#because they both know you make him better despite the sorrow of being gone??

[emmavakarian-theirin]

love and ashes is so fucking good i can only listen to it once a month because of the way it puts my whole chest in a chokehold it's unreal

[solaris-amethyst]

💫Did I even deserve you?💫

✨Pairing: Vampire!Seonghwa x dead!gn!reader ✨Prompt: Vampire Seonghwa is still miserable many decades after losing his soulmate. ✨Word Count: 3.4k ✨Genre: angst, vampire au, soulmate au 🌙Warnings: talks of death, reader is mentioned but not alive in this story, no use of y/n, mentions of Seonghwa not feeding for a long period of time, lost of a loved one, mentions of how he wishes he wasn't on this earth anymore, grief, ghosts, let me know if I missed any warnings! ☀️️Authors note: Got this idea into my head and wanted to explore writing angst in this setting. It is very different from what I usually write and I have worked hard on this one and I am quite pleased with the outcome.

The moon was high up in the sky, illuminating the forest in a light wash of grey. Highlighting the fog that is developing the forest and the castle making it look eerie and abandoned. Cobwebs dancing around windows and moss climbing up the bricks together with the roses that are climbing parts of the castle.

Both beautiful and dangerous.

It was said that sometimes you could see ghosts walking past the windows. Some even claimed to have seen a ghost in the rose garden. Walking around and calling out for their beloved but no response.

Young children were warned not to go there. It was dangerous and better to stay away from a place that would most likely fall in a few decades. The road to the castle was brittled with rocks, thick trees and bushes.

It was not a pleasant road.

Despite that there was a lone figure hiking their way up to the castle, dressed in a black robe. The figure was walking very slowly as if every step towards the castle was painful, making him hurt deeply. Despite that, he continued on with heavy footsteps to the one place he called home.

The owl up in the tree hooted familiarly once he was spotted and the howls of wolves could be heard throughout the forest. None of this bothered the man, for he knew that no one would dare to try and hurt him. A man of the night, a bloodthirsty bloodsucker as the humans once had called people like him.

Now he and his family were nothing more than a mere legend.

A myth.

Something humans wrote stories about without believing they actually existed. Sometimes the man wishes he no longer existed in this world.

It would be easier than walking around the world knowing your fated one was no longer walking this earth.

Unfortunately he was doomed to walk this cruel earth until the end of time as it was now.

The closer he got to his home the more dread and sorrow filled his entire being. He used to be filled with such happiness coming back here but now that was all gone.

The grand doors to the castle opened welcoming, sensing one of its masters returning home. The candles lighting up as he entered the hallway and walked down towards the place where he knew his brothers were residing.

They were expecting him after all. Like they do every year around this time when he gets back from his three month search around the world for anyone who could help him bring back his fated one to life.

And like every year he came back unsuccessful.

It was as if the world was taunting him. Taunting him for not being careful enough. For not appreciating what he had and for being arrogant thinking he could best fate and death because of who he was.

Seonghwa

Your voice.

He stopped what he was doing. Only the wind was blowing in from an opened window. The figure looked around carefully, not making much movements, for us mortals it would have looked like he was completely still.

He shook his head gently. It must have been the wind. It cannot have been your voice he heard.

You are no longer here he told himself as he continued his walk towards the room his brothers were in. He could not have heard your voice whisper his name in the wind. You were dead, no longer walking this earth and it felt like his heart was breaking into thousands of pieces every single day when he remembers that.

He remembers your smile, your laughter, your kindness. Everything that he once took for granted he now misses with such intensity that he does not know what to do with himself. It is like the joy he once had is now gone, sucked out of his body leaving behind a cold empty shell.

He starts walking again. He knows his brothers have heard him arrive and he knows that they are waiting for him. The closer he gets the more he can hear them. Shuffling around in the living room, living their normal lives.

Not stricken by grief.

The doors open once again welcoming, just like the front doors to one of its masters returning home and the noise dies down as he steps inside looking around at his family. They are all there. The first ones he notices are the two brunettes sitting together on the sofa. Yunho, Yeosang. Then he sees the them, San, Wooyoung. The latter holding a large book, open on some random page that they seemed to have been discussing before he arrived. He searched for the youngest of his brothers who he found standing next to the tall blond man near the table. Jongho. Mingi. He counted them in his head, he looked around, searching for the leader of his coven. He found him, standing near the big window gazing out into the garden. Hongjoong.

A part of him felt a little better after doing the count. For some reason he had worried they would not all be here when he came back despite the fact that they were always there. No doubt. They would always be here to welcome him home after his long journey.

The blond at the window turned around and when their eyes met he gave him a smile.

"Welcome home Seonghwa. We have missed you." He said taking a few short steps forward to greet him. Taking him into an embrace which he returned.

"I am glad to be back." Seonghwa replied even if it was only half the truth. He was glad to be back seeing his brothers but in reality he was not overly pleased being back without a solution to his suffering.

"How was your journey around the world? Did you find what you were searching for?" Hongjoong questioned even though Seonghwa suspected he already knew the answer to that just like the rest in the room listening in on their conversation.

"Unfortunately I have yet to find someone or something that could help me bring back my loved one." He told him, his shoulders slumping forward. He tried to put on a neutral face but Hongjoong was smart, he could see through his facade quicker than anyone else in their coven. His eyes had shown a glimt of understanding as he nodded carefully.

"You look awful, have you been feeding at all when you have journeyed???" Wooyoungs voice pierced through the air, clearly targeted at him and he could only shrug his shoulders opting not to look at the younger vampire.

"I do not feel hungry anymore Wooyoung." Was the only thing he could give as a response and if he had not already been dead the look Wooyoung sent him would have put him 5 feet under the ground as they spoke.

"You have to feed Seonghwa. It is not healthily to avoid feeding for as long as you have! Lat time I saw you feed was three months ago before you left!" Wooyoung stalked towards him "Are you telling me you have not feed in three months??"

They stared at each other for a long while. He knew all of them already knew the answer. It was the same every year and like every year before this year Wooyoung always grew furious when he figured that he had been neglecting his own health.

Again.

He could feel the energy around him tense up. The others were clearly not happy at all with this and yet despite that Seonghwa could not get himself to care about it. Had it been the other way around he would have been furious, furious at his brothers for ignoring their health and not eating but since it was him and not them he found himself often not caring. He would rather wallow in his grief, allowing the ugly feelings tormenting him to come to the surface in various ways.

"How is my beloved? Are they still safe in their casket?" He asked, voice cracking at the word beloved.

The very thought of you not being there or the possibility of something happening to you whilst he was gone was terrifying to him and he had to fight hard to stop the tears wanting to well up in his eyes.

Wooyoungs furious eyes soften instantly when he had asked the question and the other looked at him with sympathy. Yunho nodded confirming that you were still safe, still protected in the garden he had grown just for you.

"They are safe Seonghwa. We have made sure nothing could harm them whilst you were away." San said, giving him that kind smile only San could give someone when they needed it the most. Seonghwa felt like he could see the stars in his brothers eyes at that moment and it never failed to amaze him how much love and adoration could be seen in Sans eyes and how it was always something very real. It never faded or changed no matter how many decades had passed and right now he was thankful for it.

For the love and compassion his brothers were showing him.

"Why do you not sit down? Tell us about your journey? What has changed in the world since last time you went outside?" Hongjoong questioned whilst leading him over to the big chair, gently guiding him to eventually sit down in it. A blanket was placed over him, Mingi moving with utmost care to wrap it around him to keep him warm. He almost let words of protests out until he saw the worry in his eyes.

"Your beloved would not want you neglecting yourself like this." Was all he said with a low rumble before standing up and walking over to Jongho.

That stung.

His heart ached at the comment Mingi had said. Everyone had heard it. It was impossible for them not to hear him. They just pretended like nothing had been said but he knew they were silently agreeing with him. Agreeing with the statement that you, his beloved, who no longer walked this earth, would not want him to neglect himself and his health.

He wants to respond. To deny what Mingi has said. He has rationalized in his head that you would be okay with what he is doing so he can bring you back and the two of you can live together again like you did before.

The rest of his coven sits down all looking at him with curious eyes. Waiting for him to start telling them about his journey.

"It is all the same. Nothing has really changed in the outside world. We are still myths and legends. The only thing that has changed amongst humans is their greed. I would say they have become even greedier and distrusting than before."

"Humans have always been greedy and distrusting Seonghwa." Hongjoong cut him off before sending an apologetic look when he glared at his coven leader.

"I would say they are even more so now than before. I searched through every country on this bloody earth and I found no one. No one who could help me bring my beloved back. The sights I saw when wandering should have taken my breath away but all it did was make me angry. Furious that they were not next to me witnessing it all. At one point on a cliff looking out at the ocean I screamed. I cursed everything living and dead that day. I was so angry and I still am." Seonghwa spoke, his hands fiddling with the blanket as his eyes darken in anger.

His brothers look at each other in worry. They had hoped after many decade that Seonghwas fury and anger would dwindle down but it only seemed to grow with each year. Wooyoung looked at his older brother and friend in sorrow, he had been close to you, Seonghwas beloved, when you were still living and breathing. He understood the pain and anger Seonghwa was feeling but he also knew that you would not wish this upon anyone. Once having confided in him that you would want them to move forward to be happy, not to forget but to eventually come to cherish what had been rather than constantly living in the past thinking of what you could have done together if only things had gone differently.

"And I-" Seonghwa started but stopped once he heard it again.

Seonghwa.

He looked around. He swore he had heard your voice again. This time it could not have been the wind for no window was open.

"Hwa? What is wrong?" Yunhos voice brought him back from his thoughts as he turned to look at him.

"Y-you did not hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"Nothing." He shakes his head "It was nothing."

"Perhaps you should go and rest?" Yeosang chimed in and the others agreed, nodding their heads.

Seonghwa looked at them before glancing around again, he was sure he heard you but now since none other than him seems to have heard you he wonders if some rest would actually help him.

So he nods and he can see the other's shoulders drop down in relaxation as if they had been expecting him to put up a fight and argue with them about resting.

"Perhaps I should... but I would like to go see them first." He feels stupid, like a child asking for permission to do something when he is the oldest in the coven. He could do whatever he wanted and if that was to go out into the rose garden and visit you then he could without permission.

He stands up before anyone can answer what he has said, he lays the blanket back on the chair before he strides towards another sets of doors which will lead him back to a corridor and down a few flight of stairs before he can enter the garden.

The doors open immediately for him and he makes a point of quietly thanking the castle for opening its doors for him. He remembers the first time he had gone out on his three month journey. When he had come back inconsolable wanting to leave that room to go see you the castle had refused. Refused to open its doors and windows for its master to go wherever he pleased.

Not until he had calmed down and only the silent tears were staining his cheeks had he been allowed out. It was after his brothers had held him close, allowing him to grieve in safety and then being given a cup of blood to drink by Wooyoung to help stabilize himself.

After that the castle had always listened to him. And now he was walking with a sense of purpose, he had to see you again. It always pains him to be away from you for three months when he spends almost every single day around you. Tending to the roses or cleaning the glass casket you lay inside whilst talking quietly to you about his days or how much he misses you.

As he walks out of the door and into the garden he stops in his tracks when he sees something or rather someone walking ahead of him.

You.

He cannot stop himself before he rushes forward and just as he is to grab your hand you vanish.

"No... No no no no no!" He mumbles to himself, now sprinting towards the rose garden, you cannot be gone.

You cannot.

Seonghwa almost trips over the steps leading up to where you lay and he stops at the casket breathing heavily gripping it tightly as he takes you in.

You are still there. Untouched. Just like the way you had been when he had left three months ago.

"My beloved." He whispers and just like that the tears are welling up again in his eyes.

Seonghwa. My love.

Seonghwa gasps as he hears your voice again turning around since he can hear your voice from behind him. He had not expected to actually see you. You are pale, standing there and he notes as he falls down on his knees in shock that you are slightly transparent.

"My beloved. My love." He says while the first tear fall down his pale cheek. His voice is growing thick with emotion and when you look at him with those sad eyes he cannot help himself from crawling up to you trying to take ahold of your hand in his only to realize he is unable to.

"No. Please no. Please." He whimpers looking up at you as the waterworks starts afresh.

You have to let me go.

"No! No no no no please I cannot do that. Please I am sorry I cannot live in a world without you. Please do not leave me." He pleads over and over again trying to take ahold of you but he keeps going through you. His eyes looks almost wild as he tries everything to be able to hold you.

You can see how his heart breaks over and over at not being able to hold you and you know you cannot be visible for much longer.

I love you.

When Seonghwa notices that you are disappearing from his view is when he goes into hysterics. He wails for you to come back to him, he screams in fear, anger and grief and it echos loudly throughout the entire forest. He roars in anger, smashing a statue before breaking down again near the casket. Sobbing over and over again that he is sorry, that he wishes you would come back to him. He asks for death to take him once and for all so he can reunite with you.

He grips his head as he cries, wails and screams in fury and sadness. It is like an explosion he cannot control. Seonghwa is unsure of how much time has passed but he finds that he does not care. All he cares about is that he saw you and he could not hold you one last time like he wished he could. He contemplates for a moment to destroy your casket just so he could hold you in his arms again but he physically cannot make that move.

He cannot destroy your last sleeping place. That would be like spitting on your entire existence if he did, so he finds himself hurting himself and the statues and rose bushes around himself in a fit of anger.

Up in the castle seven figures are looking out of the window from the room they still were in. Hearing Seonghwas wails of agony and grief pained them. It was as if someone was driving a spear into their non-beating heart over and over again.

"I wish I could take away all his pain and suffering. All this grief." Jongho mumbles before leaning close to Hongjoong, hiding his face in the crook of his leaders neck as said man brings an arm around him to bring comfort.

"I never want to find my soulmate... It will only bring even more anguish to him. He will constantly be reminded of his own soulmate who he no longer has. I do not want to make him go through that." San says, tears building up in his eyes.

"You cannot stop it from happening San. Do not deprive yourself of the happiness of finding your soulmate because Seonghwa lost his. That is not something he would want. He would want you to be happy. You know that San." Yunho said whilst giving the younger a sad smile, tears also in his eyes as Seonghwa continues to scream and wail out apologies, curse words and asking for you to come back to him.

"Grief... What is not grief if not love persevering. It is proof of how much he has loved and cherished his beloved. He was just too blind in the moment that he thought he could best death and now all these years later after death won he cannot handle it. Because he has yet to fully accept that they are gone. He has yet to accept that they are gone. It might take years until he gets over the stages of anger, denial, depression and guilt. We will be there to help him through it all. I was thinking of going with him next year so he will not be alone on his journey." Hongjoong says eyes sharply focused on the figure down below.

Eyes slightly widening when he sees something or someone behind his brother before it disappears. He could have sworn it looked like you but he must have been wrong. It was probably the tears in his eyes clouding his vision.

It could not have been you.

You were dead.

Gone.

Forever.

[oshinohoshi]

Oshi no Ko Chapter 162 thoughts

Putting aside my issues with the story and characterization, I like this chapter. It makes me feel things which is a strong suit of Oshi no Ko.

Sorrow, horror, and sweetness... it has a little of everything.

As an avid Ai stan, the parts with Ai hit me right where it hurts

Ai's smile below is everything. She loved those kids so much

I'm reminded of the bottom right art. Ai never did get to see their red backpacks but at least the little Hoshino family made happy memories together

Aqua looking after his sister is so sweet. It would hit harder if we had more of the twins interacting past vol 1 but it's still nice

I'm not sure how I feel about Aqua deciding he was reincarnated to protect Ruby. I can't quite put my finger on what's bothering me. Perhaps it's that he's once again making his life's worth revolve around someone else

Or that this disregards one of my favorite lines in the manga: "[God] brought two people who never had a mother in a real sense and a mother who gave birth to soulless children together"

There is a crucial element missing to Aqua's apparent life's purpose and her name is Ai

@aihoshiino's post explains this better than I ever could (thanks @insertusername99 for pointing this out to me)

LMAO I just read Claire's thoughts on the chapter after typing this and she brought this up too. Bc it's so true!

The art is so good. Mengo is amazing

HIKARU

He gets his own damn section because he's just so... AUGH

I'm baffled as to how killing Ruby would bring him closer to Ai

How does "the weight of his sin" help him manifest Ai's presence? Maybe his guilt over his involvement in Ai's death brings her into sharp relief through suffering and embracing his dark side amplifies that? I'm grasping at straws here

I still think his reaction to the DVD was genuine but if so, it feels like he should have had a change of heart

After learning Ai wanted to love him, why would he turn around and try to off their daughter?

Of course his logic is twisted, but it should work with what we know about him!

If you have thoughts, please share

Anyway, I want to compare Aqua's memory of Ai (left) to Hikaru's vision of her (right)

She looks ethereal in both. A fragile being. Ai looks over her shoulder smiling gently in Aqua's mind. She might turn away at any second but she's not gone yet. However, she has her back to Hikaru, beyond his grasp

In both panels Ai is not dressed as an idol. Those who love her remember her as she was when she wasn't on stage (or uhh that's what I want to say but I don't know what to make of Hikaru's view of her anymore)

Moving on...

