#because the other side also has same issues and can't handle the talk well enough

[nemurenaivoron]

good post however

being perceived is scary

are you ever like damn why is literally everyone else scared of openly communicating and being direct and truthful and honest

[beneathsilverstars]

very possible youve done this before but…. can u come up with some hcs about how the party connects with nille? in a post canon hypothetical

(youve probably talked a lot about nille before but just!! general ideas. maybe silly ideas. anything u wanna share you havent talked about before. etc :])

Ok this is all minor spoilers for my currently unposted Nille fanfic and major spoilers for my currently unwritten post-canon fanfic but I don't care if you don't, let's go.

People usually write Nille as quite overprotective of Bonnie, and I do too, but I also write her as unsure that she's good enough to protect them! So her big reaction to meeting the party is "I failed to keep Bonnie safe, of course I failed, I was always doomed to fail. And these people succeeded!! Who am I next to the Saviors of Vaugarde??"

So she kinda feels like shit, personally. And she has no idea how to act around the party, because there's the way she acts around strangers, and there's the way she acts around people she trusts, and it is understandably bizarre for those circles to overlap. Since she can't be suspicious or friendly, and she's feeling somewhat useless, I think her instinct is to kinda just... fade back..? Which is upsetting to her in itself, which feeds back into the problems. But! Everyone is very determined to connect with her, and "we love the same kid" is a great way to bond, and Nille still has her usual Bambouche support system to help her sort out her feelings, and the party have been working on their communication skills. So they figure it out!

Her exact first impression of Siffrin probably depends a lot on how he's coping at that point post-canon, which isn't something I've decided yet... But it's some sort of strange mix of "I owe you my life" and "Wowww do you need my therapist's number" and "#Relatable /neg /pos". Siffrin meanwhile is anxious as fuck because he's not just meeting the most important person in Bonnie's life, she also has the power to break apart the family he nearly destroyed the world to keep together! So it's a little awkwardly intense on both sides.

Then once they get to know each other better, there's some emotional difficulty in how similar they are; it's hard not to compare what's worse, remembering shitty parents or not remembering any family, being alone or having to take care of a young child. So there's some pity and guilty jealousy on both sides. But also commiseration and understanding! But also they're liable to trigger each other's issues occasionally, what with Siffrin still having a rather poor handle on their own emotions and Nille disrupting the party dynamics. But they don't really hold it against each other; it would be hypocritical, and none of that matters compared to the fact that they've both nearly died for Bonnie. They like to go fishing together, sometimes Nille helps explain things that Siffrin only knows through muscle memory. And Nille does end up passing on some therapy tips!

Nille is a little star-struck by Mirabelle, who is the Chosen Savior of Vaugarde and only a couple years older than her and so heroic and nice and well-adjusted! Mirabelle is on a similar but less extreme wavelength, excited to meet Bonnie's sister who she's heard so intriguingly little about, but who must be so brave and cool! Once they get to know each other more it's kind of a confidence boost for Nille to realize that even Mirabelle has anxiety and imposter syndrome and is just some girl who found herself in the position to do something and she did her best to do it. And Mirabelle thinks Nille is just as cool as she imagined!

They end up taking some small classes together for fun at various Houses while they travel. When Mirabelle figures out that Nille isn't very good at reading, she reads books to her sometimes, and recommends her books that aren't too hard but also aren't too kiddie. One more for the girl's night book club! They have some good convos too about the balance of protecting and caring for a child vs giving them space to grow confident and independent, since Mira's parents were quite stifling; it's easier to find the acceptable middle range when you know what both failure modes look like, instead of just the one horrible extreme.

Isabeau is very friendly, and used to working with strangers and projecting an aura of safety, so he's got the chillest dynamic with Nille to start. He's the one who notices that her easy acceptance of the group was a little too easy and actually has some difficult feelings behind it. And he's been working on being braver, so he consults with his friends and then talks to Nille about it! I think it's a scary conversation but helpful in the long run, it's the start of establishing actual personal trust rather than just assumptions and idealization.

Since that precedent has been set, Isabeau becomes Nille's first choice if she needs to bring something up to the group. Doesn't hurt that he reminds her of one of the first people she met in Bambouche, too! On Isabeau's side, he likes having the opportunity to get to know someone new while he's figuring out his new self. And he's so delighted when she joins the war on puns as a whole new front: dad jokes. She wasn't even particularly into them before, she just wanted to shake up the battlefield. Nille and Isabeau also spar sometimes, because she hates how poorly she did at defending Bonnie, and Isabeau has the most formal/practical training in self-defense to pass on. (And he's the most willing to do physically-demanding activities for fun after already walking all day.)

Nille finds Odile intimidating. She's not sweet like Mira, or exuberant like Isa, or, uh, whatever the fuck Siffrin has going on. She's a full generation older than Nille and hard to read! Scary! But Bonnie adores her, and she's been making an effort to be more reassuring to Siffrin lately which shows, and Isabeau starts being more teasing-rude to Odile (the way she is to him) to prove that he can annoy her without repercussion which is really funny. So it doesn't take all too long for Nille to come down from high alert for the most part! And Odile respects Nille hardcore for raising Bonnie and takes her very seriously, which she appreciates.

Odile takes point on tutoring Bonnie, because she has some formal teaching experience and they're most likely to sit and listen for her anyway, but the others will give lessons on this or that. But Odile soon realizes from the way Nille hovers but doesn't help that she is actually further behind in schooling than Bonnie, and makes it her mission to rectify that. It's kinda rocky at first because Nille is both self-conscious of and resigned to her lack of education, but once she starts getting into it she really gets into it! This brings Odile and Nille a lot closer and Nille ends up admiring her a lot, especially as she catches hints of wild Odile lore.

Loop really likes getting to know Nille, since she never knew pre-loops Siffrin but she's still connected to their family. Not a stranger, not a copy, best of both worlds! Nille also appreciates having another person there who feels out of place in the party dynamics. She thinks Loop is funny, but also worrying, but they have enough people worried about them that she decides to goof off with them and enable them instead. Like yes it's probably bad for their mental health to make this kind of joke but it's worse to have everyone constantly analyzing their jokes' healthiness, yknow? Ironically, this (along with her newcomer status) means that Loop takes her worry more seriously and is more likely to listen to her than anyone else (except maybe Siffrin but only maybe).

Sometimes Loop gets a little too frantically irrational and it freaks Nille out because it reminds her of her and her mom's manic episodes. But she can disengage and tag someone else in, and see from afar that it all turns out okay! Loop gets some therapy tips from her too, but not necessarily the same ones as Siffrin. And they give her super shitty advice in return, in that way where it makes you realize how shitty it is and commit yourself to doing the opposite. They like to do silly things together that Nille never got the chance to do as a child and Loop doesn't remember doing, like rolling around in mud puddles and staying up all night just to watch the sunrise. Nille doesn't feel as self-conscious about acting juvenile because Loop is like a billion years old, but she also doesn't have to be in charge the way she is when playing with Bonnie! And Loop gets to make brand new memories with someone who has no old ones to compare them to!

Bonnie is super happy to see Nille for like, a day, and then they get really mad at her more often than not for like a week (because now that they're home with her it's safe to be distraught and uncooperative), and then they settle back into a more consistent dynamic. But it takes a while longer for them to be able to comfortably get any farther away from each other than maybe a room over; Bonnie confidently heads off and then suddenly comes running back, and Nille is so brave about separating and bravely panics the entire time. Oh well! The first time around it only took her a couple years to get to be okay with Bonnie being away from her, she'll figure it out again eventually!

There's no rush.

[canpandaspvp]

KEEP TALKING ABOUT THE SBI FIC THING IM REALLY INTERESTED!! I've always wanted to study that side of the fandom under a microscope but it's scary.

buddy that place is WILDDDD. ok so things you need to know abt sbi side

1. they're damn good writers

2. i don't think they know how to write fanfiction

3. in another universe they create some very well known, published authors

because essentially everything they write is so fucking detached the second it enters an au. with dnf and the general dt side of things, there are differences. sure often times it's a bit more identifiable as fanfiction but that's not a BAD thing. it literally just means people know how to write fanfiction which is what they were intending to do anyways so like hooray

with sbi, i've read SEVERAL (as in i can go into my bookmarks right now and count out at least 10) fics that have just changed and deviated so far from the original source material that it's hard to even understand what they're talking about. in that regard, 100% dnfers get caught out before sbiers, but that's only in the circumstance that they get published at all. sbiers are really creative -- TOO creative, obviously to the point of creation ocs with names and descriptions that often times only vaguely resemble phil, tommy, wilbur, and techno -- which gives them the upper hand publication wise.

that leads into dark sbi which, let it be known, i have NEVER EVER liked. i personally thought it was harsh and unenjoyable but also goddamn did they make some good stories. obviously i read them bc even though i hated the vampires and the kidnapping and shit, it was good. the upper hand of writing fanfiction is that shit is more fast paced and attention grabbing, due to the lack of exposition and shit. so sbiers likely get published first, get discovered on booktube (not booktok cause they only read romance that's packed with tropes to the point of dysfunction), and they at least semi-spread from there until someone is who can't handle any difficult topics in fiction gets upset. but that's a different kind of controversy entirely

sbiers are good authors but they're stuck in this weird limbo of "it's not fanfiction it's just inspired original content" which sort of creates a new genre entirely. they pull some good fanfiction elements into its own realm entirely and it's really frustrating when you want to read fanfiction of something but if you're looking for something fast paced and good to read that aligns with the weird fanon universe they've created, they're your subfandom.

a lot of fics also appeal to personal issues that people are able to project onto easily (i speak from experience) so, while dnf is typically shorter, more accurate, and lighthearted, sbi has dynamics that people often crave in their real life and more people that they can insert themselves into. um that sounds weird but ykwim

they also have The AU's which dnf has but it's just not to the extent that sbi has it. the trifecta:

1. superhero aus

2. royalty aus

3. foster care aus

ran that tag for a good 2 years minimum. those are the sort of Peter Parker Goes On A Field Trip To Stark Industries type of aus where you have a good baseline that people get attached to, so you can sort of rewrite the same story different enough that people feel like they're reading smth new each time. and it works!! if people were to publish an sbi fic (which would likely fall into one of those 3 categories), it'd be realllyyyyyy recognizable just bc it was such a staple in the community. ifl im missing some other big categories but those are just the aus that i remembered off the top of my head that showed up a fuckton

don't get me wrong, i ❤️ dnf fanfiction and you def could publish it if you tried hard enough, but those authors do shit right. the characterization is so niche and specific, the dynamics are so unique, and often times, there just isn't enough in one fic to build and create a story. so much of dnf fanfiction relies on the fact that you already know those two, you know who they are, how they behave, their stakes regarding each other, etc etc. with sbi, the authors end up essentially writing their own stories so much so that they have to tell the story like it's a novel rather than fanfiction. it's very interesting imo esp bc fanon tommy for example is so extremely, incomprehensibly different from c!tommy or cc!tommy, with only enough hits of similarity to keep you hooked into the story with the illusion that you're actually reading the same character, when more often then not, it's like 1/4 tommy, 1/4 fandom misinterpretation interpretation, 1/4 author projection, and 1/4 recycled oc. again, speaking from experience.

