#been able to think up some solutions for bits i've been stuck on in other fics too

[causticsunshine]

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[cheerstotheelites-if]

Life Update

I'm not dead, ya'll—

As you've noticed, I've been real quiet here and my last post was back in July. Uh, yikes. 😬

So, where have I been these past few months?

WELL, for starters, I've been busy with college since I managed to get back in (love you, grandma), and I've been busy making up for my bad grades because I had to repeat a year and retake some subjects I failed. So... there's that.

Second reason is that I experienced the worst dose of Depression in my life. It was last summer, and I wasn't happy and disappointed with myself and where my life was going at the time. It came to a point that I couldn't take care of myself proplerly (really bad sleep schedule, insomnia, refusing to eat to the point that I look so wasted, not wanting to take care of myself in general) and it went to a moment where I wanted to commit suicide, because I felt so ashamed of, well, me and my own failures. I had a note ready and everything, already committed to do the deed. Though, in the end, I'm lucky and grateful for the people that never gave up on me and helped me get out of that void. My Depression is still there, but I'm doing better now and hopefully continue to improve on that.

Speaking of, writing has been on hold because of that, writer's block, and dissatisfaction on my work. I like where Chapter 1 is going now, but at the same time I can't help but think that there should be something more and that the plot that follows after doesn't feel right to me. Though thankfully I've come up with a solution during my hiatus.

It's a rewrite. The answer is a rewrite. 💀

Not a full on rewrite, but just a few changes to the plot beats I initially had in mind. I'm not going to change Chapter 1, because for the life of me I won't be able to rewrite 26k+ words and the implemented code in Twine without getting a headache or two. But I will edit it a bit to make it flow better. Hopefully I'll be able to make some huge progress and update the demo soon in the near future.

In other news, I've been working on other things like that Discord server that's way overdue. I feel a bit more confident in being able to manage and handle a server, so I might as well try, right?

Sneak peek for the curious minded:

I'm still planning to add more things, besides needing to digitize the custom emojies of the RO's and Emery. Maybe a few more roles and channels will be added, but Imma see where that takes me.

I've been dabbling back in digital art too, albeit few because of my busy schedule and I am working on Halloween art of the RO's that will be posted soon. Nothing too big, but here ya go.

Aislinn and Lothric, oh how I've missed you both. 🥹

On the final piece of news, I'm working on commissions! Well, commission since it's only one for now, but I am thankful regardless. I am planning to open up headshot commissions and smaller, cheaper 500~1k word drabble commissions somewhere in the future. Though for now, if you wanna pay me $10 to write a 2k~3k drabble of your OC and another character from Cheers, then feel free to head over to my Kofi in the pinned post to commission me!

So, um, that's that. For now anyway, and I'm very excited to be able to work on this again after so long.

For those who has stuck around and has been patiently waiting, thank you so much for being here and for being so kind. I really am grateful and thankful.

– L 🫴🖤

[cookies-over-yonder]

"... In that moment, you, and Taylor, and Nick all realize that there is no fixing this. That this is as good as it's going to get. That you are all stuck with each other in the forms that you are now. You see daddy magic—that same daddy magic that exited Ron and Terry's body, emanate from their bodies like a fine mist, coalesce into the air, and then zip into the jar and fill it up a little bit more because that's what your relationship is."

The Close Family and Closure: An Analysis and Breakdown of Taylor's Issues in Hell or High Father

...and the way he addresses and, in Taylor fashion, downplays the problem, and denies its lack of solution.

(I have transcribed the majority of this scene, and below the cut is my line-by-line breakdown and analysis, as well as some other tid-bits.)

hello! ever since i got into dndads, taylor has been my favourite. i found his extreme escapism and dumb confidence fascinating, and as you may know, i love finding scenarios for him to break. it's, like, at least half of my fics at this point.

this episode is my favourite episode, it broke me, and it pieced me back together but Wrong in all the right ways.

this analysis is focusing on the taylor of it all. the motivation behind his words and the changes in his cadence and the denial that still, despite everything, refuses to fade.

i've never written an analysis post structured like this, so do let me know if you like it. i just... i really love taylor.

okay, let's go!

1. "Well...''

Nicky: … I didn't see a lot of Taylor's growing up and that was—that was fi—like we're cool now right, Taylor? Taylor: Fuck yeah dawg— Nicky: See?

to start off, taylor's instinctive answer is to agree with nicky. because well, yeah, they're chill now, that's true, so of course the first thing he does is agree. and i gotta say that i was expecting taylor to leave it at that, because he's not one to dig deeper when he doesn't need to, and even when he does.

Taylor: Well…

taylor says this immediately after his first answer and oh ny god i got SO excited. but this ain't about me. anyway. taylor finally admitting that they're actually not 100% cool is such a big fucking step argh i am so proud of him forever and also so sad for him forever...

Nicky: What? Look, I'm back now, and I'm super tight, and we hang out, and we can do samurai shit together, and we're fuckin'—we're tight as fuck.

this part makes me so sad because nicky is so ignorant to how his absence has affected taylor despite his frustrations at glenn for not being there. and also, this sort of reasoning would have worked on convincing taylor back in early season two. in fact, it did!

[Season 2 Episode 10: Dad Me To Hell]

taylor is completely satisfied with this reason because it feeds into his main character syndrome. his dad left to protect him. what better reason is there? and now he's back and there and able to do cool shit with him, so everything is perfect, right?

but the next thing taylor says is so fucking heartbreaking:

Taylor: If I'm gonna be honest, Dad, I've kinda been hoping and keeping an eye out for time travel magic so that we could go back in time, and you could be there for me.

the way he trails off as he says it, and he loses his confidence in his words... it shows an unfamiliar shyness. we've never seen taylor be this vulnerable before. and to think that he'd been holding out hope for time travel magic to fix his childhood? that perfectly aligns with the idea that taylor is so stuck in his anime escapist fantasy that he can't accept what's real. and magic is real, so therefore he must be able to fix his past, right? it's not impossible for there to be time travel (see. end of season 1 + see. attack on titanic.) but taylor doesn't realize that this is something that can't be fixed so easily, even if that magic were available. he doesn't believe that this can't be fixed. more on this later.

Nicky: [grunts and falls] Uh… um… I didn't know you felt that way. Taylor: Yeah, you know, it's just, when I was practicing my jutsus I could have used some pointers. Nicky: Yeah, but like— Taylor: As a result, I've developed a number of very bad habits that I'm told are very hard to break. And, you know, just watching YouTube videos is not the same as having a dad who can fight.

in the past, taylor has used anime to cope with his absent father, and he relied on the fictional characters to bring him the same comfort a father might bring (this was mentioned by freddie in one of the teen talks and while i've been relistening i've yet to find it. do forgive me as i am merely mortal) while this isn't directly referring to that, i still feel it's worth mentioning, as taylor is confronting his own unhealthy coping mechanism and acknowledging that no, youtube videos aren't a replacement for a dad. he couldn't fill the absence of a father with anything else in his life no matter how hard he tried.

also, taylor is smart. he knows that he has unhealthy coping mechanisms or "bad habits" that he can't break and he knows that they're caused by nicky's absence. i just wonder how long he's been stewing over that, you know?

as shown earlier, when taylor first met nicky and found out why he wasn't there, he accepted it immediately, knowing it was the coolest reason for a father to be absent and only fueled his protagonism.

but now, taylor's confronting his own issues surrounding nicky, and explicitly addressing them to nicky.

*wipes a tear*

i'm so proud of him.

Nicky: Wha—I mean, if it's training you want, we can train you, and like, you see your grandpa there— Taylor: [sighs] It's too late. I needed to start when I was three to five years old like true ninja warriors.

there is something so cutting about the way taylor says it's too late. he's talking about training to be a ninja warrior on the surface, yes, but that's not it.

it's too late. it's too late for nicky to witness his upbringing. it's too late for taylor to grow up with a loving father figure. it's too late.

and taylor knows that, and he's saying it, but he's still masking it with it being about training to become a ninja when in reality it's so much more.

this is just one example of the way he downplays the issue. he zeroes in on just one aspect of his life that nicky wasn't a part of, and speaks as if it's the main issue, when really it's only the tip of the iceberg, so to speak.

Nicky: Oh, well, I mean— Taylor: So I'm already trying to play catch-up a little bit, but you know, I guess it's water under the bridge. But you know, if there is time travel magic, then you know, maybe, or if you find it, you could maybe… pick me up on the way back… to the past, and you know maybe we could do childhood all over again.

taylor is playing catch-up with training, but he's also playing catch-up with having a father in his life.

and again, he downplays it, says it's water under the bridge, when it's so very clear how deeply this has been affecting him his entire life.

and to top it all off, he brings up time travel again. and the way he says this is so un-taylorlike it's jarring. the uncertainty of the maybes, the trailing off, the voice so quiet you almost can't hear it...

he thinks there's still a chance to redo it and fix things, but i feel that deep down he knows it's impossible, that it doesn't work like that, and yet he's still grasping at straws to try and make things better.

it's... it's really sad. i feel really sad for him.

and the way he says he wants to redo childhood. as opposed to only talking about training, here he actually says he wants to do childhood all over again, and it's so, so quiet. and taylor is never shy. it's so clear how badly he's hurting over this.

god. okay.

2. "I didn't even know where you were."

Glenn: So we're cool. Nicky: So, we're cool. Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nicky: We're just three cool guys. Taylor: Well…

i love how taylor isn't backing down on the fact that nicky fucked him up. like the gates are open and they can't close back up that easily. he's not accepting them just being three cool guys.

