#because this is long enough already and I am definitely not an expert

[c-is-for-circinate]

Hey! I can help with this.

First: holy shit yeah no that might be a vague rule of thumb for snake bites but I would NOT count on it as diagnostic. Coral snakes are weird, rattlers (and others) don't always inject venom when they bite, and a lot of snakes have mild toxins in their saliva that won't do much more than irritate a human unless there's allergies involved. Also just for personal experience I have for sure been bit by a corn snake and because of the angle it was two pinpricks, so yeah. You're much better off looking for signs of swelling, redness, or (this is very bad!) blackening around the wound, and snake bite treatment is its own whole thing that you should be learning from a dedicated source if you're in a rural area where you expect it to happen. If you're expecting venomous snakes to be an issue where you live, it's also worth checking up on the symptoms of those specific local snake venoms, because neurotoxin vs hemotoxic vs necrotic venom can have pretty different effects and need very different treatments. (I am NOT enough of an expert to teach you those, please find a real one.)

In terms of evolutionary pressure: yes there's a drawback to developing venom! Venom is biochemically expensive to make, requiring a lot of proteins and energy. It's also way less useful than you'd think! Constrictor snakes are just fine at catching prey, generally, since a quick strike to grab and then suffocating your prey via squeeze is pretty effective all by itself. Hell, depending on diet venom may not even make sense: a snake that specializes in eating eggs isn't going to have much use for it; a snake that specializes in earthworms or snails doesn't need a venom that's good against mammals; very large snakes like anaconda would need huge amounts of venom to take down prey of appropriate size; and a king snake that specializes in eating other snakes then also has to have digestive immunity to a venom that directly targets species very similar to itself (which some do! but that's an additional expense).

The biochemical expense is also why many venomous snakes, including common domestic US venomous snakes like rattlers, can often choose whether to inject venom or not! A quick confirmatory Google scholar check suggests that we still don't know for sure why some species are more prone to "dry" (unvenomated) bites than others. There's evidence that defensive bites can carry either more venom (because predators are usually quite large and need far more venom to take down) or less venom (because the snake is not going to get a meal to replenish its energy) than feeding bites. Not seeing a paper on it right now from my 30-second 2am google, but I've been told by at least a couple of herpetologists that bites from baby rattlesnakes are actually more likely to be dangerous because they haven't learned to moderate their venom injection yet!

Anyway, snakes are much like spiders: some bites are barely noticeable, some can be deadly, and quite a few can fall in a middle zone of 'irritating, and could probably kill a mouse, but won't do too much damage to something as big as a human'. For example, the common Northern water snake is not venomous, but it's got a mildly hemotoxic saliva that makes their bites a little more annoyingly painful than your standard rat snake.

Anyway that was an overly long 3am infodump on snake venom that barely scratches the surface, but in my defense I have a masters degree in frog evolution that I literally never get to use these days and I miss herpetology. It's super interesting stuff!

hey can any snake special interest havers on this website tell me why all snakes dont have venom? is there some sort of hidden evolutionary cost to producing a magic liquid that does the work of killing stuff for you? because much like carnivorous plants that sounds pretty awesome and suspiciously devoid of possible drawbacks for the creature on paper.

this question comes courtesy of my emt textbook saying that all (wild) venomous snakes in the US will produce a bite that looks like two pinpricks, as opposed to nonvenomous snakes that will produce a horseshoe shaped bite. it says you can tell by looking at the bite if it might be dangerous or not using this distinction. is this true? and if so, are more teeth part of the price you pay for magic liquid that kills stuff for you?

[alotofpockets]

Fun facts | Grace Clinton x Reader

5k celebration prompt: “Do you ever run out of fun facts?”

Woso masterlist | Words: 1.4k

-----

A knock on your door interrupted your thoughts. For the past hour you had been debating your outfit, switching between a top every five minutes. But, the knock on your door meant that Grace was here to pick you up for your first date, so the top you were currently wearing had to be the one.

You quickly make your way to the door, not wanting to leave her waiting for too long. When you opened it, Grace’s face lit up. “You look amazing.” You feel your cheeks flushing, already by even such a small compliment. “Thank you, so do you.”

Grace moved into your apartment building a few weeks ago. The thick Liverpool accent had caught your attention instantly when you were making your way downstairs. None of the neighbours that you knew had that accent, so your curiosity was instantly triggered.

What you hadn’t expected to find around the corner was the contents of a moving box scattered over the hallway floor. “A single cardboard box can be reused 5 to 7 times before it starts to break down and lose its strength, yet here I am on my first use with my stuff scattered all across the hall.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at the unexpected commentary as you stepped around the corner. “I think you might’ve gotten the one box that has a vendetta against moving. Clearly it wasn’t cut out for this life.”

The girl looked up, startled but amused. “Ah, so it is the box’s fault, is it? Not my fault for not using proper packing rules, and putting more weight in it than you’re supposed to?”

Within ten seconds of meeting this stranger, you already loved her humour. You crouched down to help her pick up the scattered items. “I mean, who am I to argue with a moving box expert?”

She laughed at your joke, the sound of her laughter like music to your ears. Never had you imagined you’d be able to fall for a stranger so quickly. The way she so effortlessly joked around with you, made you want to get to know her better.

“Oh, I’m full of fascinating facts about boxes, and well just random facts in general. Stick around long enough, and you’ll learn loads!” She stood with her hands now filled with her items.

“Well, if this is how you introduce yourself to your new neighbours, I am definitely interested in sticking around for more. I’m y/n, by the way. Your neighbour who now knows more about moving boxes than she ever planned to.”

The girl chuckled. “Grace, the neighbour who might’ve just exposed her weirdest talent way too early.” With a smile and a shake of your head you say, “I think it’s cute.” You noticed the light flush of her cheeks before she quickly turned her face away from you. “What floor are you on? I’ll help carry your stuff up.”

Since that day the two of you have been chatting every day, whether it was face to face or over text, the two of you were connecting. It was instantly clear to the both of you that it wasn’t just a neighbourly or even just friendly connection, and you wanted to explore it more. 

So, Grace asked you out on a date and now here she is standing in front of your door. All your nerves faded away as you walked down together, and she started talking.

“Did you know that dates involving outdoor activities create stronger connections?” If you had learned one thing over the past few weeks is that Grace had a fun fact on just about every topic. “I didn’t, but it makes sense if you think about it.”

She agreed, “It’s why I wanted to grab some coffee to go and walk through the park on our way to what I have planned.”

“That sounds lovely, and also very adorable, telling me you want to have a stronger connection with me.” You smiled at her as you walked out of the apartment building.

Grace paid for your coffee, even if you told her that wasn’t fair because she was already paying for the rest of the date. “You can get them next time.”

“Oh, you already know that there will be a next time?” You said with an amused smile. “Around 66% of people say that they know within the first thirty minutes if they’re interested in a second date.”

You chuckled, of course she had a fun fact for that too. “Thirty minutes sounds doable for getting the vibe of a person, but Grace we’ve been out for like five minutes.” She smiles and shrugs, “I already knew before I knocked on your door.”

Gosh she was a smooth talker. “I think I may need the remaining twenty five minutes to decide.” You joked back, and the glint in her eyes was enough to make you cave in. “Fine, you got me. I was already thinking of what I could plan for our next date before you knocked on my door as well.”

You continued on your walk, sipping on your coffee, and talking with Grace. If you had only done this for the duration of the date, you would already have considered it a good date. Grace had more planned though, as she led you into town and you stopped in front of one of the buildings.

“Are we going to make pottery?” You asked as you took in the shop’s window. “Close, but no. We’re painting pottery.” Her smile grew when she saw the excitement on your face.

Once you were inside and you were all settled in at one of the tables, surrounded by a bunch of different pottery dishes, paints and brushes, Grace started speaking excitedly about pottery. “Did you know that pottery is one of the oldest human inventions, with the earliest known pieces dating back over 20,000 years?”

With a shake of your head you say, “Wow, that is so long. Isn’t it cool how some things stick around for so long?” She nodded, “Yeah, I love it.”

You decided on a mug for your first pottery piece, while Grace went for a bowl. You thought for a moment on what you wanted to paint on the mug, deciding on some tulips. After dipping your paint brush into the green paint, you fill the mug with the stems and leaves, leaving room to add the flowers in different colours.

“Did you know in the 17th century, tulips were so valuable in Holland that they were used as a currency?” At this point you weren’t even surprised by Grace’s random knowledge on all topics anymore. “That’s crazy, imagine getting coffee somewhere and just paying with tulips.”

“Yeah, it’s so weird to think about, right? They even named the period Tulip Mania.” With the new knowledge about tulips, you fill the already painted stems with red, orange, and pink tulip flowers. 

When you looked over to Grace’s bowl, she had filled the outside with small watermelon pieces, and she was now working on painting the inside of the bowl like the inside of a watermelon. 

“Yours looks so cool!” You say in awe. “Thank you! I love it, and yours too. Did you know that watermelons belong to the cucumber family? Technically they are classified as both a fruit and a vegetable!”

“Do you ever run out of fun facts?” You say with a soft chuckle. Amazed at her excitement over the classification of a watermelon.

“Oh, is it too much? I can stop.” She says taken back. You’re quick to reach out your hand and place it over hers. “Please never stop, I love it.” Her smile grew again. “Yeah?” You nod, “It’s so cool that you have all this random knowledge, and I love that you want to share it with me.”

The rest of the date was amazing, and like you had already said at the beginning of the date, a second date was definitely happening, and you couldn’t wait to plan something for her.

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[brunchable]

𝐌𝐫. 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭'𝐬 𝐃𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐫 | 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐎𝐧𝐞: Stucky x F!Reader

Part Two Pairings: Bucky Barnes x f!reader, Steve Rogers x f!reader | Daughter of Thaddeus Ross (Red Hulk) Words: 5.4K Themes: Forbidden Reader, Love Triangle, M for Mature, 18+ , Post-Endgame, AGE GAP (24y/o reader). Summary: Bucky Barnes expected another typical therapy session, but the moment he meets Y/N, a sharp and unflinching therapist who doesn’t back down, everything changes. Used to keeping people at arm’s length, Bucky finds himself intrigued by her resilience and the way she sees right through his walls. A/N: I am also obsessed with Bucky ok? I can't leave him out. I will not use "chapter" for now because IDEK how long this will be. Let me know if you want to be tagged. Ciao.

Bucky entered the therapist’s office, expecting the usual routine with Dr. Raynor. But when he saw a younger woman sitting on the couch, legs crossed, glasses perched on her nose, he froze. She was scribbling in a notebook, completely absorbed in whatever she was writing. His eyes swept over her—pencil skirt, white blouse with the top two buttons undone. Definitely not Raynor.

Raynor was a pain in the ass enough, but now they're throwing this at me? Bucky thought, his jaw tightening as he watched her quietly scribble in her notebook. He wasn’t sure if this was some kind of test or another attempt to “catch him off guard.” His whole life had been one test after another, and this—this felt like just another trick up their sleeve.

Great, he thought bitterly, as if I haven’t been poked and prodded enough. Now I’m supposed to open up to someone who probably just finished med school.

The calm way she sat there, so sure of herself, made him itch with irritation. He couldn’t figure her out, and he hated that. Was she here to push him harder than Raynor? Or was this just another bureaucratic move to switch things up, like changing therapists would suddenly crack him open? 

What’s next? A therapy dog? His mind was racing, constantly searching for the next hit, the next blow. He felt like they were always trying to break him down bit by bit, like he was still their weapon. 

But this? This is just insulting. He didn’t know what to make of her, or what she could possibly do for him, but his instincts were already screaming to keep his guard up, to watch her carefully. There was always something more to these situations. Always a catch.

"Did they lose my file or something?" Bucky raised an eyebrow, smirking. "You don’t look old enough to be out of med school, let alone help me with… this." His words came out dripping with sarcasm, testing her right from the start.

Y/N didn’t look up immediately, taking her time as she finished writing something in her notebook. When she finally met his gaze, she adjusted her glasses slightly, then pointed to the couch with her eyes.

"I assure you, Sergeant Barnes, you’re in the right place," she said, her voice calm and even. "If you’d like to sit down, we can get started."

Bucky paused, the smirk still playing on his lips. He scanned the room, as if making sure he hadn’t walked into the wrong office, then sauntered toward the couch opposite her. He dropped down, stretching out his legs lazily, crossing his arms over his chest, still eyeing her with playful suspicion.

"Right place, huh? Are you sure about that?" He chuckled. "Didn’t realize they sent kids to do the hard jobs these days."

"Lucky for you, I’m not a kid. But if you’re hoping for someone older, I’m sure you can take it up with the front desk. Or we could just get started, your call."

Bucky’s smirk widened slightly, impressed by the way she shot back at him. He leaned back on the couch, arms crossed. "Alright then, since you’re apparently the expert. What’s the plan here? Gonna wave a magic wand, make all my problems go away?"

Y/N raised an eyebrow, meeting his sarcasm head-on. "No magic wand. Just work. But something tells me you’re not afraid of a little hard work, are you?"

That caught him off guard. He was used to deflecting with humor, but she wasn’t backing down. In fact, she seemed perfectly comfortable in this verbal sparring match.

"Hard work, huh?" He leaned forward slightly, his tone softening but still sarcastic. "And here I thought you were here to hand me a quick fix."

Y/N smiled ever so slightly, just enough to show she wasn’t intimidated. "I don’t do quick fixes. That’s for amateurs."

Bucky stared at her for a moment, genuinely impressed despite himself. He had expected someone more nervous, someone he could easily rattle. But this woman? She wasn’t having any of it.

"Alright, doc," he said, nodding slightly, acknowledging her stance. "You’ve got my attention. What’s next?"

Y/N adjusted her glasses, flipping a page in her notebook. "Next? We talk about your progress. Or, we can sit here in silence while you continue throwing sarcastic remarks at me. I’m good with either option."

"You think I’m just gonna spill my guts? It doesn’t work like that."

"I didn’t expect it to.”

"I’m fine with silence.”

Bucky muttered, his eyes flicking to the window as if contemplating an escape. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about himself. Especially not with someone like her—someone so young and… focused.

Leaning forward slightly, his playful look faded into something darker—a cold, calculating stare. His blue eyes locked onto hers, hard and unblinking, as he gave her the same menacing look that had unnerved countless soldiers and enemies. It was the stare that said he wasn’t someone to mess with.

Most people would have flinched by now, maybe glanced away or shown some kind of discomfort. But Y/N didn’t move. She didn’t flinch. She met his icy stare head-on, calm and unwavering.

Seconds ticked by then into minutes. Bucky’s gaze bore into hers, daring her to crack under the pressure. But she didn’t blink. Didn’t shift in her seat. She held his stare, unshaken.

As Bucky realized she wasn’t going to back down. He clenched his jaw tighter, leaning in even more, his menacing stare intensifying. And still—nothing. Y/N just stared back at him. After what felt like an eternity, Bucky scoffed, the sound low and begrudgingly amused. He leaned back into the couch, letting out a breath.

"Well, I’ll be damned," he muttered, clearly impressed. His smirk returned, but this time, it was less mocking and more intrigued. "You didn’t even blink."

"I’ve seen worse," she shrugged.

"Most people can’t handle the stare," he said, a hint of admiration creeping into his voice. Bucky stared at her for a moment longer, still processing that she hadn’t buckled under his intimidation. 

"I’m not most people," Y/N replied, her gaze still locked on his.

"You’re not, huh?” Bucky let out another short scoff, a faint grin tugging at the corner of his mouth. 

For a moment, they just stared at each other, the tension between them gradually easing. Bucky leaned forward, rubbing his hands together as if contemplating his next move.

"Alright," he finally muttered, his voice quieter now, the edge of defiance softening. "Let’s get started."

× × × ×

Bucky walked down the street, hands deep in his pockets, his mind still stuck on the therapy session with Y/N. He couldn't shake the image of her holding her ground against his menacing stare. Most people crumbled under that.

He was impressed. Hell, maybe even a little thrown off by it.

He reached a small café, the door chimed as he walked in. He’d been coming here for weeks, liking how quiet it was. Bucky slid into a booth in the corner, the furthest one from the entrance, his usual spot. The place was small, quiet—barely anyone noticed him here. That was what he liked. No eyes following him. No whispers.

As he sat down, he glanced at the menu out of habit, though he already knew what he wanted. He tapped his fingers against the table, feeling the hum of anxiety still coursing through him. His thoughts wandered back to Y/N’s. Her refusal to let him dictate the session. It had been a long time since someone had stood their ground with him.

“Same as usual?” the waitress asked.

He nodded. “Yeah. Same.”

The door chimed again, and out of reflex, Bucky glanced up. His eyes landed on her—Y/N. But she was different now. She was dressed in a casual sweater and jeans, her hair down, and the serious, composed demeanor was nowhere to be found. She looked relaxed. For a moment, Bucky frowned. Was this the same woman from earlier?

She hadn’t noticed him yet, busy ordering her coffee at the counter. As she turned, their eyes met, and for a split second, surprise flickered in her gaze. Then she smiled. 

It wasn’t a polite, professional smile like the one she had in the office—it was real, warm. Bucky had to admit, she was even more beautiful when she smiled like that. She made her way over to him, her expression soft and light, a stark contrast to how she’d been before.

“Sergeant Barnes,” she greeted with an amused smile. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Didn’t expect to see you either. You got a twin or something?” Bucky leaned back, trying to hide the fact that her smile had thrown him. He gave her a skeptical look, still trying to wrap his mind around the shift in her demeanor.

Y/N raised an eyebrow, her smile widening. “Nope. Just me.”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “You sure? Because you’re not exactly giving off the same ‘don’t mess with me’ vibe as you did earlier.”

“I save that for the office.” She laughed lightly, the sound catching him off guard again.

Bucky blinked, still half-convinced she had to be a different person. “You’re… different outside of work.”

Y/N smiled again, and Bucky couldn’t help but notice how that smile completely transformed her. The serious, no-nonsense therapist was gone. 

“Therapist mode can be intense,” she said, settling into the seat across from him. “Gotta decompress too, you know.”

“Decompress, huh?” Bucky muttered, still eyeing her. “I wasn’t sure you even knew how to.”

“Oh, trust me, I do,” she said with a grin. “You think I’m a robot in the office?”

“Was starting to wonder. . .”

She laughed again, shaking her head as she took a sip of her coffee. “Nope. Just human.”

Bucky stared at her for a moment, taking in how much more approachable she seemed now. The difference between the Y/N sitting across from him now and the one who had held her ground in the office was stark. He hadn’t expected to see her like this—relaxed, smiling, laughing. It was almost disarming.

“You’re hard to figure out,” he said, still trying to process the shift.

She shrugged lightly. “That’s part of the job, isn’t it?”

They sat in a comfortable silence for a while, the sounds of the café filling the space. Bucky glanced at her again, her soft smile lingering in his mind. He wasn’t sure why, but seeing her like this, outside of the serious office atmosphere, made him feel… at ease.

Eventually, Y/N glanced at her watch. “I should get going. Got other plans.”

Bucky nodded. “Yeah, same.”

She stood, grabbing her cup. She paused for a moment, then gave him one last smile—a sweet one, the kind that lit up her whole face, making her seem even more different than the woman who had stared him down earlier.

“See you at the next session?” she asked.

Bucky chuckled, half-joking, "Hm, I don’t know."

Her smile didn’t waver. If anything, it deepened, her eyes holding him with a quiet confidence. "I will see you, Sergeant Barnes," she said, her voice more insistent this time, not leaving room for doubt.

Bucky raised an eyebrow, shaking his head slightly, "What’s the point of asking then?”

As she walked out of the café, Bucky leaned back in his seat, shaking his head with a small smile. She had completely thrown him. Her smile, her relaxed demeanor—it was all so different from what he’d expected. For a moment, he wondered if she really did have a twin. But then again, maybe she was just someone with more layers than he’d first realized.

And he found himself eager to know more.

× × × ×

Steve Rogers wasn’t sure how he had gotten talked into this. Well, actually, he knew exactly how—Sam Wilson had dragged him along to this party, claiming Steve needed to “loosen up” and enjoy life more. But standing in the middle of a loud, flashing room with music pounding in his ears, Steve wondered if he should have pushed harder to stay home.

"Come on, Cap," Sam had said with a mischievous grin as they walked through the entrance earlier. "You’ve been in retirement long enough. Time to see what the world’s been up to while you were busy saving it."

Steve stood near the bar now, trying to blend in, his eyes scanning the room. People were dancing wildly, laughing, and having fun in the swirling haze of strobe lights. It was a far cry from the kinds of parties he had attended back in the 1940s—those had been calm, slow, and filled with small talk and jazz music. 

This? This was chaos.

Steve shifted uncomfortably. He had barely touched his drink when Sam elbowed him from the side, laughing. “You look like you’re plotting an escape route. Relax, Cap. Have fun.”

Before Steve could respond, Sam was swept into the crowd by some friends, leaving Steve standing alone by the bar. Even in the anonymity of the darkened room, Steve still attracted attention. His broad shoulders, strong jawline, and quietly confident presence drew glances from several women who were passing by. The strobe lights occasionally highlighted his features, and more than a few curious eyes lingered on him as he stood by the bar.

“Hey there,” she said, leaning in slightly, her voice loud to be heard over the music. “You look like you’re way too good-looking to be standing here alone.”

Steve smiled politely, keeping his distance. “Just here with some friends,” he said, not giving much away.

She stepped a little closer, her eyes lingering on him. “Well, maybe I could keep you company?”

Steve chuckled softly, shaking his head. “Thanks, but I’m good. Just enjoying the night.”

She looked a little surprised but shrugged it off with a casual smile. “Your loss,” she said with a wink, before disappearing back into the crowd.

Steve let out a small breath, his shoulders relaxing as she left. He wasn’t here for that kind of attention, though it seemed inevitable. He glanced around, hoping to spot Sam or Bucky, but before he could move, another woman approached.

He was just about to step away from the bar when another woman, a petite brunette with a mischievous smile, appeared beside him. 

“I’ve seen you reject at least ten girls in the last ten minutes,” she said, her voice teasing. “Either you’ve got impossibly high standards or you’re just too shy to admit you’re having fun.”

Steve chuckled, shaking his head. “Neither, really. Just here with some friends. Trying to keep a low profile.”

She raised an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced. “A guy like you, keeping a low profile? Good luck with that.”

Steve smiled, nodding toward the crowd. “Seems like it’s working so far.”

The woman laughed, but before she could say more, the crowd surged again, and someone bumped into Steve, almost spilling his drink. 

“Sorry about that,” a voice said, half-shouting over the music.

Steve turned and caught a glimpse of another woman, this one different from the others. She was barely recognizable in the strobe lights, her features blurred by the darkness, but something about the way she carried herself caught his attention. She didn’t linger too long on him, and didn't try too hard. Her smile was brief but real.

“No problem,” Steve replied, raising his voice to be heard over the music. 

“Not your scene?” she asked, leaning a little closer to be heard.

“Not exactly,” Steve admitted, putting a finger in to cover one ear.

She laughed lightly, stepping closer, her eyes catching the light for a brief second. “Same. My friend dragged me here. I’m pretty sure she thinks I need to ‘loosen up’.”

“Guess we’re in the same boat,” Steve said, feeling a bit more at ease. She had a warmth in her voice, even amidst the chaos.

Before either of them could say more, a group of partygoers surged by, and one of them grabbed Y/N’s hand, pulling her toward the dance floor. She was caught off guard, stumbling a bit before turning back toward Steve, her hand still caught in the wave.

“Come on!” she shouted over the music, her face lit up with a playful grin.

