#because thats what it is its not some identity label to put on oh my god

[gremlingirlsmell]

lmao they dont know that the concept of (perisex) afab transfems is one of these things that has been cooked up by transphobes and transmisogynists specifically to start this kinda discourse to discredit transfeminity and our language and rally and radicalize queer tme people against tma people

[s0lar-ch3ri]

(serious post) talking bout things i need to.

alright, this isnt going to be some "oh haha funni" post like i always do. i need to speak out or it feels like no one else will. you can not read this if you want, i just want to talk about them. (organized into paragraphs) there will be triggering topics i'll speak about and ill try to trigger them appropriately.

theres a surplus of youtubers who react to "fat tiktok" and its never any positivity. these videos get hundreds of thousands of views, and im pretty sure no one sees whats wrong with it. i am considered to be in a "plus size" range, and the videos fucking hurt. its stupid because the whole idea of that side of tiktok is to show that being okay with not being barbie is okay, and its always judged negatively. no, im not fucking over reacting when theres videos talking about how that entire side of tiktok should be gone. yes, there are toxic parts on that side, but i dont tell you to get off youtube or whatever your on because something you like has a toxic part of it. its fucking stupid that these guys (its like all guys) think they have the right to look at these videos and call them cringe over and over and over and then think theyve made a good video or done a good job. i agree, promoting obesity isnt that good a thing, but dont shame the entirety of a community because one person did it. no one who has done these videos has tried to apologize if theyre being offensive, theyre just like "dont hate us if these guys are cringe lol". its not hard, this is just restating the idea of barbie bodies being better. its not hard to let people be happy with how they look. like i said, "fat tok" is not an angel and has problems which can be addressed but judging the full part and saying it should be gone as a whole is just fucking fat phobic. can we stop mixing bisexual and pansexual? they have different names for a reason. bisexual and pansexual arent the same and yet theyre still mixed FOR NO REASON. bisexual is where you feel attraction for 2 genders (thus the prefix bi which means 2) and pansexual is attraction is regardless of gender. my sibling is the main reason i want to talk about this, being bisexual and being pansexual arent the same. if your bi, that doesnt mean your pan and vise versa. i struggled with labels for a shit ton of 2020-2021 and even this year, and hearing labels made so people can actually make sense of how they feel and know theyre not alone (i feel like it for me) getting mixed around with each other hurts. to me, its erasing identities by just saying theyre one. idgaf if you or someone identifies as both, thats fine. saying theyre one in the same is not. i hate those memes of "girls vs boys". they arent even fucking funny, theyre just cringe sexist stereotyping "jokes" put out to be consumed and for those who watch or see them to believe that theyre good and funny and okay. they arent. stereotypes arent cool, going "haha woman stupid" isnt funny, shut up. the boys vs girls memes always make the girls do something "stupid" first, then shows the boys being chads or some shit. for example, that boys vs girls time machine meme. the girls always go to see an ancestor of theirs, while the boys go do some crazy shit in the past. you may think theres nothing wrong, but there is. the way its shown and made is to show that girls are weird but boys are cool. the entire idea of the joke is that girls are stupid. its with every topic these memes have that the girls are in the wrong because theyre dumb for doing this or that. i know what some people think: "oh, your biologically a woman, so of COURSE this isnt funny to you and your just taking offense cause your a drama queen" or whatever shit. the reasoning there is fucking stupid, me being a woman that takes offense shows the joke is offensive and shouldnt be made. also, i bet some guys with brains would find the jokes uncomfortable. sexism isnt funny to anyone but 60 year old boomers that make "i hate my wife" jokes. if your wondering why its not that many, im shortening it so it can actually post. the other triggers will be added in the reply to this, dw.

[mariska]

here is a lil bit of fun fashion history i learned today and thought might be interesting to share;

so if u know me or have followed me p much anywhere online for the past few yrs especially u probably know i really do not like wearing a lot of modern style clothes (for the most part at least) and if i'm able to i prefer to get thrifted/pre-owned clothes from a whole bunch of different eras (also because Clothes Are Expensive and even if i did prefer modern styles i cant afford a lot of them normally unless huge sales are going on) but primarily my fav styles tend to be anywhere from like late 50's to mid 70's. i am disabled and have been my whole life and i only started being able to have any kind of income of my own in like late 2020 or early 2021 which means i have had a little bit more independence to find cool old clothes that i can afford and actually enjoy wearing, so thats been a huge positive change for me and my identity and getting to feel more like my Genuine Self by passing along clothes i can't or didn't want to wear now in my mid-20's to make room for fun vintage stuff i actually do want to wear.

lately i've been trying to find vintage nightgowns that are both clean/in good wearable condition and not expensive and a few days ago i happened to stumble onto a listing online for a super pretty light blue nylon nightgown in great pre-owned condition for $10 and was like oh my god thats awesome i need to get that; it came in the mail the other day and here's what it looks like:

(the lace is much more white irl, my house has very yellow tinted lighting and my bedroom walls are like the same color green as my comforter sheet here so it tends to make things look more yellow in pics than they actually are lmao)

its got super stretchy elastic around the bust & waist as u can see there so its pretty versatile with the fit and i am just in love with the general style and shape of it so much, very Edwardian Revival which i have a decent amount of in my closet cus i love old takes on even older fashion styles. so anyways i was folding it to put in my pj/nightgown drawer in my room and happened to notice it still had its' original tag on completely in tact on the inner lining near the bust/arm area and found one of my absolute favorite logos to find on vintage clothes tags:

Ladies Garment Union label!!! (International Ladies Garment Workers Union or ILGWU was a large clothing union group that made a lot of vintage clothes thru most of the 1900's and had a lot of different styled and colored tag logos like this on all their work over the decades), now there was not detailed info on the listing for this nightgown when i got it but the seller listed it as 70's era based on the style i assume, which i would've been fine with regardless of actual decade i just rly love comfy retro styles haha, but i was like yeah i can def see this being a 70's nightgown that checks out from my personal experience, but since i just noticed this label tonight i wanted to see if i could find a historical resource list of the different Union logos online because i have quite a few that look almost exactly like this specific tag and almost all of the other ones with it in my closet are from some time in the 60's.

so i found an awesome list with both info and example pictures of the Union tag logos throughout the decades from a site called sammydvintage and i was able to actually pin down the production date of this nightgown to less than a year of when it was made!!!

i know from my own experience that a lot of the 60's to early 70's era tags didn't have color printed on the logo yet so i was pretty sure it was from that general era and sure enough on the reference site i saw a pic of this same style logo with a timeline of 1964-1973; i was satisfied enough with that knowledge and was like yeah makes sense, this is probably early 70's towards the end of that.

NOPE! i read a little more on the page and it mentioned that the example picture on that site had a small (R) on the left side next to the logo, and that the R indicates the tag was printed after the Union trademarked the logo on April 21, 1964, so if you see a tag with that design but no little R, it was made *before* the logo was trademarked. sure enough, if you look at the pic i took of this gown's tag, there's no little R trademark next to the logo!

which means that, according to this site's information which seems very accurate and in-depth, this dress was made anywhere between June 28, 1963 (when the logo design changed from the previous version) to April 21, 1964. how cool is that!?!? i've never been able to ID such a specific less than a year date for a piece of vintage clothing i own before, and i was like 10 years off with my original guess lol!

it would be much more difficult to pin it down further obviously but knowing that new info, if i had to make an updated guess, i'd say this was probably either a Spring (of '64) or Fall/Autumn (of '63) fashion release since it's long and has sleeves but they aren't full-length sleeves and the nylon material is comfy but pretty thin for winter night-wear (it definitely could be though of course, i wouldn't be surprised if this was originally part of a multi-piece set that may have included a similar looking robe, sheer cape, or 'house coat' layer to wear over it since sleepwear sets like that were a very popular thing in 60's nightgown fashion)

i also thought it was cool in that '63-'64 was around the general era of this Edwardian/Victorian/Medieval Regal revival type trend having its early start which eventually helped popularize the style going into the remainder of the 60's and even further into the 70's with the eventual rise in popularity of brands like Gunne-Sax which has kind of become a cult classic icon of 70's 'cottagecore', 'prairie', 'medieval/regal' revival dresses from that era. that '63-'64 date timeline also makes complete sense in a more widespread pop culture way that i can't un-see now that i know when it was made; the 1965 movie version of The Sound Of Music was one of many popular pieces of media from that time that contributed heavily to the general popularization of this mod regal revival dress style, and if you changed the poofiness of the sleeves and lowered the length of my blue nightgown here, it has SUCH a similar silhouette structure to Liesl's "gazebo" dress from the '16 going on 17' music number from that movie:

(bonus Fun Fact Within A Fun Fact: Mitski drew inspiration from that dress when she was working with the costume designers/creators for her 2022 tour outfits and had them made in 4 different colors all together, i believe. its a very good dress 💜)

anyways!!! i just wanted to share this fun deep dive into vintage fashion i unintentionally went on tonight because i am so excited to have learned so much information from such a random nightgown thrifting find. i have a huge special interest not only in the history of vintage fashion/trends/pop culture but also archiving that history and investigating the origins/influences of seemingly mundane bits of every day life in the past so this was such an awesome and exciting discovery to me! definitely makes me want to take out my other clothes with the various Union tags still on them and see if i can narrow down more detailed years for those pieces too 🥰

[crazylil-lion]

Neglect and abuse does some crazy shit when you are still developing your connections and self identity.

Think about it as a baby how do you recognize yourself? You get an identity from other people.

Slowly as you grow you continue to use those people as an outline.

But what if you cry and no one cares? What if they scream at you to shut up or they will give you a real reason to cry. What if they tell you how much less of a man you are and how weak you are.

Imagine that being your only experience all the way through elementary school middle school.

Now as a teenager you attempt to find yourself to realize you were broken down and destroyed.

While everyone else has friends you're still jumping at every loud noise terrified of when the next hit was coming.