Taylor: Well, I'm just saying—you know, I could have, y'know—not to put too fine a point on it, but Dad, I would have appreciated if, you know… I didn't even know where you were. I 23&me-d my ass, and they sent me a picture of fire, and the cops showed up! There was a white van parked outside of our house for three years!

again, i really notice the change in the way taylor speaks, he's more unsure, quieter, and uses more filler words (such as "y'know"), and it feels as if he feels bad about making nicky confront his faults as a father but he's pushing through it anyway, because he has to.

and i absolutely love the throwback to episode ONE with the 23&me test! like this had been brewing from the start! i just think it's fantastic for it all to build up to this. like yeah. taylor didn't know WHO nicky was or WHERE nicky was and trying to figure it out only led to more danger for him.

Nicky: [gets on one knee and puts his hand on Taylor's shoulder] I guess I never got to properly apologize to you, did I?

Taylor: Well, an apology won't really turn back time, and I don't know how I feel—I would rather have the time travel magic.

this is so cutting. like, yeah, an apology won't cut it, and taylor immediately circles back to time travel magic, as if it could fix what's broken when it really, really can't.

i also find the trend of time when it comes to the close boys to be very fascinating. glenn got locked up in time prison, nicky's childhood was split into two timelines, and taylor thinks time travel can fix his broken relationship with his father?

god damn.

Nicky: Well, I didn't even get to explain—I was in Hell. I was worried that these fuckers [pointing at the other kiddads]— Taylor: Yeah, those fuckers. Nicky: —would have chased after me if I'd gotten out of hell. Taylor: So you're telling me that these fuckers kept you away from me all these years? Nicky: Yeah, you know what? It was these motherfuckers! They are the reason I didn't get to spend time with you because they betrayed me! Taylor: That makes sense; I just saw the memory! Yeah, yeah!

thinking about how taylor immediately agrees with nicky in blaming the others for his absence, because, well, yeah, shit's complicated and they are definitely part of the reason, but the fact that taylor is so on board of whole heartedly blaming them after chewing into his dad about not being there is just so sad. like yeah, of course he doesn't want to be upset at nicky. and it hurts so much that he is.

god.

oh my god.

okay, now, i didn't transcribe the entirety of taylor's memory, i actually summarized it and quoted some key aspects of it, so here:

Taylor's first belt ceremony. He's performing, and he finishes, and he bows, and he looks up. His mom is there. He's sniffling a bit and Cass asks him if he's okay and comments on how he moved all the way up to green belt, and he says he knows. He looks over to the kid who was supposed to get green belt but didn't because of him. The kid is whining, and then his dad comes in and gives him a big hug and—

"It's okay son, I saw how hard you worked, and in my eyes, you're a black belt. Come on, let's get ice cream."

The kid says thanks and they hug and then they leave and Taylor watches them leaving through the window and sees the child and father and mother smiling together. Taylor looks down at and then throws away his green belt.

"I think I'm done with karate."

Taylor gets kicked out.

that line that the father said to his child really hit me, because taylor never heard nicky say that to him. ever. and that was all that he wanted, really. like, "i saw how hard you worked," as in, i was there, watching you, practicing with you, supporting you, i saw you, i see you, i'm here, i'm here with you. and "in my eyes, you're a black belt," in my eyes, you've worked so hard, in my eyes, you deserve more than what you got, in my eyes, you're strong, in my eyes, you're capable.

things nicky never saw, and things nicky never told him.

and then, well, taylor quits.

a memory defining taylor's relationship with nicky. a memory where he wasn't there. a memory where he didn't see taylor's growth. a memory where taylor gave up on an ambition. a memory of absence.

anyways.

Nicky: I'm really sorry— Taylor: I'm kind of sensing a pattern here to be honest. Nicky: Yeah, I'm thinking that maybe the things that your granddad did, I do now. I'm thinking maybe I fucked up in the exact same way… Taylor: [lays a hand on Nicky] I think you fucked up in the same way too. Nicky: Okay. Well that's good. That's good for us.

god. oh my god. the fuckign pattern. i'm so sorry this part makes me lose my coherency all i can think of is how sad it makes me idk idk guys im sorry. you get it. taylor saying yeah you fucked up in the same way and nicky learning that and accepting it. oh my fucking god. like. i dont know theres something about the acceptance of it that really gets me. at the start of the conversation nicky denied it, and here he is, after seeing a memory of taylor doing something he wasn't there for, and now he's like yeah, yeah. i did fuck up royally.

3. "...there is no fixing this."

Glenn: What if we started over? What if we tried to kinda give it a little bit of a reset, and try and make some new memories together, as this sort of team of three? What do you think about that? Is it stupid? I dunno.

Nicky: What kinda memories are you talking about?

Glenn: Well I was thinking we all go to Disneyland, the happiest place on earth, and start everything off on the right foot! It's been so long since I've been to Disneyland, and, I dunno, let me show you all the secrets. Let me show you all the hidden Mickeys. I never got to show Taylor how to get over nine-hundred-thousand points on the Buzz Lightyear ride. And you! Nick, I never showed you the secret entrance into Club 33 that only I know about, and it requires you to go through the sewers a little bit.

I mean, what do you say? Maybe we can do something about this whole fucked up Close family. Maybe we could bring it on back a little bit. What do you guys think?

Nicky: Yeah, sure, yeah I mean, I like Disneyland as much as the next guy. What do you think Taylor?

Taylor: What's Disneyland? I don't understand, what's Disneyland?

now listen, i know that taylor not knowing what disneyland is was just because of the whole doodlerized world thing, but i feel like it also really highlights the disconnect here. like, glenn wasn't around much in nick's life but they knew each other and yes glenn went to disneyland without nick a lot and yes nick liked universal better and if i got into their relationship it would take far too long and i don't feel particularly equipped to tackle that which is why i'm focusing on taylor, but i think that taylor asking what disneyland is highlights the disconnect between him and nicky. nicky and glenn are talking about something that taylor is completely lost on, and to me it really shows the disconnect between all of them. first off, nicky likes universal studios better than disney, second of all, taylor doesn't even know what disneyland is. they grew up in different realms, and they grew up around different people, and nicky was never there, which means there's so much taylor knows that nicky doesn't, and so much nicky knows that taylor doesn't and so much of that knowledge and those experiences can never or will never be shared.

Nicky: Oh yeah, good point, I guess it's on a previously Doodlerized world now with a bunch of really fucked up shit in it.

Glenn: I'm just saying that like—give me a chance. Give me a chance to try and make up for all the—well—you know what? No, no, no, no, no, I can't make up for any of that stuff.

it's true. this solution is like putting icing on top of an overdone cupcake. temporarily sweet but it's still bitter and burnt. (i'm sorry if that doesn't make sense, i don't bake.) but like when you burn something you can't just. un-burn it. sure you can put icing and sprinkles and all the fun stuff and maybe you can wash out the taste but that doesn't change the state of what's underneath.

that's their relationship to me.

Anthony: As you're saying this, without even wanting it to, tears are rolling down your cheeks, and in that moment, you, and Taylor, and Nick all realize that there is no fixing this. That this is as good as it's going to get. That you are all stuck with each other in the forms that you are now. You see daddy magic—that same daddy magic that exited Ron and Terry's body, emanate from their bodies like a fine mist, coalesce into the air, and then zip into the jar and fill it up a little bit more because that's what your relationship is.

ah yes, finally, we reach the end.

this is what their relationship is. it's comprised of missing connections and missed experiences and misplaced memories and absences and longing and searching and finding one another only for it to be too late. it is comprised of absence as opposed to love or hate or anything in between. the nothingness that is absence is their relationship

how depressing.

if i'm honest, i think nicky still has a chance. obviously he can't fix anything with taylor, but i really do hope that he tries to be proactive in taking part in taylor's life from here on out, that is, if taylor even survives this next episode, oooh scary.... hahaha anyways.

i hope everyone enjoyed this essay! i started writing it the day the episode came out but schoolwork kinda took over me.

i wanted to get it out before this episode's teen talk so that's why i finished it tonight, but i may reblog with more thoughts, who knows! we'll see! :3c

i do also encourage you guys to check out my art for this episode specifically inspired by that last anthony quote there.

and of course my thoughts are not the objective truth, i am a mere university student, ignoring my school essays to write one for tumblr <3

bye-bye! <3 :3c

[poisonouspastels]

Anon forgot time exists. I would really love to hear more about Groda's transition from antagonist to basically house cat! Her character really fascinates me and I love a good redemption arc.

