#being the source of that makes me pretty uncomfy

[ingo-ingoing-ingone]

Would it be alright to ask you advice on curating my fandom experience? Regarding avoiding b///kshippers and the like, unfortunately. I don't know who else to ask, unless you or your followers know of someone? I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.

I guess so, yeah! Would be easier if you're off anon, admittedly, or on discord or the like. I'm not sure what specific info I can give tbh?

I can give some general advice though

Block people if you don't like them, and mute/block terms you don't like. Use filters liberally.

This is the internet, things that should not exist unfortunately do, and we cannot change what others do. It's not worth your time and energy or mental health to try and change other's minds on this, i promise.

Personally, I prefer to block and mute individual people instead of filter tags or block terms. I'd rather catch and block the source, so I can keep certain people from interacting with my blogs or fics. Some people would simply rather not see anything at all, so block and filter anything associated with it. It's genuinely up to each person.

But remember this IS and will always be the internet. The unfortunate truth is that you WILL see stuff you don't want to, sometimes in the least likely of places. Sometimes people won't tag. Sometimes it'll ruin your day. But if you wanna engage with fandoms and media online, you have to know this, and you have to be able to decide when the risk is not worth it.

It sucks, it really sucks that this is how it is, but it is :(

But yeah! Know what works for you! Block people! Block tags! That's genuinely the best thing to do, and at the end of the day almost all you CAN do. At least it's a powerful tool.

Good luck anon! If you need more specific advice you can ask, though it's no guarantee i'll have an answer

(Oh, another thing I suggest is, if it's a fandom like submas that has big presences in other languages, if you cannot speak those languages find the tag for the ship or whatever it is you don't like IN THAT LANGUAGE and block it

In english, if I see ship art I don't want to see, I can easily read the tag and block the artist. In japanese, I cannot read the tags, so blocking the tags helps me not see it because as we all know, sometimes it's hard to recognize what's a ship art piece and what isn't!

It's not foolproof, but it definitely helps me avoid artists I cannot read the tags of, and find artists that don't create stuff like that! because I personally love finding cool art from all over the world, despite not being able to read it.)

[kkami-writes]

waiting for us — chapter thirty seven. laser tag cw. derogatory language/slurs. wc 701 + 4 ss a/n. I do want to be clear that I am part of the lgbt+ community and have been called these things which of course isn't like? an excuse to say that like I can say it? though I think people should be able to reclaim their slurs but. ANYWAY the point is, I have censored it but if it makes people uncomfy, I can fully censor!!

After Felix had stopped pouting he had showered you in compliments, genuinely impressed at how you were able to get the plushy in two tries. He pretends to bow down to you.

“All hail the claw queen!!!!” You snort at his silliness before trying to pull him up, hoping no one was watching the two of you.

“Oh my god, stop it!! Lix!”

“What?? I’m just giving my respects to my new queen,” Your eyes roll playfully, nudging him softly.

“So, what should we name our son?” You question as you point to the duckling plushy he was holding. Honestly? It reminded you of the pretty boy.

Felix on the other hand was absolutely melting on the inside. The fact that you had called the plush “our” son. Why were you so adorable? He could feel himself falling more in love with you, every second he spent with you.

He clears his throat. “What about bbokari?”

“As in…yongbokkie?” A sly grin tugs at your lips.

Felix groans. “Who told you??!”

A giggle falls from your lips. “Minho let it slip,”

“Minho??? I expected Jisung or Hyunjin at least. They have big mouths. In more ways than one” Pink dusts your cheeks as you push the boy who only laughs at your shyness.

“Bbokari is cute though. I love it,” Felix just gives you that breathtaking smile.

“Oh!” Felix exclaims, pointing over towards the back of the arcade. “Look, they have laser tag. You down for a round?”

“It’s been forever since I’ve played. I’m down,” You nod, the two of you starting to make your way over there.

“Shall we make a wager?” You squint at Felix.

“What kind of wager?”

“Loser buys ice cream?”

“Oh you are SO on,”

And that’s how you find yourself in the dark arena, neon lights lining the floor as your only source of light. You were slightly directionally challenged so the maze like turns has made you very lost but you were still on guard, making sure to stay far away from Felix. It was just the two of you, trying to hunt each other down, taking your bet very seriously.

You’re hidden behind a wall, peaking your head out to see if you can catch a glimpse of his now raven hair. When the coast is clear you take a step to move to a new location, but a hand wraps around your wrist and pulls you back, pushing you up against the wall. Even though you were only a few inches shorter than the boy, you had felt so small under his gaze. Felilx has his hand slightly above your head, effectively caging you in.

He smirks down at you and you hate how attractive he looks under the neon lights.

“Well, well, well. Seems I’ve caught myself a pretty girl,” He hums, hand coming down to twirl a strand of your hair around his fingers. Felix’s grin becomes more cocky, canines peaking past his lips. “Give me a good reason why I shouldn’t shoot you right now,”

“Because I’m cute?”

“Hmm, that is a good answer…but is it good enough?” He pretends to think about it, but you take the chance while he’s momentarily distracted. You lean up to press your lips to his and Felix completely freezes, eyes comically wide. Before he can even consider kissing you back you’re tilting your gun, that’s been in your other hand, up so you can shoot him. His vest vibrates to signal that he’s been hit.

“Bye, bye~” You singsong before ducking under his arm and running away. This finally seems to pull him out of his stupor as he yells out after you.

“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait!! At least let me kiss you back!” Felix wails, chasing after you.

In the end Felix still wins but refuses to let you pay for ice cream and doesn’t give you a chance to argue.

The poor boy has been pouting the whole time about not being able to kiss you until you had let him actually kiss you. And perhaps that lead to the two of you making out in the backseat of his car.

But, you’d never kiss and tell. (But Felix certainly did).

previous | masterlist | next waiting for us taglist (50/50) send an ask or sign up here!: @abbiestearsricochet @boo-ven9eance @adorawritesalot @melleus @inlovewithallmusic @alnex05 @borahae-reads @zonked-times @yoonrimin @slay-and-gay @loverlixie @katsukis1wife @0325tiny @adestayskz @minhwa @littleaprilcherryblossom @soobery @lillithathecat @everglowdaisies @boi-bi-ahaha @popcatx0 @stayinhellevator @jaiuneamesolitaiire @enchantedgrunge @corrodedthorn @143lix @ashitshowforalot @xrvrqs @lynlyndoll @txtandroll @kawennote09 @liknws @ritzy-dream-boy @vampcharxter @jisuperboard @surefornext @puppy-minnie @freckleboilix @imwithurmother @turtledove824 @fylithia @toshijimafarms @hyunestrella @blackrowses @chlodavids  @reallysparklychaos @peachbokkie  @irantoyouwithoutthinking @sunnibearr @chili-crab0811

[a-b-riddle]

Hello !!

I had a little ask/request and you can say no if it’s uncomfy <3

As the summer comes closer, so do swimsuits and it’s something I’ve been dreading. I have a particular scar on my thigh of the initial of a really shitty ex of mine. That being said, I’ve worked past a lot however swimming scares me simply because someone always asks.

How do you think 141 would comfort reader who is feeling a little anxious abt others seeing it? I know scars are perfectly normal, it just gets rough bc of the abuse it stemmed from.

I think Johnny, Kyle and John would all reassure reader. They would be the ones to tell you that you're beautiful as is. If anyone gave you a sideways glance, they would be the ones to handle it. Offer their shirts as a cover when you ask.

