#been a while since i posted such a casual doodle

[swirlmup]

i remembered i have ocs

[kyurochurro]

I DONT USUALLY POST OCs HERE, BUT HEY LOOK I MADE A NEW SONA!!! :D their names gonna be Churpo! she’s an alien cat thing, living in the 25th century in a far off planet as a designer! Of course heavily inspired by 60s fashion trends but mostly a silly brand of retro futurism :3 I’ve been needing an updated one hehehe

[kunimilktea]

This picture of kori in the last post is sending me

She looks so silly dkkskskdkd.

Speaking of kori (also hey I had an mc called cori that's cool!) when do her and cove get together? Is it in the step 2 epilogue with the confession or during the charity confession?

Also unrelated to Kori but what do you mind going more into depth on your thoughts for both Derek and Baxter dlcs? I love discussions around their dlcs I wish people would genuinely talk more about itz going into depth into the themes of the dlcs and how they affect Derek and Baxter as characters, but then again I'm someone who loves analyzing the media they consume so djdkdkjd. General discussions about these things drive me crazy (I think is worth mentioning that I'm autistic so djdkdk)

Your art is also very lovely I loved watching your doodles, you're one of the artists I always look forward to to get a notification from 🫶

THATS ALOT OF QUESTIONS YOU GOT THERE BUDDY,,,,

Im kidding tho it's appreciated nonetheless ^_^

SO FIRST OF ALL THANKS FOR LIKING MY ART 🥹🥹🥹 i try my best to make time for drawing my silly our life doodles despite being busy in college and i appreciate anyone who rlly enjoys my dumb doodles of my ol mc shenanigans

Answering the confession question, they confess at the end of step 3 cause i thought the slowburn was fun 😇

I actually drew their first kiss right here

Now with the derek and baxter dlc question,,,

So fun fact! With how i played the the dlcs over all me and my friend Lo (@/oiulse) would choose which boy to play the dlc and stream it on call, so Lo picked Baxter and i took Derek, it was really funny cause casual constantly played in our heads during the Baxter dlc (bless lo btw for gifting me both dlcs labyu oomf 🫰)

With how i feel with BOTH dlcs

For my boy Derek Suarez

When i played the first moment from dereks dlc my voice started like acting up from how long THAT specific moment was, maybe its just me but the first moment in particular felt really long, I get it though its the first time ur meeting the suarez family and in no way did i NOT enjoy it, but there were indeed moments where im like DAMN ITS STILL NOT OVER cause of how tired my voice was getting LMFAO, all the other moments were rlly fun my favorite one from the dlc was where u hang out with liz on daddy day and there was an option to gift a card to cliff 🥹, his step 4 was also a bunch of fun i loved the family bonding get to do with the suarez brothers (u can just tell that i love family aus) and getting to hang out with derek made me love him more as a chr, HIS STEP 4 VOICE IS STILL A JUMPSCARE TO ME FROM HOW DRASTICALLY DIFFERENT IT IS (no hate to the va btw) STILL VERY FUNNY THOUGH HAHAHA, i made it so that Derek, kori and cove get to be neighbors before the both of them get married so now they hang out LOTS

With THE Baxter FUCKING Alexander Ward

I heard from another friend that the baxter's dlc was gonna be angsty and i was like oh hell fuckin yeah i love angst! AND THERE CERTAINLY WAS ANGST ILL TELL U THAT MUCH, since i was watching lo play through the Baxter dlc i will admit there were a few times where i spaced out cause ANOTHER fun fact, we played the dlcs like really late on my timezone so i was either drawing while Lo was playing or i was in the brink of conking the fuck out, i was able to know what was going on overall i think the ONLY moment i like fully spaced out on was when the mc and baxter were like out drinking or smth and there was this entire thing with the bartender and the singer, that specific scene in particular i was fully focusing on smth else and it wasnt till later that when i played the baxter dlc for myself that i knew what was finally going on, since me and lo have our castaways au to think abt while playing these dlcs we were building aus upon aus of what lo's mc would do when meeting with baxter again after 5 years its fun lo has never been the same since and neither have i, the angst was good soup and i can see why baxter's dlc was more expensive than derek's LMFAO

But ironically enough the dlc that made me cry was DEREKS DLC,,, that moment on the step 4 epilogue with the brothers having a heart to heart is going to be MY ROMAN EMPIRE, I FUCKING LOVE FAMILIES BRO GAUGHHHH

Anyways sorry that was unnecessarily long i could have organized my thoughts more but i dont have the patience for that so i hope u dont mind that all my thoughts and feelings were all over the place hahaha

In conclusion the dlcs was a nice content buffet 👍

[fountainpenguin]

Riddle watches New Wish - Post #19

Riddle's Extremely Specific FOP Problems

Just came from looking at screenshots I'd saved of Dev, like these ones from "A New Dev-elopment":

I don't think I've said this yet, but the funny thing about Dev is that his hair reminds me of how I draw Happy Peppy Gary, who's been one of my main doodle muses since 2016. They both have ginger spikes:

This week I actually redesigned Gary's hair by letting it grow longer and more curly in the back, so I'll keep Dev's short in the back and only spiky in the front.

They have different skin and eye colors, etc., but it is funny that like, 6(?) years ago, I put Gary in a zipper hoodie.

I do a lot of traditional art, and I'm really gonna have to do a sketchpage nailing their designs down so they look different in pencil.

My current Gary design does have a spiral in his hair since I do that for all my witches, and I don't think that'll ever come up for Dev, especially if Dale Dimm really is Dev's ancestor - the one person who's extremely UNlikely to be a witch - so... there's that.

Some old Gary sketches where he IS in his Learnatorium clothes:

I feel like I could redraw any of these poses with Dev, lol. The freckles do a ton of heavy lifting here.

....... I've been writing Ed Leadly and Gary as rivals for YEARS and this is once again adding a cruel layer of irony to my "Ed Leadly as Dev's grandpa" situation.

Every time I see this kid, I see My Boy in him.

They are the same person to me...

The Haunting of Wells House

I like how Marcus keeps calling his daughter Hazelnut. It's cute. I'm glad to see him ready to hunt the "apartment ghost" he's been after since Episode 1.

Hooray for Cosmo and Wanda acting like neighbors!

I feel like they shouldn't be giving a horror movie to a child if they haven't seen it themselves and then walk back to their room, especially since their line of work is about trauma recovery (or at least... helping kids avoid hurt). They should know better than that.

I'm so glad you can see into their apartment from the hall. Literally nothing stops you or hides their magic stuff. You can just do it...

Marcus sniffing the video while fancy dinner music plays is my everything. They're BOTH silly.

I like how Cosmo and Wanda poofed up a TV for the apartment and included cobwebs and spiders on it. I guess that makes sense; they were giving Hazel a horror movie.

Ooh, ghostly lightning spirit of the actress trapped in the video?

Hazel has learned nothing from her last experience of wishing to be part of a TV show. She's 10.

Wait, so... Cosmo and Wanda can hear Hazel's casual wish from across the hall? And poof over?

Uh, maybe we don't tell that to Dev, who just flipped out last episode when Peri didn't show up despite Dev whisper-calling for him when Vicky was putting him to work...

She... Also, I can't believe Marcus left his daughter under a heavy machine for 4 hours.

So far, our only canon fairy death fits the OG series' implied canon that only non-magical items can kill Fairies [i.e. "magic doesn't affect magic" from "Abra-catastrophe"], so I like that.

I don't have much to say. Pepper seems interesting I suppose, and I can probably have her be a friend of Blonda's in 'fic.

I enjoy Jorgen grumpily cleaning up magic messes. That feels right.

... Unclear if Jorgen is keeping a bunch of fairies locked in the basement or if he just has a shelf full of similar-looking items.

