#because shes too disabled for the writers comfort

[yuridovewing]

im not reading briarlight's death scene but there is something so incredibly insidious to me about tree being announced for this Brand New Special Boy Role Made Just For Him because he wouldnt do warrior or medic work, and in the exact same paragraph on the wiki, briarlight dies because the authors basically thought she was too worthless to keep around

[littlefankingdom]

~ Batgirl (2000)

They are sad and disappointed in themselves and they should be. What they did is not justice.

So, I'm mad about this issue, like really mad for personal reasons I will explain later. For context: a young girl has been kidnapped by a thief who escaped jail. It's not the first time said thief kidnapps this girl. This young girl, around 10 years old, is an artist and her mother exploits her, making money by selling her daughter's art. They are rich. This woman doesn't love her daughter, she loves the money she is making from her daughter. The man that keeps kidnapping this young girl? Her father. Her father that loves and cares for her, that turned to crime to take care of his daughter, and refuses to sell any art she makes because she made it for him, because she loves her father. And she pleads, she pleads Batgirl to let her with her father and not bring her back to her mother who doesn't love her, she pleads her to not put her father in jail. And what do Batgirl does? She stops the father, gives him to the cops and brings back the girl to her mother. On those panels, they are looking at a sad child with her abuser they brought her back to.

My mother doesn't love me. She will say she does to others, but it's not true and it has been the case for a long time, since I was very young. I wasn’t unwanted, I was just not what she wanted. My life was supposed to be centered, until my death, around taking care of my mother (she is not disabled or anything, she just wants people to do everything for her). Raised to make money I would gift to my mother, so she could have luxuries, but I was not successful in that. I grew up pleading for love, pleading for people to listen to my pain. Nobody did. I learnt that people prefer the comfort and peace of their lives over helping others. I learnt to distrust authority figures (teachers, doctors, any adults/people at least 5 years older than me in general), because either they were power hungry assholes who abuse kids, either they preferred to look away, who would tell me to be nice and listen to my mother. It's too much problem to help children. In the end, I could count on nobody but myself to get out. I can count on nobody but myself. I hate the system, and I promised myself I would never be like those who look away, I will defend any child that needs it.

So, to read a story where a little girl pleads a HERO to not bring them back to their abuser, only for said HERO to still bring her back to her abuser, to tell her to be nice and stay with her awful parent... I am furious. This issue is literally telling me that, if heroes existed, the heroes you adore since you are a child, they would not have saved you. They would have bring you back to your mother and told you to be nice, like everyone else. They would have let you go through those years of pain. Heroes would have looked away.

What is the logic here? Because it's neither justice or the good thing to do. That it is the law? Since when do they follow the law? I don't remember vigilantism being legal, or assault and battery, or owning all the weapons Bruce owns. Yes, it was still a kidnapping, her father is a criminal, it would not have been a good life for a child. But, the Bats could have tried to find a solution, instead of simply giving this child back to someone who will treat her like shit.

I know it's just a fiction, so it's not like a real child is being exploited and will be more abused later when she stops being good enough because her mental health deteriorated, nobody is going to become depressed and lose trust in heroes because the bats brought her back to her awful mother. And also, it's not the characters who are at fault, it's the writers. It's not about Cass and Bruce being bad people heroes, it's about who the fuck decided to write that. New entries in my list of enemies, Keller Puckett and Dylan Horrocks.

[authoralexharvey]

INTERVIEW WITH A WRITEBLR — @sleepyowlwrites

Who You Are:

M.J || She/her

I'm a relentlessly optimistic affectionate creative who will impart love to the world through whatever means possible, and this includes my writing. And it shows, because all my kids are either full of love or in desperate need of it.

What You Write:

What genres do you write in? What age ranges do you write for?

Action, Adventure, Contemporary, Fanfic, Fantasy, Poetry. Young and New Adult.

What genre would you write in for the rest of your life, if you could? What about that genre appeals to you?

Fantasy, it's always been fantasy. Even my contemporary pieces have trace elements of fantasy in them. I like having rules in my worlds, but ones that I made up instead of science or society.

What genre/s will you not write unless you HAVE to? What about that genre turns you off?

Romance. I sometimes think about trying it, but I quickly turn away. There's nothing about romance that is fulfilling in a way that I couldn't find elsewhere. It's just not enough for me. I want everything else, everything in the wider love spectrum, all the kinds I personally treasure in my own life.

Who is your target audience? Do you think anyone outside of that would get anything out of your works?

Anybody, but especially people who have emotions that refuse to be processed. I'm hoping to help them process those emotions through the lens of character. If a reader isn't ready for striking combinations of whimsy and weight, or unexpected feelings, then they might not jive with my stories.

What kind of themes do you tend to focus on? What kinds of tropes? What about them appeals to you?

Mental illness, friendship, hurt/comfort, the mortifying ordeal of being known, purpose, trauma, personal choices, siblings, raw depths of emotions, and shenanigans. One of these is not like the other. I like to put relatable qualities in fantastical realms and make it intimate. I want you to indulge, and I want you to think.

What themes or tropes can you not stand? What about them turn you off?

Romanticized abuse or toxic relationships, romanticized mental illness or disabilities, fake redemption arcs, poorly realized characters or cheap twists, and sex. I'm entirely uninterested in sex. There are too many things I dislike to think of them now that I've been asked, but they're just preference. Don't backtrack on character growth for the sake of drama, please.

What are you currently working on? How long have you been working on it?

That's a trick question. I work on multiple projects at once because that's what my brain prefers. My longest wip is 10 months old and my oldest is almost 7 years.

Why do you write? What keeps you writing?

I've always talked my thoughts aloud to make them make sense - my adhd doesn't think in sentences, so it can get very jumbled in my brain - and stories are an additional way of explaining the world or people to myself, or explaining myself to other people, or of explaining nothing but exploring the unnamed. I write because I feel these things anyway. Might as well share them.

How long have you been writing? What do you think first drew you to it?

Since I was 9, so 20 years ago. The same reason as above, and also my mom said I was talented. I was decidedly untalented in various other areas, so I jumped on that talent and went for it. I do still think I'm talented but I'm a good writer because I kept at it. I have the skills now to back up the talent. It’s very gratifying.

Where do you get your inspiration from? Is that how you got your inspiration for your current project? If not, where did the inspiration come from?

Anywhere, and I really mean it. I can't tell you how many times I've been sitting at a stoplight, or cleaning, or watch Chicago Med with my mom bemoaning the horrible writing and poof! Idea. It just comes to me. Little bit gift, little bit curse, really.

What work of yours are you most proud of? Why?

Hard to say. Everything. The ones that barely exist and the ones that don't make sense anymore. The poetry from 2010 that is simply terrible. The ones from 2020 that are full of grief. The stories that change form but won't leave me alone. The ones I just invented. I'm proud of of it for impacting me, the audience I write for first.

Have you published anything? Do you want to?

No. Yes? It's not the only end goal like when I was 14. It's an idea I like to entertain. I'm currently happy just to be writing along with work.

What part of the publishing process most appeals to you? What part least appeals to you?

I'd like to self-publish first, and that means learning and doing new things, which I hate. I'm 29 and I still hate it. The upside would be more control, the downside would be more control.

What part of the writing process most appeals to you? What part is least appealing?

Least appealing is finishing. Most appealing is starting and middling. I'm also afraid of worldbuilding because it tends to squash my writing drive for some reason? I'm working on it.

Do you have a writing process? Do you have an ideal setup? Do you write in pure chaos? Talk about your process a bit.

It's pure chaos. I rubber duck until sentences settle like dew in the morning, and then I sometimes collect it to make tea, and sometimes I just watch it evaporate. Both activities are important. I write until I find a plot, and if I cannot find one, I will let the tea sit and grow mold. Sometimes I have to throw it out. Sometimes I recycle, plant flowers, and grow new stories. It's chaos. I love it.

Your Thoughts on Writeblr:

How long have you been a writeblr? What inspired you to join the community?

2018 - I converted from a kpop blog - I wanted to get back into writing original fiction again, and I wanted my writeblr to be my main. So. I did that.

Shout out some of your favorite writeblrs. How did you find them and what made you want to follow them?

How. Am I supposed to pick. Some? I found everybody from following a few people and seeing who they followed. I usually follow on a whim, and then make friends after. @zmwrites, @akindofmagictoo, @blind-the-winds, @oh-no-another-idea, @ink-fireplace-coffee, @avrablake, @chayscribbles, @mel-writes-with-her-dragons, @artbyeloquent, @writing-is-a-martial-art, @ashen-crest, I have at least 80 more people I could mention

What is your favorite part about writeblr?

Making friends and adopting each other's blorbos! And reading some truly excellent stories, obviously.

What do you think writeblr could improve on? How do you think we can go about doing so?

Initiate interaction. If you want asks, send some, if you want tags, tag people, if you want readers, read stuff. There's no guarantee of reciprocity - I'm often too tired to respond enthusiastically even when I'm happy to see a post - but the more we engage, the more we are engaging. Wow, I'm a writer.

How do you contribute to the writeblr community? Do you think you could be doing more?

I try to send asks whenever I see people asking, I post prompts lists and invent tags. I start conversations and make friends that way. I could be doing more, but it’s a balance between doing more and not breaking my boundaries. I talk to people all day at work and expend social energy. As an introvert, I have to not overreach or I get anxiety and burnout. Life's a balancing act, and writeblr is no exception.

What kinds of posts do you most like to interact with?

Tag games? It liberally depends on the day. I struggle the most with reblogging others' writing. But I'm getting better!

What kind of posts do you most like to make?

Writing memes or relatability, or new tag games.

Finally, anywhere else online we may be able to find you?

Not anywhere that I use frequently.

[bonebabbles]

Reunion scene analysis

This scene in DOTC is fucking fascinating and such an interesting example of how the writer ableism gets in the way of their storytelling.

So this is right after the forest fire in Thunder Rising, when Proto-SkyClan is taking refuge in Proto-WindClan after they saved the aggressive forest group's lives. Bumble has already been exiled and Jagged Peak's only action during the entire ordeal was to agree that she was fat and useless.

Now, Clear Sky is buttering up to Thunder, seeing that he can hunt and has value as an able-bodied person and possible recruit. It's causing tension between Gray Wing and Thunder, though it's worth noting that the narration only uses "father" to refer to Clear Sky.

