#been derping away on my stories for over a year and finally have something to show

[snidgetwidgeon]

Insurrection Recollections Series: Clandestine Research

After Zelda's father orders her to give up her research, Zelda and Purah hatch a plan. The only way it will succeed is if Link intervenes.

~~~

The day after her father told her she could no longer waste her time by playing the scholar, Zelda was issued an official written directive via castle courier as if she were one of his subordinates. She was livid. It instructed her to relinquish all of her ancient technology artefacts and materials to the Tech Lab by the end of the week. Oh how considerate of him to give me some time to sort out my busy schedule! She tore the missive to pieces and threw it in the fireplace.

Fine. She would do it post haste to the detriment of everything else she had going on. Studies with her economy instructor? Nope, she had a directive. Receiving the latest visiting dignitary in court that evening? Nope, she had a directive from the King. A fruitless visit to the Spring of Power to perform devotions that brought her nothing but scorn from her own people? Thank Nayru she had a Goddess damned directive from her father that allowed her to avoid the very thing she no longer wanted to do anyway!

Link looked on as Princess Zelda stomped back and forth between her room and study, forgetting things in her state and then becoming even more upset. He had offered his help but she refused so he stood watch on the bridge. The best he could do was stay out of her way and be available at a moment’s notice.

When she finally got to her journal, having left it for last, she closed the door to her study to have a moment of privacy. As she re-read some of the pages detailing her adventures into archaeology, she thought about how they were merely notes and should not be subject to the purge. She decided to keep it.

Emerging from her study with a resolve that Link could see was strained at best, Zelda nodded to him that she was ready to leave. He hailed an available attendant and they assisted in carrying items down to the stables. Even with Zelda insisting on carrying some things herself, the attendant would need to make one more trip and grab another person along the way.

While the rest was being collected, Zelda and Link saddled up the horses in silence. To anyone else, this would seem no different from the early days of their time together when she resented him and their silence was cold and strained. Now it was a companionable silence. He caught her looking at him over her horse’s back as she was tightening her straps. He smiled.

She felt a flush and a sudden need to make an excuse. “You always have such a way with horses...” She then ducked behind hers and pretended to do something else.

Between their mounts and a third mare carrying normal travel supplies, they were able to take everything. Zelda also wore a satchel on her back with a few of the more delicate items. As they made their way through the grounds, Link steered his horse around slightly, indicating down the path that led to the docks and asked, “Shall we take the ferry?”

“No, thank you.” She looked straight ahead with her nose stuck figuratively up toward her father as she passed him. “I would like to make this trip last as long as possible if you don’t mind.”

~~~

They arrived in the evening, just in time for dinner. Zelda and Link had agreed on the way there that she could have a night of normalcy. While she went in, he attended the horses and unloaded everything, stacking it in a tidy pile just inside the workshop to be dealt with in the morning. He then joined the others, received a heaping serve of beef curry and proceeded to keep mostly to himself as he was wont to do in large social gatherings. 

He watched Zelda closely, but not obviously, and noticed how very bittersweet it all was for her. She would no doubt be wishing it could be like any other visit. She laughed and carried on with the others, sharing how well the trials at the castle had gone the previous day. But he could see it. Any small moment where she wasn’t engaged with someone, her face fell and the light was gone from her eyes. When Purah noticed and asked if she was alright, she easily brushed it off by saying she was just tired from her busy schedule and a full day of travel.

The following morning, Link was in tow when Zelda entered Purah’s messy workspace with the Sheikah Slate. They had already seen to the items in the workshop, making sure they were distributed to the proper places around the Lab.

“Good morning, good morning! You’re just in time- oh, I’m so glad you brought the Slate. I meant to send word that you should come by the Lab soon so I could use it, but you must have read my mind because here you are; and I completely forgot to send the word.” She put her arm around Zelda’s shoulders and guided her to the large stone in the middle of the room, “Come, I want you to look at this and tell me what you think.”

Zelda let herself be dragged over but instead of looking at the stone, she sort of glazed over in an effort to shield herself from more pain. “Purah, I must apologize.”

“What for? Give it a second, I didn’t expect you to figure it out right away, silly.”

“No, I mean- I should have told you first thing last night.” She handed the Sheikah Slate to Purah who took it with brows furrowed in concern but also remained quiet to listen to her friend.

“Father has ordered me to focus all of my attention on my training. I’m- I can no longer assist the research team. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I just... kind of wanted to pretend it didn’t happen for as long as I could.”

“Oh, Zelly, no. It’s ok.” Purah gave her a quick but sincere hug before going off. “Din’s balls, this is the pits! I’ll be lodging a formal complaint- you watch me- he can’t take away one of my best researchers.” She waved the Slate around dramatically. “Now I’m going to have to find a new translator; who does he think he is!?”

Zelda started giggling. As always, Purah’s infectious energy and earnestness made her feel a bit less crap when she was down. “The King,” Zelda’s giggling evolved into open laughter. ”He’s the King, Purah.”

Purah just pushed up her glasses and said matter-of-factly, “Well... King or no King, he’s acting like a fool.”

Link smiled from his post across the room thinking about how he couldn’t agree more. The day before yesterday on the bridge he had questioned if his oath to protect the Princess extended to defending her from the King himself.

“Were you leaving today?” Purah asked, but didn’t let Zelda answer and kept talking, “You’re not leaving today. I need your help with something and you aren’t officially done until you leave, you hear? Come with me.” She strode out of her office on a mission.

Zelda smiled after her and then looked at Link with a raised brow asking- not for his approval, but more his opinion. He merely shrugged and gestured that she should follow the woman.

Over the course of the day Link observed their antics and found moments to opportunistically disappear when it looked like they were going to need a person for some sort of trial. That night, some celebrations ramped up as Purah decided to throw a gratitude party to thank Zelda for all that she had contributed. Link thought that idea was pretty smart, making it look like Zelda’s choice to take on other important tasks. This way, she could leave with her head held high, at least until she was out of sight.

About mid morning the following day, Link got the horses ready for the return home and then realized he may have been a bit preemptive when he went to collect Zelda. She and Purah looked at him like startled foxes when he entered Purah’s office and they proceeded to finish their conversation in hushed voices.

Perhaps Zelda wanted to stay on longer? Then Purah spoke normally again and handed Zelda a book. “So, if you could just take that one back to my room, that would be great.”

Zelda nodded and said nonchalantly, “No problem.”

As she walked out, Link started to follow, but Purah exclaimed, “Oh, Link! Could you help me carry these?” She grinned, “Please?”

“Um, sure. What is it?” he asked when he didn’t see anything specific that she was asking about.

“Just a sec!” Her eyes darted around and she grabbed a box that already had a few guardian pieces in it which she proceeded to unceremoniously dump in the middle of the floor. She then flitted around the room grabbing random items to throw in the box that she needed ‘help’ carrying.

He wandered over to the second story window to check on the horses outside while he waited to see how- whatever it was that she was up to- played out. He didn’t have to wait long at all as he noticed Zelda, distinctly not in Purah’s room, and still holding onto that book. He immediately knew what it was. Ancient contraband.

She approached her white horse and gave it a scratch as she went to place the book in her saddlebags. As she lifted the flap she hesitated for a moment. He smirked as she went over to his horse instead and buried the book into his saddle bag. Clever, but not clever enough. If she was worried that her father might go as far as to search her things when she returned, then he was not going to take the chance that they wouldn’t do the same to him. He’d have to hide it better later.

“Right! So... this stuff here. Could you please take it downstairs?” Purah requested with another cheesy grin.

He balked a little at everything sticking out of it. She couldn’t at least have made her distraction easy? He gave a little sigh, “No problem.”

~~~

That night as Zelda slept by the campfire, Link snuck over to the horses and quietly dug through his saddle bag for the book. She tucked it right at the bottom under the other book he generally kept with him in case he ever had time to kill. He looked back over to her sleeping form and surreptitiously stuck it behind his back just inside the waistband of his trousers, then tightened his belt over it a bit. Sleep would be a bit less comfortable and he’d have to wear his cloak over it even if he got warm tomorrow, but that should do the trick.

When they arrived back home, Link clocked that their approach was noticed with a bit more interest than usual. Zelda may not have been wrong in her suspicions regarding her father; the King was becoming more stressed and paranoid by the day.

They were met at the West gatehouse by a young castle guard who looked nervous. “Many pardons Princess Zelda, but we have instructions to check your cargo.”

She kept her calm and said coldly, “Do as you will.”

Another guard approached to help and she felt her ire rise as they rummaged through her things right next to her. She didn’t bother hiding her withering stare. She wasn’t going to make it easy for them.

Once they were satisfied, the guard bowed. “My apologies, Princess.”

“Indeed.” She then clicked for her horse to continue and went no more than two steps before she heard the guard behind her ask for Link to please remain still for a search as well. Her stomach sank and she twisted around in her saddle before pulling her mount up sideways. Outwardly, she appeared to just be waiting for her Knight Attendant. Link appeared entirely unfazed, and why wouldn’t he? He didn’t know that she’d foolishly set him up to be punished.

Her eyes darted back and forth between the guards, then stared sharply at the one that took out a book. He turned it over and opened it to a random page in the middle before nodding to Link and placing it back in his bag. “Our apologies, Sir Link. Please enjoy the rest of your day.” They crossed an arm across their chest and nodded.

Link came to join her as she continued a few more steps before she stopped awkwardly. Her mind was racing. Did it get lost!? She gave a harried look at Link who returned it with a head tilt of curiosity. Did he find it and throw it out!? She couldn’t act on any of her agonizing questions!

“On second thought,” she called after the guards, “You may take the horses to the stables. Please have my things delivered and report to my father that I will be resting from today’s journey and will not be disturbed.” She dismounted, continuing out of the gatehouse on foot. Link followed suit.

As she went up the steps leading to the courtyard below her quarters, she was afraid to say anything with patrolling guards so near. She finally stomped up the stairs to her room in a frenzied state. That book was important! How was she going to find out about what happened to it without being seriously reprimanded from going against her father’s will?

She practically forgot Link was behind her and before she entered her room, he said in a hushed tone, “The next time you need me to hide something for you,” he pulled the book out from under his tunic behind his back, “it might be better that I’m actually involved.”

She looked down at it and her eyes widened before snapping back up to his smug face. It quickly turned into one of shock as she grabbed him by the front of his tunic and pulled him in. After riding the highest levels of stress, fear of discovery, and relief all in the span of a few minutes, she latched onto him in a tight hug without a second thought. “Thank Hylia, you have it! First I thought I was fine, then I thought I’d- and you would be punished for sure as well, and then I thought it was lost somehow-” she had pulled away at this point, “but how could it be? I hid it at the very bottom.”

Link watched her nervous rambling with a rather judgmental, yet amused expression.  

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

He held his hands up, book still in one, as if to accept defeat to a potential argument that hadn’t even started.

“I didn’t think that they would bother to search you.” She stopped herself as she noticed her old habit of deflecting fault was rearing its ugly head. She had vowed to be better since he saved her life in the desert and right now, that meant an apology was probably due.

She sighed, “I’m sorry, Link. I should have trusted you. I guess I just thought that you wouldn’t approve or... may have stopped me.”

“Have you met you?” he asked rhetorically as he handed the book over.

She copped his joke and pressed her lips together hard so she wouldn’t laugh on principle, but her belly bounced a little  in a silent chortle anyway. Once she regained her composure her brows knitted and she enquired, “But why didn’t you just tell me you knew before we got back? You could have-” her mouth gaped as she gasped in realization. “You were getting back at me for not telling you!?”

“I did think I was owed a tiny bit of payback for being an unknowing accomplice in smuggling your ancient contraband.”

“Well... I...” She became flustered in her defeat.

He hadn’t meant to actually make her feel bad so he smiled. “It’s ok. I’m on your side so just tell me next time you need help.”

He probably thought that was just a nice thing to say but his genuine declaration of support struck right to the base of her core. The oaths that they had taken at the beginning of this colossal mess had meant nothing to her back then, but through the eventual development of their friendship, she discovered that those ties now carried weight; and though she still felt useless for the coming trial, she respected their bond more than ever. And he did too. Urbosa and Impa were the only other people whom she felt truly knew her. Now she had another, and she felt blessed that he was always by her side.

Blinking away her hard stare at his words, she came back to herself and said, “Alright then. Since you’re now in on this, you can be my mule.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I’m Purah’s best translator so I’ll need you to feed any potential discoveries to Impa. If she’s away you can take them to Robbie. He’ll still be here for a while yet working on the Guardians.”

She continued nattering on, the way she did when she seemed to speak more to herself than to another person, while she sat down with the book at her desk and started to flip through the pages. “I’ll be starting right away. I’ve actually been dying to dive in. Did you want to stay until I get something ready or do you have things you need to do?”

When she looked back at him he had an unspoken expectation on his face which she proceeded to misread. “It’s quite alright if you have things to take care of, I’m sure I’ll be a while yet before I have- oh! You mean,” she smiled sheepishly and then cleared her throat. “Sorry. Sir Link, do you consent?”

The way she asked had him closing his eyes and shaking his head in amusement.

“No?”

“No- I mean, yes, Princess, you have my consent.” He bowed eloquently. “I’ll return later when you might have something for me.”

“Thank you.”  

He opened the door to leave and she added, “And thank you for...”

He stopped and looked back.

“For being on my side,” she finished.

He nodded and went.

She sat for a few moments looking at where he’d just been, a tingle running through all of her limbs in a wave, causing goosebumps.

~~~

There had been a few things of interest that she sent to Purah via Link’s underground network. Thankfully, she had kept many detailed notes about how to translate ancient Sheikah text. She always was a good note taker. Her very own research journal was an invaluable resource that she had justifiably not been made to give up. Her father must have either thought she couldn’t do much with it or didn’t want to go to such an extent to violate her personal belongings after he took the only thing that was bringing her any joy.

She was out at her study tower again, working on it at a time she was not likely to be disturbed- but even if she were, Link was on duty outside. She came across a passage on underground structures and thought she was finally on track to learning where the pillars were. If only they could be located, the research team would supposedly be able to harness many more Guardians, not just the ones that had been dug up. These ones were properly stored and ready for when the Calamity struck.

With her potential conclusion on the material of the passage being under such a bias, she kept getting stuck. The page wasn’t making sense as it stated the pillars were all over Hyrule; but she knew them to be under the castle.

She read on about something pertaining to activation of the network, or that everything was connected, or... something. Her eyes were getting tired and she felt a brain melt coming on. If only she had more points of reference. She pined after the Slate. In its absence, all she had left was the library and she couldn’t risk going there without being watched. She started to lean back in her chair and zone out at her wall in abject defeat when she noticed a doodle. It was a less detailed, but accurate copy of the tapestry in Impa’s office.

Just as she began to think she wouldn’t glean anything from a picture she’d looked at a thousand times, she noticed the pillars framing the castle. There were also a few of the same at the bottom, and one in each quadrant... all around Hyrule. But the others wouldn’t be the pillars. They look like towers.

She sat up straight and began to re-read the translation. If she thought of them as towers, and there was some sort of connection between them- but where were they? She’d practically been all over the kingdom and had never seen such a structure. Perhaps buried, like the pillars!

With newly invigorated passion, she stood and stretched, then crossed the small circular room to the door. Opening it part way, she saw Link standing at ease and then turning to regard her.

“Sir Link? I believe I am in dire need of a hot chocolate in order to continue performing at the best of my abilities. Could you please send for one?”

He smiled knowingly and dipped his head in kind before leaving to find an attendant or a less strictly positioned guard to pass on the request.

“Oh, and please get one for yourself! If you want to,” she added.

He waved behind him to acknowledge he’d heard.

She closed the door and looked over at the materials on her desk and the drawing of the tapestry. She felt there was something potentially big here. If so, she wanted so badly to find a way to tell Impa or Purah herself. She thought of the devotions she had looming in a few hours time. They were now most of her days and she felt more like a helpless failure than ever before. She couldn’t bear the thought of never being able to share in discoveries again. She would wait until she could see them somehow. At least then she would have some joy.

[t0ngue-tech]

Binding Force

“Yuanfen is the fate, chance or binding force that brings this person and other people or objects together.”

↠angst, soulmateAU, based on this AU i found on pinterest (obvi i made some changes huhu)↞

word count: 12.6 k OH MY GOD

↠oneshot↞

A/N: hi everyone! ive been working on this for a while and i finally brought myself to finish it! enjoy ^-^

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“And then let’s end the last hour in your dorm! How does that sound?”