They will be the ones to comfort you the only way they now how.

But Simon...

I can see it now.

For most of the time you've known Simon he has either been in his mask or at least a balaclava. And working alongside the 141 as their medic, you were always in your own gear. With the exception of some stress relief spent in the med bay or a medical supply office.

Or in Captain's office...

Or in the barracks with a certain Lieutenant and two Sargeants.

It's not until John throws a cookout in the country, near a lake that you had ever been so... exposed. You had decided that you won't sit on the sidelines. The rest of them were getting in and you weren't about to be the odd man out.

But you find yourself unable to leave the room John had escorted you to change. When Simon had been sent to check on you having just arrived and being the only one not in the water, he had called through the door asking if you were all right. You responded with a wobbly, "just a minute."

When you didn't come out, Simon went in.

You were sitting on the bed. Your hand instantly shooting to conceal your scar. Somehow you thought being bent over or having your ankles near their ears, they haven't noticed it. But Simon had.

He always took in every inch of you he could.

So when he saw what you were hiding, his eyes softened. "Look at me, Love." You sucked in an unsteady breath.

A scars marring his face. One cutting through a sandy blonde eyebrow. Another on his lip and another running across the ridge of his strong nose. A small one on his cheek.

And he was gorgeous.

This beautiful mountain of a man coming over to kneel between your legs. His calloused hand moved yours aside to take a look at it, running over the scar with his thumb gently.

Without permission, you did the same. Taking each other in for what felt like the first time.

He lowers himself closer, closer until his lips are hovering over it, the source of insecurity, before kissing it so softly. In a sound barely above a whisper, you hear words that make your stomach flutter before his lips start traveling closer to your clothed core.

"Our pretty girl."

[snarkythewoecrow]

I’m not even sure why it feels relevant or important to say this, as I don’t really know if it even matters to anyone outside of maybe my own need just to put it out there, but I'm gonna tell you a little bit about me

So, I’m in my forties now and so that means when I was a kid growing up in the 80s and 90s, I didn’t have things that my own kids do now, not in the same way, meaning that there wasn’t the exposure and access to resources and information and representation for all things queer (no connection to the world at our fingertips)

Now, I got along okay, quietly exploring and experimenting with other girls a bit as a teen in my tiny town in the middle of nowhere, but being bisexual isn’t really the thing on my mind rn, more just a footnote

See, I had a strained relationship with my gender from so early on, yet I didn’t have any of the words to express this at the time, and it wasn’t until after trying my damnedest to be a woman, doing the shit that women were supposed to do, and then still having this sort of disconnect that I began to wonder what it was that didn’t fit within the puzzle—it became clear that the pieces I had might not all be from the same picture, after all, and it started me thinking

Spoiler alert, I’m still thinking, and it’s been years since that revelation, but that’s okay with me

Anyway, long story short, I was kid from a time without access to information and resources about gender and sexuality and all things queer or different--things that some want to silence and remove access to--and you know what? not being exposed to people from different walks of life, not having access to information and resources about what being trans is and could be, not having those discussions, and not having the words to describe and understand my own experiences as I had them, well, let's just say that not having all those things didn’t change my reality or help me in the least

Though, most importantly, it didn’t make me less trans, it just made me a depressed and confused little kid, instead, one that, looking back, needed a fucking hug and something or someone to turn to for information or validation

See, there was a moment that stands out now, when I was pretty young, maybe around ten or so, the discussion of breast cancer had become a big thing at the time, lots of media attention highlighting the subject, and there was this daring commercial they'd started airing

It had these women standing in a row, all topless and proud without breasts, a testament to survival, and you know, the only thing I can remember thinking at the time was, “oh, maybe that could happen to me,” except, it wasn’t said in fear, but rather hope along with a dash of confusion and guilt, cuz until that moment, I’d never thought something like removing your breasts possible

So, yeah, guess I’m saying that erasing the resources and sources of care and support, knowledge and representation--just cuz it makes you uncomfy--won’t stop those things and people you dislike from existing

Because we were always here, there aren’t suddenly more trans kids, pretty sure there are about the same amount as always, just back then, when I was growing up, we didn’t have the words to describe ourselves or a place to look for help, but that doesn't mean we weren't there

[baradurus]

This is my love Letter/Appreciation post to the qsmp thumbler!since i saw so many ppl doing it

(Im kind of a lurker and have just recently become more activ RIGHT WHEN IT ENDED)

Anyways yall are such a nice community!And honestly a safespace for me its really fun to read all the silly shenanigans you come up with ,qsmp thumbler really cheers up my day and sometimes its even the Highlight of my day.

And some of you maynot know me since i am a lurker but i just want to say my appreciationto some ppl bellow the cut

(If i make anyone uncomfy with tagging them please do tell me and i will imeadiatly remove you)

To the artist

@ama-a93 I LOVE LOVE LOVE I JUST ADORE YOU ART ITS SOSO BEUTIFULL I JUST CANT i always get hyperaktiv when i See your beutifull art <3

@ddummy07 omg i cant even begin to describ how much i adore your content it soso amazing i love it so much i first saw you on tik tok and your Animations are just WOW

@lutraviolet your artsyle is so beutifull as is your art u always amazes me how beutifull it is whenever i look at it i think OMG IT SO PRETTYYYYYY at the same time i want all the Art you Post!

@acetheabnormal the backbone of the miscklikers i think i once sent an ask to tell you how much i adores your artstyle BUT IT SIMPLY WAS NOT ENOUGH YOUR ANIMATICS YOUR ART EVERYTHING IS SIMPLY TOP NOTCH evrrytime you post it fills me with joy

@vastlaundrybear im must say ,how much i adore your artsyle your animatics just simply everything ITS SO AAARGH i especally like your slimeccle Design (i also just adore your jrwi animatics) JUST YOUR ANIMATICS IN GENERAL ARE SOO ARRGHHH the transitions ,the lightning,JUST EVERYTHING

@thatonedogart omg i love itARRGHHH you keep me alive i live in jealousy of your greatness!!

@thatplankoverthere omg i love LOVE YOUR ART AREGHHH it simply is just so beutifull (you inspirw me to continue my traditional art journey!!)

now to the amazing artist and my mutal @smallz-o just muah everytime you Post i get happy you are a ray of sunshine to me i aprecviate you soso much and you have Motivation me to be way way more activ in the community (like also Posting art of my own and such<333)

@sadtrashking ARGHH YOUR ART IS SIMPLY SO CREATIV i love love love your takes on the qsmp memebers and turning them into animals(? Sry if thats not the right word)and omg your art is simply prefection i strive to one day be as creativ as you

@shen-mu your art is litterally SO SO GOOD ARRGHHH i just love your artsyle (and wth you post art so quik) it always Cheerleader my day up seing your art!!!

And since were on the topic of mutal

@fantasticflavor i love love love your Pixel art it inspires me so much AND WTH YOU ART IS SOSO PRETTY <333its an honor to be mutal with u!

@motshine i always love to See you in my notfications and your pfp is just so silly <3

@safetycap you are kinda like an Update source to me and i appreciate you very much!

@dragon-lady-owo it is always a pleasure seing that youve liked smt of mine and i apprecate you very very much!!!!!

