#because they thought this would explain everything

[reignpage]

The Other Man

Your worst nightmare is avoiding your eyes. 

Still sweating and slightly out of breath from the sprint you made from your home to the hospital, you try to wipe your hands down the material of your jeans, and you’re mortified to find them shaking. 

Is it from adrenaline or from fear? 

When they said they found your husband, alive, and he’s been fixed up all brand new, you thought everything would be fine, that things would go back to normal. Your home will finally stop being so stifling, you won’t burn a hole through your carpet from all the pacing like your friend tried to joke, and you no longer have to hold yourself at night just to stop from hyperventilating.

But when you look at his eyes and see only confusion and a drop of anxiety, you know something’s gone terribly wrong. 

“He suffered trauma to the head and we noticed no signs of it during surgery, so the symptoms only showed up now. We’re sorry we hadn’t been able to warn you ahead of time,” the doctor says. 

Maybe now your hands are shaking from anger. 

You step towards the doctor, the sterile smell of latex gloves and death stinging your nose, and you splutter out, “What are you talking about? What’s wrong with my husband? Why is no one just telling me straight up?”

He flinches. 

They both do. 

You don’t feel bad, can’t feel bad. 

The doctor opens his mouth and he’s explaining, rambling about all sorts of medical terms you don’t know and it’s likely he’s doing it to distract you, or punish you, but you do hear one word. It registers and sends a static ringing through your ears. 

“It would seem your husband has developed retrograde amnesia.”

Amnesia. 

When he finishes, a silence takes over, filling up the room and pressing you to the walls, daring you to suck in a breath. A beat or two passes whilst he wait for either one of you to say something, ask something, anything. But no one does, so he leaves and immediately you wish he stayed. 

“Hi.”

His voice breaks you out of your internal panicking. It has a slight quiver, perhaps from the deep sleep he had been under, or the exhaustion that had built up, the price to pay for saving so many people in one night. The reports said, on the night he disappeared, that there had been many curses, strong ones, gathered in an organised attack, an ambush. They had backed your husband in a corner and pushed him to his limits. 

They did this. 

You try to smile. 

“Hi, baby, how you doing?”

There’s a blush forming across his cheeks and you smile for real, finding his embarrassment adorable, but then it drops just as quick when he clears his throat, as if setting a boundary. 

“So,” he drags out, “you’re my wife, huh?”

What’s the procedure for losing your loved one to an internal injury so bad you feel it cut deep? What’s the etiquette? Because you’re so sure screaming at him to stop playing this cruel joke is probably not a good idea; you already know what the doctors would say.

It would be unwise to push him.

Your steps are hesitant but you push through that invisible force keeping you back. You need to touch him, need to feel that, despite it all, he’s warm and real and breathing — at least one of you has to be. 

He looks up at you from your position beside his bed and watched your hand lift towards his face. He doesn’t move, he steels himself for your sake, you know it, because your husband has always been the kindest, most empathetic man you’ve ever met. 

Then you cradle his slightly cut up cheek and tears stream down before you even know it, a laugh bubbles out and you sob it out. He’s really alive. 

“I’m so happy you came back.”

He smiles, it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, but it’s still a genuine smile and your heart leaps. If he can smile at you like that even without the pull of the shared memories of his time with you, then surely there’s hope. Because through his dazzling eyes, always dazzling, you believe there’s a huge box of everything he had filed on you, on his love for you, his wishes and desires for for you both. It’s just locked away at the moment, but you’ll find a key. 

You have to. 

“I must have been pretty great to bag a gorgeous woman like you.” 

“The greatest.”

He laughs in surprise. He did that every time you played along, because no one else ever had, not his own family or his friends, and not even himself. 

And the hours pass by with him asking questions and you answering patiently, despite the stab at your chest from every moment he forgot, every special occasion he doesn’t remember, and you both relive the bad times, the terrible times. 

Except he’s going it through for the first time. 

All the nurses and doctors filter in and out, changing this, emptying that, wiping here, walking there, and throwing all sorts of information at you. Eventually, they give you a care pack full of pamphlets filled with numbers and websites for support, letting you know he’s free to leave, but that check-ups will have to be frequent to monitor his progress. 

You can tell he’s getting tired; you don’t blame him, it’s been too much too fast. So you tell him, “Alright, handsome, it’s time to go home.”

He cheers up at that, eagerly packing and hobbling out of the hospital and into your car. The car ride home isn’t quiet like you had dreaded, it’s loud, bustling with more questions and excited remarks. 

“No way. He ate that finger? That’s so funny.”

“Oh, his hair is really that spiky? And she puts up with both of them? Wow.”

“He’s still teaching? That’s great.”

When you pull up to the house at the end of the street, all the lights are off and you feel a little embarrassed that it doesn’t look inviting, and  of course you forgot to clean up the dishes and vacuum the carpet. Maybe you should have gotten balloons and streamers, maybe invited his friends. You know the doctor said don’t overwhelm him, but they’ll definitely come knocking sooner than later. 

That’s how loved your husband is. 

You have a bashful smile when you finally glance up at him, both walking up to the door, and it plummets at the disappointed look on his face. He doesn’t care about the lights, only that the home he had been expecting is the one across the city, the one you had made him move out of years ago so you could live together as a soon to be wedded pair. 

Now, he’ll have to live in your home as a guest, borrowing your cups and plates, and wearing clothes he didn’t buy but the other man did, and then he’ll be sleeping next to you. 

A stranger. 

You gulp the horrified scream down and, with shaky hands, you unlock the door, ignoring the overwhelming feeling that you’re losing an uphill battle, that things will never be the same, and he’ll never love you, not like he did. 

Your husband is loyal to a fault; he won’t leave you, not because he loves you, not because he can’t imagine being anywhere else but here, with you, but because there’s a ring on his left finger that he keeps playing around with like it feels wrong to have it on. 

And the realisation that you don’t care, that you have enough love for the both of you, that you want, need, to have him in any way he’ll let you, creates a dull ache in your stomach.

You don’t try to smile when you turn to him, even when he does. 

All you say is,

“Welcome home, Satoru.”

[navybrat817]

Finding the Positive

Pairing: Chop Shop Mechanic!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Summary: Bucky didn't have the brightest outlook on life until you came along.

Word Count: Over 1k

Warnings: Established relationship, bit of backstory, fluff, reference to smut, slight feels (it's me), Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?).

A/N: Inspired by a sweet nonnie ask and part of my Jaded to Joy AU, which began with Double Shift. Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Divider by the talented @saradika-graphics and gorgeous Bucky edit by the amazing @nixakimbo. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

When you met Bucky, something slowly changed inside him. Before you came along he tried his best to stay positive for Becca, but seeing her struggles with her illness and the stress she was experiencing from medical bills still clouded his heart a little. She deserved a bright future, not a financial burden. Taking a job at the chop shop only darkened his outlook more, leaving him a bit jaded in the process.

A couple of the guys were in the same boat as him, doing what they could to get by or try to build a better life. The rest seemed to get off on taking advantage of others. It made him feel sick. And wasn’t he complicit to everything by working in a place like that? He wasn’t hurting people physically, but he worked with stolen vehicles and parts. It affected people. And he wasn’t that excited at the prospect of opening his own honest shop because why get his hopes up?

But then you showed up in his life like a blazing sun, radiating warmth and hope. You found reasons to smile on bad days, which made no sense to him. He knew you were struggling, that things in your life were far from perfect. So how did you carry yourself as if the weight of the world wasn’t weighing you down?

“I try to look for something positive every day,” you told him. “Even if it takes almost all day to find it.”

It may have sounded corny coming from others, but you said with such sincerity and conviction that he wondered why he hadn’t tried to do something similar. If Becca found reasons to smile and so did you, why couldn’t he? Why wasn’t it that simple?

“So, you don’t see the negative?”

“No, I see the negative and I allow myself to feel it because ignoring it won’t do me any good. I just don’t allow myself to dwell in it,” you explained, nudging his shoulder. “Being positive doesn’t mean I’m happy every single moment of every day. I’m still learning, still growing, and still looking for the sunshine even on the dark days.”

“And what happens one day if you can’t find the sunshine?”

You gave him one of your brightest smiles. “Then I’ll have to be my own sunshine, won’t I?”

It was inspiring. Life wasn’t easy for you, but you refused to let it get you down. Your attitude on your worst days was still better than Bucky at his best. While he would never see the world through rose-tinted glasses, your outlook made it look a little brighter. And while he allowed himself to vent or feel anger, he didn’t stay in that headspace. He took your words to heart and made sure to look for something positive.

You were in the kitchen when he got home from work and he was content to watch you at the stove with a soft smile on his face. The blend of spices made him smile more when he realized you were cooking one of his favorite meals. You were so thoughtful, so beautiful, and you saw the best in him. He’d never be able to give you a fancy house, but he’d give you a better home one day.

“Hey,” you smiled over your shoulder, his heart skipping a beat. He captured the image in his mind and tucked it away for when he’d need a reminder of the good things in his life. “How long have you been standing there?”

He strode across the room and rested his chin on your shoulder once he was close enough. Wrapping his arms around you, he turned his face and breathed in the sweet scent of your perfume. Soft yet surprisingly powerful, just like you. “Long enough to find my positive for the day.”

“Oh, yeah? Tell me about it,” you said, resting a hand over his as he began to sway you back and forth.

“Well, work sucked and I’m pretty sure one of the guys tried to steal the lunch you made me,” he told you, smiling when giggled. He kept his hand over yours when you tried to grab a cooking utensil. “But I finally got that overtime pay and it was more than what I expected.”

He didn’t like working the extra hours if it meant being away from you, but the money helped, and he wouldn’t have to do it much longer. It was for a better future, a brighter future. One that he was building with you.

“That’s great!” His heart skipped a beat again when you turned your head far enough to brush your lips against his. “That’s a huge positive.”

“It is,” he said, helping you stir. He was a decent cook, but a novice compared to you and you always managed to put together delicious meals on a budget. “I started thinking about us working at the shop together. Me working on cars and bikes, you in the office making sure things are running smoothly.”

“And sneaking into the office for a quickie?” You pressed your hips back against his, making him groan and grit his teeth when you did it again. You were the best kind of tease. “I know you, Bucky.”

As tempting as it was to put you on the counter and feast on your delicious cunt, there would be plenty of time for that after dinner. “I know you, too, and you’d welcome that,” he said, nipping between your neck and shoulder.

You gasped, shutting the stove off. “I would,” you agreed as you leaned back against him. “I think that’s my positive of the day; thinking of us working together and creating more memories.”

He shut his eyes. Having someone so loving and uplifting wanting to spend time with him blew his mind. It seemed too good to be true, but it wasn’t. This was his life.

“I’m looking forward to it, baby,” he whispered.

He was looking forward to every moment with you, even on the days where it would take longer to find the positive.

No nickname yet for this reader, but I adore them. Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

[marmotsomsierost]

O: You’re quite a writer. You’ve a gift for language, you’re a deft hand at plotting, and your books seem to have an enormous amount of attention to detail put into them. You’re so good you could write anything. Why write fantasy?

Pratchett: I had a decent lunch, and I’m feeling quite amiable. That’s why you’re still alive. I think you’d have to explain to me why you’ve asked that question.

O: It’s a rather ghettoized genre.

P: This is true. I cannot speak for the US, where I merely sort of sell okay. But in the UK I think every book— I think I’ve done twenty in the series— since the fourth book, every one has been one the top ten national bestsellers, either as hardcover or paperback, and quite often as both. Twelve or thirteen have been number one. I’ve done six juveniles, all of those have nevertheless crossed over to the adult bestseller list. On one occasion I had the adult best seller, the paperback best-seller in a different title, and a third book on the juvenile bestseller list. Now tell me again that this is a ghettoized genre.

O: It’s certainly regarded as less than serious fiction.

P: (Sighs) Without a shadow of a doubt, the first fiction ever recounted was fantasy. Guys sitting around the campfire— Was it you who wrote the review? I thought I recognized it— Guys sitting around the campfire telling each other stories about the gods who made lightning, and stuff like that. They did not tell one another literary stories. They did not complain about difficulties of male menopause while being a junior lecturer on some midwestern college campus. Fantasy is without a shadow of a doubt the ur-literature, the spring from which all other literature has flown. Up to a few hundred years ago no one would have disagreed with this, because most stories were, in some sense, fantasy. Back in the middle ages, people wouldn’t have thought twice about bringing in Death as a character who would have a role to play in the story. Echoes of this can be seen in Pilgrim’s Progress, for example, which hark back to a much earlier type of storytelling. The epic of Gilgamesh is one of the earliest works of literature, and by the standard we would apply now— a big muscular guys with swords and certain godlike connections— That’s fantasy. The national literature of Finland, the Kalevala. Beowulf in England. I cannot pronounce Bahaghvad-Gita but the Indian one, you know what I mean. The national literature, the one that underpins everything else, is by the standards that we apply now, a work of fantasy.

Now I don’t know what you’d consider the national literature of America, but if the words Moby Dick are inching their way towards this conversation, whatever else it was, it was also a work of fantasy. Fantasy is kind of a plasma in which other things can be carried. I don’t think this is a ghetto. This is, fantasy is, almost a sea in which other genres swim. Now it may be that there has developed in the last couple of hundred years a subset of fantasy which merely uses a different icongraphy, and that is, if you like, the serious literature, the Booker Prize contender. Fantasy can be serious literature. Fantasy has often been serious literature. You have to fairly dense to think that Gulliver’s Travels is only a story about a guy having a real fun time among big people and little people and horses and stuff like that. What the book was about was something else. Fantasy can carry quite a serious burden, and so can humor. So what you’re saying is, strip away the trolls and the dwarves and things and put everyone into modern dress, get them to agonize a bit, mention Virginia Woolf a few times, and there! Hey! I’ve got a serious novel. But you don’t actually have to do that.

(Pauses) That was a bloody good answer, though I say it myself."

(Terry Pratchett in an interview with the Onion)

J. R. R. Tolkien, undisputedly a most fluent speaker of this language, was criticized in his day for indulging his juvenile whim of writing fantasy, which was then considered—as it still is in many quarters— an inferior form of literature and disdained as mere “escapism.” “Of course it is escapist,” he cried. “That is its glory! When a soldier is a prisoner of war it is his duty to escape—and take as many with him as he can.” He went on to explain, “The moneylenders, the knownothings, the authoritarians have us all in prison; if we value the freedom of the mind and soul, if we’re partisans of liberty, then it’s our plain duty to escape, and to take as many people with us as possible."

Stephen R. Lawhead

[aquaticmercy]

Waste a Moment / Part 12

Summary : Bucky had always kept his distance, but seeing you get hurt on a mission changed everything. For the first time, he has a chance to start over with you.

Pairing : Bucky Barnes x avenger!reader (she/her) 

Warnings/tags : Mentions of food. Cursing. Memory loss. Head injury. Reader used to work in a museum.

Requested by :  @remoony

Word count : 2.8k

Note : Hi all!!! Got a lot of messages and comments in the last couple of days but have been busy so bear with me while I catch up! Please let me know if I miss anyone on the tags!!! Enjoy!

Series Masterlist

"Out in the Dark"

Saturday evening.

Hours bled into an endless stream of time after he left, the lock on the door clicking like the final nail in the coffin. You’d felt your world shatter like brittle glass, splintering into a thousand jagged shards, each one a reflection of a future you’d foolishly imagined with him. 

You hadn’t just kicked him out of your home; you’d ripped him out of your life, your heart, leaving behind a cold void of absolutely fucking nothing.

You were starting back at square one. Again.

His voice still lingered, a ghost haunting the room, quiet and pleading, cracking with a fragility you’d never heard before. He’d tried to explain, hoping you might understand. 

But you weren’t going to give him the luxury of hope. Not anymore.

You could still remember how he looked at you then, eyes bottomless blue pit of despairs as he begged you to listen, to hear the truth he was too afraid to voice until it was too late. 

But all you could see was betrayal. 

You sank onto the couch, knees folding beneath you, arms crossing over your chest in a feeble attempt to hold yourself together. Your fingers dug into your sides as if you could press the splintered pieces of yourself back into place. 

Then, a sharp knock disrupted the veneer of calm you’d built around yourself. Startled, a jolt of white-hot fury flared up in you. 

Of course, he’d come back. 

You’d told him to leave, and he hadn’t listened. He never did. Did he think that if he could just say the right thing, everything would be okay?

“I told you to leave!” you yelled, your voice cracking under the strain of false strength.

After a moment’s hesitation, a familiar voice seeped through the door. “It’s me,” You heard through the door, “I… I heard what happened. I thought you might need a friend.”

You froze, the breath catching in your throat. 

It wasn’t Bucky.

It was Yelena.

How dare she show up here, now, pretending to be a friend when she’d known all along? She’d been part of the lie, part of the deception that destroyed the illusion of your waking nightmare. Sure, it explained why she was mad, why she looked like she would’ve killed Bucky if she could— but that was no excuse to be complicit for as long as she had.

“No,” you spat. “You don’t get to show up like everything’s fine. You knew, Yelena. You knew, and you didn’t say a word.”

If she had been hiding this from you, what else was a lie?

The silence was broken only by a weary sigh. “I was going to,” she admitted quietly. “I told him to, but he… he was scared. And I gave him time… I thought it should come from him.”

Her gaze fell to her feet, almost as if she couldn’t bear to look at the door. 

She knew she should have told you. But now, hearing all that joyous life drained from your voice… she wasn’t so sure if she could’ve.

Maybe she didn't tell you because she didn’t want to be the one to see your heart break. Now confronted with this, she realised that maybe all that anger, all that big talk to Bucky was… all a facade.

She started wondering, maybe, deep down, when the time came,— when her ultimatum needed to be fulfilled— if she would have faced you at all. Maybe she had given Bucky a week, more time than he deserved, because she needed time to brace herself for the fallout. And now that the moment was here... she realised she wasn’t ready after all.

She wasn’t ready to see you empty. Hollow. Broken.

Just as she couldn’t see you after your injuries.

In its own twisted way, it was a mercy to her that you didn't let her in, that she couldn't see the state you were in.

You laughed then, a bitter sound that tasted like ash on your tongue. “And look where that got us.”

Yelena leaned on your door, dropping down to the floor. She didn’t care if your neighbours walked on her like this��� she just wanted to try to save a sliver of connection, any crumb she would give you.

She only ever wanted you to be happy.

“But it is real,” she insisted, her voice dropping to a whisper. It was a kind of sorrow you hadn’t heard from her before. She’s reverting back to the thick Russian accent, thicker than she’s had for years, in this moment of vulnerability. “The way he feels about you, even when I hated him for not telling you. I could see it in his eyes, in the way he said your name.”

The words hit you like a punch to the gut. She sounded like she was pleading, begging you to see something you couldn’t, wouldn’t allow yourself to see. 

“I knew he wasn’t kind to you before,” she continued, the words tumbling out. “But I think… I think he loved you then, too. Back then he… he always made sure there was always one of your favourite donuts left in the fridge. He made sure to always buy your favourite tea to stock up the training kitchen. He once asked me what… um… what your favourite flowers were so he could put it in a vase in the common room.”

You squeezed your eyes shut, the memory of his distant, haunted eyes flashing through your mind. 

After your memories were wiped, you spent so many nights staring into his piercing eyes as if it was a never-ending abyss, trying to find a way in, trying to reach the part of him that seemed determined to stay locked away. You’d thought you had. You’d thought you’d finally reached him. 

But you hadn’t. Not even close. 

“I don’t know if I can believe that,” you choked out. “I don’t even know what to believe anymore.”

