#because that was a compulsion. that was a compulsion.

[lalalovezfrenchfriez]

I got diagnosed with “moderate” OCD in November 2024. I had been struggling with intrusive thoughts for years- since I could remember. I thought I was crazy- my own parents told me so, but that being afraid is also normal.

I thought I didn’t have it because well, I AM messy. I don’t regularly count things out loud. But after starting medication as prescribed, I realized I did a LOT more compulsions, needed more reassurance and counted than normal, than I expected of myself. Every time I take paper towels, when I tie my shoes, washing my hands. just usually a “nice” number in my head. My fears were more apparent as I started speaking about it in therapy sessions and how SCARED I was of everything, everyone, etc.

I highly suggest looking into OCD and how it impacts people. This comic has made me feel so seen, so happy to realize it’s normal to BE Obsessively Compulsive, and that I, you, we are not alone. :)

Greetings bugs and worms!

This comic is a little different than what I usually do but I worked real hard on it—Maybe I'll make more infographic stuff in the future this ended up being fun. Hope you learned something new :)

If you are still curious and want to learn more about OCD, you can visit the International OCD Foundation's website. I also recommend this amazing TED ED video "Starving The Monster", which was my first introduction to the disorder and this video by John Green about his own experience with OCD.

The IOCDF's website can also help you find support groups, therapy, and has lots of online guides and resources as well if you or a loved one is struggling with the disorder. It is very comprehensive!

Reblog to teach your followers about OCD

(But also not reblogging doesn't make you evil, silly goose)

[lusanchromchinnn]

Viago De Riva your Undiagnosed But Extremely Obvious OCD is fascinating and so so revealing of your character and motivations ohh my gosh. Like of course your obsession is poisons and being poisoned! I refuse to believe that growing up adjacent to the royal court wasn’t the driving force behind this because literally where else would someone hear so many stories of people succumbing to assassination by poison. I bet nobles were dropping like flies to the crows every day. I bet he saw his father’s food taster (we know he visited during Viago’s youth) and realised how truly possible it was to die from a bite of food. Bonus points if he actually witnessed a food taster keel over in front of him. Paranoia through the fucking roof as he researches poisons for years on end before he’s ever presented with the option of joining the crows. Maybe he only drank out of clear glasses he could hold up to the light. Maybe he insisted on preparing all of his own meals rather than let servants near his food, much to the chagrin of his mother. AND OH GOD HIS MOTHER.

We know she was an alcoholic, and that Viago hated her drinking, it scared him as a small child. But what if his mind won’t let him watch her sip a glass of wine without the image of it being her last. She could be a target as a mistress of the king, just as he is as a royal bastard. Perhaps he becomes the one who uncorks her bottles and pours her glass after glass, because he’d rather her drunk over dead. Of course, there’s the very real possibility she succumbs to alcohol poisoning, which is so ironic and so fucking sad. He pours her final glass and becomes what he fears most.

It’s a no-brainer that he joined the crows later on. Not only does it give him access to the poisons and antidotes he’s craved for years, but it gives him a sense of control. He’s making himself less of a target than his half-siblings (and it’s more socially acceptable for a crow to wear gloves constantly lmao). He’s so skinny because he refuses to eat unless he’s 100% positive his food is safe, checking and double checking even if he prepares it himself. He knows, logically, that his fears are unfounded, that he (or someone he trusts completely like Teia) made this dish, or poured this drink. But he needs to be sure, or his brain won’t stop screaming that he’s going to die! Right now! God forbid he’s proven right too, like with the adder in the wardrobe that he survived because of his doses of antivenom. I just knowww his compulsions got so much worse for a while after that, it was so cathartic and miserable for him. I understand this freak and his freak ways. What a guy, thank you Courtney Woods.