“Perfect babe. Just perfect.”

In a few hours, Park Jimin was going to celebrate his 21st birthday and not only could he finally purchase alcohol legally and go to bars, he was going to be entering the long-awaited Yuanfen.

Yuanfen was a special moment in time for someone who was turning 21 because it meant the entire universe was going to freeze for 24 hours except for the birthday celebrant and their soulmate. The entire world was their oyster and excited was an understatement for Jimin and his girlfriend, Momo.

Jimin and Momo had been dating since Jimin’s sophomore year of high school while Momo was a freshman. They were close with each other’s families, they got accepted into the same university, and after dating for so long, they believed that they were meant to be. A lot of their friends believed it as well and no one could ever imagine them dating other people.

But, of course, they didn’t want to celebrate Jimin’s 21st birthday without their friends.

The university had a bar-like-lounge off-campus two blocks away from the main building that students frequented to and they all chipped in to rent one of the sections off to celebrate Jimin’s birthday there. Thankfully, his birthday landed on a friday and no one of their friends had a class on Saturday which meant they could drink till their hearts’ content.

“Something tells me Jungkook did something headass like make decorations of all the derp selfies I ever took.” Jimin held the door open for Momo and placed a hand on her lower back.

“I think you’re over exaggerating.” Momo grabbed onto Jimin’s hand and guided him through a section of tables, chairs, and clusters of people.

In a few more feet, Jimin could see photos of his head scrunched down until his chin reached his chest taped onto the wall and he stopped in his tracks. “Babe.” He sighed in defeat.

“What? I think you look handsome.” Momo gave him a peck on his cheek and pulled him by the hem of his shirt, leading him to the back room where all of the decorations were.

Once they stepped out of the walkway, streamers and confetti popped from either side of him and their friends, who were wearing homemade masks of Jimin’s derp selfies, all shouted at the same time, “Happy birthday, Jimin!”

↠↞

“Jungkook, you think you’re funny, huh?” Jimin ripped off the mask of his friend and put him into a headlock.

“Ow—ow! Hey! We all decided on this—even Momo!” Jungkook tapped out, constantly swatting at the sleeve of Jimin’s leather jacket.

“But whose big idea was it?”

“It was me and Jungkook’s.” You emerged from the side and attempted to help Jungkook who was still struggling to escape Jimin’s clutches. “Happy birthday!”

Jimin laughed and tossed Jungkook aside to wrap his arms around you. Jungkook, on the other hand, argued about how he let you off the hook instead of gathering you into a headlock. But you two weren’t listening. 

“Where’s Taeyong?” Jimin asked.

“He’s buying another bottle of liquor just in case.” You emphasized the word ‘just’ as you fixed up his leather jacket. “I see you’re still enjoying my birthday present from last year.”

“Yes and thank you again. It goes well with a lot of my shirt.” Jimin show cased the white v-neck he wore underneath his leather jacket, striking poses as if there were paparazzi in the room.

“Y/n!” Momo jumped onto you, smothering you in a tight hug. “I fucking missed you! I haven’t seen you since midterms started.”

Momo was a dear friend of yours. You’ve known her since middle school and actually, you were the one who introduced her to your photography partner in yearbook back in freshman year. She profusely thanked you for introducing her to Jimin as the years went on and they were in a relationship. As a thank you, she introduced you to Lee Taeyong, a friend of hers from the dance team. This led to you and Taeyong dating since your sophomore year of high school.

The four of you were almost always together because Taeyong and Jimin became close friends through you and Momo. Your friendship only deepen because you all applied to the same university. There was complete trust between the four of you which meant that Momo didn’t mind if you hung out with Jimin and vise versa.

“After midterms, you and I need to go out and get a fucking drink together.” You gently spun her around, being cautious of her heels. “I hope you don’t mind if I steal her away from you for a bit, Jimin. She was mine first.”

Jimin smiled and gave you the ‘okay’. You walked towards a table, arm in arm with Momo, that carried all of the alcohol. It was going to be an amazing night, you could feel it in your bones.

/

Almost two hours had passed and within those two hours, Taeyong showed up with two more bottles of alcohol, Jungkook was already drunk and kissed Jimin on the cheek, twice, and Jimin was already five shots and multiple mixed drinks in.

Jimin was now sipping some water trying to sober up to be in the right mindset just in time for Yuanfen. He glanced around the room, satisfied that all of his friends were enjoying themselves.

Jungkook was trying to steal all of the snacks away from Seokjin, Taemin was pouring up another round of shots for Seulgi, Yoongi, and Namjoon, and You were sitting on Taeyong’s lap while Momo sat on yours. He was celebrating with a colorful group of friends that he wouldn’t for anything else in this world.

He found himself daydreaming about the full 24 hours he was going to have with Momo. The entire world around them was going to be put on pause and he was looking forward to wreak havoc on campus and certain parts of the entire dormitory with his soulmate.

“Baby.” Momo joined Jimin on the sofa and cuddled into his side, wrapping her arms around his torso. “Only five more minutes.”

Jimin kissed her forehead and squeezed her shoulder. “Why don’t we leave early, hm?” 

She tilted her head to place light kisses all over his neck. “I think you need to calm your hormones for five more minutes.”

He snickered at the feeling of Momo’s lips tickling his skin. “How can I calm down when you’re dressed so beautifully?”

It already seemed like the world stopped around them because no matter where they were, Jimin only had eyes for Momo. He didn’t mind the people around them. The only thing that mattered to him whenever he was spending time with his girlfriend was his girlfriend and his girlfriend only.

“You two only have a couple of minutes left, keep it PG, please?!” Seulgi faked her gag and shielded her eyes.

“Cut us some slack!” Momo yelled back with a smile over the loud music. 

Jimin looked at his phone and watched as 11:58 PM turned into 11:59 PM. There were still a lot of people who were enjoying their drinks in the lounge and all of his friends were constantly checking their phones and watches, shooting quick glances at him and Momo with suggestive smiles on their faces.

The last minute felt like an eternity and Jimin placed a hand on Momo’s knee. On an impulse, he cupped her cheek and gazed into her eyes. 

“I love you.” Jimin said breathlessly.

“I love you, Jimin.” Momo raised her chin, capturing his lips in between hers.

Once their lips touched and eyes fluttered closed, there was the sound of a wind chime ringing throughout Jimin’s head. Something inside of him rattled inside of his chest and that feeling only meant one thing: it was Yuanfen.

Jimin was almost too excited to open his eyes, but he knew he had to stop kissing Momo at some point. He extracted himself away from her face and slowly, he opened his eyes until snapping them wide open.

At first he thought this was apart of the entire process of entering Yuanfen; the birthday celebrant would enter first and after maybe after a few minutes, their soulmate would enter too. But two minutes passed and Momo had her lips protruding out and eyes were still closed.

“M-Momo?” Panic shot right through Jimin’s body and he instinctively reached out to grab her hand, but even after doing so, Momo remained still.

This wasn’t happening. 

Momo and Jimin ultimately believed with their whole heart that they were soulmates. They were supposed to be leaving the lounge right about now to raid the school’s cafeteria of their cookie dough ice cream sandwiches.

There had to be some sort of mistake.

“Tae-Taeyong?!”

Jimin didn’t realize that the music of the lounge was also put on pause until another voice bled out into the atmosphere; it wasn’t Momo’s.

Like his entire world was moving in slow motion, Jimin turned his direction to where the voice came from and found you roughly holding Taeyong’s face in your hands. He was stuck in a mid-laugh type of expression with you still balancing on his thigh.

“Taeyong, what—?”

“Y/n.” He called out and at the speed of light, you darted your attention towards and he noticed a panicked look in your eye.

↠↞

What in the actual fuck was happening?

You were sitting on the lap of Taeyong, your boyfriend, whom you loved with all of your heart. He was just telling you a hilarious story that happened in his economic class and next thing you knew, there was a delicate ringing sound inside your head. Every movement and sound was put on pause, everything but you.

You waited for Taeyong to finish his story and it finally clicked that he was frozen. Why was he frozen? Why were you able to move your limbs to clutch his face? It took you awhile, but you found your voice and called out Taeyong’s name. He still wasn’t answering. There had to be something incredibly wrong because the silence was deafening until the urgent sound sound of your name was being dispatched from across the room. To your shock, you were staring into the desperate eyes of Park Jimin.

“What time is it?” Jimin asked quietly.

“Um—“ You reached into your back pocket for your phone and with a barely audible tone you said, “12:06 AM.” 

“B-But Momo is—“ He frantically looked back and forth from you to Momo. “Is this really Yuanfen?”

You climbed off of Taeyong’s lap and took another look around the room. You even walked out into the bar area where the other booths and tables were. All of the patrons were stuck in time; some were even tilting their head back to down a shot.

“Everyone is fucking frozen, Jimin.” You walked back into the room and Jimin was pacing back and forth trying to get one of their friends’ attention.

“This doesn’t make sense.” Jimin sighed, roughly running a hand through his hair. “Yuanfen is for soulmates. Momo and I—We—“

You could tell Jimin was trying to find the right words to say without offending you. “I know, Jimin. I love Taeyong so much. He’s my boyfriend and he’s—“ You walked over to Taeyong who still didn’t budge. “We can’t really be… you know… right?”

How could you say it? It was one word, two syllables and saying it would only make you feel guilty.

Your chest was starting to feel tight and tears welled up in your eyes. There was a point in your relationship where you also gave the idea of being soulmates with Taeyong some deep thought. You two had a late night conversation about what you wanted to do when Taeyong turns 21. He wore a bright facial expression as you two talked and it was clear that he also believed that you were his soulmate. But now that whole idea was crumbling at your feet and the pieces were too small to pick up and put back together. 

Park Jimin was not your soulmate. He couldn’t be.

“This is fucking crazy. There has to be a loophole in this.” Jimin sat back down and whipped his phone out.

You carefully sat down next to him to peer down at his phone. He was googling something about Yuanfen and if it was possible to get soulmates mixed up.

It was always easy to sit beside Jimin. There was never a time where you felt uncomfortable around him except now. You kept enough space in between the two of you and looking at him started to hurt.

“Nothing.” Jimin tossed his phone to the side and buried his face in his hands. “There has been no cases about people having the wrong soulmate, Apparently the people who thought they had a different soulmate ended up marrying the one who they were with on Yuanfen—”

“Stop, Jimin. Please.” You stood up and rubbed your temples.

Hearing the word marriage made you squirm. Marrying Jimin? No offense, but you wouldn’t. He was like a brother-in-law because you treated Momo like a sister.

Oh, god. Momo. 

Momo was a sister to you and if she found out that you were Jimin’s soulmate and not her… 

“What are we supposed to do, Jimin?” You walked over to Momo and gently tugged at a strand of her hair.

Jimin blew out a breath and stuffed his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. “Let’s go outside for now. We need some air.”

He walked out first and you were hesitant in following him, not wanting to leave Taeyong, but he was right. Being in that room was suffocating you and you need to get away from it.

↠↞

The outside was no different than the lounge; students who were walking were stuck in one spot and cars were stopped. The only thing that wasn’t frozen was the cold air and brushed against Jimin’s face. He looked around and took a deep breath. Was it wrong to wish that he was dreaming? 

You were a great girl; excellent grades, passionate about the things you loved, and selfless. He was always inspired to continue his dream to become a doctor because even if being a lawyer was going to take years of education, you were determined to become one. Despite all of these things, Jimin was in love with Momo. He has been for years and it didn’t make sense to drop every single day he spent loving her just because the beholders of true love turned the hands of fate onto you.

“Why the fuck is it so cold? It was nothing like this this morning.” You emerged from the lounge, tugging at your sweater sleeves to cover your hands.

“Well, the sun is hiding.” Jimin watched his breath dissipate into thin air.

You chuckled and stood inches away from Jimin. “So… what did you two have planned besides the obvious.”

Jimin laughed because he knew what you meant by ‘the obvious’. “Uh, escaping onto the rooftops and lots of eating. Starting off with the cookie dough ice cream sandwiches from the cafeteria.” 

“It’s freezing and you two were gonna eat ice cream?”

It did sound absurd but there was a reason. “Yeah, it’s uh-it’s her favorite flavor so…” 

You nodded and kicked a stray rock onto the asphalt road.

“Do you want to go to the cafeteria? Hopefully there’s a stock on the orange creamsicles you like.” The offer Jimin made sort of came out on an impulse. He didn’t want to spend his birthday doing nothing and if you two avoided the whole being-each-other’s-soulmate a while longer, maybe doing things with you wouldn’t be so bad.

“Uh-yeah. Yeah, sure.” Jimin was a bit afraid you were going to reject the idea, but was relieved at your willingness to go.

↠↞

“At least it’s warm in here.” You wrapped up the fourth popsicle stick inside the napkin that contained the rest of the trash you two had.

The cafeteria was pretty much barren. There were only a few students who were having breakfast for dinner at different tables across the room. You were sitting across from each other on top of one of the empty tables. Thankfully there were still a lot of ice cream choices left inside of the freezer and you took advantage of the situation by taking handfuls of the orange creamsicles.

“You’re not hungry?” You questioned.

“Kind of. I thought the alcohol and all of those snacks you guys bought would’ve kept me full for a while.” Jimin leaned back on his hands and looked over to whatever the students were eating; cereal, french toast, and some were eating whatever what served during dinner.

“I could cook you something.” You tried to peer behind some of the counters to get a view of the kitchen. “Considering this ordeal, I can whip up something in the kitchen.”

“What is this? My birthday gift?” Jimin laughed it off because he knew you were way too busy to go out into the city to get him a birthday gift.

“It could be. If that’s what you really want.” You hopped off the table and trailed towards the kitchen.

Jimin let you walk off a couple of feet before silently following behind you. You’ve cooked for him a few times-mainly instant ramen or fried rice. Other times, you would bake cookies for Momo whenever you had time to go home during the weekends and she’d share with Jimin.

“I’ll take the food, but not as a gift.” He looked around the kitchen as you opened up cupboards, trying to find something decent to cook.

“How about pasta? Judging by some of the prepped ingredients, it seems like this was going to be tomorrow’s dinner.” You pulled out bowls of minced garlic and parsley. “Looks like shrimp linguine.”

Jimin gave you a thumbs up and propped himself on an empty counter space. There were student chefs still inside of the kitchen but they were mainly cleaning up pots and pans and taking back leftovers. The world was still silent besides the sounds of you opening the refrigerator and placing glass bowls on the counter, so he turned on some jazz music on a quiet volume to make the space feel cozier. You smiled at the familiar tune and turned on the stove to heat up water for pasta.

“I hope you don’t mind a simple white sauce. Alfredo would be best but I don’t know how to make that shit.” You confessed.

“You can make white sauce?” Jimin asked with a raised eyebrow.

You tossed a pinch of salt in his direction and smirked. “Watch me.”

↠↞

The early-early breakfast was honestly… lovely.

It’s been a while since you had a one on one meal with Jimin and you two shared a hefty conversation about how school was going for the both of you. The pasta you made turned out to be exquisite and he expressed how impressed he was about how well you were able to cook. You joked about making him garlic butter steak next time because it was your father’s favorite dish that you made for him, but you weren’t prepared for how quick Jimin agreed to try it.

Jimin complained about how much he wanted to perfect his cooking skills so he could stop spending a lot of money on pizza and burgers as a late night snack. Although you weren’t perfect yourself, you offered for him to shadow you if he ever also decided to visit his family on weekends. At some point, during dinner, some of the topics you two had touched up sounded a lot more friendlier than usual.

Casually inviting him over to your house to teach him how to cook the dishes you took pride in was already a red flag in treading rough waters. You’ve hung out with Jimin a lot especially with Momo, but the only time you two ever independently spent time together was in college; studying, sharing a snack during a one hour break in between classes. 

Jimin washed the dishes you two used as well as whatever pots and pans you used to cook everything; you didn’t take a lot of the ingredients so it would go unnoticed.

“Do you think the time of day changes during Lover’s Day?” You joined Jimin outside, still pulling your sleeves own past your fingers.

“I’m pretty sure. Why?” Jimin watched you shield yourself from the cold. “Ah. Here.” He stripped himself of the leather jacket and handed it to you.

“No, Jimin. I’m fine, I swear.” 

“At least wear it for now, we can head to my dorm to get you another jacket since it’s closer than yours.”

You stared at his jacket and gave it some thought.

Maybe up to his dorm won’t be too bad.

Well—

Okay, maybe it was bad.

