#because those glee storylines. i loved glee. but seeing storylines written out in words a decade later

[youremyonlyhope]

9-1-1 is a Ryan Murphy show?

That explains SO MUCH about the crazy storylines I've absorbed by osmosis over the years.

(I'm a glee fan so I can't judge, I'm just saying that everything makes a lot more sense now)

[caxsthetic]

SLEEP THE NIGHT — miya atsumu

Type: Standalone Movie (One-Shot Fiction)

Cast: Miya Atsumu

Storyline: Tonight, he want to be the best boyfriend that he could be.

Genre: Drama, Slice of Life

He never cooked.

Miya Atsumu never dared to stand in the kitchen because he knew too well what could possibly happen. His twin brother who was now the owner of the infamous onigiri chain always told him that whatever he touched somehow turned into fire.

But he didn't care, at this moment he could only focus on the opened page of his tablet where your favourite food displayed. He tried to find the high rated recipe, even though it was not the simplest one, he just wanted to cook what was best for you.

After all, a perfect woman like you only deserves the nicest thing in life.

You were so patient, always supporting him through every step that he took. Never once you complained about his busy schedule, his almost non-existent presence inside the apartment you shared, or even the way he put you second after volleyball.

Volleyball always came first, that was a fact that you knew since you dated him long ago in high school. He loved the said sport more than anything in the world. His fiery passions, his energy, his time — he gave it all to a sport that he found together with his brother when they were just a silly kid.

And then came you, always silencing all those nosy new supporters when it was time for him to serve. Then came you, helping him answer a question that his teacher threw at him because he fell asleep in class after a harsh tournament.

You, a woman who helped him get through his days as your existence was like a guiding star for him.

He would fall into pieces if you were not there, walking by his side to remind him of time. He needed time to eat, time to rest, time to let loose and hang out with his beloved friends from high school. Atsumu was sure that he would be lost without you there for him.

So just this one time, he wanted to make it right for you.

"You don't have to cook for me, Atsumu." He just hummed to give you a sign that he heard you. "Atsumu, please." But he ignored your plea and continued to read the recipe. He wanted to do something good, something that a perfect boyfriend should do.

You could only let out a sigh as you sat on the kitchen island's stool, eyeing the national setter as he carefully added some ingredients on the pan. He hissed as the oil splashed out a little, hitting his skin that made him go into panic mode.

A chuckle slipped from your lips as you saw him frantically running to the sink, letting out a sigh of relief once he could feel cold water streaming down his hand, easing the pain in an instant. He really tried, today he really tried.

You didn't have the heart to stop him since you knew that once he set his mind on something, he wouldn't care about what anyone else's said. So you just sat there, becoming a company that he wanted, just like you always became for years slipping into his life.

"Come on, Atsumu." He insisted you to stay still as he cooked for you, and you didn't want to hurt his pride by walking toward him without telling him first. "Let me help you." So you asked, hoping that he would accept your proposition.

"Nope! Let me try this on my own." He answered with the same excitement as before and went back to his task. "Just sit there, I am almost done. Promise." Then he calmed down, composing himself so he could cook with a clear mind.

He needed to do it, he couldn't let tonight turn into another day where you ended up being the one who took care of him.

Atsumu turned off the stove before preparing the pristine white plate that would be used to showcase your favourite dish. He smiled in triumph as he looked at the masterpiece. Tonight was the first time he cooked a meal like this, and he couldn't help but be proud of himself for this one achievement.

Though, the glee that he felt right now was nothing compared to the twinkle that was seen in your eyes.

Your lips tugged into a smile as he set down the meal in front of you. He didn't want to eat, no, he wanted to see you first as your hand grabbed the fork. And the second you popped the piece into your mouth, he never felt this happy to see someone he loved enjoying his hard work.

You squealed a little, humming in satisfaction as you tasted the food that the blonde made just for you. It was happiness, written all over your face as you continued to eat, and each bite only made you crave for more.

Maybe this was what Osamu felt, maybe this was the reason why his brother wanted to be in the culinary career. To make people smile, to see the joyful look from your loved one for something that you made.

Wouldn't it be lucky to have the younger twin as a lover? Running a respected business, working together with a dear friend, all bills covered, making something that others could enjoy, things that his lover would cherish at the end of the day.

Truthfully — Atsumu was a little bit jealous of his twin right now.

Because with volleyball, he couldn't do the same. Sure, you were there on almost every match that he had. Yes, there was always a smile on your face as you cheered for him. And of course, you looked so happy as you stood at the stands with pride swelling your chest.

But was that enough to give to a lover?

His winning only belonged to him, it was something that anyone else couldn't enjoy, except maybe his teammate. Unlike food that could be tasted, unlike clothes that could be worn. Volleyball just, well, volleyball. It was a sport that he loved, one that he couldn't share with a lover.

Yet you never changed, you never left him. Even though he couldn't give much, even though he was not that perfect boyfriend who could pay all the bills and buy you expensive gifts — you stayed, for such a long time, patiently there even though he was barely around.

"Atsumu?"

He jolted when his name slipped from your lips. Brown orbs immediately finding yours that filled with concern, face softened at whatever expression that was shown on his facade right now. "Why don't you eat your meal? Do you dislike it now?"

"No, no." He cleared his throat, avoiding your gaze for a moment. "I like it, I like anything that you love, (Y/n)." He wanted to bonk his head for saying such a cliche sentence, but he couldn't help it since it was exactly what he felt.

You only gave him a smile before focusing back to the meal that he made for you. And for him, seeing you like this, so adorable as you shove your favourite food in your mouth — he wished that he did something like this sooner, adding some spices to his endless routine at the court.

Adding you, to his daily routine.

"I am going to clean the dishes, okay?" You said softly as you got up from your seat. Your plate was already empty with how fast you ate the meal. "You already cooked, so let me do this one."

He didn't answer and just ate the rest of the food on his plate. With his speed, he choked a little but kept continuing anyway. He gulped down a glass of water right after his plate was clean without anything on top of it.

"No. Let me be a good boyfriend to-"

"Atsumu."

The setter immediately went silent from the intonation that you used. Stern, yet still filled with warm. He didn't dare to say anything as you grabbed his plate away, afraid that he would ruin the perfect night.

Like what he always did, like all the nights before this.

"Just go upstairs, I will join you in bed once I am done." He didn't move though, eyes fleeting to where you were right now as you walked to the sink.

"You promise?"

You dropped the plate gently, letting out a sigh before turning your face toward him. There it was, a smile that always made him feel at ease. You looked so breathtaking even if you only cladded with old pajamas and hair sticking out like you haven't combed for days.

"I promise, Atsumu."

And with that, he stood up. Knowing for sure that you were a woman of your word.

Atsumu wanted to walk up toward you, wrapping his arms around your torso as he let his face rested on your nape, sniffling your scent as much as he could. But he was afraid, he never did that before, what if you didn't get used to him for being so touchy like that?

He decided to turn his head and ascend to the second floor where the shared bedroom was located. When he thought about it, he was rarely there, sleeping on the same bed with you even though it would be years since he had you as his lover.

Most of the time he was always out, practising until late at night, bonding with his teammates, and decided to crash at his friend's apartment instead since it was too far from his place to their gymnasium. Yet you always reached for him. Making time to give him some healthy lunchboxes and snacks in between your busy hours of work.

He realised that he was such a bad boyfriend.

"Hey, 'Tsumu-"

"You are coming today, right?" He asked with excitement as he zipped his team jacket up. "We are going to play against Suna! Ha, I want to rile him up so much I wonder how he is in the court right now." He looked like a child, gleeful as he looked at his reflection on the mirror. "You gonna be there?"

You could only stare at him, spinning your brain to think about what sentence that you should let out.

"W-Well, of course." You cleared his throat, cursing at yourself for even stuttering. "You promised to take me to that restaurant you reserved after the match too, how could I waste a chance to spend time with my boyfriend?"

And as you saw his face contorted into a shocked one, you knew that you were back in the same cycle all over again. "You forget, didn't you?"

"Fuck, I am sorry." He immediately turned his face toward you, fear coated his eyes. "I forgot to make the reservation and I— shit! I even promised Suna to hang out after that." He immediately took a few steps forward, wanting to cup your cheek as he knew you didn't deserve to be treated like this — from time to time.

"It's okay, 'Tsumu." And this was always the outcome. "Volleyball world comes first, I know. It's alright." For you to be so understanding, for you to realise your place. "Just make it up for me by enjoying your game. Win this game for me, maybe?"

He was relieved that you didn't get angry, most women would kick his ass if he acted like this all the time. But never you, never his (Y/n).

"You know I always win." He chuckled softly, followed by yours as he leaned in to press his lips on your forehead. "And today is nothing different. Why would I need to win for you just today though? The other match wins were all for you too."

"So it's like a routine, then?" Your eyes fleeting to pierce into his brown orbs. "Hey, 'Tsumu, do you have any plan for me today?"

Why did he feel like that question was a trap? With how your eyes filled with hope, he wanted to say that he indeed had a plan for you. But he didn't, and he couldn't lie. Because in the end, you always see right through him. That was proven by how the hope was gone even before he could part his lips.

"I see." There was a little remorse in your tone, and he wanted to cheer you up in an instant. "That's okay, then!" Yet you were the one who cheered him up, didn't want him to worry about anything. "Come on, let's go. I don't want your teammates to be wary if you are late!"

He frowned when he remembered that day. How he dropped you to stay with his twin brother the whole match, the way your eyes glimmered as Osamu gave you a lunch box filled with your favourite filling onigiri. The hug that was shared, that lingered longer as his twin congratulated you a 'happy birthday'.

Atsumu wanted to punch himself when he realised that it was your birthday after all. The reason why you wanted to spend time with him, why you seemed more clingy that day, of course. And yet, he was not the first person who gave you the greetings, even though he was the one who you saw first thing in the morning.

He always wondered about why you decided to stay with him in his free time that was almost non-existence.

How you always let everything slide, how you suck it up and just focus on his well being, how you answer everyone teasing about him being a bad boyfriend — yet you always answered with pride that whatever happened, he was a good one, and you were happy to have him as your boyfriend.

But at one point, anyone must have hit their limit. Right?

"What is clouding in that big head of yours, Atsumu?" You flicked his forehead, and it was like a reminder to him that he had you in his arms right now, laying under the warm blanket in the bedroom that you two shared. "Your upcoming—"

"You." He answered truthfully before averting his gaze from the ceiling to your face. "I was thinking about you, honestly."

There was a flicker of sadness in your eyes, and he wanted to curse at himself for saying something like that out of the blue. "I am sorry, I know that tonight was supposed to be just us enjoying the moment together and not being sappy."

He held your body even closer than before, afraid that you would be gone too soon if he let it loose. His body shifted a little so he could plant a kiss at the crown of your head, eyes fluttering close as he bathed on the scent that reminded him that he would never be alone.

No words were being said after that, just you and him in each other's embrace. Your fingers stayed in his unruly hair, caressing the blonde strands that slowly lulled him to sleep.

But he didn't want to sleep yet. He didn't want to close his eyes. He wanted to savour the moment with you, one that he rarely felt with how he always prioritised volleyball above everything else. Above you, even.

Atsumu rubbed his eyes from time to time, insisting to stay awake and gripped your hips a little tighter than before. Just one more minute, he wanted to feel your warm body cuddling against his skin for a little longer.

"Hey, (Y/n)." He called out, earning a little hum of acknowledgement slipping from your lips. "Can you call me like you used to?"

He could feel how your body went rigid for a second. Your breath hitched, halted as if the request was something that could hurt you. "I understand if you can't though. I am okay if you didn't, I just want to hear it again."

One second, two seconds, everything felt so heavy as he waited for your answer. He wanted to hear his nickname from your lips, it sounds so lovely, not irritating like how his brother called him with the same name.

"Okay, 'Tsumu."

He felt so relieved as he heard his name rolled down your tongue. Happiness, love, comfort, he found it all with the way you called his name. You always use that nickname ever since you dated him, and it felt like a lifetime ago since the last time he heard it from you.

It was just Atsumu now. No more 'Tsumu, just his full first name that still sounded so odd since he still couldn't believe his mind. No, he could believe it. With how much he neglected you, with how much he was never there in your life — he acknowledged it. He just didn't want to.

"You should sleep, 'Tsumu." Your fingers trailed down his cheek as you looked up. "You have practice tomorrow, right?"

You knew all about his schedules, all the things that he allowed to eat and things that he had to do. You printed his routine in the back of your mind, somehow up until now, you couldn't help but care for him.

"Yeah, I have practice tomorrow." He gulped down before booping your nose playfully. "But I want to stay awake a little more. If that's too much to ask?"

He mustered his puppy eyes, pouting a little and tightening his embrace around you. This was your weakness, to see him all clingy like this. And when you let out a sigh and giggle, he knew that he got you.

"God, I love you so much to resist you, you know that?" You whispered out under your breath. But then as if you knew in an instant what you had said, you cleared your throat. "Okay, I give in. Stop giving me that puppy eyes, Atsumu."

"Sorry, sorry." He smiled sheepishly before resting his head comfortably on the pillow once again, securing you in his embrace as you laid back on his chest. "One more question, (Y/n). And then I promised I would zip my mouth after that until we fell asleep."

"Alright, shoot."

He frowned a little, eyes scanning the unfamiliar ceiling. He was not supposed to feel like a guest in his own place. Yet as he saw the beige coloured ceiling with some starlight sticker, he didn't feel right. Yeah, it was the price that he had to pay for rarely here in this apartment with you.

"From scale zero to ten, how perfect of a man I am today?"

He heard a sigh, another one slipped from you. Atsumu could count how many times you had sigh because of him, and he really wished that he could make you laugh instead of giving you headaches like this. "Don't sugarcoat though, I just needed the truth."

"Ten." You answered without doubt, yet as he looked down, wanting to see your eyes, you didn't look up. "Not just today, you always had a perfect score as a man. Passionate, have a big dream, would do anything to achieve it. If not I am not going to be your girlfriend for so long."