“I’m not lying.” Yelena’s voice cut through your spiralling thoughts, but you had no reason to believe her. “The Bucky you told me made you feel safe— he’s real. Maybe I... I couldn’t bring myself to shatter the peace you found.”

She remembered all those years spent hoping Natasha was happy, that she was okay, that she was safe. And then, in an instant, all of that hope was stripped away.

Maybe it was the same with you. After your injuries and memory loss, you weren’t just a new beginning for Bucky, but for Yelena, too—an opportunity to feed her saviour complex. Maybe she needed an excuse to protect you from Bucky, who only ever wanted your happiness, too.

Maybe they had both been approaching this all wrong. Maybe she shouldn’t have sparred with him that night, leaving him bruised. Maybe she shouldn’t have antagonised him. Maybe she should have encouraged him, worked with him, instead of standing in his way.

You could feel the anger slipping away from your fingertips. You didn’t want to believe her, didn’t want to let that tiny flicker of hope take root. 

Because if you did, it meant facing the possibility that maybe, just maybe, there was something left to salvage. 

And that took work.

You were exhausted— all you did for months was work and work to get a tiny piece of yourself back. What if you just wanted to let go altogether?

“I should have told you sooner,” Yelena murmured, voice barely a whisper now, “We both should have told you sooner.” 

She never meant for you to find out this way—she had hoped that either she or Bucky could explain the context behind his actions. But now you've seen everything—the raw truth, stripped of memories or emotions to soften the blow. You couldn’t remember what you’d once felt for Bucky, couldn’t fill in the gaps on your own— and wouldn’t listen anymore.

You felt a tear slip down your cheek, hot and stinging as it traced the curve of your cheeks.

After what felt like an eternity, you heard her exhale, a soft, defeated sigh. “I’ll go,” she said quietly. “But… don’t let this destroy you both.”

Sunday.

The next day, Bucky stood outside Happy’s office at the compound, teeth clenched so tightly he could feel the strain in his temples. His body was hot with frustration, bitterness curling through him like smoke from a slow-burning fire that had been left for far too long. 

He hadn’t slept, hadn’t even bothered trying to—every time he closed his eyes, all he saw was you. 

The look on your face, the look of hurt and betrayal. The shock, the disbelief as you told him to leave. For the first time since he’d known you, you felt… small. 

That image had made a home in his mind, festering until he could feel it like a sickness spreading under his skin.

Now, out here in the hallway, he felt he was being torn apart from the inside out. His chest was heavy, his hands shaking with a rage that had no target. Every barrier he’d put up over the years to keep himself calm had crumbled. Now, his mere existence was just a raw, open wound, bleeding fury and self-loathing. 

He hated Happy for showing you the footage. He hated himself for letting it come to this. He hated fucking everything. But more than anything, he hated the truth he was beginning to confront, a splinter that he’d ignored until it was too deep to pull out.

With a deep breath, he pushed open the door, his metal hand slamming against the wood. The loud, brutal sound echoed through the room, and Happy looked up from his tablet. Sam, sitting across from him, raised an eyebrow..

“What the hell were you thinking?” Bucky’s voice was rough, nearly a growl, forcing the words through clenched teeth. “She wasn’t ready for that!”

Happy’s expression tightened as he set down the tablet. Sam turned back, arms folded across his chest, leaned back.

As Bucky's anger burned, he caught the look in Happy’s eyes—a flash of real fear, his line of sight fixed on Bucky’s metal arm with paranoia, shoulders closing in as if bracing for a blow. 

No.

His reaction pulled Bucky back from rage that had consumed him, a cold dread quickly replacing it instead. 

He’d seen that look— that fear— a thousand times as the Winter Soldier. 

On his victims.

He forced himself to breathe, to loosen his fists and soften his stance. He didn’t want anyone to fear him like that ever again. Not now. Not ever.

Especially not Happy, who only meant well. Not Happy, who cared about you. 

“Good morning to you, too, Buck,” Sam replied, tone sharp but calm, cutting through Bucky’s anger like a blade. “Maybe take a second before you start throwing blame around for your mess.”

Bucky’s jaw clenched tighter, a tendon twitching in his knuckles. He forced his gaze back to Happy. “I’m not blaming you,” he said, his voice calmly grating against the words. “But she didn’t need to see that.”

Happy looked down, a small look of misplaced guilt in his eyes. “I… I assumed she knew everything.”

“You can’t just assume these things,” Bucky was trying everything— everything in his power to stop the anger from bubbling.“You can’t just keep this from me.”

Beside them, Sam let out a short, bitter laugh, shaking his head. He looked pointedly at Bucky, an edge of irony in his otherwise cool voice. “You’re one to talk.”

Bucky opened his mouth to argue, to defend himself, but Sam raised a hand, silencing him with no room to protest.

“Look, man, I get that you didn’t want to hurt her,” Sam’s tone softened slightly, trying to cut through Bucky’s defences. “But you’ve been handling this wrong from the start.”

“I only wanted to protect her.” Bucky said, his tone tinged with sadness, by a guilt he didn’t want to acknowledge. “She’s been through enough.”

Sam’s expression hardened, the warmth fading from his eyes. “Protect her from what? The truth? From you?”

The words struck Bucky like a punch, leaving him exposed, vulnerable in a way he fucking hated. He knew Sam was right, but admitting that was like swallowing broken glass.

“I was going to tell her,” Bucky muttered, the words weak even to his own ears, flimsy excuses for his failure.

Sam’s gaze sharpened, eyebrows raised in doubt. “Were you?” he asked, voice laced with scepticism. “Or were you just hoping she’d never find out?”

Bucky stared at the floor, words caught in his throat as shame rose like a frostbite nipping on his cheeks. He knew the answer, even if he couldn’t bring himself to say it. 

He had hoped for that once, but that hope had been selfish, born out of a desperation he was too terrified to confront.

“If you love her,” Sam continued, “you’ve got to own up to it.”

“How do I even begin?” Bucky shook his head, hands fisting at his sides as he tried to hold onto the last shreds of his resolve. “I wasn’t in a good place back then. I didn’t know how to… handle things. I didn’t even want to let her in. But now? Now, I—”

Happy interrupted him, a gentle understanding in his voice. “Then tell her that.”

Bucky’s head lowered, eyes fixed on the ground. Sam shook his head, frustration etched deep in his features.

“Come on,” Sam said, voice softer but tainted with disappointment. “You can’t expect her to fill in the blanks. You can’t keep pretending like the past doesn’t matter just because it’s easier for you.”

Bucky’s fists tightened, his frustration slowly bleeding away, leaving behind a hollow space in his chest.

Finally, Bucky looked up, deep lines of exhaustion etched on his forehead. “What if she doesn’t want me anymore?” he asked, his voice barely more than a whisper.

Sam furrowed his eyebrows, pity in his voice. “That’s not for you to decide.”

It wasn’t just anger anymore. It was an overwhelming regret, a bitter knowledge that he had robbed you of something he himself had fought for— choice. He had taken away your ability to choose for yourself, just as Hydra had taken it from him. They had stripped him of his free will, turned him into a weapon, a shell of a man. And now, unknowingly, in your most vulnerable state he’d done the same to you. 

It almost didn’t matter that he meant well.

He had spent so long trying to protect you from his past, trying to keep you safe from the darkness that lived inside him. But all he’d done was push you closer to his guilt.

He’d let his love for you warp into something possessive— he’d let it twist into the worst kind of love.

Suddenly, a piercing alarm blared throughout the compound. Red emergency lights started flaring as FRIDAY’s voice echoed coldly through the speakers. 

“Intruder detected at Hangar One.”

Bucky’s head snapped up, a sick, sudden dread forming in his gut. He and Sam exchanged a single glance before they broke into a sprint down the hallway. Behind them, Happy picked the tablet back up, “Show me cameras, FRIDAY.”

“Cameras in Hangar One are damaged,” FRIDAY’s voice cut in.

Bucky’s stomach twisted. He knew who it was before he even reached the hangar— knew it with a certainty that terrified him to his core.

They skidded to a stop at the open doors of the hangar just as the quinjet’s engines roared to life, its sleek outline gleaming under the overhead lights. There you were, your hands gripping the controls, eyes fixed on the holographic map.

For one heartbreaking second, you looked up just as Bucky reached the hangar entrance. 

Your eyes met his through the glass, and in that instant, Bucky felt his world collapse. 

The look on your face was one he knew he would never forget: a storm of emotions—hurt, betrayal, sorrow, and the faintest hint of something like goodbye.

He raised a hand as if he could reach you, almost pleading, but you were already looking away, turning back to the controls as if you couldn’t bear to see him one second longer.

“No,” he whispered, voice raw and breaking, the word swallowed by the whine of the engines.

The quinjet began to rise, and for a second, he thought you might stop. That maybe there was still time to make things right, to find the words— that you’d let him explain. But then the jet shimmered, the cloaking system engaged, vanishing into the air.

A haunting  silence filled the hangar as the engines faded to the distance.

Bucky’s arm dropped, his chest feeling like it had been ripped open. He felt Sam’s hand on his shoulder, but it did little to stop the despair clawing through him. 

He had lost you before.

But this time, he was afraid he might have lost you forever.

-to be continued...

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[keeryhours]

wildflower chapter one - eddie munson

Eddie Munson x Henderson! female reader

Main Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Eddie Munson Masterlist

Summary:

Eddie leaves Hawkins (and his girl) behind to chase his dreams with Corroded Coffin. 2 years later, things have definitely changed.

Chapter Warnings:

Pregnancy, labor/birth, blood, traumatic birth/complications, secret baby

Word Count: 4.3k

A/N:

This is sort of a prologue, but I’m calling it chapter one. I’m really excited about this new series and I hope you will be, too!

—

“It’s my dream, baby. I can’t let this opportunity pass us by. This could change our lives.”

You had heard it over and over again. The same words coming from the same man with his wide puppy dog eyes, holding both your hands in his as he occasionally reached up to wipe your tears away again. He knew he was breaking your heart, and he hated that more than anything, but he also felt confident he was making the right decision.

You had been thrilled for him when he walked home into the trailer, screaming about how a scout had actually been to The Hideout and approached Corroded Coffin (specifically Eddie himself) after their show. The two of you stayed up all night talking excitedly, thinking of what this would mean for the band, for Eddie’s dream. Then he proceeded to give you the best sex of your life.

Things moved fast after that. It turned out the label really liked Corroded Coffin, and they wanted them in the studio immediately. And it really was a dream, at first. Eddie and the guys had just graduated and they immediately dumped all their time into the studio and perfecting their songs. You spent near every day lounging around the studio, watching the band record, a grin on your face so big it hurt watching Eddie do what he does, the happiness simply exuding from him. You loved him deeply, and seeing him beginning to really live his dream was everything you ever hoped for.

When the album was done, it released to more success than any of you could have dreamed of. Corroded Coffin was building a substantial and dedicated fan base already, they were on the radio, everyone was begging for them to perform in their city. That’s when the tour started being discussed. And their new manager began to point out the fact that there were no opportunities in Hawkins - the band would be better off moving somewhere like California.

You had never really thought Eddie wanted to leave like that. Sure he always dreamed of the band making it big, but you always assumed at the end of the day he would come home to Hawkins, come home to you. But it was obvious immediately that Eddie and the guys were completely on board with the idea of moving.

“Eddie, I can’t move to California,” you had explained, pacing around your tiny shared bedroom and huffing a humorless laugh. “My family is here. My mom and Dustin. All my friends are here. I’ve never even lived anywhere else.”

Eddie had ran his hands through his wild curls, another sigh escaping his lips. “I know, baby. But we could make a life out there, you and me.”

Tears had begun to well up in your eyes. “I would be left alone all the time, Eds. You’d be so busy with all the band stuff and being famous, and I’d be stuck alone, states away from home with no friends or family or support system.”

Eddie’s face fell, because he knew that was true. He hated the idea of being apart from you, but he hated the idea of making you follow him and be miserable, too. “We could do long distance?”

The tears actually began to fall then, and you collapsed on the bed next to him, your face in your hands. “I don’t know, Eddie. It sounds awful.”

Eddie didn’t say anything else as he started rubbing your back. He didn’t know if there was anything else to say. Those were your options, and none of them were great. But he knew if he passed up this opportunity, he would regret it for the rest of his life.

There were many variations of the same argument over the next few months as Eddie and the band prepared for the move to California and the beginning of the tour. There were a lot of tears. A lot of fighting followed by make up sex. None of the arguments ever made any actual progress, you always found yourselves stuck right back at the beginning.

Now Eddie stood in front of you, holding both your hands in his as you cried your eyes out in front of him. His heart was shattered in his chest. But the day had finally come, the bus was packed and waiting as the band said their goodbyes. It was somehow one of the best days of his life, while also being the worst.

“You’re sure you don’t want to come with me?” Eddie asked you again, although at this point it was too late, they were leaving now.

You sniffled, your face already red and eyes puffy from the amount of crying you’d done in the past few months but especially today. It seemed you only got more and more emotional about the whole thing as time went on. “I can’t,” you said, which is exactly what Eddie knew you’d say.

Eddie looked at you with the pain visible in his eyes. He moved his hands to gently hold either side of your face and pulled you in, placing a gentle, lingering kiss on your lips. Like it was the last time.

“I love you,” he said. “I will always love you.”

You were pretty sure there was nothing left of your heart to break. “I love you too, Eddie.”

He pulled you into a tight hug. You never wanted to leave that embrace - it felt so final, and you always hated goodbyes. Eddie held you until one of the crew members tapped him on the shoulder, telling him it was time to go.

He pulled away from you reluctantly. He looked you in the eyes for a moment before placing a kiss to your forehead. Then he was turning and walking away.

You watched him go, duffel bag and guitar case slung over his shoulder, the rest of everyone’s belongings and the band’s supplies packed tight under the bus. You watched as he climbed the stairs and turned, giving you one last look before you lost sight of him.

You stayed and watched until the bus drove away, down the road and completely out of your view. Taking your heart and soul with it.

—

It was two weeks later when the positive pregnancy test stared you in the face.

You couldn’t believe it, but at the same time, it did seem like that would be just your luck.

You had been feeling sick for the past week, but convinced yourself it was the nerves and emotions over Eddie leaving and the break up. You hadn’t even heard from Eddie since he left, despite his insistence that he’d call, relationship or not. You hoped he had just been busy and he hadn’t simply forgotten about you that quickly. You’d been together for two years before he left, you didn’t think you were that unimportant to him.

You cried on the bathroom floor of your new apartment for who knows how long. Your life was over, you felt quite sure. Eddie was long gone, who knows where at this point, with no plans to return. And now you were carrying his baby.

You didn’t say a word about it to anyone for a while. You had to work through it in your own head first. What did you even want to do? The thought of an abortion crossed your mind, but ultimately you felt you couldn’t go through with it. You could handle things on your own, you thought. Your waitressing job at the diner paid well enough for you to live off of, especially with all the overtime you picked up. Could you have and raise this baby on your own?

A week after the positive test, you broke the news to your mom and younger brother. Your mom cried, of course, which made you feel terrible. You had always imagined telling this news one day to be a joyful occasion, but that wasn’t your reality now. Your reality was being a single mother at 18. Dustin was in shock, but he seemed excited at the prospect of being an uncle, at least. You avoided all questions about Eddie.

Next, you broke the news to your best friends Steve and Robin, leaning over the counter of Family Video. They may have been more shocked than your family had been, and they both absolutely freaked out.

“You’re gonna have a baby,” Steve had choked out, as if that part was hard enough to say, “at 18, by yourself?”

Having the facts spelled out in front of you like that did nothing to help, and you burst into tears for the millionth time in the middle of the video store. Robin shot Steve a look before she was hopping over the counter to wrap you in a tight hug.

“What Steve meant to say,” Robin said, glaring at your mutual friend over the top of your head, “is that we’re here for you, whatever you need. You don’t have to do this all alone.”

You knew you needed to tell Eddie. And you definitely did have every intention to…but he never called. Never. Not once. And that hurt you so deeply, and made you so angry, you refused to reach out to him first. So…he never got the news.

True to their word, Steve and Robin were the best support system. Dustin, too. Your mom called you every single night needing to know exactly how you and the baby were and how you’d spent your day and that you were making good choices, which drove you a little bit crazy but at least she cared.

Your pregnancy progressed healthily, and the weeks went by faster than you were prepared for. Watching your body grow and become unfamiliar to you was…bizarre. And you missed Eddie. You started seeing Corroded Coffin popping up on magazine covers at the grocery store check out. You’d lay your hand over your growing belly and think about what could have been, what wasn’t.

Then you’d shove the magazine back in the rack and push him out of your mind.

Steve and Robin loved the belly. They found it fascinating, even if it made Steve a little squeamish. The first time the baby kicked you had been hanging around Family Video on your day off, looking through the new releases for a movie night with Dustin. You felt the strange flutter beneath your skin and you gasped, your hand shooting to that spot on your belly. You felt the kick again, against your hand.

Steve and Robin’s heads both shot up at the sound of your gasp. Robin was hopping over the counter and rushing to your side before Steve could catch up. “What is it? Are you okay? Is the baby okay?” Robin asked in a rush.

You just laughed, taking Robin’s hand and placing it where you had felt the kick. She looked at you strangely until you felt it again - her jaw dropped. “No way!!!” she exclaimed.

“What?” Steve asked, confused and not liking feeling left out. Robin moved her hand as you let go and grabbed Steve’s instead, placing it in the same spot. Sure enough, there was another kick moments later.

“Holy shit!” Steve said, but he jerked his hand back like he’d been burned. “It moved!”

You laughed. “That was the first kick!”

Robin cooed to the unborn baby, her hands moving back to the bump. Steve kept his distance, but watched the two of you.

“It’s weird,” Steve finally said, “like an alien. Have you seen Alien?”

Despite his squeamishness around a lot of pregnancy topics, Steve was an amazing support the entire time. He drove you to every appointment, Robin usually tagging along as well. They were there along with Dustin and your mom as you found out the gender of the baby - a boy.

Names were a big debate for a while. Not only choosing a name for your baby boy, but deciding what last name you would give him. You felt bad giving him your own last name and erasing Eddie entirely, but it also made no sense to give the baby the same last name as him when he didn’t even know of his existence and would never meet or know him.

You went into labor early, at 35 weeks. It caught you by surprise when your water broke and contractions began at 2am while you were snuggled in bed. Steve and Robin were going to take turns staying at your apartment when you hit 38 weeks, but you never made it that far, so you were alone with no transportation. You fought off a panic attack as you stumbled into the kitchen and picked up the phone, breathing through an intense contraction.

“‘lo?” was the sleepy reply when your call was picked up. It was obvious that Steve had been in deep sleep.

“Stevie?” you had said, knuckles turning white as you gripped the edge of the countertop. “The baby is coming.”

“What?” he certainly sounded a lot more awake after that. “Like, now? It’s too early!”

“I know it’s early, but it’s definitely happening,” you said.

“Shit, I- okay. Okay, shit. I’m on the way right now.”

The call ended before you were able to say anything else, so you hung the phone back on the wall. You grabbed your bags from your bedroom, feeling grateful you’d packed so early. You paced as you waited for Steve, you couldn’t stand to sit still when contractions started wracking through your body. It’s the only thing that controlled some of the pain as you remembered your breathing exercises.

Thankfully it didn’t take Steve long at all. You heard his tires squealing as he sped to a stop right in front of your apartment building. You didn’t even have to look to know it was him. He was bursting through your front door moments later, sweating and looking panicked. He was dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt that was on backwards, his usually perfect hair completely mussed up.

“Are you okay?” he asked, grabbing onto your shoulders and looking you all over as if you might have had the baby already and hid him somewhere.