Jimin’s roommate wasn’t in the dorm because he left early to go home for the weekend. You unzipped your combat boots and hopped on top of Jimin’s bed.

His dorm was neater than you remember. Even during the chaotic week of midterms, his desk was more put together than yours and your roommate put together. Despite random t-shirts and sweaters that were hanging over his bed frame, Jimin’s side of the room seemed so Jimin.

“Take your pick.” Jimin held his hand out to the portion of jackets and sweaters of his closet space. 

“Hmm…” You stared at the section a little until a familiar navy blue and yellow cuffed varsity jacket caught your attention. “Oh my god, that’s our high school’s varsity!” With a beaming smile, you jumped off his bed and walked over to caress the fabric in between your fingers.

“Yeah, four years at that hellhole and I still can’t bring myself to toss it out.” Jimin retrieved the jacket from its hanger and handed it over for you to wear.

You chuckled and proceeded to remove his leather jacket to wear the other one. “Four years and I still question myself why I never bought one.”

Jimin’s mouth gaped. “What?! You’re serious? Whose jacket were you wearing during high school?”

“Uh, Tae...yong…” His name fell from your lips like stones. What a perfect time for you to mention his name.

“Oh.” Jimin said flatly. “Yeah, of course.”

This wasn’t good.

You needed to say something, anything, because you didn’t want to have a conversation about love and soulmates at that moment.

“I—uh, I had to repurchase a varsity three times.” Thankfully, Jimin quickly continued the conversation towards a different route.

“You spent a total of 75 dollars for the same jacket on three separate occasions?!” You asked in disbelief.

“Yeah,” Jimin chuckled and walked towards his bed with you following behind him. “During spring fest during my freshman and sophomore year, I spilled paint when I was helping out with the banners. And the third time was during a food fight the seniors were having when I was a junior and I got nailed with all sorts of food.”

Jimin continued his story with more details. Within the conversation, you made yourself comfortable, lying down on his bed while he sat cross legged at near your feet. While talking, you noticed that he played with the stray thread of your socks that stuck out by your ankles.

“I like your socks.” He commented.

“Thanks.” You stared at your yellow Winnie the Pooh socks. “There’s a store near the bistro that sells super cute stationery, hair accessories, and even socks.” You stuck one foot in the air and wiggled your toes inside the cloth.

Jimin took hold of your ankle and rested it on his knee and examined the chibi characters of Pooh and his friends. You held your breath and continually told yourself to fucking cool it. This wasn’t out of the ordinary. The only thing missing was Momo’s ankle resting on his other knee and Taeyong’s lap for your head to be resting on.

How were you supposed to adjust to this? What were the two of you going to tell Taeyong and Momo? You could already imagine the pained expression of your best friend and the absolute devastation of your boyfriend.

This was all a dream. You kept telling yourself this. It was a dream. 

↠↞

Five minutes passed and Jimin could feel a slight numbing pain in his right shoulder. He wriggled around and slowly opened his eyes, unaware of his surroundings. The last thing he remembered was slumping over a couple of inches away from your body while you dozed off. He could hear the faint sound of you breathing and it finally occurred to him exactly where he was.

Jimin had a clear view of a navy blue fabric and his arm. He realized that the navy blue fabric came from the jacket he let you borrow and that his arm slung over it.

In basic terms, he was cuddling you at your stomach area.

In a state of panic, Jimin gasped and reeled his arm back which prompted him to roll onto his back. But, he forgot that he was near the edge of his bed and rolling onto his back resulted in him landing flat onto the floor. The loud impact of his body and the floor caused you to flinch awake.

“Oh my god.” You rasped and sat up. “Oh my god!”

Jimin clawed at his sheet to get himself back on his feet and you scrambled up to assist him. “What happened?!”

“Well, I was just lying there and uh, I had that free falling dream. Right when I hit the ground in my dream, bam! My actual body exploded and I actually ended up on the ground here.” Jimin stammered and rubbed the back of his head.

You gave him a questionable stare before reaching out to check for any bumps on his head. “Jimin, you have a bump. Do you have any frozen items in your mini fridge?”

“No, sorry.” He winced touching the bump on the upper right part of his forehead. “But, the main fridge on this floor should have something.”

“Say no more. Let’s hurry to stop the swelling.” Instead of grabbing his leather jacket for Jimin to wear, you snatched a stray maroon sweater that hung off his bed.

Jimin lazily slid his shoes back on and was hastily tugged out of his room with your hand wrapped around his own.

“What time is it?” Jimin held a frozen hot pocket against the bump and blew on his cup of tea.

In the main gathering room of his floor of the dormitory, there was a living room with a large tv where most of the students gathered to play video games or watch netflix and a decent sized kitchen.

Students would normally label any food or drinks that belonged to them and sometimes there would be snacks that were labeled “for all” which was obviously for anybody who wanted it. There were boxes of instant coffee, hot chocolate, and teas that were meant for everybody and you brewed a cup of tea for each of you. 

“It’s about,” you took a moment to check your phone. “9 am.” 

Jimin choked on his tea. 9 am?! He swore only five minutes passed from when he woke up.

“Shit. I guess I didn’t realize how tired I was.” Jimin said, calming down from his fit of coughs.

“You and me both. It still feels like my feet are about to fall off from standing up majority of the night.” You strolled over to the couch where Jimin sat with your cup of tea in hand. Jimin noticed you were wearing a pair of his slides instead of your combat boots; probably from when you were rushing to leave his room.

“I bet.” Jimin chuckled. “How long did it take you guys to set up everything at the lounge?”

Jimin listened intently as you told stories about how there were many close calls where you and Jungkook almost ripped each other’s heads off. This was mainly because of the miscommunication on who had kept the derp pictures of Jimin and who held onto the money for alcohol and snacks.

Another hour had passed and Jimin spent laughing almost to the brink of tears with you. Everything felt natural, almost too natural. For a split second, Jimin forgot what Yuanfen was all about.

“Are you sure the bump is gone?”

Before he knew it, you two cleaned up and abandoned Jimin’s dorm to take a walk around campus.

The students from last night were still in the same position. The only things that changed were the weather and the time of day. You were a bit ignorant about Yuanfen, so Jimin took the time to explain some basics about the hidden holiday.

Yuanfen was a whole different world only to be seen through the eyes of the soulmates, so once the day is over, everything goes back to normal. 

Once everything goes back to normal, the day restarts and the memories of other bystanders remain what they were prior to being frozen in time.

As for the soulmates, Jimin chose to omit that information.

“Yes, I’m sure! Let me just check again just to make sure.” You stepped in front of Jimin and gently felt around his forehead and then traced your fingers through his hair to feel around for any bumps you may have missed.

He wasn’t sure when he started, but Jimin found himself staring into your eyes. How was this even possible? How were you his soulmate and not Momo, his high school sweetheart? But maybe, even just for a couple of hours, he could possibly see what it’s like if you were his—

“You’re good to go, Jimin.” You poked the center of his head, capturing his attention.

“Oh, yeah, great. Thanks.” He smiled shyly.

↠↞

There was nothing like a crisp fall morning; cool breeze, crunchy burnt orange leaves, and warm drinks. Your walk around the campus turned into a complete turn around towards your dormitory to get a cup of coffee—you both were obviously in an area with coffee however, the idea of walking all the way back to Jimin’s dorm felt like a hassle.

“Sorry about the mess. Dahyun and I have been way too busy to clean.” You rushed from your door to tidy up as much as you could.

“Hey, it’s no problem. It’s fine. You saw my place.” Jimin lightly placed his hands on your shoulders to gently pulled you back.

You patted the back of his hands and walked over to a side table that carried a microwave, a keurig, and a rack for k-pods.

“There’s vanilla creamer in the mini fridge underneath my bed and feel free to grab a snack.” You handed Jimin his cup of medium roast. “We also have some ramen bowls underneath Dahyun’s bed. She won’t mind, trust me.”

The last meal you two shared was the pasta you made last night and now it was the next morning and you two were going to have another meal with another form of noodles.

Normal. Things were still feeling normal, nothing awkward. You were having an innocent breakfast with your best friend’s boyfriend when in fact, he’s actually your soulmate. Yeah. Perfectly normal.

You glanced up and soaked in the image of Jimin harmlessly mixing around his ramen.

Was Jimin cute? Of course. Was he smart? Yes. Funny? Also yes. Was he perfect boyfriend material? Yes—but maybe, maybe not for you.

How could you possibly get used to this? You couldn’t shake the thought of Momo being incredibly heart broken. And of course, how in the world were you going to tell Taeyong?! You loved him. What were things going to be like if you told him about this?

“So…” you started off softly. “What are we going to do?”

“About our plans for today?” Jimin asked innocently.

You laughed and sucked in a quiet breath. “Yeah. Yeah, what should we do?”

Jimin took a sip of his coffee and looked up to your ceiling in search of an answer.

“Oh!” He clapped his hands, scaring you a little. “Let’s go to the frat house and raid their kitchen!”

“Ooh, let’s do it! You know, I heard that they have a whole ass stash of ramen bowls and coffee.” You mentioned.

Jimin widened his eyes as he lifted his chopsticks into his mouth. “I wonder what else they got?”

As Jimin spewed out a few snack items that he was hoping the frat house would have, you felt yourself zoning out. 

Jimin really is cute.

It was such a horrible thing for you to think of at this moment, but you always knew how cute he was but was he always this cute?

God, this was stupid. You were only having these thoughts because of stupid Yuanfen. This hidden holiday was messing up the wires in your head making you see Jimin in a whole new different light. This was probably a sign to try and see where things could go with him. It was a scary thought, but you did wonder.

“Y/n?”

“Huh? What?” You blinked out of your daze.

“What else do you think they have stashed there?”

Quick. Think fast. Pretend you were paying attention.

“Uh—uh, c-condoms?”

Great. Out of all things, y/n.

Jimin stared blankly at you with his mouth slightly open.

“Y-Yeah. Condoms. Those are, uh, those could possibly exist there.”

The air around you began to feel stale. Seriously, out of all the things you could’ve said—you just had to say condoms!

“So,” you coughed. “I also heard from Wonho that Hani and Suho have the Scholar’s Edition to the Pre-Med and Pre-Law class textbooks!”

Jimin’s eyes lit up and nearly choked on his coffee. “Those things almost cost as much as two classes!”

You gave him a big smile thinking about how it would be you two to get excited over textbooks.

“Exactly! So, while we’re at the frat house…”

“Y/n, isn’t that stealing?”

You paused for a brief second. “N-no. We’re just borrowing them. We’ll photocopy the pages and then we’ll just return them tonight.”

Jimin nodded his head in agreement and took the empty ramen bowls. “Sounds perfect.”

Noon came around in the blink of an eye and you two were trotting down campus towards the frat house. You’ve been to the house a few times, only to attend parties with Taeyong. 

The frat house was honestly incredible. A large kitchen, arcade games, and a basketball court right out back. A lot of money was spent to make the house what it was and it was quite obvious.

There was a party last night and there were still people hanging around the stairs and on the main floor, not to mention people sitting on other people’s laps. You both weaved around the sea of students in search of Suho and Hani’s room. Jimin reminded you to slowly open the doors just in case you were to walk in a freeze frame of two people having sex; if only he told you that prior to entering the house.

“God, I just saw someone’s bare ass.” You closed one of the doors behind you and slid your back down the door.

“That bad?” Jimin asked.

“Not only did I see ass, I saw legs thrown over shoulders.” You shuddered and covered your face with your hands.

Jimin chucked and pulled you back up onto your feet. “Come on, shaky. You’ll survive.” He squished your cheeks together before giving you a little nudge to keep moving forward.

After carefully snooping around for fifteen minutes, the textbooks were found and now it was time to raid the kitchen. You were surprised at how neat the kitchen was considering how much people lived in the house. On top of the cabinets, packages of ramen bowls and other microwavable food were stacked neatly. You climbed on top of the counter to grab a decent amount to refill both you and Jimin’s dorm rooms. Honestly, you were kind of scared because you were pretty much stealing. You’ll be fine right?

“Oh hell yes, they have honey butter chips!” 

You looked down and spotted Jimin rummaging through a cupboard. He pulled out four bags and smiled brightly.

“Did you get the goods?” Jimin grabbed a random reusable bag to stuff the snacks inside.

Still standing on the counter, you gently tossed the ramen and other foods towards Jimin who needed one more reusable bag. Jimin stood by the counter and stuck his hand out to help you get down.

Why were you so nervous?

Y/n, relax. He’s just trying to fucking help you.

You reached out to hold onto his hand. You crouched down to carefully place your feet one by one on the floor, but even with being careful, you still managed to misplace your foot.

“Whoa, I got you.” Jimin grabbed your waist and pulled you flush to his body.

Your face was way too close to his own and you made the terrible decision to lock eyes with Jimin. His eyes twinkled in the natural sunlight beaming through the window. A foreign look was glazed over his eyes and your breath was caught in your throat. 

“I—Thanks, Jimin.” You pushed yourself away from him. He still had a hold on your hand and as you walked towards the bags of snacks, his fingers slipped gently out of your grasp.

What the fuck is happening?!

There was a hundred percent chance that you were blushing, so you examined the packaged goods to calm yourself for a few seconds.

“Shall we go to the library to photocopy the book?” Jimin spoke.

“Yeah, let’s.” You turned and found Jimin’s back facing you. He seemed to be interested in the colorful refrigerator magnets. “Jimin?”

↠↞

What am I doing? Why did I do that? Fuck.

Jimin stared at an empty spot on the white refrigerator door and covered the lower half of his face with his hand.

This has to be cheating right? Momo’s my girlfriend but in the end, y/n is my—

“Jimin?”

“Sorry, yeah. Let’s go.” Jimin squeezed his eyes shut for a second and turned back to you to hold the bags.

After the ordeal, there was an awkward tension between the two of you and this was the last thing Jimin needed. It was only the afternoon and he still had the rest of the day to spend with you. If he was a horrible person, he would’ve suggested to spend time individually but he was a good person. He didn’t have the heart to leave you on your own.

The library was pretty much empty of students, only the still bodies of the staff were present. The copy machine was located on the fourth floor and it was a ghost town. Not one single person was on the floor. How much more awkward could it get?

“I think I’m going to the first six chapters because this medical book has about,” Jimin stared at the table of contents. “Eleven chapters.”

“Ugh. This stupid book has twenty chapters. Do I really want to become a lawyer? The chapters are way too long.” You sunk down onto the floor.

Jimin chuckled and booted up the machine. “Tell me about it. This pre-med book is pretty small but it costs so much.”

The awkward tension was slowly melting as the two of you complained and told horror stories about each of your majors. Jimin ranted on about how he almost changed his major, but the idea of taking more classes to fulfill another major’s prerequisites.

“I know! I almost changed mine too!” Jimin listened to you and the sound of you angrily flipping through the pages of the pre-law book. “But I thought about how angry my mom was going to be so I chickened ou-ow! Jesus!”

Jimin whipped his head around and you were examining your index finger. He retreated to your side and once again, held your hand in his own.

“Paper cut?” He chuckled.

“Y-Yeah.” You muttered. “Books are evil—I’m going to sue this book.”

Jimin laughed loudly and carefully pulled you up from the floor. “Alright, you sue the book and let Dr. Park fix up your finger.”

It wasn’t his intention, really it wasn’t, but Jimin walked down the stairs with you with your hand still in his. But what made his heart beat a bit faster was the fact you didn’t let go, you held on tighter.

“Let’s see. There has to be a first aid kit here somewhere—excuse me.” Jimin jokingly spoke to the still body of a library staff member sitting behind the main desk. He quickly found the transparent box labeled first aid.

“Alright, they don’t have any hydrogen peroxide, so I’m going to have to use an alcohol swab.” Jimin rummaged through the box and pulled out an alcohol swab, a tissue, and a bandaid.

“O-Or we can just leave it as is. It’s just a papercut, it’ll heal in a jiffy!” Your tone of voice was a bit squeaky and you took a step back.

“Aw, is y/n afraid of the alcohol swab?” Jimin cooed. “Your paper cut started bleeding so we have to kill the germs. Just relax. You’ll be fine in Dr.Park’s care.”

Jimin guided you to an empty rolling chair and knelt down beside you. With the utmost care, Jimin cradled your finger and dabbed the paper cut with the swab. Instantly, your hand tensed up but you stayed silent so he looked up to find your eyes screwed shut and bottom lip tucked between your teeth. He wanted to smile at the adorable sight of you being afraid but he switched his focus back on your cut, forcing his blush to dissipate.

