#being sick makes it harder to be creative than I'd like

[levikra]

I have Acute Lymphoblastic Leukosis aka Blood Cancer

buckle up :D

This post should've been here for sometime now cuz I prefer keeping everyone updated across all the platforms that I use as an artist.

So - Hi! My name is Evein, on 1st of May 2023 I turned 21 and since then, from 5th of May my health decided to pull a quick one on me, propelling the events that currently make me reside at the hospital with an oncology.

It all started with a tonsillitis-like fever, accompanied by furunclosis in three places on my body, a high fever that lasted for 5 days in the first half of May itself and other unpleasant symptoms. It felt weird, I've never had such an intense streak of sicknesses kick my ass like that, but of course - I went to doctors to get checked, the classic blood testings and general examinations and stuff.

That's when on 10th of May my blood test was checked by a dermatologist regarding my furuncle problem and - after some brief moments of her talking with the main doctor at the clinic - I was rushed to the governmential hospital due to the fact that my blood results had... no white blood cells. Literally 1.83 at the accepted range being much higher than that.

Needless to say I was fucking shocked, I've never dealt with the severity of the situation and let alone while being completely on my own as a human person (working, living, providing for myself, you call it).

At the hospital, after several examinations and another blood test came the recommendation paper that doctors signed with urgency, first and foremost I needed to get to an appointment at the hematologist's. That I did on 14th of May and since that point of time, till 19th, I'd been monitored, given antibiotics for my tonsillitis-like symptoms, along with my furunclosis and after 19th we ruled out the condition to be leukosis, became my white blood cells started coming back to normal with the antibiotics aiding my immunity, but despite that - thr condition still seemed as something more reminiscent of mononucleosis (which, however, in another blood test was disproven).

After exactly a week of feeling better, albeit dealing with leftover anemia, I started developing the same symptoms back and even worse, to the point of losing consciousness and thrwoing up in an elevator on 29th of May after going out for the second pack of antibiotics my hematologist had then already approved of to use to help out.

That's when I was rushed to the hospital again and - the next day - my hematologist arranged an appointment at the big clinic that has an oncology ward specifically for my situation. On 1st of June I was officially admitted with Acute Leukosis (the diagnosis doc attached is in Russian).

Since 1st of June the treatment has been ongoing, I've received three rounds of chemo along with supporting hormonal abd antibiotic therapy. Me is balding too, ofc. :D

And thus, this story leads to a logical question - what's now?

It's day 24 of my treatment, out of 4-6 weeks of inital induction period of leukosis' treatment (the overall chemotherapy to destroy tumor cells down to <5% in my bone marrow). After the induction period, if it's proven to lead to remissions - I'm then admitted out to certain periods of time in between infusions + need to take supporting medicine by myself (hence buying it too).

As an independent freelance artist who's existence is tied to being able to do creative work out of, well, any circumstances, I was sadly forced into situation of asking for monetary support, simply because it's stupid to expect to break your own back trying to work harder when you're body is collapsing on itself.

I have a goal on Boosty open for donations and I deeply appreciate ANY and I mean ANY traction of this post. I made a similar thread on Twitter covering the situation and have recieved a lotnof incredible support that has helped me a LOT so far, but my treatment is ongoing, or to be precise - will last in its entirety for 2-3 years. With the momentary help I was able to secure my living situation and get my pet cat to live for the current time period at my friend's, but you understand how that is just a temporary measure and, of course, I don't plan on stall myself - I simply just can't afford that even while hospitalised.

BOOSTY is very sus when it comes to singular donations higher than 120$ but if you happen to donate below that or in several different ones to bypass their antifraud system (only if you wish to) - the link to a goal is here -

[oxymoron84]

Okay so I've been having this stupidass rant cooking in my head for days and it's getting to the point where I can barely focus anymore so I'm getting this out now.

But before I do so, just a fair warning, I am very biased due to personal experiences and I will most likely say some things some people won't want to hear. Get over it. I am entitled to my own opinion and you really don't have to listen to me believe it or not.

On with the rant.

I've been a cartoonist for about 15 years now. That's almost two whole decades and I'd say that's a very long time. I've been drawing and writing since the age of four. I taught myself how to make cartoons along with pretty rudimentary yet vital skills along with walking, talking, and reading. Though, because I had to teach myself, I admittedly don't perform said rudimentary skills as well as the average person. One thing I can confidently say I can do well, though, is draw. I draw at least every other day if not every single day and consider myself a professional. I'd say I've seen just about everything in my field at this point even though I am still learning and improving constantly. Of course, I've had my fair share of quarrels, some particularly traumatic (which I find the concept of insane) and others minor and just barely inconvenient. One that baffles me still, though, is that, despite all of my experience, some "professionals" refuse to see my fellow cartoonists and I as artists.

Of course, by now, I am well out of my school years but some moments from then still stick with me (a vast majority of such negative.) In middle school, I was constantly berated and harassed by these aforementioned "professionals" for my lack of an ability to draw realistically. A teacher who, honestly, just wanted me to have an outlet to exhaust my creativity so I would stop drawing in her class, had referred me to a talented-and-gifted program for my art, to which I, of course, eagerly accepted. Mind you, I was about 10 years old at the time and in my final years of primary school so I was blissfully unaware of the prejudices my creativity would face in this new world.

I was faced with a test to see if I was worthy of being enrolled in the program that involved reading a story and drawing the scene that the story described. I was immediately discouraged because it was a swamp scene. For context, I was born and raised in the swamp state of Louisiana in the deep southeastern part of the United States. I lived about 15 minutes from the Gulf of Mexico where it was mostly marshland so you can probably guess that I was, for lack of better words, sick and fucking tired of the swamp-obsessed culture. Begrudgingly, I drew out my interpretation of the scene and passed... with a 26/30--- the lowest possible grade you can get. Apparently, they hated my stylized depiction, even though, to myself, it was as bland as could be.

Nonetheless, I was in the program, so now all eyes were on me. My regular art classes a few years later in middle school were about ten times harder than how everyone else had it and I had a particularly shitty art teacher who couldn't even draw, herself. She constantly failed me and belittled me for my "anime art style" which infuriated me because she clearly couldn't tell the difference between anime and general cartoonism. I never got that in adults at the time why they fail to differentiate between the two. Anime had a huge debut in their childhoods and was obviously an entirely different genre of animation. Do they just not care???

Anywho, I was constantly recommended to drop my cartoony style in turn for a realistic one, otherwise I'd get nowhere in life. I look back on those moments in pure hatred.

