#because usually that's a big ol' red flag for me
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nesta-apologist · 5 months ago
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ACOSF would have been bad from Feyre's perspective
If ACOSF had been from Feyre's perspective it would have been really difficult to read (and not really because of Nesta - that situation would just be a contributing factor)
Rhysand is being incredibly pissy and Feyre doesn't know why for a majority of the book. He's just generally grumpy and more protective over her. Yeah she's accepted that pregnancy would be that way ... but even the IC + Nesta thinks it's too much until they find out why, exactly, Rhys is being so difficult
The pregnancy complications, which Rhys isn't sharing with her. Meaning he's holding it all in, and she can't even help, let alone know about her own fate. It's a lose-lose situation for both Feyre and Rhys that he decided not to tell her. Moving on.
Rhys' way of making up with her after arguments is basically never admitting she's right or finding common ground, it's usually just sex and other physical favors. Don't get me wrong, Feyre does seem happy with it, but Rhys isn't actually solving the problems with this, he's just making Feyre less mad at him. Just a big ol' red flag for me
Rhys and Nesta also clash anytime they see each other. I don't need to elaborate on how stressful that is to Feyre, it's so obvious
Above point x2 because Mor and Amren hate Nesta so much
Feyre's concerned about Nesta's recovery. She likely couldn't be as involved as she might have been if it weren't for the pregnancy, but even then she and Nesta are pretty consistently at each other's throats. There was just no room to work on their relationship here. The whole intervention thing was a last resort for Feyre, as she'd wanted to give Nesta time to process, and it didn't seem like she was that convinced this idea would work (it was Rhysand's idea, Feyre just agreed to it under pressure). Especially after Elain went to visit just to get into an argument with Nesta. Yes, Cassian might have been reporting back that she was making progress but even he was definitely still on edge the whole time. Not to mention that everyone (unfairly) treats Nesta like a ticking time bomb. I just imagine this stress was a relatively consistent weight on her shoulders
When Nesta finally fucking tells her about her pregnancy complications, she has to gracefully deal with the emotional fall-out of both realizing that everyone lied to her and that everyone is blaming Nesta for this problem. She literally encourages Cassian to get Nesta out of there just so Rhys can't get to her? Horrible
Feyre is also still pregnant! and the struggles of pregnancy aren't going anywhere just because she's in a near-constant argue/make-up cycle with Rhys
So in conclusion, Feyre was not having an incredibly happy time just because she didn't know about the inevitable birth complications. I can't imagine the whole of ACOSF wasn't incredibly draining for her in the background. It's a wonder to me she holds herself as gracefully as she does this whole time.
I'm sure I'm even missing some stuff because I read the book about a month ago. Feel free to correct me if I misremembered something, but
Everyone talks about how Rhys kind of started to seem like a villain in ACOSF. Peopl say it's just because it's Nesta's POV, but just look at his actions, well-meaning or not (I'm not saying he's good or bad (not here at least) but it's pretty clear he's not being all that helpful here).
ACOSF would have been full of emotional turmoil no matter who's POV it was
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lanabuckybarnes · 7 months ago
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Brain rot, Brain rot.
18+ Minors DNI
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(I do not own any photos used, credits go to the original owners)
A little piece I’ve created about my favourite roles that Seb has played (the ones I’ve watched so far) because Mr Lee Bodecker and Nick have got me in a literal chokehold.
( I know about their red flags but girlies im colourblind).
Just wanted to try something a little different, Warnings are under the cut.
Pairing: Lee Bodecker x reader, Nick Fowler x reader, Steve Kemp x reader, Bucky x reader
Warnings: Spoilers for the movies, mention of Cheating (It’s Lee being unfaithful per usual), Dark Lee, Manipulation, Throat fucking, Size kink, Breeding Kink, Mentions of Pregnancy, Daddy Kink, Overstimulation, Teasing, Cock Warming, Pussy Eating, Mentions of Cannibalism, Biting, Dry Humping, Dark Steve I suppose (Steve being Steve), Voyeurism. DO NOT READ IF THESE TRIGGER YOU, if I’ve missed any warnings please let me know.
Whew Lordy.
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Lee bodecker is a filthy man, with 100+ glaring red flags and you still peruse him?! It’s a wonder the townsfolk don’t have you sent to the looney bin. He absolutely loves it when his little mistress (you) wraps herself in his leather coat, just the thought of you wearing it gets him all possessive.
He loves a lady he can manipulate— bend and train to his will. A girl that when he comes stomping into her little cottage she’s there with a steak on the table and her mouth open for him. Not only does a sweet little lady appeal to him because of their naivety but because of just how shy and innocent they really are.
If you in a pretty white frock while he fucks your face is the last thing he sees as he closes his eyes on this world, he’ll die a happy man.
Also size kink demon, loves when his thick hand engulfs your thigh or when you have to go onto your toes to kiss him, loves it when one of his big ole palms can hold your wrists above your head while he pounds away at you. It’s like a ritual now for him to sit his fat length over your pussy just before he plunges in, he loves imagining just how deep he’ll be hitting you when he fucks you.
Talks about getting you pregnant A LOT. You never knew it was a kink till you were talking with some of the older ladies about your ‘mystery man’. When you brought up the fact that he’s constantly moaning about swelling that little belly up, giving you his son, they all confirmed what he was experiencing was a thing most ‘manly men’ felt. They assured you it would be a great honour to have a man’s son but you played with the hem of your dress in guilt and shame, he wasn’t your husband and he thought of you as nothing more than his little side piece to make up for his boring wife.
Please ride this man while wearing his hat, he will not survive.
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Nick Fowler, I don’t really know much about him— I mostly watched clips of him on YouTube but I just imagine him with a phat daddy kink. When you whimper daddy for the first time he just about spurts right then and there.
Loves teasing the shit outta you, how many times have you came on his fingers and tongue? You don’t know but you feel fucked out— you don’t think you could handle another, Nick just scoffs.
“Come on baby another for me” he encourages, his sopping fingers circling your sensitive bud and all you can do is lie back and take it.
When he’s had a real bad day all he wants is for you to get those fucking clothes off and sit on his cock, you don’t have to move he just wants to feel your warmth and how you squeeze against him.
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Now if you think you were insane to go after someone like Lee you must actually be crazy to let Steve near you, even after finding out his little ploy, how you were nothing more than meat to him— you still let him fuck you. This man knows how to eat, he’s down there for every course, slowly spreading your folds with his fingers and liking a strip up from your hole to your clit before diving straight in. He’ll have you loosing your voice over the way you scream when he drags orgasm after orgasm out of your pretty body
Constantly talks about eating your flesh while he kisses you, occasionally biting down nice and hard leaving teeth marks all over the meaty parts of your body. Even before you found out he was a cannibal he’d be biting and licking on you, he called it sampling the meat before he bought in.
Dress up nice and pretty for him, he loves it. He loves nice light colours and lacy material, the way it makes your skin look all flawless and doesn’t clash with the dark marks he’s given you has him hard in his pants quicker than you could imagine. Another man who loves being fully clothed while you’re practically naked. Has cum in his pants an embarrassing amount of times when you’ve straddled him, grinding your lace covered kitty against his bulge.
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Although I write about him all the time I can never fully flesh out one of the fantasy’s I think of him in. This man, although awfully shy about his sex life with others, will and has absolutely ruined you in public places. A restaurant, he’s played with your little clit under the table and fucked you in one of the bathroom stalls, in a car while you, Sam and Steve were going on a road trip. Even once in Tony’s house during a party— Tony had almost caught you two bumping and grinding in his laundry room, the thought of how close you two were to being caught had Bucky biting on your shoulder and coming all up your back quicker than he’d ever done before.
I have no idea where all these come from but I’m loving it.
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moonsquaremars · 1 year ago
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what in the actual fuck.
i thought i had met the one. no, for real this time. i say that every time i meet a guy. i swear.
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my chart
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his
he was chubby, just my type, and we did the same drugs. grew up in the same part of town. he had a house and a job. bingo.
i ask if he knows his moon sign, he responds that he doesn’t know what it’s currently in. i had to ask him to repeat himself because of how disbelief i was in. i coulda melted there on the floor.
later he shows me his printed out natal chart and i examine it on his bed.
unfortunately i do our synastry chart and he only had one key aspect. most of my exes usually have more than one. first red flag, i ignore.
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keep telling myself maybe he only has one because he’s the one key for me. even though the key aspect was a bad one.
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he’s a cancer sun like me. my lilith is also in cancer and supposedly that means you attract the darker aspects of that sign. that would line up. his moon is in gemini, mine is in virgo. kinda at odds there. he constantly wanted to argue. like to the point where it didn’t make sense. like pulling arguments out of thin air and kept running out of ideas.
all his personal planets are in cancer. mine are in gemini. his moon is in libra 7th house, my uranus is in 7th house. i have a tattoo of uranus glyph on my ring finger because it’s my favorite planet for what it represents in astrology. supposedly moon in 7th makes needy for like constant social interaction and having people around. also adds up. he has a lot of friends, and he’d use that to hurt me.
he had pluto in 11th house. i have mars, mercury, and venus there. i really feel like he livened me up. helped me see a light and grow comfortable in my skin and environment. pluto is power and i definitely felt empowered.
my sun is in 12th house, his was in 8th. compatible houses. we talked about spirits and the occult. he told me he had seen a demon one time. it made me fall for him harder. i have a vacant 8th house so it really piqued my interest. i thought it was cute, sexy. an 8th house sun.
he had outer planets in the 12th house, and a bunch in his 1st and 2nd. i have a vacant 1st house. not my favorite house to be honest. could explain why he’s such a dick and ok with hurting others. i feel like first house is a self centered house.
2nd house, i have my moon there. another placement that makes sense. i thought i could make a home with him. i loved his home. i wanted to learn everything about him and spend years with him. i looked at him and saw a husband.
but it got so sour so fast. he wouldn’t let up. it makes me think he was sabotaging it, us. for reasons unknown. maybe he’s just a bpd narcissist and there’s no sense to make. maybe it’s cuz his ex died and his mother is also deceased. i have no clue. maybe it’s just because he’s a big ol bottom.
but i really thought he was the one. i hate that so much of his chart made sense, but i’ve felt like this before about someone. it really hurts having to constantly let go.
we also had north node and chiron conjunct. i thought that was interesting because not a lot of people have that placement ? or maybe they do ? but his were located in gemini in the 7th house. mine are located in libra in the 3rd house. isn’t that so ironic? it’s like it’s mirrored.
he was also born in 1984 which was so sexy to me because george orwell. but he is kinda small minded and i feel diminished my shine in some ways. im just so upset. this doesn’t make any sense to me.
if you’ve read this and have any observations or insight, i’d love to hear it.
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cptapathy · 5 months ago
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In the tags of a recent reblog you started to go into the lore of your icon, you had me at "Demon who's in a polyamorous relationship with a viking and a witch". So who is your icon? And would you do me the honor of telling me more about their lore?
Child of corruption,
destined to fall
The alchemists daughter
Abandoned and small
Past claimed by flames
And death and destruction
A future of danger
yet heart open and welcome
With lives on the line
Her mind held her tongue
Her lover was lost
When her feelings were young
Doomed to end
Yet others died first
She blackened her soul
To break their curse
Her family reforged
Her love kindled new
Her future in sight
Her drive renewed
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I'm gonna edit this post on my PC when I get home from work for like layout and more art
Alarë Awarthiel meaning she-who-grows daughter-of-abandon
Later Vanya meaning fair or beautiful which was a name suggested by her witch girlfriend
She is a traditionally beautiful woman, with dark purple skin, long flowing brown hair, leathery wings, cloven hooves and a dump truck of a rack and arse. She underwent a bit of a corrupted transformation and her hands are now distinctly more claw like with glowing infernal tattoos up her arms, she has glowing magenta eyes and a dark scar across her face.
Are you ready for a (heavily condensed) lore drop, because this is a big ol lore drop below the cut.
First a bit of background, in this setting use of magic or "sins" corrupts a soul, functionally this means if you cast too many or too powerful a spell you risk becoming corrupted, or if you go about killing people. Get too corrupted, and you turn into a monster.
No One really knew how tieflings came about but, the were always more vulnerable to corruption and would almost always become monsters when they were in their mid 40s or younger. Usually the transformation would occur due to strong negative emotions. (Alarë was not aware of this curse)
Alarë is a tiefling, on her fathers side, she grew up in a small village where her father was the village alchemist and she took to botany and alchemy readily.
When she was 15, her mum died of a disease and her dad, broken hearted, became a monster. Alarë killed the monster that was her father to protect herself. She then ran away and for 6 years was a travelling alchemist, before heading north to find the origin of her curse and to maybe stop it.
On her journey, she met her two girlfriends
Sigrid arnaulf, city guard, turned eldritch ranger. OC of @rebockey
Sigrid is a muscly boat building warrior who is trying to figure out who/what to listen to and how to find her own voice. (Has very recently, it seems, come into her own)
Sigrid has bright red hair which has been shorn so short on the sides, although she used to have long braided hair and wode markings in various places across her body
The other girlfriend, Oksana Bosko, OC of @primalsavagery
Oksana is the weird, little, witch boy who hangs around and is also a midwife. She is blunt, argumentative and "off-putting" but an excellent medic.
Oksana has shock blond hair which has also be cut away at the sides and has tattoos of the phases of the three moons all across her body. She is also dog.
Together the three of them are founding a witch coven very soon to become the "Sisters of The Shifting Seasons"
So that's the light lore and descriptions now for the story
Alarë came to the forest with this group, she was head over heels for Sigrid pretty instantly, she was strong, kind hearted and friendly. Honestly kryptonit to gaining Alarë's affection,
Oksana was a bit different at first Alarë was afraid of Oksana, she was blunt and unsociable which had been a red flag in the past but eventually she began to see how much Oksana cared about everything and that melted Alarë heart
Oksana was murdered by another member of the party (after Oksana went werewolf and almost killed and definitely infected said party member) and Alarë became so enraged that she struck down the other party member and partially transformed into a monster her hands growing into claws, the markings on her arms in a demonic language appeared and her eyes began to glow.
For several weeks (IRL months) they did the oblivious lesbians thing, and were just pining at one another with moments like "you can share my tent if you aren't comfortable sleeping alone"
Together with the group she went to the home of some necromantic hags hoping to bring oksana back to life, the hags were unable to aid but in the end the barrier between the living world and the dead was broken and be returned Oksana's soul to her body
After her transformation Alarë started calling herself Uvanima, meaning monster, Oksana wasn't particularly happy about that and suggested Vanya instead.
When they reunited with Sigrid, she had been cursed with an uncontrollable desire to drink blood, so the other two stepped up to help her deal with the impulse
"We can let you feed on our blood,
we have a blood letting kit,
it's hot,
I mean,
not a problem"
Shortly after that the three began fucking on Sigrid’s birthday!
Since then they have formed their proto coven (this Wednesday is when it might be official) with Oksana being the medicine witch, Sigrid being the handywitch and Vanya being the homeywitch? (Cooking and keeping the Inn and making potions and stuff)
It's a big ol' chunk of text but I have been the soul of brevity in this description there's so much more to everything.
Thank you for asking and giving me the opportunity to splurge about my blorbo
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wherewhereare · 7 months ago
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Amber Sampson
Thu, Apr 11, 2024 (2 a.m.)
When Paige Overton sang with the cowpunk quartet The Clydesdale, she performed at Brooklyn Bowl and during the Neon Reverb fest, and seemingly every other local venue and event. She has played her share of stages, but few compare to the setup of Blake Shelton’s new country bar and restaurant Ole Red.
“This is definitely different from anything I’ve experienced in this town,” says Overton, who fronts outlaw country band Paige and the Overtones and duo Opal and Turq. “I feel like we’re all kids again. It’s this new, buzzy, fun place and there’s a lot of camaraderie there.”
Overton is one of several local musicians who’ve been invited to play the Strip venue, and the feedback has been resoundingly positive. From the professionally staffed sound and lighting teams to the sprawling stage and lightning-fast stage breakdowns, she regards Ole Red as a true concert venue.
This new, high-profile home for live performance at the heart of the Strip should impact the local country music community, which, despite the popularity of the genre, only plays in a few local venues. Stoney’s Rockin’ Country at Town Square, Gilley’s at Treasure Island and Losers Bar at MGM Grand are among Vegas’ most prominent country bars and lounges.
“I don’t even know if it’s the lack of country bands, but sometimes I think it’s the lack of places that they fit,” Overton says. “I know bands that there’s only a few and far places that really embrace [country] so they have to drive all the way out to Pioneer Saloon to play, or the LeDoux that’s all the way over by Lake Las Vegas.
“I think it may encourage people to step out a little bit, but also it’s a breath of fresh air for people who already play this type of music and have their own little spot in the sun now.”
Ole Red senior talent buyer Marc Feldman says that’s precisely what this venue has set out to do here.
“We’re really giving the opportunity to plant a flag and give country music a home, and give some of the folks who live here, who truly are authentically country, a place to shine,” he says.
A big part of that has been encouraging musicians to play original music rather than what may be popular with Strip crowds. To Feldman, Ole Red is “the proudest stepping stone anyone could have in their career,” and artists are taking that seriously.
Local musician Zach Ryan, who spent eight years in Nashville before returning to Vegas, can attest to that. He often performs his twangy brand of ’60s and ’90s country at Ole Red.
“They treat you there like you’re the talent,” says Ryan. “Some places I’ve played, they’re herding me around and don’t give any breaks. In Nashville, we played about three hours and 45 minutes with no breaks, so someone would have to jump on the drums, which was usually me, while the drummer went to the bathroom.”
Transitioning from the shotgun bars of Nashville to Ole Red has been a “real treat,” he says. “A place like that is a place where you can come as a casual music country fan or a real country fan. It felt a step above Nashville.”
Ryan views Ole Red’s arrival as a sign of the times. He points to Beyoncé releasing Cowboy Carter—“Country music is becoming relevant again, and it’s not your grandpa’s music anymore,” he says. “It’s something young people identify with because so much of it just is talking about everyday problems.”
It’s also incredibly versatile. At Ole Red, Overton can lay on the Waylon Jennings and the Loretta Lynn.
“Sometimes if I’m feeling crazy I’ll even do ‘Stand By Your Man’ from Tammy Wynette, which is sometimes a show suicide because it’s slow, but I don’t give a sh*t,” she says. “It’s fun, and people are usually really into it.
“I hope we see this as a step in the right direction to really embrace more of our musicians in this town,” Overton says. “Let’s get the people paid to play and let them do what they love.”
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angrenwen · 5 months ago
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"Sunny agrees with me, of course. And the kids almost always get excited when they see me come with my big ole maned lioness in tow. Companions aren’t like regular animals, even when they can look exactly like one. They reflect parts of yourself - the parts that you share when you first lay hands on an Untouched Egg, and the parts that you build together afterwards. I usually get a fair amount of time to explain some things, though most parents handle the - forgive me - lion’s share of the education. The majority of kids I meet have already been excitedly reading up on and anticipating the visit. Bouncing on the balls of their feet, talking about an older sibling or parent’s Companion, and what sort they might get, and what their friends might have gotten. Looking at their egg with the kind of reverence that it really does deserve.
