#being a hero isn’t going to be a walk in the park guys

[jonsnowunemploymentera]

Need asoiaf fans to be disabused from the notion that anyone “deserves” the Iron Throne. Not a single person deserves it, doesn’t matter how good they are. And I’d take it a step further and say that no one deserves to be king or queen or lord. We shouldn’t be equating kingship/queenship with a happy ending. This series does so much to criticize this awful system so it’s particularly jarring that people will go “I want my fave to get their happy ending and sit on the iron throne”. That’s…kind of antithetical to what the series has shown us so far I think.

[cultven]

Hi!

I was wondering if you can do a Deadpool x reader x Wolverine fic where reader is like very shy. They find her in the void with the other hero’s from the resistance. They both are immediately smitten but since they both are pretty loud and bickering a lot, it makes the reader nervous. Maybe once they win the fight against Cassandra Nova, the two of them confess to her at Wade’s apartment.

Hope you having a wonderful day/night

No pressure or rush

-W.P 💚

Founded Love

Deadpool X Reader X Wolverine

Content: Some cursing, Deadpool’s humor, Wolverine being so done with Wade lol, Self-conscious Deadpool

Word Count: 3.7k

Warnings: Spoilers for Deadpool 3

a/n: First request done! Hopefully, you like it, I tried following the best I could. The reader may seem a little more timid than shy, however.

You were walking around the ruins of The Void, kicking away the dirt and small rocks that lay in your path. Despite always being on edge, you’ve found yourself at peace with your life in The Void. As long as you stayed away from Cassandra Nova and kept to yourself things were just fine. You had even found a family of your own in The Void, superheroes like yourself who were forgotten with time. It wasn’t the life you had imagined for yourself as a child, but you were happy all things considered. As you stumbled around the woods not looking for anything in particular when your eyes spot a blue minivan in the distance. 

You hum to yourself in confusion, taking in the state of the vehicle. It was battered and bloody, the liquid still visibly fresh. It looked a hell of a lot like Nicepool’s car, another trashed variant that lived in The Void. You hoped it wasn’t his car, he always seemed kind enough, hence his not-so-creative name, and you didn’t want any trouble finding the man. Besides, Nicepool was one of the only other people in The Void besides your family you could comfortably talk to. You have always been the shy type, even back in your everyday life in the real world. Casual conversation didn’t come naturally to you, leading you to feel incredibly awkward most times. You were never fond of most other people anyway, so your reserved nature didn’t bother you. 

As you shuffled closer to Betsy, you remember Nicepool always insisting you call the car by her name, you catch a glimpse of two people. The first was notably tied up in various seatbelts, seemingly asleep. He was another Deadpool variant, thankfully not your befriended one, and was bloodied similar to the car. The second man was a Wolverine variant, something that isn’t usually seen in The Void and was also quite beaten. By the looks of it, they had a pretty hefty fight and weren’t going to join consciousness anytime soon. Making a swift decision on what to do with the newfound characters you sigh and try to start up the car, planning on taking them back to your crew.

Much to your surprise, the car runs quite well considering the damage it’s withheld. The drive back to your hideout was quiet with some soft snoring from the back seat. Some music would have been nice but you didn’t want the pair waking up before you got them to the rest of your family. You could handle the transportation, but the questioning was something better fitted for Elektra or Eric. Eventually, you turn the car and park it next to the house you have been calling home for almost a year now. You debated bringing the two men inside by yourself before quickly realizing there was no way in hell you’d be able to move their large figures. 

“Guys, I’m back.” You quietly announced walking through the door. You saw Remy and Laura sitting at a table playing cards while Elektra was making some sort of food in the kitchen. 

“Hey, glad to see you made it back ok.” Elektra smiled, plating five portions of her cooking. “Did you see Johnny while you were out there?” 

“Nah, unfortunately not. But, I did find some new guys. A Deadpool and a Wolverine.” That caught everyone’s attention, especially Laura’s. You and her were quite close which led her to entrust you with her past, most importantly the bits of Logan. You felt uneasy with all the attention now suddenly on you, but continue your thoughts with fiddling fingers. “They’re, um, in a car unconscious just outside the house. I drove them here. I probably can’t move them inside so…” You let your stream of thoughts trail off, noticing Remy stand up from his space at the table. 

“I’ll go get them, eh?” His accent never failed to amuse you, causing you to smile and nod at the man as he went out the door. Blade soon entered the room and began talking with the others, speculating what the hell was going on with the two men outside. You took this as an opportunity to hide away in your room, allowing yourself to decompress after everything. 

After some rustling outside your room, it eventually quieted, likely meaning the two men were still asleep and the others wanted to give them space. You took this as an opportunity to sneak around to the kitchen, the starvation of not eating all day finally catching up to you. As you tiptoe down the hallway and past the living room you hear an inaudible grumble. Turning your head slightly you see the Wolverine stir. Not realizing you had completely stopped to stare at the man, his narrow eyes met yours with a questioning glance. 

“What the hell are you looking at? Where are we?” His accusatory tone and spew of questions caused you to become flustered. You begin to tap your foot on the floor, a nervous tick you’ve developed over time. 

Realizing you have yet to answer his questions you spoke up, “I’m sorry! I didn’t know you were awake. Or I guess you just kinda woke up, huh?” You get out an awkward laugh, avoiding eye contact. You hated this with everything in your body. “I, uh, found you guys in that old banged-up car so I called for backup to take you here just to make sure you guys were alright.” When you didn’t get a response you turned back to the Wolverine who was previously throwing questions at you to find him much calmer now. Maybe he finally gauged that you weren’t a threat to him, and even if you were he could easily take you down. You find his eyes scanning your body and finally meet your eyes, causing you to shrink. His frown lines were less prominent than before, adorning a more relaxed expression. 

“Mhm, well thanks for that then.” It wasn’t the kindest thank you in the world, but it was nice he was at least a little grateful for your efforts. As you watched him examine the room you took in his appearance. He adorned the iconic Wolverine suit, the one that Laura insisted her Logan never wore, so it’s likely that this isn’t her Logan, but you figured that much considering ghosts didn’t make it to The Void. He seemed to have a permanent frown on his face, which oddly suited him. There were small tufts of hair on the top of his head, ones that resembled ears. It was cute. Little did you know, when you finally turned away from admiring the man he took his own turn to take you in. You could tell there wasn’t a version of you in his world, but he still felt comforted by your presence in an odd way. Perhaps it was because you saved him and his stupid sidekick. No matter the reason, the gentle look on your face when you hadn’t realized he was awake yet was enough to draw him towards you. 

“What’s your name?” He wanted the conversation to continue and was becoming increasingly interested in you. 

“Y/N. I already know yours, you’re the notorious Wolverine. Also known as Logan.” He seemed shocked you knew his real name, especially by the disregard of how you said it. Noticing his reaction you hastily begin explaining yourself. “Well uh, it’s just Laura told me, if you even know who that is, um I’m not sure if you have her in your universe.” Your speech comes out in an anxious jumble, before deciding just to shut your mouth altogether, wanting to hide away. Wolverine chuckled to himself slightly, finding your skittish behavior quite endearing.  

You felt yourself blushing, wanting to hide from the strong eyes following your figure. Just as you were about to mumble out an excuse to leave the room Logan responded to your earlier ramble, “I’m not sure what all that means bub, but thanks for letting us crash here.” You watched him take in the room, mostly staring at Remy’s impressive stash of alcohol. He stood up from his place and chose a bottle of booze to open and take a swig. You knew Remy wouldn’t appreciate this action, but you were too shy to speak up about it. 

“Yeah, of course.” You rocked back and forth on your feet, something Wolverine took notice of. The whole time you spoke to him he picked up on your small fidgets and mannerisms. Despite finding them precious he didn’t want you to feel so nervous while talking to him, he wasn’t all that scary. Besides, he doesn’t hurt people without reason. “Was that Nicepool’s car you were in?” Before Wolverine had the chance to open his mouth a loud gasp followed by “Thor!” is heard from the bed. Upon seeing the Deadpool variant spring up from his sleeping position you hide yourself half behind the wall. Other than Nicepool all of the other Deadpools you have encountered were aggressive to say the least. But if this one was traveling with the nice Wolverine then maybe he couldn’t be so bad? 

Noticing your caution Wolverine decided to speak up, “Morning, jackass.” 

“Well, good morning to you too, honey bear.” Deadpool took in their surroundings before settling his gaze on you. “I see a beautiful woman has kidnapped us. Not how I was planning for this trip to go, but this could be a pretty hot porn set-up.” You could practically hear the smirk oozing from his speech. Maybe not an aggressive Deadpool, but it didn’t make him any less intimidating. 

You didn’t know what to say, so Wolverine said what you were practically thinking. “Shut the fuck up, asshole. She helped us here and now you’re creeping her out.” He took a swig before slightly positioning himself between you and the Deadpool. 

“I’m not the one with a permanent scowl! You look like the stereotypical villain of every cartoon.” Deadpool stands up before sauntering his way over to you. “What’s your name, pretty little thing.” 

“Y/N.” You managed to squeak out, ready to go lock yourself in your room forever. All of the sudden attention made you increasingly nervous. Deadpool just patted your head and looked over at Wolverine. 

“Dibs on this lovely lady.” He began smushing your cheeks like you were a child. He was quite the character, oddly charming in his weird ways, although you were getting overwhelmed with the physical touch. “I would be okay with sharing with you though Wolvie. Maybe divorced parents' style, I get weekdays and you every other weekend, hm?”

Wolverine growled, “She’s not an object, dipshit.” He pulled Deadpool off of you, clutching the fabric of his suit in his hand. As they begin to argue over you, you feel yourself shrink. Their booming voices and increasingly violent demeanors made you nervous, wanting to flee from the scene as soon as possible. Noticing their attentions were solely on each other you took the chance to sneak out of the room and back into the oasis that is your bedroom. You enjoyed the conversation you had with Logan, but once Deadpool woke up it was clear the two characters didn’t seem to mix well. Once they were caught in each other’s warpath it was like you weren’t even there anymore. 

You heard them eventually quiet, likely realizing you had left the scene a while ago. The arguing also caught the attention of the rest of your roommates, who were all very curious to see what the deal of the two new arrivals was. You opted to stay in your bedroom and listen to some music to help calm you down. As much as you loved your found family, large crowds were still unnerving. As it got later in the night you quickly realized that you couldn’t hide out forever, needing to eat as humans do, so you snuck out of your room. Luckily it seemed everyone had retired for the night early. It was odd considering the new arrivals but maybe they all wore each other out. 

Walking into the kitchen you notice another figure already standing at the toaster, patiently waiting for his food to pop up. “Hey, cutie.” The man in red purred, wiggling his fingers in your direction. 

“Is your whole personality just being a creep?” You half-joked, grabbing a box of cereal. You typically wouldn’t say things like this is strangers, but you could tell that this was certainly Deadpool’s type of humor. He seemed to appreciate the joke as he only giggled at the comment. 

“Maybe.” He said, playfully dragging out the E at the end. You just roll your eyes in return before fixing yourself a bowl of cereal and sitting at the counter, back turned towards him. Realizing that the conversation was over you heard an uncharacteristic sigh from the mercenary. “Sorry for kind of ambushing you there earlier. It’s just fun to watch Wolverine get his panties in a twist. He was sooo flirting with you back there.” It seemed he genuinely felt bad for making you uncomfortable back there, which was sweet. However, his one comment stuck about flirting. There was no way, right?

“I don’t know, it seemed like a normal conversation to me.” You shrugged despite feeling your entire body heat up at the suggestion. 

“Maybe he wasn’t flirting with his words, but he was definitely flirting with his eyes.” Deadpool moved back into your line of vision, waving his hand in front of your eyes. “Just know I’m batting my eyelashes under the mask right now.” You must say, despite the sheer amount of annoyance this man can bring, he is quite funny. 

Giving in to the stupidity you don’t hold back your small laugh, which plainly pleased Deadpool across from you. “Where is Wolverine now anyway?” It was strange to see the two apart seeing as you found them together. 

“He’s talking to your feisty friend out there.” You could tell right away he was referring to Laura. It made sense why they would be talking. You wonder if he had a Laura in his timeline. Suddenly you heard the pop of a toaster and Deadpool’s demeanor pop up. “Oh, fuck yes!” He clapped vigorously before reaching into the toaster and pulling out a freshly made Pop-Tart. 

“Hey! Is that my last Pop-tart?” You question, eyeing the familiar-looking treat. 

“How mad would you be if I said yes?” Deadpool looked at you with fake innocence. 

“Very.”