“No—I don’t think—”

Steve hesitated. He wasn’t much of a dancer—especially not in a place like this—but before he could protest, Y/N grabbed his hand, tugging him into the crowd. The pulsing rhythm of the music pounded in his chest as they were swept into the moving mass of people. The lights flashed wildly, and before Steve knew it, he was dancing, caught up in the infectious energy of the room.

Y/N laughed as they moved, her hand still in his, and Steve found himself smiling despite the overwhelming atmosphere. The strobe lights flickered, casting everything in flashes of light and shadow, and for a moment, it was easy to forget who he was, to forget the weight he usually carried.

Steve didn’t have time to react before he found himself right behind her, the sea of people pushing them closer together. The music pounded through the room, the heavy bass vibrating under their feet. Steve felt her back press against his chest, her body swaying in time with the beat.

The lights flashed, casting her in and out of shadow, but Steve was caught in the moment. She moved to the music effortlessly, her hips swinging in rhythm, her back brushing against him with every movement. He felt the warmth of her body through his shirt, the closeness sparking something inside him he hadn’t expected.

The lyrics of the song echoed through the room: “I, I, I, I just want to watch you when you take it off, take off all your makeup, baby, take it off. . . I just wanna watch you when you take it off, take off all your clothes and watch you take them off.”

Y/N's body moved in perfect sync with the music, and Steve, despite his hesitation, found himself falling into the rhythm. Her hips pressed against him, swaying seductively in time with the beat. He hesitated for a moment before resting his hands lightly on her hips, unsure but drawn in by the intensity of the moment.

The crowd pushed them even closer together, and Steve’s grip on her hips tightened instinctively. She didn’t pull away; instead, she leaned into him, moving her body against his, teasing, playful, completely in tune with the energy of the music. Her head tilted slightly, her hair brushing against his neck, and Steve felt his pulse quicken.

She bit her lower lip, glancing back at him through the lights, a playful spark in her eyes. Steve’s breath caught, his hands sliding up slightly from her waist as their bodies continued to move together. The energy between them was electric, like nothing he’d ever felt before. The music drowned out everything but the pounding of his heart and the feel of her body so close to his.

Suddenly, the crowd pushed them even closer, and in the heat of the moment, Y/N turned her head slightly, her lips brushing against his cheek. It was a brief touch, but it sent a shock through him. His grip tightened on her hips, and before either of them could think, their movements slowed, the tension between them peaking.

“I just can't wait to see it all I'm so turned on”

Y/N turned her head fully, her lips finding his in a fast, unexpected kiss. His lips were unexpectedly soft. They parted-in surprise, she thought and then she slipped her tongue inside. It had been forever since she'd done this, never had she done this, but it came to her like breathing. It was electric, quick, but charged with the energy of the moment. 

Steve’s world narrowed to just the two of them—the music, the lights, the crowd—all vanished as her lips met his. He stopped her, just for a moment, then flipped it, deepening the kiss with a flick of his tongue and a firm grip on her hip. Now it was him kissing her, her soft sigh filling the space between them. He responded with heat, his desire matching the unexpected pleasure he found in her.

The kiss only lasted a moment, but it left both of them breathless. Y/N pulled back, her eyes wide with surprise, like she hadn’t expected it either. They were still close, her breath mingling with his as they caught their bearings.

Before either of them could speak, Y/N's friends found her and pulled her with them unaware of Steve, and she was swept away, disappearing into the throng of dancers. Steve stood there, frozen for a second, his heart still racing from the kiss, his hands still tingling from where he’d touched her.

He blinked, trying to steady himself, but she was already gone, lost in the mass of people. The music still pounded around him, the lights still flashed, but all Steve could focus on was the ghost of her lips on his and the wild, unexpected energy of the night.

Steve shook his head, still trying to process what had just happened. The kiss, the way her body had fit so perfectly against his—it was all too new, too different. The way young people dance these days, he thought, he can’t believe he allowed himself to be dragged like that. It was nothing like what he was used to. He exhaled slowly, needing a moment to collect his thoughts. Pushing through the crowd, he scanned the room for Sam. He was going to get an earful for this.

Steve spotted Sam by the bar, laughing with a couple of friends, and beside him was Bucky, nursing a drink and quietly observing the room. Steve made his way over, still feeling the lingering heat of the moment and trying his best to shake it off.

Sam noticed him approaching and immediately grinned, raising his drink in greeting. “There he is! Our man of the hour!” Sam shouted over the music, his voice laced with amusement.

Bucky raised an eyebrow, his expression more reserved but no less curious.

“I don’t know about that,” Steve rolled his eyes, but there was no hiding the slight flush still creeping up his neck. 

Sam’s grin widened as he leaned in closer. “Come on, Cap, you’ve got that look on your face. What happened?”

Steve hesitated for a moment, debating whether or not to tell them. But Sam already knew him too well, and Bucky… well, there was no escaping his sharp gaze either.

“Nothing,” Steve said with a shrug, hoping to play it off.

“Uh-huh,” Sam said, narrowing his eyes. 

“Nothing, huh?” He took a sip of his drink, but the teasing gleam in his eyes was unmistakable. “Didn’t look like ‘nothing’ when I saw you on the dance floor with… what’s her name?”

Steve’s eyes widened slightly, “You saw that?”

Sam burst out laughing, slapping Steve on the shoulder. “Oh, I saw it. The whole room probably saw it! You were practically glued to her!”

Steve groaned, rubbing his forehead. “It wasn’t like that.”

Sam raised an eyebrow, still grinning. “Oh, really? Because from where I was standing, it looked like you were having a little too much fun.”

Steve shot him a glare, but the way Sam wiggled his eyebrows made it impossible to stay serious. 

Bucky, still quiet, finally smirked. “You’re not exactly blending into the background there, punk.”

“It just… happened, alright?” Steve admitted, his voice trailing off as he tried to explain. “We were dancing, and the crowd kept pushing us together. And then…”

“And then you kissed her!” Sam finished for him, laughing again. “Oh man, Cap, I didn’t know you had it in you.”

“I didn’t kiss her! She kissed me! It just happened—like in the heat of the moment.”

“Yeah, because ‘heat of the moment’ sounds nothing like you.” Bucky chuckled, finally downing his alcohol.

Steve shot him a look, “Who's side are you on?”

“The ‘heat of the moment’? You mean to tell me you got caught up in the lights and music and had your little dance-floor moment? That’s priceless!” Sam was practically doubled over with laughter now.

“It wasn’t like that. I didn’t even know her.” Steve couldn’t help but crack a smile despite the teasing. 

Sam straightened up, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye. “Doesn’t matter, man. That’s what makes it even better! You don’t know her, and you still ended up in some steamy dance-floor kiss? That’s wild for you.”

Steve groaned again, but the smile tugging at his lips was undeniable.

“Well, I’ll say this,” Sam said, leaning in closer with a sly grin. “You’re full of surprises, Cap. I thought you’d be sitting in a corner all night, but instead, you’re out here stealing kisses in the middle of a crowd.”

“Okay, fine. It was… unexpected. But I wasn’t exactly complaining.”

Sam raised both eyebrows in mock surprise. “Unexpected, huh? Is that what we’re calling it when you’re practically glued to someone in the middle of a party? I mean, the way you two were moving—if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were auditioning for a music video.”

Steve sighed, but a part of him couldn’t help but feel amused at the whole situation. He never expected to get caught up in something like that. 

“I didn’t even get her name,” he said, almost to himself.

Bucky tilted his head. “Classic.”

Sam’s grin softened into a knowing smile. “Well, maybe that’s the universe telling you it’s time to loosen up a little. Enjoy the ride.”

Steve smirked, shaking his head. “Maybe.”

Sam clapped him on the back again. “Look, Cap, you’ve spent your whole life saving the world. You deserve to have moments like that. Maybe even more than most people.”

Steve couldn’t argue with that. The memory of her lips on his, the way their bodies had moved together—it wasn’t something he was likely to forget anytime soon.

Sam raised his glass in a mock toast. “Here’s to Captain America, finally letting loose.”

“I don’t think I’m cut out for this.” Steve chuckled and clinked his glass against Sam and Bucky's.

“You’re doing just fine, Cap,” Sam said with a wink. “Just fine.”

+ + + +

Y/N’s heels clicked against the smooth marble floors of the mansion’s foyer as she unlocked the door and stepped inside. The security system beeped, and she casually entered the code, the familiar beep fading into silence. The house was large, quiet, and pristine—almost too quiet after the chaos of the party.

She kicked off her heels, phone pressed to her ear as she continued her animated conversation with her best friend.

“I’m telling you, it was insane,” Y/N laughed, still buzzing from the energy of the night. “I don’t even know how I ended up on the dance floor, but there I was, dancing like I had no care in the world. And, oh my god, there was this guy...”

She paused, biting her lip at the memory of the mysterious man she’d danced with. The lights had made it impossible to see him clearly, but the way he moved, how his hands had felt on her hips—it sent a thrill through her just thinking about it.

“I didn’t catch his name,” she continued, flopping onto the plush couch in the living room. “But we were so close, and when we kissed... girl, I don’t even know what came over me.”

Her friend gasped on the other end of the line, clearly invested in every word. “Wait, you kissed him? Who are you right now?”

“I don’t know!” Y/N laughed again—almost squealing, “It was one of those wild party moments, you know? The music was loud, people were everywhere, and then—boom—his lips were on mine.”

“Omg, didn’t you get his number?”

“No.” She frowned then she smiled to herself, enjoying the carefree thrill of the memory. “Honestly, I thought I’d regret it, but no. Imagine that? My dad would kill me.”

As she continued recounting the night, a slight rustling from the other side of the room made her pause. Y/N looked up, her heart skipping a beat as she realized she wasn’t alone. In the doorway stood Thaddeus Ross, her father, arms crossed and an eyebrow raised.

He cleared his throat loudly, the sound cutting through the excited chatter still flowing from her phone. Y/N froze for a moment, her eyes widening as she realized she’d been caught mid-party recap in her usually reserved father’s presence.

Her friend’s voice buzzed in her ear, still going on about the party, but Y/N quickly pulled the phone away, muttering, “I’ll call you back,” before hanging up. The excitement drained from her face, replaced by a nervous smile.

“Dad,” Y/N greeted, forcing a casual smile. “Didn’t know you’d be home.”

“Apparently, you didn’t. Sounded like quite the party.” Thaddeus Ross narrowed his eyes slightly, stepping further into the room.

Y/N stood, suddenly aware of how much she’d let herself unwind. She straightened her clothes and tried to appear nonchalant. “It was just a party with some friends. No big deal.”

Thaddeus arched an eyebrow. “Friends?”

“Yeah, friends. You know, just... normal people.” Y/N shrugged, trying to downplay the whole thing.

Thaddeus studied her for a moment, his eyes sharp, as if trying to piece together the details she hadn’t given him. 

“I see,” he finally said, his tone unreadable. “It sounded a bit more... involved than your usual nights out.”

Y/N swallowed, brushing off the heat rising in her cheeks. “It was just for fun, Dad. Nothing to worry about.”

He didn’t respond immediately, just gave her a long, assessing look. 

“You know how important it is to keep certain parts of your life secure, Y/N,” he said in that familiar, commanding tone of his. “People might take advantage if they know too much about who you really are.”

Y/N gave him a playful smile, trying to brush off his seriousness. “Dad, I’m 24. I should be out there kissing strangers at parties by now, right?”

Thaddeus didn’t smile. He simply sighed, crossing his arms tighter over his chest. 

“I wasn’t wearing a neon sign that said ‘Mr. President’s Daughter’ on it. It was just a party. I’m allowed to have fun.” Y/N rolled her eyes, her tone still light but more pointed now.

Thaddeus didn’t seem to be swayed by her attempt to joke. “Having fun is one thing, but keeping yourself safe is another. You may think these parties are harmless, but they aren’t always what they seem.”

“Dad, relax. I know how to keep myself out of trouble. I mean, come on, I live here, don’t I? No one’s getting past your fortress.” Y/N sighed, but her smile remained. 

Thaddeus gave her a long, measured look, as if deciding how much more to say. Finally, he relented just slightly, his voice softening. “It’s not just about the security, Y/N. It’s about the people you surround yourself with.”

Y/N softened her tone too, standing up to face him. “I get it, Dad. I know you’re just looking out for me, but I’m not going to live in fear. I can take care of myself.”

Thaddeus didn’t reply right away, his eyes flicking to the security system panel before returning to her. “Just... be careful. Not everyone you meet at those parties will have good intentions.”

“I know, Dad. I promise I’ll be careful.” Y/N nodded, her earlier playfulness giving way to a more serious understanding. 

Thaddeus gave a short nod, clearly not fully convinced but unwilling to push the conversation any further tonight. “Good. Just remember what I said.”

He turned and left the room, leaving Y/N standing there with the lingering weight of his words. As the tension dissolved, she let out a small laugh, shaking her head. “I’m 24,” she muttered to herself, smiling at the absurdity of the situation.

“I heard that!” Thaddeus yelled from another area of the house.

“You were supposed to!” 

Despite everything, the memory of the night—the music, the dancing, the kiss—still played in her mind, and she couldn’t help but smile.

Next Chapter

[negrowhat]

I loved your discussion of Payu and Rain’s d/s dynamic; can you do it for Johann and North? I feel like Johann likes power play but in a really gentle way, and North might not initiate it but seems willing and responsive to that kind of play as well. It’s super cute.

Hey friend!!! JohanNorth have quite the dynamic...one that I very much enjoy. Again I would like to say I'm no expert in D/s as a kink, and that's not what this post is going to be like anyway.

I want you to know I typed this up, and deleted it, and typed it up again several times because I was starting to ramble and this was getting long af. I am going to insert a page break so people can scroll if they want to.

Let's talk about it.

I think JohanNorth's whole dynamic is very much give and take. Or more like, 'I'm giving you me please take me and give yourself to me in return.' "ALL OF ME LOVES ALL OF YOU" type vibe. Please sing that in John Legend's voice or you won't understand.

JohanNorth's beginning feels like a Dom/sub thing but in the end it changes to something completely different. Not everyone goes into a relationship feeling 100% comfortable with each other.

Johan had more time to have his feelings for North develop because he spent so much time falling in love and being there for North when North had no idea who he was. So by the time Johan was granted access to approach North he was already level-minded and clear headed. He was solid. That meant he could focus everything on North.

He was so ready to handle North's bar fight situation in away that would pull his most precious boy right into his awaiting orbit. It did help that Johan had so many people in his corner who knew the dedication he had to North.

I think once Johan got over the major hurtle of letting his feelings be known to North he was ready to play hard ball, no more holding back. He confessed and gauged North's reaction to him. North was excited about the confession. He was happy to know someone as kind and as capable as Johan would be so into him. That gave Johan the greenlight he needed to advance.

I don't think Johan's into power play exactly, I think in the beginning he asserts some level of power to draw out North's confidence in him and their relationship. I think he used some more aggressive tactics to kind of push North out of his comfort zone so he could get used to being in a relationship with him.

Like in the beginning we definitely see Johan be more dominant, and take control of their relationship's progression, but as soon as North starts to return some of that assertive energy Johan starts to mellow out. I think he was treating North how he wanted to be treated in return. And when they reach a stable emotional plane Johan becomes softer, sweeter, and more vulnerable.

Ultimately Johan wanted North to be possessive and selfish with him. He wanted North to take from him. He wanted to give himself to North. And he wanted to take North for himself in return.

Speaking of possession; Johan is physical in a way that SCREAMS 'I'm obsessed with you. I want to possess you. You belong to me.' The way he kisses North??? The way he devours his lips? That hand that ALWAYS finds it's way around his throat? The tie yanks? The hair pulls? It's like he can't get enough of North. It's like if he lets North go, he'll vanish. He's obsessed.

Also the way he just holds onto North. He wraps himself around the boy. And once North is settled there he will not let the boy go. That whole scene in the café where he pulls North into his lap and just traps him there. They would need the jaws of life to pry his arms from around that boy and what does North do? Allows it. He always does. He likes it when Johan treats him like a big ole teddy bear. Holding onto him tightly, kissing him whenever he feels like it. North loves it, he's usually smiling about it, hands placed obediently over Johan's.

Let's talk about the little transactional method Johan established with North. I love it. It's another habit he's formed to kind of pull North out of his comfort zone...maybe depend on him a little more. I love that he shamelessly offers to pay North for his time and affection and attention. A kiss? A hug? A cute lil video? Smexy time? He's willing to PAY for everything North does because he wants everything from him. He wants North to feel like he can express himself however he wants to.

Going back to Johan wanting North to be more selfish with him. I think that's why he kind of conditioned North to exchange kisses in return for him fulfilling requests. It's ok for North to ask anything of Johan but he also wants North to feel okay with being affectionate with him and asking or demanding some affection in return. Johan asks for the simplest of kisses for payment and he will fill North's every desire and answer every question.

I think Johan wanted to get out of the habit of asking North, "What do you want from me?" and get him into the habit of asking for it on his own. Like when he coaxes North into asking him to take the lead when they kiss. Instead of Johan having to ask, "Do you want me to kiss you?" he would prefer if North asks, "Can you kiss me?" You know? Be more proactive.

If North wants something from Johan he only needs to ask and be confident with it and Johan is ready to serve. He doesn't want North to feel any sort of negative way for wanting to take from him because everything he has is for North. Also this way he gets to enjoy more kisses from those lips he loves so much.

North is the kind of guy who wants to take care of himself and solve all issues on his own. He's willing to work THREE jobs on top of school to take care of his business. So of course he finds it hard to ask Johan for anything. He finds it hard to tell Johan when he's having a problem. He doesn't want to bother him, he doesn't want to upset, and above all he doesn't want to burden him. Johan treats him so well and he is too fearful to ask for more from him. And I'm sure he's worried that Johan may think he's together with him for all the wrong reasons.

Even if Johan is literally throwing money at him for existing and buying up all his workplaces so he can be the one to take care of North one way or another. Even if Johan is increasing his own workload so he can take over his father's company faster so he can provide for North. Even if Johan moves North into his condo to take away one less expense in the boy's life.

I appreciate that the people around Johan took time to explain to North about how a lot of what Johan does is for the benefit of him. And honestly it's things Johan would tell North if he just asked him. Johan doesn't seem like he wants to keep anything from North but he wants North to want to know. Like while Johan went to Boston and North was missing him so much, but he was too afraid to reach out. He didn't want to disturb Johan he knew he was working. But thanks to their friends, North got to learn that Johan was missing him just as much. Johan even cut his trip short because he didn't want North to be sad from missing him. Since North was still so unwilling to be selfish with him, Johan had to take that initiative to return to him instead.

I love that we get to see North learn that he can ask from Johan and take from him and depend on him and need him. Johan is the king of 'Acts of Service' and I'm glad by the end of things North got to see that. There isn't anything Johan would not do for North.

As North becomes more confident in himself and his feelings and his place by Johan's side we begin to see North willingly show his feelings. He begins to show his concerns for Johan. He wants to help Johan relax and be at ease, even if it means just being in his presence. He begins to show more casual intimacy. More pecks on the cheek, and leaning into Johan, and cuddling with him. He shows a softer side. A cuter side. A more docile side. He seems to be more calm around Johan and more considerate of what he wants from him.

I love when North gives Johan his gear. We all know how monumental that is. He essentially gives Johan the biggest part of himself, his heart. And entrusting his gear to Johan means that he trusts his heart and himself with Johan. He trusts that Johan will take care of his heart. It's a beautiful moment that holds so much weight, especially for someone like Johan who has been waiting for North for years. And I love that we get to see Johan proudly display that gear in a way that says, 'He gave me his heart and I belong to him in return.' The gear is not just an item to keep on a shelf or in a box. It's something he takes with him everywhere like their love for each other. Johan can't just put the gear down. It and North belongs to him now.

In that one scene where Drunk North shows his ownership of Johan, I think that day was like Christmas for Johan. To see his sweet and budding North show such strong possessiveness over him? It must have been so satisfying to experience.

And you can really tell Johan enjoyed it. He kept North's eye contact and he answered him directly and gently, just for North's ears. He didn't even pay attention to that woman. AND WHEN NORTH CLIMBED INTO HIS LAP AND SAID JOHAN WAS HIS?? To be outright claimed? I think Johan could've died and ascended to heaven. Nothing else and no one else mattered in that moment. He was North's and only North's. Oh to be possessed by someone.

I think Johan knew that from then on North would feel more inclined to express his ownership which what he wanted from day one. He wanted them both to feel like they belonged to each other.

I'm sorry this still got long.

[luigiblood]

The Switch 2 Hardware Reveal "disappointment"

I know I shouldn't be bothered for this, but seeing reactions from press and people just somewhat made me angry. There are definitely things to say in how Nintendo may not have revealed enough for sure, like, don't get me wrong about it, I think that's the part that could be debated the most, but I think it's not really worth debating about that too much.

I don't think we are all meant to be marketing video reviewers. Nintendo has showed what they wanted to show, and as far as my reaction is concerned, I think it was okay. Sure they didn't show too much, but I'm still happy to see a Switch 2 that's way more practical than what's currently going on with a clear comparison point. There are things hardware wise that I'm pretty excited for.

But if there's one reaction that I would understand a lot better than "disappointment" it's "nothing", more of the reaction of not really feeling anything because your interest is not on the hardware, it's on the software. You wanna hear about the games instead, and how it would change from the previous system (or not, even), and I think that's way way more understandable and acceptable to me.

Where's the surprise?

But disappointed because nothing was a surprise? I learned all of the leaks, I knew just about everything about the hardware already, and you don't somehow feel some sort of relief of having a proper look? Personally I was pretty content with it even if they didn't show too much and that's the one critic I could repeat many times and would 100% agree with. If that's also the excuse, then here's my question to the press: Why do you share all these leaks all the time?

I am still critical of whole "surprise management" myself. I love surprises too, but what I am interested in is more long term. I personally do not understand how people are suddenly "oh it's just like the leaks" and then somehow that means no reaction? Because the reaction came before the announcement and somehow you don't react when you see it officially? Come on. I don't think this is sane. We're not talking about the plot twist to a story, we're talking about marketing.

The hate was there from the beginning

Also uh… remember when a lot of people hated on the Switch 1 after its reveal? I sure remember the journalists and the tech nerds hating on it. Taking into example the Wii U because that was the last thing around from Nintendo at that moment, but it's happening again with Switch 2, now taking the Switch 1's success as a reasoning. I don't think the previous console was ever a real factor.

Meanwhile a lot of people who were more like me, just gamers enjoying games, were very fans of it and we were certain of its success, and that Nintendo took lessons from the Wii U very darn well. And now people are rewriting history and saying most people were hating on the Switch? Really? Should I remind the absolute success it was at launch? The sales don't speak in their favor.

Nothing has changed. You're dealing with the overarching vision of "experts," which are nothing more than a minority thinking they're the majority.

Where's the revolution?

Sometimes I see a comparison with the Switch 1 Reveal but I just think it's dishonest and really misunderstood. The Switch 1 reveal video was brilliant in conveying us the point of the concept: Having a system that can go between TV, tabletop and portable, with quite a few ways to play. What did you expect from Switch 2 to continue from that? Another revolutionary way to play?

Maybe I am totally missing something, but I always thought of bridging together handheld and TV gaming in one was like, the final gamer dream. Some may say there's more, and that Nintendo should have been able to do something, but for what? For you to complain about the weirdness and also complain for Nintendo to maybe not make much use of it overall? Nintendo has abandoned this way of doing things entirely. I don't have a dream beyond what the Switch did aside from more fancy things that in my opinion aren't required, but I am just happy with what's on my plate too.