They have a tense meal where Proto-SkyClan sits at their little separate lunch tables and glares at their hosts. There's a Quiet Rainkin family reunion here-- Jagged Peak is hovering on the side working up the strength to talk to the brother that exiled him, Clear Sky compliments Thunder and then,

Clear Sky spotted his younger brother, too, and whipped around to face him. Jagged Peak jumped, startled. “And you? What have you done to prove yourself?” Clear Sky demanded, scorn in his voice and eyes. “Well,” he added sneeringly, “you survived. That’s as much as you can do, now.” Jagged Peak’s shoulder fur bristled. “Actually,” he began, “I was responsible for looking after the camp and the cats who—” “So you stayed behind, where it was safe,” Clear Sky interrupted. Gray Wing couldn’t ignore that. He sprang to his paws and padded up to the group. “Jagged Peak is being really useful,” he mewed sharply. “Injured leg or no injured leg. He protected the cats who stayed in the hollow, and in case you didn’t notice, he did an excellent job of welcoming your cats into our camp. We need him, Clear Sky.”

...he's not. DOTC can never refute this point, because it's constantly defining cats based on their ability to contribute, up until its very last book. Bumble was exiled for exactly this, sent back to an abuser, for the idea that she wouldn't be able to hunt and would be 'another hungry mouth.'

Jagged Peak can't do what he used to. He can't heroically lunge into a forest fire like his nephew Thunder. He is disabled. But the writer here DOES believe that everyone must do work for the Clan at large

And they express that by putting it into Gray Wing's mouth. "No no no! He IS helpful we swear! He... protected the cats who weren't in danger! He welcomed you into camp! We need him, really, promise"

It's hollow, and that makes this whole scene uncomfortable. Gray Wing does not actually refute Clear Sky's philosophy. He does fundamentally agree with it, he's only correcting Clear Sky on technicalities.

"It IS bad to not contribute, but actually, Jagged Peak does justify his existence."

So... what if he couldn't?

Turning toward Jagged Peak, Clear Sky gave him a long look from intense blue eyes. “I’m sorry,” he told the young cat. “I take back what I said.” But Jagged Peak’s gaze was still full of pain and anger. “It’s too late!” he spat, “You clearly think I’m a waste of space. Why else would you have thrown me out of the forest? And now that I’m beginning to prove myself, you need Gray Wing to tell you what I’ve done.” He shook his head. “Will I ever be good enough?”

What the scene is trying to get at is that Jagged Peak feels disrespected, and that his recovery isn't being acknowledged. That his self-esteem was destroyed by being exiled. But, instead, it reads like to me like Clear Sky very callously popped a comfortable bubble that Jagged Peak was living in

Jagged Peak ISN'T contributing like his Clanmates and THAT SHOULD BE OKAY. He is LOVED, He HAS innate worth, and that's the POINT of having a society in the first place.

Instead of challenging the notion of value being tied to contribution, this is about Clear Sky accepting Gray Wing's flimsy argument that Jagged Peak has 'proven' himself, and that he isn't acknowledging that 'progress.'

But why are we here? Why does Jagged Peak need to "prove" his life is worth living? Take note of this framing, and what sorts of values are treated as a given.

“I told you I’m sorry . . . ,” Clear Sky began. But Jagged Peak wasn’t listening. Turning his back on Clear Sky, he limped away to join Rainswept Flower. Clear Sky let out a sigh as he watched him, then turned to meet Gray Wing’s gaze. “I didn’t mean . . .” His voice trailed off. Gray Wing twitched his whiskers in exasperation. “You never do mean anything, do you, Clear Sky?” “I’m just trying to do my best for every cat!” Clear Sky protested, instantly defensive. “By humiliating your brother?” Thunder was watching the two of them, drinking in every word. Gray Wing couldn’t help feeling glad that the young cat was seeing firsthand that Clear Sky wasn’t perfect. But even thinking that made Gray Wing squirm with discomfort. Why do I care so much? Why shouldn’t Thunder be happily reunited with his father? “Well, I can’t help it!” Clear Sky snapped, his neck fur beginning to rise. “It’s not my fault Jagged Peak fell out of that tree. Every cat has to contribute, and weak cats just don’t count.” He gave a single lash of his tail. “It’s about survival!"

I drop the phrase, "Clear Sky's redemption arc was a mistake" a lot. What I mean by that is, the entire arc is built around the struggle for Clear Sky's family to help him become a better person. Instead of refuting what Clear Sky represents as a character, DOTC is stuck in a tar pit that can only focus on him as a person.

He doesn't mean to hurt anyone. He doesn't have any malice. Noo, he was a fundamentally good person the whole time, and Gray Wing is right to always always see The Good in him and fight against any nasty instincts to keep his family away from the eugenicist ghoul

But fuck, this arc could have been FANTASTIC if it didn't bother with trying to keep this character redeemable. If it was about toxic family, cutting off people that hurt you and continue to hurt you, recognizing and challenging the deep assumptions that you end up believing as a result of loving someone like this, breaking cycles of abuse and accepting that some people don't change no matter how hard you try...

But YOU can.

But instead, it's just the same trend we see every time that a male character hurts someone for a self-absorbed reason.

Sandgorse was a hero, actually, and that's why you should remember him uncritically Talltail.

Stormtail just wasn't present, Bluefur, but that's no big deal since he's here for you now.

Ashfur just loved your mom too much, Jayfeather, so him trying to murder you wasn't Hell-worthy

Bramblestar was just worried about ThunderClan, Squirrelflight, and you shouldn't have spoken over him at that meeting

Clear Sky actually loved his Clan all along and everything was hard choices, for survival and because he was so afraid, so you have to accept his apology (even though he never actually changes.)

[theravenflies]

I love the Young Justice Barbara Gordon

[Plain text: I love the Young Justice Barbara Gordon.]

(Keep in mind that I am not paraplegic, just a nerd)

I was never the biggest fan of the original Killing Joke storyline (and I will fight people on this,) but I think Young Justice managed to turn it into a plot that wasn't actually bad. In fact, they did a lot of things really well.

The original storyline, The Killing Joke, gave Barbara Gordon waist-down paralysis after the Joker shot her. The problem with that is that he shot her in the stomach at an extremely close range, the muzzle of the gun literally pressed to the middle of her stomach. At that close a range, depending on the gun and bullet, he probably shattered half of her spinal cord, if not more. The thing about shatter injuries to the spinal cord is that they cause more complications in upper-body mobility than other spinal injuries. If a significant portion of her spinal cord was shattered, Barbara wouldn't be as good as she is at fighting. The damage would cause problems in the rest of her body. And then, of course, everyone is grieving for her and so sad that she'll never walk again and have to retire and I'm pretty sure Batman does something drastic? And that's... really not a plot non-disabled writers should go for.

However, in Young Justice, it's completely different. Barbara saw Cassandra Cain, who was unidentifiable but very small so obviously a young child, going after Joker with a sword, so she chose to get between the child and her target to prevent Cass from doing something that could never be taken back. She took the slash, which hit her lower back, just above her tailbone, so that it didn't go to Joker's neck. And the other characters handled it well. Nightwing was a bit panicked, of course, but that's because Barabara had a severe injury that was life-threatening. Batman, knowing that Nightwing had called for a medical evacuation and that he was handling first aid, took the sword from a terrified Cassandra ever so gently, and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. Cassandra was horrified, of course, but it was because she'd just hurt someone who wasn't her target severely, not because Barbara was now disabled. And then Barbara tells her that she didn't do it to save Joker, she did it to save Cass. And Cass is horrified and probably hates herself in the moment, sure, but that memory later becomes something that strengthens her. Cass gets kidnapped in that episode and remembering that during her captivity helps her. It's a memory of the woman who would later become her older sister and one of her best friends. She knows that Barbara, the woman who has done so much for her, will help her. She won't rest until Cassandra is safe, even if it means coming after her herself.

I also really like how the plot handled this. Number one, we don't know off the bat why Barb is paralyzed, it doesn't come up until it's relevant, she's just paralyzed. And when it does come up, it's not a tragedy, it's Barbara risking her life to save the soul of a child who didn't understand the moral consequences of what she was about to do. She chose to do that and she would do it again. That's a really interesting way of subverting the exhausted "disabled by an accident" trope, because yes, it was an accident on Cass's part, but Barbara knew she was probably going to get badly hurt. It's similar to a character running into a burning building to save someone else. They accept the potential consequences because they couldn't live with themselves if they didn't help. She took the risk, she knew what could happen, which is so much better than her having no choice and being shot. It's far less tired an idea and a very interesting spin that I quite like.

Going back to the injury, let's get in-depth about that. I mentioned how a shatter would impact her upper body, too. But the way she was injured in Young Justice, which was probably severing the connection between two very low vertebrae or possibly cutting a vertebra itself if Cass put enough force behind it, makes sense. It wouldn't have as much a major impact on her upper body, so it makes sense that she can throw the person who snuck up on her like it's easy. Barbara can be an excellent hand-to-hand fighter and it's not unexplainable. We don't see her exercising in her chair, likely because she has the wrong chair for both exercising and her disability (she has a hospital-type wheelchair instead of a lightweight chair, which is, I think, just poor research,) but she clearly still does because she's still extremely good.

Also, I like how there's no cure plot. The show might still be ongoing so I don't know if that'll last, but for now, she hasn't been cured and shows no desire to be. The comics would occasionally have her paralysis cured and thank the gods they didn't go with that, even with a character (we won't get into the absolute disaster of Violet Harper here) who could, in theory, heal her, and I love that. For some reason writers are afraid of keeping their disabled characters disabled, so I'm surprised and glad they didn't take the easy out.

Finally, I love that Oracle is still able to do field work with special equipment. Does she go onto the actual field herself? No, not really. But she uses small drones and other things to help out, such as the tiny drone that gave Cass a lock pick or her hacking into systems to protect her allies from security measures. Babs doesn't need to stop being a superhero because she's disabled but also doesn't suddenly use a mech or something, she just finds ways to work with her new circumstances to keep doing what she wants to do, just in a different way. She's still a massive threat to her enemies, just in a different way, utilizing talents she already had (Barbara is extremely intelligent and very creative) to continue to help people.

TL;DR, I really, really like how Young Justice handled Barbara Gordon. If we must have more characters disabled in accidents, this is a very good way to do that.

