#because you supported him with the risk it could be and didn't care!!!!

[legendof]

if I see "we can be friends despite political differences" from one more smug maga supporter or "can't we just move on" I'm gonna scream. No! We can't! The things him and his party have said are vile and dangerous and you thought it was fine to support him!!!! you thought it was fine!!!! how can we be friends and move on????

[carefulfears]

txf30 day 4: favorite dynamic (besides the obvious): scully/mulder/skinner

y’all mind if i ramble for a second?? there are so many connections that are so important to this story, but i always come back to these three. i think everything does.

i say that memento mori is the most loving episode of the series, but when i think about that one, it’s not even the kiss in the hallway that stays with me. it’s skinner coming in to work, the first time scully was in the hospital, and finding mulder sitting in his office. and he’s just been sitting there. bypassed the secretary (lol), and just sat and waited. he doesn’t have anywhere else to go.

and the way that skinner tells him, no. don’t do it to yourself under any circumstances. that he is not to risk himself to try to save scully. ultimately, it’s not mulder that made the deal with the devil, it’s skinner who didn’t follow his own advice. (gave up everything he has, to save them both).

and these are just two weirdos who work for him in the basement!! he doesn’t owe them anything. but he’s the one there, at the end, no matter what. he’s the one who comes to get them when they’re hurt, or lost, or need help. they’re his emergency contacts, the people who show up, the people who advocate for him. the people who know him. (the bigfoot division are a.d. skinner’s silly rabbits etc etc etc)

in iwtb, after six years away, it’s skinner who comes to get scully, on the side of the road, next to mulder’s flipped car. tells her that they will find him, that he’s okay, to breathe. it’s skinner that holds mulder on the ground, in the end.

when mulder went back to bellefleur, it's skinner that scully sent with him. that girl has never trusted a single soul to so much as breathe mulder's air, but "i won't let you go alone," is immediately followed by skinner packing the car.

like trish said last night:

i think telling scully he "lost" mulder was the hardest thing he ever did. skinner loves mulder too, but mulder is scully's entire world. and this time around, he won't let scully be alone the way mulder was.

(and the kindest thing scully ever did: squeezing his hand, saying "i already heard.")

(skinner returns the favor: he tells mulder about william, so that scully doesn't have to.)

my favorite moment in requiem is the final scene, the two of them crying together. the only two people. the only two people who know.

when she tells him that she's pregnant, he's the first to know. the only person to know, for most of her pregnancy. 18 years later, he's still the first person thinking of their baby, looking out for him.

honestly, it always comes back to sein und zeit for me. when after 7 years, after 27 years, mulder says that it's just too much, and he wants to go home. he wants time away from work. the sequence in the car: mulder in the backseat, skinner behind the wheel, scully on the passenger's side. for so many years, mulder had to be searching, so that he wouldn't be alone. but now he stands in front of two people who love him, and admits to needing a break. to wanting it to stop. he's guided, he's guarded.

skinner is a hardass. it's not easy to manage their madness. it's not easy to write the footnotes, to be the person waiting, in this particular story. but like he tells mulder, 14 years after they last worked together: not a day goes by where he doesn't just wish they were there, trying to make things better.

[virtue-boy]

Its kind of insane like genuinely insane how many people on here have no idea what life is like for average people in the third world / global majority and the Neo-colonialism that creates those conditions to support conditions in the North and how insanely cruel they can be as the absolute baseline and the type of killing and death that maintains the boundaries between the north and the south.

Like tell me you've never met an immigrant or refugee without telling me. Do you genuinely not know what happens to people who get deported, or work in the farms or meatpacking factories that feed the North?? The child deaths in the border crossings? The mines all over the globe? The people that die from lack of baseline vaccinations and sanitation and healthcare trademarked by western companies? The literal MILLIONS of third worlders killed in the wars across the globe defending US economic hegemony? The agent orange, the land mines, the carpet bombing, the drones? What the fuck is wrong with you?

[diamondsunbursts-and-marblehalls]

The first real conversation Katniss has with Peeta is when he tells her that he wants to die as himself, that he doesn't want the games to change him into something he's not, and that he wants to keep his identity and prove he's more than just a piece in their games because that's the only thing he has left to care about.

The first time we see Lucy Gray she sings a song that basically says that nothing they could take from her was worth keeping. "Can't take my past. Can't take my history... You can't take my charm. You can't take my health."

The capitol has taken everything from them both, but at the same time, they could never take away who they are.

They are both likeable charismatic and funny, with the kindest hearts, and incredibly loyal to the people they care about.

At the same time, everything they do before the games, and during is calculated. Lucy Gray singing a love song and winning the hearts of the capitol. Peeta confesses he's in love with his district partner, therefore cementing her identity as desirable. Both of them know how to sway people with words, how to charm people, and how to manipulate crowds. Neither of them has any problem doing so to keep themselves, and the people they love safe.

Lucy Gray's song The Old Therebefore, about learning how to love and live her life to the fullest before death, a final and calculated stroke in a last-ditch effort to save herself from the arena. This evokes enough emotion in the watchers to get them to rise to their feet and plead for her life alongside Snow.

Snow, watching the 74th and preparing for the 75th Hunger Games sees Lucy Gray in Katniss. A young girl, from the 12th district. Unafraid at the reaping. Selling a false love story, manipulating a boy who loves her in order to get out and supporting the revolution with the mockingjay as her symbol.

He threatens her family to get her to sell that she and Peeta are in love, to prevent the revolution, because obviously, she's pretending. He's had experience with a girl just like her before. He has no doubt that she has the acting ability to sell this story because clearly, she manipulated the first Hunger Games in her favor, the same way Lucy Gray manipulated him.

Watching the interviews for the 75th Hunger Games he realizes-

Katniss is just an impulsive girl, in a Mockingjay dress she didn't know about, made by someone who supports the revolution.

Peeta is a boy who has the ability to move people with just his words. He made Katniss desirable, he was the one who sold the love story, and he was the one to make their romance seem real. Katniss only started the revolution because she would rather risk dying with him than live without him. A concept President Snow was completely unfamiliar with. And it is with all these realizations crashing around him Peeta drops the baby bomb. He knows the baby's not real, and so does Snow. But it evokes enough emotion in the watchers to get them to rise to their feet and plead for the lives of the tributes.

Is it Lucy Gray or Peeta?

By the time Snow realizes he's made a mistake, it's too late.

Peeta is still charming and manipulating the capitol. Katniss is in love.

He goes up against a kindhearted boy expecting to beat Sejanus again, only to find out that it's Lucy Gray he's fighting; knowing he will never be able to escape their ghosts.

-from a conversation i had with @grandtyphoonpoetry breaking down every character in the hunger games.

[the-other-art-blog]

Violet to Colin: "You're one of my most sensitive children."

The fandom: "How can she say that! Anthony, Benedict bla, bla bla..."

Colin is ONE of her most sensitive children. ONE, just ONE of them. And she's right.

ONE OF HER MOST SENSITIVE CHILDREN

He was the only one who indulged Violet and let her introduce him to debutantes in s1, while Anthony fucked his mistress and Ben went to orgies.

He was a complete gentleman with Marina. AND defended her when Anthony implied something about her.

And when he learned the truth, he confessed that he would have married her if she had told him the truth. 🥹

He danced with Pen after Cressida bullied her.

He wrote dozens of letters that his family of 8 could not care to respond to often. There are 8 of them!

He worried about Ben in s2 and supported him on his application to the Academy.

He learned the truth of Jack Featherington and instead of simply leaving, he did something about it. Not only did he help the Featherington family, but he saved other lords from being scammed.

He apologized to Will, explained why he acted rudely AND made amends to repair the damage by bringing men to Will's club.

He returned with gifts for everyone, but he seemed particularly thoughtful to his sisters and mother. A perfume for Hyacinth, music for Francesca, and a book for Eloise 🥹. Violet was so moved by his gift and here we have a lovely headcanon on the watch:

Then with Pen...

He runs after Pen, despite other men wanting to know about his adventures.

He acknowledges his mistake and immediately tries to apologize to Pen in the Four Seasons Ball.

The next day, he comes back with a heartfelt apology.

Then, he offers her help, despite the risk of scandal and embarrassment for him. He knows Pen has no one else.

He goes to see Pen at night to make sure she's ok. And when she asks him for a kiss, he does it so sweetly.

He is brave enough to leave the men who just want to know about his sexual life.

HE WAS BRAVE ENOUGH TO ASK, as soon as he put himself together and understood his feelings. He didn't play jealousy games like others, he went and put his heart on the table. He didn't even know about Pen's feelings and he risked it!

Some extracts from Colin's journals show that his family is always in his thoughts.

You can see why Violet, as the good mother that she is, can tell how sensitive he is.

Colin travels during the summer and comes back during the season to be with his family. It angers me that people think he's selfish for this when Benedict also abandons the family to fuck.

And yet, both Colin and Ben are sensitive. BOTH OF THEM, Francesca too. I wouldn't call Hyacinth or Gregory sensitive right now, and before s3, I wouldn't include Eloise either.

Anyway, I needed to get this out because I am so fucking tired of Kanthonies and Benophies making tantrums about this line.

I'm sure when s4 comes, we are going to see a moment between Violet and Ben where she acknowledges how amazing he is and everything he has done for the family. But not now, because this is COLIN'S SEASON.

(NOTE: If you are thinking of reblogging this post with the tag #Colin is the most sensitive, kindly fuck off. I made this post to fight the Kanthonies and Benophie that are attacking Colin, not to validate your own need to make Colin superior to other characters. HE IS ONE OF THE MOST SENSITIVE CHILDREN, ONE)

[lovemomhatepolice]

drew starkey nswf alphabet (part 2)

navigation taglist requests

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) There is no chance that it will touch you after alcohol. That is, when only you are after alcohol. Even though you are in a relationship and even though you trust each other implicitly, THERE IS NO SUCH OPTION. Even if you look at him with your pleading eyes, even dripping, no. Well, unless you are both slightly tipsy and then you land in each other's arms, even more willingly than usual (which is all too strange)

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) Heck, you guys are even fighting over it. There's no way you're going to get around it without plowing both ways. Drew loves, LOVES to lie between your thighs - oh and you love how he is there, because your man is very talented. But you also take his breath away as you climb into his lap and caress him with your mouth. Let's hope it never ends, right?

