darryl Anka says our souls choose challenges and that life is essentially meaningless or a prop and we assign meaning to it. He says if you don’t act on your passion your soul won’t send you any more opportunities to act on your passion. Hearing him say that makes me feel claustrophobic in my body, I don’t know what i am passionate about. Sleeping and nurturing my daughter cat and sitting doing nothing for hours on end and rain. My passion doesn’t include anything to do with the outside world. Is there something wrong with me. I am terrified of people. I have severe agoraphobia. But not engaging with people i am afraid is negating the purpose of life, but that is not my own belief, i think i can sense people think i should leave my house. But i like my house. I am 19 but i feel old so old. Went to school up until 8th grade, but don’t worry i am smart. But some might think not because i also act funny. My mother told me to put the milk by the microwave and then opened the microwave door so I assumed she meant put the carton in the microwave but she meant next to it. Well i think spiritually i am smart not so much cognitively, but i am good with words and history. What was i saying, i went to school up until 8th grade and i felt like a pedophile being around all those kids because i feel old. Then from age 12 to now i have lived my life as a spirit - trying my hardest not to be seen. Apart from people at mental health establishments and supermarkets, i have talked to maybe 9 or 10 people over the years. So i am severely unsocialised like my therapist has said but also i hate humans more than anything else i can conjure. It hurts me when i try to be social and i can see their rejection in their eyes. Like i am not worthy of being engaged, but then i also understand because i feel like i don’t exist and it’s tangible. Humans are not my passion, i think that should be okay. I think it should be okay for me to live out the rest of my life in the reclusive way i am doing right now. I once had a monk come to my house back when i was in deep psychosis due to my drug use during the young age of 14. He looked at my hand and said i would live to 90. I sincerely hope not. I was so so deeply suicidal the last 3 days and now i can’t even understand why. Darryl anka says we shift into completely different people a million times per second. That is true i feel. No i know. I believe.

[charmcoindied]

finished 3.0 didn't like it much but i have a headache so i don't know if i can elaborate on it that deeply. read a review that reads it as a sort of fuck you to fans who desperately wanted to relive evangelion in movie format and as a sort of condemnation of clinging to the past and while i can kind of see that i feel like it doesn't necessarily work for me? the meta commentary angle i'm sure is more impactful to someone who's been a fan of the series since its inception but seeing as i was -7 in 1995 it misses the mark a little for me.

it does incorporate some of the elements of the series that i feel were missing from the first 2 rebuild movies but i think the choice to do a 14 year timeskip was weird because absolutely nothing of substance is done with it since none of the pilots age. i could see an argument for it creating a feeling of loss for shinji but it feels a little superfluous when shinji literally Ended The World. though maybe the timeskip is just supposed to represent a change in circumstances for shinji idk. you see misato and her new organization dedicated to destroying nerv (i already forgot the name xd) completely inverting everything her character stood for in the first place, but you don't get to spend any time with it to make it feel more meaningful. you see asuka and are under the impression that she's been through something, but what? it's not important. rei becomes the doll she struggled against in the series, only taking orders and doing what she's told. the narrative never really wants to explore these characters especially outside of what they mean to shinji and what he's done.

i think this movie is fine for shinji's character--his desire for acceptance by his father and to repent for his sins will just cause him to repeat the same mistakes over and over regardless of time space etc. kaworu identifies shinji as "another child burdened by fate" which is very apt. even the title sets him up for failure - you cannot redo, you cannot escape your mistakes, you can only learn to live with them. however you get absolutely none of the introspection that shinji goes through in the series and it ends up kind of just making him look stupid? which is something the first two rebuilds kind of painstakingly try to avoid in the name of appeasing fans that lambast shinji as whiny and pathetic. he doesn't know who he is or his place in the world, he just knows he's done wrong and tries to fix it. it's just a boring interpretation of who he is and what motivates him.

in general it was nice getting to see more of kaworu i guess. before i watched the series i really thought he would have a bigger role than just being in an episode or two at the end. it's really the only time shinji gets to have something "good" happen to him and especially having to see it violently ripped away like it is makes the whole thing feel more impactful i think

tl;dr 3.0 is like if end of evangelion was kind of bad

[sir-sillybunny]

i have never been so deeply disappointed in a story's ending as i was with this game

it was such an amazing beautiful game. there were so many very intriguing mysteries that had very satisfying answers. it was just so amazing and i was ready to consider it one of my favorite games of all time but then after the end of like chapter 5 i think it just all went downhill.

the story just went in a direction that felt really like boring? and just kind of forced. it started to feel less like i was reading a real story and more like i was a reading a fanfic of the story. like a fix it fix. it was nice to see the characters get a chance at getting fixed but just? idk. their motivations behind what they did were already obvious. we had already seen their personalities and what lives they led before in the first 3 doors. we did not need to it again. it was just the same story again except the characters were wearing costumes. and i slighlty disagree with the message it was trying to push. i understand that revenge is often not worth it and only serves to hurt you more if you seek it and i understand that everyone should get a chance at a new life to change for the better. but i dont believe that morgana was wrong for hating those men as deeply as she did. i agree that she shouldnt have cursed them, to that degree at least. but she had every right to hate them and to want terrible things to happen to them. idk. it was just so frustrating to have to sit through michel talk for hours with morganas murders and sympathize with them about what they did to her. all while knowing that morgana, the girl they were leting fucking die in a locked room, was upstairs from him slowly dying.

i get that the 3 men had the keys to free her but he didnt have to spend as much time with them as he did. the fact that he spent so much time talking with them made him too late to save her and she died anyway. which i guess it wasnt real anyway, he couldnt have actually saved her. but still. she deserved his attention and care more than any of them ever did. all she wanted was someone to save her. she didnt need to understand her murderers stories, she didnt need to feel any sympathy for them. i think if she was saved by someone before she died she wouldnt have turned into the witch after death.

and also????????? why is no one talking about how fucking creepy and literally pedophilic it was that the original jacopo was in love with morgana???????????? when she was 12 and he was 21?????????????????? that happened multiple times in the story. weird age gap relationships that are not at all presented as bad. the first times i noticed it i could chalk it up to trying to being historical accurate or something but that last one was just too much. jacopo literally said he had a crush on a 12 year old girl and that he would "wait for her." until she turned 18. which he didnt even do btw. he told her he was in love with her when she was 16, and attempted to do it before then. it was just gross and completely and utterly unnecessary to add to the game. also im remembering that earlier in the game the player gets asked which of a group of 3 girls he fancies and you had the option to say he fancied one of the girls who was 14 years old !! just so unnecessary to add and so creepy. this game came out in 2012, its not like it would have been normal to think that was okay.

another thing that weirded me out is that giselle in her normal character sprite had a normal sized chest and her dress wasnt all that revealing. but in every cg her tits were huge and basically completely out. in every single cg. theres nothing wrong with that if it was simply part of her style and looks. but it wasnt like that in her character sprite. it took away from the cgs and was just annoying.

it just sucks because up until that point it was such a good game. the music was beautiful, the story was so so good, it was all just so good. but i really wish the game ended when when saw morganas real body for the first time. it should have ended with a big long conversation or something. but instead it was another several hours of gameplay after that about forcing yourself into morganas memories and sympathizing with the men who killed her. it just sucked. even ignoring me disagreeing with the moral of it, it was just bad. we learned nothing in that chapter. every single major thing that got revealed about the mens motivations for what they did was already completely obvious. it just felt like they were trying to make the game longer. and after that the ending i honestly couldnt even pay attention to. i skipped through half of it. which maybe there was some super amazing dialouge in there that compeltely magically fixes all the stuff from before but i doubt it lol. either way the pedophila was still gross. so im deeply disapointed either way.

i spent 30 hours in that game and im never getting them back lmao

[aroaceking]

I literally cannot tell if you actually want me to answer any of the things you asked but I'm posting the entire comment and I will answer it. I'm going to be very honest and address that I am autistic so if I've taken the fact there were questions too literally I am actually sorry, I have no intention of requesting engagement from you if you are not actually trying to discuss it with me.

Reblogs are off because I don't really feel comfortable with reblogs when I'm going to address some of my trauma, but you're free to reply to this or send an ask (I think ask word limits are lower now?) if you wish to reply.

tw because I don't know how to explain any of my things without addressing a lot of this: transphobia tw, transmisogyny tw, intersexism tw, homophobia tw, racism tw, csa tw, cocsa tw, childhood sexual trauma tw, medical abuse tw, ableism tw, idk like literally it's just my life idk how to give it enough labels to give fair warning.

under a read more because it's long

@fite-club

okay. there’s a lot to unpack here. i’m gonna first address the “stop sexualizing asexuality” thing— asexuality is about sexual attraction, it is inherently a sexual topic in nature. but you’re alarmingly wrong about something here, and it’s the “recognizing ways I was different from my peers” part as a 14 year old, you WEREN’T different from your peers for not experiencing sexual attraction. MOST 14 year olds don’t. you mention trauma in your past— this is extremely relevant. why do you believe that the majority of 14 year olds were sexual, who told you that? ike, yeah, hypothetically someone who identifies as ace at 14 and experiences sexual attraction at age 18 can change their label from asexual to allosexual. but will they ACTUALLY do that, though? or will they just call themselves a sex-favorable asexual? when you make lacking attraction a part of your identity, what happens to your sense of identity if you DO experience attraction? also i need to point out that there are literal biological functions that are not done developing until you are over 18. your body and brain and hormones are still growing. you definitely cannot say with any certainty that anyone below the age of 16 knows they experience sexual attraction or not finally i need you to understand that by emphasizing “hey, it’s actually completely fine and normal to not be interested in sex at all when you’re in high school” it actually helps prevent teens from being sexually abused. “most teens are allosexual” is NOT the message you want to be spreading.

