#been listening to it through the pandemic

[itsstrange]

A Little Bit Warmer

Fandom: MW, MW2, MW3

Relationship: Zombie Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley x Reader

A/N: I’ve Had This Idea Since Zombie Ghost Was First Introduced But Never Got Around To Officially Write It Down, But Now, IT’S OFFICIALLY HERE!! Had So Much Fun Writing This One.

Also, This Will Definitely Be A Mini Series! Another Thing, This Was Also Semi Inspired By Warm Bodies. 🤗

{ANY WARNING TRIGGERS WILL BE POSTED IN THE BEGINNING IF THE STORY!}

Summary: Is It Possible That There Is Such Things As Miracles? Or Does A Cold Heart Eventually Finds Its Warmth?

Word Count: 12k

Warnings: (Yes) Mentions of Blood, Mentions of Murder, Slightly Graphic Content, Guns, Knifes, etc, Slow Burn, Fluff, Angst, Zombie Protective Ghost, Jealous Zombie Ghost, Eventual Smut,

Call Sign: Kali

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ENJOY! 💀🫶

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October 18, 2026

S.C.H.Q

23:00 pm

“How low are we?”

“Low. A lot of children and families are getting sick with this damn weather,”

“What about the emergency vault? I thought we did a big score not too long ago? Filled it up with supplies?”

“Like I said Lieutenant, a lot of children and families are getting sick. It’s spreading like wildfire. And fast. The medical ward is getting overwhelmed with people that they’re down to their last case of supplies,”

“Any casualties?”

The older man sighs, rubbing at his eyebrow, “One so far,”

Fucking great.

You sigh heavily. Leaning your exhausted body against the desk. It had been such a long couple days that the moment you finally arrived at base all you wanted to do was fall asleep for a week straight. You had gone out of the safe zone with a group to try and clear more sections of the city to keep it safe, to expand your community, to make more shelter considering it kept growing as the days went by. So after 8 days of being out of the safe zone, sleeping in uncomfortable conditions, killing herds of flesh eating Zeds, killing looters, you had successfully came back to base with great news. You and your team were able to successfully recover another hot zone, another great victory where everyone in your group made it back with no injuries. No bite marks.

Yet, despite the great news you had for your leader, bad news was landed on your shoulders once again. Fucking typical with this goddamn unit. You had barely gotten off the humvee when a soldier walked towards you with a message that you were needed in the Generals office. Which resulted in you standing near General Shepherds desk as you listened with exhausted eyes that threatened to close on you.

Your long term friend, teammate, partner in crime Phillip Graves stood beside you. His own exhaustion lingering on his stubble jaw.

“When are we heading out?” You ask after a heavy exhale, hands resting on your vest as you stare at the man in front of you,

“Tomorrow. 0500,” Well there goes my beauty sleep. “You and Graves along with the rest of your squad will head up North.”

You nod at the man. Taking in all the information given. It was nothing you’ve never done before, practically done it your entire life. First stop was to head over to Lincoln Grove, where a small downtown with multiple stores stood. You’ve raided most of the stores, but some still remained untouched so it was worth checking out. Main mission was to head further down, passing the barricades of the safe zone towards Red Lines where a hospital stood somewhere in the section.

Easy enough.

Only it wasn’t. Red Lines was known for its activeness of Zeds, Lurkers, runners and Ghouls. Ghouls were rare to be seen out in the city, they mostly hid where it’s dark so they can ambush anyone who pumps warm blood. But still, even they make random appearances during the day.

Red Lines was one of the most uncontrolled sections of the city, it wasn’t where the pandemic first hit, but it was where most of the population lost their lives. It remained untouched. Every time a group went through in hopes to control it, they never came back. Not a single soul in the group would make it back.

Unfortunately, Shepherd was a stubborn old dog and continued in trying to push out every infected there is to officially claim Red Lines. Why? Because he knew by owning Red Lines he’ll have higher authority when it came to medicine. His main goal was to claim that hot section just to control what comes in and out of the hospital.

And you knew he’d do anything to own it.

“Any questions?” Shepherd asks, eyes averting from you to the man beside you, when neither spoke up he nods his head before dismissing you both,

Without another word, just another exhausted sigh falling from your lips you walk out of the man’s office then down the hallways to get out of the building to get to your private quarters. Which really was a rundown apartment complex that was right across from the business building where Shepherd stood hid.

Fifth floor to be precise. Inside the biggest office there was.

Almost every soldier from Shadow Company lived in your apartment complex. Shepherds orders. Claimed his soldiers needed to be ready and alert for anything and everything. The actual truth you knew that he just didn’t want to admit to anyone or the civilians was, he simply wanted his soldiers closer to him for better and faster protection from anyone and anything that tries to threaten him.

The thought alone makes a loud scoff leave your lips as you walk down the stairs to the first floor. Graves, who was walking beside you and speaking to you the entire time—which you obviously weren’t paying attention to— sends you a look. Brows knitted together as you both make your way out the building.

“Somethin’ funny?”

You look over to him, eyes locking for a second before you avert them back in front of you as you push through the semi broken glass doors.

“Yeah. Funny how I thought I was gonna get a good nights sleep today,” You throw in a lie. Well.. not really,

Graves snickers at your words, placing an arm around your shoulders to tug you closer to his side as you both make your way to the apartments.

“Come on up to my room and I’ll give you a good nights sleep,” Graves purrs into your ear, a scoff leaving your lips as you shove him off you,

“In your wildest dreams Philip,” After so many years of working alongside the Texan man you’ve grown use to his flirtatious comments,

Philip Graves was a man known for his words. Especially when it came to luring woman into his bedsheets, something that personally makes an acid-like taste in your tongue at the thought of it. No matter how much you need to unwind or just forget about this shitty ass world for a few minutes, you will never accept his offer. You saw Graves as a close friend, a teammate, and surprisingly a brother. And you knew he knew that too, mostly because you have rejected him multiple times, but Graves was such a stubborn man that he didn’t take no as answer. Obviously he’ll never push it, once rejected always rejected, but that didn’t mean he’d try again every so often.

No matter how many disappointments you gave him after each rejection, he never once gave up.

You knew the man was a man-whore, never one to take a relationship serious, which is why you also declined his offer. Not that you’d ever want a relationship with him. Hell, the thought of possible being in a relationship with him only made you scrunch your face in disgust. He was a friend to you, nothing else.

“Oh (Y/n) (L/n) you fill my soul just a little more each day,” Says Graves, hand planted on his chest as he pouts his bottom lip at you,

“Good. Because one of us has to be the brightness in this friendship,” You give him a smile as you walk through the black gates of the apartment complex,

Other Shadow men and woman can be found passed the gates. Some spoke to one another in the lobby, sitting on the beaten down couch, smoking, drinking, eating, cracking jokes. The apartment was everyone’s safe space. Where they can unwind, relax after completing their tasks, sleep in their proper quarters before having to get up before or at crack of dawn to start their rounds once again. Although, since civilians keep joining the team and the apartments had limited rooms, some soldiers unfortunately had to bunk with other soldiers.

Thankfully, the higher the rank one was, the privilege they had in having their own rooms. Hence, you and Graves.

You both slept on the 7th floor. Overlooking the entire safe zone. Getting a perfect view of the once beautiful city of Chicago. Yet, despite the view and the single apartment you had, you still hated the fact that you had to climb seven flights of stairs to get to your door. It was times like these that you loathed living on the highest floor.

Your legs shook as you climbed the stairs, even considered asking Graves to piggyback you to your floor but you knew that man would you haunt with that memory till the day he dies. And you knew he wouldn’t stop there. As stubborn as that man is he’ll find you in the afterlife and torment you for existence.

So, with an annoyed huff you climbed the rest of the stairs till you made it to your door.

“See you in a few hours,” You hear Graves as he walks further down the hallway, not sparing him a glance you simply wave at him as you push open your door,

Your apartment was decent. Well.. decent as it’ll ever be in times like these. Once entering the small living space, a small hallway greets you with cracked walls, the paint chipping off on either side with smudges of dirt or mud. Once walking further into the home it looked… more decent. A broken tv hung on the wall next to some windows, which some were boarded up as they didn’t have a window— which you were in the process of fixing them somehow— next, there was a single beaten down brown love seat against the wall towards the entrance. A medium coffee table stood in front of the loveseat with your AR-15 leaning against it. Then a medium size generator leaning against the opposite wall where you hung a metal bat on the wall as some sort of prize.

As mentioned, the living room seemed a little more decent, the kitchen however was just a mess with your armory. Guns and cases of bullets engulfed the kitchen. You never made or ate your food in your apartment, you mostly ate at Taz’s Diner where everyone ate together. So it was pointless to have a kitchen when it was never used for cooking, so you made it into your armory instead.

Now going towards your room where you can rest was slightly in better shape. In the center of the room laid your king size bed— something that Graves personally found for you one day while out on patrol, the ever so kind man he was. Grey and orange bedsheets laid on top of the comforter, a brick wall stood behind the bed that had a couple shelves with multiple books. It was another way to destress yourself, minus the working out or going to kill some loitering Zeds, books has always been helpful. So you’d collect as many you can find, causing you to have a mess of stacked books on your shelves.

It surprises you how they’ve managed to hold on for this long or how they haven’t collapsed on you as you slept.

A few more trinkets can be found in your room that you’ve either found or was gifted by some close friends, close civilians or Graves.

You tried to limit your collections, only wanting to keep things that seemed important or useful, yet, books were the only exception.

A metal desk leaned against the wall across the bed. Maps, bullets, a couple parts from guns, dirty rags, tape, tools and markers were scattered on the desk. Then right next to it was your window to the view of the overrun city of Chicago. Some buildings and sections of the safe zone was brought back to life, small dimmed string lights can be seen from your room, then passed the safe zone remained the cold, dark side of Chicago. Every so often you sit on your window sill, cigarette in your mouth as you scan the view, the expanding life just a few floors down, then back to the destroyed city where your mind would often get trapped in the past. Remembering nightmares you wish would vanish from your mind, including the good memories.

They were nothing but pain. It was never good to remember the past, because it reminded you what you once had, what you lost. And those were the nightmares you tried avoiding.

So, shaking the thoughts away, you shrug off your tactical vest, your heavy boots, holsters, jacket, and your tactical belt before falling face first on your mattress. Causing the poor comforter to make a loud noise from the force fall, something you could care less at the moment, all you cared for was sleep.

Nightmares or not, you were getting your sleep.

****

October 19, 2026

S. C. H. Q

0430 am

“You seen Graves?” You ask a soldier, Portman, was his name, as he sat inside a humvee. He simply points in the direction of a tent,

“The General asked to speak to him,” The young soldier says,

With knitted brows you sip your warm, very warm coffee as you make your way towards the tent. Why would he ask for him? Is he changing the plans last minute? If so why weren’t I involved in the conversation? Question after question popped in your head as you make your way through other soldiers to get to the tent. However, just as you rounded the corner of other parked vehicles you hear faint, but loud enough whispers to know people were talking to one another. Your brows knit tighter once more, trying to figure out what was being said but before you can even walk inside, Troy— one of Graves’ idiotic friends who you loathed— steps outside. His face expression showing distaste when he meets your gaze. Yet, not a moment later Graves steps outside with an oddly distant look. Brows knitted together almost in a frown, however once his eyes land on you they instantly change. As if nothing happened.

Why the fuck was Troy apart of the conversation?

“There you are! Beginning to think I had to drag your ass out of bed,” He claims as he fixes his vest,

You give both men a wary look. Your eyes averting from them to the tent behind his shoulder.

“Everything okay?” Graves shakes his head with an annoyed look,

“Busting my balls it’s all,”

“Regarding?” You ask, brow slightly raised,

“None of your concern,” Troy comments, causing you to glare at him, yet before you can argue back Graves is pulling you away from him by wrapping an arm around your shoulders,

However, you still throw the piece of shit a raised finger as you’re forced to walk away.

As Graves lead you towards the trucks you asked again if everything was alright. You knew the General was a miserable old dog at times and would give shit to anyone he decided to target, so you knew what Graves felt at the moment. However, you couldn’t wrap your head around anything Graves has done wrong in the past few days or weeks. So it just seemed off.

“Don’t worry bout’ it sugar. It’s handled,” The man smirks down at you when he sees the way a mask of annoyance hovers over your face at his pet name,

Oh how he knew how much you loathed that pet name and oh how much he loved using it to simply get a rise out of you.

“You’re lucky I’m sleep deprived otherwise I’d toss this whole cup of coffee on you,” Your comment earns a loud chuckle from him,

“Thank god to your lack of sleep then,” He claims as he wraps an arm around your shoulders to lead you both towards the humvee’s where soldiers were loading in,

After another 5 to 10 minutes of briefing the soldiers of the mission, loading the trucks of empty duffle bags for medical supplies, checking and counting ammunition for every rifle, everyone began climbing into the trucks.

Once you checked your vest multiple times, checked each component, your extra magazines, your holsters, your combat knives that you had tucked behind your back, drank your cup of coffee before pouring another one, you finally climb into the passenger seat while Graves took the drivers side.

Once signaling the man you were ready, he shifts the gear before feeling the truck moving down the road. You stare out the window, watching kids wave goodbye as their parents stood right behind them, a small smile tugs on your lips as you notice their proud, wide smiles as they wave goodbye. Yet, your heart also gets pulled on by sadness at the fact they are living in a world with such cruel conditions, instead of the happy, semi-safe world it use to be. Now, they had to fight to survive. They had to become soldiers to survive and help protect their new home.

“ETA to Red Lines is approximately an hour ladies and gentlemen. Keep your eyes pealed for any movement, safeties off once out of the safe zone,” Your thoughts are interrupted by Graves speaking into the radio,

‘Rog,’

‘Copy,’

‘Copy that sir,’

Multiple voices can be heard through the radio as they announce their confirmation.

“Get some shut eye Kali. I’ll wake you up for whatever reason,” Graves calls you by your callsign before voicing his offer, his eyes focused down the road,

No matter how heavenly that sounded, you knew it wasn’t a good idea. He needed an extra pair of eyes looking after him, after the team. Plus, if you were the last to survive Shepherd would have your head if he found out his team got killed because you wanted to get some extra sleep on the road.

“No I’m good,” You respond, slowly sipping on your coffee,

Graves turns to look at you, observing your sleep deprived frame before looking back towards the road. Just staring at you alone made him exhausted. You needed sleep and he’d forcefully put you to sleep if that’s what it took to make you catch some extra hours.

“(Y/n) seriously, gets some sleep. I’ll wake you when I need you,” He tries again, voice calm and comforting as his baby blues look into yours,

You softly chuckle, appreciating his concern, “I’m okay. M’not that tired anymore,”

That was a total lie.

Because after 10 minutes of driving down the dark, destroyed, abandoned roads of Chicago you swiftly dozed off. Empty coffee cup nearly falling out of your hands if it wasn’t for Graves’ quick reflexes.

The man slightly chuckles at you as he observes your sleeping frame before focusing his eyes back on the road. He knew you trusted him enough to be vulnerable around him, to have faith in him in keeping you both alive when one was resting. He hoped it’d remained that way. But deep down, he knew it won’t, not after today. He knew it was going to be a difficult decision if you don’t come around the new regulations that Shepherd will have back at base.

The rules made sense. But he just knew you’d be against it. And that alone brought an unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach.

*****

Red Lines

0800

“Alright, Eagle 3 stays out here. Keep watch for any movement. Eagle 1 you’ll take care of building A. Find anything valuable that we need. Eagle 2 you’re with me and Lieutenant Kali. We’ll scope the bottom before making our way to the pharmacy unit,” Graves lays down the orders, looking at every soldier who simply nods back at him,

You on the other hand couldn’t help the annoyed look on your face when Troy would be tagging along with you and Graves. You’d rather much get chased by a group of Zeds than walk beside him. That man was not to be trusted by any means.

“If things get too complicated you retreat. Whatever you find is whatever we’ll take. Got it?” You join on the orders, receiving more nods from the soldiers,

“Remember. Safeties off. If anything moves you shoot to kill,” Graves says once again before sending everyone to their positions,

Meeting Graves’ gaze you send him a nod before following him up the stairs that lead to the hospital building. Once inside the lobby, Eagle 1 slowly and quietly parts away to checkout their side of the building. Guns raised and ready to fire. From the corner of your eye you watch them walk past the doors before disappearing from your sight. Once the lobby was clear to move forward, you and Graves lead the rest of the soldiers down the hallway.

As you made your way down the hospital you kept your gun tight to your shoulder, finger off the trigger but close enough to be used in case of anything. You and the group slowly and quietly searched each room. Your eyes cautiously scanned every inch of the place, noticing just how rough this hospital had gone through after the outbreak.

Hospital beds, equipment, papers, wheel chairs, broken windows, everything you can possibly think of was scattered across the floor, the hallways. The ceiling tiles were broken, wires hung from above, vines somehow made their way inside the hospital and have overtook the walls, the entire hospital was out of power but emergency lights still flashed, casting a red bright glow throughout the building.

However, the further your group walked into the building the worst everything got. Blood stains coated the floors, the walls, bodies that have been dead for months maybe years were left on the ground. Yet, what made everyone on edge and more cautious of their surroundings was how fresh some blood stains were. Everyone kept close watch on everything, every corner and every room.

Luckily, no living dead was seen, yet, causing you to reach the pharmacy wing with no issue. Although, it still didn’t mean everyone was safe, they still had to stay cautious.

Yet despite scanning the pharmacy for any danger, no one noticed a pair of white frosty eyes watching them in a dark corner the whole time. Watching a specific person in the group.

While two soldiers kept watch on the entrance of the door, the rest of you tossed as much medicine as you can into black duffel bags.

“Bronx start piling these bags on something with wheels,” You call out to the soldier who kept watch as you start on your second duffle, throwing variety of medical supplies inside,

From alcohol wipes, rubbing alcohol bottles, medical bandages, band-aides, any working thermometers, stethoscopes as a request from some doctors back at base, anything you saw that was of use you’d toss it in the bag. As you helped Graves carry another loaded bag onto a medical trolley that Bronx has brought from somewhere in the room, a faint noise coming from outside the double doors has everyone stopping.

“Anyone hear that?” Silo, another soldier that was placing pill bottles inside her duffle calls out,

“I did. We should bail Graves,” Troy claims, eyes directed at the doors,

“Negative, we’ve got orders,” You demand the soldier. Ignoring his words you continue tossing items inside the duffle,

With a grunt the man goes to place the duffle bag on the trolley, mumbling words underneath his breath which was most likely directed towards you but you continue to ignore him like any other day. As Troy placed his bag amongst the other filled bags, another noise that sounded like glass being stepped on comes from outside the doors, catching everyone’s attention again.

“I’m telling you something’s out there,” Silo repeats again, taking a step away from the doors, weapon slightly raised,

The sound of a shot gun being pumped rings in the air, “Graves, let’s bail!” Troy harshly growls as he points his gun towards the door,

Your own ears heard the noise, causing your blood to run cold. But you knew the base was running low on everything. You were already here, at least three bags worth of medical supplies, you couldn’t just leave them. Not when people, families, kids are slowly suffering and possibly dying. You had to take it back with you.

The stores that you’ve checked before coming to Red Lines were no use. Everything had been cleared, leaving every shelve empty. So you had to go back to base with something.

“We have orders Troy!” You remind the man as Graves slowly walks towards the double doors, rifle of his own pointing upwards, finger ready on the trigger for anything,

Troy only throws a scoff at you, “Fuck the orders!”

Jesus he’s more of a fucking pussy than I thought. You think to yourself as you turn to face the man, who still had his shot gun up in the air. Signs of sweat lingered on his temple.

“Fuck you! Families are at stake they need medicine!”

“That’s my point! None of this matters anymore they’re all gonna die anyways!”

Now that raised a flag.

“What?”

“Troy shut up that’s enough!” The look of panic and anger on Graves face raised more flags, what the hell were they hiding?

“What the fuck is he talking about?” Graves looks at you, that same odd look in his eyes from earlier was back, but he simply shakes his head with closed eyes,

“Nothing! Look, there’s nothing out there alright everyone just needs to stop being fucking paranoi—,”

“Phil!” You scream just as you see a large herd of Lurkers and Runners pushing through the doors,

Graves was able to slam the butt of his rifle towards the first Zed reaching towards him, sending him on the ground as he’s quick to shoot the rest.

“Aim for their heads!” You hear him scream as bullets begin flying in the small pharmaceutical,

In less than a second mayhem irrupted. Snarls, growls, screams, pained screams, bullets, windows, glass shattering can be heard in the building. Whatever medical supplies were left had been pushed off the counters or damaged by bullets as the living dead attacked. You had unloaded a whole magazine on the dead causing you to reach for your belt to grab another mag when you glance around the horrific sight unfolding in front of you. Multiple soldiers had been pinned in the corners by herds, pained screams surrounded the pharmaceutical as each soldier got mauled by the living dead.

You watched with wide eyes as you see one young soldier being dragged towards the back of the building by a herd, you go to reach for his wailing hands but before you can grab ahold of them you’re being slammed against the counter. A grunt rumbles in your throat when something digs into your hip, causing pain to travel up your side.

Turning, your met with the most gruesome face inches away from your own.

A runner in the process of forming into a Ghoul. His skin grey and rotten. Patches of skin missing or peeling from its face, blood either fresh and dry stained his entire torso. His mouth. Eyes wild and wide as it tries to latch its teeth onto you. Which you’d like to point out, most of his mouth was completely missing. Only bits and pieces of skin held it upright, giving you a disgusting and traumatic view of his teeth as he growled and snarled.

You groaned out loud as you try pushing the runner off of you. Doing your best in forcing his face away from you by placing your hand under his neck, forcing it away from you, your legs struggling to also kick him away from you. But it was no use because he was ravenous for you, causing him to use all his strength to mark you, eat you. Although, noticing how you’ll probably get bit by this piece of shit if you don’t fight hard enough, adrenaline rises in your veins, giving you enough strength to push him backwards till you slam it against the other counter. Bottles of pills, liquids of you don’t know what the fuck fall from the top shelve, some of it landing around you both or on you as you both struggle with each other.

But as you fought with the runner you somehow lose your balance, causing you to fall backwards, bringing the dead with you.

Another pained groan rumbles in your throat as the weight that falls on top of you nearly takes out all the air from your lungs, but with the little strength you had, you held the runner above you. Away from your skin. But your arms were quickly growing tired, causing an angered, frustrated, slightly fearful yell to fall from your lips. You cannot die this way.

However, before the dead can get a taste of your throat you feel him being pushed off you. Confusion settles on your face at the sudden moment, but is soon replaced with another feeling. Fear and worry as you see a tall, very tall being nearly hovering above you. The bright glowing red light illuminates his features, giving you a glimpse of a skull mask. From where you were on the ground you noticed military gear covered his entire frame, however fear—panic overtakes your body when you noticed this military man was not in fact alive. No. He was infected. The blood and slightly rotten skin was enough proof for you.

As the dead inches closer towards you, you instinctively crawl away from him. Trying to get away from him, away from his ravenous state. You even managed to throw your knife at him while crawling away, causing it to latch onto his right shoulder, yet he only pulls it off with no care in the world as he continues inching closer to you. Crawling away quickly turns into you curling into a ball when he suddenly launches at you. As you waited for the end in a tight ball, your eyes are quick to shoot open when you never see it. In fact, you turn around when you see the tall infected military man fighting off a Ghoul that was apparently fighting him to grab onto you.

Not thinking much about the odd situation you quickly rise to your feet before running to grab your rifle from the floor.

Just as you grip the gun, a pair of strong arms clasping around your shoulders brings a shriek along with a jolt from you. You go to punch the infected, but Graves quickly spins you around to look directly in your eyes.

“We gotta go!” He yells over the ongoing commotion and without any hesitation he drags you by the arm to leave the death trap,

You quickly follow him, but just as you jump over the fallen trolley you stop to quickly pick up a duffle bag that had medical supplies before continuing in following him out the building. Graves yells at you to fucking run for your life, literally, as more horrific shrieks and snarls echo throughout the hospital as you, Graves and of course Troy run down the hallways.

More bullets fly in the air as the three of you shoot any oncoming herds. Felt like a never ending nightmare, but the three of you eventually make it outside. Where Eagle 3 had been mauled to death.

“Fucking Zeds!” Graves curses underneath his breath at the horrific sight,

Blood, lots of blood coated the pavement. Limbs, ripped intestines were scattered throughout the floor, turning your stomach as you scan the gruesome scene. If you had the time you’d definitely puke your coffee and protein bars, but your life was literally at stake. No time to puke your guts.

No pun intended.

“Fucking bastards! I’ll kill you! I’ll fucking kill you! Come on!” The sound of Troy yelling like a complete maniac brings you out of your thoughts,

“Troy get your ass in the truck!” Graves yells from inside the humvee, already igniting the ignition and placing the gear in drive,

Adrenaline still coursing through your veins, you grab ahold of Troy’s tactical vest before dragging him towards the truck. Who was still yelling harmless profanities to the infected, who by the way were rapidly forcing themselves out of the building, causing you to push the idiot inside the humvee before quickly climbing inside yourself. The moment the door shuts Graves all but burns rubber on the pavement, leaving the herd of dead running after the truck.

*******

S.C.H.Q

1000 am

“I’m telling you sir, everything turned into a shit show,” Graves explains once again, exhaustion written on his face as he rests his hands on either side of his hips, “There was nothing we could’ve done. Sons of bitches ambushed us,”

“Goddamn it Graves,” Shepherd growls under his breath as he massages his forehead,

“With all do respect sir, you knew what we were walking into. That place is just damn near impossible to get through. We’re lucky enough to even stand here and tell you it was a failed mission,” You go to defend the Texan, earning a small glare from the old dog,

“Not lucky enough. Not everyone made it back,” You hear Troy behind you, feeling irritation rise in your chest. He’s been such a fucking Parrot since you’ve arrived at base,

But like usual, you ignore him, not even sparing him a glance. Yet, he still kept going. You hear him push off the wall as he walks closer to the group huddled around the Generals’ desk.

“My men would still be here if you’d just listen to me. But no! You just had to keep fucking grabbing medicine did ya!”

“Well excuse me for wanting to fucking save lives! For doing my goddamn job!” You yell back, facing the man to stare directly into those dark, coward, brown eyes of his,

“Yeah? Well look what that got us! One duffle bag filled with medical supplies that’ll not even last a week and the lives of soldiers lost because you wanted to save people who aren’t worth saving anymore!!” The moment those words left his mouth, your fist was quick to make contact with his left cheek. He stumbles backwards against some chairs.

Everything you were feeling; exhaustion, hunger, rage, adrenaline, annoyance, irritation, all of it had combined. Causing you to lash out. Physically. Besides, he’s had coming.

“That’s enough! Both of you!!” Graves once again is pulling you away from the man storming at you,

Although, Troy wasn’t close to reach or touch you because Graves had placed a firm hand on his chest, forcing him to take a step back.

“Now you listen here Lieutenants!” Shepherd announces with a dark tone, rising from his chair he fixes his uniform before walking around the desk, “I understand this is a tough situation on both your parts, but killing each other won’t bring anyone justice!”

“But what I do need is both of you to be on the same page! I’m already dealin’ with a herd of sick, panicked folks out there demanding for any sort of help! The last thing I need is to deal with both of your childlike behavior!”

You send a small glare to Shepherd from the corner of your eye before bringing your fuming orbs to the idiotic dirty blonde head. Who now sported a small gash on his bottom lip, bringing some sort of satisfaction knowing it was you who caused the small gash.