Ah, he just realised that he used the wrong term in his question.

"Let me rephrase it, (Y/n)." He closed his eyes, thinking if he was ready to hear the truth or not. "From scale zero to ten, how perfect of a boyfriend I am today?"

You clutched the tight shirt that he wore at his question, burying your face on his chest to hide yourself. He raised one of his eyebrows in confusion, didn't know why you couldn't answer it. Maybe it was that bad, maybe he could never be a good boyfriend after all.

"Perfect." He almost couldn't hear your answer with how it muffled on his shirt. "You are so perfect today, 'Tsumu."

Though he could hear it so clearly, the answer. He wanted to hear the other statement, of how he was always a perfect boyfriend, just like how you told him he was a perfect man. But of course it was not possible, he never became a lover that you could be proud of.

All these time, you complimented him, you showed to the world his capability. His skill in volleyball, his soft side toward his brother, how loyal he was to his friends — but you never said anything about how good of a boyfriend he was.

It was just all about him, not how he treated you.

"Hold me," He pleaded, biting his lips since he didn't want his voice to waver. "Hold me tighter than usual." His voice sounded like a whisper as he held you close, and he wanted you to do the same. "Please?"

Miya Atsumu was not someone who liked to beg, he knew you always gave what he wanted anyway. "Just tonight." But he wouldn't gamble anything right now. "I just need it tonight."

He swallowed down the tears that entreating to escape from his eyes. With how your arm moved to hold him close, caging him in a circle filled with comfort, maybe this was enough to be remembered.

Maybe this was enough to be remembered forever.

"I love you, 'Tsumu."

You sat in the living room with your head hanging low, hands covering your face as you didn't have the courage to look up at where your boyfriend sat. "But I am… Tired."

This was the first time he saw you cry. No, the first one was when he won national all those years ago in high school as he screamed at you that he won for you too. But never like this, the tears you shed right now was different from back then. "I tried, I really want to stay with you, to kiss you every morning, to cuddle with you under the blanket."

He couldn't say anything, heart thundering as he knew what would happen next. He was not stupid, of course everyone had their limit, and after years went by with a stagnant pace in the relationship — of course you were going to hit it, sooner or later.

"But you are never there, 'Tsumu."

You finally looked at him, and you could feel your heart shattered even more when you saw his expression. He was dumbstruck, tongue-tied. It was as if he knew that this day would happen, but he still didn't want to believe it.

He didn't want to believe that one day you would get tired of being second in his life.

"Does that mean…" He couldn't ask, knowing the answer to his next question. But he needed to make sure. "Does that mean you want to end this?"

The sunlight that slipped in between curtains was the one who woke him up. He hissed as it reached his eyes, forcing him to wake up. But he closed his eyes once again, stirring his body a little to wrap his arms around you, wanting to feel the warm that your body radiated.

Yet he was only met with cold.

And that was the thing that woke him up in an instant.

His breath laboured as he sat on the bed, brown orbs scanning the room that he shared with you. No, you didn’t just leave, right? But he scanned the room, again and again, searching for any kind of sign that you were still there.

Then again, who was he anyway, to know the signs. He was never here, he could count how many nights that he slept here with you. Atsumu didn’t even remember there were any photographs of you and him together hanging on the wall, he didn’t even know the time you decided to put some starlight sticker on the ceiling, he didn’t know what was the difference between this morning and the others.

Though one thing that he knew for sure, you would always be there when he woke up here.

“Then, please. Give me just one day! I just need one day of your life.”

Atsumu knew that this morning would come, when emptiness met him and reality sinked in as he remembered all the flaws that he had. His feet dragged him out from the bedroom that now felt suffocating for him. He needed you, he had to see you.

“But, Atsu—”

“I will prove it to you! I promise that I’ll make things right for you.”

It was so quiet, there was no music playing on the soundbar. You used to play some upbeat songs to fill the silence as you waited for him to show up after shower. Yet as he walked down the stairs, he could only hear his own footsteps.

“And then you can leave. You can sneak out when I am asleep. You know how much of a heavy sleeper I am, right?”

But then, he was right from the start.

“Alright, Atsumu. I will give you one more night.”

You were indeed — a woman of your words.

MASTERLIST

“and it cracks” taglist @roseestuosity​ @mistypoison @samanthaa-leanne @tycrackculture @aomineavenue @tris-does-stuff @tremblinghearts @p0taytoes @too-many-lanes @ntimacy @sunflwrsandprettyskies @chibichab @tsukkiboii @oikawoahh @hoefor2ds @edvigelacivetta @playboygeniusphilanthropist @wompwomphq @himichii @shoyomeow @miyayane  @graykageyama @bakugou-akaashi

[chocoholicannanymous]

Gonna Come True (Glee)

AN: This is a follow-up to There's a Miracle Due which was written for the Glee Twistfest, “What if Mercedes & Kurt got Maria & Tony?” back in 2014 (yikes). I had the storyline for this already back then (hello, all of three lines in a document), it's just taken me until now to actually write it. 

For @krummavisur who wanted it.

Thanks to @elledelajoie for looking it over .

The title is taken from “Something Coming”, West Side Story.

Oh, and I am not trying to follow any kind of canon time-line. Just, go with it.

Gonna Come True

Kurt throws himself into preparing for West Side Story with an energy that makes Mercedes envious. She understands though – he doesn't feel like he got the role honestly, which is bullshit, but. He still thinks he needs to prove himself. In her eyes he did so during his audition, and it's everyone else who needs to prove themselves to him, but he doesn't see it that way. Years of Lima bullshit stops him from seeing it.

He doesn't drop out of the race for senior class president though, not even when he's complaining about balancing that with Tony and school and Blaine. She asks him why and gets an answer she should have expected.

“At first this was about getting at least something on my resume. But that's not it any longer. I'm running as a reminder that bullying is a problem at this school, and that something needs to be done. If I win – and I don't expect to, not here – then I have a shot at making the administration do something. If I lose I still raise awareness. Every time I speak about my agenda I force the people listening to remember that bullying is an issue, that bullying kills, and that it is not okay.

“That's worth losing a little sleep.”

Mercedes's heart swells at hearing her boo speak so passionately about it, and it breaks as she hears an angry Santana tell Brittany that she should run against Kurt.

Kurt who is currently pulling down unicorn posters around the school while pushing back tears.

She waits until Brittany walks away before cornering Santana.

“We need to talk. What you just told Brit? That's a shit thing to do.”

Santana starts to argue, all fire, and under other circumstances Mercedes would admire her willingness to go to bat for her girl, but not now.

“No. Don't you dare. Do you know why Kurt is so upset over those posters? It's because to him they represent everything that he's been bullied over. And that? Has a lot to do with you. You have been sitting in the choir room for two years, mocking him for what he likes and for who he is.

“So here we are. Him running on an anti-bullying platform, and your girlfriend plastering the school with posters reminding him of exactly that bullying. Do I really need to explain to you why it is that when Kurt looks at those posters he doesn't see Brit's intentions, her meaning – he sees your bullying.”

Mercedes sees her words are hitting home, even if Santana is putting up a good front.

“Oh, and Santana? When you mock Kurt for being gay it makes you a hypocrite. But when you mock him for being 'girly'? It's even worse. Because when you say that there's something wrong with being like a girl, you're implying that there's something wrong with being a girl. And I'm not okay with that.

“Now, you are going to go back to Brit and tell her exactly what happened here, and you're going to make sure that she forgets all about running against him. He's had enough of his so-called friends doing that, I'd think.

“I'm not saying this – any of this – to be mean. I'm trying to be a good friend, to Kurt and to you. But make no mistake. You ruin this for Kurt? I'll ruin you.”

Mercedes might not be popular like a cheerleader, but she's got friends and she's got contacts outside of school. Her threat's not an empty one, and Santana knows it.

Her phone's ringing. There's something hitting her window, and her phone's ringing. At half past eleven on a school night.

Whoever it is, Mercedes is going to cut them.

Except it's Kurt, and he's not looking right.

As she lets him in through the back-door Mercedes notices the wrinkled clothes and the mussed hair that doesn't fit with a night of dancing. More making out, but Kurt doesn't have that well-kissed look. Plus, he's pale and shaky.

Something's wrong.

It takes her a long time to coax the story out of him, about Blaine trying to rape him. Except when she says that Kurt denies it, vehemently.

“Are you serious right now? Are you defending him? No! Okay? No. Hell no even.

“Look, if I showed up at your place and told you Shane had pulled me into the backseat of a car, had tried to get my clothes off and wouldn't stop touching me even though I said no, what would you tell me? Would you tell me it was okay because we're dating? That he's allowed to do that because I'm in love with him and he treats me good the rest of the time? Would you tell me to suck it up and forgive him?

“Would you explain away that and tell me that if he won't respect my 'no' the solution is to say 'yes' instead?”

Kurt's even paler now, his eyes blown and unfocused. He doesn't say anything though. Instead he just whimpers and rushes out to the bathroom.

When he comes back he's regained some color. He still looks like shit though. Mercedes pulls out some comfortable clothes that were bought for her brother, but got conscripted as backup for unplanned Kurt-visits, and leaves him to change while she gets them some chamomile tea.

Later, as the lights are out and they're curled up together, trying to get what rest they can Kurt whispers: “I'm going to have to break up with him, aren't I?”

She holds him as he cries himself to sleep.

The next day Kurt pretends like nothing's happened. He doesn't want to rock the boat before the West Side Story premiere, he says, or deal with the bitchfit Rachel would throw. “I'll do it after the final performance on Sunday” he promises, and Mercedes doesn't have it in her to push him. Not with the memory of his tears so fresh.

Dress rehearsal that night goes well, right up to the point where Artie comes to talk to them after. They need more fire, more passion, he claims and then proceeds to tell them that they should hurry up and have sex before their first show so they can portray lovers more believably. Oh, he doesn't put it quite like that, but it's pretty obvious that's what he means.

Mercedes is stunned at first, and then furious. She's surprised that Kurt's not ripping into him, with everything, and oh. Hell no.

“Are you telling me to have sex to improve the show you're directing? Really? How about you get some classes or something, to improve your part? You know, instead of sexually harassing me.”

Artie sputters out what's probably meant as a denial, but she just talks right over him.

“If you as much as breathe about this again, to anyone, I will report you. And then my mama will go have a talk with your parents about how they've failed at raising you to be a decent human being.

“Do you get me?”

He nods quickly, mumbles something and makes a hasty retreat. Just as he goes out the door Kurt's voice rings out, cold.

“And to think I remember a boy who grieved that his first time wasn't romantic enough. I wonder what he would think of you now.”

Artie doesn't say anything, or slow down, but he slumps a little in his chair as the barb hits home. Mercedes shifts her attention to Kurt and sees pale skin, rigid posture and shaky hands. He's thinking the same thing she is.

“Boo...”

“No, 'Cedes, please. Let's not speculate about whether or not he had that speech with the others first. I can't, not now.”

So she lets it go. For now.

Mercedes is on stage for the opening show Friday night along with Kurt. Not in the spotlight, sure, but still there. She can't help but compare Rachel and Blaine's performance with what she and Kurt can do, and they come up short. Tomorrow night, she thinks. Tomorrow night we're going to show them how it's really done.

She says as much to Kurt as they leave together and he laughs, the first sign of happiness she's heard from him in two days. The laughter dies out soon as he spots a bunch of well-dressed boys waiting outside. She recognizes a few from Kurt's time at Dalton, but not all of them. She'd think it nice of them to come see their friends perform, except judging from Kurt's reaction they're not an entirely welcome sight.

He still greets them politely, smiling that small “company smile” she doesn't like while asking if they remember Mercedes.

“And this,” he says with strained, icy politeness, “is Sebastian Smythe, this year's new transfer to Dalton.”

This then is the reason they're not welcome. Still, she follows Kurt's example and pulls out church manners.

Apparently the boys have been given tickets by Blaine, the tall new boy explains, before trying to needle Kurt.

“So, Officer Krupke? How did that feel, such a...manly role?”

Ouch.

“Oh, you know, it's not about the role, it's what you put into it. And it makes for an interesting contrast to tomorrow and playing Tony. ”

Everyone quiets at that and the mood gets slightly uncomfortable. Trent is about to break the silence, but Sebastian talks right over him.

“Right. Well, we'll have to withhold judgment until after of course, but I'd say you'll have a hard time measuring up to Blaine. And you,” he turns to Mercedes, “are you also playing another role tomorrow? This one's Maria perhaps?”

She nods without explaining, and then listens as the boys stumble over excuses about not knowing exactly who'll be there tomorrow, but “We're sure you'll do great, Kurt!”

Once they're out of sight Kurt sags a little.

“He didn't tell them. He went to Dalton to tell them about the show, and give them tickets, and he didn't tell them I was in it. Didn't tell them I was also playing Tony. They tried to cover it up, but... They were my friends too, and he didn't tell them.”

She loops an arm around his waist and snuggles close.

He deserves so much better.

There's a group of Dalton boys there next evening again, making Kurt smile and Blaine startle. Some are from the evening before, including the sharp Sebastian, some are new. They all applaud enthusiastically, and wait so they can congratulate Kurt on his performance. Mercedes pays extra attention to Sebastian, for some reason, but all he says is “not bad”. It sounds genuine though, and so is Kurt's smile as he nods and thanks the other boy.

Mercedes knows they did better than “not bad”. They were awesome together. She doesn't need to hear it from this reluctant boy though. She's got a better source.

They skip the cast party. Kurt's not eager to be with Blaine, especially since there might be alcohol involved, and Mercedes prefers celebrating with her boyfriend who has been a rock. There's a small sting as Kurt walks away alone, but it slips away as she accepts Shane's flowers and kiss and walks out on his arm.

The next morning Mercedes shows up at the Hummel-Hudson house almost uncomfortably early. She drags a still sleep-tussled Kurt to the dining table and spreads out the Gazette in front of him. It's already open to the right page and she sees exactly when Kurt realizes what she's got.

“You read that, I'll fix breakfast.”

