#before this I thought that it was bc of the stress of isa being there (and I think 2 was bc blonde girl reminded me of 1 -those happened

[lawbloodfreak]

random blonde woman talking in public setting me off into a weird event where I get freaked out and kind of feel like she’s talking at me ish type thing #3 (

[ven10]

May I request some Quigley hcs pls....... pls sir can i have some more.............. maybe some post-canon perhaps..............

YES!!!!! Quigley my beloved :D!!!!!!!!

(Btw the 1st 4 hcs are quite sad however after that they’re more lighthearted)

1: During his time alone during canon, Quigley developed a habit of talking to himself pretending as if Isadora or Duncan had spoken. [Mainly doing it when he was stressed+wanted to feel less alone, as if he had someone with him who he could rely on.] However even after he’s reunited with his siblings this habit persists, although he tries not to do it.

The first time Duncan, standing in the doorway behind Quigley (who is bent over a map on the floor;trying desperately to track down the Baudelaires) catches Quigley talking to himself he’s confused so hesitates in the doorway for a few moments, sensing that Quigley hasn’t realised he’s there and wondering why Quigley is addressing him as if he had spoken, muttering something along the lines of “no no Dunc, I don’t think that would work…but if we tried what Isa suggested then maybe-”

Duncan stands still for a moment to process before walking over to Quigley’s hunched form, bending down and just hugging him.

2: When he’s anxious he sleeps with his shoes on, prepared to flee at a moment’s notice. He also always keeps a packed rucksack under his bed for this reason. Before he+his triplets inherit their fortune they have very few belongings so it’s really obvious how Quigley keeps his packed.

3: Also on the topic of shoes, I hc that Quigley wears scuffed boots worn to oblivion, the stitches on the seams begging for release, duct tape wrapped and re-wrapped round the left boot (which got stuck in a jagged rock+ripped out). Also the laces would be triple knotted and mismatched (one is the original purple-Quigley’s favourite colour- the other is black and “borrowed” from Isadora after he somehow managed to loose one of his own laces). 🥾

4: Has inner conflict going on between fearing losing the people he loves if he lets them out of his sight for 0.01 seconds vs being the wildly independent person he became in the absence of others

I imagine Quigley to disregard his own wellbeing in favour of “but this plan will work!” eg, Quigley accidentally kicks a ball onto the roof and without second thought tries to scale the building. Leading to the inevitable breakdown of Isadora+Duncan. ⚽️

Uhhh these were all pretty angsty so here’s some more light-hearted ones~✨✨

5: loves ‘worm on a string’s , they’re so dumb, he can’t get enough of them. Isadora+Duncan will be struggling over homework meanwhile Quigley (who is legally dead and therefore doesn’t have to attend school) will use the invisible string to make the worm slither over their maths equations like the menace he is. 🐛

6: While his triplets prefer English as a subject (from being an aspiring journalist and poet) Quigley is better at maths due to the calculations he does to figure out the right coordinates on maps. If he craves socialisation(/chaos) outside of their usual circle then sometimes Quigley will offer to impersonate Isa or Duncan if they have a maths lesson/test that day. 📚

7: Quigley is an extrovert and befriends people quickly but this by no means means he does so normally. His hyperfixation on cartography extends into an interest in geography+cultural differences between places so whenever he meets a new person+has time for full discussions he interrogates them till he has a full history on them, their extended family+their ancestors regarding the places they have lived in or travelled to. 🗣️ 💬 🌍

8: Post-canon whenever the triplets have reunited and are in search of a competent guardian (deciding to find one themselves bc social services would have them sent to some grim place like Prufrock) Duncan scourges through newspaper archives for information of any relatives they have and puts together a family tree.

As he searches for more articles, Isadora+Quigley take a black sharpie to X off any unsuitable/unavailable/dead guardians. Since they’ve been in the library with the archive for a LONG time, a librarian approaches Isa+Quigley to ask if they need any help before cutting herself off mid sentence and backing away hurriedly with her lips pursed tight. It is only then that Isadora+Quigley look down at their ‘family tree’ and realise it resembles a hit list. 🌳 🖊️

9: Quigley steals other people’s clothes all the time. Usually his triplets’ clothes+some of Violet’s jumpers or jackets but occasionally he’ll borrow some of Klaus’ too. Klaus’s things aren’t really Quigley’s style but he likes watching to see how long it takes Klaus to realise. 🧥👚👕👔👖

10: Quigley+Violet are a lethal combo bc Violet will invent something worthy of a new hazard warning and Quigley will be jumping at the opportunity to test it out. 💡

11: Post-canon Quigley gets a job at a local café to afford rent and does a double take every time someone asks for a sugar bowl. 🥣

12: Quigley is a massive animal lover. Cannot get enough of them. Tries to adopt every stray he sees. Convinced Violet to install a dog flap on their door despite the fact that they technically don’t even have a pet.

13: Quigley is The Best at water fights. Sunny thinks she’s doing great having dumped a bucket of water on top of Klaus, meanwhile Quigley is sneaking up behind her with a power-hose. 💧

Thanks so much for the ask @cygninae !!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE talking about Quigley!!!!!! :))))))

[kirinda]

(icon and header and art in this post r by @/cupiidzbow !)

my carrd dedicated to kiri can be found here!

my names isa and this is my selfship blog! i barely use this blog and it needs revamping, my main is ousama!

IF YOU @ OR TAG ME IN A POST PLEASE @/TAG OUSAMA, MY URL IS AN OBSCURE CHARACTER AND I DONT WANT TO FILL HIS TAG WITH UNRELATED STUFF

im selfship tumblrs most hated thats how you know im a good blog baby yeah!!!!

if you rb from misogynists ill probably block you its not my job to tell you when you follow one use that little brain in there

sharing f/os is awesome! be nice about it

F/O LIST AND SELF INSERTS UNDER CUT

MAIN GUYS

Kirinda (Eto Ranger) tag: 📸

Trafalgar Law (One Piece) tag: 🫀*note: I ship with all of the heart pirates and use the same tag for them. Only Law is a major F/O amongst them.

Masked Deuce (One Piece) tag: ♠️

SECONDARY

Banban (Garten of Banban) tag: 🥳

Kaito Kumon (Kamen Rider) tag: 🍌

Rowena MacLeod (Supernatural) tag: 😈

Shelda (Bugsnax) tag: ☮️

BOe (Магазинчик БО) tag: 🐰

Biznella (Super Sentai) tag: 🃏

Nellie Lovett (Sweeney Todd) tag:🥧

Chuck Keith (Gundam) tag:🌌

Olympia (Pokemon) tag: 🔮

Marcus Kane (Twisted Metal) tag: 🚧 *Only the Head-On and Black continuity

Lard Nar (Invader Zim) tag: 🛸

Misasagi (Rune Factory) tag: ⛩️

Makoto Edamura (Great Pretender) tag: 🐱

The Director/Hubert (Interliminality) tag: 📺

Selmers (Night in The Woods) tag: ✍️

Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik (Sonic the Hedgehog) tag: 🥚

Self Inserts

All of my inserts use any pronouns while i usually default to he/they for them

My Eto Ranger self insert is Cabbage! He's shipped with Kirinda/Lydia. he's a...janitor i suppose? its his job to keep the ship and common area clean. he's super antisocial but enjoys speaking to kirinda while cleaning because it's less stressful than talking face to face with a living person. He falls HARD for that robot and their relationship begins before kirinda gets his physical body back but cabbage certainly enjoys the goofball regardless of form

My One Piece self insert is Karma! He's shipped with Law and sometimes the heart pirates in general as a polyship. Hes the user of the ryu ryu no mi model chameleon. He joined the crew a little after Sabaody after stowing away. He's kind of a menace but hes their menace. hes really bad at his job because he doesn't have the skills to utilize his fruits powers correctly. Law unfortunately sympathizes with them having childhoods that parallel at points. I do not have a self insert that i ship with Deuce. I have delusions about being Ace and we were partners

My GoBB self insert is named Eddie! Theyre an anteater who was made to work with disabled children and theyre shipped with Banban! I hope that doesnt sound weird I was in and out of sped classes as a kid so I wanted to reflect that.

My Kamen Rider self insert is Jules! They're shipped with Kaito and are a member of team baron. They dont really have any lore yet except for hardcore yearning lol. Might make them a rider too?

My Supernatural self insert is Voltaire!!! Hes shipped with Rowena hes a nachzehrer and certified menace. His ass should be dead but free will keep him alive bc hes Rowenas little play thang and keeps her slightly in line. Not by much. His heads so empty only thoughts of his pack and beautiful older women

My Bugsnax self insert is Sunnie Cuteloop theyre a magician! They heart Shelda we love faking magic. Two dif kinds of magic but you know.

My Pokemon self insert is currently unnamed and shipped with Olympia! They're also a magician I swear im not unoriginal I just do magic irl. They're the child of Hocus from the Oblivia region but moved to Kalos to pursue their career. They want to separate from their father and aim to be a better magician than he ever was.

My Invader Zim self insert is Tiere Ley a vortian scientist. They've been with Lard Nar since before the war but didn't officially get together till the Resisty was formed.

[simkngdan]

JUST A LITTLE BIT - 08 : riki you idiot.

wc : 581

dec 22, 2021. 8:07 am | location: belift lab high school

“riki hey!” jake greeted the younger, who was entering the key to his locker.

