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pierregasly · 4 years

Note

Would love to hear your full take on Pierre,,,

Sorry this took me a few days to get to, I meant to answer it immediately but never found the motivation :( Anyways, onto Pierre.

I believe you are commenting on a post of mine where I stated my fear that the Middle Generation of drivers (Charles, Carlos, Pierre and Max specifically) have/are going to miss out on opportunities and will never reach their full potential in F1. This is similar to what happened to the “Lost Generation” which is comprised of drivers such as Daniel, Kevin, Nico and Checo. To reiterate something that another asker was confused about: it has nothing to do with talent. The generations are not lumped together based on talent but based on their similar ages/entrance into F1 and I am speaking on the wasted potential that this group never got to achieve. (For example, Nico’s full potential was podiums--he never got here. And Daniel’s full potential was a championship--which he’ll never get.)

I am not going to waste your time and state what I said briefly about Charles, Carlos and Max but I will go into depth more so about what I hardly touched upon with Pierre. As I said, Pierre is a phenomenal talent. As much as his podium and race win may have proven it to the world, many still call him a “luck driver” who is not good enough for a higher team. This is, obviously, because of his time at Red Bull dramatically overshadowed his career.

I started following Pierre around 2017 when I first got interested in F1 because of the history. In 2017 he wasn’t racing in Europe but in Super Formula so I took the time to catch up on his career thus far (I will go into depth on this in a moment). I didn’t start watching F1 until 2018 and the only driver (non-historical) I really was attached to was Pierre (others would comes later). Obviously, if you remember, Pierre ended up taking P5 in qualifying and P4 in a Toro Rosso in front of the whole world in only a few races at Bahrain. It was absolutely incredible and for the rest of the season until his Red Bull announcement, Pierre was dishing points place after points place after points place in only his first full season in F1. Therefore, while it was only his FIRST FULL SEASON, the jump to Red Bull ultimately felt justified.

Of course, this did not end up being the case. Our joy over Pierre getting to be in a higher team made us completely and utterly forget the track record Red Bull has left with its second drivers. For those of you who are new to F1 (either coming in 2019, mid-2019 or 2020) you missed out on Pierre’s debut season which was fantastic for the car he was given. Furthermore, if you came in during mid-2019 or 2020 and you think that the treatment RB gave to Alex is horrible--you are hardly touching the surface. The treatment that RB is giving Alex versus Pierre is like taking your sons on summer vacation and then having one of them sleep on the comfy twin bed with two blankets and the other kid on the floor without so much as PJs. We haven’t even touched upon Daniil. Daniil would be like the parents leaving the kid outside to sleep.

Let’s move on. It is very easy to look at Pierre’s season and tout only negative things. It was not his best moment and, yes, he certainly could’ve done better. However, with what he was given? Are we even sure about that? For example, Pierre become open with the media following his demotion. Not only did RB leave it to the very last moment but they also would:

1) Use Pierre’s car and car parts to test Max.

2) When Pierre requested a more experienced engineer, he was denied. However, when Alex requested the same thing, he was given it.

3) RB consistently spoke horribly of him in front of the media. They constantly spoke that he needed to do better and never tried to build him up.

4) Emotionally pressured Pierre to his breaking limit.

Now the difference between RB and many other teams is that when the going gets tough for their drivers, many teams choose to build their drivers up to set them up for success. RB’s method is to tear their drivers down and hope that they can pick up their own pieces once they become annoyed with humiliation. The demotion was far, far too quick. Think of Alex--he has been getting worse and worse and worse with a year and half of time at Red Bull. Pierre managed half a season before they gave him the boot. The boot was also without warning even despite Pierre getting better and better each race.

This is all information you probably already know, I said earlier I would touch upon his younger career and how this has been overshadowed and forgotten due to his time at RB. Here are some facts/statistics that will be important for my point later:

Finished 3rd in the French F4 championship with four wins, two poles and seven podiums over the course of only fourteen races despite having three retirements (the 2nd placer had 0 and the 1st placer only had 1).

In his first season at Eurocup Formula Renault 2.0 he finished 10th of 51 different racers and every person but one who finished before him in the championship was older than him. Pierre was only 16 when Stoffel V was 20, Daniil K was 18, Oliver R was 20, Norman N was 20, Nyck V was 17, Paul L was 21, Oscar T was 16, Melville M was 18 and Alex R was 18.

In his second season of Eurocup Formula Renault 2.0 he finished first in front of the likes of Esteban Ocon, Oliver Rowland, Jake Dennis, Nyck de Vries, Luca Ghitto and Alexander Albon.

Finished 6th in the 2013 Formula Renault 2.0 Alps Series despite missing half of the season and there being 42 competitors total (everyone ahead of him completed the full season).

Finished 2nd of 28 competitors in the 2014 Formula Renault 3.5 Series and lost to none other than Carlos Sainz Jr.

Finished 1st in his second full season of GP2 (now formally classified as F2).

The GP2 race he won in Silverstone happened right after a huge roadcar accident in which his mother ended up in the hospital. Pierre himself fractured his vertebrae and still went on to win the race while his mother was in the hospital and he had a broken bone.

Was called in to replace a Renault edams driver in Formula E. He was jet lagged, tired and got only a few hours in the sims. He still managed to secure P4 in qualifying and then was set for a P3 finish but he crashed into the wall on the last corner of the last lap and came home in P4. THIS WAS HIS FIRST TIME EVER IN AN FE RACE OR AN FE CAR.

Finished second in Super Formula in 2017 but lost by only half a point. One of the races in the season was abandoned when he was set to win because of flooding and storm. Had it not been abandoned he would’ve finished first at the end of the season.

All this pretty much brings you up to speed to when he entered into F1 (which all his amazing stuff you should be familiar with). Moving more onto my “take” regarding Pierre. I have shown evidence for why he is an incredible driver, however, now we’re moving onto the not so great bit. I suppose I must answer one question before I move on.

Do I think Pierre is good enough, against all the rest of the talent in F1, to get consistent podiums if given the proper car? Absolutely. Do I think Pierre is good enough, against all the rest of the talent in F1, to get consistent wins if given the proper car? Absolutely. Do I think Pierre is good enough, against all the rest of the talent in F1, to fight/win a championship one day if given the proper car? This I firmly believe is possible (other thing I’ll get into if someone wants).

The reason I worry and am distressed about Pierre is because I don’t believe he’ll ever get a go at a higher team again. RB really put a shadow over his career, a shadow that is going to worry other teams from placing him into their cars. He has ultimately proven himself with podiums and, of course, the race win. However, seeing as there is so much young talent coming into F1, I don't see there being a place for him.

Mercedes is set to most likely be Max and George when Lewis retires. Red Bull would never dare to put him in that seat again. Ferrari has their “golden generation” of Charles and Mick to look after. And those are the seemingly “top teams” (if you can even all Ferrari that). Let’s look at the others. Racing Point is going to be Lance and Seb until Seb retires. I don’t see Pierre ever going to Alpha Romeo. And McLaren is set up for the next few years with Lando and Daniel. Haas--I don’t think so. This is ultimately dangerous for Pierre’s career because RB likes to keep fresh meat in their B team car (or if you trust Horner it’s their “sister team” lol). Pierre’s best chance is the escape the RB family. AND I UNDERSTAND that the regulations could make things VERY different in F1 for the future. These are just my hypothesis and guesses--all is subjective and up to interpretation so @ anybody reading this--relax, buddy. So where does Pierre fit in in the future? These are some scenarios I have conjured up.

1) Mercedes. Let’s say that, possibly. Max never ends up moving into that second Merc seat and instead remains at RB wasting away until they can get him a better car for the rest of his career (ooo burn sorry it’s for the scenario don’t hate me). This would open up a place at Merc for Pierre to truly shine his potential. Most likely, he would play second fiddle to George but hey--it’s still a seat where can utilize that potential.

2) Red Bull. This would be if they get desperate. I don’t think if given a second chance, Pierre would say no. If Max were still in the team, he would be second fiddle. I can see Pierre going to RB if Max leaves for Merc in the next few years and they want him to lead Yuki or if Yuki doesn’t shine in AT and they end up dropping him they are going to be slim Pickens... I don’t know if being at RB will give him a place where he can utilize his potential but it’s a possibility.

3) Ferrari. This would be only a chance if Mick doesn’t do great in Alpha Romeo and they need someone to fill the seat of their obvious place holder Carlos. He would be alongside Charles. Other than that.... Ferrari seems pretty set and there isn’t any space.

4) McLaren. This I don’t see as very possible? I would love to see him in orange but they seem pretty set with Daniel and Lando. I think Daniel is probably going to ride out the end of his career there. Lando seems very integrated into the team and I can’t see him leaving unless he got a better offer like Merc. If Max didn’t end up taking the second Merc seat in the future and remains at RB then Lando might be given an offer which would open up a place that Pierre could possibly take. Do I count this as realistic? Not really, but it could happen. At McLaren I could see Pierre utilizing his potential.

5) Renault. This is one of the options that seems most realistic to me. They're set with Fernando for the next few years. If they decided, after 2021, to give the boot to Esteban, that would open up a place for Pierre in a French team that would love a French driver (they already have one but Pierre is a FRENCH WINNER). You know that teams loves their nationalism.... Anyways. Or, possibly, Fernando retires after two years (again lol) which would open up a seat for Pierre to take along Esteban. However, I don’t really see Esteban staying long term because Renault probably needs to put one of their Renault babies like Guanyu or Christian in there.

6) Williams. Lol. No.

7) Haas. I don’t see it happening really??? I have my reasons but my gut just says... Au revoir.

8) Racing Point. THIS. This I see as 100% 100% a possibility. Let’s say that Seb retires after two years--this would open up a seat. Pierre is a strong, consistent and stable driver who doesn’t make mistakes. Here he could really use his potential!! #PierreInGreen!!

9) Alpha Romeo. As I said... I really don’t see it. They seem pretty busy with all their young guys.

So to conclude, the future for Pierre lies at either Renault or Racing Point (less chance but possible includes Merc to McLaren). To not take up any more of your time, this is what I mean by Pierre being an incredible talent who may or may not get a chance at a higher team. He deserves to have more and to have a second chance. He has really proven himself and is pulling the absolutely maximum out of himself. I really want to see him with more, like he deserves.

Even Charles wanted him as his teammate at Ferrari back in April... that’s saying even more. Everyone on the grid except Esteban rate him highly as a person and as a driver. His potential deserves smth better. He has proven himself time and time again against everyone who told him he wasn't good enough and who still say it was all just luck. There exists luck. But firmer than luck, there exists skill.

Pierre Gasly is a race winner in an Alpha Tauri. Do not forget that.

#oh fuck this is long lol #pierre gasly #flood pressles box #sincerely anonymous

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misskikuwrites · 5 years

Text

Opening up Yoosung Kim

n//s//f//w 18+ only!

Yoosung/reader (mystic messenger)

Originally posted on ao3 in 2017

“Yoosung… can I… open my present now?” you asked, raising a coy eyebrow as you took a single step closer to him. He looked up at you, confusion in his eyes. He saw the heat in yours, the way you chewed on your bottom lip, and found himself warming. He realised how quiet his apartment was at that moment, how it was just the two of you, and that there was something in your eyes he’d seen before in his dreams. The kind of dreams he wouldn’t repeat to anyone.

“Wh-What?” He swallowed thickly. You stepped closer to him still, just a breath away, and tilted your head forward as if to kiss him. He mirrored you, eyes going to your lips and fluttering shut. You stopped him with a hand flat on his chest. You lay it there for a moment, letting his breath dust your mouth, feeling the quickening pace of his heart, before dragging your hand down slowly.

“You,” you breathed against his lips. “You’re my present, remember?”

He sucked in a breath, short and sharp and delicious. When he exhaled, it faltered between you. His cheeks burned and when you drew a hand to his neck, thumb sliding across his pulse, it jumped beneath your touch. He was reacting to you, to your touch, so perfectly. You drew a finger to the buttons on his shirt, tugging it lightly. His eyes had blown wide with want, desire, and the slightest fear.

He didn’t know how to answer, didn’t know if the words would form in his throat, so he did what he could. He closed the distance between your lips and kissed you.

It was gentle at first, as his kisses always were. Soft and pliant and just a little unsure. He was testing the waters now, hands going to your hips and gripping softly. His touch was warm, your skin fluttering with heat. With a finger hooked around his buttons, you drew him closer, harder, against your lips, deepening the kiss. He reciprocated immediately.

His lips parted against yours. His hands dragged around your back, sliding up and down, feeling every inch of your curves. You were alight beneath him. It was all you could do to get closer, pulling him towards you by his collar. You worked his buttons one by one, your lips never parting for more than a moment. It was sloppy and heated and when you dragged your tongue against his bottom lip, he gasped in return. The sounds he made sent heat pooling to your core. You wanted to hear him gasp and moan and cry your name. Your tongue danced across his bottom lip before slipping through them and meeting his waiting tongue.

This territory was new for you both. You fumbled through it, teeth clacking, tongues brushing together, tracing his teeth, the roof of his mouth, before he pried at your tongue with his lips. It had you gasping now, and he took that moment to delve his tongue into your mouth. He tasted you as you had him. Like you were a sweet he’d longed for, imagined tasting, one he’d desired for so long. You sucked on his tongue, he moaned and then you were kissing harder than before. He pulled you flush against him and a broken moan spilled from his lips as you pressed up against the prominent reaction he was having.

You were panting now, mind spinning. This was happening. Really happening. With the last of his buttons undone, you slipped his shirt off his shoulders and dragged your hands down his bare chest. He shivered beneath your touch, muscles clenching, flexing from your cold fingers.

“C-Can we –?” Yoosung stammered, breathing hard against your lips. His eyes were half-lidded as he rested his forehead against yours. He gave you a tug, pulling you with a small step towards his room. “B-Bedroom,” he managed to choke, and you were quick to follow. You kissed him all the way to his room, through the door, and even as he fell to his bed and you straddled his lap.

You wanted more. To be closer, to satisfy the aching desire between your legs. You hooked your arms around his neck to balance yourself and rolled your hips against the obvious tent in his pants. The broken groan he sounded was perfect and delicious and sent a spear of warmth right to your centre. He kissed down your neck as you rolled your hips again. The friction was amazing. Like nothing you’d felt before, nothing like your hand in the privacy of your own room. You were nervous and eager, more than eager, and to have him feel the same only fuelled your desire.

Yoosung fumbled with your shirt before you helped him tug it over your head. He took his mouth to your newly exposed skin, to your collarbones, sucking and tugging each with his lips and tongue. He moaned against your skin when you rocked in slow, tortuously slow movements against him. In response, he sucked harder on the flesh above your breasts, right above your bra. That had you gasping. His lips stole away with a pop. He was relishing and exploring your exposed skin not just with his teeth and tongue and lips but with his hands. They ghosted over your hips. They dragged up your stomach and he chuckled when you shivered, when your stomach jumped beneath his touch.

You were just as warm as he was. Your cheeks just as red. The heat pooling between your legs burned as hot as your face. When he laughed, you felt the rumble right against you. You never thought being so close to someone could be so embarrassing and heated and perfect at the same time. You wanted him here and now but you wanted to drag this on for an eternity. But the way his gasps, his ragged moans, were becoming short and breathless, you knew he teetering on the edge. You slowed down your movements, stilling against him, and he whined against your neck.

God. You just wanted to hear him cum right now.

“I want you,” you breathed into his ear, eliciting a sharp gasp from him. You’d had enough of this slow build up and slipped off your bra before tugging off your pants. His eyes blew wider than before, going straight to your breasts, as if he’d never seen breasts before. You bit your lip, struggling to hold back a laugh, and when he cupped your breasts it was all you could do not to shiver and moan. He pinched and pulled at your nipples, rolling the flesh between his fingers as your own went to his pants. You didn’t want to rush this but your mind was clouded with want and desire and you really needed to satisfy the need between your legs.

All you did was touch the button of his pants and his hips bucked. He was so reactive you would’ve loved to tease him, to see how many moans you could draw out of him, see him whimper and shiver from your hand alone, but you desperately wanted him now. You freed him from the confines of his pants and a hand blanketed his eyes in embarrassment. A dark stain coloured his boxers from where the tip of his cock lay. The cloth tented prominently and when you drew a finger down his length he rolled his head back and moaned. It was deep and broken and you really needed to hear that again.