also, sbi authors are pretty cocky about their writing, and it's really noticeable when they write a fic with the intention of changing the names and couple minor details to submit to an editing company for a few rounds of revision before they publish their nyt bestseller a few years down the line. they didn't need to leave the fandom to abandon their shit. lorehead analysts have a decent grasp of their content (but i'm biased), but lorehead writers?? different monster entirely. the second dsmp stands for something like "delicious small mtown pforsuperherovillanvigilanteshenanigans" then you know they're too far gone. they're attached to THEIR characters, not the dsmp's; if it means sacrificing the original source material for real life recognition, they'd do it in a heartbeat. i don't blame them but the point still stands.

this is all over the place i'm so sorry idek if i said anything you wanted to know but

tl;dr sbi fanfiction sort of became its own medium between fanfiction and original work so they're more likely to get published, but they fall into the same dynamics in the same type of universes that would easily get them figured out. dnf writers just seem to mind their damn business more. anyway, most dnf writers that left the fandom seem to want to completely forget that they ever did That. usually they just orphan/delete and move on cause they're embarrassed.

sorry again i'm so not good at explaining my thoughts but i did NOT spend 2 1/2 years reading sbi fanfiction 24/7 for nothing. i need to put my experience to use somehow so thanks for letting me do that 😭😭😭

[the-music-maniac]

random rant incoming

Y'know, while I think the ship of Kazurei is absolutely adorable, I'm also perfectly happy with Kazuki and Rei being purely friends, cause tbh I love the idea of platonic love and unconventional families and two het men not being absolutely terrified of being conceived as gay with that no homo shit because they don't see it as an issue, and just raising a child together with a friend - we need more media representation of platonic love and unconventional families and they're so adorable and I love how the show depicts them already -

H O W E V E R

The homophobic people I've been seeing online going "oh thank god they're not gay, NOW I can watch it" or just refusing to watch it because they STILL think two totally platonic guy best friends raising a kid together is too "gay"????  It's pissing me off. Enough that I want to ship them even harder out of spite - draw a shit ton of Kazurei fanart and make their eyes bleed. I already liked this ship, it's fucking adorable, but my shipping was also 100% casual. Not ride or die. I would be perfectly happy with them as platonic best friends raising an adorable 4 year old. But damn is that petty side of me taking over now.

I understand if people are tired of media putting too much importance on romantic relationships and not enough on platonic, it's an exasperation I totally understand and definitely feel as well. And of course you don't need to watch media that you aren't interested in, and I 100% understand if people just straight up don't like Kazuki and Rei together as anything but platonic because they don't think it fits! All of that is so valid. But I think it's the entitlement in these specific comments that piss me off. The implication of there being too much lgbtq+ rep nowadays, of all of it being too loud, oh no I can't get away from it, oh no, must you turn every single character gay??? You can't see a single straight person on tv! We aren't able to ignore your existence anymore, oh the humanity!  

I hate to break it to these dumbasses, but the internet has been shipping canonically platonic characters together since the beginning of the internet. The only difference is that they don't have any complaints about it if it's a platonic guy and girl friendship that’s being shipped romantically. It's just interesting how they only start finding an issue with romantic relationships overshadowing platonic ones when it's two people of the same gender. And the nature of these types of complaints piss me off because despite how much better lgbtq+ rep has gotten over the years, we are still so far from having enough rep in media. So many people have grown up with heteronormativity shoved so far down their throats (me included) that they didn't even realize what their sexuality was until adulthood! I can't even watch an insta reel of a guy and girl being best friends without the entire comments section talking about how they're secretly in love with each other! People look at me and their automatic reaction is always that I must only like the opposite gender, and if I happen to want to go on a date with a girl in public instead of a guy there will always that part of me that screams unsafe unsafe unsafe. And people can't even handle the existence of a cute little anime about two PLATONIC guy best friends raising a kid, or the existence of a fucking ship that isn't hurting anyone???? Give me a goddamned break

[naniwagusto]

I completely forgot about Father's Day lmao I'm sorry

I think in having to write for my fic and looking again and again at the games it's undeniable Asuka cares about her dad- I think the difficulty is in figuring out how she sees him. Because we have to consider how it makes sense that Asuka grew up to be so angry, grew up to be self centered, grew up to be violent, and how it is despite obviously using dad in the hospital as an excuse to have fun at the tournament in 5 by her dialogue- she does still love him enough to have considered hunting Feng a form of revenge.

So really the question is what was dad's parenting like to make a person who's both self absorbed and in denial of the full breadth of her emotions yet still cares genuinely for others. Who feels so deeply for others she blows up taking drastic action not caring about her own well-being when she feels those she cares about who in turn are part of her are hurt.

Also the fact she takes her anger outside of the house by purposefully blowing off steam in fighting people on the street or in her various quests through the games, it feels as if she wouldn't see need to do that if she could express that anger in a more productive way at home. As if she doesn't feel she could just talk through her frustration with her dad or put it into energy as a dojo teacher alone. She felt the need for that extra external factor by going to look for strangers. And then you couple that with the narrative in her head that she's a hero for taking her anger outside the house because outside it's not anger anymore it's 'justice'.

Dad is probably strict but still tries to be fun and caring. He probably demanded a lot from her in training and filled her head with the ideal virtues expected in the serious side of their family to the point it gave her an ego in feeling so special because she's part of a group others aren't by birth. Over time that special feeling becomes the foundation of her arrogance. Plus I think she just has a natural taste for battle her dad only unknowingly encouraged and couldn't contain enough within her by the time she's old enough to go looking for her own fights.

So while he taught her many things and made her feel special in the process and did caring things despite his list of strict expectations, the issue has to be he just wasn't so emotionally available. Yes he was physically there and he could talk to her and he does love her, but he likely can't entirely understand her feelings, because he can't be more appropriately vulnerable toward her with his own feelings first. It creates this sense of 'Yeah Dad loves me but a lot of times he just doesn't get my point of view and he doesn't like explaining his' that creates a void in Asuka where acknowledging her own feelings becomes hard if it's not really needed for communicating.

Then in turn if Asuka feels she can't get full emotional connection and satisfaction from others then those emotions from a rejected outward source grow inward creating an egotistical mindset, because she has to depend on only her own emotional instincts. When it comes to a fundamental human need she has to depend on herself. And then of course no one likes feeling anything bad so without dad's proper example on handling emotions, she herself starts rejecting ANY negativity and turning it into anger and a tantrum rather than process it.

So I think Asuka and her dad are close but they don't fully connect with each other because neither is willing to be vulnerable. That's why Asuka in 5 is both willing to feel compelled toward revenge but at the same time selfishly wants to indulge her bloodlust and lack of care for herself lost in all her trapped emotions. Dad's lack of example has made it so any distress will eventually bleed into mindless reactive anger.

She's probably a lot like him in this sense and other ways we don't know because we haven't seen it yet. I also find it telling despite it being a throwaway line from Lili

(and we have no outright confirmation for if Lili was telling the truth but I see it as implied true since the dojo WAS decorated in 8 and Mr Kazama wouldn't have let that happen if he wasn't ok with it, it wouldn't make sense otherwise and there's nothing suggesting Lili used force getting the dojo at all)

- it's telling that Lili says Asuka's father agreed to and was overjoyed when she bought the Kazama Dojo; he never contacted Asuka he just makes a huge decision for the household that definitely was financially necessary but he does it without Asuka's knowledge or chance at input. A similar attitude was in the non-canon (and shitty lmao) Asuka spin off manga where Lili does the exact same move and Mr. Kazama is just as happy and tells Asuka to get over any of her grievances because the situation has gotten them out of debt etc. it's not canon but the license to write the manga was approved by Bamco, so I presume they had some oversight in allowing that plot point then carrying it into 7 and 8 albeit rewritten for the games.

Mr. Kazama like his daughter then gives the impression that he's doing what he's gonna do first, consequences will come later. That's just who he is and he's not gonna change it. Which would explain a lot about Asuka. He imprinted part of himself onto her and now there's areas where she's beyond his control because she's just as self determined.

[kattahj]

Me bitching about Last Twilight again

Trying to verbalise why Last Twilight is losing me, beyond what I said last week, because when it started, I could barely stand to wait to watch until I had stopped working, and now it takes me days to finish an episode. At this point, the main reason I intend to watch the rest of the show is that there are only two episodes left.

The first phrase that came to mind is, "This show is lying to me." Which is ridiculous. Of course it is! That's what fiction does! And there's fiction that cheerfully and deliberately feeds you the most outrageous nonsense and makes you go along with it.

But there's also fiction that tells you, "This is a genuine human emotion." And even though you KNOW you're watching actors, you believe it.

Last Twilight is telling me "This is a genuine human emotion," but I DON'T believe it, particularly because it's terrified of actually giving me any complexity.

The introduction of Day's dad last week (or, well, technically the week before) was a particularly blatant example. Nothing about those interactions felt real. It wasn't even really about Day's dad at all; it was a way for Day to sort out his feelings about Night. And now they're all sorted out and Day forgives Night, who doesn't get to verbalize his own feelings about the accident in the slightest (though Mark Pakin does his best with a minute of facial journey), because this part of the storyline is over now.

Mhok was always more of a boy scout with an image problem than an actual bad boy, but by now, all of his issues are sorted out or brushed aside, because obviously he can't get to be the one to need support, ever. Everything is about Day, which is unfortunate, because Sea isn't a strong enough actor to carry the show. Especially not since the only thing about Day is his blindness, and of course the romance.

Which, I'm sorry, but the romance lost me on that mountain top. I know a lot of people liked it, but it was such contrived sentimental tripe for Day to lose the last of his vision at the most romantically meaningful moment. Plus, like I said before, I don't buy these two as lovers.

(Sidenote: Even though Moonlight Chicken was a better show, I wasn't entirely happy about how Heart only existed when Li Ming was there. So shouldn't I be happy that Day gets more scenes with several people? But I guess what I'm looking for is balance, and reciprocity, each of the characters in the romantic couple being there for the other. I think, though it isn't my favourite in other ways, A Tale of Thousand Stars actually dealt with that better. And both ATOTS and MLC let their disabled characters have more facets to their characterisation.)