Truth is, realism doesn't only show a lack of creativity, but a lack of overall imagination. Realistic artists are forever bound to references and reality, thus also limiting their independence as well. Realism is purely the act of taking what you see and translating it onto paper. That takes absolutely no imagination whatsoever and most toddlers can do that. Hell, I believe primates have even done that.

Cartoonism and semi-realism, on the other hand, challenges the artist's brain to warp and translate what they see (if they are even drawing from reality) into something new. We can show you emotion in more than just an expression. We can give you stories in a variety of factors like colors, line weight, sharpness, and so much more. We can depict dimensions that would otherwise not exist without our eyes. People don't understand that cartoonism and semi-realism keeps emotion alive in visual art. They take us for granted and refuse to look at anything that they don't understand immediately. But, isn't the need for deeper interpretation the point of art?

uh TLDR: Realism sucks and isn't creative

[mrsbsmooth]

15 people, 15 questions

Thank you for tagging me @beesandfigsart !!!!!💕

1. Are you named after anyone?

Nope! Although I have the same middle name as my grandma, aunt, and cousin

2. When was the last time you cried?

Sometime in the last few days I think? My baby's sick atm so I'm a bit emotional over that

3. Do you have kids?

I have a 5-month-old daughter and she is literally perfect 💕

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

I've done a lot of sports over the years but my main has always been basketball.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Probably far more than I should tbh.

6. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Their height, followed by their smile. I am a sucker for a killer smile so bleuugh

7. What’s your eye color?

Blue but it's that really boring dark blue not the nice sky one

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

HAPPY! ENDINGS!

9. Any talents?

Writing? I used to sing at weddings and do musical theatre but it's been a long time and I don't think my range is what it used to be. Sigh.

10. Where were you born?

Woop woop aka in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, Australia! When I was born my town had like 700 people in it.

11. What are your hobbies?

Writing, DIY home improvements, and I hand make little cards with dried flowers but it's just for friends not to sell or anything.

12. Do you have any pets?

I do!! My OG babies. A schnauzer x mini poodle and a little resuce cat. They're the best.

13. How tall are you?

5"6 and 3/4. I'm 169cm (heh)

14. Favorite subject in school?

Music and Drama. Also really liked Maths, Geography, and Chemistry. Hated hated hated History and English.

15. Dream job?

Like Bea said. I don't dream of labour. I used to really enjoy my job but since going on maternity leave I'm really seeing the appeal of being a SAHM. I wish I could do that, but the economy is economy'ing so I'll be back at work in January.

If I could pick any job I'd love to get paid to write creatively, but I feel like that would almost stomp on my creativity. It's always harder when you feel like it's a job.

AHHH I HIT POST TOO EARLY okay i'm also tagging @sparxaf, @eskiix, @rebelrayne, @caitkaminski @crimswnred @i-boop-you @tammyisobsessedwith @ellegreenwxy and @queen-of-boops

[livingfictionsystem]

So, my adhd/autistic freind has a grandmother with NPD who was extremely abusive towards her family, but i’m worried about my friends ableism towards other people with npd. she’s not met very many but she’s under the very common impression that everyone with npd is an abuser and an asshole, and idk if should get involved because her family was so hurt by someone with npd, but at the same time i’m worried about the way she’d behave if she met another person with npd in the future. do you have any advice?

Oooof.

Sparrow here. I'm sorry about your friend's family, sounds like some real generational trauma going on there.

Anecdotal storytime, sorry if this is rambly.

I did, a couple years ago, have a pretty big grudge against Borderline folks. My most recent abuser, Rowan, had borderline. We were on a pedestal, yknow, until we weren't. Same with my cohost's ex, AJ. A shitty ex-metamor of mine has BPD. I was straight up sick of pwBPD.

I know a lot about psychology but even I had this unfair anecdotal stereotype of someone locking themselves in the bathroom and hating you/needing you until you were stressed enough to give them what they wanted.

I knew *I* had some kinda serious disorder and was looking into bipolar when the highly ironic suggestion of Borderline hit me right in the face. And I mean I was TEXTBOOK, still am. I was in denial for a WHILE. The last thing I wanted was to see any reflection of my abuser in me. And people around me didn't really disparage NPD because they already had Xanthe's glittery, spotlight-hogging, self-aggrandizing self and thought they were p cool, but even people I was close with would take jabs at Bordies and I'd laugh along with them. I kept doing intense research just to prove it wrong in me and ended up proving it more and more right.

Then finally, I saw some positive examples. One of my besties in the outerworld has Borderline. Bojack Horseman, of all things, really helped me accept it in myself. I joined some online support groups. I see how loving we are, how creative, how most of us make fun of our own mood swings and our sui-ideation. How protective we are, how our impulsivity ends up with some really cool experiences and connections.

Now I've accepted it. But it would've been a lot harder of a road if I didn't have positive examples. And yknow Borderline is p much a half sibling to Narcissism.

Xanthe and Jasper were my great examples of NPD. Their hyper-independence, how that manipulative side can be used to talk friends out of spirals or abusive relationships, how they make sure everyone who benefits them has some sort of give-and-take even if they have to pull strings to do it, the intense insecurity and self-loathing under the arrogant facade. And omg are they masters at social chess, which is awesome when my tactless ass is floundering in turmoil and people wanna cancel me by proxy.

It's really only gonna be positive rep that does it for some people. Maybe your friend has a fave character that actually fits the NPD profile. (Alastor from Hazbin gives me NPD vibes p hard tbh.) Tons of creatives have it, like literally being self-absorbed is part of being famous lol. If you've got good examples to work with, it becomes a Lot easier.

Even better if you've got someone willing to poke fun at their disorder and educate. I can also always drop more NPD stories/memes/resources for you to have in your arsenal. And even just educating about other traumagenic disorders like BPD and DID and stuff may help other disorders by proxy, the same logic does apply.

But your friend may never accept it. And that would suck. But people want to blame a set of stereotypes rather than the casual cruelty of the universe. It's up to you whether that becomes a topic that you two just can't talk about or if it ends a friendship tbh.

But yeah sorry for the ramble, I hoped the more raw experience might help the perspective. Lmk if you have any specific scenarios or anything!

