#because there's things about b/b that i really want to like

[agoodflyting]

I will also add that this kind of thing is very common with badly socialized teenagers especially. In my experience, the thing they want is for you to a) ask them about whatever trauma they brought up so they now have a reason to infodump about it, at which point you will be very sympathetic and give them lots of validation for whatever their issue is or b) feel bad so and apologize for liking The Thing They Don't Like, which circles back to the validation thing.

This is not to say it's anyone's responsibility to give strangers these things. This is a fundamentally maladaptive behavior that people need to be trained out of. But knowledge is power, etc. In both cases, they have a desperate, grasping, void of need that they're trying to force you to fill - usually because they either have no way to get that need for attention and validation filled any other way or because they don't see you as a person and are used to treating People On The Internet as a validation machine. They say the right words and Validation comes out of the machine.

Another really important thing about internet relationships especially is that our monkey brains are really not wired to deal with the internet. Monkey brain has a hard time conceptualizing that there are people on the other end of this machine. I'm working from memory here, so I may get it wrong, but basically humans evolved to form social relationships and there are a lot of ways to trigger that pack bonding mentality, ESPECIALLY in adolescence, but if most of your relationships are on the internet then your monkey brain doesn't really understand that. It just knows that you get the See Friend Bond Group Us feeling when you are looking at and interacting with this particular device. As far as it's concerned, it's the device you use to access the internet that's your friend. Not the nebulous person on the other end. This makes it a lot easier to just barge right up to some stranger on the internet and infodump all your trauma to them, in a way you wouldn't do in real-life. Because your brain already thinks of them as a Friend because they are on the Friend Machine.

there are no hard rules for human interaction but honestly i think everyone online would benefit hugely from operating under the assumption that, unless you have been given a specific reason to think otherwise in discrete instances, internet strangers do not want to be approached with:

your trauma, illnesses, or deep-rooted self worth issues

any come-ons or sexual content

over-familiar playful rudeness

information about your dnd characters/ocs

disagreements with their harmless subjective opinions

if it is your first time speaking with someone i can not highly enough recommend that these do not be your opening topics

[sanguineterrain]

holiday spirit | jason todd

Summary: Stuck at a shitty office party for your shitty job on Christmas Eve Eve, you’re at your wit’s end. The last thing you expect is to play vigilante for a night with the Red Hood.

Pairing: Jason Todd x fem!reader 

Word count: 7.2k

Warnings/tags: panic attacks, reader has anxiety, creepy coworkers, office party shenanigans, canon-typical violence, jason being both a menace and a sweetheart, attempts at humor, fake relationship, silliness!

the divider

You’re grateful for a reason to escape. Someone announces that the lights on the obnoxious eleven-foot Christmas tree are burned out and you’re already on the elevator, volunteering to find spare lights. 

You hate these office parties. They’re just a way to play politics, show off fiancés, and reaffirm cliques. You wanted to skip it all together. But Mr. Emerson, your boss, had insisted that attending tonight’s party was mandatory.

Alma had told you about a hundred times to skip tonight, but Alma’s worked here since the Reagan administration and has too much pull to be fired. You, conversely, have been here eight months, and if you get fired, your next job is going to be as a henchman for a B-list Gotham villain. 

Being painfully ordinary and anxious is a toxic mix. Your doctor still thinks all your worrying is because of your menstrual cycle. He doesn’t believe in work-related stress.

So anyway. You’re just trying to get through tonight. And find some tree lights that work. 

You unlock the spare office where all the holiday junk is stored and turn on the light. 

The motherfucking Red Hood looks at you, one leg dangling outside of the window and one leg inside the office. He unclicks his harness. 

"Oh my God,” you say, hand frozen on the light switch.

Red Hood pulls his leg in from the window and steps into the office. He puts the harness in a duffel bag and roughly zips it, then tosses it unceremoniously onto the floor. 

"Oh my God.”

He glances at you, helmet eyes glowing. "No God here, just me.”

"Oh my God," you say again, near hysterics. "Oh my God, Red Hood."

"Always nice to meet a fan," he says irritably, brushing snow off of his jacket, flashing his holsters. Oh, fuck. That's a lot of guns.

"What, um—" You close your eyes, lick your lips, try to find your sanity. "To what do I—why—are you gonna kill me?”

"The fuck? You think I'd sneak into an office and kill someone in cold blood? What kinda operation you think I'm running?"

Your mouth opens and closes in horror. "Wh–I... I don't—I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you, Mr. Hood."

"Please, Mr. Hood was my father."

He laughs. You taste bile in your throat. 

Hood sobers. "Damn. Tough crowd. Look, sorry to freak you out, but I got shit to do. If you'll just point me to Hershel Emerson's office, I'll be on my merry way."

"That's m-my boss. Are you gonna kill him?" You can’t handle murder tonight. You’ll have a breakdown for sure. 

"Literally, what did I just say?" Hood throws his hands up. "Not one minute ago. I'm not killing anyone!"

"Yet?" you ask weakly, mind inundated with too many mob movies to watch your manners. You know what the Red Hood is all about. Everyone does. 

"No. I'm not killing Emerson. But he is a bad dude, so I gotta take care of business. Actually, I should kill him. He deserves it."

You squeak in horror. He raises a hand.

"But I'm not!" he says gruffly. "Respectfully, get a grip. You live in Gotham."

You swallow. "What're you gonna do to my boss if not kill him?"

Hood shrugs. "Eh, maybe scare him a bit. Mostly get intel to take him down. He's currently sitting on five million dollars of stolen life savings from clients."

You blink. "What?"

"Yup. What I really wanna know is which of his employees are in on it. He didn't do this alone."

Hood takes out a small roll-up pouch of what looks like lockpicking tools. You release your sweaty death grip on the doorknob, causing it to squeak. Hood doesn't look up.

five million dollars is ringing in your head. That happened here. Where you work. Your boss is even scummier than you thought.

“Is that a lockpicking kit?” you ask.

“Yup. Good eye.”

"This seems... illegal.”

"Well, I won't lie to you, most of what I do is. You won't be implicated though.”

He looks at you. You flinch. Even with the lights on, the Red Hood is scary as shit. 

"Yeah..." he says, shaking his head. "You wouldn’t do well in prison. I can tell."

Your chest hurts. "I don't think anyone does well in prison," you say, eyebrows scrunching. "Have... you been to prison?"

"Only to break out a friend. You ask a lot of questions."

"Sorry. Um, Mr. Red Hood—"

"Ah-ah. Call me Red. Or Hood. No Mister-ing."

"Okay.” You lick your lips, hoping he doesn't go back on his temporary no-kill policy. “Hood, do you think you could come later? After the Christmas party?”

He tilts his head at you. You keep talking. 

“Not that I don't admire what you're doing! Because I think taking down my boss for stealing money is great, eat the rich and all that, but, um, I came up here to get lights to replace the ones that burned out downstairs because that's a normal thing that happens and now you're here, at my job, and I'm freaking out. Oh God, oh my God—”

You grab the wall for stability, feeling like you've been rocking on a boat for hours. Sweat beads on your forehead. This time, you really do feel like you’ll throw up. Throwing up in front of the Red Hood would be humiliating. 

“Look, I got shit to do, okay? I'm sorry you're freaking out but your boss is gonna cash out in a few days and then I lose him and that five million. It's now or never."

You should've just stayed home and baked cookies. Fuck being social! This is what happens when you're social: you meet morally gray vigilantes who force you to be complicit with their crimes.

Your cheeks feel wet. Are you crying? Maybe it’s sweat. 

Hood points to the hallway. "Is there a camera outside?"

"Y-yeah.” Your voice is weak. “I think I’m having a heart attack. Can you call security on your way out?"

“Does your left arm hurt?”

“No, but—”

“Are your limbs stiffening?”

“No, but—”

“You’re not having a heart attack. Your speech is fine.”

Hood takes out a few more things from the duffel, then kicks it under a desk with his foot. You wheeze and grab onto the doorknob again. 

It’s quiet for a second. Then— 

“Shit. You're having a panic attack,” Hood says.

"Mm, probably," you say, hunched over like an armadillo. Fuck your stupid doctor. 

There's silence as you wheeze quietly. Then something small hits your head. You flinch and squeal.

"You don't need to throw things at me!" you say, beyond defeated, near tears.

"No, I wasn't—sorry. It's a Warhead. I have one when I'm feeling… not my best. They're s’posed to help occupy your other senses so the panic disappears."

You stare at the candy, confused and suspicious at once. "Is it spiked?"

"Again, what sorta operation do you think I'm running? It's not drugs. Look." Hood unwraps a Warhead and sticks it in his mouth underneath his helmet. You hear him suck on it. "Eesh, that's sour. Okay? No drugs."

So you take the candy from the floor, unwrap it, and pop it into your mouth. The sour taste immediately overwhelms you. It's like your brain resets. You pant through the sour.

"Ough," you say, face scrunching from the taste.

"Yeah, right? Life changing hack."

You suck on the candy desperately and close your eyes, trying to find your breath. 

“It’s okay,” Hood says, stilted and awkward. “Just, uh, focus on your breathing. Exhale longer than you inhale. Breathe through your nose.”

It takes another few minutes, but the feeling passes. Your chest lightens. It’s the quickest you’ve ever recovered from a panic attack. 

“I was just kidding about the prison thing,” Hood says. “You’re not gonna go to jail ‘cause of this, I promise.”

Yeah, but what if you lose your job?

You spit the Warhead into a trash can and smack your tongue a bit. “Are you sure you can’t come back tomorrow night?”

“No can do,” Hood says. “Your boss will be gone by then.”

“It's just that I'm really bad with keeping secrets and according to Google, that's how ulcers form and I really can't afford any sick days off, so—"

You yelp as the door suddenly swings open, hitting your shoulder. You spin around.

"Hey," Bill says, squinting at you. "Where have you been?”

"No!" you yell, and turn off the light. 

Bill stares at you, illuminated by the hallway light. “Uh…”

You clear your throat. "Ahem. I'm fine. It's just taking me a moment to sift through all these decorations. Please return to the party.”

You hate Bill. He’s a sleaze and doesn’t do any work. More than once, he’s trapped you by the water cooler in a conversation about his “smokin’” imaginary lawyer girlfriend.

“If you wanted me to come help you, you could've just said so," he says, reaching for the light, way too close. You don’t like his tone either.

"No!" you yell, blocking the light switch with your hands.

"What the hell? Why not?"

"Because—"

There's a creak from the back. You wince. 

Bill immediately whips his head toward the sound. "Is someone here? Hello?"

He reaches for the light. Again, you block him, swatting his hands away.

"Would you stop—is someone here?"

"My boyfriend!" you blurt.

Bill stops, looking at you. "Your boyfriend? You've never mentioned a boyfriend."

"Well, I have one and he's here."

"Okay. Why can't I turn on the light and see him?"

"Because he's... um..."

You spot the red Santa suit out of the corner of your eye. 

Oh, this is a terrible idea.

"He's changing! He's our Santa for the party. Surprise!" You make weak jazz hands.

Bill looks into the dark where you're pretty sure Hood is hiding. You hope, anyway. Otherwise Bill is going to tell everyone that you're making up boyfriends. "Really?"

"Yeah, really," comes Hood's unmodulated, deadpan reply, and you jump. "Don't turn on the light. I'm naked."

"Oh..." Bill looks queasy for a moment. "Uh—" He looks at you and suddenly grins. "Oh, I get it. You two were having fun before going to the party, huh? Didn't know you were such a wildcat."

"That’s disgusting,” you say. “I would never do that in the office.”

Bill wiggles his eyebrows. "Me-ow. Does the Santa thing turn you on?"

"I'm right here, Bill, and naked or not, I'll kick your ass," Hood says.

Bill pales and quickly backs out of the room. "Right. Sorry. Uh, carry on."

He closes the door. You push your back against it and exhale, heart racing.

"Bill is a shithead," Hood says. 

“How… do you know his name?”

“Employee background check,” Hood says mildly. 

"Oh… yeah, he's been written up a bunch of times for inappropriate behavior, but he's close with Emerson, so he never gets fired."

"Want me to kill him for you? Free of charge."

"What? No! Hood—"

"Oh, relax. I was kidding."

"Uh-huh." You turn on the light. Hood has his helmet on, and his voice is modulated again. "What're we gonna do?"

"Well, I'm gonna go make sure Hershel doesn’t fuck off to Bermuda. The lights you wanted are here, by the way."

Hood tosses you a box of multi-colored tree lights. Then he walks toward you. You plaster yourself across the door.

"Wait! You can't leave. I said that my boyfriend is going to be Santa. Bill will tell everyone. They’ll expect you.”

"I appreciate your quick thinking, but that's a hard pass,” Hood says.

"You can't leave now! Bill's gonna tell everyone I'm a liar and they'll think I was up to something worse in here, like snorting coke."

"I mean this gently: I think you should look into anti-anxiety meds. My brother swears by Xanax.”

“My doctor won’t prescribe it to me,” you say glumly. “He thinks my anxiety is made up.”

“Huh. Want me to kill him? I know a better doctor.”

"Well…” You hesitate, then shake your head. “No! No. Hood, please. They’re all gonna expect a Santa. And when I don’t show up with Santa, they’ll remember that I didn’t participate in White Elephant or any of that other office nonsense that I don’t want to waste my money on. I need this job!”

“They’re not gonna fire you for not doing White Elephant,” Hood says. 

“You don’t know them! It’s a popularity contest.”

But Hood is indeed disinterested in the fact that you'll be the office pariah. Probably because he’s never worked in an office. 

Instead, he ushers you aside without a struggle. Then he turns the doorknob.

"Wait! Wait, listen. If you dress as Santa, you'll have access to the party and offices. You won't have to sneak around. And people get really drunk at these. They'll talk. You can figure out who's helping Emerson steal money."

His hand pauses. He looks at you. You look back, wringing your hands.

"You're pretty crafty," he says. 

"...Thanks?”

Hood releases the doorknob. "Alright, fine. I'll do the Santa shtick.”

“You will?”

He tilts his head. “Should I not?”

“No! No, you should. It’ll be a good disguise.”

He hums. “Sure. But we're in this together now, got it? You blow my cover and we both go down."

"Y-yeah, got it."

Hood heaves a gusty sigh. "Next time, I'm sending Roy in to do this shit."

"Who's Roy?"

"Ah." He holds up a finger. "Too many questions."

He makes a beeline for the Santa costume and then looks at you expectantly.

"Yo. Boyfriend or not, you're not watching me change. Guard the door, Mrs. Claus."

"Oh, right. Sorry."

You turn off the light and go into the hall, shutting the door behind you. It's empty, luckily. You rap your fingers on the box of lights, leg jiggling. 

This is insane. You should just tell Hood you can't do this and let him figure out his own plan.

But then... this would make it easier to find Emerson's crime partner. And you're really sick of Bill being a jerk. You don’t want to be called a liar, or get iced out for the rest of your time here because you didn’t bring Santa. Maybe having Hood be your Santa-boyfriend would make people leave you alone. Which is a crazy reason to stick to this plan, but still. You're trying to find the bright side.

And all those people that Emerson stole from... surely, you have a responsibility to help get their money back and bring him to justice, don't you?

The door swings open. You turn around.

“You wear a mask under your helmet?” 

“As a precaution.” He sounds defensive. “Lots of people in my profession do it.” 

You doubt that. “Don’t you think it’ll be weird if Santa has a mask on?” 

He hesitates, evidently debating between protecting his identity and arousing suspicion.

“Fine.” He carefully peels off the mask and tucks it into his pocket. The surrounding skin is slightly pink from irritation. His nose and cheeks are dotted with freckles. 

And wow. The Red Hood has beautiful eyes. So vibrant and clear, like seafoam. And young! How old is he, anyway? He doesn’t look much older than you, if at all. 

His eyes are framed by thick, dark lashes, and it makes sense, Hood being a brunet.

“What?” he snaps, glaring.

“Nice eyes,” you blurt.

His brows furrow. You remember the guns.

“Um, anyway. Should we go?” you squeak out, backing away.

Hood huffs through the beard. It flutters. "We need to have some ground rules."

"Okay."

"First, you should know that I will shoot if there's a physical threat at this party. Two, you're gonna call me Todd at the party. Three, if you try to tell anyone that I'm Red Hood or that I'm taking down Emerson, I will make your life hell. And if you're his partner, you'd better tell me now or I'm gonna be a lot less jolly."

"I'm not!" you say. "I would never do that. And I won't tell anyone you're Red Hood."

"Good. Let's go. Keep your ears open for hints about Emerson's partner."

He takes off in long strides. You hurry to keep up. The Santa costume doesn't slow him down.

"So how did you find out that Emerson's stealing?" you ask.

"Got a tip. You really didn't know he was stealing?"

“I don’t have access to the finances. I work in user interface. Website design.”

"Yeah? That's pretty cool. I got a brother who's into that stuff," Hood says.

"The same one who takes Xanax?”

“Would you believe it?”

You try to picture Red Hood with a regular family. With a brother or a sister or a father. It's hard to imagine.

“How come you don’t take anti-anxiety medication?” you ask. 

“I have Pit Madness Syndrome, and it has a weird chemical reaction with that stuff.”

“Oh.” Subject change. Quickly! "Do you celebrate Christmas?" 

"Not really. I'm not a believer or celebrator of much. You can see what my plans are two days before Christmas."

"Your family doesn't celebrate?"

Hood just grunts, eyes suddenly stormy. You take the hint and stop talking.

The room where the party is isn't particularly special. It's big enough to fit about a hundred people. For all the money the company makes, you'd thought that they could afford to splurge a little and rent an actual hall. Now you know what the profits have been going toward. But the decorations are decently lavish.

"Oh, wait." Hood leans in to speak in your ear. Lightning shoots down your spine. "I don't know your name."

You give it. He repeats it, and you shiver, like your boyfriend just said your name.

"'Kay. Stay in this room. We don't know how much Emerson or his partner knows, but assume they’re willing to do anything to get away with the money."

You nod. “Got it.”

“Hey, it’s Santa!” Bill shouts from across the room. “He made it!”

You smile tightly. “As promised.”

A few people wave. Others cheer. 

“These people really like Christmas, huh?” Hood asks.

“You have no idea,” you say, hyperaware of his hand brushing your back.

“Don’t think I got your name, man,” Bill says as he approaches. He sticks a hand out. “Bill.”

“Todd,” Hood says, taking his hand and shaking. Bill winces at the handshake. You hide a smile.

“Ah, Todd. Right.” Bill looks at you, trying to subtly soothe his hand. “You’ve never mentioned him.”

You shrug. “Never came up.”

“I’m pretty private,” Hood says, putting an arm around your shoulders. “But we’re very much in love. Ain’t that right, baby?”

“Th-that’s right… honey,” you say, face going hot.

“So what do you do for work?” Bill asks. “My girlfriend’s a lawyer.”

You roll your eyes. Hood snorts.

“There’s no way you’re dating anyone. You look like you got dressed in the dark, Billy.”

You cough your laugh into your arm. Bill’s eye twitches.

“Enjoy the party,” he says icily. He glares at you, then stomps away.

“That was amazing, but I think Bill might retaliate,” you say. 

“Don’t worry ‘bout him,” Hood says. “I’ll take care of it.”

You look at him with big eyes. “Hood—”

“Not like that. Just… it’ll be handled. Okay?”

You nod. Maybe it’s insane, but you trust him. “Okay. Want some punch?”

Hood hums. “No alcohol. Thanks.”

You go to the punch bowl, a little relieved to escape Hood’s piercing ocean-eyed stare. He’s intense. Whoever dates him for real is in for a ride. 

Then again, you can’t imagine Hood meeting someone for coffee or dinner. You giggle at the image of him showing up with his guns and helmet. 

“Hey, IT.” A woman in a white sweater you’ve seen maybe once waves at you. “Cool idea, bringing a Santa.”

“Yeah, Emerson’s too cheap to,” the man next to her says. They laugh.

You smile. “Glad you like it.”

You serve yourself two cups of the alcohol-free punch. Then you turn. 

Your smile falls. Across the room is Hood and Tanya Donaldson, resident shit-stirrer. She’s trying to cozy up to him. You sigh and walk over, bracing yourself.

“Hey, baby,” Hood says, practically dragging you into his side. He takes a cup of punch. “Just met Tanya.”

You can guess exactly how he feels about that.

"Oh, is he your boyfriend?" Tanya asks, eyeing Hood like he's a slab of steak. “I had no idea!”

"Uh-huh," you say. "This is Todd."

She wiggles her fingers, grinning. “So how often do you go to the gym, Todd?” She rests a hand on Hood's arm. "I didn't know Santa was so big and broad."

Your gaze drifts to where you're pretty sure Hood has a gun strapped to his ankle, and the temptation does appear, you won't deny.