Get your shit together, Jimin.

“Alright, Ms. Y/n. We’re all done here however, you don’t have insurance with me so the total price of this is another cup of coffee.” Jimin folded down the yellow polka dotted bandage around your finger and you scoffed at his witty remark.

“Alright, that seems fair. We can head back to my dorm after we finish up here.”

Before heading to your dorm, you made sure to take a detour to the frat house to return the books in its rightful spot; Being able to copy pages from the book for free was one of the things Jimin was thankful for.

By the time four o’clock rolled around, Jimin had four ramen bowls and two cups of coffee sitting in his stomach. He slouched in his seat trying to not regret eating so much. You were rummaging around your mini fridge looking for something sweet to balance out the spicy-savory taste.

Instead of pulling out some sort of dessert, you offered Jimin a shot or two of whiskey that you found hiding in the small freezer section of your fridge. Jimin was probably going to at least regret this, but he agreed.

After grabbing two bottles of coke from the vending machine in the hallway, one or two shots turned into killing half of the bottle. Jimin poured another round of shots into the coffee mugs and flickered his gaze to you.

Your cheeks were visibly red and your face was glowing. Your eyes were halfway closed and mumbled something incoherent.

“Maybe we should stop here, y/n.” Jimin laughed.

“No, no, no, no. I’m fine. I’m sober, I swear.” You slurred.

“I beg to differ. You should lie down.” Jimin left his seat feeling a bit dizzy, but still did his best to take care of you first.

“One more shot, just one more.” You reached to grab your mug but Jimin intercepted.

“No, y/n, come on. Just sleep for a few hours.”

You reached for the hand that took your mug away and brought it up to your cheek. “Just one more. Please, Jimin? One more and I’ll go to bed.”

Maybe it was the alcohol, but Jimin started to feel warm. “F-Fine. Just one and then straight to bed.”

You happily rubbed your cheek against his hand and tanked the shot followed by the chaser. Even in your drunken state, you obliged to Jimin’s condition and wobbled over to your bed. You took the open ended side of your bed and laid flat on your stomach.

“Y/n, don’t sleep on your stomach.” Jimin shook you, but you let out a soft whine instead.

Jimin swallowed hard, trying to get a clear grasp of his vision since he was also drunk, but definitely not like you. He carefully rolled you over onto your back and then placed one arm beneath your neck and the other underneath your knees to scoot your back towards the end of the bed. Just in case you needed to throw up, he grabbed your trash can and placed it near your head side.

“Good gracious.” Jimin breathed. He took one of the chairs and stationed it near you so he could keep an eye on you for a while. He closed his eyes for a few seconds in search of relaxation but he heard you talking. “Hm?”

“Yuan…” you sighed.

Jimin scooted his chair closer to hear you better.

“Yuanfen…” you finally said while opening your eyes. “That’s chinese. Chinese for binding...force?”

“Yeah. Something like that…” Jimin chuckled and brushed a few hairs out of your eyes.

You laughed and stared blankly into Jimin’s eyes. “Ohhhhhhh, that’s why it’s the perfect name for this holiday-thingy. A force to bind soulmates.” You whispered. “Hey, Jimnim…”

Jimin snorted at the butchered version of his name. “Yes, y/n.”

“We’re soulmates.” A soft chuckle pushed past your lips. “Soul. Mates. Me. You.”

The mention of being soulmates almost sobered Jimin up in an instant. You were drunk out of your mind, blabbering about anything so he tried to not take anything seriously.

But you know what they say about drunken words…

“Mhm. Soulmates.” Jimin sadly repeated.

“I’m sorry, Jimnim. I know I’m not your type to be a soulmate.” You brought your hand up to cradle Jimin’s face, tracing his cheek. “But I’ll do my best okay? I have to make Jiminim happy.” 

It almost felt like he couldn’t breathe. He had to keep telling himself that you were drunk. You were a drunk girl who had no idea what she was saying.

But honestly, your words cut him deep. Of course Jimin was disappointed about Momo, his girlfriend, not being his soulmate. He had thought about this day a million times over and he never would have imagined you in Momo’s place.

Jimin touched your hand that held his face and breathed in deeply. Your eyes were already seconds away from closing and Jimin smiled.

“I’ll do my best too.”

↠↞

You didn’t dare open your eyes. You were pretty much awake at this point, but even with your eyes closed, you felt the entire world spinning.

“Ugh, fuck me.” You finally gave in and cracked an eye open. It took you a few seconds to find the willpower to open your last eye and when you did, a wave of regret washed over you. “I drank last night, now this afternoon… I don’t ever want to drink again.”

Okay, that’s a lie.

After registering your surroundings, you cautiously tilted your head and found the fluff of Jimin’s black hair. He was sitting in a chair, hunched over at your side with his face stuffed in his arms and your hand was lost somewhere between his limbs.

The memories of you and Jimin sharing the whiskey you found came through in blurry pieces. You remembered venting to Jimin about how you wished you had ice cream in your fridge and then face planting onto your pillow; that’s all you could remember at the moment.

“Jimin… Jimin.” You rasped.

“Mmm, five more minutes.” Jimin grunted and shifted around in his seat without lifting his head.

“Jimin, get up, please. I have to use the bathroom.”

You waited and watched and Jimin’s shoulders rise and fall. He then sat up to rub his eyes and your hand was finally free.

“Can you walk?” Jimin questioned, already maneuvering around to help you sit up.

“Ugh.” Your stomach was not happy. “Yeah. Slowly though. The stupid bathroom is down the hall.”

Jimin helped you swing your legs down and you noticed him wince, probably also feeling sick from drinking.

“I got it, Jimin.”

“It’s alright. I have to make sure you make it safe.” Jimin brought you to your feet and supported your weight by throwing your arm over his shoulders. He put his arm around your waist, just like how he did at the frat house, and guided you to take small steps out of your room.

Your stomach was fluttering.

It’s the alcohol. It’s the fucking alcohol.

The whole time to the bathroom, using the bathroom, and then walking back, you were piecing together the puzzle pieces of the hazy interactions you made while wasted. The whiny conversation about how you wanted to drink one more shot became clear and you sort of remembered your failed attempts at saying Jimin’s name.

“I wonder where can we get some soup that’s not ramen soup base.” Jimin said.

You gave it some thought and then you remembered seeing instant miso soup packets at the frat house. As soon as you mentioned it, Jimin grabbed his varsity jacket to put on for you and then led you out of your dorm.

Walking outside seemed to be a bit difficult for you because you were still feeling dizzy after drinking a little more than what you originally planned. Jimin, on the other hand, looked a lot less miserable than what he did when you woke up from your nap. He did have a higher alcohol tolerance than you, but you still found it unfair that you were suffering alone.

“I hate drinking.” You complained.

Jimin snickered. “How are you feeling?”

“Like death.” You sighed. “I’m walking straight, right? It doesn’t feel like I’m even using my own legs to walk.”

Again, Jimin laughed and your stomach started to turn.

“You’re walking fine, but just for added security—”

The sudden touch of Jimin’s hand on your arm made you jump. He made you snake your arm around his to walk arm in arm to the frat house.

The alcohol in your stomach was really fucking with you and you desperately wanted to let go, but you enjoyed the warmth.

“The sunset is really pretty.” Jimin whispered and you couldn’t help but look at the profile of his face.

You could tell he was smiling by the way his cheek bone poked upward and all you could imagine was the way his eyes almost disappeared every time he smiled.

It was the warmth. You were enjoying the warmth.

The miso soup tasted like everything you’ve been missing in your life. The warmth of the soup sat happily inside of you instantly taking away the queasy feeling in your stomach.

Jimin finished his meal quickly and watched you eat with a small smile plastered on his face. He offered to make you more but you declined.

You were now watching his back as he washed the dishes. His body frame was completely different than Taeyong’s. 

Taeyong was taller than Jimin, but you were still much shorter than the latter. Jimin went to gym whenever he had free time, giving him a little more muscle mass than your boyfriend. You didn’t mean to compare, but your mind continued to wander. You thought about Jimin’s hands and how they gently cradled yours; they were soft yet sturdy, making you feel weirdly comfortable when you held his hands.

Your thoughts broke once Jimin turned on his heel. The queasy feeling in your stomach returned when he looked at you.

“Feeling better?” Jimin strode towards you and your heart began to beat faster.

“Y-Yeah. I’m fine.”

What’s happening to me?

“So, what else is there to do?” He asked.

You gave it some thought.

“Have you been to the roof of the library?”

↠↞

Jimin stared in amazement looking over the campus. The purple-orange sky had begun to darken a bit with flecks of stars appearing on the canvas. He soaked up the evening air and looked off into the distance, realizing that the day was almost finished.

“Have a seat.” You lugged two wooden crates near the edge.

“This spot is unbelievable.” Jimin breathed. “Why didn’t you mention this place before?”

“I don’t know, I actually I don’t come here often. A friend of mine dragged me up here so she could paint the sunset.” You explained and Jimin nodded.

The world was so peaceful and quiet making Jimin’s thoughts roar even louder. If he didn’t talk about this situation with you, it would only get worse once time starts again.

He turned to you and felt his chest tighten at the sight of your hair messily falling in front of your face when the wind blew. With a thundering heart, he lifted his hands to carefully push your hair out of the way, making you look at him.

“I-I think we need to talk about us.” He finally said.

You let out a sigh and chewed on your bottom lip. “Y-You’re right.” 

The thought of Taeyong and Momo being completely heartbroken over the news ripped Jimin’s heart into two. “What are we supposed to do…? Momo and I had a future planned and now…” He dropped his head into his hands knowing that everything that he and Momo dreamed of was now nothing but a hopeless wish. 

“Jimin... “ You placed a hand on his shoulder. “If I could change things, I fucking would in a heart beat. I’m sorry that in the end… it’s me.”

He felt like a fucking jerk. Yes, he loved Momo. Yes, he had all these plans to marry her. But he didn’t need to smother it in your face to make it sound like you were a horrible candidate because after all, he was your soulmate too.

“No, don’t apologize. It’s no one’s fault.” Jimin explained. “You know y/n, truth be told, I really enjoyed today.”

He was now smiling thinking back to how simple the day was: eating, sleeping, gallivanting around the frat house, drinking again, sleeping some more, and now the day was ending with a breathtaking view. Studying with you in between classes was great, but it was nothing like this. It all seemed so different. Maybe because it was Yuanfen and the effects of the holiday was gnawing at his emotions or maybe it was because he held your hand for the first time, giving him new waves of emotions he never thought he’d feel before. Even if he was feeling guilty deep down, he was being honest. Jimin truly enjoyed the day with you. 

“I don’t--I don’t know, maybe we don’t have to tell them?” You suggested. “We could just let everything happen on its own.”

Jimin tented his eyebrows a bit. “Could you really go back to normal after all of this?” His words came out as a whisper. “I don’t know if I could.”

“But we have to, don’t we? I don’t even know where to begin telling Taeyong about all of this.” Now it was your turn to bury your face in your hands. “My friendship with Momo is probably going to be ruined after this. I don’t know how to look in the eyes of my best friend and tell her that her boyfriend is my soulmate.”

The sudden urge to hug you bubbled inside of Jimin. He fought it, pushed it down inside of him, but it clawed its way back up. He stood up and took your hand, just like how he had done throughout the entire day, and enveloped you into his arms. His arms settled around your waist and he pressed his nose in the crook of your neck. It seemed like you hesitated at first, clutching the sleeves of his jacket, but your snaked your arms around his neck to return the hug.

“I know that everything is just so messed up right now and we’re just forced to deal with this reality. I know that I may not be your type of a soul mate…” Jimin sadly remembered how you drunkenly spoke to him before knocking out. “But I’ll do my best, okay? I have to make you happy.”

You abruptly reeled yourself back, hands resting on his shoulders, and gasped. “Did I--Did I say that to you? That sounds familiar that’s why.”

Jimin nodded his head. “You said it when you were drunk, but listen, I also would change things if I could. But I need you to know that whatever happens, I’m going to learn how to lo--” Jimin swallowed hard. “I’m going to learn how to love you. As a man, I’m going to do my best for you. You’re my soulmate, y/n. It may not be what we want, but we can’t escape this. I promise to make you happy.”

↠↞

The feeling that flowed inside of you was a mixture of shock, confusion, and happiness? You weren’t sure where that last emotion came from. Hearing everything that spewed out of Jimin’s house was painful but so beautiful to hear. 

“What—” you whispered. “What brought this on?”

Jimin readjusted his hold on you, but still kept his hands on your waist. “I—I don’t know. I think it came from spending the day with you. It was different. We don’t usually spend time like this together.” 

It was true, not to mention, holding hands with Jimin while hanging out together was far from normal. You had to admit, you also enjoyed spending time with him. He cared for you the entire time and always agreed with your plans even though it was his birthday. There were times where your heart was about to burst out of your chest and deep down you knew why, but how could you admit it?

“I also enjoyed today. Thank you for taking care of me, Jimin.” You looked into his eyes and noticed how they sparkled even without direct light.

“Anytime.” The smile Jimin gave you was so gentle. He could probably feel your hands shake on his shoulders from being nervous.

Was it selfish to want to savour this moment for a little longer? 

After Yuanfen ends, how could things return back to normal? You needed to figure out a way to tell Taeyong. Would he still want to be with you and just fall out of love? The thought of that crushed you. You loved Taeyong so much, but he wasn’t your soulmate.

Jimin was.

Just like Jimin, you were going to learn how to love him. You were going to study his love language, learn what side of the bed he prefers to sleep on, and get to know his family. Somewhere deep inside of you scratched at your heart, begging you to realize that doing all of this was more of a want than an obligation.

You wanted to know more about Jimin on an intimate level. You wanted to plan a future with him. But the only hurdle in the way was the pain of having to tell Taeyong what happened.

“Y/n.”

You were so deep in thought, you didn’t realize you were still clinging onto Jimin who was also still holding you.

“Shit, sorry. I—”

“I know what I want as a birthday gift.” Jimin’s cheeks were flushed pink and his eyes shook as he stared into yours. He cleared his throat. “As a gift… can I kiss you?”

Were your ears deceiving you? Did Jimin just ask to kiss you? Sure you and Jimin were tossed into some fantasy world, but in this moment, were you dreaming?

“Wha-what?”

“I know. It’s a stupid request, but I was just thinking about how it would be to you know, kiss you.” The grip he had on your waist began to loosen, probably from wavering confidence. “If you don’t want to then—”

“N-No.” You held onto his shoulders a little tighter. “It’s alright. You can kiss me.”

Jimin raised his eyebrows. He was probably expecting you to refuse and you were honestly considering it, but you also thought about it at some point. 

What would it be like to kiss Park Jimin?

A broken sputter of words spewed past his lips. “U-Uh—um, okay. Okay.” His hands left your waist to rest against the small of your back, pulling you closer to him.

The action subconsciously made you raise your hands to gently cup his cheeks. Your heart was pounding and your breathing was audibly jagged.

Jimin lowered his head, leaving a couple of inches of space between his lips and yours. You stared at the thickness of his lips and the desire to kiss him grew.

Just before he moved in closer, you met his eyes once more.

“Happy birthday, Jimin.”

Initially, the kiss was quick—a peck on the lips that lasted about a second of two. But Jimin didn’t stop there. He tilted his head to capture your lips again to give you a gentle kiss, shyly moving against yours. You didn’t fight it—you didn’t even hesitate to replicate his movements and laced your hands into his hair.

Jimin’s lips were soft and he continuously kept pulling you closer to him, but you didn’t mind it. You were immediately intoxicated and addicted to the taste of his lips. 

This was a crime. You were both in relationships and here you were, kissing the boyfriend of your best friend. You had to stop...but…

I don’t want to.

↠↞

Instead of spending more time on the rooftop, Jimin suggested to retreat into the library to escape the freezing air. The library was a lot warmer than outside, but Jimin craved more warmth.

There were couches in the study area in the library, so without saying another word, he laid on the couch and pulled you in to have you flush against his chest. Was it his heartbeat that increased? Or was it yours?

Jimin took the liberty to set an alarm on his phone for 11:30 just in case you two fell asleep, which you both did. You probably drifted to sleep first because he caressed your back and you didn’t flinch one bit.

Bliss. Content. Peace. Guilt.

For once he thought, did today have to end?

The sky was now stained black with specks of stars fluttering around. The air was colder with a light breeze and the street lights were on, lighting the path of the sidewalk to the lounge. 