People with bpd display symptoms in various ways.

But the one thing that everyone of us feel daily is the emptiness Crushing you.

People say oh but you can get better. Have you ever talked to some of the people in remission from bpd?

THE FEELINGS THE STORM IS STILL FUCKING THERE.

yeah dbt and other things can help you manage but everyday its a constant fight.

Thats why they say normally 30-40 things start to improve as you get a family and all that.

But what if you never get anything?

The truth is I'm living with a demon in my mind constantly looking to destroy me any chance it has.

Xan you understand why I'm exhausted of putting together an identity a personality when I've never really had much of one.

I don't know who I am. I don't know what to feel besides blind rage towards myself.

Bpd isn't something anyone should deal with. The worst part is that everyone talks about us like we choose to be a hurricane of emotion.

People hear our triggers dont understand how being left on read can be a trigger. Label us manipulative and blame any argument on the bpd. Gaslighting us because its so fucking easy when you don't know if You can believe yourself or your emotions.

Thats why people with bpd get into toxic relationships more.

Because when you are dying from dehydration even tiny drops of water is better than suffering without.

Even drops of attention and care is worth getting abused when I know thats what it is.

Because at least then I'm being useful. At least someone wants me even if its because I'm the only one that will stay through the toxic behavior.

[mueritos]

agh tbh it’s a little disheartening to see u against mspec gays :[ i’m aspec, nonbinary, and a ply gay man, and the points u were makin don’t really say much? like, u used the recycled argument of “oh [microlabel] will make our oppressors hate us more so don’t use it,” if i read that right??

and bi lesbians aren’t a new thing, and they aren’t a singular phenomenon; pan lesbians, omni gay men, abro lesbians, etc though small in numbers we do exist. and as someone who uses the SAM in relation to being aspec, all the points u made against non-aspecs using it actually support them using it imo? (although not all mspec gays use the SAM at all), sexuality can be just as nuanced, complicated, fluid, and personal as gender. i get it doesn’t make much sense to you just lookin at it, but the same could be said of men who are also women, or people who are agender and pangender.

and ofc, just because some people using a label could be uninformed or “wrong” about themselves, doesn’t mean the label itself should be dismissed as a whole. you end up casting doubt on anyone who self-identifies in that way, which leads straight to identity policing. again, a lot of these arguments are the exact same ones used in anti-trans, anti-nonbinary, and anti-apsec circles. (and sorry if this is worded rudely, or just incomprehensible, writing isn’t always easy for me.)

hey! honestly thanks for this message, it has helped me sort thru my thoughts a bit. I will say that I never said that I think certain microlabels or identities will make our oppressors hate us, in fact thats the exact sort of rhetoric I work against. I also do want to say that I do understand and support folks like you mentioned, like those who are agender (I ID'd as agender for a time!), pangender, he/him lesbians, and she/her gays!

I suppose most of my hesitance for non-aspecs to use SAM to describe their experiences comes from what I have heard from fellow aspecs and even non-aspecs, and what I've heard mostly is that non-aspecs using the SAM model could perpetuate a lot of transphobia and homophobia, whether that is internalized or projected. I've listened to folks' experiences being non-aspec using the SAM as a way to justify comp-het (folks dealing with internalized homophobia), and also experiences of uncomfortable trans people being pursued by individuals who were non-aspec using SAM as a way to also display their attraction (examples I've heard were pan lesbians, a transman being pursued by one may feel particularly uncomfy because he may wonder if she views him as a woman). These are the examples of why I've just been hesitant for non-aspecs to use the SAM, and even then I do recognize that lots of. peoples' attractions and genders are complex, but I also feel they are all connected, and I'm just not completely convinced that one cannot influence the other. I am aromantic, but I am also gay and trans, and my attraction and perception of gender would not be the same if all 3 of these identities were not acknowledged. My attraction to men is heavily influenced by my aromanticism, and thus also influences my gender.

The thing is not that I don't understand it, I really do! The SAM is a great way to describe a complex relationship with attraction and sexuality and gender, I just worry that the need to label every single aspect of discomfort/comfort in terms of sexuality and attraction can lead to MORE confusion...I love that we have terms and labels to name what we are feeling as queer people but...I also worry it may just complicate people's journey with their gender/sexuality/attraction. There's a great video essay that explains what I mean better and uses mogai as an example. This is not me saying folks shouldn't use it, because to be honest, at this point I don't care. It's not affecting me so its like whatever. But I won't deny these are the thoughts I have when in context to non-aspecs using SAM.

This discussion in general is just also. A chronically online discussion and I doubt in IRL queer spaces it would be a problem because when you're IRL and queer no one gives a fuck what you do. So I use that to put this all into perspective and can just say now that I don't care what non-aspecs do, but again, I won't deny my hesitance as someone who is aspec and uses the Split-Attraction-Model, and who recognizes that it is something that mostly exclusively is used and created by aspecs. But yea, thanks for the ask! helped my brain work thru stuff <3

[aliveahahafuck]

Okay okay okay!

I just realised I could do this again because it was my biggest regret of the last campaign to not do it, so here we go,

SESSION RECAP!!!!!! :D

So we're running beyond the witchlight and its session 1 so the session starts while we're in line at the ticket booth

So we're next in line but rather than buying tickets, everyone just sees these two, completely identical, 5 foot tall figures arguing about who's fault it was that they had basically no money and who would get in the most trouble, all while insulting eachother and their mother?

This, my dear readers, was Pen; my friends character, and Crow; my character. Two completely identical drow twins (like, they're even dressed the same, only difference is their hair and cloaks of slightly different colours with different crests) that compliment each others individual skill set; Pen, the younger twin, is a socially awkward, but extremely protective and intelligent barbarian, and Crow, obviously the older twin, is a charming and kind ball of energy put to good use as a bard.

They also perfectly embody the concept of "the smart one, and... atleast you're pretty"

Deadass Pen has negative cha and Crow has negative int lmao

Anyway someone pushes past us because we're taking too long and we suddenly realise that we're next so we go up and ask for two tickets, we're told 8gp so we give that and then we're told that that was only one ticket

Cue us, mostly crow, trying to persuade the goblin manning to booth to honour the 8gp price he initially said because we did ask for two

It works! Sorta? Goblin gets told off by some invisible being and hands over the tickets, saying that an anonymous benefactor has already paid for our entry.

Suddenly we hear squaking behind us and turn to see a 5 foot tall hawk arakocra and a 6foot tall cheetah tabaxi behind us insisting that they're with us

This is the other half the party, Birb and Juniper Skies, who are both monks. Birb is exactly which one you'd assume.

After a bit of banter and them also reciving tickets from an anonymous benefactor we go to enter the park but stop by the map on the wall, noting that there's no more hand held versions left.

Well everyone else looks at the map, crows looking around at the surroundings excitedly.

When crow finally looks at the map he immediately notices the tent labeled as the hall of illusions and starts dragging Pen in that direction, birb and Juniper follow/ take the lead when they realise where we're heading.

And well

We get there and, guys, our characters haven't been in the park for 10 minutes and Birb is already being monitored by security and we are like 3 steps in the door to the hall of illusions when a miscommunication causes birb to sucker punch Pen in the throat.

"As soon as I register what happened I'm going to Pen and casting healing word; 'What the fuck?'"

"How aggressive are you saying that to me?"

"Not aggressively, more like wtf is going on"

"Gotcha"

*rolls dice* "Pen, take 6 healing-"

"OH, THATS YOURE HEALING WORDS!" *laughing*

Idk why that surprised him, not like I don't do that all the time lmao

Anyway security gets called on us, they get placated and we're told no violence

Pen accidentally ruins a proposal, somehow only Crow and Birb pass the int check (both have negative int, the other two dont) and only Crow passes the wis save; with a nat 20 too bayyyyybeeee

Cue tashas hideous laughter hitting everyone but me and bird, but birb laughing anyway

Anyway, we go through this magical house of mirrors, where juniper has to stop birb from fighting his reflection, and when we go out help the woman who's proposal that Pen fucked find her mortified husband

And ngl, that's about as far as we got in 4 hours lmao

[fluxedbuds]

can you go off about lalnable

ugly bitch idiot becomes a serial killer instead of going to therapy

But seriously, my take with Lalnable has always been more on the ‘fuck this guy’ side than the ‘poor sympathetic monster’ side. I don’t like seeing this guy woobified, especially because it tends to go some really concerning directions. I won’t get into it, because that’d be like slapping a label that says ‘come have discourse at me’ on my face, but let it be known, this guy ain’t got any excuses.

I’m not touching Lalnable’s potential childhood, because THATS a whole mess with no canon answer, but I do think he started out as pretty much a regular Lalna. Keep in mind, even the nicest, softest Lalna, FB Lalna, thought it was completely fine to repeatedly dunk a live bird in molten metal, because it didn’t die. And I think it’s pretty much still the state he’s in when he gets hired into Yoglabs.

Now, this is where you might start to think, ‘well gee, tumblr user Fluxed Buds, wouldnt it be easy for Yoglabs to twist that lack of moral understanding into something worse? wouldnt it mean its not his fault?’ And you’d be like, five percent right! The thing is, though, even Bird Torturer Lalna wouldn’t be any kind of okay with the kind of shit Lalnable ends up doing- there’s no boiling the frog situation possible, because there’s NO easy transition point into being the kind of person Lalnable becomes. At least one Lalna has quit Yoglabs because it was too evil, theres no reason Lalnable wouldn’t have been able to do the same, or at Least escape somehow. What I think happened is Yoglabs provided an environment where Lalnable could get away with doing horrible things extremely personally, and Lalnable took that and RAN.