@orquydia im very very glad that ive got to know you through our silly battel that started cus you liked my art and i decide to like smt of yours and then we had a littel like war (that i won)i apreciate you very very much and hope that our friendship continues to blossum i always enjoy our Talks about anything our minds can think of ( mostly robots)

@saltedcaramelchaos my beloved mutal! Although we dont talk much i appreciate you with every bone i have left your a very nice person from what i can tell and wish you the best!!

To ppl i stayed Updates through:

@royalarchivist you are a litteral livesafer to me no joke you have keep me updated on soso many things and i appreciate the work youve been doing :)

@hey-i-am-trying i appreciate you so so much and thank you for being such a cool person!

@anachronistic-falsehood you have also been a soucre of info to me and its alway cool to See you post <3

@starriknight believ it or not ive been staying updated through you and i appreciate all youve done for the community!!!

I hope i dident forget anyone! Have a nice day <333

[virtue1nvain]

SUPER-DUPER INTRO

You can refer to me as Belial :3

I am apart of the Alterhuman community ( I'm perfectly fine specifying what in DM's). PLEASE INTERACT IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR OTHERKIN OR THERIAN FRIENDS PLSPLSPLSPLSPLS!!!!!!! MY DISCORD IS VIRTUEINVEIN!!!! PLS FRIEND ME!!

I am 15, but don't mind minors or adults interacting with my posts or getting in contact as long as you're nice!!

FYI, I'm autistic!! So please be patient sometimes, I'm doing the best I can to keep up, but everyone around me seems to have SUPER long legs !!!

Unconnected announcement

MY COMMISSIONS ARE ALSO OPEN RN, PLS I NEED TO MAKE BANK IM BEGGINg

I am transmasc genderfluid and the pronouns I use primarily are he/him, they/them, xe/xem and it/its!!! Idm she/her either!

Fyi, if you don’t want to ask or are too nervous to: just use the pronouns typically associated with whatever kin I'm shifted as!

Im also a fictionkin! im happy sharing a list on in dm's or making a full list somewhere so it's easier to access! Feel free to follow, dm or send me a frq on discord if we're source/mediamates! Im fine with absolutely anything and anyone :3

My current interests or hobbies are honkai star rail, jujutsu kaisen, cosplaying, art, talking in general, singing, music, fnaf, the owl house, gravity falls, yaelokre, digital art, comics, most games, pressure, Equilibrium, and some other things!!

I'll pretty much block if anyone follows me and I don't like what I see, I do this for my own comfortability though, so if I do block you don’t take it personal!!

Heres a list of things that will get you a one-way ticket to PERMANENTLY BANNED AND BLOCKED town!! (See below)

DNI if you're racist, xenophobic, lgbtq+phobic, terf/radfem, misogynistic, sexist, transmed, proship/anti-anti, darkship, map/pedo, zoophile/zoo, pro-contact para (? I forget what it's called sometimes, I think this is the right term?), anti-kin, anti-noncanon kin, system discourse, NSFW based accounts (idm if you post it sometimes but FULLY NSFW accounts make me uncomfy) anti-alterhuman/anti-otherkin, furry hunters/haters, support Melanie Martinez, support Dream, support Iskall, support Wilbur, thinspo/pro-ano or trans-med!!

Current kinshift(s): CUTEGUY/GRIAN (HERMITCRAFT AND LIFE SERIES)

I'm perfectly fine being treated, associated and recognised as my kins! Go wild!

[thepunkmuppet]

UNHOLYVERSE CLOSING THOUGHTS YIPPEEEE YIPPEE YIPPEE

it’s 1am and I’ve finished it :)

the plot was fucking amazing as was the writing, it was like a really really good tv show, or maybe an amazing movie (pt1) and its slightly more deranged sequel (pt2 and 3). I think I definitely preferred all things unholy as a whole, but yeah the next parts really did feel very sequel-like, in that the first one was The Story and the second and third were building on that first core story, expanding the characters and world. which ummmm btw the lore is insane??? so much going on lmfao but I think it all worked really well. the fallout boy stuff was fucking wild though icl because WHAT 💀 I’m also obsessed with the idea of god talking to frank in the form of the cardinal dream, that worked soooo well and still leaving it open at the end is great. I’m so glad frank and gerard got a happy ending, I ship those stupid twats SO hard I’m literally clawing at the walls they make me INSANE RRAAHHHH!!! icl I really didn’t care about mikey and ray’s romance like at all but it worked as a source of conflict and was pretty cute

I kind of forgot it was meant to be mcr fanfic for a while lmfao, which brings me on to I guess the most important part which is my main takeaway on the whole rpf thing

as I’ve said in a post before, I really struggle to picture voices and faces accurately in my head when reading. well except when it comes to buffyverse characters, but that’s just because those shows are so deeply ingrained into my psyche forever that istg I could literally channel buffy summers at this point and just become her. lmfao but yeah I really struggle with that! so when I’m reading, I just kind of create a vibe, a vague mind’s-eye image of a character, it’s very hard to explain. so for me these frank, gerard, mikey, etc characters were subconsciously already way far removed from the real people, like I had to consciously make an effort to make them sound and look exactly like them in my head. but like I said, it felt like a real piece of media like a tv show or something, so to me the unholyverse characters are just that - characters. it really felt like mcr playing movie roles lmfao which I was perfectly happy with. the romance and other relationships were written soooooo well, the real problem was ofc the smut!

I don’t like smut in general, not in a judgy or censor-y way, I just get no joy or kick out of reading it and all it does is make me feel awkward. but with rpf smut, even though I see unholyverse frank and gerard as fictional characters, I can’t ignore the fact that THIS IS FULLY EXPLICIT WHAT IS ESSENTIALLY PORN BEING WRITTEN ABOUT REAL PEOPLE 💀 read it write it all you want, personally I find it uncomfortable and it just doesn’t do anything for me. made me think too much about the fact that it WAS rpf, yk?? got me thinking about the real frank and gerard and how fucking weird it would be to read smth like that about yourself idk, also the fact they have wives and kids…. 😟 gosh idk it was very very well-written smut, it just made me so icked out the more I thought about it

but anyway, OVERALL: I loved it. it was so good, will definitely reread, bookmark, and think about it for a very very very long time. possibly scream and cry and tear my hair out too, idk. part 1 was my favourite by a long shot, it’s so iconic, and feels pretty removed from parts 2 and 3 in a nice way that makes it feel like a movie and its strange sequel. I’ve discovered I like rpf when it’s good and when it’s a complete au and the people feel like original fictional characters in their own right. I don’t enjoy rpf smut, though, AT ALL, which isn’t a surprise bc I don’t enjoy smut in general, the rpf aspect just made it way more uncomfy for me personally. kind of feel the need now to bleach my brain out and consume normal mcr content just to remind myself of the disconnect between unholyverse frerard and the real people lmfao

OH ALSO THAT

I do NOT ship frerard irl, that shit’s fucking weird don’t do it. yes there is a difference between fic like this and saying two married friends and colleagues in real life are actually in love with and attracted to each other. I do for sure ship unholyverse frerard, as I’ve said they’re fictional characters to me

[angycryptid]

this is a little bit of a vent post but also a call for help/resources, so please dont hesitate to respond, esp if you have a cluster A disorder

I think that i might have a cluster A personality disorder, and ive been researching on my own to try and figure out what (some medical websites, reading the dsm requirements, skimming through related tags on tumblr to gain insight on personal experiences, etc.)