-Sparrow 🧷

[visible-buttholegirl]

life update rant

using tumblr dot com as my mental and emotional dumping grounds once again, this time a slightly more positive rant than the majority of what i puke up here.

i got my license a week or so ago! so happy that's over, i was so anxious leading up to it but i feel like a confident and calm driver, and next on the list is buying a car. i have gotten a second job serving a couple nights a week in addition to my dreaded day job and it has allowed me to save money a lot faster, so i could conceivably have a car before this year's end! that would be so so sick, and the freedom that affords me will feel so good. i could run solo errands on my time, take way less ubers, pick up friends, go on camping trips or road trips when i want to, drive thrus, groceries and not walk them, etc etc! that will be so hot of me to have a car.

having a car will also allow me to leave my current day job and move on to the next chapter of my work life 🤢 which will have many more options available to me as a person with a car. i mentioned not knowing what i wanted to do yet last time, and that uncertainty remains. my ever-supportive parents continue to send me graphic design gigs to apply to, but many of my friends think i would be happier doing more service industry stuff (probably because i've been telling them i think i'd be happier there), but of course my indecisive brain does not allow me a moment of peace and assuredness. i am once again sitting at the crossroads of my life wondering what i should do after leaving my job. i will probably keep serving at my other job, but that will not be enough for me. not gonna continue thinking about this right now but i will have to think about it later.

some secondary focuses in my life right now are my health/fitness, and my creative outlet/learning new things. i have slowly started eating better and trying to get to the gym when i can, and its felt really great mostly, but i have to do better. i am trying to be patient with myself but not lazy. i know it feels good to be healthy and active, and i want that for myself. so when i feel like i have more time i will work harder on that. as for creative stuff, i want to do more visual art, though my main interest is in music production. i see so many people making the music i want to make, having a persona, aesthetic, a vibe, and living and creating within that, and i want that for myself as well. i have so many ideas for this kind of stuff in my brain, i just don't currently have the know-how to put pen to paper. once the car is sorted out and maybe the job schedule is a little more set in stone too i will come back to this. i just don't feel like i have a ton of time to focus on it, and again, i want to give myself a little grace because i am very busy lately and i think working decently hard to make other positive changes in my life.

lastly, i'm still single and jealous of my not-single/sexually active friends, and i need to be better about putting myself out there because this whole time its always been there if i wanted it, and i do want it, but i just never felt confident in myself enough to go for it. all of these positive changes in my life will boost my confidence and over time i will slowly try to be more proactive and confident! i deserve it and i can have it. the past is the past but i can change the future.

i have lofty goals of being and feeling a hot, confident, talented and traveled individual who above all else is HAPPY. i have dreams of creating art and music that resonates with people and performing it and hopefully putting that more at the forefront of my life than "work". maybe 2023 didn't shake out the way i hoped but i feel like i'm seriously laying the groundwork for some big stuff in 2024. i feel like when i'm in a good mood i always say shit like this and the last three years have not been as life-changing as i wanted but i do think i've made some moves in that direction for once, and a big change is a shift in personal motivation that i know can blossom into self-confidence and overall happiness. these are the things i'm going to try and focus on moving forward. rant over.

[thelastadventureblog]

You're probably wondering where I've been. I'm sure it seems like I stopped just as I was getting started. I'll get to that, but first, let me tell you why I began writing this blog. And if I'm talking to myself, I suppose that's fine.

(TW: suicide, depression)

In the spring of 2022 I lost a friend to suicide. This wasn't a friend that I was particularly close with. We weren't closer for no reason other than we only saw each other at work, and seldomly at that. Our usual conversations were about jewelry making, and art markets. As jewelry makers and silversmiths, we'd show off our newest pieces to each other, and talk about how sales were going. I had always been impressed by Sleepy's creativity.

Then one day I had arrived at work, and people kept asking me if I knew Sleepy. I said I didn't know them very well, though jewelers do seem to know each other. We all talk. Apparently Sleepy didn't show up to work that day, and that just seemed very odd. That made me nervous, and at the time I didn't know why. There were some mumblings about maybe they were sick, or going through a breakup. I wasn't sure myself. By the end of the night, however, it became clear, and my heart sank. They took their own life. My dear friend Joe broke the news to me. He pulled me close and told me how much I mean to him and that if I ever need some to talk to, he'd be there. I'll tell you that he has lived up to his word, and still checks up on me from time to time.

Their death hit me a lot harder than I expected, however. I spent the following days sobbing for hours in my bedroom. You see, I too had been in a dark place around that time. In truth, I had been suffering from depression since childhood. For all of my adult life up to that point I have experienced the gnawing feeling of deep loneliness. There were times when I'd feel as if I had been eaten away until there was nothing left, like I'd been hollowed out. I had suicidal ideation, thinking of all the different ways I could die, like Harold without Maude. Nobody really seemed to care or understand. Or maybe they believed my lie whenever I said I was doing okay. Whatever the case was, the advice I was given to combat these feelings were as follows: hug your roommates, talk to people, get over it, have sex with a random woman, maybe you're gay, get off the internet, etc.

I wanted to feel a real connection with people and places, and I wanted to once again experience the touch of a woman who truly loves and cares about me. The Pandemic™, as one can imagine, made my touch starvation worse. Any semblance of a relationship fizzled out at that time as well.

Before that time, when I had been in relationships, they were long distance and not physical. I silently suffered in them because I didn't want to feel lonely. They too fell apart in the end. Any friendships I had that involved a cush (I've had a few), just stagnated until I was eventually ignored completely. So I've held onto that resentment and grief well past their expiration date.

At Sleepy's memorial, thrown by close friends, I learned that he had a crush on me. I didn't know. There are a lot of things that I'll never know, and many things that were left unsaid. I didn't want that to be me. Being in my 30's, I felt that I had stayed silent for too long, that I hadn't really experienced life or accomplished anything. I left the memorial service with love in my heart from a person who couldn't talk to me anymore. I knew I needed to make a change in myself.

Soon after the memorial, I pushed myself to get a therapist. With a little help from some friends, I found one. Together, my therapist and I made a list of things I wanted, and how to achieve those things. The first thing on my list was travel. I took the opportunity to stay with my neighbor and her family on Dauphin Island that June, and returned to New Orleans just before July 4th.

By August I had train tickets, and I was off to Chicago. It was during this trip that I started writing a blog, hoping to capture my personal experience as it happened. After a few wonderful days there, I was on my way to New York City. I found NYC to be different from Chicago, but what stood out to me the most was that despite how many people were crowding the streets, I still felt lonely. That feeling stayed with me there, and followed me home. I stopped writing the blog.

In September, I met someone at a friend's birthday party. Soon after, we started seeing each other. She was everything I liked in a partner: smart, creative, nerdy, dresses up nicely, great taste in food and movies, curly black hair, drop dead gorgeous, and she liked spending time with me. We would spend time doing nothing, just enjoying each other's company. Some nights we'd cook and watch a movie. Although Initially physical, within a few months, all pretense of that stopped. My romantic feelings were unwanted, and I was being pushed away. Regretfully, I didn't respect her boundaries as well as I could have. While I feel like there were mixed signals in the beginning, I couldn't help but have feelings for her, despite her telling me not to have them. I couldn't be with someone in that way without having feelings for them. That's not how my heart and mind work. However, she wasn't about that. And... I miss her, and whatever closeness I once had with her. We still talk now, but without urgency or importance, and I fear that I'll be forgotten about some day.