"asexuality is about sexual attraction, it is inherently a sexual topic in nature."

this is part of what I feel most uncomfortable with. it is innately a conversation about sexuality, but that, too, to me, feels simplified to state as 'sexual' when people are constantly equating sexual with 'having sex' or 'having sexual desires'. developmentally it's a lot more complex than that, especially when you don't use a split attraction model or thoroughly separate/classify all aspects of orientation. I understand why people may break down their identities into the tiniest boxes they can imagine, but I actually don't navigate it that way at all.

I'm deeply uncomfortable with the idea that discussing sexuality is sexual. I know I'm repeating myself, I just am not sure if I'm clear. It's also deeply unsettling to me to see people, of any orientation, act like it's sexual for a child to state if they like boys or girls or whatever else. Or how people act like it's sexual for a child to have a gender identity separate from their assignment.

I will acknowledge the assignment I was given had impact on my feelings on this matter, I was hypersexualized throughout my childhood for being intersex, for publicly going also from 'boy' to 'girl', for my race. I understand that these add to my experiences and are part of why I was reacted to the way I was. That it was a catch-22 because if I had liked boys, I would've been performing gender wrong and if I had liked girls, I would've been performing gender wrong, and that no matter what space I took up, it would be 'incorrect.'

But this experience is mine. I was doomed to be sexualized no matter what I did in the environment I was a part of, and part of that relates to this idea that gender and sexuality in children when 'off the norm' is innately sexual. That if a child expresses a relationship to gender or orientation outside of boxes defined for them that it's somehow sexual.

I tried to define it to an anon earlier also but developmentally I am including things like how children will play-roles as well. A lot of my friends learned gender and orientation through how they wanted to do pretend games or how they felt unfulfilled by them. This isn't sexual, this isn't weird, it's a normal part of development. This includes children picking and pointing out fictional characters or celebrities to admire or joke about wanting to marry/have as a boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever. This includes the way children will also explore themselves through putting claims out like 'so and so is my boyfriend now' or whatever.

"you mention trauma in your past— this is extremely relevant. why do you believe that the majority of 14 year olds were sexual, who told you that?"

I know the trauma in my past is 'relevant.' I'm sure if I had not been further sexualized by adults and children alike for being intersex and the WAY I was intersex that I would not have the same relationship to any of this. As I stated, it's why I feel so strongly about some of it. I don't know who I would be without trauma, I can't just take my trauma aside and yes, I've gone through therapy, multiple attempts, some forced and some me trying to approach it carefully. It's why I tried to study developmental psychology.

I really dislike the statement 'why do you believe that the majority of 14 year olds were sexual'. I believe a majority of 14 year olds weren't and aren't asexual because a majority of the population is not asexual. It's a minority group. So is being gay. So is being trans. So is being intersex. If they feel strongly enough to identify as asexual, it is probably because they have an experience where it has made them feel othered, or at the very least uncomfortable. I don't even see why it matters if they're wrong about it. Nowadays they're constantly seeing people misidentify it as rooted in action, as in if you have sex or not, and some of them are probably very scared of the expectation of sex, and so they may label themselves incorrectly because they want to feel like they have support in language to communicate a perfectly normal boundary to have and when they get older, hopefully they recognize that.

That's part of why I dislike the fixation on if it's about sex or not! Or even the fixation people have on labels staying stagnant! Lots of people identify as straight or cis or whatever before realizing they're not, and it's okay also for them to have gotten it wrong the first or second or fiftieth time around idk. I have friends that still don't exactly know where they sit on both gender and orientation. I think that's normal! We have our whole lives to navigate!

But also 'who told you that'. Almost everyone around me except maybe some of the xtians (I'm not xtian) and mainly the xtians were more focused on telling me that 14 year old girls weren't interested in those kinds of things, which is why they must be 'protected' from 14 year old boys who are entirely too interested in it and my biology would make me unsafe even after I had, against my will, been medically altered due to complications with my hormones and body.

I don't know. I don't know how to explain what I grew up in. I don't know if it's different cultural expectations, I don't know if it's the ways I was seen as a threat by white people, I don't know. It's not 'who' told me that because 'who' was nearly everyone. But even if they weren't telling me that, even if they were telling me I was 'smart' for not dating or that I probably shouldn't date anyway or that no matter who I dated it would be weird, they also thought it was weird I had no actual interest at all. That I didn't admire celebrities or had crushes or expressed any future interest in it. People thought it was weird as hell I thought the entire construct of it was kind of fake, and yes, I was also autistic and so there was a level of them just thinking I was stupid and developmentally challenged because I was autistic, but that's also part of why they tried to 'fix' it, because my presentation was one where I could 'try' to fit.

But also I know lots of people who were raised xtian and expected to be girls who also got really messed up by the confusing explanations and expectations around it. That hurt themselves because they thought there was something gross or wrong with them as they hit perfectly normal developmental milestones. I was also the outlet for a lot of weird guilt and self-loathing from both boys and girls who viewed me as innately sexual for my relationship to gender. That viewed my medical changes as something somehow for them.

I know it's perfectly normal to not date at 14, I don't know how to be more clear about that, I don't know how to say 'yes I am aware plenty of 14 year olds are figuring themselves out, plenty of them don't know or fake crushes or even will explain they don't know if they've had them yet, I know plenty of them are definitely not interested in sex or dating' and also state 'this is why I'm saying it's not about sex! the ways I was othered and hypersexualized and desexualized are about all the tiny other ways I did not fit into the boxes I was supposed to!'

I was trying to express how having 'asexual' as a term helped me cope. Helped me be more compassionate to my peers. Continues to help me now. That's what labels are even for. That's their use. I was upset seeing someone say "#you’re 15!#you don’t want to have sex! that’s fine!#it’s not an identity!" about a niece identifying as asexual on a post discussing how the op's relationship to crushes/attraction has changed from having a lot of them as a teen to mellowing out a lot as an adult (which is normal, which is why I'm so! fucking confused! on the fucking pushback!!!! on me stating that it was othering! to be a child outside of that and attacked by adults and other children over it!!! and now I'm being told 'nothing about ur experience was abnormal' then why!!! was I constantly!!! told!!! it was!!!).

I mean I can tell you part of why. I am not fucking stupid. I am aware I was 'abnormal' also for my body and my brain and my race. Normalcy is socially constructed and upheld. Something can be atypical but not treated as abnormal, and something can be common but socially classified as abnormal for structural purposes. Like we say 'minority' for nonwhite people as if white people aren't actually STATISTICALLY globally the minority. (Yes, I know, that depending on your country, they are statistically a majority, but they only became the 'majority' in the country I'm in through horrific violence and even in countries where they are statistically the majority it's violently upheld as they push back against nonwhite people moving in blah blah blah, ie still socially upheld through structures).

Like I feel like somehow I'm having entirely different conversations about this.

"like, yeah, hypothetically someone who identifies as ace at 14 and experiences sexual attraction at age 18 can change their label from asexual to allosexual. but will they ACTUALLY do that, though? or will they just call themselves a sex-favorable asexual? when you make lacking attraction a part of your identity, what happens to your sense of identity if you DO experience attraction?"

Okay but I don't CARE? The stigma around changing your orientation label needs to go but also I don't care if they're wrong. It's irritating, yes, and often derails these spaces and discussions, but also like it's their life, I can't make them change their identity. I can just share information on how other people have expressed attraction and learning to navigate it and offer solutions and pose questions on how their relationship may have changed and give examples of people coming into it deeper in adulthood.

There are people that think they aren't ace because they don't care if they have sex, even though they aren't attracted to anyone, and eventually reach a point in their life, sometimes late in it, where they learn about it and go 'oh' and suddenly have a word for this thing that helps them better define their experiences. And I don't mean 18, 18 is so young.

What happens to people who identify legitimately as a gender or orientation they later realize doesn't fit them? I can't control them. I had a friend who thought she was straight and it took a lot of self-reflection for her to realize she was bisexual. She had to be out of an environment where her attraction to women was dismissed, desexualized, and recognized as equal and not diminished by her attraction to men.

I've had friends who had been neutral on men in their lives, who realized they were lesbians only in their 20s because they had been neutral about men they tried to date due to expectations. I know women who transitioned and tried to like men out of gender obligation, who had to work through those feelings and the root of them to actually understand their relationship to orientation.