[rogersideup]

Here's my nice to be kneaded headcanon: Reader always brings him treats so Steve feels bad he's not returning something. Since he's now helping out some days a week, he starts doodling little things on post it notes and leaves it in the bakery for her to find. The first few times it's employees that find them and everyone's confused who it's from, till reader puts them all together and it's the spots she took Steve when she showed him the town. She saves them all and it looking forward to what's next on Steve's list to draw.

Nice to be Kneaded:

More fun stuff!

*Had to change up the request a bit as to not interfere with a future plotline that’s already been written.

Hidden Treasure

Can be read as a one shot, or in conjunction with Nice to be Kneaded.

Series masterlist More Fun Stuff masterlist

Nomad Steve x Baker Reader

word count: 1,664

"Hey, look at this really cool thing we found!" One of your employees, Sabrina, told you enthusiastically while quickly approaching you at your spot on the desk.

You ripped your eyes away from the product order invoice on the desktop screen to take interest in her excitement.

"What is it?" You asked, as she handed it to you.

In your hand, she placed a yellow sticky note that was drawn on with a ball point pen. An immediate smile tugged at your lips when you recognized it. It was one of the espresso machines in the lobby.

On the sticky note was a drawing of the machine itself, sitting on the counter accompanying a fresh latte. The detail was sickeningly impressive considering it was on a 3 x 3 yellow square, and drawn on with a 75¢ ball point pen.

"I was doing a quick run to wipe down all the tables after morning rush and found that stuck to the small table by the espresso bar!" Sabrina enthused. "Isn't it incredible?!"

"It's amazing" You agreed with a smile.

"I wonder who did it." She pondered as you handed it back to her.

"Maybe a customer during morning rush" You shrugged, smile still invasive. "Have you guys found any more of them or was it just this one?"

"Nope, this is the first and only one." Sabrina noted. "Maybe they'll come back and leave more."

"Well whoever it is deserves a coffee and a cookie if we catch them." You noted.

"This work of art must be cherished forever" She noted, grabbing the roll of tape and tearing off a piece. She taped the sticky note masterpiece to the wall right next to the computer. "This is the new, official, Nice to be Kneaded art museum."

That post-it stayed on the wall for two days before Steve came back into the bakery to help out with the bulk supply delivery. That's when he caught a glimpse of his drawing taped to the wall, and knew he needed to leave more for you and your employees to find around the bakery.

Day by day, week by week, the scrap paper and pen art museum on the back office wall became quite an impressive display. So much so that you eventually became ignorant to the new additions on the daily because they started to blend in with the rest. But every once in a while, you'd catch your team talking about the most recent little pieces of art so you'd go to inspect the entirety of the collection.

One particularly quiet night in the bakery, you had texted Steven to see if he wanted to hang out with you. It wasn't usually a night he'd come by, but you missed his little antics and his stupidly handsome face.

Without question, he was walking through the door of the bakery 20 minutes later. His golden hair was still slightly soggy from the shower he was taking when you grabbed his attention, and he was dressed casually and comfortably as he always was.

"Hey there, honey!" You smiled big, happy to see your best friend.

"Hello, hello!" He greeted you with a smile just as big as yours, and gave you a big hug.

One thing about Steven was that he was of the same mentality of a Great Dane, he was a lot bigger and stronger than he was aware of, yet he thought he was a lap dog. Even his gentlest of hugs engulfed your entire body, and squeezed you comfortably tight.

"Thanks for coming! It was getting real quiet and lonely in here without you."

"You know I'd never miss a chance to spend time with you." He playfully exclaimed. “Need help with anything?”

“Nothing other than curing my boredom” You shrugged.

His eyes looked over to the wall of sticky notes he had drawn on, completely unbeknownst to you and your entire staff. “What’s all of this?” He questioned, interested to hear your take on the drawings.

“Oh, that’s our art museum” You smiled. “Some unknown person has been leaving these drawings around the store for us to find.”

“Oh really?” Steve cocked his head to the side, fighting a smile.

“Yeah, it’s really fun. We all love it so much” You smiled. “It’s like finding hidden treasure, then when we find them we add them to the wall.”

“Do you have a favorite one?” He asked.

He watched your eyes scan them all over, before your pointed to one of the post-it’s. “That one, but they’re all amazing. I’m going to save them forever.”

His eyes followed your finger to the drawing he did last week of the outside of the bakery, and he could agree that it was one of his favorites too.

You could see the inside of the bakery through the windows on the front, and shining through the reflective glass was the big neon sign that read ‘Nice to be Kneaded’. There were many days where pulling into the parking lot of your cozy bakery filled him with immense comfort, and that drawing made him feel just the same way.

“I like this one” Steve pointed to the drawing he did two days ago of the back of a kid up on his tippy toes, peaking into the case full to the brim with treats.

“Awwwww that one is so cute!” You cooed.

Conversation strayed but Steve’s mind stayed fixed on the little drawings. Much like every other aspect of his life, he didn’t want to lie or keep secrets from you, but he did want to make it fun.

So, he started making it increasingly more obvious that it was him every day he spent in the bakery just to clue you in.

If you were baking cookies, he would draw the cookies.

You cleaned the glass of the bake case? Surprise. The next drawing would be of the case full of pastry with little sparkling shimmers on the glass to show it was completely finger print free.

Oh and that cake you were decorating right in front of his face? Yeah. That was tonight’s drawing.

He got every last detail, down to the different piping tips you used for the princess style, the tiny pearled beads you carefully placed at every joint and peak, and the writing on top in your beautiful handwriting that he honestly struggled to recreate.

Steve really thought this would be the one that pushed it over the edge and helped you put the pieces together, but when he walked in the next day, you said nothing about it.

Even when you looked at it and taped it up in its respective spot, you still didn’t solve the little riddles he was leaving you.

Well, that was true until about an hour later when you walked over to the computer to confirm order details on the cake you were about to start. Making sure you got all the flavors, colors, and theming right was very important to you.

He watched your eyes go from the computer screen, to the drawing you just attached to the wall, back to the computer, back to the drawing.

“Oh my gosh…” You caught his attention. “I just realized this is the cake I made yesterday!” You said happily.

“Wait… don’t you think that’s a little odd?” Steve asked, trying to push you along further into the clue.

“Why would it be?” You questioned.

“Well, if you decorated that cake last night when only you were here, then put it in the fridge for pick up early in the morning, how would the artist have even seen the cake?” Steve continued.

“Wait, you’re so right. That customer picked up at opening.” You agreed. “Oh gosh, and the day before that was a picture of the bake case, I just cleaned it the night before…”

“See, now that’s really odd.” He egged you on.

“Who the hell could this be?” You thought out loud. “Do I have a stalker.”

“Well let’s think rationally about this mystery guy. Can you think of anyone who would’ve seen you clean the bake case and decorate that cake?” Steve asked.

He watched you think for a second. “Other than us two I have no idea… You were here too. Did you see anything weird?”

“Not at all.” Steve couldn’t even hold in the laugh he was desperately trying to conceal. “So if it was just you and I…”

Before he could even finish his sentence, you remembered one very important detail about Steven.

He was an artist.

Steve could literally see the moment it clicked in your head, your face snapped into something between joy and annoyance. But you were smiling with big pink cheeks, so he really didn’t care.

“Steven!” You laughed joyfully, voice raising a few notches.

“What?!” He questioned gigging with you.

“Why didn’t you tell me it was you!” You screeched, reaching forward and very gently play hitting his arm.

“I was seeing how long it would take you to figure it out!”

“Meanie!”

“…and you said it was making you and all your employees happy!” Steve continued explaining. “Leaving drawings around the store to make you guys happy is the least I could do in exchange for how happy you and the bakery make me.”