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) Let's be honest - Drew is a man of a million talents. You want him to fuck you hard, with your face pressed into a pillow, begging for it to stop, even though you don't really want it to - he will. If you're in a romantic mood and want to seal it with sex, he'll be sensual and calm. Whatever you desire

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) If you do not have the opportunity to have sex longer, quickies also are ok. But as I mentioned, Drew doesn't like to skip the “elements” of your intercourse, so quickies are not to his liking. But sometimes you both want it, and what can you do?

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) This man is turning 31!!! (Funnily enough - he turns it tomorrow) We all seem to know very well how well he takes care of his sister-in-law. So it's no wonder he doesn't mind if you don't use protection or are not on the pill. Oh, he would love to have children with you, even if you are quite a bit younger. If you were ready, he could fuck you all night long just to put that baby inside you

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?) It depends on how aroused he is. Usually you can easily do two-three rounds if you are not tired. Drew doesn't like to finish after one round, who would he be if he didn't fondle his woman to her limits?

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) He has. Not a lot, but I think she keeps a vibrator at her house to sometimes support her actions and improve your sex. He's not some big fan, but he likes to experiment

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) He doesn't do it all that often - in fact, mostly when you're heavily aroused against him, and he (due to the fact that he's quite elderly) takes a little advantage of it. He prolongs with doing you good with his mouth, moves slowly inside you, oh, but how he returns the favor afterwards

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) Oh, he is loud! Drew doesn't suppress his moans, loud breaths or saying how wonderful you are to him, how beautiful your body is and how much he loves you. He is sonorous and I think that is his advantage. Imagine that damn sexy voice of his worshiping you...

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character) Maybe it's because he's an actor - and such a perversion came out of his work, or maybe he just saw such a thing once in a porn. Drew had the thought, and more than once, of having sex with you as one of his film characters. I don't know, he wanted to get into Rafe's or Trevor's shoes and fuck you like they could (meaning he could)

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) Drew has a lot to show off. He's all big, so it's also no surprise that his boxers are constantly bulging. But I guess that doesn't bother anyone, right? Especially in your bed, as you finally feel as full as you should

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?) There are times when he can behave himself and tries not to pay so much attention to how sexy his girlfriend is, but this is rare. Even at the family home, he tries to take you aside, at least for a moment to go to the restroom to have a hot kissing session, and then go back to the family as if nothing ever happened. Oh, he can't take his hands off you and it takes so little for him to be at your every beck and call

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) You talk to each other for a long time before you fall asleep, but for Drew, first of all, it is important that you fall asleep first, only then will he feel properly to fall asleep - with the knowledge that his whole world is safe in his arms

A/N: part one if anyone missed it!! i will be very pleased if you leave something behind - orders are open, and I am very close to 600 followers! if you just like my work - take a look at the masterlist, give a heart, pass, and maybe even follow! it really means a lot to me and helps me grow by reaching more people :) please do not copy and translate my works! in case of any issues related to this - I invite you to discuss privately :)

[sillygoofyqueer]

I'm bored, so take different people's reactions to Xie Lian's spiritual array password ('just recite the Ethics Sutra a thousand times'): Quan Yizhen: No matter how many fucking times it is explained to him, he will never get it. He will sit there in utter silence for at least twenty minutes (everyone thinks he's talking to Xie Lian), until he's asked what he's talking about to Xie Lian, and he gets pissy because they interrupted his count - by this time, it becomes realised that he has fallen for it again. Extra points if it's like, a super dangerous mission and his team is in desperate need of support so they're like "Qi Ying, contact His Highness for backup now!" while they fight this massive fucken ghost and he goes utterly still, face screwing up in concentration, and just gets pummelled into the nearest wall. He ends up just using other people to talk to Xie Lian.

Lang Qianqiu: At first, he finds it funny because what a silly little joke from his former mentor, if only he was this funny when he had been teaching him all those years ago. After a while though, he starts getting slowly irritated each time he has to communicate with Xie Lian because he has to catch himself out as he starts reciting the Ethics Sutra, silently cursing himself out in his head. Ling Wen: If she ever does need to communicate with Xie Lian, it's for official business so she has no time to think about it too much, and therefore cannot be tripped up by it. However, after a long while without sleep, she will occasionally find herself quite literally doing what the password commands, and will allow a little smile at the thought. One time when this happened, she was reported to have started manically laughing and placing her head into her hands. Pei Ming: He finds it fucking HILARIOUS. Like, imagine Feng Xin's reaction but times ten at least, as he laughs uproariously and slaps his hand to his knee, all the while pointing at Xie Lian and going, "Your Highness, I didn't realise you were such a comedian!!" No matter how many times he communicates with Xie Lian, he will always laugh at it for a few minutes. He's like a father. I if he's talking about using the array, everyone can immediately tell who he's communicating with based on whether or not he laughs. Shi Qingxuan: I honestly think they'd have a little laugh about it at first, and then never react to it ever again. Like, "Hahaha" and that's it. They never really get caught out by it, because their brain is going into overdrive about whatever they want to talk to Xie Lian about so they just break their way into his Array with little thought to it all. Not that they're dumb in any sense of the word, they're just so focused on their gossip that they shake at the bars of the cage without even remotely thinking too hard about it. Shi Wudu: I know he'd probably communicate with Xie Lian through other people but, on the rare occasion that he communicates with His Highness personally, he is not at all amused. He calls it childish and silly. Well, in public, anyway. In private, he'll probably actually find himself having a little chuckle about it, shaking his head as he enters the array before pulling up his walls instantly. Yushi Huang: Xie Lian gets really embarrassed telling her because it feels childish, and she let him borrow her spiritual device during his first ascension, so he doesn't want her to be like "can't believe I let this child use my spiritual device." When he does eventually tell her, she probably smiles and nods, but doesn't give any other reaction. Inside? Knee slaps all around for the Crown Prince. He Xuan: Why does he have to personally communicate Xie Lian? He doesn't want to risk Hua Cheng beating him if he says something "wrong". When he hears Xie Lian's password, he stares at him with a glower that could kill if it were any other person, letting out the most empty laugh ever so he didn't get beaten, before walking away. So no, he does not care for Xie Lian's humour, and did not fall for it - he did. He did fall for it, but he has such a resting bitch face that it's hard to tell. He gets mad at himself for falling for it. He pretends not to. Hua Cheng knows though, and He Xuan knows that he knows. Yin Yu: So, imagine you're an underpaid, overworked employee with an absolutely terrifying boss. He scares the shit out of you. He has a very lovely husband who he cares about dearly and will definitely be pissed off at you if you dare hurt his husband. His husband makes a joke and you can feel your boss' eyes glaring right into your soul from behind. This is how Yin Yu feels when he's told about Xie Lian's password. So, of course, I'm sure you can all picture the - in Yin Yu's opinion - most exaggerated falling for it ever, followed by laughter that reeks of "please, PLEASE go with this. I don't want to lose my job", until Yin Yu has to physically stop to breathe.

[forsworned]

It’s said canonically that simon riley has trauma around intimacy from torture 😔 If you feel comfortable writing it, can I please ask for a short fic of an Afab reader body worshipping/lovingly pleasuring Simon after they both work through his trauma and he’s getting all soft and emotional and babbling about how good reader is making him feel and how much he loves them and can’t believe someone cares about him this much? I always liked the idea of Simon being portrayed as vulnerable and soft and not this dom sex god a lot of people portray him to be. I really love your work and would love to see your take on this request :)

Soft ft. Simon 'Ghost' Riley

Author's Note: So I do recall someone making a post about this and I have to say I do not agree with everything. Men definitely process trauma, specifically sexual trauma a lot differently than women do. While women experience guilt, men experience anger. And maybe it's not all men who experience it that way, but after reading the comic and making my own assessment, I can say that Simon does have lingering anger. Of course, he is hell-bent on avenging his dead family, but all that pent-up energy could be going toward trying to even the score. He is pretty level-headed and able to compartmentalize. He has support from his comrades as well as undergoes mandatory rigorous mental health assessments because that's military protocol. He needs to be able to perform his duties on the field without putting himself or others at risk. He also most certainly gets mandatory counseling. Although he may be reluctant, his superiors are very much aware of the possible impact that it has on his mental health. So all that to say that Simon is not without help. He is not as "damaged" as people may perceive him to be. He's not a broken individual. As seen in the remastered MW's, albeit reluctant he can clearly put his trust in others. He develops relationships with the people who he works closely with meaning he is capable of change. SIGH. I just wish people would break this down a little more, but I do get what you're saying. His masculinity, trust issues, and the type of secret operations he goes on can lessen the effectiveness of the therapy. He's definitely a very complex character with layers to him, but I just don't think he's as weak as you may think he is. It's also important to note that it hasn't been confirmed that this current Simon went through the same thing. He could have a completely different background. Honestly, Activision is so fucking inconsistent but ANYWAYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS I hope you enjoy this. Also if you read this all the way through, I applaud you. But thank you for enjoying my work, I didn't mean to critique you and your request, but I just couldn't let it slide LOL

Warnings: PnV sex, AFAB!Reader, Some Canon Simon Lore, Sexual Content, Mentions of Sexual Trauma

"Si—Simon..."

You sigh out in pleasure with every roll of your hips as you grind down on him. Your clit grazes against his lower abdomen, and his cock stretches you out pliant. Fingers dig into his shoulders, marking half crescents into his pale, scarred skin. But something feels off.

