#begging photo arrangment not to break

[helldenizen]

Here's a masterpost for John Doe so he can be a part of @smallartistocbracket

I'm sorry in advance for all my description and text, I'm god awful with writing text and whatever I made up is kinda difficult for me to articulate. If there’s something you don���t get from this description, or have some general questions about John Doe(or my other characters) you’re free to ask!

They are an eldritch being who despite their pretty grim nature, generally is pretty chill. What makes them quite different from other eldritch beings is that they developed a genuine interest in humans. This is also why they have a pretty consistent human body avatar, which they use to interact with people and just hang around in the deep forest of their realm.

His powers are “Delusion” and “Lost”(explanations for those under read more)

Some bullet point facts:

They use any pronouns, but prefer they/him.

They managed to befriend one human, who is a conspiracy theorist and cryptozoology enthusiast(and who is also my other OC: Irwing Pasternak)

Their favorite animals are maggots(and he's generally really like insects, bugs and worms)

Their current avatar body is 188 cm(6’2 ft)

John kinda doesn't understand the way humans communicate with speech properly. So their speech patterns and intonation are all over the place. He doesn’t use intonation on the whole sentence, instead he uses it on every single word. He uses different intonation for every word, and he also makes small pauses between words.  (and that’s apart from them obviously, not understanding some social norms , a.k.a. “things you aren’t supposed to speak with others about”)

Smile is kinda the “default” of his face. It’s also important that no matter the expression he makes, their mouth will always be kinda open.

More info(and art) under the cut:

There’s quite a lot of things I made up about him, but a lot of them are related to other characters and aren't polished enough, so I will write some essentials.

What’s his “Delusion” power?

John Doe is one of four “eternal lies” siblings, and his birth name is Delusion. Though the name doesn’t represent what they are as a whole. John “Delusion” Doe represents the way consciousness affects and interacts with itself. Reflection, Imagination, and everything physiological(and psychiatric) is in his prerogatory, no matter how exactly it affects someone. You can say they kinda “keep” all those things in reality.

What’s their “Lost” power?

But there is more. First, a little background. You see, in my made up universe eldritch beings either spawn into existence themselfs or they are created by another one. If an eldritch being decides to create another one it is expected to do so alone. And that's how it went until John Doe, they were created by two pretty different beings. That’s why he’s responsible for two quite different powers.

“Lost” power makes things, well, get lost. But it’s not just power, it’s kinda the way he “feeds”, and is similar to what is breathing for humans — they are constantly “doing” it, can control the rate and some other factors to an extent, but most importantly, they can’t just stop it.

What can get “Lost”? Everything: humans, animals, plants, different inanimate objects, even information. 

But very basically, getting “Lost”, is being sent to John’s realm, and the consequences of being there. You see, the more you’re in this realm the more information about you is being erased from existence. So even if you get out of there(which is possible), you can find out that your friends and family don’t remember and even legal documents regarding you. If you spend enough time in the realm you will start losing memories yourself, and the end result of this is that you stop existing altogether. Though it’s highly unlikely that you will survive long enough to enter that stage, because this “Lost” realm is pretty dangerous.

On how his avatar body is made

Oh…um…buckle up with this one. And I think this one can be kinda distressing (yea this one, not the whole “Lost” realm stuff). 

You see John can't just create a body for themself out of nothing, he must use something for it. And the thing is, he can only use something that is lost in his realm. If he wants to look human… well… while it is technically doesn't matter if someone/something is alive for him to "use their matter" John really doesn't like the idea of actively killing someone, so he just waits for them to die… and he uses human corpses… and, like, he can just overtake it or "stitch" body from several corpses, but he learnt how to deform body matter that he “owns” to some extent… their avatar body is like, a corpse amalgamation. 

So, basically, what I'm saying, is that his body tone appears purplish, for a reason.

John also struggles with keeping eyes solid because of this, so they don’t actually recreate human eyes with their form. Instead he either makes you see(makes you hallucinate, basically) purple and yellow irises in place of eyes or just normal eyes(that depends on the situation). But mostly, they just wear shades.

[lemonade4wanda]

Isolation

Part two of the craving you series (part 1)

Dark! Wanda Maximoff x reader

Minors dni!! Masterlist°•☆

Summary - you settle into your new job while Wanda undos your life

Warnings - manipulation, dark Wanda, obsessive Wanda, unhealthy obsession, breaking and entering, theft, bribery, catnapping, Wanda calls herself mommy, not proofread again srry

Words - 1.8k

A/n - this took me ages to write srry, I still think part one is better tbh

When you first got the job as Wanda's personal assistant you expected it to be strange like the meeting you'd had in her office prior, the one in which she'd has you begging on your knees. Much to your surprise however Wanda was more professional than ever, keeping to herself and only talking about work matters. Little did you know this was because she was too busy eyeing you up to make conversation.The job itself wasn't much too difficult either perhaps even easier than your original job and for the same wage. Your days consisted of planning phone calls, picking up mail, getting her lunch and coffees, taking notes in meetings, arranging taxis, responding to emails and then collapsing in to bed with your darling cats.

Wanda watched on eagerly as you slipped into a blissful false sense of security over the weeks working. Enjoying every second especially since she got to gaze at you every second of the day. The way you did your hair each morning, how you rolled around your wheeled chair had you been sat too long, the same pen you always fiddled with in meetings, how your nose scrunched when your were confused, the cuteness of your little yawns when you were tired. It was all the little quirks she hadn't got to see in you before that she grew to love now.

Her obsession love for you only grew the more time you'd spent with her. Your little smiles and nervous way of talking had her fighting back blush. Wanda was always ever so excited for you to go out on some pointless errand so she could take a look in your bag, one time even being lucky enough to find your treasured journal. Her favourite page, which she took photos of so she could re read it anytime, read as; 'my boss Wanda has been more kind than I could ever wish for, with giving me a new job instead of just throwing me out onto the streets. I wish she could know how grateful I am to still be employed as she could have easily had rid of me. I've always had such a good gut feeling about her as a boss and it's finally been proved correct.

I'd never admit this aloud as I don't think it's appropriate for work but I think Wanda is possibly one of the most pretty women I've ever met, she always has a radiant smile when she looks at me joined with such cute freckles.' Oh if only you knew how Wanda swooned when she read that entry.

Slowly though this new found closeness was not enough for Wanda, she felt as if your gratefulness was dwindling and the time you spent together was hardly enough for what she craved. For what she needed.

Wanda needed a new way to make you come to her to make you rely on her. She needed something you loved, she just had to think of what. That's when she figured it out, she was watching you through her computer one night as you lay in bed peacefully sleeping beside your cats. She knew how much you loved them, how lost you'd be without them.

Her plan was simple, tell you she was going out for lunch with a friend when really she was heading over to your flat to take Marlo and Nixie. Arriving at your flat she saw the front door unlocked and tutted to herself, how silly you really were lucky she was looking out for you or someone could have just waltzed right into your home. Stepping through the front door she was overwhelmed with a euphoric feeling of being surrounded by you and your things. Briefly forgetting about the cats she went around your room, going through your wardrobe, admiring your jewellery and lying down in your bed. But all that wasn't enough for Wanda she wanted a little souvenir from her trip and that's exactly what she got. Going back into your wardrobe she carefully went through your underwear drawers deciding to take a matching red lacey set with rhinestoned buckle, you wouldn't need them anyway the only person you should be trying to impressing was her.

After successfully stifling your underwear she moved onto getting the cats. She'd brought her own little carriers for them, Wanda was no monster of course she'd never harm the small animals you held so close she'd just keep them safe and away from you for a while. Marlo was easy enough to convince to get in the carrier being friendly and easy going almost just like you however Nixie was another story hissing and trying to claw at Wanda anytime she tried to pick her up. Lucky for her shed planned this having overheard you discussing with a coworker several weeks ago about how Nixie didn't tolerate strangers unless she had some catnip. Needless to say she'd prepared for this event. Smiling to herself as she poured the catnip into the carrier and trapping the unsuspecting Nixie inside.

The next day at work Wanda hid her smirk well when she saw you shuffle in with puffy bloodshot eyes with big dark circles underneath, deciding to feign concern instead.

"Oh darling, what's up? You can tell me anything." A comforting smile on her face makes you sure you can talk to her about the cats.

"My.. my cats went missing and no one can find them." Your voice is hoarse from crying as you speak and more tears threaten to fall from your eyes.

"That's no good at all sweet girl." She stands from behind her desk walking over and engulfing you into a strong hug. "If there's anything I can do to help you at this difficult time don't hesitate to let me know." She tells you in a warm voice as she pulls your head closer into her chest making it hard for you not to become flustered.

"Thanks, thank you miss Maximoff." Your stumble through your reply while burying yourself into her strong body.

A few days later and your cats still haven't returned and you find yourself further falling into despair.

That's when you find a letter in your house. One that pushes you over the edge. The one you never wanted to see. An eviction notice. It felt like the life you'd fought so hard for, one you'd dreamed of since childhood was being torn apart before your eyes. As if God was punishing you for some unforgivable sin.

Wanda watched on eagerly as she saw you find the eviction note in your pile of post, a sick grin contorting on her face at the sight of your misery, at the knowledge she'd be the one to bring you back up. The one to heal you. The one you'd grow to adore, worship and crave as she did you.

Of course she was at fault for that letter after having heavily bribed your landlord to get rid of you. At first he was much opposed claiming you to be 'one of his best tenants' and how you never missed rent but after seeing the cash being offered to evict you he couldn't help himself. Wanda knew he'd break easily after all Money really is the root of all evil.

When she saw you sobbing at the kitchen table, shaking hands clutching the eviction notice she wished she could comfort you and tell you it'd all be okay. To hold you tight like she did not a few days ago. Wiping the tears from your delicate face, once you were hers you'd never feel this kind of pain again. Your suffering was only temporary but still it broke her heart to see you so down. Obviously she'd never regret what she'd done. It was all for you.

When you were next in work you felt and were sure you looked like hell. All your energy had been spent trying to find somewhere new to stay but all properties nearby were so expensive or just boxes. Your regular floral dresses had been replaced with knit sweaters and plain black trousers as if this was your autumn, the beginning of your end. When you saw Wanda it didn't help the way you felt when she appeared more put together than usual, her suits crisper somehow and jaw sharper as if while your life fell apart hers had blossomed.

"Darling, you look ill has something happened?" She asks with a practised act of sympathy, she already knew exactly what had happened after all she'd orchestrated the undoing of your life.

"My landlord evicted me for no reason and-.. and-.." You felt yourself becoming choked up as you struggled to tell Wanda what had happened. She picked up on your feelings almost as if in tune with your mind and quickly pulled you into her before beginning to stroke up and down your back in comforting patterns.

"Its okay, I'm here darling. Nothing bad will happen just tell mommy what's wrong." Your eyebrows raised at what she called herself but for some inane reason decided against questioning her.

"And.. I cant find anywhere to stay and my-.. m' cats are still missing and I'm gonna be homeless." She knew youd begun crying when she could feel damp on her blouse where your head lay. Wanda pulled your head back to face her and stroked across your cheeks in such a gentle fashion that you felt you legs may give out beneath you.

"Well you could always.. nevermind it wouldn't be appropriate." She says with pause to look down at your face. "Oh screw it. I can't stand to see you go homeless over some stupid eviction, y/n if you wanted you could stay in my home until you find somewhere permanent." What Wanda hadn't quite anticipated was the way your eyes lit up at the suggestion, she thought you'd have needed much more convincing than you did.

"I.. if your sure it wouldn't be a bother."

"Sweet girl you could never bother me."

That night Wanda took you over to her house and gave you a tour. It was the biggest and fanciest place you'd ever been. More things existed than you thought one person could need. She had everything from pools to inside tennis courts, acres full of forest land to a sauna. You finally understood what it must feel like to be rich. Wanda claimed her guest rooms were under renovation so you'd have to share her room for now. When you accepted sleeping next to her she was so ecstatic she could barely hide it behind the mask of sympathy anymore.

Tags: @reginassweetheart @alexawynters

[r3starttt]

OBLIVIATE | 00

ellabs x reader | series m.list | > CHAPTER ONE

an: comment to be added to the taglist!

SUMMARY: Amidst the seemingly flawless life, at the peak of the perfection, a looming fear emerges from the very plan that set everything in motion. It shadows you and your wife like a persistent ghost. Memories of youth and a vow to eternal love now cling relentlessly, tempting them to give it another chance.

CW: WIP. +18 content. poly relationship. threesome. sexting. smut encounters. description of sex. modern au. famous au. college au. ex to lovers. time skips.

hockey player! a. rockstar! e. actress! r.

Faded Polaroids lingered between your fingers, each one handled with the utmost delicacy and love.

PROLOGUE

You and Abby had just moved for the third time this year. This entire week had been a blur of sleepless nights spent unpacking. Abby had refused to allow anyone else access to the privacy of your new home, earning frequent scoldings from you, constantly reminding her how things could've been much easier that way.

You only accepted her request because of a very specific person on your mind.

Since your careers took off, neither of you had had a proper chance to settle down. Constantly rushing for interviews and switching roles between trophy wife and fame that left little room for stability.

As you organized the fancy shelfs she bought for the leaving room, Abby found a box filled with memories from her teenage years—music albums, books, and albums she had brought from her home after your marriage, knowing how much you cherished such things.

Taking a break to eat and rest, you both decided to sift through them. You laughed at her old photos, where she looked adorable or, as she called herself, 'nerdy' with her first pair of glasses. Constantly melting at her baby pictures, falling even more in love with the woman before you.

However, the comfort dimmed when you found a particular Polaroid—one you had once begged to take so you would never forget that day. Abby rested her head on your shoulder in the photo, your arms on each side, holding the camera, an auburn girl on your other side.

"What's that?" Abby's voice took you off trance. Your eyes flickered between the Polaroid in your hand and her face, simply leaning the picture to her.

"Guess we mixed them last time" She muttered quietly "Thought you put it here on purpose" a dismissive tone in those words, such a fake acting.

"Nah, I've got a whole box for it" you met her eyes. Your eyebrows furrowing at the tone on her voice, mocking you.

"I've been thinking about her" You handed her another picture, a small dog on Abby's lap. An intent to distract her from the emotions your words might evoke.

"Yeah?" Her hand brushed yours as she took the Polaroid. "What about her?" The couch creaked as she shifted closer to you.

"How's she doing?" you whispered, breaking the silence that kep on growing between both. "You've herd the news." Abby inquired, quite nonchalantly

"I miss her," you admitted. Saying it aloud felt strange, almost wrong- it left a bittersweet taste.

You hoped she would say something, but instead, she was distracted by another Polaroid she handed you seconds later. It was one you had never seen before, there she was, Ellie Williams

-

It all started with what was supposed to be a studying session, for you.

Both of them, well, Ellie had offered to help you with some math things you were having issues with. Abby decided to join 'I don't trust you two alone'

After that day, their need for you became a constant, unwavering presence. If they had been touch-deprived before, yearning for your glance, your kiss, any sign of affection, it only intensified afterward.

They craved your proximity, your touch, your attention, and it was undeniably tempting.

You agreed with both to let it as a sort of open relationship, a friends with benefits arrangement.

Mostly because you knew it would never work if the three of you stood together.

Not with Abby's aspirations and determination to study something to make her dad proud. Ellie, being deeply invested in her studies, aiming for success- hungry. And you who could only wait for that lucky signal, that defining moment to steer you toward your life's purpose—anything to keep you occupied.

Abby constantly showered you with affection and care, feeling a physical need to spoil both of you. She would often send videos or pictures of her sweaty abdomen post-gym session, accompanied by messages asking if either of you needed anything. "Have you eaten yet?"

On the other hand Ellie kept sexting whenever she had the chance, sending you both nudes with the excuse she needed an opinion before sending them to a girl she'd just met. Which wasn't completely fake- it just happened way too often to not be on purpose.

So, why not give it a chance. If it worked, great. If not, well, you'd find a way to make it function as long as you needed it.

> CHAPTER ONE

- taglist: @softlysunrays @eyesfullofsttars <33 | @cowboylu @ennabear @satellitespinner @flowrmoth

[delaware-lemme-smash]

Ooh, excellent question! Poor Hawks, he can't catch a break, can he?

Characters: Takami Keigo/Hawks

Contents: fake dating, angst

Takami Keigo/Hawks

This is absolutely the kind of stunt the Commission would try to pull. Hawks, like most high-ranking Pro Heroes will have a publicist and chances are high for that person either working for the Commission directly or the PR agency being a third-party contractor of the Commission. Once they have their hooks in you, they do not let you go. 