“Then, no.” He patted your head once more before situating himself across from you, Pop-tart on a plate. You rolled your eyes, feigning annoyance. It was strange to find yourself so comfortable with the man in such a short amount of time. Admittedly, you felt this way about both of the new arrivals. They were quite friendly, to you at least, and were easy to talk to. You were grateful you stumbled upon them in those woods, and they seemed to feel the same way. 

“Did you hear about the plan for tomorrow?” Deadpool questioned. Your downcasted eyes looked up in confusion. 

“Plan?”

“Yup, we’re gonna rock Cassandra’s shit tomorrow,” Deadpool said with a grin. “Can’t wait to see the look on that egghead’s face when she realizes she got fucked by a Looney Toons squad.” You just shook your head, smiling a bit before noticing the plate still soundly sat in front of the man. 

“Hey, your Poptart is getting cold.”

“Shit! Cold Pop-tarts are the worst.” He groaned, throwing his head back. “I guess I was just too distracted by your beauty to notice, among other things.” He makes motions with his hands around his chest. He’s talking about your boobs, classy. 

“Yeah, yeah.” You just giggled. “Eat you idiot.” Deadpool grinned under his mask before looking down at the plate. He seemed hesitant about something, but you didn’t know what. It was only a Pop-tart, all he had to do was lift his mask and eat it. Speaking of which, you actually can’t recall ever seeing him without his mask. 

“I might actually take this one to go, baby girl. Don’t wanna ruin your appetite.” He motions to his mask before nodding his head and turning to skip out of the room. 

“Hey, wait!” You’ve seen some pretty nasty stuff in The Void, surely it couldn’t be that bad. “Eat here, with me. I’d appreciate the company.” Seeing you want him to stay Deadpool couldn’t just dent you, so he conceded and sat himself back down. Tentative fingers made their way to his mask, pulling it up only slightly. Under you get a glimpse of scar tissue, textured and wrinkled. After taking notice of your lack of reaction he continues slowly, his prominent cheekbones revealed, and then his dark brown eyes. Finally, his mask is completely off, revealing a bald head underneath. You admit it wasn’t what you were expecting, but it wasn’t horrible in the slightest. 

“You grossed out yet?” He asked with a forced-sounding laugh. His appearance was clearly a sore subject for him. 

“Not at all.” You smiled at him. “You made it seem like your face was going to be melting off or something.”

“Eh, it kinda is.” By the tone of his voice, you assumed you put the man in much better spirits.

“Well, I still think you look quite charming.” Surprise painted Deadpool’s face, and then a face of appreciation. Not many people thought he was good-looking with his deformation, he constantly got berated for it, joking and not. He ended up using his humor to seal the pain, it was a nice break to have someone see him other than his skin. “Besides, I know it’s not the same but I had like major acne as a teen, so my skin was basically as bad as yours.” 

“Probably worse if I had to guess, them hormones be crazy girl.” Deadpool had a wide smile before biting into the, now freezing cold, Pop-tart. Gross. You two sat and talked, picking away at your respective meals before Deadpool, who you learned was named Wade, suggested you both head to bed. Claiming you need your energy for tomorrow because he’d hate to see you skinned and popped like a bloody zit, his words, not yours. 

He already ran off somewhere when you were taking the trash out. As you hauled the giant trash bag behind you, a person grazed your shoulder. “You know tomorrow is a suicide mission, right?” The gruff voice from earlier, Wolverine. He sounded concerned. 

“We’ve been her prisoners for so long, it’s about time we did something for ourselves.” Wolverine seemed to accept your answer with a curt nod, turning away so you couldn’t see the worry etched in his face. 

“Just be careful, bub.” That was all he said before walking inside, leaving the door slightly open for you once you’re done. 

To put it bluntly, the mission was a success. Logan did end up assisting you and your family in effectively taking down Cassandra. This was not surprising to you, despite his rough demeanor you could tell he’s a caring person on the inside, he just doesn’t know how to verbalize it well. What you didn’t expect, however, was to be pulled into the portal with Logan and Wade, transporting you back to Wade’s dimension. This was where you took down Cassandra for good this time, watching Wade and Logan heroically sacrifice themselves for Wade’s loved ones. It was heartwarmingly sweet and incredibly anxiety-inducing. But you all made it, not without a few scratches but regeneration came in clutch. What you were most grateful for was learning the rest of your family got to return to their timelines, something you had all longed for for so long. 

After the chaos, you and Logan figured you had nothing in your old worlds and decided to stay in Wade’s timeline. He graciously offered you a place in his apartment and, after sleeping on a not-so-comfortable couch for months, you finally saved enough money to rent your own apartment which was conveniently next door. This meant the three of you hung out all the time, whether it was an ambush hang-out or a planned movie night. Wade’s family became yours and you were happy.   

“Wade! Don’t burn the popcorn this time!” You yelled from across the room, feeling entirely comfortable in the company of your peers. 

“Please. I can’t handle the burnt smell any longer. It’s a miracle you haven’t burned this place to the ground yet.” Logan grumbled, resting his arm around you. 

“I’m wounded, you guys think I’m that horrible at making such a simple dish.” As if on cue, smoke begins to ooze out of the microwave. “No! Not towards the smoke alarm not again!” He rushed over, hastily fishing the bag out, and dropped it as it burnt his hand. Quickly putting it in a bowl he hops over the back of the couch you settle on your other side, offering the bowl to Logan. 

“I’m not eating your fucking popcorn ash.” Logan mumbles, still looking for a suitable movie. 

“More for me and cutie over here then.” Wade smiles, popping a piece of popcorn in his mouth and instantly regretting it, resisting the urge to spit out the popcorn. “Mhm, delicious.” 

“You’re an idiot.” Logan berates as you just giggle. After much bickering, mostly between Logan and Wade, you finally settle on a movie, The Proposal. Halfway through Wade unexpectedly turns in your direction. 

“You know, I’m really happy you found us gutted in that shitty excuse for a car.” It was sweet, in Wade’s own way. 

“Me too, bub,” Logan says, squeezing your shoulder where his arm still rests around you. You look between the both of them and smile brightly. 

“I’m the happiest, I got to meet you guys. You really broke me out of my shell, you know that?” You squeezed Wade’s hand while patting Logan’s thigh. You truly were grateful for them, the other group may have been your family but these two felt different, even closer in a way. “I don’t think I ever want to leave.” 

“We’re glad,” Wade says sweetly before frantically shushing both you and Logan as his favorite part of the movie begins your play. The rest of the night is spent in comfortable silence, much to your surprise with Wade, as the three of you cuddle closely on the couch, thanking the universe for connecting you. 

[ornii]

She Likes to Flirt (A Lot)

Natasha Romanoff X Male Reader (Short & Sweet) (Yup, Like Nat)

You obviously have a thing for Nat, and Almost everyone sees it.

Being the Spirit of Vengeance you held within yourself the devils bounty hunter, making you one of the most powerful begins on earth and a potential Level 10 Threat. Obviously you were scouted by S.H.I.E.L.D and joined their marry band of heroes, the Avengers. And after the little stunt in New York, the rest was history. Mission after mission you slowly grew closer to Natasha. Seasoned Assassin and Spy, she was the first you met due to her doing recon for Nick Fury. Naturally you two grew to be good friends, perhaps, even more.

It was nearing Night, after another mission at Sokovia you headed back to Stark Tower to celebrate, the massive parking garage opens up and you park your chopper there. Following behind was Natasha as usuals, somehow the Jeep didn’t get demolished in the fight. You chucked as you walked to the elevator. Natasha follows, looking at the bike.

“Aren’t gonna take your keys?” She asked, “Trust me, that bike isn’t going anywhere without me.” You reassured her, tapping the upper floors you both stood there as it began to rise. She dusts herself off as you try to put the flames off on your coat.

“Good mission overall.” She said, “Yup, Bruce and Tony are in their nerd lab brooding or something. With them together I’m a bit worried.”

“Don’t be. We can handle them, well I can.” She said, “What’s that supposed to mean?” You respond and she keeps her eyes forward, smiling. She ignores your question.

“You stink.” She said.

“I Tore through hydra guards like butter with a hot knife, I’m gonna stink. I’m pretty proud of that.” You said, “You do have a lot of. Good assets.” Nat said.

“Well damn that’s a first. A compliment.” You said.

“Now you know Steve doesn’t like that kind of language.” She said jokingly, you bite your lip and look forward trying not to laugh.

“He’s never gonna live that down.” You said

“Ever.” Natasha comments.

“You know you stink too right? Gonna need to shower.”

“Obviously, we have a party tonight, plus I have to put my face on, or whatever normal women say.” Natasha looks at her reflection.

“You’re Normal Nat.” You said to cheer her up. She turns to you, smiling. “I’m an assassin and you’re a bounty hunter for the devil, we’re not normal.”

“Well obviously but, looks wise, you don’t need to put on your face, looks good as is.” You point out, poking her forehead. Before she can open her mouth for some cheeky response, the Elevator opens and you step out.

“See you tonight Red.” You give her a send off before heading to the one room you somewhat own in the Tower.

The Party Finally arrives and you’re mingling with Thor and Rhody, who’s giving an, interesting story.

“Well, you know, the suit can take the weight, right? So I take the tank, fly it right up to the General's palace, drop it at his feet, I'm like, "Boom! You looking for this?" He explains, (Y/n) and Thor exchange glances and then back to Rhody. "Boom! Are you looking..." Why do I even talk to you guys? Everywhere else that story kills.

“That's the whole story?” Thor asks.

“Yeah, it's a War Machine story.”

“Well, it's very good then. It's impressive.”

“Yeah the Tank Part was really cool.” You said, Rhody sighs. “Okay fine, what did you do that was cool?”

“Uh, recently? By myself? A meteor was gonna hit Sweden so, I flew into the air and used my chain to pull the meteor back and hurl it into the atmosphere.” You casually explain, Rhody looks flabbergasted. “It was a Tuesday, I think.” You said, Rhody walks off as Thor Pats you on the shoulder. “That’s, very impressive.” And walks off, maybe you were going a little too high, you finished your beer and looked to the bar for more, what caught your eye was the redhead in a perfectly fitting white dress, you mosey over and casually slide down on a seat. Your eyes and Nat’s lock, and she smiles.

“Come here often, handsome?” She was the first to lay the foundation for the chat and you went right along with it.

“No, first time, but I saw this beautiful bombshell working the Bar and I had to see her.” You reply, Nat couldn’t hide her smile.

“Now what kind of man would leave a woman like you all by your lonesome, must have a bad taste in them.” You added on.

“He's not so bad. Well, he has a temper. Deep down he's all fluff. Fact is, he's not like anybody I've ever known. All my friends are fighters. And here comes this guy, trying to actually do the right thing. Even if he screws if up sometimes.”

“He…Sounds amazing.”

“He's also a huge dork.” She adds in, (Y/n) looks blindsided, Nat shrugs, “Chicks dig that. So what do you think should I fight this, or run with it?”

“Well, the guy really likes you.. I say give a chance, see where it goes? Is that, wrong to ask?” He asks, so hopeful. Nat smiles and sits up from the bar.

“Not at all, but, I think she likes you too, it may not look like it now... But never say never.” Natasha walks away, and Steve approaches (Y/n,) who sat there really considering her words.

“It's nice.” Steve said.

“What?” You reply confused.

“You and Romanoff.”

“No, me and her aren’t uh.. you know.” You mutter, Steven shakes your resolve.

“It's okay. Nobody's breaking any by-laws. It's just, she's not the most... open person in the world. But with you she seems very relaxed.”

“Yeah, Nat she... she likes to flirt. So do I.” You admit, now daydreaming of her slowly taking that dress off. But Steve ruins your daydreaming.

“I've seen her flirt, up close. This ain't that. Look, as maybe the world's leading authority on "waiting too long;" don't. You both deserve a win.” Steve gives you some damn good advice, and went off to his lonesome. You really thought about what he said.

“You know Steve, you got a point.. we do deserve a happy ending and— Wait, what the hell do you mean, "up close"?!

[jasonsknight3]

Welp, it’s time, the new story has officially begun. This story takes place in Arkham knight. The Halloween that ruined so many lives and brought o the worst of the worst. However, what part do you play in it? How do you fit into the story? Well, fear not because I have to e answer.

Side note: this story is planed to literally take place during the time of the Arkham game and comic book. I will keep it as accurate as possible however, I will be taking and changing some things because I’m adding you in it. It will largely stay the same though. Enjoy!