His hands loosen their grip on your hips, and upon opening your eyes you find him his half-lidded gaze distant in a familiar haze. He isn't present.

"Simon." You halt the rutting of your hips, cupping his stubbly cheeks. "Are you alright?"

His onyx hues fixate on you. He is clearly readjusting his withdrawn eyes to refocus on you. You didn't want to say it yet, but you had felt him go a little soft a few seconds prior. "We can stop."

"No, no." His fingers squeeze your middle as he sits up a bit. You shake your head, but he's not letting up. "Why stop?"

You firmly grasp his face and his blonde lashes flutter up at you with a seemingly unreadable expression, but you're no stranger to Simon's detachment. Although he loathes to admit it, it happens. The relearning of being intimate is tumultuous for him.

"Because you're not mentally here, my love."

He frowns. "But I want y'to finish."

You exhale sharply. He doesn't even deny it. "No, Simon. I'd feel disgusted with myself if I finished while you weren't here with me."

He struggles to reply. In all honesty, he doesn't know what to say. It's not exactly a common occurrence, but he's not too keen on having a conversation about it. You never pry though. His therapy sessions are his own, unless, of course, you join him if he so desires.

Couples counseling is mandatory. A rule you established when you first decided to tie the knot. If you had problems that were beyond just a sit-down talk, a professional would have to intervene. And Simon agreed. No fuss, no muss. To preserve the sacredness of your relationship, he'd do anything.

He sighs. "'m sorry, dovie." He caresses your sides, feeling the gooseberries on your skin rise. A small smile adorns his lips and you giggle at his smugness.

"Stop it." You begin to get off of him, but Simon holds you firmly. You feel his dick harden inside of you, now kissing your cervix. A little gasp escapes your chest as you readjust yourself.

"Y'like tha'?" Simon's grinning now. It's his confidence gleaming through the abysmal darkness of his mind. The life in his eyes feels revitalized, and you now feel his vigor—literally.

"Yes, but..."

"'m here, love." He reaffirms, squeezing your waist again. "'m here. Please, 'm achin' for you."

He groans a bit and bucks his hips when he feels you pulsate around him. You return your own moan, leaning forward but his fingers thread through your hair and he brings you into a sloppy, heated kiss. His hips thrust into you slowly and deeply, earning a guttural moan from him.

For a moment as you withdrew from the kiss, your gazes meet and Simon's eyes soften and become glossy with tears that brim over his oculars and spill over the corners of his eyes.

"Oh, baby." You coo, holding him close as you kiss his face. His sadness is silent, yet palpable. You're now babbling sweet, sweet words to him as you pepper him with kisses, and Simon holds you as if you're going to slip away. You gently guide him through the double inhale technique you learned from your therapist, and with the sweetness of your voice, the kindness in your eyes, and the tenderness of your touch, he feels at ease.

"I dunno how y'put up with me."

You grin, kissing the corner of his lip. "It ain't easy."

"Oh?" He flips you over on your back, pressing you firmly against the mattress and you giggle into the nape of his neck. "Wanna say that again, love?"

You thread your fingers through his sandy blonde hair and kiss the tip of his nose. "You're not hard to love, Simon."

His eyes soften once more and he kisses you deeply. Simon has never cherished anyone more in his life. You were always so patient and kind from the jump. You were truly the "greater woman" behind the "great man".

He rests his forehead against yours and closes his eyes as you gently card your fingers in his hair.

"Thank you, lovie."

[band--psycho]

Sevika x Fem!Reader - Before Things Changed

So this is based off a request from @arevik2345 who requested an enemies - lovers trop with Sevika; but I decided to change it slightly to the lovers -enemies - lovers trope! (So don't worry there will be at least 4 parts to this series)

This is my first Sevika story so please be kind, reblogs are always welcome and greatly appreciated!

Requests are still open so if you have any ideas/requests, you're more than welcome to send them over (thank you to everyone who's requested a story so far, I'm working my way through them!)

I hope you all enjoy this! Thank you all for the continued support!💛

I do not give permission for any of my works to be copied or translated onto this site or other platforms!

Sevika Masterlist / Arcane Masterlist / Join My Taglist

Warnings: Overthinking!reader, mentions of loss, smut, fingering, overstimulation, dominating!Sevika, edging (18+)

You knew Sevika was angry, you could feel it radiating off of her even when the two of you arrived  home. 

You didn’t agree with what she said to Vander, about him being weak; but you understood why she’d said it.

Having the Enforcers down in the Lanes was making everyone uncomfortable. 

The disrespect the Enforcers showed everyone down here was horrible, but it wasn’t Vanders fault, the Enforcers were just arrogant shitheads. 

You also knew that Vander meant what he said, when he said that he would protect anyone in the Lanes; he wasn’t just protecting the kids because they were his kids, he was protecting them because they were from the Lanes.

Though you did have to admit that you could see how people were coming to this conclusion. 

“Don’t you think you were a bit harsh to Vander?” You asked Sevika softly from the sofa, watching as she grabbed a bottle of alcohol from the cupboard. 

“No,” Sevika answered bluntly, taking a large swig of the drink before sitting down next to you. 

A soft sigh left your lips as you shuffled slightly in the seat so that you were closer to her. 

“He’s just trying to do what he thinks is right,” you countered back, grabbing the bottle from Sevikas hands and taking a few sips of it before handing it back to her. 

“He’s wrong,” she stated bluntly, taking the bottle back from you

“He’s just trying to protect us." 

Sevika let out a small scoff at your words; as she turned to look at you, “You agree with him?” 

You did. 

Vander was your friend. 

You trusted him

Besides, you weren’t a fighter; not like Sevika..

You didn’t like the Enforcers, that was a fact. 

But you knew what another uprising meant. 

It meant that there was a risk of losing people you cared about…

It meant that you could lose Sevika. 

And you didn’t want that. 

So no, you didn’t want the uprising to happen. 

Did that make you a coward? 

Probably. 

But you didn’t care. 

You’d already seen enough death, suffered enough loss, that the thought of losing her, made your heart feel heavy.

“You know what happened last time…” you began, reaching out and tentatively stroking her arm, your eyes meeting hers, “I just don’t want to lose you.”

You watched  as a small grin grew on her lips as she placed the bottle down on the table beside her. 

“You worry about me so much, angel,” she hummed, savouring how delicate your fingers felt on her skin as she leaned in closer to you, “But you’re never gonna lose me.”

You wanted to believe her words; and put this down to your mind just jumping to the worst case scenario as it so often did.

But this wasn’t one of those scenarios. 

And no matter how much you wanted to trust the woman in front of you, you couldn’t. 

She was a skilled fighter, but that didn't make her untouchable. 

Your thoughts were halted when you felt Sevikas lips softly kissing up your arm.

“Sev, what are you doing?”

“Getting you outta your head,” she breathed, her lips trailing kisses up the side of your neck.

You hated how she could do this. 

How she could distract you from your thoughts with such ease. 

“Just relax, baby,” she whispered, her lips now only inches away from yours; as she ran her other hand under your oversized tshirt and up your chest to your breasts, “let me take care of you,”

 it was almost embarrassing how easily you complied with her orders. 

“Sevi,” you whined in response, laying back on the sofa,  the anticipation of her touch making your core ache with desperation. 

You needed her.

Needed her touch. 

Her lips. 

Something. 

Anything. 

You were so desperate for even the slightest touch.

It was all you could focus on. 

Sevika was all you could focus on; your thoughts and worries from earlier drifting further to the back of your mind with every blissfully torturous touch she left on your skin. 

“That’s it baby, just focus on me,” she praised, noticing how your body was squirming slightly beneath her, a clear sign to her that you needed more. 

“So needy,” she smirked with satisfaction. 

She’d barely even touched you and you were already a mess. 

She knew what she was doing to you; and she couldn’t help but revel in it. Revel at the little noises that were falling from your lips with every little touch she left on your bare skin; revel in how fucking beautiful you looked right now, with a look of desperation forming in your eyes.

Sevikas hand, the one that had been on your chest was now slowly drifting down to the place you craved to be touched the most. 

Even in the dimly lit room, you noticed a twinkle in her eyes as her thumb softly massaged your swollen clit. 

You could’ve cum just from that single touch alone; and you almost did, until Sevika quickly withdrew her hand from you. 

There was no denying that Sevika found it addictive, seeing you like this. 

But she needed to see more. 

That’s why she made such quick work of effortlessly removing your panties and oversized shirt  from your body, tossing them aside, so you were completely naked beneath her. 

She couldn’t take her eyes away from you; she was just staring at you, completely captivated. 

You opened your mouth, to beg her to just touch you; but your words morphed into a loud moan when she pushed two fingers inside your dripping pussy. 

You attempted to cover your mouth with your hand, but Sevika made short work of pinning both of your hands above your hand; her fingers pumping inside you at a relentless speed, ensuring to hit your sweet spot every time. 

“Need to hear you, angel,” she whispered in your ear before lightly biting the crook of your neck, eliciting another moan from you. 

You’d lost track of how many times you came. 

All you knew was that it was enough times to make your head feel all woozy. 

But Sevika didn’t stop; she just kept going. 

She kept pushing you over the edge again and again and again.

“Sev-Sevi-”you panted as you came down from another high, “I can’t-”

Sevikas pulled her fingers back to the entrance of your pussy, her thumb (unbeknownst to you) hovering over your clit once again. 

“Awh have you had enough, baby?” She teased, kissing the side of your mouth, flicking your sensitive nub with her thumb lightly, “I think you should be a good girl and cum for me again.”

You were so far gone; lost in the bliss of your countless oragasms, that you couldn’t deny her. 

Especially not when her fingers started pumping in and out of you again. 

Her words mixed with the fast pace of her fingers in conjunction with the occasional taps on your overstimulated clit, had your back arching once again.

“Sevikaaa fuck,” you moaned as she sent you tumbling over the edge of your own pleasure.

“Such a good girl,” Sevika praised against your skin, before placing a delicate kiss on your lips as she removed her fingers from your core. 