“I’m okay,” you said, needing him to calm down. “The contractions are bad and they’re coming on fast but I’m okay. Your shirt’s backwards, by the way.”

Steve looked down at himself, a blush rising to his cheeks when he realized you were right. He pulled the shirt over his head and spun it around. “Sorry,” he said shyly.

Steve grabbed your bags and helped you into his car. Less than an hour later you were set up in your hospital room, dressed in an ugly gown and hooked up to a bunch of monitors. Steve sat next to you, having already called Robin and your family for you.

When things had calmed and you were relaxing in the bed between contractions, Steve looked at you seriously.

“Do you want me to try to reach Eddie?” he asked tentatively, cautious of your reaction.

The reminder of Eddie on that day hit you harder than ever. Did you want Eddie to be there? Yes, more than anything. But the reality was that he was god knows where, living his rockstar lifestyle, completely unaware his ex-girlfriend back home was preparing to give birth to their son. It was partially your fault, you knew, but still. You didn’t imagine he would have turned the bus around and quit the band to come play happy family with you, anyway.

“No,” you told Steve simply. He nodded and squeezed your hand once, although he looked like he had more to say.

When it was time to push, you were surrounded by support. Steve, Robin, and your mom stayed in the room with you - Dustin, who had no desire to see any of what was about to go down, moved back to the waiting room until it was safe to return.

The birth was more complicated than expected. You pushed for a long time, your mom wiping the sweat from your face as the pain went on seemingly endlessly. The doctor started talking about a c-section, but you didn’t want that. The thought terrified you. It motivated you to push even harder, and within the next 5 minutes, the baby was out and the room was filled with the sound of newborn cries. The doctor asked if Steve wanted to cut the cord, and he said yes without hesitating.

Your mom started bawling immediately, even Robin and Steve were tearing up at the sight of the baby, your baby boy. You tried to lean up to see him, but your head was so woozy, the second you lifted it from the pillow you felt like you were spinning. Nurses were working on the baby across the room while the doctor still hadn’t moved from between your legs - but you couldn’t get your brain to form a proper thought. Your vision was starting to get blurry and nausea roiled in your stomach.

The chatter in the room turned frantic, and you saw Steve turn to look at you in a panic, your mother’s sobs sounding less like happy crying now. You were confused as your mom and friends were quickly pushed away from your side and the sidebars on the hospital bed were lifted and locked into place. You caught some mentions of “emergency surgery” and “bleeding” as the bed started moving before everything went dark.

You woke up in a quiet, brightly lit room. You squinted from the lights as you opened your eyes, looking around you confused. You felt incredibly sore, and more alert than before but still a little out of it.

“You’re awake,” a relieved voice said, and you turned to see Robin by your bedside, looking exhausted.

You went to speak but found that your mouth was incredibly dry, your throat sore. Robin noticed immediately and grabbed a jug of water, holding the straw to your lips to help you drink. You accepted the help gratefully, and the ice water soothed your mouth and throat.

“Thank you,” you croaked out as she set the water jug back on the rolling table. “What…happened?”

Robin looked at you sympathetically. “You were bleeding really bad. They had to take you back for emergency surgery. But you’re okay now,” she added the last part quickly, seeing the panic rising on your face. “They got it under control. You’re going to be just fine.”

You nodded, and Robin looked behind you as another voice spoke. You hadn’t even realized you weren’t the only two people in the room.

“Somebody wants to meet you, if you’re up for it.”

You turned to see Steve, holding a little bundle of blankets gently in his arms. He looked even more tired than Robin, but he also looked happy. Your eyes locked in on the tiny bundle as Steve brought it closer before leaning down and placing it gently in your arms.

He was perfect. Sure everyone thinks their baby is the cutest, but this one? This had to be the cutest baby to ever exist. Tears began to fall and a huge smile spread its way across your cheeks as you took in the sight of him. You looked him all over, wanting to memorize every part of him.

He looked like Eddie. The realization sent a pang of guilt and hurt through your heart. He had a head full of dark brown curly hair, and looked up at you with the same big brown doe eyes his father had that got him anything he wanted. You realized you had just created another little person who would have that power over you. He was still so small, only born 5lbs 6oz. But he was healthy, and strong. The hospital just wanted to keep him for a few extra days since he was premature.

Your mom and Dustin returned a minute later, both relieved to see you awake and alert. Dustin got to hold his nephew for the first time, and you took a photo on the polaroid camera you packed. You got a picture of everyone holding him, and your mom took plenty of you, one including Steve and Robin on either side of you like three proud parents.

Asher James Henderson was perfect. You had decided to give him your own last name, since you were doing it alone and you were the only parent on the birth certificate.

You were terrified of being a single mother - even with the amazing support you had, it was still horrifying to think about. But honestly? You rocked it.

Asher was a happy baby, hardly ever fussed and slept like an angel. He loved spending time with you, would light up in the brightest smile every time he saw your face. He was also close with Steve and Robin, who came by every day. Uncle Dusty was another favorite, and your mom stepped into the grandma role happily and easily. Things were not the nightmare you feared they would be.

He got a bit crazier once he entered the toddler years. Reminding you of Eddie and what he must have been like as a child - which happened every single day - he was full of endless energy, completely fearless and always looking for adventure. You spent most of your time chasing after him and stopping him from climbing the furniture. But he was also the sweetest kid in the world, full of love for his mom and loved ones.

2 ½ years after Eddie’s departure, things had become easier and easier. You were comfortable with your little life, your little unconventional family. You were happy. Sure, sometimes it felt lonely, but you didn’t feel the need to date when you felt your attention should be all on Asher. And the idea of bringing a new man into his life scared you. So you didn’t.

You liked your job at the diner. You’d been there since the summer after graduation, and while it could be hard work and long hours, you loved your coworkers like family and it took care of you and Ash.

You were wiping down an empty table when the bell above the door chimed, signaling someone had entered the restaurant. You looked up to see Steve rushing in, breathless, still in his Family Video uniform. He held a piece of paper in his hand as he looked around, presumably for you.

When he spotted you he came walking over with purpose, which made you furrow your brows in confusion over what could possibly be so important.

Steve reached you and slammed the paper on the table in front of you. “You’re not gonna believe this shit.”

You looked down at the paper - and felt your blood run cold.

“…Corroded Coffin is coming to Hawkins?” you asked, your voice suddenly weak.

“A homecoming show,” Steve scoffed. “This weekend. I thought they were too good for us now, but I guess they can spare one little visit for us hicks.”

Steve looked pissed. Eddie’s calls had stopped for him, too, not long after he left. You weren’t surprised - if he had abandoned you, the woman he claimed to be in love with for years, then nothing surprised you about him anymore. But Steve had been deeply hurt.

Your ears were ringing. You thought you might pass out. You couldn’t believe what you were looking at - they were really coming here. Back home to Hawkins. Eddie and Asher would be in the same place and not even know the other existed.

“Hey, hey,” Steve said, suddenly realizing you didn’t look too good. He rubbed your back. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have sprung it on you like that. I just…I just saw it and I freaked and I had to tell you.”

You shook your head. “No, Steve, it’s…it’s alright. I’m glad you told me. I guess it doesn’t really matter, though. It’s not like I’ll be going.”

Steve looked at you, his face etched with concern. “Are you sure you don’t want to see him?”

You bit your bottom lip nervously. “I don’t think so, Steve. I don’t think I can.”

Steve nodded in understanding. “Okay. Well I’m not gonna push you. But if you wanna go, try to talk to him…we can do that. It could be good.”

You considered his words. Should you see Eddie? Let him explain himself? …Maybe tell him about his son? The thought made you feel like you could be sick.

“You look pale,” Steve said, looking worried. “You should sit down.”

You waved him off. “I’m fine.” Steve didn’t look like he believed you, but he didn’t push the subject. “Look, I’ll think about it, okay? I don’t know what to do right now. I don’t know what to think.”

Steve wrapped you up tight in his strong arms. “Hey, it’s your decision, sweetheart. You let me know what you want and we’ll make it happen. I’ll be right by your side either way.”

You nodded, grateful for Steve’s unwavering support as tears began to fall. Great, now you were crying and you still had 4 hours left of your shift.

Steve held you for a little longer, fingers soothingly brushing through your hair before he pulled back. “I gotta get going. I just totally ditched Robin to run over here the second that guy dropped these flyers off.” He ran a hand through his immaculate hair. “We’ll talk later, okay? It’s okay. Everything’s gonna be okay.”

You wanted to believe your friend’s words as you watched him go, but it was hard. You had finally found your footing on your own, and now Eddie was coming back to Hawkins and throwing everything off. Going to this show or not would be a life changing decision. Either you can keep living life as you are, ignore the show and Corroded Coffin leaves Hawkins again without giving you a second thought…or you go, talk to Eddie, and flip both of your lives upside down.

You felt thoroughly fucked.

[keferon]

Have another

Cause I’m on a roll apparently

———————

Jazz wouldn’t lie when he told Prowl that this was weird to him. His new body was both perfect and terrible. Not that Shockwave and Wheeljack weren’t good at what they do! Just that… it would take some getting used to. The visor, he was nearly 100% certain had been at Prowl’s request though. Something familiar to orient himself with. The rest of him was… Prowl had said it was a ghost of a Polyhexian frame. Some city on Prowl’s home planet.

Well, Polyhexian with doorwings. That had been one of Shockwave’s additions apparently. Jazz… didn’t know how to feel about them quite yet. Walking had been a challenge for a bit as he reacquainted himself with his sense of balance because of them. They were… very sensitive. It made him understand a lot of Prowl’s early interactions with him even more.

“What are you thinking about?”

And apparently, his mech partner (lover?) could read them like they spoke a whole other language.

Jazz lifted his visored gaze away from his hands (servos now, they were called servos). Prowl was watching him, those doorwings of his twitching where they were lifted high behind him. Eager. Cautious. Jazz studied Prowl further, tracing glowing white eyes (optics) over the other’s face. Now that he could properly see Prowl this up-close he could see all the tiny micro-expressions the other gave off. The way his blue eyes (optics you fucker) seemed to cycle and turn while he pondered in something, the way his mouth twitched in a light frown in concern and worry.

Jazz smiled softly. He may not have many positive thoughts on his new body at the moment, but he did have a few. This biggest one being his size. He reached up to cup Prowl’s face with his hands (~servoooos~). He watched as his counterpart melted into the touch, doorwings loosing their tension. Jazz could feel his own spread out a bit behind him, fanning like a halo.

“This body will take some getting used to, but—” Jazz cut himself off as he leaned forward a bit from his spot on Prowl’s desk, placing a gentle kiss on the corner of Prowl’s mouth. “I am more than up for the challenge.”

Prowl’s servos lifted up from where he had bracketed Jazz’s hips on the desk, cradling Jazz close. One servo on the junction of his neck and jaw, the other on his waist. Prowl tipped his head to correct the half kiss that Jazz had given him, pressing forward to full on devour the other. Jazz felt something inside of him purr in glee.

Audibly. Might he add.

It caused him to jump a bit, flinching in Prowl’s hold. The Cybertronian laughed against his mouth as he pulled back from the kiss.

“It’s an engine. It revved due to an emotional and physical response from you,” Prowl explained with a soft smile, tipping their foreheads together.

Jazz offered a small smile of embarrassment as he resettled his hands on Prowl’s chest. He did miss the other’s mech form, but he couldn’t deny that his old form from when they first met was prettier.

“You’ll have to teach me. I only know some cause you told me ‘bout them,” Jazz hummed lightly.

Prowl smirked at him, and the little ball of light in his chest (his spark, thank god he had one) flipped. Prowl pressed forward, tipping Jazz onto the desk so he was on his back, doorwings flared out. Jazz swallowed, feeling his engine rev again in response. Prowl’s smirk seemed to grow a bit, that field of emotions that Prowl described to him growing in joy and wistful possessiveness.

“I plan to. After all, you’re finally the perfect size for everything I dreamed of,” Prowl purred at him, a joyful smile creeping across his face at Jazz’s laugh.

“You’re just ‘appy I’m smaller than you by a bit. So you can drag me out of danger,” Jazz snickered as Prowl leaned down to rest their foreheads together again.

“96%. I’m happy you’re alive. That I have the chance to share eons with you. I’m happy I can court you properly. Humans have such finite lives. I was so afraid I had lost you forever,” Prowl whispered, smile going soft and sad as he cradled Jazz close.

Jazz couldn’t help but echo the bittersweet feeling. He will lose his connection with Earth because of this choice Prowl had made. Jazz wasn’t angry, far from it, but he was sad that there would be a part of him grieving his connection with his home. Jazz lifted his head to place a kiss to Prowl’s red chevron.

“I’m here. Don’t plan on going anywhere, Prowler. You’re all I need,” the human turned Cybertronian whispered, pressing out his EM field to give Prowl that reassurance.

Prowl’s own engine rumbled in peace as he leaned over his desk, just holding Jazz close from where he was sprawled across the furniture. It wasn’t perfect. There were things they’d need to discuss, and issues they would need to resolve, hopefully something a few visits to Ratchet and Wheeljack could help fix. It wasn’t perfect, but it was their’s.

And that was enough.

OH MY FUCKING GOD??? Oh THIS IS SO

OFNFJFOGNFJDBDKDMFFKFDFKFJFJDKKFKFJFJFKFMFMFNFNFKRNRNNFNFNFNFKF

Link to the Previous part

[hadesoftheladies]

That there is a consistent, global, pan-cultural and universal social conditioning that is the sole and only reason why women desire the things that they desire.

bro really thinks that patriarchy isn't a consistent, global, pan-cultural and universal conditioning that constructs women's sense of self.

You don't believe women should have the freedom to make choices

they have to keep putting words in my mouth because they can't actually engage with anything i say, lmao. choice feminism is such an obstacle to women's liberation. bro probably believes in ethical prostitution, too.

Because I've read it, and did not default to 'oh wow this must be true because it validates everything I want to believe' I can in fact point out that no element of it has ever actually been PROVEN. It conflates some elements (social and fashion trends, cultural norms, and basic animal behaviors) into a vast and all-powerful conspiracy theory whereupon it becomes your duty!

Wait . . . oh I get it! You're all MRA's! OMG that explains so much! you're all anti women's liberation that's why you all have shit for brains! lmao, you all actually hate women and are probably a group of perverts circulating the same pedophile/porn material. you're just autogynephiles circulating radblr. that explains it! the "feminism is a conspiracy theory" was a dead give-away. y'all thought stringing together a bunch of political buzzwords would do anything.

cope more, moids. go piss on a street or whatever you unwashed-ass having buffoons do.

what women hear when I criticize femininity: this woman is so stupid and should be treated like the baby she is by not allowing her to make decisions

what I actually mean: the desire for male validation is beneath you

what women hear when I criticize dating/marrying men: these dumb hoes are too dick-addicted to make proper decisions

what I actually mean: the desire for male validation is beneath you

[eu-nicola]

best secret

summary: while the Pogues are searching for the gold, you're left behind, trapped with your abusive father. when Rafe discovers what's going on, he steps in to save you. when the Pogues return and discover your relationship with Rafe, tensions boil over

warnings: violence, confrontation

word counter: 4384

author's note: english is not my first language

this is a request from @tracymbcm

The lights of Tannyhill shone brightly in the distance, like a beacon illuminating everything perfectly.

You were in the backyard of Tannyhill, sitting on a stone table that probably cost more than your entire house. The night was warm, but you still felt a slight chill running through your skin. It could be from the air or from the presence of Rafe Cameron, leaning against a column, looking at you with that smile that made your chest tighten in ways you didn’t want to admit.

“If JJ knew about this, he would kill me.” Your voice broke the silence, a mix of nerves and sincerity in your words.

Rafe raised an eyebrow, his smile widening, but his eyes never left yours.

“If JJ knew about this, he would have been dead for months.” His tone was light, as if he said it in jest, but you knew that look. He wasn’t joking.

You should have laughed, maybe even responded with a scathing comment, but the truth was that the idea of ​​JJ finding out what you were doing terrified you. How could you explain to him that after years of swearing that you hated Rafe Cameron as much as he did, you had ended up here, seeing him in secret?

“Why are you doing this, Rafe?” you asked, abruptly changing the subject. You had thought about that question many times, but you had never dared say it out loud.

Rafe stopped smiling, slowly pushing himself off the column as he made his way towards you. Each step he took seemed to charge the air around you. When he reached your side, he leaned in slightly, just enough for his intense, direct blue eyes to catch yours.

“Because with you I don’t have to pretend.”

The words hit something deep inside you, leaving a crack in your carefully constructed defenses. You looked at him, searching for any trace of lying or manipulation, but all you found was honesty, raw and unvarnished.

“That doesn’t make it any less complicated.” You tried to make your voice sound firm, but there was a slight tremor that betrayed everything.

He tilted his head, his expression softening a little.

“And that’s why you’re still here? Despite everything.”

You didn’t answer. You couldn’t. Because the truth was, no matter how hard you tried to get away, you always ended up coming back. Something about Rafe dragged you along, like a current you couldn’t avoid.

He moved closer, his hand finding your waist with an ease that made you catch your breath.

“Look at me.” His voice was low, almost a whisper, but charged with intensity.

You obeyed, even though every part of you screamed not to. His eyes seemed to pierce through you, seeing parts of you no one else had noticed.

“Do you know what happens to me when you’re not around?” he asked, his tone so serious that you felt a lump forming in your throat. “It’s like everything is… empty again. You make it all make sense.”

Your heart skipped a beat, and suddenly the space between you felt nonexistent.

“Rafe…” you started, but he cut you off, shaking his head as his forehead brushed yours.

“Don’t say you don’t feel it too.”

And you didn’t. You couldn’t. Because you did. You had felt it from the first moment his lips touched yours weeks ago, from the instant he looked at you as if you were more than just a Pogue.

This time, you were the one who closed the distance. The kiss started slow, as if you were both afraid of breaking something fragile, but soon it became more urgent, more desperate. Your hands found his neck as he pulled you closer, as if he feared you might disappear at any moment.

In that instant, everything disappeared: the Pogues, JJ, the Kooks, the consequences you knew would fall upon you. Nothing else mattered. Just Rafe and you.

When you finally broke apart, you were both breathing heavily. Rafe leaned against your forehead, his hands still firm on your waist.

“Regretful?” he asked with that lopsided smile that always disarmed you.

“Not yet.” Your voice was more confident than you expected, though deep down you knew that answer could change.

Rafe let out a soft laugh, running a finger through a loose strand of your hair.

“You’re braver than you think, Pogue.”

“And you’re more of an idiot than you let on.”

Rafe was still so close that you could feel the heat of his body as he pulled away slightly, his fingers still absentmindedly playing with a strand of your hair. His smile grew softer, less teasing, and for a moment it seemed like there was something else on his mind.

“I have an idea,” he said suddenly, his voice low, as if he was afraid to break the moment.

“What kind of idea?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.

Rafe stepped back, crossing his arms as he looked at you with a mix of expectation and excitement.

Rafe stepped back, crossing his arms as he looked at you with a mix of anticipation and excitement.

“Tomorrow. You and me. A real date.”

That took you by surprise. Even though you’d been seeing each other on the sly for weeks, the thought of something as formal as a date hadn’t crossed your mind. Was it even possible? Your lips curved into a small smile.

“And how do you propose we do that without JJ or the guys deciding to kill you?”

Rafe shrugged, his expression confident as ever.

“You’re running away. You’ve done it before.”

“Rafe…” you started, even though you already knew you’d end up agreeing.