(Though really, when it comes to disability exploration in the QLs I've seen, Sleep With Me is where it's at.)

Originally, I was happy about Aon's inclusion as a blind guy who has his shit together, but as it turns out, that's ALL he is. His entire job in this show is to happily show "cool things you can still do while blind". That's not characterisation, it's a rehabilitation pep talk in human form.

Day's mom got to break out of her frown for five minutes. Really, for most of the show, you could just have stapled a picture of her on the wall with the words "Don't do that!" written on it, and cut to it intermittently, and it would have accomplished the same thing. I guess it's good she got to vary her routine a little, but I wouldn't exactly call it nuanced, yet.

Porjai… I don't want to be too harsh on Porjai. She's okay. But she's a side character, and as such, gets tugged along into whatever she needs to be for the other characters.

The final couple of episodes will determine how I feel about the whole thing. Especially now that we're getting the transplant. If the surgery fails, or is only partially successful, and depending on how that is handled, I'll probably still give the show a passing grade. But if we get last-minute healing, I'm done.

At least that disgusting rumour about Mhok dying and leaving his eyes to Day can finally be put to rest.

[ruvviks]

late to the party a bit BUT! pick three questions for both isaac & heavenly answers of which u think would surprise people :3

oc asks!

🩹 ADHESIVE BANDAGE — does your oc have any physical and/or mental disabilities?

heavenly has tourette's and adhd! as said in an earlier ask, most of his tics are little gestures he does, usually repetitive as well. for example, he can be seen holding his own thumb a lot when idling around, or running his hand over his neck which he usually has to repeat three times on the same side or once on both sides of his neck. other than that he has a few vocal tics which double as vocal stims for him :^) they help with focusing better but also when he's on a job he will try his best to control them because he has to be quiet

as for physical disabilities, he once broke a bone in his left shoulder badly on a job and it's healed by now but it's still giving him some chronic pain issues, which is why he can't really carry very heavy things with that arm or handle heavy firearms against that shoulder

🐷 PIG FACE — what is your oc's favorite animal?

heavenly loves wolves :^) he likes to joke about it a lot by going "i always preferred werewolves anyway" when talking about vampires LMAO it makes isaac very >:^| because "werewolves don't exist heavenly you should know this"

🤩 FACE WITH STARRY EYES — is your oc a planner, or are they more spontaneous in their actions?

heavenly loves planning stuff out beforehand and will do this in very detailed matter but once it's time to execute the plan he will throw it aside SO fast and just do whatever feels right to him. it's always worked better for him this way because it gives him a solid framework to fall back to if necessary but also allows him to just see where the job takes him and if he can get shit done by just doing whatever. gives him more freedom that way

🩸 DROP OF BLOOD — what is your oc's blood type?

isaac's blood type is O- which makes him a universal donor :^) he's very upset that vampire blood doesn't work too well on humans as actual human blood because he would want to donate blood but also doesn't want to take the risk, knowing it could not be enough to save someone's life

🚫 PROHIBITED — does your oc drink/smoke? do they do it regularly, or is it more on occasion or for special events?

isaac doesn't drink because it doesn't do anything for him anyway plus he doesn't really like the taste of alcohol, but he used to smoke a LOT. eventually stopped since it does still affect your lungs as a vampire and he didn't want to have to deal with that for the rest of eternity. it was very much a chainsmoking kind of situation because of stress and it helps surpress feral sense, but eventually he realized it wasn't worth it and instead found other ways to deal with it

💛 YELLOW HEART — how many languages does your oc speak? what language(s) are they learning, if any?

isaac speaks english, spanish, french, italian, latin, japanese and arabic! he also knows a bit of asl and he's still learning several other languages including finnish, german, dutch, irish, and korean :^) he loves languages a lot and has plenty of time to teach himself new ones anyway so why not right

[sunnywalnut]

This^^^

Like if you ASK me to infodump, I likely won't. Or if I try, it won't be very good. But if you ask me follow up questions and engage in genuine conversation, I probably will ramble a bit but I will stop halfway through and apologize. Because that is what has been conditioned of me. I've been told to keep it short. To not waste people's time.

But also sometimes I struggle with listening to OTHER people infodump bc

A: I don't know what the fuck is going on

B: I don't know enough about the source material to actually be engaged.

I'll still listen! I'll just probably be a bit distracted or uncertain of myself when I ask questions. Because I do love my friends. I'm just horrible at sitting still when things don't click "right" in my brain.

And yes. If those things that people infodump about challenges my strict sense of justice(because remember. That is an autistic trait as well) I will feel the intense need to share my feelings on the matter. Like my entire skin is burning and I'm going to combust unless I let it out.

Which more often than not leaves people irritated, frustrated, and disappointed that I don't also like The Thing

Which also ended up with me losing relationships with people that enjoyed things that I found controversial. Like k pop, for example.

The industry is exploitative and thrives off of harboring parasocial relationships with young fans.

I do not like that. I will tell you I don't like that. And I will not listen to k pop songs at all because of it. No matter how good they are or if their songs are in English.

This quite literally ended a friendship of mine bc they were too far into the fan space and had too much of a parasocial relationship that they took my criticism of the industry as me attacking the people they saw as their friends/family. They ghosted me for 2 entire weeks and for months after that, nothing changed. If anything, it got worse. Because both of us were on two opposite sides of the spectrum and I could not handle the sexualization, infantalization, [and sometimes f3tishization] alongside the fact that they would infodump information about these people EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

Meanwhile THEY could not handle the idea of somebody not wanting to listen to these cool people that they loved so much and thought were awesome as hell.

And before you judge either of us too harshly, please know that we were both 15 and this person likely did not know all of the things that I did about the industry. They just saw cute people that would talk to and have a relationship with their fans. Which is very normal for a fifteen year old. I however. Am obsessed with figuring out the dirty details of everything as soon as I can. Which leads to a lot of my black and white thinking. While I now recognize that this is the issue, as well as my age at the time, I've made peace with these events.

While I do think that both of us could've worked through a bunch of communication instead of being butts to one another and ignoring each other's boundaries, it quite literally was the stark differences and firm stand points that we had that ended our friendship. Because I was not able to let go of my morals enough to be supportive of my friend finding a new type of music they liked, and because they could not stop long enough to realize that maybe their (then asexual) friend does not want to watch videos of people biting their lip and the tens of thousands of explicit fanfic that came from that single moment.

We are both autistic. Or at least I believe so. I myself have a diagnosis, while last I heard from them, they were still in the middle of getting one. And five years later, I realize that this was also part of the problem.

Not every single autistic person is going to get along with one another. You can't just clock somebody as autistic and then ASSUME that they're gonna be okay with sitting in silence while you talk about your favorite band for three hours. The same way that you can't just ASSUME that somebody knows that when you are silent and don't look at them, it means that you want them to sit quietly with you.

Everyone has different needs. And sometimes those needs aren't met by someone else, even if you're similar in certain ways.

Developmental disabilities like autism have so many different ways of showing up and sometimes that clashes with other people in ways that you can't control.

The best you can do is to recognize how it affects you and to try and adapt to meet someone in the middle.

Like. Autism doesn't come with an automatic love of hearing anyone infodump about anything they love. In fact sometimes it comes with the opposite. Sometimes restricted interests are in fact restrictive enough to make anything else boring. Sometimes it's just hard to process that much speech. Doesn't mean we get to be unkind about it either but yeah. This fantasy people push of autistics having endless energy and appreciation for each other's special interests is just not realistic.

[skiyoosmi]

post-break up heartaches

verse 1. in the car that used to drive us to our home

⤷ kuroo tetsurou, oikawa tooru — more characters coming soon

⤷ verse 2 | verse 3

⤷ play. never let me go by ghostly kisses, forget about us by clinton kane

commissions: open

⇢ KUROO sighs for the umpteenth time of the day. he was so fucking exhausted and his body's about to give in to sleep any moment now. work has been beating his ass; there was this newbie who kept on messing up the documents needed by the board and for the whole day, he had to be the one to fix said issues. it's not like he wasn't paid enough for that; if anything, his paycheck was one of the most beautiful things he laid his eyes on— but god, even his body has its own limits and yet...

"ya.... yer not supposed to do this anymore. y-ya left me, remember?" you slurred, index finger pointing right at his chest as he circled his arms around your waist, huffing as you practically dropped all your weight on him. here he was, suddenly given the task of having to take you home after your supposed-to-be designated driver, miya fucking atsumu, also drank his brains out with you.

"be patient. still heartbroken because of you, y'know?" kenma softly tells him despite the tipsy feeling lurking in the back of his mind, shaking his head as he looked at you, whose system finally shut down and were now dozing off in the black haired man's arms.

"..... still?" he mumbles, looking down at your figure and he feels his heart contract with pain all over again.

"you can't expect her to be fine immediately, kuroo. it was your wedding day, supposed to be the greatest day of her life and yet it became the worst one... you left her at the altar alone."

he didn't reply anything— or rather, he was unable to. because what can he say to refute the truth? nothing. instead, he proceeded to his car with you still in his hold. he places you on the passenger seat, locking the seatbelts before jogging to the driver's side.

the car ride was calm as you slept soundly with your head occasionally hitting the window lightly as it swayed from side to side. he was sure as hell that if you were sober right now, you wouldn't even have the thought of seeing him cross your mind. he just knows for sure that you despise him with your whole being... at least, that's what he thought until...

"i'm sorry, tetsu. please come back," you whimper in your seat, voice quiet but he heard it nonetheless, "tell me what i did wrong so i can fix it."

the pitiful sounds and mumbles you made struck kuroo right in the heart and which makes him pull over an empty but safe road, just a block away from your (previously shared) apartment. looking over your form, he finds himself reaching out to touch your face, caressing your cheeks as drops of tears fell down slowly on them, "you didn't do anything wrong. you were fine. you were so perfect."

you squint your eyes at him, probably wondering if this was real or just a part of your drunken imagination. nonetheless, you hiccuped, "y-you... you left me and i... i still can't even bring myself to hate you... i just wanna ask you why? i just want to understand."

he thought he also knew the reason why but every single time he thinks about it, he's only led to one conclusion: because he was a coward. no way was this any of your fault— it's definitely not your fault that right at that moment, as he stared at the mirror, wearing the black suit you chose for him, the sudden fear of commitment loomed over him. it's not like it was your fault he suddenly got scared of losing you the way his parents lost each other. but now he thinks it's ironic, because he lost you anyway.

maybe... just maybe, if he had just met you where you stood at the altar, instead of leaving you alone in it, maybe he would've been happier. maybe his days would've started more with a smile from you as you helped him fix his necktie before going to work. maybe, the working hours he spends in the shitty corporate world would've been more worth it if it meant he can come home to you at the end of the day. maybe... maybe he wouldn't have to be stuck with this lump in his throat as he wonders what could've been happening if he just chose to show up and vowed his life to you.

but he didn't.

