#because that shit is an evil villain hq

[surrealisticcereal]

gandalf: i can't believe saruman would betray us

saruman: having the evilest looking tower thing that ever evil towered

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 340: Now Where Were We

Previously on BnHA: Deku and Iida were all “hey Mei, I know you don’t have a lot of spare time in between constantly launching yourself at people boob-first, and singlehandedly MacGuyvering U.A. into the fucking Death Star, but we were wondering if you could lend us a hand in fixing our costumes.” Mei was all, “sure thing, here’s an upgraded pair of Movie 1 Gloves for you, anyways off you go and have fun saving the world!” Mt. Lady was all, “can you kids keep a secret?? so uh, just between you and me, I’m not a real teacher, and I’m not actually sure what I’m doing here hanging out with you guys right now.” Class 1-A was all, “don’t worry, your secret is safe with us Mt. Lady, well anyways time to assemble our CLASS 1-A SEARCH SQUAD!” The chapter ended with A BUNCH OF DIFFERENT PEOPLE getting ready to DO and/or TALK about A BUNCH OF DIFFERENT THINGS. Classic cliffhanger ending. lol this chapter really did not hold up on a re-read. I’m so sorry BnHA 339. You meandered so that future chapters could hopefully get to the damn point already.

Today on BnHA: All Might is all “time to reveal our shocking and completely unpredictable battle plan of splitting up all the villains for more easily digestible mini-boss battles, using our newly acquired trump card, the handy dandy U.A. traitor!” Aizawa is all, “[cracks knuckles] time to drop some motherfucking love and compassion onto my traumatized student in order to talk him into doing this INSANELY DANGEROUS TASK for us, except that somehow I manage to do it in a way that’s genuinely moving and heartfelt and somehow not manipulative at all lol.” Shinsou is all, “hello, it’s me, making my miraculous return after three whole years of plot inactivity, so anyway what have I missed.” Well shit. Glad I’m not the only one, Shinsou.

---

(just a handful of quick notes here since it’s been a while! (1) as always, these are my completely blind first-time-reading reactions to the chapter. (2) as of today, I am very much NOT caught up with the manga, but will keep you posted on my progress. currently I have read up to chapter 340, a.k.a. this chapter right here lol. and (3), I have been spoiled about one major thing (explained more in depth here) which will happen later in the series, and while there are no detailed references to said spoiler in this post, there ARE a couple of vague throwaway lines because I have absolutely no self-control. so just giving you guys a heads up for that! if you absolutely don’t want to risk getting spoiled, I would highly recommend catching up with the manga first before reading any further.

anyways, onward!)

OH MY GOSH IT’S SOME BUILDINGS!!!

WHAT A THRILLING WAY TO KICK OFF MY FIRST NEW CHAPTER OF BNHA IN ELEVEN MONTHS. TRULY HIT THE GROUND RUNNING

lol they literally just thumbtacked a handwritten “LOV/PLF COUNTER-FORCE HQ” sign on a wrinkled piece of paper next to the door. how far we have fallen from the days where the heroes were holding their war councils in huge NASA ground control rooms filled with hundreds of TV screens

okay good, at least they went out and recruited Hawks to be one of the people presumably planning this whole thing

one of only two people (the other being Momo) whom I actually trust to be able to come up with a reliably smart plan. fingers crossed this turns out better than his last big Ultimate Hero Final Battle Plan, though!

interesting! I assume they do still know about the whole Aoyama situation though, seeing as they even told Mt. flippin’ Lady lol

OH MY GOSH, RAGDOLL? heck yeah. great to see her finally back in the thick of things again. even if she can’t participate in the actual battle, she’s still a fucking hero goddammit

wow this entire next page sure is something

“every pre-cat-ion” breaking news, we’ve just been informed that there is a warrant out for Caleb Cook’s arrest

MEOW

MYEAH?

NOT YOU TOO, HAWKS

EVIL MEOW

I know that last part is just her randomly tacking her cute dattebayoisms onto the end of this entirely unrelated sentence, but unfortunately the damage has already been done. now all I can think about is the League of Villains out there rampaging in the streets and meowing menacingly at people

anyway, so on to the planning and stuff

lmao wait, what

DID YOU PAINT THESE BY HAND, ALL MIGHT?? DID YOU BUY THEM LAST MINUTE ON ETSY AND PAY A FORTUNE IN EXPEDITED SHIPPING. surely it must be the latter. but can you just imagine All Might sitting at his kitchen table at 3am, hand-painting a refrigerator magnet to look like an adorable chibified version of HIS MOST HATED ENEMY

hmmmmmmmmmmmm

I’m actually on the fence about this lol. I mean, it makes sense on paper. lord knows they had enough trouble taking on just one massively overpowered final villain, so who even knows what would happen if they added a second one to the mix

but the problem with the “just take them down separately” plan is that it means they’ll also have to split up their OWN forces, which are already heavily depleted. not to mention that the BnHA heroes are always at their best when they’re all fighting together. so anyways, yeah, I’m not too sure about this

so blah blah blah, Tomura is now stronger than crusty!potato!AFO, big surprise. and they’ve also figured out that the two AFOs can communicate with each other via radio waves or whatever. okay yeah, but doesn’t that mean that even if you do split them up, they’ll still have a big advantage? unless you figured out some way of jamming their telepathy somehow

“should they attack together, we have no hope of victory” lol if you say so. I’m pretty sure all of the U.A. kids combined with all of the remaining A-list heroes could hold their ground fairly well, but clearly I’m not supposed to be questioning the authority of this statement so ALL RIGHT THEN

OKAY BUT DOESN’T THIS JUST PROVE MY POINT THOUGH

“if they’re so powerful together then why didn’t they team up against S&S?” “because they definitely would have definitely lost.” ????????

anyway so now All Might is saying that they need to separate TomurAFO and Potato AFO (PotAFO, if you will) by at least 10km. so is that the max range of their telepathy or something then? that’s so oddly specific though

“oh and we also need to split up Dabi from them as well” ah okay lol, I see where this is going. it’s finally time for the final battle, meaning we need to assign each of the main characters to their personal final villain, yeah? great. awesome. except that they only JUST got reunited all together as a class again sob. you’re really going to do this to me again now?? just like that?? goddammit

LMAO I completely forgot that Nao’s right hand man is an actual literal fucking cat

oh my god. what I wouldn’t give to have seen his reaction to all of those puns and MEOW shenanigans from a few minutes earlier. just standing there in the corner with a disapproving frown. “I’ll have you know I find this all very demeaning and culturally insensitive” sorry about that Sansa

anyway so now All Might is all “YEAH EXACTLY, WE HAVE TO DIVIDE AND CONQUER ALL OF THE VILLAINS ONE ON ONE! WHAT DO YOU THINK WE SPENT ALL THAT TIME PAINSTAKINGLY BUILDING THEM UP FOR?? IT’S THE FINAL BATTLE FOR FUCK’S SAKE, WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU HAVE US DO, MAKESTE” okay okay fine I’ll shut up now, geez

oh shit lol

somehow I momentarily forgot all about Aoyama. possibly because I haven’t seen him in eleven months!! so this is where we’re finally going to get into the nitty gritty of that “let’s use Aoyama to set a trap” plan that Aizawa shamelessly stole from Kaminari all those moons ago

All Might is all “it’s actually pretty messed up of us to be using this poor boy when he’s already basically spent his entire life being exploited and manipulated by people” and he’s not wrong though, damn

but Nao is all “very true, but to be fair this is the literal apocalypse, and he did technically make his own bed, and also our backs are REALLY against the goddamn wall here,” which is also true. still leaning more toward All Might’s side in spite of that, though. poor Yuuga

OH SHIT, SPEAKING OF???

OH DANG

do they really have to keep him tied up like that?? he’s just a kid for fuck’s sake. and it’s not like they aren’t capable of handling things if he does try to escape, I mean this is Aoyama we’re talking about here, he’s not exactly an all-powerful criminal mastermind

man they both look so fucking sad. Yuuga looks so ashamed. this is every 1-A child’s worst fear. they can go toe to toe with the scariest villains out there and not be fazed. but a disappointed dad??? have mercy, sweet jesus

“so after going back and forth on it a bunch, we finally decided that he’s probably not going to blow up.” thanks for the update, doc. meanwhile I just had a completely unrelated thought about certain spoiler related things, oh fuck. but now is not the time to start speculating about that! not when we have the world’s saddest detention session unfolding right before our eyes

Aizawa Shouta is sitting here wearing an eyepatch and a hospital gown and probably hasn’t showered in like three days, and despite all this he is STILL somehow the hottest character in BnHA and it’s not even close

okay but there are like a thousand reasons why the threat of imminent murder would be infinitely more useful than an actual murder, though. like this doesn’t really make any sense. “why would AFO bother to threaten Aoyama if he could simply blow him up if and when he betrayed him?” uh, gee, maybe because he would much prefer if Aoyama didn’t actually betray him in the first place?? what, do you think U.A. traitors are so fucking easy to come by? in this economy??

awwww

I mean, of course he is? :( man, and now I’m wondering if there’s been a single day since his enrollment at U.A. that Aoyama has not spent being constantly terrified about a whole damn slew of things. this poor fucking kid. Horikoshi please be kind to him oh my god

oh my god, yes, exactly

he’s afraid that deep down he’s a bad person. he’s afraid that AFO will kill him. but interestingly, what he’s most afraid of, is BEING afraid. he’s afraid that if the others put their trust in him again, that when push comes to shove he’ll still be too cowardly to do what’s right

talk about ironic though. because to me, that’s a sentiment that basically confirms that he does have the heart of a hero deep down. I’m telling you guys, every single time you show me a character who is flawed and afraid, but is trying so hard to overcome their fears, and trying with all their might to become better, you will reel me in hook, line, and sinker every. single. time. seriously, how could you possibly not root for this kid now

OH MY GOD YUUGA NO

holy shit. hey Horikoshi, this is me, a certified angst-lover, asking you to tone it down just a little here, goddamn. yes we get it, he is tormented by years’ worth of accumulated fears and regrets and feelings of worthlessness and he doesn’t see any way that things can possibly get better, holy shit, we get it okay??? THIS IS MY FIRST CHAPTER IN ELEVEN MONTHS! THIS SHOULD BE AN OCCASION OF TRIUMPH, SO WHY THE HELL ARE YOU OUT HERE MAKING ME CRY

HOLY SHIT

somehow I forgot just how utterly ruthless this man is capable of being for the sake of his students. this is a dude who literally expels kids on a regular basis just to put the fear of god into them. also he is seriously so goddamn hot. it’s straight up ridiculous

oh wow this whole page just came straight for my heart

Yuuga’s fear as he tries to talk himself into what he fully believes is a suicide mission. Aizawa’s blunt assessment of the heroes being no less ruthless than the villains when their backs are to the wall. but then the way he just HITS him with that “you’re still my student and I’m still your teacher” line, and how he says it with such finality. and then the face Aoyama makes in response!!

OKAY, WOW

ABSOLUTELY NONE OF THIS IS FAIR YOU KNOW!! YOU CAN’T JUST HIT ME WITH THIS BRUTALLY SIMPLE PANEL OF THE TWO OF THEM JUST SITTING THERE WITH ALL OF THE OTHER VISUALS STRIPPED AWAY SO THE FOCUS IS ENTIRELY JUST ON THEM, AND WITH THE WALL BETWEEN THEM ALSO SYMBOLICALLY REMOVED JUST LIKE THAT

AND YUUGA BEING SO SMALL. AND AIZAWA BEING SO STRONG AND SAFE AND STABLE AND FIRM, AND HIM HAVING SUCH UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND COMPASSION FOR HIS STUDENT DESPITE EVERYTHING. “FUCK THAT, YOU’RE GONNA HAVE A HAPPY ENDING BECAUSE I FUCKING SAID SO AND I’M YOUR SENSEI AND THAT’S FINAL.” okay yep. tears coming now. thanks a lot, Horikoshi. wow. just wow

lol I truly believe that if Horikoshi ever did truly try to kill off one of the 1-A kids, Aizawa would literally come to life and emerge from the pages and straight up murder him

welp. there you have it. absolutely no room for argument there. SENSEI SAID YOU’RE GONNA LIVE, YUUGA, SO I GUESS YOU’LL JUST HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT!

fsdljkf

yep. that’s right. deal with it. dlfkj don’t mind me I’m just gonna sit here dissolving into sobs again

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS WARM FOND EXPRESSION GODDAMMIT

I AM ALREADY A PILE OF MUSH, HOLY HECK!! CAN I LIVE. CAN YOU JUST LEAVE ME BE HERE ALREADY HOLY SHIT

wait what

uh. the path of “none of you problem children are allowed to die on my watch, are we fucking clear on that”? that path?? or the path of marching headfirst into very real danger because they have no other choice, because they’re one of the lynchpins in the heroes’ desperate plan? because that latter path is one that I’d prefer to have as few children walk as possible, ngl

-- OH MY GOD

“HELLO, SHINSOU HERE” UH, EXCUSE ME, MISTER, DON’T YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY TO ME? AFTER BEING MIA FOR LIKE A HUNDRED AND TWENTY CHAPTERS AND FOUR AND A HALF ARCS?? YOU’RE JUST GONNA HANG HERE FROM THIS FUCKING TREE ALL NONCHALANT, WITH YOUR FANCY NEW HERO COSTUME AND YOUR SPIDER-MAN POSE THAT YOU STRAIGHT UP RIPPED OFF FROM YOUR DAD?? WHILE SAID DAD SITS THERE CHUCKLING OVER HIS “NEVER FEAR, WE’RE TOTALLY PUTTING SHINSOU IN AMPLE DANGER AS WELL” REVEAL? “DON’T WORRY AOYAMA, WE’RE NOT JUST RISKING YOUR LIFE, WE’RE RISKING MULTIPLE CHILDREN’S LIVES, BUT WE’RE DOING IT ALL TOGETHER AS A FAMILY” truly the most heartwarming of sentiments lmao

well damn. that hype and anticipation is definitely starting to build now. I am so damn fearful for all of these fictional kids’ safety, especially now that I’m watching the War arc play out again in the anime and remembering just how brutal it was. but at the same time I can’t deny that I’m super excited to see the culmination of everything. like, this is IT, though. this is THE moment, THE battle. no more safety arcs. no more training. we are done holding back, and that is as terrifying as it is exhilarating. I am so not ready for any of this, but IT IS HAPPENING WHETHER I LIKE IT OR NOT, so I guess I’ll just do my best to enjoy the ride

-- oh and lastly, I almost forgot. before we wrap up, there’s just one last thing I wanted to add here...

so it begins.

[animatedjunkfood]

I’ve got a headcannon I'd like to present to the class ~ Zavok is wary of Tails.

I wouldn’t say he’s scared because that’s not the way Zavok rolls, but like, when he pulls up with the Zeti to start trouble and sees Tails he just kinda goes ‘oh shit, not this guy’

It’d be a worthy reaction considering the impacts Tails has made in all of their confrontations so far, both in the games and IDW comics...

Like, imagine the Zeti’s perspective in Lost World:

You have a whole evil scheme going and things are looking good. There’s this one annoying blue rat running around but you’ve got a plan ready to take care of the nuisance. Only, his weakling tagalong interferes and now you have a fox and a problem but its fine, you can work with this.

Deviously, you turn the enemy’s closest ally into your mindless slave which gets you double the points for forcing Sonic to hold back while simultaneously hurting his feelings. But then, the fox is like “Psych!” because he was faking being brainwashed the whole time and it’s kinda alarming how easy he found it to fool you considering that just earlier you were outplaying a maniacal super genius.

Anyhow, a perfectly good world-killing plan ruined all because you got a little sloppy with the details, but whatever. You can just try again another time.

That leads us into the Zombot Arc:

While Tails doesn’t stand out so much this time because you hopped in halfway through to take the reins, he did contribute to your downfall by outwitting Zomom (with Amy) and taking back one of the chaos emeralds. Rather, what’s more important is that another mad scientist, Doctor Starline, tries to trick and control you like Eggman and also fails like he did. Starline tries a second time in the ‘Villains’ mini series (and fails again) which further cements that Tails is the only one so far that has successfully rug-pulled Zavok.

Then, the last appearance of the Zeti at the moment, the assault on Restoration HQ:

Sonic in grasp, the fight is practically over, but then Tails pops in again out of nowhere with devices that incapacitate your entire crew! Despite the sudden change of events you’re able to avoid the weapon and get the situation back under control. Sonic’s already taken a beating and this fuzzball is no match for you. You know the kit is crafty after last time on Lost World but you also can tell he’s just putting up a desperate last struggle when he picks a physical fight against someone who easily outclasses him.

It’s over. Both ‘heroes’ are trapped in your claws. Except, the fox had one last device hidden under his tails and had been goading you to get close enough so that you wouldn’t be able to dodge!

Tails directly takes out Zavok this time and for those counting how many folks have tried and succeeded in baiting the Zeti, that leaves the score at -

  Eggman: 0   Starline: 0   Tails: 2

After being the only person known to make a fool of him (twice-over) and playing major parts in two of his three losses against Sonic, it’d be stranger if Zavok didn’t acknowledge how much of a threat Tails can be.

[cartoonfanaticmonsterrobotalien]

Solar Opposites in: Ultra Opposites: “Battle for Earth Pt. 1” (by @avaveevo)

On a strong night, Ophelia came across a small grave yard and sees a name on it. Ophelia chuckles.

Ophelia: picks up the grave Hello Sisto…

We then cut to the Solars' house where Korvo is practicing to sing Lighthouse by GRL at the concert.

Korvo: singing So if you need me, just call out my name We ain't ever scared, no we're not afraid Whenever, whatever, know I'm down for life I'm your ride-or-die.

Terry: Amazing singing honey.

Korvo turns to see Terry and blushes.

Korvo: Aw thanks honey. kisses Terry on the cheek

Phoebe MacCarthy: Nice singing buddy.

Terry: You nervous for the concert?

Korvo: No. I think I got it in me. Plus, you’ve been doing a nice job and… suddenly sees an orange glowing mark on Terry’s arm

Terry: What?

Phoebe MacCarthy: What’s wrong Korvo?

Korvo: Terry, you have a glowing mark

Korvo: Terry, your arm.

Terry: What?

Terry looks at the mark and gasp.

Terry: Holy shit! Is this a Mundane thing?!

Korvo: I don’t know. We should ask AISHA to scan you before the concert.

Terry: Okay.

Later at the lab, AISHA grows amazed after scanning Terry.

AISHA: Incredible!

Terry: Really? What does the glowing mark means?

AISHA: It means you have the power to become a Mega Mundane.

Terry: A mega mundane?

Phoebe MacCarthy: What's that?

AISHA: It’s when a Shlorpian who is half Mundane become a giant but much stronger Verizon of themselves when feeling overwhelmed and some word cause them to reach their breaking point.

Korvo gasps.

Terry: Well that’s good. Because, I’ve been in control of my form and no hurtful word has been heard or gotten to me lately. Maybe with a little practice, I can be fine.

Korvo: I know you are darling. kisses Terry on the lips

Terry: Besides, nothing is gonna ruin this concert. There hasn’t been any villain attacks, so I think we’re gonna do great.

Meanwhile with Cherie and Montez.

Cherie: You see anything honey?

Montez: No. Nothing at all?

Cherie: Thank goodness. Let’s still make sure no villain is-

Suddenly an evil laugh is heard. Suddenly, Sherbet ran up to them in a panic!

Sherbet: Guys! Guys! The unbelievable thing has happened!

Cherie: What's going on?

Sherbet: Guys! You are not gonna like it! But, she is back!

Montez: Who's back?

Sherbet: SISTO!

Cherie and Montez gasp. We then cut to the concert.

Sonya: help put makeup on Korvo I think you’re gonna do great Korvo.

Korvo looks at himself in the mirror and gasps.

Korvo: Oh my gosh. Sweetie, you did amazing.

Sonya giggles.

Sonya: Thanks. suddenly sees Marissa

Korvo notices Marissa too and gasps.

Korvo: Oh hello there fellow traveler. Need any assistance?

Miss Frankie: Hello there.

Marissa: Uh hi?

Korvo: What bring you here?

Marissa: Uh, I'm just visiting I guess.

