#because why did he once come to MY HOUSE and have me drinking wine out of yeti stainless steel wine glasses he brought with him?

[lightgaswaterelectricityrent]

It's too bad that in general it's frowned upon to write a book that's just a detailed psychoanalysis of one of your close friends because I have some thoughts about his relationship with brands that I would really like to share with someone

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

Chapter 18: First Impressions Are Often Correct

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy.  This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter eighteen of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)

Word Count: 11.6K

Warnings: I'm going to rate this one 18+ just to be on the safe side. :) References to sex, Cursing, Angst, Mentions of Death, Blood, Gore, Possessive Soldier Boy, Protective Soldier Boy, Soft Soldier Boy, Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, completely a little OOC. Soldier Boy is really all you need as a warning.

Note: This is told from the Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. Reader is described as "curvy" occasionally. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

A/N: I'm so sorry, I know this has been a long time coming. I work hard, but writer's block works harder tbh.

It had to be herogasm. You think to yourself with an audible groan looking up at the mid-century house from your position in the tree-line while watching the couples on the back porch writhe against one another.

The three hour drive from your apartment to Vermont had been uneventful and quiet. Every once in a while Ben would whisper something to you and you would half answer, but only because your mind was somewhere else or rather on someone else.

It was on Rosemary. She had stopped trying to text you or call you, and the silence was worse. You had no idea what she was going to do or what she was thinking. It was a miracle that she hadn’t shown up to your apartment and kicked down the front door before you left. You knew she was angry about the whole situation. And the sooner you dealt with the twins the sooner you could go see her.

Of course you still had no idea how you were going to bring up the conversation with Ben and you knew that there was no way he would let you just leave with no explanation to go talk to her.

This is why I hate texting. I should have just gone to see her, I shouldn’t have told her that Ben was back in a text, if anything that's a three drink minimum. Hell, she's probably half way through a second bottle of wine by now. Something that you also had considered several times today. Guess sobriety is going out the window. Shocker.

Ben kept asking you what was wrong, sensing your discomfort on the drive and held your hand tightly between the two of you, but you only shook your head whenever he asked. He thought that you were having second thoughts of going after the twins, but that was the one thing you were sure of. They deserved to pay for what they did, all of your team did. Anger rises beneath your skin like a roaring crowd when you think of all the years Ben spent alone in Russia being tortured and experimented on. Years that you could have stopped if only you'd known, years that he could never get back, memories that wouldn't fade in the next decade or two, and memories that you hoped you could replace by making him feel loved, by holding him close, and allowing yourself to forget the memories that still plagued you when you thought about the past.

But you still didn't know how the hell you were going to tell him about Rosemary. Every moment it felt like the words were going to vomit out of your mouth, but you clamped your jaw shut. You didn’t want to talk about Rosemary in front of Butcher and Hughie, didn’t want to tell Ben like that. What you needed to say about Rosemary and Lou didn’t deserve to be shouted at him or said in haste, you wanted to sit Ben down and tell him, give him time to adjust to the idea. Because you had no idea how he was going to react to the news that he was a dad and a grandfather.

Would he pull away again? Would he run? Would he leave me? Those thoughts kept swirling around your mind like a mixtape. You were scared that by telling him about her would make him go cold like he did the moment you told him you loved him. You remembered the distant look that replaced his smile as soon as you had uttered those three little words.

Little but not simple. Three little words that launched ships and started a hundred wars. Three little words with the power to create and the power to destroy. Three words that Ben had said to you more times than you could count since he came back to you, and three words you wished you never stopped hearing him say, the three words you always wanted him to say to you.

If Ben pushed you away now, you knew that you wouldn't survive it this time, knew that there was no going back. Which made you more fearful about Rosemary's reaction to Ben coming back into your life.

You were afraid that Rosemary would give you an ultimatum and make you choose between her and Lou or Ben. You really hoped that it didn’t come to that. You had just gotten Ben back and you didn’t want to have to pick between him and your family.

Because Ben is family too. You knew that deep down in your bones, even after everything that happened, Ben was your family. He was the only person who knew you inside and out, the only man you’d ever loved and the only person who understood you. You couldn’t turn your back on him and you didn’t want to shut him out. Not when you loved him more than life itself.

Your frown deepens as you continue to watch the people on the back porch while your supe hearing picks up the moans and sounds of the couples inside and the subtle thump of music, new pop songs that you didn't understand and didn't try. You were up with the times, but it didn't mean you had to like what was happening or the new music being produced no matter how hard Rosemary tried to get you to listen to it.

You sigh again, trying to drown out the sounds by focusing on the wind moving through the trees and the birds flitting through the branches overhead, but it wasn’t working. The beautiful day was already ruined by the loud and messy sounds from the inside of the house. 

“Always wanted to bring you to one of these Sweetheart.” Ben glances over at you with a cheeky grin, lowering the binoculars from his eyes, but then he notes your frown. “Then again-“ His hand comes around your waist to pull you into him. “That means I would have had to share you with someone else, and I’d much rather have you all to myself.”

 You can feel his smirk against your ear, but it does little ease your anxiety about Rosemary and the looming conversation you were going to have with Ben when this was over.

Hughie had disappeared a few moments ago to scout out the inside and to find the twins, while Butcher was doing a walk of the perimeter, leaving you and Ben to wait for the all clear. A welcome break, because every few minutes Hughie would play with a Geiger counter and the high pitched creak-like squeak was giving you a headache. Not to mention annoying you. You'd only been able to have a few sips of your coffee this morning after Butcher and Hughie burst into you apartment, but at least your anxiety was picking up the slack.

Because of course it was.

The house in front of you looked innocent enough on the outside, big windows light wood,  but now that you were here, you really didn’t want to go inside. Despite wanting to face the twins, you didn’t want to go inside and be reminded of the one reason why you stayed away from Herogasm.

At least today we aren’t attending it as much as crashing it.

“Why do you think I hated going to Herogasm?” You murmur, frown deepening at you continue to stare at the house.  The memories of the past had an ugly way of crashing down on you and despite not wanting to make Ben feel guilty, keeping them to yourself made you feel worse. Plus you figured he knew when you were lying, because Ben was basically a human lie detector when it came to you.

Ben sighs, his warm breath washing over the side of your face as his arm tightens around your waist to secure you to him. “Sweetheart please look at me.” His voice is comforting, filled with emotion, but you still don't look at him.

“What?” You whisper, mind still a million miles away.

His fingertips come under your chin to turn your face to his. Ben’s green eyes lock with yours, soft and apologetic, familiar in the best way and weird given the fact that he was wearing his uniform. You’d never seen him look so sorry when he was dressed up as Soldier Boy.

“I would have killed any man who tried to touch you, especially after the night we shared together. When Vogelbaum danced with you I wanted to rip his arms off.”  His eyes darken.

You remembered the way he watched Vogelbaum and you dance together at the premiere with the cameras flashing in your eyes, but then the image of Countess plastered to his hip arises. The way she ran her hands up his chest, the way he turned his gaze away from you to stare at her.

“Yes, but see I never killed any woman that touched you-“

Double standard much?

“Well-“

“Countess doesn’t count.” You snap.

Ben’s thumb strokes along your jaw, before his expression softens again. “I’m sorry.”

“You’ve apologized-“ You sigh, suddenly guilty. You hadn't meant to snap at him like that, you were on edge because of Rosemary, not because of what Ben did in the past. You were already starting to forgive him for what he did.

“Not for this.” He takes in a deep breath before he pulls you closer to him. “I’m sorry that I made you think I didn’t want you. Because I do. I don't want anyone else, haven't ever wanted anyone else like I want you. I was so stupid. I fucked those other women because I couldn’t handle how I felt about you and I didn’t think that you would ever want me even a fraction of how much I want you-“

“More.” You whisper before you can stop yourself, laying your hand against the front of his suit.

“That is impossible.” Ben smiles faintly.

You toy with the material, plucking it between your fingers. “It’s okay. I understand why you did it. But it was hard to watch you with them.” You try to fight the image of him and Countess again, that is quickly followed by the memories of the many women over the years you’d see Ben with in public and of course the memory of the first and only Herogasm you ever went to, the one you left early because you couldn’t bear to see Ben with anyone else. The same one that you swore you saw Ben watching you just as closely when Noir tried to reach out for you and you walked away.

It’s different now. You think to yourself. Ben said that he’s wanted me this whole time and I believe him. I don’t think he would lie about something like that, not to mention he’s been more open about what he’s feeling.

“I know.” Ben continues to stroke along your jaw. “But I promise it won’t happen ever again.”

“I believe you.” You lock your arms around the back of his neck to hold him closer to you, loving the way his body felt wrapped around you, like he was molded just for you.

“Good.” He leans his forehead against yours for a moment. "Can I kiss you yet?" Ben's words are quiet, barely above a whisper, so low that you know if you didn't have super hearing you'd have missed them.

"You've never been a patient man. In all the years I've known you." You breathe with a smile.

"Maybe I've just never met someone worth waiting for." Ben's nose nudges into the space between you faces, waiting for you to tell him it's okay and you want to. "But you are Sweetheart."

"You've waited forty years."

"You waited longer."

His words make a ball of emotion lodge in the back of your throat, because it meant Ben listened. He heard everything you said to him and he wasn't going to forget, he was going to make this up to you.

It was hard to say no to him, not when he was smiling at you and gazing at you the way you'd always wished him to.

"We both know I'm a bit more patient than you."

"Maybe."

"You know, maybe we should be focusing on something else right now." You smirk, still keeping your lips just as hairsbreadth away from his.

“It's hard to focus on anything else, not when you’re wearing something like that.” Ben purrs, thumbs brushing against you hips in a way that makes your chest tight.

Your smirk deepens “Oh this old thing?”

At the last minute you had chosen to wear the outfit you had picked when you thought you were going to be going to Russia to get Ben, rather than your old supe suit. You didn’t want to be connected with the person you were then, and despite Ben’s want to hold on to Soldier Boy, you were more than happy to let Indigo go.

The outfit was working better than you thought. The tight black tactical pants, combat boots, black leather jacket, and long sleeved leather corseted blouse that was sinched at your waist all perfectly accentuated the curves that your mother tried to hide. When you had walked out of your closet wearing it, Ben’s entire body had gone rigid.

“What?” You’d asked him with an innocent smile standing just a few steps outside your closet, while watching the tension in his shoulders.

“Damn it sweetheart you’re making this hard.” He had responded, clenching his hands into fists at his sides to hold himself back from crossing your bedroom to touch you. It made you smile wider to understand that he was trying to respect the boundaries you made between the two of you.

“What is it that I’m making hard Benjamin?”

“Fuck. Don’t tease me. Nobody likes a tease.”

You’d smirked at him. “Sorry babe you walked right into that one.”

“It’s not fair-“ Ben had growled.

“What’s not fair?”

“You wearing that, biting your fucking lip like that-“

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He’d stalked towards you, eyes dark, causing you to back up until your back hit your pale bedroom wall. His hand had landed next to your head, the other wound around your hip so you could feel the heat of his skin through your clothes.

“You know, two can play at that game Sweetheart.” Ben had murmured, easing his face so close to yours that you could feel his breath against your lips.

“And what game is that?” You’d said it trying to keep your composure, but the dark look in his eyes and the smell of his shampoo was everywhere. Your heart beat had given you away, thudding violently in your chest as if it wanted to break free. It was hard to ignore how much you still wanted him after all these years.

"You know exactly what game." Ben had held your gaze, raising an eyebrow as a confident smirk pulled at his lips. He could hear your heartbeat too, probably could smell how much you wanted him. “But you’re so fucking beautiful I'll let it slide.”

“Huh?” It had been the last thing you thought he was going to say. If anything you’d thought he was going to tease you.

The hand that had been previously on the wall near your head dropped onto your face to gently trace the arch of your brow and the dip of your bottom lip.

“You always have been. I thought I remembered wrong but-" His expression shifted from the seductive smirk into something softer. "Fuck I missed you." Ben had leaned his forehead against yours. "So tease me all you want. I'll wait, because you're worth every second."

Remembering what he said earlier still filled you with an incredible amount of love and made you want to kiss him all the more now. Knowing that he was willing to wait for you to be okay with whatever came next made you fall harder for him. But now you knew that you needed to focus on what you were about to do. And standing here in front of the house, listening to what was going on inside made you sober up, just a little bit…. But not completely.

"Then again I thought those overalls were pretty sexy too." Ben states, staring down at you with a wide smile as the mid-afternoon sun turned his hair into a light brown and found the flecks of gold in his eyes. He looked every bit as handsome as you were accustomed to, so much in fact that it made your heart ache.

"Sure." You roll your eyes. "I think you're the first person in history to say that." Your fingers lightly curl into the strands at the back of his head.

"Maybe. Or maybe you're just the sexiest woman in history."

"Shut up."

Ben's gaze darkens. "Make me, Sweetheart."

Every viable thought except the thought of crashing your lips to his vanishes.

I wonder if they're as soft as I remember. If he still makes that sound when I-

"You two ready?" Butcher interrupts appearing just over Ben's shoulder, but smirking when he sees how close the two of you are. "Or do you love birds need a little alone  time?"

You roll your eyes and let go of Ben's hair, as he loosens his grip on your hips. Stepping back away from him was like having a bucket of cold water drop over you, you missed him and yet he was standing a full sixteen inches away from you.

This is really not good.

"You have the worst fucking timing." Ben moves to pick up his shield, but the playful smirk he'd had a few seconds ago has been replaced with a frown.

You wondered if he was as disappointed as you were.

The wind shifts and you can smell the Temp V in Butcher's veins, hear the steady beat of his heart as it pumps blood through his body, strengthening him, making him feel indestructible. When Butcher and Hughie had injected it at the back of Butcher's car, you couldn't help but be reminded of the day you took V. You had been afraid and when they injected it, you remember the pain, the unspeakable pain that made you scream so loud that Ben heard you from the room he was being kept in, and he broke through the wall to get to you. It was how the scientists learned that Ben had super strength, because he had smashed through solid rock to make sure you were okay.

Butcher shrugs and begins to walk through the trees towards the side door of the house, leaving you and Ben alone.

"You didn't answer my question." He hefts his shield up with a smirk.

He didn't have to explain, you knew he was asking about the kiss. "I'll take a raincheck."

"Hmm." Ben takes a few steps towards the house, before he stops to look back at you. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Huh?"

"In the car, even now. You're kinda quiet." He shrugs.

"I-" You were going to say that you were fine, but you knew that he would clock the lie. "We need to talk about something, but it can wait. This is important too."

Ben's frown deepens, but then he finally sighs. "Alright. Come on you’re lagging behind doll."

"Guess you changed your mind about wanting me here." You snort as you catch up to him.

Ben puts his hand on your wrist, turning you to look at him. "I always want you with me." His hand trails up your arm to finally rest under your chin. Ben smiles, leaning down towards you, but before you can arch up into him, he presses a kiss to your forehead. "I love you." He murmurs into the top of your head.

"I love you too."

And with that, you both follow Butcher into the house hosting the worst event in all of history.

I should have brought ear plugs. You cringe as you follow behind Ben and Butcher, weaving through the lower levels of the house. Maybe someone will let me borrow their blindfold. Hopefully there are nose plugs somewhere… well there have been other kinds of plugs but those are a bit big for my nose.

You walk down the staircase after Ben and Butcher who pulled ahead a few moments ago and as you do the sharp sour smell of a chemical wafts in your face, different than the other odors in the house.

What is that?

You round the corner and see Ben up ahead, shrouded in smoke, staring down an attractive muscular black man who for some reason has decided to raise his fists to challenge Ben. Your eyes trace the man's face, recognition pulling at your heart. You knew who he was. The first time you'd seen him he'd only been a boy, made eye contact with you at a funeral you couldn't help but go to, after Ben made a mistake. You'd offered the boy an encouraging smile and left the boy's family an envelope of cash in their mailbox because you couldn't think of anything else to do for them. You knew it couldn't replace who they lost, but you didn't know what else to do. Ben had been upset with himself after, he always was when he lost control. He showed up on your doorstep like he always did, drunk, high, smelling like stale perfume, and fell asleep in your bed after you reassured him the same way you always did.

Now that little boy was grown up and standing in front of you. You see recognition flash in his eyes as he sees you. Of course it does. You didn't look any different and you hadn't worn your supe suit when you went to the funeral.

"Not him." Butcher says to Ben, but Ben doesn't look away from the man.

"Ben." You whisper, reaching out to touch his arm gently.

Ben's eyes flick to yours. The look in Ben's eyes is familiar, predatory, unwilling to back down from a fight. Soldier Boy. You'd seen it countless times before, talked him out of killing people in the past. You hated how quickly you had to slip into your old job, the one that made you feel like a babysitter, but you shake it off.

"He doesn't know what he's doing. Come on. The Twins are upstairs, I can hear them arguing." It was true, you could, but you didn't want this to turn ugly so quickly. Not when the real reason why you were here were currently arguing about toilet cameras. 

His jaw tightens, eyes sliding to the man standing at the other end of the room, before he nods once and motions for you to go ahead of him.

As you continue to move through the house, you fight the shudder that threatens to travel down your spine when you think of how Ben looked moments ago. It was the first time you had seen Soldier Boy since Ben showed up again, and it was the same way you remembered it. You just hoped deep down that Ben really did want to change and that he was adopting the façade of Soldier Boy to get through what came next. You knew that you were going to have to adopt one as well.

"Here." You stop just before the two of you round the corner where the Twins were in the other room. "Let me go first. They might not try to run if I go in before you."

Ben frowns. "I don't want you to-"

"I know, but it'll be better this way."

"Fine."

You walk around the wall and towards the circular room where the Twins are fighting, ignoring the couples on the outskirts that are grinding against one another.

Like Countess, the Twins didn't look good, both were considerably older, rounder, grayer, and more wrinkly than the last time you'd seen them, but they were still the same. Still arguing and still just as annoying as they had been forty years ago.

"I never want to see you again!" Tommy spits at his sister, adjusting the golden robe slung over his shoulders that flaps around him like a cape.

"Oh sure!" Tessa sniffs while puffing on a joint. "Our Westfield mall appearance is next week and nobody is going to come see you without me!"

That must suck to have your powers depend on someone else.

"Wow, mall appearances? Aren't we all getting a bit old for that?" You flash a winning smile as you step down into the room, locking eyes with Tessa.

Both of the twins visibly pale, their hearts speeding up to work overtime, as the stench of adrenaline begins to waft through the air between you. It's almost comical how identical their reactions are to Countess' at seeing you for the first time in forty years. Then again you hoped that you looked better than they did.

Why didn't I try to find out more after Ben "died?" If our entire team had this reaction to seeing me then I would have known the truth and Ben wouldn't have been in a fucking Russian Lab all these years!

Their plan to ensure you not being in Nicaragua had paid off, because not only were you not there, you didn't want anything to do with any of them. And you wished that you had confronted them all those years ago. You knew that you'd live with that guilt for a long time, but now you allowed your anger at what they all did to Ben, overpower it.

"Y/n-" Tessa stutters.

It was weird to see her at a loss for words. You and all of Payback had listened to her nag Tommy since the moment they joined the team. Judging by what you had walked into, you figured that she hadn't changed at all.

"Hey long time no see!" Tommy fakes enthusiasm while licking his lips nervously, eyes darting to the open doors behind you. You could practically see the escape plan forming in his mind.

"You know, when I found out you guys were living in Vermont I was surprised. I would have thought that you moved down South. They’re probably more accepting of your relationship.” You make air quotes around the word relationship, before shifting your smile into an worried frown. “Oh sorry, are the two of you still pretending that you’re not fucking?”

Tessa’s gaze turns stone cold. “What the fuck do you want?”

“I was in the neighborhood, thought I’d check in.” You look around the room. “You guys have a nice house. Must have budgeted better than Countess did. Her tailer, now that was a shit hole. Must not have done as many mall appearances.”

Tommy’s heart skips a beat at the mention of Countess’s name. “Look y/n-“

“Please. We didn’t have anything against you. We didn’t come after you. Even after all these years we left you alone.” Fear seeps into Tessa’s voice with her plea, eyes wide with worry.

They had reason to be worried, you’d all but admitted to killing Countess.

“Oh sweetie.” You with false sweetness in your tone. “It’s cute that you think you can beg for mercy. That you're deserving of it.” The room begins to shake with the force of your anger as your eyes shift to bright purple. Cracks like thin spiderwebs stretch through the wide windows behind them and through the thick drywall as you lose control, the composure you always held on to drowning in the flood of emotion you feel when you look at the two of them. “Ben told me exactly what happened that day-“

“He lied to you!” Tommy exclaims. “He went crazy! You know how he gets, how he loses control!”

“He lost control and we had to protect ourselves y/n-“ Tessa adds, another lie.

Ben steps into the room beside you, his eyes are focused on the Twins, and if you thought they looked afraid when you showed up, they look near dead when Ben appears.

"You were saying?" You raise an eyebrow.

"Ben! Hey Buddy!." Tommy forces another smile but pales when he realizes Ben just heard him and Tessa try to lie to you. "How are you? Long time. We were just talking to y/n about-“

Ben's eyes narrow, stopping whatever Tommy was going to say about you.

"Nicaragua wasn't our fault!" Tommy says to recover. "Neither was the premiere." His eyes dart to yours, cowering under the purple light that pulses from your irises.

Wow. Just. Wow.

"We swear." Tessa adds.

"Why should we believe you?" You spit.

"Please-"

"Then whose fault was it?" Ben's frown deepens, hand tightening on the shield.

None of the other couples have stopped what they are doing, too enthralled in one another to notice what was going to unfold between the four of you.

"It was Noir!" Tommy shouts desperately, his eyes flitting from Ben to you as if trying to see which one of you will believe him. "He gave Ben to the Russians."

It's almost pathetic watching his mad scramble to protect himself. Apart of you hates that you don't feel guilty for any of this, at least with Countess at the beginning you felt some guilt for hurting her, but with them there was nothing. Not even the prick of remorse, there was only anger.

Ben chuckles under his breath. "We all know that Noir didn't even take a shit without Vought's say so."

"Not to mention his head was so far up Stan's ass it's a wonder that he could breathe." You narrow your eyes at the two of them waiting for them to make a move. They might be cowards, but if you knew the Twins well enough, you knew that they weren't above throwing a bolt of lighting in your direction. And you knew for a fact that electrocution wasn't fun.

"It's the truth!" Tessa shouts above the moans and wet squelch of the people around you. “Please y/n we have children.”

“You're really the worst liar hon. Always have been." You snap, listening to her heartbeat jolt in her chest as she attempts to save herself.

"Please talk Ben out of this, just like you did for Noir-“ Tommy's plea falls on deaf ears, but you knew what he was talking about. The day that you saved Noir's life because he started a fight with Ben over a stupid role in a movie. But this was different, no part of you wanted to save them from this, to save them from what they deserved.

“Noir will get what’s coming to him.” You don't recognize your own voice. "You brought this on yourselves."

But then something shifts in the air, call it a feeling, or an energy current, but something feels wrong.

The music coming from the radio has changed to a Russian pop song, why it's playing you have no idea, all you know is that it does something to Ben.

The sound of his shield hitting the ground rings in your ears and you turn to look at him. His entire body is tensed beneath his suit, sweat dotting along his hairline, red beginning to creep into his cheeks. His eyes are squeezed shut and he shakes his head as if he's trying to clear it.

"Ben? Are you okay?" Your hold on the room vanishes, eyes fading back to their normal color as your worry turns to Ben.

His fists are clenched tightly together as he brings them up to the sides of his head, chest beginning to glow with his new power, the one you'd never seen before, the one that Ben said practically vaporized whatever was in it's path.

Shit.

"Ben. Stay with me, listen to my voice." You touch the sides of his face, begging him to listen to your plea. As much as you wanted the Twins to pay, Ben wasn't just losing control of his powers, this was different. It was almost like he was being dragged somewhere else, somewhere you couldn't follow.

"Everything's okay. I'm here, I'm right here." You soothe, but he continues to glow brighter and brighter and you're directly in the line of fire.

Shit.

Ben's eyes flash open, no longer bright green but an orange-gold that makes fear snag in your ribs like a fishing hook. His hand makes contact with your chest shoving you to the side, out of the way of the beam, but unfortunately through the solid rock wall.

You don't really know what happens next. The world goes black for a few minutes, not like when you die, but just black as everything burns around you when Ben explodes. You're not sure how long you're under, could be minutes, could be hours, all you know is that when you wake up everything hurts.

It's how you know that you didn't officially die. Whenever you woke up after death, it was different, you felt powerful, reborn, but right now you felt like a train ran over you. A headache throbs at your temples as you begin to come to, blinking your eyes against the darkness that doesn't go away. Your ears are ringing, filled with the screams of those who survived and the smell of burned flesh and blood surrounds you like a cloud.

A mountain of rubble and roofing covers you, leaving you in the darkness to get your bearings, but nothing feels broken.

At least the brick fireplace broke my fall. You think to yourself with a groan as you begin to push off the planks of wood and pieces of the roof that cover your body, so you can sit up. As soon as you do, your head spins and you fight the unpleasant urge to throw up.