[werewolfetone]

The thing about the northwest passage is that it's too bad that all of those people died I guess but at a certain point hundreds of years of every british man ever compulsively running as fast as humanely possible to die horrifically in the arctic armed with ideas like "don't worry kitten there's no ice up there" over and over and over again no matter how many times it didn't work just because they were all really really keen to die for the stupidest colonial enterprise britain ever conceived of does become incredibly difficult to take seriously

[rottenpumpkin13]

Idk if you have done this before, but what type of drunk are the boys? Lazard, Tseng, Angeal, Genesis, Zack, Sephiroth, Kunsel, Reno, Lazard or whoever you are willing to grace us with? (Aka, who is the functional alcoholic, lovey drunk, willing to fight with anyone/thing drunk, sleepy drunk, touchy drunk, existential crisis core drunk, the drunk that holds conversations with walls, etc)

Drunk Sephiroth: Has absolutely no filter when drunk. He will info-dump. He will overshare about classified missions and SOLDIER info. He will state his opinions on things no one asked him about. He will corner strangers to talk about the ethics of artificial materia production. He will let "fuck Shinra" slip more than once. If they take their eyes off drunk Sephiroth for 2 seconds he's either a) in a state of sleep not even a meteor could rouse him from, or b) telling the nearest stranger all about how he first learned to swim and hold his breath for extended periods of time when Hojo dunked him in a mako tank when he was five.

Drunk Zack: Has a lot of love to give. Will befriend literally everyone and everything including inanimate objects. Has lengthy conversations with the wall because "oh so just because its inanimate it doesnt deserve attention?" Tries to pet every stray animal he sees while sobbing about how hard their lives must be. "Look at this kitty! It has no home! Angeal, it has no home! Can we keep it?" (it's Sephiroth). Forms deep emotional bonds with random objects, cradling a bottle like it's a newborn like "This is my best friend now." Drunk-dials Angeal every 10 minutes to tell him he's the best mentor ever and cries when Angeal answers like "I KNEW YOU'D PICK UP, YOU ALWAYS PICK UP!" Looks at Cloud and bursts into tears because "He's so small. I'll protect him forever!"

Drunk Angeal: Compulsive cleaner when drunk, to the point of absurdity. Aggressively wiping down counters at the bar with "I can't believe people live like this." Starts rearranging furniture at the bar, claiming it has "terrible feng shui." If Zack's got anything on his face, Angeal will grab a napkin and scrub like he's buffing a rusty sword. He has no boundaries either. Strangers get dusted off, tables get realigned, and if anyone tries to stop him, he responds with "Oh, I'm sorry. Am I ruining your trash heap aesthetic? Please, let me leave this spilled drink so the rats can move in." Ends the night cleaning the bar's industrial fryer while the staff begs him to stop.

Drunk Genesis: Becomes a text book theater kid with complete disregard for his surroundings. Any elevated surface is a stage, whether it's a table, a car, or Angeal during a piggy-back ride back to HQ. Uses materia and fire to "heighten the dramatic tension" during monologues, setting off every sprinkler system within a three-block radius.

Drunk Lazard: The composed Director transforms into everyone's wine aunt. Makes inappropriately accurate observations about everyone's personal lives while swirling his glass.

Drunk Tseng: The only indication they have that he's inebriated is that he'll approve absolutely anything put in front of him with a completely straight face. Has signed off on vacation requests for people who don't even work at Shinra. Weapons budgets for departments that don't exist? Signed. Reno wants to purchase a horse on a company card? Stamped and approved.

Drunk Reno: A hazard to both himself and everyone around him. He's the guy leaning heavily on whoever is closest, slurring compliments and flirting (unsuccessfully). Trips over flat surfaces but plays it off like it was intentional. Gets way too into darts and nearly takes out Rude's left eye.

Drunk Kunsel: Is never actually drunk around other people. Instead, he pretends to be drunk, slurring his words and stumbling just enough to sell the act, all to finesse gossip and classified intel out of everyone while they're too wasted to notice.

[aropride]

fascinated and distressed by chase's disordered relationship with sexuality + his emotions abt his own trauma & abuse

thru the beginning of the show he doesn't even realize he's hot despite being objectively attractive. when he finds out he's hot he then realizes people pretend to be interested in him as a person in order to have sex with him and gets super upset about it

he starts having a bunch of meaningless sex as a coping mechanism when cameron leaves him. and also a lot of other times. whenever something bad happens, basically, he starts going out with a bunch of women, just to feel something, presumably

^to the extent where hes known within the hospital as a slut. and has had sex with an insane amount of nurses. as well as presumably women who are not at his place of work.