Korvo: Who are you looking for exactly

Marissa: Somebody named Terry?

Korvo: Okay, what for?

Marissa looks nervous.

Marissa: For a something. Where is he?

Terry arrives

Terry: Right here? sees Marissa Who are you?

Marissa: I'm Marissa.

Terry: Oh okay. What are you doing here?

Marissa comes up with a lie. Terry is shocked.

Marissa: Solar Flare, I need you and the other Ultra Opposites’ help.

Terry: What for?

Marissa comes up with another lie.

Marissa: Ophelia is after an ancient moonstone. She and her new unknown partner is gonna take it to destroy GeenaDavisville. We can’t let that happened.

Terry: Wait, she has a new partner?

Marissa: Yes. And if we don’t do something soon, Ophelia is gonna destroy it. So, come with me. Please.

Marissa: Yes.

Korvo: This is serious. The concert is gonna have to wait.

Sonya: So, you want us to come with you, Marissa?

Marissa: Uh, sure!

Terry: Well team, we got work to do!

We the cut to the Ultra Opposites HQ.

Terry/Solar Flare: Okay team, Marissa gave us a map! Shadow Lady, do you have the coordinates?

Miss Frankie/Shadow Lady: Yep. Right here.

Shadow Lady put the coordinates on the map and it shows the exact location where the moonstone is at.

Monica/Acid Girl: There it is!

Phoebe/Katana: Holy shit!

Principal Cooke/Super Cooke: It’s on top of Decay Mountain…?

Legendary Super Shlorpian recognizes the place

Miss Frankie/Shadow Lady: Yeesh. What the fuck is that place?

Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: That’s a place where someone whose heart has been hardened and scorned, it causes him or her to go to that place and want to make themselves dissapear

Terry/Solar Flare: How do you know that?

Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpain: I read about the library, it is a very dark place. That is kind someone wants to go to get away from him or her troubles.

Jesse/Electra: Why would Ophelia and her partner go all the way over there?

Yumyulack/Psylock: I don’t know. But we have to stop them! Let’s go meet up with Marissa!

Meanwhile at Ophelia’s fortress. An offscreen figure comes in and Ophelia senses her.

Ophelia: You did our task?

???: Yes. I did. Those heroes won’t know what hit them.

Ophelia: Good. Now, you know what to do. Let’s see if our new friend Echo can do when she meets them.

We then cut to where the Ultra Opposites and Marissa are.

Nova/Lady Roseus: So, Marissa, why are you helping us?

Marissa: Be careful and stay on track.

Miss Frankie/Shadow Lady: Um okay?

The Ultra Opposites finish climbing up Decay Mountain

Marissa: Now stay on track and-

Suddenly an evil laugh is heard.

Terry/Solar Flare: Uh, does anyone hear that?

Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: Yeah. I think it’s-

Suddenly, a familiar face appears in blazing orchid and magenta thunder. Sister Sisto, now known as Echo!

Sister Sisto/Echo: laughs evilly Hello Ultra Opposites!

Cherie/Agent Red and Montez/The Master: SISTO!

Lady Roseus gasps.

Nova/Lady Roseus: Sisto? No! It can’t be! Jesse killed you!

Jesse/Electra: What?! I did?!

Nova/Lady Roseus: Yeah, you stepped on her!

Jesse/Electra: Wait! She was the grape I stepped on?!

Yumyulack/Psylock: You thought she was a grape?

Jesse/Electra: Well to be honest, there was red and… oh shit. It was human blood. Was it?

Lady Roseus nods.

Sister Sisto/Echo: Yes! That was me! traps Psylock and Electra in electric ropes I should’ve known you Wallians would betray me and have join forces with Jesse and her pathetic family!

Legendary Super Shlorpian growls.

Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: Let go of our kids you bitch! What do you want with them?!

Echo laughs.

Sister Sisto/Echo: Revenge! That’s what! You see when I was chosen as a prophet, I decided to become head leader by killing Sister Sasha and stealing Cherie’s baby and rename her Jess-ius!

Solar Flare gasps and growls.

Sister Sisto/Echo: After I murder Sasha I know these stupid dumbass motherfuckers would want a fantasy! So I told them one about Jesse giving us our holy Jess-ius and that she is the child of this wall!

Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: You…tricked them.

Sister Sisto/Echo: laughs like a maniac You think I tricked them?! No no no! I SAVED them.

Solar Flare snaps.

Terry/Solar Flare: flares up while his eyes glow orange RELEASE MY KIDS, YOU MANIPULATIVE LYING MOTHERFUCKER!

Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: Terry, no! You’re-

Luckily, Sonya gives Terry a cool down as he calms down and Sonya flies up to Sisto bravely.

Sonya/Soarin’ Girl: Let go of my big brother and sister you monster!

Sister Sisto: laughs Who’s this dumb kid?

Jesse/Electra: Hey! Don’t talk my little sister like that you bitch! eyes starts glowing pink

Electra turns into her Mundane form and roars as she grows boobs

Sister Sisto/Echo: What the fuck?! I had no idea you could-

Mundane Electra attacks Echo.

Sister Sisto/Echo: Aaagh! growls Get off me you little fucking brat!

Psylock and Soarin’ Girl try to pull Mundane Electra off of Echo.

Sonya/Soarin’ Girl: Easy there sis!

Echo growls.

Sister Sisto/Echo: That does it! I am through playing games!

Yumyulack/Psylock: Not on our watch! eyes starts glowing purple

Psylock turns into his Super Shlorpian form and roars as Dark Matter blushes.

Daryl/Dark Matter: Damn honey.

Sister Sisto/Echo: What?! You two are half monsters?!

Mundane Jesse/Electra: That’s right! And you’re going down!

Sister Sisto/Echo: Bring it on!

As the other Ultra Opposites starts to fight Echo, Solar Flare then notices Marissa doing something and takes a peek at her. Solar Flare then notices something and gasps. He sees a mark on the map that look like Ophelia as Marissa sees him and quickly hides it.

Marissa: Oh hey, Solar Flare!

Terry/Solar Flare: Uh, what is on that map?

Marissa: Nothing!

Terry/Solar Flare: Uh, okay? But it looks like Ophelia’s symbol. Why is it on the map?

Marissa panics and runs off.

Terry/Solar Flare: Hmm?

Meanwhile with the other Ultra Opposites

Nova/Lady Roseus: Have this! Gift!

Lady Roseus uses her gift that made Echo enraged while Violet changes color and kick Echo to the ground.

Sherbet/Violet: Suck it!

Sister Sisto/Echo: Little brat! grabs Violet’s left leg and brings her to the ground as Violet screams

Nova/Lady Roseus: SHERBET!

Lady Roseus then goes mama bear and punches Echo in the face as she releases Violet. Echo growls and disappears.

Miss Frankie/Shadow Lady: Where’d she go?!

Sherbet/Violet: hugs Lady Roseus Thanks mom.

Solar Flare runs up to the Ultra Opposites.

Terry/Solar Flare: Guys! Are you okay?

Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: We’re okay, darling.

Terry/Solar Flare: Don’t worry. I’m sure we’re ready to fight Sisto!

Yumyulack/Psylock: And Ophelia?

Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: Yes. But for now we’re gonna have to regroup.

Nova/Lady Roseus: I’m sure we’ll be ready guys!

Agent Red is however having some doubts about it.

Cherie/Agent Red: Uh, are you sure you wanna do this Lady Roseus, you might get hurt.

Meanwhile at Ophelia’s fortress

Ophelia: So those fools are back?

Sister Sisto/Echo: Yes! And that Roseus punch the shit out of me!

Ophelia: Don’t worry. They’ll be taken care of soon enough.

Ophelia laughs easily. Then, the scene cuts to Agent Red and Lady Roseus talking.

Nova/Lady Roseus: Relax Cherie. We faced her once. We’ll face her again, this time together.

[AGENT RED]

Please don't tell me you're about to

Do what I think you'd do

[LADY ROSEUS]

You've heard the legends of the Island in the sky, this proves they're true

We're in the home of the wind god

[AGENT RED]

We don't know for sure

[LADY ROSEUS]

How many floating islands have

You seen before?

This is the home of the wind god

[AGENT RED]

And what's your plan?

[LADY ROSEUS]

I'm gonna climb to the top and

Ask 'em for a hand

[AGENT RED]

You could be caught off guard and

End up losing your life

Or piss off this god and

Cause a lot of strife

Don't forget how dangerous the gods are

[LADY ROSEUS]

Have faith, friend, we've come this far

[AGENT RED]

Yes, but how much longer til Your luck runs out? How much longer til the show goes south?

How much longer til we all fall down

You rely on wit, and people die on it, woah

[LADY ROSEUS]

I still believe in goodness

I still believe that we can be kind

Lead with the heart, and see what starts

Now let me depart with some peace of mind

[AGENT RED]

And what will we do when it tears us apart?

[LADY ROSEUS]

Where is this coming from, my friend?

[AGENT RED]

I just don't wanna see another life end

You're like the sister I

Could never do without

[LADY ROSEUS]

Yet suddenly you doubt that I

Could figure this out?

[AGENT RED]

Lady Roseus, how much longer til Your luck runs out?

How much longer til the show goes south?

How much longer til we all fall down?

You rely on wit, and people die on it, woah

How much longer til the snake breaks free?

How much longer til your great days cease?

How much longer til your

Strength takes leave?

You rely on wit, and people die on it, woah

After the song end, Agent Red smiles and realizes Lady Roseus is right.

Cherie/Red Agent: Okay. Let’s do this.

Nova/Lady Roseus: Really? You mean it?

Cherie/Agent Red: You’re right Nova. I’m sorry, I’m was just really scared losing one my best friends. But I know you’re also one of the brave ones too.

Agent Red and Lady Roseus hug.

Nova/Lady Roseus: Now let’s head back to the group. Together.

Meanwhile with Solar Flare and Legendary Super Shlorpian.

Terry/Solar Flare: Okay team, this is like a huge end game. We might be on a huge path to danger and we don’t know what’s gonna happen.

Nova/Lady Roseus: I-I can’t believe that Sisto is alive.

Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: So what do we do now?

Miss Frankie/Shadow Lady: Well, here is my suggestion. I think we should lose Lady Roseus behind, we should just leave her and fight Ophelia and Echo. She could get really hurt.

Terry/Solar Flare: I’m sorry but, I don’t think this is such a good idea. Nova is our friend and she is one of us. We don’t leave an Ultra Opposites behind.

Miss Frankie/Shadow Lady: Terry, we can’t do that! Nova is gonna get herself hurt if Ophelia and Nova comes after her. I know we love her but this is-

Suddenly, Solar Flare snaps with orange marks appearing around his body.

Terry/Solar Flare: WILL YOU STOP IT?! I JUST DON’T WANNA LOSE A FRIEND!

Shadow Lady starts to feel hurt by this and leaves, with the Master following her. The Legendary Super Shlorpian and the rest of the Ultra Opposites began to feel concerned about Solar Flare’s surprise rage and orange marks around his body.

Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: Oh Terry…

Jesse/Electra: I am horrified.

Principal Cooke/Super Cooke: Are you okay Solar Flare? This isn’t like you.

Kevin/The Flamethrower: Yeah and what’s with the orange marks.

Solar Flare is still angry.

Terry/Solar Flare: Oh, I’ll tell you what! I think Marissa is tricking us!

All: What?!

Principal Cooke/Super Cooke: What the fuck are you talking about?

Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: Terry, calm down.

Terry/Solar Flare: I saw Ophelia’s symbol on the map! She might be a double agent or something!

Kevin/The Flamethrower: What? But, she might be trying to help and might be a double agent for us!

Ms. Perez/Shout Out: Yeah. Go easy on her Terry.

Solar Flare growls.

Terry/Solar Flare: Just…LISTEN TO ME!

Mia/Shine Light: No. Listen to us. You should give Marissa a chance. We just got to know her. She might be good.

The others agree, except for Psylock, Soarin’ Girl and Electra, who are starting to grow nervous. Solar Flare then feels his heart break as tears appear in his eyes.

Terry/Solar Flare: heartbroken; voice braking through tears Fine! Trust that double agent! See if I care! I’m leaving!

The others gasp as Solar Flare flies off in tears.

Principal Cooke/Super Cooke: Terry! Wait!

Cherie/Agent Red: Come back!

Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: Terry! Wait!

But it’s too late. Legendary Super Shlorpian then turns into his super Shlorpian form and follows his husband. Later, Solar Flare is sitting on a rock with tears in his eyes. Then he sees Marissa as she comes up to him.

Marissa: I was waiting for you.

Terry/Solar Flare: You?! Get lost!

Marissa: What do you mean? We have to continue our quest!

Solar Flare growls.

Terry/Solar Flare: No… I don’t… I know who you are working for… you’re working for Echo and Ophelia aren’t you!

Marissa gasps and sighs sadly.

Marissa: lying How could you say that? I was just trying to help!

Solar Flare summons a fireball.

Terry/Solar Flare: What do you mean?

Marissa: Ophelia is not the real monster! You are!

Solar Flare gasps and snaps.

Terry/Solar Flare: tears bursting as the orange marks starts glowing HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT ABOUT ME?! I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU THINK I’M THE MONSTER! WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?!

Marissa gasps. Legendary Super Shlorpian, Katana and Lady Roseus shows up as they gasp.

Phoebe/Katana: Terry?

Solar Flare snarls at them.

Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: Oh no! Girls! Stay back! Solar Flare is losing it!

Solar Flare turns into his Mundane form and roars with tears in his eyes.

Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: Terry!

Then, glows marks appear as Mundane Solar Flare starts growing even bigger and muscular as he feels the pain.

Mundane Terry/Solar Flare: Stay out of this, Korvo. This is about me and Marissa!

Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: Oh no! Snap out of it! Please! You’re gonna lose control and… notices the orange marks glowing brighter Oh no! Terry!

Then, glows marks appear as Mundane Solar Flare starts growing even bigger and muscular as he feels the pain.

Nova/Lady Roseus: Oh no! Terry!

Mundane Solar Flare continues growing bigger and muscular as an orange streak appears behind his back.

Nova/Lady Roseus: Terry?!

Now a Mega Mundane, Solar Flare runs and runs off, much to Legendary Super Shlorpian’s distraught.

Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: TERRY!

Katana turns to face Marissa in anger.

Phoebe/Katana: Marissa… what have you done?

Marissa: I can explain.

Nova/Lady Roseus: What did you say to him? Now he is out of control!

Marissa runs off. Despite this tragic moment, L.S.S. refuses to give up.

Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: Terry was right.

Nova/Lady Roseus: And we didn’t believe him. We have to fix this!

Phoebe/Katana: I agree!

Legendary Super Shlorpian then turns into his Super Shlorpian form and then grows even more bigger and muscular as he becomes a Mega Super Shlorpian and roars.

Phoebe/Katana: Woah!

Nova/Lady Roseus: Great idea going big buddy!

Mega Super Shlorpian Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: Thanks.

Nova/Lady Roseus: So… what are you gonna do now?

Mega Super Shlorpian Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: I’m gonna find Terry and talk to him!

Phoebe/Katana: Good luck! We’ll go warn the others! Go save your husband!

Nova/Lady Roseus: Let’s go get the others!

Mega Shlorpian L.S.S. nods in a heroic smirk and flies off to save his beloved Solar Flare. Meanwhile, Shadow Lady is sitting down feeling remorseful for what she said.

Montez/The Master: Hey Frankie. Are you alright?

Miss Frankie/Shadow Lady: Yeah I’m fine. Actually no, I’m not fine. I just so awful Montez. About saying that awful thing and for hurting two of my best friends and made them offtrack. I never let the be who they truly are. breaks down crying as Master comforts her in a brotherly manner

Montez/The Master: It’s okay. We know you didn’t mean it. Just let them be themselves okay. Just themselves.

Shadow Lady nods and hugs Master as the screen pans up and fades to black.

To be continued…

[makiruz]

Finally finished Ultraman!

This show is awesome, I see why it became a classic. It starts out slow, with some pretty good episodic stories, simple but fun; but then at around episode 10 it starts getting better and by the half-way point the show gets awesome.

Now impressions of the last couple episodes:

1. Pigmon is adorable, I see why everyone likes him. 2. From the same episode Ide gets a crisis wondering what's the point of everything if Ultraman always comes to save their asses, so Hayata, who is Ultraman, tells him to stop being stupid

Next episode rehashes the flashing lights monster, but in space this time. Earth has space travel in 1966 in the World of the Land of Light. Also I keep wondering what the Science Patrol thinks of Ultraman showing up where they are, where does he come from?

Last episode was pretty great, the Science Patrol HQ is threatened because it's the last episode and we get another alien invasion, alien looks familiar but I don't remember when I saw it.

Anyway, Zetton! Heard of him, turns out he's a weapon of an evil alien race, and he kills Ultraman!! NOOOOO!!!! And then the humans kill Zetton! Holy shit, we killed a monster that defeated Ultraman! Go Team Earth!

Anyway, Ultraman isn't actually dead, he gets saved by Zoffy! Yay, Zoffy! So Zoffy is here to take Ultraman back home and he's like, I can't I'm fused with this human and he'll die, and Zoffy is like "that's okay, I got two lives with me I can separate you two and Hayata can live" that's... convenient. Anyway it seem Ultraman fusing with a human is a rare, unique thing in this show; and then it becomes standard, I dunno, I'll have to check out other shows to see how they handle it.

Okay, so Ultraman leaves, Hayata gets to live seemingly having forgotten the whole show, and Earth is gonna have to defend itself now... until next year when Ultraseven shows up, gotta love retcons.

Speaking of retcons, it looks like Hayata doesn't remember anything since crashing with Ultraman, but that's gonna change, but for now we can say he's disoriented from having been separated from Ultraman. And I find interesting the way Ultraman is presented in contrast to what we know now, we know the Land of Light, we've seen Father of Ultra, who is the president or something, we've seen fathers and sons, we've seen Mother of Ultra and other Ultrawomen, we've seen civilians, we've seen children, we've seen Ultra villains, we know their story, their people; this are people we know and they're our friends, Earth's allies; but in the original show Ultraman is a mystery surrounded by an enigma, Ultraman is an alien that comes from far away and we don't know what he is or what's his purpose, only that he wants to help us. Oh my god! It's like Doctor Who!

[some-unoriginal-fandom-trash]

I posted 782 times in 2022

That's 469 more posts than 2021!

34 posts created (4%)

748 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@ghostofawolf300

@weed-cat

@erinmar13

@lostlegendaerie

@fremblem

I tagged 782 of my posts in 2022

#shit post - 339 posts

#rvb - 105 posts

#fma/b - 41 posts

#mha - 31 posts

#naruto - 30 posts

#marvel - 30 posts

#hq - 25 posts

#sometimes humans are so damn cool - 21 posts

#lol i'm a sucker - 17 posts

#doggos are best - 16 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#but in bh it’s when ed sees al’s body in the gate of truth?! and then he busts back through the doors to tell him he’ll be back for him?!!!

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Red vs Blue is so full of blorbos and scrungles and a *few* poor little meow meows and I am rotating them all constantly in my mind

32 notes - Posted June 5, 2022

#4

Carolina is “Mary on a Cross” York is “Buddy Holly” do you understand

52 notes - Posted August 23, 2022

#3

FE-LICKS DEEZ NUTS BOW CHICKA BOW WOW

52 notes - Posted September 29, 2022

#2

I was talking to a friend and I said something along the lines of “You ever think about how when, inside pretty much anybody else, O’Malley might’ve posed a genuine threat, but instead, because he was in a hippie-esque pacifist, he just became a stupid finger waggling villain with an over the top evil laugh” and he said “Inside him there are two wolves, but one of them is a golden retriever and the other one is a 2010 animal jam wolf oc” and uh. Yeah.

87 notes - Posted August 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I Love the Chorus trilogy a lot but the entire time I watch Carolina, Locus, Wash, and Felix fight and how the mercs sometimes get them on the ropes I’m like “shit wouldn’t happen if Tex was here. She’d knock ur helmet and then that grin off of Felix’s stupid fuck-ass face.”

118 notes - Posted September 23, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn]

I have such an impending sense of dread concerning MoM because I know something really horrible is gonna happen writing wise but I'm not quite sure what it is. Perhaps that's the scariest thing of all; not knowing.