“oh, jake? ‘sup man?“ riki said in a state of confusion from jake’s unexpected presence.

“yo i was wondering if you could help me out a bit, it’s something that’s been bothering me for a little.”

“uhh, are you sure you want me to help?” riki laughed, “we just met so i’m probably not your best choice-“

“actually it has to do with y/n, so you’re the only one who can help me.”

riki stared into the older boy and quickly gathered his things from his locker, shoving them in his backpack, “oh y/n? actually, i think i should probably head to class, its starting soon. i’ll see you later!” he chucked and rushed away trying to avoid jake, failing quickly when jake grabbed his shoulder and turned him around.

“listen, i just need you to answer something really quick, i promise i won’t tell anyone anything.”

riki looked around frantically, searching for any sign that his friends may be around, “ugh fine. what’s your question?” he whispered, a sigh of relief coming from jake’s mouth.

“thanks man,” the older boy smiled, “ok so you know how in the groupchat, you told us that y/n had a crush on one of us?”

riki’s eyes opened up wide, regret washing over him from his previous statement as he suspected what jake would ask him, “yeah? i think.” he shrugged.

“did she ever tell you who it was? not that it’s any of my business, but i was just wondering because you know-“

riki dozed off in the middle of jake’s rambling, debating on how to answer jake’s question. should he tell him that she “likes” him? but what if jake confesses his crush on y/n, which he clearly has, and it turns into a big mess? maybe it’s better he keep it to himself, right? just blow it off, pretend she never told him who she had a crush on, and nothing will happen.

“she told me she had a crush on you.” riki blurted out.

riki you idiot, he mentally face planted himself.

“OH SHIT!“ jake yelled, drawing the attention of multiple classmates in the halls, one of them being isa who gave riki a “what the hell is he yelling about” look.

“yeah i got to go buddy. glad i could help!” he said, patting jake on the shoulder and walking away as fast as he could once more, escaping isa this time.

after arriving to his classroom, he let out a sigh and calmly collected himself before walking over to his desk. he sunk down into his seat, his hood over his head, wishing this day would end along with his misery. the bell rang loudly in his ears, as he sat up and felt a tap on his shoulder. he turned back and groned loudly at the sight of the person he last wanted to see right now, “y/n? why are you here? since when are you in this class?”

“uhh since the first day?” she said, shuffling through her backpack to take out her homework, “good morning to you too i guess.”

“good morning sorry, it’s just been a stressful morning.”

“oh damn, is everything ok? is this about the whole sunghoon thing? i didn’t mean for it to stress you out.” she said, concern deep in her voice for the boy.

“oh no. well yes, but everything’s fine. don’t worry about it.” he lied and he gave her a reassuring smile, turning his body to the front of the classroom and sinking down into his seat again, yeah this is gonna be a big mess.

masterlist | prev | next

a/n: first written chapter OMG i actually liked writing chapters more than i thought i would IDK WHY I WAS RLLY SCARED TO WRITE THIS but anyways! i wanted to say that ik the y/n fanclub flame riki a lot but !! it is just like teasing between friends :) i just wanted to point it out bc i feel like it came off like they were being really mean to riki but it’s all just part of the story 😉😉 THANK U GUYS AGAIN FOR READING I HOPE YOU ARE SAFE AND HEALTHY <3

summary - if there were two things y/n and park sunghoon had in common, it was their love for figure skating and themselves. other than that, you could say they were born to hate each other. whether it was on or off the ice, the two were always at each others necks, trying to find some kind of competition. but what happens when y/n gets together with sunghoon’s best friend, jake, as a way to distract sunghoon and he starts to get… jealous? can sunghoon get y/n to love him back, even if it’s just a little bit?

tag list! ( open ) @abdiitcryy @candidupped @c9tnoos @wonjaems @zhaixiaowen @stanmiku2020 @rikisnotforsale @mitsukifilms @c0nvers3h1gh @god-is-a-homosexual @laylasims1115 @sthinqsz @tobiosbbyghorl @rein-deer-stuffs @tlnyjoong @enhacolor @floverful @jungwoniics @papiibuprofen @shigamiryuk @youngestdelacour @theskzvibe @mymeloem19 @vantxx95 @shysakuno @uglyratlmao @hooniesoul @luvrseung @missmadwoman @niocity @minyouily @sftpjmn

[ambitionsource]

Who in the a class is in some kind of therapy?

what a question LMAO. but honestly, a very fair one indeed. while discussing this, es and i ended up basically dividing it into three groups (if someone isn’t mentioned, it just means none apply)

Is In Therapy Currently

Isadora || as we know from the canon of S3, isa is currently in therapy to work through the grief of valerie dying as well as like... the built up abandonment issues, anxiety, and struggles she has articulating or processing emotions lmao. it also helps her learn better methods to work with her autism

Farkle || i mean... we all watched S1 & 2. we know why he’s there LMAO and by god does he need it. it’s good that he’s improving though!!

Chai || she officially started therapy after the events of S1 while she was abroad because evidently her parents divorce really fucked with her emotional state and coping mechanisms -- as well as having sort of emotionally distant parents and having to navigate the world on her own. basically, money =/= nurturing. but yeah i think she realized what she did with tormenting her classmates wasn’t Healthy perhaps and so she sought out the resources to fix it on her own. her parents certainly weren’t going to be much help

Clarissa || clarissa has been in and out of therapy here and there since she was little, mainly for managing OCD. usually she’s fine and her appointments are infrequent (monthly at this current rate), but she tends to go back to her therapist when circumstances get very stressful, like the events of S2 (she mentions going back to therapy in a scene with charlie and haley in 210)

Not In Therapy Currently, but Has Before

Riley || though not by choice, riley went to therapy for a stretch of time in the aftermath of her bullying experience freshman year. by the start of S1, though, she’s on the tail-end of it after a whole summer full of it. she also had stints in family therapy when she was little when cory and topie were having their first bouts of marriage problems, but she doesn’t remember all that obviously. she’s thought about going back for herself because of all the divorce strain, but ultimately opted against it bc she didn’t want to go through cory or topanga. she mainly sticks to talking to eric if things get too overwhelming and using the coping mechanisms she already has

Darby || miss darbs spent some time in therapy in late elementary school due to having issues socializing with her peers. i think she’s always been a bit awkward and desperate to please, so that can get messy with kids cause kids are mean. she was also definitely bullied at that age for being really tall and so i think her parents put her therapy out of genuine concern just with the hopes that like, she’d be able to develop some coping mechanisms and have a safe space to get advice if they didn’t have the answers. and in some ways it helped, other ways no -- her friendships aren’t the healthiest still (as she’s the doormat), but i think she holds her own BETTER with the plastics having gone to therapy than if she never developed those emotional tools at all

Has Not / Is Not but Really Fucking Should Be in Therapy

LUCAS || this is like the most obvious blinking lights sirens wailing example ever. he is a walking textbook for endorsing therapy. between the domestic abuse, mommy and daddy issues, self-esteem in the subbasement, lack of life purpose, inability to read others well emotionally, inability to process his own emotions, the physical aversion due to his trauma, his kleptomania, his risk-taking behavior, his habit of lying, the fact that he has canonically walked off for days at a time with no warning, explanation, or safety net, that he sleeps in a fucking technician’s booth, he used to free-climb buildings SOMETIMES IN THE RAIN, no sense of self-preservation, intrusive thoughts, inability to express appreciation or affection in a normal non-stressful way...... this man is a therapist’s dream and nightmare. they could spend YEARS unpacking him. but will he ever go to therapy? no. because he a) doesn’t think he needs it, b) can’t ask for help ever, and c) could never afford it. and at this point, d) if his dad heard he was seeking help like that he would shut it down instantly. anyway, he’s the biggest case here. underline him in red

Charlie || charlie is a great example of someone who is like coping... sort of... not really... it Looks like they’re coping but they aren’t really and they really need help. like yes, charlie has stability in certain areas of his life that others don’t, and he’s extremely self-aware of his privileges, but i think that’s part of the problem. he’s convinced himself he doesn’t need or shouldn’t get external help because there are people who have it so much worse than him and he doesn’t... he doesn’t really need it, does he? he’s fine. he’ll be fine. and even if he did think about getting “help,” i think his first instinct -- and advice from others -- would be to go to his church leadership, which is not a suggestion made with ill will but just isn’t helpful considering half of his trauma is tied to his relationship with god and the church and faith. he needs a more objective space to unpack all of that, and obviously church itself is not the answer. i think that charlie will be able to work through a lot of his initial issues on his own with time and patience with himself (something we’re in the thick of right now -- we’re just barely in the acceptance phase), but he should really go to therapy in the future just to like... work through all of the long-term trauma he endured from his upbringing and bridgette’s exile and the dueling psychology of church vs sexuality. like... that’s gonna take some time to unravel and he needs to be in the right place to pursue that on his own. will he, i dont know, but i think when he does a certain heaviness he’s been carrying his entire life will finally like... lift. and he’ll be able to breathe better

Asher || so asher is a bit of a clusterfuck LMAO like he’s diagnosed officially with generalized anxiety disorder but he never saw a specialist, his mom diagnosed him since she’s a psychologist. the complexity here is that because of that... well, they say you should never let family be your personal doctors and i think that’s true for mental health professionals too. like emily basically gave asher the generic coping rundown when he was really young, and then he went on to develop his own coping mechanisms with, at least, a very fundamental understanding of what’s wrong with him. but he kind of developed his own complex about it all too, bc i think emily took pride in him being able to figure it all out and be so capable with his own mental health without ever going to therapy and he kind of internalized that, as well as having internalized a lot his mom’s perspectives and opinions as a mental health professional in a way that its like... well my MOM said that, so i feel kind of some type of way about it. so its all really complicated and twisted in his head and he just doesnt bother to unpack it (something, ironically, therapy would probably help lol). the thing about asher is that for all intents and purposes, he does cope well and he is really in tune with his own mental state. it’s just that he could seriously benefit from having an objective party help him untangle some of his neuroses i think and it would take some of the constant stress off his shoulders, but he’s honestly too stuck in his ways at this point to go. that being said, he’s a vocal advocate for therapy and its benefits -- just not for himself

Nigel || as discussed a bit in the ask i answered about him, i just think nigel carries way too much pressure on himself and he could benefit from someone helping him work through things instead of carrying all his stress on his own -- even if its less complex than some others. he’s like same range as clarissa.