She's brought coffee from home along with juice and fresh croissants from the bakery a block away and a small carton of strawberries. It's a luxury, but it's a well-deserved one. It's the work of no time to put it all out along with cups and plates, and as she does that she hears Kurt's voice rise, reading select paragraphs out loud.

“Rachel Berry's 'Maria' is technically perfect, with the singer hitting every note. Sadly that excellence does not extend to the rest of her performance. Ms Berry fails to provide personality and emotion, and simply put she lacks the ability to bring Maria to life.”

He stops, shakes his head and looks at her.

“Ehm, ouch?”

Yes.

“Blaine Anderson as Tony does not help. Where a better singer and actor could shore up his counterpart Anderson falls flat. 'Flat' is in fact the word that comes to mind most often when seeing and listening to him performing. Anderson fails to hit the notes in several of the songs, and often resorts to what must be described as screaming instead of singing. He lacks the range needed to play Tony, and obviously also the training needed to make up for his shortcomings.

“On the acting side it's equally flat. Anderson's body language and facial expressions are mostly too subtle – or possibly non-existent – to come across from the stage, making it like watching a cardboard cut-out most of the time. On the other hand, when he does come across it's much too exaggerated, making his Tony look like a caricature. (I find myself looking at the playbill to see if this is meant to be a comedic take on this epic show. It's not.)

“Holy shit, 'Cedes!”

Yessssss.

“Finally, the dancing. Here, Anderson does better – most of the time. He clearly favors certain parts of the choreography, and there he does very well. In other parts it is obvious that Anderson lacks either the desire or the ability to perform according to choreography. This shows, as other cast members – including Ms Berry's Maria – often have to adjust their own moves to accommodate Anderson, either because he takes up too much space or because he simply isn't where he is supposed to be.

“Towards the end of the show Anderson also shows a surprising lack of stamina, and almost literally falls flat as he stumbles through some of the steps.

“The rest of the cast...”

Kurt's voice peters off, and he looks at her, stunned. Mercedes only smiles, satisfied.

“You should read on. Really.”

Kurt looks at her with skepticism, but does as she says. She knows exactly when he hits the part she wanted him to see, because he looks up at her, wide-eyed and slightly stunned.

“After this the pair playing Maria and Tony during Saturday's performance – as well as today's matinée – is a pleasant surprise. Mercedes Jones and Kurt Hummel bring our lovers to life in a way that looks more like a professional setup than a high school play. Not only are they both talented singers, but they also manage to communicate the story to the audience and play off each other in a way that lifts the entire show.

“It is noticeable, having seen both sets of performers that like Anderson Jones has some difficulty with the choreography. However the adjustments made to cater to her limitations in no way come off as a lesser version of what Berry performs, and does in fact make her look better than Anderson's attempt at a more complex choreography. Meanwhile Hummel needs no such adjustments and manages to pair vocals with dancing in a truly impressive manner.

“Hummel's vocals could take up an article of its own, and so this reporter will just note that it comes as no surprise that Hummel is pursuing schooling and later a career in performing arts. We are looking forward to seeing him on stage on many more occasions.”

Kurt drops the paper and blinks like an owl.

“Am I dreaming? Did an actual reporter not only attend a West Side Story performance at McKinley to write about it in the Gazette, but they actually went twice?”

“Yeah boo.”

“And they actually wrote that we did better than Rachel and Blaine?”

“Yeah, they did. And they were right, you know. You did so much better than Blaine that he should be embarrassed.”

Kurt blushes a little, then pulls a grimace.

“What?”

“I was just thinking... I've been wondering if breaking up with Blaine over what happened was an overreaction, because...” He meets her eye, and looks away. “Anyway, I'm reading this and instead of being happy for me – for us – I can't help but think that Blaine's going to go ballistic. And that waiting for the show to be over probably wasn't that great of an idea. He's going to expect me to listen to him whine about this.”

Mercedes isn't surprised to hear that Kurt's been considering forgiving his boyfriend. A bit disappointed, sure, but not surprised. He always was more loyal than people deserved. She is surprised that he's being that clear-sighted about Blaine though. That's good. That means he's probably going to follow through.

As if cued Kurt's phone starts buzzing and they both look at the screen. Blaine. Mercedes makes an unhappy face. Kurt... Kurt looks upset and rejects the call before turning the sound off.

“Boo?”

“I am not going to ruin my afterglow by listening to him complain about how no one appreciates him. Not when I'm already going to break up with him. Just, no.

“Instead I'm going to enjoy this lovely breakfast with my gorgeous leading lady, and then I'm going to read that article again and gloat. Oh, and then I'm going out to get myself a couple of extra copies as proof that even in Lima people can see our talent.

“I don't know how you did it, but you, my dear, pulled off a miracle.”

And she has, hasn't she? Not by making someone see and recognize Kurt's talent, though, but by making him smile, wide and open.

That's her miracle, right there.

~ The End ~

[soyforramen]

If you have time/energy, 41 for the bughead prompts pls! It’s the “overhears they have feelings for you.”

Now that i finally have the time, here’s some fluff to counter the angst!

-

             Betty paused at the door to the Blue and Gold office when she heard voices.  This late in the day, it was usually only her and Jughead still working on the college newspaper. Or, rather, while she continued working diligently on page layouts while he worked on homework on the couch.

             “It’s not that big of a deal,” Jughead said.  “Right?  So I should just say it.”

             She peeked in through the crack in the door and saw him pacing back and forth, his hands waving wildly in the air.

             “If it’s not that big of a deal, why haven’t you said it?” came a reply from Toni.  

             Strange; Toni was always the most punctual person on their team.  Her photos had been ready to print for over a week, and she rarely spent her free time in the office..  Unless Jughead had dragged her into his usual shenanigans regarding things that went bump in the night?

             “Because –“

             Jughead stopped and made a pained noise. Unsympathetic, Toni snickered, and even Betty had to cover her mouth from laughing.  As much as she enjoyed his company, even Betty had to admit it was amusing to see him get so wrapped up in himself.

             “It’s just three words,” Toni pointed out.  “And it’s not like it will kill you to say it.”

             “She might.”

             “Betty is not going to murder you –“

             “Not her, Cheryl.”

             This time, Toni burst out in peals of laughter that covered up Jughead’s response. Curious to hear her cousin’s name, Betty leaned closer to the open door.   The fiery tempered red-head was as much of a fan of Jughead’s as he was of hers, and that wasn’t saying much of anything.  

             “Cheryl is why you’re afraid to say ‘I love you‘?”

             Jughead grumbled something inaudible, and Betty glanced up and down the halls to make sure she was alone.  This close to information so pertinent to her life – Jughead was in love???? When did that happen??? Why??? - the last thing she needed was someone as boisterous as Kevin or Veronica yelling her name down the hall. Pressing herself against the door frame, Betty bit her lip and tried to calm her pounding heart.

             “The last time someone even mentioned asking Betty out –“

             Betty had to bite her tongue to keep from starting.  A pen fell from her pocket and echoed in the empty halls. There was a silence, and she waited to be found out.  

             “That was because it was Reggie Mantle doing the asking,” Toni pointed out, completely ignorant of being eavesdropped on.  She continued in a less than sure voice. “Besides, Cheryl … doesn’t dislike you.  She’d probably even be happy with you if you got Betty out of the apartment for something that wasn’t school or work.  You know, like a date?  The thing people ask about when they like someone?”

             Now too nervous to stay still, Betty rushed from the door, clutching her bag to her chest, and fled to the bathroom.  As soon as the door closed behind her, she couldn’t help but clasp her hands together in glee.  She and Jughead had danced around each other for over a year now and the closest they could get to anything called ‘dating’ had been a late-night stake out to see if the Dean of the Journalism school really was moonlighting as a click bait writer for BuzzFeed.

             She breathed deeply to calm her nerves. Try as she might, she couldn’t contain the thrill of hearing that Jughead Jones, the guy she’d been crushing on since freshman orientation, liked her.  Not just liked.  He loved her.  Betty couldn’t help but hug herself.  

             Straightening her shirt and steeling herself to be as forward as she imagined Cheryl would be, Betty stepped out of the bathroom and made her way, once more, to the Blue and Gold office. As she neared the office, Toni emerged and sent her a wink.  

             “Good luck in there, boss,” Toni said with a salute.

             Betty bit down a response and opened the door.   Jughead jumped up as if electrocuted, his face white at the sight of her.  Any other time, Betty would have rushed towards him, asking him twenty different questions to try and figure out why he looked so ill.  Now, though, it was all she could do to keep from smiling.

             “Good evening, Jughead,” she chirped.  

             He stammered a reply and she set her backpack on her desk.  

             “You know what I really love?” she asked, unable to help herself, especially when a faint blush rose to his cheeks.  “Those wontons you got last week.  Where was that from again?”

             “Klump’s Kafeteria,” Jughead said.  “Did you get my article?”

             Betty nodded, disappointed he’d jumped so quickly to business.  “I did. I really love,” she paused, sitting down on her desk and pulling her laptop out, “the way you captured the emotions in your review.  Especially whereyou talk about the mise-en-scene and how well it pulled everything together. It made the recommendation that more meaningful.”

             “Honestly?  I couldn’t stand the movie,” Jughead said.  He rolled his eyes and sat on the corner of her desk.  

             And suddenly, the spell was broken, and her regular, normal Jughead was back in front of her.  She watched his face as he complained about plot pacing and script-incongruities.  Only half paying attention, Betty wondered if he’d finally make a move.   It would be even better, though, if he’d finally notice that she’d been flirting this whole time.

             “Regardless, it was a very well written piece,” Betty said when he’d finished.  “You know what I also love?”

             Jughead raised an eyebrow at her, finally beginning to notice a trend.   “Those weird blue macaroons that taste like Peto-Bismol from Chez Bonuit?”

             She flicked her pen at him and scowled.  “You just have a warped sense of taste after eating all that grease and sugar at Pop’s.”

              “And yet who’s the one also asking me to bring them a strawberry milkshake whenever they find out I’m eating all that grease and sugar?”

             “It’s one of the little things I love you for,” Betty said, slipping it in as casually as she could. “That and the lattes you bring me after a late night editing.”

              Jughead’s eyes flew open and heat bubbled up in her cheeks.  Pressing on, Betty opened up a browser on her computer and turned it to him.

             “I also love, and I hope you will too, that R.R.J. Swift is putting out a new Play of Chairs book next month.”

             His face light up and he crowded in next to her, their faces a few inches from the screen.  “How did I miss this?  There’s no way they could get that to print so quickly.”

             “Everyone in printing was told it was a new Donna Sweet novel,” Betty said, clicking a few times until a different website came up, “so it’s been hush-hush until he broke the news an hour ago.”*

             “Finally, we can see what happens to Trienne of Barth.”

             She elbowed him lightly.  “I can’t believe you still like her after she betrayed Don Ice.”

             “I can’t help it.  I love her storyline,” he shot back, his eyes searching hers.

             Undeterred, Betty thrust out her chin.  “And I love –“

             “Yes, yes, we get it,” Toni said.  “You two are trapped in a bubble of love.”

             They both turned, blushing, to the door.  

             “Sorry to interrupt the futile flirting, but I forgot my notes,” Toni said, walking towards the couch.  She held up a notebook and shook it at them.  “Just kiss her already Jones, or I will.  And since the last time that happened I ended up going to prom with your girlfriend...”

             “She’s right, you know” Betty said when Toni left.

             Jughead cleared his throat.  “About which part?”

             “You should kiss me.”

             “I –“

             Whatever his protestations might have been, Jughead smartly decided to ignore them.  Instead, he leaned towards Betty, who happily met him more than half-way.

             A few months later, when Jughead claimed their first date was at a Play of Chairs release party, Betty couldn’t help but cover a laugh.  She loved that he was technically correct, even if it was only a party of two.

*(No, I do not know how printing works, nor do I care enough to Google this or other characters from the series.  Apologies if I’m wrong.  If I am, just pretend they’re talking about Minecraft.)

[harpersplay]

Genuine non-troll white woman here - you wrote "So I already knew that Good Girls was a white feminism phantasmagoria...But, jesus fucking christ, y'all are just showing your true colours lately. The way you talk about a MOC in relation to a white woman is disgusting." Not asking you to call out specific people or posts or start any kind of flame war but what would be a general example of what you are talking about? I follow a good chunk of people and I'm not seeing this maybe b/c I'm not following the same people, maybe out of willful blindness, maybe I'm not recognizing it - again, b/c of ignorance, etc. Just trying to understand what you mean - and not do it obviously, if I am doing it.

I apologise for taking a longish time to answer this. Honestly, I wasn't sure I wanted to get into it. Anyway, I'd first like to say that this is all my opinion. What bothers me might not bother someone else. BIPOC are not a monolith. Even subsections aren't. Not all Mexican trans men are a monolith. Neither are all Japanese lesbians. You get the idea. And that's not even including people like Ben Carson or Caitlyn Jenner—people who support and work for policies that actively harm the marginalised group of which they are a part. Secondly, I know this isn't your intention, but asking POC to tell you what is ok to do and what is not is a slippery slope to "my [blank] friend said this was ok." Finally, the fandom is quite small so it is pretty hard to give general examples. I don't know if it's more trouble to quote specific posts or not, because some will think it is about them anyway. Anything I'm going to mention I've seen on Tumblr, Instagram, Reddit and/or Twitter. But there are definitely popular Tumblr blogs that all push the same narrative. Oh, and one last thing, I haven't seen any of what I'm referring to from people I follow.

Ok, let's go. For a very long time, mainly WOC have pointed out the racial problems within the show and the extremely dismissive attitude about those problems from mainly white women. And while these same women have written thousands (even tens of thousands) or words about Beth (it's always Beth) and her struggles and the amazingness of such a complex female character (ymmv), they brush aside commentary about racism as either nitpicking, not understanding the show is about the 3 women (tell that to all the white men with fleshed-out storylines), or misogyny. The last is especially hostile because they are often talking over Black women and misogynoir is a very real fucking thing that couples the fun of being hated for being a woman with the delight of good old-fashioned racism. They espouse the idea that people having a problem with Beth are all covert & overt misogynists. But talk out the other side of their mouths that they can't possibly be racist even when they support racism in the show or ignore concerns brought up by fans of colour. And that is just the absolute height of hypocrisy. Because by the former they acknowledge that people in a marginalised group (women) can still be anti- that group (a phenomenon with which I agree). But in the latter, suddenly they don't understand that concept.

