#because there is something I need from the 4's negativity and hatred towards love

[subconsciousmysteries]

"Love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage."

"You couldn't hate enough to love."

"Angels lie to keep control."

"IT TOOK THE DEATH OF LOVE TO LET YOU GO."

he's definitely singing about a 2 fix here

[arcadianmoonshadowjedi]

Cass Season 3 Analysis (And Criticism)

I’ve previously done an analysis post on what I thought about Cass’s S1 arc and ideally would’ve done a season 2 analysis post (my personal favorite Cass arc in the whole show) but since my thoughts on S3 are on my mind atm, thought I’d dump them here.

Note: If you would prefer not to see any criticism on season’s 3′s writing, I’d suggest you don’t further read.

DISCLAIMER: This is NOT a hate post as Cass is one of my favorite characters (Discussion is welcome but would really appreciate that my criticism isn’t used as a fuel for hatred against the character). Thanks!

I’ll start with the Gothel reveal. Personally my feelings towards it initially were very mixed, perhaps because I was never to interested in it when it was still a theory and thought it was a coincidence that Cass physically resembled Gothel. A part of me felt that the Gothel twist was too cliche, generic and it failed to wow me. I was basically like “Oh! So... this is the direction they’re going with? Ok... lemme see where this is going...” Then another part of me was like Cass dealt with a lot of issues of feeling like she’s not good enough, not taken seriously, or that she was outshined by Rapunzel since S1, so maybe the Gothel reveal was just the last straw that pushed her into villainy but not necessarily her primary motive (Or at least I wanted to believe that).

Basically we didn’t see too much of Cass in the first half of S3 aka the fillers, except her being pushed more and more into villainy by Zhan Tiri in the last few minutes of the episodes. I personally thought that the manipulative aspect was really cool! (Reminded me a lot of Anakin and Palpatine vibes from Star Wars, which is also a franchise I dearly love).

Then of course we approach the Cassandra’s Revenge, also my personal favorite episode of the season, where now Cass is full-on villain, no question, no doubts. Honestly Eden nailed the VA and Cass was totally owning and rocking her villainy! I loved that continued to rock her villainy into Race to the Spire too!

And now the negativity starts. A Tale of Two Sisters.... In all honesty I was enjoying the episode until I got to the ending, and then I finished off the episode feeling so disgusted. I personally wasn’t fond of the whole Gothel loving Cass or not “mystery” because the answer was pretty obvious. It just felt so weird that Cass knew of Gothel’s abuse towards her and Rapunzel and saw with her own eyes that Gothel deliberately abandoned her as a child, but was still convinced that Gothel “loved” her, like seriously?! And I’m not even gonna go into how much I hated the ending because it’s way too obvious.

Once A Handmaiden, very unfortunately, is my very least episode of the season. Like it had some good moments in it but all in all I hate so many aspects of it. First we start with Cass walking out and smiling and then she finds the missing mirror shard. Mystery solved. Cass now realizes Gothel never loved her and then finds out that her “friend” is Zhan Tiri and she runs off. Now she’s good and needs to “make amends” Rapunzel. My biggest problem with this episode treated the problem as if Cass and Raps got into a small fight and need to make up. But this is waaaaay bigger than that. Cassandra had done awful things including murder attempts, kidnapping, and threatening war against Corona. She needed to do more than seek Rapunzel’s forgiveness, she needed to clean up the mess she’s made, especially ZT getting released and all. She needed to accept accountability for her actions, regardless of what the consequences were. She gets incased in the amber, boom! Now she’s full on villain again because she’s angry about a weapon made for self-defense purposes that she had led to. Of course the number one scene I hated in this episode was the Gothel quote (my least favorite movie reference of all time and my least favorite Cass scene in the entire series). She destroys all of Corona and forces everyone to flee.

Last but not least, her “redemption” in Plus Est En Vous. As someone who completely adores Cass, I wanted to see her being given the best possible redemption that she deserved to have written for her. But unfortunately, in this episode, we see her being full villain and was gladly stripping Rapunzel of the sundrop only for Zhan Tiri to overpower her. As @zhantiri mentioned (And completely read my mind lol), she didn’t redeem herself because she saw the wrong in her actions, but rather because she was overpowered by a bigger villain. Questions I’ve always had since the finale were “What if she got the power of the sundrop too and survived? Would she have been redeemable then? What would she have done with that power?” See the problem is that to me, her redemption didn’t feel sincere or as impactful as it should have been. Like sure I cried when she cried but primarily because Eden nailed the VA, but idk.

So my here are my overall criticisms of her villainy:

1) A lot of things in her villain arc felt so OOC, like the fact that she instantly trusted a random ghost child she met in the House of Yesterday’s and follows her around for months not questioning who she is, even after the midseason when she was in her corporeal form. Like since when was Cass so quick to trust anyone? In the past 2 seasons, we all saw how Cass took time to trust Eugene, Lance, and Adira, and how she was so skeptical of new places. I will just never understand how she instantly trusted a ghost child over her closest friends whom she’s known for about 2 years...

2) Building off of her being OOC, I absolutely despised how she was being turned into Gothel 2.0 rather than being her own character! She was so well set up the last two seasons and now is being forcefully turned into Gothel, because ya know “Like mother like daughter right”? My biggest problem with this is that Cass in the past 2 seasons is hardly anything like Gothel in character. Like sure she does have flaws and certain toxic traits, but she was way too hotheaded and insecure compared to Gothel. And the cloak in To2S, sure it looked cool but was so stupid and unnecessary. And I’m not gonna go into the other details to avoid being further infuriated. I know there’s controversies over the movie reference in Plus Est En Vous but here are my honest thoughts. The problem with Cass’s death scene was not only do we have absolutely no idea why she died but it was for the sake of tossing in a movie reference. It basically took Eugene’s iconic sacrifice scene from the movie and handed it to Cass, which I felt was incredibly unfair to both characters. It was Eugene’s special scene which should’ve been his and his alone. Cass deserved to be given her own special scenes instead of being given Gothel and Eugene’s scenes. I personally felt that she was being robbed and it was as if she couldn’t be great as her own character and needs to be handed other characters’ special scene in order to be so.

3) The motive, regardless of whether the Gothel twist was used or not, there needed to be strong and clear motive as to why she would make the complete change to villainy. And getting revenge against Rapunzel because she victim-blamed her for being left by Gothel is not a motive! There were several other aspects of her character that could’ve been focused on that would’ve worked waaay better and could’ve been more been more legitimate reasons for her to become a villain, otherwise it was just entirely forced.

4) Last but not least... the lack of consistency with her villain arc in the last few episodes was so irritating to watch! I personally think she needed a proper redemption arc during the last few episodes were she was seeing the wrong in her actions and worked to correct her mess rather than waffling back and forth between redemption and villainy only to become more evil than before! Her villain arc became waaaay too sloppy and it overstayed it welcome till the finale to the point where it was no longer enjoyable to watch.

All in all, Cass’s villain arc is not my only problem with season 3 nor is it my biggest one. But still, I really wanted to like it. Sure there were some great aspects about it but unfortunately it was mostly badly written and sloppily handled, showing that there was no solid or proper planning for it. As for the Gothel twist, my feelings about it became more negative because of how it was handled and I really wished they could’ve come up with something else to push her into villainy. For me, this was actually quite painful and sad because Cass grew to be my favorite series exclusive character and my favorite along with Rapunzel and Eugene because I loved how she was written in the first two seasons, but I feel like season 3 did her pretty dirty.

Update!: I added the link to my Cass S1 analysis at the top but didnt't know why it's not showing so Imma attach it here!

[corpulentus]

All of those headcanons and scenario questions that people have been asking me since I started this blog and then some: The Compiled List

What was the best thing in your character's life? What was the worst thing in your character's life?        This is a difficult thing to answer because Torvald is still living his life into current canon, but if I don't want to be difficult about the question, here are a few ideas?

       BEST THING(S): The birth of Adelynne, When he met his first dog, Joining training with his best friend Gylfis        WORST THINGS(S): When Marek ran away, When his parents passed, When he fought Marek on the battlefield, When Marek murdered his only 2 friends in the world

What seemingly insignificant memories stuck with your character?        Because of the way that he lives, there is not a lot of small memories that he tends to hold onto. Most things, if they don't make an intense impact one way or the other ( that being positive or negative ), he tends to easily forget them. However, there are some things that he's otehrwise forgotten that ought not to have been.

       A better way to answer this would be "what seemingly insignificant moments stuck with your character" -- This has one answer and it was the moment that Torvald had to be pulled back from dark depths by Gylfis. Torvald was about to give his blood to a dark warlock in search of his brother and Gyl swooped in and talked him out of it. It was not necessarily a threat to his life, nor was the woman that was to perform the magic particularly dangerous, but it is a moment that Torvald can never repay.

How does your character feel about sex?       Torvald is not, generally, an overly sexual person. His first thoughts upon seeing a woman are not usually of a sexual nature and, admittedly, this may have a lot to do with the fact that I, as a woman, do not know what it is to be a man or to feel about sex as a man does. However, I think this gives him his own, softer, qualities towards love and romance. Torvald would much prefer to wine and dine before intimate relations than just -- "jump right in", as it were.

       He's a good boi, okay. I love him.