I find it really hard to look for resources on specific experiences and how forms of it can present differently, along with information about co-morbidities (I have autism and GAD), especially with the fact that most of the traits (esp in medical works) are more external and dont mention internal experiences. (a lot of the traits ive noticed in myself are very internal [for example when i was in 6th grade i wholeheartedly thought i was going to present rabies symptoms and die due to a cat scratch for roughly 4-6 months and I still would not tell anyone, and as far as i can tell i seemed completely normal from the outside] so I dont even know if I could figure out whether I have one or multiple of these unless I knew about internal experiences and alternate presentations)

I really only started thinking about this bc i had a pretty bad panic attack caused by paranoia a little over 2 months ago, and, combined with reflecting upon other experiences, I realized that the paranoid tendencies/thoughts that i was experiencing were a lot worse than i thought, and i wasn't even sure that it was possible for those to be fully explained by a combo of autism and GAD, so i started looking into PPD and later cluster A disorders as a whole, but I had a hard time finding good resources and it doesn't help that a lot of sources constantly say that people with personality disorders cant actually realize that they may have them.

also side rant, as an aro person, it pisses me off so much that one of the diagnostic criteria for PPD is directly tied to partner infedelity bc like, I genuinely dont know whether or not i would be paranoid about that bc the thought of myself in a romantic relationship makes me generally uncomfy. (if being paranoid that your friends seceretly have a crush on you and are waiting for the right time to tell you bc they think that they'll be the one to change you is hittting the underlying point of the criteria then i got that shit in the bag)

anyhoo, if youve read this far, thank you for listening to me ramble and you deserve your favorite candy bar and a hug/highfive/handshake/frendly wave/whatever other form of affection you're comfy with.

[devilscreekballad]

As a Mexican with a Mexican character, I liked the way you implemented choosing race and the little tidbits thrown in! It feels realistic without being too heavy to enjoy. The only thing I didn't like was if you choose to be married to Charlie it has a bit of dialog about people "down there" not taking kindly to an unmarried woman. I'm pretty positive it's just a blanket interaction based on where you're from but it was just a bit uncomfy.

I absolutely adore this story, by the way!!! I didn't realize how much I actually like westerns until I played it. It kind of opened up a whole genre for me!!! I know it's been tough lately, but I want you to know that no matter how bad things feel, Devil's Creek has been a huge source of joy in my life 😊

Yes, the comment on 'down there' is a blanket thing, and will be removed/reworded in the update, cause yeah, not the best phrasing in context.

As for the 'picking the details' that will stay, but be moved to later. In the update the initial choice will determine what others would see the MC as (or well, what MC muses Lynwood sees them as). If that makes sense Dx

edit: Seriously, am I making sense here?

[wttcsms]

sorry if you're not comfortable answering this, but I saw you say that you've been diagnosed with depression. how did you know when to seek help?

tl;dr: from a young age, i never lived a healthy lifestyle with an easy pace. i (and maybe even my family) put too much pressure on me, and i never really coped with it in a healthy manner. my attempt at handling things "with ease" and "not stressing" was actually just me bottling up my emotions, and it's not until things started getting really bad that i finally sought help.

nothing uncomfy abt it at all! discussion of mental health is pretty important! tbh, i never thought i would have depression or be diagnosed with it; i started showing symptoms for around a year before i started really thinking to myself, hey, i think there might be something up with me mentally and this isn't just some silly, quirky thing i'm going through. ever since i was around 18, i went through great lengths to ensure i would achieve maximum academic success but while being a full-time college student and consistently working 60+ hours a week (70+ during the summer bc my junior year internship was so intense; i also went to college 2 years early, so i think that's when the internal pressure to "do well in life" began) was taking a massive toll on me mentally and physically. i would survive off of 4-5 hours of sleep, consume concerning amounts of caffeine, i was losing hair, i was losing drastic amounts of weight, i was breaking out and breaking down, and even when i got better, i still wasn't fully ever healed from that experience purely bc my schedule just never slowed down.

i am still a full-time student, i am still working 7 days a week, leading to 60+ hours (40 hours internship, 20 hours at my weekend part-time job). on top of that, i am in the second to last semester of my grad school, i help out around the house bc after my older sister moved out, i took over the eldest daughter duties, i am still holding myself to a very high standard academically (already planning to apply to phd programs, studying for the cpa exam, already have another summer internship lined up). i knew things were getting bad because 1) i am finally older (im abt to turn 21! yay!) and i realized that the lifestyle i'm living isn't healthy and 2) a lot of my behaviors didn't feel "normal" to me anymore. it finally hit me around two months ago, when i realized that i sort of lost my love for fanfiction. i've been in a weird mood where i didn't want to read any fanfic whatsoever, but i chalked it up to being "too busy" and focused on other things. when i couldn't even find the energy to read my own mutual's fanfic, i knew something was up bc i always try to power through and remain enthusiastic on my friends' behalf. more behaviors that were a cause for concern:

my disinterest in everything that brought me joy previously. sweet treats at the end of the day, coffee before work, buying makeup from sephora, cleaning my room (sounds silly, but i love having a clean living space and cleaning my room used to be a source of peace and joy for me), writing fanfiction, reading books, watching youtube videos, catching up on shows that would release weekly and that i used to count down the days to watch — none of it held my interest. i wasn't excited, i didn't care.

it wasn't just a lack of joy from things i loved, either. rejections from programs i looked forward to/rejections from opportunities, abysmal grades in class, looming deadlines that i most likely wouldn't make, growing assignments on my work to-do list; none of this elicited a reaction from me. there was no stress (that i was feeling; subconsciously, i think the stress was still there and i just refused to acknowledge it), but there also wasn't disappointment or sadness. i had no emotional response to anything, and that was very concerning to me, and the main reason i contacted my sister and then her boyfriend (who is a licensed psychiatrist)

i could sleep for 12+ hours a day. there are many days in the week where all i want to do is rot in bed. not even in a "go on my phone and dick around in bed" type of way, either. i would have certain days where i couldn't leave the bed. sometimes, i wouldn't even feel tired, but i would just sleep. my internship is wfh and if it was a slow day with no assignments, i would clock in and spend that whole day in my bed, sleeping. it got to the point where i wish work was busy so i would have something to force me out of bed. yes, i would be aware of my tiredness sometimes, but this felt different altogether. i just wanted to basically hibernate lol.

i had constant headaches. i thought it was because of the nature of my job, where i look at computer screens all day, or maybe it was bc i wasn't drinking enough water. i would also get unexplainable cramps sometimes.

tmi, but little to no pleasure and an extreme decline in interest in sex

i had extreme issues with focusing on work and studying; a lot of my work (and school materials) centers around thinking through problems and applying tax law or guidance to certain situations.

my diet fluctuated; some days, i wouldn't want to eat, yesterday, i gorged myself on food, eating to the point where even i had to pause and go wtf.

not very often was i randomly sad, nor did i ever want to kill myself or self-harm; when i was a teenager (17/18) and probably showing signs of depression, i was very irritable, angry, sad, and had suicidal thoughts, thought i was worthless, an idiot, etc. however, i mostly just feel empty and apathetic during my episodes now.

what helped me seek help was knowing that my behaviors and how i was feeling didn't feel healthy, but also, my best friend recently shared her diagnosis with me and i would have never thought she would be depressed. my sister's bf was also a major help in getting me comfortable to consider the possibility of having a mental illness and also in finding someone to talk to. hope this helps!

edit: forgot to mention it, but i exhibited many/all of those symptoms for around the past 3 months before ever seeking help. those behaviors started manifesting tremendously and seriously disrupting my daily life, and i knew i needed to do something to get my life back on track.