Like because Strange Supreme is in it, they could do some garbage about how Christine is Stephan's one true love and not having her will always make him evil eventually or some shit.

Or they could just make Wanda the real villian. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Oh dear anon, I feel the same way.

Between the fact that we're going to have 3 variants of Stephen then a bunch of cameos and stuff about the multiverse I just don't see how they could ever find the time to tell a story about him, that focuses on him and gives us time to find out more about him, his past, Donna, his parents, his time as a doctor, his life as Master in the NYC Sanctum...

And what you say about What If!Stephen is so true, I also fear they will act like his only motivator is Christine and he can't think of anything else as if he hadn't proved in ep9 that he's NOT evil and he learnt his lesson and is now painfully aware that actions have consequences and that the safety of everyone else is paramount for him.

I just hope they don't fix his hands. I've been saying this for months and I know I sound like a broken record but I'm terrified. I even zoomed on all the stills from the trailer trying to see if they were damaged or not 😂😅

As for my beautiful, beautiful Wanda... if they turn her into a villain or otherwise hurt her I'm raiding Marvel's HQ. She's not a hero but the thing is she doesn't need to be one either, she's morally grey and works wonderfully in the middle of all that between what's right and wrong - but I highly doubt Waldron can understand what that means.

[freudensteins-monster]

You Say “Mad Scientist” Like It’s A Bad Thing

Based on my own tumblr post: 3am thoughts… Has anyone written Jane Foster as a mad scientist, I mean like a villain?

Chaotic neutral Darcy and Jane featuring modern/human SHIELD Agent Bucky.

Available on AO3.

Content Warnings: Implied/Referenced Torture, Aftermath of Torture, Amnesia, Memory Suppressing Machine | The Chair (Marvel), Dark, Sort Of, Ambiguous/Open Ending...

In a world full of megalomaniacs, straight up supervillains, and fricking aliens, mad scientists were a dime a dozen. Dr Foster was one such scientist who was quickly moving from mildly irritating to SHIELD’s Most Wanted.

Dr Foster’s gimmick was portals. She first gained international attention when she claimed responsibility (via an untraceable Instagram account, @dr-mthrfckng-foster) for diverting LA’s 405 to a dirt road in rural Australia. Then came a string of impossible robberies – bank vaults and the private collections of the world's richest assholes stripped bare in seconds. Then she created a portal that caused an Indonesian typhoon to bear down on Wall Street, flooding the trading floor. And then she robbed a top secret government black site of some classified technology.

And that’s when Director Nick Fury made finding and stopping Dr Foster SHIELD’s number one priority.

Agent James Barnes had been stuck on suspension for two weeks, with two more to go, and was itching to get back into the field. He had way too much free time on his hands: he’d caught up on his sleep and everything in his Netflix queue. He’d cleaned out his refrigerator, done laundry and enough meal prep to last him until next month. He’d caught up with his family, cleaned his whole goddamn apartment twice, and now he was well and truly bored.

He was out for his fifth run of the week (and it wasn’t even Wednesday) when his work phone rang.

“Thank Christ,” he muttered before answering.

“Barnes.”

“It’s Hill. How’s the arm?”

“Fine,” Barnes grunted, rotating his metal shoulder irritably. “You got something for me?”

“Are you up for a recon mission?”

Usually he would have protested. He headed tactical units. He was an elite ‘first through the door’ kind of field agent. Not that he couldn’t be stealthy and patient - he’d been a sniper in the army for christ's sake - but going unnoticed in public was kind of a problem for him these days; he’d have to wear jackets and gloves in the middle of August to hide his prosthetic for starters.

On the other hand, his mother had been calling him every second day to feed him carb-heavy meals in exchange for help around the house, all while dropping not-so-subtle hints that he should start dating again. Requests for more grandchildren couldn’t be far behind.

“I’ll be there in thirty.”

Thirty-five minutes later Agent Barnes was back at his desk at SHIELD HQ perusing through the increasingly large file of one Dr Jane Foster. 

She had been a brilliant student and had earned a PhD in Astrophysics from Culver University by the age of 25. By all accounts she should have been one of the leading researchers in her field, and if doctoral programs handed out superlatives Dr Foster’s would have been “Most Likely To Win a Nobel Prize By 30”. 

Unfortunately for Dr Foster, and the rest of the world, she had been forced from that path by a sexist tenured professor who publicly denounced her theories, and the woman herself, as crazy, discredited her published work, and used his influence to ensure she was denied all of the more lucrative research grants.

When federal agents went to interview him after the 405 incident they found his office looking like a tornado had gone through it and the professor himself was nowhere to be found. A few weeks later he stumbled into a US Embassy in Russia after being found wandering in from the forests outside Vladivostok, half mad and still decrying the evils of allowing women into scientific fields.

He had been placed into witness protection and promptly admitted into a psychiatric facility under his new name, and was being monitored by several undercover agents in case Dr Foster felt like punishing him some more. 

Anyone else who had a part in ruining Dr Foster’s legitimate career was also under surveillance, as was her mother in London, a terrified ex-boyfriend in Boston, and a handful of known associates, though Dr Foster hadn’t been in contact with any of them in years.

SHIELD and other federal agencies had tried the usual methods of tracking down a rogue mad scientist. They tried to find out where her base of operations was, firstly by looking for any properties in her name, but Dr Foster had been a broke student with an impressive amount of debt (until the day she decided to wipe it, and the rest of Culver’s student debt, out). So if she had property it would definitely not be in her legal name and all but impossible to trace back to her. Then they tried to look for drains on the powergrid. However she managed to generate her portals - SHIELD scientists still hadn’t figured that out - it surely had to be using huge amounts of electricity. So far they’d found six grow labs and two server rooms running illegal god-knows-what, but no Dr Foster.

Agent Barnes read the file twice, reviewed all the transcripts of the interviews with her known associates, and came to one very important conclusion: she had an accomplice. 

As smart as Dr Foster was there was nothing in her academic history to suggest that she had a background in computer science that would account for the notable hacks and the untraceable nature of her activities. To add to that several interviewees had made passing remarks about her not having a cell phone for most of her academic career, and how she had zero interest in social media.

Two days later, after getting the okay for a field trip from Hill, Agent Barnes made his way to Culver University to speak to anyone who had even the vaguest recollection of Dr Foster. And that’s how he learnt about the intern.

He’d started by dropping by one of the physics labs where Dr Foster had spent most of her time, and by pure chance met a doctoral candidate who remembered her, and her intern.

“I think her name was Darlene. Glasses. Always on her phone.”

…which led him to the academic advisor who put the two of them together...

“Darcy. Darcy Lewis. She was actually a PoliSci major but left it too late and Dr Foster’s internship was the only one available. She had only been working with her for a few weeks before… before Dr Foster’s funding was revoked and she was asked to leave.”

...who pointed him to one of Darcy’s former professors…

“Average student. Good debater. Often late, and always had a coffee in her hand.”

...who gave him a few names of some former classmates who might remember her…

“Not the worst person to be stuck with on a group assignment. Pulled her weight. Obsessed with her stupid iPod.”

“I swear she lived off pop tarts and coffee. And not Starbucks either. Some stupid hipster chain.”

“Deja Brew. Serious problem. Went through one of those loyalty punch cards every week. Always complained about having to go home for the holidays and resort to big chain coffee shops.”

...which had him driving out to Darcy Lewis’ hometown, located a few hours south of Roanoke, Virginia, stopping first at the local high school to speak to the school principal…

“She’d always been good with computers but wasn’t allowed to use them at home for some reason so she spent a lot of time at the local library using theirs. We had to suspend her once. One of her classmates accused her of accepting payment from other students to hack the school’s records and alter their grades. Their grades were definitely getting altered, but we couldn’t get any concrete proof it was her.”

...who was able to find a photo of 16 year old Darcy in an old yearbook and told him what bar he could find Darcy’s mother in.

“She knows not to come to me if she’s in the shit, because I would call the cops in a heartbeat. Especially after that stunt she pulled before she went off to college…”

“What stunt was that, Ms Bennett?” Agent Barnes asked patiently, hoping he wouldn’t have to enable her alcoholism to get some useful information. 

“I made some mistakes, okay,” she slurred defensively. “I was having an affair with my boss. Don’t know how Darcy knew. She told her stepfather but he didn’t believe her. Then a few weeks later we went out to dinner for my boss’s birthday... all the tv’s in the bar start showing security camera footage of us falling into offices and motel rooms. Took her all of a minute to ruin two marriages and a law firm.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” he replied diplomatically. “Is there anyone she could turn to for help? Her father, perhaps.”

“He died when she was about twelve. They were as thick as thieves,” she recalled with a tinge of bitterness.

“Was there any place that was special to them? Someone she might go to ground?”

She shook her head. “He used to rent this old cabin near the Catskills off a buddy of his every other year. Winter or summer, Darcy loved it. But it's long gone. Forest fire, I think, the year before his accident.”

Back in his car Agent Barnes reviewed the data points.

Dr Foster had a base of operations somewhere. Had to be private, and as best SHIELD could guess it must be off the grid and Dr Foster must be generating her own power.

Dr Foster was a space nut at heart, and while an abandoned observatory might be too much to ask for, she’d probably want somewhere with minimal light pollution.

And while they could portal anywhere, neither of them spoke any other languages and had no familiarity with any international locations, so they were most likely still State-side. (Dr Foster’s mother had moved to London when Jane was twenty-three, but she’d never found the time to visit.)

Miss Lewis was familiar with the Catskills area. A base of operations there could be very isolated.

Dr Foster was most likely building and modifying her own own equipment so she had to be able to access materials. Sure, she could portal to her local hardware store, but having Darcy drive into the nearest town for supplies would attract less attention.

Miss Lewis had an addiction to coffee procured from Deja Brew, a small hipster chain with only a handful of locations along on the east coast. While she could have found another way to get her caffeine fix, people were creatures of habit.

Miss Lewis was also known for stocking up on poptarts. In one of the only images of the other side of one of Dr Foster’s portals there was what appeared to be, if one squinted, a box of limited edition pop tarts on a counter.

He plugged it all into SHIELD fancy search engines and got a few results back. The most promising was an abandoned ski chalet turned abandoned research station halfway up a mountain, an hour drive away from an up and coming tourist town, whose main street hosted a Deja Brew cafe. They also had a small mom and pop hardware store, as well as a post office, and a grocery store that had still been selling pumpkin pie pop tarts around the time Dr Foster’s portal had been caught on camera.

Agent Barnes came to with a groan. The flesh of his shoulder where it met his prosthetic felt like it was on fire, and he was pretty sure he could smell fried wiring.

The research station had come up in SHIELD’s initial search for a potential mad scientist's lair, but had been dismissed for not using any power and for not sending back any heat signature readings. Perhaps they’d found a way to fool the scanners. Or maybe they just weren’t in the day the readings were taken. Whatever the reason, Agent Barnes had a good feeling about it. He filled his tank up at the nearest gas station and got on the highway, forgoing checking in at the Triskelion on his way past in favour of driving all night. He’d call Hill when he had something solid. 

** *** **

“Fuck…”

He willed his eyes open and came face to face with Darth Vader.

Barnes reeled back at the sound of the synthesized voice. “Who sent you? Who do you work for?! The Rebellion?” 

“What the fuck!”

It took him until his eyes adjusted to the fluorescent lighting to realise that Darth Vader was wearing a grey knit dress and black tights. Darth Vader laughed and ripped off his mask to reveal a smiling bespectacled brunette underneath. The accomplice. Darcy Lewis.

“Sorry, I was just messing with you, dude,” she teased, tossing the mask over her shoulder. “I’ve always wanted to do that. But seriously, who do you work for? Who knows you’re here?”

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about,” he lied. “I was just camping in the woods, man. I saw the lights and decided to check it out,” he rambled in a lazy Canadian accent. “How the hell did I get here? Did you electrocute me?”

He used his not-quite fake panic to test the limits of his restraints. He’d been strapped into some sort of junkstore barber chair, with thick metal shackles locked around his wrists, ankles, and chest. His metal arm could probably make quick work of them but the damn thing was not responding. His panic became a little less fake.

“Just camping, huh?” she echoed back with a raised eyebrow, leaning forward to the point where Barnes couldn’t avoid getting a good look down her top and the 15-carat pink diamond (worth about 40mil and reported stolen in one of Dr Foster’s vault heists two months ago) hanging around her neck. “So that wasn’t you poking around town this morning?” she asked pointedly, drawing his attention to the wall of monitors he hadn’t noticed showing various street cameras around the town. “I’ve got eyes and ears everywhere, dude. You got into town bright and early in a beat up looking truck with plates that didn’t exist two weeks ago and started flashing my yearbook photo around. So, who do you work for?”

He levelled his best steely-eyed agent stare at her and switched back to his native pissed-off Brooklynite accent. “I ain’t tellin you shit, sweetheart.”

“C’mon now,” she cooed, taking a seat on his lap. “Who do you work for? FBI? Interpol? SHIELD? Crawford County Library Services? Listen, I was totally going to return Eat Pray Love, but we had to skip town in a hurry and it got lost in the move. I will totally pay to replace it.”

Years of training (and regular poker games with the Black Widow) had taught him to school his features, even if that last one threw him for a loop.

“Nothing? You sure you don’t want to talk to me? Fine,” she whined. “Jane!”

It was only then that Barnes switched his focus from his captor to his surroundings and realised that there was another occupant puttering about on the other side of the large telescope that took pride of place on a hydraulic platform underneath the research station's retractable roof. The infamous Dr Foster.

“Jane!”

“What?” came the irritated reply. 

“Come over here and practise your monologue. Look! You’ve got a captive audience and everything!” she announced, laughing at her own joke. 

“I don’t have time, Darcy,” the disgruntled voice argued. 

“Hey! I spent two days writing up that monologue, the least you can do is spend twenty-five minutes reading it out loud so I can make sure it doesn’t make you sound too much like a cartoon villain.” 

“Twenty-five minutes?! Are you kidding me?” Dr Foster stormed out from behind the telescope to wave a wrench at her assistant. She looked less put together than her ID photo, appearing to be long overdue for both a shower and a nap. “I’m in the middle of something. I’ve almost figured the problem with the mobile portal generator, and… Darcy, why is there a man tied to a chair in my lab?”

“This man?” Darcy snorted, taking Barnes’s chin in her hands and wiggling it about. “This is the intruder. You remember the intruder alert, like fifteen minutes ago? Lots of flashing lights and alarms? Well, I found this guy passed out on the lawn. For most people, hitting my force field would be like getting lightly tased, but this bad boy,” she continued, tapping a fingernail against his dead metal arm, “meant you ended up getting the full 50,000 volts to your heart. Thanks for letting me practice my CPR by the way,” she added with a wink.

“It’s not a force field, Darcy. It’s a glorified invisible pet fence, upsized and modified so it reacts to the electrical impulses in the human body.”

“It keeps people out; I’m calling it a force field.”

This was definitely the weirdest interrogation he had endured by a large margin, Barnes mused as he followed their bickering like a pingpong game.

“Who is he, Darcy?” Jane sighed wearily. “What is he doing here?”

“Fiiiine. Janey, meet Agent James Barnes of SHIELD.”

“What?! SHIELD?!!”Jane screeched. “Why did you bring him here?”

“He found us, Jane. What was I supposed to do?”

“Something other than bringing him inside our secret hideout.”

“I am not killing him and burying him in the woods; I just did my nails.”

Jane scowled, turning the full force of her overtired fury on James. “Why can’t you SHIELD issue jackbooted thugs just leave me alone? Can’t you understand how important my work is? I am challenging the very foundations of modern science - of the laws of the universe! I am on the verge of a breakthrough! And if you or Nick Fury think you can stop me, you’ve got another thing coming!”

Before his mouth could betray him and ask how the hell they knew his boss Darcy spoke up.

“A little off script, but I like the energy, Jane. Very much the mad scientist vibe we’re going for. But next time, try not to make it so personal – we’ve got to hide the target of our frustrations, remember? Instead of saying “SHIELD” say “government”, instead of saying “Nick Fury” say “president”.”

“Right, right,” Jane nodded absently, tapping the side of her head with the wrench she had just been waving around like a weapon.

“Now, go back to work. I’ll handle this.”

“Okay, thanks Darce. Oh, have you seen my soldering iron around?”

“It’s in the locked cabinet because you’re not allowed to use it unsupervised, you know that. Gimme ten minutes, I’ll bring it to you.”

Jane wandered back to her side of the observatory, muttering under her breath, leaving Barnes at Darcy’s mercy.

“She’s not the criminal mastermind here, is she?” he wondered, his eyes roaming over the strange cupcake of a woman in his lap.

“Not exactly,” Darcy admitted. “I mean, it’s not like she set out to be a mad scientist. I kind of rebranded her after that little freeway incident.”

“Rebranded?”

“Yeah. She was in a bad way after New Mexico and then when the first live test of her portal engine went a little sideways I didn’t want dudebros on the internet coming after her, so I changed the narrative. Instead of ‘girl scientist makes mistake, should stick to making sandwiches’ I changed it to ‘Dr Foster, genius astrophysicist, causes chaos, totally on purpose.’”

“And all those robberies?”

“I may have encouraged that. I’m all for sticking it to the one percenters, and Jane needed to fund her experiments somehow,” she added with a shrug.

“So Jane’s the absent-minded professor and you’re the brains behind this operation, huh?”

Darcy laughed and slid out of his lap causing a distracting amount of friction. “I’m really not. So you, Coulson, and Fury should be really, really scared.”

“How do you know those names?” he had to know, cover be damned.

“You don’t know? Of course you don’t,” she huffed. “Fury and his clearance levels. I’d tell you to ask him about New Mexico sometime, but you’re not going to be able to.”

“Why not? What are you going to do to me?” Barnes fretted, unable to ignore the sinking feeling that he was in big trouble; she wouldn’t have told him anything if she intended on letting him walk out of here.

“Oh, relax. I’m not going to kill you. I’m just gonna scramble your brain a little.”

She circled his chair, flipping switches as she went, and something behind him started humming ominously.

“So, admittedly I didn’t major in hard sciences. I had an ex who did, but he also fancied himself something of a cat burglar, so when he went to jail I liberated all his college textbooks and gave myself a crash course in electrical engineering. And it helped that those HYDRA designs were really easy to follow.”

“HYDRA?” Barnes cursed.

HYDRA had been the scientific branch of the Nazi regime and believed that discovery required (human) experimentation. They were supposedly eradicated at the end of WWII but Project Paperclip saved some of HYDRA’s greatest minds, giving them immunity in exchange for their genius. If Foster or, more worryingly, Darcy had aligned themselves with some surviving HYDRA faction the results could be catastrophic.

“Yeah, I found them in that SHIELD warehouse when we recovered Jane’s stolen research.”

“What are you talking about?”

“They just call it ‘The Chair’, which is totally not creepy at all,” she continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “And this is the Halo,” she added, drawing Barnes’s attention to the whirring circle of metal that was lowering itself over his head.

“What the hell are you doing?” he shouted, renewing his efforts to break free of his restraints. “Get that piece of scrap metal the fuck away from me!”

“Hey! Don’t mock my work. It may look like I raided a junkyard for the components - and I did - but my welding game is on point. It’s totally safe. Mostly safe. It’s just going to send focused electrical pulses to your…” she paused to consult some smudged writing on her hand, “hippocampus and prefrontal cortex.”

The Halo stopped moving and two metal plates extended, pressing against the sides of his head, holding it like a vice.

“Please… don’t do this,” he begged as she approached him with a rubber mouthguard.

“C’mon, open wide. You don’t want to end up braindead and unable to chew your food,” she jested, waving the thing in front of him. “Oh, just one question before I fry your brain,” she added just when he was about to give in. “How did you find us? I was so careful,” she whined.

Agent Barnes, terrified as he was, still managed to look smug at his small, short lived success. “Deja Brew coffee.”

“Curses!” she wailed theatrically. “Betrayed by my one true love!” 

Darcy huffed and quickly returned her attention to the matter at hand. 

“Thanks for that,” she said with a smile as she forced him to bite down on the mouthguard. “I’ll know better for next time. Start making my own coffee at home… but it never tastes as good,” she muttered to herself.

She stepped away from him and bent down to pick up a similarly frankensteined industrial remote with long wires snaking back to the chair and a clichéd big red button at its centre. He began struggling anew, screaming around the foul tasting rubber, begging for mercy.