What are Marek's feelings for Torvald? Does he feel any kind of sibling jealousy?        Oh Y E S.

       Marek has, of all of his adult life, all of his teenage years and some of his young childhood been very jealous of Torvald for many reasons. He was jealous of Torvald's natural talents, of his social skills, of his relationship with his friend, Gylfis, of his relationship with their parents and younger sister. Marek felt very much like he was the social outcast and was unsure of how to overcome this hurdle. Torvald was an obstacle that her felt he had to destroy or his own life would never be his own. He would always remain in the shadow of someone better and his pride would not let that happen.

       But that is merely the jealousy aspect. As far as his other emotions go, Marek feels a great deal of anger toward his brother, but he also loathes this fact about himself. However, after so many years of brainwashing and devotion to his own hatred, he has become numb to anything pleasant toward his brother. He can no longer tell if he loves his brother or if those feelings have been suppressed to the point of its self extinguishing.

After what tradition were Torvald, Marek and Adelynne named? Did their parents follow a certain idea when naming them? Would the siblings name their children after the same traditions or just go after what they like?        The trio were not named after any particular traditions or ideas. It was very much an on the spot decision for them when it came to naming their children. However, due to the lack of information given to the actual answer -- Have the literal definition of their names? Just because? IDK, have this!

       Torvald From the Old Norse name Þórvaldr, which meant "Thor's ruler" from the name of the Norse god Þórr (see THOR) combined with valdr "ruler".

       Marek Polish, Czech, and Slovak: from the West Slavic personal name Marek, a vernacular form of Latin Marcus (see Mark). Czech: from a pet form of the personal name Martin.

       Adelynne Adelyn is a new American coinage. As an invented name, Adelyn is thought to have been inspired by one of two more traditional names. The first, Adelaide, comes from the Germanic elements “adal” meaning 'noble' and “heid” meaning 'kind, sort'.

What is Adelynne's relationship with Torvald and Marek? Which of her brothers does she feel closer to emotionally ( by moral character, appearance, etc )?        Adelynne's relationship with her brothers are very different from one another, though she does love them both in a far closer measure.

       Adelynne and Torvald share a closer bond because they have spent much more time together than she and the other. They have shared in grief, loss and happiness together. They have shared in memories insurmountable by a great deal of other siblings they have encountered in their lives. It is a bond that neither would surrender for anything else in the world -- particularly now -- since they are all one another have left.

       Adelynne and Marek have a different bond. Though he left when they were still children, for all her life, Marek assured she was kept safe. It was an uncanny coincidence that was nearly becoming passed off as luck. Adelynne continued the search for Marek when Torvald was in his coma and there was always a part of her that knew he wouldn't be coming home. She has forgiven him for leaving them, but continues to struggle knowing what had happened to him and what he has done. They are destined to encounter again on the Broken Shore, but it is undetermined whether this is to take Adelynne into the rank of the LEgion, or to finally see Marek submit to his past life and have his current taken from him.

       Appearance wise, Adelynne and Torvald look much more alike than either of them look like their brother.

What are Adelynne's crafts? Does she share any interests or hobbies with her brothers? Id so, which ones?        Adelynne doesn't have any professions in the game, but she does like to collect herbs and brew elixirs in her spare time. She has used amateur potions on the field before and had Torvald test some questionable ones as well.

What is the age difference between Torvald and his siblings? How does this difference influence their relationships with eachother? How does it affect how they see one another? Torvald is 4 years older than his brother, Marek and 8 years older than his sister, Adelynne. Because they are all so close in age, it had very little in means of affecting their relationships, not nearly as much as their life views. The same is for their opinions and views on one another.

Which of the siblings is the most similar to their parents? How is this shown? Torvald is most like their father, certainly. Both he and Roderic are loyal to a fault, dedicated to their morality and their emotions and share an equal love for history and peace, in any capacity they can attain.

Adelynne is a fine blend of both their parents. Compulsive, patient and strong willed.

Marek is most like their mother. They share similar qualities, as well as Marek displaying some of the worse of the woman's dark side. He is selfish, narcasistic and greedy. He lives in a great amount of delusion, something which their mother had been prone to in her youth.

If you were not bound by the ingame models, how would you design the siblings appearance and their individual clothing styles?

Adelynne, Left. Marek, Center. Torvald, Right

What are the siblings favorite meals? Is there a reason they have these favorites? Can they cook for themselves? Do they cook for one another? Torvald's Favorite Meal: Smoked Eel, Crusty Bread and Malt Beer Marek's Favorite Meal: Rabbit ( Over A Flame ), Roasted or Raw Vegetables and Spring Water Adelynne's Favorite Meal: Roast Pork with Thyme and Rosemary, Baked Potato and Honey Milk

Torvald and Adelynne have done their fair share of cooking and enjoy it quite a lot. However, most often, Adelynne will be the one to cook meals for her brother, since her personality is generally the giving type. As far as Marek is concerned, over the years, he didn't do much in the way of eating unless it was prepared for him or it was unnecessary for him to do much work in it's preperation.

In the Warcraft Universe, what is Torvald's relationship and opinion of Orcs and those who look like them? ( Like Mar! ) So, given the fued between Orcs and Humans in Warcraft history ... You would think that Torvald would hate them, right? Well, he's one of those weird people that don't judge people by thier skin, for example, but rather, by their actions. So, follow these examples below ---

Durotan of the Frostwolves. Yeah, he would 100% be close compadres with Durotan. He is full of honor, truth and faith in his sense of morality. He is a good soul and Torvald would know this. He would perhaps even go out of his way to befriend him.

Garrosh Hellscream. Fuck. That. Guy. Torvald would most likely have been a huge part of the downfall of Hellscream were he not focused entirely on personal life matters at that point.

Mar Muthand. His favorite 'orc', honestly. She can be rough and gruff, but she has a kind heart and soul. He cares deeply for her and would rather spend his day with her than several of his own kind. But! B U T! As I said, he judges by CHARACTER, not RACE.

Does Torvald prefer to live / travel alone or with family / friends, significant others, etc? Torvald is a flip flopper when it comes to this subject. He was alone for so long, after being 100% involved in his family as a child, then he started to open himself up after he 'finally lost' his ambitions to hunt down his brother. He will definitely have his moments where he needs that time to himself and others where he needs to be in contact, he needs a hug, he needs a kiss, he needs affirmation of his worth to other people.

How does Torvald usually dress in daily life? How does Torvald usually dress for a fancy event? How does Torvald usually style his hair? What jewelry, if any, does Torvald usually wear? Torvald's Appearances are below, listed in simple forms.

Daily life includes ;; Leather boots, a pair of light cotton 'boxers', a heavier pair of leather pants and a light tunic. He carries his axe with him most places he goes, but if he isn't in need of it, it will be just an accessory.

Fancy Event includes ;; Lighter, more ornate, boots paired with sleak black trousers. Cotton boxers, of course. Something similar to his light daily life tunic, but probably with some more baubles then he might generally consider. If someone else has dressed him, like Lysirae for example, then there is no telling what he might get put into.

Hair looks are generally very much the same. He will wear it down, consider braids to keep it from his face or up in a 'man bun' as it were.

Torvald doesn't make a habit of wearing anything dangling or lose fitting when he's on the battlefield, but he does carry with him several charms from important figures in his past. He has a locket from his mother, a set of gritting gloves for his weaponry from his father and a ring from his sister, Adelynne which she made herself. At some point in his past he carried, and then lost, a knife that once belonged to his brother, Marek.

What scars, if any, does Torvald have? What tattoos, is any, does Torvald have? What birthmarks, if any, does Torvald have? Over his years, particularly during the time when he's started being actively involved in wars and conflict, he has accumulated many scars. They range in size and location, but namely he has a pair on his shoulders from a felbat that plucked him from the ground. He also has another around his upper thigh from an incident in Westfall where a pack of wild dogs latched onto him and ( the alpha ) tore pretty good at him. The rest of the wounds heal as much as they can and have not left many lasting impressions.

Torvald, in a few words, looks like a living canvas. He has many tattoos that are, generally, hidden by his clothing. It is difficult to define many of them, as they are runic in nature and resemble pagan symbolism. If you ask him about them, he will probably tell you that they were a result of a spell gone wrong, but in truth, he got them when he was searching for his brother, Marek. A lot of them look like endless loops, all of them representing major leads on his brother that ended up taking him in circles and leading him nowhere.

Torvald has no significant birthmarks.

How tall is Torvald compared to his peers? How thin/heavy is Torvald compared to his peers? Honestly, we all know already that Torvald is a pretty husky man. He's very strong and he's also very tall. He is 6'2, well over 200 pounds and he can lift 3 children with one arm ( you know, with their fingers latched around his arm and he just lifts them up while they dangle ). He is also a trained warrior who has dedicated a lot of his life to sword skill and strength training.

Now, in relation to his peers, at least the ones he has actually interacted with ( Khadgar, Lysirae, Alamor, Eryis, Mar, to name a few ) -- He is literally the tallest of everyone ( as far as my knowledge goes ). Funny, considering 3 of them are elves. He is probably also the most strongly built, looking more like an orc than a human -- minus the green skin.