Disappointments are usually the worst outcome. It doesn’t happen often, but every once in a while a kid with their heart set on a dragon or unicorn ends up with something a little less... flashy. But I’ve never known a kid to stay disappointed for more than a minute or two. Companions just... resonate with you. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t have the shape that they do. When Sunny first hatched, I thought she was a little housecat kitten. People often mistook her for one. Twenty years on, though, and no one doubts what she is. 
Being small helped me keep her safe, while I was in foster care. It’s illegal to try and harm a kid’s Companion. That doesn’t always stop folks, of course. People who lose theirs... it’s a blow. You can register for another egg, but it’s tough. I’m glad I’ve never known that kind of grief.
And it’s why I have to do safety assessments with my deliveries, too. A bit of social work mixed in with the deliveries. Sometimes there’s a lot of social work mixed in, in fact.
I’m not entirely expecting to have to wear that hat, when Sunny and I pull up to a relatively nondescript little suburban house, in a quiet, middle-class neighbourhood. The place is quiet, but that’s not a red flag in and of itself. Just because most parents like to throw some kind of party doesn’t mean all do. Kids are playing in the other yards on the street. It’s a Saturday, and bright. A little on the hot side. Sprinklers are turned on. Companions are romping around. I see a flop-eared rabbit hopping at the heels of two little girls, running around their front sprinklers. A baby elephant naps in an open garage, enjoying the shade while a little boy rests against its side, and plays some kind of handheld video game.
The house matching the address on my list is smaller than most of the others. Not by much, though. The blue siding looks like it could use a wash, and the front gate creaks. The grass is probably a couple of days behind on mowing. But it’s nice. There are little gnomes in the lawn, and a flag in the front window.
I knock on the door.
When a few minutes pass, and no one answers the knock, I try the bell.
Sunny moves towards the side of the house, investigating her way towards the backyard.
Something’s strange, she thinks.
What? I wonder.
Don’t know. Just... something.
Her agitation sinks underneath my skin. Not pressing, not yet, but definitely there.
I ring the bell again. Finally, I hear the sounds of movement on the other side of the door.
A man opens it. He’s about my age, and my height. Wearing a neat button-down, and a pair of jeans. He’s skinny, but, in that wiry-muscled sort of way. It puts me off, in a reflexive kind of way. I had a foster father with arms like that. Sunny dug her claws into them, once. Left some scars.
“Good afternoon,” I say, and look at the man’s face instead. I don’t see a Companion, but, it’s probably inside. “I’m here for your ten-year-old.”
Up go the man’s eyebrows.
“Ten year old?” he asks, plainly baffled.
I pause, and then double-check the address on my records.
“Ye-es?” I say. “According to my records, there’s a ten-year-old child living at this address.”
Immediately, the man shakes his head.
“Nope,” he says. “There must be some kind of mix-up. The only person who lives here is me.”
I frown, and feel my unease double. 
“That’s very unusual,” I say. “Are you sure-”
“Am I sure that I don’t have a kid?” the man interrupts me, with a scoff at the question. I guess that’s merited. His hand tightens on the handle of his door. The house beyond it is clean. I can smell cleaning liquids, actually. Even the man himself gives off a faint aroma of recent laundry. Cleaning on the weekend isn’t odd, but... 
The thing about the records is, people think it’s all done with birth certificates and immigration papers and registered addresses. That we find people the normal way any government might find people. Even a lot of the new hires think that’s how it works. But it isn’t. I’ve been at this job long enough to know that the records have some spellwork to them. Unofficial, probably. Overlooked, just because it’s been around for so long. Like soulmate magic or dreams of portent - you can’t really regulate it all away. Not without causing riots.
If the list says a ten-year-old is here, then a ten-year-old is here.
“Well, this is awkward,” I say, as Sunny makes her way back to me.
Find anything? I wonder.
No, she admits.
“Yeah, I guess. But. I can’t help you,” the man tells me. He moves to shut the door, but I stop him with a hand on it.
“Unfortunately,” I say, in my best ‘apologetic’ tone. “My boss is kind of picky about these sorts of things. I need to check the residence, or else they’ll just send me back out to bother you again.”
The man pauses, and glances off to one side.
“You can’t. You don’t have a warrant,” he says.
“Police need warrants. I’m not looking for any evidence of a crime,” I tell him. “You could have floor-to-ceiling cocaine in your house, sir, and there would be no grounds for me to do anything about it. All I can do is just check the rooms, see if there’s a child. If there is, they get their egg. You see, sometimes parents don’t really want their kids getting their Companions. They think it should wait a year or two, or else they don’t see the merit, or... something. But it’s the law. Everyone has a right to their Companion. So. I have to check.”
The man’s expression drops. I see his eyes move a certain way. You know that way that people look sometimes, when they’re weighing their options? When I was younger I worked a job in retail, stocking shelves for a big chain department store. Sometimes customers would get that look while they were deciding whether to back down or scream for my manager.
I’m not entirely surprised when the man straightens up.
“Look,” he says. “This is my property. There’s no kid here. I’m not letting you nose around my private household just because you think being some fancy Deliverer gives you the right to march wherever you please.”
“If you decline to let me in, I will have to call the police,” I warn him. “And if they come, they will not need a warrant, either, because your continued refusal to let me take a look around will be in violation of the Child and Companions Protection Act. Unlike me, cops will, in fact, be very interested if your house is full of floor-to-ceiling crack.”
“I don’t have any drugs!” he snaps at me.
I shrug.
“I don’t care,” I tell him. “Like I said. I just have to check.”
The box with the Untouched Egg in it is starting to get warm beneath my arm.
The man narrows his eyes. I think, for a moment, that he’s going to slam the door on me. That’ll shoot my day right into the gutter, because I really will have to call the police. And then I’ll probably have to call in back-up, too, to make sure my remaining deliveries get out in time. Police can be a total crapshoot. Sometimes they actually help, and sometimes they just make an even bigger mess.
But after a minute, the man moves aside.
“Just be quick,” he finally decides.
I step into the house. The scent of cleaning products get louder. Sunny’s nose twitches, and the man tries to shut her out. He’s not quick enough, though, and she shoulders past him to follow me.
“Hey, no, leave that thing outside!” he insists.
“It’ll go faster with her here,” I tell him. A pair of eyes catches my attention. I look over to a narrow coffee table and see a pale white fish, watching me from the confines of a remarkably sparse bowl. The way its eyes follow me, I know it’s a Companion. Ordinarily I’d think the bowl was just a temporary situation. Aquatic companions can survive longer on land than true animals, but most I’ve known have elaborate pools, ponds, or tanks set up for their comfort, too. But this bowl has a sealed lid. And the Companion looks somewhat listless, as it moves around the pristine, empty waters.
The room around it seems equally pristine. Equally empty. The kitchen looks more lived-in.
I pause at the lock on the fridge door.
“You... live alone?” I ask, again.
“Yeah,” the man repeats. There’s an edginess to him that has me keeping a minimum distance between us. Sunny stays close. 
I point to the lock.
“Then why lock the fridge?” I wonder.
“It’s a diet,” the man says, in an exasperated tone that doesn’t entirely land with me. “I have bad self-restraint. Not that it’s any of your business.”
“No, I guess not,” I say, and move on to the next room.
The man goes silent and still as I glance into the laundry room. He doesn’t give much away, but Sunny can smell some fear on him. It eases up a bit when I move away again; acting like I didn’t see the second door, near the washing machine. Leading to basement steps, probably. I leave to check the other rooms.
The man follows me.
Sunny slips back into the laundry room. It’s not something she’s built for, but she’s good at opening doors.
It’s locked.
Can you undo it? I think. Companions can have... talents. Sunny’s claws are a lot more versatile than most people would guess, especially with her shape. I get a hum of confirmation and slow down as I look around the second floor. Taking my time to check the bathroom and master bedroom. The man scoffs when I open the closet, and look under the bed. There’s nothing to find.
Sunny makes her way down to the basement. I can’t see what she sees, but I can get a vague sense of her moving. Of her unease growing.
Found her.
A terrified scream rings up from downstairs.
The man’s eyes widen. I can see him realize that there’s no sign of Sunny. See the moment when he puts two and two together, and for a hot second, I think he’s going to try and kill me. 
Sunny!
I need her claws. I brace for a fight; but then the man turns tail, and races down the steps instead. The clatter of his footsteps is jarring, and without much thought I give chase, worried for what he’ll do. Worried for what that scream implies. I stumble at the railing for the stairs; the man grabs the fish bowl from the table, and races into the kitchen. Sloshing water as he flies out of the back door so fast, it knocks he screen clean off of its hinges.
Sunny comes scrabbling out of the laundry room.
For a half second I nearly ask her to chase him. I don’t want to let this man get away. But that’s not our chief concern; I let my lion tug me down towards the basement instead.
It’s dark. I find a light switch, and hit it before I make my way down the stairs. A stuffed rabbit is on one of the bottom steps. It looks old, and threadbare. The staircase creaks as I make my way down. Sunny lingers at the top.
I scared her.
Lions can be a little alarming, and I suppose that without a clear cue, a kid might not think she was a Companion. I let her stay there, to watch for any signs of the homeowner coming back, and make my own way down. The basement is a good size. Half finished, with unpainted drywall up, and only a single, slit window up near the top of the walls. There’s a bathroom with no door. A few more stuffed toys.
A cot.
And a kid.
She’s wearing a single over-sized shirt, and she looks terrified. Her hair’s done in braids. Someone clearly took some care with them, but not in a way that seems comforting in the situation. There’s a staged quality to it; braids with pink ties in them, while everything else about the room is clearly negligible, unkind. Her skin has the kind of pallor that speaks to too much time spent indoors. She’s skinny, underfed.
The Unhatched Egg underneath my arm gets even warmer.
“Hey,” I say, as gently as I can. I’ll need to call this in. I should probably be doing that first of all.
But the thing about my job is, it’s a magical contract at heart. There’s a certain need to it. You can’t really put it off, so much. The egg knows it needs to hatch; and the little girl looks at it, with an expression in her eyes that speaks of a need, too.
Part of me is insisting that I go lift up my phone, call the authorities. Get someone from child services here to help. Get the kid at least a minute of fresh air, a moment of freedom, before she lays hands on the egg.
But that’s not what needs to happen. That’s the sensible approach. 
This kid is about to be freed from her cage, though. And she needs... she needs this. She needs a Companion that will understand what she is, right now, before that happens. So she can survive what’s going to come - so they both can.
I put down the box, as the kid watches me.
“Do you know who I am?” I ask her.
She shakes her head.
“That’s alright,” I say. “Do you know what this is?”
Again, she shakes her head. But it seems more hesitant this time. On some level, she knows. 
“Do you know what a Companion is?” I try.
The kid looks like she wants to rush over to the box. Fear, probably, keeps her in place. I don’t want her afraid of me, but she needs some forewarning. She needs to understand, or else the gods only know how this could all go wrong. There are so many ways for it to, in the end.
I think of the sickly fish in its meager bowl, as the kid struggles to find an answer.
In the end, she just nods.
“Today is your tenth birthday,” I tell her. “That’s how I found you. Your Companion needs to hatch. I’m going to help you - we both are.”
“Mine?” the girl asks, staring at the box.
I push it forward a little bit, and then step back. Giving her the opening. Giving her space.
So many ways it could go wrong. This kid is going to have to learn how to look after her Companion. If she’s been treated the way I expect she has, that’ll be a long road to travel. The thing about being abused is, it doesn’t exactly impart great lessons on how to care for another being.
But it’s a right no one gets to deny. 
The kid moves over to the box. Warily, but undeniably. Called to it, even as she expects something to snatch it away again. She watches me, until the egg steals all of her attention.
He hands are shaking when she finally reaches them into the box.
“Oh,” she murmurs in a small voice, as she pulls it out. “It’s hot.”
Sunny moves down the stairs a little, at that. Curiosity getting the better of her, as we both watch the kid cradle the egg in her lap. Her knuckles are scraped, and her knees, too. She settles down and stares, as the shell shifts colours beneath her hands. I stare, too. Hatchings are always amazing to witness. The first crack of the shell chimes like a bell. Light spills through it, as the egg trembles.
One crack spreads. Then the next. Whatever is inside the eggs before they take on a shape, it’s nothing like an animal. Not really. The kid moves to help, and that’s normal. I keep back as she starts to pry away more bits of shell. Revealing more light in the process. Until that light starts to fade. But that’s a good thing - the light fading means that a shape is being taken on. The kid moves more determinedly, staring at her egg, until finally a clawed hand breaks through and pushes away the whole top half of the shell.
Oh.
I stare as the feathered baby T-Rex kicks the last of the shell away, and tumbles into the lap of its little girl. Feathers like a peacock, but face full of teeth, and eyes sharp and shrewd and wary... and wondrous, too.
The kid stares as she suddenly finds herself holding twenty pounds of pure predator, all tooth and muscle and claw, even at this newborn stage.
...Well.
I don’t have to wonder why she’d need it.
Leaving Sunny to watch the two bond, I go upstairs, and finally call the police." 
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But what if your childhood was shitty and traumatizing and you were meek and quiet as a kid so get a sweet little kitten and eventually as you grow and realize your worth and become more confident that kitten slowly grows into a lion.
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whereonceiwasfire · 2 years ago
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I’m going to need you all to indulge in my Vlad/Harriet hyperfixation for a second, because if I have to make this much space in my head for this then so do you *watches helplessly as you scroll away from my rambling post.* 
Alright, well, that’s not going to stop me. I’ll talk to an empty room. Just you wait.  
Anyway, so, I love the idea that while Vlad is just one big red-flag wrapped up in a tailor-made suit (and Harriet hasn’t run away screaming yet) he’s still reticent to let on that he’s a half-ghost. Because that’s GOT to be the final straw, right? The last of what she’s willing to put up with? So he keeps it secret. And while there’s a whole host of hilarious ways that can go down (especially because Harriet’s a reporter, and sharp, and Vlad has been a ghost for 20-some-odd years, and doesn’t spend a lot of time around humans, so probably has some bizarre and unnatural little habits) the specific thing I can’t stop thinking about is how Danny would tie into all of this. If Harriet doesn’t know Vlad’s a half-ghost, she certainly doesn’t know Danny’s a half-ghost, and the potential here is just KILLER. 
First of all, this has got to be the absolute most confusing set of interactions Harriet has ever seen in her life. While she knows her man-child boyfriend has the emotional maturity of a damp washcloth, it’s bewildering just how much the son of their college friends drives Vlad CRAZY. Muttering under his breath about the Fenton boy, their weird silent stand offs whenever they’re in the same room together, the way Vlad blames absolutely anything that goes wrong on Danny.  Car gets totaled in a random ghost encounter while he’s in Amity? Daniel. Something goes wrong at Vlad Co.? Daniel. Coffee maker doesn’t work? Daniel. 
This could also potentially shift the power dynamic in a really fun way. Danny’s shocked, and frankly, a little nauseated, to figure out that Vlad’s dating someone. Don’t get him wrong, he’s thrilled the Fruitloop is finally off his mom, but it just doesn’t seem right that anyone could LIKE Vlad. However, he can tell the dude hasn’t told/doesn’t want his girlfriend to know he’s the literal thing of nightmares. And, as much as he’s doing a terrible job of it, Vlad is trying to act like he doesn’t have an ongoing rivalry with a fourteen year old whenever Harriet is around. Plastering on the dead-eyed smiles, offering polite platitudes through gritted teeth, etc., etc. Danny takes every advantage of this to drop in unannounced and pretend that Vlad’s just his weird uncle. Oh yeah, he absolutely definitely routinely has Danny over for dinner and movie nights, buys him expensive gifts, helps him with his homework. You know. The usual. And Vlad can’t say anything to the contrary because he can’t otherwise explain why Danny keeps showing up, not to mention the fact that Danny has made it VERY clear he’s willing to spill Vlad’s secret. Danny likes to pull Harriet aside with a deep and serious “I need to tell you something important,” then pause dramatically before he goes off about the frog he found at lunch or some such whatever. Vlad figures Danny probably won’t actually tell his secret, because the boy must know he’d be outing them both to a reporter if he says anything, but Vlad’s not entirely sure. After all, Daniel is an incompetent child who has done worse for less cause. So Vlad tries to be on his very best behavior. TRIES being the operative word. Anytime Harriet leaves the room, Danny and Vlad are at each other’s throats, wielding cutlery like weapons, exchanging heated barbs back and forth, threatening each other. Vlad’s got an arm wrapped around Danny’s neck when Harriet returns with a mug of tea. Vlad laughs good-naturedly, forces a smile, rubs his knuckles against Danny’s scalp. Ahaha, see, they were just playing around. Good ol’ Uncle Vlad, what a kidder, amiright? Nothing suspicious happening here.
Bonus points if Harriet thinks Danny is adorable and keeps inviting him over, despite the weird animosity between these two losers.   Harriet: Oh, Vlad, you know how Maddie and Jack are. I’m sure the poor kid hasn’t had a decent meal in weeks. And he’s so attached you. Tell him he can come for dinner. Vlad *under his breath*: I would rather throw myself into a pit of scorpions than put up with that insolent brat for another-  Harriet: What’s that? Vlad: I said...Daniel would you *chokes* like to join us for dinner? Of course, this arrangement does sometimes backfire on Danny when he’s inevitably around while Vlad and Harriet are being *gag* coupley.          
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marisandini-chu-blog · 3 years ago
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How Shadow and Bones Differentiate Villain and Anti-Hero
Alright, first I need to claim the fact that I love dark, edgy, but misunderstood bad boy in stories with the potential of epic redemption. Loki from Marvel. Jason Todd from DC. Captain Hook from Once Upon a Time. Zuko from AtLA. You name them, I simp them.
So when I watched this new show on Netflix and shown a tall, handsome man in dark clothing, both respected and feared for his power. I feel... nothing. 
WHICH IS WEIRD! Like... he’s obviously my type. Complete with the sad backstory and vicious streak. So I kept wondering why I wasn’t enamored by the Darkling, Alexander Kirigan. I wasn’t surprised he was the main villain, I even expected it. But I usually at least have a bit of sympathy for them. This OOC behavior of mine made me introspect myself and the show, trying to find out which part gave me the red flags before Mother Darkling decides to pop the chosen one out halfway in the season. 
That’s when it hit me; there were red flags! The show had been subtly trying to tell us Kirigan is a manipulative boyfriend not just by great acting and good directing, but by comparing him with the actual anti-hero of the story who I actually love; Kaz Brekker. 
Here’s the list of signs you might not notice of why Kirigan is meant to be a Villain instead of an Anti-Hero. 
1. The Eyes
"The eyes are the window to the soul" is a common saying and and the key to good acting for any good show. Eyes tell us a lot about what a person’s character is like and SaB showed us the difference of a sincere man and a man with a hidden agenda.
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Look at him! Look at that little smirk. Look at the gaze. That's the look you find when someone's evil little plan is finally coming together. Not one awed by the power or by Alina. A blatant sus move is what I'm saying. Congrat, first flag planted.
Sure he could still fall in love with Alina, but that doesn't stop his agenda either. All it does is potentially create conflict for him to pick either his plan for revenge or life with Alina.
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In comparison, look at Kaz when he said this to Inej; "She isn't like you, no one is." Straightforward eyes. Serious grim. No nonsense tone. Inej is one of the most talented and terrifying rogue-assassin and Kaz just blatantly said that he kept her from 'slavery' because of who she is, not what she's capable of. Like... the man has no shame being known to love her while still trying to be professional (or as professional a thief can be). I can respect that.