But you need this job and it's going to be really hard to explain why Santa's armed and dangerous, so you just grit your teeth. Tanya's the worst for this kind of behavior and she doesn't respect you, so bringing your hunky boyfriend is like dangling a bunch of carrots in her face. 

And it’s not like Todd is actually your boyfriend. 

"Are you flirting with me in front of my girlfriend?" Hood asks, prying her hand off of his arm.

"Flirting?" She claps a hand over her mouth, the movement slightly delayed from all the wine. "No, oh my God! I was just saying—"

"That's really pathetic," Hood says. "Don't do that."

He walks away and you follow, leaving a wobbly Tanya on her own. You smile to yourself.

"Thank you for that," you say.

Hood gives you a thumbs up. "I can plant evidence on her and get her fired if you want."

"No, I don't want to feel damned for eternity. Thanks anyway."

"You have a lot of assholes at your job," Hood says. "But you're not one. I admire that.”

You sigh. "They're not all bad. Alma is cool. She keeps me from quitting.”

"And where is she?"

"At home. She's a sixty-two year old accountant who doesn't care about these parties. Her hip aches when it's cold."

"Mm. Maybe you should follow her lead," Hood says.

"But then who would help you with your spycraft, Hood?"

He allows himself a tiny laugh at that. You wonder how often he laughs. If ever.

“Well, suffering Tanya wasn’t in vain. She said this whole party cost twenty grand.”

“So?”

He gestures grandly. “Does this look like it cost twenty grand to put this together?” 

It's true. The alcohol is the most expensive thing here. No food, except for some people that participated in the potluck, but you don't trust anybody's food here. The decorations are old. Not to mention the Red Hood as your Santa. Your boss might have spared a thousand for tonight. No more. 

“So where did all that money go?” you ask. 

Hood snaps his fingers. “Bingo.” 

“That is so shitty. I got a chocolate-covered pretzel as my Christmas bonus,” you say. 

“A bag of ‘em?” He shakes his head. “Pretty cheap.”

“Ha, no. No, I got one big pretzel. In a box. The box cost more than the pretzel, I think.”

His eyes widen. “Jesus. Even I give more than that to my guys.”

“Got any openings?” you ask, half-joking. 

Hood snorts. “Don't think you'd like what we do. Why d’you stay?” 

You shrug. “Nowhere else to go. I have to eat somehow.” 

“Crappy boss, crappy coworkers, no Christmas bonus. Hell, I feel sorry for ya.”

The Red Hood feels sorry for you. Perhaps you've reached a new low. 

He drinks the punch and coughs. “Ahem, wow. Did you make the punch?”

“No, some people mixed it here.”

“Oh, then I'll be honest. Tastes like a flavor that's not found in nature.” He throws his cup away. You trust him and set your still-full cup on a table.

“I won't even mention the potluck,” you say. 

“Yeesh. Can't eat at everyone's house.” 

“That's what I say!” 

He winks at you. You look away, flustered. 

The crazy thing is, you could get used to this. Well, not specifically Red Hood, but having a boyfriend to bring to these functions, who’ll warn you against gross punch and defend you against Tanya. 

And Hood is surprisingly good at this. If you forget the past hour, you can almost pretend that this is just another office party that you happen to be spending with your new boyfriend. 

"Hey, look! It's Santa! Dude, check me out with Santa!"

One of the finance guys who's very drunk—you want to say that his name is Matt—bounds up to you and Hood. Hood tenses, reaching for his hip (gun!) and you touch his elbow, reminding him to relax. He drops his arm. 

Matt reeks of alcohol, the front of his shirt stained with bourbon. He laughs, forehead shiny with sweat.

"Santaaa, hey, Saint Nick, take a pic with me, man!"

Matt throws his arms around Hood. Hood does not like that and shoves him off accordingly. But Matt doesn't seem to notice and holds up his phone, camera facing front. Hood slaps the phone out of his hand.

"No pictures," he says.

You wince. The guy stares and blinks, taking three to five business days to process what just happened.

"What the fuck, man? That was my phone!"

"Sorry. I'm drunk." Hood sighs like he's physically in pain, then leans back and makes drinking motions with his fingers. "Fuckin' wasted! Did you try those rum shots? Lit, dude!"

The guy cheers up, forgetting all about the phone. "Oh, yeah, for sure! I'm gonna go get one right now! Thanks, Santa!"

"You do that!" Hood says cheerily.

As soon as the guy leaves, Hood returns to his resting scary face.

"Wow," you say.

"I know. I threw up in my mouth a little."

You laugh. Hood grins. Then it fades.

"Damn it. We're getting no closer to finding Emerson's partner. I should just interrogate Emerson until he tells me."

Interrogate makes you feel woozy. You're pretty sure you know what Hood's idea of an interrogation is.

"Wait! We just need to lure them out. If they think their money might be in jeopardy, they'll sneak out of the party to go check on it, right?" you ask.

"Potentially, yes. But how do we lure 'em?"

"There's an alert if someone withdraws more than ten thousand dollars from the company. But I don't have access to the accounts," you say.

Hood smiles slowly. "You don't need it. Remember I mentioned my computer whiz brother?"

"Yeah…” You grimace. “This sounds illegal again.”

"Hell yeah it is. He owes me a favor too. Lemme call him."

You two go off to the side while Hood dials.

"Yeah?" comes a voice on the other end. He doesn’t sound at all like Hood, more like a one percenter from the Diamond District. This is Hood’s brother?

"Aliases only. I need you to withdraw fifty grand from Emerson Corp,” Hood says. 

"Why?”

“‘Cause you owe me a favor. Just do it.”

“Zombie breath.”

“Shortass,” Hood says, voice taking on a distinct older brother tone. 

“You’re such an asshole,” the voice says. He yawns. “B’s wondering if you’re coming tomorrow.”

“I’d rather die again,” Hood says. “And you can tell him I said that.”

“The broody emo bullshit is getting old, dude,” the voice says.

You giggle. Hood looks at you sharply. You press your lips together, properly chastened. Sorry, you mouth.

"Who's that?" the voice asks.

"No one," Hood says. "Did you do it?"

"Chill out. I'm getting past their firewall. So who is that?”

“It’s the TV,” Hood says.

“No, it’s not. That was a lady's laugh, IRL. And you wouldn’t lie if it was someone we know…”

“Mind your damn—”

“I’m helping him with a case,” you blurt. 

Hood throws his hand up, glaring at you. It’s silent on the other end of the phone for a solid ten seconds. Then…

“Holy shit,” Hood’s brother says. “You do have a girlfriend. Wait. Hold on. This is wild. You don’t even have a social security number.”

“I do not have a girlfriend!” Hood snaps, drawing the attention of some coworkers. You nudge him. He exhales through his nose.

“I don’t have a girlfriend, you little fucker,” he says, quieter. “She’s telling the truth.”

“Can I ask your girlfriend a question? Respectfully, what were you thinking? You can do so much b—”

“Text me when it’s done,” Hood growls and hangs up.

You look at each other for a moment. 

“You didn't hear any of that,” Hood says. “Got it?”

“Got it.” 

“Good. Let's see who gets scared. He should do it right about…” 

His phone beeps. You look around the room. 

Soon, your culprit reveals himself. Matt!

Holy shit. 

"He didn't want a picture," Hood says slowly. "He was frisking me! Motherfucker."

"But isn't he drunk?" you ask.

"No." Hood sighs in disgust. "How did I miss that? Br—someone I know does that all the time, spilling alcohol on himself so he smells like he's been drinking. God. Oldest trick in the book!"

"Do you think he knows you're the Red Hood?"

"No. But he might suspect something. Let's go.” 

You follow Matt out of the party. He's walking fast. Yeah. Definitely your guy. 

Down the hallway, Matt turns around and makes direct eye contact with you. You panic. 

“Hood!” you whisper. 

“I know,” he says. “Follow my lead.” 

Loudly, he laughs and puts an arm around your waist. “C’mon, baby, no one’ll know.”

And then you're being herded into a janitor’s closet. 

You stumble in, confused and reeling from how easily Hood plays the affectionate boyfriend role. He follows you in, shuts the door, and pulls the chain dangling from the ceiling. The single light bulb turns on. 

You take care to not knock over any cleaning supplies. You don't see the mop on the floor, however, and you trip backwards on the handle. 

Hood's reaction time is impeccable. He jerks forward to catch you, tugging you back on your feet with his hands on your arms. 

“Y’alright?” he asks. 

“Uh-huh,” you say, mildly mortified. “Thanks.”

He lets go. You shift on your feet. 

“How long are we gonna stay here?” you ask. 

Hood checks his phone. “Well, he should've moved on by now. Let's—”

The doorknob jiggles. You look at Hood in fear. His expression is similar. 

“Pretend!” you whisper, and that's all he needs to understand and move. 

You're expecting your arms around Hood, maybe exaggeratedly feeling him up. You are not expecting Hood to hoist you up by the backs of your thighs and press you against the wall. You squeal, arms shooting out to hold onto his neck. Hood's beard ends up in your mouth and you spit it out. 

The door swings open, revealing a very tipsy couple. 

“Oops!” the woman says, grinning. “Sorry. Carry on.”

The guy gives a thumbs-up. “True love.”

You smile awkwardly. Something is pressing into your hip.

“True love,” Hood deadpans. “Rock on.”

As soon as the door closes, you're squirming. 

“What is that?” you hiss. 

“My gun! Oh my God, it's my gun,” Hood says, quickly setting you down. “It's not…”

He trails off and backs away. You stand there, processing what just happened. 

“That wasn’t—”

“I didn’t—”

You both stop. Hood adjusts his beard. 

“You're really strong,” you say, wringing your hands. 

Hood nods. “Sorry about the, uh…”

“Yeah, let's just not talk about this.”

“Yup. Find Matt?” 

“Absolutely.” 

You open the door and peek out. The hallway is empty. Glory be.

“All clear,” you say, and Hood is on your heels as you sneak out. 

“Any ideas on where he'd go?” Hood asks. 

“Matt works in a cubicle like the rest of us. Emerson’s office is on the twelfth floor.” 

“Fine. We'll hit Emerson's office first. More privacy, and maybe they'll both be there. Two birds.”

“Emerson's office is protected by a password lock. He changes it every night,” you say, scurrying to keep up with Hood. 

“That's fine. I got a key right here,” he says, patting his holster.

“Wait! If the lock is tampered with, it sets off an alarm and security will come. You can't shoot it, Hood.”

He stops and sighs. “Why is everything so goddamn complicated? Alright, new plan. I'm gonna get my stuff from where we were and I'll break in the old-fashioned way.” 

Fifteen Minutes Later.

“This seems really unsafe!” you say, watching Hood dangle outside a three story window on a wire. He's attached to a grappling hook but still. Still! 

“Eh, I died once. Didn't stick. Hold the hook.” 

“I am!” As if you'd do anything but. You don't want the Red Hood to become Red Goo. 

Chilly December wind makes your eyes water and your nose cold. Still, you hold on. 

“Almost there!” he says. 

“Hey! What're you doing?” 

You whirl around and close your eyes due to the flashlight shining at them. Even though the lights are on. 

An elderly security guard glares at you. It's a good thing you're not an actual criminal… though after tonight, you're not so sure. 

“Um.” You try to hold onto the hook while hiding it behind your back. “Bird watching?”

The guard turns off the flashlight and tucks it into his belt. He slowly walks to you. 

“If you're doing something illegal, Miss, you're in big trouble.”

Well, this is fantastic. Of course it would be you that gets caught. 

The guard is getting closer. Your grip is sweaty. He peers over your shoulder. You let go of the hook, praying to every spirit out there that Hood is as good as everyone says he is. 

The guard looks around and scratches his head. You shrug, heart in your throat. 

“See?” you say. “Bird watching.”

He frowns at you. “I've got my eye on you.”

“And I commend you for that.” 

“Are you sassing me?” 

Are you? You might be. You've been spending too much time with Hood. 

Hood! You turn and look out the window. You don't see any red goo below, but it's also cold and foggy. Shit. You hurry to the elevators. 

“Okay, happy holidays, bye!”

The elevator doors open. You press twelve and close the door before the guard can consider getting on with you and shooting you a hairy eyeball all the way down. 

You hurry out and run down to Emerson's office. The door has been left ajar, which is good, right?

Bang!

You throw yourself against the wall. Shit. Maybe not. 

Ugh, you told Hood no shooting! Son of a bitch. 

“We're doing this tonight!” That's Emerson's voice. “I don't care if I have to shoot my way out.” 

Shoot? Oh no.

You carefully peek through the crack. Hood is standing with his hands behind his head. His beard has blood in it. Emerson is in front of him, gun to his head. 

Hood catches your eye. He gives you the tiniest head shake. You swallow. 

You can't just leave him there. 

Okay. Think. Emerson's back is to you. You can't see Matt, but you figure he's far enough away to not immediately shoot you. Hopefully. 

Anyway, what's your other option? The feisty relic upstairs? You can't risk any civilians getting hurt. 

Technically you're also a civilian but not tonight. Tonight you might as well be Batman. 

You slowly pull the door open further. You sneak in, then hide behind the secretary's desk.

“Is it done?” Emerson snaps.

That's when you see Matt in the corner on a laptop. 

“It takes time,” Matt says, obviously stressed too. 

“Well, hurry up!” Emerson looks at Hood. “Then we'll dispose of Santa here.”

Hood shrugs. “You can certainly try. Many have. ‘M still here.”

“Lots of bravado for a man in a costume,” Emerson sneers. “What are you, police?”

Hood groans. “As fucking if! I'm not a cop.” 

He hums. “Perhaps not. Otherwise this place would be crawling with them already. But you're alone.”

“How d'you know I'm alone?” Hood asks. 

You're glad he's calm because you're feeling the beginnings of another panic attack. But you can't panic, not now. The adrenaline pulsing through you is the only thing keeping you from going catatonic. 

You have no weapon, no plan. How the hell are you supposed to help Hood?

“You're bluffing,” Emerson says. 

“He has a girlfriend,” Matt says. “Some IT girl. She might come looking for him.”

“Then we'll take care of her too.”

Matt looks uncomfortable but he doesn't say anything. Hood is still cool as a cucumber. 

“She won't look for me. We had a fight. I forgot to buy the candy she likes.”

Candy? Why would—oh!

On the secretary's desk is a glass bowl filled with mini candy canes. You wrap your hands around it. 

“She knows my favorite,” Hood says, locking eyes with you.

You throw the bowl with all your might. Emerson is too slow—Hood grabs the bowl one-handed and swings it, knocking the gun from Emerson's hand. The candy explodes into pieces. Hood swings again, this time into Emerson's head. The bowl cracks. Emerson crumples to the floor. 

“Are you o—”

Bang! Bang! Bang!

In a blink, Hood wraps one arm around your waist and yanks you to the floor, covering your body. You curl into him on instinct. 

“I got you, I got you,” he says, patting your shoulder. “You okay?”

You nod, words not coming right now. You squeeze his hand. Hood seems to understand and he scoots you both behind Emerson’s desk. Then he loads his gun and cocks it.

“Stay here,” he says, then fires six shots. 

“Goddamnit!” Matt yells across the room. “This wasn't the plan! You're not supposed to be here!”  

Hood laughs, which is absolutely terrifying. “Don't talk to me about ruined plans, buddy. I've been waiting all night for an excuse to shoot somebody. Please make my night.” 

Matt fires four more shots. 

“Fuck you, cop!” 

“What the fuck? Fuck you more! I'm not a fucking cop!”

“Maybe it's the way you stand,” you say, teeth chattering from anxiety. 

Hood squeezes your shoulder comfortingly. “I stand like a cop? Gross. I gotta work on that.” 

“You're somebody!” Matt yells. “You're not just some guy, Todd, don't lie to me. You and that chick from IT are in cahoots.”

You huff. “He knows your name but not mine?”

“I’d take it as a compliment.”

Matt fires again. Hood tucks you behind him. 

“He won’t kill anybody,” he says, with way too much confidence, in your opinion. 

“Oh, is that why he's peacefully shooting at us?”

“He's scared, sure. But he can’t kill. Trust me, I know. Hey, Matt!” 

“What?”

Hood stands up. Your eyes bug out of your head. 

“Hood!” you hiss. “Hood!”

He ignores you, of course. 

“You won’t hurt anyone,” Hood says. He starts walking toward Matt. “You're not a killer, Matt.”

And all this time you thought Hood was sort of sane. Nope. 

“I will shoot you!” Matt warns. 

“Aw. You wouldn't shoot Santy Claus, would you?” 

Matt pulls the trigger. You gasp. It clicks. The magazine is empty. 

Hood closes the distance between them and grabs the gun, then elbows Matt in the face. Matt sprawls onto the floor. 

“Yeah, I don't risk my life on human emotion,” Hood says, loud enough so you can hear. “People can be so unpredictable. I will take a chance on a gun that only fires seven rounds, though. For a guy in finance, you're not very good with numbers, Matty.” 

You sigh in relief, slumping against the desk. After tonight, you're retiring. 

“Y'okay over there?” Hood asks. 

“Yeah.”

It's quiet for a bit. Then Hood returns and offers you a hand to help you stand. You do so on shaky limbs. 

He's got a cut on his eyebrow and a bruise on his cheek. You frown. 

“I'm sorry I let go of the hook. I thought—”

“You let go of the hook?”

You stop. “Um. No?” 

Hood squints at you. “Choosing to forgive you for that.” 

“I knew you were inside the office!”

“Yeah, sure.” 

“I'm not the only one taking risks,” you say. “Matt still fired at you.”

“Eh.” Hood shrugs. “He’s a crap shot. And I counted the rounds. I maintain my point. Factually, he could not shoot me.”

“You could've told me the gun was empty,” you say. 

“I wanted you to think I was cool and brave.” 

You laugh. “I already think that.”

Hood looks at you for a moment, like he’s trying to see right down into your soul. Intense. You cross your arms.

“So, um, ready to ditch this party?” you ask. 

“With pleasure.”

“What about them?” you ask, pointing to Matt.

“I have backup arriving soon. Let's get your coat.” 

You get your things while Hood changes back into his usual garb. He meets you at the back exit, the one that leads to an alleyway, Santa suit gone. The party's winding down and most are getting into their cars. You're grateful no one stops to ask where you disappeared to. 

There's police outside, but they're not here for Emerson. It's Bill that's being questioned by Commissioner Gordon. You stop short at the sight. 

“Hood… what did you do?” 

“Hm? Oh! There might have been some discrepancies in Bill's finances and he might have committed fraud to pay off his gambling debts. All circumstantial, though.”

“Please don't tell me you framed my coworker because he's a jerk,” you say. 

“No, but I'm not above that, for the record. I recognized Bill from when I was casing the Iceberg Lounge. That's where he racked up all that debt.”

You nod slowly. “That's how you knew his name.”

“Yup. He was a nobody, so I didn't bother with him. Had I known he was such a menace at work, well…”

You grin. “It's okay. I appreciate it now.” 

Hood nods. The silence is awkward for a few seconds. 

“So—”

“You don't have to keep working here,” he says. “You can leave if you wanna.”

“Hood…”

He puts up a hand. “Hear me out. I have a contact at Wayne Enterprises. I can get you an interview. Hell, I can get you the job.”

“And what would I owe you?”

He shakes his head. “Nothing. Think of it as a thank you for tonight. You didn't have to help me but you did.”

You open and close your mouth. “I don't… I don't know what to say.”

“Don't gotta say a thing,” Hood says quietly. “If anyone deserves a new year, it's you.”

“Oh.” Your throat feels tight suddenly. “Oh, Hood, that's really—that's nice of you.”

“It's been known to happen. Don't spread it around though.”

“But I don't want the job without interviewing!” you say. “I want to get it on my own.”

Hood nods. “Deal.”

You want to hug him but that seems like too much, even with all you’ve done tonight. So you take out a candy cane instead.

“I salvaged one from the bowl,” you say. “Merry Christmas, Hood.”

He takes it, tucking it into his pocket. “Merry Christmas. Need a ride?”

You shake your head. “I'm fine. See you around?”

“Maybe, maybe not. Stay safe, alright?”

“Oh, I will. Will you?”

He laughs. “No promises.” 

Then you blink and he's gone. You shove your hands into your coat pockets. 

In each pocket, there's a handful of Warheads. You smile.

[sp0o0kylights]

Part One

A large part of the Steve Harrington lore was that he left his throne, his popularity, childhood best friends behind--for Nancy Wheeler. 

This was a lie. 

It wasn’t even one he encouraged--and Steve had done some damage control in the aftermath of that whole thing with the tunnels. 

He volunteered, dropped hints to the right crowd. 

It took time, but eventually, his insistence that he’d changed, left his old crew behind to become a better version of himself, began to stick.