Want to know more about Champion of the Alliance Torvald        CHAMPION OF THE ALLIANCE TORVALD WOULD BE GREAT FOR THE FOLLOWING REASONS

       1. Despite not being a seasoned war veteran like Genn or Varian, he does know the ins and outs of strategy and has seen battle first hand.        2. Torvald spent a great deal of his youth studying and becoming, on some level, a scholar. It undoubtedly increased his reasoning skills and put a damper on his anger and violence ( which seems only to come out when he is fighting a war). This would likely make him a good diplomat when it comes to political matters.        3. Torvald is only in his early 30s which means, with any luck, he would have a long and prosperous life ahead of him with which to attend to and fix many wrongs he has personally observed within his lifetime as a traveler.        4. Torvald is a personable person, okay. His social skills are fairly good and his ability to conform with speech of his audiences is pretty good as well. Got a rally full of people? He will just use multiple definitions. It works like a charm.        5. Torvald does not like war, but he can understand the necessity for it.        6. In a lot of ways, Torvald is the ideal mixture of Varian and Anduin.

       In short, @blizzard, Torvald Starsk for King of the Alliance 2020?

What do you see in your muses future?        Torvald, as my main muse both on tumblr and in the game, has an undetermined future. I would like to see him live into old age with a wife and family, but as we have seen before in the good ol World of Warcraft, this is not always the fate of brave and noble warriors. His fate will be determined at a later date.

        Marek is almost certainly destined to perish just before, or during, the Battle for Azeroth. His power has been robbed from him, his cause as well, and here is no returning to the Alliance for him. Though I have though on having him build his own group ( like the Twilight's Hammer ) from the ground up, I do believe he would be unsuccessful and he would be met with death regardless.

       Adelynne has recently gone through some changes that has had her leaving her comfortable home and the Cathedral of Stormwind to become a paladin. She has just begun her adventures in the world and I would like to see a lot more out of her before her life is ended. However, just as with Torvald, this is not always the case in the good ol World of Warcraft. Her fate could be determined at any time.

What is something about Torvald that annoys me?        This asshole literally finds every person he encounters a beauty to behold, okay. He could compliment you to death and then mourn for you without skipping a beat. It's almost malicious, I tell you.

       Terrible. Unnecessary.

Does Torvald have a mount that is just his? Wht is it ingame? Does this mount have a certain name? What about character and personality traits? Does it cooperate? Is it difficult? Does this mount have certain ingame details or is it completely its own being? Does the mount have its own story and relationship with Torvald that has influenced Torvald in some way? If he doesn't have a mount, how does he usually travel?         Torvald generally rides a horse in the game, but I do not canonically have a SPECIFIC mount that he would call his own.

Mag'har - How Important is freedom to Torvald? Hunter - Does Torvald have any pets? Mage - Does Torvald have any special talents? Priest - How empathetic is Torvald with others? Lightforged Draenei - Are appearances important to Torvald? Warrior - How athletic is Torvald? Shaman - Does Torvald follow any traditions? Human - Does Torvald have a personal hero? Zandalari - Is Torvald a proud person? Demon Hunter - Has Torvald ever sacrificed something?        Torvald, should he lose his freedom, would be a very different man. He would definitely become more aggressive, more manipulative and extremely intolerant to those around him. He would devote all of his time and energy into getting out of whatever means of capture this mysterious party had used to get him in the first place. ----;; In short, Torvald values his freedom greatly.

       Torvald, in his later life, after he'd 'finished' with adventuring and fighting wars, would adopt himself a Gilnean hound dog that his son, Leopold, would name Sir Woof.

       Torvald's not especially good at unusual things, but he does seem to be good at a variety of things, as it were. He is a fine person to share a battlefield with, he is a good enough strategist and he is quite knowledgeable in many historical Azerothian verse. And, I suppose, he is adept in a few languages that are not just human common. This likely comes from his interaction with many different races throughout life and his travels.

       Torvald is as empathetic as one can be without being an empath. He feels very much for other people and he does, essentially, live to serve others as best he can.

       Appearances are not particularly important to Torvald. He could be sporting a heavy load of clothing or barely anything at all and still he would feel just about the same -- If not a bit colder than if he were bundled up tight.

       Torvald can lift a grown man with his own strength from a squatted position. He is mighty strong, my friend.

       Torvald doesn't follow many traditions himself, but he participates in the Azerothian holidays when he finds time. Her particularly enjoys Brewfest and spending that extra time with his dwarven companions.

       I would say no, Torvald doesn't have a personal hero, but like most kids, he thinks his father is a pretty respectable guy. He taught him who he was meant to be and he was always there for him when he needed support the most. He also quite admires his lifelong friend, Gylfis, whom saved him from himself on more than one occasion.

       Torvald is not at all proud. He greatly values his friends and he is proud of THEM, but of himself, he is not at all proud.

       Torvald has sacrificed a lot of his own life and his own sanity throughout the years in pursuit of his brother, in particular. It cost him many years that he could have spent in happiness and joy with the rest of his family. Instead, it cost him dearly in his relationship with his parents, sister and friends as he, essentially, was completely consumed by his hunt for his brother.

What are Torvalds Ingame Professions and how do you play them In-character out in rp? Or does her ingame professions do not belong to the character ic? Does he possess professions beyond his ingame professions (Like for example not a alchemist but possess a knowledge of healing herbs and how to make healing oinments, not a smith but can recognize a proper blade or not a Tailor but knows how to sew and stitch etc etc etc...)        In the actual game, Torvald is a blacksmith and a miner, but I slack horrifically at professions in the actual game. HOWEVER, he utilizes these skills in writing quite a lot. He makes his own gear, at times, or at the very least, he improves upon and repairs his own gear. He mines and sells the smelted bars for money at times, but he also uses it to craft jewelry for gifts or further cash.

[itsleafourie]

18 things i learned in 2018

2018 has truly been a year of learning for me. from physically going through a transformation to making new friends and memories. here’ s some things i learned.

18. the only constant in life is change.

i say this in the most positive way possible. for me, i see change as a good thing. there is some type of assurance and security i find in the fact that in whatever situation i might be, it is not permanent. i do not have to stay here - lemme scratch that - it is guarenteed that i am not going to stay here. even when i am at a peak point, i still find it amazing i can even go higher - i have to power and will to drive ‘change’ into that direction.

17. life is better when you live it.

something i struggled with this past year is overall confidence. it started with the basics: such as my body image and my outer look. but something i learned is that hatred spreads. i always thought that the only thing that ‘turned others off’ was my body. as i continued to search my body for every flaw i could find; the self-hatred spread to other more emotional and inner things. i started disliking my personality, how i talked, how i laughed, and most importantly how i reacted as person towards certain situations and things. simply everything i did wasn’t good enough. i thought that i was a complete failure - personality wise. my need to force some kind of change into my personality and the way how i think about life was fed through this constant self-bullying. i thought that every single situation that i found myself in could have been resolved if only i had some sort of personality change. the words “if i wasn’t born like then life would have been easier” crossed my mind every single hour of every day. it created this stress and anxiety inside of me. my raw thoughts were scorned by my very own self-consciousness. i would find myself being way too awkward (when in reality i was being completely normal) or i would trick my own brain into thinking everyone secretly hated me. 

what i meant with this title is that the moment i started to slowly let go of that need of approving others i started enjoying the little things around me. i tried to make it a habit to stop overthinking certain situations. i started to make it a daily goal to react towards things in a utter natural and raw way in hopes of learning myself to be more comfortable with how i am build. i stopped stressing about things such as the way i laughed or how much i ate. just like that - life got a little bit better.

16. no one is as bad as they seem.

my father is a very hostile person. he believes that every person in society is out to get him. growing up with such a negative outlook on meeting new people, it got pretty hard for me to trust strangers with my pride. in other words, i started believing that everyone was out to get me too. i find myself doing exactly what i was scared of - criticising others. i wasn’t bullying anyone, i just thought that every person that i wasn’t necessarily friends with automatically hated me. here is where my insecurity of pleasing others played a huge roll. it was only after i learned myself to be more open and relaxed with new people that i realised the “popular groups” in my school can be extremely friendly. don’t get me wrong, some people’s insecurities still shine through. there are some bad and rotten apples out there. but after actually getting to know some of them, i grew some sort of confidence towards wanting to meet new people. and remember, some people tear other people down only to feel the need of some sort of self-acceptance. 

15. home is where your heart is.

after multiple drama’s and tears, i learned probably one of the most valuable lessons in life; your family is your number one support group. i know i cannot speak for everyone but 2018 made me realise that my family is truly one of the most supportive people i know. i admit, i took it a little bit for granted, but this year’s pain made me realise how blessed i am to have such an amazing lil group of humans as my safety net in life.

14. the arts will always be your number one way of self-care.

i always knew i was a creative person, but in my lowest points of my year i always found myself craving to express my feelings and pain in some sort of art form. whenever it was editing, painting, writing, listening to music, learning or reading, my ‘self-care’ always had something to do with art. that’s why one of my new years resolutions is to spend at least one hour every day doing exactly what i was born to do; to create.

13. exercising is actually pretty fucking amazing.

in 2018 i discovered how much i love doing sports. in previous years, i despised it. little did i know that it would soon become one of my favourite ways to escape from my daily stress. from doing nothing all day to exercising at least 4 days a week really played a roll in my transformation - physically and mentally. 

