aliveahahafuck

[aliveahahafuck]

absolutely nothing wrong with not liking or wanting kids of course but people who refer to kids as crotch goblins and referring to mothers as breeders or incubators is so unbelievably cringe and misogynistic

[aliveahahafuck]

So, random funny things that happened at larp this weekend:

I was NPCing as a crab, and at one point, one of the owners, who was also a crab, got this absolute Cheshire grin and ran OOG towards a light post that has been designated as the portal between cities/places within the different larp guilds (ie between all other games put on by guilds within the Underword universe). As more of us saw that and realised what he was doing as soon as we went down, we joined him. And as Crabs were still joining the group, he just started chanting, "COMING THROUGH THE SKEIN GATE: ONE", a few people join him chanting, "COMING THROUGH THE SKEIN GATE: TWO", and finally there's eight of us yelling the chant and at 3, we all shuffle out of the portal and all I hear from a player is "WHO THE FUCK PAID THE FEE FOR 8 CRABS TO GO THROUGH THE SKEIN GATE!?!?!?! THAT'S SO MUCH GOLD?!?!" (Someone who no longer has a crab problem, obviously. Lmao)

I fell asleep at a picnic table because A: the sun was warm, B: it was peaceful listening to the people chat beside me, and C: it was like 11 am and I'd only been up for two hours but had been exhausted the whole time. Except I wasn't completely sleeping, I was in the half awake state you get where you can hear ahit going on around you, but actually processing basically nothing. Because of that, I heard one of the people who I'd been chatting with say, "Should we wake her? There's demons coming." Only to hear what felt like seconds later:

"Hello there, what have we here?"

"It's a nature's hold. Wild animals can't see us."

"I see. And your friend?"

"Ehhhhh, she might be dead, might be sleeping, we're not too sure."

"Okay then, I'll leave you too whateverthis is." (Footsteps as they walk away)

"I can't believe that worked."

"Me neither."

They did end up waking me up and I chatted with them a bit before I fell asleep again for what felt to me like max 30 seconds, but according to my friend was more like 5-7 minutes and was woken up by a familiar voice saying: "Here. This is for you."

And I raise my head and see a hand placing an orange directly in front of me, I look up to the owner of the hand, and it's my best friends uncle, one of the owners of the guild, dressed as a demon with about 4 others and I just kinda blue screen and just say "thank you???" And they all walk off.

Once they're back in plot camp (a cabin a couple meters away but far enough to be out of earshot), I turned to the people beside me and just go: "he gave me an orange? What the fuck do I do with it? I'm not eating the demon orange?"

The consensus was do not trust the suspicious fruit.

(I found out later that he stole it from the player who runs an alchemy shop and also sells snacks; "he took it as he walked by and at first I was mad, but then I realised that demon just took the cheapest item in my shop; I'm going to take that as a compliment.")

Also, the demons just wanted coffee.

I also found out that while I was sleeping, the bottom of my WOOL cloak had fallen off my lap. I was sitting at a picnic table that had an ever growing puddle around it as the day went on. The fucker wasn't dry by the time I got home a day and a half later.

Lil while later, and I, once again, was fucking exhausted. I ended up going into the tavern and just laid down across one of the pew style benches that lined the walls (10/10 wouldn't recommend. Sitting up at the picnic table was better) and took off my belt, which had a few leather bags attached, to use as a pillow. Partly because I wasn't dumb enough to leave them as easy access and lose my shit, partly because the bench was so thin that I wouldn't have been able to comfortably lay down with the one on my back.

The tavern was FUCKING LOUD. Like, holy shit how did I sleep for 1.5 hours with that racket going on, loud.

I don't remember like 95% of what went on, but the things I do remember are someone saying "shit. There's bears outside." Followed quickly by "HOLY SHIT THE BEARS HAVE MAGIC"

And when, I'm assuming, the battle was over, the shopkeeper player yelling out a window, "I'm selling (healing potions), and they're really cheap~~"

Some time later, about an hour into this nap, I'd sat up, stared into the middle distance for a bit, then walked across the tavern to where I'd left my cloak and over vest above a heater to dry, put on the vest, took my cloak threw it down onto of my "pillow" and immediately went back to sleep for another 30 min.

Sunday, I was chatting with a friend when a npc gnome came over and challenged him to an arm wrestling contest. I was also friends with the person playing the npc. The guy I was originally talking to activated a magic item that made him stronger mid competition, to which the gnome activated a "gnomish device" anti magic field and won the contest. At which point he stopped and looked at me:

"You didn't have any magical items on you, right? Or potions?"