he says doing this made him hate himself so he stopped. it's the b-plot for an episode and then he's back having meaningless sex again by the end of the episode

even his coworkers know this about him. and have called it out, masters even says she thinks he doesn't respect women bc, in her words, he's with a different one every few days or maybe he finds comfort in meaningless relationships

goes back to having meaningless sex within weeks of getting stabbed. which is really bad for wound healing reasons too. genuinely it seems like such compulsive behavior for him considering he keeps doing it even when its objectively not only a bad idea but actively dangerous

house even directly says he's "a serial slut" because he's "terrified of intimacy." incredibly accurate assessment

his relationship with his sexuality reads so heavily as someone who thinks they're not good for anything else

see also: dissociation & avoidance

we know he has a lot of trauma especially in childhood- he never really gets into it let alone into how he Feels about it but what we know is already bad & that's just the stuff he's okay with sharing with his coworkers or patients

in general he's very avoidant of his own trauma- when he gets stabbed he says he "can't change what happened, can only make better choices from here" as if it was his own fault, and refuses thru the whole episode to acknowledge that being traumatized by this would be a really normal reaction that he is definitely having. instead he just blames himself

also, he dissociates from traumatic things that happen to him - says "there was a stabbing" rather than "i was stabbed" for instance

when he's talking abt his childhood trauma he does it in a very similar way - he talks about it very bluntly and doesn't ever get into how he actually feels about it.

see also: dr. fawn response

general passive willingness to go along with anything- when cameron says they should have sex in s3 he's surprised and then he just kinda goes along with it. not bc he didn't want to bc he obviously did, but he's just generally very much someone who does whatever other people want him to do. i feel like he and cameron both tend to seek validation thru sex in an unhealthy way that i'm still gnawing on like a dog with a bone i have to go rewatch s3 to really articulate it though

he has a sort of desperation for praise and approval especially from anyone he views as an authority figure. he does whatever authority figures tell him out of this idea that it'll bring him approval and therefore safety

like no matter what house does or says to him he doesn't argue or retaliate or anything. even when house punches him he collapses on the ground in pain and then just keeps talking about the patient like nothing happened.

the scene in 3.10 after house punches him where he's in the ddx room and house walks in and throws the file at him and chase is startled and tries to pretend he's not. and he looks up with this huge fuck ass bruise on his jaw swallows heavily and pretends not to be upset. and house asks if he got that looked at as if he wasn't the one to give it to him and chase just swallows and says he's fine. dr fawn response :(

[luckykiwiii101]

Hi girl!!! It's bonecatch3r. I'm sending the ask as anonymous because bonecatch3r is a SIDEBLOG and since I don't have much experience on tumblr I'm not sure if it would show up as the main blog or not. anyway, sorry for not clarifying if the 3D actually conformed to those manifestations I told you about before, but these ones I'm sharing now actually happened;;;

- First of all, I was worried because my period was delayed. it already had been two months.... so I focused on the 4D and reassured myself that it would come. Few minutes later, it's there. Currently I'm having extreme cramps but at least I'm glad the period came lmaoo. might as well manifest pain relief.

- My parents agreed to pay for Clip Studio's annual plan. I'm an artist, so this was extra special for me. in fact it JUST happened, I'm writing this while shaking out of happiness.

- A friend of mine suddenly started to give me dry answers, so I imagined them acting normally again and went to sleep. when I woke up, I saw the notification and we are alright again.

- I don't have artblock anymore!!!!

- I don't have compulsions anymore. I used to overeat like crazy, now I'm healing from it 😋

Idk if there are more manifestations, as I mentioned before I'm so happy with the clip studio thing that I can barely think, LOL. Anyway, love your blog! ♡

SUCCESS STORIES

XOXO | GOSSIP GIRL | XOXO | GOSSIP GIRL | XOXO | GOSSIP GRL

These are great love!! And you’re an artist? That’s so cool! Congratulations!!♥️💋

[literaryvein-reblogs]

How to write a character’s dialogue where they make jokes a lot but have suicidal thoughts?

Philosophers such as Plato and Aristotle have been trying to explain humor since ancient times. Recent scholars have proposed several theories explaining the underlying mechanisms of humor:

Release Theory of Humor - the theory that people laugh out of a need to release pent-up psychic energy. In Sigmund Freud’s version of this theory, humor permits the expression of normally taboo impulses, and the energy it releases is that normally used in keeping such impulses out of consciousness.