“Trust me. It’ll be perfect.” His eyes were shining, as if he was already imagining what it would be like. He took another step towards you and placed his hands on your hips, leaning in just enough so that his lips were just a few inches from yours. “Just you and me. No one else.”

You sighed, as if you were considering your options, but in reality your decision was made from the moment you looked into his eyes.

“Okay,” you finally relented, your voice laced with a mix of excitement and resignation.

Rafe’s smile widened.

“Meet me at Figure Eight Harbor, just before sunset. Bring something comfortable.”

“Any other directions, Mr. Cameron?” you asked, arching an eyebrow in a sarcastic tone.

Rafe leaned in and gave you a quick kiss, barely a brush, before pulling away.

“Just don’t be late.”

You watched him walk away toward the house, his steps confident and relaxed. When he turned around for the last time, he gave you a look and a smile that made your stomach turn.

That night, as you made your way back to your house, you couldn’t help but imagine what the date would be like. With Rafe, nothing was ever easy, but there was something about the way he looked at you, how he seemed to want to show you a different world, that made it worth the risk.

The next morning the morning sun streamed through the windows of your room, bathing the walls in a warmth that would normally have comforted you. But this time, you were too excited to pay attention to the small details. Today was the day. A date with Rafe Cameron.

You had woken up early, your heart racing and a smile that seemed impossible to erase. The pogues were away, completely absorbed in their quest for gold. With them gone, sneaking off to meet up with Rafe seemed easier than ever. Without JJ hovering like a hawk and Sarah suspecting a thing, you could finally relax and enjoy some alone time with him without the constant fear of being discovered.

You spent the day getting everything ready. You picked out comfortable clothes, like Rafe had suggested, but also something you knew he would appreciate: a light, simple dress that fell softly over your legs and sandals that would allow you to move around without any problems. You had tied your hair up in a carefree way, leaving a few strands loose to frame your face. You didn’t want to look overdressed, but you also couldn’t help but want to impress him. 

By the time it was time to leave, the plan seemed perfect. You just had to avoid your father, something you usually managed with ease when he was deep in his own problems. With the guys gone and his attention divided between the television and the empty beers piling up on the table, there was no reason for this time to be any different. 

Or so you thought. 

As you walked down the stairs, holding a small bag in your hand, Luke’s raspy voice echoed from the living room. 

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” “I’m just going for a walk,” he asked, his bloodshot eyes fixed on you.

You froze on the spot, your fingers clenching your bag tightly. You knew you couldn’t tell him the truth, but you hadn’t prepared an excuse either.

“I’m just going for a walk,” you said, trying to sound casual as you avoided his gaze.

Luke stood up from the couch with a jerk, his body swaying slightly, and you realized immediately that he was drunk. Again.

“Going for a walk?” he repeated, his tone full of mockery. “You’re not as smart as you think, kid. Do you really think you can get away without me knowing?”

Your heart began to beat faster. You tried to stay calm, but you knew how these things ended.

“It’s no big deal, Dad. I’m just going for a walk, that’s all.”

“Don’t talk to me like I’m stupid.” His voice rose a pitch, and the thud of a bottle falling to the floor made you take a step back. His eyes narrowed as he looked you up and down. “Why are you all dressed up? Huh? Who are you going to see?”

“No one,” you lied quickly, but your voice shook, and that only seemed to make him angrier.

Luke took a step towards you, and the air in the room became heavy, suffocating.

“You’ve always been a liar, just like your mother.” His words were venom, and the contempt in his voice made you clench your fists at your sides. “What? You think you can just walk away and leave me here like I don’t exist?”

Fear began to creep its way into your chest, but you didn’t let it show on your face. You had learned to hide it well, to survive moments like this.

“I’m not leaving anyone, Dad. I just want to get out for a bit.”

“DON’T MOVE!” he suddenly shouted, slamming the table so hard that the noise echoed throughout the house.

Your body tensed, your feet rooted to the ground. You stared at the door for a moment, calculating if you could escape, but you knew he would reach you before you could even turn the knob.

“You’re not going anywhere,” he growled as he approached, his steps firm and heavy. “Always doing whatever you want, always thinking you’re better than me.”

Every word out of his mouth was like a blow, but the real blows began soon after. He threw a glass against the wall, just inches from where you stood, and the sound of glass breaking made you instinctively step back.

“Dad, stop.” Your voice was low, but firm, even though inside you were shaking.

“STOP?” He laughed bitterly. “Don’t tell me what to do. You’re nobody to give me orders!”

You felt a lump in your throat, helplessness mixing with the pain of knowing there was no way to reason with him in this state. All you wanted was to get out of that house, get to the port, and be with Rafe, away from all of this. But with every passing second, it seemed more impossible.

Finally, you took advantage of a moment when he was distracted looking for another bottle to try and move towards the door. But when Luke noticed, his face twisted into a mix of fury and contempt.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he growled as he blocked your way.

You were trapped. And as time continued to tick, you felt the chance to see Rafe slip through your fingers.

Away from you, as time passed, and there was no sign of you. Rafe first thought maybe you were late, but as the sun began to set completely, worry began to settle in his chest.

“Where are you?” he murmured, looking at his phone. He had texted twenty minutes ago, but you hadn’t responded. You hadn’t read the text either. 

Rafe knew something was wrong. Even though your relationship was a secret, you had never missed a date without notice, and the thought of something stopping you made him more uneasy than he was willing to admit. His jaw tightened as he climbed into his truck. No matter what the reason was, he was going to find you. 

He drove straight to your house, or as he silently called it, “Pougeland.” The Maybank home wasn’t in the best condition, and Rafe hated every second you spent there, especially because of Luke. He had heard enough about the man to know he wasn’t someone to be trusted, and the thought of you being alone with him infuriated him. 

As he approached the entrance, the sound of shouting from inside the house made his heart skip a beat. He didn’t need to confirm who they were; He recognized your voice, full of fear, and Luke's, in an angry and aggressive tone. He quickened his pace towards the door, and just as he was about to enter, he heard the sound of something breaking.

“Dad, stop!” Your voice came through clearly, desperate and scared.

That was enough for Rafe to act. He pushed the door open, the frame creaking from the force, and what he saw filled him with anger. Luke was on top of you, holding your arm as you tried to free yourself. Your face was marked, with the trace of a recent blow, and your eyes reflected both pain and terror.

“Let go of my girlfriend right now, motherfucker!” Rafe roared as he launched himself at Luke without a second thought.

Rafe’s presence startled Luke enough for him to loosen his grip for a moment, and you managed to stagger back to the side. Rafe didn’t give you time to react. He landed a punch straight to the jaw that sent him tumbling backwards, but Luke quickly recovered, attempting to strike back. 

“What the hell are you doing here, brat? It’s none of your business!” Luke shouted, furious as he tried to grab Rafe. 

“It is when you’re hurting her!” Rafe shoved him hard against the wall, his rage igniting like an uncontrollable fire. 

The two men grappled, but Rafe had the upper hand. Though Luke tried to punch him, he was too drunk to be effective. Rafe eventually tackled him to the ground, pinning him down with one knee as he gasped for air. 

“If you touch her again, I’ll kill you,” Rafe snapped in a cold, deadly voice. 

Luke let out a bitter laugh, but didn’t get a chance to respond. Rafe dropped him on the ground, unconscious from one last blow, and turned to you.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his voice much softer now, though his eyes still glittered with fury.

You were shaking, leaning against the wall, tears rolling down your cheeks. You nodded weakly, but Rafe saw clearly that you weren’t okay. Without another word, he picked you up, ignoring your weak protests, and carried you to his truck.

“Rafe, you don’t have to do this…” you murmured, but your voice cracked.

“Yes, I do have to,” he replied, his jaw set as he carefully placed you in the passenger seat.

He drove straight to the hospital, his hands gripping the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles turned white. When they arrived, Rafe insisted that you be checked out, and while the doctors made sure you had no serious injuries, Sheriff Shoupe arrived to take a report.

At first, you were reluctant to speak, but Rafe stayed by your side, holding your hand as you recounted what had happened. It was difficult, but every time you hesitated, Rafe looked at you with that mix of determination and tenderness that made you feel stronger.

Finally, Shoupe nodded, closing his notebook.

“We’ll do whatever it takes to keep Luke from bothering you again. I’ll send a team to arrest him right now.”

Rafe let out a sigh of relief, though he still seemed tense. He helped you out of the hospital, and when you finally climbed back into his truck, the silence between you was charged but comforting.

“Thanks, Rafe,” you murmured, barely audibly.

He turned his head toward you, his expression softening for the first time all night.

“You don’t have to thank me,” he said, his voice low but firm. “I’ll always be here for you. Always.”

The days following the incident at your house were a whirlwind. After Rafe’s intervention, you’d spent more time with him than ever before. Though you’d tried to reach out to the guys, you knew they were too busy with their obsession with gold to really pay attention. On the one hand, you felt guilty for keeping secrets from them, but on the other, it hurt that they weren’t there when you needed them most.

Rafe, on the other hand, wouldn’t leave your side. After what had happened with Luke, he’d insisted that you stay at one of the Cameron properties, a place where he knew you’d be safe. Though it was strange to depend on him, you also felt more protected than ever.

When the Pogues finally returned, they were quick to notice your absence. JJ was the first to raise his voice.

“Where’s my sister?” “He asked, his tone tense as he walked down the dock.

Sarah, who had spent the last few weeks feeling guilty for leaving you behind, tried to calm him down.

“Maybe she’s at home, JJ. We can’t assume the worst.”

“Oh no? What if something happened to her while we were away looking for useless treasure?” he snapped, pointing at her.

“Easy there, buddy,” John B chimed in. “Let’s go find her and see what’s going on.”

Without wasting any more time, the Pogues hopped in the Twinkie and headed straight to your house. But when they arrived, they found the front door taped shut and the place completely empty. The sight stunned them.

“What the hell happened here?” Kiara muttered, crossing her arms as she looked at the mess.

JJ, furious, started pounding on the door with his fist.

“This doesn’t make sense!”

Sarah was the first to notice that something was out of place. From her perspective, something about the mess and the police tapes seemed familiar.

“I think this has to do with Luke,” she said quietly, looking around.

“My father?” JJ turned to her. “If that bastard did anything to him, I’ll kill him with my own hands!”

John B tried to calm him down, but it was clear that everyone was just as worried. They didn’t know where you were, and uncertainty was eating away at them.

Hours later, it was Sarah who finally found you. You were with Rafe, on a remote beach, leaning against his chest as he held you protectively. The rest of the guys arrived shortly after, stopping dead in their tracks at the sight.

“What…?” JJ was the first to react, his shocked expression giving way to uncontrollable fury. “What the hell are you doing with him?”

You pulled away from Rafe quickly, but he stayed by your side, his gaze fixed on JJ with a mix of defiance and warning.

“JJ, I can explain,” you said, but your voice was shaking.

“Explain it?” Kiara interjected, her face a mix of disbelief and disappointment. “We’re looking for you everywhere and you just happen to be here, cuddling with him!”

“How could you betray us like that?” JJ snapped, taking a step towards you. “He’s a fucking bully, a psychopath!”

“Stop it!” Rafe raised his voice, and everyone glared at him with hatred. His jaw was set, his eyes shining with suppressed fury. “While you guys were too busy on your fucking treasure hunt, I was here saving your sister from your fucking father!”

The silence that followed was deafening. The Pogues stared at him as if they couldn’t believe what they were hearing.

“What?” JJ asked, his tone lower, but still filled with distrust.

“Luke,” you finally said, your voice cracking as you tried to find the words. Luke… he attacked me.

“If I hadn’t gotten there in time,” Rafe continued, his voice sharp. “If I hadn’t been there, your father would have killed her.”

JJ’s expression changed drastically. It went from anger to fear, and then to pain as he processed what Rafe had just said.

“That can’t be true,” he muttered.

“It’s true, JJ,” you said, your voice barely audible. “Rafe saved me.”

The rest of the Pogues fell silent, processing the truth. Kiara looked down, while John B placed a hand on JJ’s shoulder. Sarah, who already suspected as much, simply nodded regretfully.

Rafe looked at you for a moment before turning his attention back to them.

“I don’t care what they think of me,” he said firmly. “But I’m not going to apologize for protecting her.”

The air between you was thick with tension, but this time, it wasn’t hatred that filled the silence. The Pogues didn’t say anything else, but the glances they exchanged confirmed that, as much as they hated to admit it, Rafe was right.

In the days that followed, although no one said anything directly, you could feel their gazes shifting away whenever Rafe accompanied you or when they mentioned something that might have to do with you. There were no more accusations or confrontations, but there was no open acceptance either. It was as if they had decided to ignore the subject entirely, something you were grateful for even though it hurt a little.

Rafe, for his part, remained unwavering. Despite the judgment he knew he was receiving, he never let it push him away from you. If anything, he seemed more determined than ever to prove to you that you could fully trust him.

One afternoon, as you sat on the porch of the house where you were now staying, Rafe drove up in his truck. He got out with a paper bag in his hand and that crooked smile you knew all too well.

“What do you have there?” “You asked, putting aside the book you had been pretending to read.

“Surprise,” he replied, walking over to you with an air of mystery.

Rafe sat down next to you and pulled out two wrapped burgers and a box of fries from the bag.

“I thought you might want something other than canned food,” he joked as he handed you one of the burgers.

You couldn’t help but laugh. It was a small gesture, but after everything that had happened, it meant a lot.

“You’re a hero,” you said with a smile before taking a bite of the burger.

You spent the rest of the afternoon talking about anything but the Pogues or Luke. Rafe seemed determined to keep you away from any topic that might make you uncomfortable, and you appreciated that more than you could put into words.

A few days later, as you walked with Rafe along the beach, you unexpectedly ran into Sarah. She was alone, sitting on the sand with her gaze lost in the horizon. Seeing you, she raised her hand in a shy greeting.

“Hey,” he said, his tone surprisingly soft.

Rafe braced himself beside you, clearly prepared for an argument, but Sarah didn’t seem interested in fighting.

“I just wanted to tell you that…” he paused, looking first at you and then at his brother. “Thank you. For being there for her.”

Rafe looked taken aback for a moment, but then nodded.

“You don’t have to thank me,” he replied in a neutral tone.

Sarah looked at you, and for the first time in days, you thought there was some warmth in her eyes.

“We… the guys and I… shouldn’t have judged you. It’s just that…” she sighed, rubbing her temples. “We didn’t expect something like this to be happening while we were gone.”

“I understand,” you said, though there was still a small wound in your chest from how you had been treated at first.

“But if you’re happy with him… then it’s okay,” Sarah continued, looking at Rafe with a mix of wariness and resignation. “Just… take care of her, okay?”

Rafe smirked. “I plan to do that.”

After that encounter, things began to change. The Pogues didn���t mention your relationship with Rafe anymore, and while not everyone was completely comfortable with the situation, they realized it wasn’t something they could control.

JJ was still the most distant, though he avoided any sarcastic comments when you were with Rafe. John B and Kiara seemed more neutral, and Sarah, though torn, slowly began to accept that Rafe was an important part of your life now.

Even though you knew there were still tensions with the Pogues and that life on the Outer Banks would always be complicated, at that moment, you felt like everything was where it needed to be. With Rafe by your side, you knew you could face whatever came next.

[maskedbyghost]

OKAYY IMA TRY MY BEST HERE TO EXPLAIN, so like reader and ghost were married but got divorced because of how toxic ghost was being but they never can really stay away from each other because they are both still in love with each other and ghost keeps coming to her house and they always argue and then fuck after, and like the argue part is really just the reader yelling at him and telling him how much she hates him and how much she wants him to get out , AND SOTHING I REALLY LIKE IS WHEN THE READERIS PUSHING HIM AND PUNCHING BUT HE NOT MOVING AT ALL, and after she is panting out of breath and then they fuckkk, I KNOW ITS KINDA CHOPPY AND NOT IN GREAT DETAIL BUT WOULD LOVE TO SEE IT <33333

sorry for the wait, i didn't have time to write anything for a few days, but i'm back bitchesss!!! 18+ below!

it’s late. the kind of late where the world feels too quiet, where even the hum of the fridge seems too loud. you’re curled up on the couch, trying to lose yourself in a show you’re not really watching, when there’s a knock at the door.

your stomach twists. you know who it is before you even get up. he’s the only one who would show up unannounced, especially at this hour.

when you open the door, there he is—ghost, or simon, or whatever he’s calling himself tonight. he’s leaning against the doorframe like he belongs there, hands stuffed into his jacket pockets, his dark eyes locking onto yours the moment the door swings open.

“what the hell do you want?” you snap, gripping the edge of the door like it’s the only thing keeping you upright.

he doesn’t answer right away, just tilts his head slightly, taking you in like he hasn’t seen you in years. like he doesn’t know every inch of you better than he knows himself.

“couldn’t sleep,” he says finally, his voice calm, like it always is.

“so you thought you’d come here?” your voice is rising, sharp with anger. “you can’t just—”

“you gonna let me in?” he interrupts, and that calmness is what sets you off.

“no,” you spit, pushing against his chest. “no, you don’t get to do this. you don’t get to just show up here whenever you feel like it.”

he doesn’t move. doesn’t even flinch. it’s like pushing against a brick wall, and it only makes you angrier.

“you’re unbelievable,” you yell, shoving him again. and again. harder this time, your palms slamming into his chest. “i hate you. i hate you for ruining everything. for ruining me.”

his jaw tightens, but he still doesn’t say anything, just lets you keep going. lets you push and punch and yell until your chest heaves and your fists stay pressed against him, trembling with the effort.

you’re out of breath, the heat of anger and frustration flooding your cheeks. and he’s just... standing there, looking down at you with that maddening calm like none of this is breaking him apart too.

“feel better?” he asks, his voice low, almost teasing, and it makes you want to scream.

“fuck you,” you whisper, but your voice cracks, and you hate yourself for it.

his hand moves then, slowly, deliberately. he cups your jaw, his touch warm, firm, grounding you when you don’t want to be grounded.

“you don’t mean that,” he says, so quiet it’s almost a whisper.

and then he kisses you.

it’s not gentle. it’s rough and desperate, teeth clashing and hands grabbing, his body pressing you back against the wall as if he can’t stand even an inch of space between you.

you hate him. you hate that he can do this to you, that he can unravel you with a look, a touch, a kiss. but you kiss him back just as fiercely, because as much as you hate him, you hate how much you still love him even more.

the door slams shut behind him, forgotten, as you pull him deeper into the house, into you, where he’s never really left.

his lips crash into yours with a hunger that feels almost punishing, like he’s angry with himself for needing you this much. your back presses against the wall, the cool surface a sharp contrast to the heat coursing through your body. his hands are everywhere—one cupping the back of your neck, the other gripping your hip hard enough to leave bruises, like he’s afraid you’ll slip away.

you claw at his jacket, shoving it off his shoulders as your lips part with a gasp. his breath is ragged, hot against your skin as he leans down to press open-mouthed kisses along your jaw, your neck.

“this is a mistake,” you whisper, even as your fingers tangle in his hair, pulling him closer.