His fingers dug into your hips when you did that a second time. “P-Please,” he moaned, gasping for breath between his moans as he stared at you. He pleaded with his moans, with his heavy breaths. You captured his lips as a reply and shifted around him, laying yourself down on his bed. He crawled over you and kissed you in return. It was slower now, tentative, as it was really beginning to sink in what you were about to do. There were only two articles of clothing separating you now as you raised your hips to his. You loved the way he gasped against your mouth. The way his eyes darkened, meeting yours, reflecting the want in your own eyes. He rocked his hips against yours once, twice, as he ran a finger across the band of your panties.

He didn’t ask but you nodded anyway and he slipped your panties off, dragging them down your legs before you kicked them off and to the floor. The cold air against your bare core had you shivering. You parted your legs, saw the instant his eyes caught the movement, the very first time he saw you bare and open and waiting for him.

You didn’t realise he could blush so hard.

You could tell he wanted more. He wanted to touch you, to explore you fully with his fingers, as they drifted down your hips but you wanted him now. No more waiting. You lifted your hips off the mattress, revealing yourself fully to him.

“I want you,” you said pointedly again. You sighed as you sank down into the mattress. “Please.”

Yoosung had his boxers off in the next moment and moved so that his tip was right before your entrance. He paused, meeting your eyes, casing them for unease, for any indication that you were unsure. You raised yourself up to kiss him and his uncertainty shattered. He pushed the tip of his cock into you with a heavy moan. You stretched around him, lifting your hips up to accommodate him as he filled you inch by inch. His gasps for air, his breaths riddled with pleasure, sounded right by your ear. He trembled as he pushed his hips against yours until he was fully inside you. Not a shred of distance remained between your bodies.

When you rolled your hips he moaned into your ear. The deepest, most breathless moan he’d given yet. He was straining to contain himself, fingers clenching into the blankets on either side of you, forcing himself to meet your movements as slow and tortuous as they were. It didn’t stay that way for long. With every thrust, every heated movement, he wanted more, until he was leading this dance and forgot everything else. All that mattered was you and this moment. He pulled out of you almost completely before thrusting in deeper. He grabbed your hips as your arms wound around his neck. The only sounds between you was the sweaty slapping of skin against skin and the groans and gasps that were either his or yours.

He couldn’t tell anymore.

When he reached forward and touched your clit, rolling it beneath his thumb, your hips shot up to meet his with a broken moan spilling from your lips. Your movements became frantic. The pressure built and built between you with every thrust. He gasped with every rock of his hips into your ears. His head dropped to your shoulder as he moved faster and harder, no longer pulling out fully as he just thrusted repeatedly. Your name was on his lips, shattering into moans and his fingers were tipping you over the edge.

You cried his name as he moaned yours and shuddered against you with quick, heavy thrusts as he spent himself. The last of his thrusts, the last quick presses of his thumb to your clit had you climaxing. You clenched around him and he moaned deeper. His pleasure spilled into yours and you fed off his as everything blurred around you.

He pulled out and flopped beside you with ragged breaths, a hand clasped over his eyes as if he could hide what you’d just done together. He panted, lungs heaving, as you came down from your high and rolled over to kiss his cheek. He slid his hand down just enough so he could glance at you. The burning red on his cheeks was perfect.

“You’re so cute, Yoosung,” you said, amazed at how breathless you sounded.

“C-Cute?” he gaped. His mouth downturned though he couldn’t hide the sparkle in his eyes. “I thought… after that you’d think I was… handsome or something…”

“How about sexy?” you moved closer to him, gave his lips a quick peck.

He flushed darker. “O-Okay. That’s better… I guess…”

You laughed. “I’m kidding, Yoosung. You’re handsome. Very handsome.” You dragged a hand down his bare chest and up again. He shivered and snatched up your hand, giving it a warm squeeze.

“I love you,” he said. The embarrassment had faded and he faced you fully. He grinned, unable to contain the love in his eyes.

You smiled back. “I love you too.”

#smut #mystic messenger #yoosung kim #reader insert

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passingdays · 4 years

Text

Austin Obermeyer, If you were to ever google your name & this came up:

it’s October 25th 2020. I learned of your engagement a week ago through social media. However, let’s start at the beginning of our timeline.

September 2016:

Matched on Tinder, I remember telling you about a scholarship I got and you immediately wanted to celebrate. We planned a time to meet. I sent videos of me goofy dancing to you, and you jokingly called me the basic white girl stereotype. I rode up to Lincoln with my sister and met you for the first time. You kissed me and you had just shaved so it hurt but I didn’t mind. We played music on each other’s phones to guess the artist before I left. You texted me immediately saying it was the best first date you ever had. I went to Lincoln the following weekend and spent the day with you. We got Chipotle, snuck into Dont Breathe and you couldn’t stop kissing my head through the movie. Like it was a habit. Like you were going to be doing it for the rest of your life. We went to a party that night, I got way too drunk and threw up on your shoes, telling you I was going to fall in love with you. Someone from your frat drove us back and we snuggled and immediately fell asleep. I came out to you about my suicide attempt while at work, still remember the feeling of leaning down on the cold, metal, table and crying as you told me you couldn’t imagine it being successful and not meeting me

October 2016

I ask you to come to Valas for my moms office party and you agreed. I got to your house before you did and sat in the kitchen and talked with your mom. You walked in, put your hands on my shoulders and acted and bickered with your mom over her telling me about your childhood stories. We take the back roads to get there. We do the normal activities, you pulled me into the corn maze and kissed me. You kissed me like you’d been waiting to do it all day. We walked out of the corn maze giggling as if we got away with something. My birthday comes up. You bring me to Ihop and make a joke about me being a gold digger because you just got paid for being a DD for your frat’s party. We came back to my house and watched legally blonde. You kissed me goodbye and said you’d see me that night. I celebrate with my friends and immediately go to your house. You asked if I wanted to smoke with you. We drove to a field and smoked. We went back to your house and you went to shower. I was coming up the stairs to join you when you were walking down in a towel to get me. You said “Hey you” and kissed me on the forehead. We showered to XO by Eden on repeat. I can’t listen to that song to this day. One night you got drunk and said that you wanted me. You wanted me forever and you didn’t know what the future held but for now, I was yours and that’s all you cared about. We fought about long distance later that day due to me going to ISU and you going to Lincoln. I told you I didn’t want to keep getting attached to you if we were just going to break up when I went to college. You told me you understood and you were sorry. I tried to take it back, I tried so hard to take it back, take you back, but I couldn’t. You told me you were scared for me and almost called an ambulance for me. I lashed out and told you that you pretended the whole time. You didn’t respond. I wrote you an apology letter and mailed it to your house. You texted me weeks later stating that the letter meant the world to you, and you forgave me. We said goodbye.

August 2017

I was moving into my dorm at Iowa State. I checked my phone and saw that you followed my instagram. My stomach dropped. I stood in the middle of the room with tears streaming down my cheeks, missing you all over again. You never liked my pictures and I never liked yours.

May 2018

I was scrolling through tinder and saw your profile. I swiped right and my stomach dropped when nothing happened. I was in the target parking lot when you matched with me. I screamed. I started jumping up and down and skipping to the entrance. You sent the first message. “Still as cute as ever I see”. I couldn’t stop smiling. I couldn’t stop thinking about how there was another chance for us. You asked me to come over when I got home. I came home and sat on your floor while you laid in bed, just catching up. I thanked you for not letting me go to Lincoln to be with you. You winked at me, saying you knew me. I never doubted that for a second. You told me about going on tour with TWLOHA. That was your dream. I was so excited for you, but my heart hurt knowing another goodbye was coming.

June-July 2018

We met up between your breaks, you told me stories from tour and I told her you about the crazy customers that were coming into my job. We snuggled and kissed and I will never be able to forget the smell of that ratty cream colored blanket on your bed. It smelt like you. Nothing made me more comfortable and safe. You introduced me to your favorite movie and I compared it to Wall-E. It became an ongoing inside joke between us. After leaving your house one night, you texted me saying “I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I’m always going to care for you, but I still can’t do long distance”. I told him I understood and you stated that we would stay best friends.

August 2018

You were back from tour. We shared more stories and experiences. You had a checklist of everything you wanted to do with the money you got from the tour; Getting a dog being on the list. I immediately looked up the humane society and saw they had puppies. I followed you to your house in Gretna to get in your car with you to go. You told me they had your dream dog at Tulleys and we had to go there first. The first dog was wild, bit a hole in my shirt, we couldn’t stop laughing. The second one just snuggled right into your lap. You called your mom and as she told you no, you said you were not asking for permission, just giving a heads up. We brought her out to the car and she fell asleep on my lap. We brainstormed names, landing on Daisy. I carried her through PetSmart while you got supplies before bringing her back to your moms house. I went back to Ames for school the next day, but before I left, you told me you needed to get Daisy acclimated for road trips so you could bring her to Ames. I went to Ames praying to a god I don’t even believe in that dog would always remind you of me. We kept in touch off and on for a few days before telling me you had to bring Daisy back. You said you cried, I cried. I was terrified that you wouldn’t think of me anymore without a constant reminder such as a dog we got together. That was our last conversation for months.

February 2019

I was in class and saw your name on my phone and my stomach dropped. You were sending an inside joke. I couldn’t stop smiling. You were thinking of me. I was still part of your life. You invited me to a 3OH!3 concert in Des Moines. We planned the weekend around it. You cancelled two days before saying your professor moved an exam to a night exam instead. My heart hurt but not because I missed the concert. I wanted to see you. I told you I understood and that was our last message for awhile.

April 2019

We were texting off and on throughout the month, I told you I was seeing Bazzi and you told me I was killing it when I sent you a picture. I thought of you throughout the entire concert.

May 2019

We hang out when I get back from Ames. I crawled into your bed and buried my face into that blanket and was instantly at peace. I was with my person. You told me you were going to Israel to study abroad for a few weeks. You called me at 4am one night to tell me about following a couple random men to a club, telling me that you could’ve been killed but it was an adventure. We talked on the phone for an hour before saying goodbye until he was back home.

June-July 2019

We go mini golfing, we’re laughing and at complete ease. I never wanted it to end. Conversation didn’t drag, silence wasn’t uncomfortable, it was everything I thought love was. I knew I was in love with you. I’d always known but it was when we were eating our rolled ice cream afterward in comfortable silence that I knew I was completely in love with you. We spent the summer going through the motions of a relationship, neither of us addressing what things were.

August 2019:

I asked what we were, and you reiterated that we were best friends. I told you that I couldn’t handle doing romantic activities such as kissing and cuddling and talking about futures if we were never going to get there. I had upset you, and that was the last conversation we had for months.

March 2020:

I was sent home from school for COVID-19, I swiped through every dating app trying to find you. Did not look at pictures, if the person wasn’t named Austin I didn’t look twice. I found you on Bumble with your bio saying “msw uno” I gathered the courage to text you after not getting a match for weeks. I was terrified to text you, terrified you were still upset with me. I tried to keep it light hearted to test the waters and you came back with your usual responses. We fell back into our old patterns. I was in your bed many nights, pulling your blanket up to my chin for that sense of comfort of your smell. You said you got a job working as a dispatcher. I was happy for you, but hurt that we were going to be in two different places once again. Just once, I wanted it to be us.

April 2020

You texted me you moved to Lincoln to be closer to work and your friends. I asked you if you thought we would ever have a future, if you could even fathom me being your future. You told me you “definitely saw me” that way, but there was no way you were ready for a relationship or anything serious. We discussed staying friends.

May 2020:

You texted me on May 31st to come to your parents house. You said you missed me. I told you I couldn’t blur the lines anymore, it hurt too much to lose you every time you left again. You left the invitation open. I never went.

October 2020

I texted you about your favorite movie being on a girls backpack at work and referenced walle like we used to. You never responded. i was having a girls night with my friends, I asked to go through her social media’s because I didn’t have mine anymore and wanted to look at what people were up to. I saw your profile picture. I saw the ring on her finger. I couldn’t breathe. I took 8 of my friends xanax that night because I didn’t want to mentally aware that you were officially gone, that you officially decided that I was not the one you wanted. I took 3 days off work because I could not contain my crying. I was numb. my heart hurt. I was not good enough.

Just four months prior you texted me to come over. Just five months prior you told me you were not in any way shape or form ready for a relationship. Now you are engaged. Planning a life with someone. Envisioning the future with someone else when for the last 3 years I always thought it was going to be us. I always thought you’d come back when you were ready. You never did. I feel so many things. I can’t contain my feelings. Everyone is watching me with an eagles eye waiting for me to fully lose it. I sincerely hope you are happy. I just wish more than anything that it was with me. Me, the one to change your mind about relationships, change your mind about the lifestyle you wanted to have. I just wish more than anything that it was me.

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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864

What was your last facebook status? Hmm I share posts a lot and add my own captions, but I never upload my own statuses unless I’m changing my profile photo. That being said, my last post involved making fun of our military. What color is the wall in your kitchen? All our walls are white, but there’s a part of the kitchen where the lower half of the wall is made up of coral-ish tiles. Last time you were in a group shot? My best guess would be late April when we took a family photo for my parents’ 23rd wedding anniversary. Other than that, my phone tells me that the last group shot I took with my friends was taken on February 7th. Damn. Last time you dressed formally? I think it was Feb 2017 because that was the last debut I remember going to. At what age did you go through puberty? I was a bit of an early bird lol, I got my period a few weeks after turning 10.

Last time you got an xray? 2016. I needed multiple medical tests before I was allowed to enroll in my university, and it was during those tests that doctors found out I have scoliosis so I needed some X-rays done for the school to see if PE was gonna be a problem for me. What is the stupidest show on television? I don’t watch a lot of TV these days but uhhhh I never saw the appeal of reality shows that have some dating gimmick. Do you enjoy photo editing? Nah. I’ve never understood how Photoshop works. Do you pluck/wax your eyebrows? I pluck them because of anxiety, not because of maintenance. Have you ever owned a blacklight? Sure. When I was a kid I loooooved invisible pen + blacklight kits; always thought they were the coolest thing and they always made me feel like a big badass detective haha. Do you own a coloring book? Yessssss. I’m pretty sure this blog was able to cover my coloring phase two years ago. I haven’t touched my coloring books in a while, but that just means I’ve been doing okay. And that’s a real good thing. Do you shop at a dollar store? Obviously not, but we do have stores that kinda have the same gimmick. One that I can think of is Daiso (it’s actually a Japanese chain but whatever) which sells most of their stuff at ₱88. If I need something for the short-term, I’ll sometimes get it from there. Do you do any winter sports? ...No. Which is worse: Snakes, Scorpions or Spiders? I’ll go with scorpions, because I had an uncle who kept this scorpion figurine and always told me scary stories about them, so for the longest time I’ve associated scorpions with danger and venom and just generally the feeling of being scared of them. Is there an attic and/or a basement in your house? We have neither.

Do you own duct tape? My parents probably have a roll in their room but I have no reason to have one of my own. Do you own a jack knife? Nope. When was the last time you ordered something online? November. I was buying Christmas presents.

Have you ever been bitten by a tick? No, but they’ve walked on me before. I'm always able to feel and catch them, though. Do you prefer blackberries or raspberries? No preference. What color is your mom’s car? I’m not actually sure who pays for our cars, but our main family cars are white and blue-greenish. Do you like flavored water? I’ve never had it before and I’m not interested. I drink water because I find its tasteless-ness refreshing, so to drink water with flavor is super pointless to me. Do you watch wrestling? You asked the right person ;) Hahaha I love wrestling, but I can’t say that I watch recent episodes. I don’t find the storylines as captivating these days, so it has also meant that I mostly don’t know who the newer wrestlers are anymore. But even if that’s the case, I’m never completely away from wrestling because I still subscribe to wrestling-themed YouTube channels and stay updated with wrestling news sites.