Specific to the post you are responding to, fans that purport to like Brio write about the relationship in ways that reveal how much of their enjoyment comes from Rio being inferior to Beth. It's all about what he can do for her, how he acts against his best interests for her, how he literally denies himself sexual pleasure for her. Those are all meant to show how in love he is with her. But the show never bothers to tell us why. And, no, this is not because the show is so deep. Other romantic relationships they have scenes that are explicit about the characters' feelings. But Rio, after being shot, after being betrayed, after being mocked, is just so in love with Beth....because. (MYSTERIOUS!) And the Beth stans are more than fine with this because they think everyone should be as obsessed with Beth as they are. But it's bad storytelling. And, in this particular case, it gets into very dicey racist tropes. A white women treating her Latino lover like an afterthought is not the same as a white women treating her white lover like an afterthought. It just isn't. And if some of these fans are as smart as they pretend to be, they know that. They just don't care. Much like the showrunners.

There was so much talk defending the drawn-out Boland marriage because why can't we understand how hard it is for Beth—who is, at various times, claimed to be emotionally abused by Dean or staying with him because it is safe and comfortable—and we don't appreciate how difficult it is for her (I may be one of the few divorced people talking about this show on Tumblr, so this has always made me laugh). Yet there was nothing but glee when Rio flipped on his brousin (who was written as both abusive and safe) for Beth. Where was the empathy for Rio and how hard it was for him? Especially because, unlike Beth, he didn't even have one parent? Hadn't the Beth stans used her very tragical history™️ to explain away her every shitty act? idk, not having any parents and going to jail (as a minor?) and being betrayed by your family seems pretty tragic. But I didn't see them all of a sudden excusing Rio's bad behaviour. Because, feminism or something?

What about Beth's feelings? Last season she spent trying to have him killed. This season she spent looking annoyed by him. Throughout both she talked down to him in a specific white woman way that every BIPOC has experienced, even if some of them are cool with it. There were multiple opportunites for Beth to talk about her feelings with Ruby and/or Annie, but the writers made the deliberate choice to always make it about sex (and god, the immature way they had these three grown women talk was fucking obnoxious). She spent the last 2 seasons also wanting him out of her life to the point that a majority of her actions in S4 were motivated by getting to Nevada with her husband and kids. Beth doesn't care about Rio but Rio needs to put Beth above everything because he's just so in love like he's never been before (which is blatant Marcus & Rhea erasure). And anyone who doesn't think Beth would have just as happily been sitting on that bench plotting how to "run the city" (hahahahaha!) with Nick if the situation worked out differently hasn't been paying attention.

So, what do we have? A white woman who is constantly excused (by the loudest portion of the fandom) for all her ill treatment to her Black BFF & her Black husband, her Asian coworker, her Latina "friend," and Rio (among others) because her life is hard and who is not required to even be nice to her supposed "endgame". And a MOC who is expected to accept being treated poorly by the white woman because he loves her.

And, a last thing, this attitude grossly crossed over into talk about real people when the fans—who self-righteously claimed to be above anon sources or talking about the actors—latched on to the narrative and enjoyed blaming the MOC actor for the cancellation of the show, even dragging his insignificant (in terms of influence) Black wife into it. All while conveniently ignoring that the creator/showrunner is a white woman. The star & producer is a white woman. The people making the decisions at NBCU & Netflix were white women. All white women with so much more power than the Latino actor.

Shit, did I answer your question? I know this is a lot. But I could honestly make mulitple posts on each issue I touched on here. Basically, white people ain't slick, be they content creators or fans. We see how & what y'all talk about. We see that Rio not having a last name is not a big deal to you and we know why that is. So we're fucking tired. And we're over a show that had so much potential crapping all over their POC characters to prop up a white woman. And we're repulsed by the white women in the fandom who use their tears to seem oppressed and who toss around the word misogynist because POC dare call a Karen a Karen.

[tuiyla]

hey, it’s the kitty anon from last night, just replying to ur post because ur brain is HUGE and im so pumped to talk to somebody about this and we are literally engaged now

��Quinn indulges in the illusion and Santana’s appalled by the reality.” YES!!!!! you found the words!!!!! this isnt just a summary of their reaction to kitty either, like, this sentence gets at the root of their conflicts as characters in such a succinct way. santana’s arc is about her confronting a reality that she can’t stand to face, quinn’s arc is about her desperately clinging to the facade of the “perfect, all-american golden girl” for as long as she can (and it failing time and time again) and just!!!! ugh that was such a great way to describe it.

the thing that bugs me is that we get a lot of conflict in quinn’s arc (which can be great, don’t get me wrong), but we never really see any resolution imo, or at least not any that’s well-written. if we had gotten to see more of quinn mentoring kitty we might have actually gotten to see quinn arc reach a proper conclusion. maybe mentoring somebody and being a guide for a “younger her” would have helped her see that she was still worthy of love and care and patience even though she wasn’t a perfect person (and it could have been a breaking-the-cycle sort of thing, because she desperately needed somebody to help guide her in high school and never got it). there’s also just something very sweet to me about quinn, who literally went crazy about not getting to have beth in her life, fulfill that maternal role in a way (finally, some found fuckin family 😩👌). plus like, watching them go from a mini-me and a kid in denial to two people who accept one another (and themselves!!!) in all of their flaws would have been thematically perfect for what glee wanted to be. her relationship with kitty could have become something so meaningful but they just dropped the ball and it genuinely frustrates me so bad 😭 #justiceforquinnscharacterarc

sorry this is a mess i hope this gets across what im trying to say!!! i have more thoughts about what kitty and santana could’ve been doing character-wise during a mentoring plot line but i don’t wanna clog ur inbox. but thank u for replying to my first message, u made my day!!

Kitty anon, my beloved! I’m always down to talk more about any of my bitchy cheerleaders and your brain is huge so please continue sharing your thoughts. I’m not gonna talk about Santana much here but that’s only because I’m looking forward to your thoughts on her and Kitty’s relationship! So if you feel like it please do share. I also have kinda separate thoughts on Quinntana contrasts/similarities and further thoughts on how Kitty mirrors both of them (the topic that started this!) but I’ll do those in another post. Feel free to reflect on that when it happens!

I completely agree, Quinn has all these huge story beats and really high stakes plots and then... nothing. I think I’m more critical of even the season 1 pregnancy storyline than most because I hate how much it focuses on Finn and even Will and Puck instead of her. Like, so much happens to this girl within such a short time and it’s like the writers just play groundhog day with her, resetting the status quo each time and giving her a different route to realize what she really wants.

I’m loving your ideas on her mentoring Kitty, it’s a shame Quinn was reduced to a guest star in later seasons otherwise this could have worked so well. (On the other hand good for Dianna for getting out.) At the very least I think we really needed a scene where Quinn realizes that Santana was right and Kitty really was up to no good, you know just to have that “oh shit” moment. Especially because I really do believe, as malicious as she was, Kitty didn’t fully realize how messed up everything she doing was. You can see it on her when Santana calls her out after Marley faints and then in deleted Swan Song scene she even tells Marley “you weren’t supposed to get hurt”. Not that that negates what she’s done but so many see her as this purely evil character instead of the ignorant kid she was.

And I think Quinn would be a great person to extend some understanding, like you say. And Anon, that “she was still worthy of love and care and patience even though she wasn’t a perfect person” bit? Omg you read my mind. I’d love that for their dynamic because, again in the deleted scene, when Marley shows Kitty understanding instead of contempt she’s so confused. And in Previously Unaired Christmas as well, Kitty shows she’s aware that she’s messed up and doesn’t view herself as worthy. So for Quinn, a person who’s made mistakes and hated herself for it and who didn’t often get help and compassion when she would have needed it the most, to be able provide that for Kitty would be *chef’s kiss*.

And this?

there’s also just something very sweet to me about quinn, who literally went crazy about not getting to have beth in her life, fulfill that maternal role in a way (finally, some found fuckin family 😩👌)

Holy shit where has your galaxy brain been all my life? Alright, jesus, just give me a second.

I would have never thought of that but it is such an incredible thought. Yes. Yes! Quinn getting to guide this messy kid who’s so much like her in many ways? Who aspires to be like her, not realizing that the Quinn she idolizes crumbled under all the expectations she was supposed to live up to? Quinn getting to be maternal in a healthy way? Holy shit.

Anon your thoughts definitely came across and don’t even apologize, it wasn’t messy and if it was my repsonse isn’t any less messy lol.

(I’ll share one more thought but only with you, okay? So everyone who’s engaged to me should come to the auditorium. Okay. You know that Quinn quote in the s3 finale?

This freshman just gave me a hug and told me to 'never change.' Poor thing is too young to realize that change can be so good.

I headcanon the freshman was Kitty and no one convince me otherwise. The timeline checks out and I mean who’d care anyway this is Glee. I was planning a gifset for this but it’s been years since my gif game was anywhere near on point so, we’ll see. But I find it so interesting that this whole idea of embracing change applies to Kitty’s arc as well.)

[flamingo-queen-writes]

5 & 7 for the ask game : )

Thank you for the ask!

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?

Deciding what the chapter count is going to be when you post is the perfect way to get a never-ending story. Even if you’re just guessing. Even if you still go with a ? for a chapter count. Even if you have an outline you fully intend to follow. Sometimes even if you already have all the chapters written.

The three chapter story that you were going to write? The characters are muttering, they’re dissatisfied, come over here, they just wanna talk. The story will be nine chapters before they let it go. Then you start posting and it goes up to fifteen.

The story that was going to be five chapters, maybe seven? The characters will start making a pie and everything will fall to shit and you’ll have to back away after chapter 21 and regroup. But then you’re good again, except you have to regroup at chapter 24 because they keep altering the narrative with their their demands. Do you have the last part written? Yes. Will you ever get there? Questionable.

The story that was going to be ten chapters and you thought you understood how things worked so you laughingly guessed twenty chapters while putting a ? for the chapter count, thinking you’d escaped the curse of the expanding story before the story could expand itself? You will still be writing at chapter 118, not a typo, and not yet be at the end. The end? Is it in sight? Who knows.

So don’t even guess. Just go with the ? and be done with it.

Yes, you can escape. If you write the whole thing, every word, all the chapters, before you ever start thinking about the chapter count, then you can guess that’s how many chapters it’ll be, only if you then refuse to edit it. Even a little. Even to add a little section here or there. No touchie! Hands off once it’s finished or you’ll be adding whole chapters to the never-ending saga.

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

I want to say reader interaction, but that’s a dangerous place to find your joy. So let me elaborate. It’s not just comments or kudos or asks, etc. that you get to respond to, though those are filled with joy and are a source of incredible happiness. It’s the writing that anticipates reader responses.

I get a certain amount of glee from writing a phrase or a plot twist / revelation that I anticipate readers having a reaction to. It’s dropping a little “steve” into a ramble from the Soldier, or hinting at “the end of the line.” It’s putting in a recognizable dog that will become a major part of the storyline. It’s tossing in a reference to watermelon or birds. It’s hinting that Riley got shot down by HYDRA, not just any old opponent. I am my own reader first and foremost, so I get a kick out of these things even if/when no one else sees them or mentions them.

And then there’s the interaction itself that I get to have with readers. I really do look forward to that, and I answer every comment directed my way unless it’s clear the conversation has ended. Reader commentary lets me know if I’m on track, if the zinger has hit or missed, if the plot development makes sense. It helps me see if foreshadowing is working, because I love adding that in and having it pay off. And I love being able to discuss things with readers.

So I get that joy from the planning stage, writing stage, posting stage and responding stage. The waiting stage, not so much. That part’s painful, haha! But it doesn’t last forever, and the rest makes it worth the wait.

[gleeincorrectquotes]

As a gay person myself, I forgive Finn. After he had his outburst calling Kurt a slur, he very quickly realized that what he did was awful, & in the next scene we see him in he tries to apologize, then in the next scene he does exactly what he was scared of doing. He PUTS ON A DRESS admits he still has a lot to learn, and apologizes. I liked the arc. I'm not saying anyone HAS to forgive him, but I do.

The theatricality arc is very well written, I’d say most Kurt storylines are (even if most of them are just “Now Kurt will suffer some more”) and this is a good one for Finn too because it’s.... good?

(Bare with me because this is one of my most sloppily written and least thought out opinions to date 😬 sorry I’m tired)

It’s good for a lotta reasons

1 - “Saying gay slurs (esp at a gay person) is wrong”

I can’t really speak for what 2009/10 was like very well, but I know it wasn’t the... friendliest when it came to the gays. Burt directly telling Finn off for using the slur, not just for yelling at his son or whatever is important. This isn’t Burt saying “my son is v sensitiv and I love him pls don’t yell” this is “The next time you use that slur in my house I will rip off your balls”

2 - Finn is in the wrong

This isn’t me blinded by my love for Kurt, I get that he was being pretty creepy. But this isn’t a 50/50 ‘both of them are bad’ situation. Finn is in the wrong here, sorry Finn stans. The only other time “f*g” has been used is by the bad guys. Going by that logic, Finn is the bad guy here.

3 - Finn knows he’s in the wrong

Look Finn’s the main character. If glee wanted, they could’ve had him coming out the hero here (I mean they do but not the way I mean) and I could kinda argue that Finn is only sorry because he got yelled at by Burt, that if Burt hadn’t come down and stopped him he would’ve continued, but I won’t because just because the regret isn’t instant doesn’t mean he doesn’t regret it.