There’s no evidence that Honeydew, Xephos, or any of the testificate scientists end up doing the shit Lalnable does. This isn’t an environment that’s forcing people to become like Lalnable, it just doesn’t provide many roadblocks. So, like Xephos lying about Lalnable being a clone, he’s lying about why he got locked up. Employee death is just an inconvenience. Lalnable got locked up for disagreeing with how cloning should work. I’ve had a post about this in the works for a while, but my theory is that Lalnable thought clones should be a brainless workforce, mostly because he Absolutely Could Not Handle the idea of another him running around without being under his control. Which, yknow, isn’t super weird of a hangup, pretty much every Lalna has it, and I’d wager a lot of real people would have similar objections. The problem is, Lalnas are stubborn little fucks, and when Xephos wouldn’t listen, Lalnable went ballistic and started fucking Everything up. So, stick him in a cage, pry him for info until you don’t need him, then put him in stasis for stable DNA.

So, the one thing Lalnable is justified about is being pissed about all that, because Xephos was a jerk and betrayed him, and also fuck Yoglabs. And thats one of three times Lalnable has ever been right in his whole life!

So, yknow, once he’s out of Yoglabs, he’s super got no excuse to kill/kidnap/enslave entire towns and whatnot, so any chance of him being sympathetic is long gone. Dude’s a piece of shit and won’t wash his goddamn clothes. But he does have some interesting psychology I can pry apart at this point!

So, first off- the name and aesthetic change, the color contacts, the voice changer- He’s trying to force control over the clone situation. He knows he doesn’t have any hope of controlling his clones, so he tries to fix it for himself by trying to make it so there aren’t copies of him running around, because he’s now different from all of them. But that sort of evolves into hatred of his original self, his real voice and name and appearance. So, that’s a little sympathetic, but he could’ve decided to be like properly goth or something so I don’t feel bad for him he looks like an idiot

Lalnable doesn’t care about justifying his actions, which does mean he’s a lot more powerful than some other yogs villains. He’s got nothing holding him back, his only setbacks are directly caused by other people fucking with him. Lalnable is legitmately a scary threat! It’s easy to forget that when we get to see so much of him being a complete failure idiot, but he’s good at what he does, and what he does is crimes and evil.

He’s also excessively focused on revenge, which I think is kind of why he ends up abandoning it in the end. He was so focused on the concept that he didn’t even realize how generally impossible and ill-advised it is. Besides the obvious issues of time loops, after he creates Five, if he actually succeeded, he’d delete Five. And for once, he doesn’t Want to destroy someone. FB4 really skipped over so goddamn much of his development, and thats REALLY annoying, but it doesn’t seem like a wholly illogical endpoint. He’s kind of driven by an impossible goal- control over everything about how the world sees him. At some point, he probably realizes that destroying every single one of his clones wouldn’t bring him any more joy than just torturing the shit out of some rando! Or, at least, it’s not worth more to him than Five.

I enjoy the Lalnable-Five father daughter dynamic a lot (because it’s literally canon Lalnable says he’s her father dont TRY me), but it takes a while to really get to that point. When he first makes Five, he’s making her like any other clone he’d make for spying. She’s just another tool, a frail attempt to steal Nano from a clone who doesn’t deserve to know her.

Oh yeah, the second thing Lalnable has ever been right about! He seriously thinks Nano is cool as FUCK. Which she is! It’s not a romantic interest for sure, I’m pretty sure Lalnable hasn’t thought about romance in like 10 years, it’s more of a fascination. I don’t think he’s really interested in friendship, but he wants that kind of power on his side, he wants to see how it works, and most of all, he doesn’t want some clone getting to even be near it. Five offering the side-switch deal to Nano was something both the Baddies agreed on.

Anyways, back to Five. While she starts out as a tool, they do end up growing closer, and for once, Lalnable isn’t a total bitch idiot about it. Unfortunately, he does spend a lot of time pointing out how Five is better than Nano because he made her, and through that making Five obsessed with Staying better than Nano, because if she’s not, Lalnable might abandon her. So, he’s Dad, but he starts out as a truly awful dad that should be dropkicked. I think Five’s confusion and fear over how absolutely focused he is on destructive and impossible revenge is part of what makes him reconsider too, although I guess we’ll never know for sure. They’re both still comfortably evil as all hell, but it’s settling into a weird sort of manageable space for the buddies, and thats probably the best we’re gonna get. Lalnable has no desire to be a good person and he never will.

The last thing Lalnable is ever correct about, is loving and appreciating Five for who she is as herself.

And then he wears those sunglasses and he stops being correct for the rest of his life.

TL;DR: serial killer develops identity issues, gives daughter identity issues, trades identity issues for a second daughter and disgusting sunglasses

[pharahlesbian]

What are your opinions on aromantic folks?

well, its kind of complicated. on the one hand, i dont rly feel like u guys r doing anything wrong per se, like none of u ever seem to do any of the harmful shit that aces do. and aro is an identity i used to hold really closely. roughly 4-5 years ago, i was on here identifying as aroace.

my personal experience with both labels is that they did measurable harm to my perception of myself and my sexuality. when i did eventually realize i was a lesbian, i didn’t immediately suspect those labels had done me any harm. not until i read several other accounts of ppl who went through a near identical experience as me

see, the answer to your question is complicated bc i first have to address split attraction. its one of my main gripes with asexuality. its my firm belief that romantic and sexual attraction should not be so neatly sequestered the way many people describe them to be. the reality of attraction is that every single person experiences it uniquely and defines it for themselves and themselves alone. i genuinely think the labels “aromantic” and “asexual” and all their variants shouldnt exist at all. and i think they are REGRESSIVE. i really do. they impede progress in a society that desperately needs it. we NEED a more healthy view of sex in our society. we NEED people to understand that its normal and ok to not want sex, or to experience varying degrees of attraction. not wanting sex or romance should be as normal as not wanting your ears pierced. and it should be something you discuss with your partner and your partner alone. having labels for this very normal experience is honestly just setting us back. we dont need to get caught up in a hundred micro labels to describe the ways we have sex. we can just have sex, or dont! or have sex once a month, once a year! or never! and thats your choice and you shouldnt be made to feel like u need to have 5 labels for what should just be how youre feeling. attraction is so nebulous, theres no way we could ever pin it down with labels and we should really stop trying

so. how do i feel about aromantic ppl. well, how do i feel about aromanticism? its a tough conversation to have, because of how personal it is, and its why ive put off this ask for a really long time. i was aroace, yeah, but aro was the label i was really passionate about. im gonna tell you some stuff u might not want to hear, but its my experience.

i was aro because i was lonely, and i was aro because i was scared. i knew i had feelings for girls, but i didnt know how to reconcile them, especially with my burgeoning gender qualms i was also having (which was also happening bc of the aforementioned attraction to girls, but thats another conversation entirely). it was scary, trying to pin down the fact that i was only attracted to girls. and i mightve come to that conclusion a lot sooner if it werent for tumblr telling me about asexuality/aromanticism/split attraction. suddenly i had a copout. cant be attracted to girls if im attracted to no one, right? that plus the fact that when youre lonely and havent experimented with dating, when everything is in hypotheticals, then anything is possible (“well i guess i COULD be attracted to men... but id never have sex with them! so i guess im panro-ace” <-an actual identity i had at age 19. comp het feeds on these micro labels and split attraction)

please keep in mind none of this is directed at you or even aromantics as a whole, im still just talking about my own experience. and my experience was that the aroace label was definitely just a convenient place to hide from being a lesbian. and i know others have had similar experiences.

so...once again. how DO i feel about aromantics? i feel as though we live in a very romance-forward world. romance is everywhere, once youre looking for it. i think i was rather bitter, and preferred pretending that not dating was an identity, rather than the painful reality of firstly not knowing what i wanted, and secondly not even knowing if id BE wanted. i think we all have varying degrees of attraction, both romantic and sexual, and i think for many the two kind of exist in tandem. and again for many, these feelings can exist a lot stronger for them than they do for others. so it leaves a lot of ppl feeling like they MUST be different. i think it makes a lot of sense that i identified strongly with aromanticism, even aside from me using it as something to hide behind. ive never really been much of a romantic. i never had too many crushes, and i only ever imagined romantic scenarios if it were fictional characters i shipped.

of course once i saw someone list these types of things out as evidence of being aro, i was like oh thats me! and latched onto it. and never did anymore introspection. the label was a copout. now, i could tell u that being aroace was a product of knowing i wasnt attracted to men yet not being able to face being attracted to women, so i was like “oh ok guess i have No attraction!” and i can tell u that since ive been with my girlfriend, ive become the sappiest romantic ever.

im not gonna tell you “you just havent found the right person yet :)” but i will say that if you have even the slightest doubt or uncertainty, to go out and experiment! date around and see how you feel. no one can tell you who u are or how u feel except u. u wont be a hypocrite for experimenting. but if youre already sure u dont really feel romantic attraction, then more power to you. not everyone on this earth needs to get married or date. i do think our society needs to normalize just being happy with who you are, and not see it as pitiful. thats an opinion that is so hard to have when youre single, bc u cant help but feel like youre pathetically trying to justify being alone, so im doubling down now that im in a relationship. its fucking ok to not be in a relationship!! if theres one thing that’s stayed the same since i was aro its my assertion that ppl need to fucking chill about orher peoples relationship status

i feel like this answer went in one THOUSAND different directions, but ive been thinking about how to answer this for a while and decided to just word vomit

TL;DR: aromantics are fine, not as harmful as asexuality, you do you, make sure you examime yourself and how you feel often, dont just take the word of ppl on tumblr (me included), everyone experiences attraction differently, i just wish split attraction model didnt exist because its perfectly fine to not want sex/romance or to have low/nonexistent attraction, i just dont believe in the labels/identities.