Shadow Gorou. Until now he's been a manifestation of Aqua's guilt and self-hatred yet now he's dragging Hikaru to the bottom of the sea. Sure, I guess?

I'm probably wildly off the mark here, but it almost shows how harmful Aqua's attempt to kill Hikaru is. Shadow Gorou is scary

And despite Aqua's white stars, he looks horrified and in pain choking his dad. It doesn't look like a triumphant finishing blow

Given the giant moon behind Crow Girl, I guess we should stop calling her that as it seems that Tsukuyomi is not a stage name. But she'll always be Crow Girl to me

Next chapter (3 week break!!): Miyako is not having any of this dying to save Ruby bullshit. She will roll up on a motorcycle and pluck Aqua out of the sea using Ichigo's fishing pole. I have been predicting the fishing pole being a major player in the Hikaru/Aqua conflict for dozens of chapters and I know I cannot be wrong.

[lizlovell]

You're losing me

part 1

part 2

''Stop staring at her,it's creepy''

Pansy rolled her eyes at the blonde.

''It's not creepy,she is my girlfriend'', Draco replied, suprisingly for the first time since class started, ignoring everything else his friends were saying.

Pansy snorted,''Well apparently not''.

''Yeah man,why don't you just go talk to her instead of sending death-glares to everyone sitting next to her''

The words were simply ignored. Draco couldn't help it. He hated seeing her living like her life doesn't revolve around him anymore.

During the exam months before they take a break, all Draco thought about was to get away from you and all the tension built in your relationships. Being too busy under the exam pressure made him think your problems were nothing. He could see how your built up your guards up and how the dry conversations were cut short. He were annoyed that you kept on being strong for both of you although you were hurt. He didn't know how to handle,he couldn't find any word to make the situation better.So he ran away. But now that the exam pressure is gone, he found himself in the worse agnoy. He have to fix this.

...............................

''Y/N wait!''

''Y/N there are flowers for you in front of the common room..again''

''Miss Y/L/N, stop running in the hallway and bumping into everyone!The school is not a playground for Tag''

''Y/N I'm sorry i can't come to the library with you today''

It is an understatement to say the following weeks were funny and eventful for everyone at Hogwarts.They got some free shows to enjoy. It was a strange sight for them at first to see Malfoy trying to chase his former girlfriend. But then they got used to seeing you running in the hallway with Draco trying to catch up, flowers for you in the classes and in front of ur dorm, your friends getting paid to leave you alone, and everyone is just so invested to know what is going to be Draco's next move and how you are going to slip through it,again,some betting it won't last three weeks.

Despite you using all of your effort not to lose the bet and keep ur dignity, there you are again,back up against the walls and embraced in someone's warmth.

The familiar mixed scent of green apple and pine hovers and a wave of nostalgia washed over you with the familiar chest-ache.

There you are again– after nights and nights of crying your eyes out till they were dry– you find yourself pinned under the Draco fucking Malfoy against the cold stone wall of Hogswart .

''Y/N'', he voice cracked out of his throat betraying the tough act he is trying to put on. He just couldn't take it anymore. He can't stand the void that left him with dark circles under his eyes and he refused to believe you are doing well without him.

''Come back to me,love. I know you missed me too''

His eyes do not match the arrogance the words are carrying. You hate yourself for it but that longing gaze filled with sorrow and a tight grip on your waist was all it took to break down the self control you have tried so hard to build around you. He see right through you.

''Didn't you want this Draco, wasn't this what you wanted? away from me'',

''I was scared Y/N, i was so scared that i doubted us. So i ran away like a coward because i didn't know any better..i'm sorry'', he mean every apology he is saying.

''But now i'm scared to live without you, i don't want to be away from you,never again, please love, come back to me''

Your knees are weak and your vision is blurry. You taste something sour, is that a tear, are you crying again? ''Merlin,i'm so damn tired to crying'', you thought.

Soft lips pressed down on yours. You felt your stomach dropped. The taste of fire whiskey and your tears linger on your lips. A few sobs chocked out of you, feelings like you are finally woken up from a nightmare. All these touch and warmth,merlin knows how much you yearned for these. A sharp pain drew some blood from ur lips as if he is letting out all the frustration and finally finding comfort in it. The familiar feeling of belonging and love filled up the void.

''shouldn't have let you go my love''

Students of Hogwarts are going to be happy that they won't have to worry about falling victims to the certain couple's stunts and tantrums .

.....................................

I'm sorry this is rushed and bad but here's the ending >~<

[thegracefulknight]

Ciel/Lizzy Playlist

Long post ahead

Okay, so I tried made a list of songs which I think would be perfect for them. ♫ These songs are based from both of their POVs, though it may lean more towards Lizzy's.

Each song is arranged according to how O!Ciel and Lizzy's dynamics progressed through the manga. I also included parts of the song lyrics that highlight their relationship well, or those that resonate with important parts in their story. The first few songs are kinda meh but the last ones are sure to hurt like crazy! xD This playlist has 26 songs btw, so prepare your tissues and cry with me!

Hope you guys give it a listen! ♡

Song List:

1. Sad Song (We The Kings ft. Elena Coats)

—A light, almost fairy-tale like opening highlighting Lizzy and her dreams with R!Ciel. Together with O!Ciel, they are three children living in their happy, idyllic childhood.

"You're the perfect melody, the only harmony I wanna hear / You're my favorite part of me/ With you standing next to me /I've got nothing to fear"

2. When You're Gone (Avril Lavigne)

— Lizzy's sorrow after the murder of the Phantomhives. She remembers the boy she had sacrificed a lot of things for, the boy who was supposed to be her fairytale ending.

"When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you / When you're gone, the face I came to know is missing too/ And when you're gone /The words I need to hear to always get me through the day /And make it okay /I miss you"

3. Safe and Sound (Taylor Swift ft. Joy Williams & Paul White)

— "Ciel" returns after one month; however, he has now changed. For the sake of the broken boy who returned to her, Lizzy makes another sacrifice, vowing to be a wife that could protect him, and keep him safe.

"Just close your eyes, the sun is going down / You'll be alright / No one can hurt you now / Come morning light / You and I'll be safe and sound"

4. Your Guardian Angel (The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus)

— Despite not wanting to get closer to her initially, O!Ciel finds himself caring for his brother's betrothed. He has protected her time and again, and vows to always protect her at all costs.

"Seasons are changing, and waves are crashing / And stars are falling all for us / Days grow longer and nights grow shorter / I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall) / I'll stand up with you forever / I'll be there for you through it all (through it all) / Even if saving you sends me to heaven"

5. THE CONTORTIONIST (Melanie Martinez)

— A song where Lizzy contemplates on how she keeps up the facade of being cute for her fiancé because of a comment made a long time ago. This song highlights the moment where she decides she is done pretending to be weak and cute.

"Twisted all my limbs for you / Two of them in knots and two of them in loops / Ribbons tied around like a noose / Wonder if I'll ever get it loose / I don't wanna bruise for you /Holding back my words until my face is blue (Huh) /I don't really care 'bout your crew / You can tell 'em what you wanted to

... I'm done, I'm done /Done doing backbends, I break and I snap / It's no fun, no fun / Pushed myself into a box while you held out a gun /I'm done! Wah ha ha ha ha ha hah! / I'm done, I'm done! Wah ha ha ha ha ha hah!"

6. Queen (Loren Gray)

— The theme for the monumental scene where she drops the act and reveals her strength in the midst of the bizarre dolls. For love, the throws away her beauty. Which only leaves the boy beside her struck with awe at this new side of her.

"You can call me a princess all you like / 'Cause you like to keep me helpless by your side / But it ain't what I want, I'ma show you, I'ma show you / How to treat me like a queen /Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

/ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah / Boy, you better bow down on your knees / Can I get a "Yes, your majesty?"

7. You'll Be Safe Here (Rico Blanco)

— After Lizzy's unexpected revelation, the earl accepts her true self and begins to admire her more.

"Close your eyes, dry your tears / 'Cause when nothing seems clear / You'll be safe here from the sheer weight / Of your doubts and fears / Weary heart, you'll be safe here

... "And though the world would never understand / This unlikely union and why it still stands / Someday, we will be set free / Pray and believe"

8. So Close (Jon McLaughlin)

— The victory party after the second Sapphire Miracle has been memorable, not only for students, but also for the guests. Just for this one night, O!Ciel lets himself enjoy the night by dancing.. with her.

"A life goes by, romantic dreams must die / So I bid mine goodbye and never knew / So close was waiting, waiting here with you / And now forever I know / All that I want is to hold you so close

So close to reaching that famous happy ending / Almost believing this one's not pretend / Now you're beside me, and look how far we've come / So far we are so close"

9. You and I (Tatu)

— A song about the earl and the lady as a reflection of their circumstances, and their wish to protect. And wanting to believe.

"Just a side / To an anguished street, criticized/ For what we believe / If we hide, maybe we can make it through this / Is it fair, to be burned away? / Is it fair, that we live this way? /Victimized, for a life we didn't ask for

No truths to confirm / No lies to deny / Too hopeless to care /We're too scared to cry"

10. Smoke (PVRIS)

— Lizzy thinks she and her beloved have gotten closer, but have they? Somewhere in her mind, there is a small fuse waiting to be lit.

"You're just a ghost of blissful feelings / A cloud of smoke that I keep breathing / An illusion, I'm losing you to the games in my mind. / I see your face, an apparition / But now it's changed / Shape shifting / Don't wanna open my eyes."

11. Set Fire to the Rain (Adele)

— Just as Lizzy thought things will start changing for the better between them, small things that went unnoticeable at first are now telling her that something.. still feels not right.

"But there's a side to you / That I never knew, never knew /All the things you'd say / They were never true, never true / And the games you'd play / You would always win, always win"

12. Aoki Tsuki Michite (Book of Circus ED Theme, covered by AmaLee)

— A song where O!Ciel looks back on the choices he made, as he strengthens his resolve to go down the path he chose.

"Praise your palette of lies / For it's a masterpiece that you have created / All of your promises, bleeding in flawless harmony

Sing another spell, paint another dream / We could bring to life a new reality / All of my mistakes, gathering like storm clouds / Will soon rain down on me"

13. I Know You (Skylar Grey)

— Trying to ignore her doubts, Lizzy still continues to yearn to understand her fiancé who has changed and remained distant ever since that month. In her deepest wishes, she pleads to be allowed inside his heart.

"I believe, I believe there's love in you / Gridlocked on the dusty avenues / Inside your heart, just afraid to go / I am more, I am more than innocent / But just take a chance and let me in / And I'll show you ways that you don't know

Don't complicate it, don't let the past dictate, Yeah / I have been patient, but slowly I'm losing faith

So please, I know you, baby / I know you, baby / So please, I know you, baby / I know you, baby"

14. Demons (Imagine Dragons; covered by Sam Tsui & Kurt Hugo Schneider)

— Despite Lizzy's efforts, the earl remains distant. He has embraced the darkness and his impending end, and the only thing he believes he can do is to keep her at a distance, for more reasons than one.

"They say it's what you make, I say it's up to fate / It's woven in my soul / I need to let you go

Your eyes, they shine so bright / I wanna save that light / I can't escape this now / Unless you show me how"

15. Leave the Memories Alone (Fuel)

— A song from the earl's POV, as he reminisces the past and how he wishes to keep Lizzy in the light.

"I wanted you.. to stay by the windowsill with the blooming roses."

"So I find me in your garden now / A sad smile for the scene / And all the flowers that we planted now / Taken by the weeds / But in my minds eye, you know they still bloom for me / They stand tall there, in that summer breeze

Leave the memories alone, I don't want to see / The way it is, as to how it used to be / Leave the memories alone, don't change a thing / And I'll just hold you here in my memory"

16. What Was I Made For? (Billie Eilish)

— Lizzy reflects on her duties as the future wife of the Queen's Watchdog, and her sadness at not being able to help or understand the earl. The growing distance between them makes her feel desperate for answers.

"I used to float, now I just fall down / I used to know, but I'm not sure now / What I was made for / What was I made for? / Takin' a drive, I was an ideal / Looked so alive, turns out, I'm not real / Just something you paid for / What was I made for?

'Cause I, I / I don't know how to feel, but I wanna try / I don't know how to feel, but someday I might / Someday I might"

17. Empty (PVRIS)

— Desperate to find a way to understand O!Ciel, Lizzy starts going to the Sphere Music Hall. However, what she finds there changes her forever.

"You see I want the world to believe, that there's a light inside of me / But it's time that I'll come clean / I'm not what I seem, no / Some would say I'm possessed, yeah / But I'll confess, I've just been obsessed / With life and death and emptiness, I guess / Can't you see all of the change in me?"

18. My Immortal (Evanescence)

— Lizzy remembers all the sacrifices she made for Ciel. She gave her heart for her betrothed, but now that she realizes her love has been given to two different people, where does her love for one end, and where does it begin for the other? Who does she really love? Somehow, she already knows the answer, and it is causing her anguish over her supposed love. *This song could be interpreted to be directed to both the twins, as Lizzy thought all this time that she was loving one person only.

"You used to captivate me by your resonating light / Now I'm bound by the life you left behind / Your face, it haunts my once pleasant dreams / Your voice, it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal / This pain is just too real / There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears / When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears / And I held your hand through all of these years / But you still have all of me"

19. Stay With Me (Danity Kane)

— Lizzy is in disbelief after discovering that the Ciel she has been with for the past three years was not her true betrothed. She tries so hard to hold on to the image of O!Ciel, the boy who accepted her, and the fiance she has come to love with all her heart. However, the ugly, undeniable truth is right in front of her.

"I've searched my heart over so many many times / No you and I, is like no stars to light the sky at night / Our picture hangs up to remind me of the days / You promised me we'd always be / And never go away / That's why I need you to stay

Stay with me, don't let me go / Cause I can't be without you /Just stay with me and hold me close / Because I've built my world around you / And I don't wanna know what it's like without you / So stay with me, just stay with me, stay.."

20. Because of You (Kelly Clarkson)

— Looking back to the times she tried to keep up her cheerful facade and balancing it with her strong side in front of the boy she loved— O!Ciel, Lizzy finally shatters under the grief and heartache of learning his lie.

"I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh/ Every day of my life/ My heart can't possibly break / When it wasn't even whole to start with.."

"...Because of you, I try my hardest just to forget everything / Because of you, I don't know how to let anyone else in / Because of you

I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty / Because of you / I am afraid"

21. Stand In The Rain (Superchick)

— She's mad, she's confused, she doesn't know what to do. She wants to return to the days where she doesn't know anything, and be by his side. But her duty is to remain here. Heartbroken, mad at herself and filled with guilt, she compensates by staying by R!Ciel's side.

"She won’t make a sound / Alone in this fight with herself / And the fears whispering if she stands she’ll fall down

She wants to be found / The only way out is through everything / She’s running from, wants to give up and lie down

So stand in the rain, stand your ground / Stand up when it’s all crashing down / You stand through the pain, you won’t drown / And one day what’s lost can be found / You stand in the rain"

22. Beautiful Girl (Broken Iris)

— O!Ciel's lies, mistakes and choices have finally come to haunt him. He realizes this as soon as his eyes met his twin brother's. And most of all, he finally discovers the reason why Lizzy left.

"Last embrace, forcing you away before it's too late / I end this day in a most bitter way / A regretful state but...

I'll never forget those eyes, that beautiful smile. I still remember the way you said "good-bye" / No matter how hard I try I can't forget about /

Beautiful Girl, on top of the world / Don't fall down, because an angel / Should never touch ground.."

23. Never Be The Same (Red)

— The sudden appearance of R!Ciel turns his world upside down. Remaining silent with a darkened expression on his face, a disheartened, regretful earl reminisces his memories with Lizzy

"I can see, I can still find /You're the only voice my heart can recognize /But I can't hear you now, yeah. /I'll never be the same / I'm caught inside the memories, the promises /Are yesterdays and I belong to you. / I just can't walk away, 'cause after loving you / I can never be the same."

24. Broken Inside (Broken Iris)

— Fighting despair, the earl descends further deep into the darkness. He is determined to take back everything, no matter what it takes.

"The thinning line between you and my sanity / Is quickly fading / Takes just a breeze to cause a storm /Takes just a breath to cause a scream / It takes me to cause a tragedy.."

"Until the end of me, I swear / You'll be the death of me / I dare you to cross the line again / Because deep down inside /There's something that waits to be / Broken Inside"

25. The Scientist (Coldplay)

— O!Ciel should have known that this is coming. He knew he lied, and was willing to take this to his grave. But he didn't expect to feel like this when it did happen. If only things have been different..

"Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions / Oh let's go back to the start / Running in circles; coming up tails / Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy / It's such a shame for us to part / Nobody said it was easy / No one ever said it would be this hard / Oh take me back to the start"

26. Descent Within (Broken Iris)

— Outro; the perfect ending for a story doomed to end in tragedy

[fandom-hoarder]

911 8x06

Last week, before I could watch the new 911 ep, some people on my dash spoiled me with untagged spoilers and I literally started crying. Because the way people were talking about it made it sound like there was biphobia from Tommy and a cheating storyline, and that supposition sparked my election depression--- was this an alternate ending based on election results? (a WILD assumption, i kept telling myself; nevertheless, the doomerism persisted); a sign of queer suppression in media in the coming regime? biphobia in general, which is so enraging as a bi person?