12. hating things does not make you cool.

oh!!!!! my!!!! god!!!! can people please start to realise that we all have different interests in life? so what you don’t like ‘mainstream’ pop-culture? don’t bash people who do. i used to look down upon people that band-waggoned onto trends. but now honestly who cares? liking a certain genre of music or having a certain style that is not considered “”””mainstream”””” does not make you any cooler that someone who prefers things that are mainstream. if you have time to insults those who do in your day-to-day life, i hope you make the effort to take a step back and change that shitty habit. no shade, all tea.

11. judging a person does not define who they are. it defines who you are.

this might get cheesy, but who has the time to tear others down? this goes hand-in-hand with my previous point, but judging others really does not benefit anyone. it only makes you look like a douche, makes the other person feel like crap (believe me, every gossip you share to a friend will get out) and feeds society’s negativity. i know some of you might think, “oh, it’s easier said than done” but really, just shut the fuck up. after a while of not bullying others and shit-talking, it becomes a habit to just mind your own business. believe me, no one thinks your cool when you tear other people down. it really only shows how insecure you are.

10. it is okay to be emotional.

we don’t even have to be close, after a while it becomes pretty apparent that i am a VERY emotional person. not only do i cry when i get slightly offended, i cry when i get frustrated (for example, i’ve cry almost during every mathematical exam this year, not because i think i’m an idiot, only because math is fucking hard) and i even cry sometimes when i’m happy. for the longest of time i tried to force that side of me away, mainly because society has created this message that not feeling anything is cool af. being a bitch and mean is trendy and crying just shows weakness. but now, i see expressing yourself so vividly and emotionally as such one of the strongest traits a person can have. for me, crying or even showing my raw emotions is the biggest form of rebellion. fuck being emotionally stable all the time. we’re human. every person cries and has bad times in their lives. let’s make it a beautiful thing to express oneself in that manner. 

9. learn how to be on your own.

after drifting away from a few people, i realised how lucky i was to be able to enjoy my own company. at first it was a strange feelings. you never see people being alone in our society. it is label as being “lonely” or “weird”. but honestly, when your not listening to our world’s toxic way of thinking, you realise how unnatural it is for humans to not being able to enjoy being alone. yes, we are social creatures, but we’re also very highly intelligent. sometimes we need some “alone-time” for self-reflecting. learning to become your own best friend will result into you becoming one of the most confident people you will ever know. being alone will not only learn you to love yourself, it also prepares you for the times when you have nothing else to do but to be alone. life is so beautifully peaceful when your realise that the only person you ever need to be dependent of is yourself. simultaneously life will become easier, becomes the only person you’ll ever really need is yourself (and your mum in my case).

8. materialistic things mean literally nothing.

seriously. read that again until you believe. stop caring about your follower count or your likes. stop caring about what brand of clothes you wear or how much cash you have. things such as what type of schoolbag you carry, how “aesthetic” your school stationary is, how “trendy” you are or whenever your style is relevant enough means nothing. no one really cares if your followers are active enough, if you have enough brand-clothing, if you are in-tuned with the newest trends, how much you’ve spent on things or how much your willing to spend. 

no. one. cares.

people only care because other people do. think about it. if we stopped linking this imaginary sense of worth to these things, no one would ever give a second of their day thinking about it. but in our society, it has become second nature to look out for it. for subconsciously compare our likes and followers and money. of course, it is in our human code to want to strive above others, but i believe we need to shift that energy towards different things. strive to be kinder than the person next to you. strive to impact the world positively on a larger scale than the generation before you. those are the things that determine how great of a person you are. 

7. you really need to cautious of getting caught up in the numbers.

this one links with number 8, but it is a bit more focused on this that i struggled with this year (and what i am still struggling with). i made it a priority to lose some weight, and i did achieve it in a very healthy way in comparison with others, but the dieting culture still affected me in some way. for a few months, i became a bit obsessed with giving my everything in going through this body transformation. along with that, i made it a daily goal to break my personal records. records in a sense of weighing or consuming a little bit less than the previous 24 hours. don’t get me wrong, i never did anything physically to force my body to reject those numbers, but i would feel sad or unaccomplished if i didn’t achieve that goal. it became a race between how good (or how small) i looked and how much my body could keep up. i’ve come very far since then, but sometimes it still overwhelms me. this is usually when i remind myself that change is inevitable. remember, progress over perfection.

6. life sometimes sucks.

in total honesty, i struggled with a lot of anxiety and sadness this year. i went to see a therapist to talk about my feelings. it helped, really. but i think it’s safe to say that person who truly saved me was myself. i became my very own hero this year. i learned myself how to dug out of that hole. life is going to suck. being a teenager with hormones, i do experience mood things. but being human, i experience feelings. maybe i have some type of mental illness, maybe i don’t. the world may never know. all i know is that sometimes you have to help yourself from the darkness.

just a little disclaimer; listen to yourself. listen to others. mental illness and sad thoughts aren’t things to be treated lightly. life gets rough and we know so little about mental health. please, whenever you have some form of mental illness or someone you might who has, be kind. treat them softly. we have no control how we react or feel about certain things. acting hostile towards your feeling or thinking you can control your raw emotions will bring you no where but closer to more pain. it is okay to be vulnerable. just make it a effort to help yourself and others. 

5. you need to learn to let go.

please, learn yourself this skill. people are going to leave you and you are going to leave others. you are going to meet new people and do new things. no one and nothing is permanently there. let go of that heartbreak or of that toxic friendship. this is can come off as extremely cheesy, but it is really so so true. 

4. listen to your gut feeling.

one of the biggest mistakes i made this year was ignoring my instinct about certain people. if i reacted earlier on how i felt about someone or something, i would have saved so much tears. but so we learn. put yourself first in life. there is nothing wrong with that. you only have one lift, do not waste a minute doing anything that makes your uncomfortable. 

3. please never stop doing what you love in fear of other’s judgement.

i stopped editing for a while. why? i feared others discovering my fan account. it literally disgusted me to such a point where i felt an anxiety whenever i was creating anything with my editing software. i thought that people would think it was lame, so i forced myself to dislike it. now with not being able to edit due to technical difficulties with my laptop, i long for it so so much. i took all of that wasted time to create something for granted. never push your passions aside only to please others. what a waste of talent.

2. you can still enjoy doing something without being necessarily good at it.

you best believe i am one of the worst gamers in the world, but i enjoy it so much. i’m not a talented singer or dancer, but i will be singing and dancing my heart out whenever i feel like it. i might suck at writing novels and stories, but i enjoy the thought of being able to express myself to freely. enjoy being undoubtedly untalented in something that makes you feel alive. i’ll never be a star athlete or a worldwide famous actor but i still enjoy pushing my athletic abilities or attempting to do any accent. you really feel fulfilled when you do let yourself self-awareness go. just do what you love, no one can be talented at everything.

1. most importantly, appreciate every moment.

once upon a time, my history teacher delivered a speech in one of our weekly school assemblies. it was about not wishing seconds by. sometimes we wish we could fast forward to finishing school. sometimes we wish we can just get out of that period we all dread so much. sometimes we are not in the mood for a sport practise or to deliver a speech. but do we ever realise how quickly all of that can disappear? how blessed we are to be alive and to learn new skills? to express our opinions in front of a classroom? to be able to compete in a sport? we take small things and privileges in life so much for granted. life is so much better than what we give credit for it. also try to see the positive.

cannot wait to learn new things in 2019, here’s to another year full of pain and happiness. here’s another year of growth and living our unmistakably perfectly-flawed lives. 

[missredtie]

So, you all know by now how much I love talking about Adachi and since I don’t have much on my hands right now, I think I’m going to do it again.

Yesterday night I stumbled upon this video while looking for ... Adachi things (yes, I do watch periodically his final battle against the IT, don’t judge me ok) and I wholeheartedly recommend it to those who still have doubts about Adachi as a villain or as a character in general. 

Summing up, this video answers two questions which have gone around the fandom for a while (how old is this fandom anyway? it feels like I’ve been here forever, someone give me a veteran discount), namely:

Is Adachi realistic? 

Does Adachi fit P4′s story as its villain?

I’m not going to make a summary of what the guy says in the video (I mean, watch it), but I’m going to simply add or stress some of the things he mentions. 

Question 1.

"It doesn’t take an horrific childhood trauma to make a person into a monster”: I particularly loved this sentence because, well, this is kind of what Adachi’s character is all about. I think I will have to add just a little bit more of a context (because remember kids, when analyzing a character, never forget about the time and the place), by directing you to this post on the so called “Lost Decade”. Either way, what is important to understand is: Adachi is not your common villain who had childhood traumas or underwent abuses of some sort. For all we know, he lived in a well-off family who wanted him to study and become someone important and gain lots of money. Lots of pressure, of course, no time to have fun, high expectations and all that jazz, but no one would compare such things to what, for example, Goro went through. No. Poor kid had it much worse. However.  As the video correctly mentions, other factors like isolation, arrogance, lack of human contact twisted his view of the world to the point of him hating his current life to death. It doesn’t take much to turn a person into a monster. Which means, that your neighbour, your childhood friend, even you, under the right conditions, can become Adachi. And this is exactly what is fascinating (and terrifying) about him. I think that many people don’t like the way he’s written because he’s too real, and deny him for what he represents: how easy it is to step on the wrong path. 