Maya || maya has no issue with self-esteem, but i think she could still benefit from someone helping her actually unpack her issues over her dad and why she is the way she is. a therapist who specializes in narcissism would be a good fit for her -- not because she is one, but she does have... certain quirks where i think having that specialization can help unravel her motivations and actions a little more easily

Missy || she’s just a fucking mess. she shouldn’t be redeemed but i think therapy could really do her a favor and maybe make her less terrible and psychopathic towards people who aren’t like her. maybe

-- Maggie & Es

[whatadaze]

day 4: favorite ship: noah boom + liv reijners

warning: this will be long and chaotic and 98% of it probably won’t make sense

I thought about not writing this but I started a couple days ago and just couldn’t stop myself. And yes, I made two posts for today but that’s how passionate I am ya know? lol...and if it isn’t obvious by now i literally have no life + post shit no one cares about :-) 

This will be long so viewer discretion is advised.

Noah and Liv are good for each other. 

That isn’t to say they don’t have flaws, but overall they just work. In OG skam, it was emphasized over and over again that William and Noora were very different, but it’s those differences that drew them together and for them, that worked. In the case of Noah + Liv, if they were too different from each other I don’t think their relationship would have the same dynamic as it does now.

I mean, this whole season starts off LITERALLY showing the viewers how similar they are with their morning routines. The clip feels cohesive and whole, nothing seeming out of place and as they flip back and forth from liv to noah, everything transitions very smoothly. So in a literal sense, noah and liv are similar in their ~aesthetic~ (lol), with very vintage-y, hipster styles. 

But it’s so much more than the physical stuff!!! 

Here’s what I mean: 

1) Liv and Noah are both artists and musicians. We haven’t seen Liv draw much in season 2, but it was shown in season 1 that she can draw (look @ her insta for her sketch of imaan <3) + she’s also musically talented. Noah has a guitar so it can be assumed that he can play (unless that really is a tool to get girls lol) + he’s an artist. They both have similar interests and I’m looking forward to seeing how their passions intertwine in the future because i stg if we don’t get SOMETHING where they are using their talents together in a clip, I will riot. Also, an interesting thing to note is that when Liv is stressed or upset, she seems to push music away. It causes more stress for her. But with Noah, he seems to immerse himself in his art even more. We see that when Liv finally sees him in the funeral clip. He hides himself away in his room + sketches while the guests are all downstairs for the viewing. (don’t know how that fits into this but i always thought that was interesting) 

2) They are both lonely. Yes, they both have their own group of friends but we’re all familiar with the phrase “you can be in a crowded room full of people and still feel utterly alone”. We see Liv isolate herself a few times throughout the season. The first, when she steps out for a bit during Jayden’s welcome party. Then again when she leaves Isa with the boys and goes to her room. Another when she calls her dad and gets upset in her room while her friends are out in the living room. We can see her feel alone when she’s with her friends—when she finds out about Noah’s mom, when their getting their nails done, and during the benefit—her mind is not where it should be as it continues to drift off to Noah. She’s alone because in this moment, she has no one to confide in. Noah has his friends, Gijs and Micha, but we rarely see them together. In fact, most of the times we see Noah is when he’s alone (or with Liv :-)). One thing I actually enjoyed about OG skam was the friendship b/w penatrator chris + william. Yes, they were both two fuckboys but you just knew right away that they were best friends. With Gijs and Noah I don’t really get that vibe (but maybe they’ll explore that later??? although i doubt it bc we running out of time :( ) And we see Noah isolate himself even more after his mother’s passing—literally—by closing himself off from Liv and holing himself up in his room.

3) That brings me to the third point: they both avoid seeking help. Liv is the mother of the group. She takes care of them, gives them advice, and is always looking out for them. But rarely do we see her be the one to ask for help. She doesn’t tell her friends what’s really bothering her and when Isa notices that she’s been acting weird lately, Liv tries to brush it off. Liv’s way of coping is to simply hide her true emotions, put on a brave face, and wait until she’s alone to really act on her feelings. She doesn’t express frustration to her dad even though we see her visibly upset. She writes in her journal about having a shitty day and then steps out of her room with a smile on her face. It isn’t until she begins worrying about Noah that she finally asks for help. We can see that it’s hard for her to do so, but she finally does! Noah is the same way. When he finally needs someone to lean on, he isolates himself. When Liv finally goes to him, he pushes her away and tells her he doesn’t need her pity. His first thought is that Liv isn’t there to be with him but because she feels bad for him. This shows that he’s not used to people genuinely being there for him + caring about him. Liv sees through that BS and stays by his side, and the look on Noah’s face when he realizes she’s staying is enough proof that he needed someone by his side all along. 

4) And my final point is the way both communicate. I’d say both are pretty outspoken individuals and they don’t really hold anything back. From the very beginning, it’s very clear that Noah is interested in Liv and he has always been honest + open with her about that (even though she wasn’t too happy). He had never tried to trick her or blackmail her (and no, i don’t consider the date a blackmail). Noah never used Engel (no, i don’t consider that phone call as him using her) and he tells her that he wants to know what would make her believe that he is serious about her. He directly tells Liv that he is tired of the game between them and even GIVES UP. ANDDDDD MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL he IS HONEST ABOUT HIS BROTHER!!!! Liv is also pretty outspoken and from the very beginning, we see that she isn’t afraid to speak her mind. She tells people how it is, makes it clear to Noah when she doesn’t want him pursuing her the way he did (going by her house which BTW HE STOPPED RIGHT AWAY) and went to noah’s house ON HER OWN with the sole purpose of seeing him AND STAYED WHEN HE PUSHED HER AWAY. So we have two characters who are very open about what they want/don’t want, and like to express their opinions (i.e.: conversation during their first date) and what i LOVED is during the clip w/ their first kiss, liv doesn’t list all these things she didn’t like about Noah. She knew that what she was feeling was true, but she didn’t think that what she felt was the right thing (going back to the whole liv being the mom and looking out for everyone else). And what does Noah do? He says he understands. Because he does. And from their first date, I think Liv knew that Noah was able to read her in a way even her close friends couldn’t. 

YOU KNOW WHY!? 

BECAUSE THEY’RE THE SAME.

So what makes them work? 

Liv helps Noah learn that not everyone that cares about him is doing so out of pity. That there are people who care and want to help him. We see that especially during the funeral clip. Before they go to sleep, he asks Liv if she likes him, and he has this faint smile on his lips when he realizes that she really is there because she wants to be. Liv learns to ask for help from others because she wants to help him but doesn’t know what to do. And in the next few episodes, we will see Liv being the one to push Noah away (*cries*)  when she needs him most and she will have to learn to accept help during a time when all she will want to do is be alone. 

Another important theme in their relationship is trust. From the very first date, the topic of trust has been brought up over and over again. Noah tells Liv that he doesn’t know her well enough to trust her, Liv responds with “Maybe” when he asks if he can trust her. And after they get together, he tells Liv that he can’t wait until she can trust him. I don’t think that was his way of saying “i want you to trust me so that you have sex with me” it was a genuine desire on his end for her to fully trust him. And so when that trust breaks, it will cause a huge rift between them (*cries again*).

Anyway, that was me going off topic for a bit. 

IN CONCLUSION, Liv + Noah challenge each other. It’s what draws them to one another, whether they like it or not. Noah’s life seemed pretty mundane before Liv and even as a character I have to admit that he was kinda dull and I was initially indifferent about him when he was introduced. But after Liv went off on him and we begin seeing a different side of him (someone who is playful, makes jokes, and obviously doesn’t know how to flirt), we start to view him as more than some fuck boy who wants what he seemingly can’t have. And it was a good decision on skamnl’s part to slowly develop their relationship because we know that Liv is not the type to quickly fall for someone she was not into just one season ago. This slow development is what makes us as viewers also fall in love with Noah, grow attached to Liv, and witness these two beautiful people open up to each other and fall in love 

(*bawling now*). 

People usually say opposites attract, but I think that what Liv and Noah share in common is what pulls them towards each other. Liv is used to being alone, being the one who takes care of others, and doesn’t like being a burden to others. Noah pushes his way into her life, and when she needs him most, he will be there for her. Noah is also used to being alone, and before Liv, I think he liked it that way. He had an indifferent attitude about everything and when he wanted something, he usually got it. Liv challenges him, and I think he sees a bit of himself in her. When they’re on their date, Liv asks him what he thinks of her. He says that he thinks she’s reserved, likes to be in control, and doesn’t trust people easily—and all of this is true—but as we learn more about Noah, we see that he’s the same way as well. 