For whatever reason, they decide their top Pro needs to be seen to be dating another Pro Hero. Maybe the other Pro has tanking ratings or it’s part of some deeper game. Whatever it is, Hawks doesn’t have much choice but to go along with it.

Another factor is whether or not the Commission knows you’re in a relationship with Hawks. He might have no choice to tell them, but I feel that if there was an opportunity to keep you a secret from them, he would. He doesn’t want them to have control over your life as well as his. And I’m sure he’d want to have a piece of his life that’s just for him, not for the Commission’s goals or the public’s consumption. 

It causes him no small amount of angst, having to sit you down and explain to you what they’re going to make him do. He dreads having to tell you, having to see the look on your face when you hear that he’ll be posing as some other person’s boyfriend. It’s hard enough, having to share him with the Commission and his endless work and his ravenous fans. Now you have to watch him post couple pics on Instagram with someone else. Or go on cute little dates where the paparazzi just so happen to stumble across the two heroes enjoying totally not sponsored smoothies. 

It’s maddening, to say the least. Hawks hates every second of it. 

While he’s not rude or hostile to the person he’s fake-dating, he’s not his usual lively, flirtatious self, because he knows every minute he spends with them is affecting you. His very little free time is being eaten up by this media-pandering bullshit, and he hates it.

There are a few ways he can go about making things easier. 

One, he’ll never take fake-girlfriend anywhere that he takes you. Your favourite little haunts and hangouts will never be tarnished by a photoshoot that ends up splashed across the front of Hero Weekly. 

Two, he’s honest with the fake-girlfriend. She has to know this is just a business arrangement, a contractual obligation. He already has a partner, and he’ll only be doing the bare minimum to make it look real for the cameras.

Three, he’ll set a deadline on it with the Commission. He can swing it by saying that all this prancing around for the cameras is affecting his performance. How’s he supposed to fight villains if he has to spend all his time doing photoshoots with Ultragleam or Mochigirl, or whoever they want to set him up with this week. 

Four, he can try and introduce the fake-girlfriend to you, so there’s no weird feeling of sneaking around. So you can set your own boundaries on what you are and aren’t comfortable with.

Despite all this? It’s still gonna suck.

There’s no way it doesn’t hurt to see your boyfriend posting cutesy photos with another hero. Fans will be gushing on social media, coming up with ship names, posting edits with sparkly effects and slow-mo reverb love songs playing over the top, filled with comments like “OMG THE WAY HE LOOKS AT HER!” 

The only way to make it bearable is to imagine he’s playing a character, like he’s the male lead in a romantic K-Drama, and fake-girlfriend is just his co-star. It’s true, in a way. Even if they’re attending events together and posting (staged) shots on the beach, holding hands, it’s all fake. 

When he comes home to you after a long day of patrolling, exhausted after an intense villain fight, and collapses facedown on the couch, head on your lap, wings askew, only to tiredly ask about your day and beg you to order chicken skewers? That’s real. 

[namjoonscoffeeshop]

Picnic In The Rain

A part of DEEP series ✧ Pairing: Yoongi x reader ✧ warning(s): bad driving ?

✧ genre: fluff? (idk just got home from work and i'm tired) ✧ word count: a/n: just got home and right away started editing the chapter. I hope you all like it! I reread this over and over, if there are any mistakes...my bad.

Yoongi's 21st birthday

"Don't peek!" y/n says as she quickly glances to see if he had pulled down the blindfold off his face. Yoongi on the other hand was just laying back on the passenger seat taking in the breeze. His senses sharpened, smelling the subtle hint of her perfume mixed with the earthy smell that proved he was right and that it will rain soon. "yeah yeah" he can't help but smile, it was his birthday and she begged him to spend the day with her.

Amused he teased her, saying he had made plans with his friends, she pouted and hid the very visible picnic basket behind her “alright” she gave him a forced smile. Not able to hold back his laughter he breaks character instantly pulling her into a hug.

The car pulls to a sloppy stop making his body jolt forward, his hand reaching for his blindfold but she quickly grabs his arms, pushing them down “No don’t! Sorry I'm still getting used to driving” sighing he doesn’t fight back “I’ll help you out, I’m serious don’t take it off!” running out the car she quickly goes to his side, helping him out.

After walking for what felt like forever, she finally lets go of his arms. Yoongi heard her run off but he stood still and waited. “Ok you can look now!” “Are you sure?” he grins.

“Yes!” Asking again in a teasing tone “Are you really really sure?” groaning she runs back to him, “you’re so childish” without giving him a chance to retort she pulls down his blindfold. As his eyes adjusted to the sudden exposure to light he looked at his very excited friend, her lips curved up into a warm smile as she stared into his eyes. She had set up a rather large picnic blanket, his favorite food spread along with a cake.

The open field with wild flowers surrounding them made him chuckle, it was everything she loved. “Let’s do this quickly, it’s going to rain soon” taking her hand in his he walks towards the blanket.

“Shut up, you’ll jinx it”

After eating the food and a slice of cake he watched her as she stared at the photos in her hand which she had just taken. He stared at the clear sky thinking his sixth sense failed him and it truly wasn’t going to rain. His attention was pulled from her as his phone ringed, taking it out of his pocket and he frowned. Wasting no time he hangs up, “was it your friends? I bet they’re mad right? Since you had plans with them” he grinned, there was a hint of guilt in her eyes but she didn’t know he lied. His friends planned nothing because he told them that the day was yours before you asked.

But before he could tease her, it began to pour. “Oh my god I told you not to jinx it!” she shrills as the two quickly stand up. Running towards the large tree for cover yoongi turns to find her picking up some of the items “are you serious” he yells running back, he grabs her arm.

Under the tree. Both drenched, they look at one another before laughing. "happy birthday" she says for the millionth time, giving her a small smile he pulls her into a hug, gently kissing her forehead "thank you" he felt how she held her breath before giggling as he pinched her ear. "is there something you want?" she suddenly asks, wrapping her arms around his waist. her chin rested on his chest as her eyes looked up at him. 

"more?" he chuckles looking back at the destroyed picnic arrangement she had done for him. "this is not a gift, just...what would we call this"

"a mess" 

"hey!" she pushes him away, rolling her eyes jokingly. 

"i'm serious is there anything you want?" he hums as if thinking, but the anticipation she was feeling broke as he shrugged. annoyed she crosses her arms and looks away.  "how can it rain and be sunny at the same time" she mutters.

The sudden wind made her shiver but he stood firm as his eyes never left her. For he did not feel cold at all, her carefree, cheerful, lovely spirit was like a fire. Which attracted a lot of people and even if that did bother him, he never wanted to try and control that fire.

All he needed was to be near it. That was his wish. 

taglist:

@baechugff

@thetaehyungstan

@yoongibaybee

@gimeow

@pjmsneverland

@eissenheimer

@taetaechim7

@acquiescence804

@seoullove96

@waitaminswife

@keshiadeija

@gaby-93

@amarawayne

@ykkjm

@ot72025

@joonie1213

[ysmtttty]

Red Ferrari

Chapter 11

Summary: Azris AU, where Azriel is a mechanic and has his own service station. One day, Eris comes there because something is wrong with his car

AO3 link Chapter 10 Chapter 12

"Are you going to be late for work?" Azriel asked, glancing at the clock panel while they were driving back to the city, trying to avoid as many bumps and traffic jams as possible. It was Monday, and even the countryside roads were packed with cars.

"I wanted to persuade you to drop me off at work," Eris replied.

"So, can you survive one workday without a suit?"

"I can just buy a new suit before work," Eris snorted. "It only takes a second, considering I already ordered it."

"I don’t know why I expected to hear something else," Azriel laughed.

After kissing Azriel goodbye, Eris headed straight to the nearest tailor shop close to his office, where he usually ordered his suits. This time was no exception, except he had messaged them in advance the day before, asking for a rush order and paying extra for the urgency.

After his visit to the tailor, Eris went straight to work. There was a lot of paperwork ahead and no cases to work on. Just a boring Monday. His lawyer reported that there had been no news from Morrigan recently, but a new lawyer had contacted him. However, they hadn’t said anything useful—just introduced themselves via email and then failed to respond to further messages.

Eris could have pondered what kind of game she was playing this time, but he didn’t care. He had rested, arranged a date, and everything in his life was relatively falling into place. There was no news from his father, but Eris had learned to consider that a good sign. The less he knew, the less chance there was of being drawn into another shitshow.

Lucien was spamming his phone with a bunch of photos taken during their time at his countryside house, while they weren’t in the most sober state of mind. Eris put his younger brother on silent mode, continuing to work but sneaking a peek at the photos during his lunch break.

He was surprised to see himself with alcohol-flushed cheeks, smiling and laughing, almost sitting on Azriel’s lap. Honestly, Eris wanted to check his eyesight because he hadn’t seen himself like that in a long time. It was as if he was looking at someone who looked a lot like him but wasn’t really him.

The slight feeling of unreality from the photos was eventually replaced by light amusement as he browsed the rest, including one where his hounds had gathered around Jurian, begging—demanding—the last pieces of meat from the plate he held high above his head.

The other photos were either blurry, crooked, or full of drunken fun that they probably should be ashamed of. In the past, Eris hadn’t appeared in such group photos, and even if he did, he’d sit at the table with a small smile, watching the others. But never like he appeared in these photos.

Lucien had noticed it too, already sending several witty messages that Eris simply ignored.

The rest of Eris’s workday was filled with countless pointless meetings about everything under the sun: budgets, staffing, and so on. A typical Monday, but he got through it quite easily, still feeling rested after a good weekend.

However, upon returning home, he felt that something was wrong again. Now that he was convinced his intuition rarely failed him, Eris remained alert. He considered calling the building security, but if it were Keir’s men, no security guards would be of any help—only the carpet would get dirty.

So, he went inside anyway, looking around and frowning. Everything seemed fine at first glance, but as he walked further into the apartment, the familiar and irritating scent of vanilla hit his nose.

"Hello, Eris," Mor beamed at him from his chair, where she sat with her long legs crossed in red shoes.

Eris would have preferred if it were Keir’s men.

***

After their countryside trip, Azriel returned home to a few problems. His apartment was still in the same disarray it had been during his depressive episode, so he spent another two hours cleaning up the place, trying to get things in order. And it was both energy- and time-consuming.

Afterward, he was met with an empty fridge and an almost empty wallet. Well, he had his savings, but a paycheck was definitely better. He thought about calling Cassian to ask for a loan until he decided whether to work at another workshop or finally hear out Rhysand. Now that Azriel was being so kind, he could at least try. But for some reason, Rhysand’s betrayal felt heavier. Even more painful.

So, for now, he stayed like the stubborn idiot he was, with a not-so-promising amount of money and the prospect of starving.

By noon, Cassian messaged him, urgently asking for a shift replacement at the workshop, even knowing that Azriel was temporarily on leave. He still asked, saying it was really urgent. Knowing that you don’t leave friends in trouble, Azriel agreed, asking in return for a lunch treat.

He realized how urgent the situation was when Cassian agreed to that condition.

When Azriel arrived at the workshop, he was greeted by two hot dogs, a very tense best friend, and Rhysand, who stood nearby, staring at him almost without blinking but still too afraid to approach.

"Don’t tell me that…" Azriel rolled his eyes and groaned, realizing what kind of "urgent" situation this was.

Cassian gave him a guilty look and shrugged, as if to say, “Sorry, but I want my friends to make up so we can all be friends again, so I had to.”

"I'm leaving," Cassian said, patting Azriel on the shoulder. "Don’t kill each other."

Azriel watched him leave with irritation at those words but understood that enough time had passed for them to have an adult conversation. Even if he didn’t want to. Even if the memories still brought a painful ache in his chest.

Rhysand finally approached him after Cassian got into the car and drove off. Lucky guy, Azriel thought, watching him go. He probably got full pay for today’s shift anyway.

"Az," Rhysand began quietly, and Azriel looked at him wearily. "I’m sorry."

Rubbing his face with his hands, Azriel just nodded in response, allowing Rhysand to continue as he bit into one of the hot dogs.

"It was wrong of me," Rhysand continued, fidgeting with a button on his shirt sleeve. "I should have told you as soon as I found out, not hiding from you as I did."

"When did you find out?" Azriel asked dully, feeling the need to qualify the moment. "About all of this."

"When you said his name," Rhysand admitted. "I knew the name of Mor's husband—the one she asked me to help her divorce. There aren’t many lawyers named Eris, and even fewer that fit the description of 'rich bastard.'"

"One in a million," Azriel chuckled humorlessly, his lips curling into a smirk. Rhysand swallowed and nodded.

"Mor told me a lot of details about the divorce," he continued. "Believe me, I understand how wrong it was to take her side after everything that happened between you two. But there are certain circumstances that make it impossible for me to leave her."

Azriel just shrugged, showing that he didn’t care that Rhysand was helping Mor. What he did care about was the fact that Rhysand had chosen to hide from him the truth that Eris and Mor were married and going through a divorce. Because telling him would have been solidarity—it was simply a basic right to know what was going on in his own life.

It hurt him that the person Azriel believed he could trust, someone he could trust with his life would hide such a massive mess from him, one he barely managed to deal with and that nearly cost him two people who were very important to him.

"Come back, Az," Rhysand said quietly, looking at him with pleading eyes. "Please."

Azriel held his gaze, still unsure if he even wanted all of this. Rhysand’s apology felt more like an explanation than genuine remorse. An attempt to justify himself, but nonetheless, it was a first step.

Knowing how much Rhysand hated being wrong and apologizing, it was probably a big step for him to swallow his pride and do it. Now that enough time had passed since the incident, Azriel could assess the situation without extra emotions, not fearing being impulsive.

So he decided that maybe it was worth accepting this almost-apology.

"I’ll return to work," he said but raised a hand to stop whatever Rhysand was about to say in response. "But that doesn’t mean I fully forgive you. In fact, I haven’t forgiven you yet. But I’m also not going to stay angry like this."

"So, baby steps?" Rhysand asked, somewhat disappointed but still hopeful.

"Baby steps," Azriel nodded. "One of the next steps could be considering buying a new engine for my motorcycle or tickets to a game," he added jokingly, lightening the mood, and Rhysand chuckled softly.

"Mercenary bastard," Rhysand shook his head.

"You're still at fault, you don’t have the right to insult me," Azriel smirked.

He hadn’t yet forgiven Rhysand, but a weight was lifted from his chest. Holding a grudge was exhausting, and honestly? Azriel was getting tired of it. So he was ready to give his best friend a second chance, ensuring that Rhysand would never do something like this again.

"I’ll also consider a raise as an olive branch," Azriel grinned slyly.

Rhysand laughed again and rolled his eyes. "If a good chunk of clients didn’t refuse after finding out you were temporarily on leave, I wouldn’t even think about it. But if it gets you back, name your terms. Just don’t lose your head."

"Oh, my client base is a very strong leverage, something I now know I can lean on."

Rhysand just shoved his shoulder, and Azriel shoved back, laughing.

"Idiot," Rhysand whispered, wrapping his arm around his shoulders, happy when Azriel reciprocated the gesture. "I really am sorry."

"I’ve already listed a few conditions for earning my forgiveness," Azriel said in the same light-hearted tone.

And since Cassian had already left, but the shift was still ongoing, Rhysand convinced him to stay and work for double pay. Azriel wasn’t stupid enough to turn down such an offer, especially when he was already going crazy from boredom at home. So, the next few hours were spent in the workshop garage.

Rhysand told him about his romantic escapades with Feyre, which had recently become more tense because her ex-fiancé had started stalking her. Azriel listened to it all like a podcast while he worked on the cars.

He even shared a story in return. He talked about how they went out of town over the weekend, in broad strokes and without too many details. Azriel wasn’t ready to share the specifics about Eris with Rhysand just yet. Despite wanting to mend things with his friend, Azriel still hesitated to say anything until Eris and Mor's divorce was finalized.

Rhysand seemed to pick up on this but made no comment. Either he understood it was deserved or simply didn’t want to ruin the good mood, which felt both relieving and fragile as porcelain.

At some point, Rhysand said he needed to pick up an order from the florist, and Azriel just waved him off, telling him not to hurry. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy Rhysand’s company, but working in silence in the workshop was something he preferred more than chatter.

There was something therapeutic about it.