However. There is something I didn’t like about that part of the video; or, let’s say, it was not clear enough. Adachi is compared to a mass-shooter who, I am very sorry, I don’t know much about. The comparison works, when the roots of their hatred towards the world are analyzed. Still, let us take a step back and try to be as objective as possible.

Adachi many and many times mentions that: “It was the TV that killed them”, “Throwing them him was never the plan”, “Everyone is the killer, including you”, “All I did was to give a little push” (quoting from memory here). Let’s leave these sentences here. Now, let’s recall the scene in the TV World where Yu confronts Adachi on his own: as we know, he shoots the boy to scare him away, but remember what Yu (or Souji, whatever floats your boat) thinks? “This didn’t seem like a threat” (again, quoting from memory). Then again, we have the infamous scene of him puking at the sight of a corpse (I have no objective proof here, but I honestly think it was a sincere....uh, puking-moment, if it makes sense). What I am trying to say is: he is not capable of killing anyone with his own hands. He did that - I mean, if Yamano was an accident, Saki surely was not- however he keeps on trying to distance himself from such things, “It was the TV that killed them”. He’s a disgusting manipulative bastard, but getting his hands dirty? I can’t see him having it. Even when stating that “We don’t need our world anymore”, Adachi can do that because he’s not actively doing it. Let the TV World engulf reality, see what I care. But firing a bullet through every people’s head and killing them? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh, nah. So, honestly? I don’t think he’d have the guts to go, I don’t know, at Junes, gun in his hand, and kill everyone. 

After all. What he wants is slightly different from what a mass-shooting is. “Better for mankind to turn into shadows.” He hates this world, Adachi hates this world’s guts. But what he can’t stand is, and now I’m accurately quoting: “Once everyone turns into Shadows, they’ll still keep on living, oblivious to all the things around them...[...] No need to hold back to anything...No more pretending we don’t see things.” People see things going wrong in this society, they see injustices, they struggle to obtain nothing: and this causes pain and suffering. At the end of the day, he doesn’t want to kill people, he wants to free them from society’s chains and turn everyone into creatures of pure instinct. In his very own weird and twisted way, he thinks he’s making a change for good. And I’m going to get a bit deeper about this in just a second.

Question 2.  

I don’t think I need to add much more to this part of the video. Adachi is clearly the other side of the coin of Yu. I actually want to continue talking about Adachi’s speech during his last fight. 

The whole point of P4 is understanding the power behind bonds and friendships, how they make you grow and change, and help dealing with the world around you. Listening to what the others have to say, understanding and trying to put yourself in people’s shoes. And this is where the IT utterly failed.

I am not saying there was any other way to behave in such a situation: in no way I am implying they should have gone like “Owww poor little ‘dachi, it’s ok, we forgive you”. No, that asshole needed a good spanking (no innuendos intended, please, no). However. 

What Adachi missed all his life was someone, anyone, to stand by his side, to vent to, I imagine, someone to share his troubles with. During his speech, he many times mentions things like “You are young and you still don’t know anything about life”, “I’m telling you this ‘cause I already went through this shit and I’m warning you kids”. He’s warning them. He’s explaining that life is not all merry and happy and friends and adventures and fun. He’s saying, you might have hopes and dreams, but life will crush them, so be prepared. And the best response the IT can give to him is “Wow this is bullshit u suck shut up”. And again, yes, they had ALL the reasons to be mad at Adachi, BUT there was no point in straightforwardly denying anything he was saying. I think that in this regard, the P5 gang did a much better job while dealing with Akechi, and I’m infinitely grateful to them for this. So, basically, what the IT did was nothing but to corroborate Adachi’s twisted view: “No one listens, no one understands”. 

This pretty much covers all the topics dealt with in the video. But there is something more I want to say. Of course, the video tries to explain Adachi as a villain. And when we think about a “villain”, as the guy mentions, we think about someone who can be described by negative adjectives or emotions or words only. So, yes, the video does a good job telling you why Adachi is a well written bad guy, but despite it being the first question addressed, it does not fully explain why he is a well written human being.

When I say human being, I mean that he is capable of experiencing not only negative feelings, but also positive ones. Him caring about Dojima, or about Nanako, him showing interest in Yu’s life is not in contrast with him being the P4 (mid) villain. 

Given the very poor contribution the IT gave to Adachi’s final speech (”guyz this world sucks and ill tell u why. in this essay i will” “sHUT UP ADACHI WHO CARES” >magydyne), he understands he has to abide by the rule of the world on his own. As shown in P4U, he wants nothing but serve his time in prison peacefully, he steps up only to help the guys preserve the world he still hates (’cause he still hates it ok), he understands that Minazuki is full of hatred like he once was, and hopes that he will change and open his eyes. Adachi understands the importance of the bond he shared with Dojima and realizes how blind he was. All on his own. Yeah, let’s say that Yu did like 50% of the job, but that’s because you are the main character and whatnot. 

He is capable of growing, of understanding and being stubborn (’cause lets admit it this world suckz am i rite fellow kids), because he is a well written human being. He can care for Dojima, while wanting to obliterate the world. He can tuck Nanako in, and still throw Saki in the TV. People are not completely black or white; they are made of many colors and shades.  

And this is it. I could talk about this piece of shit for hours, but maybe it’s better if I cut it here. Thanks for reading the whole thing, I know it’s long, so you deserve a round of applause, Adachi-style.  

Wow, I’m surprised you made it this far --quote. 

PS. I didn’t throw in the Ameno-Sagiri possession thing, because I wanted to be as objective and mumbojumbo-free as possible; I do believe it played a role as well, but probably only for a 20%. In any way or capacity I endorse what this piece of trash did; you can appreciate a character for what it is without calling it a poor and misunderstood babu uwu. Adachi needed prison, like, all of it. I hope he’s there staring at a wall.

[hulksmashin-bannerpackin]

Sunny Days Part 3

Pairings: Hulk x Reader Bruce Banner x Reader

Summary: Reader wants to have a lazy day.

Part 2 Part 4

“Bruuuce~” Y/N cooed as she sat down on the edge of the bed. “Come cuddle with me?” She was feeling like today should be a lazy day.

Bruce gave a tight, regretful smile. “If l do that l won’t leave the bed for hours and I really need to get back to Tony.” He said as he continued to rifle through the draws in his desk looking for his notebook.

“Can’t you skip it?” Y/N pulled a childish face.

Bruce turned around, clutching his found notebook as he shrugged up his shoulders. “I-l really shouldn’t. He can’t start without my notes.”

Y/N drummed her fingers against the covers and stared at Bruce with a mischievous grin who in turn gave her an incredulous look. “Y/N! I really do have to go-“

“Huuuulk~” She cut him off. “I want to cuddle!”

Bruce braced himself with one arm against the set of draws and released a low groan from the back of his throat.

When he looked up again he had vibrant green eyes. Hulk, now in control of Bruce’s body looked at the notebook he was holding, then at the inviting image of Y/N beckoning him towards her and tossed the book aside and strode towards her.

It had taken Bruce and Hulk a lot of adjusting and getting use to time sharing his body. Hulk wanted to be able to spend time with S/N and it was just easier in Bruce’s body. While they still fought and in Y/N’s opinion often bickered they did their best to function together. Y/N couldn’t imagine what it was like to have to share a body after all.

“Banner is stupid.” Hulk said as he crawled onto the bed, laying down and weaving his arms around Y/N who laid on his chest.

“Don’t call him that.” She chastised lightly as she snuggled against him. Yes. This was good. This is what lazy Sundays were for. She could feel all the weeks tension fading away.

“He is.” Hulk mumbled, of course Banner was stupid. Choosing his stupid science and numbers over having Y/N in his arms.

“I don’t let Bruce call you names. I won’t let you do it either.”

They spent the next hour or so in a comfortable silence and giving eachother soft caresses.

“Y/N?” Hulk spoke up, hand carding through her hair.

“Hmm?” She replied softly, almost too engrossed in how relaxed she was to respond.

“Why... do you love me...?”

“Well that’s a stupid question.” Y/N scoffed dismissively.

He flexed his knuckles, brow creased pensively.

Hulk was a being born out of rage and fear. Fire and hatred. So much negativity and consumed with darkness. No one wanted Hulk. Why would they when he could quite literally snap at any moment into an explosive anger, destroy anything in his path and have the capability to easily kill those he loved.

Y/N placed her palms on his chest and pushed herself up to look at him. “The day you saved me was the day you became my hero. Then you came back, I got to know you and Bruce and...” She shrugged her shoulders. “I’ve never felt so connected to anyone.” She rested her head back on his chest.

Hulk’s eyes swept over their intertwined limbs, looking at the tanned skin of Bruce’s body.

“What if,” Hulk took a moment to try to find the right words, even though he could think clearer when he was calmer he still struggled sometimes to convey his thoughts. “What if we didn’t, get along.” The sentence was strained. “And I couldn’t...”

“Shhh.” Y/N hushed him, knowing what he was trying to say. “If you two didn’t figure out the time sharing system then we’d have figured something else out. If women can be attracted to sparking vampires and extraterrestrials why can’t I be attracted to a giant green man.”