When Liv + Noah are together, they express their true feelings + emotions, which is why their interactions seem so raw and genuine. They get mad and frustrated at times, but they’re also genuinely happy. The emotions they’d usually push aside come out whenever they are with one another. Liv doesn’t hide how she’s feeling + Noah doesn’t either. Liv doesn’t feel the need to be in control around him because the moment she tries to be, Noah challenges her back (and vice versa). And although neither of them have verbalized it yet, we as viewers can see how much they trust each other already. They’ve seen each other in their most vulnerable states and that wouldn’t have occurred if there was no trust involved. 

also, side note:

i’m not saying that liv + noah are mirror copies of each other. of course they have some differences (i.e.: see example of their reactions to music/art when stressed) and while liv + noah are both outspoken, I’d say the way they choose to express themselves differ as well. liv is loud—whether it be through her voice or body language—she just has this strong, bold presence about her. noah seems more reserved (vocally and physically) so when he does say something, it’s usually super impactful. there are probably a lot more similarities + differences but honestly i don’t have all day so i’ll end it here lol 

OK WOW. 

So if you actually read all of this, I apologize for anything that didn’t make sense (which was probably all of it tbh) and I owe you a huge thank you and a gold star. I just have a lot of feelings and used this challenge as an excuse to write it all down.

noliv4ever 

[schreichters]

i think it’s like. i have trouble thinking of specific ways in which lucas’s journey w/ his gender presentation/femininity can be interwoven into s3 because #1 i don’t know if there’s TIME for that kind of extensive self reflection + all the other plot that gets covered, and #2 i want a lot of it to happen when he’s already with dutch even but they aren’t fully together till the end of the season, and #3 i guess i have trouble thinking of specific moments to highlight it because it’s SO obvious to me how it affects literally everything about him that it’s hard to draw it out. i guess along those lines the main thing i would like to see is

lots of montages of him changing his clothes like 2 or 3 or 4 times before going anywhere,,,,like isak’s locker becomes lucas changing all the time. except it’s not a metaphor it’s pretty obvious what’s going on. in the beginning he has an outfit on and then decides it’s too feminine or looks like too much effort went into it and thus makes him seem gay so he changes into something more generic teenage boy. and then by the end of the season it’s reverse, he starts off more generic and then changes to dress how he started in the beginning of all the other montages, only now that’s what he ends up in and what he wears when he leaves his room. like it would be ESPECIALLY nice to have a clip of that before the final party in episode 10 i think

a scene where ralph asks him to get something from his room and he goes in and scattered on ralph’s dresser are a lot of beauty products and he pauses and examines them and is like picking one up when ralph calls out to him “do you see it??? hello???” and he drops it like he’s afraid of getting caught and then hurries out of the room

already alluded to in a previous post but kes is whining about missing isa and is like idk man she was always so cool and funny and smelled nice... and lucas is trying to be funny and is like “that was the [very specific perfume name], not her, dude” and all the boys are like “...” and lucas is internally like “fuck i shouldn’t have said that” and kes probably laughs and is like “dude what the fuck how did you know what perfume she used” because he’s tactless and anyway. it’s genuinely not great and lucas is #stressed. the throwback to isa’s femininity being the past subject of lucas’s fascination is,,,,,,,,,powerful though. 

yeah like throughout the season when he comes out people r generally tactless about “oh that makes sense” “oh yeah i thought so i mean ur kind of--” and it’s bad! like there’s no getting around it. it’s just a hard thing for him to deal with emotionally bc people can read him as gay and he’s really uncomfortable with that and i don’t think that’ll be fully resolved by the end of the season

i mean what i want REALLY is lengthy intimate slowmoving scenes of like. lucas and dutch even sitting around and talking and i think lucas is really HOPING that there’s some shared experience, that he can be like “remember when you were a kid and you used to--” and then tell some “little boy who was interested in ‘’’girly’’’’ things and got shut down” story from his past and hoping that dutch even will say that he went through the same thing, but dutch even Didn’t so he says “no, sorry” and lucas has to process whatever that means to him. which i don’t really know yet but like...it certainly makes him feel some type of way about himself

but like i said earlier, i think dutch even is really open to trying out a more femme look himself so more scenes i’d like to see are when they’ll like. go to buy makeup together because they’ve agreed this will be their saturday activity (because THEY TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS AND THE THINGS THEY WANT TO TRY, THEY’RE TWO GAY KIDS BOTH IN EARLY PHASES OF FORMING THEIR IDENTITIES AND WHAT’S BEAUTIFUL AND LOVELY ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS THAT THEY’VE FOUND SOMEONE WHO IS THERE TO DO THAT WITH THEM TO MAKE THE PROCESS LESS LONELY) and dutch even can make light conversation with the girl behind the counter while lucas feels like he’s under intense scrutiny and going to Die bc this is casual for dutch even in a way it isn’t for him--yk?

dutch even decides he likes having his nails painted, he’ll interwine their fingers and declare they look good together and lucas feels like he may keel over and die because this boy makes him feel so comfortable and happy and like all of this is Easy, yk? 

dutch even making lucas feel comfortable and happy and like all of this is Easy is kind of a constant in their relationship...dutch even is a relaxed lowkey guy who takes things pretty chill and that’s very good energy for lucas as he’s dealing with difficult emotional stuff i think. not that he makes lucas feel like he isn’t being taken seriously, but that he helps lucas feel like these situations Aren’t serious. does that distinction make sense? the way dutch even reacts to things, it makes lucas feel like it’s not a big deal. which is good, i think. especially since ralph is not good at that and makes every new thing lucas does a big deal, i suspect

which, i mean that kind of obvious eager supportive energy also has its positives and a good effect on lucas but it’s good that he can have both, yk? time and place for both.

i mean, i just want more quiet moments of dutch even and lucas being together and their relationship being a support system for lucas as he becomes more comfortable with himself!!! more moments like that than the structure of the season allows for, unfortunately. headcanons always welcome and i’m sure they’re be more to come on my end. end of this post for now. 

[oceansborn-blog]

intros: next gen verse, pt. 1

ALICE LONGBOTTOM: seventh year, hufflepuff, head student, halfblood, cis female, she/ her. fc: milena tscharntke. pinterest. 

Mum Friend™ 

alice is like... very nurturing, honestly. she likes to be there for people and take care of them -- they come first, in her mind, and she comes second. definitely considers most people around her more important than herself -- she doesn’t have a bad self-confidence, really, but putting herself first isn’t something she’d think of?

even from first year she’d be the kid others could come to if they couldn’t sleep and she’d make them some tea and stay up with them 

favourite subjects are care of magical creatures & herbology -- just loves everything about nature and all the creatures in it 

her room at home is full of plants & she joined the herbology club at hogwarts as soon as she could so she could help out in the greenhouses; makes her feel like home and less homesick, though having her siblings and parents at hogwarts now definitely helps 

her tag is ‘steady flame’ which i tend to think pretty suitable for her -- she’s not a bright, roaring wildfire or anyone that sticks out particularly much, but she’s steady in her light and her love and she’s always there to provide some comfort 

always tries her hardest in her classes but if she has to help a friend out that takes precedence -- she cares about her grades but not as much as helping people, so if she needs to skip out on revising more for a test to comfort a friend, she will 

takes her prefect responsibilities quite seriously and now her head student ones, but isn’t a stickler for the rules in the sense that she always tries to understand the reason behind why a student got in trouble and if exceptions should be made 

her biggest passion is dragons and they have been her favourite animal since she was a kid her heart just !!!! soars when she thinks of them 

her dream job is to be a dragonologist but she hasn’t really... committed to it because she��s like... afraid of leaving home? she doesn’t want to be somewhere else if people need her? in a way ig she considers herself a bit more important than she is -- people will be fine if she moves elsewhere, the world will not fall apart, people will be happy for her -- but simultaneously she’s afraid to leave if like. nothing changes when she’s gone? and she’s not as important and necessary here as she thought? idk she has Conflicted emotions so her solution rn is just to let that dream remain just a dream 

hopefully she’ll get her act together and go for it one day 

but rn she’s considering a herbologist career instead even tho her heart is yelling at her to work with dragons 

AISLINN FINNIGAN-THOMAS: seventh year, hufflepuff, vampire, cis female, she/ her. fc: inbar lavi. pinterest.

bde: big dumbass energy

chaotic horny

kind of spoiled in the sense that she has both her dads wrapped around her little finger and kind of... charms her way into avoiding punishment?

gets away with a lot of shit she shouldn’t and has since she was a kid

maybe that’s why she’s such a disaster now! whom knows

was sorted into hufflepuff not so much because she admires or embodies the traits, necessarily, but because hufflepuff takes the rest and she really couldn’t fit anywhere else

she’s really just here to have a good time and wants to accomplish that in any way possible

she’s really... not interested in anything that doesn’t involve having fun. schoolwork? serious matters? will gladly ignore!

she Loves her friends and family but might not be the best person to always turn to for emotional support? or ever gfhsjd. her strategy for anything painful is ignore, ignore, ignore! and that tends to be her advice to others. she’s for sure nice to turn to if you want to distract yourself and do something fun, but in terms of actually discussing things and trying to process them? really not the right gal

