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naumin · 11 days ago

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no tall towers: a postmortem

is 'postmortem' too dark a word for it? just talking about the things I learned while organising this project :)

this one's a bit rambly but it's got a little bit of instruction inside. if anyone has any questions get in touch and let's talk BOOKS!

the concept

in april i got the idea that i wanted to organise a laios/marcille fanbook (because i LOVE them and especially because there wasn't a lot of fanwork around). i originally wanted to produce and sell a solo doujin with 1 or 2 pieces of guest art. however when money and multiple people are involved there's the question of how to compensate everyone fairly. i had several ideas of how to do this:

pay contributors a fixed amount e.g. $50 per piece (this is hard when you have no idea how much your book will earn)

pay contributors a % of sales e.g. 10% of all earnings (this is hard because you need to keep track of it for as long as your book is being sold. you may want to limit how long your book is available for for this reason*)

because i didn't want to limit how long the book was available for and to make it as simple as possible for me on the admin side, i decided to make it a free book with open submissions.

*a limited sale period can be good because promoting a project is super exhausting the longer it goes on. 1 month is reasonable imo. but because this is a rare-ish pair for a newly popular series i wanted to keep it online so fans can keep finding it.

communications

i've been in almost 20 books as a contributor, and pretty much all of them create a discord server to handle communications. some are mandatory to join, some let you opt out and receive announcements via email only. depending on the projects some are very chatty and some are extremely quiet.

the main advantages of discord ime are networking (i've made great friends from being on a project together) - which also helps with morale and giving ppl positive feedback to make their works - and for organisers gives the option of instant communication, e.g. if someone asks a question several people are wondering about, you can answer them all in one go.

the disadvantages of discord ime are people muting the server (understandable) and possibly the need for moderation - most people are extremely lovely and civil, i just am a worrier. also, discord can be a time sink... you don't want to be backreading a chat for 30 minutes when you only have 30 minutes to work on your project a day! i get distracted easily so for me that was a no go. what was good is that there is a laimar server (run by @saccharineomens) so i knew people could still chat and support each other. i'm really grateful for that.

so, if you want to avoid discord my experience is you totally can. all you really need:

an info masterdoc on somewhere like google docs or a public blog post/web page - you need to be able to edit it in case you need to add new information (with a time/date marking the change)

a way for people to submit their works like google forms or just your email

a way for people to ask questions, my main tumblr blog worked fine for me. you may want to copy your answers to common questions into your infodoc as they come up

important documents

this is the infodoc I created for this project. one thing is I did forget to specify the orientation for image works (portrait), oops.

one thing I'd really like to see more in collab projects is for organisers to list their experience. we already ask contributors to give so much... what about on the other side u know. I think a lot of people leave it out because they might not think they have any relevant experience. Really try to dig deep and list any type of project you've been in or helped complete... doesn't have to be art or fandom related.. or maybe organise a solo project first to get your feet wet.

for example I used my solo books I made for school/zine fairs. i'm a visual artist and i rarely work with text. so some of them are pure images, then some of the comics have computer lettering, but technically speaking i never formatted large amounts of text in my books so that was something new I was promising people I'd do. but it wasn't scary because I think my previous projects gave me a foundation to try new stuff like that. that's all people need to see to be willing to trust you handling their works ime.

formatting a zine

so I personally used InDesign here, it's one I've worked with before and enjoy. for other pdf projects I've also used Scribus and really like it (I'll be using it for Nerd Sex again this year) and its free!!! I haven't used Scribus to format text yet but for pure image books it's a really simple case of creating your page-size image in your art program and then inserting onto the pdf pages of Scribus lol. really easy.

for previewing, viewing, rearranging etc anything to do with your pdf I really recommend PDF24. also free!!! 5 stars incredible software.

here are the indesign tutorials I used and liked:

How to Add Page Numbers

How to keep Page Numbers on Top

How to Create a Table of Contents

What is Overset Text and How to Fix It <- essential for formatting text onto multiple pages

How to Reduce InDesign File Sizes

if this is all too complex here is the most basic 3-step method to creating a pdf book that applies to using both indesign and scribus or likely any other pdf creation software you can find

create new document. Select facing pages if you'll have double page spreads or think you might print out your book one day

locate the rectangle frame tool (indesign) or image frame (scribus) etc and draw a frame over your page (your whole page or just where you'd like your contents to go)

ctrl+d (indesign) or right click>get image (scribus), find your image and click on it. that's it!

repeat for all the other pages. that's my most basic guide to creating a pdf image-based book where all the pages are the same size.

publishing

publish on whatever platform you think is suitable (itch.io, gumroad, personal site, whatever etc.) and remember to advertise the shit out of it. if it's free keep saying it's free!!! if you feel like a resentful jaded broken record you havent repeated it enough my friend. say it one more time for good measure.

that's my messy postmortem of no tall towers to climb a 112-page free fanthology from 14 fans of laios x marcille including all new fic comics illustrations and recipes available for download and to print-at-home NOW!!! :) <3

#diary #zine making #book work

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seenoversundown · 6 months ago

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For Death Or Glory : Chapter Five

Jake Kiszka x Charlotte (fem OC)

Warnings: Anxious Themes (includes a Comforting scene), Mild Meltdown (I don't want to say a panic attack because it isn't really) Mentions of Grieving, the most brief mention of funerals, silly&friendly bullying, drinking/alcohol (we know the drill), Fluff oh the fluff, & Jake yearns a little more (shocking).

Word Count: 4.6k

Summary: After caving and finally asking for help, Jake doesn't know what to do with himself until she shows up. Which takes a big ol' turn for ... well, I guess we will find out, won't we? 🤭

Author's Note: If we're being completely honest, this was the first chapter I wrote, of this story. I knew exactly how I wanted this day to go and I couldn't stop myself when I thought of the idea. It's what fueled the bulk of the storyline and I really hope you guys love it as deeply as I do. 🥹

Clocks Go Forward - James Bay "Stay warm, close your eyes, let time fly, Stay close, stay right here, nothing to fear."

I slide my phone back into my pocket. Staring at it isn’t going to make her reply, Jake. I’ve been at the bar trying to figure out this paperwork for a while, and well, I’m lost. My hands keep finding their way to the back of my head as I read through these documents; I need to focus on something else.

“Hey, how are you?” I say in passing some day-time regulars of ours. I collect any empty cans or glasses that I can, anything to keep me busy at this rate.

I wander behind the bar, setting all the glasses in the dirty bin.

“Jake.”

I look over to Josh, who’s wiping out a glass.

“Why don’t you just go get some lunch or something? You’re stressing me out being here.”

“Is it really that bad?” I ask, running my hand through my hair.

A laugh erupting from him says enough.

“Okay, alright, I’ll leave you alone,” I tell him, “Just let me know if you need anything.”

Reluctantly sitting back down at the desk in my office, I find myself with my head in my hands for a moment. You’re going to be okay. You’re new at this, and it’s okay to mess up. She’s giving you time to take care of everything.

After a deep breath or two, I opened my laptop and pulled up my email. I decided that maybe spending some time doing mindless admin work would help distract me from the inevitable problem.

I’m flying through these emails by humming along to whatever customers have chosen for the jukebox. Looking at the time in the top corner, 2:30 pm.

She still hasn’t replied. Maybe she’s working with someone else right now; just be patient.

I walk back into the bar, seeing a handful more people come in. I wave slightly to the regulars who like to camp out in the corner. They enjoy sneaking away from work for a few hours; “Lunch beers” is apparently what they call it. I laughed the first time they told me about it, but as they continued the tradition, I understood it more and more.

Looking to the corner of the bar, I see Quinn. I can’t help but watch the two of them for a minute with a grin plastered on my face. Seeing my brother so happy makes my heart swell daily, and Quinn is perfect for him; I can’t deny it. They just know how to handle him and reign him in when he’s being a bit too much. Which is more often than not.

“Do you two want to go grab lunch?” I ask, slinking my arm around Josh’s shoulders, “I think I can handle the rowdy folk we have here.” I shoot a wink at the few customers sitting next to Quinn.

His eyes light up, “You don’t have to ask me twice. Let’s go, bug!”

I don’t think he could have left any quicker if he tried. Immediately, hand in hand with Quinn, and practically pranced out of the bar.

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“And a squirrel fell down my chimney into my fireplace!”

I nod with a quiet “mhm,” glancing at my phone hidden under the bar. 3:15 pm. I'm trying to look interested in this story I’ve heard a few times. The older gentleman talking to me forgets that he’s told me the majority of the tales he has in his arsenal. But I don’t want to cut him off; he seems lonely, and the least I can do is humor him.

Hearing the door chime, followed by Josh making his entrance.

“Welcome back,” I chuckle as he walks swiftly towards the bar.

“I need to use the lavatory, and then I will be ready to rock ‘n roll or whatever kids say nowadays,” Josh mutters.