Do you enjoy cranberry juice? No, but my mom is nuts about them. We always have two or three bottles of cranberry juice in the fridge at a time. I personally think it smells terrible, but I don’t like fruits. Do you drink? Yes. Do you have unwanted facial hair? Nope. Do you know the difference between "possum" and "oppossum"?` No. Have you ever had a bird or a squirrel in your house? I’ve had countless birds sit on my windowsill, but they never went inside. We don’t have squirrels. What label would you give your clothing style? Soft girl, trendy, chic. How far away is the closest mall? Two minutes away from the main entrance of our village. How many gingers do you know? Zero. Do people often misspell your name? Yes, but I don’t make a fuss about it because to be fair, mine is the uncommon spelling of the name. I do get annoyed when people *who already know me* still misspell it, though. What is your sexual orientation? Demi. At least that’s the one that makes most sense to me in the meantime. I prefer not to put a label on myself.

Do you know another language? Yes indeed. Do you think sloths are cute? Sure, but there are cuter animals. Are you reading a book currently? Not at the moment, but I really should find another memoir to read. How many hours do you work a week? 0. How high off the ground is your bed? Idk, it’s standard bed height lol. It’s high enough for me not to allow Cooper to start jumping off of it yet, but low enough for my feet to reach the floor. Do you have a tv in your room? I used to; the PS3 also used to be in my room for some reason. Once we noticed that my brother would always come over my room to use my TV and the PS3, we just moved both things to his room. Do you wear a lot of plaid? I wore a plaid skirt everyday from kindergarten to high school. I don’t think I’ve worn plaid since. I didn’t end up hating the pattern but I do just need a fucking break from it lol What do you think about gauged ears? Personally not a fan. It makes me wince :( But like I always say, you do you. Do you text a lot? I used to, before the quarantine. There’s no reason to get load now that I’m just at home all day, all week, and all month, so I’ve stopped texting indefinitely. How often do you go camping? I’ve never even been. What is the cutest breed of dog? I find all of them cute except for chihuahuas and pugs. I also feel bad for some mixed-breeds like golden retriever corgis... Do you own a cat? My sister used to. I never had one of my own. What are the initials of your high school? AA. What are your initials? RIAC. Do you do dishes by hand or dish washer? By hand. I don’t know any one Filipino house that has a dishwasher lol that’s definitely always been a first-world concept to me.

#survey #surveys

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tcm · 6 years

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Leslie Caron in AN AMERICAN IN PARIS and GIGI by Susan King

Hollywood studios were going through a maelstrom of changes in in the 1950s with the loss of audiences to television. To combat Uncle Miltie and I Love Lucy, studios introduced such innovations as CinemaScope, stereophonic sound and 3D and MGM released two sumptuous musicals from the studio’s top musical producer, Arthur Freed, and top musical director, Vincente Minnelli: 1951’s AN AMERICAN IN PARIS and 1958’s GIGI. An American in Paris ended up taking home six Oscars beating out the likes of A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE and A PLACE IN THE SUN for the top Academy Award and GIGI won nine Oscars. Besides best film, GIGI also won in such categories as best director, song, screenplay, cinematographer, scoring and costume design.

Both films also starred Leslie Caron, one of the studio’s last major contract players, who was plucked as a teenager by AN AMERICAN IN PARIS star and choreographer Gene Kelly from the Paris ballet world. Patricia Ward Kelly, the widow of Gene Kelly, told me in a 2017 L.A. Times interview, that there had been many rumors about who would play Lise, the beautiful young Parisian woman who becomes the object of the affection for a former World War II G.I., now a painter in the City of Light.

For years, it was thought that Cyd Charisse had originally been cast but had to leave because she was pregnant.

False.

“Gene tested two women,” said Patricia Kelly. “Odile Versois and Leslie Caron.”

Kelly was in Paris in 1948 and saw Caron as the Sphinx in La recontre at the Les Ballets des Champs-Élysées. He was so enchanted he went back stage to meet her, but the young woman had gone home to bed.

“I didn’t know about this ritual of waiting in your dressing room for people to come and shake your hands and say ‘Marvelous, darling,”’ Caron told me in a 2002 L.A Times interview.

She also didn’t have a clue who Kelly was. A year later, she met him at the Hotel George V. “He made me read a little bit and said ‘Tomorrow, let’s make a test.’ I can’t say I was dying to become a movie star. It wasn’t in my plans. Then one day there was a phone call.” And she shortly found herself in Hollywood. “I was sad to leave my friends at the ballet,” Caron confessed.”

The highlight of AN AMERICAN IN PARIS, which featured the classic standards of George and Ira Gershwin, is the innovative, groundbreaking 17 ½ minute ballet set to George Gershwin’s jazz inspired orchestral piece.

Caron, who was battling from mononucleosis during the film, remembered that the rehearsal period for the ballet lasted six weeks. “We had a whole ballet company put together,” she said. “We had a ballet master who would come in the morning and to class. The whole film took eight months to film.”

By the time she reunited with Minnelli for GIGI, Caron was a major star who had earned a best actress Oscar nomination for 1953’s Lili.

Considered MGM’s last great musical, GIGI is based on the 1944 story by Collette and is the story of a young Parisian courtesan-in-training whose friendship with a handsome playboy (Louis Jourdan) transforms into love.

Maurice Chevalier and Hermione Gingold also star in the film that features an exquisite score from Alan Jay Lerner and Frederick Loewe including the Oscar-winning title tune, “The Night They Invented Champagne” and “I Remember It Well.” But, let’s face it. In the #MeToo era, having foxy grandpa Chevalier singing “Thank Heaven for Little Girls” has taken on new meaning.

Caron adored Minnelli. “He called me ‘Angel’ and that was enough,” she said. “He was so sensitive and had such an elegance and rhythm.”

Though the interiors were shot at MGM studios, exteriors were shot in Paris during the summer of 1957. Unfortunately, the weather wreaked havoc with production. “We were working a lot at the ice rink and at Maxim’s and the entrances and exits of quite a lot of remarkable buildings,” Caron said “But it was extremely slow because we had to deal with a lot of rain. Sometimes, we only had one take. At the same time, there was rain, there was also a heat wave. Everybody caught colds.”

#Leslie Caron #Gigi #An American in Paris #Gene Kelly #Susan King

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fernwehbookworm · 5 years

Text

Woke The F*ck Up- Chapter 9

September 29th, 2017

The week passed miserably slow. Kara had been looking forward to hopping on a plane and visiting her girlfriend. She was lucky that no one but Cat Grant figured out the mystery woman that Lena Luthor was seeing. It was everywhere though. For the first time, since her first album, Lena Luthor had an ongoing love interest. It was confirmed by Lena's Instagram with the photos from Kara's various trips, none actually showing Kara's face but enough to confirm that each was the same person. Kara, on the other hand, was slowly withdrawing from any form of media. She deleted her hardly used Facebook and Twitter then took down most the photos of herself or friends on Instagram. Searching for Kara Danvers mostly just brought up her MMA career and the charity fight she had recently won against Leslie Willis along with the CatCo article.

Friday night became take out Chinese and Winn coming over to hang out. Alex had a date with Maggie and said they were going to the gun range, which of course caused Kara to laugh but her sister couldn't be happier. The two crimefighters settle into the couch, Winn's high tech laptop running a program he invented to alert them of major crimes. Winn was scanning Netflix for something to watch while Kara searched for cash for the delivery person who should be there any minute.

“I got it,” Kara says when she hears the knock at the door. Winn grunts as he keeps his gaze fixated on the screen. Kara unlocks the door and opens it.

“Lena!” There she was, standing in Kara's doorway, in National City, in America.

“Surprise!” Lena smiles at Kara.

“But… how? I mean I thought… I thought you had a thing.”

“I did. Or I thought I did. Jess is sneaky. I didn't even know we were headed here until we touched down at the airport.”

“You have to give her raise,” Kara said, finally over her shock, and pulls Lena in for a kiss.

“Trust me, she is the most well paid personal assistant in the world,” Lena says after the kiss.

“Kara! Hurry up, I'm starving!” Winn calls from the living room.

“Is that Winn?”

“Yeah, we were going to hang out tonight.”

“Oh well, I shouldn't interrupt. You can just call me when you're done.”

“Are you crazy? I see Winn every day.” Kara firmly pulls Lena inside the apartment.

“Change of plans Winn. You're leaving.”

“Wha… Oh, hey Lena. Yup, I'm leaving.”

“Hey, Winn. Sorry to interrupt. What's that?” Lena indicates the laptop and the complicated program running. Green and black lines of code overlaying the city. Random bleeps of light pinging over the screen.

“Nothing, just a program I'm testing out. Okay, I'll see you later.” Winn hurriedly shuts the laptop and stuffs it in his bag.

“Here Winn, get yourself something to eat on the way home.” Kara hands him the cash she got for the delivery.

Winn leaves and the delivery boy is just on the other side. Before Kara can go hunt down more money, Lena is already pulling some out of her wallet. The couple digs into the food, sitting at the table, legs tangled under it and hands touching as they reach for various containers.

“I just can't believe you are here. I mean in National City.”

“Me either. But this is so much better than whatever interview or promotional thing Jess got me out of.”

After eating they cuddle up on the couch. Wrapped in each other. Innocent touches become far less so in the need for each other after several weeks apart. Kara's fingers were moving in Lena right there on the couch, Lena coming undone after weeks of near celibacy. She had tried to masturbate but nothing was working for her besides when she and Kara had spent some time speaking on the phone. Now, with Kara worshiping her body she knew why. Kara had ruined her because now this is what her body craved. The words of affirmation pouring out of Kara's mouth were exactly what Lena needed most.

“Cum for me, beautiful,” Kara whispers and Lena does, because she would buy the moon for Kara if she asked it. They are even still half-dressed as Kara lays on top of Lena on the surprisingly comfortable couch. Lena had only managed to get Kara's shirt off before Kara removed Lena's pants and went to work.

“Bed?” Lena asks.

“Yes, please. I'm exhausted.” Kara says sleepily.

“Well that wasn't what I was thinking but if you don't want to then we can sleep.”

“It's been a long week Lee. Honestly, I just want to hold you because I'm still not sure if this was real.” Lena laughs softly at the awe in Kara’s voice.

“Trust me, that orgasm was very real,” Lena says and Kara laughs too, then stands and helps Lena to her feet.

“Good to know. But I meant you being here. Well, this whole relationship and everything.” Kara pulls her from the couch and to her bed. Kara wraps herself around Lena like a Koala on a tree.

“Trust me. I think it's more surreal for me. I don't even know why I agreed to that first date. I don't date. Ever. But something in your eyes just begged me to say yes.”

“I think it was the great pick up line,” Kara mumbles, sleepily. Lena begins running her fingers through Kara's hair as she pillows her head on Lena’s breasts. They were just so soft.

“That might have been it. Or for once I knew someone wanted me for me. You wanted the messy hair and baggy sweatshirt. Not the professionally styled singer.”

“I think…” Kara yawns, “I think I prefer the sweatshirt.”

“Shhh… go to sleep. We have two whole days.” Kara squeezes Lena tight before letting her body relax, the comfortable weight of her settling on Lena.

September 30th, 2017

A ringing intrudes Kara ears and she groggily detaches herself from Lena and the warm bed. She stumbles through the dark and out of her bedroom. Her phone was on the kitchen counter, she peers at the caller and then the time, two a.m. It's Winn so it can only mean one thing.

“What is it?” Kara asks softly.

“Kara, they got James. I was on the phone with him while he was working on something. Then I heard a scuffle and the line went dead. I traced the phones last origin to a place I've been suspecting as a Cadmus base.”

“Shit. I told him… never mind this isn't the time. Send me the location. If he isn't dead I am seriously going to kill him.” Kara quickly grabs her keys and scrawls a note to Lena that James’ needed help with something and leaves it on her pillow. Kara changes into the extra suit stashed in her bike right there in the garage, hoping no one would be around this late. Without incident, she hops on her now red, blue and gold bike and speeds to where Winn is showing her on her phone, connected to the high tech, dash.

The place looks like an abandoned apartment building. Boarded up windows and broken steps. Kara can see lights near the top just barely yellowing the windows. It peeks through cracks in the boards, clearly not wanting to be seen. No guards at the front door, or the back when Kara circles around. Still not risking it, Kara pulls the grappling hook and pulls herself up to the roof. There is only five floors but there is still a roof access door. Holes speckle the roof so Kara tests each step as she slowly makes her way to the door and down to the top floor. She hears voices on the floor below her. They are angry. Then a sound of flesh hitting flesh. Kara tries to quicken her pace but the floor squeaks in the hallway and she freezes. Silence falls below.

“What was that?” One man says.

“How the hell should I know? I'm here with you.” Says a second man.

“Well go look, you idiot.” Says the first.

Kara hears footsteps as the man noisily makes his way to her. She takes the opportunity to duck into the next room. Light shines through the cracks in the floor. Kara is just above the room where she assumes they are holding James. The man is thudding up the steps. Kara lays flat on the ground to peer below her. On the opposite side of the room, James is tied to a chair, face bruised and bloodied. The second man is pacing, waiting for his partner that Kara can hear moving around in the next room as he searches. The floor looks weak enough. Kara waits by the door for the man to enter. In a swift move, Kara punches the man in the stomach and the flips him over hard. The man crashes through the already weak floor and into the center of the room. Debris falls on to the pacing man, knocking him out too.

Kara jumps through her new entrance and pulls out a small knife. Quickly, she cuts the ropes binding James and catches him with one arm before he collapses.

“Whoa, there big guy.” She says, voice distorted by the modulator.

“There's…” he tries.

“Shhhh… I’m getting you out of here.” Kara touches her Comm.

“I got him. He's not good. Bring the van.”

“There’s... three.”

“What?” Kara asks.

“Three…” James tries again. A gun clicks behind Kara. A man came in from the next room where Kara failed to look.

“Three of us.” He says. Kara throws the knife, it hits the man in the chest, sinking deep, but not before the gun goes off. The impact of the bullet hits Kara's shoulder and throws her against the wall. Her head hits hard.

When she comes to, Kara is staring up at bright lights. In a fog she looks around, she is in the base. Winn watches her anxiously from his chair. Kara reaches a hand up to touch the source of the throbbing on the back of her head, it's pretty tender but no blood. That reminds her of the bullet. She looks down. Winn must have taken off the suit, leaving her in a tank top and pants, dark bruising already forming on her chest.

“Ah, what happened?”

“You saved my life.” James’ deep voice says from behind her. Kara starts and turns around.

“James.” Is all she can say.

His face was black and blue, blood dried below his nose. A split lip made his speech a little heavy. But otherwise, he was standing and okay. Then she spins back around and glares at Winn.

“What the hell is he doing here?!”

“I-I couldn't carry you myself. And he figured it out when I showed up so it seemed kind of pointless. And I couldn't drive your bike but he could and…”

“Enough. We will talk about this later. All of us.” Kara pointedly looks at James.

“What time is it?” Kara asks.

“Almost five. Why?” James asks.

“Because I left my girlfriend asleep in my bed because someone had to go and get themselves kidnapped!” Kara quickly throws on a spare shirt she kept in the base and a leather jacket before grabbing her helmet.

“Wait, Kara, you could have a concussion.” Winn tries to stop her.

“I'm fine. I need to get back before she wakes up.” Kara brushes past her friend and starts the bike. She pushes the button for the garage door and zooms out. Traffic is thankfully light this early on a Saturday morning. She makes it back in ten minutes. Kara strips off the pants which were still the armored red and blue from her suit and throws them under the bed and collapses next to the beautiful raven-haired girl.

“Kara?” She asks sleepily.

“Shhh… I'm here.”

“Where did you go?” Lena wraps her arms around Kara's waist before settling her head on Kara's chest.

“James needed extra eyes for a steak out. He didn't want to go alone. I'm sorry. I'm back.”

“You’re safe?” She asks, peering up at the blonde.

“We ran into some trouble, nothing I couldn't handle. James is kind of rough and I got hit in the shoulder.” Kara says, trying to stick as close to the truth as possible.

“It's too early to talk about this. I’ll scold you for doing dangerous things in the morning.” Kara laughs softly.

“It is morning. It's five.”

“No, morning starts at ten at the earliest.”

“Good, I need some sleep.” Kara kisses Lena's forehead and settles into her. Taking comfort in actually being able to hold her girlfriend.