Jimin stared at the tips of his shoes as he walked whilst have his fingers laced in between yours. He still hadn’t figured out what exactly he was going to tell Momo. This whole situation was going to ruin four relationships: his and Momo’s relationship, you and Taeyong’s, his friendship with Taeyong, and your longtime friendship with Momo. It’s not like he was going to instantly make you his girlfriend after the whole matter was settled, it would be too soon; you probably thought the same.

“Jimin, we’re here.” You spoke, not even hiding the sadness in your voice.

“I don’t…” Jimin whispered. “I can’t go in.”

Your hand was trembling in his and he thought it was because you were cold, but he noticed you wiping your eyes with your free hand.

“Hey…” He breathed, turning you to face him.

“I-I’m sorry.” You sniffled.

Jimin’s heart ached. He shared the same pain; he had to tell Momo about this, but he didn’t know how.

He ran a hand through your hair to take a good look at your face; your eyes were glossy and the tip of your nose was tinged pink. It was too soon to think you looked absolutely adorable, but he couldn’t help it.

“It’s okay.” Jimin mumbled. He cradled your face and leaned forward to kiss the tip of your nose then placed a kiss on your lips. It was a subconscious action that shocked Jimin as much as it did you. It was his turn to apologize and even with the sad look in your eyes, you smiled and repeated his words “it’s okay.”

Jimin gestured you to walk in first and he followed shortly. Everything in the lounge remained the same, obviously. The main area of the lounge was flooded with college students and as he walked further towards the back, his party decorations came into view and the first person he saw was Momo.

She was sitting perfectly still, eyes closed with her lips poked out just as he left her. He sat beside her and stroked her cheek. Tears welled up in his eyes and just before a tear could spill out, the sound of a choked back sob filled the air.

Jimin turned to find you sitting on Taeyong’s lap; he was stuck in mid-laugh, looking as happy as ever. Your face was buried in the crook of his neck with your arms were wrapped around him.

It hurt watching you—everything hurt. In a couple of minutes, Yuanfen was going to end and reality was going to begin. He turned to Momo and his heart sank to his stomach. He never imagined being in this position. Would it still be possible to work through this? Could he and Momo still be a couple?

In one minute, Jimin was going to have an answer.

There was a soft wind-chime-like sound that played in his head, just like the one he heard when Yuanfen started. His chest rattled and slowly, the music of the room grew louder and laughter began to spread into the air. In his peripherals, people started to move around but all Jimin could do was stare into his lap.

“Babe?”

For the first time, Momo’s voice broke his heart. The tears that previously faded sprung back into his eyes and Momo panicked.

“Babe, what’s wrong? What happened?” She gently touched his cheek and it felt so different. Sparks would fly at the slightest touch of her fingers, but now…

“H-Hey, Jimin.” Momo’s voice began to fade in his head. He settled his attention towards the other side of the room where you were. 

It looked like you were still crying because Taeyong held onto your hands with a look of concern written all over his face. You turned your head and gave Jimin an unsettling look and tugged on Taeyong’s hand to lead him outside.

I guess we’re telling them afterall.

“Jimin.” Momo spoke. “Are you alright? You’re scaring me.”

What the hell was he supposed to say? He couldn’t just come right out and say “I’m sorry, but we’re not soulmates.” It seemed too cruel.

“And what happened? I swear it was Yuanfen, but I don’t remember a single thing.” There was concern in Momo’s voice and he couldn’t blame her. Afterall… she isn’t my… 

“Momo.” Jimin said sternly. “Let’s go outside, we have to talk.” 

This was it.

Somehow, the weather hadn’t changed but it was so much colder now.

As Jimin stepped out onto the sidewalk with Momo, he easily spotted you in the short distance even with your back turned to him. Jimin switched his attention to Taeyong who looked uneasy and heartbroken. He looked at Jimin with furrowed brows and sadness in his eyes before walking away. Your shoulders were slumped forward and instead of walking in the same direction as Taeyong, you went the opposite, walking past Momo and Jimin on the way,

“Y-Yn? What happ--” Momo tried to reach out for your hand, but Jimin grabbed her hand instead.

“Leave her.” He muttered.

“B-But, she looked like she was crying! Jimin, I have to go to her!”

Jimin squeezed Momo’s hand. He couldn’t look at her. The words couldn’t come out. Everything was crumbling at his feet.

“Jimin. Seriously. What is going on? You’re fucking scaring me.” Momo lashed out.

“We aren’t…” Jimin’s words were soft, almost inaudible.

“What?”

Jimin swallowed hard and looked Momo dead in the eyes. “You’re not my soulmate, Momo.”

A pained force laugh was pushed past between her lips as she took a step back. “Wha-What are you talking about, Jimin? What the fuck do you mean?!”

Silence. All he could offer her was silence.

“There has to be a mistake.” She was frantic. “M-Maybe there’s something about losing your memory after Yuanfen or soulmates getting mixed up or s-something.”

Jimin parted his lips to say something, anything, but nothing came out.

There were tears threatening to spill from Momo’s eyes as she approached him with caution. She clutched his face, her fingers so cold against his skin.

There was no warmth anymore.

“We’re high school sweethearts, Jimin. How can I not be your soulmate…?” Her voice shook as well as her hands.

“Momo, I’m sorry.” Jimin choked out. “I wish there was a mistake—I looked for loopholes, stories of people having the wrong soulmate, but…”

Slowly, Momo separated herself from Jimin’s body.

“Then who… who is your soulmate if it’s not me?” She managed to ask through her tears.

This is what Jimin dreaded—admitting that you were his soulmate to Momo.

“It’s…” Jimin breathed. “My soulmate is… y/n.”

The sound of your name made Momo lift her hand up to her mouth and all Jimin could do was endure the horror that settled in her eyes. He couldn’t reach out to hug her. He didn’t feel worthy of that.

“Y/n…?” She whimpered. “My best friend is my boyfriend’s soulmate? Is that why she was—” A loud sob interrupted her sentence. 

He didn’t want this. He didn’t want to hurt her and he was damn sure you didn’t want any of this either.

Yuanfen was supposed to be magical. It was supposed to be a celebration of eternal love. 

But it was all shit. 

There was nothing magical about hurting Momo, seeing her cry knowing that he had no control over any of this.

Jimin had wondered if there was any way he and Mono could work through any of this and just by the look on her face, he knew the answer.

“Momo, I—”

“You spent Yuanfen with her and what? Did you two do anything?!” She spat. 

He was at a loss for words. “We didn’t want this, okay?! She was in a happy and loving relationship with Taeyong and us too. This isn’t easy and I swear to you, Momo, I wish I could change this in a heartbeat but I can’t. I can’t do anything about this. I love you. How am I supposed to do this?” 

Momo was wavering. She took a few more steps back and shook her head.

“How, you ask… well, Jimin,” She began. “Let me make it easier for you.”

Just like that, with tear filled eyes, Momo spun on her heel and walked away with Jimin’s heart broken on the pavement.

It was cold, so cold. He couldn’t feel his hands, his face—tears? Jimin touched his cheeks with his nimble fingers and felt the damp streaks on his face.

The hard part was over, right? Having to face Momo and tell her the truth, that was the hard part and now it was done. But he was still suffocating.

Jimin lost her. He lost his girlfriend. Sure he may have found his soulmate, but what good is it if his soulmate wasn’t his girlfriend? He spent years loving Momo and just like that, it was all done. There was nothing left.

“Jimin.”

He looked up from his feet to find you standing before him, hair disheveled and cheeks still stained with tears. You staggered forward but he was still close enough to catch you. 

“I expected this.” You said quietly. “It was all expected, but why…”

Immediately, Jimin snaked his arms around your waist to embrace you. He felt and understood your pain. 

“I know. I’m sorry.” He breathed near your ear.

“Yeah.” You sniffled and hugged him tighter. “I’m sorry, too.”

Jimin sighed and rubbed your lower back. He didn’t know what he wanted. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to leave you be for now or take your hand to his dorm to talk about things. It was all too much to take in.

Jimin had just spent an entire day with you, took a nap with you in the same bed, he even kissed you for God’s sake. Losing Momo now was for the best. It would’ve been too painful to force himself out of love and push her away in the future. It was like ripping off a bandaid, quick and—well, painful. 

“What are we supposed to do now?” You questioned.

What were we supposed to do? 

Everything was still fresh. He was sure that Taeyong and Momo both had a lot of questions to ask, but maybe now wasn’t a good time. He really didn’t know what to do.

Out of instinct, he reached to cup your face and placed a light kiss in between your eyebrows. Your eyes fluttered closed and it wasn’t the best time to be thinking about it, but Jimin had the sudden urge to kiss you properly on the lips.

Again, Jimin acted on instinct.

He traced your cheek with his finger and curled it to lift your chin to make eye contact with you. Your eyes were red with a dust of sadness. You weren’t pulling away and you were still hugging him. He had a feeling you knew what was going to happen next, so he didn’t hesitate.

Using his thumb, Jimin gently pulled beneath your bottom lip to part them about a centimeter’s distance. He watched you close your eyes once more and kissed you sweetly.

Jimin tasted the saltiness from your tears, your pain, your heart break. Mixed in with the cocktail of emotions was the slightest taste of happiness.

He slowly broke the kiss, already missing the intimate contact and once again, tugged you at your nape to bring your face to his chest. He stroked your hair and sighed.

“I don’t know what to do.” Jimin said. “I guess let’s just...go?” He reeled himself back and took your hand, leading you down the path.

Heartbroken as he was for his soulmate not being Momo, he was still happy it was someone he knew and that someone was you. The beholders of fate and love had decided that you were his soulmate.

Yuanfen was a binding force that linked two persons together in any relationship and in this case, it was a romantic one and that force bound you to him.

He had wished that maybe it was you who he had dated in high school. He wished that you were the one he introduced to his parents and brother. He wished he knew what your body liked and what made your toes curl in bliss. He thought it would’ve made this entire thing easier.

But that was the thing, love wasn’t easy. Love was an adventure filled with ups and downs, heartache and celebration. It wasn’t a one time thing, it was something to experience at many different times in one’s life. 

Jimin was now this adventure with you and he was going to learn how to love you. He was going to experience every side of you and love each one completely. At least now he knew this was going to be a forever thing and it was all thanks to the thing that pained him in the first place.

Yuanfen.

-

-

-

♡ rae jagi

[ohlookashinysquirrel]

Sculptures at an Exhibition

This short story is for @ammosart​, who never got her persona secret santa gift. It’s a follow-up piece to the story Fired Up.

Happy Holidays, Ammo!

Oh crap, I’m gonna be late!

Shoving his phone into his pocket, Yosuke adjusted the messenger bag strap stretched across his chest; it had a tendency to get in the way when he was wearing his hoodie, and he had to watch for the velcro straps on his pockets. As was his wont, he had a pair of headphones around his neck, but he didn’t have them up; he loved hearing the crunch of dried maple leaves beneath his feet as he crossed Ueno Park, heading for the Tokyo Metropolitan Museum of Art. As he approached the large brick edifice, he had to smile; the sight always caused him to think back to his first visit, when he’d gone to meet and possibly interview renowned potter and sculptor Souji Seta. At the time, it had only been for research; he’d had no idea that the meeting would change his life.

He and Souji had been living together for a year now, and they were still blissfully happy. They’d had a few grumpy moments, a few times apart while Souji visited clients and museums or Yosuke met with his publishers or pursued his newest research. But moving in together had been the right choice, and every time Yosuke woke to the sound of birds and wind in the trees, or traded a kiss in exchange for his coffee, he knew it. Just like he knew it every time he stood in the door of Souji’s workshop to watch his lover lost in his work, and every time he looked up from his research to find that hours had passed, a thermos of tea had been placed at his elbow, and Souji was sitting by the window, sketching his next piece, content to share companionable space and silence.

Oftentimes, they made trips together, and this was one of those times. Yosuke had a meeting with his editor to discuss his newest research paper, and Souji had a new exhibit at the Met, which he’d been preparing for over the last three months or so. The brunette was insanely curious; he’d seen a few pieces and a few early sketches, but after a certain point Souji had stopped letting Yosuke into his studio, and although the brunette didn’t mind, that didn’t mean he wasn’t eager to finally see what his partner had been working on so secretively.

Taking the steps up to the exhibition room two-by-two, Yosuke found that he was only a few minutes late; patrons were already strolling around the well-lit room, but that was nice, because it meant that he could stroll, mingle, and listen (with no small amount of pride) as the attendees discussed and complimented Souji’s work. He meandered, as was his wont, examining piece after piece; this exhibit focused more on sculptures and Souji’s unique works and less on his traditional pottery, and the brunette loved it. While he very much enjoyed seeing his lover sitting at the potter’s wheel, throwing cups and plates that featured timeless lines and classic patterns (and, indeed, he had some very nice memories attached to that wheel), a part of him thrilled every time Souji let his creative side out, because the pieces that he made then were always so amazing, so beautiful and thought-provoking.

Some sculptures he recognised from some of Souji’s early sketches, and some were variations on familiar themes. Some were reminiscent of patterns he’d seen around their house, places they’d been, or things they’d seen, and some were completely new, intriguing and surprising all at once. As he made his way towards the back, he saw a surprisingly large statue, standing near the wall; there was enough room to walk around it, but not much. It was easily the biggest piece Souji had ever made.

As he approached, there were enough people milling about that he couldn’t immediately see what the statue was; it wasn’t until he got closer that he realised it was a person, standing with their back to the viewer. Standing with a relaxed pose, hands in their pockets, they wore a short-sleeved shirt; the jeans rolled to their knees, combined with the bit of ground that was sculpted at their feet, gave the impression that they were standing on the beach. There was something familiar about the whole scene, and as he walked up one comment caught his ear.

“He makes me want to see his face.”

It must have been a popular sentiment, because most people would walk up, stand for a moment, then peer around to look at the statue’s face, smile, and then turn to look at the plaque beside it. Yosuke joined the crowd, contemplating the piece for a few moments; there was something peaceful about it, but as he stepped forward to peer around to see the face, he found himself speechless. Almost immediately, he stepped back, flipping up his hoodie and sinking into it as he tried to hide the flush of embarrassment on his cheeks.

It was him.

There was no doubt about it. The shirt was one Yosuke had worn the last time they’d gone up to the beach in Fukuoka that summer. They’d had a good time swimming and relaxing, but as the day stretched towards evening they’d taken a walk, hand-in-hand, down the beach to watch the sunset across the water. He remembered the moment as if it was yesterday; a light breeze had been blowing, and he’d stood, eyes closed, feeling a sense of peace, as if he was at one with his surroundings. And then Souji had called his name, quietly, and he’d looked up to see his lover watching him, a soft smile on his face; they’d kissed - of course - and after a moment of just enjoying one another’s company, they’d headed back up the beach to have dinner before driving home.

Heart fluttering in his throat, Yosuke stepped aside, turning his attention to the plaque beside the statue. At the first few words, he found himself growing even more embarrassed; he couldn’t look away, however, and he skimmed the short paragraph with a lump in his throat and tears prickling at the corners of his eyes.

This piece was inspired by someone very important in my life. Not only does he support me in every way, he’s brought peace and contentment into my life, showing me the joy of every day, and in every moment, no matter how simple. When I’m with him, I feel like I’m always looking towards a new horizon, and new opportunities.

Yosuke had to blink hard as he finished reading; he half-expected Souji to materialise at this moment - the sculptor had a second sense for cheesy or dramatic moments, it seemed - but when he looked around he couldn’t see his lover anywhere. The space was the same one that had hosted the exhibit where they’d first met, however, and Yosuke knew that if he didn’t see Souji out on the floor, there was only one place he’d be.

Heading around the corner, it was easy enough to show his visitor badge to the guard and slip through the door into the back, to the small room that Souji used as an office whenever he had an exhibit. Pushing the door open, he was met by the sight of a familiar silver head bending over a museum catalogue, checking off the pieces that were out for display; when Souji looked up, a delighted smile spread across his face.

“Yosuke! You’re back. How did- mmmf!”

The sculptor’s words cut off abruptly as Yosuke pulled him into a kiss, and although it was clear that Souji was surprised by the display, the smile on his lips and fervour with which he returned the gesture showed that he had no complaints about it. When they finally stepped back - just an inch, for air - he smirked a little, wrapping an arm around the brunette’s waist and slipping a hand into Yosuke’s far hoodie pocket.

“You saw the statue, I take it? What did you think? I told you I’d sculpt you sometime… and I couldn’t get that day out of my mind, nor how you looked.”