Or at least it did with the people who mattered.  

It took Starcourt for him to realize that wasn’t really the truth either. 

Steve did want to be a better person. He was working actively on being a better person. 

But…

(But he still heard screams from a bus in the junkyard when he slept. Felt fear lick down his spine as he charged in, knowing he was the only thing standing between three dumb kids and a painful, shitty death. 

But he still heard Dustin, full of conviction, tell his friends that Steve was the only person he could find. 

But now he had a “bad” shoulder, a “twinge” in his ribs, and a head that was plagued by migraines, all of which made him look in the mirror and ask himself “What if I hadn’t gone with them?) 

…you couldn’t be there for someone, couldn’t protect someone, if you were too busy playing high school bullies with your friends. 

Robin would likely argue these were simply the reasons he wanted to be a better person, but Robin now ranked as one of Steve’s top 10 personal regrets--even if he was pretty sure they’d become best friends.

Because Steve was the oldest. He’d graduated high school for fucks sake, he should have shut Dustin down the second he realized what was happening was legitimate. 

He absolutely should not have let Robin get involved and Erica--

He can’t even really think about Erica, no matter how much Erica herself argues elsewise. 

At the very least, Steve can admit to himself he protected them in the end. 

Got beat to shit and had to fake his death alongside Hopper to do it, but they all got out. 

Alive.

Unscathed.

Hopefully to put this whole fucking thing past them once Owens finished cleaning house in the government. 

Unfortunately life--and Eddie fucking Munson--was not ready to put anything to rest. 

Munson in fact, seemed hellbent on disturbing what he could--and Steve, wholly haunted by the fact the kids always came to him, couldn’t let him do it alone.

At least, he thought with grim distaste, as he followed Munson’s weaving path to the ruins of Starcout,  he was getting his car out of it. 

xXx

Uncanny valley doesn’t do Steve’s feelings justice. 

Starcourt was laid out in a giant L, and coming at it from the outer edges like he and Munson did means everything looks disturbingly normal. 

Off putting, if only because it’s 10 in the morning and not a soul is in the mall, but otherwise? 

Like nothing ever went wrong.

As they move closer to the center, things begin to unravel. 

It’s not noticeable at first. Not unless you’re looking. The litter on the floor, the little piles of weird looking debris. 

The stains.

Nothing that outwardly screams “something horrible happened here” but it's coming--and though Munson is creeping along just as quietly as Steve is, he knows the guy isn’t on edge in the same way. 

Why would he be? Nothing Steve said had managed to deter him, and given Steve can’t exactly explain what happened or why he’s playing possum, Munson was plenty confident about going forward with his little B&E. 

At least not until they finally turn the corner, and the destruction hits them full force. 

Glass and chunks of plaster cover the ground like confetti. Lights hang sideways or lay smashed on the floor, as do pieces of doors (and railings and half of the entire upper floor.) 

The place looks like something out of a disaster film--which Steve supposes, is exactly what it is. 

If the disaster was supernatural in nature, and also caused by a giant monster made out of the melted flesh. 

(God, his life was weird.)

“What the hell happened here?” Eddie said, eyes wide as he took in the damage. 

Steve tried to imagine what it must look like for him. Looked at the scene and tried to pretend he was someone who wasn’t in the know, who thought the mall had been destroyed by a fire and subsequent structural collapse.

Could almost convince himself one could buy it--if it weren’t for the smears of blood that still stained the floor. 

He stared at said smears, trying to match up which puddle was the one Billy died in, in comparison to all the other stains that the feds hadn’t bothered to remove. 

Recalled the way Max screamed, fighting her way towards her step-brother when he finally fell.

The yell Billy himself had let out, when he’d managed to shake off the Mindflayer, long enough to give El the time she needed. 

Steve hadn’t really thought about it until now. 

Billy’s death.

 Hadn’t really had time too, given Owens had pulled him and a handful of others out of the ambulance and forced them into hiding.

(From the fucking Russians still hanging around, apparently, though that had been Owens flimsy excuse. Murray and Hopper and long guessed it was something far closer to home. 

“You ever think about how weird that was? That Russians made it to Hawkins and no one ever noticed?” Hopper had asked, a beer in the same hand that had an IV sticking out of the back of it. “Given the lab was right across town you think they’d be watching for that kinda thing.” 

“Please Jim, I am begging you, for once, to use your head. They didn’t get here without assistance and they certainly didn’t do it without help from our own government.” Murray had scoffed in return. 

He held two lit cigarettes in his hand, and was reaching for a third.

“Why the hell would the US military let in Russians?"

“An excellent question, and I’ll return it with one of my own. If we assume we are being lied too, and all the Russians are actually gone, why would Owens still need to hide us?"

“...Fuck.”

“Fuck indeed.”)

Now, Steve found he had all the time in the world to contemplate Billy Hargrove and his mostly unnoticed possession. His supposed sacrifice. 

 Had it redeemed him, the way movies and TV shows always said that kind of death, did? 

Steve imagined the sneered grin on Billy’s face that night at the Byers. Felt phantom knuckles brush across his face, the fury that had ignited within him when Billy hadn’t gone for him, but for Lucas.

Compared it to his own fight with Jonathan in ‘82. 

The words he’d allowed Tommy to spray upon the theater sign regarding his own girlfriend. The camera he’d destroyed. 

The demogorgon in the Byers house, lights flashing as it tore through the wall. 

If things had been different, if Steve hadn’t survived back then--would people wonder the same things about him? Would they ask themselves if his sacrifice was worth it--if it proved he was a good person, under it all? 

“Harrington?” 

Steve jumped, startling when Munson nudged him. 

“You good, man?” He asked, and Steve almost laughed at him because no, he definitely was not good. 

He can’t say that though, and so he does what he always does. Shoves the thoughts down, puts the feelings back inside a box in his mind. 

Lies. 

“Yeah--fine.” He said, brushing off his staring. “Come on, Scoops is that way.” 

He gestures, ignoring the concerned look that’s overtaken Munson’s face. 

Panicking he knows, will not get his keys back, and neither will it help him learn what idiot is poking around the Upside Down this time. 

Because for all of Murray's conspiracies, he doesn’t actually think the feds are Munson’s benefactor. Owens had been inclined to agree, when Steve first reported this entire situation back. 

It’s definitely not his parents, who are conveniently overseas in London. 

That leaves very little options, including a disturbing possibility of a new player to the game, and given all the green goo Steve had seen, the way they all know it does--something, to help power the gate... 

It’d be nice to get ahead of things for once, instead of scrambling to catch up. 

(Screw Hopper and Owens and everyone who told Steve to stay out of it.

He knew damn well Munson wouldn’t listen to his warnings. 

Wouldn’t back off and definitely wouldn’t leave it alone.

Hopper’s half-delirious (and morphine fueled) rants about this finally being a wakeup call for Munson if he didn’t listen wasn’t going to make up for the blood on Steve's hands if the guy went in there without him and died. ) 

Walking through Scoop's is almost more unnerving than walking through the mall itself. Likely because Steve spent time here, and seeing it in it's destroyed state--lights off, ice cream melted and fouling the air with the a rancid stench do him no favors.

The You Suck board is laying haphazardly on the floor.

Steve forces himself to walk by it, and breathes only through his mouth.

“Your locker, my liege!” Munson crows as they enter the back part of Scoop’s, throwing out an arm at it like he’s presenting a game show prize. “Shall we see if the treasure we seek is behind door number one?” 

Steve rolls his eyes, but remains quiet as he steps up and enters his combination. 

It swings open as easily as it ever had, and there, hanging from the crooked hook, is the car keys Steve is so desperately after. 

Munson throws his hands in the air, like Steve’s just shot the winning basket of a game. 

“Score!” He yells, and Steve grins reflexively even as he shushes him. 

“Now," Munson says dramatically, "the hunt begins for our second prize.”

Steve rolls his eyes.

“I told you I don’t have a class ring.” 

“And yet they have me searching for one anyway.” Like a hound zeroing in on a trail, he immediately orients to the back of Scoop’s, waltzing through to the backrooms like this was everyday for him.

Given his confusing and handwaved excuse of how he got involved in this, Steve suppose it could be. 

(He had decided, sometime between the first and fifth time he’d tried to get Eddie to explain how, exactly he’d been roped into this little mission, that the man could never meet Dustin.

Henderson was already too good at steamrolling over Steve, explaining nothing other than the facts that would force them all to do what the little shit wanted, all the while leading them further into trouble.

He didn’t need to befriend someone like Munson, whose mastery of the same bullshit had him doing, well.

This.) 

To the end of the hall Eddie skipped, and Steve kept his eyes on his jacket. Some sort of demon thing was posed on the back, a shirt that had been ripped up and resewn to be a backpatch. 

It was better than looking at anything else back here.

It took them no time at all to reach their destination. 

The door down had a shiny new lock on it. A big thing, with chains so thick Steve briefly wondered if they were worried about containment. 

Had they pulled something through the gate, before it had exploded?

The base was large--larger than Steve had seen, and he'd passed room after room when running around down there.

No one had the time to explore, and one would assume any and all monsters had been removed from the premise but there was always that little tickling feeling.

The one that chanted 'What if...'

Unfortunately, the lock did nothing to detour this little jaunt. 

Munson dropped to his knees in front of a door, hair pin in hand. He fiddled with the lock for a moment and Steve took it to visualize how different things might have been if the older teen had been there with them. 

How much easier some of it would have been. 

(Not that Steve wanted to involve anyone else in this mess.

He'd carry the guilt of dragging Erica and Robin both into it for the rest of his life, not matter what either had to say about the matter. Dustin he knew he couldn't stop, but then, Steve doubted they'd have even made it that far without the girls.)

A click sounded, and Eddie looked up, eyes bright with a wild grin on his face. 

“Open sesame.” He purred as he stood, the door opening under his hands. He pushed on it, revealing the dark gaping maw of a stairwell.

Dread hit Steve like a wave.

“We shouldn’t go down there.” He said.

They had already had this conversation, but Steve felt the overwhelming urge to revisit it on grounds that he still isn’t sure how exactly, Munson got him to agree to come in the first place, and also, now that he was thinking of it, because the guy reminded him of Dustin.

“We shouldn’t be here at all.” Munson countered, springing back to his feet. “But some of us need this little thing called money.”

He rubbed his thumb and forefinger together, as if Steve needed the extra visual.

“If you’re giving me the car--and the car keys--what's the point of going after the ring?” Steve tried, staring down the stairwell before him. “Aren’t they gonna like, not pay you for not finding anything?”

Munson made a dismissive noise, waving his hands in the air like he was dispersing smoke. 

“Eddie.” Steve said, and knew by the way Munson looked at him that the use of his first name hit as intended. “I mean it, man.” 

There was no point in going through with the rest of it. No point at all.

“And I told you I was given a side mission to my main mission, and a little industry secret for ya here Harrington,"

Steve watched as cheshire-cat like grin lit up Munson’s face, in a way eerie similar to Dustin’s gummy smile. "the side missions always pay more.” 

“What's under there isn’t--this isn’t--it’s not safe.” Steve fired back, hating how he fumbled the words, like a ball slipping through his hands. 

Munson scoffed.

“Life ain’t safe.”  

“This is different.” He tried to argue and hated how stubborn Munson was being about this.

It almost made him feel bad about all the time’s Robin had protested. 

(Idly Steve wondered if this was how she felt. Like she was getting dragged along--like she had to go. 

Did her insides feel scooped out? Stomach hollow and head hurting?

Or had the excitement blinded her too much to feel the way the walls seemed to press in?)

Steve’s gut clenched with worry, and he shook his head to clear the anxiety.

Met Munson's gaze and desperately thought of something to say to convince him to walk away.

Some of that must have bled onto his face, because Munson was giving him an odd, searching look.

“I’ll make you a deal, Steve-O." He said. "You give me two good reasons why we shouldn’t go down there, and if they’re really convincing, I might agree to skip it.” 

“I signed NDAs.” Steve sighed, because this was an argument they’d also already had. 

Twice in fact--once, when Eddie first found him, alive and very much not dead as reported, and the second time when he approached Steve with his “retrieval project.” 

(Both times at the goddamn gas station, which Steve would now be avoiding for life.) 

On eyebrow raised. “Over a mallfire?” 

“I think,” Steve said dryly, gesturing around to the destruction that surrounded them, “that you’ve figured out it wasn’t a mallfire.” 

Technically he wasn't even supposed to say that, but then, Steve had long stopped caring if he actually broke the stupid thing.

The real issue was that the story sounded like something out of a bad horror film--fake and ridiculous. If he tried to explain it, Munson would assume Steve had finally cracked.

Or, more likely, decide he was being made fun of, and react accordingly.

(They couldn't afford to fight here, and neither did Steve want Munson storming off.)

“Well duh. But then, you’re the one who won’t say what really happened here.” Munson waggled his eyebrows in a way that was so cartoony Steve was mildly impressed a person could pull it off. 

He sighed a second time. 

“You wouldn’t believe me.”

“You keep saying that and you keep not trying me.” Eddie leaned against the door frame. “Come on Harrington. Two reasons.”

Steve tried.

Ran through what might convince Munson to leave it all alone. 

Figured the guy was kind of like Dustin, in that he couldn’t be too vague (because it would just intrigue him) and he couldn’t be too honest (because any idiot could see Munson would be all over some kind of government conspiracy.) 

“The fact the building might pancake on us at any moment isn't enough?" He asked, unsure if sounding desperate was the right move here (an equally unsure if he could hide it if it was.)

He’d hadn’t tried this route before--hadn’t thought Munson would go for it. 

Not when he'd waived off every other attempt Steve could think of, to stop this.

“Nah, I trust my source, this place will hold.” Munson leaned forward, deep into Steve’s space and though Steve waivered back, he let the older teen get close. “You’ve been off ever since we came in here, Harrington. I want to know why.” 

“I was in the fire. Munson. I did almost die."

He still had a bruise left to prove it.

"That ain't it and you know it."

"I don't know what else to tell you then." Steve said, angry. why was the guy making this so hard? Why couldn't he just fucking listen!?

“Not even two reasons?”

“There’s not--” Steve closed his eyes, frustrated. “I’ve given you far more than two reasons!” 

“Not any good ones.” 

“I don’t know what you want from me. "Steve admitted finally. "because I told you, you wouldn’t believe the rest of it--” 

Munson didn't let his rant pick up steam. instead he pulled himself back, interrupting Steve.

“Then down the rabbit hole we go, Alice!”

Quick as a flash he was  down the stairs and Steve bit back a curse as he rushed to follow.

“Munson--come on, wait!” He yelled back.

Eddie, of course, did no such thing. 

It took everything he had in him to rush after, but Steve did it anyway.

What else was he good for?

[starboye]

team!141 with transformer nerd reader

although they might have thought of you as a little weird at first they slowly grew a liking towards your weird little self and how you always brought up transformers in any conversation, like literally every conversation no matter the topic

price: we need to get the information out quiet and qui- y/n: y'know the transformers were actually silent when they first released but the makers turned them into talking autobots later price: thank you for that fun fact y/n anyways

and you always compare them to different transformers, like price is optomious prime, soap is bumblebee, simon is ironhide, and gaz is mirage and you make sure they remember that

soap: hey y/n can you give this to simon for me y/n: sure thing b soap: who's b? y/n: you're bumblebee

and although they don't really know the whole lore they have no problem with sitting down and watching all the movies with you, asking questions throughout the whole movie about who this and that is among other thing

gaz: wait so who's the villain y/n: megatron gaz: and which one's that y/n: the ugly looking one

and as much as some *cough* simon *cough* dont want to admit they like the transformers you always catch him talking about with johnny, trying to figure out the plot because he's to embarrassed to ask you

simon: wait but i thought optimus prime died soap: me too y/n: no it just seems like he dies but he always comes back simon: t-thanks

[hibiscusol]

ִֶָ𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ sailor song, one. ་༘🌊࿐

masterlist ｡𖦹°‧ welcome page ｡𖦹°‧ series masterlist

── ‧₊ ᵎᵎ pairing: jj maybank x reader

── ‧₊ ᵎᵎ sypnosis: after your best friend sarah and his new pogue boyfriend get lost at sea, you find comfort in the only person who understands you. and weirdly, that person is a pogue, the jj maybank.

── ‧₊ ᵎᵎ warnings: language and mentions of alcohol

── ‧₊ ᵎᵎ author's note: yeah, this is my way of coping. i miss the man. anyways lmk if u like it or if u have any ideas for the next chapters!

────🫐────

“Oh, shit, my bad,” The blond boy whispers after colliding with you, all your books dropping to the ground. You look up and see him, the tall blond pogue rarely present at school. You nod and walk past him, not paying much attention. It wouldn’t be a good thing to be seen with him and his friends, especially after Sarah and the Routledge guy’s death.

Everybody’s going through it. The Camerons have been grieving in their… own ways. Rafe, the eldest child of the Camerons has not been seen in days. Someone said they’d seen him smoking weed in his dealer’s backyard. Guess his sister’s death made him hit rock bottom.

And as for her new pogue boyfriend, John B, no one cares. No one knew him other than his few friends, one of them being the old kook Kiara Carrera. Well, they’re like a weird cult always up to some shit. They’ve chosen their place.

The missing posters have been up for a while. No one really believes it, they couldn’t have survived a storm like that. You’ve been trying to handle it. In your room for days, thinking about the empty spaces your best friend Sarah would fill. Thinking about how she’d gotten distant the past few days. Not telling you where she was going, not telling you about the new guy. You blamed yourself for it. Maybe if you’d tried to talk to her more a few days before she died, she wouldn’t have gone with him.

When the thoughts get too loud during English class, you excuse yourself and leave. You walk through the hallways and outside the school, sitting on a nearby bench. No one said a word to you. No one said you were allowed to grief too. Like you weren’t her best friend. Were you?

You take a deep breath and look around, making sure no one saw you leave school grounds. That’s when you see him again. The blond boy.

He walks out of school as well, looking around and spotting you. He scoffs, and as much as he tries to find a way to avoid you, you’re sitting on the only bench that’s out here. He slowly walks over. “Can I sit-?” He says and you nod. “Yeah. Go ahead.” You say and look away, pulling your legs into your stomach, hugging your calves.

He sits down as far away on the bench from you as possible, taking a deep breath. A few minutes of silence go by. “I heard you were her friend.” He says, breaking the silence.

“What?” You whisper, surprised he would actually talk to you. “I said I heard you were Sarah’s best friend.” He repeats, looking at you this time. He looks… decent.

“Yeah. I was.” you say, looking away from him. “That was before your friends showed up, though.” You say and roll your eyes. He nods, his lips pressing together. 

“We didn’t do shit. She wanted to join us, so she did.” He says defensively. “Well, she got dragged into all the criminal stuff that you do. She didn’t know what type of people you were.” I say, sitting straight. I have the time today.

“John B did not kill Peterkin.” He says frowning. “Sure, he didn’t.” You say and he frowns again. “I’m being serious. He did not.”

“You think I’m just gonna believe you because you said so? What even was your name again?” I say and roll my eyes. Yes, exactly the way I imagined a pogue to be. “No, but I’m saying that you’re judging without getting to know us.” He pauses for a second, almost like he’s pondering if he should say or not. “I’m JJ. JJ Maybank.” 

Oh, JJ Maybank. With the dad. He works for your father. Or maybe worked. Poor guy was definitely an addict.

“I know your dad.” You blurt out, and the way his face falls tells you you hit a sore spot. You look away. “He… he worked for my dad.” You elaborate, looking down at your shoes. 

A few moments pass by and when you turn to look at him again, he’s off the bench, walking away. You frown, watching him walk away. Weird. Why’d he just walk away like that? 

You sigh and look ahead into the trees in front you. The back of the school where the students have done everything. A few minutes later, a voice startles you again. “Hey, sorry, I was…” 

You jump, letting out a low gasp as you sit up straighter. “What the fuck, Maybank? I thought you left and then you…” You say before he stretches his hand out, a necklace in his palm. Your eyes widen as you notice what it is. The S necklace. With Sarah’s initial on it.

“We found this at the chateau. The chateau is… um, our place, kind of. She’d left it there.” He says as you shakily take it from him.

“We didn’t force her into anything…” “Shut up, Maybank.” You say as you put the necklace around your neck. “Just… I don’t wanna hear it.”

He nods, taking a deep breath as he takes a step back, holding his hands up in surrender. “I’m just being nice, Kook.” Oh, now he’s getting sassy. You roll your eyes, unwrapping your arms from around your legs and letting your feet touch the ground as you stand up. “Yeah, well, you could’ve been nice by saving her before she was dead.” I roll my eyes as I grab my backpack, throwing it over my shoulder. You’re mad at everyone and everything. You’re mad at Sarah for leaving you here, and you’re mad at being neglected. She was your best friend. And the moment she left, suddenly she was everyone else’s. 