Hulk felt a wave of what he now recognised as happiness roll through him. He was still getting use to the more positive emotions that because of Y/N he now had the luxury of feeling. Hulk held her tighter and let the silence wash over the room once more. Nothing else needed to be said.

Permanent Tags: @insanityismysanity12345 @greenangrysnowflake @kitchensink-to-me @zadyalyss @becaamm @theweirdlunatic @itsjackothy @bluebird-burning-gold @surfin-the-sun @ncville @daft-not-punk @fangirlbitch02 @gabriels-trix @ivy-16-18 @theblackqueen-ofmyheart

Starry Nights/Sunny Days Tags: @saysay125@itsnotsomefangirl @madelonj@soulshadow1027 @jinxpikachu @goldhat-coolcat

[mouse]

Thoughts on Emotional Abuse and Boundaries

Abuse isn’t just when someone hits you or rapes you. Abuse also happens with words. An emotional abuser wants to tear you down, point out what is wrong with you, trap you in their negativity, and force you to be dependent on them for your all of your decisions and your sense of self. They think that every part of who you are and every part of your life is their business. Many may think that by crippling you emotionally, you will never be able to leave.

Here’s the rule: Never put up with someone who talks down to you, calls you names, yells at you, or speaks to you disrespectfully. When you notice that this is happening, it is important to set boundaries.

It is never okay for someone to talk to you like this, no matter what the circumstances. You are a human being and you deserve respect. Don’t yell back or call them names in retaliation, but don’t ignore it either. If you passively accept their disrespect, you are giving your silent consent to this kind of treatment. Instead, while trying to keep calm, tell them it isn’t okay for them to talk to you like that. Do your best not to let them control your emotions. Leave the room, leave the house, remove yourself from the situation until they can talk to you respectfully. It is never too late to tell your partner that this kind of behavior is unacceptable.

Setting boundaries with a volatile person is easier said than done. Understand that they will not see your point of view and may twist your words to try to throw you off balance. They will not accept you placing any blame on them, and will resent the fact that you are trying to take their control of you away from them. Don’t be afraid of the unavoidable confrontation. Expect it. Go in knowing you cannot rely on them to agree with you or do what you want. All you can control is yourself and what you will allow to continue in your life. Remind yourself that you don’t need their approval or validation, and make an effort not to get drawn into an argument. Setting boundaries are all about being aware of what you need to be emotionally healthy and expressing these needs firmly. It is about you and not them. Boundaries are not things that should be compromised. 

Your partner may try to manipulate you into thinking you are overreacting or that your feelings are not valid, not understanding that no one else can tell you what you are thinking and feeling. If your partner disputes what you are feeling as invalid, or ties to tell you how you are thinking and feeling, enlighten them.

“Excuse me, if you want to know how I feel or what I think or why I did something, I’ll tell you. I’m interested in having a conversation with you. If you’re going to tell me how I think and how I feel there’s no point, I may as well not be here. My feelings are my own and I’m asking you to respect me enough to listen to what I have to say. You’re not asking me what I feel, you’re assuming you know. If you’d like to know, we can have an intelligent conversation about that. But if you’re going to keep telling me what I think and telling me what I know, there’s no need for me to be a part of this conversation.” This response is courtesy of Lisa A Romano, who gives this advice here.

Lisa Romano is a life coach who specializes in helping others heal from codependency, narcissistic abuse, emotional neglect, psychological invisibility, and alike, as described on her YouTube channel. Her content is incredibly useful and informative for anyone struggling with one of the above problems, and YouTube in general has lots of helpful resources on psychological issues. One of Lisa’s videos focuses on tips for how to deal with an emotional abuser, specifically a narcissist. She suggests 5 key phrases that can be used to disarm the attempted emotional manipulation of the aggressor:

1) “I am sorry you feel that way.”

2) “I can accept your faulty perception of me.”

3) “I have no right to control how you see me or I have no right to control your perception of this situation.”

4) “I guess I have to accept how you feel.”

5) “Your anger is not my responsibility.”

These phrases take the air out of the aggressor’s argument. By accepting that you cannot control the opinion other people hold of you, you are not allowing yourself to be manipulated and dragged into an argument where you feel like you need to defend yourself and change how they see you. I highly recommend watching her YouTube video about these 5 key phrases, as well as her video about how to set boundaries with narcissists and difficult people, and why confronting narcissists is so hard.

It’s important to acknowledge that this is an incredibly stressful situation to go through. Talk to your friends and family about what has been happening, or keep a journal about all your partner’s actions and how they shape your opinion of them. It’s important to have a space for yourself outside of your partner’s influence where you can breathe and think things over. Understand that your life is yours to control and no one else’s, unless you willingly give them that power.

If after you have figured out and firmly set your boundaries, your boundaries are still repeatedly overstepped and there is no progress, it may be time to say goodbye to this person. Remember, it takes more strength to leave a bad relationship than to stay and try to fix it. You are worth more than that. You deserve to be happy and to be with people who treat you with respect. If necessary, you may need to cut off all ties with this person. You do not owe them an explanation, you do not owe it to them to keep trying. The only obligation you have is to yourself to be happy, to feel safe and loved. To sacrifice your own happiness in order to satisfy someone else’s needs is ludicrous.

I’d like to end this post with some wise words from psychologist Henry Cloud’s book Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life.

“The Law of Exposure says that your boundaries need to be made visible to others and communicated to them in relationship. We have many boundary problems because of relational fears. We are beset by fears of guilt, not being liked, loss of love, loss of connection, loss of approval, receiving anger, being known, and so on… Because of these fears, we try to have secret boundaries. We withdraw passively and quietly, instead of communicating an honest no to someone we love. We secretly resent instead of telling someone that we are angry about how they have hurt us. Often, we will privately endure the pain of someone`s irresponsibility instead of telling them how their behavior affects us and other loved ones, information that would be helpful to their soul.”

“People with poor boundaries struggle with saying no to the pressure, demands, and sometimes the real needs of others. They feel that if they say no to someone, they will endanger that relationship with that person. So they passively comply, but inwardly resent.”

“When we begin to set boundaries with people we love, a really hard thing happens: they hurt. They may feel a hole where you used to plug up their aloneness, their disorganization, or their financial irresponsibility. Whatever it is, they will feel a loss. If you love them, this will be difficult for you to watch. But, when you are dealing with someone who is hurting, remember that your boundaries are both necessary for you and helpful for them. If you have been enabling them to be irresponsible, your limit setting may nudge them toward responsibility.”

“We cause pain by making choices that others do not like, but we also cause pain by confronting people when they are wrong. But if we do not share our anger with another, bitterness and hatred can set in. We need to be honest with one another about how we are hurt.”

“An important thing to remember about boundaries is that they exist, and they will affect us, whether or not we communicate them... we suffer when we do not communicate the reality of our boundaries. If our boundaries are not communicated and exposed directly, they will be communicated indirectly or through manipulation.”

“We can't manipulate people into swallowing our boundaries by sugarcoating them. Boundaries are a "litmus test" for the quality of our relationships. Those people in our lives who can respect our boundaries will love our wills, our opinions, our separateness. Those who can't respect our boundaries are telling us that they don't love our nos. They only love our yeses, our compliance. "I only like it when you do what I want.”

“Setting limits has to do with telling the truth. The Bible clearly distinguishes between those who love truth and those who don’t. First, there is the person who welcomes your boundaries. Who accepts them. Who listens to them. Who says, “I’m glad you have a separate opinion. It makes me a better person.” This person is called wise, or righteous. The second type hates limits. Resents your difference. Tries to manipulate you into giving up your treasures. Try our “litmus test” experiment with your significant relationships. Tell them no in some area. You’ll either come out with increased intimacy—or learn that there was very little to begin with.”

“Spouses in healthy relationships cherish each other’s space and are champions of each other’s causes.”

“Do not let an out-of-control person be the cue for you to change your course. Just allow him to be angry and decide for yourself what you need to do.”

“People who own their lives do not feel guilty when they make choices about where they are going. They take other people into consideration, but when they make choices for the wishes of others, they are choosing out of love, not guilt; to advance a good, not to avoid being bad.”

“Remember the Law of Power: You only have the power to change yourself. You can’t change another person. You must see yourself as the problem, not the other person. To see another person as the problem to be fixed is to give that person power over you and your well-being.”

“Many people are too quick to trust someone in the name of forgiveness and not make sure that the other is producing “fruit in keeping with repentance” (Luke 3:8). To continue to open yourself up emotionally to an abusive or addicted person without seeing true change is foolish. Forgive, but guard your heart until you see sustained change.”

“You need to get far enough away from abusive people to be able to fence your property against further invasion. And then you need to own the treasures you find in your soul.”

“Power is not something you demand or deserve, it is something you express. The ultimate expression of power is love; it is the ability not to express power, but to restrain it. Proactive people are able to love others as themselves. They have mutual respect.”

[castielinparadise]

ALL 😘

*mimic of Castiel squint* Fine lol

(Season 12 spoilers!!!)

1. What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?*

Okay so here we go: Sabriel, Sastiel, Samifer, Sadreel, Wincest, Cas x Mary, Mary x Ketch, Bobby x Mary, and a couple more that I currently cannot think of.

2. Are there any popular fandom OTPs you only BroTP?*

Answered!

3. Have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion?

100% yes I have. I don’t regret it either lolol

4. Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP?*

Answered!