Great. Might have a concussion.

You might be as strong as Ben, but your ability to die meant that you were just a little bit less equipped to handle a hit like that.

Ben. Worry and fear war in your heart as you look around the broken room that lays in tatters around you.

The house isn’t recognizable anymore. Singed carpet floats in tufts with ash around your face like a swarm of flies while fires burn in clumps all over the ruined room. Chunks of drywall and planks of blackened wood litter the floor and the back half of the house is gone, burned to a crisp in the blast from Ben.

What the fuck did they put in his chest? Ben had tried to describe it to you, tried to explain it, but standing here in the rubble you understood just how bad it was. The ruins in Mid-town you had seen the coverage of on the news, but it was a completely different thing to experience it in person.

People are going to think that he did this on purpose. That he's a bad person, that he's some kind of terrorist. The thought is immediately followed by the fear that Vought and the government would come to take him away. Your jaw tightens. I'd like to see them try.

The bodies of Tommy and Tessa are burned beyond recognition, still holding hands, but now are just blacked lumps of flesh and bone that lay where they tried to make their final stand. But you feel no remorse.

It’s what we came here to do, to make them pay. You bite the inside of your cheek listening to the screams of those who survived. I just didn't think that so many others would get hurt.

You continue to look around the room, worry rising in your chest as you think of Ben and remember the look on his face. He had been scared of what was about to happen even if he didn’t want to admit it. He lost control. In the past when he lost control the worst thing he could do was rip someone in half or smash their face into a pulp, but now if Ben ever lost control he'd level a building.

I see a lot of yoga in his future. Or maybe anger management classes.

Although the thought makes you smile, as soon as you see Ben everything else fades from your mind. Ben is on his knees in the center of the room, head slumped forward on his chest, hands laying limply by his sides, as he takes in shaky breaths. You could hear the frantic pound of his heart, beating hard against his rib cage as if begging to be released. Seeing him like that almost sends you into overdrive. You’d never seen him look so defeated, so small, so tired, so… lost.

“Ben?” You fall to your knees next to him, reaching out to touch his face, to bring his attention to you.

His body tenses as you do so, eyes narrowing when he meets yours like he doesn’t know you. His eyes miles away.

But where?

“Hey, it’s me.” You say gently, cupping his face with your hands to rub your thumbs across his cheeks while fear grips your heart as you try to bring him back to you. “It’s me, I’m here. It’s okay.”

Ben inhales sharply as if suddenly remembering, the look in his eyes clearing for a moment, rising through the fog. "Y/n?" He whispers.

"Yeah. I'm here." You repeat, smiling at him even though the urge to cry builds in the back of your throat. It broke your heart to see him like this. You push his hair back from his face, brushing the ash from the mahogany strands.

 “Are you okay? Did I-“ Worry etches itself across his handsome face.

“I’m fine. Shhh.” You soothe, pulling him against you so your can rub his back softly and lock him in your embrace. But the truth was you were afraid. You didn’t understand what happened and couldn’t explain the look in his eyes when he went under, when he started to lose himself in his newfound powers. Ben crumbles into you, leaning his head against your shoulder as if needing it to strengthen him.

“It’s okay. Everything’s okay.” You weren’t sure the effects the blast had on him, just that he seemed unsure as to how the hell he did it.

 Where did he go in those moments?

“The twins?” Ben mumbles.

“They’re dead.” You could hear the approaching ambulances and police cars, hear the anxious chatter of the survivors outside.

We’ve got to get out of here.

“Come on. Let’s go.” You say softly rising to your feet and helping him up. Ben stumbles a step, shaking his head like he can’t catch his bearings and the worry comes roaring back. You catch him and tilt his body so he can lean on you. “Ben are you okay?” Your fingers dance against the sides of his face trying to bring his focus back to you, because you were afraid he might lose himself to whatever the hell happened before.

“I will be in a minute.” Ben takes in a shaky breath, leaning on your shoulder. "I don't know what happened."

"It's okay." His shield rises telekinetically from the rubble and into your outstretched hand that glows a brilliant purple in the dusty light. Smoke billows up from the room around you obscuring the sunlight that filters through the ruined front of the house, but you can still see the front drive already becoming swarmed with people and news crews.

Because that's exactly what Rosemary needs to see, me and Ben on the 5'oclock news. Fuck.

"Come on." You lead him back the way you can, toting his shield in your free hand, down the stairs.

When you spot Butcher, Ben straightens finally catching his bearings and takes the shield from you. Butcher looks from Ben to you, eyebrows raised.

"Sorted?"

"Yeah." Ben frowns.

You could tell that he was still a little shaky, but you knew he wasn't going to admit that to anyone, especially not to Butcher. Your gaze falls on the man from before laying on the ground, the man that Butcher had told Ben to leave.

Why did he want Ben to spare his life if Butcher was only going to beat him down?

But just as you take a step towards the man to check him for injuries, a long shadow falls on the floor at your feet.

Your eyes jolt upwards and focus on Homelander. The smell of hairspray, hair dye, and cheap cologne waft through the air at Homelander's appearance.  He's shorter than you expected him to be, not overtly muscular, but he didn't need to be. Supes with superstrength didn't need to look like body builders, and you suspected that the only reason why Homelander even had any kind of muscle was for his image as America's Hero. Then again, you never complained about Ben's muscular physique.

I don’t think anybody should complain about that and- Nope. Nope. Not thinking about that right now.

But as you stare at him there's something wrong, something that you can't place, something that tugs at the back of your mind when you look at him, almost as if you've forgotten something important.

Seeing him in person is surreal. You'd only ever seen him on the news or on billboards or on those stupid energy drinks that were sold at the bodega on the corner where you get coffee filters sometimes, but the look in his eyes is the same. It's cold, unfeeling, and reminds you of those ridiculous shark documentaries that Rosemary is obsessed with. The only time she could watch shark week was after Lou went to bed. She said that watching it made her feel better about her job and you didn't complain.

Homelander looks around the room forcing a smile, a predatory glare in his eyes.

"William Butcher and Soldier Boy. Of course you are behind this. It really is all about me." Homelander's smile widens.

Narcissistic much? This guy's like a walking red flag.

He takes a step closer to the three of you, and Ben steps in front of you to shield you from Homelander's view. Homelander clocks the movement, but then tsks his finger at Butcher.

"William we made a deal to fight to the death, you and me." Homelander's eyes begin to glow. "You cheated, deals off."

The red flash of the laser-vision illuminates Ben's face in sharp contrast as the beam hits Butcher full in the chest propelling him back into the wall. His body falls to the ground and lies still.

Well. That's not good.

Honestly you didn't like Butcher all that much, but you couldn't help but feel a little bit bad.

You glance up from Butcher's body to gaze at Homelander again. Fighting him hadn't been on the agenda today, but it was starting to look that way. You knew what his powers were, knew that Vought probably told him his entire life that he was a god and that no one could compare to him. And you knew that the man standing next to you hadn't changed enough to walk away from the fight, no matter how bad his odds were.

And deep down you knew that you weren't going to let Ben take that beating, which of course meant that you were going to fight Homelander. Not that you were afraid of him. One look at him might have sent everyone else heading for the hills, but he didn't intimidate you.

"I watched all your movies, hundreds of times. You were the only one that was nearly as strong as me." The look on Homelander's face is one of respect almost wonder.

And you can imagine a smaller version of Homelander being fed all the same propaganda that Ben and you were fed all those years ago, imagine Homelander growing up hearing that he was stronger, greater, faster than Soldier Boy, and imagine Vogelbaum working hard to make sure to mold Homelander into the hero that America wanted. Not to mention all the shit he probably heard when he was with Stormfront. You were very happy that you didn't have to see her again, though now you had a fun story to tell Ben about one of his exes.

“Buddy you’re wearing a cape, do you think you look strong?” Ben frowns at Homelander.

“It is pretty stupid.” You agree examining Homelander’s supe suit. “Honestly I thought you had it bad with that dorky looking helmet-“ You glance at Ben out of the corner of your eye.

“Really? You’re gonna do this now?” Ben glowers turning his attention to you.

“I’m just being honest it was pretty bad and I’m glad you decided not to wear it today. But his cape is definitely worse.”

“Do you want me to bring up that ridiculous hood you had?”

“You can, but I won’t believe you, because that hood was fabulous and I looked fantastic in it.”

Homelander clears his throat to catch your attention. “Um hello?”

“Hi.” You force a smile. “Oh sorry did we interrupt your little monologue?”

Homelander's gaze turns icy as you continue. “Because we can take this from the top. What was the line again? Something about power or watching his films? I was only half listening. Did you want me to record it for you so you can post it on your socials?”

“What the f-“ Homelander begins to say, but you interrupt him.

“I mean. That is why you practiced it in the mirror for so long right? And why you did your hair and makeup?" You scrunch up your nose. "I'd skip that last mist of hairspray if I were you. You want it to look smooth, not look like you stuck your finger in an electrical socket.”

You could tell that Ben was trying to maintain his composure, but his mouth was twitching in a smile. “Oh wait does your suit have a body cam? I guess that makes things easier, because it probably doesn't have pockets. Not to mention if you dropped your phone while you were flying around-"

"Who the fuck are you?" Homelander spits interrupting you.

"No one important."

“Is he really what passes for a hero these days?” Ben cocks an eyebrow. “He’s just a cheap fucking knock off of me.”

“No.” Homelander snarls, eyes beginning to glow bright red. “I’m the upgrade.”

The laser cuts through the air in slow motion, but you’re already moving.

"Ben!" His name rips from your throat as you lunge forward and shove him as hard as you can out of the way of the beam. You feel the laser tear through your body, the force throwing you backward through one of the wood paneled walls and then the darkness swallows you whole.

If someone were to ask you what it was like to die, you wouldn’t know how to answer. To exist in those thirteen seconds sometimes feels like a dream, like you're floating, but it's always silent. And the silence scares you. How quickly it comes to drag you under and how it seems to replace everything you know or remember about the real world until you come back to life. You understood why Ben didn't like being alone, because you didn't either. It reminded you too much of those moments you were gone, wishing for it to stop. There was never a bright light, there was only the darkness and the silence that fell when your heart stopped beating.

When you take your first breath in thirteen seconds it's full of dust and ash, swirling into your mouth as you inhale sharply to jumpstart your lungs. But at the same time everything is different. The colors in the room are brighter, the sounds more acute, the smells just a fraction stronger, and you feel different. Power floods through your limbs, swirling through flesh and bone, pouring through your veins, electrifying through each nerve ending and setting you on fire, more than any other power ever has. You'd never felt power like this before. Even with Countess and the others that had killed you, no other power you'd ever gotten had felt this strong.

You stand up from the rubble you landed in, covered in a layer of dust and blood. The hole in your new outfit where the laser struck is just under your left breast, the mark left behind already a pink scar. And you knew that Ben would probably kill you for it later, for taking the laser for him, but you didn't care.

Homelander is floating in the center of the room, holding Ben by the throat, smiling cruelly at him.

"Hey asshole." You snarl, spitting out a glob of blood onto the ruined carpet. "We're not done."

Homelander turns his head towards you amused, while Ben grabs at the front of his suit, trying to get his attention, but Homelander is focused on you.

"So that's it? That's your big trick? Laser vision? Forgive me for not cowering in fear." Your hands clench into fists at your sides.

He eyes you for a moment. "You're Indigo aren't you?"

"I used to be. Now I'm just disappointed. I expected more from Vought's big hero, but now I see that you're just another asshole who thinks he's a god." Your eyes drift to Ben for a moment, worry clawing at your heart when you meet his gaze. "So drop him. Before I drop you."

"You’re very confident for someone who was dead a few seconds ago. I don't really see how that ability is going to help you-"

"Before I didn’t want to kill you."

"And you think you can?" He laughs.

"No." You smirk. "I know I can."

"Who do you think you’re talking to?"

"I’m not talking to much." Your eyes narrow. "But I'll be nice, and I'll give you a chance to leave. To tuck your tail between your fucking legs and fly away. We didn't come here for you and you and I don't have to do this."

"And if I don't leave?"

"Then I'll kill you."

"I'd like to see you try." Homelander throws Ben as hard as he can through the brick fireplace, causing rock and mortar to rain down on top of him, but Homelander's eyes don't leave yours. “Well why don’t you give me your best sho-“

He doesn’t have time to finish his sentence, your body ploughs into his tackling him through the solid outer wall and onto the back lawn.

Truthfully you hadn’t meant to go through the wall, you’d only meant to pin him to it, but flying was proving just a little more difficult than you expected. Your hand closes on Homelander’s wrist bringing him down against the ground so hard that the earth quakes, before you throw him as far away from you as you can.

His body spins awkwardly in the air, before he ploughs into one of the thick oak trees head on, at the edge of the backyard. The loud snap of the tree compensating for Homelander’s body fills the air.

He stumbles to his feet, eyes narrowed in pure hatred, lip curled back in a snarl, and his blonde hair flopping forward into his face.

“You chose wrong.” You spit, rolling your shoulders, preparing for what came next.

Homelander lets out a roar and flies towards you, arms outstretched for you, but you’re ready for him.

You catch his fist before it lands against your face and tighten your other hand around his throat. Your bodies are floating two feet off the ground, but it doesn’t faze you.

When Homelander’s gaze meets yours you see just a flicker of fear, a spark, quickly masked by his shock. He struggles to pull away to push you away with his free hand, but all you do is tighten your grip.

 "You've never felt real pain before have you?" You force your face into a sympathetic frown, before your eyes harden. "Allow me to enlighten you."  You throw him to the ground again, watching his body spin and screech against the grass and dirt.

 Given the screams and smell of blood in the air, any witnesses from the massacre inside were at the front of the house waiting for the police, leaving you and Homelander on the backside of the house alone.

Worry for Ben rose in your chest like the peak of a wave, you hadn't seen him since Homelander threw him through the fireplace, but you funnel that worry into all encompassing rage.

"They told you that you were a god right? That you were the most powerful supe that ever lived. They were wrong. There's only one supe more powerful than you, and you just fucking pissed her off." You shout beginning to float towards him.

Homelander growls rising to his feet, eyes glowing bright red as he fires a laser at you, but you’re ready.

Your own beam catches his mid air between you, the high pitched sizzle and smell of ozone floats across your face, but you don't back down. If anything, it just makes you more angry.

And then something slams into you from the side, breaking the connection between your beam and Homelander's.

"What-" You shout, looking up at the body above yours, preparing to blast them off, but you realize it's Ben. "Ben what-"

"Stay here." He growls, eyes black. Ben looks pissed, whether it’s because you pushed Ben out of the way before or if it’s because he’s annoyed that Homelander punched him you’re not sure.

"What?" You look beyond him, to see Hughie and Butcher tackle Homelander to the ground.

They're going to try to turn him human.

"I can hold him down-" You say. “Let me help.”

"No." Ben snarls as he stalks towards Homelander, his chest beginning to glow.

“Ben-“

“Stay the fuck there.” Ben shouts still looking at Homelander.

Your eyes flit to the leader of the Seven. Watching him struggle against Hughie and Butcher, who yell at one another, but you don’t hear them. You wait for the remorse to crash over you, the guilt, but it never comes.

I gave him a choice. He could have run. He didn’t. He chose this.

And just when you think it’s all over, Homelander breaks away from them, surging up into the air to freedom. You feel your feet leave the ground to follow him, someone’s hand tightens on your ankle and drags you back down to earth.

“No.” Ben’s voice is more of a growl than anything else.

He’s angry, that much you can tell from the look on his face and from the way his eyes have hardened into two solid chunks of emerald as he locks eyes with you.

But why? Angry because Homelander got away or angry because I pushed him out of the way?

“Ben I can get him. Let me go.” You kick your ankle but Ben holds on.

“No.” Ben snarls. “You’re not about to go after that sick fuck by yourself.”

“Ben-“

“No. If I have to chain you to the ground I will.” Ben pulls you down further and releases your ankle to  fasten his hand around you waist to hold you tighter against the ground. “You’re not going after him.”

“Fine.” You snap pulling yourself from his grasp, your own temper flaring.

You hated when Ben did that, when he acted like you weren’t just as capable as him of doing this. It reminded you of your childhood, when you were treated like you were made of glass, a pretty doll that was made to be looked at but never touched.

And you knew it came from Ben’s want to protect you, knew that it came from his fear of losing you, but that didn’t make it any less annoying.

You didn’t pout when Ben went out to face someone, didn’t try to act like he couldn’t do it.

“I know that maybe I’m a little behind but… WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?” Hughie shouts. “You have laser vision and you can fly and you can move things with your mind!?” He looks frantically from you to Ben.

You don’t answer, your eyes are still on Ben who looks ready to throw Butcher’s car into space. You could practically see the waves of anger rolling off of him like a comic strip.

“You didn’t before, did you?” Butcher’s eyes trace your body as things begin to click into place. “You didn’t before he killed you.”

“Hold on.” Hughie holds up his hand. “Are you telling me that you die and you come back to life WITH THE POWERS OF THE SUPE THAT KILLED YOU?”

“It wasn’t in the files.” Butcher’s eyes still haven’t left you. “Vought didn’t know did they?”

You don’t like the way he’s looking at you, don’t like the glimmer in his eyes as if you’d just solved all his problems. It was the exact look that was in the eyes of the scientists the day you took the serum for the first time. To them that’s all Ben and you were, lab rats, people who were stupid enough to listen to the wild ideas of glory and a better world they spouted.

“We should go.” You murmur, listening to the sounds of the ambulances and the police coming up the driveway. “It’s about to be a circus here and I'd rather not make my big social media debut covered in rubble and blood."

Ben’s mouth is clamped together, green eyes blazing at your mention of blood. You knew that he was focused on the bloody hole left behind in the corset where Homelander's laser had ripped through your body.

Another scar, another fun story to tell my daughter when I see her… great.

*****************************************

The car ride to Legend’s is dead silent. Ben doesn’t look at you, doesn’t try to hold your hand, and doesn’t try to touch you in any way. Instead his hands are curled into fists, sitting on the tops of his thighs while his anger heats the inside of the car like a furnace. You knew it was only a matter until he exploded, but now you had bigger things on your mind.

You had just exposed yourself to Homelander, showed your face to him, not to mention you admitted to being Indigo. It would be easy for him to find your real name in the Vought archives find your file and the same name that linked you to Rosemary. She’d gone back to her maiden name when her husband died, which meant the two of you had the same last name and it wouldn’t be difficult for Homelander to find her.

Which meant you needed to get to her first.

You had tried to text her, tried to tell her to have a bag ready and that you were going to pick her up, but she was refusing to do so and you didn’t exactly want to text “Homelander is a fucking psychopath and he’s going to come after you” to her phone. Plus you couldn’t exactly call her, not in this cramped car.

Legend is waiting on the front porch of his country home when Butcher pulls his car into the end of the long driveway, somewhere that you’d been to many times in the past. He's smoking a joint and scrolling through his phone, wearing the same outfit you had seen him in a few days ago.

"Kitten!" He smiles wide at you when he sees you and pulls you into a hug. “I was worried when I heard about that mess with Countess. You never called.” Legend frowns at you, blowing out a lungful of smoke. "Guess you guys had a talk."

"Something like that." You frown. "It got complicated really fast."

“I told you so.” His eyes shift to where Ben is glowering a foot behind you. "I see he found you. I didn't tell him-"

"I know you didn't. Thank you for keeping your promise." You smile tightly, squeezing Legend's hand. He really was a good friend. One of the oldest ones you had besides Ben.

"Figured if I did, you'd keep him from ripping my head off."

“Haven’t decided if I’m not going to yet.” Ben snarls and Legend's eyes widen in fear.

But you knew that he was just redirecting his anger. Ben was angry because you put yourself in harms way to protect him and the sooner you had it out, the sooner you could go get Rosemary and Lou.

"Ben we both know that you're not mad at Legend, you're mad at me. So you might as well spit it out, because we've got bigger problems than your hissy fit-" You begin to say. You were sick of him pouting, refusing to look at you, refusing to touch you.

"What the FUCK were you thinking?!" Ben roars towering over you, eyes flashing. "Getting between me and him like that!"

Legend backs away, afraid that he's going to get caught in the cross-fire.

"Calm down." You sigh, gritting your teeth together. You were trying your best not to lose it either, because the last thing this situation needed was you losing control.

"DON’T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN." Ben's hands are clenched tightly into fists, his suit beginning to glow bright.

"You're going to have to calm down or you're going to blast me to kingdom come!" You snap back.

Ben grits his teeth together and closes his eyes tightly while his chest begins to fade back to normal and when it does, he opens his eyes to glare at you. "Why did you do that? I had him handled-"

"You didn't."

"Yes I did. You didn't give me a chance to-"

"No what I did was I didn't give that psychopath a chance to punch a hole through your chest with his fucking laser vision." You poke him in the chest. "Of the two of us, I have a greater chance of surviving that!”

By then Butcher and Hughie had moved to give the two of you a wide berth, standing where Legend was watching the two of you looking bored. They were probably hoping that you didn’t cut one of them in half with your new powers.

"Are they always like this?" You hear Butcher ask Legend from where they stand a safe distance away.

"Pretty much." Legend answers, blowing out a puff of the fowl smelling smoke.

"Do you ever get used to it?" Hughie mutters.

"Nope."

“Is there an off button?” Butcher sighs.

“Nope.” Legend puffs his joint.

"You don't know that!" Ben spits back at you. "I could have!"

"I wasn't willing to take that chance damnit!"

How can I make him understand this? How can he finally understand what it would be like for me to lose him all over again, just when I got him back?

"Do you really think that I'm willing to play Russian Roulette with your life?" Ben snarls, grabbing you by the shoulders so tightly you're sure they'll be bruises but all you can do is look into his quickly darkening eyes. "Do you have any idea what it did to me to see you die AGAIN? To see him TOUCH YOU? To know that he HURT you?"

"We've already had this conversation Ben-"

"And we're going to fucking have it again!" His grip tightens. "I told you to stay behind me!"

The last time he'd touched you like this was the night of the premiere, when he told you that he didn't care about you, that he could never love you. The memory of that night lodges itself in the back of your throat, but you keep it down.

"And I told you that I wasn't going to do that!"

"Damn it y/n you can't-"

You pull yourself away from him. "No Ben. You can't tell me what to do. You don't get to control me. People have tried to control me all my damn life and when I first came with you I thought I was giving that up. But no, I just moved on and Vought took over. When I decided to live my own life, to stop being a supe, I was free! Finally! After forty years of bullshit I was finally free!"

Ben’s jaw is so tightly locked together you think you hear the grinding of his teeth. “So what are you saying? Are you saying that when you’re with me you feel trapped? Like I’m holding you fucking hostage?!”

“No.” You exhale heavily. "I understand that you love me. I understand that you want to protect me. But you need to understand that I love you too. That just as you're willing to lay down your life for me, I am willing to lay down my life for you. And if you want this to work between us, you need to understand that you don't control me. You're not my dad or my owner, you're the man I love. And until you realize that I am just as capable of protecting you as you are protecting me-"

"I know that." Ben seethes.

"What?"

"Do you really think that I don't see how strong you are?” You watch something flash in his eyes that isn't anger, the vulnerable look is back for a fleeting moment and it rocks you to your core. "I don’t want to control you! I’m not trying to. Have you thought that maybe after all this time I just wanted you to need me like I need you?"

His confession makes your heart stop. Does he really think that I don’t need him? That after all these years there’s no one else that I’ve needed more in my entire life?

“Ben.” You sigh while stretching out your hand to lay against his arm, but he flinches away. “ I do need you. You have no idea how much I need you, no idea what it did to me when I lost you even after everything that happened. I just don’t want you to treat me like I’m made of glass.”

“I don’t treat you like you’re-“ He begins to say.

“Yes. You do. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting to protect me, but you have to understand that I want to protect you too.”

He huffs out a breath, shoulders tensed, arms crossed over his muscular chest. “I do understand that. I just hate it when you do that, that you push me out of the way. I hate when you get hurt.”

“And I hate when you get hurt." You bite the inside of your cheek. "You say that you were angry that Homelander hurt me, but did you stop to consider what it did to me to see him try to hurt you? Do you know what it did to me to see him touch you?”

Ben stands there for a minute glaring down at you, before his gaze begins to soften. “No.” He grumbles.

“Exactly.”

You both stand there for a minute eyeing one another, daring the other to break the silence.

This is ridiculous.

Finally Ben, sighs out a breath and jerks you forward against his chest. The hug would be bone crushing for anyone else, but not to you.

“You’re so fucking annoying.” He mutters into the top of your head, while his body curves around yours.

“I love you too asshole.” You huff, hugging him back just as tight.

“See they always work it out.” Legend shrugs at Butcher. “Takes them a while to get there. They made my job so much harder in the 70’s. Though I will say it’s a relief that they’re finally admitting they love each other. Way too much sexual tension before, gave me anxiety.”

Ben pulls back to look at your face with another loud sigh. He still looks a little angry, but not angry enough to start shouting again. His thumb strokes against your cheek. “Are you okay?”