You would think he’s nine hundred years old with how he talks sometimes, but it always keeps me on my toes. Watching as he disappears around the corner, I grab the older man’s glass and place it in the dirty bin.

The door chime goes off again, causing my head to whip around.

Oh, she’s here..?

As Charlotte slowly walks to the bar, I go to meet her at the opposite corner. I pull my phone out; she never replied?

“I didn’t think I would see you today,” I start as she approaches. Leaning down to grab everything I had been looking at, I stowed away when I couldn’t focus anymore.

“I have been reading through all of these, and I think you’re gonna need to explain these to me like I’m five–” I stop. I hadn’t looked at her face the entire time, and her eyes were pink and looked a bit swollen. She’s not making eye contact at all, which seems odd compared to the other afternoon, where I thought if she held my gaze any longer, I would explode. Was she crying? I questioned myself. I hope I didn’t cause this. Was she supposed to be off today? Oh my god, what if I’m the only reason she’s working?

Finally pulling myself out of my head, “Are you okay?”

She takes a shallow breath before looking up at me, and I can see that her eyes are fighting the urge to let the tears fall.

“Um,” she swallows, looking back down, “Yeah, I’m fine.” Her raspy voice is so quiet I can barely hear it. Her lip quivers as she stands there, and I can see the way her breathing is picking up. Oh no, oh no, oh no.

I hear the door to the bathroom open. Turning around, I shoot Josh a look. He makes eye contact with me as I bounce my eyes to Charlotte and back to him. I watch as he glances at her quickly, his eyes widening as if to say, ‘Do what you need to.’

I come out from behind the bar, grabbing her bag from the barstool it sat on.

“Come with me,” I whisper to her; she just nods in response.

I gently place my hand on her back, guiding her down the hall to my office. Just long enough to round the corner into the small room, she lets out the tiniest whimper I’ve ever heard. I toss her bag onto the chair, facing her as she finally breaks down. Her hands fly up to hide her face as she lets out the most heartbreaking sound. One sob was enough for me; I pushed the door closed behind her and pulled her into me.

“Oh, honey,” I let slip out, holding her small frame tight against me as she cried. I listen to her sobs against my chest as I run my hand down the back of her head, holding her close. I close my eyes to help focus my breathing; being in these situations never gets easier and I’ll never understand how I always end up in them.

“Take a breath for me,” I said quietly, trying to stay calm for her. I can feel her take a deep breath and shakily release it. Her arms drop from her face, finding their way around my back. Grabbing at my shirt gently, like she’s afraid I'll let her go.

“I’m right here. Take your time,” I whisper, pressing my lips gently to the top of her head, “You’re okay.”

We spend a few minutes like this. I keep rubbing slow circles on her back, resting my face against the top of her head to keep her tucked in.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask. I feel her shake her head ‘no’ before turning her face and leaning back against me, reaching up to push the hair out of her face. She lets out another shaky breath.

“I‘m so sorry,” she mumbles into me.

“Don’t apologize for having emotions.”

I lean back to look at her, her breathing starts to feel more normal.

She looks tired.

I don’t know what comes over me when I reach up, holding either side of her face and gently wiping the tear stains on her cheeks away.

Our eyes finally met; she really was beautiful— crying or not.

Her gaze doesn’t falter, her green eyes locked on me. She almost makes me nervous, not in a mean or intimidating way, but like I shouldn’t be allowed to look at someone who looks like her.

“Do you want to um-” I hesitate, “go get something to eat? While we talk about things. Not like a d-”

Despite her watery eyes, she huffs out a laugh.

“Stop,” she says, “I know what you mean. Yes, let’s do that.”

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We walked into the restaurant, and considering it’s only 4 p.m., it’s not very busy. I let her pick where we sit, following behind as she chose. She had a soft smile on her face as she claimed the booth seat like she just won a prize.

“Hi, can I please have a Boulevardier? ” Charlotte politely orders, my eyebrows raised at her choice.

“Actually, I’ll take the same thing,” I tell them, “Thank you.”

Charlotte pulled out the paperwork, flipping through it to see what I had left. Watching her green eyes flit across them, setting aside anything that needs more attention. The way that she chews the inside of her lip while she’s reading is endearing.

“Okay, so you haven’t missed too many things.” She tells me.

“Oh good,” I start picking at my lip, “I’m sorry, I just didn’t realize how much was involved.”

“That’s alright, Jacob. It’s a lot, and nobody generally explains this part of business to you.” Normally, I would cringe at my full name being used, but I just want her to keep saying it.

She pulled out one of the papers and turned it to face me. She pointed at the part I hadn’t filled out.

“So essentially, this means–” She begins explaining. Her eye contact is intense while she talks, which makes it incredibly hard to focus. I feel myself slowly smiling as she’s telling me. I glance at her mouth quickly, making it even more challenging to pay attention.

“What?”

Damnit. I raised my eyebrows with a small ‘mmm’.

“You looked like you wanted to say something?” She questions.

“Oh, I’m sorry– no, I was just listening.” There are a lot of things I could say.

“Oh– Well, anyway,” she shakes her head a little before continuing to explain.

I really wish that I could tell you what she’s explained to me at this point, but to be completely honest, I have no clue. I’ve been far too distracted by the freckles on her nose and the way her eyes twinkle under these lights. I can’t get over the green of her eyes, with subtle gold flecks in them. Her hair is perfectly curled, and how the color of it stands out against her blazer. She is unreal.

“Are you planning on doing that?” She asks, immediately pulling me out of my thoughts.

“Yeah, absolutely.”

“Great, Melody will really benefit from that,” she tells me. Benefit from what exactly?

“Do you need me to send you the information on that?” she quickly asks, grateful I’ll at least have context on what I’m agreeing to.

“Please, if you could,” I say quietly as I rub my eyes.

Our server stopped our conversation to take our order, giving me a second to try and refocus myself. She is trying to help you and isn’t being an asshole about it. The least you can do is pay attention to what she’s actually saying. Get it together.

“Okay anyway,” she starts again, “I think that’s everything?” She sifts through the papers.

“Amazing,” I breathe out. “I’m sorry I made you come out here to help.” I sit back in my chair, my hands falling into my lap, where I quietly dig at the side of my thumb.

“No, it’s okay, really,” she says, not making eye contact this time. “I was already in Portland, so it worked out.”

Her eyebrows pulled together as she told me, but I knew I shouldn’t ask. If she wanted to tell me what was wrong, she would. I’m not going to make her cry again.

“Well, I’m glad I caught you at the right time then,” I say, offering a small smile. Her face softens a bit, and she leans forward, propping herself up.

“So, how long ago did you buy the bar if it’s not even a year old?”

“About two years ago, actually,” I tell her, “We took our time renovating it to feel right.”

“We?”

“All the boys helped me, but Josh really did the most with making it look the way it does.” I usually have no issue talking about the bar, but her being even vaguely interested has my brain stalling.

“I love that. He did a good job curating,” she says, “Was the goal to be pirate-esque, or did it just end up that way?”

I chuckle, “No, it was intentional. I’ve always enjoyed pirates, even as a kid, so I felt like it just made sense.”

“I think it’s nice that you made it your own. There are enough modern hipster bars in the area. It’s a refreshing thing to walk into.”

Her compliment made my heart beat a little harder. I’m never one to assume, but she doesn’t strike me as someone who would hang out in a bar like mine. Granted, I guess I can’t really picture her hanging out in bars in general, but maybe that’s because I have always been a fan of the smaller, more dive bars. And I can confirm that I’ve never seen someone of her caliber in any of them.

Once our food is brought out, I ask her about how she got into working for the state. We quietly chatted about some of the situations that she’d walked into, which unintentionally made me feel much better about my slip-up. But simultaneously, it made me realize how terrible men can be. I can’t imagine yelling at her regardless of what she told me. People are awful.

The server brings over the check, and without hesitation, I slide my card into the little black folder and hand it back to them with a quiet, ‘Thank you.’ I bring my attention back over to her, her eyes a little wide but going back to normal as she continues telling me about another bar owner being a complete ass.

I fill out the slip, leaving cash for the tip, before looking up at her.

“Ready?” I ask. She just nods a few times before sliding out of the booth. I wave my hand in front of me, “After you m’lady.”

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“So, how far do you live from here?” I try to make some form of small talk on the way back to her car, avoiding the elephant in the room.

“I live in Skowhegan, so it’s a little hike,” she tells me, looking around at the area’s architecture, “but my family has a house on Sebago Lake, so it’s not as bad when I have to come down here.”

“Oh, I'm sure it’s peaceful over there.” I imagine how quiet that lake house must be this time of year. With minimal people vacationing or trying to fish on the lake, and it’s probably gorgeous in the mornings.

“It really is,” she says, looking down at her feet for a second, “Do you live close?”