When they both woke up at a time Lena determined as acceptable for ‘morning’, almost lunch for Kara. Kara made eggs, bacon, toast, and poured orange juice. After Kara settled next to her, Lena finally worked up the courage to scold her.

“I can't believe you left in the middle of the night and basically got in a fight, God knows where.” Kara sighs, knowing this was coming.

“I know. Trust me. I wasn't planning it but James was already there and a little freaked out. Then we got jumped, James got hit pretty badly by one. I took out the other two and we got out of there. This Cadmus story is dangerous and I can't get that through his head. I am so sorry.”

“But you are both okay?”

“I think James’ pride is bruised as much as his face.”

“Just please don't do it again. I don't like the thought of you getting killed.”

“I wouldn't have even been there if it wasn't for James. Maybe this was the wake-up call he needed.” Kara was avoiding a promise and she knew it but Lena seemed to accept the answer.

“Okay, what are we doing today?”

“I was planning on going to the park to paint but we can do whatever you want.”

“That sounds wonderful. I haven't just sat and done nothing for a while.”

“Could I… could I paint you? I've been wanting to but I don't have a good picture and plus nothing's better than the real thing.”

“Will I have to do anything?”

“Just sit there and look beautiful like you usually do.” Lena blushes.

“Okay.”

After cleaning up and dressing, Kara gathers her supplies, including her lightweight folding easel and takes Lena to the park closest to her apartment. It's small but beautiful. Mostly a meadow in between busy streets. Trees line the outside to provide separation from the bustling world. Lena sat against one of those trees as she wrote in her notebook. Songs had just been pouring out of her lately. Mostly thanks to Kara and a much more positive outlook on life. She had promised Sam a new album by the end of the year and had already recorded over half of it.

Kara stood a few feet away. The easel was obscuring part of her but Lena could still the crinkle between her brow and her tongue poking through her teeth in concentration. Lena laughed and then moved her concentration off to the side. She watched people enjoying their own Saturday. Couples strode hand and hand down the walkways. Children kicked balls or played in the fountain that shot streams of water up from the ground at random. It was peaceful. And no one knew she was in the country so she wasn't even worried about cameras. Bless Jess for this trip. Lena leaned back against the tree, eyes closed and let herself relax.

Soon a chill reached into Lena's bones from the shade and late afternoon. She woke to a light breeze and Kara packing up her paints. Kara must have seen her stir and glances up, a smile playing on her lips.

“Hey, sleepyhead. How was your nap?” Lena stretches like a cat and smiles lazily back.

“Good. My neck is a little stiff from sitting up though.”

“I'll give you a massage later, but right now, I'm starving.” Lena laughs at the almost seductive line.

“When aren't you?”

“Right after I finish eating.” Kara straps her bag on her back and then helps Lena to her feet.

The pair wander hand and hand out of the park. Strolling down the sun-baked street in search of food. A small excited squeal makes Lena cringe. Suddenly remembering she didn't put in her contacts or wear her glasses. In a small movement, Kara pulls down her aviators to hide most of her face. Two high school girls appear in front of them.

“Lena Luthor!” One exclaims, definitely not a question.

“Yes, I am,” Lena answers anyway.

“Can we have an autograph? We love your music.”

“I would love to ladies but I don't have anything to write with. Do you?” The girls look down in disappointment. Kara laughs and pulls off her bag halfway to swing it around and pull out a sharpie. She hands it to Lena who raises an eyebrow.

“Hey, a good artist is always prepared.”

“What would you ladies liked signed?” Both girls grin. One pulls out the CatCo magazine cover with Lena on it from her purse. The other just wants her white shirt signed.

“Could we have a picture too?” One is brave enough to ask. Lena bites her lip, Kara can see she is about to refuse.

“She will, only if you guys promise to wait until Monday to post it. We would like to keep our weekend from being ruined by every guy with a camera.” Both girls nod enthusiastically. Kara takes one of the phones and snaps a picture of the three with Lena in the middle.

“Are you two together?” The brave one asks. Kara hands the phone back.

“Yes, we are.”

“Who are you?”

“No one important. I just got lucky and met this woman by accident.”

“You know I am the lucky one.” Lena chimes in.

“You’re right. I am pretty great.” Kara smiles towards Lena. The two girls look on in awe at witnessing this entirely human interaction with one of their idols. Kara pulls Lena in with one arm and places a kiss on her temple as Lena squeezes her eyes shut with a laugh. Neither sees the brave girl snap a picture.

“All right ladies, my girlfriend promised me food so have a good day. But remember, you promised not to share that until Monday. I don't get any time with her and I would really appreciate if we didn't have to hide away for the weekend.” Kara says and both girls agree enthusiastically again before watching the Rockstar and her girlfriend stroll hand and hand through National City.

And the girls kept their promise. Monday morning Kara and Lena almost broke the internet. It took some searching to find the original post on Instagram. Found @LLuthor on the street in National City. We promised her beautiful girlfriend we wouldn't share this until today though. (Yes, she used the word girlfriend but no, she didn't say who she was.) The first two pictures are of the magazine and shirt, then the girls with Lena. The third is the one Kara didn't see taken. Kara's arm around Lena's shoulders, lips pressed against her temple and Lena's eyes closed tightly with a huge smile. Kara's face is sideways and half-covered by her sunglasses.

Comments underneath are mostly positive as people still try to figure out who the mystery woman is. Some are negative, some are hateful. The last picture has been reposted countless times and edited and shared. Kara is scrolling through the #LovinLenaLuthor hashtag in her bed when a call from Lena pops up.

“Were you aware that we are trending? Hashtag Lovin’ Lena Luthor.” Lena laughs at Kara.

“Yes, Jess made me aware of the fact when I got out of the studio. That's why I called, to make sure you were okay.”

“I'm fine Lee. It actually amazes me that no one figured it out yet. I guess our fan bases don't really cross and I've been out for so long that most of mine have disappeared.”

“At least they kept their promise.”

“At least. But Cat called again. She is persistent.”

“Well, if you want, when I'm done with this tour, we can do an interview with her just to appease the media goddess.”

“Are you sure?”

“Only if you want it. ”

“Okay, I'll call her back and tell her so she might just leave me alone. Besides, someone has to figure it out soon. Cat already knows, not that I've confirmed it, but she knows me pretty well at this point. Anyway, you were in the studio again. Does that mean a new album is coming?”

“Yes, I think we are releasing in January. No definite date though, just after the tour. We might announce it at the last stop.”

“Do I get to hear any of it?” Lena laughs.

“Nope, I want it to be a surprise. Don't do that. I can hear your pout. Good thing it doesn't work through the phone.” Kara sighs, Lena knew her too well.

“We will see how well it works when I can come see you again.”

“Consider me warned. I'll have Jess find some time for that and let you know.” Kara's phone dings with a text form Winn.

“Shit, I-Im late. Sorry Lena, I have to go.”

“How are you always late for everything?” She asks

“Because I stop and talk to you whenever you call.”

“Oh, so it's my fault.”

“Basically. Bye Lee.”

Winn wanted Kara to come into the ‘SuperCave’ as he had been calling it. She had avoided Winn and James all weekend, thankfully she was not needed to stop anything. Now, Kara knew, that Winn knew, that Lena was had left late yesterday and was calling her in so they could talk. Kara resigned herself to the inevitable argument about to happen and hoped in her bike.

In the Cave, James already stood with Winn at the central table that also doubled as a computer. Kara still had no idea how Winn got all this equipment but she didn't ask. New things just kept appearing. James looks serious and Winn looks scared and a little excited. Slowly, Kara takes off her helmet and sets it on the seat before walking up to the two of them. She crosses her arms and legs and half sits, half leans on a table. She decided that she was going to gauge James’ reaction before saying anything.

Silence expands in the room. James glares and Kara meets his eyes. Winn looks between the two, noticeably getting more uncomfortable.

“So…” Winn starts.

“I just can't believe you. This is so dangerous. And stupid. And Illegal. What if you get caught?” James explodes. Kara waits to make sure her voice is steady before speaking.

“I need to do this James. I need to help. I won't have the same argument with you that I did with Alex. Winn and I have been doing this for months now and the police have no real interest in stopping us.”

“Alex knows?” He asks, a little taken aback by that.

“Yes, since August. When that picture you took was in the paper. Thanks for that, by the way.” Kara says sarcastically.

“If I would have known, I wouldn't have published the picture. Why didn't you tell me?”

“The more people that know, the more likely it is that it will get out. Only you, Alex and Winn know now.”

“All that talk about my article being dangerous. That I shouldn't chase down Cadmus alone. That was just hypocritical.”

“Look what happened just two days ago! I had to save your ass because you had to go and get yourself kidnapped and beaten and almost killed. It is dangerous. If Winn hadn't had known, you could be dead. And what if I was out of the country like I had been planning to be? What then James?” Kara exclaimed.

That shuts him up. His jaw works to make words but nothing comes out. He snaps it shut. Then an odd light appears in his eyes.

“Then train me.”

“I do.”

“No. Train me to help you. This is my city too and I am tired of not doing anything. I can't find any evidence substantial enough for my article. I want to help bring Cadmus down.” Kara is about to explode. She feels the anger bubbling up in her chest and is doing her best to contain it.

“James I have been training my whole life. I've been fighting and taking gymnastics lessons. You haven't been. You have been learning basics to keep you from getting mugged again.”

“Then train me. I want this Kara. If you don't I'll continue to try and do something on my own. Is that what you want?”

“Are you threatening me?”

“No. I'm telling you that I am doing this no matter what, whether at CatCo or with you. You can decide.”

Kara stares at the man determined to push her to the edge. Winn watched the whole argument like a tennis match, head whipping from side to side as he stood between the pair.

“Fine. Tomorrow night at eight. I need to get some equipment in here first. There is no way we are doing this at the gym.” Kara walks back to her bike and picks up the helmet.

“You will do everything I tell you to. There is no room for error. Until you prove yourself to me, you will not question what I tell you to do. Understood?” James nods, taken aback by Kara's sudden serious demeanor. Kara puts on her helmet and her bike roars to life. Winn had programmed it to start with her fingerprints on the handle.

Once home, Kara got a glass of water and opened the balcony doors of her apartment to clear her head. When the tension of the argument had subsided she set up her easel and paints to start a new canvas. She had been wanting to paint for a while but whenever she wasn't with Winn she had been teaching self-defense in the schools that had resumed classes or flying to and from Lena. Last week she had told the gym that she was quitting her freelance lessons completely. Winn had begun investing her dwindling savings in the stock market in what he said were safe stocks. Not much gain but would be steady. That was her only form of income now. She needed to sell a piece of art or she would have to find a real job. Alex had called and Kara put her on speakerphone while she continued to paint.

“He wants to do what ?” She asks at the news of James.

“He wants to be a vigilante too. He says it's either with me or by himself.”

“The gentle giant that couldn't even save himself from a mugging in Metropolis or from being kidnapped and endangering you? ” Kara sighs and cleans off her brush to select another color.

“Yes. So now I have to or else he might get himself killed. Or worse, some innocent bystander.”

“ Great, Maggie is going to be in a worse mood if there are two vigilantes for the Chief to ride her about. ”

“How is Maggie? You haven't brought her around much.”

“Because I don't need her figuring out who you are. But good, she likes you, I mean Power Girl, so she is trying to keep the police off your back.”

“I'd say tell her thanks for me but that may ruin the whole secret identity thing.”

“Definitely. I hate lying to her though. About how you and Winn disappear sometimes. She thought you two were a thing for a while, which confused her because of Lena.” Kara snorts in sudden laughter.

“That's funny. But I guess if you didn't know us and we always disappeared together it would make sense.”

“Exactly.” Kara sets down her brush, satisfied after a few hours of work, she peers at the clock as she notices the dying sun. Seven-thirty. Okay, eight hours of work.

A strong knock sounds on the door. Any of her friends should walk in. Curious Kara grabs her phone and walks over.

“Hold on Alex, someone just knocked. Oh, Cat.”

“Hello, Kara.”

“I've got to go Alex. I'll call you later.” Kara hangs up before Alex can respond.

“Hi, Miss Grant. I meant to call you but time kind of got away from me today.”

“May I come in?” She asks but brushes past anyway.

“Sure, make yourself at home,” Kara says, more to herself.

“Oh,” she hears Cat say. She stopped next to the kitchen island, taking in Kara's painting as the setting sun hit it.

A hooded red and blue figure stands crouched looking over the city at night on the edge of a roof. The image is blurred as you look onto the figure from behind its left shoulder but you can see lights from windows. It's almost like looking through a water streaked window. Kara was quite proud of how the effect turned out. It may seem a little narcissistic to paint herself, but Power Girl was taking up a lot of her thoughts recently.

“You can paint.” Cat states.

“I think in one of our interviews you asked what I did for fun and I told you I painted.”

“Yes, but there is painting and then there is painting. ” Cat emphasizes the word while gesturing towards the canvas.

“This is very well done. And it would be perfect for next month's cover. How much?” Cat asks, startling Kara.

“What? You want to buy it? I've never… I mean, wow. I have no idea. I just finished it, can I think about it?” Kara stammers out.

“Yes, yes. Now the reason I am here is because you promised me an exclusive if and when you had a girlfriend and the latest picture proves that much, where is the singer anyway?” Kara sighs, she should have just called Cat this morning after she hung up with Lena.

“Europe. We just talked about it this morning. When Lena is done with her tour you can have your exclusive. We didn't know that girl took the picture of us together so we didn't know that someone actually got a clear picture of me until she posted it but don't worry, we won't talk to anyone else about it until we talk to you. Okay?”

“Very well. Now, call my secretary with a starting offer and we can talk percentage also for the artwork. I am going to go pick up my son from soccer practice.” Cat swooped out of Kara's apartment as quickly as she appeared. Kara dialed Alex again to try and process what just happened.

October 3rd, 2017

By the next morning, people had found Kara Danvers. Even though she had no pictures of Lena and herself on Instagram, her followers skyrocketed. Kara had negotiated an initial purchase of her artwork and a small percentage of sales with Cat. Cat didn't fight too hard, knowing the sales for the cover would be better than projected thanks to Kara's renewed popularity and the fact that National Cities hero would be on it.

Kara called Lena and told her the good news. Lena was impressed and made Kara video call so she could see it. The video call turned into something much less innocent very quickly. Lena whispering horse instructions to Kara, watching her cum before making herself do the same. The first time they did this, it made Kara feel very awkward. She hadn’t even watched porn to be able to know how to put on a little show for Lena, but the more these calls happened, the more comfortable Kara became. Kara lay naked in her bed, talking to Lena before she fell asleep. Then Kara got dress and met Winn at the SuperCave to begin acquiring the equipment she needed. It scared Kara at how Winn was able to get money when needed and also have the equipment delivered in a few hours. The cover story was a gym being built but in a few days the permit would be denied and no one would suspect the building was still housing vigilantes.

By the time James arrived, the place was totally transformed. It wasn't just tech and Kara's small arsenal of gadgets, now there was free weights, a boxing dummy, sparring mats, a small climbing wall, and various sparring weapons. James whistled as he came in through the normal door by the garage door. Since it closed down off the street the Super Cave was actually underground. Kara and Winn couldn't decide what to do with the three floors still above them.

“So, where do we start?” He asks.

“First Winn is going to measure you for a suit. Not that I'm letting you out quite yet, but he needs time to make something for you.” Kara says as she moves about, settling equipment where she wants it in the space.

“Then I'm going to actually teach you how to fight.”

It may have been a little harsh, but Kara barely held back on James. She thought maybe this would scare him off. He was bruised all over with a bloody nose by the time she finished. But he didn't complain. He took the hits and kept trying. By the time Kara called it to an end, he did manage to land a punch.

“Kara, we are getting a call from Detective Sawyer,” Winn says from the command table. Kara motions for him to put her through on the computer.

“Detective,” Kara says through the modulator.

“Power Girl. I have evidence that Cadmus is moving a stash of merchandise tonight. My captain won't look into it but my CI is sure that it is happening.”

“Your captain seems to not be looking into Cadmus more and more often.” Kara states.

“I know. Something's wrong. He used to take my tips seriously but lately, he turns his head. I fear the worst.”