Relief Theory - focuses primarily on the motivational mechanisms of interpersonal needs, positing that humor provides relief of tension. The authors describe this as akin to a hydraulic engine, with laughter serving the function of a steam pipe pressure valve. In this way, pent-up pressure is relieved through laughter. More specifically, the muscular and respiratory processes involved in laugher serve the important role of releasing pent-up nervous energy (Martin & Ford, 2018).

Incongruity Theory - believed to be the most influential humor theory, with some proposing that “incongruity is at the core of all humor” (Zhan, 2012, p. 95). This theory is intuitive, as a joke with an expected or obvious punchline is simply not funny. Instead, laughter occurs in response to unexpected punchlines or those that go against usual patterns (Wilkins & Eisenbraun, 2009).

The "Sad Clown" Trope - This character trope is the wisecracking funnyman who copes with his hopeless position with humor — usually of the groan-inducing kind.

He is totally insecure at heart and keeps on running his mouth to fool himself into thinking he's confident or to get people to like him.

In the most tragic cases though, people do actually find them genuinely charming and likeable because of their humor and like being around them.

This is usually of little comfort to the Sad Clowns, whose insecurities cause them to fear that people only really like the "Clown" part of them, and so they do their damnedest to always be the "Clown" in public, but bury and suppress the "Sad" side of them as deeply as possible, because they are afraid that people would like them less if they were to find out about it.

Often put in more serious series to add some comic relief, while at the same time secretly revealing to the audience that the character is a simmering pot of hidden insecurities and angst, just like everyone else in the cast.

Very commonly tragic Truth in Television, as it's actually very common for people afflicted with mental illnesses (especially Bipolar Disorder, anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, Personality Disorders, and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders for example) to actually have a great sense of humor.

It sounds contradictory, but mental illness isn't all sadness and darkness. One thing that is common to many people with mental illnesses is severe self-doubt about their value as a person.

Cracking jokes and making people laugh can help temporarily ease some of those feelings. Not to mention that humor is a very effective coping mechanism.

Examples: "Sad Clown" Trope

East of Eden offers this exchange about the stereotype of the Irish. Lee: "But the Irish are said to be a happy people, full of jokes." Samuel Hamilton: "There's y our pidgin and your queue. They are not. They are a dark people with a gift for suffering way past their deserving. It's said that without whisky to soak and soften the world, they'd kill themselves. But they tell jokes because it's expected of them."

Hector from Coco seems like a carefree, charming con-artist who just wants to go to the Land of the Living like everyone else on the holiday. Then it's revealed that he is a deeply tragic character who has been unjustly hated and separated from his family for decades, and all that energetic silliness was a front to cover up a lot of sadness and shame.

Homer Simpson is a pretty good example of this trope. Though he's usually fairly exuberant, he's attempted suicide at least three times in the series, and during the early seasons, was often shown to be insecure about the way he looks, not to mention the stress related to his job. In the modern episodes, Homer's childhood was revealed with his parents constantly fighting and his father taking out his frustration on him, bringing about Homer's constant eating habits.

Sources: 1 2 3 ⚜ More: Notes & References ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs

Considering some theories on humour, like those mentioned above, and studying the dialogue of characters that exhibit the "sad clown" trope (and other similar ones) might be used as inspiration for your character. You can read more examples here that I wasn't able to include in this post. Hope this helps with your writing!

[summertimesadnessirl]

Look, I'm sorry. I used to make 7 paragraphs of excuses pathologizing myself because all my friends and family were inconsiderate and thoughtless and selfish, too.

But then I started working for a real estate office.

And I saw how when people think they're going to get money out of someone

Suddenly they understand how to code switch and treat people on an individual basis and learn their signals and remember things that are important to them or make them feel bad.

Sorry, but we're a pack species and we actually are responsible for taking care of members of our pack.

That's why shunning used to be a death sentence before we invented psychiatric hospitals and the repackaged and resale of fringe subcultures and all that.

Because human beings die when you tell them that none of the other humans are responsible for them.

I'm not saying your friends and family should have to read your mind but if they don't actively work to make you feel safer with them the longer that they know you and actively work to notice signs and patterns and things that comfort you and things that indicate that you might not be okay, that's not your friend.

I bet the reason you're anxious is that other people have a long and storied history of expecting that emotional labor from you and not giving it back, and then it got so bad they hired some magazine writers to tell you that your brain is defective when actually it's just that people have gotten accustomed to dealing with you in a one sided way your entire life.