“yeah,” he mutters against your skin, his voice low and rough. “but you keep letting me in.”

his words send a shiver down your spine, and you hate how much truth they hold. but there’s no time to dwell on it, not when his hands slide beneath your shirt, his calloused palms warm against your bare skin. your head tips back, a soft sound escaping your lips as his thumbs trace slow circles over your ribs, like he’s savoring every moment.

you push at his chest again, but this time there’s no anger behind it, only desperation. “simon,” you breathe.

he pulls back just enough to look at you, his eyes dark, searching. “tell me to stop,” he says, his voice barely above a whisper. but you don’t. you can’t.

instead, you grab the collar of his shirt, yanking him back down to you, and that’s all the answer he needs. he lifts you effortlessly, your legs wrapping around his waist as he carries you to the bedroom. the door hits the wall with a thud, but you barely notice, too lost in the way his lips move against yours, in the way his body feels pressed against you.

the world outside ceases to exist as he lays you down, his weight a grounding force against the chaos in your mind. your hands explore every inch of him, memorizing the planes of his body, the scars, the parts of him you know better than your own.

his hands roam your body with a desperate sort of reverence, like he’s rediscovering something he thought he’d lost forever. each touch leaves a trail of fire in its wake, making your head spin and your breath hitch.

his lips are relentless, moving from your mouth to your neck, then lower, marking a path that feels both possessive and apologetic.

“tell me you hate me,” he murmurs against your skin, his voice shaky. but the way his hands grip you, the way his body presses against yours, says he’s begging for anything but that.

you don’t answer. instead, your nails dig into his shoulders, pulling him closer, anchoring yourself to him even as your mind screams at you to stop.

“simon,” you whisper again, and it’s almost enough to undo him. his name on your lips is a mix of anger, need, and something softer.

his movements slow for a moment, then he comes up until his forehead presses against yours as he takes a shaky breath. “i can’t stay away from you,” he admits, his voice breaking just slightly, and it feels like the most honest thing he’s ever said.

your lips find his again, softer this time, almost tender, as if to say, i can’t stay away from you either.

whatever fragile restraint was holding him back shatters in an instant. he pulls you impossibly closer, his body moving against yours with an urgency that leaves no room for doubt.

every kiss, every touch, feels like an apology and a promise all at once, and you lose yourself in the push and pull of him, the way he claims you like you’re his and always will be.

in a second you both lose the clothes that were the only barrier between the two of you, and as he slowly enters you he whispers “you’ll never get rid of me,” his tone soft.

you don’t answer immediately, not with words at least. instead, you pull him back to you, your lips meeting his in a kiss that’s just as desperate, just as consuming, as the first.

he tightens his hold on you, pulling you closer, his arms wrapping around you as if he’s afraid you might disappear. “i won’t let you go,” — thrust, “i swear, i won’t let you go” — thrust, “you are my everything,” — thrust.

the words feel like a vow as they leave his lips, his thrusts deep and measured, each one punctuating his promises. you respond with a soft gasp, your body arching into his, the connection between you both intensifying with each movement.

“then prove it,” you breathe, your hands clutching his back, urging him closer. he pauses for a moment, his forehead pressed to yours, his breathing ragged as he searches your eyes.

the vulnerability in his gaze is raw, like he’s offering you everything, but it’s more than just physical. “i will, baby, i promise” he says, before capturing your lips again, his movements steady, determined—he’s showing you, with every inch of his being, that this time, he won’t let go.

---------------------------------------

@daydreamerwoah @spicyspicyliving @blackhawkfanatic

[koenigami]

let me love you. tags : fluff, fem!reader, suggestive, period, cramps wc : 1,1k synopsis : he's there with you, in health and in sickness... and during periods

-

“Where do you think you’re going dressed like that?!”

The smell of Wriothesley's cologne, the blue in his eyes so bright, and the toothy grin on his face. Everything about him did unimaginable things to your body. To your goddamn hormone driven body. 

And the worst was, he knew very well where this conversation was going.

And then there were those incredibly thick arms. With light veins trailing along his biceps, and triceps shaped so perfectly that you really struggled to contain the urge to simply sink your teeth into his thick and corded flesh.

“Like what?” he chuckled and shook his head as you blocked his path, your index finger digging into his broad chest in an accusatory manner.

“Like that!” you stressed and plucked at the stretchy material of his tight black compression shirt. It clung to him like a second layer of skin, accentuating every single muscle in his torso in a way that made you, and unfortunately other fellow females, drool like goddamn dogs. “You don’t have to see your muscles in order to train them.”

Was a plain loose cotton shirt too much to ask for?

“Darling, you’re being ridiculous.”  he muttered with a raised brow before leaning down with a grunt to slip his trainers on. “It's just my training gear?”

It was futile. It always has been. Wriothesley has always been so passive about his looks that you sometimes even wondered whether he was simply unaware of his attractiveness.

“You're right.” He sighed at the overly saccharine and enthusiastic tone in your voice, because there was no way that you were actually agreeing with him. “I am being ridiculous, even miserable, over the fact that my husband is going out and getting ogled by other people while I can just stay at home and bleed to death.”

You deliberately stepped aside, stretching your hand out with a dramatic swing towards the door and shot Wriothesley a poisonously sweet smile. “There you go. Have fun, darling.”

As fast as it came, your forced smile dropped again as you stepped back and trudged with heavy steps past him and back into the living room. Of course, Wriothesley didn't miss the little sharp inhale that sounded from you as you briefly clutched your lower stomach. 

Now, that would explain why you were being so cranky the past two days.

With the thin throw blanket draped over your body as you were lying on the couch, you jerked your head up when Wriothesley’s fingers combed through your hair. About to make a blunt remark about why he was still there, you were quickly shut up by his suddenly soft demeanour.

“Does it hurt a lot?” He asked before he crouched in front of you, his hand tenderly cupping the side of your face.

You nodded, shyly gazing to the side as you suddenly felt a tinge of guilt bloom inside you while watching Wriothesley be so gentle with you, despite you being a moody bitch.

"Did your painkillers help at all?"

You shook your head.

Giving you a thoughtful stare before getting up, Wriothesley left the room as quickly as he had entered it. The sudden disappearance should have left you feeling dejected, disappointed even to be left back in such a vulnerable state. 

Yet as you sat up, blanket pooling around your waist, all you felt was curiosity. Because if you knew one thing about your husband, then it was that he would never turn his back on you while being fully aware of the fact that you were not feeling well. 

Your curiosity was even further piqued when Wriothesley came back with one layer of clothes less, solely clad in underwear, and a clean towel draped over his shoulder. 

“You know what? Maybe I do like your skimpy black shirt.” A nervous chuckle escaped you as you tried to press yourself further into the cushions of the couch, hoping that it would allow you to make yourself disappear. You had an idea what this was all about, and you weren’t sure whether you liked it or not. Your body definitely did, however your mind was screaming at you to run and hide. 

“Here or the bedroom?” The way he tilted his head so innocently almost made it seem as if he asked you if you preferred to dine here or in bed. Though the activities he had in mind had definitely little to do with consuming food, and involved more… intimate matters. “Although, I believe it would be more comfortable for you in bed. That way you won’t have to strain yourself while I-”

"Okay, okay, I get it.” Hell, why did he always have to be so straightforward? Whether the heat that suddenly overcame you was from the immense pain that you were in, or due to your lover’s very, very attractive offer, you weren’t sure. 

But your heartbeat which you could all of a sudden feel in more than only one place, was proof that he definitely was partly responsible for your body’s reaction. “Wriothesley, my love. No. It always gets messy, and I don't want you to feel obligated to do anything just because I-"

"Hey, when have I ever minded? And besides-" The couch dipped as his large form took a seat beside you, his scent and warmth enveloping in a blanket of comfort that magically seemed to ease the cramps. You felt him settle his hand on yours which you had been desperately pressing against your lower abdomen to dampen the pain. Obviously, without success. 

As his thumb traced your knuckles and the little dips between them, you noticed the small crease on Wriothesley’s forehead which made it seem as if your state was aching him more than you. "It helps, doesn't it?"

The mix of determination and fondness that you could discern in his soft blue eyes easily made you cave. So with a deep inhale and exhale, you timidly nudged his thigh with yours as you gazed to the carpet beneath your feet and spoke quietly. “T-The bedroom then.”

You let out a soft gasp when his hand grasped your wrist, pulling you up and throwing the blanket that you’d been covered with haphazardly over the armrest of the couch. You had a feeling that he was about to enjoy this more than you were.

“I guess it will be a different kind of workout today.”

“Oh my god, baby. You didn’t just say that-”

[iolaussharpe-24]

Oh my god, that reminds me of the first time I saw Tremors! I was home from school and my dad was still at work, so I was alone with my mom. We were channel surfing because the news wasn't on yet and a movie I had never seen was playing. I thought it looked funny because "Ha ha lady getting attacked by monster pulls her pants off."

Anyway, I left the room for something and my mom changed the channel.

Some time later, I'm watching tv with my dad and Tremors 3 was on. Again, I thought it was really funny. I didn't know what it was, but my dad was explaining the series to me. Thing is, he wasn't really that familiar with it either. He'd seen the first one when it came out and only had a rough second-hand outline of the other movies.

We bought a Tremors four pack some time later and I wanted to see the funny flying one again. I didn't know which one it was. Assuming it was the second, that's what I watched.

When I say that I didn't want to play outside because I was terrified a Graboid was gonna get me, I mean I refused to leave the pavement even when I was at school. It traumatized me for weeks.

The same thing happened with a really cheap movie called "Tale of the Mummy". Now, back then, The Mummy Returns was one of my favorite movies of all time. It was number one on the list. Could and would watch it all the time and never get tired. (It's still a favorite of mine; don't @ me.) And I saw the original Boris Karloff Mummy for the first time. I loved it. My second favorite classic monster movie behind Creature from the Black Lagoon.

I wanted more Mummies in my life.

The three Brendan Fraser movies, the animated series based on that trilogy (duology at the time), the original black and white movie, Monster High, the works. We found Tale of the Mummy at Best Buy in the five dollar bin. Looked promising.

Scared the living shit out of me so bad I couldn't watch it until about two years ago because I discovered Moon Knight and I needed more ancient Egyptian everything in my life again. The Mummy, Gods of Egypt, Prince of Egypt, etc. etc.

When I watched that movie again and realized how bad some of the effects were I was so disappointed in myself that I couldn't believe that was what scared me so bad. I was watching peopleget ripped apart and eaten by sharks, dinosaurs, monsters, and aliens as a six year old. What do you mean some old bandages dragging a guy down a toilet traumatized me?!

Still makes me mad.

I couldn't watch Ghostbusters or the live action Scooby-Doo either. I was too chicken. It made no sense.

Just saw one of my Facebook friends asking if Secret of Nimh is too scary for a ten year old. Is this why so many of you are such huge wusses now? Because your mom didn't let you see anything more hard hitting than Scooby Doo until you were seventeen?

By ten years old you should already be irreparably traumatized by at least one horror movie

[uraveragelonelysapphic]

Home (2)

Part 1

Pairing: Rio Vidal x fem!Reader

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: little angst, mentions of injury, a lot of hurt/comfort, happy ending!!!

a/n: part 2!!! I hope it satisfies! enjoy enjoy!

As you stirred from sleep, you groaned in discomfort. Your body felt heavy. Your throat felt raw. Your hands were sore.

Your mind reeled as you remembered last night. The screaming, the crying, the desperation in both of you as you clung to each other. After you two had separated, Rio had helped you stand, cleaned you up, and the two of you had gone to bed, falling asleep in each other’s arms with the promise of talking about everything in the morning.

You looked beside you to see an empty spot where she had been. You tried to push yourself to a sitting position in an attempt to get up and look for her, but you hissed at the pain you felt in your hands.

At the sound of your discomfort, you heard soft footsteps hurriedly approaching your shared room.

She opened the door, meeting your eyes cautiously as she was evidently still carrying the guilt of her behavior over the last few weeks.

You nodded, wordlessly consenting to her presence, and she quickly joined you on the bed, helping you to a sitting position.

“I’m not dying, Rio, it’s just my hands,” you croaked out, eyes widening at the sound of your aching voice.

She quirked a brow at you. “Wanna tell me again that it’s ’just your hands’?”

You couldn’t help but smile at her teasing.

You looked at her, your longing for her to be nearer to you gnawing at you.

You opened your mouth to say something but stopped, second-guessing yourself.

Rio tilted her head at you, placing a hand on your knee comfortingly. “What is it, mi vida?”

You sighed, hanging your head in embarrassment. “Can you hold me? Just for a bit?”

Her eyes softened at that, taking you into her arms without hesitation. “I’ll hold you for as long as you want, darling.”

You wrapped your legs around her waist and your arms around her neck, hanging onto her like a koala. You hummed in contentment as she placed a gentle kiss on your collarbone.

As you sat in her arms, you couldn’t help the sudden rise of emotions. Having her so close to you reminded you that just a few days prior, she was so far away. She had faded away from you. Tears welled up in your eyes as you buried your face into Rio’s neck, breathing shakily.

She began to rub your back comfortingly. “It’s alright, sweet girl. I’m here,” she whispered, kissing the top of your head.

You held her tighter. “You were fading away…” you choked out as you sobbed softly. “I almost lost you. I almost lost you to her,” you cried.

Rio’s brows furrowed at this. “To ‘her’?” She questioned.

Your body shook at the thought of losing Rio. “I know she’s older, and you’ve known her for longer, and I can’t compete, with that, I just-” you broke off, sobs becoming uncontrollable.

Rio shushed you softly, rocking you back and forth. “Oh, my sweet darling girl,” she said softly, the realization of your implications causing her heart to break. “You would never lose me to her. Ever. I’m so, so sorry.” 

You pulled back to scan her face for any sign of deception, but you saw none. “But, the pictures, the board-” you began, pausing when she shook her head at you.

“No, no, I was looking for a soul that had body-jumped. The case had her fingerprints all over it, I was searching for her to get to the bottom of it,” she explained, her hands caressing your waist gently and patiently as you processed her words.

You weren’t convinced. She knew that as she took in your furrowed brows and tight lipped expression. “What else do you want to know?” She asked encouragingly, trying to meet your eyes.

“You were so distant,” your voice came out soft, hurt, broken. “If it was just a work assignment, why were you so distant? It doesn’t make sense.”

She took a deep breath, hanging her head in shame. “Because it’s never ‘just a work assignment’ when Agatha is involved. You know that.” Her voice held guilt and regret, and you placed a hand on her cheek, moving her to look at you. You nodded softly, prompting her to continue.

“You know our history, you know how much I gave up for her, how many rules I broke for her. It was never enough. She made me feel weak, worthless, evil.”

“Rio,” you breathed out, but she shook her head at you, silently begging you to let her finish.

“All of those feelings came back when I started working on this case. The hatred I feel towards her. I couldn’t let her ruin another thing for me. I had to take her down. I wanted to hurt her the way she hurt me,” she confessed shamefully.

You began to stroke her hair, causing her to meet your eyes. She had expected to see you judging her, but your eyes held understanding.

“She used you, and she hurt you, and she hated you for doing the job you were born to do. Your feelings are more than reasonable,” you said, taking her hand in yours and squeezing softly. “But, Rio, you aren’t a hateful person. You don’t take, you give. You give the world balance. You give those suffering a chance for a peaceful end. You give so much, despite what anyone may say about you.”

The older woman’s eyes are filled with tears now, smiling softly at you. “Funnily enough, your words were in my head when I finally stood in front of her. I couldn’t go through with it. I let the boy live.”

Tears were streaming down her face now, and you gently wiped underneath her eyes with the pads of your thumbs. “That’s my girl,” you said. This time, you took her into your arms, stroking her back as she cried.

Once she had calmed down, you pulled back, eyes serious. “But, Rio, you can’t let it get like this ever again. You know that, right?” you questioned, and she nodded fiercely at you in understanding.

“I should’ve talked to you. I was so caught up in my anger that all I saw was the case. I didn’t see how I was hurting you until that day I left to finish the job. I saw it then and knew I had to finish and get back to you as soon as possible. But the damage was already done. I made a huge mistake. It will never, ever happen again,” she said, her voice full of remorse.

You nodded, leaning forward to embrace her again. “I forgive you, Rio.”

She breathed a sigh of relief, melting into your hold.

After a moment, she pulled away. She gently lifted you off of her before rising from the bed and holding out her hand. “Come with me?” She asked.

You eyes her suspiciously, wondering what the witch was up to. You took her hand, following her to the living room.

When you got there, you saw a table adorned with wildflowers. In the center was a plate of pancakes with a candle in the middle of the stack.

You looked at her tearfully. “Rio,” you choked out, and she was quick to pull you close to her.

“What is it, my love?” she questioned as she rubbed your back.

“I don’t want to lose you,” you cried, your body beginning to shake with the force of your cries.

The older witch shushed you gently, separating from you just enough to hold your face in her hands as she looked at you. “You won’t. Do you understand? Starting today I am going to treat you with all the love you deserve. I have failed before, and I’m sure I will falter again, but I will do my absolute best to ensure that you never doubt my love. My heart beats for you, mi vida.”

“I love you,” you sobbed, leaning close to her to capture her lips in a kiss. It started out sweet, filled with love, and quickly became needy, both of you fighting to communicate what you couldn’t with words. 

Rio pulled away when she could feel you were out of breath.

“You’re my home, my beautiful, darling girl,” she said, looking at you with adoration.

You held her close in response, breathing in her presence and the warmth that had come with it.

“You’re my home,” she repeated in a whisper, and you smiled.

[myownwholewildworld]

12. MORNING DEW

chapter 11 | ao3 | series masterlist | chapter 13 (soon)

pairing: post-outbreak!joel x f!reader. summary: you and joel need to discuss what the future might look like for the both of you. whether that's together or on your own. a/n: HI! please accept my apologies, i know it's been like a month since i last updated this series. but fret not, here's chapter 12! hope you guys like it. as always, i appreciate comments, reblogs and likes, they keep us writers well fed and motivated! take care, lovelies <3 x warnings: 18+, mdni. fluff, some angsty hurt/comfort. smut because i got my period halfway through writing this. fingering. handjob. oral (m!receiving). edging. soft dom/sub dynamics. brief references to attempted suicide and attempted SA. reader is female, no other description given. reader is mid-late 20s, joel is 37. no use of y/n.  joel’s and reader’s pov. and a special guest’s pov too 👀 dividers by @\saradika-graphics w/c: ~6.5k. taglist aka the drama wagon at the end of the chapter (let me know if you want to be added/removed from the list pls!)

It never seemed to be the proper time to speak to you, Joel thought. Ever since his fuckup last night, he had struggled to find the words, to explain what his thought process was. A few hours ago, he had talked himself into ripping off the plaster and apologise to you, but when he called your name and you turned around with a composed expression, he froze in place.

He didn’t want to lose you too. Joel was afraid he would say something wrong again that would push you even further away from him. And then he would truly be alone, all because of his own actions, his own words. That fear clamped around his throat, preventing him from saying anything. From reaching out.

It was stupid, really. He knew that. Knew you were expecting him to say something, anything. Your blank expression was just a façade, a wall you had built around your heart so he wouldn’t hurt you anymore.

Joel hated himself for it, for your concealed hurt. Hated he had broken that trust between you two and made you feel like he was no longer on your side. He was, always had been, always would be. But he had let fear come between you, an abyss so vast he didn’t think it was salvable. It had to be though ― couldn’t be any other way.

The possibility of being a father again laid in front of him like a path full of dangers. Joel understood how much he could lose, because he had already lost Sarah. How suffocating that experience had been ― still was, every single fucking day.

He was frightened to go through it all over again. Having to hug another dead child of his; having to witness the light flicker away from her eyes. Sarah had been his everything ― his hope, his pride, the love of his life, the reason he would wake up in the morning to go to work, counting his blessings. And it didn’t matter in the slightest how good she was ― she was taken regardless. This world was cruel and unjust and greedy.

But there was also a sliver of hope, of dull excitement, shimmering underneath. One he wouldn’t allow himself to feel.