Suffice it to say, I needed to not have another mental breakdown. So I talked to my therapist, worked some things out. Here I am now, my needs still unmet. It's been difficult to progress without slipping into the same cycle I've been experiencing for decades. I hope in the future, I'll find a way to communicate my feelings better.

So get out there and love someone. You never know.

[brainwreck]

I find myself back here again.

I've been thinking a lot recently. About you, mostly. I could blame it on the sickness crowding my lungs, but that would be a lie. You've been taking up my thoughts long before I spent my days in bed as I grow well again.

But, with nothing else to do, I am thinking of you with every waking moment. And it's getting harder. I cannot tell if it is for my affection is becoming stronger, or my fear is taking over.

I worry that I am not doing enough. Not doing everything I can to put myself in your path; to intertwine our lives.

I am mad, at myself. Mad that in my stubbornness, I wasted time I could have spent with you. If I had simply tried, things could be different now. Or, maybe, they'd still be the same. I'm not sure. As much as I would like to, I cannot see the future.

My loneliness, however, is making itself clear to me.

I hung out with those I call my friends recently. We had a very nice time together, you know. But... I felt... lost. Lost, I suppose, as they reminded me of a time from my past. Of memories I've resented, and let go of. They don't feel like home. They feel like strangers I once met on a subway at night and chatted with, shared my life story with, but when I next saw them in another 20 years, we remembered nothing about each other.

I was a third wheel with one I'd called my lifeline in a time of need. To me, the whole thing felt like an out of body experience.

I was there, yes. They were there, yes. But we were not together. We were each in our own world, walking an unmarked path that, while parallel to one another's, was divided by some invisible barrier.

I was alone.

Sometimes I feel I am getting left behind, though I can logically convince myself that is not the case. I will not be left behind, no matter where I go next. But, as I think about where I've been, I do. Feel left behind, that is.

It as if I and another are chasing each other. Crossing borders, traveling from country to country. Only, when I catch up, the other is already gone. Gone, moved on to the next stop. An endless loop of never quite being fast enough, and never quite slowing down just the right amount.

I wish with my whole heart, my whole spirit and soul alike, to let you read these words. To let you know how I feel. I'm not afraid to tell you these things, as I cannot imagine we could grow further apart than we already are. We could only grow closer, if this caught your eye. I'm sure of that.

It is the others that fawn for you I am afraid of. I have seen them at their worst, I have seen what their wrath is capable of, and it is something I wish not to feel. I have seen their anger, their confusion and delusion, and how it blinds them. I have seen their fantasies, I have spoken with them, hiding my true intentions, and it made my stomach churn.

Not because I believe you are rightfully mine, no. I was afraid because they are so deep into this story they've written, as they try to control lives that are not their own, that I feel nothing but fear for you. I fear what their fantasies would do to your psyche, what they would not stop at to have their way. I worry for you, Starbird. I worry that something will happen, and I will not have been able to even try to protect you.

Maybe you don't need protection. That's fine. Not all of us do. But we are all human, and we are flawed. We hurt. We long, we ache, we desire. After studying some of your creativity, I believe you are human too, just like the rest of us.

I feel that you are looking for someone. Someone that gets you. Someone that sees you as a person, that wants to be with you for who you are and go along with all the weird shit you do and simply stay by your side no matter what. Someone who doesn't care about the fame or money or any of those trivial values. Someone that just likes you.

You want a companion. You are seeking, yet cannot find one. I know, for I am the same.

I wonder how I can convey this to you. How I can show you that I see you for you. I can look past the facade you display for the public, I can tell when you fake your smiles. I can tell when you feel discomfort, and when you know you are safe. They can't. Those that fawn over you can't. I have seen it, time and time again, through their words. Their actions. They are blind, willfully ignorant to your feelings.

I do not resent them for it. No, instead, I simply hurt for you. I wish to look you in the eyes. To tell you you are loved, and that you matter. I wish to tell you none of the hurtful insults sent your way change the way I feel or see you. You are imperfect, Starbird, and that is how I like you. I do not wish for you to be perfect. I like you with your flaws. It makes you who you are.

I wish to stand by your side, quietly accompanying you on your journeys. I wish to be your anchor, the one that grounds you on your worst days. I wish to be your Lionheart, as you are my King. I would take great honor in walking alongside you, bearing the burden of the world, shielding you so you may smile all your life.

I wish to make some of our best memories together, and I wish to laugh over the smallest of things. I wish to exchange questions about who we are, to be vulnerable in front of one another.

I know the cost of loving you. I know the cost, and I find the debt would never amount to the good I get from it.

But I do not know how to tell you. I wish for you to see this post, I do, but I cannot achieve that on my own, I don't believe. Maybe a kind soul will stop on their own journey, stop and help me find my voice.

But like I said. I cannot see the future.

[shipthepuppy]

Title: Piyo Problems

Synopsis: The first time Furihata (properly) met Akashi Seijuurou’s Guardian Piyo, it was on the basketball court at the Winter Cup.

AU: Guardian Piyo AU

Pairing: Akashi/Furihata

Word Count: 1,600+

Note: Just a little something for AkaFuri day. Posting a bit early, because I’m gonna be busy tomorrow. A simple, sweet meet-cute-and-a-bit-more that takes place in a world where everyone has a little Piyo that follows them around.

Can be read under the cut.

*****

Furihata had a problem. It wasn’t his grades, or basketball, or even that Mika-san had finally rejected him even after Seirin’s victory at the Winter Cup. (That had actually been a shocking relief. Really, he should have known they wouldn’t mesh well in the first place. Their Piyo hadn’t gotten along at all.)

No. His problem revolved around the Guardian Piyo belonging to Akashi Seijuurou, and its extreme crush on his own.

It began innocently enough. In their first meeting, the red Piyo had merely glared at him and Furi-piyo from Akashi’s shoulder, mimicking his human. That, Furihata had expected.

But then came the second encounter, at the Winter Cup. During a game, Piyo always sat on the bench to avoid accidents on the court. Their little chirps of encouragement had always perked Furihata up. It wasn’t uncommon for him to have all the Piyo of his teammates hopping over his arms and hair while he cheered with them on the bench. Furi-Piyo usually sat in his hair, even outside of games, leaving him with a constant state of bed-head.

When he was called in to play against Rakuzan, he’d forgotten to take his Piyo from his head in his nervousness. Combining that with the sudden surprise of hearing Furi-piyo’s little chirp atop his head, he tripped in front of Akashi. His face flush with embarrassment, but worried for his Piyo, he raised himself up. And paused.