And, to be clear, these thoughts and worries are not Hen/Karen erasure. They're literally my favs. But it IS about the way bisexuality is often treated, both in media and irl, as if you have to choose one way to be. As if bisexuality is some sort of schrodinger's sexuality.

It turns out my extreme anxiety over it wasn't completely warranted, at least from my pov as a writer. But it took me a few more days to actually level out and watch it clear headed.

So before the new one airs, here's my copy/paste from my dm a few days ago to @supernaturalkickparty 😅

I gave in and started the 911 ep. I'm CACKLING at the end of the urn Omg. *Abby* I... ok i can see a straight line to breakup from this, but I'll have to see how it plays out Omg the next case is about divorce Josh is really cute in this ep Josh's speech has me verklempt Istg they just better not erase buck's bisexuality Omgodddddd we are NOT sending another little kid down lmfao this is gonna make me cry Goddd 😭😭💜💜 God. This is gonna hurt. God. Whyyyyyyy. God whyyyy does it have to be THIS "Believe me, I didn't see it coming either." GODDDDDDD I'm just so fucking glad it wasn't a breakup over cheating Eddie lmfao I'm so glad the mustache is gone😂😂 Lmfao omfg eddie opens the door to buck and he's in his underwear???? This is the fucking start of a fic. No wonder the buddies are being insufferable God please don't let buck's rebound be a girl. Just please. Please. Don't make it be all girls now :(((((

Anyway, I can see a decent resolution to this, and I'm hopeful it will go as well as I usually think of this show's storytelling---which is to say I think 911 does a pretty good job of weaving meaningful character arcs that tie in a bow by the end.

And even though I am still marginally worried about whether buck's bisexuality will be fulfillingly handled, I don't necessarily think this breakup is bad. Buck's thing is breakups as character growth; and while I did think that we were moving past that in his coming of age arc growing into maturity, and as much as I love bucktommy, I didn't really expect Tommy to be his last or for a breakup to be completely off the table. I expected one eventually, and not for buddie reasons.

I don't even really ship buddie in canon, or see an inevitable queer storyline for eddie (though i do love buddietommy, but y'all already know i always think there should be an ot3); I just figured there would be typical buck drama, and hey... I settled down and figured this is that.

And also... like, yes it's frustrating that Tommy broke it off because of the whole "i'm the only guy you've ever been with," but like...that expectation that Buck will end up breaking his heart isn't really bad writing. I wish there'd been more LEADUP to it (I still hope we'll get some actual tommy pov on this to sympathize with him and see where that came from, as they have tended to do in the past with character backstory), but the fear that as someone's first you won't be ENOUGH eventually is very real.

I was my partner's first, but he wasn't mine, so even when we got engaged I was like, "are you really ok with this?" And he said yes of course and i took him at his word, but it didn't immediately erase the feeling that I was taking experiences away from him lol. So I can really see where Tommy is coming from, despite my sorrow and anxiety about the remaining unknowns. But I do hope there's more to this.

[authorautumnbanks]

How To Tame A Sorcerer (63)

Series Master list

Mahito swears. He has heard from Geto about the so-called trump card that all ten shadow users have, but hearing and seeing it is another matter. The shikigami is out of control. It does not differentiate between him, the sorcerers, or the demons. Instead, it rampages and attacks those that stand in its way.

Blood runs down his forehead. If he were a weaker curse or, hell forbid, a human, then he would be dead.

The sky above is dark, filled with smoke from the fires. If the few remaining humans do not die from one of the many curses or demons running amok, then surely the smoke will do them in. Not that any of that matters with this giant shikigami in the way.

"Fuck, this thing is huge," he mutters, barely dodging another attack. Mahoraga stands as tall as the transfigured demon Mahito was using as a transportation device. There is a wheel above his head, taunting Mahito with every click. Looks like none of them will be able to defeat this thing. Who summons a shikigami they cannot defeat and control?

Idiot sorcerers.

Desperation makes humans do such stupid things. Like summoning this thing. Was that boy's plan to take them all out?

Death is not something Mahito wants to experience just yet. Not until he puts that woman in the ground and sees the look of anguish on Yuji's face once more. From the corner of his eye, he notices the dark-haired sorcerer trying to move the girl. If Mahito was in a better position, he might congratulate her on surviving the poison.

Plus, he still wants to get his hands on her soul to see what happens when someone has been brought back to life.

"By the way," he drawls, commanding the teen's attention, "Gojo Satoru is gone." He smiles, radiating joy from being able to just say those words. How many people get to say that? The strongest sorcerer of the modern world is gone.

He's so damn giddy, he wants to shout out it from a rooftop.

A flash of disbelief followed by despair mars the boy's face and it is absolutely exquisite. The sorrow. The grief. Mahito's eyes roll back in ecstasy. He can taste the negative emotions in the air. Mahoraga lets out a roar that shakes the ground.

Ugh. Fine. He will figure out how to deal with this shikigami first and then take his time tormenting the sorcerers afterwards. It will be all worth it in the end to watch that sorcerer's mind break as he taunts him about how no one is going to save him. Not with Gojo Satoru out of the picture. And that woman will be delt with soon enough. Her powers may be dangerous, but her body is still weak, like that of a normal human.

Getting rid of her will be easy. There is no one left to protect her. She is surrounded by weaklings.

Mahoraga advances on him. "I'm not the one that summoned you," he quips, as he leaps in the air. If he could just get that wheel, then maybe he will have a chance. Mahoraga backhands him and sends him flying. The debris and glass cut into his skin and his eyes. Mahito lies there, on the ground. He thinks he must have been knocked through at least three buildings. At least it feels that way.

The pain is so great; he feels high. An enlightenment. He sits up and plucks the shards out of his eyes. A manic smile splits across his patched face. Surely, Sukuna can't be too mad if the boy takes himself out. It is not as though Mahito attacked the sorcerer. No, he focused his attention on the female. No one told the suicidal sorcerer to summon a shikigami he cannot control.

He sighs as he dusts the debris off his clothes. Who is he kidding? Sukuna is not one that can be reasoned with. This he knows from experience. If that is the case, then he may as well kill both sorcerers now. At least if he must go against Sukuna, it will be because of something he actually did this time.

The demons he brought along with him are no more. A waste. It took a lot for him to work his transfiguration on them. Way more effort than with humans. Despite what he said earlier, demon souls are much harder to deal with. He's only gotten his hands on half-demons and some with a pinch of demon blood in their veins.

Encountering a full demon is not something Mahito wants to encounter anytime soon.

"Vermin," a voice says to his left. A wave of pure, demonic energy washes over the area. Even Mahoraga gives pause. The two sorcerers are knocked out. It looks as though the dark-haired one took the attack for the girl. "Where is the Six-eyes?" The demon grips his sword. From here, Mahito can feel the pure malice radiating off that sword like a tsunami. This newcomer is dangerous.

"Surely, you aren't talking to me." Mahito points to himself. Whoever this newcomer is, let the rampaging Mahoraga deal with him. "When the vermin is you." A green whip shoots out and blood gushes from his hand. Mahito screams, dropping to his knees. His hand is not regenerating. "What the hell did you do?"

No. No. No. This is not happening right now. Not when the fun is just starting. Not when he has so much left to do.

"That's my prey, demon lord," Sukuna says mockingly, landing next to the two knocked out sorcerers. Sukuna stares Mahito down and then turns his attention to Mahoraga.

Shit.

The king of curses and a demon lord? Fear grabs hold of Mahito and shakes him down for everything he has. This is the power of a full-fledged demon? His hand is still nonexistent. Blood continues to pour, and his regeneration is not working. The skin burns. He tries to change the shape of his body, but nothing works. The area burns like none other. It is not a sensation he wants to experience ever again.

"Shut up," the white-haired demon says. The demon holds up his hand and Mahito thinks this may be it. He might be done for. A flame arrow cuts through the green mist right before it reaches him.

He's alive? How?

Mahito scrambles back and hightails it out of there. He knows not why Sukuna saved his life, but he does not plan to stick around and find out. Let those two deal with that unconquerable shikigami. He needs to regroup. Heal his hand. Regroup with the others. And if he is lucky, Sukuna will have taken care of that demon lord and leave Mahito be.

A chill runs up his spine as he glances back. "Fuck." He throws himself to the right, barely missing the blast of energy sent his direction. His leg throbs. It is burned. His leg does not want to move. Crippled. Double fuck. He wills his unscathed hand to transform into something sharp. It works.

Yes! It works.

He cuts off the burned part of his leg, biting down on his tongue as the pain nearly makes him want to pass out. His body is weak. Far too weak. But his regeneration is working on his leg now. He wonders if the same will work on his other arm, so he cuts more of his arm off.

Almost as if there was a blockage, his regeneration flows freely, and his hand heals. The smell of rotting flesh assaults his nose. Fuck that demon lord.

Is this the power of a full demon or just that one? He does not want to find out. But why did he ask for Satoru Gojo? He needs to get away. As much as it pains him to leave the destruction to the others, staying alive long enough to see that woman's death is more important. Staggering to his feet, he moves further away from the battle. His newly regenerated leg is wobbly, frail.

A pain in the ass.

"Running away?" Geto chimes rounding the corner. Mahito scoffs. He looks a damn mess and Geto looks as serene as usual. "That's not like you."

"Regrouping. There is a demon lord in the midst."

The smile drops from Geto's face as if someone threw a bucket of acid on him. Ah, so this was not a part of Geto's scheme. Good to know he is not the only one confused. "And what did this demon lord look like?"

"White hair, gold eyes, a crescent moon on his forehead." Mahito flexes his hand. Good, the feeling is back. His strength is returning. Just in time, too. He spots the blonde sorcerer he fought back at the school. "Break is over," he declares. "I've got one more sorcerer to kill."

Geto laughs and moves to the side. "By all means, have your fun."

"You aren't going to join?"

"Later."

Mahito narrows his eyes. Something about Geto's refusal to join in on the chaos does not sit right with him. An eerie feeling builds in his gut. The stench of betrayal is coated on every word Geto speaks. "By the way, that demon lord is looking for Gojo Satoru."

"Is that so?" Geto murmurs, looking past Mahito and in the direction of the demonic energy. "How interesting."

The unease does not dissipate from his gut, but he ignores it for now. The need to test out his newly regenerated limbs is great. And with everyone distracted, no one will be coming to that blonde sorcerer's rescue.

What is that saying the humans are always going on about? Third time is the charm. Yeah, this time, that sorcerer will not walk away from the fight.

"Oh, Mahito, try not to get yourself killed. We still have lots to do."

That unease and the whisper of betrayal stays with Mahito long after Geto walks away. Even as he engages with the blonde sorcerer with the tired eyes, he cannot shake the feeling of something not being quite right.

Which is silly.

Geto is on the side of curses. He would not go to these lengths just to side with humanity.

[asoiafdrabbles]

Is it so far from madness to wisdom? Chapter 3

Summary: Laenor accompanies Jon to Runestone, where everything is going as smoothly as a funeral can until it's not.

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XxXxX

With only three days of dragonriding behind him, Laenor and Rhaenyra had to agree that Maegon was ready for the trip to Runestone. They had sent a ship ahead with his possessions so they would arrive around the same time, as they could not trust the Cannibal to simply follow if Maegon was onboard.

They would, of course, make a few stops so they could stretch and so Laenor could access Maegon’s state, but he did not think they would need to overnight anywhere.

He’d rarely seen anyone so natural on the back of a dragon, he was not even sure if Maegon spoke his commands at all or if their bond had grown so deep already that it was unnecessary. It unnerved both he and Rhaenyra in ways they couldn’t fully verbalize, but understood in each other: If Maegon had been Rhaenyra’s age, with this amount of skill and his gender, Viserys may have been tempted to name him heir back then, instead, despite his father.

And while Rhaenyra thought Daemon would take his son’s skill with joy, Laenor was not so sure. He liked his mother’s cousin well enough, but he was not in love with him as Rhaenyra was, and the war had largely disillusioned him towards Daemon’s “better” nature.

Another reason he had insisted on going along with Maegon. He was certainly not the boy’s father, but in a way all the men in his life were, to fill in the gaps that Daemon had left. Perhaps some of the men at Runestone felt the same, but Laenor was hesitant to rely on them for Maegon’s wellbeing now that Lady Royce was gone.

He watched him stretching after they landed, his small body probably stiff from the new position it was being forced into on dragonback. Coming up to him, telegraphing his moves because he seemed twitchy lately (Laenor wondered if it wasn’t the bond with the Cannibal causing that, certainly that dragon was the most antisocial being he’d ever known), Laenor took one of his arms and rubbed the tense muscle as he might have for his sister or Rhaenyra, as his mother had done for him.

“We’ll take a meal, now, so we won’t be hungry as soon as we get there.” Laenor would be fine, but Maegon was still growing. “You should soak in a hot bath tonight. Actually hot.” He knew how servants unused to dragonriders tended to make the water if not specifically instructed.

Maegon gave a short laugh. “I know, cousin. And the servants at Runestone know, as well, even if mother,” his face shifted into sorrow before he got control of it again, “took some convincing when I was younger.”

“I wish I’d gotten to know Lady Rhea, she sounds like she was wonderful," Laenor said before he could think better of it, because Maegon always did speak so well of his mother.

There was a long silence, but Laenor didn’t push, just going about pulling out their supplies and handing over Maegon’s share. He’d never lost a parent, didn’t know what he’d do when he did, when inevitably his father died and he was left Master of Driftmark and Lord of the Tides, but he remembered how Rhaenyra had been in those months after her mother’s death.

“She was wonderful. Being a ruling lady is not easy, especially not in the Vale with the tensions because of Lady Jeyne, but mother always persevered. And…she never blamed me for who my father was or how he treated her. The only time I’d ever seen her upset over it was when the King ordered for me to come to the Red Keep.” Maegon gave a teary smile. “I was upset, too, in truth. As much as I wished to meet the rest of you, as intrigued as I was with my Valyrian heritage, I did not want to leave my mother’s side. And did not think I’d have to, not until I was old enough to squire, at least, and even then I thought I could stay in the Vale.”

If Laenor had to leave his mother’s side as a child, he knew she was always within a few hours of him by dragon, just as he knew he could return to Dragonstone quickly if he had to now. Lady Rhea would have had to sail to King’s Landing if she’d wished to see her son, a trip that a ruling lady could not take often, and one that was not without dangers.

“I fear we did you a disservice,” he finally said, staring out towards the sea beside them. “We could have flown you home for visits, but it did not occur to us to do so.”(1)

Maegon shook his head. “You did nothing wrong, cousin. I did not hate my time in King's Landing and enjoyed much of what I learned there. And the King could have forced mother to bring me much earlier, could have had me raised there altogether, but he chose to allow me a childhood at Runestone.”

Laenor let the subject drop, moving on to talking about a prank that Laena and Rhaenyra had played on him when they were younger, leaving out any mention of parents or the King. He spared a moment’s thought to how thankful he was that his children would never know such separation from their parents, they would grow up as Laenor had, secure in how easy it was for them to visit.

***

Jon wished to push ahead faster, but Laenor was uncompromising. The Cannibal was equal parts amused and annoyed at the whole thing, though Jon continually reminded him that this wouldn’t be happening if the body he was in was older.

Though he had gotten the impression, both from Maegon’s memories and some of what Laenor and Rhaenyra had said, that there was only so much older he could have gotten before he’d be considered a lost cause. Rhaenyra had ridden her dragon at seven, let alone simply bonding to it, and most of the people who claimed dragons into their teens had never gotten the chance to try, unlike Maegon who had been given a cradle egg and gone into the Dragonpit in King’s Landing.(2)

He supposed he could be vaguely comforted that the Cannibal had thought of what impression he would make on people. Even if that made him incredibly smug across their bond.

Maegon’s Aunt Ysilla, Rhea’s middle sister, awaited them when they landed their dragons in the area outside the keep where Daemon had always placed Caraxes. She had guards and extra horses with her and kept glancing at their dragons with wide eyes, but forced her attention to Maegon.

She gathered him up in her arms and everything about her was familiar, even though Jon himself had never met her before this. Melting into her hold, it was difficult to listen to her comforting words without tearing up some. Ysilla had married a Waynwood, but visited often, and her son Waymer and Maegon were close despite the fact that for a time everyone expected him to be Rhea’s heir.

Waymer himself met them inside, sparing a small, sad smile for his cousin. Jon knew something must have happened to him in the near future, because he wasn’t the Lord Royce that Jon had learned about from the Dance, and did not feel any guilt about replacing him if it meant he might live longer.

Along with him were Ysilla’s husband, Ser Elys Waynwood, and Ser Gerold Royce, Rhea’s third cousin and friend. It was the latter that Jon went to, trusting in Maegon’s instincts, and who informed him that Rhea had named him regent until Maegon came of age.