The longest night

Chapter one

“Memory lane”

Jason. The closest thing to love you felt. Being with him felt good. Even though you were only 15, you felt that you could marry the guy. A match made in heaven. He was your voice when you couldn’t speak up, you were his reason when he had none. The emotional connection between you two was undeniable. Jason was also Robin, a hero, a boy with a heart of gold. Maybe that’s why you felt for him. Despite his rough upbringing and living on his own from 13-15 with his troubles his heart had golden roots.

Shrugging on your jacket, you left your apartment to buy a week's worth of groceries like you usually do every Monday. The fall air was a little nippy but not too bad. The only downside was there wasn’t much foliage in gothams cores so, no colorful leaves to be found unless you went outside the city. The walk to the store is a good fifteen minute walk, your family only had one car to share between the parents and you hadn’t paid your monthly bus pass card yet so, that’s not an option either. However, a nice long walk was just the medicine to clear the chaos at home from your mind. Your family wasn’t bad, not at all. You loved your mom and dad and they you. It’s just that money is extremely tight. Sometimes parents argue. Say things. That’s just how it is.

Whistling a tune the sound of an engine slowing down a little too close for comfort made you pause and turn your eyes to whoever was deciding to cause trouble. All of the unsure feeling melted away the moment you laid eyes on a familiar face. “Well if it isn’t trouble chaser Todd.” You comment with a wide grin. “You flatter me, such high praise (y/n)” he replied, sliding off his bike helmet and setting it down to rest between his legs on his bike with a lopsided grin. “So, where’s a girl like you heading on this…fine evening?” He asked, mimicking a British accent. “I happen to be going to the market on this chilled eve.” You respond in the same manner. “Would thou like an escort fair maiden?” Laughing, you drop the accent. “This fair maiden would love a ride.” Jason held out the biker helmet to you “your chariot awaits.” The helmet was a little big but still would do its job. Jason was special, Everyone would know that if they just took a closer look. He was smart, loved literature, funny, and kind. The ride was nice, clinging to Jason, your head resting against his back as the wind blew your jacket behind you. Since Jason showed up tonight, everything felt like a moment to remember, a moment to think about when you felt low. A core memory. Pulling into the parking lot, he shut off the engine and kicked the motorcycle's kick stand before helping you dismantle the bike.

Walking inside “Got the list?” Jason asked, pulling his hand out of his pocket to take it. “Yea, I got it.” Handing him the list his eyes read over the scratchy writing. “This is the same list from last Monday.” Jason stated his eye locking with yours. “Well, it's cheap and still keeps us fed. Besides, even with all three of us working, my mom, dad and I make only enough to get by.” Looking over the list again he smiled. “I think I can spice up your food selection a little.” You open your mouth to protest but he beats you to the punch. “And before you say “oh you don’t have to do that” I know. I can and want to.” The smile and warmth you felt in your heart was involuntary. Throwing an arm around your shoulder he said “Come on, let’s go get some good stuff.”

As you went through the isles you guys talked about your week so far. His was the usual excitement, fighting crime, school, all the things. Yours was the same as usual as well, school, work, a few screaming fights between the parents about money. Jason enjoyed giving you small gifts and little things here and there for you. Jason selected some produce, fruits, healthy and unhealthy foods. After checking out a d bagging the items it was time for the awkward ride home. It was a small struggle, you held on to a few plastic bags, some evenly divided on the handle of the bike. You had to stop only once to pick up the bags you dropped. Honestly, you were impressed with how well you both did hanging on after the one incident. When you guys got to your home, Jason helped you and your mom unpack the groceries and put them away. Your mom liked Jason but your dad was a little skeptical, as expected. Jason’s kindness earned a homemade dinner and a movie with you, your mother, and himself.

A fond day to cling to now

The sounds of laughter and cocky attitudes echoed in the batcave. “Remember (y/n) keep your hands up to protect your face and or swing, elbows low and in to protect damage to your ribs. Keep light on your feet so you can move quickly. Also-“ cutting him off you lunge at him tackling him to the mat on the floor. Jason cried out in surprise. “Oh shi-“ Alfred cut him off “language Master Todd.” Jason looked up at Alfred. “Sorry Alfred.” Alfred nodded and turned his attention back to nightwing and tending to his physical ailments from the night’s festivities. Jason turned back to you. “Now that wasn’t very fair of you.” Giving a triumphant smile you retort “Aren’t you supposed to be ready for anything?” Pursing his lips he thought about it. “Yea, I guess you're right.” In one swift moment he flipped you on your stomach having you I. A choke hold. No to together though, his legs wrapped around yours locking them I. Place. Your hands automatically shoot up to try and pry his hold off. Jason's breath tickled his ear “admit I’m the best.”

You: “you stink.”

Jason: “say I’m the coolest guy you know.”

You: “You're the weirdest guy I’ve ever met.”

Jason: “Admit I’m smart.”

You: “You have the brain of a toddler.”

Jason: “Say you think I'm sexy.”

You: “Look like a wet dog.” You snicker enjoying the banter. “Ugh, if I wanted to watch teenagers get it on I would rather watch a trashy romance movie. You guys are ridiculous.” Dick commenter to which Jason snapped back. “You’re just jealous I’m able to maintain a relationship.” The expression on Dicks face spoke volumes. Jason definitely hit a nerve. “Oh yea?” He inquired. “Yeah.” Jason nodded. Dick got off the seat. “Get up Todd.” Jason let go and whispered in your ear. “Watch this.”

Getting up you decided to stand next to Alfred who protested against dick fighting falling on deaf ears. Alfred realizing that this was happening whether he wanted it to or not he sighed. “I don’t know what to do with those boys.” Sitting back the duel began. Jason was bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Come on chickenwing! Bawk! Bawk!” Jason taunted with a wicked grin. “It’s Nightwing.”Dick corrected seething. The battle of honor began. Jason swung first, his fist connecting with Dicks lower run cage which seemed to just make Dick angrier. Dick swept Jason’s leg knocking him to the floor before pinning him and having Jason in a tight choke hold. “It's not so fun when it's not your girlfriend is it!” Dick said with a smug look. “Screw you!” Jason yelled anger very apparent in his voice as he jabbed his elbow into Dick’s rib again making him let go. With the new found freedom, Jason straddles him and starts pounding on him, punching him where he could. It was honestly a little scary watching from the outside. “Master Todd! Master Grayson! Enough of this childish behavior!” Jason stopped looking up at Alfred with a guilty expression before a fist connected to his chin knocking him off of Dick. Alfred and you intervene, you take Jason while Alfred takes hold of Grayson. “You mother-“ Dick cut Jason off “I will always do better than you, be better than you.” He said venom in his words. “At least I don't dress like I’m going to a fuckimg disco party to fight crime and look like a little bitch.” Jason yelled at him, that caught you so off guard. You had to fight to stifle the laugh. “I designed the suit myself you ass!” Dick retorted. “Yea, I can tell, Dick.” “Boys, enough for the last time! Separate or so, help me I will tell Bruce to keep you both off missions for a Week!” Alfred is clearly fed up.

Both boys went to their rooms to calm down. “You really did a low blow going after the wardrobe.” You started breaking the silence as the both of you sat on the bed. “He’s an ass.” Jason was still very clearly in a mood. You take his hand, “I dot. Have siblings, but I do have a family. Family can be your worst enemy and your best friend. The rough patch will pass.

It’s a terrible thing, just as they were starting to work things out. He was gone.

Harsh words sounded through the off white walls of the apartment. Same old thing, money this, money that, we have to this, we have to that. After a day of work and school, arguing was the absolute last thing you wanted to hear. What better place to go to escape the noise than the fire escape.

There you were, eyes closed, the breeze gently cooling your skin. A wonderful feeling. That’s when another sensation touched your cheek, a warmth, something soft. Opening one eye you see what you knew was there. Jason’s lips left your cheek. “Hey.” He smiled. You wave your hand in front of your face trying to wave away the smell. “Geez you smell, and you're sweaty, wanna shower?” You offer jokingly but with kindness. “That would be amazing. Thanks.” He commented. “Oh, uh don’t be alarmed by the way. They are just arguing. That’s all.” Jason nodded knowingly, “Alright, I’ll keep that in mind.” Following him inside he tossed his duffle bag to the ground and pulled out some clean clothes and stuffed his sweaty red shirt in the duffles bag before disappearing to the bathroom and turning on the shower.

A few minutes later you found yourself reading a magazine. Something about Bruce Wayne and another charity he supported. Seems like a nice guy. Shortly after you thought maybe you’d be nice and wash his clothes. You needed to do your own laundry anyway. It was starting to pile up. Reaching into the back you pull out the shirt with just your pointer finger and thumb and the shorts. That’s when something caught your eye, something bright yellow. Touching the fabric it felt soft. Pulling it out more revealed the rest of the suit, the yellow turned out to be a cape with black on the other side. Under the cape however…was a suit. Not just any red and green suit, the Robin suit. Your mouth practically dropped to the floor. Is Jason Robin? Is this fake? No it could be, the suit is too well made to be a costume. Wait, if Jason is Robin does that mean Bruce knows? Wait…is Bruce Batman? No that can’t be right could it? The sound of the bathroom door opening snagged your attention. There stood Jason with worry in his expression. “YOU’RE ROB-“ Jason tackled you to the bed, his hand cupping your mouth, his face panicking. “Shhhhh, please, just be calm. Relax. I’ll explain everything.” He took a moment to look at you and recompose himself. “If I let you go, will you be quiet?” After you nodded in agreement he let go and got off of you help g you sit up. “Okay, um, I am Robin. I’ve been Robin for a while now. You know, fighting crime and helping Batman.” You listened as he spilled everything. Putting his trust in you. “I need you to keep this to yourself, okay?” Nodding you agree. “I promise.your secret is safe with me. On a lighter note-“ you smile feeling excited “you being Robin explains so much. Would you be willing to…can you put on the suit and show me. I wanna see it up close!” Jason laughed and agreed,

Sometimes you wonder if you didn’t know if Jason suddenly disappearing and never being able to come back would have made it easier.

[kpopcafeeee]

Captain save a hoe

Pairing: mark lee x fem! Reader

Genre: fluff, angst, Spider-Man au

Word count: I forgot

Warnings: smut if you squint REALLY HARDDD, y/n falls from a building like two times (everybody’s ok), kissing, cussing, fighting, other idols mentioned , not in this chapter yet

Summary: your boyfriend has been acting suspicious and weird lately and has been canceling on your dates making up excuses that doesn’t make sense anymore so you try to get to the bottom of it but deeply regret doing that after

A/N: THIS IS MY FIRST ANGST/FLUFF so if it’s bad tell me 🤕 and also the song below reminded me of Spider-Man mark costume so yeah and it’s a y/n point of view and mark point of view story.

MDNI 🔞

You’re sitting alone in a coffee shop where your best friend said you guys were gonna meet at for lunch since you guys haven’t seen each other in forever until you got a phone call from him “hello?” You said “h-hey y/n” mark says grunting, you couldn’t hear him clearly it was like he was fight someone or something.

“mark where are you?” You say getting anger by the second “there was a villain nearby so we had to go into lockdown” he said “are you ok you aren’t hurt are you?” You said genuinely worried about your boyfriend “I’m fine you need get to safe place” he said “I will” you said “be safe” is the last thing he said before he hung up.

You walk out of cafe to go back home when suddenly your swooped up by something by the waist and being high off the ground, the first thing you do scream. The villain laughing at you “silly girl Spider-Man’s to busy right now” he says flying to a building and standing with you at the edge of the building, cars looking small from the view.

“somebody help me!” You say trying to wiggle out of the grip of the villain “oh there he is” the villain says. “Let go of her!” The so called hero says swinging to you and the villain “oh well ok” is all the villain says before he pushes you off the edge of the tall building

The villain laughing until kicked by Spider-Man and tied into a web “shit y/n- ma’am!” Your losing conscious every second of falling off the tall building.

He dives down the building to save you from falling to you’re death but isn’t close enough to reach you “s-shit” he shoots a web onto another building and swings in just in time to save you, he swings his way to a safe place where half the town was destroyed. He spots a small store and carry you to the back of store and tell the stores owner to keep an eye on you while he gos and turn the villain in to the police.

-

After the incident you were confused on who the hell was this Spider-Man guy and why have you never heard of him before. Your snapped out of your trance when mark sat beside you smiling “is something wrong?” He asked his eyebrow lifting “n-no I was just spaced out for a minute that’s all” you said smiling to reassure him that you’re fine.

“Well jeno wanted to invite us to his party wannna go together?” He asks “it’s this today tho” he says lifting one of his eyebrow up “sure i don’t have study today anyway” you say happily, “ok I’ll pick you up at 6 then?” He says “yeah sure”you say, going back to eating your food and talking with mark.