"i realized i wasn't just ready to tie my life with anyone yet. that's all there is to it, yn."

so with a heavy feeling stuck in his chest and a quiet promise to never see you again for the sake of not hurting you further, he starts the car's engine again, ignoring the words you replied but he was sure they will haunt him for a very long time... again.

i can wait for you no matter how long it takes, tetsu, you know that.

⇢ OIKAWA gives you what seems like a guilty smile as he stands in front of you, opening his arms and gesturing you to come closer. but the stoic expression on your face takes him back to the reality that the last thing you wanted to do today was to actually fetch him from the airport. it just so happens that his three best friends were caught up with work that they had no choice but to send you, the main ex-bestfriend slash ex-girlfriend, to him.

why did you agree when you practically loathe him with your whole being? well, it was probably because you weren't the devil who would reject your friends when they were literally on their knees as they begged you and for some reason, you thought he'll look pitiful going back to his home country after five years with no one to welcome him. yeah, that's it. it's not like you're still in love with him or anything.

"my car's just around the corner," you begrudgingly walk towards the car park with him quietly following. at the moment, he knew better than to get on your nerves or else there would be war. he hates that this happened to the both of you but he can't blame anyone else but himself. because who wouldn't hate their ex-boyfriend if they suddenly broke up with them over a phone call?

tension filled the car as you both sat beside each other. perhaps, this was what other people were talking about when they say that it's impossible for exes to be friends again, to not feel any awkwardness because you were sure as hell that the word "awkward" was an understatement of your situation right now. nevertheless, your eyes couldn't help but wander to his figure as he adjusted his body, opting for a more comfortable position in the passenger's seat.

he looked more youthful and you felt bittersweet— proud that his whole aura screams of "success" which meant that gone were the days where he longed to get that winter cup trophy, nor the times when he overworked himself and put a strain on his knee which led to countless arguments with you. if anything, he looked happier and it sucks because you're not even close to feeling that way... not without him.

"i heard you've finally gotten yourself your own condominium? that's great, yn!" he exclaimed as soon as you began driving to your destination, a hope lit within him that maybe you might just respond to him. just one smile, that's all i need, he thinks.

but you remain focused on your driving, choosing to reply with a single nod and a soft "yeah..."

disappointment fills his heart as he faces the truth that your relationship has really been ruined, along with your friendship. all because he was foolish to think that he couldn't handle the physical distance between you two. realization dawns upon him that he just made that same distance worse as you pull your heart further away from him.

"... i actually bought it for the two of us, you know?" he whips his head to your direction in surprise, heart clenching as he watch you let out a sad chuckle, "i just... i thought it would be nice if we had a place to permanently stay at and for you to have a home to go to when you're at japan. but yeah... i guess things doesn't go our way sometimes, does it?"

"i'm sor—"

"it's okay. i'm fine now," you quickly reply, shaking your head but keeping your eyes on the road. he tries to ignore the tears that start to form in them because he has no right to stop them, knowing full well that he was the one who caused them in the first place.

as if on cue, you halt your vehicle in front of a familiar apartment and much to your dismay, you find yourself looking back in the past when you used to live in that same place, making wonderful memories with the chocolate haired lad with you. you clear your throat to stop the sob that desperately attempts to escape your throat, "uhm... we're here."

"oh, yeah. we're here," he numbly states, already missing you despite the mere inches of space separating the two of you. you just felt so far away and he hates it. but this was the path he chose so he gets out of your car along with his things, turning to you once more, "uhh... thanks for the ride, yn. i know you probably hate me but yeah... it's very nice of you to put that past us and i guess i just want to say sorry for hurting you... i just..."

"i don't hate you, tooru," you softly tell him, "i just don't want anything to do with you anymore. to see you this happy, without me, is like a slap in the face because i'm not. it still hurts and i'm not fine. i just hope this will be the last time we'll see each other. be safe on your trip back to argentina. welcome home."

and with that, you start the car's engine again, no longer having the energy nor the strength to hear his reply. but he wishes you did because as he watches your car drive further away from him, he can't help but wish that he can take back time so that you don't have to go to that condominium and instead, go inside the home you once shared with him.

but i'm not happy, yn. because how could i call this place my home when you're not here with me?

at that moment, unbeknownst to the two hearts that long for each other break at the same time, you finally let out the tears and cries that you've been keeping since you saw him, knowing that no matter how much you try, you'll never be as happy as you were with him— simply because he left you with a hole in your heart that no one else can fill.

© SKIYOOSMI, 2021. reposting, translating, editing, copying and any kind of plagiarism are strictly prohibited, thank you.

[imperiuswrecked]

hi, have u read legion of x #2? just interested to get your perspective bc i really enjoyed it but im not a big kurt fan so I'm not 100% sure on his characterisation (i mean i know enough that that earlier series was... inconsistent with prior established personality traits) & i wanted to get your take on it!

Yes, I've read it! I'm enjoying this comic series so far and nothing the writer has written has been egregiously *bad* but also it's like I feel it's a very neutral take on Kurt, not bad but not great, and I'm still not sure if making Kurt a Mutant cop is the right direction for his character personally because to me Kurt isn't a Cop, and he is mostly outside of typical power dynamics like that, like he stands up for and helps people, but he isn't in the same league as say Scott when it comes to taking a leadership role where he is expected to uphold rules in some way which is why Kurt worked better in the og Excalibur as a leader figure but I'm just enjoying Kurt interacting with others and I'm interested to see where this goes.

I feel it has an interesting plot and I personally think the writer knows/enjoys David more than Kurt as far as characters go, but I'm so desperate for anything that isn't "Kurt is only about his religion" plots they've been doing for him so I've been ok with it. I feel that Krakoa has only hindered Kurt's potential and a lot of what Krakoa does is something that Kurt would be very upset about personally but like that's more of a constant displeasure with how Marvel is handling mutants on a whole. I like that Kurt is finally interacting with Beast again, it feels like it's been forever? I hope we can see more of his friendships with other x-men like Storm etc. who he is close to.

I wish the writer would show more of Kurt's flirty side as well but we still have some time to see if that shows up.

I will say that for Krakoa on the whole, how they are handling Kurt and Sooraya's religions makes me uncomfortable bc they constantly belittle or talk down to them for having their religion (Catholic and Muslim) and this whole "Spark" business, I don't know what to think about this but then again that isn't the main issue with this book but rather krakoa for wanting to throw out people's cultures/backgrounds/religions for a monolithic Mutant religion.

Writer's can't seem to understand that while Kurt is religious he doesn't force that on people or judge them for their religions (until that shitty Priest Kurt storyline) but it's been an ongoing issue with his character for decades now where writers just keep trying to make Kurt into this stereotype. I kinda just wish people would remember Kurt is a playful impish character who uses his faith as his personal strength but he isn't always serious.

If you ever want some kurt stuff @mister-wagner may not be active but they have a great backlog of stuff on their blog that might help!

[davekat-sucks]

One huge argument against the main davekat argument—that Dave could learn to open up and not hide behind irony around karkat—is that karkat is probably the worst character for someone to “loosen up” around considering how angry he is all the time. Karkat is an angry character in canon. He has a sharp tongue. Jade would be much better to perform the role of getting Dave to be soft and vulnerable than karkat because if someone had issues being vulnerable, why would they open up to karkat, who is known for being antagonistic? The situations where karkat is being gentle with Dave are all very OOC, but on the other hand, Jade doesn’t have those anger issues. Jade wouldn’t be antagonistic.

Terezi and Nepeta would be able to handle Karkat’s anger because they’re trolls and not insecure about their feelings and whatnot. I can just see Dave trying to open up to Karkat about his feelings and Karkat being very awkward, oblivious, and unintentionally hurtful with his words.

People claim that Jade is bitchy, but it's only if her buttons are really pushed that there's so much she has to be this silly happy girl until tolerance starts to wear thin. The same can be applied to John as well when you think about it. The Strilondes are more guarded while Harleyberts gives people the benefit of the doubt and try to find good in others before judging. Which is good for someone like Jade to help Dave to open up and show that it is okay to have this vulnerable moments. She won't think less of him if she sees it. Karkat being gentle really is OOC from the fandom side just to play up the fluff uwu soft sad bois with Davekat. I would have understand it more he does emulate gestures and actions that he has seen in romcoms in hopes that it would work out well with his partner. But would soon realize that even with his extensive knowledge in quadrants and romance from movies, wouldn't really apply in his present life. What works in the books and movies are not easily applied to the real world and it would be something Karkat would have to see and realize about his interest in romance and quadrants. Karkat's obliviousness to Terezi's feelings in Act 5 was also enough to see that subtle hints from Terezi, Karkat doesn't get it and unintentionally says something the opposite of what she expects. His talk with her in Openbound is the closest thing as he gets to really be his honest self and wanting to help the other. But it is because he has seen Terezi getting mixed up with people like Vriska or Gamzee, influencers that harm her mentality and she tries to brush it off as a natural thing because their alien race has to be used to this kind of thing. Karkat wants Terezi to break out of the viscous cycle and let Terezi be healed and take the kindness as it is. I can't imagine it with Dave, even after Dave's bullshit talk with Dirk Post Retcon. Karkat also has admit to dance around responding to Nepeta's feelings. He is aware of it, but hasn't done much to directly confront her. Was it out of fear from Equius' wrath that if he rejects her and Nepeta gets upset, Karkat is gonna get his ass kicked or worse? Does he continue playing up this grouchy dude in order to push her away, but still goes along like roleplaying with her when they talk out of kindness? He is shown to care about Nepeta on his talk with Eridan, but shows a bit of hypocrisy on his end if he can't tell Nepeta that he doesn't share those same red feelings or wish they could still be friends. At best, Karkat's blunt words work only for people that really have gone through and done shit. I can imagine his rant and talk with Eridan to be really heated. Karkat would guilty for not taking action at the time for Muderstuck and is now able to confront his old friend about it properly. He just happen to fail it when Karkat was speaking to PAST Eridan, not current Eridan. So even Karkat's decision of going to the past to tell him he's upset of his friend's future/current actions, while not being able to give details of what Eridan has done for sake of stable time loops and other bullshit. What is stopping Karkat from spilling those out to him at that moment? Friends dying? That he genuinely had though Eridan as a close friend that genocide was the last thing on his mind? Either way, Karkat might be the last person to open up to in sensitive moments.