I bet you're real good at figuring out what other people are feeling and thinking and what they need. I bet you do it all the time, like, compulsively, like most anxious people. And I bet they let you do it. I bet it's something they like about you and call a good quality like being thoughtful or caring or conscientious until such time as it means that they might need to reciprocate that level of care.

Sorry. Everyone is responsible for everyone else. That's why it's basically impossible to opt out of society and go live on your own. Even if you manage to not need them, they need you.

If drugs work for you that's cool, if therapy helps, that's fine. But most likely just admitting that other people owe you just as much as you owe them and there isn't something wrong with you will help just as much, if you the people around you will let you get away with it.

Our society is full of people who pretend to be stupid to get out of doing the work of giving a shit about other people and you can decide it's too hard to know that and believe a lie if it helps you, too.

But I want those people to stop believing it, so I have to post about it.

[kit-kat-reader]

okay, so valgrace. It is, according to ao3’s most general and all-encompassing tag, the third most popular non-canon ship (regarding jiper as canon), Leo’s second most popular ship and Jason’s third most popular ship, and the tenth most popular ship. Also, it should’ve been canon.

I know, I know, unless you already ship it - why? Primarily two reasons.

Better representation

Nico was fantastic representation, but he certainly shouldn’t have been the first openly gay character. It caused the fandom to infantilise him and was, in the end, overall harmful to his character.

But what if he wasn’t the first? Tell me Leo doesn’t scream stereotypical bi disaster. As someone who is bi, I would’ve loved to see rep from Leo. Also, Jason could’ve been a better look into the whole compulsive heterosexuality to gay, because most of piper’s development on that front is off-screen.

More variety in romance

There are 4 relationships properly featured in the second arc. One is established already, one is established in one book, start to finish. Jason’s is not really a slow-burn and is doomed, leading to a sensation of disappointment/disatisfaction that didn’t really need to happen. Leo’s is mildly toxic and also quite short. Valgrace could’ve filled in as a slow-burn throughout the whole series instead of just a few books.

[sabos-husband]

★ No Gods, No Masters

Sabo x Reader ★

Revolutionary!Reader ~ Gender Neutral ~ Fluff

You're exhausted. Your feet drag all the way from the door to your dresser. You can't help but sigh. You barely tossed your keys to the counter while you kick off your shoes.

You grit your teeth, eyes falling shut. You sigh again, deeper this time. Your fingers are heavy and numb as they undo the zipper of your jacket. It hangs loosely on your shoulders as you reach to undo your work shirt.

You hear a throat clear. You open your eyes.

You meet wide eyes. Sabo's.

You refasten your collar's button.

"Hi, chief," you say drowsily. Sabo, who was previously stuck sitting at your desk, stands up quickly. The chair clatters when Sabo's quick rise almost tosses it. His cheeks are pink. "Hey— I know it's late, but.." He trails.

You must be really tired, because for a second, it almost looks like Sabo's face is getting pinker. It's cute. He's cute.

You slide your jacket from your shoulders, tossing it somewhere into the dark room. You walk closer to Sabo, whose stunned silence speaks for him, and reach over his shoulder. You can hear how tight his breathing gets when you grab the sweater on your desk. You step back, and Sabo breathes fully once again.

"Can I help you?" You ask.

Sabo slowly sits down again. "I just need the documents you compiled for Dragon."

"Oh, those. They need a breakdown for you to understand. Let me," you yawn, "shower, then I'll explain it to you. I just need.. Fifteen minutes."

Sabo starts to stand up. "It's fine, it was inappropriate for me to show up this late anyways. I'll just head—"

You shove Sabo down into the chair again. Your palm lingers on his chest. "Ten minutes."

Sabo's stiff under your hand. "Ten minutes."

You crack a smile. "I'll be out soon," you say with a gentle pat to Sabo's cheek.

Even after you had collected a pair of shorts with the sweater and a towel from your bedside before retreating to the bathroom, Sabo hadn't moved.

He stands up suddenly. He takes large strides to the door, freezes with his hand over the knob, then turns around to walk back to your desk. Soft flames dance on Sabo's palm to light his way.

Pens, scraps of paper, pages, thick books—all sorts of clutter swept across the crowded desk. It's almost impressive to be this messy, he muses to himself. He can relate, at least. A small candle catches Sabo's eye. He picks it up, lighting it before extinguishing his palm. Its gentle gleam illuminates enough for his eyes to begin adjusting.