-

Marks point of view

He was driving to pick up y/n when his watch started to go off “danger danger” the watch said “shit what now” he said stoping and pulling into a half dead parking lot. Putting on his suit he gets out of his car and starts shooting webs onto buildings and swing off onto another.

There he sees a big monster destroying half of the town “what the hell is this thing” he says. As he’s coming close to the monster he sees the monster stepping on everything “Hey big guy go pick on someone your own sizes, huh?” He says standing infront of the big monster, the monster roars loudly and starts to walk off with the woman “I guess that’s a no then” he mumbles. Mark swings close to the monster and shoots his web onto a car that’s light unlike others earning “hey that’s my car!” From a bystander “sorry!” He says throwing the car at the back of the monsters neck to get its attention “hey big guy we can do this the easy way or hard way” when all does is get a roar and a pole thrown at him he goes the hard way.

He starts to swing in front of the big monster until he’s close enough to his face and swings in and kicks the monsters face, the monster tries to grab him by the foot but instead of that he get webs in his eyes, the monster roars as he is now blinded by the webs in his face, Spider-Man then takes the chance to get this monster so he kicks the monster right in his chest and the monster falls down. As the monsters falling down he is stopped by a big web and returning to a human sized person. “ I told to we can do this the hard way or easy way bud and you chose hard” he says under his breath as he wraps the monster in his webs for the police to get the strange man. As he’s giving him to the police interviewers started to come up to talk to the famous Spider-Man asking him how’s it like to be a hero and how did he get these powers but all he focused about is you and if your mad at him right now “I would like to answer you guys questions but I have to get going” he says shooting a web onto a building and swinging away from the swarm.

-

Y/n point of view

Your standing outside on your porch ready to party and talk with your friends until mark doesn’t show up And is 10 minutes late already.

“what hell is taking him so long” you say getting angry every second, you already called him about 20 times and still haven’t gotten a answer from him.

You waited about 10 minutes until you go back in the house and left him one hell of a voicemail and tell him that you’re not going anymore.

-

Marks point of view

“Shit” he says as he swings back to his car and looks at the time “y/n is gonna kill me” he says taking off his costume and putting normal clothes on. As he’s about to text you an apology and ask you to forgive him he sees a voicemail from you.

“I’m really disappointed of you mark you haven’t been answering my calls or texts and you’ve been late to every hangout we have it’s getting really and I know I’m not your girlfriend but I’m your best friend and if you don’t have time for me just tell me don’t make up some lame ass excuse on why your late if you get this don’t worry about picking me up I’m staying home, bye” she said “fuck i messed up bad”

TO BE CONTINUED

I know this story is ass 🫢

[superiorsturgeon]

Domestic Arkos Role Reversal

Pyrrha: *distressed, reading the mail* Oh, no! I lost another sponsorship! And just when huntress jobs are running short, too!

Jaune: *wraps Pyrrha in a hug* Darn, that’s too bad. I guess I can go back to my old job being a crossing guard to make ends meet and you can stay home with Jamie for now?

Pyrrha: I suppose it would be nice to spend time at home with our son…

Pyrrha: Okay, let’s do it!

———————————————————————

Jaune: *heading out the door* Love you both! Be good for your mom, Jamie! Remember to call me if you need help, okay?

Pyrrha: Don’t worry so much! Hurry up or you’ll be late!

Pyrrha: Well, it looks like it’s just you and your mother today, right sweetheart? *looks down at Arkos son*

Jamie: *already has gum in his hair* 😀

Pyrrha: 🤦‍♀️…this day is not off to a good start…

———————————————————————

Pyrrha: *struggling with pot roast recipe and slow cooker instructions* Wait, is “warm” a higher or lower heat than “low?”

*Smoke alarm goes off*

———————————————————————

Pyrrha: *steps on lego while playing with Jamie*

Pyrrha: 😫 FU-

Jamie: 🙂 ?

Pyrrha: *clamps a hand over her mouth and muffles her agonized scream*

———————————————————————

Pyrrha: *pushing grocery cart and reading shopping list*

Pyrrha: How can two adults and a five-year-old need seven pages of groceries?

Pyrrha: And what on Remnant is tarragon?!

———————————————————————

Pyrrha: *removes laundry from dryer*

Pyrrha: *holds up shrunken shirt* 😟

Pyrrha: …Jamie, sweetie, how would you like one of your father’s old shirts?

Jamie: 🙃

———————————————————————

Jamie: *running around happily with the other children at the park*

Pyrrha: *slumps on a bench* Ugh…how can one little boy have so much energy…? 😮‍💨

Pyrrha: Maybe I can just rest here for a minute…

Pyrrha: 😴

Random Mother: …excuse me? Miss? Isn’t that your son?

Pyrrha: *cracks open one eye* …bwuh…?

Jamie: *on top of jungle gym, losing his balance*

Jamie: 🫨

Pyrrha: 😱

Pyrrha: *launches herself off the bench into a diving catch*

Pyrrha: *heart hammering* Are you okay?!

Jamie: 🥺 *small nod*

Pyrrha: *flops on the ground clutching her son*

———————————————————————

Pyrrha: *holding napping Jamie on her shoulder during PTA meeting*

Jamie: 😪 *drools a bit on Pyrrha’s shirt*

Pyrrha: I’ve never been so bored in my life…🥱

———————————————————————

Jaune: *opens door to Arkos house* Hello! I’m home!

Jamie: Daddy! *runs to the door*

Jaune: Hey, there’s my little guy! *scoops up his son as he walks inside* How was your day with mommy?

Jamie: We went to the park! Mommy’s sleepy though!

Pyrrha: *passed out on the couch with disheveled hair, stains on her shirt, and a pile of half-opened bills on her lap as her son’s favorite cartoon plays on the tv* 😴

Jaune: *bends down and gently shakes Pyrrha’s shoulder* Pyr? How are you doing?

Pyrrha: *snorts and jerks awake* What? Huh? Jamie, be careful with that-!

Pyrrha: Oh, Jaune…! Welcome home! How was work? 🥱

Jaune: *adjusts Jamie in his arms* Just like I remembered! Helping kids cross the street, politely telling some of the moms that I’m very taken! 😁

Pyrrha: *exhausted pout* I’m much too tired for jokes, Jaune…😣

Jaune: Okay, okay! Let me put my stuff away and we’ll see about dinner!

Jamie: Pizza? 😃

Jaune: *looks at the stack of dishes in the kitchen with burnt-on food* …yeah, sure little guy! Go wash your hands and daddy will order pizza.

Jamie: 😄 *happily runs to the bathroom*

Pyrrha: *slowly gets up and walks face-first into Jaune’s shoulder* …how do you do it…? I’ve trained for the arena for years and fought Grimm bigger than our house, but I’m so tired after one day at home with my own son…! 😭

Jaune: *wraps Pyrrha in a hug* Don’t worry, Pyr! It just takes some practice! Besides, it’s only until you get another huntress job and get back to being a hero!

Pyrrha: *mumbles into Jaune’s chest* …If you can do this every day while I’m at work, you’re the REAL hero…!

Jaune: Hey, I’m just the loving house husband of Pyrrha Freaking Nikos! I’m sure everyone will be calling you “The Invincible Mom” within the week!

Pyrrha: …

Jaune: …Pyr…?

Pyrrha: *asleep against Jaune* 😴

Jaune: *scoops up exhausted Pyrrha*

Jaune: …she has gum in her hair…

[jaksalot]

League of Villains x Child!Reader

fAll Platonic of course

I’m thinking you, reader, were a grown up and a hero at that

That is until you were hit by a villains quirk and were kidnapped and taken to the LOV before the heroes could save you

Having no memories and being helpless Shigaraki thought this was the perfect opportunity to take you down.

But, unfortunately, Toga and Twice stopped him

Saying something about how cute you are

So he spared you, for now

Toga!

Toga’s a terrible babysitter, I don’t know what to tell you

She almost stabbed you on three different occasions to make you not sad anymore

When she isn’t trying to stab you, she’s like a big sister(that has issues)

She’ll often take you to the mall and be called an excellent by sister by the oblivious people around her

She’ll most definitely steal thing from the store

But it’s for you!

She loves to let you play with her knives

She dresses you up in little cardigans and dresses no matter what gender you are

She’ll do your hair too, even though you might hate it, she’ll sit you down and demand to do your hair

She was denied babysitting privileges after the league found you surrounded by knives

If you gave her a deku plushie, or something that even remotely reminded her of Izuku, she’ll love you until the end of the world.

Her hugs are very scary

Mostly because she’ll breath in your ear and tell you how much you mean to her in a very terrifying way

Twice!

Twice is the greatest/worst babysitter on the team

He’ll give you cuddles, and then suddenly decide you’re gross

Will apologize for hours afterwards though

He confused you 

A lot

But your tiny child brain can’t help it

He’s gonna steal you away from Toga after he saw you playing with knives

No child is going to lose their finger on his watch

He’s often in the background when you’re playing with Toga, making sure she doesn’t hurt you too badly

He loves you/hates you at the same time

I mean look at how cute you are

But you’re taking all the attention off of him from Toga

Little attention grabber

Will mistakenly give you booze, but then over react when he remembers booze for babies is wrong

Goes all throughout the league trying to find a cure

Atleast until Dabi trips him and tells him to shut up

Twice will take you to the park at night, or just walk you around

If you can’t sleep he’ll probably waste out all of your energy running around, and then you’ll pass out on the way back home

Saved you from being lit on fire or turned into dust many times

Mr Compress!!!

He’d be a very fun guy to be around, and probably is great at entertaining kids

If you can’t sit still long enough to watch his magic show he’ll absolutely teach you

But you can’t teach with those baby rags on your body

Shopping it is! 

Will be like Toga and dress you up in a matching uniform with him

Little assistant

You’ll sometimes eat his marbles and give him a heartattack

What if one carried acid and you just injested it????

You’re one of the few that have seen his actual face

Which you hated

He’ll take you to renaissance fairs and perhaps a rodeo or two 

Just for fun

Will teach you to steal

But with flash

He’ll turn Dabi or Shigaraki into a marble if they ever try to hurt you

Problem easily solved

You’ll stay in his room for a while

At least until Dabi learns that you’ve been eating marbles and will casually snatch you up one night

Kurogiri!!!

Father of the year award goes to:

He’s very responsible with you, and raises you like he did with Shigaraki

Gives you an ipad and sits you down on the couch

Lets say, just for some reason, you HATE that ipad

Maybe it’s been touched by stinky Tomura 

Or you just hate technology as a child

You would get in the way with everyone else

And despite you being a hero you’re still a child

A child that Kurogiri adores

He’d absolutely carry you around and let you rest on a dark cloud pillow he created

Will NOT let you drink anything in the bar

You’ll cry if he’s not right there with you, so he just gives you some applejuice and a book to read

(He’s raising an introvert) 

I’d find it funny if he gave you a wine glass and poured applejuice into it and called it “Wine”

He’d bust out a gut from laughing so hard if you acted like a customer

Stealing some money and slamming it down on the counter

He calls you his little shadow and wraps you up in his mist

When you’re playing hide and seek with Toga and Twice he’ll hide you in his mist and when they both give up you’ll jump out

He gets emotional when you call him dad

He’ll take you on walks at night like Twice, and will treat you to little fast food places(eventhough he despises them)

Shigaraki

Crusty Big Brother

Will shove you around

Acts like a little brat 

Teaches you terrible things

“Hey kid go decorate Dabi’s room with this endeavor merch I somehow found lying around”

He treats you like shit, but platonically

The more you’re around him, the more he’ll let you play star dew valley with him

You two will just hang out in his room after a big mission

He’ll play league of legends and you’ll play star dew valley

This man will absolutely murder for you though

He’s like a mean big brother that will kill if someone hurts you

You find his quirk very funny and will laugh if he dusts something

You two are a menace to society

Sometimes when the itch gets too bad he’ll cuddle you

He’ll either cuddle or tease you

depends on his status

He got so proud so quickly when you said he was better than All Might

Bro practically crashed when you somehow made a plushie of him

When Kurogiri is busy he’ll just take you to the mall or even a playground to run around in

The king of terrible fast food places

Finally

The one you simps have been waiting for

Dabi!

This man knows his shit about kids

He might be burning himself and have family issues

But he has the most experience

You’re def infatuated with his quirk

You find it so cool!!!