Personally I think the Switch is an admission of defeat of the DS and Wii days in retrospect. So they mixed every single relevant technology into one system: We have the regular controllers, we have the accelerometer, the gyroscopes, the touch screen, we still have the weird Nintendo with the IR camera (even though there's almost always something IR in almost every Nintendo system when you think about it for a second), but none of it is forced on you anymore. Everything is now a choice from the devs, and you.

Personally after a lot of analysis I got excited about the Joy-Con Mouse mode. Because I'm weird. I see potential here. More than most people think. I don't think anyone knows the potential of having two mice for a single game. But that's a topic for another time.

Where's the weird Nintendo?

I also heard some worries about the weird Nintendo not really being around but it was never gone in the first place. During the Switch we had many opportunities to see it: Nintendo Labo (we got 4 of them!), Game Builder Garage, Ring Fit Adventure, 1-2-Switch.

The obscure side of Nintendo even peeked a little more than usual: Another Code Recollection, Famicom Detective Club got remakes and even a new game after decades, Endless Ocean Luminous (even if it's apparently not good).

And don't forget the Nintendo Switch Online Playtest Program which showed a very strange concept that I never thought Nintendo would do. And then you add the Alarmo that released a few months ago for NSO subscribers. Don't forget that. Just because it isn't always to your liking, it doesn't mean it's gone.

[bunnivez]

Hiya! Since your requests are open, could I please request either a SFW fic or SFW headcanons (whichever one you want to write) about horse girl /equestrian Cinnabar with an equestrian / horse girl Reader who has & rides an affectionate black Friesian horse. If you want to include this, Cinnabar also have a black Friesian horse that she adores and rides.

Both of them go on horseback riding dates, where Female Reader would sometimes share the horse with Cinnabar. Cinnabar would love braiding a Friesian's majestic mane as well. Also, Cinnabar definitely cuddles with the Friesian horse(s) whenever she gets the chance too. That will be so cute to read! Both Fem! Reader & Cinnabar practice & perform Dressage, either by themselves or together.

My apologies for the long ask. Take as much time as you need to write it. Thank you very much! : D

જ⁀➴ Hey nonnie! Pretty excited to write this one, I am not an expert when it comes to horses so I may or may not have done a bit of research and stuff. I decided to do a fic, I hope it turned out cute! Once requests are open you are more than free to request for the hcs version since admittedly it will contain more information than this + more lengthy.

જ⁀➴ Warning ! .. None, just fluff :)

“Sunrises are beautiful don’t you think?” Cinnabar asked. Indeed she was right, the sky was in shades of orange, pink, purple and blue, it was beautiful— just like Cinnabar said.

“It really is.. Is that why you woke me up early?” You asked her, glancing at her as you both continued to ride your horses. She told you the day before to bring your horse with you and meet her at 5:00, she never told you the reason; saying it was a surprise.

She smiled, “Yeah, I thought you’d like it. Also because Apollo enjoys early walks, I figured Blaze probably would too.” Both you and her are horse owners, she actually encouraged you to get one! So just like her, you got a black Friesian and named it Blaze!

You smile as you remembered the time Cinnabar taught you how to ride a horse. Despite wanting one you had no idea how to ride one. Just remembering the way she carefully instructed you and wrapped an arm around your waist at all times makes your heart flutter. She even taught you how you can teach Blaze tricks and manage a stable diet for him! Thats when you also learned your girlfriend’s passion for horses.

“— I hope you aren’t unhappy with waking up early.” You snapped out of your thoughts and shook your head, “Oh no! It’s alright! I’m actually happy you wanted to spend the day together early..”

You both stopped at a lake deciding to let the horses take a break and drink some water. With her help you got off of Blaze and stood there looking at the beautiful sight. A few hours passed by, and you just talked and laughed as she hugged you from behind. You loved the way her arms felt around you, you feel protected, like she was your knight in shining armor— and truthfully; she is.

Cinnabar has previously mentioned about feeling like a knight protecting you, her princess. She is protective of the ones she loves that’s for sure. Honestly, sometimes you wonder what you’ve done to have someone like your girlfriend in your life. She is a sweetheart and never fails to make you feel loved.

Looking down at the green grass you notices the varieties of flowers already bloomed and beautiful. Quickly you got an idea and started picking some flowers up as Cinnabar looked at you curiously.

“What are you doing?” “Picking up some flowers, you can help me if you want! You’ll see what I have in mind later.”

Without asking any questions Cinnabar decided to help you, picking up flowers she thinks you’ll like. When you are sure you picked enough you walked towards Blaze and Apollo who were just eating grass and started braiding Apollo’s hair and adding the flowers you were picking on it. Apollo has gotten pretty comfortable around you once Cinnabar started hanging out with you more. She would constantly bring him with her and let you ride him with her. Later on you learned how affectionate he can be, a sweetheart like his owner.

Your girlfriend smiled and did the same thing with Blaze, braiding their hair and placing flowers on it as well.

“That’s a cute idea. They will both look like horses belonging to a Disney princess or something.” You heard Cinnabar say, “Apollo has long hair, it’s like braiding Rapunzel’s hair .” You joked.

You heard her chuckle until you both finally finished, you looked at each other’s work of art and smiled. Cinnabar looked at Apollo and noticed the flowers you chose, “I wanted to choose flowers that reminded me of you, blue, yellow, some green ones too that I found! I think they are called Viburnum?” You quickly said.

She blushed and smiled, slowly walking towards you and hugging you, placing a sweet kiss on your forehead, cheek, and eventually your lips. “It’s very cute, thank you, love. I hope you like the ones I chose— I used your favorite colors.” She said scratching the back of her neck.

Eyeing at Blaze you smiled at the cute braid Cinnabar gave them, it’s dark hair complimenting the delicate flowers on it.

“Aw! I like it!” You exclaimed and quickly kissed her on the lips before walking up to Blaze to pet them.

More hours passed and you two continued talking. Being around Cinnabar is easy, she was understanding and a careful listener, it was like breathing into fresh air and forgetting about your worries. The sun got brighter, but it wasn’t too harsh, it simply made the scene more clearer.

You looked at her and giggled, “What are you doing?” She was hugging and nuzzling against Blaze’s neck before switching to Apollo who rested his jaw on top of her head.

“Giving them some love, they are so cute and deserve many hugs.” You heard her say.

With a small laugh you teased her, “Oh really? What about me? I deserve some love too from you my lover!”

Quickly she let go of Apollo and wrapped her arms around your waist, kissing your cheek, forehead, nose, lips. “Hmm, you want more?” She smiled and kissed your jaw, slowly going down your neck releasing a few giggles from you, “Alright that’s enough, it tickles!” you smiled and grabbed her face; pulling her into a sweet short kiss before resting your forehead against hers. She looked into your eyes lovingly before you spoke again— “I love you.”

“I love you more.” “No, I do.” “Nope! I definitely do.” “Nah uh! I do!” “No I am pretty sure I love you wayyyyyyyyyyt more—” “Cinnabar!” “Alright fine, we are at the same level.”

You laughed and looked behind her, “You do know Apollo is trying eat your hair right?” “Ah— Apollo!”

[disaster-fruit]

JGY ships? Okay hear me OUT! Xiyao is of course a classic, for so many good reasons, in all versions of canon. Episode 4 of the drama, the erotic hand fondling epic? Xichen catching his arms in a bow? All legendary shipper moments. BUT! I am here to tell you about a DIFFERENT A-Yao and a Lan ship, because surely you will have many people wax poetics about his interactions with Lan Xichen already, you don't need me for that.

I am here to tell you about the very overlooked JGY/LQR ship that has absolutely zero basis in canon so I'm just 100% making things up as if I'm drafting a fanfic that will be enjoyed by (1) person. Yes, Lan Qiren. Yes it's like me and one other person who ships this, but hear me out: JGY has a tendency to... gravitate towards older men with authority who COULD perhaps show him love and acceptance if he only works hard enough. He wants to be cherished! He wants someone to be proud of him! Tell him he did a good job! He is probably not actually aware of this, but I can tell. Don't ask me how I know just trust me I am an expert. So WHAT IF. JGY as Meng Yao, in either canon, got to go to the Cloud Recesses? Now I know he only does this in the drama, but like, who cares, as fan creators we can just put him wherever we wanna. SO. LQR is like, wow, we have ONE ENTIRE PERSON in this flock of youths who knows MANNERS and seems to LISTEN? he must stay. he will set a good example. (this does not work the way LQR thinks it will. again don't ask me how I know so much about this.) So sweet Hat Blorbo (only he doesn't have a hat yet, also I will defend that hat forever) now gets to live part of the dream: study! learn things! on a mountain!! So cool, what an opportunity! He is going to make the MOST of this, and is a natural teacher's pet because He Remembers Everything. He can answer every question! LQR is impressed, what an amazing student. He stays after class and radiates hunger for extra assignments. He asks insightful questions! He remembers every answer. He absolutely would love to know about additional recommended literature to delve deeper into subjects! And whoa. LQR... treats him like a normal student? that is meant to be there? like he might even be a person of worth? Highly erotic. LQR, who previously thought his one true love was the rock with all the Lan rules carved into it, is fascinated by Meng Yao's ability to actually remember all of them, in order. His eyes are so wide. He is so hungry for knowledge. Yes he would absolutely love some extra lessons about absolutely anything, everything. He reacts to praise like a flower turning towards the sun! There is probably a rule against excessive praise (and definitely a rule about seducing your students) but LQR just... wants... to praise this innocent young man who works so hard... who lights up when praised... and the rules does say to appreciate the good people...

Very confusing situation for the both of them. Does Meng Yao want to call him dad? or daddy? is he SO CLOSE to slipping up sometimes? probably. I'm thinking this has ALL sorts of tensions! Meng Yao can't act on it, because what would people say, he mustn't, and Lan Qiren is obviously bound by all the rules and he also Mustn't act on it, so their romance has to WAIT. And entire Cloud Recesses summer camp worth of held back longing! Oh, the tension! the agony of forbidden attraction! They cannot acknowledge this Thing while Meng Yao is his student!! They Want To Break This One Rule But Can't And That's So Hot etc

Also I think Meng Yao in particular might benefit from having a stern older man he wants to please by following a bunch of rules. maybe their whole society would benefit from Meng Yao wanting to follow some rules in particular.

Anyway this might not be your thing but I had fun with my deranged rant about how this could totally work! I hope you get tons of fun ship tips and have a good time. And I guess if all else fails, you can always draw him like one of them french girls!

never, in a million years, would i expect a passionate defense of JGY/LQR as a ship on my inbox. You, combination-nc on tumblr dot com, you are an Individual, you are above the restrictions of the sheeople, you are a true free thinker, you are the only mf in this hellsite i respect.

I'm not sure this ship is for me (though i have been one to indulge in a good teacher/student dynamic…) but after all that i can't say i don't SEE it. Maybe what Meng Yao needs to really be fixed is a loving daddy… it would be a first in his life.

[ckret2]

​That line about only believing what he says in private was so well-done too, because Yeah it was very smooth–but if she hadn't already been infatuated with him, she probably would have recognized the line for what it was: manipulation and an explicit reason not to ever fully trust anything he ever says. But that's why manipulation is so effective. She definitely seems to me to be the type to devour romance stories, especially ones about forbidden love and the Bad Boy archetype (not unlike Gold In Locks *cough cough*); she wanted to hear that someone was only able to be their true self with her, she wanted someone to envelop all of who she was, and she wanted those things to be a result of love so much that she did all the work of manipulation for him. All Bill had to do was tell her her impossible dreams were coming true; and the icing on the cake is, she'd already been worshipping him for so long that by that time she really, truly believed that he was–more than good–perfect. Or wanted to believe it enough that she'd go along with anything he wanted just to get more of his favor

It almost reminds me of the way you described Bill and Ford's relationship pre-betrayal, except that romance was never part of the reason Ford ever worshipped Bill, whereas it was kind of a founding principle in the case of the woman. Of course, there's also the ever-more-obvious aspect that Bill actually wants Ford, specifically, because Ford is special Bill can't take a betrayal like that lying down. And meanwhile back at the ranch, Bill's pretty obvious about this gal being an opportunity to get what he wants and that's it. I don't even remember her name, and she's been around for how many chapters? She's disposable.

Man. Everything that happened after he freaked out about Ford in the diner hit me especially hard. His words felt even emptier than before. I kept thinking, There's no way in hell she hasn't realized the difference between her and this Lost Sheep, right? But I'm scared that her tragedy is inevitable. He'd be just as passionate about wanting me back, maybe even more, and if he wouldn't, I have the opportunity to win his love. And she's just. Falling deeper. I hope she's not

I love this breakdown 👌 because yes, exactly. Bill's an expert in figuring out what a target craves, and appearing to give that to them. He says the things they want to believe.

Sue isn't just looking for a god; she's looking for a loving god.

Bill sorts people into his various cults based on what role he's playing for them, and for the majority of his Death Valley girls, they want to feel like their god cares about them. (@equilateralromance compared them to the snapewives and you know what?? I cannot argue with that, I am unable to argue with it. That's basically what they are.)

So yeah—she's ready to buy it when Bill says "Don't pay attention to the lies I tell other people, only the lies I've tailored for you."

[pixies-and-poets]

Smithy Gang Headcanons

Hi, friends! I'm extremely grateful for the positive feedback on The Forging, and definitely want to write more SMRPG stuff; I've just been working on other priorities lately. However, my brain has been busy churning stuff over, even if I haven't had the time to sit down and write a story yet.

So I wanted to jot down some of my headcanons for the Smithy gang, specifically the forging order of the main members. I thought of a sequence where Smithy created each as a response to shortcomings he saw in their predecessors. This timeline will serve as a framework from which I can write future stories.

I don't think there's anything here that goes directly against canon, but I'm not as much of an SMRPG expert as I am with some other games lol, so feel free to tell me if there's some kind of Japanese-only line that contradicts me. Also let me know your own ideas if you want!! I am new to being a proper fan in this fandom :P

First, some general notes: I don't really have a good definition for who Smithy himself is, where he came from, or what his world is like, and I don't know if I ever will, since I find some degree of ominous mystery to be more interesting. Also - while I've seen the Gang described as "robots", while that may be true in a sense, I think of them more as "constructs" - I don't think they're powered by wires or circuitry or anything like that, but rather arcane magic. They are not powered by AI, even in the sense that a more nuanced and self-aware robo-sentience might be (see examples in the Marioverse: TEC, Beep-0, JEANIE), but a more traditional type of consciousness/soul that Smithy has learned to work with, as if it were yet another material. (This isn't abnormal for the Mario world, where we already have living bullets and bombs and the like- and in an ironic twist, also makes them somewhat similar to Geno, who is a consciousness inhabiting a form that would not produce sentience or mobility on its own.)

This isn't really a fic, although it's long enough to be one, lol. I hope you enjoy!

First there was Exor; but Smithy did not create him. In fact, Exor was Smithy's beloved blade, the reason for his obsession with living weapons in the first place. But Exor is a being even more ancient than Smithy, who just happened to bond with him in his lifetime. The sword can grow to a massive size, and is never truly destroyed, but will reappear and reforge itself throughout history. The otherworldly creature that attached itself to Exor and brought it to life has been known to some as the Neosquid.

Now Smithy, in a sense, was his own first experiment - gradually replacing his organic parts with malleable metal, not only to extend his own life, but to make himself more suited for a variety of purposes. This was a process that never really had an end, as he was always experimenting, creating new heads for himself. But when he was satisfied enough with his initial efforts, Smithy sought to create life in his own image, and in the image of his beloved Exor. Among other adventures, he spent time in Subcon, the Land of Dreams, studying the enigmatic nature of consciousness - at least enough so that he could harness some of its unfathomable magic for his own ends.

Boomer was the first of Smithy's prized creations (yes, because I like the idea of the one called "Boomer" being the oldest). Originally created to provide a sort of companionship to Smithy in the form of strategic advisory and being a bodyguard- and also to provide friendship, although Smithy would never admit it. Over time, Smithy became distracted with his newer and flashier works, and grew tired of Boomer's overly serious and staid nature. Though their relationship has grown distant, Boomer's fondness, gratitude and loyalty for his creator has never faltered, and he will defend Smithy to the very last of his existence. In turn, Smithy has never put forth plans for machine-made Boomers- the younger creations speculate it's because he's too outdated a model for this to be worth it, but perhaps it's because even now, Smithy considers him irreplaceable.

Bowyer was the next-forged. Smithy sought to make a commander who represented a long-range weapon, to contrast with Boomer's katana; and also a more creative and inventive personality to offset Boomer's traditionalist and unadventurous nature. When Bowyer was born, Smithy found that he had accidentally gone way too far (in his opinion) in this new direction, leading to a creation that was so erratic he refused to even speak like those around him. Smithy found Bowyer a hard-to-control troublemaker who would rarely listen to him (or Boomer) and seemed unhappy most of the time, not fitting in with the world he had been forged into. Bowyer would also leave arrows all over the place, sticking out of random things in the weapon world - this is when Smithy had the bright idea to create arrows with consciousness, so they could return to their leader on their own. To Smithy and Boomer's surprise, Bowyer became a lot more joyful and content when he met his little Aeros, and they all became an inseparable entourage.

Smithy became creatively blocked while trying to think of his next big project, largely due to the stress of Bowyer's early behavior. Instead, he came up with a number of smaller-time minions, some of which were the Shymores, based on the Shy Guys he had observed during the time he had spent in Subcon. The Shymores were a playfully destructive group, and after seeing Bowyer's happiness with the Aeros, Smithy decided to forge a creation who was destined to be a leader from the outset; and also one with a mischievous streak, yet toned down from Bowyer. And so he made Claymorton, who later called himself Mack. He was a beloved leader to his rowdy group, but perhaps too social- he ended up neglecting his own training, preferring to play and mess around with his friends, and thus never became very strong on his own.

By now, Smithy was growing frustrated by the failures and flaws that he saw in the personalities of his creations. He decided to think extra hard about the character of his next project: this would be someone who could work completely independently - brilliant, shrewd, capable of powerful magic spells and illusions. Yet Smithy made sure to write in an unflinching loyalty to himself into the new creation's code, so to speak. And lo: at first Speardovich seemed everything Smithy could have ever wanted. Proud, powerful, but knowing his place. He needed no minions, and thus was never distracted, as he could split his own form and consciousness so that one being could do the work of many. He might appear to be older than Bowyer and Claymorton, but in fact he is technically not; he was just created from the outset to be more mature, with the moustache to prove it. And yet, over time, the cracks in this personality began to show. Speary was pompous and did not get along with the other creations when necessity called them to work together. And his respect for Smithy manifested as simpering; a begging for praise and attention which the smith found increasingly unbearable. He was always coming up with unasked-for ideas and input, such as: perhaps all the machine-made units could take the name of a spear in a different language, and "speardovich" could be their overall model name, and that he quite liked Yaridovich for himself personally, and perhaps it would be alright if- but no, Smithy would have none of it. While at first he had beamed with joy at this newest creation, he soon enough kept him at arm's length (or spear's length?) as well.

Finally, Smithy hit upon a brilliant idea - his next creation would be a group of (mostly) equals who could depend on each other without a major power imbalance, keep each other entertained, and stay out of his hair. The Axem Rangers were born, all bearing an energetic and youthful personality which they are still yet to grow out of. They were given control of the Blade, and sent to scout various worlds. They often picked up slang and brought home entertainment from the places they visited, and developed a countless number of inside jokes. The other commanders, and especially Smithy himself and Boomer, found it hard to keep up with them. However, Smithy considered their existence a big success, and remained very proud of them- although this might be due to the fact that he ended up not having to interact with them that much.

...So, that's what I have for now! I'm not sure where all of the Factory enemies fit into this; based on their descriptions, I think Clerk/Manager/Director aren't creations of Smithy, but are the same species as him and recruited from his homeworld. Same with the Chief, aside from possibly not being the same species. Smaller minions like jabits and the hammers would be produced at various points that aren't super relevant to this larger narrative. Count Down was probably made as a fun side-project when Smithy wanted to take a break from weapons per se, and see what he could do with an object like a clock. Gunyolk was confirmed to be created by the Chief. And Cloaker and Domino are weird outliers; I want to say they would be among some of the first things Smithy made, or the latest, in some kind of more abstract and experimental period.

Again - let me know your thoughts and ideas!

[wonwoosthetic]

Amour-Haine & Co. | Chapter 18 |

series masterlist

word count – 15k

warnings – mentions of sex, mentions of sa (I tried to keep it brief and not mention it an unnecessary amount of time), cursing, screaming, law enforcement related things

a/n – I have nothing to say other than thank god this finally made its way onto tumblr😭 I’m still not 100% satisfied with it but I feel like if I edit it any more, it’s only gonna get worse😭😭 pls enjoy this, thank you for everything🫶🏼 BTW: this chapter includes A LOT of law enforcement and court terms and scenes, but since I am no expert in that field, please be prepared for inaccuracy! If any one you have more experience in either one of these subjects: please let me know!! If I can make it any more realistic, I’d love to do so!! Also: thank you to the anon who inspired me for the Jeonghan turn🫶🏼🥰 when I first outlined the story, this was definitely not planned but after seeing their request in my inbox a few months ago, I just knew I had to include it, so I hope you enjoy it🤍

fyi – not much lovey y/n x wonwoo in this chapter, but don’t you worry bc there will be more than enough in the next ones ˙ᵕ˙

“I’m proud of you.”

"Mmmm," Binna's enjoyable moan echoed through your ear as she took the first sip of her second cocktail that night - she had downed the first one within the first 10 minutes of sitting. "Long day at work, don't wanna talk about it," she commented on it as soon as she found your questioning, and slightly concerned, gaze on her.

You couldn't help but chuckle as you continued to sip on your first cocktail of the evening, your food still untouched next to you. By now the steam had already evaporated, and the ice in your drink had melted, watering down the burning taste of too much alcohol the trainee bartender had graciously given you. 

Your eyes were fixed on her and the lowering level of liquid in her glass as it went down and down with every sip, coming to a halt just right to make it half-full. "Are you sure, you're okay?" You questioned her carefully.

She hastily nodded, wiping her hands, now covered in salt from her fries, with a white napkin. "Yeah, yeah," she brushed you off before placing both of her palms on the surface of the table, slightly leaning forward with a smirk. "Now tell me, how's playboy-turned-loverboy doing?"

"Good. I think," you slyly answered, reaching out for a fry, which was interrupted by a harsh slap on the back of your hand, making you wince as you snatched it back. "OW!"

"Don't fucking say 'I think' as if you don't see him at work all the time and sleep over at his place every second day," Binna snapped at you. What you hadn't told her was that Wonwoo had also asked you to come over that evening, but you decided to cancel, remembering the date you and your best friend had already agreed on.

With wide eyes, you shrugged, "Yeah- well- I don't know. I think he's doing well." You knew the unknown was making her even more giddy, and only more questions would spill out of her.

"I think he's doing a little very well if he gets to sleep with you, don't you think?" She always had her way with compliments.

The liquid of your drink got stuck in your throat as you covered your mouth, giggling at her sudden comment. "Jesus, Binna," you shook your head as she joined your laughter. "I think he's doing well because this whole Chanyeol situation is finally coming to an end." You reminded the both of you of the hopefully last time you'd ever come face to face with the man of the hour. The day was coming closer, prayers were being said each night, quietly just hoping to make it stop.

Your best friend gave you a nod in understanding. "When are you seeing Jihoon again? Tomorrow, right?" You nodded. "Then we can finally stop talking about this piece of shit. He's been occupying your mind a little too much." Just like most of the time, she was yet again right about that. The following day would be the last consultation you'd have with Wonwoo's lawyer before your court date on Friday - Payday.

"Yeah, well," you sighed in frustration, leaning back in the wooden chair, "Can you blame me?"