“Wait.” JJ’s voice cuts through your thoughts and your feel your heart ache. The few soft streams of light have found their way from in between trees and leaves onto his blond hair and blue eyes and you take a deep breath, mentally shaking yourself. Stop.

“We both lost our best friends. If there’s anyone who knows what you’re going through, it’s me. Yeah, I don’t like you and you don’t like me. But… be decent.” He nods, as if he wants you to agree. Your hands tighten on the straps on your backpack and you nod after a second. “I… Yeah. Sure. I… I’m Y/N.”

“Yeah, okay.” He nods, running a hand through his hair. “I know who you are.” You tear your gaze away from him and take deep breaths until you get inside. The moment you get inside the school bathroom, tears are rolling down your face and you let out quiet sobs, turning to the bathroom and kicking a bathroom door open, walking in and locking door. Her necklace around your neck feels like it’s choking you, and you press your palms against your temples, tears running down your cheeks and neck.

How long is it gonna feel like this?

────🫐────

[naughtyneganjdm]

Threads of Desire: A Christmas to Remember - Chapter 4

Summary: After her night with Daryl, Y/N goes into work and discovers that Negan is already there waiting for her, desperate for a conversation. Multiple events lead to the two of them growing closer with Negan starting to realize he was blind to things in the past and it makes him feel guilty.

Characters: Negan Smith, the reader (OC), Maggie Greene, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61111030/chapters/157485796

Warnings: Swearing, Cheating, Angst, Smut, Heavy Touching, A moment of non-con, etc.

Notes: I edited this at 2 in the morning. I'm sure I could have done a better job, but it's the best I have for now. In this chapter, there is some non-con in this chapter that could be uncomfortable for some reading. I want to put it out there beforehand.

Waking up this morning was hard. First, it was the hangover. The gnawing, aching migraine that felt miserable. Even opening her eyes was incredibly hard because the light that was filtering into the apartment increased the ache she was feeling. That was the alcohol hitting her back. Then it was the fact she didn’t have an alarm set. So by the time she woke up at Daryl’s place, she had no idea where she was or when it was. It took a while for her to gather herself. And surprisingly? She didn’t give a fuck when she woke up this morning. That wasn’t like her at all. Maybe after last night she decided to say fuck the world and do her own thing because at that moment? Nothing mattered to her.

At some point during the night she had fallen asleep only to wake up with Daryl laying face first into the pillows with his arm loosely hooked around her waist. Being in that position only reminded her how much Daryl actually wanted more out of their friendship. And that’s why she thought sleeping with him was wrong in the first place. But that didn’t stop her. Which really made her feel bad the longer she thought about it.

Daryl was always incredibly shy. It took a lot for her to even get him to say more than a sentence or two when they were hanging out together when they first started spending time together. And originally she had just thought they were friends. When Maggie and Negan slept together and she walked in on it? She was devastated. And she went to Daryl who said the most amazing things to her. They were both drunk and they fell into one another. Daryl had always commented that she should have fell in love with him instead of Negan, but she always thought he was joking at first. But it didn’t take long for her to realize that Daryl did in fact have feelings for her. The only bad thing is that her feelings for Negan had always clouded those that she had for Daryl. The crush on Negan came first. Part of her had wished she met Daryl first because then she wouldn’t have such conflicting feelings about everything.

Getting out of the bed wasn’t that hard. Daryl was a heavy sleeper. So that meant that he wouldn’t wake up when she left. It took her longer to get ready and before she left, she wrote him a note. Running away without saying some kind of goodbye after having sex last night was an absolute no-no in her book. Putting the note on the pillow she slept on last night, she knew that she needed to head out. Even though she would have rather stayed with Daryl to hang out for the rest of the day instead. Being late today was one thing, but if she was exceedingly late she knew she’d never hear the end of it.

But the biggest problem? She didn’t have any clothes at Daryl’s. She had the clothes Daryl gave her and the dress she wore to the event. That meant she had to run to the store to get something nice enough to wear to work.

But because of her being late? That meant no coffee shop stop to pick up Maggie’s favorite drink. It was her having to run straight to work to get done what she needed to. Which was prepare Maggie for her meeting. Check the e-mails. See if there were any messages. Daily chores that Maggie had for her before Maggie even got to work. Then again? She even questioned if she would have gotten Maggie that stupid drink in the first place. From here on out, she really didn’t feel like running to that coffee shop every morning. What was the point in going above and beyond for someone that wasn’t even her friend and made that evidently clear? There was none.

Getting to work, she wished one of the stops she would have made was at a store to pick up some Tylenol. The headache that she had only grew worse with this cold weather and not having something all day was going to suck. There was no questioning that Maggie was going to be furious with her today. Especially since she didn’t go out of her way to get that drink and she showed up a few hours later than she normally did. Maggie would see that as her being rebellious after what she discovered. And she could only picture what she was in for today.

Last night after they had slept together, Daryl had extensively attempted to get Y/N to reconsider her decision about staying at the company. Daryl wanted her to quit. Listing off all the reasons she didn’t need to be there. And while she appreciated the idea of Daryl letting her live in his apartment for a while, she didn’t want to be a loser. Anything she did, she wanted to do on her own. Which meant keeping her head down and doing what she could here until she could find another job. Daryl promised her safety and assured her she would have a place to stay, but that was a last resort for her. If nothing else worked, moving in with Daryl didn’t seem so bad. It was nice that she had someone who promised that they wouldn’t let anything happen to her. There was just one thing that Daryl couldn’t keep safe. And that was her relationship with Negan’s daughter, Jordyn. Nothing was more important to her than Jordyn. So she didn’t want to piss Maggie off that bad.  

That didn’t mean she forgot everything that happened or the things that she learned. Last night confirmed a lot of things for her. And that would change their friendship moving forward. Because now? She knew that their whole friendship was a sham. It was fake. A steppingstone for Maggie to feel better about herself. So that was something Y/N was going to have to live with too.

Waiting for the elevator today was twice as annoying as normal. Instead of pushing herself in with the large group of people waiting to get up, she just stood in the back until she could get a less busy one. But even the sound of the elevator was increasing the tension in her head. And it made her groan out. Pinching the bridge of her nose, she wished she would have just stayed at Daryl’s. This was stupid. She could have maybe gotten away with one day off from work with Maggie. Made Maggie panic a bit. Because her head was throbbing.

Waiting for everyone to get off the elevator, she was the last to leave. Dragging her feet along, she didn’t lift her head until she almost reached the office. But when she did? She felt her chest aching at the sight. Standing up from the couch in the office once he saw her near was Negan.

“Shit,” she muttered under her breath noticing the way that his hazel eyes were locked on her already. It was too fucking early for this and she already felt terrible. With how quickly she rushed out this morning, she could only imagine how awful she must have looked. But him? He looked good. He always looked good. His hair was slicked back and he was wearing a pair of his black, thick framed glasses.

Pausing for a moment as she reached out for the door to the office, she wondered what she would even say. The last thing she wanted to do was talk to him right now. After the mess of things she made last night and what she learned with Maggie cheating, she didn’t even want to see Negan for a long time. It would have been nice if there was someone that could have helped her get Negan out of that office, but she knew that everyone else was busy. And no one would do her any favors.

Lifting her head again she realized that there was a drink carrier with coffees on Maggie’s desk and it made her scoff. Assuming those were for Maggie had her rolling her eyes. Well, today would be like every other day.

“Keep your head down, say nothing,” she coached herself, so badly wanting this whole thing to be over with. If she could have gone back and erased everything she said from Negan’s mind, she wished she could have. Then again? She wished she could have erased what she had seen happen between Guy and Maggie too. That would have made seeing Negan much easier today. Pushing forward, she headed into the office. Opening the door, she stepped inside and it had Negan stepping forward. Shoving his hands into his pockets, it looked like Negan wanted to say something but the color drained from his face. “Morning.”

“Good morning,” he repeated back what she had said, his hazel eyes following her movements when she set the presentation drawings down in the corner of the room on Maggie’s drawing table. Right now? She was avoiding Negan at all costs, moving around the office like he wasn’t even there. Heading over to the desk, she sat down in the chair and saw out of the corner of her eye that Negan was approaching it. “If you’re waiting for Maggie, she’s going to be a little while longer.”

“I’m not waiting for Maggie,” Negan grunted, his brow line creasing when he got to the area beside her. Sitting on the corner of the desk, his eyes were locked on her and he shrugged. “I’m here for you. I went to your apartment this morning, but you weren’t there. So I came here.”

Pausing after logging into Maggie’s computer, she pushed the chair back and her eyes connected with Negan. Leaning back, Negan grabbed the drink that he had gotten for her. Holding it out for her, Negan teased it just beneath her nose, “I got you your favorite. Well, what I think your favorite still is after this long. I got you what your favorite was when the two of us were spending a lot of time together.”

Thinking things over, the realization started to set in. Exhaustion was still eating away at her. Accepting the latte that Negan had gotten for her, she took a sip of it. Giving a nod, she set it beside her and cleared her throat uneasily, “It’s still my favorite.”

“Good,” Negan seemed proud, reaching for the coffee that he had gotten himself. “It means my memory isn’t as shit as I thought it was.”

“Why are you here?” she wondered, clutching tightly to the coffee cup that Negan had gotten for her. “And why would you even bother going to my apartment this morning? Last night was a mess. One we need to forget and just pretend didn’t happen.”

“Because you wouldn’t answer your phone or any of your texts,” Negan explained, shrugging his shoulders, a frown tugging at his handsome features. “How else am I gonna get you to talk to me? This was the only place I knew you would be.”

“I have a lot of work to do Negan,” she stressed to him, going back to look through the e-mails that were on the computer. “If I don’t get through all of these, Maggie is going to be really upset with me. She’s going to want me to have these finished by the time she gets here. Plus I have to prepare her things for her meeting today. Usually I get here much earlier than this, but I slept in this morning and…”

“I think you needed to sleep in this morning,” Negan suggested, tipping his head to the side before taking a sip of his coffee. “Hopefully you got a lot of sleep last night after you ran off on me and scared the shit out of me when you wouldn’t answer your phone. A drunk girl running through the streets of New York so late at night isn’t the best of ideas.”

Thinking about how last night went, she licked her lips and shifted in Maggie’s chair uncomfortably, “I’m a big girl Negan, I can take care of myself. And as for sleep? Not as much sleep as I would have wished to have gotten.”

Elaborating was not part of the plan there.

Pushing his way between her and the computer, Negan made it so she wouldn’t be able to go through the e-mails that she did every morning. Huffing out, she snatched her coffee from the desk again and held onto it. Negan’s eyes were staring down at her and she felt like a child in that moment.

“I think Maggie will cope if you don’t do exactly what she should be doing every morning, not you,” Negan suggested, his jaw flexing when he made it clear that he wasn’t about to let her get to her work. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m not leaving. I’m here to talk to you and I’m not leaving you alone until we talk today.”

“Negan, there is nothing to say,” she frowned, forcing herself to look away from his hazel eyes. So badly she wanted to tell him everything, but she knew what the outcome would be if she did. Nothing but trouble for her and she couldn’t cause tension that would keep her away from Jordyn. “I was overly emotional last night and I let things get to me. Usually I’m good at keeping my mouth shut. Last night, I wasn’t. Trust me, it’s not going to happen again, so you don’t have to worry.”

“But I’m already worried,” Negan slurred, clicking his tongue against the top of his mouth. “You can’t tell me not to fucking worry when I’m already worried. It’s there. It isn’t leaving me. So fuck the whole don’t worry thing. What I saw and heard yesterday? That’s not something I’m used to. At all. So, I’m pretty fucking worried.”

“You have your own family to worry about,” she reminded him, still having a hard time looking at Negan. Both from what she did in front of him and what she knew about Maggie. “I appreciate that you care enough about me to come and check in on me, but I don’t matter at the end of the day. Especially when it comes to your life.”

“You matter very much to me,” Negan stammered, his raspy voice growing more concerned with the way she was talking about things. “I don’t want you to end up in a place like I was when you had to help me through things. That’s a place I never want to end up back in, but more than anything that’s a place I never want to see someone that I care about end up. It’s a fucked up place.”

“I don’t have time to end up in a place like that,” she assured Negan, taking another sip of the latte that he had gotten for her. Lifting her eyes, she stared up at him. There was genuine concern in his expression and she didn’t even know why. “If I had time to sit to myself and think about all the woes in my life, then yeah. I might end up in a place like that. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately in this case, my job doesn’t allow me the time for that. Is my life miserable? Yeah. Do I hate my job? Yes. I do. Do I think things that I want to so desperately say but then end up not saying them? Yes. But that’s life. We all have to go through things we don’t want to.”

“And I’d like you to talk to me about those things,” Negan explained, sucking at his bottom lip after she rolled her eyes. “Come on, this isn’t like you. The two of us are close and you are trying to push me away so hard.”

Feeling her phone buzzing, she reached for it to take a quick look to see that Daryl had texted her something.

Be fierce today. You’ve got this.

It made her smile that he sent her that. Especially after everything she had gone through.

“For good reasons,” she pushed her seat forward toward the computer tapping at Negan’s hip in attempts to get him to move. “Maggie is going to kill me if her e-mails aren’t checked and finished by the time that she gets here.”

“I want you to take a day off,” Negan announced, curling his fingers firmly around her wrist to give it a firm squeeze. “My mom has Jordyn out for a grandma fun day. So come on. Be a rebel and spend the day with me. Like we used to. We’ll walk around. Maybe go to the Bryant Park Christmas Village. Go to lunch. Find things to do. And then you can come over tonight. Jordyn will be happy to have you there. We’ll play video games, I’ll make you a really nice dinner. We can watch Christmas movies together. Have hot chocolate by the fire. If you’re lucky, I’ll even put those tiny marshmallows in yours.”

“While that sounds amazing Negan, I can’t do that anymore,” she noticed that he wasn’t letting go of her wrist. Setting down her latte, her free hand covered his. A frown tugged at his features with her turning him down. “I have a job. One where it doesn’t allow me to be able to do something like that. I would love to take off with you and spend all day with you. But I’m not that girl that can just drop everything for you anymore. I have bills to pay. Or I lose everything.”

“I think Maggie will understand. She wouldn’t want you being this upset,” Negan thought aloud, but that made Y/N smile and shake her head. “Maggie is your friend and if she knew how you were feeling, I’m sure that she would support what I’m trying to suggest here. No one would want you to be suffering like this.”

“I don’t think that’s at all what Maggie would think,” she stressed to Negan, hooking her fingers with his. Getting him to lower his hand, she nodded toward the computer again. Hinting to him that this was a must that she had to get done.

Sliding over, it was only a moment before the sound of the door being pushed open was heard. Both of them looked to the door to see what appeared to be an overwhelmed Maggie carrying multiple things in her arms. Big glasses covered her eyes and she looked infuriated.

“Shit,” Y/N breathed under her breath. She’d gotten nothing done. The only thing she had done was make sure to bring the presentation that was needed today. Today, she was going to be in for it. And by the time that Maggie finally realized that Negan was sitting there with Y/N? Maggie looked like she could absolutely die right there on the spot.

“Morning,” Negan waved, his eyes following Maggie’s movements when she dropped everything down on the couch. Tugging her sunglasses from her face, Maggie looked between Y/N and Negan. Maggie looked like she could have fainted right then and there. Right now? Y/N was certain that Maggie thought she was telling Negan all about what she had learned the night before.

“Morning,” Maggie slurred her words, letting them linger when she stepped closer to the desk. Lowering down had Negan meeting her halfway in a quick kiss. With Negan kissing her back, Maggie could tell that they were still okay and it seemed like a large amount of weight was lifted from her shoulders. “What are you doing here honey?”

“Well,” Negan paused to consider what he was going to say. Looking back to Y/N, his Adam’s apple bounced in his throat and he shrugged. “Truthfully? Y/N and I were having a conversation last night. Then she remembered something she had to do and hopped out of my car. So I came here this morning to check in on her. And I was hoping to finish that conversation.”

“What about?” Maggie acted like she wasn’t all that interested, her green eyes hooking with Y/N’s. Shaking her head, Y/N let her know the best way that she could that she didn’t tell Negan about what she walked in on last night with Maggie and Guy. Forcing herself to look away from Y/N, Maggie didn’t want it to be clear that they were communicating without really saying anything.

“It’s kind of between the two of us,” Negan alerted Maggie getting an offended breath from Maggie. Hearing that surprised Y/N. Having Negan tell Maggie that she wasn’t allowed to know what they talked about? Well that was shocking. “It was just a conversation between two friends. I’m sorry Mags, but sometimes I think things should stay personal between two people. If she’s comfortable enough to talk to you about things in the future, then that’s on her. But right now? It’s between us.”

“Now I’m suddenly curious,” Maggie looked to Y/N who dramatically shrugged at Negan’s response. Thankfully Negan didn’t mouth vomit everything. Because that would have been bad for her in the end anyways. “Neither one of you keep things from me.”

Both Negan and Y/N laughed immediately at that comment eliciting a frustrated grunt from Maggie, “I guess I trusted you both more than I thought?”

“There are some things you just don’t need to know,” Y/N stressed to Maggie since Maggie had pretty much made her life miserable over the last four plus years. Keeping her personal life from Maggie just seemed like a good idea. While she wished it wasn’t the case, if Maggie knew about some things in her life she was certain that Maggie would ruin them. Just like she did with Negan and this job. “Do you tell me everything?”

“For the most part…” Maggie started, but the glare that Y/N gave her was obviously directed at what they had talked about the night before. “No, I guess you’re right. There are some things that need to be kept to ourselves.”

“Exactly,” Negan snapped his fingers, a big cheesy smile tugging at his handsome features. “I was actually hoping that you would give Y/N a break today and let her take today off so we could go on an adventure.”

“We?” Maggie repeated what she heard nervously, color flooding into her cheeks. “And by we…you mean?”

“Oh, just the two of us,” Negan wiggled his finger between him and Y/N. Hearing that had Maggie in a panic. And it was plastered all over her face. There was a sense of pride from that for Y/N. “I started to think about it, I considered Y/N to be my best friend before I started dating you. Then we got together and I just started to spend all my extra time with you. That’s not really fair to my friend, y’know? I went from really spending every extra moment I had with her, to spending it all with you. I thought it would be cool to do something with her today. Like old times. Y/N does so much for me helping out with Jordyn. I thought it would be nice to give her a day out.”

“I see,” Maggie’s eyes locked with Y/N and, in that moment, Y/N knew that Maggie was furious with the idea that Negan had come up with. “While that sounds nice, and I’m sure she’d love to do that with you, she actually is going to be very busy today.”

“I’m sure you could survive one day without her,” Negan stood up from the desk, walking around it. Locking eyes with Maggie, he was almost pleading with her to let Y/N go with him. “I’m sure you could handle your messages, e-mails and what not for the rest of the day.”

“You didn’t finish the e-mails and messages?” Maggie looked beyond Negan with Y/N lowering her head down to her hand to bury it there. Oh, today was going to be fun. Snapping his fingers again, Negan got Maggie’s attention and had her huffing out. “It’s not just that Negan. You see…”

“Have you told her yet?” a booming voice caused all of them to jump with the door being thrown open. Getting everyone’s attention, Guy took his sunglasses off hooking them to his silky white shirt. Once again, Guy was dressed very fashionably. To add to the white shirt was a pair of white slacks and white loafers. His dark hair was groomed nicely, a small amount of stubble over his face and his brown eyes were locked with Y/N’s. “Why does it look like nothing has been done yet?”

“I haven’t had the time to tell her,” Maggie stammered, searching for the right words. Nervousness flooded Y/N’s veins when Guy moved around the desk toward her. “I was thinking, I’m not really sure that it’s the best idea Guy because…”

“Blasphemy. Anyone who walks through a snowstorm in the middle of the night to assure that your work is here bright and early deserves a chance to experience what it’s like to be in the middle of everything,” Guy hushed Maggie, reaching for Y/N to get her to stand up and step before him. “What you’re wearing is cute, but it’s not going to work for today. I’ve already called a place down the street. They work with me, get me some things last minute. I assumed your size and requested a dress from them. I’m going to need you to go grab it, put it on and rush back here. They are going to have you try it on there in case it doesn’t fit. They’ll have you pick out some shoes to go with it. Help you through the process. And if you want to, grab some jewelry that will go nice with it. I’ll pay for everything.”

“I uh…I’m sorry. But what?” Y/N felt flustered with how quickly Guy was talking along with the way that he spun her around to get a look at her. Warmth was flooding into her face wondering what the hell was going on. “Why?”