This is the eye of a man who would abandon everything to make sure she comes out alright in the end. Do not argue with me on this!
2. Leverage and Status
The moment Alina steps into the Little Palace she was treated like a princess. A palace, by the way, that’s managed by the Darkling. She gets favorable treatment; from the food, Zoya displaced when she fought Alina, a horseback ride just the two of them, asking her to call by his name to make them familiar, a black uniform that might as well be claiming???
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Dude is desperate is what I’m saying. 
Sure, this could all be romantic gestures. There’s the problem that Kirigan is superior in status and name, powerful Grisha, and has a vested interest in her power. Pursuing romance while Kirigan has the ability to make her life heaven or hell with a snap of his finger made every single decision be seen with wariness. 
"Beware of powerful men," Genya couldn't put it any better.
Had they pursued romance after they destroy the fold, cementing Alina’s position as a saint more. Then I might have let go of that wariness. 
I’m only proven correct when the moment Alina turned away from him, Kirigan made another leverage by (spoiler!) putting an antler to her collarbone... eeeewwww much?! 
That’s how desperate the Darkling is to be in control of a person and a situation. 
And when no letter came for Alina? That a big red flag because who else in this castle can control the coming of going of letter with the Savior. HMMMMMMMMMMM.....
Then there’s Kaz. My man. There’s no competition. This guy held no leverage on my dear Inej. When she almost decided to leave, Kaz didn't force or convince her to stay but he ask her. Doesn't remind her of her debt whether monetary or life debt to him. In fact, this guy needs money for revenge but instead mortgage his main source of income for her freedom.
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HE POSTPONED HIS LIFE GOAL TO FREE HER FROM DEBT ASJHAKFSDJGLDFJ!!!  
What more do I need to say? 
3. Sympathy Card
This is the type of point you want to watch out from your partners, ladies, gents, and others. The sympathy card is the way to go when anyone wants to reach out to you so you can take care of them before they abuse or gaslight you. 
While it’s good to share trauma and eased the burden, sometimes it's healthy to ask yourself whether the person can take advantage of you and to verify whether they lie to you or not.
When Kirigan shared about his past as a sympathetic boy with his secluded fountain and coin. Everything about that scene rang warning bells for me... the part he had requested her to use his color... requesting to horse ride with just them two... sharing sob story that may encourage Alina to help him...
Kudos to Alina to see through the fact she's seen as a means to an end.
It was only when Kirigan showed righteous anger and frustration of a war that's killing his people did Alina finally opened her heart to him.
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Kaz however doesn't use the sympathy card. Heck, the man likes to believe he shed away any weakness and threw it in the harbor where it belongs. Kaz hates weaknesses. And garnering sympathy is an admission of weakness for him.
We still know there's a tragic backstory as any decent anti-hero would have... but by not sharing that, this implies that Inej and Jesper stayed because of who he is, and not because of who he was or how he came to be. They don't need a sob story to stay together and that showed a stronger bond between them.
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4. Friends
To be frank, I find this the most hilarious because this point is the one that convinced me that Kirigan was secretly an evil bastard.
He doesn’t have any friends!!!
Like... dude had a literal witch army, a wife once, a fuck buddy, and a girlfriend but there wasn’t a single moment in the show where someone, outside of Alina and superior, to speak casually to him. 
You’re telling me this person... the most powerful and influential Grisha in the East Ravka, charming as hell, handsome as fuck, and yet he doesn’t have friends?! 
“I’ve buried good soldiers... friends...” Get the fuck out of here! WHAT FRIENDS?!?! Maybe if you get off your little power trip from your self-made pedestal, you can actually be less of an asshole and make one. 
Sure he excused himself by blaming his ‘ancestor’ for being a shadow summoner. I can see how the fear makes it hard for him to get close to anybody. But all the other characters who are part of his army only ever shown to speak with him respectfully, and the royalty even commend him. No one disrespected him even openly and you’re telling me he doesn’t have one friend amidst all these people?!
In comparison, look at Kaz. He’s brash, crude, and unapologetic. He held true to his moniker ‘Bastard of the Barrel’ and yet this ass has friends. They show Jesper joking with Kaz, and Kaz has shown to banter with him back as well as tolerating his gambling addiction when it could have jeopardized the Job. Inej was shown to actually argue and have disagreement with Kaz when he’s technically her boss. Can you imagine the Darkling doing that? CAN YOU?!
No. Because he's a pretentious ass. That's why.
This is a great example of the use “show not tell” of how Kaz despite his obvious edges has a soft spot shown through his relationship with Inej and Jesper, who have a friendly dynamic. I can attest that while Kaz didn’t create a good first impression, I love Jesper and Inej (they are precious!) so much that I project it to Kaz in extension.
On the other hand, Kirigan’s goodwill had only ever been told by outsiders or himself. None from his inner circle (which he doesn’t have!) other than his mother, who ended up outing him instead. 
So I applaud the writers and showrunners of SaB to actually have subtext signs of a manipulative bastard. The Duckling is a good villain character that's complex but unredeemable. Sometimes, you just have a good ol' charming villain you can't redeem and that's okay.
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og-danny-dorito · 4 years ago
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[ Favorite BNHA Boys’ Reactions To You Holding Their Face ]
if you’re on bnha/jojo simptok you know EXACTLY where i got this idea from
𝕓𝕒𝕜𝕦𝕘𝕠 𝕜𝕒𝕥𝕤𝕦𝕜𝕚 :
➢ lMAO the first time you touch his face he is SCREAMING KDJFNSKJ-
➢ it’s mostly because he didn't get a warning first of all, and second of all he doesn't really like people touching his face in general anyway so like obviously he’s not for it the first time
➢ if you ask really nicely or try to offer some sort of repayment for it (an example being to do the dishes when it’s his turn if you’re living together or to pay for dinner next time you go out if you’re not) he’ll consider it though, and will begrudgingly comply to your wishes
➢ but, fortunately for you, he ends up liking it a biiiiit more than he thought he would to say the least 😂
➢ as soon as he looks you dead in the eye and says “just get it over with”, your hands are on his face. to his surprise though, he ends up being a little bit less annoyed by it and more... soothed
➢ the feeling of your hands on his cheeks, gently circling your thumb over the softer areas of his skin, the tension in his jaw melts away. his shoulders feel less rigid. his muscles less sore. it’s sort of a subconscious reaction by that point, but regardless of how much his body is telling him that he likes the contact, he’s still going to deny the red that comes up to his cheeks and spreads over his face like wildfire
➢ “No, I’m not blushing- what do you think I am? I’m not soft or anything like that... NO STOP DON’T HUG ME-”
➢ definitely the type to deny that he likes it like the tsundere he is, but gets a little bit pouty when you do take your hands away. won’t ask for affection but definitely gives you subconscious signs that he wants to be Held™
𝕒𝕚𝕫𝕒𝕨𝕒 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕥𝕒 :
➢ the best way to get his attention actually!!!
➢ you see, this walking personification of sleep deprivation is almost CONSISTENTLY wrapped up in his work one way or the other, whether it be subconscious or upfront
➢ he really does try his hardest to not be so focused on work all the time, but he gets consumed by it really easily since he’s a workaholic and runs on the adrenaline of getting as much paperwork done in one night
➢ it’s not uncommon for him to loose focus of the things around him, but having you there with him is good at grounding him so he doesn't start to stress over small details and stuff like that
➢ usually when you walk up and frame your hands around his face, he’s a little bit surprised at first and doesn't know how to react since he doesn't receive such intimate affection (and never really has). he gets used to it eventually though, and it becomes sort of a subconscious habit to just lean into your touch and smile a little bit at you
➢ will occasionally give you a lingering kiss on your palm when you do it, looking into your eyes in a way that makes your stomach feel full of butterflies
➢ probably says something like “What is it, kitten?” or “Hey.” while grasping your hand in his
➢ warning!!! this WILL lead to a cuddle session that you wont be able to get out of. be prepared to be smushed between aizawa and all 3 of his big ol fat cats for the rest of the day/night if neither of you have anything to do
𝕥𝕒𝕚𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕣𝕠 𝕥𝕠𝕪𝕠𝕞𝕚𝕥𝕤𝕦 :
➢ YES okay LOOK i fucking love all of the soft shit that ya’ll come up with about my boy Fatgum here and i’m here to fucking contribute because i love him 😤
➢ to fully understand his reaction, you must first know that this man is an absolute sucker fo any kind of affection you give him regardless of the context
➢ he dishes out enough affection to keep you assured that he loves and appreciates you in every way, which will almost always comes with some of the sweetest compliments imaginable
➢ he knows exactly how to make you feel loved since he likes having the same kind of thing done to him, and so when you return it he’s over the moon
➢ it doesn't even catch him off guard when you do it to be honest. he just sweeps you up in his arms and spins you around, telling you how cute you are and how much he loves you. if not that then he nuzzles into your hand and grins, his whole face lighting up at the sensations of warmth radiating between such a small contact area
➢ he’s another one that immediately wants to cuddle after and probably cancels his other plans so he can spend time with you. he’s just SOMFT for the face holding p l s,,, do i t
➢ says somethin along the lines of “I love you, honey bun!” or “You’re so sweet!” cause he LOVES you and i’ll be damned if this man doesn't use food-related nicknames with his lover
➢ 10/10 will do the same to you if permissible and DEFINITELY will find other creative ways to offer you more affection in return
𝕕𝕒𝕓𝕚 / 𝕥𝕠𝕦𝕪𝕒 𝕥𝕠𝕕𝕠𝕣𝕠𝕜𝕚 :
➢ this one is kinda depssing compared to everyone else KJSFNDK LMAO IM SORRY PFF
➢ okay so like,,, mans isnt big on affection for a number of Reasons and so obviously he’s gonna be a little confused, but the reaction itself is kinda what raises some red flags and rings alarm bells considering it’s kinda uncharacteristic of him
➢ the first time you did it was by surprise even though he could clearly see you reach for him. he moves his head back quickly, sucking in a breath and raising his hands a little to block something that wasn’t coming. that’s already kind of alarming by itself, but his expression...
➢ you don’t think that you’ve ever seen dabi scared. not like, alarmed or on guard or anything like that, but genuinely, truly scared. scared like something was coming for him. like he was a little kid again, back in that place-
➢ the best course of action here is to back up and put your hands up, giving him some space to recuperate. he’ll drag his own down his face after that, seeming to let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and avoid making direct eye contact with you
➢ it’s very likely that he’ll jut leave without a word after that and might not come back after a few hours. you’ll have to ask him directly what happened to which he’ll give you some basic details, but he’s not going too into depth since ehe doesn't want to bring all that shit back up after he expertly kept it down for so long
➢ if you really want to do it you need to give him a warning every time you do, and he’s really only in specific moods for it on select days anyway. it’s no offense on you, he’s just not all that affectionate ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
➢ a good alternative is to try to hold his hand when he’s not doing something. he might give you a weird look, but the fact that he’s not pushing you away says that he might actually enjoy it a little bit. he won’t say anything about it though, god forbid he talk about his f e e l i n g s
➢ OKAY jesus christ onto more fluffy shit
𝕜𝕖𝕚𝕘𝕠 𝕥𝕒𝕜𝕒𝕞𝕚 :
➢ oop- touch starved who??
➢ i know that like,,, in canon he doesn't really express much of his bird traits that kind of signify some of the more Feral parts of his brain but like?? i think that there’s very specific traits that he exhibits that can either be shrugged off as normal behavior or are like explicitly bird-like and receiving affection is definitely the latter
➢ now i don’t know that much about birds but i know that when you pet them sometimes they’ll coo or do that trilling thing so i’m thinking that he would probably do the same thing if given the chance
➢ cuddling with him is probably the way you found out about it though, so it’s no surprise that when you gently cup his face with your hands and stroke his cheek with your thumb he makes a low vibrating noise that comes out on instinct
➢ he gets super embarrassed and has to explain himself through endless stuttering, but after you tell him that “It’s alright, I think it’s kind of cute actually.” he feels a little bit more comfortable with sharing intimate moments like that
➢ being raised to be a weapon means that he didn’t really receive the affection that he should've when he was young, so he might be a little awkward at first, but after like a week of doing it he kind of just rolls with it
➢ like aizawa, it’s a great way to get his eyes off of work and on you instead, but he pretends to be aggravated with it just for the sake of eliciting pointless banter between you two
➢ says something like “You tryin to get my attention, baby bird?” or “What, am I not paying enough attention to you?” just to seem like he’s indifferent but definitely gets pouty and grabs you by the waist if you take your hands off of him
[ ~Thank You For Reading! And If You Have Any Requests, Be Sure To Contact Me!~ ]
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itsallmightbitch · 5 years ago
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Covert Ops For Dummies (Part 2)
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I hope you’re all excited, because the skinny scarecrow man is back and is making panties drop all over the place.
Pairing: All Might/Toshinori Yagi x Reader
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Smut and swearing. Par for the course with me, kids.
Word Count: 12211, give or take.
Summary: After your little tryst in the closet a week ago, Toshinori has been avoiding you. Hizashi is eager to make back some of the money he lost and you know just how he can help you.
*once again this gif isn’t mine but is oddly appropriate....
---------
It had been a week since the ‘incident’ in the closet and so far, Toshinori had been… well. If you were honest, you had no idea how he’d been.
 He’d been avoiding you.
 You weren’t really taking it to heart. At least, not anymore. The first night, yeah, you’d been stuck in your own head, wondering if maybe you’d done something wrong or if you’d been too forward. But the more you’d dwelt on it, the more you had started to realise that this was his thing to work through- not yours.
 He could barely meet your eye across the room at the next teacher’s meeting and when he eventually did, his face had instantly bloomed red and he’d choked out some terrible excuse in order to run off early.
 You might have been offended if you had thinner skin.
 Thankfully, you guessed that it wasn’t your fault that he was acting the way he was. Despite all those little whispered things in the closet, the cold light of day had made him panic. Years of hating himself for being what he saw as weak, his failing health and self-loathing when he was what you’d affectionately dubbed as ‘Small’ Might… that wasn’t going to go away because he’d fingered you in a closet and you’d told him he was still pretty.
 It had been silly of you to even consider it.
The long process of getting home after the event had given his brain time to work and time to freak out. Getting past those reporters, the police, the very thankful parents- all of whom wanted to stop him, talk to him, shake his hand.
You just knew that during that, he’d somehow come to the conclusion that what had happened between you was simply you feeling sorry for him and that any affection or attraction you’d shown him was the result of pity.
 Pfft, as if.
 For God’s sake, you felt sorry for Hizashi after he’d been wrangled out of his money but you weren’t planning on visiting that closet again any time soon.
 Like a gentleman, he’d walked you to your car afterwards but even before you’d registered the cogs turning in that big ol’ brain of his, he was making his excuses and blasting off like he was Team fucking Rocket.
 So much for dragging him back to your place. You’d watched him go, your mind a jumbled mess of want, hurt and longing.
 All of those feelings had ultimately led you here, doing something that you wouldn’t normally ever consider doing. Although, you’d never really considered getting it on in a closet of a strange house before either so…
 After you’d given him a brief outline of your plan, and he’d stopped laughing at you, Hizashi had been all too eager to make back some of the money he’d lost to Aizawa. It didn’t take much convincing for him to bend the rules a little. You’d sent him off on his merry way with a few Out of Bounds signs and instructions to get Toshinori up to his office by any means necessary.
 His office was nice, you decided as you waited patiently on the couch.
 He had an adorable amount of All Might paraphernalia littered around and an American flag was pinned proudly on the wall- next to several framed photos of him shaking hands with other celebrities. But that was nothing compared to his desk.
 It made you feel all warm inside, just looking over the few personal photos that were framed there.
 A photo of him and young Midoryia, looking very proud of themselves at a beach. He and David Shield, arms slung over each others shoulders and sporting those carefree smiles that youth brought on their faces. A picture of a very stern faced Nighteye that made you mildly uncomfortable as it seemed to judge you through the glass.
Quit judging, you thought. He needs to relax and this is a fucking great way to do it.
You moved on from that one quite quickly.
 At the end of the row was that damned faculty photograph that Principal Nezu had made you all participate in.
 The one where you’d purposely shoved yourself against Toshinori’s side despite the photographer’s insistence that the shorter of you were to stand in the front. When you’d protested, Toshinori had done something you hadn’t expected him to do, given his disposition for being a wallflower around you.
 He’d bent down, his big hands around your waist and suddenly, he was lifting you with ease. Up, up, until he sat you on his shoulder. You’d been an ecstatic mess, a stupid smile on your face and your usually uncooperative wings spread out above the other teachers.
 All Might had struck his usual pose, flexing his muscles and grinning- except one of his hands was on your hip, holding you steady the whole time and the sensation of his fingers pressing into you had stayed with you for days.
 Thus, the official faculty photograph had been born. The one that all the papers were forced to publish, seeing as you’d all refused to have another one taken.
 He could be bold with you when he wanted to be and days like that proved it.
 The memory of that day was one of your favourites. Seeing that confidence, how pleased he was with himself over making you smile. It was like catching a glimpse into the past. 
 You eyed the big, comfortable looking couch in the corner.
 That definitely looked sturdy enough-
 You didn’t get to finish your train of thought because the door opened suddenly and All Might was shoved inside, Hizashi hot on his heels. He was mid-sentence as he walked in, laughing over something Hizashi was saying and he didn’t even notice you.
 “Well, if it’s that urgent Mic, I suppose I can spare a few minutes!”
 “Trust me. You’ll be thanking me for weeks to come.”
 “Thanking you? Thanking you for-”
 His eyes settled on you when he finally focused his attention on the room and his voice caught in his throat, long enough for Hizashi to belt out a raucous laugh. He slapped a hand against All Might’s broad back and then turned his beaming grin to you.
 “One Number One Hero, delivered as promised,” he waggled his eyebrows. “You kids have fu-un!”
It was a good thing you hadn’t gone with your original plan of greeting him in lingerie.
 Before you could even think about reprimanding Mic, he was gone, leaving behind nothing more than a smoke trail and Toshinori looking for a means of escape. You made sure he knew that it wasn’t going to happen, quickly positioning yourself between him and the doorway. Despite his unlimited strength, you knew that he wouldn’t barge you out of the way just to save face.
 Like you’d said before. He was too much of a gentleman.
 “You. Sit. Now,” you pointed at the couch, using your best angry voice and you swear that you saw him swallow hard, eyes trained on the carpet as he followed your instructions and seated himself on the plush cushions.
 “I um, didn’t think you were working today,” he muttered, rubbing one hand over the back of his neck and fidgeting with a button of his suit with his other. Another part of your absolutely diabolical plan. You’d purposely left your car at home that morning, so he wouldn’t see it in the parking lot.
 “Well here I am,” you said shortly. “It looks like cornering you seems to be the only way I’m going to get you to talk, so... yeah. Talk. Why have you been avoiding me this week? I was starting to think I had the plague.”
Both true and untrue. You knew why, deep down. 
 “I haven’t been avoiding you-” he spluttered.
 You inwardly rolled your eyes in exasperation. While it was nice of him to try and spare your feelings, he was an absolutely awful liar when he wasn’t prepared.