Finding himself flushing - again - Yosuke turned his head to push his face against his lover’s shoulder. “You could have told me, you know.”

Souji chuckled, low in his throat, and god, Yosuke loved the sound. “But if I had, I wouldn’t have gotten that reaction.”

“Omg, you dork.” Yosuke swatted Souji’s shoulder, and the sculptor laughed. “I was just standing there like an idiot, going “herp derp who is this?” What if somebody had recognised me?”

“I wouldn’t have minded. I’m proud of you, you know?”

“Flatterer.” Yosuke knew by now that even though he was the writer, when it came to compliments and just downright cheese, Souji had him beat. When he didn’t continue, Souji raised an eyebrow.

“You didn’t recognise it when you saw it?”

The brunette rolled his eyes. “Dude! I don’t stare at the back of my head in the mirror!”

They both laughed at this, and Souji sighed happily, rubbing his cheek against the side of Yosuke’s head before letting his lover go.

“Come on. Let’s go get dinner, and once the exhibit closes I can show you around. I think there’s quite a few pieces you haven’t seen, I just couldn’t risk you seeing my surprise.”

Yosuke’s stomach was growling by this point, and he agreed with a good will. Before Souji could open the door back into the exhibit, however, the brunette reached for his arm. Feeling his cheeks light up again, he gave his lover a small, embarrassed smile.

“Hey, Souji. You make me feel the same way, you know. Peaceful and happy and hopeful.”

A quick expression of surprise crossed Souji’s face, followed by a warm, gentle look of happiness. “Good.” The brunette felt a hand wrap around his, and Souji pulled him in for a short-but-sweet kiss. There were no more words, but they didn’t need them.

[thebatfamhasaliabilityanditsme]

So, since I’ve been here, they’ve finally begun to trust me enough that they will let Alfred leave the house. He’s been my constant babysitter, I suspect never more than ten feet away, even at my most intimate moments.

(A suspicion confirmed when I wondered aloud about Squatty Potties one morning, only to find one nestled beneath my toilet the next day. I choose to believe this is due to in-person, non-visual lurking and not a 24/7 live feed of my grunting face. Somehow, that seems more comforting. Anyways, back to the story.)

Of course, I’m not at the manor alone. Hey, baby steps. Bruce is working on something or other, above ground, in the study. I’m allowed to wander the house, but they still take extra precautions to prevent me from seeing the Batcave.

At some point mid-morning (vague estimates like this are part of the reason they don’t give me more responsibilities, I’m sure) the doorbell rang. Which is a little unusual. Usually if someone we don’t know visits, they use the intercom at the gate, and don’t make it past to the doorbell. If it is someone we know, they usually walk right in. I figured maybe someone needed help carrying something in.

Naïve.

I open the door and immediately start having a terrible flashback by proxy for Babs. Joker’s standing there (sans Hawaiian shirt, even though I can picture it so clearly) pointing a gun in my face (I can imagine the camera, but in this case the gun stands out a little more starkly). My heartrate skyrocketed and I lost track of my breathing. I’m pretty sure I instantly broke out in a sweat. Or at least I remember my hair being damp later.

My first impulse was to close the door, but I knew that wouldn’t work. There’s a story that goes with this too, but for the sake of plot flow, I think I’m going to just start adding appendices on this thing.

So. See Appendix A.

After an eternity, maybe just a couple of seconds, Joker rasped (See Appendix B) out, “Well, aren’t you going to ask me in?”

Lacking the ability to think of any better options, I opened the door the rest of the way. “Won’t you?”

“Why thank you.” He stepped over the threshold. He seemed alone. I couldn’t see anyone else, but I also couldn’t see a car out front. “I was expecting that prim British butler, but your manners are at least passing.” He spun around as I closed the door behind us, the gun waggling with a nonchalant threat. “May I ask after the master of the house?”

I swallowed hard. “Yeah, Bruce is right down here,” I half gestured in the direction of the study.

“Bruce!” he skipped over to my side, threw the gun from one hand to the other, elbowing me jokingly (but in the direction I gestured), “You’re certainly not that butler!” His voice dropped an octave to mock, “’Master Wayne this, Master Wayne that.’”

We started walking, and the silence hung too heavy on the air. I figured if I could at least keep him talking, Bruce might hear from around the corner and be able to react. “He’s not in today.”

Quick as a whip, the Joker quipped, “At the hairdresser’s then?” (See Appendix C)

And wouldn’t I be damned but I just about laughed out loud. As it was, a panicky smirk struggled on my face just long enough for him to see.

“Think that’s funny do you?” He threw the gun back into the hand closest to me and smacked the muzzle threateningly on my shoulder in cadence as he said, “They don’t call me the Joker for my impeccable sense of style.”

My eyes bobbed with the gun. Understanding his implication, I coughed out a weak chuckle, distinctly unlike the genuine laugh I had fought back a moment ago. He frowned.

We turned a corner. The study was just a few doors down this hallway. The doors were open. If I could get the Joker to talk loud enough, maybe-

“He’s in there, is he?” Joker dropped his voice to a whisper. Damn. “Well, once we’re there, you’ll be a good little maidservant and get his attention for me, won’t you?” The gun lifted from over my shoulder to touching my chin.

I just nodded.

We turned the corner into the open room. Bruce hadn’t heard us approach, hadn’t even heard the doorbell ring. Appendix D. He remained at the desk, shuffling through and examining a disarray of papers.

Joker stepped to be behind me. Yay human shield. He jabbed the gun into my back. Not too forceful, just a reminder. As if I’d forgotten.

I cleared my throat. Nothing. “Um, Bruce?” I heard my voice betray my fear with a squeak. Still nothing.

Now Joker jabbed the gun forcefully into my side. I jumped a little, raised my voice, “Bruce!”

Still. Nothing. Joker grabbed my shoulder, dug the gun into my side, and glared at me impatiently. I looked back with fear and confusion and apparently a little bit of “watch this” judging by the smile he gave me.

I inhaled deeply then let out a cry like a caribou calling for a mate, half leaning out of the Joker’s grasp.

“BUH-ROOOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOOOSE!” Joker grabbed a knot of my hair firmly, yanking me upright as I finished shouting.

Bruce’s head jerked up from the table. (Appendix E.) His mouth set in a grim line.

Joker hissed in my ear, “Announce me.”

I tried to clear my throat, but all that came out was a weak little whimper, “Joker’s here to see you.”

The Joker let go and as I fell to the side, he simultaneously pistol-whipped me and said, “The Brit would have done it with more pomp.”

I hit the other side of my head on an end table on my way down and blacked out by the time I hit the floor.

---------- 

Appendix A: Jason’s Wild Ride

A couple of weeks ago, Jason got bombed off his ass. He entirely forgot that he had already announced his resurrection to Bruce and everybody, and in his inebriated state decided to do a shortcut version. In full Red Hood garb (the old one from storage with the musty blue jacket), he got on his motorcycle and just. Crashed. Through. The Front Door. Screaming “I’m back bitches!”. After fumbling for and dropping his gun a couple of times, Tim managed to peacefully disarm him. It went like this:

Tim: Uh, Jason?

Jason: Oh, hi Replacement!

Tim: Would you mind handing over your guns?

Jason: Y’know, I’m too sloshed to have these anyways. Take them.

When Jason woke up late the next evening, Bruce was LIVID. He all but dragged him down to the cave by his ear and made Jason go through firearms training again from Step One: don’t handle when drunk. Hungover is apparently okay.

I tried to ask Tim what got Jason so uncharacteristically blackout drunk in the first place. It wasn’t around any important dates I could remember. Tim just shrugged. He was either ignoring me, or didn’t know, or knew but didn’t trust me enough to tell me.

So! Not only did I 1- learn the original door was not reinforced in any way but also 2- witnessed the installation of a similarly “plain” wooden door in its place.

 ***

Appendix B: Rasped? Growled? Politely Queried?

What is up with that voice? It’s so haunting and familiarly unfamiliar. It’s halfway between “jovial pre-teen boy who’s voice is just beginning to crack” and “cynical 76 year old grandmother who’s been smoking since she developed the fine motor control necessary”. And yet neither. It’s something you can’t describe, can’t imagine, and then, once heard, want to forget.

 ***

Appendix C: Get it?

Because he’s bald?

…

I thought it was f*ckin hilarious.

 ***

Appendix D: WTF

Like seriously. What the ever-loving son of milk mold? BRUCE? OBLIVIOUS? Later, he said, no he REALLY hadn’t heard the doorbell and he REALLY hadn’t heard us approach. When I, and others, asked what he was doing, he just shut down and barked, “I was busy” at us.

F*cker.

“I WaS bUsY.”

 ***

Appendix E: Speedster’s POV

Bruce did not just “look up”. I feel like only a speedster would have been able to fully appreciate the range of reactions and emotions that passed over Bruce in that sharp half second. As is, I will imagine I am one and try to describe the details of his reaction, as I saw them. Also, as I’d like to interpret them.

First, when he registered me mid-cry, he closed his eyes and knit his brows. I’m fairly confident this was a “what is this liability on my house doing now”. Then, by the sheer power of eye-rolling, his head began to raise and he started to snap, “What”. If you’d have paused in that moment, it would have been glorious derp. I might draw it later.

As his eyes passed our lower half, he let just a shiver of confusion cross his face.

Then he registered who I was with and the hatred passed over him like a shadow. Just for a moment, the cowl was on. Just as quickly, the mask of Bruce returned. He settled on a concerned, indignant expression.

[cyanidefilledcandy]

Soooo....I know it's my birthday, but I'm super depressed....

Long story short, I've been dealing with this abusive asshole at work and management is doing absolutely nothing about it...

But despite that, I was really looking forward to my birthday. I asked my manager to take my two days off in a row so I could have some time to really enjoy myself.

However, all of this and my legit good mood on Sunday despite how absurdly busy we were was crushed before I even got off.

I'd been having some issues with my car and my dad's a mechanic, so I had him look at it. Basically,he and the people at AutoZone basically said I needed my spark plugs changed. So, we tried that, but it was still the same. My dad noticed that something was up with the gaskets or something....so he replaced those. He finally got done with everything and unfortunately, couldn't fix it or even find out what the problem was.

And by now, it's so bad that it can barely accelerate over 10 mph...

I had a very basic plan for my birthday...

Sunday - clean my house and then stream a bit....

Today- buy a table and chair and spend the whole day just drawing/making stuff (with like polymer clay and whatnot). Maybe a bit of drinking and streaming. (Or taking a dance class after FOREVER.)

Tomorrow - sleep off the alcohol (if need be) and maybe derp around on the Sims. Maybe do some window shopping...

I left work at 5:30 yesterday (was SUPPOSED to leave at 4...) and didn't make it home until 8:10... I live 20- 25minutes away from work...

My car is basically dead now... So, I can't go any freakin where... No dance class, not even a dance STORE. Can't get a table because even though there's places in walking distance I can't carry a freaking table back to my apartment. Can't so much as go to Olive Garden (because I considered treating myself since I live so far away from it). Can't even GET alcohol because it's not within walking distance to my house and ....*sigh* I seriously just wanted to draw again.... (Doing on the floor is SO uncomfortable that it keep me from doing much...)

But....all of that I could get over. What I can't...

I'd been warring with myself over the past month or so whether or not I would stay at these jobs I've busted my ass for and literally went through hell for or just move in with my best friend and take a paycut. I knew what I wanted to do, especially after these past couple of weeks at work and my managers refusal to do anything about the literal abuse me and my co-workers have been taking. I'm finally at a point where I'm payed decently, but.... it's no longer worth it to me. Despite the money, I really have no qualms with giving up the job and position and starting over. I have experience and don't mind working my way up, and...honestly was excited for something new. However....

The more I weighed the pros and cons, the more unsure I was... What finally hit me was...if I left, I would still have a car payment... Even if I WERE to find a new job soon (unlikely since it would've been right after the holidays), I still wouldn't have been able to afford my car payment plus the insurance PLUS whatever rent and bills I'd get PLUS I owe the IRS... And....he probably would've, but that is WAY too much to ask of my friend and I'm not about to ask him for that.

So....with a heavy heart (like...I literally cried), I decided to stay here....even if I broke my lease later on, at least my car would be payed for... Part of me also feels like something's been telling me to leave for the longest time and if I stayed, I'd be tempting fate. But really....what else was I supposed to do?

Now....my dad feels like the car might actually be close to finished...

Which means....I basically locked myself into another full year of misery....for NOTHING!

And that's the worst thing about all of this...

[euphoric-moments01]

Serenade

Genre : Fluff Pairing : Moonbin ( Astro x Reader ) Word count : 2083 Date completed : 21/06/17

[Moonbin’s POV]

I watched y/n as she removed her hands from the bicycle handles, lifting them in the air. The breeze tousled her hair. The sunlight highlighted her angelic features as she tilted her chin up to look at the sky.

Her eyes shut as she sighed, lips tugging into a small smile. I could watch this beautiful sight all day. We continued to ride our bikes, making our way to a nearby tteokbokki eatery, where we usually had our lunch.

I’ve always liked y/n.

The first time we met, her soft hazel eyes just seemed to capture me. The music in her voice always comforted me ; I fell in love with everything about her.

She gave me the hope I never had.

This simple action of cycling after school without a definite destination, spent in our private little bubble made everything feel surreal. We raised our arms in the air without a care in the world while our conversations and laughter filled the air.

Nothing else seemed to matter.

We halted our bikes and parked them outside the tteokbokki eatery.

I let out a snicker as I heard y/n’s stomach growl in hunger. She glared at me, hitting me on my chest.

“Let’s go, I’m starving!” she whined

“No shit,” I smirked.

“Ugh,” she rolled her eyes and grabbed my hand, rushing us.

We were engulfed by the strong aroma of food as soon as we stepped inside.

“Annyeonghaseyo!” We smiled as the lady greeted us warmly.

The little eatery didn’t seem all that fancy. It had a snug and warm atmosphere, making us feel at home.

We ordered the usual then sat at our spot at the back of the eatery.

“I can’t wait for our food to come” I pouted as my stomach churned loudly.

“No shit ~” Y/n mocked in a deep voice.

Right after teasing her, an ahjumma walked over and served us the tteokbokki along with two glasses of cold water then going to the table next to us to clean up.

I picked up the metal chopsticks and brought the tteokbokki towards y/n’s mouth and before she even takes a bite. I pulled back quickly and ate it instead.

[Y/n’s POV]

“Yah!” I smacked his arm lightly and pouted.

“Aigoo… You two look so cute together… Cherish each other okay…” The ahjumma grinned as she walked away.

I started blushing furiously and simultaneously, lowered my head to avoid Moonbin from noticing my now, super red face.

Tilting my head up a little. I realise that Moonbin was blushing as well.

“Aish this tteokbokki is really spicy,” he said whilst fanning himself.

“Pfft for a second, I actually thought you were blushing,” I mumbled before taking a bite of my tteokbokki.

“Ya it tastes the same. It’s not thaat spicy.”

“… Whatever,” he simply shrugged as he stuffed more tteokbokki in his mouth.

I just stared at him questioningly.

Noticing some tteokbokki sauce on his lips, moving closer I lifted my hand caressing his chin lightly. My thumb grazed over his lips gently wiping it away.

[Moonbin’s POV]

My heart stopped for a moment as I watched y/n shift closer to wipe the sauce off my lips.

Our faces were now a few inches apart. The tiny freckles she found ‘ugly’ were aligned like constellations speckled across her rosy cheeks and the bridge of her nose.

“Moonbin, is everything okay?” Y/n’s velvet voice disrupted my thoughts. I shook my head, suddenly realizing how I was staring at Y/n subconsciously.

“Technically, I’m not okay. Sitting in front of a pretty girl like you is certainly nerve wrecking and breath taking,” I chuckled, watching her cheeks flame up.

“Yeah as if I’m that pretty,” she snorted, not believing a thing I said. Simply dismissing the topic we continued eating whilst we talked. Time flew by quickly and before we knew it, we were already thanking the ahjumma and heading out of the cozy eatery.

[Y/n’s POV]

A cool gust of air fanned my face as soon as we stepped out. I looked at moonbin to see his hair all messily disheveled in different directions due to the wind. He looked at me clueless and unaware.

I mushed his cheeks together to keep his head in place as I fixed up his hair. I ruffled his hair, strands of hair falling in place.

“Perfect,” I said, poking the tip of his nose. A row of white tents caught my eyes from over Moonbin’s shoulders. Taking a step to the side of him to get a clearer view, I noticed colorful booths lined up inside with a small crowd of people looking around. Turning around, Moonbin follows my gaze.