You cheeks only deepened their blush as his explanation sunk into your mind and heart. “Honey, you already do so much for us and they don’t even know you’re here helping out. You’re appreciated by everyone regardless, and what you do here goes a long way.”

“Yeah, but, I really like making the drawings” he admitted shyly.

“We all love them too. Thanks for all you do for me, Steven.” You said sincerely.

“No, thank you.” He said humbly, his cheeks were blushed pink just like yours.

“Okay, now I just have to get these all in a picture frame…” Thought.

He laughed. “Stop it! They’re literally just post it notes!”

“One man’s post-it is another man’s masterpiece!”

[cammiluna]

For maybe half a year, I wanted an Android tablet with a pen after hating the idea for almost a decade because Android's tablet ecosystem is garbage and it lacked good art software for a while.

Currently, there's a 2024 Galaxy S6 Lite refresh that's exclusive to Amazon at around $250, and I jumped on that to try out the Android artist space again.

Since I already have a tablet PC and an ipad to do my main art projects, I didn't need a high end android tablet. Just something I can take on my regular commutes for notes and doodles which the other two devices are too bulky for.

I can tell you though, that this is pretty slow. Takes a while to load anything, charges maybe half as fast as modern phones or tablets in the $500 range, and while Clip Studio ran fine for drawing, I've had slight lag using the Concepts App. I suspect you can't make print-resolution comics with this thing, but it draws, and i do all my media consumption on other devices anyway.

Another thing to note is that the pen (which is included, yay) looks exactly the same as the S-pens that come with the normal Galaxy S models (at least my S7 from a few years ago), but it's not as weighted because there's no bluetooth hardware inside. I'm drawing with it fine, though I do switch pens sometimes.

If anyone is interested, I can write a long info post one of these days about all the S-Pen alternatives I know of and tried. At first, I was gonna save up extra money to get the new XP-Pen android tablet, but I like the flexibility of Wacom-powered EMR pens where i can choose between things like comfortable grip or something that magnetically attaches to the device or something. It's also easier to get cute cases and screen protectors for samsungs since they've been around forever!

There's three versions of the S6 lite. The new one has a slight spec bump and runs Android 14, so it should last a few years (both the XP Pen and Huion Androids are permanently stuck on Android 12). I believe the 2020 version is still supported, upgradeable to Android 13 and the third version is the 2022 version. All three are exactly the same in size and features- they just have different processors and android versions out of the box.

Conclusion:

I won't call this a beginner's tablet. If you're a beginner artist who hates apple and wants a standalone drawing tablet, but you also happen to have $500-700 standing around, splurge in getting a better tablet. If you don't like it for drawing, it can still be used for media consumption.

I don't regret this purchase because it does what I need it to in the most basic sense, but I would only recommend it if your needs for an android drawing tablet are the same as mine (super casual art and being able to try out android versions of drawing apps), or you are on a super tight budget. I believe the Galaxy S9 FE and the XP-Pen Magic Drawing Pad are good mid-tier models while the normal Galaxy S9/Plus/Ultra are the high tier.

This is probably the cheapest EMR Android tablet that comes with a pen and oh boy does the pen write so smooth!

I wish i can retire from using an ipad for art, but I need to learn how to use Clip Studio first since I've become overly-dependent on Procreate.

ah well!

[cosmosnout]

KH OC WEEK 2024

Day 6: journal

Shiro

Shiro picked up keeping a journal from being around the apprentices during their time in the organization. It was also a way for them to ease their fear of losing their memory again, since at least this time they’d have something to help them remember and keep track of everything.

Their first entries were very systematic, listing important things and people to remember with occasional entries about the events of their day. (Their journal reflected their paranoia quite a lot)

Shiro has, however, later on managed to let go of their fear a bit more, which can be seen in their diary entries becoming more casual, with occasional doodles appearing on the pages. I definitely think Shiro would also keep whatever photos they've managed to acquire in their journal. Mostly photos of people's faces they'd wish/think were important to remember, with some scenic photos scattered in there.

This ended up being a fun call back to an old KH OC WEEK entry about the character hobbies, where I included that Shiro does journaling haha.

Aiko + Merin

Aiko’s journal is very much what you’d expect a teenage girl's private diary to look like. It’s a place where she’s free to ramble on about whatever comes to mind and vent out her feelings when needed.

She tries to write down the important things happening during her journey, but she tends to end up sliding into another topic without thinking.

Merin’s part in Aiko’s journey comes mostly from her asking Aiko to write down things they need to remember for their adventures and from being quite the popular topic in Aiko’s personal ramblings. They’ve also come to use the diary as a way to talk indirectly when they aren’t able to find the right words while speaking face-to-face. (Imagine them sliding the notebook back and forth across the floor to each other after an argument bc they’re both too upset to look at one another LOL)

Viktor + Tähti

Viktor’s journal is actually just his sketchbook, which he occasionally writes important notes on. Otherwise, the book is filled with pictures and drawings rather than words. Viktor is also quite protective of his sketchbook (as any artist is) and doesn’t really like sharing it with others. He does, however, agree to write down some important things for Tähti and sometimes allows her to draw on some of the pages.

I like to think he later on upgrades to a digital tablet, where he’s able to have a proper catalogue of everything important he’s been able to learn during his adventure (similar to Jiminy’s journal) while also being able to use it for his art. iPad kid LMAO

Other

And funny enough, I don’t think Merin or Tähti would be too keen on getting their own journals later on during their journey since they’ve gotten so used to their arrangement with the siblings.

And also for clarification, since I haven’t yet posted the earlier prompts, the reason the kiddos are sharing their journals in these specific pairs is due to them getting separated from each other in those pairs. Neither Merin nor Tähti had journals to begin with, so they just opted to use the ones Aiko and Victor had.

Also a fun little detail is that Shiro’s journal is purposely made to look similar to the book of prophecies.

@khoc-week

[1000sunnygo]

🦉👒The Influence of One Piece in The Promised Neverland (A very self-indulgent post)

The straw hats worn by the girls in The Promised Neverland ch. 47 color cover were a tribute to One piece's 20th anniversary. It has always been Shirai sensei's favorite tpn illustration ever since.

An entire generation in Japan grew up following One piece. Many of the young readers from late 1900s are now the newgen mangaka currently working in Shonen jump.

Kouhei Horikoshi as a high schooler (15yo) sent a one piece fanart to Oda in 2002. Twelve years later, he starts his own manga, now promoted by One piece author Eiichiro Oda himself.

One piece got Shirai into JUMP manga.

I started reading Jump Magazine for the first time when I was in Junior High. One Piece was the trigger that made me subscribe to it like a machine, and then I thought “other manga are fun too!”, and thus became addicted.

-Kaiu Shirai (2020), The Promised Neverland artbook.

Suguru Sugita, the person Shirai submitted his og manuscript to, was Toriko's editor in charge. The following year (2014), Sugita became One Piece's manga editor (later its media editor in 2017). Sugita retired from One piece altogether in 2019, while working as TPN editor from 2016 to 2020.

The Promised Neverland + former One Piece editor, Suguru Sugita. On the right is a doodle drawn by Eiichiro Oda sensei introducing him.

"O-Sugi. This is the media editor, Sugita. Well natured, romanticist. Throws in random onomatopoeia. So drippy from head to toe that the girls avoid him. Compliments juniors on an annoying level. Has a strange dream -> ("I'll get myself a Kansai-ben speaking gf within this year!") Has lots of friends, but daydreams too much so he might not be able to get hitched soon."

From TPN's pre-serialization stage to its final days, Sugita was closely involved with both One piece and The Promised Neverland. Regardless of the difference in genre, One piece's influence in TPN is evident, many of which were suggested by editor Sugita.

Following are a compilation of details discussed in the The Promised Neverland fanbook where the author-editor duo noted the influence of One Piece in its creation.