“I actually live above the bar,” I laugh every time I tell someone, “I know that probably seems ridiculous.”

“Convenient, at least,” She giggles softly before looking at me with a smile. Oh, I’m gonna throw up.

“It’s a blessing and a curse,” I tell her, “Blessing when you can just roll out of bed and run downstairs if you oversleep, but a curse when I find myself in there most days.. And nights.” Pointing at the crosswalk, nobody was coming; I placed my hand on the small of her back as I led her into the street, shit, carefully pulling my hand back as she stepped off the sidewalk.

“You don’t get sick of being there?”

“You would think so, but no. I love it, even if working with my brothers can be an absolute chore sometimes.” I tell her.

She grabs my arm gently.

“I think that’s great, Jacob. It’s refreshing to hear someone love their job in this industry. It’s few and far between.” I glance over at her as she says it; my stomach has little knots forming as she squeezes my bicep a few times before pulling her hand back.

She points to her car, parked just a short distance ahead of us. I see her pulling her keys from her bag as we approach it, unlocking the doors. I open her door for her, watching her face redden a little at the gesture. As she’s settling into her seat, I notice a brochure-looking paper in her passenger seat before realizing there’s a photo on the front. And a name. Oh my god, Charlotte. That’s why she was so upset.

Setting her bag down in front of the pamphlet, she turned back to me with a soft smile, “How much should I send you for food?”

“Don’t worry about it,” I tell her.

“But, Jacob..”

“It was my idea. I’m not going to make you pay for that.” Also, it’s the least I can do, especially now.

“Okay,” she sighs. “Well, thank you for the food and walking me back here. I’m pretty sure I would have gotten lost.”

“Of course,” I tell her, “Drive safe.”

I go to close her door for her, and I don’t know what possessed me when I hesitate, “Actually—” what are you doing? “Let me know when you make it home? Just since it’ll be a little later.”

She nods subtly before saying, “Okay,” with a quiet laugh.

I bite at my bottom lip as I smile at her, gently shutting her door for her.

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“Now, where have you been?”

I haven’t even made it fully behind the bar, and I’m already getting harassed.

“It’s nice to see you too, Linda,” I laugh under my breath, “I had to take care of some paperwork, but I’m here now.”

Raising an eyebrow, she looks from me to my right, where Josh stands with a shit-eating grin. Oh, fuck me.

“And how was that paperwork, brother?” He says joyfully, emphasizing his skepticism with heavy air quotes.

And, here we go.

“The paperwork went well,” I side-eye him, “Thank you for asking.”

I watched the two of them share a look before looking back at me, and all I offered was a shrug in response.

“Why were you not in your office doing paperwork?” Linda questions as Eleanor joins her at the bar in their usual spots.

“Who wasn’t in the office?” Eleanor chimes in.

“Jake! He apparently went somewhere with someone to take care of paperwork,” Linda fills her in, like two school girls at lunch.

Rubbing my hand across my face, I turn around to dry some glasses while I’m interrogated further. I should have known my being nice to her would have me questioned.

“Well, that sounds like he went on a date,” Eleanor unknowingly agreeing with their past statements. Josh is the most enormous pain in my ass, I swear to god.

“It wasn’t a date!”

Josh laughed, “That sounds like something someone who went on a secret date would say.” I feel my body warm the more they talk about my “date.” WHICH WASN’T A DATE.

“Well, who paid?” Linda asks.

“Uhh… I did,” I hesitated to answer. “But- it was my idea to go there, so I didn’t want to make her pay anything.”

“Oh! You went with a girl?” Eleanor quietly questions.

“Yes, I needed help with some business stuff, and she was able to help me,” I tell her. “If she hadn’t come in so upset, I would have just been here the whole time.”

The ladies look at each other and then back at me before Eleanor pipes back up, “So what you’re saying is, I just need to come in here crying to score a date with you?”

A laugh falls out of me before I can even process what she’s said; at least someone has a sense of humor about all of this.

“That’s very nice of you to take her to lunch to try and help cheer her up, sweetheart,” Linda tells me. I smile at her compliment before putting away some of the glasses I had been drying. I feel Josh’s presence before he says anything, just setting some dirty glasses in the bin below the counter.

“Is she okay?” he whispers, leaning over to make sure nobody else heard.

“I don’t know, honestly,” I tell him, knowing I sound a little panicked about it.

“Did she say why she was upset?”

I shake my head ‘no’ before leaning over, “I saw one of those printouts you get at funerals in her car, and she was wearing all black, so I’m assuming that she uh—”

Josh covers his mouth and turns to look at me. If there’s one thing I know about my brother, it’s that he will absolutely empathize with anybody about anything.

“Oh shit,” he murmurs under his breath.

I can’t hide the look of concern on my face as we stare at each other for no more than a few seconds.

“She’ll be alright. You probably just caught a wave of grief, is all.” Josh says, grabbing my arm and giving it a few squeezes.

I let out a small breath. He’s right. She probably just hadn’t really let anything out, and I just asked the wrong question.

“You’re right,” I whisper back, patting the back of his hand on my arm, “I’m sure she’ll be fine.” But that isn’t going to stop me from worrying.

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Business picked up shortly after that, with all the tables full and chatter loud. It kept me from my thoughts, which is probably for the best. I’m grateful that Linda and Eleanor came in tonight; they always keep me busy.

I take small breaks from behind the bar to go check on the tables of people, collecting the empty glasses and bottles; sometimes, it’s nice to just mindlessly clean up. I spend a few minutes making small talk with some of the regulars, noticing the time as one of their phones lights up.

11:30 p.m. already? Where did the night go? I leave the table with a slight wave and head back to the bar to leave the dirty glasses. Setting them all on the back counter, I can tell Josh is caught up in whatever the ladies are telling him.

Rounding the corner into the hall, I quickly lock myself away in the bathroom. Pulling my phone out immediately, relief washes over me when I see her name sitting in my notifications. Thank god.

Charlotte: I made it home. Thank you again

Jake: I’m happy to hear that and of course

Jake: I hope everythings okay.

Sliding my phone back into my pocket, I head back into the bar. She’s home, at least there’s that.

“You can go if you want. I can handle the rest of the night,” I tell Josh quietly. He’s been here all day, and I definitely didn’t intend for him to cover the bar for that long.

“Are you sure?”

“Please, go get some sleep or call Quinn. Just get out of here while you can.”

He hands me the towel he was using and mouths ‘thank you’ as he slides by me; I really can’t blame him for being excited to go to bed. It’s been a long day.

The rest of the night seemingly flew by. A fair number of people, including Linda and Eleanor, left by 1 am, which meant I had to clock into my true Customer Service self for the last hour of the night. But it’s always nice when people start to trickle out early so that I can start cleaning up to close and make my life a little easier.

I’m leaning against the back counter talking to the last few customers, and I can’t help but let my mind wander. What if she’s still upset? There’s nothing I can do to help that situation, and that’s okay. Maybe she just needs a friend right now. I could do that? Or maybe she’s already told her friends, and Josh was right. Was she just having a moment? Oh god, what if she has a boyf-

My phone vibrates, pulling my attention away from my internal spiral. 1:57 a.m. Thank god.

Charlotte: It will be, i’m sorry that you had to witness that.

Jake: don’t apologize, i’m glad i was able to help..i hope?

Charlotte: It did help, truly.

That makes my heart feel a little weird. Don’t get ahead of yourself.

Jake: well.. if you need anything, let me know?

I set my phone down underneath the bar and started printing the tabs for the last customers who were sitting. I went through the motions as I put the papers out front of each of them with a pen. I watch as they sign on the line, possibly leaving a tip; either way, I’m not bothered. Leaving with a friendly ‘Have a good one,’ I follow behind them, locking the doors and shutting off the neon lights. Happy to know that I have hardly anything left to do.

The brisk air hits me as I lock the back door, and I practically run up the stairs. Opening the door, it’s quiet. He must be asleep then. I carefully walk through the apartment, cracking his door open to see him tucked away in bed.

“Goodnight, Josh,” I whisper, pulling his door shut gently.

I shut my door as softly as I could, immediately pulled my flannel off, and tossed it on the end of my bed. Followed by my jeans before I grab my phone from my nightstand. 2:34 a.m. I open my messages to see her name sitting there with the blue, unread messages dot glowing back at me.

Charlotte: I may take you up on that.

Why is she still awake? It’s so late.

Jake: I hope you do

Be more obvious, Jake, come on..

Jake: Also why are you still up? lol

It changes from ‘delivered’ to ‘read’ almost instantly. I watch the typing bubbles pop up, making my stomach turn.

Charlotte: I just haven’t been tired enough to sleep, but I think I’m getting there.