“So beautiful,” she whispered to you, making a tired chuckle fall from your lips. 

Beautiful? 

You were certain you looked a complete and utter mess. 

Despite your thoughts, Sevika just continued to whisper those words to you, as she pressed her lips over the bite marks on your neck as she laid next to you on the sofa, your legs intertwining with each others.

You were completely and utterly exhausted and you could feel yourself slowly drifting off to sleep, but you fought to keep your eyes open and yourself awake, desperate to give Sevika the same pleasure she’d given you. 

But when you went to touch her, she lightly grabbed your hand, halting your movements.

“Sevika-”

“Shh, just relax baby,” she muttered, pulling you closer to her. 

“But what about you?” You whispered softly as your thumb rubbed small circles into the back of her hand. 

“This was about getting you to relax,” she stated, nuzzling her head into the crook of your neck. 

You could’ve argued with her; but one, you knew that was going to be like fighting a losing battle and two, you were too tired to disagree with her. 

It only took a few minutes for sleep to take a hold of you; meanwhile Sevika was still awake. 

She understood your worries about another uprising; but things were getting out of hand now and someone had to do something about it, to protect the Undercity. 

Sevika thought Vander was that man, until tonight, now she doubted he was, which meant she needed to find someone who could do the job Vander couldn’t do. 

Tagging:

@xacatalepsyx @barbersjoy @conretewings @the-lone-librarian @cass-brightwood @fortune-fool02 @arielpanda1 @mothratic @simping-ella @stickyrice5096 @levis-butterfingers @lesbianinyourarea @vvampirelust

[phoward89]

Based on this ask

Coriolanus Snow knew firsthand the deadly risks of childbirth, considering he watched in horror as a young child when his own mother and baby sister died, but he knew that he needed an heir to carry on the Snow name. When he planned on marrying for hate, well, he could care less what happened to his wife during the delivery.

But, somehow, all his plans and views on marriage changed when he met you. You were hired as his secretary, so you spent a lot of time with him. Coriolanus never planned on falling in love with you, but he did. Hell, he even killed your boyfriend in order to make you single again so you'd be able to go out with him.

And when you accepted his offer of dinner, which came with a single white rose, a few months after the death of your longtime boyfriend, he did everything in his power to make you fall in love with him. Coriolanus was successful, you fell hard and fast for him. He was too charming not to let wiggle into your heart, and into your bed.

The president needed a first lady, so he proposed and married you. But it was a bit scandalous, considering you were his secretary. After a couple of negative articles in the media, well, Coriolanus got rid of the writers and made sure that the studios and printing presses in the Capitol (all of Panem actually) knew that if another foul word was printed about his relationship with his wife then he'd kill every single person in the media office.

Safe to say, only articles praising President Snow and First Lady Snow’s love and glamorous life hit the press after that.

And then, of course, came the subject of children. After discussing it, you stopped taking birth control. And you ended up getting pregnant right away.

Seeing you so round with his child gave Coriolanus joy. Gave him an ego boost because he was the one to plant his seed in you. You were carrying his child. His precious baby.

The baby was no longer looked at as an heir, but as a baby to love.

And it was all because of you.

“Coryo, I have my top list of baby names finished.” You told your husband, who was lounging in bed wearing only a pair of sleep pants.

Coryo watched as you sat across the room, placing his fountain pen back into its holder after writing down the final name on your baby name list.

After discussing it, you both decided to wait until the baby was born to discover the gender. You wanted to be surprised and Coriolanus just wanted you to be happy.

“Are you going to let me see it, my darling?” Your platinum blonde husband asked as you slowly stood up from his corner desk.

Placing a hand on your large belly, you smiled, “Of course I'm going to let you see it.”

Grabbing the list, you slowly walked over to the bed. After getting into bed, you handed the list to your husband. “Tell me what ones you like, Mister President.”

Coryo kissed your cheek and smiled. “Of course, First Lady Snow.”

He read over the list, only to discover that you had more boys' names than girls written down. After giving it some thought, he told you, “Cassian Xandros is perfect for our son. It's a strong name.” Mulling it over, he pointed to a name on the paper and announced, "Cersei sounds nice for a girl.”

“It's not nice, Coryo, it's beautiful.” You countered, pulling the list out of his hands. “Looks like the baby has a name; all we need to do is wait for it to come.”

The day your daughter Cersei Snow was born was the day that your husband decided to hate her.

The day didn't start out with him hating his baby girl.

No, it started with your water breaking and a trip to the hospital. Coriolanus canceled all of his meetings, briefings, and work for the day just to be by your side.

He was very supportive during your labor. Letting you hold his hand during painful contracts, smoothing your hair back away from your sweaty face with a damp rag, and buzzing the nurse multiple times for both ice chips and pain medication for you.

The nurses all gossiped amongst each other about how President Snow was the perfect doting husband and and father to be. That he'd make a very good father.

Little did they know.

Little did anyone know what would happen once the doctor came into the room and announced that it was time to start pushing.

Coriolanus was by your side as you pushed and pushed. With every push he noticed you were getting weaker and it worried him.

Looking between your weak, pale form, and the doctor that was sitting at the bottom of your bed, Coriolanus asked, “Dr. Wellock, my wife's growing weaker. Is there something you can do to get the baby out?”

“There's nothing to be worried about, President Snow. Labor’s a strenuous event; many first time mothers grow fatigue and can push for a while before the baby crowns.” The doctor told your husband, more or less blowing off his concern.

You were exhausted but determined to have your baby. Even tho you were feeling dizzy, you continued to bear down and push every time you were told to.

Then, when you felt that you didn't have any more strength coursing thru your body, you gave birth to your baby.

You saw Dr. Wellock hold up the baby and announce, “It's a girl.” Suddenly, your vision began to get fuzzy as you heard the doctor ask your husband, “President Snow, would you like to cut the cord?”

Coriolanus was about to answer whenever he saw you faint, paired with blood pooling around your legs and staining the bed.

“What's wrong with my wife?!” Coriolanus asked, fear filling him as the doctor quickly cut the baby's cord and tossed her to a waiting nurse. “Dr. Wellock, is my wife dying?!” Coriolanus asked in a panicked scream, while the nurse quickly cleaned the baby and wrapped her into a blanket.

“Your wife's hemorrhaging, President Snow.” Dr. Wellock told your husband, only to point to the nurse and tell her, “Give him the baby and get him out of here.”

So, the nurse dumped the baby in Coriolanus' arms and pushed him out of the door. Before the president could blink, the door was slammed shut I'm his face.

As Dr. Wellock and his nurse worked to staunch your bleeding; save your life, your husband stood outside of your room with your newborn baby girl in his arms.

Coriolanus looked down at the tiny baby wriggling and crying in his hold, only to look at the door of your room and realize that you're dying because of the thing in his arms.

Cersei’s what the two of you decided to name her, when she wasn't a danger. Wasn't the reason you're dying.

Coriolanus felt disgust and hatred for the newborn in his arms. He didn't want to hold her anymore. She was the reason why you're knear death right now.

So, your husband found a nurse to pawn the baby on.

Coriolanus swore to himself that he'd never touch that evil little creature ever again. That he'd never love her.

It didn't matter if you lived or died, he was going to hate your daughter until the day he died.

You didn't die in childbirth, but it was a close call. The doctor explained that you had bad hemorrhaging due to your uterus not contracting correctly after the birthing process, causing uncontrollable bleeding. You were given a blood transfusion, once Dr. Wellock managed to stop the bleeding, due to your blood pressure being too low after such a large blood loss.

You were out of it for days, but you survived.

You were happy to be alive and with your family. Coriolanus and Cersei.

But it didn't take long for you to notice that Coriolanus never picked up your daughter. He never held her, hell, Coryo never seemed too interested in her.

Unless it was for a photo op. Then he turned into the perfect hands on dad that would pose for pictures. But as soon as the cameras stop flashing, the president stops caring about his daughter.

You thought that Coriolanus would get over it; would come to accept your daughter in time. But…sadly…your daughter's first birthday is fastly approaching and your husband still doesn't seem interested in her, unless it's for a photo op.

It saddened you, knowing that Coriolanus was offish to Cersei because she wasn't the son he probably wanted to carry on the Snow name. You loved your daughter and you were sure that your Coryo loved her too, but was just disappointed that she wasn't the strong son he probably had his heart set on.

He did pick out a boy name right off the bat when you handed him your list of baby names last year.

Maybe if Coryo had a son to carry on the Snow name, he'd be happier in his role of fatherhood?

Coriolanus walked into the sunroom only to cringe when he saw you coddling Cersei. The damn little creature nearly murdered you during the birthing process, but you were holding her as she napped on you.

Goodness, there was a portable cradle in the room for a reason.

“She's nearly a year old, you shouldn't be letting her sleep on you like that.” Coriolanus told you, taking a seat at the small tea table. He never even tried to hide the disgust in his voice.

“There's nothing wrong with holding her, Coryo? She's my baby girl.” You responded, causing your husband to just shake his head while reaching for the teapot that was in the middle of the table.

“She's a toddler now, darling. She's not a baby anymore.” Coriolanus scoffed, pouring himself a cup of tea. “Do you want to have afternoon tea with me, or are you going to coddle Cersei all day?” He asked, grabbing a macaron and placing it onto the small plate that was in front of him.

“I'll have tea with you, Coryo.” You thinly smiled, only to rise from your spot on the sofa and place your daughter into her portable crib.

As you made your way over to the table, your husband fixed you a cup of tea and plated you macarons. When you sat down, you decided that now was the time to bring up the subject of having more children.

Little did you know, after your near death experience, Coriolanus got himself snipped. So…it was impossible for you to have any more children.

But he wasn't going to tell you that.

Reaching for your teacup, you told your husband,“Coryo, I think we should have another baby.”

“No.” Was Coriolanus’ quick and cold reply.