🦉 The food, the biology

(The Promised Neverland Search for Minerva + final arc spoilers)

In One Piece, the characters can obtain special powers by eating cursed fruits called Devil Fruits (Luffy's elasticity, for example). This served as a basis for The Promised Neverland's demon biology. During early stages of TPN first arc, there was no specific concept involving demon's diet (thus we hear two demons casually talking about eating cats). Post escape, editor Sugita suggested to add the concept of 'becoming what you eat', stated to be directly inspired by One Piece (fanbook ch. 2). It was decided that the demons in TPN would be heavily dependant on human meat to maintain their sentience.

One piece x Toriko official crossover spread, two manga in JUMP where food meant a lot more than simply filling your stomach.

"Food" both a narrative and thematic tool behind One Piece, so much so that a recently popular theory is that (avoid if you want) the protagonist's secret dream at the end of his journey is to throw a massive party that would connect different races together in a brotherly bond. Each arc ends with a scene of partying and singing, a musician was one of the first crewmate positions Luffy wanted to fill in his ship.

Yugo's refusal to eat and join the table subtly hinted his refusal to partake in such bonding. It's another detail pointed out in the fanbook (ch. 3). The food scenes in One Piece had not only inspired Shirai but also Haikyuu author, Furudate Haruichi (stated in Haikyuu databook).

🦉 Characters as Inspirations

[Romance Dawn + Goldy Pond spoiler] One piece character Helmeppo was the inspiration behind Goldy Pond demon, Luce. Helmeppo was one of the earliest characters introduced in One Piece (ch.3), a weak but spoiled child of a marine officer who'd exploit his father's influence to get about anything. Luce, the youngest hunter in Goldy Pond, was the son of Dozza. Helmeppo was redeemed eventually, unlike Luce.

[Shabondy Archipelago + TPN final arc spoiler] The World Nobles in One Piece are arrogant slave-owners hailed as gods on earth for their ancestry. Lord Pupo's flashy appearance and simple-mindedness were inspired by them.

[Dressrosa + TPN final arc spoiler] Bartolomeo, an in-series fan of the protagonists, was introduced in One Piece manga at the time of Sugita's debut as One piece editor in 2014 and instantly became popular. In The Promised Neverland, Lambda kids were supposed to obey Norman in a normal manner. But editor Sugita wanted to lighten up the mood and make them goofy fanboys, inspired by Bartolomeo's success.

[Arabasta spoiler] One piece's first major antagonist Crocodile served as a base for TPN characters, mainly antagonists:

When I was drawing dignified characters for TPN, Sugita-san gave me a piece of advice called the "Crocodile Line". Whether or not Crocodile from One Piece would say such a line would determine whether or not the character (I made) was dignified enough. It was a good method. I love Crocodile so there's that too.

-Shirai in The Promised Neverland fanbook (pg. 196)

(continues in reblog 👇)

[exoticalmonde]

LUNDInium Outskirts /but it's her insane doodles/ PART IV

Me: *Casually watching my operators work on ZT-7 farming* Me: *Looks away for a second* Lessing: "Du kannst rennen, aber ich werde weiter jagen." Me:

I forgot I set all the Leithanien characters to German the day before...

--- Me: *In the base* Poz: "Doctor, if you insist on spending time together, how about we talk about your favourite books?" Me: *Pushes everything off my desk to clear space* "You just need to ask!"

--- There is no doodle for this one, but since it's HorseUncleTM merch, I wanted to show it off because the last part didn't actually feature what I was shown and how insane it looks knowing she has her entire desk COVERED with them.

---

How is RI-13 not broke yet living in holes, who knows...? Perhaps the rumours are correct and Dr. Lundi really dealing secretly with firearms on the black market of Sargon. ---

The event of Dr. Lundi half-crying on the bus back home because she couldn't stream to us BUYING the SKIN will be a core memory created based on eternal friendship. I will never be happier to wake up than I am when I see an 'Eve, can I be soggy again?' before being bombarded with Mlynar details and ramblings regardless of what I say.

There's a lot to unpack but I can't possibly ever talk about Mlynar the same way Lundi does in VC. She pulls up receipts proof of her words as well every time she mentions something.

--- We also have a new Pinkie sticker! Wahoo team!!!

Based on this --- Based on this post about our Arknights Yumeship's kid being bullied, I had a little spiral and was just thinking about different scenarios. Out of all the answers given, Kryo's is most direct and... very in character towards his sarkaz/draco child.

Lundi's also leaning towards physical aggression, instant retaliation for their little baba horse.

And then I just... imploded... (This was on the basis of the parents trying to justify their child's behaviour)

While Pinkie is not too interested on the aspect of children we've been trying to involve them more in the Yumeship questions just because their relationship with Swire/Chen is SO wholesome but they're shy to actually indulge. It's alright, we will always be there for the sugarbaby ultramind that is our friend.

You can see this conversation was very important to me.

Which is why this ART IS SO CUTE IM CRYING I LOVE THEM

---

Vigorously searched for the video, but basically, me and the Team were watching Unusual Memes from this one channel and one of them was of a guy who walked up to his neighbour/friend's home camera and said 'Well, you DON'T get to decide when to party, I want you around now.' And well... if that isn't Lundi pulling Dr. Eve out of bed during some of her emotional episodes.

In reference to this, Dr. Pinkie was upset Lundi wasn't just breaking down my door because she usually does that without asking. So some edits were applied and a part 2 has been added:

We all loved everything about this. Thank you Pinkie for always being some of the best designers and always editing things in the funniest way possible.

Me: "It looks like I'm getting kidnapped." Lundi: "Child napper."

... ... ... I JUST NOTICED THIS GIF WAS CREATED??!?!?!?!?!?!?

I'M GETTING TURNED INTO SOURDOUGH HELP ME --- Pinkie stealing Dr. Lundi's food.

--- God forbid I ever sneeze in call

--- And as some of the final doodles there's for this part, allow me a little TW about bugs because I am absolutely terrified of this thing and I am afraid that its arms are longer than mine so I can't even come into reach to kill it.

It's not my fault people make shelves so high up.

[very-grownup]

Book 85, 2023

In my second year of university, all I took was English courses, because a full course load of nothing but reading seemed like a good idea after a stressful, somewhat traumatic first year. It was a long time ago and over the course of my time at uni I read a lot, only some of it multiple versions of Beowulf, and doodled my way through hundreds of hours of lectures, but some things have stuck with me.

I think a lot about my short story (later science fiction) professor and his frustration with the colloquialising and simplification of the word 'awesome', how it had become synonymous with 'impressive' and 'cool', stripped of the nuance where it is something so impressive it frightens you. 'Awesome' is a regular part of my casual vocabulary and language evolves, but I feel for Professor Matheson; sometimes the word you need is the awesome with the deeper connotation, and it's frustrating to think a reader is going to miss the nuance of the word because of the way it's popularly used.

Which brings us to Rebecca Chambers' "A Psalm for the Wild-Built"; every word I want to use to describe it feels like it's been muddled or neutered by a combination of internet hot take discourse and marketing speak. I've settled on 'gentle', which isn't the same as 'cozy' or 'soft', 'safe' or 'unproblematic'. Gentle is mint tea, warm, hydrating, a caffeine-free invigorating that's also relaxing, but it can still burn your tongue. It's a loving cat resting in your lap, soft paws massaging your thighs with pressure that can turn to pain and blood. Gentle feels good, comforting, but there's a choice, a restraint; the capacity to hurt is still there.

A distant future, another planet, an age of robotics leading to sentient artificial intelligence, and not a conflict of man versus machine but the quiet aftermath of an agreement between humans and robots, a separation of their societies, a pact of no contact, and humans moving forward to create a post-robot society, striving always to exist fully but conscientiously.