She took great delight in his terrified expression and put on her best supervillain voice, “Give my regards to Nick Fury.”

Nick Fury observed his agent from behind a two way mirror as he sat behind a table in an interrogation room. Barnes had been sitting there for the past hour as still as a statue, except for his unfocused eyes which flitted about the room. 

In true horror movie fashion, Agent Barnes’ screams echoed down the mountainside like an avalanche, sending animals fleeing in terror for miles around.

** *** **

Local LEO’s had found him wandering aimlessly down a stretch of highway just outside the ruins of what had previously been Puente Antiguo, New Mexico, and ten minutes after they ran his prints Agent Romanoff had been on a quinjet to collect him. She’d been directed to the nearest hospital and found him sitting up on a bed but not responding or reacting to any of the medical staff as they buzzed around him. Agent Romanoff took a cautious step forward and held her breath as his unfocused eyes settled on her. 

“Hello James...”

An excruciating minute later the veil lifted and he attempted a smile. 

“Hey Tasha.”

She’d brought him back to base and dragged him to SHIELD’s medical bay for more tests - not that Barnes put up much of a fight, in fact he was terrifyingly compliant. The SHIELD doctors confirmed what the New Mexico doctors suspected: the bruising and electrical burns around his temples and his memory loss were indicative of some back alley version of electroshock therapy. His memories should come back in time - how long was anybody’s guess - but for the moment Agent James Barnes had no memory of the last four weeks.

Fury picked up a tablet with depressingly little information on its screen and stepped into the room, waiting for Barnes eyes to focus on him before taking a seat. 

“Agent Barnes.”

“Director.”

“I know you’re probably sick of questions by now, but I have a few more for you, if that’s alright.”

“Yeah, sure…”

It rankled Fury to no end how meak and passive Barnes seemed. Heaven help him, he missed the argumentative sonofabitch.

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

“Being called into your office.”

“What for?”

“I punched Rumlow.”

“Why?”

“He was bragging about taking advantage of a drunk woman at a club when he was last on leave. He didn’t like me calling out his shitty behaviour. He punched me, I punched him back.”

Fury sighed. He hadn't gotten a straight answer out of Barnes at the time of the incident and he couldn’t feel happy about getting one now. 

“Do you remember what happened once I called you into my office?”

His brow creased and his eyes zipped back and forth like the carriage of a printer as his mind searched for the elusive memory.

“You suspended me?”

“I did,” Fury confirmed. “For a whole month. But two weeks into it I pulled you in for a special assignment.”

Barnes tensed, shrinking in on himself. The confusion about his lost time seemed to be the only thing that got under his skin, but only when someone brought it up. Once the moment passed he forgot to be concerned about it.

Fury took pity on him. “For the past two weeks I had you running down leads on the whereabouts of Dr Jane Foster.”

“The scientist with the portals? Did she do this to me?”

“It’s not exactly her MO, but then again no law enforcement agency’s ever managed to have a confrontation with her. Never had the chance. Those portals of hers let her keep at a distance. You might have been the first person to have a face to face with her, but I can’t confirm it because I don’t know where the hell you were when this happened,” he grumbled, letting a little more of his usual exasperated tone filter through. “You missed check in by two days. The last we heard from you, you were at Culver running down leads on what you said was a potential accomplice. We found your car in Tromso, Norway, a day after you were found on the side of a road in New Mexico. You don’t appear on any security footage or speed cameras in the area. There’s no activity on your work or personal credit cards. Your activity logs on our highly secure system for the last two weeks are nonexistent, as are your call logs on your work phone. Even the messages you sent Romanoff from your personal phone complaining about your assignment have since been deleted - from her phone too. She’s real pissed about it. As far as your digital footprint is concerned you disappeared from a gas station outside Roanoke, Virginia, last week - do you know how weird it is to know you were headed out towards a place called Roanoke only to up and vanish?” He sighed at Barnes’ painful silence. “Is there anything you can remember, anything at all about Dr Foster or her accomplice? Anything that will help us catch up to you without talking to everyone on campus to figure out what you discovered?”

Barnes’ brow creased in painful confusion.

“I think… I think I saw Darth Vadar.”

Director Fury blinked. “Right…” He took a deep breath to stop himself from venting his frustrations at Barnes, the sorry bastard looked like a kicked puppy as it was. Instead he got up and tapped the tablet against the metal tabletop harder than strictly necessary. “Well, I’ll just go put out a BOLO out for Darth Vadar then.”

“Okay,” Barnes murmured, and promptly zoned out again.

Agent Romanoff exited the viewing room looking uncharacteristically unsettled. 

“I want a full detail on him at all times,” Fury ordered as he stormed off towards the elevators. Hill had just stepped off and was looking even more grim than usual. “Until his memories come back he’s vulnerable, and once they do he’ll be a target.”

“I’ll get a STRIKE team on it. Not Rumlow’s.”

“Get another one along with any assets currently not on assignment. Flood that campus, interrogate everybody. I wanna know who the hell Dr Foster’s accomplice is, and I wanna know yesterday. Understood?”

“I think we might have more pressing concerns, sir,” Hill reported, tapping at her tablet as it beeped erratically. “Coulson’s said there’s an issue with the Tesseract. Dr. Selvig read an energy surge from it fifteen minutes ago.”

“NASA didn't authorise Selvig to test phase,” he grunted, taking the tablet from Hill.

“He wasn't testing it, he wasn't even in the room. Spontaneous advancement.”

“Motherfucker.”

[ratcandy]

Tell me about this AU please I wanna cry tonight

PLEASE . It's not. Hskjdhg. As I said it's not largely interesting or even well thought out, it's just one short idea I had that I keep having angsty Brain Animatics to. But uh! I'll give a summary of it, sure!

I swear the AU itself doesn't have much going on but I explain things in overly-complicated ways. So. Long.

T/W: Child death, genocide. mb just being generally fucked up and evil

Since this came about due to me thinking about Goofy Mafia a lot, it's mostly centered around him. The question I was rotating in my brain that spawned this whole mess was "what exactly was the dynamic between him and the Mafia Boss?" seeing as he's. Unique? Clearly? In some way? So he's gotta be important to SOME degree

The concept I had was that he's a somewhat second-in-command to MB. The two are also pretty good friends!! Just a couple'a guys being dudes GM's deeper feelings might be a LITTLE more . Intricate. Than that, but I haven't put toooo much thought in that direction other than some "heehehoeehooo hoo... heehoo what if for extra spicy pain." So take that idea with a grain of salt!

Anyway general gist of the whole au though is that the Mafia Boss is actually competent. And. Properly threatening and malicious. Because I like making pure asshole villains doing atrocious horrible things with no regard for anyone. (also after forcing myself to come up with a redemption arc I was getting frustrated and decided NO. I'm going to make him WORSE.) Plot happens as normal for a while. The Mafia have some sorta Workers' Rebellion and decide to fuck off overseas with MB leading them, they find the island, and. The takeover is as brutal and horrible and devastating as you can IMAGINE.

Because GFB left it up to interpretation and this is a scenario where I'm making things worse. So. It's a very hostile conquering and a lot of people die!

And MB is just like "SAD. well there are other civilians"

Goofy Mafia, however, has morals! So he's at least mildly horrified at what MB is doing, lightly attempting to talk him down from this power high. Yknow,, try and convince him that this amount of destruction and death is not totally necessary.

but we know GM's not the most confident man alive, so. this proves nigh impossible for him. Especially since MB is the complete opposite in that he's OVERLY confident

Ultimately GM gives up trying to persuade him, falling into a severe case of the bystander effect as he stands idle by his friend/leader while said friend/leader condemns anyone that defies him with death (yknow. like Mu does at the end of the game. Hahaha parallels. Crazy). GM feels awful but keeps trying to tell himself that it'll be fine eventually, this'll all blow over and they'll all be fine. It's totally okay this is totally cool.

And eventually, it does calm down. If only because all the original island folk are either dead or hiding. And then the Mafia begin life there as they do in game.

meanwhile MB goes off the shits: Speedrun!! Pure ego asshole with ONE (1) goal of complete power over everyone and also All Your God Damn Cash. He's generally nice to his Mafia, and still treats GM with a weird amount of jovialness and respect, but. Still a very corrupted and horrible and dangerous guy to be around

This gets a thousand times worse when the timepieces begin falling and he gets his hands on one.

MB goes off the shits: part two. Because corrupting an already incredibly corrupted individual? Girl! You better believe his aggression spikes like mad and suddenly he's... not approachable. By anyone.

after a few days of MB being actually dangerous to stand near for more than two minutes, GM flees the Mafia Headquarters for a bit. Not to leave forever, just to get some fresh air. While he's out and about in the much serener town (which... seeing how Mafia Town is, this should tell you a lot about the state of the HQ right now), he hears children's voices.

Children??!??!? Here?!? Alive??

Turns out, a certain Hatted child fell with the timepieces. and has made friends with the local Red Hooded Hooligan. The latter of which is much more scuffed and bruised in this au than in canon!!

Said hatted child is also collecting the weird hourglass things that are falling out of the sky. Hmm. MB got a lot worse when he got his hands on one of those... maybe if they were back with who is presumably their owner, he'll go back to normal?... Which. Normal him wasn't fantastic either, but. At least you could hold a conversation with him without him looking like he'll slit your throat

He was a bit wary of approaching - what appeared to be - a child with any requests for help,,, until he witnessed her beat the hell out of several Mafia. Then he went "ok maybe she'd be fine?" but still. a little hesitant. so he came up with his own plan

He approaches HK, explaining that his boss has gone insane (more than he already was) and he thinks it's the timepiece's fault. He offers to bring the timepiece to her since she seems to own them and know what to do with them. He knoWs MB will not be happy about that, but reasons that "I'm his friend he PROBABLY won't kill me for stealing it"

But Mu, who is also present during this conversation, and reasonably distrusting of any Mafia (including GM), is like "NO we're gonna KILL AND MAIM the Mafia Boss. TOGETHER" To which GM anxiously protests that MB is very dangerous!! And while he believes MB would never hurt a child, he's not... willing to test that theory! So just let HIM get the Timepiece. And don't put yourself in danger, terrifying alien . because you are still quite obviously a Child

Hat Kid, being the way that she is, doesn't really say whether she'll be following that plan. I haven't decided if this is due to her also distrusting the Mafia (seeing as all the others thus far have been... less than ideal in how they handle timepieces), stubbornness (in-character), or some more heroic deal due to Mu's nonsense - in which she believes she can END this terribly Villainy and free the people of Mafia Town forever!!

one of the three at least sdhgKSJDGH

anyway long story short Hat Kid is conflicted on who she wants to believe here and ultimately decides to go to the Mafia HQ herself. She runs into GM there, who is like "CHILD NO. LEAVE" but Hat Kid just <3 I Can Totally Handle This Don't Worry! and does the usual shenaniganry she has to do so to get to MB (minus Mu. Seeing as GM is a doormat, he ends up helping HK in this situation so she doesn't get killed,, rather than trying to get her out of there. he takes Mu's role as the "distraction" so HK doesn't get caught shdgkjsh).

When confronting MB, the same kinda spiel happens (with notably a lot more aggression), and then the boss battle seems to happen as normally. Just without Mu. also when I say it happens as normally I am emphasizing the crowd of mafia watching this .

GM is watching from the doors of the theatre, absolutely NOT happy about this situation, but,,, Hat Kid seems to be holding her own pretty well, so maybe it'll turn out okay?,, and then it Doesn't. And MB kills Hat Kid

which is bad enough right? but oh no, turns out Mu found out Hat Kid showed up here without her and is TOTALLY mad that her new best bud just BETRAYED her!! Gonna go off on her for leaving her alone to do this herself when Mu TOTALLY could've helped. Move outta the way you big lug with the weird glasses I'm gonna stomp right up onto that stage and

oh .

The Mafia are cheering, MB is super stoked with his accomplishments in child murder, and GM is positively mortified After the initial shock wears off, Mu shrieks in OUTRAGE and nearly goes barreling in to inevitably get HERself killed before GM just goes "nO", grabs the child, and Books It

(and MB totally saw that happen which doesn't look great for GM that's for certain)

what happens after all that???

I don't Know . That's as far as I got. All I know is that GM and Mu are freshly traumatized and are now in an unlikely alliance; as the latter is a distressed child that just lost her only friend in a very brutal fashion (after also losing her family similarly) and the former is the friend of the now child-murderer and the full weight of everything is dawning on him as he realizes .

man.

this is kind of fucked up

[misstvirus]

** RESIDENT EVIL VILLAGE SPOILERS **

I decided to put this on tumblr so I could hide spoilers from Twitter and full explain why I gave Resident Evil 8 the score 5/10

These are my opinions and my personal review of Resident Evil Village. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and I am in no way saying that anyone’s experiences or enjoyment of the game are invalid.

Please excuse me - I had a hard time trying to put my thoughts in order. This is a game summary and commentary after the first few paragraphs.

I first discuss the graphics, music, etc but it turns into me basically explaining the plot so I could express my dismay at the end. Skip to the last few paragraphs to read my mental nerdy breakdown.

The gameplay, graphics and mechanics are perfect. Each installment since of series since Resident Evil 7 - has improved. The game mechanics while in combat such as switching weapons, healing and guarding are smooth, it’s damn near perfect. The Duke brought a lot of nostalgia and memories of Resident Evil 4’s Merchant. I enjoyed being able to interact to upgrade weapons, buy supplies and sell treasures. The games over all aesthetic, atmosphere and attention to detail. Each location was beautiful and you can see the love, sweat and dedication put into the game. The music is there, it is eerie at times but it’s not as memorable as other installments of the game. Resident Evil 7 had its featured title song, “Go Tell Aunt Rhody” - Resident Evil Village’s “Yearning for Dark Shadows” was not as heavily featured and did not get the hype like it’s predecessor.

Resident Evil Village had a good story (please note this is my thought strictly AS A REVITALIZED RE GAME BEFORE THE CHRIS REDFIELD SEGMENT). The story starts by continuing with Ethan and Mia Winters after the events of Resident Evil 7. I knew Capcom moved in a different direction and accepted that as long time RE Junkie that although it’s from the same universe - they would not be the same type of games. Chris Redfield’s end game appearance in RE7 and a few Easter eggs were the only MAIN (not DLC content) links to the previous RE installments. The new set of villains and interesting tie-ins to village folklore story was a great way to foreshadow the events to come. The village and story behind Mother Miranda and her reasoning for creating the big baddies because wanting to bring back her dead child were good and had this been a stand alone or continuation WITHOUT TYING THE GAME INTO THE RE UNIVERSE I would have liked it fully.

The game starts with Ethan and Mia Winters, a new baby, Rose and are Having marital issues not dealing with Louisiana/RE7 events and Chris Redfield shows up and kills “Mia”. Chris’s team takes the baby and Ethan and knocks him out. When Ethan wakes up in wreckage of a van, without his baby and dead drivers. As Ethan wanders into the woods and makes his way to the village. He discovers something is killing the people and meets up with a group of people who worship Mother Miranda and quickly die by monsters. These monsters are called “lycans” who are products/monsters of the Cadou mold similar/same thing in RE7. Ethan finds himself apart of weird meeting of all five villains - who stole baby Rose and want do some weird shit.

Tada! Ethan has escaped and ends up in Lady Alcina Dimitrescu or “Tall Lady” “Vampire Mommy” castle. You are confronted by her and her three daughters Bela, Cassandra and Daniela.

Let me step in to rustle the jimmies and ruffle the feathers of the Lady D hype group. What you see in the previews is what you get. No more, no less! There is nothing special and there are no redeeming qualities or mentions past notes in game files of Lady D outside your castle encounter. The story isn’t based around her, she’s just a tiny part in a larger story plot 1 of 5 villains/baddies. The daughters are overly sexual and have the most cringe worthy dialog. I love me some sexy characters and villains but the daughters were just so cringe. They could’ve AMPED up the horror with them and created a stronger scare factor but dropped the fucking ball. They were not creepy or scary and brought nothing to the story with delivering lines about wanting to “consume Ethan’s manflesh” “not stale as mother said - tastes so good.” Also to be noted they were not actually vampires but bioweapons. Lady D being a good result to the mold “Cadou” and the daughters the result of the Cadou and mixing of insects. You kill the daughters, get chased by Lady D who eventually mutates into a flying tentacle bat-dragon and it’s done, she gone. Sorry to fuckboys who thought she was bigger player.

After Ethan beats Lady D, he grabs a yellow flask that’s apparently filled with the juice and parts of baby Rose - and each of villains has one of these baby-juice boxes. Ethan will have to collect them all to be able to put Rose back together.

Next visit is House Beneviento. This was the scariest of all five villains and village locations in my review of the game. It reminded me of a Silent Hill installment less a Resident Evil installment - the use of light, sound and overall paranormal factor did bring in a successful horrifying portion of the game . The mutated baby chase was comical yet creepy. You have to hide to escape it and you ended up playing hide and seek with possessed dolls. The entirety of House Beneviento will definitely give you an uneasy feeling. Donna, the woman controlling a doll named Angie is another baddie who you later learn is mentally unstable and uses her abilities to manipulate plants - to cause hallucinations to create the creepy doll house scenario. (Oof it’s hard for me to stay on track). Part 2 of 4 of Baby Rose - which yes it what your game objective says.

Next Moreau, a mutated fish man - gives Ethan the Resident Evil 4 and Resident Evil 5 game play feel - having to complete actions while some oversized bioweapon is looming around and can take you out with a misstep, like falling in the water or moving too slowly. Moreau did not gain any abilities with the Cadou mold, basically his body wasn’t compatible and he just mutates uncontrollably. Mentally slow, weak and kind of a sad story. Ethan runs into Chris Redfield who tells him to stay out of it and than runs away. Ethans fights Moreau and gets another baby juice jar.

Next Ethan faces off and explores a laboratory with Karl Heisenberg - a bioweapon who can manipulate metal (think a less cool and weakly motivated Magneto). He one of the last big baddies - and motivated by being essentially rejected by Mother Miranda. He is the most stable reaction to the Cadou mold. Before Ethan and Heisenberg face off - Chris Redfield comes in - to reveal he was not the bad guy Ethan thought in the beginning of the game. Mia wasn’t Mia but in fact Mother Miranda in disguise- who was attempting to steal the baby Rose which she ended up doing anyway because Chris’s team wrecked with the baby. At this point I’m say FINE WHATEVER, I guess this works

Chris goes into kill Mother Miranda, we the audience discover the BSAA is now not what is used to be. Chris isn’t affiliating with them and his team hides away from them as they attack. BSAA gets struck down attempting to kill Mother Miranda’s mutation - a megacyte squishy organ (that’s keeping her alive and immortal). Chris puts a massive bomb on big Miranda squishy thing and discovers that Lady Dimitrescu, Karl Heisenberg, Moreau and Donna Beneviento are all attempts to create a perfect vessel to bring back her own dead child Eva, who died in 1912 of the Spanish flu. It is revealed Eveline, the RE7 little girl mold baddie wasn’t another failed attempt. Miranda has turned baby Rose into baby juice to use with the Cadou mold in a ceremony to bring her dead child back.

AND drum roll please - we find out Ozwell Spencer, founder of Umbrella and the progenitor virus the big Daddy of it all was in cahoots with Miranda at some point in his youth and supported her crazy ass research but had his own stuff going on. WHY?! WHO KNOWS? NOT ME! WHY WAS THIS PUT IN THE GAME. To piss me off? Yes. Chris has also discovered Mia is still alive in jail cell for what reason? who knows? And Mia reveals that Ethan is special!

Cue black screen, Ethan awakes to see to Eveline - the mold baddie from RE7. Eveline explains - that Ethan has been dead and died back during the events of RE7. Jack Baker had killed him and dragged him into the house. So he was dead the entirety of RE7 - That explains why Ethan is constantly dismembered, beaten and walking the mold keeps him alive. Ethan will not survive much longer because his missing heart but is determined to bring back his baby. Weakly he carries himself to fight Mother Miranda with Chris. Mother Miranda performs her ceremony with the baby juice boxes and out comes not Eva (her baby) but Ethan’s baby Rose.