[teecupangel]

Imma add @theconfusedartist’s tags here as well because this shows just how much Rauf sees what Altaïr is going thru and is helping him at the same time help the recruits under him XD

#i love it!! #this is why Altaïr never tries to tell rauf to stop asking him to teach his students #they learn the lesson of the eagle and Altaïr doesn’t blow a gasket after dealing with al mualim #win win for everyone but the novices #the worst part for them is that he’s not even going for any kill strikes #hes just slapping them around the ring #or countering (for grabs and swings) and it makes all the novices embarassed #that this one guy is just single handedly beating everyone#and looking more relaxed afterwards!! #wpuld hate to be the novice that gets their ass kicked so hard they start thinking about changing their role in the order #only to see Altaïr smiling like a madman after backhand slapping someone#like what would they be able to do other than thank allah hes on their side? #you can't beat that man. they couldn't even land a hit. hes the true unstoppable force #desmond watching in the animus wishing he had some popcorn

Malik was in a bad mood.

There was no other way to explain it.

Altaïr had been sending increasingly insistent letters requesting his presence in Masyaf.

He must take Malik as a fool and believed that Malik has no idea what that idiot was planning.

It was clear what he was planning.

The moment Malik returned to Masyaf, Altaïr would be putting his son in Malik’s arm to offkilter him and perhaps use the innocence of the child to make it harder for Malik to think. Then, once Altaïr had finished talking about the many issues their Brotherhood was embroiled in, he’d announce that Malik was to be his Keeper and he’d take Malik’s stunned silence as confirmation.

Malik was sure of it because that would be what he would do if he was in Altaïr’s shoes, after all.

But Malik cannot simply become the Keeper, not after being the acting mentor for the many years Altaïr spent away in Levant after Cyprus.

Not to mention, his extended stay in Masyaf meant that he had neglected his duties as the Rafiq of the Jerusalem bureau.

While it was strange for a Dai to be a Rafiq as well, it was still a responsibility that Malik took pride in. And he knew the men he had put in his stead to take care of the bureau while he was in Masyaf did a good job.

But it was not enough in Malik’s eyes.

He knew that he was hard on everyone. He was hard on himself as well.

But that didn’t stop him from having this itch to make sure everything was well.

He was delaying the inevitable, after all. He had started to receive letters from a few of the council members requesting him to just give in and take the Keeper title. The Brotherhood needed a Keeper, after all, and Al Mualim had not been able to assign a Keeper since Harash’s betrayal and death. They all knew Malik would be Altaïr’s Keeper but they couldn’t just start giving him the real duties of the Keeper unless Altaïr made the announcement.

And Altaïr would not make such an announcement without telling Malik first.

But Malik still needed more time.

He was already training the next Rafiq and all the Assassins assigned in the bureau were also being taught on everything Malik believed they should know.

He should be focused on all of these.

But…

He still could not help himself and he still made time every day to look after the progress of the new batch of novices sent to their bureau.

They were an interesting batch.

They were much faster and stronger than the previous batch Malik had handled. Most of them were even at the same combat level as Assassins who have been in a field for two years already, the remaining managing to make an Assassin with five years of real combat experience sweat and almost lose.

And they seemed so surprised by that fact.

Then he heard them say…

“Does this mean… his training actually works?”

“Was that hell actually worth something?”

Malik had been curious to why they would say such things. He knew that they were the latest batch under Rauf, having had their initiation pushed a few years later than it should have been due to the rapid changes the Brotherhood had gone thru.

Training was never easy. It was rigorous and it asked a lot on the recruits, yes, but Malik would never consider it hell.

And that wasn’t all.

These recruits…

They always looked at Malik with eyes that was grateful for… Malik’s mercy.

Malik has no other words to explain it.

Even when he was scolding them for messing up or making them train for half a day to further develop their Vision, they would always end the conversation with a words that can be summarized as:

“Thank you for teaching me.”

And

“Thank you for being kind.”

Malik was not a kind instructor.

He had been trained to be stern and demanding.

The Al-Sayf family had long held pride in being one of the old Assassin families and they held others in the same standard they held themselves.

His father had a good father but he had also been a stern instructor.

And Malik knew that he had inherited that sternness from his father.

So being thanked for being… kind… when he was sure he was being stern was strange.

They were strange children but Malik supposed…

It wasn’t bad.

Being looked at with such bright faces.

This all happened because of this post

Where @theconfusedartist left these tags:

#i love the little bounce he does after slapping the dude too #hes having so much fun slapping people around he doesn't even care if they die after that #hes just having a good time at that poinr#

Then I left these tags:

#(the little bounce is because he's stepping on a body and the game physics is wonky) #ssssshhhhh #this is altaïr having fun #let him have fun #he just had to listen to al mualim give a long ass lesson #this is how altaïr destresses

Then @thedragonqueen1998 left these tags:

#after every talk Altaïr has with Al Mualim a novice dies inside #cause they know they know he will beat the shit out of them to destress #XD

So have this small ‘outsider’s POV’ of a poor recruit:

They had heard tales of how one must tread carefully in the presence of Malik Al-Sayf, one of the few Dais to ever have his own bureau.

The Dai does care not for excuses and they had heard horror stories that ranged from the believable (the Dai will make a novice train his Vision until he starts to see stars) to obvious horseshit (the Dai feast on the tears of novices).

It was a common ‘warning story’ that one must be wary if they were stationed in Jerusalem.

But… in their eyes…

Masyaf was more of a hell.

Whenever the Eagle of Masyaf returned.

They were there when the master had stripped Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad of his rank.

They had heard the whispers how it was only the master’s mercy and love for him as a son that stayed the master’s hand from taking the man’s life.

But…

If the master truly did love the Eagle of Masyaf like a son then he was one of those frustrating fathers who always berated his own son because…

“Ah, Altaïr.”

They felt a shiver go down his spine and all of them shared a frightened look among themselves as their combat instructor, Rauf, called out to Altaïr.

All of them lowered their heads when Altaïr glanced at them with a face carved in stone to keep a blank expression only to be betrayed by the fury in his golden eyes.

Rauf paid it no heed and the recruits all know their instructor was not blind nor oblivious.

He always did this on purpose because he was the true monster who feasted on the tears of others.

“It seemed my students do not know how to properly wield a blade.” Rauf’s lips were curved into an easy grin and the fear loomed all around the recruits as their instructor continued, “If you can spare your time, would you be so kind as to teach them even just for a bit?”

Altaïr stared at Rauf for a moment and everyone hoped…

No.

They prayed that Altaïr would say ‘no’ this time around.

But…

“Very well.” Altaïr nodded at Rauf, “The usual then?”

“Yes.” Rauf replied, his easy grin appearing like a smile full of a predator’s teeth about to play with its food, “Thank you, Altaïr.”

As Altaïr walked towards the training ring, all recruits readied themselves.

For an afternoon of having to fight and be taken down by the strongest of them and an entire day of sore muscles and bruised ego.

[whimsicallyreading]

Dark Roast, No Sugar

“Last night I woke the hell up. I realized I need you here, as desperate as that sounds, yeah.” - Jon Bellion

Masterlist

Chapter Nine-

Aelin showed up to the police department in a pair of leggings and an oversized shirt. She didn't even bother putting on the new-ish sneakers she owned, opting for the ones with holes because they didn't squeeze her feet. It wasn't the first impression she wanted to give, but you deserve a little forgiveness when making a whole-ass human.

Leaning over the dash of the car, she presses a friendly kiss to the side of Chaol's face. "Thanks for the ride, boys."

His cheeks redden, and Dorian leans as much of his body as he can into the front of the car, "No sugar for me?"

Aelin laughs and kisses his cheek good-naturedly. "Feel less left out now?"

"Much better," the corners of his happy smile dim, his blue eyes dart to the doors of the precinct. "Are you sure you don't want me to call you a lawyer, Aelin?"

Chaol nods his agreement beside him, his hands clenching the steering wheel despite the car being in park. "Do you want me to go inside with you?"

Aelin feels a bubble of warmth blossoming in her chest. Their worried faces and eagerness to help her- it was almost enough to warm an assassin's heart. "Don't worry. They just need me to clarify a few things in my statement. Nothing serious. Paperwork issues."

Dorian and Chaol had shown up right as she was walking out of the front door of The Stag. When they realized she was leaving and offered her a ride... Aelin couldn't say no. Not with how her feet were aching.

It took some more reassuring, but they finally agreed to let her leave their caring grasps.

Fenrys met her at the door with a smile, "Hey, Baby Mama. Looking beautiful."

Aelin is surprised to find she's genuinely happy to see him. She can't help the toothy grin he brings out in her. "I'm well. How are you this morning, Fen?"

Fenrys lights up at the nickname. "I bought us some donuts. We have a hard day of work ahead of us, and I figured we would deserve a treat in advance."

Donuts sounded phenomenal and vastly improved her outlook of the day.

He steers her through the PD, and several heads turn to stare as she passes. Aelin didn't particularly care. Whatever they thought they knew about her, they probably didn't.

When they finally reach Rowan's office, they find him slumped over a laptop at a desk piled high with neatly stacked papers. The room is minimalistic. Only necessary office items were visible—no personal effects, knickknacks, or pictures of any kind adorning the space.

Rowan himself is also in his usual state of neatness, minus the dirt she could see staining the underside of his nails. He must have been gardening this morning.

Aelin doesn't bother with greetings. She grabs a chair opposite him and sits down. The last few days, she'd been feeling more drained and quick to tire. At first, she attributed it to the baby getting larger and demanding more of her body's resources, but now Aelin started to think that she caught a bug galavanting through the night.

Fenrys set a blueberry donut and a cup of hot tea in front of her. Bless him. Aelin mumbles her thanks before stuffing her mouth.

Rowan shuts his laptop with a snap and replaces it with a yellow notepad. "Alright, Aelin. I need a name. Who do you think is doing this?"

"When is Aedion getting released?" She says around a mouthful of glazed blueberry.

Fenrys slumps into an office chair at a tinier desk in the corner of the room. "This afternoon."

"If all goes well at this meeting," Rowan tacks on the thinly veiled warning. "I need a name."

Aelin leans back in her seat and takes a deep breath. There was a strange heaviness in giving his name. As if speaking it would materialize him into existence in front of her. Her goal when she moved to Ornyth was to forget about him and push her old master as far from her mind as she physically could, but she supposed it was naive to think he wouldn't come looking for her.

This wasn't just for her, Aelin reminds herself. Aedion would benefit from this conversation.