‘mate, am genuinely jus here for a laff x’ in a person

gets into A Lot of stupid and reckless and dangerous situations just because she’s a person who tends to follow any half-rotten idea she gets. could be seen as brave, i suppose, since she’s not really scared of much --- but it’s more because she doesn’t think about it or linger on what consequences could come long enough to actually get scared

really doesn’t have an ambitious bone in her body. she’s never been one to even plan a week ahead but just lives her life a day at a time. teachers might try to get her to settle on a career and plan for it but she’ll just say a goal and by the next meeting drop another random career that she has no intention of trying for. probably drives them up the wall

does just well enough to scrape by in her classes so her parents can’t complain but no more than that

makes a lot of bad decisions, especially if she’s drunk

key example: deciding that knockturn alley seemed like a good place for a hookup and went there late at night, alone, and drunk as hell

did not find a hookup, but a vampire found her

woke up the next day feeling like absolute shite and with a very obvious bite that aislinn in true dumbass fashion thought was the ugliest hickey in the world

really hasn’t.... processed being a vampire? she’s like eh! can be ignored! i’m not emotionally and spiritually a vampire which is all that matters!

insists on still doing stuff she can no longer do, like eat a shit ton of garlic bread and lie out in the sun when she’s fucking nocturnal now

she’s quite sweet but her disaster energy brings a lot of stress to the logical people in her life

ISABELLA POTTER: fifth year, ravenclaw, disaster, halfblood, cis female, she/ her. fc: lana condor. pinterest.

she’s like the really trashy love child of leslie knope and ben wyatt?? mostly their bad sides lmao??? she too would be referred to as a human disaster on national tv

she’s a descendant of the part of the potter family that moved to america ages ago, so until she transferred to hogwarts in her fourth year she didn’t know the other potters?? like obviously she knew of them what with harry saving the wizarding world and all, but they hadn’t met each other before. she’s an only child with no close cousins so like meeting the potters and the huge fam that comes with them was kind of like ………………… wait what for her and she’s still like??? doubt we’re actually related sorry can’t live up to you all

but yeah it was just her & her parents growing up and she was quite close to them when she was younger, but her dad is a politician ( now the president of the magical congress of the us ) and her mother is a healer, and they’re both just really ambitious, hardworking people so they didn’t have a lot of time to dedicate to their home life?? and when isa went off to boarding school they drifted further apart, so at this point they honestly don’t know each other that well?? and tbh they’re not bad parents per say, if you don’t count how focused on their careers they are rather than supporting her, it’s just that they’re both so focused and confident i don’t think they ever consider that isa might,,, not be?? and she really, really isn’t.

her self-worth is so low and confidence is basically nonexistent, and when she’s nervous or struggling a lot with anxiety she tends to ramble a lot, which her parents just interpreted as her being talkative rather than there being an underlying reason for it, and basically there was just… a lot of misunderstanding between them? like isa still loves them, but whenever she was home she just didn’t feel good, and she hates herself for it because they are good people, but she just doesn’t know how to change that??

somehow did not end up nearly as charismatic or smart or anything as her parents tho and is just a mess™ so she mostly introduces herself only with her first name and tries to like not think of the fact that that her dad held such an important position bc she doesn’t want to bring more embarrassment to the family than she already has lmao

she really wants to make her parents proud and everything and tries to behave properly she’s just ??? failing epically. always finds a way to embarrass herself and put her foot in her mouth and once it happens her pride kicks in and she just makes it worse and worse because she can’t just admit that she did something wrong so she just continues to dig her own grave like every second conversation it’s amusing to watch but she’s just a tragic mess

with her father being the president and her mother out there literally saving lives she was like i gotta do something good with mine!!! she doesn't see becoming an author as good enough in comparison, so she's gonna study to become a healer like her mom after she graduates but like,,, it’s so not the right career choice for her, she'll probably would dropp up halfway through training

when anything remotely bad happens she’s like this is THE worst thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life and i cannot show my face ever again so basically,,, the ppl in her life are probably used to her Dramatic self by now. tho i guess now that there is an actual apocalypse going on, everything sort of is the worst thing that’s ever happened in her life?? anyways 

when it comes down to it isa is just a mess™ who just. gets into embarrassing situations Constantly because she never shuts up. she is often awkward and anxious and always puts her foot in her mouth and once that happens her pride kicks in and she just makes it worse and worse because she just can’t admit that she did something wrong so she just continues to dig her own grave like every second conversation. amusing to watch but a terror for herself she’s just a tragic mess who Cannot shut up for two seconds 

her mouth just runs on it’s own and her brain struggles to keep up so she just says weird shit sometimes 

it is honestly a surprise she hasn’t run off to live in the woods and write trashy romance novels yet 

that’s genuinely a thought she has daily djhasg she loves her family so much so she wouldn’t but like. she thinks she should not be allowed to talk with other people because she Will fuck it up and she’s proven that again and again

lowkey terrified of actually falling in love despite how often she gushes about it and just runs away at the thought. quite literally. she will ramble and then run as fast as she can she’s gotta GO

VERA WOOD-KRUM: fifth year, gryffindor, broom racing mess, halfblood, cis female, she/ her. fc: brittany o’grady. 

vera is entirely her fathers’ daughter and that becomes clear to everyone who has heard of them like .5 seconds after meeting her

she is Loud and she Will Not be stopped!! 

so yeah she’s the daughter of viktor and oliver, and at this point they’re even more iconic than they were when they were younger tbh. even their ‘love story’ is pretty famous around the wizarding world, their rivals-to-eventual-friends-to-lovers story touching many, not to mention being one of the first openly gay couples in the quidditch sphere

vera will always argue they’re the most iconic couple at the very least in the quidditch world but also probably in the wizarding world but lbr she is Biased 

she has three siblings, a younger brother named max who is... probably in his second year at this point i wanna say, and two older siblings, katya & alex, who are a bit closer in age to her. oliver and viktor used surrogate mothers and mixed sperm and have their kids, and yeah long story short vera is fiercely loyal to her family and would highkey die for them. 10/10 always ready to fight for them if someone talks shit 

very grateful for her family and her happy upbringing and they mean more to her than anything in the world 

obviously comes from a very quidditch centred family, and tho neither of her parents would force their kids into any career, they did have her join a little league quidditch team as a kid to encourage a healthy lifestyle and bc it’s their favourite sport in the world lbr. vera started out as a chaser but the coach decided to switch her position to seeker because he thought it would be a more suitable position --- which it definitely was, only more so than intended. her time in the little league quidditch team made her realise her intense love for broom racing, and she quickly lost interest in the actual game, racing off the pitch before quickly crashing and being brought back by the coaches fgjgdsfjhs

has been set on becoming a professional broom racer since she was a kid, basically, and is as obsessed with that as oliver is with quidditch --- if not more. like father, like daughter fjhsdgfhjs 

basically all her birthday and christmas wishes since then has been related to it, whether for broom polish or workout clothes or books on the matter, even sometimes wishing from brooms when a new version was released 

always makes sure to keep up with the latest news regarding anything from brooms to quidditch 

anytime one of her fathers went to diagon alley, she would hound them into bringing her so she could hang out in broomstix, overtime annoying the old owner into liking her LMAO, becoming something like the granddaughter he never had 

she worked there over summer and helps out a bit now during christmas break as well 

but yeah vera was sorted into gryffindor like .2 seconds after the sorting hat touched her head HFJSDGFJS she was so far from a headstall it’s ridiculous 

she takes after oliver a lot which i think is one of the first things ( and sometimes only if they don’t get to know her ) people notice about her --- she’s vivacious and loud and dramatic and incredibly competitive and is absolutely ridiculous, most of the time, especially when it comes for the lengths she’ll go to when it comes to broom racing. but she holds viktor’s kindness and loving nature at her core and she has quite a fixed 

definitely wouldn’t be wrong to call her a daredevil, one of the things she loves about broom racing is flying around obstacles and how wrong it can go if she’s not good enough gjhdsgfj 

has been in and out of both the hospital wing and st. mungo’s many, many times for a sixteen-year-old 

her whole family is very supportive of her dreams which she is So grateful for, partly because they just want to see her succeed and be happy but also to reduce the amount of injuries she gets hsdhjfgs viktor especially trains her a lot with his seeker experience in mind, a role which her older siblings took on when she started hogwarts 

that said, the wood-krum siblings are just as likely to encourage each other to get into trouble as to help each other so she ends up in trouble a lot hjsdghfj she Loves it tho all the professors probably think she is a pain in the ass, albeit a charming one

vera always tries to get around hogwarts by broomstick or longboard so like. rip in peace to the rest of hogwarts’ inhabitants bc the amount of detentions she gets doesn’t face her, she is set in her ways 

[boringpapercutter]

This has something to do with WERK haha

Yes naman! after a long time, I'm finally able to post an entry haha! (nagkataon kasi na maaga ako sa office at tinatamad ako maglinis hahaha) Anyway, this is about my conflicting mind about work and life decisions in general. someone finally employed me despite of my credentials after 3 months of looking for a job. I never really thought na matatanggap kasi nung mga time na yun andame nang calls pero wala nang kasunod and there were a lot of emails as well pero just to notify me about the closure of the position I'm applying. I was so frustrated at that time kasi buong 2020 wala akong trabaho, freelance na di na natulungan pamilya ko. Pero buti nalang may tumanggap sakin The company I'm in is a pioneering company, ibig sabihin wala pang maayos na sistema na sinusunod, everything has to start with the employees like me, as a graphic artist, I can do whatever I want bc wala namang nasusupervise sa mga gawa ko. I mean, walang co-artist akong sinusunod. I'm my own boss kung baga. But I'm not gonna elaborate yung mga nangyayari sa company ko, blahblah coz every company has its perks and negative sides like crappy co-workers, issues between the boss and the employee, artists not being able to think for themselves; these are all a part of a normal company. Pero these things are the very reasons why I kinda wanna quit my job. But this is the catch: I am so determined to stay in a company for more than 6 months.