"No, no, of course not," she quickly reassured you, patting your hand. "But at least you also got some other things to keep your mind occupied with." Wiggling her eyebrows to underline her question. Even without her antic, you would've known what she was implying.

"You mean Wonwoo?" You chuckled, to which she excitedly nodded, biting down on her lips to hide the grin that was daring to escape. "But even there's Chanyeol involved! Do you know how much we've talked about him?"

"Ugh," Binna faked a gag, "Can we just agree to not say his name out loud anymore? Let's just call him... Grapefruit." That woman and her codenames. Ever since she had started working as a teacher, this became a thing of hers to do with all of the men she shared a bed with. At first, it was only to be able to talk about them in front of the kids, since some of those stories may have included a single father or two of the kids in her class, but she had let it seep into her everyday life. Explaining why you'd now find yourself calling a thirty-something-year-old grown man "bookshelf", just because of the way his haircut looked from the side. Grapefruit would be added to the list.

"Grapefruit?"

"Yeah," she nodded, taking another sip, "I hate Grapefruits. Anyways-," she waved it off to change the subject. "What do you mean you talk about Cha- I mean, Grapefruit?"

"Well- like, about the entire situation. You know, some evenings we spent going through court stuff or looked through what he's been up to." Jihoon had mentioned to 'always know who you're going up against'. And Wonwoo and you took his advice to heart. There were multiple nights spent together in the office, sometimes along with Mingyu, or even at his place, going through the files the court had published to you about Exodus' Entertainment. You had stalked his Social Media presence and analyzed his public outings. The smiles he would fake, the words he would lie with. You knew this man inside out, having spent three years with him did come in handy. Even after all this time, he took up more time inside your brain than you would've liked to.

While continuing your story, you motioned around with your hands on the table. "It even all started with him. Sometimes... I mean, I don't always bring it up with Wonwoo, sometimes it's just in my mind. To myself. But... yeah..." Pressing your pointer to a random spot on the wood.

"Hold up-," Binna raised her hand to stop you, "He started it all? What is 'it'? You and Wonwoo?"

You already knew you'd regret your answer before it had even left your lips, but who else could you be the most honest with, if not your best friend since primary school. "Kinda..." 

"Alright, you're stupid." She simply stated, staring blankly right at you.

"No, wait-" You scolded her, but she just shrugged. 

"What? You're an idiot. Why would you think that? How could that asshole have anything to do with what's going on with you two now?" 

You sighed, shaking your head slightly, knowing you'd have to choose your words wisely "No, no, look. I mean," you sighed with an annoyed undertone, trying to get your eyes off her. "I know he doesn't have any effect on me anymore whatsoever, but you can't deny that because of what happened, Wonwoo and I got closer. The break-in started a whole chain reaction-"

"That's idiotic to think about-" Before she could finish, you cut her off.

"No, it's not. It's what made us talk more to each other. Why we started to actually interact and realise that we would have to work with each other and not against each other like we did before." The two of you knew, your words held some truth.

Binna violently shook her head, her bob moving along, "Maybe for you, but most definitely not for him."

You scrunched your eyebrows at the slightly slurred words from your best friend. "What do you mean?"

"He invited you to that event thing before all that shit went down. For God's sake, Y/N!" She shouted into the room, immediately making you jump up to cover her mouth from across the table. You sent her a wide-eyed glare, hoping to make her understand to shut her mouth. Binna nodded as she grasped your hand to pull it down, continuing her exclaim in a quieter volume. "He bought you a fucking dress! And not a cheap one!"

"I know that! But keep it quiet," you snapped at her, sitting back down to continue nursing your drink which was now close to getting empty. God, you should've just ordered two at once, just like Binna did.

"You're not listening to what I'm saying-"

"You're not listening to what I'm saying. I don't think that nothing would've ever happened, but it did speed things up A LOT."

"I thought we went over this. Stop overthinking all of this. Be happy for yourself for once in your goddamn life! You've been fucked over by so many men in your life that don't even deserve to know about your existence. Your father included by the way," she pointed out, making you nod. "And now you found a man that would burn down the entire world for you, and you're still thinking about that shit-eating sorry excuse of a man from your past that doesn't even know how to do his own laundry?" The reminder made you almost chuckle, but the truth was too painful.

To think back on the fact that you once had your hands down his laundry basked and washing machine, because he didn't know how to make use of it, sent a shiver down your spine. "He did actually not know how to do that."

"That's what I'm saying," she sighed out desperately, throwing her head back with a groan. "All of them were such a waste of your time and patience and kindness. So... just enjoy what you have with Wonwoo now. So what if Grapefruit sped up things for you two? If anything, that's a good thing."

"I... I know what you mean. And... I... UGH-" You groaned under your breath, covering your face with your hands before running your fingers through your hair, an exhausted huff of air leaving your lips. If you could, you would've already punched yourself. Just like Binna did after you had told her what happened in Wonwoo's apartment after your quick trip to the Monbebe - she left a bruise that didn't go away for four days and Wonwoo had quite a few questions about that.

"He's not the reason for anything but misery in your life, alright?" The casual use of the nickname made you chuckle. "Wonwoo would still be knees deep for you, he'd still be this big fucking simp, and you'd also still have a crush on him that you, even now, don't want to admit to."

You interfered after hearing her comment as she slyly continued eating some of the fries in the middle of the table. "Hey! That's not true." You huffed out, mumbling the last part of the sentence.

"Oh, it's not? Have you ever said, you know what, 'I like him'? Or 'I have a crush on him'? " Binna nagged, knowing eventually she'd get something out of you.

You decided to stay silent, desperately hoping she'd just drop the subject but both of you knew better than that. 

"Exactly." She pressed her lips and eyes tightly together, her fingers digging into her temples. "You don't know if you have a crush on the man you've been spending the past three weeks with? Non-stop." Binna opened her eyes again to meet yours. "You don't know if you have a crush on the man that has been sending you flowers and food every single day at work? You wanna tell me you don't have a crush on the only man that has been actually able to make you come for the first time in-" Her continuous ranting made you groan out loud.

"OKAY! I like him, alright?! Fine! You win! I like him." With a last deep breath, you stunned her. "There. I said it. I like him, Binna. I really do. I'm scared, yes, fuck it, I'm terrified even, but whatever is going on right now feels really good and I really don't want to fuck it up."

You had decided to let yourself give into him, slowly but surely. The final decision must've happened way earlier in your brain. After yet another hot and passionate session of yours, late at night, cuddling into his side as he subconsciously was still grazing his fingers over your skin while slowly giving into the sleepiness that had overcome him. 

You couldn't help it. The more you tried to fight it, the more Wonwoo was willing to fight. A fresh set of flowers on your desk every single week, pastries from the bakery Binna and you had recently found and started to love every morning by the front desk at the office, heck even the car keys you hadn't been able to get rid of yet. By now it had basically turned into a game of you trying to leave them in his apartment or office, only for you to find them inside your bag later that day again. It made you chuckle each time. He was a stubborn one, that Jeon Wonwoo. Whenever your own thoughts were starting to catch up with you, trying to remind you that he was indeed too good to be true, and every man would eventually turn out to be the same, the CEO made sure to be right there, keeping your mind clean and ensuring you of his not-always-so-inocennt, yet pure intentions with you. The few sleepless nights the two of you had been spending together were proof of just that.

With wide eyes and a smug smile on her lips, Binna leaned back, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "Well done. I'm proud of you."

Sulkingly, knowing she had finally gotten what she wanted, you crossed your arms. "Leave me alone."

The woman in front of you continued to gaze at you, her lips sealed as she took in your sunken-in frame. A sad smile was starting to form on her face. "You don't have to pretend to be all cold and cool about this. He's pretty cute. With all the stuff he does."

You wish you could've stopped the blush spreading on your cheeks, but it shined so proudly, lighting up your entire face as you bit down on your bottom lip.

"I know," you mumbled, taking a fry to fill your mouth with, trying to distract yourself from the situation and hoping your body would stop naturally reacting like that.

A second of silence passed between the two of you before Binna's chuckle interrupted it. She let her forearms rest on top of the table, leaning in to catch your gaze.

"I haven't seen you blush like that in years," she commented softly, reaching to pet the back of your hand. "You deserve this, Y/N. Enjoy it."

Slowly, you raised your head, still almost too shy to lock eyes with her directly. Your gaze quickly fell to your hands touching before chuckling, finding your own thoughts ridiculous, but as embarrassing as it may have seemed to you, you couldn't and didn't want to hold back.

"I really do like him."

Your best friend nodded, "I know," a proud smile decorating her face. Happiness had never looked and felt so good.

-

The plain white walls were starting to dawn on you. A waiting room so sterile, with two paintings being the only splash of colour in the entire corridor, would do that. Even after all the times you had spent sitting there, you were still not used to it and weren't planning on it any time soon. The hope of not having to return all that much ever again had not yet vanished.

A heavy sigh tumbled from your lips as you sulked even deeper into the grey-cushioned seats Jihoon had chosen for his law firm. The past twenty minutes had started to feel closer to an hour with the hollowness of the room. The only sound echoing through your ear was the rushed typing of his assistant around the corner, who hadn't stopped ever since you had arrived. Not even your phone could entertain you enough anymore, time was just moving too slowly.

Wonwoo, with whom you came, had just gotten off the phone with God-knows-who when he directed his attention to you. Amusement made his lips curl up as he put his phone into the inside pouch of his suit jacket before hiding his hands in his pockets.

"He likes to take his time." 

Your exclaim of a breath told him everything he needed to know. He took a quick peek at the still-closed door to the lawyer's office. A door you had been staring at for at least ten minutes.

You took a deep breath in desperation. "Yeah, a little too much time." Your comment made Mingyu, who was sitting opposite of you chuckle. You had to hold back any snarky remark, remembering that he was your last bit of hope and you were supposed to give him all the time he could possibly need. He was a busy man after all and you were most definitely not his only clients. 

Wonwoo's laugh rang through your ear as he got closer to your seated position. "Well, look who's suddenly the impatient one." His comment made you roll your eyes but made the slight smile playing on your lips almost impossible to hide. The past few weeks with him must've done something with you. 

Ever since that late-night event after your not-so-pleasant visit to the Monbebe, the dynamic between the two of you had changed. Drastically. It was less about built-up anger and frustration, not even about hidden tension anymore. Much rather was it now about appreciation, care, and gentleness and... even enjoyment. In all this mess, the two of you had found a way to enjoy each other's presence and forget about the daunting events that were still haunting you.

You two had spent more nights together since then. More than your old self would probably like to admit. But your new self?... She enjoyed it. Not only did those nights end in sex. No, some were just filled with late-night talking - some work-related, others not. He had started asking questions. Quite a few even. About you, and your childhood. Wonwoo had wanted to know what your favourite season was, what your favourite memory of your school time was, and which celebrity you'd bring back from the dead if you could - questions no other ex had ever even entertained to wonder about. Some questions you hadn't even ever asked yourself. And you answered him. You gave him an answer to every single one of his questions. In return, you had found out about his childhood best friends, about him being his grandmother's favourite grandchild, and about what he'd do if he could go back in time. You got to get to know Wonwoo. Not hot-playboy-CEO-bachelor Jeon Wonwoo, but the Jeon Wonwoo, who graduated top of his year at Seoultech University. Wonwoo, whose discovery of stage fright in middle school shattered his dreams of becoming an actor even before his father could drag him into the family business. Wonwoo, who would kill and die for his friends and family and who might look and act like the coldest asshole to walk the streets of the city, but could be deeply caring about the ones most important to him at the same time. You had almost forgotten about the person you had always thought he had been as you got to meet the real side of him. 

The side that called his mum at least once a week whenever she wasn't in town to keep up with the latest gossip she had to tell him. He'd roll his eyes while on the phone with her, sending you looks of apology while you continued to sip on the wine he had poured for you, chuckling at the sight in front of you as he walked around the apartment, nodding along to whatever his mother was ranting about. The side that would never forget your dinner reservations at 8, already thinking about what you'd be wearing and what flowers to get you to match your outfit while listening to yet another uneducated business partner and throwing him out of the room as soon as one wrong comment would fall from their lips. He cursed their existence and the entirety of the corporate world while promising to make his own office and company a place where employees would enjoy coming to work.

He'd sit in his office, checking his wrist every few minutes, counting down the time and catching glimpses at you talking to the other employees, desperately waiting for the work day to end, so he could be at home, doing the dishes he had left in the sink in the morning, still needing to change the bedsheets before you'd arrive with the food you had promised to pick up on the way. How domestic of you two.

There were no obligations, no rules you had to follow. You were just enjoying yourself. Enjoying your time with him. The words he had trusted you with had branded themselves onto your heart and brain, reminding you every single day of what you were getting yourself into. You started to trust him. You were starting to fall. It was crazy. You couldn't help yourself, you couldn't hold back. You didn't want to. Falling was something so inevitably impossible to stop from happening. Whether you're falling over, falling down, or... falling in love.

You had caught yourself looking at him already. Multiple times in the last few weeks. Commenting to yourself, he's facial structure, the tilted line of his jaw, and the bridge of his nose were just aesthetically pleasing. No one would deny, that you were correct in your assumption. But that was not the reason you couldn't help yourself from looking at him. You had ignored the tingle in your stomach and the warmth spreading in your chest. But there was only so much time that you could tell yourself it was nothing until it did become something. And the end of that time arrived sooner than you could've prepared yourself for and hit you like a wall.

You had repeatedly thought about those nights you had spent with him, sitting by the dining table, snacking on the takeout you had decided on for that evening while reading out loud letters from the courthouse, the judge, Jihoon, Jeonghan, and even Chanyeol. Statements from Sehun were rarely ever in the mail you received, he opted for texting you privately, promising to stand with you and support the decisions you would make. But those evenings had led to the current scene unfolding. Another appointment in the Lee Jihoon law firm. The, hopefully, last official time you'd meet here for the haunting reason of Park Chanyeol.

Wonwoo grunted as he threw himself onto the empty seat next to you, "I swear to God, once we're in there, I'm gonna-"

"You're not gonna do anything," you interrupted him, looking to your left to find his side profile as he was still glaring at the closed door. His patience was running thin, you could tell. With a smirk and a scoff, he leaned back and turned to the side, his eyes meeting yours.

"You don't believe me?" He teasingly wondered.

"Oh no, I do believe you," you assured him with a similar smile, "But I also know that you know better than to anger your only friend that can get us out of this."

"Can you maybe not flirt right in front of me?" The younger CEO cringed as he looked towards the door, trying to divert his eyes from the two of you.

Before Wonwoo was able to talk back, a snarky remark already playing on the tip of his tongue, the white door suddenly opened, revealing the slightly messy head of wavy hair.

"Am I interrupting something?" Jihoon joked as he looked into the hallway, his eyes immediately finding you two and your faces that had subconsciously moved in closer to each other.

With a quick move, Wonwoo pushed himself up from the cushion, his hand already awaiting yours to help you up as well. "Yeah, I was just talking about breaking in your door." You ignored his helping hand, opting to stand up yourself, only to feel his gentle grip on your elbows. Was he really helping you? No. Did you still enjoy the soft touch? Yes.

"Hilarious as always." Jihoon nodded, walking back inside, leaving you to let yourself in.

Before walking ahead, you snatched the two thin folders you had brought yourself into your hands and let yourself get led by Wonwoo's hand on your lower back. Something else, you had learned about him was his love for physical touch. Secret little touches had become a standard when standing or sitting next to him. Wonwoo was by no means a man attracted to any form of PDA, he enjoyed it very much privately though. But no one could deny his love for keeping his hand or even just a finger on you. He took pride in doing this as secretly as possible, making no one else notice it. Mentioning physical touch being his love language only got you a roll of his eyes, you recall, and a comment about Yeri, his cousin, nagging him about doing tests like them on the internet, as well as an MBTI test, so he'd 'have it much easier to find a suitable partner'. Later that day, he did admit those tests revealed that his love languages were, in fact, physical touch, as well as, words of affirmation and gift-giving. And his MBTI was, to his last knowledge, INFJ.

Mingyu closed the door as he was the last one to enter, and all four of you in your designated seats in Jihoon's office - him behind his big desk, you right opposite of him, with Wonwoo to your left and Mingyu on your right. The room matched the entire floor perfectly. Pearl-white walls locked you in, and every door matched the colour of the walls. Each piece of furniture was fitted to the cool tones he had decided on. The floor continued to be dark grey, reminding you of a modern doctor's office. Everyone had their own taste, but you were thankful your office looked much different.

You handed him the last piece of content he'd need for the final trial tomorrow. During the past weeks, Jihoon and Jeonghan had consultations with the judge privately, as well as publicly. None of you were supposed to be there as it was only between the lawyers, and he was yet to update you on the progress he had made.

"Okay," the lawyer looked through the printed-out document you had brought along. "This is everything Sehun has texted you? Every single thing. Every word, every picture he sent, every single emoji? Everything."

You nodded along with his questions.

"Everything. I promise. I didn't change anything. I just, copy and pasted it," you swore to him as you spoke the truth.

Jihoon thanked you. "I'll get this to the judge before the trial tomorrow. She won't read it out loud while we're in the courtroom unless it's one hundred per cent necessary so that nothing will happen to Sehun."

"Thanks," you smiled at him. You had kindly asked him to do just that. With everything going on, and Chanyeol already hating enough people, his anger being on a 10/10 most likely, you didn't want to throw Sehun under the bus and call him out for helping you and doing the right thing. What he'll do after this shitshow was done was his issue to deal with and not your place to be involved in.

"So," Wonwoo decided to lead the following conversation. "Where are we right now? How are things looking so far?"

The younger man leaned back in his chair, throwing the pieces of paper back on his desk. He took a deep breath. "Good, I'd say."

"You'd say? That was a yes-or-no kind of question," The CEO stated, his facial expression strict and cold, just like the rest of the world knew him.

"Well, Wonwoo, I can't guarantee you anything. These people are unpredictable. They always have something up their sleeve, like literally constantly, and I'm trying my damn best here-"

"Then do better-"

"Wonwoo-" Mingyu tried to stop the two.

"Wait," you interrupted them before their fight could explode. "What do you mean? What happened last time?" Your eyes were trained on the lawyer as he pushed his chair to turn around, getting a brown file out of his cupboard before turning back, and throwing it to land right in front of you.

Once you got your hands on it and opened the file, you let your eyes rake over each line written in what seemed to be a university document from Seoultech. With your eyebrows scrunched together and your mouth slightly hanging open, you lifted your head to glance at Wonwoo.

"You cheated on your final exams and plagiarised your dissertation?" 

"What?" He quickly got a hold of the piece of paper, reading it for himself, and opened his mouth, ready to raise his voice as he stood up. "That's-"

"Bullshit, I know," Jihoon stopped him calmly. "Don't worry, I called them and got statements from your professors."

Wonwoo looked at his friend in confusion, "But most of them are retired," who just walked over to him to get the file back into his ownership, a smirk proudly presented on his lips.

"I told you, I'm good at my job." Making the CEO scoff and roll his eyes.

You were still in a twilight zone, not able to follow every detail you had read and the conversation happening between the two men.

"But if it was so easy for you to debunk it, why did they write something like that?" Mingyu wondered, gaining back the lawyer's attention.

He sighed before shrugging and settling back into his chair. "I guess they just wanted to try. They claimed Wonwoo to be a master in faking documents, not realising that if I were to find the real ones, they'd be accused of doing the exact same thing. At this point, they have almost nothing else to lose because they're already so close to losing this entire lawsuit."

"Well," Wonwoo jumped in, choosing to continue standing up, "Then what's gonna happen tomorrow? Anything we need to be prepared for?"

Jihoon looked down at his desk as his fingers had started to play with a pen, occupying himself as he talked. 

"Before I brought you guys in, I sent them some final stuff. Some of the statements Sehun got us, and the security camera footage from your office. I think it was Vernon, but he was able to zoom into the face and de-pixel it, which was revealed to be one of Chanyeol's employees who I had mentioned already last week in front of the judge. So, they'll go over that and comment on it tomorrow. They'll probably ask you guys some more questions about the night of the break-in. Like, where you were, what you were doing, how did you find out, and so on. Just be honest about that. Try to stick to the version you guys have told me, that would make my life a lot easier, thank you. They'll also question Park about it, probably also Sehun." He fell quiet for a second before continuing. "Everything else is pretty much done. They reached out to some of the women, but most of them declined to show up in court personally and chose to send in videos and written statements. It would be smart to read them out loud, but I don't know if they will or if they'll protect the identities of those women. My plan would be to win your lawsuit tomorrow and let them handle the sexual assault cases alone without us involved. And I don't know how that will play in for us... I mean- they've seen all of Yoon's tricks, and they're really not impressed by him from what I could tell."

"Good," Wonwoo commented in the middle of it.

"But they also haven't forgotten about your little fight, remember that." He pointed a strict finger at the oldest one in the room.

Another reason, why Jihoon and Jeonghan had been asked to be seen in front of the judge alone was 'for their own safety'. After the last encounter all of you had in court ended in Wonwoo and Chanyeol almost beating each other up, the judge, Miss Kang, had sent out individual emails, asking the lawyers to visit her on their own. The last sitting would be with everyone again though.

"I have the feeling that the jury is definitely on our side, but the judge might ask about the fight and possible anger issues," Jihoon continued to explain.

Wonwoo scoffed as he ran his fingers through his hair. "What do anger issues have to do with any of this?! And if anyone has anger issues, it's that fucking idiot Park, alright?!"

The younger one of the two and you looked at each other in silence, also sharing a quick look with Mingyu, before turning towards the CEO. A tight smile made its way onto your face, but the awkward silence hung heavily in the room. Wonwoo glanced at Jihoon first, before desperately looking at Mingyu and you. With a deep breath, he decided to sit back down.

"I have anger issues only when it comes to him."

-

Getting into Wonwoo's car the day of the last court sitting almost felt like every other time you had done it. The sequence was the same. He'd text you, he was on his way. Once he arrived, he'd ring the number of your apartment and you'd let him in. You'd leave your front door open, so he could come in once he reached your floor while getting your bag ready and possibly doing some finishing touches on your makeup. Days where you had spent the previous night at his place were slightly different. After having breakfast together at his dining table, and brushing your teeth, Wonwoo would get ready in the morning to chauffeur you to your apartment. He'd patiently wait in your living room while you got ready in your bedroom. He had offered to keep some things at his apartment already, yet you declined, assuring yourself of not moving too quickly by still getting ready for the day in your own room. Having a toothbrush and stuff to sleep in at his place was enough for you for the time being.

Your focus was solely on your phone as you texted Mingyu your whereabouts, asking him if he had already made his way over to the courthouse. Nervously, you had also texted Jihoon, keeping him updated with every street you got closer and closer.

The sudden touch of a hand on your knee made you look up. "Stop." Wonwoo had put his hand on you, stopping your leg from violently shaking. "You have no reason to be nervous, we got this."

"That's easier said than done," you scoffed. "They could destroy us. They could've something planned and we wouldn't know."

"Could you check the glove compartment, please?" Wonwoo got your attention, making you raise your head at his sudden question after enjoying the silence in the car.

"Hm?" You hummed.

With a quick glance at you and a nod towards the storage unit in his car, he repeated his question. "The glove compartment. I got a letter from my mum yesterday, and I put it in there. She texted me and said it was for both of us." With a swift one-handed move, you rounded the corner.

"For us?" You wondered confused, reaching forward to open the compartment.

He shrugged. "I don't know."

You got the letter in your hands, immediately noticing the pastel pink envelope, chuckling to yourself. Jeon Chaewon's role as one of the most feminine old-fashioned ladies you had ever met was no joke.