He introduced Laenor and they were all suitably impressed both by his titles and by his charm, (though mostly by his father, who Jon was extremely excited about one day meeting, even if Maegon was apparently terrified of him). Laenor might not have been any great fighter off of his dragon, but he was an expert courtier and also well-used to dealing with people who the fancier court etiquette wouldn’t appeal to thanks to his father’s businesses.

“I will be staying for the sennight, at least, if it pleases my cousin. I am gladdened that he has the support of his family here, but we would like to offer our own, as well,” he stated when they asked if he was staying the night, and even if Jon had wanted to refuse, there would have been no polite way to do so.

There was some general uneasiness about including Laenor in their mourning, as he had met Rhea possibly once in his entire life, but Jon thought they’d get over it. If nothing else, he could tell Laenor was intrigued by their talk of traditional funeral rites, completely different from what Velaryons and Targaryens practiced.

They held the funeral that evening, as the sun dipped below the horizon, glinting off the bronze armor pieces that most of them wore. Jon couldn’t stop a few tears from falling, knowing his own mother had never gotten even this much, and with the ache in his heart from Maegon’s loss.

“You don’t have to be strong right now,” Gerold whispered to him after everyone else had given their condolences and started back to the main keep for the evening meal. “Even a man grown might cry when he loses his mother.”

Jon gave a weak smile in response, moving closer. “My thanks, my lord, but I fear if I start now, I shall not stop.”

That earned him a fierce hug. “And there is nothing wrong with that, either. I am here to do what you cannot, yet, and if you need a few days before you start, no one will judge you.”

Those words almost tipped him over the edge into sobs, but as though his wishes for a distraction were fulfilled in the worst of ways (and perhaps they had been, considering he did not know how much magic the Cannibal could still accomplish), there was a roar in the distance and then two answering ones from the dragons on the field.

The unmistakable form of Caraxes could be seen in the dying light of the day and though he was not visible, Daemon would inevitably be on his back.

XxXxX

Notes:

(1) I imagine dragonriders are like people who grew up with private jets and can’t really comprehend that everyone else can’t just randomly decide to go places and then go there. Even Laenor and Laena, whose father is very much not a dragonrider, because Corlys might take more time to get to a place, but he has access to ships whenever he wants.

(2) A lot of people actually claim dragons much later, Daemon had iirc been in his 20s in F&B, but it seemed like in HOTD that maybe isn’t true? Anyway since I’m going with HOTD!Daemon for shitty parenting, I’m going to say claiming in the teens or later is incredibly rare. So Daemon claimed Caraxes soon after Aemon died, which would still make him 11 and a huge hypocrite, but he’s a ~pureblood Targaryen~ or whatever so maybe he judges his children more harshly since they don’t have so much dragonlord blood on both sides.

Also I should probably make it clear that I love good!father!Daemon and believe in the books he really was (I've got a bunch of headcanons around Valyrian culture and parenting but anyway), however this is going with the show version because it's more tension and I like the contrast of Jon having a decent father and no mother and Maegon having a good mother and a shit father. I also have a Daemon pov coming up to show more of his actual feelings on Maegon.

[chuuyrr]

Gojo reader comforting Dazai about what’s underneath his bandages.Or Gojo reader comforting Chuuya about “not being” human,in both scenario’s she is obviously accepting of it no matter how much they doubt it.

upon the tainted sorrow & no longer human — bsd x gojo! reader

masterlist of infinity

╰➤ CW(s): possible spoilers for stormbringer (bsd light novel) and dark era, mentions of suicide and self-harm on dazai's part, and major themes of hurt and fluffy comfort

╰➤ SYNOPSIS: in which your dearly beloved struggles with their inner demons, but you're there to comfort and wholeheartedly accept them no matter what.

╰➤ PAIRING(s): dazai osamu, chuuya nakahara (separately)

before you read: i read from somewhere how dazai and chuuya's abilities kind of talk about each other's past. also, lemme know if this new theme is better than the old one, and if you got the (somewhat) references i put into this.

upon the tainted sorrow — dazai osamu

the reason i love you is you being you, just you.

dazai was an enigma, and he still was. sure, there were many things you didn't know about him, but even without your six eyes, you're no stranger to the mask he wears; the fake smiles, laughter, and his jokes about committing double suicide with you.

although his eyes sparkled and his hands were warm as they held you, they couldn't conceal the emptiness, the black hole embedded in his heart, or the sadness beneath his bandages.

and the thing was, even when you two got together, your boyfriend never really told you much about his past, but you were quick to tell what dazai had been through. after all, the eyes were the window to the soul.

every time he tried to take his breath away, your curiosity and genuine concern grew. although dazai liked to make it light for every failed attempt, it was still heart wrenching for you, and although you never expressed it properly, mostly probably out of fear, you were scared that one day, dazai would become successful and he'd be gone. nonetheless, despite your fear of him, you loved him.

right now, it past midnight. you were supposed to be asleep under the covers with your boyfriend by now, but you were wide awake. you couldn't get your mind off what had just happened. you had just returned from tokyo, specifically from your organization, and were on your way home to your boyfriend's when he attempted again, but this time it was different.

he had gotten a little closer to death's door today, and you can only imagine what lies beneath his bandages as a result. after that, dazai didn't let you see anything. with a smile and a laugh, he simply shrugged it off as another failed attempt. you remembered seeing what was underneath when he got tangled up in the same bandages he was trying to change, and dazai was quiet for the first time.

dazai felt the demons inside his head come after him and flood it with thoughts because of the way you were staring at him with those bare heaven-sent eyes of yours as you changed his bandages and cleaned him up, but if only dazai knew that wasn't the case. you were staring for an entirely different reason.

you simply couldn't find the right words right now. your attention was drawn to what was painting his skin; the sorrow tainting him, and as he became tainted by sorrow, you knew how he languidly lingered on dreams of death.

so there you were, clutching the blanket, staring at the bandages that were still adorning dazai's arms and neck while he was still wearing his pajamas, wondering if you should have said something after you had cleaned and bandaged him up because after that, you two just went to bed in silence, pretending nothing had happened at all.

"[name]?"

when you heard your boyfriend's voice, your eyes widened in surprise. dazai was no longer facing you with his back to you, but had turned around and looked you in the eyes.

"yes?" you asked in a murmur, blinking.

dazai responded, eyes widening, "you're crying."

your cheeks were damped as you reached for your face, and it was only then that you realized your field of vision was also blurry due to the tears welling up in your crystalline blue six eyes.

oh.

"it's nothing," you said calmly, not bothering to wipe your tears away as you closed your eyes, adding a quick lie as a cover up, "just a bad dream, that's all."

"you had been awake all night, belladonna. i highly doubt you were dreaming at all," dazai stated matter-of-factly, running his fingers through your hair, his eyes softening at the sight of you crying quietly.

damnit. of course, your boyfriend is aware. dazai never sleeps, especially not when his demons keep him awake.

you remained silent for a moment, but only until dazai spoke up again, a small frown on his features, "is it because of earlier? if that's the case, i'm sorry.."

you bit your tongue for a second before opening your eyes to gaze into his, a small smile twitching on your lips as you outstretched your hand toward his bandaged arm, "hey, i love you, you know that, right?"

"of course i do, belladonna," dazai chuckled softly, wrapping his free bandaged arm around your waist and pulling you closer to his embrace beneath the covers.

you shook your head, causing him to furrow his brows and let out a confused hum, "huh?"

"i don't just love you, osamu," you clutched his bandaged arm as you buried your face deeper into his warm yet cold embrace, "i love you no matter what; no matter what you have or may have beneath your bandages."

as he held you in his embrace, you felt dazai stiffen and unconsciously squeeze you. your eyes widened slightly as you felt something wet dampen your hair as he buried his face in it, but you kept going.

"you don't have to be honest with me all the time, but I just want you to know that I'll be here," you continued, smiling to yourself.

"tell me, [name]," dazai's voice was shaky and incredibly soft, almost like a whisper, but desperate and longing, "why do you stay?"

"because i want to, osamu. i want to be with you, always," you drew back just enough to face him, gently taking his hand and cupping your own face, "and i accept everything that makes you who you are—i love you."

"no matter what, [name]?" dazai asked softly, pressing his forehead against yours and closing his eyes, "do you really mean that?"

"it's a promise, osamu," you leaned your forehead against his, closing your eyes, but not before turning your head to kiss his wrist, pressing your lips against his bandages.

your face was squished by his larger hand as he pulled it away from your lips, and the next thing you knew, you and dazai were laughing ever so sortly, with him kissing your face as he held you tightly. that night, the stars shone brighter.

no longer human — nakahara chuuya

your beauty never ever scared me

you and chuuya had something in common: you were both cursed in some way. you both had something that made you not quite human. so, knowing how you had your own demons, you weren't a stranger to the ones your boyfriend was dealing with.

it didn't take long in your relationship with him to discover that he was a vessel for a god named arahabaki, and that this fact caused him to question his humanity.

chuuya, in fact, never hid anything from you and was very open about it, especially when he discovered your six eyes and blood-relationship to sugawara michizane because you two shared a kind of inhumanity in a way. he did feel less lonely as a result of it.

even so, it was a constant struggle for chuuya, especially when he had to use corruption, the very manifestation of his ability and the god for whom he serves as a vessel, arahabaki. despite the fact that chuuya has no reason to be afraid of you getting hurt because your limitless ability always protects you, he can't help but be afraid of him hurting you and making you fear of him.

but most of all, the feeling of not being human; of not being qualified as a human, of being a disgrace, that washes over chuuya after corruption always gets him, and it's a horrible, horrible feeling.

you had just returned home to the penthouse you shared with chuuya when you decided to relocate to yokohama despite the fact that your work was in tokyo. it was a little late, considering it was already past three a.m. you stepped inside the dimly lit environment, exhausted as you removed your heeled boots.

you were on your way to the kitchen to grab a snack or two before washing up and joining chuuya under the covers in bed to finally get some sleep when you noticed him on the balcony.

you immediately changed your path and went towards him, where you saw him leaning against the glass railing, eyes seemingly vacant as he held a cigarette between his fingers and puffed out some smoke.

you were familiar with that expression, and if there was another thing you knew about chuuya, it was his penchant for smoking when he was upset. even if you weren't the type to drink or smoke, you didn't mind his vices. in fact, you were more concerned with chuuya himself personally.

"still awake?" you swallowed and cleared your throat. your voice was able to drag him back to reality.

chuuya turned to face you, his eyes widening in surprise as he noticed you standing right beside him, now leaning against the railing. you smiled at him, relieved to see him return to you in some way, and said softly, "hi, darling."

"couldn't sleep," chuuya sighed before putting out his cigarette. normally, he'd embrace you and smother you in kisses and affection, but he couldn't hold you or even touch you right now.

"chuuya?" you asked softly, gently removing your blindfold to reveal your six eyes to him.

"such nice things as a heart don't suit me..." said chuuya, staring at you with a lost, despondent gaze. your gaze was drawn to his trembling gloved hands.

you approached him, taking his hands in yours gently. to comfort him, you entwined your hands with his and rubbed circles on his knuckles. chuuya's breaths paused, but you continued your actions, this time removing his gloves, causing his eyes to widen slightly as they met yours.

"you once told me that these gloves give you a sense of restraint, a sense of attachment to the life you live—i could say the same thing," you chuckled softly, "i have to cover my six eyes to stay human."

while the gloves are for chuuya, wearing a blindfold or even sunglasses gives you a sense of restraint. when it came the two of you, it meant only one thing: you and chuuya were no longer enjoying the rush of a battle the moment you unveiled yourselves, and you two genuinely needed to defend yourselves. in other words, because you two are attached to your life.

"but to say such things as a heart don't suit you? i don't think so," you shook your head, gently pressing your lips against his knuckles.

"i'm not human, [name], and i never will be..." chuuya found himself unconsciously gripping your hands as he closed his eyes.

"i'm not human either, not with these six eyes and limitless, but we can always try, chuuya," you elicited a surprised look from him as he found himself relaxing as he heard your words.

"we can still be human together, even if we're both cursed with our blessings," you watched him lift his head, staring into your heaven-sent eyes that were giving him so much light and hope, "our blessings are not our fault."

chuuya's lips trembled as he shook his head, "but i'm not like you.. i can still hurt you. i can't be human even if i try, [name].."

"i'm not afraid of you or what you possess, and i never will be, chuuya," you exclaimed, releasing his hands and placing both of yours on each side of his face, gently cupping it, "and i will always love and accept you for who you are."

you leaned forward and pressed your lips against his, tasting the minty tobacco that was encapsulated by his lips and tongue. chuuya's arms snaked around you, tightening around you and deepening the kiss. as chuuya pressed his forehead against yours, the two of you drew back just enough to catch your breaths.

you closed your eyes, chuuya's lips grazing into a genuine smile as you softly giggled,

"your beauty never ever scared me, chuuya."

[ author's notes — i don't usually write anything at the end of my works, but i just wanna say, thank you for reading until the very end of this post! i know i haven't been consistently updating, and i'm sorry for that. school's being a pain in the ass and i've been stressed out lately that i haven't been able to write anything. so much has been going on from finals works, incoming college entrance exams and research proposal defense and needing to review harder at the same time as resulted into me sleeping late only to wake up and attend class and tire myself again :P it sucks so much that i'm just gaslighting myself that i'm actually getting enough sleep and doing great. sigh. so, if you're still here, sticking around, still reading my works, thank you. just thank you <3 ]

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Broken Trust, pt.4

Part one // Part two // Part three  

Summary: Time passes, but certain things don’t change. In light of their emotions, both make a choice that will inevitably lead them to one another - for better or worse.

Warnings: angst (my apologies), fluff sprinkled on top

a/n - It’s likely the last one before the finale, so settle in and get some tissues.

========================

Y/N swore she’ll never be so stupid, so naïve, so helpless ever again when she  left the orphanage. She swore she’d be stronger, for herself and Mal, yet she found herself in the very same position.

Mal returned to her side, alive unlike what she believed. In a way, Aleksander couldn’t take away the one person she had left and a small part of her loved him more because of it. Mal wrapped his arms around her, aware nothing he says would do them any good as she began to cry. She didn’t want to, she didn’t want anyone to see her weakness for the man she’s supposed to hate. She couldn’t help it, though. She felt utterly alone and helpless. She felt like her mind and heart are breaking into two – one meant to love Aleksander and the other meant for hate.

Her screams echoed long into the night, filled with raging despair and the sorrowful betrayal she had been a victim of. After all, it’s those we love who hurt us most and she didn’t break quietly. It felt like every atom of her being screamed in unison, traumatized by all the things she kept inside since she was a child. She thought she was safe with Aleksander, that she could entrust her heart and soul to him. And she could, but she’d have to sacrifice who she is in return and she caught herself wishing she could. Y/N wished she could shed that part of herself that saw the world as black and white, to see it in the same shade of grey Aleksander did, but she couldn’t.

When the wracking sobs passed, she cried in such a desolate way that Mal couldn’t bear to listen for long.

“We need to go”, Mal whispered, looking around anxiously. They’ve stayed for too long, her cries have been too loud. He could feel it in his bones, if they didn’t leave, something sinister would happen. “Please, Y/N.”

Mal attempts to help her up, but she sinks to her knees. Her entire body is trembling, inconsolable. Y/N found herself robbed of her ability to love and trust, not only others but herself for her heart had lied to her mind who trusted the muscle blindly. It’s much more painful than a simple betrayal – she would have taken a dagger to the heart much kinder than what he had done to her.

And she hated him with burning passion for leaving now. If he persisted, she wasn’t certain if she’d be capable of resisting him much longer. But he left. He told her he loves her, her told her he would be kind to her and then he left her for trying to save his soul.

“If we do not leave now, we will be killed!” Mal raises his voice and she flinches, snapping out of her thoughts. She stands, her tears glistening in the faint light of the moonlight above them. Nodding, she walks with Mal, refusing to wipe the tears away.

She might not be like Aleksander, she might not share his darkness, but she is too proud to surrender, too proud to bend, too proud to lose. If he wants to make war instead of love, she’ll give it to him.

“How do I look?” Y/N raised her eyebrows, hands on her hips as she twirled.

Her cheeky smile acted like a wrecking ball for the wall the Darkling erected long ago, meant to keep the light out. He cultivated his darkness, convinced it would give him all his heart desires, yet the sight of Y/N struggling to stand with his kefta engulfing her the same his arms would if they embraced, it had rendered him speechless.

Y/N’s smile falters in the silence, her eyebrows furrowing as a frown crinkles her forehead. “Should I not have done this?”

The disappointment in her voice forced Aleksander to act, shaking his head while sending her a disarming smile.

"No, it's fine. I just didn't expect you to wear my clothes."

On any given day, she’d be blushing at the sight of his smile. His smile had healing properties as far she was concerned, but today wasn’t an ordinary day and her nerves made her particularly sensitive. Pursing her lips, she attempts to fold her arms with the extra fabric making it much harder, while casting her gaze to the ground. “You don’t like it.”

Raising his eyebrows, his smile grows. He comes closer, placing his index finger under her chin to tilt her head, properly meeting her gaze. "On the contrary", he speaks slowly and clearly, "I find you irresistible."