But as soon as Rhysand left, about ten or fifteen minutes later, a painfully familiar car pulled into the workshop. Azriel glanced up, saw the license plate, and grimaced with displeasure. His frown deepened when Mor stepped out of the car, flashing a smile and bright red heels matching her lipstick—or lipstick matching her heels, which didn’t matter since she never bothered with colors, always choosing the same one for everything.

"Rhys isn’t here," Azriel told her coldly.

"Will he be back?" Mor asked calmly, clearly ignoring the hostility in his voice. She took a few steps closer, and Azriel rolled his eyes, closing the hood of the car he was working on and wiping his hands on the nearest towel.

"Maybe," he shrugged. "Go chat with Amren, she misses you."

Mor laughed, but Azriel hadn’t meant it as a joke. It was a very open "get out of my sight, woman."

"Amren doesn’t miss anyone," she said, leaning against the garage wall. "But I missed..."

"Amren?"

"You."

Here we go. Azriel sighed heavily and looked at her with a gaze full of disgust, causing Mor’s smile to falter slightly, though it didn’t disappear entirely. They were exes—the kind where she was the one who cheated on him with his best friend, never officially dated him, saying he’d embarrass her in her high society. The latter was said not so directly, but it was very clearly implied.

"Do you need something?" Azriel asked dryly.

"Can we talk?" Mor smiled sweetly at him, and for a second, in that gaze, in that smile, something of the girl Azriel once fell in love with flicker. The one who made him lose his head. The one he wanted to save. And then he reminded himself that she had never wanted saving and had never responded to his feelings with sincerity.

"We have nothing to talk about, Morrigan," he said, and Mor only looked at him with those "cute" sad eyes, almost like puppy eyes, and he almost felt sick. Azriel couldn’t understand how he had ever thought that expression was adorable.

"Az, we both know it was a misunderstanding," she said. "Between us."

"There were a lot of misunderstandings between us. One of them was us, in general," Azriel responded harshly, staring directly at her. "And you're married," he nodded at the ring on her finger.

Mor hurriedly put her hand in her coat pocket and shrugged. "Eris and I are getting a divorce."

Hearing his name from her lips felt strange. Even more strange was realizing what they were to each other. Despite Azriel having had enough time to come to terms with the idea, it still didn't help.

"Speaking of Eris," Mor suddenly said, sighing heavily and putting on her usual poor-me act. "Can you listen to me? Please."

Azriel pinched the bridge of his nose. "You won’t stop until you get what you want, will you?"

Mor shook her head. Azriel waved her off, returning to the car hood and continuing to tinker with it, avoiding looking at her while she began her story.

Mor rambled on and on. About how she had been forced to marry Eris against her will, how she drowned her despair in drugs, and of course, how endlessly grateful she was to Azriel for staying with her during this tough time in her life.

It all sounded like nonsense, like a cheap ploy to get his empathy. Azriel was too old to fall for such tricks.

Then Mor told him about how Eris had proposed the divorce, apparently through threats, claiming he couldn’t stand being with her. Azriel didn’t bother to mention that he had already heard Eris’s full side of the story. He let her play the victim, as she often did.

"My father is threatening me," Mor suddenly said, making Azriel look up at her. Given recent events and his overall knowledge, he knew Keir was a dangerous and despicable man. But at the same time, she might be exaggerating again. "He told me I must convince Eris not to file for divorce by any means necessary. But when he did file..."

"You tried to change his mind by threatening to take the property?" Azriel raised an eyebrow.

"Not exactly," Mor shook her head, sighing, biting her lower lip. "I want to run away, Az. For good."

She paused before continuing. "I want to go to Europe again, get a new passport, a new identity, and just disappear off the radar forever. I can’t stay here, Az. It’s too dangerous for me."

Azriel sighed heavily and looked at her unimpressed. "You know you could have asked Rhysand for help. Hell, Cassian, or even me. Eris would have given you fifty percent of the property anyway, so what was the point of waiting? You didn’t need to cause this whole shitshow just to get enough money for your little movie-cliché escape."

Mor only slumped and bit her lip harder. "I want stability. And for that, I need more money, Az. I need to know I can protect… never mind. Just understand, I’m not doing this for no reason."

"Mor, stop," Azriel growled irritably. "Cut the crap and say it outright—you want to take Eris’s money just because. Just because you need to make him suffer. Because you get this weird, sadistic pleasure from making people around you suffer while you play the victim. And I’m not even saying this out of anger, just from years of experience and observation."

"That’s not true," she said quietly in defense. "It’s really not. Understand, Eris is just a rich idiot with a silver spoon in his mouth and a trust fund. He might have deserved—"

"Shut your mouth," Azriel snarled. "You’re definitely not the one who can say what he deserved and what he didn’t."

Suddenly, something dangerous flickered in her eyes. Something that made Azriel frown and tense up. Mor's expression shifted from that of a poor lamb to something curious, but not just any curiosity—something dangerous.

"I was his wife for four years. I know what I’m talking about. And how long have you known Eris?" she asked.

"Long enough," Azriel dismissed.

"Are you friends?"

"None of your damn business."

Mor tilted her head to the side, then smirked for just a second. She pushed away from the wall. Azriel, watching her, narrowed his eyes, unsure of what she was doing.

"I have to run, Az," she said in that same sweet voice. "Tell Rhys I dropped by."

Azriel just waved his hand, indicating that he wouldn’t be passing anything on to Rhysand, and wishing she’d disappear as soon as possible.

***

"You’re really not happy to see me?" Mor's smile widened even more across her face. She rested her cheek on her hand, which still bore her wedding ring. Eris hated that diamond more than anything in the world.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he asked, approaching her. Mor was still comfortably seated in the chair, feeling no ounce of guilt. "You do realize this is breaking and entering. I can easily file a report on you."

"To your great disappointment, you can’t," Mor replied with a knowing smirk. Eris had underestimated her intelligence. "I’m still your wife."

‘Not for long,’ Eris thought but didn’t voice his thoughts. She knew that herself. Soon, they’d be divorced, and the issue of property would be left to chance. Maybe he’d get lucky, maybe not. Eris had slowly come to terms with the injustice, understanding that Mor would undeservedly get the money either way.

Still, she irritated him. Just the sight of her in his apartment, sitting so nonchalantly in his chair and flaunting the diamond on her ring finger, made his blood boil with anger. If only he had known what kind of woman she was, he would have discussed her addiction with Beron right away, hoping the thought of sickly offspring would alarm his father enough to cancel the engagement.

Maybe Eris should have done that. It didn’t occur to him at the time, being young and focused on other priorities. Or maybe he felt sorry for her, knowing Mor’s father would marry her off for profit no matter her feelings. And who knows what kind of scumbag she could’ve ended up with as a husband. Eris wasn’t a saint either, far from it, but he’d always been indifferent to her, never touching her more than necessary, and they had reached a truce rather quickly.

"And how long have you known how to pick locks?" Eris asked dryly, knowing Mor couldn’t have had any keys. He had changed the locks the day she moved out. "Or is this a habit from your junkie days?"

"You think I was breaking into apartments to scrape up money for the stuff?" Mor scoffed, wrinkling her nose in dramatic offense. "No, my ex taught me. Funny you haven’t had that experience yet. But don’t worry, it’s coming, and you’ll learn."

Eris’ heart skipped a beat. "Ex." It was still ahead of him. And damn it all, Mor was talking about Azriel.

If up until now, her presence had been tolerable—something he could endure before calling security on her unannounced visit—after the mention of Azriel, he grew angrier than he’d wanted to in front of Mor.

"Don’t make that face," Mor laughed sweetly, watching his futile attempts to maintain his composure. "Azriel really is a good guy, isn’t he?"

"Shut up," Eris growled. "You have no right to talk about him."

Not after Azriel had told him the full story of their relationship.

"Wow, you two really do share the same reaction," Mor laughed, watching him with interest. Eris immediately regretted losing control.

Mor examined her nails, feigning indifference to the situation. Eris thought that soon he might be facing a court case for murder, not just a divorce.

"What do you want, Mor?" he asked again, coldly and clearly, stepping closer and towering over her.

Mor looked up at him with a bored expression, pretending she didn’t care. She held his gaze and smiled again.

"You’re so serious, I can’t," she teased in a sing-song voice. "I spoke with Azriel today."

Nonsense. Azriel wouldn’t have let her near him, Eris thought. He narrowed his eyes, letting Mor know he saw through her lie, but she didn’t back down as he had hoped. Instead, she continued.

"It’s true," she said. "We accidentally ran into each other at a café today. Small world, right?"

The world might be small, but the city was huge. If they had met, it was definitely not by chance. Eris thought about how Mor's family had a habit of stalking and why he always ended up being the target. Besides, he hardly believed Azriel would go to any café today, considering he told Eris himself that he was going to buy some more frozen pizza today.

"And?"

"And I found out a very interesting little detail," Mor smiled sweetly, standing up from the chair, forcing Eris to take a step back. "At our first meeting, the three of us in the restaurant, I wondered why my dear husband and my even dearer ex both got so angry." She placed her thumb and index finger on her chin, rubbing it as if in deep thought. "And today, I decided to test my theory."

With each word, Eris reminded himself of who her father was and how unhappy he’d be if Eris killed her now. He hadn’t wanted to kill her when she first started blackmailing him with the video. But now? Now the situation was getting more serious, and Eris knew where this conversation was heading. That’s why he didn’t want to listen further, didn’t want to give her the chance to say it.

"Our parents would really enjoy this detail," Mor delivered the final blow, making him freeze for a split second. She savored the danger of the situation while clearly enjoying the show she had orchestrated, relishing every moment, catching every fleeting emotion on his face. "Especially your father."

"What do you want?" Eris asked hoarsely.

He hated feeling helpless. His lifelong need to keep everything under control—honed through years of experience and drilled into him—was now swiftly and relentlessly crushing him, clouding his ability to think rationally.

Mor laughed, clearly pleased that her plan had finally worked. She adopted a thoughtful look again, then smirked, but without any sweetness or exaggerated charm. Her smile was filled with venom, predatory and smug.

"Your Ferrari," she simply said. "That’s just for starters."

Eris only looked at her, unsure if this was some idiotic joke or if she was serious. But Mor just extended her hand, palm up, and tilted her head to the side. "The keys," she demanded.

Alright, this was exactly the kind of thing he expected from her.

"Don’t act like a bitch," Eris hissed. Mor’s eyes gleamed even more sarcastically, knowing she had the upper hand. "You’re bluffing."

"What makes you think that?" she scoffed, tossing her hair back. "You said the same about the video, but I still have it. And it threatens to fall into the wrong hands."

Of course, she wouldn't miss the chance to mention that as well.

"Your cousin is his best friend, and you've known him for over a decade," Eris coolly stated, sticking to the facts. "You wouldn’t put Azriel’s life in danger just to beg me for a car."

Maybe she would. Eris wasn’t sure about anything anymore, but he desperately wanted to believe that Mor wasn’t a total bitch and had some heart. Or at least basic brains. Given that her legal case and lawyer were being funded by her cousin, it was unlikely she would be reckless enough to truly threaten Azriel.

"I’m not ‘begging’ you for the car," Mor corrected him, clearly displeased with his choice of words. Too bad, but in Eris’s eyes, she was still a beggar, just from the world of the rich. "I’m taking it because I want to. And you’ll kindly hand it over to me."

They stared at each other for a long time, neither willing to back down. Eris was ready to burn her at the stake, and Mor would have gladly watched his panic. But no way was he going to show it. He wasn’t panicking yet—at least, not fully—but the tension was there. And it was strong.

"Do you really want to bet your partner’s life just to see if I’m bluffing or not?" Mor fluttered her eyelashes. "Once again, with the video, you also said it was a bluff. I wouldn’t take such risks, knowing your father’s reputation," she paused, allowing her words to increase the tension even more.

He realized he didn’t want to give any answers. He didn’t want, damn it, to do anything except for Mor to leave.

If she wanted the Ferrari for that, so be it. He had no energy left to argue, resist, or prove his point. In truth, his strength had run out much earlier—not today, not yesterday, and not even a week ago. Eris had genuinely considered just signing any document she put in front of him and walking away. He didn’t want any of this.

He didn’t want to deal with his father, didn’t want to find out if Mor was playing him, didn’t want to take the risk. Once, he would have gone to any lengths to deny her a single cent. Once, he would have insisted that she was bluffing. Once, it would have been easier for him to judge the situation.

But not now. Not when, for the first time, he had something to lose. And it wasn’t about the money.

Eris quietly cursed, running his hand through his hair. He reached into his jacket pocket and handed her the key fob, holding it between two fingers, dangling it above Mor’s open palm. He smiled crookedly and, letting go of the fob, opened his mouth to mockingly wish her a safe trip, but at that moment…

Mor withdrew her hand.

The keys clattered loudly to the floor, lying at her feet, between her annoyingly red high heels. Eris looked up at her, but Mor’s expression only carried mocking undertones.

"Pick them up," she said in a serious voice.

A command. Eris stared at her as if she were insane. He knew that every step she took was calculated to knock him off balance as much as possible, to pull the ground out from under him and never let him rise again. But this was something he hadn’t expected from her.

"Pick them up, Eris," she repeated, gesturing with her eyes toward the keys lying at her feet.

The red heels contrasted sharply with the white carpet, and the fob between them only reminded him of the mess he had gotten himself into by getting involved with Mor. Perhaps she was a creature from hell, sent to earth for his soul as punishment for his family’s sins. It would explain her unnatural love for the color red.

"Get the hell out of my apartment," Eris firmly told her, looking her in the eye.

"Your apartment?" Mor smirked. "Don’t worry, I’ll fix that soon too."

"Leave," Eris repeated even colder.

"I just remembered that a little bird told me my father recently paid you a visit," Mor suddenly said, clearly feeling that she couldn’t back down just yet, and her earlier threats had started to lose their effect on Eris. "What do you think, would my father like to know about your… extracurricular interests?"

Eris was a good lawyer, which meant he knew when to show emotion and when not to. Right now, every instinct told him this wasn’t the time. But those same instincts also reminded him what he could do.

And so, in response to her threat, he only laughed.

"You find my words funny?" Mor arched an eyebrow, crossing her arms and impatiently tapping her manicured fingers on her forearm.

Eris stopped laughing, sizing her up. "Emerie Arden," he said coldly, mentally savoring the way Mor’s face fell, and pure fear flashed across her features for a second before she managed to hide it, "twenty-seven years old, works part-time in Illyria, and performs as a drummer with the Valkyries at local bars. I can even give you her insurance number if that was not convincing enough."

He didn’t want to. He really didn’t want to involve this girl in his and Mor’s dirty dealings. But today, right now, Eris didn’t care that he was involving the innocent. Fuck it. Mor had dared to openly threaten him, and she was getting what she deserved. He wasn’t going to apologize.

Honestly, he enjoyed giving her a taste of her own medicine.

"I know her performance schedule, her shifts at that restaurant, and if you don’t believe me," he grinned predatorily, "I can attach proof to the next email, dear wife."

Mor looked at him with pure hatred, clearly ready to pounce on him if she had only enough sense to realize he was stronger.

"Your first mistake was sneaking into my apartment," he said in a low voice, taking a step toward her, suppressing a smirk as Mor stepped back. He knew who he resembled at that moment, and for the first time in his life, the comparison to his father didn’t repel him. Here, it was appropriate. Here, Eris didn’t care how much like Beron he was, as long as it worked. "The second and fatal mistake was bringing Azriel into this conversation. And the third, threatening me through him."

Mor’s back hit the wall as she took another step back. Her eyes still gleamed with anger, begging to erupt, but something in Eris’s expression made her hold back. Something in the unhealthy gleam of his eyes and his grin.

"You’re not the only one who figured out how to dig up dirt on someone’s personal life," Eris said coldly, leaning closer to her, still keeping a certain distance, as if afraid of catching something from her. "You might think we’re even now, standing on the edge of mutual destruction, but that’s not the case. I have all the resources to protect Azriel, something I can’t say about you. Emerie will suffer regardless of how this plays out, so I suggest you behave wisely."

"Go to hell," Mor hissed.

"And by 'behave wisely,' I mean refraining from such remarks directed at me," Eris continued unperturbed. "You’re going to be a good little girl, retract the property division lawsuit, and run off with your tail between your legs while I handle the grown-up details of our divorce. And if you don’t piss me off by then, maybe, just maybe, I’ll give you enough money for you and your latest plaything to escape unscathed. Do you understand me?"