If we allow space and discussion for the myriad of ways it presents or develops or can be defined, then this becomes less of a fixation point. The fragility of people's identities rooted in NEEDING to strictly define them is not helpful for many, especially younger people. I'm still younger people. I know people who've changed their identities in their 50s. I know there are people I don't personally know who have changed and played with their identities even later in life.

I use language the way I use language because I'm autistic and descriptionist. I can't stop people from being prescriptionist with theirs.

I understand the harm people experience when they cling to identities that no longer suit them. But I can't constantly stop people from harming themselves, I can't control them! I ALSO can feel uncomfortable or out of place when people try to relate to me and utilize the same terms I do but in completely different ways. I don't know how to interact when someone my age comes to me identifying as ace but then also being alarmed when I do not relate to the ways they categorize attraction or lack thereof. It can be very strange to do so. A lack of something is even harder to define than the existence of something.

"also i need to point out that there are literal biological functions that are not done developing until you are over 18. your body and brain and hormones are still growing. you definitely cannot say with any certainty that anyone below the age of 16 knows they experience sexual attraction or not"

Okay, and again, they can just change how they define it. People biologically change their whole lives. Menopause biologically changes people but it doesn't mean that for the period of their life before they may utilize labels to describe their experience before that point, or that those identities may still be important to them after that point.

I didn't say they always know or correctly define if they experience attraction or not? I don't think people can really say with any certainty until they have reason to feel certain. I think people can be 16 and not know and 25 and not know and 52 and not know.

As stated before, I'm intersex. I was also medically altered in a way that potentially is part of why I do not experience attraction idk. I know people who were medically altered similarly who do experience attraction. Idk. I would say 'I don't care' if it would have been different otherwise, but I do care actually, I care a lot, but my reality is what it is now and it has been incredibly harmful to me to try and 'treat' it. If something changes, I will change my identity, and not feel ashamed that I utilized language the way I needed to while it was relevant to me.

I'm autistic and intersex. I don't. I don't know how to phrase this but like. I have never been developmentally categorized as in the position of 'normal.' Because normal is socially defined and enforced. There are stages and ranges that are categorized as 'normal.' People who do not fit those stages or ranges are treated differently. Sometimes they utilize language for it. I don't. Like that's all it is to me.

"finally i need you to understand that by emphasizing “hey, it’s actually completely fine and normal to not be interested in sex at all when you’re in high school” it actually helps prevent teens from being sexually abused. “most teens are allosexual” is NOT the message you want to be spreading."

It is in fact true that emphasizing to children that it is their right and completely fine and acceptable and a boundary they can uphold to not be interested in sex in high school, this is good and useful and helpful. Giving them language for that is important, regardless of why they need it.

It is also important to help prevent abuse by giving them better language and resources on how they may be developing sexually and that they do not need to be ashamed of interest or engage in unsafe sexual practices as a way to explore that. I had friends literally manipulated by the idea that there was something shameful in their development that was only suitable for adults to 'manage' for them and it was part of their exploitation. This is in fact an aspect of abstinence-only education being a failure.

Children also need to be taught even if they ARE developing sexual interest, they can also develop boundaries around it anyway! Shame, confusion, hiding, whatever about this literally directly leads a lot of teenagers into the arms of predators. It alarms and concerns me this topic can somehow shift into statements that may further confuse these lines, so I want to be very clear.

And I want to also state I don't. Ugh. I don't think children by and large actually are easily defined as 'majority straight' or 'majority allosexual' or anything like that. I think that obviously the majority of people meet that, hence my earlier statement of noticing a kind of othering, but I don't actually think that means it's fair to label hordes of children as either straight or allosexual or even cis because it is in fact typical that they wouldn't even know or have a definitive enough relationship to it.

Feeling drawn to describing an experience you have with language that is about how you've felt othered doesn't even mean no one else involved could later define themselves with those terms. Some of the people who were cruel to me found out later they were boys or found out later they were girls or found out later they were gay or found out later they were intersex in a different way from me even.

I AGREE that children should be taught they are allowed to have boundaries??? I agree that children should be taught it's acceptable and valid and completely within their right to not have crushes or interest in dating or interest in sex or be more focused on their other experiences (like poverty, like disability, like race, like trauma, like education, like gender, like media interests, like whatever else??) over defining themselves and their gender and their orientation?

I think we should in fact encourage that it is okay to not know or not need to know yet. I think we should encourage people to realize they don't have to rush experiences they aren't ready for. I have friends whose first relationship was 25 and they never identified as ace or aro, they just were never in a position to get into that part of themselves for a variety of reasons. I don't. I do not understand the reaction to what I've said.

I was upset because an individual child individually defined themselves and some adult in their life was alarmed by a fairly simple identity that was not in any way some permanent or damning aspect. I'm upset because in 2020 I saw some adult literally tell a middle-grade child who identified as asexual on the internet they were 'attracting pedophiles' by identifying publicly as ace. An adult thought it was appropriate to define it that way and say that kind of thing to a child because of the child's identity. A whole lot of other adults agreed with it and kept going on about the inherently sexual nature of the term meant to describe an orientation.

It's just weird. When I told my mom in high school, she became fixated on the ways she might have broken me or made me that way. She became focused on listing all the possible other explanations and getting me to counseling and then devolved into belittling me for it, when all it was was an explanation for how I felt I was experiencing the world. It helped my friends be kinder to me. It helped me be kinder to my friends. It still helps me navigate the ways I may be unable to relate to others.

[more-than-a-princess]

A  VALENTINE’S  APPLICATION. 

your  name: The Supreme Overlord of Ice and Snow, Gundham Tanaka

your age: 17

your perfect date:  I've never been on such a thing, but I imagine a walk in the woods or a hike would be ideal. Somewhere secluded, within nature, where we could find a clearing to break for a feast. Or perhaps, we simply stay inside and watch anime, or read grand tomes together.

make out in private or in public?:  Private. If the mere mortals saw a God do this deed, I'm afraid that it would have dire consequences.

do you like to cuddle?:  I have only done such a thing with a bear and a dog, but I believe I would enjoy it with someone that can withstand my aura.

tell me something about you: My magic skill level is at 420, however, I depleted some mp earlier casting a spell to calm a demon, so now it is at a measly 380.

why do you want to be my valentine?: You are my closest friend, someone that will never judge me. You are full of life and light, someone who is popular and so unlike myself. I admire you, Dark Queen. And am hopelessly in love with you.

//Your reply is in my drafts, coming soon~

Valentine's Day Application - Accepting through February 14!

It was crass to ask for Valentine's Day applications while wishing only for one in particular, wasn't it? Sonia had wanted to be open to celebrating the holiday however it was meant to be done in Japan: sending chocolates to friends, gathering up the courage to send a very specially-crafted chocolate to one person in particular, and simply enjoying the red and pink, heart and chocolate-filled atmosphere.

She didn't want to have expectations that were higher than that: nothing like she'd seen in anime, in their very special Valentine's Day episodes. In romantic slice-of-life shows, they were just as pivotal as the Christmas episodes: confessions that made or broke couples. There were no higher stakes, and Sonia tried not to dwell on those too much each afternoon she sat in Gundham's lab, watching him bathe a bear or feed a snake, or allowing her to groom the puppies and kittens that came into his care.

And wondering if, just maybe, he had it in him to care for another human as deeply as he did for his animals. It had been foolish to wish for it, she thought as she brushed over fuzzy bellies and long tails. He had so much to give to those who needed it, she had no right to ask to be a priority, his priority.

Yet...there it was, black and white, in her hands: a request, a wish, that matched her own.

"Imagine," She murmured, her smile soft as she reread the words again and again, committing them to memory as if they would disappear the moment she looked away. "Being Gundham Tanaka and never experiencing a date, or cuddles, or kisses. I would not believe it unless he told me."

Sighing, content and relieved and so many other emotions she'd found herself suppressing for so long, Sonia ran her hand over the page and nodded. She wouldn't cry. Even if there was no one around to witness it, she would not shed tears for something so wonderful: it might give him the wrong impression. That his application saddened her, when it was, in fact, the exact opposite.

"Yes, a thousand times yes," Sonia said. "To my closest friend, the one person who sees me for everything I am and will never judge me for it. I would be happy with anything, as long as it is with you."

[nanaminokanojo]

[10:00 PM] Ryomen Sukuna

LOG 14 OF MY JUJUTSU KAISEN TIMESTAMP DRABBLES

CHARACTERS: Sukuna X You WORD COUNT: 1,202 GENRE: fluff | kinda smut? | kinda angst | salaryman Sukuna TRIGGER WARNING: nudity | some touching lol | profanity | possessiveness | unhealthy amounts of jealousy lol SPOILERS: n/a

collection masterlist

photo/fanart credits to @/Natsushio on Weibo

"Baby."

Sukuna knows you heard him. Still, you continued walking as if you didn't, going ahead of him about ten paces ahead, your posture and the overall attitude in your gait speaking volumes of your current mood. He easily kept up with you, placing an arm over your shoulder, but much to his surprise, you shrugged it off you and walked the remaining expanse of sidewalk towards your shared apartment. He just watched in annoyance as you walked into the lobby and got into the elevator before him.