He’ll find it very flattering and will sometimes show you

But it’ll only last for a few seconds

Will tell you stories about things he’s done

don’t be surprised if they’re lies

This man has a tattoo some where I just know it

And when you find it you’ll use markers to color it in

It’ll look terrible, and he’ll be honest with you about that

Play fights

All the time

He got you a shirt that said “Fuck Endeavor”

He calls you shit stain

While you call him “Dab-Dab”

Will take you arson hunting with him

By that I mean that he’ll take you with him when he lights something on fire

After he found out Mr Compress wasn’t stopping you from eating unknown marbles you were snatched with him

He have a tiny little mattress beside his

He’ll wake you up by throwing his blankets on top of you

Will carry you around the league so you don’t get trampled by villains

If someone ever hurts or talks bad about you at the league

Don’t worry

They don’t exist anymore

He’s a good big brother

Just not very good at not murdering people

Thank you for reading! I am always taking requests so pop one in through the asks. 

[fictional-orphan-smackdown]

tbh I just thought it'd be funny to pit a character from one of the most formative pieces of literature against a character from the funny cat books

All propaganda and what each competitor is from under the cut

Frodo Baggins (Lord of the Rings)

Frodo demonstrates incredible tenacity, intelligence, and heart. His growth and struggle is amazing, and he’s a hero who fails!! But because he inspires such love and loyalty in his friends, his quest succeeds. He’s a tragic hero, a model that so many fantasy books misunderstood and even still were inspired to copy nonetheless. I think the fact that he is an orphan isn’t as important as it is for some characters, but it is important to some extent, emphasizing the loneliness of being a ring bearer, as well as the strength of his relationships with his friends. His parents are also descriptive of his personality, his mother being a descendent of the Tooks, the most adventurous Hobbit lineage, and his father being from the more genteel-in-bearing Baggins’. Frodo is a reluctant hero, only accepting the role, and enough adventure for a lifetime, only once it was clear he was the best option. He was polite and refined, even in absolutely foreign circumstances, and, in a bit of parallelism, not only saves his best friend from drowning, but in the end, sails away in a boat to a new life.

The things this guy endures to save the world are horrifying. There are plenty of other stronger people who think they can do it better than this humble, meek, unassuming halfling but they can't begin to understand. This mission isn't a privilege, it's a burden. He's trying to do the ultimate stealth ops when he's public enemy number one, with the enemy's life force wrapped around his neck like an anchor, corrupting his body and mind with every single step. Think about the most exhausted you've ever been. Then imagine having to walk nearly 2000 miles with that exhaustion, little to no food or water, getting stabbed, poisoned, hunted down, while carrying the full weight of the worst person you can think of as they try to drive you insane every second of every day. And he still makes it, for the sake of his home, his friends, his whole world. Is it any wonder he struggles to find peace after an experience like that? He deserves so much.

Frostpaw (Warrior Cats)

Frostpaw was born within a cat group called Riverclan. She has two siblings, graypaw and mistpaw. She was made the medicine cat’s - Mothwing - due to Frostpaw having a vision of her father dying as a kit. She is quite traumatized, seeing her leader die, finding the deputy’s murdered body, and hearing her mother being mauled to death all in one book. She eventually decides to become a warrior apprentice, possibly and/or probably due to her stating that she’s not having visions from Starclan. She had a crush on an adult, Splashtail, who (unbeknownst for Frostpaw at the time) killed Reedwhisker, the deputy. Splashtail also attempted to kill Frostpaw after she told him that she had a vision of Reedwhisker’s death. Her mother, Curlfeather, also teamed up with Splashtail in order to end Reedwhisker’s life for power over her clan, and probably manipulated Frostpaw before her death because of this as well. Frostpaw went on a journey with a Thunderclan cat, Nightheart, in order to go to a group of cats, called the Cats of the Park, due to the deceased first leader of Riverclan, Riverstar, telling Frostpaw to do so. She meets and befriends from cats within the group, including a cat named Wafflepaw.

[dark-elf-writes]

Tenya being the guy who buys all the baby books so he can help with Teddy. Who seriously questions Tsu or anyone in the room about their siblings. Tenya who proudly shows picture after picture after picture and videos of Teddy changing his hair or eyes or whatever. (Izuku being the nicest of the class about it but even he debates about shoving him out a window once it’s been five minutes)

Tenya sitting through classes about PTSD for his soulmate. Learning how to cook for him. Learning about magic and deciding: alright then imma learn everything.

Harry who will tear apart AFO for Tenya so no more tears come. Who has Hizashi by his side (Hizashi with a broken mark who sobs when being near Kurogiri makes it whole again) trying to help.

Harry and Tenya getting to know each other. Long walks in the park. Ice cream dates. Both playing with Teddy.

(Harry who whispers to Izuku whom had a mark that shone when Shigaraki was around of a girl who’d had a diary and her mark was to bright. Who had to move on)

… this got away from me

Tenya who cries when Teddy changes his hair to dark blue rather than its normal cotton candy blue for the first time. Who offers to babysit so Harry can get some much needed rest when Hizashi is out on patrol and Harry can’t let his guard down because that would leave Teddy unprotected. Who took a page out of Izuku’s book and carries around a notebook or notebooks where he jots down information of psychology or child rearing whenever he can. Who pushes himself even harder in his training to make sure Harry isn’t put in a place that will hurt him so badly again. who swears to be the hero so Harry is free to live a life of comfort and safety like he has never been able to.

Tenya who puts two and two together and asks Harry if his quirk isn’t a quirk and comforts him through the following panic attack. Who proves each and every day that he doesn’t see Harry’s magic as something other or freakish. Who further proves, even after he learns about Harry’s fame and the blood on his hands to get it, that he still sees Just Harry.

Harry who holds Tenya as he shatters in the hallway of a hospital, his magic making the lights flicker as he tries to breathe through the rage that someone hurt one of his people. That by hurting them he also hurt Tenya. Harry who is stopped at the door by an all too knowing Hizashi who makes him sit and think it through (he wasn’t alone anymore. Didn’t have to run half cocked to certain doom. He had people, adults, who would listen to him, help him, and would watch his back.) Harry who has to stop Hizashi in turn when they put two and two together for why their mark shines around Kurogiri and promises them with a voice steady as stone that the man who did this to them, to their soulmate, will pay. Who has the bearing of a general as he swears that no one else will be taken by that monster.

(Who curses that promise even as he apparates into what looks like an active war zone in time to face off with a monster to save Tenya and his friends. Twice.)

The slow healing and building of trust in quiet moments that neither Harry nor Tenya allowed themselves to believe they would have.

(Izuku who learns through Harry’s sad smile and all too knowing eyes that soulmates aren’t always good for you and sometimes it is better to let go and look for happiness elsewhere. That learns that destiny and fate and years long wars set on their shoulders aren’t something they have to bow to. That they can forge their own path even if it’s not the one that was expected of them even if it hurts.

Izuku who mourns for a boy they never met and vows to fight in his name even if he’s fighting against the man he became.)

[whchenlvr]

Can I make request for Donald, Gray, Ben, Gerard, Jake & Wolf??

Them with a... smol s/o?? And her cheeks is so bite able squish able??

Thank Youu ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

AJDJSJSK CUTE YES <33 the members 🤌

when you’re smol ;

weak hero x fem!reader

donald na

➤ oh my god, he is so whipped

➤ if you ever want anything, all you have to do is look up at him, puff your cheeks out a bit, and this man is on his knees

➤ “donald, can we get ice cream pops after your meeting?” “i will buy you the whole store.” “no, just one—!” “the whole store.”

➤ no matter how hard he tries, you don’t let him buy the store

➤ still, donald is always aware of the dangers that come with you being so small. if he isn’t holding your hand every time you’re out together, his hand is resting comfortingly on your shoulder. he’s made it obvious to you and everyone else that he isn’t letting anything happen to you :)

gray yeon

➤ no cause gray is always the smallest in his friend groups, so the fact that you’re itty bitty has him melting every time he sees you

➤ “gray? i can’t reach...” this boy has literal stars in his eyes because you asked him to grab something off the top shelf

➤ after he helps you, gray cannot stop himself from pinching your cheek. it always makes you blush, which makes him blush right back at you

➤ he’s pretty shy when it comes to complimenting you, but whenever you do something clumsy or just anything at all, really, you’ll catch gray murmuring a quiet “cute” under his breath

➤ i can see him literally crumbling on the inside when you instinctively reach for his hand when walking beside each other, and he’s just red with blush

ben park

➤ he cannot keep his hands off you

➤ ben is a big guy. his nickname is literally big ben. you don’t have a nickname, but if you did, it’d have some small synonym in it somewhere

➤ you are his baby. if you want something, it’s yours. wanna go to the aquarium after school? done. need help with your homework? ben is up the night before studying so he can help you pass

➤ he likes to carry you around (you do as well), usually on his back when you claim your feet hurt or when you’re tired

➤ “what’s wrong?” “hm? oh, i’m fine! just a lil sleepy… i can walk!” “you’re not walking.” “i am.” “you’re not.” “.. i’m not.”

gerard jin

➤ this giant OMG i love him (you do too ;))

➤ no he’s Actually obsessed with you

➤ because of your height, gerard is so protective of you. he’s always super cautious of your surroundings and makes sure you’re always out of harm's way

➤ when you walk together in public, he always stands between you and danger. in most cases, the road

➤ you don’t have to do anything. gerard’s the boyfriend to tie your shoes for you, and the only payment he asks is to poke your cheek, and he’s always super gentle with you

jake ji

➤ jake has an unhealthy obsession with your cheeks. he literally cannot keep his hands to himself

➤ there are times you have to swat him away and like five seconds later he’s back to squishing and massaging your face

➤ when you scold him, his excuse is always “i can’t help it, you’re too cute! look on the bright side, y/n, now you can save money on blush!” he does have a point tho

➤ you like watching tv shows and movies together, and jake always finds a way to seat you on his lap. at first, you were concerned that he couldn’t see with you in the way, but he was more than happy to assure you that he doesn’t mind

➤ loves when you fall asleep so he can carry you to bed. “why are you so adorable?” “hmm~” “hehe, cutie~~~”

wolf keum

➤ that boyfriend who ties a balloon around your wrist when you’re in a crowded area so he doesn’t lose you

➤ doesn’t stop you from wandering off, and wolf’s grown accustomed to looking for the balloon before looking for you since you’re almost never where he left you

➤ when he finds you, he’ll pick you up and toss you over his shoulder like a bag of flour

➤ i will not lie, wolf bites. sometimes the two of you just stare at each other after a conversation, and he cannot stop himself from “kissing” your cheek, leaving you with a little red mark and a smirking boyfriend

➤ idk why, but he would audibly say “squish” every time he touches your cheek or arm or thigh. you could be chilling with some cereal and he comes up to poke you. “squish.”

[arlana-likes-to-write]

A Trip Back Home

Family is More than Blood Masterlist 

Summary: A quick trip to Ohio with your sisters isn’t exactly what you were expecting. *Based on the deleted scene from the Black Widow movie* 

Warning: Small amount of angst, fluff

Word Count: 684 

It was weird being back here. The houses were a little different, outside walls were painted, and newly planted flowers, and toys you didn’t recognize laid in the grass. That was the thing about the passage of time. Families you used to know moved out and new families made the house their home. With all the differences, there was something familiar about the neighborhood you used to call home as you drove down the street. It was quiet in the car, your sisters seemed to be lost in memories probably similar to your own. This trip wasn’t your idea, it was Yelena’s. She wanted to see the only childhood home any of you knew. 

Kids were riding their bikes up and down the street, waiting for their parents to call them inside for bed. It reminded you of a time you and Natasha would race down the same streets and when the street lights turned on you knew it was time to go home. Your grip on the steering wheel tightened. 

Finally, you parked the car on the side of the street and stared at the place you used to call home. You weren’t sure how long you and your sisters sat in silence but Natasha was the first to move and get out of the car. Yelena soon followed. Then it was just you, alone, and the silence was a little too loud. You put the hood of your sweatshirt up and got out of the car. They were waiting for you on the sidewalk. “It feels weird being here, right?” Yelena asked, breaking the silence. 

“Extremely,” Natasha said, glancing at the kids playing. You hummed your agreement. It was weird being back in the place where you felt normal and safe but it was taken away from you. Your hands began to shake and you placed them in your pocket. “Do you ever wonder what our life would be if Alexei and Melina didn’t follow orders?”

“All the time,” you whispered. It was probably unhealthy how much you thought about it. Would you have graduated high school? Played a sport or done theater? Would you have to sneak out of the house on Friday nights to go to parties? A small gasp made you stop. The sound came from a young girl, no more than 10 years old. She stared at your sisters and once she got over her shock, she mimicked the way you used widow bites. Yelena giggled and she and Natasha mirrored her. It must have been a common occurrence for them as they didn’t bait an eye when she came up to you. She waved and ran back to her friends. Your sisters continued to walk and you followed but your mind began to spiral. 

