#because some of you missed the whole ass point
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azaharinflames · 16 hours ago
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So, this vent might break containment and metamorphosize into a rant. Apologies.
Anyway. I get why Buck always turns to Maddie for advice for life and relationships. They've been THROUGH it and back again countless times. But, does she have any experience in queer relationships? Like, why hasn't Buck asked Hen about anything?? They are an established "pair," since Tim just loves pairing people up and not having them actually be a firefam...have them talk to each other!!! Hen's participation in the phone-keep-away made no sense except to place her as a condescending queer elder who just knows what's going on, which is a disservice to her character / her potential!! Karen especially has the perspective to push Buck to see just how his, idk, one-sidedness / superficialness of thought because of his abandonment issues (which Tommy is also guilty of just seemingly on the commitment side of things and with his whole schtick of telling Buck what he should feel / think) could be really traumatic for an older queer person who lived through DADT and was maybe burned by it.
The unending need to know before committing and a paradoxical preoccupation with always having one foot out the door before everything ex-/implodes and one's life / livelihood is ash swept away on the winds of an indifferent populace. If anything, Josh's Glee speech (derogatory shudder) should have come from Karen through the lens of her experience with DADT. The retconning of Tommy's backstory has made this soooooo messy in canon and fandom spaces, and honestly I need ClipoardBuck! level organization of this show that is so half-assed I shouldn't even care this damn much! Henren are literally the definition of a messy queer relationship, of the "I love you anyway" discourse that's been floating around. I have loved seeing how they have ovwrcome obstacles (inside and outside of their relationship) and have become so much stronger for it not only as wives but as mothers amd friends who support onw another when people get kidnapped. Bring back firefam, including those who live on the periphery but nonetheless are an integral, load-bearing part of it, convos because each and every one of them can benefit from the life experiences (past and ongoing) happening to their overly codependent coworkers.
Hi, Nonnie! No need for apologies, I love a good rant!
You make such excellent points, I have little to add, truly. I agree with everything you said.
I think, overall, the show is missing a great opportunity not having Hen helping Buck out with this. Karen, too. I understand if they cannot use Karen for this, as she is recurring and might not be in as many episodes as Hen is, but it is such a missed opportunity, and it's been so since Season 7.
It would've been so good. Karen being able to speak on her past experiences and helping Buck understand Tommy a bit better would've been amazing, and it would've been way better than the Glee speech which - I share your shudder. Glee was amazing representation for its time, but not to make a speech like this, bfr.
Honestly, you put it in a really smart way and I really agree with what you said. And it's a shame the show is apparently not making any moves to have Buck and Hen talk about it or bond over this. And it's sad, and a waste of some very good scenes. I'm sure OS and AH would love to have them and would knock them out of the park. TT as well.
My inbox is open for ranting, venting, giving your opinion (unpopular or popular, I'm happy to receive and discuss both), and even confessions! However if you don't want yours posted, please make sure to say :)
Take care <3
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pritong-baboy · 2 days ago
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Something to give Bumblebee the shivers post-Shockwave reveal: imagine if all this time, he had been picking up on some of Longarms' mannerisms, like some stances to try to assert professionalism, or even attempted to play detective from times to times when recalling how Longarm helped him unmask Wasp by trying to think "what would a head of intel look at?".
The utter disgust he'd feel upon realizing all this time, he was emulating Shockwave. And the fact Shockwave appreciated every gesture Bumblebee copied off of him.
On an unrelated scenario, a missed opportunity had Bumblebee encountered Shockwave pre-boot camp, before the latter got attached and the former discovered who he truly was: a fight or struggle of sorts, where Shockwave would initially try to shake Bumblebee off his pede, and then "discipline him" by pointing out how sparklings like him are Cybertron's future and he should be fighting until his last vent gives out, encouraging Bee to stand back up instead of accepting defeat (and incidentally being a reason why the kid's reckless).
goshhh, i love that idea of bee directly learning from longarm. i always liked to imagine that bee and longarm bonded with each other much like how bee and bulkhead did. so, i imagine that in one conversation, longarm would voice out a stance that he has (something that he got from being a decepticon) and bumblebee gets inspired by it, but he misinterprets it into something different.
this is suuuch a reach, but i love to think that's why bee is the way he is in the show. being super stubborn and determined almost to a fault, and it's because that one moment longarm tells him "dont give up bumblebee" OUGHHHAGAH....
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oh my god, the way i can totally imagine that happening. sentinel making a whole ass announcement going "heeeeyyy if you forfeit all of the information you gathered from us i'll give you this stupid yellow bot."
it would be funnier if like...the other decepticons see this message too, and they all just look at shockwave expecting him to instantly say no, but horrifyingly he actually has to think about it for some reason asudhhansoie.
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thecleverqueer · 2 years ago
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Y’all.
The point of the Clone Wars flashback in the Ahsoka series was partially fan service. Yes. But, those of you that are mad that Obi-Wan and Cody and Waxer and Boil and Mace Windu and Ursa Wren and Gar Saxon and Maul and Bo-Katan Kryze and Rook Cast weren’t in it missed the whole goddamned point of the flashback, so let me explain:
Everyone has bitched tirelessly about Ahsoka being stoic and reserved and “not like herself” (I will die on the “she’s in her forties…leave my baby girl alone… she’s tired, sore and premenopausal…” hill, still…)
Ultimately, she’s been “out of character” because she was carrying all of the Anakin trauma around like a two hundred pound weight on her shoulders. She blamed herself, and she feared who she was so much so that she was unwilling to get close to others and spread the wisdom that the years have afforded her…something a Jedi just does. She couldn’t bring herself to do it.
Enter this sequence… the moment she FINALLY lets go of the Anakin guilt/ hang ups.
I knew something like this was coming. Some moment that changed her back to the more recognizable Ahsoka. The one that embraced her friends. The one that was willing to share the lessons that she learned with others. The one that would have loved to have a padawan of her own. The one that wasn’t always running away, being flaky.
This was it. And, there were two big takeaways from the moment.
1.) Anakin was always Vader, and Vader was always Anakin… and she had nothing to do with that. Her leaving the order played literally no role. It wasn’t on her. It never was. He was already teetering on that line way before she entered his life. I mean, he slaughtered an entire village of Tuskens down to the last woman and child. He said and did questionable shit to Ahsoka herself too throughout their time together. Was he like a brother to her? Sure. Was he borderline abusive at times? Also, yes. Regardless, her eyes were opened in that first battle…where he basically told her to fight or die. Fair, under the circumstances… still, Ahsoka was trained to be a Jedi, not a murderer. Anakin relished in it. She didn’t really, especially when it came to losing her own men in battle. The clones were her friends, her brothers. Anakin didn’t seem to give a shit about the clones. Unsurprising.
2.) She realized that it wasn’t just Anakin’s legacy that she would carry on. She has her own legacy. It doesn’t have to be one of death and destruction. Is Ahsoka a lot like Anakin? Yes. She’s impulsive, hot-headed, stubborn, emotional, and intense, but that’s not all. Ahsoka is caring, patient, understanding, and loving in a compassionate sense. She’s grown wise, strong and sage. Anakin isn’t the only part of her line and that legacy… Obi-Wan is a part. Qui-Gon is a part. Yoda is a part. Ahsoka is a little bit of all of them. It made her realize that she’s so much more than just a warrior. She’s a great Jedi like the ones that came before her. Inevitably, she has a choice. She can choose not to serve the dark, despite it being part of that legacy, and she can pass on what she has learned without fear.
The moment was about just that. It wasn’t meant to actually be an episode of The Clone Wars. The flashback served a very specific purpose as laid out above. There are 133 episodes of The Clone Wars if you want to watch a Clone Wars episode with all the characters of the Clone Wars. This moment was about Ahsoka overcoming her guilt and fear caused by Anakin becoming what he became so that Ahsoka could actually embrace who she is. Specifically.
Now we have a happy, more well-rounded, Gandalf-like Ahsoka that has slayed her Balrog. Now we get to see her be the Jedi she has always been inside. Now we will see her be there for her friends. Now we will see her mentor and share her wisdom and teach the ways of the ones that came before her without fear.
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jamiethebee · 8 months ago
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I don't know what to think, but of the League who made it to the second half of the manga, Spinner is the only one who's family backstory/circumstances we never hear of.
Dabi is a Todoroki
Toga's parents rejected her
Twice's died
Compress has his family legacy
Shigaraki is a Shimura
Spinner is ??? Does he have siblings?? Parents? Grandparents? Anyone? No one? An orphan? We get nothing about him specifically, nothing that can't be related (or parallels drawn) with other characters.
And with the weakest quirk of the League, he's left alive? Like he's not even a threat to the heroes as himself? The complete lack of care that he's given in the story is...
#the bee talks#shuichi iguchi#sorry idk where im going with this.#he was inspired by stain - he's experienced discrimination - the hate groups - but nothing about him personally.#everything we know about him is shared by other characters.#despite being the narrator of MVA despite being there till the end despite his relationships with the other League members#all we get of him is how he relates to everyone else in the story? i - i - .... im feeling something but idk WHAT#there's something all this is pointing to that im just not grasping at the moment#not to mention compress getting sidelined for the whole last fight with his ass missing but we know more about his personal#circumstances than we do spinner. (still salty about compress not getting to be The Drama ✨)#listen we know he was a hikikomori but NOTHING about the circumstances! was he with family? squatting somewhere?#unfortunately for everyone involved idk that i'll ever stop thinking about him. there was a chance but since he's unresolved in the final#chapter there's nothing to stop my brain from what if-ing and and-ing all of my thoughts.#unfortunately he is going to live on in my brain for a long time yet and it is horikoshi's fault for not being concrete about him.#i did not include magne or gigantomachia with this because they're not part of the “core” league (magne i love you but u died early on)#alSO! speaking of gigantomachia: there was a theory about gigantomachia being Crimson Riot or smth and it was never disproved. just saying#bnha manga spoilers#bnha spoilers#bnha#unless i'm missing something but we just know he was a country boy right? and the pesticides and that's it?#but again he shares that discrimination with other characters (shoji) and it wasn't even the “worst�� example of that#spinner you might've been made to be “mid” in every aspect but wow you captivated me. what a guy.#sorry to my non-mha followers for being... like this the past few days asdfghj block one of the bnha tags if you need to shut me up some
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m0thlegs · 3 months ago
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y’all learned the term “media literacy” and have not shut the fuck up since
#rant below#but omg#It’s such an important term and topic of discussion and also a genuine concern within our society YES.#but some people are using it in such a pseudo intellectual pretentious way that they’re not even using it correctly anymore#they just wanna act like they’re intellectually superior to others when they’re really just putting down different interpretations and#mindlessly defending their fav media without actually being willing to hear the other out#Like just because I have a different interpretation to you or like or dislike something that doesn’t mean I’m illiterate. What#“Hey I actually think th” “ERMMM WELL MAYBE YOUR MEDIA LITCHRUSSY-🤓🤓🤓🤓” THIS IS HOW YOU SOUND😭#Media literacy is not about what to interpret in a work#And if you’re using the “bad media literacy” argument to slam down well thought out interpretations that just happen to be different#then I think that only goes how ironically enough YOU lack media literacy for not understanding and/or missing the point of the discussion#don’t get me wrong bad media literacy definitely does exist and is a problem#like I’ve genuinely heard some ASS takes that are clearly due to bad media literacy#but they’re not the source of every bad take. God#hell it’s not even just bad takes that get slammed with this label like I said it’s just a difference in opinions#like just because I don’t like your fav it doesn’t mean I don’t understand them or am mischaracterising them??#that also leads into the issue of people defending their favs no matter what and having a weird sense of loyalty to them even if there is#valid crit against them#but that’s a whole can of worms I don’t wanna get into rn#anyways#my post#yapping#yapping in tags#TLDR a genuinely important discussion and term is being turned into a pseudo intellectual buzzword. Nothing new on the internet tho
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misayani · 3 months ago
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MINISKIRT — SQUID GAME WOMEN + THANOS AND YOU WEARING A MINISKIRT HCS
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◜ featuring ... kang mi-na (player 196), no eul (guard 011), se-mi (player 380), jun-hee (player 222), hyun-ju (player 120), young-mi (player 195), kang sae-byeok (s1 player 067), + thanos (player 230)
𔗨 author's note — hope u guys missed me cs i havent posted any works for the past 24 hours [lowercase intended]
warnings: nsfw on some parts
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mi na — 
- FEMXFEM.
- the two of you going on a cute date while wearing miniskirts because hello??? 
- u shop together for clothes and everytime you guys do she gets you a miniskirt
- you now have like 30 of them in ur closet
- compliments you non stop because ??? her gf's so pretty it makes her wanna cry
- will tease you all day if you decide to wear that out
- lingering touches on your thighs here and there
- has a smug smirk on her face while doing it
- she rides it up more, claiming "it looks better like that"
- has a pepper spray in her bag in case the both of you stays out until night 
- will STARE and GLARE at anybody who's looking at your legs
- like how dare they that's only for hers to look at ??
- the both of you are so feminine, guys mistake the both of you as just friends
- she'll simply roll her eyes and give them a disgusted look
- "what? haven't seen a pretty girl date another pretty girl? idiots."
- planning outfits with her !!!! ><
- the both of you laying down on your stomach, legs tangled with each other behind, and scrolling on your laptop to buy more clothes (and miniskirts)
- overall a power couple, we love feminine pussy eater girls <3
"cmon, lift it a little more up. what's the point of a miniskirt if you're gonna pull it down?" your butt cheeks are literally already hanging out.
no eul —
- oh boy
- she's so protective
- if you're out together, she'll subtly walk closer to you to shield you from unwanted attention
- wears a jacket for you whenever you decide to wear a miniskirt
- HEKSKSKSK YOU LOVE TEASING HER SM
- guiding her hand to your thighs
- she'll stiffen and yank her hand away and you pout :(
- she shoots you a glare, her eyes giving you a warning
- "wait until we get home."