"Trouble with your princess?" this nosy grandma, who lived at one of the units at the first floor, asked.

Sukuna just smiled awkwardly, bowing slightly as he passed her by on his way to the elevator. When he finally got into your unit, he found your coat lying on the hallway, picking it up only to see your jeans a few steps ahead then your shirt. He finally found you in the kitchen already wrapped in a robe which you didn't even bother tying up, agitatedly pouring yourself a glass of wine, the cerise liquid sloshing around the glass violently.

You were behaving rather out of character, making a mess out of your clothes when he knew just how much you hated it when he leaves his things scattered about. On top of that, you left the cutlery drawer open with the corkscrew you used on top of the counter, droplets of red wine littering the granite top. You just passed him by without saying anything, refusing to look at him on your way to your bedroom.

I see how it is, he thought, taking long strides to the direction you went. He eyed you sternly, having had enough of your attitude. "Y/N, what's going on?" he demanded.

You flinched visibly at the way he addressed you. He doesn't call you by your name unless he was dead serious about something. "It's nothing. Don't mind me."

"Woman, don't tell me it's nothing when –"

Before he could finish, you walked into the adjoining bathroom, turning on the tap to the tub to tune him out. You were evidently being passive-aggressive now, and he detested it when you did that.

"Just go back to your party. I'm sure everyone's wondering where you've gone," you told him, picking up your glass from the dresser top. "Especially Miss Hanako." You shot him a sardonic smile before taking a swig out of your wine, the way you said the woman’s name dripping with vitriol.

And then it hit him. You've been dishing out barb since you told him you wanted to leave the company party he was partly hosting for his department. You did so when the secretary to the president arrived and started chatting him up. He was now thinking your behavior thereafter had something to do with it. You were fine before that so it could only mean one thing.

He didn't know whether to laugh or what at the thought of it. When he decided to pursue you, he didn't have qualms about it even if you were a good six years younger than him. He knew how problematic it could get having an immature partner, but that's where you were different. You held yourself with such confidence, grace and equilibrium way beyond your age, you shared the same pragmatic mindset he had and you didn't seem to have a proclivity for drama like others your age. You hardly ever fought because of petty things and he loved that about you.

But then, you're still young and he didn't hold it against you that you're suddenly acting like a brat. If anything, he was happy about it because you were never ever jealous. It sometimes made him doubt how you felt about him when you yourself would be pointing at other chicks for him to look at while saying things like, "Baby, look at her ass. Damn, she's sexy." And now that the green-eyed monster is rearing its head to the surface, he couldn't say he didn't like it.

"What about her?" he asked cautiously, making you jump the hoops.

You sneered, the action very intimidating despite your angelic features. “Oh, I don’t know, Sukuna. You tell me. You seemed to be enjoying her company. Don’t stop at my expense.”

He leveled his expressions to you. “Well, she is something, isn’t she? Smart, too.”

“Yeah, you deserve each other,” you hissed, the anger flaring up in your eyes making him stir alive.

“But she’s married.”

“All the better!” Seeing through what he was doing, you turned towards the bathroom and slammed the door shut. He didn't hear you lock it so he followed suit.

"If you're jealous, just say so already!" he told you. He wanted to hear it out of your mouth.

"Why would I be jealous? She looks like a bad rip-off of 80s Brooke Shields!" you spat, confirming his thoughts. You climbed into the bathtub sulkily, eyes on the bubbly water.

Sukuna knew he shouldn't even be thrilled about the prospect of it. If you were jealous then that means you were kinda doubting him in terms of his loyalty to you, and he should not like that, but at the same time, you were also being possessive which you rarely do. He couldn't help it.

Loosening his tie, he began shedding his clothes off, stripping naked before you, revealing the tattooed expanse of his skin and his impressive musculature as he tossed one garment after the other.

"What are you doing?" you asked as he approached, the way you mumbled the words causing him to just sigh, feeing defeated at how endearing you looked hugging your knees to yourself. "I thought I told you to go back to your party."

He didn't say anything as he went into the tub, sitting opposite you, but it wasn't long before he was pulling you towards him, positioning you between his legs so your back was pressed against his hard chest. He then began planting hungry kisses on your neck, down to your shoulders, his large hands wandering all over your body, one already having found itself on your breasts while the other coaxed your head to turn towards him so he can kiss you, his movements urgent yet languid and gentle.

"I'm all yours," he breathed against your lips, grinning. "You know that, right?"

"I know." You shrugged, facing forward again. “I don’t like the way that witch was touching you though. And you were all smiles about it, too.” You smacked him on the thigh, eliciting that deep laughter you adored no matter how mad you were at him. “Don’t laugh! It’s not funny.”

“It kinda is.”

“If you even think for a second that anyone can have you, Ryomen Sukuna, you’re wrong.” You looked him in the eyes, your dark orbs boring into him while your hand touched the side of his face, your crimson-painted nails looking like claws against his cheek. “You’re mine.”

He wrapped his arm around you, kissing you on the temple before placing his chin on your shoulder. "Jealousy is ugly, baby," he whispered in your ear, "but I gotta say, you wear it so well."

-END-

Okay. Before I get another "untimely (and unsolicited, if I'm allowed to say) lecture" about the etymology of the word "Ryōmen (両面/りょう)" meaning "two-faced/two-sided" and not a surname or given name , let me say it now, I KNOW, but thanks anyway. Sukuna and I are neighbors, just 4 hours by train. Geez. However, I am using his whole name in literature form, so if I do switch it up and use it as a surname for him (cause heaven forbid, the Kamigami rain hell on me) it's all for fun and literary creativity. No need to get too pressed over it.

No more fighting on my comments to point this out @fushigummy @kenkinori XD

And I have nothing against the 1980s or Brooke Shields. *waves at her fans*

It's established. I love bathtub scenes although I detest the idea of stewing in my own filth. But yeah, look forward to more bathtub drabbles.

I say too many things. Bye.

Thank you so much for reading. Likes, comments and reblogs are deeply appreciated! Hope you enjoyed it.

© ORIGINAL WORK BY nanaminokanojo. CHARACTERS ARE INSPIRED BY GEGE AKUTAMI'S JUJUTSU KAISEN. [20210603]

PHOTO/IMAGE/GIF/FANART CREDITS TO THE RESPECTIVE OWNERS.

[themollyjay]

Invisible Oppression and Trans Lives

Not long after George Floyd was murdered, I was talking with a woman about the protests against police brutality and the discussion turned to why certain groups of people fear cops.  I pointed out that, historically, people like myself - trans women - do not have the best track record with law enforcement.  From there the conversation drifted to the subject of oppression.  I honestly don’t remember how, because I was so stunned by the words that came out of her mouth that most of the rest of a conversation is now an indistinct blur.  She said, “Well, I’ve been oppressed a lot longer than you.”

The implication in her words was clear: She was saying that I wasn’t oppressed before my transition.  

To give a bit of context, I had known this woman for five years, and I had transitioned two years before we had this conversation.  Since I transitioned, she had never been anything but cordial and supportive.  She had always used my correct name and pronouns and had never even hinted at any sort of prejudice towards me because of my gender identity. She got along well with other queer people.  I had never felt anything but comfortable around her.  In fact, she was one of the first people outside of my immediate family I told I was transgender.

I think that comfort is why her words surprised me and cut me so deeply.  Because I was comfortable with her and because I trusted her enough to tell her that I was transitioning before I made the general public announcement, I fell into the trap of thinking that she understood.  Her words were a harsh reminder of just how little even some of the most accepting people understand about how deeply and how early queer people experience oppression.

I knew, from a very young age, that I wasn’t a normal little boy.  I liked dolls, and pink things and I preferred She-Ra to He-Man, I loved My Little Pony.  The moment I discovered Supergirl existed, she forever replaced Superman as my favorite superhero.  I also knew from a young age that I had to hide all those things.  I grew up living with my grandmother - a Church-three times-a-week, speaking in tongues, Pentecostal Christian.

I grew up living in fear that there was something wrong with me, that I was damned because I would rather ride my neighbor’s pink and white bicycle than my own dirt bike with the snakeskin decals.  When I made the mistake of mentioning I thought a man was cute, I got interrogated by a family member about whether or not I was gay, something I barely understood but knew was a horrible sin.  

When I was 14, I realized that more than anything else in the world I wanted to be a woman. I kept that secret for 23 years because I was terrified of what it would mean.

When people in positions of privilege think of oppression, they think of slave ships, of ghettos, of concentration camps, Jim Crow laws, apartheid, lynch mobs, and raids on gay bars.  They don’t think about the far subtler forms of oppression that come from the pressure around us to be “normal,” to conform, to fit into the expectations laid on us by family, by friends, by culture, and by religion.  But whether people think about it or not, that subtle oppression exists.  I know, because it nearly killed me.