You nod once leaning into his touch. “Are you?” You brush back some of his dark hair out of his face, looking for bruises but you don’t see any.

“Yeah.” He nods.

“If the two of you are done, we have bigger things to worry about-“ Butcher begins to say.

“We are and we do.” You interrupt looking away from Ben to stare at Butcher. “I need to borrow your car.”

“Why?”

“I need to go back to the city.”

“What?” Ben sputters releasing you from his grasp.

“And I think it would be better if I went alone-“ You continue slowly.

Honestly you did think that it would be better if you went alone, but you didn’t want to. You wanted Ben to come with you, the problem was Rosemary.

“Like hell I’m letting you go alone with that son of a  bitch flying around!” Ben shouts, temper flaring again.

“Which is why I have to go.” You try to say it diplomatically, try to have him understand without having to explain it. But there’s really no way around it, around any of this.

“No.”

“Ben please c-"

“Don’t tell me to calm down again! I’m not being crazy. You’re not going after him!” His eyes blaze a brilliant green, as he crosses his hands over his chest.

“Ben-“

“Why can’t you listen to me for once?”

“BEN!” You shout, grabbing his face and holding his cheeks between your palms to catch his attention.

“What?” Ben’s eyes lock with yours.

“I’m not going to the city to go after Homelander.”

He pauses confused. “Then why are you-“

And you just can’t take it anymore. You can’t hold it in any longer, can’t think of a way to tell him without just ripping the bandaid off. Your eyes meet his, apologetic, determined, and just a little bit fearful.

“I’m going back into the city to get our daughter.”

A/N: I know I know, it's been a while and honestly I didn't mean to get hit by writer's block this bad 😂😭

But it kinda works out, because what better way to celebrate Father's Day than to tell Soldier Boy that he's a dad?

As always thank you so much for reading! There are big things coming! And thank so much for the love and support! If you'd like to be added to the taglist please let me know :)

Taglist: @roseblue373 @anundyingfidelity @cheynovak @cassiecasluciluce @muhahaha303

@deans-spinster-witch @kayleighmeister @demodemo909 @fruitfacess @bobbobbobinogs

@bughill126 @simplyfixated @sleepjam @tiredstrangerr @freefallthoughts

@onlyangel-444 @lov3vivian @mxltifxnd0m @mayafatimakhan @marvel-mistress

@my-obsession-spn @lifeonawhim @soldirboy @liuope @brynanna

@carpenterswife @xxannyxx @babyinatrench-coat1 @the-gentle-spirit @valryomen

@cassieriddle713 @shaggzthatsnottheworm @lil-soup @ej13928 @topstory21

@boywivlove @mrsjenniferwinchester @vivre-dans-la-nuit @megara0224 @daisy-the-quake

@thesilmarillionblog @samanddeaninatrenchcoat @libby99hb @peachhiz @tinydancer40

[24carathoney]

Birthday Girl | C.SC | 18+

Pairing: Seungcheol x FemReader

Wc: 3.2k

Genre: Smut // Established Relationship

Warnings: minors do not interact // reader is bisexual // dom!Seungcheol // a sprinkle of dom!Jeonghan // daddy kink // slight degradation // oral f. receiving // fingering // lesbian experience // Unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it) // Group sex (Not an orgy) // Voyeurism // use of pet names such as princess, angel, gorgeous // squirting // multiple orgasms //

Summary: Jeonghan wants to give his girlfriend a gift for her birthday. But he needs you and Seungcheol to be successful. 

A/N: I'll be completely honest, my imagination ran kinda wild with this one. 

If you knew the night would end like this, you would've had a couple more drinks in your system. Jeonghan invited you and Seungcheol to his girlfriend's birthday party tonight and you were already late because the man is nothing but insatiable when it comes to you. 

“Are you ready yet?” He shouted to you from the living room and a scoff left your lips. 

“I would've been ready if your didn't fuck me into the bed as soon as I got out of the shower.” You responded and smiled when you heard his laughter echo throughout the house. After giving yourself one last look over you met your boyfriend in the living room. You didn't miss the way his gaze darkened as his eyes scanned you over. 

“Hey babe, you think we have at least 20 minutes to spare?” He groaned, wrapping you up in his arms making sure to press his crotch into your ass.

“No we're already late, remember? Let's go.” You laughed, smacking his shoulder as you bid Kkuma goodbye. The drive there wasn't long so you didn't have to worry about Seungcheol trying to pull over to have a second quickie. When the two of you arrived Jeonghan was quick to greet both of you with a wide smile. 

“About time you two showed up! Hoshi was about to drag me to karaoke for the third time tonight.” he groaned with a feign look of annoyance. 

“Well we would've been on time but someone wanted some fresh out the shower pussy.” You stated and Jeonghan did nothing but shake his head, having grown used to how blunt you were with your relationship. Seungcheol grabbed your waist, hiding his wide grin on your shoulder. 

“Of course he did. Speaking of there's something I want to ask you Y/N. Not now though if you want to mingle first.”

“We can talk. I'd rather not be dragged into another drinking game by Soonyoung and Mingyu. Last time I ended up dancing on a table and somebody didn't like that very much.” You grinned, nudging Seungcheol with your shoulder. Your boyfriend playfully rolled his eyes as Jeonghan cleared his throat.

“It's settled then. You two come join us at our booth.” You gave a short nod as you waved at the others as you passed by.

Following behind the blonde you gave Seungcheol a confused smile in which he retorted with a raised eyebrow. When you walked up to the booth you waved at the woman sitting there with her hands in her lap. It's Crystal, Jeonghan's girlfriend. Once the four of you were away from prying eyes, Jeonghan was the one to speak first as Seungcheol poured you both a glass of wine.

“So to my knowledge, you have experience with women correct?” He asked you and you slowly nodded, wondering what that has to do with anything. “Well Crystal has always wanted to try it out and I figured I'd ask you for that favor since it's her birthday. If you're comfortable with it of course.”

Your eyes went wide and he threw his hands up. “Nothing too crazy. Just eating her out will be enough.”

You raised an eyebrow behind your glass, staring at the blonde across from you as you took a swig of your wine. “You want me to go down on your girlfriend?” You stared Jeonghan in the eyes and could tell he was serious. 

“Why not? It's her birthday and she thinks you're sexy. Plus she's never been with a woman so I figured you were the best bet.” He said rubbing circles on her thigh. You tore your eyes from the couple in front of you and looked over at Seungcheol who surprisingly already has his eyes on you. 

“What are you looking at me for? He's asking you the question.” He smirked, putting his arm over the couch. It was no secret to Seungcheol that you were bisexual and had your own experiences with women. He knew that way before the two of you got together. Unbeknownst to you, he and Jeonghan already had a conversation concerning the topic at hand. Seungcheol figured it would be an interesting night and agreed. Can’t blame him for being curious on how you are with women versus how you are with him. But only because it was his best friend asking. “You gonna answer him princess?”

“I thought daddy got the final say.” You asked looking up at him through your lashes. He could swear he felt his dick twitch at the sight but only ended up sucking his teeth, placing his hand firmly around your throat. 

“As bad as I would love to fuck you right here on this couch, birthday girl is waiting for an answer.” You gave him a puzzled stare and he grinned down at you. “Don't worry. I'll be there.” Your gaze shifted to the girl fidgeting in her seat as Jeonghan held her hand. “Okay.”

Now 5 shots later the four of you were up in one of the guest rooms. You were buried between Crystal's legs on the bed while the guys sat on the couch across from you, eyes glued to the scene in front of them. You pulled away with hooded eyes and turned to look at Seungcheol who had his gaze snapped on you. His legs were spread apart and the bulge in his pants did nothing but taunt you. Beckoning you to take him down your throat. You pushed those thoughts away remembering exactly why you were here. 

“Any rules?” You questioned and the man shrugged his shoulders, his hand palming his dick through his pants. 

“Have fun princess.”

Crystal shuddered and jerked under your touch as you let your tongue flick her swollen bud at a gentle pace. The skirt you wore started to rise up your hips and you did a little wiggle ro make sure your man had a perfect view of your soiled panties. You heard him smack his lips and grinned into the wet opening in front of you. Crystal brought her hands up her body to fondle her breasts, head falling back as the pleasure built a knot in her stomach. You were gentle. Careful. You didn't want to overwhelm the jerking woman under you. 

“You're alright.” You voice was soothing to the woman but Jeonghan's voice cut through the air like a hot knife.

“She can take it Y/N. No need to be gentle with her.” 

“Don't be shy, gorgeous. You and I both know you can use your tongue better than that.” As if that low voice itself was a switch, something in your brain clicked and a shudder ran down your spine. You pushed your tongue harder against the small bundle of nerves and Crystal arched off the bed, pushing her hips further into your face. 

“Feel good?” You asked, feeling your pride build at how breathless she became. You got a taste of the dom headspace that Cheol lives in rent fucking free as you held onto the woman's thigh. You will never be like this with him. With all the things he does to you……you gladly submit to him anyday. 

“Fuck- it's so good. So so good.” She moaned out when you pushed a finger past her folds, curling your finger against the spot you know all too well. You gave her a nod as your free hand slid past the waistband of your panties, coating your digit in your own arousal. You moaned into her heat letting her hips rock against your face. “H-hannie, can I please c-cum? It's too good she's gonna make me cum.”

“Oh you remembered to ask permission first? Go ahead angel. Let me watch that pussy cum.” He smirked as he rubbed his palm over his pants to give his dick some relief. Now Seungcheol on the other hand was fully prepared to pounce on you as soon as Crystal hit her high. His dick strained against his jeans and the sly passes of his hand isn't doing much for him. His gaze never once left you as you went to work to make this girl's birthday wish come true. His eyes darkened as Crystal ran a hand through your curls as she began to come undone. 

“This pretty little pussy gonna cum? You questioned rubbing quick circles around her swollen bud. She vigorously nodded her head and you leaned back to leave light kisses along her thighs.

There was one unspoken rule between you and Seungcheol though. And that was not to let her cum on your tongue. That's not your job. So you opted to use your fingers to fuck her through her high. 

“Fuck I'm cumming. Don't stop.” You moaned into her thigh quickly rubbing her clit, shooting volts of pleasure up her spine as her release crashed down on her. You shivered as your fingers rubbed circles around your own bundle of nerves, bringing you closer to your own release. As Crystal rode out her high, you didn't even notice Jeonghan moving over to the bed until he slipped behind Crystal. Instead of finishing, you slid away to give her some space and watched the two with a shy grin as Jeonghan rubbed Crystal's shoulders. Coaxing her through her aftershocks. “How was it angel?”

“So good.” Her eyes were glazed over but she had a wide smile on her lips. 

“Don't be rude now, say thank you to my friends. This wouldn't have been possible without their say so.”

“Thank you Y/N. Thank you Seungcheol.” She was breathless and Jeonghan peppered her neck and shoulder with short kisses. You turned to look at Seungcheol and he beckoned you closer with his finger, his dark gaze glued to you. He couldn't wait for the two of you to get home. He wanted you then and there, not interested in what the other couple were doing. Your bottom lip nestled between your teeth as you slipped off the bed and made your way over to him, his eyes not breaking the intense stare you two shared. His hands ran up and down your thighs before he softly pulled at the back of your knees until you were straddling his hips on the couch. 

“You did so fucking good.” His fingers tangled in your hair as he pulled you down for a kiss. You moaned into the kiss, causing Crystal's eyes to snap over to the couch. Seungcheol wasted no time to leave fiery kisses down your neck and chest as you grind your hips into the evident hard on in his pants. 

“I need you so bad.” You moaned into his lips as he bucked his hips into you. 

“What do you need from me princess?” His breath fanned over your lips and you ran your fingers through his hair. 

“Need daddy to fuck me.” He groaned into your skin, sinking back into the couch so you could easily free him from the confines of the denim fabric. Pulling his hand free, he dipped down between you to slip your panties to the side, the fall of your skirt covering just about everything. “I'll fuck you beautiful but do you care for an audience?” His lips left hot kisses down your neck and you let a whine slip past your lips.

“Ah….fuck, no daddy.” He eased into your heat spewing soft praises until he bottomed out. You let your head fall into the crook of his neck gently biting down on his skin to keep quiet as you shifted your hips to rid yourself of the slight sting that always came with taking him all the way. He crashed his lips into your parted ones to serve as a distraction, letting his hungry tongue slam against yours. 

His hand held onto your waist before lifting you off of him till only the head was being sucked back in. You squealed out when he slammed into you all at once before picking his rythym and fucking you in front of the other couple. Jeonghan took that as his queue to wrap his arms around Crystal to whisper in her ear. “What do you want to do angel? We could leave……”

“No. I want to cum again. But can I want to watch them.” She muttered as Jeonghan slipped his hand between her legs. Seungcheol didn't give two fucks about the other couple in the room. His sole purpose at that moment was to fuck into you until you were falling apart in his lap. Especially since he had to wait for you to finish with Crystal.

The sound of the woman moaning softly reached your ears and you let your body fall forward onto his chest. “Baby.” You whined as he sped up his thrusts. His hands kept a tight hold on your hips, keeping you in place as the need to cum started to intensify. 

“I got you princess. Just a little……fuck….a little longer.” You run your fingers through his hair, the world around you falling into nothing as his tip brushes against your g spot every thrust. He smirks at the way your head lulls back, the familiar sharp sting on his scalp shooting straight down to his dick. He felt you flutter around him as you normally did when you were on the brink of your release. His arms quickly wrapped around you, engulfing your twitching form as you started to cum. Your eyes shut tight as you held onto his arm, trying to keep yourself grounded as he fucked you through the mind shattering ecstasy. 

“That's it. I got you baby.” He muttered in a low voice. He was set on lasting a bit longer but the way you clenched around him started to become too much. A few curses left his lips as his hips shuddered and he slammed into you one last time, painting your quivering walls with his warm cum. It was all it took to have you trembling on top of him, your own orgasm still overtaking your senses. He slid his hands over your thighs, rubbing softly as your body jerked from the short aftershocks. You leaned your head into the crook of his neck as your breaths evened out, just enjoying his touch. 

“You still with me gorgeous?” He asked as a wide grin broke out on his face. Your eyes were glazed over but you nodded, letting him know you were alright. “Good, turn around and bend over for me.” You raised a brow before standing to turn your body. You were now facing the other couple, bent at the hips as you felt some of his cum drip out of you. Jeonghan was rubbing circles around Crystal's throbbing bud while her own fingers pistoned in and out of her wet pussy. Seungcheol broke your gaze as he grabbed onto your shoulder and pulled you down into his lap, his cock slipping back into your folds.

You threw your head back as he bottomed out, keeping you full of his cum from his previous release. Your eyes fluttered closed as one of his hands intertwined with yours while the other held onto your hip. You started to push your ass back to meet his thrusts as the tip of his cock slammed against your g spot as he fucks into you.

“Did Crystal enjoy her gift?” He grunts but the only sound you produce are soft whines as his cock drags along your warm walls. “Why don't you ask her.” 

“Did you like your……fuck…your gift?” Your words basically got fucked out of you as your eyes flickered to her being bent over by your boyfriend's best friend. She gave a couple nods but her intense stare only fueled the fire that was already burning within you and Seungcheol. 

“Look at her. Seems like she enjoys watching you get fucked. Didn't know she'd be that into it. We better give her a good show then. What do you think princess?” You could even respond as the knot in your stomach grew and your second orgasm neared.

“She can be a bit of a whore sometimes. But she's a well behaved whore.” Jeonghan responded as he fell into the world of bliss, rutting into Crystal on the bed. 

Seungcheol suddenly pulled you against his chest, cock still inside you as he moved your legs over his thighs before lifting his hips to slam into you. You can feel every curve and vein of his cock at this new angle. His brutal pace rips a sinful shriek from you as you hold onto his knees to keep yourself steady, even though he’d never let you fall. He reached around you to find your clit and your head lulls back into his shoulder. His index finger and middle finger flicking at the small bud to pull another orgasm out of you. “Fuck, daddy gonna cum. Don't stop. Fuck! Please don't stop!” 

Seungcheol felt it coming before you did. The way your pussy clamped down and tried to push him out was enough to let him know of the mess that was about to occur. His hips pounded into you harder and you grabbed hold of his wrist. Your attempts to pull him away from your clit was futile as he abused the bundle of nerves until you snapped. When the dam in your stomach finally broke your mouth dropped open and you arched off of his chest. Luckily he pulled out in time to watch the rush of liquid pour out from you onto the couch and carpet below you. He let out a low grunt as he slapped his cock against your clit, prolonging the sensation of you squirting all over him. He wants to drain you of every drop. 

Crystal had her own orgasm slam down on her when she saw that you squirted. Jeonghan fucked her through it before chasing his own release soon after. 

Seungcheol pushed back into you, the coil in the pit of his stomach tightening. His thrust became erratic and you turned to pull him in a feverish kiss. He groaned against your lips and you held him close as he started to cum. His breath fanned over your face and you took the chance to slip your tongue in his parted lips while you milked his cock for all his cum. He returned the kiss as he filled you to the brim, fucking you slowly to rode out his high. You moaned as his cum spilled out with every draw of his hips before he stills inside you, using your pussy like a personal cock sleeve. After a couple of minutes you hadn't even realized that Jeonghan and Crystal had left the room and it finally dawned on you. They watched you have sex. You covered your face as Seungcheol laid his head back laughing at your sudden embarrassment. 

“It's a little late for that princess. We should probably head back out there.” You shivered as he pulled out of you, jumping slightly when his tip grazed your throbbing clit. 

“I want more.” You mumbled, against his neck, still recovering from your orgasms, embarrassment gone as quick as it came. He placed a soft kiss on your temple as he fixed his pants and your underwear. 

“Keep my cum nice and warm for me till we get home. Then I'll be happy to give you what you want.” 

[silencesscreams]

love is never logical

james potter x reader (angst)

summary: you had been james’ girlfriend for more than a year, his close relationship with his friend lily has always bothered you, specially because he would always pick her instead of you. once you find out they almost dated when they were younger, things change.

100% inspired by logical - olivia rodrigo, the beginning of the fight was inspired by the all too well short film (it was also lari’s idea because she’s a genius)

warnings: muggle au, drinking, swearing, jealousy, breaking up, fighting, shouting, mentions of younger jily, petnames (babe, love, darling), use of y/n once, mention of sex, kind of short, sad ending

special thanks to @mrsaluado for helping me and giving me ideas for this one!!!!! you’re incredible, lari!!!!

when you first started dating james, the first friend he introduced you to was lily. he said she was one of his best friends and that she was incredibly important for him. it was almost as if he said: don’t fuck it up with her. afterwards, he said she absolutely loved you, it made you feel great about yourself, but a part of you wondered what would happen if she didn’t.

there were times when you’d ask if he wanted to hang out or do something different during the weekend. most times you were too late, he was already doing something with lily, but you could come if you wanted to. you always did. you wanted to be with your boyfriend, it shouldn’t matter that his girl best friend was always around, right?

you even asked him once or twice if he ever had anything with lily, which he defensively denied every single time. most of your friends saw it as a red flag, but what could you do? you had never loved anyone like you loved james potter.

until it all fell apart.

you both had been together for a year. you were always invited to his reunions with his friends, so when he told you he was hosting a small one at his place, you were excited to go. you helped him get the house ready. you even bought appetizers.

so when his friends showed up, you tried talking to most of them, but when you got to sirius, you both ended up talking a lot.

you both had been chatting for about half an hour when he asked:

“where’s that boyfriend of yours anyway?” he took a sip from the cheap wine remus had brought.

“with lily, i think.” you say, looking down at your cup.

“really? doesn’t it bother you?” he asked innocently, like you already knew.

“no, i mean, why would it?”

“well, i’d be stressed knowing remus was so close with someone he almost dated like two years back” he casually stated. your heart could’ve just fallen to your feet then, he never told you that. sirius quickly realized he’d fucked up because of how quiet you got. “you didn’t know?” he questioned, his brows furrowed and his voice more caring now.

“oh, i did, don’t worry.” you lied, your voice quiet.

god, you felt so stupid. you had asked so many times, and he lied, he always said no.

you never thought james could hurt you like that, until he did.

“that reminds me, i have to talk to james about what time we’re putting out the dessert. i’ll be back soon.” you didn’t have to talk to him about anything. you knew that you’d bring out the dessert at 10:30. you just wanted to know what they were talking about.

“hi, babe.” he greeted you, pressing a kiss on your cheek as you sat next to him. “my two girls at the same table, how lucky am i?” he joked, but you didn’t laugh. since when was lily his girl? “sorry, that was badly phrased.” he apologized to you, chuckling and going back to lily, not bothering to insert you in the conversation.

you didn’t really mind staying quiet, he usually did that. they talked for about 10 minutes, during that time stayed quiet and didn’t even touch him, you listened to their conversation, smiling every single time she looked at you.

the night ended for you when he didn’t hold your hand. as he excitedly laughed and talked to her. you tried to interlace his fingers with yours, which he did, giving your hand a quick squeeze before letting go of it and laying it carelessly on the table.

you take a deep breath.

you count to ten.

you hold back your tears.

he had never denied your touch before. ever.

“excuse me,” you said lowly. “i’m gonna freshen up.” you fake a smile, going as quickly as possible to the bathroom. you shut the door behind you and lock it, giving the key two turns.

you can’t believe him. he couldn’t possibly be doing this to you.

you had known ever since he introduced you to her that if he had to choose it’d be her. you knew that deep down, you just didn’t believe it.

you couldn’t believe he lied like that.

he made you believe it was in your head. everything he ever said just always sounded right. how could he do that?

you weren’t going to fight. not in the middle of a party.

you look at yourself in the mirror,

inhale, exhale.

inhale, exhale.

it was fine. you’d talk to him about it later. it was probably a misunderstanding, right? you probably heard him wrong, right?

still, you took it in and kept quiet until everybody left.

james had obviously realized how mad you were when you dodged his hug in the kitchen.

“what’s wrong?” he asked, looking all sad and lonely like a wet dog. like it was your fault.

“you dropped my hand, you know that, right?” you stop and look at him, your hands hugging your own torso nervously.

“what? when?”

“when you were talking to lily.” you say, looking down.

“sorry, i don’t really remember.” he casually brushes it off. he did remember.

“did you and her ever have a thing? tell me the truth, did you ever like her romantically or anything like that?”

“god, no! why are you bringing this up again? i’ve told you before, she’s just my friend, why are you-”

“you’re lying to me.” you cut him off, staring at him.

“no, i’m not. what’s gotten into you?” he squints his eyes at you.

“why are you lying? i know you both had a thing a year before we started dating!” you didn’t want to speak loudly, but you couldn’t not raise your voice at him.

“who told you that?” he questioned quietly.

“it doesn’t matter! why did you lie to me about this?” he didn’t answer. “god, i’m so fucking stupid!” you exclaim, laughing at yourself.

“darling, stop. it’s not like that.”

“i should’ve known something was happening. you spent more time with her than with me ever since i became your girlfriend.”

“I’m not cheating on you, you have to believe me” he tried holding your face in his hands. his touch was inviting, but you pulled away.

“but you love her, don’t you?” he doesn’t answer. “how can i possibly believe you?” you ask, your eyes tearing up. you were trying to hold back the tears, but they were just begging to come out.

“i don’t know. i just need you to trust me, love. please.”

“i don’t know if i can.” you turn around, facing the refrigerator door. you rub your eyes, stressed.

“hey, james.” you call, not turning around to face him.

“yeah?” he answers, staring at your back, a confused look on his face.

“what color are lily’s eyes?” he wanted to bury himself in a hole and never come out. he knew what you were doing and he knew he’d fail.

“i don’t see how that-”

“james, what color are they?”

“green.” he replies, his voice low.

“what color are my eyes?” no answer. you can feel your stomach twist and turn. “james, what color are my eyes?” your voice was louder now.

“i don’t know.” he whispers. you started crying, and he never hated himself so much. you turn around to face him, your head moving in a ‘no’ motion as he tried hugging you. “darling, please. you’re the love of my life, stop it.”

“sure, and you’ve only ever seen her as a friend, right?!” you push him away. “i’m the love of your life and you can’t even tell me my eye color! that’s not fucking right, isn’t it?!”

“you know how much i love you!” he shouts, desperately trying to fix it.

“do i? because you never even say it anymore! hell, you don’t even hold my hand!” you shout back at him. he can’t answer you, he doesn’t know how to. he doesn’t know what to do anymore. “i’m going home.” you announce, grabbing your purse from the kitchen table and heading to his front door.

you didn’t want to leave, but you knew that if you stayed he’d probably find a way to make you believe him. he’d hug you. he’d say he was sorry and that everything would turn out okay.

that wasn’t what you wanted to hear that night, you weren’t really sure of what it was you wanted from him in that moment, but some stupid apology and sex wasn’t going to help.

“i have been your boyfriend for the past year! I haven’t been lily’s!” he exclaimed, following you. you ignored him, cleaning your tears from off your face

“you’re not being fucking logical about this, y/n!” he screamed at you, his voice strained as you open the door to his apartment.