“Now I know we’re all frustrated and stressed about all this mess. But we gotta keep our heads on straight! So with that being said, Lieutenant Lennon go on and catch a breather. Lieutenant (L/N) you’re dismissed. Get some shut eye, I know you need it,” Shepherd orders with a cold, firm tone, eyes challenging you, “You’re dismissed Lieutenant. We’ll spell you later on in the night,”

You don’t argue. Mostly because Graves gives your arm a slight shove with his elbow, a message to just let it go and follow orders. So you do just that. Not sparing either men a glance you storm out the office, the door slamming shut, rattling the windows with its force. Not stopping, you head down towards the steps of the building, ignoring other soldiers standing on guard or the looks directed your way, you just kept walking till you eventually reached outside. The fresh air hitting your heated skin.

Closing your eyes, you take a deep breath through your nose. Holding it for a few seconds before exhaling deeply through your mouth.

This whole morning was a fucking shit-show and you blamed no one else other than Shepherd. If he wasn’t so obsessed in overtaking Red Lines, everyone from your squad would have been alive. If he’d just send your troop to another location that hadn’t been touched before, none of this mess would have happened.

More time is being wasted, more lives are being taken by a goddamn flu that this base has no medical care for, especially now since the mission was a failure and whatever was inside the duffle was not going to be enough. If you were feeling stressed before then this only made your shoulders heavier at the thought of multiple families slowly dying for the lack of medical care.

“I’m assuming the mission didn’t go as planned?” A soft voice coming from your left has you opening your eyes,

Sandy. One of your closest friends’ girlfriend stood beside you. Her blonde hair held in a messy bun as she wore a grey coat, light brown long sleeve underneath with some old brown timberland boots on her feet. You observed her features, trying to see any signs of sickness and immediately feeling relief when she looked completely fine. Your eyes then fall down to the little boy by her side, bright green eyes looking up at you with a wide smile. You smile down at him, ruffling his short dirty blonde locks.

“Was a fucking disaster,” You mumble under your breath, locking eyes with the woman,

She gives you a small saddened smile, one hand reaching out to your arm to give you reassurance while the other cradled her growing bump.

“All that matters now is that you’re back. That you’re alive,” Sandy states with the same warm smile,

You give her a small smile as you look down at her hand rubbing soft circles on her stomach, “How’s the nugget?”

Sandy’s smile widens, “He’s good. Kickin’ and punchin’ in there. Think he wants out already,”

You chuckle at her response, “Just like his father. Stubborn as hell,”

Sandy softly chuckles. A glimpse of sorrow hovering over her eyes at the mention of her ex-boyfriend. But you knew she was strong, stronger than you that’s for sure because she pushed down the growing ball in her throat and continued smiling at you.

“Listen.. whatever we brought it’s.. it’s not enough. So regardless if you both aren’t sick.. just go to medic. Better safe than sorry,” You tell her with a small smile, which she returns, appreciation written on her face for your constant help,

She truly did appreciate everything you’ve done for both of them after Billy had passed away. At first she didn’t need your pity, but once she saw you were determined in keeping Billy’s promise, she slowly began opening to you. A bond was soon formed between you three, and you absolutely cherished it.

After kindly declining her offer in grabbing some breakfast with them—considering that’s where they were heading in the first place before running into you— you wave them goodbye before heading towards the Shadow Company’s apartments. Looks from multiple soldiers were sent your way, word had traveled fast about the failed mission which you weren’t surprised about, but still grew annoyed for this squads loud mouth. Nothing is ever kept a secret. Yet, you held your head high, giving dark threatening glares at soldiers who dared look your way, making them look the other way with a panicked expression in their eyes.

It felt like an eternity when you finally made it to your private quarters. Once the door was shut and locked behind you. You toss your keys somewhere on a nearby couch, placed your rifle against the coffee table, start to shrug off your boots and vest before making your way towards the bedroom. Where you fall face first on the mattress, slightly rattling your shelves from the rough impact, although at that moment you could care less if they decide to give its last breath and have it crumble on top of you.

You just needed sleep.

And that’s exactly what you got. Within five or so minutes you start to drift away, the sound of heavy rain beginning to pour just outside your window helps your exhaustion take over your body, helps the stress from yours shoulders to disperse for the time being and sending you into another deep, dreamless sleep.

++++

1900

BANG!

BANG!

The loud, extremely loud noise has you bolting from your bed. Your breath uneven as you scan your surroundings. Your bedroom remained still, only the sounds of rain hitting against your window can be heard, but before you can calm yourself, convince yourself it was just another nightmare you hear it once again. Only difference it has you jumping from bed when those loud sounds were familiar sounds of gunfire. With quick movements you slip on your boots before darting outside the bedroom, you quickly grip your rifle before running out the door.

The hallways were empty, but as you hurried down the steps, it was then you began hearing muffled screams, which then grew much louder and clearer that sent a dark shiver down your spine the moment you stepped outside into the pouring rain. It was absolute chaos outside. People were desperately running from something, someone, while others sought for safety. You tried asking a civilian for answers but they only pleaded with you with a frightening look as they ran away from you

“What the fuck?” You whisper as you watch them bolt down the road, but your eyes wildly turn at the sound of more horrific screams,

Your eyes grow wide as you catch a Shadow dragging a woman by her hair as she screams and pleads with them. Immediately, you ran towards the commotion where you roughly shove the soldier away, causing him to lose his balance. “What the hell are you doing?!”

His eyes stare at you with confusion, determination, yet they also had uncertainty and fear in them, “Following orders!”

“What?!” You yell the same time when more frightful pleads and screams are heard before hearing another round of gunfire echoing down the street,

The loud, piercing noise has you flinching, but nonetheless run towards the rapid fire. Your feet come to a complete stop when you see the horrific sight in front of you. Inside a gate we’re at least five Shadows with rifles, but your stomach turns when your eyes land on the pile of bodies that were stacked upon each other. The sight alone has a gasp falling from your lips, never in a million years did you think your team would be slaughtering civilians. Civilians and..kids.

The moment you see soldiers lining another group of people, along with kids, you run towards the gated area.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” You demand out loud as you shove the soldier that was about to raise his rifle,

Taken aback by your sudden presence and sudden shove, his eyes were just as wide and frantic as yours. Even with a mask covering most of his face you can see the horror in his face. “G-General Shepherd, Lieutenant. He’s ordered a sweep of the community,”

“A what?!” You question with genuine confusion and horror,

You should have seen it coming, of course the old man would do something like this to keep himself safe and away from any sort of danger. But killing innocent lives? You knew Shepherd was crazy with his risky motives, but now, you were convinced he had finally lost it.

Yet, before you can demand him to put the rifle away and free the civilians, a loud voice is calling after you. Turning around, your met with another soldier jogging after you.

“Lieutenant (L/N), General Shepherd wants you in his office. It’s urgent,”

“Damn right it’s fucking urgent!” You growl at him then turn back to the man who still had his rifle in his hand, “I don’t know what kind of shit ass order he gave you, but that’s enough! Let these people go,”

Just as you turn to walk with the other man, a voice is calling after you, “But Lieutenant.. General Shep—,”

“General Sheperd has lost his goddamn mind!!” You yell over the pouring rain, your eyes firm and angry, “Now I’ve ordered you, to stand. Down!”

The soldier hesitates to lower his weapon, even spares a glance to the other soldiers who stood by with the same hesitance, but they all eventually lower their weapons and allow the civilians to leave from the gate. All of them sprint away with frightened screams, once you knew not a single soul was apprehended you followed the soldier to the building where the piece of shit was. Although, you couldn’t deny the uncomfortable feeling settling in the pit of your stomach, you knew something bad was soon to come.

As you made your way through the streets, the streets that were once filled with certainty, safety, and joy, were now filled with absolute darkness and silence. Only the sound of the pouring rain surrounding you can be heard, along with faint screams coming here and there. You eventually make it to the top of the building where you shove open the door to his office, causing it to roughly collide with the glass window.

“Wanna explain to me why we’re killing half the fucking community?!” You yell as you march towards the desk where the old dog sat with a grim look,

Other soldiers who were nearby took a step closer towards you, indicating they’d hold you down if you’d tried anything.

Troy stood right beside Shepherd, his hands clasped behind his back as he glared at your storming frame. You also didn’t miss the way he takes a step forward in a protective manner, which makes you tighten your hold on your rifle. Your eyes then turn to the left of the office where Graves leaned against a stack of piled cases, his own rifle hung around his neck, dangling in front of his body, but it was his eyes that had a unfamiliar dark look in them.

“Lieutenant, I need you to calm down,” Shepard orders, his voice horsed as he spoke to you,

“Calm?— calm down?! You just ordered to kill innocent lives! How the fuck do you expect me to calm down!” You scream, your voice bouncing off the walls as you step closer to the desk, but hands gripping on your elbows has you halting your steps,

“Because Lieutenant, what I’m about to tell you is something I need you to understand!” Shepherd sternly states as he slowly rises from his chair, his eyes looking at you as you shrug off the soldiers,

“Understand what?! That we’re becoming mercenaries?!”

“Understand that this goddamn flu we got going on is only becoming more of a problem!” The old man starts, he remains behind his desk as he continues, “More lives are being infected with this flu every god forsaking minute and we don’t have the medical equipment to cure it!”

You shrug your shoulders from frustration and rage, “So what?! So that means you have to start killing people for it?! What happened to isolation?! Or quarantining the sick?!”

“Quarantine won’t do any justice here!” Troy joins in, his gaze firm as he continues standing by the General’s side, “Like General Shepherd said, everyone is being infected by the second. We need to kill the sick to kill the flu!”

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. You couldn’t believe Graves was allowing this! All he did was stay quiet throughout the whole argument, just switching his gaze from you to Shepherd to Troy then back to you. After everything you’ve all been through, every near death experience, this was how your relationship would end? He wouldn’t try and attempt to back you on this? How can he agree with them? How can he kill in cold blood? What happed to him?

“Does that also include children?! Innocent children?!” You yell at every man in the room, but your eyes land on Shepherd when he inhales deeply through his nose, his shoulders straightening as he looks directly in your eyes,

“Whatever it takes. Lieutenant,” Your blood boiled in your veins at his words,

Your anger, hatred, frustration, exhaustion, everything you were feeling at the moment, you let it take over. Your vision immediately gets clouded with pure white hot rage, your heart pounded in your ears, the hair on your arms raised as your hands shook.

End him. Fucking kill him! He’ll never get away this.

“You crazy old fuck!!” You yell as you raise your rifle in the air, the barrel directed towards Shepherd, his eyes wide as he stares at you,

The situation had escalated rather fast. Your finger pressed the trigger with no hesitation, igniting the chamber to go off, but just as you had raised the gun towards the man and just as you pressed it, someone is knocking the rifle out of your hands. Because of this, the bullet only clipped Shepherd on his left shoulder. Which still had him stumbling backwards against the wall as he clutched onto his injured shoulder.

Almost immediately as the rifle fell to the ground, you feel large hands grasping your arms, but you quickly fight them off by twisting from their hold and snapping one of their arms, bringing an agony scream from them. It was then you realized it was another Shadow.

Yet, just as you hurt one soldier, more pair of hands are grabbing ahold of you, forcing you to the ground but your body was filled with adrenaline, rage that you used it to push against them. You roughly knock your shoulder against another Shadow’s firm chest, sending him tumbling back towards the other that had held onto you.

The moment both of them had fell to the ground, Troy was next in grabbing onto you. He gripped your hair as he pulled your head backwards, earning a pained scream from you. He threatened you disgustingly close in your ear that only seemed to intensified your rage, so with your free arm, you let your fist connect with his face once again where you hear a cracking sound before seeing him tumbling backwards against the wall. His hands reached up to his bloody nose as he groaned in pain.

“(Y/n)! Stop!” You hear Graves’ scream, your eyes avert to the Texan, noticing then he had his rifle pointing at you but held out a hand as his blue eyes pleaded with you,

It was at his moment that you knew, he’d shoot you if ordered too.

You stared at him with hurt, angered, betrayed eyes. How can he possibly allow this to happen? Why would he allow this to happen? You knew Graves would often do so some shady stuff or risk his life in order to get the job done, but this?! This was beyond not okay. This was not the Philip Graves you knew.

“Troy don’t!” Graves yells, his eyes wide as he watches the man behind your shoulder,

The moment the words leave his mouth you quickly turn to bolt out the office just as bullets start to fly. A bullet still manages to get lodged in your right upper arm as you ran out the door, but it wasn’t enough to halt your steps, instead it only heightened your adrenaline to run faster down the hallway. That was until you see more soldier running down your way, causing you to push through a random door just as their own rifles start sending live rounds your way. It felt like an eternity of you running through the building, dodging numerous bullets with your name on it, fighting Shadows who only ended up getting their life ripped from them by your own hands, but you eventually make it out the building. Except it wasn’t in a nice way.

Just as you had gotten to the second floor of the building and were focused on running down the hallway, one of Shepherds soldiers had caught you by surprise. He had emerged from a dark corner and had tackled you against the window, shattering it on impact. You fought him for a few minutes before you see him lunge at you in frustration, sending you both flying out the window. The both of you tumble down the second floors rooftop before landing roughly on the street. You groaned heavily as you laid under the pouring rain, your entire body flared with pain as you laid on the ground gathering your breath. But a voice in your head screams at you to get up. It took some strength, but you eventually pull yourself up and off the ground.

It was then as you slowly got to your feet that you noticed the man you were fighting with didn’t have the same luck as you. He had landed on nearby humvee, where you had landed on a tent filled with crates and cardboard boxes. Still wasn’t a painless fall, but at least you survived it.

With a hand clutching onto your aching abdomen, you limp away from the building, but the moment you had gotten a few feet away from said building, more shots are being fired in the air, forcing you to run through your pain.

You ran through crowds of people who were also running scared in different directions as those sons of bitches fired away. Not caring if they shot an innocent life, not caring if they shot innocent children, they didn’t care what was in front of them just as long as they got their job done. And their job was capturing you. Alive. Alongside “sweeping” the community.

But from the looks of it they had excuses ready to share to Shepherd on why they wouldn’t be able to bring you in alive.

Fearful screams are heard all around you as you ran through terrified crowds. Slightly being shoved or tripped by the civilians as they ran anywhere to find safety, fearing for their lives. You didn’t blame them. This was supposed to be a community where it should have felt safe for them, where they can rebuilt themselves, where they can depend on to stay alive, now they tried finding any escape to survive from those murdering cunts.

You ran as fast as you can to a dark alley where it led to a barricaded tunnel, the tunnel that led outside the headquarters. A tunnel that nobody knew about. A tunnel you had created as an emergency escape, no matter the situation. Whether it was an attack from Looters, from other rival groups, from Zeds, or in your case at the moment. Being captured and killed by your very own team who you thought was your family.

With quick movements you pull apart the gate from the floor, causing a small opening to get to the other side. The muddy floor covered your tactical gear as you forced your way into the small opening, huffing and puffing as you used whatever energy you had left to escape. Just as a flashlight points down towards the alley you were already on your feet running down the tunnel. Looking behind your shoulder you see more lights running your way, which only caused you to run faster. Once out the tunnel you turn to your left to head further away from the base, careful to stick to the shadows as you see more soldiers outside the base in guard. Pointing their lights to see if they find anything, anyone.

After what seemed like eons of dodging their spotlights, you quickly run further down the streets, however, just as you thought you were at a safe distance, before you can even process it somebody had tackled you down. A loud groan falls from your lips as you land painfully on your ribs, again. The captor who had tackled you fought with you, forcing you to turn around as he tried his best in zip tying your hands together, but of course you fought back. With irritation of not being able to control your squirming frame, the soldier forces you to turn forward right before letting the butt of his rifle land a heavy strike on your face. Causing your world to spin for a hot second.

“Eagle to base, I’ve got her. I repeat, I’ve apprehended Lieutenant Kali,” You hear him say into the cold night air, your mind slightly still dazed from the brutal blow to the head,

You didn’t know what the other person in the radio orders him to do, but knew it was nothing good because you see him nod before slowly making his way towards you. You tried crawling away from him, despite the blood trickling down the side of your temple and dizziness clouding your mind, you tried your best in moving away from him. But it was no use because he was quick to grip you from your ankles before roughly dragging you against the floor till he hovered above you, however, before he can do you any more harm he’s suddenly being tackled to the ground by a dark figure.

A brutal scream is being irrupted into the dark sky as the dark figure eats away at the soldier. Fuck. Holy shit. You think to yourself as you remain frozen on the floor, watching the gory scene unfold right in front of you. It didn’t take long for the screams to die out. Just when they did, the dark figure rises from the floor and slowly turns to you. It was then you noticed it was the same Zed from earlier. The one from the hospital. Your brows knit together in confusion, not quite understanding how he was standing right in front of you, just a few feet away. Did he follow us? You think once again, but before the Zed can try and pounce at you too the sound of more Shadow Company’s soldiers come running down the street, catching both yours and the Zeds attention. Using the opportunity of him looking down at the group of soldiers running your way, you quickly rise to your feet before bolting further down the street. Away from the soldiers, away from the flesh eating zombie.

Because if it wasn’t bullets that would kill you, it would be in the cold hands of the Zed.

You ran without looking back. Not really caring where you were heading, you just knew you had to get somewhere safe. So you ran down the darken streets of Chicago, the streets that were once filled with noise and joy, now they stood in cold frozen silence as the fungus eats away at the buildings and streets. Vines overtaking numerous houses, buildings, burnt cars, making it look indeed out of a horror movie.

After running aimlessly down the roads and cutting through multiple buildings without looking behind your shoulder, you squeeze through a broken down garage door that led to the other side of the home. However, just as you managed to fit through and turned to run once again, your feet come to an abrupt stop when your eyes land on a large herd of zombies.

Neither of them had noticed you yet. But it wouldn’t be long for them to pick up your scent and started chasing you, so to avoid that at all costs, you slowly begin to backtrack your steps as quietly as possible. But just as you moved a leg you see a creeper coming from the corner, noticing how he desperately begins sniffing the air, causing his dead buddies to do the same as they try following your scent.

Panic rises in your chest as you watch them slowly turn in your direction, but before they can get a visual of you a large cold hand covers your mouth, earning a muffled scream as you feel a firm arm wrap around your shoulders and hauling you out of their sight. Fear and adrenaline rushes in your veins as you try fighting the Zed, mentally preparing that this is how you die, this is how you’ll get infected. Despite you still trying to wiggle yourself out of the strong arms, you knew this was the end. After so many years of fighting to stay alive, so many bullets you’ve caught, so many lives you took, this was your end. None of it mattered anymore.

As you continued to fight your way out of his hold, you feel the way his hand tightens around your mouth the same time he pins you closer towards his chest. Noticing the way the heard of Zeds and Creepers slowly walk past the little alleyway you both hid from. The darkness helped hide you two, but your heart hammered in your chest as you watch with wide eyes, seeing them desperately follow your scent, seeing them pick up their pace when it must be fading into the night sky. After what seemed like centuries, the Zed that held you against his chest eventually lets you go, which you are quick to take a large step away from him.

Your breath came out of your mouth in quick panicked pants. Eyes still wide as you avert them from the tall figure to the walking dead. You weighed your options. Either stay and fight off the tall one or run and risk getting chased by the rest of the herd who seemed to be in good distance, but still. You don’t know how many more of them are out there.

So, you settled on fighting the tall one. Would you win? That’s highly unlikely. But hey. You’ve survived worse situations.

Slowly backing away from the military Zed, your eyes held his white, frosty, gaze. Then, from the corner of your eye you spotted an old, rusty iron crowbar, which you quickly grip onto it. Still holding his gaze, your hands tighten their hold on the bar when you see the Zed now walking towards you, a loud, threatening growl rumbling from it. You continue taking slow steps away from it, but just as you did you hear another loud, deep, gurgling growl, only except this time it didn’t come from the dead in front of you. This time it came from behind you.

Fuck sake give me a break. You mentally curse as you slowly, oh so slowly turn around. Only to be met with a large, very, very large obese zombie. Your eyes grow wide as your mouth falls open at the monstrosity standing just a few inches from you. This night was seriously determined in ending your life one way or another.

Yet, before your life can officially come to an end, you’re suddenly being tossed backwards against the cold concrete. A pained groan vibrates in your throat as you land awkwardly, but just as you fell you see the dead soldier once again launching at the large zombie.

“The fuck?” This time you voice out your thoughts as you remain watching the way the tall soldier fights off the other zombie, as if it was preventing it from reaching you,

There’s no way. That’s clearly not happening right now. There’s no way this very dead soldier is fighting off another zombie to get it away from me. I’m just going bat-shit crazy. That’s what’s actually happening right now. You think to yourself as you continue staring at the sight in front of you, eventually, you slowly crawled away then finally jolt to your feet before once again running out of the alley. As you ran, growls echo right behind you, but you never stopped. You once again continued running till you knew it was safe to stop.

You honestly don’t know how far you got, but you eventually come to a stop when you get to a suburban area that was deserted. Your lungs burned while your ribs stabbed at your sides. The rain never ceased, in fact it only seemed to intensify as the night went on, which you then realized you had to find shelter to gather yourself, deal with your throbbing arm and dry yourself before you die of hyperthermia. That’s how much luck you had.

As you panted heavily under the pouring rain, eyes observing your surroundings to catch a glimpse of any movement, any danger, you had missed the way a dark figure blended well in the shadows of the suburban area, as well as blending his heavy footsteps with the rain. That was until you turned around to check if no one or anything was indeed following you, but the moment you turn around your entire body is jolting from fright as the tall tactical Zed stood inches away from you.

“Fuck!” You curse as you fall backwards again. Which you’d like to point out that you’ll be waking up with some serious bruises on your lower backside from the repetitive falls,

You slowly crawl away from the dead, but the more you try distancing yourself, the more it walked towards you with a faint growl. Little did you know he— it was completely irritated with you and your lack of mobility. As you remained frozen on the soaked, cold ground, while your eyes stared upwards to him, you didn’t expect him to let out a grunt before walking past you. You watch his dark figure walk towards a house behind you, he climbs up the steps with a slight limp before ramming the door open with his shoulder and walking inside. Something you definitely, definitely were not expecting. In fact, you were so confused, speechless and shocked that you remained sprawled on the floor, the heavy rain still pouring down on you.

This was beyond a fucking weird and odd night for you. However, after a long minute, you get to your feet, but you stand your ground. Your eyes darting from the opened door of the home, to down the dark, cold, pouring street, then down the street you came from. You contemplated whether you should just run, again, or… No!! That’s a terrible idea!! It’s a trap! The moment you step foot into that house he’ll just launch at you!!

The voice argues in your head as you stay standing outside in the rain. You had such wild options right now that neither of them sounded safe or great. However, the option was made for you when you hear a loud shrieking noise echoing down the dark street. Can this night get any worse? Instantly your feet are moving to the house. Yet, just as you stand on the front porch of the rundown home, your eyes squint to get a glimpse of inside the death trap, but sigh heavily when darkness is all you can see. Your eyes then scan outside, trying to see if you can find anything of use to protect yourself with, but only thing you find are pieces of rotten planks of wood that looked like they’d snap on the first hit.

So with no other option, you slowly step inside the home. Your eyes trying to see through the darkness, luckily, the moon was bright enough to cast some sort of light through the broken down windows, but it still didn’t calm your nerves. Upon entering the home, the first thing that welcomes you is the stench of dusty, murky old walls, then a flight of stairs that lead upstairs. On your left, laid a destroyed den with rotten couches that have been flipped upside down, books, glass littered the ground, then to your right you assumed was the living room since you got a glimpse of some more couches. You weren’t able to fully get a view since the sound of heavy footsteps climbing down the stairs jolts your body to action mode.

Your hands curl as you prepare yourself for what’s to come. Your eyes never leaving the dark, tall figure slowly coming down the steps. Thick silence surrounds the both of you when he finally stops at the end of the stairs, your gazes locked on each other, that’s until the dead gives a grunt before slowly turning to walk to the right, entering the living room. Again, just like outside you watch him leave with tightly knitted brows, confusion once clouding your mind. This is definitely the most weirdest thing you’ve ever experienced. You stood there, not sure of what you should do next. Your eyes then look up the steps, a debate running in your head. It was simple, either go up, lock yourself in a room and try to catch some sleep— if that ever happens— or remain downstairs to keep a close eye on his.. intentions. Although, you were convinced on what exactly his intentions were.

Eventually, after what seemed like minutes passing, a cold, uncomfortable shiver runs down your spine, making you decide in heading upstairs. You slowly walk up the steps, keeping your gaze locked behind you in case he decides to attack you from the back. Your priority wasn’t on checking upstairs for any other of his brain eating friends, you had assumed upstairs was clear since you didn’t hear any commotion upon entering the home and had seen him coming from upstairs. With a ridiculous thought, you assumed he had checked the whole house before you had stepped inside.

It was such a dumb thought that it even caused a scoff out of you as you continue making your way up the home. Your steps causing the old staircase to groan under your weight. Once up the second floor, you scan your surroundings until they settle on a door on the far end of the floor. You quickly make your way inside the room and shut the door behind you. It didn’t have a lock. Fucking perfect, but you did see a desk near the window, so with quick steps you walk towards it before dragging it towards the door with heavy grunts. You make sure to jam it right under the doorknob, it wasn’t much but you knew it’d keep him from entering while you slept. Or at least tried to get some sleep.

More time had passed by. After getting a better look of the room you chose, you realized it must’ve belonged to a male in his mid twenties, possibly in his thirties. Old playboy, alternative rock band posters hung on the walls, a mess of papers, old shoes, clothes, books, CD cases, was displayed on the wooden floor. Once discarding your wet clothes and managing to find dry clothes that shockingly fit you, which was another pair of dark jeans and a faded grey AC/DC t-shirt, you checked your injured arm. The bullet was lodged between your flesh, making it a bitch to pull out you eventually remove the piece of metal with some old scissors you found.

Definitely wasn’t sanitary nor was it not painful but what other choice did you have? After semi bandaging your arm with some shirts you finally settled under the covers.

You didn’t exactly fall asleep right away, your mind was on high alert to even let your eyes close. Every little noise you’d hear it’d sent a wave of paranoia, causing you to grip onto the wooden baseball bat you had found somewhere in the room. The paranoia never ceased, especially when you’d hear movement coming from downstairs, reminding you that you were in fact not alone.

Sleep and exhaustion does eventually force you into sleep. Little noise would often wake you, but those eventually drifted away in the air as sleep overtook you. You just prayed to god, if there is a god, that you’d wake up in the morning.

And if you did. You’d gladly escape with the first chance you’d get.

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-> Aahhhhhhhh After 3 Long Months!!!! It’s Finally Here!!!!! I Have Been Working On This One Back & Forth!!

-> Like I Said, This Is By Far The Longest Fic I’ve Ever Written. I think I Usually Always Stop Around 9k Words But This Is Definitely My Longest Yet! 😭

-> I Really Do Hope Y’all Liked This One Because… I’ve Worked On It For So Long 🙃

-> But Anyways, It’s Finally Yours To Read! Give It Some Love, Share Your Thoughts Much Love To Ya’ll & Expect More Chapters To This Mini Series! 🫶🫶

-> Turn On Post Notifications!! For More Updates!!! 🔔

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[sugarhillpark]

pick a song for each letter of your URL, and then tag that many people

thanks for the tags forever ago @part-time-deranged and @elviehun i do notice <3

s - sugar by brockhampton

u - unfucktheworld by angel olsen

g - going to pasalacqua by green day

a - amity gardens by fountains of wayne

r - rose parade by elliott smith

h - hold the light by lp

i - i wanna be adored by the stone roses

l - love my way by the psychedelic furs

l - lua by bright eyes

p - plasticine by placebo

a - awful by hole

r - rhymes of an hour by mazzy star

k - kids in '99 by death cab for cutie

bold assumption that i'd know 13 of my followers who haven't already done it and actually wanna interact with me to tag and i won't do it but tagging @libraryspectre @beanie-twink @dearings from my recents and @gnome-cleric @pyrchance and @100percent-unimpressed my beloveds in case you wanna(/again).