Hey no worries at all!! I've actually been talking to Atlas a lot abt Groda lately (he's #1 Groda fan I'm pretty sure) so I can actually copy/paste some of the stuff I've talked abt previously! And to anyone who needs to do some additional catch up reading, I talk about a lot of her past history here, and a bit about more recent (but also still past) events here. But!!! Talking about her (rather long) transitional period specifically, that pretty much started the moment that she got (unwillingly) taken home by the main 4 players after her defeat. Given she held Rana hostage for a few days, among other things, fair's fair. The main focus point though was after everyone getting back to somewhat decent health, Herobrine using his magic was able to find a way to block Groda from using it on her own, hence creating a longer term solution than just having her tied up forever effectively. Groda, without her magic, is a goddamn sitting duck. No Wardens, no turning people to stone, no way to fight back other than a half-hearted slap fight at best. Unfortunately her loss of the ability to use magic ALSO means almost no one could understand her anymore. Previously, thanks to her magic, the Galactic language was basically auto-translated to the players as Commonspeak (her lips actually wouldn't fully sync up with words she spoke, something that was noted by Rana during her time stuck with her in the caves), but now she'd only be reduced to Galactic at its purest form. Fortunately due to Herobrine's self-taught learning of the language (albeit a VERY butchered version of it being self taught), he at least was able to still understand her and communicate in some regard. Or perhaps you could consider that unfortunate for him, given the only weapons Groda had left to use was her words, and he had to be the brunt of actually understanding that and teaching her Commonspeak. On the contrary, soon after this revelation Rana would try and learn Galactic to try and make Groda more comfortable with the current circumstance and maybe feel more motivated to put in the effort. She's not very good at it, but it's the thought that counts! Groda did pick up rather quickly on Commonspeak though, since it and Galactic aren't too far apart in translation. Once she picked up enough on the language to be able to communicate basics (and maybe curse words she would pick up on from Alex), she would soon be getting her hands dirty for once in her life and actually doing field work with Rana, not only to carry her own weight in chores but also to get her more in touch with the new world and being an actual PERSON after her long lived royal life. With time, learning more of Commonspeak and taking in the world around her with the people who were willing to even TRY and help her change for the better, she started to realize more and more how badly her actions managed to inadvertently fuck everything up. How much the world had changed because of what she unleashed, and the weight of her actions fully dawning on her. Which I give this important note of Groda's characterization to:

She gets better slowly with time of course, its all just taken day by day and she learns more and more to do things for herself and to help those around her. I think one of my favorite turning points for her though is when Rana and Herobrine bring home a Sniffer egg they found in some old wreckage at sea. (Sniffers being a species in this instance that went extinct because of the Wither being unleashed by her) Groda is dumbfounded to see the thing even intact at ALL, and hesitant to hope that it may still harbor life at all, but she does take it upon herself to care for it until it does indeed eventually hatch! She names him Bear :)

Thank @beegswaz for the art of them together im obsessed with it Another important arc for her character, arguably the most important one is when she's spotted by the Wither Cult and is eventually pursued directly by White Eyes upon her finding out that Groda is still alive. Upon the (deadly) confrontation between White Eyes and the main 4 + Groda, she shows her truest colors:

After the dust settles, White Eyes is brought home much like the same way Groda once was (albeit unconscious this time around) and a way to free her of the Wither's influence will eventually be found. And though the mere sight of Groda brings her to a rage even now (very understandable), Groda takes some solace in the fact that she for once can think with 100% unbiased confidence that she did the right thing.

[coolcattime]

Ambulance Chaser [OC AU Snippet]

Hi hi!

This is a little snippet from an OC AU that me and my friend @theiratlas brainstorm about. We have quite a few AUs that we discuss a lot, but I've always felt a little nervous about sharing cause like sharing my OCs is a little bit anxiety inducing, but I wrote this scene and I felt very proud of it and wanted to share it!

This is an scene from a JoJo's Bizarre Adventure AU we've been discussing where this particular scene just got stuck in my head. It's meant to be the intro scene of kind of the 2nd act of the story but I hope it's still enjoyable to read out of context! (Also big thank to Atlas for editting and their little additions)

If you have any questions, I'm super happy to answer cause I always love rambling about OCs ^-^

Content warning for description of injuries and mild body horror.

He felt like he was going insane. Maybe he was, honestly at this point it would make more sense than what was in front of him. The doctor was scrambling to make sense of anything really, trying to give what little explanation he had to the person on the other end of the phone, hoping they could be of any kind of assistance. He couldn't believe it himself, that he, Rhys Mourningdove, hadn't come up with any information in weeks. What was particularly frustrating to him however was that he knew there must be some obvious explanation he was just missing.

He hadn't exactly been asked to do any kind of investigation, to look into the odd happenings at the hospital. It was more that he just couldn't stop thinking about it so took it upon himself to look. What was he meant to do when apparent miracle cures kept happening and no one had any sort of documentation, let alone explanations for how they had treated the patients. Rapid miracle cures that left patients not only better but as if they'd never been sick in the first place, completely ready to leave in a matter of hours, did not exist. If they did, Rhys is sure he would know about them, the world would know about them and be using them. It was infuriating that no one seemed to care just how weird it was, but him. 

As long as the press was good, he supposed, but he couldn't believe that no one found this suspicious but him.

"So your problem is that patients are being cured at the hospital?" The sceptical voice of the man Rhys had been connected with tinnily echoed through his office. He was really from the Speedwagon Foundation? He must be an idiot, Rhys thought. 

The voice on the phone introduced himself as Isaac Sharp, an accountant or an archivist or just someone who supposedly has a vested interest in making sure there wasn't anything suspicious going on at the hospital. Yet even as he had explained his findings, explained that people were getting cured with no logical explanation, the voice seemed to have absolutely no qualms with how things were going. 

"No, my problem isn't the recoveries, it's that no one seems to know how the patients are recovering, there's not even treatment plans for them, it's impossible," Rhys explained this for what felt like the hundredth time, resisting the expletive on the tip of his tongue. It was as if Isaac wasn't even listening or maybe he just didn't care. 

Rhys pushed his glasses up to briefly pinch the bridge of his nose. This wasn't how medicine worked. Someone on the medical teams treating the patients should be able to tell him the method that had been used. The handful of patients he'd managed to talk to before they'd been discharged had all recalled some kind of sting they described as being like an injection or a blood draw, usually within the hour before their miraculous recovery, but nothing of the sort had been documented even if a single miracle injection was any sort solution.

"Nothing's been documented, no aftercare has been scheduled or prescriptions written. This isn't like patients recovering, it's like they suddenly were never sick in the first place."

"Rhys."

"..." Rhys’s silence was pointed and chosen. 

"Doctor Mourningdove," Isaac said, more than a little exasperated by this phone call. His job was meant to be easy, he wasn't meant to get phone calls complaining that the hospital was working too well because that was a ridiculous thing to complain about. Yet here he was, dealing with a man that was beyond simple academic concerns, obsessed with the fact that patients were leaving a hospital happy and healthy. How had his life come to this? "I understand that it must be hard to see another doctor come into a similar position as you and get all the accolades you're used to receiving--"

"No!” He snapped down immediately “No, this isn't an ego thing."

It was a little bit of an ego thing. Rhys was a good doctor, most would describe him as a great one, but he certainly was not a person who did the job out of the goodness of his heart. He liked the praise he'd gotten, obviously he did, who wouldn't? Maybe someone new and apparently more brilliant coming onto the scene was the original reason he had begun looking into the so-called miracle recoveries, but that didn't change the facts of what he had discovered. 

"Logan Charles is a fraud! I don't know what he's doing to cure these patients, but he doesn't know a thing about medicine and I sincerely question whether he even has the credentials needed to call oneself a doctor!"

"Doctor Charles is successfully treating patients. He certainly isn't calling me to spread crackpot-nonsense conspiracy theories about a peer. Maybe you could learn something from him," He didn't sound nearly as forceful as he wanted to. Rhys certainly wasn't intimidated. But fine. Maybe he'd need to jump through a few more hoops to get the Speedwagon Foundation to actually listen to him even if Rhys still hadn't found any proof that their brand new miracle doctor had even attended medical school. He'd do this by himself.

"Fine, I'll go treat some patients right now."

"Why do you sound so aggressive?"

"..."

"Doct--" Rhys hung up the phone cutting Isaac off numbly, he had another led to follow who also happened to be a patient, which was good, he was pretty sure his break was over.

He wasn't sure if anyone praising the apparent miracle doctor had noticed, in fact he was pretty sure just that they hadn't, but at the same time as the last "incurable" patient was somehow magically cured, a young woman had fallen suddenly ill with the exact same illness despite having been completely healthy days beforehand. There was no way she wasn't somehow connected to this, even if he currently didn't have any idea how. Thankfully she was responding well to treatment, he just hoped that she would recover soon enough. Both for his own investigations, and the fact he'd been specially requested to be in charge of her care by the hospital's key donor not named Speedwagon. At least that meant no one was attempting to put any frauds on her medical team.

He turned to leave his office only to startle and stumble backwards as stood leaning against the doorframe of his office was “Dr.” Logan Charles, a shit-eating grin plastered on his dumb face. Rhys panicked. How much had he heard? The mass of muscle and ill fitting scrubs took a few steps inside, the door closing behind him. Rhys probably would have noted the door closing as if by a person despite there being no one around to do so but he was preoccupied by the cheap aftershave on legs swagging toward him. 

Logan finally stopped less than a step’s distance in front of Rhys’ thankfully wide desk, though it definitely didn't provide nearly enough of a barrier.

"So, I'm a fraud huh?" He said with far too wide a smile. His voice was low and far too calm. Before this moment, Rhys had assumed he could never be scared by Logan; irritated and frustrated certainly, he never exactly wanted to be near him, but fear was definitely a surprise. "Lot of pretty serious claims you have there, I mean how would I have even gotten a job here if I'm not a doctor?"

Rhys considered his options and chose to provoke the protein powder-keg in front of him. The reasons why still escape Rhys even now.

"I'm not sure you do have a job here actually. You just showed up one day as if you were meant to be here and everyone went along with it," It was not the most sound argument, but he couldn't figure out the trick. He knew that Logan must've been hired, but he couldn't imagine the man making it through any sort of vetting process without his glaring lack of medical knowledge rearing its ugly head. 