Jake: After everything, I figured you’d be exhausted

Charlotte: You would think lol

Dropping my phone next to me. I rub my hands down my face. Trying to get the look on her face just before she cried out of my mind. ‘I’m so sorry’ in her sad little voice, playing on a loop. The sounds of her sobs against my chest, her shaking in my arms. I almost wish that I didn’t know why she was upset now.

Jake: well don’t let me keep you up

This time, my message sat on delivered for a few minutes. I did my daily scroll on mindless apps and looked at the few new photos people had tagged the bar in before she replied.

Charlotte: You’re not a bother at all, but I should probably try to sleep before it gets too much later.

Charlotte: Goodnight Jacob

My mind ran through all the ways that I could reply. How I’d love to tell her that I’m sorry for her loss and that I hope everything gets better. Even that, I had a lovely time talking to someone outside of my family and their partners for more than a few minutes as I served them a beer. It felt like we could be friends even, with the way she didn’t seem phased by any of the vaguely nerdy things I said. Unfortunately, my hands settled on something more straightforward, and I quickly hit ‘send.’

Jake: sleep well, Charlotte

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Chapter Four

Chapter Six

FDOG Masterpost | Masterlist | FDOG Playlist

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wenevergotusedtoegypt · 1 month ago

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Being a parent is so hard in ways you can never predict beforehand (because every kid is so different).

5yo is still not fully potty trained. He has a para to assist with toileting at school but we have been told he will not be allowed to advance to the next grade there if he's still not potty trained by next year, which first of all, wtf, you're holding back a child who is academically completely up to scratch because of a physical issue that he has an accommodation for?? and we don't want him to stay at this school anyway, I never wanted him there in the first place, but it was the only place we were able to get in this year. I feel like we JUST got him in here and it's already time to start trying to get another school to accept him for next year. I feel like I shouldn't have to convince a school to take my awesome and smart and funny and kind kid. The school that happily takes the kids with autism and ADHD and dyslexia and other learning challenges and works with their needs told me for this year that they simply would not know what to do with a child in a diaper because they have never had a child in a diaper. They also didn't feel he was mature enough yet for their youngest class but the diaper was the really insurmountable issue. It doesn't matter that he's great and sweet and well-behaved and loves school. The diaper.

I paid $100 to speak to a (recommended by someone I trust) potty training consultant last week and now 5yo has been home from school this entire week and I'm so introvert-burned-out and I feel like we have accomplished exactly nothing. He is back in underwear (after his morah last year requested he switch back to pull-ups because it was too much for them to deal with the dirty underwear) and he's consistently peeing in the potty without issue, but we already knew he was capable of that, he's been capable of that for a year and a half, he just usually chose not to when he knew he was wearing a pull-up because why bother. I've worked so hard to implement the consultant's recommendations for a low-pressure, positive plan to get him pooping on the potty, and I've checked back in with her by email repeatedly, I've documented everything that happens for her review painstakingly in my "free" time after the kids are in bed. But we're on day 4 out of 5 and he has "pooped on the potty" a whole whopping once, which honestly barely counted because he didn't even try to push it out, he just sat there and a little came out. I spent $50+ on 20+ prizes and he has only earned one and he told me that it's the "funnest ever" so he doesn't feel like earning more by pooping on the potty again. He doesn't care about pooping in his underwear. He doesn't care about sitting in poop or being smelly. He doesn't feel like earning more prizes no matter how much I hype them up (he doesn't know what they are, per the consultant's program). So he has no motivation to use the potty.

He also does have some fecal incontinence due to hypotonia (which he sometimes feels and sometimes doesn't) but that wouldn't matter that much if he actually wanted to be potty trained. If he were motivated we would focus on teaching him to wipe himself and he would just handle it and hopefully wouldn't need his para by next year and no one at school would even need to know anything.

I don't know how to get him to care. He's stubborn. He knows what he wants and what he doesn't want and he stands his ground. Giving him a haircut used to be a miserable full-day affair full of bribes and crying and whining. One day he just decided he was fine with it and now it's easy. We didn't actually do anything. Going to the dentist used to be an absolutely nightmare, he once bit my husband hard enough to draw blood. But one day he just decided he was fine with it and now it's easy. We didn't do anything to make it happen. Doctors appointments suddenly got easier, too. I know he can figure this one out too but I don't know how to get him there, not when every other thing has come from within for him and never been budged from without.

And I just feel completely lost and stuck. I want to give up but I can't because I have to convince a school to take him for next year. I want to give up but even his BFF is asking why he's still wearing pull-ups in that innocent-but-still-cruel way little kids have, and there are kids out there who are ready to be a lot less kind about something like this than his loudly curious BFF. I want to give up but when you're a parent you can't give up even when you feel like you've tried everything and spoken to everyone and no one quite seems to get it and no one seems to be going through quite the same thing and you have no idea what else to do.

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lucy90712 · 1 year ago

Note

joao fluff of him not being able to take away his gaze of reader when they first meet

WC: 2.2k

Warnings: google translated Spanish

Getting your dream job is exciting and also nerve wracking at the same time and that's exactly how I'm feeling this morning before my first day. A few weeks ago I interviewed for a job as part of the Chelsea media team not really expecting to get the job as I don't have much experience but to my surprise they actually offered me the job and now it's my first day. I have been a fan of the club for as long as I can remember and I've been going to matches since before I could pay attention for the full 90 minutes so to actually be working for the club feels so amazing. As much as I love the club the thought of actually meeting all of the players and actually interacting with them is almost making me nauseous as what if they hate me as then watching games would never be the same. Luckily for me they told me my first day was just going to involve a lot of meetings and sort of introductory work so I don't have to meet the players just yet.

Arriving at the stadium felt so surreal especially when I went in the door for all the staff and not just the regular way to the stands. Somehow the place seemed so much bigger when I went behind the scenes than it ever has when I came to watch a game. I had a meeting first thing this morning so I made sure to go in a little early as I knew I would get a bit lost and I did but one of the other staff members kindly told me where to go and I made it on time. There was a lot of people in this meeting that I hadn't met which meant that before we could start everyone had to introduce themselves which was as awkward as I was expecting it to be but it got it over with.

"Y/n can you stay behind for one minute please" my boss said as the meeting ended

"Is everything alright?" I asked

"Yes everything is fine it's just something has come up and now the person who was supposed to be doing filming with the players today won't be there and as you are part of the media team I need you to head to the training ground to take over" he explained

"Oh um ok" I replied not really knowing what to say

"All of the players already know when they are filming and the cameras are already set up all you need to do is be there and oversee everything I have the document with what the video is supposed to be about which I will email to you right now" he said

"Thank you I will head over there right now" I said

"Oh and y/n don't worry all of the players are lovely if you just tell them it's your first day they will be understanding" he said

With that I headed back out to my car and drove to the training ground which luckily isn't far away so it only took me a few minutes. Those few minutes were more than enough to make me incredibly nervous. I hadn't mentally prepared myself for meeting the players today as I thought my first day was just going to be in the office which means I don't know what I'm supposed to say to them. Do I introduce myself or while they not care? Will they even notice that I'm new I mean they are so busy with other things surely they don't pay attention to each person who makes them do media. There's no time to worry about all of that now though as I need to get my job done as I don't want to make a bad impression on my first day.

When I made my way in all of the cameras were there but they weren't actually set up so I dropped my stuff in the corner of the room and began setting up the cameras and the microphones as those weren't ready to go either. As I was setting up I heard people enter the room but I didn't pay any attention as I just wanted to get the cameras ready so that the videos didn't turn out awful. When I finally looked back up I almost fainted as the 3 players I was filming with had already arrived. I didn't even want to know how long they had been watching me press buttons and completely ignore them so I put that out my mind and just decided to try and start over by introducing myself.

"Hey guys I'm y/n it's my first day today so I'm going to apologise in advance for anything that goes wrong" I said

"Welcome to the team" Broja said

"Don't worry about things going wrong the longer this takes the more training we miss" Madueke laughed

With them was Joao Felix who's on loan from Atletico Madrid but he was stood completely still and didn't say anything. As he stood there looking slightly bewildered I wondered if he understood what I said so I tried to remember the bit of Spanish I know as I thought he would understand that better than English.

"Si necesita que le traduzca algo hágamelo saber y haré todo lo posible" I said as clearly as I could (If you need me to translate anything for you let me know and I'll try my best)

"gracias pero debería estar bien" Joao replied (thanks but I should be ok)

After I explained what we were doing I got all the cameras recording and we all sat down. It took a minute for everyone to get comfortable including me as it's my first time doing this but when we did it was actually really fun. The guys did most of the work joking about with each other and being competitive even though it's only a silly game. Throughout filming I noticed that Joao kept staring at me in fact he barely took his eyes off me which had me feeling a bit flustered but I did my best to hide it at least from the camera. Once we finished filming I went to turn the cameras off and grab the sd cards which meant I was completely in my own world as I heard murmuring in the background.