Life was a complicated mess of butterflies' effects. If Melina and Alexei stood up to Dreykov would your sisters have been given the chance to become Avengers? If they weren’t who would these little girls look up to? It wouldn’t be you, that girl didn’t even look in your direction. All three of you were trained killers except you weren’t the one on the covers of magazines. You weren’t the killer little girls called their hero. 

“I think we had to go through the Red Room,” you finally spoke as you stood in front of the house. “All that pain and suffering got us here.” 

“You got us here,” Yelena reminded you, bumping her shoulder against yours. 

“I think we all played a part in it.” You smiled. 

“I think,” she paused. “We should go get some ice cream,” Natasha teased. You laughed, shaking your head. You didn’t stay long at the house you called home for 3 years. It wasn’t home anymore. At the moment home was the Avenger’s compound because that was where Natasha and Yelena were. You smiled, placing your arms around them. 

“You guys are my heroes,” you said. 

“And you're ours,” Natasha whispered. You chuckled. It didn’t matter you weren’t a hero to the world but if they thought you were a hero then that’s all that mattered.  

[amischiefofmuses]

@atcmicbxtty sent: “Look, I don’t want to come across as rude, but I really don’t need any form of protection. I can handle on my own. This isn’t the first time I’ve done this…” For Deadpool. Unprompted

-- ❝Now slow your roll there, little missy. You can't just walk into a firefight-❞ A pause, peering around the corner onto the main street to fire a few rounds, following by the metal clangs of returned bullets hitting nearby parked cars as he ducks again. He's not about to let a kid walk out there, regardless of how reckless he can be, he's not convinced the redhead won't be turned into paste. ❝These are REAL bad guys with REAL bullets and you will go down with a REAL bad case of being DEAD. Pretty sure that goes against the whole hero arc I've been putting real time and effort into.❞

[mysteriesmuse]

Offices are for Cat Naps

You groan swiping at your eyes with the sleeves of your oversized sweater.

“Hitoshi,” you whine. Stumbling in your tall stealth boots, “this is the third day in a row where they’ve done nothing!” Next to you, your partner lays a warm hand on your shoulder steering you away from cars, and telephone poles, and other obstacles in the parking lot. “I know, Sweets. We’re getting closer though. Narrowed it down for them. Maybe they’ll find the headquarters next time while we sleep.” you groan in agreement, leaning against Hitoshi’s shoulder as he swipes y’all into the agency’s back door. The digital clock in the hallway blinks 4:58AM at the two of you as you trudge into the elevator to head down to your offices. your vision has gone fuzzy from how long you’ve been awake without sleeping properly and Hitoshi’s dark purple eye bags are back in full swing. The familiar elevator music promises the chance for sleep as you ride down to your floor.

Unfortunately, the agency you work at is extremely busy at this time. the doors open and the two of you are meet with a surprising buzz of activities. there’s a dozen employees each running around with a fresh mug of coffee. Nearly all of them with comms in ear as they flit around an assault of computer screens. the smell makes you press a hand to your mouth as something bubbles up in your throat. you stare up at Hitoshi as he slouches into the room ahead of you. His nose already wrinkled. you’ve had too much of the magic bean juice these past couple of days. Anymore and you’d definitely be sick. “hey! What’s the haps team HeartAche?” you flash a little smile as you decline the mug that’s being shoved into your direction to which Hitoshi, to your surprise and disgust, takes and chugs.

You gag.

“Tell the daytime guys it isn’t the building on 4ths street. Whatever they saw going doesn’t have consistent enough activity to be the main building. Toshi’ has the surveillance memory stick.” “Another dud’. We’ll let them know.”

The employee beelines back to a desk and immediately starts to frantically type away. You sigh and slink behind the coffee bars counter and poor yourself a mug of steaming water and rummage through the decaffeinated selections of tea. as you’re riffling you can hear Hitoshi set his mug down and speak, “what is going on?” “Serious bank robbery reported 15 minutes ago by Sugarman. There’s a request to send in EraserHead due to one of the villains spotted. Dangerous quirk.” “Ah, well that explains all the energy in here.” you drop the tea bag into your mug and join the busy office fray.

“No kidding,” you observe the blurry blue map and sip, “oh yeah, he’s way too far away to catch the getaway van.” bringing your mug down you tap at the rim, tea beginning to steep, “send over a Mic-mobile,” you wave a hand, “That’ll make up some time.” “he won’t like it.” Hitoshi chides. “isn’t not like he hasn’t used it before. He just doesn’t like the fact that it generates a lot of press when he uses it.” “Either way we’ll get right on that SweetHeart.” you smile a lopsided grin at your hero name, such a nice ring to it. Hitoshi let’s out a chuckle at your face, “ok miss sweetheart. Let’s get to bed you’re tired.” You hum waving a lackluster “good morning.” To the team as you follow Hitoshi down the hall to your offices. you continue to clumsily trudge into the darkly light hallway where you see Hitoshi take a left hand turn. “Wrong one,” you call. walking in seconds later to find him already sitting on your couch. Head of crazy purple hair already thrown back as his adam’s apple bobs, “please. too tired to move.” you playfully groan kicking your door shut and blindly walking over to slump on the couch next to him, “need a hand?” you ask. he only groans at the two of you stare at your ceiling. laying down you throw your legs over his lap and start to wave a hand through the air as you stare at him. trying to use your quirk to intice his body into sleep by creating melatonin. As you stare through the visors you’ve practically neglected at Hiroshi’s sprawled form he starts to unzip the tall gogos hidden underneath the wide leg of your jumpsuit. “and you?” He asks as he blindly fiddles with the tingly zipper. you continue to wave your fingers, “one more minute. And yes.” he drops your boots to the floor and stretches his arms out above his head as he waits. “y/n?” you reply, “yes.” feeling the fuzzy and gentle tinkle wrap around your brain like a good memory. “go to sleep,” Hitoshi orders. Your body corresponding immediately with his quirk as your arm flops onto your stomach and eyes shut. Hitoshi gives a crazed signature grin as you simply pass off to sleep so easily. He can feel the effects of your own quirk slowly dragging his body into sleep. he waits in the dark, hearing you snooze and twitch. And like an amazing friend he rolls up the bottom of your pants and starts to massage your ankles sleepily working his way to your calves before you turn and wringle in your sleep. with a satisfied hum he tightens the strings of the hoodie that he’s thrown on over his own hero suit and falls asleep with your legs thrown over him on your couch.

after all, that’s what these were for.

[paladin-of-nerd-fandom65]

Got some more :D

1: does Meredith knows Jake’s identity as sky bird, like MJ from the spider-man comics?

2: does the duo have any “little kid” fears like the dark?

3: I’ve read a earlier post about a band called the sidekicks, is it a band for their secret identity, superhero identity, or is it just a band for friends and family to see?

4: does the duo celebrate thanksgiving? (Probably so) what are they thankful for?

5: besides school and patrol, do they go anyplace else like the zoo or movies?

6: silly question, what’s their opinion on toilet humor? 1-10, 1 being meh & eye roll and 10 being laughing with tears in their eyes.

Sorry for taking a while to get to these @gothicghost2000 but hey better late than never I suppose lol

1. While originally I thought about her not knowing about Skybird at least until later when Jake and her are in either senior high school or college, now that I’ve thought about it, I can totally see Jake trusting his superhero identity with her and she becomes a viable partner with him. While not donning a suit herself, she can provide him some clues and into from the streets due to her living within downtown Bludhaven akin to how MJ helps out Peter and Miles in the Insomniac games

2. Mainly Chris gets very uncomfortable with booster shots and needles, especially blood tests while Jake has some issues with spiders when up close to them or even with close up pictures of them

3. It’s mainly for their non hero identity. Chris and Jake are the primary members of the band while anyone of their friends or loved ones can fill in for the other instruments depending on the situation. For example, one show they play at a local park, it can be Mar’i and Jon on rhythm and lead guitar respectively while at another like say at their school dance, it can Thara and Meredith

4. Oh certainly yes. Above all else, they’re thankful for their loved ones, friends, all the things material and emotional they’ve gotten in their lives and the Duo are especially thankful to Martha for being the one in charge in preparing this dinner and guiding the two in making it as their way to help out

5. They like to frequently visit both Melville Park in Bludhaven and Metropolis’ Centennial Park for walks with their dogs, practicing some basketball on their courts, small jamming with their instruments or just kicking back and admiring the nature all around them.

They also do like visiting movies as a part of their little hobby of running a small vlog video channel about many things, and reacting to the films they see in theaters is certainly a crowd pleaser. Jake handles telling about the general details about what the two liked or disliked about the movie while Chris is the Spoilers guy more or less.

6. Chris gets a 5 regarding toilet humor. He’s able to somehow manage what determines as good toilet humor or not which plays into his overall opinion about the type of comedy. Meanwhile Jake has it at 2 at best since he’s smelled plenty of sewer smells during his strolls across the city, whether on patrol or not, so toilet humor isn’t as strong with him as one might think

[fluentmoviequoter]

Mom and Dad are Fighting Again

Requested Here!

The Bradfords Series Masterlist

Pairing: Tim Bradford x fem!cop!wife!reader

Summary: You and Tim become Lucy's station parents, and you show your care for her in different ways.

Warnings: fluff, brief angst, grumpy!Tim to softie!Tim, "mom and dad are fighting again" is a Castle reference

Word Count: 2.5k+ words

“Bradford!” Wade calls.

“Which one?” you and Tim ask together.

Wade sighs, and Angela adds, “He’s tired just thinking about the conversation. That means he needs Tim.”

“Tim,” Wade clarifies. “Let the other Bradford help Chen prep the shop. I need to talk to you about something.”

“Ooh,” Angela and Lucy taunt.

You roll your eyes, but it is a bit like being called into the principal’s office. Luckily, Tim and Wade get along well. You tap Lucy’s shoulder and wave for her to follow you. After you sign for your gear, Lucy gets hers and Tim’s. Once you’re in the garage and your bag is in your shop, Lucy turns to you with a pout.

“If a Bradford had to be my TO, why couldn’t it have been you?” she asks.

“Tim is the best there is, Luce. I know he can be grumpy and push a little too hard, but I promise learning from him is worth it,” you reply.

“At least I have you to stand up for me.”

“Ah, so that’s why you wanted to be my friend.”

“We’re cops, not friends,” Tim interjects as he walks out of the doorway behind you. “Let’s go, boot.”

“We’re not friends,” Lucy murmurs under her breath. “Says the guy who’s married to another cop.”

“What was that?” Tim asks.

“Tim,” you warn gently.

You shake your head, and he takes a deep breath before getting in the driver’s seat. As you climb into your shop beside him, Lucy rolls her window down and gestures for you to do the same.

“Dad says he loves you,” she says with a wide smile.

“Chen!” Tim yells.

“I love him too. Be safe, both of you,” you call before pulling out.

“We need to talk about boundaries, Chen,” Tim grumbles.

“Better than not talking,” she argues.

Tim leans against the side of the shop and stares straight ahead. It’s an interesting situation, but no matter how long he looks, he can’t decide what the best approach is. Lucy has spouted numerous ideas, and he’s vetoed each one.

“We could call for a lift truck,” she suggests as she paces on the sidewalk.

“Can’t get close enough,” Tim replies.

“Then you know what we have to do.”

Tim looks at Lucy, who now has her hands on her hips and a determined look.

“We have to call smarter reinforcements. Call Bradford,” she demands.

“I’m not calling my wife because we can’t- how could she even help?”

“She’s brilliant. You of all people have to know that.”

“Sounds like you should be running her fan club,” Tim complains.

“Having a hero isn’t wrong. If you don’t call her, I will.”

“And I’ll write you up.”

Lucy sighs and turns to look at the scene again. Tim runs through a few more ideas in his mind, but they all end in a worse situation than the current one. He sighs as he pulls his phone out of his pocket.

“Hey,” he greets when you answer.

Lucy turns around quickly and claps quietly. Tim glares at her, but her excitement doesn’t diminish as he continues talking to you.

“Are you busy?” he asks.

“Just tell her we need help!” Lucy implores.

“Yeah, that’s Chen. And we do need help.”

Lucy pumps a fist over her head in victory. When Tim ends the call, though, she steps back and quiets.

A few minutes later, you park beside Tim’s shop and exit your car with a smile.

“Someone called for the cavalry?” you joke. “So, what’s so strange Tim Bradford had to call for backup?”

Tim doesn’t answer but grabs your waist and leads you to stand between him and Lucy. He points up through a gap in the trees and you follow his finger. Your responding “huh” does little to make Tim think you’ll have an easier time solving the problem.