“But, we could have a son this time “ You pressed, knowing that your husband wanted a son. Wanted the Snow name to live on.

But you were wrong. Coriolanus didn't want a son to carry on the Snow name, he wanted you alive to be by his side. He loves you to the point of obsessive possession. The love Coriolanus has for you is all consuming, like a plague of locusts devouring an entire field of crops in District 11.

Coryo took a long sip of his tea, only to cut eyes with you over his teacup and firmly say, “I said no, Y/N.” placing his teacup down, he gave you the lame excuse of, “I'm a very busy man, my little dove. Being president takes much of my time away from my fatherly duties; we can only handle raising one child. More than one would be too much for us, considering you refuse a nanny.”

“I told you when I was pregnant with Cersei that I want to raise our kids. I don't want somebody else raising them, no matter how it might be easier considering your role in politics.”

“My role in politics?” Coriolanus chuckled, biting into his macaron. “I'm the President of Panem, that's more than just a role in politics.”

Sipping on your tea, you sighed, “Fine, Cersei’ll be an only child.”

Grabbing your hand in his, Coryo promised, “Our daughter will never want for anything. She'll be showered in a life of luxury.”

That wasn't true. Your daughter grew up wanting her father's love, but she never got it. Coriolanus was always so distant and cold with Cersei.

She hated him, but that was fine with your husband since he hated her right back.

You always thought that your husband resented your daughter for not being a son, for not being able to carrying on the might and noble Snow name.

But that wasn't the case at all.

Coriolanus Snow hated his daughter, Cersei, because you nearly died in childbirth with her. Nothing would every change that. He'd hate her til the day she died.

At least when your daughter died, it was bringing your beautiful granddaughter into the world.

A granddaughter Coryo named Celeste Snow, since your daughter was unwed at the time of her unexpected death.

Your husband was a better grandfather than he was a father. You thought that he might've felt guilty for being so distant and busy during Cersei’s childhood, that he decided to right his wrongs while you raised Celeste.

Little did you know, Coriolanus loved his granddaughter because she killed her mother in the birthing bed.

President Snow was a horrible, heartless man with a soul darker than a black hole. But at least he loved you and loved his granddaughter.

Too bad he hated his only child her entire life.

Tags: @kuroosbby001, @purriteen, @poppyflower-22 @meetmeatyourworst, @whipwhoops, @bxtchopolis, @readingthingsonhere,@savagenctzen, @ryswritingrecord, @erikasurfer, @tulips2715, @universal-s1ut, @thesmutconnoisseur @squidscottjeans, @sudek4l, @wearemadeofstardust0, @mashiromochi, @gracieroxzy @belcalis9503, @shari-berri, @aoi-targaryen, @whiteoakoak @spear-bearing-bi-witch, @gisellesprettylies @loverandqueenofdragons, @qoopeeya, @mfnqueen1, @permanentlyexhaustedpigeon88

[7ndipity]

“Miss You”

Jin x Reader

Summary: You and Jin had always been close, but following his enlistment, you realize that there might be much more between you than just friendship

Word Count: 4.0k(wtf?!)

Warnings: angst, pining, swearing, lil suggestive at the end, not proofread

A/N: A massive thank you to @coffeedepressionsoup for this request and for being so patient with me while I worked on it! This really got away from me, lol, but I really love how it turned out and hope you will too!

Masterlist

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"Why am I so fucking nervous?” You wondered to yourself as you sat waiting in your car, glancing around the parking lot of the restaurant in search of the familiar figure of your best friend. “This man has seen me at my worst, he’s not gonna care about my outfit."

But still your fingers found their way back to your sleeve, fidgeting with the fabric anxiously, finding it impossible to get it to sit to your satisfaction.

Dinners with Jin had once been such a common occurrence for the two of you that you would naturally show up at each others places without notice, oftentimes still in work or rehearsal clothes and messy hair.

You and Jin had been friends for years, meeting not long after you first moved to Seoul, and in essence, your relationship boiled down to that you irritated the shit out of each other, but that was why you loved each other. It wasn’t uncommon for you to greet each other with nicknames like “jackass” and “idiot”, or to treat each other to things like ice cream topped with fish sauce instead of chocolate syrup.

Some in your friend group found your dynamic a little peculiar to say the least, but they didn't question it much. The two of you were simply comfortable enough to be your true ridiculous selves together.

For all of your more childish behaviors though, you both knew you could count on the other for anything, whether that was being a shoulder to cry on when you got dumped by your first real boyfriend, or comforting him as he poured out his fears of keeping up with the demands of Idol life. You trusted each other with every version of yourselves, which was quite different from almost every other friendship you had.

Indeed, the only thing you had truly kept hidden from him was the not so small crush you had developed for him over the years.

It wasn’t exactly a shocking development; neither of you had particularly fulfilling dating lives, and you tended to spend most your nights off at each other's places because that just felt easier, more comfortable. You two had even joked together that you might as well date, but it of course never went beyond jokes.

Part of you wanted to be honest with him about your feelings, but it didn’t feel right to dump that kind of information on him when he was already dealing with so much.

What if he didn’t feel the same? Were you really willing to risk one of the most important friendships in your life on a maybe? And even if he did feel the same, which you very much doubted, what would you be able to do about it now that he was going away for over a year?

No, it was much better, much kinder, to just keep things the way they were, and to love and support him solely as a friend.

As the time for Jin to enlist drew closer, your hangouts had taken on a slightly more bittersweet tone, realizing more and more how much you were going to miss seeing each other.

Neither of you spoke about it though, playing it off with jokes about how grateful you’d be to have the other out your hair.

“At least once you’ve left, I’ll be able to watch good tv again.” You’d teased one evening after losing another round of rock, paper, scissors for what show to watch.

“Ha, as if! I bet you won’t make it two weeks before you’re back to watching my picks.” He’d retorted, flopping back against your couch. “Face it, you’re gonna be totally lost without me.”

You’d rolled your eyes, but a tiny voice in the back of your mind feared that he was right.  

But then, the time came for him to leave, and reality hit much harder than either of you had anticipated.

You had thought that perhaps the distance and time apart might help you get over your lingering feelings for your friend, but instead, his sudden absence had just left a painfully obvious hole in your life and left you feeling terribly alone. You hadn’t realized just how much space he took up in your day to day life until he was gone.

Everything felt off balance. Evenings at home, which had once been your favorite, were now dark and dull, dinners quiet and lonely. Your favorite cafes and shops were now far too loud and crowded on your own.

You could tell that he wasn’t dealing with the separation well either, though he tried to keep up his normal cheery disposition whenever you called. But each time, you noticed the way his smiles didn’t always reach his eyes, or that his laughs were just a little more forced.

You tried to keep in touch through text, sending each other your usual memes and updates, but as time went on, the frequency began to slowly lessen more and more.

It was better when you were able to see each other in person, able to pretend for those few hours that almost nothing had changed, but it seemed more and more like the universe was against you having even that. On the days that Jin managed to get leave, something always seemed to interfere with you seeing each other, whether it was work schedules, family emergencies, or random stomach flus. Last time, you’d only managed to meet up for a quick coffee before he had to leave again.

To your credit though, the two of you never forgot a single holiday or special occasion for the other, sending gifts and trying your hardest to meet around the time of your birthdays.

This was one of those such days, just a week or so past your birthday, that you were currently sat waiting for him to show up.

He had promised to treat you to a meal for your birthday, just like he did every year, so you had picked a place close to his base that you knew you both loved. It wasn’t anything fancy, just a little locally owned barbeque place, but it was where the two of you had met several times before, and it had come to feel like ‘your place’.

Finally, you spotted his familiar figure appear, leaning up against the side of the building as he glanced around for you, looking gorgeous as ever in the golden evening light.

Exiting your car, you half ran across the parking lot, tackling him in a tight bear hug.

“Oof! Hi, Bug.” He greeted you breathlessly, steading the two of you before returning your embrace.

“Wassup, dork.” You said, grinning up at him.

“Yah! I’m a military man now, you should speak to me with some respect.” He scolded you.

“Yeah, not gonna happen.” You snickered, earning an eye roll from him.

“Alright, menace,” He shoved you off playfully. “Let's go eat, I’m starving.”

The two of you fell back into your usual rhythm with each other, swapping stories about work, family, his new friends from the base, the new coffee place near your apartment that you hated, anything that crossed your minds. But throughout the evening, you couldn’t help but notice the strange shift in the air.

Maybe it was the fact that this was the most time that you’d spent together in ages, but the whole evening had a nervous energy to it, almost like a first date.

You caught yourself admiring little things about Jin that you had only fleetingly paid mind to before, if at all.

The way he gripped his chopsticks or spoke with his hands, bringing to mind the numerous times he’d gripped tight onto your hand to keep you from getting separated in busy crowds. You wondered if they felt the same, or had the past year of work made them rough?

“Y/n?”

You blinked, Jin eyeing you mild amusement.

“You okay? Or am I boring you already?” He asked with faux indignation. 

“No no, sorry.” You shook your head, trying to ignore the sudden heat in your face. Had you been staring at him the whole time? You desperately hoped not.

Then again, it wasn’t just you acting strangely either.

More than once through the evening, you could have sworn you caught Jin staring at your mouth as you’d spoke, fidgeting with the collar of his shirt, drawing your attention to his outfit, noting that he seemed to have dressed up a bit more than usual, just like you had. 

The perceived change in both your demeanors lead to several weighted silences, but there was also an nervous undercurrent of excitement to them, both of you fleetingly meeting the others eye, only to then be caught and left temporarily unable to look away. It was as if you were both waiting, daring the other to address it, but neither of you did.

Inevitably though, it grew too late to ignore, the restaurant around you now nearly empty, the sky outside long turned black.

As you exited the restaurant, a cloud of silence fell over the two of you again, this time though it was more mournful, sensing the impending goodbye, not knowing when you would get to see each other like this again. 