He still felt like a failure of a father who could not protect his baby girl when she needed him most. That emotional baggage would forever be with him. And he wanted it that way, because it meant he still remembered. This grief he carried was a reminder of the love he held. And he hoped it stayed with him, that she would stay with him.

Joel could still vividly remember digging with bare nails the grave Tommy had prepared for her. Elbow’s deep in the dirt, his fingers reaching for her as thick tears blurred his vision. The wails ripping his lungs apart, leaving his throat raw and tender. And Tommy hugging him from the back, arms clamped around his shoulders ― crying, begging him to stop.

“Little Sarah is resting now.”

“Let her be, Joel.”

“Stop unburying her, dammit!”

“I’m sorry, truly sorry. God I can’t―”

“She’s at peace now, Joel. No more suffering.”

Tommy’s slurry voice still filled his ears. His little brother had tried his best to comfort him, but at that moment in time, Joel had been too blinded by the gut-wrenching pain, the unbearable loss. He never really thanked Tommy for that. Never thanked you for stopping him from killing himself either.

Being an ass to the people he loved, apparently, was his only strength. Just like he had been with you when you needed him most.

Joel watched you as you struggled to unzip your sleeping bag, the soft material catching on the serrated teeth. You yanked the pull, almost snapping it from the slider, mumbling something to yourself.

He covered your tiny hand with a broad one of his, lightly squeezing your fingers.

“Let me help,” he muttered as you leaned back away from him.

Your subtle physical rejection stung, but he knew he deserved it. His hurt was nothing in comparison to yours.

Letting go of the bag, you faked looking for something in your backpack, avoiding his eyes when they searched for yours. Joel felt that the void between you only grew and grew, like darkness gaining ground to the light outside.

Could he mend your relationship? Your trust? Your love?

With careful hands, Joel managed to release the pinch on the fabric and tested that the zipper worked how it should do. When he glanced up at you, handing over the sleeping bag, Joel caught the rawness in your eyes, the slight dampness clinging to your eyelashes like morning dew on a petal at dawn.

It was now or never. He was hurting from seeing you hurt. Couldn’t take it any longer, he just had to say something, apologise to you. Ask to start the conversation all over again. One more second of this and he would lose his goddamn mind.

“Sweetheart, I―,” he managed to say out loud.

“I’m tired, Joel,” you quickly interrupted him. “Just wanna go to bed now, if you don’t mind.”

Your words were like a sobering, cold shower after a few beers ― stopped him right in his tracks before he could even begin to express what he wanted to say. Slightly shocked, Joel watched you fiddling around with your sleeping bag before you got inside it and turned around, facing away from him.

His slack jaw was soon gritting. But that brief anger quickly shimmered away when reality started to set in.

Perhaps he had misread the whole situation; perhaps you were not waiting on him to talk.

Perhaps you were past that ― past him, his bullshit and his doubts.

Perhaps your relationship was truly beyond salvation.

He paled in the face of such possibility, his hands shaking as they gripped his own sleeping bag.

Joel was up almost all night, eyes transfixed on you as his brain worked out all scenarios.

You faked falling asleep, but rest evaded you for hours until you finally gave in to exhaustion. Didn’t last long though, because a couple of hours later, you were, once again, wide awake.

The whole situation with Joel was overwhelming. You had hoped he would come to the car as soon as you left him behind, but he didn’t. Then that night you waited for him to say something, anything, and yet again, he didn’t. Not a fucking word when you both woke up this morning either, except for your name falling from his lips like a regretted whisper. Then complete radio silence and nothing else.

The silence treatment he had given you today was unbearable. Even if your doubts had lingered, pushing you to postpone the inevitable, deep inside you had hoped his reaction would be different. Shocked, yes, but then he would be… perhaps not happy, but at least a bit more excited? And after the shock had worn off, he would have soothed you, calmed you, told you everything was gonna be alright.

Maybe you had expected too much of Joel, your little delusion blinding you. After all, he had already lost Sarah. So now, in retrospect, this announcement might have unearthed bad memories, but especially regrets.

Was that it? Had you unburied his most primal fear? You had been so focused on what laid ahead, you had not stopped to consider what laid behind ― what this would mean for Joel. You had briefly contemplated he could perhaps see this as a blessing or a curse, but didn’t dwell too long on the thought, preoccupied as you were with other pressing matters.

You felt sick and it had nothing to do with pregnancy.

And then, when he had tried talking to you before going to bed, you had shut him down. But you were so tired, so mentally drained, you didn’t have an ounce of energy left to deal with a conversation like that. Because you truly didn’t know what he would say ― he wore such an impassive expression on his face, it was really difficult to tell.

You turned on the hard, creaky, wooden floor and faced Joel. One of his arms was resting on the wooden planks, extended towards you, as if he was trying to reach for you in his sleep.

You were in an abandoned cabin just outside Oswego. It was bare and completely stripped of furniture, but at least had a roof that would protect you from the cold, wet weather outside. It also had a covered chimney, but being so close to civilisation, it had to stay put out. Sleeping in the bag was not ideal, but it kept you warm.

Taking a deep breath, you then felt some sort of cushion under your neck that had not been there before you fell asleep. By touch, you realised it was one of those inflatable travel neck pillows that you had seen people use in airplanes. Frowning, you gathered Joel must have found one and tucked it under your head in your sleep.

You carefully studied Joel’s handsome, weathered face from the safety of your sleeping bag. Even in his sleep, his eyebrows were bunched together, a deep wrinkle ploughing through his skin almost permanently, giving him a worried look. His aquiline nose was buried in the fabric of his sleepsack, his long eyelashes caressing the top of his cheeks.

He would roll his eyes at you every time you called him “gorgeous” or “handsome”, but he really was. You loved to tell him, to help him see through your eyes. You knew he sometimes needed to hear it, to remind him of his own humanity. It was normal to lose sight of it in the current world you lived in.

And you loved him, the whole of him and his ghosts, even though he was a tactless prick sometimes. You had come to learn that when cornered, Joel could react like a beaten dog ― crouched back and showing teeth, ready to bite at the slightest provocation. Couldn’t blame him, even if you tried.

Feeling restless, you carefully unzipped your sleeping bag, not wanting to wake Joel up, and put your boots on. God knew you both needed some rest. Silently you stood up and stretched your back and arms, then one hand mindlessly stroked your belly. It wasn’t swollen at all, but the idea of a life growing inside you sat snugly in the back of your mind.

“What are we going to do, little one?” you whispered to yourself before grabbing your coat.

Needing some fresh air, you walked outside in the middle of the freezing night. It had been snowing, because there were at least three inches of white fluff blanketing the ground. Which meant the car battery could quickly drain and leave you stranded, so you went to check on the hidden Jeep.

Joel’s body jerked uncontrollably, one leg shaking as if he was falling off a cliff. Instantly waking up, he nervously looked around him, trying to recall where he was.

His hand patted the wooden floor in the dark, and when he located your sleeping bag, his breathing hitched at finding it empty. Then he heard the front door creaking, a sliver of moonlight coming through.

Were you leaving him in the middle of the night? Had he completely broken your trust, your relationship? Had he no chance of mending his mistake? Were you so hurt you would go without a word, without saying goodbye?

God knew he deserved it. He wasn’t cut for a relationship; he always ruined it. Should have known better than falling for you and giving in, but you were so warm, so effortless to love, so natural… How the fuck could he not? He was only human after all.

With a deafening pulse in his eardrums, he kicked the sleeping bag off as he got up with jerky, edgy motions, running towards the door to stop you from leaving him. For you he would fight, he would give you a whole motherfucking speech of why he loved you and how sorry he was. He at least had to try.

Joel swung the door open, and a frosty breeze greeted him, his skin bristled almost painfully at the feeling of frostbite.

You were walking through the snow, wrapped in your coat and with the hood on ― you looked so ethereal, your side profile bathed by the moonlight like a night fairy. Your features glowed under the lunar lustre, and he couldn’t help but fall for you even more.

Barefoot he followed you, his soles numb after a few steps through the snowy mud.

“Babe, wait,” he muttered, one hand reaching for your elbow.

You startled at his touch, and Joel didn’t know if it was rejection or that he had surprised you.

Your big, beautiful eyes widened when you saw him there. You wore a tired expression, and he knew himself the culprit.

“Where are you going?” he questioned in a whisper, heart still and lungs empty.

“I―”

“Please don’t go, don’t leave. I can do better. I’m sorry,” Joel stumbled with his words.

Had never felt this exposed as he was about to split his core in half, to undress emotionally in front of someone, allowing himself to be hurt by the only person it mattered.

But it had to be done to keep you by his side. So he did.

“I panicked. I wasn’t expecting― it didn’t even cross my mind that you… well, could be pregnant. It caught me so off guard, the news didn’t sink in. I’m sorry I reacted like a fucking idiot; I know I’ve disappointed you because of it. It’s just… ‘s hard, you know?” Joel swallowed to dissolve the dense knot forming in his throat, “I already had a shot at fatherhood, and I fucking blew it. I couldn’t protect her despite loving Sarah with all my heart, so the possibility of having to go through all that heartache again… I just, I don’t―”

Joel took in a deep, trembling breath as he unconsciously palmed his broken wristwatch, trying to soothe himself. He attempted to read your expression ― your lips pursed and eyes teary. Was he breaking your heart even further? You were about to cry, and he didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad one.

Anxiety was taking hold of his throat and gut, strangling him.

“Look, I’m not gonna lie to you. I’m fucking scared, so scared I don’t think words do it justice. But I’m also thrilled, baby, I swear I am. I owe it to you, to myself, to this baby of ours… I ain’t going nowhere. Wherever you go, I’ll follow you both,” he husked, almost breathless. “I’m sorry I said what I said. Neither of us have a choice, but even if we did… I wouldn’t change a thing. This baby is happening for a reason and whatever that is, I’m all in, come what may. I love you, I really do, and I hate myself for having hurt you like this. I just suck at expressing my feelings and―”

You placed a gentle hand on his naked forearm, which made him lose track of what he was saying. Your fingers gently squeezed his cold flesh as you took a step closer to him. Your free hand slid across his left hip, dipping under the tee shirt he was wearing, until it reached the small of his back and you pushed him towards your body.

His taut muscles visibly relaxed at your touch and hug, his lungs filling up as he drew in the deepest breath of his life. Wrapping his arms around you, he held you close to his chest, chin resting on the crown of your head.

“Joel, I wasn’t leaving,” you murmured, cheek nuzzling against him, a tentative smile lingering on your mouth.

Joel’s eyebrows knitted together. From his perspective, it was more than obvious that you were actually leaving.

“Oh? I thought―”

“I was just going to check on the car battery since it’s freezing out here,” you interrupted him, glancing up at him.

Joel pursed his lips together, then licked them nervously.

“Well, everything I said still stands. I am truly sorry, sweetheart,” he said, mouth lightly pressed on your forehead.

A deep sigh after, you took a step back, your hand travelling from his forearm to his fingers, intertwining them with yours. Your palm was so warm in comparison to his, he just realised how little clothing he had on.

“For being a man who “sucks” at expressing his feelings, dare I say you’ve just spoken like a professional orator?” you jested, a grin curling the corners of your lips. “And I am sorry for not being straightforward with you. I was afraid of how you would take the news, and, well…” you shrugged, “you can’t blame me, can you?”

Joel shook his head vehemently. He definitely couldn’t ― the proof was there for both of you to see.

“But I understand how frightening this is for you. I can’t even begin to comprehend how you must have felt when… when Sarah left us. I was so blinded by my own insecurities, I didn’t dwell for too long on how this would affect you emotionally. So I apologise and―”

“Don’t. Don’t apologise, please. That’s a pain for me to bear, you shouldn’t have to think about it.”

“But I do, Joel. I want to bear it with you, so you don’t have to do it alone. That’s the whole point of this, of us. After all, we are going to be a family now,” your voice dropped to a low hum.

A pang of nerves traversed his stomach. No, not a pang, more like… butterflies? Joel had not felt that―the purest form of ecstasy―in a long, long time. The idea of being a dad… it always called him, always felt like that was what he was meant to be, nothing else. Sarah had been the center of his world and while no one could ever change that for him, the possibility of having another child to shower with the love he had buried… it was so overwhelming it brought tears to his eyes, his breathing shallow.

“A family,” he repeated, voice raspy with emotion.

You nodded and laughed, teary eyes too.

“A family, Joel. You’re gonna be a dad,” you snickered, now sobbing.

He couldn’t help but join you, draping his arms around you to bring you against his chest.

He didn’t deserve you, your forgiveness. The second chance you were offering him, in all the senses. A second chance with you. A second chance to form a family. A second chance in life, really.

Joel cradled your flushed cheeks, tilting your face up so his mouth hovered over yours.

“I can’t believe my fucking luck, honestly. You, the mother of my child…” he didn’t finish the sentence because he would choke on his own words if so. Took a second to compose himself. “If I’m ever such a dick aga―”

“Are you planning on being a dick often, Joel Miller?” you said playfully with a cocked brow.

He laughed, feeling completely at ease.

“I hope not. But if I ever attempt to be, just kick me in the balls so I may come to my senses quicker, please,” he replied with a lopsided grin.

His thumbs caressed the apples of your cheeks before bowing down to kiss you. A slow, loving stroke of his tongue over yours and he felt everything was right again. Your sweet taste soothed him, his mind finally at ease. How you achieved that for him with the mere brush of your soft lips, he didn’t understand.

You were the one to break the kiss, pecking his lips a few times before finally taking a step back.

“Let’s go back inside, you must be freezing only with those sweatpants and a shirt.”

And with that, all the anxiety, the mental struggle, was forgotten.

Joel took your tiny hand in his broad one and led you back inside the cabin. Dried off his feet quickly before helping you out of your winterwear and settle back in in the sleeping bag ― his sleeping bag. Luckily it was big enough for the both of you.

You hugged each other, trying to get back to sleep, but both of your hearts were fluttering so hard, it was difficult to ignore the excitement.

“I’m so thrilled right now, I don’t think I can go to sleep just yet. I can’t believe this is happening,” you whispered with a beautiful grin.

Joel couldn’t help but notice how you were beaming now, how much worry you had carried the last couple of days because of him. He felt infinitely better now that the joyful spark had returned to your eyes.

Dragging his thumb across your jawline, tracing an invisible line on your soft skin, Joel tilted your face towards him, his heart swollen with love. He hadn’t felt this alive in ages.

“Neither can I,” he admitted in a rasp.

His right hand roamed your body under the sleeping bag until it found the perfect spot to rest: your belly. Joel splayed his fingers over your lower tummy protectively, wanting to shield you both from any harm.

You hovered one of your hands over his, your palm stroking the back of his hand in a light caress. It felt like such an intimate moment, a respite among all madness and darkness, that he knew he would treasure it forever. When days would become hard, he’d only have to think back to this exact moment in time ― both of you cocooned in a sleeping back, warm and loving, calm and happy.

Fuck, was he happy and grateful. It still felt like a dream, but this was real. You were real. Yes, he was fucking scared out of his mind too, but the joy he was feeling right now eclipsed everything else.

With rough lips, he coaxed yours apart, the tip of his tongue tentatively swiping your teeth so you would let him in ― the place where he felt most at home. And you happily complied with a subtle sigh. Your tongues curled around one another, your sultry taste and sweet scent overtaking all his senses.

Joel felt your hand dragging his downwards and only took him one second to catch on. Soon his fingers were buried under your panties, his hand cupping your mound possessively while his middle finger dipped in your slit ever so slightly to faintly stroke your hooded clit.

Just one stroke.

“Joel,” you cooed, and he inhaled your breathless plea.

“I know, baby,” he hummed back, gifting you with another light stroke.

Your thighs trembled around his hand, and you parted them involuntarily, your body telling him everything he needed to know.

So he obliged, his finger slipping from your clit to your crying hole, gathering the wetness on the tip to bring it back up to your sensitive nub. With languid touches, Joel paid precise attention to your bundle of nerves with his thumb, while his index and middle fingers rubbed your dripping furrow incessantly, his fingertips hitching in your entrance from time to time.

You gasped, chest heaving and back arched, when Joel finally dived those two fingers in your slick, warm entrance. He groaned at your responsiveness, your eagerness, always ready for him. He could never have enough of you; of that he was fucking sure.

Joel nipped your neck, his stubble tickling your skin, then lapped at it while the rhythm of his hand increased. He knew you loved it when he curled his fingers, stroking that heavenly spot that would drive you wild with lust.

Then he suddenly stilled and you grinded your wet pussy against his palm, desperate for release, your hips tilting underneath.

“Joel, please,” you begged in a whisper, your walls clenching around his digits.

“Please what, sweetheart?”

“I wanna come, please let me,” you pleaded with half-lidded, glassy eyes, melting under his touch.

“What a good girl, asking for permission,” he grazed your slack jaw with his bare teeth, then soothed the bite with a kiss. “No, not a good girl, a good momma, aren’t ya?” he corrected himself, his erection swelling at the thought. “Not yet, baby.”

He teased you a bit more, dragging the pleasure, letting it build and coil inside you the way he knew you liked it.

“F-fuck… Joel…” you moaned, his fingers still and deep buried inside you, your hole squeezing uncontrollably.

Your pleas worked, because soon enough Joel was fingering you relentlessly, pumping in and out of you fast ― your gushing cunt making obscene, squelching noises under the sleeping bag. Your moans grew louder as the pace between your thighs increased, your back so arched Joel feared you might break it.

“You can come now, baby,” he spoke softly, knowing you were holding back until you got his permission.

Then your walls furiously fluttered around his digits, choking and clamping and clutching. And Joel fucked you with his fingers through your orgasm, his thumb smothering your clit, applying the right amount of pressure. You keened, breathing heavy, as you came down from your climax, eyes shut and mouth agape.

Joel leaned to kiss you, his wet, pruney fingers still embedded in your leaking hole while your hand teasingly caressed his tummy, his muscles straining in anticipation.

“Feeling calmer?” he asked, the tip of his crooked nose nuzzling your ear as his fingers slid out with a pop.

“Mhmm, way calmer now,” you husked, tipping your face to trap his mouth with yours. “Let me help you relax too, gorgeous.”

A deep rumble coursed through his chest as your tiny fist dove and wrapped around his swollen girth, your thumb gently caressing the leaky head under his underwear.

He was ready just by working you, that was the power you held over him and Joel was fully aware of it. And he didn’t care one bit, he loved that you could get him hard just like that. It was lust, but it was love too; a deep, shared connection ― something he’d not felt before with anyone else.

You pumped him slow at first, your teeth scraping the skin over his Adam’s apple, then his jawline, until you hunted down his lips, swallowing his gruffy moans. Your playful hand stroked him faster, your fingers gripping harder, and he was close to losing his mind.

Then you licked his neck and nibbled his earlobe, and Joel had to summon all strength he could muster to not come there and then. You giggled at his intense reaction ― his muscles so tight he could snap at any moment, his breathing heavier and erratic.

Your hand imposed a devilish pace upon his throbbing cock, jerking him off fast and furious now, seeing how far you could take him before he broke. His balls felt tight and heavy, ready to spill his warm load on your hand.

Joel couldn’t stop groaning even if he fucking tried ― it had only been five days since the last time he fucked you, but those were too many days already. He pursed his lips together, eyebrows knitting in concentration to not come yet, while your mouth ghosted his. A few moans ended up slipping out and you breathed them in as you masturbated him with a tight grip.

And whatever cue he gave you, you knew he was close ― his orgasm imminent. Swiftly you dived your head under the sleeping bag and Joel lost sight of you. You freed his erection and a second later he felt your plump lips seal around his mushroom head.

His hands curled into tight fists, your little licks, taps and laps maddening. Then you suckled the swollen tip as if it was your personal pacifier.