They fight and Ethan kills Miranda, carrying Rose off to Chris but that missing heart is the end of Ethan so he takes the trigger for the squishy bomb and pushes Chris away and sacrifices himself for his daughter. Chris boards a helicopter with Mia and baby and the body of a BSAA solider. Ethan blows himself and the Miranda squishy up. The BSAA soldier turns out to be a bioweapon and Mia is distraught at Ethan being for reals dead and Chris is annoyed and directs the pilot for BSAA Europe HQ. Credits Roll, now we see Adult Rose (baby juice reborn as mold human) visiting her Dads grave it’s apparent Chris has been training her and her bodyguard (?) pulls up and they argue and she goes all combative on him. It’s implied she’s not normal since she was DUH she was turned into baby juice and put back together with Cadou mold they drive off - apparently you can see a ghostly Ethan in photo mode - I don’t know I don’t give AF enough about The Winters family and this game at this point

The End

5/10 - Story (read below)

9/10 - Everything else

- Katie’s Dismay and Final Review and Rating-

Graphics: 9/10

Setting: 8/10

Music: 6/10

Game Mechanics: 10/10

Story: (pre Chris Redfield tie in): 7/10

Story: (post Chris Redfield) 4/10

As a modern game, it was great, exceptional. It checks all the classic horror boxes but isn’t the scariest entry, Resident Evil 7 was a much more scary game. The story is why my rating is slow and it’s based on my biases and years of following the story.

STOP! Don’t want to hear my angry ranting? SKIP THE REST

THE ANGER OF a grown ass Resident Evil Fan.

They should’ve omitted the entire BSAA story and BSAA bioweapon-man and not included those notes about Spencer and Umbrella. This game was solid as a next installment and sequel to Resident Evil 7 until they decided they wanted to tie the original Resident Evil storylines into the new story.

When Capcom decided to breakdown and rebuild the franchise, it was a blow because so many storylines were unfinished. I understand they needed to keep evolving and I was blown away by the result. RE7 was not and did not feel like an old RE Game but it was new and it brought back the horror and fear the RE Games early installments were known for. A new RE for a new generation!

But TO ME PERSONALLY - The positive thoughts and opinions I had of RE7 are sullied by Resident Evil Village. Why try to tie it in as an after thought after such a successful overhaul? It’s a slap in the face! Capcom has created some of the best characters in video game stories just to say fuck them for this overhaul but WAIT WE REALLY LIKE CHRIS AND THE BSAA STORY LINE LET’S BRING IN THE OLD STORY NOW.

Fucking NO.

I don’t know what’s worse reading that fucking note from Spencer or the BSAA bullshit.

So now one has to say... WHAT happened to all of the characters who worked for BSAA or worked with affiliates of the BSAA? Chris goes on his own way - Now what? What happened??? There’s nothing explaining what happened between RE5 and RE6 to RE7! They failed to create that bridge. If they had established ANYTHING in RE7 it would be easier for me to swallow.

If you want to overhaul and change the series FINE but don’t back peddle now. Don’t try to throw it the last few minutes of the game with some lazy writing and a vague cliff hanger just leaving it like this.

And of course one could think - “maybe they will make a new game, maybe another sequel?”..... BUT HAVE Y’ALL seen what’s happened at the end of every RE game since RE4???? We are finally getting a Netflix series in 2021 to fill the time after RE4!!! That was 16 YEARS ago! So how can crazy ass fans like myself really expect them to fix the plot holes?!

My theory is that - in between RE7 and RE village They were working on the RE2 Remake and the RE3 Remake and it was if someone at Capcom finally asked - “If all these new RE players are going to play RE village - don’t we need a way to connect these stories????”

And someone jumped up in a conference room and replied. “FUCK IT LETS JUST TIE IN SPENCER AND THE BSAA IN THE LAST 10 MINUTES!”

I have cried, laughed and loved these games my entire life. Some of my major life events happened because of this series! I have followed every game, collected merchandise, gotten tattoos and met the most amazing people because our mural obsession over this series. That’s why it hurts me that’s why I’m tear it apart so viciously and also why I keep playing. There’s always hope that someone will fix the plot holes and finish the stories that lured in the older RE fans and I will always hold Capcom to a high standard and expect them to do right by the fans. I’m not speaking for ALL older RE Fans or ALL fans and I’m definitely not gatekeeping the fandom. This is how I feel - I’m grateful there is a new generation breathing life into RE but I’m screaming a warning - BUCKLE UP BUTTERCUPS - there’s a strong chance your favorite characters new or old aren’t going to get an ending or be reduced to a brief snippet in a file you may not not find.

ANYWAYS

Happy to those who loved it, condolences to those who are pissed off like myself

I’m annoyed but I’ll power through!

Happy 25th Anniversary to my longest obsession!

RE Verse coming in the summer, the Netflix series and the remake Live Action Movies.

HERE’S TO RESIDENT EVIL!

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 311: Hand Gun

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “thinkin’ about dropping in some woke analogies of the very real and very presently relevant issue of racial profiling idk what do you guys think” and then shrugged and did it without waiting for an answer, and ngl it was a bit sudden, but I’m here for it. All Might was all “DEKU YOU NEED TO EAT” and Deku was all “OKAY” and took his hero bento and went to go stand dramatically on a tower in the rain whilst having some highly anticipated Vestige flashbacks. OFA II was all, “sup, I guess I’m not Kacchan... OR AM I,” and ngl I think he is?? Alternate universes anybody?? Hello??? But anyway, so OFA the First a.k.a. Yoichi was all “remember that time you guys rescued me from my evil brother and Two took my hand and we Had A Moment?”, and Two and Three were all “ahh yeah good times”, and it was very nice and very, very gay. The chapter ended with it being very unclear if Two and Three have actually lent their power to Deku yet or not lmao. Y’all need to get your shit together dudes.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “what if I gave a random bad guy a fucking tommy gun that shoots nails” and jesus christ calm down son. The Hawksquad, a.k.a. SQUAWK as per @hotchocolatier​, are all “time to drive aimlessly around town acting like Deku has a restraining order on us because that’s literally the best plan to combat the League we could come up with,” and I have no further comment. Hawks is all “idk about you guys but I want to know more about AFO and Tomura’s whole deal” and I can’t remember the last time I identified so strongly with one of these characters. All Might is all, “[EXPLODES???]”, and the chapter ends with that mysterious hot girl from the Tartarus breakout being all “HELLO I CAN TURN INTO A GUN AND I LITERALLY DON’T GIVE A FUCK” and (1) WOW, and (2) IT’S TRUE, SHE CAN, AND SHE REALLY DOESN’T. GODDAMN.

(ETA: so this wholly escaped my notice on the first go, and also has nothing to do with the chapter itself, but I only just realized that this chapter was scanlated by a new group, TCB Scans. they actually did a very good job, and I’m curious if they’ve found a new RAW provider, because the quality this week is actually crazy good in comparison to what we’ve been dealing with for the past few months. I’m gonna have to get caught up on what exactly happened here lol.)

so what will it be this week? more Vestige antics? more of Sad Nomad Deku standing on buildings and pretending like he’s some cool aloof antihero, as if he could fool us when we all know his hero backpack is secretly stuffed full with his nerd diaries and the remnants of all the hero bentos that All Might keeps giving him?? or, just putting it out there, just a crazy thought, but you don’t suppose we might actually cut back to U.A.? mmm. side-eyes emoji

maaaaaan I’m starting to get tired of this trend of beginning chapters by dropping in on random power-tripping civilians and/or Shindou lol. just once can we get a chapter that opens with someone I actually give a fuck about

oh at least Endeavor is here

A WHAT SUPPORT ITEM!??! HOLY SHIT DDLKJSLFKJL

lol somehow that’s more terrifying than bullets for me?? like I’m fully aware that bullets will fuck you up way worse and that in real life nail guns probably don’t work like this AT ALL and only have a range of like... hold up let me just google... up to 100 to 150 m/s and distances of up to 500m wait WHAT

okay wait. hold up. like I was expecting google to tell me nail guns only shoot a few feet at most, and instead the first search result is some CDC blog article that’s “dispelling” the “””myth””” -- please note my repeated sarcastic quotation marks -- that nail guns can fire 1400 feet per second, by explaining that actually they can fire anywhere from 315 ft/sec to 1,295 ft/sec, and that “it is in the pneumatic nail gun user’s best interest to handle these tools as if they were a firearm despite having a lower velocity” dlkjdslkjflkl

SO THAT SCENE IN IRON MAN 3 WHERE TONY RAIDS A HOME DEPOT AND BUYS A BUNCH OF RANDOM TOOLS AND SHIT AND GOES ON TO STAGE A ONE-MAN INVASION OF AN INTERNATIONAL TERRORIST’S FLORIDA MANSION HQ IS ACTUALLY TRUE. YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT THE FILM “HOME ALONE” IS ACTUALLY A DOCUMENTARY. “the Discovery Channel television program “Mythbusters” compared the penetration capacity of an airborne projectile shot from a pneumatic framing nail gun to that of a 9mm hand gun” HELLO YES AND A MERRY “WHAT THE FUCK” TO YOU AS WELL

anyway, so. there’s apparently a reason why the Number One hero, who can burn people with the intensity of a sun going supernova, is hiding here behind this concrete support column making frowny faces. nope. nuh uh. he ain’t about that. I don’t blame you buddy

so now he’s barrel rolling out of his hiding place and setting this dude THE FUCK ON FIRE because HELL NO. BAD ENOUGH I HAD TO WATCH THAT FUCKING MUSHROOM EPISODE LAST WEEK! YOU TAKE THAT SHIT SOMEWHERE ELSE

LOL look at his face

I know the context is actually him being all “I know I’m responsible for basically everything that happened and so that’s why I’m so grim and serious about this mission to set things right piece by piece,” but in my mind this pissed-off face is 100% all because this dude tried to shoot his eye out with a nail gun. look at that. you made him go full flame face again. beard and all. protecting his face so that it can hopefully melt any stray nails that get too close. nope nope nope

good lord. so what’s up next. let me guess the guy fighting Best Jeanist has like an atomic chainsaw or some shit

lol nope we’re just cutting back to Hawks and Jeanist chilling in the Jesla after they’ve wrapped things up

Jeanist has got some serious Groot energy you guys jesus christ he’s like 12 feet tall

oh snap someone threw a pipe at him now

today is just the chapter of Endeavor being assaulted by random DIY tools I guess

I mean, I get why they’re pissed at him obviously; I would be too lol. but tbh I also don’t really understand the “get out of here we don’t want your help” attitude that all of these people suddenly seem to have?? like it if were me, I would be fucking DEMANDING for him and the other heroes to be working round the clock to fix their stupid mess. I mean who else is gonna do it?? it’s their mess, I sure don’t want to be the one to clean it up instead. anyways but whatever lol

oh shit?

so they haven’t dropped the whole “OFA secret potentially gets revealed to the world” thing yet after all. that makes sense I suppose, it did seem like that whole thing wound up playing out a bit too easily

anyway so yeah

the locals are definitely none too happy. well at least Dabi’s got something to be cheerful about I guess

so now we’re cutting to the interior of the Jesla and they’re chitchatting about the current investigation

oh wow this actually makes a bit of sense now. so there was a reason they were keeping their distance from Deku

please note that even in this abstract Endeavor’s-Mental-Image-Of-Him panel, Deku’s eyes still don’t have the light in them anymore :( my poor son

also ftr I still think using Deku as bait in this particular sense is the shittiest idea ever ngl. like sure, let’s let the sixteen-year-old run around battling miscellaneous escaped prison convicts while we stay several kilometers away ON PURPOSE despite the fact that you’re using him as bait to draw out the Big Bad, who just a reminder can destroy anything with a mere touch and who you were all basically helpless against. what exactly are you all planning to do if Tomura or one of the other League VIPs actually shows up to retrieve him?? are you even keeping tabs on him at all in real time?? jesus

(ETA: well that escalated quickly lol.)

Horikoshi is all of a sudden dropping whole pages of exposition here and I can’t be bothered to summarize this lol so just,

a big fat YES to what Jeanist said, though. that’s why imo they would have been better off laying a trap at U.A. rather than just wandering around out in the open. I assume they’re trying to cut their potential losses because U.A. is full of students (and civilians), but those students also happen to be more capable than pretty much anyone else in the manga at this point. and tbh they’re already in life-threatening danger regardless of how things play out from here on, so they might as well at least try to use the few advantages they have right now. U.A. is almost certainly going to come under siege at some point anyway, so they might as well prepare for it

lol I don’t think I’m explaining this very well because I don’t have the patience right now to break it down point by point like it really ought to be, so for now I’ll just say that imo “U.A. siege” stands a good chance of being the eventual endgame even now, and so this whole “Deku runs around being bait” arc is really just killing time until then lol. like and subscribe for more rambling nonsensical takes such as this. maybe next time I’ll even put it all into one single sentence for maximum meandering senior citizen rant value

well it’s nice that they’re finally talking about all of this I guess

we readers have known all of this for months now but this confirms the heroes are finally caught up. ALSO, Hawks is so fucking smart, as always. kinda wonder if things would have played out differently if All Might had let him in on the secret a bit earlier. probably that’s why Horikoshi made damn sure they didn’t find out until after the War arc lol

OH MY GOD YOOOOOO HAWKS OUT HERE ASKING THE REAL QUESTIONS

“anyone else wondering why AFO bothered to raise Tomura as his fake heir for fifteen years when he was secretly planning on taking over his body the whole time” YES, [raises hand] lmao Hawks where the hell were you when I was debating this “AFO is the final villain and Tomura is just his pawn” thing on multiple occasions over the past several years lol

lmao seeing them debate the metaphysics of OFA and all of its mystical bullshit is seriously surreal you guys

JEANIST HAVE YOU CHECKED OUT MY META TAG I HAVE WRITTEN SO MANY ESSAYS. I ACTUALLY WAS PLANNING ON WRITING ANOTHER ESSAY ABOUT THE THING THAT I’M PRETTY SURE HAWKS IS ABOUT TO BRING UP, BUT I NEVER GOT AROUND TO IT WHOOPS, BUT MAYBE I WILL NOW LOL LET’S SEE HOW IT GOES

yes!!

WHICH AFO FUCKING ENSURED HE WOULD BE BY LITERALLY PLANNING OUT EVERY LAST DETAIL OF HIS FAMILY TRAGEDY, FROM SECRETLY GIVING TENKO THE QUIRK TO MAKING SURE NO CIVILIANS OR HEROES WOULD HELP HIM UNTIL AFO FINALLY STEPPED IN. I’M 1000% CONVINCED THIS IS THE CASE YOU GUYS. NOT JUST BECAUSE I’M NOT A FAN OF “THE WORLD IS A FUNDAMENTALLY SHITTY PLACE, ACTUALLY” TAKES BECAUSE MISTER ROGERS TOLD ME TO ALWAYS LOOK FOR THE HELPERS, BUT ALSO BECAUSE IT LITERALLY JUST DOESN’T MAKE A LICK OF SENSE OTHERWISE. THEIR ENTIRE HOUSE CAVED IN FFS, YOU’RE TELLING ME NONE OF THE NEIGHBORS FUCKING OVERHEARD THAT SHIT AND WENT “UMMMMMMMMM” AND WENT TO SEE WHAT WAS GOING ON?? “DIDN’T THERE USED TO BE A HOUSE HERE, AND LIKE A WHOLE FAMILY, AND SHIT?”

LIKE I’M SORRY, BUT IT’S ONE THING TO SAY IT’S REALISTIC THAT NOT A SINGLE PERSON WOULD ATTEMPT TO HELP THE WANDERING TRAUMATIZED CHILD AFTERWARDS (WHICH I DISAGREE WITH AS WELL BUT AT LEAST THAT’S MORE SUBJECTIVE), AND IT’S A WHOLE OTHER THING TO ARGUE THAT IT’S REALISTIC THAT NO ONE WOULD BE FUCKING NOSY. LIKE THAT’S A WHOLE DIFFERENT LEVEL OF “THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS” ENTIRELY LOL. anyway tl;dr AFO is a piece of shit and Tomura’s entire worldview is based on a magnificently intricate and savagely cruel lie more at 11

anyway so after all that ranting it looks like that wasn’t even what Hawks was talking about after all lol. I just went off for absolutely no reason lol oh well. instead it seems that Hawks is suggesting that Tomura’s carefully cultivated hatred might not yet have actually reached “can defeat OFA” levels even after all of that trauma. interesting!

don’t mind me, I’m just sitting here while my brain furiously scrambles to put together all the parallels between Hawks and Tomura that it never noticed before until exactly this second. like I’m not even sure that was the intent here at all (I need to check out another translation or two lol), but regardless my mind decided that now would be the perfect time to make the connection between these two twenty-somethings who both had horrific childhoods and spent years being molded by their respective manipulative guardians, and developed eerily similar “laugh at everything because what else can you do” coping mechanisms to deal with it all hmmmmm

anyway so they were talking more about their strategy, but now all of a sudden Jeanist’s phone is beeping??

AND NOW WE’RE CUTTING AWAY TO ALL MIGHT AND HIS MIGHTMOBILE DAMMIT so that means the call to Jeanist was actually something important then!! WAS IT BAKUGOU OMG. DOES YOUR INTERN WANT A WORD FFFKLFSJK please it’s been so long I just need a little crumb or two to tide me over lmao have mercy

anyway so All Might’s following the GPS tracking device he’s apparently got planted on Deku (which in my conspiracy headcanons he’s actually had for a long time now, like since before DvK2 lol because HOW ELSE WOULD HAVE HAVE KNOWN THAT THEY WERE FIGHTING EACH OTHER IN GROUND BETA, PEOPLE) and thinking angsty thoughts about Deku’s sucky life

AND NOW ALL MIGHT’S PHONE IS RINGING TOO?? BAKUGOU HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE YOU CALLING. “WHERE ARE YOU HIDING THE NERD GODDAMMIT”

OMG

lol is he under attack or is he just finally giving All Might the slip like we all know he SECRETLY PLANNED TO ALL ALONG oh my poor dumb angstmuffin

OMG AHHHHHHH WHAT

DID ALL MIGHT JUST FUCKING DIE LMAO NO OF COURSE NOT, BUT WHAT

WHAT IS HAPPENING OMG

THE FUCK IS THAT. AT LEAST IT’S NOT A NAIL

OH IT’S A SPEAKER!! OMG DID THEY TAKE ALL MIGHT HOSTAGE

“THEY’RE HERE” WELP, TIME TO SEE JUST HOW SHITTY THIS SHITTY PLAN REALLY IS LOL

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SHE!!!!

omg. AND OVERHAUL JUST CHILLING THERE IN THE BACKGROUND ALL “WHAT DO YOU EVEN WANT ME TO DO I’VE GOT NO FUCKING ARMS” YEAH GOOD RIDDANCE LOL

DOES THIS GIRL HAVE ONE GIANT LEG OR WHAT, LIKE WHAT’S THE DEAL HERE

-- HOLD UP WAIT, THE GUN IS HER ARM, HOLY SHIT SHE CAN TURN INTO A GUN -- OKAY HOLD UP BECAUSE I NEED TO SAY THAT IN BIGGER TEXT BECAUSE !!!!

YOU GUYS, THE COOL TARTARUS GIRL IS BACK AND HER QUIRK IS “CAN TURN INTO A FUCKING GUN.” THIS IS NOT A DRILL!! MY BEST GIRL MT. GUN IS FINALLY BACK ON THE SCENE WITH HER QUIRK “CAN DO ANYTHING A GUN CAN DO.” “I HEARD Y’ALL WENT AND NAMED ONE OF YOUR HEROES ‘GUNHEAD’ EVEN THOUGH HIS HEAD ISN’T EVEN A GUN, LIKE WTF IS UP WITH THAT LET ME SHOW YOU HOW IT’S DONE” DANG OKAY

lmao only fifteen pages this week, and STILL NO KACCHAN (THEN WHO WAS PHONE!!!), but man I don’t even care because finally we’ve got a cliffhanger that’s actually deserving of being a cliffhanger! hot dog. okay then

[nobody-wants-ice-cream]

Everything Wrong With The Umbrella Academy. Episode 6, The Day That Wasn’t.