If she didn’t know any better, Y/N would have guessed he was the Sun Summoner with the way his glowing smile set her alight.

Licking her lips drew his attention, his eyes flickering down momentarily. It seemed like such an innocent moment, but it was enough to make her hands shake in anticipation.

Sighing, Y/N forces her eyes open. While she kept Aleksander out of her mind during the day, the nights favored his memory. It had been an almost that came to her dream, their almost first kiss when she had been in Little palace for a full month – she remembers because he made the dinner all about her presence.

No matter how hard she tried to let it go – to let him go, she always found herself clutching her chest in the morning. She wondered if she ever crossed his mind, almost a year since they’ve parted. Does his heart ache the same? Is that why she had hardly heard anything of him?

Her mind conjured up the worst, most painful explanations in the lonely nights. She wondered if he ever truly loved her and if he had, where had the love gone?

Can a person just stop loving someone? Did Aleksander Morozova finally stop loving her?

She wanted to stop loving him, but she couldn’t. She found herself making up excuses in his place to cover up the mistakes he’s made. In this distance that was freezing her soul and collapsing her heart, Y/N’s sole wish was to meet with her darling Darkling again. But she couldn’t travel to Little palace with the knowledge that he likely didn’t want her there or that he’d still further his plans despite her wishes. She’d have been by his side if he truly wanted her with him.

If he loved her enough, he wouldn’t have deceived her.

If he loved her enough, he would have helped her destroy the fold.

If he loved her enough, he would be here to reassure her instead of letting her question everything.

“I can do this”, she whispered under her breath, reassuring herself. She spent so many months trying to conjure up enough light and maintain enough control for it to seem Aleksander wasn’t wrong about her.

She wanted to make him proud, to draw him in with her light ever since he named her Sunshine. It’s silly, but the endearing name passing his lips made her insides quiver and she was prepared to do anything to hear it again. After all, if she does spectacularly well during an evening where she’s the main attraction, she was certain he’d see her as the only woman in the world.

Yet, as she makes her first few steps into the room, Y/N realizes she was wrong. She hasn’t done anything yet, but his eyes are chained to her regardless. The way he’s looking at her now makes her feel as if she is the only woman in the world that matters.

She saw his chest rise as he drew breath, then he was coming toward her, moving with his usual predatory grace and the intimidating flare. She wasn’t sure which she found more unnerving the intimidating Darkling or the graceful General.

"We are matching", she presses her lips to suppress an excited smile creeping up on her. She didn't expect his kefta to match hers despite his request to wear it. For Y/N, it felt strangely intimate, but she welcomed intimacy as long as it was with him.

“You look stunning”, he breathes out, a handsome smile appearing on his lips as he holds out his hand for her to take.

She doesn’t hesitate, awestruck by the twinkle in his dark eyes.

“They tell me you refused the gloves”, he raises his eyebrows.

Lifting her shin up, she smirks, “Have faith in me.”

Leaning in, Aleksander’s nose brushes her earlobe, “I never said I don’t.”

Helping her up on the stage, Aleksander stepped before her. She could hardly focus on his words, staring at his broad shoulders as they entirely shielded her from curious glances. He eclipsed her long enough for nerves to subside and she was grateful.

“You still think you’re ready?” Mal settles beside her, lips pressed as he looks at her disheveled state.

Clearing her throat, she nods, “I’ve never been stronger.”

“I know, but if you need more time –“, Mal begins, but Y/N’s irritated glare shut him up.

“We head to the fold today.” Taking a sip of her water, Y/N stands, intent on going into the woods.

“You love him”, Mal’s words stop Y/N in her tracks. “I know you do. It’s why you suffer so much in his absence.“

Swallowing thickly, she exhales through her nose to stop herself from saying anything she might regret. There’s a reason she refused to speak about Aleksander with Mal, with anyone if she could help it. Other than occasionally asking around if he’s been seen, Y/N had kept him out of her mouth. Mal couldn’t understand her feelings, he never would. She knew it to be true.

Aleksander is still an active heartache she couldn’t heal with time nor practice. Truth be told, she wanted him with her all the time. She wanted him there to cuddle when she’s on the brink of breaking, for him to whisper sweet nothings in her ear and remind her she’s loved. She wanted him there when she bathes to splash water in each other’s faces like children, to hear him gasping for air when he laughs so freely like nothing had ever gone wrong between them.

She is his. Despite the way things started, she was truly his and no amount of denial will ever change that. Unable to form words, Y/N closed her eyes as her face contorted. Her lips pressed together to hold in a sob and her head hurt from all the pressure building up in her attempt to stop herself from falling apart. But she couldn’t. There were no walls left inside her to hold the hurt encased from her mind any longer. She was shattering after nearly a year and a half of being strong – silent as she missed him, as she loved him, as she defended him from herself.

Meanwhile, in Little palace, Aleksander sat in her old room with her blue kefta in hand. He brings it up to his face, inhaling the faded scent in hope of remembering the warmth mere traces of her scent could evoke. He missed the smell of her hair when he buried his face in her neck, the gentle touch of her skin, the sweetness of her lips.

"May I ask for a dance?” He asked her with a half-smile, surprised she seemed reluctant to take his hand after her demonstration. “I won't bite”, he winks, making her roll her eyes and giggle simultaneously.

“I can hardly dance”, she admits, nibbling on her lower lip mercilessly.

Taking her hand with his right hand, he brought her closer with his left hand on her hip. She gasps, caught off guard as she looks at him with amusement.

He raises an eyebrow, suppressing a chuckle as he begins to sway her from side to side.

"When I first saw you, I couldn't get over how breathtakingly beautiful you are.” Aleksander tells her, the softest smile adorning his lips and she wished she could just reach out and touch them to see if they feel just as soft as they look. “I tried to stop you from leaving because I was bewitched by you, but then your light came out and I couldn't believe how lucky I was."

Inhaling sharply, she stared at him with lips parted in uncertainty. “So you’d say you care for me?”

Sighing heavily, Aleksander leaned his forehead on his palms, realizing not much work would be done as her face is all he thinks of, all he sees. The night he walked away, he finally saw what his love had brought her – pain and suffering. He took all she was and picked her soul apart until she was left void of love, of hate, of all emotion. After so many lifetimes, the Saints answered his prayers and sent him a dream encased in a good woman, to love and to care for and he had ruined her.

Loneliness was a punishment too kind for his awful actions.

He thought what would have happened if he had given her the truth before – had he told her what he knew, but also what he kept from her. Maybe she’d understand, maybe she would have stayed. Would their bond grow stronger? 

It couldn’t be worse than it is now.

That’s his fault as well.

Pressing his lips together, Aleksander closed his eyes for a moment. “I’d say you’re the light of my life and I never want to see it dim.”

Dipping her, his lips pause at her throat and he could feel the exact moment her breath halted, caught right below his lips. He could feel her quiver, gripping his arm strongly but not out of fear of being dropped, but from a need to be closer.

Bringing her upright, he had no more desire to remain among the people where every action is judged, controversial. He wanted to take her somewhere where he could just be Aleksander, more than the Darkling they branded him as.

“Want to go somewhere more private?” She tilts her head ever so slightly to glance at the grand entry door, waiting for his response. He couldn’t believe how easily she read his mind.

Instead of speaking, he simply pulls her toward the door, feeling as if he had been given a chance to do what he never thought was possible – live. To live and possibly love.

Once they entered his room, closest to them from the reception, Aleksander stopped. He turns to her with a smirk, his hand still holding onto hers. His fingers curl around it gently, encasing it. Slowly, he brings the hand up to his lips, leaving a feather light kiss on her wrist while her cheeks darkened.

Y/N couldn’t ignore the smile upon his lips. Smiles are supposed to be soft and inviting, but his is charming and deadly. She knew he had captured her heart and no matter what she does, he’s rooted deep inside her. He’ll always run through her veins, even if they part.

Problem is, she didn’t mind it. Not at all.

She could feel her lips tingle, parting in need. All she wants is to press her lips against his, close her eyes and take him in. She didn’t care about her previously established beliefs, she’d burn them all down for a single kiss. Barely holding onto who she was before she met her sweet Darkling, Y/N cups his cheek.

His eyes are alight with desire and craving he’s been suppressing for a long time, intoxicating her, captivating her.

Her hand moves to the back of his neck, pulling him down and he complies. His forehead rests on Y/N’s, the tip of his nose brushing hers while her fingertips grasp at the short hair at the back of his head. He’s breathing heavily, his eyes closing, so she allows herself the comfort of closing her own while bridging the distance between them. 

She presses her lips firmly onto his and the world melts away. His hand clasps gently into the back of her hair, pressing in softly. His lips are softness, passion, the promise of the sweetness to come.

Pulling back for a air, she hears the breathless chuckle accompanying his dashing smile.

“That was a perfect kiss”, she pecks his lips once more and he feels his heart stop. At a loss for words, he blinks a couple of times, seeing her lips curve into a small smile.

“Don’t go shy on me now, Sunshine.”

Aleksander remembered how they made love that night, leisurely, savoring each other’s bodies until their passion mounted. He thought about all the times she had given herself to him willingly and yet it felt like he was the one who gave her small pieces of himself each time. He loved not knowing what to expect with her for she was never the same twice. One time she would be quiet and sensual, the next aggressive and demanding. At other times she would be laughing and teasing. But no matter how she was, he loved loving her. Even the thought of touching her excited him.

She drove him mad, but she also showed him what it means to love someone. She could have killed him at any given moment had it been her true desire, just as he could have done the same to her and yet he couldn’t. Even thinking about someone hurting her upsets him.

Y/N could have stayed or killed him, he’d be fine with either way. At least then he wouldn’t suffer alone. She let him go so easily that he couldn’t help but think her love was never his. He wished he didn’t resent her for it, because a part of him wished she’d let him go long before, he wished for her to go far away from him where she’d be happier.

In his eyes swam ghosts of regrets and self-loathing, for he could have done a lot of things much better, made her life much easier. He could have been a better choice for her, a happy ending she’s deserving of. But he had already messed everything up and it is easier to have her see him as the bad guy. 

She’d let him go easier.

“General?” Ivan paused in the doorway, aware no one’s allowed in Y/N’s room and he valued his life greatly, far too much to dare take another step.

Swallowing thickly, Aleksander remained on the bed while the Darkling rose to his feet. He had been planning for too long, hiding away from what needs to be done. It was time to act and the Darkling’s mind is made up.

“We’re heading to the fold today.”

PART 5

[skiyoosmi]

post-break up heartaches

⤷ verse 2. in the dreams that we once shared

⤷ miya osamu, bokuto koutarou

⤷ verse 1 | verse 3

⤷ play. sorrow by sleeping at last, wrong direction by hailee steinfield

commissions: open

⇢ OSAMU stays still in his seat, melancholic eyes contrasting your bright ones while you twirl around in the middle of the ballroom. he admits, your dream wedding gown fit your figure perfectly as it flowed so gracefully the more you moved. but no beauty can compare to the happiness on your face as you danced with his previous volleyball teammate; the latter having a small smile on his face, not even having a single care about the funny looks you've been getting from your distant relatives. despite the minimal expression he adorns, to someone who has known him for a long time, it's clear as day just how ecstatic suna rintaro was to declare you as his wife, just as you were to call him your husband.

that could've been us, his mind screams all throughout the time he's been in the wedding ceremony, that could've been him dancing with you. he remembers little by little— how those smiles and laughters used to be solely for him whenever you try out his new recipes, from tasty to funny, how he used to be the one suddenly dragged to dance with you, how you used to dream of being married to him. him and only him.

but time was a cruel thing. he should've known better than to keep you waiting for more than so many years with nothing but empty and broken promises. i'll be done soon, yn, you know how much this means to me, this is my dream we're talking about here. stop being selfish please— he recalls himself telling you. he fails to see the disappointment and hurt that cross your eyes, fails to protect the already fragile relationship as you say your goodbye's to him a few more arguments and weeks later— i'm sorry for holding you back, samu. make sure to reach your dreams, okay?

i'm sorry. no matter how many times he says it, your fate was already done with him. you only needed him and he couldn't even give you that.

"hey there, stranger. wanna dance for a bit?"

he looks up, blinded by your brightness that almost seemed as if it mocked his sappy mood but he nods nevertheless, taking your hands as you pull him to the dance floor. in his peripheral view, he sees suna give him a wholehearted smile.

"you should stop frowning. it doesn't suit your face you know? what did you do to my lively samu?" you huff after a few minutes of nothing but silence and awkwardness while you swayed side to side with him, pouting when he shrugs, "you're such a gloomy ass! are you still in love with me or something?"

you swear it was supposed to be a joke, something to lighten the air between you two. but how were you supposed to laugh when he replied to you in the way you least expected?

"yeah, actually, i still am."

silence engulfed the two of you as you tried to overcome your shock. and for all the years he has been with you, it was painfully obvious that the answer he hopes for will not come. not now, not ever.

"samu... it's been—"

"i know. almost 8 years, is it? i know but i can't help it, yn. how could i when you're literally all i see everywhere i look?"

you fail to give him back a reply and (un)fortunately, he feels a tap on his shoulder and immediately, he knew it was time. he lets go of your waist and turns around, heart ready to get drowned by the bitter wine he's planning to drink all throughout the night, accompanied by the tears he won't be able to let out until he comes back to his hotel room.

"congratulations on your wedding, yn."

he ignores the hollowness inside him brought about by the unfinished conversation and goes back to his seat and repeats it like a mantra: not all fairytales get their happy ending.

and much to his dismay, his was one of those that don't.

⇢ BOKUTO was a star, luminous and blinding yet always longing to be part of the galaxy that held the awe of many other people. he was a child with dreams that wander all over the world and with confidence, he wants hear it, see that same world cheer for him.

he was an enormous star but his dreams were even bigger— and as he reaches out his hand to take more of what the universe can give him, he unknowingly lets go of yours.

"you look like you've dropped a huge shit on your underwear with the way you're staring down the court," konoha comments as he takes the seat he reserved beside you, hands deep in his pocket while he does so.

you glare at him, scoffing at his vulgar choice of words, "and you look like that shit, asshole. we haven't seen each other for so long and that's how you greet me?"

he laughs out loud, opening his arms and shoving you in them, "here! is this what you wanted instead? so adorable, yn! i knew you loved me at some point!"

you let out a series of groans, struggling to get out of his hold, "no! you're so annoying, get off me!"

he cackles, releasing you as the buzz rings out throughout the whole court, signaling the beginning of the match between msby and schweiden adlers. you shift in your seat, watching the players get introduced one by one, gasping when your ex-boyfriend literally does two cartwheels in his turn. is he... serious?

"where does he think he is... some kind of circus?" konoha snickers, shaking his head in amusement. oddly, you find yourself laughing with your companion. after all, this was typical bokuto, so full of energy and surprises.

"he looks... okay. very much okay," you bitterly state, placing your chin right on your palm as your arms and elbows rested on your lap. envy envelops your whole being as you watch him lively wave to the crowds, a large grin staying on his face. you huff silently, eyes trying to look at the other players but gravity seems to be playing its tricks on you as you find yourself reverting back to his figure. you wonder if time will let you become that happy someday.

"you're not...?" the lad beside you trails off, sighing when you shake your head 'no.'

"of course not yet, aki. it's not that i still love him or anything but he's just... he was everything, you know? he's become part of all my routines and now that he's gone, it... it just feels empty. like the dreams that used to help me sleep at night suddenly went away," he nods, not pushing you to say anything further. you both knew better than to have a shameful breakdown in public.

"god, i keep forgetting that the air conditioning in here is the worst," you grumble under your breath, rubbing your hands together to keep them from freezing out... because bokuto was no longer there to keep them warm, no longer there to offer you his own hands because you both forgot your gloves at home, no longer there to blow on them as if it was effective (it distracted you both at least), no longe—

"here, give me your hand," konoha reaches out to you, palms awaiting for yours to be in contact with his. you blink, surprised by his sudden offer, along with the pink hues that dusted both sides of his cheeks.

"we can't have them becoming numb, can we? i... i want to hold these hands for a very long time, you know?" he stutters as he begins rubbing both of your hands together, successfully getting rid of the cold and providing a new warmth you never expected will come sooner. oh... it's time, huh?

"uhm... yeah... thank you," you felt your face get hot. it seems like something... rather, someone has come to distract from the coldness you've been recently feeling.

"give me your days," he coughs out, still blushing. if anything, he's flushing even more now, "i'll fill the emptiness in them... and... and i can be your dream so you can sleep tight... and you'll be mine."

you gape at him, thousands of scenes flying through your mind but all of them led to one specific scenario.

"i... i have a lot of dreams, yn! i want to become a star player, someone who everyone will look up to and cheer for! and i... i think i want to focu—"

"i get it, bo. i'll get out of your way then. thank you... for everything."

"i-i'll be your dream?"

konoha chokes on his own saliva, "y-yeah! don't make me repeat it though, do you even know how cheesy that sounds? i can't believe i just said that, god... the things you make me do, you...!"

"okay."

it was his turn to blink, "e-eh?"

"i guess this is day one then?"

"eh?! wait... we... we're dating now, right?!"