With indifference, he held her gaze, swirling with emotions. Frankly, he didn’t care what she thought of him. But in her eyes, Eris saw understanding. That was enough.

"Get out," Eris repeated harshly for the third time.

Mor walked past him, and as soon as the door slammed, Eris could breathe again.

tag list: @sizzlingstarlightsky @isnotwhatyourethinking @molcat07 @chairofchaos @lilah-asteria

[thatrickmcginnis]

FELA KUTI Toronto 1989

Even though it went unpublished anywhere for over twenty-five years, my 1989 portrait sitting with Nigerian musical legend Fela Kuti is probably one of my most important shoots. It happened because, to put it plainly, I wanted it to happen, and did my level best to make it happen. I was a fan and had photographed Fela at a press conference here in 1987, doing publicity for a concert that ended up not happening for two more years. I was in a bit of a lacuna in my career when a new concert was announced, first at a soccer stadium not far from where I lived, before it was moved to the old Masonic Temple downtown, also known as the Concert Hall. I wasn’t shooting regularly for any publication at the time, so I was working strictly on spec when I contacted Gary Froude, the promoter of the show, to see if I could get permission not just to photograph the concert but possibly a few minutes for a portrait sitting. To my surprise he said yes.

Fela Anikulapo Kuti was born to a prosperous family in Nigeria in 1938 and made his name with Africa 70, his first big band, attracting the attention of musicians like Ginger Baker and Paul McCartney. He also became a vocal opponent of Nigeria’s government, criticizing them as he recorded prolifically, on albums like Confusion, Expensive Shit, Zombie, No Agreement and many others. In 1977 his Lagos compound was raided; Fela as beaten severely and his mother was fatally injured when she was thrown out a window. By the end of the decade he’d formed a new band, Egypt 80, and began releasing records like Army Arrangement and Teacher Don’t Teach Me Nonsense on labels in Europe and America. The Nigerian government jailed him on charges of currency smuggling in 1984, and in 1986 he performed at an Amnesty International concert in Giants Stadium. But ticket sales for his show in Toronto in 1989 were slow, forcing it to be moved to a smaller venue; I’m not sure the promoter made any money on it, but I remember it as one of the best concerts I have ever seen.

I showed up to photography Fela Kuti around soundcheck and set up my modest lighting in a big dressing room in the basement of the Concert Hall on Yonge Street. Most of all I remember that Fela was one of the most intimidating men I have ever met, and that we began the portrait sitting with a series of rather straightforward shots on my Mamiya C330 camera. After finishing a roll Fela signaled for a break; he stretched out on a couch and began smoking the largest joint I had seen in my life for over a half hour. When the portrait session resumed he was, as I once wrote, rather heroically stoned, and these photos were far looser, as Fela glowered and pulled at his face. I’ve included every worthwhile frame I shot that afternoon on this post – the first time many of these shots have ever been published. Fela Kuti died of complications from AIDS in 1997.

I returned that night to shoot the show, going through several rolls of colour and black and white film, after which everything sat in my files for over two decades until I posted a few shots on my old blog. They came to the attention of Rikki Stein, Fela’s onetime manager, who arranged for them to appear for the first time in a 2017 box set of Fela’s records curated by Erykah Badu. Since then my Fela shots have been reprinted frequently; they were featured as part of a nightclub set on the Netflix reboot of the prime time soap Dynasty, on a line of t-shirts made by Carhartt, and in a Fela exhibit in Paris in 2023. Last year one of my live shots of Fela was on the cover of the debut issue of Rolling Stone Africa, which felt like vindication for that spec shoot I’d begged to do almost four decades ago. (Though I still wish they’d gone with one of these portraits.)

[skierisa]

Ninjago 90s AU headcanons - part 3

headcanons: Part 1, part 2

designs: part 1, part 2

important detail: this would be like the og series, but they're regular teens in the 90s. Dragons Rising would be around early to mid 2000s in this AU, so the ninja are teens

OC'S ARE INCLUDED! 100% IGNORABLE IF YOU DON'T LIKE THEM

----------------------------------------

Cole and Vania met when she visited Ninjago for holidays with her dad. After that, they wanted to keep in touch so they became penpals. Vania was already friends with Geo and thought he and Cole had much alike so she arranged for them to exchange letters too, so they're all penpals!

Cole and Geo are both art nerds, however Cole's focused on painting and drawing (and a bit of music studies) while Geo focuses on sculptures

Cole would definitely introduce Geo and Nessa (oc) so they'd become the art trio

Both Zane and Pixal have younger siblings, Pixal has Cryptor and Zane has Echo.

Echo and Cryptor are the same age (14-15) and attend the same school, plus they're classmates.

Cryptor is the "edgy humour" kid with punk style but no punk beliefs (Kai and Valerie (oc) cringe by the sight of him). He's the edgy kid, actually.

Pixal is aware her brother is an annoying brat and she's the only one he listens and obey (ofc besides Cyrus)

Morro's always hanging out at Lloyd's house after college because he has nothing to do most the time

he likes messing with Lloyd for the funsies despite already being an "adult" (he's just 19 bruh, let him joke around)

Lloyd and Valerie (oc) tend to do sleepover at each other's houses, but they literally just watch films and talk (however Valerie's mum is very suspicious of them so she makes Lloyd sleep on the couch, while Valerie sleeps in her room)

Nya can skateboard, Kai can not. Kai can drive, Nya CAN NOT AND SHOULD NOT

Nya is a terrible driver, that's what I mean. Seriously terrible. Like, so bad she hit the car in all her attempts to get a license (the joke is: she's good at everything! Trust her with anything! Just don't give her your car keys)

Lloyd has met Valerie's (oc) family, and one of her younger siblings is super attached to him, so whenever he comes over, the kid is there, begging for attention

Like mentioned in part one, Nya does beads bracelets. She definitely has made tons of those for her friends, Kai, Lloyd and Jay are the ones that wear it the most (Nessa keeps hers for especial occasions because she fears it will break if she uses it too much)

Pixal is the only one Cryptor respects, not because she's his older sister or something like this, it's because she can get scary when annoyed

Vania wears this star shaped necklace that was actually given to her as a gift by Geo (he also made it)

Nya, Kai, Valerie and Nessa are childhood friends and neighbours and are only introduced to the main group through them (and Lloyd)

When it comes to "we are gonna do dumb things but we still need an adult around" they run to Valerie's older brother Kenichi, who's just there to guarantee no one dies. If you break a bone or two, he's either saying "that's a sign you're living your life" or "better than dead", and it's not because he doesn't care, he's just a chill guy. but he does take you to a hospital

Valerie is the one that takes most of the pictures (it's either her or Nya and Lloyd). She has a wall full of photos of their hangouts (and posters). Nya is more organised and leaves her favorite photos near her bed (also on the wall). But Lloyd keeps all of his in a huge album (with dates).

Kai and Lloyd sometimes bring their guitars to school and play during lunch. They do attract attention but don't care. However, whoever's with them (mostly Nya) does get annoyed by the people gathering on their table to watch them play (my girl just wants to eat in peace)

Their principal has already given up on telling them to stop too

Sometimes they eat out, sometimes they skip school and meet Val, Nessa and Pixal (who, again, go to a different school) and go to the theater watch whatever is on instead of eating

Lloyd, Jay, Nessa and Kenichi really thought the world would end in the year 2000. Their partners had to deal with the bullshit for sometime. They'd definitely believe the 2012 world ending thing too (except Lloyd would be more cynical this time while Nessa wouldn't believe at all, instead Kai would)

Jay and Lloyd are the prank duo, when april fool's come, not even their girlfriends are safe

As things start getting better (pls read the stuff in the designs post) among Lloyd and Harumi, they become the "cursing at each other"kind of friends. "Yeah, you're ugly, dunno how you pulled a girlfriend, but only I can say this to you" yk.

Morro jokes about Harumi on her face a lot too, despite not hanging around with her that much

Harumi and Nessa have matching rings when they date (Nessa has a fake pink diamond one and Harumi a fake deep purple diamond one)

ooookay that's it for now, i love doing these, definitely not stopping

[itstheghostofmypast]

After Midnight

HongJoong x (F)reader

(Reader is Jongho's cousin)

Summary: Late night coffee trips and splattered emotions. Secrets kept by intention and secrets that were just words unspoken. How long could he cling onto the feeling without letting it slip, or would facing it become a bigger issue than how he'd often look at her loving eyes and trip?

Photo credit: to rightful owner : https://pin.it/7aIO4Lg

"Can you please stop being over dramatic, we won't do anything." Wooyoung declared from across the room, laying on the sofa as he tossed his comic book aside. Yunho, who was sitting at the other end of the same couch nodded, "You realise we aren't perverts."

"Hyung, please, I am begging all of you do NOT do anything weird." Jongho sat on the floor, in front of Seonghwa who was extremely confused, but patted the younger one's head nonetheless.

"Of course, I know that!" The youngest whined, "But you guys get so excited and- and SAN HYUNG BREAKS STUFF AND YEOSANG HYUNG IS SO CLUMSY-"

"What is this about anyway?" Seonghwa asked, looking around for their 'captain', who had asked him earlier in the day to gather all the boys for he had someone to introduce to them.

"Basically, remember San wanted to do a barista bit, so manager-nim got it arranged, the owner is this loser's cousin and he's afraid we're going to do something to mess it up", Mingi declared, not sparing a glance from his phone.

"It's not like we'll do anything on purpose," Wooyoung muttered causing everyone but the maknae to chuckle. "Listen to me, she just started her business and she's the family's favourite and if something happens to-"

"Calm down." Seonghwa placed a hand on his slumped shoulder, squeezing it lightly as he gave him his signature smile, "Hongjoong and I'll make sure nothing of the sort happens, okay?"

"Speaking of Hyung, where is he?"

☕

"You ready?" He placed his hand on hers, eyes still on the road, giving it a light squeeze.

The thing is, she wasn't nervous, but she knew he was. She had already met his parents and his brother, in the six months of being together and other than him assuring her about being liked by them, she was sure about their positive feedback of her as well. So, why was he so nervous about introducing her to his friends?

Though Hongjoong claimed to be a calm and expressionless individual, she knew he was far from it. There were many things that he'd do that would give away his feelings, from the way he'd bounce his leg every time he was worried, to how he'd randomly smile at himself when he was happy, to how he'd initiate physical contact when he was nervous, such as now. He was never a handsy person, which is something she loved about him, for he'd never initiate anything unless he got her approval first. The first time he held her hand was after they had been dating for three months, the full-on fingers locked together. He was nervous that day as well, standing in front of his parent's door as he waited for someone to open the door, praying the night would go well.

So right now, their hands were in the same position, gripping onto hers as if he was afraid she'd disappear, which is why she thought distracting him would be a good option.

"Joongie?"

"Hmm?"

"You know Ateez?" She felt how sweaty his palm got at that, glancing at her as he licked his lower lip, "Yeah? What about them?"

Frowning she shook her head, "No as in, do you know the group? Have you heard their music before? They want to do a show at my cafe and I agreed, I do need the money but I was wondering, if you're free that day, you could be there with me?"

He parked right in front of the gate of a house and looked at her. "Sometimes I forget how out of touch you are with the world." He pointed out, causing her frown to deepen as he chuckled, leaning closer to peck her.

"I'll be there." With that he was out of the car and was opening her door for her, holding onto the bag of pastries she had made for them before closing down her cafe.

Still sceptical, she stepped out before linking her arm with his, her nerves getting to her as she stared at the house. "We- I mean...what if they don't like me and you and I have to break up and--" she whispered only to be cut off by his firm, "They will like you."

☕

The eldest got up when they heard the doorbell ring, "Listen, he had to introduce us to someone, so everyone please be nice okay?"

"Hope it's a turtle." Yeosang whispered to himself, earning a look of confusion from Wooyoung who also muttered, "What is wrong with you?"

"Did you all listen to what Hyung said!?" Jongho asked, trying to bring back the topic needing everyone's attention, this is why he asks HongJoong to do things, they listen to him. Speak of the devil, he turned to the door when he heard their captain, "Everyone, I'd like you to meet-"

"Jongho?"

"Y/N?"

"Eh?"

"Eh?"

"Eh??"

"Eh???"

"You...know him?" Hongjoong cut the session of their confusion, staring at the confused faces of everyone else too.

"We're cousins."

"WHAT."

"Hyung's already made moves on your cousin, bro." Wooyoung snorted, high-fiving San whose boisterous laugh echoed across the walls, the faces of the two cousins reddening, for different reasons.

"HYUNG WHAT THE HELL- Y/N WHY WOULD U DATE SOMEONE YOU JUST MET?"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?"

"Jongho, I've known her for more than half a year." Their leader rubbed his temples, "If this is because of the cafe thing, then I assure you, I did not know the cafe owner we had been in touch with was your cousin, who also happens to be my girlfriend."

"Wait..." She pulled away from him to glare at him, "You're an idol- wait." Turning to look at Jongho, "You're part of Ateez?"

"Yes, get with the program sister." He snapped only to apologise as soon she raised an eyebrow at him, but it was HongJoong's death glare that had him apologising twice.

"I am." He cleared his throat, before introducing each member, "This is Seonghwa, that over there is Yunho, next to him is San, Yeosang and Wooyoung on the couch and of course, you already know Jongho." Placing the pastries on the coffee table he turned to look at her, for she had not moved an inch from the doorway, "I...I'm sorry for not telling you earlier when we started dating, I thought you really were joking about not knowing any other group after EXO or VIXX, but I soon realised how out of touch you were with pop culture...so I...didn't want to ruin it.' he mumbled the last part, only for her to stare at him then aimlessly nod.

"He's told me a lot about you" Seonghwa offered, placing a hand on her shoulder, "please have a seat," he glanced at Wooyoung and Yeosang who got up to give her space to sit.

"How about you guys talk and I'll go make some tea." Seonghwa motioned for Hongjoong to follow and the younger one knew he was going to get an earful.

Y/N sat there staring at her hands, he had kept it from her since they were together. Exactly who was she in a relationship with? What else was he lying to her about? Is that why when she told him she doesn't like the concept of dating pro-idols, he avoided her for a week? Was she some form of mere entertainment-

"Y/N?"

She looked up at her name being called, she wasn't too good at learning the names of strangers she'd just met, but she could tell San's face apart from all of them, his name did reflect his physical being.

"Yes?"

"Did you make all of these?" He asked with a boyish smile, "No wonder Hyung was obsessed with your cafe."

She couldn't help but chuckle at his comment, watching everyone nod in agreement, except for Jungho who was still sulking on a single seater, arms crossed, glaring at Y/N.

"Yah, stop being rude to our guest." Wooyoung scolded, flipping the lid of the box and showing the abstract logo, "How on earth did you not know this was from your cousin's cafe."

"Because I don't go prying into people's lives." He huffed, side-eying Y/N who rolled her eyes.

"Kinda think it was hyung prying into your life..." Yunho mumbled before grabbing a tart only to stop when he heard her gasp.

All worried eyes looked at her, even her cousin.

"YOU'RE RICH, YET YOU JUST GAVE ME A FRUIT BASKET ON MY BIRTHDAY?"

☕

"I thought you said you've told her." The eldest began as he placed the cups in a tray, staring at the water boil in the kettle, he knew if he made eye contact with the leader, the younger one would lose all confidence and quiet down.

"I um...I tried to, many times I swear, usually something would come up and remember when she said that thing about the idol? I couldn't just take a risk, not after she told me she really really liked me, and I tried telling her three days ago too, but she was so busy with what she called a new venture and in the car ride today she told me it's with Ateez!" He argued, whining as he sat on a bar stool, laying his head on the marble countertop, feeling the cool sensation against his warm, buzzing forehead.

"So, what will you do now?"

"I don't know...I do like her-"

"Then tell her- no, you should have told her from the start." he sighed, staring at the steam slowly begin to seep out of the spout of the kettle.

HongJoong was about to respond but the loud noises from outside caused Seonghwa to sigh and motion for him to go check it out.

Stepping into the sitting area he saw Jongho on the ground, curled up in a ball wincing every time he got smacked with a cushion, thrown by none other than Y/N.

"What's going on?" he asked only to meet the glare of his girlfriend who ignore him and sit back down frowning.

Yeosang just patted his shoulder and muttered, "Jongho may have crossed a boundary. Also, we'll be in our rooms, call us when...everything okay...or at least when the tea is ready."