“What's the time and location.” Winn feeds the information that Maggie gives them into his computer before Kara ends the call.

“Was that Maggie?” James asks.

“Yeah, she has an encrypted line. And before you ask, no she doesn't know who I am. Alex has been keeping her away from us for just that reason.”

“And Alex is okay lying to her girlfriend about this?”

“Alex is FBI. Maggie is a Detective. They already have secrets. Alex hasn’t brought up telling her and I don’t think she will because it is illegal and she won’t want to put Maggie in that situation.”

“What about your girlfriend?” James asks.

“I haven't told her. And I am not sure if I will. She was already pissed when I told her I went on a stakeout with you and we were jumped. I don’t need her worrying a world away also. Maybe when this whole Cadmus thing is over or she is back in the same country at least.” Kara begins looking up the schematics for the warehouse Winn has pulled up. It looks simple enough. Winn is sitting at his chair trying to figure out what could be the merchandise.

“Do you not trust her with this?” James asks, annoying Kara.

“That is not it at all. We are not having this conversation. Go shower and go home, we are done for tonight.”

“But what about-”

“Go home, James. You are nowhere near ready for this and I am not having you rush in and get killed.” James looks pissed but makes his way to the bathroom to shower before leaving. Kara and Winn return to work.

October 20th, 2017

Kara was still no closer to finding out who was organizing Cadmus. Now though, they were upping the drug game with a new version of Vertigo. It ran rampied through Starling city two years ago with horrible side effects. Cadmus had taken the time to engineer a new version that led to less death and more addiction. Now Kara felt like she was trying to shovel water from a sinking boat using a net. Nearly every dealer walked out of the police stations hours after being brought in. The frustration was spreading from Kara and Maggie, to Winn, James, and Alex. James was taking much abuse from Kara during training but was improving rapidly.

“If we are going to get anywhere, we need to clean up the police department.” Says James while they examine the screen in front of them. Trying to figure out where the problems lie.

“James, could you do some digging into their personal lives? Find out if their families are being threatened or if they actually are just with Cadmus. Winn, can you do the same with their financials?”

“Yeah of course,” Winn says.

“Wait, you are actually letting me do something?”

“As a reporter and photographer yes. As a vigilante, no.”

“Ah, Kara,”

“What Winn?”

“Weren't you supposed to be taking off right now?

“Shit.” Kara was supposed to be on a plane. Not standing in her secret lair discussing corruption in the city. She checks her watch, the plane took off three minutes ago. Kara walks away from the others to call the pretty girl who was no doubt already getting ready to pick her up from the airport in a few hours.

“Kara? What's wrong? Shouldn't your phone be off?”

“Lena I'm so sorry. I missed my flight. I was… helping James with this story and totally lost track of time.”

“Oh…”

“I am so sorry Lee. I really wanted to see you. I screwed up.”

“I won’t lie and say I’m not disappointed but I get it. I mean this is hard and you have your own life. You flying to me every other weekend is a lot of travel and takes away from your job and your friends there.”

“Which is all true, but I would much rather be with you right now.” Kara sits on a stack of mats that she and James put down for sparring.

“I would rather you be here too. But you aren’t so just enjoy your weekend with friends. I’ll take the time to record some stuff I’ve been meaning to but keep getting distracted by a beautiful blonde that show up whenever I have free time.” Lena teases with a laugh.

“Okay, I’ll call you later. I miss you.”

“I miss you too.” A beat of silence and then the phone disconnects.

Kara wishes she was spending the weekend relaxing with friends. Instead, she ends up spending it trying to clean up the police force. The FBI even gets involved, aka Alex, to assist in arresting the truly corrupt cops and chief of police. Kara and Winn manage to spare those doing shady things to protect loved ones from the threats of violence thanks to James’ investigating. Cadmus gets desperate after that, actually breaking into National City Jail to rescue their operatives and releasing many others.

The weekend blurred into another week. Kara hardly even returned to her apartment. She was stuck between training James, busting drug dealers, and searching for Cadmus hideouts. One, she and Winn managed to arrive before the gang cleared out, rounding up six members and turning over a small cache of serious weapons to the newly cleaned up police department.

Kara winced and groaned checking her bank account while Winn watched the program he created to monitor police reports and watch to make sure each Cadmus member was actually processed.

“What's wrong Power Girl?” Winn asks with a laugh and teasing smirk.

“This time next week I will have no money. At least until I start receiving a commission from CatCo”

“Not technically true.”

Kara shoves her phone screen in front of Winn to show him the dwindling amount in her checking and savings accounts.

“Winn, yes it is.”

“No, not what I meant. I mean remember that money you gave me to invest? Well, I have been. And well…” Winn quickly flicks through a few screens on the computer and shows Kara her investment portfolio. Kara gasps at the six, nearly seven digits in the tally.

“I...Winn...What… How…”

“Just a few smart investments, some research, maybe a little hacking, some shell corporations so not all of it is traced back to you. Apparently, I am weirdly good at making money in the stock market. So this means you are paying for dinner right?”

“Actually I have a better idea.” Kara laughs at Winn’s pout.

“Yes, I will pay for dinner. I still have a better idea.”

#supergirl #supercorp #kara danvers #lena luthor #Singer #Vigilante #au #fanfiction #WTFU

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love-can-be-as-cold-as-grave · 5 years

Text

Chapter 30 - Look at the Scars, You Open Me Up

[March 5th, 2017]

Liv clicked through the photographs with a beaming smile on her lips. They're absolutely perfect. Each shot whether it was with the guys in a group or individually seemed to show off each and every personality just the way Liv wanted. The glowing snowy scenery was the perfect wild, Finnish, backdrop for the snarling expressions and ebony attire. With multiple angles and locations and outfits, everyone was quick to fall in line behind Livs strict structure. The shoot had taken up most of the day, with Liv slipping in as many questions with the guys as possible during the process, asking about their personal favorites from the bands discography, asking about new music they were listening to, favorite accomplishments as a band, whether they would get back together, their feelings on the final tour, and every other possible question any fan would want to know. She could have gone longer but the sky was quick to darken and everyone had grown tired of being outside, so as soon as they'd finished they had a quick dinner of leftovers and decided to head over to a local bar for some drinks, both to commemorate the end of Liv's time with them, and the release of their public announcement of the bands break up.

"Hurry up! You haven't even changed yet!" Sirii laughed, nudging Liv from where she lay on the bed.

She looked down at herself. She'd been in the process of changing, but only made it to a bra and underwear before she'd gotten too excited about the shoot and got lost in her unedited shots. She put the camera away reluctantly and slumped off the bed, dropping to her knees before her suitcase.

She scrounged around the heap of black fabric and pulled out a pair of black ripped up skinny jeans, a tight black and white striped T shirt, and some black heeled boots.

Finally ready she turned to find Sirii primping her own outfit in the small mirror in their shared bedroom. She’d put on a black fit and flare dress with sheer black tights and a pair of very high, and very gothic looking boots, her spiky hair accented with a small flower hair clip. “Looking nice for Kosmo?” Liv gave a smirk. It had been plainly obvious that the two had had some sort of spark, making witty comments in Finnish back and forth during the photoshoot and generally spending free time with one another.

Sirii swung their door open, holding it for Liv to follow, “pitää suunsa kiinni (shut up)” She winked at Liv before disappearing down the staircase.

Liv quickly gave herself the once over, deciding that her hair was too much of a frizz ball to be down and tied it up in a bun, small pieces of curls sticking out. She grabbed her purse and raced down the stairs, hoping she wasn’t the last to be ready, but had no luck as she spotted everyone waiting by the doorway, jackets already on.

Ville tossed Liv her parka and then the cabin keys as she stepped in to view. "Mennään! Juomat odottavat! (Let's go! Drinks await!)" He yelled, sticking his hand up in the air.

Coat unzipped Liv struggled to quickly pull on her boots, "Miehet ja heidän juomansa. (Men and their drinks.) She muttered loudly, rolling her eyes as she quickly did up her laces, balancing on one foot as she tried to lift the other higher.

A roar of laughter broke out as everyone began packing themselves into the van, the freezing night air slowly seeping in to the warm cabin through the open doorway.

"Look at you! You’re practically Finnish now!" Sirii laughed, waiting patiently for Liv by the van. "We won't be able to talk about you behind your back anymore!"

Liv rolled her eyes with a grin as her already chilled fingers quickly locked up the cabin.

The car ride was spent in anything but silence, with Kosmo blasting unfamiliar Finnish death metal throughout the van, Sirii headbanging from the front passenger seat, Ville, Mige, and Burton all trying to see how low they could sing to match the singers voice, and in the very back Liv and Linde laughed along to the chaos while Linde also tried catching Liv up on the recent accomplishments of his daughter.

The drive itself wasn’t long, and in no time they were pulling up to a quiet parking lot with a small one story bar situated in the far right corner, dirty piles of shoveled snow lining the parking lot. They quickly filed out of the van and in to the bar.

The inside of the bar greeted them with warmth. I was fairley dark within, the walls covered in rustic ornaments like a rusted scythe, and a stuffed moose head. Along the left side of the bar were booths and tables, to the immediate right of the entrance was a dark red bar, booths again running along the right wall but a majority of the right side of the bar taken up by a small stage and cleared out dance floor. The entire place was about half full, with groupings of people huddled together, pitchers amongst them, listening to the young woman sitting on stage strumming a guitar and playing acoustic covers of songs.

Kosmo motioned for them to follow him as he wound his way to a free booth close to the stage.

Liv sat squeezed in to one end, with Kosmo and Sirii beside her, across from her was Mige, Burton, and Ville, with Linde pulling up a chair at the head.

“Should we just share some pitchers?” Mige asked, perusing the drink menu.

Liv shrugged off her parka, “I’m not sure I’ll be drinking, I don’t drink much these days, but you all go ahead.”

She watched a small spark of surprise light up their faces before Ville spoke up, “I mostly have the non-alcoholic variety myself but it’s nice to partake when a celebration is in order.” He gave her a warm smile.

“Alright, just a glass though.” She smirked, taking one of the menus and seeing how much she could understand.

Mige laughed, “More for us then.”

Drinks were ordered, and everyone enjoyed their first glasses while trying to test Liv’s Finnish know-how.

“This is an important one, Onko sinulla kondomia?” Burton laughed, face already red.

The rest of the guys burst out laughing, almost spitting out their drinks.

Liv rolled her eyes, “You guys are so immature. My boyfriend speaks pretty darn good english so I don’t think I’ll need to ask him in Finnish if he’s got a condom any time soon thank you very much.”

“Kosmo,” Sirii said, fixing her flower clip, “want to dance?”

He nodded silently and slid out of the booth, linking arms with her and bringing her to the dancefloor where two other couples were already dancing.

Liv smiled with genuine warmth, happy that the world had brought Sirii and Kosmo together, hoping that despite their distance maybe they could make it work. “You two are adorable!” He called after them.

"Come on! Join us!" Sirii urged as Kosmo spun her around.

Liv shook her head with embarrassment creeping a pink blush across her cheeks. She took a sip of her beer, hoping they'd drop it.

Mige patted Ville on the shoulder, "Ville be a good man and take the girl for a spin." He chugged back the rest of his mug.

Liv looked away, her blush growing brighter. It wasn't just the emptiness of the bar that made her hesitate, she wasn't sure how comfortable she felt being so close to him. They had talked yes, but being held again by that person is different. They'd both been keeping a relative distance between each other until now, which she'd realized she had needed.

Ville opened his mouth to protest but Mige had already scooted him off the booth seat with a guffaw, to which Ville answered with a menacing glare, a glare which soon faded into a lighthearted smile. "Alright Liv, give me a twirl, for old times sake?"

Liv pursed her lips, narrowing her eyes jokingly at him, "I don't think we ever slow danced together back then?" She crossed her arms smirking, Linde snickering beside her.

Ville slipped off his sport coat, beneath he was wearing a black deep V shirt. "Well then it can be a new tradition as friends." He brushed back the curls from his eyes, beckoning her jokingly with movements of his head.

If this doesn't bother him then it shouldn't bother me. She pulled out her voice recorder from her coat pocket "Care to conduct a dance interview?"

He laughed, exposing his toothy grin, the small laugh lines appearing on his face "A dance interview?"

[Song Recommendation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkxSU__Bi3w ]

Liv got up, swigging back the last of her beer and clipped the small voice recorder to the collar of her shirt, and turned it on, hoping the distance wouldn't make it too hard to hear the interview.

He extended his hand out for her in a gentlemanly manner.

Liv collected herself for a moment, looking down at his outstretched palm and then back at his smiling face, before taking hold of his rough ringed hand.

She sucked in a jagged breath at the sensation of her hand in his, at the sensation of their skin touching, as he led her to the nearly empty dance floor where Sirii and Kosmo danced. Those hands, they'd held her, stroked her, she could still remember the feeling of his cold rings making her jump as he traced circles across her back. She could remember the sound of them, their tinkling as they were shaken off his fingers on to the tour bus floor.

She shook her head, trying to shake off the memories as he stopped, finding a spot he liked. He guided her hand to rest on his upper arm, taking the other in his own and gingerly placing a hand on her hip. Livs mind was too flushed with memories to react, and so she let him begin to sway her gently back and forth.

The lighthearted friendly tone seemed to suddenly vanish as he held her, body inches away. She felt lost in the moment, as if she could melt right into his arms. She wondered if he felt it too. She'd read in an article once that being with someone created patterns in the brain, neural pathways, and if your bond with someone was strong enough, seeing them again, your body will instinctively yearn to retrace those pathways. Is that what's happening now? My brain playing tricks on me?

She felt his hands beginning to sweat in hers.

She took a deep breath.

This can't happen, she pushed the thoughts away and cleared her throat. "How do you feel about this year being the end?"

Suddenly he had stopped meeting her eyes, his gaze fixated just beyond her face, his hands holding her so carefully it felt he was on the verge of letting go. "I am terribly excited to have the time to work on my side projects, as I'm sure the other gentlemen have also said." He smiled, a smile that didn't quite meet his eyes.

Liv nodded, eyes staring off beyond him at the young woman as she performed. "Can you hint at all what these side projects may be?"

"Ooh, just some work with a video game and perhaps the revival of an artists unreleased music, but that is all I should say." He finally looked down at her, a small smile playing on his lips, the green pools of his eyes twinkling in the low bar lights.

Livs heart began to pick up. She looked away. "What uh, whatever happened to that album you wrote?" She wasn't sure why she was asking the question, but she'd been genuinely curious, and it just slipped from her lips.

"Is this a question for the article or for yourself? He cocked his head to the side, inquisitiveness on his features as he caught her gaze once again.

She looked away, shrugging as their bodies continued to sway, heart continuing it's rapid beat, a jackhammer in her chest, "For myself, I guess."

The greens of his eyes saddened and he slowly let go of her hip, gripping her hand tighter and guiding her body into a twirl, catching her as momentum brought her body back to his. He looked up at the bar lights, words playing on his lips as nothing came out right away. "I've always put my heart raw and bare in to everything I've written, but that album just, I didn't feel comfortable releasing it, although it's mostly recorded. Perhaps one day, but not any time soon."

Liv nodded silently, she'd suspected something had happened. She wasn't sure if she'd release something like that, so closely tied to her heart, but then again, torn and bare she'd let her pain show in every gallery installation of her personal work.

"Liv?" He almost whispered her name, bringing her eyes back to him. "When you leave tomorrow, will we go back to limbo? Or do you think we can remain friends?" He twirled her slowly again, hand remaining on her waste as she spun.

She'd been feeling the same way. Seeing him again, although the love had been lost, she'd yearned for his company, unsure if it was selfish for her to covete it, unsure if he'd been playing nice this whole time, or if it was truly possible that despite everything that had happened between them that the scraps left could be turned in to something whole, something new. "I think that would be possible." She nodded, hand giving his a gentle squeeze of affirmation.

As the song ended they untangled themselves from one another quickly.

Ville bowed, the tenseness of the moment gone, the cheerfulness returned, "Thank you for the dance, although not much interviewing happened."

Liv shrugged as they began walking back to the table, "I got most of what I wanted during the shoot I think."

As they both scooted back into the booth, Liv caught Siriis eye from where she still swayed on the dancefloor with Kosmo. Her expression was one of dying curiosity, brows furrowed, eyes wide with questions.