He spends some time rifling through drawers, driven more by his nervous compulsion to move rather than a drive to be nosey.

It all shifts, however, when his eyes land on a letter.

Sabo sinks into the seat again. His hands almost shake when he brushes his gloved fingertips over its cover. In a thoughtful, swirling script, Sabo sees his very own name penned on its cover.

On the back, the letter was sealed close with blue wax. The chief curses to himself. He almost considers heating your letter opener to pry off the preserved seal and read it secretly, but then he hears the water shut off and he shoves the letter back. He panics.

Truly, the speed he moved at deserves applause. He can barely maintain a look of casual professionalism when he flips to a random page of a random book the moment you emerge from the bathroom.

Sabo almost drops the book when he sees you. You have a towel draped around his shoulders, damp hair letting droplets roll down your neck, and a significantly more lucid look to your eyes. The look, sharp enough for Sabo to start perspiring, falls to the book’s cover. “I love that one.”

Sabo looks over the top of the page for a title… Ah, there it is. A formerly-enslaved woman's memoir—he remembers seeing its title in a list of books banned by the World Government. Fitting for a revolutionary; fitting for you.

Speaking of you, Sabo looks up. "I've never finished it." Or started it, for that matter.

When he makes eye contact, you have an eyebrow cocked. Sabo flushes. In his defense, he was never really known for his subtlety. Or his interest in reading.

Sabo shuts the book, placing it over the letter he haphazardly tossed. "So, the report?"

You smile at him, too knowing for comfort, before grabbing the chair's arms. You tug Sabo over to the bed with ease, where you sit down on the mattress and swipes the report from your bedside table. "It's nothing too confusing," you hum, thumbing through the materials. "It illustrates the different actions from the other armies, what our informants in the Marines have been seeing, stuff like that..."

Sabo... Well, Sabo stops listening after that. Can you blame him!? The way you look up at him, making sure he's paying attention—Seas, he should really be paying attention—before smiling and looking down to scan the report. The way your tongue darts out to wet your lips...

So, yeah. There's no way in hell he'd pay attention.

It bites him in the ass when you look up with those pretty eyes of yours, looking at him expectantly. He blinks at you. "...What?"

You snort. "I asked if you had any questions."

"Oh-" Sabo shakes his head. "No, no, I- um, if I have any questions, I'll find you. In the morning." He reaches for the report.

With all your kindness, you don't call him on his shoddy bluff. You just hand over the papers with a sleepy grin. He tucks them safely into his coat as he stands from your desk chair.

"Well, this was a pleasure," and truly it was, "but I'll leave you to sleep now." He absentmindedly tugs at the lip of his glove before turning around.

"Ah- Chief?" You grab his wrist just before Sabo can make his escape.

The door's just so close. Your cool palm soothes the heat boiling under his skin. Sabo turns his head. "Yes?"

"The book," slowly, you mumble, "do you want to borrow it?"

The gentle moon filters through the drawn curtains. Paired with the candlelight, You look like an angel. It addles his brain. Sabo nods without thinking.

The smile he gets in response makes the entire night of heartache worth it.

He leaves the bedroom with a mediocre understanding of the report and an overwhelming feeling of warmth.

If he were any smarter, though, he would rifle through the book's pages and find a letter with the blue wax seal slipped between the introduction and first chapter.

[goosemixtapes]

max's october 2023 reads

weird reading month. lots of shortform articles/comics; lots of early modern english literature. also still experimenting with my format for these, so have a listening tab.

fiction

Edmund Spenser's Faerie Queene, books 3-4

the latter two episodes of What Happens Next comic

Epistolary by Sacha Lamb (again, for reasons of Got Sad)

Fresh Meat comic (cw for suicide and psychiatric hospitalization)

Something's Not Right by yves. @yvesdot (review + promo)

Edmund Spenser's Amoretti & Epithalamion (review)

Gregor and the Prophecy of Bane by Suzanne Collins (review)

Blankets by Craig Thompson (review)

Shakespeare's Coriolanus (again, + Janet Adelman's lecture "Anger's My Meat")

the first half of Lavinia by Ursula K. Le Guin

nonfiction

The Way We Weren't by Jules Gill-Peterson (↳ on hypervisibility and the history of passing)