There was a single moment where Logan's smile dropped, it may have only been half a second, but it felt like an absolutely terrifying gotcha moment. But then that terrible feeling got worse. It was as if the “something” that had been clouding Rhys’s mind was suddenly lifted and now the starkly terrifying reality had set in.

Rhys stumbled back as the pieces connected in his head. Logan Charles didn't work here. Logan Charles probably wasn't even a doctor. Logan Charles had just appeared one day as if he was meant to be there after she…! He needed to get out of there. 

The realisation dawning on his face was not well hidden and the other man saw it.

Rhys took off in a sprint. Logan tried to grab him only to be met with a sharp pain in his right cheek. Stumbling back as Rhys fled into the common areas, Logan tore out a fountain pen from his cheek. So that's how it was? Sure, he'd come to put an end to the man, but he wasn't meant to realise anything. Stupid damn memory stand, never should've trusted anything he didn't set up himself. Well, the annoying doctor shouldn't be too hard to track down.

Clutching his new face hole, he walked down the corridor, spotting the door to the stairwell open.

“Probably headed for the fire exit, but there was no way he'd’ve made it out yet” Logan found himself narrating. Entering the stairs he could hear someone hurriedly heading down, and looking down the middle, there he was, Rhys attempting to make his escape. Logan smiled.

"Ambulance Chaser. Total Recovery."

Rhys didn't hear those words, nor did he see the stand summoned by Logan. All he felt was a stinging pain in his back and then the most overwhelming pain in every nerve ending in his central nervous system from his spine and his toes, to his gums and ear drums. It was a kind of terrible that's hard to describe especially when internally all he could do was scream. 

Rhys dropped immediately, falling down the flight of stairs he was currently running down, the pain of which he didn't notice, too overwhelmed by the ever-multiplying number of injuries spontaneously appearing with each second.

Doctor Rhys Mourningdove would be found less than a minute later barely conscious and be rushed to the hospital's emergency care. His wounds were more akin to that of a vehicular accident than anything that logically could've ended with a man being found on the hospital’s second floor stairwell. No one had any idea what could've caused such terrible injuries to appear, and it wasn’t certain that he’d even make a full recovery. 

Although Doctor Charles had volunteered to lead his care, clearly he would be in good hands. 

Unnoticed in all the chaos, a young man that had been admitted to the ER after a motorcycle accident was discharged in what could only be described as a miracle or a bizarre shared hallucination from the patient and paramedics alike. Despite the crash seeming severe, he walked away with no injuries, only a few cuts and bruises, his only memory between the crash and being wheeled out of the ambulance being that of a sharp pain akin to an injection.

[loumauve]

sometimes I forget that it is in fact not normal to have sudden social anxiety spikes after only two days spent inside, away from other people.

(the kind that make it near impossible to even just step in front of the door and walk downstairs to check the letterbox, much less leave for long enough to get groceries)

rest of a long thing under the cut bc I don't want to bother anybody with my introspection. but I wanted it to be there in case someone else struggles with this. idk. helps to not feel entirely alone in dealing with this shit

and paid time off is a curse sometimes, because it leads to weeks not going outside, which then starts the entire cycle I've been working on disrupting all over again. and I know that the only solution is actually going outside even if it's just for a bit, but fuck if it isn't the hardest thing in the world sometimes.

and it's so at odds with how people know me, generally, folks at work, friends for the most part, because I've gotten real good at pushing through and just doing the things that my body tells me are dangerous, but then I stay at home for three days and I just.. fall apart.

it's not as bad as it used to be, I'm better at at least taking out the trash if I need to, and if I can work myself up to it even ordering food instead of going without meals if things get too bad, but it takes so much energy to do any of those small, everyday things that I should just be able to do. idk

I never really went to therapy for it even if it's the mental-illness shit I've dealt with for the longest time. they diagnosed me when I was 14 and by then I had probably 14 years of ingrained, bad habits built up. and they recommended group therapy which in retrospect probably could have helped a lot, but to me (teen bullied by other teens who felt unsafe around pretty much anyone, even at home) it sounded like hell so I refused to go.

I can still remember my mum telling me that I would instead have to work on dealing with it myself, finding strategies to live with it, I guess. we would play silly games like labyrinth before I'd have to go to school, but I'd just cry through it all and then oftentimes circle back home when I knew everyone would be out. suffice to say I did find ways to push myself to do the things that felt like walking into fire, and it worked enough to a point where it just felt like holding my hand over a candle flame for a little too long. bearable if painful. and I guess I'm still stuck there.

trauma therapy helped me process some things and put others in perspective, enough to at least move on (never forgive or forget though, that I'll leave to the people with bigger hearts) and we worked through some of the hangups, but overall not much has changed nor do I think it would given more time and therapy.

like my grandmother I struggle to make myself do things that I know I should sometimes. (and the Innerer Schweinehund is too strong) at least if I don't technically need to do those things to survive. instead I'll eat plain rice for weeks on end. or candy from two years ago, or drink coffee and eat nothing for a week. which, I know, is disordered eating which in and of itself would probably benefit from more therapy, but I guess as long as my body can deal with it it's good enough as is.

[machifuwa]

Autumn Cafeteria | Episode 3

Tsukasa: In summary, we are working as Volunteers to help this place.

Yuuta: I see, so that's why you're all here.

But I'm a bit disappointed that even my seniors used to come here. I thought it was a hideout that only I knew of because there are never many customers no matter when I come.

Shu: I used to think the same way before. Because there are few people, it is calm and comfortable.

However, when I put myself in the position of the store, I realized that the number of customers is proportional to its profit.

Even though it's a holiday, this situation is simply terrible... It's not a viable business at all.

Koga: Even though you're just volunteers, seems like you guys still have time to talk to usーcutomers.

I mean, what about work? Is it okay for all three of you to be relaxed like this?

Shu: It's a bit of a bummer, but it's not a problem. As of now, you two are our only customers.

Yuuta: Oh, that's true. But there was another couple there just now.

Tsumugi: By the time I had brought the food to you two, they had already paid the bill and left afterwards.

Even though it's pretty busy during lunch time. It's still a lonely sight~.

Koga: …So, how's that workin' out for you? Do you guys know how to solve this, huh?

Yuuta: Why is Oogami-senpai acting like he's in charge?

Koga: I didn't mean to meddle, but I'm pretty sure you're also curious about all this, ain'tcha?

Tsumugi: We've been looking for ways to improve the café while we work, but we haven't thought of any good ideas so far.

The menu has a wide variety of items, the prices and tastes are perfect, and the customer satisfaction is high.

The only thing wrong is the location. If this store could be moved to the front street with just a "bang," it would be an immediate solution.

Tsukasa: As expected, it's difficult. We don't have any more land left to move this place…

Tsumugi: No no, I'm just kidding. Don't take it seriously.

Shu: What are you doing, teasing a serious child, Aoba?

Tsumugi: I was trying to make the situation more relaxed~. After all, we won't gain anything staying still like this.

Yuuta: Is that so? I can't believe they're closing, even though I found a great hideout. I'd hate to see it go down the drain without being able to do anything about it...

I don't have any good ideas. But can I help you?

Shu: Umu, you are very much welcome. This place means a lot to me too.

Koga: Dammit. This reminds me of "Special Music Zone".

Seems like the number of closed shops and collapsed buildings increased due to the influence of ES over there, too.

Yuuta: So, this means Oogami-senpai will be joining us.

Koga: Haa? Why would I?

Yuuta: Eh, am I wrong? In the spring, when I was making a fuss about helping the live music clubs in the "Special Music Zone".

"I'll help you," you offered. So I was expecting that you would cooperate with me this time again.

Koga: Ah…Well, since I've stuck my head in so far, I can't just ignore it, huh?

Yuuta: Really? Fufu, Oogami-senpai is very caring, isn't he?

Koga: Shut up. Don't be comfortable just cuz there are more people. It's all meaningless if you don't have any ideas.

Tsumugi: Even if there are volunteers like us, there are no customers and this place is deserted in the first place.

We're still having a lot of free time, and now that we've increased to five people, we're going to have a lot more...

Aah, yes. If you guys don't mind, Yuuta-kun, Koga-kunーand Suou-kun, can you three inspect the site?

Tsukasa: Inspect?

Tsumugi: If we all stay stuck here, we'll just end up wasting time, so I think it might be a good idea for you to visit other stores to gain some insight.

I want you to leave this place to me and Shu-kun.

Tsukasa: Hah...I understand. Oogami-senpai, Yuuta-kun. I'm looking forward to working with you.

Yuuta: Yeah, same here! What are you going to wear? Are you just going as you are?

Tsukasa: No, I'm going to go change. Could you give me some time?

Koga: Alright. We'll wait for you outside.

Yuuta: See you later~!

Alrighty then, we're off for a visit!

Tsumugi: Take care~.

Shu: ...It's such a pity. I had no idea I'll have to stay with you, out of all people.

Tsumugi: I'm simply worried about leaving it to only Shu-kun and Suou-kun, who have little customer service experience.

Even if you went with them, will you be able to blend with them?

Shu: Excuse me. I'm more used to collective action than I was before. In Paris, I'm always surrounded by free people who pretend to be artists.

Tsumugi: Oh~. You must be a good influence there, then.

But still, Paris, huh... When I was still a student, I remember making the "French Special Corner", even though I haven't set foot in the country myself.

If I come visit sometime, will you show me around?

Shu: Non. I don't want to.