Joao's POV

Out of everyone they could get for us to do media with the had to go and find the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and of course I had to make a fool out of myself in front of her. When she introduced herself all I could do was stare as my brain couldn't process how beautiful she was and what she was saying at the same time. Instead of being a normal person and just saying hi no words came out of my mouth so she started speaking in Spanish instead which made things 10 times more awkward as I know English and understood everything she said the first time. Hearing her trying to speak Spanish just to help me only made her more attractive to me as it means she's kind as well as beautiful. To make things less awkward I replied in Spanish and then we just got on with filming.

Usually doing this sort of thing isn't my favourite thing about the job but today I actually wanted to spend as much time filming as possible. You could tell that y/n was a little nervous as it took her a few tries to do the intro properly but she quickly became more confident and we got into our stride with the video. The entire time we were filming I couldn't help but stare at her as she's just so mesmerising when she speaks and when she laughs she just looks so cute especially when her nose scrunches up slightly. Having her doing the video made it so much more fun and I was more relaxed than I usually am as I wanted to show her more of my personality instead of being awkward and quiet.

When we finished with the video she got up and started doing whatever she has to do but the second she turned away I felt an elbow in my side and laughter from both the guys. When I looked at them they started making fun of me by doing hearts with their hands and wiggling their eyebrows in suggestive ways. I knew it was coming as I was never going to get away with what happened earlier without them making fun of me for it but I was hoping they would at least wait until she wasn't in the room and could see what they were doing.

"So what do you think of the new girl?" Noni asked clearly teasing me

"She's alright" I replied trying not to give in

"Oh come on man you literally couldn't speak to her and I don't think you took your eyes off her for two seconds" Armando said

"I mean yeah she's beautiful but please be quiet she's right there" I whisper yelled back at them

"Aww does Joao not want to be embarrassed in front of the girl he likes" Noni laughed

By this point there was not stopping them they were just going to keep going so I walked away from them to go and talk to y/n to try and get some of my pride back.

Your POV

As I was trying to pack stuff away I felt a slight tap on my shoulder which made me jump a bit so I turned around only to see Joao. He smiled at me and offered to help me which I appreciated but there wasn't much he could do a I was just downloading the footage so I can begin editing it as that's one of my main jobs. Seeing as Joao was kind enough to check on me I showed him a bit of the editing process and he was amazed at how much work it takes just for one video. Together we watched some of the footage to know if it needed cutting out or if it should be kept but instead of paying attention we were just laughing at some of the outtakes which weren't necessarily that funny but once we started laughing we couldn't stop.

After some time I realised the other boys had left and it was just me and Joao which I quite enjoyed as I'd like to spend more time with Joao. Thinking about Joao honestly has me torn as there's no denying that he's an attractive guy and I think we get on well but at the same time I just got this job and he's new to the team so being anything more than friends probably isn't the best idea. That being said right now I just want to get to know Joao to see if in the future my mindset changes. Although I was supposed to be working more of my time was spent talking with Joao as he was asking me questions about my life and getting to know more about me outside of my job. In my experience the people I work with usually don't care about who I am as they are just there to do their part of the job and then go home so it was really nice that Joao seemed to care about who I am as a person.

We spent hours sat together talking as I edited which I probably should've done back in my office but I was enjoying myself and plus my boss wouldn't mind as long as I get the work done. It was only when I got a text and looked at my phone that I noticed the time and it was almost the end of my hours so I saved the video and started shutting down my laptop. As I was gathering my things Joao was kind enough to go and grab my bag so I could put them away. I almost didn't want to leave but at some point I have to go home as I have my own life to live plus I have to come back to work tomorrow morning.

"Have we really been here that long" Joao questioned as he looked at his phone

"Apparently so" I said

"Thank you for making my first day so fun" I said

"There's no need to thank me I'm glad I could make your day so enjoyable I remember my first day with the club was so fun so I'm happy to do that for someone else" Joao said

"Well you succeeded I've never had this much fun at a job" I said

"Before you go I have to ask if you would like to go out for drinks with me later" he said

"I would love to" I replied without giving myself time to think

"Great can I have your number so I can text you later?" He asked

I gave him my phone to put his number and then we parted ways to get into our cars. I didn't leave right away as I was trying to process everything that just happened. While thinking I caught myself smiling which means any reservations I held earlier I think have gone out the window because as much as this is my dream job Joao might be my ideal boyfriend and to me that's more important than a job.

#joao felix #joao felix imagines #joao felix imagine

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yourstrulyarrow · 6 months ago

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i'm gonna get no responses to this but if anyone reads this and likes giving advice PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

so i just finished my GCSEs, and i can't decide which school i want to do A-levels at (for non-brits: did qualifications after turning 16, U minimum grade, 4 pass grade, 9 max grade. i can't decide what school to go to for my pre-uni qualifications). doing psychology, biology, maths, and further maths.

OPTION A: my current school. i'm pretty out about being trans, and although i went around asking teachers to use different pronouns for me 2-3 years ago, most don't because they keep forgetting (i don't pass, and the picture of me on the school register they see every day is when i was 11 and very fem-presenting). i have 1 teacher that uses they/them for me (i only use he/him pronouns, they/them is ok because it's not she/her, but i don't like it much). they were okay with my name change, but my school email has my deadname's initial since you can't change an email. i haven't gotten a response yet about whether i can have a new email for sixth form (i'll update when i do). they have zero clue what a trans person even is, they "officially" think i'm non-binary (i'm not, i'm a binary trans guy) but zero teachers were informed of this hence the issue with pronouns. my head of year didn't know i'm trans, and he was awkwardly trying to not offend me by "not assuming" i'm trans. i've been there 5 years and i generally have not had a very nice time, BUT they did let me use the disabled changing room rather than forcing me to go with the girls or the guys back when PE was mandatory (in year 11 they let everyone change in the toilets/whenever during lunch, so no issues there). they're understanding and sympathetic i think, just a bit ignorant. they refused to let teachers sign my deed poll to avoid "getting between [me] and [my mum]", despite using my preferred name in all correspondence anyways (so if there was a problem they would know... ironically all correspondence misgenders me). they give year 12s/13s detentions (which i disagree with... if a sixth former is late or doesn't do their homework that is THEIR PROBLEM and they should be left to deal with the consequences. if they're not responsible enough...), don't let sixth formers attend only for lessons (i.e. 8:30am start even if you don't have lessons until 9:50am or 11:30am, can't leave if you don't have a lesson. can leave for lunch but not break, and only once you gain permission). their school counsellor found about about my mother's abuse of me, and decided to get a social worker called to my house, creating huge problems for me, and when the social worker decided the situation was "resolved", she decided to send the document with EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT MY ABUSIVE MOTHER... *TO MY MOTHER*. it was hideous. i really really like the maths teacher here, the way he explains things is top-tier, but i'm not guaranteed to get him. i'm attached to the psychology teacher (and she's very lovely, i've had issues with splitting where i swap between "she's my mother" (positive, as in "i wish i was her kid") and "she's the worst teacher and a backstabber i hate her". but after some careful analysis i was greatly overreacting, she's amazing). i like my biology teacher (also not guaranteed to get him, he's very nice though and he likes me and is supportive of me being trans!!). they also have 1 trans teacher (i think he does maths) who could be helpful to me when i do my EPQ, as i'm definitely going to do it on some kind of transgender topic. i'd also have already-established friends, i'm okay with most of the girls with my year but a lot of the guys don't like me much (trans and i was very annoying when i was 11 and they never forgave me). the guys who are chill with me are mostly going to option c school :(

OPTION B: school near-ish me with same sort of grades as current school. they're about the same grades-wise and in terms of oxbridge offers (i want to go to cambridge). their psychology spec is the same as my gcse psychology spec, which you'd think is a net positive but oh dear lord it is so boring. i don't want to re-learn some gcse content. we had our induction day and i don't like the psychology teacher :(. also i got called out for being autistic as fuck (not diagnosed, but peer-reviewed) in our induction day session because she made us do a thing about recognising facial expressions and i got it completely wrong. it made me feel really shit and stupid because i'm not diagnosed or anything ://. i also don't really vibe with the biology teacher, the maths teacher seems chill though. this school is a LOT bigger than my current, and they have a whole separate building/cafeteria/etc. for sixth formers. good because it means i dont have to see the little kids but also there's wayyy more people, kinda scary :/. also i have 1 friend who says she'll go to either option a or b depending on where i go so we can be together (if i choose option c, she'll go to a as one of our other friends is going to a). they have really good lab facilities for the sciences though so i'm not sure?? also public transport is better to there, but distance is similar to option a. big thing for me driving me to consider this school is they have a "transition policy" for trans kids, they know what transgender means, they have a whole system, they understand having the wrong name on exams and stuff can be distressing, etc etc.

option c: amazing school, slightly far. ok so omg i REALLYREALLY want to go to c but the problem is my first mock grades weren't good enough :(( 999988876 + L2D (btec is in business). in last mock, i got 999999996 + L2D. also a distinction in english speaking. so clearly i'm academically capable enough to go there, right?? the 6 is in art, i recently got my raw mark back and it's an 8 (1 mark off a 9). my coursework for business i got 107/120, that's not amazing but i think i can maybe maybe get a L2D* in it anyways? they don't have a very casual atmosphere, it's very much study study study, but i don't mind because the school gets such amazing grades. really good maths department, but they make kids learn all of maths a-level in year12 and then all of fm a-level in y13 (if doing both), treating it as 1 combined a-level. routinely 20+ oxbridge offers every year. a few of my friends are going to option c as well, including a guy who got about the same grades as me in the first mock but lives closer so he got n offer :(. no policies on trans kids so i don't know how they are in this regard. i don't have an offer for this school, i'm on the waitlist, but ppl who got rejected were told if they email on results day with much higher outcome grades than their application, they can get in (subject to spaces left). so there's a small chance if i get all 9s and an 8 or something maybe i can go there??? i'd have to basically get on my knees and beg though.

so anyways, option a, b, or c, and why??