With that the others followed him out, Yunho dragging a whining Jongho by the ankle. If HongJoong wasn't scared of his relationship, he would've laughed at the sight. The room was filled with awkward tension, a million questions running through his mind, followed by the scenarios he assumed would play out. He was the leader, he was supposed to be good at communication, but to some extent that skill did not cross over to his personal life, restricted to only their professional industry.

So he stood there staring at the floor, hands by his side, wondering how to approach this, without hurting her or at least by not worsening the situation. Glancing at him she realised he must be off to his usual internal battle, that's the first she had noticed about him. However, he would just freeze in place, vividly having an internal monologue with himself, turning it into a debate.

"I'm sorry, we're closed for the night," she said as she twisted the key to lock the glass door, her eyes meeting with dull orbs. She could see the electric blue hair peaking from under a beanie, college students were weird these days. No, their parents were, her parents never even let her dye her hair to a lighter shade, let alone bleach it.

"I" Pulling out the key she turned to him completely, waiting for him to continue his statement. Only then did she take in his appearance, bigger than her, but smaller than the usual students who drop by, dressed in all black, covered with a giant black coat, the academic look of defeat completed by the backpack slinging off his shoulder.

Hongjoong had gone through possibly the worst day of his life. He had gotten up to the sound of the members fighting in the kitchen, which was very rare, especially if it was San arguing with someone, said someone being Yeosang. He knew the boy was patient, but under the immense pressure of the comeback, everyone was slowly cracking and it could only take so much for Yeosang to do as well. He would constantly remind the members that the boy has his limit too, and pushing him to it would be bad because while the quiet one was extremely understanding, his tongue was sharp enough to slice any man, woman or child in half. And that had happened,

"Hyung why not?" San had argued, about something extremely stupid.

"because I don't want to, just because you guys yell doesn't mean I'll always listen," he mumbled back scrolling through his phone.

"It's one backflip! Do you think I won't be able to catch you, you're already so small and-" his words were cut short as Yeosang slammed his phone on the counter and glared at San, "Small? I'm not small you giant man child, I am not a toy for you to toss around, go bother someone else."

"Yeosang..."Seonghwa sighed, noticing the frown present on San's face, he knew the younger one wouldn't answer back, just bottle it up.

"What? What Yeosang? I am sick and tired of this nonsense, everyone has a limit!" uncharacteristic volume of his voice startled everyone, the younger ones staring at their breakfast as he looked directly at Seonghwa, "You can't start a fight or throw an insult and expect me to always shut up and take it!"

"That's enough..." Yunho mumbled, placing a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it lightly as he noticed his lower lip trembling, "No!" he slapped his hand away, "You all say whatever you want! And I just have to listen to it?! Why?"

"Hyung we aren't against you-" Jongho was about to continue but stopped when he met the icy gaze of Seongha- shit.

"You're not the only one here Yeosang." his words were sharp, with no warmth to them, "You don't want to do something- fine. But we're all under some kind of stress." he hissed, earning a scoff from the younger one, made the others gasp in fear. No one, not even HongJoong had scoffed let alone responded to Seonghwa when he was angry.

"You got a problem, Kang? You take it up like a man." the screeching of his chair echoed across the kitchen as he stood up with a force that scared Yunho enough to come in between their glare, begging the older with his gaze, "H-hyung come on, this isn't us. We're all just a little worked up." he looked at Wooyoung who for once looked scared as hell, "Y-yeah, let's all just apologise to each other." he aided his older friend and gulped when San shook his head staring it at his lap, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Oh look, big baby can start shit but not apologise?" Yeosang was practically shaking in anger at this point, he knew he was being rude, hurting San, and disrespecting Seonghwa, but if he was hurting then so would everyone else.

"What did you say?" Seonghwa shoved Yunho aside only to stop as his gaze locked with someone outside the kitchen. He let out a sigh before sitting back down, glancing at Yunho who looked at him with fearful eyes, slowly nodding at him. It was when Yunho sat down that others including, San looked up and Yeosang to craned his neck to look back and saw their captain. His giant glasses were at the tip of his nose, magnifying the dark circles under his tired, puffy eyes. He looked more tired than the rest of them, hw also looked more disappointed and upset than the rest of them.

Entering the kitchen he looked at the mess before shaking his head, going over to the counter to get himself some coffee, waiting for them to feel his presence. That's what he'd always do, just sit there or stand there stand in silence observing them. Two reasons; firstly he wanted them to realise their mistakes and secondly, he needed time to form words that were supposed to diffuse the situation.

"So, I guess I overslept through this," he said, back leaning against the counter, holding the warm mug of coffee in his hand as he stared at them. "I'd ask who started it, but I don't care, tell me, who wants to end it."

"I'm not going to, it's not even my fault," Yeosang muttered playing with a fork.

His eyes moved to San who looked at him before lowering his gaze and shaking his head.

He let out a sigh before downing his coffee in one go, placing the mug on the counter, "Fine. I'll go first." he said staring at them, "I'm sorry you guys have to work so hard to achieve your dreams."

"Hyung..." San mumbled but was cut off by HongJoong, "I'm sorry you all are so stressed and worked up, I wish I could take that from you all, but I can't no matter how hard I try. But if there's one thing I'm not sorry for, it's your crappy attitude, and I don't remember ever encouraging that we come at one another in the hardest of times."

Mingi looked at HongJoong, knowing how he was one of the people here who had to face the heat from all ends, someone who would cover for them blindly, no questions asked. So it is natural for him to be disappointed in this situation, given it involves the two people who fight the least.

Everyone thought San would be the first to apologise, but when Yeosang spoke up, even HongJoong was surprised, "I'm sorry...San, I shouldn't have lost my temper, but I'm not doing a back flip." he said looking at the boy who as staring at his lap before turning to the eldest and taking a deep breath, "Hyung, I'm so-"

"It's fine" Seonghwa cut him off, "Just...be careful next time, ya know." he gave him a small smile before everyone looked at San who sniffed.

"San? Do you have something you wanna say to Yeosang?" HongJoong asked, really in no mood for this to continue.

He was about to ask again before a choked sob left the big boy, causing them all to sigh in defeat, they knew once he'd reached the point of anger he'd just break down and cry himself to sleep. Usually, they'd let him, but HongJoong wanted him to apologise to Yeosang, so it would be fair.

He called out for the boy again but stopped when Yeosang got up, presuming he was going to leave, but once he walked over to the boy, a small smile made its way to HongJoong's face.

Sighing Yeosang patted the younger one's head, mumbling, "I forgive you...and you aren't a man child...though you are annoying sometimes." the younger one pulled him into a bone-crushing hug, whining out apologies into his shoulder, Yeosang wheezing out its okay, please don't crush me to death.

After that, HongJoong told them to take the day off and that he handle the manager himself. With only a mug of coffee in his system, he had gone to the studio, explained and begged the manager to let the rest take a day off, and in return, he would work on their album in the studio. To his luck, he was allowed to do so.

Unfortunately, he had started working at around, 10 am and by the time he felt that his body was demanding proper food and rest, he had realised that it was past midnight. Hence he had run out of the building to look for anything to eat, to kill his hunger and the banger headache that ran around, screaming in his skull.

He had recently been told by Bang Chan about a new cafe, where the owner was relatively young but paid no mind to celebrities or anyone else, just asked them to have a good time and the coffee was a blessing itself. This is why when he finally made it to the shop, lady luck was once again not on his side.

She was closing up and although he wanted her to listen, he had no real words or energy left to ask - beg- her to open the shop again, just for him, just this once.

"We open at 9 am, you can come by then." she gave the kid a tight-lipped smile, noticing how he never continued his statement or moved.

She had no plans on entertaining a brooding college student at this hour, hence, she was almost ten steps away when she heard a low but very loud growl. Slowly turning around to lock eyes with him, he quickly bowed embarrassed as hell, standing up straight to leave but his stomach was quicker than him.

A stiff giggle escaped her lips as she looked at the embarrassment behind his eyes, the rest of his face was covered by a mask but she could tell by the reddening of his ears that he wanted the earth to swallow him whole.

"Alright, here's tart and here's your coffee, now," she frowned at him with her hands on her hips "This is not a healthy meal, young man, nor do I open up for students in the middle of the night. So, eat up and go home, and don't tell your college-" she paused when he took off his mask, and beanie, eating, no swallowing down the food, "Highschool? Either way, high schoolers shouldn't be out t this hour." she continued to berate him, no more concerned about him being a customer but him as a child. She remembered her cousin pulling shit like this, staying up late at night and for her to help him with his homework before class.

"And which school allows you to dye your hair-"

"I'm 24 years old by the way."

"It's unreasonable- I- sorry what?"

It was then that the two learnt something about each other. He was older than he looked and she loved to nag. Neither found it a problem after a week of him showing up at this hour- which was reserved only for him.

Hence, much like that night she saw him staring at her, well actually he was in thought. It didn't take long for her to figure out that it would usually be her who would address the elephant in the room, him being more of an introvert. Lucky for her, her ambivert personality made it easy for her to deal with just about anyone.

Patting the place beside her she looked at him with pleading eyes. "Wanna...talk?" she muttered, although still a bit upset.

Sighing in defeat he went and sat next to her, placing his hand on hers, unlike how they made fun of him for being small, he was always glad to know that she was smaller, her hands were a good size smaller than his, which is why he loved holding them.

"I know...I should've told you." he sighed glancing at her, only to find her staring at him with full force. That was another thing about her that he had to learn the hard way. The days when he decided to ditch her when she had shown her displeasure towards idols and dating such.

He had td Seonghwa, who had suggested perhaps telling her, to which he argued with the "She's too headstrong- it's like...convincing Jongho to lose a game so Yunho doesn't feel bad."

So, naturally, he had decided to not go there anymore, or at least tried to. For three months he had been a regular 1 am customer - no- a friend, a potential lover, he says potential because he could see the way her cheeks would be dusted with pink when he'd compliment her baking, or how she'd avert her gaze every time they'd lock eyes for longer than 5 seconds. He was ready to dive in and tell her about his job, himself, and his dreams.

That is until she told him how she was not into pop culture, her cousin being in some idol group was hectic for everyone and stressful, she had seen the elders in her family stress over him. She wasn't into the fandom wars too, music should be enjoyed, not be fought over.

"So, like...no band or group?" he asked taking a sip of her new variation of the coffee of the day- reserved just for him.

"Well, I used to be obsessed with EXO and...for some time with VIXX but, that's about it."

"You don't even know which group your cousin is in."

"Nope, don't care, punk owes me a decent birthday gift though."

Swallowing the lump in his throat he smiled at her comment, no longer interested in telling her about anything. To him, she was a peaceful, pure, pretty little girl, if she was truly happy not knowing things like these, then there was no way he was going to drag her into it all.

That's why he had decided to not go there anymore. Even when Bang Chan had texted him, asking if he liked the place, he said it was 'okay'. Truth be told it had been a week since he had met up with her, let alone call her- he had been ignoring her texts too. It had been going weirdly okay, it had been a week, no other member but Seonghwa knew about his secret friend- ex-friend and much to his surprise the older hadn't pushed him into meeting up with her again.

He wasn't going to go to her, yet, he stood in front of her cafe, staring at the dim light that was on, it was 00.58 am. Two more minutes and he'd step into the cafe- why? Simple.

For once he was free before midnight, for once he was going to go to sleep before midnight. Flopping face down on the pillow, he was almost gone to meet the sandman when his phone buzzed. Assuming it was the manager he squinted at the bright screen:

☕: Hi, I just wanted to apologise if I've said or done something to upset you. I know you aren't responding to me, which is fine, but I need to know if I should move on and forget our friendship. Tonight's the last night the cafe will remain open till 1 am.

(00.15)

That's all it took for him to go rushing towards her, no way in hell did he ever want her to think this was her fault, let alone apologise for something she didn't even do. It's not like she knew he was an idol, nor did she ask before they developed feelings for one another.

01.00 am

Taking a deep breath he walked into the cafe, closed the door behind him, and went to the table at the corner, nearest to the counter, where he saw a cup of coffee and a new pastry on a pretty plate.

Sighing he looked around before sitting down, waiting for her to come before beginning to eat, like he usually would. And just like usual the door kitchen doors opened and she came out with an empty tray, frowning. This was the first he had seen her frown, the first time he had seen a small crease between her eyebrows and a small pout replacing her usual smile.

Did she not want to see him today-

"Oh, you're here?"

Never mind, she just didn't see him sitting there.

Wordlessly nodding he gestured for her to sit down, he was going to do it tonight. Tell her the truth, so the ball would be in her court. He had enough happening on this side of the field to be dealing with this too. He liked her, he really did, he enjoyed knowing someone who was disconnected from his bustling world of stardom. One could also say he was truly inspired and somewhat intimidated by her straightforward personality and way of life. He'd usually ponder for hours before saying anything to anyone, she'd take 2 minutes, not that she was brash, but she was honest. There were many things she'd do that would remind him of Jongho and it somewhat scared him.

But he was ready this time, he was going to do the same thing she would always do, tell the truth.

Glancing up from his now empty mug to meet her burning gaze. He flinched and tried to pass a cheesy, heart-stopping smile, but he got nothing in return. Weird, fans would usually love it.

"Are we friends or not?"

No, they were not friends, he didn't want to be just friends with her.

"No."

She looked at him for a second, taking in his small rejection. She'd be lying if she didn't feel sick to the core, for almost a week she was waiting to see him. So desperate, she wasn't even sure if it was platonic anymore, but that made it worse. Never had she felt the urge to be around someone, that too with someone who barely spoke, often did the listening and then just ghosted her.

Taking in a deep breath she slowly nodded, feeling the dejected atmosphere settle around her. Perhaps she wouldn't even open the shop tomorrow-

"I want to be more."

His words echoed across the empty shop, only then did she realise he had moved right in front of her. Pulling her up to stand, cold hands cupping her warm face as he looked at her with love wrapped with guilt.

He didn't know why he had blurted out either of the things he had just said, but all he knows is as soon as he saw the defeated look in her eyes, he decided to not tell her about being an idol- perhaps it was him being selfish, wanting to experience the love that was not bound to his career, or maybe he pitied her, for falling for someone who had been lying to her, or maybe, just maybe, he had realised that it would have become difficult for him to pull through without her, especially when he had shown up as soon as the message of parting was delivered.

"I'm sorry." he whispered turning, "But, please try to understand, when you said...the idol thing, I did try to pull away but." Moving closer she continued to look at him with eagerness, wanting him to continue, she knew it was better for him to let it out of his system.

"But?"

"But, I couldn't" and just like that it was like they were sitting there at the cafe. Back to that very night at post 1 am, staring at each other, him confessing to her as if his life depended on it. Alone, together. He cupped her face again, just like that day, licking his lips as he glanced at hers, never understanding why he thought kissing her was better than using words to express himself.

If Wooyoung would even get a whiff of this then he'd never let it die, demanding something stupid like "Kiss me to convince me Hyung."

"Will you keep staring or say something?"

Snorting at her words, a surge of confidence ran through him, as he raised an eyebrow, "Impatient aren't we?" Squishing her cheeks he pecked her pouting lips, "I was scared you'd leave me. I...was...a bit selfish I guess". Smiling at her glare he repeated the gesture, short and sweet pecks, using them to punctuate each statement;

"And I am truly sorry for it."

"I know you're mad at me, and you have every right to be."

"I just didn't know what to do anymore."

"I did want to tell you, each day, but each day I felt my fears grow worse."

"What if we broke up?"

"What if you begin to hate me?"

"I couldn't... I didn't want to risk it."

"For that I am sorry. But I will never be sorry for falling in love with you."

With one last peck, he pulled away, all confidence deflated as he sat back up, staring at his lap again. Two things were bothering him now,

a)would she forgive him?

b)is Jongho his ideal type?

"You...love me?" she whispered touching her lips that were still warm from his antics as she stared at the wall in front of them. Her face flushed at this thought, covering her face with her hands as she let out a muffled giggle before quickly turning to meet his confused stare.

"You do? Really?" she asked holding his hand in hers, shaking him a bit as he chuckled nervously, "Not how I wanted to confess, but yeah- do you?" he asked, trying to read her positive expressions over and over so he could calm down his insecurities and fears.

"To the moon and back."

His ears perked up at that mumble confession, eyes widening at the sight of her shying away after saying that out loud. But he pulled her back, arms wrapping around her frame like a rope as he pulled her closer, slowly resting his forehead on hers, glancing at her glossy eyes then lips back to her shy and pure eyes, then closed his own, relishing in the feeling of pure bliss of being this close to her, body and soul.