***

They'd just taken off, flying above the heavy snow clouds when Sirii turned to Liv. "So I've been a detective! Correct me if I am wrong. These Finns were the Finns you knew when you were in Hells last. What you never mentioned was how close you all had been. And then talking with Mige I find out you and Ville Valo, the Ville Valo, were once an item." She unbuckled her seatbelt as the overhead light indicated it was okay to do so, turning eagerly to Liv. "Have I got all my facts right so far?"

Liv kept her gaze out the small window, ice crystals already beginning to form as the Finnish landscape below grew smaller and smaller. "Yes, yes you do." She couldn’t fault Sirii for her curiosity, they had been working for each other almost three years at this point with Sirii actually moving to LA, so there hadn’t been much that wasn’t talked about in that time span, except Ville.

"What happened between you two?" She asked softly, caringly.

Liv sighed, pulling out a book from her carry on and flipping down the tray in front of her. "It's a very long story, one I don't particularly care to share right now, I’ll tell you though, when we’re back in LA.” She pulled out her bookmark and stared at the open pages, not reading, but thinking, thinking about everything that had happened during the trip.

Sirii began absentmindedly flipping through one of the flight magazines, "Okay okay okay, but tell me then, why don't you two get back together? We saw it, we all saw it, your uh, what's the word, your chemistry?" Ah yes, that was the glint in her eyes last night, well chemistry doesn't have to be romantic.

"I’m not sure you’d be saying that if you actually heard the story of everything that happened." Liv laughed sarcastically. "We had our chance and we both blew it." She shrugged, trying to focus again on her book, "We aren't the same people, it wouldn't work out. He's just a friend now."

****

[October 26, 2017, Los Angeles]

Liv peaked out from the covers, the morning sun shining warming rays in to her bedroom. She reached out, trying to feel if Quinton had already gotten up, but the space next to her was empty. She stuck her head out and spotted him on the balcony, talking with animation on the phone, pacing back and forth, gesticulating with his hands. The sun lit up his blonde hair. He was shirtless but for a pair of blue boxer briefs.

He spotted her, stopping his pacing and ending the call as he slid the balcony door open. "You're not going to be happy."

Liv sat up, flipping her messy hair out of her eyes, "You've got a job?" She couldn't fault him, he had to work, and half the time she was running just as crazy of a schedule than him. She really had been hoping he'd come tonight though. Maybe it was odd, weird, or stupid, but a part of her wanted to see what the guys thought of him. She didn't need anyone's approval but it would have meant a lot to know they liked him.

He nodded, "Sorry babe, I'll be back tomorrow night, maybe we can go see that movie you wanted?" He kissed the top of her head and turned to the dresser, pulling out clothing.

Liv sighed before getting up and throwing on a black silk robe, tying her hair up in a bun. "If my shoot doesn't run late then yeah. I guess just text me when you're getting in."

He blew a kiss towards her from where she sat on the edge of her bed, watching him change. He quickly pulled on a pair of jeans and black T shirt, combing through his hair, grabbing his travel bag and giving her a peck on the cheek before leaving, the familiar sound of the door locking was the final indication she was alone.

The apartment was unsettlingly silent. She sighed, getting up to make herself a coffee and to attempt a tofu scramble when she heard a faint ding coming from her cellphone on the bedside. She peered over at the lit up screen.

Incoming email, subject line: what is this provocative shit you're making me read.

***

[Anaheim]

"Wait wait, what?" Marcus stopped walking, placing a hand on Livs arm to stop her too, his other hand gently held Hannahs.

"What?" She adjusted her bag and continued walking, the warm fall day making her hair stick to her face.

"You never told me you two stayed in touch, a, and not just stayed in touch, but stayed in touch for over six months." Marcus's expression of displeasure was partially hidden by a pair of sunglasses. Liv loved him to death but he had a terrible habit of being nosey.

Liv shrugged, "Well we did. We shoot each other the occasional message, and are doing a sort of book club thing with one another right now too." She laughed to herself, remembering the conversation they'd had as she'd tried to convince him to give this week's read a chance. "We're on 'I'm with the Band' right now."

"Well you know what, it's good to hear. I'm happy you two could move on from everything." Hannah beamed, always the optimist, always the one to curve Marcus.

The sun was slowly setting on the warm October day as the three of them walked side by side, passing families in Disney gear as they headed over to the House of Blues. Marcus and Hannah wore the same outfits they had worn the night Marcus has proposed, an homage to their marriage. Unable to find anything to wear since Quinton had forgotten to do their laundry the night before, Liv had thrown on an old Depeche Mode T-shirt she had found at the bottom of a drawer, tucking it in to a pair of high waisted black shorts, the outfit topped off with a pair of worn black converse, half of her hair out up in a small bun with the rest flowing down in waves over her shoulders. With gentle pleas from Marcus she had actually left the camera at home this time around, determined to enjoy the show as it was meant to be enjoyed, with her own eyes, not filtered through a camera or phone screen. Plus, Liv had thought as she’d stared longingly at her camera bag on the way out of the apartment that day, this will be the last show of theirs I’ll see, I have to remember every detail.

They climbed a set of stairs leading to an open plaza just as the long line of fans began to disappear through the doorway, HIM gear on full display upon each and every one.

Liv slipped out their printed tickets from her small purse, opening up the folded paper and falling in behind the line, Marcus and Hannah following close behind.

"Tell me again why you didn't just call up your new buddy to get us in?" Marcus asked, throwing an arm around Hannah.

Liv shot Marcus an annoyed look before she handed the tickets to the tall man at the entrance to the venue, "Because I didn't want to ask for a favor, especially from an ex, so sue me. I don't think I even mentioned we were coming come to think of it. Anyways, I still got you guys tickets didn't I?" She shrugged, waiting for them to catch up as she looked around the familiar venue remembering the few shows she'd shot there, the concert excitement melting away her unamusement with Marcus, he was in a sour mood tonight.

Liv looked towards the far right of the venues entrance space where a set of stairs led up to a small balcony area. "Guys, if you don't mind, I think I'm going to take it easy and sit up on the balcony." There was something about being in the thick of the crowds, front of stage, with certain songs playing, she wasn't sure she wanted to relive those memories.

Hannah cut Marcus off before he could say a word, covering his mouth with her hand. "That's perfectly fine, we'll find each other after the show! Thank you again Liv for the tickets, it's really nice to have a night away from the girls." She gave Liv a quick peck on the cheek and guided Marcus towards floor entrance where the rest of the throng of fans had disappeared, her hand still clasped over Marcus's mouth.

Smiling to herself Liv ascended the stairs, the opening chords of the first opening act ringing out throughout the venue, the cheers of the audience meeting the chords in a hectic harmony that Liv loved. Her favorite part of being a music photographer was shooting shows, feeling the notes vibrating in her chest, sensing the physical atmosphere of excitement radiating from the audience, getting candid shot after shot of performers in the ecstasy of presenting their art.

She found a small empty table that looked right over towards the side of the stage, spotting Marcus and Hannah who had wriggled their way through to the middle of the crowd.

She ordered herself a couple of beers which she sipped delightedly watching 3Teeth and CKY, singing along to the CKY songs she remembered from her youth watching Jackass and Viva la Bam. As CKY left the stage the excitement of the crowd was palpable, with the already close pressed bodies squishing forward, the anxious murmuring growing louder. A few roadies quickly came out to adjust equipment, but then they disappeared.

A small shiver ran down Liv’s spine as the lights dimmed and the opening chords to Buried Alive by Love began to blast from the amplifiers. First Linde came out, his body cast in shadows. The audience roared. Kosmo then crept up to the imposing drumset. Burton like a ghost seemed to just materialize before the keyboard. In drastic contrast was Mige, already thrashing his head as he was bathed in the blues and reds of the stage lights. The screams of the audience grew in pitch as Ville walked out dressed almost identical to when Liv had last seen him. In his hand was clutched a microphone, he moved his body to the rhythm of the fast paced song as he took centre stage.

She watched the show with a new found appreciation of what they had accomplished over their career. For once she wasn’t in the wings, nor did she have a lens in her face. It almost felt like she was seeing them for the very first time, but just as she had imagined, each and every song brought back some sort of memory from the many times she’d watched them perform over the year she had travelled with them.

Slowly, with much flair, head banging, drama and flickering lights Rebel Yell, the final encore of the night came to an end. As the band waved their farewells, she noticed a small interaction. Ville had spotted Marcus in the crowd, close to the stage, and had crouched down to hear something Marcus was saying. Suddenly his eyes darted to the balcony, scanning, before resting on Liv. She gave a small smile and wave and his face lit up. He turned back to Marcus, saying something before quickly getting up and retreating off stage.

With his departure the audience began to leave too, no doubt for the merch table, Liv thought, remembering when she would race for the merch after the shows of her youth. Along with the rest of the people up in the balcony she made her way down, just in time to find Marcus and Hannah looking around for her, their faces shiny from sweating.

She laughed, “You two look like you had a good show.”

Marcus wiped his forehead with the back of his arm, eyes growing teary, “I know cause of you there’s like 2 degrees of separation between me and the band but man, I’m choked they’re breaking up, that this is the last show of theirs I’ll ever see.”

“Aww Marcus,” Along with Hannah Liv wrapped her arms around him. It’s funny, fate, Liv mused, if it wasn’t for Marcus’s love of HIM a lot of things in my life would never have happened, especially my career.

Suddenly he broke free of their comforting arms, smiling again, “Ville noticed me in the crowd, asked us to come say hi after the show. He said to just come round back where their bus is.”

She'd figured that's what he said. She wasn't sure why she didn't just tell him they were going to the show, Liv had actually been really wanting to see the guys to ask them what they thought of the piece she had done for Metal Hammer.

"Alright let's go, I think I know the spot." Liv guided Marcus and Hannah through the throngs of fans, past the growing merch line and outside, back down the stairs and into an alley where a large fenced off parking lot was attached to the House of Blues. Some fans had beaten them there already, and Liv spotted the guys dutifully signing a few autographs in an opened section of the lot, with the gate to the side to allow the 3Teeth bus to leave. The fans thanked the band and scurried off, getting out of the way so the bus could pass through.

"Who the hell chooses to sit in the balcony at a show?" Mige yelled, hands cupped to his mouth so the sound would travel as the trio approached.

Liv gave him a warm half hug, "I'm too tired from work to be jostled around these days, see now, if a pit had opened up…"

Ville laughed, crossing his arms with a smirk, "Now that would have been something to see."

The gate was locked and the guys led them to their bus.

Liv hesitated for a second at the steps but climbed in after Marcus and Hannah. "I use to mosh. Marcus tell them!" It's not the same bus, she told herself.

Marcus and Hanna squished in at the small kitchen table next to Mige, Linde, Burton, and Kosmo on the other side. Liv leaned against the sink while Ville leaned against the closed door. He'd taken the beanie off, letting his sweat soaked curls dry, half of them clinging to his face.

"Oh yeah, she use to jump in." He laughed, lacing his hand with Hannahs above the table.

"So you both are still very much together then?" Linde smiled noticing the rings on their fingers.

Hannah nodded, "Oh yeah, and this one here is a stay at home dad with our two girls." She flashed Marcus a smile of pure adoration.

Ville slipped off his sport coat, "Two? Well well congratulations on your little family." He stood, crossing the small space and grabbing a cup of water from a cupboard. Liv scooted to the side as he filled the glass with water, situating himself beside her against the sink as he drank.

Kosmo cleared his throat, drawing all eyes on him suddenly. "Uh Liv, how is your friend, Sirii?"

Liv smiled to herself, trying to hide her giddiness. "She uh.." She dug around in her purse, pulling out a small piece of paper and walking over to the table to hand it to him. "She couldn't make it tonight but she wanted you to have that, it's some sort of note. I promise I didn’t read it." She gave him a wink as she returned to her spot by the sink.

Burton rubbed the tiredness from his eyes, "aaah, love is in the air."

Ville leaned over towards Liv as Marcus launched in to stories of his daughters, bonding with Linde who already missed his own. "Psst. Care to step out for a cigarette?"

Liv nodded, following as Ville made for the door, calling out over his shoulder, "Smoke break! Be back in two shakes of a lamb's tail!"

"And when I'm back you all need to tell me what you thought of the article and shots!" She slipped out of the door and into the warm night, closing the door behind her and following Ville to the side of the bus where a light attached to the metal fence illuminated a small patch. He pulled a pack of Marlboros from his back pocket.

Liv did the same, sticking the cigarette between her lips but unable to find a light. Ville obliged, protecting the flame and bringing it to light her smoke. "I'm not sure how much I like our current read." He smirked, bringing up the topic of their emails with each other just earlier that day.

Liv shrugged, leaning against the metal fence, "It's a rock and roll classic, even if it reads like a young girl's diary." She sucked in a deep drag. She was glad Ville suggested they step out, the bus was feeling a bit claustrophobic, especially after the show. The night was quiet aside from the distant sounds of roadies loading up their gear for the road.

Ville ran his free hand through his still damp hair, "I'll choose something a tad different for next week." He stared up at the glowing light above them, moths swirling around it in a chaotic frenzy of want. "You should have mentioned you were coming, you wouldn't have had to buy tickets."

Liv shrugged, flicking the ash off her cigarette with the painted nail of her thumb, "I didn't want to ask a favor I guess."

Ville took a step in front of Liv, "Things are well? With work? And your chap, Quinton?"

She nodded, putting out her cigarette and tossing it out in a nearby trash can. "My family is doing well, I think I'm going to stop by and visit my dad and Grandpa in Brooklyn soon. Work? Work is busy as always, and so is Quinton. He was actually supposed to come tonight but had a last minute photoshoot he had to go to." She fiddled with the small bun on her head, "Sometimes I wish I just had the time to sit at home, reading and relaxing."

His deep green eyes fixed on hers, a touch of sadness in them. "I know exactly how you feel." He looked down, taking a small step closer and tossing the remnants of his cigarette aside, his body just a foot away. Liv noted the step, surprised by how close he was actually getting to her this time. "That year, when we were on break from touring, and you'd stay at my tower, and we'd watch movies, or you'd fiddle around on your laptop while I strummed notes without a song, not necessarily doing anything together, just simply comforted by the presence of the other. Those are very fond memories to me, and putting aside the ills of the past has allowed me to enjoy those memories once again."

She was surprised by just how exactly his thoughts mirrored her own, as if now more than ever they were on the same page. “I know what you mean.” She managed to say, as inadequate as it was to really express how much she’d been feeling the same way lately, flushed with memories she was finally able to revisit.

She watched as Ville lit another cigarette, hands a little unsteady. He inhaled deeply before pointing the cigarette in her direction, “That shirt is the same one you had on in the hospital.”

She looked down. It was. How did he remember, after all this time.

She remembered the moment so clearly, she always had. Her body ached from having her stomach pumped, her mind ached with worried embarrassment over what she had done, she was detesting the sight of the needle sticking out from the back of her hand, internally wishing for a distraction, something, anything to grasp at to keep her from drowning in the mental ocean she was filling with anxiety.

And then came his deep voice piercing the quiet. A life raft.

And then everything changed.

She looked up from her shirt. He was even closer now. “Do you remember what you said?” Her voice was soft and weak.

He tossed his cigarette without his eyes leaving hers, “You better not.”

She wasn't sure what was happening, or what she was doing. It seemed as if her body made the decision without consent from her mind, and before she knew it she'd taken a hesitant step forward, bridging the gap between their bodies, and placed her hands on his chest, extending her body up on her toes, and bringing her lips to his, melting from within at the familiar sensation. Remembrance, having his body so close, watching his lips move, it had sparked something within her.

He pulled back, grabbing her hands by the wrists and holding them away from his chest as he looked down incredulously, his eyes wide with surprise. Suddenly his face looked strained, eyes furrowed with thought and want briefly before he pulled her back to him, lips colliding with hers in hunger, hand wind up to cup her face, and tangle in to her hair. They kissed with the urgency of three lost years, clutching at each other, unwilling to let go.

It had been over six months since she’d seen him, but on that last night, dancing, she’d wanted nothing more than to do this, to feel the softness of his lips, to be held by his rough hands, to feel the warmth of him washing over her.