"Uhhhh, yeah. I had a potion of purify in my bag."

"Shit. Well, now you don't. It's just water."

He looked so upset that he'd fucked over my potion and he gave me blacksmithing materials as compensation.

It literally took all of 5 minutes for me to get a new potion, for free, because I knew who'd made them, and he knew I play a healer lmao

vlater i volunteered to go grab someone's staff from our cabin. As I'm walking across the central field, all I hear is: "LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU! CRABS!"

I turned to see the person who was playing the gnome, now a crab, just hauling ass b-lining towards me across the field. As previously stated, I'm a healer, a squishy as fuck, lvl 4 healer. I quickly turned and bolted, unlocked the cabin, flung the door open, slammed it shut behind me, and grabbed the staff I was sent to get in the first place. Seconds later the crab opened the door and saw me, this 5foot fuck all human holding this 7foot long staff grinning like a Cheshire cat: "activate magic item: sigil of the weapons master. 7 MAGIC! 7 MAGIC!-"

I like to call that staff "overkill: the weapon" lmao

The owner of it: "it costs 3 gold to borrow it. Unless you're so tiny that it looks ridiculous, then it's free."

I fell into the "Hilariously tiny" group, but also the "we're playing the same rareish race, and we stick together" group lol

After a huge battle where like 9 people died:

"I'm so not getting that staff back. There's no way it survived."

"That's unfortunate, I liked killing crabs with it."

"Yeah, that's always fun, even if its so overkill for them."

(5 minutes later I come running into the tavern again)

"MORE PEOPLE SURVIVED, THEYRE HEADING BACK NOW! (People start excitedly leaving) also, your staff survived."

"IT WHAT"

"It's coming back! I saw Wolfgreir (who had it before the battle) without it and was happy that at least he survived, and then I saw it being carried through the bush, Jaylin (main healer) has it!"

"No way. I was sure it was gone!"

"I can't believe it either."

[aliveahahafuck]

Far away - bg3 Astarion comic

I hope you enjoyed

[aliveahahafuck]

I might've added the BG3 Art Book to my dnd assets stash

It' 100% does not have things like the 5e players' handbook + 5e’s character sheet, several gm guides, critical role's explorer's guide to wildmount, baldur's gate and waterdeep city encounters, 101 potions and their effects, volo's guide to monsters, both of xanathar's guides, a bunch of other encounters, one shots, and class builds

In no way are there any pdf’s relating to any wizard who may or may not be residing on any coast

(Edit that I’ve moved the folder to the new link above! So if you catch a different version of this post that link won’t work anymore!)

[aliveahahafuck]

____

the sword coast is saved, but astarion never made it.

they never worried about separation because they never thought of their relationship as anything special. but now, years later, when it comes to kissing others, gale can't get rid of the familiar pale face that comes to mind every time he closes his eyes.

and what horrifies him most is that he can't remember the details of that face. he can't remember the voice, the figure, the smell. and when he forgets the sensation of cold fingers on his neck, that will be the end of him.

[aliveahahafuck]

Dungeon Meshi - Human Races

[aliveahahafuck]

Prompt 2301

“You’ll like needle felting, it’s mostly stabbing.”

[aliveahahafuck]

More larp shit:

It was the All Hallows event, which basically means literally everything is trying to kill you. Even the kitchen sink."

I spent the majority of the weekend fucking off into the trees whenever shit attacked because HOLY SHIT, FUCK THAT, NOPE

Most things did ~5 damage, I had 3 health

I stand by my decisions.

.

I ate shit because I slipped on ice when I ran out the back door on the first night.

.

I also got followed by a tenticle

got told to give it something, and it'd go away, except I didn't have shit on me, I lost it long enough to grab a snack before it went right back to following me and I panic offered it seaweed.

It gave me fae dust, engulfed me, then disappeared, causing everyone to panic until the person said that I was still there, just covered head to toe in goop

.

Got shown some, very well drawn and anatomically correct, smut drawings. I knew it was smut before I looked. I'm not sure what I expected.

.

A fantastic human being gave me a pair of bracers, and I was like "holy shit, are you sure? Do you want me to pay you back?" And he wouldn't let me.

.

I stayed up till 4am on the first night, before I got told to go the fuck to bed after I joked about how I was up till 4 am the night before and had been up since 6 am. Which is honestly fair

.