We Only See Each Other at Weddings and Funerals

Run Boy Run

Extra Ordinary

Man on the Moon

Number Five

Disclaimer: This is all in good fun! I wanted to do a really nitpicky re-watch of the series and found some really cool and interesting things I didn’t notice before. This is meant to have a Cinema Sins-esque tone. However, I did take off a lot more sins than Cinema Sins would have because I do genuinely like the series and the people that made it possible. So all of the good things got one sin off and all the bad things got one sin added. This is a really long post, so grab some popcorn. If there’s anything that I missed, feel free to add it!

I would also like to add that normally you wouldn’t watch a show this way. I am purposefully looking for mistakes, easter eggs, and other things that we’re not supposed to notice. I am watching not with the goal of entertainment, but for analysis. So most of the things that I sin, I am seeing for the first time.

Also, no I can’t do better. I am in no way qualified to give this level of criticism about anything. 

[Today we got the s2 release date!! I am so excited. To answer any questions about that, I will probably do a season 2 version of this a year after it comes out. Since some of my sins involve fandom and any fic tropes/theories we might come up with, I want to make sure that has time to happen.]

The Day that Wasn’t 

Only Dave notices Klaus coming to Vietnam via briefcase. The flashing blue lights and loud “oof!” isn’t loud enough to wake anyone else up. +1

Cody Ray Thompson’s workout routine. -1

“Katz” isn’t a fandom thing! The dude that is yelling at all the soldiers and Klaus to get ready (some sort of commanding officer?) calls Dave “Katz”! -1

Klaus is so confused that he just puts the pants on without really questioning it. What the fuck was going on in Klaus’s head? +1

Where is Ben? +1

Right where I’m paused Klaus’s face is hilarious. “It was at this moment Klaus knew. He fucked up” -1

The Power of Boners is what keeps Klaus in the fucking Vietnam War. +1

For all future Dave sins, I am calling it The Power of Boners because Dave gets one line. As soon as the show corrects this and shows us why Dave was so wonderful, these remain sins. Sin for the show for not providing more Dave content. +1

Overly saturated forigen country cliche. +1

Seriously, why is Vietnam so orange? +1

The Doors. -1

This one shot in the foreground of the girl with white boots. I want those boots so badly. Costume people, where did you get them? Sin until I know, damnit! +1

Cool white boots are cool. -1

Klaus’s dance moves. -1

Klave. -1

Scene does not contain a lap dance. +1

Or any other indication that Dave and Klaus didn’t just make out once and decided to remain friends. Please give me more Klave content show. If anything, just to flesh out this character who motivates Klaus for half of the season. +1

Luther barges in on people in the bathroom. He has six siblings! Anyone with at least one sibling knows that barging in on people in bathrooms is a shitty move. Heh, shitty move, bathroom, get it? +1

Klaus’s face when Luther deadpans “the world’s ending in three days”. It’s the face of someone who completely forgot about that since he’s been in the 60s for ten months. -1

Also, the way Luther tells Klaus “the world’s ending in three days” is the same way I might tell my brother that it’s time for dinner. +1

“Five’s a little- [coo coo whistle]” Emmy Raver-Lampman kills this line. -1

Luther’s face when Allison asks “what did Five even see?” brings me so much joy. That is the look of complete panic. Love that. -1

Luther can’t lie for shit. Checks out. -1

Anyone with siblings can relate to Diego, Allison, and Klaus’s reaction to this bull. -1

The dramatic music leading into the little “we died” followed by a sip of coffee. Priceless. -1

Title umbrella scares the shit out of Klaus! -1

Comic power foreshadowing? Sin until we get answers. +1

Foreshadowing that Five is in HQ by sending orders that don’t follow the same format as the rest of the ones on the shoe. Fiveshaddowing? -1

Kate Walsh plays an excellent villain. Part of that evil demeanor is getting all up in Five’s personal bubble. This is the closest Five has been to someone in the entire show without any injury or being drunk. -1

The Handler is creepy. +2

Five makes demands after setting foot in the building for less than one minute. +1

The masks from the comics are on the wall in the briefcase room. -1

Based on the two agents we see in the briefcase room and Hazel and Cha Cha, the uniform of the commission assassin is a blue suit, yet all of Five’s are grey or black like management. Inconsistency. +1

Typewriters. I hate those things. +1

I think Aidan Gallagher forgot what he was doing in this scene. His expression doesn’t look like Five, it looks like some kid who is letting a math lecture wash over them. You could make the argument that Five is sort of letting this wash over him too, but I would call bullshit. Five knows how dangerous of a situation he’s in right now. He shouldn’t look this calm. +1

The Handler touching Five’s face. +3

Dot has the “i’m in danger” expression when meeting Five because Dot let Five live in hell for 45 years. Five also looks like he wants to kill her. Great acting, Patrice Goodman. -1

Five’s expression when Dot says “No hard feelings” brings me so much joy. And fear. -1

The Handler makes Five the teacher’s pet on his first day by calling him leadership material in front of his new coworkers. +1

Kate Walsh was temporarily directed by Tim Burton for this scene. +1

That weird look one of the commission management people gives Five once Five sits down and starts working. I don’t like it, I don’t like it! +1

The Hargreeves mansion looks really fucking chaotic on the roof. I don’t like it. +1

Leonard’s face at finally being allowed inside the Hargreeves mansion. Just the right dose of satisfied and creepy. Well done, John Magaro. -1

Leonard is raising so many red flags that he may as well be a stop sign. +1

Umbrella Academy action figures. Oh, Reggie. +1

Luther has to explain that everyone in the whole world dies and not just them. The Umbrella Academy School of Delayed Reactions due to Stupidity was too long of a name so Reggie shortened it to The Umbrella Academy. +1

Allison’s right, Vanya isn’t being fair. However, Allison isn’t specific about how Vanya is family but Leonard is not. Sin for both of them for being dumb as hell. +2

“I’m gonna go find Vanya” “There isn’t time, we need to figure out what causes the apocalypse” irony. +1

“Nuclear war” cited as one of the possible causes of the apocalypse. Comics fans, enjoy this sin off. -1

“But I’m thinking this is about the Moon, right?” well yeah, but not for the reasons you think. Foreshadowing the moon. -1

That creepy portrait of Five behind Diego. No, not the big one, the other one by the bar. What the fuck, Reggie? +1

Leonard steals the action figure of The Monocle (reggie for those who don’t know the comics), which symbolizes the way Leonard feels he is controlling the Academy through Vanya. -1

Leonard is creepy. +1

Ben doesn’t realize that Klaus is going through withdrawal despite seeing it the day before. Sure, Ben could have been more focused on the tourture, but because Ben points out Klaus’s withdrawal by name in Man on the Moon, we can assume he noticed and that this is a continuity error. +1

Vanya’s powers affecting the world around her as soon as she is a safe distance away from the academy because reasons. Seriously, there should have been at least something while she was confronting her siblings. Show plays fast and loose with the rules of Vanya’s powers. +1

“If you tie me up after.” “Come again?” Diego and Klaus have the most sibling like relationship on this entire show. -1

Klaus’s Diego impression. -1

Excessive use of the word “bro”. One sin for every time I have to hear it in this scene. +2

“Mr. Five”. Is Five’s first name “Number” or did he not give the Commission any other name? Does this imply that he doesn’t go by Five Hargreeves? +1

This is one of the few scenes where Aidan Gallagher no longer looks like Aidan Gallagher and instead looks like Five. Acting. -1

Dot is really trying to get murdered. Don’t engage the man you put through hell for almost fifty years, moron. +1

The Handler has nothing better to do than to stalk Five. Does this lady have a job or did she take the day off specifically for this? What was she doing in the tube room?+1

The origin of “deadly little thing” is fucking Gloria? Really, fandom? +1

Five is too good of an actor. I understand why Aidan Gallagher might make some of these choices as an actor but I don’t understand how a man who grew up alone in the apocalypse can act this well. +1

The Handler keeps singling Five out in front of his coworkers. +1

The Handler’s arm around Five’s shoulders. +1

Creepy dude is back. I’m not even going to try and look up this guy’s name, but the expression suggests something I don’t want to think about. +1

Creepy guy’s name is Herb. Of course it is. +1

The file Five picks up just has a smiley face inside of it, which suggests that the Handler put it there as a red herring. Nice touch, show. -1

Gender neutral bathrooms. -1

Five’s expression when the Handler continues talking to him as she is peeing. -1

The Handler talks to Five while peeing. Gross. +2

His expression when she starts coughing is so funny. -1

Rugae +1

The Handler peeks over the door of the bathroom stall. +10

Cha Cha says, “Sure, shoot” when Hazel asks if he can ask her a question. +1

Where did the gunshot come from if Cha Cha didn’t shoot Hazel? I get they’re using it to make us think that she did, but there is no other explanation for the noise. +1

Luther frantically searching for his moon research makes me very sad. +1

Also, I’m kind of bored with this episode at this point. It’s such a low episode with the only interesting parts that make me as excited as the last episode Number Five, being the Commission parts. Everything else is kind of boring. Pick up the pace, show. +1

Reggie is a dick to Luther. +7

Luther looks so lost and broken and sad. I’m sad. Fuck you, Reggie. +1

Why the fuck was Luther carrying an axe?? +2

And rope?? +2

When and where did Luther find the time and money to get the engraved gold locket for Allison? This interaction is so full of plot holes and stupidity. +1

However, Cameron Brodeur and Eden Cupid do well with this dumb writing. -1

Seriously, who wrote this scene? The fact that I can’t bring myself to care about what is going on right now says a lot. +1

Reggie jump scare. +1

Cliche record scratch. How did that happen? Did Luther or Allison bump into it? Sin for lack of clarity and for destroying a record. +1

“Fun and games are restricted to Saturdays between noon and half past noon” Reggie is a dick to his children. +7

Klaus and Diego bonding. Literally? -1

Ben is in this scene! -1

I forgot how weird the soundtrack is for this scene. It’s too ominous. Scoring is important. +1

“Dave must have been a very special person to put up with all your weird-ass shit.” -1

“He was kind and strong and vulnerable and beautiful” that’s great, show. Why don’t you show us that instead of having Klaus say it. Just once scene where Dave shows these qualities so that he’s a real person instead of someone created to drive Klaus’s storyline? Please? +1

I feel really bad for Ben in this scene. From Ben’s perspective, he wasn’t good enough to motivate Klaus to get sober, but this random guy was. Ben angst. +1

Also, Justin Min manages to convey this without any lines. Major props. That takes some serious skill. -2

Bro. +1

“Everyone I like is already dead”. Fridging. +1

I can’t tell if this is Ben walking away or if this is the transition between Diego and Klaus’s point of views. If this is meant to imply the pov switch, It would have been easier to have Ben disappear from the same spot. If it’s Ben walking away because he can’t take being told that he isn’t good enough to get sober for, Ben angst. Either way, it’s a sin. +1

“Aww shit! I need to pee.” Diego’s expression is amazing. -1

“If this [having powers] is even true, everything I know about myself would be different.” That is Vanya’s storyline in a nutshell. This line is really underrated. -1

All of Leonard’s lines point towards the book. All of them. Which makes total sense. -1

Vanya is starting to show more sass and personality because the pills are gone. I wish fanfic writers would explore this. Including myself, I am sinning fanfic writers for not taking into account how cool Vanya is without the meds. +1

“I’m sorry you got stuck with the ordinary one” See! +1

“Ordinary” This word keeps coming up. Probably because of the whole rumor situation that we’re not supposed to know about yet. Rewatches are fun. -1

“My life is so weird” “I like weird”. And if you weren’t such a colossal creep, Leonard/Harold, I would like you too. This line is super sweet. Sin for manipulation. +1

Ellen Page isn’t my girlfriend. Have you seen this scene recently? She looks so cute/hot/beautiful here. +1

No transition, just straight from Leonard and Vanya kissing to The Handler slurping her smoothie. It’s jarring. +1

I want to know why they decided that killing Archduke Ferdinand would start World War I. Noodle incident. +1

“I had a bad Twinkie in the apocalypse once. Kinda put me off desserts.” Yet you still ate the fluffernutter sandwich, Five? +1

The Handler’s office is really cool. Once again, set designers you win this one. -1

Why would Five go straight for a decade instead of a flavor? How does something taste like the 1950s before it tastes like a popular candy from the time for example? +1

The suit is blue like the rest of the time travel assassins have. This suggests a uniform that the Commission didn’t make Five wear before, and suggests a sort of power play. Details. -1

The Handler is a fucking creep. +1

“M26 grenades from the Vietnam war”. This is the comment that sparked the theory that the Commission killed Dave. I want answers. +1

The candy that tastes like the 50s is really chewy. Why is Five still chewing it? +1

The Handler gives Five a pistol and he doesn’t immediately shoot her, which suggests that the pistol is empty. So why was the grenade still operational if the other weapons were not? You would think she would make sure that the grenades couldn’t be used against her. +1

The Handler is a fucking creep. I think Aidan Gallagher was a little uncomfortable in this scene. The look in his eyes isn’t something you can fake. +1

Kate Walsh is an awesome actress. -1

Out of all the candies in the bowl, Five conveniently takes one that is an actual candy and one that is a tracker. +1

So I want to talk about Luther. I think the show did him a great disservice by setting up his story this way. Compared to the Commission stuff, Luther’s story arc doesn’t seem important, hence the “Dad sent me to the Moon” jokes. If this was in a better order, then maybe the fandom would like Luther more. Not that I know what that order should have been, but it definitely shouldn’t have been this one. This whole episode seems kind of disorganized and Luther’s character suffers for it. After this sin, I’m going to shut up about it, so I’ll just add a few and move on. +5

“Four years of my life. A lie” “What an asshole” That’s a bit of an understatement, Allison. Seriously, this Moon research has got to have some value to it. Luther was studying the moon for four fucking years. Who knows what kind of crazy shit he could have found out about the moon’s atmosphere and what the Earth was like when the moon split from it. Those soil samples would tell us a lot about what the developing planet Earth was like. Luther’s moon research is important scientific material. And Reggie just locked it away. +3

This scene is excellent independently. Tom Hopper and Emmy Raver-Lampman play off each other extremely well. -1

“Can I show you something?” +1

The tools in the greenhouse have not moved in seventeen years. +1

And neither has the dust free record player. +1

Two cans of generic cola from seventeen years ago. And these two morons drink them. The family brain cell is dying. +1

This is such a sibling moment. Trying to do something nice and then it all goes up in flames? Sibling. Culture. -1

You know what isn’t sibling culture? The fucking locket. +3

This is a really human moment for Cha Cha. Burning the note shows that deep down, she cares about Hazel. -1

However, I don’t understand why she’s so pissed about Agnes. Is the show trying to ship Hazel and Cha Cha? Because that would be a stretch and I really don’t see it. +1

Klaus asking for one last hit is believable. Diego’s reaction is really good too. Well done. -1

Klaus’s ptsd. Putting my boy through trauma. +1

The wound on Dave’s chest has to be an exit wound. He was behind the barrier, so there’s no way he could have been shot from the front by the enemy. Someone (like a Commission agent) shot him from the back. So I guess we sort of got answers? I’m going to sin this until we know for sure. +1

Klaus is distraught. My poor boy. +1

Why is the chandelier still on the ground? You would think somebody would have attempted to pick that up at this point, right? It’s been two days. +1

Grace’s more relaxed hairstyle shows that she isn’t under Reggie’s strict control anymore. The tight pin curls are now replaced by gorgeous waves. Symbolism, well done hair stylist. -1

Grace lies because Pogo is standing behind Diego. Otherwise, I think she would have told him the truth right then and there. Secrets. +1

Yo, @ Luther. Who the fuck eats a hot dog like that? +1

Also, it was bright daylight when Diego was talking to Grace and now it’s pitch black out. What happened in those hours? +1

Talking about their regrets, Allison says “we can’t go back”. Insert every season 2 headcanon and the whole “Where are they?” tag line from the season 2 promos. +1

Allison attempts to see the silver lining of child abuse. This works and is a valid coping mechanism that I think is totally in character. Well done, writers. -1

The kiss on the cheek is very “this is the last time I will see my sibling whom I love very dearly and who also loves me for me”. This should have been it for Allison and Luther kissing because it’s a really good moment. -1

I love the dancing in the moonlight scene because it’s a reference to something from the comics. -1

The choreography is really, really good. Emma Portner fucking rules. -1

And I love the earrings that Allison is wearing. No joke, someone please tell me where I can find them, they’re adorable and I would love to have them. -1

However, the show made us see two sibling characters kiss. In a very romantic way. +15

And it’s very clear that this kiss happens outside of the fantasy too. +15

Also, without the lights and the music, were Allison and Luther just two weirdos dancing in the park to nothing? +1

The transition to get back to the Commission is really good. -1

“Gloria. The Handler knows that Five is up to something. Get this to Hazel and Cha Cha immediately.” Was the extra info about Five necessary? I feel like a regular person wouldn’t say that. +1

Gloria doesn’t know who the second best assassins are. +1

Five gets that stapler out of nowhere. This goes back to his unexplained power from episode 1, but now the question is: Is this switching power stapler based? +1

Five’s expression when he finally gets the name of the man who will cause the apocalypse. -1

And now we know the origin of the terminate Hazel message. Five, you clever bastard. -1

Did we see the terminate Cha Cha message before this? I can’t remember. If we didn’t then it’s a great reveal. If we did, then I didn’t care enough to pay attention. [I looked back] We didn’t. Great reveal. -1

Five, hide your bodies better so they don’t start waking up for comedic timing. +1

The comedic timing of Gloria waking back up. -1

“You’re a first rate pragmatist!” no he’s not. Have you been paying attention to Five’s character at all, Handler? If he was, then he never would have broken his contract because he was safe in the Commission.+1

Also, this is what a lot of fanfic writers base Five off of. Not his actual character, this fucking line. Sin for the fandom. +1

Why did they have to split up this scene? The Handler just attempted to shoot Five and now we’re supposed to care about Mom and Diego?? +1

Grace finally gets to tell the truth! Sin for Pogo and Reggie for forcing her to lie. +1

The truth. -1

The Commission desk people do care about Gloria. Caring. -1

Vanya finding Reggies book. This could have been the original trigger to the apocalypse in the first timeline. I want answers. How did it go down originally? +1

Dave! -1

“I do owe a debt. But it’s not to you.” This is one of those lines that will be referenced in a future season. “See, [this character and/or relationship] was referenced in season 1” or something like that. This is my favorite Five line, too. -2

Five once again stands too close to an explosion. Fuckin’ run, dude! +1

The ending of this episode reminds me of the “and it was all just a dream” ending that 5th graders write. Nothing in this episode has any consequences. +3

And I am adding back the sins I took off and then some for the important bits like Diego and Klaus bonding, Grace telling Diego all the secrets, and Klaus seeing Dave. +4

Wednesday. 8:15 A.M. (...again). The time stamp is pretty good though. -1

“What gives us a win this time?” And then Five appears. -1

Five snatches Allison’s coffee. And he should be bleeding from the shrapnel wound. +2

Allison’s face when Five snatches her coffee. -1

Diego, Luther, Klaus, and Allison are all watching Five stumble weird and chug Allison’s coffee with the funniest expressions. I want to know what they were thinking. Ya know, beyond “What the Fuck?”. +1

Those expressions, though. -1

“So if y’all don’t get your sideshow acts together” Five this whole season has been you saving the world and everyone else as a sideshow act. That’s gonna take a lot more effort than saving the world. +1

Aidan Gallagher fucking nails this scene. Expletive required. This is why I respect him as an actor. This scene would have been so easy to over act, but he kills this monologue.  -5

If you look closely at Five’s hair, it looks sort of like the triangular shape from the comics. I can’t tell if that was intentional, but it was a good detail. Hair department. -1

“Who the hell is Harold Jenkins” followed by a coffee slurp. That is how they end the episode? Really? It would have been stronger without the coffee. +1

Season 2 comes out on July 31, 2020! I got the announcement just as I was finishing this episode! I’ll take off a sin because we finally know! Whoop!! -1

Overall review:

After the powerhouse that is episode 5, this episode feels odd and out of place. My favorite parts were the Commission parts, and everything else felt like an interruption. Even more so when you consider that the commission parts are the only parts of the episode that actually happened. Sure, it’s great character building, but without any consequences, it feels cheap. I feel like I’ve said everything I needed to say, so I won’t get crazy with the analysis. I would say more if anything in this episode actually mattered. 