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?*

Not yet! I hope it never comes to that, either.

6. Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?*

Answered!

7. Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now?*

Not that I can think of, no. Not to the extent of not being able to stand it, rather.

8. Have you received anon hate? What about?*

Answered!

9. Most disliked character(s)? Why?

Okay strap down because I have a list (why is in parenthesis): Mr. Ketch (because he’s an arrogant ass who kills without remorse [i.e. Magda, Mick, etc.], plus a couple more things), Metatron (or shall I say, Douchetron. I don’t like how he treated Cas, he fucked over all of the Angels [even the dicks], etc.), Mary (See Season 12), Dick Roman (killed Bobby; also: See Season 7), Lucifer (*cracks knuckles* killed Rowena, killed Castiel [twice], killed Bobby, was the main cause of Crowley’s death, *points towards the cage* that; I could go on, but I’m not going to), Gadreel (because he lied to Dean and killed Kevin), and a shit ton more that I would go and list all of them, but I’m too lazy lmaooo.

10. Most disliked arc? Why?

Answered!

11. Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t. Why?

Well, I don’t really know who is considered unpopular or disliked character, so I’m just going to say unpopular characters that I love (I normally dislike characters that everyone else dislikes lol).

Garth, Benny, Jo, etc.

12. Is there an unpopular arc that you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

As I’ve said before, I don’t really know what is considered unpopular, but I do like the Demon!Dean arc, Soulless!Sam arc, Human!Castiel arc, the Benny arc, and a few others!

13. Unpopular opinion about XXX character?

Lucifer

He needs to die for good

14. Unpopular opinion about your fandom?

It’s pretty nice (probably because I stay away from wank, though)

15. Unpopular opinion about the manga/show?

I haven’t watched it, so I wouldn’t have one! I am, however, planning on watching it eventually.

16. If you could change anything in the show, what would you change?

The goddamn writers smh (plus canon Destiel, naturally lol).

17. Instead of XYZ happening, I would have made ABC happen…

Mary coming back

I would have had someone like Bobby (not AU!Bobby) or Ellen come back because Sam and Dean had a better relationship with them, and they would have smacked Sam and Dean into shape!

18. Does not shipping something ‘popular’ mean you’re in denial and/or biased?

No! Of course not! You can ship whatever you want! I may have a different opinion on it, but I won’t try to stop you from shipping something that you enjoy!

19. What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?

The way that some of them treat the people that play the characters in the show! For Example: people that hate on Misha (for multiple, complete bullshit reasons), people that hate on Jared (for multiple, shit reasons as well), etc. Hatred towards the actors/actresses in general just pisses me off; like, fuck off, honestly. Take your negativity away from this fandom; if you hate it so much, just leave lol.

Also, the way our fandom treats other fandoms. Why do we have to be so mean to every other fandom on here?? I just don’t get it. People like this just give the good, nice people in the fandom a bad rep. If you’re going to be an ass to other fandoms just because you want to, then bye; just leave now. I can’t stand it.

20. What is the purest ship in the fandom?

Probably Castiel x Happiness or Saileen (*cries*)

21. What are your thoughts on crack ships?

Okay, quick funny story about this question. I had no idea what a crack ship was, so I asked Rebekah ( @pretttypadalecki, naturally), and she explained it to me by using Dean x Pie as an example.

Now that I’ve said that, I think they’re hilarious, but I don’t think I would ever see myself shipping one of them lol. Like I said, ship what you want; I won’t stop you!

22. Popular character you hate?

Lucifer. Just straight up Lucifer. Before I watched the show, I used to call him Lucy Lucifer, but now I just think he’s a dick; the writers are honestly just milking his character at this point. Sure, he can be funny and sassy, but he’s also a major dickhead and a whiny asshole who’s didn’t like what his daddy did, so he threw a temper tantrum and got his ass kicked out because Chuck wasn’t having any of that shit. I just don’t like him, lol.

23. Unpopular character you love?

I guess Garth? I don’t know how popular or unpopular he is, but I love him :D

24. Would you recommend XXX to a friend? Why or why not?

Destiel

Defintely! In fact, I have! With @pretttypadalecki! She doesn’t ship it as hard as I do, but she can see the Chemistry!

25. How would you end XXX/Would you change the ending of XXX?

Season 12

First, Mary would have never come back; I would have also killed her dead (lol Sammy quote). She annoyed me the entirety of this season, even though she did sacrifice herself to save her boys. She also almost got Castiel killed in 12x12, so yeah.

Second, I would have ended the BMOL sooner than they did. Possibly before 12x17 so Mick and Eileen never die. They also annoyed me from the second they were introduced, so I would have just not brought them in. Plus, having both a Lucifer and BMOL arc was super confusing; I would have just chosen one and stuck with it.

Third, Castiel never would have been killed. Nor Crowley or Rowena. Why? Well, I would have killed Lucifer straight up before any of them died. He annoyed me the entire time. Also, no dead Cas because it makes my heart hurt because I love him :’((((((

That’s probably not everything, but it’s all I can think of at the moment.

Oh yeah. I would have fired Bucklemings asses before Charlie was killed because that was a stupid ass decision. Also before Kevin because Kevin didn’t deserve to be killed.

Also, f u c k  B u c k l e m i n g. That is all.

26. Most shippable character?

I would say Sam because I’ve seen a ton of ships with him in them (even though I don’t ship all of them; tbh I only ship Sam with Jess and also a little bit of Eileen in there too, lol).

27. Least shippable character?

Metatron and Lucifer, in my opinion. They’re just dicks that I don’t see any chemistry with anyone besides themselves.

Thank you for sending me this :)

~Salty Ask List~

[truthandlove]

WINNING THROUGH GRATITUDE

This is a mashup of a book I read along with some of the sage advice gleaned from corporate leaders, internet leaders and fitness coaches - all leaders who succeeded through understanding human nature. I hope it serves you today.

INGREDIENT ONE: hatred is wasted energy

A friend of mine from years back would always be so chipper, letting the ups and downs of business roll off his back and it seemed he was always increasing his business, while having this crazy abundance of time to spend with his family. As he was a small business owner / entrepreneur - and one with 4 preschool kids no less, this ability was unheard of to me. So much so, that I couldn't help but be intrigued but it and had to ask him about it and he said, "I learned years back that hatred is wasted energy. While my competitors are in fear-consciousness, imagining scenarios that invite them into envy, I'm too busy enjoying what I do. I pity them if they have time to compare themselves back and forth, wasting precious energy on judging. I just focus on thrilling my customers, putting any stress on God's shoulders, and loving everyone I encounter."

He did not just say it, I saw him living it. I can attest that the result was a freedom and ease to his business. He worked in a focused way and had time for the truly important. Although in his late 20's this one principle had given him wisdom and a level of peace beyond his years.

INGREDIENT TWO: enlightenment

Fast forward to the book "Winning through Enlightenment" which expanded my perspective on things. It taught me the real meaning of integrity, of responsibility and accountability. And in contrast how twisted most everyone's sense of these concepts is today, de-evolving them into blame games, into us versus them tribal consciousness. The book called all that unenlightened and showed how it is self-sabotaging, but realizing the true advantage integrity, responsibility and accountability gives you, winning becomes easy, and nearly inevitable.

It also taught me some about love. How coming from any kind of context of neediness undermines love as need is counter to love, because love is all about giving. So any time I come to a relationship (close relationships, relationships with strangers, etc.) NEEDING that other person to respond in any given way eclipses your ability to freely give and receive love. If you're not consciously choosing from a union of heart and mind; you're probably just reacting.

INGREDIENT THREE: actively applying your stores of energy

Years later, I was flown to LA to shoot a large, multi-day wedding there – the first of many weddings on the West coast. I was trying LA's rail system and exploring where it let to. I was 20 lbs overweight at the time and encountered this radiant man, so it sparked a conversation with that stranger. Turns out, although he looked fairly "corporate" in dress and manner, he was a full-time personal trainer. He said "you've got an abundance of stored energy there (referring to my own bodyfat). Ever thought of putting all that energy to better use?"

And he said a few other things, but this is what stuck with me - a transformed way to look at fat, not as "bad" in our culture, but as what it actually was: stored ENERGY. And the realization I could choose to apply that energy, my own energy as a storehouse of vitality (as opposed to non-vitality like how were taught to believe it to be these day) to apply to purposeful goals.

Just as my body was trying to store up energy on my behalf, so I would have it for key periods in the future where I might need it, so to all that I used to think was "negative" was actually there to serve me, meaning to be USEFUL to me as a resource to forward my goals. My body is not my enemy and fat is not my enemy - when I let it be what it was trying to be all along, something intended to serve my life. Today, I extrapolate that to many circumstances in life that could potentially threaten me or burden me, are really there to forward success in the largest sense.

INGREDIENT FOUR: the trap of comparison

Now, let's expand that with a teaching I heard by Tony Evans. He's not unique to communicate this, but that happened to be where I first heard it explicitly pinpointed this way. And the teaching is this: the comparison game is a game you can only lose. Remember that War Games movie? And the lesson of the movie was the only way to win the game was not to play? Like that. To enter into comparison can only have 1 of 2 bad outcomes:

1. you feel better than the person to which you compare yourself - leading to the pitfall of false pride.