Blind man's stick. In which 5 people ran around with rubber chickens duct taped to their feet while someone else tries to smack em with a stick while blindfolded. I fell because of the tape lmao

.

Farmer: "This is my dog, Jonathan."

Johnathan: "*snarls* Is visibly a raccoon. *more snarling*"

.

"There's fleshy blobs outside."

Walks into the kitchen to make tea, immediately turns around and walks back out.

"There's a fleshy blob in the kitchen."

.

Twisted my ankle in a hole and was sitting "out" during a fight with demons while I made sure I did fuck my ankle and it wouldn't make it worse if i go back to running around, not even 10 seconds after I got my shoe back on so I could join back one of the demons locked eyes with me and I just stared at it until it hit me, then got up and immediately was in bleed lmao

.

*was talking to a nice couple who were walking their dogs on the other side of the fence while "hiding" from monsters*

"Where's everyone else?"

"Oh, they're in the center field fighting tentacle things, I just ran out the back door once they got into the large building."

"Tentacle things? Is that one of them?"

*turns around to see one following me through the thorn bushes*

"SHIT. Yeah, BYE."

*starts running through the bushes again*

"KEEP GOING, YOU CAN DO THIS."

.

Someone got resurrected, and the first thing they did is stand up and stare directly into the eyes of the healer who resurrected them and said, "Jaylin. You need to promote me because I'm not going to die as your apprentice."

His response was, "Yeah, I think I can do that."

.

Some cultists worshipping "the great tentacle" tried to convince us to join them in going into the giant sketchy ass portal to the world full of fucked up creatures, like what looked to be 6 giant ants merged with a piano.

.

"Look, most of what I'm wearing has cephalopods on it, but that (in reference to the cult) is way too much tentacle even for me."

.

"That was a successful fight!"

"I stabbed more friends than foes."

.

My anatomy skill came in handy in the last mod all because, instead of fighting, I was able to run around and quickly tell if someone was down because they're bleeding or down because they're sleeping

Hence, me stabbing more friends than foes, because surprisingly, people wake up when stabbed :D

.

*notices someone carrying someone else and runs over*

"Is he asleep?"

"Yes"

"Why don't you just bypass his armour then?"

"What? How do you do that?"

"Bypassing armour 1, Bypassing armour 2, Bypassing armour 3, 1 body."

"ARG! WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE ELBOW!"

.

I was reading in my cabin after tripping and hitting my head hard in the last mod (because my head was pounding and I didn't feel up to being a people, but was bored of sitting in the dark because Ow. Lights hurt.) When I hear someone get on the porch of the cabin, and as soon as they opened the door I said "hello", fully expecting it to be the amazing human who I was sharing the cabin with, or a medical Marshall checking in, but as soon as they heard me, they closed the door and jumped off the porch.

I wasn't getting off my bunk to go check (i was technically out of game on medical hold so it really didn't matter at all at the time) so I just figured it was my cabin mate who saw the lights were on and didn't know I was in there until I spoke up, since I'd been in there for ~an hour before I turned the lights on.

I asked him when he came in for the night and turns out it wasn't him, but there had been a theif running around

.

"Hey"

"Hello, I am slightly concussed."

"Ouch. I don't think I am?"

.

Waking up in the middle of the night, wide awake, head still pounding, to see someone silently standing over my bunk mate and promptly deciding: not my circus, not my monkeys.

I did silently watch until the person had left, though. Just incase.

.

Literally 5 minutes later, someone burst into our cabin asking if we were okay because it turns out there was a death rouge running around.

I also discovered that my bunk mate was awake for all of that.

.

I found out in the morning that since they hadn't seen either of us for a couple of hours and didn't know I was on medical hold, so technically could just tell monsters to fuck off, that they'd thought that the death Knight had killed us and wanted to make sure we weren't dead.

Which was kinda sweet lmao

.

Also, doppelgangers.

So many dopplegangers.

.

While we were getting ready in the morning, I told one of the people that was npcing the day before as a doppelganger that A: they looked like they were having a lot of fun pretending to be someone pretending to be their character, and B: I was genuinely hoping that they'd succeed in getting me through the portal after they sleeped me, because yeah, there would have been consequences for my character, but the sheer chaos that it would have caused

They just laughed lmao

.

"Hey, you three, help me set up these wards"

"Sure."

....

"And..... done."

"Awsome. They're not wards. You all just helped with a ceremony of courage, and because you (me) were assisting, you guys get double your death count!"