"shut up now, aki."

as his golden eyes observe the two figures sitting by the stands, bokuto wishes he could've seen sooner that you were the one he had always been dreaming of, yearning for; wishes it could be him that was holding your hands again and he swears to whoever god there is, he won't let go of them anymore.

but then again, it seems like you were finally ready to wander with someone that wasn't him— who was he to stop you from doing so?

he was just a star;

you were the whole universe,

his universe.

© SKIYOOSMI, 2021. reposting, translating, editing, copying and any kind of plagiarism are strictly prohibited, thank you.

[omg-imatotalmess]

Sanctuary

Hey guys! So, this might be a little rushed because I'm sleepy, but I had to get it out of my brain because I literally could not sleep with it banging around in there. Hope y'all enjoy!

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Reader

Requested: No

Warnings: Mild angst (it's mostly fluffy, but there's a lot of crying)

---

It wasn't uncommon for you to get knocks on your door at ungodly hours of the night. Your friends didn't sleep well anymore. They came to your door riddled with dark, twisting nightmares that dragged them from their beds. And you always welcomed them in. Sometimes all they wanted was someone who would listen to them without comment, but, mostly, they just wanted someone to make it all go away. Your room was a sanctuary for people who were tired of putting on a brave face. So, the knocking was a very familiar way to wake up.

Sitting up, you glanced out the window. The moon hung high in the sky, bathing your room in silvery light. It had to be well after midnight. It was about the right time for nightmares to be pulling at Harry or Ron's fear of inadequacy to be poking at him. Rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you padded across the cold floor and pulled the door open.

Oh.

"I-I wasn't sure where else to go."

Draco Malfoy was about the last person you ever expected to come to you in the middle of the night. Despite loving each other for as long as you could remember, he'd pushed you away and turned his back. Kept you at arm's length. He always denied your compassion no matter how much he desperately wanted it. Yet there he was.

He looked more disheveled than you'd ever seen him. Pajamas wrinkled beyond help, robe hanging pathetically off one shoulder, shaking less from the cool night air than years worth of trapped fear, finally nipping at his heels. His hair flopped limply into his bloodshot eyes, shining with unshed tears. A pang of sorrow ricocheted through your chest. All you wanted to do was gather him up in your arms and protect him from whatever he was running from. Looking up at you, he dragged in a shaking breath but said nothing.

"Well, I'm glad you came to me. You know you're always welcome," you said, ushering him inside to sit on the edge of your bed. Clenching his jaw, he stared down at his own clasped hands.

"Are you hurt?" you asked, kneeling next to him. He shook his head. "That's good. You wanna tell me what's wrong?"

"Everything's wrong," he said miserably.

"You wanna talk about it?" You kept your tone as gentle as possible.

"I can't," he said. The weight of those two words was crushing. They always were, no matter who said them. Somehow they seemed worse coming from him.

"I understand," you said.

"No, you don't! No one does!" he snapped. You didn't flinch away from his anger. It was benign. Nothing that could hurt you. Though, you could tell from his grimace that it was tearing him apart.

"Maybe you're right, but I'm here anway," you said.

"You and I both know I don't desrve it." Draco's eyes cut away from his hands, glaring blurrily at your rumpled sheets.

"Everyone deserves to have someone that cares, Draco. Including you," you said, placing a hand over both of his. They were uncomfortably cold under your own, and the knuckles had turned white from the force of his grip. Gently, you began to pry them apart.

"Stop that," he hissed.

"Sorry, I don't want you to hurt yourself," you said, rolling your thumb over the back of his hand.

"Fine."

"I just want to make you feel better however I can. I'm here to help you," you said softly, offering him a tentative smile.

At your answer, he made a sound almost like he'd been kicked in the stomach. A deep, wheezing breath that you knew was usually followed by an overdue crying jag. When you glanced up at him, you were fully prepared to be met with reddened cheeks and snot but instead were met with a scowl. Tears threatened over his lashline but seemed to be going nowhere. Another ache settled in your chest for him. He needed this. Whatever release he'd get from giving up that last bit of control, he needed it. Softly, you stroked your knuckles over his cheek.

"Hey, I'm not gonna think any less of you for crying. You're safe with me," you promised. He nodded but stayed silent, shaking lightly.

Frowning, you hauled yourself up next to him on your bed. Even though you knew the shaking was more from holding back inevitable tears, you still dragged your comforter over his shoulders. The movement made him look at you. And you saw how tired he was, the misery and the outright fear he carried with him finally converging all at once. At that moment, you found yourself as close to tears as you'd been in a while.

"What do you need, Draco? If you want me to hold you, distract you, or just sit here in silence, I will—anything you need. Whatever it is, all you have to do is tell me," you said, pushing your own tears aside. The silence was deafening for a beat. Two. Then he reached over and laid his hand against your wrist.

"Tell me you love me. Please, just this once," Draco pleaded, eyes dropping back to his lap. His hand curled into your sleeve. So lightly that you probably could have pulled away had you wanted to, but you worried it would break him. He seemed so fragile—a delicate porcelain doll with hairline cracks all over it. Almost like the slightest movement would crumble him. One wrong move and it would be gone. He would be gone.

"Oh, Draco..." The sudden lump in your throat blocked the rest of your words. Your heart thudded uncomfortably against your ribs as you watched tears finally spill over his lashline.

"Just once," he rasped, "Please, (Y/N), only once."

"I love you," you whispered.

"Thank yo--"

"I love you," you said again, pulling his face into your hands. "I love you. I love you."

"Enough," he said in a low, wavering voice.

"No. I love you. I love you. I love you."

"Stop. Don't say it anymore. I don't deser--" he whimpered.

"Hush, I need to say it as much as you need to hear it," you said between your three-word chants.

Hot tears dripped between your fingers as he tried to twist his face away from you so you couldn't see them. You kept him there. Face cradled in your hands for the first time in years, forcing him to hear over and over again that you loved him. That you always had and always would. That he'd always have a place next to you should he want it. You said it until your voice became raspy and your words too muddied to decipher clearly. By the time your voice gave out, Draco was sagging against you, holding your hands to his cheeks with his own, and crying in earnest. So were you.

"I love you, Draco Malfoy, and I'll say it as many times as you'll let me," you said. It was uncomfortable to speak anymore, but you couldn't quite seem to stop.

"You will?" he asked in a small voice.

"Yeah," you replied.

"Can I--Do you-- Am I allowed to say it back?" he asked. Smiling, you bumped your forehead against his fondly.

"Only if you want to," you said.

"I love you. Oh God, I love you." The relief in his tone was palpable like that one last weight was lifted off of him. Then, he crushed you to him in a hug you'd remember as the beginning of your life together. Really together. No more skirting around one another. No more holding each other at arm's length. Finally, just being in love. Though, in that moment, you simply laid down next to him and told him you loved him one more time.

[alberivh]

Hii I hope ur requests are still open :")

If yes may I request an angst with Diluc and reader who is a fatui member?

Reader always wanted to tell Diluc about that theyre a member of the fatui but feared the out come since they know how much Diluc hates the fatui. One time reader was on a mission with some other fatui members and Diluc somehow was there and wanted to defeat them (he didn't know that it was reader cuz theyre wearing a mask) when he hurt them badly and almost wanted to kill them he heard them saying smth and thats when he noticed it was them

(U can choose how it ends since I hv too many ideas TT)

Also sorry if my English is a bit trashy-

incoming guilt

summaries : fate couldn’t be change and you know it, falling in love with the darknight hero of the nation of freedom is a sin for those who could only bow their heads to their god’s.

characters : diluc x GN!Reader

contains : angst, major character death, injuries, scars and burns, blood, angst with a light ending, comfort/hurt

side notes, thank you for requesting! I really love your ideas and it motivates me to do more of these type of tropes. Once again thank you very much! Hope you enjoy this!( this isn’t the best i could wrote but i hope you could still understand this in some-ways)

when diluc saw you unconscious in his arms because of the harmful burns and fatal cuts he committed to your once-flawless skin, he only wanted to apologize to your being for not being an-understanding partner he is. He wanted to tell you how much you meant for him although you were now conscious in his arms. Leaving him with 2 memories, death and love. i’m sorry for everything, it’s his only plea to keep you ‘alive’.

It was all back in the last 2 hours of your argument with him. Or should i say..a suspicious fatui maiden and the darknight hero himself. They are fighting over something the fatui nor monstadt could ever explain. No one could spotted both you and diluc fighting traces obviously, it was 11 PM, everyone have set tucked onto their bed watching their once favorite television show and sleep. But now, you were fighting your lover so he could see the side meaning of you who never want to do this painful job nor even wanting to explain why you apply to this job. bounties opression they said, it’s the main reason you’ve apply to the fatui.

Diluc knew something was up, he saw the glances of this one fatui hesitating to attack him. It was you, but he never knew that. You keep defending from his attacks and it pissed him off. As so he decided for the better good of monstadt and his deep intels, he gave you a blow of a fatal cut and burns in your chest. It blast out from your defense as it was burned onto the skin of your throat and chest. Making a big dark circlet and droplets of blood by your skins. Making sure you’ll spoke the truth to him other than hesitating to attack nor spoke to him clearly.

He pulls your hair into a tighter pull, to bring you stand and confess your explanation. it hurts you, it really does. But how should you refuse this treatment? You have no chance to discuss it with him, After-all you’re just a suspicious looking fatui in his eyes. You must accept this treatment even if it meant for you to groaned in pain afterwards. he is a merciless knight in the dust of the dawn and you should’ve known this better than the other recruits does.

of course, you aren’t prepared to die aren’t you? Especially in the hands of your lover. Isn’t that too tragic for you to die.

“my love..i’m so sorry for everything..pllease let me rest and apologize..”

you plead, holding your dearest life onto the choking pain of his tighten grip of your hair. The cuts and burns on your chest worsened in each seconds, it scared him.

“….i simply do not have time for this, speak the truth of your hesitation a—“ , he heard ‘this suspicious fatui’ hopeless hoarsing voice. He couldn’t continue his silent, knowing this voice was to oddly similliar to his lover. He was confused, too confused to ever let you go from this grip. why must you join them?

“I’m in too much pain diluc..please- i’m sorry..i’m sorry..”

as he realized in no time after hearing your hopeless plea, he came onto your side and catch your exhausted body in a second. It was you all along. the one who hesitates to fight him back nor even to harm him back. You have no intention to fight him yet a murderous aura around you have made him uncomfortable by the true nature of you with these infamous masks. You’re probably crushed in the face if you didn’t plead yourself to have him give you a mercy.

“please stay like this…you’re so warm..i could hardly forgive myself to let you act like that..”

“i-i’m sorry i didn’t mean to blo—“

“It’s fine…you did the right thing my love..”

A guilt trips onto his head. He was blowing you a cut and you don’t mind. He was burning your skin and you could only hopelessly wish he could gave you more time. How stupid it is for you to even forgive his action?

“…at least let me rest in your lap love..embracing me wouldn’t work…i’ll just fade at the end..”

You chuckled through out diluc panics and crawled your scarred-body onto his trembling lap, what a warm bed. It scared him, it scared him that you’ll be gone as soon as you laugh your pains of. You were you, and he knows it. You don’t want him to bare your pain, you prefer him to love you and forgive you for your inflation. You want him to know how much you love him despite harming you into numerous way.

Harmless lullaby comforted diluc ears and spine , you were humming his favorite song. To remember, you said. You were hurting and he could see it, yet the herbals he crushed for your injuries couldn’t cure anything but harmed you even more.

“I loved you, so much..and too much..sorry for being selfish diluc..everyone have their reason so do i am..”

“take my vision…you shouldn’t buried a sinner alone…you are loved diluc, by me or those memories..”

The vision blurred it lights into a thin air of memories. your eyes sorrowed, Closing it eyelids like it was meant to be. Unconsciously Sleeping in his lap, growing a smile of regrets and tears onto your fallen face. while diluc throat start to grow harsh and dry, he was fallen out of balance. He’s desperate, too desperate to ever letting you go. You left him with clear confusion and guilt, are you happy with this choice?

“I haven’t told you how much i love you..”

You were buried by his hands and his embrace, he guilt trips himself until the age of new monstadt. He couldn’t see your figure, yet the vision of you he kept inside his pocket are a resemblance of his guilt and regret towards your death. Blurry sight of his memories causes him to forget the small slight structure of your well being. It hardens him to forgive himself even now.

“wish i could still remember those smile of yours, love..”

[misteria247]

Night Raven College was a lot different from what you'd remembered. Then again after six years of not seeing it, it was bound to change in some way. While the buildings remained the same it was quite clear that the Ramshackle Dorm had changed. Following closely behind Grimm with Elliott trailing behind you, you couldn't help but stare at your old dorm in awe. The once somewhat decrypted building was now somewhat restored, the grass area was kept clean and the garden by the graveyard in the back was in full bloom. As you looked at your old home in stunned silence, your beloved son Elliott peeked his face from behind you to get a better look. His bright green eyes seemed to sparkle as they landed on the graveyard and with it it's massive gargoyles that sat on display.

"What is this place mama.....?"

Elliott asked his tone curious and full of wonder. Grimm was the one who answered his question.

"This is Ramshackle, me and your mom's old dorm. Back in the day she was my minion, helping me become the greatest mage within our school!"

Grimm said with a large smirk. You rolled your eyes at the feline's words but didn't bother to correct him. Elliott's eyes seemed to widen even more, making your heart twist slightly as the expression made him look so much more like his father. Even though he had your luscious (H/C) locks, everything else was completely his father's. Grimm seemed to do a double take at Elliott his ears flickering.

"Wow.....he really does look like him doesn't he?"

Grimm asked sounding slightly dazed. You gave him a small smile feeling a sense of pride hit you.

"He definitely has his looks doesn't he?"

You mused much to your son's confusion. Grimm just gave you a small look and led the two of you into the dormitory. As soon as you stepped inside you were ambushed, three familiar ghostly figures coming at you, Grimm and Elliott. Your son let out a startled shout as he clung to you while you jumped before smiling brightly.

"Is that anyway to greet me?"

You asked somewhat teasingly. The ghosts froze before their faces broke out into large grins.

"(Y/N)!!"

They cried in joy quickly surrounding you to welcome you back. Elliott clung to you tightly obviously uneasy and you were quick to break it up. Three confused faces glanced at you before catching sight of your little one. Bringing Elliott gently in front of you, you gave them a smile.

"This is my son Elliott. Elliott these are the ghosts that me and Grimm roomed with while I stayed here."

You introduced them. Elliott shyly clung to your hand feeling suddenly put on display. The ghosts took a good look at your child their eyes widening.

"He looks like your one friend!"

The first ghost exclaimed in shock.

"Is he....?"

The second one asked tilting his head towards you. You gave him a nod to confirm his question and were met with startled looks. Before anymore questions could be asked Grimm stepped in.

"Speaking of Elliott, would you three keep an eye on him? I need to speak to my minion here."

Grimm said his tone surprisingly mature sounding. The ghosts were quick to agree and with an encouraging push from you for Elliott along with a thinly veiled threat to your old roommates regarding your son's safety, the trio left dragging Elliott along with them to show him around the Ramshackle Dorm. Once you were completely alone Grimm all but turned to you his gaze serious.

"(Y/N) how are you going to keep him a secret?? Just from one look alone anyone can tell that he's Tsunotarou's!"

The monster feline exclaimed startling you slightly. You couldn't help but feel a sudden sinking feeling hit you. You knew that in reality it wasn't possible to keep Elliott's existence a secret like you'd wanted to. It was nearly impossible to given that much like his father, Elliott had a tendency to disappear and explore different places. Anyone in Twisted Wonderland could see him and quickly connect the dots of who exactly his biological father was, given how famous Malleus was in this world what with him being the literal king of the Valley of Thorns. But the illogical side of you wanted to try. You wanted to keep Elliott's existence quiet, you wanted to keep him safe from the possible dangers that he could face should he be discovered. Not only that but you were afraid.

You had no idea how Malleus would react to the knowledge of having a son. While in your heart you wanted to believe that he'd love Elliott you knew that logically it might not be the case as much as the thought crushed you. What would he even say? Would he even accept Elliott as his son? What would those of his kingdom think? That their beloved king technically had a bastard child, who wasn't only part dragon fae but part human as well? What if......Malleus had already moved on? It'd been six years after all and a lot could happen in six years. For all you knew Malleus could already be married and have several children, having completely forgotten all about you and the feelings you both shared (the thought nearly made your heart shatter into pieces and your throat tighten). As if sensing your thoughts Grimm put a paw on your cheek. You blinked back the sudden sting in your eyes and sniffled.

"I.....I know I can't keep him a secret but Grimm it's.....it's been six years. What me and Malleus had.....is probably long gone. I can't just barge back into his life and tell him. It wouldn't be fair to him....."

You said sounding somewhat desperate. Grimm gave you a small saddened look before turning away, biting his lip.

"Well.....you may have to....and rather soon....."

Grimm said trailing off. You stiffened slightly at his tone, the sinking feeling you'd been feeling getting bigger.

"Grimm......what do you mean soon....?"

You asked nervous and slightly on edge. Your companion gave you a somewhat guilt filled expression.

