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chocolateslatte · 5 years ago

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🚨The Rise of Skywalker Detailed Review and Spoilers Ahead🚨

George Lucas: “If the boy and girl walk off into the sunset hand-in-hand in the last scene, it adds 10 million to the box office”

The “fairytale” we got: A long long time ago in a galaxy far far away, there was a curse of pain and death in a family that just went on and on. They were never able to break it and they all die, the end.

Well, you did it JJ, you little punk...you ruined 40 years of cinema. Kids are coming out of theatres crying, they can’t understand. I guess this was the “fun and hopeful ending” you were speaking of during the press tours. Are you on crack or something, or just sadistic....why would you promote it like that!? Did you forget Star Wars at its core is a story of hope, light, a fairytale in space for children? They did it...they united Reylo’s and Fanboys through hate.

JJ you do realize tragical romances are only tragically romantic if there was romantic buildup? Romeo and Juliet married in secret, Anidala did as well and flirted in the fields. How was this supposed to be satisfying? A five-second beginning, middle, and end. How this went through multiple execs is beyond me.... I would have understood if Reylo was Rian’s creation. BUT JJ LITERALLY was the one who told Rian to go forth with it...he created Reylo so you can’t say the last Jedi derailed things on that front. JJ wasn’t brave enough for his own vision. This movie was like “the crimes of Grindlewald”, a lot of stuff happening that made me feel nothing.

Okay, first things first. The OG trilogy was necessary, the prequels were necessary to set up that Vader did not start off bad. What was necessary about the sequels? They just dismantled everything the Skywalker family worked for. Why did we have to see ALL of our favorite characters die? Was the aim that a villain can only be redeemed through death? How original. I’m convinced what they were planning for since force awakens was a journey from villain to hero...but instead we got this a 10min redemption resulting in death a la Vader. Why call Adam Driver’s character a “Disney Prince”?When did Happy endings become so controversial? We go to the movies to feel hope, to escape reality...George Lucas understood that. JJ’s trilogy is uninspired, bland and contributes nothing to the saga. JJ went as far as to recon his own “The Force Awakens”.It had the chance to define generations but no. Literal and utter garbage. Rian made some odd choices but he was bold, unafraid and had the vision. HE knew emotion was at the heart of Star Wars.

WHERE DID THE SKYWALKERS RISE? MORE LIKE RISE OF PALPATINE, HE BLOODY WON

BUT my problem is not with the ending, it’s the bloody entire movie. This movie made me realize that it's not Reylo that I am a fan of, it was Ben, Leia, Han, Ani, Padme, and all those other characters. I’m upset because this movie is not my Star Wars: of family, love and above all else hope. This is just a 2.5-hour video game with no emotions. This trilogy was all angst with NO payoff.

Okay, you will never ever convince me Palpatine was planned the whole time. This whole movie was retcon for the Last Jedi that pissed off the fanboys. Lucas films did not have an outline for the three films and Rian derailed whatever they wanted to do....except they didn’t even tell him what they wanted! This should be a cautionary tale of why you need to plan. Kylo ain’t bad, Snoke is gone....well pull out Palpatine I guess. This whole film is JJ’s mad scrambling. Alright, I will humor you, tell me how Palpatine came back when he fell down a shaft and exploded....not *boom boom because of force*. The force in this movie is not canon George Lucas force, it’s just an easy out whenever JJ wants one.

1. Opening Crawl: As soon as I saw this I knew all the leaks were true, I wanted to bolt from the theatre. When I saw them in August I laughed cause it was so ridiculous it couldn’t be true. How could Disney let a whole movie leak? The plot seemed like a bad fan-fiction. Actually, fanfics are way more true to lore. Anyway, so Palpatine “announces” that he’s back. Is this the shrewd Chancellor Palpatine we know? Certainly, not...why in the world would he announce it rather than keep on the DL and just attack. Yo Palps ain’t this dumb why would you let them (the resistance) prepare?? Because of plot...well okay.

2. Did Last Jedi even happen: this film is the sequel to the force awakens, like TLJ never happened...except it’s acting like there was some movie in between that JJ made. Okay, so why is Kylo trying to run Rey over with his tie fighter...he doesn’t really want to kill her. It’s just meaningless action shots. And don’t get me started on exposition, the dialogue: “hey look its the Knights of Ren”. Except they do nothing. Cool cool. Kylo’s character goes back to Force awakens era like no development had occurred...except he’s not even there he’s just messing around not even being a real villain. JJ’s specialty is set-up and he does this beautifully....but he can not wrap up and follow through.

3. Rose Tico: yup last Jedi never happened, she has nothing to do. She and Finn are irrelevant. Finn has reverted to being obsessed with Rey. Cool Cool. I honestly feel so bad for the lovely Kelly Marie Tran. How did you relegate a relatively big character into the sidelines?? Why introduce two new characters this late. Rose could have filmed in for them...but alas we must snub Rian at every turn because that’s just how petty JJ Abrams is. ( don’t get me wrong Jannah was cool)

4. The Rise Of Poe Dameron: Finn has been relegated to a side character who does nothing and just yells “REY!”. It was a great setup, a stormtrooper who was force sensitive but doesn’t want his life to be fighting for nothing. You could have explored trauma, the discovery of the light but nope nada. Tell me the point of his character journey. So flat and static. And with Jannah and the ex stormtroopers they could have gone with the arc of these lost, sad kids coming together to find family.

5. Leia: Okay you’re telling me our Princess would give up on her son before he was born, just throw away her lightsaber and accept Ben’s fate? Cool alright. And she knew about Rey Palpatine and didn’t say anything...my princess would never.

6. Mary Sue Rey: Ahh Rey this girl feels no emotion in this movie...just like the audience. Sure she’s trained but she can just do stuff with the “force” that even Jedi masters can’t. Stopping a whole starship, something even Yoda could barely do...yup she can do it. Beat Kylo all the time except one, yup she can. Manipulate the force in mind-boggling ways, heal people...sure Luke couldn’t but Rey certainly can. Cause she is the chosen one...hell even Ani wasn’t this talented and he had years of training. Poe and Finn have a genuine connection, Rey just seems disjointed (totally understandable why)...but if so the ending is even worse. She doesn’t even find peace with her friends. She’s not realistic and human like Luke and Leia were.

Force sensitivity in the galaxy: What a perfect setup, the boy with the broom at the end of TLJ that was force sensitive. The message is that the power to use the force was spreading through the galaxy. No longer confined to the elite. People were hearing of Luke’s battle of Crate and rising.