Fiona: The Caged Bird Sings by Chris Heath (↳ fiona apple is the only celebrity i actually read about)

Can ChatGPT Do My Job? by yves @yvesdot (↳ on AI, book reviews, copyright, and capitalism)

Picture Limitless Creativity at Your Fingertips by Kevin Kelly (↳ linked in the former--on the potential of AI image generation)

The Ecstasy of Influence: A Plagiarism by Jonathan Lethem (↳ also linked in the former--on plagiarism, and one of the coolest things i've ever read)

Allies Behaving Badly: Gaslighting as epistemic injustice by Rachel McKinnon (↳ on allyship and 'allies' who refuse to believe you)

Debunking "Trans Women Are Not Women" Arguments by Julia Serano (↳ i knew a lot of this, but it's still a really good breakdown and a good link to have on hand)

the first half of Laziness Does Not Exist by Devon Price (the book, but i also recommend the article)

the first fourth of Down Girl by Kate Manne (rapidly becoming one of my favorite reads of the year)

The Spectre of Orientalism in Craig Thompson's Habibi by Nadim Damluji (↳ i haven't even read habibi but this was fantastic anyway)

"Half-Envying," from Reading and Not Reading the Faerie Queene by Catherine Nicholson (↳ delicious supplemental reading for class)

The Gaza Diaries via the Guardian (↳ not sure what to say about this one. very harrowing but very important)

The Landlord, the Tenant, and a House Fire in Milwaukee via ProPublica (↳ cws for child abuse and child death. extremely powerful piece of reporting that quite genuinely ruined my night)

listening

Mike Duncan's History of Rome, episodes 14-19

WordofGodcast, episode 2

Fiona Apple's Extraordinary Machine

Dorian Electra's Fanfare

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

Glinda really had an entire musical number expounding on the theme of "success in life is not about being highly qualified or even competent, but manipulating people's superficial perception of you." and then she went into POLITICS. truly the #girlboss representation the world has earned

[uncanny-tranny]

Part of harm reduction is recognizing that abstinence or sobriety, whenever these terms are applicable, is not the inherent goal for so many people. Forcing complete abstinence or sobriety can absolutely be detrimental, which is why we must not idealize either one or force it on people. It should be an option, yes, but that does not mean it is the only option or the only option worth pursuing.

[utilitycaster]

feel free to ignore if you feel like it's too theoretical/parasocial/etc. but: I see how the campaign as a whole is off because of how lack of prep influenced the cast to create somewhat unfit characters, but as someone who got immensely annoyed by this episode, I'm wondering why has that throughline carried out for so long. why haven't the cast decided to start playing their characters in a way that leads to a more cohesive and satisfying story? is the hesitation and bizzare opinions on gods a very dedicated RP choice or do you think the players themselves are also at a loss? I'm honestly very confused about that, given how driven and decisive they played VM and M9 during their oneshots. I don't want to feel like I'm singling anyone out to hate but e.g. the way taliesin plays caduceus vs ashton is particularly puzzling to me.

Hey anon,

This is all highly speculative (as, to be fair, was the original idea the cast was given very little information, and that turned out to be right) but I think it's the far-reaching consequences of that initial lack of prep combined with the fact that it's been a very central-plot focused campaign that failed to allow the characters to develop into more decisive people. It also, I think, centers the Ruidusborn such that I suspect a lot of the rest of the table is taking their lead.

The Mighty Nein, we know, involved a lot of prep with Matt specifically offering feedback and vetoing certain aspects. Every character came in with pretty clear goals, and because it was a character-driven campaign we got to see those goals change as they learned more: Caleb and Fjord notably abandon their original goals in favor of new ones. Veth and Caduceus achieve theirs; Jester as well, and she develops new ones as she becomes less sheltered. Beau and Yasha's exact goals were much more nebulous, but they have the opportunity to confront their pasts at length and find new purpose and peace throughout the narrative. I don't think it's productive to rehash everything every time but: lack of pre-existing long-term relationships and more work on the short-term friendships that existed, the fact that Beau and usually Molly due to Yasha's absences (and later Caduceus) were free agents who didn't know anyone prior to their meeting, and the fact that the party had like 2 gold to their name and had to double up in odd configurations plus their willingness to engage in conflicts led to a fairly quick and deep bond, which also influenced their goals and dynamics.