2. you feel worse/below than the person/thing to which you compare yourself - leading to the pitfall of false shame.

He's right. Both feeling BETTER or feeling WORSE than something outside you is completely dis-empowering. Instead be imitators of God. And what did God do? Instead of using our every failure to judge and condemn us, he initiated Grace. His proactive love chose to GIVE. It gave us an opportunity to reconnect to Him as the foundation of our life - after all talk about a fountainhead of life-energy! God himself does not sit around looking for opportunities to blame and condemn when we don't meet His standards. Instead he looks for opportunities to BLESS.

Every command from God is reflective of the gracious heart of God and intended to bless US. Now religious people in their own unenlightened, wounded conditions can all have their own issues giving and receiving - aka participating in -- the very grace of God and may have terribly misrepresented the actual heart of God. But don't get tripped up by another imperfect or distorted reflection of God; instead go straight to the source of the Person of God. If you're on track; you will find the reality is a throne of terrifying power and amazing grace. Terrifying to those who are so arrogant as to be judgmental towards other humans, and amazing grace to those who know they need help and are willing to receive it.

So we find that comparison is also wasted energy. Your ACTUAL competition is only yourself. Those who fight to beat out others live miserable, whiny and bitter. They have to as they set their lives up IN REACTION to so many things outside their control. Those who live to outperform yesterday's level of living, enjoy the success and blessing that comes from humble, God-appreciating and self-growth approach to each day.

INGREDIENT FIVE: the trap of offense

Both my training in existentialism and the book "The Bait of Satan" by John Bevere opened my eyes to how any kind of offended state totally shuts us down. We can no longer hear the other person. We can no longer be proactive. We are a mindless, survival reaction of self-protection. And self protection is great! But getting STUCK in a self-protective mode when it does not serve us, is not just infantile, it is a doorway to lots of evil. You see, the moment anyone goes into an offended state, not only does their internal world go into spasm mode, like a torn muscle clamping down and just trying to hold onto anything for dear life, but we justify meanness, hatred, bigotry, and all kinds of attacks on the "threat" we imagine is "offending us."

Both sets of training pointed to consciously realizing when we're in the grip of offense and consciously relinquishing it. Through finding greater strength through transparency, through vulnerability, through humility - the very thing an offended person is incapable of doing. Offendedness strangles your ability to enjoy love:

Offended mode:

• hurt and reacting to perceived wounds

• focused on self-protection

• threatened

• lash out

• feel victimized

• strong need to change someone else

• feeling oh so serious and right about my position on things

Loving mode:

• focused on making a positive difference, regardless if feeling joyful or hurt in the moment

• opportunity seeking

• secure and giving-oriented

• look for ways to enlighten others

• look for ways to serve, to give

• secure that you are taken care of by a God who is so much bigger than any threat and whose powerful love intends only good for your life as only a secure person (trusting in receiving) can AFFORD to give out to others

To let anyone, a person, a word, an event trigger offense in you is to clap down and put the brakes on your own life. It is an evil trap. John articulates how the devil engineers things to trip us up into offended mindsets so that we go into hate/attack mode instead of loving/giving mode. Thus making the exact wrong thing to do appear like the right thing to do in that deceived state. For you who wish to avail yourself of more understanding of this process, there's a video covering some of it:

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=john+bevere+bait+of+satan

THE MASHUP:

So it comes back to this: Hatred is wasted energy. Offense is wasted energy. Comparison is wasted energy. Resentment is wasted energy. Trying to judge/punish/condemn another human for their "wrongness" is wasted energy. Living in self-righteous indignation is wasted energy. Domination and control strategies resist love and are wasted energy. Do you want to live entrapped or enlivened?

Today, I can choose: to live small in us-vs-them mode, to live in a giving mode, a sharing everything good I come across mode. And this context of choosing to give I've found to be the supremely powerful one.

If you're at all intrigued by that "supremely powerful" statement, there's a whole book by Leanne Payne that unpacks it called 'Real Presence', where her way of speaking about this dynamic kind of life is "the realized and integrated personality." One she describes as free from what others think of me, free from fears, free from old meanings connected to notions of failure and so forth. It's an in-depth analysis -- which is so refreshing in our hasty and superficial times, but one you may find to be freeing and revitalizing :-)

I am a storehouse of energy: biochemical energy, emotional energy, mental energy and spiritual energy. How will I use it today? Not knowing how many "today's" I have left, I choose to use it by living joyfully on purpose. So I appropriate the lessons of "winning through enlightenment" in winning through GRATITUDE. Gratitude freely receives and freely gives. Only gratitude is truly ALIVE.

What do you call anything, a biological cell for example, that is not properly giving or receiving? You call it either nearly dead or you pronounce it dead. It is not interacting with its surroundings, its life, in a healthy way. At the interpersonal level (and I believe the quality of our interpersonal relationships has a lot to do with the practical quality of our lives), if you are not giving and receiving contribution, you're hardly living.

But how can any one "really" do that? To be so darn "grateful" all the time, when it seems so easy and weirdly attractive to be merely grumpy or reactive? Why have a grateful attitude when you can simply go with the flow to be easily-offended in a hyper politically correct heard? Part of the answer is in realizing that everything that comes my way only serves me. I don't want you to think life is about "me." I don't mean to promote any more narcissism as we're already experiencing an abundance of that in today's culture.

But "serving me" I mean that life can be thought of as a feedback loop - some call it karma or other terms whereby both people and circumstances are there to teach me lessons - call me out where I'm off. So, by saying everything is there to "serve me", I mean to take everything as an opportunity - to change, to learn, to grow, to recommit if that's needed, etc. In this way instead of things THREATENING you, they SERVE you. They are transformed from dangerous into triggers for more gratitude. I'm no longer this wound twitching around in spasm reactions to anything that remotely resembles things I've learned to be afraid of; I'm a secure, spiritually grounded conscious identity looking for opportunity, looking to use things to my advantage because I know my advantage is full of contributing to others at every level. I'm building an eternal legacy after all :-)

Here, compliments and criticisms alike have zero affect on my identity, self-esteem as they are merely the noise going on inside other people's minds, with their tangled psychology and codependent consciousness. Their confined boxes called "needing to be right", "self-righteous judgment", "competition consciousness", "doing things in order to" mess and all the rest based in scarcity, based in offense, based in woundedness consciousness -- based in not basking in abundance.

Try it, it is a freeing, beautiful way to live. Live it and people will actually think you're being arrogant when you're not at all. You just have supreme confidence because you're not working IN ORDER TO WIN, but FROM a victory already won. That changes everything.

No, it does not magically change your outer circumstances. No, it is not a magic wand to change other people to suit your whims. Rather it changes you and the resources from which you draw to use every circumstance as a platform from which to give. And specifically in terms of photographic work, it's given me more photography to do that I could ever even get to! Allowing me to cherry pick only the jobs that I feel are from God and re-direct the rest to others as a blessing to them. Everything in my life really IS an opportunity, to be grateful for everything, use it responsibly, and GIVE away the rest in the field of abundance as a pure gift. Really everything is a gift. We can't cling to anything. We can only give it away in the end. So in light of this truth, shouldn't every moment be about giving? About loving?

Do I always "fully", "perfectly" live every moment from the truths below? Of course not, silly. I still have room to improve consistency. But for any reader to even have that mental thought, looking to dismiss someone if you suppose they have a whiff of imperfection, is the very losing, non-grateful trap that just missed the whole point - of this contribution and really of you very own life. Don't miss the point, friends.

When you get right down to it; what is that about? Its about justifying staying untransformed. You might "succeed" at resisting a threatening truth that would disrupt your previous identity or level of conscious. But that is the very definition of losing as life.

I realize why you do it. You're afraid. It is threatening to your current identity to admit you're little more than a pathetic, knee-jerk fear reaction is a thousand different variations of fear, woundedness and faking it. Nothing pisses people off like a truth, you know. You cover that shame/fear with a compensation of superiority. While that is designed as a proactive ego armor to help you feel better in the moment, you just put yourself into the comparison trap of dualistic superiority/inferiority leading to a scheming, survivalistic punishment/reward mindset - exactly how serpents and demons think.

You live tossed around by me-vs-them thoughts or "what will others think", like a bad surfer pummeled by waves - waves you think are larger than yourself, instead of me-AND-them perspective. I've lived there too. It just not a fun or vibrant place to live, in my opinion. Let truth have its disruptive effect and change you for the better.

Friends, our resources are unlimited, but our energy is limited. How you use every energy today is literally choosing your destiny. I can't tell you that I'm a good example to follow; only that I am enlightened - meaning consciously choosing instead of reacting or being triggered. I can't change how I've misused my own energy in the past - getting triggered and hooked by my own past fears - but I can benefit myself and everyone I encounter by not wasting energy and by always re-directing back to my larger purpose. That freedom and vitality is fully available to everyone - everyone who chooses to live proactively in the fullest sense of the word.

My today and my tomorrow is a grateful one as I've already won and have nothing to prove to anyone. My life is a multidimensional one, and I'm already living from my grateful today and my glorious tomorrow. Just remember, without giving, you're not really loving and that is a sad, unnecessary way to experience this precious, amazing life. To choose is a blessing. Choose. I wish you all the happiness I possess and more!

6/01/2014 by Marcus Kaiser