#advice #sixth form #transgender #college #send help #school #gcse student #gcses 2024 #a levels #please help me #i need advice #desperately

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domesticadventures · 2 months ago

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i've decided once again not to respond to my former boss's insane emails, though before i deleted this new one i did forward it to some of the other folks at the firm who used to work with her as well, and it's unsurprising but still gratifying to hear them echo my own sentiments, which are basically that her email was incredibly arrogant and gives the impression that she still completely lacks any sense of self-awareness and over the past 5 years has not managed to look inward literally at all lol.

the first paragraph of her most recent missive was her apologizing but gave the impression that she didn't understand exactly what she was apologizing for. like she clearly understands i'm angry with her but still doesn't seem to understand why i'm angry. and like yeah there are the various things she did that one could (and which i did) find morally/ideologically repugnant, as i touched on here, but if i'm being honest with myself, what was actually more upsetting were the more mundane things she did that just affected me personally, as i alluded to here.

like the stuff with my sister - i believe in the absolute right to abortion despite my personal offense at her saying to me, a person whose sister has downs, that she would have aborted a kid simply because they had downs, but what actually made me so angry that i was shaking was her confident statement to a coworker that i just "didn't understand about the loss of expectations" despite the gap between expectations and reality being a pretty significant source of strife in my family. the moment that i describe in this post - the one where i sat on my mom's lap and cried and begged her not to leave - remains one of my clearest memories from that time, more than 25 years later.

and then of course just the daily annoyances that came with working with her. i remember in the last couple years, we would meet as we always had to go over her cases and i would wind up having to repeat things, no joke, sometimes 4 times because she was distracted playing on her phone. and it's not that she was doing anything important - she was like, scrolling fucking facebook and instagram. so one time i called her out on it, and she said something to the effect of "if you're going to be like that, i have other things i can be doing," which was of course fucking stupid because i was out-billing her at like a 2:1 ratio at the time, what did she have to be doing that was more important than going over her cases so i could keep her whole stupid practice running? anyway. she subsequently promised to be better about it and then almost immediately broke that promise and then acted like i was being unreasonable when i got annoyed about it. her promises are literally not worth the breath it takes to speak them lol.

or even like, there was one day where i was busting my ass because it was the biggest deadline day of the month for the type of law she was practicing at that point, and while i was frantically trying to get everything done in time, she was sitting in her office with her spouse loudly making vacation plans.

and the rest of the email was like - i mean it's the same shit it's always been, which is her being unable to view other people through any lens other than that of what they can do for her. she's sorry if she hurt me! she wants so badly to work with me again! she misses my wit and my good work! she wants to have a relationship with me again whether personal or professional! love and light but my life has gotten massively better since i moved halfway across the country and broke off all contact with her lol.

anyway. it's weird because in reading her recent email, which also included some personal updates, i was reminded that i didn't always feel this way about her. i mean, i know that at one point i loved her - it's documented in my posts on this very blog - but whatever affection i felt towards her has been so layered over with [gestures] everything else that at this point i can no longer touch it. nowadays i only know what it feels like to be alternately angry with / disappointed in / sad for her. the last one is more recent and has come as somewhat of a surprise. i guess it's just that it seems like being her must be exhausting (she always reminds me of the ending of gone girl - "every morning you have to wake up and be you"). i do genuinely hope, in spite of all prior evidence and experience, that she someday manages to change for the better. i just don't plan to be a part of that process, lol.

#the icing on the cake i think is that in offering me a job (again: lmfao) she didn't even make me a better offer than what i have now #like at least when my current firm poached me they had the decency to offer me a sizeable raise lol #wonder how it feels to have failed to poach me from the same firm not once but twice. hopefully bad!

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artsekey · 2 years ago

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Companies I've Applied To

I figured that as I embark on my quest to Get Hired, I should probably document the process for both myself and for others who are trying to get their foot in the door for industry work.

For context (and for those of you who don't know), I have a Bachelor's of Fine Art in Emerging Media: Character Animation and an Master's of Fine Art in Animation and VFX. I graduated in spring of 2022 after completing a fully independent short film, and have been working as a "visiting lecturer" at my University ever since.

My Employment History

When you're looking to get hired, your past work experience matters... a lot. Because of how intense my Undergrad/Graduate programs were, I didn't have a lot of time to cultivate my portfolio or bolster my resume. Getting hired by the University right out of college was a huge relief, but it doesn't tick that pesky "2+ years of Industry Experience" or "At least 1 AAA Game Shipped" prerequisite on most job postings.

With that in mind, I'm doing my best to push for the "or equivalent experience" caveat.

What I Do:

I've mentioned this a few times on this blog, but my professional focus is in 3D character modeling, rigging, groom, and sim. In the art field, this is usually considered a technical job, and from what I understand the market for tech is usually a little less competitive than the market for modeling/animation.

So, with all that out of the way, let's get to it!

DreamWorks:

I sent in my application for Character Tech Anim about three days after the posting opened. They had their own hiring website through nbcUniversal. I'd gone through the process before with internships, so it was pretty painless! It's a remote position, which is huge, and the salary would be competitive with the one I have now as long as I can stay remote.

Biggest con in my application is that I'm still missing Python proficiency. I'm learning it right now, but god damn is it an in-demand skill!

It's a job I'd love to get, and I think my skills in rigging/groom/sim line up well.

Process Pros:

Easy to apply.

Clear (and reasonable!) qualifications listed for the job level.

Honest about expectations regarding overtime and hours.

Allowed PDF uploads of CV & Resume.

Sent a confirmation email after the application had been received.

Had a section for "Additional Comments", which was a great place for me to throw in that I'm learning some of the skills they want.

Process Cons:

Likely will not receive a rejection notice in the event they decide not to hire. This isn't a huge con; the studio is massive and sending out rejection notices would be a time sink for them.

Advertised working weekends and overtime in the listing... definitely something I'll ask about if I move forward in the process. Work/life balance is important!

Had to enter my resume information and upload my resume. :(

Result: Too Soon to Tell

Gearbox:

I sent in my application for Technical Animator (Character Rigger) about two weeks after the listing was posted. They had their own hiring website. This is a hybrid position, which wouldn't be ideal, but a friend of a friend works remotely for them, so maybe it's negotiable?

Biggest con in my application is, yet again, that I'm still missing Python proficiency and tool dev experience. Learning it now!

I was missing a lot of the credentials on this one, so it's more of a hail-Mary application.

Process Pros:

Easy to apply.

Clear (and reasonable!) qualifications listed for the job level.

Allowed PDF uploads of CV & Resume.

Sent a confirmation email after the application had been received. Seems to promise a prompt response, which means I can likely expect a notice of rejection if they choose not to hire.

Company culture seems extremely reasonable and employee health is a priority.

Process Cons:

May have to relocate if hired.

Result: Too Soon to Tell

Aquent:

Honestly... no idea what was happening here. It was for a character rigging position, but it seems like it might've been for a broader hiring agency?

Process Pros:

Allowed PDF upload of CV and Resume.

Process Cons:

Had to apply for the job and make a separate account on their website to set up the application.

Confusing website.

Had to upload resume and then type up the resume again.

No place for a CV for the specific role.

Honestly, I'm not sure what company this went to.

Result: Too Soon to Tell

Steamroller:

Local studio that I've seen a lot of people go into! Applied for a rigging position in their animation department. Hybrid and remote are both an option for me!

Process Pros:

Allowed PDF upload of CV and Resume.

Easy to apply!

Received a confirmation email.

Credentials were clear and well listed; I matched most of the requirements.

Competitive salary! :)

Flexible work methods.

Allowed me to link to my website AND upload a static portfolio, which I love.