"Well there's a reason why I'm here......the Headmaster Crowley has invited everyone from our old classes back for a reunion. So......Tsunotarou might be here sometime soon....."

Grimm mumbled ears flickering nervously. You on the other hand had seemed to stop functioning, barely able to process what Grimm just revealed to you.

'Malleus was coming back......Malleus was going to be here......he's going to see Elliott.....!'

The thought made you snap out of your terrified stupor and with an almost panicky response you grabbed Grimm and shook him slightly.

"Why didn't you say anything sooner?!?! For hell's sake Grimm!!! I've got to get Elliott and we need to leave now-!"

You were cut off mid panicked rambling by one of the ghosts.

"(Y/N)!!! We're so sorry!!! We only turned around for a moment-!!!"

The ghost exclaimed sounding extremely upset. You turned towards him, the world seemingly tilting as you realized that Elliott wasn't with them.

"Where's Elliott....?!? Where's my son?!?"

You asked fear creeping into your voice. The ghost flinched guilty before finally answering your question.

"We....we lost him."

That one sentence threw your world into chaos.

~~~~~

Being a magical being had it's perks, especially when you wanted to go off and explore. For Elliott it'd been an easy task for the six year old. Now said child was currently walking around what was considered a courtyard, taking in the sights and sounds. Despite being nervous and on edge from this whole endeavor, the fae child couldn't help but want to explore the place. It was rather large and vast and had many things a young boy his age wanted to see. Walking past the fountain he caught a glimpse of a pathway that was lined with statues. Curious he changed his course to explore the pathway, taking in the strange statues that decorated the trail. The first statute was that of a woman. Her stature was short and somewhat stout, a large, strange dress covered her. The gown was covered in hearts and in her hand was a small wand with the same pattern. A strange dark spot covered one of its corners, almost as if it'd been burned at one point. The second statute was that of a lion, its fangs pulled up into a sinister grin and a lone eye was covered in a jagged scar.

The third statute was that of a woman whose lower half was of that of an octopus, a piece of paper held in her grip. The fourth statue was a man dressed in robes and a turban, a staff shaped in the likeness of a snake held in his boney grip. The fifth statute was of a beautiful woman who carried an apple in her hand. The sixth was of a man covered in robes and flames, a sharp toothed smile on his boney face. The last one was of that of a woman, a large staff held in her grasp. A long robe like gown covered her but there was something else about her that made Elliott stop in his tracks to look at her. With wide shocked eyes Elliott sucked in a sharp breath at the sight of her head.

Horns.

She had horns, just like him. Without thinking about it Elliott removed his bangs from his face, revealing the small horns that grew from his forehead. Touching them he looked at the statue, a sudden feeling of confusion and awe hitting him. Elliott wasn't the only one who had horns. There was someone out there who had them too. It blew his mind, questions racing about in his head.

Was there anymore like her? What was she? Was she someone his mother knew? Did......did his father know her?

Elliott didn't know much about his father. His mother rarely talked about him, getting upset whenever the subject was brought up. All Elliott knew about his mysterious father was that he was someone who his mama loved more than anything in the world and that he could use magic just like him. Everything else was a mystery for the small child. Elliott felt his heart sink as he recalled all the nights he'd hear his mother's quiet sobs when she'd thought he was asleep. The lingering sorrow that always seemed to surround her no matter how hard she tried to hide it from him.

'And now mama's gonna be even more upset because you brought her back here. You don't even know if your papa is even here.'

The nasty thought made his chest hurt. He'd only wanted to make her smile, and while she'd been smiling quite a bit since they'd gotten here, his mother had also looked uneasy. Like she was expecting something bad to happen. Seeing his mother like that made him want to protect her even more, especially from this mysterious Tsunotarou the cat Grimm had mentioned. Getting lost in his thoughts the child hadn't noticed the sudden shadow that covered his form until a voice spoke up.

"Oi what's a kid doing here??"

The voice made him jump, the boy whirling around to see who had spoken. Having moved so fast he'd accidentally tripped over his own two feet causing him to fall into the statue and scrape his elbow against it. Pain shot through it and the scent of copper filled his nose. Elliott felt himself start to tear up and before he knew it he'd begun to sniffle. The owner of the voice, a young man quickly grew panicked at the sudden tears.

"O-oi! Are you alright?! I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you!"

He said panicked as he bent down to help Elliott up. As he reached out to grab him Elliott took notice of the man through his tears. The man looked to be at least a few years younger than his mother, large reddish brown eyes gazed at him with concern and guilt. Over one of his eyes was a heart that decorated his cheek, and his head was covered in unruly red hair. Elliott let out a loud hiccup as he tried to get his crying down, however given the stress and sudden injury he'd received it was rather difficult to. The man meanwhile watched him, uncomfortable and lost when another voice called out.

"Oi Ace! What are you doing-is that a kid!?! What did you do to him???!!"

The second man asked sounding instantly protective and scolding. The first man Ace sent a panicked look at the other man gesturing towards Elliott in an lost manner.

"I didn't mean to! I startled him and he got hurt and I have no idea what to do!"

Ace said panicked. The second man let out an exasperated sigh and with a practiced ease took over for Ace.

"It's okay little guy, we're not going to hurt you. My name is Deuce. Deuce Spades and this is Ace Trappola."

The man Deuce introduced himself. Elliott sniffled gazing at him before muttering back in a shaky manner.

"Elliott.....my name is Elliott."

Elliott said. Deuce gave him a small smile, helping him up the rest of the way to his feet.

"Elliott that's a cool name. Tell me Elliott are you lost? Do you know where your parents are?"

Deuce asked somewhat concerned. Elliott froze when he realized that he was indeed lost making him get upset again. At the small cry Deuce gave him a small hug, picking him up and holding him close.

"Hey, hey it's okay! No need to cry! It'll be alright we'll help you find your parents okay?"

Deuce said soothingly. Ace gave him a baffled look.

"We will???"

Ace asked only to be met with a dark teal gaze. Realizing that Deuce was serious he bit back his groan of frustration.

"Yes we will. Elliott do you know the name of your parents? Maybe me and Ace can help you find them quicker."

Deuce asked rubbing his back. Elliott gave a rattling breath and nodded.

"I.....I know my mama's name....."

He said in a watery way.

"That's great! Can you tell me her name?"

Deuce asked. The duo listened carefully as Elliott pulled himself together somewhat, unaware of the chaos that they'd be met with.

"Her name is (Y/N)."

*I know I'm supposed to be on hiatus but after doing the Thirteenth chapter for the Princess and her Dragon I was struck with inspiration for our lovely little family of two. I can't help but treasure my twst children sgdgdgdgg. Anyways sorry it's so short and crummy, but I hope it'll bring y'all some entertainment!! Anyways if any y'all read this I hope you enjoyed it!!!! Now back to my hiatus. But first!!! Tagging list!!!! @genshin-idiot @ditsy-anime-thot @ctannth @reaperfeels.*

[ladyartemesia]

The Secret

◐ PART IV of THE ALPHA ◐

◐ Part I ◐ Part II ◐ Part III ◐ Series Masterlist ◐

Pairing: Alpha Werewolf Jimin x Omega Reader

Rating: Mature (for this installment)

Warnings: ABO sexual dynamics including discussion of scenting, marking, mating, and claiming. Violence and discussion of violence relating to ritual combat. Jin’s pheromones need their own warning. Yoonji and Yunli are not the same person.

Word Count: 3600

Author’s Note: This update literally made me sob because I edited it and formatted it and it just disappeared when I posted. I seriously felt my heart drop because it took so long to format... ANYWAYS I wonder if anyone guessed the secret.

”You can’t do this, Luna ... Come back inside.”

Your hand tightened on the doorknob.

“I was just going out for some air-”

Jin shook his head, letting his lanky frame collapse onto the overstuffed chair by the fireplace. 

“And after the air... then what?”

Your terse silence was confirmation enough. 

He sighed heavily, hating himself a little for what he had to do. 

“You cannot go to him. They’ll smell you on his skin and it could cost him... dearly.”

Your eyes fluttered shut.

“I just wanted to see him...,” you whispered. “I wanted to talk to him just once before-”

A sob bubbled up in your throat and your hand flew up to cover it. 

The dawn would come in two hours. 

And then Park Jimin would be gone. 

Jin’s arms wrapped around your shoulders and you fell against him hopelessly. 

“They’re going to make me watch, Jin-ah. I-I have to watch him-”

Bitter tears overtook you, wracking your body with the violence of your despair. 

“I know...,” he murmured softly into your hair, “I know.” 

“Do you think he’ll really show up?”

The chief elder glared fiercely at the young man who dared voice such a question. 

The entire pack had jammed themselves into the clearing where the challenge was taking place and despite the solemnity of the occasion, the atmosphere buzzed with barely contained speculation. 

“Park Jimin was chosen by the goddess herself to be her champion or to be the divine test of her champion. Have some respect,” he hissed. 

The young pup had the decency to look abashed, but the chief elder was already ignoring him in favor of the newest arrival... 

A Luna wore only three ceremonial colors at any given time. 

Green for celebration and harvest was worn in times of laughter and gaiety. 

Blue for mourning and peaceful resolve was worn in times of trial and hardship. 

Red for passion and vengeance was worn in times of war and signified the sacred bonds that wove the pack together. 

Your mother laid out a blue cloak as it was the color chosen by every Luna who had ever faced down a provocatione ritual.

But you arrived in sumptuous Red. 

It was a stunning act of defiance, a wordless declaration of your fury. You were here to obey the goddess, but in a crimson cloak you would not embrace this challenge with peaceful resolve. 

An attack upon your mate, even under these circumstances, was an attack upon you. 

You had come dressed for war. 

Jimin heard the gasps echo around his meditation cell.  

He and Namjoon arrived at the sacred circle a full hour before dawn and sequestered themselves in the small, free-standing hovels on opposing sides of the the site. 

The tiny pods were spaces for an individual to commune with the goddess and center themselves before engaging in the typically life-altering events that brought them there. 

Sometimes it was marriage or celebration, sometimes it was acceptance to one of the guilds or a promotion to a higher rank within your family’s clan...

Today it was life and death and the future of the pack that weighed upon the combatants’ shoulders. 

The sudden swell of movement and sound pulled Jimin from his meditative state. 

What happened? 

He got his answer soon after an elder came to escort him into the circle. 

It was you. 

Your hands and feet were bound to the ornately carved chair they had seated you in. This was a typical precaution because it was natural for a wolf to defend their mate if they were in danger and the restraints kept the Luna from doing so. 

The pain in your gaze was agonizing, but in red, flowing down from your shoulders with fiery obstinance, you were every inch the warrior queen. 

Yet it was not your rebellious cloak or even your incredible beauty that caused his heart to pound and stutter in glorious shock...

It was the familiar praesidium bracelet wrapped around your wrist; an intimate message of devotion that he and he alone would understand. 

Pride and possessiveness roared to life in Jimin’s chest. 

She’s mine.

“You look... surprisingly calm.”

Taehyung jerked guiltily. 

“What? Me? I don’t know anything - I mean I’m not calm - I’m frantic. I - I don’t even understand the question.”

Yoongi’s eyebrows raised right up into his hairline. 

“Taehyung-ah? Did you put those special mushrooms in your broth this morning? You’re acting a bit strange-”

“No,” Taehyung’s voice cracked. “This is me - this is totally normal me. I’m not - there were no mushrooms-” He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “So - uh - how’s Yoonji?”

“Oh my go- really?!” 

The chief elder began to recite his speech, reminding the pack of the profound significance this moment carried...

But Yunli could barely hear his words over the ringing in her ears. Her gaze fixed on Namjoon from the moment the elder brought him forward... yet he had not glanced toward her once. 

He looked so strong and confident. 

So capable of victory. 

A faint whimper of abject sorrow worked its way passed her lips and Namjoon’s eyes flew to her instantly. 

As if he had always known exactly where she was. 

Longing split his features for a fraction of a second. 

Then his gaze shuttered again and Yunli’s wolf howled in silent, mournful agony. 

Anticipation bore down upon the assembly as the chief elder uttered the last few sentences with reluctant finality. 

The moment had come.  

Both alphas stepped into the circle. 

You began to tug frantically - futilely - against the bonds. Jin’s hand gripped yours as a tear slipped heedlessly down his cheek. 

“I’m sorry,” Namjoon whispered - to you - to Yunli - to Jimin -

To himself. 

Then his claws lengthened to a deadly point and he tore forward with a chilling snarl. 

Jimin remained unnaturally still, watching his rival barrel towards him with almost calculated intent. 

Namjoon’s arm drew back to land the first strike and- 

———◐———

Last Night...

———◐———

“Wait - WHAT?!”

“It was... me. I broke the table.”

Taehyung drew back slowly. His eyebrows furrowed in profound confusion. 

“With what? A jackhammer!?”

Jimin tilted his head in amusement. 

“Hammerfist strike... actually.” He shrugged. “I lost my temper.”

“You - You lost your-“ Tae began shaking his head rapidly. “Is it a spell of some sort?! Goddess you know better than to get tangled up with witches! You let them give you a band aid and then they show up ten years later asking for your firstborn!”

Jimin rolled his eyes. 

“Of course not! No... it’s...” he bit his lip. “You remember that time I came to your house a little too early and... Yoonji had you tied to a bed...”

Tae paled. 

“We agreed never to speak of that.”

“And I haven’t - spoken of it - especially since Yoongi still thinks his precious baby cousin is unaware of big bad boy wolves and if he found out you were corrupting her-”

“Wait. You think I was corrupting her?!“

“The point is... it’s a secret. And I know you have your reasons for keeping it that way so... I hope you’ll understand what I’m about to tell you...”

———◐———

Fourteen Years Ago...

———◐———

Jimin’s hands fidgeted nervously over the flyer that the human boy offered him. 

“But I’m only in Seoul for the summer.”

Just long enough to miss Alpha Camp entirely. 

“That’s perfect because it’s only a summer program. Seriously, you were so fast catching that jar I knocked over. Your reflexes are amazing and it looks like you’ve got the perfect build for it too.” He tapped the flyer for emphasis. “Think about it.”

No one had ever told Park Jimin that he would be good at anything like this. In fact most people told him he needed to be better...

Bigger. 

Stronger. 

His eyes traveled over the large letters printed at the top of the brochure. 

“Taekwondo...”

——◐——

“...so thank you all again for signing up and attending the orientation. I will see you tomorrow for our first class.”

A strange sense of anticipation hummed through Jimin as he gathered his coat. He was finally doing something for himself; something that had nothing to do with being an alpha-

“You’re a wolf, aren’t you...”

The young instructor who gave the initial demonstration and spoke for most of the orientation stood behind him with his arms crossed.

Jimin’s eyes widened in shock. 

“How did you know?”

The stranger tapped his nose. 

“My grandfather had a human mate and his pack exiled him for it. I’m mostly human, but this nose can pick up another wolf’s scent just as well as yours.”

Modern packs didn’t exile wolves with human mates anymore, but fifty years ago the practice was still unfortunately common. 

“I’m sorry about your grandfather.”

The young man smiled. 

“He lived a long happy life with his mate and his family. There’s nothing to be sorry for.” He stretched out his hand. “Lee Taemin.”

“Park Jimin.”

They shook firmly, and Taemin continued to examine him with unconcealed interest. 

“Tell me, Park Jimin, what’s an alpha wolf doing all the way out in Seoul? The only pack around here married their last child into one of the mountain nations years ago.”

“That was my mother, actually... I’m here visiting my grandmother.”

Taemin tilted his head curiously. 

“I’ve never known wolves to be interested in human martial arts. You lot prefer to fight shifted... In fact, I doubt a mountain wolf could even throw a punch,” he snorted, “not that they’d need to with those fangs.”

Jimin’s shoulders fell a little. 

“So... you don’t think I’ll be good at it.”

“On the contrary, I think you could be incredible.”

The young wolf’s face brightened immediately. 

“Really?! Even if I’m not as strong as other wolves?”

“Taekwondo isn’t about strength. It’s about speed. Master the speed and the strength will follow.”

———◐———

“Relax your body. Focus your energy.”

Jimin drew in a deep breath as he moved  through the pattern Taemin taught him. 

“The power and speed of your wolf is constant, but most wolves do not bother channeling it in human form. Concentrate on your wolf and bring that power into your strike.” 

His hand came down on the thin press wood and-

It hurt. A lot. 

Taemin chuckled as Jimin cussed and swore, cradling his tender fist grouchily. 

“You’ll get it. Just keep practicing.”

“Are you sure I’ll be able to break the boards one day?”

The boy’s face was so round and adorably hopeful. Taemin nodded confidently and offered him some ice. 

“A human with training can break boards, but a wolf who harnessed his natural speed and strength could break much more than that.” 

———◐———

Twelve Years Ago...

———◐———

“You’ve improved a great deal since last summer. Were you finally able to find a teacher near your pack?”

“Yes - but... she’s not as good as you.”

Finding a local Taekwondo teacher had been the easy part. 

Constantly making up excuses to explain his habitual disappearances... 

That was trickier. 

His mother thought he was hunting with Taehyung, Taehyung thought he was sniffing around some human girl and needed a buddy to cover his tracks. 

Sneaking away to practice wasn’t too difficult, but he panicked when Yoongi caught him moving through forms in the woods once and pretended to be doing an interpretive dance. 