A young monk sets off on a vague pilgrimage in response to a vague inner malaise and becomes the first human being to encounter a robot since the robots vanished into the greater wilderness. They talk and continue the pilgrimage together.

That's it.

It's a novella, not a novel, a bite-sized road tale, and Chambers builds a world with rising and falling technological ages and environmental awareness, shifting human philosophies and ways of life to support this bite with the structural soundness and visibility of a spiderweb. It manages to be a very far flung future piece of science fiction, acknowledging the mistakes and damage of human society, while envisioning something better, and also acknowledging that this is an ongoing process. There's no goalpost for a 'good' version of humanity, there's just humanity, constantly evolving and growing and learning about the world and itself and changing in response to that; that involves hard truths and hope in equal measure.

It's a smart, thoughtful, sincere book, charming and funny and cathartic. It's not a reading experience that coddles you, but it refreshes you like walking in a downpour.

If you've ever felt lost in life or lost in the woods, "A Psalm for the Wild-Built" is the book about robots you need.

[blushroom20]

BluShroom20 rambles about her Left 4 Dead 2 modding, since the game is still being pulped by exploits

Technically this could be Modded L4D2 Team doodles 2.5

The Left 4 Dead 1 Survivors don't get much of my attention in my L4D2 modding shenanigans for a few reasons. The character choices changing around a lot more being one of them.

Zoey is Inkling Girl because I'm a longtime Bowser Jr./Inkling shipper and that goes along with the Zoey/Ellis dynamic. Long ago I brainstormed a fanfic idea and everything, but it never went anywhere. She doesn't have a proper portrait though, which is one of the big reasons I want to make my own portrait mod someday.

AkiRen's spot was based on the fact I originally used a full Persona 5 survivor pack to get Akechi over Nick, and that's the spot he was in. This is noticeable in old videos/screenshots of the group, where you can still see the portraits of the other Persona 5 characters.

Eventually he was moved from Bill to Louis in order to make room for Peppino. Prior to the move, I had the TF2 Medic over Louis. I do miss having the TF2 Medic; the modmaker going out of the way to give each mercenary specific cosmetics to better match the survivors they went over was a nice touch.

Francis was a tricky one. For a decent chunk of time I had Black Frost over him, as a reference to it being one of RTGame's signature Personas in his playthrough of P5R. Eventually I wanted to add a bit of "realism" to the cast and landed on the idea of Lance from Epic Battle Fantasy. He fits the "hating nearly everything role" so why not.

Just like how I don't exactly have a model or modding expertise to insert myself over Rochelle and use Alyx Vance instead, Lance's stand in is currently a Lethal Company employee. Lance from Pokémon would have been a similar "same name, vaguely similar appearance" moment but he's not there last I checked.

Before Lethal Company, I did temporarily replace Francis with Sho Minazuki from Persona 4 Arena. Fun Fact: He shares English voice actors with Teruteru Hanamura (Todd Haberkorn)! I found this out while working on my Teru voice modding and thought having two characters voiced by the same person would be funny.

Outside the game, I have made drawings that attempt to blend some personal tweaks mixed with the survivors they replace. These range from simple things like Akechi having his gloves and striped tie, to giving other custom designs to the outfits (mainly done with Bowser Jr.). The L4D1 cast didn't get as much thought put into theirs.

I felt weird drawing Lance sleeveless since he doesn't exactly have arms full of tattoos like Francis, so I gave him the red jacket he wears in EBF5's epilogues (which is likely just the Casual Shirt/what he wore in Brawl Royale but redesigned).

I've yet to dress up Lance as a Lethal Company employee to match how I sometimes drew myself as Alyx Vance, but that might come someday.

Also shout out to @candymagnolia drawing Bill Peppino

Oct 13 2024: Updated post with a bit more detail and more mod links :)

[thetantiger]

Pride Doodles 2024!

Most of these are based off of real things I saw when me and my husband went to a pride faire this year, with my own goofy OCs as inserts. I'm going to talk about that a little bit and what it meant for me under the cut, but if you're just here for the art, all you need to know is: shoutout to that samoyed with the rainbow-dyed tail I saw.

So in order to really put into perspective as to why this pride event in particular was so meaningful to me (though, if you, reading this, are queer yourself, I'm sure the feeling isn't unfamiliar to you), let me give you a little bit of backstory. I live in rural Indiana, which is a statement in of itself. Last year I was unable to attend any pride events because me and my husband were getting married in June and, as you can imagine, being a bride the month leading up to such an event is an extremely busy time, lmao. If we could have fit it into the schedule I'm certain we would have, but it was just not possible at the time. Usually, I attend some sort of pride event every year.

Additionally, my husband's family is.. not the most supportive. I am bisexual and genderfluid, as well as demisexual (though this is not public knowledge in my real life, I'm not exactly closeted about it, I just don't bring it up a lot) and questioning polyamorous (which me and my husband are closeted about). Many members of his family regularly and casually use homophobic slurs (as well as racial ones) but his grandmother in particular is the main issue. When I first started dating my now-husband I was very forthcoming with the fact that I am genderfluid and this resulted in her somehow managing to find a way to steer the conversation into political debates surrounding trans people (trans people in sports, HRT, etc) every single time me and her interacted without fail. She has since at least slowed down about this, but highlights of conversations I've had with her since include: A, her questioning whether or not I'm actually bisexual because I've never been physically intimate with a woman (apparently being in a six month long committed relationship with somebody who thought they were a woman at the time [they're out as a trans man now] is not "bisexual enough"), B, her consistently pressuring me to dress more "feminine" because "your husband will like it better," and most recently C, where she made an entire event at dinner in a public restaurant while we were discussing planning to go to this pride faire, arguing that there should be a "straight pride parade" (and my father-in-law, bless his heart, proposed that it was as stupid as saying there should be a white history month, to which my grandmother-in-law vehemently claimed that there should be because "straight white people have been oppressed too"). I physically had to get up and leave the restaurant.

Anyway this is all to say that I was feeling particularly insecure about myself leading up to this event. It was repeatedly hammered into me that who I am was not worthy of acceptance or validation or love and even though I pride myself on being an extremely honest person about who I am and what I believe in, I felt myself repressing those things about myself. My husband has supported me through all of this (and sincerely, to that post about "please don't bring your straight cis male partners to pride," suck my fucking dick) and I cannot thank him enough for his unconditional reassurance that he loves who I am. As a matter of fact his parents were supposed to accompany us to the event but they flaked out on us, and he expressed great disappointment because he knew I was struggling with myself and that his grandmother was being bigoted and hateful and he wanted his parents to express their support by tagging along.

And then we got there.

I saw people flying their flags as capes upon their backs. I saw supportive ally parents walking alongside their kids. I saw service dogs with pride-themed vests. I saw lesbians with hand-knitted crop tops in orange and white and pink and I saw polyamorous couples enjoying each other's presence and I saw a trans woman in bright red mesh clothing and red leather heeled boots. I saw vendors selling vibrators and leather bondage harnesses with gay furry art decaled on the side of the tent and original graphic tees with giant cocks on them and yet no scarcity of asexual flags anywhere. I was offered free healthcare (though unfortunately we had crossed state lines to attend this event so I couldn't take advantage of it) and STI/STD tests and I stopped somebody to compliment their extremely well-made (and cool-looking) fursuit head and somebody else stopped me to compliment my shirt. I saw a guy just strutting down the street with his abs out, I saw amputees, I saw black women with fishnet stockings and pride-themed makeup and at least three pairs of men I'm nearly certain were partners and I felt at home. I was stopped by an older woman, who offered me a "glitter blessing." I asked what that was and she half-explained it to me and I offered her my hand. She put glitter on my hand, and told me I was loved, that I was accepted, that there will always be a place for me, and to never lose my sparkle and I cried right there in the street.