"EW HYUNG GET AWAY FROM HER!"

The two flew miles away, at the opposing ends of the couch. Faces flushed, both eying the floor like it was the prettiest thing in the world. Neither spoke a word and Jongho stomped inside the room and sat between the two. If she wasn't embarrassed about being caught by him, she would've smacked him on the head. She was the same age as HongJoong but she was older than this idiot. On the other hand, HongJoong still couldn't get over this giddy feeling of her reciprocating his feelings, his fingers were digging into his pants as he smiled to himself like an idiot.

"Glad to see everyone's happy." they turned to the door frame where Seongjwa came in with a tray, tea and cups atop. Thebothers followed in as Wooyoung winked at HongJoong who rolled his eyes and leaned forward to look at Y/N who was still staring at the floor before, a blushing mess before she turned to Jongho and poked his side earning a squeak from him, "Move."

"But!"

"👀" he stopped when he noticed how almost everyone was side-eying him, causing him to whine and get up. As her cousin was out of view, her eyes locked with a smiling HongJoong- he looked a bit too happy, leading her confidence to falter as she cleared her throat and turned to face the rest.

"Here." Yeosang smiled at her, handing her a cup, "I'm glad you aren't a turtle."

She took the cup with a thank you before raising an eyebrow, mumbling a 'what'?

"He thought hyung would bring a turtle," San interjected from across the room as he picked up two pastries, much to Yunho's displeasure.

"But we're glad you aren't a turtle" Wooyoung chimed, winking at HongJoong, "But shall we discuss PDA rules, so Hyung can keep his hands to himself and so Jongho doesn't lose his mind?"

Before the older could react her laughter interrupted them, she covered her mouth trying to contain herself as she shook her head, turning to smile at HongJoong, with a knowing smile, resulting in him giving her a pleading look and shaking his head.

"He's BLUSHING"

"AWW HYUNG YOU'RE ALL RED"

"DOES THIS COUNT AS PDA TOO?"

She laughed along to their teasing, glancing at HongJoong who grew redder with each comment, this was his world, his safe place, and he trusted her enough to bring her here.

While they continued to make fun of him amongst each other, they didn't notice her moving closer to him. She placed a hand on top of his, only for him to flip it, so her palm was facing him, locking their fingers together. This was the only form of PDA everyone should have been worried about because as simple of a gesture it was, it was the most intimate thing they'd do.

"Why do I feel like this wasn't a good idea?" he whispered to her, earning a chuckle, "It's okay, 1 am coffees are still reserved only for you." she smiled back at him, before turning to see how they had moved onto teasing Jongho who was hiding behind Seonghwa as his savior.

"Thank you," he muttered out of nowhere, unsure of what he was thanking her for, but the squeeze of his hand made him sigh in relief, leaning back and watching it all unfold, liking how everything had turned out better than he had expected it to be.

"Y/N save me!" Jonghoncalled out to her as she got up from her place, HongJoong having an amused smile plastered on his face, knowing her intentions.

Jongho looked up at her with expectant eyes, everyone else stopping their ministrations at once, only for Mingi to burst out laughing as she stopped by the coffee table, grabbed a tart and went back to sit next to HongJoong, "Once, this is over, how about I show everyone Jongho's baby pictures."

"Y/N NO!"

"YES PLEASE!" They all yelled, getting worked up and messing with the maknae. HongJoong patting her back, too giddy and relaxed to let anything bother him at this point, at least for the night.

A/N: Okay, so I hope ya'll like it. Ateez will be the death of me, I'm sorry. I can not. If you like my work, I'd be glad if you want to join my Ateez taglist.

[damagedintellect]

Trafalgar Law x reader

💌 Fake it till you make it: Chapter 9  💌  

Summary:  To avoid an arranged marriage set up by Doflamingo, Law needs to bring home a girlfriend during the Christmas break and you just so happen to be a theatre major in the same dorm at One Piece University. What could possibly go wrong?  

Tropes: College AU, Fake Dating, Idiots in love

💌 Word count: 4,531 💌 <= Previous Chapter | Next Chapter =>

It had been a few days since you got back from Dressrosa and the news of Law’s engagement had spread across social media like wildfire. It was posted all over click bait channels and anytime either of them made a public appearance they were seen together. You stopped looking at the photos after seeing the first few. Once you cleared your head and your eyes it was painfully obvious to you by the expression on Law’s face that he didn’t choose to be there but it still didn’t explain his rash behavior. You spoke with the rest of the gang about it in the morning since you had calmed down after seeing the surgeon last. If not for your own sake than for Corazon’s. There’s not much anyone could do without some sort of leverage in this situation so it was best to wait and gather as much information as possible but that was proving hard to do. There was nothing you could do without someone on the inside and with Corazon’s condition it was nearly impossible since no one else has a family in the same social circle. Sanji was your best bet and he seemed to be slowly chipping away at Pudding’s facade but who's to say what her true feelings and intentions are. It’s not like anyone knew who she was before everything happened anyhow.

The reasoning for the engagement was still a mystery from her side as well and you’re not going to lie it's starting to look like both Law and Pudding hate each other's guts. Which was odd considering your first few interactions together seemed like she was trying to steal Law away from you. The media doesn't see it that way. The articles always talk about how sweet and romantic young love is but the look they give each other, to you looks like they're on each other's last nerve. Bepo, Shachi and Penguin have been in frequent contact with Law since that night but he was generally a private person and some things never change. Luffy still wants to kick Doflamingo’s ass and has mentioned that no matter what the plan is he intends to do it regardless. The prospect of him going through with it scares everyone monumentally. After Nami's old landlord, the Crocodile incident and the government trying to revoked Robin's dual citizenship Luffy was already batting a hundred taking on big name corporations. Despite Luffy prevailing at each event, the chaos he created stressed everyone out severely which was why they were all terrified. Everyone except for maybe Zoro, he was just as rash as Luffy when it came to these kinds of things.

It all made your head spin. Being logical in this regard just left you more and more confused. Things still didn't add up from your point of view. There was no motivation from anyone or well none that made a lick of sense other than Doflamingo being an asshole just to be an asshole. Even then it still begged the question as to why this was his course of action. Sabo found it an interesting topic to discuss and you second that opinion because you can't see Law being good at running a toy empire. Sugar would definitely be a better choice for an heir. Sure Law was smart but he wasn’t into business or the industry as a whole. You couldn’t even imagine him dealing with kids since he didn't have the patience to be in pediatrics.

Speaking of patience, you were still seething over the turn of events but part of you was almost relieved that you could tell that Law was just as miserable. Or at least you hoped he was miserable. It was hard to say. Bepo,  Shachi and Penguin are your only sources of information and they're not sure how much you wanted to hear about your technical ex. Personally you were still pretty upset and being given all this reassurance of Law’s self-sacrificing nature almost hurts more than being dumped out right but there was no use crying about it anymore. You had already agreed to meet with Bon Clay to work on a set for the bachelor party. If anyone could get him to talk it was you. The voice in the back of your head was screaming for you to take a page out of Luffy’s book and just beat the information out of Law yourself but you were better at dancing than fighting. Although nothing could have trained you for how exhausting learning pole dancing could be. You admired Bon Clay immensely after your first practice. It wasn’t that hard to pick up thematically but the execution was a different feat of its own. In order for you not to raise any suspicion with being involved in the bachelor party you practiced on campus. It turns out that the campus already had a dance hall with poles installed. There’s a lot of misconception with the world of pole and pole dancing but it’s an incredible full body workout and a competitive sport. In the end you weren’t perfect but with each day you were getting better at it. Your mind was so preoccupied with it that you almost forgot that you had agreed to be Pudding’s maid of honor.

She texted you wanting to meet for lunch to discuss your so-called “duty” as maid of honor. Nami and Robin offered to go with you but you waved them off. You needed to go alone so you could get to the bottom of this once and for all. You were running out of time and you had to do something. Pudding had requested you meet at a small cafe on campus run by the culinary majors. You had always wanted to go but money was an issue, you scowled, that doesn’t matter now. It ticked you off beyond belief but a few hours earlier you had received an email that someone had wired you an exuberant amount of funds. It was under the Donquixote name but you could only assume that it was Law actually sticking to his word that he would pay you for your services in Dressrosa. It made you feel uneasy because on one hand, DAMN YOU'RE WORTH A LOT but also you are not quite sure if you should be proud of that. Furthermore, what a lame way to say it’s over. When you told the boys about it, Penguin only shrugged and showed you the text he received. There was a chance he was trying to take a stab at Doflamingo, although in the end it made you roll your eyes. Genuinely you could not understand what was going through the surgeon's head.

As you waited for Pudding you ordered some tea. She managed to show up by the time it arrived. "Were you waiting long?" She asked as she leisurely ordered, smiling like nothing had happened between the two of you. You added on a few pastries for the fuck of it before answering her. "I was, days in fact. Actually scratch that, it's more like weeks isn't it." You planned on giving her an earful. If you were going to suffer as her maid of honor you were at least going to get something out of it. Pudding only leaned back in her chair grinning at your response. "Look at you, you did notice. You should have said something."

You folded your arms across your chest, god the audacity of this bitch. "If you recall I did, you knew Law was my boyfriend."

She clicked her tongue at you "Well I was supposed to marry him more than six months ago but he ran away before even meeting me. Do you know how bad that's deemed for someone of my status?"

You scoffed "Big whoop, he stood you up. By the looks of it he did you a favor." You pulled out your phone sharing the best pictures displaying their obvious disdain for each other. "What happened to that clingy lovey dovey act you had at new year's. Aw was acting too hard for the pastry princess." you mocked in a pitying tone. You were going to sass the hell out of Pudding. Hopefully the more buttons you pushed the more information she’d spew just so she can have the last laugh. It wasn’t a perfect plan but it seemed to be working so far.

"Watch yourself. (Y/N), I can ruin your career before you even have a chance at life." She took a sip of her drink. "If you must know, originally I planned to make him fall in love with me and then break his heart but I miscalculated."

You rolled your eyes looking at your nails trying to be smug as fuck. "And you are telling me this because?" You drew out the last syllable rolling your eyes.

You could see you struck a nerve by the way she almost faltered but she cackled smiling almost maniacally. "I'm going to make his life miserable the same way he made mine and you can do nothing but watch. With front row seats too!"

At least that answers one question. You kept up your act brushing her off. "Cool and why would I care?"

"You might be a good actor but even you can't hide the fact you do love Law" she twirled her fork around before stabbing into the strawberry shortcake she ordered “It’s sickening really watching you pine after him.”

"Again and? I never said I didn't and you're one to talk, you have a crush on like Sanji of all people. So why does it matter?” That seemed to catch her off guard as she choked on her tea. She was too flustered trying to defend herself that she didn’t notice the pure reaction of shock on your part. You weren’t really trying to take a dig at Sanji, Sanji’s a great guy but he gets really weird around women at times. Regardless you were mostly joking, making fun of the two for hanging out all the time since meeting. “You’ve gotta be kidding me” you stare at her waiting.

She coughed trying to regain her repose “A-absolutely not! I-I’m just using him! Like you he’s just another pawn.” she paused to wipe her mouth with a napkin as dignified as she could. "Besides that's not what we're here to discuss." She handed you a thick three ring binder that has definitely seen better days. It was a faded pink suggesting its age, covered in stickers, flowers, hearts, and in big bold cursive lettering it read "Pudding's dream wedding planner."

She cleared her throat, diverting your attention from the book. Pudding almost seemed embarrassed blushing lightly as she tried to delegate you new tasks "Memorize everything in there and make sure things run smoothly. We have a dress fitting tomorrow and I've already picked out a day for the bachelorette party next week." You flipped through the pages of the moodboard style scrapbook. She must have been planning this since she was a kid. It had pictures of her big family with some of them crossed off presumably of who she didn't want to be in attendance. Favorite flower arrangements, songs, colors, cake designs you name it they were in there. The only thing that was oddly empty was the page titled bachelorette party. She must have seen you question the blank page because her posture shrunk ever so slightly inwards.

"It's traditional for the maid of honor to plan the events for the actual party itself. I invited Law's sisters and I was hoping you could invite Robin and Nami. It's okay if they say no. I understand I just don't want to invite any of my siblings."

You were surprised Pudding almost felt human in that moment right before she laid down a whole laundry list of things she absolutely detested and would rather die than part take in. You rolled your eyes "That doesn't leave a lot of options left. At this point I should just rent the Baratie and a karaoke machine and call it a night." Astonishingly she didn't hate the idea. Sanji must have told her about the place because she didn’t ask a lot of questions regarding the establishment. Conveniently all you had to do was send a quick text to Sanji and everything was arranged. Pudding checked the message before you sent it to make sure you didn’t pull any funny business. Little does she know you sent a second message while you pretended to put your phone away. You’ve heard that it’s common to book a stripper for this kind of event, instead you asked Sanji about the possibility of being a sexy bunny girl. As expected his response was something akin to “I can do a sexy bunny butler take it or leave it.” You only wish you could have seen his reaction to the message in person. You’re not sure why you’ve decided to put effort into your role. You could have easily put her through the ringer but it seemed to be more entertaining this way.

It turns out that when Pudding isn’t deciding to be a bitch she can actually be a decent human being. You ended up talking more about nonsensical things after everything was said and done. Had you met under different circumstances you might have actually been friends. Which brought up a good point skimming through the planner it didn’t seem like she had any. She definitely didn’t talk about any either but that’s not your problem. Personally your upbringing was also pretty shit but you didn’t take it out on others but c'est la vie. At least you got something out of the meeting. Although you were not sure what to make of the big picture just yet.

—

The next morning you were relieved to see Shachi, Bepo and Penguin getting ready to leave for Dressrosa. Interestingly enough their suit fittings overlapped with your dress fitting. Which meant that Law and Pudding were scheduled to have fittings at the same time. It was odd because you thought it was bad luck to see the bride in the gown before the wedding but it seems the place you were going to specialized in doing both fittings at the same time to make sure everyone matched. Apparently the owner of the place was a good friend of Giolla. Luckily they were already going otherwise you would have had to find your own way there and that would have been boring. This means you get to catch some extra sleep on the way. You could also mentally prepare for whatever bullshit awaited you.

That little voice in the back of your head still wanted to punch Law in his stupid brooding face. While you were known to act on impulse occasionally you were more concerned with not letting your emotions get the better of you. Law’s sisters were the other bride's maids and you were aware this was a set up. Pudding already revealed that she wanted to ruin your life as well as Law's so at this point you can't let her win. You wonder how Law’s going to react as you close your eyes and drift back to sleep.

—

On the other hand Law stirred from his slumber when he noticed an unfamiliar presence in his room. He woke up with a start as the entity whipped the curtains open blinding him as he tried to see who would disturb him. No one has bothered him since Corazon’s admission to the hospital. Everyone knew he didn’t want to be bothered and he's made it abundantly clear. Doflamingo was the only one who has recently pestered him but he usually only does so during the evenings. He frowned when he saw Pudding by the window. Law really wanted to roll over and act like nothing happened. Although he should be concerned that his family would just let Pudding into his room without his permission. At this point nothing really surprises him and he doesn’t know how he feels about that. He grumbled musing his hair before putting his hat on “Why are you here?”

Pudding jumped slightly not realizing the surgeon woke up “Am I not allowed to be here?” she smirked playfully as she rocked back on her heels “I would have thought my fiance would be happy to see me.” They both glared at each other for a moment.

“Let me make one thing clear. We might be getting married but that doesn’t make me your friend nor do I want to be. You are a nuisance and I have no obligation to entertain such an idea.” Law pulled himself out of bed to get ready for the day “I may keep up public appearances but outside of that I sincerely don’t give a shit what you do.”

She wanted to point out that he clearly had not been doing a good job but instead went for a better insult. “Wow, Do you kiss (Y/N) with that mouth?~ Here I thought you were supposed to be a gentleman.” She smiled wide and it reminded him of Doflamingo.

He frowned “Cut the crap, your childish facade doesn’t fool me, just tell me why you're here so I can move on with my life.” He started getting out of bed making it, almost hoping she would just leave him alone.

“Ugh, I really don’t know what she sees in you but whatever. Our fittings are today or did you forget.” Pudding leaned against the wall still looking out the window.