“Mooonbin let’s go check out that flea market” I bursted excitedly, tugging at his sleeve. The faint music got louder as we approached the flea market.

[3rd Person’s POV]

Stepping inside, it was a though they were in another dimension. Smiling brightly, she turned back to grab his hand, pulling him closer towards her. Tugging him along, both of them went to get ice cream. Their surroundings were filled with fairy lights, making it seem like they were characters from a love story.

While indulging in her ice cream, she smeared a little on his cheek, giggling at his reaction. Pinching her nose, he then wiped off the ice cream on his face. She gave him a peck on his cheek before they continued their short little adventure at the flea market.

They walked through the flea market hand in hand when they came across a tiny, classic photo booth. Moonbin pulled the curtain open, letting y/n step in first. A wooden bench for two and a small camera attached to a screen on the other side was all that was in the booth. He inserted a note in the slot of the machine and sat next to her. The photobooth was so cramped, their bodies were pressed together. The heat radiating from each of them was comforting to both y/n and Moonbin. Y/n pressed the start button on the screen. The timer started, counting down from 3 to 1.

Moonbin held y/n by the waist, bringing them even closer. The both of them smiled sweetly at the camera before the camera gave out a bright flash that snapped the picture. The countdown started again. Moonbin made a double chin derp face while y/n stuck out her tongue, trying to contain her laughter. y/n made hearts with her fingers, making a cute face. Moonbin did the same but just before the camera took the picture, he swiftly leaned to kiss her on the cheek.

“Payback,” he whispered lowly in her ears.

She stared at him, completely caught off guard. He smirked devilishly as her face slowly turns red. The flash went off for the last time, disrupting the moment.

“We should collect our photos,” she spoke flusteredly, her face still tinted red.

He laughed at how his slight peck had left her in. Collecting the 2 strips of photos from the front of the booth, they both smiled widely at the photos in front of them. Moonbin was looking at y/n lovingly in all the pictures. He pointed to the last image on the strip, laughing hysterically at the priceless face y/n had. She gave him a playful push, hoping he would stop teasing her. Keeping the photos safely, they made their way to collect their bikes.

[Moonbin’s POV]

The autumn breeze caused the leaves to rustle in the branches vigorously, some of the leaves dropping. A red leaf fell lightly on y/n’s head, getting caught in her hair. I carefully picked out the dead leaf from her hair, tucking loose strands of hair behind her ear. Lifting her thin wrists, I placed the leaf in the palm of her hand. She started fidgeting with the stray leaf, a daze look in her eyes. I was going to ask what was on her mind but decided to ask her later.

“Let’s take the long route home, I have something to show you along the way,” I said smiling.

“What is it?” she questioned.

“It’s a surprise,” I beamed happily.Her face lit up at the word ‘surprise’.

“Hurry let’s go,” she said whilst getting on her bike.

The bike ride was much calmer and quiet, both us deep in thought. The silence comforting us. I couldn’t help feeling nervous. It’s been years and I’m finally going to confess to her about my feelings for her. The possibility of her liking me back made my heart explode out of chest but the possibility of rejection made me feel extremely devastated and heartbroken. I really hoped I wouldn’t be ruining our friendship.

There’s no turning back now, I can’t possibly keep this a secret from her forever. I have to tell her. I took a glimpse at y/n, her eyebrows were furrowed as she was deep in thought. I wondered for a moment, what she was thinking about.

The sun was setting, casting its golden rays upon the horizon of clouds as the both of us rode past Han River. I halted my bike at the abandoned street piano under the bridge. Y/n followed suit. I walked to the vintage piano slowly. Taking my time to collect myself. The piano bench creaked as I took my seat. Y/n sat beside me, watching me as I ran my fingers through the dusty keys. Despite the piano looking worn out on the outside, it still had the ability to produce beautiful music.

“Moonbin are you okay? You look nervous,” y/n spoke softly.

Nodding my head, I gave her a reassuring smile.

[Y/n’s POV]

He only replied me with a nod. I could tell he was nervous. I’ve never seen him play the piano in front of anyone before. He would usually practice in the piano room at school by himself. I tried reading his expression to figure out what was bothering him so much. Ever since the bike ride he has been looking so tensed.

I was worried for him. He took a deep breath before starting the song.

The melody and lyrics were exquisite from beginning to end, not missing a single key or sang the wrong lyric. He wrote a song dedicated to me. The lyrics had touched and captivated me. His alluring voice as he sang sincerely, meaning every word he sang. It gave me goosebumps because I felt as if his emotions had radiated on me. I had no words. No words could express how I was feeling.

All this while I thought that my liking for him was one sided. My insecurities too overwhelming for me to notice that he had liked me back. We had been there for each other through the darkest and brightest times. There had been rough patches in our friendship but that had only made our bond stronger.

“I like you y/n,” he said.

“When did you start developing feelings for me?” I asked while fidgeting with my fingers.

“The moment I saw you,” he said without hesitation. I thought about how it must’ve hurt for him to be bottling his feelings all this while. I held his hands, pulling him closer then kissing him.

Passion ; was what the kiss felt like. There was neither rush nor the attempts of dominating each other but instead, it was filled with emotions ; one that cannot be explained.

Pulling apart, we rested our foreheads against each other and I shyly whispered, “ I like you too”. With that four words leaving my mouth, I felt my legs off the ground ; now in his embrace, he spinned me in circles with a big grin on his face.

“Yah! It’s enough~ I’m getting dizzy already, jagiya~” I lightly smack him on the chest as I giggled.

“Alright… alright… yeobo~” he cooed as we started to head back, taking the path along the river whilst pushing our bikes along.

“Jagi! Look!” I pointed excitedly at the water show that is happening at Han River. I rested my head against his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around my waist while we enjoy the simple yet beautiful and colourful water show.

Just like that, I also hope that from the beginning till the end of our relationship would be simple yet beautiful.

© @lockscreens-smuts | Please like or share the story :-)

-admin mel and Tanya

Sorry for the long wait but we’re finally done with this story:-) Hope y'all like it~~

[panic-in-tarir]

One year in review

That’s it! The OH IT’S BEEN ONE YEAR post is here!

The closer my first anniversary was, the more excited I got, and the more thoughts I gathered for one “summary” post. Now that it’s time, suddenly, bam, all of them gone. :’> *wipes sweat*

Recently I had someone asking about my progression and how I managed to get there (???? where? derp). Well, I guess, I could just start telling about my first deeds in GW2, and then see if I can add something.

This might or might not be relevant, but I come from Wakfu, a colorful 2D game with turn-based combat. It’s cool visually, but also has terrible management issues, lack of developer care, one of the worst customer supports ever, list goes on.. I played it since 2012, and year by year, only grew angry, disappointed and hurt. That was like an abusive relationship I couldn’t get out of. I refused to try different genre and engine games. Finally, @aketan​ / @flame-squad​ / Rika got me lowkey interested in GW2 (she was commenting expressively while playing, and I peeked over her shoulder), I decided to try it. And stayed. Migrating to a real-time 3D game wasn’t easy! Yet, it was my lifesaver decision. GW2 has everything that I wish was there in Wakfu. It took me several months, if not a year, to get fully “healed”, to recover from the bad game and start believing that good games exist. When I had to contact GW2 support, I was touched to tears.. Everything and everyone is so nice here.

That wall of text was a foreword! Or explanation why I’m so excited and grateful about every aspect of GW2.

I started without putting too much thought into the char creation, as a result, now I have yet another main whose name is literally foreign language swearing or pun. GG me. After having been completely lost and confused by the controls (I LITERALLY ran backwards and yelled), after having a short but comprehensive lesson from bff, I started derping around on my own. I think I was only guided until lvl 5 or so, then my buddy let me do whatever I want. I come from a sandbox-wannabe game so it didn’t take me forever to get comfortable and set my first goals. Of course, I had a shit ton of questions, which I didn’t hesitate to spam Rika with. It’s cool to have someone ready to explain you the basics and patiently show you things. :D My several first days, or even weeks, were intense. I didn’t rush levels, but was eager to see the world. It was so amazing to me that I was spending 8-10 hours a day, running around, completing maps. I started in Metrica but quickly wandered away to Caledon (”oh! a portal?!”), where I spent a handful of time then.

With such a desire to discover and observe, and after having seen the title you’re awarded for 100% world map completion, I set it as my first ultimate goal. I approached it rather seriously, and had an incredibly fun time, at least until I had only Orr left undiscovered. x’D As a squishy (and slow, and dumb) ele, I was frightened and a bit discouraged by the amount of, well, deaths here. If I recall correctly, I still wore yellows at that time, although I was 80. Rika helped me and accompanied me for a bit. Orr was tough and I legit cried out of anger and frustration when I was alone, but that was the only unpleasant moment in entire year, and only because I wasn’t good at the game yet.

In the meantime, I was leveling my first alt, human engi. Do you actually remember that f2p accounts only allow 2 chars? Later, after buying HoT, I finally got loose.

They say, you always remember the place where you finished your first world map. For me, and oddly enough, for Rika, it was Field of Ruins. We reached the last POI at the same time, and, boy, did it feel great. My first big accomplishment. It dropped like.. Like a norn fart in a moot (c) Jory \o/ I still use the title btw, “been there, done that”. \o/

Then, there was a relatively dull period before buying HoT. I focused on doing my personal story, maxing out my alt and getting into crafting. The latter quickly became addictive to me. It’s so smooth, fun and exciting in GW2. Artificer was my first discipline, and after getting the hang of it, I breezed through 100-500 in a single day’s course.

That’s what the progression of my first 4-5 months looked like! I still was f2p, did only open world content and had one person to play with. I’m my own boss so it’s up to me to decide if I want to spend 30 minutes or 8 hours ingame.

HoT was a blessing in every aspect possible! I never regretted buying it, never regretted taking my time and not buying it earlier though - I needed that f2p scrub time to learn the basics, and to appreciate all the convenience and QoL improvements that come with HoT.

That’s where the real game starts, if I could say that. Core Tyria is by all means amazing, but you can go only this far if your account has those market and mail restrictions.. I used to enjoy playing market in Wakfu (while it was still alive) and I was excited to try it in GW2. When I bought the expansion and got my account fully functional, I got some skins and dyes ahead of all, then proceeded with crafting since I was really addicted to it and excited to max all the disciplines as my medium priority goal.

GW2 is encouraging altoholism! So I found myself leveling a third character (tried revenant and didn’t notice how I got her to level 20-ish and it was too late to delete), then fourth, fifth, then more char slots.. You see my weakness. I quickly realized the perks of having alts: storage, gathering, alternative personal stories, so on. When you’re an altoholic, plus you have yet to finish gearing up your main, plus you can barely hold yourself from leveling another crafting discipline.. RIP GOLD. I never had more than 30-100g at that time period.

Since market and wealth are one of my biggest passions ingame, I learned ways to earn me some coins, one by one. It’s not that hard if you’re a patient gatherer like me. Just run around, chop trees, collect ore and herbs.. I enjoy it so much, maybe it’s grind for someone, but I find it relaxing. Also it brings you gold. \o/ I found a few niche crafts that I could keep making and selling, then got familiar with market flipping, still not doing it like “big daddies” do, I might be too inefficient and lazy at it. But still, I found my own stable sources of income. Not gonna lie, the game just seems to like me and spoils occasionally. I don’t wanna brag, but there was like 4 precursor drops for me, 2 from mystic toilet, 2 practically dropped from the sky. I might be a little luckier than the average player. But that’s well deserved given how much suffering I had in Wakfu. :’D

When we talk about luck, we can’t avoid mentioning gambling. I learned about mystic toilet quite early, but never was a slave to it. Tarrktun has a bit more power over me, but I’ve never lost too much, only gained little by little. Black Lion Keys are the most evil gambling aspect if you ask me, I’ve spent quite a bit of money on those, though sometimes got nice things in exchange. Either gold to gems or gems for real money, I don’t mind spending it on Anet since they very, very well deserve it.

Given my passion, patience and luck, you must think I should be filthy rich by now.. Hah. :’DD Sadly, I’m just as good at spending as I’m at earning! I blew a lot of money on my own “needs” and “wants” and “why not”s, I keep investing into long term sales, I also often buy gifts for my buddies, mostly Rika. Money comes, money goes. GW2efficiency says my account is worth 14k gold currently. Not a bad progress for a year, I suppose.

So.. My biggest interests and playstyle are gold wars, fashion wars, altoholism.. I became quite a lore geek, completed PS, LS2, available LS3 episodes & most of current events, most of HoT? I should finish it but I procrastinate for some reason.

My current achievement number is 7610, mastery rank is 129 iirc. I’m not a casual derp anymore, but still too afraid to fail in front of strangers so I don’t really do dungeons or fractals. I mean I DO, when my bff literally holds my hand and goes there with me, then 3 strangers vs two of us is tad bit less scary. My combat skill, my reflexes and reactions are rather pathetic, even if I got significantly better after HoT and LS3 maps. I must train more, so recently I made a tanky character to practice, I hope to get good enough to clear story mode dungeons and low level fractals alone. Maybe I’m being too hard at myself, but combat skill has practically the biggest influence in this game, so I must git gud, at least acceptable, so I don’t feel ashamed to play with other people and don’t let them down. :’D

I’m a pve trash. Tried WvW and don’t mind coming here again, but not too much. PvP is a big no-no. Just.. Not my thing. Never. Not with my current skill and mindset (people = stress).

I’ve still got a mind-boggling amount of things to do. Personal goals, mere achievements, secrets and mysteries I’m yet to uncover, lore things to read. Maybe I’ll play GW1 one day, if there’s ever a discount sale. \;w;/ I’m super curious about every tiny bit of lore, also want some skins that are exclusive to GW1. That pleasant, sweet feeling that there’s so much interesting things ahead. I will take my time and never grind anything to frustration, for example, I’ve been working on my first leg, Sunrise, on and off and I’ll wait several months more, until I get all the clovers from the monthly chest. I don’t sweat it and just enjoy the game however I see it. Feelsgoodman.

I hope I managed to answer that person’s question, how did I get where I’m currently? Just took my time, learned my own pace and enjoyed every minute I spent online. Love the game, and it will love you back. \o/

[flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash]

113 and 149!

113. What was your childhood nickname?

My high school nickname was actually Toni, and only my old high school friends still call me that, the couple times a year that I get to see them. It was actually a bit of a process, to arrive at that nickname. My name is Ashton, and at first, way back when, I was called Ashtonio by my friends for a while. Then that shortened to Tonio, and then finally to Toni, and Toni stuck. 

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

Oh lort, do I ever. Idk if I’d call them ghosts, more spirits. I actually told the long, creepy ass experience I had at my old Philly apartment involving a spirit(s) back around Halloween, but will gladly tell it again. Settle in for a long ass story, if you care enough to read it :P *putting a keep reading bar bc this is a long one*

So I lived in a really old, big apartment with 2 roommates for 2 years (I moved out about a year and a half ago) and we all 3 are CONVINCED we had at least one ghost in our apartment. Like…so much weird shit happened. The first week we moved in, our gas stove turned on 3 mornings in a row…by itself. Like, we all woke up to the smell of gas in the apartment, and went out to find the one knob had been pushed in and turned over. And we would randomly lose stuff, and then it would pop up in the most random places (a candle, a dish towel, random papers). 

My one roommate is a huge believer in spirits, I’m in the middle (I believe in them, but am not super connected to them like she is) and my other roommate was a huge skeptic. Well, by the end of the 2 years we all firmly believed in this ghost(s). We had all wooden floors in the apartment, and my believer roommate was the first one to tell us that when she was home alone, she would hear footsteps going up and down the long hallway we had that connected the bedrooms to the living room. And we were on the top floor, so it wasn’t anyone walking above us. And we didn’t share any walls with any neighbors, since the only other apartment on our floor was separated from our apartment by the staircase. She also said she heard my bedroom door shut the one day, but I, nor anyone else except her, was home. She also had a pitbull, who would randomly stare at the corner of the hallway and bark, as well as one time she stared at the top ceiling corner in my bedroom, which was the bedroom closest to the hallway, and barked (and this dog NEVER barked at anything; like, a burgler could’ve came in and she would’ve just sat there silently and watched). I was semi skeptical, but also believed her, so was cautious when I was home alone. 