I am not really into "taking care of my mental health" anymore since I've thinking about that all my life and all it ever brought to me is stress, unnecessary apathy towards my peers, and hate towards the system of this world which is so problematic in all angles. I can't confide in my own worldview when I'm poor and has a family to help. so I'm so over self-care and into working my ass off just to learn how to work harder than ever. I wanna experience being able to work at the same company for a year or more. Now, ever since I got into a misunderstanding with my boss, I've been calling my friends if they are hiring graphic artists and actually, meron naman. I got two job opportunities. pero dun na nagsimulang magreklamo sakin yung utak ko. It's like my mind is telling me na "I'm quitting just bc of a little misunderstanding?" I really pondered on that din hanggang sa we got to clarify things with my boss, it turns out na i was the one who's putting a lot of pressure to myself, my boss never really wanted what I expected. somehow, it made me realize na di lang talaga ako sanay na mina-mandohan ng isang tao na may alam sa arts (coz most of my boss before are dumb at art or they don't really know what they want so I'm forced to decide on my own) so yun, the entire time, i was just hard on myself. Then dun ko narealize na wala naman talaga akong dapat problemahin sa trabaho ko, narealize ko na tinatamad lang talaga ako gawin yung pinapagawa sakin and in the first place, wala naman din talaga akong right na magreklamo dahil pinilit ko lang naman yung sarili sa career path na 'to. All i have to do is to work and try new things. dun ko narealize na wala naman din akong reason to quit dahil alam ko na same din naman na stress yung aabutin ko kahit saan pang company ako mapunta if don't get the job done at kung ang iniisip ko lang at yung gusto ko.

But then, with all these job opportunities na binigay sakin, I'm left to think about practicality nalang. may nag-offer sakin ng same na sweldo pero this time, sobrang lapit lang sa bahay ko plus WFH. sobrang ganda nun for me and yung isa naman i get to really minister with the same amount of sweldo. my work right now is in Pasay, medyo malayo nga. Pero the thing about my work right now is I get to be on my own (yung wala ako sa bahay at nai-stress ako) and that's a good thing for me. I really want to be able to work without thinking about the stresses sa bahay. and the fact na well provided ako dito kasi meron akong magandang laptop na ginagamit unlike pag sa iba, kelangan ko pang maki-hati sa mga kapatid ko sa computer sa bahay. I have to buy my own laptop din to work for them. Pero yun nga, I get to work less there pero same lang yung binabayad sakin at may mga benefits pa unlike sa work ko ngayon, di ko pa malalaman kung kelan kami magkaka-benefits. somehow, I think na mas better dun sa malapit lang sa bahay pero at the same time, I get to learn new things here and di ko lang sure kung magiging ganun ako dun. I'm not sure. pero one thing I know is I won't accept a job offer kung walang government benefits. di ako mayaman at privileged para hindi mag-start mag-invest sa mga iyun. I need to be wise here. It's kinda obvious kung anung job offer yung much better pero I'm still sticking out here maybe until July just to test the waters.

[throwawayy2526]

Started writing this kanina and uhh tapos na ko sa avp and all but,,, grabe nagrerender na ko ng video kaya finally, pwede na ko magdrama!!!! di na ko naiiyak unlike nung isa araw? or kahapon? dont remember days kase nga nagbblend lang lahat ng days sakin. Anyway, omg hahahhaha nagpost lang aq sa ig tapos naging emotional na ko. I really was on a downward spiral since oct 2019. this time last year kase ako nagstart maglaho. kase I wasnt happy with who I was becoming. I knew then I could do better. So sabi ko aayusin ko muna sarili ko. and so I tried my hardest to be better. pero dun pumasok na kahit anong gawin ko, never naging enough. and so I kept bringing myself down but I kept going. sobrang hiyang hiya ako sa mga grades ko, at kung sino ako. I remember feeling like I was the dumbell sa mga groupings kase I felt like I wasn't fast enough. May una akong singko rin noon kaya grabe panghihinayang ko. Lahat kinuquestion ko kung valid ba ko. Academic Org Officer pero walang ambag/bobo. Scholar ni gov pero babagsakin. My friends started going out without me dahil sa sched ko/lagi ko tinatanggihan kase yung pressure ko sa sarili ko grabe. It was my choice back then but eventually, i felt like i was an outsider. kapag nandun naman ako nakakahiya rin na they would help me, and I still manage to constantly fail. Hirap lalong tingin ng mga tao sakin super duper chill kase nga dinadownplay ko lahat. By Nov, halata ko na may nagbago sakin. Wala akong allergy pero nung time na yun dumadami pantay ko. Nagstart na rin ako mag-anxiety attacks. I remember spending ber months, including my christmas break doing my plates naalala ko december 24 tas dumating mga pinsan ko at nagvivideoke sila sa bahay and all I could think about was my plates. constantly kong pinapagalitan sarili ko for being a dumbass and lied to everyone na di pa ako gumagawa kase nakakahiya sabihin na ginagawa ko constantly without having any noticeable progress. but I continued to work my ass off. i went to school at 7am and uuwi ako 8pm and bcs traffic at malayo, makakauwi ako ng 10pm and minsan first meal ko 8:30pm or minsan isang buong more than 24 hours akong di kumakain kase sobrang daming gagawin kase nasa isip ko kapag kumain ako baka antukin ako and di ko afford yung time. and punong puno na ko ng pantal noon kase sa stress omg. oHH pero feb breaking point ko na, I remember 1 week na overnight sa bahay ng kaklase ko tapos ang naging “break” lang talaga eh yung nag-cr ako ng 10 mins para magbreakdown tapos go na ulit. i remember sir telling me na isa dapat kami sa finalists if only naexecute nang maayos. If only I had done the scale model. I wasnt able to kase sa time constraint. Kase ako sa rendering ng lahat. Di ko na alam pa ko pa mabibigay yung quality na gusto ko. That's always been  my struggle. Either mabilisan pero mema or mabagal pero quality. Pero yun nga, at the end of the day, di namin tapos. Tapos bumagsak rin ako sa BT na ilang buwan ko ginawa. Yung HOA naman I wasnt giving it the quality I used to before. Nung HOA 1&2 ako yung laging 100 grade sa plates pero nung mga time na yon, kung sino-sino na gumagawa ng plate ko. Buti na lang talaga nililigtas ako ng mga higher year/mga kaibigan ko. I hate asking for help kase nakakahiya and di naman tama yon kaso minsan sila na nagiinsist. Lalo lang ako nainis sa sarili ko nun. Pero anong magagawa ko eh halos wala na nga kong time kahit sa basic human needs. I compare myself to others kase buti pa sila kinakaya nila. Di ko alam pano nila nakakaya. I tried to reach out kaso unang reply pa lang, iniiba ko na yung topic. Parang nakakahiya eh etong pagtatanungan ko, she's been through worst. Ano naman pinagdaanan ko na hindi ko kasalanan? Kaya sige, balik na lang sa kung anong ginagawa ko. Kaya nung natapos yung feb, parang ayoko na maulit yung pagod na yon. I was so burnt out. Tried multiple times to go back to that kind of grind kaso lagi lang ako nagfafail. Smol steps raw pero I felt like I wasnt moving. Naiinis rin ako kase napakapriveleged ko, may mga means ako para mag-aral ng maayos, may means ako para maggrow, may mga kaibigan ako na susuporta, may mga willing akong turuan. Sadyang ako na lang mismo ang problema. For the longest time, ayun na lang paulit-ulit sa utak ko. Ako yung problema. I deserved to fail. I deserved everything I was going through cause I wasnt strong enough, wasnt fast enough, wasnt smart enough, and I wasnt good enough. Iniisip ko dapat talaga di na lang ako pinanganak, dumating pa sa time na sinigaw ko yun dito sa bahay kase pakiramdam ko wala naman talagang relevance yung existence ko. Kung di ako pinanganak edi sana 2007 pa sila hayahay ang buhay, instead, eto ako, ginagapang nila pang-aral ko pero babagsakin pa rin ako. Wala akong karapatan mag-inarte kase ako pinakamaluwag ang buhay dito sa bahay. Everyone's been through worst. Why cant I just do my part. Puro ako dahilan, puro ako kapalpakan, puro ako reklamo. Paka hirap iaccept na I wasnt who I thought I was. Thought I was better than that. Felt like I actually didnt know who I was. I went through my contacts kase I just needed someone to talk to. Found myself scrolling for minutes kase wala. I wasnt comfortable with sharing anything to anyone. Buried myself instead with temporary dopamine shots. online shopping, halaman, yosi, o kung ano man. Whenever I try to write or draw or play music, may kasamang pressure mula sa sarili ko pa rin. I tried to fix my room kase that's the only thing I can work on. I still couldnt bring myself to do anything else. It's been a long year. and kapag naaalala ko lang kung gano na katagal, lalo lang akong naiinis kase anong ginawa ko sa loob ng ilang buwan? napakawalang kwenta ko. Oct 5 pasahan ng mga IP. and I couldnt bring myself to pass anything. Ayoko na talaga. September 29 I 've decided na sukuan ko na lang lahat. Lagi na lang ako nagpapagod for nothing. And it all keeps racking up. Kaya tama na. Pinalipas ko yung Oct 5 and para akong nabunutan ng tinik sa dibdib. Finally, I can start fresh. I gave myself a week to move on kase di pa rin madali tanggapin. Only nung nag-random na chat sakin si aj nung bigla akong nareassure at navalidate. Sobrang nagstick sakin yung words nya. :< Di ako nagkamali noon nung sinabi kong everyone needs an aj sa buhay nila. Sobrang hnggg validating and since then, i felt better than ever. then yun nga, binigyan ako ng task and for the first time in a whole ass year, nagkasense of accomplishment na rin ako. Napakabig deal sakin na may nagawa akong tama, for once. Iyak aq ih,,, this time, happy tirs naman.