But all too soon they stopped to catch their breath, and the moment was gone.

Liv stepped back, bringing her fingers to her lips, as if the sensation of his lips still lingered there, as if she could try and make it go away.

What have I done.

She looked up, he'd crossed his arms, closing himself off, staring up at the stars, panting.

"I, I'm so sorry…" Her voice trailed off. What did I do. Why did I do that. She looked away from him, embarrassed.

A silence hung in the air.

His voice, horse with strain, finally broke the quiet, "Liv we uh, we can't."

She turned around, crossing her arms to hold herself together. "I know. I…. I know. I'm sorry I didn't mean to, it, it just…" It just what?

Embarrassed, Uncomfortable, and unsure of what else to say Liv took a step towards the tour bus entrance, but a hand gently wrapping around hers stopped her.

She looked up in to his serious green eyes, his face full of determined sympathy. "Do you want this?"

He didn't need to be any more specific, she knew exactly what he meant. This, this was all of it, all of him. This meant stepping back, picking up where turmoil tore them apart. Or did it mean a fresh start? "I don't know." It was the truth. "I didn't think, it was an impulse. I'm happy where we are now. I, I'm happy with Quinton." She was, things were easy, things were moving along, they'd moved in together, they were happy, she was happy.

Why did I kiss him.

Ville let go of her hand and shoved his own in to his jean pockets. "Well there you have it Kul.. Liv. You are the star in someone else's sky. This was, as you say, an impulse, on both our parts. I uh, I apologize as well. We don't have to let it change things."

She nodded, digesting his words and silently left.

Is that even possible? Acting as if nothing has changed.

She was angry at herself, not only for ruining the steady friendship she’d had with Ville thus far, but also possibly ruining what she had with Quinton.

She chewed on her bottom lip, opening the bus door. Would he forgive me?

“Liv,” Marcus sighed with relief, “Our babysitter just called and Mary isn’t feeling well so we need to split.” Liv could see the worry in Hannah's eyes.

“That’s no problem, let’s head back to LA then.” She adjusted the strap of her purse and turned to the guys, who all looked just about ready for bed. “I’m sorry I couldn’t stay any longer.”

Mige waved his hand, dismissing her apology, “Stop stop, it’s fine. We’ll see each other again soon I’m sure, hell you should even come down for Helldone!”

Linde nodded as he scooted out from the table behind Marcus and Hannah, “You really should, we’ll be going out with a bang.”

Too frazzled, her face couldn’t form a genuine smile, so she plastered on a fake one, hoping they wouldn’t notice, “I’ll uh, I’ll definitely think about it.”

She went over to each of the guys and wished them luck on the rest of the tour, and a good night, embracing them in hugs, even Kosmo, who’s shyness seemed to have dissipated.

She moved aside to let Marcus and Hannah get off the bus first, but stopped mid step as Burton spoke up, “Oh! Liv! And just so you know, you absolutely did us proud with the piece.”

Mige nodded, “It was an honour. Have a good night!”

She blushed, even more speechless now, “Thank you,” She whispered as she left, closing the bus door behind her. Her eyes immediately glanced towards where she had left Ville. He was still there, leaning against the fence, smoking. Should I wave? Say goodbye? Maybe not, maybe we need to cool down.

And then the butterflies began to fly within her. She moaned aloud with frustration, rubbing her face with her hands as she turned, following Marcus and Hannah past a set of security guards that let them through the gated lot. What am I going to say to Quinton?

***

[Music Recommendation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YfDUBboUOA ]

She turned to glance back at him. He squinted, trying to catch a glimpse, something, anything, that could hint at what she was thinking, or how she was feeling. She was too far away, and just as soon as she’d turned to look at him, she’d turned back, black hair swaying in the dim lights of the lot.

Her figure faded into the darkness.

"Paska (shit)" He swore under his breath, half at his own idiocy, and half at the sight of their bus driver preparing the tour bus for the nights drive.

He needed air, fresh air to think, he looked down at his cigarette, well not exactly fresh air.

He wanted to yell, not with anger, but with pent up adrenaline and emotion.

He took a deep breath.

She'd kissed me, it was her, all her, I stopped it, I did the right thing, but I wanted her, I wanted her so bad. He shook his head, sliding down the fence and crouching down, elbows resting on his knees.

He hung his head.

I asked her what she wanted, what do I want, I did not think of that did I.

It was a question he already knew the answer to, a question that had never quite left him over the years as his wounds had closed, scars grown, and as he'd accepted the fate of their love; dead.

I shouldn't have kissed her back.

His hands balled into fists, silver rings digging into his skin.

Once long ago, as he'd decayed in his own thoughts and a pack of beer, he'd compared himself to Heathcliff. Losing Liv had felt like truly losing her, as if she'd passed away. He'd cursed the world for being a collection of memories that she'd been his and he'd lost her. He'd cursed her love, as Heathcliff had cursed Cathy, that her love would haunt him, because as painful as the loss of her was, he'd rather have the sting in his heart than nothing at all.

He was angry with himself that now his drunken thoughts were coming to fruition. He couldn't live in peace with or without her, that was now clear.

Perhaps it was wrong to want any part of her, to want her friendship. I was fooling myself that this could work, and that it would be easy. But it's not working. We should have left things as they were beneath the northern lights. I've complicated things so terribly by thinking that friendship was possible for us despite everything.

He froze, remembering the sensation of her lips on his, of her body pressed against him, the warmth of her, the familiar taste of her.

He shook his head, exhaling a shaky breath, trying to wipe the image from his mind. He looked back in the direction she had left.

What will she tell her boyfriend?

Would I have liked him?

He took a deep breath, putting out his cigarette and collecting the cigarette butts around him to throw away.

He snuck into the quiet tour bus, gently closing the door behind him and crawling into his bottom bunk in the back. Knocking off his boots he lay back, bringing his knees up. His head began to hurt.

He ran an unsteady hand through his hair and stripped of his shirt. He'd dreamed of a similar scenario playing out once upon a time. A dream that fate would bring them back together, that he could hold and kiss her once again, but that dream no longer seemed realistic.

He’d moved on.

She’d moved on.

I need to stop holding on.

I need to let her go.

He ran his hands over his face, rubbing the frustrated tears from his eyes with vigor as they continued to silently stream.

I need to let her go.

#chapter 30 #ville valo #ville valo fan fic #fan fic

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yosearch · 8 years

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littlemisssquiggles · 6 years

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RWBY Musings #58: Fuel to a Spark. A Squiggle Meister’s Views on Oscar Pine’s Purpose in his friendship with Ruby Rose.

With all the recent events that have occurred for our heroes in their brief adventure on Brunswick Farms, there is a quote from Maria Calavera that stuck with me. It’s what she told Oscar in C5 when the two were left alone in the Brunswick study.

“…I’ll tell you what. You keep that fire fed and I’ll find us a story to read before bed…” – Maria Calavera (RWBY Volume 6: Chapter 5)

I know that this was just a mere throwaway line however why this comment called out to me is because it reminded me of small theory I made last year. It was in a previous musing post regarding Oscar in relation to his role in Ruby’s line of friends. Mind you, I wrote this back during Volume 5’s runtime but with the way how things are shaping up in Volume 6, I think this small assumption of mine might find its place in this new season. Last year, I said this:

“…I’m hoping that what Ruby told Oscar from Chapter 5 will be brought back into hindsight later. Perhaps there will come a time where, even for a brief moment, Ruby just breaks down and loses all hope. And in a surprising twist, it’s Oscar as the one to remind her of the very words she spoke to him from this episode because he now believed in her.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Haters be like…Ruby doesn’t need Oscar to inspire her cause she’s inspired by the people she cares about. That’s the thing; Ruby has shown to care about Oscar too so it’s safe to say that she likes him enough to consider him another cherished life she needs to fight for.

That being said let Oscar be a sort of shining beacon that inspires Ruby to regain herself in the same manner she has inspired others around her, including him. Or even better:

I just realized something. Oscar’s full name is Oscar Pine. Pine is a type of wood. A spark is essentially like a flame that continues to burn.

Isn’t wood not a kind of material used to keep a fire burning?

If Ruby possesses a spark, then let Oscar possess the fuel that keeps her burning at her brightest. Whether it’s through motivational words or actions of selfless bravery, let him be her support. I’m just saying….” – Squiggles’ RWBY Musing #14 (RWBY Volume 5 – November 28th 2017)

Volume 6, thus far, is proving to really test Ruby emotionally. While she’s still been doing her best to keep her usual sagacity, the latest chapter has highlighted Ruby slowly starting to crack.

Yesterday, I theorized the return of the Apathy Grimm in a more monstrous and stronger form later this volume. Remember when everyone was theorizing that the Grimm in the tunnel was a Hecatonchire based on the opening?

Personally, I still think this is a possibility later in the volume. I believe it is this Hecatonchire type Alpha Apathy that will push Ruby to her limits by taking away everyone Ruby loves.

I feel Ruby will be pushed to a tipping point where she fails to protect her team. My assumption is that Qrow will be the first victim, as the V6 opening alluded to, and then the rest of the group will be targeted next. Just as with Pyrhha and Penny during V3, Ruby will be forced to watch helplessly as her loved ones get taken away before her very eyes, each swallowed alive and presumed killed off by the Hecatonchire Apathy.

Qrow will be gone. Weiss will be gone. Yang and Blake will be gone. Even Maria will be gone. The only person Ruby will be left with is Oscar but even his life will be on the verge of disappearing as well.

And in that moment…Ruby just freezes. Just as she was incapable to stop Penny and Pyrhha’s deaths, she will watch all her friends one by one be killed off in front of her. And try as she might to summon her Silver Eyes, Ruby can’t bring herself to do it. She will be helpless and in that moment of utmost powerlessness, further diminished by the effects of the Apathy Grimm, Ruby Rose will lose her spark for the first time.

I’m happy that the CRWBY introduced a Grimm species that drains one’s will to move forward. This is the perfect type of Grimm to challenge Ruby. One of the most definite characteristics of Ruby’s drive has always been her ability to keep pressing forward. Her perseverance and strong will is what has compelled her thus far and it’s what has enabled her to inspire others. Just as Ozpin once said, Ruby has always been able to inspire others in the darkest of times because in spite of her flaws and quirks, she possessed something unquantifiable---a spark of hope.

But what would happen if Ruby’s spark is snuffed out? What would happen if everyone Ruby loved are taken away from her? What would happen if the lives she fought to protect still fell to darkness and unlike before, this time, Ruby is unable to summon her power to help save them?

From what I deciphered from what Maria told Ruby to awaken her power, a Silver Eyed Warrior’s power seems to stem from their desire to protect the people they care about. To protect life in general because as Maria said, life is precious and it must be protected.

But what if…Ruby will soon meet her match? Ruby was fortunate that Maria was there to help her focus during her first encounter with the Apathy. She was fortunate to be surrounded by her teammates and friends to remind her of who she needs to protect. But if Ruby finds herself alone in the darkness with most of her love ones gone---taken---dead to the darkness, what would she do? How will she cope? Ruby has always inspired her loved ones and they in turn, inspire her. But who will she have left to turn to when everyone is gone?

This is where I think Oscar will come in and the importance of his role in the team, especially in respect to being one of Ruby’s allies will shine through. There is something special about Oscar. Now I’m not just saying that as a Pinehead nor do I mean it in the sense that he’s special due to his connection to Ozma as his recent reincarnation. What I mean is that Oscar possesses a certain unique quality about him that makes him a potentially strong character. It’s something I recognized about him since Volume 5.

As some of you readers already know, Chapter 5 was my favourite episode of last season; particularly the conversation between Ruby and Oscar and how he was able to get Ruby to open up about her true feelings regarding all of her past struggles since the Fall of Beacon.

Though we haven’t learnt much about Oscar’s personality, that episode showed me a side of the farm boy that solidified him as my favourite character in RWBY. Oscar is the type of character who somehow knows what needs to be said in order to help another benefit from his advice. He may not have the right words or the right tactic or even the expansive vocabulary and years of experience that Ozpin had but if there is one thing I could say about Oscar is that, his actions and words are always...genuine. From the heart.

You get the feeling that whenever Oscar provides advice, you know what he's saying is coming from the right place or to word it better, a righteous place. Remind you of anyone?

Here’s what I think is going to happen: The Apathy will kidnap Qrow first, luring the heroes into the dark depths of another abandoned tunnel similar to the one found on Brunswick Farms. I’d like to think that the Apathy make their homes in really dark areas. This also reminds of a snippet from Bartleby Brunswick’s diary that Oscar read in C6.

“…Managed to get two away from their pack. Hike back was miserable but got the bastards in the cellar…”

What if…Northern Anima was home to many abandoned tunnels up in the mountains and it’s these tunnels that provide a natural habitat for the Apathy, like bats in a cave. I’d like to believe that the Apathy found on the Brunswick Farms weren’t the only pack in the area. Not to mention that if the remaining Apathy were able to easily follow their missing brethren back to the Brunswicks Farms then…where Bartleby first discovered them can’t be too far from his home.

“…Managed to get two away from their pack. Hike back was miserable but got the bastards in the cellar. Wife thinks I was out sealing the waterway entrance. I’ll do it tomorrow and tell her truth once these things take the edge off of everyone. I’m tired.”

“…The next page proved that he did; but not before the rest of the pack followed their missing pair all the way home. My guess is they made their way beneath the estate through the water tunnels that Bartleby sealed up the next morning…”

But how? When you take into consideration how slow these things move, how is it that an entire pack of at least one hundred Apathy were able to make it onto the farm grounds through the underground water tunnels overnight if the location where these things were originally found weren’t nearby? Unless…the effects of the two Apathy that Bartleby captured were so strong that Bartleby wound up crashing for several hours and overslept then…my guess or at least the hunch that I’m going with is that there is probably a big Apathy nest nearby in the direction the group are heading.

In Bartleby’s sixth diary entry, he mentioned that a local huntsman pointed out the Apathy to him. I wonder if there will be another town or village in the direction the group are heading. For a huntsman to highlight this particular Grimm species, there must be more of them, right? Much, much more than what we saw on Brunswick Farms, believe it or not. I did compare these Grimm to bats. Based on some small research, some of the most successful species of bats live in large cave colonies. Some of these colonies have millions of members, even up to 20 million.

Imagine…our heroes having to travel through an abandoned dust mine in Northern Anima home to many tunnels and pathways, one of which is a quick detour that would take them directly to Argus. Now picture this same abandoned mine also being home to a large colony of Apathy Grimm including their Hecatonchire Alpha.

Imagine…Qrow being the first victim separated from the group and claimed by the Apathy Alpha, forcing the group to go rescue him. Then in the midst of the rescue mission, the others get captured as well; swallowed alive by the Hecatonchire and presumed to be dead.

This leaves our two young honest souls; Ruby and Oscar as the remaining two left to combat the horde of Apathy together. By my recollection, apart from Qrow, Oscar has yet to encounter the Apathy.

I feel like since only Team RWBY and Maria were the ones up against these Grimm the last time, during the second encounter, Weiss, Yang, Blake and Maria will join Qrow in the void as the Hecatonchire will deplete them of their will and swallow them alive. My concept is that the Hecatonchire Grimm is a type of Apathy that abducts its prey by latching onto them with one of its extendable long arms before dragging them to their deaths by absorbing them into its body. That’s how it will cut down the QROWMBY in my imagination.

Then there will be only two. Ruby will be left with Oscar and Oscar himself will be pushed into a delicate situation since he becomes the sole person left to be support Ruby as she succumbs to the effects of another larger horde of Apathy led by a single Hecatonchire.

Imagine…a scared and increasingly lethargic Oscar doing his darn hardest to drag or carry Ruby across the dirt. His efforts prove futile as he and Ruby find themselves trapped at a dead end as the encroaching Apathy approached. Using its Apathy to further drain what little spirt was left in the young huntsmen, the Hecatonchire sent forth its darkness to consume them.

As Oscar does his best to fight off the monster, he grabs onto Ruby, begging her to use her Silver Eyes as it’s the only way to save them; to save everyone. However Ruby…isn’t there anymore. To Oscar’s dismay, every bit of will and hopeful optimism that once shone brightly in Ruby’s eyes was snuffed out. It pained Oscar to see his friend like this but in a strange twist, Ruby’s loss of hope in turn sparks something within Oscar.