[hollowknightinsanity]

Safety (Hollow Knight AU oneshot)

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: Gen

Fandom: Hollow Knight (Video Games)

Relationships: The Hollow Knight | Pure Vessel/Original Character(s) (Implied), The Hollow Knight | Pure Vessel & Hornet, The Hollow Knight | Pure Vessel & The Pale King, The Hollow Knight | Pure Vessel & Original Character(s), The Hollow Knight | Pure Vessel & Quirrel

Characters: The Hollow Knight | Pure Vessel, The Pale King (Hollow Knight), Hornet (Hollow Knight), Quirrel (Hollow Knight) (mentioned), Original Character(s)

Additional Tags: They/Them Pronouns for The Hollow Knight | Pure Vessel, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Character Death, The Pale King is a good dad for once, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, The Hollow Knight | Pure Vessel is named Holly, and i gave them a fankid because i love being cringe

Words: 1,587

Summary: The Hollow Knight (Holly) and The Pale King have some father-child bonding time.

Notes: This oneshot happened when I decided that the maladaptive daydream I was having was too good to not share on the internet.

And also, this was partially inspired by the song Rain Clouds by The Arcadian Wild.

Thank the Goddesses for blorbo thoughts. That writer's block was getting unbearable.

AO3 Link:

Calm and quiet air nestled in the room. They’d just gotten home after sparring with their sister, as some simple training — they’d felt the need to work on their talent as a knight, though retired and disabled as they were.

It escalated a little too far, though, and Father stepped in to prevent them from getting injured further by their own recklessness.

Strange, that he’d do that. Normally, he would allow them to get hurt, and learn from their mistakes. They could heal themself easily enough.

But, times have changed — they’re older, weaker. Not what they used to be. They no longer produced Soul at a pace steady enough to heal properly. They hurt when they moved. They’re old. They’re disabled. They’re tired. They’re not what they used to be.

“Sit, child. Let me remove your prosthetic,” Father spoke, his tone calm as usual, though with a new touch of… kindness? Tenderness? They couldn’t place an exact label on it. But to them, it felt like how a father should speak to his child.

When did he begin treating me like his kin, and not simply a tool?

When did he begin caring?

Holly sat on the couch in their modest Dirtmouth home. Their knees were weak from straining during the spar. It felt nice to sit down and rest.

They shouldered their cloak out of the way, letting it drape over the back of the couch, and removed their top, allowing Father to properly detach their complex prosthetic arm. This process always hurt, but they were used to it by now.

The pain, at least, was bearable. On the other hand, they certainly did not enjoy nor care for the feeling of having things placed or removed from inside their body, and that is exactly what had to happen in order for the arm to be connected or removed.

Holly sought comfort in another physical interaction. They angled their head to call for Hornet, standing in the kitchen.

“Little Hornet? Could you bring Somber for me?” they requested, mock voice rasping and tired. Their Void was acting up, as it did not like being anywhere near Father, and they struggled to use it for their speech.

“Yeah, sure,” she called back, setting down whatever she was holding with a glassy clink.

“Thank you.”

Holly could hear her claws tapping on the floor as she walked to the bedroom. A few moments later, she returned with the squeaking infant in her arms, and gently handed them to their parent, then returned to the kitchen. The child’s squeaks quieted when they felt the presence of their mother, and they grasped at Holly’s chest with small, clawless hands.

“Yes, hello, little one,” they spoke, voice barely above a whisper, rubbing the back of Somber’s head with their thumb. They squeaked quietly in response, purring against their chest, snuggling into their swaddle. Holly purred as well, glad to be with their child once more.

Of course, it hadn’t been that long since they held them, but still. Too much time away from this fragile little thing, and they’d panic.

I suppose this is the life of a new parent, though. Especially one that struggles to understand that they’re even alive.

“I could make you a baby carrier, if you need one,” Father said, still working with the pale prosthetic.

“I’ll take you up on that offer. Thank you in advance, Father,” they returned, flinching when he removed one of the connecting wires from within their torso. “Heavens above, that still feels so strange…”

“I know, Holly. Just a few more, then you’ll be good to rest. Should only take about a minute.”

…

Such a kind response gets them thinking again.

…When did he become so… gentle? they wonder. Has he been like this my whole life? Or did he just start now?

…

When did he decide he wanted to be my father?

They flinch again as he removes another wire. He is still kind with how he handles them. He’s aware that their scars are sensitive, and he’s aware of how the wires cause them discomfort when being put in or taken out.

Why is he so kind now? Why does he no longer hurt me?

Does he fear it? Fear that he might hurt me again?

Is he afraid of hurting me?

They decide to ask.

“...Father?” “Yes?”

“...Why are you so gentle all of a sudden?”

The old King pauses, stilling his hands, processing their question. He looks towards their face. They do not look back at him.

“What do you mean?” he questions, not fully understanding.

“When I was younger, if I had this same prosthetic, you would’ve removed the wires as fast as possible and not cared if I flinched, if I showed signs of pain or discomfort. Why is it that now, you take care to not injure me?” They look down at their child, sleeping peacefully in their hold. The Wyrm blinks.

“...I certainly would not do that to you, even if it were with a younger you,” he answers, keeping his gaze directed at their head. “Not then, and especially not now. You’re older, and I know that even at a slow pace, placing and removing the wires still hurts. Those scars certainly don’t help in the matter.” Momentarily, he looks back down to their prosthetic arm, and the connections sunken into their body. Holly’s scars are still only partially healed, and that makes them very sensitive to physical stimuli. The Wyrm does not wish to inflict any more pain on the child he’d already hurt so much. It really seemed to him that they’d been through every terrible thing in the world, and none of the good.

He looks back up at their face, still turned away from his own. “You deserve better. I’ve already hurt you enough in the past. I promise you, I will never do such things again. You have my word, child.”

Finally, they look down towards their father, their one remaining eye expressing confusion, shock, and… relief. Their father’s expression tells them that he means it. They look away again, returning their gaze to their sleeping child.

Had they had the facial mechanisms to smile, they would have.

“Thank you. I really needed to hear that.”

“Of course, my child.”

They don’t speak another word to each other until the King finishes removing Holly’s prosthetic. They sigh and roll their shoulder, forming a tendril to reach up and massage where they were sore. “Thank you again, Father,” they say, voice quiet and gentle so as not to disturb the infant sleeping in their hold. The King nods.

“No problem. Anything else you need?” he asks, standing from the couch and stretching his arms, one pair reaching above his head and the other behind his back.

Holly moves, twisting their form to lay down on the cushions. “Could you put on a record for me?” they request, yawning at the end of their sentence. “The one with the sailing ship and waves, please.”

The Wyrm hums in affirmation, and walks over to the little desk holding the record player and steadily growing collection of vinyls. He kneels down to the shelf beneath the tabletop, shuffling through the various records in search of the one the tired Vessel had requested. Lifting it carefully and removing the disc from its casing, he places it atop the player and turns it on. Soft acoustic begins to emit from the speaker, and Holly settles into a comfortable position, wrapping themself in their cloak, using it as a blanket.

“Oh, one more thing, Father,” they say, looking at him with a tired eye.

“Hm?” “...Could I have a hug?”

He seems surprised by the request. They genuinely wish for my affection?

“Oh, goodness, of course!” he responds, walking over to their spot on the sofa, reaching down to wrap his arms around them. They gladly accept the gesture, and they begin to purr, moving their head to rest their jaw atop his shoulder, simulating a return as best they can, still using their only arm to hold Somber.

And they’re purring. They’re being held by their father, and they’re purring. They’re content in his hold.

The thought that they’re finally getting comfortable with his presence brings tears to his eyes, which he blinks back harshly, nuzzling his face into one of Holly’s horns.

The last time they requested his affection was when Quirrel passed. They were sobbing then. They were still afraid of him. Afraid that he might hurt them. That he might kill them, as they so believed he would decades ago. Now, though, they know he won’t do such things. They know that, for the most part, they’re safe.

He knows that they’re still instinctively wary of him, and that they will be for a long time, but at least they can take comfort in his touch now, instead of fearing for their very life whenever he so much as got close.

He’s glad that Holly no longer cries themself to sleep every night. They don’t need to be afraid anymore. They’re finally safe.

Hesitantly, he releases them from his grasp, standing up once again. “You get some rest, now, okay? You need it after that session,” he says, running his hand through their hair before turning away. “If you’d like, I could make you some tea.”

“Please do,” they respond, wrapping their cloak tighter around themself and their hatchling.

They’re glad that they’re safe again. They missed being at peace.

[goldeneyedgirl]

do you have any more of deaf mary-alice? I love this kind of concept. I read a while ago an one shot where jasper is blind and I adore when writers explore the idea of imperfect creatures that were suppose to be perfect

Hi Anon!

I just love the idea that 'perfection' is in the eye of the beholder and that Bella really can't see beyond this 'glamour'. And really, what is perfect anyway? I know SalmonCenter started a blind Jasper fic, but I don't know if it's been posted yet.

Anyway, I'm recovering from Covid and dug two very disjointed pieces out for you. One day I will figure out the plot for this, but that day isn't today.

The last week of school, Mary-Alice makes a break for it. He thinks it’s funny because the Cullens have made the mistake of treating Mary-Alice like a child. She’s slight, and she’s been so isolated for so long, it’s easy to mistake her wonder and delight for innocence or childishness. There’s no human reference point for any of these new experiences, and he thinks that the Cullens forget that. And Mary-Alice has been very tolerant of their … supervision thus far.

So the fact that she’s waited til now to escape Esme’s watchful eye was very diplomatic.

She’s sitting on the picnic tables outside the school; she’s managed to put together an outfit that doesn’t look too out of place - a long black skirt and tank top with one of his jackets over the entire ensemble. She’s even remembered shoes.

“Esme’s losing her mind,” Edward says, as soon as they spot her. “She shouldn’t have left without telling her.”

Jasper ignores him because Mary-Alice is beaming at him.

“So this is school?” She asks, crossing her legs as he joins her.

“This is the school,” he says, setting down his bag to absently kiss her on the forehead. “Second last day, and I never have to set foot in this place again.”

Mary-Alice makes a face before she leans up for a real kiss, playfulness and lust sparking through her. “I think it looks …” she begins, before Edward and Bella walk up, some of Bella’s human friends trailing after them, clearly curious about the girl in black.

“Hello Mary-Alice,” Edward says verbally, his hand clasped in Bella’s. It’s a slight against her, mostly likely from a combination of worrying Esme and showing up at the school. Mary-Alice’s response is in Spanish, pointedly, more amused by Edward than annoyed.

“This is Bella,” Jasper says, since Edward is clearly disinclined to make introductions. “And Bella’s friends.” He honestly hasn’t been paying close enough attention to them to know who is who, and he’s hoping that Bella will jump in.