“Holy fuck,” he huffed, shutting his eyes, as your wicked tongue commended him to come, your hand working his shaft dextrously.

Joel couldn’t hold it any longer. With a deep moan, he blew his sticky load in your mouth, and you drank eagerly from him. He felt your plush lips pecking his balls, then his column, and finally the tip, showing gratitude to his softening dick. Tucking his cock back into his underwear, you patted his bulge, gently, for a sweet second.

Then you popped your head out of the sleeping bag with a sinful grin, your thumb swiping across the corner of your mouth to gather a drop of his cum and guiding it back inside. Joel cupped your chin to bring your face closer to his.

“Thanks, baby. Always so thoughtful,” he joked before tasting himself on your tongue.

“Anytime,” you snickered.

You settled across his chest, warm bodies and calmer hearts, and a comfortable silence filled the room. Soon after that, you both fell into a peaceful slumber.

You woke up first, Joel’s arms draped around your shoulders in a solid hug, almost suffocating you. The first morning light filtered through the bare window, casting elongated shadows of the trees outside across the floorboards. Morning dew condensed on the windowpane, frozen like tiny, sparkly snowflakes. Some birds chirped, their melody pacifying. The whole scene was so tranquil, you didn’t want this moment to end.

Loafing about, you nuzzled Joel’s sternum, his thorax slowly rising, then coming down. His heart beat steadily too, so calming it almost lull you back to sleep. Something about Joel sleeping so profoundly made you feel at peace. Both of you had a very much needed rest after a tense couple of days.

You stroked the hairy trail down his belly button absentmindedly.

Joel grunted and stirred under you, his curved eyelashes fluttering a few times before his beautiful brown eyes stared at you. A boyish smile curled the corners of his lips before he closed his eyes again, hugging you closer. Joel buried his nose in your hair, then inhaled audibly.

“As much I’d love to stay here forever with you, I think we should get going,” you laughed, palming his chest.

He groaned, pinching the bridge of his aquiline nose. He wasn’t a morning person.

“Alright. I’ll get up just ‘cause you’re asking nicely,” he conceded, one hand reaching out of the sleeping bag to unzip it.

The cold air hit you both and you regretted your decisions, but if you wanted to find Tommy soon, you were not going to achieve that from this cabin, as idyllic as it felt to be here, in your bubble with Joel.

Half an hour later you were both up and fully awake. Joel was packing away the sleeping bags when he suddenly stopped.

“Fuck. You didn’t check on the battery last night, did you?” he asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

You bit down your bottom lip and shook your head no.

“Shit. No, I didn’t. I, well― got distracted,” you replied apologetically, a nervous chuckle slipping.

“You mean I distracted you, right?” the teasing edge to his voice made you smile. “Don’t worry, love, ‘s alright. I’ll go check on it before we go into town.”

Joel brought you in for a hug, his hands lacing on the small of your back. He brushed his lips against yours in a chaste kiss and you wanted to laugh so badly, you sniggered. This man, pretending to be so decent now.

“What’s so funny?” he enquired, a cocked brow, not letting you go of his embrace just yet.

“You being so gentlemanly and proper now with your decorous kissing, as if you didn’t make me come with just your fingers last night. As if I didn’t eat yo―” you jested bluntly, butterflies filling your belly.

Joel growled at your provocation, interrupting you, his hips flush with yours.

“That nasty mouth of yours is gonna be my downfall one of these days,” he muttered. Then he kissed you, his tongue quick and ravishing. “Enough. Stop being so damn tempting.”

He let go of you, taking a step back and turning around. You took the opportunity to smack his ass before he walked off with a smirk on his lips.

You stayed inside, gathering all the bits and stuffing them back in your backpacks. You were going to venture into Oswego today again, stake out the town and the area where Joel thought Tommy and his group would most probably be.

Shuffling through your belongings, you found the pregnancy test you took a few days ago. The digital screen was still displaying the positive result ― one you dreaded, but then embraced.

In the span of forty-eight hours, you thought your relationship with Joel had crumbled down and reduced to nothingness, to then come back stronger like a phoenix rising from its ashes.

The look on his face when he thought you were leaving him still haunted you ― you hoped he would forget that feeling sooner rather than later. His confession had tugged at your heart so much, you had forgiven him after the first sentence. But you had let him keep on talking, because the self-indulgent part of yourself wanted to hear him say all those things. It wasn’t often that Joel Miller would make use of his mouth to verbally express his feelings.

You smiled to yourself, tremendously happy with how the situation had turned out in the end.

Throwing your backpack over your shoulders and Joel’s hanging from one arm, you walked outside with the pregnancy still on your hand, daydreaming ― your grin now permanently sculpted into your features.

Then you heard a voice you quickly recognised.

Tommy’s.

You froze halfway through the three steps on the porch, your gaze scanning the area until you found them.

Joel had a very schooled expression, almost blank, while Tommy frowned, gripping a shotgun close to his chest.

“You’ve been following me?” the younger Miller asked, visibly upset.

“Yes, we have, you dickhead,” Joel replied, his voice restrained. “You just left a―”

“We?” Tommy scoffed, taking a step back. “You’ve not ditched her body yet?”

Joel’s hazel eyes found yours, still glued to the steps. A silent plea for you to go back inside, sensing this would not end well. And you tried ― you took a step back to run back into the cabin, but Tommy was quicker.

Tommy turned around and almost jumped back as if he had seen a ghost. Probably because he thought he had.

You raised your hands up, showing him you were no threat.

“Hey, Tommy,” you greeted him with a feeble smile. “If you keep pointing that gun at me, I’m gonna start thinking it’s personal,” you joked to diffuse the situation.

“Tommy,” Joel’s firm voice made his brother looked at him askance, his pupils fixed right back on you. “Hey.”

Joel’s fingers wrapped around the barrel, pushing it down so it wouldn’t point at you anymore. You could see Tommy’s stiffness from the distance, ready to do whatever it was necessary.

When Joel yanked at the shotgun, Tommy broke eye contact with you to stare at his brother, not letting go of the shotgun.

“How’s she alive?”

“It’s a long story, bu―”

“She’s fucking infected. You’re fucking infected!” he screamed in a panic, stumbling back with his own feet and then directing the gun back at you.

Joel tried to approach him while you stayed as still as possible, your breathing hitching. Would he shoot? You hoped not, but he looked scared enough to do so.

“Tommy, listen to me―” Joel attempted to talk to him again.

“What’s that you’re holding?” Tommy snapped at you, ignoring his brother.

You paled. You had forgotten the pregnancy test was on your hand, lost as you were in your train of thought when you had walked out of the cabin.

No words left your mouth ― your orbs quickly found Joel’s. Both of you, frightened to death. Not for yourselves, but for your baby.

Tommy wouldn’t hurt you, would he? Unconsciously, your free hand dropped to your belly, wanting to protect this new life you were harbouring, growing.

Tommy’s façade fell, his jaw slack.

“You’re PREGNANT?!”

Joel reacted first, standing in the way, the barrel kissing the center of his chest. Then he pushed Tommy back, his composed expression gone. He was angry, you could tell. Really angry. You had only seen him that irate the night those two men almost raped you.

“If you ever point that gun at her again, I swear to fucking God, I’ll kill you myself with my bare hands, Tommy,” he growled.

Tommy blinked rapidly, his resolution coming back as he cocked the gun again.

“You both have lost your fucking minds,” Tommy scoffed, walking backwards towards the woods. “Don’t follow me anymore. Leave me the fuck alone.”

A minute after, the younger brother disappeared between the trees and Joel rushed to your side, his anger transforming into urgency.

“We gotta go.”

His words were impregnated with the same panic you were feeling.

Unbelievable, Tommy thought.

Had his brother gone mad? What the fuck was he thinking? And how were you alive? What kind of sinister magic was that?

He had so many unanswered questions, his head throbbed with an impending headache. Tommy needed the distance and the time to think this through. At first, he had been elated at seeing his brother after so long, but the excitement quickly shifted the moment he saw Joel accompanied by you. And fucking pregnant, by the looks of it.

Shaking his head, Tommy hooted like an owl, letting the people keeping watch know that he was approaching the two houses they all had been living in. The two buildings were on the forest boundary, far enough of other homes but close enough to town.

Bursting in through the doors, Laney met him in the corridor, hands on hips.

“So?”

“They are here. And what’s worst, she’s alive and pregnant,” Tommy almost spit the last word out.

Laney’s scowl deepened.

“Pregnant? Like, with a fucking zombie-like monster growing inside of her?”

The emphasis on that specific word made Tommy frown. He wouldn’t go as far as to say that. Laney could be a little dramatic sometimes.

“Well, I don’t know. No, I don’t think so? I mean, she looked fine, so I guess―” Laney walked past him, interrupting what he was saying. “Where are you going?”

“On patrol. Need to go into town for some supplies.”

“Need a hand?”

“No. Stay here, keep watch.”

And with that, she stepped out and closed the door behind her, leaving Tommy in the middle of the hallway with a nagging doubt picking at the back of his brain.

@yesjazzywazzylove-blog @pedrospurplerain @missladym1981 @fancyyoouu

@smolbeanzzz @guelyury @bishtrouille @harriedandharassed

@thepalaceofmelanie @eternallyvenus @theoraekenslover @vickie5446

[butmakeitgayblog]

Hi yes hello help me I have a new fic idea for this picture

And it's giving me brainrot because I have too many wips and yet... I must write this ficlet. It's very soft. Friends to lovers.

Lexa owns a little holistic shop that always smells like incense and fresh herby plants. Fresh sprigs of flowers and dangley charms everywhere. Not quite "nature child/granola sister" vibes because it has too many sleek and modern details to it, but still very earthy and calming. Clean and fresh. It's tucked away in a sleepy little town along the coast that's just a short walk to a pier, so the fresh scent of the ocean's spray always mingles with all the perfumes of her shop.

Clarke moves there following the death of her father. Not running from anything, but more just trying to find herself in her new found peace. She's faced her own mortality and come out the other end understanding who she wants to be vs who she thought she should be. Exchanging her med school white coat for cable knit sweaters. Sneakers for deck shoes. Reading glasses for wayfarers.

Chaos for calm.

Which of course leads her right into Lexa's shop a few weeks into getting settled, deciding a new skin routine may be in order as well. Maybe a new lotion and a few handdipped candles to line her fancy new bath tub too, if the hand painted sign outside the shop is to be trusted.

Of course all chances at being the chill, solitary new girl in town who lives quietly and keeps to herself kind of fly right out the window when she hears the little ding of the bell overhead and looks up to see brilliant, soft green eyes already crinkled at the edges in a welcoming smile. Seeing all that sun kissed brown hair pulled back in a delicate crown of braids, the waterfall length of untamed curls falling over strong but slender shouders. Hearing that lyrical voice that's not at all chipper like she'd expect from someone peddling holistic wares. Instead it's soft and vibrant, more like too-warm honey that's been left out in the afternoon sun. Feminine but sure of itself as she merely bids a simple, "Hello, can I help you find anything in particular?"

All that chill is also nowhere to be seen when this freaking angel made of droplets of sunshine and chamomile takes it upon herself to squeeze a dollop of the lotion she'd been eyeing into Clarke's palm and start massaging it in with hands that are so fucking soft Clarke forgets how to breathe. Her intense eye contact as she gently explains the ingredients and why they're so good doesn't help either. Not that Clarke could be PAID to recite any of it, not having taken in a single damn syllable.

She could easily tell you the exact slope of the woman's eyelashes though. Could probably draw the freckle on her upper lip from memory too.

Of course Clarke would leave 2 bags and the shopowner's business card heavier, $70 lighter, and with absolutely no qualms about trading in at least part of her medical knowledge for giving this holistic stuff a try.

And that's it! That's all! Just a pretty girl who is maybe slightly nuts but beautiful and sweet who runs a little holistic beauty shop.

Nothing life altering or anything for Clarke, obviously.

Clarke being new and so in her head about everything and all the changes? It's just A Lot already on her plate. She doesn't have the space for anything else.

But... then there's just Lexa. So unassuming and mild and calming in her presence. Undemanding of Clarke's attention despite always seeming to have it. That slow fall into each other over too prolonged eye contact and friendly waves as Lexa glances at her through the arching windows of her shop, Clarke seeing those plump lips tug up into a grin that mouths an amused but unheard "Hi" as Clarke walks past for the third time that day.

Total coincidence.

But the friendship blooms just like the little plants and sprigs around Lexa's shop. Taking shape and growing as the season changes.

Passing glances and friendly waves turning to chance meetings and slipping away to sit on the bench at the end of the pier, splitting batches of seasoned fries and garlic aioli that Clarke has no idea where Lexa manages to put considering all her halter tops and sundresses that, whew, just leave not much to the imagination.

Walking through a local garden/woodsy path and talking aimlessly for hours as she watches Lexa collect little wildflowers and clovers along the way, stowing them in a satchel she keeps in her long flowy pants, only to drop by the shop the next afternoon and find that the tiny wood nymph-turned shopkeeper has braided her treasures from their outing into her hair that day.

Walks along the rocky beachside and lunches sat huddled together in the park. Lexa sharing how she got into her business and Clarke relaying her past in the medical world just to falter, only to breathe a sigh of relief at Lexa's lazy grin, "Don't worry, Dr. Griffin. I still believe in the power of penicillin."

Lexa showing Clarke where she makes her wares while standing far too close than what's necessary as she lets Clarke peruse everything. Always catching Clarke's gaze in her excitement at Lexa's creations, holding them with that soul-quieting smile of hers.

Clarke noticing how Lexa's scent changes slightly with the seasons because of course Lexa only works with fresh product. Noting how as the months get colder, she goes from airy, delicate lilac scents to heavier sage and sandlewood notes. Fresh pine, peppermint, and holly. Noticing how cute little painted toes trade in their freer sandles for more sensible uggs and the occasional snow boot, seeing how dresses and spaghetti straps get exchanged for cardigans and knitted sweaters big enough to juuust effortlessly slip off her shoulder...

(Still no bra)

(Not that she's... keeping track...)

Lexa is just so unexpected and so... not at all anything Clarke would've ever thought she'd be attracted to. Beyond just her stunning face that is, obviously. It's her personality. She's not someone Clarke can easily "put in a box". She's not quite a hippie, she's not exactly new agey, she's certainly not weak, but she's not overbearing. She's maybe a liiiittle bit nuts, but also so fuckin smart and not cocky about it at all. But absolutely is cocky about the silliest things, like being good at Scrabble and knowing how to fold a fitted sheet. (Again, liiiittle bit nuts.) She's kind, but not a pushover. Soft in ways Clarke can't even begin to fathom or calm her heart over, but so deceptively strong, both in body and spirit.

And she's quiet. Quiet and reserved in her perfectly Lexa way. Yet, when she does open up, there's so much there. So many layers to her, and every time Clarke thinks she's gotten to the bottom of the question mark that is "Lexa", there's a whole new labyrinth to uncover.

The connection between them expands and blooms and becomes something entirely its own. And it kind of just gradually dawns on her that Clarke has somehow managed to find her best friend in the entire world... and has promptly fallen in love with her.

Now.

If I wrote this obviously very short ficlet (😤), would anyone read it?

[sansaorgana]

— SOMEPLACE BETTER (II)

PART ONE

PAIRING — Sauron x fem!human!Reader

SUMMARY — Sauron reunites with Halbrand's wife in Númenor where she keeps interfering with his plans and schemes nearly all the time.

AUTHOR’S NOTE — So, obviously, the Reader did not die in the last part and here we are with the part two! 💕 She can't be too easy to get rid of! 🤣 Sauron is a bit ooc here (and surely will be at the end of this fic), so be warned! 🤧

WORD COUNT — 3,630

ENGLISH IS MY SECOND LANGUAGE.

SOMEPLACE BETTER (II)

Sauron certainly considered (Y/N), the wife of Halbrand to be dead now and he did not really bother himself with thinking much of her. Especially now, with Lady Galadriel by his side as if the Valar themselves put her there for him to make sure his plan would work.

When he entered the palace in Númenor barefoot, in ragged clothes and with the Elf by his side, of course they drew attention. Everyone turned around with the beautiful Queen Regent amongst them – he recognised her immediately because there was only one woman inside that room dressed so splendidly and he had overheard the guards earlier mentioning some Queen Regent being present. That stunning woman just had to be her.

But it was not the Queen Regent that made his eyes widen and his heart skip a beat. It was a simple woman standing next to her – (Y/N).

She looked different now. Her hair was brushed and clean as ever and she was wearing a brand new dress, which was simple but probably the fanciest thing she had ever worn either way. It was dark green and her cheeks were painted slightly with a rogue.

Sauron had to admit that in this certain light and when she was not wearing rags, she looked quite… pretty.

“Halbrand, ye bastard! Thought I'd lost ye again!” She exclaimed, making wide eyes and now everyone looked at her as Sauron gritted his teeth.

That woman seemed to be indestructible and she would ruin all of his schemes.

“Your Highness, this here's my husband I've spoken of – the one I lost at sea!” (Y/N) looked at the Queen Regent and the Queen nodded at her with a soft smile.

After that gesture, Halbrand's wife ran up to him but not without giving Galadriel a dirty look on the way.

“I turn me back for but a moment, an' ye've gone an' found yerself a fine Elven lady. Truly, ye're unbelievable!” (Y/N) exclaimed and pushed his chest slightly but not without a loving smile. Then, she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly.

Sauron was defeated. He just had to hug her back because what kind of husband would he be if he pushed her away in a moment like that? 

“I thought I'd lost you, love…” he muttered to her and she took a step back to take a better look at his scratched cheeks and dry lips as she cupped his face gently.

“Me an' a few others, we were the lucky ones. A ship from here found us an' took us in,” (Y/N) explained. “Folks here are so kind, Hal. They looked after us, even gave me new clothes. An' Her Highness herself wanted words with me, to know more about me! Me – simple, foolish (Y/N)!” She shook her head as she seemed to be in awe with everything around her. “Ye were right. A good life awaits us here,” she added and caressed his chest.

“You're neither simple nor foolish to me,” Sauron whispered, reassuringly. He was trying to show softness in his eyes despite his frustration and anger.

And yet, some part of him, buried deep inside, was somehow glad to see the young woman again; safe and alive.

Galadriel kept watching them curiously with the corner of her eye.

“Have you greeted your husband now, (Y/N)?” The Queen Regent asked and (Y/N) turned around to face her as she nodded, nervously. The Queen Regent was not mean or rude but a simple woman like Halbrand's wife was extremely intimidated by her presence anyway.

“Aye, Your Highness,” (Y/N) answered.

“He might want to enlighten us then what an Elf is doing by his side,” Queen Regent laid her scolding eyes on Sauron.

“I'd like to know about that as well, Your Highness,” (Y/N) shot another dirty glance at Galadriel.

“Circumstances arose that–” Sauron started, trying to pose as a simple man who pretended to speak in a more fancy manner to impress the nobles.

“We are companions by chance. Met on the open sea,” Galadriel interrupted him. “Your captain here, delivered us from certain death. All we ask is that Númenor continue his mercy and grant us ship's passage to Middle-earth.”

“Oi!” (Y/N) shouted at her, visibly upset with Galadriel's words. “I ain't leavin' here! Speak for yerself, Elf. Me an' my husband, we'll stay right here!” She protested and Sauron only watched with a hint of a smirk but he wanted very much to burst into laughter. It was truly priceless to see Galadriel's face being taken aback by Halbrand's wife and her way of being. “I've settled matters with the good Queen already!” (Y/N) added. “She's promised me a place to live,” she looked at her husband to let him know, too.