7. Kylo/Ben: I still maintain that he, other than Ani was the most nuanced character in the whole saga. His arc from Force Awakens to Last Jedi had progressed. How great that even someone from the legendary line of skywalker and solo could fall to the dark again. He wasn’t flat, he was a tortured boy that was conflicted since the first movie. How great would it have been to see him as a conflicted supreme leader, which was set up in TLJ. But *gasps* a plot of his very own, no can do, this is the nature of JJ’s crush on Rey and Daisy.

Disney released comics that made us sympathize with him, to see that all along he was manipulated by Snoke, and Palpatine the voices in his head. Neglected by those who were supposed to love him. Adam Driver was cast perfectly, he had almost no lines that weren’t related to Rey’s charcater arc. If he were a woman I’m sure everyone would be offended. That single line’s delivery “Dad-”

Come on Poe had more lines than him, and Driver according to JJ was half of the protagonist. He was pitched an arc opposite that of Darth Vader that’s why he signed. Man JJ really did do everyone dirty.

8. Ben had no lines while redeemed other than “ow”...I am so sorry ADAM that this nasty ass JJ did this to you...this part was 100% improv by Adam, I am willing to bet my life on it. You know why “ow” was brilliant? Cause it meant he felt pain and emotion, he was no longer hiding behind the hardness of Kylo REN. Adam’s performance as Ben left me speechless, he was convincing as Kylo, intimidating...but as BEN he shines in the way only Solo’s can. The way his eyes become determined once he accepts he must give his life, and he does so happily for the love of his life. His soulmate. Star Wars and JJ never deserved the talent that is Adam Driver.

9. They are supposed to be equals in the force yet they missed the opportunity to fight Snoke together. Tell me how they are equals. He existed only to further Rey’s plotline.

Oh and the other Jedi including Anakin whisper and help Rey...when his own grandson has been asking for help in distress for like 30years. Nice real nice.

10. Finally Reylo: it felt unearned cause there was no buildup, JJ just threw it in for kicks forgetting all the P&P parallels he was shooting for. An afterthought. Driver and Ridley’s acting saved the day, they had no lines. Adam Driver is truly one of the finest actors. You could see the difference between Ben and Kylo in his subtle gestures...the sass was pure Han Solo.

11. And then the death: I wouldn’t even say we won, but at what cost. We won in no way. Had he died fighting I would have understood, but this death was so unnecessary and put in just for the fanboys. Let me say again I would have been okay with death had it been justified. How is this any different than Vader x Luke. JJ can only copy not create. How crazy that you can just bring people back from the dead...Anakin is here like, am I joke to you? I could have brought Padme back say what???? What was the point of his whole fall to the dark. The force is infinite, that’s the whole point...once you know how to use it you can’t run out of it like juice. Oh, and Ben did not become one with Rey but rather the Force according to the Disney website. So why pray tell did he not appear as a force ghost? I’m convinced JJ was on crack.

12. No Mourning BEN no acknowledgment: 5 seconds! And then she moves on from losing her soulmate, half of her soul. She loses it over Chewie but nothing, no emotion not even a second over her other half. Seriously? No one ever knows Ben came back...nada. JJ set up Reylo, time and time again he has said that he crafted the story around the romance. He was left scrambling after Last Jedi and this was a last-ditch shock ending. No Reylo theme song, no across the stars

13. Last Jedi told us you don’t have to come from a powerful family to be important. THE WHOLE thing was that you could be force-sensitive and be a nobody. Nobodies can become somebody. A Hero is not born but made. The force lives in all beings, not just powerful families. It inspired me, what a great message to young guys and gals. Kylo’s line, “you come from nothing, you are nothing...you have no place in this story” finally turns out true. You have to come from something to have a part in the Star Wars story. And Rey had darkness inside her cause she was human. Because none of us are pure, we are shades of grey. But no, it’s cause darkness only runs in families. In the Last Jedi when she wants to see her family all she sees is herself and a shadow (Ben) who joins with her. Please do explain this JJ. And if this granddaughter thing was set up I would have had no problem...but they pulled it from their asses. You can have nothing but mean something. But no pander to the fanboys. In the end, a Palpatine lived and all the skywalkers ended....and we are supposed to have hope. Palpatine really did win.

14. Rey’s biggest fear was ending up in the desert alone, we were told “the belonging she seeks is ahead not behind” and “there’s someone who could still come back”. They mentioned she felt just as alone with the resistance. Only the other half of her soul understood her. This is truly tragic and sad...I am so heartbroken for her. And don’t tell me she isn’t there to stay...the soundtrack is called “a new home”. Enjoy the rest of your days being exactly where you started Rey....but hey at least you got a droid boo. I’m convinced this is not the balance JJ envisioned in the first movie. At one point in TFA Rey looks up sees an old woman alone, scavenging in the desert. This rattles her to the core and it starts her journey of wanting a better, different life. I am so sorry Rey. Okay so you may say she has the resistance and her friends...but let’s consult the last Jedi. In the end when everyone is on the ship...Rey is surrounded by friends yet looks more alone than ever. No one but Ben, maybe Luke, Leia, and Han understood her pull to the dark.

How sad that these two hopeless souls who had never known a moment of belonging and true love, found it for all but a few seconds.

I will quote: “preventing female characters with strong, compelling narratives from experiencing love, intimacy, and affection is just as regressive as reducing them down to sexual accessories. Assumes that women must choose between a romantic interest and depth of character”

Men really can not write good female characters, can they? A woman really can’t be a badass and end up with the love of her life

15. The Skywalker’s and Redemption: How truly truly sad that Han and Leia gave their life for their son who also died at a young age. ALL the Skywalkers and Solo’s have a tragic end. This is not what George Lucas wanted. What a tragic way to end this saga...they weren't able to break the curse. AND to all those troubled kids out there that lashed out and made terrible mistakes in their youth....doesn’t matter what you do dying is the only way out. You could have exiled him, made him pay in other ways. Nothing can be done to make up for your sins but death, no amount of good means that you can come home. To the young boys that get wrapped up in terror organizations, sorry the only way you can be redeemed is death...don’t bother changing and coming back. They could have exiled him, had him start an academy with Rey for Jedi kids. He could have spent the rest of his days redeeming himself. Why tell us he was literally preyed upon, haunted, and manipulated as a child. Even in a fantasy world, a victim of mental illness and abuse can not catch a break. Ben as a child could not fall asleep due to the demon-like voices in his mind. Everyone abandoned him in his time of need. Ben never desired power like Anakin, he went over to the dark because “the voice” of his grandfather promised belonging. I am shocked that this is the message Disney sends us. Oh and yeah you can totally take on the Skywalker name for kicks...the disrespect I swear