Careful not to destroy the paper too much, you opened the letter, getting the piece of paper out of the envelope when two extra pieces fell into your lap - slightly smaller than the letter itself. You decided to take a look at them first. After turning them around, you gasped. Your hand fell to your mouth before a chuckle erupted from your lungs.

"What?" A quick glance at Wonwoo made Wonwoo's eyebrows shoot up, only to calm down again once he noticed your amusement.

You couldn't help but bite down on your lip as you showed him the plane tickets. "Your mum's sending us to Paris?" Throwing the question into the room as you were still confused, now directing your attention to the letter, reading through the lines she wrote.

"Oh," you exclaimed. "There's a business even in Paris. She wants us to go." Reading the last sentence got another chuckle out of you. "She said, P.S.: If you want to take Mingyu along as well, I can get you another ticket, but think about that carefully."

"Aaah," Wonwoo nodded, stopping at a red light, letting his elbow rest by the window as he glanced to your side. "She told me about this before she left." He reached out to read through the letter himself. "But I didn't know she already booked tickets for us."

"And a hotel," you added.

"A hotel too?" He wondered, looking at you as you leaned over the middle console to point towards the sentence where she had mentioned the hotel you'd be staying in.

Wonwoo sighed, "Jesus..." With his focus still on the handwriting of his mother, he forgot about the illuminating lights ahead of you.

You glanced up as the green light hit your eyes. "It's green," you pointed out, snatching the letter out of his hand, so he'd put his focus back on the road.

Wonwoo noticed you had gone quiet, while your eyes were on the tickets and the letters. "Do you want to go?" He asked.

You looked up at him, putting all the pieces of paper back together into the envelope. "I think now is not really the right time to think about a Paris trip, to be honest."

"But it's a business trip."

"Yeah," you chuckled. "But to Paris." You continued to look at him, waiting for him to meet your eyes. He exchanged glances with you for a short moment, his lips curling up the slightest amount.

"Yes. As a business trip," he repeated, making you chuckle. "So, do you wanna go?" He asked you again, keeping you in his view as you reached another red light for a few seconds.

With a deep breath in, you shrugged your shoulders, keeping the envelope in your grip as your bag was still in the backseat. "Sure, why not. We should do it for your mum if she requested it."

"For my mum?" Wonwoo chuckled, making you nod.

"Yeah," you cleared your throat. "I mean, if she already booked everything, it would be rude not to go. And like you said, it's a business trip for an event, so... that would be good, right?"

He nodded. "Right."

For a second, you stayed silent before speaking up again, noticing how much closer you had gotten to the courthouse.

"Should we ask Mingyu if he'd want to come as well?"

"God no," Wonwoo was quick to answer with a huff. He took a quick look at you, a grin already spreading on his lips. "Somebody's gotta keep the company in check while we're gone, right?"

With a smile, you nodded along with him. "Mm, you're right." Before both of you fell into another round of comfortable silence while the smile never left your lips, biting down to hide it.

You turned your head to glance outside of the window, watching the buildings pass before Wonwoo took the last right turn to enter the parking lot.

-

Exiting the car and walking towards the main entrance of the courthouse, you were suddenly attacked by a group of men and women clinging onto their notebooks.

"Miss Yoon! Do you think, you will win!"

"Mister Jeon, are you confident for the trial today?"

"Is it true that Mister Park was a bad ex-boyfriend?"

"Is this all a publicity stunt to get more attention and build up your company, Mister Jeon?"

"Was the judge bribed by Mister Park and Mister Oh?"

With shock written all over your face, you came to a sudden halt, the grip on your bag strap tightening. Wonwoo, who was right behind you, hot on your heels, was quick to reach around you, pulling you in closer towards his body as soon as he heard the first words being shouted at the two of you. The cold glare of the CEO didn't stop the journalists from coming closer, pestering you with even more questions. The sudden attention overwhelmed you as you stumbled up the stairs towards the main entrance, where Jihoon was already waiting for you, holding the door open, and ushering you to move faster. As soon as your feet crossed the ledge, he closed the doors.

"Get a life!" He shouted at the mass, as they groaned in synch, turning back around and separated into individual groups again.

Still in shock, you turned around, not noticing the hand still on your body, not meaning to let go any time soon. 

"What the hell was that?!" You exclaimed, brushing through your hair the wind had messed up slightly.

Jihoon groaned, walking past you, making the two of you follow him together as he started explaining. "I don't know who called them. Last week only two of them were here, but Jesus..."

"But why are journalists so interested in this? It's not like this is a national scandal-"

"Not national, but within the corporate world, this is quite big. Park's company might be about to break, and everyone wants in on that," Jihoon explained as you were catching your breath again, finding Mingyu's tight smile as he stood by the door of the courtroom, patiently waiting for you.

"Or maybe they're here to watch the Jeon empire collapse." A sudden all-too-familiar voice caught you off guard. Turning around, you were met with the mischievous eyes you've known for oh so long. "How tragic would that be," Jeonghan smirked at you three, his hand deep in his pocket as he casually walked up to you.

"We'll see about that," the lawyer snapped back.

Seeing the cheeky smile that had been haunting you for weeks made your heart race in anger as you bit down on your tongue, knowing every word you'd give off yourself could be turned against you. Without another comment, you turned around and rushed over to Mingyu in quick steps, greeting him with a hug, forgetting about Wonwoo and Jihoon, who decided to join you, leaving your cousin in the middle of the corridor before he disappeared around the corner again.

"Where's he going?" The younger CEO wondered, nudging his head towards the direction Loki had just left in.

Wonwoo shrugged, "Who knows."

"Probably consoling Park and Oh about some last-minute stuff," Jihoon took the word, glancing at you three. "Is everything clear with you guys? Any questions?"

Mingyu and you shook your heads as the oldest answered for all of you.

"No, let's get this shit over with." Speaking from your soul.

-

The four of you were directed towards your designated table on the left side of the room with Jihoon on the far right, closest to the middle of the room, followed by Wonwoo to his left, then you, and Mingyu was seated next to you. The rest of the room was empty, apart from the court reporter who was setting up her station and the security man by each door. As the trial was private, no public interests were allowed in the room. Even with the silence filling it, neither one of you even dared to open your mouth, knowing better than to let anything get to you.

The entrance door opened, the voices of the three people entering immediately bounced off the walls. They may have tried to whisper, but God knows they were terrible at it.

"Good morning," Jeonghan bowed to each security guard with a smile on his face, his followers copying him. As they passed your group, your cousin also sent a grin towards you, Chanyeol opted for a smug nod of his head while Sehun was seen with a genuine tight smile.

Exodus' CEO leaned back in his chair as soon as they all sat down, a loud sigh coming from him, making you close your eyes and take a deep breath in annoyance.

"Aaah," he moaned. "What a beautiful day today is, right guys? How terrible it would be to ruin that for someone." He took a quick look at your table, meeting Wonwoo's glare, but it only made Chanyeol chuckle.

You continued your prayers inside your head to let this pass quickly, followed by praying for his downfall and that he may please rot in a cell and never feel the touch of another human being ever again. He deserved nothing else.

Paranoid, you turned around to make sure your bag was still hanging over the back of your chair. After finding it right where you left it, your train of thought was interrupted.

"The jury will now enter!" A voice echoed through the room, making all of your heads look straight ahead to where the door opened. You could tell, not one of you had thought the trial would start so suddenly. The people who would make up the jury and would eventually be part of the reason for either your victory or downfall today entered the room. None of them even dared to lock eyes with any of you. Everyone kept their heads down until they were seated.

"All rise!" The voice spoke up again, making all of you act responsively as you stood up in synch, the sound of your chairs screeching against the floor slashing through your ear canal.

The door on the very far right side in front of you opened, revealing Miss Kang, the judge that had been assigned to your case. She greeted everyone in the room with a kind smile, making her warm presence light up the room. She was one of the good people within the law enforcement sector of the country, you just knew it. She'd trust you. Right?...

Judge Kang sat down on the big leathered chair, organising the stacks of paper in front of her, before taking a deep breath. 

"This court is now in session, you may be seated," she called out into the room. Each person followed her demand, taking a seat again, nudging their chairs closer towards the table in front of them.

"We've got quite beautiful weather today, so let's not make this complicated, alright? I think we all want to enjoy the few rays of sunshine," she tried to lighten up the aura of the courtroom, clearly noticing the heavy tension daunting on all of you. Quiet chuckles could be heard, following her comment, smiling faces gazing up at her.

She looked down at her papers. "Alright, we call the case 7.4.2-8 in which Oskan & Co. has been charged with theft and stolen copyright by Exodus Entertainment. Is the plaintiff ready?" She directed her eyes to the right table.

"Yes, Your Honour," Jeonghan answered her politely. The pitch of his voice could send a shiver down your spine almost in an instant. Laced with pretentiousness. You had to remind yourself not to react. Not even the smallest muscle on your face was supposed to move.

Unfaced, she then turned towards you. "Is the defence ready?"

Jihoon nodded confidently, "Yes, your honour."

"Good," she smiled again. "We'll first hear the opening statement from the defence, just to freshen up everyone's memory since it's been a while since we have all gathered here, right? Defendant lawyer, Lee Jihoon, please lay out the facts."

-

Breaks were forgotten. The trial was in full motion. One after the other was asked to come forward, sit down and get questioned by their own lawyer, followed by getting torn to shreds by the lawyer of the opposite party. Judge Kang had let Jihoon decide whether he'd want to start questioning one of you first somebody from the plaintiff - he chose to bring out Mingyu. 'Let's start with a defence, not attack', you remembered him saying.

Jeonghan followed by questioning Wonwoo. Picking people apart psychologically was one of his strongest character traits, he was raised by one of Korea's greatest manipulators after all. But his new approach confused you. Unlike the way you had seen him before, he was soft-spoken with the CEO. Nudging his answers out one by one while keeping a low tone. He must've known just how much Wonwoo would usually react to somebody talking to him like he was as stupid as they could come, but he kept it cool. It surprised all of you. He continued nodding politely, excusing himself every now and then, keeping his sharp tongue in the back of his throat, and never declining Jeonghan's accusations directly. Just like you had practised. The words 'No, this didn't happen' never once fell. Wordings like 'Not exactly', 'As far as I know', and 'To my understanding', were the only ones to ever hit your ear. If all calculated correctly, it must've left a good impression on the judge and jury.

Jihoon opted to get Chanyeol out of his seat next. What Jeonghan could do, he could only do better. He had the receipts.

He started out civil and collected. Asking questions about his whereabouts the night of the break-in, followed by general questions about the company, as they were slowly diverted to subject his private life. His hobbies, and how he would spend his weekdays and weekends if work was out of the question. Jeonghan tried his best to object to each question that wasn't concerning the case directly, but you better bet Jihoon had the perfect explanation for each of his statements ready to roll off his tongue. Every time your cousin shot out of his chair, his voice echoing through the room loud and clear, he was asked to sit down just as quickly.

Chanyeol was asked to stay seated as Jeonghan switched places with the other lawyer in the room, opening his mouth to defend his client as best as he could. If only it wasn't for Jihoon doing a much better job in the first place.

You let your eyes glide across the room. Focused on Miss Kang, you watched her take note after note, marking her own thoughts and questions down as the trial proceeded. Further on the right, the jury seemed invested. Some nodded along with each word coming from Jeonghan, while others scrunched up their faces as soon as Chanyeol would even just take a breath before coming up with an answer. It almost made you chuckle. You couldn't see Sehun unless you'd lean back, but you decided against it. It might direct unwanted attention to your action. You were about to glance at the security guard on the left side of the room when the sound of your name hit your ear.

Your head shot towards Jeonghan.

"To my understanding, you were in a committed relationship with one of the defendants." His steps came to a halt right in front of Exodus' CEO. Before he could even open his mouth, Jihoon hastily pushed his chair back.

"Objection, your honour! Privilege! To my understanding, we had decided to leave private relationships out of this trial if not directly connected." Each one of you knew that there was only a hint of truth in his statement since you were all convinced most of this trial was indeed directly connected to the bon you had once shared with the other man.

Judge Kang nodded. "You are correct about that, Mister Lee." She turned her attention to her left, but Jeonghan took the first word.

"Your honour, but doesn't the defendant being a past lover of my client not seem like a direct connection to the case? The fact that Mister Park's work has been stolen by the company partially led by a grieving past significant other must look like less of a coincidence and more like an act of revenge." How dare he use the words 'significant other'.

Miss Kang couldn't help but sigh as she took a quick look at Jihoon, an apologetic expression daunting on her face before she nodded. "Yes, Mister Yoon. You may continue. But try to keep emotional descriptions out of your statements, please," she advised him.

Jihoon lowered his head, taking a deep breath, "Shit." His mumble suddenly got your heart to skip up. You could feel it starting to pump much harder than before. In no possible way was his reaction a good sign. Wonwoo immediately noticed the change in atmosphere, turning towards you, to catch your side profile as you had closed your eyes and held your head down, trying to block out any of the words coming from Jeonghan or Chanyeol.

"The relationship was mostly very peaceful. I mean, just like every other couple, we had our quarrels and misunderstandings, but not much more than that." With a fake sigh, he looked at the jury, trying to paint his eyes with as much pain as possible before he continued. "Towards the end... it did get bad though... you know, I was always told that jealousy was healthy, at least a little bit, but it became quite extreme."

"From Miss Yoon?" Jeonghan nudged him.

"Yes," Chanyeol nodded. "I think me deciding to end things possibly left her in quite a hole-"

Jihoon shot up again. "Objection! Hearsay, your honour."

The judge nodded, "Sustained. Mister Park, please don't interpret any of the defendant's emotions. Just answer Mister Yoon's questions directly." Her reaction made the CEOs smile. She nodded at Jihoon as he sat back down with a quick bow.

Jeonghan took a deep breath. "I would just like to ask the jury to take Mister Park's side of this story into consideration."

"I'm sure they will, Mister Yoon." Miss Kang sent him a tight smile before leaning back in her chair.

Jeonghan dismissed himself as Exodus' CEO was asked to sit down by the table again.

It was now or never.

Only a year ago, you would tell yourself it wasn't worth it to fight back. That Chanyeol was much more powerful than you. Whatever you'd say would be just pushed under the rug. No one would care what you'd have to say. But not now. You had three people right next to you, ready to support whatever you would be stating out there. You had a judge who would patiently listen to you. There was an entire jury that was possibly still undecided. But most importantly, you had yourself and the truth. You had the facts. You knew what was right and what was wrong. Why should the bad guys win just because you didn't even dare to stand up? Too many times, people have let moments like these just pass. Not again. Not now. They couldn't win. You wouldn't let them win. This was for all the women he had hurt. Each woman that decided against facing him in court, but was strong enough to give their statements. You couldn't let them down. They helped you to get so far, now it was your turn.

"Well then," Miss Kang's voice glided through the room. "If there's nothing else to say anymore, I-"

"Excuse me, you honour." Suddenly you could feel each pair of eyes on your form. Each member of the jury had their face turned towards you. Judge Kang's eyebrows raised at the surprised interruption. Sehun, Chanyeol, and Jeonghan unexpectedly looked up, shock written all across their face. Mingyu and Jihoon had lifted their heads to look at you while Wonwoo's hand subconsciously had reached out right, ready to pull you back, unsure of what you were getting yourself into and surprised by your sudden exclaim.

"Yes, Miss Yoon?"

You swallowed the forming gulp in your throat. "I... I still would like to say something. Mister Lee still has to question me."

She nodded. "Of course, would you like to come out?" With her palm, she motioned to the witness stand seat to her left, to which you agreed, pushing your chair back gently before getting the bag off the back. Opening it, the folder you were looking for was already smiling at you. You got it out, opened it to get what you needed and made your way forward. As you passed Jihoon, who had stood up, you came to a halt.

"Ask me everything," you met his eyes. "Every little thing you need to know to win this, okay?"

Your eyes may have fooled you, but you could almost see fear forming in the man's eyes as he took the paper you had given him, nodding at you as he still tried to comprehend what you were asking of him. With big steps and a proud stance, you held your shoulders straight and made your way over to the witness stand seat.

You took a deep breath as soon as you sat down to calm your nerves that, you were sure, would not vanish any time soon.

"Miss Yoon," Jihoon's voice made you straighten your back as you looked up. All eyes were on you. Your heart was threatening to pump out of your chest at this point. You ignored all the other people in the room. You tried to. Keeping your eyes on the lawyer, that's what he had told you. "How would you describe your relationship with Mister Park?"

"Objection!" Jeonghan shot up from his chair. "Asked and answered."

"Not from Miss Yoon," Jihoon turned towards their table as the Judge agreed with him.

"Overruled. The defendants have yet to speak about this matter. You were given the opportunity, now it's their turn." Explaining the definition of fairness. "Mister Lee, please continue."

"Thank you, Your Honour." Jihoon sent in an encouraging smile. "So Miss Yoon, how would you describe your relationship with Mister Park?"

"Pretty normal in the beginning. Quiet. Private."

"In the beginning?"

You clutched the edge piece of one of the papers in front of you. "Yes."

"Could you please go into detail why only in the beginning?"

"Objection!" Jeonghan called out once again. "Leading question-"

"Overruled," Miss Kang interrupted him before he could even continue. "The defendant specifically mentioned 'in the beginning', so Mister Lee has the right to question her further. Please continue, Miss Yoon." Making the other lawyer sit back down with a sigh and you nod.

"Well... ehm...," you were well aware of your pauses possibly only bringing negative attention onto you, yet you couldn't help it as you tried to form the right sentences in your head. "It seemed like a perfectly normal relationship at first, but... I noticed that his behaviour started changing."

"Changing? In what way?"

"Objection! Compound question."

Judge Kang sighed into the microphone. "Overruled. Mister Lee repeated one word, then followed up with his actual question. Please continue."

You took a deep breath, waiting for Jihoon's assuring nod to answer.

"At first, it started out as jealousy. Or so I thought... later on, about a few months into the relationship... it turned into... something more controlling."

"Could you elaborate on that?" He wondered kindly.

"Yes...," you answered, glancing down at the pieces of evidence you were holding in your hands. Copies of which Jihoon had in his own grip. "At first, he asked me to not leave the house without him- I'm sorry, I meant the apartment we shared." Jihoon nodded along. "Whenever I wouldn't obey to that or... other times when I'd get home later than expected from work... he...," you took a pause. Gulped. Took a shaky breath. Not here. "He would get... really angry."

"How would he show his anger?" He was asking you each question softly, carefully. Understanding the sensitivity as soon as his eyes had landed on the file.

Almost bored, Jeonghan raised his hand, "Objection! Relevance."

Jihoon turned towards the judge. "I think, if we hear my client out, we'd see how relevant her answer is in comparison to Mister Park's comments about their past relationship."

Judge Kang nodded. "I agree. Overruled. Miss Yoon, please continue."

Another unstable breath left your lips. "It was- I mean, differently. At first... it was screaming. Then..." You hadn't even bothered putting on nail polish, so you only had your nails left to pick at. "Then... he'd start to... get physical... sometimes... yeah," you whispered at the end.

"Was there any time you felt truly threatened by Mister Park?"

"Yeah...," you admitted. If some jury members had lost interest in the case, at least by now, everyone's attention was back on track. You could hear a hairpin drop. Each breath you took shook the entire room. "There were... occurrences... when I had to go to the hospital. Because... ehm... he..." careful with your words. "He touched me... without my consent."

Biting down on his lip, Jihoon was careful with each word. "Do you have any evidence of this?"

You decided to only nod, as the security kept a close eye on you, noticing you lifting the papers you were clutching onto with your entire being. He went up to you to take them out of your possession, handing them over to the judge as she asked you to continue while going over the doctor's letter. It was the one piece of hospital evidence you had kept from that time. Everything else seemed irrelevant to you as most of the bruises you had showed up with to the hospital could be explained by hitting your knee or arm against furniture. But not this. But there was a second page to it.

"Miss Yoon," Jihoon started again. "You were admitted to the hospital once before, is that correct? Due to a car crash, if I'm not mistaken."

"Yes," you spoke out loud.

"Who was driving the car at that time?"

"Mister Park," you answered honestly, knowing that he was reading every piece of evidence off the paper you had handed to him.

Jihoon nodded, now turning to the woman sitting on the highest chair in the room. "Your honour, if you turn to page two of the piece of evidence you were just handed, you can see the doctor's findings, as well as the police report on page three, after the car crash, involving Park Chanyeol and Yoon Y/N. The police stated it was a crash caused by a drunk driver, that being Mister Park. In which he sustained a mild head injury, while Miss Yoon had to be transported to the hospital due to a broken rib and a bruised leg." After a quick look behind him, he turned back to the judge. "If I'm seeing correctly, this document was signed within the walls of this very courthouse. And yet... it has been deleted completely from Mister Park's file."

You decided to stay quiet. You had done your job. You couldn't even look up, knowing disappointed eyes were probably just waiting for you. You had lied to him. Lied to Wonwoo about the scar on your rib. You had mentioned it was due to an injury from falling at the playground as a kid. He brushed it off to be never spoken about it again. And now this.

"So, the all so happy relationship, Mister Park swore to have had with the defendant... doesn't seem to have been all that peaceful after all. That was all, thank you." He bowed before walking back from his spot, joining Wonwoo and Mingyu by the table again.

The all-along so quiet room suddenly shifted as the jury turned to each other to speak at a normal volume, ignoring the room they were still sitting in. Even Jeonghan, who had held back with his objection towards the end, was quick to turn to Chanyeol, who was already raising his voice, standing up to defend himself.

Before it could all escalate too much, Judge Kang got a hold of her hammer, pounding it against the wood to calm the room. "Quiet!" Each person reacted instantly, getting back into their seats, with their eyes on her.

"We will take a ten-minute break. In the meantime, I will go over these documents. The jury is advised to console each other, but not yet come to a conclusion. We will go over everything after the short break, okay? You're dismissed." With one final hit of the hammer, almost everyone stood up. The jury left the room immediately. Chanyeol had pushed himself off the chair aggressively, rushing out as Jeonghan was hot on his heel. Miss Kang passed you quietly while you stood back up, trying to find your breath to face your group of people again.

Before you had even reached them, Jihoon was already in front of you. "What was that? Are you okay?" But you only nodded. "Are you sure?" He asked again. This time, you smiled.

"Yeah..." a faint whisper left your lips as you could suddenly feel your chest lifting again. The tears that had formed vanished all of a sudden, leaving you with a lighter chest and satisfaction rushing through your body.

"Wh-" Mingyu tried to jump into the conversation, but the lawyer stopped him.

"We should maybe continue this outside."

You all nodded along with him, getting ready to leave the room for the break when a voice behind you made you turn around.

"Y/N." Sehun called out for you. He leaned against the desk slightly awkwardly, not knowing what to do with his hands as he took a deep breath. "I'm sorry." If only he knew how much he had helped you. With two big steps, you stopped right in front of him, not even giving him a second to react as you threw your arms around him, pulling him in. He seemed to be taken aback, but you quickly felt his hand patting your back, making you lean back, leaving him to breathe freely again.

"Thank you," you smiled at him before turning back to the three other men who were patiently waiting for you.

-

The three of you had been standing and sitting around in the hallway of the courthouse for the past three minutes and Wonwoo was yet to say something. Jihoon had exclaimed his concerns for you, Mingyu had asked you around ten times if you were truly okay and after assuring him that you had truly never felt better, he had decided to sit down next to you. The CEO was still standing by the wall, looking straight ahead while not really focusing on anything in particular.

As the lawyer and the second CEO had fallen into a conversation, you chose to leave them alone and join Wonwoo. Standing up, you patted down invisible creases on your blouse, getting closer and closer to him with each step you took. Instead of joining him by standing at his side, you stopped right in front of him.