4 - He actually apologises

When Finn leaves that basement, I’m 100% part of his brain is still going “what’s the big deal?” Or “if Karofsky can say it, why can’t I?” Because let’s face it Finns not the sharpest tool in the shed and he’s straight, words like that just don’t have the same weight to straight people.

But he knows he did a bad thing. It’s not left up in the air, an abandoned plot line or something that’s “fixed” by the next episode with a throwaway line from Kurt like “oh but he apologised later...” the next day in the same ep he’s in that school in his shower curtain dress ready to kick some ass and give some support.

So for those reasons this storyline is pretty well written in my opinion. Not arguing he was right to say it. But he said it, he apologised, and Kurt (and this gay anon) forgave him. Like the anon said, if you’ve still got an issue, you’re well within your rights. I’m bi but I’ve never had any slurs yelled at me by my crushes/step-brothers so I can’t speak for everyone.

Anyway again this is written bad and such but my main message is : I don’t have any issues with the way this plot line was written and I’m p happy with it because the scene with Burt is the kinda scene that sticks with you and holy shit can Mike O’Malley act

[todaydreambelieversfic]

Author Spotlight : InsightfulInsomniac Day 3

Author Spotlight : InsightfulInsomniac (@zigxzag-klaine​​)

How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

Um. I rarely ever revise before posting. I’ve maybe revised once or twice. Once I post it, I’ll read through it on AO3 and fix any accidental typos that I catch, but that’s it. I churn it out and post it often on the same day... so. That’s my style, and it’s a bit insane, but that’s me!

If you were to revise one of your older fics from start to finish, which would it be and why?

I think I’d like to revisit “A Tale of Two Toothbrushes.” I love it, and it’s a really sweet fic of mine, but I could see myself revising it a bit. I just think that’s I’ve grown in my writing since then, and I have a better grasp on the characters than I did at that moment. That being said, I still love it.

What do you look for in a beta?

I actually don’t have one... oops. However, my younger sister does read over every fanfic I write and lets me bounce ideas off of her when I have writer’s block, so she’s definitely my unofficial beta. What I’d look for is a genuine interest in the characters and storylines that they’re subjected to!

If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

I’d choose to write the sequel of one of my favorite one shots of all time, “I Saw the Signs,” by Skivvysupreme. It’s about Burt realizing everything about the aftermath of 3x05 “The First Time,” and I’d love to continue that fic. I’ve written a little around my own take on that arc, but theirs is just so perfect that I’d love to continue it.

Do you take liberties with canon or are you very strict about your fic being canon compliant?

I am the definition of being strictly canon-compliant. That’s where I exist comfortably in my writing, and I’m always so impressed by people who can write beyond it! However, I genuinely love being confined to canon, because it allows for analysis and expansion of tangible concepts that exist in the Glee universe!

Talk about a review that made your day.

Oh wow, literally every review makes my day, but one that sticks out to me as of recently was from a lovely returning reader. They had noted at the beginning of their very long comment that they started reading and then decided to open up the comment window in another tab so they could comment as they went because they knew they’d forget everything they’d want to say. They then proceeded to point out their favorite lines and moments within the entire 7000 word story, and it made my day! I also love the reviews that say that my canon is now their canon, because I write a lot of future fics — knowing that I’ve stuck true to the characters even while continuing their lives according to my own universe is always such an encouraging compliment.

Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them?

I find that most of the community on AO3 is exceedingly sweet, so it’s very rare. That being said, I do occasionally get criticism, such as little notes like “I don’t understand this plot point” or “(character) probably wouldn’t say/think that because ____.” Most of the time, I’ll agree with or understand their criticism, and either fix the issue noted or explain why I made that creative choice, and then leave it at that. Sometimes, however, you just have to let it go. I’ve had a few suggestions or criticisms that I just didn’t agree with, so I didn’t respond to them! Again, most of the Glee community on Ao3 is so wonderful, so that’s extremely rare.

What advice do you have for people just starting to write?

Just go for it! Write those ideas that are swimming around in your head, even if they come out incomplete or in need of revision. Don’t ever think that your story is one that’s already been told — you will always offer a new perspective. Don’t be afraid to write what you love, even if it’s been done before. Just write, and if you’re ready to share it with people, take that leap of faith! It’ll be worth it in the end, and you always have room to grow.

Which fic do you most like to discuss with other people? Why?

I’m going to go with a series of mine instead of a singular fic — my dads!klaine series is SO fun to discuss because I adore seeing how people interpret my Klaine kids. They’re all original characters that I’ve created, and they’ve really cemented their individual places in my verse. I love that people get attached to my version Klaine’s kids and accept them as their canon, and I love that they care just as much about them as they do Kurt and Blaine (because I do too)!

What's one aspect of writing fic that gets you really excited?

I’ve talked about this a lot, but the opportunity to fill in and expand upon bits of canon that were either rushed or overlooked in the greater picture that was Glee. I love diving in deep to characters or small moments in time, and fanfic allows authors to do that on their own terms through their own interpretations. I really care about this show and its characters, and I try to show that through my fics.

***

Check out InsightfulInsomniac’s Fics

Missing Moments: The Wedding  -  Missing moments from 6x08 “The Wedding.” Basically everything we wanted to see that the show didn’t give us, from their decision to get married all the way to the quiet moments alone after the wedding is over.

A Tale of Two Toothbrushes  -  On Burt’s day off, he decides to do some spring cleaning. When he cleans Kurt’s bathroom, he discovers not one, but two toothbrushes. When he realizes why that is, he decides to make something to help Blaine feel more at home.

Caught Red-Handed  -  Kurt and Blaine are staying with Burt and Carole for the few days before they leave for their honeymoon. Being newlyweds is one thing, but being newlyweds two doors down from your in-laws is another. Kurt doesn’t seem to care, but Blaine cares a lot.

[miasswier]

miasswier’s ultimate glee ranking: no 11

11: Puppet Master

Written by: Matthew Hodgson Directed by: Paul McCrane

Overall Thoughts: Okay, this episode is on some serious fucking drugs, but I actually love it? Like… it’s hilarious but also has some pretty good content, too. It’s one of the episodes I’ve re-watched the most, and genuinely one of my all-time favourite episodes of this show. I KNOW IT’S ON DRUGS. But for once they made it work.

What I Like:

We get two (2) Klaine scenes in this episode, which is super rare for episodes where Blaine is in Lima and Kurt is in New York. Plus, many references to their engagement. It brings me so much joy.

Blaine-centric episodes are always fantastic, but I think what I like about this one is it gave Blaine the opportunity to be absolutely ridiculous, as opposed to his usual role as the straight man. Plus, I adore Blamtina, but it was also so cool to see him interacting with Jake, Becky, and Sue as well, who are characters he rarely gets to interact with (I think this is actually the only episode that Blaine and Jake have a one-on-one scene).

Kurt gets his own storyline, separate from what Blaine is going through! It’s so rare for Kurt to get a storyline that flows parallel to Blaine’s, but is also totally separate. He is also the main character in this storyline, not just the sidekick to Rachel or Santana’s protagonist. It’s nice.

Sue gets a storyline that isn’t just her being cartoon-y and crazy. She is competent, she is a leader, and she does it all in high heels and a face full of make-up. It’s awesome.

Bree gets smacked in the face with the reality of what she did to Marley. Look, I hate how Glee is always pitting girls against each other, and characters like Bree always seem to be out to do nothing but tear other girls down (I mean, Santana, Quinn, and Kitty were all sort of introduced with the same goal in mind). What I like about how this story went down was that it didn’t feel like “haha Bree, now you’re being punished for being such a slut.” Instead it was about Jake, and how Jake is not only hurting all the girls he’s messing around with (something that is rarely drawn attention to in these playboy characters), but he’s also hurting himself and his potential future children. Jake sleeping around and Bree having a pregnancy scare wasn’t Bree’s punishment, it was both of their wake-up call, and it’s so rare to see stories like this told that way.

That whole scene between Marley and Jake at the end is fantastic. Marley saying the words “It’s not my job to fix you, Jake” is quite possibly the most amazing thing she has ever said – especially when you think about who she was last year, and how Unique literally told her “he sleeps around and will hurt you” and two seconds later Marley agrees to go on a date with him. She’s come a long way, and I’m so happy that Marley’s endgame was single and nowhere near ready for another relationship.

While Blaine’s plot is obviously the A plot, it’s really hard to label any of the other plots as B, C, or D. I love that.

“Did you just touch me with a puppet?!”

Blaine ending the episode by giving/sending everybody the puppets he made of them was such a huge move, and one that I really wish had been given a more explicit explanation. As it stands, it just seems like Blaine is apologizing to everybody about being controlling by giving them a gift, when really it’s more about Blaine giving up control. He is accepting that he no longer needs to pull the strings, because his friends are their own people and they can pull their own strings in their lives. It’s a huge moment for him.

The scene with Blaine and Brad sfhioishfosio

Blina scene at the end I love those two so much.

Elliott saying he refuses to let the band disband even though they “failed”. He’s such a good friend I love him.

What I Don’t Like:

We’re still misgendering Unique. It’s not any better when you have her do it to herself. There’s actually a decent amount of casual transphobia in this episode.

And Artie being referred to as a “cr*pple”. It’s season 5, people. This was 2014. Isn’t ableism a little passé at this point?

So much sexism in the scene between Schue and Sue masquerading as enlightenment. Am I supposed to believe Will thinks highly of women when he literally says the words “she managed to be feminine and strong” as if that’s some kind of oxymoron. Dear lord.

They really squander Demi Lovato in this episode.

Even though I do love this episode, it is a massive filler episode, which seriously, is getting old at this point on the show.

Songs:

Into the Groove: Kurt actually gets to sing lead on a song for his band!!! It’s a fantasy sequence, but still. I love it.

You’re My Best Friend: So cracky but literally amazing. I’m in love.

Nasty/Rhythm Nation: I fucking love this mash-up. So well done and sounds amazing. Plus, the scene is awesome. A+

Cheek to Cheek: I don’t really connect with this song, and out of all the drug induced fantasies, this one is the most boring.

What Does the Fox Say: This song is on the level of “why” that I attach to “Gagnam Style”. Like… why? Why? Why.

Final Thoughts: This is one of my all time favourite Glee episodes. It’s so cracky and hilarious, and lets Blaine be comedic for one of the first times, showing he pulls it off perfectly. All the stories are interesting and dealt with well, and most of the music is fantastic. For a filler episode, it’s really enjoyable.

[dgcatanisiri]

The thing that really bugs me with the BioWare writers saying that they don’t want to do the all-bi romances again because (quoting from tweets by Patrick Weekes), they were more comfortable with people being angry they couldn’t romance a character with a certain gender than being angry about the idea that gay/lesbian people don’t exist...

One, that misses a very obvious point, that you’re locking queer people out of stories they need to experience with those barriers (as I bring up, my example is that Cullen’s story hits home for me, the trauma, the PTSD, the recovery, but I can’t romance him with a male character, and it HURTS). You put up these barriers, you lock people out of seeing the story they need in the way they need. Because it doesn’t help me, a queer man, to roll a female Inquisitor in the name of romancing Cullen and seeing him recover with someone who loves him, because I will not ever find that with a woman. 

Two, the way this has been done locks the gay characters (specifically the men) into stories that REQUIRE them to be gay in order to function, which... Conceptually, I understand the gist of it, that it’s making them unapologetically gay. BUT these are stories that have been repeated over and over for gay people in media for decades now - even fucking GLEE did the “will my family accept my queerness?” storyline, and for multiple characters. You’re not breaking ground by playing the same story over and over and over and over again. To say nothing of the fact that Gil’s story is dreadfully homophobic, reducing him to a turkey baster acting to benefit his straight female friend who we learn more about than HIM... 

Like I said above, we NEED more stories. Right now, it’s like going to a buffet and being told we can only choose from one or two things, while straight players are able to access the whole menu - sure, something we like might be one of our options, but when it’s obvious we COULD have more, but it’s restricted to the straight people, it’s not helping anything.

And then there’s point three: If your two options are going to piss people off either way, go with the one that offers options to the most people, because that’s actually doing the work of trying to offer something to everyone. And then make side characters who are in same-sex relations, if you’re concerned about not representing gay/lesbians in the game.

Yeah, it’s impossible to please everyone. But you know something? The all bi romances offers at least the most options that do as much to NORMALIZE same sex relationships. Because Dorian’s story just gave another instance of “being gay sucks.” That’s great empowerment there. Yeah, okay, you might be reaching out to the closeted person afraid of coming out by having these characters whose whole purpose comes down to standing defiantly against homophobia, but if you’re out, all it does is reiterate the idea that the hardships in life you, as a gay person, will face all stem from the result of your sexuality, that all that you come down to is How Well You Gay. 

Because Dorian’s personal quest being about his father wanting to make him straight REDUCES HIM DOWN. This is the thing that Inquisition chooses to make the most important facet of him, the thing it wants you to walk away from the game knowing about him. His personal quest does not involve any of him being the Redeemer of Tevinter he was hyped as. It does not use him to explore the fact that Tevinter may be beyond redemption, given all the evils that linger and evils that it still perpetrates. Hell, if anything, Inquisition paints Dorian as an abuse victim WHO CHOOSES TO RETURN TO HIS ABUSER - he cites “Tevinter cares” as a reason he cares so much about it, and then in practice, if not in words, seems to all but dump the Inquisitor to go back there - sending stones or not, going off the epilogue slides, it’s only ever the Inquisitor who drops everything and goes to him. 

And, it bares repeating, Gil is actively reduced to an accessory in Andromeda, reduced to little more than a turkey baster for Jill, a character who’s in the game for all of two minutes tops, and is the literal worst friend ever, telling her “best friend” that he’s “part of the problem” by being gay and not having kids (which is bullshit - if anything, if/when he decides to have kids, he would actually be a guaranteed customer for her, the fertility tech), when the guy’s maybe barely THIRTY - this is not something that needs to happen RIGHTTHISFUCKINGSECOND - on TOP of the fact that, when she knows he’s impulsive, it’s a really shitty thing to push for him to become a parent - if you question him on this, unless Ryder’s his boyfriend, he effectively digs in his heels to say “I’ll show you!” and doing it out of SPITE. To say nothing of where the fuck is this kid (assuming he agrees to it) supposed to be while Gil’s on the Tempest? Do they make the cargo bay into a play pen? Does Gil take a dirtside transfer (something that the guy who is willingly putting in forty plus hour work days is probably not looking for)?