[bloodinyourcoffeestream]

one month of practice teaching

ＴＲＡＮＳＣＲＩＰＴ

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS WTF I HAVE SO MANY STORIES TO TELL YOU CAN I JUST CALL????????? I'M CRYING EVERY WEEK IS HELL WEEK WHEN YOU'RE A STUDENT-TEACHER

actually i would most likely just break down ya kno if my hair isn't this short i'd consider getting a haircut again, why do my kids have to be so rowdy what the actual fuck???????????????/ i've walked out on two of my classes already which is super Not a good notch on my performance but jesus fuckin christ no one ever said it would be this hard (maybe except that one senior who advised me to shift courses when i was a sophomore)

i'm saying this so often these days but i've never been this Tired in my entire goodamn life!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ya know how yoi outgays itself in every episode?? it's like that for me except each day outstresses the previous one time to die

ya i'm sorry it's just ughughhuhuhuhguhughughuhuhuhguhughuhuhuhughu teaching is fun and all but? i thought i'd stop getting stressed once i get adjusted to the environment but holy fuck it seems everyday that passes reduces my tolerance for my kids' antics

i'm a pretty chill teacher in general i let them have free reign in my time as long as they submit their outputs on time. we start the class late up to 20mins to wait for the latecomers!!!!!!!!!!! they can like eat and play music and even walk around or do stuff for other subjects and even fucking sleep!!!! (they even played 'stupid love' and 'kalimutan mo na yan' and 'titibo-tibo' in my class and i never judged them for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) they can easily gain my permission when they want to excuse their whole class to practice for their mapeh cheerdance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i joke around with them!!!! i treat them all like i personally ejected them outta my damn womb & raised them for 16 or so years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm a pretty chill teacher in lectures too i try to be as jolly as possible!!!!!!!! i try to make discussions interactive!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm generous with recitation chips!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (u can get chips just by sweeping the floor and erasing the board!!!!!!!!!!!!) i spend all night designing lesson-related games so that my kids wouldn't get bored!!!!!!! i give them plenty of time before the deadline!!!!!!!!!!!!! (like we spend a whole week for each output!!!) i go around the room during hands-on activities to make sure they're all doing their work properly!!!!!!!!! i even lent them my drafting stuff & provided them with bond paper bc i know how broke they are!!!!!!!!! you should come & sit in one of my classes they'll be the best thing you'll ever witness. i swear. i'm the best B-)

so holy mother of fuck why can't they give me the 1 ounce of respect i deserve? i'm so kind to them is it so hard to be kind back???? why are they all after my blood??????//

being strict's not my thing because strict teachers get less respect and u know it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sinasaway ko sila + nagtataray ako minsan pero sandaling-sandali lang then back to bibo hotdog na aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i'm so sorry for this rant i know i'm not supposed to be complaining to you i just. can't bring myself to tell my co-teachers bc they just tell me to be strict. and i can't for the life of me be strict. i literally forget which kids were noisy and rowdy after a maximum of 10 seconds!!!!!!!!!!! i easily forget which classes i'm supposed to be angry with and treat them well again the next day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! uhuhhuhuhuhuhuhuuuhhuhughughghuhuhuhuhuhhghugh kahihiyan ako

which is why i walked out of two of my classes; i feel like i've done everything to deserve their respect and it turns out i still don't. and idk what to do with them anymore honestly

i'm so stressed na bimb. minura ko na yung lower sections na hawak ko legit if my advisor/cooperating teacher(CT) finds out i'll get a bad rating for sure (and if i get a bad rating, laude is cancelledt) (super bigat na batas sa high school teachers na bawal magmura). i told them verbatim; guys kayo di ko kayo ginagago kaya pwede ba ako huwag niyo ring gaguhin? (which sounds light but not when coming from a hs teacher ok? some of them audibly gasped wow high schoolers are so soft) but even that didn't seem to have an effect on my raucous kids hanunah

anyway i just feel so weak now?? i forgive too easily specially especially after they've apologized or stopped being dicks + they make me smile so easily bc they're mostly so sweet & funny??????? why don’t i have the ability to stay mad & hold grudges & be strict hahahahhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuetangina

some 'anonymous feedback' i got was that, para raw akong baliw, one minute galit then the other bati-bati na ulit, tas parang be-babyhin ko pa yung mga sinita ko. inexplain ko nalang na di ko kayang magalit then my CT said kailangan kong maging consistent - kung galit, galit talaga, or else magmumukha talaga akong baliw. or di na ako susundin kasi parang joke lang ako magalit

b i h

iyak na c acoe

i'm sorry this is so long i feel like we haven't talked in years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm writing this in the faculty room actually haha i feel like i'd stop functioning if i don't type these out, my head is such a wreck rn bc i keep getting bad feedback about my teaching strategy, sorry for all the exclamation points :(((((((

yung CT ko pa, he's always insisting that my lower-sectioners are just a bunch of assholes, KSPs, and lazy fucks, but they're not!!!!!!!! they're actually really sweet, they can be competitive when motivated properly, and they have so much potential???? their grades might be mostly seven-liners – (yung isa kong anak aNG SAYA-SAYA NIYA NUNG BINIGYAN KO SIYA NG 79 LIKE ?????) (pinaulit ko yung gawa niya btw tinuro ko ulit sa kanya kung alin yung mga mali niya hahahahaha then naging 103/100 pa yun) (may +5 kasi pag nagpasa before the deadline so ayun) – but they're the ones who are maparaan/madiskarte; i know they're the ones who's most likely to succeed in real life. they're also the ones who greet me on the corridors & off-campus with those cheerful "hi ma'am"s!!! ma'am buhatin ko na gamit mo!! ma'am ako na magwawalis!! idk if i’m a fool but i only see kindness & initiative in their actions?? these pabibos are gonna go far, i believe in them so much, i really go

the top-sectioners my CT puts on such a high pedestal are mostly GCs and self-entitled, always have their noses in the air & think they're better than everyone including me. always competing with their "Friends", crab mentality, always memorizing my material even if i always tell them to Understand instead of memorize bc they'll never learn shit that way????

i'm so dismayed bc there's a very specific mould that determines whether you're a 'good teacher' or not. and that mould is so, so different from what my shape is. that mould goes against my beliefs and principles; that mould is nearly everything i've been wanting to fight against when i decided to be a teacher and holy shit it looks like i have to fit in that stupid, ugly mould if i want to graduate. nevermind cum laude; i'd never graduate unless i fit in that bullshit mould

shet bes magpapakain ako sa sistema makakuha lang ng diploma

ily so much baks thanks for listening to my stupid rants. i don't know who to turn to, everyone else is like 'ganun talaga' or some other bs i wanna jump off a cliff, pls i'd rather disappear than magpalamon sa sistema. tangina ng sistema

why do i have to be so stubborn why am i like this?????

bes

ang sama pala maging weird

tanggap ko na nga sarili ko eh minamahal ko na nga yung pagiging weird ko pero hindi pala pwede; not in this profession; shet bes i need to become normal 2 survive. no fun allowed

now i just want to go home & send u thing whole novel can u believe i've been here since 5:30am!!!!!!! every!!! single!!!! weekday!!!!!! it's 5pm now but i can't go home yet bc i have to check tons of student outputs and write 5 semi-detailed lesson plans so that i can actually rest at home. someone take me out, the footbridge in sandigan is really tempting sometimes you know? the one that crosses over the underpass and u can see all the trucks passing underneath the bridge, plus theres a bunch of electric cables too. and when you're standing on that spot on the footbridge, the view of the sky is super pretty too. (you know what, maybe i'll take a photo when i pass by later. if it's there's still daylight out, that is.) it's so tempting sometimes,, sadly i'll never hear jung hoseok's contagious laughter if i pull any shit

do u think i should drop out now and just. i dunno work as a farmer in pangasinan or somewhere farther, like in visayas or maybe even cambodia where so much myths and folklore thrive, at least that sounds a lot less mentally taxing. i have backpain now anyway; i won't have to complain about that when i'm actually farming

i can't even listen to all the older songs i like bc they make me nostalgic about the past sjhkjhkjdhfkshdk i've told you how much i hate this nostalgia already, it hasn't stopped yet, gods help me!! i keep saying, "sana thesis na lang, thesis na lang ulit" and it's not even funny anymore

i'm so sorry for telling you all this :((( i'm sure you're stressed with school too, i hope i'm not adding to that. don't worry about me, okay? i'm probably not as stressed as i seem anyway, i tend to overact a lot then be perfectly fine after drying my tear ducts and then an 8-hour sleep and like a hot meal that isn't just reheated for the 5th time. i'm so sorry for making you read all this, this is like 5 whole pages i'm sorry :'((((

there's another lower-sectioner i wanna tell you about but this is getting ridiculously long, ask me about patricia sometime ok? it's kind of long-ish hahahaha

but u know what the worst thing is??? I BOUGHT TWO PUDDINGS FROM THE BAKERY YESTERDAY & ONE OF THEM FELL ON THE PAVEMENT JUST LIKE THAT. IF THE GOD'S AREN'T BULLYING ME IDK WHAT THIS IS

[illnameitlast-blog]

OMG it’s been more than a week since I’ve started this personal project.