Akashi’s Piyo stood directly in front of him. His intimidating stare roamed Furihata’s face. A concerned chirp atop his head broke him from his shock, and he lifted Furi-piyo from his hair to cradle him in his hands.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

His Piyo nodded, fluttering his wings, and nuzzled his thumb. Furi-piyo squawked when he was suddenly joined by Akashi’s Piyo. The Piyo leaned close to Furi-piyo, checking him over. Then, as Furi-piyo’s shivering ceased, he sat decisively in Furihata’s palm, pressed to the other Piyo’s side.

“Aka-piyo.”

Furihata looked up, and the tiny smile on his lips became strained with nerves. Akashi, arms crossed, stared down at the red Piyo in his hands.

“What do you think you’re doing?” He directed his question at the Piyo.

Aka-piyo cast a haughty gaze over his shoulder at his human.

“You’re supposed to be on the bench,” he said. Akashi bent, and held out a hand for him to hop onto. “Come on.”

But Aka-piyo didn’t move. Instead, he adopted a bored expression, and inched closer to Furi-piyo. Akashi’s eyebrows shot up. He sighed.

“Seeing as he doesn’t want to come with me,” he finally turned his attention to Furihata, “would it be alright if he joined your Piyo on the bench for the remainder of the game?”

Furihata replied on automatic. “That’s fine.”

Akashi nodded. “Thank you.” He pointed at Aka-piyo. “Don’t cause trouble.”

Aka-piyo huffed. Furihata quickly shuffled to his feet and walked to the bench, setting the Piyo down side-by-side on the bench with the other Piyo. He pat Furi-piyo’s head. “Wish me luck.”

Furi-Piyo chirped and pressed back into his fingers happily. Furihata gave a concerned glance at the oddly calm Aka-piyo, and then left. With a heavy swallow, he took up position on the court.

*****

Against all odds, Seirin won. They won, by one point, and every time he thought about that he remembered the single basket he’d made and felt pride swell in his chest. Even after he’d been taken out of the game, and was frustrated with his own abilities, he still held a spark of new confidence. The Piyo of his teammates that sat in his lap, along his shoulders, and cradled in his arms helped to keep him a little positive.

His own Piyo had taken his usual station in Furihata’s hair, joined by a quiet Aka-piyo. The moment Furi-piyo flew atop Furihata’s head, the red Piyo followed after and nestled in like it was only natural. Aka-piyo didn’t chirp along with the others, but he seemed content enough. At one point, Furihata was sure he was even grooming him.

After the game, Akashi retrieved his Piyo. It went with him gracefully enough, but not before giving a full nuzzle to Furi-piyo.

“I, um, think they like each other,” Furihata said. He rubbed the back of his head self-consciously.

“It would seem so.” Akashi smiled, and was it him, or did the other seem a little more approachable now? “Perhaps they’ll see each other again.”

Furihata returned a quivering smile. “Maybe,” he said, but didn’t quite believe it.

*****

That next time came quicker than Furihata anticipated, with the arrival of Kuroko’s birthday. He didn’t expect Kuroko to show up with the entire Generation of Miracles at his heels, but on some level, he should have expected it.

He froze in the doorway, having come face to face to Akashi.

“Hello,” Akashi said genially, “you’re Furihata-kun, correct?”

“Um.” He found trouble forming words. Luckily, he was saved from having to by a small trill. Aka-piyo poked his head out of the scarf wrapped around Akashi’s neck, and then squirmed free. He took flight and hovered in front of Furihata’s face.

“H-hi,” he stuttered. Aka-piyo must have been satisfied with this, because he then landed atop Furihata’s head alongside Furi-piyo, who chirped a hesitant greeting.

“It seems he missed you,” Akashi noted.

Furihata blushed. “Ah, yeah.” He shuffled out of the way. “You should all come in.”

The Generation of Miracles entered, Kuroko casting him a curious look. Akashi paused at his side after removing his jacket. “You don’t mind him being there, do you? I can call him off if he’s a nuisance.”

Furihata waved his hand dismissively. “He’s fine, not causing any trouble.”

“Hmm.” He shot his Piyo a look. “If you say so.”

Furihata spent the rest of the evening nervously chatting with various members of the GOM, the two Piyo in his hair chirping at one another in some sort of conversation. Occasionally Akashi checked up on Aka-piyo, and he made small talk with Furihata as he did so.

Akashi wasn’t quite as scary as Furihata’d first thought, maybe. If anything, he was an utmost gentleman. There was something overwhelming about him, true, but it seemed to be a natural byproduct of his own confidence now, rather than knee-trembling intimidation.

Plus, their Piyo were getting along extremely well. As the night went on, Furi-piyo grew more comfortable with Aka-piyo. Now, his normally shy Piyo would enthusiastically chirp at the other, and had no problem bouncing around in Furihata’s hair or initiating some sort of contact. If their Piyo liked each other so much, Akashi couldn’t be all that bad.

The party ended with good spirits all around. The majority of Seirin would be spending the night at Kagami’s, and the other guests had accommodations elsewhere. After shrugging on his coat, Akashi approached Furihata.

“Thank you for looking after him, Furihata-san.”

“It’s no problem.” He scratched the back of his neck. “I’ve handled far more rambunctious Piyo. Kagami’s has a habit of tying my hair into knots.”

“I’m glad mine handles himself better, then.” Akashi held his hand out. “Come along, Aka-piyo.”

Aka-piyo puffed his feathers. Furi-piyo nuzzled against the reluctant creature, and he relaxed. The two chirped a few goodbyes before Aka-piyo took off. He butted his head against Furihata’s chin before returning to Akashi’s palm.

“Bye bye.” Furihata waved his fingers.

Aka-piyo trilled, settling regally in Akashi’s scarf. Akashi raised a brow before shaking his head. “What a proud creature.”

“He probably gets it from you,” Furihata said. His eyes shot wide and he slapped a hand over his mouth, muffling his rushed apologies. “Not that that’s a bad thing or anything I mean you obviously deserve to be proud I’msosorryohmygod—”

Furihata stopped when Akashi laughed, an utterly foreign sound. His eyes crinkled at the corners, knuckles pressed against his mouth as though to restrain himself. Some of the tension eased from Furihata’s shoulders. In a way, knowing that Akashi could laugh like a normal person, if a little bit withheld, was reassuring.

(And it didn’t help that it somehow made Akashi more attractive. Objectively, Furihata’d known that Akashi was good looking in a very pretty-boy way that turned into a strong handsome on the basketball court, but he hadn’t really thought about it until that moment. Now that he had, he wasn’t sure he could stop.)