Hell, even Steve Cortez... Yeah, it’s great that his story is the kind that could have easily have been about a deceased wife, but... What do I know about him BEYOND “have I mentioned my dead husband?” That’s all that he gets in the damn game.

This is the idea of providing something for gay men? Yeah, considering the track record, I don’t WANT them providing for me. So far, the straight men and even the bi men get a lot more actual character growth and development. They’re not reduced to “I’m gay, and that’s all you need to know about me!” as the extent of their character arcs.

Until BioWare can prove to me that they can give nuance and development and character to their gay characters, I really don’t want them doing gay characters. Because they don’t build them up beyond that. Their dominant, even only, real trait of note is “I’m gay.” Give me a gay character with meat on their bones, fine, yeah, we can talk. But until then... No. I don’t want these. Stick with bisexual romances.

And yeah, THAT’S an issue all its own, that male characters who are written as female romances first are getting better and nuanced characterization, but I’ve ranted enough as it is, so...

[orionsangel86]

A retrospective look at the Season 12 wishlist.

Back shortly after the season 11 finale I wrote out a wishlist of all the things I wanted for Season 12. Looking back at that list (here) It’s funny to see what I wanted with hindsight now that season 12 is over and season 13 is only a week away. I thought I would revisit my season 12 wishlist to recap the season and where I went wrong (and right!) before I post a wishlist for season 13.

Wish 1. Castiel gets his emotional arc resolved - This is a big one. As a Cas girl I was left unsatisfied with Castiel’s arc this season, HOWEVER, we KNOW from previous Dabb episodes that he loves to explore Castiel’s emotional story and I have no doubt that this will continue into season 12. Our angel still has a story ahead of him (hopefully ending in the love of a certain green eyed hunter.)

In Hindsight: Ah yes, my big number one on the wishlist was all about Cas getting his emotional arc resolved. Did he get this? Well, kind of. I don’t think any of us could have predicted that Dabb would give us THREE Castiel heavy episodes exploring his emotional past, present and future in ways which blew our collective meta brains out. Cas got lots of love this season and its why season 12 is now one of my all time faves. Where we are now is unknown in some ways for Cas but in other ways his past is clear. He has finally reached the transformation part of his character journey, and season 13 will bring us a Cas rising from the ashes like a beautiful phoenix shrouded in flames.

Wish 2. SUPERBRITISH - I am not going to stop going on about this. This is my land, My green and (fairly) pleasant land. The British are coming to Supernatural and I cannot stop being excited about it. Can I please have ALL the TFW in London head canons please? From traffic jams and silly accents to discovering the glory that is a bacon roll from Gregs on a Sunday morning whilst suffering a horrendous hangover.

In Hindsight: LOL. Yeah right. Am I disappointed? Totally. The British Men of Letters were for me, totally underwhelming. There was no trip to England, there was no grumpy Dean stuck on the M25. At the end of the day they served their purpose. They brought home the fact that hunting is not black and white. That sometimes it is humans who are the most monstrous. Honestly right now I just hope we don’t revisit it. I think its best that this story line gets dropped from now on. *sigh*

Wish 3. Awesome female characters continuing to kick ass - I adored the use of female characters in the finale. They all lived, no one female was a sexy lamp (sadly that role was given to Castiel) and no one got forced into unnecessary make out sessions. The women are smart, sarcastic badass queens who will RULE this show come October, and I for one, cannot wait. 

In Hindsight: Can I hear a cheer for the WAYWARD SISTERS! Hell’s YES! I mean, they have granted us what we wanted with the Wayward Sisters in season 13, but did we actually get this in season 12? Well, Lady Toni turned out to be a psycho, who died. Her British badass knuckle duster lady also died. Alicia and Tasha both died, so did Rowena and Eileen. It actually wasn’t a GREAT season for the girls. This is what happens when you give Bucklemming too much control over the main plot I suppose. *sigh*. So whilst the Wayward Sisters announcement definitely counts as a win, overall I can’t say this wish has been ticked off. 

Wish 4. Men of Letters vs Grand Coven -��Yes this is a big one and I am hoping is the main story arc going forward into season 12. I want to see more of the Grand Coven of witches and their European battle with the Men of Letters. I am expecting more awesome women kicking ass thanks to this potential storyline.

In Hindsight: LOL. Again. Wasted. Potential. *sigh*

Wish 5. Mother Mary and family time - Mary’s reveal was pretty amazing especially since I think we were all expecting it to just be her ghost or a vision or something, but nope, Mummy Winchester is back on the scene and I can’t even begin to imagine what they are planning to do with this. All I am hoping for is that Mary’s influence will help Dean to accept certain parts of him that he loves to keep repressed (effeminophobia and his bisexuality being the big ones). Mary coming back will hopefully start to truly break down and destroy John Winchester’s toxic influence over his sons. I also really really want her to meet Cas and say the words “Thank you for watching over my son.” YES.

In Hindsight: Ok so this one I think gets ticked off. Mary’s purpose was to get Dean to let go of some of his major hang ups, to finally get some really heavy stuff off his chest, and to break down John Winchesters toxic influence. Also for Dean to finally take his mother off that pedestal he’s been keeping her on his whole life. I think the show, and 12x22 particularly, did an excellent job with this. We didn’t quite get a bisexual reveal, but the subtext was thick and heavy (12x11 was glorious). Mary also mirrored Cas continually throughout the season as two people both looking for their place in this little family dynamic and having Mary accept Cas as “one of my boys” really was the icing on the cake for any Cas fans out there happily sipping on hater tears.

Wish 6. Sam gets some distance from Dean, some other friends, maybe a girl, and definitely a dog - I think it is safe to say that Sam isn’t dead. Probably just shot in the arm or leg or something. I want him to be taken to England by Lady T and face the Men of Letters. I hope that they will warm to Sam (and his wonderful moose charms) and that Sam will get to bond with his British companions away from Dean (because Dean always steals the side characters away and bonds with them more than Sam ever does - except for Eileen). Maybe there could even be love in the future for Sam - either by bringing back Eileen or developing a decent and believable relationship between Sam and Lady T (I don’t want her forced into the love interest role, I think she is far too good for that already, but if she becomes a regular throughout the season like Rowena is then potentially a relationship could blossom slowly between them. It could work. I have been hoping for love for Sam for some time now and I can see the potential in this).

In Hindsight: Urgh so this is a yes and a massive NOPE at the same time. Bucklemming managed to ruin Lady Toni in the second episode of the season and then killed off Eileen in 12x21 (seriously fuck those assholes). I guess even the THOUGHT of shipping Sam with someone now gets a girl killed in this show even if she doesn’t go near his killer dick. Poor Sam. On a more positive note he DID get some distance from Dean in 12x22 and symbolically the toxic co-dependency has been broken. So that is one major point to mark off. (I didn’t actually even wish for that as I doubted it would happen myself!) Shame about him still not getting a dog though. WHY CAN’T YOU GIVE SAM A DOG DAMMIT! Sam has definitely moved forward in season 12 to a healthier place, though I think he still has far to go compared to Dean. Hopefully we will see him reach his full potential in season 13.

Wish 7. Lady T is a well developed, fully rounded, likeable character and not a sexy lamp or boring love interest - I already love her. I want to know more about her, her motivations, her back story, how she became a woman of letters, I want her to be a worthy adversary to the Winchesters before becoming a trustworthy ally. I want her to continue to take none of their shit, to put them in their place and therefore earn their respect. I also really want to see her face of with Rowena. That would be awesome. England vs Scotland right there! Potentially I would accept her becoming a love interest to Sam only if it was done right. If it was done in the subtext throughout the season and is only a very very tiny part of the storyline. It would have to be major slow burn. No forced kisses like in CACW (did you guys see that? what the fuck was that?). Only then, would I accept any sort of romantic sub-plot between characters.

In Hindsight: *ugly cries into pillow over how off the mark this was*

Fuck you Bucklemming.

Wish 8. More screen time for Dean and Cas = DESTIEL - Well obviously. It wouldn’t be a proper supernatural wishlist if it didn’t have Destiel written in big letters somewhere now would it? After all the build up in Season 11 in the subtext I am still convinced that this is going somewhere. The season finale has NOT destroyed my positivity at all. In fact it has only added to it. (come ask me about it if you want more info). At the end of the day, Dean and Cas are going to have to save Sam. This means spending time together trying to FIND Sam in a completely unknown city (hence my excitement over them renting a car and getting stuck on the M25 before ending up lost in somewhere like Surrey… Oh the fanfiction potential! I can practically taste it! I have faith in Dabb to bring us more destiel moments. he has always been good to us.

In Hindsight: *stops crying*

*jumps around in glee*

*remembers the end of 12x23*

*cries again*

Do I even need to talk about it? Every good wishlist should include destiel, but I NEVER would have predicted what they gave us. I NEVER would have seen it coming…

Mixtaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeee

But seriously though? With the pining over each other in 12x09, the angel/human love stories and human weakness of 12x10, the LOVE CONFESSION of 12x12 and the MIXTAPE (among other amazing moments) in 12x19 where do I even START with season 12 destiel?!? The fact that they have ended it like they have KNOWING Cas is coming back… I mean… it is BEYOND ANYTHING I COULD HAVE DREAMED UP. There is a reason we call it season fanfic 12. Holy crap it was glorious. I’m marking this a big YES for the wishlist.

Wish 9. Following on from the above… HUNTER CAS - Dabb brought us the wonderful episode Hunteri Heroci which had Cas try out his hunting skills (and save the day I might add). We know Dabb loves Cas. I have every reason to believe that Cas will get more time as a Hunter. I want him in MOTW episodes. He will be soooo good in MOTW episodes please please PLEASE let this happen! (especially if the MOTW episodes are set in BRITAIN because the boys are still out there dealing with the MOL and the Grand Coven…. I see them dealing with ghosts that are 1000 years old and haunting freaking castles… it will be glorious.)

In Hindsight: Does “Agent Beyonce” count as Hunter Cas? Because I want to count it. It may not have been on the level of Hunteri Heroici, but I loved his grumpy married couple bickering with Dean at the start of the season, the lumberjack comment? That was genius. Give us more stuff like that SPN PLEASE.

Wish 10. More funny episodes - More witches doing ridiculous things to the boys. Give me ACTUAL MOOSE SAM WINCHESTER PLEASE! Give me the kind of silly witch stories we have been reading about in fanfics for far too long… come on show, its season 12! What have you got to loose?

In Hindsight: Well, 12x11 was witches and was pretty funny whilst being equally heart breaking. Plus it gave us the wonderful end scene of Dean riding Larry to his hearts content. None of us are gonna forget that in a hurry. I think it counts. Even though I am still royally pissed off that they killed Rowena. *sigh*

We do have a Scooby Doo animated episode in season 13 though which again I never ever would have considered possible but heyho, they love to surprise us.

Wish 11. Beach Episode - This is purely for @elizabethrobertajones. Maybe once they are done in Britain, they’ll head off to the med for a true European beach experience… They’ll be fine as long as they have Cas with them. He speaks all the languages. He can order the cocktails and ice creams. ;-)

In Hindsight: I TAKE IT BACK. NO BEACH EPISODES EVER AGAIN. Sometimes I swear Dabb lurks on Lizzy’s blog to read the kind of stuff we are dreaming up just so he can grant our wishes in the MOST PAINFUL WAY EVER. Cas DIED on a beach. All Dean wanted was to visit a beach once in his life, but they KILLED CAS on a BEACH. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO US DABB? WHY?

*continues sobbing into pillow*

Stay tuned for my Season 13 Wishlist... Once I stop crying...

[hexxalite-hecate]

I HAVE FEELINGS ABOUT TLJ AND I’M GOING TO TALK ABOUT THEM OK THANKS

Spoiler: the more I think about TLJ, the more I like it. This is a closer look at the big criticisms I’ve seen about the film. The most popular ones seem to be:

1. Reylo sucks and Rey’s storyline with Kylo romanticises abuse

2. Rey not being a Skywalker or a Kenobi is bullshit and meaningless

3. You ruined Luke!

4.The movie is too long and convoluted, what even is going on in the space casino 

WELL OK THEN HERE WE GO

Argument 1: Rey and Kylo's interactions romanticise abuse.

Some people love the idea of a Kylo/Rey romance; others feel his treatment of her bears unmistakable hallmarks of gaslighting and abuse, and the idea of a strong woman like Rey falling into a clichéd bad-boy romance arc would ruin her character and send a really terrible message about relationships that the media is already guilty of widely perpetrating. And to much of an extent, I agree with that, especially the second part of the argument. But I’m not weighing in on shipping wars; that’s not what this is about. I want to talk purely about canon interaction, and I don’t think any romanticising of abuse is borne out by how Rey actually responds to Kylo onscreen. A lot of people point to the scene where he reveals her parentage and asks her to join him, in particular that his statement about her being “nothing” is manipulative and insidious.

While I definitely don’t think Kylo is above being manipulative, let’s try and analyse a little more of what’s going on in that scene. I admit it’s kind of funny to think of Kylo negging like a redpiller, but I think there’s more going on when he says “you’re nothing; but not to me” than a pickup line. I believe Kylo’s projecting like a 60w bulb here. It just so happens that he hit the nail on the head when he touched on Rey’s fears of loneliness and abandonment, but I think he’s also talking about his own feelings. In fact, Kylo’s dialogue is so Freudian that it’s an interesting exercise to take all the statements he makes to others throughout the film (particularly Rey) and assume he’s talking to himself. The results are weirdly plausible. Snoke has clearly been destroying his self-esteem for years, and he (not without reason) believes that the bridges back to his family are forever burned. I think the “you’re nothing; but not to me” comment is a statement he would long for someone to say TO him. He’s honestly trying to communicate to Rey that she has worth, despite it coming across almost the exact opposite. And the thing he most wants in the world is for someone to feel that way about him.  