 “Liar.”
 He winced like you’d struck him and you softened your tone, realising you’d have to approach this differently. You couldn’t just wrangle the answers out of him like you could with other people.  Sometimes you wondered what he’d been like, back in the days of his youth when he was saving people with a smile and that villain hadn’t yet darkened his door.
 Had he been confident about his body? Had wild romances and broken a slew of hearts on the way?
 Maybe.
 But… even then, he didn’t seem the type to do things like that. He was a man married to his work, with too much empathy for others to go around breaking hearts. That’s why you knew full well that him avoiding you hadn’t been to intentionally hurt you. Looking at him now in his muscular form, still almost too embarrassed to look you in the eye- you wondered if anyone had ever told him that just being him was enough.
 You wanted to climb into his lap and show him it was enough. He was enough.
 On the other hand, he kind of deserved to sweat after the week you’d had. Anxious, confused and unbelievably horny. A barrage of almost hourly daydreams, most of which involved his hands in some way, shape or form. 
Your marking scheme had gone straight to Hell- especially after you’d set your students an essay about a hero who had inspired them. Half of the papers had been about All Might and you’d thrown A’s left, right and fucking centre at them.
Even the terrible ones.
 The nights held no reprieve either.
 There hadn’t been one that had gone by where you didn’t wake up, breathing hard and sweating like you’d just run twenty blocks in the midday sun. It was exhausting. It was like your body was always on edge, longing for another touch, another look. 
The constant nervous tension was getting to you and your concentration had suffered for it.
 All because Toshinori Yagi had fucking fantastic hands and was withholding access to them.
 You had to shake yourself to bring reality rushing back.
 “So… what? You just get me off once and then run for it? Is that how it is, Toshinori? Did it really mean that little to you?” you asked inspite of yourself. You hadn’t actually meant to say those things.
You hadn’t even realised that you were this upset about it. So much for not taking it personally. His head shot up, eyes wide with surprise when what you’d said finally registered. 
“You could have just told me. You didn’t need to- I dunno. Spare my feelings,” you said, quietly.
 “What!? No! Tha- That’s not it at all!” he yelped, standing from the couch with surprising speed.
 “Then what is it? Did you not enjoy yourself?” you said and rested a hand in the centre of his chest. His whole body tightened under your palm, like every muscle was being electrocuted just because you were touching him. You looked up at him through your eyelashes, watching the red rising up along his neck like he was going to start blowing steam from his ears.
 “Of course I enjoyed it,” he said at last and to your surprise, his voice didn’t shake once. His hand did though, when he brought it up to cover yours. “Every second of being with you like- like that,” he said and swallowed hard. You tilted your head to the side, eyes searching his face. “Things were just a little overwhelming, especially after Eraserhead finding us. I don’t deal with things like that well.”
 That was an understatement. You gave him an understanding half smile. It had been embarrassing for both of you.
 You had studiously avoided Shouta for the better part of three days and it only just dawned on you that Toshinori had probably done the same. Not that Shouta seemed to care much about the whole thing beyond getting his money.
 He hadn’t mentioned it again.
 “Look, Toshi, I get it okay? Heh, at least I think I do-” you tried, sighing when the words refused to come. Maybe it was because of the low, dull throb between your legs or maybe it was because he looked so damn good in that suit but you were distracted. “But I’d prefer it if you talked to me about it instead of hoping it’ll just go away.”
 “I didn’t want it to-” he started, but then stopped himself. “I thought things would be alright between us if I just stayed away. A dumb plan, admittedly,” he flashed you a sheepish smile and squeezed your hand in his.
 “Listen,” you said slowly, “Could you maybe, you know, shrink down please?”
 He shot you a bemused look and you could guess it was the same as the look he’d given you back in the coat closet the first time you’d asked. It wasn’t something that many people asked him to do often.
 “What? Why?” he asked, clearly caught off guard. Good. That gave you a higher chance of actually getting him to do as you asked. It felt like you needed to prove a point. That you were interested in Toshinori too- not just All Might. “I still have a few hours to go…”
 “Does it make you uncomfortable? You don’t have to,” you acquiesced, although reluctantly. You knew there was a line for him but... as much as you wanted him to be comfortable with you, you didn’t want to have sex with him now if he was in his muscular form. It would entirely defeat the purpose of you being here.
 “No, no, it’s alright,” he said after a beat and to your relief he did as you asked. The room quickly filled with smoke.
 He didn’t actually lose much height on you, you noticed, once you had wafted the smoke away and he’d recovered from his coughing fit. Straightening up from where he’d been bent at the waist, you thumbed a line across his bottom lip absently, wiping away blood.
 “Sorry,” he grunted, scrubbing his hand over his face to make sure there was nothing left. It had sounded painful and you knew it happened often.
 “Are you okay?” you asked, searching his face. Your hand still lay on his chest, thumbing absentminded circles against his shirt and he met your gaze with those vivid, strikingly blue eyes that always took the words out of your mouth. Your stomach swooped in your gut and a low, excited throb pulsed between your thighs.
 The longing ache from earlier worsened.
 “M’fine,” he said softly, not looking at you any more but at the blood on your hand instead. A forced, incredulous laugh made it’s way out of his mouth and it instantly set you on edge. That was not the way he usually laughed. “So kid. Is this better? Am I any easier on the eyes?” he asked and the questions were tinged with a bitterness you’d never heard from him before. 
You didn’t like it at all and the question got your back up almost immediately.
 “Yeah, actually it is,” you answered defensively, eyes narrowing as though daring him to argue with you.
 He laughed that not right laugh again and it was like ice.
 “Is that right? Well. Take a good look,” he said and stepped back, arms splayed wide. The suit that would have usually been stretched across his broad chest, hung on him now. His expression was far from the usual happy go lucky Toshinori that you’d fallen for. He really was full of so much self-loathing that it astonished you. The number one hero, Symbol of Peace and saviour of Japan- hated himself. Really hated- and that twisted your stomach painfully. 
“Is this really what you want in your bed at night?”
 Your face dropped, expression full of pain. But not for you. For him- because he really did believe that he wasn’t good enough in this form. That he was somehow lesser.
 He must have seen the hurt in your eyes because his expression softened all of a sudden and his arms dropped back to his sides. He looked away, ashamed of his outburst.
 “I’m sorry,” he muttered, exhaling tiredly. “I shouldn’t be taking my insecurities out on you. It’s not your fault. I guess this isn’t what you expected after everything, huh?” 
You had been silent for a few moments but that question needed an answer.
 “Yeah.”
 He looked up at you, confused.
 “Yeah?” he parroted.
 “I want you in my bed every fucking night,” you said breathlessly and without giving him any more time to over think, you yanked him forward by his tie. He crashed into you and before he could say anything you were kissing him hard, tangling your fingers in the soft hairs at the base of his neck.
 He only flailed a little bit much to your amusement and eventually his fingers wrapped over your shoulders, finding purchase.
 You only pulled back an inch or so to breathe before crowding him, not giving him a single moment more to be down on himself, or to cast doubt on your very obvious intentions. You wouldn’t hear another bad word about himself come out of his mouth.
The back of his legs hit the couch and he stumbled, landing with a little ‘oomph’ and the adorably dazed expression that you’d kissed onto his face.
 You wasted no time and straddled his thighs, one arm braced on the back of the couch beside his head and the other blissfully free to roam across his chest.
 “You’d never break a promise to a fan, would you Toshi?” you murmured, purposely being vague. He looked confused, his head cocking to the side as he managed to focus on your words instead of the fact that you were in his lap.
 “I made you a promise?”
 “A million orgasms? Remember? I do. It’s all I’ve been thinking about,” you admitted, fingers toying with the knot of his tie. Idly undoing it and then his shirt collar, you ducked your head and trailed a line of kisses across his throat. 
It was true. Every moment, every spare second of every day, that promise had taken up your thoughts- as well as all the ways he could fulfil it. With his hands, his mouth, his cock. You had been a woman possessed.
 Toshi’s hands were almost burning as he slid them up along your back and a delicious shiver raced along your spine.
 “I’m sorry,” he said abruptly and you stopped your assault on his neck, lazily bringing your face up to his. His expression was earnest prompting you to press another kiss to his lips, sweet this time instead of hungry. You knew from his tone that he was being honest, serious. “I’m sorry for- for avoiding you like a coward. I didn’t mean to make you feel like I didn’t want you. I did. I do. I just-” he paused, head falling back while his hands came to rest on your hips. “I dunno. I don’t know what to say to you, sweetheart. You could do so much better.”
 “Bullshit,” you said sharply, trying and failing to stop your voice from sounding angry. How could he ever think that? After all the things he’d done? The sacrifices he’d made for others while he kept the world safe? And always, always with a smile.
“You’re a good man Toshinori. If everyone could be a little more like you, then the world would be a fucking awesome place to live.”
 “Thank you but that’s not what I meant. I do appreciate it though,” he said, smiling at you as his hand came up to cup your cheek and he swept a thumb over your cheekbone. “I dunno if you’ve noticed but I’m old kid. Past my prime. You’re…” he trailed off with an almost disbelieving laugh, his eyes roaming over you from where you were seated in his lap, up to your face and back again. 
You flushed under his appreciative gaze, well aware of what he was thinking of when he looked at you like that.
“Younger,” he managed at last. “Gorgeous. Sexy. A million other things. I-”
 He stopped himself, meeting your wide eyed look with an honest one of his own. You had been rendered speechless, the caress of his eyes like he was running his hands over you. He’d never opened up this much and you were drinking it all in- thinking of ways to tell him he was wrong and all the while trying not to preen under his compliments.
 “I’m terrified.”
 Not what you’d been expecting. You blinked stupidly at him for a moment before those unused gears in your head finally began to be useful again.
 “Terrified? Of what?” you asked, confused as all Hell. “Of wanting me? You can’t really think that it’s so out there. Age differences don’t matter to me-”
 “No, not that. Look,” he said, his blush adorably bright as he tackled your questions. You shut up for a moment at last, letting him talk. “I haven’t had someone look at me the way you did last week in- in years.”
 His eyes darted down to his side and you followed his gaze- well aware that he meant since before he’d been injured. Before he’d almost died, was the silent addition and you felt an uncomfortable unease when you thought about him not being here any more.
 You distracted yourself, focusing on the sound of his voice instead and enjoying the soft vibrations you could feel through his shirt.
 “Definitely not when I’m like this. Although, All Might stills gets plenty of attention,” he said with a roll of his eyes, obviously fed up with it all. “I can safely say, no-one has ever shoved my hand down their pants and let me touch them like you did. Not when I look the way I do now.”
 While you were immensely proud of your own confidence the week before, you still couldn’t quite grasp what he was trying to tell you. Shifting in his lap, you leaned into the hand that hadn’t left your cheek.
He gave you a pointed look and suddenly, it clicked.
 “Wait... you’re telling me that you’ve never had sex in this form. Ever,” you deadpanned, disbelief evident in your voice. It was almost unthinkable, to you anyway. But the way he looked at you was proof enough that he wasn’t pulling your leg.
 A wave of cold washed over you as it slowly dawned on you that the first action this big, lovable sweetheart had gotten since he’d been hospitalised had been a quick fumble in the dark with your angry ass. 
The least romantic thing that could ever have happened in the history of fucking humanity- and yeah, you knew that was dramatic but what the fuck!? All of this, with the added bonus of one of his co-workers eavesdropping not ten feet down the hall.
 Shit.
 If you’d have known then… then, you would at least have burned a fucking candle or something. Put up a little mood lighting! Or at least checked to see if anyone was listening.
The knowledge that he probably didn’t even mind your advances and poor planning made you feel even worse. He’d just gone along with it.
 “I did try, you know?” he said uncomfortably after a drawn out moment of you silently freaking out. You reluctantly came back to the room and sucked in a breath, attempting to not look too panicked. This did not sound like it was about to have a happy ending. “After psyching myself up for days I actually got up the courage to go out to a bar like this. I even approached a few women but-” he trailed off, shrugging helplessly.
 “Did it um… go well?” you asked and he laughed, but it was humourless. The same kind of laugh from earlier that had chilled you. He softened though, noticing the look on your face.
“No, kid. It didn’t go well.”
“Oh,” you replied, voice small.
 “I’ve never had a woman look at me like she was, I don’t know. Repulsed, before,” he threw the word out like it meant nothing but fuck, it felt like he’d hit you. The air vanishing from your lungs in an instant. He just tossed words like that around and had no idea how much they affected you. “It’d always been so easy for me but after that night… I just never wanted to feel like I did again. So I didn’t try.”
When he finally looked up at you, he almost jumped, the emotions written clearly on your face.
 You weren’t gonna cry. You were not going to cry. Fuck. Too late.
 Scrubbing at the corners of your eyes, you sniffed hard and turned your head away from his startled expression. You couldn’t look at him, sitting there, so sweet and earnest and lovable. You couldn’t think about it, about him going home alone that night and wondering what was wrong with him.
 Thinking he wasn’t good enough as he was.
 It was too painful.
 “Shit! Are you alright!?” he choked in alarm, ducking his head around until you were forced to look him in the eye. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
 Swallowing back your stupid tears, you nodded and wiped your arm across your face.
 “Those people were fucking morons,” you managed savagely after a moment of silently collecting yourself. That was one of the nicer words that came to mind. You didn’t want to say what you actually thought because you didn’t want to start on a vulgar rant that could last for, easy, an hour.
His smile brightened your mood though.
 “Huh, well,” he laughed all soft and embarrassed like, rubbing his hand across the back of his neck. “It’s nice of you to say so- but even if I had gotten further than asking for their numbers... I don’t think it could have gone anywhere. My confidence was just shot. This…” he gripped his side softly, eyes darting down.
 He trailed off, not finishing his sentence but you got the gist of what he wanted to say.
 That scar that haunted him both mentally and physically was hard to forget about. The constant elephant in the room, whether between you and him or him and his career. You couldn’t do anything about that second one but, at least you had a little bit of power over the first.
Ignoring your whirling emotions for a moment, you managed to calm yourself enough to talk properly.
 “Hey, look at me, big guy.”
 You used the nickname you used when he was All Might. Big guy. He always smiled when you called him that- and not that well practised hero smile either. A real smile. The one that made your heart skip a beat.
 Now was no different. The corners of his mouth rose slowly and then he was gracing you with a soft, gorgeous grin that lit up the fucking room.
 You almost forgot what you were going to say. His eyes tentatively met yours and the words came back to you, despite how heavy your tongue felt in your mouth.
 “Toshinori, I know this is hard for you, okay?” you said, swallowing back all the words and emotions that threatened to pour out of you and picking your words carefully instead. “I know you’ve had bad experiences in the past and it might be difficult to trust me... but you’ve known me long enough now to know that I don’t fuck around with things like this. I would never hurt you like that.”
 “Yeah, yeah I know,” he replied lowly, and his forehead fell against yours.
 While he didn’t look entirely convinced, his body did relax somewhat between your legs and he actually tilted forward to kiss you- which sent a little thrill along your spine. You were happy to accept it.
 It became heated quickly, the palm of one of his hands pressing between your shoulders to bring your body closer to his. You arched your back, your stomach and breasts plastered to his front by the time you tore your mouth away to breathe. 
The hard line of his cock pressed up between your legs, giving you a good idea that his body’s needs were far outpacing his reluctant thoughts.
 “You make me so fucking hot, Toshi,” you muttered and he captured your mouth again in another searing kiss, his free hand carding fingers through your hair. It was soothing and you found the tension you’d been holding in your shoulders all day, easing.
 “You sure you’re not trying to kill me?” he replied when he pulled back, his voice hoarse and needy at the same time. You bucked playfully in his lap and tugged at his open shirt collar, bringing his face close to yours.
 “Like I would kill you before I’ve seen you naked,” you pointed out, as though it was obvious.
 Despite the entire conversation up until now and the fact that you were sitting in his lap and raring to get this party started- he still flashed you an uneasy smile at the mere mention of him getting undressed.
 Thankfully, you were more than prepared for this eventuality. You had put a little bit of thought into this other than, ambush him in his office and ride him on the couch.
Although, you got an A for the plan so far. 
 “Hey, look at me,” you soothed reassuringly, lifting his chin with your finger. He did, the corners of his mouth turning down. “Don’t sweat the small stuff. We’ll do this one step at a time and you can stop me whenever you want. I won’t be upset, okay?” 
He nodded, looking at you with fucking hearts in his eyes. You knew your expression was much the same so you could hardly tease him about it.
“I’ll even go first to ah- make you more comfortable,” you shot him a wink, smoothing your hand over his cheek. You knew how self conscious he was but you weren’t about to let that spoil his good time. If he was more comfortable being fully clothed and you being naked, then so fucking be it.
 Besides, the thought made you kind of hot. It was like being called to the principal’s office for being naughty-
Oh. Wow. There was a fantasy that was just waiting to be explored. There was time for all of those things later though. Right now, this was about him.
 Your offer of getting naked didn’t seem to rid him of his nervous tension though. If anything it made it worse. You slid out of his lap all the same, subtly surveying him.
 A gut wrenching rush of heat and wetness spread between your legs when you did.
 All he was doing was sitting there and he was managing to turn you into a needy, aroused mess.
 Granted, he was very, very attractive to you right now- even if he might not think so.
 He was reclined back, his cheeks pink and his hair a mess from where you’d been gripping handfuls of it. His lips were well kissed and his chest was rising and falling rapidly- tie hanging loose around his neck. His legs, all long and lean were falling open and the hard outline of his cock was straining against the fabric, ready to be free.
 Honestly, it was a miracle that you could stand up at all, let alone be moderately sexy while you stripped for him. But by the time you were naked- your panties thrown over your shoulder to land on his desk- he was as equally fucking ruined as you were.
 He’d clenched his hands into fists, his knuckles white and his teeth gritted like he longed to reach out and touch you but wouldn’t do so without permission.
 Feeling oddly confident despite the difference in dress, you stepped between his legs and waited as he trailed his eyes up and over you. 
“You can touch me, ya know,” you reminded him after a moment. His tongue darted out to wet his lips and slowly- oh so fucking slowly- he reached out a hand and rested it lightly on your stomach. His hand was big and his palm hot when he splayed his fingers out and they brushed the undersides of your breasts.
 It was no wonder you’d been a little sore the day after your excursion in the closet. His fingers were long and there had been many times that you’d become hyperfixated on them before now.
 “Is this better?” you asked, voice husky and hopefully sexy.
 He glanced up at you face, giving you a nervous laugh. 
“You’re beautiful,” he said reverently, his gaze wandering in a heated path from your head to your feet- lingering on your breasts and then on the apex of your thighs.
His hand slid to your hip and with a strength that belied his skinny frame, he tugged you back into his lap. You laughed as you stumbled into his embrace but it quickly morphed into a moan when his mouth closed over your nipple.
 His other hand came up to cup your breast, his thumb sweeping a wide circle over the peak and you could do nothing but whimper like an idiot in heat as he lavished attention on you. The sweet pull of his lips, the sharp nip of his teeth and then the soothing stroke with the flat of his tongue had your head swimming while long fingers worked you diligently.
You could feel your arousal threatening to drip along the inside of your thigh, sticky and hot and you wanted him to feel it too.