"Okay then."

[aliveahahafuck]

Come get this dick-fil-a

[aliveahahafuck]

Bro I literally just remembered more:

Crabs spawned outside the tavern when I was standing on the deck, so when they went to go after me, who was just tryna enjoy my tea, I slipped inside and then closed the door

Issue is that this door slams if you even *think* about closing it

So everyone is now starting at me, then see the crab outside smacking the door, unable to get in due to lack of thumbs

"HA. Effective use of door."

This was immediately followed by someone charming the crab and turning the tavern into a crab betting ring as it fought the other crabs

"Does this count as a food fight?"

Not dnd, but dnd adjacent:

I went to my first ever larp game last weekend and I had a lot of fun, jeres just some of the live action chaos :D

I fell into a rose bush

Twice

My friend injured themself within like 5 min of getting there (queue mother hen for the rest of the weekend)

Pirates for DAYYYYYYYS

Seriously. There was at least 3 of us at any given moment.

Also 3 Aja. On that note:

"Cousin, why is your sister talking about eating a mysterious sticky substance" *queue the no eating monster goop intervention*

Trying to convince someone to sell their humility to a demon while someone else trys to convince them to sell their pride.

"I can swap your races. Hell, I'd do it for free because I want to see what'd happen."

Fae games that ended with our main alchemist losing all his memories of alchemy

Jousting

A staff (weapon) went missing

A wood elf got hit with a sleep spell orb thing and robbed. The spell was more expensive than everything they had on them lmao

Someone got chased all around the area by a mummy like a damn cartoon

"ILL MELT YOU DOWN AND TURN YOU INTO POTTERY" "20 TARGETED ELEMENTAL FIRE" "ARGH" "20 TARGETED ELEMENTAL FIRE" "AAAAAAAH"

Funeral rites for someone's forgotten pizza in the rez circle

He walked in as we were finishing the setup for the funeral rites

"NOOOO, MY PIZZA!"

Shooting the shit with people in the tavern when there's suddenly a face in the window over the shoulder of the person across from me

"OH, SHIT." "Fuck! Wait, it's just Octavia." *octavia mouths something* "What does she want?" "...OH! She wants me to go to bed so she can put up the protections. Night i guess." "Night."

"Is it beasteality if I(anthro alligator person) fuck a mermaid?" "Depends. Which end is fish?"

Alligator dude got sapped and his hat got stolen and he got chocolate nipples in exchange

On that note, I spent the entire weekend slipping chocolate coins into people's bags and pockets. I'm proudest of getting one in the bag of the person who's bag was always infront of them because they didn't notice untill after game when I told them (I'm not an asshole, and didn't want it to melt in there)

[aliveahahafuck]

Okay, but how did I forget to add these until literally a month later. Dead ass. Next game is tomorrow.

"GUYS. there's a dead body in the tavern." Said in a "nice day isn't it?" Tone.

And

A: "Okay, I consulted with X, and they say don't touch the body or anything attached to the body."

(everyone turns to look at the person holding the knife that *was* in the body, but now *isn't*)

B(not the person with the knife): "yeah. Little late for that."

Bonus:

(Friend and I are walking to the cabin)

Me: "Hey, look. Crabs."

(Crab walks up to us)

Crab: "Visibly hermit crab."

Friend: "Hiiii"

(Crab stares at us)

Crab: "one normal (damage)"

(Friend immediately dies)

Me: "God damit, (friends character)."

Not dnd, but dnd adjacent:

I went to my first ever larp game last weekend and I had a lot of fun, jeres just some of the live action chaos :D

I fell into a rose bush

Twice

My friend injured themself within like 5 min of getting there (queue mother hen for the rest of the weekend)

Pirates for DAYYYYYYYS

Seriously. There was at least 3 of us at any given moment.

Also 3 Aja. On that note:

"Cousin, why is your sister talking about eating a mysterious sticky substance" *queue the no eating monster goop intervention*

Trying to convince someone to sell their humility to a demon while someone else trys to convince them to sell their pride.

"I can swap your races. Hell, I'd do it for free because I want to see what'd happen."