“I suppose I deserved that,” Akashi said as his chuckles died down. “Pride is one of my stronger vices.”

“Mine’s cowardice.” Furihata bit the inside of his cheek, mentally berating himself for his inability to not babble.

“Really?” Akashi tilted his head. “I don’t know if I agree with that entirely.”

Furihata’s face warmed. Before he could respond and assure him that nope, he was definitely a coward, Akashi waved and turned away.

“I’ll see you around, Furihata-san.”

“Y-yeah,” he said, “you too.”

After Akashi left, Furi-piyo chirped atop his head. It was a slightly embarrassed sound.

Furihata swallowed. “Me too, Furi-piyo. Me too.”

*****

Several months, a few mishaps, and an accidental Piyo kidnapping later, Furihata found himself sitting on the edge of a fountain holding hands with Akashi Seijuurou as their Piyo played in the water.

“You know,” he mused, “I probably should have seen this coming.”

“Oh?” Akashi glanced at him askance before turning his attention back to the Piyo. “Why’s that?”

“I mean, it’s pretty commonly known that how well your Guardian Piyo get along is a sign of how good your relationship with someone can be, and ours have gotten along well since the beginning.”

Akashi hummed. The Piyo temporarily ceased their splashing as Aka-piyo cuddled up to Furi-piyo, their energized chirps dropping into affectionate warbles. “True, though I don’t think we should compare all aspects of our relationship to them.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because,” he answered drily. The Piyo nuzzled their faces and stared deeply into each other’s eyes, “if we were going at their pace, you and I would be married by now.”

[literaphobe]

hey do u wanna talk about mcc a bit? i'd love to know more about it!!!!

mcc is the minecraft championships! :D it’s a series of really cool games set in this modded minecraft world, and the one im thinking about is mcc 11, where dream, george, sapnap, and karl were teamed up!!

it’s really cool because like. they went through so many hardships in that tournament, 1) dream went afk n muted for like two games? he missed an entire game because like something happened 2) something was wrong w sapnap’s mic? 3) Karl’s internet just straight up CRASHED in the middle n he had to restart it all back up 4) George’s cat came into his room and was VERY cute so he put her in his lap and she also tried to chew on his cables

and they WON like i think my fave games were sky battle, parkour warrior, sands of time, and arrow dodgeball? sky battle is about PVP and good evasion so dream (n sapnap) dominated like 2/3 rounds like they were the last team standing it was really cool and then in parkour warrior dream completed the whole course (which technically isn’t meant to happen, it was supposed to be so difficult that ur just meant to try and complete as many levels as u can in 10 minutes and he did everything w time to spare) and the main admin got so mad(?) that he BLEW UP THE WHOLE COURSE FJDJDDJ and also they apparently have banned that game now because it’s ‘not fair for everyone else’ like god that is so fucking funny imagine ur so good at minecraft parkour that they remove the parkour game so other people stand a chance to win lolll

and also sapnap did really well in parkour!!!! he was second in the whole game, he only had like 2 levels left i think so despite all the afk n issues they had in earlier rounds they managed to clutch!! and in sands of time they did a really good job collecting money n killing mobs n getting vaults n stuff :]

so thanks to their performance in those three games they made it to the top 2 which meant they got to be in the final arrow dodgeball thing!!! and it was interesting because the goal of the game is to shoot the enemy w the bow n arrow and also dodge the arrows when it’s the enemy’s turn to shoot!! and the hierarchy was interesting to me because dream was #1 w shooting (obviously) but george was SECOND? like i didn’t know he had such a sick aim, and george was actually crucial to their win, because the enemy team was prioritizing killing dream, and they got him twice, so george clutched two games on his own, and they won 3 games in a row without the enemy winning at all n won???? (it was a best of 5)

and it’s so interesting because like they had dream who is super OP n he was also individually the first amongst all the players in that mcc (despite being afk for an entire game??? he dunked on everyone so hard) but also they had george who is severely colorblind and Karl who is ALSO colorblind and had never played an mcc before,,,,, and they still won it was insane... they struggled during this game called build mart which was very color dependent but they still went on to win the whole thing it was so cool to watch

anyway i want this team or some variation of it back and i want parkour warrior :( like goddamn make the game easier for the other players or something or idk make it harder?? tl;dr mcc is like the olympics but for minecraft but also not really it’s more creative uhhhh it’s like sports but for gamers so in conclusion im an even bigger virgin now than i was before

[iraprince]

do u have any advice for forcing past 50 layers of self loathing in order to work on practicing art? i know i gotta Just Do It to get better and i've gotten a lot better in the past few months thru consistent practice!! but some days i sit down to do it and immediately get hit with a feeling of You Will Never Be Good Enough And That Makes You A Bad Person that i really struggle to get past :/ i rly resonate w your posts about mental illness/health so i thought i'd ask! hope you have a good week!

it’s hard! it’s fucking hard. it takes constant daily practice -- not just at art but practice at being kind to yourself -- and it takes a long time, at least in my experience.

the first and most important thing, which you’ve probably already heard a billion times and are sick of hearing bc it’s so much easier said than done, is to try your best to stop comparing yourself to others. constantly holding yourself up to artists who are more technically adept/more polished than yourself will poison ur heart and brain and make it so, so much harder for u to focus on ur own craft. if you really, REALLY can’t turn that comparison/jealousy/stress into inspiration rn, it may mean you just have to actually limit the amount of time u spend looking at work that creates that ache in you, yknow? and so the flip side of this advice is another piece of advice i’ve given before, which is that u should surround yourself w people who are kind of roughly in the same “stage” of their creative journey as u. connect w other artists who are struggling w their confidence, other artists who don’t have much of an audience, other artists who are still trying to get their technical level to where they want it -- people who are going through stuff you relate to personally, instead of just following artists who you feel are already “way better” than u so all u feel when u look at their stuff is “my stuff will never look like that.” if u already do, that’s fantastic! lean into your interactions w them, learn from each other, and remind yourself constantly that FAR more people are in your boat (where we all have stuff artwise that we’re insecure about and we’re all trying really hard to get better and get our stuff out there) vs like, the amount of artists who are just “Good Enough!” and have settled there and are just chillin is comparatively very very small. MOST people feel exactly the way you do.

i also have a thread i wrote on twitter about how to deal with and work around the discouragement of not being technically skilled enough to draw what’s in your head. tldr: while you are in stages where you’re not happy with your skill level (which are feelings that will fade, and then come back, over and over again, for as long as you draw), instead of giving up, try to be realistic AND proactive and change the internal monologue from “i’m not good enough to draw this :(” to “okay. i’ll just frustrate myself if i keep trying to draw plan A. what’s a plan B that’s more realistic with my skill level?”