With no music.

Yoongi had looked at him a little funny since then. 

Taemin grinned. “Of course she’s not as good as me. I’m the best. Now take position and let’s see if you can finally land this kick.”

———◐———

Ten Years Ago...

———◐———

Jimin glared at the thick oak board Taemin sent him home with this year. 

“It’s a 4x6 solid oak plank. I want you to break it before the winter solstice.”

He snorted, positioning the board between the makeshift vices he fashioned to hold it in place. 

“Sure, I’ll just get right on that.”

“...Who are you talking to?”

Jimin groaned internally.

Of course. 

“Hey guys,” he turned to greet Jungkook and Hoseok brightly (while completely ignoring the question). “Where - where are you two headed today?”

Jungkook’s eyes sparkled with excitement. 

“One of the elders is going to teach us how to build traps! He invited all the unmated alphas to go with him past the boundary lines to test whatever we make!”

A familiar embarrassment settled heavily in Jimin stomach. 

“Oh... I uh... I didn’t hear that.”

“I’m sure it was just a mistake that they didn’t call for you,” Hoseok rushed to reassure him. “You could come with us. I don’t think the elder would mind.”

The older boy’s gaze was filled with discomfort... and pity. 

Jimin cleared his throat and forced up a sunny smile. 

“No that’s fine - I have work to do anyways so...”

Jungkook nodded quickly, desperate to escape the unexpectedly awkward conversation. 

“Have fun!” he shouted, already beginning to jog away. 

Jimin watched quietly as their figures grew smaller, waiting till their clumsy steps no longer disturbed the stillness around him. 

He should be used to it by now... 

The passive rejection. 

It shouldn’t bother him anymore. There was no malicious intent... just casual dismissal again and again and again-

An angry roar tore past his lips as he brought his hand down on the board. 

It cracked in half. 

———◐———

Eight Years Ago...

———◐———

“It’s strange but - I feel like the better I become at this, the stronger my wolf is.”

“That isn’t strange at all. You and your wolf are two halves of a whole. The more you balance your energy, the more your strengths can be shared. Now - stop stalling and get to it.”

Jimin eyed Taemin’s latest idea with a reluctant groan.

“None of the other students have to break cinder block.”

“None of the other students are wolves. Besides, it’s been 6 years, you’ve broken stacks of boards. It’s time for a real challenge.”

“I’m lucky I haven’t broken a bone,” Jimin mumbled irritably. 

He did that day, but it was healed in a week and he broke his first cinderblock a month later.

———◐———

Five Years Ago...

———◐———

“Remember, timing is everything. Never let your opponent see what you’re going to do.”

“How many times do you think I’ve heard that over the last ten years?”

“Not enough, clearly. You’re still telegraphing with that right foot.”

Jimin’s left hand shot out and connected with Taemin’s jaw.

“Am I?”

Taemin blinked up at him from the floor. 

“Ok. I admit. That was pretty impressive.”

———◐———

Three Years Ago...

———◐———

“Oh! I’m so sorry, I was looking for Jin.”

Jimin scrambled to his feet, dumping the pile of pebbles he collected (for his mother’s garden) noisily to the ground.

“Luna...”

He took a discreet step backward as your gaze scanned the area in frustration. 

“You haven’t seen my cousin, have you?”

Jimin gulped. 

He had seen Kim Seokjin - leading a curvy beta girl (nose first no doubt) in the direction of the old wading pool. It took every bit of self-restraint he possessed not to laugh out loud each time Jin bashfully declared that he was a ‘good boy’ and to ‘be gentle with him,’ - after all, he’d given the same speech to two other she-wolves last week. 

Best not to scar her for life. Some things cannot be unseen.

His mind darted briefly to the scene he’d walked into at Taehyung’s house yesterday.

“I have no idea where Seokjin is, Luna.”

You sighed, gnawing absently at your lip while you considered his words, and Jimin felt a familiar hint of futile longing whisper through him. 

He’d never been so close to you, and now that he was, his wolf was making all sorts of insane suggestions to keep you near. 

Do a backflip. Climb a tree. Build her a house. 

Jimin bent quickly to gather his scattered stones, ashamed at the direction of his thoughts. 

You were so incredibly beautiful...

It was almost enough to make him forget that he would only ever be Park Jimin.  

He couldn’t blame the others for fighting and fawning over your attention like they did. You were the moon and every man around you was drawn in like the tide. 

“Today is my seventeenth birthday, you know.”

Jimin looked up to discover that you had moved much closer and were now looking down at him expectantly. 

He blinked. Twice. 

“I - yes. I did know.”

The entire pack was celebrating. He’d have to be comatose not to know.

“Should I save you a dance, Park Jimin?”

Up until that exact second, Jimin would have bet his life savings that you did not know his name. 

Yet here you were - so very close to him - gazing down into his eyes almost shyly.

He nodded because he couldn’t think of a single reason not to give you anything you wanted. And when you smiled so brilliantly -  he almost believed that you truly wanted to dance with him...

Almost. 

He never went to your party. 

He never danced with you.

Not that day. Not ever.

Because deep down he suspected that if he held you in his arms - even once - he would never truly let go. 

He was sure you wouldn’t notice his absence...  You wouldn’t remember talking to him by the time the evening rolled around. 

He never saw you search the crowds for his face right up until the midnight bell. 

He never saw you turn down dance after dance hoping that the beautiful boy from the forest would finally come and take your hand. 

He was your only wish that birthday. 

But he never knew. 

———◐———

One Year Ago...

———◐———

“I’ve never seen anything like your skill. You’ve long since surpassed me. I’m not sure what more I can teach you,” Taemin smiled, bumping Jimin on the shoulder, “Perhaps you should find a woman and spend a little less time practicing.”

An unwelcome flash of silver eyes and a laugh like sunshine danced through his mind. 

“No. I’m... not really the type wolf girls go for.” 

Taemin snorted. 

“I don’t believe that. Aren’t you an alpha?”

“Yes, but it’s... complicated.”

“Isn’t everything?”

Jimin laughed. 

“Yes, I suppose it is.”

Silence settled comfortably between them as they nursed several bottles of soju on his grandmother’s porch. Taemin had charmed the old hellion quite thoroughly and he would often drop by for a visit even when Jimin was back home with his pack.

“So what will you do now?” he asked. “You can’t compete. I can barely withstand sparring with you, and you’d kill a human - even if you landed a blow at half strength.”

Jimin ran his fingers absently through his hair while he pondered his mentor’s words. 

“I learned to fight because I was searching for something that would help me sort out who I was.” He scoffed. “I don’t know that I’m any closer to that goal.”

Taemin shook his head. 

“No. I think you’ve got it all wrong, Park Jimin. No one achieves what you have without knowing who they are. You’ve always been a fighter and some part of you realizes that.” He sighed heavily and finished off the rest of his drink. “Now I think you’re just... waiting.”

“For what?” Jimin chuckled playfully. 

Taemin pulled out another bottle and met his gaze with a knowing grin. 

“Something worth fighting for.”

———◐———

Now...

———◐———

Jimin remained unnaturally still, watching his rival barrel towards him with almost calculated intent. 

Namjoon’s arm drew back to land the first strike and- 

It was fast. 

So fast it almost seemed like magic. 

One moment the Kim alpha was the barest breath away from a swift and decisive victory-

Then he was crashing backwards onto the dirt. 

Those who watched carefully saw Park Jimin spin into a vicious kick, one that connected solidly with the middle of his opponent’s chest. 

Stunned silence pressed in from every side as Namjoon scrambled back to his feet, his expression wavering wildly between excruciating pain and monumental shock. 

Jimin smiled, letting his razor sharp canines lengthen menacingly as he flowed back into a perfect combat stance. 

“You didn’t think I’d just let you have her, did you?”

Please comment if you would like to be added to the taglist! If you have already asked, you will be tagged automatically in every update. 

Please please please let me know what you thought of this chapter! (*insert puppy face here*) I am so excited to hear what you think of everything that went down in this update and I savor each word of feedback like fine wine. Your theories and commentary have been such a gift. It truly keeps me writing. 

[tteokdoroki]

then they laughed | s.todoroki.

⇝ pairing: shoto todoroki x fem!reader.

⇝ word count: 1.7K

⇝ rating: suitable for everyone.

⇝ genre: fluff.

⇝ summary: you’d never been ashamed of your quote on quote ‘ugly’ laugh but you’re not quite sure what to make of it when your crush mistakes it for mild choking or the one in which shoto todoroki mistakes your laugh for choking in the middle of the school cafetria. 

⇝ warning(s): please read ! fluffy, angst if you squint,  clueless todoroki and mentions of choking ( non-sexual ).

⇝ author’s note(s): why hello there darlings, here’s a little drabble requested by @patricia-ceballos​, i thought this idea was super cute, i’m not sure how i feel about the ending but i had a lot of fun writing. oh and thank you so much for 600+ follows, i love you all. :( <3

⇝ masterlist | requests

you’d always thought that you had an ugly laugh.

it’s not that you were ashamed of it, never that, but you knew the twisted high pitch stream of giggles that passed your sweet unsuspecting lips could be kind of off putting to others. even so, that never put you off from laughing and joking about with your friends— if they truly cared for you, then having a slightly maniac-like laugh wouldn’t be a problem for them.

your classmates at U.A seemed to be those types of people. the good kind that you could trust wholeheartedly— the first time they’d heard you laugh, ochako had chuckled along with you, izuku had thought it was part of your quirk and bakugou had simply asked if you needed a ‘fucking throat lozenge?’  which only made you burst out into more streams of unintelligible giggles.

right now though, you try your best to stifle your giggles while you watch ochako and deku helplessly try to avoid admitting their feelings for one another over lunch. “what’s wrong deku? are you feeling sick?” the sweet brunette asks, almost impossibly close to the latter’s now beet red face. you can tell that he’s flustered by her proximity; the words he wants to say falling flat on his tongue.

ochako blinks for a second— as if to realise her mistake and quickly backs up, drowning in embarrassment and her silly crush on izuku midoriya. the girl stumbles back into iida, giving him only moments to process his now dropped food before he’s scolding them into next week— hands flying through the air while he barks out his complaints. trying not to laugh is becoming unbearably harder by the second, even asui is falling victim to the scene of comedy displayed right in front of your eyes and its not until you look up and meet the confused gaze of shoto todoroki that the dam finally breaks.

“what’s so funny?” the dual eyed boy says so blankly that even he is comical to you. you break out into fits of hysteria, slamming a hand over your mouth as your snorts launch their way across the table. shoto blinks, brows pinching in the centre of his forehead— is there a joke he’s missing? something he said?

the cluelessness of the half hot, half cold boy before you only sends you spiralling into more bursts of laughter— easing the embarrassment off of the two helpless flirters and effectively calming iida down while they join you in your chuckling session. “its...it’s just that—!” you can barely explain yourself, bold snickers punctuating each of your words as humoured tears begin to form in the corners of your dazzling eyes.

todoroki’s mood now shifts from bewildered to concerned, the short wheezes that pass from your pretty lips send shivers of worry down his spine. why is everyone laughing? can no one at the table see what’s happening? standing from his seat, the number one’s son brushes past tsuyu to get to your side— when he reaches you, your eyes sparkle with amusement despite the horrid sounds that leave you and a frown takes over his angekic face.

“don’t worry yn, i’ll help you.”

still trembling with a case of the giggles you have little time to process the dual haired boy’s words before he’s hoisting you from your seat, you think he’s trying to calm you down from the way his heated hand pats on your back ( five times to be exact ) but when his strong arms wrap around you— suddenly pumping your stomach, you realise.

todoroki is performing the heimlich manoeuvre on you.

shoto todoroki thinks your laughter is choking.

heat flushes to your cheeks as shoto moves to pump your stomach again, his broad chest pressed intimately against your back. the snickers from your friends at your lunch table stop— silence sweeping over them and you’re suddenly hyper aware of the stares you draw from other u.a students in the canteen. their judging eyes tear you down and crawl over you, leaving an uneasy feeling to settle in your bones but you’re too paralysed by embarrassment— too frozen to tell todoroki to stop.

you know he only means well, he didn’t know any better and he was only trying to help a friend in need but did he really mistake your laughter for choking? was it really that ugly?  

a fresh set of tears prickle in your eyes, this time however, they’re not laced with the happiness you gain from being around your friends. before shoto has another chance, you pull away from him slightly with a small whimper pours from your flustered form. “stop... todoroki, please— stop...”

the boy’s hold on you loosens, he recognises the broken tone laced with your usually jubilant voice which gives you enough room to make a dash for it. blinking, todoroki turns to his group of friends, confused  as escape the cafeteria and wolfish stares from your fellow students.

“s-she wasn’t choking, todoroki— she was laughing with us.” izuku explains carefully, fidgeting underneath his classmates strict gaze. the shorter feels almost bad for shoto, knowing he’s probably kicking himself for upsetting you even as you flee.

but his worries are soon eased as todoroki races after you.

launching yourself down the corridor, you use the sleeve of your grey blazer to run away the remaining tears that sting at your eyes. students from across all years watch you go by with looks of either annoyance or concern, but you move to quickly to care— throwing yourself into an empty hall and sinking to your knees. the heat of embarrassment blistering underneath the skin of your cheeks doesn’t ease up as you desperately paw at them, frustration intertwining with the air in your lungs… because, because it had been years since you last felt ashamed of your unconventional laughter, because you thought that enough time had gone by for you to no longer feel insecure about it.

you had good friends here at u.a, ones that didn’t judge you for your unusual habit but the scene yourself and todoroki had created back in the canteen only brought on bad memories reminding you of all of your insecurities from the past.  

sighing heavily; you brace yourself to return to lunch with your friends, tripping over flimsy excuses in your mind for your sudden disappearence when a pair of well polished, brown school shoes come into view from over the tops of your knees.

“there you are, ln.” shoto’s voice is warm while he speaks to you, you’d always thought that. its deep like melted chocolate ready to be tempered and somewhat soothes your nervously thumping heart. you can’t bring yourself to look at him, knowing that there’s probably a pink tint to your eyes from where you’ve been crying but the boy with the two-toned hair persists, still wanting your attention. “the others…the others and i, were worried about you.”

you shake your head, fixing your gaze on a lose thread on the hem of your skirt that sits above your knees. “ah!, todoroki! you shouldn’t worry about me…just head back to the cafeteria before your cold soba gets… well, colder!” a frown pinches at the corner of your lips, settling heavily on your face. you don’t even find yourself convincing but hope todoroki believes your hopeless words anyways. “i’ll be with you guys in just a moment.”

but to your dismay, the youngest son of endeavour slides his back down the wall to sit next to you instead.  “did i hurt you?” he mumbles awkwardly. todoroki itches to reach out and comfort you— it seems like something you would do for him but he’s never been good with situations like these.

“no! no shoto,” this makes you look up, catching the light in the cyan of his eyes. the pair of you blush, flicking your gazes away from one another. “i’m fine!”

“were you crying?”

“certainly not!”

“but your face—“

“shut up!”

“not until you tell me why you ran.” god, was he persistent. blunt and straight to the point, was shoto todoroki.

suddenly your feet become more interesting that the boy beside you, a silence sweeping over you both. “because,” you pause, trying to taste the words on the tip of your tongue before you say them. “i was embarrassed! the whole cafeteria heard my ugly laugh and thought i was—“

“choking,” todoroki finishes for you, finally finding the courage to rest an icy hand on your shoulder. “i’m sorry yn, i didn’t mean to make you feel embarrassed about your laugh,” sorrow litters the tail end of the half hot, half cold boy’s words— making them sit heavily in the air. “midoriya explained to me, i really didn’t mean to make you feel that way, i was just worried about you.”

you soften up, finally meeting his gaze once more and sniffle a little— chest warming at his concern for you. “shoto, it’s okay...” you’re quiet in your response, leaning into his cold touch but the dual eyed boy only shakes his head.

todoroki turns to face you fully, shrinking the space between you. he’s so close that you can see the flecks of grey in each of his eyes and feel the warmth from his breath fanning across your cheeks. “even if i can be...socially unaware sometimes, i still don’t want to hurt your feelings. they’re important to me,” he tilts his head, offering you a small smile enough to make a million hearts melt. “and for what it’s worth, i think your laugh is quite cute. not ugly.”

you blink, wondering if you heard him correctly and press a hand to your cheeks that now hear you’ll, as if you’ll be able to cool them down. “y-you think my laugh is cute?”

“yes, and i’d love to hear more of it over dinner sometime.”

his face is as serious as ever while he speaks, but the shine to his eyes tells you a different story as todoroki offers you a hand to stand up. “was that a pick up line, shoto?” you ask, barely being able to keep it together as little shots of laughter litter themselves through your sentences.

“i’m not sure...what’s a pick up line again?” you burst into joyful tears, obnoxious laughter filling the corridors as the boy on your arm guides you to your next class. you care little for the stares that your ugly laugh attracts, just happy that it puts a little smile on shoto todoroki’s face.