[shoezuki]

So this is the second time im writin this shit out but. I been thinkin a shou n ritsu bein nonbinary A Lot so im gonna write it again but uh

Heres some nonbinary shou n ritsu hcs cuz why not

Shou his Whole Damn Life was Very defiant of any like. Gender based expectations and the 'girls do this guys do that' bullshit

Didnt have any support from his parents. Didnt know the Vocabulary for how he was feelin, his identity

You Know touichirou wouldnt know Any trans terms and identities fuck that cishet

Shou always Knew he wasnt a boy. More in a sense of 'im just shou' and leavin it at that most his childhood. He had other things to worry about

Wasny until after the world domination arc that shou Really had the mental space and time to consider himself more

Hes never been Uncomfortable being seen as a boy, per se. More because He knows who he is, hes sure of himself, thats what matters

He doesnt fuck w labels. Doesnt give a shit what pronouns r used for him. Just refers to himself as Nonbinary cuz he doesnt Feel like hed need to fit himself into a more specific label, that his gender or how he Feels bout it changes

At some point just got used to doing 'boy' things cuz thats what touichirou expected of him and like. Was Very Adamant on shou 'acting like a boy'

One day shou is just hanging out post wd arc, and he is just like 'wait a fucking second'

Queue shou having a pink phase. Hair pink. Nails always painted. All kinds of sparkly hair clips. Makeup and skirts. He starts messin round w what he wants to wear and how he wants to present himself and expression

Doesnt consider himself to be Masculine or Feminine. He doesnt fuck w that. What he wears and does is just Things he Likes. Him wearin skirts isnt Girly. Or him wearin scuffed up sneakers isnt Boyish. Its Him

As i said before. Pronouns are Whatever. But serizawa has had to calm shou doen Many times if someone specifically refers to him as a 'boy' or a 'girl'. He is willing to get into scraps for that without a doubt

Serizawa and later Ritsu are the Only ones to really Know hes nonbinary

Moreso he just doesnt care or ser a point in like. Explicitly Coming Out to ppl. He things its unnecessary. So if its not brought up casually, he says nothing bout it

OH and shou didnt come out to ritsu until like. Two months into them dating

And it was like. A Realization one day. That ritsu Probably thinks he's dating a boy. Esp since ritsu is gay. And that Bothers Him

Ofc hes not gonna like. Let it Show that it bothers him

So the whole Coming Out thing was nasically like. They were having one of their Videogame Nights. Its late as all hell. Ritsu is gettin his ass kicked half asleep beside a rabid shou.

Hou just blurts out like 'oh by the way im not a boy im nonbinary so like. Yeah'

Shou voice: oh cool thats out and done cool

Ritsu voice: wait a second hold on hold on HIM TOO????

And like. Ritsu fuckin Freezes. Absolutely shocked. Pauses the game and looks at shou like "oh my god im not a boy either"

Queue a lot of screaming, loud yellin, things flying round the room, ritsu's parents losin their shit, the works

For ritsu being nb and Realizin hes nb was really different

He knew from the get go he wasnt a girl. As soon as he could he rejected 'girly' things and bein labeled as a girl

His family, as Soon As he said 'im not a girl', they were like 'oh okay son :)' and supported him

But like. Even tho ritsu was definitely more comfortable w masculinity n being seen as and called a Boy it still didnt 100% feel right

But again. Motherfuckers dont talk bout nonbinary genders (assholes....) so he didnt have the Words to say how he was feelin. Plus trying to argue that No he Wasnt a boy completely would get his parents confused

It seemed to him it was Either youre a Boy or a Girl so he chose boy.

Even when he looked into it himself, never really Vocalized his identity. Wouldnt even refer to himself as nonbinary in privacy. Didnt come out to his parents or brother

Ritsu is a demiboy, altho im not 100% sure on what identity and amd considerin maybe he'd be bigender? Hmmmm

He Did put a lot of thought into it. More so like 'im going to do this and wear that and express myself like this when i move out' kind of thinking

Like. He put A Lot of thought into his gender

Doesnt mind being seen as a boy. Its more comfy. He goes by he/him and they/them.

When shou came out to him it was the Wildest thing for them. Ritsu never knew anyone else to be nonbinary. Shou technically knew minegishi but he couldnt hold a convo w them without staring at their lack of eyebrows and gettin weirded out by it

'So if youre gay And nonbinary does that mean you only like other nonbinary people? Or like. Is that how you found me ritsu? You were drawn in by my wicked good looks and nonbinary vibes?' Ritsu, who has spent nights awake wondering just this 'i like boys and nonbinary ppl dipshit'

They really help each other open up about their genders. Like shou becomes more vocal about Not Being A Boy, even if its just w jokes. And ritsu feels so much more at ease. Somethin about havin the fact that Hes Nonbinary exist somewhere else outside of Just his mind is warm feeling

Gender Talks between them contain a lot of 'oh my god ME TOO' and 'oh wow same???'

[whoops-ima-dannie]

some things from dans video that people are overlooking

note: this is just what i took away from this video i am not speaking for dan and i also think that everyone voicing their opinions (whether they are actually correct or not) needs to know this too 

i am actually taking what dan said at face value instead of putting my own presumptions in about what i think he meant when he said something 

dan on discovering himself as a teenager and his experiences

8:45 “and to be honest i dont really feel like ive ever fancied anyone before. then puberty happened.”

9:00 “it was quite fun dribbling on this girls face”

9:27 “[...] oh fuck i think i might be a bit gay” 

11:01 “bisexual. you can be normal and gay at the same time and some people think its cool? well slap a long fingerless glove on my arm and sign me up to myspace because mum im bi”

11:16 “it was a good term cause it was a catch all for anyone who felt sexually confused or curious that didnt want to commit to something stronger which is very me” 

11:47 “we just used to hang and make out with each other and listen to music and drink bottles of smirnoff ice until we were sick on each other with no judgment.” 

12:43 “tunrs out it was actually a social upgrade from being called gay all the time cause bisexual was a new word that only referred to sexuality so people actually had to decide how they felt about the fact that i was attracted to boys.”

17:36 “secondly if i date a girl- super not gay”

18:09 “so i did what many people chose to do at that point and i got a girlfriend. but this is pretty messed up because i really liked this girl. in fact i loved her as a friend and i was genuinely attracted to her but i was so afraid of sexuality i didnt even wanna do anything straight in case i had some weird gay panic that i was totally frigid and i led her on”

21:51 “and straight out the bat bisexual dan returns.” 

22:05 “wow i had a lot of fun with many different kinds of people in 2009. lets just say i got a lot out of my system.” 

29:06 “but also just letting people know what kind of sexual attention i want from the world. all of it from everyone.”   

dan on labeling himself

33:48 “i dont like the stereotypes and drama that come with all of this terminology so im just not gonna use it.” 

35:57 “they dont feel the need to label it, which to be honest, is how i feel”

36:46 “whatever heterosexual is, i aint it” 

37:10 “am i totally gay? no”

37:21 “i dont care what flesh organ you have between your legs”

37:37 “this is why i personally love the word queer [...] the definition makes sense because until society is equal with all sexual and gender identities, it is literally strange from a conventional viewpoint. 

38:02 “there we go an identity i feel comfortable with” 

38:14 “I know that even today, deep in my heart the word gay scares me because thats how ive been conditioned my whole life. so you know what? fuck the literal definition and the scientific definition and what everyone thinks. i finally have too just confront and accept this. im gay” 

so what do i think of all of this? i personally think that he is attracted to people and gender/sex dont seem to really affect how he feels but i know that he is calling himself gay because he felt the need to reclaim the word. hes not the biggest fan of labels and prefers to go by gay/queer. am i misinterpreting what he said? maybe, but that doesnt mean what you think about this is inherently correct or not. 

[ohhcnnas]

( benedetta gargari, female ) did you hear how HANNA RILEY is applying to columbia university as an ECOLOGY AND ENVIRONMENTAL SCIENCES major ?! the 23 year old is living in the EAST CAMPUS. i heard that they got in because they are + BRAVE and + INDEPENDENT, but honestly i think SHE can be -RIGID and - SHORT TEMPERED. they’re a real STICK IN THE MUD. oh well, only time will tell if the SENIOR will make it til the end.  

about the mun !!

hi hello its sam again ! i also play lukas but i felt like bringing my fave lesbian to the table bc i havent played her in fuckin ages and i miss her

about hanna !!

full name: hanna kate riley

nickname(s): han ?? idk hanna is technically already a nickname lmao

age: twenty three

gender: cis female

pronouns: she/her

hometown: north lake, wisconsin

date of birth: may 2nd

occupation: student ( ecology and environmental sciences, senior ), retail assistant at a reclaimed vintage store

relationship status: single but maybe dating some npc that doesnt go to columbia im still deciding lol

drink / smoke / drugs: rarely / no / no

faceclaim: benedetta gargari

positive traits: dedicated, brave, quick witted, protective, independent, organised

negative traits: stubborn, isolated, self doubting, lonely, short tempered, rigid, blunt

if he was in a hogwarts house: gryffindor

now some more dot points that are just me talking about hanna !!

growing up in small town wisconsin hanna didn’t ever really plan on going to a college like columbia. 