Being a closeted trans woman is like carrying another person around on your back.  You hate this person with every fiber of your being, but you get up every day and you pick them up and you carry them on your back.  Their weight crushes you down and leaves you in constant pain.  Everyone you meet talks to this person you’re carrying and doesn’t even realize you exist.  The worst part is that you are terrified every moment of every day that someone will see the real you because you are convinced they will hate you.  You are convinced that if they see you, your life will be over and you will lose everything: Your family, your job, your home, your relationship, your friends.

I carried that person on my back for 42 years, and I hated him every single day.  I hated looking at him in the mirror.  I hated dressing him.  I hated listening to him talk.  I hated hearing his name.  I hated the weight of him crushing me down until I felt exhausted and worthless.  I carried him until the day I realized that I would rather die than carry him any further.

That’s what oppression did to me.  It made me want to die.  It made my life so miserable that the only way I could keep living it was to refuse to carry that other person anymore.  I had to choose between dying and risking losing everything.  Because all too often trans people do lose their family when they come out, or their job, or their home, or their relationship, or their friends, or all of the above.

I had an easy transition.  None of that happened to me.  I didn’t lose my job or my apartment.  I didn’t have a relationship when I came out.  Most of my family has been supportive.  My mom bought me my first Barbie doll for Christmas in 2018.  It’s the Wonder Woman movie edition and I love it!

But 42 years of terror doesn’t leave you without scars.  I have an anxiety disorder that requires medication.  I carry my updated birth certificate, my driver’s license, and my passport with my corrected gender everywhere I go.  I have an app on my phone to find safe bathrooms if I have to pee while I’m out in public.  I’m terrified to approach a woman for a date because some queer women hate trans woman with a passion.  I’m terrified to approach a man for a date because there’s a chance he might kill me.

All of this ran through my mind when the woman I was talking to told me she’d been oppressed longer than I have.  I’m a trans woman.  I’ve been oppressed my entire life, because I was born into a world where people hate me simply for who I am.  I spent 42 living a lie because of the threat of violence and ostracism.

For trans people, lifelong oppression is very real.  Our right to exist is debated endlessly in the halls of government.  Bills that bar us from using bathrooms and other public accommodations consistent with our gender identity are still being debated and passed in state legislatures.  We’re murdered and it barely garners a mention in the news.  We trade the names of our dead online, and in support groups.  When the police bother to arrest anyone at all, the simple fact that we’re trans is used as a justification for our deaths.  It’s still legal for our killers to use the ‘trans panic’ defense in dozens of states.

All of those are forms of oppression that people with privilege can wrap their heads around.  What they don’t understand are the invisible forms of oppression that are just as damaging.  

Too many people, even within the queer community, believe in the myth of “passing privilege.”  The idea that if no one knows we’re trans, then we don’t suffer from the bigotry directed at trans people. They don’t understand the weight of the person we have to carry, the person other people see, the person we use as a shield to protect us from all the horrible things that happen to us when people find out we’re trans. The crushing, grinding pain that is felt but not seen, and never goes away even for a moment.  For trans people, the most damaging oppression all too often takes the form of a closet door.

As of this writing, about a year has passed since that conversation.  In that time, J.K. Rowling - one of the most famous authors in the world - went on a transphobic Twitter then followed it up with an essay on her personal website demonizing trans women, and invalidating trans men.  A few days later, then President Donald Trump tried to make it legal for health care workers to deny trans people medical attention, something that was only stopped because a federal judge blocked his effort.  On top of that, dozens of trans women were brutally murdered, and others have been attacked in public without any sort of response from the authorities.  These events were an all too clear reminder of the reason I spent decades too afraid to put down that other person I was carrying on my back and to let people see the real me.  All of these events were vivid reminders that the oppression is still real.

I can't go back to that moment and tell my woman friend all of this. Even if I could, I’m not sure she would understand. I’m not sure that anyone who hasn't lived through it can understand. But I hope these words, the words I couldn't find in the moment, will help people realize that for trans people, oppression and bigotry have always been a part of our lives, even before we understood why.

[dreamescapeswriting]

BTS Reaction || Cockwarming [M] [Request]

A/N: Everything written is consensual between both parties and has been discussed before it has happened. This is intended for audiences over the age of 18 please don’t read if you’re under the age. (I’m deadly serious, I may have to stop writing smut if I get one more 13/14 year old telling me how much they love my smut)

WARNING: Contains: exhibitionism, mentions of spanking/punishments, consensual somnophillia

Seokjin:

The sun peaking through the blinds woke you up as it always did and you whined turning away from them and turning to face Jin.

"Too early," You mumbled into his chest, all he did was wrap his arm around you without speaking. It was far too early for either of you to even think of waking up but the sounds you'd been making in your sleep like state were making it hard for Jin to go back to sleep, he'd been awake before you but had tried to ignore his problem.

"Jin is that?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry." He yawned looking down at you and smirking, you smirked back up at him and then shook your head.

"I'm too tired, maybe we can just try cockwarming again?" You'd suggested it before and Jin loved it, whenever you were both too lazy or too worn out from your days to actually have sex and just wanted to be close to one another you would do it.

"Sure thing baby, turn over." You rolled back to face the window and he tugged down the panties you had worn to bed,

"Shit Jagi, nice dreams?" He chuckled as he ran his fingers over your dripping entrance, you whimpered as you felt him move closer to you and put his tip where you needed him most. You began clenching around nothing and he chuckled seeing you this way,

"So needy, I thought you were tired?" He whispered in your ear, kissing down your neck as he slowly plunged into you from behind, you let out a squeak and grasped onto the sheets as he stretched you out.

"Jin," You breathed once he was all of the way inside of you, you could never get used to his size but you both snuggled down together while staring out of the window.

"Hmm Jagiya, you feel so good." He knew what he was doing, he knew that if he whispered in your ear long enough and kissed down your neck you would eventually end up begging him to fuck you into the mattress but you were tired from the night before and a little sore.

"J-Jin," You whimpered as he slowly began to thrust his hips in and out of you at a torturously slow pace with next to no roughness as he thrust back into you.

"Sorry baby, just trying to get comfortable." He lied biting down and sucking on your sweet spot.

"Just fuck me already," You whispered finally having enough of his games, you stayed in the same position but he lifted one of your legs up and hooked it over his arm.

"You sure Jagi, I know how tired you are." You hissed as he slowed his thrusts down to almost a stop,

"Please Jin, I need you." He smirked darkly and his thrust began to get rougher, fucking up into you and grunting into the base of your neck as he tried to keep himself quiet. The boys were somewhere inside of the dorm and he didn't want to have to explain this one to them,

"Ugh, shit baby," Jin grunted when he felt you clench around him, your hands travelled down to your sensitive clit and you began to rub yourself while moaning out Jin's name, you didn't care about the boys. All you cared about was Jin making you feel good and in return, you doing the same for him

"Shit, Jin right there." Your head turned to look at him as he smirked down at you, fucking right into your hilt as you could feel your orgasm starting to build in the pit of your stomach.

"You close?" He egged on, rolling his hips a little slower only to pick up the movement again when you let out a whine of protest,

"Jin please," You begged hands moving to grip onto the sheets around you, your whole body was on fire and the coil in your stomach was threatening to snap at any second,

"Stop clenching like that - ugh fuck - I wont last Jagi," You giggled as you felt him twitch inside of you, you contracted around him again and his head buried deep into your neck.

"Cum Jin, fill me up."  Your breathy moans sent Jin over the edge and his thrusts began to build once more,

"You first Jagi." He smirked holding your leg higher so he could reach a deeper angle, you practically screamed out his name when he did this and he chuckled sucking on your neck.

"Cum for my Jagiya, that's it...Good girl." His praises tipped you over the brink and you felt the all-too-familiar feeling of your orgasm crash over you and explode. The coil snapped and Jin continued to let you ride out your orgasm until it sent him over the edge of his and he spilt inside of you.

"Shit," You giggled once he pulled out, the sheets were covered and you looked at him.

"Have fun explaining this one to Jungkook." You laughed knowing that it was Jungkook's turn to wash everything, Jin said nothing he just kissed you sweetly and told you to go and run a bath while he stripped everything down.

Yoongi:

Yoongi had tried to be quiet when he came in from work but he was stressed at something that had gone wrong and all he wanted to do was get home and fuck you for it. You did things like that all of the time if he had a stressful day at work you would let him come home and make himself feel better with your body. But it was 3 in the morning and he knew you would be fast asleep in bed by the time he got in and you were. There you were laid out on the bed in nothing but one of his shirts and a lace thong that was doing little to cover you. Yoongi grunted at the sight of you and felt his hard-on get worse, he'd been hard ever since he'd thought about coming home to you that night but you were asleep. He shuffled onto the bed beside you and tried to ignore his problem but it became increasingly aware to him that he couldn't ignore it with you next to him. Not only were you irresistible to him but you were making moans in your sleep and grinding into nothing as you did so,

"Fuck." He mumbled watching as your hips moved up and down as though you were being fucked in your dream, he ran his hands down your body to see how you would react and you let out a soft hum. It wasn't something that hadn't happened before, he'd woken you up with sex before and you'd woken him up with oral it was nothing new in our relationship and it had all been discussed before, you were both fine with it. He moved closer to you and took out his length, rubbing it in his palm before pushing your thong to the side and he then ran his cock over your folds letting out a moan at how wet you were. It must have been a really good dream but the moment you felt Yoongi near your core you began to rock back and forth subconsciously whimpering at the sudden hardness.