But of course not. Forks High is not a school that has a noticeable population of disabled students - there are less than ten in the whole school, and more than half of those students have invisible disabilities. And none of them are Deaf, so Mary-Alice’s very polite greeting is left awkwardly hanging, Bella looking at Edward mildly alarmed.

“I don’t…” Bella begins and Jasper rolls his eyes.

“She said hello to you,” he says firmly. “Mary-Alice also lipreads.”

“Jasper can translate,” Edward adds unhelpfully and Mary-Alice gives him an unimpressed look.

“We’ll walk home,” Jasper says and Mary-Alice brightens. She’s still not entirely trusting of the cars, and has kept a wide berth between her and Rosalie’s garage. And he really loves how calm and happy she is in the forest.

//

Jane doesn’t discriminate when she hits them with her gift - Emmett’s knees buckle and his eyes widen as he chokes, and Rosalie’s terror and rage curdles around him, as she moves to try and… comfort? her husband. Bree is curled so tightly and panting that he’s surprised she hasn’t cracked a limb.

Jasper’s moving to help Rose with Emmett when he feels it. He feels it before he hears it, and it makes his blood run cold.

The cry she lets out is high and thin, and he hates that. He hates that the pain ripping through her body is so bad she cried out, her body almost locked into position. The panic swirling underneath the surface is too much, and grabbing a hold of her magnifies it so much.

He can hear himself yelling, clutching her tighter, and she’s making these terrible, gasping cries like she’s being suffocated, and he’s going to kill Jane, he’s going to break her into tiny little pieces and scatter them where no one can find them.

(It’ll haunt him, that moment with Jane. Even moreso later, when they are tucked up in his study and she buries her face in his chest and tells him she wants to go home. It feels like failure when she says that.)

[theoutgriber]

Abbott Elementary 2.14 "Valentine's Day" Thoughts (semi-inspired by @cdyssey's post)

Janine: "It's like, I don't remember what happened on the last season of Stranger Things--that was ten years ago." Burn.

It's interesting to me that Janine's projecting all this neediness from her sister ("I'm not your therapist"). Makes me think about how sometimes, when people have had their boundaries chronically ignored in one area of life, they may misattribute the source of their exhaustion to something or someone else.

That crossing guard is so beautiful, tbh.

Love Barbara and Melissa's different face reactions to Jacob's overshare about his relaysh.

I don't know how Melissa could afford Barclay Prime, but I want some steak and pearls. :P

Ava putting her picture with Iggy down (and then back up when Tristan says "I'm here to complain")

Tbh, I've heard people make that "underpaying a white teacher to teach Black history is almost reparation" argument unironically in real life.

So glad they snuck in some history discussion about MLK and Malcolm X (and it makes me think Jacob has grown as a teacher).

I like how Barbara is the one making the V-Day dinner reservations (breaking stereotypes and sharing emotional labor in the relationship).

"When I called him on it and said 'Do you have feelings for Janine?' he like, didn't answer!" - Shipper mood

"Like an anti-racist Icarus" #CRT

Barb: "Although I think workplace romances are a terrible idea..." This would be a great launch point for a "Do as I say, not as I do (or do as I do anyway because I ship it)" fic.

"Sweetheart, it is possible to like two people at the same time." This is true and important. It doesn't necessarily mean Barb thinks one should pursue romantic relationships with multiple people, but this is a fact that I actually think younger generations understand less well than older generations. And I appreciate the Abbott writers' exploding the dichotomy!

I just enjoy the comedic set-up of Ava sitting down at Zach and Jacob's Valentine's Day lunch table.

I would think that Lego bouquet is so cool. I agree with Janine.

I thought that the surprise was going to be Zach proposing to Jacob, but Ava's announcement works too. :,)

Ava is an autodidact!

Maurice noticing and complimenting the gel-x <3

I'm not sure Gregory knows what a Telfar bag is either, tbh.

Janine says "I love it" about the bag in the same way she said "I love it" about a broken printer. Oof.

Shoutout to Spirit Airlines XD

"You're welcome to join us." Other people have this covered, but WHAT?

Barb at least had a sense that Gary was going to do something for Valentine's.

I wonder whether Melissa's learning disability affected her initial reading of "I (heart) U" and made her think "IOU." Kind of interesting that she didn't assume that it was about Gary's love through context, however.

Barb says "I love you" with such tenderness. Also, what is with her microexpressions?? I think she might be saying "Girl, come on" when Melissa's slow on the uptake, but I'm also seeing something complex and perhaps...melancholy there.

New relationship energy amplifies everything. Melissa has stability and comfort with Barbara, at least in a platonic sense, that she doesn't have with Gary yet.

That was a fun and 'inspiring' episode.

[thatonebirdwrites]

Thoughts about fandoms and Writing

I suppose this will be a ramble of sorts. I wanted to talk about a sad thing I noticed but also a good thing I noticed about fandoms. This is a ramble, and I hope it all connects into a coherent whole by the end.

I'll start with the question I leave at the end. The question that my writing silently asks all readers:

"Here is a story of a human being that may be different from you, so will you join me at this campfire and hear their tale? To join them on this great journey of wonder, pain, joy, sorrow, and hope?"

One of the things that drew me to various fandoms, and my current one was a sense of connection. A sense of community, but I've also learned that despite this strength, there is an underlying undercurrent of who is allowed to exist in that community.

Part of writing fanfiction is because we want to see more of our beloved characters. To dig deeper into them, to fulfill this need for connection.

Because that's the crux of most things about us human beings, right? We are social beings that live best when we have connections with other human beings. None of us can live in a perfect isolation with no contact with anyone else ever (in fact studies show this is very, very, very bad for our health and can slowly kill us).

Yet, as a disabled person, I find myself stuck in this weird liminal space of seeking connection but sometimes finding instead reminders of how conditional my existence in the space truly is.

I notice that the stories willing to push the envelope a little, to explore what it'd be like if one of our beloved characters was disabled, often get far more harsh comments and far less support.

I've sat back and observed, and the more I interact with fandoms, the more I wonder if there is room for people like me.

I've seen some pushback in various fandoms -- even TLOK -- against people who want to explore our beloved characters in settings that allow for a more diverse intersection of identities. That tackle themes related to disability, gender identity, race, and so forth. To tackle more nuanced Leftist thought (that isn't displayed like a bad thing which TLOK sadly does at times).

This saddens me because that sort of pushback breaks the connection and community of fandoms in a way.

The whole reason I'm writing fanfiction is because I couldn't quite find the story I wanted to read. There's a lot of flaws in Legend of Korra, and I wanted to tackle the stories inherent in it from a different angle. To explore themes left unexplored. But also to show the shared moments Korra and Asami have. (They are legit my favorite couple of all time).

But I just don't feel very comfortable writing smut. I never have, so I'm already an outlier in the fanfiction writer community.

But I've realized of late that I also because an outlier with how I explore disability in my fanfiction.

Honestly Book 3 of TLOK sets the disability theme up, and although it does an excellent job with the PTSD arc, the way the temporary physical disability was handled during Korra's long healing left me quite frustrated because it utilized verbiage that's often used to demonize or deny disabled people support. No, it's not all in Korra's head (we find out later, that she really did still have poison in her, so Korra was right THE WHOLE TIME). No, it's not a mind over matter (this is the most unhelpful thing to say to a disabled person, seriously). No physical therapy can't cure all things. *sighs* I wanted more nuance there, and since it failed to deliver, I decided to write my own.

I also wanted to dig deep into Asami's story too because sadly enough TLOK doesn't give her the attention her and her trauma deserves.

So I have two separate series. One canon-compliant to explore the ramifications of that.

One an AU where Korra and Asami are romantically together by middle of Book 2, where they must navigate Book 3 and the trauma of that together. How do they do it? Can they do it? What sort of disability will they face and how will they deal with that?

I recognize what I write is not what most folks want from the fandom, and I feel like sometimes there is this unspoken undercurrent in the fandom to not really dig into the disability themes inherent in TLOK.

I think this is why commenters literally had a fight in the comments of my Shared Moments: Book 3. I had taken the disability theme in Book 3 (and 4) and made it highly visible. I had foreshadowed this quite thoroughly in all honesty.

I had made it clear from the start of the series that I promised to be realistic about trauma, about physical injuries, and about healing. Sure, I took some liberties in fight scenes to play up some interesting martial art moves that actually exist, but there's always ramifications and consequences.

I think in a way the fight that happened in my Book 3 (at the final confrontation with Zaheer's group) exemplifies the hidden current of ableism within the fandom.

Asami had barely escaped the lavabender and had a fourth-degree burn on the sole of her right foot. Those are when the burn destroys the nerves and can go as deep as the bone. They are quick to become infected if not treated right away, and in Asami's case, there was no way for it to be treated until after the airbenders are rescued. TLOK is set in a technological and medical period similar to 1940s, so the typical solution in that time period is amputation.

I'd carefully laid out details like crumbs for readers to find that heavily hints that this could be one of the possible outcomes.

Nothing about it was surprising.

And yet, two commenters were angry that one of the characters would end up permanently disabled. They utilized a harmful ableist trope, ignored the story up to that point, and demanded I alter the story because they deemed Asami's injury "unnecessary for the narration" and "too much."

Truth is, as much as I tried not to let it hurt me, it did.

Why? Because I'm disabled. I've had injuries due to circumstances where I didn't receive the healthcare I needed in time to prevent the injury and illness from worsening. I've been in Asami and Korra's shoes in a way.

Being told that a story that mirrored my own, that mirrored the lives of so many disabled people is "too much" and "unnecessary for narration" is a vivid reminder of how deep ableism has fallen into the psyche of our society.

Most folks wouldn't consider that ableist, and yet, if the same words were said about queer identities? If someone said that Korra and Asami being bisexual is "unnecessary for the narration" or "too much" there would be riots in the TLOK fandom. (In fact, I sometimes still witness some between Makorra shippers versus Korrasami shippers, where it doesn't seem to matter that Korrasami is canon to the Makorra folks, they get incensed and fall back on biphobic language. Only to be rightly called out for the harm of it.)

So why aren't we standing up for disabled people?

The Legend of Korra is a survivor story. It's a disability story. Complex-PTSD that Korra has is a disability. Acute-PTSD, which is likely what Asami has, is also a disability.

Disability is not bad. It is not evil. It's not too much.

Disability is beautiful. It should be normalized as just part of who a person is. We, disabled people, can do great things despite our disability.

And yet, those commenters couldn't see that.

All they could see was their beloved character would be permanently disabled. Their unconscious bias reared its head, and they lashed out in a way that hurt. (And also angered several other commenters who kindly called them out).