Looking up, he didn't even dare to meet your eyes. He just continued to stare straight ahead. There was an unreadable expression on his face, making you want to step around him as carefully as possible to not disturb whatever was going on in his head. As cold as the entire building of the old courthouse was, the only chill rushing down your spine was due to his glance.

As soon as you tried to open your mouth, he beat you to it. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" At the same time, he lowered his gaze towards you, meeting your pleading eyes, begging him to talk to you. "About what he did."

With a sigh, you let your head hang as you looked to the ground. With a deep breath, you got the courage to speak to him as you interlocked your glances. "I told you, I wanted to forget everything involving him."

"Yeah, but you can't just forget something like that."

"Well, I tried, okay?!" You suddenly found yourself with a raised voice, surprising both of you, as well as Mingyu and Jihoon, who took a quick look at the two of you but continued their conversation once Wonwoo's cold eyes met theirs. "You really think I want to dwell on such a horrible memory of a man? He was a person I once trusted, and he used that trust and misused me! Of course, I'd want to forget that!" You hissed a breath in and out, lowering your voice again. "But what kind of person would I be if I had just let him portray himself as a victim while fifteen other women made a statement about him sexually harassing them... huh? I was able to live with what happened to me, but he... he hurt SO MANY other women... I- I couldn't just let that pass. If none of them wants to face him, fine. But I have the chance, and don't take it?..." With a sigh, you ended your rant. "I couldn't live with myself after that."

He let the silence linger between you for a short moment as he straightened his back, looking at you again. "How long have you planned on doing this? Why didn't you involve me? Or Jihoon at least? Or for whatever reason maybe even Mingyu?"

"Up until that idiot opened his mouth to talk about me, I wasn't even sure that I was going to do it. But... I had to. And I had to do it alone. Do you know how good that feels now?" A chuckle of relief tumbled from your lips as you couldn't hold back your smile. "They have every piece of evidence they need to... fine him, take away his company, put him behind bars or God knows what."

"Come here," he whispered as he took a step forward and opened his arms. You didn't move though. You continued to stand still, your arms crossed in front of your chest as you glanced up at him.

"I don't want a hug." Your comment told him that you would still be mad at him for not understanding your reasoning. But that didn't stop him. With another step, he had invaded your room, engulfing you in the warmth of his arms you had come to find comfort in during so many nights. Once he noticed you weren't moving, he leaned down just a slight bit closer to your ear.

"I'm proud of you," he spoke quietly, making sure only you would be able to hear those words he had chosen for just you. "But I was worried."

With a sigh, you gave in, wrapping your arms around his slim, yet muscle-packed, torso, getting a relieved sigh from him in return.

Before any of you were able to truly enjoy the short moment of intimacy, Mingyu's loud voice rang through your ears.

"Group hug!" With heavy steps, he rushed over to you two, throwing his big arms over your shoulders, underestimating his weight, making you grunt out loud. You could feel Wonwoo's annoyance radiating off him, to which you couldn't help but chuckle, which was quickly joined by Jihoon doing the exact same.

"You don't even know if we won and yet you're celebrating." He approached you with his hands hiding in his pockets, watching you with bright eyes and a wide grin.

"Who cares if we won," Mingyu commented, almost getting interrupted by his best friend, who opened his mouth but was stopped by the slightly bigger man. "Y/N got to say what she needed to say. Park will get what he deserves. Whether that involves our case or not, I really don't care at this point, to be honest."

With a deep sigh, the older man nodded. "That's very cute and I understand that, and Y/N, you know that I support you, but I still have a job here to finish and if we don't win this case... you can fire me."

"We won't fire you," Wonwoo, now behind you, with his palm once again placed comfortably on your lower back.

"No, no," Jihoon glanced at him. "I am begging you to fire me if we don't win this, do you understand me?" Getting a roll of his eyes from the older CEO, while Mingyu just chuckled, patting the smaller man's shoulder assuringly.

Your exchange of words was interrupted by one of the security men that had been standing inside throughout the entire sitting, who was suddenly standing in the hallway.

"Judge Kang is asking you to come back inside, we'll continue." The four of you nodded in synch, each taking one last deep breath in. One last time. Hopefully.

But before any of you could even take one step forward, a shrill voice called out.

"Hold on! Just a minute!" Jeonghan rushed towards you from around the corner, your eyes quickly finding his. "Y/N, a word, please." Motioning at you to follow him.

Your eyebrows shot up at the sudden demand. In what world did he imagine you'd go out of your way to suddenly follow his lead.

"Whatever you have to say to her, you can say here as well." Wonwoo's deep voice vibrated through your entire body. You noticed the microscopic step he took closer as you felt his chest brush against your arm.

Jeonghan shook his head, clearly irritated by the men surrounding you. "Could I please talk to my cousin in private?" Looking straight at the man behind you, expecting another snark from him, when you spoke up.

"No." You crossed your arms in front of your chest in defence. Your body knew which stance to take in right away.

He had betrayed you. You hadn't heard from him in years before you met him in the courtroom again. And out of all the people there were in the world, he chose to support the man you had sworn off your life. The man with the name you had tried to scratch out of every piece of skin on your body that he had touched. A betrayer, a traitor, and a manipulator. That's who Jeonghan was. Quite fitting to Chanyeol. Two fucked-up halves that would make a deadly whole.

"I'm sorry."

...

...

With quiet stares, each one of you looked straight ahead. No one was fully sure of what words had just hit their ear. The movement of his mouth could've possibly been an illusion. That seemed more likely than an actual apology coming from his lips.

"What?" You were the one to break the silence. Instinctively, Wonwoo's hand travelled to the left, his fingers gently curling around your waist.

The step Jeonghan took forward was welcomed as none of you decided to move backwards, letting him know he could continue.

He sighed. "I... I didn't know... about... you know... that." With a stressed breath in, he continued. "When I took on this case, he told me the exact same thing he had told you and the judge. With our history, it didn't take much convincing for me. I knew you and him were... yeah- anyways- but... I swear, I had no idea."

Still unphased by his apology, he resumed his ramble.

"I know you don't think much of me, but not even I would go this low to support someone like that.. and I know that... that- this apology or whatever probably won't mean anything to you-"

"Good that you know that," Wonwoo commented, but Jeonghan chose to ignore him.

"But I mean it. He just confessed everything to me. This is the first time I'm hearing about all of this... and... I can't- and I won't support that. I don't need you to forgive me, I know that won't happen instantly. But I swear to God, Y/N, you can think whatever you want of me, but please don't ever think I'd ever support a guy like that." He took another step forward. "When the accident happened, I heard that you got hit by a drunk driver. Not that... he was the drunk driver."

Still, no words from you, nor Mingyu or Jihoon.

"Anyway," Jeonghan sighed and got ready to turn around, the open doors still waiting for all of you. "I'm sorry." With those last words, he disappeared again, leaving your party in the cold hallway. In silence.

"Oh, wow..."

You couldn't hold back your scoff as you took a step forward, letting Wonwoo's hand drop to his side.

"He didn't mean any of that." You rolled your eyes.

"Huh?" Mingyu's eyebrows shot up as he glanced at you, his puppy eyes reflecting the light perfectly.

"You can't believe anything coming from that guy's mouth." You explained, still not entertaining the possibility of there being any good intentions behind your cousin's actions.

The younger CEO was still confused. "Then why did he say he was sorry?"

"To manipulate us maybe? Make us feel guilty? Give in?" Jihoon thought out loud, joining you and turning around to face the other two men. "Y/N, I wouldn't believe anything he said. She would know." Everyone nodded in synch.

Wonwoo nudged his head towards the door, where the security man was still waiting for you. "Let's get this over with."

-

Each person involved was back in the room. Exodus Entertainment was on the right table, while you and the guys were sitting on the left one. The jury of the very far right side, sitting along the wall was already gazing at you - excitement and interest radiating off them. Judge Kang was back in her seat, her glasses low on the bridge of her nose as she quietly went through the papers in front of her again, which seemed to have gotten more over the break.

If you thought your heart had been pumping hard earlier, while you were seated on the witness stand, it was safe to say, it was about to explode once you had entered the room again. Right where you had left your fear behind.

"Alright," Miss Kang started, taking off her glasses with a deep breath as she let her fingers rake through her hair. "Before we start, does the plaintiff or the defendant have anything to say? You may speak now."

You exchanged glances with Jihoon, who shook his head, telling you to keep low, but your attention was quickly taken away once Jeonghan left his chair to stand up, buttoning his suit jacket and raising his hand.

"Your Honour."

Miss Kang sighed with a forced smile. "Yes, Mister Yoon?"

"May I come forward?"

"Yes, you may."

Each pair of eyes in the room followed him as you abandoned the confused faces of Sehun and Chanyeol, making his way to the middle of the room and the podium. Either time moved painfully slowly, or he moved in slow motion, but either way, the pace was too slow, and you could feel the scream of frustration boiling up in your throat.

Jeonghan cleared his throat and straightened his back. Here we go.

"Your Honour. After consoling my client, we have come to an agreement that I would like to exclaim now."

"Please do," the judge commented on his statement.

"My client, Exodus Entertainment, would like to withdraw their lawsuit against Oksan & Co."

The room fell quiet. This lasted for a second before the next round of tumult rushed through it.

"Excuse me, Mister Yoon?" Miss Kang raised her voice in order to speak over the hushed sounds coming from the jury on the right side. Your eyes were frantically moving from side to side, trying to catch any reaction so you'd know which one to share.

"With immediate effect, Exodus Entertainment takes back each claim made against the defendant Oksan & Co."

Your head immediately shot to Jihoon who kept his gaze straight on Jeonghan, his mouth slightly agape as he was still trying to grasp the situation.

"What's going on here?" You could hear Mingyu whisper from your left, only to be interrupted by the loud voice of Chanyeol slashing through the uproar.

"Your honour-"

Jeonghan cut him off. "My client, Park Chanyeol, also pledges guilty to the charges made against him-"

The sudden knock of wood-on-wood, thanks to the Judge's hammer, let the room calm down again. Chanyeol chose to keep standing up while Sehun leaned back in his chair, a faint smirk making its way onto his face. The jury immediately quieted down along with your group, who still had to let more words drop than Mingyu just had. Jeonghan stood still on the podest.

"Mister Yoon," with the hammer still in her hand, Miss Kang started talking. "Are you aware of what you are doing right now? This will have an immediate effect."

"Yes, your Honour. I am very sorry for the waste of time and patience."

"Your Honour!" Chanyeol raised his hand hastily. "May I speak to my lawyer for a second?"

"Oh," your cousin lowered his head slightly, his voice loud and clear echoing through the speakers. "With immediate effect, I am also withdrawing from my role as Mister Park's lawyer. Thank you." Without another word, Jeonghan took a step back and turned around. After a quick glance in your direction and a tight smile, he passed your tables, only to take a seat on one of the benches behind you, usually preserved for public interests.

Judge Kang didn't even try to hide the amusement making her lips curl into a grin.

"Wow," she chuckled lowly, "Well," she cleared her throat, intertwining her fingers on top of the wooden surface. "Mister Park, you don't seem to have a lawyer to talk to anymore. Anything else you'd like to say?"

You zoned out whatever sorry excuse of an answer he gave her as you turned around, finding Jeonghan's eyes already boring a hole into your head.

"What are you doing?" You whispered, hoping he'd be able to read your lips. You only got a small smile and a nod in return.

"Mister Park-"

"This is a shitshow! What kind of fucking bullshit is this here?!"

"Mister Park, let m-"

"How the fuck is he even allowed to do that?!"

"Mister-"

"I swear to God, I will fucking sue every-"

"Security!" 

Miss Kang's final string of patience officially broke as she called out for one of the men on the side to step in. They acted quickly as two rushed up to each side of Chanyeol's big form which had made its way to the middle of the courtroom, getting dangerously close to the judge.

"You can't do-"

"I can, and I did," she simply told him, making him shut his mouth immediately before she quickly continued, putting her glasses back on as she read out loud. "Mister Park, I will see you again in five days as you will be facing twelve charges of sexual harassment, four charges of sexual assault, forgery of state-protected documents, as well as now contempt of court." She sent a smile his way. "We will speak again. Get him out of my courtroom." Before he was pushed out of the room through a door on the left wall.

Only then were you able to realise what had just happened. You could feel everyone take in a deep breath as soon as he had left the courtroom.

"What... what just happened?" Jihoon hushed underneath his breath, his hands placed on the top of his table as he glanced around the room.

"Well," the judge smiled into the crowd. "Each day, you experience something new." She paused for a second before continuing. "May the defendant please rise."

Still slightly out of it, you felt Wonwoo's tug by your elbow, pushing you to stand up. You joined the other three, staring straight ahead as Miss Kang spoke to you.

"With immediate effect, you are acquitted as the lawsuit of theft and forgery filed by Exodus Entertainment has been dropped." She glanced up from her notes to smile at you. "You are excused. Congratulations."

What was she congratulating for? You didn't win...

You didn't lose, but yet you didn't win... at least it didn't feel like you did. This was the end. The end of it all. Why didn't it feel like it?

You must've overheard Jihoon thanking the judge as you were suddenly escorted out of the room, your bag not even on your shoulder, but in Wonwoo's grip as you left the room altogether. Each bench you passed, and even walking through the doors, back into the hallway could almost be described as a fever dream. The sudden turn of tables and twist of fate felt too good to be true and too much for your own body to handle. It didn't feel right.

"What the fuck was that?!" Wonwoo immediately exclaimed the second you had left the room. "What just happened?!"

Jihoon raised his hands in defence, just as speechless as everyone else. "I- I wish I could tell you."

"What was that move from Yoon?" Mingyu interjected, only getting shrugs in return. "So did he mean what he said?" Another round of shrugs.

A nudge on your arm brought you back. "Hey, you okay?" It was Jihoon. You nodded.

"What the hell happened?" You could only repeat what everyone else was also thinking. "Wh-" You stopped yourself as you were still pretty much unable to form full sentences.

Each one of you had their eyes on different corners of the hallway. Mingyu was focused on the wall, his hand continuously running through his hair. Wonwoo had his arms crossed in front of his chest as he walked up and down a short distance along the side. And Jihoon had chosen to sit down, his head in his hand as he took deep and clear breaths in. You were leaning against the wall, eyes switching between each person while you still tried to find the grasp on reality again.

"From my understanding now," the lawyer started. "Jeonghan turned his back on them... I guess... he maybe wasn't lying in the first place?"

"That's impossible," you scoffed.

"Why?" Jihoon wondered.

You shrugged. "Because that's not who he is."

"Is that what you think of me," your cousin's familiar voice made you turn to the side, taking a step back instantly to create a bigger distance between you two. He shook his head with a chuckle. "I know we've never been on good terms, but God... I wouldn't wish stuff like that upon my worst enemy. Why would I celebrate it happening to my cousin?"

"I'm not saying you celebrated it," you stated.

"Alright," he took a step to the side. "And I'm not going to support a fucking asshole as stupid as him." He found your eyes. "I meant what I said. I'm sorry." Maybe one day you'll be able to believe that he's not the total asshole you had always thought he was. Maybe. Just maybe.

He turned around, bowing his head to each one of you before making his way down the hall, leaving the hell of a building in the past.

"Jeonghan!" You stopped him by the call his name, making him turn around. You pushed yourself forward, stopping right next to Wonwoo.

"Thank you." It may not have been much, but at that point in time, it was all you could've given him.

A smile and a nod later your cousin vanished out the doors, the group of journalists you had already forgotten about immediately swarmed him, leaving almost no room to breathe.

It wasn't a lot, but it was a start. A slow one, but a start. With the memory of the past still in the back of your hand, you were able to thank him for what he had done, but that was about it for now. Yes, there was no deeper reason as to why he had done what he did, at least that from where you stood, but the past would still haunt you for quite a while. A past you no longer had to share with the devil himself though. He was brought to justice. You did it. Not you alone, you were very well aware of that. You saw what a group of united people could do. You watched justice get served. The right decisions were made.

"Well then," Wonwoo sighed out loud. "What does that mean for us now?" The question was clearly directed at Jihoon who had made his way to stop in front of you.

He shrugged. "There's still definitely a lot of paperwork due. All the claims were dropped, but I'm gonna make sure there's no involvement of any of you in his future charges, especially with Y/N." You thanked him with a nod. "But for now," he took a deep breath as his lips curled. "I'd say we did it."

"Why doesn't it feel as satisfying as it should be?" Mingyu suddenly wondered as he showed up on your left.

"Once you see him on TV being escorted behind bars, you'll feel it," the lawyer assured him, getting a chuckle from each of you in return.

"Alright," the older CEO clapped his hands after handing you back your over-the-shoulder bag. His eyes travelled to Mingyu, glancing at him over your head.

"Drinks?" The younger one threw into the room, getting a groan of satisfaction from Jihoon in return.

"Oh, fuck yeah!" Shocking you with his choice of words.

You chuckled at the reaction that followed from the others, watching the pep in his step with amusement.

A hand on your shoulder made you look up to your right. The usual so cold eyes, suddenly turned warm, were already looking at you.

"Drinks?" His voice in his usual depth, sent a wave of warmth into your cheeks.

You bit down on your lip, trying to hide the smile on your face. A faint thought erupted from the depths of your memory. Something you had almost dared to forget. 

"There's one more thing I'd like to do."

Thank you for reading my loves🫶🏼

Taglist: @nctxtrash @leicy0756 @hoe4wonwoo @jeonwonhi @nothingbutadeadesceane @smileywoo @angelarin @onewoowonderboy @goodforgyu @kavvs @sugarmilkchan @sweetheart-gs @wonforgyu @lilactangerine @meltinghershey @wonw00t @soonchanshua @jayswifeuwu @allorysayshi @shaurenlaw @drama-1998-girl @yoonren07 @malakasae @sseuyeon @venusprada @jeminiepabo @billboard-singer @safsaf1980 @monmarguerite @ji-jii-visha @renjunphile @haogyuslut @destinyg237 @taestrwbrry @renkkuri @travelleratheart101 @love-svt @sunshinein17 @morklee02 @wonuziex @pwwarkjisung @hokuuu @clvudisan @awyunh @restlesswritings @woohaosworld @caratlove10 @woo8hao @misssugarlips @heednpy @yogurttea @sigillaria-svt @seungcheolsblog @s-xoups @orujinkoo

[from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras]

Hello my friend!

I am almost embarrassed to ask this of you, and I would never be so bold unless I knew I was approaching someone kind and generous. (Okay I'm going to quit the sucking-up now, though that is all sincere!)

May I have your permission to borrow and use the names and background histories you gave to Théoden's sisters for my own AU? I might tweak a detail here and there to fit my story purposes, but I absolutely love the life you breathed into those shadow characters, and I would love to "cross them over" into my AU. While giving you credit, of course!

I don't mean to come off as lazy, but as I've been mulling over how I need to create baseline histories for Eomer's aunts (for my Change the Stars fic), I could not get out of my mind how brilliantly you already did all that in "Unwary" (those end notes!) and your amazing headcanon post. So much depth and color and thought placed into those princesses of Rohan, and by the House of Eorl expert!

I don't want to you to feel pressured of course, and I will totally understand if you decline. I just did a read-through of your headcanon post recently, was marveling at it, and thought I cannot do better work than what you already did with Thengel's children--so why not just get your headcanons more mileage? :)

Thank you again for the amazing work you do for the Rohan sub-fandom!

I’m a little embarrassed to answer this just because it’s so incredibly nice! My first reaction is definitely an “aw shucks, you are way too kind”!

My second reaction is—by all means, yes! The idea that anyone else finds anything that I made interesting or useful enough to incorporate into something they’re making kind of blows my mind. I’d be thrilled to see any of the sisters pop up in your story/AU, which I am already such a big fan of for so many reasons!!! Change The Stars is way at the top of my long-term hype list, something I am (patiently, no pressure!) waiting for because I know it’s going to be amazing!

[breoasis]

now i wanna know about YOUR ocs!! especially the one in your last drawing i am very intrigued

omg where to start…. first of all i have to say that i don’t really read any books, at least not narrative (and it shows), so i struggle when putting my thoughts into words, even more in english, so i hope i can explain the whole thing properly and not make a very long post at the same time lol

As a brief summary, the story revolves around Elías (white haired anime protagonist) and his day-to-day life in the city. He would live a mostly normal life if it wasn’t for a series of problems or difficulties he’s been already having for some years: memory loss, mixed up memories, sleepwalking, recurring dreams and nightmares, waking up in places that aren’t his room... He has no clue what’s wrong with him, nor what is happening to him, so he has to shape his whole life around whatever is going on and hope that everything goes okay somehow. Basically, the story is about his struggles (and murder too, there’s death and murder, i’ll get into more detail another day).

The city (the main setting) is loosely based in the city of Vigo (Galiza) during the 1920s aprox. I’m very far from an expert on that time period so don’t expect everything to be 100% accurate, i’m just going on pure vibes and the fact that there’s lots of pictures of Vigo from that time that i can use as reference.

About the characters, these are the main four (from left to right: Elías, Loreto, Gavriel and Iria). Hope the little chibis do them justice lol it’s the best picture that i have rn of those three together.

Elías, or Eli for short, is the main character, he works in the fishing harbour and lives in a cheap hotel room in the city. I already talked about him so that’s all the introduction he gets now.

Gavriel (Gavi) is just some guy who was lucky to be adopted into a rich family, so he does literally nothing the whole day and has everything given to him by Loreto (older sister), who spoils him like a little toddler because he’s the only family she has. He and Eli become friends as the story progresses and i guess he’s the second most important character in the plot, after Elías of course.

Loreto is Gavi’s older sister as i already mentioned, succesful businesswoman tm who’s fed up with everyone and everything.

And then Iria, she’s the only one out these four who doesn’t live in the city, as she lives with her family in a manor in the countryside, not too far from the city but not close enough. She actually isn’t part of the “present time” in the story either. Eli used to work for her family before moving to the city and they haven’t seen each other since.

Anyways i hope this is good enough of an answer 🙏 I will write a longer and more detailed post another time maybe perhaps.. A little fun fact: the only reason Eli has white hair is because that's the only trait left from when i originally designed him in 2012 (wow) and i can't get rid of it, so he will be the anime protagonist tm forever..... if he were to be a new character he would definitely not have white hair

[sesshy380]

Heeeeeya <3 for your Halloween prompts!

How about:

Red + Violet + 2!

So, I have this labeled as 'Halloween Casteshipping' in my WiP's, but it's more like the very early stages of Casteshipping lol

As for the prompt...

Below the cut for results!

“Why the fuck am I here again?” Bakhure growled.

“This is the one evening where the veil between realms is thin enough to pass through,” Atem replied.

“That doesn’t answer why I’m here.”

Atem casually walked down the street, admiring all the people dressed up for the day.

“Your host was into the occult. I figured that would make you the resident expert when it comes to this ‘Halloween’.”

“You saved me from being devoured by Ammit just because you thought my host was into black cats and voodoo dolls?”

Atem looked over at the Thief. “You almost sound disappointed about not being eaten…”

Bakhure folded his arms and looked away, not daring to reply.

“So what is it that you need to know?” he asked without looking back in the Pharaoh’s direction.

“Well, we already managed to walk through the veil, so I already have that answer. How long do you think we can stay here?”

Bakhure thought for a long moment before replying.

“Hard to say. One set of texts will say it’s pretty much a Cinderella situation where we have to be back before the stroke of midnight, another will say before sunrise. There’s not really a definitive answer in that regard. Plus in our case, there’s no telling if it’s our midnight or sunrise, or theirs.”

“Then I guess we’d better not waste time if we’re going to find them,” Atem stated while marching full speed ahead towards a large group of people.