“I’m going to have you join us in the meeting today. I just want to see you wearing something more…Vixen?” Guy stressed, waving his hand about while lowering his other hand that was still holding onto hers. “Maggie and I had a conversation about you. Being here for as long as you have been, I’d like to see what you are capable of.”

“I’m just a personal assistant,” she was flustered, but caught the expression that Negan was giving her when she looked beyond Guy’s shoulder. Throwing his thumbs up in the air, Negan gave a dramatic nod. Pointing to his mouth, he gave her a cheesy smile as if to suggest she should smile. Noticing the way that Y/N was looking over his shoulder, Guy looked back and it had Negan swiftly covering his mouth. It looked ridiculous with Negan forcing himself to look somewhere else while using his free hand to stroke down over his jaw. Smirking, Guy had obviously caught onto the fact that Negan was gesturing her to do something but decided not to say anything.

“Are you?” Guy stammered, his dark eyes narrowing when he gave his attention back to Y/N. And really? She didn’t know how to answer that. Obviously she did more than be Maggie’s personal assistant, but her job title was pretty much that alone. How would Guy know now of all times that she did more for Maggie than she should have. Out of frustration, it looked like Maggie tried to focus elsewhere when she moved around the desk to sit down at her computer. “Give me your cell phone.”

“Why?” she wasn’t sure what was happening, but when she dug into her pocket, Guy was quick to snatch it from her. Attempting to open it, Guy huffed and held it out for her so that she could open it for him. Going into her contacts, Guy was quick to put his number in that section. After, he sent himself a text so that way he would have her phone number too. During this whole thing, he kept motioning her to weight, holding up his index finger every so often since she was visibly uncomfortable with him holding her phone. Handing back her cell phone, Guy reached for his and sent her a text that appeared to be an address. “Something tells me that you will surprise me. So head down the street and get the dress I picked out for you. You know what time the meeting is.”

Yelping, she felt Guy pushing her toward the door followed by him smacking firmly at her ass. That wasn’t something she would really let anyone else get away with. But no one else said something, so she just assumed that she would keep her mouth shut in this moment. Grabbing her latte, she moved for her jacket with Guy watching her closely. Waving his hands to motion her to move faster, Guy sat on the corner of Maggie’s desk. By the expression on Maggie’s face? She was furious.

“I’m going to walk with her,” Negan explained moving around Guy to grab his coffee before moving to the couch to pick up his jacket that he had taken off when he got here. Working it up his arms, Negan pointed toward Y/N who was already headed out the door. It looked like Maggie was about to complain, but with Guy there she simply nodded her head and went back to work. Fuck, she was already nervous enough, the last thing Y/N needed right now was having Negan following her. “Hey! Fucking wait for me.”

“Where can I go? You know the elevator takes forever and it’s not like I’ll be able to sneak away before you get to me,” she pointed toward the closed elevator doors, getting a frustrated glance from Negan as he approached. Hitting the down button a few more times, she knew it would do nothing, but there was the hope that she could get this all over with quickly. “I don’t know why you want to follow me. It’s not like I’m going to be able to open up to you about things on our walk over. I’m nervous enough as it is.”

“You shouldn’t be nervous, this is a good thing,” Negan hushed her, adjusting his jacket so that he had it on properly when he stepped in beside her. “You wanted more with this company and it looks like Guy wants to allow you have the opportunity for that.”

“But I’m wondering why,” she frowned, knowing that she couldn’t open up to Negan about what she knew. There were a few reasons that she figured Guy was doing this. One, he wanted her to keep her mouth shut about what she saw with him and Maggie. Two, he wanted to have sex with her because he really seemed to be stressing that idea last night in Maggie’s apartment. Or three, he was going to test her and if she didn’t prove herself to him, he’d fire her. So either way, none of the options were great. Especially since she knew that he wasn’t doing this all of a sudden because he recognized her talents. Where Negan saw this as something good, she saw it as something complicated and worrisome. Being on Guy Vixen’s radar after last night didn’t seem like the best thing in the world.

“Does it matter?” Negan really didn’t understand why she was acting upset about this whole thing. “We were just talking about things last night. How you wanted more. How you didn’t want to be just a personal assistant anymore. This is a good thing. Maybe Maggie and Guy talked about you and how talented you were.”

“I don’t think they talked about me and my talents last night,” she hushed Negan, holding her hand up because she knew what they were doing last night. Talking about her work was not one of those things.

“Why aren’t you happier about this?” Negan pushed, giving her arm a supportive squeeze. “You should be happy here. This is what you wanted. To feel seen. And now you’re being seen. Which is a good thing.”

“I’m not sure I’m happy with the way that I’m getting it,” she muttered, looking back over her shoulder to see through the glass panel walls that Guy and Maggie seemed to be bickering. Without meaning to, Y/N caught Guy’s attention when he realized that she was staring. Flashing her a smile and winking at her, Guy held up his hand to wave. It had a breath catching in her throat when she realized he was being flirty with her. “Truthfully? I think he wants to have sex with me.”

“He wants to…” Negan paused, looking back over his shoulder at the office just in time to see Guy waving at Y/N. Returning the gesture, Y/N waved and then turned on her heel to face the elevator again. Catching himself staring at Guy, Negan felt his face growing hot. “Isn’t he gay?”

“Apparently he’s pansexual,” she repeated what she had heard the night before from Maggie, clearing her throat uneasily. At least she wasn’t the only person to assume that Guy was gay. “That’s why I’m not so sure I deserve this or want this.”

Negan was still staring at Guy by the time the elevator opened. Realizing that it was near closing, Negan stumbled in and cussed to himself, “I doubt that’s the case. You heard him. He was impressed with you walking through a snowstorm to make sure that the work was done. Which…” Negan paused, his thick eyebrows furrowing. “How did he know that you did that?”

Well shit. There he was using his brain in that moment, “Oh,” she paused. Not she needed to think of something good that was honest without lying. Because Negan could always pick up on her lying for the most part. “When I got to Maggie’s apartment last night, she was there. I think Guy had walked her up to her apartment and they were still talking about…things.”

“So Maggie was home?” Negan confirmed leaving her wishing this elevator was a whole lot faster than it was. Everything inside of her was tense and it was so fucking hard even looking at Negan. “I tried calling her last night and she didn’t answer.”

“She was probably angry. The two of us were bickering,” she was quick to respond, but that also wasn’t a lie. Swaying too far from the truth with Negan would be too hard so she was going to be as honest as she could while leaving some details out. “You called her when she was likely distracted and pissed off. You know how I was last night Negan. I was drunk and not in the best of moods. No one would know that better than you.”

“Bickering? The two of you were fighting?” Negan gathered, his head tipping to the side with his right eyebrow arching in curiosity. “In front of Guy?”

“Yeah, kind of. I guess. He wasn’t really in the room we were in when we were having a heated discussion,” she thought back on last night knowing that Guy was mostly in Maggie’s bedroom when they were fighting it out with one another. After all these years being close to Negan, it was hard not just coming out and telling him the truth. In her opinion? He deserved to know everything. But with the threats she was given by Maggie, she knew that it wasn’t her place to tell him. “It was a complicated situation. I stormed out after our fight and maybe the two of them talked about me? Which makes this even worse for me. I don’t know if they talked about me in a good or bad way.”

“Lemme ask you this,” Negan began, stepping in closer to her in the elevator. Sweeping his finger in underneath her chin, he urged her to look up into his hazel eyes. Giving a weak smile, he shrugged his shoulders. “Do you really care how you ended up getting this chance? Maybe now is just your time. You rightfully deserve a moment to shine and experience things. Who cares if Maggie likes it or not. Or how you even got it.”

“Careful. That’s your girlfriend you’re talking about,” she warned, lifting her hand up to curl her fingers around his wrist. Getting him to lower his hand from her face, she felt her chest aching. The last thing he would really want to do is shit talk Maggie and she knew that. Shaking her head, she could feel a lump that was growing at the base of her throat. The sound of the elevator doors opening quieted them. The elevator stopped more times than she would have liked it to. Especially when she had a specific timeline that she had to get through with Guy. But? The one thing it did have was that Negan was incredibly close to her, pressing in near her with the amount of people that were surrounding them. Closing her eyes tightly, the scent of Negan’s cologne surrounded her and it sent chills throughout her body. It was intoxicating. There was something about the way that he smelled that drove her crazy with desire. Forcing herself to act normal, she spoke up in a whisper. “With the two of us? I’ll see you on Saturday. And we can talk then when we are with Jordyn.”

“Saturday is too far away for me,” Negan refused, biting down on his bottom lip. Pressing in closer to her, the warmth of his breath hovered over her ear and it sent chills down her spine. “And really? I want alone time with you. There is only so much we can talk about around Jordyn.”

“Saturday is close enough,” she countered, her heartbeat skipping hearing that he wanted alone time with her. In the past? She would have ate that shit up. Now? Not so much. “Negan, we spent four years with us having zero alone time together. We’ll handle that.”

Reminding him of how their relationship had been over the last few years seemed to infuriate Negan. Her last comment had him rolling his eyes, but it was honest. So she didn’t know why he got so upset about it, “If you want to talk? The two of us will figure something out before Christmas.”

“Yeah, see. That doesn’t work. I told myself the same thing four years ago when the two of us weren’t spending time together. We’ll make time. We’ll find time,” Negan listed off the things that he knew he would say over the last four years, but they never did. People were now starting to listen in on their conversation and it was annoying that they were. “I want to make time for you. We need to make time for each other.”

Thankfully, before she could respond, the doors were opening and people were leaving the elevator. Quickly making her move, she tried to get away from this conversation, but Negan was just as fast in following her, “Why?”

“Why not?” Negan stammered, the lines in his forehead growing. “You’re important to me. That’s why.”

“Thank you?” she stopped, not sure exactly what to say now. There was too much that was going on between them. Things that he didn’t even know and this was starting to get to be too stressful for her. Reaching for her phone, she copied the address and loaded the directions to the place into her phone. Right now, Negan seemed pretty desperate for her attention and she shrugged. “Okay. Why don’t you walk with me to the store? That’s the most free time I’m able to give you right now. It’s only a few blocks away.”

“Yeah. I’d like that,” Negan stammered, moving closer beside her when she started heading for the door. “I would prefer more than just this, but I’ll take what I can get right now.”

There was a silence between them. He’d never been this desperate for her attention, “So…when is your meeting?”

“In two hours,” she educated him, not sure on the exact time. “I’m still trying to determine what he even wants me there for.”

Wincing out, the windchill that surrounded them when they stepped outside the building was extreme. It was cold causing her to pull her jacket in closer to her body, but even that wasn’t doing much for her. Attempting to warm up in the best way that she could, she took a sip of the latte that Negan had gotten for her.

“Thanks again for the drink,” she did want to show him that she appreciated the gesture. Hell, all she wanted from Negan was his attention for four years. Right now? He was giving it to her and proving that he still knew her enough to get her the drink that she actually liked. “It was a very nice gesture.”

“Of course. I’m sorry I haven’t done it more often. I should have gotten you shit when I brought things for Maggie,” Negan acknowledged, bobbing his head about. “You know what it’s like. You get with someone and your brain gets unilaterally focused on that person. Making you a fucking idiot.”

Just nodding, she didn’t want to comment on that one. She’d been a fucking moron for over eight years at this point with how in love she had been with Negan. So she understood that statement more than he would ever know.

“I uh…” Negan began, his words coming out unsure. Finishing off his drink, Negan was quick to throw it away before stepping back beside her. “I do kind of want to talk to you about something we talked about last night.”

“I was drunk Negan. We don’t need to talk about last night,” she stressed to him, hating that it happened to begin with. More than anything she wanted to pretend that last night didn’t happen. “I made a fool of myself in front of you and I’m very embarrassed about it. So I’m sorry for that happening.”

“You don’t have to apologize to me. At all,” Negan refused to accept her apology, his face scrunching up. “I feel like I should have been aware of these things. You meant so much to me for so long and I just…I had to have someone smack me so to fucking speak to realize what I wasn’t doing right as a friend. I needed you to wake my ass up.”

Silence followed. So much could have been said, but she didn’t know how to respond. They were almost to the store, but Negan held his hand out to stop her from continuing. Turning to face her, Negan grasped at her shoulders and gave her an empathetic look.

“I don’t think you are stupid, pathetic or undesirable,” Negan blurt out in response to some of the things she said last night. And it made her want to die on the inside that he was bringing this back up. Dropping her head down, her heart kickstarted in her chest when he brought up the one thing that she wished he would have forgotten.

“I can’t do this right now,” she pulled away from him, her face growing hotter with embarrassment. The store wasn’t too much further away. Hopefully when they got there she would be able to get away from Negan and he would just take the hint.

“You need to hear it,” Negan grunted from behind her trying to catch up with her noticing that she was desperate to escape him. “Please. I don’t think you are any of those things. I think you’re the most amazing woman that I know.”

“Oh, come on Negan,” she abruptly stopped walking, turning to face him with an angered expression. “Stop with the lies. You don’t have to keep lying to me in order to make me feel better about things. Because lying doesn’t help. I’ve had enough of that.”

“I’m not lying to you,” Negan defended himself, his voice growing raspier with him trying to get her to listen to him. “I do think you are the most amazing woman I know. You took a broken person and you made them open their eyes to what was important. Showed me that life was worth living. And what you’ve done for Jordyn…? No one would do that shit. I don’t know how you could assume I would think any of those things about you.”

Giving her a rather pathetic expression with his big, hazel eyes had her frowning, “Negan, you laughed at the idea of me asking you why you never made a move on me. I think that was more than enough proof of how you made me feel last night. I felt stupid. And undesirable. And pathetic. So, there’s that.”

“But it wasn’t…” Negan dropped his head back with a groan when she left him in front of the store by walking away. Following her into the store, Negan stood back to allow her to speak to someone about Guy sending her over.  Once Guy Vixen’s name was dropped, the employees were eager to work with her dragging her throughout the store, asking her questions about what she liked and her clothing sizes. “Y/N?”

“Negan,” she looked over her shoulder to see that he was still following her. Leaving him on the street she felt like was a sufficient enough end to their discussion. “This is not a good time.”

“I realize that, but…” Negan paused when the employee pulled out the dress that Guy had gotten for her. They had Y/N look it over before handing it over to her explaining that when she got it on, they would be able to help her with anything that didn’t look right. Heading over toward the area they had people try on the clothes, Negan felt his throat tensing up when they were alone. Y/N was gazing upon herself in one of the mirrors, holding the dress up to her body attempting to determine if she would look good in it or not. “Did you want me to make a move on you in the past?”

All the color drained from Y/N’s face and he could see it with her reflection in the mirror. Gazing over her shoulder, there was a sense of misery in her eyes and it had him shrugging his shoulders, “Did you?”

Instead of saying anything, she turned on her heel and let out an extended breath. Holding the dress in her arms, her lips parted, but she stopped herself several times from saying anything to him at all, “I think it’s too late to be asking questions like that. Don’t you?”

That shocked him. It wasn’t the answer that he was expecting from her. And she simply just stood there, shaking her head when she thought of what to say next, “If you would have wanted to make a move, you would have.”

“Not necessarily,” Negan interrupted her, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. There was that annoyed smirk again where she definitely thought he was lying just to blow smoke in order to make her feel better. But he held his hand up trying to make it known that he was being honest. “Y/N, you were my student. All four of those years. You heard my view on the whole professor and student thing when we were talking about what Shane was doing. Having a relationship with your student was an abuse of power and…”

“Right, I was just your student,” she hummed, her eyes narrowing with Negan standing before her speechless. Now she felt the tension and the anger coming back. The only problem? She couldn’t use the alcohol as an excuse with the snark she was undoubtedly about to give him. “Was it normal for a student and their professor to flirt like we did? Or how about me taking care of your daughter? What about us laying in your bed for hours talking to each other? I think we were way past a student and professor relationship.”

“So you did want me to make a move on you?” Negan pushed, his jaw flexing with an emotion she couldn’t quite read. Looking around, Negan noticed that the store was empty except for a few stray employees that weren’t paying attention. “Why didn’t you say anything to me? I kept flirting with you. And you said nothing. I genuinely thought you just wanted to be friends.”

“Oh, come on Negan. Please don’t blame me for this. Every woman wants to be romanced by the man that they are interested in. But they don’t want to scream it from the rooftops that they want you to like them,” she chuckled having Negan’s long eyelashes fluttering. “I flirted back with you. And there were times where I felt like you were going to kiss me, but then it always just felt like a tease. You didn’t want it and I understand that.”

“I was your professor,” he reminded her with a bit of color flooding into his face.

“Negan,” she held her hand up knowing that this discussion was a waste of time. Pointing toward the fitting room, she could barely even look him in the eyes right now. “I’m going to get changed. Please just leave.”

“Y/N…” Negan breathed out her name. He didn’t know what to say. And she didn’t want to hear it really.

Turning on her heel, she went into the changing room and left Negan out there. It wasn’t the time or place for this. It was too much. Getting emotional right now wasn’t in the playing cards. It couldn’t happen. Not with the first chance that Guy was actually giving her.

Setting her things down, she pulled her jacket off and tossed it to the corner of the room. Getting her shirt up over the lengths of her body, she tossed the material aside toward the rest of her things. Gasping out, she heard the sound of the door behind her being pushed opened. Looking back over her shoulder, she saw that it was Negan that was moving into her fitting room with her.

“Negan!” she felt her face getting hot, reaching for the shirt that she had tossed in attempts to cover herself up with it. Then again, she didn’t know why she was bothering. It wasn’t helping all that much. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“I’m not leaving until we talk about things,” Negan whispered, closing the door behind him. Leaning back against it, his hazel eyes locked on hers with her covering her chest. A smirk tugged at his handsome features and he tipped his head to the side. “You’ve seen me naked Y/N.”

“Not by choice,” she half laughed with Negan folding his arms in front of his chest. Thankfully this changing room was big enough for them to be separated, but still. If someone noticed him coming into the room she wasn’t sure how the store would handle it. “I saw you naked because you were fucking the person that was living in the same apartment as me. And she liked to flaunt off your big dick in my face just to rub it in that you were hers.”

“You think it’s big?” Negan grunted, a wicked smirk tugging at his features. God, of course that was the only thing he heard in her statement.

“You’re such a man,” she rolled her eyes, sighing loudly before she tossed the material of her shirt aside. At this point, she didn’t even care that he saw her in her bra. “You already know the answer to that question. You just want to hear me say it’s big so you can get arrogant about things.”

“I didn’t realize you were looking,” Negan stressed, bobbing his head back and forth. “Does that mean you liked what you saw?”

“You were walking naked around the apartment all the time,” she was flustered with him, reminding him of what it was like when she lived with Maggie in their apartment together. “Kind of hard to miss. And don’t even start with that.”

“Fine, you don’t want to talk about that. We don’t have to. But, I still don’t think it’s fair that you get to see me naked and it’s no big deal. Whereas I just want to talk to you while you change and suddenly you have so many issues,” Negan argued, throwing his hand about seeing something change in her eyes. Nodding, she started to work open her pants after kicking out of her shoes. “I want to know why you didn’t talk to me about things back then.”

“Would you have cared?” she pushed down the material of her pants causing Negan to let out a tense breath. Folding her clothes up, she closed the distance between the two of them and shrugged. Standing before Negan in her bra and panties was not exactly something she had on her bingo card for today. “Because I don’t think you would have given a fuck. I was right there for the taking and you didn’t do a fucking thing.”

“I just…” Negan swallowed down hard, dropping his head to look between the two of them. Gazing at her breasts, Negan’s breathing grew broken and she laughed. Forcing himself to look up, Negan’s Adam’s apple bounced. Licking at his lips, Negan felt the warmth of her body close to his. “What?”

“I’m just starting to realize that my breasts are more impressive than I thought,” she explained considering the fact that Guy turned into an absolute mess last night over them. And both Negan along with Shane said something. “Or maybe men are just predictable.”

“We are, but that’s not what this is about,” Negan stammered, his lips parting when she stepped slowly away from him. Since he knew she was about to get dressed, he didn’t know if it would be inappropriate or not to continue to be this way. “Do you want me to turn around?”

“Do you want to turn around? You’re the one that barged in here complaining about how it wasn’t fair that I’ve seen you naked,” she reminded him of what he had just said to her, having his dimples becoming more prominent with the smirk he was giving her. “I guess I’m just having a hard time believing that it took you eight years to realize how I felt about you.”

“I was married for two of them. A mess for one of them,” Negan reminded her with her nodding her head about dramatically.

“And dating my best friend for four of them,” she finished up for him, sucking in a sharp breath of air. “And the sad thing is that I would have done fucking anything for you. I pretty much have when you really think about it.”

“What are you doing?” Negan stammered, biting down on his bottom lip when she reached behind her for the hook in her bra. The material loosened and his long eyelashes fluttered with his eyes lowering down.