number one she doubted her own ability to get into an ivy league university, despite being heavily involved in extra curricular programs and having very good grades she never thought it was going to be enough to earn her a place in such a prestigious institution

number two she kind of always thought she’d stay closer to home, maybe the university of wisconsin or something in chicago. she’s incredibly close with her family, having grown up with most of her extended family living in her hometown or at least quite close to her hometown 

but all the same she applied, her driving motivation being columbia’s brilliant environmental science research programs. she’d been an avid environmentalist since she was a tween. a vegetarian since she was eleven, a vegan since she was fourteen, and even trying her best to live as waste free as possible from time to time ( senior year she’s not very focused on it because it takes a lot of time that she doesn’t have between study and work but she still tries a lil )

she’s a very old soul, heavily influenced by the fact that she grew up living with her grandparents. she loves reading, is always carrying a book in her bag if not several. she dresses pretty modestly but thats a comfort thing more than like a wanting to be modest thing lmao. big introvert but not shy, she will absolutely tell you to go fuck yourself if you’re annoying her even slightly

as you might have already put together she’s very passionate. being a gay environmentalist teenager in small town wisconsin she’s always felt the need to label herself and make sure she’s very strong in her opinions so no one questions her identity or tells her that its a phase and it will pass. she’s calmed down like, a little bit as she’s gotten older but she’s still very passionate about who she is and making sure people know what the fuck she’s about

she’s currently president of the lgbt club at columbia, vice president of feminist thought, a member of the outdoor orienteering club, and ex member of the student council. she “quit”/”was asked to leave” after getting into a v heated argument about something or other lmao

finally: she is a very nice and caring person. she likes to joke around, and really isn’t that tightly wound you just have to get past the hard shell asshole exterior and then she’ll be the gay mom of ur dreams

i just said finally but i want to include her aesthetic from the app bc it really just summarised her very well: recycled denim, thrifted sweaters, homemade rally signs, second hand books, x files on repeat, doc martens, liking plants more than people, carrying her bike upstairs so it doesn't get stolen, patches sown onto bags and jackets, pride pins, headphones in podcasts on, colour coded notes and a meticulously organised day planner, putting way too much soy milk in tea, looking forward to farmers markets

wanted connections babey !!

so with lukas i had a literal week to come up with some specific ones, i did not do that here so mainly will be looking at brainstorming but here’s some starting points

old roommates: maybe they got along, maybe they didn’t. hanna is a very neat person but she also needs everyone else to be neat as well, would definitely lose her shit about people leaving leftovers in the fridge until they stunk 

club members: this one is much more vague bc it’ll depend on what clubs, what their connection is to the club, give me some people that were on student council with her lmao

sorry i hit u with my bike but what the hell were u doing in the bike lane: it’d be funny give it to me pls 

live a little: someone that’s trying to break her out of her shell, it’s senior year and she’s probably only ever gone to a handful of parties, she hasn’t done a lot of stuff simply because she always felt she didn’t need to, but now she’s worried she’s missed out on some valuable college experience

cryptozoology enthusiasts: hanna loves weird stuff, she doesn’t really believe in everything but she thinks its fun to talk about cryptids like they could be real. her uncle goes to a mothman festival every year and brings her back a t shirt so she has an extensive collection now. she loves a good ghost adventures and roast zak bagans session. bonus points if this connection also includes a plan to go to vegas just to go to zak bagan’s haunted museum

hanna has probably pissed off a lot of people, feel free to hate her: thats it thats the connection ( im kidding pls lets plot it out and come up with something funny )

ben wyatt voice its about the found family:  found family pls like dont have to be gays but bonus points if they are but either way hanna is the mom thats just the facts

literally anything lets mcfreakin lose it

[go-diane-winchester]

If you don't like Misha, this post might make you smirk.

I did this post yesterday and then deleted it because the OP made me feel sorry for her.  Luckily for me, someone reblogged it and my momentary stupidity is now remedied.  This whole scenario makes me smirk. 

Yesterday's post:

Doll face found @dean-supernatural-akf ranting in the main tags, including the Jensen tag, which is why she forwarded this biased drivel to me.  Thanks sweetie.  I scrolled though OPs blog, trying to figure this person out, because she ships wincest and destiel, apparently.  And she hates the haters.  It is convenient and dismissive to label those who don’t agree with you, don’t you think?  Label them rather than proving them wrong conclusively, because that would be difficult and you might lose the argument because of a lack of intelligence.  So call them names and be done with it.  Her rant is in italics, and my rebuttal in bold.

Rude and Missunderstood.

I CAN LIKE MISHA COLLINS AS AN HUMAN AND ACTOR WITHOUT BEING ONE OF HIS MINIONS.

Shocking right?

Here have a seat and lean back.

Very recently i got heavily missunderstood, and i’m making this post so it won’t happen again.

I asked someone if their blog is real . Because it was so full of hate against this actor named Misha Collins.

This guy right here, and I bet when you are one of the anti misha people then you even share the same look on your face right now, congrats.

Listen… I love JENSEN and i love JARED. And yes i love MISHA too.

But i don’t follow him around like a dog, i don’t kiss the ground where hes walking on.

AND i also don’t do this with J2.

Why is it that when there is an entire blog dedicated to hate for Jensen or Jared, there is no bleeding heart rant like this about that blogger?  But if you write a blog about all the mean things Misha and his fans do, you are a “horrible human being” with “toxicity and hate in your heart”.  No, I would prefer to call it discernment.  I wont like someone just because “it SPNFamily darn it, haters don’t belong”.  So if Misha gives me consistent reasons to hate him, I am still not allowed to hate him because I will be ejected from SPNFamily?  What is this?  A communist fanbase?  Nobody is allowed to have their own opinions?  Everybody must think the same way and feel the same fairytale happy feelings?  Which dandelion world did you pop up from?

I fight for all of them, i fight against the hate that all of those three get and Misha gets more hate then J2 and thats a fact.

Misha gets more hate?  Really?  You mean like death threats?  Like people tweeting him directly that they wish he was dead?  That kind of hate?  Please, show me where the hate is.  Bring me your receipts.  I want to see all the hate that Misha gets. 

And it’s so fucking unfair, i have seen blogs and people that wish that he would die, a man with two children and wife.

This is so sick and it’s so not okay.

Prove it.  Screenshot and show me where all these horrible people are.  I will put it in a post.  I always do.  The death threats and death wishes for J2 have been screenshotted and are on my blog.  So I have proof for my claims.  Bring the proof for your claims.  Its called making mature statements.  Quantifying your claims.  So please, set me straight.  Show me all the nastiness poor Misha gets.  I would like to see it. 

About the Misha minions, MISHA ISNT THE ONLY ONE WITH MINIONS.

Shocking again, right ?

From under which rock did you emerge?  Misha named his fans minions.  Very disrespectful.  No other actor has ’‘minions’’.  Benedict Cumberbatch didn’t like his fans referring to themselves as Cumberb*tches.  I respect him for that.  Misha did the opposite.   Shocking, right?

The people who only love J2 hate on Misha. And the people who love all of them hate back against the anti Misha people.

That is an incredibly simplistic way of putting it.  And it gives me the impression that this rant was written by someone who is young and idealistic in their notion of how the world works.  How come you don’t talk about the people who like Jensen and Misha and therefore hate Jared?  You cant.  You cant because that would be problematic to the narrative you are vomiting right now.  Those cockles perverts are the ones that tweet him, telling him that that they cant wait for him to die.  Receipts on my blog. 

The way you support J2 is the same way that Misha’s people support him.

Actually no, J2 fans don’t get angry when Misha is interviewed for Elle magazine, yelling “where’s J2”.  They don’t ask “Whose line is it,anyway?” why they excluded J2.  They don’t threaten to burn Misha alive in his house for being anti-destiel and/or making a joke about Jensen.  That happened with Jensen.  I have the receipts.  The same group were discussing kidnapping Jared’s kids.  That group was made up of 3500 people.  So many haters slipped up your radar?  Well, now you know. 

Minions and bitchy people are EVERYWHERE.

It is such a useless fight, don’t like someone?

THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT.

Yeah, take a page out of your own book.  If you don’t like the “haters”, as you dismissively call them, then don’t put this incorrect, unsubstantiated, unquantifiable rant in the main tags.  In fact, keep your uninformed opinion to yourself. 

What you do when you hate someone so badly and make a whole tumblr Blog about it then you are not better as those highschool bullies.

Dealing with the entire subject of hate, in the most abstract manner, without any analysis into your darling actor’s bad behavior and without taking into account the nasty behavior of his fandom, shows that high school is all you know.  Hopefully, one day you will grow up and think on broader terms. 

Cyberbullying is a serious subject, and thats exactly what you do with Hate Blogs and Hate tweets and Hate comments.

Keep using the word “hate”.  It will abrogate all the legitimate anger that the J2 fans have against Misha and his hellerminions.  Hellers are the biggest cyberbullies in fandom.  They sent hate directly to J2.  Some of the things they write will shock a person who has a real disdain to hate, not a daffodil like you who thinks Misha is infallible and doesn’t deserve an anti tag.  One said that she couldn’t wait for Jared to die.  And she tweeted that directly to Jared, along with a praying emoji.  Oh, you don’t know about that?  Well, then I guess you are not an authority on who is SPNFamily and who is not, now are you? 

You want to be a bully ? You love spreading hate ?

THEN JUST FUCKING BLOCK ME AND DON’T REPLY TO THIS.

Don’t reply to this?  Then why put it in the main tags, as well as inappropriate tags, and still hope that nobody disagree with you.  Aren’t we childish? 

What happened after the post was put up:

She DM's me and says that she has since changed her mind because she did another post about the hate that J2 get, and if I could please remove my post, because she was suffering panic attacks over it.  I said I would, but she is going to remove the above misleading post and provide me with proof that Misha gets death threats.  Caught between a rock and a hard place, she said that she came across the death threats on two blogs, that had blocked her for some mysterious reason, which is why she couldn't screenshot the evidence.  I found what those reasons were, when I went to those blogs: 

@castiel-needs-2-go

@destiew-must-go

I searched through their blogs, and found nothing.  No death threats.  They just point out the truth about Misha.  That is it.  She accused them for nothing.  Of course, that didn't occur to me until today, because I still felt concerned for her because the poor kid was suffering panic attacks.  So I deleted the post.  Today I find this message from her:

''So i asked like 10 different people Misha stans and Misha haters about those things you said he did. Nobody has ever heard of it, no one. You are telling your lies man, i aint stopping ya. But you are a horrible person if you need to attack a 19 year old on the Internet and 'Call me out' just because it gives you a kick. And just because you disagreed. My post will stay deleted because it wasnt up to Date anymore, but it wont be my last one. People like you need to be stopped, people like you are the reason why this fandom sucks so hard. Bye Bye. You are the sick one here .''