“That sounds generous and reasonable,” he nodded and Galadriel shot him a deadly glance.

Sauron and (Y/N) were taken to their new place by the guards – a poor house located in the city centre near the taverns and the harbour. Sauron could immediately see that the house had belonged to simple commoners before but the standards were still more than enough for (Y/N). She was in awe as she looked around and her eyes sparkled at the sight.

“This place is truly a paradise,” she told him with a grin.

“And how are we meant to pay for it, huh?” Sauron leaned on the wall with his arms crossed, tan muscles flexing under his brand new tunic that had been given to him back in the palace.

“The good Queen's promised it'll be free of charge for half a year,” (Y/N) informed him. “I'm sure ye can find work by then, Hal. In a city like this, they must have need of plenty of smiths!” She approached him cheerfully and threw her hands around his neck before leaning in to peck his lips. “Are ye not happy, love?” She asked.

Sauron couldn't stop thinking of Lady Galadriel, though. Would she try to find him now and convince him to come back to Middle-earth as the King of The Southlands? He certainly hoped so.

And he hoped that Halbrand's wife would not ruin his plans either. Therefore, he had to be nice to her now, so she would lie for him later when he'd ask her to.

“I am,” he nodded and fixed a reckless hair strand on her head. “I'll ask around for work. And what about you?”

At his words, (Y/N) looked down nervously and Sauron raised an eyebrow at her.

“I fear I won't be of much use here, love,” she admitted, truly ashamed, which he could see in her glistening eyes when she glanced up. “I don't reckon they've need for a simple woman like me 'round here. But I'll try, I promise, Hal. I'll do me best to find work. I won't leave ye to it alone,” she cupped his face and sniffed her tears back.

“It's alright, love, we'll manage. Don't you worry,” Sauron assured her and kissed the palm of her hand as she cracked a smile at him.

They stood in silence like that for a short moment, which was quite lovely until (Y/N) decided to break the blissful peacefulness again because she simply could not be silent for too long.

“An' what's the business with that she-Elf, then?” She asked and Sauron sighed.

“She's nobody. Just a random woman who showed up and burdened me with her presence,” Sauron answered and (Y/N) seemed to be very pleased with that answer, although it was quite funny to watch because he had just described her.

It was the very first night they were left alone, without anyone being around in the same tent or the same deck. Their own little house in a beautiful realm across the sea. (Y/N) laid on Sauron's chest with a smile and played with the hair on his chest as she brushed it with her fingers and twisted the curls gently.

“Hal,” she looked up and he glanced down at her, lazily. “My love, can ye promise me ye'll stay away from the taverns? Or at least be reasonable with it? This is meant to be a new life for us. A fresh start, ye said yerself. When the good Queen asked me about ye, I only spoke well of ye. I wanted ye to begin here with no bad reputation, an' please, let's keep it that way,” she pleaded.

“I promise,” Sauron whispered and brushed her cheek with his fingertip. It was so easy to give false promises. Nearly too easy. 

And she wanted to believe him, desperately.

(Y/N) lifted herself up and leaned in to place a kiss upon his lips – a lingering one that was slowly growing more needy and passionate. Sauron panicked deep inside. He was certainly not signing up for this.

Halbrand's wife could sense his sudden nervousness and she moved away, feeling embarrassed.

“What is it, Hal? It's been weeks since we've been close, an' ye're always so eager. Do ye not desire me anymore?” She looked away. “Is it because of that Elf? Has she bewitched ye?”

“Don't be foolish,” Sauron rolled his eyes but it only made her huff and he realised he just had to make love to her on that night.

Not that desires of the flesh were foreign to him but it had been centuries when he had a proper body for the last time. He was still not fully used to his new form and she was… Far from his usual type.

Although in the dim light of a candle that danced upon the wall of their new home, with her skin and hair clean as ever and a pretty new nightgown in a cream colour, he surely felt some attraction to Halbrand's wife and he could even understand the man for marrying her despite her big mouth and other annoying qualities.

Her devotion to him was undoubted, though.

“Come 'ere,” Sauron pulled her closer and rolled her on her back as he hovered above her and her frown turned into a giggle. 

Something about her laughter at that moment was truly heartwarming. It was innocent, nearly childish, as if she suddenly had no worries and nothing but love for her husband filled her whole body. Sauron froze for a while and just stared at her face as his heart squeezed deep inside his chest. What was that odd feeling he was starting to develop?

He did not want it… He did not…

“I am so glad you are here with me, love; that the tides did not take you away from me,” he confessed, trying to convince himself it was only Halbrand trying to woo his wife, nothing else – nothing more.

“Nothin' could ever keep me from ye, Hal,” she batted her eyelashes at him before he joined their lips together.

Sauron was leaning on the wall inside the jail cell he was kept inside and when he heard the steps approaching him, he could sense (Y/N) rushing to him as he smirked to himself.

“What happened?!” She ran up to the bars and wrapped her hands around the iron. “Hal…!” She sighed at the sight of his freshly bruised face when he turned around. “Ye promised me... an' here I am, after bein' told me husband's in prison for startin' a pub fight!”

“I was trying to find work but learned that you need to earn a guild crest to forge steel here, so I figured I'd find friends instead,” Sauron stood up and shrugged his arms as he approached the bars, too. “And it wasn't a pub fight, it was a street fight.”

(Y/N) shook her head as she chuckled lovingly although her eyes remained scolding.

“Ye'll never change, love,” she said. “How fares the friend hunting?” She asked teasingly and Sauron rolled his eyes.

“How fares the work hunting?” Sauron asked, playfully, expecting her to admit her own failure but she surprised him instead.

“I got meself a job, Hal, actually. Nothin' grand, but it's enough for me,” she cracked a smile.

“What is it?”

“I'm gonna help the ladies sellin' their goods at the market by the harbour. It's close to home an' all that. They couldn't give me a proper stand, since I can't read nor write, but I'll help. An' one of the ladies was kind enough to offer to teach me the letters!” (Y/N) shared the news, excitedly.

“I'm proud of you, love,” Sauron leaned in and wrapped his hands around hers. She gave him a big, loving smile.

“Ye're gonna get that guild crest, Hal. I believe in ye,” she assured him.

“I already did but they took it back,” he rolled his eyes and she sighed.

“Ye stole it?” The muscles of her jaw clenched. “It was supposed to be a fresh start! Ye can't be walkin' around doin' that! What's next? Ye gonna ask me to help ye steal again? Expect me to lie to cover yer mischief? I'm done with that, Halbrand!” Her eyes welled with tears as she took a step back from the bars and shook her head.

Sauron was taken aback by her words. He had no idea of this sort of history between Halbrand and his wife. She was even more hurt by him than he had been expecting and their marriage was even more complicated. 

The worst thing was, though, that she would not be so eager to play along to his lie that he was planning to feed Lady Galadriel with. It was interfering with his plans and as his anger grew, he wished (Y/N) to die once more.

But then she laid her wet eyes upon him again as she sniffled and his heart softened despite his own will.

“I know how much you want this whole thing to work out. I want that, too. I didn't want to disappoint you by coming back home and telling you I didn't get anything,” Sauron confessed.

“Ye disappointed me by endin' up here,” Halbrand's wife insisted.

And while he was thinking of another reply, they were interrupted by Lady Galadriel walking inside the prison as well. Sauron couldn't help a satisfied smirk forming on his face. She took his bait.

“Halbrand,” she addressed him as she stood next to his wife but keeping her distance from the both of them.

She looked ethereal in her long golden hair and that pretty blue dress as she radiated nothing but pure light. It made Halbrand's wife visibly uneasy to stand next to her as she fixed her hair in a nervous manner and glanced at the Elf with pure jealousy in her eyes.

“What're ye doin' here?” She nearly barked at Galadriel and Sauron chuckled.

“Your husband does not belong on this island,” Lady Galadriel decided to ignore the woman's behaviour as she gently informed.

“An' who are ye to say where my husband belongs or not? I'm his wife, I've known him a lifetime. You've known him two days,” (Y/N) furrowed her brows.

“Then you surely do realise that Halbrand here is more than he claims,” Galadriel lifted her chin up and (Y/N) looked at her as if the Elf was crazy. “I found this in the Hall of Lore,” Galadriel handed her a scroll of paper.

(Y/N) took it but her hand trembled slightly as she did so and Sauron knew why – she was ashamed to admit she could not read in case it was some document.

But it was not. It was a drawing of the same heraldry as Sauron was wearing on his pendant stolen from Diarmid. He kept glancing at it and watching (Y/N)'s face carefully. He hadn't told her yet about his plan because he hadn't expected Galadriel to work so fast. Would Halbrand's wife play along, though?

Surely, a woman so simple and low would want to be the Queen of The Southlands, would she not?

“What's this?” She asked. “Why're ye showin' it to me?” She handed the scroll back to Galadriel and the confused Elf pointed at Sauron's pendant.

“Is it not the same heraldry your husband is wearing?” Galadriel inquired. “Many ages ago, a man bearing that mark united the scattered tribes of The Southlands under one banner. The very banner that might unite them again today against the evil that now seeks to claim their lands,” she tilted her head with a smile and Sauron's heart skipped a beat because it was all working out so perfect but… Halbrand's wife did not seem to be convinced. “Your husband's lands,” Galadriel added.

“My husband's lands, ye say, Elf?” (Y/N) burst out in laughter. “Please, ye've no idea what ye're speakin' of. That man comes from nothin' an' has nothin'. The only bit of land we had was from me ol' man, an' that's gone now, taken by the Orcs. Even that pendant he's wearin' isn't his. It was Diarmid's.”

“Diarmid's?” Galadriel furrowed her brows as Sauron gritted his teeth.

“An old man from a village nearby. We travelled with him an' became friends. My husband's always had a taste for shiny, pretty things, so I reckon he took it off the body of that poor man from that shipwreck,” (Y/N) gave Sauron a scolding look and he looked away because his eyes were growing dark out of anger and frustration.

If any of the women looked at his eyes now, they would realise he is no mortal man and surely not a good spirit.

“Even if that heraldry is not his…” Galadriel sighed, defeated. However, Sauron could hear desperation in her voice.

Such a sweet obsession to make sure her own scheme would work out – he knew that feeling. And he was glad because it meant that she would help him still despite the odds.

“Even if that heraldry is not his,” she repeated, “how many people do know the truth? I might know him for two days, (Y/N), but I can see him for who he is and he is way more than a ragged commoner. He risked his own life to save mine–”

“Ye did?!” (Y/N) gasped as she laid her eyes on her husband but Sauron looked up to avoid her gaze.

“The Southlands need to be united against evil,” Galadriel insisted.

“Ye wish to deceive folk an' set a crown on a commoner's head, all to fight the Orcs?” (Y/N) was surprised to hear such words. “An' they say the Elves are so noble…”

“Not just the Orcs,” Galadriel answered harshly, slowly losing patience with Halbrand's wife. “There is an evil much darker and much worse hiding in the shadows.”

“Like what, then?” (Y/N) asked with an innocence that nearly made Sauron laugh.

“Sauron,” Lady Galadriel spoke his name and he felt a shiver going down his spine. With a corner of his eye, he observed his wife but she did not seem to be startled or even moved.

“Haven't heard of that lad, who's he?” She asked and Sauron clenched his jaw to force the laughter to stay in the back of his throat.

“The Dark Lord!” Galadriel's eyes widened. “Morgoth's loyal follower. Have you heard of Morgoth?”

“Aye, I have,” (Y/N) admitted with a shrug, “but 'twas a long time ago, wasn't it?”

“Such great evil is beyond mortality,” Galadriel tried to explain. “I have reasons to believe that Sauron is not truly dead.”

“And why should I care about that?” (Y/N) was confused. “I don't even know him, an' it's not like he's ever hurt me or me family.”

“He hurt many others!” Galadriel protested.

“A long time ago,” (Y/N) rolled her eyes.

“I am no longer wondering why people of The Southlands followed Morgoth. You are such ignorant and vile creatures!” Galadriel spat out. Her sudden anger and cruel words made (Y/N) take a slight step back as she looked down, feeling humiliated.

Sauron felt the sudden urge to defend her like she had unwillingly defended him only a moment ago.

“Not very noble of you, Elf, to say such things,” he pointed out. “You should know better than anyone that it is not on us how we perceive those things. Your kin rewarded a few tribes with your gifts and punished others. Their descendants are still paying the price for the sins of the past. We are not used to worrying about the Dark Lords or the shadows when we simply have nothing to put onto our plates.”

Galadriel blushed slightly at his words and she looked at (Y/N) with remorse but Halbrand's wife kept her glistening eyes on him only, grateful for defending her. 

“Come with me to Middle-earth,” Galadriel started to convince once more, “and together we will redeem both our bloodlines.”

“How?” Sauron asked her. “You're stuck on this island and you're still short an army.”

“That is all about to change,” Galadriel convinced him and then smiled at him before turning her head around to smile at Halbrand's wife, too.

And then she walked away to leave them alone again but Sauron could feel the switch of the atmosphere.

“Ye can't be serious, Hal,” (Y/N) whispered. “We were supposed to start a new life here, start a family. I don't want to go back to Middle-earth. I don't want to pretend to be someone I'm not. If that's the path ye choose, I cannot follow ye…” Her lower lip trembled as she gathered her skirts and hurried out of the prison with tears pricking her eyes.

Sauron wrapped his hands around the iron bars of his cell as he wanted to call out after her as Halbrand probably would but then he realised… It would only be for the better if she decided to stay here and finally leave him alone to his schemes.

MASTERLIST

[aheathen-conceivably]

Antoine was used to being awake this late out on the road; but here, in the comfort of their creaky bed, he had thought he would be able to sleep with ease. Zelda certainly was. Not even his incessant tossing and turning had roused her from her slumber. She seemed to have slept so little while he was gone that now she was drifting on another plane entirely. But even long after she was snoring softly, he could still hear her voice in his mind. Are you happy when you’re out there?

He knew why she had asked. She had seen his unadulterated joy when he returned home, but not even an hour had passed before he told her they were going back on the road in a few weeks time. He had said it quickly, hesitant to go even a moment too long without telling her the truth. But he knew then that she had seen it too: the happiness that now lived alongside his hesitation that he couldn’t fully explain.

Are you happy when you’re out there? She had asked with so much love and selfless concern that he didn’t know how to answer, even if he had one to give. Because it was more than just the joy she had seen when he got home, or even the newfound satisfaction he felt in his success. It was beyond the frustration and longing that Jo had sensed on the road, or even the release he felt every time he performed. 

He slowly raised himself up and off the bed, so as not to wake the sleeping woman beside him. She turned as the mattress slanted in his direction, but her eyes never opened. Are you happy when you’re out there? He wanted to answer. Truly he did. But he simply didn’t know how. Not to her or anyone other than the guitar that seemed to call to him from across the house.

There it was, carefully leaning against the couch where he had left it before he had taken Zelda upstairs. It pained him to see it this way, out in the open yet hiding in the darkness. For weeks he had ensured that it was carefully stowed in its battered case, safe against the raging wind of the road and the weariness of their constant movements. It was hard to remember that he didn’t have to worry about it now. The thick walls of the farmhouse shielded it from the cold desert night, its rest on the worn rug uninterrupted unless he himself chose to reach for it. Then its only journey would be from its resting place to his lap, or maybe, to the porch beyond. Nothing but slow, familiar movements and faces. No bars, no rest stops. No nights of darkness locked alone in its case. Just the warm embrace of home. He reached for it and laid it across his lap. Are you happy out there?

As he moved his hand across the strings, it repeated the question back to him. Are you happy out there? Only it already knew the answer, because it saw and felt not only everything he did, but so much locked inside its hollow body that he could never explain to Zelda. No matter how much he tried, she would always see everything from her wide, innocent eyes. The eyes he loved, but would always wander through a world so different than his. But yet, the guitar knew. Without effort or loneliness, it knew.

It was like it wanted to be seen, the same way he always had behind that piano screen on a crowded night. It needed him to give its silence meaning, and he had. Night after night he had played not only for himself, but for them.

How could he explain to Zelda what he felt nearly every time he touched the strings? It was hazy at first, but now it came to him in vibrant colors and vivid emotions. Sometimes it was a man surrounded by familiar orange hills; and although two generations separated him from the man who had given him the guitar, they shared their round eyes and hooked nose, and even their calloused hands. Only his eyes were so much more weary than the ones he had given his grandson, because the mesa around him was a shaky sanctuary and not quite yet a home.

When he held the guitar it was always out in the open, guarded by a horse and the boundless wilderness. He played with no illusion that his talent would ever be anything more, just an outlet for his existence without the heavy weight of dreams. But because of that, his music was free from all expectation. It was filled with longing and release, a pure jewel in the sun when so much else seemed pitted against him. It was a world unto himself, a cosmos he poured his soul into so that it sang out from the deepest recesses of the wood on quiet nights.

Other times the man was younger, a link between the man who played out in the open desert and the one Antoine knew as his friend. He too shared their eyes and their nose, but something was different inside of him. A fire birthed from watching his own father play, one that burned inside of him so brightly it blinded him to everything else, even his own son.

He would have walked directly into the flames for the music that came from the guitar, and often it seemed as though he did. He swore every day that it would be the day, and it would all be worth it. He would pass that love onto his son just the way his own father did for him, and he would make it big for all of them. He would be heard. He would be seen. He believed it so truly that every time he played he poured his soul into the guitar like drops of blood, irrevocably staining the wood with passion and desperation that refused to go unrewarded.

Sometimes, when Antoine allowed his mind to take him into the shadowiest corners of his heart, the man even looked like him. Or at least what he imagined his own father must have looked like holding a guitar. His mother had told him his musical skills had come from somewhere, hadn’t she? From the streets of Brooklyn at the turn of the century, from a man whose only existence came from the stories she told and the sadness she carried.

A man who’s smile and who’s charm radiated through the music, so much so that he and it were one and the same, much like two people in the early throes of infatuation. The notes he chose were full of enchantment and physicality, all the better to make a crowd dance or someone fall in love. A faceless man who had given him nothing but the color of his skin and a talent he had to imagine he inherited from him. A man he would have called his father, but whose existence now only called out to him from the faintest combination of guitar strings on a lit stage, surrounded by a cheering crowd and faceless strangers.

In sudden, brief flashes as he played: men who looked like him, like Abe. Men who were an amalgamation of all their fathers and grandfathers. Men who didn’t even allow themselves to dream of anything more, or men who had tried and had failed, pushed down again and again and again. Fathers who had never gotten to see their children play, or children who’s memories of them were scarred with violence or abandonment. 

Scores of faceless men who’s stories he didn’t know. Men who had played on back porches or behind screens, rarely if ever exalted for their talent. Only now he had a chance. Are you happy when you’re out there?

It didn’t even seem to matter when he had the guitar in his hands. Not when he was doing this not only for his own family, but for them. For the men who had never been seen or heard. For himself and every time he had hidden behind a piano screen shielded from the glaring blue eyes of white men. 

Are you happy when you’re out there? 

She had asked him simply as a woman speaking to the man sitting in front of her. Her husband. But he couldn’t answer simply as that man anymore, because he didn’t know how he felt. He couldn’t separate it from the notes that came from the guitar or the lyrics crowding his mind. He couldn’t answer for himself without answering for Violette and Jo too. For his mother and his father, wherever he was or whoever he may have been. For all the men who had poured their souls into the wood so that it vibrated under his fingertips like it was alive.

Are you happy? He couldn’t answer her because he didn’t know; but he knew that when he shook Hosa’s hand at that last stop he had felt something even more powerful than the soft embrace of happiness: pride.