They were angry at being forced to confront the fact that their beloved character was now in the category of "disabled." It required them to relate -- to connect -- to a disabled person as a human being.

That's the moment of truth isn't it?

When someone is forced to relate to another person as a human being worthy of respect and dignity, that is when we discover the true character of a person I think.

Disabled people like myself are often treated like we are sub-human. Like we don't matter, like it'd be better if we ceased to exist. (I can give dozens of examples, but I think how the pandemic is currently being handled is a blatant look at how ableism is structured in our society and how much it harms all of us.)

Society saturates our media with messages of how disabled people are less than, sub-human, unworthy of life, unworthy of being allowd to even participate in society. Often the only way we are allowed to exist at all is if we are displayed as an "inspiration," something for which abled-bodied people to oogle and feel good about themselves for "helping" us "get over" or "cure" our disability, as if our disability is a problem to be solved rather than something that can be both painful but also beautiful. (I often try to see the beauty in my ADHD, my APD, my autoimmune illness. And yes, for LongCovid in particular, I may wish for a cure for my LongCovid, but I can also recognize the beauty within my illness - I see the world differently and that lens allows me to connect in new ways and to show more kindness and love in different ways. That too is beauty).

The harmful messages about disabled people are everywhere, and we often unconsciously absorb them.

I try to do my best to respond with kindness. To even try to educate when I can, but I also have to have a firm boundary because I'm a human being.

I don't have enough energy to tackle educating people about this AND doing what I need to survive.

And for me, writing is survival.

I think the reason it hurt to see ableism at play in the fandom was because I had been thinking maybe I might actually belong to a group for once. That maybe I would be treated as a human being, who has a talent for something.

But seeing the words "too much" and "unnecessary for narration" in the comments, brought out not only my insecurities, but a reminder of just how fucking hard it is to write diverse characters.

I've never written fanfiction before 2021.

I'm a science fiction (and sometimes fantasy) author, though at the moment it's only short stories that have been published.

Do you know how many times I've heard those harmful phrases said while I trying to get my original stories published?

Editors would tell me:

"Your character being nonbinary is unnecessary for the narration." Or "It's too much to have a nonbinary character. You should just choose a gender and we'll consider it."

OR

"Why is this character disabled? It seems unnecessary for the narration. Just eliminate them and rewrite it."

It didn't matter that the disability was crucial to the character and her understanding of the world and how she navigated it. (Or that she was literally the protagonist.)

It didn't matter that the nonbinary person's identity was crucial to their character, their understanding of the world, and how others related to them.

It didn't matter even if it was crucial to the plot.

All that mattered was that the editors were uncomfortable with characters that didn't match the ideal human they decided was the only allowed protagonist.

In a way, they were saying that people like me didn't deserve to have our stories told. To be recognized and seen as protagonists, as human beings to which readers could connect.

Is fandom any different?

Maybe there are readers who enjoy what I write, but sometimes I see so much of the content of fandom, and this intense demand for an ideal form of human, and I don't see myself.

I don't see myself and those like me being accepted as we are. Where we are worthy of connection too.

So I create that representation; I carefully weave a story so everything is set up, foreshadowed, makes sense in the characterization and narration, and I come face to face with the blatant ableism, blatant transphobia, and sometimes even blatant biphobia.

And it's a reminder that even while I try to find comfort and solace and a safe place to recover from my own illness and from the world at large...

... in the end, it's hard to feel like there will ever be acceptance. It's hard to feel like the fandom is willing to treat people like me as a human worthy of respect and dignity.

Because that's the thing, isn't it?

When people see me in my wheelchair, they don't see a person. They see a thing. A sub-human to be pitied. I get touched in ways that would never happen if I was abled-bodied. My wheelchair gets moved in ways that would never happen if I was abled-bodied (that wheelchair is an extension of my body and touching it without my consent is touching me without consent). I get sneers sometimes. I get people staring at me like I'm some carnival show.

It's tiresome. It's hurtful. It isolates.

To have a beloved character end up in a wheelchair, or end up with a prosthetic?

People are forced to face their own ableism. They are forced to see the ugliness they display toward me and those like me. Because now their beloved character is one of my people.

And the anger that is hurled at me for doing this is honestly ridiculous. Exhausting too.

People don't like being uncomfortable, but we cannot grow if we're not uncomfortable. We cannot become better than we were unless we confront the things that break our ability to connect.

i write because I want people to connect. I want people to understand ways of being that is unlike their own, and to come to understand that we are all human beings. We all are worthy and deserving of respect and dignity. We all deserve to be seen and accepted where we are.

Those are the stories I love the most. The ones that build up and not tear down.

And perhaps that is why I will never truly fit in. Because I refuse to sit down and make myself small enough to fit in. Because I prefer to dig into the reality of our differences and how those differences are actually our similarities and our biggest strengths.

It is our diversity that is our strength. It's also how we connect, how we find our similarities, because even in our beautiful galaxy of identities, we all have similar human needs and qualities that shine through.

We are all made of stardust. We are all social beings. We all strive for some level of connection, and although the layers of that may differ for each of us, that human need to connect cannot be truly erased or ignored.

I'll end where I began, with the great question my writings always silently ask readers:

"Here is a story of a human being that may be different from you, so will you join me at this campfire and hear their tale? To join them on this great journey of wonder, pain, joy, sorrow, and hope?"

And honestly, that's why I write.

[that-disabled-princess]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks @bazzybelle for the tag!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Currently, eighty-three! There are a couple more I've orphaned, though.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

83,430. Damn, seeing a big number and my name in the same sentence is weird xD

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The Dragon Prince, Carry On, and Nimona! I've also written for Starkid and She-Ra in the past.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The top three are Nimona haha. I jumped on the Nimona train pretty early, so I'm not surprised.

These scars that never fade [Nimona, G, 300] - 320 kudos

Bad Days [Nimona, T, 500] - 295 kudos

A Second Chance [Nimona, T, 1.6k] - 235 kudos

Kiss It Better [Carry On, T, 2.1k] - 186 kudos

Sexualities and Crises [Carry On, T, 1.5k] - 181 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! I love interacting with my readers, especially because a good majority of them are also friends and people I've talked to before.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Ohoho, so I have been Living It Up in angst land over here! The first one that popped into my mind was a personal fic, so here's another very angsty hurt no comfort:

Lavender hearts [Carry On, M, 3.4k]

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I joked with @that-one-dingus last night that I write three kinds of fics: stupidly cute, horrifically angsty, and amazingly chaotic. In other words, I have posted lots of stupidly cute fics! 😂 This is one of my favorites with a happy/hopeful ending!

Hurting, Healing (Loving, Forgiving) [The Dragon Prince, T, 2.1k]

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yuuup. I've gotten quite a bit of arophobia on my aro Baz fic. (I believe this is when I turned off guest commenting.) I've absolutely loved stepping into writing for The Dragon Prince because people took one look at this baby aplatonic writing aplatonic Ethari and jumped right on the train. I adore y'all <3

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes! I'll write almost anything as long as it's safe, sane, and consensual. My favorite kinds of smut to write is anything using non-human parts--which is basically all my snowbaz and ruthari smut! I love getting to use the wings and tail and horns.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not yet, but I do have one in the works... and I'd say it's pretty chaotic. Lamb (Simon Snow)/Aaravos (The Dragon Prince) smutfic. The most top4top struggle to ever top4top struggle.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

...does translating my own fic count? I translated Worst seats known to musician-kind into Spanish!

Other than that, no.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope. I don't really want to, honestly. Knowing me, it won't be a good idea unless I trust the person I'm writing with really well.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Well okay then, this question went for the throat. Snowbaz is great and all, but ruthari... I adore ruthari. They're murder husbands and fantastic parents. I just... adore them. *holds gently*

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My disabled Baz fic. The passive--and explicit--ableism in these books is... certainly something. I really want to write a fic where Baz is disabled and has chronic leg pain, but it's just too personal. I don't know if I can continue.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I write short fics really well! I've been told I can hit people right in the feels in just a couple hundred words. I'm also good at flow and poetry-like writing.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Writing longfics, I guess. My writing is an escape, so I don't tend to look at weaknesses a lot.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Sure! I love reading it when authors write other languages into their fics.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter, I think.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Mmm how about one from each fandom I'm active in? I love my writing, and rules are more like guidelines anyway.

Hurting, Healing (Loving, Forgiving) [The Dragon Prince, T, 2.1k] - Hurt/comfort, so much communication, aplatonic Ethari, and disabled Runaan! This one was supposed to be something much shorter and fluffier, but it turned into a longer fic with more feels. (Who gave you permission to have feelings, Runaan?) But that's fine because it was so much fun to write!

Mark of the Beast [Carry On, E, 1.5k] - Speaking of monsterfucking... I am so fucking proud of this lambden fic. It was sooo much fun to write.

Wave your flag high [Nimona, G, 300] - Supportive Ambrosius! Goldenheart doing menial household chores together! Bal gets a disability pride flag! This is one of my favorite things I've ever written. What I wouldn't give for my own disability pride flag...

Tagging @iamamythologicalcreature @hoothalcyon @legend-of-the-fandoms @youarenevertooold @stitchyqueer @cutestkilla @artsyunderstudy @yeonjunenby 💖💖

[kitkatopinions]

Seeing people talk about how Neo getting sympathetic framing fits into the pattern of women characters being infantilized, and while I don't disagree with that - Neo getting any sympathetic framing at all causes her to be part of that pattern - I just feel like honestly... Neo's ending was so bad and uncomfortable and specifically bad for her as a disabled character, and I feel like that should also be talked about.

I'll talk about the ways in which her end for me was horrible below the keep reading because it will have discussions of suicide.

A disabled woman character who has lacked in development and who has yet to get any proper focus was put into the supposedly character development volume where she was set up to be the main villain... And then after giving her 1 (one) scene that didn't even feel like it was about her (evidenced by some of the Neo-clones being people she couldn't know were relevant to Ruby, them knowing things Neo couldn't know, and all of them being dead except Neo didn't even know Penny was dead) Neo was shoved to the side completely to make room for a one-season-only villain.

Neo is a disabled woman character that had her body completely taken over and forcibly puppeteered without her consent (remember, this was evil when it happened to Penny? Everyone was rightfully uncomfortable when it happened to Penny.)

Neo is a disabled mute character whp had their body taken over and the thing taking over them TALKED WITH HER MOUTH, and this becomes much more uncomfortable with the reports I've heard that in the book Roman Holiday, Neo dislikes using 'talk to speech' features because the voice doesn't feel like her.