“You’re sure you’ll be okay getting home?” Jin asked softly. “It’s a bit of a drive.”

“Yes Mom, I’ll be fine.” You tried to tease, but the words came out without any real edge to them.

The two of you stared at each other for a long moment, Jin chewing his lip nervously, as if he wanted to say something more, but he didn’t.

Suddenly, he wordlessly pulled you into a tight hug, something he had done a thousand times before, but something in the way he held you this time made your heart ache, holding onto him a little tighter this time, savoring the warmth of him around you for just a little longer.

"I miss you." The words slipped out before you realized, so small and heavy with heartbreak, drifting away in the night air as you kept your face pressed against the material of his jacket, hoping that maybe he hadn’t heard you.

You felt him freeze for the smallest fraction of a second before his arms tightened around you, hugging you closer.

“Me too.” He breathed, barely audible.

You bit your lip, trying desperately to will away the sudden stinging wetness in your eyes.

After a long moment, you both became of aware of how you were holding onto each other, parting awkwardly as you cleared your throat, looking anywhere but him.

“G-goodnight, Jin.” You muttered hurriedly. 

“Night.” He replied, taking a small step back before giving an awkward half bow. “Stay safe and eat well, yeah?” His eyes were similarly misted over, matching your own.

“Mhm, you too.” You nodded quickly, looking away again.

Feeling your already wavering facade threatening to crack, you nodded and turned away, walking quickly to your car without looking back at him.

The next few months passed relatively quickly, but following that night there had been a palpable shift between the two of you.

Calls began to lessen. Then texts. You claimed work was just really hectic and you were just busy, but it wasn't the whole truth. 

The truth was you were terrified.

Memories of that evening plagued you constantly, as did your accidental confession.

It was just three words, a simple and perfectly innocent statement given the context of your situation, but they had held more meaning than you intended them to, and you could tell that Jin had picked up on their meaning as well, based on his recent, equally awkward behavior. 

Staring down at your phone, you cursed yourself silently, seeing no new messages from him yet again. If the earlier distance between you had been painful to cope with, the new silence was agony.

Why had you said anything at all?! You were sure you must have freaked him out. 

You considered just being completely honest with him and telling him how you felt, more than once you had written out several long-winded texts in an attempt to explain everything, but each time you’d lost your nerve and deleted it.

At a loss, you did the only thing you could think of, which was nothing.

You stepped back, giving him whatever space he wanted or needed, letting him choose how things would move forward between the two of you.

If he wanted to move on and act like nothing had happened, you’d go right along with him. And if he wanted to talk about it… then you’d face that and accept whatever he had to say.

That decision however, had resulted in Jin overthinking things as well.

He had also been replaying that last dinner with you, his mind drifting back to how pretty you had looked, the nervous flush that had crept over your cheeks as you’d talked, the shape of your lips, how tempting it had been to lean in and-

He shook his head, glancing around quickly as he tried to clear his mind, hoping no one had noticed his lack of focus.

“I miss you…” Those three little words had echoed in Jin’s head for days. They were simple enough, but it was something that neither of you had said in the nearly year and half that he’d been gone. Your quiet confession had caused all the feelings that he had been trying to stifle for ages to rise back to the forefront.

Over the course of your friendship, he’d become increasingly infatuated with you, but he’d always pushed those feelings to the side, fearing that you wouldn’t feel the same, or even if you did, that the complications of dating as an Idol would be too much and drive you apart. 

He had thought he was doing the right thing by keeping his feelings to himself, but your words had made him reconsider.

Unsure how to proceed, he had pulled back slightly as he mentally battled with himself.

But then you had started to pull away as well.

Your shorter messages, the sudden lack of interaction, it all made his stomach sink lower and lower with every passing day. 

He shook his head again.

No. He couldn’t take this.

He decided one of the first things he would do following his discharge was tell you the truth about how he felt, and whatever your response was, he would accept. If you rejected him, he would go back to being just your friend and pretend nothing had happened.

And if you reciprocated his feelings-? He wouldn’t let himself think about that, not yet.

Above all else, you were one of his best friends, and he was not prepared to lose you.

Finally, after what felt like the longest and shortest year and half of his life, Jin received his discharge.

The first few days after coming home were a frenzied blur for Jin.

Between meeting up with family and friends, photoshoots, hosting a fanmeet for Army, and various other schedules, he was absolutely exhausted.

In a way, it was wonderful to be getting back into his chaotic, but familiar routine, but the sudden shift back into ‘civilian life’, if one could call it that, was taking its toll on him all the same.

Everything was so loud and happening so fast, all he really wanted was just to find somewhere quiet to lay low for a few days and do nothing.

Wait no, that wasn't quite true.

He wanted to see you.

Since he’d gotten back, you had sent a few texts, welcoming him home and the like, but he’d yet to get to actually see you, a fact that was beginning to make him increasingly uneasy.

He needed to see you, needed to hear your voice, to tell all the thoughts and feelings that he had realized over the past few months. He could almost feel them, pressing in against his ribcage, squeezing the air from his lungs. He didn’t think he would be able to breathe properly again until he told you how he truly felt.

Luckily, he knew he would have a chance tonight at the party his friends were throwing for him.

It wasn’t anything elaborate, just a get together with some of his friends, with food and drinks, as a way to welcome him home.

Despite the fatigue of the past few weeks, Jin was looking forward to it, if only for the chance to see you again.

But as he scanned around the crowded room, he failed to spot your face.

“Something wrong, Hyung?” One of his friends asked, noting his deflated expression.

“Have you seen Y/n?” He asked, still looking around hopefully. “I thought they’d be here.” 

“Maybe they’re just running late or something?” He offered.

Jin nodded distractedly, ducking off to the side and fishing his phone out of his pocket.

He called your number, but was sent directly to your voicemail. He hung up and tried again, with the same result.

“Everything okay? I really wanted to see you tonight…” He typed out quickly, pressing send as someone else’s conversation caught his attention.

"Y/n? Didn’t they say they had a date tonight or something?"

His head whipped around at their words.

"What date?" He asked, slightly more sharply than he intended.

"I dunno, some blind date that Y/n said their work friend set up.” They shrugged.

“Oh.” Jin felt all the energy in his body slip away, like water down the drain.

Everyone's voices faded into static as Jin stood there motionless, feeling as if the ground below him was slowly swallowing him up.

He was too late. 

In all the months of imagining and planning and hoping, he hadn’t accounted for the fact that he might not be given an opportunity to confess, that you would move on before he had a chance. Because why wouldn’t you? He hadn’t given you any reason not to, if anything quite the opposite. He’d stupidly shied away from you in an attempt to spare himself the awkwardness of having to explain himself to you before he was ready, and now it was too late. He’d fucked up… 

In reality, however, you were not on any such date. You had actually spent the evening curled into a sniffly ball in bed, completely unaware of Jin’s numerous attempts to call you as you faded in and out of a cold meds-induced sleep.

It was true that your friend had tried to set you up with one of their guy friends, and while they had sounded very nice, you had politely declined, telling her you appreciated the offer, but you weren’t looking to date anyone at the moment.

You didn’t mention that it was mainly because you were still hung up on your best friend, but no one needed to know that, including the best friend in question.

You’d had every intention of going to his welcome home party, and to hopefully clear up the awkwardness between the two of you, but fate had decided to screw you over once more by having you come down with a cold that day, leaving you an achy, feverish mess in bed.

When you woke up the next morning, or early afternoon to be more precise, your head still slightly wobbly as you checked your phone, you felt your stomach drop as you scrolled through the multiple missed calls and messages from Jin.

You quickly called him back, praying that he wasn’t too upset with you for ignoring his calls, as well as missing his party.

It rang several times, making you worry that he wouldn’t pick up, until you finally heard his voice.

“Hello?” He answered, his tone flat and detached.

“Jin, I’m so sorry, I didn’t see your messages til this morning-” You tried to explain.

“It’s fine.” He stopped you, but you thought you heard a faint sniffle from his end of the line.

“Are you okay?” You asked worriedly.

“M’fine.” He answered flatly, but you thought you recognized that sour tone.

“Are you sure? You sound a little stuffy, you’re not sick too, are you-?” You tried.

“I said I’m fine, Y/n.” He cut you off. “Look, uh, now’s not really a great time to talk, I’ll call you back later, okay?”

“Okay.” You said quietly, heart sinking as the line went dead.

He’d said that he was fine, but his short tone with you had said otherwise. You’d known him long enough to know he was either sick or sulking, and neither of those options sat well with you at the moment.

Before you had fully thought out what you were going to say to him, you were standing outside his door.

He was equally slow in answering the door as he had been on the phone, cracking the door open slowly.

"I was the one who was sick, why do you look like you’ve been through the plague?" You asked wryly, trying to get him to crack a smile, but no such thing happened.

“What are you doing here?” He asked in the same monotone from earlier.

“I came to see if you were okay-”

"I’m fine." He said flatly. 

Oh, he was definitely sulking. It was gonna take a bit more work than you’d initially thought to get him to talk to you then.

"Alright then, what if we-.” You started.

"How was your date?" He asked suddenly, catching you off guard.

"What date?" You asked in confusion.

"The one your friend from work set up.” He said, the distaste clear in his voice.

"Who told you about that?".

"What does it matter? How was it?" He said sharply.

You blinked, staring up at him.

Was that why he was upset about? Not that you missed the party or his calls, but because he thought you’d done so in favor of a date?

"I wouldn’t know, I told them no." You admitted, shrugging indifferently.

He straightened slightly, looking up at you in surprise. "What? Why?"

You hesitated.

You could just say because you weren’t interested, or you could just tell him the whole truth, right here and now. If he rejected you, at least then you would know and you could both move on, rather than slowly ruining your friendship the way you had the past few weeks.

Your hesitation made him suddenly anxious, seeing the conflict in your eyes, afraid to get his hopes up.

"Why didn't you go, Y/n?" He asked again, his voice suddenly low and soft.