[dreamlogic]

2024 year of charlie gets a fucking break (hopefully. maybe. tbd.)

[hobisexually]

x

[milo-is-rambling]

Am I weird to smell the empty cologne bottle I have constantly bc it smells like 2020 before my friend group fell apart and my family moved to Florida and my dad died and the sexual violence thing and like just before all the shitty bad things that can somehow happen in like. Four years. Anyways. I finally googled this empty perfume and found out I can get a full size version for literally FIFTEEN DOLLARS. that’s it. I love you 2020 Milo for bonding your good feelings and memories with a cologne from Walmart

[yaseraphine]

pick a card 3 - something you need to hear right now.

Last day where the Sun is in Scorpio. First day where the Sun enters Sagittarius.

The month of November is always a tough month for everyone. This pick a card is aimed to give some guidance through these dark times. Scorpio energy can be sometimes overwhelmingly intense and gloomy, but it holds great power. Use this energy to die peacefully, and shed your old skin. Like a phoenix, we will all rise from our ashes.

Words of encouragement, healing messages and a tiny bit of reality checks are what this reading will bring you. Hope it resonates.

Pile 1 

The World, 2 of Wands, Knight of Wands, Page of Swords, 10 of Swords (Rx), Queen of Pentacles (Rx?)

Top of the deck : 8 of Cups

Bottom of the deck : 2 of Swords

Life path 7 / Life path 11

“You don’t drown by falling in the water, you drown by staying there.”

“Do what makes you fucking happy”

additional quote : “Do what makes your soul shine <3”

Right off the bat, there is a sense of urgency in walking away from something and making a firm decision. I think you have been in denial about something in your life, avoiding it by trying to live a “normal life”. You’ve been focusing on your day to day tasks as a distraction but something has been at the back of your mind for a while now. And when I say for a while, I mean at least two years, or one year. It is something that you have, overtime, subconsciously suppressed because at the time this thing, career, job, creative endeavor,.. was important to you, but you did not have (or thought you didn’t have) enough knowledge and resources to take methodical practical steps towards it. I am picking up that this might have been something that happened slightly before or during the pandemic (2019/2020). The World fell out of the deck, and this card indicates the completion of a cycle, an ending. After it, the 2 of Wands fell, which indicates future planning, progress, decision and discovery. I feel like the message you need to hear is that now is the perfect time to start this project of yours, or at least plan the practical actions you need to take over the course of the next few months to accomplish it. Don’t overthink over certain details and possible technical issues. There is a fire inside of you that you consistently turned off, thinking and hoping that the embers would eventually die out. The problem you are currently facing is that they never did. You might have an Aries North node. Being assertive and independent doesn’t come easy to you. Starting projects and following your instincts without second guessing yourself is hard. You tried to manage your truest and deepest desires but I feel like this past year, the desire to let it all out, probably influenced by the Lunar nodes being in the sign of Aries and Libra, urging you to just go for it, intensified to the point of suffocation. 

Your spirit guides are urging you to take this leap of faith, to walk confidently towards that goal like The Fool, without worrying if you run the risk of falling from a ravine in the process.

They’re telling you to start slow, to take a step by step approach while still keeping a strong mindset. You will come out victorious only if you’re able to keep pushing through the obstacles. What awaits you is a slow and steady marathon and growth. You can do it !

Oracle cards from the Green With Oracle pulled for you : 

16 - Memory / Rosemary => Leo energy

“Deeper levels of connection with people, concepts and plans are all areas that Rosemary works with. You are reminded to ensure you are in touch with your inner wisdom, paying heed to the past, and have cleared what needs to be released. Listen to your intuition as it is calling to you at present, but be wary of gossip or becoming tactless or too forceful.”

5 - Grounding / Potato => Virgo energy

“Explore the deepest, innermost areas of yourself and situations, as potatoes indicate energies that are calling you to look again at what you may have once missed and will help to bring stability. If you are looking for an answer, try pulling back a little to let things settle on their own first. Challenges at the moment may include ignorance, self-centeredness and forgetfulness, so make sure you are compassionate and focused.

You are called to use all the knowledge you acquired overtime to finally take action. You’re currently ending a cycle. You have enough wisdom to make a plan that will lead you closer and closer to tangible success. Trust your intuition and inner guidance. Don’t make rash decisions, but be decisive.

Just realized these two cards have the same message in the guide book ! This is a crazy coincidence. I used it many times and never paid attention. I didn’t even know two cards could have the same message. This is crazy lol.  Let me share the quote with you : 

 “When the world wearies and society fails to satisfy, there is always the garden”

Pile 2 

2 of cups, 3 of Pentacles, Queen of Wands, Ace of Wands, The Star, 2 of Swords, Page of Pentacles 10 of Pentacles

“The same light you see in others is shining within you too.”

(there are a lot of references to light, stars,shining,;. throughout the reading. Are you drawn to space ? or the galaxy ? You’re probably a huge astrology, and/or astronomy nerd. You are probably also a huge dreamer. Maybe drawn to the idea of being a starseed. You might have strong aquarius placements, or a populated 11th house. Pluto finally going in Aquarius this week is going to grant you so much luck and recognition ! You are about to step into your power for the next 20 years. Like a rocket, you are about to fly towards the stars. Are you ready for the take off ?  

“Don’t let the ugliness of others kill the beauty in you”

Something you need to hear is that you are about to be blessed by the universe ! Shooting Star by XG just started playing !

“Babe, if I give it my all, will it pay off?

Workin' overtime, no days off

All these shootin' stars in the dark (Yeah)

All these shootin' stars in the dark, make a wish (Yeah)

Takin' off from the ground, it's amazin'

So outta this world, I'm in space

Now I'm goin' up, headin' to the stars

Wouldn't trade it out for another life, no

Yeah, we ridin', ridin', ridin' on up (Woo)

So shinin', shinin', shinin' for sure

Ooh, ah, I'm lookin' so lavish (Shinin', shinin', yeah)

Ooh, ah, put in work like it's a habit (I'm lookin' so lavish)

It's a big move, every day's like a dream

Makin' big moves as I should 'cause I'm a queen (Ooh)

Ooh, ah, I'm lookin' so lavish

Ooh, ah, yeah, I bet you can't imagine (Oh yeah)”

You are shining on your way towards the stars. You are currently in your Queen of Wands and Ace of Wands energy, (Million Dollar Baby just started playing, you’re really sure of yourself and goal oriented right now).

You are bursting with confidence and assertiveness. You are determined towards your goals. You are in a “work hard, play hard” type of energy. If it’s not currently happening, you are about to have a huge burst of popularity on whatever you’re currently working on. Could be any project, a youtube channel, a business : there are a few people that are well respected in the industry you're aiming for that are eyeing you right now and that are about to offer you a contract/ a deal/ a collaboration. They have been probably on a hunt for someone like you for a while now and they were probably starting to lose hope until they came across your page/work/profile. They see you as a Star, you’re unique and like The Star in the tarot, you represent hope and faith to them/to their business/ association/school/company. They see your raw potential and they are going to help you refine it. 

Right now, you’re probably more focused on your work/ career/ school and nurturing your friendships, going out. You’re basically active in your social circles and this is benefiting you a lot ! 

An additional message you need to know is that you’re attracting a soulmate! It’s not necessarily a romantic soulmate, could be a friendship, a mentor.. Whatever the nature of this relationship is, it is going to fill you up with even more joy and hope! Your spirit guides are so proud of you and of all the work you have been putting in lately. Even though it was hard, you stayed patient and worked diligently towards your goals and desired reality. You did a lot of shadow work, tried your best to let go of the limiting beliefs that were holding you back. The Universe wants to tell you they are about to reward you.

Oracle card from the Green With Oracle pulled for you : 

40 - Positivity / Marigold : Leo energy (again you are shining and radiating confidence! Your solar plexus chakra and sacral chakra might be in overdrive currently! You are the main character in the play that is your life.)

 “A better understanding is indicated and a reason to be more optimistic about outcomes and the roads to get there. There are opportunities for nurturing encounters and a general aura of happiness pervades. Marigolds help us focus on the positive aspects of even the most difficult events. Your inner child may need to come out for a play, and be sure to take creative invitations. Be wary of not having all the facts and of emotional blockages.”

Pile 3

TW : this pile is a bit sad and angsty.

Before I pulled any cards for you, I already felt your energy overlapping in Pile 2’s reading. Your energy was really intense, deep and melancholic. Sad songs started playing, which completely contradicted pile 2’s energy (which was overwhelmingly positive). You are probably going through a really tough period right now and your soul is desperately crying for help, praying for a hand to come and save you. You have been having really painful realizations regarding your past, especially your childhood. You’ve recently realized that the child inside of you was buried alive. You’ve recently realized that you lost your essence. While growing up, you accommodated to the world around you, what people expected of you, what was “normal”, what was acceptable. By bowing down to other people’s expectations, you let your true self die slowly. You’ve been on autopilot for a while now, completely numb and empty. There is a bit of mirroring between this pile and pile 1 of suppressing one's authentic self and desires. 

Right now, you feel that your heart has been almost rotting inside. You lost all of your passion and your spark of life. But, don’t worry, what you need to hear now is that this painful realization is what is going to set you free. It is the first step towards a really deeply healing period where you are going to reconnect with your inner child. I heard : “The truth will set you free, but first, it will piss you off”. Did you read my last reading by any chance ? I am getting the energy that you chose pile 2 and 3, both or just one, or that you would resonate with those two piles for some reason. Don’t hesitate to check it out, you might find some comforting messages I heard ! 

Now, let me pull some cards for you. I don’t know why, but I felt drawn to use different decks than the ones I used for the first two piles. So, your pile will have different messages (no message from the Green Witch oracle for you)

 [took a little break before going to your pile. You probably need to slow down on your day to day tasks. I know it’s really hard in the productivity obsessed capitalist world we live in, and it is a huge privilege to be able to have enough time and energy to spiritually reconnect with ourselves, but this is what your spirit guides are urging you to do. You’ve got this.]

For you, I used the Occult Tarot and the Heavenly Bodies Astrology deck.

I only pulled 2 cards, one per deck (it was supposed to be like that but more cards sneaked in while shuffling haha) I feel like you need just a simple check up.

Cardinal - Instigation, Bravery and A pioneering spirit => your lost spark and childlike innocence will soon be reignited by a deep healing period. A new beginning is coming for you, but it will take some hibernating time before it comes. 

Sagittarius - Optimism, Exploration and Freedom

Trine - Angelic Support, Harmony and Perfect Flow

Reconnect to your higher self and spiritual side. Disconnect from the direct, yet understandable, dissatisfaction you feel towards life. Your embers that were slowly dying will relive, just trust the process, enter the deepest parts of yourself and keep exploring with positivity : your angels will guide you. There is a team of spirit guides and angels that are proud of your progress. Even if you don’t see it, they do and they want to tell you : There is light at the end of the tunnel, keep on walking.

The Hermit and the Ace of Swords :  The truth about your past came out, now is the time to meditate on those realizations and integrate them. Alchemize the pain in wisdom. You are about to come out stronger than ever. Isolate yourself, or at least try to keep your peace and have a lot of alone time (without completely stopping socializing altogether, humans are social creatures, connecting with people is important for our wellbeing) to ponder, analyze, decrypt all the patterns that you’ve been repeating. Reconnect with your inner child, look at photos of yourself when you were younger, delve deep into your childhood and childhood wounds. Maybe try to find what your attachment style is, anything that stems from your childhood that has been making you stuck in a rut these past years. Maybe, if you can, try to heal the relationship you had with your parents/parent or primary caregiver. Try to understand the nature of you guys’ relationship to see how it affects your self worth now. You've got this, trust me.

here is a link to my ko-fi.

[noxtivagus]

a night will never not be complete without me rambling abt ffxiv huh

[elbiotipo]

I can't do a more deep opinion on this orca thing because yeah one can say "go orcas!", it feels good, doesn't it?...

but in fact those must be very scattered cases that won't change the fact that the current situation is that ocean transport is noisy, it's everywhere, and it must be driving these very, very sensitive animals crazy. Before motors, a whale could listen to what was happening in South Africa from the Argentine coast. Now their range of communication must have dropped to only a few kilometers: moreover, all the noise must be insane. There have been studies saying that even things like lawnmowers can make permanent ear damage to small rodents, and birds have had to adapt to city noises (their songs changed to a more "natural" pattern during the pandemic lockdowns) So I can't imagine what such things must be doing to the minds of orcas, one of the animals with the most complex and intelligent behavior registered outside of primates, and extremely sensitive to sound. Can we even understand what they're going through right now.

And this is not to mention the widespread whale (baleen whales, not orcas) hunting that decimated their populations to an absurd degree. All the world is currently going through a beyond worrying trend of defaunation, but whales were particulary hurt. There were 250.000 (estimated) blue whales before whaling, and they were decimated to less than 2000. Even today, with strict conservation measures, there's around 10-25k blue whales, and that's one species. Let that sink in.

Is there a solution to this, besides returning to the age of sail and banning ocean explotation? I don't know, there might be. I hope there is.

When I read about orcas, about their behavior, about their pods with their own almost cultural quirks and even dialects, so much we don't know about them, I only remember Arthur C. Clarke, when he spoke about blue whales: “We do not know the true nature of the entities we are destroying”

[slyscoutess]

paring: sebastian vettel x fem!singer!reader summary: pilots should learn not to comment on their favorite artists . . . or maybe this is their tactic to get what they want writer: the oldest thing in my drafts, it clearly had to be my first passion in formula 1, one of the reasons I liked watching it, listening to Florence + The Machine, I just wanted to leave my love for sebs on record

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yourusername I came for the pleasure, but I stay for the pain . . . New album DANCE FEVER. Out April 19 💙

store.yourname.com

📷: alvarezcamila

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yournameupdate MOTHER IS BACK!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL

ynlnthinker EVERYBODY AND THEIR CHILD FREAKING RIGHT NOW

ynlnandthesiix not her coming back after years with new music and pretending to be normal

vettelchild somebody please check on sebs, i think the man is dead right about now

leclerccough just saw sebastian vettel himself in the likes, she posted it like 2 min ago???

patitowifey father is a hardcore fan just like us fr carlandomind I didn't even know he had Instagram??? pastryf2piastri pretty sure is a fanpage, there is nothing published yet

yournamecuunt Rumors of her divorce emerged in 2020 and she disappeared from the map and now appears with an album out of nowhere

andthesixburner queen behaviour???

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lovingwags New wag in the paddock?

seen at the Australian GP with some friends and members of the band that makes up her shows and team, yn ln was present at the Australian GP, ​​we cannot confirm which garage she was in, but I think we all have a certain hope of one in specific ( Sebastian please makes us proud

view all 475 comments

strollmothering That one blueyfever on twitter beign right all along

blueyfever OF COURSE I FCKING WAS formulaonfacts CAN'T FREAKING BELIEVE IT

ynthinker SCREAMING, CRYING AND THROWING UUUP

minivettel5 This woman is a freaking goddess

vettelhamm Sebastian must be just killing himself right about now

33tororoso Do we, Sebastian Vettel's children, finally have a mother?

maziemillian Isn't he like . . . married? blueyfever yeah! to her!!!! formulaonfacts okay grandma let's get you back to bed

whatamaxemmil I can't wait for blueyfever to be right

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yourusername for years and years the words you didn't let me write suffocated me, the art you never let me see blinded me, the places you left me humiliated me, but finally my Graceland gained a different meaning and I'm no longer stuck in the bathroom with the same headache, everything you wanted from me didn't belong to you and I finally found someone who would give me the pen and not cut out my tongue, all my love, my affection, my future and my choices belong to him.

Because of him I have Dance Fever every night.

DANCE FEVER is yours to listen now.

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yournameupdate OMG IS THAT????

ynlnthinker THAT IS SEBASTIAN VETTEL HIMSELF

vettelmemes OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

vettelchild WHAT DOES THIS MEAAAAAAN

formulaonfacts BLUEY WAS RIGHT WT???

lecfosi BLUEY THE OLDER WISER SIBLING charles_leclerc no? that would be me maxverstappen1 you are neither charles_leclerc I am her favorite lance_stroll keep dreaming

yournamecuunt the grid competing more for her mother's love than for the world championship

georgerussell63 You haven't seen them in person.

sebastianvettel posted a new video.

liked by sebastianvettel, charles_leclerc, lovingwags and 6.569.019 others

yourusername It's been three years and a pandemic of an intense creative process, four years of silently recording every movement of my life until dance fever came to me and was finally delivered to you, four years surrounded by incredible people, and as a thank you for me Wait patiently over the last four years, I'll be sharing a little of what I've been going through.

the Dance Fever bts is now on YouTube, I'm sorry for the length, it's been four years of recording.

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charles_leclerc it's 2 in the mornig

yourusername and why aren't you sleeping, pretty sure already put you in bed?

maxverstappen1 I just stopped my sim race to watch something I basically live? yeah

vettelchild my god the amount of content from yn and sebastian, now I have diabetes and i'm still at 2019, they weren't even dating

lecsainzfosi wait . . . WHAT?

lance_stroll I will assume you got to 2020 and 2021 charles_leclerc often sleep on the sofa in their house during these landonorris you and practically everyone on the grid, even Lewlew charles_leclerc yeah but i am her favorite lance_stroll still on this?

yournamecuunt Now that you are intertwined in the world of F1, do you think Lance should just leave?

yourusername Hell no, that is my child, giving my life for him to be happy, never did anything wrong, will never do , everyone who complains about him just wants to make noise and distractions and isn't worrying about the race tsunodaaaa on my way to make a fanpage for this mother and son duo

The soft tendrils of dawn's first light seeped through the curtains, casting a warm, golden glow upon the tranquil morning. Sebastian, now retired from the racing circuit, still grappled with the novelty of no longer being tethered to the demanding schedules of tracks worldwide. Yet, awakening beside his wife, cocooned in the serenity of their home, provided a deeply soothing sense of contentment.

As Sebastian nestled closer to his beloved, he could feel her gentle warmth radiating beside him. She slept peacefully, her worries and the frenetic pace of everyday life momentarily suspended. Ever since Bee came into their lives, their nights had become a balancing act between tending to their child's needs and stealing moments of rest. But on this particular night, they had slept deeply, as though replenishing themselves from an extended bout of weariness.

Her locks cascaded like silken waves over the pillow, delicately shrouding her serene countenance. The soft curves of her features bespoke the tranquility she had discovered in that fleeting moment of repose. A fond smile tugged at Sebastian's lips as he recalled the countless nights spent awake with her, cradling her in his arms as she delved into the depths of her creative musings. The restorative embrace of a full night's sleep had invigorated Sebastian. He savored a newfound sense of peace and autonomy, a luxury he hadn't known since bidding farewell to the adrenaline-fueled world of racing. Now, he could devote more of himself to his growing family, witnessing Bee's milestones and relishing in the simple joys of marital companionship.

As the world beyond their bedroom gradually stirred to life, the couple remained ensconced in their private sanctuary. Yet, the tranquil ambiance was momentarily shattered by the soft whimper of Bee, captured by the electronic monitor stationed nearby. With a reluctant sigh, Sebastian's wife stirred beside him, bidding farewell to the depths of slumber.

"Sebastian, your daughter wake up . . .", she groaned, as Bee's gentle cry pierced the stillness of the morning, the woman instinctively buried her face into her husband's chest, seeking refuge from the beckoning call of their daughter. Her soft sobs muffled against the warmth of his embrace, a silent plea for a few more moments of respite.

Sebastian couldn't help but chuckle softly at his wife's playful attempt to evade the inevitable. With a tender affection, he ran his fingers through her hair, soothing her frazzled nerves with each gentle stroke. Her muffled laughter reverberated against his chest, a testament to the enduring bond they shared, even amidst the chaos of parenthood. As Bee's cries persisted, Sebastian's wife reluctantly peeled herself away from the sanctuary of his embrace, a resigned smile tugging at the corners of her lips. With a loving glance exchanged between them, they silently acknowledged the shared journey of parenthood, filled with its moments of exhaustion and boundless love. With a whispered promise to return, Sebastian's wife slipped out of bed, ready to embrace the day and tend to their beloved daughter.

As the soft hues of morning bathed the room, casting a gentle glow upon their cozy sanctuary, the woman returned, cradling their precious Bee in her arms. Each step she took seemed to echo with the tender rhythm of maternal love, her eyes alight with a serene radiance that mirrored the dawn's gentle embrace.

Sebastian's heart swelled with affection as he watched his wife approach, the ethereal beauty of motherhood emanating from her every movement. With each delicate sway, Bee stirred slightly in her mother's arms, her angelic face still adorned with the remnants of sleep. As his wife drew nearer, Sebastian's eyes sparkled with an unwavering adoration, a silent testament to the profound love he held for both his wife and their darling daughter. In that fleeting moment, the world seemed to fade away, leaving only the tender bond that bound their family together.

Bee, with her tiny hands outstretched, reached eagerly for her father, her sleepy gaze melting hearts with its innocence. Sebastian's heart skipped a beat as he eagerly scooped her up, enveloping her in a warm embrace that radiated with paternal love. With a contented sigh, his lover gently lowered Bee onto the bed, where the little one wobbled unsteadily before finding her footing. With a gleeful giggle, Bee propelled herself into her father's waiting arms, her laughter filling the room with its infectious melody. Sebastian's heart swelled with pride as he cradled their daughter close, showering her with affectionate kisses that elicited a chorus of delighted squeals. In that moment, surrounded by the warmth of their love, Sebastian's wife couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the family they had created together.

As she reclined on the bed, a gentle hand instinctively drifted to her burgeoning belly, where new life stirred with the promise of tomorrow. With each fluttering kick, her heart overflowed with anticipation, a silent prayer whispered for the blessings that lay ahead.

In the tranquil embrace of their shared love, Sebastian's wife felt as though she had finally found her own personal Graceland—a haven of warmth, purity, and boundless affection. And as the laughter of her husband and daughter echoed through the room, she knew that their home would forever be filled with the sweet symphony of love's enduring melody.

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sebastianvettel My Dearest,

As I sit down to write these words, I find myself immersed in thoughts of you, my heart overflowing with emotions that words alone cannot fully capture. Each day spent by your side feels like ascending to a throne, where you reign as my sovereign, my King. Your presence in my life has granted me a sense of liberation, a feeling of being truly Free from the constraints of the past.

Our journey together has been a whirlwind of joy and passion, a dance of souls caught in the frenzy of love. In your arms, I've discovered a rhythm unlike any other, a Choreomania that consumes us, leaving us breathless yet exhilarated. Whenever I find myself away from you, it's as if I've returned to familiar grounds, back in the embrace of a familiar town. You are my anchor, my sanctuary, my safe haven — a feeling encapsulated in the phrase Back In Town.

Together, we stand united against the odds, defying conventions and societal norms. We are rebels, fighters, Girls Against God in a world that seeks to confine us. In the depths of night, you are my beautiful paradox, my Dream Girl Evil. Your essence is both enchanting and mysterious, a captivating blend that keeps me endlessly intrigued.

Within the walls of our home, our love becomes a sanctuary, a Prayer Factory where we offer our hearts and souls in devotion to each other. It is here, in the sacred space we've created, that I find solace and strength. You possess a wisdom and insight that transcends time, a gift akin to that of the mythical Cassandra. Your intuition guides me, leading me towards a future filled with hope and promise.

In your arms, I've found my heaven, my nirvana — for Heaven is Here, whenever I'm with you. Your presence alone is enough to transform the ordinary into something extraordinary, turning mundane moments into memories I'll cherish forever. Your smile, like a radiant daffodil in a field of blooms, brings light and warmth to even the darkest of days. With you, each moment becomes a celebration of life, a testament to the beauty of love.

My love for you knows no bounds, transcending the limits of time and space. You are my guiding star illuminating the path before me with your boundless affection. Even in moments of separation, I exercise restraint, longing to hold you close yet savoring the anticipation of our reunion. Distance may test us, but it only serves to deepen my love for you, fortifying the bond we share.

Together, we are a force to be reckoned with, a Bomb waiting to explode with passion and desire. In your arms, I find solace, security, and an overwhelming sense of belonging. You are my muse, my inspiration, my Mermaid of the depths. Your allure is irresistible, drawing me in with your ethereal beauty and grace.

My dearest, these words pale in comparison to the depth of my affection for you. You are the beating heart of my existence, the light that guides me through the darkness.

With all my love,

Sebastian

tagged: yourusername

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charles_leclerc alright gonna wrap it up, never gonna be this kind of romantic

carlossainz55 not even shakespere thought about writing something like that, mate

maxverstappen1 When will it be my turn?

kellypiquet what? maxverstappen1 when will it be my turn to be this romantic

lance_stroll MAMA AND PAPA

fernandoalo_oficial beautiful letter, really big, not gonna read but it's wonderful

jensonbutton I've never seen anyone who had so much to say, my god lewishamilton stole all the romance of the century landonorris That's why we live in the century of whoredom

yournamecuunt DID HE JUST MAKE A LETTER WITH ALL HER SONGS IN ORDER?

aussiegrit he's crazy romantic sentimental like that

motheryourname why hasn't yourusername commented yet?

lance_stroll She's here crying like hell at Sebs' farewell party alex_albon She's been really emotional today, with the party and everything. landonorris It's the hormones of this new pregnancy ynthinker THE WHAT sebastianvettel Lando??? yourusername FOR FUCKS SAKE landonorris sorry, sorry SORRY MOTHER

[theetherealbloom]

NORMAL THING

Summary: It's a normal thing to fall in love with movie stars.  

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x Fem!Reader  

Warnings: Age-Gap(ish), Huge Crush, kind of Power Imbalance (cause you’re a fan but nothing absolutely weird), Hurt-to-Comfort, Infatuation, Fluff, ANGST, Dog, Older Sister, COVID-19, Pandemic Era, Cheesy, Awkward, Hallmark-ish Vibes, Whirlwind, Work, 

Word Count: 3k

A/N: That mf voice note-turned-song has me sobbing and dying every time I listen to it. Then I was also listening to "Normal Thing" and was like, “ohhhh this song is for me… help.” I wrote this fic in a place of just… feeling sorry…? Like apologetic that Pedro had to go through that kind of feeling all alone for a while. Anyways, there's a few sentimental moments here inspired by poetry and things I've read and learned, hope you enjoy!

Side note: I’m dyslexic and English isn’t my first language! So I apologize in advance for the spelling and/or grammatical errors. As always, reblogs, comments, and likes are always appreciated. Thank you and happy reading!

Songs: "Normal Thing" by Gracie Abrams, "Pedro" by Omar Apollo

dividers by: @/saradika-graphics

| Main Masterlist |

You had gone to visit your sister during your last summer break before graduating. Then, the second wave of COVID struck Europe, making it uncertain when you could return home. However, since all classes had shifted to online learning, the timing wasn't as critical.

Your older sister calls your name, snapping you out of the book you were absorbed in. "Hey, I’ll be out later getting groceries… do you mind taking Hershey for a walk after dinner?”

Her chocolate brown Labrador retriever, Hershey, a retired service dog, perks up at the mention of his name. You can't help but smile at his eager expression. “Yup, I can take him out later.”