Vox Machina were initially very generally sketched out characters, but after they began doing more there was a similar effort put into to backstories, and I think going back after they'd already played a bit meant they knew more about who they wanted these characters to be. The pre-stream plot, as we can tell from the origins comics, was also heavily backstory focused; the Briarwoods arc is when most people feel the streamed campaign really takes off.

We have seen the backstories of the characters of Bells Hells, but a lot of them are deeply tied into a long-running main plot that doesn't really allow for the same development over time. Like, Percy, for example, actually does his "plot" about quarter of the way into the campaign; but this kickstarts his development. Fjord is rather similar; he learns the source of his powers quite early on, but grapples with them until the halfway point and then the rest of the campaign is him embracing something new. To compare, I suspect Laura envisoned Imogen's story as being not dissimilar in the sense of "learn what my powers come from, find a way to better control or perhaps get rid of them" and so upon finding out this is the lynchpin of the entire plot, Imogen never has that post-resolution time to cook, essentially. Even for those who had slightly more rewarding plot beats they kind of felt like "let's address this problem so we can get back to the moon stuff" (Chetney, Laudna) and in some cases, I think it felt to the players, rightly or wrongly, like those plots were actively rushed to the point that they couldn't explore them (I suspect this happened for Ashton during the solstice split). There's been a hurry-up-and-wait sense of urgency over the whole campaign because it's a plot that was introduced very early and has never let up. There's been no "what do we do" type breaks and I'd be shocked if there are. We've sort of run out of plot because we've speed run everything that would have been a plot in a different campaign.

So I think the players don't know how to evolve their characters because there's been no in-world impetus to evolve, really. Now, as someone who prefers to play people who are already decisive, the fact that most of the cast went for kind of indecisive/impulsive types isn't my bag, but that is valid; but it means no one's really had the chance to organically move from that.

I also think that the fact that there's one big plot that really centers the ruidusborn is another factor. Even if Orym, for example, were the type to shut down the party, what is one person who can't reasonably stop two spellcasters from going into the Hallowed Cage going to do? I think this post makes a good point; I think putting the pressure very heavily on two players who (very understandably! for a number of reasons!) are among the most averse to making a hard and potentially alienating or unpopular choice has sort of prevented anyone else from taking a wild swing. The other campaigns had a much more even distribution of who could make decisions within the party, and I think that reflects that. I also think this is uniquely an issue for longform campaigns; I haven't seen this hesitancy from Laura nor Ashley in Candela, Downfall, nor in the various Daggerheart one-shots and miniseries, since you have to swing big there.

I do want to cover one point specifically, which is that I actually find Ashton to be one of the better played characters. I disagree with them, to be sure, but like, Caduceus is a character who can be arrogant in his fairly limited worldview, but who is also consistently very empathetic and kind. Ashton has that arrogance, but without those priorities. Caduceus isn't really invested in hurting those who hurt him; he's interested in stopping those who would hurt his home, family, or friends, and if that requires hurting them he's okay with that. Ashton really does want to beat up those they deem responsible for their own pain, justified or not. I think taking the shard was a great move and stand by that [though, admittedly, it and the bit about Predathos needing a vessel just now have me like. the consequences have been conveyed in a crystal clear manner to ME and somehow the cast is not getting Matt flat-out saying in game THIS IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN, so idk what's up with THAT.] and my issues stem specifically from his decision to claim to speak for the weak and then immediately accept the titans saying that a remade world in which only the strong survive is fine. Like, I don't think there is a problem in how Caduceus is played vs. Ashton, in that I think they are both internally consistent as characters; I think it's just. Caduceus is someone who tries to make decisions that minimize broad harm to that which he deems good, and Ashton is often, by their own admission (episode 78), selfish and conceited. Like, Taliesin is just. Playing someone who is often not a great person this time. And that's a valid choice. But I think it's in a narrative that didn't really permit enough time and space for characters to change meaningfully so Ashton is a bit stuck there whereas, while Caduceus didn't have nearly as much of a gap between who he already was and the hero he needed to be, he had far, far more room to grow.

[charon-cries]

when OTHER people try to distract or comfort themselves, they call it "coping" and "self-soothing," but when i do it, it's a "mental compulsion" and "you have OCD"

[homehauntsyou]

i like to think there was a period of time where sam had to say the lord's prayer every single night and couldn't fall asleep until he did because he thought dean and/or john would die if he forgot