To see so many people come together, to love each other (platonically or otherwise!) unconditionally and to support one another, to craft a safe space for each other and to see people like me, unapologetic and unfiltered.. it meant the world to me. It meant everything to me.

My online friends are extremely supportive of me and my 60+ characters that are almost all unanimously queer. I've expressed insecurity about making so many of them queer, convinced it was redundant or tiring or "shoving it down their throat" and was only met with "okay and? make that bitch gay anyway." I can't thank them enough either, but sometimes you'll always run into that person that will never accept who you are no matter how "palatable" you attempt to make yourself. No matter how many shavings of yourself you lose trying desperately to smooth out the edges to please other people. No matter how much you try to conform.

So.. I've been reminded of something: to be myself. No matter how much I have to kick and claw and bite and gnash, nothing is more important than being myself. Nothing is more important than never losing myself for the illusion of acceptance from people who will never be convinced anyway.

Nothing is more important than never losing my sparkle, one could say. But perhaps that's a little cheesy.

And to anybody that can't publicly celebrate, to people that have to stay closeted for any reason, whether you're in a country that'll kill you for it or a household that'll leave you homeless for it or maybe you're just simply not ready yet, as I've said before; know that you being alive as a queer person is a radical protest in of itself to those who would have it otherwise.

I love you so much. Happy pride <3

[threeshotsofespressou]

Arien/Ballister headcanons

This is just a thread of headcanons with Ballister and Arien, an OC made by goldenheart-supremacy. Bro also made fics and arts so go check them, they are really nice to read. Helped me with my headache. First one is focused on Goldenheart, second one includes more stuff with Arien.

Also this post is bloody subjective so I'm not claiming that it would happen if Arien was real.

(also I'm writing it while being sick so It might lack logic)

So there's my impression of dynamics between Ballister and Arien

Throughout fanfic, Arien helps Ballister with flowers, even though at the time Bal had not so good reputation. He does it with "Ugh, fine" attitude since it means actually doing something. But the thigh is, he becomes one of those people who can see the real side of Ballister, even though he doesn't interact with him as much.

Therefore, I think his attitude towards Ballister will obviously change. And for me personally it would change from "Neutral" (you exist, but I don't really care) to "Positive neutral" (you exist, and I'm okay with this).

So at the moment when Ballister hugged him after all his help, I'm sure he didn't really mind it and was pretty much like "Mm, It's fine". I'm also convinced that he pushed Ballister off himself is bc Ambrosius was watching, so the more they stayed like that, more headache he will gain himself in the future. Maybe if Ambi wasn't there, he either will wait for him to let go or will ask "You're done?" if he wears out of patience.

I also think that he might've help him sometimes, not straight up but still. For example: - He might've seen Ballister sneak up to train more, but if guards asked him, he will say he saw nothing (although he might just think "snitches get stitches")

- Flower language. Because what if HE was the one to give the idea to gift Sunflowers? Like if he visited his sister (and she after a talk with Ballister thought about the best option of flowers might've asked Arien about his opinion with no particular context) and suggested sunflowers. Bc now I'm convinced that if this man has a nerdy side then he will be nerd for flowers. Probably will know every meaning and peculiarities.

- Arien might've been one of the reasons Ambrosius understood his feelings for Bal. Bc if someone hugs your "friend" you won't react like that person just kidnapped your puppy.

HOWEVER I also think that he will also not hesitate to help him straight up, just not so active. Like when he gave him his cloak, although he might've not and simply not care. Another thing that caught my sick brain is possibility that Arien helped Bal with training, adding little notes of why Bal wasn't able to do some things correctly (since Arien and other knights were a bit more experienced at the beginning)

Quick to adulthood. I want to think that they sometimes can chat nicely about casual stuff, just getting to know each other nicely without pushing too much, enjoying each other's company. So maybe they will trust each other enough with some personal stuff they don't normally tell people. I just thought about the scene where they both looking at the kingdom from the wall, accidentally meeting each other before, casually talking, which ended up with some deep personal things. And at this exact moment when both will suddenly realize that "Oh. We are friends" or something like that. Bc they won't say it out loud, especially Arien - he will think that it's unnecessary.

That's pretty much it. I can write much more but my brain is dying so no, not today. I'll just leave you with dirty Arien doodle which I tried to draw but ended up hating.

[mostspecialgirl]

the flg redesigns could not be going better

meaningless oc rambling and doodles below the cut

recently i’ve found myself slowly latching back onto flg with the thread of hastur sr. and achelo becoming planeswalkers after the main story. i’ve always planned on achelo working under dana in hundred nights, but with the more recent recontextualization of the kailash clan (in regards to the connection of the ancients to nyarlathotep) it’s only right that hastur sr. joins him. as such, now i’m kind of just thinking about everyone again.

since nobody really got to watch or read FLG while Rough Copy and its adaptation were floating around on the net, i can really overwrite whatever i want. chaos galaron, my sweet (deceased) baby is no longer titled Cosmic Devil, but i’ve chosen to have him be “Spacecreep” because if he’s a vintage supervillain, he deserves a name befitting of such. i think his new design was a swing and a home run. i’ve kept what was important about his original design while drawing him closer to nepenth’s (his nephew) redesign. it’s the perfect middle, and is better than the old one by leagues. so good i’m reconsidering killing him off, but that would completely undermine nepenth’s awesome character arc.

i’m thinking of having nepenth initially inheriting the name of spacecreep (like in the original story) but inevitably becoming 'cosmic devil' when he grows into his own.

but speaking of names, i think the name of “TBA” the actual fucking main antagonist of the story, the one i’ve labored over and thought about for literal years of my life, the one who this whole time had simply been named “To Be Announced”….. i think i’m going to give him the hero name of Mankind. it fits for everything his character is! so that is what it shall be! adding the blue to his outfit was a genius move on my part because if you invert it…. you get hastur sr’s yellow

R.I.P THE RED CAPE OF JUSTICE 💔 you will not particularly be missed

mr. “wave king” reaper also got a minor redesign, though, most of his old design isn’t visible here. i think his new face structure suits him well, and helps him deviate from my multitude of skull faced OC’s. also present in this doodle is his salmon wife who has remained completely unchanged. here’s an extra doodle i dont have posted anywhere but here

i’d like to keep his bath robe, though

hastur sr’s redesigning is far from done though. my glorious king in yellow will surely have a multitude of designs to cycle through until he feels just right. not to mention the fact he needs 3 separate designs for “The Worlds Worst Villain”, “The Scholar In Yellow” and “My Shitty Deadbeat Dad They Put In A Big Ass Battery”. maybe even one more for sundown/post-main series. i’ll have a lot to puzzle out with that. i’m thinking about toning down his tentacle motif, and in turn, likely hastur jr’s as well. it’s such an important design to FLG and could change the whole series from here on out. it isn’t set in stone, though. i’ve always been a sucker for hastur jr weaving his tentacles together like muscle fibres to form giant arms and shit. so maybe i’ll let him keep them in some form, maybe in his given power.

he’ll have to keep the tentacle power in some form

bla bla bla i’m tired and there’s not much else i really much else i have to ramble about. i guess i’m glad i can draw achelo now instead of making him have a weird squid head. you’re free now. I’d like to draw him in some more casual clothes though so I can better visualize him as he is in hundred nights. i also have to figure out how i want to visually represent his Archive ability, but seeing as i’ve now read 10000 manhwa with some kind of System Ability, i doubt it’ll be very hard for me.

next time i’ll be sure to redesign nuclear winter. and probably a couple others too, i guess.

[fowl-leaf]

my 2023 summary of art!