“What am I supposed to do about it?” you ask.

Tim turns to glare at Lucy again, and she ducks behind you. You look at Tim from the corner of your eye and he accepts your silent reprimand and gives Lucy some space.

“Did you try to get up there?” you ask.

“No. There’s no good approach,” Tim answers.

“I thought we could climb onto the roof beside it for recon and find a way to reach it,” Lucy says. “Or maybe get a ladder truck in the yard.”

“Roof recon isn’t a terrible idea,” you agree. “Why didn’t you do that?”

“Because I don’t agree that it would get us any more information than we can get from the ground,” Tim explains.

“We can’t get to it from here, though,” Lucy argues. “This park is protected, and we can’t bring CSU out here to traipse all over it. That house is our best bet.”

“Chen, you are not in charge,” Tim snaps.

“Tim,” you warn softly. “Just hear her out.”

“She’s my rookie. I don’t have to do anything she says.”

“I’m not saying to do exactly what she says, but you’re training her, not dictating her. Give her a chance to work this.”

Tim clenches his jaw and breathes out of his nose. The situation is stressful, you know, because every element of being a cop is. But Tim arguing with Lucy will only delay the inevitable.

“Please?” you add. “If her plan to scout from the roof doesn’t work, then I will call the park service and tell them to deal with it.”

“We don’t even know who owns that house.”

“One way to find out,” Lucy says.

You let Lucy take the lead and stand beside Tim on the porch as she talks to the owner of the home. He doesn’t seem inclined to let three police officers climb onto his roof to deal with something that he can’t see.

“I’m done talkin’ to ya,” he says before slamming the door in Lucy’s face. It opens a moment later and he adds, “One more thing.”

You can tell he’s prepared to do something stupid and pull Lucy back quickly. His fist misses her face by an inch, and you move her toward Tim before turning toward the homeowner. His second hit is luckier and lands against the side of your nose, but he’s not trained like you are. When you hit him in the same spot, he goes down hard and fast. You raise your hand to your face and immediately feel blood coming from your nose. There’s likely no real damage, just a busted blood vessel or two.

Lucy begins apologizing as Tim calls for backup and another unit to deal with the issue in the park. He returns his radio to his belt and lays his hands on your shoulders to look at you.

“We’re going back to the shop. Stay with him until backup gets here, Chen,” he commands.

“Yes, sir,” she answers quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, Lucy,” you offer.

“We’ll discuss that later,” Tim interjects. “Let’s go.”

Tim keeps a hand on you during every step of the short walk back to the shop. He presses a wad of gauze under your nose and uses his other hand to tip your head slightly forward. When the top of your head hits his chest, you feel him sigh.

“What would you have done? If Chen wasn’t here?” he asks.

“I don’t know, Tim. A huge, gaudy murder confession nailed to a tree in a park is a new one. Park department wouldn’t have been much help, so it may have been one to pass off. Or trespass.”

Tim looks away from you when Lucy returns. You cover his hand to pull the gauze from your face, and when you see there’s no fresh blood, you pull an antiseptic wipe from the first aid kit and clean the dried blood from your chin and Tim’s hand. Lucy waits silently, and now she looks like the one waiting to be called to see the principal.

“What were you thinking?” Tim demands when you release his hand. “You never just stand in front of someone’s door. If we hadn’t been there, or if he had opened the door with a knife, what would have happened, Chen?”

“It won’t happen again, sir.”

“You’re right it won’t! I don’t know why you refuse to listen to me or remember basic, common procedures, but it will get you killed, and I’m not going to let that happen. I will take your badge if this is the kind of police work you’ll do once you’re out on your own!”

“Tim!” you interrupt. “She messed up. We all have. Maybe let her prove that she learned something before you threaten her career.”

“No! I don’t want her on the streets alone. I don’t want to imagine what I’d hear if she was partnered with you someday.”

“Drop it,” you demand as you stand.

Your chest presses against Tim’s, and his eyes bore into yours. Lucy watches on with her hands pulled tightly behind her back and guilt in her eyes.

“Or what?” Tim asks.

“You’re making it about me. But you’re done yelling at Chen. Lucy, get in my shop, we’re all going back to the station.”

“For what?” Tim scoffs.

“To learn some human decency, apparently. And if you’re still acting like this when we get back, I’m taking Chen for the rest of the week.”

Tim watches you toss the keys to Lucy before she walks away. His brow furrows and you realize he thought you were leaving him to drive back with Lucy.

“You trust her to drive your shop?” he asks.

“What is this about?” you counter. “Because she was just in a bad place, which is the best that could have happened.”

“She doesn’t apply what she knows. Lucy is smart and she’s got instincts, but she gets excited and jumps too soon.”

“Then walk her through everything. Standing back and being a drill sergeant is only going to make her rush more.”

“When did you become an expert on being a TO?”

Tim smiles softly at you, and you pat his chest.

“Guess you’re teaching me, too.”

“Bradford,” Wade calls over the radio. “The guy you booked for assault on an officer is claiming that Chen harassed him. I need your body cams as soon as you return.”

Tim pulls the seatbelt too hard and locks it. You answer Wade that you’ll all be back with your cams shortly. After replacing the radio on the dash, you lay a hand on Tim’s arm and encourage him to take a deep breath.

“That’s not Lucy’s fault,” you remind Tim.

“It was her plan,” Tim responds.

“I agreed with it. Does that make me a terrible cop?”

“Of course it doesn’t, but this isn’t about you!”

“Then what’s it about?” you ask, your voice raising to meet his.

“I feel like I’m failing her and that’s why we keep ending up here!”

Tim huffs as he finishes, and you watch him carefully. His shoulders drop, and you want to hug him but know better than to try while he’s driving.

“You’re not failing her. But there is always room for improvement. Being a teacher doesn’t mean you can’t learn, too.”

“How do you trust her like this?”

“You said it yourself. She’s smart and has good instincts, but she needs a bit of room to learn and hone those skills without feeling pressured to be perfect.”

Tim nods, and you whisper an apology for yelling at him. He shakes his head, and you agree that he doesn’t need to apologize either.

When you exit Wade’s office after surrendering your body cam and making your statement, you hear Angela ask Lucy where you and Tim are. Or, as you’re referred to at the station, The Bradfords.

“Oh, Mom and Dad are fighting again,” Lucy jokes.

“About you?” Angela asks, playing along but aware that Lucy isn’t completely wrong in her phrasing.

“What else?” Lucy counters.

“Chen, a word?” Tim asks as he moves around you.

You watch as he apologizes, and smile to yourself. Angela winks at you as she passes, and you join Tim and Lucy.

“Wade said I could stay with you two for the rest of shift. What are we up to?”

“We still have to deal with the murder confession in the trees,” Tim groans. “Hey, Nolan, have you dealt with a murder confession yet?”

Nolan shakes his head, and Tim looks around for Bishop. When he sees that she’s not close, Tim steps into Wade’s office and asks him to transfer the call to Nolan.

“Thanks, Officer Bradford!” Nolan replies happily.

“No problem,” Tim says.

Lucy hides her smile as she walks beside you. Every moment spent with her requires a level of parenting, and though you’re relatively close in age, you and Tim feel responsible for Lucy. As more than a cop. You show it in your own ways, but she knows how much she means to you and Tim and feels the same.

During one of your very few days off, you want to surprise Tim with dinner. The recipe that you want has seemingly disappeared, though, and you’ll have to call Lucy to get it again. 

When her phone rings, and she answers, “Hey, Mom,” Tim shakes his head.

“No personal calls in my shop,” Tim says.

“You answer for her.”

Tim’s brows furrow until he realizes Lucy isn’t talking to her biological mom, but her station mom. He nods to let her know she can continue talking to you.

“Dad says hi,” she says, just to bother Tim.

“Dad says he needs a day off, too,” Tim grumbles.

“Don’t you dare answer that,” Tim says against your lips. “Date night, not LAPD night.”

“It’s Luce,” you argue as you reach for your phone.

Tim catches your wrist and brings it to his lips to distract you. Your phone rings again, though, and Tim’s chimes with an incoming text. He releases your arm hesitantly and pulls you so he can lay his head against your shoulder.

“Hi, Luce,” you answer.

“Put me on speaker!” she requests happily.

“Alright. Tim and I are both here.”

“I passed my rookie exam! I know you’re both off today, but Sergeant Grey knew we couldn’t wait to hear the results. Thank you, both of you, so much!”

“Congratulations!” you and Tim say together.

“We’ll celebrate when we get back,” you add.

“I knew you could do it,” Tim says. “Good job, Lucy.”

“Okay, okay, I need to call my mom and tell her that she was wrong. Enjoy the rest of your time off.”

The line beeps as she ends the call, and you and Tim lock eyes.

“She called us first, didn’t she?” you ask.

“We really are turning into her parents,” Tim says with an exaggerated shudder.

“You look pretty good for a dad,” you tease. “And you care about Lucy no matter how much you pretend not to.”

Tim looks at you for a moment before asking, “You know Lucy’s real parents set the bar low, right?”

“Let me have this. She’s my daughter and she’s no longer a boot.”

Tim groans, but before you can tease him again, he pulls you down to continue kissing you. Until your phone begins buzzing nonstop with excited texts from Lucy, at least.

[bongo-clash]

If I had a nickel for every billionaire that tried to kidnap me, I’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice

DP/DC week prompt: Mistaken Identity

'Look, in Bruce Wayne’s defence, he has a lot of children with black hair and blue eyes, and he’d had a very long day. But in Danny’s defence, he has no idea what’s happening right now and, according to his previous experience in being kidnapped by billionaires, his reaction is incredibly reasonable.'

(No content warnings || fic under cut!!)

-

Danny’s been in Gotham for about a week with his family, and so far it’s honestly been one of their most relaxing vacations to date. Sure, the drive had been long and finding a place to park the RV had been unsurprisingly difficult, but once the initial getting-there-fanfare was over with, everything had been great. The whole ‘not my circus, not my monkeys’ thing had been amazing for his anxiety. The famous Batman was more than capable of dealing with his peanut gallery without some random dead kid intercepting. 

Okay, he was a little bit worried about Batman’s ‘no metas’ thing, but there was no good reason the vigilante would find out that little tidbit. It’s not like he’s even a meta in the first place! Being dead is a medical condition. Regardless, he’s doing the sensible thing and not making a show of himself; he may have flown over the top of the city invisibly on the first night to get some good shots to send to his friends, but no one needed to know about that but Sam and her gothic-architecture-inspo wall. 

The hotel they’re staying at has good breakfast, the buildings in the inner city look cool as Hell, they already have heroes dealing with their issues so Danny doesn’t have to do anything, and there’s no ghosts barging into his room but the constant chaos of the city still feels homey. Overall, a ten out of ten vacation spot. 

Surely, nothing can go wrong. 

“Tim? What are you doing here?”

He’s taking a morning walk away from the hotel after he and Jazz successfully convinced their parents he would be fine on his own, and he’d stopped in front of Wayne Enterprises because Tucker would be frankly offended if he didn’t. He ignores the call at first, because he doesn’t know anyone named Tim, and it’s not his business, but that’s clearly shown to be a mistake when the call comes again but closer, and then again, but with a man putting his hand on Danny’s shoulder. He’s turns around to tell whoever it is to clear off when he actually catches sight of the guy’s face.

Sleek black hair, sky-blue eyes, a healthy tan and a very expensive suit. That’s Bruce Wayne. Bruce Wayne as in the guy who owns the building in front of them. Bruce Wayne as in the multi-billionaire. 

Okay, don’t get him wrong, Bruce Wayne does some pretty honourable charity work, and his tech is pretty cool and Tucker’s obsessed with it, but Danny has a very sour history with billionaires and even before he’d met Vlad he wasn’t a fan of them; being friends with Sam for long enough does that to a guy. Dealing with the fruitloop had only cemented what he already knew, and that’s that you shouldn’t trust people that rich as far as you can throw them (or, maybe just not at all, since he figures he could actually throw them pretty damn far, considering the ghost powers). 

Plus, Bruce ‘Brucie’ Wayne has this really weird habit of acting like a ditz, and quite frankly, Danny doesn’t buy it. He’s been successfully running a huge company and heading welfare campaigns for years, and if he’s truly as air-headed as he presents himself to be Vlad would’ve snatched up his company and his wealth in a heartbeat. Vlad, who is the other billionaire he knows, who is also pretending to be something he’s not with the whole ‘gentle hermit’ vibe he maintains with the press. No, there’s definitely something weird about Bruce Wayne and he hadn’t particularly wanted to meet the guy to find out what it is. 