She reminds you, “Don’t forget your mask!”

You playfully roll your eyes at her. “I won’t.”

Your sister thanks you and leaves for the store, leaving you alone with Hershey. You decide to take a short break from studying and take the dog for a walk around the neighborhood.

As you make your way down the quiet streets, Hershey happily sniffing at everything in sight, your thoughts drift to Pedro Pascal. Ever since watching him in The Mandalorian, you couldn't help but develop a bit of a crush on him. His charm and charisma on screen had captured your heart, making it hard for you to focus on anything else.

But it was just a normal thing, right? To have a celebrity crush? You reassure yourself as you continue walking.

You've always been drawn to movie stars and actors. Growing up, you had posters of your favorite celebrities plastered all over your bedroom walls. It was just harmless admiration, nothing more.

But with Pedro, it felt different. You found yourself constantly daydreaming about meeting him or even just catching a glimpse of him in person. You even shamefully admit that you've watched his interviews multiple times just to hear his voice.

It's ridiculous, really. You were fully aware that it was just a fantasy and that nothing would ever come out of it. And even if by some miracle you did meet him, what then? He would never be interested in someone like you - an ordinary college student from a small town.

You sigh and shake your head, trying to push away these silly thoughts as Hershey tugs at his leash to sniff at yet another tree.

But then something catches your eye - a poster for an upcoming film starring none other than Pedro Pascal himself. Your heart flutters at the sight before reality comes crashing down on you once again.

You shake your head and continue walking with Hershey, wondering when this infatuation will finally fade away.

Your older sister had always been supportive, albeit a bit concerned about your celebrity crush. "It's sweet, really," she would say with a soft smile, "but just don't lose yourself in the fantasy, okay?"

Your friends, on the other hand, found your crush hilarious. During your video calls, they would tease you mercilessly. "Come on, you'll never meet him!" one friend would laugh. "It's just a harmless crush, right?" another would add, their tone light but the message clear.

In the privacy of your room, you sometimes found yourself talking to the mirror, practicing speeches you would never give. "Hi, I'm a huge fan… and I just wanted to say..." you'd trail off, feeling foolish. You even practiced smiling and having conversations with yourself, hoping to perfect that effortless charm you admired so much in Pedro.

Yet, your self-awareness kept you grounded. You knew it was just a fantasy, a way to escape the stress of your real life. With a sigh, you would push those daydreams aside and focus on finishing your papers and remaining projects.

You wished one day to work in production, to be a part of the magic that created the worlds you loved to escape into. As you typed away on your laptop, you allowed yourself a small smile. Maybe one day, you would be behind the scenes of a film or a series. But for now, you had work to do, and dreams to turn into reality.

The sun sets late in Switzerland, casting a warm, golden glow over the tranquil residential area. You enjoy these walks, the peacefulness a stark contrast to the bustling city life you're used to.

Right after dinner, you take a stroll with Hershey, you notice a man sitting on a park bench, his shoulders slightly shaking.

Frowning, you glance down at Hershey, who looks up at you with curious eyes. Adjusting your mask, you make your way down the sidewalk, intending to walk past the stranger. But Hershey has other ideas, pulling you towards the bench with a wagging tail.

Instinctively, the man begins to pat Hershey, his touch gentle yet shaky. “Oh, Hershey, wait—” you start to say, but then you notice the tears streaming down the man's face.

You pause, feeling a pang of sympathy. “Do you mind if I sit down?” you ask, gesturing to the far end of the bench.

He looks up, eyes red and puffy, and nods. “It’s fine.”

You sit down, giving him space but staying close enough to offer comfort. You give him your name then look over to your adorably friend-shaped labrador, “And this is Hershey.”

“Pedro,” he replies, his voice barely above a whisper.

There’s a moment of silence, broken only by the soft sounds of Hershey sniffing around. Then, gently, you ask, “So… what’s on your mind?”

Pedro hesitates, struggling to find the words. “I… I don’t even know where to start.”

“I know it might seem a bit strange, but sometimes it's easier to talk to someone you don't know. No judgment, just listening,” you say, offering a reassuring smile.

He chuckles softly, a small spark of warmth in his eyes. “Maybe you’re right.”

“Besides,” you add with a playful grin, “I promise I’m a great listener. I even have a certificate in listening from my sister's dog.”

He laughs – a genuine, heartfelt laugh that seems to lift a weight off his shoulders. Your laugh follows, a sound so infectious and bright that it makes people around you feel lighter, happier.

“Your laugh,” he says, a hint of wonder in his voice. “It’s... special.”

You smile, feeling a warmth spread throughout your face and chest. “Thanks. So, Pedro, what’s been going on? Are you visiting family or…?”

“Oh, no, no. I just… I finished a job.”

“That’s nice. What do you do if you don’t mind me asking?”

He looks a little uncomfortable admitting it but he settles, “I’m um… an actor.”

You smile, your eyes crinkling as you do, “Do you like it?”

“Like what?” He asks in confusion.

“Y’know, acting?”

He takes a deep breath and begins to talk, the words spilling out in a rush. He speaks of the pressures of fame, the loneliness that comes with it, and the crushing weight of expectations. You listen intently, offering empathy and understanding.

“You know…?” he asks, surprised. “You know who I am?”

You nod and shrug. “I… I figured it out after you mentioned some of your projects.”

“You didn’t say anything?”

“I didn’t think I had to.”

Pedro looks confused for a minute, and you offer a simple smile. “I’m not famous or anything extraordinary like you. But I can only imagine how exhausting it must be, constantly looking over your shoulder. Not wanting to mess up or upset people must make you feel like you’re always on the edge, always holding your breath.”

He nods, his expression softening. “That’s exactly it.”

“I've done my fair share of pacing and reeling,” you say with a self-deprecating chuckle. “I even thought it looked cute at times. But I know there's more to life than just this feeling of uncertainty. Even though right now, it feels like there isn't any moment past this one.”

You sigh as your eyes get misty. “In the end, if any of us are going to make it, we simply have to believe. We have to believe that we aren’t alone, that people see us for who we are and what we can be. You have to visualize it; cling to whatever fills you with courage, because the world needs you here. It needs you.”

As the night wears on, you both share stories and laughter, the conversation flowing naturally. By the time you part ways, Pedro looks visibly lighter, as if a burden has been lifted from his shoulders.

Beauty no longer has an effect on Pedro. It takes more than physical appearance to impress him. Instead, it's the ability to intrigue his mind and provoke his thoughts that truly captivates him. That is what he considers someone as magic.

“Thank you,” he says sincerely. “I didn’t realize how much I needed this.”

“Anytime,” you reply. “Had a good time, but I guess I'll see ya. Take care, Pedro.”

Years later, when the world isn’t as plagued by the pandemic, you’re working in New York, living your own life but occasionally checking in on Pedro’s career through social media. He’s become a prominent figure, his face everywhere. Yet, you can’t forget the vulnerable man you met on that bench.

One night, you’re at a bar in the Bowery Hotel with friends. The atmosphere is lively, filled with laughter and chatter. As you share a joke, your laugh rings out, catching the attention of someone across the room.

Pedro looks up, his heart skipping a beat. That laugh – he knows that laugh. His eyes scan the room until they land on you, and for a moment, everything else fades away. He feels an uncanny sense of familiarity, a powerful pull towards you that he can’t quite place.

Your friends laugh at a joke you made, but your mind is already miles away. Tomorrow, you’re heading to Glendale, California, to work as a sound engineer on an upcoming project at DreamWorks Animation. The excitement and nerves flutter in your chest as you excuse yourself to start packing.

Pedro starts to make his way towards you, determined to find out if his instincts are right. Just as he’s halfway across the room, a fan stops him, asking for a picture. He smiles warmly, grateful for the support, and agrees. 

“Thank you so much, Pedro! This means the world to me!” the fan gushes, snapping a quick selfie.

“No problem at all,” he replies, his gaze drifting back to where you were sitting. He quickly wraps up the conversation, eager to see you again. But when he looks back, you’re gone, as if you vanished into thin air.

Pedro’s heart sinks. He scans the room, hoping to catch another glimpse of you, but you’re nowhere to be seen. 

Meanwhile, you’re outside, heading towards the subway station and waving goodbye to your friends. “I have to pack and get some sleep. My flight is early tomorrow morning,” you explain, your excitement barely contained.

Your friends hug you, wishing you luck on your new endeavor. As you descend down the stairs and board the subway train, your thoughts drift back to all those years ago, on the little bench, and now the bar, to the man whose presence had stirred something deep within you. You shake your head, putting on your headphones, distracting yourself with your favorite songs on your playlist.

Inside the bar, Pedro stands in the exact spot where he last caught a glimpse of you. A strange mix of disappointment and determination fills him, knowing he must find you again. The connection he felt was too strong to ignore – he needs to see if it was genuine or just a fleeting moment between two strangers on a park bench all those years ago.

The next day, you arrive at the DreamWorks Animation campus in Glendale, California. The excitement and nervousness intertwine as you step into the studio, ready to start your new role as a sound engineer. 

Your supervisor gives you a brief overview of the project, "The Wild Robot," an animated film in production. "We need you to record and mix the voice actors' takes for each character," he explains. "Attention to detail is crucial – the right sound can bring the characters to life."

You nod, absorbing the requirements of your new role. "Got it. I'll make sure every line is perfect."

As you glance at the cast sheet for the voice actors, you notice that a few roles are still being finalized. Your mind drifts back to the previous night, to the man in the bar who looked so familiar. Shaking off the distraction, you focus on the task at hand. 

Your days are filled with recording sessions and mixing tracks, immersing yourself in the world of "The Wild Robot." The work is demanding but rewarding, and you throw yourself into it with everything you have. 

Despite your busy schedule, thoughts of the bench in Lucerne and the glimpse of him at the bar keep creeping back into your mind. The way Pedro had looked at you, the sense of connection you felt—it all seems so surreal now. You can’t help but wonder if you’ll ever see him again. The story you want is the story you get. Are you special, or was this all scripted in his head?

Back in his home in LA, Pedro can't shake the feeling that he needs to find you. He starts making discreet inquiries, hoping to track you down without drawing too much attention. The memory of your laughter and the warmth in your eyes keeps him going. He knows he needs to see you again, to see if what he felt was real.

As you finish another recording session, you glance at the cast sheet again. A new name catches your eye—Pedro Pascal as Fink the fox. Your heart skips a beat. Could it be him? The thought is both thrilling and terrifying.

Taking a deep breath, you try to focus on your work, but your mind keeps drifting back to the possibility. What if it really is him? What if fate has brought you together again? The anticipation builds as you wait for the next recording session, hoping that your paths will cross once more.

When the day finally arrives, you’re setting up the recording equipment, your hands trembling slightly with nervous energy. The door opens, and you hear footsteps approaching. You look up, and there he is—Pedro Pascal, standing in the doorway, looking just as surprised to see you.

“Hi,” he says, his voice soft yet filled with emotion. “It’s you.”

You smile, trying to steady your racing heart. “Yeah, it’s me. I didn’t expect to see you here. Well, I mean,” you start to fidget with your fingers, stumbling over your words, “I read the call sheet and I—”

“I didn’t expect to find you either,” he admits, taking a step closer. “But I’m glad I did.”

There’s a moment of silence, both of you taking in the significance of this unexpected reunion. Then, with a gentle smile, Pedro says, “Do you have time to catch up after this?”

You nod, feeling a rush of warmth and excitement. “I’d like that.”

As the recording session progresses, you can’t help but steal glances at Pedro, who seems equally distracted. When it’s finally over, you pack up your equipment, your heart pounding with anticipation.

Outside the studio, the two of you find a quiet corner to talk. Pedro takes your hand, his touch warm and reassuring. “I’ve thought about you a lot,” he admits. “Ever since that night in Lucerne, and then seeing you again at the bar… I knew I had to find you.”

“I’ve thought about you too,” you confess, your voice barely above a whisper. “I didn’t know if it was real or I just made it all up in my head.”

“It’s real,” Pedro says, his gaze intense and sincere. “And I want to see where this goes, if you do too.”

You smile, feeling a sense of hope and possibility. “I’d like that very much.”

The air between you and Pedro is charged with electric energy as you talk and laugh, baring your souls to each other like old friends. Time seems to stand still as you swap stories and reveal your deepest desires, the connection between you growing stronger with each passing moment. This is more than just a chance encounter; and the both of you can feel the spark of something new and thrilling forming between you.

[alastor-simp]

Sensitive Soul😔 - Alastor x Reader

Requested by @ju1yyyzzz

The Hazbin gang were all lounging around the lobby, minding their own business. Charlie was reading a story book, definitely romance. Vaggie had her spear in her hand, practicing her moves. Sir Pentious was observing her. Apparently Vaggie wanted to teach him some physical combat, since he relied too much on his gadgets and egg minions. He was sloppy, but he had a lot of confidence, which Vaggie respected. Angel dust was chatting away at the bar with Husk. Their relationship had improved a lot, leaving you feeling very happy to the point you cried. Zooming sounds were happening all across the room. It was Niffty, chasing after the insects with a knitting needle. The look in her eye was crazy and glad she was aiming it towards the bugs, and not you. Alastor was relaxing against a chair, legs crossed while sipping from a coffee mug. The hotel radio was playing a broadcast from the human world. The fact that it could pick up stations from the living world was insane. Must have been Alastor's doing since he always looking for more entertainment.

The phone in your hand was your source of entertainment for the time being, as you kept flipping through Sinstagram. Static emanated from the radio, beginning to play a broadcast in regards to some sort of pandemic happening on earth. The grin radiating on Alastor's face was nerve wracking, as he continued to listen in on it. "HAHA! How utterly entertaning! Makes me remember the good old days during the Great Depression! So many orphans!" It felt like you had been punched in the stomach. 'How could he find that entertaining'. Your thoughts were becoming depressing, and tears began to appear in your eyes. Charlie took a break from her book, and looked up, noticing your sad expression. "Y/N, Why are you crying?" Realization hit you as you touched your cheek and felt wetness. The room got quiet, everyone gazing at you with concerned looks including Alastor. "I-I'm I-. I need to be excused." Jumping from where you were sitting, you rushed out of the room, leaving everyone confused. Angel was the first to speak up: "What the f✪✪✪ was that about?"

Charlie felt the need to comfort you, but she concluded that your probably needed a minute to calm down. She looked around the room, observing everyone. "Did any of you say anything to them?" Everyone shrugged their shoulders, stumped. Niffty zoomed next to Charlie, wanting to tell her something. "She started to cry when Alastor was laughing about something on the radio." Eyes all turned to Al. Alastor still had a smile on his face, but mentally he was riddled with confusion. "I was only reminiscing about the past! My words did not bare any insults towards them!" A spear was drawn at his face, causing him to arch an eyebrow. Ohh how scary he thought. Vaggie was fuming, nearly about to strike Alastor. "Whatever you said apparently made them upset! Now go and check on them, bastardo!" The air grew ominous, as Alastor powers began to expand, clouding the room with black mist. The smile on his face began to grow monstrous, as his eyes turned into radio dials. "Now Vaggie! There is no need for threats! But I advise that you lower your w̶͈̒͜è̶̫̤͖̃̀̔̋́a̴̝̮̾̽̋̌̈́̎̍p̵̳̟̩͈̬̹͓̔̀͌ó̸̟̃ṇ̵̹̻̽̉ ̶̩̞͓̃̓͌̈́ȍ̷̬ṛ̸̨̡͈̹́͜ ̵̡͈̰͎́̚ḛ̴̞̯̭̥͊̅̇̃̎̆l̵̖̔͑͆̿s̸̙̐̌̐̆̓͠è̵̛̻͑̓̊͠!" Charlie jumped between the both of them, wanting to appease the situation. "Vaggie Stop!" Charlie words reached her girlfriend, causing the spear to be lowered, as she crossed her arms. Charlie then looked at Alastor, who had managed to calm down slightly, yet the air was still tense. "Alastor. Could you please check on Y/N?" A shook of his head, brought him back to normal, as he stood up from the couch. "All right!" The staff in his hand at appeared, giving it a twirl before he stood up from the couch, walking away with his hands behind his back.

"Now where could the little darling have gone?" Alastor announced to himself, as he ventured down the hallways. His first place to look would be your room. Giving a rhythmic tap on the door, he waited for you to open the door. His ears twitched, trying to pinpoint any sounds from the other side, but heard none. "Hmm. Not here." Alastor continued to look for you. The last place to look was the hotel garden. It needed a lot of weeding and pruning when he first arrived at the Hotel. Niffty and you were able to fix it right up, planting certain hellflowers and fruits and vegetables. Sounds of sniffling reached Alastor's ears, "Ah so you were here!" he thought. He found on curled on the ground, laying on the concrete ground, admiring the flowers. His eyes noticed the tear streaks that were still prominent on your cheeks. Turning your head around, you saw Alastor standing next to you, before looking away. "Why the long face my dear?" Alastor chortled to himself, while you remained silent. Your lack of silence bothered Al. He still couldn't piece together why you were crying in the lobby? He snapped his fingers, causing a cushion to appear on the ground. He didn't want to dirty his pants. Plopping down, he continued to look at you. His smile stayed the same, but his eyes were looking at you with slight concern.

"My dear, what has you so upset? Was it something I did in the lobby that bothered you?" He patiently waited for your answer. Wiping your tears with your sleeve, you turned your head towards him. "You didn't do anything Al. It was the topic you brought up that got to me!" Cocking his head, he pondered what you said. A lightbulb flashed in his head. "Ahh yes! The great depression!" His smile became giddy. His entertainment for misery was appearing again. "Yes. I know to you it was highly entertaining, but to others it wasn't. It just made be think about all the hard-times during that time, and the orphans and what-not. I know its stupid to cry over something like that, but certain things or topics I'm very sensitive too. Often times it results in my breaking down in tears like you just saw." Alastor continued to stare at you, while you talked. He was relieved he didn't cause something directly to upset you, but it did stun him a a bit at your reasoning. His years being a radio host/serial killer harden him, to the point certain depressing topics became utter joy for him. It gave him a bit of realization that subjects like this were very bothersome to others, including you. "I apologized if I worried you and the others. Just didn't want to cry in front of all of you over something stupid. Wish I wasn't such a cry-baby." Casting your eyes down, you gazed at ground.

A fluffy material touched your cheek, causing you to jump. Looking at Al, he was cleaning your face with a handkerchief. His signature smile, had dropped. It wasn't a frown, but he was a full on smile either. More of a slight grin. "Y/N, there is nothing wrong with crying over stuff like this. My time in Hell has made me immune to depressing topics. This doesn't make you a cry-baby, it just means that you have a pure soul. You care about the well being of others greatly, to the point of tears. It is quite alright my dear, and I would like to give a proper apology to you." His words were insanely sweet. More tears began to pour out your eyes, shocking Alastor even more.

"My dear?! What did I say? Why are the tears still coming from your eyes?" His actions were frantic, as he continued to wipe the tears from your eyes. The tears still flowed, but a smile was on your face. "Hehe, I'm sorry. Your words were very sweet and just made me very happy that I wanted to cry." Alastor gave a chuckle as well, shaking his head. "My my what a strange demon you were. Still, you were very adorable." He thought to himself. Soon the handkerchief had removed all of the tears that were flowing down. The signature grin he wore returned, as he got up from his position, snapping the cushion away. His hand extended out to you, allowing you to grab it. Being pulled up, you got up off the ground, and stood in front of Alastor. His other hand was placed on your cheek, giving it a stroke before returning back to him. "Shall we head back my dear? The others must be getting worried!" He smiled down at you, to which you responded back with a nod, as the both of you walked together out of the garden to rejoin the others.

~END~

*Tagging*

@pepperycookie , @yourdoorisunlocked, @ghostdoodlen , @aceofcards0-0 , @jyoongim , @saturnhas82moons , @unholycheesesnack, @luujjvi, @forbidden-sunlight , @pinkcrystal44 , @veethewriter , @rains-sleeping , @danveration , @demoarah , @cookiekyo , @iiotic , @delectableworm , @91062854-ka , @alastorsgoldie

[gretavangroupie]

Listen

Pairing: Josh Kiszka x Female Reader

Word Count: 18.6k

Warnings: Cursing, Drinking, Angst, Sexual Themes and ASMR. Smut: Dirty Talk, Touching, Kissing, Sensory Deprivation, Voice Kink, Oral F!Receiving, Fingering, Auralism, Edging, Unprotected Sex, Fluff.

“This moment is just as it should be. 

As if it’s meant to be. 

Supposed to be. 

There’s nothing you should be experiencing other than what is happening right now, right here. 

You came here to step out of the confines of your mind. 

So just let go. 

Let the spaciousness take over. 

Become it. 

You’re allowed to fully be here. 

It is safe to fully be here. 

You’re safe.”

His voice is like honey, saccharine and sultry as it enters your ears, his gentle, soft timbre luring you into a state of peace you’ve never been able to find anywhere else. You feel weightless as you lie in your bed, letting his perfectly formed words lap at your dizzy mind like a warm gulf wave. 

“You are this field of consciousness. 

You are the space from which thoughts come into being and dissolves back. 

You are the silence from which sound comes into being and dissolves back into you. 

You are the stillness from which movement comes into being, dissolving back into you. 

My gentle invitation for you today is to just remain spacious in the truest, felt sense, feeling.” 

You bask in the sound of his voice and the feelings it elicits inside you. The peace you feel only when listening to him as he guides you through his meticulously crafted meditations night after night. You came upon his channel by accident, feeling unable to wind down on your own post pandemic. A quick search for ‘guided relaxation’ sent you straight to his channel, full of ASMR meditations. You’d never been one to enjoy ASMR before, but you thought it couldn’t hurt to try something new. Now, since that first night of listening you’ve hardly been able to skip a day since, watching the same twenty or thirty videos, and praying for a new upload to grace the list.

It’s been over a year since that night, when Youtube gave you the greatest gift you could have asked for at the time. You now look forward to his videos, never knowing when he will upload, but knowing that you and thousands of others tune in religiously when he does. Weeks will pass without a new video, relying on older uploads to get you through, then he will reappear, posting them almost nightly before disappearing again. 

“Slowly begin to wiggle your fingers and toes, restoring some movement back in the body. 

Coming back into your room. 

Take in your surroundings. 

Take a deep breath in and let it out. 

When you’re ready, gently open your eyes and take in what you see in front of you. 

Notice if anything looks different. 

Know that technically the meditation doesn’t have to end here. 

Because in meditation you’re just being. 

And you’re being all of the time, in every moment.”

As you open your eyes you’re met with the sight of him. At least the portion he allows his viewers to see. Only the lower portion of his face is visible in the camera, stating he wanted people to focus on his words, and not on his movements. At times it’s hard to focus on the words he is saying, your mind drawn instead to the way his lips moved as he spoke, and the intricacies of his accent. It was unlike anything you’d ever heard before, clean, bright and comforting.

Your lashes flutter against your lids as your eyes lock in on him. You can see the plush pink curve of his lips, shining in the dull lighting of his room. The sprinkling of dark brown hair on his upper lip and chin. The perfect rosy shade of his cheeks as they break away to showcase his gentle, bright smile. 

A warmth fills your chest as you watch the stranger on the screen, never revealing anything more of himself than the bottom of his face. You wonder what his eyes must look like, his hair, the furrow of his brow in deep concentration as he leads you into meditation. The orange glow of his room behind him casts a perfect hue against his skin, so warm you wish you could reach out and touch it. All you know of him is half of his face, the dark, worn leather chair he sits in and the beautiful abstract art hanging on the wall behind him.

In your year of watching him, he’s never revealed any more of himself, not even his name. You only know him as ‘The Unknown Nightingale’. An interesting channel name for an even more mysterious person. You wonder what he must be like outside of his videos. You wonder how his night continues after he ends each session. You wonder what he does for work, or if he even works at all. Every now and then he will impart a small glimpse of his life into his videos, speaking of a stressful day, or a happy day, but some days he says nothing at all. 

As tonight's new video draws to a close, you bring yourself back to center, focusing on the fullness of his lips as he speaks. 

“I hope that you found this meditation helpful and that you’re leaving this video feeling relaxed and at peace. 

Please let me know your thoughts in the comments below. 

I would love to hear from you. 

Sending you all my love, light and healing until we meet again.”

With a sigh, you press the button on the screen, closing the video as his parting words echo through your ears. You briefly consider leaving a comment on the video, but decide against it. You place your phone on the charger and drop it on your nightstand before pulling your airpods from your ears and returning them back to their case. You feel calm and peaceful as your room glows blue, settling back onto your pillow to let your mind drift off to sleep. 

Your phone vibrates on the nightstand, causing your eyes to pop open. You grab the phone squinting at the brightness of the screen as you see Evie’s name in the banner. 

Evie

10:43PM: Wanna do something crazy? Come meet me at Orchid Club… 

You huff a laugh as your thumbs quickly type on the glass. 

You

10:44PM: What? Right now? It’s like 11:00…

She texts back almost immediately, as if she was waiting for your reply.

Evie

10:45PM: Yes! Right now. Come on, it will be fun. It’ll be like college all over again lol 

You

10:46PM: I feel like that could be a bad thing

Evie

10:47PM: oh please

10:47PM: get your butt dressed and get here, you can crash at my place if you drink too much

You consider the fact that it is a Friday night, and is still fairly early for the Nashville bar scene. With a regretful sigh you respond, hoping you aren’t making a bad decision. 

You

10:49PM: Alright, fine. Just give me a little bit and I’ll meet you there. 

Evie

10:50PM: Yessssssss! I’ll meet you at the bar

You reach over and turn on your lamp, adjusting to the brighter lighting in the room as you mentally run through your closet. You do the responsible thing and order an Uber, knowing you shouldn't drive, and see that it will be here in twenty minutes. Pulling yourself from your nice warm bed you pad into the closet and thumb through the hangers looking for something that didn’t scream homebody. A white floral number catches your eye, and knowing that it’s summer in Tennessee, you decide that a dress is your best option. It’s sleeveless, dotted with pale pink flowers and buttons down the front to your mid thigh. It has been hanging, waiting to be worn for a few weeks, and tonight seemed like that night.

You strip out of your pajamas and pull the dress over your head, rushing to the bathroom to touch up your hair and give yourself a light dusting of makeup. You knew you only bargained for a drink or two, so you weren’t going to do anything extravagant. You give yourself a quick messy braid and swipe on some lip gloss, giving yourself a spray of perfume before heading back to the closet to decide on shoes. A pair of brown sandals completes the look, and as you look in the mirror you think that for ten minutes you didn’t look half bad. You even look kinda hot. 

Your phone alerts you that the Uber is outside, and while you briefly consider crawling back into bed, you instead grab your purse and head out the door. An awkward conversation later you find yourself outside The Orchid Club, thanking the heavens above that you didn’t end up in the Cumberland River. The bar is crowded, the dark purple lighting making it hard to navigate through the crowd of people. You make your way to the bar, finally seeing Evie at the end, dressed in a black leather mini dress. 

“No way, you actually came?!” she shouts, wrapping her arms around you. Her eyes travel up and down your body with a smirk, “Holy shit you look hot.”

You blush at her words wondering if it was true, “What? No! I– I didn’t even do my hair!” 

She rolls her eyes at that, “Pft, please. You always look good, even if you just roll out of bed,” she laughs. You consider telling her that was exactly where you were, but decide against it. 

You grab the barstool next to her, “Okay, what are we drinking?”

“Well, if we are playing college, then Tequila shots, no?” she smirks, motioning ‘four tequila’s’ to the bartender. 