It was the same voice that had brought you comfort more times than you could count, the voice that had accompanied numerous midnight conversations. That safe, familiar tone that felt like home.

You realized it was now or never. 

You met his gaze. “They weren’t you.”

His eyes went wide, and for a split second you feared you had made the choice.

But then he was crushing you to his chest, holding you tightly and yet so achingly gently, as if you might shatter in his hands as he pressed his lips to yours.

“I thought I was too late.” He breathed, drawing back just enough to gaze at you.

You shook your head. “I wanted you.”

“Thank fuck-” He closed the gap between you again, kissing you much more firmly this time.

Everything else seemed to fade away, all you could, hear, smell, and feel was Jin. The lingering scent of his cologne, the faint roughness on his hands as they drifted up to cup your cheek.

You hooked your arms around his neck, pulling him and pressing him closer to you.

His hands drifted lower, caressing your waist as his tongue glossed over your lower lip, making you let out a soft whine.

“Is this okay?” He rasped.

“God, yes.” You nodded quickly.

“Jin’s just fine, you don’t have to give me any special names.” He smirked at you.

You shoved him away weakly. “You’re the worst.”

He just laughed, pulling you to connect your lips again.

The sound of voices in the distance suddenly reminded you both that you were still stood on his doorstep.

“Do you wanna take this inside?” He asked “Or am I still the worst?”

“Inside.” You said quickly, giving him another shove, this time propelling you both inside and slamming the door behind you.

@sopebubbles-replies @btsw1fe @this-must-be-my-tardis @whitefoxgirl @bethanysnow @coffeedepressionsoup @main-bangtansmauyeondan @feminympho @classicalelephant @dfqcsqueen @mother2monsters @comingupwithacoolnameishard @universal-travel-er @bo0ghol @seleneacyoflove

[villainsandvictimsalliance]

So many lonely people on Kaiju No. 8 had found companionship with Kafka.

He's the personification of support. A senpai, a role model, a hero, a friend, a cadet, a reliable worker, even a crush. He's someone you can trust and someone that wants to be there for you. Even the comedy relief guy or the saviour of the day!!

In the latest manga chapters he was a plushie for a little girl.

There's Reno who lost his entire family. Kafka took the role of the senpai with him: guide and teach the guy, talk with him, show him how to survive and inspire him. Reno met a genuinely good guy that was openly offering his help and friendship, so he went back to thank him and do the same. Hey, your dream is not over, Reno said. What did he get in return? Kafka sacrificing his life for him, telling him to run, giving up the most important thing in his life for Reno.

There's Mina, who is terrified of being alone. She found a personal clown in Kafka, yes, but he was also the boy who helped her keep her hope and made things easier. He would always go with her to the shelter during a kaiju attack, even if he was in another school. He told her she didn't have to kill kaijus all alone. He promised to be by her side. Mina was thrown into a world of giant burdens and expectations, where her failures could mean death and destruction. Kafka saw her not as the weapon she was, but as Mina.

Hoshina was constantly disrespected, overlooked and ignored. He gave Kafka a chance because he reminded Hoshina of himself. For his troubles, Hoshina got a guy that would work hard to reach his expectations, that would rival him, that would call him first thing and spend all that time worried and would apologize before turning into a kaiju to save their lives. Kafka became a friend of sorts to Hoshina through hard work and respect.

Kikoru was used to all types of reactions from the people around her, but not to the level of worry and pride and trust Kafka gave her. It was not for show, he was completely open and sincere in his feelings. Kikoru you're an asshole, Kikoru you're amazing, Kikoru pleaseeee take care of yourself, Kikoru I won't disappoint you, Kikoru you have my permission and gratitude if you kill me if I ever lose control, Kikoru I trust you to finish this battle.

The first thing Kafka did during the second part of the recruitment was support Aoi and Haruichi during their subjugation of a kaiju.

He saved Minase's life by partially turning and risking his life for it. He saved Iharu and Reno that day against No. 9.

Narumi told Kafka that only they knew the weight of the burden they carried for being there the day Isao Shinomiya was killed. Freaking Narumi, who wouldn't share that burden with anyone else.

Like it was noted by his boss while he was still part of the Cleaning Corps, Kafka would do his job after complaining, but he'd do it perfectly and do it again if asked to.

He's reliable. I know I said it before, but he is.

In a world where anyone can die any minute, in the Kaiju Country, Kafka is a presence you don't want to vanish. It's what Mina says: everything is easier with him around, anything is possible.

When in the first chapters Kafka tells the little girl to not be afraid because he'll go and everything will be okay— the girl thanks him. In the anime, the little girl even asks Mina to please not hurt the good kaiju. Once people have met him, they don't want him to go. They'd do anything for him not to go, not to die. When Kikoru saw him losing control and remembered her promise, she decided that she'd rather believe in him 'til the end. When Isao was about to disappear, he thought about Kafka and said he'd leave things up to him too.

Isn't that what it means to be a hero? To be able to say "leave it up to me" but also trust others to help you when you need it? Inspire people to support you because you supported them first?

The only thing scarier than the kaijus is to be left alone in the world— and Kafka fights that.

[guppybibi]

karasuno first-years with idol!reader for @twiishaa !!

✧┊ft. Shoyo, Kageyama, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi

❁ཻུ۪۪♡

❥ Hinata shoyo

Even way before dating you, he already had somewhat of an idea of what idols were, some terms and all of that. Mainly because Natsu kept playing and dancing along to the beat of random pop idol groups during her free time, who could blame her?

He didn't get all of the hype around them though, like c’mon–watching sports is just so much cooler!

Bros mindset literally changed when he was scrolling through his feed and saw your fancam, was literally shook.

If you told the past him that he was dating you, he'd just start flying away like a stray plastic bag.

Tries to be present to each and everyone of your concerts, if he isn't, he’s probably in an important match. He’d never miss the chance to see you sing your heart out for no absolute reason, that was absurd!

When he does attend your concerts, you can bet a horse that he’ll be the loudest person there. Someone brought a megaphone? He's louder than it, what, like he’ll let a mere megaphone beat him?

Fully dressed for the occasion, light sticks are in the air as he waved them. He feels so proud of you right now! (He isn't really happy about all the fanboys though..)

❥ Tobio Kageyama

Never really understood or got the hype about it, his sister stanned all sorts of groups. He first saw you on one of her posters, still all new to this ‘idol’ thing. He never really thought anything about it, you just caught his eye. Simple as that, you were basically a celebrity. It's not like he was..going to meet you or anything right?

But fate had to do something about it and let you two meet! Sometimes, he’s still in shock to be honest. He often forgets his girlfriend is a well known idol, so when the two of you get chased down on your supposed date you two are like..”Why are they chasing us?!” “I’m not wearing my sunglasses and hat!” “What?! Are you like a wanted criminal or something?” You hit the back of his head lightly for being such a dumbass.

Because of this happening too often, you two often just have indoor dates like movie nights or cuddle seshs! Your relationship is pretty lowkey and private too, you may be an idol but everyone has their own lives.

Tobio may not cheer as loudly and boldly compared to the other people at your concert, but your heart knows that he's your #1 supporter.

❥ Yamaguchi Tadashi

Secretly is the biggest fan of your group, only Tsukki knew about it and it should stay that way. He didn't want to risk getting bullied yet again..

But if you told him that he'd end up dating you, his literal bias, he’d combust on the spot.

He probably doesn't remember how it even happened, just internally so happy about it. Like he's basically your biggest fan!

Literally attends every single concert you have, doesn't care if he's busy or whatnot. It's basically a win-win situation for the both of you so why skip on it?

May not cheer as loudly compared to the other people there but that didn't matter, you knew he was admiring you. Too stunned to speak as he watches you perform.

The only thing he's bothered about is the paparazzi..yeah, that was self explanatory. No one likes the paparazzi, not when they keep disturbing your daily life.

❥ Tsukishima Kei

Doesn't care about these idol pop groups or whatever, he knows you exist but then again, you're just a regular girl who happens to perform for other people.

Little did he know he’d end up with you, an idol from a pretty famous group. If you told him that he'll just scoff and walk away without a care in the world.

Doesn't admit that he goes to every single one of your concerts, but you do know he's ‘secretly’ hiding in one of the crowds. Watching you intently to make sure you're safe and enjoying yourself.

Like everyone else, DESPISES the paparazzi. Got so pissed one time because they disturbed his ‘romantic’ date with you that he flipped them off, which left you cackling as you tried to find a place more private.

[exhaslo]

Hellooo!! I was wondering if you could do a part 2 to the Sugardaddy!Miguel story? 🫶🏻🤍

Sure thing!!!!!

Part 1

Warning: MINORS DNI, some smut, language, Sugar Daddy/Daddy kink? What would that go under??

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been a year since you and Miguel made that deal at the strip club.

Miguel was going to be your Sugar Daddy in exchange for a few dates.

It lasted two months before you asked him to further your relationship with him. Miguel was young, hot, kind, charming and just perfect.

The two of you were in a happy relationship. Miguel still spoiled you as if he was still your Sugar Daddy. You didn't complain as much because you had told Miguel it was all going to be used for your education.

Miguel was fine with it, but he loved to take your shopping. Buying you everything you looked at, everything you wanted, it felt too much sometimes.

Luck was truly on your side to have taken such a risk that night. Not only had you paid off all your bills, but you were finally going back to school. Miguel was so understanding and supportive of you that you couldn't help but fall more in love with him.

Miguel was amazing at everything. Once the two of you became an official couple, he was more honest with you.

The man was the son of the CEO of Alchemax.

The man was SPIDER-MAN!

The later secret was told just recently. You had found Miguel injured and grew extremely worried as you helped heal his wounds. It made sense why he was so rich, so strong and so goddamn good in bed. The stamina he had was inhumane.

Honestly, you were surprised how Miguel hasn't put a baby in you yet. There had been times where Miguel would fuck you so good that you couldn't move for the next few days.