However, it’s looking like he doesn’t have much choice, what with the man having a hand on his shoulder and being about ten inches from his face. “Uh.” He blurts eloquently. “Hi?”

“Tim,” He repeats, frowning. “Why are you here? I told you to take the day off- don’t tell me you were just planning on sneaking off to work anyway.”

Danny’s certain Tucker mentioned some co-CEO of Wayne Enterprises called Tim, and he’s fairly certain Tucker mentioned he was the same age as them and also Bruce’s ward, but do they really look similar? No one’s ever said they do to his face, and he thought that was the kind of thing people talked about- the whole ‘who’s your celebrity lookalike’. So why-?

…Tucker also mentioned that almost all of Bruce Wayne’s wards have the same black hair and blue eyes. He’d even joked how Danny ‘fit the bill’. Oh no. What if this is an obsession-with-having-a-son-just-like-him thing? Do all billionaires do that or is that just Vlad? He could really do with someone else to compare the guy to that isn’t the fruitloop right now- it’d be really great to have some kind of gauge amongst general average billionaire behaviour so that he actually knew what to do. 

Staying quiet to gather his thoughts was apparently not his greatest move, though, because the man’s frown only deepens. Bruce Wayne’s hand moves from the top of his shoulder to his arm, giving it a light squeeze that seems like it’s supposed to be comforting but really just makes him more nervous. “I’m taking you back to the manor. You were supposed to take a day off and I really think relaxing would do you some good.”

Now, there are a lot of things Danny could do to absolve this situation, and the smartest of all of them would be to inform him that there’s been a misunderstanding and that he’s just some random tourist who’d been wanting to take some pictures. 

“I— what- can’t you just leave me here? Don’t you need to go in there?” Is what he says instead, because fight, flight, or freeze apparently includes brain freeze too. His mom was right, he never should’ve been allowed out unsupervised. Why didn’t he bring Jazz with him?

“The meeting can wait, you’re more important.” The man soothes, and suddenly the hand on his arm is pulling him away, leading him over to an incredibly expensive car and Danny’s so bewildered by the whole situation he doesn’t even fight back. He stands there, limp, as Bruce Wayne opens the car doors, nudges him inside, starts the engine, and drives further and further away from Danny’s hotel. 

They’ve been driving for about twenty minutes before his stupor finally breaks, and by then they’ve fully left the bustle of the inner city and entered the sparsely populated realm of high society estates— Bristol, he thinks it was called? Doesn’t matter. He needs to get out and he needed to be out yesterday; he can’t believe he ever thought he could have a remotely sensible vacation. Let your guard down one time and you get kidnapped by a man with more money than everyone else in the state combined (though, to be fair, that sounds more normal given his circumstances than it should. Still, the billionaire being Bruce Wayne isn’t normal). 

Now, there are a lot of things Danny could do to absolve this situation, and the smartest of all of them would be tell Bruce Wayne that he’d been too shocked to refute the man, but he wasn’t actually his son, and had finally gathered his bearings to say so and was very sorry for causing him undue stress. 

Instead, Danny jumps out of a moving car. 

Distantly registering the yell of alarm and the screech of the vehicle pulling to a sudden stop, he tanks the roll and springs back up again, taking in his surroundings for all of a second before sprinting in the opposite direction of wherever they’d been going. Bruce Wayne is definitely chasing after him- he can hear the heavy footfalls pounding behind him- but Danny’s been running from his problems for years. There’s no way he’s letting them catch up to him now. 

He rounds a corner and disappears into thin air, because Batman’s not a day time hero so what he doesn’t know can’t hurt him and surely he’d get that Danny was only doing it for the sake of his personal safety. I mean, who’s he to say that Bruce Wayne doesn’t layer on his fortunes with the occasional ransom situation? …Maybe not the best excuse he’s ever come up with, but the damage is done now, and he drifts away for a few more minutes until he figures he’s far enough from his initial launch point that he can drop the invisibility. 

Looking around, he can tell that he’s definitely lost, his surroundings still reeking of big money and the actual meat of the city barely hanging on the horizon. Well, technically he’s not that lost, given that he can still see inner-Gotham from here, but he doesn’t know where the Hell his hotel is in all that grey, and the walk looks far. While he was willing to risk the momentary power-usage to get himself out of the billionaire’s sights, he figures that trying anything else would be pushing his luck a bit further than it was willing to take him. 

He must’ve been thinking about it for a lot longer than he realised, though, because he hears a quiet thud behind him, and there is now a vigilante blocking his exit. Long-ish black hair, an admonishing expression, and a black and blue outfit with a bird decal.

That’s one of the Bats. NIghtwing, he thinks? 

Aren’t they all supposed to be nighttime vigilantes?

As if hearing his questions, the taller man tuts, bringing his hands to his hips like his mom does when he breaks curfew. He hasn’t got out the electric-stick-things that he’s pretty sure the guy owns, so that’s good. “Tim,” He starts, tone starkly disappointed, and- hold on, why is Nightwing on a first name basis with the Wayne Enterprises CEO? “I thought B told you to take today off.”

Hold on, that’s a weird thing for a vigilante to know about the Wayne Enterprises CEO, and- Danny’s assuming B means Bruce Wayne- why is he using such a casual nickname for the billionaire? Do they know each other? He supposes it makes sense if they’re all in cahoots, since the Bats’ stuff does seem pretty expensive-looking, but he’d honestly kind of assumed Batman was just some rich reclusive vampire or something. Like Vlad but morally-reversed. 

Unless Batman is still a billionaire and not just funded by Bruce Wayne. Nightwing knowing the Tim guy would make sense, then, given they might see each other at rich people things. But, actually, would that make sense? Vigilante socialites don’t usually go around telling their other socialite friends that they’re vigilantes, do they?

Unless Batman is Bruce Wayne. But that’s ridiculous. He’d figured the guy was hiding something, and the hoard of children is kind of indicative of a weird guy generally, but the man being some kind of edgy bat-themed hero in his spare time was just too ridiculous. There’s no way. 

…

…Holy shit. Batman is totally Bruce Wayne. 

That means that Nightwing is probably one of Bruce Wayne’s many sons, which means that he’s one of Tim Drake-Wayne’s many brothers, which means Bruce Wayne may have called him to chase him down and bring him back to the manor. Even though they shouldn’t be doing that because he isn’t Tim Drake. 

Now, there are a lot of things Danny could do to absolve this situation, and the smartest of all of them would be tell Nightwing that by some hilarious comedy-of-errors, Bruce Wayne had mistaken him for his son Tim the CEO when he is in fact Danny Fenton the tourist, and he’s very sorry for the fuss he’s caused, but he should probably call his sister to pick him up now, thank you very much. 

Instead, Danny feints left and tries to dash out the corner he’d trapped himself in from Nightwing’s other side. Nightwing grabs him like a small dog with one arm and raises a grappling hook to the nearest roof. Danny feels like this is probably karma for all the property damage he’s caused in Amity as they’re flung violently across roofs higher than his town’s tallest apartment complex. He is quickly discovering that being airborne is actually so much worse when you’re not the one in control. 

He doesn’t have an awful lot of time to ponder this, however, because they reach what Danny assumes is the Wayne residence soon after. Nightwing does an absolutely terrifying set of flips as they careen over to the other side of the ledge the mansion is on, and lets him go when they’re on the ground to put a finger against his hear, presumably to some communication device. 

“I’ve got him, B! We’re outside the Batcave now- yep, all safe- see you in a sec!”

…They’re outside the what now?

Nightwing slings an arm over his shoulder- some mix of friendliness and making sure he doesn’t run away- and leads him into a concealed entrance against the ledge just beneath the Wayne mansion. 

He has to be hallucinating at this point. There are actual bats in here. The whole place is scary and dark and gigantic and—is that a fucking dinosaur?

“Tim!” 

And, as if just to cement how utterly absurd today has been, Bruce Wayne is striding towards them with an expression contorted by worry, and he feels bad right up until the moment the guy cups his face with his calloused hands (calloused because he’s Batman, what the Hell). “Tim, I was so worried,” He croaks. “What happened back there? Why did you jump out the car?”

Now, there are a lot of things Danny could do to absolve this situation, and finally, finally, he-

“What the Hell is happening right now.” He blurts, taking a sharp step back and letting the hand fall from his face, watching as surprise falls over the men next to him like an overcast. 

Okay, maybe not the the smartest thing he could’ve said, but not the worst thing either, and that’s probably the biggest win he’s going to get today, so he’ll take it. “What are you talking about?” Nightwing asks gently, reminding him rather neatly that he is still in an absolutely gigantic pile of shit, seeing as he’s now going to have to explain that they have all made some very big mistakes today. 

“Uh, okay, so funny story- and you have to promise not to like, beat the shit out of me or whatever-“ He ignores the horrified faces they make at that, nervousness leaking out into a hysterical laugh. “But, uh, a very bad thing has happened, and— it’s like, fine! I won’t tell anyone if you won’t tell anyone, it’s totally chill and I’m really great at keeping secrets-!”

Bruce Wayne cuts him off, looking terribly concerned. “Tim, whatever’s going on, we’ll-“

“I’m not Tim!”

The moment the words are out of his mouth, he backs away with his hands raised placatingly, panic heightened by the way the two men freeze in their tracks. “I am so sorry,” Danny chokes, figuring he can’t dig himself into any deeper of a grave than he already has. “I was just- I was outside Wayne Enterprises to take pictures and when you came up to me I had no idea what to do so I just froze, and by the time I came to I was in your car and like, I was kind of scared you were kidnapping me? Because I kind of have a history with billionaires and kidnapping so I just panicked and jumped out the car but that made everything worse ‘cause you chased me and now I’m in the Batcave and you’re Batman and-“

There is a very long pause when Danny’s words fail him. The Batcave is very quiet beyond the chittering of bats on the ceiling. 

“You have a history with billionaires and kidnapping?” Nightwing asks, like literally nothing else he’d said registered. 

Quite frankly, Danny does not want to know what their expressions are like. Averting his eyes, he replies- “That was definitely a weird thing for me to say. Sorry. Uh, yeah.”

“Are you safe?”

What is happening? “Like… right now? I mean, so long as you aren’t gonna feed me to that dinosaur then yeah; I’m just in Gotham for vacation. I don’t- it was a very nice vacation. Until like half an hour ago. Now it’s a stressful vacation.”

Bruce Wayne, to his credit, is not trying to kill him for his knowledge of the man’s secret vigilantism, which already makes him better than the only other billionaire he knows. The man drags a hand down his face, looking stressed beyond belief. “I should’ve known you weren’t Tim,” He breathes. “I don’t even know what to say.”

“Yeah, now that I’m actually hearing you talk, you sound nothing like him. Bruce, were you actually listening when he was talking to you before you shoved him in the car? This guy’s midwestern. What happened to world’s greatest detective, B?” Nightwing snorts and, wow, they’re not taking this half as badly as he thought they would. And, hey, now that he’s thinking about it, these are the first actual vigilantes he’s ever met outside of himself and Valerie, and wouldn’t it be a waste not to ask them for pointers? 

Maybe it’s not the best idea in the world, but he already knows their secret identities and they’re being chill about it, so maybe they’ll be chill with his, too. Screw it, he’s doing it. 

“Again, I promise I won’t tell anyone- I’m, ah, pretty good with secrets like this.” They turn to look at him curiously there, and he tries to talk past the lump in his throat. “I’m kind of, um, also a vigilante as well? Funny coincidence, right? Small town gig, though, nothing like Gotham! And I’ve only been on the scene a few years, so… I don’t know what I’m asking, here. Any good pointers?”

Nightwing looks thoughtful. “Does this have anything to do with the billionaire you mentioned?” He asks.

“It very much has a lot to do with the billionaire. If Vlad Masters ever asks you for anything- I dunno, punch him? He’s got a really punchable face, you’d know if you met him. It’s all creepy and shit.”

Nightwing continues asking questions as Bruce Wayne’s head remains firmly buried in his hands, and sure, maybe letting this well-established team of heroes know about his less-than-legal and more-than-ectoplasmic hobbies might come back to bite him, but right now he can’t help basking in the fact that he gets to bad-mouth Vlad to someone who Vlad will probably care about his reputation with. Everything else comes second. 

“-Hang on, you said you’ve been a vigilante for a few years, right? How old are you?”

Okay, almost everything comes second. Both men are looking at him now with something that’s probably-definitely concern and is getting worse the longer he neglects to answer, and Danny is very suddenly reminded once again that the majority of Bruce’s children fit the same appearance-criteria as he does. 

He’s just doubled his own problem, hasn’t he? It’s not just one anymore-he’s going to have to deal with two billionaires now. 

He’s never going on vacation again.