“Oh my god, Evie, you’re going to have to roll me out of here!” you shout, not expecting Tequila right off the bat. The bartender pushes the four shot glasses towards the two of you, followed by a bowl of limes and a salt shaker. 

“Oh come on, you used to drink me under the table, Y/N.” she giggles. “Let’s loosen up.”

You sigh and grab the small glass, tapping it to hers as you grab a lime from the bowl. You tip the glass to your lips and drink down the fiery liquid before sucking the sour juice from the lime. 

“Shit, s’got a kick to it,” Evie laughs, “Ready for another?”

“Let’s get it over with,” you giggle, feeling the warmth wash through you already. 

You repeat the process again, slamming the shot glass down on the sticky bartop. “Okay,” you cough, “Let’s let those work for a second.”

“I’m so glad you came out, you never do!” she whines. “We’re gonna have so much fun tonight!”

“I’m trying to be better about it, you know I’m really set in my routine…” you offer. 

“I know, and I get it, but sometimes you just have to take a chance on a night out!” Her smile is sweet and genuine, the purple neon lights glowing on the apples of her cheeks. You can feel the alcohol setting in, and your cares are slowly starting to melt away. 

“Oh my god, guess what I did last night?” she asks, changing the subject abruptly.

“Tell me,” you urge, crossing your legs on the squeaky barstool 

“So I was on Hinge right…”

“Right…” you contine.

“And I matched with this super cute guy,” she pauses, wiggling her brows, “And we went for drinks last night…” she says, toying with the straw of her watered down drink.

“Yes, yes, continue…”

“And I maybe went back to his place…” she says sheepishly. 

“Evie!” you shout, letting out an exasperated sigh. 

“Okay well tell me why he lives in a mansion!” she shouts. 

“God, well, if he is our age with a mansion I’m gonna guess trust fund,” you jab. 

“He’s like rich rich. Mansion in the mountains with a theater and underground wine cellar rich,” she continues, “Anyway, I think he is meeting me here tonight.”

“Oh my god, you called me out here to be your wing woman?!” you ask. 

"No, I called you because I am a good friend, who wanted to lift you out of that little house of isolation you've been hiding out in. But hey, now that you mention it, being my wing woman might not be a bad idea..."

You huff out a sigh, knowing she’s right. “Fine, but what is his name at least?”

“Oh, right, his name is Noah Scott and he’s got the prettiest green eyes you’ve ever seen. Blonde hair and a five o’clock shadow,” she gushes, motioning for the bartender. She orders two mixed drinks for the both of you, and you silently thank the lord above it's not another Tequila shot.

“Sounds exactly like your type,” you giggle.

She grins and nods in agreement, “Oh yeah, he is for sure my type, and he's the perfect amount of cocky, you know? He's so confident, it's like damn…” She stares off into space for a minute before popping back into the present, “Do you have to pee? I have to pee. Come with me!”

She pulls you from the barstool, dragging you behind her into the bathroom. You set your drink down on the counter and take the time to pull a few pieces of hair out of your braid to frame your face, your cheeks already growing rosy from the alcohol. 

Evie watches as you fix your hair as she steps out of the stall and grins. “You are actually so hot, you know that, right Y/N?” She then starts to touch up her makeup in the mirror, even though you know she doesn't need it. 

“Oh my gosh, stop I already told you I didn’t even put effort in. I didn’t realize how crowded it was going to be or I would have tried a little harder.” you laugh. 

“Please,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “Seriously though, how are you still single? Twenty men broke their necks looking at you when you walked in, I swear.”

“Oh my god Evie, shut up! No they didn’t!” you counter.

“Girl yes, they did! You’re hot, I don’t know what the hell you’re doing at home alone all the time. You should be out here turning heads. Not at home living the single life.”

“I mean, I’m not single by choice!” you laugh, rolling your eyes.

“Then what's holding you back,” she asks, giving you a sympathetic look. “Cause you could have any guy you want, I can't believe you don't have a line of men breaking down your door.”

You refuse to admit the real reason, knowing the words leaving your lips would have you committed. No one could ever know about your nightly ritual, not ever. 

“Just haven’t found someone that checks the boxes, you know?” you lie. 

She snorts and shakes her head, seeing through your flimsy excuse. “Oh, please Y/N,” she says, putting a hand on her hip. "You're too picky, I think. You have some impossible guy in your head that only exists in movies.”

Youtube videos, but close.

“What’s with the barrage of questions? I thought we were finding your man tonight, not mine?” you say, changing the subject. 

She rolls her eyes and huffs in annoyance, but drops it. 

“Right, you're right. My man.” She takes a deep breath and smooths her hair back, checking herself in the mirror once more. “Okay, I'm ready. Let's go before he gets here.”

As you make your way back to the bar, Evie scans the room for any sign of Noah. Then her face lights up, and she starts to lead you through the crowd. “There he is! That's him right there.”

But before you could turn your head and look, you were met with a body colliding into yours, spilling your drink and theirs down the front of your dress. 

“Shit!” you shout, the ice cold drink soaking the fabric down to your skin. 

The offending person turns around, a deep set guilt on his face as his eyes meet yours. You’re positive your anger is bubbling to the surface, but it dissipates as you realize it truly might have been an accident. 

“Oh my gosh, I am so terribly sorry. My brother just bumped into me, and maybe I’ve had more to drink than I thought…I lost my balance. I am so sorry, please, let me buy you another as an apology.” the man says, his tone soft and genuine. 

As you turn to look at Evie, you find her across the room practically in the lap of the man she was waiting for. Perfect. You shake the vodka and Sprite off of your arms, debating whether you should just leave or tough it out and let this clumsy stranger buy your replacement drink. 

He knows he is a bit more intoxicated than you but in the back of his mind, he thinks that you are the most attractive woman he’s ever seen. He stands there with his mouth slightly open as if he’s shocked that he spilled his drink on you of all people. He shakes his head and clears his throat and finally speaks.

“Again, I am so sorry, I don’t know what got into me,  I don’t usually drink this much–  My brother and I are just celebrating something…”

There is something about the way he is looking at you that makes you want to accept, despite your wet dress and sticky skin. He bites his lips together as he sets his empty cup on a table, shoving his hands into the pockets of his khaki colored pants. Something about the look in his face softens your heart. 

“Alright,” you accept, “Just don’t spill this one on me, deal?”

He looks surprised that you’ve agreed, a pink blush tinting his cheeks, visible even in the purple lighting.

“Of course, wouldn’t dream of it.” he smiles. His teeth are perfectly white and straight, shocking you a little with how quickly it brought a smile to your own face. “I’m Josh by the way,” he says, pulling your attention away from his smile. 

“Oh, um Y/N,” you say, offering your hand to him. 

He takes your hand softly, his grasp is light and warm on yours. He shakes gently with a small smile and you notice that he never lets go of your hand but he also doesn’t seem to notice that he’s still holding on to it either.

“Nice to meet you, Y/N. That’s a pretty name.” You notice a dimple in his cheek, your heart instinctively fluttering at the sight of it. Something about him is just different, and you feel drawn to his presence. 

“Thanks,” you blush, suddenly feeling shy about the whole interaction. 

“Are you here by yourself?” he asks as he leads you towards the bar, still holding your hand. “Not that it matters if you’re here by yourself,” he laughs softly “Just wondering if you were here with a friend or something?”

For some reason you don’t make moves to let go of his hand, secretly enjoying the warmth of his soft touch. “I met my friend here, but it seems I lost her during our little drink mishap,” you giggle. 

He grins as you giggle. Your laugh had a certain ring to it, not like anybody else’s he’d ever heard, and he found himself wanting to hear it again as soon as possible. He leads you to two barstools and sits down, offering the seat next to him. 

“Well that’s a shame,” he chuckles softly. “And now you’re stuck with me.”

“Not necessarily… Aren’t you here with your brother?” you ask, leaning your elbow onto the wooden bar top. 

He laughs when you call him out, a wave of warmth washing over you as you hear it. Within a matter of minutes you find yourself completely enamored with this stranger, desperate to know more about him. 

“Right, yeah, he’s around. Somewhere,” he says, waving his other hand around in search of his brother who was most likely at the pool table on the other side of the bar. ​​“Honestly, I’ve already kind of forgotten why we’re even celebrating,” he laughs again before resting his chin in his free hand, “You just seem more important at the moment.”

You swallow nervously, feeling a tingle in your stomach you haven’t felt in a long time. 

He notices that you seem nervous and a twinge of excitement rushes through him. It seemed to him that you were feeling the same thing he was.

“I didn’t really catch what you were drinking before,” he nods towards the bar in front of you, “So what is it that I can replace for you?”

“O-oh, it was a Vodka and Sprite,” you answer, wetting your lips. 

He nods in agreement but in his head he is paying more attention to the way your lips glisten as you moisten them to speak. The thought of your lips was quickly taking over his mind and he found himself wondering what it would be like to run his fingers over the fullness of your bottom lip. 

“So what do you do when you’re not being spilled on by drunk guys in bars?”

You smile a little at his playful jab at himself, “Well, I’m a Music Data Analyst, it’s incredibly stressful, especially in a city like this.”

He grins, and he can’t help letting out a small laugh at your comment. The bartender places the two drinks in front of the two of you. He took a sip of his, keeping eye contact with you. His hand reaches out to pat the top of yours instinctively, but instead of pulling it away he lets it linger there, just on top of yours.

“Ah, the music industry... I couldn’t imagine working with stuck up, high maintenance musicians everyday.”

“It can be tough at times, but luckily I’m on the backside of things. But enough about me, what about you?” you ask, taking a sip of your fresh drink. 

He paused for a moment, trying to think about how he would reply to you. Should he tell you that he’s a famous singer with a band who’s touring the world? Did you already know who he was? Surely not…His brain is screaming at him to not mention his profession at all, be a normal guy for once. 

“I do a plethora of things, really. I’m a creative,” he answers, hoping you will accept it without a second thought.

“Actually, would you want to come meet my brother by chance?” he asks, narrowly avoiding answering your question. 

“Oh, um s-sure?” you answer, grabbing your drink. 

“Come on, I saw him by the pool table a little while ago,” he said, trying to contain his excitement. He took another drink of his vodka and then placed it on the bar, standing from his barstool with you.

He was about to let go of your hand to usher you through the crowd but found himself unable to. Your hand fit perfectly in his and he had somehow convinced himself that letting go would be the biggest mistake of his life.

He led you gently across the loud and crowded bar, the warmth and feel of his hand enclosing yours gave you a strange sense of comfort and familiarity. There was just something about him that you couldn’t shy away from. You felt drawn to him in a way you couldn’t yet explain. He moved around the crowd with practiced ease, knowing just where to move so as to not run into anyone. Before long you were at the pool tables.

“Jake!” Josh exclaimed, nudging his brother on the shoulder. Jake turned to look at him, beer in hand. You smiled shyly at the man, who was much different looking than his brother, though in a way oddly the exact same.

Jake turned to look at you, eyeing you closely. He had that same, cocky and charming smile on his face as he looked between you and his brother, noticing Josh was holding on to your hand. He knew his brother like the back of his hand and knew that he was already completely taken by you. He took a drink of his beer before speaking.

“Well, what do we have here, brother?” he smirked.

“This is Y/N,” Josh answered. 

Jake smiled and took another drink, eyeing you carefully and then his brother. He knew that look in Josh’s eyes all too well. He held out his free hand to you and shook yours with a firm grip.

“Nice to meet you, Y/N, I’m Jake, Josh’s much cooler brother,” he joked.

“We’re twins, actually,” Josh interjects. 

“Twins?” you laugh, looking between the two of them. The differences in their appearance were strikingly different, but they shared identical features.

Jake laughs and gives his brother a sly smile.  “Yeah we are. However, I am the slightly better looking one.”

Josh turns to you with a surprised look on his face, “You know what, on second thought, this was a terrible idea. Maybe we should go back to the bar.”

“So cooler and better looking?” You tease, “Seems like a lot to carry.”

“Oh you have no idea, but I deal with the pressure well,” he answers, smirking as he sips his beer. You feel Josh’s hand tighten on yours pulling your focus back to him, suddenly remembering that Evie is somewhere in this bar without you.

“I should probably go find my friend,” you say, peering over his shoulder. 

He instantly feels the panic rise within him, dropping your hand as he speaks, “O-oh, yeah, absolutely.”

You furrow your brow as you look at him, already mourning the loss of his touch. “Are you not coming with me?”

His charming smile returns to his lips, a peek of his white teeth showing beneath his lips as he nods. He turns over his shoulder to look at Jake, who is staring inquisitively at the two of you.  

“Later.” Josh says, giving him a knowing look. Jake smirks and waves him off, returning back to his game of pool as the two of you begin to walk away. 

Josh follows your lead with his hand on your back as you weave through the crowd in search of Evie. The heat of his palm made your heart leap into your throat. He was glad to be able to touch you again, if only the small part of your back. As you continued making your way through the crowd, his palm slid up your back and rested between your shoulder blades, his fingers lightly caressing you as you looked around for your friend.

“I’m starting to feel like she left…” you say, a slight crack in your voice. 

His touch slowed and his hand came to a stop, resting just below your neck on your back. He could sense your disappointment as you said those words and he didn't like it.

“Maybe she did,” He said, a trace of irritation in his voice. He was secretly hoping she did so that he could have you all to himself. It was selfish, he knew, but the thought of sharing your attention right now was making his blood boil. “Hey…”

“Yes?” you answered, spinning to face him. His hand still lingered at the base of your neck, his fingertips still moving absentmindedly. 

He didn't know what to say, he just wanted to listen to the sound of your voice. He moved in closer, his hand slipping down to just above the small of your back, as he leaned down to speak to you. His breath was warm on your ear.

“The night is still young,” he whispered, his lips almost brushing against your ear. “There’s still plenty of trouble to get into.”

Something about his voice and the cadence of his words sent a shiver down your spine. You wanted more. You wanted him to keep talking. You didn’t care if he read you the phonebook. You pulled away from him, letting your eyes meet his as you gave him a knowing look. “What kind of trouble?”

He leaned in again, his hot breath on your ear as he chuckled softly. It took him a moment to answer as he was distracted by the smell of your perfume, a sweet and intoxicating smell that he wanted to bury his nose in. He let out a shaky breath before answering.

“Oh, I think you already know the kind of trouble I’m talking about,” he said, his voice dripping with something other than alcohol.

Something about this man had you ready and willing to throw caution to the wind. Every atom in your body was drawn to him, and you were having a hard time convincing yourself that a little bit of trouble didn’t sound like a good time. 

“Maybe I don't... Enlighten me, Josh.” you answered. 

He stood up straight again, a devilish grin on his face. His eyes traced over you for a moment, admiring your facial features and your body in your dress. He let out another laugh, this one lower and more seductive than his previous one.

“Maybe I will. But not here,” he said, his eyes scanning the room. “Come with me.”

“Can I trust you?” you ask with a teasing tone. 

He looked you up and down, his eyes finally meeting yours, his lips still in that sinful smile. A smirk appeared on his face and he stepped closer to you, his body now nearly pressed up against yours, and he looked down at you. His hand came up and his cold fingers lightly traced the edge of your jaw. He leaned down and spoke into your ear in a low whisper, his lips barely touching you. “Only one way to find out, sweetheart.”

You smile and nod, “Alright then, take me away…”

His own smile widened as you took his hand. His fingers wrapped around yours like a vice as he began to lead you through the bar. His eyes scanned the room as he led you, knowing where to weave around people as they danced and walked. Before long, you two were outside and away from the music and chaos of the bar.

“Are we leaving?” you ask, feeling the warm summer air against your skin.

“No, I’m just getting you away from the people and the noise for a bit.” He chuckled, slowing as he led you towards an archway of lights. His hand remained clutching yours tightly, enjoying the way your fingers intertwined with his. He continued to lead you towards the archway with no other plan except to be alone with you. “I prefer the quiet.”

He smiled, a small genuine smile that sent a flutter through your stomach. He guided you through the archway into an adjacent room. Once inside it was immediately quieter and secluded. It was still bright, but the only things illuminating the room were the strings of lights hung on the walls and the low glow coming from a few lights above.

“This is nicer,” he said softly, his thumb absently stroking the back of your hand.

“I didn’t even know this was here?” you say, looking around at the additional bar space. 

“Yeah it’s secluded, most people don’t,” he says as he walks you over to a small table in the corner. He lets go of your hand to pull out a chair for you. “Sink into that. I’ll go grab us another drink.”

You sit down in the chair and watch as he makes his way over towards the second bar area. Only a few people are in this portion of the bar, the vibe much quieter and way less rowdy. 

The music is low and slow and Josh smiles to himself as he approaches the bar stools. He signals over to the bartender and orders two more vodka and sprites. As he waits for the drinks he looks over his shoulder and sees you, sitting in the chair. Your body is relaxed and you looked completely comfortable and at ease, like this was where you were supposed to be, in the quiet away from chaos. It makes his heart skip a beat. The bartender places the two drinks in front of him and he smiles, nodding and thanking her. He picks up both glasses and makes his way back to the small table you’re sitting at. He sets one glass carefully in front of you and sits in the chair opposite you.

He sits back, sipping his drink slowly, his eyes never leaving your face. “You look really beautiful in this light.”

Your cheeks flush red at his compliment and the way it fell so effortlessly from his lips. His wet, pink lips. You couldn't help but to stare at them and you wondered again how they would feel on your own. You try to conceal your smile and brush off his compliment. “It's just the lights…”

He chuckled and he gave a small shake of his head, knowing it wasn’t just the lights. It was you. Entirely you. Your presence.

“No, it’s not just the lights,” he took a sip, watching you as you tried to hide your smile. He enjoyed the way your cheeks flushed. He wanted to memorize your face, your expressions, the way you held yourself. He wanted nothing more than to get to know you.

He leaned back in the chair, watching you in the soft glow of the lights. He felt the warm hum of alcohol in his veins, the liquor having loosened him up. He suddenly wanted to be a lot closer to you. To feel the heat of your body against his. “So, tell me something about you. Anything.”

“What do you want to know?” you counter. 

He leaned forward on the table, leaning his elbows on the edge and resting his chin in his hands. He could feel the warmth of the alcohol in his veins, his muscles relaxing and his brain growing a little fuzzy.

“I don’t know,” he said with a shrug of his shoulders. “Anything. It could be your favorite color or your favorite song.”

“Well my favorite color is blue, and my favorite song is ‘Highway Star’ by Deep Purple.”

He laughed as he listened. He suddenly found himself feeling grateful that he got to you before Jake did. 

“Blue is a good color,” he muttered, leaning forward a little more. He was trying to resist the overwhelming urge to reach out and touch you. To hold your hand, brush your hair from your face… “And Deep Purple… Can’t say I was expecting that one. Are you really into classic rock?”

“I would say so. No one really makes music like that anymore,” you answer. 

A laugh leaves his chest, sending a tingle into the pit of your stomach. “A woman after my own heart.”

“Oh yeah? What’s your favorite song then?” you ask. 

He leaned back into his chair for a moment to think. There were so many songs he loved, all for different reasons. Picking just one would be the challenge of a lifetime. 

“Hmm… If I have to pick I would say it's a toss up between ‘Let Me Die In My Footsteps’ by Bob Dylan, or ‘Night Flight’ by Led Zeppelin.”

“Oh I love Led Zeppelin!” you smile. 

He smiles when you say that. Your taste in music continued to impress him. He thought that you couldn’t get any better, but it seems like you’re defying that rule.

“Careful, don't say that too loud...”

“How come?” you ask, feeling confused.

He laughed, shaking his head. “No reason. I'm kidding. So tell me about your hobbies.”

“Well, I like to run. I like to paint. I like to travel. I don’t have time for much else,” you smile. 

“Been anywhere cool lately?” he asks. 

I took a trip to Turks and Caicos a couple of months ago. It was beautiful. “What about you? Do you like to travel?”

“I’ve been to quite a few places. I’ve been to almost every major city in the US, actually. Most of them overseas, too…But I’ve always enjoyed being back home, more.”

He had a look in his eyes, a strange sort of sadness as he mentioned home. It was brief, but you detected it nonetheless.

“You must have a good job to be able to travel that often,” you say, sipping at your drink. 

He chuckled and he took another drink. It didn't go unnoticed by him that you were asking about his profession again. He hadn't missed a single thing about you all night.

“Oh I suppose you could say that,” he said with a shrug. “I guess I'm in a very specialized line of work.”

“You don't like to talk about it…” you say, phrasing it as more of a statement than a question.

He met your gaze for a moment before sighing and looking away from you, running a hand through his coif of curls. He took a breath and looked back at you with a wry smile. He knew he'd have to talk about it eventually, but he couldn’t do it here. 

“No, I don’t like to talk about work much. Not here, anyway. Not right now,” he said in a low voice, the alcohol starting to get to him a bit more now.

“We don’t have to,” you say, shaking the ice in your glass. “Tell me your hobbies.”

“Well, I guess my hobbies would have to be drinking, writing, and reading,” he laughs, giving you a genuine smile. “I spend a lot of time at home writing, recording, all of that.”

“Isn’t it lonely being home alone all the time?”

He chuckled. A sound that sent a shiver down your spine. He took another drink, a little more of a generous one this time, before answering you. He set the glass on the table and met your gaze again.

“What makes you think that I’m always alone when I’m home?” he asked, that sly smile returning to his face. What you didn’t know was that when he was home he was never really alone. He had people all over the world joining him, just from the comfort of their own homes. 

“Oh, I just assumed because you sai–”

“Now now…” He said, his voice low and deep again. He was enjoying messing with you. “Never assume, sweetheart.”

Your cheeks blushed a deep red. You suddenly felt embarrassed with no way to backtrack on what you’d said. He smiled, loving the way your cheeks flushed and darkened when you blushed. You were absolutely beautiful, and he couldn't understand how someone so attractive was sitting in front of him, talking to him, letting him flirt with them. He had you where he wanted you, flustered and tongue-tied. He wanted to see how far he could go.

He leaned closer to you, resting his arms on the table. His dark eyes never left your face. He was about to say something. Something to tease you even more, but whatever thought he had vanished from his mind when his eyes finally took you in. How they roamed over your face, your body, the way you fidgeted in your seat. You were absolutely gorgeous and he was fighting every instinct to not lean over the table and grab you, pull you towards him, and kiss you right there and then.

“Why did you meet your friend here tonight?” he whispered, his face mere inches from yours.

“I- She asked me to... I don't go out too much,” you admit.

“Why not?” he asks. 

“I have different interests than most people. I have a routine and I find comfort in it. I don't like trying to force something that isn't there with people who won’t remember my name tomorrow...”

He took a drink, nodding slowly, listening to you talk. You had no idea how good you sounded to him. You were so different, and yet just like him. He liked that you were a creature of habit. He enjoyed his own routine, and he never liked to get mixed up in things that he couldn't follow through with.

“I know exactly what you mean.” he says, his words falling from his lips like honey. 

“Do you?” you breathe.

“Yeah, I do,” he said, a note of seriousness in his voice. He was sincere, not just saying what you wanted to hear. He genuinely did know what you meant. He saw himself in you, and it was almost eerie how similar you were.

“What were you two celebrating anyway?” you ask, breaking the obvious tension building between the two of you.

He swallowed, thankful for the change of topic. He wasn’t sure yet how much he could tell you about himself, so he gave you a half-truth, a part of the truth, but not all of it.

“We were celebrating the closing of a pretty big deal,” he said, his eyes shifting to the side, a look of guilt flitting across his face for a second before vanishing just as quickly as it came. He turned his attention back on you, looking directly into your eyes. His eyes roamed over your face, studying you. He felt a strange need to be completely honest and open with you, to tell you about himself just to see what you said, just to see how you would respond. But he shook the thought from his mind and leaned back in his chair, sipping his drink. “It’s actually kind of a miracle that I came out with him tonight in the first place. I usually never do.”

“Guess that makes two of us then,” you smile, sending him a playful smirk. 

He chuckled in agreement, his eyes never leaving your face, taking in your every expression, every little detail about you. His stomach flip flopped when he saw the way you smiled at him, the way your cheeks flushed when he paid you any attention. He loved it. He loved how you reacted, your expressions, everything about you, and it had only been an hour since he met you.

“What would you be doing right now if you hadn’t come to meet your friend?” he asks, swirling the ice in his glass. 

“Honestly? I would probably be asleep. I like to…wind down a certain way every night.”

He laughed and his eyebrows raised, his interest piqued. He leaned forward, a sly smile on his lips. “Wind down a certain way…”

You laugh, “Not how you think.”

He chuckled, loving how coy you were being. Like you were intentionally leaving it up to his imagination. Not a bad tactic, but he was always up for a challenge. “Well now I’m even more curious.”

You were nervous to tell him the truth, not knowing how he would react. “Okay fine. I watch meditations every night. They help me relax and clear my mind.”

Josh didn’t expect that. Not in a million years. He wasn’t sure what he expected you to say, but that definitely wasn’t it. Did she know? Surely she didn’t know. How could she know? He never showed his face.  He almost wanted to laugh, but then he looked at you and you looked completely serious. He had to think for a moment, to try to keep a straight face, being careful not to give himself away

“You- you watch meditations?”

“Yeah, I do. I stumbled across one about a year ago– It changed everything for me,” you confess. 

​​He raised his eyebrows in surprise, trying to picture you laying in bed as the sound of his voice talks you through meditation exercises. For some reason, the image of you in bed was doing things to him. He tried to keep his mind on track, to not get lost in his own imagination.

“You’re serious? Every night?”

You blush a little, suddenly feeling shy. “I try not to miss a night. The person that I like to watch uploads sporadically. I rewatch some of the same ones over and over. It's always a surprise when I see one of his notifications pop up.”

He felt his blood run cold, “Oh, it–it’s a he?”

“Yeah it is! He is on YouTube, his username is The Unknown Nightingale. Truly some of the best stuff out there.”

His eyes widened and his heart froze. It felt like the floor dropped out underneath him. Him? His Youtube channel? The person who was responsible for helping her relax and fall asleep every night was him?

He struggled to keep his face straight. It was hard to process what you said, and he didn't want to give himself away. But he was having a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that you were an avid watcher of his channel.

“What do you like about his videos?” he asked, doing his very best to keep his voice steady.

“Honestly, everything. The way he writes his meditations, the sound of his voice, the ambiance he is able to create. It's unlike any other creator I've found. He isn't doing it for fame, he is doing it for the love of the craft.”

His heart was beating faster, a strange mixture of guilt and excitement swirling around inside him. You were talking about him, you were talking about how you loved the sound of his voice. How you loved his videos. His channel. His own voice. He ran a hand through his hair again, still trying to keep his thoughts together.

“He must love it if it translates that clearly to his viewers.”

“I think maybe you– maybe you’d enjoy them too,” you say nervously. 

His heart thumped hard in his chest. You were suggesting he watch his own videos? He had to bite back a laugh, the situation was so absurd. He wanted to play along, to tease you and make you squirm, but he wasn't sure how to react.

“Maybe I would. I'm not much of a meditator, though,” he said, unable to resist the urge to be cheeky with you. “You said he uploads sporadically…”

“He does. It feels like sometimes he will do a new video every day or two, then he will fall off the face of the earth for a few months, then come back like nothing happened,” you laugh, sliding your tongue over your lips. 

He nodded slowly, his eyes watching the way your tongue moved across your lips. It was hypnotizing to watch, but he tried to keep himself focused, to not let himself get distracted by it. Though his focus was waning the more he thought of you all alone in your room, watching his videos, hearing his voice as you closed your eyes and drifted off...he pushed the thought from his mind and cleared his throat.