Total: 112

Sentence: The Umbrella Academy of Reacting to things Slowly due to Stupidity. Say that 10 times fast. Then I will undo all your hard work through the power of time travel. Seriously, fuck this ending. 

[inspector-montoya-fox]

#11 - A Tangled Web

Setting: oh, boy...... where do i even start with this one? welcome to your worst nightmare, or as Sly puts it a well-fortified gothic nightmare. if you thought Jailbreak was the embodiment of fear, A Tangled Web is ten times that. i mean, it doesn’t really develop any of the previous Prague characteristics because they’re the same, but the towering buildings really hone the spookiness. developments in the story also add to the fear factor. the Contessa has been ousted from Interpol and is now facing newly-promoted Neyla’s wrath. i’m thinking about what Hitchcock said on suspense and how having a bomb go off is scary, but having the people anticipate the blast is even scarier. that’s the case here. war is about to erupt and the gang is caught right in the middle of it all. although the fighter planes are casually attacking the castle and tanks are roaming the area throughout the episode, the operation establishes that full-out war is the climax for this episode. despite all this, the gang is united again and is ready to take down the Contessa. i absolutely love how there are two areas in this hub: Neyla’s side and Contessa’s side. Neyla’s side is a charming European town, reminiscent of Jailbreak’s hub. Contessa’s side is an intricate maze, full of arches, bridges, stained glass windows, crypts, dungeons and a cottdamn cemetery. similar to The Predator Awakes, i often get lost when playing this episode. the hub’s two areas also highlight the war aspect because it shows how there’s two indefinite sides to the subject, even though both characters (Neyla and the Contessa) are villains. essentially, the gang is a tiny league of their own swept up between a boiling feud. the safehouse is placed upon stairs to show how the gang doesn’t belong on Neyla’s side. as soon as you walk down those stairs, you face the danger of ruthless tanks (one of the game’s most annoying “guards”). the gang is definitely not welcome here. the hub’s architecture comes into play a lot throughout the episode: you have to climb the highest high to get to the Re-Education Tower and crawl under sewer tunnels to get to some of the crypts. some crypts are water-based, some are medieval trap-based, some are full-on coffin-based. and the missions really emphasise this as most of them have the gang traverse through a variety of rooms. fab.

Characters: before i touch upon the Contessa, i just wanna say, Carmelita’s back, after an episode of being completely MIA. yeap, right off the bat we find out she’s being held captive by the Contessa, who wants to turn her brain into mush. things are looking dire. for Sly, this brings back memories of Clockwerk’s lair. we haven’t seen Carmelita this defeated since she was Clockwerk’s hostage. this just further proves what a force the Contessa is. i love Carmelita’s lines in this episode (e.g. Let me out of here and I'll readjust your face!). Sly calls her his violent little princess and honestly that encapsulates everything. A Tangled Web overturns everything we thought we knew about Carmelita. after missing out on an entire episode, she’s being held captive for the majority of this one, and when she’s finally freed, she’s out of control. so we see two new sides of Carmelita: first restraint and then extra-powerful. the latter is due to her taking control of the tank at the end of the episode. she blasts the Contessa’s blimp down and even gets her hands on one of the Clockwerk eyes for a bit. Carmelita’s frenzy eventually winds down when (we’re informed via cutscene) that the gang helps her make a quick escape. so, basically, she’s back. let’s talk about the Contessa. as i’ve said above, the Contessa is an absolute force. i’m so happy to see a female villain surpass the other villains and their brute force. mind over matter, baby. absolute savage Jean Bison can’t follow up the Contessa’s act because he’s just plain muscle. in A Tangled Web, the Contessa is in her prime. i don’t know if she thrives under pressure or something, but she’s reached a divine level, elevating her persona and delivering PRICELESS dialogue such as I'm above all that, above good and evil. this episode is what makes her my favorite villain. SP gave her the “psychology trait” and took that to its full extent by having her psychoanalyze every character, almost drive Carmelita mad, and then try to hypnotise Sly. similarly to Rajan, the hub’s architecture resembles its baddie by having all those arches and tunnels resemble the Contessa’s spider legs. in the end, we get to fight her, head-to-head. it’s a great bossfight, albeit simple. but i want to focus on the dialogue during the bossfight. we have a character that knows Sly. again, only Clockwerk was that familiar with the Coopers. the rest of the villains up until this point (up until Dr M, that is) have been goons and crooks. but the Contessa, having researched Sly and his psychological profile, actually knows him. i know i speak for all of y’all when i say that You're an ignorant child playing dress-up in his father's legacy is A Tangled Web’s absolute climax. because it hits so hard. oof. it all just culminates and gives this marvel of a character an awesome conclusion. so now, we naturally have to talk about Sly. it’s been a hot minute since the raccoon’s had some character development. after being double-crossed, trapped and then had some reconnecting with his friends, he’s back. and he feels kinda different. i mean, he’s still the fun-loving, sarcastic Cooper we all love, but i think he’s started considering the gravity of the situation. Sly 1 saw Sly gradually realize what he was going up against, level after level. in Sly 2, he had to be cocky enough to get betrayed and thrown into jail before coming to the realization that the stakes are high. the episode starts with Sly saying Time for a little payback in full seriousness, and ends with him saying I tried to put it all out of my mind. This Klaww business was spiraling out of control and I knew that my gang was at the center of it. yeap. this set of episodes has definitely changed Sly. and i think having the Contessa mention his dad really pushes him even further. when he says sHE’s GOT THE EYE!?!!!? you really feel it (?). and finally, Neyla. ah, we finally get to see her true colors (at least that’s what we think). the cutscenes’ animation really does a great job in outlining what a war mongrel she really is. stomping around with her Timberland boots and barking out orders, having a hoard of tanks and fighter planes follow her. she’s absent for the majority of the episode but finally makes a grand entrance at the end. and the deception is brilliant. SP presented her as an angry war leader, had her hide in her HQ for most of the episode and only showed her making offensive moves towards the Contessa. so we were all shocked when she sneaked into the Re-Education Tower at the end. it was so un-war-mongrel-like, further proving that Neyla can easily shed her skins and how versatile she is. she’s like the yin to Sly’s yang..... until she gets stuck in a web.... *sigh*

Themes: when i say war, you say theme: war theme ! hear me out, this episode is very character-driven, but the themes are heavy too. having the episode take place right in the middle of a war is a new direction for the series. in the past, every episode had a different location and different aesthetic, but it was usually the gang stealing stuff in the night. here, we’re in an active warzone. the fighting heightens tensions and adds pressure to an already tough situation. the theme also embodies the characters and the hub. if Neyla is the embodiment of war (tanks, planes, etc.) and the Contessa is personified by her gothic estate, it further highlights how the former has the latter quite literally surrounded. tanks have driven the Contessa into her estate, surrounded by water, and the planes keep attacking the buildings inside. all this might and fury places the two villains onto pedestals. the theme is present everywhere: the Prague sky is especially red in order to exhibit the wrath of war, some of the missions take on a destructive nature (Mojo Trap Action, Tank Showdown). we all know war never ends well, and that’s exactly what happens: the gang is forced to flee at the end, barely managing to obtain both Clockwerk eyes. lastly, the fear theme is still present from last episode, but ties in with the war theme. the architecture, the guards and the missions still emit fear, but fear of war overshadows everything else. so, essentially, the war preserves the fear aspect and even sharpens it. and then, there’s the theme of defiance which fits in perfectly with the war theme. we’ve reached the end of this set of great episodes and the characters are fed up. as i’ve mentioned above, after Carmelita breaks free, she wreaks havoc. she’s been warning the Contessa about breaking free and there was doubt, but she succeeds and that shows defiance against her captor. Sly defies Neyla, after she double-crossed him. this is the first encounter between the two after what went down in India and the chase is great. both are defiant in their own way and that’s why their remarks bounce back. and finally, Sly’s defiance towards the Contessa. i mean, she’s been pulling the strings and been suppressing the gang for two episodes straight so it’s only natural for Sly to beat the shit out of her. and again, the dialogue here is absolute gold. there’s even defiance towards Bentley, when Sly doesn’t stick to the plan and goes rogue (lmao). i guess the last theme, or rather motif, here ties into the theme of defiance, because it’s mischief and tricks. i mean, it’s a form of defiance, so there you have it. even though the situation is extreme and the stakes are high, the gang seems to be having as much fun as ever. in Stealing Voices, there’s that great gag with Bentley imitating Neyla. Tank Showdown sees Murray try to fit into that tiny-ass tank in a cartoony manner and then squash all the guards in his way. Ghost Capture has Sly break a coffin in order to unleash pesky ghosts and then try to capture them by taking pictures of them. and i’m sorry, but every time General Clawfoot blurts out gibberish i crack up. there’s contrast between the war’s grimness and the way the gang handles the missions, and it’s great. i guess it’s comedic relief during harsh times.

What I Like: the character development, the themes and the quotes! i mean, analyzing this episode is my favorite thing about it. it’s a reminder that Sly 2 has the best and most well-constructed narrative in the series. favorite detail would have to be the guillotine. it’s so fun cutting the rope and watching it drop. so yea.

What I Don’t Like: i’ll be honest with you - this episode’s missions weren’t the best. they felt like small tasks to build up an excellent, narrative-driven operation. i mean, abducting General Clawfoot was a brief one and Stealing Voices felt too similar to Ghost Capture and Mojo Trap Action. and, sorry SP, but having me drive the tank as Murray twice felt like punishment...

Quote: deciding what gets included here is literally the most difficult thing i’ve ever had to do. how can i pick between utterly ICONIC lines such as Weren't you listening? She was an Evil Wolf Priestess and You're an ignorant child playing dress-up in his father's legacy. the latter never fails to send shivers down my spine. i honestly can’t do it. the whole damn episode is a fucking quote.

[roseprincesskristina]

Zero's Delicious Revenge

((Hey guys and gals. Just wanna revamp a few sentences to make really clear and steamy for ya. Once again for those who are young, you don't need to read this fiction. It's for adults only. So without any further ado, please enjoy the story! 😊))

Downwards into the dark yet unknown torture room, somewhere hidden or secret underneath the Hunter Base, that no one, not even the pacifist hunter would even try to find out about it. For it is unlike any other styles that anyone saw into a horror movie or shows watched on TV. Someone crazed for domination to arrive towards humanity to become rid of from earth before the true beginning of a new world for only the strongest reploids to stand by his side until there's nothing left. A former commander of the Maverick Hunters whose morality have morphed from sane to mad due to the unavoidable Wily Virus, have been chained against or to the walls built with auto control restraints just to cease him from planning to flee. He is known as Sigma, supreme king of the Mavericks. He would slowly open his eyes to regain his consciousness. The last thing that he had remembered is from the previous battle with Zero, now becoming stronger than he was in the past and won. Secondly, thinking about trying to become victorious until the continuation of his usual schemes by erasing the existence of all organic individuals once and for all. Before delivering the drastic finale, the fire colored hunter would then pull out a powerful trick from his sleeve, by transforming into the unstoppable Absolute Zero. Ending the epic duel at once with a quick swift of his Calamitous Arts, damaging his arch foe without hesitation thus far. Humiliation has clothed him for his arrogance against the Class A sword wielder, the sins poured upon his greatness as punishment for the destruction of mankind while his enemy calls for backup to arrest him. 

"This is not over yet, hunter... In return, I will regain my dream of creating a new world for only the strongest reploids to become free of the disdainful humans..." Pledged the defeated boss, growling of vengeance. Before escorting him to the containment jail, the scarlet crusaders proceeded toward him with hands planted on the hips and smirked at him mockingly.

"Honestly, I hardly felt bad for you, Sigma. For your so called dreams for a grand world, always end up being turned into ruin by us Maverick Hunters. And yet, you still don't learn. But don't worry, I'm sure you'll earn yourself a private underground cell for not so long time until you're a good boy." He chuckled. "And by the way, I'll be your harden warden from now on." Then he patted the bald villain's head until snapping his fingers as a signal for the other hunters to take him away to HQ.

And now, here he is. Trapped within the doorless shack of a prison facility, covered into the wounds of his nemesis's claws and arms completely destroyed or hacked off permanently.

"Argh.... C...Curse him.... I had almost dismantled him if I didn't gain the chance to strike him down before his transformation...." Staggered the irregular boss, coughing up a few drops of blood while trying to speak clearly. "W...Where am I? And....what happened to my arms?!"

His answers to a few mysterious questions was right above him the entire time, from the last fight as he was hanging upside down like a bat into the cave. But this time, he's the repli-fied version.

"He he he he he he...... Oh poor useless commander... You still haven't learn, have you? Always posing yourself as the large hotshot whose too perfect to clean his pride... Or maybe to wash his own ass..." Said the unknown reploid. Chuckling darkly at his failure.

"You... Show yourself this instant and face me!" Screamed the big boss of the Maverick society, looking into a slow condition to view who is was.

A surprise has rained down upon him when the blacked themed android hovers by land, revealing himself to him as, you guest it, Zero. He grinned with a menacing plot in store for the scarred villain in chains, with no arsenal or hands to protect him from his deadly claws.

"Peek-a-boo...."

"So it is you, Zero..."

"Hello, Sigma... How do you like your new home? It suits your doomed misery quite well, obviously. But enough of that. Because I'm your worst nightmare now and this time, my revenge for turning me against my boyfriend by your pathetic control is strongly personal.... "

"Hmph... Ignorant hunter.... Do you really think your feeble threats would even phase me, the unbeatable Sigma? You're completely out of your elements..." He scoffed. "No one would ever hope to defeat m-!"

Then, he was interrupted by the clawed hand grasping violently just to shut him up. But the goth themed vampire was still calm with expression, not even amazed by his gloating whatsoever.

"Sigma Sigma Sigma... Seriously, are you even listening to yourself? That sad attempted speech of yours is always humiliating to me. Plus, it really annoys the hell out of me completely more than Axl's immaturity. No matter what you always do in order to change the world for your disgusting amusement, it will always fail by my hands, including X's. Using me as your so called "prized creation" just to force my decisions into beating my beloved boyfriend, but not this time. Nor ever. From now on, I'm in control of my own self today, and let's just say, that you're positively shit out of luck here. Without your precious minions to cover your helpless ass or anything that you hold dear within your pockets, it's all gone. Every. Single. One. And guess what, big boy? You're gonna be much more fun to play with when nobody's even around to interrupt our alone time... And additionally, my bitch..."

Proceeding his face and body towards him into a close action while placing the claws onto his chest, grinning once more but showing his devious white diamond fangs. Ready to pierce some flesh and synthetics. Before doing to what Sigma would've thought of his opponent would do, he whispers into his ear port with a flirtatious manner.

"But you know what, I think you're actually kinda hot when you're vaguely miserable and weak in that naughty condition~ In fact, it makes me very, VERY horny to just suck your wounded lips right now~ And mostly, I find you aggressively attractive~" He said with a quiet yet sultry tone, placing his hands onto the big bad wolf's cheeks. Staring into his eyes before the beginning of this "tortuous interrogation". "How about a little fun, or maybe perhaps, a kiss~?"

"W...What?!" He said in a surprised state, weakly blushing. Hardly anything in his mind to reply, but alas, he was silenced by the biting kiss in the mouth.

"Hissssssssssssss~ Hush your shitty tongue, "commander"~ And let me drain your glorious bravery from your broken chatterbox...sexually~" Hissed the terrifying blood sucker silently, attempting to zip his trap by pressing his mouth into the former commanding officer's.

And finally during the horrifying talk towards him, the blond demon would desperately began to make out with his enemy all over as well as the jacked neck. Hands stroking from behind the back so smoothly, running his tongue across the face and travels into his mouth by a deep kiss. So hungrily that the core inside of him is pleading for more, but his revenge needs it instead.

"Mmmph! Mmmph!" He once again shouted, trying to break away the unbreakable mouth lock.

"Mmmm~ Oh yes~ I want to hear your crying squeals, big boy~ It really increases my thirsty needs~" Moaned Zero, craving for more of such delectable hollers. How it does represent the music to his hearing ports. Much more beautiful to enjoy.

In difficult situations like the ones during a kidnapping scene, where a victim was abducted by a criminal for a proper beating of sexual abuse in order to get what they want. Right now, it's almost similar to what the winged Wily bot is doing to the irregular king, but with a tortuous seduction with no conclusion until vengeance has been earned immediately. He is strongly mad for such a massive neck like Sigma's during his love making madness. Scratching his bald head into a circulatory motion, slurping in his mouth all forcibly as the starving loin waiting for his prey to appear for dinner. Such depraved agony for the doomed ex commander, now trapped within the palms of his vampiric warden.

He finally started to shiver in cowardice increasingly due to the visions he had. Now, that nightmare has came true to scare away his soul, if he had one. Attempting to retrieve his bravery by shrugging his head to get away, but a futile trickery such as that will grant him the maximum dose of terrorized punishment.

"It's effortless to think about fighting back in your weak condition, big man~ In fact, there isn't gonna BE any hope for you now~ He he he he~" Chuckled the menacing android. Continuously slobbering more pain and destruction upon the crushed master of evil. Instead, with a passionate position during his permanent mouth to mouth kiss.

"Mmmmph....!  Mmmmmmmph!"

"Mmm~ Mmmmmm~ God, your bruised lips are so hot, papa~ It's just the way I like it for the first time~ The desirable pain from you has gotten me REALLY satisfied~" For he's quite right, this torturing phenomenon was incredibly intriguing to him. "Give it to me, ya big bitch~"

"You are...foolishly insane, Zero...." Coughed the battered evil doer, whose spirit will be crushed soon until the nightmare was over.

"That's right~ I'm correctly bat shit for your helplessness showering all over me, running all over my crotch just to please me~ But now, I want more from you~" Licking his pale lips of a starving attitude, he approached himself to the large baddie for a second of his weaken but scrumptious kiss.

"Pucker up, daddy~" Whispered the hard killing droid, yearning for some kinky tongue to tongue action. Inserting his into the enemy for a slow search of his cowardice to eat. Deeper than ever before.

Sigma, also known as the ultimate leader of all things irregular who rules with a powerful yet gruesome fist than iron, has now become the frantic victim of unlimited chaos which is standing in front of him. No hope, dreams, weapons or arms. All that he have ever possessed was already taken from him by force. Along with his rank, popularity, fearlessness and spirit, now belonging to the evil dark themed hunter to steal. It was all over for him as he began to talon his whole body, instead of ripping it off. Having his entire armor to freeze with more restraint. Greatly scared for his life, Zero forcibly pins him to the wall for some delectable playtime at last. Or otherwise, his dinner.

"Well, Sigma~ I'd really hate to stop our get together activity so soon, however, there's nothing more better than to snack onto something....fierce~ Ah~ And finally it was there in front of me the whole time~"

"No.... P...Please.... I beg of you.... Anything but this...." He shattered with fear.

"Shhh~ Don't worry, big bear~ I'm fully aware that it won't hurt....much~" Purred the onyx incubus, with red eyes glowing unlike the dangerous monster in the closet.

The grand finale has made its appearance, for the long patience has been concluded at last. He tilted his head closely to the neck of a muscular maverick who is permanently victimized and surrounded by the ghosts of Nightmare Viruses floating above him, taunting his failures for not destroying the elite forces or to achieve his desires for a paradise world for reploids only. All will go against him for eternity when it comes to weaknesses. For he had no other choice but to give in of being a slave.

"Do as you wish.... For I lack the reason to live without the purpose... You have won... Maverick Hunter Zero..." He finally admitted towards him. Losing his chances to establish a new world to rid the humans from hoping to ever exist alongside reploids.

"Now that's more like it~... But unfortunately, it's too late for apologies this time~"

Then, finally, he have inserted his fangs deeply into his opponent's neck, sexually feasting in peace until Sigma began to scream loudly just to satisfy his extreme vengeance forever.

"ARRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Yeeeeeeeeessss~ Scream for me now, big daddy~" He whispered, impaling the pointed fangs deeper.  Ohh, you're such a naughty maverick, aren't ya~? Looks like I'm gonna have to punish you more~" Aroused Zero.