"Ah shit," Yoongi grunted his hands falling to sit on your waist as you continued to rock on his member, he wasn't even inside of you yet and you already felt good to him. He kissed down your neck before slowly pushing himself inside of you, your rocking stopped and he grunted at how tight you were.

"Yoongi," You whispered happily finally waking up when you felt him inside of you, he couldn't tell if you were annoyed at him or not so he began to apologise and slowly pull out but you whined in protest.

"Sorry baby you just-"

"No, feels good...Just don't move." You begged him and he pushed back into you. Holding himself deep inside of you while you turned your head up to face him, he kissed you sweetly and you smiled.

"Bad day?" You questioned, both of you sitting there as if having him inside of you was a normal thing, as though it was just like sitting and talking about his day.

"I couldn't finish a verse and then when I did, it was gone and nothing got saved." You hummed in response and he smiled down at you,

"You want to make yourself feel better?" You questioned, thinking he would want to roughly fuck you like he always did but he shook his head which was a little surprising to you.

"No, this...This feels better, being close and intimate with you." He whispered snuggling down beside you but keeping himself buried deep inside of you. He brushed the hair out of your face and ran his fingers up and down your arms,

"What were you dreaming about?" You smiled and continued to talk to one another as though this was just a daily occurrence, to sit with your boyfriend's dick inside of you and not do anything about it.

"Oh, it was just about us on the balcony...You know like when we went to Paris and rented that penthouse suite." His hips bucked at the thought of Paris and you giggled as he let out a low grunt at the memory. He'd taken you to Paris for an anniversary dinner and you ended up missing dinner and fucking on the balcony rail, no one could see you both too far up for anyone to have noticed except for the room serviceman who had come in to check on everything when he had complaints about noise from other guests.

"Don't remind me," He chuckled deeply as you yawned and closed your eyes,

"Goodnight Jagi," He whispered kissing your neck and getting comfy behind you.

Hoseok:

Hoseok woke up when he felt you moving around and he let out a low grunt when he felt you shift a little too much his hands clamped onto your waist to stop you from moving and in your sleepy state you whined out,

"Jagiya, stop." He mumbled you were in a hotel room which the boys could walk into at any moment, the rooms were conjoined and he didn't fancy the boys walking in on this.

"Feels good." You whispered pushing your hips back and moaning when you felt him buck his hips a little, Hoseok tried to pull out but let out a groan when he felt you contract around him.

"H-Hobi," You whimpered feeling him push back inside of you, you were awake and looking over your shoulder at him. Memories of the night before came flooding back to you and you giggled, you'd gotten so drunk that neither of you could walk and ended up falling asleep not even two minutes into sex and you must have just stayed that way.

"Don't pull out," You whispered liking the feeling of having him there and he couldn't lie to himself, he enjoyed feeling you around him as well.

"You want to just sit here?" He questioned and you nodded,

"It's called cockwarming Hobi...It's a more intimate version of spooning." He chuckled as you explained it to him and you smiled as he moved closer to you. His chest pressed against your back and you smiled feeling him deep inside of you. You clenched when you heard the door rattle and Hoseok let out a dark chuckle,

"Scared they'll walk in?" He liked the thought of you being turned on and worried about them at the same time, it wasn't as though you'd never fucked in the same house as them but this, this was a little different. They were right next door, there was no lock to keep them from bursting in and the walls were paper thin.

"You don't want them to see you getting fucked into the mattress baby?" He pulled until he was almost all of the way out, nothing but his tip inside of you and then he slammed his length back into you making your back arch as you let out a whine.

"Careful baby, they could walk in any minute." He put his hand over your mouth and you let out a giggle of excitement, you loved whenever Hoseok decided to get this way. He would fuck you into tomorrow if he had half the chance, he lifted your leg up into the air and began to thrust into you all while making sure your eyes were trained on the door.

"If they walk in I want you to hold eye contact, hmm? Let them know who's fucking you this good." You whimpered and nodded in agreement, not trusting your voice in case you screamed out your answer. This only made Hoseok chuckle and fuck into you at a faster and rougher past,

"Close." Was all you could say from behind his hand and he grunted feeling you constrict around him.

"You're so fucking tight." He whispered into your neck as he continued to pump in and out of your, filling you up and making you moan into his hand. The boys in the other room were long forgotten once you felt the pit in your stomach begin to deepen when you felt your fast approaching orgasm.

"H-Hobi," You panted feeling yourself getting closer and closer to release but the boys were getting louder in the other room,

"Forget them baby, cum for me." He whispered in your ear grunting out your name when he felt you clench around him, he continued to fuck into you through your high until he could no longer hold is back and he split into you. Your hands were gripping onto the sheets as you let out small whines while coming down from your high,

"If you two are done, we'll meet you downstairs for breakfast." you heard Jimin call through the door you groaned and rolled over to face Hoseok who was smirking at you,

"The room is empty...Round 2?" You threw a pillow at him and went to have a shower.

(Okay but you have no idea how much restraint it took me not to put ‘’scared potter’’ instead of ‘’scared they’ll walk in’’)

Namjoon:

The movie was boring and you were bored of waiting for Namjoon to give you attention. He'd promised you he'd give you some earlier but instead, he dragged you around to the dorms to visit the boys instead which lead to all of you sitting on the sofa and watching movies. You'd been sitting on Namjoon's lap the whole time and you could feel him getting hard beneath you but you knew he wouldn't do anything about it.

"I'll be right back," You whispered to Namjoon, you took off the blanket that was covered you and walked towards the bathroom of the dorms. Once inside you kicked off your underwear from under your skirt and smirked to yourself, you knew exactly what to do to get your own way and you knew how to torture Namjoon for making you wait all day for him. You went back into the living room and sat back on Namjoon's lap, he instantly knew what you'd done because he could feel the wet patch seeping through his sweatpants.

"Y/n...here?" You pulled the blanket over you again and smiled at Jin who was on the other side of the sofa from you,

"Cold." You lied pulling down Namjoon's sweats just a little and lining him up at your entrance. If anyone was to look over it would just look like you were getting comfortable on his lap but you sank yourself down onto his length and let bit down on your lip to stop yourself from moaning out his name when you felt him reach your hilt.

"Joonie, you okay?" Jin questioned once he heard a small grunt come from Namjoon, he nodded at his friend and grabbed your hips to try and move you a little bit but you stayed in place knowing how much he hated cockwarming and how desperately he needed you.

"You'll only make your punishment worse later, right now you're up to 15 spanks." He growled in your ear, the music on the film got louder and you lifted up and down once before hearing him grunt once more.

"Make that 25." You smirked not caring about later because right now you were having fun being the one in charge, you'd needed him all day and having him buried deep inside of you like this felt good. You didn't care that the boys were in the room and you didn't care that Namjoon was coming up with ways to punish you later, you'd missed feeling full.

"Feel good being full? You're not getting any for the next month baby girl." He whispered when the credits began rolling,

"I think we're gonna stay here tonight guys, Y/n's really tired." The boys all wished you goodnight and as soon as the living room door was closed and Namjoon knew they were all upstairs he ripped the blanket away from your body and held your hips in place while he fucked up into you,

"You think it was funny? Sitting on me like that in front of them?" You gripped onto the sofa and bit down onto your lip trying not to cry out as he relentlessly fucked into you.

"Do you?!" You nodded and he chuckled pulling out of you and bending you over the back of the sofa,

"You better enjoy this then baby girl cause you're not getting stuffed for at least another month." He pushed into you and without giving you any second to adjust to the new angle he began thrusting in and out of your while pulling your hair into a tight ponytail,

"Look at you, spread out like this on the sofa, what if they walk in again." You couldn't think of any words to say your brain had a fog over it, all you could think about was cumming and it wouldn't be long, the familiar tightness was happening in your stomach and you let out a moan to let Namjoon know it was fast approaching,

"Cum for me then darling," He chuckled reaching down and rubbing your clit aggressively, the sudden pressure from the palm of his hand on your clit sent you over the brink and you cried out his name, not caring about anybody in the house anymore.

"Shit baby, you're making a mess all over the sofa," He laughed pulling out and looking as your juices dripped down onto the leather,

"You're not finished though," You were about to question him when he thrust back into your oversensitive pussy and you whimpered, hands gripping the leather as you tried not to cry from the pleasure he was giving you.

"Colour?" He questioned wanting to make sure you were still okay to go,

"Green." You whimpered loving the way he was making you feel and he smirked before slapping you across the ass.

"Count." You were in for a long night and you knew it.

Jimin:

It was a stupid bet that Jimin had made with Jungkook and you went along with it. Who could go the longest without having sex with their partner but you were starting to get annoyed with Jimin, you'd been needy all week and he was still trying to win this stupid bet that meant nothing. There was nothing involved except the winner got to know that they were better than the loser, it had been a week of no sex and normally it was Jimin that got moody but tonight it was you.