Without thinking, Bakhure reached out and caught Atem by the wrist before he managed to get too far.

“Whoa! What the fuck do you mean ‘if we’re going to find them’? I have no intention of seeking out my former host, and frankly, I don’t think you’d be doing the shrimp any favors if you just appeared suddenly only to leave again. We. Are. Dead. It’s best to leave it that way.” Bakhure stated firmly.

Atem stood there, head lowered for a brief moment, before he jerked his wrist free of the Thief’s grasp and stormed off into the crowd.

Bakhure growled in annoyance, then turned with a dismissive wave with both hands. “I hope you turn to fucking dust. I’m heading back,” he said aloud to no one but himself.

He didn’t make it more than a few steps when a dark feline appeared and sat down before him; a pair of bright blue eyes jumping out in stark contrast to its face.

“Don’t give me that look. Coming here was not my idea.”

The cat sat there, just staring at him with narrowed eyes.

“What the fuck do I look like, his babysitter?”

The cat meowed in response.

“No! Absolutely not! If the Gods want their precious Pharaoh to return safely, they can do it their fucking selves!”

The cat continued to sit there, unmoved by his outburst.

Bakhure placed a hand over his face, dragging it down while sighing loudly in exasperation.

“Fine. But you better tell those assholes that they owe me one.”

The cat vanished in a swirl of blue flame, prompting another exasperated sigh from Bakhure as he took off to a nearby alley to summon Diabound; the now-invisible pair taking off into the sky to search for Atem from above.

“You’d think he’d be easier to spot with that stupid hair of his,” Bakhure grumbled after a few minutes of searching and coming up empty. “How fucking far could he have gotten?” he questioned while poking his head through the wall of one of the many clubs in the area.

He grumbled as he continued in his search, quietly spewing a string of curses over the situation. Just as he was about to say to hell with it all, he spotted that very distinct head of hair just standing dumbfounded in the middle of a crosswalk with cars honking at him.

Bakhure quickly directed Diabound to grab the idiot before he got himself run over.

“What the fuck were you thinking just standing in the middle of the street like that?!” he shouted once they were somewhere safe. He grabbed Atem by the shoulders and attempted to shake some sense into the idiot. “You don’t know what will happen if you die here!”

Atem blinked a few times, as though still processing things.

"A black cat just ran up my leg and smacked me in the face. Does that mean I've been blessed by the Halloween gods?"

Now it was Bakhure’s turn to be dumbfounded. That was what had stopped the Pharaoh in his tracks? Getting hit in the face with a fuzzy paw and wondering if it was a blessing from some random ‘Halloween god’?

“You…are an idiot.”

He released the Pharaoh and brought his hands down his face while sighing loudly in exasperation.

“How about we try this again next year after we’ve worked out all the little nuances?” he said after a long moment, heading back to Diabound and motioning for Atem to follow.

“You’d willingly help me with this?” Atem asked in confusion.

Bakhure glanced back. “Yes, but don’t read anything into it. The only time I do anything for anyone else is if it somehow benefits me in the end.”

Atem smiled and followed the Thief back to his ka.

“Ew. Put that thing away. The only look I ever want to see on your face when looking at me is the one that says you want to punch me,” Bakhure stated in regards to the Pharaoh’s smile. “Now let’s get back before we discover the hard way what would happen if Cinderella transformed back in the middle of the ballroom.”

[autistichalsin]

That journal passage on Aradin's company strikes me as holding a mirror against the Pc's company. Halsin was so isolated and desperate, in his cause against the curse, and in general, to have to rely on the help of likely dangerous strangers in order to move forward several times, repeating a situation that nearly ended him once already, had him be left to be tortured for days, the bear saving him only so much. How many times might he have tried the same before that entry, knowing full well the dangers, but trying anyway? How many times to also go alone, through the mountain pass, and nearly die?

I also wonder if perhaps the enclave rushed to place him as archdruid on the basis of being, at the time, the most experienced survivor of the first battle against the curse among the grove, what was left of it then. He was their the ad-hoc expert on the ground, his research into the curse further cementing his position over the years, even as the curse stopped spreading, his discontent at the position notwithstanding. Should the curse extend, they had a very experienced sentinel already in place to know best what to expect and survive long enough to give further warning. But that isolated him more, since his call to act was not shared by those that could best help him among his peers and betters.

And he likely also saw that for the best, having witnessed the prior druids die at the hand of the curse.

He truly thought the curse was his burden to bear alone, survivor's guilt spurring him, grieving over Thaniel and the land on his own, and did not insist further for anyone to help. Unless you had a path to those lands without his influence, he would not request anyone attempt to go on his behalf directly. Being so isolated likely also contributed to his disregard for his safety, since he was leveraging his well being against Thaniel's, what he believed to be the last creature to care whether about him he lived or died.

I am consumed by thoughts of this bear druid! What a tragic sort he is...

That is definitely an interesting point and it occurred to me as well; Halsin is in a similar situation that went wrong compared to the player. It's interesting to note there's a party banter that sort of alludes to this as well. Wyll asks how Halsin could have been captured by goblins, and he cites sheer numbers plus the poor choice of traveling companions. Which he says has been "gladly rectified since then."

I am not entirely sure if that was the Enclave's reasoning; he has a note where he mentions they declined to help with the Shadow-Cursed Lands despite his urging. If they were trying to help in any way, I think they would have done more than appoint him Archdruid. I do think the battle had something to do with it, granted- I just think it's because he demonstrated leadership skills in the aftermath by rounding up the survivors, tending to them, etc.

I fully agree about the isolation- it's one of the most tragic parts of his character. :( And him thinking the curse is his burden is also very telling. In an older version of the game, it was possible for the player to collapse the portal after he made it but before he went in; he would scream at the player (justifiably) and specifically say, "I told you this was my burden to carry! Why didn't you listen?" He saw it as not only something he had to face alone, but perhaps as something that no one would even WANT to face with him. The player just might have been the first to truly offer him help- and even then he had to tell them that as much as he'd rather have them by his side, he has to face the Shadowfell alone. (Though now that I think about it, it does seem like excellent fic material, the player accompanying him there. I imagine it wasn't a pleasant experience for him, and though focusing on Thaniel probably made it easier for him to bear, he'd probably have liked to have the player too!

I love the tragedy of his character too; he struggles with so many things but keeps them so quiet compared to other characters, which just makes it all the sadder, knowing he views his burdens as less important than theirs.

[suzieb-fit]

Had a late snack yesterday. But it's a bit stupid. It's like I made myself do it, lol. I could have quite happily started my timer after dinner, as usual.

No matter how much I try change things to pull away from my long standing issues with eating, I now recognise that I'm just swapping one disordered eating behaviour for another.

That all started after my type one diabetes diagnosis at age 14.

Now that's a whole essay on its own, so I'm not going to get going on that one this morning 😂.

I do occasionally simply want an evening snack, and I can justify it easily because of my lifestyle, etc.

That's fine. But eating for the sake of it to prove just how "free and in control" I am? Well that's just ridiculous. And obviously proves exactly the opposite!

So anyway, back to today.

I got up late. Just didn't want to move! But I did. I made my protein decaff (pre-blended my milk and whey powder last night. Shaking it up in the sealed cup just doesn't cut it, lol).

Lovely and bright out there. I also went against all the sleep hygiene "experts" and left my curtains open last night. Wanted the sunrise to fill my environment before even getting out of bed. And it didn't affect my sleep at all. If anything, I actually slept longer before waking up for the first time. And that was around 4am, when the sun was starting to rise. That tells you something, I guess!

So I call my protein decaff my "pre-breakfast". Just made that up. Yes, I'm breaking my fast, but my real breakfast is back at home. My beloved nuts and collagen coffee.

My blood sugar is still way too high. Ridiculously so this morning, actually.

Just when I thought this insulin pump system was doing a better job. Nope.

I decided to get a high intensity workout in before lunch.

More work for my lower body, and definitely work for my cardiovascular health!

I am once again rethinking my nutrition.

Back to highest percentage of calories from fat, a lower (but still pretty high) percentage of protein and lowest of all for carbs.

My goal breakdown is 55% fat, 35% protein, 10% carbs.

But I'm not going to obsessively tweak, adjust or drive myself crazy by trying to hit those numbers too strictly.

Yes, I personally feel better tracking my food. That's one of my habits that helps that relationship with food. It's how I keep control.

Forever an ongoing work in progress!

So that meant cheese with my lunch again. It's been a while!

Plus sardines are already high in (healthy) fats.

Tiny scrap of greenery to throw in a few beneficial polyphenols.

And hard boiled egg. Eggs are fantastic!

It's interesting to see the difference exercise makes to my food diary.

That whole "calories in/calories out" principle is pretty much just theory. And a very feeble one at that. I only take notice of what I'm eating. Focusing on macro quantity AND quality. But yep, still interesting to look at the comparisons on the app on the rare occasion.

I knew I needed some yoga. My back isn't happy. The homeopath asked me lots of questions about that today. Everything seems pretty "high end" in terns of all my health concerns right now.

She is going to try yet another new remedy. This will ge the fourth attempt.

But hey, I guess that's partly what I'm paying her for. To find something that actually works!

So an average day in general. Not great, not terrible. That's good enough for me.

Gotta keep fighting, moving and smiling 👍

[viv-hollande]

As Promised, The Israel-Palestine Megapost of Doom

Content Warning: This post discusses both the history of the Israel-Palestine conflict and the current Israel-Gaza War. As such, it contains frank discussions of apartheid, war crimes, crimes against humanity, genocides both past and present, racism, antisemitism, colonialism, terrorism and more. As an additional tone warning, I guess: I am by nature a pretty flippant person. I’ve been criticized for that in the past, and probably will be again in the future. I don’t know if it's just who I am, or if maybe I need a therapist. I have tried to reign in some of my worse impulses, especially when talking about the actual events themselves, to try to give due respect to those affected. Nevertheless, if that kind of attitude offends or disturbs you, maybe sit this one out. 

This post is brought to you in its current form thanks to the generous actions of Dr. Henry Kissinger, whose untimely death many decades after it was deserved nevertheless brought me joy great enough to drag me out of angryposting mode and into hopefully more coherent essay-writing mode. So here is the partially revised, partially rewritten, and greatly expanded post that I promised. 

While I don’t have a cohesive thesis, I have written this with the intention of addressing/responding to the state of conversation around the Israel-Palestine conflict, and around the ongoing Israel-Gaza crisis. I am focusing substantially on the online discourse because it’s the only thing I have even a chance of changing. I’m a soon-to-no-longer-be-teenage college sophomore without a lot of disposable income. I’ve already called my Senators and House Rep. I really don’t have much influence beyond my power to try to persuade random internet users to be less bad. 

I’ve tried to restrain my tendency for purple prose, self-righteousness, and gratuitous moral judgements; you can be the judge of whether or not I succeeded. I know that I am definitely not an expert or authority on this topic, but neither is most anyone else on this fucking website. It didn’t stop them and it won’t stop me. 

But before that, some brief words on my previous post. Unlike my usual angryposting where I tend to regret everything I say and do while in the anger spiral, I can actually say that I stand by more or less everything I said in that post. I do have one correction and one clarification though. Clarification: the “Stealth Echoes” I am referring to are instances where the word Israel or Israeli are placed in quotation marks specifically. Example: As per a spokesperson of the “Israeli” Defense Forces, “Something something ceasefire violation.” Used as such, the “Stealth Echoes” around Israel or Israeli are used to signal belief in the illegitimacy of Israel. It’s literally just (((echoes))) revived. A few people thought I was talking about the use of quotes in quotation marks. Now, the correction: in my anger, I believe that I overstated the prevalence of the “Stealth Echoes”. I said 20-40%, which upon reflection was too high, brought on by seeing a long string of said posts in rapid succession. I would now say that the figure is closer to 5-10%, jumping up to 10-15% if you include instances of censoring Israeli like I*****i and the use of words like Isntreal. I feel that as a practical matter they are indistinguishable; they serve the same purpose. Whatever the number, it is too damn high and should not be going unchallenged. If you’re using them, stop. If you see someone else use them, either in a tweet or on Tumblr, don’t share them. 

That done, on with the post!

To start with, I want to establish some important concepts and ideas that I’m going to expand upon later so that you are aware and thinking about them going in. Some of these will seem pretty basic, but they are important. Trust me. 

Words mean things. Seriously. Words have meaning, both in isolation and as part of sentences. Many words have very specific meanings, and it is important to use them correctly. Incorrect usage of words deprives language of its utility and power. At certain points in this essay, you might think that I am being overly pedantic, but that specificity is important. 

Humans possess a strong drive to create narratives, especially out of history. This is normal; almost all humans do it. However, the tendency towards narrative creates a pitfall where the narrative begins to supplant the actual events in discussion and popular consciousness. Actual history is reshaped, often through omission or erasure, to fit the existing narrative. It is this narrative, not the actual history, that informs attitudes and debate. This is a problem for all history, but especially with a history as long, divisive, and deeply emotionally effective as the Israel-Palestine conflict. 

Pragmatism and idealism are broadly speaking two competing approaches towards making plans and decisions. Pragmatism is generally concerned with evaluating the state of reality and making decisions based on their objective practical effects. Though they are not necessarily incompatible, pragmatism possesses no inherent obligations to concepts like justice, morality, or good. Idealism, by contrast, is concerned with defining what the world should look like and aims to achieve that goal. This ideal world can theoretically be informed by anything, but is usually defined by morality. I generally believe that what is is more important than what should be. Whether in matters of politics, diplomacy, or war, it is better to evaluate the state of reality as best you can and tailor your goals to what is practically achievable rather than trying to force reality to conform to your idealized future. 

In general, I will try to avoid ascribing intent to any individual or action, except where I feel that concrete evidence of intent is publicly available. Astute readers may know where I am going with this. 

Rivers of ink have been spilled teasing apart the differences between Israelis, Jews, Zionists, Palestinians, Arabs, Muslims, and more, and between Palestine and Israel. This post is long enough without retreading all of that here. Nevertheless, I will do my best to use specific, accurate terminology where applicable. 

The past is not the present. There are many facets to this point, and they will come up fairly often. For now, just keep this in mind. 

With that over with, on to…

Anti-Colonialism & History

The Israel-Palestine conflict is usually characterized by the pro-Palestinian camp as an anti-colonialist struggle. In isolation, this is not a statement that I would disagree with. The modern history of Israel and Palestine is a history of colonialism, or near enough for government work. However, as I mentioned earlier, the actual history of Israel and Palestine has been reduced to a simplified narrative of righteous anti-colonialist struggle. That narrative erases the genuine complexity and nuance that is present in the Israel-Palestine conflict. I have not the time, patience, nor expertise to explain the 100+ year long history of this conflict; for a reasonably comprehensive, and as far as I know, accurate summation of the origins and course of the conflict, see this video. However, I do want to note some things that I see as important to the conflict or my arguments about it. 

The Jews, whether defined as a group ethnically or religiously, have a historical connection to the land of Israel, and thus possess a potentially (we’ll get to it) legitimate claim to the land; this is, in my opinion, an important intellectual and practical difference from other examples of colonialism.

The ideological motivation behind Zionism was and still is complex, but an important and undeniable part was a desire for a safe haven from antisemitism. Keep in mind, Zionism as an idea first began to spread in earnest in the latter half of the 19th century, during an aggressively antisemitic period in European history. France experienced a surge in the popularity of antisemitic, pro-Catholic revanchists, monarchists and proto-fascists after their defeat in the Franco-Prussian War; this would culminate in the Dreyfus Affair. The Catholic Church itself was a powerful institutional advocate of antisemitism. It took until the Second Vatican Council, in the 1960s, for the Catholic Church to declare as official church doctrine that Jews, literally all Jews, past, present, and future were not in fact categorically guilty of the death of Christ, as had been church doctrine for literal centuries. The 1960s. Russia experienced wave after wave of violent anti-Jewish pogroms that lasted well into the 1920s, only really ending after the Bolsheviks victory in the Russian Civil War (though this would not be the end of Russian, and later Soviet, antisemitism). The rise of German nationalism was intimately and irrevocably tied in with antisemitism's rise to cultural ubiquity in the German Empire and later Weimar Germany. Even in the United Kingdom, which in the 19th and 20th centuries was positively tolerant by contemporary European standards, reflected in to appointment of Jews in prominent political positions up to and including Prime Ministers, was facing a resurgence in antisemitism. It may seem that I'm harping on the point for far too long, but a) I want to emphasize the truly dire straits facing the Jewish diaspora even before the Holocaust and b) while I would like to believe that the historical threat of antisemitism is accepted as common knowledge, I have been wrong before. See also: previous angry rant.

This point is possibly the most important: many Zionists, before and after the Holocaust, believed that the only way to secure the safety of the Jews in Israel was the creation of a Jewish majority state. Back when the land that was to become Israel and Palestine was believed to be mostly empty, this would have seemed easy to achieve by simply settling the area with a new Jewish population. However, after it became known that the land intended for a Jewish state was in fact inhabited, and by a substantial population no less, any intelligent Zionist would have known that the creation of any substantial Jewish majority state would require the forced eviction of the land's extant, mostly Arabic population.

I was struggling to find a place for this, so it’s going here. I have thus far avoided the use of a popular term used in relation to Israel; settler-colonialism. I have avoided its use because I see it as overused, poorly defined, and ahistorical. According to Wikipedia, accessed 30 November 2023, “Settler colonialism occurs when colonizers invade and occupy territory to permanently replace the existing society with the society of the colonizers.” If defined as such, I argue that the term settler-colonialism is practically useless because it describes literal millennia of human history. Using this definition, I have compiled a non-comprehensive list of examples of settler-colonialism, in roughly reverse chronological order: Israeli settlements in Gaza, Russification of Kaliningrad, Russification of the Crimean Peninsula, Sinicization in Xinjiang and Tibet, started by the late Qing and restarted by the PRC, British conquest of independent Boer states, Boer conquest of modern day South Africa, Ottoman colonization of Greece and the Aegean Islands, Russian conquest of Siberia, the Japanese colonization of Korea and Taiwan, centuries of successful and failed conquests of Cambodia by Vietnamese and Thai kingdoms, conquests by the Inca Empire, European colonization of the Americas, Venetian colonization across the Ionian and Mediterranean Seas, Turkic migrations into Central Asia and Anatolia, the Mongol conquests, the maritime empires of Indonesia, the Muslim conquests and subsequent Arabicization of North Africa and the Middle East, the entire history of the Roman Empire, any of the dozens of examples of Classical Greek colonies in Greece, Anatolia, Sicily, and southern Italy, the Achemenid conquests. Hell, the Phoenecians were so into colonization that one of their colonies eventually became a colonial empire in and of itself, and if you believe that all of those colonies were established on empty, virgin land then I got a seaside condo in Almaty to sell you. Though I don’t have time to go through them all, all of the above examples have either been cited by academics as examples of settler-colonialism, or share substantial commonalities with cited examples in my opinion. My problem with settler-colonialism as a term is that it is fundamentally based in modern concepts of indigeneity and nationalism. To put it bluntly, applying ahistorical modern concepts to a time and place that knew nothing of them is stupid. The vague definitions and overuse of the term compound these problems and threaten to misrepresent a near-universal human practice as an exclusively Western European phenomenon, and serve to complicate and frustrate conversation around instances where a more specific definition would be useful to meaningfully distinguish between it and other colonial projects; South Africa being a prime example. Specific language used accurately is important. All that being said, modern European colonialism more broadly and the effects thereof are important fields of study, and due to both temporal proximity and geographical reach, colonialism as it was practiced by modern European empires has had an outsized negative impact on the living conditions of billions of people currently alive in the year 2023. Sorry for all that, I just had to get it off of my chest. 

So, back to the problem at hand. The point of view that sees Zionism as simply another expression of European colonialism is, in my opinion, oversimplified or even outright wrong. The fundamental problem with viewing Zionism as just another European colonial endeavor is that European Jews were generally not seen as European, but as either foreign invaders or domestic subversives. European Jews were generally excluded from the national identities developing across Europe, with very few exceptions. Where Zionism did recieve gentile support, it was secured through moral arguments and intellectual persuasion, not sinister influence. Zionism, while it was influenced by colonialism, Orientalism, and even aspects of white supremacy, was an intellectual idea and practical endeavor primarily advocated by a subset of the Jewish diaspora. In contrast to European colonialism, which was motivated in part or in whole by a mix of greed, national pride, white supremacy, and the belief in a ‘benevolent’ civilizing and christianizing mission, the intellectual underpinning of Zionism is the belief that the Jewish people possess the most legitimate claim to the land that is now Israel and Palestine as their historical homeland. That belief beggars an obvious question: do they? 

Maybe?!

This is a large part of the reason why arguments about Zionism get so tangled and ugly and GAHH!. Zionism is the product of applying late 19th century concepts of nationalism and a people’s right to a homeland to a people exiled from their homeland over a thousand years before. Except it’s still more complicated than that, because the return of the Jews to Israel is an idea that is as old as the exodus itself. So the end result is that who you support is often decided by your personal answer to any number of thorny, complicated questions. Are the Jews indigenous to Israel? Are the Arabs indigenous to Palestine? If a people are expelled from their land, do they have the right to return? If yes, does that right expire? If it does, then how long does it last? Should special privilege be afforded to a people without a current homeland? What about a people who have experienced suppression, violence, and social rejection? Is it possible for a land to have multiple indigenous groups? If so, what about the right to return? Can one indigenous group act in a colonialist or imperialist manner towards another? 

These questions do have answers, but even a simple yes or no requires additional explanation, elaboration, and will inevitably conflict with opposing answers. The concepts they rest on are complicated and nuanced. One that I’ve mentioned before, and one that you’re probably sick of hearing about at this point, is indigeneity. The reason I harp on this is because it is another modern idea, overused and poorly defined, that is useful, but whose applicability is less universal that an America-centric conception would suggest. Unlike in the Americas, where the dividing line between indigenous and immigrant is fairly clean cut, the Old World’s long list of conquests, migrations, depopulations, pandemics, and famines make the concept of indigeneity really fucking messy. As an example, consider the Turks. The Turks live in Turkey, or at least most of them do. Turkish nationalism, as it developed in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, considers Anatolia to be the homeland of the Turkish people. Do you know where the Turks are from? 

Mongolia. 

Or at least that general area. Archeological evidence is a little vague. I had a summary of that whole process here, but it was too long and I cut it. Summary2, the Seljuk Turks came to rule over Anatolia in the 10th century, starting a roughly 1000 year long process of cultural, ethnic, and linguistic conversion. In the late 19th century, the multiethnic but Turkish-ruled Ottomans began to develop and promote Turkish nationalism, partly in response to European nationalism. Because the Turkish people lived mostly in Anatolia when Turkish nationalism was developed, modern day Turkey adopted the status of homeland to the Turks. In conclusion, shit’s wack. 

This is just one of literally thousands of examples of ways in which the concepts of nationalism and indigeneity are, seriously, I’m not just saying words here, complicated. They just are. These questions don’t have simple, satisfying answers and the discussion around them should reflect the nuances of the situation, but usually don't. 