Tsumugi: Even if Natsume-kun and Sora-kun came along?

Shu: ………

...I never came to Paris to become a tourist guide.

However, it'll be troublesome if they go missing, so I'll simply lend a hand.

Tsumugi; Fufu, thank you very much.

Shu: Somehow, I feel like I'm being tricked into this.

Tsumugi: You are kindhearted.

Shu: Hm. You saying that won't make me feel proud at all.

Tsumugi: Aw, that's pretty harsh~♪

Prev | Masterlist | Next

Translated by mars | Proofread by machi

[aelaer]

I love writing; I want to write I'm not able to. Whenever I open a document, ready to write, it's like my fingers get stuck, hovering over the keyboard. It is frustrating and upsetting and doesn't help my non-existing confidence and self-worth.

I know people say it helps when you talk with friends about your writing but I only have one friend and I've annoyed them enough with my writing problems (since we longer share the same fandoms). And I'm scared of people and self-isolate myself from them because my past fandom experiences weren't the best.

Aww love *big hugs* 🫂 Thank you for your trust in sharing this personal information with me. I presume that you shared it with me on the hope that I would give some thoughts and ideas on these troubles. I will do my best to give you an answer that will hopefully be of some use to you. If you just needed to let it off your chest and do not wish for thoughts and non-professional advice, please don't read beyond this paragraph. And if that's the case I just wish the best for you and hope things get better!

But if you're still reading this second paragraph, here's some of my own musings on what you've divulged. (Note - I'm not a professional health person, this stuff is from memory of things I've read and my memory may be spotty.)

The funny thing about hobbies is that they're meant to enrich your life, but oftentimes you can only easily partake in them if you're already in a good place. If you're stressed about work, school, family or friends, it gets hard to focus on things you enjoy. If your health is in the toilet, it's sometimes hard to do hobbies as well. This includes mental health.

It's a bit of a terrible cycle. You want to create, but you are too down to create, which makes you feel even more down than you were before. This is terribly common and it's such a difficult cycle to break.

How exactly do you solve it? I don't think there's an easy solution, or a solution that fits everyone. But I have the following on "things" to try split into different parts, if you want to give any of these a shot. They touch on each of the items you mentioned in your post:

Getting In The Mood To Write

Set up a sprint. Don't know what sprinting is? Here's an article about sprints. Don't have a Discord writing server where sprints are set up? Here's a free sprint site.

Is the story you *want* to write not easily coming to mind? Why not start on some writing prompts. This link has prompts that would be about 1-3 paragraphs to complete per prompt. Need more flexibility? These prompts could be answered in a couple sentences, a paragraph, or a page. None of these may be the story you've been trying to write, but they're a good way to get your muscle memory in your fingers and word-forming in your head to get started again. You can do as little or as many as you like. They can be fiction or non-fiction. You can even answer the prompts as your favorite fictional character if you'd like to for the personal writing ones.

How calm are your surroundings and your mind? This article goes into some tips about setting the mood and getting your mind prepared for the space. It also goes into the importance of the mind being in the right space for it, which goes into my next section.

Caring For Yourself

I really like the article I linked in point three because it emphasizes, in very large text, "Be kind to yourself and let it flow". This is one of the most difficult things to learn because if you've spent a long time beating yourself up for not doing the thing, not being good enough, and other self-negative terminology, that'll be deep within your psyche. Unlearning all of these negative feelings about yourself is not done in a day, or a week, or possibly not even a month or year.

One method of combating these negative feelings is by saying (out loud or on paper) positive things about yourself: that you *are* enough, that you are talented/worth it/hardworking, whatever it is to combat whatever you've been telling yourself that has lowered your self-esteem. This has to become a habit, by the way--something you schedule in your day and that you stick to like clockwork. This self-affirming self-care language is supposed to eventually sink in, because if it is so often in the upper conscious, it eventually sinks to the subconscious. Or at least, that's what the science of it says.

Depending on how long this feeling continues and how many aspects of your life it affects, you may want to consider speaking with a professional about it. If that is not a viable solution, doing some research on what you can do to help yourself could help. Just stick with reputable sites--the .edu's and the like.

One blog I really like following is @insanitysilver because of their constant positivity around writing both original and fan fiction. There's a lot of reaffirming content about being kind to yourself on bad writing days, to your WIPs, and just being a writer (and reader!) in general. This may help give you a pick-me-up in your browsing of tumblr.

Getting Into The Fandom Community

I 100% get not wanting to get into fandom again because you've had bad experiences in the past. Oh my *goodness*, I can't count all the terrible experiences I've had in online fandom spaces and online RP spaces in the 20 years I've been active online and all the hurt that came with it. Heck, I'm friends with a mutual who is also interacting with the person who told me they were disgusted that I had given kudos on their fic and said some absolutely *nasty* things to me, and we're both still active in the same fandom.

Unfortunately it comes with human interaction. If you hide from it forever, you may miss out on some absolutely amazing experiences and beautiful friendships.

Toxic people are everywhere, unfortunately, but you learn to recognize them and, in the online space, block them. And those toxic people (like the one I mentioned above) have to live with their nastiness and you start to feel sorry for them, because how sad must that person be to go out of their way to put others down in such a horrid manner?

If it's a matter of miscommunications and misunderstanding, that gets easier to deal with with experience and time. Experience is a big part of it. Have I committed some big social mistakes and major faux pas in my past? Yes, absolutely, including in the fandom I'm still active in. I have major foot-in-mouth disease, and I feel pretty bad about those! When I can, I try to repair relationships. When I can't, I've learned to apologize where I can when I'm at fault and move on. You don't need to be friends with everyone in the fandom to have a good time.

To start getting involved: joining a fandom Discord would be my recommendation. You can usually find one via Google. Some are super large, so you may want to try and find smaller shipping ones, or character-based ones as opposed to a huge community. The cool thing about this is that you can lurk for a time to see how the community interacts before stepping in, which is a nice part about Discord.

Another way to connect with folks is via tumblr. Look up the fandom tags here and start following folks who post a lot about your favorite things! First you can start with reblogs, then reblogs with tags, and then comments and asks. Baby steps at your own pace.

I definitely recommend connecting with several people if at all possible because you'll have several people to talk about fandom stuff with, and writing with, and if you have a falling out with one of them, it won't feel like you're completely out of the loop. I'd also recommend that you connect with folks who aren't all mutuals -- spread it out. In one of my largest fandom schisms several years ago, a whole RP group kicked me out because the leader was an ableist asshole. But I had several other RP partners to fall back on and to help me through the tough time. It's similar in the fandom space--you want to be friendly with several folks. That's one reason Discord is so great-- you can be in several Discord groups with a variety of people and be acquaintances, friends, and good friends with several folks. If for some reason one of the Discord groups is actually a poisonous hellhole and they're awful to you, you can back out and fall back to the other group without feeling like you've completely disconnected from everyone in fandom. There's a space for everyone.

If your fandom is my corner of the MCU, I'd recommend both the Stephen Strange Discord and IronStrange Discord. They're wholesome groups and you can comfortably lurk there until you're ready to talk about the fun stuff. If you don't have those links, just send me a follow-up ask for which one you'd like and I'll post a 7-day link.

This was pretty darn long, but I hope I could be of some assistance, if assistance was what you were looking for. Best wishes, anon--things do get better.

[abandonedpie]

Little bit of a vent, not that serious but slightly heavier than you'd expect from the subject.

TL;DR designing an ACNH island is suffering and I took that personally

So my island has been in a WIP state since its creation. Got fairly far with implementing my plans, and I've worked on pieces of it here and there, but recently, I was inspired to redesign the whole thing (again). No longer liked all the ideas I had liked before, and overall felt it was lacking. With some struggle, I started coming up with new ideas that I felt good about.

But the thing that has slowed me down the most? That has me already doubting or even hating my brand new ideas?

Paths. It always comes down to the paths.

Custom paths? Default paths? Both have pros and cons to consider. Fellow ACNH players are likely familiar with these issues: loss of footstep sounds, limited design slots to work with (is it worth using 12+ slots for a single path border?), having to make every design from scratch (no Online for me), lines of grass left between paths/inclines/buildings...

And I can't decide. I can't find an answer. Whatever I try, whatever I imagine, I don't like the result. I've hit a wall, and that wall is my own perfectionism. Clearly there is no perfect solution, and I have to compromise to progress—"finished, not perfect" and all that—but I don't want to compromise the vision I have for my island, even though I know that vision is unattainable.

I just want to have an island I'm happy with. And it feels like no matter what I do with it, I'll never be satisfied. I've seen such beautiful pictures and videos of other people's islands, and while they inspire me and fuel my creativity, they also raise my standards for my own island because I know it could be so much better.

I want to be able to settle for "good enough." But it feels like trying to paint a rainbow with one or two colors missing or not quite the right shade. Maybe I can make something pretty, but it's not what I envisioned or want.

So I think, let's just come up with something different. There are plenty of designs I would like just as much or more, right? I'm already struggling because I like multiple exclusive aesthetics/layouts/etc. and I can't fit them all on one island. But...paths are kinda omnipresent, and that means I have to accept them being substandard. Unless? I've considered using minimal to no paths, but I can't imagine that working for me. I'm not going for full-on natural forestcore or whatever (and even that wouldn't look its best without dirt paths, right?).