 On the other hand though, you didn’t particularly want to ruin his suit pants. You’d already made him come in his hero outfit and the dry cleaning for that material was probably expensive as fuck. It was only that vague thought in the back of your head that made brought you back to reality and tug on his hair to get his attention.
 He glanced up at you with a hum of questioning.
 Leaving one last longing kiss between your breasts, he reluctantly pulled away and let you attach your lips to his again. He was deceptively good with his tongue, you thought suddenly. You could hardly wait for him to eat you out.The thought made your thighs quiver in anticipation and it wasn’t abated when his hands slid along the back of them and then up, covering your ass.
 His fingertips dug into the soft flesh, pulling you closer.
 The slow build of confidence you were seeing was addictive. You wanted him to show you just what you’d been missing these past few months. You wanted him to make you scream like you had in that closet and the mere thought of his fingers sliding into your aching pussy made your head light.
 He might not have done anything like this in a few years, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have a few tricks up his sleeve either.
 His mouth dipped to your throat and that son of a bitch knew how high you wore your shirts because he stopped just below an invisible line and promptly sucked a dark mark into your skin. Your pussy clenched around nothing longingly and you fisted your hand in his shirt, unable to even protest.
 The thought of being marked by him was simply too arousing.
 “Toshi,” you admonished playfully, pressing a kiss to the side of his head so he knew you weren’t actually mad. He gave a coy laugh, humming against your skin and you felt him smile rather than saw it.
 “Sorry kid,” he rumbled, fingers squeezing your hips now instead of your ass. You kind of missed the grip he’d had on you, keeping you close to his eagerly straining cock. Fuck, you wanted to take him inside you as soon as possible. “I got a little carried away.”
 “You know, you’re going to have to stop calling me kid eventually. Otherwise this might get weird,” you pointed out, trailing your gaze over his flushed face. He gave you a lopsided, sheepish smile and the tips of his ears went pink.
 “Force of habit. You are younger than me, you know.”
 You tutted and rolled your eyes but your half smile gave you away.
 “Come on, Toshi. You act like you’re ancient sometimes. Live a little, old man.”
 He laughed. A genuine, full laugh that had you not knowing whether to cry, kiss him or just ride him until you were both exhausted. Then to your surprise, he wrapped you up in his arms with a playful growl and kissed you.
 Oh yeah, number three was definitely winning.
 Even though you were naked and he wasn’t, you didn’t feel the kind of reluctant embarrassment you might have felt with anyone else. Toshi was the last person who would ever judge you and knowing that bolstered your confidence enough to tug his face up to yours. 
You tugged your bottom lip between your teeth.
 “Wanna know a secret?” you asked, noticing the moment his eyes became entranced by your mouth. He made to move forward- almost not hearing your question- but your hand on his chest made him stop.
 “Huh? You have a secret?” he said and when your smile turned wolfish, his grip tightened where it was already digging into your waist. If it was nerves you weren’t sure but you said nothing about it. 
 “I’ve been thinking about doing this all week. Sneaking into your office and fucking you.”
 “Oh?”
 He might have aimed for nonchalant but he missed by a mile, his voice cracking a little when he swallowed. You watched his Adam’s apple bob and heard the sharp little inhale of breath that hitched in his throat. Your tongue swept over your bottom lip now, keeping his attention on your mouth.
 “Do you remember that day in the teacher’s lounge?”
 The day he’d stood like an awkwardly adorable beanpole in the corner while the principal talked, looking everywhere but at you and then had split before you could even talk to him. He shot you a very apologetic look when he remembered his behaviour but you shut him up before he could say anything about it- your finger trailing across his lips lightly.
 “The whole time, I was thinking about sucking your cock.” He choked out a noise but you hushed him, not quite finished with your story yet. “Just, getting on my knees and taking you into my mouth... Honestly, I was super unprofessional.”
 A giddy little thrill ran through your body at admitting your little secret fantasy. 
 To your surprise, he didn’t pop a blood vessel like you thought he would. Instead, his eyes darkened and slowly, tentatively, he drew the finger that you were tracing over his lips into his mouth. A fresh wave of arousal washed over you at the unexpected, but welcome, turn of events.
 With your other hand, you slowly began to undo the buttons on the front of his shirt.
 Even though his eyes were trained intently on your face, he didn’t protest or ask you to stop- much to your relief. He released your finger with a soft, wet pop and in a bit of a daze, you made quick work of his tie.
 Instead of throwing it to one side, you circled it around your neck and let the soft, smooth material fall between your breasts. His eyes followed it and you were glad to give him something else to focus on other than the slow exposure of his chest and stomach.
 “Does it suit me?” you asked, the tip of your tongue pressing against a sharp canine and your expression scandalous.
 He snorted, unable to stop himself from laughing at your ridiculous expressions.
 “It’s never looked better, that’s for sure,” he said, his hands sweeping up along your sides to press your breasts together around the soft line of the tie. “You’re so fucking pretty,” he muttered, half to himself and half out loud. Then his whole face went beet red when he realised that you had heard him- like you would be mad at him for saying it.
 On the contrary, a rush of affection filled you to the point that you simply had to lean into him and nuzzle a sweet kiss to his mouth. You butted your forehead against his gently, your noses touching.
 Jesus, just how blue were his eyes?
 Button by button, his shirt fell open between you and by the time you were finished looking at him like he was offering you the moon, you could see the barest glimpse of the dark pink, shiny skin peeking out from one side.
 You made sure that you didn’t let your gaze linger for a moment more than necessary.
 Instead, you focused on everything else that you could see.
 You found yourself pleasantly surprised. For a man as skinny as he was- his body was mostly lean, solid muscle. While you could just make out his ribs, the rest of him was nicely built. You trailed a hand along the newly exposed skin, all tan and warm under your touch. You followed a path down between his pectoral muscles and across the still faintly defined six pack that he was sporting.
 When the muscles twitched under your hand, you threw a playful glance at him.
 “You’ve been holding out on me,” you said accusingly, a throaty chuckle slipping out when he looked confused. Exhilaration mixed with adrenaline was making you giddy and before he could say anything remotely bad about himself, you swooped forward and kissed him- pressing your naked form against him and rolling your body into his embrace.
 You wanted him, needed to feel him everywhere. You couldn’t get close enough.
 His arm came up across your back, fingers splaying between your shoulder blades as he held you firmly to his body.
 After a moment of slow, lazy kisses, you coaxed his tongue into your mouth to encourage him to him take the lead. Sure, showering him with compliments and telling him how much you were enjoying yourself was all well and good- but there wouldn’t be anything better for his confidence than letting him take control of the whole thing.
Besides, you were happy to have him set the pace if it meant he was relaxed with you.
 “I want you on top of me,” you murmured and you gasped when his mouth suddenly dipped to the hollow of your throat. His tongue laved a line from there, across your collarbone to where he bit down lightly on your shoulder. “Toshi?”
 Saying his name seemed to finally awaken something in him because you were suddenly scooped up into his embrace and a second later, you found yourself looking up at the ceiling- encased in the lush cushions you’d been admiring earlier. 
They really were as comfortable as you’d thought they’d be.
 You were quickly distracted from you admiration of the furniture by a hard body slotting between your open thighs. He loomed over you, one big hand planted firmly in the cushions beside your head and the other suddenly cupping a handful of your breast.
 It was quickly becoming apparent that Toshinori was a breast man. 
He palmed each one softly, expertly and your nipples pebbled under the ministrations. He cocked his head, eyes fixed on your tits like he wasn’t planning on leaving them alone any time soon.
 He rolled one nipple between his thumb and forefinger, tugging it gently a few times before moving to the other to give it the same attention.
 You were breathing heavily by the time his fingers slid away from your nipples to the forgotten tie that rested in the valley of your breasts. Well. You’d forgotten about it while he was lavishing attention on you. Clearly he hadn’t.
 While he watched your expression, he deftly tied a knot to secure it around your neck.
 Hnng.
 You went utterly boneless, especially after he gave it a playful tug and it slid ever so slightly tighter around your throat. Sparks ignited in your stomach and flitted down between your thighs, tingling and tightening muscles in their wake.
 Well, that had been unexpected.
 You wanted him to do it again but lacked the diction to actually tell him and a low, eager whine escaped instead of words. He shot you a pleased smile and then sat back onto his knees, his shirt now hanging open to reveal his stomach.
 This time, you made sure that he knew where you were looking as your heated gaze sank downwards, lower and lower- drinking him in.
 The difference in dress must have finally gotten to him, especially the way he was staring at you and suddenly he was undressing, agonisingly slowly with his eyes on yours- and all you could do was lie there, a soaking mess of wordless wonder.
 He took his time with it and even though you knew it was partly because of his insecurities, you couldn’t help but wonder if he was subconsciously teasing you. You certainly felt teased with every new inch of skin revealed.
 His rumpled suit jacket was thrown over the back of the couch carelessly and then he was finally shrugging out of his too big shirt- only sparing a quick, curious glance at your face as he did. His cheeks were still bright pink but he said nothing- letting his actions speak volumes.
 He paused only once when he finally reached his belt buckle but you fixed him with a dark, heated look that spurred him to continue.
 Never had you been so aroused by watching a man strip before.
 Long, clever fingers slowly undid the buckle and the memory of those same fingers driving you to orgasm had your hips bucking involuntarily. His movements slowed as he looked away from what he was doing to your face.
 What a sight he made, you thought idly. Kneeling over you, his pants splaying open at the top and tented under the heaviness of his erection. He followed your gaze, coming to rest where you were looking and then, to your surprise, he palmed a hand over the outline of his cock- almost as though he was showing off.
 You swallowed hard, making a noise of impatience.
 His lips quirked noticeably and he went back to work, tugging off his shoes and socks and then going back to his trousers.
 Finally, he was naked. You sat up, reaching for him to bring him back to you, missing the heat of him on top of you. He followed you, nudging your thighs apart to kneel between them. 
His cock was thick, bobbing softly under it’s own weight and he gripped the base, stroking a slow line up along the shaft and then back again. A silvery bead of pre-cum leaked from the tip as he pulled his foreskin back, dripping down bit by bit until it threatened to fall.
You desperately wanted to catch it on your tongue, take him into your mouth- but this moment was his now. Your control had been handed over. 
 His scar took up a solid chunk of his torso,splashed across what was once smooth, unblemished skin. The wound had clearly been deep- and yeah, you didn’t really know all the details of how he’d gotten it but you could guess that it had been an agonising experience. It didn’t bear thinking about.
 The fact that he was here, that he was alive and warm above you was a testament to how amazing he really was. To have gone through all of that and survived it,come out fighting on the other side… He was astounding.
 “You with me, sweetheart?” he asked, his voice smooth and sweet, hovering hesitantly above you with his cock in one hand and the other gripping your thigh. You met his gaze solidly, a salacious grin splitting your face.
 “I’m right here,” you said softly, shimmying closer and bringing your knees up snugly against his hips. That was an invitation if there ever was one.
 “We can still stop if you want to-” he said, trailing off. You were both naked, inches away from each other and he was still trying to give you one last out. One last opportunity to change your mind.
 Like you would.
 He released his hold on your thigh, his hand cupping across his side and his eyes searching your face, the worry in them palpable. Was this suddenly too much? Were you coming to your senses at last?
Clearly slipping into deep thought had made you look reluctant to continue- in his eyes at least.
 “Don’t you dare,” you warned, your voice playful but laced with an underlying seriousness. “Toshinori, I’ve been getting myself off all week because of you. You don’t think I deserve a little something for all my suffering?” you asked quietly, before dipping your hand between your legs to rub a slow circle around your clit.
 It was a delightful feeling, pleasure igniting as you settled into the familiar touch- only made all the more intense knowing that he could see you doing it. He watched, breath bated and his shoulders tensed as you touched yourself- strokes lazy and unhurried.
 Nipping your lip, you tilted your hips upwards to give him a better view. Your thighs fell apart and you slipped your fingers lower, finding slick wetness and pressing inside.
 A gasp clawed up your throat without you even thinking and you sank two fingers in, practised and confident in your own expertise.
 To your delight, he forgot all of his insecurities for a moment. Long, nimble fingers folded around his cock and he began to stroke himself- all while intensely watching you masturbate for him. His thick moan split the air and it was like music to your ears.
 It was very arousing, watching him jerk off over you. Because of you.
 “Please Toshi,” you said, breathlessly. “I need you.”
 His answer was a filthy, eager groan and without any more thoughts of stopping or worry about what he looked like, he moved forward and pressed the tip of his cock between the swollen lips of your pussy. You jolted, inhaling a sharp, stilted gasp of pleasure at the sudden touch.
 “Please,” you chanted softly. “Please, please, please-”
 “Fuck,” was his choked response, the blunt head of his cock sliding through your wetness and bumping against your clit. He did it again, then again and you quickly realised that he was watching the expressions on your face intently. Once more, to draw another groan out of you and then he was pressing inside- pushing you apart and filling you inch by inch.
 Your thighs trembled around his waist and your head pressed into the couch below when your back arched.
 “Oh, Toshi!” you cried, pleasure racing through you. You were suddenly thankful that you didn’t have to worry about making too much noise. There was nothing holding you back here.
 He was stretching you far more than you’d thought he would and it very quickly toed the line between pleasure and pain. The adage that skinny guys have big dicks was definitely holding true because damn-
 It was almost too much but then he made a noise of absolute bliss and buried his face against your neck, teeth scraping your skin in a playful bite and you relaxed- just enough to feel comfortable taking him in further.
 His breath was scorching and you could feel the silent tension building in his arms- in the hand that was holding your hip up from the couch. He carried on inspite of it, sliding himself into you even further, deeper, making you crazy.
 He watched your face the whole time, drinking in your expressions.
 Eventually, he bottomed out and his pubic bone pressed against you, signalling that he was as deep as he could go.
 Your head span in delight. Toshinori, the man you’d been yearning for for months was currently balls deep in you- his breath catching in his throat and his fingers digging into your hip hard enough to bruise.
 The mere thought was enough to make you clench around him and his hips jerked reflexively. Red flushed across his cheeks as he fought with himself not to do it again.
 You stroked a gentle line down his back, fingertips dancing over his vertebrae one by one. As you went lower, you were constantly interrupted by the smooth skin of multiple scars and you wondered briefly just how many he had.
 But then he grunted softly into your ear and brought your attention back to the here and now.
 A shiver ran through him and you felt it- from your fingers to your pussy.
 “You okay?” you asked, your voice uneven as you tried not to shift your hips too much. Every movement, every sharp breath he took, ground him hard against your clit and you were beginning to throb with the unreleased tension.
 You didn’t want to come too soon. You wanted this to last for as long as it could.
 “Y-yeah… It’s just-” he said as steadily as he could, nuzzling his nose across your cheek as he semi-avoided answering your question. “S’been a while sweetheart. I don’t want to, um-”
 Your eyebrows rose in surprise. Ah, you hadn’t even thought of that.
 Hadn’t he made it perfectly clear that he hadn’t seen any action in a while? It would make sense that he would be a little over sensitive the first time. The thought of him losing control came unbidden and you couldn’t deny that it turned you on. Warmth and something else- something foreign rose in your chest and you cupped his cheek, tugging him down for a lazy, unhurried kiss.
 “Take as long as you need to, baby,” you said, squeezing softly around him and he choked out an embarrassed, almost nervous laugh.
 Whether it was over your not-so-accidental slip of the tongue or the current situation, you didn’t know. Probably a little of both.
 But if he got to call you ‘sweetheart’ and make you all pathetic and needy, then you could return the favour you decided.
 “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable,” he said, his breath catching when you hitched your legs higher again over his hips. You grinned up at him, circling your arms around his neck and stroking your fingers through his hair.
 “Believe me, Toshi. I’m far from uncomfortable… I like having you inside me,” you murmured, peppering little kisses down, from his bottom lip to his chin, and then to his sharp jawline. He slid his hand up along your side, sighing almost contentedly against your hair. “Feel so full. So good,” you continued, nipping at him teasingly.
 “Y-yeah?” he said.
 “Fuck yes Toshinori,” you sighed a pleased, longing sound and rose your hips a little to make sure he was as deep as possible.
 Having him resting inside you, all hot and hard was doing things to your head. Your inner muscles flitted and spasmed around him, relishing the stretch and while you could hardly wait for him to move- simply having this, being with him like this… it was so much more than you’d ever dreamed about.
 Far better than your wild fantasies of destructive fucking and hot rendezvous. Those were great, yeah and you had no doubt that you would get him there eventually… but this…
 Oh. This.
 It was real and he was here in your arms, looking at you with an expression akin to adoration. Giving him the confidence he deserved to have was more than you could have asked for. He nuzzled you again, stroking your hair away from your face and then pressing a kiss to the tip of your nose.
 You giggled, a noise that you would never have made in a thousand years in public. But it made him grin, all big and happy and then he moved his hips and your world went quiet- soft and hot and spinning all at the same time.
 It was just the two of you, here in this office- in this little bubble that reminded you of the week before. His forehead was pressed against yours and his fingers were roaming across your skin with an impassioned eagerness- thumbing over your nipples and then sliding between your bodies to rub circles against your clit.
 His hips snapped suddenly against yours and it drove him home inside you. You arched up, pressing your slick stomach against his. You could feel the rough texture of his scar against you and when you opened your mouth to suck in a shaky breath, he found it with his and stopped you in your tracks.
 He found a good rhythm fairly quickly, breathy sighs escaping him with every roll of his body into yours.
 It had already been a warm day and was even warmer in the office, and sweat beaded on his forehead.
 Your hands found purchase wherever they could and eventually, one drifted up along his injured side without you even thinking. He didn’t stop his thrusts but they did slow, his steady rhythm faltering a little bit. You realised what you were doing and your eyes found his, arm suddenly tense. You didn’t want to move your hand- wanted to feel all of him, every part.
 You never wanted him to feel repulsive again. Ever.
 However, Toshi said nothing.
 Instead, his eyes bore into yours with a deep, bone shattering intensity. Fuck that was hot. He didn’t take his gaze away from yours for a second and it was like you were in a trance as he reeled back slowly- oh so fucking slowly- before slamming back into you.
 The sudden force of the thrust rattled your brain and it also tore a frantic, strangled sound from your throat.
 Pleasure rocketed through your body and when he did it again, you knew to expect it and rolled with him, timing it so you met him halfway. He grunted, his jaw going slack and his eyes squeezing shut as he concentrated on the pleasure he was taking from your body.
 Your name fell from his lips and hit you like warm summer rain on your skin. You answered with a cry and a garbled mess of pleading- begging him to take you harder, take you faster, love you, fuck you- please, please-
 “Baby, please,” you sobbed as he switched to shallow, half halting thrusts. He barely pulled out at all with every stroke and it seemed as though he suddenly wanted to be as close to you as possible.
 You only just managed to register what happened next.
 Warmth engulfed the hand that you’d kept on his ruined side and you eventually managed to break through the haze of pleasure in a moment of lucidity, glancing down.
 Your heart skipped a beat in your chest, then regained it’s pace and thundered hard against your rib cage.
 Toshi’s big hand covered yours, pressing your palm against the one thing that made him the most vulnerable. It was an incredible show of trust from him and you lunged upwards with your free hand, pulling him into a frenzied, hot kiss- almost letting out a sob into his mouth.
 He moaned and your tongue met his, replying with a choked, needy groan of your own.