“I need the bra off in order to wear the dress Negan,” she claimed, still keeping the material loose at her arms. Even though it was undone, she was still managing to cover her breasts. “If you would like to leave, you can turn around right now and wait for me to be done.”

Standing his ground, Negan lifted his head. The vein at the side of his neck slightly bulged while staring out at her. Snickering, she shrugged her shoulders and let the material drop down. Allowing her breasts to be revealed to him had him inhaling loudly. The reaction was almost immediate with his lips parting.

“If you’re going to stay in here, I could probably use your help getting the dress on,” she explained to him pointing over toward the dress. Standing before him in just her panties was bold. Likely the wrong thing to do, but he was the one that wasn’t leaving and she was on a schedule here. After all the embarrassment she went through over the last day or so? Right now, she didn’t seem to have a care in the world that she was just about naked in front of Negan except for her panties.

“Yeah,” Negan simply said, dragging his tongue across his bottom lip again. Stepping before the mirror in the dressing room, she started to gaze upon the dress. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed that Negan had taken his jacket off and put it on one of the hangers. Instead of staying where he was, Negan moved toward her. Each step was slow with her straightening up her posture. Going to look back, she stopped when Negan’s arm loosely hooked around her torso. Faintly his hand skimmed in over her lower abdomen having her let out a tremoring breath. “I’ve always thought you were beautiful Y/N.”

She wanted to say something smart. But nothing came out.

The tips of his fingers were rough when they made further contact with the area right below her navel. Now the warmth of him behind her grew closer. Closing her eyes tightly, she knew that she was trembling beneath Negan’s touch with him caressing up over her ribcage and across her abdomen. Forcing her eyes open, she saw Negan’s eyes locked on her reactions in the mirror. There was something in his hazel eyes that showed an awe for her. Negan’s lips were parted, his breathing loud in her ear. Easing his touch up higher, he dragged his palm flat across her abdomen right beneath her breasts.

Dropping his head forward, Negan nuzzled his nose against the side of her neck taking in the scent of her. With a moan, she felt his hand drag back across her chest with the roughness of his palm now caressing over her breasts.

Kissing at her jawline faintly, Negan growled against her flesh with his index finger circling one of her nipples, “You are so beautiful.”

“Negan,” her head dropped back against his shoulder as he dragged his palm across to the other breast to cup it tenderly in his hand. Whimpering, she didn’t know how to respond. Had she never waken up and this was still a dream? It felt all so real, but at the same time? After how long her feelings festered for Negan, this just felt like something her brain would have come up with to help make last night better.

Testing the flesh in his grasp, a growl fell from his lips with him pressing another kiss over her jawline. Pinching at her nipple, he followed it up with circling it teasing at her flesh with his rough fingertips. Quiet cries escaped from her parted lips. In a way, they were both still being quiet since they were in public. Pushing his hand down between the valley of her breasts, Negan lifted his eyes to watch her expressions.

Sliding his hand down the middle of her abdomen toward the top of her panties, Negan pushed his hand beneath the material hearing her whimpering out his name. It drew a fire throughout his body with her left hand reaching around the hook slightly around the back of his neck. Stroking her fingers through his hair, her body trembled when he palmed in over her mound.

Waiting for her to deny him, Negan buried his nose further against the side of her neck. Caressing over her most intimate area, Negan let out a raspy moan with her hips pressing back and her ass rubbing up against him. It was the most gifting thing she could have asked for from him. Only in her dreams had she heard him like this, and those were nothing in comparison.

“Fuck,” he rumbled, kissing at her neck. With her free hand, she reached around her. Flattening her palm out over the front of his pants, she caressed at his body through the material. Bouncing his hips forward into her touch, Negan’s index finger dragged a line over the length of her sex. On trembling legs, she purred and tried not to shake too much.

Working his pants open as best as she could, she dipped her hand beneath the material of Negan’s pants. Their breathing was uneven, with both of them shaking. The roughness from Negan’s short beard tickled at her skin and once she palmed over Negan’s warm flesh, she could feel his fingertips circling her clitoris. With her touch, Negan was rewarding her with tiny moans. The warmth of him felt incredible against her hand with him slightly bucking up toward her touch. Each passing second had Negan’s caress over her body growing harder and she was doing her best to stand steady on her feet.

“Fuck…” Negan’s voice was raspy with her fingers curling around his girthy length, working to jerk him off to the best of her ability in the position that they were in. Panting, Negan licked his lips and his eyes met hers again in the mirror. Dragging his bottom lip across her jawline, Negan hissed out along with her grasp tightening around his body.

“How’s it going in there?” the employee’s voice called out having Y/N pulling her hand from Negan’s pants causing a muted groan to fall from him. Reaching for Negan’s wrist, she stopped his touch with him still cuddling his head in against the side of her neck. “Do you need some help?”

“No, I’m fine,” she declared, fighting like hell to keep it together after the way they had been touching each other. Listening carefully, she made sure that the person was gone. Still locked in on the moment, Negan’s caress started back up. There was something that drew attention to the lust in his eyes. “Negan…fuck, Negan stop.”

Yanking his hand from her panties, she stumbled forward. Bracing her arms against the mirror, she dropped her head forward and tried to get her body to calm down. Licking her lips, she felt an ache inside of her. All of her desperately wanted to continue, but she knew it would lead to nothing good.

“We can’t do this,” she finally blurt out, looking over her shoulder at Negan. Both of their breathing was still uneven. The bulge at the center of Negan’s pants drew her attention and she immediately regretted that she stopped this, but knew it was for the best. “You don’t want this.”

“I just…” Negan lifted his hand to drag it down over the front of his face in a moment of confusion. Falling back into the corner of the room, Negan’s eyes grew wide with him cussing under his breath to himself. Starting to work back together his pants allowed her time to catch her breath. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” she lied. It really wasn’t fine, but what could she tell him? Working on the dress, she had some issues, but was surprised that Negan was helping to get the dress over her body. Even though they both had realized what they had done, Negan’s fingers were slow with caressing at her bare shoulders and then over her back. Dragging the zipper up, Negan’s eyes locked with hers. There was a rose color to his cheeks. It looked like he wanted to say something, but nothing was coming out. “Thank you.”

Taking a step back to look at herself in the mirror, she realized that it was tight fitting in some areas, but she assumed those were the areas that Guy wanted her to be focused on.

“What just happened…” Negan began, dragging his thumb out across his bottom lip.

“It was nothing,” she interrupted him, not wanting him to overthink this whole thing. “I had been working you up since last night. It was a moment of heated tension, and it didn’t go anywhere. Don’t worry about it. You were feeling guilty about everything…”

“But I wasn’t,” Negan defended himself, placing his hand in over the center of his chest. A defeated sound followed with her phone going off. Grabbing it, she looked to see that it was Guy asking where she was. “I think we need to talk about us.”

“There is no us in the terms of us needing to talk about it,” she suggested, taking another look at the dress in the mirror. “Do I look okay? Because I have to rush to this meeting.”

Right now, she was breathless. It was going to be hard to think about anything other than this moment while she was in that meeting. Facing Maggie would be hard, but it was undoubtedly a moment she would have to get over. There was a reason they were stopped and they probably should have never done it to begin with.

“You look beautiful,” Negan assured her, reaching for his jacket as she gathered her things. Dropping his hands down at his sides, Negan licked his lips and let out a long exhale. “You wanted me to touch you like that, right?”

“Did you want to touch me like that?” she was quick to respond, pulling her jacket on after shoving her clothes in the bag that she had with her.

“I mean…” Negan lowered his head to look down to the very obvious bulge that was still in his jeans. There was a severe ache from the lack of his release and she was the one that stopped him. Not the other way around. “Obviously.”

“Why now and not four years ago?” she stammered with Negan attempting to think of an answer, but the sound of her phone going off was heard again. Rolling her eyes, she dropped her head back in defeat realizing this would go nowhere. “I have to leave Negan.”

Stepping forward, he huffed with her holding out her hand to keep a distance between the two of them, “I have a feeling that later you are going to regret this. Especially after you have time to think about this. So, I’m just going to leave Negan. I have to go.”

And with that, she was quick to leave the dressing room. Checking to make sure everything was okay with the store, she was eager to get back to the office. That meant she took whatever shoes they gave her, put on the jewelry they handed over and she barely even looked at herself. Moving faster than she would have liked to in the shoes that she had put on. In the snow, it made it hard to walk, but she was doing her best.

By the time she got up the elevator, Guy was sitting on the corner of someone’s desk motioning her to move quickly, “What took you so long?”

“I just wanted to make sure that I looked perfect,” she was out of breath both from what happened with Negan and rushing here.

“Open the jacket,” Guy demanded with her doing as he asked. Giving an approving nod, he waved her forward. “I want you to be relaxed. I want you to do what feels right and where we go from there…we’ll see.”

----

“You’re really quiet tonight,” a voice pulled Negan’s attention from what he was doing. Lifting his head, Negan’s eyes followed Maggie’s movements after she had just gotten out of his bathroom after a shower. She was stroking the towel she had through her hair and Negan shifted on the bed uncomfortably.

For the last hour or so Negan had been going through photos that he had on his phone. Y/N was right. Once he started thinking about the things that happened earlier, he started feeling guilty. He had been with Maggie for four years. Not once had he ever considered cheating on Maggie. After he had a tough relationship with Lucille during some of their hardships, Negan swore he would never cheat on someone again. Yet, he got pretty close to it and he was certain that Maggie would have considered it cheating.

“I’m not quiet,” Negan stammered, trying to keep things normal between them. “Just tired.”

“You’re a big mouth Negan,” Maggie pointed out, looking back over her shoulder at Negan. Tipping his head from side to side, Negan got more comfortable on the bed before looking to his phone again. “What has your head buried in that phone tonight?”

“I was just looking at some photos,” Negan explained letting out a long sigh. Truthfully? He was looking at photos he had taken during the years involving Y/N. “Around this time of the year, I get sentimental. Especially after losing Lucille near the holidays.”

“That’s sweet,” Maggie frowned, setting the towel she had been using to dry her hair off on his dresser. Tensing up, Negan’s hazel eyes focused on that towel. He hated when she did things like that, but she had gotten mad at him so many times in the past for correcting her that he was doing his best to hold it in. Making sure that the towel that was around her body was still hooked together firmly, Maggie lowered down on the bed to sit beside Negan. “So what was the conversation about with Y/N that you were desperate to talk to her?”

“I told you…” Negan exhaled loudly, setting his phone aside when Maggie’s fingers pushed at the bottom of his shirt. Getting it to the center of his chest, Maggie started palming across his lower abdomen eliciting a sigh from him. Sliding in closer, her fingers danced across his flesh until reaching his pajama pants. Pushing her hand beneath the material had Negan’s eyes slamming shut tightly when her fingers made contact with his manhood. “There are some things you need to keep to yourself.”

“I’m not allowed to be curious? My best friend and my boyfriend are deep in conversation and I’m not allowed to know what about?” Maggie bit down on her bottom lip, taking her time to tease at Negan’s flesh.

“You can be curious, but that doesn’t mean that I have to tell you,” Negan looked to the time to make sure that Jordyn would be asleep. It had been a few hours since she had gone to bed, so Negan assumed it would be okay for them to do something like this. Maggie’s grip grew with Negan’s comment causing him to groan out. “Why are you so desperate to know?”

“Well what am I supposed to think when the two of you keep secrets from me?” she wondered, adjusting her wet hair over her shoulder. Each caress over Negan’s body had him growing harder in her grasp which was a good sign for her.

“We’re good friends Maggie,” Negan stressed to her, his breathing growing louder with her caress becoming faster. Between broken breaths, Negan licked at his lips appreciating the touch. “I knew her before I knew you.  And we’re close…”

“Not that close,” Maggie countered, her brow line creasing. There was a silence that filled the air while she considered her next comment. “Maybe before you were dating me the two of you were close. Since then, she’s really only around for Jordyn.”

“And that’s my fault because I should have been a better friend,” Negan insisted, his lower abdomen sinking in with a sharp inhale of a breath. “I should have put equal amounts of time into both you and her.”

“Gee, thanks,” Maggie snorted working her hand harder over Negan’s throbbing erection. Hearing that didn’t make her happy because she liked being the center of Negan’s world beyond his daughter.

“You know what I mean,” Negan rolled his eyes, dropping his head back with a moan. Licking his lips, his eyes slammed shut when Maggie started to tug at the material of his pants to get them down in the front allowing her more room to touch him. “Maggie?”

“Mhmm?” her eyes were focused on what she was doing in pumping her hand over his length.

“What was it about me that you liked?” Negan wondered, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. It was something he had been considering lately. An amused rumble escaped her with her movements slowing down. “What drew you to me?”

“You were hot?” Maggie was blunt, a tiny laugh following. “Have you looked at yourself lately Negan? You were this tall, dark and handsome type. With a killer smile and those dimples. Who wouldn’t be interested in you?”

“That’s it?” Negan winced when her movements stopped all together. It had his hips bouncing up toward her grasp, but she didn’t continue.

“What else would it be?” she inquired, her eyebrow arching in a moment of confusion.

“I didn’t know if there was some ulterior motive,” Negan whined when Maggie pulled her hand away from his aching flesh.

“What kind of motive?” Maggie looked suspicious now that Negan was questioning why she hooked up with him in the first place. “I thought you were hot. So I let you know and we fucked. What more is there to say?”

“I…I don’t know,” Negan let his words linger. There were a lot of thoughts he had been having since the other night. Things he really shouldn’t have been thinking about, but he was. “What’s your favorite thing about me?”

“What’s with the deep conversation all of a sudden?” she laughed, curling her fingers back around his girthy length having his hips arch up toward her touch. “Usually we talk about our day and either fuck or go to sleep. Our relationship has never really been built on much more.”

“That’s all you think our relationship is?” Negan confirmed, sucking in a sharp breath of air and dropping his head back.

“What do you want from this Negan? Do you want me to keep jerking you off? Do you want me to have sex with you? Or…?” Maggie seemed frustrated, her green eyes narrowing. Pulling her hand from Negan’s member had it smacking up against his lower abdomen with him wincing. “You’re not acting like you.”

“How am I supposed to act?” Negan scoffed with his cock aching after getting it harder for the second time today with no release.

“I don’t know Negan, I’m in a towel stroking your dick and you’re looking for some kind of deep conversation from me,” she retorted, standing up from the bed and snatching the towel that she had left on the dresser. “Maybe you should be taking the towel off of me and fucking me.”

“So sex is the primary thing you want from me?” Negan doubled down on his question which had her laughing at him.

Tossing the towel in the hamper, she threw her hands up and nodded, “I mean having sex is what we do best. Right?”

“Is it?” Negan had a bit of attitude in the way he was responding to her. “If we’re going to be a couple for the rest of our lives, don’t you think we should have some kind of something fucking deeper between us? Where we can actually talk about the things that are on our mind.”

“Baby,” Maggie began, crawling onto the bed. Moving in over him, she lowered down to start pressing kisses at his lower abdomen. Then down over to his hip where the v-line was. “You’re not a deep person. You cuss. You joke. And we fuck. The only deep you like is being balls deep. Fucking is what you’re good at. Being someone who wants to connect on an emotional level is not you. We got together because you wanted to fuck me. Not because you wanted to connect on an emotional level. If that’s what you wanted, you would have hooked up with Y/N. Not me.”

“Hey,” Negan stopped her, his head tipping to the side. “Why would you say something like that?”

“Come on Negan,” she half laughed, hovering her mouth over Negan’s length. Her green eyes were locked on his, an amused expression over her features. “You had to know that Y/N was head over heels in love with you. You had four years of an opportunity to make your move on her. You didn’t want her, you wanted me. She was the one you could make an emotional connection with. I was the one that you could fuck senseless. You picked me.”

Hearing Maggie say that aloud had Negan pulling up into a seated position with his back leaning against the headboard, “Oh come on. Don’t pretend like you didn’t know. You think some girl is just going to start being mommy to your child because she’s good and kindhearted? You knew she was in love with you. And you made it very clear that you didn’t care.”

“I didn’t know how she felt about me back then,” Negan denied that he was the way that Maggie was insisting that he was. “The first two years I was married and then the next two…”

“What is this going to do?” she got on her knees, irritation flooding her veins. “You’re not about to convince me. She’s not here, so her feelings aren’t going to be hurt. I know for a fact that she was head over heels in love with you. I was her best friend after all. I heard it all the time how in love with you she was. How you were the most perfect man. How she connected with you better than anyone. How the two of you would talk for hours and hours. You weren’t looking for an emotional bond. You were looking for a sexual one. Because I know she let you know how desperate she was for you to like her. Considering every outfit. Doing everything just to impress you. The girl even considered going into film just because of you.”

“You knew how she felt and you started dating me?” Negan breathed out, a sudden surge of guilt flooding through is veins. Now he was understanding why Y/N was talking about things the way she was over the last few days. These were real feelings that even Maggie seemed to be confirming for him right now.

Rolling her eyes, Maggie started kissing up over Negan’s abdomen toward the center of his chest, “You knew how she felt and you started dating me. It’s pot calling the kettle black, isn’t it? You took advantage of her kindness because you weren’t attracted to her. I took advantage of you because you were hot and she was doing nothing to make her move on you. Or maybe she was and you just didn’t want to. Either way, we’re bad people Negan.”

Lifting his hips up, Negan started to pull his pants back over his body. Moving out from underneath Maggie had her releasing an annoyed rumble, “Please don’t act like you’re above this. You’re a lot of things, but stupid is not one of them. Don’t act like you didn’t know.”

“You sound proud of it,” Negan stressed to her and she threw her hand up in the air. “Hurting your best friend makes you happy?”

“She had her time to make her move on you. I saw you and I knew that I had to have you because you were hot. She had four years. Nothing. I had two weeks and I had you immediately,” Maggie reminded Negan getting to her knees on the bed before him. Tugging at the towel that she was wearing, she allowed it to drop down onto the bed. “You didn’t want a deep, emotional relationship with someone you bonded with. You wanted someone that you could fuck that made you feel good.”

Leaning back against the dresser, Negan huffed loudly while considering what she was saying, “Why don’t you just grab a condom and fuck me. Get this aggression out. I know you like to play the good guy with things, but we both know you’re a shitty person Negan. So just be you and stop pretending to be this person that we both know you’re not.”

Waiting, Maggie wiggled her finger at Negan with a wicked smirk tugging at her pretty features. Turning, she lowered down onto her hands and knees. Pressing her hands against the bed, she put her face down and her ass up to tease him.

“So do what you do best Negan. Shut up and fuck me,” she demanded hearing Negan’s breathing growing louder. With a wince, Maggie heard Negan move forward swiftly and he grabbed her hips firmly. Purring out, she felt Negan’s hand placing at the back of her neck to get her to press her face further into the bed. “That’s it…”

“No,” Negan growled releasing her and moving away from the bed. Groaning out, she sat up in the bed and pulled her towel back on when she stood from the bed. “I’m more than just a fuck. And I refuse to believe I’m some kind of prick that used a girl to take care of my daughter…”

“What did you do then Negan?” she watched him drop onto the chair at the corner of the room beside the light that was there. Digging into his pants that he had taken off earlier, Negan pulled out a cigarette and she huffed. “You made a girl fall in love with you and then you fucked her best friend. At least own up to it. Realize that’s who you are and you can’t change it. Being a single parent at the time was too hard for you, so you found the first sucker you could get. And with how much she loved you? It was easy.”

“You weren’t around, you don’t know,” Negan growled putting his cigarette between his lips. Cussing out, Negan couldn’t get the lighter to light his cigarette. Stealing it from him, Maggie managed to get his cigarette lit. With a glare, Negan inhaled sharply and winced when he pulled the cigarette away with a big exhale of smoke. “I could barely get out of bed. I was ready to fucking die. And she saved my life. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be here anymore. My daughter wouldn’t have either one of her parents.”

“Okay, so now that you know she was in love with you. What are you going to do? Leave me for her?” Maggie pushed, wondering if her comment was going to backfire on her. There seemed to be a lot of emotions that Negan was feeling right now and it wasn’t how she thought he would be responding to things. “After four years are you just going to dump me to be with her?”

“Obviously not,” Negan winced with Maggie crawling in over him. Dropping his head back, Negan didn’t fight Maggie when she started working his cock through the opening of his pajama pants. Closing his eyes, Negan groaned when Maggie lowered down in over him taking him into her. Hooking her fingers into his dark hair, Maggie forced him to look at her and he pulled his cigarette from his lips. “I wouldn’t throw away a four-year relationship over…”

“Nothing?” Maggie finished for him causing him to grunt. Taking her time to roll her hips in over Negan, she heard his breathing uneven and he still looked mad. “Now that we’re on that point, I do think that she may be too involved in our lives.”