I guess I might've made this into a bigger deal than it needs to be. At this point, I feel tired and stuck and hopeless, and part of me wants to let it go. It's just a game. But I don't want to give up and leave my island a mess again. For a short while, I was excited to create, thinking I could shape my little land into something great, something I could walk through with a smile and maybe feel proud of. And now I wonder if that's really possible. There must be something I can do, something I'd like, but I don't know how to find it. I'm honestly having trouble focusing on it right now.

Seeking inspiration is a double-edged sword. As nice as other people's islands look, I know a lot of pictures are shared with filters, and even those that aren't...well, seeing images and videos is different than walking through your own island day after day.

I could go into the game's flaws and limitations, but this is what we've got. And it's not all bad. There's potential. The problem is my own inner critic, and I don't know how to get past it.

The best part is that I've been trying to fight this perfectionism with the game from the beginning, when I last restarted my island and named it Wabisabia after the term wabi-sabi, the Japanese ideal/aesthetic centered on transience and imperfection. You can see how well that's going for me ha ha ha! Even if I want to embrace it in theory, it's not so easy to break through the perfectionism cemented inside me.

Anyway, yeah. Back to agonizing over my island I guess. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[studyblr-perhaps]

I noticed mathy looking notes in your post earlier. I've just returned to school after a 10 year break and I've never been particularly good at math. I'm taking a remote double time math course over the summer semester that starts in a few weeks and I'm a bit nervous as I've never taken math remotely. Do you have any pro-tips? :)

Hello! Tbh I don't think I'm the best person to ask for tips related to math, considering I barely just pass all my math courses. But I haven't failed any so yes. Disclaimer: I don't really know what remote learning is, but I'll assume it's similar to either the online classes we took during covid, or pre-recorded classes which we can watch later on. So my tips will be considering these two scenarios.

First of all, I think it depends on what course you're taking. Is it a specific course, like linear algebra, geometry, calculus, or any of the sort. If it is, I'd advise you brush up on the basics of those once (i.e. trigonometry and stuff for geometry, limits and all for calculus etc). Although I am sure your teacher will definitely go over the basics, most of the times the difficulty in solving maths lies in not being able to understand the basics.

If your math course is a non-specific course, whenever they start a new topic, they'll probably provide some basic info. Same as above, always understand that first. A lot many times in maths, I have come to realize, you can solve a lot of questions by knowing just basics, and not formulae.

Second, Solve questions. This is something I myself don't do often (thus the barely passing marks) and karma has bit my ass a lot many times for this. Maths is a skill, and you can only hone it by doing as much problems as you can. Now, don't overwork yourself and stress over all questions, sometimes some just don't solve no matter what you try.

You don't need to do every question in your practice problem sets, just to the most varied one. That is, if two questions have a similar approach for an answer and you know how to get to the solution after doing one, don't do the other. You can save that time and brain space for a different question which has a slightly different approach. Warning: some questions look solvable but then you sometimes get stuck on it halfway, be careful while judging which questions you know and can skip.

Third, make notes. It seems basic enough but I don't just mean the lecture notes. Make a separate sheet of just formulae or theorems which you require. You can use that sheet when you're solving practice questions. As you keep solving, you'll realize after a while you wouldn't need that formulae sheet at all. And if your examinations allow cheat sheet, you've already made one!

Fourth, google. Don't know the question, google the entire question word for word. Don't know a concept, google it. Can use chatgpt? Use it. Be honest when you're practicing, but when you can't understand or solve a question, be honest and just google it. 8/10 times the answer (or related similar question's answer) will always be there.

On the same note, youtube has some really good teachers. I do not know what level course you're taking, but Khan Academy and Organic Chemistry Tutor's videos has helped me way into two years of college. You can try these channels, or you can try other ones you find and like, too!

Lastly, find past questions. This is an occupational disease (if you can call it that) which has been ingrained into me after high school and the ridiculous amount of college entrance exams I had to give. Also Asian. Definitely also because I'm Asian. Questions which come in the exam are barely anything which you use practical knowledge for. I have done many many projects with my friends and none of us have ever used maths in the way we use and write in exams. Exam taking is a skill (I am bad at it) and it measures how good you are at taking an exam than how good you are at the subject. Sadly they do in the end judge us based on scores, so past year's question papers is absolutely necessary! A lot of times the questions are similar (my quantum mechanics midsem was the exact same as the previous batch's only the values were different. Same question, same concept, same approach to solution.) This will definitely give you an upper hand at solving exam questions.

And that's it! That's all I can think of right now. But please remember, learning is unique to each individual. What works for me may not work for you. Always, tweak and twist and experiment on what works best for you, and go with that. Sometimes it's exhausting, and it's okay if you spend an entire day binging a show (definitely not speaking from experience, nope). Just know that the next day, you'll pick up your pen and continue on your journey with maths!

TL;DR: brush up on basics, practice questions, use google and youtube to it's fullest, get past year exam papers, take rests and don't feel guilty, it's alright sometimes.

With that being said, thank you for the ask! I hope your course goes amazing and you have a wonderful time with it!!!!!!

Happy learning!

[theeeveetamer]

If you've been wondering where I am: the answer is Zelda

I kind of want to do a quick comparison of what I think TotK did better (and worse) than BotW so here it is. I'm not finished with the plot yet so I won't be talking about the story, but I think I've played enough to make a comparison when it comes to gameplay and characterization.

No story spoilers or quest spoilers or anything. Just general discussion about the kinds of puzzle contents of dungeons and shrines and some of the features you can find in the overworld, but I'll put it under a cut anyway.

Starting with what I think TotK does worse than BotW so we can end on a positive note:

1) The shrines. I'm probably at least 50 shrines in at this point and I hate how they're all basically a variation of either a physics puzzle or a combat trial.

It's like the devs looked at how cool everyone thought Eventide Island was in BotW and said "do that, but again, and 20 times just to make sure it gets really stale." The physics puzzles are all really short and, by nature of the game's design, you have to put at least some Zonai devices used for the "intended solution" into the shrine itself so players can't get stuck. This means the game basically hands you the solution to every shrine right at the start.

If I could improve this game's design, I would just give players 99 of every Zonai device capsule while they're in the shrine that they can take out and use as they see fit (removed once you leave the shrine).

I don't mind some of the underpants trials or basic physics puzzles, but I'm dying for a more meaty experience that takes a bit of actual thought to solve. Speaking of...

2) The dungeons. Admittedly I've only done two so far (the Rito and Zora ones) but somehow I find them even easier than the BotW ones. At least the BOTW ones had the kind of neat mechanic where you can flip and move and rotate parts of the dungeon to open up new areas or do different things. So far the two TotK dungeons I've done have been more incredibly basic physics puzzles. The lead up to the dungeons themselves can be kind of neat but other than that, I'm craving something more complicated and time consuming. Like, something I'd be able to burn an entire play session on instead of just an hour or two.

3) The tutorial segment. It's literally just the Great Plateau 2: Electric Boogaloo, except this one is extremely on rails. There's a very obvious intended path you're supposed to be taking around the islands and there's really not much you can do to deviate from it, at least from my experience. Which I get; TotK has much more complicated mechanics to explain and naturally the more complicated a mechanic the more babying the player needs initially. I just think it was kind of a bad introduction to the game. It's at least two or three hours of extremely linear tutorial, the island isn't really even fully explorable since you don't get the paraglider until after you're done, and I wish they'd allowed a bit more freedom right off the bat.

4) This is kind of hard to explain, but I feel like in general the path to some key features are a bit more on rails than I would expect?

Just as an example from the early game: You jump down to mainland Hyrule and you still don't have a paraglider. You actually have to do parts of the main quest before you can even have access to it. Sure you can continue running around without it, but you won't be able to fill out your map AND you're functionally locked out of 65% of the map (since there's no way to get to the sky or the depths safely without it).

The game doesn't force you to go do the main quest either, and there's no indication that the main quest will be what gives you the paraglider or that you need the paraglider to activate the towers and get map pieces. I probably played for a good 7 or 8 hours before I finally gave in and looked up where to get it, which is kind of a shame because I was really not having that much fun until I hit the first Depths section. I wish they'd just given it to you when you finish the tutorial section or the first time you talk to Purah, instead of making you do a whole run around for it.

That's not the only aspect of the game that feels like that. E.g. you can't activate the Fairy Fountains until you go to one specific stable and start a quest line, or you can't get rewards for those spirit frog gems you keep picking up until you go to one specific place and start a quest line. Sorta takes the fun out of exploring and finding new things when you're basically told "oops, come back later I guess" when you find something cool. That said though, this is probably the least egregious of my complaints because it ties into something I think TotK actually did better.

5) The UI in some places is hot garbage, I'm sorry. Why do we not have different tabs for food, bugs, and monster parts at this point? It is a nightmare 100 hours in trying to organize your shit. Not to mention attaching something to your arrow lays out EVERYTHING in your inventory in one big long line that you have to scroll through, which means you might have to shuffle through a hundred different items to find the one you want. It should not take me 10+ minutes in the middle of combat to find a shock fruit to throw/attach to my arrow.

Now for the things I think TotK did better than BotW:

1) I actually think the quests are LEAGUES better than BotW. This is the reason why complaint #4 above doesn't bother me that much. For an example of what I'm talking about: the great fairy fountains have a quest tied to them specifically. Because of that you need to go to that one specific stable to start it. So it's more on-rails, but as a result you get a better and more involved side quest.

To be honest, I'm okay with the tradeoff (a little less freedom for a little more quality). I was really, really craving more quests on the level of Tarrey Town in BotW and pretty much every town I've visited in TotK has at least two or three semi-sizable quests to dig into. And there are far fewer "catch ten bugs for me" quests, thank god.