 “Perfect, you’re perfect baby-” you said hurriedly, feeling the winding, throbbing tension in your groin building to a release.
 His hips stuttered as you spoke and you knew that as much as he was trying to hold back his climax, he wasn’t going to last much longer. You wanted to see him come. Wanted to see the desperate, sweet pleasure in his expression that you’d caused him.
 As though he’d read your mind, he glanced down between you to the sight of him sliding in and out of you, then back to your face.
 “You haven’t-” he choked, clearly realising what you were trying to do. You squeezed hard around his cock again and his next sentence cut off midway with an almost agonised moan. “Fuck, you, you haven’t come yet.”
 “I will,” you murmured reassuringly, already nearing the peak. You needed to see him. “I will, I promise. I wanna see you come Toshi,” you pleaded, one hand stroking his side gently and the other tangled in his hair to keep his face close to yours. He looked like he was going to argue some more but you kissed him hard, all tongue and teeth and his whine was music to your ears.
 His pace turned frantic as he did as you wanted, chasing his orgasm with a fury.
 His hips slapped against your ass and you could feel your arousal dripping out of you, covering you both and making every thrust sound slick and wet. Obscene noises filled the little office and the heat drove you both onwards- a writhing mess on the couch.
 He tensed suddenly and a long line of expletives mixed with your name, turned the air blue.
 Toshi came hard and the look of sweet ecstasy on his face was glorious.
 His body shuddered, throwing his hips forward in small, shaky movements as he came inside you. Wet warmth spread between your legs and that, coupled with the grinding against your clit was enough to send you where you wanted to go.
 Your orgasm rose in easy, pulsing waves like water breaking on the rocks and he kept up the soft circles on your clit all the while- guiding you through it. Your inner muscles fluttered around him and he huffed out a laboured breath, his arm shaking under the weight of keeping him upright.
 As your orgasm slowly receded, you relaxed backwards and released a breath you hadn’t even realised you were holding. Cheeks red and hair a mess, Toshi stared at you the whole time- his expression gravitating between satisfaction and disbelief.
 “You okay?” you asked, knowing full well that he was hovering between both yes and no. Now that the haze of lust was gently dispersing, the fact that he was naked and very much exposed to you was probably creeping back up on him. “Hey, look at me Toshinori.”
 When he did as you asked and his eyes met yours, you flashed him a sly grin and tugged him down to lay on you. His arm gave out and he landed on you with a startled noise. Laughter bubbled out of you at his surprised expression but it quickly turned to one of fond affection instead, when he realised that neither of you were freaking out.
 He wasn’t as heavy as you’d thought he would be and his body fit nicely against yours.
 You could feel come dribbling out of you and down to the couch below, his softening cock still very much inside you. Neither of you had the energy to do anything about it though which, hey, was a real shame because this couch should honestly be in a fucking hall of fame somewhere. At least, in your opinion.
 Presenting it to said museum might pose a bit of a problem.
 After a long moment, filled with gentle touches and kisses, he finally spoke, rising up on his elbows to come face to face with you.
 “Hey.”
 You were pretty sure you looked like a mess- having just been royally fucked on a couch in the middle of the summer heat. But the way he looked at you made you feel like a movie star or some shit. His eyes sparkled with something unspoken but pleasant and you couldn’t stop the giddy smile that broke across your face.
 “Hi,” you managed to say at last, stroking his hair away from his forehead. “So um… are you gonna thank Hizashi after this? Because you probably should.”
 His laugh was loud, energetic and happy. He laughed like he used to and it drew all sorts of emotions that you’d been holding back to the surface. You blinked hard, feeling tears forming in the corners of your eyes when you did. Damn, stupid emotions, you thought bluntly.
 So you buried your face into his neck before he could see your tears. You didn’t want him thinking that he’d done something wrong and you didn’t want to explain why you were crying like an asshole after really great sex.
 “I’ll send him a card,” he chuckled, hugging you close to him and that just made the tears come harder than before- but you curled closer and discreetly wiped your eyes. His hand swept up along your side and you both lay quietly for a moment, you collecting yourself and him basking in the blissful afterglow.
 It took you a minute to get your emotions in check but you did eventually and soon, it was becoming far too warm laying underneath him. As reluctant as you were to move, you nudged him and he took the hint- slipping out of you at last and rolling to the side.
 You shifted, pillowing your head on your arm. It was, thankfully, an easy task being face to face with him while you were both horizontal. He grinned, mirroring your pose and for a few moments you both lay like that- his free hand tracing lazy circles against the softness of your stomach.
 In the warmth of the room and the heat from his body, it would have been easy to drift into a dozy sleep but you resisted the pull of exhaustion.
 Instead, you trailed a finger across his scar, finally taking the time to look at it properly. He tensed more out of habit than anything else, but said nothing to stop you as you explored. You were almost fascinated by the pattern it made. Like a sunflower burned into his skin.
 “I would punch them,” you said finally, looking back to his face and finding his expression light and almost pleased.
 His eyebrow quirked in curiosity, a half smile forming on his lips.
 “Punch them? Who?”
 “The person who did that to you. I would punch them. So fucking hard,” you said firmly, with a conviction you didn’t know you possessed. His expression softened and his gaze dipped to your lips as though he wanted to kiss you. Then, he remembered that he was technically allowed to kiss you and so he did, dipping forward to find your lips- languid and hot.
 “No need to, kid,” he said when he pulled away. “I already did.” Pride tinged his voice when said that. “Besides. I would never let him get close enough to you to punch. Never.”
 He gave you a stern look but it didn’t hold much weight seeing as his hair was sticking up in every direction and you were both still very naked. It was difficult to pull off serious when you were naked. True facts. Sliding your thigh between his legs, you watched his expression change from serious to amused when you waggled your eyebrows at him.
 “Heh, you liiiiike me,” you singsonged childishly and he snorted, rolling his eyes as though he could deny it. “C’mon Toshi,” you jabbed him lightly in his uninjured side and he jerked, choking out a laugh. He was ticklish it seemed. “Admit it. You wanna kiiiiiss me-”
 You were abruptly and very rudely, in your opinion, cut off when he did just that. But you were both smiling too hard for it to be a proper kiss- simply giggling and laughing against each others mouths.
 Your teasing had clearly lightened his mood even more and honestly, if you could make him look like this every day for the rest of your lives, you’d happily do it. In the back of your mind, you wondered if he’d like that too.
 You hummed a pleased sound, butterflies erupting in your stomach.
 “Yeah, I guess I do,” he said. He didn’t elaborate which part he was talking about, but you didn’t mind.
 Either one was good for you.
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drxwsyni · 4 years ago
Text
Willing ︱Yandere Dabi x f!Reader
@riarora asked: “Could you do yandere Dabi x reader where the reader is one of those people who reads yandere fanfic and knows almost everything, including how to get out, but she doesn’t want to, cause it’s weirdly her dream?”
a/n: ahh yes some good ol’ self awareness. thanks for the request bby, i really liked writing this!
warnings: violence, swearing, kidnapping, suggestive themes
(2.5k words)
_____
It wasn’t hard to tell where Dabi’s intentions lied.
You’d spent more than enough time indulging yourself in mindless scrolling, reading piece after piece pertaining to a certain genre. One that in reality wasn’t the healthiest, but my god was it ever alluring.
Maybe you were lonely, or just apathetic to the red flags that this behaviour presented. Either way, the developing relationship you had with the man was one that you were all too familiar with.
At first it wasn’t obvious―you disregarded his actions as him shamelessly flirting. Dabi had a habit of pushing your buttons, getting you flustered and squirming under his gaze. You could tell he was enjoying himself, seeing what his words did to you.
Once he got bored of the verbal sentiments it moved on to something much more physical. An arm lazily draped around your shoulder, a grip on your chin forcing you to look at him when you turned away in embarrassment. He seemed to enjoy the temporary fear he placed in you when he came up behind you only to wrap his arms tightly around your waist, pulling you firmly into his chest. Every time he did it took you a moment to register the guilty party, but one glance down at the semi-scarred arms and you knew exactly who had scooped you up. If that wasn’t enough, the hot breath against the shell of your ear as he greeted you would do the trick.
If you didn’t know any better you would’ve assumed it was just his personality. The teasing nicknames and lingering stares could be seen as endearing for the most part.
It was when certain attributes bled into the relationship were you able to pick up on the motivation behind his mannerisms.
He had a temper―that much was obvious.
It was never a problem until you idly mentioned in passing conversation that you were saving up money to move away for college. He just...stopped. You thought he didn’t hear you, but not a moment later and he was laughing at you.
“The fuck do you need college for doll? You know that shit is a fucking scam.”
To be fair you never thought he’d have such a strong opinion. As far as you knew you were just some side chick he’d like to mess with when he was bored.
“Well I can’t just keep a dead end job forever. I’d like to move on eventually―meet new people, make better money, y’know…”
The two of you were at his apartment, your back turned to him as you made something to drink in the kitchen. You jumped slightly as one arm wrapped around your waist, the other coming to rest atop the counter in front to you.
His frame leaned into yours, your hip bones digging into the countertop. “What, so you’re just gonna abandon me for some shitty frat boys and student debt?”
The idea almost made you laugh. He was partly correct―the piling debt wouldn’t be fun, but you would have to deal with it just like every other student. As for the college hookups, well it wasn’t something you had actually thought about. You were feeling bold tonight, thinking that perhaps he should get a taste of his own teasing medicine. “Aw, you're not jealous of a few college goers, are you Dabi?”
The hand that was placed on the countertop came to drift towards your face, moving a wayward strand of hair behind your ear. “No need to be jealous of people who I know I’m better than sweets. Just worried about a pretty little thing like you getting hurt is all.”
You smiled at his concern, “I’m sure I can fend for myself, thank you very much.”
The grip on your waist tightened ever so slightly. “Can you though?”
“I don’t―”
“You can barely fucking handle when I mess with you.”
You turned around at the statement, slightly offended, coming face to face with his cold scowl. “Well maybe they won’t be as rude to me.”
At that Dabi’s lips formed into a smirk. “Oh, you think I’m being rude? You’ve got no idea what those little shits might get up to.”
His gaze was piercing, something you could never look at for a long time. You dropped your head slightly and averted your eyes to something else in the room to distract you. “I’ll never know if I don’t go, not like there’s much holding me back here anyways.”
The sudden feeling of Dabi gripping your chin between his thumb and forefinger was momentarily jarring. It forced you to look up at his as he spoke, his other arm still pulling you close into his chest. “So you’re gonna let a bunch of strangers put their filthy little hands all over you? Not sure I like the sound of that princess.”
The closeness flooded your senses with the smell of smoke and cologne. You tried to put some distance between the two of you, but the counter was still pressed firmly into your back leaving no room for escape. “I’m not saying that―I just don’t see myself having a future here. I’ve gotta move on eventually.”
He gave a laugh in response, but it was closer to an exasperated huff. “Nah, fuck that. College is a waste of time, and I’m all the goddamn company you need if that’s what you’re looking for.”
“Listen, as boring as sitting through lectures sounds, I'll take it over my lame ass job any day. And no offence but you do tend to give me headaches with all the shit you put me through.” You made an attempt to move out of his grasp, but you were only met with him pushing you back into the counter quite roughly.
“You’re not going to fucking college.” He was still smirking, but the look in his eyes that was normally vibrant seemed...empty.
Well this wasn’t the turn of events you were expecting.
You liked to think you were a strong person, but his persistence in the matter was unnerving to say the least. “That’s not your decision to make.”
He laughed at your attempt to sound confident, “I can do whatever the fuck I want princess.”
His cocky attitude could almost make you scoff, if it weren’t for the subtle feeling that maybe, just maybe you shouldn’t push him.
...But where’s the fun in that?
“Whatever, I’m sure you can find someone else to annoy.” You turned back around to keep working on the abandoned drink, leaving him to settle his hands on your waist.
“There is nobody else.”
That made you feel a little better, having assumed he only kept you around for entertainment purposes before moving on to something―someone―more serious. But at the same time it was concerning―what was so special about you to him? “Well that’s too bad, I’m not staying here because some asshole is lonely.”
Dabi appeared to be amused with your attitude, hearing the low chuckle from behind you. He went back to having his arms wrapped around you from behind, leaning the side of his head up against yours.. “Aw, you sure dollface? I’ve heard I can be very convincing, bet I could get you to stay somehow.”
You shook your head at his response, “Doubt it. You’d have to do something pretty big to keep me here.”
“Well, I do have my ways sweetheart. Just not so sure you’d agree with what I have in mind.”
Threatening, but not explicit.
“That’s comforting.” This time when you moved to escape his grasp he let you, drink in hand while heading towards the living room couch. You settled on to the worn out cushions, sending Dabi a glare as he used your lap as a footrest when he draped his body across the free expanse of the seating.
Without another word on the subject he chose a movie, letting the room fall into a peaceful absence of conversation.
_____
It was only in your nature to reflect on that encounter with the scarred man, given your expanse of knowledge in regards to the certain kind of behaviour he briefly held.
To be honest it was the first time he showed any real commitment to your questionable relationship. The first time he made it clear that you were his sole focus.
It was nice, but you couldn’t help but pick up on the red flags.
He was a villain. An extremely powerful one at that. He’d mercilessly slaughtered countless people―surely that had some effect on his psyche? If there was any evidence for that, it was this. Nobody with his history just implies something so vaguely ominous without being serious.
But you would never know how serious he was if you didn’t do a little more prodding on the subject.
Just to be on the safe side, you didn’t tempt him with anything that’d make him specifically pissed over one person. If he truly was the person you thought, then you’d have to avoid being the reason he killed someone.
Instead, you took the passive route.
By now you’d given him your phone number, or rather he forced you, saying he would stop teasing you if you did so. Of course he didn’t stop, but that was behind you now.
After that night he seemed a little more...insistent. Usually Dabi wasn’t very talkative, but now he’d taken a liking to keeping up with you through text.
Sometimes it was just idle conversation, but it always had something to do with what you were doing: where you were, who you were with. The talks were still short, but he made the point to ask nonetheless. It gave you the perfect opportunity to push his buttons.
You wouldn’t answer him right away, or you’d be vague with your responses to his interrogative questions. The endeavour to irritate him did little at first, but the more you persisted, the more he got attached to you, the demanding side of his personality started to bleed into your life.
He’d get angry with you for ignoring him. Dabi wouldn’t obsessively spam you with texts―no, he preferred the few he did send to simply disturb you into replying. Warning you that this wouldn’t end well for you. That he knew you were ignoring him. That he’d make you regret acting so stuck up.
Should you have heeded these blatant warning signs? Abso-fucking-lutely.
Yet as time passed and he only got worse, the more you wanted to see just how far he’d be willing to go.
In hindsight, the idea wasn’t the best. You really were going to move away for college, start a new life, maybe meet that special someone.
But Dabi had other plans.
As much as you thought you were being delicate with his temper, his destructive practices proved that everything you had done to avoid violence was in vain.
You should have seen it coming.
He could’ve killed you―should’ve killed you―but he knew this was what he needed. You were what he needed. And the prospect of watching you slip out of his grasp wasn’t something he was ready for. But you were ready for it, and that was the problem. 
So Dabi smoked you out of the only place you could call home, along with destroying anything that’d keep you living with any semblance of independence.
The putrid smell of burning materials and, what you prayed wasn’t searing flesh, was the first to hit your senses. You were awake at the ungodly nightly hour the menace chose to send your apartment complex up in flames. If it weren’t for that you were convinced you would have perished in the fire. But Dabi probably planned for that, much like he probably planned for you to be forced out of the only exit that wasn’t being slowly cremated.
Out of the back exit and right into his arms, all the while you were still choking on the air that was riddled with deadly smoke just a few seconds ago. But he didn’t care, not when he had to stifle your screams with his hand, his other arm wrapped around your lower half, pulling you away from the complex where emergency first responders wouldn’t find you.
He let you look at the building that was gradually succumbing to the devastating effects of his quirk. You knew why he was doing it, but it still scared you.
“You see baby, this is what happens when you don’t listen to me. Take a good look at it, cause you’re never fucking comin’ back here again.” His voice was devoid of empathy, but why would he care in the first place? If anything, he was having fun with the matter.
It was your fault, you’d forced his hand. He wanted to be patient with you. Let you come to him.
But no, you had to piss him off. You deserved this for how much you put him through.
Maybe it was the lingering effects of the smoke that was making you lightheaded. Or perhaps the constricting feeling of Dabi’s arm wrapped around your throat. Realistically, it didn’t matter which was the final nail in your coffin. Soon enough you were passed out, body limp and defenceless in his arms to do whatever he pleased.
And so, when you finally came to, your predicament did not come as a surprise.
A chain wrapped around your ankle, secured firmly into the floor. You laid haphazardly on a bed in what you already knew to be Dabi’s old, fairly run down apartment.
He didn’t bother to wait for you to wake up, just leave you alone in the cold room to figure out what had happened.
But you were very aware of the situation.
This is what you wanted, right?
You pushed him. And now he was pushing back.
Out of pure instinct you gravitated towards yanking at the chains, doing anything to loosen them. Only after a few minutes of doing so you remembered just how you’d done your hair that day. Nothing special, but adorned with a few bobby pins.
And yet, when you removed one to pick at the lock, you stopped. Out of curiosity you taught yourself how to use the makeshift key to open such a device, but what was the point?
He’d only track you down if you got out. And judging by his character he wouldn’t be against some less than comfortable forms of punishment. It was clear that he wouldn’t hesitate to burn down anyone or anything in his way either. 
And when you spent so much time tempting him to do exactly this, why would you ruin it?
It wasn’t healthy, but it proved how much you meant to him. In an equally disturbing and endearing way, he cared about you. More than anyone else had cared about you before. College plans be damned, you could settle for this at least for the time being.
So you put the pins back in your hair, laying back against the firm mattress.
You didn’t entirely know what Dabi had in store for you, but that made it only the more intoxicating.
Eventually you heard the telltale heavy footsteps approaching the locked bedroom door.
You should’ve been scared. You should’ve been fighting tooth and nail to escape your bindings. But as the sound got louder, and the locks on the door shifted open, you could only think of one thing.
It was dangerous, but you still wanted to know the extent of his pent up desires. And subsequently, how you had to play your cards to reveal these traits without getting yourself or anyone else killed.
But no matter what happened, you wanted this.
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sketch--booked · 4 years ago
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rant abbbooouuutt harumi
Dude, Harumi was amazing, both as a villain, a character, and I really approve of her realizing what she’s done after she sees that, what happened to her as a kid, is happening again because she refused to let go, refused to let anything but anger lead her. And then how she died, not only being watched by the resistance and Lloyd, but also drawing Garmadon’s last straw and making him snap.
She was able to bring out parts of a character that no one else had done, and managed to both directly and indirectly break my heart.
Her backstory was well done, and her personality reflected her past and her current actions so well. I’m glad that the show went in the rout of bringing an old event to the present, showing that there are always repercussions. Yes the ninja won when they defeated TGD, but even in season 2 it was acknowledged that it was truly Garmadon that had defeated the snake.
I will say, I know the reveal of Harumi was supposed to be shocking, but my over-analyzing brain kept picking it apart in a story sense, so I could already guess she was a bad guy the moment she sneaked out with Lloyd (I really approve of the giving to the poor thing. Not only was it quite a Robin Hood move, but she is also said royalty that would’ve been taking from the poor. I like my reverse parallels). However, I do like the way it was revealed and how Lloyd immediately understood he’d been lied to.