- you sigh and decide to tease her more by riding your skirt up until your safety shorts r literally visible
- SHE'LL CLENCH HER JAW AT YOUR STUBBORNNESS AND IT'S LITERALLY SO FUCKING HOT????
- you'll just act innocent and bat your eyelashes at her
- "what? i didn't do anything wrong:("
- whenever you get the chance, you'll grind your ass against her
- she will.audibly.hiss.ohmyfuckinggosh
- you're so dead when the two of you finally get home !!!
- she's USUALLY a soft dom but don't expect her to go easy on you after you literally just teased her the whole day
- the miniskirt stays on while she fucks your brains out
- ends up with you drooling and moaning nothing but her name the whole night
- well... that's what you get when you don't listen!
- you obviously liked it though, so ever since that you started to wear miniskirts more often;)
"stop crying. you asked for this, didn't you?"
se mi —
- SHE INSISTS YOU WEAR THEM.
- will walk around the mall with her arm wrapped around your waist FOR EVERYONE TO SEE YOU'RE HERS
- shamelessly stares at your thighs and smirks if she sees you blushing
- "come here closer, baby"
- unlike with no-eul's, se-mi will be the one grinding on your ass
- literally fantasizes about bending you over and lifting your skirt up 
- OHMYGO
- if you're acting bratty, she'll bend you over her lap and spank you until your ass is red
- sometimes she makes you go commando 
- se-mi loves being risky
- she will sneakily brush her hand up your thighs
- but if you're not in the mood for anything and just really want to wear a cute miniskirt, she'll respect that
- because no is no <3
- although, if you like it like that
- she'll definitely have some fun with you
- secretly gets turned on whenever you wear miniskirts but doesn't admit it because she has to keep that 'cool' exterior of hers /eyeroll
- overall just loves your thighs so much. to the moon and back.
"can we go home now? i wanna rip that skirt off you"
jun hee —
- out of all four ABOVE (^), she's the most respectful
- "you look so pretty wearing that"
- if the miniskirt is too mini though, she'll get flustered
- she's the one who's gonna pull it down for you
- "baby, it's short like that on purpose!" "i don't care, it's too short!"
- acts like a mother to you
- she may complain sometimes but when you ask her to pick out your clothes
- she'll definitely go for the miniskirt with no hesitation
- she secretly likes it. she just isn't fond of the idea of other people seeing your legs
- her eyes will involuntarily flicker to your legs often as much as she hates to admit it
- "are you staring?"
- "what? no! i mean, maybe a little but—!"
- you just laugh at her while she rolls her eyes playfully at you
- but with that aside, she does really think you're breathtaking whenever you wear miniskirts. i mean she thinks you're breathtaking in general but something about you wearing miniskirts just gets her on
"you're starting to convince me to let you wear that more often." "glad to know."
hyun ju —
before her surgery: 
- you tried to tell her once that it's more than fine for her to wear a miniskirt
- she politely declines, telling you that she doesn't really feel confident yet
- you respect her decision, "okay, i'll be right here whenever you're ready!"
- instead, she admires you. her stares linger a little longer than usual
- though a little part of her wishes she could be as confident as you 
- not in an envy way though!!! NEVER.
- you inspire hyun-ju so much, and she's glad to have you. someone that helps her and understands her
- anyways, she's calm most of the time, you'll hear some compliments here and there
- "you look amazing."
- this literally makes your heart melt so much, the way she's staring at you out of love :((( <3
- her protective side though ?????
- "did that person tell you anything??" "no, they just said i look pretty!:)"
- her jaw clenches, but she does nothing about it.
- after all, what they said was right. it was undeniable, you really do look pretty
- you give her a little twirl sometimes, showing off your pretty outfit
- "you're showing off, aren't you?"
- your lips curve into a smile, "mhm! and you will too, one day."
- she smiles at the thought but doesn't say anything further
after her surgery:
- YAAAAAY !!!!!!!!
- 10000 MORE TIMES CONFIDENT 
- hesitates at first though, but that's totally fine!!!
- "are you sure i can pull this off..?" "BABY YOU WOULD LOOK THE HOTTEST."
- you decided to get her comfortable with skirts first
- "hmm... what do you say to wearing a skirt but just inside the house?" 
- "...okay." 
- you help her relax and get comfy with it. you're literally her safe space:(
- and then you hype her up so much to the point she gets convinced
- are you ready....
- TA-DA!! she finally wears a skirt outside the house !!
- not as short as yours though, she isn't ready for that yet. BUT !!! baby steps <33
- "we can just go for a quick walk, if you're fine with that."
- if anybody stares, you glare at them and turn to hyun-ju with a warm smile
- "don't mind them, they don't matter. you're doing so well"
- after a while, she grows more and more comfortable wearing a skirt
- then the both of you finally go on dates while wearing matching skirts !! yay 
"i realized people care way less than we think they do."
young mi —
- ADORES YOU SO SO MUCH
- she gets flustered easily, and you take advantage of that
- "sweetheart, do you think this length is good? or should i go for a shorter one?"
- will stutter and nervously fiddle with her fingers
- "i think— i think it's already too short.."
- "too short? come closer so you can see it better."
- you're an absolute tease 
- KEEPS HER HANDS TO HERSELF WHEN THE BOTH OF YOU ARE SITTING TOGETHER
- literally just stares forward, trying her hardest to not look at your bare legs
- you sulk though when you wear a miniskirt specifically for her but she won't even bat an eye on you:(
- "do you not like it? i can change.."
- she snaps her head towards you, "no no no! i just cant handle all that.." LMFAO
- "well you better learn how to, i'm not gonna give up until you look at me."
- spoiler alert!!!! you make her ride your thigh ♡
"unnie.." 
sae byeok —
- 'wear that idgaf i can fight' TYPE
- she literally has her pocket knife with her no matter where she goes
- she doesn't need it ngl, it's mostly for you
- I MEAN NOT TO USE ON YOU (unless you want her to;)
- you draw her attention on purpose: lifting your skirt up, brushing your thigh against her leg, bending down to pick something up
- you whine if you see her not reacting even once:(
- "if you want me to do something, then you'll have to be riskier."
- you'd literally do anything, even if that made you look so desperate
- you'd rub your thighs together and softly moan directly into sae-byeok's ear 
- ... still gets you nowhere
- HAND PLACEMENTTT
- makes your cunt throb sb when you feel her hot palm against your inner thigh
- her fingers might brush over your core if you're lucky
- but that's all she does, the rest happens at home
- aside from all that horny shit though, she really likes it when you wear miniskirts
- she can't quite place her finger on it as to why— miniskirts are just so you
- most of the time she doesn't even know what to say, mostly cause she can't think of a word to compliment you. simply saying that you're beautiful sounds such an understatement for her.
"sae, stop glaring at the man." "i'm gonna fucking gut him up if he doesn't rip his eyes away from you." shit left you speechless.
thanos —
- EASY ACCESS !!!!!!!!
- "holy shit baby, you look good. easier for me to—" "thanos!"
- he's SURPRISINGLY good at giving you outfit tips like ??? okay diva??
- "wear my leather jacket over that, it matches with the skirt."
- he wants to accompany you whenever you go shopping
- he's not one of those bitchy guys who complain about you taking so long at the store, he actually enjoys spending time with you shopping for your girly stuff
- just like se-mi, this man stares at your thighs shamelessly
- he's so sassy 
- "my legs look better." "baby, i love you, but shut the fuck up."
- curses in english whenever you come out of your room and he sees you wearing a miniskirt
- if he sees another man staring at HIS girlfriend, he'll call him out
- "isn't my girlfriend so stunning? you're lucky cause she's the last pretty thing you get to see before i fucking gouge your eyes out"
- he sulks when you scold him
- "might ban you from wearing a skirt outside from now on, just too many eyes."
- though he's jealous, deep down he's proud to call you as his
- like??? nobody else can't handle your fine ass but him
- he doesn't even need his drugs anymore; you're his drug
- he just can't have enough of you
"you're killing me with that outfit, you know that?"
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@misayani
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severepink · 1 year ago
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Observing Adam
Where I go way too deep into something that probably isn't that deep. It's long, it's long as hell.
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Okay, so you'd think with how Adam talks he's just a typical misogynist, right?
This man worships pussy. So much so, he's named a whole ass angel, one of his best, Vagina. You'd say that he objectifies them and thinks of them as being lesser, but I don't think that's the whole story. In fact, I think he might be the original simp.
All of these exorcists so far have been women. All of them. He refers to them as ladies or bitches interchangeably, he sees them as being completely capable of absolutely decimating leagues of some of the most vile beings who have ever existed, and they have, to the point it was only after thousands of years that there's been a risk to this hierarchy.
He's a self-centered, egotistical, loud-mouthed, arrogant asshole, no doubt about it, but I'm beginning to suspect something now.
If Adam and Lilith were created from the same dust, if they were created as equals, I am more than willing to bet... Lilith is also a self-centered, egotistical, arrogant asshole. But, she's likely far more intelligent, composed, and duplicitous.
Lilith was allowed to refuse Adam and leave of her own free will and garnered her own independence. A new wife was created for Adam, she was replaced. My guess, is she thought Adam wouldn't be able to live without her, to come back and find herself replaced entirely, she was enraged.
I believe both Adam and Lilith were both incredibly dominant individuals who fought over ideas, thoughts, and ultimately in the bedroom as well, if we take into account the creationist stories.
I'm willing to bet she likely manipulated Lucifer into twisting humanity against its original concept. What if Lucifer's intention truly was to just spark something within Eve, like independence and thought and creation, but it was Lilith's poison within the fruit that tainted her, then subsequently Adam, with sin.
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Lilith thrived in hell, while Lucifer's dreams of creation were dashed. She didn't suffer as he did, instead the power of her voice grew with hell. Her voice grew so powerful that heaven found it to be a threat, her actions instigated the beginning of exterminations.
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Charlie said that when she was a little girl, she didn't know Lucifer at all. I don't think this was because of Lucifer, he's seen here, picking her up, inviting her to share in his thoughts and dreams, showing her something wonderful. Something she could see within herself.
Charlie says that it's this moment that sparked her will to fight for her dreams. Which is strange, because at the very beginning of the story, Charlie says it was her mother's dream that was passed down to her.
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Lilith took Charlie away. In this scene, Lucifer wasn't done showing Charlie his thoughts and dreams, he's still yearning to show his daughter these things at this point.
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Lucifer loves his daughter. He loves Charlie so, so, so much. So why wasn't he allowed to build a relationship with his daughter for the longest time? He was waiting for the opportunity to get to know her, but with how much he adores her why didn't he do it sooner? He didn't comment on 'It took you a while-' he just said he missed her smile. They don't want to be pulled apart, again.
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Now, we know Vivziepop has said that Lucifer and Lilith love each other, but Lilith 'wears the pants' in the relationship. We see all of the pictures all over the walls of a supposedly happy family. I don't think the relationship was as loving as originally portrayed and Lilith is a woman who desires control above all else. She likely tried to mitigate what influence Lucifer had over their daughter when she thought his angelic thoughts and behaviors became more than what she approved of.
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Lets take it back to Adam and Lute for a moment. Again, Adam is a loud mouthed idiot, he's a jerk. The moment he realizes there are demons in heaven, he's ready to go on the attack. It's only because of Lute that he didn't end up doing something absolutely idiotic.
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I gotta say, Lute and Adam's relationship is an absolutely fascinating one. He's a disrespectful dick head in how he talks, but how he acts is a different story. He allows Lute to man-handle him. He does listen to her, even if he's a whiny bitch about it.
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Look at him, this is the face of a man listening, a dumb one, but a dude listening all the same. He doesn't manhandle her back, he doesn't even pull away until she lets go of his collar. Of all the shit he complained about, between being grabbed and being told what to do, his biggest complaint is that she's telling him to shush.
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We know that Adam is the one who suggested the exterminations to begin with, so Sera says, and this was because of the power that Lilith was amassing. To him, Lilith is a threat. Even when he was willing to move on, to go to another wife when Lilith didn't want him or want to submit to him (fair babe, he's a bit of an idiot), she came back with an angel and proceeded to manipulate his new wife Eve. This is the supposed progenitor of man-kind, the original dick (hilariously enough), the reason civilization even exists at all. He and Eve had to fight for their lives after being tempted with the fruit. They had immortality, they had no ideas of shame, they were supposedly 'innocent' creatures before Lilith and Lucifer came along. He and Eve had to fight tooth and nail to survive after being cast from Eden. I think it shows in how willing and ready he is to take lead and do what he believes needs to be done, now out of a need for entertainment rather than a need to defend or protect. But, he still stopped to listen to Lute's advice. In the mythological story of Adam and Eve, Adam is the one who has to tell Eve that god said don't eat the fruit. Eve never heard god speak to her, so she was vulnerable to the snake's manipulations. She will now die because she ate it, and because she did not want Adam to take another wife, convinced him to eat it unknowingly. Funnily enough, Adam tried to explain to god that 'she lied to me and gave me the fruit' and in this actual mythology, Adam was punished for listening to his wife. Even without mentioning Lilith in the original mythology, Eve didn't want Adam to take another wife, so when we consider it within the context of Hazbin Hotel, it may be likely that's how it went down. Eve knew of Lilith, knew that she could be replaced, and decided that she would take Adam with her.