By this point in the film, the battle with Snoke and the Praetorian Guards has galvanised a new direction in Kylo. “Let the past die. Kill it if you have to.” Now he fully embraces that statement. To him, Rey represents a whole new path that had hitherto been non-existent; something outside both the First Order AND the Jedi/Resistance. When he asks her to join him, I don’t believe he means as part of the First Order. Listen to his words: "We can rule together and bring a new order to the galaxy." I think he meant for them to forge a completely different path, just the two of them. This is why he doesn’t lend much thought to stopping the attack on the Resistance ships, callous as is it. He’s killed the past. None of it matters to him. He doesn’t care if the Supremacy burns too; in fact he’d be glad. He and Rey can leave all this pain and heartache behind and become their own Order. When he makes this offer, Kylo is at his most sincere and vulnerable. And when Rey rejects it, his fleeting vision of a glorious future beyond his pain, guilt and subjugation is dashed in an instant. Predictably, he reacts with a psychotic break.

Of course it would be a ludicrous betrayal of Rey’s character for her to accept this proposal, throwing her friends’ lives to the wind and enabling Kylo in his selfish power fantasy. I’m so glad the writers didn’t go that route, for a number of reasons. For a start, Rey is not aware of the true complexity of what Kylo is experiencing in this moment. She simply sees him retreating to the Dark Side, dashing her own hopes of his redemption that had surely risen during the triumph over Snoke and the Praetorian Guards. Rey would never have said yes to Kylo Ren; it was Ben Solo she went to the Supremacy to save. But even had she seen what was really going on in his head, I’m still glad she refused because it underscores a subtle but strong feminist narrative that has permeated the new trilogy so far. Kylo is damaged, but it is NOT Rey’s job to fix him. Her compassion prompted her to reach out a supportive hand and she undoubtedly feels the chemistry of their bond, but she won’t throw her principles, her integrity and her friends under the bus for what is essentially a psychotic killer, no matter how much she sympathises with his pain. This is why I find it misleading when people label Kylo and Rey’s canon interaction as “romanticising abuse”. Having compassion for someone is not the same as enabling or excusing their actions. If Rey had fallen into his arms believing she could fix the bad boy and everything would be ok, THAT would be romanticising an unhealthy relationship. But she doesn’t. Her integrity speaks sense over her bond with Kylo, and she refuses to take on the responsibility of making him better. That responsibility is his alone.

Now, if he takes it upon himself to improve and atone, truly and unselfishly? Then I would be up for an actual relationship between them. I don’t think that’s an implausible prediction for the series, either.

Argument 2: Rey having no significant parentage was pointless and a wasted opportunity.

The feminist nature of how Rey’s character is written touches on another of the major complaints I’ve seen about TLJ; the reveal of her parentage. I think even Daisy Ridley commented with annoyance that the only conversation people seemed to be having about Rey was which famous man is her progenitor. But guess what! She’s not special because she’s Luke’s daughter or Ben’s sister or Obi-Wan’s granddaughter; she’s special because she’s Rey. If one of TLJ’s main themes is failure, the other is undoubtedly “we are the spark”, and “we” is everyone and anyone. Anyone can be special and rise to greatness, no matter if they’re a long-lost relative of a powerful Force-wielder or not. The Skywalker dynasty is not as special or unique as you thought they were.

This leads into another thing that I really love about how TLJ is written, and something that its detractors seem most furious about: it’s not afraid to kill sacred cows. The Skywalkers are not the be all and end all of the Force. Not even the Jedi and the Sith are; Luke makes that crystal clear when he encourages Rey to feel the true extent of the Force during her meditation. All these ancient traditions and bloodlines are insignificant specks in the cosmic Force. What I love about this concept is that it so perfectly and cleverly chastises fans for clinging onto a limiting and misplaced sense of tradition about Star Wars. Ending on the scene with the nobody stableboy on Canto Bight casually Force-calling his broom encapsulated this theme; the spark is everywhere. Anyone can rise and be a hero. Even the Skywalkers came from nothing; they were slaves from a backwater nowhere. The institutions of the Jedi and the Sith were both corrupt and ineffectual by the end because they clung to tradition instead of focusing on living individuals. The Jedi were as much to blame as the Sith for the creation of Darth Vader; their rigid adherence to their codes lead to Anakin’s alienation and eventual fall. Ironically, the one character we see who seems to understand this turns up in the hated Phantom Menace; Qui-Gon Jinn. His focus on the living Force rather than traditions and codes is implied to be the reason he was never accepted by the Jedi Council, but he was the only one who truly connected to the young Anakin on a compassionate and human level. If Qui-Gon hadn’t died, Darth Vader might never have existed.

Nowhere is the theme of killing sacred cows more blatantly paraded than in the scene where Luke and Yoda destroy the ancient Jedi temple tree with its sacred texts. Having conceived of the idea in a moment of manic despair (much like the moment that lead to him contemplating killing Ben Solo), Luke is then horrified when the ghost of Master Yoda finishes the job with what seems like capricious glee. But Yoda has finally learned the lesson that Luke taught him on Dagobah when he abandoned his training in favour of saving his friends; when the old ways do not work, it’s ok to let them go. Kill your sacred cows. Let the past die. “We are what they grow beyond", Yoda tells Luke. What use are Masters if their apprentices never surpass them? And that’s true of Yoda as well. Even an old dog can learn new tricks, and on Dagobah, Yoda was still clinging to the codes and traditions of the creaky outmoded Jedi Order.  He was reluctant to train Luke and believed his impulse and emotion to be dangerous. But Luke taught him that emotion, passion, love and putting your friends first was not something to be feared as a path to the Dark Side; it is to be embraced and cherished as an essential human experience. Ironically, since his failure with Ben, Luke himself has become afraid that that lesson was the wrong one. But when the tree burns, Yoda re-kindles in Luke the very thing that Luke taught Yoda all those years ago on Dagobah. The cyclical nature of their journeys mirror the cyclical nature of the Force; it will go round and round, encompassing everything and everyone. We are the spark.

Argument 3: Luke's personality was butchered and his exile was out of character.

“Killing a sacred cow” is what I think a lot of people’s feelings about Luke’s characterisation boil down to in TLJ, and where a lot of the upset stems from. I’ve seen many arguments that Luke would never have contemplated killing Ben; that he would never avoid his responsibilities with the Resistance for 20 years; he would never be so “cowardly” as to not attend the final battle on Crait in person. His hope and light was the focal point of the original trilogy; his character was butchered! But I think all of these arguments overlook fundamental aspects of Luke’s character. Implying he has realistic human flaws seems to be sacrilege. But when you think about it, the things we learn about Luke’s story in TLJ make perfect sense based on his personality, past and experiences.

Let’s look at Luke’s timeline after the OT. The biggest thing that goes wrong for Luke (that we know of) is his moment of madness when he turns a lightsaber on his own nephew. And on the face of it, it does seem extreme. Never-give-up-on-friends-and-family Luke, who went to the ends of the galaxy even for his corrupted fallen father, attempting to kill an innocent boy – his nephew at that!? It does seem outrageous. But when you really look at Luke’s character from Episodes IV to VI, you’ll see that he has these impulsive and passionate reactions a lot more than fans tend to remember. Luke is an extraordinarily emotionally driven person, and his gut instinct informs pretty much all his major decisions in the OT. He joined the Rebel Alliance because he saw a pretty girl on a hologram begging for help. He diverted the escape from the Death Star to rescue Leia as soon as R2D2 said she was a prisoner there.  He turned off his targeting computer in the trench.  He went to Dagobah on the orders of a hallucinatory ghost. He took weapons into the Dark Side cave against Yoda’s advice because he felt spooked. He went to rescue Han and Leia on Bespin despite Yoda begging him to remain impartial. We constantly see him making split-second emotional decisions or even succumbing entirely to instinctual feeling. Remember when Vader threatened Leia at the climax of RotJ, and Luke completely and utterly lost control? His hysterical, panic-filled beating on Vader is EXACTLY the kind of instinctive emotional reaction that we can assume happened in the hut with Ben. He had a shocking vision of Ben’s darkness, fell totally prey to his emotional instincts, and before he knew it the lightsaber was alight in his hand. Like during his fight with Vader, reason overcame madness pretty quickly, and I very much doubt Luke would actually have actually hurt Ben if the scene had been allowed to play out. He actually says this directly in the film: “it passed like a fleeting shadow, and I was left with shame and consequence”. But unlike with Vader, by that point it was already too late. The damage had already been done, the trust broken, and Ben reacted in his own uniquely impulsive catastrophic Skywalker way. (These Skywalker boys are all so extra.)

But Luke should have gained control over his feelings long ago, you cry! He was building a new Jedi Order, and one of the main hallmarks of the Jedi is that they control their emotions!

Well, yes, it was. But the entire point of the ending of RotJ is that Luke shatters that traditional Jedi Order. This is the lesson that he teaches Yoda at 11th hour on Dagobah; that you can be a strong in the light side of the Force and also be true to your personal attachments and commitments. They are not sins to be eradicated (this pressure is what drove Anakin to the Dark). This truth was undoubtedly part of the basis of Luke’s new Order. But when he wakes up and sees what his moment of uncontrolled instinctual reaction has wrought – his temple destroyed, Kylo gone, the apprentices slaughtered – he would naturally have had a crisis of self-doubt. Was he right about his new Order teachings? Should he have followed the old Jedi way instead? He must have been wrong, and now he’s failed everyone, including his own nephew, and by extension his beloved sister and best friend.

That brings us to the “out-of-character” exile on Ach To. As far as I can see, this isn’t out of character at all. Remember what everyone who doesn’t like Luke trots out? He’s whiny. He sulks as much as Anakin did in AotC. He had plenty of moments of inspiring optimism in the original trilogy, but he had plenty of moods too. And yeah, he was a teenager back then. But this is a part of Luke’s essential character, and the Luke of TLJ is not an 18-year-old any more; with age comes the natural loss of youth’s idealism even without a traumatic event to compound it. Luke’s always had his friends to pull him out of his melancholia before, but this time it was those very same friends whom he had let down. How could he seek solace with them when he had singlehandedly caused their son’s downfall? We don’t know yet whether he saw Han and Leia after the disaster with Ben, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he simply couldn’t bring himself to face them. And as time goes on, it gets harder and harder. Luke isn’t just ashamed of what happened with Ben; he’s afraid of himself. Is he dangerous? How many other lives could he ruin? They’re better off without him. Anyone who has ever struggled with depression, or seen a friend or family member do the same, will recognise this litany. By the time TFA rolls around, Luke is seriously depressed and probably suffering from PTSD as well. He is jaded, afraid, ashamed, cynical and bitter. When Rey turns up looking for all the world like another young idealistic Jedi puppy, asking for the very training that Luke believes doomed his first apprentices, is it any wonder Luke throws the lightsaber over his shoulder and refuses to speak to her? He genuinely thinks he has nothing to offer; or worse, that he and his teachings are an active danger to her. 

Of course as moody as Luke can be, he has always been easily pulled back to the light, even in his jaded and traumatised state in TLJ. It does not take Rey long to rekindle the spark of hope and optimism that has always been within him. The scars from his ordeal will never disappear, though. Did you notice how he FREAKS OUT when Rey shows even the slightest curiosity about the Dark cave below the island? He sees Ben all over again – or possibly even himself, entering the cave on Dagobah. He’s back to the rigid Jedi code of DENY REPRESS DENY, and predictably, it drives Rey away just as it did Anakin in AotC. It’s only after his heart-to-heart with Yoda that Luke begins to see the worth in his teaching methods again, and return to some semblance of the Luke we saw at the end of RotJ.

The projection he sends to Crait is not only a very clever move from Luke, it’s also a uniquely unselfish one, despite the cries of “coward” from the naysayers. What purpose would physically showing up on Crait serve? Only indulging his own ego. He’d have been killed in the first onslaught of firepower, and achieved nothing but despair for the Resistance and triumph for Kylo. He knows that the true value of his presence is to buy time for the Resistance to escape, and in the process inspire them with the sight of their long-lost ally. It also serves to show Kylo how powerful Luke truly is, even after all this time. Kylo drops a line earlier in the film about his Force bond with Rey not being the same as a physical projection; even with Rey’s level of raw power, he claims it would kill her. Of course it kills Luke too, although it’s unclear whether anyone has actually realised this by the end of the film. But Luke dies making the same sacrifice Vader did. He messed up, but his dying act is to protect his loved ones in whatever way he can. I personally thought the scene of his death on Ach To was incredibly beautiful. Luke has found peace and redemption. He is more at one with the Force than he has ever been. How can you begrudge an ending like that?

Argument 4: The film was over-long and the Canto Bight codebreaker plotline sucked.

Well yeah, I'll give you that one. Justice for Finn and Rose!

Anyway that’s all; thank you for coming to my TLJ TED Talk.

[cosmicmisfitsmusings]

I AM:

I write to figure out the I Am of me. Because this last year has been all about those two words, I am. “I am fine” “I am doing good! Really good. Really I am!” I am not.

I am alone. I am a mess. I am surviving. I am strength.

Writing is tied to me, providing the truth behind each I AM. I may try to ignore it, willingly and just as unwillingly.

The Why in “Why I write” has already been said by a million others, they don’t remain any less true. To understand, to clear my mind and cleanse my emotions, to hear the new or to understand the old. The Why is simple because like the air around me I need words, metaphors and stories in my world to keep me sustained, entertained, and whole.

So I write- because there I find me.

I am.

I am The Cosmic Misfit

I am a girl without a mother twice over.

I am an orphan twice over as well, once by the actions of man and now by the creations of a god and a universe I can’t understand.

I am surrounded by an overflowing excess of figures to provide the mother and father roles. I am not alone.

Just as chaos and order can coexist in the light and darkness so I am strength am I am vulnerability.