I have seen people expressing sentiments along the lines of, “Sitting back and debating the inexhaustible complexity of the Israel-Palestine conflict ad nauseam is obscuring the active suffering of the Palestinian people.” This is a sentiment that I understand, but do not agree with. It is important to talk about the abuses that Israel is committing in Gaza and in the West Bank, and to condemn them as criminal and immoral. But the discussion around the Israel-Gaza War does not take place in a vacuum. Discussions of the current war and of the wider conflict inevitably leave the realm of discussing what just happened and enter the realm of why. And the answer to that why? is almost inevitably wrapped up in narrative. There is an overwhelming tendency for the pro-Palestinian camp to reject the idea that Zionism might, in even a small way, have a legitimate argument. For most of the pro-Palestinian camp, the answer to the fundamental underlying question of Zionism, are the Jews indigenous to Israel? is no. Full stop. That is the narrative of Palestinian resistance. That is the narrative of anti-colonialism. That is the narrative that says that Israel is a European settler-colony. That is the narrative that delegitimizes the State of Israel. And that is a narrative that needs to change because that narrative makes negotiation and compromise impossible. Delegitimization is to nation-states what dehumanization is to people. Throughout the entirety of the American Civil War, President Lincoln referred to the conflict as a “rebellion” and the Confederacy as “rebels”, “insurrectionists”, or “traitors”. Direct quotes. A legitimate state possesses rights, can be negotiated with, and once recognized cannot be derecognized easily. An illegitimate entity must be crushed. Regardless of the crimes of Israel, and oh boy, are we going to get into those, an end to the Israel-Palestine conflict will have to be a negotiated resolution, because Israel isn’t going away. 

I have my own personal beliefs about all of the above questions and more. I won’t share them because they aren’t important, and it's not really my place. However, to reiterate some of what I have said; I do think that the history of Israel and Palestine can be accurately characterized as a colonialist history, but I feel that the narrative of anti-colonialism papers over the moral complexity of the situation and intentionally delegitimizes Zionism and Israel.

Now, you may have noticed that I’ve mostly been focusing on my problems with the pro-Palestian side, for several reasons. Once again, this essay is supposed to be less about the conflict itself and more about the narratives that I have been seeing online. Since this is an overwhelmingly pro-Palestinian website, addressing that narrative has taken precedence. For that same reason, posting anti-Israeli content does feel a little bit like preaching to the choir. Nevertheless, I have many, many thoughts about Israel and the pro-Israeli narratives, and I clearly have no compunctions whatsoever about screaming my bullshit into the void, so let us now talk about… 

Israel & Narrative

And also a little bit more about the Palestinian narrative. Sorry, everything’s kinda interconnected and it's hard to separate sometimes. 

So I know that I tagged my last post as “kicking the hornets’ nest”, but this next bit is more like throwing a hornets’ nest at a bees’ nest sitting on the back of a tiger, but here goes. 

For at least 90% of the people on this site, the history of the Israel-Palestine conflict is completely irrelevant, except for its utility in constructing narratives. 

A bold statement, you say. Well yes, but it’s a bold statement that I will stand by. Most of the discussion on this website, and elsewhere, is being driven by people for whom the history of the Israel-Palestine conflict is either an academic matter, or a cudgel to beat their opponents with. There are, as always, a few exceptions. The Holocaust is one, in no small part due to its scope and relevance even outside Israel-Palestine. The First Arab-Israeli War, and concurrently the Nakba, is another due to its status as as the opening salvo of the Israel-Palestine conflict, due to the immense suffering it caused to the Palestinian people, and due to its close relationship with the right of return, which holds importance both as narrative component and as a practical political issue directly affecting the lives millions of Palestinians. Things are messy and everything has caveats. 

Jupiter the nonbinary MCR stan from Wisconsin did not buy an authentic keffiyeh from a Palestinian factory or participate in the local Free Palestine march because they’re intimately versed in and personally affected by the geopolitics of the Six-Day War. 

They’re doing all of that because Israel is a colonialist Amerikkkan puppet that attacks its neighbors without provocation, and Bibi’s latest genocide just killed a few 9/11s worth of children. 

David, 41-year-old 4chan refugee, closet brony, “Classical Liberal” of the Carl Benjamin variety, born and raised in Buttfuck, Upstate NY, isn’t ranting and raging about the ceasefire agitators over Thanksgiving dinner because he’s thoroughly studied and is greatly aggrieved of the history of terrorism in the Palestinian liberation movement, or because he put the work in to fully understand the 2006 elections in Gaza and wholeheartedly regrets their outcome. 

He’s worked up ‘cause the bus-bombing towelheads have done it again, and he doesn’t give a hoot how many Gazans die ‘cause they shoulda known who they was votin’ for. 

Tumblr user viv-hollande, pro-incest Kaeluc truther from [redacted] USA wasn’t crouched over the toilet losing his lunch studying the long, tragic history of the Israel-Palestine crisis. 

He was losing his lunch because they just bombed a hospital, 500 people are dead, the bastards did it and they’ll deny it just like with Hook and Miller and Abu Akleh, shitting hells it’s never going to end- 

viv-hollande jumped to a conclusion that was informed by a narrative, and proceeded to waste several hours angrily arguing with an Israeli Tumblr user and stubbornly denying credible evidence and what he was seeing with his own eyes because of a narrative, much of which he read about but did not live through. There remain many questions about what happened at al-Ahli Arab Hospital, but the preponderance of evidence has fallen on the side of a Palestinian misfire. If you think that the evidence provided by over a dozen governments, media outlets, and independent analysts was all fabricated on the orders of Puppet-master Bibi, stop. You’re being an antisemite. Please learn from my fuckup. 

The above statement mostly applies to the world worth of spectators to this conflict and not to Israelis and Palestinians themselves. For those who lived through those events, or who have family who lived through them, there is obviously a direct personal connection to that history which, on a human scale at least, really isn’t that old. There are survivors of both the Holocaust and the Nakba still around. 

I also want to re-emphasize, just in case it got lost in the sludge, that the above statement concerns the history of the Israel-Palestine conflict, not current events. Even for those far removed from the conflict, witnessing the ongoing bloodshed in real time is still a traumatic experience that is bound to provoke strong emotional responses and influence people’s position on the wider conflict. Narrative or no, seeing dead children is going to have an effect on you. 

With that out of the way, on to the actual pro-Israeli narrative. In no small part due to less exposure, I am less confident in my analysis of the pro-Israeli narrative than I am of the pro-Palestinian narrative, especially as it pertains to Americans arguing online. But, I have divined a few significant main points. 

One of the most important parts of the pro-Israeli point of view is that of a siege narrative. The Israeli narrative holds that the state of Israel has existed under the threat of existential annihilation since its inception. I have also seen in many places a direct conflation of the military and political threats to Israel’s existence with the wider history of antisemitism and specifically with the Holocaust. This goes all the way up to Benjamin Netenyahu himself, who falsely claimed, among other wrong things, that it was the Grand Mufti of Palestine who convinced Hitler to order the Holocaust. This statement was roundly condemned by basically everyone, whether Jewish, Israeli, or Palestinian, for good reason. It’s tantamount to Holocaust denialism. 

The pro-Israeli narrative fundamentally denies the legitimacy and/or existence of Palestinian identity and a Palestinian state. In many cases, it denies the Palestinian right to a state in Palestine at all. This stance is directly related to the perceived necessity for a Jewish-majority Israel, and serves to facilitate the forced removal of the Palestinians from Israel and Palestine. In addition to being morally abhorrent, this stance represents a fundamental obstacle to a negotiated end to the conflict. While I can’t prove it, I very much suspect that some, especially the loudest deniers of Palestinian identity, are aware of this and continue to do so intentionally to undermine peace and facilitate Israel’s continued expansion at Palestinian expense. 

For Americans, especially after 9/11, the narrative of the Israel-Palestine conflict has been folded into the wider narrative of the War on Terror. Israel-Palestine and the War on Terror are connected, but that connection is a lot more complicated than the American narrative, which, in its own racist, uninformed way, can’t tell the difference between Palestians, Arabs, Muslims, Iranians, Afghans, and the completely uninvolved Sikhs, several of whom nevertheless were attacked and killed by racist, overzealous American “patriots”. This conflation degrades the conversation around the Israel-Palestine conflict and reduces the legitimacy of the Palestinian cause. And while this last bit is essentially unfalsifiable conjecture, I suspect that the collapse of the War on Terror, and the changing narratives around it, plays a part in why the reaction to the current war has been substantially more pro-Palestinian than past flare ups. 

As you can see, Israel and its advocates are guilty of many of the same tactics and narrative techniques that I criticized so fervently among Palestinians. The biggest, and most infuriating, has been the consistent denial of Palestinian identity and insistence that Jews/Israelis are the one and only true indigenous people in Israel and Palestine, and the consistent delegitimization of any Palestinian state. This attitude has no doubt played a significant role in prolonging and extending the conflict, and with it the suffering of the Palestinian people. For more details on that suffering, let us now turn to…

Israel & War Crimes

“Israel is definitely committing a campaign of forced displacement, possibly amounting to ethnic cleansing, but I remain unconvinced of the crime of genocide,” - viv-hollande

The above statement in my previous post generated some pushback. I expected this, and planned to dedicate a whole section of the longer essay to supporting this claim, and elaborate on my meaning. Here is that. Oh, and full disclosure, this is probably the most pedantic that I am going to get in this, and I fully expect that that will piss people off for eminently understandable reasons. Nevertheless here I go. 

I would like to start by recalling the first of my establishing points: words have meanings, some words have very specific meanings, and it is important to use words with specific meanings correctly or else risk the degradation and dilution of the words themselves. Meaningless words are useless. With that out of the way: 

Genocide, as defined by the Convention on the Prevention and Punishment of the Crime of Genocide, is defined as any of five acts committed with intent to destroy, in whole or in part, a national, ethnic, racial, or religious group. The five acts are: 

Killing members of the group;

Causing serious bodily or mental harm to members of the group;

Deliberately inflicting upon group conditions of life calculated to bring about its physical destruction in whole or in part; 

Imposing measures intended to prevent births within the group; 

Forcibly transferring children of the group to another group. 

So, we’ve clearly seen evidence of four of the five acts which potentially constitute a genocide, so why am I opposed to its use? The answer is intent. This is an issue that has been raised by others online, and the response is always a mix of a) harping on definitions while thousands of Palestinians are being murdered obscures their suffering and allows Israel to act unchallenged and b) here is the evidence that Israel intends to commit genocide. Addressing those in reverse order: 

I have seen many posts with supposed evidence of Israeli intent to commit genocide. But when they are coagulated, they look less like an actual argument and more like a conspiracy board filled with singular quotes, out-of-context statements, and tweets from some random Israeli expressing dehumanizing, borderline genocidal sentiments. I’m sorry, but this is not evidence of intent. Neither is pointing to Gaza, saying, “Look at what is going on! This clearly shows intent”. It doesn’t. Is a genocide happening in Gaza right now? Maybe. Its unsatisfying and frustrating, but intent is something that will likely be impossible to prove or disprove without access to Israeli government documents. It is classified meeting minutes that will prove or disprove intent, not tweets from Israeli bloggers. 

If you are angry at me for harping on definitions and technicalities, that’s understandable. But remember, words have meanings. I am not convinced that a genocide is happening in Gaza. But d’ya wanna know what is happening? 

War crimes. Crimes against humanity. Ethnic cleansing. Forced displacement. Criminally disproportionate military action. Killing and targeting of journalists. Attacks on medical workers and facilities. Attacks on shelter areas. Attacks on UN workers and facilities. 

All of these are crimes. In a just world, their perpetrators would be spending the rest of their lives behind bars. They are barbarous acts of cruelty that should be condemned, regardless of whether or not they meet the qualifications of being an act of genocide. 

Israel’s attacks on Palestinian water sources is a crime, regardless of whether or not they were committed with genocidal intent. 

Involuntary detention of children without charge is a crime, regardless of whether or not they were committed with genocidal intent. 

Indiscriminate bombings of civilians are crimes, regardless of whether or not they were committed with genocidal intent. 

The Israeli-Egyptian blockade of the Gaza Strip, both before and after the 7 October attacks, is a crime, regardless of whether or not they were committed with genocidal intent. 

The word genocide is used on this platform like a fire alarm. Pull here to warn people about oppression and mass slaughter. But genocide, like all of the other crimes mentioned above, is a word that has a meaning, a definition. That definition is imperfect, but it is what we have to work with. Using these terms specifically and correctly is important. 

It feels sometimes that discussion around atrocities turns into a matter of genocide or nothing. People treat the usage of more accurate and specific, but ‘less severe’ terms as a form of denialism. It is that attitude that makes discussing these supposedly ‘less severe’ crimes incredibly difficult. ‘Cause guess what!

Every single one of the crimes listed above is a barbarous crime, and you should fight and condemn every last one of them with the same fervor as you should genocide. None of them are tolerable, none of them are lesser. They are, one and all, abominable acts of criminal violence. The overuse of the term genocide makes it harder to effectively fight all of the others and perpetrates a narrative, consciously or not, that its a matter of genocide or bust.

Hamas & Revolution

The Islamic Resistance Movement, more commonly known by its Arabic acronym Hamas, is in my estimation the most militarily and politically powerful Palestinian organization in the world. Although its stated goals have changed several times over the years, Hamas has generally characterized itself as a defender of Palestinian nationalism, an advocate for Palestinian liberation, and an opponent to Israel, colonialism, and imperialism. 

Hamas is also an aspirationally genocidal terrorist organization, and every time I see expressions of support for them you should feel sick. I certainly do. 

Open expressions of support for Hamas have been rare, but far from zero. Most of those who do support Hamas uncritically accept the premise that Hamas is an anti-colonial revolutionary resistance organization fighting against Zionist occupation. This post is way too long and my deadline is rapidly approaching, so instead of breaking down all of that, let us assume, for the sake of argument, that that statement is true. Even if true, none of that prevents Hamas from also being an antisemitic, aspirationally genocidal terrorist organization. 

One of the basic assumptions of the anti-colonialist narrative is that colonized=good, colonizer=bad. This flattens nuanced and complicated conflicts and leads to the excusing and justifying of criminal acts on the basis that they were committed in pursuit of a just cause. 

Anti-colonialist struggles are justified according to the right of self-determination. Many of them nevertheless committed criminal acts. 

There is a tendency to treat conflicts, past and present, less as actual events and more like culture wars. It has become fashionable to condemn the United States by rote, to shout “Up the Ra”, without actually addressing the reality of the situation one is commenting on. As an example of what I mean, take Morocco. Last year, Morocco was briefly appointed as the symbolic standard-bearer of anti-imperialism for… winning football matches against tHe DrEaDeD cOlOnIzErS. Today, Morocco is imperialist persona non grata and traitor to the Palestinian cause. Neither of these judgments were made because of the practical, on the ground reality of decolonization, anti-imperialism, or the Palestinian cause. These judgments were made because of the narrative of anti-colonialism. If the actions of Morocco, or anyone else for that matter, work in favor of the narrative of anti-colonialism, then they are lauded. If their actions contradict that narrative, they are condemned. Are there important geopolitical implications of Morocco’s decision to support Israel in exchange for support in Western Sahara? Yes, of course. Realistically speaking, they will probably be minor and mostly symbolic. Morocco isn’t sending soldiers to help occupy Gaza, and Israel won’t be sending soldiers to support the conquest of Western Sahara. Does any of that matter to users on www.tumblr.com? No. 

To the supporters of Hamas, I don’t have a lot to say here. Hamas has been open about its antisemitism, and both Hamas leaders and official Hamas statements have openly called for genocide against Israelis, and sometimes Jews more broadly. Hamas engages in blatant conspiracism and has gleefully spread stories about a Jewish-controlled globalist shadow government trying to bring about the NWO. While they did officially amend their charter in 2017 to state that their fight is with the “Zionist enemy” rather than the Jewish people writ large, I find it difficult to believe that they are being honest with their intentions, and even if they are, the 7 October attacks show that they consider Israeli civilians as part of the “Zionist enemy” and thus fair game. 

River & Sea

In my previous post, I made the assertion that the popular pro-Palestinian slogan, “From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free,” is an antisemitic slogan. As I expected, I got some pushback on this, but have no fear, I have a qualified justification. 

Slightly modified, I uphold the statement that, as a practical matter, in the year 2023 “From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free” is a de facto antisemitic statement. 

To fully explain what I mean here, and to address some of the confusion that I have seen with regards to the history of the statement. Shoutout to @starsakura17 and @screaming-weevil for having a conversation about the term and trying to research the history of the phrase to better inform themselves. That’s something we all, including me, should do more often on more topics. 

As far as I can discern, the origins of the “River to the sea” part of the phrase are unknown, but Zionist sentiments about creating a state between the Jordan River to the Mediterranean Sea actually predate the First Arab-Israeli War and may predate Mandatory Palestine. The phrase first became associated with the Palestinian cause in the 1960s, when it was used to express opposition to the partition of Palestine and support for a single state in Palestine. How exactly this state was envisioned varied dramatically, but even back then, the 1964 PLO Charter expressly excluded the mostly Jewish immigrants to Palestine from their definition of Palestinians. Gee, where have I heard that before. Now, the PLO do not and did not speak for all Palestinians, and there were many Palestinians and Israelis who advocated for a single state that would be democratic and secular, thus creating a free Palestine between the Jordan River and the Mediterranean Sea. Thusly, if you asked me in the 1960s whether the phrase, “From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free” is antisemitic, I would say no, but I would probably note that it is used by antisemites and caution you to be careful with your usage. 

However, it is no longer the 1960s, and the usage and users of the phrase have shifted over time. The most important change is the rise of Islamic militant groups, most of whom have adopted the phrase as a call to destroy Israel and purge Palestine of Israelis and/or Jews. In addition, the geopolitical landscape of Israel and Palestine has changed. In the early 1960s, when the land between the river and the sea was under total occupation by Israel, Jordan, and Egypt, and when the idea of a single, secular, democratic state was at least theoretically possible, non-antisemitic usage of “From the river to the sea” was both possible and fairly common. There were individuals and organizations with actual influence on both sides that could have or did try to lead the charge for this exact solution. In 2023, that is no longer the case. 

When I see people using the phrase “From the river to the sea”, my first question is how will that happen? Who will end up in charge of the land from river to sea? Remember, words have meaning, and political slogans do not exist in a vacuum. In the year 2023, there is only one organization with the political clout, popular support, and military might even hope to create a free Palestine stretching from the river to the sea: Hamas. Barring an externally imposed settlement, there is no other entity that could feasibly achieve such a state. You saw what they did on 7 October; what do you think their plan is for the rest of the Jews in Israel? 

If you object to my connection between “From the river to the sea” and Hamas ruling over the whole of Israel and Palestine, then go ahead. Tell me how, exactly, a free Palestinian state from river to sea can be created without giving Hamas free access to the people they openly want to exterminate.

Regardless of its origin, regardless of your intention when you say it, “From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free” is a statement that has been proudly adopted by the most virulent and violent antisemites on the Palestinian side. Whatever its intention, it is at best a slogan with a confused and muddy history that is deeply linked with antisemitism; at worst it is incitement to genocide. 

SO STOP USING IT. Any slogan that has to be regularly qualified with “but not in an antisemitic way” is a slogan that you should not use. There are better, non-antisemitic slogans already in use; you do not need to cling desperately to this one. 

While I’m here, I may as well address the phrase “Free Palestine from Hamas”. Like “From the river to the sea”, it's a theoretically neutral or even positive slogan. However, I see it most commonly used by those who vocally support the ongoing, indiscriminate destruction of Gaza and slaughter of the people living there. Whatever your intention, this phrase is associated with those who believe that any action is justifiable as long as it might possibly kill even a single Hamas member. 

Conclusion

“If I had more time, I would have written a shorter letter, or at least a more coherent one.” - viv-hollande

If you made it this far, you have my respect. I’ve said a lot here, probably too much. I am sure it means something; I am not sure if it means anything significant. 

A lot of people are probably mad at me right now. Some of that is probably fair. Some of it is probably not. 

I had someone accuse me of being “fundamentally unserious” under my last post, which is a very weird and kind of funny thing to say to a teenager. 

I’m really struggling with how to finish this, ‘cause I am well and truly running low on steam, and I have French homework that I’ve been putting off. I’ve scrapped, like, three entire sections that I either didn’t have time to finish, or that I felt were even more poorly written than the rest of this incoherent mess. Maybe I’ll turn them into dedicated posts. 

As a final conclusion: The Israel-Palestine conflict has been saddled with millions of uninvolved rubberneckers who all seem to have a lot to say about every aspect of it. As humans tend to do, these bystanders have created narratives of war and struggle, of oppression and revolution. It is these narratives, shaped by history, but also by biases, bigotries, personal values, and misinformation. We choose a good side, and subsume that side into our own personal in-group. We excuse the faults in our allies, and exaggerate or fabricate faults in our enemies. The Palestinian cause categorically dismisses the Jewish right to a secure homeland. The de facto leaders of Gaza are aspirational génocidaires. The pro-Palestinian cause as a whole doesn’t care to consider the fate of the Israelis, millions of who were born and raised in Israel and have nowhere else to go. Simultaneously, the Israelis deny the suffering of the Palestinian people, wherever they may reside. Many current and past leaders of Israel are war criminals, and few, if any, of them will be brought to justice. Make no mistake, this is not a case of “both sides”. As the stronger party to the conflict, backed by the strongest nation on Earth, Israel has had most of the power to choose the timeline for the end to the conflict. As it stands, it seems more and more likely that that end will result in the final, irrevocable extinguishing of the dream of a Palestinian state. That end would be a tragedy, and it would be a crime. 

If you’re not sick of me telling you what to do at this point, you have the patience of a fucking saint. To those still here, I say this: condemn antisemitism, Islamophobia, and bigotry wherever they occur; all conflicts have long, complicated histories that get flattened by the desire to ‘pick a side’; exact language, used specifically, is a delicate, precious thing that must be safeguarded; Israel’s crimes in Gaza, whether they qualify as a campaign of genocide, rank as some of the worst committed in decades, and the western political establishment’s tacit acceptance and endorsement of that campaign of horrors is, in and of itself, criminal and immoral, and both should be fought with as much energy as you can possibly spare. 

Fuck Bibi, and all those who enable him. Fuck Hamas. Fight war crimes. Ceasefire now. Free Palestine. 

A Message To Israelis and Palestinians

I struggled the most with what to say here. As I’ve repeatedly said, this post is intended not for you, but for the crowds of virtual bystanders to the incomprehensible crimes being committed in Israel and Gaza. As someone with, as they say, no skin in the game, I feel uncomfortable addressing you in a way I generally don’t when confronting my peers. I don’t know if you want or need the perspective of yet another rubbernecker, especially when what I do have to say is so insubstantial. But I would feel remiss if I didn’t acknowledge the people over whose heads I have been shouting for so long. So, for the final time, here goes. 

I am so sorry for what you are going through. To the Israelis, to those living in fear of rocket attacks and suicide bombers, and especially to those who lost loved ones in the 7 October attacks, or who are living in limbo hoping and praying for the release of the hostages, I express my deepest condolences. To the Palestinians of the West Bank, who have suffered the encroachment and aggression of Israeli settlers and Occupation soldiers, and who must soldier on through the ever-tightening vice of apartheid, your resilience inspires me and your suffering devastates me. To the Palestinian refugees, who have been driven out of their homeland and now must wait endlessly for a return that may never come, please know that you are in my heart.  And finally to the Palestinians of the Gaza Strip, who have been subjected to years of indignity, abuse, and violence, who have endured overwhelming, disproportionate, and indiscriminate retaliation for every terrorist provocation, who have been starved, bombed, shot, beaten, and brutalized in ways that I, sheltered as I am, could never possibly imagine, and who are at this very moment deep in mourning over the thousands and thousands of parents, children, siblings, cousins, friends, uncles, grandparents, nieces, nephews, acquaintances, colleagues, and everything in between, I offer you have my most sincere apologies and my grief at your losses, pale as they must be in comparison to your own. I don’t know if they’ll help, but they’re really all I’ve got. 

I wish I could offer you hope. I wish I could offer you a solution. I wish I could do something, anything, that would actually have a meaningful impact on any of this. But I can’t. I’m sorry.