I believe that Adam does and did rely on the women in his life to help him with direction. I think Adam knows he can be an idiot and is willing to listen, even if he doesn't agree with what he's hearing. He did listen to Charlie in the beginning, he just didn't believe in her, like everyone else and he, out of anyone there, probably had the most reason not to. Cain and Abel were his and Eve's sons, his own child became the first murderer. Out of jealousy, the same kind of jealousy that no doubt has caused Lilith to act how she did. Adam isn't going to have empathy for sinners. His family, his legacy, were filled with the original sinners. He probably had to kill his son Cain in hell during the first exterminations. What do you think he would have had to feel, if it came to be a fact that sinners could be redeemed? That maybe his son, could've been redeemed? Or any of his progeny for that matter? How did it feel when his sons, his progeny, weren't given the same mercy as the Hellborn that Lucifer managed to keep protected through some deal with the angels or god? Not to mention that Charlie could've been his daughter. Charlie is the product of the people who completely and totally destroyed the paradise he'd been born into. She's the daughter who is protected and immune from the slaughter while all of his sons and daughters are judged and killed. I believe, even though he was a dickish prankster to Charlie, he was surprisingly patient and even somewhat amicable, willing to even ask her how her weekend was like he was just trying to get to know her.
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Adam could just see all of the angels under his employ as being disposable. He doesn't have to name them, or think about them in any individual fashion. But, he knows Vaggie, recognized her instantly. Thought she was badass. Lute's the one who saw her, tore her wings off, and walked away. I'm surprised they even let her live, because this just goes against everything they're doing. They're an army and they saw one of their own showing empathy to the enemy.
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Look at this dumb ass. He's being a shit-head, a dick, a bastard. But, he admires Vaggie's ability to pull Charlie, congratulates her, this dude isn't even judging her for being a lesbian. I don't think it's because he objectifies women, this dude loves women, he just does. He respects fellow vagina lovers. I don't think he respects liars in the slightest though. He's being underhanded, he's trying to be manipulative (he's not very good at it). I think he's brutally open and honest about everything and that's probably one of the reasons he's such a bastard anyways, because sometimes you just need to shut-up and he's not good at that.
I don't think he respects Sera for that either, he's more than willing to let others know what the hell he's doing, but under Sera's lead, he can't be open about it. I don't think it's his jam to act this way, it's why he sucks so bad at it and I think that's why Lilith is so antithetical to him. I also think that's why he's possibly even being manipulated.
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It's kind of crazy that Adam is the only one who tries to come up with what allows someone to get into heaven. So here's his list: 1. Act Selfless: Maybe at one point he was! He had to have been, to be one of the progenitors of mankind, he would have had to work, sacrifice, and give to his wife and children for them all to survive. Eve would have had to do the same, no doubt. He may not seem selfless, due to his raunchy behavior, but he's served heaven since he's been there. He's served humanity in some kind of facet. 2. Don't Steal: Considering the only other humans are his spawn, he likely had to try and get them to not steal from one another for them all to have an equal opportunity of survival. He and Eve likely both knew they would need to work together to survive.
3. Stick it to the man: This, however, is interesting. Who is 'The Man' he speaks of? God? The only other people over him or were equal to him were women. He speaks like a rocker, and I think in this case he's using the term 'The Man' in a gender neutral way. I think he allowed some amount of Authority to Lilith when they were supposed to be seen as equals, it comes so naturally to him as a character when it comes to the other women he's been interacting with. I think she is the 'man' that he's been sticking it to- Pun somewhat intended. ((This third one may also simply be a tongue in cheek reference to when Alex Brightman played Dewey in School of Rock on Broadway! Thank you to the user who brought this to my attention!))
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Adam is a bit of a hypocrite, isn't he? He likes to fuck, he's made that abundantly clear. Full of lust you could say. It was his original purpose after all, and he is judging Angel Dust for something he probably would've done himself at one point or has considered doing (maybe not the having sex with men part). Angel Dust does all of these things, Adam doesn't even deny it. He even looks nervous. He's angry, but doesn't deny that Angel has done those things. He doesn't explain it away or try to lie or move the goal posts, he's just asking what is an actually very valid question.
Why isn't Angel Dust there if he can do things equal to what Adam himself hasn't done? Serenity continues that line of thought. It isn't until Charlie is realizing no one knows what it takes to get into heaven.
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Adam is more than willing to let Lute take the lead here, he's willing to give her the stage to clap back, he's giving her back-up antics. By all means, they could be pushing and fighting one another, there could easily be body language expressing something other than their general comfort around one another. They aren't fighting for a spotlight like you'd expect Adam to try and do considering his egotistical attitude.
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Adam fucking sucks at keeping his mouth shut and he sucks at lying. He nearly blew the secret out of the bag once, this time, Sera is the only one who tries to stop him and to be honest? Lute looks a bit too thrilled at it. He knows he fucked up, but he doesn't think it's a big deal that anyone would know. For fucks sake, they've already condemned souls, his progeny, to suffer. What's the big deal if he kills them?
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I have to re-iterate what's happening here. Charlie is proud she caused this chaos, that she caused these angels to fight amongst themselves, even if in this case it's a good thing. But, this is like history repeating itself to Adam, the reflection of his ex-wife, entering his domain, causing strife among his people, being happy about it.
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And the venom he expresses when it comes to the 'liar' portion, god Alex Brightman destroyed when he got to this portion specifically. There is some vehement disgust in his tone when he says liar.
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Adam isn't a good person now. But, I think he used to be a good person. By all means, Adam himself could've been the first murderer when his wife made her mistake. He, at one point in time, had to have been good enough to foster civilization itself with Eve. Both good and bad. Adam's original purpose was to be fruitful and multiply. Ordained by god (or maybe just angels) himself, divine power directed and created him to fuck. He didn't chase his ex-wife down, he was given a new one, Lilith was allowed to leave. When he left things alone, when he tried to move on, his ex-wife and a scorned angel destroyed the paradise he was in with Eve. He had to struggle and toil, he had to feel shame in his own body. He had to find out his first born son was the first murderer. His second son killed. We don't know if this is going to be canon in the story, a lot has changed, and if Adam is the first soul who reached heaven, then what did happen to Abel? Was Abel considered a sinner? Or did Cain kill Abel after Adam had passed? Either way, he had to witness his children kill, he had to watch his descendants behave in a range from saints and monsters. He's seen genocides, he's seen famine, war. Adam is desensitized to the plights of his descendants. Maybe he even saw it as a duty to cleanse the universe of their existence at one point, because they were his responsibility.
At the end of this episode, he is properly scolded by Sera and does seem ashamed of himself. He isn't huffy, he is reminded that he should be ashamed of acting that way.
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I love Lute's enthusiasm, she's absolutely brutal when talking about Vaggie and with how she handled Vaggie. I think it's funny that Lute is so brutal she's even made Adam uncomfortable. It's cute that he's made uncomfortable by the excitement and all he does is tell Lute, the premier hype woman over here, to chill. She's so proud of herself too, look at her.
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He fully expects these exorcist bad bitches to go in there and fuck shit up. But, you know it's hilarious that he's throwing horns? This dude, this angel. First human soul in heaven, loving rock n' roll, the devil's music, and throwing motherfucking horns. It's poetic really. I think we can probably assume where things are going.
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Now, this is the first point we've seen Adam being a real piece of shit to Lute. I don't think Adam likes it when people think he's too dumb to notice something, especially something so damn obvious. This is such a drastic moment of vitriolic, uncontrolled anger directed towards Lute. Adam knows he isn't the brightest tool in the shed. He likely knows he's obtuse and misses shit. It's why he sucks at lying, he knows he's not smart. That is why I think he's afforded women opportunities to direct him without fighting back against their advice and their choices. I'm sure Lilith made it obvious how dumb she thinks Adam is. I'm wondering if this might be where their ground breaking fight might've come from. Who's to say he didn't allow Lilith to take the lead, or listen to her like he's done with Lute here and now? Perhaps to an even greater point? He listened to Eve and ate from the fruit of knowledge and he was punished for it. Being seen as so dumb he can't formulate a simple fact is a sore spot for him.
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Adam is incredibly powerful. It took a bit out of him to exercise that power, probably because he's out of practice just like Lucifer said. At one point, he probably wasn't so sloppy and weak willed. He's gotten lazy. Sloth like.
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I think it got real personal here. How viscerally and personally he attacked Charlie. No one but Charlie truly thought sinners could be redeemed, or that they were even worth it. Not even one of the original sinners. Maybe he never considered the possibility, maybe what happened really did make him see the world as black and white to cope with that happened to him, his wife, his children. Charlie's desire to fight this idea would destroy the foundation for all of his coping through the years. He stopped seeing them as family, even though he's grandiose about his founding role in humanity. Does that itch the guilt that may lurk under the surface?
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I don't think Adam thought much of Charlie at all. I don't think he had any intention of coming to kill her in the beginning, despite seeing her, despite who her parents were. But, I think with the constant push, with how eager she was to disrupt the pre-conceived idea of order, it reminded Adam and reflected her parents so much, he was eager to kill her for revenge against them. I think this electrical interference on the mask is a direct reflection of sin. Namely, wrath, in this moment.
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Now, this. THIS. Is something that made me want to write this whole fucking essay. Is Lucifer implying that he not only gave Eve the Fruit from the tree of knowledge, but FUCKED HER TOO? Homies, I'm sorry but holy shit. That is some hydrating tea. I'd be pretty pissed too, fucked over twice by women who were supposed to be literal soul mates, who you were made for, who were made for you?
I knew he would have a goatee, I could almost hear it. I gotta say, I'm a sucker for how he looks. I think he's hot. He is a bastard, but so are a lot of the hot dudes in this show. It's just a theme.
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This exact series of lines prompted so many of the thoughts that I had about Adam and why he thinks or acts the way he does. At one point, Adam did have to work himself to the bone and learn to survive from scratch alongside Eve. He isn't entirely without cause to not think that he deserves some respect or recognition from his descendants.
But, that doesn't give him the right to act like god himself. It's... well... Blasphemous. Isn't it? One of the worst sins is to think yourself to be worthy of worship, as if you're a god.
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This is the moment that gave me empathy for them both. You could probably see the kind of loving person Adam could have been at one point with how he looks at Lute, even as he's laying there, dying. He's not crying like a bitch, just looking at Lute softly. Lute screaming for him, screaming his name. They cared for each other deeply.
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And this... and this.... and this. WHAT DEAL DID YOU MAKE, LILITH? Did you make it with Sera? Did you make it with Adam? Did you make it with Lute? Did you really just want a little 'vacay' away from the hell you helped create? Left her husband, depressed and lonely. Left her daughter without any care or guidance. Maybe Alastor was sent in her place, perhaps? Seven years since he was seen after all, but why wouldn't he show up sooner if Lilith did care? Did she make a deal with Lute and Adam? Did she let Adam smash it so she could stay in heaven? Did Lute let her stay in exchange for getting Adam out of a position of power? Or was it maybe Sera who commissioned Lilith with a deal? Either way, I'm in full belief that it wasn't Adam's idea to move the extermination day up. I think he's a patsy, a scapegoat. I think Lute may have been manipulated, potentially, into manipulating Adam into this position. Was it even really Adam who came up with the idea to do the exterminations? Or was he the one who simply decided to fight originally because he was told heaven was at risk due to Lilith's rising power? The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions. I think it could be any number of these. Either way, Lute certainly does think she had authority over Lilith. Is it Lute just having hubris? Or is Lilith truly bound, just like Alastor, Husk, and Angel Dust?
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Of course, now that we know a soul can be redeemed... and we certainly know that angels can fall. I don't think this will be the last we see of Adam.
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suiana · 5 months ago
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YANDERE! DRAGON AND MONSTERFUCKER READERRRR, you guys.
you go missing in a forest one day and accidentally fall into a pit that's... scarily big. is that a cave beside it???
"wtf where am i?"
"human."
all of a sudden you see a big ass dragon in front of you, scales and wings and all that. his deep voice booms throughout the entire area, his claws pointing at you threateningly as his sharp eyes narrow down at you.
"holy shit are you gonna eat me???"
"...what is a human like you doing here?"
"i came for a picnic with my friends but something started to chase us and i fell into this hole."
the dragon merely stares at you, his snout coming in closer. you could only whimper in fear, face contorting as you stare at this massive dragon that was getting closer and closer to you with each second...
but wait a second... why's he actually kinda...
"now hold on just a second before you kill me can i just say that your teeth are absolutely gorgeous?"
"what?"
"they're so... white... and sharp... and your tongue looks so long..."
you sit upright, staring at the dragon as you bat your lashes at the dragon. yeah... wait a second... why were you even scared??? it's a dragon! you've been reading about dragons too! you've literally also been like, praying you get a hot dragon boyfriend too! that means-
"boy i bet you're really good in bed, huh? you're so big and handsome..."
"..."
"you're so strong and sexy... i bet you get everyone you want, yeah? i mean, i am just so into this whole dragon thing too... so sexy and-"
you watch in lust as the dragon backs up at your words, his eyes widening before he brings a hand up to his snout and looks away. aw! is he bashful?!
"human... your naivety knows no bounds-"
"how can i control myself in front a big sexy hunk like you though?"
the dragon stares down at you, smoke coming out from his nostrils before he suddenly scoops you up with a claw and drags you back into his cave.
"you shall be mine now. i am intrigued by your... whimsy behaviour."
"hell yeah. can i get a dragon harem?"
"no."
aw man :c you forgot that dragons are territorial and possesive. wait a second, did he just claim you as his mate? erm...
at least you'll get some dragon dick :3 24/7 btw because this dragon is freaky af!!!!
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livwritesstuff · 7 months ago
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i went on a deep dive of the Steve & Hopper ao3 tag yesterday and and it got me thinking about what would happen if Chief of Police Hopper ran into Steve and Eddie while he was on patrol after pseudo-adopting Steve, and it’s been long enough that Hopper is sort of a safe-person for Steve so Steve goes into full-fledged bitch mode when Hopper tries to pull cop stuff on them, and Eddie (who knew about none of this because Steve is a chronic under-sharer) is so totally baffled.