I am silliness, playfulness, a light and airy thing that sparkles with glee.

I am both the barren gardens and their gardener at the end of a traumatic season, shocked and numb and horrified at my lack of crop. I must remember the trauma, and only with time and wonderful self nurturing will I grow wild and full once again. Very few things in nature bloom fully all year round, and even the mightiest of oaks is still at the mercy of a tornado, I remind myself.

I am an anime magical pixie girl. Manic enough to make you truly believe I am changing your world view for the better. Oh the better person you will be when I am done with you, but in reality it just so happened my solitary path crossed with yours, so while you remain in your slump, I dance joyfully ever onward.

I am the cat-eared, leopard spotted, witchy girl who plucks lavender, watches the moon cycle, trusts in the universe, even as she still doesn’t understand its ways, but oh how she is still eager for its lessons!

I am a bored Disney princess, sick of captivity and the same thirty books and forty movies that are all the same storylines told over and over again and again. I am ready for new, adventure, sights, personalities, romance and the epic journey of introducing a fully realized me to a unknown population.

I am the mythical, ethereal Phoenix whose world and body has burned so many times that in the flames of the last blast, I chose to rise up again not just as a mere Phoenix, but instead morphing into the Dragon so the flames no longer hurt as they burn and I embody all the fires of the universe: creativity, love, passion, and I ache to share these soul enlightening fires with the world. Fully knowing my way has to be gentle, for all they will see is a Dragon and not question nor care how I came to be.

I am every young literary author just beginning their word journey, unsure and doubtful of the voice I possess, fearful of that wider rejection, and utterly terrified of what will happen if I were to remain selfish and not share my words with the world.

I am Renee, I am doing fantastically. I am my own parental voice, I am my own inner child. I am getting through this one way or another. I am the child who has survived. I am the girl who still laughs in pure defiance of the ordered. I am not logical. I am the young woman journeying her path alone. I am motherly, I am ancient. I am wise. I am ever learning, ever teaching. I am young. I am soft, I am kind. I am loving. I am grieving, I am suffering. I am confused. I am furious. I am hurt. I am lonely. I am scared. I am excited. I am ecstatic. I am wonder. I am okay. I am. I am. I am.

I.

Am.

First draft written on Oct 3rd, 2017 in a Writing to Heal group, modeled after Terry Tempest Williams “Why I Write.”

[clarilune]

Reviews and Why They Are Important

When I was eleven years old, my cousin (who’s a year older than me) suggested that we join a Pokémon forum. Since I was a fan of the Pokémon games, I agreed and became addicted to hunting down shiny pokémon, clinging very strictly to the discussion on shiny pokémon in the forums. (And now I have 15 legitimate shinies, caught through chaining and random encounters. -fist pump-) [EDIT 2017: Now I have almost 30. Sorry. Had to brag for a second.]

While I was (and still am) a gamer, I also was (and still am) a writer. Becoming frustrated with my original ideas, I decided fanfiction would be a good exercise for my skills. I began with Pokémon fanfiction and became addicted to it. Initially, I didn’t want to write. I only wanted to read and gain inspiration, so I fell in love with amazing stories like “The Legendarian Chronicles.” (Which is still a damn good story. Just saying. It’s written by Chibi Pika. Go read it.) Stories with epic adventures inspired me, so I sat down and started writing. However, there was something I very clearly lacked: planning.

Once upon a time, I didn’t plan out characters. I gave them faces and names, improvising personalities when the time came. I didn’t consider their histories unless it was relevant to the plot. I didn’t think anything else of the character unless it was directly related to the plot. Speaking of plots, I didn’t plan those out either. I didn’t even stop and think about what would happen. I only wrote in the moment and unthinkingly submitted chapters, eager for positive feedback.

After I’d written one chapter for a hurriedly designed story, I was certain I was going to get all sorts of praise upon submission. I thought people would tell me how my writing was amazing and my characters were spectacular. I was obsessed with writing description, so of course I went into blocks of detail about the environment and how things appeared. It gave me a great satisfaction. I felt that some people would receive the same enjoyment I received when writing it. I started a thread with my story as the title and waited impatiently.

One day passed by. After logging onto my account, the eleven-year-old I scampered to the thread I had started…only to discover that there was nothing. No one had replied or posted any sort of review.

I glanced at the number of views the thread had received. 60? How were there 60 views yet no reviews?

Slightly discouraged and peeved, I edited my post with a desperate demand for reviews. To spare myself from further frustration, I logged off and swore I wouldn’t get on until the next day. If I restrained myself, surely I would be rewarded with SOMETHING, right?

The next day, I reluctantly went to the thread. I had learned that getting my hopes up was never good. It never gave me anything in return.

Except, this time, someone had replied.

Barely able to contain my glee, I went to the response.

My jaw dropped.

It was perhaps the LONGEST review I had ever seen from anyone in my entire life. At first, I was happy. I started smiling so immensely that the muscles in my face ached. However, very soon, my smile began lowering into a frown.

I had never received constructive criticism up to that point. This was my first attempt at a fanfiction, and the first review I had ever gotten was probably one of the longest reviews I’ve ever encountered in my entire life, filled completely with criticism, tips, and advice. There wasn’t a single thing that the person had complimented about my writing. They analyzed each detail of the story, noting the lack of realism, grammatical errors, flat characters, and poor storyline.

I was stunned. My writing had always been praised by my family, friends, and teachers. I had been typing stories and sharing them in class since I was in kindergarten! I wanted to become an author…and now this person was saying my writing needed some definite improvement.

I didn’t flame or act petty in response. Instead, I asked, somewhat bitterly, “Was it really THAT bad?” It was the only thing I could do to keep myself from crying.

The person was thoughtful in their response, still very careful with their words. “No…There are just a lot of things you need to work on. You do have some decent lines of description, but the story is riddled with flaws right now. Brush up on grammar guides. Plan out your characters. Get a good idea of the plot. If you apply yourself and work on it some more, you’ll get a pretty good story going.”

At the time, I didn’t understand it. I hated that person. It felt like a personal attack. It felt like they had crushed my dreams with that review. They had made me realize that I wasn’t as good as I thought I was…so it made me think, “How can I ever become an author now?”

I quit the site, and I quit writing Pokémon fanfiction.

A few years passed. I started getting back into my love for fanfiction, but this time it was for a different fandom: Kingdom Hearts. That was when I joined fanfiction.net, but I promised myself I wouldn’t be publishing anything on the site. At least not for a long time, anyway.

Well, that backfired. The first Kingdom Hearts story I ever published was called “Wholesome” and I had written it on a whim. After my first attempt at fanfiction, I became obsessed with revising and editing…but I hadn’t learned from that reviewer at all.

I still hadn’t planned out any of the characters or the plot or anything before submitting the chapter. I tried planning out a few details of the characters as I went deeper into the fic, but ultimately I couldn’t plan any of the characters or the plot well. The story was also really difficult for me to write. I wanted my writing to be absolutely perfect, so it took me forever to finish one chapter. I became so stressed with actually writing it that the fun was taken out of it.

I wrote other things, other stories, but I felt myself missing Pokémon fanfiction. As I published other stories on the site, I still hadn’t learned from that one reviewer. I wasn’t planning stories or characters, as they had very specifically recommended. All of my stories were in dire need of it.

It wasn’t until reading and reviewing dozens of fanfictions later that I realized that that reviewer was correct. They had offered me all the steps for improvement, and I had refused it time and time again. I had been writing with so much discipline that it was stressful. It became incredibly difficult for me to enjoy it. And I couldn’t enjoy the process because I hadn’t planned anything out.

Because of that person, I now have the knowledge needed to write a good fanfiction. Because of that person, I now write very constructive, lengthy reviews to other authors in the hope I can pay it forward and help someone out as much as that person had helped me. Because of that person, I am now confident in my writing and have an awareness of the characters and the plot. Because of that person, I no longer expect blatant, pointless praise and have a desire to grow as a writer.

Untamed was the first story that was easy for me to write. I thoroughly planned out the characters, the plot, and the premise of the story. Most importantly, I didn’t stress about writing it. I wrote it for fun. That was perhaps why it was so easy, and why it’s still so easy for me to write.

So, why am I bringing this up? Because it shows that just ONE review can make a difference. At first, I was truly crushed by what that person had exposed in my writing. But now, I am incredibly grateful for what they did. The review was longer than any of the reviews that I write…and that’s saying something because I write extremely long reviews. Of course, that person also turned out to be an English major (Figures.) and is still extremely dedicated to fanfiction, but that’s beside the point. (I see them every now and again on ff.net and become torn between messaging them a thank-you or running in the opposite direction. They’re not THAT intimidating, but it’s as if I’m an eleven-year-old again whenever I see them.)

With that said, I’m not saying people should go out of their way to write huge reviews just because they feel obligated to. Do it because you want to help the person. Do it because you want the person to receive feedback for their effort. Do it because you want to.

This means people should review whenever they feel like it. But, if you have something to say (and I mean anythingatall), then you should say it. If you like the story, say it. If you dislike the story, say it. Authors only improve and thrive if they receive feedback for their efforts. Doesn’t everyone deserve that?

I’m not posting this because I feel I need more reviews or anything like that. I just think that some people have a very distorted perspective when it comes to reviews. Some people think reviews are what fuel the story. I remember there was this Kingdom Hearts fic I was following that received HUNDREDS of reviews. I only ever reviewed the story once and didn’t do anything for it until the author held a tirade. Apparently, the number of reviews per chapter had declined, so the author threatened to not post the next chapter until her demands had been fulfilled. People scampered to review after this, but it left a bad taste in my mouth. I reviewed with a sour tone and then deleted the story from my favorite’s after it had been completed.

Reviews do not fuel the story. Authors fuel the story. HOWEVER, authors sometimes struggle to fuel the story when no one supplies them with feedback. People want to know what others think of their creations. It leaves them feeling secure whenever someone says something.

This shouldn’t be the case, but we’re so solidly set in this willingness and desperation to gain approval from others that everyone depends upon reviews.

If someone truly loves someone’s writing or story enough, they will review. If someone truly dislikes someone’s writing or story enough, they will review. Plain and simple.

With that said, if you like or dislike a story and you DON’T review, you are screwing with the system. You’re probably missing out on a valuable opportunity to help someone. Whether it’s to give them a confidence boost, constructive criticism, or general feedback, not letting the author know your thoughts and feelings deprives them in the cruelest way.

For writers: you can write for enjoyment, but listen to what people have to say and be grateful if someone does say something. When you publish things, you are putting your work on display for THEM. People read to enjoy themselves in the same way you write out of enjoyment. Aim to inspire, but don’t seek mindless praise.

For readers/reviewers: say something. Let the author know what you liked or disliked about the story or chapter. Did you like this character? Did you like this description? Did you dislike what happened here? Out of the effort that they’ve done to write the story for YOUR enjoyment, the least you can do is tell them what you thought about it.

As my parting conclusion, I want to say everyone deserves a review like the one I received when I was eleven. I have learned and grown because of that person’s willingness to reach out to me despite all of the constructive (which I had interpreted as negative at that point in time) things they had to say. When I decide to stop being a scared little girl, I’m going to thank that person and let them know that they helped me out more than they could imagine.

It takes only one to make a difference. It’s so scary how true that is.

[biflseries]

a note to ClexaCon attendees

A lot of LGBT people are about to spend a weekend in Las Vegas talking about a lot of LGBT media, there will be a lot of LGBT-playing celebrities talking about LGBT stories, and today, the first day of the con, marks the one-year anniversary of The 1OO killing Lexa.

I’m not attending because of money, timing, and a handful of other reasons, but I wanted to take some time to talk to you all about this series--why I wrote the script, its relevance to you and your experiences, and why I think it’s worth your while.

How it all started.

BIFL is very loosely based on a Faking It fic I wrote a few years ago called full of that fire, and more or less my rebuttal to everything that frustrates me about that and other LGBT-centric series. I wanted characters that were diverse in gender and skin color and sexual orientation, dynamics (romantic and platonic) that were fully deserved and appreciated in canon, and storylines that felt both important and organic. No drama for drama’s sake, no being unnecessarily shitty, no glossing over emotional beats that deserved to breathe... the list goes on and on.

As personal as it gets.

I finished the first complete draft of the script the same night that a friend of mine passed away. Rather than put it away for a few weeks like you’re supposed to, I dove right back in; editing became my therapy, the characters my family, the BIFL world my safe space. Not a day went by that I didn’t touch FadeIn or reread a few scenes or video chat with someone to get their feedback; I buried myself in those pages.

And then Lexa was suddenly gone, and one-third of my support system (BIFL, Clexa, and twenty one pilots) eliminated, and I clung to BIFL more than ever. I put all my focus into the complete power and control I had over the characters and their stories, made sure to give everyone the textual time and care they deserved, refused to ever take the easy way out.

Representation.

The briefest way I can say it is that BIFL is for everyone. At least half of the main cast of six are intended to be people of color; they are queer, bi, pan, and gay; there’s an asexual nonbinary lesbian and a bisexual aromantic boy.

Jill is a mixture of Amy Raudenfeld, Matt Saracen, and myself--Good, always trying her best, but still thoroughly imperfect. Taylor is quiet but smart as hell, and wrestles with both general anxiety and her older sister’s patronizing, smothering ways. Chloe would do anything for the people she loves, but she forgets to let herself feel stuff sometimes. Sarah is the Mama Bear of the household, which they see as both a blessing and a curse. Oliver just wants everyone to be happy. Kyle... well, he’s the pansexual trash king.

I’ve written fics for Glee, for Faking It, for The 1OO, for Carmilla, for Person of Interest, and for Supergirl. You know my style, my emotional and storytelling priorities--now imagine those translated to an original narrative about mental illness and toxic relationships and intimacy and expectations and trust.

This is a script hand-tailored to fit what I want to see in LGBT media, and what I think we all deserve, and though there are no production plans yet, I hope that both the pilot and my words above might persuade you to get excited, to follow the blog/twitter/facebook, and/or spread the word about this project.