Fae games that ended with our main alchemist losing all his memories of alchemy

Jousting

A staff (weapon) went missing

A wood elf got hit with a sleep spell orb thing and robbed. The spell was more expensive than everything they had on them lmao

Someone got chased all around the area by a mummy like a damn cartoon

"ILL MELT YOU DOWN AND TURN YOU INTO POTTERY" "20 TARGETED ELEMENTAL FIRE" "ARGH" "20 TARGETED ELEMENTAL FIRE" "AAAAAAAH"

Funeral rites for someone's forgotten pizza in the rez circle

He walked in as we were finishing the setup for the funeral rites

"NOOOO, MY PIZZA!"

Shooting the shit with people in the tavern when there's suddenly a face in the window over the shoulder of the person across from me

"OH, SHIT." "Fuck! Wait, it's just Octavia." *octavia mouths something* "What does she want?" "...OH! She wants me to go to bed so she can put up the protections. Night i guess." "Night."

"Is it beasteality if I(anthro alligator person) fuck a mermaid?" "Depends. Which end is fish?"

Alligator dude got sapped and his hat got stolen and he got chocolate nipples in exchange

On that note, I spent the entire weekend slipping chocolate coins into people's bags and pockets. I'm proudest of getting one in the bag of the person who's bag was always infront of them because they didn't notice untill after game when I told them (I'm not an asshole, and didn't want it to melt in there)

[aliveahahafuck]

Funny part about LARP that I never even considered is that you spend an entire weekend with the same people but by the next meet you have no clue who the fuck is who because you only learned their names, all 15 of them, about an hour before you didn't see them for a month

I literally had to ask someone who they played so that I could know who the hell I was chatting with because I only vauguely remember meeting them, but remember the characters fine

[aliveahahafuck]

Not dnd, but dnd adjacent:

I went to my first ever larp game last weekend and I had a lot of fun, jeres just some of the live action chaos :D

I fell into a rose bush

Twice

My friend injured themself within like 5 min of getting there (queue mother hen for the rest of the weekend)

Pirates for DAYYYYYYYS

Seriously. There was at least 3 of us at any given moment.

Also 3 Aja. On that note:

"Cousin, why is your sister talking about eating a mysterious sticky substance" *queue the no eating monster goop intervention*

Trying to convince someone to sell their humility to a demon while someone else trys to convince them to sell their pride.

"I can swap your races. Hell, I'd do it for free because I want to see what'd happen."

Fae games that ended with our main alchemist losing all his memories of alchemy

Jousting

A staff (weapon) went missing

A wood elf got hit with a sleep spell orb thing and robbed. The spell was more expensive than everything they had on them lmao

Someone got chased all around the area by a mummy like a damn cartoon

"ILL MELT YOU DOWN AND TURN YOU INTO POTTERY" "20 TARGETED ELEMENTAL FIRE" "ARGH" "20 TARGETED ELEMENTAL FIRE" "AAAAAAAH"

Funeral rites for someone's forgotten pizza in the rez circle

He walked in as we were finishing the setup for the funeral rites

"NOOOO, MY PIZZA!"

Shooting the shit with people in the tavern when there's suddenly a face in the window over the shoulder of the person across from me

"OH, SHIT." "Fuck! Wait, it's just Octavia." *octavia mouths something* "What does she want?" "...OH! She wants me to go to bed so she can put up the protections. Night i guess." "Night."

"Is it beasteality if I(anthro alligator person) fuck a mermaid?" "Depends. Which end is fish?"

Alligator dude got sapped and his hat got stolen and he got chocolate nipples in exchange

On that note, I spent the entire weekend slipping chocolate coins into people's bags and pockets. I'm proudest of getting one in the bag of the person who's bag was always infront of them because they didn't notice untill after game when I told them (I'm not an asshole, and didn't want it to melt in there)

[aliveahahafuck]

the LGBTQA resource center made a lil typo, i fixed it

*rolls eyes into oblivion*

[aliveahahafuck]

Having my monthly breakdown over Mollymauk because I’m only on episode 86 and I miss him so much

[aliveahahafuck]

List of resources for dnd

roll20: Make an account to play the game

Orcpub: For hosting and editing your character sheet

DND Wiki: Homebrew things, races, classes, misc

Players Handbook: Rules how to play how to make a character, all basic information for playing a game

Discord: to talk during and about the game

[aliveahahafuck]

i love when a character has something terrible happen to them and as a result they see themself as, essentially if not literally, a ghost. and so that means they only can (and have to) do what ghosts do, ie get revenge and then cease to exist. easy as that. but then halfway through this ghost vengeance they realize hey actually i might still be a human person. with human needs. that’s incredibly inconvenient, considering how much i’ve invested in this whole ghost thing