He’d spent years watching Steve sweet-talk his way out of trouble. Even before they started hooking up it used to drive Eddie goddamn insane, because if (when) Eddie pulled any of this shit Steve gets away with, he’d be totally screwed, but all Steve has to do is flash a sheepish grin and run a hand through his hair once or twice and say, all baleful, “I really didn’t mean any trouble,” and he’s home free.
It has its perks though, or so he's learned during his last few months of hanging around with Steve, so when Steve and Eddie’s make-out session is interrupted by the tell-tale red and blue lights of a cop car pulling up behind where Steve parked the Beemer a few hundred yards down a maintenance road, Eddie’s not all that worried. In fact, he’s got a pretty good amount of faith in Steve’s ability to spin up some story to keep them out of any real trouble, and as Chief Hopper ambles over to them, Eddie prepares himself for a whole show of, “Yes Chief, sorry Chief, it won’t happen again Chief.”
So imagine Eddie's complete and utter surprise when Hopper barks, “Hey, morons! What the hell do you think you’re doing?” and Steve only rolls his eyes and says, “What’s it to you?”
Eddie feels his jaw drop.
“Steve,” he mutters through gritted teeth. He tries to elbow Steve into shutting the hell up, but he misses because Steve has already taken several steps forward to meet Hopper, his face turned up in a kind of defiance Eddie doesn’t think he’s ever seen on him before.
“What’s it to me?” Hopper repeats, glowering at Steve, “It’s midnight. I’m on patrol. You’ve got one of the most recognizable cars in this entire damn town parked in a restricted-access zone with this idiot–” Hopper gestures at Eddie (Eddie didn’t think the pointing or the idiot were necessary, but clearly, clearly, he’s missing something here), “–who’s been dragged into my station more times than I could count.”
“The town line, Hop, is over there,” Steve says, pointing at an indiscriminate spot over Hop’s shoulder that may or may not be part of the Hawkins town line, “We’re not even in Hawkins anymore. You’re totally out of your jurisdiction.”
“You wanna know something about jurisdiction, smart-ass?” Hopper asks, “If my report says shit happened in my jurisdiction, it happened in my jurisdiction.”
“Wow,” Steve deadpans, “Way to not sound totally corrupt. Nice work, Chief.”
Hopper’s jaw twitches for a second, and he’s clearly debating if he wants to keep arguing with Steve who, to Steve’s credit, looks like he’s got debate in him for days. Ultimately though, Hopper decides against it and stalks back over to his squad car.
“If you’re not home by one there’s gonna be hell to pay. You hear me, Harrington?” Hopper yells, “One AM. Hell to pay.”
“Oh, sure,” Steve rolls his eyes, “Totally hear you. One AM. Loud and clear or whatever.”
Steve flips the cruiser both birds as it peels away, which Hopper only flashes his high beams at a couple times before he’s gone, kicking up a bunch of dirt and mulch and leaves in his wake, and Steve is wearing an exasperated expression as he turns to face Eddie again.
“God, he’s so annoying. Let’s just go to my house.”
Eddie gapes at him.
“What the fuck was that?”
“Huh?”
“What the fuck was that?” Eddie repeated, gesturing wildly towards where Hopper’s car had just been.
“Wha– you mean with Hop?”
“Uh, yeah?!?”
Steve just brushed him off, “Whatever, just ignore him. He’s basically my dad.”
“What?”
EDIT: read the expanded fic on AO3 :)
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gothgoblinbabe · 6 months ago
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Love Game
[Logan Howlett x fem!reader]
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Warnings: MDNI/18+ use of she/her, female reader, swearing, being referred to as a girl, mention of being a stress eater, mild alcohol consumption and mention of alcoholism kinda, jealous!Logan, mild violence, you’re shorter than Logan, unprotected sex (wrap it up), little bit of spitting, sub!logan x kinda dom!reader, voyeurism? Technically?, use of pet names, I believe that’s it but pls lmk if I missed any! ps. you wear a dress in this but if that don't work for you, imagine its a sick ass tux/ fancy attire you're comfy in
Also non cannon compliant because I know Logan is heavy as shit and his body weight would crush you but just for a minute you’re gonna pretend like it wouldn’t
Summary: essentially [this ask] with plot ! // Scott needs to mind his god damn business, but he might’ve done you a favor by snatching your diary and waving it in Logan's face.
Word Count: 8K
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“That fucking kid.”
You groaned, lifting your mattress and checking underneath and round your bed. You knew Scott was going to snatch your diary the moment you’d realized he overheard you tell Ororo where you kept it.  He was always busting your balls the same way he did Logans, even insisting it was a ‘two for one’ deal when he got to bother you at the same time. 
Well, he was really gonna regret messing with you this time.
“Summers! I’m going to wring your goddamn neck! Where is it?”
Your voice boomed through the open halls of the mansion as you barreled down the stairs, feet moving faster than your thoughts. Everything echoed in this place; if he was here, you know he heard you.
“Scott!”
You continued to call his name, stomping around until you locked eyes with him as you entered the kitchen. In his hands - to your abject horror - was your diary, spread open while Logan peeked over his shoulder. 
Truthfully, Scott was a little scared shitless of the consequences of what he’d done. He’d dealt with Logan back and forth, sure, but you? Terrifying. You had just about the same strength as Logan and about five times his rage. That’s why his eyes grew wide when he saw you, snapping the little book shut. 
You could feel your face burning. A diary was private within itself, but there were some things you’d written that were never supposed to be read by another soul; Scott and Logan’s included.
“Fucker,” you grumbled, reaching forward to grab the book from Scott’s hands until Logan snatched it, holding it above your head. 
“Ah, not so fast,” he teased.
You’d gotten into plenty of squabbles with Scott, but he was absolutely going to pay for this. He knew the way you felt about Logan and you swore he got some sick satisfaction out of trying to humiliate you. He only found out because he’d overheard you confiding in Jean late one night in the living room with a pint of ice cream in your hands, yapping while you shoveled Ben and Jerrys into your mouth.
Your eyes flickered between his face and Logan’s. If looks could kill, Scott would have dropped dead the second you walked into the kitchen. 
“Now what is this,” Logan asked with a lilt in his voice as his eyes scanned a page, “a whole paragraph for little ol’ me?”
Shit. 
“I’ll give it back, I promise, but I gotta read this.”
If you tried, you could maybe snatch the thing from his grip before he read too much. You considered jumping on him, piggybacking until he dropped it or handed it over. What lengths would you be willing to go through to keep it a secret anyway? Was it really even a big deal?
You had a crush. Everybody does at some point. A stupid, harmless crush and if this was how he was going to find out, so be it. 
You were still absolutely planning on tearing Scott from limb to limb, though.
“Huh,” Logan clicked his tongue, beginning to read from the pages, “No one knows how to piss me off like Logan.”
You sighed, dropping your head into your hands.
“True,” he commented, “and he spends a ridiculous amount of time in the bathroom to do his hair.”
“Also true,” Scott chimed in, becoming the subject of your seething gaze. 
“He’d save so much time if he just let me do it for him - like it would be hard to comb it into two cat ears,” he read, looking up to speak to you, “first of all, I told you they’re not cat ears.”
You simply nodded and rolled your eyes.
“Second of all, you couldn’t master ‘em anyway - I’d have to fix it myself.”
You just scoffed, leaning yourself back against the kitchen counter in an attempt to act nonchalant while you tapped one foot uncontrollably. Everything he’d read so far seemed to be the mundane stuff, nothing incriminating just yet. 
“God, how I wanna…play with his hair,” he read, eyebrow quirked in confusion.
Ah, there it is.
“That’s, uh - it’s really old, I didn’t mean, like - it’s from years ago,” you tried to blabber out an excuse.
“It’s dated - it’s from a couple months ago.”
You pursed your lips, nearly biting through the flesh at the same time from the pressure. You had to get that book out of his hands.
“He’s so stubborn,” Logan continued to read with a smug grin, holding the book high when you jumped to grab it, “I wish someone would just put him in his place.”
“Ooh,” Scott chuckled, looking to you, “are you gonna be the one to do it?”
“Fuck you, Summers - I’m so gonna get you back for this,” you snarled.
“I don’t think it would take too much for him to keep his mouth shut” Logan started to read again.
You instantly recognized the part he was reading and gasped, frantically reaching again for the book. 
“No, no, no, Logan, please - you don’t wanna read th-“
“I’d love to be the one to do it. I wanna take him and -”
He stopped reading and his eyes scanned the rest of the page, his amused smile faltering. You knew exactly what it was he’d read and you wanted to bury yourself alive. You remembered scrawling it down, snickering to yourself as you dragged the gel pen across the paper.
I wanna take him and tie him to my bedpost, probably shove my panties in his mouth and fuck him senseless.That would really shut him up.
Out of all the pages in that goddamn book, that’s the one he had to open up to?
You watched intently as his eyes flashed from yours to the page and then back again.
“What does it say?” Scott questioned, trying to lean over to get a look.
Instead of letting him read it, he snapped it shut and held it out towards you, his face expressionless. Was he mad? Grossed out?
“Don’t worry about it. We shouldn’t be readin’ her private stuff anyway.”
“Uh…,” you hesitated, fingers softly grazing his when you took it back, “thanks.”
You turned on your heel immediately and hastily made your way back to your room. You hoped to hide out there the rest of the day, praying maybe Logan would forget what he’d read or just let it be. You knew him well enough to know he wouldn’t.
You knew him so well because you were like mirrors of each other; smart mouthed and hot headed. You realized that the first couple months with the X-men, always butting heads with him until one mission where you had to grab the back of his jacket in an attempt to keep him where he was. You tugged with so much force that you nearly knocked him on his ass. Even Hank had never been bold enough to do that, not when Logan was as riled up as could be. From that point on, it was kind of an unspoken assumption that you would always be the one who calmed him down or held him back. So, you did just that; grabbing his wrist with both hands to force him to keep his claws to himself or pushing back against him when he tried to lunge at Scott for something stupid - though, after what he just pulled, you may just let Logan rip him apart next time. Though it was never acknowledged between the two of you, you were his anchor. You held him down when he began to drift away. Fortunately for you, he did the same - using minimal effort to keep you in place when you tried to go for someone’s face or going as far as to hike you over his shoulder and carry you away from the confrontation, all while you kicked and screamed to be let down. 
You avoided him the best you could for two days after the incident in the kitchen, quick comments in passing but never staying long enough for a full conversation out of fear that he’d bring up what he read. What were you supposed to say, anyway? ‘Sorry I thought about fucking you?’
You’d have to think of something because you were face to face in training a few days later. Scott stood to the side of you both, a stopwatch in his hand. 
“Alright, when I say go, whoever pins the other down for more than five seconds wins. Remember, you're each trying to beat your time from the last session.”
Scott’s voice almost sounded underwater. Your eyes were locked with Logan’s and though you wanted to rip your gaze away, you couldn’t.
“Ready? And…go!”
He backed out of the way and you tried to lunge at Logan, quickly being flipped onto your back.
“Okay, ow,” you whispered to yourself, immediately standing back up.
He tried to grab you when you stood but you caught his hand, twisting his arm behind his back to force him to the ground. You straddled his back and kept your weight on him but he was too quick, turning over and pushing you off him.
“Don’t get too excited, now,” he panted, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.
You were caught off by the low cadence of his voice, inadvertently letting your guard down and giving him an opportunity to pin your arms above your head and keep your legs down with the weight of his knee. Scott began to count down and you racked your brain for a way to get yourself out from underneath him. 
You were able to pull one of your legs free, sending him a little off balance and using your leg on the side of his torso to roll him over on his back again. You straddled his waist, using your hands and your forearms to hold his down. That, however, left you nose to nose while panting for air. 
“What, you thought I’d let you win?” You asked, tongue poking at the corner of your open mouth. It was usual for you to tease each other with little snide comments. Nothing any different from the usual, right?
“Nah, I just really like havin’ you on top.”
Nope, definitely different. 
You didn’t even hear Scott call time on your match at first. 
“Hey! Lovebirds! I said you can get off each other. Jesus,” he groaned. You finally remembered where you were and quickly scrambled off of Logan. 
“Aw, really? It was just gettin’ good,” he chuckled. You could feel his eyes on you as you gathered your belongings with your back turned. You tried to step out into the hallway, praying he wouldn’t catch you before you met the elevator doors - of course, you weren’t that lucky.
“Hey, hey - princess, wait up,” you heard him call after you and you stopped, turning on your heel with an irritated expression.
“About the other day, the thing you wrote - “
You sighed, rubbing your face in distress and cutting him off before he could finish.
“Listen, Logan,” you quickly looked around the corridor to make sure you were alone, “I know what you read, I don’t wanna talk about it. It - look, it was some stupid phase where I had a crush and it’s over, okay?”
He tilted his head. You hoped he would simply nod and move on, but you watched his lips curl into a smile instead.
“Aw, what happened - you changed your mind?”
You knew him well enough to understand the look on his face. He was never gonna let this go - in fact, he was probably going to nearly torture you over it. 
“Shut up,” you huffed and continued to walk away, keeping your stare straight ahead.
“Aw, pretty girl -“
You dropped your belongings to the floor with an audible thud and gathered the front of Logan’s t-shirt in your fists, tugging him down to your height so you were face to face. 
“First of all, I told you not to call me that - ‘princess’, ’pretty girl’ - like I’m one of your little girlfriends. Okay, kitty cat?” you scolded through gritted teeth. He hated being called that and you knew it.
His eyebrows were raised and his lips parted in surprise.
“And second of all,” you continued with a deep breath, “you read it, it’s done - leave it be, would you? It doesn’t mean anything.”
You still had his shirt in your tight grip.
“Alright, alright - I’m just teasing,” he admitted, trying to pry your fingers from his t-shirt, “and I’m sorry, I never should’ve been reading it in the first place.” 
You sighed and finally let him go.
“Fine, I forgive you. And you can’t ever tell anyone what you read. Promise?”
“Cross my heart and hope to die.”