16. The worst bit is that I am 90% sure there was another ending that was scrapped. There was a promo shot of Jannah in a field, soft lighting, lush planet. It was exactly like P&P. Daisy Ridley said the lasts scene was known to only Her, Jannah on that panel (Driver was away). Convinced Jannah was looking at Rey and Ben starting a new life away from the desert which she and Luke hate so much. Hence the production of “A New Home” soundtrack. Hence why the “Farewell” song played behind Reylo kiss was hopeful. Why Luke’s soundtrack when he became part of the force was not triumphant. Why the death scene was sudden and cut weird and no sorrow from Rey. CAUSE THEY SCRAPPED THE ORIGINAL ENDING LAST MINUTE. Everyone knows JJ was still editing one month before. The concept art which was supposed to be released this month has been pushed to March. Why you ask? They need to remove the pages with a happy ending. He just didn’t have the guts, pandered to everyone and yet no one. He was successful in creating a beautifully filmed action-filled movie with none of the heart of Star Wars.

And then she goes and buries Anakin’s saber on freaking TATOOINE. He HATES Sand and Luke wanted to get away from there as soon as possible. Of course, a Palpatine would torture them that way. But nostalgia is the cash cow so. JJ can only generate nostalgia, not create original stories. IF he had any creativity she would have buried it at Padme’s grave.

The fanboys say “leave the romance for the romance movies”....have you seen the original trilogy or the prequels? Star Wars has always had hope and romance entwined with it.

SO AFTER 40 YEARS...PALPATINE WINS...HIS BLOODLINE LIVES ON

...and people thought the prequels were bad

JJ you also said that your goal was for people to come out of the movie feeling more hopeful and happy then they went in...yet here I am. My roommate literally had to console me and buy me ice cream. I am just so numb. I am sure the casual fan will enjoy this, as seen from the rotten tomatoes ratings. I think the critics were too generous with this one,

Star Wars is very simple at its core, Good vs Bad and Dark vs Light. The kids are expected to understand that a Palpatine being the only one who lives is hopeful? That is the conclusion of three generations of Skywalker sacrifice...

This is how the Skywalkers are remembered...In Tragedy and Curse??

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liberty-barnes · 4 years ago

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Hi Libby!

I'm curious to find out what's your take on Sam and Aaron Taylor-Johnson's marriage. Because I really believe she groomed him.

She knew he was a teenager and went after him anyway. She said there was no funny business happening during the set of 'Nowhere Boy', but then she also said that everyone knew that's something's up. She's also his boss at that time, so sus. People keep saying that, 'Oh, he's legal' and 'Oh, he's a grown man'. It is absolutely irking, because had the roles been reversed, it would face double the amount of scrutiny it is facing now. Instead of 'He got lucky', it would be, 'He's a monster, a pedophile' or 'He should be in jail'. This belief never benefited anyone; it only strips survivors, male survivors of abuse specifically of validation, and proper rights to justice.

Anyway, there are so many shady details that come with these two, I can't type them all.

Thanks for reading my very angry thoughts at 11 pm GMT+8 xx

hi lovely!

ooh, smart and controversial discourse, love that, you're welcome to rant in my inbox whenever you want, doll.

so, i didn't follow his career very closely before or after the mcu, but i did see that and it made me a bit icky so i did some research at the time. in my opinion, if you don't agree with something, you have to really look into it and ask yourself "does this make me uncomfortable cause i don't like it" or "does this make me uncomfortable cause something fishy's going on" and it did strike me as kind of strange.

the double standards in the industry when it comes to dating are undeniable, just like in the rest of society. younger men are expected to chase after older, richer women, cause it makes the patriarchy feel like they "tamed another beast". even though it's not right, married women are seen as less powerful than celibate ones, because it's still common for the husband to have control.

i think that's why most people skimmed over that. it didn't bother men cause "good for him, he got himself a rich, hot beast" and for those who didn't like it, the "he's legal" argument was there.

so let me tell you straight up what i think about that "they're legal" argument. people that use "they're legal" as an excuse scare me, cause for them, as long as the law says it's okay, then it's okay. they don't question it, they don't research it, they just follow like nicely trained monkeys. there's nothing more dangerous to the free world than people who blindly follow orders, that's what makes dictatorships thrive. in order for this to be a democracy, people need to question, to research, to demand explanations when things seem to be done in a bad way.

cause that's a bit of what this was. he was legal, but barely so. he wasn't even old enough to drink in the us (which, sucks to be you btw, europe's much better in that sense) and he was supposedly old enough to understand he loved a woman who a)is 23 years older, b) was his boss and c)was his boss in his breakthrough movie. i mean, didn't even know that aaron taylor-johnson was his married name, cause i never knew him when he was just aaron johnson.

that's all kinds of weird.

so if we ignore the age part, cause hey, we're not here to judge the age difference, that's not my point. she was his boss which always makes me cringe cause that's bit unprofessional, but Nowhere Boy was aaron's breakthrough movie, it's the one that really got him out there. could he have gotten another breakthrough? yes, i believe he's a very talented actor and he would've still made it to where he is today, perhaps by another way. but he didn't.

he had to be thankful to her and admire her for giving him a shot, especially being that young, so was it love at first? i'm not so sure.

it might have been admiration, gratefulness, and i doubt he was the one holding/sharing the reins in the relationship at first.

is it possible that he fell in love with her afterwards? absolutely, the foundations over which they built their love and relationship are just shaky cause what happens if one day he realises that "hey, it sounds a bit like i was lured into a relationship and stayed there cause i didn't know better"? they met, got engaged a year after, and it might be a bit fast for his age.

so yeah, i forgot where i was going with this, but to sum it up, there was definitely a weird start to their relationship, and i don't know how it's gonna evolve.

but at the end of the day, they've been together for over ten years and both seem happy in their relationship, so i don't wanna judge them if it works.

it's a weird situation cause half of me is screaming "grooming, weird start, what even is legal age?" and the other is screaming "they're happy, let them love".

so yeah, what i think about their relationship is that i honestly don't know. i think i'd rather focus on his career, watch interviews, and keep an eye out for signs of discomfort when their relationship. i hope they have people in their life with enough critical thinking to intervene if necessary, but until that's necessary, i guess we'll just support him in any way we're comfortable.

hope that helped cause i'm not even sure i understand half of what i wrote lmaooo

feel free to send me more of these, i love it when you guys make me think

-Love, Miah

#libbys stuff #libby answers #aaron taylor johnson #sam taylor johnson #discourse #tw grooming

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9worldstales · 4 years ago

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In reply to this post @woodelf68 said:

The jr. novel having Thor say that Loki stole the throne twice is ridiculous. He was lawfully given the throne when Odin was Sleeping and Thor banished, as he was next in line of the succession. And he offered the throne to Thor in TDW and Thor refused it! What was he going to do, abandon Asgard? Loki was the one who stepped up and took on the burden of rule, and yet got none of the credit. And Thor was the ‘savage, chaotic, lawless’ one when he stormed Jotunheim, breaking the peace treaty and gleefully slaughtering Frost Giants. The only time that description fit Loki was after he’d been tortured and was under the influence of the Mind Stone.