“i guess love isn’t logical, is it?” you say, shutting the door harshly as you head out.

you stop in front of the door, waiting to see if he’d open it and try going after you. if he’d try to make you forgive him.

you waited for 15 minutes.

he didn’t do anything at all.

[duffslut]

Why'd you only call me when you're high?

Izzy Stradlin x Reader

My Masterlist.

Word Count: 873

Warnings: Angst!

Part 2 of this story here

It was another Saturday night, and you were waiting for him without wanting to, you never went to the same parties because he never invited you, but Izzy always called you when he was too drunk and had no one else to be with.

It was embarrassing for you to accept this behavior from him, but he was addictive, and over time, without you realizing it, you ended up falling in love with him, he would just show up at your house in the middle of the night, most of the time stoned or drunk, coming straight from some party.

You always let him in, because he knew how to fuck you the way you liked, even if it was just once a month, but he always looked for you. Your friends, who coincidentally were his friends too, advised you to end it before you got hurt, but it wasn't that easy for you. On the Saturday in question, as usual, you weren't sure if he would call, so to calm your nerves you decided to drink a few beers.

Not long after, all the beers in your freezer were gone, but you thought you weren't drunk enough, so you decided to open a bottle of wine and drink it straight from the bottle, as soon as the alcohol started to kick in, thoughts of Izzy invaded your mind, and you just couldn't stop wondering why he used you like that, if he really enjoyed your company, why did he only call you when he was high? It all started after you guys hooked up for the first time, but then everything got weird, you used to be friends but somehow it turned into this weird and unhealthy relationship. You couldn't help but blame yourself for letting yourself fall in love with him, knowing that he only used you for a late-night sex.

You always told yourself that the next time he called you wouldn't let him come up, that you would have the least respect for yourself and wouldn't let your body speak louder, but you always failed, as soon as you heard him say your name on the phone you were already numb.

You found yourself crying on the couch with the bottle of wine in one hand and a lit cigarette in the other, an addiction that Izzy had given you, as he always lit a cigarette after you had sex, he didn't even mind getting out of bed to do it, he never even asked if it bothered you.

You cried more and more, your chest hurt as if you were having a heart attack, why did you have to love him so much?

The phone rang.

- Can I come over? - It was the first thing he asked, and you bit your lip so hard you tasted the bitterness of blood on your tongue.

- Yes. - You said with tears rolling down your eyes.

As soon as you opened the door, Izzy already came in joining his lips to yours in a fierce kiss and taking off his jacket, without even noticing that you were crying. You kissed him back for a few seconds but then you patted his chest lightly and he pulled away.

- Izzy... - He didn't want to listen, he went back to kissing you and his hands went up your back under your shirt to take off your bra. - Izzy wait! - You said, irritated.

- What? - He asked, and then looked around and saw the empty wine bottle on the carpet. - Have you been drinking?

- Izzy I can't do this anymore. - You blurted out, and when your voice failed, he finally realized you were crying.

- Of course you can, you love it. - He said, and you couldn't believe how emotionless he was.

- No, I don't, Izzy! - You shouted. - Nobody likes this, we're not animals I am a person!

Izzy just stared at you with a confused look.

- We used to be friends, what are we now? - You said quietly, trying to calm yourself as your tears wet your shirt. - You make me feel loved for one fucking night and then you leave. - You threw yourself on the couch.

Izzy remained silent, standing in the darkness of your living room.

- Can you at least say something? - You begged. - I love you Izzy! - You said and sighed, placing your hands on your head.

- Y/n, there is no "we", do you want a definition for what we are? We are just friends with benefits, that's all. - Izzy said, and with every word he said you felt your heart shatter into a thousand pieces. - It's just sex, and I thought you enjoyed it.

You were speechless, paralyzed, feeling like the dumbest girl in the world, you couldn't move, your head hurt so much that you felt like you could die at any minute, Izzy crouched down in front of you.

- Let's go to your bed, okay? - He picked you up and you just accepted it as he walked to the bedroom with you in his arms. Izzy laid you down on the bed and went back to the living room, put on his jacket and stopped at the bedroom door.

- I need a cigarette. - He said. - I'll be right back.

But he never did.

[urcatslitterbox]

You should do a never have I ever with colby and they are home alone and get bored so they decide to drink and play it and one thing leads to another where they end up sleeping with each other and confessing their love

Never have I ever…

Colby brock x fem!reader smut

Cw: smut, daddy kink, p n v, unprotected sex (be safe!), (breeding???), let me know if I missed anything!

A/n: omg I’m so sorry this took literal years to come out. This is my first time writing something like this so I’m sorry if it sucks. Also I began writing this before sam and Katrina broke up so that’s why they are together in this.

“God I’m so bored” Colby groaned throwing himself onto the couch opposite of where I was sitting.

Sam and Katrina had gone out on a date night, leaving the house to Colby and me for the night. I was quite bored myself so I offered up a suggestion. “We could play a game?” he thought for a moment he decided it was a good idea. “Alright, like what?” he asked, “anything that involves drinking, I've had a looong week” I joked. Colby got off the couch heading into the kitchen, there was a rattling before he returned to the living room. In his hands were two wine glasses and a bottle of red. He sat on the rug of the living room and patted the floor telling me to join him. I sat down, still opposite him and he handed me a glass. “Do you have a game or are we just going to drink on the floor?” I teased. Colby smiled, filling my glass. “We're gonna play never have I ever, but instead of putting down a finger we take a drink” he said. “Ok, I'll start,” I said, thinking of what to say. “Ok never have I ever snuck out,” I said. Colby’s eyes widened slightly, “what!? You're kidding, you've never snuck out?” he asked in disbelief. I smiled knowing he would have to drink, “nope, I was a good kid” I stated. “Come on now drink up brock” I smirked, he rolled his eyes before taking a sip of his wine. “Ok, my turn, never have I ever..” he trailed off thinking of how he could get me to drink. “Called my friend to fake an emergency so I could get out of a bad date” he said with a cocky look on his face. “That's not fair you're targeting me!” Colby just laughed, signalling me to take a drink.

As the night went on Colby and I got progressively tipsier. “Ok ok I have one, never have I ever worn handcuffs for any reason” I grinned knowing for a fact that Colby has been in handcuffs, perhaps more than once. He narrowed his eyes at me before finishing off what was left in his glass. As he poured himself more he went his turn. “Since we’re playing that game, never have I ever given a lap dance” he said calmly. I felt my face flush as I took a sip from my glass. Colby’s eyebrows raised for a moment before dropping. “Never have I ever done it in a pool” I said, understanding what this had turned into. He drank from his glass before leaning closer to me. “ I find that hard to believe y/n/n” he said quietly. I returned the gesture, leaning in as well, not wanting to seem intimidated by our close proximity. “Just because you can't keep it in your pants and have to have sex everywhere doesn't mean everyone else does too” I teased. Colby scoffed, “ok, never have I ever masturbated when people are home” he said. I felt my face get hot, I didn't think anyone was home when I did, but I was wrong. “Well, never have I ever listened in on someone you creep” I fought. He just smirked, “it's hard not to when you make those pretty sounds” he whispered, staring into my eyes. My cheeks were on fire at this point, I looked away to avoid his intense gaze. “Never have I ever wanted to kiss you so badly..” I heard him say. I looked back at him our faces mere centimetres apart. I leaned closer closing the gap between us in a soft kiss. Colby held my head in place as he deepened the once-soft kiss turning it into something hotter.

We made out sloppily, the wine and game long forgotten. Colby began to lean me back onto the rug, moving his lips to my neck. He sucked deep bruises from my neck to my collar before kissing back up to my ear. My breath got deeper as my heart raced. Truth be told I've liked Colby for some time now and the fact that he was on top of me made my core heat up. I let out soft whimpers as I tugged on his shirt wanting it off. He pulled away ripping his shirt off of him before heading towards mine. He looked to confirm that I was ok with this, I nodded wanting to feel him already. He practically tore it off of me then my pants followed, adding to the mess of clothes in the room. Colby sat back admiring me. I began to feel self conscious and tried to hide my body. “Don’t hide yourself from me, you’re so beautiful”, he whispered as he grabbed my arms that were shielding my body. He kissed me passionately and his lips trailed down to my breast. He pulled my nipple into his mouth sucking harshly. I moaned at the feeling as he did the same to the other one. “God baby I’m so hard for you..I need to be inside you, I can’t wait any longer.” He groaned lining the head of his cock up with entrance. He pushed in slowly allowing me to adjust to his length. I hissed at the stretch as he bottomed out. “Fuuuck” he breathed into my ear. “Colby.. please..” I whined. “What baby? Use your words” he teased. “Please fuck me” I said looking into his eyes. Somehow his eyes got even darker at my words before he spoke. “Don’t have to ask me twice princess” he growled before thrusting hard into me. I moaned loudly as he rocked his hips into mine aggressively. I clawed at his muscular back as I started to loose grip on reality. He was so big and deep I could barely take it. “Oh god Colby yes!” I moaned as he pounded into me even harder. “Fuck yeah take it baby…god you’re so tight gonna make me cum” he groaned. “Want daddy to cum inside your pretty pussy? Make you mine?” He growled, speeding up. I moaned in response, my walls clenching around him as I grew closer to cumming. “Yes daddy please! G- gonna cum daddy so close!” I panted. “Me too baby it’s alright, let go cum on daddy cock” he grunted burying his face in my neck. I all but screamed his name as I came undone around his cock. He thrusted a few more times before I felt his warm cum fill me. He pulled out and held me close to him, both of us panting as we came down from our highs.

I closed my eyes as we laid there cuddled together on the carpet. “Y/n” he breathed into my neck. “Mhm” I mumbled, too tired to form a coherent sentence. “I I really like you. I have for a long time now” he confessed. At that my eyes snapped open. “Colby-“ I tried but he interrupted me. “I know you probably don’t feel the same and this was a one time thing bu-“ I cut him off smashing my lips onto his, kissing him with everything I had. All the pent up feelings I had towards him pouring out through the kiss. When we pulled away he looked at me confused , his lips red and swollen. “Colby, I like you too moron” I giggled. His expression went from confused to sheer love in a matter of seconds. “Good because now that I’ve had a taste I’m not letting you go” he promised, kissing me again.

[the-authors118]

Lucerys Velaryon x Aunt/Reader

Pov: Lucerys is engaged to his aunt Y/n. A pact that the two houses will never quarrel.

A/n: In this story Lucerys is 16 and Y/n is 15 (She is the last born daughter of Alicent and Viserys) I'm not into that incest thing but that's how the Targaryens did it.

Warnings: Pure fluff, innocent children kissing for the first time, Aegon remains Aegon (He asks if Lucerys needs help yk yk) Tagaryen incest, nephew x aunt, Lucerys becomes jealous.

______________________

"A toast to the marriage of Lucerys and Y/n and that our houses remain united" The king brought this toast and everyone took a sip. Meanwhile you looked at Lucerys and smiled at him, which he returned.

The music started playing and everyone was happy. Jaeherys danced with Helaena, Aegon drank one wine after the other and Aemond looked at Lucerys. It was a hateful look which is why Luce broke this eye contact.

Aegon put an arm around Luce's shoulder and whispered, "but You know how the act goes? I mean where to put your cock and all?" You didn't notice anything because you are now keeping contact with Aemond's eyes to know what's going on. Aegon stood up and went to his sister to refill his glass. "If he can't satisfy you, you can always come to me. We'll let him watch too." Now you notice it and Lucerys slammed his fist on the table and stood up "A toast, To my uncles, we haven't seen each other since childhood, I will name our children after you both" Aemond clenched his hand into a fist and Luce turned to Aegon "Don't speak like that to my fiancée" (I would say Lucerys ate this)

The main course was served and a roasted pig was placed in front of Aemond. Lucerys grinned at it and Aemond slammed a knife on the table. Everyone looked at him and Jaeherys stopped dancing. "One last toast to my nephews, as I said we haven't seen each other in a long time" Alicent already knew what he was going to say and warned him with a look "but you have grown into good looking, young STRONG guys" Jaeherys takes a step closer "Say that again" Aemond grinned "You are strong bastards" Jace wanted to attack Aemond but was pushed to the ground and Lucerys was slammed onto the table by Aegon.

That night ended in an argument and you were all sent to bed. Aemond followed you closely "You really want to marry a bastard? Please sister marry me, that's much better" slap. Aemond held his hand on his cheek shocked about what happened. "I'm going to marry him Aemond! Grow up and accept it" With these words you left.

Lucerys was still awake when I secretly entered his room. He was sitting on his bed with his back was against the wall and looked at me. Before I closed the door I listened again to see if anyone had seen or heard me It was quiet. So I climbed onto his bed and sat down in front of him. "I'm really sorry for what my brothers did..." You apologize Luce shook his head "you have nothing to do with that Y/n" they looked at each other. "It's very quiet, nobody noticed me"

"Is Aemond drunk or why is he not paying attention to you anymore?" Lucerys laughed "Definitely not, he doesn't even drink wine at family celebrations, and that must be crazy, even I took a sip out of boredom once" "How cheeky of you," Lucerys grinned, showing his cheeky, cute dimples. You smile too. "Do you think Aegon is right? That I cannot satisfy you?" You blushed "Luce... don't say that" he leaned forward and brushed a strand of hair from your face. "Why not?" You felt dizzy, probably because your heart was about to shoot out. "And yet you read such scenes in books, in the bathtub, completely secretly and naked."

It took a moment for you to realize what he had just said "You idiot" you hit him with a pillow "How do you know?" Lucerys also blushed "The day I was waiting for you, I found a book by your bathtub... The page was open and-" You cover his mouth and blush "that's enough" You both started laughing and only after what felt like an eternity were you able to stop. The sudden silence felt strange, apparently Luce thought so too because he was the first to speak again. "Y/n, do you know that-" but instead of finishing the sentence, he leaned forward. His breath brushed warmly across my cheeks. It feels like a gentle breeze on beautiful summer days... "I wish it were now" he breathed heavily "what would be now?" You ask quietly.

Lucerys grabbed your hand, time stood still and it felt endless, and suddenly their lips touched, First very gently, then more and more firmly. It felt like a scene in one of your books, no... Better than in the book! The kiss made butterflies fly in your stomach. You feel his hands wandering over your head. Slowly you both let yourselves fall back, your lips never leaving each other.

No wait, not before the wedding... He stroked your cheek and deepened the kiss. How did he learn that?? You ask yourself but your thoughts are flying around right know. Your body felt hot so you pressed your legs together. When he stopped kissing you, you lay under him, gasping for air. You were both red as tomatoes "Sorry Y/n I- I don't know what that was" he gave you some freedom "I didn't mean that" Lucerys was worried because you didn't say anything else "It's okay Luce," you sit up and take his hand.

"It was beautiful" you whisper "I think Aegon lied about the satisfy thing" you giggled as you stood up "Goodnight my prince" You look at him one more time before disappearing into your own room. Lucerys lay down on his bed and touched his lips. They were tingling and warm. "Please marry me as soon as possible Y/n Targaryen... I want to make you mine" He whispered and then slowly fell asleep.

_________________

Write to me if you have new ideas or wishes:))

(I'm currently working on a Davos Blackwood one shot)

[savagewildnerness]

"Ah, you are a dreamer!" he said, but he was delighted. He was beyond handsome when he smiled.

"And I'll know people like you," I went on. "People who have thoughts in their heads and quick tongues with which to voice them, and we'll sit in cafes and we'll drink together and we'll clash with each other violently in words, and we'll talk for the rest of our lives in divine excitement."

He reached out and put his arm around my neck and kissed me. We almost upset the table we were so blissfully drunk.

"My lord, the wolfkiller," he whispered. When the third bottle of wine came, I began to talk of my life, as I'd never done before-of what it was like each day to ride out into the mountains, to go so far I couldn't see the towers of my father's house anymore, to ride above the tilled land to the place where the forest seemed almost haunted. The words began to pour out of me as they had out of him, and soon we were talking about a thousand things we had felt in our hearts, varieties of secret loneliness, and the words seemed to be essential words the way they did on those rare occasions with my mother.

And as we came to describe our longings and dissatisfactions, we were saying things to each other with great exuberance, like "Yes, yes," and "Exactly," and "I know completely what you mean," and "And yes, of course, you felt that you could not bear it," etc. Another bottle, and a new fire. And I begged Nicolas to play his violin for me. He rushed home immediately to get it. It was now late afternoon. The sun was slanting through the window and the fire was very hot. We were very drunk. We had never ordered supper. And I think I was happier than I had ever been in my life.

I lay on the lumpy straw mattress of the little bed with my hands under my head watching him as he took out the instrument. He put the violin to his shoulder and began to pluck at it and twist the pegs. Then he raised the bow and drew it down hard over the strings to bring out the first note. I sat up and pushed myself back against the paneled wall and stared at him because I couldn't believe the sound I was hearing. He ripped into the song. He tore the notes out of the violin and each note was translucent and throbbing. His eyes were closed, his mouth a little distorted, his lower lip sliding to the side, and what struck my heart almost as much as the song itself was the way that he seemed with his whole body to lean into the music, to press his soul like an ear to the instrument. I had never known music like it, the rawness of it, the intensity, the rapid glittering torrents of notes that came out of the strings as he sawed away. It was Mozart that he was playing, and it had all the gaiety, the velocity, and the sheer loveliness of everything Mozart wrote. When he'd finished, I was staring at him and I realized I was gripping the sides of my head.

"Monsieur, what's the matter!" he said, almost helplessly, and I stood up and threw my arms around him and kissed him on both cheeks and kissed the violin.

"Stop calling me Monsieur," I said. "Call me by my name." I lay back down on the bed and buried my face on my arm and started to cry, and once I'd started I couldn't stop it. He sat next to me, hugging me and asking me why I was crying, and though I couldn't tell him, I could see that he was overwhelmed that his music had produced this effect. There was no sarcasm or bitterness in him now. I think he carried me home that night. And the next morning I was standing in the crooked stone street in front of his father's shop, tossing pebbles up at his window. When he stuck his head out, I said:

"Do you want to come down and go on with our conversation?"

The start & the end…

[littlesunshine1223]

Hello

I would like to order Hamilton (Smut)

Something like John Laurens x fem.reader in a modern au and they are a couple and live together but their relationship is too complicated because John is too jealous and the reader is someone with a lot of friends and they have too many arguments.

In one of those discussions they stop talking and ignore each other, then the reader goes to a party with the Schuyler sisters and dresses up looking very sexy just to bother John.

The reader returns late at night and a little drunk and they start to discuss why he believes that she was unfaithful to him and she just to bother says that it is true (although it is a lie).She complains to him out of jealousy but he just doesn't want her to leave him for someone better.

I don't know how to explain, but do they reconcile?

Sorry, I'm embarrassed 🥹😅

Cruel Jealousy

John Laurens X FEM!Reader (modern au)

(TW: smut, swearing, jealous sex, slight mention of alcohol, etc)

“I can’t believe you! All you ever do is piss me off! Did you really think I wouldn’t notice the way you were hanging all over my friends?!” John yelled at you.

You rolled your eyes at him. It was another fight, the same argument over every little thing you did when he was around.

“Do Not roll your eyes at me Y/N! You’re half drunk and it’s nearly 2 in the morning. Also that dress you’re fucking wearing is way too revealing, some random guy could’ve coped a feel at any point!” John once again exclaimed upon your non-listening ears.

Your mind felt fuzzy from the couple glasses of wine you’d drank at the party as you chatted with the Schuyler sisters. John continued to rant about how what you’re wearing is revealing and how you were supposedly flirting with his friends. But he didn’t know what really happened, as you were walking over to get another drink you accidentally slipped over the bottom of your dress and Hamilton caught you before you hit the ground. In John’s eyes he saw you hanging all over Alexander, he didn’t know the full story and wasn’t letting you explain what actually happened.

You snapped back to reality when you heard him exclaim that he thinks you were cheating on him with his friends. “What made you think that I’d ever cheat on you?!” You asked him in disbelief. He looked at you with his eyes brimmed in tears, “You’ve ignored me for the past two days, you wear clothes that practically show off everything, and all you do is hang all over everyone you come close to like they’re a damn playground! So just tell me, tell me the truth…have you been seeing someone else?!”

You thought for a moment before answering. Your drunken thoughts only fueled the flames of the argument when you told him that you had slept with his three best friends.

He looked at you in disbelief for a moment but once he snapped out of his gaze he heard you complaining how none of his best friends didn’t take you back to their houses after the party. You saying this made something inside John’s mind snap as he was pushed over the edge. He walked towards you angrily, grabbing you roughly and pinning you to the wall. His lips found yours hungrily. The kiss slowly became a makeout session until he pulled away. “You’re lying right through your fucking teeth.” He purred into your ear seductively.

His hands slipped from your hips to your thighs, one hand slipping between your legs. His fingers and palm rubbed you through your pants which made you moan for him from the friction. “You like that baby? You like pissing me off just so I’m rough with you? Bet you want me to fuck you like a whore. If you wanted me to touch you so bad then get on your knees and suck me off. Clearly you wanted a dick down your throat since you were flirting up my friends.” He smirked as you slipped down to your knees. You unzipped his pants and tugged them down along with his boxers to reveal his nod fully hard erection.

You licked some pre that was oozing from his shaft which made him let out a shaky breath. “Stop teasing me and just suck it properly.” He warns in an irritated tone but seconds later you take him into your mouth properly and suck as hard as you can, causing him to let out a gasp which faded into a moan. The more you bobbed your head and ran your tongue over his sensitive skin the more he tugged at your hair and thrusted his hips into your mouth.

“Damn baby, feel so fucking good.” He whined as his hips kept bucking into your mouth. His sounds of pleasure kept getting more desperate and slightly higher in tone as you continued to suck him off. After a few moments passed he came down your throat with a broken moan. “Baby, go back to the bedroom and strip. I’ll be in there in a minute.” He whispered into your ear seductively. You do as he says and walk back to your shared bet room. You strip your clothes off and lay spread out on the bed, legs open and hands behind your head.

John walks in after a few moments and immediately positions himself between your legs. He tossed his clothes off and grabbed the lube from the nightstand before lubing up his still erect cock and pushing it deep inside you. Both of you let out sounds of pleasure but you had to admit that the stretch from his girth stung a little bit. He noticed your whimpers nearly immediately and kisses you deeply. “It’s alright y/n, I’ll wait till you’re ready for me to move.” He continues to kiss all over your face until you tell him you’re ready. The seconds you tell him that he starts thrusting slow and deep, not wanting to overdo it too soon.

A couple moments pass and his thrusts get rougher and you swear you feel him in your stomach from how deep he is. Your moans and sounds of pleasure only fuel his thrusts and make him throw his head back with a groan of your name as he pounds you oh so harder. “Hell, maybe if I get you pregnant then you’ll stop whoring around with my friends. You’ll look good all stuffed and swollen because of me.” He rambled as his mind got fuzzier and fuzzier from how hard you’re squeezing his aching hardness inside you.

The pleasure was becoming too much as you got closer and closer to your climax. You felt his hands grabbing at your own, after getting a hold on your hands he holds them and ruts into you deeper and harder. “C-Close!~ Jo-John!~” you moan before hitting your peak and cumming around his cock when it was balls deep inside you. John throws his head back with a moan before he pulls out with a wet pop noise and cums on your chest with a whimper as his eyes rolled back for a second or two.

He lays on the bed next to you, both of you panting. “Did you mean what you said?” You turn your head to face him. “Did I mean what?” “Did you mean what you said about getting me pregnant just to make sure everyone knows I’m yours?” Johns face went red at the question but after he over came his embarrassment he kissed you and nodded. “I hate when other people look at you like they’re just waiting to pounce. I just…I don’t want you getting hurt. I love you too much to just stand around while you tease some other random person.” He explains to you. You couldn’t help but kiss him deeply on the lips while snuggling closer. “Here babe, I’ll go get a rag to clean us up then-” he offered but you cut him off. “Who said we were done?” A smirk formed on his face before he kissed you deeper than ever and pinned you down to the bed.

It was going to be a long night…

[lemonykoo]

let me get my husband for you! - diluc

Pairing: Husband!Diluc x Wife!Reader

Genre: Fluff! Female reader.

Word Count: 1.4k

Notes: You decided to visit Diluc at the tavern as he worked – somewhat a rare occasion – and a new Mondstadt resident has to learn the hard way that you’re not available. Warnings: guys are weird lmao and they say out of pocket things sometimes (also the ending sucks lmao)

It was a typical night at Angel’s Share tavern. It was definitely busy, as expected from a weekend with many of the knights and guild members coming in and out after a long day of work, as the same with regular citizens as well. It wasn’t even close to closing, so everyone was loud and in good spirits and drinks were handed out by, what seemed like, the dozen. You were one of those patrons, though you didn’t exactly spend all day fighting off hilichurls or taking care of problems that were more of a topic for the knights. Much like your husband, you yourself was somewhat of a business owner as you had taken on your parent’s family business that had, of course, been handed down to them many years ago. Today was busy for you, as you had to get up early and deal with meetings and other tasks all day long. With that being said, you also needed a breather from the stress of the day! Not only that, but you hadn’t seen Diluc at all today except for when you two departed in the morning, so you just couldn’t wait until late tonight to see your handsome husband. While you weren’t usually one for loud drunks or even alcohol itself, you did make rare appearances in the tavern just to surprise your husband and say a few hellos to people you knew that frequented the establishment. And even if you didn’t know many of the customers personally, they all knew you as the tavern owner’s wife – or better yet, just that you were married to the Diluc Ragnvinder – so a spot at the bar would be cleared just for you, no questions asked. So when you walked in tonight, your nice clothes still on from your earlier meetings, a barstool that had once been occupied by a member of the Adventurer’s Guild opened up with your name written all over it.