Also, Neo is an abuse victim character too in the novels, who had very controlling parents who tried to stifle who she was including forcing her to wear eye contacts to disguise her heterochromia and trying to get her to talk despite her being mute, so it's also uncomfortable that she lost all control over her own body and identity to the Cat because of this fact.

She then could only expel the Cat by feeling emotional pain, implied to be so bad that it was torturous to the Cat, and she actually didn't receive any comfort before choosing to COMMIT SUICIDE which is FAR from a happy ending - and before anyone says that Ruby is hopeful 'she'll find her way,' unlike Ruby, Neo doesn't have the protagonist armor guaranteeing she won't completely remove 'Neopolitan' from existence, which is a high possibility considering that the writers literally wrote her to become 'empty' outside of a revenge goal. Whether or not we were meant to take Neo's suicide as a 'real' suicide because of the framing of the Tree and Ruby's own ascension as just taking medicine and whether or not Ruby randomly assumes that Neo will come back 'as herself' in some form instead of oh I don't know sacrificing herself to bring back Roman the same way it was heavily implied that Ruby could have just become Summer since Summer's memories were somehow able to be accessed by the Tee.... It still is heavily coded as suicide, Neo essentially committed suicide, and now there's a very high chance we'll never see her again!

Like, I'm sorry, I find this all very uncomfortable. How was I meant to feel anything good about a fan favorite character getting shafted, a woman getting her body violated and controlled, an abuse victim having her identity stripped away (however temporarily,) a disabled mute character having something force her body to speak using their words through her mouth, and having her go through hell with some of the most visually disturbing animation so far only to then probably 'close out' her story by having her essentially decide to kill herself.... With just a vague line about how 'she'll find her way someday' despite the fact that the show literally told us Neo has nothing to live for anymore? I understand that Neo did horrible things and therefore not everyone wants to sympathize with her, but at some point, when does it become a problem that so many villains are disabled and/or abuse victims who go through hell and 'snap?'

Even if Neo wasn't one of my favorites, this would be very uncomfortable and make me unhappy, case in point, Cinder and Adam who are too characters I hate but I can never feel comfortable about that because how am I supposed to be comfortable with their ends? No, none of these characters 'deserve' sympathy or redemption, and they might 'deserve' bad things to happen to them, but at the end of the day, I feel like the writers making so many of their villain characters abuse victims and/or disabled people and/or in-universe minorities horrible people so that they can give them gruesome horrible endings isn't a good outcome! Maybe Neo gets undo sympathy and yes, it's frustrating that she gets undo sympathy whereas characters like Ironwood and Adam get none, but at the same time, Neo's end is wildly bad and uncomfortable to me, and I would've actually been even more upset if she'd just died with no ounce of sympathetic framing at all.

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

Longass Crop Circles Notes (for Lately, I've Been Thinking and I Don't Think I've Changed Chapter One

Finally delivered to @spicymiilk our king. My apologies that these longass notes are not as detailed as last time. I shall endeavor to get more detailed as I read more of the fic. I will post my rage thoughts on chapter eight of for the nights and days of life by @mochalottie tomorrow though, and that shit will be novel length. Anyways:

Lately, I've Been Thinking:

-Me when Andrei says Spider will have a bad time: but does he ever have a good time for you??

-NORM CONTENT. *airhorn blares*

-I gotta love the tragic Shameless vibes you bring into my Spider fics, man. 

-Retweet, Spider, we all hate men. We are all scared of men. 

-Rip Paz, the fandom tries to tell me you weren’t a bitch but I don’t buy it. You totally were. Justice for Trudy, who was way cooler.

-Wait, did Spider do drugs too? The needles are around his bed? Or did he steal his moms bed?

-Lol, Paz is in and out, there is SO MUCH Shameless in this story. You can't hide from me, bastard.

-YESS, THE FAST FOOD AU. 

-Also, Andrei, what is it about beating the natural joy and zest for life out of Spider that gets u off?

-Neteyam will lOVE fixing this guy tho. Spider is his wet dream at this point. 

-I actually know a kid in my grade who was placed with one of my family friends when he was seventeen, he is fantastic. He’s the oldest of like, seven kids and the littlest ones go to the elementary school I work at now. My mom works there too and she always says you can tell when this kid is home because the little ones are showered and on time, and he takes them to get haircuts and stuff. He used to walk 45 minutes to work every day. He’s a great guy but he doesn’t stay. He doesn’t let them drag him down. :/

-Spider, on the brink of death, unloved and abused and neglected, dirty and with one single tangle of hair: hi

Neteyam: that is my soulmate. 

I Don't Think I've Changed Chapter One:

-WHATS YOUR DAMAGE THE FIC? That’s the one line I quote more from any other type of media. Every day I go “WHAT IS YOUR CHILDHOOD TRAUMA??” 

-N E T E Y A M VS SELF ESTEEM. MAN MANAGES TO HATE HIMSELF EVEN IN THE FACE OF SPIDER. 

-Also the fear I felt when I saw Miles and Norm are best friends actually, I’m comforting myself like “no no, he meant Spider it’s okay.”

-The hilarity of getting rid of Lo’ak and Kiri who are the canonically closest to Spider and leaving us with Tuk and Neteyam and Jeytiri. That excited me lITERALLY SO MUCH. The fast food au did start with only Tuk and Neteyam, and that’s juicy. We are forced to develop and explore relationships that are underdeveloped in canon and are harder to justify as instant sparks. You took away his natural in canon support systems so he has to learn to develop even faster with the other Sully's and that is a banger idea.

-W H E E L C H A I R J A K E. God I love wheelchair Jake aus, I love making them positive because I don’t like the way the first movie just fixed his disability. Give me Jake Sully being a positive disabled male father figure in his kids lives, just as present and happy and in love with his wife while paralyzed then he would be with mobility. What creative stuff has changed in their lives to accomidate? I need to know.

-Delighted by this Neytiri pov, my god. I feel like less people than I need in my life just let Neytiri have no bad blood at all with Spider in modern aus. She would be all over a neglected child.

-GET THE STICKY TOYS, thats so cute. And useful, I need him to get the magnets some kids got stuck to the ceiling in the gym at my work.

-Tuk is already bullying Neteyam about liking Spider and he isn’t even there yet. I’m lOVING the little bits of the fast food au I spot. She is going to be a menace. And clearly Neteyam is a lovesick clown.

-He is indeed about to get the shit loved out of him, and that is what every Spider Sully writer says before writing their fic. 

-WHAT DID THE MCCOSKERS DO SPIDER, NORM SHOULD KNOW, THEN HE WON’T PLACE OTHER KIDS WITH THEM BUDDY.

-Love the descriptions of how Spider feels when Norm’s body relaxes, just noting the way he backs off. So specific and accurate to any abused child. That tension and hypersensitivity to anyone's emotions, even people you implicitly trust, like never goes away.

-Norm thinking someone didn’t let Spider pee in the bathroom is so tragic and funny I feel bad for laughing. 

-Spider: heart palpitations upon seeing Neteyam

Spider: NORM YOU DIDN’T TELL ME YOU WERE WINGMANNING ME?

I am picturing Norm and Tuk in the back of a Burger King setting up an elaborate plan while Neteyam sighs and watches Spider from a booth while writing Neteyam Socorro on all of his notebooks.

-i am cACKLING. You’ve never seen rizz as strong or as intense as “MILES??” and “WHOS THAT? WHAT’S SCHOOL, I DON’T KNWO WHAT THAT IS?” Their dumb clown asses belong together.

-In all seriousness though, I can't imagine how humiliating it would feel to Spider to know some random acquaintance at school was now privy to all your personal problems and business.

-I want to know how often Neteyam frequents the local Burger King. He's probably so embarrassed at how ready he was to big brother this kid. He's gonna be like "looking hot today, uh, I mean, did you need help with your homework champ???"

-This is now like To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before, Neteyam can call Kiri and Lo’ak on the phone and gossip about boy problems

-JAKE INTRODUCING HIMSELF AS A MILITARY MAN TO EVERY CHILD THAT GETS BROUGHT INTO THEIR HOUSE, NO ONE VETOED THAT SHIT?? Kiri hasn't been like "sTOP TELLING EVERYONE YOU LOVE THE MILITARY, YOU ARE EMBARASSING US."

-Also wow does Norm not know Spider’s dad was former military and he way not vibe with that at all?

-The way that Neteyam is still stalking Spider at McDonalds Or Burger King we can’t be sure. The mention of both places has sent me to space because it makes it seem like Spider used to work at McDonalds and then switched to Burger King and deeply obsessed stalker Neteyam Sully switched establishments to frequent.

-Spider’s fear of Tuk is hilarious and deeply sad, that is your bestie. 

-I LOVE love the idea of Kiri and Neteyam watching video essays. I love video essays, I wish my brothers did gOD. Also love a late night owl Neteyam head canon.

-Spider really is a wet rat. Have you ever actually seen a wet rat? The saying is so accurate. Kid was fed properly for the first time in years and then it killed him. Love kills Spider at first, as we have learned from all Spider Sully fics. He's like a dog eating chocolate, it's good, but at what cost.

[wthoutfear]

WTHOUTFEAR is an independent, private & selective self-canon female daredevil variant, aka Mattie Murdock.

written by EMILY (22. she/her. BST. lesbian)

this blog contains explorations of: disability, justice, gender, violence, sexuality, catholicism, depression & vigilantism.

I will not interact with anyone under the age of 18 and I do not write sexual content.

psd credit.

DISCLAIMER. If you don't like the concept of genderbent muses, this blog is not for you. Please be respectful of me and my choices. As a lesbian who cares deeply for Daredevil comics, the Daredevil tv show & the character of Matt Murdock, I wanted the freedom to explore elements of this character through this specific lens. Also, I think it's always worth mentioning when it comes down to something like this: this blog is absolutely trans and non-binary inclusive. No matter whether you're a trans writer or you write a character who is trans, I am going to accept and support you/the character you write.

CANON. In terms of the multiverse, Mattie is from Earth-65151, which I made up. When we work on threads, we can either write within our own canon or write a direct crossover. Also, if you're interested in developing your own Earth-65151 muse or verse, I would love to help with that. I’m totally duplicate friendly, too.

WRITING STYLE. If you can't tell, I'm naturally very descriptive. I tend to write multi-para, in third-person present tense. Also, as Mattie is blind, I tend not to use visual-based descriptors in my writing for her, unless it's something she's aware of or can deduce with her radar sense. I also prefer not to interact with accounts that use messletters fonts.