“So, we’re cool again? Nothings weird?”
“Not unless you make it weird.”
“You were the one flirting with me.”
“Uh - was not. I was simply creating a distraction to throw you off guard and it worked.”
“I’ll get you back.”
“Sure, you will.”
✦•······················•✦•······················•✦
You and Logan were in forced proximity hours later, standing with Scott, Jean and Ororo in Charles’ office.
“Do we really have to go?” Logan groaned, hanging his head back in frustration.
You were staring at the thick paper invite atop Charles’ desk. All your names were scrawled in cursive, surrounded by small gold detailing with the event written on top. It was some kind of Gala, something for charity that you couldn’t quite make out from where you were standing.
“It would be a wonderful opportunity to represent the school, yourselves and the mutant population as a whole,” Charles answered.
“You really think wolvie and his little hothead wrangler are gonna be well behaved enough to not make a scene?” Scott gestured towards you both.
Logan stepped towards him and you instinctively grabbed the sleeve of his jacket to hold him back. He looked back at you, clearly annoyed.
“We’ll be fine,” you insisted while glaring daggers in Scott’s direction.
You didn’t notice that you were still holding the sleeve of Logan’s jacket when Charles dismissed you. You let go and cleared your throat as you followed him out of the room.
“There's no way in hell I'm wearing a suit,” he grumbled, looking down at his flannel and jeans.
“You don’t wanna play dress up?” You teased.
“And look like a stuck up prick? No.”
“I'm kind of excited to wear something nice for once,” you admitted, “I’ve got a couple nice dresses I’ve never even worn. Besides, maybe there’s gonna be a couple of hot, rich guys there.”
You were looking straight ahead as you walked side by side down the hall, smiling to yourself. If you had turned your head, you would have seen the way Logan rolled his eyes. 
“What, you’re gonna go home with some rich schmuck just ‘cause he’s got money?”
He sounded almost annoyed. You furrowed your eyebrows and shrugged. 
“I don’t know, if he’s good looking, maybe.”
That was only a little truthful. You were not the type of person who was comfortable enough to go back to a stranger's place or hook up with someone you’d never see again. But maybe you could, if it would keep your mind off Logan and convince him to forget about what he’d read a few days ago. And if the guy did have money? It certainly wouldn’t be a problem for you.
“Oh,” Ororo piped up from behind you, stretching out the vowel, “I see - you’re going shopping. Gotta try before you buy, huh?”
She playfully poked your side and you chuckled, swatting her hand away.
“Call it what you want,” you responded, “but I’m gonna have fun, at the very least.”
You would end up having fun - just in a much different way than you expected.
You decided on getting ready for the night in Ororo’s room when the time came a few weeks later. She was touching up her makeup at her vanity while you changed behind the bathroom door. 
“Does it fit?” She asked through the wood with her eyes still on her reflection.
You were attempting to zip the back of your dress with your arm stretched uncomfortably over your shoulder.
“In a way? Kind of.”
Jean entered the room just then, having already gotten ready in her and Scott’s room.
“She’s trying on a dress that’s been in her closet since last year that still had tags,” Ororo explained to her as she sat on the edge of the bed.
“Can one of you zip me up, though?” you sighed in defeat and opened the door, “I can’t get it.”
“Woah, mama!” Ororo comically wolf whistled and you rolled your eyes with a smile.
The dress was your favorite out of your collection of unworn clothing; it showed the perfect amount of skin and hugged your figure phenomenally. To top it off, the color complemented your skin in the best way possible.
“I don’t look silly? I feel a little funny getting all dolled up,” you confessed, turning around so Jean could pull your zipper up the rest of the way.
“Definitely not silly,” Jean reassured you but mumbled under her breath after, “Logan’s gonna lose it.”
You turned back around to quirk an eyebrow at her.
“Who cares what he thinks? Did I say I care what he thinks? ‘Cause I don’t. Like, at all.”
“Honey,” Ororo began, “we already know you like him, remember?”
You groaned and bent down to look into the mirror on her vanity.
“I don’t - not anymore, at least.”
“Yeah, right,” Jean giggled, “keep telling yourself that.”
Ororo looked at the time on her watch and hastily stood to slip on her shoes, “We’re gonna be late if we don’t leave soon. Logan and Scott are supposed to meet us downstairs.”
You stepped into your shoes and grabbed the little bag you’d carry for the night, following her and Jean out the door. When you finally got to the staircase, you could see Scott and Logan talking to each other at the bottom, the latter of the two standing with his back facing the stairs. 
“All right, ready!” Jean enthusiastically announced. If she hadn’t said anything, the simultaneous clicking of your shoes would’ve announced your presence for you.
Logan turned around to face you. At that moment, he wondered why he ever complained about going in the first place. His eyes were glued to you as you came down the stairs and you could feel yourself start to get warmer. 
He looked so good in a tux, Jesus Christ. You liked when he wore those tight fitting tanks and jeans, sure, but something about the formal attire really did it for you. His cologne wafting into your space when you stood next to him didn’t do much to help dispel any feelings you had, either. How badly you wanted to just forget the stupid event, tug him into your bedroom upstairs and show him that you were so not kidding about what you’d scribbled in your diary. Alas, that was certainly not going to happen.
‘Just an old crush,’ you internally tried to remind yourself, ‘just an old crush - that’s it. I’m not into him anymore.’
Except that you knew damn well it was a lie. 
“We’re gonna be late if we stand here any longer, c’mon,” Scott began walking with Jean while you, Logan and Ororo followed.
“You look nice,” Logan finally spoke as you made it to the door, “think you’ll bag any of those rich guys?”
You almost asked what he was talking about, too lost in thinking about how you actually wanted to bag him and not some stranger.
“I don’t know,” you answered truthfully, “but if I do, you’ll be the last to find out.”
“Oh, really? Why’s that?”
“Because I’ll never hear the end of it.”
“Got that right.”
You eventually found yourself in a large, decorated open room, sat in the corner with Logan while he nursed a glass of whiskey and you anxiously scarfed down appetizers. The rest of the team had walked off to mingle - like normal people do.
“Kid, you’re gonna choke if you keep eatin’ that fast,” he warned you.
“ ‘m a stress eater,” you explained with a mouthful of fancy cheese, “besides, you’re a stress drinker. Thank god there’s so many tiny foods.”
He scoffed and took a sip of his drink. 
“What are you even stressed about, anyway? Half your job tonight is to just stand there and look pretty and you’ve already got that down.”
“Thank you, I think?” your eyes nervously scanned the room, “I just hate being in a crowded place, especially one this big that’s full of complete strangers.”
“Why do you think I’m holdin’ a glass right now?” 
Your eyes flickered between his and the half full glass in his hand. You wordlessly took it from his fingers before he even had time to react and downed the contents in one gulp.
“Well, that’s one way to calm your nerves,” he commented, “but if you keep drinkin’ like that, you’re gonna be face first on the ground before the nights even started.”
You were still holding a grimace from the burn of the alcohol but shook your head and cleared your throat, “I just needed the kick in the ass - I’m good.”
“So, you’re gonna go socialize? Good luck,” he raised his eyebrows, “something tells me these people aren’t really who we want to be hanging out with.”
“Why, because they have an immense amount of cash to burn and we don’t? You can’t hate people just because they have money, Logan.”
“Then how am I doin’ it right now?”
You rolled your eyes.
“I think there’s gotta be a few genuinely good people out there who just happen to be rich.”
“Uh-huh, and I think two plus two is five - it doesn’t make me right.”
“You know what? I’m going to prove you wrong,” you said smugly, standing up from the table. 
“I think you’ll prove me right.”
“You wanna bet?”
“It’s a deal.”
“What are we betting, exactly?”
“How ‘bout this - if either of us can find someone here we actually want to go home with, you win. If we don’t, I win.”
“Fine,” you narrowed your eyes and crossed your arms, “what does the winner get?”
“I don’t know,” he shrugged, “we can figure it out later.”
With that, you both dispersed. You were still feeling uncomfortable but that wasn’t going to go away unless you did something about it. Do you just go up and talk to someone? What do you say?
“Excuse me,” a voice said from behind you and you turned around, only to be face to face with a cute guy in a tux.
“Oh, so they come up to you,” you thought immediately.
“Uh, I don’t mean to be forward with you, but you look very beautiful,” he said politely, a charming smile on his face, “I saw you when you walked in and wanted to say something, I just wasn’t sure if you came with someone.”
You took a second to respond, still processing the fact that he even came up to you. 
“Oh, thanks,” you finally replied, “you’re not too bad yourself.”
You tried to use humor to dispel the awkwardness - the type of awkwardness you feel when you get asked to go to a school dance in the seventh grade - but this guy was cute. If you just got to know him a bit, the mild discomfort would probably pass.
“I didn’t come here with anyone, by the way,” you added, “Well, I mean, I did but not in that way - I’m with friends.”
“That’s good to know,” he said, grinning, “in that case, would you wanna dance with me?”
You hadn’t even asked each other your names, and you didn’t really care. 
You nodded and let him take your hand, “I have to warn you, though - I’m no dancer.”
“Well, do I look like one? ‘Cause I’m certainly not, either. But when there’s a beautiful woman in the room that you really wanna talk to, you’ve got to think of a reason to go up and talk to her.”
“I don’t know - I think you just might be a bit of a smooth talker.”
He was and it was definitely working. He clicked his tongue and waved his hand dismissively.
“Oh, c’mon, don’t make me blush.”
He was funny, too. All you had to do was find out a little more about him - for the sake of the bet, yes, but also to determine the probability of breaking his bed frame later if it all went well.
So, you let him rest his arms around your waist and you put your hands on his shoulders. It was kind of nice to have someone so close. You started to feel mildly uncomfortable, though, as if someone was staring at you. You ignored it anyway, deciding it was just the anxiety of being in a place with a lot of people.
Really, it was Logan standing across the room with his stare glued to you two. He looked like he wanted to bore a hole into the poor guy's skull. When you finally caught sight of him, he turned and seemingly disappeared.
You spent a bit of time with your new date, intending to subtilely interrogate him to find out if he fit the criteria for your bet with Logan. Even if he didn’t? You might let him take you home anyway.
You sat with him at an abandoned table, leaning your head on your hand as you half - listened to him talk about stocks. You glanced around the room and spotted Logan again almost immediately. 
He was leaning against the wall with a girl hanging from his arm. She was talking away and he looked completely disinterested. The whole point of coming was to distract yourself from anything to do with him and there you were, ignoring your date to silently seethe at a girl who was only in his vicinity.
You tried to zone back in on the conversation and really pay attention when he started to talk about his job. It was some tech company you’d heard of, a big name in the industry.
“Oh, so, what do you do there?” 
“Well, I own it.”
You squinted and sat up straight.
“You own the company.”
It was more of a statement than a question.
He nodded and you raised your eyebrows. This was going much better than you anticipated. You couldn’t help but glance over at Logan to see that girl still standing with him.  She was twirling a strand of her long hair around her finger. She was undeniably pretty, so you wondered why he wasn’t even looking at her while she hung all over him.
“Hey, would you wanna dance with me again? I know it’s a little slow paced, but I love this song.”
You returned your attention to the man in front of you and smiled as politely as possible.
“You know what? Sure, why not.”
You let him lead you into the middle of the room and rest his hands on your hips. He pulled you much closer than you’d been standing before, so much so that you were nearly stepping on his shoes. His hands slid down further and you laughed a little to yourself. This was what you wanted, wasn’t it? So you wondered why it didn’t feel like something you wanted at all.
You caught Ororo’s gaze from across the room and she smiled, flashing you a thumbs up. When you caught Logan’s gaze, he was anything but smiling. There was a reason you felt like all this was something you didn’t want - you knew you wished it was him you were standing with. Still, you weren’t sure of why he wouldn’t tear his eyes from you or why he had such a scowl on his face. 
You stopped staring back when your date planted a kiss on your forehead.
“What was that for?”
“Well, I kinda wanted to kiss you but I figured maybe goin’ right for the lips might have been too much.”
“We don’t even know each other's names.”
“Do we have to?”
You thought hard for a moment, wondering if Logan was still watching. It wasn’t fair to kiss someone just to try to make another person jealous, you knew that. He didn’t even have a reason to be jealous.
“You can kiss me.”
He was an alright kisser - nothing exciting. His lips were soft, though, and you liked the smell of his cologne. Before you could deepen the kiss any further, he was tugged backwards and off of you.
Logan had the back of the poor guy's jacket in his fists, nearly yanking him down to the floor with how much force he used.
“Alright, bub,” he grunted, “I think that's enough, she’s leavin’.”
You glared daggers at him with your lips parted in surprise.
“I can leave when I want to,” you said through gritted teeth, “what the hell is your problem?”
“Is he your boyfriend?” your date asked, nervously looking between you both.
“He’s n-” you began to answer and Logan cut you off as he grabbed your arm.
“Yeah. Get lost.” 
You furrowed your eyebrows in anger but could feel your face becoming warm. You weren’t totally sure if you were turning pink from how enraged you were with Logan or from the words that just came out of his mouth.
“Outside. Now,” you demanded, tugging your arm from his grip.
You turned to walk away and he followed as you grumbled to him, holding your dress up a bit so you wouldn’t trip as you stomped out.
‘What the fuck was that?”
He didn’t answer, simply following at your heels with his eyes on the marble floor of the corridor. You swung open the door and stepped into the cool summer evening air, waiting until the door shut behind you to speak again.
“What, you didn’t want me to win the bet?” you guessed with raised eyebrows.
“You’re really gonna let some guy you don’t know shove his tongue in your mouth?”
You stood in stunned silence for a moment.
“Are you kidding? How is that any of your business?”
He scoffed and shook his head.
“I can’t believe you’re gonna let some asshole be all over you just ‘cause he's got money.”
“What?” you furrowed your eyebrows, “why do you care?”