“I see,” he said, trying his best to sound casual. “Sounds like he must have a pretty loyal fan base then.”

“I mean, I never miss an upload,” you confess with a sweet smile. 

A strange rush of adrenaline passed through him at your words. You never missed an upload. That means you were watching his videos every day. That you were familiar with the sound of his voice, the way his meditations worked. He couldn't wrap his mind around it, but it made him feel a little… How did she not realize that it was you, right in front of her, right now? If she knew your voice this intimately, how did she not know it was you? 

But of course she didn’t. You were talking normally. And the two times tonight you’d used that voice, she practically melted into you. Deep down she knew. Her body knew, but she didn’t.

You stared at him, taking in the way you could see his mind at work, the way his teeth dragged his bottom lip between them. He was beautiful, in every sense of the word.

He finally noticed the way you were looking at him, the way your eyes were taking him in the same way he had been staring at you all night. He slowly released his lip, his gaze still locked with yours.

“What?” he asked huskily, a smirk on his face, pretending he didn’t know what you were thinking.

You shook your head, pushing away your thoughts. “Nothing, just can’t believe I told you that. You probably think I’m crazy.”

He shook his head, a soft chuckle leaving his lips. He leaned forward, resting his arms on the table in front of him. “No, sweetheart, I don’t think you’re crazy. I think you’re a very, very sweet girl.”

You felt your heart rate spike as the words left his lips, goosebumps breaking out over your entire body.

He nodded, not breaking eye contact with you. He smirked and reached his hand out, gently wrapping his fingers around your wrist. He ran his thumb delicately up and down your skin, feeling the smoothness of your flesh. He loved the way your body responded to his touch. The way you felt. 

“Would you– want to get out of here?”

“Are you asking me to come home with you?”

He smiled to himself. He couldn’t believe how sweet and innocent you were talking, acting like you were completely unaware of the effect you had on him. You had no idea how crazy you were making him, how he craved to feel every inch of you. “Yeah, sweetheart,” he said, his voice growing more raspy, “I am.”

“How come?” you asked, a hint of flirtation present in your tone. 

His grip on your wrist unconsciously tightened. He could feel his self control slipping more and more every time you spoke to him, every word that left your beautiful mouth. He knew exactly how you would sound when he took you home.

“So I can show you a different way to wind down for the night,” he said, trying his very best to keep his cool. “One you might like even more.”

Your heart dropped into your stomach, it was clear he wanted you in the same way you wanted him. “What if I’m a bad kisser?” you tease. 

He smirked again, feeling his heart skip a beat at your question. He was quickly losing the ability to keep his calm, his cool. In fact, he was losing a lot of ability when it came to you, but his body was reacting quickly while his brain tried to keep up.

“You’re asking the wrong guy. I couldn’t care less if you were a bad kisser. The most fun I’d have is showing you how to be a good one.”

“I think I like the way that sounds,” you reply with a grin. 

He couldn’t help it anymore. The sound of your voice and your smile, the way you were looking at him. He stood up and held out a hand to you, silently commanding you to take it and get up. Without saying a word, he led you out of the bar and out into the parking lot.

He led you out to his car, silently opening the passenger door and guiding you to sit down gently. He closed the door and got in the driver's seat, started the car, and pulled out of the parking lot. The entire time he kept his eyes trained forward, trying to focus on driving but constantly stealing glances at you. The silence was deafening, and you caught him looking at you several times, which made you squirm in your seat. 

He smirked to himself, knowing that you were getting nervous, his eyes never wandering far from you as he drove. His hand snaked over to rest on your bare thigh, the heat of his palm scorching against your skin. You looked over at him, giving him an approving smile as you placed your hand on top of his. 

His hand slowly began moving up your thigh, his fingers tracing lazy, slow patterns around the supple flesh. He was trying to focus on driving, but he couldn't help but to watch your body react to his touch.

When he stopped at a red light, he turned his head towards you. He continued to watch your face, drinking in your reactions to his touch. He could see the way your chest moved as your breath quickened, the way your pupils dilated, the way you bit down on your lip. He chuckled to himself softly, amused and enthralled by the way you responded to him so completely.

“You okay over there, sweetheart?” he asked, continuing to trace his knuckles up and down your thigh.

“Feels good,” you breathe.

He hummed in response, his gaze moving over your body. He could feel his arousal growing, his pants becoming tighter and tighter as he continued to touch you, to watch you react. It made his heart beat so hard against his chest he was worried you could hear it too.

“Keep talking, baby,” he said, his voice now a deep, low growl. “What feels good?”

Your breath caught in your throat at his casual use of the word baby. Why did it sound so good coming from his lips? Why did everything sound so good coming from his lips?

“Your touch…It’s soft and delicate, but firm and warm. Feels so good,” you answer.

He nearly let out a moan as you spoke. The description of his touch from your perspective was almost too much for him. Hearing you say those things, hearing how his touch affected you, it made him grip your thigh a little tighter, his fingers digging into your skin. His breathing was getting heavy, his heart racing at the idea of getting you back to his place and having you all for himself. He took a deep breath, trying to keep his focus.

“Just my touch or my voice too?” he said, his voice low, almost a growl.

“Both,” you confess, squirming beneath his palm.

He smirked, loving how your body began to move in your seat, how your breath quickened, how your thighs pressed together when his hand moved too high. He was teasing you, loving the way you were reacting to him. He wanted to see how far he could push you, how much he could get you to want him, while he sat in the driver's seat.

“Yeah? You like it when I talk to you, sweetheart?” he purred, sliding his hand a little higher on your thigh.

A shiver ran up your spine. Something about him had attracted you like a magnet. You were drawn to him in a way you'd never been drawn to anyone before. Every word that fell from his lips pulled you in deeper and deeper. “I like it when you call me baby.”

You didn’t even realize the effect you were having on him. He wanted you, desperately, more than he had ever wanted anyone or anything in his life.

“Yeah, baby? You like it when I say it just like that?” he teased, his voice dropping an octave as he spoke to you. He knew exactly what he was doing. 

“I do,” you breathe.

He was getting closer to his apartment, only minutes away now. But the closer they got, the more the desire inside him grew. He wanted you, and he desperately wanted to know if your body would respond to him in the same way it was right now when he laid you down in his bed.

“Good. We’re almost there, sweetheart,” he said, his hand sliding just a bit higher on your thigh, his eyes still fixed on your face.

When he finally pulled into his driveway, he reluctantly removed his hand from your skin. He reached up and turned off the car, silence and the sudden loss of stimulation making the night air between you feel heavier, more charged.

He unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car, walking around to your side and opening the door. He held out his hand to help you out, his gaze locking with yours as soon as you were standing in front of him outside the darkened house. You could hear the wind in the trees and the cicadas that occupied them. His house was large and beautiful, but you couldn’t keep your eyes off of him for too long.

“You have a beautiful home,” you said, looking up at the front porch. 

He smiled at the compliment and stepped closer so he was directly in front of you, boxing you in against the side of his parked car. One hand was on the car frame while the other brushed a strand of hair off your face, his fingers gently grazing your skin. He looked down at you, looking every bit like a predator about to devour its prey, his eyes raking up and down your body, taking you in. But you didn’t feel threatened, not in the slightest.

“Not as beautiful as you,” he breathed, his voice low and huskier than before.

Your eyes flicked to his lips, silently begging him to kiss you.

He chuckled at your reaction, how desperate your eyes looked as you stared at his lips. He was enjoying this, prolonging your torture, seeing how far he could push your patience before he finally gave in to the pull between you. He brought his hand up to your chin, gently grasping it in his hand. His thumb slowly ran across your soft lips.

“You want me to kiss you, baby?” he purred. “You have to use your words. I won’t do it until you ask.”

He knew you were waiting for him, eager for his lips to crash against yours and feel the heat of his body against you. But he didn’t want to give you exactly what you wanted just yet. There was something about the way you were looking at him with those big doe eyes, your breath quickening in your chest, that made him want to see how far he could push you before you would snap. 

“Kiss me, Josh,” you breathed.

His eyes darkened at the sound of his name leaving your lips. He’d never heard his name sound like that before. There was a desperation behind the way you said it, but a sweetness that he knew was just because of who you were. You didn’t even realize the power you had over him. It was only fueling the already wild fire growing inside him. His eyes roamed your face, studying you intently, his thumb tracing along the full curve of your bottom lip.

Unable to hold off any longer he slammed his lips into yours, the taste of him overwhelming your senses. His lips were as soft as you’d imagined, but kissing you as firmly as you needed him to. 

You were like a drug, every nerve in his body on fire as he pressed you against his car. His tongue pushed past your lips, meeting yours and tasting you, and he couldn’t help himself as he pushed his body against yours, trying to feel as much of you as possible.

He was losing himself in the kiss, gripping your hips and pulling you tight against him. He could feel himself growing harder, more aroused by the second, his brain shutting off all rational thought as he tried to get as much of you as he could. The way you tasted, the way you felt against him, the soft sounds you were making, it was all driving him crazy. He couldn’t remember ever feeling this way with anyone before, and he didn’t ever want it to stop.

You pulled away from him suddenly, the taste of him still present on your tongue. “Take me inside, Josh.”

He felt like he was in a fog, dizzy and dazed from the kiss. Every inch of his body was screaming for more, but you were right. He didn’t want to spend the whole night out in his driveway. He reluctantly pulled away from you and walked over to the door, keeping his intense gaze on you the whole time.

He unlocked the door and pushed it open, stepping aside as you walked in. As soon as you were inside, he locked the door and immediately pushed you back against the wall.

He pressed his body against yours, trapping you between him and the wall. One of his hands was on your waist, his fingers gripping your skin tight enough to leave a mark, while the other tangled up in your hair, pulling your head back. He leaned down and pressed his lips against your neck, nuzzling the sensitive flesh and leaving a trail of kisses in his wake.

“Fuck, Josh,” you groaned, feeling his teeth nipping at your neck.

He chuckled softly, loving the sound of you coming completely undone already. Your body, your voice, the way you were responding to him and his touch. It was all driving him wild, making him desperate for more of you. He dragged his lips to your ear, breathing heavily against it before he spoke again.

“You sound so goddamn perfect when you say my name,” he growled. “You have no idea what you’re doing to me.”

“So tell me…” 

He pulled back from your neck so he could look at your face, his dark eyes locking with yours. He took a second to just take you in, your lips kiss-bitten and parted, your face flushed, the look in your eyes as you stared up at him. He could feel your body heat through your clothes, and he wanted to feel your flesh against his skin so goddamn bad, but he held back, savoring the moment and the anticipation.

“I’ll tell you, but I’m going to do it my way,” he said, his eyes dark and lust filled. 

Your heart was pounding in your chest, you knew he could feel your pulse beneath his hands. “What do you mean?”

He smirked, a look of mischief on his face. He leaned down so his lips were right next to your ear, his breath washing over your skin as he spoke, his voice in a deep, low tone. “Do you trust me?”

“I want to,” you answer hesitantly. 

He chuckled and nuzzled your neck again, the feeling of his mustache against your skin making you shiver. “You can trust me, baby,” he said, his hot breath against your flesh. “You’re going to love this.”

“Love what?”

Without answering you, he suddenly scooped you up in his arms, hoisting you up by the underside of your thighs. He started walking towards the bedroom, your legs wrapped around his waist and his hands on the back of your thighs, holding you tight against his body as he walked.

You giggled as he kissed your neck, stopping just short of the bedroom door. You could see the soft glow of light peeking from beneath the door, orange and dim. He placed you back on your feet, spinning you around to lean against the wall. 

“I want to try something,” he says, his eyes searching yours. 

“Like what?” you ask, your arms wrapped around the base of his neck. 

“I’d like to blindfold you,” he admits, looking for any sign of rejection from you. 

“Blindfold?!” you ask, feeling shock course through your body. 

He chuckled at your surprise, at how your eyes widened in response to his request. “Yeah, I want to take away your ability to see so that you can feel every single thing that I do. And if you can trust me I know you will enjoy it.”

“I’m nervous, Josh.”

His smile became softer, hearing the hint of anxiety in your voice. He gently ran his fingers along your jaw and spoke softly to reassure you. “You don’t have to be nervous, baby. I would never do anything that you’re not okay with, or do anything to  make you feel uncomfortable. I just want to heighten your senses a bit, make all the sensations more intense.”

He knew if he could just get you to trust him, it would be worth it. He would blow your mind in more ways than one. 

“Okay,” you agreed, nodding your head as you wrapped a curl around your finger. You did trust him. You didn’t know why, but you did. 

He smiled at your answer, grateful that you were trusting him. He wanted to make you feel good, to make you feel desired and wanted. He nuzzled your neck again before he spoke.

“You’ll tell me if you want me to stop?” he asked, his lips against your ear.

“I will, I promise.”

“Okay, good.” he pauses, “Wait right here, I’ll be right back.”

You watch him walk through his bedroom door, returning seconds later with a black silk scarf. Your heart is pounding, and you couldn’t believe you agreed to being blindfolded by this man you’d met only hours ago. 

He stood in front of you and held up the scarf in his hand. He took in your expression, the look of nerves and excitement in your eyes. He knew you were nervous, but he also knew how much you wanted this. You trusted him, and he wasn’t going to let you down. 

His voice lowered, growing quieter and softer. “I want you to close your eyes,” he commanded you as he stood in front of you. “Keep them closed until I tell you to open them, okay?”

Without thinking you did as he asked, taking one more long look at his perfect face before letting your eyes flutter closed.

He smiled watching your eyes shut obediently. You trusted him, and you looked so beautiful and delicate with your eyes closed, your eyelashes fanning out against your cheeks. He couldn’t help but reach out and caress your skin, his hands gently cupping your face in his palms as he just looked at you for a moment.

“Perfect,” he breathed out. “God, you’re so gorgeous, you have no idea. Now, just try and stay still…”

You swallowed nervously, feeling his hand on your face. You leaned into his touch, nervous still about what was to come. 

His hands were still on your face as he lifted the silken scarf to your eyes. “Just relax, baby,” he whispered. “Don’t be nervous. I’ve got you. All you gotta do is feel, okay? I just want you to feel.”

“Okay,” you answered, feeling him knot the scarf at the back of your head. It was dark behind the fabric, the blindfold blocking out any light so all you had to go on was your other senses, waiting for his touch and his voice to guide you.

“Good?” he asked, his voice soft and gentle as his hands caressed your face. A tingle fell over your body, the sound of his voice rushing through you. 

“I’m going to pick you up again now,” he said. “I want you to hold on to me, wrap your arms around my neck.”

You instinctively reached up and looped your arms around his neck, holding onto him as he scooped you up off the floor and gathered you in his arms. You felt so small and light against him, and he relished the feeling of your body in his arms, your legs wrapped around his waist, your face so damn close to his as he started to walk.

You could feel him walking into the bedroom, the rush of cooler air prickling at your skin. It smelled different in here, the lingering smell of fire in the air. You breathe in the smoky scent, taking in the feeling of his soft cotton shirt beneath your hands. 

He walked over and set you down gently on what you assumed was the edge of his bed. You looked so delicate and perfect, sitting blinded on the edge of his bed, your hands grasping at the soft sheets on either side of you. You were completely at his mercy, your body reacting to every little sound, and he was going to use that to his advantage.

He let go of you and stood back for a moment, enjoying the way you looked in front of him. Your head was tilted and your lips were parted, your body still on edge from the uncertainty of what he had planned for you. He drank in the sight of you, your form bathed in the soft light orange glow of his lamp, a sight he didn’t want to forget anytime soon. He could feel the heat growing in his body, his hands itching to touch you.

You suddenly became very aware that he wasn't touching you anymore,  anxiety starting to bloom in your chest. “Josh?” you squeaked.

He chuckled as he heard you call out his name, the sound of the uncertainty in your voice like music to his ears. He could tell you were starting to get uncomfortable as his hands weren't on you, and that's exactly where he wanted you. He wanted you desperate for his touch, desperate for him.

“Yeah, baby?” he asked, his voice smooth and even as he took a step closer to you.

“Where did you go?” you asked, feeling his hand brush the hair over your shoulder. 

“I’m right here, don’t worry,” he said, his voice still even and in control. “I’m just enjoying the view for a minute.”

“Kiss me Josh, please,” you begged, quickly feeling very vulnerable as you sat in the darkness.

The sound of you begging him to kiss you went straight to his head, making him feel like it was taking every ounce of self-control to keep his hands to himself. Part of him almost wanted to tease you more, to see just how desperate you would get before he finally gave in and gave you what you asked for, but he couldn’t hold back anymore. The sound of your voice begging for him was too good.

“Goddamn it,” he growled, his hands suddenly grabbing your waist and pulling you closer. His lips connected with yours, and this time the kiss felt different. Not being able to see him made it feel ten times better, and definitely worth the wait. 

You felt his arm wrapping around your waist as he moved you further up the bed, laying you down on his soft, cold sheets. You whined into his mouth, the sound of his lips on yours louder than ever before. 

He pushed you back against the bed, his hands and lips on you faster than you could react. The sight of you like this was perfect, your body on his bed, your head thrown against the pillows, your body squirming under his touch as he laid on top of you, his mouth on yours, his hands grabbing at you, holding you, feeling every curve of your body through your clothes.

“You sound so goddamn good,” he mumbled against your lips between kisses.

“Keep talking to me Josh,” you plead. 

He could tell you were desperate to hear his voice, for his touch, for anything to make you feel. He had you in the palm of his hand, and he didn’t even need to do much of anything.

“You want me to keep talking?” he whispered as his lips moved to your neck, his tongue, teeth and mustache against your flesh. 

“Yeah…I like your voice,” you confess.

Those words sent a shiver down his spine. He loved how much you enjoyed the sound of him, how sensitive you were to the way he talked, and now that you couldn’t see him, he was going to capitalize on it even more.

“Yeah? You like the way I talk to you, baby?” he growled against your neck, his voice deep and even huskier than before. “Want me to tell you all of the things I want to do to you?”

“Yes,” you breathe, arching up into him. 

He smiled against your neck at how eager and needy you sounded. You were already begging for him, and he hadn’t even touched you yet. He felt like he was going to burst, but he couldn’t help but keep teasing you, wanting to hear all of the noises he could get you to make. He continued to kiss and nibble his way up and down your neck, his voice in a deep, husky tone as he spoke against your skin.

“I want to do so many things to you, baby,” he said, his fingers tracing down your chest. “But first I need you out of this,” he said, sliding the strap of your dress over your shoulder.

“Take it off,” you instructed.

He chuckled, loving how you were suddenly giving him instructions as to what to do, how to touch you. Your demand only served to build the need and desire that was coursing through his veins even more. He slowly started to slide your dress down over your shoulders, his lips trailing over your collarbone as he did so.

“You’ve got to learn some patience, baby,” he teased. “I’m going to take my time with you, I’m not going to rush this. I thought you said you meditated.”

“I do…” you whine.

He continued to slide the dress down, his lips following his hands as he undressed you. He was taking his time, like he said he would. He wanted to enjoy every slow movement, savoring the way your skin felt under his fingertips, the way you would whine and squirm when he touched you.

“I want you to listen to my voice, baby. Can you do that?” he asked, his voice growing softer and slower. He knew it was time to use his ASMR voice and see if you could put the pieces together.  

Your breath caught in your throat at the tenderness of his tone. “Y-yes…”

He smiled, loving how his voice had such an instant effect on you. He continued to slide your dress down, pulling the fabric past your chest, past your stomach, until it was on the floor. He sat back to look at your body, a little shocked at your lack of underwear, but he wasn’t complaining. You looked so perfect, your chest heaving with every breath, your mouth slightly parted, and your blindfold keeping you from seeing anything.

He took his time with you, his thumbs gently massaging your skin, occasionally his lips meeting your stomach, placing kiss after kiss on your abdomen, his voice soft and even as he continued to speak.

“Keep breathing, baby. Take deep breaths, in and out,” he whispered. “Just listen to my voice, feel my touch,” he pauses, “Can you feel it?”

Your skin felt like it was on fire from his gentle touch, mixed with the sound of his voice you thought you might burst into flames. “Yes, Josh…” you whined, “More…”

“Listen to my voice, beautiful. Try and do as I say…”

You nod in agreement, desperate for his touch. 

He continued to worship your body with his hands and mouth, his lips finding your chest and shoulder and up your neck, his mouth now right beside your ear.

“Focus on my words, breathe when I tell you to breathe, and keep still when I tell you to keep still...” he paused, “I want you to breathe in, take a few deep breaths in and out for me…”

You do as he says, taking a few shaky breaths into your stomach as you feel the bed shift. You can tell he is moving away from you, and you can hear the soft sound of his clothes hitting the floor. Your thighs rub together in anticipation, and you remember that he can see you. 

“Relax, baby,” he whispered as his hands found your thighs. “Just keep listening to me…”

You feel the bed dip again, his hands sliding up your leg so gently that it almost tickles you.

He positions himself between your legs, his own body now bare except for his boxers. He loved the way your thighs felt under his touch, how soft and smooth your skin was, the feeling of anticipation as his hands drifted higher up your leg. He knew exactly how to touch you, how to tease you, and he knew exactly what he wanted to do.

“Deep breaths…” he whispered. “In and out…”

You nod, starting to breathe at a more steady pace now. He watched as your breath steadied, your chest rising and falling in a constant rhythm now. He loved the way you were so pliant and responsive to his words and his touch, and he wanted to see just how far he could take it.

He slid his hands higher up your legs, his fingers tracing up the sensitive skin of your inner thighs. He could feel your skin burning under his touch, he could see your body start to shiver under his fingers.

“When you’re ready, I want you to let your fingers roam over your skin. I want you to touch your chest…Your stomach… Your thighs… Go slowly, as slowly as you can…Anything that feels good, I want you to do it.”

You do as he says, slowly letting your fingers slide over your body, caressing yourself as his hands move softly on your thighs.

He watches as you caress your own body, your touch light and gentle over your skin, the way you’re exploring your own body being one of the most beautiful things he’d ever seen. He continued to sit between your legs, watching as your fingertips glided over your chest. He couldn’t help himself from slowly sliding his hands up.

“Doing so good, baby,” he whispered. “Keep going for me…”

You feel his lips as they press to your inner thigh, the sensation surprising you, your nipples hardening quickly. A harsh breath is sucked into your lungs, your heart starting to beat faster now. 

He smiled against your skin, loving the way you reacted to him, surprised by the feeling, your body suddenly burning hotter and harder. He began to leave more kisses, his lips moving up and up your thighs, his breathing growing deeper as he continued to kiss and touch and tease.

“Just keep breathing for me, baby,” he whispered between kisses. “You’re doing so good for me…”

You refocused, breathing deeply and slowing your heart rate, feeling his lips connect with your center.

He began to kiss and gently suck, his tongue making slow, soft circles against you. He wanted to keep you calm, relaxed, but he also wanted to drive you crazy.

His mouth pulls away just long enough to speak, “Keep touching yourself… It feels so good, doesn’t it?”

“Yes,” you whine, feeling his mouth reconnect with you. His tongue moved slowly and languidly, lapping at you as if your pleasure, and your feelings were the only ones in the world. 

As he continued to lap at you, he couldn’t help but let out a low moan against you, the feeling of his mouth on you and the sound of you reacting so beautifully and perfectly.

He needed you, he needed to hear more of you, to feel more of you. “God, you taste so good,” he said against you, the words sending vibrations into you.

He felt your reaction on his tongue, the way you responded to his touch, how you began to arch your back and spread your legs against the sheets as he kept working. 

“Don’t forget to breathe,” he mumbled, his voice getting a little rougher as he continued to tease you with his tongue. “It’s going to feel so much better if you do.”

“Josh, oh god,” you whine, feeling a jolt of electricity start to tingle in your stomach. 

He chuckled against your center, loving the way you started to squirm and whine for him, the way you were getting closer and closer to the edge.

“You can keep touching yourself,” he said, his voice huskier than it was. “I want you to get closer, but I don’t want you to go over the edge, okay?”

“I–I don’t know– It’s too much–” you whine.

“You can hold it,” he said as his tongue continued to circle against you. “Just a little longer, baby…Breathe, and listen to my voice.”

You felt his fingers move from your thigh, sliding through your wetness as his fingertips glided against your entrance. You wanted it, no, needed it, more than you ever needed anything.  

“I want you to feel my fingers sliding into every inch of you,” his voice low and dark, his fingers still tracing against you.

“Please, Josh…”

He slid his fingers inside of you, slowly and gently. A low growl escaped his throat, the feeling of you surrounding his fingers was perfect. “Do you feel it, baby? Do you feel me so perfect inside of you?”

All you could do was whine, feeling his fingers massage against your g-spot.

“You’re doing so good for me, baby,” he groaned against you. “But I need you to hold out a little longer for me...” he pauses, “I need your mind to focus on whatever feels best right now. Focus there. Anytime your mind starts to stray, pull it back to this feeling. Back to this area of pleasure.”

His lips wrapped around your clit, sucking the sensitive numb between his lips. You did exactly as he said, focusing on the feeling of euphoria quickly taking hold of you. 

“Just like that sweetheart, just like that…Notice that the more attention you give that pleasure, the better it feels. Focus on it, baby. Soak it in. Your truest felt sense, is feeling.”

His words echoed in your head, his last sentence striking a chord within you. You felt your orgasm rapidly approaching but you couldn't shake the feeling that you had heard that before. The truest felt sense, is feeling. A wave of pleasure washed over you, and you knew there was no stopping the orgasm about to rip through your body. 

“Ride it out, baby,” his voice was growing darker and rougher, his own body starting to react as your own grew closer and closer. “Give in to the feeling. Let it overtake you…”

The sound of his voice is what pushed you over the edge, your hands connecting with his face as his lips returned to your clit. Your hips rolled up into his mouth, your orgasm warming your body from your head to your toes. A whine echoed through the room, the wet sounds of his mouth working you through it filling the air. 

“Josh,” you whined, letting your fingers grip into his curls. 

He kept his mouth on you, working you through your orgasm, hearing your moans and whimpers, feeling your body grow more and more tense as he continued. He was overwhelmed and desperate, but he still worked his attention on you, letting your orgasm fill the air around him.

“Let go, beautiful. Be in the moment, live in the moment.”

“I want you Josh,” you whine, finally coming down from your blissed out state. “Please…”

You feel the bed move, and you can feel his warm breath on your chest as he sucks your nipple into his mouth. “Did so fuckin’ good for me, baby…”

You feel his fingers slide through your wetness before pulling away. You can feel the bed shake as he strokes himself, kicking his boxers to the floor. You’re practically trembling beneath him, ready to have him. All of him. 

“Please,” you whine, still unable to see anything in front of you, only relying on the sounds around you to give you any indication of his presence. 

He can hear the need in your voice, the desperate sound as you whine for him. He can feel your body trembling and shaking beneath him, yearning for him. He leans over you, his hands finding yours and pinning them down in the sheets beside your head. You feel his body move over yours as he speaks, his voice low and ragged.

“Please what?”

“Kiss me, touch me, something…anything…” you plead. 

You feel his body hovering over yours, his warm breath fanning against your face. You feel his tip swipe through your folds, sending a shock to your system. 

“Breathe for me,” he whispers, “In and out…”

You take a shaky breath, every sensation heightened without your vision to guide you. You want to see him, more than anything you want to see him, but you’re doing this his way, and you know he wouldn’t steer you wrong. 

“Good, baby, just like that,” he breathed, dragging the head of his cock slowly back and forth against your sensitive clit. He’s warm and thick, his hand guiding his movements as he releases his own labored breath. You feel him pull away, sitting back on his knees as his hands move softly up and down your thighs,“I’m going to try something…”

“Josh please, don’t make me wait anymore,” you beg. 