2) Overall the world just seems more lived in. The towns are bustling with activity and all of the NPCs have their own little schedules and problems and dialogue. You see a lot more travelers roaming around, and it's actually worthwhile to talk to them (I just found out yesterday that some will mark where you can find clothing sets on your map!). You can encounter travelers fighting monsters and merchants and whatnot.

BotW's big problem really was that there was like no one out and about when traveling, and you were pretty much always punished for talking to anyone because 95% of the time they turned out to be Yiga Clan.

3) The sky islands are kinda meh, but the depths are REALLY cool. Admittedly I haven't replayed BotW in a hot second so I'm not really bothered by them mostly recycling the main map, but I can see why that would bother some. However, I say the devs more than make up for it by essentially creating an entire second map below the surface. And kudos to them too, because it's genuinely unsettling and cool to be down there. I just wish there were more sky islands/more variety in the ones we do have. I mean like every region has one with a central wheel with a piston that you can spin to launch yourself, I've encountered like three moon ones, etc.

4) Maybe this is just me, but I felt like BotW strayed kind of far from previous Zelda games. I like that TotK has a lot of little references and easter eggs for players to find.

And it's not overbearing enough that a new player wouldn't be able to understand what's going on, but they're neat little things for the long time fans. Like I howled when I got the Windwaker PJs and I adore a lot of the visual references to Skyward Sword.

5) I still don't love weapon durability, but it is better this time. The fuse mechanic does make it so you can turn pretty much any crap weapon into something usable. This definitely gets me using my powerful weapons more often, whereas in BotW I would pretty much never grab two handed swords and I would cling to my powerful weapons like a hoarder.

I still wish there were a couple of unbreakable "bases" you could use and just the materials you attach would break, cuz it doesn't feel good to get something really cool and rare like the fierce deity sword and have it break.

6) I CAN BUILD A HOUSE!!! Also the customization in general is fantastic. I love that you can have different paraglider cloths and there's soooo much FASHION!

7) I found the guardians very unfun and I'm glad they're gone. I'm not a big fan of the big bad enemy that you either die to immediately or you take them out FAST. Encountering a guardian was always more stressful than fun for me.

I'm not sure if this was in BotW as well, but I notice that in TotK if something really strong hits you from full health you'll always survive with a quarter of a heart. Cuts down a lot on the unnecessary deaths and is a good indicator to players on what is and is not currently safe for them to take on.

And just in general there wasn't a lot of enjoyable strategy to the guardian fights for me. Meanwhile in TotK I've been taking on stuff waaaaaaaay above where I should be for hours now, and while it's hard/a bit frustrating sometimes it's very doable.

8) Link! I like TotK Link a lot better than BotW link. Maybe it's just me, but he feels so much more expressive and interesting. One of my big complaints about BotW was that Link was very flat, which stood out even more since they added voice acting. So characters would just talk at him like a brick wall. A bit jarring if you're coming off of Skyward Sword or Wind Waker link.

[monratarot]

Hi hope you are doing fine 😊 thank you so much for opening your ask again

So for almost a year now, I've been dreaming about having a beautiful relationship with a man. Sometimes I see his face, sometimes it's blurry but I have a feeling that it's the same person. In those dreams I called him my husband, we are going on a date, talking or even meeting his parents

What surprised me is that during the dream I met his parents I got some informations about them that I didn't know in real life but after some researches about him that I made because the dream seems so real, I found out that the informations I got are indeed true.

When I dream about him, it feels too real also I have the same feeling as when I got premonition dreams. So my question is "is the person I have been dreaming my future spouse please?"

My initials are rht (she/her), 28/03/95 and recently I had some bad eczema flares up

Have a nice day 🌺

Hello, dear! Thank you for your request. I hope that my reading will help you and bring clearance to your situation. 

Feedback is very much appreciated and if you consider tipping me, you can do so on my ☕️ko-fi.

Count of questions/requests and answers 3/15.

Without wasting any time, let's get into your reading!'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•'

Tarot free readings rule⋆｡‧˚ʚ🍓ɞ˚‧｡⋆

Tarot payed readings rules 𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒₊˚*ੈ🎀⸝⸝🍓✩‧₊˚

Dealing with dreams is a little complicated especially since this is the first type of dream that looks vivid. Keep in mind that dreams are sometimes signs or warnings. It can be a result of the unconscious mind so what you need to do is to keep track of them because sometimes minds keep on playing tricks with us. I'm going to tell you now what the cards have for you. I can see that you are going to feel like you have lost direction in your life and this can lead to being distracted by your goals. There are some signs that you are still keeping past experiences close to you or even you are allowing people from the past to interfere with your present. If you don't cut communication or don't stop allowing them to affect you no matter if it's about a friend, someone from your family, or an ex-lover you won't be able to let your blessings enter your life. Again I have signs that you are dealing with a battle that you feel can't be won by you so you better let that situation go. Also, be careful how you express yourself because you can say some words that will hurt some people in your life. I guess that all your dreams are coming to show you what you can have if you dare to let go of some stuff from your current reality because it seems that now you are stuck in a cycle of fighting in vain for something or someone(especially if you have a connection with someone and you are spending more time fighting that communicating to find solutions). You are spending more time worrying rather than focusing on what you have. You care too much about what other people think about you, and your decisions and this isn't helping you do things in life so you need to stop that. You need to review your past and surrender a little bit to the events because you cannot control everything but you can control your life and your reactions. You need to find peace because big changes are ahead. Now is the perfect time for self-evaluation so use this moment to think positively, rethink all your arrangements and after that, you will allow the reality that you deserve to come into your life. Again your dreams are trying to show you what you can have if you dare to break free from a toxic or bad past. There are signs of blessing but it all depends on you, on your attitude and decision. That reality can come true if you make a change right now in your life. Also, focus on yourself and not be blocked in a daydreaming situation, make your dreams come true and you can do that by making a change in your life. Angel message: You are reminded that your essence is divine so let no one diminish you. When you feel serene and at peace, you are powerful for no one can upset or influence you. Your angel guidance is to find your still, quiet center, then heal your anger, purify your emotions, rely on your judgment, and make your own decisions. True power is based on inner strength, self-worth, and confidence.

Affirmation: I am serene, powerful, and confident.

Wish you only the best!🍀

Moni🧚‍♀️

[gissyfanime]

A lot to unpack (An update to tell in the time and place.)

So, it's been a while since my last update but I have been wanting to talk about some stuff for a bit.

Firstly, I want to thank you all who follow me who has been very patient with me. Sometimes I'm not even patient with myself, truth be told. Secondly, in the past couple of weeks, I have been in a sorta rut when it comes creative works in general, Not to say I haven't been productive, the Fanime Realm website (despite some down periods) has been going very well. Just when it comes to my own projects, I'm just stuck on the floor at least until recently.

Carrot Fluffs Remake

I won't lie, I had been down creatively with due to things piling up from the period where the VA for Hirtemio and Soepekia couldn't do his lines due to computer issues to factors that made me want to get a new voice cast for everyone except those two characters to the idea of all of this under the time frame for the 10th anniversary for original fanime. I just feel a lil' burnt out with this specifically that I kinda wanna save it for the 11th anniversary. It's a shame since the #10 is the magic number but really, I do think it is for the best.

which leads me to something that I something that I kinda wanna bring up

Xariko's Tetris Mayhem

Okay… sooo, this fucking fanime. If you couldn't already tell, yes, the YT Channel hosting Xariko's Tetris Mayhem (Moeblob Crapshoot) is being run by me. So, for this fanime specifically just kinda went out of fucking no where and there are reasons for that. Aside from what I am about to get into for the next section, I wanted to make a fanime that started with the letter "X" (the fact there was none of that in the FR website was bothering the shit outta me for the longest while, SABEDGBEFKDBJOWEJWQO) Initially, I was hoping someone else would've done that but given everyone else has lives, I've decided to be the change I wanted to be. This is a more casual series, it's gonna be part me venting about certain this via "metaphors", part my obsession with Tetris, and part sudo-Yumejoshi stuff. Now, why start up new YT channel for this fanime?

Well…

General Stuff + Decentralization

You see, I have been feeling a bit of pressure (that I have kinda put upon myself, just to be clear.) when it comes to being able to complete a fanime. For those not in the now, I am one of the very few people within the fanime community that has a crap ton of finished series. Now granted, a lot of them are in the format I like to come back to since 2014 (The Visual Novel Style Format) but a lot of folks (at least in some fanime discords) do look up to me for having that many finished projects. And while I am happy that I am able to keep that reputation….. another part of me is like "….Oh shit… I have a reputation to keep…. oh dear lord". Soooo, that's why the main reason why I made Moeblob Crapshoot; it's a more relaxed channel for me to not having to worry about finishing a fanime. And don't worry, I will still upload to Eva Charat Staff as it is a channel for finished fanime (as well as wanting to get better with my animation skills, as slow as that is.); it's just Moeblob Crapshoot is will before fanime not in either of that ballpark.

Now, I know some folks are going to have their eyebrows raised with this decision, especially for those that want to keep their works more centralized but really, I'm not exactly the only person within the fanime community who make a separate channel for specific type of fanimes that is not on their main fanime channels. And plus, you wanna hear a not-secret? Before Moeblob Crapshoot was even a thing in my mind and sometime last year, I wanted to make two separate YT Channels for animations and other stuff I wouldn't want centralized on Eva Charat Staff. This was way before I came up with an actually good solution to my personal dilemma by planning on having those projects be exclusive to sites like WeVidi and Newgrounds respectively.