I’m going to retry calling as much as I can remember up to today.. 9/11/2017. Might not finish. 

so 

the original plan for that Thursday was to connect two friends in the music industry at 2, clothing photo shoot w a Postmates driver, L, who I quickly befriended at work (a cafe in Brentwood) at 5, and then around 8pm I was going to sleep over at a coworker’s house so that she could bleach and re-color my hair. 

..here’s what really happened. 

I woke up somewhat early, maybe around 9:30/10am. Currently my long-time high school friend Kristine is going to move in with me into the small studio I live in. Her lease ends the last day of August, & that’s today, Thursday. The night before, my friend Taylor said last-minute she needed a place to couch surf after all & will be putting her room up for Airbnb. [Taylor lives in a master bedroom by herself in a large apartment right next to The Grove. The last time I saw her a few months ago I told her I would be down to move in with her and she agreed it would be cool. We agreed she’d Airbnb her room for extra money for September, while I saved rent money to move in with her in October.] 

I walked less than 10 minutes to get a bunch of breakfast for myself. I’m talking about pancakes, toast, eggs, hashbrowns, bacon, and sausage. When I come back, I eat about 3/4 of what I ordered and eat half of an acid-laced sour patch kid, roughly equivalent to half a tab (I’d like to think). It’s about 12:30. 

Alright, now I need to start getting ready as fast as possible before the acid hits. First I talk to house owners Danny & Tara about Taylor moving into the studio with Kristine & I. A little unsure at first, they eventually agree. I go back to getting ready. 

The acid doesn’t hit until about an hour later, when I’m about to leave for my 2pm froyo meeting with friends Yael & Josephine. After getting Pressed Juicery’s matcha “froyo” w almond butter, pineapple, & extra pineapple, we walk withYael to some place she knows of where we can hang out. We’re on Abbot Kinney and arrive at the TOMS store. As you walk in, there’s a coffee bar. Past it, a seating area with tables on the right side and shoes for sale on display on the left side. Past THAT, you go down a few stairs onto grass turf with tall, stair-like seating all against the right side with a couple tables & chairs on the floor against the wall across the entrance of area. We all sit & talk for a bit, where I find out that Yael will be at the Anaheim House of Blues the next day, Friday, where I’ll also be to support a friend’s band that’ll be performing. We agree to try to see each other the next night. Around 3:30/4, we leave to walk back towards our cars. On our way back, we pass the Wheel of Fortune that seems to be some type of known landmark? I spin the wheel, first getting WISDOM but then it quickly switched over to FUN. currently, I do not disagree. maybe later in life I might. 

I get back to my car. right before meeting Yael & Josephine, L texted me asking to rain check the photo shoot. since I was free & I knew Kristine needed some help bringing things to my place, I decide to go over to her apartment in Westwood. when I get there, I’m feeling amazing. I had just linked two amazing people in the music industry and that was the first meeting I’d ever scheduled. I was ecstatic! earlier in my day I had come up w the idea that instead of Taylor putting her room up for Airbnb, Kristine & I could just move in instead. I was going to move in October anyways. I needed to check with Kristine first, & she was for it. So I called Taylor & told her my idea. Taylor loved it! In the span of about a 5 minute phone call, we were moving to West Hollywood. Because of that I was also able to help another one of my friends that was looking for a place to stay for the month of September! ***side note about the weather, during my phone conversation with said friend, that was the day when there was like, apocalyptic weather going on, where it was very warm & humid, but pretty windy & even started raining at some points during the day. I say this because I was observing the weather from the open window at the moment***  during my time there I created this tumblr on impulse. eventually Kristine’s roommate finally left for home & it was just the two of us. it was starting to get late & nothing had been put away in the car yet. WE NEEDED TO BE OUT & DONE BY SUNRISE.

I start packing things in the car. We need to start moving. Once we finished, we drove to Kristine’s home home, about 1:15 hour drive away. We got back to the apartment around 4am I believe. I’ve never mentally pushed myself that hard before, I was so freaking EXHAUSTED moving everything to the car while Kristine cleaned, back & forth, from the 3rd floor (but thankfully had an elevator). We didn’t finish til 7am. I ordered food around 7:30 for pickup on my way home. 

I leave Kristine around 8am. She’ll meet me at my place for food & a shower soon. I get home, scarf my breakfast sandwich down, eyes-closed, hoping to simulate resting. As soon as I finish I hop in the shower right away. I get ready, tell Kristine how to lock up, then leave. I go to work from 10am-6:30pm. 

I’m EXHAUSTED. I magically make it on time. Work is rough. After about an hour, I use the bathroom & check my messages for anything important. Tara is very upset about Kristine leaving her burrito leftovers & the dog got to it, after just telling me the other day to make sure the rules about food in the studio were known. I don’t have time to reply, so I just go back to work & go back to cutting the watermelon up for juice, since we didn’t have any ready. I’m extremely stressed at that point & start tearing up. My coworker/big brother figure Isa sees me, takes over, & sends me to the bathroom. I’m crying. The only 2 bathroom stalls are occupied. I’m crying. A woman on the phone walks into the bathroom & is in line now. I’m still crying. One of the shift leaders Val comes in, hugs me, & takes me to the office in the back. She’s had enough breakdowns to know what was happening with me & I’m thankful for the care she showed me. FINALLY, I’m done crying. I go back to work, feeling better, and finish the rest of my shift. 

As soon as I clock out, I change outfits & head to the House of Blues Anaheim to see birthday! I saw birthday @ SXSW earlier that year, where I also met the frontman, Duran. Although I was DEAD & exhausted, I had this show in my calendar for about 2 months, had told them I would be going the same day they announced it, & refused to flake on them. Their last show I’d missed their set, but I’m so glad I saw this one. The energy was amazing, & it made me want to introduce him to Yael even more for potential booking purposes. Unfortunately, Yael was in a different room than me & couldn’t leave, since she was there as Production Assistant for the show. After birthday’s set, Duran & I catch up a little & watch a few songs of the next opener. It was very interesting. 

Duran says there’s a band he wants to see in a different room & is going to find the stage hand to see if we’d be able to go check it out. The guy gives us two shiny pink wristbands & we head outside towards the entrance to the Foundation Room. This is the room Yael is in! I’m STOKED. We go past the door, it’s immediately an elevator. Take the elevator to the 2nd floor. Exit, walk across the catwalk above/between the stage downstairs & the ramp entrance to the room I saw birthday perform in. 

We enter the room, which is in the shape of a rotunda. Very nice. Duran is standing behind my shoulder. I ask the girl at the front desk if we just walk in. 

Girl: “Do you have tickets for the show?” 

Me: *shows wristbands* 

Girl: “Oh! You’re a member?” 

Me: *quick pause of hesitation* ... “Yes! :D” 

Girl: “Would you like a glass of champagne?” 

Me: “If you would like to pour it for me, thank you so much!!!” 

Duran & I walk in, both holding a glass of champagne. Eventually I introduce Yael & Duran to each other. Towards the end of that show I run into Alexa / Plexxaglass! Shortly after, Duran & I dipped. we went back to the first room we were in. He gets me backstage, into the green room. I help the boys put away their things to leave. In the next room over, Bro Safari is playing.. & Duran has 4 tickets. It’s about 11:30pm. As much as I really wanted to go, I knew I couldn’t let myself, unless I wanted to LITERALLY die of exhaustion. Also, I worked the next day 8am-4:30pm. Duran offers to walk me to my car, except we actually literally walk down the ramps instead of take the stairs to the floor I needed lol. Long story short, I lost my car, we looked for it for about 20 minutes including one of the other boys in the group, then found it on the floor beneath the floor we were looking all over. 

I get into my car, & check my messages. Turns out my friend had moved into the studio already, meaning to me that I couldn’t sleep over there that night. Kristine was at her old apartment where her friends had moved into, but there was no furniture yet meaning there was only hardwood floor to sleep on. Taylor’s place wasn’t an option yet, as she was still cleaning her stuff for us to move in. On my way to Anaheim I’d seen a sign to Riverside & thought about sleeping over @ my best guy friend’s house. Except he’s in Vegas for the weekend. I didn’t wanna go back home home to Rancho/Fontana bc that was way farther than Riv & I know I was already so tired.. So I texted my coworker Bekah, who was supposed to color my hair the other day, to see if I could sleep over for the night. I got to her place at about 1. Her cute ass bought me granola bars & milk in case if I wanted cereal in the morning. (’: We talked a bit, drank wine in bed, then I FINALLY passed out. I woke up the next morning, left around 7:30, and there was ash on my car bc apparently that day there was a fire nearby. Nature is being hella crazy as of lately.