He didn’t do the bullshittery that is “No! It can’t be! I refuse to believe you were evil this wH ol E time?! And I never saw it!!” that I usually see. Instead we got to see that Lloyd aint yo average protag, slowly piecing it together and being more-so, shocked that she would go to such extremes of killing her royal family, and that really sent Harumi over the edge. But putting on the mask of hatred. Also makes ma just 😩👌
Perfection.
Her motives were a twisted sort of revenge but also naivety. She got her revenge on Lloyd, taking away everything precious to him as she believed they did to her, and she’s technically right.
Had Lloyd not released the Hypnobrai, TGD would’ve never been unleashed and Garmadon would not have been brought back by Wu to defeat it, meaning that the events of season 1-3 would never have happened (and likely 4, as Zane would have not died and they wouldn't have a drive to go to Chen’s tournament) and her bitter hatred towards him for this is entirely reasonable. 
You feel bad for her, especially when you see the nurses talking to her, and she’s just staring silently into nothing. You understand her on a personal level and makes you wonder if Lloyd really is a good guy? This is all his fault so why shouldn’t he be punished? He gets praised and loved for “saving” the city from destruction he caused. He get’s to be the green ninja and his sins are forgiven like pulling out a splinter.
I loved Harumi because she was a victim of circumstance, and all of it was caused by our so-called h e r o.
She only realized this was a bad idea after some preeety big red flags, and you see that she’s beginning to regret those actions slowly. And Mr. E’s death was so heartbreaking, not just for Harumi, since she did seem to have some care for him, but also because she looks right to Ultra Violet and I think Killow? And damn those two,, you can see that thay already are regretting what they did, they are already beginning to questions Garmadon and likely Harumi herself.
I really liked Harumi as a villain, she was interesting and deep, and her mental state is questionable, but the thing is--She’s not wrong... And that’s what’s terrifying. I loved her so much and I’m glad as well then S12 gives us that brif moment for Lloyd to face “Harumi” and finally get out his frustrations and get over her. It was still clear that in S13, Harumi still left an imprint on Lloyd and that’s what’s so amazing. She died, she is genuinely deceased and Lloyd saw it. But she still leaves and incredible weight and imprint on him.
.
It wasn’t really a rant and more just--- me gushing over how well she was writtenkgkhkh but damn bro she was wonderful, absolutely amazing start to post-movie Ninjago. ngl I was concerned for ninago after I had watched S1-7 and had been told that S8 took some things from the movie. But there was no disappointment. Epic Villain, deliciously dark, ngl the new designs are pretty tasty (jay’s freckles thoghghg), and a wonderful story. I also really liked how the ninja were dealing with the loss of Wu and them having to make it through ARGUABLY the worst fight of their loves, without him. She took advantage of that and I love it---
.
So I hoped you like my input, Harumi top tier villain and character, would mentally scar a child again--
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frenchie-sottises · 4 years ago
Text
Monster. (Underfell!Papyrus X Reader.)
Run.
That’s all you could think of.
Run.
She was closing in on you.
Run.
The door wasn’t much further.
RUN.
Your hands firmly held the handle and pulled it. The door swung open, and you took the chance and darted out. The unholy screech of fear and desperation pierced your ears and into your very soul. However, just because you were on the other side, it didn’t mean that nothing would stop her from opening it and snatching you back in.
Your feet immediately started treading through the harsh snow. Your heart was still racing, allowing you to ignore the harsh cold nipping at any exposed skin you may have had. You tried to rid the horrific noise she made by focusing on where you were now. You were always told, by multiple people, that you should never look back. That kind of lesson could apply to many things, but in this context, you were away from the goat monster and now in an environment where anything could pop out of these woods.
You continued in your most applicable choice of footwear. The tread marks were, unfortunately, imprinted in the snow. As much as you thought about covering them up, you soon realized that going back meant you would leave even more footprints, so it was best to continue forward. A few steps ahead was a log, one large enough to make an appropriate resting spot, but you knew well enough from the flower that it was “kill or be killed.” Any point of resting, especially in an open area, would put you at risk for God knows what, so you quietly sighed as you stepped over it.
You yawned once your heart started to finally slow down. It showed just how drained you were since the moment you understood that Toriel was mentally unstable. It further didn’t help that weakness began to show itself in your legs, making you regret stepping over the log more with every second. Despite your body’s protests, you kept going.
Not lingering too far behind was a broad skeleton wearing a typical winter jacket. He, for once, didn’t rest and make puns with the monster on the other side like he normally did. He suspected something was awry, and he wasn’t wrong for acting on those suspicions. However, he didn’t expect those suspicions to involve such a weak creature.. or so he thought.
He stood before the log you stepped over and grimaced upon it. His usual toothy grin contorted into a snarl as he lifted his leg, unleashing a loud CRUNCH from within its lifeless bark, and making your head snap around as he vanished from existence.
Well, that made you look back.
You decided to keep going, knowing fully well that going back was one of the stupidest decisions in existence to make. While your weakness was debilitating enough to cross out the option of running, it didn’t stop you from picking up the speed of your walking pace. It was only a few more feet till you were forced to stop, as the bars in front of you were too narrow to squeeze through. You thought about going around, as the gate did end, but looking over and seeing the spikes made you realize that it was just as pointless.
You analyzed the door and noticed that it lacked the typical lock and chain you’d often see on media. In fact, it didn’t even have a lock from the looks of it, which only confused you more as you know what prison doors looked like. Nevertheless, you saw this as an advantage and decided to try and open it. Your first instinct was to go one way, but it didn’t budge, so you tried the opposite direction, in which it still didn’t move. You then tried to see if maybe it would slide, as some doors can do just that. Even this proved to be completely useless.
“Fuck my life.” you muttered.
A deep chuckle sent your heart racing again. You had no choice but to turn around and see the bony monster laughing at your frustrations.
“It’s a decoy, human.” he croaked.
Despite your heart racing, your face expressed more of an annoyance at the statement than fear of the monster in front of you. Of course it was a decoy. A cruel joke had to happen at some point.
His shark-toothed grin widened at your expression. He even started to shake, a shake usually shown by someone who tries to hold in their laughter. You wanted to smile in response to him laughing, but you were torn between it and the possibility of whatever may happen to you now that you’re interacting with him.
He held his hand out, “Oh, where are my manners. I’m Sans, by the way.”
You stared at the hand for a moment, but deciding to not be rude as you were weak, you decided to go ahead and shake it. You yelped as a shock of electricity struck through your body, making whatever hair you had stand on edge. By this point, Sans was audibly laughing.
“The good ol’ joy buzzer!” he exclaimed, “Shit never gets old!”
Yeah… never gets old. Not the best timing right now.
You sighed as you tried to calm your nerves. The skeleton himself was soon calmer than you’d wish to be and stared at your shaken frame.
“Calm down. I’m not gonna hurt you. I’m not really into that sort of thing anyway.” he smiled.
You furrowed your brows, but believe it or not, you knew about the existence of other universes, so you knew this version of Sans wasn’t supposed to be a threat till much later. With this info in mind, you felt your nerves ease down.
“My brother, however,”
Oh god, that’s right.
“he’s a bit of a human fanatic. Hell, I’d say maniac.” he chuckled fakely.
Sans was nothing compared to Papyrus.
You turned your head towards the skeleton with a concerned expression on your face. He saw it and immediately put his hands up.
“Hey, hey. There’s nothing to be concerned about. Just because he’s a human maniac doesn’t mean he’s that scary.” he stated as he raised a hand to rub the back of his neck, “He just… doesn’t know his boundaries sometimes. He doesn’t really show his excitement, so people tend to see him as a ‘crêpe.’”
You showed a small expression of annoyance at the pun, as it wasn’t the best time to do so right now, but you decided to ignore the pun and focus on what he said. You were confused. You knew this Sans, so you would know about this universe’s respectful Papyrus. Papyrus was always depicted as loud and gruff, but was actually quite friendly once you got to know him. Some other people depicted him as very unmerciful and murderous, so to hear Sans say that he “doesn’t know his boundaries” triggered mixed signals in your head. Your red flags wanted to go off, but knowing how most depictions are, you wanted to see for yourself how he truly was.
Sans looked at the gate, and then back at you.
“Hang on, kid. I’ll help you get ‘pasta’ this.” he chuckled as he snapped his fingers.
In a flash, you both disappeared and reappeared on the other side. You shivered as you felt the static run through your body. The broad skeleton only chuckled at your expression.
“You’ll get used to it, kid.” he stated, “It’s nothing to be too ‘shocked’ over.”
These puns made you wanna punch him and laugh at them at the same time.
Regardless, Sans’s smile was soon gone, “You might wanna hide behind my station, kid. Usually when I’m gone this long, he goes to look for me.”
He had a point. The brothers, in most universes, were pretty close, so it would make sense that Papyrus would arrive soon if he went out to look for his brother. You quickly walked over and crouched down into the open cupboard. It wasn’t long till you heard the crunching of another monster, which was guaranteed to be him.
Sans acted like he was still looking for anything out of the ordinary as he turned to face his brother, “Hey, boss.”
“Sans, for the last time. You do not have to call me that.” the taller skeleton sighed in vexation.
The shorter skeleton gave his usual grin, “Sorry, bro.”
Your ears raised at the rich tone in his voice. Most people depict him with a voice similar to the classic Papyrus, only making it deeper and far rougher as to fit his intimidating appearance. You weren’t expecting something to be the equivalent of what chocolate ganache would sound like. It sent chills down your spine already, which began to strike your temptations to peak around from inside the cupboard.
Papyrus analyzed his surroundings before looking back at his brother, “Have you found anything anomalous?”
Sans shook his head, “Nah, bro. Have you?”
The taller skeleton sighed in disappointment, “Unfortunately no. I even contacted Dogamy and Dogaressa for any possible findings, but they reported to me with nothing. I truly believed that this would be the day to capture another human.”
Sans’s expression turned into one of empathy, “Sorry, bro. Maybe next time.”
“You can only say that so many times, Sans.” Papyrus mumbled.
He shrugged, “Maybe, but it’s gotta happen eventually, right? Six have fallen already.”
As the two began discussing the subject at hand, you finally decided to take the risk. You slowly began to shift and turn to peak around the corner. You got as low as you possibly could, knowing how tall some monsters can be. As Sans kept Papyrus occupied, you managed to peak one eye around the corner.
Seeing the sight of him sent more chills down your spine. His voice suited him, but you may have underestimated how well it did suit him. He was tall for one, easily over eight feet. However, your eyes kept drifting from one area to another upon his appearance. Aside from the height, he was hefty for a skeleton. You guessed “big boned” wasn’t just something the shorter skeletons went by, as it was clear that the “bones” that made up his arms were defined in a similar manner to muscles. Your eyes then drifted to his armor, especially those massive shoulder pads. They heaped over the bulky pauldrons and swooped upwards in a proud fashion. They were outlined in gold, which shimmered in what light was being produced from above. They were even accompanied by several more, which weren’t as detailed, giving the pads a sense of dominance.
Your eyes then drifted to his gauntlets, which were a deep, blood red. They were spiked, but in a manner that looked more like they were there for the purpose of being tools rather than just for looks. For what purpose? You didn’t really know the answer to that. You went further down and saw his claws, which, considering the distance between you and him, were impressive. If those are his actual claws, you wondered how he did anything with them.
You went down the torso and saw the many scars on his spine, which made you question why he wasn’t wearing anything for his midriff. Hell, the same could be said for his arms, as they didn’t have much protection either. From the front and back, maybe, but not from the sides. It didn’t stop you from noticing the skull on his belt, though. It seemed to show similar expressions with Papyrus himself, and it only led you to guess it was just some magic thing monsters had.
His pants appeared to be a type of latex, as it shined within the light. In spite of that, your eyes couldn’t stop staring at the boots. They were the same blood red like his gloves, but the top edges of them had a gold-on-black diamond pattern. They were outlined in gold just like the rest of his armor. Knee high and high heeled, he stood proudly in them. You would be able to see more of his appearance, but the scarf he wore hung all the way down past his butt.
You tried to stick out more as he wasn’t looking, but son of a gun if he hadn’t have moved like he did. Your head shot back behind the station, heart racing again. You hoped he hadn’t seen you, but your temptations were going wild again. You didn’t get to see his face. You got to see everything else except his face.
You decided to try the same tactic. By this point, he should’ve been busy with his brother. Yes, this was a dangerous environment, but if he was anything like the other depictions, he would be used to doing it so often. This meant that there was a chance of him not seeing you, as he’s so used to seeing everything in a certain order. You ducked your head down low again and peaked around the corner, silently gasping from what you saw.
You gravely underestimated how fitting his voice was. He was far more artistic compared to other portrayals, especially since he wore thick eyeliner. Said eyeliner looked like the original “cat eye” eyeliner used by Egyptians, which brought you home a sense of connection with the rest of his outfit. Seeing the eyeshadow made you realize that, unlike the others, this Papyrus actually wore makeup. His eyeshadow was a deep red, and it glittered in the light. From above, he sported definite eyebrows. They had to be drawn on, cause they were just too sharp to be natural. You then noticed his mouth as it moved. You knew skeletons had teeth on display, but it appeared that it wasn’t exactly the same kind of case with this monster. The “teeth” that were visible moved more like lips, and in some angles, you could’ve sworn you saw a “second” pair of teeth from behind.
As your eyes went back up, you froze. You were now caught by his eyes. They were black, but irises and pupils showed themselves from within the darkness. They glowed despite there already being light, but it was all beginning to be too much for your senses. They may have intimidated others, but you saw eyes full of passion and libido, and it was starting to make you weak.
You couldn’t help it.
He was fucking sexy.
You physically pulled yourself back as he moved to leave. Your heart was now racing, but it was no longer racing out of fear, but out of yearning. You heard the sounds of crunching from Sans, and you turned to see him towering over you.
“You’re safe now, kid.” he rasped, “He should be gone for a good while.. Why are you blushing?”
Oh fuck.
He soon made the connection in his head, “Kid, what the fuck?! How long have you been staring at him?!”
You nervously shrugged.
He only facepalmed, “Great. All that work for nothing.”
You apologized in your typical manner, but it was only responded with a sigh of disappointment.
“I hope you realize that just because he doesn’t seem to notice you doesn’t mean he actually hasn’t.” he grumbled.
You lowered your head in guilt. He distracted his brother for a reason, and you blew it. You wanted to mention to him why, but Sans already knew.
“I don’t think some of you humans have preferences when it comes to what’s attractive to you, don’tcha?” he asked.
You rocked your head from one side to another before shrugging. Some people did, but others were into weird shit. You weren’t exactly sure if being into a skeleton was the start of being on the freakier side of things.
Sans seemed to understand what was said, “I see. Guess you’re just someone who doesn’t want to be ‘bonely.’”
A chuckle managed to escape your throat. You were starting to feel more comfortable with him around, especially seeing how he distracted his brother just for you. Even though he might turn on you later, a small victory is still a victory.
“The underground’s dangerous, kiddo,” he explained, “but as long as you managed to stay away from my brother and the dogs, you should be fine.”
You nodded as you got up from being in such a small space. You stretched and thanked Sans as you went about on your way. You knew how dangerous the underground was, so it was only a matter of time till you suffer your first murder here. Sans only watched as you went on your way.
“God, I hope Paps doesn’t find them.” he muttered. __________________________________________________
Oh hey, I managed to write another X Reader. This time it’s with a skeleton.
Word count: 2,791.
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buggiesbuzzing · 4 years ago
Text
AMARANTH [ c. cullen ]
TITLE :: Amaranth
CHAPTER ZERO :: The Beginning of the End
PAIRING :: Carlisle Cullen x reader, various x reader
GENRE :: Drama
SUMMARY :: Once leading a life of what she seen as relative normality, a sudden change sends poor y/n into a disastrous spiral.
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Y/n had a normal life, as normal as she could possibly have, and she was happy with the mediocrity. She was rather successful; she was getting married soon, she was working as the personal assistant to a regional manager for some big corporate business and made good money — hell, she even made an effort to reconnect with her parents, before they passed away, that is — she even planned on going to college after getting married so she could pursue a career as a pediatrician. But, of course, life hardly ever goes as planned.
Her life came crashing down towards the beginning of January, during her bachelorette party with a few of her close friends. At first, she hated the idea of having a bachelorette party, but after endless pestering, her friends convinced her to go to a club with them. However, Y/n happened to more introverted and somehow came up with an excuse to hang out in the empty alley behind the club for a breather, and sneaking a secret smoke. She lit the tobacco and inhaled the chemicals, her lungs stinging since she'd abstained from cigarettes for a while. She knew they were toxic to her health, but in overly stressful situations, she would break out the ol' cancer sticks for a bit of relief.
The cool night breeze sent shivers down her spine. She was not wearing the most comfortable winter outfit. Quite frankly, she was freezing her tits off at the chill. The outfit she was in was a pretty small dress with a pair of black boots, revealing a lot of skin, which was borrowed from one of her friends’ closet.
Her cigarette had almost completely burned out when she heard some gravel being kicked around while feet quietly shuffled around on the ground. She became slightly paranoid at the thought of someone being in close proximity to her. She dropped the cigarette butt and stomped out the faltering flame, picking it back up once it was out and tossing it in an outdoor trash bin. When she turned back to see if an animal was causing the little noises, but she was met with a man who had stunningly pale skin and blond hair held up in a ponytail. She was terrified, and her eyes scanned him, looking for any sign of familiarity. Alas, she found none. He was wearing a pair of jeans, but no shirt, which she found strange, especially because it was January and there were flurries of snow falling to the ground.
Y/n had no idea what was going on, but couldn't help the small, scared whimper that she let out when he clamped his cold hand around her mouth with fast, bruising force, ensuring that she couldn't scream out for help. Tears streamed down her cheeks as he sunk his rather sharp teeth into her clavicle. She was terrified, she could only see a glint of red in his eye, before a rush of intense pain coursed through her veins. The blond pulled away from her neck, a bit of red liquid dripping from the corner of his mouth. She choked out a sob and fell to the ground once his hand left her jaw, bare knees hitting the rough, loose gravel.
The doors of the club opened, to reveal a couple of Y/n's girlfriends, worriedly chattering; the stranger darted off, not wanting to be caught. She struggled to stay conscious, her vision becoming worse by the second, black dots spotting her surroundings. She squeaked out a small "help" before collapsing on the ground entirely, the ache still running through her body.
The girls panicked, seeing their dear friend fall unconscious in their peripherals, turning and running toward her. At first, they thought she was a goner, but one of them thought to pull out a small mirror from their purse and stuck it below her nose. Although it was minor, her breathing caused a slight fog on the mirror, letting them know she wasn't dead yet. They let out sighs of relief and did their best to pick up their friend, but the heels they chose to wear were no help to them. Instead of attempting to lug her out and flag down a cab, they focused on trying to find out exactly what happened and who they had to kill for causing this.
One of the girls, Stephanie, looked her up and down, seeing if she had any injuries, and came across a large, bleeding wound on her neck that looked like a bite if you squinted. Stephanie pointed out the spot to the other girl, Lisa, while she fished a makeup wipe out of her purse. She used a wipe to clean up the injury, but Y/n hissed in pain as the wipe made contact with an open part of the wound.