After the first couple months, I started hearing shit too. I would be home alone, with the dog and cat sleeping beside me on the couch, and would distinctly hear footsteps going down the hall. Once I even swore I heard the front door open, so I yelled to see which roommate had returned. When no one answered, I got up to look, and there was no one there. And the dog had also heard it and ran to look, thinking someone was home. When I texted both my roommates, neither one was anywhere near the apartment. It freaked me the hell out, because the footsteps especially happened fairly often when I was home alone, to the point where I almost became used to them, in a weird way. I think having the pets there really helped me from peeing my pants on the regular. 

WELL, the scariest moment, for me, was during our first Christmas break in the apartment. We were all three grad students at the time, so were able to go home over break. I had come back first, 2 days after Christmas, and it was just me and my one cat at that point who were in the apartment. My believer roommate was coming back the next day, and the skeptic roommate wasn’t coming back for another week. It was late at night, and I was in my bedroom, in bed, derping around on my laptop, with my cat at the foot of the bed. And all of a sudden, I heard someone walking around in the living room, which was on the other side of the wall from my bedroom. Like, it legit sounded like a man pacing back and forth across the living room, shuffling papers (I’m getting chills just typing this). I froze, and looked at my cat, who had woken from a dead sleep, jumped off the bed, went to my doorway, and he was staring down the hallway at the living room all freaked out and puffed up. So I KNEW that he had heard it too. I legit was convinced that someone had broken into the apartment, and I grabbed my field hockey stick and phone, ready to dial 911. 

I crept down the hall, but the noise had stopped. And when I finally was brave enough to jump around the corner into the living room…there was no one there. Both our front and back doors were still bolted, and we lived on the 4th floor, so no one had crawled in a window. I then stood in the middle of the living room and looked down at my cat like, “WTF just happened?” And at that moment, every single hair on my body stood up, and I just had this overwhelming sensation that I wasn’t alone in the room, and that someone/something was standing in the room, watching me. It sent so much fear through me that I literally sprinted down the hall to my bedroom, and my cat ran down the hall after me, as well. We went into the bedroom, I closed and bolted my door, turned off the lights, and crawled under the covers. 

I then texted my believer roommate, and at that point I was legit crying, I was so scared, and told her what had happened. She had always told me that when I felt like there were spirits nearby, to say out loud, “There’s a white light surrounding me” and envision it, so that the spirits would stay away (her grandmother was like a shaman of sorts and all into spirit stuff, and had taught her that). So I laid there and repeated it over and over until I finally fell asleep. But dear god, that was the scariest thing ever. 

My skeptic roommate thought both of us were crazy, and she firmly didn’t believe in the ghost…for about 8 months. She was always the one to say out loud, “I don’t believe in you” and she kinda taunted it/them, because she thought it/they were fake. Well…she got quite the experience. There was a day where I woke up late, around like 10am, and when I came out of my bedroom, she accosted me and asked if I had been awake around 7am and if I had gone into her bedroom. I was like wtf no, I was asleep. And our other roommate had been at her boyfriend’s for the night, so she wasn’t home. My roommate was so scared, she wouldn’t even tell me what had happened for almost an entire 24 hours. Finally, she admitted that she had gotten up really early to write a research paper for class. She said that around 7am she pushed her chair back from her desk (it was a wooden chair with no wheels) and went to the bathroom. She said when she came back, that the chair was turned exactly 180 degrees, facing away from the desk. She then ALSO told me that she had woken up in the middle of the night around like 2 or 3am, and wasn’t sure what had woken her, because usually she sleeps like the dead. She was laying there and said she distinctly heard a child’s laugh come from the middle of her bedroom. That, coupled with the chair turn the next morning, freaked her out so much, and since that day, she was switched into a believer about there being at least one ghost in the apartment. 

However, all my experiences were with a spirit that seemed to be an adult male, not a child. I even had a friend who’s really in touch with spirits spend the night at our apartment, and she said she woke up in the middle of the night and swore she saw the shadow outline of a man standing in the living room doorway (that connected to the hallway) looking at her. And my roommate’s one friend, who also is into spirits, said that she kept seeing movement out of the corner of her eye in our apartment, and said it looked like a man. And both these people we NEVER told about us thinking we had a ghost, because we didn’t want to look crazy. And yet they both said they saw a man, and it was always around the living room/hallway area. I don’t know if it was a man spirit and also a child spirit (maybe the kid was the one stealing stuff and who turned on the stove when we moved in). 

But also….something else weird, that I didn’t think about until after we had moved out….when we first had moved into this apartment, we cleaned the whole place, top to bottom. I was in charge of cleaning out the 2 huge hallway closets we had. The top shelf was super high, and I had to get a step ladder to reach it. Since I’m a bit OCD, I felt like I needed to clean even that top shelf, so I remember climbing up there and finding random trash and shit…and I also found an old black and white military picture of a young man…I remember showing it to my roommates and thinking that was a weird thing for someone to leave behind, and neither I nor my ex-roommates can remember what we did with that picture, even to this day. It might sound crazy, but part of me swears it’s the man whose spirit stuck around our apartment. But I could be wrong. It’s just weird to me that most of the experiences seemed to happen in the hallway that connected the living room to my bedroom, and that’s where the closet with the picture was.

Sorry long ass answer :P

Put a Number in my Ask

[sanguinesprout]

Uhhh welp... *derps x2* (Update and some past therapy and college/uni talk)

I really wanted to write a post but at the same time I’m not feeling very well and feel like the effort to do so might drain me even more. Maybe I’ll try write it more brief, since all my previous posts end up so hella long lol. 

Anyways, on monday was what I thought would be a therapy session but it was in fact another referral consultation, but I still poured all my truthful feelings and fears out. I feel kinda proud I didn’t kind of hold back or soften the things I said as much as I usually would (though I still stumbled over some words and blanked a little, but it’s okay!). Also I wasn’t as nervous as I thought I’d be, I was just so focused on trying to give the consultant all the relevant information possible and almost went overtime in my super fired up blabby confession moment lol. She noted it all down and said she’d speak with her supervisor and decide where or who best to refer me to and be in contact by the end of the week.

I literally told her so many things that I would have a hard time telling anyone or even writing here. I began with the avoidant stuff and then kinda veered off into my super paranoid-ness troubles and a little on dependent-ness, it was... ugh... real difficult to talk about it without feeling like a fool but I also mentioned how I’ve been trying really hard to rationalise things and be more positive and stuff and for someone to acknowledge and sort of praise that felt nice. I also pulled out some of the most random and uncomfortable situations from my past to give as examples for things and it was uh... I struggled a bit and felt awkward a little but she was very sympathetic and nice! :> 

When she asked what my perception of myself was, as I mentioned I have a low view of myself, I said what I thought (and it was only a few adjectives of the negative kind, but they were strong words... I guess I am being too hard on myself, but I can’t help it when it’s all I can see of myself :c) and she was a little surprised and said not many people would be able to say it so bluntly *laughs nervously and burrows head in the sand*. I made sure to get across that I’m very sensible about my actions and have been trying my best to improve and that I have a lot of hope to get better and she said this was good too ^^ There was a lot of other stuff but it’s too much effort to write down and remember lol. I’m not sure what she makes of all the stuff I said and what the supervisor will say about it, I just hope it goes in the right direction and stuff ahhh >< (Also that they don’t ask to see my blog because I did happen to mention it... they wouldn’t though right...? Like to make me conquer my fears or something ;w; ...Even if they did (unlikely) I could say no, don’t worry silly self!)

No obligations! My new mantra XD (Idek know if I’m using the right word but oh well, it works for me so imma use it! lololol~) Getting stuff off the chest and having your problems acknowledged really does feel like a weight has been lifted slightly hoo~ I feel a little bit more motivated and willing to disclose my fears and keep pushing to improve too ^^ 

I went to the supermarket after that with my sis who drove me to and from the appointment and I browsed around at a super leisurely pace. Maybe it was the sort of motivation boost from letting off the steam at the consultation that allowed me to roam around feeling less conscious of the other shoppers than I usually do, it was nice. I did still feel awk sometimes squeezing past people and sort of hovering around them cause I wanted to look at something but I persisted and I got to peruse as much as I wanted >:D

I said I didn’t want the post to get long but I thought why not write a little about my past therapy experiences since this post is about therapy, so here I go~! :U

In college I went to see a therapist lady about my ‘social anxiety’. I don’t remember the details before that, it was probably me finally acknowledging I was genuinely having a hard time with socialising or fitting in wherever I am and constantly being anxious around others that prompted me to get help. It’s likely I read some shizz off the internet then too lol. I think in school before that I would converse and confide in a friend who also had similar feelings but when it got to college I hardly saw them because their schedule was like the opposite of mine. The line between friends and classmates, it kinda becomes clear once you stop being together out of convenience (of the same class times and such).

The friendships I had and were grateful for just gradually faded and I guess my lack of initiative (or fear) to continue communication outside just made it even more inevitable. It’s okay though, people move on and people change, especially in the case of when people move to far away locations too. They have their life to live however and with whoever they want, and I have mine (which is terrible but... maybe it won’t be later on). I do miss them and I miss the time I spent in school with them, but what I hope most is that they are all happy and doing well c: There’s a lot more I’d want to write, but this post isn’t about that. There’s plenty of time to reminisce, remedy and maybe even reconnect with them someday later on.

Anyways, I can’t remember anything too detailed with the therapy there except we talked some and she game some sort of worksheets with some tasks to help me acknowledge my feelings and fears and to try expose myself to them little by little. I don’t think I got that far with that or maybe it’s because I chose to start seeing her so close to the end of my time at college that well the sessions obviously didn’t continue for long, I don’t think I went more than a small handful of times. 

Something else I remember from probably one of my first talks with her, is that she asked me what I would wish for (or where I’d wish to live?? idk too long ago to remember) if I could, and I said something like to live in a normal house like everyone else lol. Idk I was envious of the cosy homes my friends, relatives and families on tv have that were so different from my own, more modern and homely unlike mine which is so old, unconventional and constantly noisy because my parents workplace is aside it. (Maybe the work place and home being so close makes it hard for my parents to sort of separate their work mindset and leisure time and that’s why they can never sort of relax and why I can never be comfortable idk.) Uh well anyways, she replied that it was such a humble(?) modest(??) wish... uh I’m really not sure of the right word to use to describe it or what she said exactly but basically it was indicating my wish was not like the extravagant sort of things other people would probably wish for. My wish (though I can’t remember the exact context leading up to asking about it) was in essence to be normal and have a normal environment and I guess that still stands, though I do have bigger dreams now too, but still not the overly extravagant kind haha. Idek what I was trying to say in this paragraph lol *goldfish memory*.

Also something else during college time, is that I went to this breathing exercise help thing which was supposedly supposed to help people who are anxious in exams or something but I just went in hope it might help me in general. It literally was just listening to some relaxing nature sounds and seeing some matching imagery while having your pulse tracked at the same time and I sucked at it and didn’t really improve much lol XD It was supposed to help you regulate your breathing and stuff but I just probably got more anxious about it. I wonder if it is anxiety that has been causing me all sorts of worrisome chest related problems, as they have persisted till now more than a decade later unresolved and still causing me bother. This is one of the health problems out of many which I have been trying to get to the bottom of and fix in the recent years, it’s really unsettling not knowing what’s really wrong or how to fix it ugh. Maybe I’ll write about it in a separate post another time (always putting off stuff ahhh, but I guess it makes sense to here), I’ve actually been trying real hard and gone through quite a lot of things in effort to resolve things, I’m kind of proud of myself for doing so but I need to continue to persevere.

Hmm... okay now for the therapist I went to in university. I can’t remember the exact thing that prompted me to start going or how I came to know of it, but it was probably the similar feelings of struggling and needing guidance and idk reading posters or some info booklets maybe. I know I started going later than I could have again and stopped going completely because... well, I ended up dropping out of Uni altogether :c I was struggling so badly, the anxiety, the depression etc. just made it so difficult to sleep, concentrate or understand anything and just being there unnerved me so much. I still regret it and feel like such a failure, but university isn’t for everyone anyways, I just chose to go because it is the typical thing to do after college (but a degree doesn’t guarantee work or anything so bleeeh~)

The therapist I was appointed was a guy and he was nice and this will sound really ridiculous and I feel real bad thinking this, but something about the way he looked reminded me of an army sergeant and it made me extra uncomfortable and intimidated. It was just so hard to unsee and also the fact he is a guy like I mentioned earlier make me unsettled (I’m even more insecure around guys) Dx Also I remember talking about some of my female related physical problems as I was going to doctors trying to sort stuff back then too (still partially unresolved now ugh) and well uh... it was so awks but he said he could understand and relate because his daughter had the same problem, he would share some stories about her other times too and I guess it was kind of nice, it helped me to see him more as a softer father type person rather than an army sergeant I guess lol.

Anyways that’s not important! One of the things I distinctly remember about my sessions there, is that one of his earlier sort of tasks was to write down what I thought of myself on a paper. I took the paper and I drew a simple scrawl of myself with an unhappy face and next to it (or in a speech bubble) I wrote ‘I hate myself’ and without looking up, I cried onto it... :< (I wonder how many times therapists have to see people cry a week or even a day ><) He gave me a sympathetic look and I don’t remember what else happened that session, probably just talked about some more basic stuff about myself and some positive thinking advice.

Another thing I found memorable is that he told me ‘you are the one that knows yourself best’ and it really stuck with me. There was also a kind of ‘you are the only one that can change yourself/you are the one that can help yourself most’ kind of phrase (but I can’t remember the exact wording) and before that he would use a sort of metaphorical situation and ask me what I would do. The one for this phrase was something about being out at sea/or a pool and needing help... *blank blank something something* ...uh I can’t remember the rest of the details and I don’t think I should guess because I made a whole lotta nonsense in the other paragraph before lol. Again it feels kind of unreal, like I was a different person then or that I’m seeing it from a different perspective... I wonder if it’s dissociation or something, it just feels so strange ><

Oh also this is semi-irrelevant but I went to have Dyslexia tests at both college and uni also (my friend that already went recommended me to go). I just wanted to know why I was struggling so bad, why I had so much trouble with concentrating, taking in info and all that stuff. Maybe I’ll write about the outcome of these and where they lead me another time (ugh) when I write about all my other health focused posts. I’ll just mention again that so many things in mental health and function overlap and that it’s so difficult to discern the definitive reasons for things, the diagnosis I got was...eh... and I took it with a grain of salt pretty much (and btw my family/relatives weren’t all that convinced or supportive of this or when I had a diagnosis of depression which was... well it wasn’t great). I’m glad I had the courage to go to these too because it did help me to understand myself and work a tiny bit more efficiently, but I guess my avpd-ness prevented me from wanting to use the stuff and advice they gave me in class and well, it was already kind of too late to sort of salvage what little motivation I had then and try continue.

Uh... that was hella negative. But I guess that’s basically all I remember about those things. I started writing this post on monday but well I guess I had more to write about than I thought and I didn’t have enough time alone to think about it and write it lol. I’ll finish this post by mentioning some of my more positive things from yesterday ^^ I phoned the mobile provider of this phone I bought recently and returned to get some details on my return. I’ve put this off for a few days already and wasn’t going to try, but I pushed myself to and yay I got the answer I wanted (though I could have said my question a bit more straight forward in the beginning instead but in the end I got there, so it’s okay xD). The past year or so I’ve called the doctors and my phone provider the most probably lol. About why I returned the phone... I just really wanted a new phone because mine is so old and frustratingly dysfunctional, but I changed my mind about the one I got and decided to wait to get another one. Indecision and impulse buying at it’s best yo~~~

Also I emailed an enquiry to a seller about some problem I had with some product bought from Amazon (which I’ve also been putting off). In general I feel I’ve been trying harder to not let that ‘oh no someone’s gonna judge me’ feeling from stopping me do some small things I wanted to do, like listen to this derpy old cd I found on my living room stereo just before and commenting on some things online (with my cheesy jokes and over enthusiastic complimenting as usual lol *facepalm*). Also thinking more positively about things like, when you feel you weren’t successful, it’s best not to beat yourself up about it, at least you tried and you can try again and it might be even better than previously. Like with this post, I didn’t finish it on monday or yesterday like I wanted, but there’s no point feeling down or mad at myself for it (I mean it was my own choice really and my fear stopping me, but it’s not gonna help to be overly harsh to myself about it) and since I’m continuing it now anyways, it’s no big deal. It wasn’t mandatory for me to finish it, I shouldn’t worry about it, no obligations! ^^ I hope I can keep it up and keep pushing out of my comfort zone too! 

Ze end~! Must go do something more productive! Let’s go~! :3