My apologies if I reply to you in a separate post but this got too long for the comments...

I’ll try to keep this as impartial and objective as I can, please, everyone, forgive me if I fail.

For start, oh yes, you’re absolutely right, as I said the whole bit of the junior novel contains canon mistakes in regard to both Thor and Loki.

Going in order:

Thor never demanded the throne, the throne was ALWAYS meant to be given to him by Odin, nor he refused it when Asgard needed him the most. He refused it when Asgard just won the war against the Dark Elves and, after Thor refused it, Asgard went through 4 years of peace. Things got worse only because Hela came back after 4 years, something no one had an idea would happen except Odin.

As for Loki yeah, the first time in “Thor” he ABSOLUTELY didn’t steal the throne. He was also a heir to it and with Thor banished for something Thor did (I’ve a long meta digging into how it was Thor who caused his own banishment if someone is in doubt about it) he was the next in line and rightful heir to it. There was ABSOLUTELY no stealing of the throne in a cut scene we see Frigga herself telling so to a surprised Loki.

Loki: What hope is there for Thor? Frigga: There's always a purpose to everything your father does. Thor may yet find a way home. Loki looks troubled by the revelation. He rises, heads for the exit, when they hear the clatter of ARMORED FOOTSTEPS hurriedly approaching. THE EINHERJAR GUARD Enter the room, block his way out. Loki tenses, prepared for the worst, but the guards just stand before them. Loki is baffled. Frigga: (cont’d) Thor is banished. The line of succession falls to you. Until he awakens, Asgard is yours.

And it’s worth to mention Thor accepted Loki as the one inheriting the throne. When Loki tells him the burden of the throne has fallen on him, Thor doesn’t say ‘no, nope, the throne is mine’. He just asks if, since his brother is now in charge HE CAN COME HOME. He doesn’t ask for the throne he just wants to come home. And when Loki tells him nope, Thor doesn’t accuse him of stealing the throne either, he accepts it.

It’s also worth to remember Loki had no idea they would pass the throne to him when Odin fell into Odinsleep. As it apparently happened before, likely Frigga took regency in those moments and Loki had no idea Odin would fall into Odinsleep back then anyway. There was no plotting whatsoever for Loki to take the throne. The movie and the side-material make clear Loki never expected the throne to pass to him, when he let the Frost Giants in Asgard, he merely aimed to stall the coronation for a bit longer.

“Thor: The Dark World” is actually a bit more controversial. Loki has been sentenced by Odin to lifelong imprisonment. This implies he has lost the rights to the throne so he’s no more a legitimate heir to it (in the comic “Thor: The Dark World Prelude” n° 2 written by Yost (scriptwriter for “Thor: The Dark World Prelude” and Kyle) which was likely written prior to Joss Whedon writing the scene for the meeting between Loki and Odin in “Thor: The Dark World” whcih was later added into the movie, Odin even rejects him as a son, telling him the boy he knew is dead and what remains is a creature he doesn’t recognize and calls him ‘Loki Laufeyson’).

The moment Loki takes Odin’s place, he technically steals the throne.

Yes, he offers it to Thor, which implies he didn’t plan to keep it, but it wasn’t his to offer in the first place and although Odin always meant to make Thor the next king (and in the first ending of the movie it’s implied that’s what he would do as soon as Thor was back in good shape) he had no idea if he meant to make him the next king right then.

What’s more he doesn’t return it to Odin when Thor refuses it. So, since Loki wasn’t anymore a legitimate heir and the throne wasn’t his to take yes, in this case he stole it from Odin, not from Thor because Thor refused it.

Now yeah, I know Feige left open the possibility that Thor refused due to what Loki said to him in the guise of Odin…

Feige: That last scene needed to work for people watching the movie for the first time, who believed that it’s Odin talking to Thor, and then the surprise, but it also needs to work a second and third time. Why is Odin saying those things? Why is Loki saying those things to Thor? They’re very nice things, they’re very caring things, that he says to him. Is it partly because he loves his brother? I like to think so. Is it also because that’s what his brother needs… to leave? Perhaps. [“Kevin Feige: It was always the plan to have Loki have a redemptive death. It was always planned that he wouldn’t really be gone.”]

But this is the first exchange Thor and ‘Odin’ had in the movie after Thor returns:

Odin: You once said there would never be a wiser king than me. You were wrong. The Alignment has brought all the realms together. Every one of them saw you offer your life to save them. What can Asgard offer its new king in return? Thor: My life. Father, I cannot be king of Asgard. I will protect Asgard and all the realms with my last and every breath, but I cannot do so from that chair. Loki, for all his grave imbalance, understood rule as I know I never will. The brutality, the sacrifice... It changes you. I'd rather be a good man than a great king. Odin: Is this my son I hear, or the woman he loves? Thor: When you speak, do I never hear Mother's voice'? This is not for Jane, Father. She does not know what I came here to say. Now, forbid me to see her, or say she can rule at my side. It changes nothing.

Thor went there specifically to tell his father he didn’t want to be king and that he wouldn’t change his mind not even if Odin were to forbid him to see Jane or allow him to marry her.

So no, Loki’s words weren’t what Thor needed to leave, Thor didn’t need to be persuaded to leave. So maybe Feige should re-read the script before talking.

So yeah, Thor refused it on his own. Loki didn’t manipulate him into doing it.

(The script of this part is messed up though, because it starts with a reference to what Thor said to Odin at the end of “Thor”… and Loki back then wasn’t around to hear it so really, Feige isn’t the only one who should re-read their script but whatever, this was a bit they rushed to put together when they decided to toss away the original ending of the movie for this new one.)

But there’s more that’s wrong with that bit.

Thor says: “My point is that our self-centered conflict over Asgard has ruined our kingdom. We have been so focused on fighting for the top we’ve forgotten there’s a middle and a bottom.”