Y/n's eyes opened, and she took a moment to regain herself, pressing her back against the wall of the building. "I. . . I'm gonna go home." She grumbled, bending down to pick up her clutch.
"Are you kidding, Y/n? You need to go to the hospital! That thing on your neck is disgusting!" Stephanie was shocked, she was clearly concerned about the wound, but Y/n didn't seem to care as much.
Lisa chimed in, "It could get infected if you don't get it treated, Y/n, you should have it checked out."
The corner of Y/n's mouth twitched upwards, a weak smile appearing. "Steph, Lis, I can take care of this, it's nothing," It was definitely not nothing. She could feel an ache all throughout her veins and her head felt like it was about to explode. Y/n didn't want them to worry, she knew them all too well and she knew that if the weirdo who bit her gave her some disease they wouldn't stop blaming themselves. "I'll go home, get some bandages and antibiotic ointment, then I'll be good as new. Don't worry."
The girls, very reluctantly, let her go — trusting her instead of arguing with their stubborn friend. "Do you want me to come with? I can help, it's kind of an awkward spot to be fixing up on your own." Stephanie offered.
Y/n shook her head and politely murmured, "No thanks, Steph." They respected her wishes and headed back inside while she caught a cab driving by.
It took only about fifteen minutes for the cab to get her home, opposed to the usual twenty — the driver had seen the dried blood that had stained her skin and decided that it would be best to get there as fast as he could. She thanked the man and paid her fare, plus a hefty tip, before stumbling into her home. It was around midnight when she decided to stop waiting on her fiancé, Tyler, to get home since he was working late, yet again. She dressed her wound in bandages and took some pain killers along with a shot of whiskey to dull the ache, then retired to bed.
The next morning, she felt nothing but the raging pain of her blood coursing through her veins like poison. She swallowed it down with a few shots of hard liquor and her daily medicine. The entire day she was on edge, always looking over her shoulder. She took the day off from work, but her husband hadn't; something about extra paperwork to file before dinner. His parents were coming over to celebrate their engagement over dinner, and although Y/n wasn't feeling good, she wasn't going to up and cancel.
Instead of making a meal, Y/n called a nearby Japanese catering company, ordering a few plates of assorted sushi rolls to be delivered by four o'clock. She didn't worry over the cost, but rather plopped down on the couch, trying to rest before she'd have to deal with her to-be in-laws.
She must've lost track of time because before she knew it, there was a knock at the door, and she was mindlessly getting up to open it. There stood an awkward-looking teen with a few insulated cases in hand. "Ms. L/n?" In response, she nodded and he gestured to a receipt sitting on top of the boxes. "Sign on the dotted line," The delivery boy pulled a blue pen out of his pocket and handed it to her, which she took with hesitation. She signed for the food and took the boxes. "Have a nice day!" He spoke quickly as she shut the door.
"Why can I still smell him? He smells like Frito's dipped in guac," Y/n grimaced, however, the stench made her hungry. "Whatever, I can dig in once they're here." She sighed.
Only moments passed before the door opened, revealing her soon-to-be husband, Tyler, and his parents. Tyler took it upon himself to set the table and help his parents settle in for their stay. Y/n stood in the bathroom, observing her neck and shoulder — whatever used to be there was now but a faint ring mark. Unfortunately, that didn't mean her pain stopped. Thankfully, she had a higher tolerance than most, and a bit of liquor helped.
They were part-way through dinner, and Y/n was picking at her second California roll. She could just barely stand the scents her nose was taking in — and the sushi wasn't the cause. She could separate the smells too; one of them smelt like rotting pears, another was a variation of sour wine, and the final one was by far the one that made her hunger plunge deeper — it was floral, and yet bitter. The sushi was no longer of any interest to Y/n; those smells, though, they were mouthwatering.
"Oh, dear, Y/n," Tyler's mother, Jill, started. "I just don't understand why you couldn't have made the food yourself; then again, you've always been quite a lazy lady." The last part was more of a reminder to herself but still, hurt Y/n nonetheless.
Y/n smiled, but everyone could tell it was fake, and there was nothing but pure rage behind it. "Oh, Jillian, you always critique my cooking skills anyways, so I thought why not save you the trouble and just get food elsewhere." Bitterness seeped from every word she spoke as she glared daggers at Tyler's monster of a mum.
"How thoughtful." The father, Wayne, added, shoving a spicy tuna roll down his gullet.
Jill obviously wasn't happy with the retort and turned to her beloved son. "I can't see why you didn't try to get with that Jessy girl at your office, she was an absolute sweetie; but I guess you like the sour bunch."
Wayne chuckled. "Yeah, if I were in your situation, I'd take the bait," He paused, taking a bite of another sushi roll before speaking up again. "Put in some extra hours, if you know what I mean." He spat, a piece of rice shooting out on his mouth and onto Y/n's nearby plate. Tyler let out a nervous laugh, looking towards his fianceé.
As she got angrier, the smells got more intense and the sound of rhythmic beating and rushing liquid filled her ears. She snapped her eyes shut so she could try to focus, but she just couldn't. Tyler attempted to bring her out of her pained expression with aggressive shoulder tapping, he was met with a push with massive force behind it. Said push sent him hurtling backward into a wall, causing his body to leave a hole in its place before he fell to the ground. Wayne stood up in shock, confused at what had just happened, and something had completely taken Y/n over.
No longer could she ignore her hunger, or the pent up fury within her. She leapt at Wayne, smacking his head against the wall harshly, before looking at Jill, who was going through her purse desperately looking for her Blackberry.
"No phones at the table, Jill." Y/n hissed before, kicking the leg of her chair, snapping the wooden block off, and making Jill fall to the floor.
To Jill, all hope was lost. Within seconds, Y/n fell to the floor and grabbed Jill's arm, biting it. The latter cried out, but Y/n quickly grabbed as much sushi as she could handle and shoved it into her mouth, muffling the screams.
Sharp and strong teeth replaced Y/n's former ones and she mercilessly sucked the blood from Jill's arm. Y/n's eyes had gone dark, and that was all Jill saw before she'd lost a large amount of blood and lost consciousness.
Y/n physically had to rip herself away from her would-be mother-in-law to prevent herself from draining the body completely. Once she had seen what was done, tears streamed down her face. Panic set in, and Y/n stood up and looked around at the mess she made.
Something felt off. Her hands wandered to her mouth, poking at her mouth to realize that her teeth felt much stronger than before and there was a thick layer of blood on her bottom lip. "Holy shit. . ." She gasped, scared of what idea came to mind. "Am I a fucking vampire?"
It sounded even more ridiculous out loud.
Her mind circled back to the blood dribbling down her chin and onto her blouse. What a shame. It was one of her favorites. How was she ever going to rid herself of this mess? This was her house, people in the neighborhood knew her, she would obviously be suspect number one and she had zero idea how to drop off the face of the earth.
Y/n's eyes shifted around the room, looking for some sort of sudden solution to her problems. Sushi, blood, candles, broken wood. . . Candles. . . Fire. She could burn the evidence. Her mind wandered back to the gas canister for her lawnmower; Tyler always kept it full so it would be there when he needed it. She rushed out to the garage, surprised at her speed, and retrieved the red can.
She poured gasoline on the floor, making sure the bodies were doused in the extremely flammable liquid. Let's be honest, if the bodies burnt enough, the police of this town probably wouldn't care enough to look too far into it — they'd most likely mark her off as deceased as well.
She had changed into a pair of thick spandex, a pair of comfortable sneakers, and a hoodie two sizes too large; and at the ripe, late time of '1:27 AM', Y/n snatched one of her lighters and her pack of cigarettes and went outside. She lit a cigarette and took a couple of moments to reminisce. She adored her house, but it could no longer be her home. She wouldn't be safe there, and she couldn't come back. She needed to be far, far away. She couldn't spend a second more there, so she took one last hit and flicked her lit cigarette through the door of the house and took off as flames spread through the house.
Hour, upon hour — they simply passed like minutes. It felt exhilarating to not be tired. She ran all night and the sun was starting to peek over the horizon, soft rays of light filtered through the crowds of trees. She was in a forest of some kind, and she had absolutely no idea where she was. After a couple of minutes of nothing but trees for miles, she stopped.
Somehow she felt absolutely no exhaustion from the obscene amount of physical work she'd just went through. She must've been at least a couple of states away, she should be safe.
tags :: @whattheheckisevengoingon​
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tragedy-for-sale · 4 years ago
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Bad Idea! pt. 1
No I'm not sorry for anything you're about to read. A little warning for ya'll, it's kinda inappropriate, and the amount of sex jokes made throughout this is concerning but hilarious.
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Captain Rex had been up for several hours before sunrise, pushing himself to fatigue by working out all those hours. His clothing was significantly lighter than what he was used to, so this felt better. He could move more, 'Cody's onto something with the whole no fancy armor' he thought as he stopped running, he kept moving as he caught his breath. Perhaps he'd pushed himself a little too hard, for his legs felt incredibly sore.
It was in those moments that the Captain zoned out, for next thing he knew, he was falling to the ground after running into someone. "Shi- sorry!" Rex prompt apologized, jumping to his sore feet then offering out his hand to the man he'd run into. The man took his hand and once he was on his feet, he lingered in silence for a second, making Rex wonder if he'd sent the man in shock, "Are you okay?"
The man's eyes went slightly wide before shaking his head, realizing he'd yet to say a word "Oh, sorry, I just didn't expect to run into an angel today." Rex tensed slightly as the man held out his own hand to shake, "I'm Percival, and you are?" He asked, pulling down his mask to reveal a soft smile.
Rex took Percival's hand and shook it, "Rex, Captain." He muttered as he pushed his flattered shock out of his mind. For a moment time seemed to slow as Rex looked into his eyes, Percival had said something but Rex hadn't heard. Next thing he knew, their hands were being torn apart as Rex's eyes stayed fixed on him. Then he was alone. "Oh stars-"
The entire day seemed so different, the Captain's eyes somehow always found their way to the stranger that was Percival, and it was clear the man's eyes had also naturally found their way to gaze upon him. Rex had to focus though, he was here on a mission, that was all. But fate clearly had different plans. For the entire day, Rex kept conveniently running into Percival, and everytime they met the man flirted, shamelessly, did he flirt. Rex bitterly rejected the man's flirtatious tongue, though not because he wasn't into him, but because he was. So much that he acted cold so he didn't end up slipping and falling to his knees for Percival.
"But would that be the worst thing?" Saw asked Percival, they'd been chatting away about meaningless things, "I mean, I love the carnival," he continued, "I go every chance I get." Percival rolled his eyes, shoving Saw's shoulder in a joking manner. "Just saying, you should take him, there's lots of rides to go on."
"You're no help, honestly." He shook his head as he caught sight of the Captain he'd been spending the better half of the day flirting with. "He knows that I'm flirting with him, right? He has to, I'm not being shy" Percival whined, looking down to the blaster in his hand.
"Oh yeah, he has to," Saw agreed as his eyes followed the Captain. "Hey, I have an idea," turning to face his friend, "Ask him to show you how to use that giant scary thing they brought, you already use such a big gun." Saw smiled as he nudged Percival so the two could walk towards Rex. "You can also play dumb so he'll talk more."
Percival chuckled as he pulled down his mask, "Doesn't that thing go on my gun though and requires like fire?" He asked, turning to Saw who simply shrugged. Neither of the two actually knew what it was, Skywalker had explained it but they'd been mesmerized by the fire. "Hey Captain! Saw and I were talkin' was wondering if you could sure us the foreteller?"
Looking up from his datapad, Rex nodded, "Sure thing." He said as he lead the two of them to a place where they could sit before grabbing a big heavy case. "Now, it's a particularly hard tool because timing is key, so is the cooperation of the match-" Rex explained as he opened the case and pulled a heavy attachment to a blaster. "But it doesn't make your blaster harder to operate, just heavy." He explained before sitting down and gesturing towards Percival's blaster, who handed it over.
Percival watched Rex attach the thing, he should have been watching his hands, but he was much too distracted by his eyes. "Alright, here you are," handing the blaster over, Rex spoke, "You got your blaster, and now here's a match and its box." Percival let his blaster rest as he took the match. Rex nodded softly as he watched to make sure Percival wasn't gonna blow them up by accident.
But nothing raised a flag, he seemed entirely aware of what he had to do, as if he knew what to do. All the same, Rex was going to watch him, "After, cause we don't want it going off, you're gonna blow it" Rex ordered, watching the flame dance wildly. Percival strikes the match and held it to the Foreteller waiting for it to catch fire before he blew it out.
But before he did, a sly smile appeared on Percival's, knowing he'd very well might get attacked by the man , not that he'd mind. So Percival spoke, "Only if you do me next." He then blew out the flame and took a deep satisfaction in watching Rex's face freeze and instantly redden.
Saw was staring at the two of them before he bursted into laughter, slapping Percival's shoulder, he blurted, "Percival! Don't embarrass the Captain!" Rex bit his cheek as he sat there, quite, well uncomfortable with this whole situation. Percival promptly took off the Foreteller, keeping his eyes on Rex. His gaze at last met Percival's, who was just waiting for him to, for his face so clearly displayed all he wanted to say and do next.
"Rex." He grinned before getting up. "Thanks for the help." He said in his usual tone before he made double checked the safety on his blaster and headed back towards the watch area of their base. Rex sat there unmoving. That man was a flirt. He was terrible, but in the best way possible. Rex was getting lost in his mind, letting it wander where it shouldn't, but oh, oh, did he enjoy those thoughts.
Saw had been laughing the entire time but Rex caught he attention, "Oh shit-" Saw stopped laughing as he looked to Rex's face, which was still obviously red, "You like him!" Saw exclaimed in a whisper. Rex scowled as his face at last fell. He glared at Saw, no, absolutely not. That would be terribly cliche. "Oh stars, this is perfect! He's into you-"
"Shut up," Rex muttered as he stood up, stumbling slightly, regretting waking up so early to train. He was beyond sore. Looking to Saw, he let out a sigh, 'Oh stars, he's gonna say something else-' he thought as Saw walked towards him and didn't speak until he was close enough so that only Rex could hear.
"Give ol' Percy an hour and you won't be able to stand at all." Saw winked, a devilish grin on his face as he patted Rex's shoulder. "Rest up, Captain!" He then called as he walked away, "Cause you won't tonight!" Rex froze again, hand twitching ever so slightly, filling with rage and embarrassment. Inappropriate. The two of them were actually older than him but both of them have proven to be so immature. Shaking his head, Rex at last took a step and headed in the opposite direction of the two of them.
He found himself in Anakin's presence. Falling to attention, he was shifting from foot to foot, everything that just happened was playing over and over in his head. "Rex?" Anakin turned to his Captain, he'd been able to sense Rex's discomfort. It wasn't that Anakin meant to be nosy in terms of the force, Rex was projecting. Terribly. The man was flustered, but also annoyed. "Something up?" Anakin asked, looking to his Captain. Letting out an exhausted sigh, Rex answered, sounding rather bitter,
"Everything's peachy, sir."
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possessionisamyth · 3 years ago
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one of the first things I often tell people is to not look for closure from people who won't give it to them, and I'm a big ol hypocrite because that shit is easier said than done. So buckle in cause this is gonna be a long one as I ramble through feelings that I'm hoping is closure
Here's the thing
I kinda keep wondering when I'm allowed to be angry or upset about things people do to me, or things people leave me with
They're my own feelings to deal with at the end of the day since I'm used to being abandoned by a lot of people, which hits differently than the kind of distance I'm used to manifested from a lack of regular communication wherein I can reconnect at a later date. that's a different demon though, not here to talk about that one while I stand on this little crate I stole from the market
tbh the first person I tried talking to about this assumed me being upset was directed at the person, and they made me feel like I was overreacting, but I was more hurt by the situation than anything, I get that people figure themselves out whenever, I'm not throwing blame, but all that build up, getting a green light, immediate silence, and then a shutdown afterwards and tbh I would've just preferred getting rejected from the get go because maybe I wouldn't still be sitting on it. which left me wondering if I'm allowed to be upset, and can I do that?
of course talking to other people about it and saying I'm allowed to be upset helped a little, but then I'm kinda reviewing all the build-up by myself, and I'm stewing, trying to find where things went awry so I can avoid them next time next time next time, always avoidance, always trying to be better for others but not better for me and that's!!! A problem!!!!!
like this is the exact type of instance I didn't want to be caught up in and I thought saying as little about myself as possible would prevent that from happening, like, if people don't know who I am maybe they'll be less willing to kinda dump everything on me whenever they're having a bad time, ya know who would want to tell all their shit to a stranger online, new friend or not? but I think my need to be helpful and my need to always have a solution to a problem opens that door for people anyway
And I think my younger fear of not wanting to be wrong just morphed into "needing to have a solution/explanation for everything" even the small slights that I don't really fester on because what I find malicious is not going to be the same as everyone else. Giving advice once is one thing, twice is another, always trying to have advice on hand busts the info dumping door wide open whether or not I've said anything about myself. In fact saying nothing about myself seems to give the implication that I have nothing going on, so there's more incentive to just tell me everything and I'm experiencing this in real time at work with a coworker who will NOT shut up
and I allow myself to be annoyed(dramatics sometimes included) but angry and upset is constantly put a stone's throw away like I don't have the right unless it's a big injustice or because someone is nice, or because I care about that person, or even because I like that person, and that's a different kind of unhealthy as with that last one I'm still figuring out how much I'm letting my boundaries bend and move to accommodate as well as wondering if I'm doing the same to their boundaries while hoping that I'm not
since this keeps fucking happening to me, of people seeing this sign over my head that reads "trauma dump" I kinda wonder if I should just take all of it as a red flag no matter the circumstances, close myself off from new people I meet, stop giving advice when they start coming to me for everything because when it more specifically comes to people I care for or people I might like, I'll often realize the playing field is uneven, that I've said as little about myself as I can get away with, that I've made myself a stranger but not, an attractive prospect of being helpful without many problems of their own
And tbh I don't have a lot of problems, usually a lot of shit happens around me all at the same time, and when it happens to my family theres that depression induced emotional distance that doesn't make it feel real until I talk about, of course at this point multiple things are happening at once so to suddenly go from 0 issues to 56.5 issues, all temporary but nonetheless weighted, literally wrecks that image I put up from never talking about myself prior. I get that I'm a lot to handle, that I'm annoying, kinda clingy, loud, in real life I've been called intimidating or hard to read, but I view myself more as a wannabe know-it-all, yet I don't think these things make me hard to like, I think hiding these things make me hard to like
I think hiding myself isn't the greatest decision, I think if people who started to get close to me knew or could see that I also get messed up that maybe they wouldn't try and tell me freaking everything only for me to misconstrue that info dumping for a certain kind of connection. I think if people questioned their ability to afford the same treatment I give them for their hurt by understanding that I need it too by previous experience of me opening up more that this would happen a lot less.
I don't know if me being a wannabe know-it-all is a stage in my twenties or a permanent personality trait, I think I'll still give advice but I hope I can get better about setting my boundaries and keeping them for what I'm willing to listen to or put out emotional labor for because I don't think I ever want to stop being compassionate to other people new or old
it seems kinda lonely otherwise
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