Burying her head against the side of Negan’s neck, Maggie moaned out against his flesh, “She acts like she is Jordyn’s mother…and she’s not.”

Biting down on his bottom lip, Negan felt Maggie tugging at the hair at the back of his head while her movements grew stronger over him, “It’s time you let her get her hopes up and know that she’s not welcome in this family. She’s just our friend. Nothing more.”

“Stop,” Negan demanded, sucking in a sharp breath of air. Groaning out, Maggie started to firmly bounce her hips back against him having Negan tossing his cigarette in the ashtray. Grasping at her hips, Negan growled with her forcing his arms back against the chair. “I said stop, damn it.”

“You don’t want me to stop,” she asserted, her moans vibrating against Negan’s ear. Bouncing her hips back against his length had his winces flooding the area surrounding them. “You’re mine Negan. You know that.”

Nipping at Negan’s earlobe, Maggie forced his wrists further back against the chair with Negan’s breaths growing louder, “It’s my pussy you wanted to fuck. And it’s been that way for four years.”

Hooking her fingers around Negan’s wrists with her right hand, she lowered her left and grabbed a firm hold of Negan’s jaw. Forcing him to look at her, Maggie pressed her forehead to his with the wet sounds their bodies made filling the air, “You’re mine. And she’s just going to have to deal with it.”

“Fuck…” Negan winced, his heart hammering in his chest with the way she was moving over him. Even if he was fighting it, it was hard. After being denied an orgasm twice today, his body was desperate to have one. But mentally? He didn’t want this. Not after she just accused him of being a massive piece of shit that purposely hurt someone he cared about. “Get off me.”

“Let it happen Negan,” she purred against the side of his neck, riding him harder. By the sounds of his moans, she knew that he was close so she was working extra hard to get what she wanted.

With a roar, Negan managed to get his hands unhooked from her grasp. Forcing her hips from him just in time, the first line of Negan’s cum spread out across his lower abdomen. Groaning out, Negan dropped his head back with his breathing uneven as his cock twitched through the rest of his release.

“Being greedy tonight, fine,” Maggie got up from the chair and reached for her towel to put it back on. Tossing Negan the tissues had him hissing out.

“She’s the closest thing to a mother my daughter has,” Negan finally responded to what Maggie had said earlier, working to clean himself up. “I’m not going to take that away from Jordyn. One thing has been constant in her life other than me and that’s Y/N. She may not be Jordyn’s biological mother, but I will never separate the two of them.”

“Whatever then,” Maggie knew it was no use to keep bothering with the situation since Negan seemed to be so sensitive over it. “But you’re just dragging her along. I’m sure she’s really happy being the mother to your child without you going balls deep and pumping her full of your cum.”

“Mature Maggie,” Negan threw the tissues in the garbage, working himself back into his pants.

“Like you’re mature at all,” she countered as she got dressed in something to wear. Huffing out, she pressed back her hair and realized that Negan was having a hard time even looking at her. “You could have at least let me make myself come. It’s not really all that fair to let you orgasm, but I don’t get one.”

“Oh, so now you want to have unprotected sex with me?” Negan countered with an angered expression. “You were the one always so insistent that you didn’t want me to come in you because you didn’t want to get pregnant. You don’t want my babies Maggie. You said that yourself.”

“I’m on the pill Negan,” she reminded him getting a huff in response. “I’m just not ready for children yet. I want them, but I’d like to be more comfortable in my career by the time that we have them. And being married to you might be a thing to think about if you want children.”

“Oh, so now you’re comfortable with being married to me?” Negan responded, standing up from the chair that he was seated in. Resting his hands at his hips, Negan was visibly starting to get angrier. “Two years ago when I asked you to marry me, you told me no. You don’t even want to fucking move in with me.”

“I wasn’t ready then,” she stressed to him with Negan rolling his eyes and moving back to the bed to drop down onto it. “Now I might be.”

“You weren’t when I asked the first time, but now you might be,” Negan snickered, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. “I think you should help Y/N get further ahead in your company. Being your personal assistant isn’t really a job that was made for her.”

“Wow, that was a quick change of subject. Talking about our relationship to going back to Y/N,” Maggie frowned, dropping down on the bed beside Negan. Yanking the blankets out beneath him had him huffing angrily. “I would never do that because she sucks at her job. She’s lucky that I gave her a job in the first place. Guy wouldn’t even see her originally.”

“She sucks at her job?” Negan repeated what Maggie had said, the muscles in his throat flexing with her blurting that out. “Something tells me that’s not true because I was there when Guy demanded her be in the meeting today. If someone was bad at their job, I don’t think they would be being asked to be part of that meeting.”

“Oh, he only wants to fuck her,” Maggie rolled her eyes, turning away from Negan and getting comfortable in the bed. That was the second time he heard that today. Y/N had thought the same thing earlier.

“Does that mean she did a bad job during the meeting today?” Negan inquired, waving his hand about in the air in attempts to get Maggie to tell him about things. Earlier he had texted Y/N, but she had never gotten back to him. And that did upset him. Especially after everything that happened between them.

“She’s your good friend. Why don’t you go call her and find out yourself?” Maggie snorted cuddling her head further into the pillow. Hearing the way Maggie was talking, Negan was starting to understand why Y/N was having the feelings that she was toward Maggie.

“She asked me to help her get a job in the film industry you know,” Negan blurt out having Maggie push up onto her hands to look over at Negan. There seemed to be a sense of panic flooding her features with Negan admitting that to her. “Told me that she was unhappy working for you.”

“And what did you tell her?” Maggie looked like she was going to get sick with Negan letting her in on the information that he likely should have kept to himself.

“I told her that I didn’t have contacts like I did before,” Negan explained with Maggie rolling her eyes and letting out a laugh.

“Well that’s bullshit,” she almost found amusement in Negan lying to Y/N about that. “They are constantly begging you to come back and work with them,” Maggie reminded Negan, pulling herself up into a seated position. “See, you don’t think she would be a good enough employee either.”

“I panicked. Especially after how much you bitch about her,” Negan was honest with Maggie throwing his hands up in the air. For years she would come home and complain to him about Y/N and how awful she was. For a while his mind actually started to believe it in terms of her career. “I told her that in order to make that happen, I would have to put myself on the line and…”

“Good boy,” Maggie outstretched her hand to pat Negan on the chest eliciting a defeated breath from him. “She’s where she belongs Negan. Don’t feel bad. You made the right decision. As soon as Guy fucks her, he’s not going to be interested anymore. And she’ll fall back into place.”

“You told me that she was a bad worker. You’ve been saying that for years,” Negan recalled all the things that Maggie had been telling him since they were together. “I know her better than that, but I just allowed myself to believe you because…”

“Oh shut up Negan,” she rolled her eyes lowering down onto the bed again to get comfortable. “You made your decision. If you didn’t believe me and you thought that she would be good you would have gotten her the job. Instead you told her no. Which good for you for standing up for yourself. It’s what she deserves. To be put in her place. Her egos way too big.”

“So Guy really does want to have sex with her?” Negan brought up what Maggie had said with Maggie snorting under her breath. “Y/N said the same thing. Said that today wasn’t something to be excited about because she just thought Guy wanted to have sex with her.”

“And he will,” Maggie slurred, dropping her head down further into the pillow. “Guy gets what he wants and if she wants to keep working at Vixen, she will do whatever he wants. And she’ll probably enjoy it. He’s a hot guy. It’ll be the biggest thing to happen to her. So…”

Huffing out, Negan dropped his head back again and looked up at the ceiling. Today had been a rough day and he had a headache. There were so many feelings and emotions he was going through and he didn’t even know where to begin in dealing with them.

----

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[watarfallar]

Merry Christmas to those who celebrate! *holds out this post*

Grian, grinning: I have a knife! Scar: Put it down, Grian. Grian: Make me! sprints away

Grian: What's the most illegal thing you can do with one dollar? Scar: Exchange it for a hundred pennies, put them all in a sock, and then beat someone to death with it.

Scar: Can you be serious for five minutes? Grian: My record is four, but I think I can do it.

Scar: Are you an F5 key? Because that ass is refreshing. Grian: Are you a software update? because not right now.

Grian: Hey, can you do me a favor? Scar: Sorry, I have to go do literally anything other than this. Grian: You don’t even have a legitimate reason? Scar: Oh, no, I do. Grian: Well, what is it? Scar: You see, I simply don’t give a fuck.

Grian, holding a box of Lunchables: Ah, I loved these when I was your age… fine dining. Scar: Fix yourself.

Scar: Okay, help me, please! Grian: Got two words for you. Scar: I bet they won't be helpful. Grian: Your problem. Scar: I was right.

Grian: Can I borrow five dollars? Scar: If you’re only borrowing it, does that mean you’ll pay me back? Grian: Of course. Grian: Not directly, but with my love and affection. Scar: So that’s a no.

Grian: Wow, did you hear that voice crack? Scar: That wasn't a voice crack, that was a whole voice meth.

Scar: …My man Grian just killed a goldfish. Grian: licking their lips Yup. Delicious.

Scar: I just got the best idea I've ever had in my entire life! Later Grian, to Scar: That was the worst idea you’ve ever had in your entire life.

Scar: Grian, you need to calm down. Grian, slamming their fists on the table: BUT HOW CAN IT BE "BIRTHDAY CAKE" FLAVOR IF A BIRTHDAY CAKE CAN BE ANY FLAVOR?!

Scar: I’m proud to say I’ve come over my fear of ghosts! Grian: Eyy, that’s the spirit! Scar: gasps whErE???!!!??

Scar: So you're looking for information on this thing, huh? Well, I feel like it must be from far away. Grian: What makes you say that? Scar: If it's something even I don't know about, then I'm sure nobody else must have a clue. So it's gotta be from some faraway place. Impeccable reasoning, isn't it? Grian: Scar… You don't have a clue about this thing, do you? Scar: screams in anger

Grian: Scar, you look deep in thought. What’s wrong? Scar: Did you know you can look at any object and know what it’s like to lick it? Even if you’ve never touched it before? Grian: I’m never asking you anything ever again.

Grian, looking at their reflection: Now, that's rubbish. Who's that supposed to be? Scar: Well, that's you. Grian: Me?! Is that what I look like? Scar: You don't know? Grian: Busy day.

Grian: Good morning! Scar: Is it? Is it really?

Grian: Urrrgh…I’ve never felt so sick in my entire life… Scar: Ouch. Shit sucks, man. Grian: I feel like I’m dying… Whyyyy… Scar, under their breath: Because I want to go back to some peace and quiet in this house. Grian:,/b> …DID YOU FUCKING POISON ME-

Scar: Pick a card, any card. Grian: Fine. Scar: Wait, that's my credit card! Grian: You said any card.

Scar: I’m going to get so much done today. Grian: I’ll hold you to that. 8 hours later Grian: So how much did you get done? Scar: One thing. Grian: Well, that’s one more than usual.

Scar: I wouldn’t put it in those words exactly. Grian: Why not? Scar: Because I don't know what they mean.

Scar: When did you become a hero? Grian: Um… the moment I saved you from getting killed. Scar: You’re the last person on earth I wanted to rescue me. Grian: Well… sucks to be you, don’t it.

Grian: You’re a horrible person! Scar: Maybe. But I’m rich and I’m pretty, so it doesn’t really matter.

Grian: Pulls a glass a water from out of nowhere Scar: Where did you get that? Grian: My pocket. Scar: How do you keep a glass of water in your pocket? Grian: Skills.

Scar with a gun to Grian's head: What happens if I pull this trigger? Heaven? Grian: Bold of you to assume I'll go to Heaven.

Scar: That sounds super! Doesn’t that sound super, Grian? Grian: No. Scar: I think I speak for Grian when I say it sounds really super.

Scar: Are pigeons drones? Grian: What? No, I'm trying to sleep. Scar: Think about it. How come you've never seen a baby pigeon? And why do you never actually see a pigeon nest? Because they're DRONES! Grian: Crying Please let me sleep…

[koalapastries-writes]

*coughcough* lando/kimi/ollie/oscar/lance/yuki (separate not polyam lol) and their reactions to a) reader leaving them limping and b) readers back being a scratched up MESS

(sorry if this is too much 🤪)

love ya (hehehehehehehe) 😘

-bear ❤️

love you bear <3

under cut bc nsfw. obviously.

kimi antonelli:

at first he's soooooo bitter about not being able to walk normally

he's cussing you out in italian under his breath

i mean he literally told you he wanted you to go as hard as you could

but he doesn't like dealing with the consequences of his actions

he's making the most exaggerated wincing faces whenever he passes you with his limp

you don't say anything for a while

but when he starts being too much of a brat

you'll take your shirt off and turn around to show him the deep red lines going down the length of your back

kimi's blushing like crazy but

he's also proud

like yeah

his bf is so good you got him to do THAT to you without even knowing it

lance stroll:

i've said it before and i'll say it again

lance is a princess

more than that, he's your princess

which means you leave him limping frequently, and he leaves intricately scratched patterns on your back just as often

he'll be so whiny and demanding about it but in a cute way?

like he doesn't really need much. he asks you to lie down on your stomach while he takes a picture of your back for his collection, asks you to carry him to the sofa and get him some food

and then he's pretty content to watch a tv show while you do whatever because he can still see you

the only hard and fast rule is that you must never wear a shirt at home when your back's scratched up

be proud of his work please and thank you

lando norris:

brat

you know how the most pampered dog in existence sighs like he's had the most terribly horrible pathetic life

that's what lando does

he'll sleep later than you, so you're already dressed by the time he wakes up

you bring him breakfast in bed, kiss his forehead, make sure his water is still cold, and let him ramble to you about whatever strange dream he had the night before like you always do

but then he'll shift and feel that ache (totally whines about how unfair it is that something that feels soooo good can then make him feel bad things. calls it a sex hangover)

and he'll definitely drop food on your shirt specifically

neither of you know how it always hits you and not him but lando's certainly not complaining

breakfast in bed + his boyfriends gorgeous body? what more could a guy want

immediately shuts up and stops being obnoxious when he sees how he's basically shredded your back

k bear i'm gonna ask you to send me this again with ollie oscar and yuki bc i wanna get this out now as a thank you for helping tonight but i am also almost falling asleep at my computer 💔 i will definitely write the other half, just ... when i can see the keyboard again lol

[hakugreenfinch]

i actually firmly believe that even if for the wrong reasons, curly was right to not give anya the captain gun.

im basing this on the assumptions/readings that a) jimmy was abusing both curly and anya in different ways, b) he assaulted anya in her sleep (i have several reasons to believe so) and as a consequence c) curly did not realize things were that bad until it was way too late (obligatory "even though yeah he should have taken anya seriously from the first report of 'hey jimmy was in my room last night'") but neither did anya really grasp just how badly she was being abused until after the dead pixel conversation (i think this is important because it shows just how careful jimmy was in his machinations).

the thing is we want to believe that oh sure if anya had a gun it would have been fine. but the other thing is that if you have a weapon in self defense - your attacker also has that weapon. giving anya the gun would have been as good as giving jimmy the gun and cocking it for him too - not to mention we actually experience that the gun isnt easy to fire, thus making it less reliable in the case of an emergency than one would think.

anya assumed curly wouldnt have given her the gun because she knew his relationship with jimmy, she knew curly would be worried she would hurt herself with it and she knew the company sucked and would have penalized them all if the gun got out of its case for reasons they dont deem "justified" - they didnt put locks on the sleeping quarters, i doubt they would rule anya's personal safety as reason enough. i think her assumptions in that were correct, curly isnt super strict as a captain but hes not "sure heres the super locked safety gun" lax. he trusted swansea with the axe because he trusted swansea to use it appropriately, he wouldnt have trusted anya with a firearm if she was in mental distress.

i dont think those were the good reasons to not let anya protect herself in this way ("corporate/jimmy will get mad" just is not it). but i do believe if he did give her the gun it would have been a matter of time before jimmy gets ahold of it and shit goes south a lot sooner. i believe jimmy isnt brave enough to do anything to anya while she could ask for help - his entire tactic is based on only letting anyone else notice small things that he could make excuses for. he probably would have taken it from anya while she was asleep, when she didnt have it right in her hand, when she looked away for a moment. it doesnt really matter, he would have found a way, boom, jimmy has a gun now.

why i think that would have been a lot worse than him acquiring the gun as late as he does in the game is that jimmy is pretty much fueled by a hunger for power and control. he gets those once curly is out of the picture as someone capable of running the ship but before the crash? hes very sneaky about his manipulation. he goes after anya physically when nobody can catch him because he can overpower her but he wouldnt try something like that with curly who is likely physically stronger than him (curly weight lifts in his free time!) which is why he puts pressure on him emotionally. the crash is actually very convenient for jimmy, he gets to usurp the title of captain without having to actually do anything to curly himself (as in, with his very own hands and with the intent of getting him out of his way). i just truly think if he had gotten his hands on the gun while curly still fully believed he was his friend and could fight back things would have gotten very ugly a whole lot faster.

tl;dr i think "anya should have had the gun" is something we want to believe would have saved the entire crew but considering jimmy's methods of exercising power over his crewmates proves otherwise. curly had the wrong reasons to not arm anya, but ultimately the longer the gun is out of jimmy's view the better.

[murderdogwater]

How I think the Bachelors and Bachelorettes act when their sick:

Haley: A menace. The type to spit medicine at you like a camel, she'd whine about feeling awful but refuse to take any kind of medication. Don't even try to hide pills in things. She will find them and pick them out. Probably also the type to fake being sick when she was younger just to get princess treatment.

Maru: The type to not tell you she doesn't feel well, and you only find out when Harvey has to carry her back to the farm because she passed out at the clinic. She's probably pretty chill about medicine, but she'll get restless and want something to do while she's on bedrest. But keep an eye on her, or she'll be up trying to make another robot ai nurse or something.

Leah: One of the few who's probably being serious when she says she doesn't get sick. If she does, she'll be pretty chill and will stay in bed, probably sketching, until she's better. If she's sick, she won't stay that way for long, unless it's a real injury, then she's also pretty chill.

Penny: She's probably pretty self-sufficient. She can't exactly taste with how stuffed up she is, so she doesn't know how bad her food tastes. She'll probably eat and sleep a lot and explain it away, saying that Pam left her alone a lot as a kid, so she took care of herself. She'll probably cry if you take care of her.

Emily: She says she doesn't get sick, don't listen to her. Maybe worse than Haley about medication, because she insists that she needs natural methods to heal. She probably gets really delirious and tries to fix it with crystals and burning sage. Just make sure she gets what she needs and give her something to do in bed, and she'll wear herself out.

Abigail: Another one who says they don't get sick and is actually right, more likely to get injured or get food poisoning from her weird diet. Either way she’s pretty chill, and the biggest problem she'll have is boredom. Give her some soup, medicine, and attention, and she'll be fine. Probably plays video games until she feels better.

Sebastian: A BABY. Maximum level baby boy. His two favorite things are soup and tea. He gets sick often and stays that way often. And I feel like Robin is the type to baby him to shit, so he's pouty and needy for attention. Honestly, it will probably get worse if you keep him in bed, so it might be better to make him go outside if possible so he can actually get some sun.

Elliott: He's dramatic but very grateful if you take care of him. If he's really bad, then he'll start talking in Limericks that don't make sense until he falls asleep. Not exactly a baby, but certainly a drama queen. Will complain about his hair being messed up while he's in bed. Might feel better if he goes back to his cabin like a dying woman in a Victorian novel.a

Shane: Oh god, if you think Maru is bad about not telling you when she feels bad, then Shane is 10000 times worse. This man will be throwing up, coughing his lungs out, sneezing loud enough to wake the dead, and still tell you he's fine. You gotta call Jas and have her beg him (from a distance) to lay down and take care of himself. After that, he's chill about everything except his diet, is pissed he can't eat pizza all day but will eat soup and some vegetables if you tell him to.

Alex: Doesn't get sick and is right, but if he gets injured, then he wants princess treatment. He needs his pillows fluffed, his meals hot and on time, and DEMANDS cookies and attention. Evelyn probably spoiled him a little bit as a kid because it was so rare for him to get sick. The only bright side is that he'll gladly take medication without complaint as long as it's followed by a cookie.

Sam: Rarely gets sick, when he does he's a self regulater. If he's really sick, he'll sing softly to himself. His colds come with nightmares, and he'll probably wake up a lot. Cuddle him and make sure he's okay after, and he'll be okay.

Harvey: You'd think that either Harvey would be the type to not get sick or be a big baby. And you're wrong either way. Harvey is sickly and is a horrible self regulator, but he's very grateful for you taking care of him and will be the most cooperative patient ever. Will make dad jokes the whole time. Is very sweet.