He kept preying even harder, but moans in complete and utter silence while holding the threatening villain down. Wrapping his arms around the body to claw diagonally into a calm pace to full his enjoyment. Grinding his black armored anatomy onto his with extreme lust, grasping his enormous ass with one of his hands and slaps it into a hot way during his fun time. Secondly, participated into the tongue lock as well before folding his wings around both of them for a darker privacy in mind. WIthout interferences.

"Mmmmmm~ Oh Sigma~ Sweet Sigma~ How I love your terrifying squeals of the night~ For it bounds before my superiority as the new and true badass of Abel City to welcome my powerfulness~ Feed me more of your fear~ For my hunger for revenge has reached its end~ But my meal will never become the conclusion~" He spoke, licking his ear port all the way. Once again, hissing very loudly to return to the neck for an endless supper.

"No.... It couldn't be....No! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

"He he he.... Keep howling, Sigma boy~ But nobody's gonna hear it from you~ And now, it's dinner time~" Running his extended tongue once more and across his decimated body before going back on his dinner. Caressing over his steel crotch by interest has shown a lustful smirk upon his pale face for just a little scavenger hunt.

"Damn, Sigma~ That's a nice looking bolt you got down here~" Impressed the shadowed blonde, soothing the maverick lord's glory box.

"U...Ugh...." Groaned the threatening villain whose throat have been crippled, felt of his rival's bladed claws tighten of the grasp by the crotch.

"Mmm~ You know, it would be very bad of me just to ruin a sexy piece of massiveness, but it makes a perfect chance for me to punish it~" And so, with that of a remarkable thought in mind of interrogation, he grips the golden treasure of his arch enemy due to the extreme hardness, provoking the scarred eyed devastator to groan of a scream for a clear taste. Including a few slappings, motioning, etc to force him to cry.

"Oh yes~ I wanna hear more of your agonizing squeals, big baby~ it makes my body feel so hot~" Intrigued the black clad vampire. "Even your low hardness really inspires my interests when I "abuse" it~"

And so, he does that when dominating the large superior's hard bolt so sensually. Caressing, groping along with a little thirsty cheek licking to rise up the mood of this dungeon as well as his interests. 

"Man, you must've been exercising that brave box quite a lot, Sigma~" He meowed, while running his tongue all over the face. "But, I bet it can hardly survive against my bloody palms~"

"Grr...." He snarled, like an impatient toddler. 

"Oh there's no need to get all pouty, my commanding slave~ While I'm the king of this jungle, all I can do now is torment your fragile yet gorgeous body with mine~ All the time~" Leaning his body against the enemy's for an even fascinating fun, secondly with his hand remained attached towards the harden maverick jewel by grip. Purring rapidly into his ear port and advancing his tongue all over him including the neck, legs, lips and ears. Grinding endlessly, anatomy to anatomy into a sensually condition. Every single time or day and night. 

"U...Unh..." Moaned the irregular predator, who either enjoys the torment or despise it. 

"Mmmm~ Come on, big bitch~ You know you love it when I ground you for being a naughty maverick~" He hissed seductively, taking the other hand to spank his massive ass. "Unh~ Mmm~ Now who's your master~? 

"H...Hmph..." He refused. But without his bravery or fearlessness to save him from the clad hunter. "You are...."

"Good boy~ Now let me kiss you and everything you have, so violently~" He purred again, pulling his face towards for an aggressive lip to lip in order to please his hunger. Deeply with force all over with no stopping whatsoever, along with the grabbing of the ass and polishing his body by smooth grinding. 

"Unh.... U... Unh...."

"Oh yes~ Yes~ Give it to me, big boy~ Unh~ Unh~ God, you're even more sexier in your disintegrated state~" He moaned without ever needing to rest. 

Then, the enormous overlord have descended his heartbroken tears from his peers, wanting the ex maverick to wipe them all out by his tongue and silencing his sobbing with a relaxing mouth lock once more. Returning to yet another of his private torture by sensually neck kissing all the way before it's done.

"Mmm~ Your bold neck is so delectable and yet, very sexy as hell, big daddy~" He said to the leader of the mavericks with an invigorating tone, making love to it. "Somehow, I'm amused of its crippled feature right now, but I still think of it as honestly hot~"

And that, it's absolutely true. For the horrid neck does look very tasty at its best for the shadow armored hunter's sexual liking. For his attempt to abuse it for a slight minute would even cause him to blush of naughtiness. Or perhaps something else. But no matter to him anyway for his continuation of the victim's neck will be the most scrumptious meal of all.

"C...Curse you once more, Zero.... Curse your impudent foolishness for destroying my schemes...." Growled the half broken mad maverick weakly.

"Aww, tryna burf out your little insults at me~? Now that's not very nice at all~ But since you've been an honest prick of a maverick, I'll decide to let you off with a warning~" Spoke the reploid demon. Slurping his tongue all across the ear port and the bulk chest before going back to his playful supper.

"I'm gonna enjoy violating you in your dreams so badly, bitch~" He said, continuously crippling the ex superior by punishing his body after everything he took away that was dear to him, sucking on his nose and mouth very hard.

"Y...You barbaric maniac..." He spilled. All cramped and battered from an endless torture. 

"Mmm~ I love it when your low level insults kept pouring all over me~ It feels so hot~" The blond was intrigued, caressing his body while imagining himself being showered by his bald nemesis's crappy ridicules. Rocking his tongue around like crazy. Resuming his private business by slobbering once more all over the irregular king by fangs, pleasuring his iron crotch into a loop while breathing a sultry hiss towards his face. 

"Hisssssssssssss~"

"U...Ugh... Argh...."

Unfortunately, his endless playtime with Sigma had almost arrive to a close, but not until it's over as the blonde blade wielder could punish him again by granting a poisonous smooch by the mouth, in order to drain his strategies and movements along. Without any hope not freedom to slice off the unbreakable chains of trapped seduction. He have felt the deadly serum venturing inside his mind or traveling everywhere, losing his consciousness that quickly.

"That's for ruining everyone and both mine as well as my friend's lives by your damn stench of human obliteration.... " Hissed Zero, extending his clawed hand into a reach to grab his prisoner's chin before "cursing" him with one last kiss.

He chuckled as his final words before meeting his critical demise by death.

"Sleep tight forever, my former commander~" He grinned menacingly, pushing his pale yet frost lips with a deep force into the irregular king's. Laying his hands upon his boned face for an icy love/torture making of a lifetime before the gruesome decapitation to shut his existence for good.

"And good riddance~" Before ending the crumbled maverick villain's existence, he offered the frosty smooch once more into the lips for the last time. Never to look or think about his devious comeback no longer.

"Mmmm~ Ahhh~" Gifting him this frosted "curse" should be able to permanently force the arrogant ex leader of HQ to slumber for all eternity until the final decapitation. By a quick swipe of his claws to end the life of Sigma, severing his head from the body. "And lastly, thanks for the perfect meal~" The deed has been finished. No mavericks, no problems. He then taste his blood by licking his hand. Finger by finger. 

"Mmmm~ Delicious~"

And thus, his revenge has purposely created a new ending. Perhaps a peaceful version, to be exact. However, the full course was no longer done just yet until every drip of blood was driven dry from his body. Thankfully, his very schemes have been declined for good this time. And tranquility had once again return to embrace all beings as well as reploids and humanity. All thanks to the heroic Maverick Hunters.

Few days later when nighttime arises, peace has regain its true colors once more due to the rigorous defeat of the insanely mastermind of the mavericks, plus, to allow all civilians and reploids to live as equals forever. At least for now. Hovering above the building in front of the blissfully snow themed moon,  The dark vampiric droid would be able to live free from the horrid shackles of bad memories grappling him down, or to become a mindless puppet to use for trying to kill the blue B Class. But it's all over. Within his hand, grasps the head of his frighten victim after his "interrogation" from earlier. However, it was quite intriguing. Before descending towards a new mission, he lifted it up and closely to make love by kissing it one last time.

"Thanks again for the wonderful evening we have together, big boy~ Quite a shame that you won't be around to view my victories after all~" He purred, pressing his lips softly and hard deeply into Sigma's. Sadly, that was his first and last tongue kiss he had with the bat themed individual, even though that he is decapitated from his body. Deserting the broken head by hurling it faraway into the ocean of force. 

"And good bye, you sexy bitch~" He blew a kiss after tossing his enemy's damaged head for good, never to be seen again until he heads for a new reconnaissance. 

In conclusion, the war was completely done with as we speak. Not only justice was decently served at last, but his vengeance as well. To him, revenge is the most scrumptious dish ever made cold.

The End

[fallinforaguyfelldownfromthesky]

In the future, as BHO started to become known, rumor has it in the villain community that the great Black Hat is KIND OF possessive with one of his minions. Villains who haven't been to BHO thought the minion must be scarily strong (to match BH's prowess) and seductive (because how else would you enchant evil?) but when they finally meet the minion... It's just the scrawny scientist. And that's when they would conclude the possessiveness is because Flug is BH's golden goose. Nothing more.

No one knew much about Black Hat himself, besides the fact that one did not simply walk into his HQ. You asked your boss, who'd been doing runs like this for a little over a year now, for some advice on how not to die on your first visit to the infamous Black Hat Manor.

You weren't expecting his response to be "Dont get too close to the doc. Black Hat can be kind of...possessive with him."

"Possessive? Possessive how?"

"Possessive like my jealous, bitchy ex." Your boss kept his eyes on the road, but pointed a finger at you sternly. "Anyone asks, I never said that."

"Got it." Though you got nothing at all.

"Keep it cordial, keep it polite, but keep your distance. If you see anything, don't say shit. That's their personal business, and it ain't got nothing to do with us. Just do the job and get on with life."

"Right." What the fuck? There was actually something between Black Hat and one of his minions? And it was his doctor? You knew even less about him, it was the girl people saw out in the field most often. You weren't even entirely sure what the guys name was, Flag or something like that.

What you did know was that he was the head scientist, who designed most if not all of BHO's extensive weapons catalog, and given that he worked directly under (and had a personal relationship with?!) Black Hat...he must be terrifying.

Black Hat was fearsome, and dapper, and rumored to be able to slaughter entire militias within minutes. He was said to have an extremely powerful Gift, if he was even human at all. For all you knew, he was a demon or devil or some otherworldly horror mankind stood no chance against. He also had expensive (and eccentric) tastes only satisfied by the best of the best.

So what on earth would his.......partner be like?! (1/?)

(This deserves so much more, but I dont have time. Tbc at a later date)

[oh-shit-a-baby]

BLACK FRIDAY THOUGHTS PART TWO

A complete compilation of my thoughts throughout the musicals second half,,, this bois going to be real long bc I have a lot of thoughts lol

Now without @drawinglinesinarbitraryplaces :(

Yep dumbledore can still sing

Omg his voice

This song is going to make me cry aaaaa

Becky: you don’t look at all the same as I remember

Me: yeah no shit dumbledore grew a beard

Jesus,,,,, theyre just going to go for it right there,,,,,, ookay

Wtaf is this movie they’re watching

HOLY SHIT HER VOICE IS /PRETTY/ HER RANGE IS HUGE!!!

Idk if this is an unpopular opinion bc no one has an opinion yet but Becky and toms song is the cutest one ever and a bop and I love it

Jesus they payed for a balcony and they’re going to fucking use it aren’t they

WELCOME TO PEIP HQ IM SO DOWN FOR THAT

OH THERE ARE MANY DIMENSIONS????? U GONNA EXPLAIN THAT MR GENERAL MACNAMARA????

The black and white isn’t that what lexs sister was on about

Wiggly is the king u wot m8

President kurt knows nothing about anything and that’s a mood

So if the next movie isn’t about ‘13 years ago’ imma freak

U WANNA SEND ME INTO THE FUCKIN TWILIGHT ZONE AND HAVE DINNER WITH THE DEVIL??????!?!!

NO!!! FUCK THAT!!!!! FUCK THAT!!!!! FUCK THAT!!!!!

^^^president kurt quotes

In short, mr president, we are trying to stop the birth

*dramatic piano*

Of a god.

*dRAMATIC PIANO*

It’s good score tho 10/10

Sherman young

Nuff said

After today’s great battle???

Faith in the one true god!! All hail wiggly!!!

My new religion lol

LET LAKESIDE MALL BE A NEW JERUSALEM!!!!

*cue joey and Robert just screaming wiggly for like 5 mins straight*

NO THEY FOUND LEX

OH YEAH FUCKIN KILL THEM!!!

Who????????

FUCK YEAH LINDA

CULT??? NO! ITS A NEW EXCITING RELIGION THAT I STARTED!!!!

Yeah Gerald

She pronounces Cinnabon as see-nah-bohn what’s up with that lol

I NEED A WIGGLY DOLL...... IDEALLY FOUR OF THEM!!!

IVE MET GOD. HE HAD NOTHING NICE TO SAY ABOUT YOU.

*cue people dying and their mics stopping working*

Holy fuck they all wanna kill Hannah now (lexs sister gets a name now apparently)

LAUREN I LOVE YOU AS A VILLAIN

I would kneel before villain Lauren any day

I will deestroy everything, and then I will deestroy everything, and then I will deestroy everything and then I will oh shit it’s Gerald.

While I don’t want you to think for yourselves I do want you to understand what I mean when I say my evil shit

I’m sorry that choreo is a yike

ETHAN DARLING COME BACK I MISS YOU <<<333333

IM CRYING NOW

He’s in the black and white now we’ll that sounds like shit

NOT ETHAN

Hannah is the unsung hero of this musical so far

*said in wiggly voice* well, webby (Hannah’s spider imaginary friend who I think is gonna be the deus ex machina of this thing) is a stupid bitch!

Rotten little banana. I’m going to peel you. I’m going to split you in two. I’m going to eat you Hannah. I’m going to eat you right now. *all said in dramatic wiggly voice*

Aaand their mics broke again

We don’t get tricked! We’re grown ups!

And Becky and Tom are immediately evil the second they see the wiggly bc of course they are

Jesus beckys the villain???????

Welcome to the musical where everyone gets a villain song AND a hero song??????

Her voice is still beautiful

*Prancing around* DO YOU WANT SOME CANDYYYYY??????

She’s still wearing ethans hat my heart is going to go oh my god

And he just,,,,, leaves Becky to die?????

President Kurt in a space suit oh my god

And America is great again is playing in the background

MACNAMARA SAID ‘GODSPEED’ AND IS THAT A CATCHPHRASE I SENSE THERE

Yeah no president kurt can’t do foreign policy

His name is like howie or something but imma call him president kurt just like Tom was dumbledore for like the first half of this mess

Oh fuck joeys character is here and he’s gonna FUCK PREZ KURT UP

He’s eating an apple that means he’s a asshole

Holy fuck joeys character is like the ultimate capitalist

And also terrifying holy shit

NO MACNAMARA DONT GO IN THERE

Joeys character: Do you think that in the Netherlands they’d care about some toy??? Nah!!! They’re too busy with their free vacations and FREE healthcare!!

(When I refer to joeys character I mean the evil one he just doesn’t have a name yet so idk what to call him)

And joey can still sing I love him

His voice is so good and this whole villain is giving me spies are forever flashbacks

I have absolutely no fuckin clue what’s going on rn

Holy fuck joeys voice is so beautiful and his range is killing me

I take back what I said earlier this song is the best one bc joey

Holy fuck someone just hit like a high d and I have no clue who it was bc the video quality is not the greatest

JESUS THATS TERRIFYING

THE FUCK YOU MEAN DONT BE FRIGHTENED THATS MY SLEEP PARALYSIS DEMON

LOOK AT THIS FUCKER JESUS CHRIST

Wiggly is so scary because he speaks like a child and those are scary

MACNAMARA EX MACHINA

Mac: BEGONE

Prez kurt: SORRY JOHN I FUCKED IT UP

THATS THE HOOK FROM NOT YOUR SEED ISNT IT HOLY SHIT

Joeys voice and acting is gonna kill me

Yeah made in America is the shit

MAC NO U CANT DIE U DIE IN TGWDLM

Also the black and white is a dumb as shit name for an alternate reality

Prez kurt: MERRY CHRISTMAS MOTHERFUCKER!!!!

*wiggly voice* Uh-oh mr prezzy-wez. It seems you’ve misplaced your bomby-womb.

Well shits about to go down

I’m calling it the bomb bombed the White House

Oop no they’ve only gone and lost Moscow

Well fuck here comes ww3 I guess

And prez kurt is definitely insane in the brain

ITS THE HOOK AGAIN THE ‘ALIENS INVADING MINDS’ BIT OH MY GOD I FEEL LIKE A MUSICAL GENIUS

Jesus Sherman is a weird fuck and lex is kinda clever I guess it’s a shame we haven’t seen her for most of the musical

Lex: I THREW EM IN THE FUCKIN TRASH

LEX BABY NO DONT DIE

Lex: Is this what I live for? To be choked in a toy store?

Lexs beautiful song is this musicals version of not your seed but depression

And her voice is /pretty/

MAC?????????????

WHAT??????????????

OH MY GOD HE IS AUTHORISING HER TO USE HIS FIREARM YES QUEEN

I’m sorry lex and Hannah can do what

Jeffs voice kills me him and joey need a duet and that would be the end of me

What did lex just do in so confused

MAC DID THE SALUTE IMMA CRY YALL

And we’re back with Tom

Oh fuck lex is gonna shoot tom

Hold up Tom names his son Tim

Wiggly is playing mind tricks now yikes

Lex: KIDS DONT WANT THAT PEICE OF SHIT!!!

Tom: wat

Lex: THEYRE ALL INTO FORTNITE DUDE!!!!!

So the doll can only fuck with adults not kids???

Jesus Christ this is depressing

U wot lex

Lex: YOURE LIKE 40!!!!! YOU PROBABLY THINK YOURE LIFE IS OVER!!!!

Holy fuck this shit is deep

Wait lex still doesn’t know about Ethan oh my god

And Dylan gets another hero song holy fuck just give Robert a song already everyone else has one

At the same time though this is S a d

I’m not crying you’re crying

YES DUMBLEDORE U HIT THAT HIGH NOTE

Tom: in fact you’re real fuckin ugly

Me: yeah no shit

Lex: FUCK YEAH!!!! Should i move these boxes first?

*cue very clever scene change*

Yeah Gerald no one wants to talk to u

Oh my god Linda leave Hannah and ethans hat alone my heart is breaking for Hannah

Linda: is this some kind of a jooooke?????

They’re gonna set one of their dolls on fire ok ok ok this is fine

More villain songs ookay

If someone could tell me what the fuck is going on in this scene I’d be very impressed

Evil yoga

YES LAUREN U QUEEN

HOLY FUCK IS THAT CHARLOTTE??????

OH MY GOD ITS JAIME IN THE CHARLOTTE COSTUME IT IS CHARLOTTE HOLY SHIT

ITS CHARLOTTE AND THE HOMELESS DUDE HOLY SHIT

The choreo is...... interesting

Cue Robert not-Corey and Lauren being the only good dancers and getting special choreo

FUCK YEAH BECKY WITH THE GUN

LINDA NO

Ookay so everyone’s on fire this is fine

Emma and Paul ex machina

SOMEBODY NUKED MOSCOW!

paul is family third wheeling

YOU KNOW, SHE HAS THIS KOOKY RECLUSIVE BIOLOGY PROFESSOR

*audience fucking looses their shit*

WHO LIVES ON THE EDGE OF TOWN

Paul is having an existential crisi because he sHOULD HAVE WORN A WATCH

Someone’s gonna fall of that staircase by the end of this performance

HOLY FUCK ITS THE HOT CHOCOLATE KID

IT IS THE HOT CHOCOLATE KID OH NY GODDDDD

LOOK AT HIM

It’s the what if tomorrow comes bit!!!!!!!

Okay again this choreo is interesting but the vocals are all S t u n n i n g

They’re literally counting down until the end of the show imma loose my shit that’s the least subtle they’ve been during the entire show

Hang on hang on hang on hang on haaaaang on right there

Did lex just never find out that her boyfriend died we were deprived of a heart wrenching moment when she found out about Ethan

Like jeez I cried and I barely knew him she was dating the guy and just... didn’t ask about him????

ITS THE HOOK AGAIN

That’s it!!!!! Those were my thoughts the first time I watched this through!!!!!!!

Scream at me in the notes with any questions and I’ll try answer them :)