[hoppipolla]

I’m curious, what did you think of the first two episodes of jazz for two?

Hi Shawn! I’m sorry for the late reply but I wanted to take my time to write you my answer to your ask.  

Here are my thoughts on the first six eps (I was able to watch the next four eps in the meantime so I thought why not share more than what you’ve asked ><).

Let’s start with the things I don’t really like to end on a nice note.

Doyoon

I’ve told you before but I think he’s the most interesting character from the webtoon and I have mixed feelings with the way he was written in the drama adaptation. I feel like Hangyeom has a pretty solid understanding of the character so I’m blaming the writing on this one.

In the webtoon, I feel like Doyoon is the kind of character you easily misunderstand at first glance. He looks like the typical guy who acts first and thinks later. Although he appears easy-going, he’s also really attentive and thoughtful so whenever he does something, he’d think of the consequences first. He catches on quickly and since he’s attentive, he notices things that most people miss. That’s why I couldn’t comprehend why the screenwriter chose to make him look for his best friend’s house for a whole afternoon. That makes no sense to me. Taeyi is his best friend. Of course he’d know his address.

Doyoon and Jooha’s romance

One of the things that bothers me most about this drama is the pacing and the way the story unfolds.

I’ve never been a fan of Jooha but I think the webtoon makes you sympathise with him a bit more than the drama.

In the webtoon, you first get Jooha’s backstory, then you get Doyoon’s pov and learn that he likes him. The fact that the drama chose to first show Jooha being all weird and cruel and then proceeded to let us hear Doyoon’s thoughts about his feelings for him made me uncomfy. It makes it look as if Doyoon is in love with a bully and it’s just messed up. Jungha is a bully but he’s also someone who’s completely lost and doesn’t know what to do with all the feelings he has stifled inside. He’s not emotionally mature and it really shows in his behaviour. Doyoon falls in love with him because he sees right through him. Because he can see the man Jooha can be and he chooses to believe in him. But the drama doesn’t make that clear and so it kinda ruins the romance between the two of them. The source material isn’t helping to be honest because their romance is quite unhealty at the beginning. The drama toned it down but, in the past, Jooha didn’t break Doyoon’s elbow or wrist, he broke his ankle! Imagine how violent this is. And then the webtoon went on showing Doyoon being all forgiving because he knows that deep down Jooha regrets it and that Jooha has things to figure out and Doyoon is aware of it so it’s all good. I’m being a bit mean here but it’s quite ridiculous to be honest. Doyoon plays basketball and practices hard so imagine having a broken ankle. What Jooha did was plain cruel.  

But it’s really fun seeing Hangyeom act. Plus, his acting is quite natural. I hope he’ll get more opportunities to improve his skills!

I’m also a bit bitter because their first kiss was so rushed. It happens much later in the webtoon and the stakes are different.   

Storytelling

Another thing I don’t like is how they make everything so obvious. You’re not supposed to know that Doyoon likes Jooha from episode 1. The way they made Doyoon’s gaze linger on Jooha… They really didn’t have to make it that obvious. It’s as if the director was scared we wouldn’t get the hints. So, he didn’t give us a choice and made sure we got the message. (How could we not get it?)

I wouldn’t call Taeyi and Seheon’s romance a slowburn but they do take a bit of time to understand their feelings. However, the opening scene is them looking as if they’re kissing. Again, why make things so obvious from the very start? This drama has only 8 eps so things are bound to happen fast. There was no need to spoil the romance between Taeyi and Seheon so early on. Everyone is expecting it anyway so I don’t know what the director thought it would add to start with such a scene.

Cinematography

I know it’s the same directing team as A Shoulder To Cry On but there are so many similar shots. It doesn’t feel like a directing style. It just feels lazy, as if the director has copy-pasted shots and thought no one would notice. (again)

The cinematography is okay but I keep on noticing similarities and it bothers me a bit, hence my rather harsh comment.  

But I’ve watched till ep 6 so I’ve obviously enjoyed some bits!

The cast

I think the casting director did a great job choosing the four main actors. Jin Kwon is the perfect Seheon: his facial expressions fit the character so well. They’re the perfect match.

In the webtoon, Taeyi has the saddest eyes. He wears a mournful expression and although it took me a while to warm up to the artist’s style, I was touched by the way they drew Taeyi’s forlorn look. I think Ho Geun does an okay job overall. There are some moments where he perfectly pulls it off though (the scene where he looks at old videos of his brother for instance or when he looks at Seheon who has fallen asleep next to him).  

Ho Geun makes me like Taeyi way more than when I re-read the webtoon (I don’t remember if I liked him on my first read) although I don’t really know why ><

I like Joo Ha’s micro-expressions and his presence matches with how I imagined Jooha would behave (his voice, his body language, etc.).

The plot

The drama changed the whole plot of the webtoon and I don’t mind it. The webtoon doesn’t have a plot per se. That’s why there are so many kissing scenes that act as fillers (imo). The plot is basically the characters’ journey and their development.

So, I liked that they added the whole ensemble project in the drama. Very dramatic (Taeyi’s entrance I mean) but it was fun to watch.  

Not sure if you’re interested in these but here are some differences between the webtoon and the drama:

If I remember correctly, Seheon was never home-schooled nor was he made to study classical music. I don’t think his brother was ever mentioned either.

Doyoon doesn’t play the drums.

Seheon thought Doyoon and Taeyi were a thing, not Jungha and Taeyi. (I feel like my wording is confusing… Hope you got my point!).

The rooftop is Doyoon and Taeyi’s hiding place to smoke.

Seheon’s mom forbade him to play the piano that’s why he only practiced at school.

Joohee is much more fleshed-out in the drama than in the webtoon and I appreciate that!

The first song Seheon plays is “Autumn Leaves” which was Taejoon’s (Taeyi’s brother) favourite song. That’s why Taeyi reacts so strongly when he hears Seheon playing.

Taeyi’s uncle appears much later in the webtoon.

Joohee’s gives Taeyi’s overcooked cookies and not chocolate and it’s funny because Doyoon and Seheon end up tasting them and it tastes so bad that Seheon forces Taeyi to eat one as well.

This got way too long. I’m so sorry >< I’d love to hear your thoughts on this drama as well!

[asenarieka]

Please read this before following!!

Helloo~

♡ Astrid / Envy ♡ Autistic ♡ Non - Binary ♡ Asexual ♡ Self-shipper ♡ Fictionkin ♡ They/She ♡

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

I'm Astrid but feel free to call me Asena or Envy.

I'm Autistic and Bipolar so I struggle a lot with understanding other people's emotions, my mood swings can also be rather extreme at times. I do not understand jokes and sarcasm unless I know you so using tone indicators would help a lot.

I mostly make OC x Canon or Envy content using various 3D softwares like Source Filmmaker, Blender, MMD and VRM Posing!

I sometimes upload VRChat stuff as well.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

If it’s not obvious already, I’m a self-shipper. I only have one f/o which is my Envy from Fullmetal Alchemist, despite them being evil and all that, they have been a huge support for me through some really tough times. I’m also a fiction kin, where I also kin Envy. We share a very similar mindset and we’re both outcasts of our Family. (kinda referring to 03 Envy here) and we're both extremely jealous over other people. I tend to 'switch' into Envy at times, sometimes I'm aware but sometimes I have no idea. I have not yet been diagnosed with any form of a split personality disorder, but I'm working on getting a new therapist so we'll see. There is a possibility that I have a mild form of it but I'm not gonna make any claims until I have an actual answer.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

I will probably mostly upload content featuring Envy or from my ship Astrid x Envy. If you don’t like self-shippers then please just block me.