You’d always start off with a glass of wine and it would always been the finest (and on the house) because Diluc would always been delighted to see you. (The shine in his eyes and warm smile would always make an appearance as soon as he noticed you.) Even if he couldn’t always talk to you since he was busy, having your presence was enough. You’d normally chat with someone else, like Rosaria who was seated next to you tonight, so you weren’t alone or just awkwardly sitting and waiting for your husband to find the time to say something to you. And in hindsight, you guess that was why newcomers didn’t always catch on that you and the winery owner were married. The drink he’d slide over to you could just be because you were a frequent customer, right? At least, that’s what the guy that sat on the other side of you thought, because once he saw an opportunity pop up, he struck up a conversation with you.

“I don’t normally see a pretty lady like you in here alone,” he greeted, drawing your attention away from your friend on your other side.

To be fair, you knew it was best to not play along with these people. However, when your husband was just across the bar, lost in his own world of serving and cleaning, you couldn’t help it. After all, it was a little amusing to see the looks on people’s faces when they realized that not only were you already taken, but you were taken by the uncrowned king of Mondstadt. “Well, I decided it was time to finally make an appearance here,” you joked, your voice a little louder than normal so the man could hear you over the other rowdy patrons. You would never explicitly flirt with them or lead them on, but instead answer their questions and engage in what little chit-chat you could before having to play a damsel in distress and have your husband make them aware that you weren’t available. (As if the wedding ring on your finger didn’t already say that, but who was paying attention to it, anyways?)

“Let me guess,” the guy started, very obviously checking you out before smirking. You could tell he was already teetering on the edge of being completely drunk. “Your husband’s out of town? Because any guy with you would be smart enough to keep you at home, ya know?”

You looked off in feign thought, humming. “I’m not sure I do know, actually. Enlighten me.”

He smirked. “Well, obviously. You’re beautiful so every guy is going to want you. Or, are you trying to get away from him? That’s it, isn’t it?” He took a sip from his glass before gesturing toward yours. “Let me buy you drink.”

“Oh, no thank you, I haven’t even finished this one,” you said, showing how your cup had over half still. Besides, even if it was close to being empty, you could only manage about one full glass before becoming a bit too tipsy yourself.

“Listen,” he stated, turning more toward you. “I’d be more than willing to let you out of whatever situation your old man at home has got you tied up in, whether it be for tonight-” he hiccupped, “- or for however long you want it to be. In fact, if you want me to tell him how it isn’t fair that he’s not letting you get out and let yourself go as a pretty lady like you should, I will!”

“You will?” you asked, placing a hand to your chest, giving him a kind smile. “That’s so kind of you. Actually, my husband is here tonight.”

The guy blinked before quickly looking around. “Really?” he asked, his eyes returning to yours. “Well, point him out to me and I’ll give him a piece of my mind and then you and me can have a great night together.”

You smiled bigger, your eyes twinkling. You could feel Rosaria giving you confused looks as you faked searching for this mystery husband of yours before exclaiming a silent “oh!” and leaning toward the bar. “Hey, honey! This guy wants to talk to you!”

And this is exactly why you liked being a little meanie and playing with flirts like this. Because as soon as Diluc turned around from his task at hand, a look of question on his face as he made his way over to you to see what was going on, all life seemed to drain from the man that once really wanted to take you out two seconds ago. “What can I do for you?” your husband, who actually treated you very well, asked innocently, unaware of the interaction you had just been having.

“Uh, I just uh, wanted to you tell you that your wine is fantastic. Best wine I’ve ever had, really,” the man lied, his face beginning to turn a shade of red similar to your husband’s hair. “Unfortunately, I think I might have had just a little too much tonight and I have to go home.” Before Diluc could say thanks and wish him a safe return home, the man abruptly slipped out of his seat and took off out the door. The pyro user turned to see you and Rosaria snickering like someone had told you two the best joke in the world. He suddenly caught on and sighed.

“Y/N, you have got stop scaring my customers like that,” he chided, moving to stand more in front of you. He placed his elbows on the countertop and held out his hands for you to take, which you did immediately. It was a little habit you two had whenever Diluc had enough time to talk to you while working. He’d rub his calloused fingers over the soft skin of your knuckles as you two would talk, dreamily gazing into your eyes as if he couldn’t get enough of you (because, really, he couldn’t).

“I’m not scaring them away. I’m sure he’ll be back,” you giggled. “He’ll just know better than to hit on me next time! If I left it up to you, then they would be scared away and there wouldn’t be a next time.”

Well, Diluc couldn’t argue with that logic. In fact, the customers he had gotten onto himself for flirting with you hadn’t been back since. There were only a couple of them, and those time had been when you had gotten a little drunk yourself and weren’t too aware of the intentions of others. Besides, he found it amusing how much enjoyment you got out of showing off your spouse. But, he wouldn’t outright admit to that, of course.

[eeulysian]

ha. ha. ha. since ur requests are open.. I'll be requesting a fic for my beloved, chelsea from path to nowhere. writer!reader who makes novels and chelsea is interested in reader's works hehejwheueh.. he.. heh.. ok neways ^_^ chelsea then gives reader an opportunity to make their works more popular!!!.. if tjat makes sense idk but!!! in exchange, chelsea gets to have reader for herself! then reader is tempted but they'll make money from it so.. yah. in other words, this is kind of like idk prostitution— but i promise if u word it in a different way, it's ok... this happened to me in a dream btw

(heh.. nsfw.. if that's ok.. idk im kinda down bad for chelsea since shes my gf)

⟡ . IRRATIONAL COMPENSATION

summary: all in the request above!

cw: afab!reader, developing smut, oral and fingering (f!receiving), dom/sub dynamics, chelsea is a flirt, did i make it too long... chelsea is a squirter change my mind

a/n: i wouldn't call it prostitution? maybe compensation is a better word!! and i'm sorry if this isn't good enough, its my first time making smut 😞 and i think i went overboard and made it too long... soz i was too into it 💔💔

WRITING used to be a hobby for you, you used to be that wattpad kid that would make those alpha vampire boyfriend and the sheltered white girl kind of fics. but as you grew older, you began to take your hobby seriously, and it became a dream for you to become a novelist. so of course, you were able to get yourself into a publishing house, making yourself an official author. the only problem is, the publishing house is really unknown, so none of your works were able to make it big. you only had about like what — 50 or so fans/readers? yeah, even though you were grateful that they read your works, a part of you still wishes for the numbers to magically increase by the coming days.

you thought there was no hope for you, your works and your dreams, so you decide to drown yourself in alcohol, hoping to forget all your worries. so you went to a bar to get yourself a drink. then a second. then a third. then a fourth. then a fifth.

when is this going to end?

oh you were soooo depressed, no matter how many shots you took, your worries couldn't get out of your head. "i'm about to lose it," you think. not until a sultry voice called out to you from your right. "hey cutie, you seem to be stressed. what's the matter?"

you hastily turn to your right to find the source of the silky voice, and your (e/c) orbs meets with ones that are as red as wine. not to mention, her hair was pink. oh fuck. pink. pink hair??? you had a thing for pink haired girls. and this girl made you weak to the knees. it's probably because you're a little tipsy, but right there at that moment you wished you could kiss her oh so annoyingly, attractive red lips. this woman was downright beautiful and it's amazing how only her voice made you forget your worries.

she waves her hand infront of your face, trying to get your attention "hello? earth to... what's your name?" she chuckles, and at that moment you realized you've been too lost in your thoughts so you look like you've been staring at her for quite some time now... how embarrassing. "oh, m'sorry i think i'm just a little tipsy right now hahaaa... i'm y/n. andddddd you? beautiful lady?" what the fuck y/n why did you say that you're WAY too drunk to be flirting with gorgeous ladies right now you could trip and laugh it off like it's nothing in this state what is wrong —

your thoughts were cut off by her honey voice yet again once you hear her laugh ring in your ears. she laughs at your attempt to flirt even in such a state, but she replies nonetheless. "just call me chelsea. so tell me, what has made you so stressed, that you have to take about 5 or more shots of alcohol at once? are you a divorcee or a widow? work problems?", she asks you, curious to see if she's able to help you. what a kind beautiful lady. "the last one you just said", you managed to let out, and averted eye contact to not look at her. "i'm a failed novelist... ugh. i can't even get any of my works to be a hit. it's always just a 2-digit-amount of people reading them. i'm not saying i'm ungrateful, i just wish it was more popular." you sounded so exhausted, so worn out, and so stressed. chelsea felt bad, and she was trying to think of a way to console you.

then an idea came in. "how about this", you turn your head around to look at her again once she said that. "i'm quite rich, and i have a big social media platform as well. i could promote your works for you so your works can do numbers", your eyes lit up at that sentence, "but in exchange, i get you." then your eyes widened. confused on what she meant. "you get me in exchange...?" you were baffled. "yes, meaning i get to have a one night stand with you... or you can even just be mine straight away~" she smirks, looking at you dead in the eye. at that moment you noticed her eyes are filled with lust and desire.

oh that sentence, that smirk, the way those eyes look at you, you were sobered up. the bustling sound of chatting and laughing of other bar customers goes deaf in your ears, you're only focused on this pink haired woman and the loud beating of your heart. why is your heart beating so fast do you have arrhythmia? "so, what do you say?", she asks you again, and all the thoughts are running in your head. this might be a bad idea... but your co workers don't have to know, right? i mean, you're tempted. tempted to make your works a hit, and tempted to spend a night with this beautiful, enchanting woman.

at last, you decided to go with the latter, and accept her offer. "... okay. i'll accept that exchange." you hesitantly said, and all you see is a wolf-like smile infront of you. you can't deny that the way she looks at you is kinda... turning you on. "good girl." you flushed at that sentence. you look like the equivalent of a tomato right now. she called you a good girl? oh fuck you could even get on your knees for this woman.

"give me a copy of one of your best works, and i'll read it when i'm home. after that, i'll tell you if i like it and promote it for you. but you'll have to give me your number first so i can let you know how it goes," she winks, she is a woman of her word indeed. "if it turns out to be successful, then i can give you my address and you can come over... after all, our exchange can't be one sided, right? ♡" you were still blushing, but i mean... popular works? money? pretty girlfriend? you were more than happy to comply. you two exchanged numbers, and luckily you coincidentally brought your best work in your bag to read it when you get home, so you gave her your book, which was about a highschool slowburn romance, the characters are too happy so expect them to be doomed by the narrative because you're evil just like that lmao. you told her she didn't have to worry, as this is just a copy and you have all your original works at home.

she took the book, and you said "i'll be waiting for the results then, tell me if you like it and if you're able to promote it", you laugh sheepishly, kind of embarrassed how a beautiful woman is helping you and not you helping the beautiful woman instead. "of course, i'll read it in my free time and tell you how it goes~," she says in a sultry, flirtatious tone. you could only laugh nervously. "get home safely now," she leans in close to you to give you a peck on the cheek, and it left a faint red lipstick stain. you couldn't even talk at all, you were left shocked, baffled, flustered, shy, embarrassed, confused. girlfailure moment

✧༺♡༻✧

almost 2 weeks have passed, and you were procrastinating in your room because it was your day off. you were playing games, reading books and eating. at this moment you're watching a show of your choice on netflix on your laptop, but alas your peaceful moment was disturbed by a loud buzzing from your phone. "who the hell is calling me?", you said, clearly annoyed because whoever is calling you just ruined your netflix and chill time. probably your best friend or a co worker ready to bother you.

but the name you see on your phone is "chelsea", so you just had to pause your show because you just knew it was about your novel. you hesitantly answered the phone, and the first thing you hear is "hey cutie, i just finished reading your book", she says through the phone, and you swallow, scared of how she thinks of it. "... and i have to say, your writing is quite impressive, the way you organize the storyline and give your characters so much personality," you smile at the compliment, though she can't see it, so you say "really?", hoping she hears how happy you are.

"yes, so it's safe to say i can promote your name and your work on my social media. but even so if i ended up not liking it, my interest for you would have not gone away anyways." she says, followed with an attractive giggle that has your heart going crazy. but you're very ecstatic nonetheless, because you know your works are about to get popular after she promotes it. yes bitch get that bag

"thank you for helping me, i really appreciate it. i'm sorry i had to trouble you over my own work problems." you answer her, apologetic for dragging her into your personal matters. "don't worry about it baby, i'm happy to help. but please do remember..."

"that if you want to pay me back, then you'd have to pay back with you, and only you."

you remembered the exchange you had with her. and you become red, whether it's about the pet name, or the agreement you guys had. "oh, right... uhm, what do you want me to do then? come over?", you asked. "yes. that's exactly what i want. i'll text you my address. i'll be waiting, hot stuff~", and that's where you know you're going to have the time of your life. whew

✧༺♡༻✧

you finally arrived at her house. damn it was a nice house. 2 storey, clean, shiny and modern, and you can tell theres a pool in the backyard. you check your phone, it's 8:32 PM right now. you knocked on the door 3 times, no answer. you knocked again, another 3 times. then the door swings open, and you're met with those red wine eyes and luscious pink hair again. and you notice that she's wearing one of those... dress-type lingeries. you were sure you were at your last percentage of sanity because of it.

"hey, it's been a while." she gives you a silent giggle. "it certainly has been. well uhm, how have you been? did you post anything about my works?", you asked her, i mean you were eager to know if your work is gonna do numbers and hoping you'll wake up to your works getting sold out by tomorrow. "oh, straight to the point... is your work more important than me?", she answers, clearly sarcastic with the way she immediately laughs right after. you panic slightly, but before you could protest, she talks once again. "don't worry, my post about your book is already going viral, so expect all your works to get sold out tomorrow and your publishing house flourishing overall~"

once you heard that, you were glad you met this woman by a miracle. but oh, you shouldn't forget the deal you made with her. "thank you so much, really. i appreciate it. but so um, about the deal...", you say weakly, heart beginning to pound fast in your chest and you try to avert eye contact with her. but yet again, she always manages to catch your attention, and she pulls your face closer to hers, making you look into her eyes.

"mhm, and you remember what you have to pay with, right?~", she says with her red blood pupils looking right into your (e/c) ones, by now it's obvious how eager she is to devour you whole. you swallow, sweat falling down your neck, and you look flushed. "yes... i guess i shouldn't make our exchange to be one sided."

and with that, she pulls you inside her house, shutting the door and crashes her lips onto yours. she pulls you slowly to her kitchen while sloppily making out with you, and you feel like you're on fire. you want to please this woman, and make her feel so good. you start taking the lead for a bit and push her onto a counter, continuing to make out tongue to tongue with her. she wraps her hand around your shoulders and hair, moaning in between your kisses and grinding on your thigh... and that was when you can tell that she's quite... damp.

"mmhh hah~", she pulls away from the kiss to look at you with hazy eyes, "i want you to... go down on your knees, and eat me out." she manages to let out breathlessly, "i want you to please me, and be a good pet for me." you could only nod quietly. even if it means getting on your knees and barking like a dog just to marry this woman, you would do it anyways.

you slowly get down on your knees while she sits still on top of the counter, spreading her legs to give you easier access. you reach out for the hem of her pantie lingerie, slowly pulling it down. by the moment her pantie reaches her thigh, her pussy juices made a thin bridge with the inside of her pantie, which was an erotic sight for you and turned you on even more. that thin bridge was cut off the moment you pulled her pantie down completely and threw it onto the floor. gripping her thighs and spreading them a little wider, you lean it to give her aching clit a kiss. you earn a shocked gasp from the pink haired woman above you, shuddering the moment you made contact with her pussy.

you lick her slit, going down then up to her clit again and start flicking your tongue on it at a pace that's not too fast, but fast enough to make her throw her head back. she takes ahold of your hair and grips it slightly and whimpering your name, letting you know how good you're making her feel. you decide to push your tongue inside her tight velvety walls, and she almost puts you into a headlock with her milky thighs all because it was too sudden. you thrust your tongue into her in and out, constantly hitting her g spot. "ahmm...! ughmnggh... y-you're doing so good, hah! keep goinggghhngg..", she manages to blurt out weakly, mindlessly grinding her hips to meet your tongue, you can tell she was close from the way her moans started sounding more louder, the grip on your hair tightened and her walls started spasming a lot more than earlier. but you only ended up pulling your tongue out last minute and you were greeted with a disappointed whine. "why did you do that?", she looks at you, face so fucked out, but she's still a little angry even in a state like this.

you smirked at her, and went back down to kiss her clit and flick your tongue on it. she went back to moaning and whimpering, but what she didn't expect is you shoving a finger inside her and slowly thrusting it in and out, receiving a choked moan from her. you added another finger inside, and curled them. chelsea lets out a loud cry and her breathing starts getting more ragged and unstable, her thighs starting to shake uncontrollably. "ah! mmpleaseeee pleasepleasepleaseplease— fasterrrrhngmnhhh...", and the constant chanting of your name was all you could hear until she started squirting all over, onto your face and to the floor. at this point, the countertop was dripping wet with her juices, and it's slippery. one wrong move, she could accidentally fall down and injure herself. you wait for her to calm down from her high, getting up and holding her by the waist to stable her.

leaning into her neck and giving her kisses, relishing in the her rose scented perfume, mixed along with the smell of sweat and sex. she snakes her hand up to your neck, and kisses you, soft and chaste. pulling back, she could only say "i didn't know you were skilled like that... you really did good, cutie ♡", and you give her a promising smile, one that made her heart flutter and look at you with hearts in her eyes.

© 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸𝘀 𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝘆 𝗲𝗲𝘂𝗹𝘆𝘀𝗶𝗮��. 𝗽𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗱𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗮𝗹, 𝗿𝗲𝘄𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝗼𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘁.

another a/n: finally i'm done!! one of my longest fics yet... let me know if i made any mistakes or my writing was too long, sloppy or rushed. once again it's my first time making smut, sorry if i disappointed you! :( i'll do better next time ❤

[astolfofo]

deja vu, Jamis vu

BSD beast au x reader. Based on the end of the beast movie.  AUTHORS NOTE: SO. ITS FINALLY DONE. ITS 4AM I AM ON IPAD TUMBLR AND UHHHH… I tried to edit this. but. TUMBLR WAS BEING AN ASS. and the two hours I spent editing this went down the drain. Mere words could not describe the grief I felt at 3:37 in the morning. I would have screamed if I weren’t so zombieified. Then, I tried to be paitent and edit it another time, but tumblr was like: haha no. so it didn’t save. I swear it’s not my fault if you have a stroke while reading this. I sacrificed my sleep for an entire week to do write this. Please give me some credit for my suffering. /lh

Also keep in mind. I have watched the DA movie and the beast movie a whopping total of 1 time. It’s probably very off from what I was trying to communicate, cause I legit have no clue what goes on in the light novels... spare me the slander. 

Last thing, I tried something new with this one, so there’s weird ahh switches between first person and 2nd person in this. Idk how good it is, lmk if i should never do it again.

Tw: head injury, murder, blood, suicide, yeah I think that’s about it.

word count: 6.8k  

To all the Chuuya enjoyers out there, I’m sorry for being a disappointment.

Tags: @redeemingmygloryintopurgatory

I’m wet.

Im standing outside his door, knocking as it rains outside, without an umbrella, cold, and of course, drenched.

Helplessly, I knock on his door, hoping for a response from him. I know it’s pointless, by now. I should cut him out of my life by now, I should… leave him. He’s not a good person, he’s part of the Port Mafia, for the love of god… I’m scared of him. He could crush me at any moment. Hell, he breaks into my house so frequently, and even though he’s done no harm… he could kill me at any moment. So why am I here? Shouldn’t I be relieved that he hasn’t shown up at my apartment for over a month now? I… just can’t…

Lightening splits the sky in half and the sound of thunder cracks in the air.

Your fist slides down the window pane of the door. It makes a terrible sound, and you wince in pain from the sting of the friction. You should just go home. It was obvious Chuuya wasn’t even home, he never was. And if he wasn’t even home, how would he even answer the door? You regret coming here in the first place, you didn’t even know why you chose to. Was it out of worry? Was it because you had to say something to him? You couldn’t remember by now, it was all on impulse. 

Chuuya had broken into your apartment countless times. Still, no matter how many times you’d snap at him, how many times you’d emptily threaten him, or try to push him off the balcony, he still came back the next day, unphased. You couldn’t get rid of him, no matter how hard you tried. And after many days, you had learned to accept that someone could break into your home at any given moment.

And you had no knowledge of how he knew you, let alone knowledge of how he even got your house key. Or maybe he picked your lock. You couldn’t be sure and you really did not want to know. 

Every day, you’d come back home from work, and Chuuya would be sitting on your couch, drinking your wine (much to your own distaste). You’d usually give him a dirty look, and he’d glare in return but you’d say nothing. You preferred not to talk to him, and Chuuya wouldn’t raise conversations by himself. He always sat in the corner of the room, observing… scrutinizing every move you made. On the rare occasions when you had managed to start a conversation with him, it was always painfully awkward.

You once remember asking him why he was here, what he wanted from you, and his true intentions. Chuuya looked at you in an amused manner and stared out the window. 

“Why I’m doing this? You’ll find out yourself when the time is right.”

By the time you had woken up, he was always gone. As if he was never there in the first place. The only thing he’d leave was the wine glass he’d drink out of, and your clothes you had hauled back from the laundromat messily folded, in your drawer. Occasionally, when it warm out, he’d leave the window open. They were small actions. Meant to be noticed, but not returned.

The splashing of rain intensifies, as you stand on Chuuya’s porch. He’s not home. You can’t stand here forever. You have to get back home before it’s too late.

What a great way to spend my time off work.

But you wanted to try one last thing before you left. Maybe his door was unlocked the entire time. Although you would doubt it, it was worth a try. It was so stupid to do this, all of it was. But your curiosity is getting the best of you, and you desperately wanted answers. Answers only Chuuya could give.

So, you grip the door handle and twist the doorknob. Much to your shock, the mechanics of the door click, and the door opens.

Chuuya had left the door unlocked. He forgot to lock his own door. You take a step up, and stand in the doorway. The rain is still hitting your back, and you groan realizing that you’re dripping water onto the floor. Quickly, you step in and shut the door. You twist the lock, ensuring that no one else would come in.

You sure hope Chuuya wasn’t going to come home tonight. The thought of it made the hair on your neck stand slightly. 

You take off your shoes which are drenched in water and stare in the mirror. You’re soaked to the bone. Your clothes are completely see-through. You’d need to change them. That could wait, though. If the rain stopped, you’d go home as soon as possible.

Okay. Quick in and out it is. I need to find my spare key, and I need to find what happened to him after the explosion in the sky that day. The one that happened on the top of the… port mafia building. You shudder. I wonder what happened. It was so bright that it looked as if the sky exploded for a second. The next thing you know, everything is back to normal… except it isn’t. A dead body is found at the bottom of the building.

Followed by that, I never saw Chuuya again, but many people that were close to me have been avoiding me. When asked why, they avoided my question. There isn’t a strong connection there, but I think… that all of these events are connected somehow. Chuuya never appears again, and the fact he works for the Port Mafia, definetly does not help. 

Additionally, the Armed Dective Agency sent me a letter to be wary of Chuuya. With no additional information. There’s something going on here. Something is wrong. Something terribily wrong.

And I’m scared.

Apprehensively, you take several steps inside the house. You keep getting the feeling that you may get caught. But you don’t hear anything at the door. It’s a painful paranoia.

You inhale and exhale.

I’ll start looking for hints first. I don’t need an answer right away. One hint will be able to give me lots. I’ll start from his room, that’s where people are most likely to hide things.

You walk as quickly as possible across the empty corridor in the house. His house is eerily empty. There isn’t much in it, just a lot of furniture, a shelf of wine, messy papers and a few books placed sparsely across the rooms.

You walk up the stairs, which slightly creaks under your weight. You try your best to ignore any noises and try to stay focused. As you reach the top of the stairs, you see his bedroom, which is the first room at the end of the staircase.

You walk towards the room, you open the door and look around. Chuuya’s room is surprisingly fuller than the rest of the house. There is a dresser, with several items stacked on top of it. It has drawers, which you assume were full. His closet was also filled with clothes, with various hats on the shelf above in his closet.

Chuuya’s bed was neatly made, giving the impression that he had not been home in weeks. Unoccupied, cold, and abandoned. Yet you felt a temptation to lie in it either way. Your eyes dart to the dresser again, and you look at the various items spread out on it. None of these are of much use to you. Besides the gun that seemed unused.

Your hands move to the drawers and you begin to search them. In the first one, there was nothing. Just a bunch of stationery, and papers, some of which had blood on them. You shudder in disgust and move on.