There was no self-centered conflict over Asgard that has ruined the kingdom. The kingdom wasn’t ruined, it was perfectly fine until Hela attacked and Hela’s attack is due to Odin and how he raised her and handled her when he couldn’t control her any longer, not due to Loki and Thor.

Also the real problem wasn’t a ‘self-centered conflict for the top’… more like Odin’s screwed up parenting.

So yeah, if the Junior novel is based on the old script there’s a lot of questionable material and not just in this scene. But let’s talk a bit about Eric Pearson, the guy who wrote the script.

As I said in another post about how people came to think Loki is a serial betrayal this guy never worked on a script with Thor and Loki previously and the most he did was to be involved in the “Marvel’s The Avengers Prelude: Fury’s Big Week” in which Thor and Loki have some cameo appearances.

To continue that’s what he says about working on the script:

Fun sells, especially in the Marvel Comic Universe. Did you have a hard time balancing how hilarious the film had to be with the high stakes it has going on? Pearson: I did, yeah. It was tricky. First of all, it took a couple of interactions with Taika before we got on the same page. He’s such a different guy with a different sense of humor [he says fondly]. After I pitched the scene that happens first in the movie I got a sense of his sense of humor and going forward that was really helpful. The first draft was really about nailing the structure and the character arcs, and having our skeleton. That was when I started working more closely with Taika to get his little comedic flourishes in there. Plus, on the day during shooting, he’s bound to do anything. Suddenly there will be a weird prop in the scene and you have to be like “Ok, there it is! We’re gonna move right along!” He knew what he was doing from the beginning. He was going to rob the bank and get away with a ton of comedy, so I was just trying to keep the story together for the most part. And keep the characters honest and true to the world and their respective journeys. [“A Talk With THOR: RAGNAROK’s Eric Pearson”]

The Junior novel has basically no humour. I would say the script used is, if not the very first one, something like the second… which is also hinted by how there’s no mention of Hela being Odin’s daughter.

Let’s talk about Hela. There’s been a certain spoiler going around about her lineage, and we’d love to hear how that came about. Pearson: The decision to make Hela Odin's banished daughter came really late into writing my first draft. We had discussed her backstory as someone from Asgard's past, the Goddess of Death being a weapon of war that Odin used to conquer the Nine Realms and build his empire, but as I was writing and getting closer to the end, knowing that a Thor-Hela face-off was imminent, I felt like we needed more. More connection between the two, more depth to their ideological conflict. And it was one of those late nights, probably 11 pm working at Marvel, and I expressed this concern to Brad Winderbaum (producer). I basically told him that I'd been thinking about it, and I thought that making Hela Thor's sister made the most sense for the story and had the most impact to a shared history. He agreed and told me, "Don't pitch it to anyone because it'll be more likely to get shot down. Just write it into the script and let everyone discover the connection the same way that Thor will." Ultimately it was the right move because, after I wrote the ending and retconned the earlier scenes to reflect the family relation, everybody who read it was surprised, and pleasantly so. [“A Talk With THOR: RAGNAROK’s Eric Pearson”]

And this guy clearly has no idea what the relationship between Thor and Loki was previously and not only because he needed Chris Hemsworth to point out he wasn’t handing them correctly (how Hemsworth’s input helped or worsened the matter is up to debate)…

Pearson: For introductions, working on Thor’s voice was really great just because Hemsworth is great with the script. He actually pulled me aside one morning to talk to me about the Thor and Loki scenes. He pointed out, correctly so, that what I had was retreading a bit of what had already happened in Thor, Thor: The Dark World and The Avengers. We needed to have their relationship exhibit the amount of awareness that it should have after the audience spent so much time with them on screen. So, the Thor and Loki stuff is also some of my favorite. [“A Talk With THOR: RAGNAROK’s Eric Pearson”]

But that’s how, after Hemsworth’s tips, he describes Loki and Thor’s situation:

As the villains in the cinematic universe go, Loki is far and away considered the best by fans. Now you’ve got to bring forward his humor a little more with Hela acting as the main antagonist. What was it like reconciling all the history that Thor and Loki have while there’s another big bad threatening their world? Pearson: We find Loki in a different headspace at the beginning of the movie. Since Thor: The Dark World he’s been ruling Asgard as Odin as he’s always wanted. He’s on sort of a villainous vacation while in a role that plays to his narcissism. So, he’s mostly off his world conquering villain agenda already at the beginning of the film. Plus, Thor and Loki have had so many interactions, and alliances, and betrayals. They’ve been each others’ nemeses for so long that even they’re a little exhausted by themselves. It’s almost like the fatigue of dealing with each other allows this terminator like force of Hela to just walk in. They’re divided so she conquers. [“A Talk With THOR: RAGNAROK’s Eric Pearson”]

Thor and Loki has been each others’ nemeses for so long?

They started having an argument in “Thor” that’s placed in 2011 and that lasted basically 1 day before Loki fell into the void. They saw each other again the following year in “The Avengers” and argued for what? 2 days? Then Loki gets jailed for a year and in “Thor: The Dark World” they’re on the same page, allied against Malekith! Thor believes Loki dead and discover he’s not in 2017, when “Thor: Ragnarok” takes place!

(Now, whoever is about to say they actually have a story of Loki trying to kill Thor and tries to mention this scene to me:

Valkyrie: He did try to kill me. Thor: Yes, me too. On many, many occasions. There was one time when we were children, he transformed himself into a snake, and he knows that I love snakes. So, I went to pick up the snake to admire it and he transformed back into himself and he was like, "Yeah, it's me!" And he stabbed me. We were eight at the time.

...can either accept the short explanation that this scene is a retcon of Thor and Loki's relation or read the long explanation with all the official sources that explains how this is a retcon as prior to “Thor: Ragnarok” the canon was that Thor and Loki were loving brothers until “Thor” happened. That movie is meant to be the start of their fighting, for crying out loud.)

They have a total of 3 days of actively being on each others’ throats. This exhausted them? Even if we consider the full year in which Thor was aware Loki was alive and jailed, we’re talking of people that lives for centuries and a jailed Loki can’t really be considered at Thor’s throat.

So no, if “Thor: Ragnarok” had followed the original script, it wouldn’t have been canon compliant all the same… but Marvel wasn’t interested in protecting canon from the get-go and let Waititi free to create ‘his own thing’…

Waititi: I was lucky enough they didn’t force me to acknowledge things- there were certain things in the film, like the play, which makes fun of the scene in The Dark World where Loki dies, but there’s a point to that play, sort of to recap what happened, but also to tell the audience, “This is not what you think it’s going to be, this film is not going to be a continuation of that. It’s its own thing, and what you think you expect from this film ends at this play. [“Empire Podcast Spoiler Special: Thor: Ragnarok with Taika Waititi”]

…so really, I doubt the pressured Pearson into keeping the old scripts into consideration when writing his own.