“I’m going to give you what you want, I promise. But first, I’m gonna make you cum,” he pauses, “Using only my voice,” he whispers. 

A chill rises to your body as his lips brush over your stomach. Your chest starts to move more rapidly, the thought alone sending your arousal straight to your core.  

“H-how,” you whine. 

“Trust me,” he whispers, moving to lay next to you. “Turn on your side for me,” he says, helping you maneuver yourself to fit the contours of his body. You can feel his hard cock resting against your ass, only spurring you on further. 

You feel him pull you close to him, his arms encircling your waist as his face rests in the crook of your neck. 

“I need you to just relax. Breathe, and relax. Melt into me,” he said, letting his hands dance across your skin. 

“Okay,” you breathe, relying on the sound of his voice to help you relax as you have so many times before.

“Good,” he says as he can feel you growing more relaxed against him. His hands slide slowly up and down your sides, his legs and arms wrapped around and encircling you. He feels your breathing return to a more normal pace again as he speaks, his face laying against your neck.

“Focus on my voice now, just listen,” he whispers. “Can you feel the tone of my voice vibrate through your body now?”

“Yes,” you breathe. 

“Doing so good, baby,” he smiles against you, “Now focus on every vibration, listen to the sounds and the tone, let it sink deep into your body.”

He continues to gently caress you with his fingertips, feeling your body respond to his words and his touch. “Now, I want you to follow the sound of my voice as it moves up and down your body…”

You shiver against him, the timbre of his voice sinking into your bones.

“With every word that leaves my lips you’re going to become increasingly aware of your body and the weightlessness of your limbs. Floating, listening only to my voice. The more weightless your limbs are, the more you surrender, falling deeper into my voice and my direction...” he breathes, “It feels so good to drift, to fall so easily, so quickly to the words I say, winding you down further and further. Deeper and deeper…Doesn’t it baby…”

You feel a tingle run through your body at his careful instruction and the way his voice swirls through the air around you. “It feels good,” you whisper, the words barely audible as your lips move.

“Stay with me beautiful,” he breathes, his lips drifting over the column of your neck. His hand is splayed over your stomach, his fingers ghosting over your skin. “Focus on the slow sensual quality of your breath, filling your lungs, in and out, your chest expanding with each breath. Every atom in your body is relaxed. Focus on the stirring in your pelvis, the growing tension between your thighs, as if all of your energy is gathering there, pooling there… As if all of your energy radiates from that place. A sacred place…”

“Josh,” you whine, suddenly feeling the exact feeling he spoke of.  

“You feel it…” he whispers.

“Yes,” you moan, your hips jutting backwards to rub against his. 

“As you listen to my voice, a slow and steady throb will start to build, stronger and stronger as you start to enter this place. It’s soft and welcoming as you enter deeper and deeper inside, as you enter this world more and more.”

“It feels good to step into this place more deeply. To come inside. Allow yourself to surrender to this desire. This desire that is flickering right between your thighs. The aching, hot, feeling of the energy building. Growing, and growing…”

“Touch me, please,” you beg, reaching for his hand on your stomach. His hand doesn’t move, though. 

“Focus on my voice. Focus on your desire,” he answers, running his nose along the rim of your ear. 

“Notice that the more I talk, the more deeply relaxed you feel. It’s so easy to enter this place with me. I want you to feel yourself going deeper, slowing down. Your mind going blank, being filled with the images I place there…” he continues, “The heat is coiling tighter, winding higher, building, building between these sensitive thighs…It feels good to feel that arousal building…growing…”

You rub your legs together, desperate for friction, desperate for anything. His words entering your mind, detonating like bombs through your nervous system. You’re slick with arousal, your heart pounding as it circulates through your bloodstream, your desire for him growing more intense with every passing second. You’re sure he can feel your heart pounding, your need to be touched blatantly evident. 

“Do you feel the energy getting stronger,” he asks, a whisper against your skin. 

“Yes, yes, it’s strong, it’s too strong,” you whine. 

“Your awareness has been gathering, building, growing in this one area… A nice glowing ball of red light, focused at your Root Chakra…” he breathes, “You’re going to go somewhere very pleasurable…Think of how good it feels now… Let that pleasure build…”

You’re trembling in his arms, never succumbing to a feeling quite this intense before. 

“Feel yourself falling, deeper down. I want you to think back to a few minutes ago, the way my mouth connected me to you. The warmth of my tongue on your body, the slickness that was waiting for me there…Imagine we’re connected again…Let your mind drift in that memory, as the feeling of pleasure keeps getting stronger…Let yourself enjoy the scene in your mind. Let your subconscious place you back in the moment…”

“Baby…” you cry out, almost as if you can feel the way his tongue lapped at you once again. 

“Imagine the fullness you’ll feel as I slide into you, your body accepting me wholly, in my purest form. Our bodies connecting and uniting…Our bodies forming into one together…Take that thought as far as you’d like, as long as it's holding you in this feeling…In this pleasure…Just keep my voice present in the back of your mind…I’m there, with you in this image, feeling my own pleasure along with you…Because of you… The tension is burning higher and higher, the throb between your legs growing and growing…Your arousal is pounding through your body...”

“Josh–” you gasp, feeling the burn start to blaze in your stomach. 

“Let yourself go to these feelings, let them draw you to your climax. I’m here with you, you’re safe here…”

Your hand grips his tightly, his fingers intertwined with yours as your breathing starts to become choppy. His lips press to the back of your ear, the heat of his kiss pushing you further to your undoing. 

“I want you to release that pleasure, I want you to climax with the sound of my voice, so hard and so intensely, that you feel as if you’re floating…I’m going to count backwards from three, and when I hit the number one, I want you to cum. I want you to give yourself over to the pleasure, the burning, I want you to ascend into the feeling…”

Your breathing is loud and labored, the yearning for him stronger than it’s ever been, “Do it,” you beg.

“Three…”

“Two…”

“One…”

“Cum now. Surrender to it,” he demands, holding you as your body explodes in his arms, every nerve in your body lit aflame. A pathetic cry leaves your chest as his arms wrap around you, holding your body against his as you shake with pleasure. 

He groans against your neck, his fingers gripping into your plush skin, his cock hard and wanting against you. “Baby, baby, fuck,” he whines. “Did so good. So beautiful, so perfect…”

You reach behind you, unable to stop yourself from feeling for his cock, painfully hard against his stomach. You wrap your fingers around him, feeling the girth filling your hand as you slide up and down his shaft. “Please,” you beg. 

You feel the bed move, his body rolling over top of yours as you fall to your back. His hands slide softly over your chest, his fingers brushing your nipples as his knees move to widen your legs. 

“How could I ever deny you after that gift?” he breathes, his head dropping down to press a kiss to your stomach. It takes you by surprise, still unable to see his beautiful face. 

You feel him brush the tip through your wetness, even more present now than it was before. Your body lurches into his, letting his length slide quickly through your soaked folds. A hiss leaves his chest at the contact, a huff of surprise following after. 

“I want you to fill me, just like you said…” you confess. 

“I’m gonna, sweetheart. But you’ll have to take me slow,” he says. Your brow furrows as you consider his words, suddenly realizing what he means as he pushes the tip into your entrance. Your body instinctively clenches around him, a whine leaving his throat as he feels your walls constrict. 

“Listen to me, beautiful, stay with me… I need you to relax. I need to go slow, it’s too much at once…Relax and let me in.”

It’s as if you have no control over your mind anymore, as if he is the one making all your decisions. Your body falls limp beneath him, and you feel him press further inside. It’s a noticeable sting as your body stretches to accommodate him, but as he moves slowly inside of you, you start to feel that pleasure spark back to life. 

“Josh– Let me see you, I want to see you…” you plead, lifting a hand and feeling his grab yours. He presses it to the base of his groin, a small patch of hair meeting his happy trail. He moves your hand to the base of his cock, sliding into you further until you feel your own wetness on your fingers. 

“Do you feel how ready you are for me?” he asks in a breath, “The body tells all secrets.”

You clench around him again, feeling him drop down to his elbows next to your head. His lips find yours, hot and wanting as they move against yours, his tongue darting out to taste you. His hips slowly start to move, pulling out of you before pressing quickly back in. 

You feel full, just as he promised, your body successfully adjusting to every last inch he presented you with. Your arms circle around his waist as he brings a hand down to your knee, hooking it through his arm. He pulls your leg to circle his waist, giving him more access to reach you deeper. 

“Your body was made for me,” he breathes, pressing a kiss to your jaw, “It responds to me as if it knows me. As if this was always meant to be between the two of us.”

You whine as his pillowy tip grazes deep inside you, your head falling back in ecstasy. His hand grips into your ass, pulling you in closer as his thrusts become quicker. You can feel his hot breath against your face, the evidence of his exertion tangible against your skin. Your hand slides back around his front, feeling the ripple of his abdomen as his muscles contract with every press of his hips. 

You can feel it, the hot glowing light in your stomach starting to grow, the pleasure building and growing as this beautiful man leads you to yet another orgasm. Before tonight you never thought it possible to cum as many times as you had. You’d never cum from the sound of someone’s voice, and you didn’t know if you’d ever have the pleasure of experiencing that again. You weren’t sure where this man came from, but you knew you were in no hurry to end this experience. 

“Josh, I’m–”

“I can feel you, baby, I can feel you around me. Your energy is flowing and pulling me under with you,” he pants, his hips never relenting on their pace. 

“Cum with me,” you breathe, wishing you could see the look on his face, knowing it was twisting and turning in complete ecstasy. 

“Oh, sweetheart, oh I’m so close…You feel too good, this is too good, you are too good…”

You roll your hips up to meet his thrusts, feeling his hand move to cup at your chest, letting his fingers roll your nipple between them. You cry out in pleasure, your body arching into his even further. 

“Fuck, fuck,” he whines, his cock jumping inside of you. 

“Now Josh,” you urge, feeling your orgasm starting to pierce through you. 

You feel him let go inside of you, hot and deep as he holds your body firmly against his. The sounds that left his lips were low and guttural, his lips resting on your shoulder as he pressed kisses to your skin. You felt him collapse on top of you, rolling you to your side as he pulled out of you. 

You immediately missed the fullness of him inside you and the warmth that accompanied it. You felt his hand drift softly to the dip of your hip resting gently there as he pulled himself closer to you. It had all but slipped your mind that you were still blindfolded, but at this point you were committed, and wanted to see how far he would take it. 

You felt his lips meet yours, a soft gentle kiss that had you begging for more as he pulled away. “You’re beautiful, Y/N.”

You felt a blush cross your cheeks, suddenly feeling like putty in his hands. 

His fingers moved to trace the features of your face, “That was…everything…That was love and light and everything beautiful…”

Love and light, you’d heard that before, as if it was ingrained in your mind. 

Love and light…

Love and–

Suddenly, it clicked. 

You ripped the blindfold off of your head, your eyes blurry and having a hard time adjusting to the light in the room, finding the picture of a blissed out Josh laying next to you.

“You,” you breathe.

His eyes widen as he watches you sit upright on the bed, your breath still heavy, your body still quivering from the aftershocks. It took him a moment to realize the blindfold was gone, but when he did, he knew that you had figured out his little secret.

“Hi beautiful,” he breathed, pushing himself up to meet your gaze. 

“It’s– Oh my god, it’s you,” you stammer.

He slowly let his focus shift from your pleasure to you, your own surprise and realization pulling his gaze up to your face. You were staring at him in disbelief, the pieces starting to come together in your mind. He knew that there was no going back now. He slowly smiled, a small chuckle escaping him as he met your eyes, seeing you realize that he was the one and only Unknown Nightingale.

“You catch on quick,” he teased.

“Josh…This whole time?” you breathe. 

“Yeah,” he admitted, “Yeah, it’s me, baby.”

You immediately start to look around the room, wondering if you were dreaming or having some sort of psychotic break, but when you spot the leather chair at his desk, and the camera in front of it, you know it must be true. The room is glowing orange, and the art hanging on the wall behind you is the final piece of the puzzle. 

He was still looking at you, watching your mind work as you looked around the room, taking in all the small details that were so familiar to you. Things that you had seen almost nightly for the past who-knows how long.

“I see your beautiful brain working,” he breathed, the smallest hint of a smile tugging at his lips. “Just breathe. It’s alright,” he says, placing his hand on your jaw. “Does it make sense now?”

“It does, oh my god…I– Oh my god… Look at you…” you say, rubbing your fingers over his lips. The lips you’ve stared at for a year. The lips you dreamed of kissing. The lips that just devoured you completely for the last hour. 

Of course it’s him. “Your face…I can see your face… Josh…You’re so– beautiful…”

He couldn’t help the way his cheeks redden as you ran your fingers over his lips, gently tracing over them, exploring them, just like he had caressed your body, your skin. No one had ever looked at him like this, touched him this way. He felt his heart flutter as you spoke, his chest feeling full, his emotions suddenly getting the better of him.

“So are you, baby,” he whispered, his eyes tracing over your features, taking in every single curve and angle of your face. “So are you…”

“This is why you wouldn’t talk about your job…” you say, trying to fit more pieces together. 

“Well, not exactly,” he pauses, “That’s not my job, that’s just a hobby. I have a real job, and I do it with Jake, my brother you met tonight, and my other two brothers.”

“I’m so confused,” you admit, still in complete shock that the man you have listened to every night for a year, is in bed with you at this exact moment. 

“Conversation for later,” he says, finally feeling a weight off of his chest that you finally knew about this part of him. 

“All night I just had this feeling I knew you, but I knew I didn't. There was just something about you... I couldn't put my finger on it. But now, looking at you, hearing you speak. It's clear as day. I can’t believe I didn’t figure it out.”

He moves himself onto his side, laying on the bed next to you, but pulling you with him. He wants you close to him, he wants your body next to his, wanting to feel your touch as much as he wanted to touch you.

“I thought you might figure it out…I didn’t think it would be that easy though. You’re a smart girl, it was only a matter of time before you put it together,” he chuckled.

“Would you have told me…If I didn’t figure it out?” you ask.

As he lays beside you, his arm wraps over your waist, pulling you against his chest to snuggle up close. He lets the back of his fingers rest on your thigh, feeling the goosebumps that are still slowly starting to recede from his touch.

“I would have told you,” he admits in a quiet whisper. “At some point. I guess maybe I wanted you to figure it out yourself. Because when you did… I wanted to see this.”

“I’m kind of embarrassed now, that I was practically gushing over you while we were at the bar…”

He pulled you even closer against his chest, his hand finding your hip, holding you tight while he whispered. “Why would you be embarrassed, baby? I thought it was cute…”

“Because, I was even kind of ragging on you for not uploading consistently, oh my god this is awful…” you said, burying your face into his neck. “Josh, why didn’t you tell me right then…” you whine.

He chuckled as you hid your face into his neck, his hand moving up to rest on the back of your head, gently stroking your hair. “Had I known you were waiting I would have tried a little harder. I know people watch them, but I didn't know you were watching.”

“I almost sent you a message once. At the end of all of your videos you say to reach out and let you know what we think, blah blah, well, I almost did once, but I chickened out.”

He smiled, picturing you sitting at your laptop, typing a message to him about how his video helped you fall asleep, about how his voice was like a soothing balm on your brain. How you couldn’t get enough so you always found yourself watching several.

“Why did you chicken out?” he asked, nuzzling his face into your hair.

“I didn’t want to be one of those people, ya know? The ‘oh your videos help me so much, you changed my life’, all that…It’s a lot especially when it's your entire inbox.”

He chuckled, he understood what you were saying, he really did. But he couldn’t imagine a single thing he would have rather than you telling him exactly that. He nuzzled into your hair even further, breathing in the scent of you, feeling the beat of your heart against his chest as he spoke. 

“You would have been a very, very welcome message, baby.”

“Can I tell you a secret?” you asked, turning to face him. 

“Of course.”

“Tonight, right before I came to the bar I was in bed…I had just watched the video you posted tonight, and was already falling asleep…It was so good, so perfect…Exactly what I needed. Then Evie texted and well…” you giggle.

He wrapped his arm around you a little tighter as you giggled, pulling you closer to his body. “And I spilled my drink on you…” he laughs, “So the last thought in your pretty little head was me?” he teased.

“Your lips, but, yes…” you laughed.

“Truth be told, after I posted that I almost didn't go out. I was tired but Jake begged me.”

“Does he know?” you ask. 

He shook his head, “No...I didn't want anyone to know. It’s why I never show my face. No one knows, only you, now.”

“I won't tell, I promise.”

“I know you won't,” he whispered as he ran his fingers through your hair, letting the long strands fall between his digits.

“It feels like I've known you forever,” you confess. 

He hums quietly, breathing in the scent of you, of your hair. “In a way, you know me better than anyone else. You know about a part of me that no one else knows.”

“I can't believe you spilled your drink on me. Best luck of my life.”

He chuckled softly, smiling against your hair as he thought back on the moment he had met you. “Really we should thank Jake for running into me,” he teased. “I’m kind of glad it happened now, though.”

He nuzzled against your head, breathing in the feeling of your hair against his face, the closeness of your body to his. He ran his fingers gently along your arm, his hand wandering down to your hip, pulling you as close as he could to his body.

“Promise me one thing,” he breathed out.

“What's that…”

He runs his fingers along your hip again, tracing up and down your body as he speaks. “Don’t watch my videos anymore. Come to me, instead. Be with me. I don’t want you watching me, home all alone, wanting me…I want you to come to me, baby.”

“But I like your videos…”

He chuckled at your response, knowing that you didn’t agree and you didn’t want to stop watching him but he didn’t care. He wanted you to come to him, he wanted to be the one to take care of you, to soothe you.

“I know you do,” he whispered into your hair as he continued to run his fingers up and down your body. “But now you can have the real thing whenever you want…”

“And it will be just like the videos?” you ask. 

He laughs softly, “It will be so much better,” he whispers, his hand beginning to move from your hip back up your body. “I can promise that it’s much better when it’s real…When I can touch you…”

“I'll admit that hearing your voice in person, feeling your touch…” you pause, “It feels right.”

“That’s because it is,” he breathed, “Right as rain, baby.”

“So then answer this at least…”

He raised a brow at you, encouraging you to continue.

“Where do you go off to when you don’t upload for months at a time?” you ask, nervous to hear his answer. 

He felt you grow a little uneasy in his arms, nervous to hear the truth. “Well, I go on tour,” he admitted quietly, “When I disappear for a while…It’s because of tour.”

“Tour?” you repeat, “Like– like a band tour?”

He nodded quietly, “That’s right…” he whispered, “I’m not a full-time Youtuber, baby…That’s just a hobby. I sing in a band. A very well traveled band.”

“You sing…” you whisper. Of course he sings. Everything suddenly made so much more sense. 

He nods, knowing everything was starting to click into place, that the pieces of the puzzles that were missing were finally coming together. 

“I sing,” he confirmed as he ran his fingers over your body, “And we tour. A lot. That’s where I go when I disappear for a while…It’s not that I don’t want to upload, it’s that I can’t while we’re gone.”

He felt you suddenly get quiet, taking in this brand new information, learning something about him that no one else knew, something that he had kept from you. He traced his fingers over your form, feeling the way your body pressed against him, the way your skin felt under his touch.

“Say something, baby…” he whispered, pressing a soft kiss to your hair. “You’re making me nervous.”

“I– You– This is just a lot to process…”

“I know, and get it. That’s why I didn’t tell you that initially. I was always going to, just…when the time was right.” he says, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I was having too much fun with you. It felt nice to feel normal for a night.”

You smile and look at him, staring deep into his brown eyes, “Josh you are anything but normal.”

He chuckled softly, you were absolutely right on that one, he wasn’t normal in the slightest. He was a musician, and a Youtuber, a man with a double life that he had kept hidden from you and everyone else. He was famous, recognized in public, and had adoring fans at every turn. He was nowhere near normal, and he could acknowledge that, but tonight he was just Josh.

“I know, but tonight I could just be me. Just a guy that spilled his drink on a beautiful woman, and was lucky enough to have everything in common with her,” he grinned. “We can figure everything out…I’ll explain everything tomorrow, but for now, just close your eyes…Listen to my voice…It’s time to sleep.”

You let your eyes flutter closed as he began to guide you into sleep, the sound of his soft voice echoing through his chest as you listened to his slow and steady heart beat. He was right, it was better in real life, feeling his touch and his warmth against you.

Things would never be the same and you found yourself wondering how you would ever go back to how it was before, or if you would ever even need to.

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Taglist: @gretavanmoon@britney-gvf @sacredstarcatcher @wetkleenex-gvf @farfromthehomelands @takenbythemadness @writingcold @builtbybrokenbells @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @fleet-of-fiction @milkgemini @ageofcj@dancingcarbon @highway-tuna @stardustjake @jakekiszkapunchmeintheface @gvfmarge @gracev0609 @myleftsock @literal-dead-leaf @peaceloveunitygvf @ageofbajabule @jordie-gvf @sadiechar @tinydancer40 @rosabellagvf @capnjaket @lyndz2names @thetroublegetssoloud71 @gretavanomens @spark-my-nature @josh-iamyour-mama @anythingforjtk @alwaysonthemend @danieljlmwagner @klarxtr @fortunatelytinybasement @demonrat444 @gretavansara @watchingover-hypegirl @hippievanfleet @digitalnomadz @raviolilegs @lipstickitty @hippievanfleet @klarxtr @strange-whorizons @do-it-jakey-baby @myownparadise96 @gvf-luna @starshine-wagner@cassiesgreta @joopsandjangs @whimsiliz @kiszkas-canvas @joopsandjangs @broken0mens @scoreofinfantryvines @whereiskeara @do-it-jakey-baby @miravanfleet @heckingfrick @gvfpal @watchingover-hypegirl @starshine-wagner @indigobrea @slut4lando @justdamnpeachy @sacredtheslay @jakekiszkashangnail08 @dayumclarizzel @objectsinspvce @gracev0609 @kisskiss-atticus @i-love-gvf @whimsiliz

[kanmom51]

Like Crazy - new insights

*This is a reposting of my latest reblog due to issues with that specific post.

***This has been sitting in my drafts since April 2023!!!

This is the post I reblogged and the basis to my own post.

Yep. I had some of a post written way back in April 2023, but the pieces just didn't come all together for me.

After Muse's release and specifically after the BTB yesterday where JM discussed Who, Muse and the lyrics, we also saw the change made to Who's lyrics from "you" to "she" things started to clear up for me. But then, a friend also shared a picture of the original lyrics of Like Crazy, which were subsequently altered before recording. We discussed these changes and I now feel that this is it! This is the missing piece to my post.

I mostly left what I wrote over a year ago in tact, adding the missing pieces to this puzzle that makes this post with what I feel is a little more insight into Like crazy.

Needless to say, these are my opinions, how I see the lyrics, the ones that made the cut and the ones that stayed in JM's lyrics journal.

So, let's get started:

Here I was thinking I'm the only one who was seeing this...

I do hope I'm reading this right, before going off motormouth about something that maybe isn't what is being said, but to hell with it, this is something I've been thinking too and I'm just gonna come out and say it.

We're all over 18 here right?

This is a subject we can talk about?

The more I listen to this song, the more I think it to be true too.

First of all, before starting off, I want to link this ask:

**Shock and awe... "she" wasn't part of the original lyrics for Like Crazy . Colour me surprised to learn the same is true with Who (even though JM didn't actually write the song himself). Oh, and if we are on that subject already, how not surprising to see the process of writing the song with John Billion, who happens to be one of the writers of SNTY as well (me sitting here thinking of several words and references that could have been somehow suggested and inserted into the song. No idea who (nah, I'm telling lies, I know exactly who). How shocking (NOT) to see that the artist actually had input with the song lyrics of which he is not credited in writing.

Again, the depth of the song, the layers to the song and the multiple interpretations too.

JM told us this song is about him struggling. He told us he was going through a period where he was drinking too much. He was finding fulfillment in ways other than performing, as performing is part of him, he is a performer, someone who needs the stage to express himself. The stage is where he is at peace, the stage being a piece of him that he was missing.

We saw his outburst of emotions in the first day of MOTS ON:E (that was my first experience of BTS and he literally broke my heart - and later seeing him being mocked for it infuriated me).

This was October 2020, around 6 months into the pandemic. The uncertainty. This is their first online performance and from there until Muster another 9 months go by. We know from Festa 2022 that the pandemic screwed up all of their plans. The uncertainty, working on and releasing BE and then Butter and PTD everything leading up to the PTD online concert, a year after MOTS ON:E. For those that performing is their life, standing in front of an audience and giving it their all, it's a hard pill to swallow. The unknown, if they will ever get back to perform on stage in front of a live audience, when this is who they are, their essence, it can be unbearable. JM wasn't the only performer to go through this. It's just that he shared this with us. He showed us his pain and vulnerability and was mocked for it by many. Shame on them!!!

So, again, JM told us with Like Crazy, that he was filling in that hole. Alcohol was mentioned by him specifically. But listening to the song, I think it's quite clear that sex was a very big part of it as well. Looking for that rush, that high. It's clear as day, for me anyway, in the lyrics.

(I think we could last forever I'm afraid that everything will disappear Just trust me)

[Verse 1] She's saying Baby, don't think about it There's not a bad thing here tonight Baby, you can leave it Stay with me until today

[Verse 2] Watch me go Wet me all night (Away) And morning too Don't come if you're drunk

In this loud music It fades me It's a drama-like story I'm get used to it Have you come far to find me that you used to know? Yeah, I know You know, I know (Ooh)

[Chorus] I'd rather be Lost in the lights Lost in the lights I'm outta my mind It holds to the end of this night Every night You spin me up high The moon that embraces you Let me have a taste

[Post-Chorus] Give me a good ride (Oh, I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin') It's gon' be a good night (Oh, I'm fallin') Forever you and I

[Interlude] Mmm-hmm Yeah, hey Mmm-hmm Ooh-woah Mmm-hmm Mmm-hmm (Forever, you and I)

[Verse 3] Me reflects in the mirror I'm going crazy without hesitation I'm feelin' so alive, wasting time

I'd rather be Lost in the lights Lost in the lights I'm outta my mind It holds to the end of this night Every night You spin me up high The moon that embraces you Let me have a taste

[Post-Chorus] Give me a good ride (Oh, I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin') It's gon' be a good night (Oh, I'm fallin') Forever you and I

[Outro] This will break me This is gonna break me (Break me) No, don’t you wake me (Wake me) I wanna stay in this dream, don't save me Don't you try to save me (Save me) I need a way we (Way we) I need a way we can dream on (On, on, on)

Those are the lyrics he recorded.

But you see, there were changes made to the lyrics he was working on originally, and we got to see some of them.

This specifically:

Reading this draft and the final ones there are a few things that just fall into place for me (and I'd think for anyone that reads them), loud and clear:

First of all, obviously JM is singing about drinking too much alcohol. If the final lyrics hinted to losing himself in alcohol, the draft lyrics are ever so clear regarding that point.

Second of all, the sex. I think JM was pretty straight forward using the wording he was using. "Give me a good ride" can be other things, if you twist it around to try and explain it away, but bottom line, those lines within the context of the lines in the draft, like "just go turn off the light, you and me..." not to mention the whole chorus, to me the reference is obvious.

Next, I talked about the many references to JK in this song in this post:

This is all also relevant when it comes to my next point being the fact that to me it's clear that JM wrote this song referencing a special someone with whom he shares a high level of intimacy. A special someone that was there by his side when JM was struggling. A special someone that was struggling seeing JM going through everything he was.