Speaking of numb...

"Migueeeeel, I have an exam today. I told you," You said with a soft whine, laying flat on the bed.

"Aye, sorry mi amor (my love). I did restrain myself just a bit," Miguel said with a hum as he kissed your head, "I can swing you over to the building."

"But then I have to walk inside," You said with a pout, "I don't wanna be charged the missed fee."

"If that's what you're worried about..."

You squealed as Miguel flipped you over and pinned you against the bed. His smirk growing wider,

"I can handle as many missed fees as we need."

"But Daddy~" You giggled, causing Miguel to kiss you.

If there was one thing about having Miguel as a young Sugar Daddy that was good...was that Miguel LOVED being called 'Daddy'. It was a kink that you got used too as well.

"Ah~ D-Daddy! R-Right there~" You moaned, arching your back as Miguel held your hips.

"Does my good girl like that?" Miguel hummed as he thrusted into you again, "You want Daddy to take care of everything?"

"Y-Yesh! Yes! I-I'm a good girl!" You cried out, feeling your orgasm approach.

"Don't worry, I'll take....nh...good care of you." Miguel groaned as you tighten against his cock, "You want Daddy's milk that bad?"

You gripped against the bed sheets, begging for Miguel to unload inside of you. You gasped and moaned as Miguel gave you exactly what you wanted.

"Such a good girl," Miguel grunted as he kissed your neck, "My good girl,"

"Hah...hah...Miguel, I know...you're rich, but I can't keep...mhm...abusing you like this." You muttered. Miguel raised a brow as he picked you up from the bed,

"(Y/N), You know well that I don't mind. I have too much money to know what to do with. I will gladly always spend every penny on you."

"Hehe, a true sugar daddy."

"You're daddy." Miguel said with a chuckle as he carried you to the bathroom, "You've worked too hard your whole life to allow me to let you continue. I want to make sure you are always comfortable."

"You're always working hard too, Miguel. You have to live comfortably too."

You closed your eyes as Miguel gave you a deep kiss. He turned the water on and laid in the large bath with you. His arms firmly around your waist as the two of you laid in the tub. Your hands stroking his scars on his arms.

"Why don't we go on vacation? To celebrate me graduating soon. You could use the week off."

"Hm?" Miguel nuzzled his head against the crook of your neck, "How about three weeks? Any country of your choosing."

"Oh, you spoil me, Daddy."

"Anything for my good girl,"

It was a good thing Miguel was paying that fee for missing your exam...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hope you liked it~

[howtofightwrite]

Hello again!

Listen this is gonna come across as super weird, but what can cause a leg injury to be so bad that doctors have to resort to amputation? Originally, I was gonna go with a gunshot, but I read that it typically wouldn’t escalate to that degree.

The reason I’m asking this is because I want to make the villain of my story hateable and take something away from my main character: her pride in her ability to physically fight. Of course, she continues to fight with a prosthetic leg because screw him, but also faces some struggles with adjusting.

Usually, infection. In a survival situation, it's possible the leg has become gangrenous, at which point taking it off is the only reasonable route. The answer does depend on the overall level of technology, and how little the practicing surgeon cares. I know of a case where an army surgeon was ready to amputate a leg over a spiral fracture. There's also plenty of medical malpractice cases where an amputation is performed on the wrong limb (or wrong patient.) They're not exceptionally common, but they do happen, and when you've got overworked, disengaged, hospital staff, the risks go up.

Maybe it's personal bias, but I think there's something more sadistic about losing a leg to an injury that really didn't warrant it.

In fairness, it's also possible (if your villain is armed or able to exploit the environment) to mangle the leg beyond use in combat. Such as running an axe through the knee joint performing the amputation on the spot, crushing the leg under a car, or some similarly, unreasonably heavy object. There's a lot of industrial equipment that could pretty quickly take a leg off, if you're not careful. At that point, there's a legitimate question about where this fight is happening.

At the other end of the spectrum, your villain doesn't really need to get the leg amputated to take away their ability to fight. Destroying the tendons holding one of their knees together would go a long way towards doing that without actually taking the knee itself.

-Starke

This blog is supported through Patreon. Patrons get access to new posts three days early, and direct access to us through Discord. If you’re already a Patron, thank you. If you’d like to support us, please consider becoming a Patron.

[1toreyouapart]

What It Cost

****THIS IS A FICTIONAL STORY BASED ON REAL PEOPLE. 18+ ONLY. I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO THE PEOPLE OR MUSIC MENTIONED IN THIS STORY OUTSIDE OF LILITH AND SADIE AND MAYBE A COUPLE OTHERS. DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE NOT UP FOR FANFIC INVOLVING REAL PEOPLE***

Terrible summary: Five years since she last spoke to him. Since she last saw him. Now his face and his voice is everywhere. She can't escape him.

Five years ago Noah destroyed her and the life they had built. Now he’s back and seeking to make amends. As much as she wants to say that it's too little too late, is it?

CW/TW: Angst, mention of addiction, cheating. Mention of character death. Language. Smut (later on). PinV, unprotected PinV (wrap it before you tap it, friends), oral (f&m receiving). All smutty warnings happen later on, so I’ll update TW/CW warning labels as those parts are written and posted. If I forget anything, please let me know so I can fix it! Thank you!

A/N: Currently unedited. Sorry. 😬 Read at your own risk, I guess. 😅 Also no word count because I’m lame.

Part 1 - Lilith

Lilith sighed, closing out of TikTok. Every other video was some video about him. Concert footage, old stream footage from five years ago. His music. She couldn't escape him, no matter how hard she tried. Though it stung, she couldn't help but feel a little bit proud of him. Years of constant work had paid off. Noah had made it. The band had made it and was now one of, if not the, biggest band in the scene right now.

But, God, it still hurt. For four years it had been him and her against the world. Her sitting there night after night, day after day, encouraging him and supporting him. Pushing him to keep going when he just wanted to give up. The first three years had been hard, and sure they'd argued, but it had been good. Great, even. It wasn't until their second album came out that everything started to fall apart.

Suddenly it was like he was finding reasons to fight with her. He would stay out later and later. Drank more and more. And no matter what she did, it just seemed to push him further and further away. That last year had been a nightmare. All culminating in the night that he didn't come home until 6am.

The night that when he finally came home, he couldn't look at her. God, she could still smell the perfume that clung to him as he pushed past her, headed upstairs for the shower. Sure, she could have followed him and confronted him, but what good would that have done? They'd have just fought some more and she was so tired of fighting. Instead she'd packed her things and left while he washed off the smell of another woman. Like a coward.

Part of her hated herself for leaving quietly like that. But she just didn't have it in her anymore. One call to Jolly on her way to her best friends had confirmed her suspicions, anyway. Jolly, though reluctant, had confirmed he'd left with another woman that night. In spite of everyone trying to stop him. Noah hadn't cared.

"Earth to Lilly!" Sadie shouted, snapping her fingers in front of her face.

"Hmm?"

"You good? You've been zoned out for like 10 minutes."

Lilly sighed. Was she good? Yes, but no. Having him plastered everywhere was wreaking havoc on all the healing she'd thought she had done.

"Yeah. Just can't escape his fucking face anywhere these days."

"Ew. He doesn't deserve this success. Not after what he did."

"Sadie," she groaned. "You were like siblings at one point. You know how hard he worked for this. Don't be like that."

"Bitch, you should be more like that. After what he did? Moving you out here with him? Just to cheat like the gutless bitch he is?" Sadie huffed, leaning back in her seat. "You haven't even been able to go on a successful date in five years!"

Lilith squeezed her eyes shut, rubbing her temples. Sure, Sadie was right. And she should probably work through why that was, but that was too daunting of a task. She already knew it was because she was constantly afraid she wasn't enough. That there was something just fundamentally wrong with her. Logically she knew that wasn't the case. That it was him and only him that made him do that. But God, it still sucked thinking about it.

"Sadie..."

"I'll stop. I'm sorry. It just pisses me off. Jolly's still mad at him, you know."

"I know." She chuckled. "He reminds me every time he's here. And Matt. And Nicholas."

Her and Noah may have broken up, but the boys had never stopped treating her like she was family. They still came over regularly. Still had family dinners. It was because of that Jolly and Sadie finally got together. Part of her wondered if Noah knew all of this. An even bigger part of her hoped he didn't. Not out of anger or spite. For her own sanity. As much as she hated to admit it, she missed him. Far more than she should. And knowing that if he knew they all still spent time with her and he didn't once in five years try to reach out and at least apologize? That could very well break her.

Her phone pinged, alerting her to a text. And so life went on. Lilith checked the notification, smiling at Jolly's name appearing. Her smile quickly fell, however, when she read the message.

"Anniversary dinner in Danny's honor coming up on the 26th. Mason really wants you there. We all want you there. You loved him, too."

Fuck. She'd missed last year's. Made some excuse so she didn't have to see Noah. Him and Danny had been close. Of course he would be there. Fuck.

"I've been requested at an anniversary dinner for Danny."

"Noah will be there."

"I know." Lilith groaned. "I can't keep avoiding him forever."

"Good chance for him to grow a pair and apologize."

Lilith laughed, though it was hollow. Noah admit to mistakes he made? Fat chance in hell. He was more likely to spend the evening avoiding her just as much as she would avoid him.

"There's about as much of a chance of that happening as there is of me going without my morning chai." Her phone pinged again.

"Yes, Noah will be there. No, you don't have to talk to him."

It was like Jolly had read her mind. A genuine laugh escaped her, her chest feeling light again. Jolly knew her a little too well sometimes. With a grin she responded, pushing the thought of being around Noah out of her mind.

"See you there."

She could do this. She could be around Noah. It wouldn't be that big of a deal. After all, they ran in the same circles. It was a miracle she'd even avoided him for this long. Everything would go smoothly and be totally fine. It was just a dinner. What's the worst that could happen?

Tags: @fadingintothegrey