As for Thor… the guy in the first part of “Thor” was presented as someone who absolutely loved fighting for the sake of fighting, which, I think, would have made him thrilled to fight in Sakaar, hadn’t it been for the fact they wouldn’t have paid him proper respect.

However, credits when it’s due, the second part of “Thor” is all about him abandoning this mindset. There were cut scenes in Thor which even showed how Thor refused to start a fight over being called ‘princess’ by an earthling just to show he had grown up and wasn’t anymore someone who would jump at the first chance to have a fight. “Thor: The Dark World” is also about him trying to avoid involving Asgard in a fight. So in theory Thor has stopped being someone chaotic and savage by… 6 years.

(I’m trying to preted “Thor: Ragnarok - A New Story” which is a tale included in the Junior Novel at the hands of Steve Behling and that, among other things, depicted Thor as a warmongrel again, is not part of the canon.)

On the opposite side Loki has never been savage or chaotic, he’s elegant, well organized, plans forward and, unless he’s in a deep emotional storm, remains calm and controlled.

I would argue also he’s not lawless either as, although he has broken some laws, he doesn’t wish for a world with no rules. Even when in charge of Asgard he didn’t let it turn into nobody’s land but still organized and ruled it. So really, that improvisation was mostly out of nowhere.

“Thor: Ragnarok” merely decided to retcon Loki and Marvel allowed it because they wanted to kill him in “Avengers: Infinity war” without fans to make the same fuss they did in “Thor: The Dark World” that forced them to change the ending.

Not that they succeeded as fans rejected the “Avengers: Infinity war” death too, but whatever, that’s Marvel for you.

#loki #thor #thor odinson #loki odinson #ask #9 worlds study #taika waititi #mcu thor ragnarok #mcu thor #mcu thor the dark world #christopher yost #eric pearson #mcu avengers infinity war

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murasaki-murasame · 5 years ago

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With chapter 54, Ao no Flag is finally, officially over, and even though I think this finale is going to be extremely controversial in many different ways, I think I . . . kinda loved it? Mostly. There’s at least one big Thing [tm] that bugs me about it but anyway the rest of this will be under a cut because spoilers lmao.

Anyway TL;DR: it has it’s flaws, but this series is basically revolutionary when it comes to LGBT representation in shonen manga, and I think that’s worthy of respect in it’s own right. Also the physical volumes are gonna start coming out at the end of this month in English and this is basically gonna be my last chance to shill for it :)

Oh boy where do I even start with this ending, lmao. So much shit went down and a lot of people on all sides are probably gonna be upset and disappointed for one reason or another.

Just to get my main complaint out the way, I’m really not a big fan of Masumi ending up married to a man [especially one that she seems to not even really like that much]. On the one hand yes I don’t want to be biphobic about it, but on the other hand it just feels like another instance of this whole cliche of a character being set up as pretty explicitly gay, with it being made clear that they aren’t attracted to the opposite sex, but then they end up in an m/f relationship at the very end and I guess we’re meant to think they were bi all along. I feel like it does bi people a disservice to basically portray them as ‘gay people that just eventually find the right man/woman to end up in an m/f relationship with’. But it’s not really my place to talk about it one way or another. In general I just think Masumi deserved more screen-time and development to flesh out her own character growth, but one way or another it feels like this series ended a bit earlier than it was probably intended to, and I think she just got the short end of the narrative stick when it came to prioritizing which characters to focus on in the second half.

I’m also still not really a fan of how little of a voice Touma got as the series goes on, to the point of there being multiple chapters where he straight up doesn’t get any dialogue even if he’s the perspective character for most of it. At least there’s a sense of artistic intention and merit to it, but in the grand scheme of things I just wish he could have gotten to DO stuff more as the series went on.

I did at least end up liking how that set up the big ‘twist’ of this finale, though, and there’s no other way the same twist could have been pulled off, but I almost just kinda wish that the author had chosen to write this finale in an entirely different way if it meant we actually got to see Touma, lmao.

But anyway that brings us to the other big reveal that’ll probably dominate at least half of the discussions about this finale and the series as a whole, that being that not only did Taichi and Touma end up in a relationship, they’re actually married. And honestly the inner writer in me can’t help but respect how effective the set-up for it was, with us seeing everything through Touma’s eyes without anyone referring to him by name, and him writing his family name in the wedding registry thing as ‘Ichinose’, to lead the reader to think that we’re just seeing things through Taichi’s eyes as a literal cypher protagonist situation. But then you get the scene at the end where Touma meets back up with Taichi, who was at an entirely different wedding, and we get the whole final scene that paints a pretty clear picture of them being a happily married couple living together in their own house. Which also kinda has to be taken in the broader societal context of how Japan more or less still hasn’t legalized gay marriage yet, which makes the twist even more effective. And also goes to show how much of a message this is trying to send.

I think it’s 100% valid to be upset about how things ended up with Masumi, but honestly if you think that Taichi and Touma ending up together is completely out of nowhere and not set up at all then lmao get over yourselves. To be perfectly blunt I think like 90% of the people who are upset about this part of the ending are just bitter that the gay dude got to have a happy ending and wasn’t just subjected to live in single misery forever. Let’s just say that after all the gloating I saw straight people do in the last chapter about how ‘things don’t always end up happily for gay people’ and ‘this series was always about the cruel realities of life’, I feel pretty fucking vindicated now, lmao.

In general I’ve got mad respect for Kaito for pulling off the galaxy brain scheme of having a shonen romance manga where the protagonist gets a girlfriend halfway into the story, then right at the end of the penultimate chapter we find out that they broke up, and then we find out that the protagonist ended up married to his gay best friend instead. I can see why people are mad about it, but I’ve always wanted to see this sort of thing happen in a manga like this. I just wish that Masumi could have also gotten a happier ending, but oh well.

Sadly I have a feeling that the whole twist of this finale also means it’s going to be even more unlikely for them to ever make an anime adaptation of this series, even though I think it could work really nicely if they made one.

I feel like I’m gonna have to reread the series at least once now that it’s over and we know exactly what everything was building toward, since it really changes a lot of things in hindsight, especially all of the various hints about Taichi’s own feelings for Touma which I always thought was just wishful thinking on my part but now seems like genuine foreshadowing. I think even this final chapter itself might feel a bit different if I go back and reread it knowing the twist, especially with how it changes the context of Masumi’s husband talking to Touma about his relationship insecurities, and what he indirectly says about Touma and Taichi’s own relationship.