“Why don’t you? Seriously, you’d just go home with some guy and fuck him?”
“I don’t - I don’t know,” you stuttered, “maybe, but that was part of that stupid bet! Not that it’s any of your concern!”
You were nearly shouting at each other.
He clicked his tongue and spoke in a sour tone, “none of my concern, sure. I didn’t think you’d actually try and go home with someone -”
“Okay, you know what?” you threw your hands up in frustration, “I don’t know what the hell your problem is or why you’re acting like some jealous boyfriend, but fucking cut it out!”
You were both finally quiet for a moment. The sound of cicadas and crickets songs filled the silence. Logan’s face was pleading, his features highlighted by the soft golden yellow light seeping through the building’s windows.
“You just don’t get it, do you?” he mumbled under his breath, his arms crossed over his chest.
You raised your eyebrows, “get what?”
You sounded exasperated, sick of playing what felt like the worst game of twenty questions ever.
Logan brought a hand to his face, scratching at his facial hair - something you recognized as a nervous habit.
“That stupid fuckin’ notebook, the little one you write in,” he groaned, “I just wish I never read it.”
“So, you’re mad about that?” You asked, clearly still confused as to what he was trying to say, “listen, I’m sorry, it wasn’t -“
“No, no, that’s not what I’m saying,” he interrupted, “it’s - fuck, I don’t know. I don’t know, It's like I read that damn thing and lost my mind.”
You waited for him to elaborate, a puzzled expression still plastered on your face.
“It’s all I can think about, all the time - it's like I close my eyes and I can still see it written down in your chicken scratch. I don’t even know what to do, It’s so stupid,” he huffed.
You still didn’t understand what he was trying to tell you or whether he was talking to you or himself.
“And then - I don’t know, alright - you look so…” he groaned with his face in his hands, “I like you - is that enough? Ya’ get it? I liked you for awhile and then Scott had to go peekin’ through shit that wasn’t his and reading that shit you wrote just made it even worse for me. I’m supposed to read that you wanna ‘fuck me senseless’ and just let it go? You thought that wasn’t gonna do something to me?”
You were slack jawed, feeling like your legs were going to give out from under you.
He seemed angry, his nostrils flaring while he held a frown.
“So…you -“ 
His hands cupped your face and he leaned down close enough for you to feel his warm breath on your skin.
“So, I want you to fuck me like you said you wanted to.”
Your eyes grew so wide that you feared they might pop out of your head. 
“Would you, if I asked?” He continued in a low voice.
Your stomach erupted in butterflies and you nodded without hesitation. Conversations like this with Logan had only ever happened in your dreams.
His lips finally connecting with yours made your head spin. If he wasn’t tenderly holding your face, you might’ve just let yourself fall to the ground.
“I’ve been thinking about you for months, you know,” he admitted when he pulled away, “watchin’ when you walk away, thinking about how you say my name, wishing I could just tell ya’ - I didn’t have the nerve. Seein’ you with another guy, though - I couldn’t take it anymore. I thought I could and I just can't.”
You almost expected to hear the beeping of your alarm clock that would startle you awake in your bedroom. Still, it never came. You could feel his hot breath on your face, the breeze on your skin, the warmth of his hands; it was all too real.
“You mean it? All of it?”
You didn’t know why your voice sounded so desperate, almost pleading with him not to toy with you.
“ ‘course I do. Of course, I mean - god, look at you.”
His mouth was on yours again and you smiled against his lips, your cheeks tinted pink.
“Hey, wait,” you pulled away momentarily, “why did you agree to that bet in the first place, then?”
He gnawed on his bottom lip anxiously.
“I kinda figured you wouldn’t be able to find someone good enough, I don’t know - maybe I could convince you to come back with me instead.”
“That was your plan?” you let out a small laugh, smiling so wide that your face began to ache.
“Well, It might’ve worked if you hadn’t met what’s-his-face in there.”
“I don’t know his name,” you shrugged, “didn’t care to ask.”
He quirked an eyebrow at you.
“I let him kiss me because I wanted to make you jealous,” you admitted, “I still like you.”
“I know.”
“You know?”
His expression was as smug as could be.
“That you still like me? Yeah.”
“How? Am I that obvious?”
“It’s not your fault,” he shrugged and lowered his voice to a whisper as he put his lips to your ear, “I could smell how wet you’ve been all night.”
You swallowed hard and shivered when his hand slid up your back.
“And it worked, by the way - I’m jealous.”
“Yeah?”
He nodded and leaned his forehead against yours.
“Well,” you affectionately scratched at the hair at the back of his head, “are you gonna do something about it, then?” 
He kissed you with much more fever than before and you caught his lower lip between your teeth, making him groan into your mouth. His hands were in your hair to push you even further into him to the point he was practically hunched over your body. When you finally took a second to catch your breath, you had a realization.
“I won the bet.”
He furrowed his eyebrows.
“Please tell me you don’t mean you’re actually still gonna go home with that guy.”
“No,” you rolled your eyes and let out an amused scoff, “I meant you, Logan.”
“Me,” he repeated with a beaming smile, “you’re coming home with me.”
You nodded and giggled, absentmindedly fixing the hair hanging in front of his forehead. 
He was staring into your eyes in a way that had you feeling as though there was nothing else around you - no fancy party inside, no responsibility to socialize - just you and Logan in the cool light of the moon. He was studying your face like he’d never see it again if he turned away.
“What if I couldn’t wait till we got home?” He asked quietly. His warm breath just barely grazed your lips.
Your eyes widened and you thought for a moment, looking between him and the door beside you.
“C’mere,” you instructed simply, taking him by his hand and leading him inside to walk down the main hallway. You scanned the area and once you were sure no one would see either of you, you began trying knobs of different doors to see if one would open. When one finally gave, you slipped inside with Logan in toe and flicked on the lights. It was a small dusty office, one that probably hadn’t been used in a few months at the very least.
Neither of you wasted any time in taking advantage of your newfound isolation. Logan was kissing you like he was starving to taste you, working his way down your neck with an open mouth to leave darkening spots slick with his saliva.
“Logan,” you sighed, eyes fluttering closed momentarily from the way he was nipping and sucking at your skin.
“I love when you say my name,” he admitted, mumbling into your neck. His hands were everywhere - tangled in your hair, resting on your waist, your hips, your ass - he was desperate to keep his hands on you now that he had you. 
You disconnected your lips for a moment so you could hop back to sit up on the top of the desk behind you. You hiked the skirt of your dress above your knees to avoid ripping it and motioned for him to stand between your knees as you held the middle of the skirt down with one hand.
“I’ve got an idea for my reward for winning the bet,” you smiled mischievously, leaning up to hold his chin and force him to look you in the eye, “what do you say, pretty boy? You wanna be part of it?”
He nodded eagerly and the pace of his breathing increased significantly.
“Good,” you leaned back on one hand, using the other to tug at Logan’s suit jacket, “off.”
He obeyed without hesitation and shrugged the garment off his shoulders. He began to untuck his shirt and you stopped him with a gentle touch.
“Did I say to take that off too, sweetheart? I don’t think I did,” you spoke softly in a firm tone.
“No - no, ma’am.”
It drove you crazy to have him under your thumb in that way, his usual domineering nature and dominance melting away by the second. 
“So do as you're told, baby,” you instructed, “if you’re good for me, maybe I’ll reward you back.”
You could see him swallow hard, eyelids nearly fluttering closed when he thought of all the possibilities of what that might entail. 
“F- mhm, fuck,” he stuttered when you brought a hand to the front of his pants and barely grazed the spot below the button with your fingertips. He began to twitch more and more with every touch.
“Are you gonna say yes?” your voice was near taunting, “or do I have to try a little more convincing?”
You popped the button on the front of his pants with ease and slid your hand underneath to feel him over the soft fabric of his underwear.
“Yeah, yes, I - ah, yeah,” he moaned in response, rocking his hips towards your hand and resting his forehead on your shoulder.
“Yes what?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
You smiled and gently kissed his temple.There was something so lovably vulnerable about the way he was acting with you. You knew he’d never let another soul find out that he loved what you did to him - dreaming of you whispering affectionate nicknames and praise as he sloppily pounded into you or spending hours on his sore knees just so he could feel you cum on his face - but the intensity of his devotion bordered otherworldly. 
“Do me a favor, baby,” you started, lifting your hips for a second to drag your panties down your legs, “take out your pretty cock for me.”
He obeyed, tugging his pants down his thighs just enough for his already hard dick to spring up out of the confines of his briefs. You inadvertently licked your lips at the sight, thinking of how heavenly he’d feel in you. He was huge, but for a guy who’s six foot two, it wasn’t a surprise.
He stood expectantly between your legs with his hands on your thighs. You leaned back on both hands, cocking your head to the side as you spoke.
“Touch yourself first and maybe I’ll let you touch me.”
The ‘maybe’ was a bluff. He knew as well as you did that you’d let him touch you regardless.
“Gimme your hand,” you ordered before he could even wrap his fingers around himself. You leaned your mouth over the palm of his hand and spat.
He groaned from the gesture alone, knees nearly buckling when he finally brought his hand down to coat his cock in your saliva.
“Feels good?” You cooed, eyes flickering from his face to his leaking cock in his fist.
“Mm - mhm, yeah, ‘s good,” he panted, “really fucking good.”
You failed an attempt to hide your wide smile, hypnotized by the repeated motion of his hand. He looked so pretty like this - his jaw hung open, chest heaving while his face became more flushed with every passing second. You could feel the rush of heat in your lower stomach just from watching him.
You couldn’t help yourself from leaning forward a little and unbuttoning his shirt from the top down, all while he watched you intently, his breathing becoming heavier the closer your hand came to his.
“Think of you all the time when I do this at home,” he panted, “you’re so fuckin’ beautiful.”
The compliment made your heart swell; it was a sweet remark that so greatly contrasted the obscene speed of his hand as he stroked himself. 
“You’re such a pretty boy,” you whispered and planted a kiss on his pink cheek, “you look amazing.”
You caught the way the motion of his hand slowed and you couldn’t stop yourself from reaching forward and wrapping your fingers around his cock. He growled, dropping his head to rest on your shoulder as he squeezed his eyes shut.
“Don’t work yourself up so soon, kitty cat, or you’re gonna be finished before I even get to fuck you,” you murmured into his ear and he gasped as you started to pump him.
“Don’t - ah - don’t call me that,” he whimpered.
“Aw, you don’t like it, my pretty kitty?”
He growled again, even more animalistically , but his hips jerking into your hand told you he really didn’t hate that nickname as much as he told you he did.
“C’mon, sweetheart,” you continued to tease, “I know you like it - you love bein’ my big, pretty kitty.”
He groaned, lifting his head from your shoulder and crashing his lips into yours. 
“Sh-shut up,” he managed to grunt.
You immediately withdrew your hand and sat back again.
He whimpered from the loss of contact and looked at you with pleading eyes, silently asking why you stopped.
“I said you had to be good for me, didn’t I?” you asked.
He nodded, eyes traveling from your thighs, up your body and then back down again. 
“Good boys don’t talk back,” you said simply, raising your eyebrows.
“I’m sorry, I’ll - I’m good, I’ll behave, just please -“
His speech was cut short when you hiked your dress up even further to expose your bare, wet pussy.
“Fucking Christ,” he moaned.
You tugged the top of your dress down to expose your chest and he had to grip the desk you were sitting on so his legs wouldn’t give out from under him. 
“If you can be real quiet,” you pushed some fallen hair out of his face, “I’ll let you cum in me. You want that?”
“Please, ‘v been thinking of that for fucking weeks,” he begged, “please, please, baby.”
He tentatively cupped one of your breasts and you rested your hand atop his, encouraging him to squeeze and knead however he pleased. You spurred him on to the point that he couldn’t resist leaning down to take one of your nipples into his mouth, swirling his tongue and sucking while his fingers toyed with the other one.
You couldn’t help whining from the sensation of his mouth on you while you combed your fingers through his hair.
He finally detached himself after ravishing your chest in wet kisses and left a string of saliva connecting his tongue to your nipple. You giggled a little to yourself and crashed your lips into his again in a heated mess of tongues and teeth. You scooted your hips up on the table and used your grip on his cock to graze his tip up against you, making him shudder.
“You’re so - fuck, you’re such a fuckin’ tease,” he gasped and held your hips in an iron grip.
“What’d I say about back talk?” you moved the head of his cock further away from you.
He groaned in frustration, moving his hands to hold your face, “Honey, I’m already beggin’ -  please, I need you.”
The desperation in his voice made you even wetter.
“I guess you’ve been pretty good for me - do you think you deserve it?” 
He nodded eagerly and placed his hand over yours that was around him. You let him nudge your hand away to align himself with your entrance. His eyes bore into yours as he finally began to push himself into you, rocking his hips slowly to help you adjust to his size. You wrapped your arms around his neck and he wrapped his around your waist. When he fully sheathed himself inside of you, he let out a loud moan that echoed through the small space.
“I told you to be quiet, sweetheart,” you whispered into his ear.
“Uh-huh, ‘s a lil’ hard when I’m fuckin’ a girl I’ve been dreamin’  about for months,” he mumbled, working up a steady pace while you wrapped your legs around him and locked your ankles at the small of his back to help push him further into you.
“You feel so good, Logan,” you moaned, kissing down his jaw and throat.
He groaned at full volume again.
“Are you gonna stay quiet? or do I have to shut you up? Hm?” you grinned and he made an even louder noise. You reached behind you to find your panties and folded them into a ball, holding his jaw with your other hand.
“Open.”
He obeyed immediately, rolling his eyes into the back of his head when you stuffed them into his open mouth.
“Good kitty.”
He let out a muffled growl and the speed of his hips increased.
“Yeah,” you panted, “I know you like that.”