"His name is Arobynn Hammel. He's thirty-five, red hair, grey eyes, and an utter asshole." Aelin lays the name of her childhood tormentor out on the table. A bad taste sours her mouth.

Rowan tosses the notepad to Fenrys, who relays what she said to the paper. He looks at her over his desk with an unreadable expression. "What is your relation to Mr. Hammel?"

"Why?" Aelin chuckles as if the stress is trying to escape her with each half-hearted chuckle. "Do you want to know if he's my baby daddy?"

"Yes," Rowan and Fenrys say simultaneously.

Aelin's smile falls, and she scowls at both of them. They didn't know better, but she still felt insulted.

"He isn't, but I suppose he probably would have liked to be. Make sure to underline that," she points at Fenry's pad of paper. "Arobynn raised me. I don't think he was legally a foster parent, but he is who I was given to in the shuffle after the occupation."

Rowan dips his chin. Green eyes focus on her intensely, as if he's trying to absorb and commit her every word to memory. "How old were you when they put you in his care?"

"Eight," Aelin breathes out, a sharp tingling of grief comes with that admission. "I lived with him from the time I was eight until I turned nineteen."

"Why do you suspect him of producing and distributing Synth?" Rowan asks the nail-in-the-coffin question, and Aelin has to bite back old instincts to lie and conceal this information. It makes her feel vulnerable to expose Arobynn.

Vulnerability isn't an emotion she handles well. After all, when you bare your neck to someone, it becomes within their power to cut their throat.

"I've seen where he makes it, and I oversaw some of his high-risk contracts and dealings with the distribution," Fenrys chokes beside her, but he smothers it with a cough. Even Rowan looks a little taken back, eyes narrowing.

"At what age did you start assisting with his-" he struggles to find the words. "-His business practices."

Aelin blinks, "Eight."

This time, neither of them covers their reactions. They both freeze in their seats, an air of disbelief hanging over them. Aelin feels a chill and tugs at the hem of her shirt, wishing the sleeves were longer.

"What?" Rowan is the first to break the tension.

"I was displaced in the occupation," Aelin begins the watered-down version of her sob story. "I was carted into Adarlan and placed in the care of Arobynn Hammel. Within a couple of months, he was already using me as a mule to get orders across Rifthold. He trained me in various skills to carry out larger jobs, along with a few other children."

"There were others?" Rowan looks saddened by that tidbit.

Mentally Aelin wants to laugh.

Of course, he would be upset at the prospect of other good children suffering from such a fate.`Ones who had the potential he thought she lacked.

If only he knew what bastards they all grew up to be, and she by far was not the worst of them.

Fenrys' eyes were gleaming with more pity than Aelin was comfortable with because, unlike Rowan, she knew it was directed towards her. Gratefully he didn't dig too deeply. Instead, Fenrys picked up the next question. "Can you name the others?"

Aelin bites her lip, leg fidgeting under the table. "Tern Fletcher, Archer Flynn, Adam Mulligan, Lysandra Ennar-" she swallows past the lump in her throat. "Samuel Cortland and myself."

"Lysandra was involved?" Rowan leans back in his chair and crosses his arms. He hasn't looked away, barely blinked, since the questioning began. Aelin feels naked as his eyes seemed to be raking in her every movement.

"Not-" she tries to think of how to phrase it in a way that respects her friend's privacy. "She wasn't involved in the same capacity I was."

"Are the others you know still working with Hammel?" Rowan asks, and Aelin gladly lets them move the conversation away from Lys. She wasn't comfortable digging into her friend's wounds when she wasn't around.

"I suspect Mulligan, Flynn, and Fletcher. They were extremely loyal, and as of the last time I saw them, very active in the business." Aelin fondly remembers the beat down she laid on Archer before their parting words. He sold them out, and she hopes for his sake that they never run into each other again.

Fenrys looks up, "What about Samuel?"

"What?" Aelin flinches, the question taking her back.

"Samuel Cortland," Rowan reiterates. "You named him as one of the employees in Hammel's custody but implied he's no longer active in the business. Where is he then?" He leans forward, and Aelin wishes she could shrink back. "Would he be willing to speak with us?"

"Children." Her voice comes out as gruffer than she intends. "We were kids. Not employees. It wasn't a mutual agreement. None of us could consent to what became of us."

Aelin is surprised by the emotion that makes itself known. She swallows back the tears that want to fall and stuffs her trembling hands under her thighs. The implication any of them had a choice in serving Arobynn was disturbing and utterly wrong.

The taste of skin between her teeth, blood crusting under her nails, and being surrounded in pitch-black darkness consume her. Aelin suddenly feels more ill than she had this morning.

"Of course, Aelin." Fenrys placates. "That's understood. We just need to know where Samuel is. He could be very useful to the investigation."

"Dead," Aelin throws the word out like a dying fish on the table. "He died."

It hurt to say that. Tears burned in the corners of her eyes. Sam dying was worse than talking about Arobynn. A million times worse.

Aelin tries to swallow the lead rock in her throat. Arobynn didn't deserve to be known. His legacy was of blood, abuse, and control. It belonged in the sewer alongside his corpse.

Sam, on the other hand, deserved to be known. He abandoned by the system, forgotten by his family, and still chose kindness above all else. Sam's story deserved to be told, and it killed Aelin that it hurt her so much to share it.

"How did he die?" Fenrys prods delicately.

"What?" Aelin asks dumbly, heart accelerating in her chest.

"How did Samuel die? Any details you can give are beneficial. and you agreed to cooperate." Rowan reminds her sternly.

Mala save her, she couldn't go into detail about how she found him. She couldn't. Aelin feels blood rushing up to her head, and the room seems to sway.

"Sam. He liked to be called Sam-" Is all Aelin manages to choke out. "Excuse me."

Pushing herself from the desk, she shakily bolts for the office door. Their complaints are silenced as the glass shuts behind her. Outside, Aelin can feel the trembling beginning in her hands and spreading up her arms.

Sweat beads on her forehead in the oppressive heat of the building, but when she rubs her face, it feels damp and cold to the touch.

Aelin frantically strides down the hall, eyes darting around madly for a bathroom door. Nausea was creeping up her throat, and she really didn't want to throw up in someone's trashcan. She knew she was moving quickly, that someone might see her and become alarmed, but anxiety made everything feel like it was moving in slow motion.

A dainty hand grips her elbow and tugs in gently. "Follow me, dear. I can help you."

Aelin's head is swimming, and she allows the calming voice to steer her back in the other direction. When the person pushes open the bathroom door and Aelin sees the navy blue stalls, she rips her arm away and falls to her knees before the porcelain bowl.

Long, slender fingers pull her hair back from her face and rub her shoulders as Aelin loses her breakfast. "You are okay," the voice consoles—a hand massages up her spine and soothes the aches there.

Aelin's whole body is shuddering now. Her stomach rolls over itself, and the muscles of her diaphragm are quaking with exertion. She doubts she could get to her feet if she tried. A strand of drool hangs from her lips, and Aelin would be humiliated if her head wasn't still reeling.

Gouged eyes. Bent fingers. Blood on her lips.

A wad of paper towels appears and dabs at her cheeks, which Aelin hadn't even realized were wet with tears. She failed to notice that her body was shuddering under the intensity of the sobs coming from her. The woman continues to pat her cheeks and nose. Then to her mortification, it swipes at the spit hanging from her mouth.

Mala end me now, she mentally pleads.

Aelin looks up to find a woman with raven hair and onyx eyes looking at her sympathetically. "I'm sorry, dear. I don't mean to overstep. I've been where you are before. Please don't be embarrassed."

Opening her mouth, Aelin makes to apologize, but another crackling sob breaks from her chest instead.

She's just tired. Tired of being sad. Tired of feeling sick. Tired of being unable to even say his name without breaking down.

Arms wrap around Aelin's shoulders and tug her into an embrace. She allows her face to burrow into the woman's blazer as the grief racks through her body.

"Oh, sweety. It's going to be alright. I promise whatever is going on right now will work out." Fingers rake through Aelin's hair soothingly. It turns her to jello in the woman's arms. Her presence was just so motherly in a way that Aelin sorely misses.

She holds Aelin tight until she's calm enough to hold a plastic cup of water without dropping it. The woman helps her stand and wipes the mascara smudges off her cheeks with a damp towel. "There you go," she tosses the towel in the trash when she deems Aelin presentable. "Brand new, again."

"Thank you," Aelin breathes out at last. "I don't even know what to say."

"Say nothing," the woman waves her hand. "I've been pregnant before. Hormones. Nausea. It isn't an easy ride, dear. Besides, no one comes to a police station for a good reason." The woman pulls a stick of gum from a purse sitting on the sink and offers it to her. Aelin accepts it gratefully.

"Has anyone told you that stress isn't good for you?" Her kind eyes bore into Aelin worriedly. "You look very pale."

"I've been told. Many times." Aelin rubs her forehead, an ache already forming there. "I just don't have much of a choice."

"What's your name? I'm Maeve." She smiles and extends a hand for Aelin to shake.

Aelin takes the hand, happy that they aren't trembling so badly. "Aelin."

"Do you have any name ideas for the baby?" Maeve's eyes glance down towards the slight swell of her belly a little wistfully.

Names? Aelin periodically forgot that the human growing inside of her would pop into the world and require such a thing. It was a far-off event where she had plenty of time to accommodate for things in her head. In reality, she was halfway through her fourth month.

Time was ticking.

"No. I don't have any ideas yet." Aelin admits.

Maeve pats Aelin's shoulder kindly. "That's just fine. Ignore my curiosity. You have plenty of time if-" she emphasizes, "you take better care of yourself."

There is a knock on the door. "Aelin, are you alright?"

Rowan.

"Yes. I'll be back in a minute," Aelin says through the door.

She waits until his footsteps echo back down the hallway before she makes towards the exit. Eager to leave the bathroom and the memories of her awkward breakdown with it. "Thanks again. Really. I appreciate it."

Aelin truly meant it despite the utter humiliation she felt.

"Let me walk you back to Rowan's office?" Maeve asked. "It's easy to get turned around in this building."

They walked in a comfortable silence back to the office. Maeve's demeanor is so tranquil it surprises Aelin when the demure woman pushes the door open without knocking. "I have a delivery for you boys."

"Chief?" Rowan stands up, confused.

What? Aelin blinks and turns back to the woman, noting the black and whites and the metal badge on the breast of her blazer. The same blazer Aelin had just cried on.

Blood rushed to her face, and her brain curdles in her skull. Of course, it was the law of Orynth whose arms she just broke down in. Adarlan's Assassin reduced to a ball of hormones clinging to the chief detective of Terrasen like a baby clinging to its mother.