In a lot of ways I think this series was a master-class in visual storytelling, and leaving things unsaid. But unlike a lot of stories that relegate the LGBT thematic arcs to metaphors or hints or unspoken words, this lead to a really concrete ending that gives you a lot to look back on and re-examine the story with. I’m honestly a lot more willing to excuse how little of a voice Touma got as the series went on now that he actually got his happy ending, one way or another.

There’s also a lot to be said about editorial censorship and pressure to keep certain story elements unstated and implied, if not removed entirely, which has to be taken into account for pretty much everything like this. Not like it’s an excuse for everything, but we all remember stuff like the censorship and whatnot that went on behind the scenes with Yuri on Ice from the various higher-ups.

I really hope that series like this can slowly pave the way for more straightforward and explicit LGBT narratives within mainstream shonen manga, but these things take time, and for now I’ll take what I can get.

Anyway I’m at least definitely going to be buying the series in English even though I already own it all in Japanese already, lol.

#murasaki rambles #ao no flag #this series was a fucking RIDE y'all #the last few pages actually made me kinda emotional once the big twist dawned on me

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lastsonlost · 4 years ago

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Crossing the divide

Do men really have it easier? These transgender guys found the truth was more complex.

In the 1990s, the late Stanford neuroscientist Ben Barres transitioned from female to male. He was in his 40s, mid-career, and afterward he marveled at the stark changes in his professional life. Now that society saw him as male, his ideas were taken more seriously. He was able to complete a whole sentence without being interrupted by a man. A colleague who didn’t know he was transgender even praised his work as “much better than his sister’s.”

Clinics have reported an increase in people seeking medical gender transitions in recent years, and research suggests the number of people identifying as transgender has risen in the past decade. Touchstones such as Caitlyn Jenner’s transition, the bathroom controversy, and the Amazon series “Transparent” have also made the topic a bigger part of the political and cultural conversation.

But it is not always evident when someone has undergone a transition — especially if they have gone from female to male.

“The transgender guys have a relatively straightforward process — we just simply add testosterone and watch their bodies shift,” said Joshua Safer, executive director at the Center for Transgender Medicine and Surgery at Mount Sinai Health System and Icahn School of Medicine in New York. “Within six months to a year they start to virilize — getting facial hair, a ruddier complexion, a change in body odor and a deepening of the voice.”

Transgender women have more difficulty “passing”; they tend to be bigger-boned and more masculine-looking, and these things are hard to reverse with hormone treatments, Safer said. “But the transgender men will go get jobs and the new boss doesn’t even know they’re trans.��

We spoke with four men who transitioned as adults to the bodies in which they feel more comfortable. Their experiences reveal that the gulf between how society treats women and men is in many ways as wide now as it was when Barres transitioned. But their diverse backgrounds provide further insight into how race and ethnicity inform the gender divide in subtle and sometimes surprising ways.

(Their words have been lightly edited for space and clarity.)

‘I’ll never call the police again’

Trystan Cotten, 50, Berkeley, Calif.

Professor of gender studies at California State University Stanislaus and editor of Transgress Press, which publishes books related to the transgender experience. Transitioned in 2008.

Life doesn’t get easier as an African American male. The way that police officers deal with me, the way that racism undermines my ability to feel safe in the world, affects my mobility, affects where I go. Other African American and Latino Americans grew up as boys and were taught to deal with that at an earlier age. I had to learn from my black and brown brothers about how to stay alive in my new body and retain some dignity while being demeaned by the cops.

One night somebody crashed a car into my neighbor’s house, and I called 911. I walk out to talk to the police officer, and he pulls a gun on me and says, “Stop! Stop! Get on the ground!” I turn around to see if there’s someone behind me, and he goes, “You! You! Get on the ground!” I’m in pajamas and barefoot. I get on the ground and he checks me, and afterward I said, “What was that all about?” He said, “You were moving kind of funny.” Later, people told me, “Man, you’re crazy. You never call the police.”

I get pulled over a lot more now. I GOT PULLED OVER MORE IN THE FIRST TWO YEARS AFTER MY TRANSITION THAN I DID THE ENTIRE 20 YEARS I WAS DRIVING BEFORE THAT.

Before, when I’d been stopped, even for real violations like driving 100 miles an hour, I got off. In fact, when it happened in Atlanta the officer and I got into a great conversation about the Braves. Now the first two questions they ask are: Do I have any weapons in the car, and am I on parole or probation?

Being a black man has changed the way I move in the world.

I used to walk quickly or run to catch a bus. Now I walk at a slower pace, and if I’m late I don’t dare rush. I am hyper-aware of making sudden or abrupt movements, especially in airports, train stations and other public places. I avoid engaging with unfamiliar white folks, especially white women. If they catch my eye, white women usually clutch their purses and cross the street. While I love urban aesthetics, I stopped wearing hoodies and traded my baggy jeans, oversized jerseys and colorful skullcaps for closefitting jeans, khakis and sweaters. These changes blunt assumptions that I’m going to snatch purses or merchandise, or jump the subway turnstile. The less visible I am, the better my chances of surviving.

But it’s not foolproof. I’m an academic sitting at a desk so I exercise where I can. I walked to the post office to mail some books and I put on this 40-pound weight vest that I walk around in. It was about 3 or 4 in the afternoon and I’m walking back and all of a sudden police officers drove up, got out of their car, and stopped. I had my earphones on so I didn’t know they were talking to me. I looked up and there’s a helicopter above. And now I can kind of see why people run, because you might live if you run, even if you haven’t done anything. This was in Emeryville, one of the wealthiest enclaves in Northern California, where there’s security galore. Someone had seen me walking to the post office and called in and said they saw a Muslim with an explosives vest. One cop, a white guy, picked it up and laughed and said, “Oh, I think I know what this is. This is a weight belt.”

It’s not only humiliating, but it creates anxiety on a daily basis. Before, I used to feel safe going up to a police officer if I was lost or needed directions. But I don’t do that anymore. I hike a lot, and if I’m out hiking and I see a dead body, I’ll keep on walking. I’ll never call the police again.

‘It now feels as though I am on my own’

Zander Keig, 52, San Diego

Coast Guard veteran. Works at Naval Medical Center San Diego as a clinical social work case manager. Editor of anthologies about transgender men. Started transition in 2005.