The weird thing is she attached this gif:

I don't know whether she thought it was going to hurt my feelings or something but, it actually helps to show her true identity.  She is not a wincest fan.  She is a Sam-hating heller in disguise.  Who would have thunk it? 

[istheresomebodywhocanimagine]

Because I’m selfish could you do a shipping me with members thing? I’m short, half Greek and Scottish but raised in Australia (yes, I do have an accent) I have really long brown hair and hazel eyes, and I play bass and sing. I love to read and write, and I almost always have headphones on and music blasting. I also am a drama student and I love to act. Thank you so much xxxxx Love your blog btw.

hi! don’t feel selfish for this, i’mma keep it real with you pal - i have asked for several ships before nO SHAME

anyways, in relation to BoRhap - I ship you with Gwilym!!! At first I was going to say Joe, but I think I see you meshing with Gwilym really well:

When Gwilym got cast as Brian in BoRhap, you were the first one he called. First, to break the news. Second, to ask you for a little help brushing up on his skills. He knew you played bass, and it wasn’t exactly lead guitar, but he still wanted to know all of your little tips and pointers in case there was something he could use when he finally met Brian.

In fact, he came over the next day with his guitar, already ready to learn. You were happy to oblige, but you admitted to him early on that you didn’t exactly know how well you’d be able to translate your bass-centered ideas to the guitar.

“What’s different about the two?” he’d asked, seated across from you and leaning forward over his guitar, genuinely interested in what you had to say. He considered you a great mind on the subject.

“Well, the mechanics are similar, you know, as far as that goes, but the fingerings aren’t going to be the same…” you rambled on for a minute, Gwil transfixed by everything you were saying.

After you were done speaking, he’d grinned at you proudly. “You’re brilliant, love.”

He calls you brilliant a lot, actually. It’s his favorite thing to say to you, because of the way your eyes light up when he says it. They are already brimming with all kinds of energy, but after he calls you brilliant - that’s when he’s the most captivated.

You heard that word - brilliant - coming out of his mouth the most often when he was reading over your latest writing, no matter what style it was. Poetry, prose, he loved it all. 

“Can I keep this one?” he’d asked one time, holding up a piece of prose you’d written specifically about him. You grinned and took it back from him, looking over it for a moment.

“What’s so special about this one?” you’d asked as you sat back on the bed, preferring the poem you’d written about him a few months ago much more than this piece. But boy, did he have an answer for you. In fact, you’d never heard someone speak as passionately about something as Gwil would once he got going.

He stood up and gave you a 10 minute speech about why he thought you should let him keep that short story, introduction, body, and conclusion to the speech all included.

“So, can I?” he’d asked after a moment of you sitting there, dumbfounded. He gave you a toothy smile as he sat back down next to you.

“You were definitely born to be an actor,” you mumbled, handing the prose to him and shaking your head in disbelief at how much he’d fought for those two pages of writing. That’d gotten a chuckle out of him, and he peppered the side of your face with kisses before happily taking the story back.

Speaking of acting, Gwil LOVED coming to your performances. He took a whole week off of filming once just so he could see every night of your theater company’s Anything Goes. 

He’d posted a big long paragraph about your performance after opening night, telling all of his loyal followers how brilliant you had been, and how proud he was of you. And, of course, he’d put some sentences in there about how much he loved you and loved going on this journey with you.

And then Joe commented “-Bri” just to make fun of how eerily alike Gwil was to his elder double. Classic Joe.

Now, if we’re talking Queen, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I really think I ship you with Roger - HEAR ME OUT, I have some (probably weak) reasons:

The reason I think you’d caught Roger’s eye before any of the other boys is because of your accent - he’d latched onto it almost immediately after hearing you speaking to Deacon, who had hired you as a bass tech. You were both eagerly discussing some kind of system that Roger hadn’t a clue about, but your voice was like a drug to him.

He’d made a point of inserting himself into the conversation, introducing himself and chastising John a bit.

“How come I haven’t met your friend here sooner?” Roger scolded John playfully, John just laughing and shaking his head.

“This is Y/N, she’s my new tech. I figured I’d introduce her to the most sane members of the band first, but first I have to figure out who those are.”

You’d laughed at that, particularly because of the mock hurt on Roger’s face before he’d reached out to shake your hand, you introducing yourself this time.

“That accent,” he’d had to point out, letting go of your hand, “Where is it from?”

“Australia. What about yours?” you’d countered, noticing a bit of a different lilt to his words than John’s.

Roger scoffed at that, shrugging. “Cornwall. Exciting stuff, eh?”

After that day, he’d always find reasons to come and talk to you, sometimes the reason being no better than him wanting to hear your accent.

The day Roger realized he actually might fancy you was when he’d noticed you writing on one of the off days and asked to see a sneak peek of what you were doing. Roger loved writing songs, and wondered if you had any good material.

You did. In fact, he was thoroughly impressed by your work, and spent the rest of the day work-shopping with you, which spilled over into a late night coffee run before it was time to go hop on the bus to head to the next tour stop.

You were in the coffee shop, talking about what Queen had coming up after this tour, when Roger had redirected the conversation.

“You know, I’ve never asked, what did you study back home?” he’d inquired, curious to see what kind of person you were. He’d pegged you as some sort of major similar to John based on your identical knowledge of his bass, so he was pleasantly surprised when you revealed that you were a drama student. “An actor, huh? That must be why you’re so seemingly interested in all of Brian’s stories. God, explains so much now.”

You had to laugh at that, shaking your head. “No, no, Brian actually has some good stories and knows how to tell them. Now you, on the other hand…” you’d trailed off, Roger recoiling in slight insult at what you’d suggested. 

Someone who could keep up with his humor and insult him while they were at it? You were growing on him quickly.

One thing he always really enjoyed doing once you grew more comfortable around him was (carefully) taking your headphones and listening to a little bit of whatever you were currently listening to.

At first, it annoyed you a bit, but when you realized he was genuinely wanting to pick up on some of your music taste, you allowed it to happen with little to no issue. 

Also, he’d started slipping you song recommendations on tapes of his, labeling them cute things and drawing little smiley faces on them. Though it was difficult to understand his scrawlings sometimes, you cherished those tapes.

While we’re talking about songs, Roger liked to hear you sing. One time, you were trying to explain a part of the song where you thought Deacon wasn’t getting a good sound out of his bass to another tech, and you started singing the chorus part where it started sounding off.

Roger was, for lack of better words, shook.

Like, he loved your voice.

So, clever little gentleman he is, he found a way to start getting you to sing around him more by pretending to hear issues with the bass in the songs they’d play during their sets.

“It was like, it was muted during the last part of the second chorus, you know?” he’d said one time, working his way into it nonchalantly. “Like, the part where, you know, Fred goes, ‘and I love the things…’“ he’d trailed off, pretending not to remember the next part.

You thought for a moment, then you sang in a soft voice just to clarify.  “And I love the things, I really love the things that you do, oh, you’re my best friend? That part?”

“Yeah, yeah!” he’d say, smiling and pointing at you like you were a genius for remembering the simplest lyrics in the whole set.

You caught on after a few times of false alarms from him, but you let him keep believing that he had you right where he wanted you. It was honestly really cute that he’d go through so much work to hear you sing, even if he didn’t necessarily need to try that hard.

(But don’t tell him that, for God’s sake.)

[ifeelsoemptysometimes]

Hmmm thinking of my gender identity it something that I find very confusing, like most probably due lol I see myself in the mirror and I just see a person. I don't,, see myself as a woman. God that even sounds gross. Girl sounds a little more acceptable but I think that's because I see myself as a child, not an adult but I digress. I just dont see myself as a woman. Do I think im feminine? Yea to a degree but not super feminine. But, I dont mind being seen as one. I think she/her/they pronouns fit me best, tho I do question the they part a little. It dont feel right, but I put it in anyways. It feels, invalid. I guess its because if you dont fit the gender "norm" then you have to go by they/them or not really but thats what my thought process is. I honestly don't really like talking about bc if my religious background. Or idk, being raised in a Christian household really cements how you think so I something struggle a little about gender sexuality and what not. Im much better about it now compared to like 5 years ago. Anyways i dont feel like a woman, but calling myself anything else other than a woman doesn't feel right, like if im trying to conveymyself?? But like, ik how i feel and I dont feel like a woman, but also i dont mind being seen as a woman?? Its fucking confusing and a bit distressing. I ignore it the best i can to like not fucking spiral. I know that i dont have to be labeled and in some way i do feel unlabeled bc idk what label fits me. I dont call myself non-binay and i was think neutrois but those dont really fill right. I dont think im agender bc I do feel like i have a gender, and other ones dont feel right either. Oh god this is too nuch i need a break.