"Has she caused trouble?" Rowan's eyes glint with steel.

If you've done anything to degrade me to my boss, the deal is off.

"Not at all. We ran into each other in the bathroom and had a lovely chat," Maeve brushes an invisible piece of dust from Aelin's shoulder. "I will let the three of you get back to business. You are in excellent company."

Aelin's lip quirks. Just the opposite. She loves me. Congratulations, you are already reaping the benefits of my presence.

"Oh, and Fenrys?" Aelin looks at Fenrys, who is actively ignoring them. "The reports you promised are late. Have them to my desk by the end of the day, please."

"Will do, Chief." Fenrys' reply is dry and lacks his usual pep.

Aelin notes the worried glance Rowan throws him, but he swiftly covers it with an expressionless mask. "I will make sure he gets it done."

What was that? Aelin tries to pry an answer from Rowan, but he avoids her look.

When Maeve leaves, the tension eases from the men's shoulders.

"You are trouble," Rowan tosses at her without venom.

Aelin picks up the cup of tea she left at his desk, glad it's still warm. "Yes, but only the best kind."

"We haven't laid out a single plan for weaseling out Arobynn," Fenrys makes an irritated face at them. "If either of you could focus for ten minutes, we can do the rest of the questioning later, but we need to start throwing out ideas."

"Did Rowan piss in your tea in the last ten minutes I was gone?" Aelin shoots back, not appreciating his sudden attitude.

"Thirty," Rowan says. "You were gone for thirty minutes. That's why I came looking for you. Also, ruining beverages is your thing, not mine."

Damn, had she been gone that long? A glance at the clock confirms he was correct.

When she turns back to Rowan, there is almost something like worry in his eyes? That couldn't be right, Aelin rubs that aching side of her head again. She needed to stop reading so deeply into things.

"We can continue with questioning later," Rowan announces. "Fenrys is correct in saying we need to start making plans. You've given us enough to work with for now."

They sat back in their chairs, pulled out more notepads, red pens, and sticky notes. Together, Aelin helped them form a list of potential places Arobynn would be laying low. Hotels, rental homes, and vacant manors. He had a taste for luxury Aelin knew he wouldn't sacrifice for anonymity.

Test results were still running on the Synth. Technicians had let them know it showed highly abnormal properties compared to average street drugs, and they promised to send them an extensive report when they were through.

Rowan had hushed any potential news stories about The Stag shooting. He didn't want anyone who may know Celaena to catch wind and start snooping around. Aelin was his best lead, which afforded her a certain level of discretion he acknowledged.

They didn't know about the Bane patrolling her block at night, keeping their eyes on the streets for unusual activity.

The clock ticked, and the light beaming through the winders grew warmer as the afternoon trickled away. It was nearly five o'clock when Rowan declared then done for the day, and Aelin was utterly exhausted.

"Come on," Fenrys offered her a hand to help her stand. "I can drive you by the prison. Aedion should be getting checked out as we speak."

"Thank you," Aelin accepts the help. Her feet ached, and she felt entirely drained. It was good Fenrys was offering a ride, or she'd have to call Dorian to come and get her.

Together, the three of them made their way to the parking lot. Conversation between them was sparse but not unpleasant. They'd fallen into a rhythm at some point while working together. It helped break up some of the awkwardness between her and Rowan.

Aelin hustled a little bit when she spotted Fenry's luxury car. She wanted to claim the front seat before Rowan did. Her gut couldn't handle the stress of riding the back.

Her fingers barely grazed the polished handle when Fenrys started yelling.

Arms wrapped around her waist, and Aelin's face throbbed as it found itself slammed into the asphalt. A loud explosion rattled her ears, and chunks of debris went flying through the air. A thick foggy smoke started filling the air, and she immediately started choking on it.

A dense weight lifts off her back, and hands grab her shoulders, rolling her body to face the clouded sky instead of the ground. Rowan is in her personal space immediately. He's speaking to her, but no sound is penetrating the ringing in her ears.

His hands are running along her arms, the side of her face, checking for injury. Aelin tries to ask him if he's alright, but he doesn't seem able to hear her either.

Suddenly, Fenrys is there, and he's grabbing them both by the arms. They are moving away at a sprint. Fenrys is yelling, but the smoke is stinging her eyes, and even seeing is becoming hard.

There is another explosion, and Aelin can feel the tremors beneath the soles of her shoes as the three of them hit the ground once more.

People are pouring out of the precinct. Aelin spies Cheif Maeve at the front of them, ordering people out of the building. Red and blue lights reflect off the smoke, and she knows that ambulances must be on their way.

Rowan is lying beside her. She hadn't noticed the rips in the back of his suit jacket at first, but there were long gouges in the material, and smoke wafted off a couple of scorch marks. The fact he'd thrown himself over her body and shielded her from the explosion was only starting to register when something warm squeezed her hand.

Are you okay? Green eyes were scouring her body for wounds.

I'm fine, Aelin assures him. She's more concerned about the spots on the back of his suit growing wet as he bled.

"Someone blew up my car," Fenrys is gaping at the spot where his vintage ride used to be. All that remained was a roughed-up frame that was lit ablaze like a campfire.

"Gods," Aelin breathed out, the ringing in her ears dying down. "I almost died."

Rowan hadn't let go of her hand and made no move to do so as his eyes fixed on the burning car. "That was meant for us."

He didn't have to elaborate for Aelin to understand. Whoever had placed the bomb hadn't been targeting her, but Rowan and Fenrys. They arrived and left work together. The bomb wasn't there when they got to the precinct this morning, so someone must have placed it while they were inside.

"What have we gotten ourselves into?" Fenrys runs a dirty hand through his hair.

Sirens wailed as paramedics filed into the parking lot. Other detectives and officers were starting to approach them. Firefighters approached the car with extinguishers and began to tame the burning fire.

Aelin didn't have an answer. Just the sinking feeling that the game they'd entered into had more players than she'd thought.

Here is part one of the mass updates! Thank you SO much for reading. I’ve gotten so much feedback and love on this fic it’s been so wonderful 💚

I do have an ✨IMPORTANT QUESTION✨

Would you all prefer I have tag lists specific to certain fics or an overall tag list for ships? So one tag list for all of my rowaelin fics, one for all my quinlar fics, or would you like me to keep it as I have been? Please let me know! ✨

Tag list- Let me know if you would like to be added or removed. :D ( names in bold won’t tag)

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[dragon-kazansky]

Til death do us part | Helmut Zemo

Bodyguard AU! 🕶

Gender neutral reader

Collage by @realremyd

[Previous chapter] - [Next chapter]

Part 4

London. Arriving to London was much the same as when you arrived to Paris. The Baron ignored you throughout the flight, you were in the follow up car to the hotel, which once again as the exact place you would expect a Baron to stay at, and then you were situated on his floor until he was ready for his meeting.

You figured at this point every meeting was going to be pretty much the same. Maybe you would be able to come up with some fun little games to play while you stood on guard.

You might as well since this was going to be a long process.

The Baron leaves for his meeting and you all follow him. Once again it's pretty much the same as it was in Paris. A meeting in an official building where alliances and such would be discussed and they would make a deal.

You began to wonder if your mental state would be able to handle so many days of this.

However, none of this seemed to last long.

On the dawn of the second day, you all got up and positioned yourself on the hotel floor like before. The Baron got dressed, was escorted to breakfast, returned to his room for a bit, and was then escorted to his meeting as per usual.

The only difference was that Steve wasn't present that day. He had recieved a call earlier from Stark, the big boss, and had to take it. Sam had taken over Steve's postion beside the Baron that morning.

Steve wasn't present on the way to the meeting that day, but he showed up just as the meeting started. He came over to where you and Bucky stood.

"We have an issue."

You both look at him, waiting.

"They're here. I have word that the group who are after the Baron is in London and they're in the area," he keeps his voice level.

You share a glance with Bucky.

"Instructions?" You ask.

"Pay attention. I don't know where they are, where they'll come from, but if they really are here, we have to act fast. When the meeting is over, do not let the Baron out of your sight. I know he isn't too fond of you, Y/N, but no matter what he says, don't leave his side."

"You can count on me, Steve."

He knows he can. He nods at you and leaves your side, making his way over to the others to alert them. You share another look with Bucky, both of you nodding.

The nod. A silent signal. It can be a greeting, or a full on conversation. It's a solid way of communicating without words.

The meeting goes on for an hour before Zemo exists. As soon as he does, both Bucky and yourself are at his side. You let Bucky do the talking, feeling the Baron will the listen to him over you.

"We believe your life to be at risk. We have word that group are in town and may be here for you. Please do as we say and we make sure you are escorted back to your hotel safely."

The Baron, at first, looks confused, but then he seems to become more serious. He glances at you and narrows his eyes.

"They sent you?"

"Yes, sir."

"Where are the others?" He asks.

"On watch. We can't take any chances. I know you don't think I'm capable, sir, but please work with us here. I'm here to a job, and I will do everything in my power to ensure your safety, sir."

Never before have you spoken to a client like that, but your words rang true. You had a job to do and you were going to do it.

He stares at you.

You can't tell if he's upset with you for talking to him like that, or if he was just trying to think about his options, of which he didn't have many.

"Very well. What do you want me to do?" He asks, looking at you. You don't have time to think about that too much.

"Remain calm as we walk you outside. The car is just outside across the road. We are going to get you inside. I ask that you keep your head down. If I ask you to get down, please get a close to the ground as possible. Barnes and I will shield you then best we can."

Zemo doesn't say anything as he looks at you. He nods. A nod of confirmation. He understood the protocol.

You glance at Bucky.

"Ready?" You ask him.

"Ready."

Bucky and yourself walk on either side of the Baron as you head for the doors. Natasha and Clint are right outside, eyes on the rooftops. Steve and Carol are right behind you. Sam is near the car, waiting.

You step outside casually. Bucky and yourself are trying to note every detail, every person who is on this street.

The silence in the air feels eerie.

You get Zemo out into the street. It's far too quiet for your liking. No other vehicles are turning down the road and that makes you uncomfortable.

You glance down the road.

You're all almost across the street. Looking at Sam, you see he has his eyes on the roof of the building you had just come from.

You don't like this.

You're nearly at the car.

A shot rings out in the air and everything happens all at once.

All bodyguards take out their weapons and keep them up as they try and pinpoint where the gunshot rang from. There was no sign of anyone. The Baron crouched down by the car, you take a knee beside him, Bucky shielding him from the other side.

You focus your eyes on the rooftops.

"I don't see anyone," you say down through the earpieces.

"Nothing," you hear Nat say.

"All clear here," Carol states.

"Clear," Clint responds.