Anyways, sorry for this long read but I hope ya'll understand where I'm coming from. Hope you have a good one at take care.

[abbsxg]

Hey again... many, many years later

Dear Andy,

I usually get that strike of inspiration from others or influential/ impactful times of my life.

For a very long time I didn't ever see myself living past the age 21/22. Then it became 25. And now at 27 I think I'm starting to see past the age 35.

Since I've lasted wrote to you, I've been on a new kid kick. But someone called out my fear. I'm truly afraid of disappointing you or creating an environment that makes you hate me. I'm afraid of not being able to give you the life I imagine you to have with a typical nuclear family with a mom, dad, and cat. I still imagine a life where I am so in love with your dad, and he loves me just a little bit more. He and I are the "cool" parents who are just a little bit eccentric and silly. We are normal. We fight. But we work through it. We live a comfortable life where we don't struggle with money. Your grandparents are weird and silly, but they love you so much. We are a progressive family and support your growth and privacy but protect you with reason. Even though I am well into my career, I still have time for you and your dreams and passions. I am afraid of not giving you this life.

At 23, I was working through my new diagnosis. I struggled with finding support and at this point, I knew I only had one real friend and all her friends became my friends but I didn't have any for myself. I was VERY lonely. I was starting to lose myself into the unknown that is my health. By that point, I had contemplated suicide and even needed an SOS call because I couldn't stand living. And even until now my mortality is something I don't take very seriously. Maybe you could even find entries of young me talking about how I could I ever consider suicide. It's gotten better. I promise.

I was aimless until I decided during the middle of the pandemic that it's time to leave. Being stuck at home and trying to go back to school but living at home is just not sustainable. I had decided if I don't leave now, then when?

So in October 2020, I moved to Houston, TX and I had a plan to start a new grad program because the first one I started just didn't fulfill me. I dreaded class but I loved work, even though I was working from a different time zone. I moved without applying to school yet but I was banking my future on getting into this new grad program. But I felt so confident and passionate about the work.

And with a time skip, I got my Masters! I think back to impactful times in my life that I needed some guidance and clarity in my life with my undergrad degrees. I remember meeting with Dr. Tracy and she laid it out on the table: AAS or Student Affairs. She said I seem to like student affairs more but like what the hell is even student affairs? I had only wished I asked more and wasn't so stubborn about getting a masters in Asian American Studies. I realized that I am solution-oriented. I am a "fixer" I need solutions or reasons for a problem but solving the problem or question is how I thrive. Everyone has said I don't take "No" for an answer, but I really always needed "No and this is why."

My life came full circle. I visited Houston/ UH in 2017 and thought it was a beautiful campus/union. I visited their LGBTQ/WGRC office and was so inspired by the space. I didn't think I would ever end up at UH getting my Masters, much less starting my professional career in the WGRC office. I'm grateful I was able to find my calling and purpose in this life. I think you know me well enough to know that I care so fiercely. I care about making the world much better than I left it. I care about my students and my friends, and the work I do fills my soul. And maybe one day you will see the passion I have and it'll help guide you in finding yourself and your passion earlier in life. And if not, we can always work towards it.

To get into the nitty gritty of why I am here:

I am at a crossroads in my life. I am currently back home in LA after I had packed up my things after I decided to bite the bullet and come home. It wasn't an easy decision, but I wasn't happy there anymore. I am so grateful for the people I have met and I miss them a lot. But my personal life sucked. And as much as I loved the work I was doing, it wasn't paying me enough. I loved every moment of my first job. I had an amazing boss and amazing colleagues. I had a great life. But I was waiting for the next opportunity and time ran out before the next opportunity came. So I'm back home. For now.

I'm waiting on my next opportunity to come. And whether it's in Boulder or Seattle, heck even LA, the world may never know. I honestly don't know yet either.

I don't have anything profound to say, especially in times of crossroads. I'm a little lost but that's okay. I'll figure it out. Everything will work itself out. And when it does, I will let you know.

Love,

Abby at 27

[lsmitharts102-05]

This week in class, we started our final project for the semester. It's basically just putting everything we've done in this class together in a portfolio and explaining the creation process behind the different projects. The software we're using to create multi-page layouts is Adobe InDesign. It's different enough from other Adobe Software such as Photoshop and Illustrator that it's proven a little bit of a challenge for me to figure out, but I've been able to start putting together some basic designs. Attached below are a couple of pictures showing the basic grid I used to start placing my elements around on the pages. I think the main challenge of this assignment will be trying to make the photos and text fit in a way that makes sense.

As I was reading chapter 16, one topic that was brought up was skills that designers need. Some of these included understanding typography, but also information organization and hierarchy. I think this is definitely something that relates to the current project for this class. Another quote from the same chapter also stuck out to me: "Designers are trained to solve problems." And whether it's my current project or something else, being able to create solutions to obstacles is a significant part of design.

[gaudeixcc]

Peloton News - G23 - Tuscany

Labelled as the 'Tour of inclusivity' because of my pre-tour whining  about not being able to keep up anymore, this trip was always going to be a bit of a test.

I'd stuck to a fairly structured training plan for the previous 18 or so weeks so felt like I was ready and in reasonable shape.

The inclusivity bit needs taking with a pinch of salt though.

'We're doing a gravel trip next year. If you want to come, you'll need a gravel bike'.

I didn't have a gravel bike as I normally identify as a road-rider. Mmm. The cost of inclusivity. Do I also need a rainbow helmet?

Damo sorted a flexible solution for the my first real toe-dip and the shiny new Cannondale landed late last year…. and remained unridden until about March this year I think (which is shocking behaviour on my part).

Moley, the man in Pink, upped the route planning comms and had landed on 4 routes which everyone poured over. It's no easy task is route planning… if it goes well, everyone enjoys it. If it goes wrong (in even the slightest way) you get crucified. And so it turned out.

In a change from the usual form, I'm not going to re-live the day-by-day story of the tour, but thought what might be helpful to others would be if I reflected what I learnt from the experience. As always, I've come back older and slightly wiser.

So, without further ado…. The things 'what I learnt on my hols'…..

James gets quite snappy when he's tired

Macca gets quite snappy if he's snapped at

A blood sugar spike happens when glucose builds up in the bloodstream and your blood sugar levels increase. Early digestion of bread as part of a meal can cause this and so is to be avoided like the plague

Italian sheepdogs are rarely kept on a lead

English cyclists smell like sheep

Sheep who move quickly get chased and barked at

I can practice being a slow sheep. JT less so….

Damo delivers feedback in a sensitive and private manner if something irks him

Macca takes 40 mins in the bathroom in the morning as he washes his whole body with a tiny finger flannel. This irks Damo

Just because a taxi ride from the airport is good, doesn't mean a taxi ride to the airport will be the same. It won't

The day 1 Italian service station was the best I have ever been to. Period... (and would be classified a '2' all day long)

It's a long way to drive to Tuscany. A veeery long way

50% of gravel riders have brown wings

To ride gravel means to faff around with Garmins & Wahoos till the cows arrive arrive back at their respective abodes

'Catch me if you can muthafuckers' should only be shouted if you are absolutely sure you are going the right way

If you wait 2 hours for a taxi in a café in an Italian square, don't expect that the first taxi to arrive will actually be the one you ordered. Always check with the driver.

If you have a boyfriend with a 'roid rage' problem, probably best you don’t let him negotiate with a taxi passenger who is in the right

If someone tries to steal your taxi, just sit in the back seat, what's the worst that could happen? (apart from a shanking from the 'roid rage' boyfriend)

When you're getting annoyed and frustrated at people who may be implying a certain lack of 'route planning' skill may be present, don't ride up a completely un-traversable path and then just keep going because pride will not allow you to turn back

People can die on un-traversable paths

Italian food is sensational

Italian coffee is sensational

Italian ice-cream is sensational (I ate it all)

Hotel staff who don't have to be polite, won't be

Dropping the tyre pressure by 10psi on day 1 is a game-changer

Damo deserved Pink

There is no such thing as 'budget yellow', there's just yellow, ok!!

To add further colour to the learning points, some photos….

We all agree that this is the best motorway service station in the world

'Hey...Tony'........ 'What?'.....

Big sky, open landscape

JT is a lot bigger than you think in real life

Damo is absolutely disgusted that Macca has started caning the bread before the starters arrive. Huuuge blood sugar spike on it's way

Everyone is looking at the route.... this must be a gravel ride then...

He's off again.....! Practice what you preach sunshine....

One of the best tour lunches.... and there were many

One of the best tour desserts.... and there were many

The dessert winner

Damo (in-shot) prepares to publicly fluff Moley (out of shot)

'I'd like 1 kilo of steak please' sayeth RTA in that Italian accent of his.

'You'll have 2.5 kilos and that's the end of that' sayeth our waiter

In this bar the waiters fight for their local community

A proper cyclist with the best bike. (That statement will not sit comfortably with some, I know... but I like the colour)

3 wise monkeys......

Not exactly a unanimous yellow and a probably underserved pink, but fuck that, they're on my knee...! Anyway, the crushing responsibility of G24 is starting to sink in. Gerona 24... let the road/gravel lobbying begin

Well done Moley, great planning, execution and delivery.

Tuscany was sensational and you can't say fairer than that.

Hoppo