To that person JM wrote (in the draft): "oh baby don't you cry, just wanna see your smile..."

These lines, they were too much. Too obvious. Too intimate. And they were left out probably because of just that.

So JM went with other lines. A little less obvious perhaps, and yet still very telling. The finale of the song:

No, don’t you wake me (Wake me) I wanna stay in this dream, don't save me Don't you try to save me (Save me) I need a way we (Way we) I need a way we can dream on (On, on, on)

Now, you could claim that the song is about an inner struggle. JM struggling with himself, talking to himself, and yes, that could very much be part of the message JM, the king of layering, is going for. But see, that's exactly the point. JM is the king of layering, of having several meanings and messages within his lyrics and creations. And this is not different. There is no mistaking the reference to another person, not JM himself, in the lyrics. The way he uses the "you" in the lyrics, at times could pass as you being the alcohol, at times the you being himself in the mirror, but at times it's clearly a third party he is talking to. Especially in that finale to the song, that someone that wants to lift him out of that stupor he is in, to wake him up, to save him, when he is unwilling, not ready to accept that help just yet (same person he asks not to cry, knowing that he is making them sad). There are also the clear JK references in this song. The "you are me I am you" being the loudest of them all.

But JM being JM, he showed us in his own way what this song was about, opening up and allowing us to see his drafts.

And then he gave us Letter. Hidden, and private and intimate. Addressed not to us, but to that person that was always there by his side, that person he addresses in Like Crazy telling him "forever you and I". Now, in Letter, being in a better, healthier place, he can repeat the sentiment of them together forever. A sentiment JK had mentioned in the past (omg, that was so very awkward).

And now using lines like : "I sincerely hope we are forever" and "But don’t forget that we’re always together"...

The lyrics, the sentiments, the drafted lyrics that never made it, like the use of "Dangshin", I have talked about it all. Letter was for JK. Period.

When seeing Like Crazy again, the lyrics, the struggle, the person by his side, the intimacy, and Letter, I'm kind of thinking that not only is Letter a love ode to JK. That is stating the obvious. But it's also JM's acknowledgement and thank you to that person that stood by his side in his most difficult of times.

JK.

Bottom line:

Like crazy is about JM struggling and self medicating with alcohol and sex.

It's personal about himself, his struggles, but also includes a person that is there by his side, one he is highly intimate with, one who is there with him together. That person is there, spending the nights with him, in that escape world JM created for himself. Sad seeing JM struggle, trying to find a way to help JM out of that pit but being unable to do so, staying by JM's side all the same.

We know who that person is.

Same person he addresses Letter to.

[bettyshoweduptotheparty]

Why the two "contradicting" flags? - A story about CompHet

Wow what an emotional Monday! I swear I cried on three different occasions today over different videos of Taylor singing about daylight and being out of the woods and rolling the stone away all whilst draped in pride flag colours and purple glitter (purple is the gayest colour!).

But I see a lot of confusion about the seeming contradiction of wearing a bi flag dress on Friday night and a lesbian flag dress on Sunday. And while we don’t know which of those (if any) labels she identifies with, I don’t see a contradiction at all, I see a progression. She could have worn these dresses in any order, but she specifically chose to build up to the gayest one by wearing

💙💜🩷 -> 💜 -> ❤️🧡🩷

That’s a story of unpacking comphet to me. And before you come at me, no, bisexuality is not a stepping stone identity, it can absolutely be a permanent label. But the journey of slowly unpacking societal expectations and trying on identities, landing on one that maybe fit for a while but wasn’t the right one in the end is also very common, especially for queer women. We get raised into the expectation of centring our sexuality, our gender expression, our whole lives around men. That’s the heteronormative world we live in. If your environment is religious, there’s an added layer of unlearning. Unlearning what you’ve been taught you should feel, and listening to yourself about what it is you actually feel. Unlearning that being anything other than straight is bad or sinful when you’ve been raised to be the good girl. Yes, I went through the same stages. A lot of women seemingly did during the pandemic when we were all having a break from heteronormativity and sitting at home reading Untamed by Glennon Doyle 😉. (Yes, Taylor did too, she tweeted Glennon’s wife to say how much the book had helped her. And there are actually a lot of nods to this book in both Taylor’s lyrics and the June Bates poetry books).

Coming all that way out the other end to where you can fully accept your identity and wear your colours proudly is such a special and joyful moment and happy, visible queer people still bring me to happy tears every time. And for a self-declared people pleaser that’s such a big step. I can’t tell you how many people hate lesbians simply for not centring their lives around men and rejecting the male gaze. Especially in the entertainment industry, you can maybe be bi or unlabelled but don’t ever date or (god forbid) kiss someone of the same sex in public. Rose by any other name is a scandal… and all that. But no more shame, now she’s out there full of smiles and queer joy twirling in those screaming colours. And I’ve not felt this elated on her behalf since she sang Hits Different for the first time in Chicago last year. What a joyful Monday indeed. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

[covid-safer-hotties]

Long COVID patients have similar brain activity to those with dementia, UK researchers find - Published Sept 10, 2024

By: Kendall Staton

Some patients with COVID see similar brain changes to people with such neurodegenerative disorders as Alzheimer’s, according to University of Kentucky researchers.

As the COVID pandemic raged across the world in 2020, researchers came together to start better understanding the new disease. At UK, Yang Jiang, a professor in the Department of Behavioral Science, led a study digging into the long-term effects of the virus.

“We’re together trying to understand how the COVID virus goes from getting into the nose and the lung, to somehow affecting the heart and the brain,” she said.

“We think there may be a long COVID, which we still don’t totally understand. It’s likely a risk factor for other neurodegenerative diseases.”

Looking at the effects of long COVID, Jiang sought help from the UK Sanders Brown Center on Aging to better understand the lingering mental effects of the virus.

“They understand some of the neuroinflammatory processes and how oxygen and blood will go through the blood brain barrier and interact with the virus, and how that alters brain functions,” she said. “So we began to sort of put two sides of evidence together.”

Chris Norris, a professor in the Department of Pharmacology and Nutritional Sciences and researcher at the Sanders Brown Center, said they were able to find brain cells, called astrocytes, in people diagnosed with COVID reacting similarly to brain cells of people with neurodecline.

“(Astrocytes) regulate blood flow to the brain, they regulate the shuttling of metabolites from the blood to the neurons, they support synaptic connections in the brain. When astrocytes become reactive and inflamed, like they do in COVID, all of those things – the metabolism, the blood flow, the synaptic communication – are adversely affected,” he said.

Those same cells also affect blood flow. Alzheimer’s patients and long COVID patients could both experience decreased blood flow in the brain, said Bob Simpol, an assistant professor in the Department of Pharmacology and Nutritional Sciences and researcher at the Sanders Brown institute.

He called COVID a “risk factor” that could contribute to long-term cognitive impairment or neurodegeneration.

People experiencing inflammation of astrocytes will see symptoms like brain fog, lapses in memory or forgetting the name of common items. Norris said these symptoms go beyond misplacing your keys, to something more serious – like forgetting you had your keys to begin with.

The research also showed that the brains of people with long COVID had similar electroencephalography (EEG) patterns to people with dementia.

Jiang said EEG’s measure “brain age” by looking at the activity of brain waves.

“Our brain is active all the time, even when you’re resting and when you sleep. EEG can capture the synchronized neural activity at the scalp. So what we observed, in COVID-19 patients, is the same pattern we see in dementia patients, which is the brain literally slows down,” Jiang said.

A COVID diagnosis does not mean you have dementia. Instead, people who have been diagnosed with COVID should have their brain function checked regularly, to catch signs of deterioration early and promote intervention.

With early intervention, 40-60% of neurodegeneration symptoms are reversible, Jiang said. With this research, the team is pushing for patients who have had a COVID diagnosis to get regular neurological check-ups.

“You can now look at brain function pretty easily and non invasively with EEG, just as easily as taking your blood pressure or listening to your lungs,” Norris said.

“After your symptomatic, it may be a good idea to have your brain activity assessed.”

[neysaadept]

Prometheus Chapter 5

Emily Prentiss x Female CIA Reader

Chapter 5 - What Now?

Tags: Limited use of y/n but established last name. Swearing, mentions of the pandemic and human and sex trafficking. Canon typical violence. Sexual innuendos. Drinking. Minors DNI.

Word Count: 4.2k

AO3

Chapter 4

You didn’t go to Quantico today. Not that anyone would notice your absence besides Prentiss and that was fine by you. Let her stew while you figure out what you want. A difficult task since you had no idea what that was without someone telling you what to do. You rarely had the lead on your mission purpose. You could tell Brian what happened to gain some professional advice but decided it is best to keep it to yourself. Think things through for a bit before reaching out. And you were glad that the section chief didn’t contact you.

Not that you were expecting it. Prentiss wasn’t one to make amends so quickly, especially when she felt she was in the right. You respected her motivations for team preservation, but the woman went about it completely wrong.

You were not kind, either. But she provoked you, wouldn’t budge, and too fucking proud to admit she was wrong. You didn’t regret anything you said to her and probably continue being a petulant ass if she contacted you.

So here you were at the Botanical Gardens, sipping coffee from a to go cup you bought at the café, and casually stroll around the exhibits. The fragrance that you greedily inhaled was intoxicatingly calming. There was barely a sound, too, since it was a weekday and you were happy to learn from the cashier that there were no school trips planned for today. For a short time, you can pretend to have the place to yourself as you round the long rectangular pool in one of the exhibits far from the entrance.

Natural light filtered through glass ceiling, illuminating large trees hugged by well-manicured flowers. Wooden benches were tucked between large potted plants, the same ones that were placed around the pool, though on opposite ends were long planters with bright pink flowers that easily caught your eye.

You pause roughly a foot away from the pool and close your eyes, listening to the gentle laps of water hitting the edges. You could almost forget about yesterday’s argument. Eyes still close, you bring the lip of the cup to your mouth and take a healthy swallow while slipping a hand into your jean pocket …

… and felt your phone buzz.

You enjoy pretending nothing was wrong for a moment longer before opening your eyes and pulling the phone free from your back pocket. Should you take bets as to who was messaging you?

To your surprise, it was Rebecca. Did she know what happened?

You take another sip and unlock your phone to read the message,

Wilson sent 1043: Hey! Drinks this weekend?

So, she didn’t know.

Interesting.

A pang of guilt made your stomach ache thinking how the falling out with Prentiss would affect her if you didn’t go back to working with the BAU. The AG went to bat for the two of you when she didn’t have to.

Bailey would love it if you backed out and could resume causing trouble for the team. You couldn’t have that, but you equally couldn’t have Prentiss treating you like shit. Why you didn’t want to make any hasty decisions until you distance yourself further from the time of the fight and figure out what you wanted.

Whitlock sent 1055: Sure. Let me know when and where. Tara going to be there too?

Wilson sent 1057: Yep. We want to hear how things are going.

You sigh and look up at the large leaves hanging over your head.

Whitlock sent 1100: Sounds like a plan

No need to drop any major bombshells until you know what was going on.

Wilson sent 1101: 😊 Great!

And you have a couple of days to figure it out.

Today should have been a good day for the BAU. Tyler Green was apprehended before he could use the kill kit, but it was a clusterfuck of a joint task force with Domestic Terrorism. The BAU had gone after Green and Rossi had refused to call JJ and Luke back when ordered, which pissed Bailey off. But the deputy director had a sniper in place that he failed to mention to them. So, they were all in the wrong and kept secrets from one another since the two divisions didn’t trust either side. Everything settled into place with no casualties, but the fallout was intense.

Bailey’s press conference announced to Sicarius that they were on to him and right after it was over, fired Rossi as unit chief. He then ordered Prentiss to install a new team leader that would report directly to him. So of course, she said fuck that and would work two jobs. He wouldn’t approve of anyone currently on the team, and she wouldn’t approve of anyone else since Bailey would immediately try and manipulate the new member against them.

Emily would always protect her team.

Then a few hours ago, the case grew interesting as the team deduced that Green was Garcia’s informant. He never had any intention of setting off the bomb, already neutralizing the kill kit. The disgraced army veteran was attempting to lure Sicarius out by infiltrating his network so he could kill him for murdering his sister.

One saving grace for Emily is that everyone was on high alert today that no one questioned where you were. She didn’t offer any insight, either. Not that she had any.

You didn’t show up for work and she received no contact from you, nor anything from Langley. Not like she was going to poke that hornet’s nest. Until the issue of you and the contract came up, Emily had real work to do.

Which was a ton of it. More files and paperwork had exponentially piled up on her desk in a matter of hours. The long hours at work were about to double.

“Hey, Emily.”

She looks up with a tired smile towards Rossi as he approaches her desk. “Dave.”

“What a day, huh?” He sits down, folding his hands across his stomach.

Emily partly snorts as she leans back in her chair. “That’s being kind.”

His lips slightly turn upwards to acknowledge the severity of the unspoken truth of the BAU leadership shake up, but he was here for another reason. “You know, I was hoping to speak to Whitlock today.”

“Oh?” she gave away nothing but polite curiosity as to why Dave was interested in you.

“Wanted to finish our conversation from yesterday, but she never came in.” He studies Emily intently.

She doesn’t look away and says nothing to confirm or deny what he said.

“Her desk is clean,” he supplies after motioning over his shoulder towards the couch. “No Diet Coke bottles.”

Emily wouldn’t have guessed your soda addiction would end up being the clue to your absence.

“Wanna tell me what happened?” he presses.

She licks her lips, tapping pen in hand lightly on the desk as she struggles on how to begin.

Rossi chuckles at seeing her inwardly battle on what to say. “Wow. That bad?”

“Yeah,” she nods. “It was.”

“What was the argument about?”

Her face scrunches up as she takes a deep breath before explaining. “Not trusting her.”

His brows raise with admonishment.

“Oh, don’t do that. I have every right not to,” she argues firmly.

“On what grounds?”

“On the grounds that there’s absolutely nothing substantial on record about her.” She shakes her head with contempt. “You know she had legal trouble?” Rossi shakes his head that he didn’t. “That’s how she knows Wilson. Helped her out of it.”

He fans his hands out unconvinced. “And?”

“She admitted her file’s sealed and she did nothing wrong. That she made the right call in the field.”

“Every member of the BAU has been in trouble at some point or another in similar circumstances. Legal and otherwise,” he says with the tone of a wise, patient, parent. “And we’re not aware of any significant reprimand, otherwise why retain a high rank in the CIA.”

“Yes, but I know all of you. I don’t know her.”

“Hotch didn’t know you when you joined. Yet here you are.” He gestures around Hotch’s former office. “Section Chief.”

She remains unconvinced, face hardened with mistrust.

“Come on, Emily. Even you were given the opportunity to prove yourself. Why can’t you afford the same arm length courtesy?”

That is the question, isn’t it? Why doesn’t she like you besides the overall mistrust. Again, there were a lot of similarities to your careers that she should have some sympathy towards you and your situation. But it’s difficult to shake your reasoning for helping Wilson with this immense favor of the BAU budget resolution.

“It’s the stipend. Or the amount of the stipend that unburied us,” she admits carefully.

“Ah.” He smiles. “Too good to be true?”

“Yes,” she nods. “And why does she even has that much to use? Whatever happened was big and I don’t want that drama effecting the BAU.”

“Wow. Emily, with all due respect, that’s very hypocritical of you after what happened wi-“

“Don’t you dare.” She swivels the chair to face him fully. “Don’t you dare compare what happened with Doyle with her.”

“Why? Because you have nothing to compare the drama with?” He scoffs as she nods in affirmation. “Why does it matter?”

“Because Bailey’s still breathing down my neck trying to disband the unit and is clearly finding new creative ways to do it since the budget is no longer an issue.” She rests her head against the high back chair, staring at the ceiling.

Dave stiffens in the chair. “Emily, what exactly happened with you and Whitlock?”

She pensively pulls her lips together as she closes her eyes. “I may have admitted … that I only cared about her because of the money.”

Rossi could not help the surprise look on his face. “Emily, no …”

She sighs and opens her eyes, a hint of regret etching into her words. “I was angry after she joked about being the BAU sugar mama. Everything after that went to shit.”

He was starting to get tired of Emily speaking around what actually happened between the two of you. “What exactly are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I have no idea if Whitlock is still on board.” She raises her hand futilely at her office door. “She left, probably for good. Which means our contract with her is null and void.”

“And the money we were hoping for …”

“… doesn’t come,” she finishes soberly.

“And you didn’t think to contact her to see where she stands in all of this?”

“Oh, it did cross my mind,” she answers ruefully. “I just haven’t. And to be fair, the shit we dealt with today made it a low priority.”

Rossi wasn’t sure how being in exorbitant debt would be a low priority if the expectant help wasn’t coming. “And now?”

She finally shifts her gaze towards Rossi, lost. “I don’t know.”

“Sure, you do,” he chides as he stands up. “You just need to apologize.”

You were glad that the sports bar, Buddy’s, was still around to enjoy the football preseason despite the Bears not playing tonight. You were a true fan of your hometown team. Thick and thin, you bitched and cheered after every play during a Bears game, loyally critical. Perhaps you should be a tad loyal to the Commanders since you lived in the D.C. area when off mission, but you honestly didn’t care. You were happy to enjoy any game that was playing on the screens over the bar counter.

Right now, the Giants were playing the Patriots in a close game as you sat at the bar nursing a Stella on draft with a bowl of gumbo. Brian still didn’t know of your indecision, though you did end up feeling a twinge of guilt after watching the shitshow of a press conference Bailey held earlier today.

He was such a fucking tool, broadcasting that the FBI was on to Sicarius and taking full credit of capturing the unsub in Allaband Park. There was no way that the operation was a success without the BAU there and even you knew that Prentiss was just in the background to show that everyone was playing nice.

You briefly wonder if you could have helped the team, or more accurately, would have been allowed to help the team today if her majesty could get over her mistrust of you.

At least Brian had texted to check on you after hearing of Green’s capture.

Dad sent 1534: You ok?

Whitlock sent 1603: Yeah I’m good

Dad sent 1632: Glad to hear it.

You made sure to allow enough reasonable time before responding to make it look like you were busy after the capture, and to answer truthfully without being specific.

“Oh, come on!” You gesture at the screen when a defensive lineman wasn’t covered and sacked the Giants quarterback.

You didn’t really care who wins but you would always call out stupid plays, and that was one major fuck up. As the Giants took a time out, you went back to your gumbo and felt the counter vibrate twice, indicating a message was received. You had missed who it was from and go to unlock the screen …

… and drop your spoon in the bowl in shock.

Overlord sent 1932: I’d like to meet up and discuss last night.

Never did it cross your mind to think that you’d get a text from Emily fucking Prentiss.

You’re motionless as you stare at the screen, hands resting on either side of your meal and the phone as you consider the offer. Let alone that there was an offer so soon. You pinch your brows before you pick up the phone, thumbs hovering over the keyboard.

You write out several replies to get the smartass comments out of your system.

Fuck off

New phone, who dis?

Make sure when you come the pole’s dislodged from your ass

Now you wanna talk?

Oh I’m so relieved that the queen wishes to make time for her lowly servant

Are you drunk?

Each one was deleted, and Emily was probably wondering why it was taking so long for you to respond if she saw you were constantly typing a reply.

And what was going to be your real one?

You swallow down several gulps of beer, decision made.

Whitlock sent 1946: Sure. Come to Buddy’s. Know where it is?

You were tired of Prentiss having the home field advantage and if she really was earnest in wanting to speak, she would come to you.

Overlord sent 1949: I do not

Must not be her scene and thinking back to her office, there was no sports stuff displayed there, unlike the glimpses of Cubs gear in Rossi’s office when you walked by.

Whitlock sent 1950: I sent you the location

Overlord sent 1952: Got it. See you in about an hour

You fought the urge to send, ‘It’s a date!’, and simply set your phone aside. You were proud of yourself for behaving and flag the bartender over, immediately handing her your Platinum American Express card. “Start a tab, will ya?”

The blonde bartender that had been working your side of the bar counter took it with a smile. It accentuated her stud piercing above her lip. “Sure thing, sweetie.”

“Oh! And do me a favor?” Your eyes were alight with mischief that made the woman pause. “When you see a grumpy looking woman dressed like a Fed walk in, bring her a glass of your best red.”

It took Emily ten minutes to find a parking space, not expecting a sports bar to be this busy on a Thursday night. At least the five minute walk was pleasant with the light breeze and night clear enough of cloud cover to enjoy the bright crescent moon hovering in the sky. It was off center, reminding her of the Chesire Cat’s grin. Which then reminds her of you and your antics.

Ugh. Please don’t be an ass tonight.

As she enters, she immediately spots you, recognizing the suede jacket of yours hanging over the back of the bar stool to your left. She guesses it is to save a spot for her. As she approaches, she takes in your relaxed appearance, causally watching the game and sipping at the glass of beer you cradle with a hand on the counter. You had your hair pulled back in a loose braid that rested against a black tee and wore jeans that were fraying at the end that covered the top of brown work boots.

Before she even had a chance to greet you, a glass of red wine appears on the counter next to you. She catches the bartender and you sharing a knowing look before she disappears to take care of someone else.

“Hey, Prentiss.” You turn to remove your jacket and place it back where it belongs behind you.

Emily shrugs her long coat off and hangs it over the back of the chair. You couldn’t help but notice how out of place she looks. It wasn’t the clothes, no. There were a lot of suits that end up relaxing at a sports bar - throwing back some beer and cocktails as they yell at the screens in joy or contempt. It was why the beer and cocktails menu were long and the wine list short. And it was why Prentiss got a basic cabernet sauvignon while you got many drafts on tap to choose much to your delight.

She sits beside you and gestures to the drink. “Thanks.”

“Welcome.” Your face scrunches together in repentance. “Consider it an apology for basically calling you a functional alcoholic.”

You take a sip of your beer while watching highlights from the game. The Giants had won by a field goal.

Prentiss nods as she takes a sip from her glass. She makes a light face of approval at the taste of the wine. “Ironic offering this to the maybe functional alcoholic.”

“Touche.”

You both grow silent, Prentiss trying to recover from the peace offering she was drinking and the fact you apologized first. It was commendable to be the bigger person when Emily was in the wrong.

“Do you normally come to places like this?” she asks carefully, seeing where you two stand right now in this conversation.

“Nah. Just didn’t want to be at the apartment doing the same thing.” And you didn’t need to cook, which was a bonus.

“You like,” she gestures to the screen and awkwardly asks, “football?”

You found it cute she was trying.

“I’m not a die hard fanatic, but I enjoy the game a lot.” You finally turn to look at her. “I take it you’re not a fan.”

She shakes her head no and meets your gaze. “I am not.”

“Of all sports, right?”

“That would be right.”

You both stare at one another for a few moments before you shift in your chair to lean against the counter, resting your elbow on top to prop up your head. “If it helps to shake off some of my mystique, I’m a Bears fan. You probably don’t understand how sad that it is, but it is. My team sucks but I’ll always root for them.”

That jibe made Emily relax, even making the curves of her mouth turn upwards just enough to realize what you were getting at. “So, you’re saying you’re loyal?”

You nod. “I am. To those who treat me right.”

Emily takes a long sip of her wine to marinate on the accusation she deserves. You wait her out, watching Emily pay attention to commentary and statistics she doesn’t give a shit about on the screens across from you.

“I shouldn’t have referred to you as a means to an end.” Her hands rest on the base of the wine glass, steadying the drink as much as her own words. “It’s difficult for me to …”

You watch as she chews over what to say.

“… for me to trust you.”

You inwardly sigh and drop the arm holding your head up. Your body went on the defense, as did your tone. “Yes, we’ve been through this …”

“It’s not without reason,” she supplies quickly, but not rudely, as she cuts you off.

“I agree. But you dehumanized me,” you reply bitterly. “I was basically your money whore.”

“I didn’t …” But Emily pauses, realizing the joke you made was not your usual smartass retort, but a self-deprecating comment of how hurt you were.

She remembers you saying that you hide your trauma with humor, and what you just said admitted to a painful past of being underappreciated or undeserving.

“Stop profiling me, Prentiss,” you warn, eyes pleading.

She backs down and nods. “I’m sorry. It’s defensive most of the time in situations like this.”

“Okay, that I can understand. Social shit isn’t my forte either. Especially through all the bullshit we’ve been through.” You hold up your hands on the immediate defense as Prentiss starts to look suspicious. “And I mean generally. I’m not talking about any specifics. But people like us, with the shit we’ve done and lived through, have intense self defense mechanisms and shitty coping skills that we see everything’s a threat until we get to understand one another.”

“Ah,” she slowly nods. “Yes. That’s very true.” Then she narrows her eyes at you. “Why couldn’t you be this reasonable last night?”

“Why did you have to be a bitch?” you counter.

“Fair point,” she chuckles and looks aggrieve. “I was painfully informed I was as such earlier today.”

“Hence the text?”

“Mhm.”

“Well … good.” You down more of your drink as Prentiss does with hers, both avoiding the unspoken question - were you staying with the BAU?

Though as you watch the section chief, you see a shift in her facial features. A harden look as she comes to a decision inside her head.

“How about we start over.”

“Like, how?” you found this perplexing.

“Like this.” She turns on the stool and holds a hand out before you. “Hi, I’m sorry for the misunderstanding yesterday. I’m Section Chief Emily Prentiss.”

Your eyes go wide and look down at the olive branch. You could hear Brian’s voice reminding you that you never quit on anyone and why you shouldn’t start now.

So, you take Emily’s hand and squeeze it. “Special Agent Y/N Whitlock. Nice to meet ya.”

She lightly smiles before releasing your hand, but she starts to dread the roguish look you're directing towards her. “What?” she questions slowly, draping her arm over the back of the bar stool.

“Nothing bad, I promise.” Your smile disarms her as you notice she was genuinely concerned this would degrade into another misunderstanding. “I know you don’t know me, and I can’t say much, but to start this partnership off better, how about you get to ask me one question, and I promise to answer it to the best of my ability without joking around.”

Her lower lip protrudes with consideration. “All right.” She takes a hefty swallow of wine and sets it down to look you directly in the eyes. “How did you join the CIA?”

“Fuck,” you say, rolling your eyes. “I can’t say.”

You watch as the tiny bit of the wall Emily had taken down starts to build right back up. The shift in her brown eyes makes you feel miserable. “Wait!” you urge. “Please. I really can’t say, and that’s the truth. But I can offer something related to it.”

Emily becomes intrigued. “Go on.”

“Brian Korogoth recruited me.”

“Brian … Korogoth?” she repeats back for clarification.

“Yes.”

“The current Director of the CIA?” she stabs the counter with her index finger for emphasis.

“Yep.”

“That Brian Korogoth?” Emily needs to ask it again to make sure she was hearing this right.

“To be fair, he wasn’t that when I met him, but … yes.”

It took a few minutes for Emily to digest this new information. She had briefly worked with Korogoth when she was in JTF-12 before the Doyle case. He was an intelligent and calculating man. A natural leader. He liaised between JTF-12 and Interpol to track down members of the Armed Islamic Group* in Great Britain when a string of car bombings had occurred.

“Wow. Okay then.” She blinks a few times in realization and feels a newfound respect for the woman before her.

“I should have probably led with that when we first met to save us from all the bullshit between us, huh?” you say, as if reading her thoughts.

She laughs, an honest laugh, that echoes quite lovely over the din of patrons. “Probably, yes.”

You hold up your glass and offer Prentiss a bright smile. “To starting over?”

Emily didn’t hesitate in reaching for her wine glass to clink it against your drink. “To starting over.”

*Also known as the GIA

Chapter 6

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