The angle at which he was fucking you made it so that he was hitting the sensitive spot inside of you over and over again, making you gasp each time. Sweat was forming on his neck and down both your chests, practically sticking your skin together in the hot, stuffy room.
“You’re - you’re so pretty,” you told him truthfully, admiring the rosey tint of his face and the drool that was starting to run down from the corner of his mouth. His eyelids fluttered closed and he started to thrust into you hard enough to shake the desk you were sitting on. 
“Easy, kitty cat - you’re gonna break somethin’,” you muttered into the hot skin of his neck with a smug smile on your face.
His pace didn’t falter in the slightest, his hands gripping your ass to push you towards him every time he slammed his hips forward. The fabric of your panties muffled the guttural moan he choked on when you lightly sunk your teeth into his shoulder. He slid his hand between your bodies to bring his thumb to your clit, working tight circles around the bundle of nerves in rhythm with the thrust of his hips.
“Fuck, fuck, I-“ you were speechless, at a loss for words from the brutal combination of the pressure he applied with his fingers and the way he repeatedly hit that spot inside of you. His eyes were squeezed shut and his eyebrows furrowed in concentration, still whining and growling like an animal into the fabric of your underwear. You felt the heat in your lower stomach start to build and you buried your face in his shoulder, your mascara smudged under your eyes.
“Logan, Logan, I’m - ah - ‘m gonna come,” you warned, tugging on the back of his hair.
He groaned and yanked the fabric out of his mouth, immediately bringing his lips to yours so he could tenderly make out with you while the squelching sound of your dripping cunt filled the room. 
“C’mon,” he growled into your mouth, “c’mon, baby, please.”
Both your chins were slick with each other's saliva from the frantic way you’d smashed your lips together. Your whining and pleading became louder with every roll of his hips until the sensation sent you over the edge, euphoria blossoming from your lower stomach and spreading all throughout your body.
“Oh my god, Logan,” you nearly yelled, your hands slipping under his open shirt to scratch down his back, “s-so good. I love you.”
The three words slipped out without hesitation and your eyes widened, mild humiliation replacing the fading feeling of your orgasm.
His hips rutted against yours when you spoke and he leaned his face down so he was nose to nose with you.
“Love you so much.”
He kissed you softly with both his hands on your cheeks, so filled with affection that you could’ve cried. He slid his hands down back to your hips and kept his forehead against yours as he continued to drill into you.
“I don’t - I don’t ever wanna see ya’ with anybody else,” he panted, “I needed ya’ so bad. You - ah - ya’ drive me crazy.”
Even after having already came, his pussy-drunk rambling still spawned butterflies in the pit of your stomach.
“You’ll never see me with someone else, baby - promise. ‘s always been you. Only ever really wanted you,” you admitted with a soft voice.
His thrusts became sloppy and you could tell that spurring him on with your words would make him finish just as quickly as you did.
“I’m yours, always have been,” you whispered in his ear, “you’re the only one I’ve ever thought about fucking me like this.”
He choked out a sob into your shoulder and came with an animalistic growl, looking down to watch the mess being made all over your inner thighs.
“Love you so fucking much,” he repeated with a sigh, slowly stopping the thrust of his hips and resting his head against yours again.
“I love you, too,” you replied and planted a sweet kiss on the tip of his nose.
“Sorry I made such a mess of ya’,” he apologized, spreading your thighs as he pulled out, “I’ll clean ya’ up when we’re home, I swear.”
“I’ll hold you to it,” you chuckled, readjusting your dress and slipping your underwear back on while Logan tucked himself back into his pants and buttoned his shirt.
You caught a glimpse of the watch on his wrist as he moved and grabbed his hand so you could see the time.
“Shit! We were supposed to meet everyone back out front ten minutes ago,” you realized aloud, slipping yourself off the desk and pulling your dress down.
He mirrored your haste and let you fix his hair, doing the same for you and wiping away the mascara under your eyes.
“Okay, okay, c’mon,” you insisted, opening the door and slipping out hand in hand. You scurried down the abandoned corridor and all the way to the front exit. When Logan pushed open the door, you were met with Jean, Scott, and Ororo standing with worried expressions.
“What happened to you guys?” Scott asked before Jean nudged him in the arm, pointing towards your intertwined hands.
You looked towards where she was pointing and back up again, “Oh, uh…”
You tried to think of an excuse and looked to Logan beside you for help. 
“Nothin’,” he said in a nonchalant manner, “just got lost around the place - lot’s of rooms in there.”
Ororo raised her eyebrows suspiciously. 
“Sure, and, uh - Is that why you’re holding hands?”
You laughed a little, tugging his hand behind your back.
“Well,” you started, “remember I said I’d try to bag a guy tonight? Um-”
“I’ve been bagged,” Logan interrupted with a huge, smug grin.
“I wasn’t gonna put it like that,” you insisted, “but - yeah.”
“Finally,” Jean huffed and rolled her eyes, “I thought we’d have to have an intervention.”
“Huh?” Logan narrowed his eyes.
“Oh, c’mon,” Ororo laughed, “we all knew you liked each other, even before you did.” 
“And you never said anything?” Logan asked.
“Neither of you ever believed us!”
“True,” you agreed with a shrug and giggle. 
“I believe you now,” he stated, still holding your hand as you all made your way into the night, “She might like me. Just a little bit.”
✦•······················•✦•······················•✦
A/N: Thank you so much if you read till the end :) !! I did get stuck with some writers block in the middle of this and I'm not completely fulfilled w it but if I kept working on it it may take another week and my brain can't do it
Still working on requests rn so if you sent one in, I haven't forgotten about you!!! I'm trying to do two at a time so I can keep up (I won't burn myself out dw I usually do nothing all day till I work in the afternoon) <3
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iannmin · 4 months ago
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DOKYEOM AS YOUR INEXPERIENCED DOMESTIC BOYFRIEND 𖧷 ,, 이석민
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🏷️ ⋆。˚. new couple!dk x reader, fluffy&comedic headcanons, dk is a little dumb here haha bear with me
🗒️ ⋆。˚. we all love a goofy silly boyfriend <3
୨୧ ‘ masterlist ‧˚₊•┈┈┈┈୨୧┈┈┈•‧₊˚⊹ 🫧𓇼𓏲*ੈ✩‧₊˚🎐
dokyeom who always complies to your little silly requests and never once uttered a single complaint — wear matching banana onesies in broad daylight to the nearby convenience store? yes. make a funny face in front of the pastries you’ve just ordered at the cafe for your instagram post? sure. switching shoes just because your feet started hurting from the high heels? of course (at this point he is high-heel trained, he could be doing full-on jogs with them haha) he just can’t say no to his princess because honestly how could he ever deny your pouty, doe-eyed face…?
dokyeom who has absolutely no idea what the definition of personal space is and loves sticking to you whenever and wherever you are. and by that, it’s literally whenever and wherever. there was once when you were up showering at 2am to cool off the scorching summer heat, and when you turned around after applying shampoo, you literally caught him sitting down on the bathroom mat, bed hair sticking out in all directions, rubbing his eyes and staring at you doe-eyed. “kyeomie what the heck are you doing there???” (not gonna lie your soul nearly left your body) “I was scared…. :( the bed’s too empty”
dokyeom who would panick when you have your period in front of him. “JAGIYA YOU’RE BLEEDING” “it’s called menstruation…” and you can literally see the cogs turn in his brain, trying to process what that meant. “do you need a bandage?” and of course it took him quite a while to learn that you indeed do not need one…
dokyeom who brings you down to the playground across the street to build snow ducks during winter, but every single snow duck he made had some fuckass weird mutations — the beak would be missing or even the whole ass head would be gone, but regardless,, you would praise him. “look jagiya, this is us” he pointed to three snow ducks perched on the wooden bench. “kyeomie but there’s three ducks not two?” and he smiles at you saying “this is gonna be our little family in the future” 🥹
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cleolinda · 5 months ago
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Phone scam gothic
So my mom sits down and starts telling me about two weird-ass phone calls she had today—she was returning a missed call, and the woman who answered just… sobbed for a minute. I’m sitting here asking, like, a whole minute? Nothing else, just sobbing? Who did you THINK you were calling back?
“United Healthcare, they have my Medicare plan. They’ve been calling me for weeks without leaving any voicemail.”
(Are you sure it was United Healthcare? “It was the same number that’s on my card, I checked, and that’s who the caller ID said it was.”)
Are you sure it was a whole minute? Did YOU say anything?
“Yes, like sixty seconds while I kept going ‘Hello? Hello?’ It sounded like she was having a nervous breakdown, I kept waiting to see if she’d tell me what was even wrong. Finally I just hung up.”
And then my mom turned right around and called back again, because she was gonna get to the bottom of this.
This time she got a different woman, perfectly calm, who wanted to set up “your in-home direct patient care home health visit.”
At this point (at this point?) I’m staring, because no one here currently has anyone coming to the house to help with any kind of medical care. My mom might honestly be the healthiest member of the household, but even I don’t use any home services, herniated discs and all. “Did they have you… confused with someone else?”
“No, she repeated my full name and phone number back to me.”
This lady then started ARGUING with my mother. Why don’t you want us to come to your house to manage your direct patient care? Don’t you need home health care to be managed? Why don’t you need home health care? Why would you not want home health care? “I JUST KIND OF HAVE HIGH CHOLESTEROL?” But don’t you want us to manage your home health care? “WHY DO YOU NEED TO COME TO MY HOUSE TO MANAGE HEALTH CARE I DON’T USE?”
My mom finally hung up on this lady as well, without giving her any real information.
The more we talked about it, the more things we started to notice:
I was incredibly creeped out by the unsolicited use of the word “manage,” for some reason. Very sinister “write me into your will” vibes for some reason—I don’t know what these people want, but they’re gonna get you to sign something over.
My mom got especially stuck on “WHY DO YOU NEED TO COME TO MY HOUSE?!”
My mom has used home health services before… years ago, before she was on Medicare. But this company wouldn’t know about that. However, if you’re on Medicare, you’re over 65. Having not ever dealt with my mother before, someone calling a Medicare user might be playing the odds that a person over 65 is 1) in frail health and 2) old enough to get easily confused.
Fair play to my mom, she’s the one who thought of number spoofing. I’m so busy not answering the phone ever and arranging all my medical communications to happen through passworded portals that I didn’t think of it.
Hey, are you guys, like… holding someone hostage…?
So at this point, I google “United Healthcare scam.”
The “health insurance counselor”
This fraudster will offer help navigating the health insurance marketplace for a fee, capitalizing on people’s confusion about the state-based health exchanges created through the Affordable Care Act.
What to know
This sort of assistance is indeed available and is legitimate, but the people who offer it – also known as “navigators” – aren’t allowed to charge for their services. Also, remember that people with Medicare coverage don’t need to use the state health exchanges. The exchanges are for people under the age of 65, who are looking to enroll in an individual health plan.
Change “navigate” to “manage,” and I think this is it, although the lady on the phone never mentioned any fees. Either my mom didn’t let her get that far, or this is the point of actually getting into someone’s house: persuading them face-to-face to pay something, and potentially refusing to leave until the scammer has worn their target down.
Medicare does not make unsolicited phone calls.
Okay, so it was a scam no matter what it was about. As far as I’m concerned, my mom should contact Actual United Healthcare about it, and I’m here to spread the good word of Never Believing Anyone on the Phone 2k24. I don’t know what to tell you about the lady having the nervous breakdown though.
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princessbrunette · 9 months ago
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once toxic ex rafe has gotten reader to give in to him and they’re fucking all he does is threaten to cum in her so she can’t leave him again - 🤍
୭ 🧁 ✧ ˚. 🎀
he pushes down on your lower stomach whilst he continues to hammer into you, leaving you breathless and totally defenceless.
“think m’fuckin’ pullin’ out this time? huh?” he’s panting, but clearly breathing deeply holds less importance to him than berating you whilst he’s balls deep.
“don’t say that!” you mewl, but you feel hot all over in shame at the fact you know that he felt you clench hard around him when he said it. it’s probably the reason he scoffs out a mean chuckle. this right here was the reason you left in the first place. he’s fucking insane.
“dont say that— kid, if i listened to everything you told me to do, right — i wouldn’t be here back where i belong in your god damn guts would i? quit making demands, just lay back and take that shit.” he leans over you, punctuating his point by placing one hand on your neck and the other firmly over your mouth, somehow using this new position as leverage to continue fucking into you.
your whole body jostles with each thrust, whiny, pained moans falling from you uncontrollably as he fucks you the way he’d been waiting to fuck you again for ages. “yeah. shit that— that’s better, some peace n‘quiet.” he murmurs, lips parted and eyes concentrated on your body, watching the way you take him. you squeeze around him again and he licks his lips. “uh-huh. acting like you didn’t miss this shit. just needed reminding, that right? hey maybe i should knock you up. what’d you say huh? that way… you won’t be able to leave again? that sound good to you, huh?”
he removes his hand from over your mouth for a moment, using that same palm to deliver a harsh little smack to your cheek to provoke an answer.
“you cant!” you wail, but you can’t stop your walls from fluttering. unfortunately, in the moment it did infact sound good to you.
“i cant? alright.” with an alarming lack of effort, rafe manhandles you to lay on your front, yanking your ass into the air to push back inside you like nothing changed. “i can’t.” he scoffs under his breath before leaning forward to your ear, wrapping a hand back around your throat you pull your face out from the sheets. “watch me.” he hisses before shoving your face back down, hand on the back of your head as he speeds up his thrusts.
your heart hammers, because this time you believe him.