Perhaps…this would be the ripe moment for Oscar to unlock his unique power. I still stand by my previous theory of Oscar's semblance being Nullification. Maybe Oscar's power can negate the effects of not just other semblance users but even certain Grimm like the Apathy. Or…what if… Oscar’s power will be similar to Ren’s where just as how Ren can mask emotions, Oscar’s power is to restore hope and other happy emotions?

Effective in certain scenarios but not as flashy and fully functional as a cool Nullification semblance. I actually would rather that the CRWBY Writers’ do the exact same thing with Oscar that they did for Jaune---they only tease his semblance a little in V6 but won’t actually reveal its true nature until a later volume where its power would be better suited.

So Oscar teases his semblance by using it to clear Ruby’s apathetic mind to allow his words to reach her. Though the effects of the Hecatonchire were slowly beginning to consume him and Ruby together, Oscar’s determination to help Ruby snap back to senses allows him to persevere against the oncoming darkness. Pressing his forehead against hers and cupping her face gently in his hands, Oscar allows whatever bit of power was left in him to block out the effects of the Grimm so that all Ruby heard in that moment was his voice.

In a fitting parallel to V5 C5, Oscar reminds Ruby of the very words she told him last volume. He reminds her of her resolve to protect others while adding in all the reasons he, as a budding huntsman, strongly admired her so much because she never gave up and always fought for what was right and what she believed in. Y’know that sort of jazz.

As the darkness is about to eclipse Oscar and Ruby, in a final fleeting moment. Oscar embraces Ruby protectively and calls out her name. Remember that scene in Kingdom Hearts where Kairi recognized Sora as a Shadow Heartless and as more Heartless arrived to overpower the group, Kairi hugs Sora and a big light happens as Sora is restored to his original form in Kairi’s arms.

I'd love for something similar in RWBY where Ruby and Oscar are about to be swallowed by the Hecatonchire and in the last moment Oscar hugs Ruby tightly. There’s then this burst of white light repelling the darkness.

When Oscar looked back at Ruby he is amazed but relieved to find her warm face smiling back at him with a determined expression. Oscar had done it. His resolve had restored Ruby’s spark. Ruby then thanks Oscar for his help and in an unintentionally cheeky response, Oscar says to thank him later, reminding Ruby of the Grimm in the room.

As the Apathy recover from Ruby’s momentary burst of power, the Hecatonchire goes full gruesome as it consumed every Apathy in the room, surrounding Ruby and Oscar in a wall of shadows as it prepared for its second strike.

Ruby gets to her feet standing tall with a renewed courage that Oscar has never seen from the huntress before. Ruby then warns Oscar to shield his eyes as her eyes glowed. Oscar immediately complies and as he did, Ruby goes full force Silver Eyed Warrior on the Hecatonchire Grimm.

Not only does her attack demolish the Hecatonchire and the Apathy but the resounding light was so powerful that it also killed every other Apathy that unfortunately might’ve been lurking in the cave within a certain mile radius, leaving nothing behind but tiny flecks of darkness and light.

Something I found worth mentioning is that I liked how the remains of Ruby destroying the Apathy in C6 sort of mimicked how aftermath of the God of Darkness’ massive genocide on humanity in C3. Thought that was kind of cool.

Anyways continuing---Oscar, who had been covering eyes the entire time, is left completely mesmerized with a similar expression of awe to mimic Maria’s in C6. I just realized that Oscar is probably the only one who has yet to see the power of the Silver Eyes up close before. With Ruby standing amid the remnants of the Grimm, with the dimming light dancing around her like fireflies, to Oscar, admittedly, she looked more beautiful than he'd ever seen her.

If there was ever a moment for Oscar to fall head over heel in love with Ruby, it'd be here. But this is just my theory in my imagination.

One thing I’m curious about is, after Ruby receives training from Maria, will she still be prone to falling unconscious after using her Silver Eyes on full power? I know that’s what happened the first time. While I don’t want Ruby to fall comatose after unleashing the full extent of her Silver Eyes this volume, I wouldn’t mind, however, seeing her faint a bit only for Oscar to immediately catch her and prop her up like the strong support that he is.

Another thing I’m curious about is---how physically strong is Oscar at only 14 years old. I just wanna know if he’s got enough muscle in those arms to lift and carry a 16 year old Ruby all bridal style. Not gonna lie, I’d lose my shit if there’s ever an opportunity during V6 where Oscar is forced to pick Ruby up and carry her off bridal style. But that’s my inner Rosegardener speaking right now.

Going back to my theory---after Ruby defeats the Hecatonchire and the Apathy, of course the gang’s all saved. After the Hecatonchire disappeared, everyone’s bodies are left behind completely unharmed. Though Qrow, who suffered the most from the ordeal is left unconscious, the important thing is that he was still breathing.

Weiss is the first to regain consciousness and immediately rushed to Oscar’s side to help him support Ruby; y’know just like the shot in the opening.

I really dig the idea of Weiss and Oscar working together to be Ruby’s key support. The pillars to help her stay standing. Oscar will then entrust Weiss to look after Ruby as the farm boy rushed to check up on Maria. Oscar is worried that the whole event might’ve killed the poor old woman. But fortunately, Maria Calavera will live to see another day and hopefully join the team on another adventure

To conclude…

Overall, this is my theory for the plot of the last few episodes of Volume 6. Even if the way I imagined might not be how the canon story goes, a part of me does firmly believe that Ruby will lose hope at some point these season and will need the advice of someone to restore her spark.

That’s the way the story has been more or less shaping up thus far for Ruby. It’s definitely testing her; pushing her and as we saw last episode, we got a glimpse of Ruby’s will tethering on the edge. Thankfully she was able to talk herself out of her gloom.

Nonetheless I do think Ruby will crack and fall apart at some point during the remainder of the volume and my hope is that Oscar Pine, of all characters, will be right there to help piece her back together.

More Squiggles’ RWBY Content

~LittleMissSquiggles (2018)

#rwby #oscar pine #ruby rose #oscar and ruby #rwby theories #rwby volume 6 theories #rwby musings #rwby rosegarden #rwby volume 6 spoilers #qrow branwen

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inveesible · 6 years

Text

sorry it took so long @derelict-blade , and sorry if it's not what you expected >///<

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- the date on this thing says "October, 13, 2287", and all the clues lead me to believe that... the prototype 0078-yh...

- one of the functions of this thing is a journal on which I can write and save in a flash drive similar to a mini-disk (who uses mini-disks anymore?).I've decided to take note of everything that may help me understand what happened and to sort things out; if it's true that it's been 270 years since the day of my test on myself... no, I don't want to think about "that" question, now it's of no use to me.

- I managed to get out of this "vault", finally, only to come back with my tail between my legs. The scenery presented to me outside makes me believe that, at some point, during my hibernation, that atomic war finally happened.The state of the surrounding vegetation suggests that at least 50 years have passed.

- I think I killed all the giant cockroaches that infested the vault and I was able to make some terminals work, at least those are still intact... The hacking was so outdated that it was literally the last card I played. I found the diary of one of the scientists who worked here, and with it the confirmation of a nuclear strike occurred in date October 23, 2077; so they brought me here with the prototype between 2017 and 2077 and they used us to develop other cryopods, in which they locked twelve people against their will... those people survived the bombs just to be imprisoned here, maybe forever… or at least until the reactor stops working.

- I've had enough for today, I'll try to sleep and continue tomorrow. It's so cold here, but it could be me...

- 10/16: I decided to try to explore the surroundings once more, at the first giant spider that I meet I'll shoot myself straight in the head. I brought with me the gun I found, 22 bullets, no, 21... I’ll keep one for myself.

- before I left I checked the vital signs of the twelve hibernates, they are fine, as long as you can feel fine in a cryogenic induced coma... I promised (to who?) that every once in a while I'll be back to check on their conditions. now let's see how I handle this shit…

- I stopped almost immediately, at a gas station (?) a few steps from the vault. From the hillside you could see a hamlet, very small, maybe ten houses, but for now I prefer to avoid - I was going to write "population centres". I… I'm too scared of who or what I could find there, but here I was lucky, I met a dog, an healthy and friendly-looking German Shepherd... REGULAR SIZE. Good boy.

- from here you can see what looks like a water supply, and if it’s telling the truth, we are (meaning the dog and I) near Concord, meaning, we are not too far from Cambridge... I wonder if it wouldn't be better to… all I had was there... I need to see with my own eyes that... now...

- a few hours after leaving the gas station (??) it started raining, the dog and I (yes, he’s following me, and I must admit that I feel safer now), we found a shelter in an abandoned tool shed. I set up a bed and I locked myself in, now I want to take advantage of this time available to learn how to use this... wrist-computer (?); "pip-boy 3000" is says here, yeah there's no way I'm saying that...

- 10/17: I fell asleep while "playing" with this minicomputer, I were fooled by the puppy's body heat, or maybe it was his smell… but if it keeps away the beasts then it's worth it. I had breakfast with some canned water, I found old boxes of processed food that I don't trust to eat, I keep them aside for when I have no other choice... that could be a matter of hours, since I have not eaten in four days... oh right, 269 years, 10 months and 6 days, thanks a lot brain.

- the dog (I wonder if I should give him a name) hunted down a couple of birds to feed himself, I got a good look at them, he's so lucky he’s not a fussy.

- The dog is much smarter than many people I've met, he helped me find some medicines and A RIFLE! 38 caliber, telescopic sight, silencer, and 34 cartridges in a hip bag. Now I'm less afraid of meeting a giant spider... or nearly... He also brought me a can of Cram, regardless of the expiration date, I never liked it, but if I want to keep going with this experiment I'll have to come to terms with it, sooner or later.

- 10/18: I had to stop my entries because, like an idiot, I attracted a dogs pack with that goddamned Cram and... I had to... I've never shot anything alive before yesterday... I had never killed voluntarily... but those dogs were... I've never seen them so aggressive, they looked like those birds with which the dog (the friendly one) feeds occasionally, spot baldness, purulent sores, I managed not to get bit by the skin of your teeth. Who knows from what kind of bacterial mutant disease they were infected... they were five and... I shot three of them in the head after the dog (the friendly one) broke the first two's necks... then we had to run, I feared that the shots could have attracted something, or someone, even worse. Now we are safely locked in a wrecked bus, I cried for an hour and slept for another.

- it's an oddly beautiful full moon night, I can see the silhouettes of the buildings in Cambridge, if I leave at the first lights I could get to my old apartment by nightfall, if it works for everyone…

- in order to get my shit together I made an inventory of my "equipment": the clothes I'm currently wearing - a scarf (now in the bag) - my glasses - other sunglasses (now in the bag) - my pager (broken) - wallet - money ($ 518 in cash, $ 11 and 57 cents in change) - my I.D. did not survive the freezing, the data is illegible - 10mm gun - 17 ammo of the abovementioned gun - caliber 38 sniper rifle - 34 cartridges of the abovementioned rifle - 6 units of canned water - 1 unit of half eaten Cram (it sucks, but edible) - 2 units of Pork n’ Beans – 2 units of Fancy Lads Snack Cakes – a blue jumpsuit, new, too big for me (now in the bag).

- the food preservation industry has made tremendous strides while I was sleeping ... bah, America.

- inside the vault it didn't work properly, but I noticed that the radio of this minicomputer has intercepted some frequencies; as soon as I find a shelter I'll try to tune in. It's surely an indication of post-apocalyptic civilization, I don't know yet whether to rejoice or not.

-oh, this minicomputer also has a built-in thermometer, according to it I've a bit of fever and I'm almost dehydrated.

- I would give my left arm for a hot bath...

- … and the right one for some not 300-year-old cigarettes.

- I can't get those dogs out of my head... among all that happened to me, those dogs...

- it becomes increasingly difficult to avoid thinking of "that question"...

- 10/19 part 2: while I was having breakfast with the leftover of that Cram (ugh) I saw a person pass by, a woman, along the way nearby: she was alone, if we don't count the naked cow loaded with stuff (it had two heads?? Perhaps my dehydration is more severe than I expected), and she was armed, if we can consider weapon a gun made out of twigs and scrap metal (???), the dog was not alarmed, I was about to go and talk to her, but I'm a coward and I missed my chance...

- I waited to see her disappear behind a distant corner, then I waited another twenty minutes to not hear gunshots, at that point I followed her steps, we are pretty close to Cambridge, and more houses can mean more people, people who could be hostile, that's why I took the safe off.

- I wonder if it's not the case to go to the police station... I'm not stupid enough to hope to find Edward there, but maybe there’s some stock that could turn useful, weapons, ammunition, ESPECIALLY ammunition, better yet body armour, anti-aggression equipment... yes, it's DEFINITELY the case to go to the police station.

- Edward… when the war broke out he should have been 95... who knows if no fuck no, I can't think of this now, I don't want to do the same calculation for those assholes, they are dead, they are dead they are dead they are all dead I’m sorry Edward

- 10/19 part 3: I have two hours of light, I'm wasting time on this fire escape, it wasn't easy to get the dog up, he didn't want to hear of it, but I thought it was safer to try to get in from the roof, I didn't even see the main entrance... if there were people inside... if those people were armed and hostile... if that woman, that of the two-headed cow, went around armed there must be a reason... if those people were trying to kill me, how much further could I claim self-defense? Would I be able to defend myself? Would I be able to ... kill them before they kill me? This is going to be the most difficult experiment that I must ever conduct.

-OK that’s new: there are signs of recent activity, someone tried to set up a shelter in here, there’s ammo but no weapon, makeshift mattresses, FOOD, but I didn't touch anything; whoever did this could come back and I need to be ready, perhaps to fight, perhaps for a peaceful dialogue... I hope for the latter.

-10/21 I'm absolutely the most idiotic and lucky person in the world: after my last entry two days ago, due to the dog's body heat and to my belly full of 200 year old treats, I fell asleep AGAIN... I'm such a dumb shit…! The first unregistered voice that I heard in eight days woke me up, under threat and pointing to me what I later realized was a weapon, who highly invited me to identify myself and to declare my intentions. I've never been so close to wet my pants, but luckily that man was open to dialogue, maybe I'll write something about him and his group later, they are four, they know what they’re doing, and they don't want to hurt me... apparently.

- and now the bad news: when I was woken up the dog was gone. Danse, I mean Paladin Danse of the Brotherhood of Steel (?), said there was no dog with me when he found me, I looked for him a bit nearby the others warned me not to go too far because Cambridge is Ghoul infested (???)... that dog can take care of himself, he'll be fine... please let him be fine...

-Haylen wait, Scribe Haylen (oh my fucking god), is teaching me how to use the latest technology, hardware and stuff, she was nothing short of enthusiastic about my minicomputer, and advised me not to keep it inside my duffle bag, but always on my wrist (shit, it's as comfortable as a wooden underwear). She also told me to wear the jumpsuit I found in the vault, the one that was too big for me, because the fabric is made of a radiation-resistant material, has the ability to regulate body heat according as necessary and, lo and behold, it's not too big, the suit fits your size, you wear it, you wiggle in it a little bit, and it fits perfectly. I'm wearing it under my clothes, it's definitely TOO tight for my liking.

- speaking of radiations, Haylen says that the medicines I found are safe, in small doses even that pre-war food, although fresh food would be better (fresh food here???).

- I like Haylen, we share very much and I can talk to her pretty quietly, she asks a lot of questions, but can't say I wouldn't have done the same myself. Paladin Danse is doing his best to make me feel comfortable, he doesn’t always succeed, however I appreciate the effort, and his "power armor" is the coolest thing I've ever seen! Sometimes I find Knight Keane looking away from me, he hasn’t spoke to me in two days, almost makes me think he hates me, he would not be the first. Knight Rhys is dickhe

- Paladin Danse called a meeting in ten minutes, this time my presence is requested, and now that I'm writing it, I'm afraid it's because they've finally decided what to do with me...

#may #brotherhood of steel oc #dogmeat?#paladin danse #scribe haylen #knight keane #knight rhys #expect some reblogs #I put a lot of work into this shit #sorry for my shitty english

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