[flamewyrmz]

a late night rant from twitter im putting in one place, because its a trainwreck of several threads there. mostly copy/paste and still not proofread, but a collection of thoughts on gender, sexuality, personal identity, and love and support within the lgbtq community. i do really lay myself bare here so id like to ask that if you disagree or have criticism you do so respectfully and with that in mind, thank you <3 and if this means something to you itd mean the world to me if you shared it

dunno if ive said this here before but like. if you think you might be bi/pan but youre on the fence cos maybe youve never had a crush on a nonfictional guy or get more crushes on guys than on girls and you find yourself tied up in knots like "well im gay but im also attracted to nonbinary people unless theyre mostly woman-aligned but i dont wanna say im bi/pan because then people will think i like girls and like i like them theoretically but--" let go. just say fuck it! im bi/pan! 

try it out and if it doesnt feel right it doesnt feel right and thats fine and in the end no matter what youll have learned a little about yourself. this is actually my advice on any gender/sexuality dilemmas you might be having. go wild. try it out. see how it feels. dont feel like you have to confine yourself to something just because youve stuck with it for some amount of time. 

if youre questioning dive right into the deep end! no matter how it goes youll be a better swimmer in the end. its all not quite rigid and a little fluid anyways (for some more than others obv) so if youre unsure, man... go for it. its ok to backpedal

--

this is important advice to me because ive struggled with it multiple times in the past and this has only recently clicked and i really wish it had sooner. first it was with being... not straight in general. like i was actively dating someone of the same gender and i never considered that that meant, uh, im not straight. always "do you like boys or girl?" "uhhhhhhhhh. uh. UH" 

then with being in the range of aro/ace spect. then with being nonbinary! then with being nb but primarily male. and then goddammit im just a boy. accepting that God I Love Men And Only Men (and with it that i *wasnt* aro or ace in ANY capacity) and then, very recently (like up until a couple months ago. like im p sure this year. not 2017), going back on that and admitting i was bi. it is so so freeing to just say "fuck it" and test those waters!

hell, you find something you resonate with but looks a little silly? go for it! use those bun/buns/bunself pronouns. go with stargender! ace-flux demibiromantic? hell yeah rock that shit! it can always change and you can always decide its not right and go back! h4y dudes

--

all of that especially goes for teens who dont know what the fuck theyre doing. im only 20 yea and barely 20 at that but man i wish id heard this sooner

and please dont take that as me saying "well if youre a lesbian sexuality is fluid and maybe youre actually bi"! hell no. if youre a lesbian and you KNOW youre and lesbian and couldnt ever be anything else then rock on you funky little lesbian! but if you id as a lesbian but are teetering on something like "well im attracted to some fictional and theoretical men but not any real ones and maybe its just compulsory heterosexuality but im not sure and--" dont be afraid to try a different label. its all what feels right to you and theres absolutely no harm

--

people bash on like. """mogai genders""" and nounself pronouns and the split attraction model and all that and like. yeah! those things can hurt people! personally i struggled with the split attraction bit combined with how broadly people define the ace spectrum. it can be used to hurt. and it is used to hurt. sometimes its deliberate, sometimes its not. but the hurt is there. but its not inherently good or bad. 

and yeah, some of it sounds silly. hell, it sounds silly to me sometimes! but to some people hearing that label makes everything click into place, even if just for a little bit, and i take that very seriously. it is one of the best feelings in the world and i want as many lgbtq people (of any age) to experience it. 

for some people it feels right to zoom waaaaaaay in and section it into lots of little bits and for others its "fuck it! i dont know shit! im just queer!" and those are both equally valid (that words been thru 12 garbage disposals but i cant think of a better one) maybe you go back n forth and thats fine too! as long as youre open to it changing or being wrong it cant hurt and, like i said, its one of the best possible feelings to have it click like that

--

as an aside: being bi can *totally* mean "im attracted to men and nonbinary people are long are they arent primarily woman-aligned" or it can mean "im attracted to everyone fuck it" personally? i use bi over pan because i feel like it better encapsulates that i *do* have preferences (i say this all the time but God I Love Men) but ultimately gender doesnt really matter to me cos everyones cute and hot and generally attractive and im not leaving anyone out because im just a little more inclined to kissing boys. but thats me!

--

as Another aside: i do still to some degree identify with uhh this is gonna sound contradictory but agender boy? or more like boy agender? boygender with left none? i just dont personally feel like its worth taking the time to explain over n over. but it used to be, for me, n i dont regret that a single bit! i wouldnt regret that even if i *didnt* still feel that way in any capacity. honestly? 

i dont regret any of the ways ive identified in the past even though feeling stuck and cornered into some got a little harmful to me (and if youve gone through somethin similar and DO regret it and wish youd never heard whatever term you used thats good too. im very strongly advocating for "use whatever labels you want and if it dont fit it dont fit" here but if they did hurt you and youre still hurting about it i understand 100% just dont use it to pull others down. if it concerns you say your piece and let them decide)

--

this is personally a little hard to admit so bear with me here 

honestly? ANY sort of strong identity didnt start developing in me until i was.... 14 or so? and very slowly at that. like gender evened out around 18 and sexuality just a few months ago LMAO. but up until i was a teenager i didnt really feel much of anything re: gender or attraction (and the attraction thing is pretty normal for kids and even teens tbqh!) 

and i just.... didnt really think about it! i had This Name and apparently was a girl and i didnt really get what it was like to BE a girl but thats what people said and i didnt know there were other options so i went with it! the name didnt bother me either (except for when people made jokes about a Certain Historical Figure with the same one. just thinking about that i get tired) 

and when it came time to actually grapple with the whole concept of being *into* people i just kinda... slunk away! no joke until like 10th grade if someone started a rumor that i was dating x or y had a crush on me i would start to avoid them entirely. lost a friend in 4th grade that way but then in hs hed turned into a TOTAL DICK so no loss there. i think part of that was also people making the assumption that i was straight though? big shrug! 

i didnt even realize attraction was a thing i had until i got asked out and just kind of "oh wow??? that sounds so nice??? i feel the same??? yes??" and thats WHY i went thru varying aro/ace labels. cos it unfolded slowly (which again is totally normal if youre a teenager, so dont worry about it if youre going thru that. roll with the punches. and if youre a teen and youve got it figured out? thats totally normal too!) 

and the gender thing was similar once i learned that it was an actual possibility (especially being nb, and ESPECIALLY especially being agender) i slowly just... poked at it until i figured something out (fun fact: what set me off to finally go "fuck it im not a girl at all" was being stuck in an awful hair salon chair while my mom got a haircut that took FOREVERRRRRRRRR and i was having godawful period cramps. like i knew not being a girl wouldnt DO anything about them but i made that decision then n there n didnt look back!) 

and then i kept pokin at it and watching it like the seed id planted finally started to sprout and i realized i didnt actually know what kind of seed it WAS. i guess ive always been very nebulous in those aspects and its just now forming into something solid. like i said, its a little hard to admit and i... dont think ive actually talked about this in this depth before to, like, anyone? 

because the "oh ive always known" narrative is the only one you ever see in popular media and sometimes even from the community itself! and theres nothing wrong with having always known! but theres also nothing wrong with being like me! but i still feel a little anxious talking about it like it somehow means im a sham. 

hell, id even go so far as to say i WAS a girl as a kid! i WAS varying shades of agender and nonbinary and ???? as a teen, and i AM, like, 95% a guy right now! maybe in a few years ill be something else. none of those things contradict each other. things like that can change! its not set in stone (but like i said: for some people it is! or, like, set in slime that you left out for 5 years so now its pretty much a rock but if you really try it still squishes into something else?? none of these things invalidate the others! were all unique). 

i wouldnt say that at any point ive been cis or straight, cos even when i just went with being a girl and stuff it was always a little ??? but, yknow. even if i HAD been those things at some point it wouldnt matter to me? things just are the way they are and were the way they were

--

im making myself really vulnerable here and my thought process is a mess and i ramble and repeat myself and my memory and attention span is like 2 seconds and i dont proofread but. its important i think. i dont have a lot of followers and fewer still thatre active but... that really doesnt matter. 

maybe someone will retweet at least one of these messy, messy threads. maybe link it to a friend. maybe screenshot it and post it on tumblr [note: LMAO YEAH AND ITS YOU DUMBASS], or to keep for themself. if any of my words help anyone out even a little then it matters and honestly? then its the most important thing in the whole danged world. if even one person sees any of the things ive said tonight and it means *anything* to them, even if just "oh, im not alone in this" then ive succeeded here. 

i dont want any of us to ever feel trapped or alone because shit! lifes too fuckin short for that! its goddamn hard being anything but cisgender and straight! sometimes it sucks! like really sucks! there have been so many times ive broken down completely over being trans and felt like, for myself, its the most awful thing in the world. its why prides so important. its why community is so important. 

because even when the pressure of the world brings you down so low you think youll never escape theres something or someone there to take your hand and pull you back up, put you on your feet, and say "i know its hard. and itll get hard again. but i believe in you, and youre strong enough for this, and im here with you through every step". that goes for anyone but especially goes for us. and im not just talking about lgbtq youth here. all of us. which is *why* im laying myself completely bare here. 

most of this stuff? ive either never talked about or only vaguely mentioned. but im putting it out there. because there was a point where i needed it but didnt have it, and even if its just one person, i want to give someone this advice so at least they dont have to deal with the same stuff i did. and if youre reading this? i love you. im here for you. im my dms are always open and if for some reason they arent its almost definitely an accident and if you say something ill reopen them. 

and if youre someone who hates me? maybe even mutually? if it came down to it id let you come to me at your lowest moment, no questions asked, no judgement held, and at the end of it still be the same kind of enemies we were before and never speak again. there are some exceptions of course but honestly ill forgive a lot for someone who needs that kind of support. and if youre one of the people this applies to, i know youll probably never take me up on it. i dont expect you to. i dont expect you to even for a second be comfortable with that idea. thats fine. but if for some reason you ever need it, its there. 

i can count on one hand the ex friends that i wouldnt give that to and thats ONLY because theyve legitimately hurt me and left lasting damage (and for some of them? its mutual. and im sorry for that, regardless of how i feel about your treatment of me im truly sorry for my actions. that probably sounds fake and anyway i digress) 

and if youre a complete stranger? someone who follows me but has never interacted with anything ive posted? a mutual i havent spoken to yet? im here. and im bumbling, and awkward, and not the best at comfort but you can always come to me if you need someone. im only one man and im under a lot of stress but i swear ill do the best i can, even if its only reading and replying 3 days later and even then just listening and offer whatever gentle comfort or reassurance youll accept. 

because thats important to me. thats the impact i want to leave on this world. i dont ever want anyone to feel as small, as scared, as worthless, as alone as i have. im no fighter. im not going to lead any revolutions and hell im too anxious to even go to protests but im here for support. im here to help and heal. and thats important too