You struggled to pull the second drawer. After a moment, it slides open and you look at the inside contents. You stare at it, wondering if you open it. There is no address on it, and it isn’t sealed. 

You have a bad feeling about this, but your hands move faster than your brain. You pull out the piece of paper and read its contents.

The letter is addressed to you. It doesn’t include much. Just A single sentence that holds an address. 

And then it hits you.

Chuuya had been planning this for a long time. He had purposely left the door unlocked, left his house empty, and left you because he knew you would try to find him one day.

It infuriates you more than you expect. But you can’t stop here. You’ll go to a specific location. 

Just to be sure, you look in the third drawer, you see your spare key, as well as a lock cutter. 

Its dark now. It’s still pouring. You have no choice to stay here for tonight. Begrudgingly, you curse yourself for dragging yourself into this. Still, you were in too deep to back out now. Whatever happens, will happen.

-

You wake up. 

You're lying on Chuuya's bed, in his clothes, begrudgingly. Your own clothes are discarded onto the floor, dried during the time you had been asleep. Still, you don't exactly feel like changing into them. It felt too gross to wear them. 

You shake your head. Now's not the time to be thinking about that. You sit up, and stretch your arms. Then, you walk towards the desk again, and look at the address. You take note of the address, and take your spare key. Before you go, you flip over the paper, ensuring that you didn't miss anything. There's another sentence scribbled on the top of the paper.

I know you're reading this. You want to know why I'm gone, and why I did this. The address that is provided will help you, but it will not give you the answer, nor will I be there. 

…What? 

You read the sentence over and over again. The words sink in, making you feel conflicted. You knew you were getting yourself into a certain kind of danger by doing this, but you didn't expect it to be this risky. Hell, you didn't even know where the man was now, and not to mention… the location…

You look at the location again.

It's on the street where the explosion happened. And you're no fool. If it was on that street, it meant it was that building. There were no other possibilities. You doubt it would be any other one of those tall skyscrapers, anyways. The one where the explosion happened was the only building Chuuya had any affiliations with.

Which was going to be incredibly difficult to get into. Let alone, to the top floor. You'd be dead even trying to set foot into the door. It wasn't worth your life for this. You should forget about it and go back home.

You look through the paper again, hoping there might be something more to help you. Sighing, you came back with nothing. I suppose I really have to go through with this, don't I? There's no turning back. 

-

The walk to the Port Mafia's building was rather short, if you were being completely honest. It was located in the heart of Yokohama, and was one of the tallest buildings there, if that told you anything. 

You stand outside the building, as the apprehension and fear build up inside you. You had never felt as much of a need to run from anything, as much as you did now. The doors, despite their grandeur size, and large glass design, looked uninviting. Almost like doors to a bank vault; the kind of doors that told you, you wouldn't be able to get out, as soon as you stepped in. And from various things people has told you throughout the years, the Port Mafia keeps people it's had come into contact with. It's more powerful beyond belief. 

It doesn't need to control you. You'll be forced into being pliant for them, simply by fear. No one can betray them. Death is almost a guarantee if you do.

And recently, they had also become violent as well. You might as well be walking yourself into a death wish.

But your feet remained rooted into the ground, and part of you remains determined to see this through. So you take a deep breath and walk into the building. 

You try to remain calm as you push through the doors, into the lobby. You pray Hou won't be swatted with bullets as soon as you enter, but much to your own surprise, there's no one in the lobby. It's completely empty.

It doesn't feel right. You wonder if what happened. Well, it's not your business anyways. You couldn't care less. You just needed to find whoever Chuuya's office is and-

"Who are you?"

shit. you curse under your breath. "I-I'm," you turn around to face the person talking g to you. As soon as you do this, the man's eyes widen, and you acknowledge away slightly. "Sorry… um… do you know where Chuuya is?"

You had never felt so idiotic and out of place in your life. You can physically feel your heart pounding inside your chest, as you pray you don't look too suspicious. You can't mess up here. Though the man you are currently talking to isn't holding any firearm. That may just as well mean he has even worse methods to kill you off.

"He's not here."

of course, he isn't. You think to yourself. He wrote that in his own letter, or whatever you call it. 

"He's been arrested." The man looks you directly into your eyes, and as on instinct, you look down, too scared to actually look at him. A few moments pass in silence.

"Can you… perhaps tell me why?"

"After the previous Port Mafia executive committed suicide, Chuuya was forced to lead the Port Mafia. He hated the job greatly, and he eventually…" He stops himself.

"Go on." You mutter.

The man tilts his head and looks at you again. "Are you sure? If you want to see him… it's better just to see for yourself." He stops for a second. 

"No… please tell me. Tell me everything that you possibly can."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Fine then. If you insist."

"Chuuya lost his control over himself. He slowly became more, deranged, if you will, as time went on. After the old executive killed himself, Chuuya had no one left. Or at least, that's what we saw. His orders became more and more irrational, often just resorting to killing everything, and slowly, he eventually broke. He went on a rampage, as you've probably seen, Yokohama is not safe with him around. He almost destroyed Yokohama in its entirety, and it took serveral organizations to stop him. I don't know the exact details after that. He remains locked up underground."

You feel as if you had been doused under cold water. You didn't only have your question answered, but that also explained several other things as well. You try to recollect your thoughts while figuring out what to do next.

"By the way, you look familiar."

"How so?"

"I don't know, to he honest. You look like someone who used to work here. Maybe my mind js tricking me, though. You look too weak to be here."

"Yeah," you force out an awkward laugh, "I could never work here for the life of me."

"Figures."

another awkward pause, as you stare at the man.

"I assume you need Chuuya's location, don't you?"

You nod.

"Here." He hands you a piece of paper, with an address messily scrawled onto it. "Although, I don't recommend going to see him, tell the guards you are a relative of his. Hopefully, it will convince them enough to let you in. Though, if you want, I'm sure you can attempt to knock the guards out. Chuuya's well… very restrained so he won't hurt you."

"Ah… thank you."

"Don't mention it."

You bow and leave.

"Hey wait-" the man calls out, his voice echoing through the empty lobby. He seems hesitant to ask something. You stop and turn around. "Yeah?"

He looks down, and awkwardly avoids eye contact for a second. It's at this moment you realize he's a man with short, white, hair, as well thick bangs that were cut into a slant. He’s rather short, and he’s wearing a long jacket.

He looks… familiar. I wonder why.

“What’s your name?” 

You stare at him for another moment before answering. “It’s Y/N.”

You could have sworn you had seen a face of surprise from him for a second, but it could have been your imagination because the next instant you blink, it’s gone. “I see,” he says slowly. “Be careful then. He’s not the same as what you may remember.”

As… I remember? What….

“Nevermind. Forget I said anything. Just go to the address, and everything will make sense.”

“Hey wait-”

He’s already turned his back and left on you. You’re left with so many more questions than you started off with, and dread creeps up you again. There was a warning tone in his voice, almost as if telling you to do this was a terrible idea. That you were going to be landing yourself in scalding hot water, and you wouldn’t be able to get out. You knew the risks from the start, but…

You quickly unfold the paper, and look for the address. Once again, the address is written in the center of the paper. You carefully look around for any other writing on the paper.

It’s completely white. Blank. Except for one sentence on the bottom: It’s never too late to back out. 

And you stare at it, and think about the several cryptic warnings you received from this man. So… you’re telling me, that after that explosion happened in the sky… a dead body, the previous executive was found. Then shortly after that, Chuuya became the executive of the Mafia. He hated it. But he had no choice and was left alone to do it. Eventually, he lost his sanity and mind and the Mafia… I guess? Because very corrupt, violent, and unsafe. It took many people to stop him, and how he was arrested in an underground cell. At this address.

It’s clear he’s cutting something out. He said to be careful. Of course, if Chuuya has lost his mind, I need to do that. But he empathized that I should be wary of him. Also, he said I looked familiar, and he also looks familiar to me. He mentioned something about… me remembering? Have I known Chuuya for longer? 

But he also said that only Chuuya has the answers to all my questions. So that means in other words, he knows what happened during the explosion, he knows that Chuuya has been breaking into my apartment and he knows more about my entire predicament now, than I do.

Just… who exactly is he? How and why?

You cut yourself off from those thoughts. 

Ugh. this is ending up being so much more complicated than it was supposed to be. You thought in bitterness. So basically, I’ll go to the address, and get the answers to my questions. Sounds simple enough. There’s no need to overthink this. Maybe i’m just being paranoid. What’s the worst that could happen?

Well, a lot. But I’ll just ignore that for now.

You turn around and walk towards the door again. To be honest, you don’t want to know what might happen once you see him. You were already nervous from the implications the man had told you moments ago, and you were coming to realize there were some things that you noticed when you were in Chuuya’s house. Things that you maybe weren’t supposed to know about or see.

In the bottom of the drawer… there were documents. Documentation of everything that happened on the day of the explosion. A bright light illumined the sky, followed by the dead body found; the previous port mafia’s executive; Dazai Osamu. The two closest people to the explosion were a member of the port mafia, Atsushi Nakajima, and a member in the training of the Armed Detective Agency, Ryounouske Akuwatagawa. They are believed to be the cause of the explosion.

No one knows the exact events inside the Port Mafia on that day, except for the individuals involved in the actions that happened. According to the Armed Detective Agency, Akuwtagawa had barged into the Port Mafia to challenge the Port Mafia Executive. He accordingly, fought many individuals in the Port Mafia, a body count is yet to be determined. Data from thereon forth is unknown until the individuals reach the top of the building, where the most notorious event stated above occurred.

Additionally, after thorough examination of the body of the previous Port Mafia Excuetive, it can be concluded that he had committed suicide by jumping off the building. 

The document ends there, and the paper is ripped in half.

-

It felt like every meter you travelled towards that location was walking towards a terrible, yet inevitable fate. The drive there, dragged on and on as if mocking you for your choices. You find yourself counting down the seconds until you can arrive at the location given.

Oh, how you wished you had stayed at home instead of seeking him out. If only your morbid curiosity hadn’t gotten the best of you.

You’ve lost track of the time you’ve spent on the train, only waiting for the loudspeaker to announce your stop. The location you figure you were given led you to a rather remote area, likely in the outskirts of Yokohama. If not further. The man had told you he was locked underground, completely isolated from everything.

You found that part the most unsettling. If they needed that many security measures to keep him in place, it was likely he was completely gone. Gone beyond saving. If he had succumbed that much to his own grief and madness, it would be a question of whether he would still remember you or not. 

You look out the window again, enjoying your last moments of peace.

This is the eerie calm before the storm, isn’t it?

Moments after you think that, the train halts to a stop at the last station in Yokohama, and you get off. Your heart is pounding wildly in your chest, and you’re not sure if you can stop it.

You try your best to remain calm. Force yourself to keep going. He’s special to you. You can’t lose him, even if you hate him. You need him. He’s the only one who still cares. 

And above all, he’s the only one who remembers you at all.

And so, you go. You take all the correct turns. You try to walk as quickly as you could, to arrive at the destination. You keep going, and going and going until…

You’re here.

It’s one of the better buildings on the outskirts of the city, yet… it looks incredibly unsettling. It’s a mundane building, one made from standard concrete, and glass. Yet. As you stand so close, you see cracks in the building. The door is partially cracked as well. 

Well, I’m here already. Whatever happens, happens. I may die in there, still, before I die, I have to know the answer. The answer… why can’t I remember? Chuuya. I want him to tell me, what he did to me. Why he came to my apartment every day. Why he’s… he’s…..

Oh. My hands are shaking. Surely I cannot be this terrified can I? I will do this even if it kills me.

You pull the door open and enter the building. The piece of paper told you that it was on the lowest floor. Your footsteps echo in the empty building, and it feels creepy no one is here.

Huh. Gives some Deja Vu, doesn’t it?

You proceed towards the elevator at the end of the hall, and press the down button. Almost instantly, the elevator makes a “ding” noise, and the doors open. You quickly step in and look for the lowest button. With a deep breath, you push the button, and the door closes.

You stare at your face in the mirror. You look terrible. Pale and your hair is completely dishevelled and a mess. If you didn’t know any better, you’d look like you were sick. You had been extremely anxious about this for an entire day, after all.

The elevator doors once again slide open. 

Here goes nothing. You sigh. I’d better hear you talking today, Chuuya. You have a lot to tell me. And you’d better tell me it all.

You step outside the elevator. There’s nothing. Absolutely nothing, and no one here. The halls are empty, and the strong scent of stale air, combined with dust fills your nostrils. You feel like coughing for a second, but you hold yourself back. You didn’t want to make any noise to give away your presence. You take another step.

Despite what the man said, it was clear that there was no one else there. No prison guards, no other cells inside. It was clearly a floor made, simply to detain one individual in particular. Isolated, and secure enough that they’d never be able to escape. Deep enough underground that they’d never even know where they were.

Your footsteps tap loudly against the concrete and echo everywhere around. As you walk down the hall, the lightbulbs behind you light up. The man had told you it was in the deepest part of the prison. However, what he didn’t account for, was that you had no idea how this floor was organized. 

Not to mention it was starting to get creepy really quickly. Although there should be nothing else in here, you were starting to get the sense that there was something dangerous that might lurk in the air. You tell yourself it’s probably just the dark and your own fatigue and you were imagining things.

The emptiness of the entire building creeps you out. It’s eerie. It feels like you were lead into the wrong location, and you were walking into a dead end. It almost felt almost like a trap that you had been lured into. And every second, the floor grew significantly more eerie. The lack of any presence and the darkness despite the very few lightbulbs attached to the ceiling enhanced that. 

I should be getting close now… right?

You were. You could see a light at the end of this hallway, which was illuminated with an orange light. It must have been where Chuuya’s cell was. There was no other place as illuminated as this, and there was no reason for it to be.

You had gotten this far. There was no reason you should be stopping now. Should you? The answer… you had always looked for, you could get it now.

Chuuya always hid something from me. He has never answered once, one of my questions. He’s never told me why he comes to my house every day, he never told me once why he was gone. For as long as I remember, I’ve been coming back from my job, and seeing him there. But one day, he disappeared. No reason why, no reason of how. He just did.

But apart from my job, there’s another piece missing to this puzzle. There’s something else that I’ve always wanted to ask him besides why he’s gone missing, and the explosion which I already had the answer to. He knows me, better than I know myself.

What was I before all of this happened?

I know there’s something before all of this. It just doesn’t add up. The man I saw in the mafia looked familiar. The building itself was in a place that I had felt I had been in at some time before. There’s deja vu there.

But when I first walked into the apartment, the first day before I saw Chuuya, I had jamais vu. A familiar place, that I didn’t know. And consequently, I couldn’t remember much before that. So what-

“I know you’re there, (Y/N). You’ve been standing there for quite some time.”

Shit.

Your thoughts are cut off by that voice you instantly knew. Chuuya was indeed, there. But his voice didn’t sound the same as you remember. There wasn’t any of the snarkiness, or egotistical attitude in his voice anymore. Instead, his voice was laced with aggression, and a malice that made you hesitant to even come forward.

You open your jaw to speak, but almost if Chuuya knew, he spoke before you. “I know what you’re thinking. You want to know why I left you, don’t you? I assume that someone has already told you about what happened on the day I stopped seeing you, and I’m sure you know all about the aftermath of that.”

You feel like you are doused in cold water. How did he know? Did he plan all of this. You want to open your mouth and tell him to slow down, but he continues, anyways.

“And you’ve been having deja vu for several days, too. You feel like you know the Port Mafia building, you feel like you recognize everything you saw, including my home.” Silence, as he pauses for a second. “So why don’t you… come and face me, and I’ll tell you what actually happened?”

“Chuuya-”

You hear no response. You sigh and walk towards his cell. You’re not ready to hear this, and you’re not sure you can face him.

He’s different. He’s not the same anymore. He sounds more violent, his composture is much less controlled than it was before. What…what happened to him?

And then you approach his cell. He’s got cuts everywhere, specifically the gash on his face. You instantly feel the need to run away, to get this image out of your mind. He was thin, his face was significantly more gaunt than it had been the last time you had seen him. And the most unsettling thing was how he was kept. Both arms were harshly chained to the ceiling and the wall. The chains were wrapped around his arms several times (you would assume most likely to stop him from breaking free), and they cut deeply into his arm. Then his body was also tightly bound to a chair, and his legs were bound to the chair’s legs. His body you noticed, was bound so tightly to the chair, you wonder how he still managed to breathe. Still, nothing would be as unnerving as to look at as his eyes. They were not dull per say, but they were empty. Not in the hopeless kind of way, but in the tormented sense that he had been tortured so badly that it would be unlikely he ever saw the light of day again.

Truly, he was a lost cause. You could only describe him as tortured and traumatized, as you couldn’t glance at him a second time.

“Hey. You done oogling yet?” His voice came out as almost an aggressive snarl, and you instantly look away. “Look at me.” You do your best to look at him, while trying to avoid looking at any part of his face in particular. You didn’t want to see it. Truly, you don’t want to look at him in any way whatsoever. So you settle on looking at a corner of his hair. The only thing that was still familiar to you.

“I said look at me. In the eyes.”

You don’t want to.

Chuuya sighs. “I know I probably look terrible right now, but please. Just do it. For the sake of me. Just look me in the eyes. It’ll probably be the last time I see someone for a long time.” He draws that last sentence out for longer than you expect, and you start to feel uneasy again, but you try to ignore that and ask him the question. The question you had been dying to ask for an undefined amount of time.

It’s a second before you can really bring yourself to ask it. “Chuuya. Where are my memories?” your mouth tightens… “Who am I? Why did you… do this?” You take a deep breath, to stop yourself. “Just tell me. Please.”

There’s another stretched-out pause before Chuuya responds again. “I knocked you out.”

“You… you what? N-no… you’re kidding right?” Your voice wavers slightly, before seeing Chuuya’s face again. He’s dead serious. “Why would you do this?”

“You were in danger. I couldn’t help it, alright?” He yelled, and you flinch. He takes a deep breath in again, slightly more calm, and continues. “Let me explain.”

“You were part of the Port Mafia, (Y/N). In fact, you, me, and Dazai used to be assigned to the same team all the time. Of course, it was always despicable working with Dazai. He never told us about anything, instead only telling us what to do, while he schemed about whatever he damn chose.”

“You can’t be serious…”

He scoffs and rolls his eyes. “Do you think I’m joking right now? That I’m making a story and pulling it out of thin air for fun? You wanted answers. I’m giving them to you right now.”

“Right. Sorry.”

Chuuya ignores you and goes on. “Out of the three of us, you were always the weakest one, without a strong ability, nor any supportive abilities, however, we always had to drag you along anyways. To every mission gaven to us. Dazai would always make a plan, and we’d have to follow through. And if any of us ever messed up, we’d always get into trouble.”

“I bet you wanted to know how you got that bruise on your arm, that’s never healed, huh? Well, it’s cause you messed up one of the missions, and one of the higher-ups broke your arm. It never completely healed, and it was a warning that you should never mess up again.”

You look at your arm, where the ugly purple bruise marred your skin. It had never healed, and you couldn’t do anything heavy with it. Although it made a lot more sense than the reasoning you were told, you found this all too unreal. There was no way you were a mafia member. You were always weak. There would have been no reason for you to join. But even past the static buzzing in your brain, you could make out everything he said feeling familiar. As if your memories were just behind a wall you couldn’t break through.

“Still, I wasn’t able to do anything at the time, and Dazai didn’t care too much for you. The damned bastard treated everything and everyone like a chess piece, and played them as he wished. You were constantly treated as the runt of the three of us, and often used as the punching bag when missions weren’t successful. But, over time, you managed to become more ‘competent’ and not ‘drag us back’.”

“Of course, that all was, until the Dragon Head incident. All you need to know was that it was a bloody fight, and most of us were sent to deal with it.”

“As always, we were sent to deal with the mess. Dazai and I were obviously vanguards during the entire ordeal, and you were backup. When we had found the person behind it all, I used my own ability to kill him. We had won, but just barely.”

“You had managed to find the location of the man first, but you didn’t notify us. This person later told us that you actually refused to tell us. Ultimately, you botched Dazai’s plan, and almost destroyed an entire city, because you didn’t follow his instructions. Of course, Dazai was disappointed, even if he didn’t say anything. He essentially dismissed you, and planned to go back, and remove you from the Port Mafia. But, I didn’t want that.”

“So after a very long fight with Dazai, I managed to make a compromise with him. You would not be killed for betraying the Port Mafia, however, you wouldn’t be allowed to go back. But if I told you this, you would have rather accepted death, since the Port Mafia is the only thing you have ever known. You couldn’t go into the real world since you have no identity there.”

“So later that night, while you had looked like you were at least, partially asleep. I had no choice… but to give you severe head trauma, which would make you lose all your memories.”

There’s an unspoken silence between the two of you. You had always been told that your head was fragile. When you tried to think about your childhood or teenage years, your head would fill with static and it would hurt. Never had you ever expected it to be… this…

“You must be shocked. You probably think I’m not being serious, or that I’m joking. Well, I’m not done yet.”

“You were in a coma for years after that. For about two or three years, if I remember correctly. I had to make sure that you wouldn’t remember anything, so I bashed your head, pretty hard against the concrete. I brought you to the hospital after that, and told them that you had been injured badly, because you had attempted suicide. A balatant lie, but I couldn’t tell the doctors any more than that, otherwise I would have been detained.”

“For several years, you stayed in the hospital, completely unconscious. I’d visit you everyday, and see if you would wake up. At one point I had considered just giving up. But eventually, you did wake up. But, you didn’t have an identity in the real world, let alone education, or anything that would let you survive. When you were discharged, I paid a company to forge you a fake identity, which is what you live by now.”

“I’ve watched over you for so long, (Y/N). You once asked me what you needed to be protected from. I didn’t answer that question because I didn’t think it was the right time to let you know the truth. Alas, you’ve come searching for the truth yourself. The Port Mafia was after you for a long time. I had to constantly monitor you, you were constantly on my mind every day. And even when you were discharged from the hospital, I still had to watch over you while you slept. They wanted to kill you. I didn’t want you dead, in fact how could I?” Chuuya laughs in bitterness. “I loved you for a long time. I did all of this to make sure I’d be able to see you happy, for once. And you were. You moved into society rather nicely. You were simply not meant to be part of the Mafia, despite the potential in your ability.”

“You have the gun I left on my desk, didn’t you? You knew you had to take it because you might have been in danger.”

“Chuuya… stop.” You’re still in shock, but you know you’ll never properly remember any of your memories now. You can only trust him. Whatever he says, you have to believe. He’s not lying. He never was lying.

“That was Dazai’s gun. The gun he left before he killed himself.”

“No… please. Stop. Chuuya. Don’t do this please…”

He chuckles. “I have no merit in my future, I am simply left to rot and die here. You wouldn’t understand, (Y/N). I spent so much time in my life for you, that it would have been simpler to just kill you. But I can’t do that.”

“But in a life where you don’t return any of that to me isn’t worth living either…”

“CHUUYA,” you scream. “Stop this. Don’t…”

“So shoot me please. I know you’re dying to do it. You brought the gun with you, you wanted to kill me. I know you do. Why? You’ve reached into your pockets serveral times while I was telling your past. My life is hopeless, completely doomed. I’ve lost everything I once had, except for you. And I can’t even see you now.”

“So kill me. Put me out of my own misery.”

He smiles, in a twisted sort of way, expecting you to shoot.

“You won’t regret it.”

And it’s true. You were planning on killing him, but you don’t want to now. But if what he said was true, you were also ruthless as he was. You had to make a choice, quickly.

Your hands move faster than your mind, and you can’t stop yourself.

You shoot once. Once at his chest.

You can’t bear to see what you did.

But you also can’t see control what you were going to do next. You hear another gunshot being fired, and you weren’t if it was from yourself, or maybe someone else in the floor.

Your vision stops and you feel yourself falling to the ground.

[myuiis]

because it's written down, you've memorized it

gungoo oneshot

1.7k words

angst because chapter 479 fundamentally changed me as a person

ao3 link if yall want:

"You’re going to die in your best friend’s arms. And you play along because it’s funny, because it’s written down, you’ve memorized it, it’s all you know."

So, this is the end, Park Jonggun thinks as he swirls his wine in his small glass, watching his breath turn to steam in front of his face. It’s not a bad one, by any means. The snow falling from the sky in ill-fated flurries that melt as soon as they touch his skin; the faint rumbling of Seoul in the background; Goo’s gentle breathing by his side. 

If anything, Gun thought this whole thing would’ve ended a lot differently. 

A knife fight, maybe, or some other sort of barely concealed violence– teeth gnashing, jaws snapping, claws scratching at each other’s throats. That’s how they met, after all. Standing alone in that junkyard, the sky pouring rain as if it was crying for them, blood dripping from their wounds, bones creaking from the effort of staying upright. 

But this isn’t much better, Gun thinks. It’s unfamiliar. Suffocating. 

It’s so antithetical, so fundamentally opposed to everything they are and were meant to be. Weapons are only supposed to draw blood, after all. Violence is all that they had ever known. 