"I didn't forget, as I said before I don't care.” He pulled out some clothes from his dresser. “We don't have to arrive together, it's not like we scheduled a publicity stunt." He already told Bepo, Shachi and Penguin to meet him there as long as he made it there at some point no one could say anything about it. He's been putting in the bare minimum and hasn't been scolded yet. Not that it would change his demeanor. He's just fortunate that Doffy hasn't made any more threats for him to change his current behavior. Still he can't afford to let his guard down.

Law dressed into casual clothes. He was going to be trying on suits for a good portion of the day so he might as well be comfortable while he still could. He didn't indulge in any more of Pudding's banter as he left her to follow him out. His sisters were waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs playfully teasing him making snide remarks about one thing or another. Law could already tell he was going to hate the experience all together.

As they arrived at the location, Law's phone rang giving him a reason to stay outside. He wanted to prolong this as much as possible. It wasn’t an important call but he pretended it was making the scammer on the other end of the line confused. He hung up once his sisters and Pudding entered the building. He decided to go for a walk. The girls were most likely going to take longer than he was anyway, what's the point of waiting around for them to finish. He also wanted to prove a point by showing up late. Law doesn't like being told what to do.

—

Bepo, Shachi and Penguin were lounging around waiting for Law while you sorted through Pudding's wedding binder. You might as well make yourself useful while you wait for everyone to show up. You had shown the seamstress the styles that Pudding selected and were helping pull some possible dresses that fit the look Pudding wanted.

When you turned back around you were jumped by Baby 5 "(Y/N)!!! I've missed you!" She hugged you tight as she nuzzled into you. Sugar, Monet and Pudding were close behind waiting for their turn to give you a hug. As Monet went in for her hug she whispered into your ear "Law might be off the market but I'm free if you're interested." She winked at you as she pulled away. You blushed unsure if she was joking or trying to pull a fast one on you. She had a devilish grin as she walked by which didn’t help you figure it out in the slightest. Sugar was too busy eating grapes but she still smiled and waved at you while Pudding was looking at the dresses you picked for her.

"These are gorgeous. I don't know which one to try on first!"

A little part of you took pride in her comment which made you realize, where was Law? You looked over at Shachi and Penguin as an assistant talked with Bepo they both shrugged at you. It wasn’t your problem so you sighed and turned your focus back to your fitting. Pudding wanted the bride's maids to be in a light lavender dress that was short in the front but longer in the back. The style of the bust she didn't care that much as long as you all agreed on one uniform style she was fine letting you guys make the decision. You're not sure how long you all had been trying on dresses for but you were on your sixth or seventh dress when Baby 5, Monet and Sugar finally agreed on one everyone liked. Pudding was still deciding between two and the main stylist said this is where seeing it next to everyone will help. They had a specific divider where Pudding could stand and not be seen by anyone else while they took a mock photo of what it could look like on the day. Everyone was about to get into place when the rest of the group realized Law still wasn't around.

Pudding grumbled clutching her phone. Allegedly he was on the phone when they walked in but it had been at least an hour since arriving. Thirty more minutes passed before the girls started fuming. You're not going to lie, it was pretty irritating that he was seemingly wasting everyone's time because he didn't want to be there. You didn't want to be here either but you sure as shit weren't going to be the reason it dragged on longer than it has to. The boys started calling him and panicked from being scolded by Law’s sisters. Pudding looked like she was going to wring someone's neck and since she couldn't walk outside the divider to strangle one of the boys you feared it might end up being you. Luckily that's when Law showed up. He froze when he walked in staring at you for a moment longer than you would have liked before his sisters started a yelling match. You wanted to lecture him too but you huffed and turned away not wanting to give him the satisfaction. Especially when he refused to acknowledge you at the hospital. Instead you glared at him from a far while helping Pudding calm down from wanting to kill someone.

After Pudding reviewed the pictures the choice was clear. She chose her dress and everything was set. Everyone started to change out when you were grabbed by the arm. The girls were already in the dressing room and so were Bepo, Shachi and Penguin.

"What are you doing here?"

His tone confused you but you couldn’t control your frustration anymore "Oh so now you're talking to me!" Like always his expression was unreadable as ever. You scoffed "Don’t flatter yourself I'm not here because of you, Pudding asked me before the announcement was made!" You made sure to control your volume. You didn't want the others to hear your altercation but you were still aggravated about ready to foam at the mouth. Law let your arm go turning away from you. "That’s no excuse you shouldn't have accepted the offer."

You grit your teeth "And you shouldn't have wasted people's time!" You snapped storming off before you genuinely start something you know you couldn't finish. Penguin saw you walk off giving you a worried look as Law finally went to change.

You put on a fake smile and ignored the looks you got from the others as they passed you. They were giving you their farewells until the bachelorette party. You could really go for a drink right about now. You weren’t the kind of person to drink away your sorrows but at this point you didn't know how to feel. Things would be easier if you moved on but everyone was trying so hard for your sake. Going out of their way to help you get Law back, but is that even what you want anymore. As you walked back out it was just Bepo, Shachi and Penguin left standing there. They were tense, presumably they heard or were assuming what happened between you and Law when everyone was changing.

You sighed "When we get back to our side you guys want to hit up a club or something? I could really use a drink." No one questioned you, only nodding in response. You guys hit the dorms before going back out to see if anyone else wanted to come and not surprising anyone in the slightest Luffy managed to overtake the night by throwing a banquet at the dorms. Sabo said he'd look the other way, which he does often about alcohol in the dorms. Since Luffy does not like the taste of alcohol Sanji has been accustomed to making cocktails for those who still wanted the option.

This is how you ended up drunk sandwiched between Luffy and Ace fumbling around in their stupid impromptu kickline. Everyone was having a good time and it was the kind of thing everyone needed as midterms were approaching. Ace fell back on the couch taking you and Luffy down with him causing you to yelp and Luffy to laugh. You tried to get up but Luffy refused to let you leave the group hug as your struggles brought you all to the floor. Before you knew it he coaxed everyone to join the group hug somehow. You hadn’t even realized you started crying but unlike the last few times these tears weren’t so sorrowful. You felt at home here and you wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. That’s when you heard Luffy whisper “We’ll bring Torao back, whatever it takes.” Looking around seeing everyone’s smiles made you believe it was actually possible. You couldn’t help curling your lips up too “Whatever it takes.”

—

“I see, my apologies I will see to it personally.” Doflamingo put the phone down, his usual grin wiped from his face. It seems he wasn’t clear with Law the consequences of his actions. Doffy opened the file with (Y/N)’s picture paperclipped to it. He would be making some calls later and he wondered how the girl would handle it. It excited him. It's been a while since he’s had a play thing he didn’t select for himself. He chuckled darkly at the thought. Law had good taste, at least he managed to do something right.

___

Chapter Navigation: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [You are here] [10] [11] [12]

[carefulfears]

I saw you tagged that photo of Mulder, Krycek and Scully as “I’m so fascinated by them”; can you talk about that? I don’t know if I’ve given too much thought to their dynamic before and I’m curious as to why you like them as a trio

anon, i want to walk you through a scenario. you’re a 29 year old medical doctor teaching classes at quantico after having been separated from your first assignment at the fbi. you miss your partner. you’re giving morbid lectures and nearly crying when a student says you sound “spooky” and arranging covert meetings at the watergate hotel.

one day, your ex-partner reaches out to ask for your help on a case! you’ve been waiting for this for months! you practically begged to autopsy a body covered in sewage waste and mutant worms for this!

he comes to see you about the case, and your face falls as you realize that he’s brought with him a new partner. “this is alex krycek, we’re working the case together,” he says. standing next to this barbie doll looking motherfucker (whose hand you pointedly refuse to shake).

your wary “trust no one” friend, who accused you of being a spy when it was your first day on his assignment, has seemingly taken to this new ally. they’re carpooling and saving each other’s lives in train stations and venturing into hostage situations without telling you. (“sounds like your new partner is working out…must be nice not having someone question your every move,” you tell him cheekily over the phone).

in a split second, a broken window, a mountaintop- your life changes forever. three months of missing time, and you come back to find a reopened office and an FBI agent without a partner; that hand you refused to shake participated in your violation, then disappeared without a trace.

it isn’t long before he’s back: one, two, three gunshots fired. a father. an apartment wall. a sister.

(though i don’t know if scully ever found out that krycek was there when her sister was killed)

in a moment of quick thinking and sweaty desperation, you break up a fight and trade a bullet in the deceiver for a bullet in your partner’s shoulder; less than a year after introduction in your autopsy bay, you save both lives.

over the years, he’s the shadow you can’t quite shake. when your partner makes his way to hong kong or russia, it’s not you that goes trailing after.

you do follow his tracks into a dark apartment, ask him, what are you thinking about? listen to him tell you about destiny. fate. the “inextricable relationships” of our lives.

when he changes his tune, suddenly willing to follow leads he had admonished you for suggesting, you could swear you heard russian translation.

(i know scully doesn’t know that krycek kissed him)

office fires, nanobots, and air force base abductions later, you strategize over chinese takeout and pizza. you stand at the head of the table, your partner two people removed, the russian to his immediate left.

perhaps it would be too much to ask, after the funeral, to grieve free of threat. nonetheless, there’s leather around hospital corners, broken vials in the garage, a seat taken at the bureau when you still don’t have one to share.

three more gunshots, the spy dies and you give birth on the same day. it’s colder without a shadow, though you can’t say you miss it.

you stand in a court of law and can’t help but notice, your partner looking over his shoulder.

[tilseptemberends]

Modern Elucien Fic concept/draft

I had an idea for a modern Elucien fic but I'm tied up in my current fic so this is all I've been able to get down so far. It combines elements from Acotar, Tog, and CC <3

-----

Elain had carefully selected her basket of flowers on her way to the port. She considered going back home to beg Feyre to come with her. Of all three Archeron girls, Feyre looked the most like their High Fae mother. Nesta followed after her but Elain… well it was very obvious to the people of Prythian that Elain Archeron was only demi-fae. Her face, though pretty, did not glow with the same kind of devastating beauty as her sisters. And her ears… while Nesta and Feyre both possessed the delicately pointed ears of the High Fae. Elain took more after their father. Her brown eyes and rounder features. Her ears only pointed enough to clue people in that she was not quite human. Not elegant like her mother's and sisters. But not soft and round like her father's either. Traveling with Feyre or Nesta made her feel safer. It was safer. Nesta and Feyre passed for High Fae easily, and they had crafted their demeanors to ward off anyone who would try to mess with them. But Elain had to keep pepper spray and a small taser in her bag. Because a young and quiet demi fae female… there were few things you could be that would put you in more danger than that in Prythian. No matter how many posters proclaimed the equality of humans and fae. At least it was better than on the continent… She kept one hand in the pocket of her cornflower blue peacoat, gripped around her phone as she took hurried steps to the port. 

It was a fae tradition that had her arranging the flowers in the basket. The chilled stone of the port edge bit into her knees as she nestled a few of her father's wood carvings in the center with one of her mother's necklaces. It had been unthinkable to most that their human father outlived their fae mother. And Elain wasn't sure how to deal with the fact that she had now lost them both. Elain hummed quietly as a few tears slipped down her face. A soft song. One that she had sung for her father many times. She wondered if it would feel like her heart was breaking again every time she heard that song on the radio now. 

She nearly jumped out of her skin when someone held down a pocket-sized pack of tissues. When she looked up she found two fae males standing there. One with blonde hair that he wore loose, clear green eyes and a heavy jacket layered over his beige t-shirt and sage green and grey flannel. He was the one holding the tissues down toward her. The other male also had long hair but his was a bright coppery red and he’d pulled it up and spiked a silver pick through it. His skin was an even golden tan and his eyes… he had one russet-colored eye but the other was a prosthetic. A golden mechanical replacement for what had been lost to that vicious scar that extended from his brow to the corner of his mouth. The copper-haired male was also dressed for the beginning of winter. A maroon coat over a lighter-colored turtleneck sweater and a knitted scarf. She looked between them anxiously, adjusting the position of her feet to spring away if she had to. The blond male held the tissue out to her again, 

“We didn’t mean to scare you,” he said and smiled at her when she dared to accept the offered tissues. She sniffled and opened the packet carefully. The blonde one knelt on the ground next to her. He set a basket similar to her own on the ground in front of himself. Inside his wreath of flowers lay a delicate handkerchief and a photo. A photo of what had to be the male when he was still young, and a beautiful female. Judging by their expressions in the photo Elain guessed that she must have been a close relative. “My mother.” was all he said to explain when he caught her looking. Elain swallowed and looked back down at her own basket. “I’m… I’m sorry for your loss.” 

The other male stood on the blond’s other side, gripping his own small basket in his hands, so tightly his golden tan skin had gone white at the knuckles. The blond’s brow furrowed in concern. Friends… these two were… friends. They had come together to support each other through the emotions that came with this offering to the Mother. The second male swallowed a breath as he knelt down. He reached into his sweater and pulled a thin silver chain over his head. She watched as he unclasped it and slipped the lovely rose gold rings off the chain. Engagement bands. Her heart sank as he set them both into his basket amidst the crimson flowers and autumn bright foliage. His hands shook as he set the basket in the water. His friend did the same with his own and then offered his hand to the copper-haired male. He did not object and gripped his friend's hand tightly. It was good that these two had each other to lean on, she thought and gently set her basket into the icy water. The tide would carry the offerings away, to a realm no living thing could visit. It stood as a testament to the love of the living for the dead. Elain rested her hands on her knees as she watched the baskets drift away. 

“I did… did not know about the proper rituals when my mother passed. Today I honor both of my parents,” she spoke quietly, and when she glanced over at the males she found the blond one was smiling at her. A warm sympathetic expression that had her pulling out another tissue. She extended the remainder of the pack to the copper-haired male who accepted it with a shallow nod. 

“My fiance.” he managed before wiping at his nose with one of the tissues. The blond squeezed his friend’s hand lightly.

[weebsinstash]

Honestly valentino is such a dramatic bitch that if you did ever leave, saying fuck it you’ll figure it out as you go, he’d lose his shit. Torn between worried and pissed and it would be so delicious for those who love runaway readers

Protags/FLs/Readers what have you that run away are my bread and butter and i need to do more running away fics. Funny enough I have a few ideas in my drafts but homie there's so much to dig through at this point 💀

Imagine setting a really polite two weeks notice on his desk (that you don't really owe him) about how you're moving and getting another job, and you're extremely nervous because he doesn't say anything after you leave it in his office, and he waits until your literal very last shift when you already have some sort of other arrangement set up or trying to when he finally says "so what the fuck is this about you trying to quit?"

I imagine so many different ways he's shitty to you. Ripping up your letter right in front of you, catching it alight with a lit cigarette before dropping it into a trashcan, merely crumpling it up and throwing it on the floor to show you your feelings and your wants are absolutely nothing to him, he really finds it so funny you were just going to try and leave? As far as he's concerned you have absolutely no reason to leave and it would have only negative consequences if you did. And considering he was already a grown ass man and has been dead for a few decades, I can imagine him acting like you're just some dumb little girl, just some cute little bimbo with all her big stupid ideas that doesn't know how to do shit compared to him.

Not to mention the grief you'd catch if you ran away and had to be rescued, say a rival of Val's has had his boys watching all his lil errand runners and knows you fetch his shit sometimes and they scoop you up to ransom you back, not knowing you've ran away and to your knowledge your former Overlord boss has forgotten about you. Meanwhile Valentino goes to do a drug deal or whatever mafia dealings he does and, oh what a surprise, there you are, tied up and gagged with your big watery eyes looking up at him in fear while also silently begging him for help while he's developing a rager and realizing you look pretty cute when you're bound and helpless. I've even thought of like, he saves you from being kidnapped or like has you resuscitated from overdosing or trying to kill yourself and he slaps you with the bill just so you owe him a debt he can slap interest on and keep you indebted to him for literally forever. And if you don't show up when he summons you, it's just a couple of texts to his Goon Group Chat and an order of "bring this bratty lil shit back asap" before you're being dragged back by his henches

Outwardly he'd try and act tough but we all know Val doesn't take his little "breakups" well. At first he says you're just a loser and he doesn't need you, doing his typical self-soothing denial routine of going to the salon, buying himself new things, posting to social media about how everyone is useless and he doesn't need them, like what he does when he breaks up wirh Vox before getting back together.