"Look I asked Jungkook and he said that the rules don't exclude cockwarming," You stared at Jimin as he casually threw into the conversation that he'd been talking to Jungkook about how you'd been needy all week.

"He said his girlfriend has too! I didn't think it was a big deal." He groaned, if you weren't so needy for his attention you would have walked away from him but the thought of just having him inside of you again drove you wild. You gasped as you sank down onto him on the living room sofa and his hands held onto your waist,

"Shit." You whispered feeling him fill you up for the first time in over a week and he let out a grunt,

"You're so tight." You whined at his words and playfully hit his chest,

"Maybe if you fucked me I wouldn't be so tight." He chuckled at you and you let out a small moan as you shifted your legs to get comfortable.

"D-Don't move, fuck." Jimin moaned biting down on his lip and throwing his head back,

"Like this?" You slowly rose up only to fall back down and you felt him twitch inside of you, you giggled watching the way his face screwed up.

"Baby, I'll lose the bet." You smirked riding him slowly and looking at him, your placed your hands on his chest as you continued to ride and he let out a grunt.

"What's better? The bet or me?" His eyes opened and he met your gaze,

"Fuck the bet," He groaned spinning you around so you were laid on the sofa, he lifted your legs over his shoulder and buried himself deep inside of you. Your nails dragged down his chest as you felt him hit you where you'd been needing him most all week.

"Jimin right there," You panted and he smirked pulling out of you and thrusting back in a rough manner which had your back arched away from the faux leather sofa and crying out his name.

"You like this huh?" Your body shook as he continued to pound into you, picking up the pace as he went along with it and your hands gripped onto his biceps.

"Gonna cum," You stuttered and he chuckled kissing down your neck and telling you to let it all go. The wave of white washed over you and you closed your eyes tightly as you bucked your hips cumming around him, he let out a low grunt as he felt you contract around him he fell into his own orgasm with you and spilt into you making you giggle as you felt him leak out and onto the sofa.

Taehyung:

Taehyung had been so immersed in the game he was playing at his computer desk he hadn't even noticed you coming into the room in his favourite underwear set on you. You cleared your throat but he continued playing the game with Jungkook over the mic,

"Tae." You whined turning his chair around once the round was over, he smiled at you as he realised what you wanted his attention for.

"One more round and I'm all yours," With that, he was back to playing with Jungkook but you could already see the tent forming in his sweatpants so you knew the plan was working, you ran your hands down his chest and he groaned as you then started rubbing his shoulders.

"No, Y/n'd giving me a shoulder massage." You smirked knowing that Jungkook was listening and it only turned you on more to know he was. You slowly pushed down Taehyung's sweats and held your finger up to your lips to tell him to be quiet, he nodded and stared at you while he waited for the next round to start.

"What's going on?" He whispered looking at you as you kicked off the underwear, you pouted out your bottom lip playfully.

"I want attention, play your game." He nodded obediently and you pumped in your hand before sitting yourself on him reverse cowgirl so you could watch him playing the game while you straddled him.

"Oh shit," You moaned out as you sank down onto him and felt him reach your hilt, he grunted at how tight you were and gave some excuse to Jungkook about how you'd knocked something over.

The game continued and every time he got too into the game he would buck his hips only to lose the shot he needed as he thrust up into you and have you clench around him.

"I can't keep doing this," He mumbled against your skin as he tried to create some friction between you, but you loved the feeling of feeling full of him and didn't mind sitting there all night.

"Win the game and we can move." You whispered to him continuing to watch him control the character on screen, with the newfound motivation he focused on everything but you. Not even your small hip movements were going to distract him now but right as he was about to get the winning kill to end everything you rose yourself up only to lower yourself again and he lost.

"Fuck this," He threw down the controller and gripped onto your hips holding you up so he could thrust up into you, not stopping as you leant yourself forward to hold onto the desk. He was hitting deeper than before and you were crying out his name while he pounds into you from behind.

"Fuck, you think you can tease me like that and get away with it, huh?" With the last 'Huh' he thrust himself into you and held himself just about where your hilt was but not close enough to give you the pleasure you needed.

"F-Fuck Tae, please." You begged looking over your shoulder at him and pleading with him to let you cum.

"You're so fucking needy to cum aren't you? You wanna cum all over my cock?" You nodded pathetically and he smirked finally fucking you roughly against the desk, he bent down and whispered into your ear,

"You better cum hard baby, it's gonna be the last time you do this week.2 You whimpered as you felt his words adding to the pleasure you were experiencing.

"5 Seconds until the next round baby, you better cum." He began counting down and you gripped onto the edge of the desk as you felt it wash over you as he got to two,

"Tae!" You screamed as he continued to pound into you reaching his own high right before the next round started, he pulled out and smirked as he watched his seed roll down your thighs.

"Go clean up, I'm not done with you yet." He picked up the controller and chuckled to himself.

"That's fucking disgusting, next time mute your mic or I'm telling Jin." Taehyung smirked to himself glad that you'd left the room, you'd never be able to face Jungkook again if you knew he'd heard everything.

Jungkook:

Your hands gripped onto the headboard as Jungkook thrust into you,

"Fuck, K-Kook I can't." You panted knowing that the last orgasm of the night was going to take everything out of you. You'd gone out to dinner with him and the boys and had done nothing but tease him throughout the entire night and then he took you home to fuck you.

"I said five times, you're gonna cum five times." He ordered pulling your hair back so your neck was exposed to him, your back arched in a way that made him reach deeper into you.

"Look at you, you're so fucking pretty aren't you?" You whimpered again your mind already a mess from the four orgasms he'd given you before, one in the car, two in the living room and one in the bedroom.

"Clenching so tight around my cock as well, such a good girl." Your grip on the headboard tightened as the coil in your stomach tightened.

"C-Close." Was all you could manage to say and Jungkook smirked pulling out of you and laying you down so you were facing the window, he laid down behind you and slipped into you.

"Fuck, look at you baby. You're doing so well aren't you." You clenched at the praise he was giving you and he chuckled knowing that you loved it.

"You gonna cum for me?" You nodded and he smiled proudly, kissing your exposed shoulder and lowering one hand down to your clit so he could rub it. It was already too much from the moment he started to rub small circles and you let out a long whine as he did.

"I know baby, but one more time and you're done." You giggled as though you were drunk and he smirked, it was one of the tale signs that you were getting tired from your orgasms.

"So tight." He grunted as you clenched around him one more time, his thrusts began to build faster again and you gripped onto the sheets feeling the coil tighten once more,

"Cum for my angel." He whispered in your ear and as if your orgasms were voice-activated you cried out his name and the coil snapped. Your orgasm hit you like a truck and you bucked your hips backwards and shook as he continued to fuck his seed into you.

"S-Shit, stay still baby...Stay still, that's it...Good girl." He calmed you down and held you in place to stop you from shaking too much and you panted as he brought you closer to him. He was still inside of you which was something you did a lot after sex, he would just stay inside of you to feel closer to you while you cuddled and came down from your highs.

"You alright?" He questioned wiping the sweat that was dripping down your forehead, you nodded and he smiled at you. Giving you a kiss on the lips before laying his head in your neck.

"Couple more minutes here and then I'll get us a bath." He promised you.

Tagline: 

@writingdreamsnottragedies​ @yoongisdumplingcheeks​ @snowy-meowl​ @lynnthevirgo​ @jooniesdarlingdimples​ @lyoongx​ @mitzwinchester​ @callingmyangel​ @fan-ati--c​ @btsiguess-kpop​ @rjsmochii​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @taestannie​

[helliontherapscallion]

Catching Up (Adrenaline Junkie Part 9)

Part 1     Part 2     Part 3     Part 4     Part 5     Part 6     Part 7     Part 8     Part 10     Part 11     Part 12     Part 13     Part 14     Part 15     Part 16     Part 17

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Warnings: swearing

Word count: 2,156         

“Did you kidnap a child?”

“I can ex- wait what? Of course I didn’t! Why would you think that?”

“Well, for starters, you just came home with a random kid! What were-”

“Dad. I didn’t kidnap anybody, especially Arthur,” you said exasperated. “It started when I was leaving the village.”

And so, you told your dad about how you met Arthur. Needless to say, he was furious. “(Y/n) (m/n) Minecraft, you yelled at a child? Not just a child, but an orphan that was so clearly in need of help?! I raised you better than that.”

“Dad, I know that yelling at kids is wrong. Just-just let me finish.”

He gave you a wicked side eye and nodded at you to continue. “So then he told me that he was alone. That he had no family. I couldn’t just leave him out there Dad. He would’ve been alone in the city. Hell, he’s been alone for god knows how long already” you ran a stressed hand through your already messy hair. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask you if he could crash here-”

“(Y/n).”

“-but he could’ve got hurt! The village’s dangerous at night-”

“(Y/n).”

“Do you know how many people get mugged there just in a day? God, I can’t imagine him getting hurt, he’s so young and-”

“(Y/n) (m/n) Minecraft.” Your hand froze in your hair. “...Yeah?”