୭ 🧁 ✧ ˚. 🎀
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lavenderprose · 2 months ago
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Imagine you're Johanna Hezenkoss and your one goal in life is to Be Right All The Time and you've got this sidekick named Emmrich. He can do the whole corpse whispering thing and he's an objectively pretty skilled necromancer but, of course, YOU are Johanna Hezenkoss. And you decide that you like Emmrich enough to drag him along with you to glory. So you spend a few decades doing that. Only Emmrich is six and a half feet of saccharine poetry and fanatical devotion to the core tenants of the Mourn Watch and YOU, Johanna Hezenkoss, are just counting the moments until you can go Beast Mode in this bitch and show everyone what TRUE NECROMANTIC POWER means. So Emmrich weighs you down a bit but you're a little obsessed with him only because he's like. Real? That's a real dude? Saying that shit? Wild. Totally insane. He's like an annoying chattering dog who keeps all your secrets and makes the biggest saddest eyes at you when you say stuff like, "The world could be exactly what we want it to be. Aren't you MAD. Aren't you ANGRY at what they've taken from you. Don't you want to MAKE THEM SUFFER LIKE YOU'VE SUFFERED--"
Yeah. Whatever.
And then Emmrich betrays you because you're scaring him. SCARING him? After everything you've done for him? You were going to reinvent the world--you were going to put him at the top of it all so NOBODY could step on either of you ever again and now he's all, Oh Johanna, you're scaring me, this isn't what we believe in, you're letting your fear control you, blah blah BLAH he never shuts UP
Fear? FEAR, Volkarin? How fucking rich.
Then some stuff happens. Half lich 125 foot skeleton someone named Elgar'nan, maybe a God, who cares. You get so close--SO CLOSE--and then fucking Emmrich rolls in and this time he takes it ALL. Your power and your mortal life and your last remaining shreds of fucking credibility in this fucking world. And then he doesn't even have the basic fucking decency to say I Told You So. He keeps you on his desk like a tchochke and listens to you scream and spit and even THEN he doesn't do anything.
All the while he has his own sidekick now. Some vapid little thing always batting their eyelashes and paying Volkarin the kind of lip service that always distracted him, made his eyes go soft and his chin quiver. He's still such a weak man. You tell him so. You tell him and tell him and tell him until--
The sidekick disappears. Emmrich's eyes go empty and haunted in a way that makes you wonder what he's done to himself in his heartache and grief.
"Whoever did this to you," you tell him on the worst day, "You can make them pay. You're powerful enough. You defeated me." You being, of course, Johanna Balls of Steel fucking Hezenkoss.
"I just want them back," Emmrich admits. Because he's weak WEAK he's a weak man mewling pitifully in a dark room for his piece of ass while the moon rises red in the fucking sky and a God walks the earth.
"You have the power," you tell him. "When the world takes from you, you take those things back. This is what I've been telling you all these years, Volkarin. For once in your miserable life, LISTEN TO ME."
Finally, finally, Emmrich reacts. He screams. He throws a few books. He kicks his desk. Punches something, probably, because his knuckles start bleeding at some point. You watch it all with barely-contained glee. Anger, yes, fucking finally. You've been waiting your whole goddamn life for this man to realize how fucking ANGRY he is.
"How do I break into the fucking Fade?" He screams. He's not even looking at you. His hair is seven different kinds of fucked. His shirt is unbuttoned to the navel, and he's missing a boot.
"You could start by asking someone who's done it," you say. Emmrich turns, startled for some reason to hear you. Again you say, "Listen to me."
"Oh, Johanna," he sighs. "I've rarely done anything else."
It's not the words 'Thank you' or 'You're right'. It's certainly not lichdom or godhood or a 125 foot tall skeleton. But it's one point for Johanna Hezenkoss.
You'll make up the deficit eventually. Volkarin has a kid, after all.
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prettycottagequeer · 1 year ago
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ok maybe I'm a little late to this BUT I'm gonna do a to-do list motivation thingy because I've had the worst two weeks since I started college :)
SO these I should start on asap:
50 I make the snack I really want but I haven't had the motivation to make
100 I clean my dorm. another thing I've been meaning to do for a week
150 I do the presentation about mid-victorian fashion I've been putting off (due Monday)
200 I start memorizing the monologue that was due a week ago (now due Tuesday)
these can wait longer:
300 I spend time outside. It's so nice but I'm getting stuck scrolling because I feel like shit. vicious cycle ect
500 I start setting a better weekend routine (aka getting up before noon)
1k I start working out again. I was doing a routine to get more masc and build muscle and I liked it but life hit me like Crowley driving the Bentley and I've missed like 3 weeks
2k I buy my first binder. I've been coping with sports bras for almost a year now and I haven't been able to justify spending $50+ on a binder even though I know I'd love it and use it everyday.
Do I tag people? I don't know but I'm going to. @the-globe-theatre-maggot @weirdly-specific-but-ok @howmanyholesinswisscheese
here's just some context if you want to read, feel free to skip. some of this I've talked about in the maggot server, some I haven't, but I really just need a place for this to go that's out of my head. tw homophobia, transphobia, car crash(??)
How I Have Been Run Over By The Bentley Going 90 In Central London What Feels Like 50 Times In The Last Two Weeks
I'm going to college about 4 hours away from my parents, and it's been really nice. They.. suck, to say the least. transphobic/homophobic ect, super traditional conservative catholic, racist, all of it. so i tried to move somewhere where I wouldn't have to think about them and I could be myself and do what I can to be happy. March 1st was the start of my spring break, which meant going home because the dorms close. I was already not excited, but I was prepared. the problem with being away from home is I forget just how bad they are. My optimism gets the better of me and I think maybe this time they'll be better. so I decided to not hide my septum piercing.
that was a mistake. it starts a whole fight where they say we know you're trans, you're actually a girl and you always will be, we have the bones argument, they think I'm being influenced by demons or something (if only they knew about crowley) because I want to change my name, and they tell me that going on t will completely ruin my body and give me cancer and other things. They're also mad about my dyed hair, septum, and general style, and say I'm setting a terrible example for my (5) younger siblings and make it a point to tell me just how much of a disappointment I am. I think I'm pretty cute and fun but y'know, whatever. very fun time. I lie so much, don't give them any more details about my identity, and say I'm not planning to go on t to save my ass. which is all on instinct which makes me feel worse because if I'm really trans I should be able to stand up for that, right? maybe I'm faking the dysphoria.
the next morning I wake up really sick, and spend the rest of the week sick and feeling like shit because I'm home and back in the same place and situation I was a year ago that I thought I escaped. at one point I pretty much lose my voice but also kind of get gender euphoria from it. it's weird.
On Friday it's time for me to drive back 4 hours to school, and I make it about 3/4 of the way when google maps takes me on a random gravel road and I crash my car, really crash my car, like sideways-in-a-ditch-windows-broken-crawling-up-out-the-door crash it in the middle of nowhere. (I was fully paying attention to the road, it was raining and super slick) I call my parents because I have no one else to call and I sit in a Subway for 3 hours while they drive to get my car. when they get there they're (understandably) really mad, and they tell me that I'm not mature enough to be going to school so far away and I need to get my shit together and stop depending on them. which. is probably true. but made me feel even more stupid about the fact that I crashed my car. I get back to school and I'm still Very Sick with no energy or motivation to do anything. So I've spent the last week trying to get better and honestly to do anything. it hasn't really worked. I'm a lot better health-wise (Not emotionally), still sick but I have a lot of work due, so I really need a push to get started
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navybrat817 · 9 months ago
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Fall for Me
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader Summary: Bucky doesn't think he's good enough for you, but still wishes he could be your guy. Word Count: Over 1.4k Warnings: Longing, insecurities, "just friends" (for now), Steve is a good friend, slight feels (it's me), Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?). A/N: We'll call this a Friday Feels inspired by a nonnie.❤️ Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!
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It was a special kind of torture for Bucky to watch the person he loved flirt with someone else.
To be fair, he couldn't say for sure that you were flirting. Being friendly? Yes. You had a warm and welcoming personality, the kind he was drawn to the moment you two crossed paths months ago. One of the things he loved about you was how genuine you were. It was only natural that you pulled others in as well. Your compassion, charm, beauty, everything called to him.
You were the whole package, inside and out.
“What the hell am I doing here?” He muttered. He hadn't wanted to go to the bar, but Steve assured him it was a hole-in-the-wall sort of place. Not a lot of patrons on a night like this. Somewhere no one would bother them. He added at the last second that you were going.
Bucky grabbed his leather jacket to go as soon as those words left Steve’s mouth.
Instead of having a drink with you like he wanted or just talking, he simmered in silence in a booth while you stood at the bar. He narrowed his eyes as the guy you were talking to moved an inch closer. A bit too close for his liking.
Steve said his name was Will. They had met each other at some point in passing. Short blonde hair and a trimmed beard. Ex-military, but still built like he had a war to fight. Behind the guy’s blue eyes lurked pain, guilt, and regret that most would miss due to his general stoic demeanor. Bucky could relate all too well to horrors that haunted even the strongest of men.
But when Will looked at you, his eyes lit up. They held a sense of longing. Hope.
Once again, Bucky could relate all too well because that was how he looked at you.
“You’re doing that staring thing again,” Steve said, grabbing a beer from the bucket and setting it down in front of him. “Just talk to her.”
Bucky took a swig, but didn't take his eyes off you. He was afraid if he looked away that Will might convince you to leave with him. “Talk to her about what?”
His best friend sighed. “You know what.”
Steve knew how he felt about you. Talking about his feelings wasn't easy, but he had to tell his best friend. And it wasn't the first time Steve encouraged him to speak up. He said you had the right to know so the two of you could figure out how to move forward, whether as a couple or just friends, instead of dancing around it.
But how could Bucky admit how he felt when he didn't deserve someone like you?
“There’s nothing to talk about,” he said.
“Bullshit.”
“We're friends,” Bucky stated. The words tasted as bitter as the beer he sipped. No, not bitter. He couldn't feel that way just because he had a piece of you when he wanted all of you.
Was he selfish for that?
He nearly shattered the bottle in his hand when you giggled at whatever Will said. Something akin to jealousy settled in his chest and he had no right to feel that way. The two of you weren't together. You were single and didn't owe him a thing.
But he knows if you gave him a chance, he’d treat you well. Better than any other guy before him. He would do his best to make you happy. Maybe that wasn't enough.
“Will is a good guy, but he isn't you, Buck. You’re still one of the best guys I know,” Steve said.
“You don't have to kiss my ass, punk,” he muttered, immediately regretting it. He was only trying to help and God knows he had done more than enough for him over the years.
Steve shook his head. “And you don't have to feel sorry for yourself, jerk.”
“I’m not,” he whispered. Maybe he was. He was sorry for so many things.
As if you sensed his sadness, you looked over your shoulder and met his gaze. You smiled at him, the kind of smile that stole the very breath from his lungs and made his head spin. He wanted to believe it was a smile you reserved only for him. And the softness in your beautiful eyes, he imagined he could see his future in them.
Could you see the endless love he had for you in his?
His heart ached when you turned away and put your hand on Will’s arm. Of course, you were attracted to the guy. Why wouldn’t you be? The thought of you kissing him though, being intimate with him? He felt sick enough to finally look away.
Bucky glanced at his distorted reflection in the beer bottle. A long time ago, he would've called himself handsome. Not because he was full of himself, but because he knew himself then. He knew how to walk the line between confidence and cockiness. He was full of life and wonder once. Now the weight of his sins showed in how he carried himself.
Sins you never judged him for.
“Jamie? Are you okay?”
Steve nudged him, snapping him out of his thoughts. He was so lost in his mind that he hadn’t heard you call out to him. He should’ve known since you were the only one who called him Jamie. When he looked up from his seat, he saw that you were no longer standing next to Will as he was still at the bar. And there was nothing but concern in your gaze as you set your drink down on the table.
“What? What happened?” He asked, not smooth at all.
Your eyes flickered to Steve and then back at him. “I asked if you’re okay. You don’t look too well.”
“Not feeling so great,” he said, which wasn’t a lie. “This place…”
“Oh,” you said, sliding into the booth beside him. He inhaled, your sweet scent soothing the pain in his heart and making it race all at once. “Well, why don’t we head out? There’s no reason to stay if you don’t want to stay.”
He gently smiled. You were always willing to go with the flow and change plans if things ever got too loud or too much for him. “I’m fine. Besides, you just got your drink and you haven’t had a chance to play pool with Sam or Natasha,” he argued. He didn’t want to spoil your night.
You put your hand on his arm, but it seemed different than when you touched Will’s arm. This was tender, soothing. “If being here is making you uncomfortable, then I don’t feel like sticking around. They’ll understand. Steve, please, back me up on this.”
“She’s right. You two should go,” Steve said, conveniently leaving himself and the others out of the equation.
Bucky spared Will a glance, who was now talking to the guys he went into the bar with. He swallowed hard before the next words left his mouth. “What about your new friend?”
“You are my friend, Jamie,” you said. He winced inwardly at the reminder. Friends. You were just friends. “Don’t worry about him. Let’s just go. How about a movie at your place? Something low-key so you feel better.”
“You sure?” He asked, wondering just how eager he looked to leave with you.
“I’m sure,” you smiled, making his heart warm again.
“Okay. You convinced me,” he said. Not that it would’ve taken much. Your smile could bend the will of just about anyone.
“You know, I hear healthy conversations are also good to help people feel better,” Steve chimed in, earning an elbow to the side from Bucky.
You raised an eyebrow and slid out of the booth. “Yeah. Sure. Jamie and I can have a healthy conversation and you all enjoy the rest of the night.” You offered Bucky a hand to help him out. He didn’t want to let go. “C’mon. We have a movie waiting for us.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Bucky teased, proud of himself when you giggled.
Steve gave him an optimistic smile and he couldn’t help but return it. He wasn’t sure if Will had given you his number or if you planned to see him, but maybe he’d take a chance and tell you he had fallen for you. Maybe, if he was lucky, you had fallen for him, too.
Just maybe.
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And maybe, just maybe, this could be a thing? Did Will give you his number? Will Bucky say how he feels? What's going to happen? Love and thanks for reading! ❤️
Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi
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