If you are also an Envy self-shipper then I kindly ask you to not interact with me, I’m sure you and Envy are absolutely adorable together, I’m just uncomfy with other Envy self-shippers. I already know I’m gonna get a lot of hate for that, but I mean no harm nor do I intend to be rude. I get easily jealous, it’s been a life-long problem so I doubt it’s gonna change anytime soon but I try not let it get the better of me. 

I self-ship to cope, I only have one f/o and they mean so much to me, my feelings and the connection I feel are very much real even tho it’s a fictional relationship. I believe it's a soulbond, that seems to make the most sense.

I have a few other kins which includes, Stiles Stilinski from Teen Wolf, Emma Swan from Once Upon a Time, Dean Winchester from Supernatural and a couple of others.

I’m Asexual and Demi Romantic, I will most likely block NSFW and Fetish accounts as I really do not like that stuff! It just makes me way to uncomfortable..

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

♡ Some things about me ♡

╰┈➤ I'm a selective mute, I do not talk much nor do I write much, I grew up pretty much alone so I never spoke much to anyone.

╰┈➤ Due to trauma from family and ex lovers, I get triggered and scared really easy. I do not feel comfortable going into details, I know i've spoken about it before but I don't remember how much I actually said. Because of Autism and trauma my mental age is different from my physical age.

╰┈➤ I'm not the type of person that trusts other easily, too many took advantage of that in the past.

╰┈➤ I may have "furry" like characters but I left the fandom quite a while back. No hate towards them, just got a bit uncomfy from some situations.

I have more info on my carrd: https://asenainfo2023.carrd.co

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

I do not know how active I’ll on here. I may just re-blog a lot of self-ship or Envy content. I’m honestly scared of being active on here.

Messages/Asks are disabled for my own safety!.

Art tags:

#asenarieka - All art

#envyxastrid - Selfship tag

#astridxenvy - 2nd selfship tag-

#astrid's rambles - My rambles and other weird stuff

#astridxenvy cai - Character ai stuffz

#envy my beloved - Envy tag

[0junemeatcleaver0]

Honestly has to get this out of my system because I'm mad (an advanced apology for my long rant, also thanks to the previous anon, you encourage me to do this finally). For a start, it's only been a few months that I discover the book through the series. Never like stuff about supernatural being like werewolves, vampires but I saw an edit of the series and it gives me a huge Achilles and Patroclus vibes so I give it a chance (still doesn't like about the vampires stuff because let's be honest, it would make it a far better series if they doesn't include it). And I usually much prefer to read so I want to see how the source material goes seeing how different the series and movie are, and...... I was never the same. That book is incredible and breathtaking, I fell in love with Louis so much because finally finallyyyyy I saw myself in a character. And then came the question "What's up with that series?" because let's be honest once again, with all the questionable thing it contains, the first two books (IWTV/TVL) are literally perfect. And I would pretty much support some changes like plantation owner, incest etc if they prefer to do so and badum it will still be a faithful adaptation that both book fans and new fans would probably love. Why not done that? And I think the book is a classic and modern in my honest opinion like come on, two guys raising a child for 60 years? What's more gayer than that? Those with trouble understanding how gay it is can rot away. And talking about that (please bear with me, I swear I'll be done soon), I don't like how the show focus so much on sex when the book's main attraction is more about the feelings they have, and neither like the nudity on screen so randomly (this is not meant to attack anyone, it's my personal opinion but an advanced apology if my words are lacking). And again, in my deepest opinion, the movie was so much more gay than the series atleast for me, and again for those who refused to acknowledge the homoeroticism in it can rot away, and yes I'm going to put the movie on the pedestal because it's the most faithful adaptation so far and that in the 90s? It totally deserve that recognition it deserves and I totally despise anyone blindly hating on it. I love love Lestat, Louis and Claudia in there, and this is probably an unpopular opinion but I prefer Brad Louis over Jacob Louis (just in case, not an attack to the actor, he's amazing with what he's given) and that's a great loss because no matter how I look, the way they let Jacob portrayed Louis is no longer the Louis I love from the book. Brad Louis is also lacking, but I could see Book Louis from his portrayal so that's that. I'm now forever going to keep the book as my no 1 and I'm absolutely going to hate anyone trashing on the books in favour of the show, you can dislike it, but don't go talking about comparing and decided the book is evil because it deals thing differently as compared to many books, know the context or I don't know *pulling their card* just don't read it because you have a certain liking to things and that's totally fine. And in my eyes, the show..... it's just a show which pulled some trope from different series instead of it's own source material (shocking right?) and trying to put itself as the most faithful ever when it can't even get the aesthetic right (sorry for being not sorry). And once again my hate to those who tell book fans they can't ever get the faithful adaptation they wanted so they must accept the show for that because duh, we sure can if handled properly by people who 'really care' and the book fans totally deserve that because as I said above, change a few stuff about it and it'll be a faithful and most greatest series ever about vampires.

While I disagree about being able to change things like the plantation and/or incest and have it still be faithful (it's gothic literature--you take the uncomfy stuff out, you change the genre, you change the whole vibe, you change the narrative), I do fundamentally agree with everything else you said, anon.

[thegoldenshi-shi]

I'm starting to think I was dreaming the last ask I sent... I swear, I vividly remember sending you an ask gushing about your art, how nice you are, and just rambling about what all has been going on in life, but man... /j

Also, sorry if it seems like I only send asks after tf art, I swear I love everything you do, but the transformers stuff is the only stuff I know anything about, so it's the only thing I really have confidence in blabbering about.

I did an oopsy and doordashed Timmy's to work today, so I got donuts and a breakfast bagel sandwhich to eat today. Good thing, too! I have been /HUNGRY/. We managed to ship out almost two hundred packages today, and that's with just three people who can pack, and one who can ship orders. I'm Super duper happy about it! Everything else has been absolutely crazy. I've decided to go through all my books in my closet, and the books on my shelves, and start bocing some in better shaped boxes, so I can donate them. Gonna end up checking with people I know if they want any first, though. Also gonna go through my stuffed animals, find ones that I'm not too attached to, and donate them too. After washing them first, of course.

I have also fallen into a hole of true crime podcasts, which I'm pretty surprised about. Cause, like. I don't like hearing about how bad people can be? I dislike people enough, I just. Don't wanna absolutely ruin my opinion on humans anymore. Like, I know there are good people out there, really really good people. But I also don't really like the vast majority of publicized humanity. You always hear about all the awful things... the worst of humanity shouts and screams their opinions, all the time. Broadcasts em to the world. And, it's difficult for the truly good people to be heard...

On a very much less heavy topic, my nephew is in town! I haven't seen him in about a year, so it's nice to see him. Even if small children make me super anxious and uncomfy. We're also looking at an August vacation, which I'll need to prep for cause I'm pale as a ghost and it'll be three days straight of being outdoors.

What've you been up to?

~Smooch

Hi there Smooch!

It's good to see you in my inbox again, I was starting to wonder how you were doing.