Process Cons:

Likely will not receive a rejection notice should they choose not to hire.

Result: Rejected (03/21/2023)

BonusXP:

Can't speak about the process much on this one! They have a rolling, general application process which means I just send in an email and if a job comes up, they'll let me know. Feels straightforward and simple. :)

Result: Too Soon to Tell

#job hunt

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tdmtdmtd · 1 year ago

Text

COOLMATH GAMES ARG

yes, you read that right, that one website you used to use during school has an ARG in progress. I only found this out yesterday thanks to a TikTok by six1four7

so naturally I went to the cmg website to see if it was true and sure enough

The website has cracked and clicking on it takes you to this webpage

There is a chance you click it and go to the URL /where-am-i where the page name is changed and a title is added

Decoding the Morse and the Polybius give the same phrase: IMLOST.

Decoding the binary you get

Hello? Can you hear me?

I'm looking for someone.

I hear strange noises.

Please, help me.

So without knowing what to do, I think of FNaF and check the code of the page to find nothing. So I go back to TikTok and look for the CoolMath Games ARG. Only finding three other videos, and one of them had an idea

Nat here decided to check the CMG Instagram, which is the only place that covers what's happening to the website. So, checking the Instagram, turns out this started October 17th with a post about finding an old folder in the office next to them. I can't show it because I used my video on the TikTok from earlier, but I have screenshots from the files within the video.

The rest are printed out emails I didn't feel like trying to get screenshots of, so if you want to, go for it.

From these documents, we find that CMG was working on a project #675,

"It's a fun, classic game players would love", "The main character would be... in a world of black and white."

They wanted to give the game some color, but had trouble lighting it up. They wanted to add a monster to the game, that would take place in a forest, with a child protagonist. The game planned to have balloons and puzzles related. The game was in fact finished, however the developer didn't want to take out something the team wanted to get rid of, so the team scrapped the project and moved onto another developer.

After the list of emails, there are some screenshots of the game.

However, I want to focus on the page with the text "can not proceed", if you don't recognize the face in there, that is the monster from the CMG version of hangman. Now I've been trying to connect the dots of this game to hangman for you, but if you don't see the similarities, don't worry, we'll get to that later. Because the next day, we got another update.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Coolmath Games (@coolmathgames)

instagram

And the next day

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Coolmath Games (@coolmathgames)

instagram

And the next day...

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Coolmath Games (@coolmathgames)

instagram

And then some time goes by with nothing. And by some time I mean three days. Then we get a crack

Hell, even earlier today there was another update. The prototype is still there in the dropbox.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Coolmath Games (@coolmathgames)

instagram

Got all that? Great! Now I wanna show you the connections from this to CMG Hangman.

In CMG Hangman, you play as a child in a black and white forest with faded balloons. It is labeled as a classic where you solve the puzzle

And when you start the game, you encounter not just a monster, but the same monster from earlier.

My prediction is that the game in the ARG is an "earlier" version of Hangman. But I didn't have much else to solve or do, so bored, I decided to play the game pinned on the insta, not thinking of anything.

Everyone meet Coolmath Games: The Game (spoiler warning, good game go play!)

The story goes as follows. You, an intern, are arriving at your first day in the CMG office. After giving everyone smoothies brought to you from the Hangman kid something goes wrong and the game the team was planning to launch later explodes with game fragments going everywhere. It's up to you to grab at least 3 fragments and put together a game of your own. The way you do that is by doing puzzles around the office. One of those puzzles is somewhat 3D and well, it looks like this:

what's interesting is that this puzzle is right in completed right next to Vicky, the one controlling social media for CMG

Does that face look familiar, it's Maddy, the one who found the prototype. But hey maybe it's nothing I mean you are allowed to use a cartoon version of yourself as your profile picture sure, and maybe they weren't allowed to use real names in the game. Sure. But then we go to the story of the game over on Cleo's computer, and when you ask for the name of the game, you get this.

And since it's a text game, I'm just gonna type out the important part of the game out on here instead of using screenshots.

You find yourself in a small, dark cabin. A pervasive smell of pine and mud fills your nostrils, and a sharp, cold wind crashes against the rickety windows. Behind you is a hallway, on your right is a hatch leading to the basement, and in front, the main entrance. (main entrance > start walking > head left > Camp out here. It's better than that creepy cabin) You set Camp - leaning up against a sturdy oak, your legs pulled up into your jacket. You slowly allow yourself to fall asleep, only to awaken in a familiar place... [you're back at the cabin]

The second page of the first Instagram post says as follows:

"The developer decided it would be fun to 'punish' the player for not exploring the different routes. If the player decides to always take the middle routes, they will get no puzzles."

To me the fact that these two things are so close together feel important, and, but maybe the game is unrelated, but this is where I am now. Sitting in my bedroom at 2:48am, finally finishing this long text post about the Coolmath Games ARG, asking for help solving it. If there's another update later today, I'll update my post, most likely by reblogging it or making a new post and linking this. Who knows.

#tdmtdmtd #coolmath games #coolmath games arg #arg #cool math games #long post #i went insane making this #this took a lot longer to make this post than i thought it would #alternate reality game

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mariacallous · 1 year ago

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Now that I'm home, face wiped off, bra off, changed into pajamas, let me tell you about this dogshit meeting.

First, some context: I've mention our overall team director, the one who's been on vacation for easily a month and a half of the total time I've been working for the city (since the end of Feb) and who also as a Reasonable Accommodation to work from home outside of the permitted 2 days per our union and the pilot program the city launched so some weeks she's literally only in the office one day, and then she has so many meetings it's hard to actually discuss anything. She shifts meetings and calendar events all the time.

She is constantly unprepared for meetings - emails sit for months and documents and memos also linger - and she's not only always talking about how overwhelming her email is, but she lets people know *in the meetings* that she is *just at that moment* reading the email or document being discussed.

My boss and I have sent several items to her that didn't get any responses (unless and until we cornered her in the office when she's in the office) and on that Big Project I'm still technically waiting to hear whether it's moving forward, she's been a bigger obstacle to our making progress and doing things than both NYC OMB and the budget and migrant crises, which is saying something. She's one of the biggest reasons why we've had to keep adjusting our plans and the work we're trying to do and she keeps either not paying attention or not being clear with us so we're constantly struggling. It's to the point where our other agency partners are openly asking me "Do you even want to work on this? Are you actually prioritizing this? It's a little ridiculous that we have other offices and divisions asking us to participate and you all keep holding things up and not doing anything".

All this to say that today was our monthly coordinating meeting with two of our key other partners in the agency. We have a lot of projects or topics that we needed to discuss and make decisions on.

Things get kicked off with the bulk of one of the other partner teams not being available, so we were initially going to try to shift some things. Then we got someone and could move forward with the original agenda/list of topics.

Y'all...she was the one who put the agenda together. And she made it very clear that she had basically not read or ignored the email (which I flagged for her! Yesterday!) that the other partner team's lead had sent with all of the details. So she was asking for him to provide and go over stuff that is not only in the email, which I flagged, but which is also now at least a month old from when it was originally sent. And we didn't make a decision. She and I apparently are going to "discuss" this and "get some insight" from program teams in our office/division and then come back.

We then moved on to the next topic, and she was a little incoherent and mentioned the memo that I and my boss and another coworker put together which she has decided now needs to go to senior leadership and which she is editing. A memo that was sent to her *in July*, I want to emphasize. And, again, no decision.

The next topic was The Big Project. And the other team's lead directly asked "Have you guys done anything like we discussed?" and she floundered and I had to jump in and tell him what I'd told him separately, which is no, because we'd been told we were waiting for xyz from senior leadership and so nothing has moved forward except the draft stuff I sent to senior leadership a few weeks ago. And then my boss mentioned the changes we'd made and my boss completely, again, either hadn't paid attention to the emails or wasn't agreeing with us and hadn't let us know until then so she started trying to go back on things and make further changes and I almost lost my shit but fortunately I was muted on the call so no one heard me.

And now tomorrow my boss has scheduled a meeting with me, her, and the overall team director to make sure we're all on the same page. I told my boss that I'm hesitant at this point because of the issues we've had with the director and the other obstacles involved. I also flat out said "If she could read her email and be prepared in advance, it would help. Because this was embarrassing."

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thessalian · 8 months ago

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Thess vs "Little" Extras

So once again, work is seismic levels of bullshit.

We weren't doing too badly - just about caught up, in fact. This is despite the fact that every single last one of the little fuckers I work with keep leaving me with the problem dictations. So I get all the placentas (and The Placenta Guy is working overtime at the moment, damn near literally), all the bowel resections (dictated by people who either dictate too fast, speak with a difficult accent, dictate a report full of grammatical errors, or all of the above), and all the ones by the various newbies who either haven't figured out that maybe switching off the recording while you're taking measurements would be a good idea so that a typist doesn't have to sit through 10-15 seconds of silence between each measurement, have no idea how block keys work, or both. This is my main annoyance. I may have little snippets designed to make typing the stuff The Placenta Guy throws at me a little easier, but that shouldn't be an excuse to throw all of them at me. And yes, I know they do this to me specifically because when I see the queue get larger and look over, I see stuff that was put into the queue before any of the stuff in mine, put there by someone who picked it up out of the queue and decided they didn't want to do it so put it back.