So why is it that all he feels, watching his rival and partner and best friend of four years sitting on the ledge beside him, watching the clouds split into pieces and fall to the earth, all he feels is something stirring inside– a deep, dark, primordial fear? 

When will you leave? Will you really leave? Will I really have to kill you? Why did you do it, Goo Kim? 

Gun has always been a man familiar with fear. It comes with the territory when you kill for a living. But there’s something strange about this fear; it’s raw, a little bit ugly, a little bit too rough for even Gun to enjoy. 

But what’s worse is this: they accepted it so easily, as if it was carved on their bones, as if it was a script they’d both rehearsed; their end was an inside joke between friends– easy, familiar, funny. Even now, they both understand what kind of person the other is, what kind of choices the other would make. 

It’s like they both already knew this would happen, from the second they laid eyes on each other. They’re not the type of people for happy endings. 

Still, they stayed. 

Did Gun expect a different ending? Was he trying to achieve a different ending in the first place? Goo Kim, what did you do? What do I owe you? Is this really what you wanted after all? 

Is that why, when Goo asked him to drink, for the first and last time, he sounded so sad? 

But once again Goo doesn’t answer any of his questions; once again, Gun is secretly glad he doesn’t. 

They sit there under the roof of the old house, the snow still falling in clumps and flutters, its whiteness shining in the dim sunlight. 

“Hey.” 

The silence is broken when Goo finally speaks again. 

“I think I’ve gotta be on my way now.” 

Gun looks up from his hands, abruptly realizing how much time has passed when he sees the sun already setting. 

“Taejin might start getting worried that you killed me if I’m not back soon,” Goo continues. He cracks a soft smile at his own joke and stares at Gun, as if expecting him to reciprocate the smile. 

He does. 

“Why don’t we finish this bottle first?” he replies, picking the soju bottle up again to emphasize his point. 

“What, I thought you weren’t in the mood for drinking?” 

“Mm, changed my mind,” Gun replies, and that’s the end of it. 

They pour their drinks out and down it all in one shot again, like they did the last time. The alcohol burns pleasantly as it rolls down Gun’s throat, and he remembers why he likes it so much in the first place: it tastes like a fight.

 He thinks he’s drawn to Goo in the same way. 

They haven’t ever drank together, courtesy of Goo’s aversion to alcohol and all things that could be considered a “vice"; but as they sit there together, glasses clinking together, it feels as if they’ve done this a thousand times over. 

They pour out another shot and down it again. And then another. And then another. The entire time, they don’t speak a single word, barely even look at each other. Perhaps this was exactly the kind of ending that was fit for their relationship. 

The irony writes itself. 

A violent, glorious start, filled with snarky threats and bloodied fingers; a peaceful end. Like the slow fizzling out of stars that were never big enough to go supernova. Was that what Gun and Goo were to each other? 

Friends, colleagues, lovers that never were? 

Lovers, Gun thinks, whispers silently, rolling around the word on his tongue like he’s trying to weigh it, trying to scope out its smooth edges and sharp corners. It’s heavy. Unbearably so.  He doesn’t think it fits them, doesn’t think it ever will. 

Love is a tender, tender thing. Gun and Goo haven’t got a single bone in their body made for tenderness. All of their bones are for breaking. 

Gun looks over at Goo, only to find that Goo had already been staring at him for who knows how long. When Goo sees that he’s been caught, he doesn’t look away. Instead, he only grins. 

…Gun doesn’t know what it was. Maybe it was the way the light bounced off the rim of Goo’s glasses and fluttered off his lashes like stars. Maybe it was the way Goo’s face looked especially pale amongst the snow, so pale that Gun thinks he’d fade away if he didn’t grab him. Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was the slight flush on Goo’s cheeks or the farewell that didn’t yet slip off his tongue or his annoying smile that Gun needed to wipe off his face. Maybe it wasn’t anything at all, but at that moment, it was so easy to just lean forward and take. 

So he does.

Gun leans in and kisses Goo. 

The moment is stretched thin to infinity, like time has just stopped. Goo makes a surprised, muffled sound and tenses, but the movement is brief. He eases into the kiss as well, as if he’s been waiting all his life for this, as if they’ve done this a million times.

The feeling of Goo’s perfectly maintained lips against Gun’s own chapped pair isn’t unfamiliar. Neither is the coolness of his glasses against Gun’s nose nor the way Goo shifts in his seat. 

After all, they had spent the greater part of the last three years together, and they had needed to explore some more… primal urges.

But what is unfamiliar is the tenderness. 

Gun and Goo’s kisses had always been tongues and teeth: a fight, a challenge, a dare. A battle for superiority, like everything else they’ve ever done. At the end of it, Goo always tasted like blood, whether it be his own or Gun’s.

The taste of Goo, unstained by blood or anger, is something softer, smoother, so much so that Gun hardly believes that it’s really the blonde that he’s kissing. Goo tastes like rain and home cooked food and dollar-store soju. 

Is this what a goodbye tastes like? 

If so, Gun thinks that he wants to say goodbye to Goo again and again and again. This is nice, he thinks. If the Earth stopped spinning right then and time stopped flowing, the fact that they’re there together in the first ever moment of gentleness they’ve ever shared would be enough.

Gun doesn’t remember who pulls away first. Maybe Goo did, judging by how he instantly moves to adjust his crooked glasses or rearrange his scarf; or maybe it was Gun himself, as he instantly moves to fix his hair. 

The moment ends, and they both pretend like nothing ever happened.

Goo is the first one to acknowledge it.

“You know, you’re actually pretty good at this stuff when you’re not trying to eat me alive,” he says, and it sounds noncommittal, like a joke. As if none of that just mattered. 

But the crack in his voice at the end gives him away. 

“But don’t think that it’s enough to get me to stay.”

Yeah. 

Gun knows. 

Goo is a breezy, capricious person. His moods come and go like the wind. But when he sets his sights on a path to walk, storms on his brows and a hurricane in his steps, there’s nothing in the world that can stop him. 

Gun isn’t any exception.

Still, it’s nice to know that he was at least a temptation. 

Goo dusts off his dustless coat and moves to stand up. There’s still a bottle of soju left in the bag he brought, and he points to it.

“Anyways, I’m actually leaving this time. That’s a gift for you. Have fun drinking alone, loser.” 

Gun snorts. 

“Yeah, thanks. Have fun drinking with your secret friends as well, idiot.” 

Goo smiles, but there’s no mirth behind it. There’s a swirl of other emotions there that Gun can’t quite put a finger on. Sorrow, melancholy, regret, but not wishfulness. They would’ve gotten to this point anyways, no matter what happened. 

“I will.” 

Goo turns to leave. Before he does, he gives a backwards glance at Gun, annoying smile still hanging off his face. 

“Hey,” he begins, and he sounds a little sad. Just a little. “It was nice while it lasted, Gun Park.” 

“Mhm.” 

And Goo walks off into the sunset.

Except–

Gun doesn’t know what came over him, perhaps it was the alcohol again, but whatever painful, ugly, tender thing drove him to kiss Goo the first time drives him to cup his hands around his mouth and shout:

“Kim Joongoo!” he cries after the figure in the distance. “Stay alive until the next time!” 

But Goo doesn’t turn around, doesn’t even acknowledge him. Gun can’t let it just end like this. No, he wants, he–

“Kim Joongoo!”

Did you hear me? 

Can you do that? 

Will we ever meet again? 

(Of course they will. They’re bound at the bones, joined by their flesh and their tendons and by something far greater that won’t ever, ever let them leave the other. Like two stars bound by each other’s gravity, they’ll never truly be able to leave. It’s hard to tell where Gun ends and Goo begins.) 

Goo turns around in the distance, and–maybe it’s a trick of the light– but he smiles back. It’s something small, reserved, and it’s entirely sincere and free of trickery. It’s something Gun thinks only he has ever seen. 

And Goo turns back around and walks off. Gun looks at his retreating form until he is consumed by the snow entirely. 

[lovebombs4life]

hate sex with luke 😙🙏🏻🩵

animosity - l.r.h.

requested: yes! thank you for the request, and keep sending them in :)

a/n: y’all love the hate fucking concept LMAO i can’t blame you.

cw: SMUT!! slight angst, rough sex, swearing, choking, reader goes into head space, fluffy end

———

i had never met a person who was more insufferable than luke hemmings. i tried to be nice to him, i really did. i don’t know what i did that made him hate me so quickly, but i know he’d rather die than be alone in a room with me.

we had met because of your mutual friends. michael had introduced me to the group, and i had been so excited to meet them all. when i had met luke, it was like he decided he hated me, right then and there.

i had made efforts to talk to him and involve him in conversations, but he would only glare at me and respond with a dry tone.

the decision to hangout with everyone tonight at michael’s apartment was a bold one. i knew luke was going to be there, and i knew he’d avoid me the whole night if i was lucky.

sometimes he’d pretend i wasn’t there. other times, not so much. he would mock me and just be a massive dick.

i decided to not worry about that for tonight, and continue getting ready before heading to michael’s.

i had put on my usual mascara and eyeliner, and decided on wearing one of my favorite cardigans over a tank top, and a small flowing skirt.

as i left my house, i texted michael letting him know id be there soon. once i arrived, i knocked on the door, immediately being let in, and pulled into a hug by michael. i laughed at his actions.

michael was almost like a little brother to me, despite him being a few years older. i walked through the door, seeing everyone was already here.

“we were just getting drinks out, want one?” michael asked. i glanced over at the group, seeing luke’s eyes already burning into mine. i looked back at michael, nodding my head.

he passed me a shot, giving me a wine cooler afterwards to get the taste from the shot out of my mouth. i walked to the living room, sitting down on the floor, leaning my back against the couch.

luke’s eyes still stuck on me with a scowl. i ignored it, trying to enjoy my time with my favorite people. we sat there drinking, talking about anything and everything. at this point, i was the only person truly sober, besides luke.

we all started gossiping, talking about people we knew and didn’t necessarily like. “i swear, the chick next door to me is actually crazy. she’s got this boyfriend who just yells at her constantly and just spews insults at her, yet she’s still with him!” i spoke in disbelief.

“maybe you guys have something in common.” luke muttered. heads turned to him, confused looks on everyone’s face. “what does that mean, luke?” i questioned.

he smirked, knowing he was about to get a rise out of me. “i mean that you’re both crazy.” he spoke flatly.

“and why is that?” i continued asking. he just chuckled before answering me.

“she’s crazy in the sense she lets this guy keep coming back. you’re crazy in the sense that you think any guy will come back to you.” he spat.

“what are you trying to say about me luke? that im desperate?” i asked. he shrugged.

“if the shoe fits. i think we all know you’re a bit of a slut, y/n.” he spoke. tears pricked my eyes.

“woah, no one, and i mean no one, thinks that about y/n.” caluk spoke up. i bit down on my lip trying not to let luke win and see me cry.

he continued smirking, knowing i was holding back. i stood up, walking to where he was. once close enough, i stood there staring down at him.

he raised an eyebrow, curious what i was doing. i quickly pulled back my hand, slapping him hard across the face. “fuck you, luke.” i spoke, walking to michael’s guest room, closing the door.

i had sucked back the tears, now only letting myself be angry. what the hell did i ever do to him? why did he hate me so much? why did-

my thoughts were cut off by the door opening. i turned my head. of course it was him. he quickly crossed the room to me, grabbing my wrists.

“you think you can just get away with that? you’re sorely mistaken, darling.” he said darkly. he pushed me to the wall, kissing me hard.

i gasped at his actions. if he hated me so much, why was he doing this? it was almost as if he read my mind.

“wanna know why i fucking hate you, y/n? cause you act like you’re so fucking perfect. like you’re too good for anyone. too good for me.” he growled. i raised my brow.

“i tried to be nice to you, luke. you’re just a fucking asshole.” i spat back at him. he pinned me to the wall with his hips. i gasped at the feeling, taking notice of his hard cock.

“i knew you were a fucking slut.” he smirked, seeing my reaction to him pressing against me. he grabbed my throat squeezing it harshly.

i let out a moan, my eyes rolling back. he groaned, kissing me again, roughly. i whimpered as he held onto my throat, making him laugh darkly.

he pulled away, staring into my eyes. “so gorgeous.” he cooed, making my face heat up.

“what, so the hating me thing was all an act?” i teased.

“don’t test me, y/n. it may be all an act but i’m gonna fuck you like it wasn’t.” he spoke boldly, making me melt into his touch.

he swiftly pulled my top off, throwing it across the room. he kissed down my chest, leaving rough hickies along my neck and collarbones. i gasped, loving the feeling.

he slid my skirt off, dipping his hand underneath my panties. his fingers rubbed my clit, causing me to moan. he continued suckling on my neck, purple marks already showing.

without warning, his fingers slipped inside my heat, curling upwards. my knees weakened, causing luke to grab one of my thighs to hold me up. i tugged on his hair, pulling him back to kiss me.

“please, need more.” i begged. he laughed, continuing his actions. “you think you’re gonna get what you want?” he asked. i pouted, making him bite down on my lip.

i squealed, throwing my head back. he removed his hands from me before i could get close to cumming, causing me to whine.

he picked me up, dropping me onto the bed. he pulled my panties off, unbuckling his belt afterwards. he kicked his jeans and boxers off, making me squeeze my thighs at the site of him.

his dick was hard and red, begging for attention. he stroked himself a few times, before slamming into me. i let out a scream, but it was cut short as luke cupped his hand around my mouth.

he smirked at my position. “so fuckin pretty. this is why i’ve hated you baby. cause i haven’t been the one wrecking you.” he grunted, pulling my leg above his shoulder.

i gasped as he hit deeper, and at such a fast pace. the pain and pleasure sent my head spinning. tears fell from my cheeks, making luke laugh as he wiped away the tears.

“don’t cry angel, you’re taking me so well.” he praised, still slamming into me. i cried out in pleasure from his words.

my eyes started rolling back, and my head felt fuzzy. i felt my stomach tighten, signaling that i was close. “g-gonna cum.” i squeaked, feeling myself release on his cock.

he squeezed my thighs, pulling out as he came on my stomach. i was still gasping for air, my head still feeling foggy.

i stared off at the ceiling, my body still shaking. “y/n? you in there?” i hear luke ask me. when he didn’t get a response from me, he sat up, shaking me. he started panicking. grabbing me, and pulling me close.

“angel, you’re scaring me. need you to use your words, are you alright?” he questioned. i slowly started to come down, squeezing his shoulder as he held me.

he sighed in relief, stroking my hair. “was i good?” i asked meekly. he nodded his head.

“did so good. might’ve fucked you too good.” he boasted. i smiled into his chest.

“so you don’t really hate me?” i looked up at him. he shook his head, kissing mine.

“i only hated you because you weren’t mine.” he whispered.

“i wanna be yours, luke.” i said softly.

“then be mine, y/n.”

[minimomoe]

Where Your Heart Lies

Summary: You thought if you let the past behind you can finally move on. Of course, nothing is ever that easy. wct: 4.2k

Song inspo: Moth to a Flame- Swedish Mafia House, The Weeknd

MDNI: 19+, warnings: rough sex, oral sex (m receiving), fingering, pet names (pretty, baby), degradation, cheating, a bit of edging, angst, no happy ending rahhh