"Don't let your guard down," Steve says.

There's another shot. It strikes the car. You swear under your breath as you look up at where it may have come from.

"Not the rooftop!" You state.

Bucky sees the open window. There's movement within, but he can't get an angle. He looks at you over his shoulder.

"I have to move, you going to be alright?" He asks.

You nod.

Zemo looks up at you, brows furrowed together.

"You're leaving me with them?" He asks, turning back to Bucky.

Bucky looks at him.

"You're in good hands."

Bucky says no more as he pushes away from the car and bolts further down the street, taking cover behind the car you had arrived in. You open the car door.

"Please get in, sir."

Zemo stares at you.

Another shot rings out, another one striking the car. He jumps slightly.

"Give me a weapon, I was military, I can shoot," he says.

"Sorry, sir, but I cannot do that. Please get in the car. I have to get you out of the area."

He glares at you, but he climbs into the car as he is told to do. You close the door behind him and stand up, keeping your back to the car. Zemo tucks himself down in front of the seats. He keeps his eyes on you through the window.

"Crazy," he mutters.

You turn to see Bucky waiting the person in the window. From where you moved to, they wouldn't be have a good enough shot on you. However, you should have remembered the fact that cars had stopped coming down this road.

Load screeching causes you turn around. A big bulky vehicle comes to a stop at the end of the street. Along with the others, you lift your gun and hold it up at the car. Nothing happens for a minute, but all at once the car doors open and several people jump out.

All of them are armed.

Helmut watches you raise your gun. It had been a long time since he felt fear like this. They were here for him.

Gunshots go off. He turns to see three of the people from the car either fall back, or backtrack to cover. The others continue to shoot at his bodyguards.

More gunfire and suddenly he can't see you any more.

Zemo moves and looks out the window properly. You're kneeling on the ground. You're hurt.

Zemo glances up and sees them getting back in the car. The windows are rolled down. He panics all of a sudden.

"Shit." He opens the car door and runs toward you. He kneels in front of you and looks down at you. You look at him, brow furrowed.

"Get back in the car!"

"You're hurt."

"No shit. Get back in the car."

You reach for your gun and hold it up toward the car. The engine revs. They're going to drive right into you if you don't move.

You fire a couple of shots, but they got you in the shoulder and it hurts like hell. You groped your gun and give the Baron a rough shove.

"GO!"

He hesitates. He looks at you. It looks like a lot of blood, but it probably wasn't. Still, he can't help how worried he feels right now.

Why was he so scared?

Maybe because this was the first time in years they had come for him, and seeing you bleeding out in front of him takes him back to that night.

Two strong hands grab him by the shoulders and pull him back. He's startled for a moment. He looks back to see Bucky pulling him back toward the car. He is roughly shoved into the back. Bucky slams the door shut and climbs into the drivers seat.

"Wait, we are leaving them?"

As Bucky starts the engine, Zemo looks outside and sees you passed out on the street. Everyone else seems too busy to attend to you and he wonders what will happen.

He wants to jump out and move you, but the doors are locked.

"Go back!" He yells as the car turns sharply and drives down the other direction.

He just left you there!

Zemo had just seen you do your job. You protected him and took a hit for him. Perhaps more than one hit.

Were they just going to leave you to die?

Zemo tries to keep his eyes on you as Bucky drives, but they're not on that street long enough for him to do so.

Through Bucky's earpiece, he hears Steve.

"Ambulance en route. The gang have reversed out of the street, stay off the main roads and be careful."

Bucky replies, "roger that."

Zemo sits in the back in silence. He doesn't know what to do or what to think. Everything had happened so very quickly.

He was also confused.

Why had guilt settled within him.

You had done your job. He had been wrong about you. He can say that now.

I was wrong about you.

@thesuitkovian @justfangirlthingies @belle82devart @zemosimp420 @anteroom-of-death @silverlambcaptain @that-stupid-head-tilt-thing @lieutenantn @daniielbruhl @awesomesauce-abbie @latenightartist-author @lazygurl05 @rumblelibrary @nonamec0s @shura-gorl @ginger-abreu @caligrl1992 @livvyshmiv @luciadiosa @vverliebt @tatooineisdry @charistory @somethingthatsaysbubbles

[griffin-wood]

💥🙈💡 for any oc you'd like to talk about!

hiii ryley! tysm for sending in, i'm slowly catching up on asks and thank u again! <3 I'll be answering for multiple oc's - to sorta introduce them or... reintroduce them in a way? so, this includes, nixon (exile), rina (bc), melody (bloonicsona beloved) and sage (ofna)! Under the cut cause it got too long!

(OC Emoji Asks)

💥 COLLISON - what emotions do they have trouble dealing with?

Nixon: honestly, anger. For her, anger is something she tries to avoid - and she opts to forgive and forget route. For her to feel anger, well - she's a demon; anger is...apart of her? SORTA? but, she is like having a hard time to face that. She just...hates being angry, and she wishes she has that fire in her to just, burn everything down (hypothetically) except for well, when she did the thing in the game. But, in general; she has trouble to be like super angry; but, she does wanna get angry and just scream out at the hills or something smh!

Rina: Okay, since Rina is quite a new character - i'm sorta still figuring her out! But, the emotions she lowkey have a hard time to express is honestly, nothing? She tends to manage all of her emotions in a good way!! especially happiness, she is very happy until she saw the freaking [redacted] body in bc. :pensive:

Melody: oh boiii, my hyper gal! she actually haves a little trouble to handle...calmness? (if that's type an emotion sksks - i searched it up, it lowkey is one?? so we shall go with it!) she is...the definition of a firecracker + overthinker. A hyper gal with overthinker tendencies; so she has a hard time to be calm, but she tries - she tries very very best; and she's slowly getting better with it yknow! also, a bit of sadness too; she tends to hide it more than let it show. She just be like NO SAD, JUST HAPPY. HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY! (until well, she just can't hide it yknow!)

Sage: SAME as Melody! Sadness to them is like - poison. They opted to sarcasm instead of sadness. They are quite a master at it, and well; sarcasm did help them at some point of their life - but, sadness...they don't know how to handle it yknow!

🙈 SEE-NO-EVIL - whats a side of your oc that they don't want to show other people?

Nixon: MMMMM, her nasty side. The ugly parts; its also because its hard for her to show it in the first place. So, she just thinks; hey this is good. I don't have to show my ugly side until that scene in the game. (iykyk)

Rina: Her 'insecurity' side, or well; her past self literally if that person will make a come back in her life. She...has some insecurities issues cause, people suck. But, she never wanna show that or will ever show it to people ever. She's better now, but the fact is those around her in the past SUCKED.

Melody: HM HMMM, I think her sadness. She never seems to be a sad person, but if she ever reaches that area; she doesn't want them to see her that. It's a sucky feeling and she wouldn't wish it on anyone ever.

Sage: Their weak side ofc. They are strong; and like the sarcasm helped them to appear strong; and thats enough for them.

💡 LIGHTBULB - is your oc a planner? do they write down every small detail or just wing it?

Nixon: HMMM, a bit of both! Sometimes she would wing it, but as a commander - definitely a planner. A bit of both in one!

Rina: YES. Her life revolves around lists despite how much of a fun person she is. Her dad uses lists, she follows and well; it kept her modeling life much better. She's okay with it!

Melody: A HUGE YES ALSO. She is a whole list kind of person (PURPLE LISTS PLEASE) but, yes - a huge list person.

Sage: Nope, in their words; "I'll wing it." and literally wings it with a quite - unsuccessful outcome.

[csmeaner]

Bro you cannot sit there and tell you think ANY of the admins in Scarfoxes have the brain cells OR mental capacity to remember a single fucking image posted almost a year prior to their design being created and sold. That’s being way too generous with Staff’s capabilities. Those cunts can’t even remember shit from a day ago let alone almost an entire fucking YEAR. I don’t believe even for a second that Dragon-Eternal ripped off that design and that’s not me defending staff. They’re too fucking stupid to retain any memory of something that long.

Someone on the bulletin pointed out that Laneycore wasn’t even active in the discord, and I checked the post history and they were right. If that ripoff Mikufox was being posted constantly or they had more art of that fire form then I could see it being an inspiration or ripoff but with the current circumstances? Hell no. Staff isn’t that good and Laney’s accusations of Dragon saving the image when it was posted are ludicrous. Who the hell does Laney think they are that someone would be assed enough to right click and save one shitty piece of art from them? Oh, Dragon-Eternal reacted to it at the time? Uh oh! Guess staff isn’t allowed to react to any image posted ever because it means they’re STEALING IT.

How far up your own fucking ass does your head have to be to think like that? And claiming that their fox is that popular, well-known, and liked like it isn’t a fucking ripoff design? Because Chuchy apparently has no creativity and had to rip off other sources themself and then shits on others for potentially doing the same thing? I’ve never heard of OR seen Laneycore before this fiasco and tbh I blocked them after reading through the bulletin and their comments because they seem like an annoying egotistical cunt. I also didn’t see many people talking about their fox in the discord outside of Laneycore themself, and haven’t seen it talked about anywhere else I frequent either so really, how popular is it actually? Seems like Laney’s status as a popular artist (if they even are one?) has gone to their head.

I know the entire point of the vent/callout was the staff’s unprofessionalism but Laney has no solid proof in their case that Dragon ACTUALLY ripped off their art piece for that design. The accusations they came in with were fucking ridiculous for not having proof to back it up and even a good moderation team would struggle in that situation. And looking at the two designs myself I’m sorry to say that I don’t see the issue. Two designs using green fire is hardly enough grounds to call plagiarism or copying when the coloration and elements in both pieces don’t even match up. Nothing about the two designs is similar other than the appearance of the color of the fire, and even that’s different when you look at the hex codes. I also don’t understand why Laneycore waited over a month to complain and why they didn’t go to Dragon with their issue first since Dragon was the artist of the piece.

Both parties behaved poorly here. I will never side with SF staff, but I can’t side with Laneycore here either because they’re also in the wrong. Demanding an entire palette change or hue shift just because a piece has similar colors to your own art is WAY too entitled and nobody gets away with that shit when they try it. Nobody owns a palette or a theme or idea, and ragging on staff because they handled your proofless accusations poorly is stupid as fuck. Nobody was going to come out of this situation a winner.

Fuck SF staff, especially with Dragon’s vague ass counter journal and every other time the SF staff have done shit to piss people off (DARCI), but really fuck Laneycore too. All of them can eat shit.

post related (links to updated post even tho i think this one was made before it was edited)

what happens when an insufferable force meets a dismissive object. like you can't even root for anyone in this im just happy this is a huge blow to scarfox in general