Homeboys up on here like "mothpimp posted at 2am: bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks"

hellraiser42069, sending a photo of a familiar certain someone from a distance: I was just at the corner of 6th and mulberry, ain't this your bitch big v

mothpimp, already dispatching some of his lackeys to retrieve you within .00001 seconds: pfff that's stupid im a pimp not a simp 🙄 I don't chase no one 😤"

You finally see him again and he's clearly been pampering himself which is a dead giveaway for how you've gotten under his skin and he's all "look who came crawling back" when he knows full damn well he had to kidnap you to even have a conversation and fully refuses to acknowledge he's being legitimately creepy because you aren't even making him money like Angel or his other workers,you're just like. An unrequited crush almost. A little pet/companion/future fleshlight.

It's common with pimps and sex trafficking to force the workers to get tattoos or certain identifying marks of ownership to designated who they belong to but I imagine depending on the kind of story you've craving that Val's version of this, for the Reader, is basically having you constantly wearing things he's given you if not outright deciding what you wear and look like 24/7. That big hunky hellhound at the bar thinks you look cute? His pickup line dies in his throat when you spin around and you're wearing a choker with a big red bejeweled heart and he instantly knows that if he so much as says hi to you that there's a particularly aggravated moth sitting right across the room ready to shoot him dead out of sheer possessiveness

[tiincredibelle]

UNSPOKEN TRUTH

My ex-boyfriend of nearly 9 years dumped me on the night of November 11, 2023. We lived together under one roof for three years during the Pandemic until he had to return to Australia. He gave me an evasive explanation, saying he was tired of our long-distance arrangement and that we were both in pain because he had no idea when he would return to the Philippines. He said he had no idea how to take care of me or what to do. He told me it didn't seem right anymore. All he can feel is pain instead of happiness. He asked if we could take a break and heal. All I could get out of him when I asked why and whether I had done anything wrong was "Sorry." I even asked him if he had met anyone else, to which he replied, "Wala." He began removing our Messenger nicknames, deleting all of our Instagram photos, and removing his Facebook cover photo and profile picture. I could not understand why he had removed all of our social media pictures, even though he had advised me to take some time to reflect. I was confused because I knew we were on good terms that day; he even sent me photos from a Filipino party he attended with his sister.

After several days of him not returning my calls, I discovered that he was talking to someone else he met online and had a bouquet delivered to a girl in San Juan, Manila.

I was hurt, and I felt betrayed.

He surprised someone else with a bouquet on November 7, 2023, and he broke up with me on November 11, 2023. That made me think, which is why he quickly deleted all of our photos from social media. Perhaps he met someone and can now claim to be single.

For nearly three weeks, I begged him to return my calls and messages and to work on our relationship even though I'm in Pain.

Funny enough, even after he cheated on me twice, I still want to work on our relationship. In 2019, while I was working in Manila, I discovered that he was having an affair with someone here in Aklan.

Tangina no, tanga kong tinanggap ko pa sya..

Mahal ko eh, mas lalong mahal sya ng pamilya ko.

Nag beg sya na ayusin namin, at mag babago na sya, di na nya uulitin, But guess what? Eto nanaman.

It hurts, and the fact that all of my intuition was correct hurts even more.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Ito talaga ang reality. Kasi kapag nagawa na niyang minsan, mas malaki talaga possibility na ulitin niya.

Nov 21, 2023, Our friend asked me to have coffee with her. She then told me that last October 10, 2023 that this guy told her that he is not feeling any spark with our relationship kasi matagal na kami, He even asked for advice kung gagawin nya. Pero sabi nya di naman sya makipag hiwalay, gusto nya lang hanapin sarili nya. Sabi ng friend namin, why not open up saakin para mapag usapan and magawan ng solution, try something na hindi pa nagawa namin. Andaming ways to reignite the spark. but he confessed na he tried omegle and met a stranger, which made him excited na di pa nya kilala yung tao and nag usap sila sa imsg. Parang naexcite sya sa getting to know each other stage.. but instead of fixing our relationship, nakita nyang solution is to find someone new. Mas Bata, Rich Gamer Girl. Tired na daw sya sa LDR set up, pero ang funny, LDR din pinalit. nagloloko tlga sya pag nagLDR kami even before.. Tanggap ko pa sana kung sa ibang bansa din ang pinalit eh.

He officially ended our relationship on November 23, 2023, He told me that I deserve a better person who wouldn't hurt me. He never came clean about the new girl, never expressed regret for his actions, and never acknowledged cheating on me.

As the days went by, I began to accept the situation and move on. I always go to church right after work, cry all I want, and give the Lord all of my cares and sorrows. He is still in my prayers. I'm praying for his health and that the university he applied will accept him.

He tagged the girl in a Facebook post he shared one evening, but it was customized to be hidden from my entire family, his family in Linabuan, his family in Ibajay, and close friends. I received the screenshot of the post from someone on his friends list who forwarded it to our mutual friend. I received the same screenshot from one of his family members in Linabuan as well. He removed his family, my family, and our mutual friends from his Instagram followers to prevent us from seeing his stories, but someone screen recorded the guy's instagram story that they are on video call and playing an online beer pong game.

After receiving confirmation that all of my suspicions and information about the girl were accurate, all that pain returned. All the memories and fantasies returned, and it caused me to doubt my own value once more.

I told him I had to block him on Facebook, but I never confronted him about the confirmed suspicion. It's funny how this guy twisted everything and placed the blame on me.

He said that I never asked him how his day was going or if he was okay. He also brought up the past, which was resolved years ago.. and that I always wanted it my way. I only want the best for him, but he doesn't seem to understand that. I acknowledged that I was at fault for constantly venting my frustration and negativity about my job, which caused him to burn out. He even said that since I'm the one who always talks, he didn't always have the right moment to open up. He never admitted that he was to blame for anything, not even for not sharing his emotions with me. Open communication is essential in a mature relationship. Cheating is never a good excuse for anything. In actuality, he is searching for a way out after being discovered to be unfaithful. He refuses to acknowledge that he is guilty and that he made a mistake. The Audacity.

This year has been extremely painful because I've been through betrayal, abandonment, disappointment, psychological abuse, emotional torment, and all the brutal things that a man could possibly do to hurt someone's feelings. I have died a hundred times, cried more than I could, and endured all those hurtful feelings all at once. But despite everything that happened, I'm still here fighting every battle that I have while doing everything I can to keep my sanity.

Was it hard to let go of someone you love so much?

Yes, It was. What we had was true and pure at some point in time. It was a beautiful & funny kind of relationship.. Until it wasn't. I tried to fix whatever could save what we have, but couldn't do it alone. Until I realized that, maybe it's time to stop trying to fix what's not meant to be fixed.. Letting go while still inlove with him was hard, but staying would've been harder. I didn't let go because I wanted to, I let go because I had to..

To the girl, He really loves suprises right? weekly bouquets? Here's the explanation in case you were unaware of it. There's nothing I can say if you knew he was dating someone else before you. All I ask is that you embrace and cherish him even more than I did. All the best to you two.

[super-ion]

Andi closes the door. As soon as it latches she sags, all the tension in her body converting into wary exhaustion. She probably doesn't even know why she's so shaken.

I let out my own little sigh of relief. The whole time she spoke to him, I silently begged her not to invite him in.

Count his teeth. Look at his shadow. Don't look in his eyes. DO NOT LET HIM IN.

And she didn't. She somehow knew something was off about him and she performed admirably.

I'm safe for now but...

I should run. I knew this was never a permanent arrangement. Three years, eight months and six days was a pretty good run, all things considered. But eventually he was going to find me.

Instinct screams in my head, a holdover from my time before Andi.

Run. Run run run run.

I'm not safe here any more. She isn't safe.

I really ought to run. She's better off without me. Just a clean break, it'll be rough for both of us, but it's necessary.

She slumps to the ground, leaning her head back to rest against the door. She lets out a heavy sigh and I'm moving before I even really think about it. Half a moment later, I'm butting my head up against her arm and purring furiously. Just as much instinct has her hand running through the fur on my neck.

It's a ritual, forged between us over a pandemic, self revelations, coming out, transition, three breakups (one of them particularly nasty), two moves, and more silly little hats and cat photos than I can even remember.

This was just supposed to be a temporary arrangement, a place to lie low for a bit before I could slip back into the world... But then I broke my only rule, I got comfortable.

I flop onto my side and press into her lap.

"Well," she says with a soft, breathy, almost manic laugh, "are you really a shapeshifter or was that guy full of shit?"

Oh...

Run.

I should run.

I don't.

Because I'm an idiot.

I have no idea what comes over me, but I roll off of her and trot down the hallway a few yards.

If I leave, it would break her heart. I owe her the truth at least.

I do the last thing I should do and change.

Now... I've been a cat for over four years. I don't exactly remember how to be a people. I get a few of the details wrong, I know humans don't have cat ears or tails, but I'm way out of practice, so cut me a little slack, okay?

(at least I managed to make a sort of shapeless black robe, clothes are pretty hard under normal circumstances, I'm glad I could remember even just a tiny bit)

She stares at me, wide eyed.

I open my mouth, but all that comes out is a horrible rasping growl. I haven't spoken anything but cat vocalizations in years, it takes a minute to remember how these things work.

The noise has about the response you'd expect. Andi snatches the baseball bat out of the umbrella rack by the door and brandishes it at me.

I raise my hands and try again.

"Andromeda! Wait!" I cough out. "I can explain."

"Y-you can explain??" she gasps. "What the fuck are you?"

"A shapeshifter," I admit. "He wasn't full of shit."

"What the fuck??"

"Andi, please," I plead, careful to stay out of swinging range.

"No! You lied to me! Three and a half fucking years and you've been pretending to be my cat this whole time."

"I never lied to you," I argue. "I just... left some details out... because I was pretending to be a cat. Please, just... I can explain everything, just put the bat down."

She wavers for a moment. Maybe it's the ears, maybe I forgot to do the eyes, but I think there's a brief moment where she sees the cat that I've been. She knows me. I've never spoken a single word to her until this conversation, but I've listened to so much.

The bat lowers.

"Who are you?" she demands.

"It's kind of complicated," I reply. "I told you I was a-"

"No, your name," she insists. "What is your name?"

I blink. It's not exactly the first thing I thought she would ask, but I guess it's fair.

"I... Zelda. My name is Zelda."

She stares at me while my words catch up with me. I've just told her that my name matches the little medallion on the collar that's still around my neck. Names are tricky, I've had a lot and that one feels the most natural... And maybe just a tiny bit because that's the name she gave me.

"No, your real name," she presses.

"I can't remember it," I admit. "But I like Zelda."

You’re a Shapeshifter who was wounded by a monster hunter, in a last ditch effort for survival you shifted into a normal household pet and were whisked away by a plain human unaware of the supernatural where you’ve lived for the past three years. You thought you were safe, but they’re back…

[bisognamorire]

Beloved A.,

Happy Friday!

Up here you see a few photos I took this week. I had wanted to arrange them separately but I can’t find the strength to organise this post much (sorry, its all over the place). The felted bunnies made me think of you and I wanted to get one for you but I am not supposed to. The candles are in the religious mourning room. It is located adjoined to the front hall where my reception is, so during nightshifts I go to lay down in there and try to rest a bit (theres a bench). I often get mentally unwell around 2-3 AM during my nightshifts. Everything just gangs up to torture me. The melon bread was disgusting. The highlight of my week was to go to the lake after my first nightshift and feed the ducks and swans some sunflowerseeds.

This week I tried different methods to stop myself from dissociating. And it worked most of the time. Once the numbness of dissociation fell away, though, I dissolved into tears; when I took a walk around the lake, when I sat in public transport, when I was at work, when I woke up in the morning, when I sat in the living room. I’m always in tears.

Always, Dad and you. Dad and you.

I think feeling how much it hurts me to have lost the both of you is still better than to dissociate and feel nothing.

Theres a scene in One Piece after the Wa no Kuni Arc where Momonosuke runs to the shore to bid the Strawhats Farewell as they leave the island. He sobs and begs them to stay and not leave him like a toddler. I felt like him in that scene this past week.

On Saturday, when I felt like I would get ill, I went to the city to eat chicken soup in an asian diner that I used to go to when I started uni in 2017. It usually helped me to get strong again. Unfortunately they’ve been closed for some reason for many months now. I then went to have soup at an other asian diner, it was only 2€ and the people probably thought I was homeless (I looked rather dishevelled and done with life) because they gave me a relatively large bowl and lots of vegetables.

It does wonders for your soul to eat a hearty soup when you’re feeling poorly.

On Sunday I visited Marina, Sharon’s friend (well, our childhood friend). She broke up with her boyfriend of seven years recently. We talked about a lot of topics like identity, mothers, parental emotional neglect and abandonment. She told me that she just hangs with random people because shes so lonely (she lives in another state and we can’t easily visit her) and she takes whatever company she can get so that she is distracted and that she doesn’t really like the girls she goes out to party with. That she thinks theyre rather shallow contacts. Its hard when someone doesn’t have a social network that breaks their fall and the person has to carry all of it themselves. We ended up just talking and we watched an episode of ‘Bodies’ on Netflix. Its a murder mystery show.

I started crying when I got back home from that visit. I felt so overwhelmed and exhausted and sad about everything around me and in my own life.

Other than that I’ve not done much this week other than work (when I work nightshifts and get home from work at 7 AM in the morning there’s really not much of me left to use for anything during the day) and sleep and rot in bed due to feeling terrible. Unfortunately my shift schedule continues to be awful the next days and I’m thinking about calling in sick soon. I desperately need to rest.

Someone put a nail in my bike tire (the one you rode) and I brought it upstairs from the bike cellar to my balcony to repair it. I curse the person who deliberately put a nail in it.

During my walk through the city I also went to a pakistani store and saw this! I remember you cracking up about it in F.

How was that in 2022? I seem to have no general sense of time passing the entirety of 2023. After dad died in June, I have no recollection of time passing.

This morning I saw mum for the first time in about a month? I felt unsettled by my therapist talking to me in detail about my cycle of dissociation and what harm it brings to myself and the relationships to other people around me, because I apparently perceive reality fragmented, or selective, when I am dissociated (which I am most of the time). I‘m horrified to see the mechanisms of my brain play out in these ways, that I don‘t want.

My mother asked me how I was but she hadnt in weeks (she simply started an argument and left me when I was so unwell because of things between us a few weeks ago). I couldn‘t tell her. What use has it? She can‘t handle me feeling unwell and things will only get worse, if I tell her.

Unfortunately, not telling her how I am was also a wrong decision. She started accusing me of not actually wanting to see her and why am I pulling auch a depressed face and won‘t talk to her?!

Then she defended my older brother and his ex-girlfriend (the mother of my niece) and basically said that its my niece‘s own fault that her mother treats her badly. I can‘t believe how this cycle of parental neglect and abuse continues into the next generations, just because the adults in the child‘s life are irresponsible and egoistic. And I‘m sitting there with over 10 years of therapy, because of how my mum and dad were and my mother still defends other neglectful and abusive parents’ behaviour!

I couldn‘t bear it anymore and just got up without a word, paid (was cussed out by a grandma in the process) and left.

I don’t have much things to look forward to. I ordered a weighted blanket to help my sleep without medication. I also got a package of Palo Santo incense, which makes my flat smell cosy when I take naps.

I have to go back to work tomorrow and work through until next Wednesday and I’m thinking about calling in sick on Monday.

I felt miserable looking at your blog yesterday and seeing that you wish to experience ‚it‘ again, that you post about ‚letting love in again‘ I am not sure what you meant by that but my mind makes me think you‘re wishing to fall in love again…

How many times can I feel like I am losing the same person over and over again? I’m scared to look at your blogs now. I wish I could see something and know that you miss me and that you love me forever and be content and never look it up again.

Yesterday I went to the cellar and rummaged in your box. I found a transcript of the first ‚goodbye‘ Message you sent me in January 2023. I knew it was there. In it, you don‘t avoid telling me that you love me (I felt like your message from this January avoided using the word ‚love’ and it made me anxious about the reasons). I heard your voice say the words to me then and I started crying and breaking down in the cellar, my knees just gave in.

All that rumination about me being abandoned is probably not helping my mental wellbeing. Spending hours and days composing these entries and not knowing if they ever reach you, is also playing into this.

I don‘t know what to do, I am so so sad about it all, I just feel like giving up everything and letting go of life.

My sole hope is that I feel a bit better when it gets warmer, so that I can lay in the meadow with the sun on my skin, with the treetops swaying in the wind.

I don’t have much hope other than that.

Your Sabo who loves you.