Preview: “It’s like you’re trying to eat me alive, pretty,” Toji groaned when you decided to sink your teeth in his shoulder. It’s true, that’s all you wanted to do when you were around him, but he was acting as though his fingers weren’t petting the wetness that soaked your panties....

~~~

“The number you are trying to reach is unavailable at this time. Please leave a messa—”

You groaned into your phone. For once you tried to come home early and make a nice dinner for your boyfriend, no, your fiancé, but since it was a surprise he was still working. Supposedly. Hopefully.

You hung up then sighed. You felt pathetic. Staring down at the stupid plates you set out, the stupid expensive wine that you got at your engagement party, the stupid, cheesy candles you lit, it was like it was all a big charade and they would all come to life and start laughing at you. Your phone lets out a low vibration on the table and you lunge to pick it up, only for it to be an unknown number calling you. You stared at the string of numbers in confusion. You didn’t save it so it must’ve been a wrong caller, and you watched it ring through until you were staring at your reflection in the dark screen. 

You sighed and picked up the empty wine glasses to place them back in the cabinet, but went back to pour yourself a drink because you deserved it. You swirled the drink around in the cup, watching the whirlpool form in the center of your cup before your phone started to buzz again. You looked down at it curiously, and it was the same unknown number that had called you earlier. In fact, the longer that you looked at it, you remembered that this number has called you multiple times before over the month. You didn’t have it memorized, but the last four did look familiar. 

You stared at your phone ringing and picked it up on the final ring, slowly bringing it up to your ear. 

“Hello?”

“I thought you would never pick up,” drawled a voice. His voice was itching a part of your brain but the tunnel of time was shrouding its familiarity.

“Who is this?”

“Don’t say you forgot me already, pretty girl.”

Pretty girl. There was only one person who ever called you that, and the floodgates in your mind unlocked and the memories started pouring in. Years ago when you were a totally different person who held little to no morals. You worked hard to forget that part of your life, to completely change your image, but the devil himself couldn’t seem to let you go. Your grip on the wine glass stem tightened as your voice strained. 

“How did you get my number, Toji?”

He scoffed on the other line. “It wasn’t that hard. You seemed to forget everything you learned once you left the group. How’d you manage to do that anyways?”

“Why? You finally got tired of them?”

“No, but I miss my partner.”

“What do you want?” You cut straight to the point, not wanting to play around with him anymore. Your phone buzzed again and it was a text from none other than your fiancé, telling you that he went out with his friends. You remembered when your friends told you how perfect he was for you but the text only made you frown. 

“You see, I need a place to sleep tonight. I—“

“Toji.”

“Don’t be like that. It’ll be just like old times.”

“We used to sleep together in old times.”

“I can keep my hands to myself,” he said, but you could hear him smiling. “And you can’t really say no. I’m at the front door.”

In the same moment you heard a succinct knock at the foyer. You looked back at the phone but he already hung up, leaving you no other choice but to meet him there. 

You approached the door cautiously, peeking through the looking hole and gasping once you saw that his frame was really there. The pale moonlight couldn’t soften the sharp lines of his body, a body that you knew all too well. 

You opened the door but left the glass storm door closed to see all of Toji without letting him inside. 

“Hey pretty, got anything to eat?” He grinned at you, the scar on his lip stretching wide. “Gonna let me in?”

“How did you find out where I live?”

“You might have forgotten the group but they keep tabs on everyone. Even ex-members,” he said tiredly, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. It brought goosebumps to your skin knowing that you were never really free. You just found a larger cage. 

“It’s kinda cold out here,” he said and shook your door handle. Against your better judgment you unlocked it to let him in. His heavy boots echoed on the tile floor, his frame filled the door before fully stepping inside. He whistled once he was shelled from the nipping wind outside. “Nice place,” he picked up a porcelain pumpkin that you had sitting on a decorative table you had. He carefully put it back down and gave you a wolfish smile. “I’m starving.” 

“I might have something,” you mumbled and pushed past him to the dining area. He followed close behind and you were suddenly aware of how many times you were blinking. When you reached the table Toji saw the food that was still left out there and cocked his head to the side. 

“All this for me? You shouldn’t have.”

“Do you want to eat or not?”

“Seems like you were waiting for somebody else. Was it that boyfriend of yours?”

You felt your heart quicken in your chest. You were standing on the other side of the table, gripping the chair so hard you knuckles were devoid of color. 

“You know about him?”

“I know that you could do better,” he opened the covered plate that was meant for your fiance and picked at a potato wedge. “This is good. He’s really missing out.”

“Would that better be you?” You dared a glance at him and Toji stopped chewing. You saw his neck move as he swallowed the food in his mouth as he slowly made his way towards you. Your feet were cemented into the floor, blood rushing in your ears. 

“Do you think I’m better? I know that I can fuck you just how you like it,” Toji smirked. He pulled you closer to his body by your waist and you saw his face up close. He looked the same after all this time, even though it has only been five years since you decided to up and leave. Your eyes carefully traced his features. The deep eyes, his thick eyebrows, his full lips. They were forever etched into your mind.

Toji brushed a stray hair strand out of your face and frowned. “What happened to the curls? You swore that you would never straighten your hair.”

“I wanted to try something new,” you murmured. You tried to push his hand away but he just held your chin instead, forcing you to look up at him. You held his gaze but couldn’t name what emotion swam in his eyes. His hands were like hot brands searing through your clothes and you weren’t sure how much more of it you could take.

“Why’d you leave?”

It was the question that has plagued him for years. You left him, and he was so sure that it would be the other way around. He felt blindsided by your disappearance, and it bothered him more than he thought it would.

“I found someone,” you started, looking everywhere but Toji. “He made me feel good. Normal. Like I could start over,” you said quietly. The only other sound that could be heard were the ticks of your clock deep inside the house. 

“Is that so?” He murmured. You gave a slight nod but still avoided his eyes. “Is this the house you two share?”

“Yes...”

“But he’s not here. Where is he, baby?”

That was the million dollar question wasn’t it. You had no idea where your fiancé was, and he could walk in at any moment, but you couldn’t push Toji away. 

“I’ve seen the both of you together, you know? He looks like he’s got a stick up his ass, but any dumbass with eyes can tell that he cares for you, which only makes me fucking sick.” 

He leaned into your face, the hold on your chin growing tighter, and you forced yourself to look at his eyebrows instead of his intense eyes.

“Did you really move on from me that quickly? After everything we’ve been through?”

You thought about how you called Toji’s number hundreds of times during the first year. You all used burner phones in the group, and you knew the rotation. You knew that it would be a deadline but it was one of the few things you still had of his, and you clung to it for as long as you could. 

“I needed to. You should leave. We- We can’t do this,” you whispered. 

“Do you even mean that?” 

Toji held your waist tight and leaned down to kiss you. Your body froze up as he pressed his lips against yours, but he didn’t push it any further. He rested them on top of yours, waiting for you to push him away but you never did. Like a moth to a flame his soft touch only drew you in closer. You clutched the fabric on his chest like a lifeline and returned the kiss, gingerly wiping your tongue into his mouth.

You realized in that moment that the time spent away was fruitless. His lips were never forgotten and you moaned into his mouth. Toji took it as a good sign, tipping your head back to deepen the kiss. His large hand rested on the base of your neck, wrapping his fingers around your throat and slowly inching up until your heart was rapidly pulsing against his palm. You grabbed his shirt in your fist. If you were a better person you would push him away. You would push him away and tell him that you weren’t going to do this to your fiance, because you loved him very much, because you were going to get married in a few weeks, and you would tell him to leave.

That was the plan in your head, but Toji’s tongue explored your mouth and  everything in your head melted. You felt drunk off the kiss, sliding your other hand into the back of his head and kissing him harder. Then it was Toji’s turn to moan, pushing you back until you hit the dining table. Your hand shot out behind you to catch yourself, breaking the kiss for only a second, but he used that time to attack your neck. Heavy gasps left your lips while he sucked on the junction of your neck, and he eased you to sit on the table, spreading your legs so that they would wrap around his waist. You busied your hands with the task of pushing off his jacket, then warmed your fingers over his chest, searching for an opening to take off his clothes. You felt feral, an aching hunger for this man that you can’t shake off no matter how hard you try. 

“It’s like you’re trying to eat me alive, pretty,” Toji groaned when you decided to sink your teeth in his shoulder. It’s true, that’s all you wanted to do when you were around him, but he was acting as though his fingers weren’t petting the wetness that soaked your panties. He was teasing you, applying pressure to everywhere except where it mattered, and you looked up at him with watery eyes. He loved that look on you, so needy. On the verge of tears. He took your lips again, shoving your dress up at your waist and slipping your underwear off in one fluid movement that made you gasp. He pocketed the undergarment instead of throwing it across the room. You mumbled something on his lips to scold him but it was lost as soon as his fingers plunged inside of you, singeing all coherent thoughts in your mind up in smoke. 

Toji’s mouth never left your skin. If they weren’t on your lips, he was nibbled at your ear, or sucked on your collarbone, or kissed your shoulder, all while keeping a steady pace of fucking you with his hand. With only two fingers in your pussy he was on the fast track to making you come on his fingers. Labored breaths heaved out of your mouth as he continued to scissor his fingers in your sex and circle your clit with his thumb. He crooned into your ear, saying words that you have been dying to hear because you were too embarrassed to tell your fiancé what you really wanted, making your first orgasm sugary sweet despite his filthy words. 

“You’re gonna make a mess all over the table,” he chuckled, pulling his hand out for a moment to see your essence webbing in between your fingers. He brought it up to his mouth, salaciously licking his hand clean all while keeping eye contact with you. “I’m not saying your cooking isn’t good but nothing’s beating this.” 

You shifted uncomfortably on the table, your sex missing his fingers as it clenched around nothing. He stuffed the fingers he just cleaned into your mouth, surprising you for a moment but you knew what to do. You could still taste yourself on his skin. Sucking his fingers made you want more, and you moaned as he slightly thrusted them deeper into your mouth. 

“You’ve been needing me this bad? Looks like I don’t even have to fuck you,” he smirked. “Are you going to get off from a couple of fingers in your mouth?” You wished that you had some pride left in you, but you didn’t, not when it came to Toji, so you nodded and groaned just like he expected you to. Heat bloomed from your core and you grind your hips on the table. He pulled his fingers out of your mouth with a pop, then grabbed your throat and smashed his lips against yours. Blindly following suit, you held him as tight as you possibly could, your head getting lightheaded from the lack of air. With his hand still on your neck he slid you off of the table to stand up straight. It was almost too hard of a task for you to do. Your sex ached almost painfully, just hoping that he would give you anything. When he parted from your mouth, you stared at his spit covered lips and felt hazy. 

“On your knees, pretty,” he whispered, and like there were magnets on the floor you dropped down to the cool tile. Toji’s bulge was eye level, and you carefully tugged on his zipper to try to free him. When you pulled his length out of his pants, the tip was a raging pink with a bead of precome sitting on top. You pumped your hand around him, looking up with reverent eyes as his eyelashes fluttered from your touch. There was no preamble with your mouth as you took him in as far back as you could. Unlike Toji, you weren’t one for teasing. Not in this state. You filled your mouth with him, not stopping until your nose was tickeled by the hair on his pelvis. Toji watched you in awe as you gagged on his cock. Your hands tightened around his thighs, clenching him tighter when you were having a hard time breathing. 

Toji couldn’t resist himself when he took his hand and pushed you down his length. He was so overwhelmed with the feeling of your tongue on the underside of his cock and how you were still gently massaging his balls that he got a little angry. Angry at the fact that you’ve probably done the same thing with your so-called fiancé. He got to see your tear stained face at this angle too and it pissed Toji off the more he thought about it. 

“I could fuck any hole of yours and you’d be happy with that,” he sneered when he held you flush against his pelvis. Your nails dug into his skin but you didn’t tap him, letting him know that he’s going too far. He watched your eyes blow wide and pulled your mouth off of his cock. Only enough to let you breathe, a line of spit still attached to the tip, before sliding you right back down. He did that over and over again until your lips were swollen and drool ran down your chin. Toji felt himself on the precipice of an orgasm and dragged you off and up to his face again, wanting to come somewhere much better than your mouth. Who knows, if you let him stay the night he would give you a pearl necklace for all of your troubles. His hand found your neck again when he melded his lips to yours. From the waist down you were making an embarrassing mess between your legs, one that grew more and more apparent when Toji petted through your drenched folds. 

“Toji, if you’re going to fuck me do it now,” you nearly growled. He roughly turned your around to suck on the junction of your neck. You reached back to hold him close to your body, panting when his hand roamed over the fabric of your dress and kneaded your breast. The heat of his cock seared your lower back and you slipped back into incomprehensible, amorous need for him. You wanted to spread your legs wide for him, but he bent you over the table and bracketed his legs around yours. 

“I need you to understand…” he started, rubbing his length between your ass. You hissed at the movement but tears started to gather in your eyes. The tablecloth bunched tightly in your hands from frustration. You needed him to just ram inside but he wanted to fuck with your first. “…that you were never his. This pretty little pussy was always mine, right?” 

The reason why Toji didn’t let you open your legs just yet was to fuck the inside of your thighs. The tip of his cock rubbed against your aching clit when he slid between you. Your cunt covered him with slick, making it easy for him to slip in between, but the more he thrusted the more of your dignity began to chip away. 

“I bet you still have the pictures we took together. How many times have I fucked you dumb till you cried, baby?” 

“So many times, Toji,” you whined, wiggling your hips to match his hips. “I missed you so much just do something.”

A sharp sting surprised you from behind. Toji smacked your ass hard, then pulled the crown of your scalp to deepen the arch in your back. The table clattered beneath you, and you whimpered at his voice now deep in your ear. 

“Does he know how much of a slut you can be? Begging for another man to fuck you in the home you share together.”

“You haven’t fucked me yet so maybe I’m not that bad,” you spat out. A deep chuckle escaped Toji’s mouth, one that ran down your spine and settled in your tiptoes. You attempted to look back to him but he shoved his cock deep inside of your walls and you froze. It was familiar and new, too much but not enough, all at the same time. Your head dropped and you once again tugged at the table cloth to try to steady yourself but it was futile. Toji barely gave you anytime to adjust from his size before pulling out and slamming back into you. He was longer and thicker than your fiancé, and your future husband never fucked you with such vigor. 

Toji’s hand bruises your hips with his hands, driving his cock deeper than anything that has been inside of you since you’ve been with him last. Staccato sobs rise from your throat and echo around the house. Toji fucks you with reckless abandon, barely holding on since you had used your mouth on him first. He missed this view of you. The curve of your back that had dimples for his thumbs made it impossible for him to control himself. Watching your pussy swallow him was a beautiful sight. He would make sure that you would never forget this night, or dare try to forget about him ever again. 

“Did he ever fuck you, pretty? You’re about to snap my dick in half.”

“D-don’t talk about h-him right now,” you struggled to speak when Toji was churning your insides. 

“You’re right. It doesn’t matter what he did because I did it first and I’m doing it better,” he laughed. Toji was laughing while you squeezed your eyes shut and tried to focus on your breathing. As if he wasn’t reaching the end of you well enough, he lifted one of your legs to rest on the table and crowded over you. His palms stretched out on the table near yours, caging you in and filling your senses with him. Toji was encompassing your whole being and you failed at holding yourself up when he rubbed the spot deep inside of you just right. A violent orgasm threatened to rip through you and Toji could tell. He knew your body so well that he snaked his hand down to you with your clit once again. Stars burst in your vision and you hunched over. 

“I’m about to come,” you rushed out, like that meant anything to him. It was scary how well your body took him, but it was going to end as quickly as it started because Toji needed you to come first. Your swollen clit was going to be the death of you since he focused on it so intently while you begged nonsensical things from him. It all fell on deaf ears because the rhythmic sound of his hips slappingyour ass fueled him to go harder. 

“I’m going to fuck you so good you’ll feel be for days,” he grunted, nearing the end himself. He felt a tightness in his lower back that couldn’t be ignored. He slowed his strokes to focus on precision, aiming to curve right against your g spot and felt triumphant when your legs quivered even harder. 

“Toji fuck fuck fuck—“ You begged for him to slow down but he wouldn’t do that, not when he was so close to a mind blowing orgasm himself. You were shaking and sucking him in when your orgasm took you that he wildly fucked you with all he had left and then some until his legs felt sore. His hips pistoled into yours, emptying his come deep inside and he stood over you for a moment. Toji’s cock filling you up nearly sent you over again. Nothing he could do would ever be enough, but when your breathing and his slowed down the weight of what you did came down on you with a suffocating gravity. 

Toji carefully pulled out of you and stared at the mess he made. Your ass and thighs had a slight red undertone, your sex dripping from both of your orgasms. He wanted to take a picture of it, something that he has done before, but from the way you got off the table he knew that you were putting your walls back up. He tucked himself back in his pants and tried to take your arm to help you steadily sit in a chair but you swatted his help away. 

“Get out,” you said quietly. He thought he misheard you since your face was covered by your hair but you repeated yourself louder. 

“You’re kicking me out?” He asked incredulously. 

“God, Toji don’t you understand? I left you for a reason. I can’t— we can never do that again.” You adjusted your dress on the chair and tried to ignore the way you could feel his come making the fabric wet. 

“Are you mad that we did it or are you mad that you liked it?” Toji stood in front of you with sharp eyes. You couldn’t look at him because he would drag the truth out of you, and the answer was both. You couldn’t believe you gave in so easy and you were mad at how good it felt to be with him again. How pathetically you gave into his whims. You still had an unreasonably soft spot for him despite all of your efforts and you hated it. 

“If you know what’s best for you you’d leave,” you said dully. Toji ran his hand through his hair and paced shortly in front of you. You weren’t budging on your stance. You stared through him, past him like he wasn’t even there anymore. He scoffed, heading towards the door behind you and grabbing the handle. Before he left, you heard him say one last thing to you. 

“We will always take you back. The organization needs someone like you.”

“They have you.”

“I need you.” Those three words nearly broke your resolve. You almost turned around and left with him, leaving everything here behind. But you didn’t. You stayed at the dining table until you heard the front door open and shut. After sitting in silence for what seemed like ages you cleaned up the mess you made feverishly. A gnawing guilt started to eat you from the inside and you called your fiancé one last time. 

“The number you are trying to reach is unavailable at this time. Please leave a message at the tone.”

“I did something that you should never forgive me for , so the wedding’s off. I’ll put the ring on the dresser. I’m leaving. I’m sorry.” 

[cetaitlaverite]

Why All This Music?

Masters of the Air - Rosie Rosenthal x OC

happy VE day!!! masterlist is here <3

15. Best and Worst

New Year's Eve. A night in a packed pub instead of the officers’ club. Warm fire in the fireplace and warm lighting spilling over the pub-goers. Laughter and the squealing of young women being twirled around the dance floor. Loud music and a glass smashing somewhere. The heckling of the British crowd in response.

Meatball sat at Freddie’s feet, as he always did, leaning his head against one of her shins. She sat on Rosie’s lap in the absence of enough chairs. Most of the other Riveters were standing. Millie was sitting on Jem’s lap and Amy was on Paddy’s. Cecelia had managed to secure leave to see her boyfriend. And Emma, it seemed, was currently in the process of falling in love with an officer of the RAF who had asked her for one dance and given her six.

Everything was a little bit fuzzy, the effect that just the right side of too much alcohol tended to have. Freddie had had a few glasses of wine to celebrate the occasion. She kind of really hated New Year’s. 

“You know who would love this?” Freddie said to Rosie, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck with the arm slung over his shoulders. 

He was in the middle of a sip of beer but turned his eyes to her nonetheless. “Who?” he asked once he’d put the glass back down.

Freddie grinned. “Earnie.”

Rosie laughed. “He would.” That little dog loved to be the centre of attention and there was no shortage of people to give it to him here. Rosie could just imagine him running beneath people’s legs and yapping as he searched for his next victim, then demanding to be picked up and carried around like one of the glasses in everyone’s hands.

Freddie smiled. She loved that she could share things about home with Rosie now. That when she spoke of her dogs he could imagine them, could hear their barks as well as see their eyes and feel their fur, just as she did. That when she spoke of different rooms in her house he knew where they were. That when she spoke of her parents he could speak back.

“I miss him,” Freddie said, leaning her head against Rosie’s. “And Bruno and my parents, too, of course. But I miss getting to cuddle Earnie so much right now.”

Rosie smiled sadly, aware of her resentment of the occasion, and gestured towards the tiny puddle of wine lingering in her glass. “You want another drink?”

“Come do a shot, Fred,” Millie called across the table. “You, me, and Jem.”

“Yes, let’s let the recovering alcoholic toss back whiskey like it’s water again,” Jem drawled around a sip of her beer. “That sounds like a great idea.”

“Shut up, Jem,” Millie snapped even as Freddie laughed. “You would’ve done the same if you were me.”

“I would’ve done worse,” Jem countered.

“I certainly did,” Freddie supplied, just because she wanted to make Millie feel better.

Mercifully, Millie giggled. “I so wish I would’ve gotten to see you street racing in stolen RAF jeeps.”

Pappy, standing beside Millie and Jem’s chair, choked on his sip of beer. “What?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Freddie brushed him aside with a flick of her wrist. 

“That why you’re so good at dogfighting, Fred?” Rosie asked around a smirk. “And here you had me believing you were a rookie.”

“Rosie,” Freddie whined, nudging him with her shoulder. “Would you stop bringing that up?” He loved to tease her about the night he’d ‘taught’ her to fly a B-17 and she’d insisted on pretending to dogfight in it. Though she’d been plastered at the time, unfortunately she remembered the event in vivid detail if only because between them Rosie and Millie had refused to let her forget.

“Come do a shot,” Millie insisted, redirecting the conversation. “Just one.” She pouted, holding up her pointer finger and making puppy-dog eyes.

Jem snorted. “You stick that lip out any further and birds’ll shit on it, Mils.”

Freddie tipped her head back as she laughed.

“Fred,” Millie insisted.

“Fine!” she exclaimed, giggling. “One shot.”

“Yay!” Millie cheered.

“Who’s buying?” Jem asked as she waited for Millie to climb off her lap before standing herself.

“The barman fancies Fred,” Millie said dismissively as she reached to help Freddie detangle herself from both Rosie and Meatball.

Rosie guffawed. “I’ll pay -”

“No,” Jem snapped. “You can let Freddie have a little flirt for free shots, Rosie, it won’t do you any harm.”

Freddie and Millie giggled as they linked arms.

“Non-boyfriends don’t get boyfriend privileges, Rosie,” Millie taunted over her shoulder. With that, she linked her elbow with Jem’s on her other side so the three of them wouldn’t get separated in the crowd and started dragging Freddie and Jem to the bar.

Bailey chuckled into his beer as Rosie frowned, petting Meatball briefly when he looked up at him but mainly attempting to get eyes on the girls at the bar.

“You’ve got your hands full there, Rosie,” Bailey said, sharing a smirk sidelong with Pappy.

“You buy one you buy the lot,” Paddy commented, grinning.

“All three of them are as bad as each other,” Amy put in from Paddy’s lap. “No idea how Brady ever handled Millie. The two of them used to be forever at each other’s throats. Next thing you know, she’s in a downward spiral because he’s gone down somewhere over Germany and we’re all finding out for the first time that they were together.” 

“What about Jem?” Bailey asked.

Amy and Paddy both turned their eyes on him, slow and sly. “Why?” Paddy said. “You interested, Bailey?”

“Wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you,” Amy said, taking out a pack of cigarettes from her bag and shaking one out.

Pappy hummed, thoughtful. “I always thought she and Bucky might -”

“What?!” Paddy cut him off. “No. Absolutely not.”

“Aw, come on. The way she used to slap him around and stuff -”

“Absolutely not,” Paddy repeated resolutely.

“Absolutely not what?” Jem asked, returning from the bar with a fresh beer even though the one she’d left behind was still half-full.

“Nothing!” Amy and Paddy insisted at once.

Jem rolled her eyes but didn’t inquire further. Rosie got the impression she didn’t altogether care very much.

Millie returned to the table a moment later and stared at Jem expectantly, waiting for her to sit down so she could sit back on her lap. She, too, had a fresh drink even though she hadn’t needed one.

“Where’s Fred?” Rosie asked.

“Some locals were having a go about her wireless ops speaking German to each other. She went over to have a word,” Millie said. She sipped her new beer and then her old beer in turn, holding one in each hand.

“She alright?” He didn’t like the thought of it.

“She’s fine,” Jem dismissed him. “She’s got it handled.”

“Now listen here, you Jerry bitch -!” an older man barked from the other side of the dance floor.

All eyes shot to him and found Freddie in his face.

“Oh dear,” said Millie.

“I was born in Oxford!” Freddie insisted, refusing to shy away even when he was getting closer and closer to her. 

“Don’t speak that filthy language around here,” the man threatened her, nostrils flaring. His beer was sloshing all over his hand as he held it aloft.

“Us speaking that ‘filthy language’ is saving Allied lives,” Freddie spat. “I have been working for the RAF for almost five years, how much have you been doing?”

“Fucking spying on us, are ya?” The man scoffed. “I wouldn’t go around bragging about that if I was you, love.”

“Spying on you?” Freddie laughed. “You don’t know piss all about the Allied war effort. I’d be better off asking Adolf Hitler.”

“Why don’t you run and fucking ask him then, little snitching bitch -”

“Alright, that’s enough,” Rosie said, stepping between the two of them to force them apart. “Come on, Fred, calm down,” he insisted when she wouldn’t look at him, just carried on staring past him at the man smirking his toothless smirk.

“Yeah,” the man goaded, “come muzzle your Boche bitch.”

Before Rosie could get a word in, Jem had punched the man in the face. One snap of her arm and the blood came pouring. No one had seen it coming, not least the man who fell victim to it. With a cry and the windmilling of his arms he stumbled backwards, dropping his mostly empty pint of beer and clutching at his nose, taking a few other men down with him as he went crashing into a table.

“You watch that filthy mouth of yours or it’ll get you worse than that, so help me,” Jem snarled as she moved to stand over him.

“Enough!” shouted an authoritative voice. Imelda, the owner of the pub, was scowling as she approached. “You can go home,” she told the man still clutching at his bleeding nose as he half-draped himself over the table. “Should be with your wife and children anyway, you poor excuse for a man. And you -” Here she turned to Jem. “You cause chaos in my pub one more time, Jemima, and you will be banned for good, do you hear me?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Jem said but she was grinning. 

“I’m serious. I know he’s a prick but I can’t have you throwing punches at the first sign of trouble.”

“Filthy mouth on him,” Jem muttered, shaking out her hand.

Imelda sighed. “Come get some ice.” She saw to it that the man who had started the trouble was escorted out before placing a hand on Jem’s back to lead her to the storeroom. Before she went on her way, however, she turned to Freddie. “Maybe go and get some air, Freddie, love, you’re all flushed.”

“I’m sorry for causing trouble,” Freddie told her quietly. Gone was her earlier fury, replaced with all the guilt of a child being told off. 

Imelda smiled both indulgently and reassuringly at her. “I know it wasn’t your fault, Freddie, dear. Just let’s ask your colleagues to keep the German to a minimum when it’s this crowded, ay?”

Freddie cracked a smile at this, nodding. “Yes, of course. I will do. Thank you.”

Imelda nodded, reached out to give her arm a squeeze, and then led Jem away to get some ice for her hand.

Millie, behind Rosie, sighed. “Take her out the back way, Rosie,” she said, sounding exhausted. “Just in case the bastard’s still out front.”

Rosie nodded and Millie turned to leave. 

Freddie frowned, hugging her arms around herself. “I left my drink.”

Millie rolled her eyes but she didn’t quite manage to hide her smile in time. “You don’t need to drink any more wine tonight, Fred,” Millie told her. “Apparently it makes you feisty.”

Freddie scoffed. Rosie laughed.

“Your wireless girls are doing fine,” Millie assured Freddie next. “Go and take a breather, alright?”

Freddie nodded, docile now that the chaos had passed, and allowed Rosie to lead her out the back door of the pub into the beer garden.

It was empty in the middle of winter and dark against the blackout blinds. The stars were out but the moon wasn’t, not really, not for all the light it was giving them. The stars, though, were bright, allowing them to make out first the rows of empty benches, then the trees at the far end of the garden, and then each other, standing close together beside the closed door as they waited for their eyes to adjust.

“It’s chilly,” Freddie said, just to say something, really.

Rosie leaped into action, reaching to unbutton his jacket.

“No!” Freddie exclaimed, giggling softly at him. “No, it’s okay, keep it on. You’ll freeze.”

“I’ll be fine -”

“I’ve got my own jacket,” Freddie assured him. “I’ll be fine. The alcohol is warming me up, anyway.”

Rosie cracked a grin. “Right.”

Turning away from him, Freddie surveyed the nearest bench in an attempt to gauge whether it was wet. Satisfied that it wasn’t, she moved to sit on it and Rosie followed behind her, sitting by her side.

“I hate what the Nazis have done to the German language,” she spoke up after a while. “Those girls in there - Anneliese and Jana - they represent everything the Nazis hate. Jews who escaped their grip and are now using their own language against them. And yet they’re insulted like they’re the worst of them just for using the language, even in the country they’re trying to help.”

Rosie sighed. “That guy - he has no idea about anything anyone’s doing in this war. No idea what we’re all out here fighting for. But you said it yourself - he’s doing nothing while you and those girls are working tirelessly to bring bombers like me home again. And you can only do that because of your German.”

Freddie smiled sadly as she looked over at him through the darkness. “I love German. I’ve always loved it. Because I spent so much of my childhood in Vienna, in some ways it feels more natural to me than English. I just hope the Nazis don’t turn me against it. It’s a beautiful language, really.”

“It is,” Rosie agreed. “When you speak it, at least.”

Freddie gave a little laugh, hitting him lightly in the arm. “Flirt.”

Inside the pub, the music changed. Instantly, Freddie perked up. “I love this song,” she breathed.

Rosie watched her face as she listened to it. His eyes got stuck on her gentle smile. “Fred,” he began shyly, “would you like to dance with me?”

Freddie’s eyes shot to him and searched his face. He watched a multitude of emotions pass over her.

Dancing. She still hadn’t done it since Daniel. But maybe she was tired of not dancing. Maybe, in the midst of this war that just kept on coming, that didn’t ever seem like it was going to end, what she really needed was to dance. 

And here was Rosie, all sweet and shy and charming. So, so patient with her. He was hanging on even though she knew she’d given him little reason to. No kisses, no dances, no lingering touches and scarcely many hugs. Why did he keep on waiting for her? More importantly, why did she keep on making him wait?

Freddie reached for his hand and took it, smiling at him through her lashes. “I would love to dance with you, Rosie.” She stood and led him over to the small clearing between the benches and the door, placed one arm around his neck and left her other hand in his, smiling as he wrapped his other arm around her waist.

“It’s been a while since I’ve done this,” she admitted as she found her footing. Once upon a time she had danced all the time. Now she was unsure of where her feet were supposed to be going.

“I’ve got you,” Rosie reassured her, using his hand on her back to bring her closer. “Not letting you go anywhere.”

“I don’t want to step on your toes,” she confessed with an embarrassed laugh.

Rosie’s eyes sparkled as he shared her smile. “If you’re stepping on them it’s because I put them in your way, and that’s my problem, not yours.”

Freddie laughed, loud in the quiet, and rested her head on his chest right over his heart. It was racing beneath her ear. She would have liked to make some smug comment about making him nervous but she knew hers must have been just the same.

They danced in silence for a while, listening to the muffled music reach them through the walls. Freddie shut her eyes and let Rosie guide her, trusted that he wouldn’t lead her astray.

Wanting to be closer to him, all of a sudden much too far away, Freddie lifted her head and rested her forehead against his cheek. She smiled as she felt his muscles twitch where he clearly wanted to smile as well.

They swayed gently even as the rhythm picked up speed, curled into each other like they’d always been that way. Their breathing synched and so did their heartbeats, both of them committing the feeling of being pressed so close to memory.

“Feeling brave, Fred?” Rosie asked quietly as the song approached its crescendo.

Freddie smiled. “I trust you.”

Rosie pulled just slightly away so he could use her hand to twirl her, then caught her as she came back to him and grinned at her smile. 

“Again,” Freddie insisted, laughing.

So again he twirled her, and then again, until she was so dizzy she had to stop and lean her weight against him once more.

They swayed together into the next song, both of Freddie’s arms around Rosie’s back and both of his around hers. Her forehead resumed its perch against his cheek. Rosie ducked his head to make it easier for her to reach.

“It’ll be midnight soon,” Freddie whispered after a long while of silence. The muffled songs in the pub were getting jollier and jollier as the end of the year approached. But jolly though they felt, Freddie and Rosie kept on dancing like the music was slow and romantic, pressed together like they were trying to hold a feather aloft between them.

Rosie hummed his acknowledgement of this fact.

“Mils, Jem, and I have a tradition at midnight,” Freddie informed him. “They’ll kill me if I miss it.”

“Five more minutes,” Rosie whispered, holding her closer.

Freddie smiled. “Two.”

“Three,” he bargained.

“Done.”

But they stayed out there for ten, until the sounds of increased movement inside the pub informed them that midnight was well and truly on its way, unstoppable in its approach.

Rosie guided Freddie back inside with a protective hand on the small of her back, making sure no one gave her trouble as she navigated their way back to the table.

Millie and Jem jumped to their feet when they saw her. “Finally,” Jem said, now with a bandage wrapped around the knuckles of her left hand. “We thought you may have forgotten.”

Freddie scoffed, affronted. “Never.”

“One minute to midnight!” someone in the crowd announced.

Rosie resumed his seat while Pappy slipped into the one Millie and Jem had vacated. Freddie, Millie, and Jem formed a circle beside the table.

“Best and worst,” Millie said. “Go.”

“Best when Jones fell down the stairs,” Jem said, snorting just at the memory. “Worst, that Münster mission.”

“Best when I met John,” Millie said with a wistful smile. “Worst when I lost him.”

“Best when I met Rosie,” Freddie said, blushing because she knew he could hear her. “Worst when we lost all our boys in Münster.”

“But next year…” Millie started.

“But next year will be brighter, happier, healthier,” they chorused as one. “And we’ll see each other through.”

“Ten,” the crowd in the pub started chanting, “nine…”

“I have a good feeling about this one,” Millie said.

“Six, five…” 

“1944 will be our year!” exclaimed Jem.

“Two, one - happy new year!”

All at once, the three of them pressed a kiss to the cheek of the girl to their right. Freddie kissed Millie, Millie kissed Jem, and Jem kissed Freddie. “Kisses!” they all exclaimed once they’d pulled back with an exaggerated smacking sound.

They all laughed and hugged, bundling in tight, swaying from side to side as they told each other how much they loved each other and how they just knew the next year was going to be kind to them. And when they all eventually let go and moved to hug the rest of their group, and Freddie let Rosie wrap her up in a warm bear hug, she thought for the first time that she might actually believe it.