[sirhamburrger]

CHAPTER ONE: technical checks

basket case - h. chigiri x f!reader (band!au) || divider by @roseraris wc (written portion): 352 || tags/cw: stress-induced breakdown, denial of negative emotions, sentiments of being 'a burden' to others, just really really angsty (this hit me right in the feels, and i wrote it) [but you really need to listen to me, because i'm telling you the truth! i mean this, i'm okay! trust me...] introducing... manshine! (the last part only makes sense if you read this first oops)

stumbling past security with chigiri, she holds her access pass high up for personnel to see. chris is still talking with reo, and she internally curses ego with all her might. she plasters an apologetic smile on her face, setting her things down backstage.

"great, we're all here now." chris' smile fades slightly; he knows he's going to have to deliver some unpleasant news. "data collected from your first ever show indicates promising results. turnout was on par with x-gen and the ubers. however, crowd satisfaction wasn't great." he stops then, looking each member in the eye. "what do you think we could do to change that?"

she knows it's only his job to be asking these questions, to help them do better, but she can't help but resent him for it. so she says what he wants to hear - what ego and anri want to hear.

"we can switch out some of the songs on the setlist for more appropriate ones," she says lamely. "ones that might appeal more to our western audience."

chris nods quickly. clearly he doesn't want to make this harder than it has to be. some of the earlier resentment fades.

after all, this is how it has to be.

reo stands a little closer to her, his elbow brushing against hers. it's like a reminder of their solidarity as a group. but solidarity never solved problems like the way her eyelids grow heavy after hours of staring at music notation and the continuous effort to stay on tempo. it never solved problems like the blisters on her hands after rehearsal finally concludes, or the persistent ache in her shoulders and arms and back and everywhere else.

and it certainly never solved the way she leans against the cold tiled wall of the hotel bathroom, sliding down until she's sitting on the floor. the floor upon which she hugs her knees close to her chest, and cries silently for half an hour.

she lies to reo afterwards about how she's doing. it's the least she can do, after all, to not burden them with her trivial feelings.

a/n: i just had to have oliver's character be meaningful in this series >:) how could i not? bastard munchen's band name in this au is actually b-stards but manshine and everyone else literally doesn't give a single crap LMAO

taglist: @narcjsistx, @nyxlai, @n0ah-hal00 (open, comment on any post in the series to be added)

bllk masterlist || general masterlist

© sirhamburrger 2024

[darkfictionjude]

Nia stans actually seem to be more loud than Imre's so i don't agree with your statement. You get Imre asks once in a while whereas Nia stans keep sending stuff. I also believe you favor Nia and her stans 🤷‍♂️

Not the same anon btw just wanted to share my observation.

You sound see my askbox if you think imre stans aren’t the most vocal 😭

I’ve said that a) Nia isn’t a favoured of mine (I dislike friends to lovers) it’s just that she’s the one I defend most because I don’t get much negative reactions to Imre and Lorcan so unless any of you want to send me overwhelming (and I mean it’s overwhelming) negative asks about either of them as it’s with Nia I would defend them more 🤷🏽‍♀️

b) the only reason I defend her stans is because they’ve gotten a lot of accusations against them that make no goddamn sense and it’s unfair so really what else can I do? I don’t like people being accused of stuff without evidence

So really if you want me to look like I’m an imre or lorcan stan send more hate their way and accuse their stans of shit cause yeah it looks one way on your end but on my end I have to handle certain things certain ways🤷🏽‍♀️ BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD

[twig-tea]

2024 Tumblr Top 10

tagged by @lurkingshan here and @neuroticbookworm here, thank you both! This really reminds me that I need to do a real pinned post at some point.

If you want to generate your own, you can use this link! I used the link to find the posts but wrote this below because I thought reflecting on the posts would be fun.

My GL rec list (covering everything through to Feb 2024), which I'm very happy about taking first place. If you want GL recs, check that out first, and then feel free to browse my #GL recs tag.

The admittedly shady post from October calling out the director of the Addicted Heroin Thailand adaptation for (a)making weird choices and (b)defending them as artistic. But I stand by my anger about this. Censorship is not an aesthetic!

The non-novel-spoilery reaction post to episodes 1 & 2 of Love In The Big City which was also from October, but which honestly stands up for my reaction to the whole series. What a gift of a show.

A quick pitch for Akaya is in Love with Hiroko from July. This one hurts! I was so ready to cheerlead for this show and did several times, but the penultimate episode made me wary and the finale really upset me, to the point where I didn't end up writing about the finale, so I'll take the chance here: Don't make a show about two self-aware lesbians, one who has been comfortably sexually active for years and one who is super horny for her, and have them get together as adults and yet be celibate for a year out of "respect". Is the message that sex between consenting and enthusiastic adults is not respectful?! GTFO. For the record I can be respected with orgasms, thank you.

The episode celebrating the messaging in the finale of Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo from November. Glad that this is here between the previous entry and the next two, because this is a good balm for the pain. LFtCoT landed the ending and gave us all a giant hug while doing it!

The list of things I was thinking about at the end of Wandee Goodday ep3 from May. Another disappointment for me. The things this post shouts out are still things I like about this show, and reading it again is a reminder of where the back half let the first half down (not taking seriously some of the things we were told to take seriously in the first few episodes).

An early post about Love Is Better the Second Time Around from March. Another show that did not land everything, in this case because it felt like it tried to shove in a complicated conflict in the last two episodes that they didn't have time to handle. But I still love those early episodes and all of the interplay between Miyata, Iwanaga, and Shiraishi.

My clown theory for Every You, Every Me also from October, which ended up being correct! I've never been more happy to be right, I liked this reveal for the show so much.

In February I wrote this thesis about the state of Thai BL looking at data from 2022 and 2023, which I have been meaning to go back and update since I think Shan as usual was feeling the start of the wave and we needed more data to see the change actually play out in 2024. I now no longer feel (as I did in this post) that things haven't changed, I do think they have this year. But I need to crunch the numbers again to prove it to myself (and everyone else) though. Stay tuned!

In July I did a round-up post about the various theories surrounding Century of Love, and whether Vee and Vad were the same person. Turns out San did wrestle with this as I'd hoped but the show itself felt like it lost steam and copped out around this, unfortunately. At least we'll always have fox demon Offroad and grumpy old man Daou's collarbones thanks to this show.

Special shout-out to @lurkingshan because two of the posts above are answers to asks she put in my inbox that spawned project posts. Shan knows what the people want to hear!

Tagging @italianpersonwithashippersheart @benkaben @ellsieee @colourme-feral @pigglepiephi @impala124 no pressure tags and apologies if you've been tagged already!

[cbsghostsmetasandtrevor]

Been thinking about Pete, Carol and her death:

First, I think they really needed a season that had more episodes if they were going to do an arc like this because it needs more time and attention to fully work through.

Second, if they always wanted to kill her, there's a few things they should have had on a "what needs to be addressed if you kill the living wife of one of your main ghosts" list.

On said list:

1. Address talking a new ghost through their death and what the ghosts know about ghost living.

2. Have Carol seek Pete out and talk to him about the last 40 years since he died.

3. Have Carol figure out that Sam's weirdness with the scout book and the wedding was due to seeing Pete.

4. Deal with Laura thinking the BnB is likely cursed for her family (I mean seriously BOTH parents died there???)

5. Have Carol realize what her death means for Jerry, Laura and little Pete, have her talk to Pete about how he dealt with knowing his family moved on while he was stuck there.

6. Have a confrontation with Pete and Carol about the cheating - maybe have (and I don't believe this is real but I saw it on HIMYF and I think some people out there might agree even if I don't) a discussion on "good cheating". Have Carol be faithful to Jerry and Pete be upset because "why wasnt I enough for you?"

7. There should be a storm out, so when they come back together to talk it out, Carol and Pete talk about how their marriage was one of their bad decisions. They did love each other once but they got married because she got pregnant with Laura and it was the right thing to do (pure HC for me). This is resolved by them both admitting that divorce wasn't something Pete would have ever followed through on and that at least they both found happiness in different ways. Pete and his Troup and Carol/Jerry.

8. Carol acknowledges that cheating was the biggest regret of her life. She meant her apology a couple of years before and she means it now. Loving Jerry for 40 years meant it was a good thing even if it wasn't fair.

9. Either a) Pete tells her that he needs time and would like some space - which explains why she ends up in the shed or basement - or b) Carol forgives herself for what happened and gets sucked off.

10. If it's A) Pete goes through a bit of self reflection and works out the situation allowing them to become friends again, if it's B) Pete figures out that maybe forgiveness is the answer and works out what he needs to forgive to move on himself. (B takes a whole because hes a Main Character in the series. Perhaps his power leads him to push it off so he can explore.

Related to that, he and Carol can be disappointed that he hadn't figured it out sooner so he could have been there all that time.

Thoughts?

[beecauseevan]

[Previous Chapter] | [All Chapters]

December 2023

They don't talk much for the rest of that shift. It's a busy one because the holidays make people crazy, and by the time the B- shift arrives to take over, all of them are drained and exhausted and beyond ready to spend their Christmas morning in bed. 

Buck catches up to him when Eddie is leaving the locker room, duffel slung over his shoulder. His hair is still damp, dark brown because of it, and curling at the ends.

"Hey." He slows down to a brisk walk once he reaches Eddie, but doesn't really look at him. Instead, he stares at Eddie's feet, frowning as if Eddie's shoes have done something to offend him. "Uh. Are you. Okay?" 

For a moment, brief and shameful, Eddie allows himself to recall the previous night—Buck's blushing cheeks underneath the mistletoe, dark blue eyes following Eddie across the dance floor. Then he does what he does best, and buries it all. 

"Why wouldn't I be?" he asks, and bumps his shoulder against Buck's.

Buck sucks in a breath and when he looks at Eddie, surprised and hopeful, Eddie smiles. It's casual, it's normal, it's a clear invitation to act like nothing has happened. 

Nothing has happened. 

Slowly, bit by bit, Buck's insecure expression melts away. If he looks the tiniest bit disappointed, then that's just the price they have to pay for normalcy. 

"Okay." He nods to himself, as if fortifying his defenses. "Wanna grab some breakfast?"

That's what they normally do, so Eddie nods too. "I'm starving."

Later, back home, Eddie finds Buck's gift in his duffel, still unopened. He turns it in his hand, over and over, stares at the red wrapping paper until it becomes the only thing he can see. Then, with one shaky breath, he hides the gift in the bottom drawer of his nightstand, never to be looked at again. 

December 2024

Almost exactly one year later, Eddie once again spends his Christmas Eve with Buck. This time, though, they're not at work. There are no bells, no distractions, and no girlfriends either. The Buckley-Han family Christmas is all about, well, family. And it's wonderful. 

They eat, they sing Christmas songs with Jee, they watch Rudolph together and later, when Jee is in bed, they watch Die Hard because Chim insists. It's almost 2 in the morning when Eddie and Buck finally make it back home, and Eddie feels warm and happy, even if the wound in his heart is impossible to deny. 

"I miss him too," Buck tells him, when they're standing in the living room together, looking at the pictures lined up on Eddie's fireplace. "Promise you'll let me visit?"

Eddie takes a deep, deep breath. Then, for the first time in a long time, he does something just for himself. Dancing around the living room in your underwear where nobody can see you is one thing; admitting a shameful truth to another person is much harder. "I don't want to leave."

Buck exhales. "I don't want you to leave."

"But Chris—"

"There are chess clubs in LA too, Eddie," Buck says, voice quiet but intense. "And water, and—science, and whatever. LA is his home. Your parents—they shouldn't have taken him. No, don't—don't defend them. You know I'm right. They should have been on your side. It sucks that they weren't. But they can't keep Chris from you, not really, and if—I'm sure he misses you too. I'm sure he wants to come home too. If only so he can meet all of our Hotshots friends."

Eddie laughs quietly, despite himself. He's still staring at the pictures. He wants to believe Buck. He almost—almost does. 

"Let me help," Buck says. "Let's—let's visit him, or talk to him together, or—let me help."

Buck tried to help, back in May. It didn't work out then, but Chris was so angry then, so hurt. Maybe now… maybe it could be different. 

Eddie licks his lips. Then, before he can talk himself out of it, he nods. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay," Eddie says. He turns to Buck, and Buck must have moved closer when Eddie wasn't looking, because they're suddenly so close their chests touch every time Eddie breathes in too deeply. He could put some distance between them. He doesn't want to. "I'll let you help."

Buck smiles, earnestly grateful. "Good. Let's call him first thing in the morning."

"I still have your presents," Eddie tells him, apropos of nothing. "From last year. I never gave them to you. And I never—I never opened yours."

Buck breathes out a laugh. It's barely audible, but they're so close that Eddie can feel the warm puff of breath on his cheek. "You can give them to me tomorrow."

"Yeah," Eddie says, "Buck, listen…"

"I love you."

Eddie stops. Buck didn't blurt it out, didn't stumble his way through it. It wasn't a rushed confession or a slip-up. He said it slowly, and clearly, and Eddie—Eddie, who was about to say something very similar—Eddie stops. 

"I love you," Buck repeats. "I do. For years, probably. I never realized, because... I guess we've just always been so close. I guess I figured my feelings were just friendship. I never had a best friend before you. But that's not—that's not what this is. Josh—he asked me all these questions to help me figure out if I loved Tommy, and I couldn't really... I couldn't answer most of them. I guess if I'd been honest with myself, the answer would have been no. For most of them. With Tommy, I mean, but with you… It's always been yes. And I don't expect anything. I just, I just needed you to know. And I'm sorry if that's weird, or, or if I'm making you uncomfortable, but I just couldn't keep on not saying it. It was kind of eating me up inside, and I—"

"I love you too." Buck shuts up. His eyes grow wide. Eddie smiles at him. "I love you too."

"You love me too."

"Yes." 

Eddie shifts so that they're standing even closer. His heart is beating evenly, even as his skin flushes with heat. This is at once exhilarating and scary and the most normal thing in the world. 

Buck loves Eddie. Eddie loves Buck. How could it ever be any other way? 

"Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. You can go back to rambling if you want. I just figured you should know, before you go and make assumptions."

"You love me," Buck repeats, dumbfounded. 

"I love you," Eddie says. It's kind of thrilling, saying it. It's like—no, it's better than dancing. 

Buck laughs, then, open and relieved. He tilts his head back, looks up at the ceiling, exposes his throat. 

Eddie licks his own smiling lips. "What are you doing?"

"Checking to see if there's a mistletoe," Buck says, "because I would really like to kiss you right now."

"You're such an idiot," Eddie replies, and then he hauls Buck in, missing mistletoe be damned. 

Well; this is it! Thanks everyone for following along - it's been so much fun <3

Now that it's finished, this fic has also been posted to my ao3 (where it is a one-shot instead)!

Written for the @911countdowntochristmas - this was supposed to be 24 drabbles but the Buddie NDE speculation going around pre 8x08 inspired me and now it’s a 24-mini-chaptered fic instead. And definitely more hurt/comfort than fluff. Oops.

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Scoops' Fics of 2024

It's that time of year again! The time for me to rank my own fics for the last year in order from my least favorite to most favorite. I only considered fics I wrote entirely myself, so you won't see an honest living in here because that was almost 50/50 written with Dizzy! (but you should definitely go check it out!)

This year I only had two novel length fics because I was supposed to be focusing on original work (oops). I had a heck of a summer with my bingo fills. There's definitely recency bias at play here, but that's just how it goes sometimes. Let me know if you agree/disagree :D

See the Elephant - T - this one was written for a fic fest that ended up getting canceled because of the grituation. I had already written the entire thing and it had to be T because the artists were going to post their work. If I had known it would be canceled, I would have had them doing the freaknasty. This was after I had already planned out and written a fic before new boundaries dropped in November (see Circling Back). Basically, this fic fest was never meant to be, I suppose. I was starting to think I was a curse. Oh, but the fic itself is a soulmate AU and kinda angsty and has a hospital scene. 0 horse mentions.

Merry Men Making Merry - T - This was written for Fairy Tales from the SMP - the first and only successful fanfiction event I've completed all the way through (it's never me dropping out btw, it's always the event getting canceled). Anyway I got my first choice of fairy tale, which was Robin Hood, and I put a fun spin on it. The art with this fic was gorgeous!! A very different type of fic for me and it stretched some writing muscles I didn't know I had. Secret identity and identity reveal, some of my favorite tropes. 4 horse mentions.

Move to Florida, buy the car you want - E - the first of my bingo fics. It turns out I am bad at being brief. Anyway, DNF get together and semi-roadhead and I dunno, it's cute. I wrote most of this fic free hand in my note book at my work desk because fuck capitalism. I just checked, the prompt was "late night care rides" which checks out. 0 horse mentions

Someone told me there's no such thing as bad thoughts (croptop) - E - this is the one from the middle of June about crop tops that was also written for bingo. I dunno. It's cute enough. 0 horse mentions.

Everyone understands why it’s mean to be (a/b/o phone call) - T - this one is funny because I didn't even bother saying what the prompt was in the author's notes, but I think it was a/b/o. This one was fun to write because it was basically a nod to the 2021 fandom and where we were, and where DNF were -- waiting on that damn visa. Like going back in time and writing a fic. 1 horse mention.

Can I Use You Up - E - I really had fun writing this one. It has fun Dreateam dynamics and then a really intense sex scene and the dichotomy of both of those things in one fic -- and short (for me), at that! impressive. 0 horse mentions.

Circling Back - E - this fic is fun and wild. I got to write co-workers to lovers that is also hidden/secret identity -- and it works! WILD! I re-read this one recently and it stands up. This was originally written for that first fic fest i was talking about and when they changed it for the new boundaries for art, I couldn't have any smut and the whole plot kind of hinged around the smut, so... I decided to just write it as it is. ALSO this is the first fic that Chelsey beta'd, I think. So that's fun! And it was the first fic of the year (not counting Hits Different which wrapped up in January). 0 horse mentions.

Just to do experiments on - E - Yall, if you had told me that I would write tentacle porn, I would have laughed at you. Extra has been trying to get me to write tentacles for YEARS and then it came up on my bingo card and I felt like I finally had to bite the bullet and do it. Except, I actually really love how it turned out? This bingo prompt was tentacles, obviously, but also cursed by a witch. A twofer, if you will. 0 horse mentions.

Let Me Familiarize You - E - here's some Scoops lore. I wrote this fic in two sitting and it is 13K, so that's wild!!! It took me two days in the time after my surgery but before I could go back to work to write this (in between writing the beginnings of Two Fools and another story that I haven't and won't publish lol). Anyway, it's about witch!George accidentally making Patches his familiar and then coming clean to Dream and also his mom is there. And then literally that same day, George dropped a video with his mom. Crazy pants. (or maybe it was the day before when this was all written? Can't remember. Also I was on pain pills). I really like how it turned out. It's a fun premise! 0 horse mentions.

Puzzle pieces in the dead of night - T - another bingo fic, the prompt was pirates. Anyway, I had a BLAST writing this one. Secret identity, kidnapping, munchy mc dynamics, I really like writing action adventurey fics and this one feel right into that category. A fun read, in my opinion. 0 horse mentions.

I’m Having His Baby (No, I’m Not) - E - a bingo fic, the prompt was "mpreg, but abortion" because the person who made the boards *ahem* doesn't like pregnancy stuff and wanted to punish me (lightheartedly lol). Anyway, joke is on her, because I made this into an epic story and I had so much fun writing it. Like, laughing out loud to myself while writing it, which is kinda sad, but is also the point of fanfiction. You have to entertain yourself first and foremost. And also I snuck eventual mpreg in there anyway so haha! for real, though, if you think the premise of this one is weird -- Dream and George accompany Sapnap on a roadtrip to Colorado to get his abortion -- you should try it out anyway. 1 horse mention, and arguably the one that brought it to our good anon's attention.

Anagnorisis - E - speaking of mpreg, LMAOOOOOO. My "I didn't know I was pregnant" AU with Angst and miscommunication and domesticity and last minute flights to London and a baby named after the lead singer of Glass Animals. This fic has a lot! I wrote a lot about the beginning of this fic on Tumblr and kind of how I begin writing fics. Here Anyway, pretty proud of this fic. I had to ask my mom a lot of questions about NICU. 3 horse mentions.

I Am Two Fools - E - every year the last novel length fic of the year seems to be in the top spot. No Exception this year. This fic was very tough to write, but very rewarding. I think it taught me a lot about making sure character motivations are fleshed out and make sense. It, and Anagnorisis, taught me about trusting the reader and dropping hints at things. Yall got So Good at catching hints and making molehills out of anthills, as intended. I took a chance and switched up POV halfway through, which is almost never do. And I think that really helped me stretch my writing muscles as well as all the bingo fics. Very proud of the work I did on this fic. 0 horse mentions.