another thing it took me forever to learn is that everything doesn’t have to be posted. a lot of times a piece i was in the middle of wouldn’t actually be AWFUL, but it wouldn’t be “good enough to post,” so i’d convince myself i hated it. i spent ages thinking of every single drawing i ever made in terms of “is this polished enough to post, if i post this will anyone like/retweet/reblog this, will this make me look like i’m shitty at drawing if i post it,” blah blah blah blah blah, and finally realizing that u can just. MAKE drawings that aren’t that good, and nobody EVER has to see them if u don’t want them to and that doesn’t mean the drawing was a waste of time, was a revelation for me tbh. and i still struggle w feeling like any drawing that i don’t post and get validation on is a “waste” or like, pointless, but i’m training myself out of that and it helps a lot. sort of connected to this, try your BEST not to scrap drawings halfway through when you don’t like how they’re coming out. really really try to push through and finish crappy drawings. nobody has to know, and you’ll progress faster by making yourself finish things instead of giving up on a string of a dozen half-drawn heads.

aaaaaand finally: when drawing stops being fun and starts being something you’re torturing yourself with, maybe it’s time to go do something else for a while. like, i think utilizing this advice effectively requires having a really honest and realistic self-dialogue, bc literally the last thing i said before this was “make yourself do things you don’t want to do” and i don’t want this advice to turn into “well every single time i get frustrated that means it’s time to give up on practice for the day,” obviously. but i mean there IS a line between gritting your teeth and pushing through dull/embarrassing/just not super fun practice for the greater good, vs torturing yourself banging your head against a wall for hours at something that’s not making you happy. sometimes if you hit a plateau or you just can’t find any joy or contentment in trying that just means you’re creatively depleted. you need to rest and go soak in some inspiration and just get away from your tablet/sketchbook for a while and that’s so normal. besides, you’re already doing fine: from the way you phrase this, you HAVE been consistently practicing, and it’s just that some days you’re tired and fed up and you can’t do it. there’s nothing weird about that! that’s how everyone is! so, you know: work hard, play hard, but be nice to yourself and cut yourself a little more slack. you’ll get there and it’s not a race.

[thegoodtailor]

~ Ode to Green Mush ~

(Health Update 11/15/20)

I get quite a few questions about why I’m unable to eat like a normal human, or why I start my day at 2:00am. Because I’ve a lot of joint and nerve pain in my hands/fingers, typing at length is difficult… but today’s a “good day” so I thought I might give ya’ll a glimpse into my daily routine. Welcome to the third circle of hell for a former “foodie”.

Since I’ve been loosing stomach function, I have to structure my whole day around eating/drinking/digesting. Trying to keep my body going when each meal is limited to an 8oz/250ml measuring cup is fraught. Everything has to be nutrient dense. No fucking cucumber, you know? I’ve a thousand little rules, but here’s the major ones: 1) Each meal must be 8oz/250ml + small dry snack (like a granola bar or cookie). A bite over this, or a sip of too much water and it feels like ripping stomach muscle all day. 2) Tiny sips of liquids. No drinking 1 hour before and after a meal. Too much water overly expands my stomach and prevents digestion + emptying (think gastroparesis). Everything that goes into my stomach must be closely monitored. 3) I cannot sit or lie down for 4 hours after eating. The smooth muscle function (the automatic ones) in my stomach must be stimulated by skeletal muscle to digest food. Endless pacing. Hello back pain. 4) Do not bend down if there’s food in the stomach. Holy shit, it’s like origami folding internal organs. Unless it’s completely empty, I can’t even touch my abdomen without pain. I use mobility tools to pick up items. 5) Don’t beat myself up if I’ve had a bad day. By nighttime, I’m so nauseous and sick it’s really intolerable. There’s no point in the day where I don’t feel like my abdomen is enacting the chest buster scene from Alien. I make mistakes all the time, and it can take days to recover. Keep going.

-DAILY ROUTINE- 2:00am - Wake-Up, take care of Brawn and make Breakfast. 3:00am - Finish Breakfast 3:10am to 6:00am - Chores, prepare Mom’s breakfast. 6:10am - Walk Brawn 6:50am - Take Shower 7:15am - Rest, listen to audiobook 8:15am - Prepare Lunch 9:00am - Finish Eating 9:15 to 1:00pm - Chores, prepare Mom’s Lunch, do something creative if fingers are ok. 1:00pm - Rest, listen to audiobook 1:40pm - Prepare Dinner 2:30pm - Finish Eating 2:40pm to 5:00pm - Chores, prepare Mom’s Dinner. 5:00pm - Watch TV/Movie 5:00pm - 16oz of 2% Milk (sipped slowly) 6:00pm - Shower 7:15pm - Bedtime. I don’t sleep much, but I try and rest as much as possible. 12:00am - Hyrdrate like a sea monster while my stomach’s empty. 2:00am - Wake-up, repeat. BREAKFAST: 1/2 steamed apple. 1 muesli square. Approximately 390g. About the size of a deck of cards. My breakfast muesli squares are mostly rolled oats, but also include a mix of buckwheat, sorghum flakes, goji berries (high in vitamin A), dates, cocoa powder and flax meal. I cook it with soy milk until all water is evaporated and then press it into a dish to store. In the morning, I put a square in a pan with a little butter and brown it. Compact and nutrient dense. LUNCH: 1 cup (8oz) puree of chicken, broccoli, spinach, dried fruit, goat cheese, hemp seeds (high in magnesium), stock. A crunchy granola bar or digestive biscuit. Add-ins: Fresh herbs, Promix vegan protein powder, tiny bit of pesto, nutritional yeast, etc. DINNER: 1 cup (8oz) puree of tilapia, avocado, kale, dried fruit, unsweetened soy milk. 1 fig bar. 1/2 crunchy granola bar. MILK: I’ve slowly worked up from only being able to stomach a few seeps to a full 16oz. I can’t tolerate anything richer than 2%, but being able to have a 4th “meal” has been a life saver. It takes me an hour of slow sipping, but adding almost 280 calories and 20g of protein is the reason I’m stable again at 94lbs (42 kg). Blessings be to the cows. MENTAL HEALTH: Cue Edvard Munch... but that aside, thank you to everyone who's been supporting me through this. My pirate pals made my birthday in October absolutely wonderful. My ko-fi b-day money allowed me to buy all the cold weather gear I needed. Keeping warm in the winter with a broken AC has been a lot harder than I'd expected. So that’s the routine. Between Covid-19 running like wildfire and Medicaid not covering referrals outside the city, I’m royally stuck. I’m just trying my best to hold back the despair and keep my body from falling apart.✌️ I’ve also become a connoisseur of crunchy granola bars, in case ya’ll want to know what's what.