(At least they seem to have figured out that if they're going to pull that shit on me, they should take some of the bullshit from The Breast Guy off my hands.)

Anyway, today all the doctors doing dictation a) came in somewhere in the middle of the day, b) dictated their asses off, and c) dumped the typing into the queue in big blocks of 20+ reports at a go. So you can imagine that even working flat-out, our queue went from mid double figures to low triple figures and we couldn't whittle it down. So that's a mess to look forward to come Tuesday - especially given that they seem to have been coming in on weekends lately, too. I heard talk in our last staff meeting (our first staff meeting, really) that we were looking for a new staffer. That was months ago and I have, of course, heard jack squat. So this is fun.

So in the middle of all this - dealing with all the fiddly frustrating bits of typing that no one wants to do - I get an email from Scruffman, my manager. He's apparently supposed to be writing a Standard Operating Procedure document for the department. Thing is, he's not writing it. Apparently he either can't be arsed or doesn't know what our SOP actually is. Because he asks me if I can write a step-by-step SOP guide to the typing so he can put it in his document. That's ... it. No details. So, grumbling because I am busy actually doing the SOP he's asking me to put down on 'paper', I put together a bullet-pointed list and go, "Is that the sort of thing you were after?" He says yes. I think that's done.

Nope. Then he emails me back going, "So could you grab some screenshots, and put that and your list together as a Word document?"

...I really want to know why he asks me to do the fiddly shit. I'd feel a lot better about it if he told me that it's because I'm one of the most competent people in the department instead of just dumping it on me without any sort of comment, which generally leaves me to think that he picks me for this shit because I'm the one that won't complain at him.

Anyway, I tell him I don't actually have Word on my work laptop. I don't use Word at work. (Hell, I don't use Word at home; I have OpenOffice). But, because I do believe in actually doing my fucking job, I tell him that the only way I could do it is if I took the screenshots, emailed them to myself, and did it on my home computer.

To which he says, "Great; Tuesday's fine. Thanks!"

Now I'm trying to figure out whether I want to start late or leave early on Tuesday because there is no way I'm doing that shit unpaid. Thankfully, I know for a fact that Scruffman would never expect me to (he told me to log out early when I spent 15 minutes of my own time filling out my staff evaluation form, and this is far more delineated as 'work') so that's fine. Thing is, we're getting to a point where I don't know how much we can afford to have me off doing something else. I am the one person in the fucking department who doesn't dodge any work that might be deemed 'difficult' or 'annoying' or 'something they just don't want to do'.

Anyway, after all this, I have to leave the house. Enough groceries to tide me over until the monthly Big Shop can be delivered, and pain meds. It's been a rough week and I keep getting migraine stabs. It's not fun.

#Thess has a day job

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pbandjesse · 11 months ago

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I'm sitting in the ER. This is not how I thought today was going to go.

I shouldn't be to terribly surprised. I slept horribly. Like I was so excited to sleep in our new house. We already ran into a homeowner problem and our shower won't get hot. Fixable but something we couldn't deal with last night. We each took room temperature showers and went to sleep.

I was tossing and turning a lot last night. My breathing was bad. I was wheezing a lot. And my throat hurts so bad. Every time I swallow I grimace. It was pretty terrible. But that didn't really dampen my excitement for being in our house.

I really love the placement of the bed. And when the sun rose it made the room glowy and warm.

But even though I was really happy about that I felt like garbage. I was trying to convince myself I was well so I could go to work. So through my grimacing I got dressed. And James made the bed. And James packed me a little lunch. And I thought about staying home. But instead James drove me to work.

We would stop for hash browns. That was painful to eat but tasted good.

When we got to camp I was very surprised to see that the office has a beautiful new red tin roof! Very cool! I would learn later that it took 3 days to install.

James was trying to be supportive but I was struggling talking and they were struggling to hear me and I kept having to repeat myself which was very painful and I was getting very upset. James would head out with the car to do some chores. We decided they would come back for me around lunch.

I would occupy the first hour with checking my emails. Drawing my sticker of the day. And working on my example document for my workshop this weekend. This was nice and I felt productive. Even if I physically felt really bad.

Sarah would come in soon and was sad to hear I wasn't feeling good. But her and everyone else was really excited to hear about our trip to Disney. Which I was excited to talk about despite it been a little painful to talk.

I would have a nice morning overall though.

I got to help with some stuff. Me and Sarah drove up to Yukon to measure mattress covers. Forgot the keys and the tape measure and had to go back down to the office. Oops.

I would also help Elizabeth compile wedding interest emails for 2025. I was struggling but at least I was doing stuff.

I had originally asked James to get me at 1. But around 11 I asked them to come at noon. But they misunderstood and said they had planned on leaving at noon. But they would split the difference and come at 1230 when it was realized the confusion.

I was so happy to see them. I was so excited to go home. It would take a while to get home. I was drifting off and my head my lolling all over the place.

When we got home I was surprised the house was a little smokey. James has burned some butter. But that was okay but didn't smell or anything. All I wanted was to lay down.

I had to put a few things away. But it didn't take long. James came and tried to baby me. Sweetp was there. I was so cold.

I got my light up mirror and looked in my throat and was surprised by how inflamed and swollen it was in there. I had spit up a little blood earlier. I was worried.

I don't like going to the doctor. I avoid it. I have no fears of the doctor but half the time when you go because you're sick they tell you fluids and bed rest. Duh. But this felt more serious. I asked James to call our PCP and ask what to do.

They told James to take me to urgent care. But I was so tired. We negotiated and decided I would sleep for one hour and then they could take me.

It was actually really good sleep. I didn't wake myself up a bunch. I was cold but James out a heating pad on me and I went right to sleep.

When I woke up I didn't want to be. I didn't want to go to the doctor. But James said we had to.

I filled my new diet coke cup with water. My throat hurts so bad but I thought it would help sooth it a little. James would run around the house for a bit because they couldn't find their keys (had fallen into a shoe??) And I sadly sat in my studio until they were ready to go.

They were really nice at patient first. We didn't have to wait to long. They did a bunch of tests on me. No strep or COVID. But the nurse kept going "oh honey..." When she looked in my throat. The doctor who came back to look at me said he thinks it's an abscess and if it gets worse it could close off my airway. Terrifying. I was very close to tears.

They told me I needed to go to the ER. I did not want to do that. But he insisted. So after taking my blood and winding my white blood count was elevated, James would drive me to the ER.

And that's where I am now. With a dying phone. I am also super hungry. I'm going to wait to post this and update it as the night goes on. We have been here a while now, and will continue to be for a lot longer I'm sure. There's 50 people here at least. And it's been very confusing but at least every staff member has been so nice.

We are still waiting. I'm considering asking James to take me somewhere else. But a sweet boy just bought a pizza and shared with a few people who have been stuck here for hours. He's refusing money because he believes the karma will come back to him. What a sweet heart.

After someone who came in right after us was told there was still 50 people ahead of him we started calling other hospitals. We left Bayview and went to Union memorial around 8. And while it's much smaller and quieter, it is also full. And tensions are high?? Two people have stormed out. One girl has been verbally accosting the security guard. Like we're going to get seen eventually. At least it's quieter.

Progress! After an hour wait we have made it to a room! I am very excited to be laying down.

Someone has come back to speak to me. And she does not think it's an abscess that will choke me. But she is concerned. And it looks like I may be out on steroids but I am waiting to hear more. I am absolutely exhausted. I cannot wait to go home. I hope it's soon.

So after a bit more waiting (and my phone dying) they declared that because both of my tonsils are swollen it is not an abscess and I just have tonsillitis. An infection. They gave me steroids, a very strong ibuprofen, and a drinkable lidocaine and I already feel a lot better. My heart rate was high so they wanted me to sit and drink water to get it to calm down.

Taking the lidocaine helped but it was horrific to take. It was like a jelly and I gagged and almost threw up. I did warn everyone before hand because I knew that would happen. But at least it helped quickly and I don't feel like I'm drowning anymore.

We were free to go after they checked my heart again. And I was thrilled.

We just got home and I'm charging my phone. Im going to wash my face and James is going to bring me ice cream. And then hopefully I can just fall asleep.

I already let Alexi know I wouldn't be in work tomorrow. And James took off too. So I get to be babied a bit tomorrow. And I'm hoping that I can just feel better. Do some drawing. And rest.

I hope your night wasn't as eventful. I love you all. Goodnight

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