It sounds like you're having a good time of it, donuts for breakfast is a special treat hehe. And being busy at work is a good too, being productive is always a plus. It hasn't been that long since I went through my book collection, so I feel your pain there. Hoarding books (and drawing paper for some reason) is probably my one weakness in trying to keep my space tidy. I'm running out of shelves T_T

So far as your new interest in true crime podcasts, congratulations on finding a new source of enjoyment. If something intrigues you, I say don't let your preconceived notions about what you enjoy and don't enjoy. I must admit that I dislike podcasts myself, just because I can never focus on them, the same goes for audio books for some reason. But I do understand their appeal, and am always happy to hear someone is enjoying them. I hope you have fun on your vacation, I too am pale and require sunscreen if I go out without a good layer over my skin. Some of my friends have said I look like a vampire with my complexion and dark circles, which left me going "Thanks guys". I wish you no sunburn and good weather for your vacation!

As far as what I've been up to: I've been working on my webtoon, trying to figure out a schedule for making it that works, building up courage to actually post it and you know...actually get the financial stuff in place to start the business aspect of my art? hehe....

My main job has picked up for the season, so I'm switching gears and getting ready for less and less free time, and I'm trying to incorporate some classical music into my pianist job while bracing for spring-time "Special Music" rush.

Also, I don't mind that you only ask after my Transformers work. I don't expect anyone to enjoy every single thing I post, there are a thousand fandoms out there and it would be ignorant to expect everyone to know about all my interests.

[aealzx]

I wanna hijack this and drag it over into an inspiration web because I’m a sucker for gushing over people.

Base shoutout goes to my sis for telling me to watch the movie in the first place. |P

But aside from her the main people that got me into doing stuff for ROTTMNT are @happyfoxx-art and @starrcrossrose, who funny enough both work on huge projects titled The Aftermath, one in comic for and one in writing, but both equally amazing =7=

The one by happyfoxx is the first rottmnt fancontent I found that grabbed my attention (actually over on twitter, but then I was ecstatic to find she was on tumblr too) and I just gush because it has little fun moments sprinkled in but the main thing that grabbed my attention was actually the blunt focus on yeah there’s a crapload of fixing up that has to be done after the mess that was the movie, and it ain’t pretty, but they’re managing and it’s both so sweet and heart stabbing and I love it. My favorite so far is her ability to visualize feelings. Donnie being overstimulated, Leo being half conscious, etc, it’s amazing <3333 Also extremely huge shoutout to foxx because it was one of her comments that gave me the final push to actually draw and post my Better Genes comic. ;P So I have all the praise and affection for her. (she’s also my source of adopting Carol mama as a neurologist ehu)

The fic from starrcrossrose...... hoo boi, I need to lie down all the time for this one. X’DDDD Her fic focuses on physical healing too, but it’s heaaaavy with the mental side of the movie aftermath and hot dayum my heart goes through a cyclone spin on a laundry machine with some of these chapters. This fic is the first fic ever that made me legit cry water tears and not just mental tears, and the most recent update (Ch17) makes me want to break dimensional barriers so I can adopt these dumb children I’m so proud of. Star is a writing goddess to look up to.

And then I deliberately latched onto this post from trubble because while I’ve never interacted with them before their Bloodbath Au is actually on of two of the the only separated aus I follow (that’s why I saw this post) X’D I love the designs, of the boys, and the interesting dynamic of what if Splinter was the “evil” one. But also the comic format is easy to ready, and I love the flow, and the color splash finishing. But omg if i’m not reading with apprehension for it to get super uncomfy ‘cause boi these guys have problems this realm X’DDD I really like how well loved their AU is by them.

What made you excited to get back into TMNT again?

Well, I saw the movie and I thought, hey, I wonder if people draw anything cool. So I went on tumblr just to look at fanart. And within the first five minutes I stumbled upon "Replica" by @kathaynesart and "Bloodbath AU" by @trubblegumm and that was it~

I read that comics in one go and realized that I really wanted to dig into this fandom again:D

[greetings-and-salutations]

“Get Your F*cking Hands Off Her, A*shole!”

Eli “Hawk” Moskowitz x Reader

COBRA KAI CATCH-UP DUMP

Masterlist

(Gif not mine)

Requested? No

Summary: It was an unspoken rule around West Valley High that (Y/n) (Y/l/n) was completely and utterly off limits. No one dared test the boundaries when it came to that rule, for fear that her Mohawk-clad boyfriend would go all Cobra Kai on them. Of course, every now and again, a newbie didn’t get the memo…

Warnings: starred out swear words, overprotective Hawk, creepy dude making (Y/n) uncomfy, prejudice against “North Hills” with a substantial lack of reasoning to back it up 😬😂, lack of adherence to plot line of the source material

Pairing: Eli “Hawk” Moskowitz x Fem!Reader

IM SO SORRY THIS IS LATE 😬😬 I’m trying to get back on schedule as soon as possible, I promise! 👌👌👌

Eli Moskowitz and (Y/n) (Y/l/n) were in love. Everyone knew it, and, because of Eli’s status in their school’s hierarchy as “Hawk” the “Cobra King,” no one dared refute it. It was a system that worked. An unspoken line, if you will, that, when crossed, was swiftly dealt with. And the perpetrator never did it again. Hawk made sure of that.

But there were still some who, to them, the pretty girl in math class was simply the pretty girl in math class. Nothing more. No ties to a Mohawked gang leader, and certainly no harm in asking her out on a date this weekend. Perhaps to the movies? There was a pretty cool drive in just across town…

“That’s a bad idea.” Toby turned to look at the girl who’d spoken, an embarrassed expression on his face at having been caught staring, before he crossed his arms over his chest and scowled, in an attempt to cover it up.

“What?” He asked, glaring at her, annoyed by her unhelpful interjection in something that clearly didn’t involve her. He didn’t know who she was, being the new kid usually meant that was the case, but, Toby could already tell, whoever this girl was, she wasn’t someone he wanted to be spending his time with. She gave him the heebie jeebies, and not in the good way. Her face suddenly transformed into a smirk, before she gestured towards where his eyes had been trained just moments before.

“You’re staring at (Y/n) right?” She asked her own gaze taking in the sight of the girl at her locker just down the hall. Toby cringed a little, having hoped he’d been a tad more discreet, but this creepy girl had seen right through him.

“So?” He asked, defensively, wondering what exactly she wanted from him, landing on simply “picking on the new guy,” before she opened her mouth and spoke again.

“Yeah. That’s not gonna happen. Trust me, dude.” She replied, vaguely, but Toby just rolled his eyes, not believing her for a second.

“Who even are you?” He asked rudely, but the girl just laughed, an unsettling sound that left Toby’s skin crawling.

“Tory with a y.” She answered, as if he should know. (He didn’t.) “Listen, newbie.” She pouted sarcastically, before patting his shoulder. “I get it. You don’t know how things work around here.” Her patting ceased as she grabbed his shoulders, rather harshly turning him back towards the math class girl; towards (Y/n). “But I’m telling you right now, She’s not someone you wanna mess with.” Toby scoffed, his patience for this conversation wearing thin, as he pulled out of Tory’s grip.

“She seems harmless.” He said, before turning away from (Y/n) and towards his unwanted companion. “You, however, weird me out, so I’m gonna go talk to (Y/n). Bye, now.” He began to walk off, heading towards the girl’s locker and mentally psyching himself up as he did, before a loud voice called out after him.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you!” Tory yelled, but Toby just rolled his eyes again, before mumbling under his breath.