Template:here

still not consistently posting anywhere, but I like doing these. they're fun there's a lot of things i would've liked to include but had to exclude, due to not being shareable on this account. maybe i'll have more stuff next year!

this is long, so details under the cut

JANUARY silly lizard oc i generally dont do much single line hatching, so it was nice to fiddle with it this time

FEBRUARY the wittle scrunkly lizard last time i drew this one, they were an lps shitpost, so its nice to like draw them normally lol

MARCH herman is running out of time glasses axolotl but make him neon idk

APRIL fancy calico i honestly dont know whats up with the clothes, i just kinda drew whatever tbh

MAY yippie!! toontown oc! was playing ttcc w/shard and co, this is the character i ended up making i also got covid around april-march iirc so i was feeling horrid for a while (and the remaining symptoms didnt clear up till like june)

JUNE an oc i got years ago but didnt have the confidence to draw for a while lmao anyways i like her colors and shape, she's fun

JULY mandatory artfight posting this was one of the last ones i did! ocs belong to pookapooka and they were so fun to paint

idk if ill be doing artfight again tbh. ive been doing it consistently since sun vs moon but its honestly felt less fun ever since the tiktok invasion`and how ppls behavior has changed, and especially since the whole ownership thing that happened mid fight this year. (not interested in any of the alternatives ive seen either bc they have the same issues, notably worse issues, or are not furry friendly) but tbh that might just be me being disenchanted with online art spaces due to the intensifying shittification of basically everything, fucking rip

AUGUST ring but hes going to jail (again but for real this time) the staxie monthly prompt was barbie mugshots but i . . . i did this with ring and lumos and promptly forgor to do this with cakes and ale like i was planning to lmfao im actually gonna watch the barbie movie tonight, renting it so i can watch it on the big tv (didnt watch in theaters bc expensive (movie tickets are generally 15-25 bucks in my area (compared to the 5-10 in my aunt's area (renting is cheaper per person)), and they changed the chairs to these weird uncomfy pleather recliners that make my skin crawl to "justify the price raise" + i hate sitting for more than an hour i need water, bathroom, stretch, and snack breaks))

SEPTEMBER ganache went over the hedge was very busy w/projects so i did little casual art this was inspired by me comparing the over the hedge version of supermarket by ben folds (upbeat & high energy) vs the one by the clash (melancholy + commercial-induced agony) ever since then i cant stop thinking abt how much the lemon demon guy's voice sounds like the fucking clash guy sdjkhfkjsd also over the hedge was one of my favorite movies as a kid and i watched it at least 10 times before we had to return the dvd to netflix. i also regularly played the flash games on the site until i forgot about it after finding out about miniclip + notdoppler from other kids and decided to use those for flash games instead bc more options lol

OCTOBER dta img for a new oc i got, funny long neck budgie thingy busy w/projects again so little casual art had to use old mini tablet bc previous tablet was completely unusable fucking rip

NOVEMBER ganache + cactus pony, they want to know if you have any bubblegum. do you? busy w/projects again so little casual art doodle i made in heavypaint (one of the old layerless versions, i bought a lisence for it a while ago.) i got a new tablet on black friday since the mini tablet was horrible + my broken tablet was making me work very slow

DECEMBER ring in the void (this is lore accurate) or as nic put it, "fucked up twilight sparkle" lol busy w/projects + gifts so little casual art i actually sketched this w/the mini tablet, but didnt finish it up till getting the new tablet

---

for reading this far, you get to see amogus.

i would've put amogus whisper on the chart but decided against it since im not done with that one yet lmao

[em0tionl0rd]

Dear friends,

For anyone who has been a long-time follower or hasn't heard from me in a long time, years even, or has ever wondered/worried about me, this is for you:

The past few years have folded over like an accordion for me. A lot of horrible/terrible things have happened. And my memory is no longer what it used to be. My mind seems to naturally cope with trauma and any negative interactions by locking them away deep within it's confines. Despite this, I always try to stay positive, because I know nobody likes to hear about bad things because it only makes them feel bad. Worse, they feel bad for me, and I don't need need people's sympathy. I just need time to heal, and that's what I have been doing; Taking my time. Previous post on the matter.

It was just One thing after Another, for Years, and my mind's trauma response was to simply cope and continue to endure helplessly instead of push myself away from the situation I was in. You can really see this with my lack of activity on here through my Archive. (not including my art side-blog since I tend to just mass dump whatever art and doodles I've accumulated over there). I was active on Twitter for a bit during Tumblrs downturn, but then Twitter changed. I nuked my art account over there. It's empty. All the posts I made to nobody about my characters and headworld, gone. All because I didn't want my art and ideas stolen and used for Al training.

My main Twitter remains active. I just use it to reblog art now and casually tweet about stuff. Initially I used Twitter to follow content creators, but as my timeline got cluttered, I made alts to follow specific topics. I started using my main to follow news and current issues, and my art account to follow artists and content creators, which I still do, but I retweet to my main only. Then all my art likes stay on my art account and don't comingle with political issues.

I was going to work, and while I would work, I just kept thinking, non-stop. Thinking about all the bad things. Failing to distract myself with my own characters and my story universe. Unintentionally over-sharing with coworkers because at some point in my life I learned how to cope with my anxiety by talking, and talking, and talking.. Unintentionally forming bonds with people I should have never associated with because I felt so desperate for real human interaction other than what I imagined in my head. Something other than my daemons, my conscience, my delusions. The swirling thoughts, the nightmares, the dreams that haunted me just as much as my reality.

Every week, for years, I was experiencing these nightmares. Something would manifest in my room. I could sense it was there. I couldn't escape it. Even if I went to bed and tried my best not to think about it, it would get me. It enjoyed tormenting me.

I started to stay up later and later, fearing laying bed and being prone to this unseen entity. Hoping that depriving myself of sleep would help me fall asleep faster and whisk me away to the sanctity of dreams, but even then, I wasn't safe. If I ever overslept, or didn't do enough to make myself tired before bed, it would find me. If it was merely psychosis, I couldn't tell, because it felt so real.

Eventually, after everything I went through with my ex, things changed for the better, when it came to sleep at least. There was no longer a shadowy presence standing there, grinning at me feet from my bed, or watching me at my desk, waiting for me to go to bed. Instead, there were actual hallucinations. Sleep depravation had taken it's toll on me. My ex had kept me awake many, many nights during my workweek, and forced me to drink with him, or made noise that kept me awake because he would stay up all night.

I distinctly remember watching these long brown withered fingers reaching out of the utility closet in the bedroom while we were both sleeping, and shaking the door violently as if it were trying to get out/in. My eyes were open just enough while I was asleep for this to fully wake me up and scare me. I remember turning over to my ex whimpering and he didn't even care..

Then when he was finally gone (for good), I continued to hallucinate. I had gotten into such a habit of staying up, on top of my uncomfortable sleeping situation due to work related physical pain (among other things), that I started seeing full-body characters dancing in my doorframe. This was completely new to me because before, it was less of a visual hallucination and more like THERE IS A GHOST RIGHT THERE, and now it was more like my eyes were legit not working properly. I just remember staring at my door and seeing all the Digimon characters, full color and everything, dancing and moving around like my eyes were projecting a perfect recreation of them.

I noticed in the past that if I binged a certain amount of content, my eyes would start generating new versions of what I was looking at whenever I closed my eyes. Like my brain could take all this information and create something completely unique and original, which amazed me. For example, whenever I would browse Deviantart and look at character designs or dragons or something, I would close my eyes and every time I closed my eyes I would see a completely new and unique fleshed out design in full color. The downside was that they were usually too detailed for me to do justice in drawing.