ACTIVITY. My activity can be incredibly spotty, so you may have to bear with me at times. I never expect fast replies from the people I write with. Writing, to me, is very much built on mutual respect.

TRIGGERS. I currently have no triggers but I will tag common triggers as "tw trigger" as well as anything I know may trigger my followers.

SHIPPING. Mattie is a lesbian. I will not write romantic relationships with any male muses as I am not interested in "turning queer fanon ships straight." I adore writing platonic dynamics and much prefer to focus on those where I can. While I tend not to have "exclusives" because I never mind my partners writing with people who write the same muses as me, I am more than happy to be exclusive on your behalf if you ask. For now, I don't feel comfortable writing with anyone who writes Elektra Natchios. I ADORE Elektra, but because my incredible girlfriend is an Elektra writer, I want to be exclusive to her.

VERSES. I am currently working on a carrd for Mattie, which will explain her history, though currently, she's at the beginning of her Daredevil career and her legal career. I am also very interested in developing AU verses for Mattie based on other comics or crossover material, if there's anything you'd be interested in writing with me.

[trillscienceofficer]

do you have a favourite species design/lore headcanon, something you wish you could see on screen/had been explored more? (worflesbian asking from main 💖)

another very interesting question! I admit I don't have quite the same penchant for worldbuilding that I admire in so many other Trekkies; I'm always thinking 'well I wouldn't want this species to be a monoculture, canon basically never question that assumption and it's boring', but then my pea-sized brain completely seizes up at the prospect of having to come up with an entire world history in order to explain why Trill fashion on DS9 seems to favor square necklines and long tunics heavily, especially for men. But again I digress! (And also, apologies, this got long.)

Of course my first answer is always going to be that I wanted anything about Trill and the joining to be less hand-waved as space magic on an episode by episode basis and more planned out, but even more than that I just would've loved to learn more about Trill as a planet (we don't even know for sure that it is in the Federation at all on TNG/DS9, though it's likely at least Federation-aligned). And I especially would've loved to hear both Jadzia's and Ezri's opinions about anything concerning the Trill homeworld and/or the Symbiosis Commission because I actually think their perspectives would've been pretty unique (and uniquely informed) on the subject.

As I mentioned in the previous ask, Jadzia's reticence in speaking about her family or Trill in general speak volumes to me, and imho indicates that she has a lot mixed feelings about the planet she's from. This also fits well with my idea that, no matter how 'revered' the symbionts are, joined Trills don't really have that much power on Trill and they kind of live at the margins of Trill society, comfortably but still under So Many rules designed to keep them apart from everyone else and especially other joined Trills. I think Jadzia may have realized that that was the case pretty early on, and perhaps found it difficult to articulate that realization to her family or any other Trill that doesn't share her perspective (you can see this a little in the way she and Lenara interact on “Rejoined”, too). And this is not even considering the way the Symbiosis Commission was ready to let her die in order to cover up past mistakes. I really would have loved to see Jadzia being somewhat forced to admit just how horrible that was and how little faith she must have left in the institution that should have cared about her joined existence first.

I think Ezri also would have interesting things to say, as someone who was an 'outsider' to Trill tradition even before becoming Ezri Dax. That plus her penchant for cutting precisely at the heart of the matter (again, that scene with Worf about the Klingon Empire!) I think she would have insightful things to say about Symbiosis Commission politics in general, not having the same stake in maintaining a facade of respect that someone like Jadzia, even as irreverent as she was, still might have had. I'm really very sorry that DS9 didn't bring this side of Ezri more to the fore wrt Trill.

As a last note, given discussions I've been having recently (plus your fic made me think about this even more!), I really wish Voyager had made it clearer that long-term Borg assimilation can't be so easily reversed, and that Seven's implants are prosthetics and treated them as such, rather than little more than aesthetic hints. Of course making them look like actual prosthetics rather than decoration would've been a start, and many artists and writers have done so luckily! But even more than that I would've loved if they'd been more consistently depicted as something that Seven uses because the process of Borg assimilation made her physically disabled. You could argue she already is in canon (the way she has to spend hours in an alcove to 'regenerate' means she is dependent on a machine in order to live), but of course Voyager falls into the trap of making her implants a superpower, which... eh. Of course her implants give Seven a lot of trouble too (her cortical node stopped working and almost killed her, not to mention the time that an interference from a Borg vinculum gave her the Borg equivalent of psychosis) but I really would have loved to see her less as a metaphor for and more as actual disability representation. Imho xB characters in general really skirt the line between metaphor and actual disability, and I wish that had been explored better and with more nuance, especially where Seven is concerned.

[cherrybombfangirlwrites]

Screwdrivers and Cybernetic Green

Alright, finally posting a snippet for The City is Ours, yay! This is mainly character exploration for Chase, with a little bit of dynamic exploration between him and Kylee + a little bit of the rest of the team, and exploring his backstory and mental health issues. Holy shit this one got long 😅. Anyways, have Chase sad boy hours featuring the rest of the team, mainly Kylee. This takes place somewhere in Book 3 of the series, possibly late Book 2.

Word Count: 2136

Content Warnings: THIS ONE IS VERY HEAVY, PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS- discussions of poor mental health/struggles with mental health (specifically reguarding bipolar disorder, manic and depressive episodes, medications mentioned, major struggles with depression, and other struggles that accompany bipolar disorder) mentions/implications of violent ableism and police brutality towards mentally disabled people of color, mentions of mental hospitals and the abuse of patients there, mentions/implications of violent parental abuse and escaping/still being in danger of said abuse, a fuck ton of mental health issues/struggles in general, lots of feels and angst with a healthy dose of comfort, Jason is a piece of shit and we hate him, also lots of strong cussing because Chase loves his curse words

Note: This is my first time writing Bipolar Disorder, and I intended for Chase to have Bipolar 2 specifically. I did a lot of research before writing this, both educational and the personal experiences of real people with bipolar disorder, but I am no expert. I would really like the representation I write about groups I am not a part of to be as accurate as possible- so I would love some constructive feedback on what I did good and what I can improve on, if any bipolar people would like to give me some input I would very much appreciate it. Also! it's not explicit here (but it will be elsewhere in this wip) Chase is also Pansexual and Aromantic, uses He/They pronouns, American Romani, and Jewish- in case anyone new would like to know <3

TCIO Taglist: @friendlyneighborhood-writer @jessica-writes22 @rose-bookblood @yejidoesthings @space-writes @cljordan-imperium

General Taglist: @enchanted-lightning-aes @thatprolificauthor @wip-nook @writeblrsupport @outpost51 @dustylovelyrun

Nickelle walked out of her room into the kitchen/living area of the base, and found something that made her stop in her tracks.

Chase sat on the floor, surrounded by haphazardly made and sloppy projects, intensely working on a little robot that looked like an action figure, it’s head on backwards and arms falling off. His hands were shaking, and he was grinning giddily as he worked intently.

This was the third night in a row that this had happened, so she texted Asher and Bryson to have them initiate their plan.

Asher joined Nickelle a minute later, and gently said to Chase, “Hey buddy. Have you been up all night?”

“Yeah, why?” Chase asked, not taking his eyes off his project.

“No reason, no reason,” Asher said, “Um… did you take your medications last night?”

“No,” Chase said, “Why would I need them when I can make perfect machines like this, these are all amazing and I’m the best engineer there is and I don’t need drugs for that.” They set the project down, and it immediately fell apart.

He didn't even notice as he picked up his next project and ripped the head off. Then they picked up a screwdriver as Bryson came in.

Bryson went over, and placed a hand on Chase’s shoulder as V and Kylee came out to join them.

“Chase,” Bryson said, “Let’s get you some sleep.”

“Sleep?” Chase said, his eyes bloodshot and his head drooping, “I don’t need that, I’m too busy with these.” He gestured to the projects surrounding him, all sloppy and falling apart. “Aren’t they beautiful? They’re engineering masterpieces, no one can match them…”

“Yes, they are wonderful,” Asher said, “And these projects will be waiting for you when you’ve gotten some rest.”

“But you guys need me in the chair to hack stuff. I’m so good at hacking stuff, I’m the best. I’m not tired, I don’t need sleep. I’m the hacker, the tech guy.”

“You are, you’re the best hacker and tech we have,” Nickelle said, “But we’re not doing any of that today.”

Chase’s expression turned down, and his shoulders slumped as he came crashing down from the high for the first time in days. “But I can’t, I can’t sleep. Not that it matters, nothing matters. And I’m not good at anything and I’m an imposter and a terrible worthless person and I don’t deserve sleep anyway-” He sucked in a breath and hugged himself.

“We can help you with sleeping, and don’t forget you’re a valuable member of our team,” Bryson said, “Do you have clean pajamas to change into?”

Chase nodded, and let Bryson help him up.

“Ok, go take a warm shower,” Bryson instructed, “It will help you relax, then change into clean clothes and take your medications. And if you need, there’s more we can do to help you sleep.”

“Ok,” Chase said softly, clenching his hands in fists, “I’m sorry- I’m sorry- I’m stupid- I’m-”

“No,” Bryson said gently, “No you’re not. You’re one of the smartest people I know. And even if you weren’t, you’re my friend, and I care about you.”

Asher went to his other side and placed a hand on his shoulder. “It’s not your fault, now let’s get you some sleep.”

After Chase took a shower, taken his medications, and changed into clean sweats, they put on one of his favorite movies and settled on the couch with him.