“You can’t tell me what to do, psycho…”

+ + +

“And then I told him that if he tried to do that again I was gonna take his face and-“

“Hey, Hawk!” The boy turned around when Tory’s voice sounded over the conversation, an annoyed look on his face at being interrupted.

“What is it?” He spat angrily, causing Tory to raise her hands in mock defense.

“Just thought you’d wanna know I just saw the new guy practically eye-banging your girl in the hallway.” She said casually, but Hawk’s heart stopped all the same.

“What?” He asked, through gritted teeth, hoping he’d heard her wrong. But Tory just nodded her head.

“Some dude. Troy or Tanner or something. New kid. Just moved here from North Hills or some sh*t.” She was still talking but, past the point of confirmation, Hawk was done listening.

“Where is he now?” He asked, his fists clenched, itching to do to this new kid what he’d been about to describe before Tory’s interruption. Nobody messed with his (Y/n)…

“Last I saw he was headed towards (Y/n)’s locker. Something about asking her out?”And that was when Hawk snapped.

“The he*l he is!” (Y/n) was HIS girlfriend. Everyone knew that. Who did he think he was? This punk coming in and trying to cheat the system, and steal away HAWK’S girl? This Troy, or Tanner, or whatever-the-f*ck his name was, was gonna pay. And Hawk was gonna make sure of it.

“I’m gonna go deal with this sh*thead. Beat his a*s…”

+ + +

“You’re (Y/n), right?” (Y/n) (Y/l/n) spun around quickly at the voice, confused as she didn’t recognize it, before coming face to face with the new kid she vaguely remembered from one of her earlier classes. She smiled politely, before responding.

“Yeah, that’s me.” She agreed, before a frown reached her face. “I’m sorry I don’t-“ She began apologizing for not recalling his name, but the boy cut her off with a shrug, leaning against the locker beside hers and effectively boxing her in, though (Y/n) assumed it was unintentional.

“Toby. I just moved here.” (Y/n) nodded along at his words, as she took a small step back, only for her foot to collide with the metal of a locker door.

“Toby… hi.”

“Hi…” (Y/n) wondered what exactly it was that he wanted, or whether it was just to introduce himself. But if that was the case, why hadn’t he left yet?

“Did you need something?” She asked, hoping she didn’t come off as rude or anything, though if she did, he didn’t point it out, or do anything really other than shake his head while laughing at himself.

“Sh*t, yeah. Um, I was actually wondering…” He trailed off, his eyes meeting hers in an intense gaze that she was both unwilling and unable to reciprocate. “Well, you’re really pretty, ya know…” (Y/n) didn’t like where this was going. She made to carefully remove his arm from the locker, so that she could walk away, but Toby apparently wasn’t finished, and reached for her wrist, holding it tightly in his grip to keep her in place. “Hold on just a second!” (Y/n)’s eyes widened in shock. “I dunno… I was sorta thinkin-“

“Get your f*cking hands off her, a*shole!”

+ + +

If Hawk wasn’t already seeing red at just the idea of someone he didn’t know flirting with (Y/n), the sight of her being held up against a locker with that frightened look on her face would surely have done it. And it did, for the next move Hawk made was not something that he would have ever done in front of his girlfriend had the situation not demanded it…

“Get your f*cking hands off her, a*shole!” It was like time had slowed down, and there was no one in the room but them; Hawk, and the sleezeball touching his girl.

The new guy spun around, his expression clearly annoyed, until he noticed the murderous one pointed back at him. His face dropped in worry.

“Look, dude. I dunno what you think-“ He began (trying to explain himself, perhaps?), but Hawk’s attention remained on his hand… that had yet to move.

“Oh I know exactly what I think!” He practically growled, stepping forward threateningly. “I think you’ve got your sh*tty North Hills hands all over my girlfriend, and if you don’t let go right now I’m gonna send you back to North Hills; only this time it’ll be in a body bag!” On a normal day, Hawk would’ve smirked at the “I just wet myself” look that had suddenly appeared on the dopes face, but this wasn’t a normal day. On a normal day, if some douche bag decided to mess with Hawk they’d do it directly, not through (Y/n). There was a level of respect there, at least for the girl. Because, everyone knew, messing with him was on thing, but (Y/n)? Practically a death sentence.

“I-I didn’t know-“ The new guy stuttered out, his grip finally releasing from (Y/n)’s skin, the girl slipping away from him and behind her boyfriend the moment she was able. Hawk felt her small hands tighten against the back of his hoodie and his angry frown deepened.

“Oh “you-you didn’t know”?” He mocked, carefully removing his girlfriends fingers from his clothes and advancing towards the other boy, nothing stopping him now from cracking this dweebs skull. He’d teach him not to mess with his girl again…

+ + +

Smack!

Smack!

“Ow!”

Crunch!

Pop!

Pop!

“Ughhhhhhhh…”

Crack!

“Stop, please!”

Hawk dropped the bruised and bloody body of the new kid harshly on the floor, before standing over him, his breathing heavy. (Y/n)’s eyes were wide. She’d never seen this side of him before. Sure, she knew he got into fights. She had to clean him up after them all the time. But he usually made it a point to keep her out of them. Though, (Y/n) supposed there wasn’t much way to keep her out of this one, since it happened over her. She frowned, suddenly feeling immensely guilty.

“If I see you anywhere near her again, we’ll be back here. Got it?” He snarled, his back now to (Y/n), which she appreciated, as she wasn’t sure she wanted to see his face look like that. She liked the soft way her Eli looked at her. She didn’t think she’d be too fond of visions of angry Hawk intruding her lovesick thoughts. “I said: Do. You. Understand!?!” (Y/n) watched the guy nod his head so fast she thought it might fall off, before scrambling to his feet. Hawk turned to make his way towards his friends and his girl, calling back over his shoulder as he did. “Now, get outta here before I change my mind.”

+ + +

“You okay, Princess?” Hawk had cooled down a little at the look on her face, hating that he’d contributed to it, but also knowing he’d had to do what he did. (Y/n) nodded slightly, though she wouldn’t meet his eyes. Hawk frowned, worried she was upset with him about the fight, though he couldn’t fathom why. That douchebag was hurting her. He’d just put a stop to it like any good boyfriend would. Speaking of…

“Can I see?” He gestured towards her wrist, receiving a small noise of agreement. He reached for her hand, his anger gradually returning as he took in the obvious fingerprints against her smooth skin. He tried to calm himself down, talking a deep breath before leaning down to press a soft kiss to her wrist.

“You’re gonna have a bruise.” He mumbled against her skin. But (Y/n) just shrugged.

“I don’t care.” Hawk sighed, running his hand down the side of his face anxiously.

“(Y/n)… you know I had to, right?” He asked, watching her face carefully as it changed, relief washing over him as she slowly nodded her head.

“I know… I just wanna go home. Can we?” She looked up at him with a small pout that Hawk was quick to agree to.

“Course, (Y/n/n). We can do anything you want.” He promised with a soft smile that dated back to his Eli days and was reserved exclusively for her. (Y/n) grinned a little, though Hawk wasn’t sure what was so funny. He wasn’t gonna comment on it though, just happy he’d got her smiling again.

“Ice cream?” She asked hopefully, earning a chuckle from her boyfriend, as his arm wrapped around her shoulder and he steered her towards the door.

“Sure, Princess. Whatever you want.”

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