“It was a good idea to bring him here. But there’s gotta be someone out there looking for him.”

“I really don’t think so Dad. You saw him when I brought him here, he looked like he didn’t get a proper bath in months! Even if he did have someone, I’d rather him be here instead of with the bastards that left him like that.”

He sighed. “You’re right. I remember when I found you when you were a baby. Your biological parents were awful, they ignored you. I found you on the porch, they must’ve left you there overnight. You were filthy and you were so small and fragile. I remember being so pissed that they treated you like that, but they never gave me their names.”

You squinted at him. “You’ve never told me that. You told me that you found me in an alleyway.”

“I didn’t want to tell you how I actually found you, it was never important for you to know.”

“What do you mean it’s not impor-” you stopped yourself. That’s not important right now. “We’re going to talk about this later. Right now, we need to talk about Arthur before he gets out of the shower.”

Glancing at the clock, you felt worry engulf your being. “Speaking of, he’s been in there a while, do you think he’s okay?” You felt your heart drop. “What if he slipped!” You stood up in a panic. Philza pulled you back onto the bed giving you a knowing look.

“He’s okay hun. Remember, he’s probably just enjoying the shower.”

You bounced your leg. “You’re right, you’re right… What’s with that look?”

“What look?”

“That look.”

“I just think-”

You heard a knock on your door and a small voice calling your name. Immediately jumping up and forgetting about the conversation, you opened your door. 

“Hey buddy, have a good shower?”

He yawned, rubbing at his eye with a closed fist. The pajamas he wore were slightly too big, but he would grow into them. His auburn hair that he came in the house with was now a brilliant copper color and you could now make out freckles dotting his pale cheeks.

“Mhm.”

You softly smiled at him and grabbed his hand leading him to Wilbur’s old room since it had the comfiest bed. You helped the small-statured boy into the large bed and he flopped down without pulling the covers over himself. You huffed in amusement, pulling the soft blankets out from under him and tucking him in.

You spoke in a calm voice, not wanting to disrupt the peace that engulfed the room. You gently brushed the hair out of his face. “Sleep well, Artie.”

As you stood up and turned to walk away, he grabbed the back of your shirt. Glancing back, you saw that he had his eyes groggily half-open and he stared at you blearily. “Stay?”

Oh, you couldn’t say no to that. Feeling your heart melt, you whispered “of course buddy.” You pulled up an old chair and sat next to the bedside holding his small hand in your larger one. He was out like a light. 

He was so small for his age. It was probably because of the malnutrition from being homeless, and that broke your heart. Your poor, poor baby.

…Wait.

Wait.

Your poor baby? What the fuck were you thinking? This child doesn’t even know you, you only met him earlier in the day. And yet, you already felt affectionate towards him. You wanted to protect him from danger. Why were you feeling like this?

You heard the door creak open and a small sliver of light streamed into the room. Philza poked his head through the small crack in the door. He smiled at you when he saw you sitting next to Arthur holding his hand as he slept. Reaching in an arm, he gestured for you to follow him before slipping out and closing the door.

Reluctantly, you slowly let go of the boy’s slender hand and quietly opened the nightstand drawer. You pulled out a pen and paper and wrote a quick note for him in the morning in your messy handwriting.

“Arthur, when you wake up, Philza and I’ll be downstairs making breakfast. Hope you like bacon and eggs : )

-(Y/n)”

You placed the paper on the nightstand where you hoped that Arthur would see when he woke up and quietly left the room. Philza leaning against the wall greeted you. He was smiling softly at you. He once again gestured for you to follow him downstairs.

Philza felt ecstatic that you were going to give him another grandson. Even if you would inevitably deny being a parental figure to Arthur, he knew that you were going to accept it sooner or later. He raised you, so he should know when you deeply care for someone. Arthur and you both shared a love for innovation and creativity, so he knew that you two would bond over that. He felt like soaring high in the sky. He was so happy that there’s going to be another addition to the family soon. 

He sat you down onto the couch and disappeared into the kitchen. A few moments later, he came back with two steaming mugs of hot chocolate. Your favorite.

“Thanks.”

“Anytime hun.”

You both sat in a comfortable silence on the couch and stared into the crackling flame in the fireplace. The fire swirled with various reds, oranges, and yellows illuminating the living room. You closed your eyes for a brief moment, savoring the flavor of the chocolate and the smell of smoke with the fire popping in the background. You felt relaxed.

“So, how’s Tommy and Wilbur? Are they adjusting well to L’manberg?”

“Oh, they’re thriving. Wilbur’s a natural leader so he’s in his element and Tommy’s always exploring with Tubbo. They get into trouble sometimes, but they always come back in one piece, so I’m not worried about them. They’re having fun.”

“And you?”

“I set up my new workshop next to the capitol building. I think I’m gonna start selling some of the stuff I make, I think it’d make a decent profit.”

“I think that’s a great idea. Ya know that the people in the village are crazy about you, right?”

You groaned, dragging your hand down your face tiredly. “How could I not? I hate it.”

“Why would you hate it? They really admire your work, you should appreciate that.”

“Dad, I do appreciate that they admire my work, but do you remember how they treated me when I first went there after I lost my wing? They treated me like a fucking outcast. And now they’re acting like they actually know me and that they were always friends with me. I know everybody deserves a second chance, but I can’t help but feel like they’re on thin ice.” 

“People change hun. Maybe they realize that how they treated you was wrong and they want to make amends?”

“That’s the thing. They’re only treating me like this only because of my inventions. I can only tolerate it for so long. I don’t even know why they’re treating me like this, I’m not special. I’m just another person.”

“...You aren’t gonna let a few two-faced people ruin your vacation, right?”

“No.”

His cheeks slowly stretched into a smile. “Why? Who are you?”

“I’m (y/n)?”

“I said who. Are. You?”

You spoke up a little more confidently, but kept your voice down. “I’m (y/n) (m/n) Minecraft.”

He quietly laughed. “Damn right you are. You’re ‘(Y/n) Minecraft, Conqueror of the Unknown’. You’re (y/n) goddamn Minecraft and don’t you forget it.”

You chuckled. “You read that book? ‘(Y/n) Minecraft, Conqueror of the Unknown’ was a bit too dramatic for my taste.”

“Why wouldn’t I read something all about my precious little inventor?” He drug out with an overly sweet tone.

“Dad, I’m 20 years old. I’m not little anymore.”

He slung an arm across your shoulders and pulled you into his side. “I know, I know, but you’ll always be my child.”

You sighed and leaned into him. You haven’t spent any time with him since you left the house to help Wilbur and Tommy fight for independence, so this felt nice. “I missed you Dad.”

“Not a day goes by where I don’t miss you or your brothers. It’s way too quiet around here without you four.”

“Do you remember when Tommy put green dye in the shampoo to try and prank me?”

An almost silent laugh reverberated throughout his chest, sounding slightly muffled. “Of course I do. It took at least a few weeks to get it off my skin and a full month after that to get it out of my hair.”

“You should’ve seen his face when I walked into the kitchen in the morning,” you deepen your voice. “‘If you’re not in the shower, then who is?’ Aaaannd then you walked into the kitchen looking like you lost a fight with a witch.” You snorted. “You didn’t know why everyone was staring at you.”

He huffed. “You guys didn’t even tell me until after breakfast.”

“Have you seen yourself in the mornings? You’re literally so grumpy. We didn’t have a death wish.”

“Hey, I’m not that bad in the morning, Mx. I-can’t-function-without-eight-hours-of-sleep.”

“At least I’m fully awake in the morning.”

“Oh, wow, what a zinger,” he said in a monotone voice.

You reached up to playfully slap his arm. “Shuddup.”

You both quietly laughed before the room fell back into a comfortable silence. You took a deep breath. “Arthur knows about The Warden. What it did to me”

You felt him tense up and heard his heart start to beat a little faster. He moved his arm away and leaned back to look you in the eyes.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. He said that he knew what happened and he needed my help. He… he said that The Warden took someone important to him.”

“Was it his paren-”

“I don’t know. I’m going to talk to him about it tomorrow.”

“Do you want me to talk to him with you?”

“I don’t know if Arthur’s comfortable with that yet. I’m not even sure if he trusts me enough to tell me.”

You grabbed your’s and Philza’s empty mugs and took them to the kitchen. You ran your hands down your face. You felt very drained after everything that happened today. You weren’t used to so much human interaction, let alone people staring at you like you were some kind of deity when you weren’t. You leaned against the sink and closed your eyes. 

“(Y/n), I’m turning in for the night. Is there anything you need before I go to bed?”

“No, thank you Dad.”

“Alright, goodnight. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

You heard his retreating footsteps gradually fade out and the room was thick with silence yet again. The darkness in the room was cut by the moonlight streaming in through the window. Your mind was racing as you remembered that you were going to have to talk to Arthur about The Warden soon. 

You hadn’t talked about The Warden for years and now you were being forced into it. You didn’t think you were ready. You wanted to move on with your life, but The Warden was inevitable. It was everywhere around you. It won’t ever leave you alone, will it?

You didn’t think you were going to get much sleep tonight.

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