It wasn't long before Chase was fast alseep, wrapped up in a blanket with his head on V's shoulder.

~~~

“What the fuck did you just say?” Chase asked, his voice dangerously low.

The room quickly went dead silent as he looked up and glared lasers at Jason.

Jason scoffed, “You don’t get to be an asshole, just because you have a mom that doesn’t love you, that’s not an excuse-”

Chase slammed down his drink on the coffee table, splashing the liquid a little. He stood up abruptly, and the others scrambled out of the way as they stormed over and grabbed Jason by the collar.

“You don’t get to say shit about my mom, Richens. You understand?”

Jason put on a not very convincing brave face and spluttered, “I was just-”

“No,” Chase growled, “You can say whatever offensive thing you want to me, and it doesn’t hurt more than what I’ve had to deal with my whole life.” His voice got dangerously soft and even again. “But you do not get to say shit about my mother. You know why?”

Jason looked to the others for help, and they looked everywhere but him, not saying a word. “Um… why?”

“Because you will never understand that my mom tried to love me. She really did. You will never understand what she went through to get me as far away as possible from my sperm donor. You will never understand what she went through to try and keep me and stay with me, despite how she was not in a good place financially, and despite how having me triggered much worse and longer depressive episodes and she could barely care for me. You will never understand how it was in vain because even with her mom’s help, she ended up getting sent to a psych ward where she's treated like shit when I was four, and hasn’t left since.”

Chase’s voice got dangerously even. “You, asshole, will never understand what it’s like to have a mother who did so much for you to get at least a decent life, and only get to see her once. And when you do, she’s so far gone she doesn’t remember anything or recognize you. You will never understand what it’s like to inherit those disorders from her, that she inherited from her father who drove his car off a cliff, and have to live with the fact you might end up with a similar fate- crashing my car to take my own life or lifetime in a mental hospital where I won't get basic human decency.”

They let go of the shirt, and Jason let out a breath but didn’t move- frozen under Chase's icy glare.

“My mother tried to love me. She really did. It’s not her fault that she ended up with the conditions she did, that her dad killed himself when she was a teenager, and then an awful man that took advantage of her vulnerability. And it’s sure as hell not her fault that she got sent to a psych ward before I was barely old enough to form any memories about her.

So you don’t get to tell me that she didn’t love me. Maybe she didn’t. Maybe she did but only a little. Maybe did love me a lot, once, but doesn’t remember enough to love me anymore. But I do know that she did everything she could because I was just a baby, and she’s my mom and she didn’t want someone else to end up with her fate. However much she loves me, is of absolutely no concern to you- don’t speak of my mother ever again, do you understand?”

Jason nodded, staring in slight terror.

“Good,” Chase said. They grabbed their drink off the table, and then disappeared into his room.

Several minutes later, Kylee knocked on the door with her signature knock, and Chase said gruffly, “You can come in Ky’.”

She entered his room. It was dark other than the light from his computer screen and a desk lamp. Clothes and empty soda cans were strewn about the room, blankets and pillows thrown haphazardly on the bed where he sat cross legged with his laptop.

Kylee gestured to a spot next to him, and he gave a short nod. She pulled out her phone, and typed on the screen, “Are you ok?”

“I’m… fine now, I guess,” Chase said with a sigh, “I just- I’ve never talked about that before. Not to anyone but Nãni, and even then it was only a bit when I was younger, after…”

A flash drive was plugged into his computer, and he was clicking through photos. They were of a much younger boy that looked like him- with medium brown skin, and a sloped and round nose, though the boy's hair was much curlier than Chase's- and an older woman with similar features. One of the photos however, instead of the two people from before, was of a woman with very dark, long, and curly hair, a big round and sloped nose, and dark brown skin. She had a neutral expression, and in her arms was a baby that looked like her bundled up in a white blanket. They stopped on that photo.

He said softly, “I do have one memory of her, before they took her away…”

Kylee pulled their knees up to her chest, and lightly rocked as she listened.

“She took me to see robot fights, because I saw them on TV once and thought it was cool as fuck, so she got tickets for us to go see a tournament live.” A small and sad smile appeared on their face. “We got uh- tacos, at a taco stand on the way home.”

He bit his lip as tears glistened in his eyes. “A few days later, she had a psychotic episode, the neighbor reported it, the police came, they decided she wasn’t fit to care for a child even with Nãni’s help, and…” Their breathing shuttered. “The cops yelled at her- there was so much yelling- , used much more force than necessary, and then one pulled out his gun- Nãni convinced him to put it away because I was there. One even called us some slurs, though I didn't know what they meant at the time.”

After a minute he said quietly, “I don’t remember much actually, most I know of what that happened that night is what Nãni told me. I just remember yelling, so much yelling and it was loud, and my mom… begging to stay with me. She- she thought my piece of shit dad there and that he was going to take me away and hurt me.

I don’t know a lot about my father actually, my mom didn’t tell Nãni much about him, and my mom didn’t tell me anything other than I wasn’t safe with him, and Nãni told me most of what she knows. All I know is it was bad enough that my mom risked a lot to leave with me, and that I have to be careful to make sure that he can’t find me.”

After a beat of silence, Chase continued, “The cops dragged her out of the house… they used more racist slurs on top of all that too… I cried for hours and didn’t sleep at all that night- at least that's what Nãni says.”

Kylee typed on something on her phone and held it up. “You saw her once after that?”

Chase nodded, wiping away tears with the back of his sleeve. “I was eleven, in middle school, in the top of my math and science classes. I’d even made a few friends in robotics club.” They swallowed harshly, pressing his hand to his mouth for a moment.

“The um, mental hospital was cold and white all over, and the doctors there didn’t care, you could tell. Nãni had to fight tooth and nail to get them and the courts to let me see her. When I went in two of the nurses followed with a security guard. She was-” They sniffed, pulling his sleeve over his hands and holding it to their mouth as tears flowed freely now.

Chase continued in a croaked voice, “There was some furniture in there other than the bed but it was all round and smooth surfaces. Even the handles and lights. My mom was sitting on the bed, staring out the window. She didn’t recognize me, or remember anything that happened. She was mostly gone at that point.”

He smiled a bit. “I did end up hacking into the cameras of that place though, idiots didn’t even notice or realize.” His smile fell. “I stopped after I saw her psychotic episodes…. she’d see my dad taking me away and they would use a lot of force until they could put her under. Then she’d wake up and forget again…”

Kylee typed something, then backspaced and typed something else. “Question.”

Chase shrugged. “Shoot.”

“If bipolar disorder is inherited, and it comes with psychotic episodes, does that mean you get them like she does?”

“I… haven’t had any psychotic episodes yet, but, um… My psychiatrist thinks that I may get them when I’m older, like my mom and grandpa. We’ll see when we get there I guess, and we might add another medication to my already long list of meds I need to take.”

“A psychotic episode is like hallucinations, right?”

“It can include hallucinations, but psychosis itself is more like… disconnect from reality, and you don’t even realize it. I can be pretty dangerous, especially if you’re with a person who may want to hurt you, or if you end up hurting yourself.”

He took a deep, shuddering breath. “It honestly scares me that I’ll get an episode for the first time while I’m alone or with a person who doesn’t care what happens to me. Or worse they’ll hurt me, or call the police and have me thrown in a-”

He squeezed his eyes shut, clenching his fist.

Kylee leaned her head on their shoulder, and they sat in silence for a long time.

[jourquet]

Get to Know Me Tag tagged by @dribs-and-drabbles. ❤️ thank you for thinking of me.

Do you make your bed?

usually, no. i'm chaotic energy like that. my mom has attempted to make me since i was a child, but i prefer not to. i tend to stay in my bed most days anyway (sensory-wise, pretty comfortable). though, i live in the nothern part of europe, so we get colder nights than the rest. i live in the warmest section of my country, however. but still, for the regular italian, they will be freezing over here.

What's your favourite number? 13 or 11. i used to be on a football team (soccer for americans out there) as a left field defense, and i always tried to grab one of those numbers. something extremely satisfying of the psychological effect of the "bad luck" number on the offensive players faces when you constantly make it impossible to attack on your side. hell, i even had five players on me once because the football trainer on the opposite team saw the danger i was. it always brought me luck and others misfortune. with 11, is because it relates to my birthday (11.11, no joke, its my birthday date).

What is your job?

i don't have any, at the moment. but people wants me to do many things. apparently because i'm a "natural" in whatever fancies my interest. suggestions have been librarian, spokes-person for disability issues, professional writer, radio-speaker, professional football player, teacher, mathematician, graphic designer, artist, and more. take your pick, it probably has been suggested.

If you could go back to school, would you?

i would, yes. but not on university level. we've the option one below it with same results. i would pick subjects such as languages (general), maths, graphic design, marketing, leadership, psychology, sociology, politics, economics, coding, drawing, classic literature class, acting, maybe some law even.

Can you parallel park?

nope.

A job you had that would surprise people?

worked with kids a few times. also helped a friend out in high school to pass all her classes she struggled with. without payment on the latter. but i didn't mind, not the type to exploit people.

Do you think aliens are real?

most, likely yes. considering how vast and expansive space is, it would be more shocking if it wasn't. and our view of "life" is limited to our own scope. it's possible life exists but not under the circumstances we're used to believe it is.

Can you drive a manual car?

no.

What's your guilty pleasure?

reading fanfics, anything queer content (never do it or rarely with people irl around, though they're aware of my accounts. as i said earlier i be living the wild life). listening to artists i did as a kid (hannah montana specifically), anything too mature rated (grew up partly in catholic background since mom's family is mexican. shame for those things are common around those parts), and speaking my mind without filter. i'm a hot-head here, if you know me well. Tattoos?

none, never plan on getting any though. people always say my skin is unbelievable young-looking for my age. not about to take that privilege away.

Favorite color?

green and blue. they remind me of the norwegian forest (they've an unique color because of our position on earth). and blue, because it reminds me of the seas in mexico and its calming. unlike most colors. Favorite type of music?

too varied to place in a box (ask anyone). but currently, my male kpop music list is on repeat and has been for a few months.

Do you like puzzles?

i used to do them a lot when young but not much anymore. because my mind can't focus on it too long. i usually have to finish it in one go or i don't return to it.

Any phobias?

social phobia/anxiety. but i try to face it anyway, since i refuse to be blocked out of society for trauma that i'm not responsible for. rather want to live a happy one than miserable. already been on the worst possible end, not letting that chain me down.

Favorite childhood sport?

football, hiking, and swimming.

Do you talk to yourself?

i used to, a lot. but not much anymore. i can talk to my characters fluently without break in my head. i'm a writer after all, i've had enough experience to not need any mirror or loudly talk anymore. i can take up any character at will, and we will talk as we never left off.

which is why i sometimes blank out during conversations. because i'm in a conversation with character(s) and said person(s) irl lost my interest at some point or i simply can't focus on anything they're saying.

what movies do you adore?

i prefer movies that makes one question things like dune (dennis version), or like inception. true underrated gems that most of the public seems to be missing the point of. dune might be seem as mainstream but the author's point are flying over most people's heads.

Coffee or tea?

tea, always, without question. the only coffee i actually drink is moccha, and its more chocolate anyway. and i prefer a brand unique to mexico which is difficult to find. since its local.

First thing you wanted to be growing up?

prince, since i loved to watch the disney movies as a kid. always liked the idea of being a charmer and having the responsibility that came with it. also how the life of a prince never seemed to have a boring moment. of course, i was disappointed when i realized you could only be born into it lmao. casually tagging: @zeawesomebirdie @echoanimates @cedence @bastardcompany. and anyone else who wants to do it.