I also just see ever-changing generic psychedelic patterns and colorful concentric waves at the edges of my vision. The only time I ever see these properly with my eyes fully open is if I'm staring at the ceiling or the grass or if I press my arm against my eyes. Then there was the one time I was flying out of LA and had taken a 1g thc tab while sleep deprived and noticed a little blob of rainbows in the plane window after take-off. (my ex pushed alcohol and weed on me really hard despite me not wanting anything to do with it bc i don't need it)

So anyway, I had binge watched Digimon Adventure and was now seeing all of the characters in my bedroom door. That was a new one for me. Before I would just stare at the cottage cheese patterned ceiling and try to make out characters in the bumps. I did this my whole life as I had the same ceiling as a kid at my childhood home.

I went back and watched Digimon because I never really got to watch it as a kid and had vague memories of it being overly-dramatic (I was like maybe 4-5) and My Gosh that show goes hard for a kids show. Completely unrelated to my rambling but I wish more kids shows were comfortable tackling such hard-hitting issues, my gosh. Modern media is too soft and probably sets a bad example of reality. (my dad let me watch gory horror movies, rated r flicks, and explicit 90s anime as a kid so who am i to talk)

Before my ex and around the time the nightmares started, I started having surreal auditory hallucinations while half awake. I remember waking up to a small black geometric object floating above my face with blue lines running across it's surface. I was in the thralls of sleep paralysis and felt like it was just floating there above my face watching me. Another time, while my niece was over, I remember hearing something at the top of my stairs, clawing at the carpet and growling at me. For context, I was living in my mom's attic. It was relatively small, with low ceiling, and carpeted.

This thing that was growling at me and snarling genuinely worried me because my niece started developing very strange behavioral issues around this time, but I won't get into that here. I don't think people want to hear my supernatural/paranormal psychology ramblings. I'm just happy that after talking to my mom about it my niece is getting some much needed help. I was so worried that I remember breaking down and crying over it at work.

I felt like something was attached to my niece, and that thing was sort of a manifestation of that that only I could hear while I was half awake. Before it climbed the stairs and started growling, I distictly remember hearing it mimicking my nieces laughter (she was just a baby). And the way it dug it's claws into the carpet and growled, this guttural snarl, I couldn't tell what it was. It felt inhuman.

Around this time, because I was so isolated, and generally miserable, all the research I had been doing into various paranormal and metaphysical phenomena had taken a detrimental toll on my mental health. As you can clearly tell from all of this rambling about things unseen. I started believing that lizard people were real and lived on Saturn. Yes, because I read it on someone's blog. And because of that, I started to be attacked in my sleep by what I can only describe as something reptilian in nature. It somehow had the ability to appear before me and put me into sleep paralysis, pick me up, and send me to the shadow realm (or at least that's what it felt like) where it would claw and bite and do unspeakable things to me while I was unable to move or fight back or even scream.

These experiences carried over after my mom kicked me out. They followed me to my apartment, and they stuck with me for a majority of the time I was with my ex. Part of me really hoped that living with a real living breathing human being would help me out of my psychosis, but that was kind of hard given that he was an actual sociopath and psycho himself. I had no grounding in reality other than work. Work started feeling like an escape. And talking with coworkers even more-so.

For context, my mom did nothing to help. Both of my parents have mental health issues, and I don't want to talk about it. I'm saving that for my biography. My mom kicked me out because the internship program she forced me into in 2018-2019 didn't get me employed right away, so I ended up living with a social worker for a short while who was also a pet foster. It was a bit chaotic with all the animals but I was able to get a job and my own place and get away from my mom which was good. Also my mom was drinking when she decided to come upstairs and lecture me (again) for 2+ hours about how useless I was.

As you can tell, there was already plenty of fuel on the fire for my mental health issues to spiral out of control. I started to neglect my art, my characters, my story, my wellbeing. Yet I somehow managed to keep it together, for the most part. Enough to be employable and push myself to socialize more at work and be personable and friendly. It helps to be overly self-conscious of how I come off to people due to being bullied throughout HS for being "weird"..

I felt like I peaked in 2014-2015 while I was still in Highschool and spent most of my time outside of school hanging out with friends in Minecraft servers. I was having so much fun despite my circumstances, but then the balance shifted in a really bad direction. At one point I was even living with my grandma in an even worse situation back in 2017 just because I was that desperate to get away from my mom.

While in my internship program I realized how freeing it was to be out in the city during the day while taking the bus to work. I was far away from home back in that small farm town and got to spend time at the mall every day which was cool. I got to see the city in fall and winter and it translated well into living on my own bc I had already familiarized myself with the bus routes enough to continue using them when I got another job. I also used them when I was with my ex to get out. Other than that I biked to work. More on that later.

And during my downtime in this program I spent so much time drawing. It was like being back in class in Highschool and sitting at my desk and doodling while the teacher was talking. (it was literally the same) Other than that, I spent most of my time on my laptop doing whatever I could to distract myself from my current situation out of habit. I'd draw digitally, but I struggled to motivate myself to do anything useful with it.

For a long time I relied on Youtube and social media as an escape and a distraction from my problems. Frequently venting to friends online. Paragraph after paragraph. Driving them crazy. Even driving people away. I just didn't know what to do because I felt so helpless. I even became active in the local metaphysical community. I took classes and became a certified psychic (not kidding). I met and attended classes with a paranormal psychologist. And I hung out with a wizard. (RIP)

Needless to say, I think metaphysics and spirituality are bunk at this point. I only see value in maybe paranormal psychology, because at the end of the day, it is literally all in our heads, even if our heads are literally a window into another world sometimes (even if said other world is just dreams and imagination). Taking a huge step back from my interest in the paranormal genuinely helped me heal and become better about handling myself, where I was no longer letting illusory entities harass me in my sleep.

I remember sitting in bed that fateful night and just saying in my head to myself, "This is all in my head and I am the one in control". Then I never got attacked again. Something I didn't mention throughout this whole spiel was that I had an imaginary friend and I frequently imagined myself doing the dirty with said imaginary friend (who is also a character of mine). The "attacks" were simply an escalation of all the kinky shit in my head and all the bullshit alien conspiracies I had been immersing myself in. I had let myself get to a point where I genuinely believed that something else was controlling me outside of myself. Very not mentally healthy if you ask me.

Near the end I remember having to make sure my bedroom door and closet doors were closed, and to cover my eyes and ears with something just to prevent them from playing tricks on me while I slept.

Anyways, lucid dreams, daydreams, OBEs, and sleep paralysis had become normalized to me at a young age. I frequently dreamed about flying and imagining characters in my head. It genuinely became an escape and coping mechanism for me, especially with the creation of an imaginary friend as a teenager because I struggled to make real meaningful friends. Changing schools several times didn't help that of course. I still experience these things and still enjoy them but don't take them as seriously anymore, but they're still fun, even addicting at times. I feel like the human mind is an endlessly deep pool that continues to amaze me at times.

As for my ex boyfriend, god.. It was like dating Murdoc irl, but somehow worse, and sadder. I wanted that Stockholm Syndrome abusive boyfriend relationship sooo badly. Like I felt I needed to be punished for being such an outcast. He Almost killed me. Aside from the few bicycle accidents on the way to work, I think what he did will leave me limping and struggling to walk for the rest of my life.

Also fuck the creep I met at my last job. Holy shit, now that guy was Literally insane. I genuinely hope his kid will be okay. (why the fuck does he have a child holy shit)

Lastly, I am doing better. At least I think I am. It's hard to tell. I'm just happy to be drawing again and enjoying it. After all the BS I went through over the past few years, I actually got pretty rusty so a lot of what I'm drawing might get dumped on my art blog, but in the meantime, I'm just happy I'm posting art and people are enjoying it as much as I do. I haven't felt this stable about my art in a long time. Getting out of that apartment and away from the city and all of those negative memories weighing me down was a huge step in the right direction.

If you read all of this for whatever reason, good for you. Have a gold star. Lemme know if you would read my biography. I have plenty more fucked up stories where these came from, and this is just incoherent rambling that skips most of the awful details.