--

and if you listened to that? thank you. if you just skimmed? thank you for that too. if you shared it with someone? thank you (so much). and if you dont? thank you anyways, just for the time

just know this: i love you. i dont care who you are, if youre reading this i love you and im behind you 100%. im here if you need it. stay strong, do something that makes you smile if only for a moment. take that leap of faith. dont restrict yourself for even a second

i meant to go to bed at least two hours ago so goodnight <3 be safe, drink some water, if you have any kind of pet give it some love. take care of yourself. youre the most important person in your own world and never forget that, even if you dont think you are. even if theres something or someone you treasure above everything else. dont diminish your own worth! you are alive, and you are here, and theres nothing more important than that, really. the things you love matter more than anything else. hold them close

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

no dont apologise! i didnt check until just then so np :)

mmm yeah it is a bit trippy. hehe ITS TRUE THO. yeah sadly i think ur right, and tag blocking is probably a good idea. sometimes smut written well or not in excess is okay but goddamn when its abt 01 line and thats the whole fic... *silently blocks tags*

hehe i do that all the time lol this conversation is carrying on threads from a month ago :) mmm yeah ur probably right sadly, same. HA HE DIDNT HAVE A CHOICE and now i have someone to talk to abt them, so thats good! I KNOW felix was actually the one who got me into skz with his iconique gods menu line so i guess i have a soft spot for him. i always tell myself my bias is chan but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess im more whipped than id like to admit. mmm yeah that does make sense dw i hope they do that as well. YES king seungmin hIMSELF. GODDAMNIT DONT GET ME STARTED ON MINHO IN GODS MENU I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HE WAS PART OF THE GROUP UNTIL I STARTED GETTING MORE INTO THEM. BITCH (affectionate) THE LINE DISTRIBUTION HAS BEEN UTTER DOG SHIT but *deep breath* its better now so were moving on adn hoping it stays that way. sis same but i may or may not have gone thru a rlly depressed phase and actively sought out the elimination episodes so i could actually force some tears out of my emotionless shell of a heart but what cna you do? lmaoo i feel that irl, binnie deserves more vocal lines. yesss channies accent is rlly prominent then, i think also the way he structures his phrasing? is more english speaking than korean? but yeah i totally get what ur saying. AJKSAL lmao

okay then! im excited for whenever it gets done! (maybe tag me?) ahh the cold shrivelled heart of a dark au writer beats again at the thought of torturing another poor characters very soul (/j) :(( yeah that would suck not being able to see them. ohhh ur on the other hemisphere to me! were just going into spring rn. mmm smth to look forward to! YES you put it into words. they rlly are pretty independent from the company (remember how jyp rejected that other dudes songs after like 3 seconds and then how he was apparently nervous to show the song hed written to chan cos chan was so good at writing hits ahhh sweet revenge) mmmYES we rlly need a mute and remove notifications button for our brains dont we?

YES CORRECT i totally agree. some people jsut dont give it a try, adn assume its bad cos its korean smh racist assholes. yes! im coming up to my 6 month anniv actually! sis sAME, i feel like theyre being tugged into appealing to the western american market and theyre not staying as true to their artistic flair as a group, especially with only writing english songs atm. *sigh* ah well, at least theyre bringing recognition to the kpop world. AHUH dead on, theyre going to be discarded pretty soon and then where will bp be? theyll prob go solo paths which is rlly sad but what can you do when the company is run by a prideful asshole? yg is not going to last much longer in the big four if they keep this up.

hehe you get it. oooh very cool! whos ur ult? (sorry if youve said this before) mmmm yeah good decision, i feel liek thats probably a wise decision. this is my first album release as a kpop stan (not counting mixtape oh) so i think ill get it for sentiments sake. yeah! im excited for the new music! mingi was the one who got me into them, but atm my bias is seonghwa followed by san, wooyoung and ateez but jonghos high notes man *swoon* he, yeah atm ive got jake, jay, nikki, jungwon and sunoo down so just trying to get the rest :) heh, yeah kard i rlly only got into cos of bm, ive seen him like interacting with a lot of idols and he seemed nice so i decided to check out the group. ikr gunshot man *another swoon*

no noe! i didnt know what it was until i got it lol. thx toffee ill try and take that to mind :) yeah lol im on a waiting list thats not going to be free until late september so hopefully i can hold on until then. hope ur okay, that sounds like it sucks, hope you can find someone. maybe ill just take you along on my phone and the therapist can get a two for one patient deal lmaooo. mmm, sorry no i havent mentioned it before, i dont rlly talk abt it much. uhhh basically hypermobility? if you google it, it doesnt seem bad, jsut joint flexibility but ive got the severe end of the stick, leaning towards ehlers danlos syndrome so thats fun. basically it just makes it hard for me to exercise, run, jump, stand or just walk for long periods of time and gives me a lot of joint and muscle pain so... thats fun! but obviously so many other people have it worse than me, so i try not to complain. normally in young people it will improve as they get older, but my doctor said bc its severe in me, its unlikely to get much better. but again, i dont have the worst lot in the bunch, so its all g.

oh its good that its not the bad type of rain, a light sprinkling can be relaxing sometimes. aww thx darl, the concern is appreciated but it went pretty well and i managed not to cough too much on stage or kill myself trying to run around to the other side of the stage in the pouring rain so thats good! oooh tea buddies! my dogs a labradoodle, but shes a bit more of a feral poodle lol not much labrador in her at all, unless its her relentless urge to hunt down every bird that has ever walked this earth smh :((( hopefully they can come back on soon, does uni have dances?

ahhh a mood if i ever heard one. hopefully things will get better for you soon, ik anxiety sucks ass. ooh thats always good! when its sunny here, its always melt ur thongs to the pavement hot so the nicely cool sunny days are a lovely change. hehe impatience is not so good for you, but good for us that get to see ur beautiful theme early. ahh no worries, itll come eventually hopefully. and if not, then just things that make you not anxious are good. it doesnt have to be black or white, sometimes gray is good. mmmmm sames i have midterms this week to catch up on and then two weeks of end of terms so thats fun! i hope u can overcome that a little, heres some channie to be ur motivation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8LWyNjzOww. hah! i hear that all the time, he seems to be everywhere. did you see that tiktok of hans slowed back door rap, i stg it sounded EXACTLY like namjoon, it kinda scared me. also teh beginning of another day, sounds so much like joon i swear.

that reminds me! idk ur biases! i feel like this should be smth i should know so please! feel free to elaborate!

ahh im glad, i was worried it is. mmm same, so no hard feelings if either of us misses a day or smth. ill start worrying if weeks/months have gone by, but if its just a little while thats more than fine. ill just picture you studiously completing notes and i wont worry lol

<3 w.a. 🐺

at some point i really think i'm going to start blocking accounts because blocking tags won't be enough. i saw ask tags the other day and it just made me want to bleach my eyeballs.

i could talk about god's menu felix for hours man. the teaser for god's menu that featured his part on the bridge made me look forward to the mv release. you: biases chan, also you: lixiesbabyhands. yes you are more whipped than you think. i can't believe orange haired minho was given NOTHING during that era but they kind of made up for it in the b-sides. i also hope it stays that way. the distribution for this era was pretty fair.

"torturing another poor character's soul" in all honesty, i used to live for this. 2017 me leading up to early 2020 wrote nothing but angst. i have another aussie friend on twt and tbh i'm still really (O.o) about the seasons! jyp should be terrified skz could easily take over that company. heck if skz grow old and start their own company, they'd probably do a great job at running it. PLEASE. i have issues on muting/notifications both mentally and in real life. sometimes, i just wish to disappear.

some people in my country are just disgusting tbh. not only racist but homophobic too. they label kpop as 'gay' and it DISGUSTS me. it's a problematic behavior/mindset people in my country need to fucking get rid of. anyway, HELP ME 6 MONTHS??? and i've been in this shit for like a decade eye. tbh, i’m not fond of kpop groups trying to appeal to the western audience :// it feels like they’re losing their identity in a way. yes recognition but at what cost? yg has my favorite groups but that’s one shitty company when it comes to promoting.

okay my ult! it’s haechan from nct but i consider chan an ult too. like a close second above my whopping list of kpop boys. oh yes! you should get the album just for like a keepsake? remembrance? how did mingi appeal to you? omg did you start getting interested in ateez back when he was still on hiatus? NOT YOU BIASING THE SAME PEOPLE I DID WHEN I FIRST STARTED STANNING. the infamous ateez thot-line. jongho is easily one of the best fourth gen vocalists out here, no one can change my mind :( good luck with memorizing the rest of enhypen! just in time for the comeback too. i hope i’ll get into kard soon but i’m pretty content (and a tad bit overwhelmed) with the amount of groups i stan right now.

please hold on though, feel free to vent here if you like. thanks for the offer tho HAHA but like i’ll try to get checked here too when the cases die down a bit. i’m sorry to hear about your condition though :( please don’t ever overwork yourself to the point that your joints/muscles would ache. it’s completely valid to complain about it tho. i get that you have others in mind but keeping that mindset really doesn’t do you (like you internally) any better? so if you need to, vent your frustrations out and don’t keep it in.

oh my god, about your performance last sunday. was the stage out in the open? glad you didn’t cough too much and did well on your concert. i’m proud of you! i can never understand dogs and poor birds T_T uni doesn’t have dances unfortunately. i think there’s just one party at the end like a graduation ball. what year are you in anyway? if it’s something that you’re fine with sharing. if not, it’s cool.

good luck with your exams! and thanks for the link! AHA what a cutie. i think he does this motivation thing once in a while during his lives and it’s just comforting. yeah joon and han my irl just freaked when we made that discovery. ult crumbs for her. oh god not me forgetting about every biases when you asked. you can ask for my biases in a few groups just list down the one’s you’re interested in knowing. 

i missed yesterday because i was grinding and finishing what if we stay + school work. finally did it today. i’m sure i’ll reply in like a day or two, definitely not a month unless i state otherwise. if i ever decide to abandon this blog, i’ll let you know.