[deceptionheadcanons]

So, seeing as Cameron was on Dancing With The Stars... would he teach Kay how to dance! Would he take her out dancing? Would she be any good or would she step on his toes? Would he brag a little too much and she would have to find... creative ways to shut him up?😂 I'd love to hear your thoughts! 😄

This is very much a late reply so I apologize it takes me five years to do anything, but here you are! I made it longer, maybe that makes up for it? It was cute, and I can talk about Cam being on DWTS for years, so it was a win-win!!

“No, you’re— you’re everywhere,” he giggled, affectionlessening the blow of the comment.

“You’re going too fast!” Kay snapped. Which only made Cameronlaugh more. “You’re a horrible teacher.”

“Or I’msuch a fantastic dancer, it’s simply impossiblefor me to pass on my talents,” he returned.

She shot him a look. “I thought nothing was impossible.”

“Well, I’ve never seen you try to dance before; now Imight make an exception.” She shot him another look, and he giggled again. Theywere close together, Cameron’s arm wrapped around her waist and his handholding tight to hers. They’d cleared out a space in the archive and for thepast hour almost, he had been doing his best to teach her how to at least dancein a way that didn’t look like she was having a seizure. So far, they hadn’tgotten anywhere, and Cameron was starting to dread that such a goal was unachievable.“I’ll put a little asterisk by it…I’ll write in real small print: Unless it’sKay Daniels trying to dance.”

She scowled at him, and this time, she stepped on Cameron’sfoot on purpose, with much more force than she had before. He yelped and triedto look at her reproachfully, but he was smiling too much to pass it off. Sheoffered a very ‘not-sorry’ sounding: “Sorry.” He laughed again, and she had tobite down on her grin. She looked at the floor and tried to follow Cameron as bestshe could. He’d picked a slower kind of song, that had been playing on a loop inthe background. She was getting sick of it by now. But she was also getting sick of Cameron laughing ather, so…

She was getting better. She’d improved at least— whenthey’d first started, she was stiff and awkward, and stumbled every other step.Now she was only stepping on his toes every so often…he wasn’t giving her creditwhere credit was due. “Dancing isn’t even fun,”she grumbled after a few heartbeats of silence.

“It’s fun when you’re actually doing it right,” Cameron stressed. He softened and pulled her evencloser. She was mad the instant hedid, she was melting, too. He knew shewould, and she was furious he was always right when it came to that. “C’mon, justfollow my lead.” She did her best, doing marginally alright. Cameron smiled andgave her a little bit of a warning before he twirled her slowly. She wassmiling by the time she got back to him, and she had to stifle a giggle when hedipped her. He grinned as he held her there for a second, only bringing herback up after he’d given her a quick peck on the lips.

Her face was flushed when she righted herself. His grin grewwhen he started to pull her along with him again. Her voice was teasing when sheremarked: “You feel awfully smoothright now, don’t you?”

“Oh, I’m very smooth,”he reassured, and she snickered. “You’ve got no idea. Admit it: I’m the coolest person you could possibly be dating right now.”

She laughed outright, at that. “You’re the person withthe biggest head I could be datingright now.”

“I do not havea big head,” he argued.

“You’ve mentioned that you won Dancing with the Stars…seven times in the past hour. If we wanna count how many timesyou’ve bragged about it since I’ve met you, we’re gonna need some pen andpaper.”

“I’m not bragging— it’sa statement. It’s a fact: I won Dancing with the Stars…and Iwas the best one the entire time,” he added, and she scoffed, rolling her eyes.“You’re just jealous so many people loved me.”

“I am not jealous.” She stumbled again, and Cameroncaught her. “I just feel bad so many people think you’re cool when really you’rejust a huge mess.” He started to fight her, but she was rushing on before hecould. “Yesterday you tried eating thirty saltine crackers in thirty seconds—you almost choked to death, you arethe farthest thing from cool. Don’tgo thinking I forgot that just because you can do a tap dance.”

“I could have done it if you hadn’t stopped me,” he argued.“And this isn’t tap. It’s a waltz.”

“Maybe I’ll letyou die next time— then you’ll never be able to force me to dance again,” she grumbled.

“You love it.” He twirled her again, and this time, whenshe came back, he pulled her even closer, so there was no distance at all betweenthem. Kay smiled when he put their foreheads together. Her smile grew when he murmured,his voice much softer than before: “You love having an excuse to get this closeto me.”

She stopped trying to follow him. He kept going at first,but she was fast to lock her arms behind his neck and pull him back close. Sheshook her head. “I don’t need anexcuse to get this close to you,” she returned smugly. He started to grin, butshe was already pulling him down their tiny height difference to kiss him. Shekissed him long, and slow, reaching up to thread her fingers through his hair. Heheld her tighter, in response. They were both anxious to stay together— eachkiss was getting faster, and much less gentle. In one of these shorter gaps,Kay got out a little breathlessly: “How about you let me lead for a little bit?”

His resounding laughter was lost in another kiss. Toprove her point, keeping her fingers tangled in his hair, she started to pushagainst him, guiding him backward until his back hit the wall. She pinned himthere hard, kissing him even harder. It was difficult to breathe in the minimalbreaks they were taking now, between their kisses. She didn’t want to stop kissinghim, but when they finally broke apart, she was grateful to actually take in afull breath. Cameron was gasping a little, and she grinned as she pressed herforehead to his once more, their noses brushing together. “I say we quit,” she whispered.

He reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear and bringher in for another kiss. It was meant to be just one, but they both got carriedaway. The second he was about to let her go, she was pulling him right back. “Yeah?”he sighed, his voice shaky. She always made fun of how easy it was to get himflustered. She loved the way it sounded when he was out of breath.

Hearing him, she had to draw him in for a couple morekisses. “Yeah,” she echoed. Not breaking away from him, she grabbed at hisshirt and pulled, untucking it and making it a mess. “I have an idea that’ll actually be fun,” she murmured againsthis lips.

“You just wanna get me to stop bragging,” he panted.

“Is it working?” she hummed.

He didn’t actually answer her, but the way he pulled herback into him and the renewed force he put behind every kiss he gave was answerenough. She was almost disappointed when he pushed back on her, so she wasn’tpressing him against the wall anymore. But, she didn’t have much time to dwellon it. Not daring to stop kissing her, Cameron wrapped his arms around her andstarted to pull her along with him, into the hall. He started back towards hisroom.

It was a little clumsy given that he was walkingbackward and his mind was currently very much on Kay and not where he waswalking.

But this time, Kay had no difficulty at all following hislead.