Prior to my transition, I was an outspoken radical feminist. I spoke up often, loudly and with confidence.

I was encouraged to speak up. I was given awards for my efforts, literally — it was like, “Oh, yeah, speak up, speak out.” When I speak up now, I am often given the direct or indirect message that I am “mansplaining,” “taking up too much space” or “asserting my white male heterosexual privilege.” Never mind that I am a first-generation Mexican American, a transsexual man, and married to the same woman I was with prior to my transition.

I find the assertion that I am now unable to speak out on issues I find important offensive and I refuse to allow anyone to silence me. My ability to empathize has grown exponentially, because I now factor men into my thinking and feeling about situations.

Prior to my transition, I rarely considered how men experienced life or what they thought, wanted or liked about their lives.

I have learned so much about the lives of men through my friendships with men, reading books and articles by and for men and through the men I serve as a licensed clinical social worker.

Social work is generally considered to be “female dominated,” with women making up about 80 percent of the profession in the United States. Currently I work exclusively with clinical nurse case managers, but in my previous position, as a medical social worker working with chronically homeless military veterans — mostly male — who were grappling with substance use disorder and severe mental illness, I was one of a few men among dozens of women.

Plenty of research shows that life events, medical conditions and family circumstances impact men and women differently. But when I would suggest that patient behavioral issues like anger or violence may be a symptom of trauma or depression, it would often get dismissed or outright challenged. The overarching theme was “men are violent” and there was “no excuse” for their actions.

I do notice that some women do expect me to acquiesce or concede to them more now: Let them speak first, let them board the bus first, let them sit down first, and so on. I also notice that in public spaces men are more collegial with me, which they express through verbal and nonverbal messages: head lifting when passing me on the sidewalk and using terms like “brother” and “boss man” to acknowledge me. As a former lesbian feminist, I was put off by the way that some women want to be treated by me, now that I am a man, because it violates a foundational belief I carry, which is that women are fully capable human beings who do not need men to acquiesce or concede to them.

What continues to strike me is the significant reduction in friendliness and kindness now extended to me in public spaces. It now feels as though I am on my own: No one, outside of family and close friends, is paying any attention to my well-being.

I can recall a moment where this difference hit home. A couple of years into my medical gender transition, I was traveling on a public bus early one weekend morning. There were six people on the bus, including me. One was a woman. She was talking on a mobile phone very loudly and remarked that “men are such a–holes.” I immediately looked up at her and then around at the other men. Not one had lifted his head to look at the woman or anyone else. The woman saw me look at her and then commented to the person she was speaking with about “some a–hole on the bus right now looking at me.” I was stunned, because I recall being in similar situations, but in the reverse, many times: A man would say or do something deemed obnoxious or offensive, and I would find solidarity with the women around me as we made eye contact, rolled our eyes and maybe even commented out loud on the situation. I’m not sure I understand why the men did not respond, but it made a lasting impression on me.

‘I took control of my career’

Chris Edwards, 49, Boston

Advertising creative director, public speaker and author of the memoir “Balls: It Takes Some to Get Some.” Transitioned in his mid-20s.

When I began my transition at age 26, a lot of my socialization came from the guys at work. For example, as a woman, I’d walk down the hall and bump into some of my female co-workers, and they’d say, “Hey, what’s up?” and I’d say, “Oh, I just got out of this client meeting. They killed all my scripts and now I have to go back and rewrite everything, blah blah blah. What’s up with you?” and then they’d tell me their stories. As a guy, I bump into a guy in the hall and he says, “What’s up?” and I launch into a story about my day and he’s already down the hall. And I’m thinking, well, that’s rude. So, I think, okay, well, I guess guys don’t really share, so next time I’ll keep it brief. By the third time, I realized you just nod.

The creative department is largely male, and the guys accepted me into the club. I learned by example and modeled my professional behavior accordingly. For example, I kept noticing that if guys wanted an assignment they’d just ask for it. If they wanted a raise or a promotion they’d ask for it. This was a foreign concept to me. As a woman, I never felt that it was polite to do that or that I had the power to do that. But after seeing it happen all around me I decided that if I felt I deserved something I was going to ask for it too. By doing that, I took control of my career. It was very empowering.

Apparently, people were only holding the door for me because I was a woman rather than out of common courtesy as I had assumed. Not just men, women too. I learned this the first time I left the house presenting as male, when a woman entered a department store in front of me and just let the door swing shut behind her. I was so caught off guard I walked into it face first.

When you’re socially transitioning, you want to blend in, not stand out, so it’s uncomfortable when little reminders pop up that you’re not like everybody else. I’m expected to know everything about sports. I like sports but I’m not in deep like a lot of guys. For example, I love watching football, but I never played the sport (wasn’t an option for girls back in my day) so there is a lot I don’t know. I remember the first time I was in a wedding as a groomsman. I was maybe three years into my transition and I was lined up for photos with all the other guys. And one of them shouted, “High school football pose!” and on cue everybody dropped down and squatted like the offensive line, and I was like, what the hell is going on? It was not instinctive to me since I never played. I tried to mirror what everyone was doing, but when you see the picture I’m kind of “offsides,” so to speak.

The hormones made me more impatient. I had lots of female friends and one of the qualities they loved about me was that I was a great listener. After being on testosterone, they informed me that my listening skills weren’t what they used to be. Here’s an example: I’m driving with one of my best friends, Beth, and I ask her “Is your sister meeting us for dinner?” Ten minutes later she’s still talking and I still have no idea if her sister is coming. So finally, I couldn’t take it anymore, and I snapped and said, “IS SHE COMING OR NOT?” And Beth was like, “You know, you used to like hearing all the backstory and how I’d get around to the answer. A lot of us have noticed you’ve become very impatient lately and we think it’s that damn testosterone!” It’s definitely true that some male behavior is governed by hormones. Instead of listening to a woman’s problem and being empathetic and nodding along, I would do the stereotypical guy thing — interrupt and provide a solution to cut the conversation short and move on. I’m trying to be better about this.

People ask if being a man made me more successful in my career. My answer is yes — but not for the reason you might think. As a man, I was finally comfortable in my own skin and that made me more confident. At work I noticed I was more direct: getting to the point, not apologizing before I said anything or tiptoeing around and trying to be delicate like I used to do. In meetings, I was more outspoken. I stopped posing my thoughts as questions. I’d say what I meant and what I wanted to happen instead of dropping hints and hoping people would read between the lines and pick up on what I really wanted. I was no longer shy about stating my opinions or defending my work. When I gave presentations I was brighter, funnier, more engaging. Not because I was a man. Because I was happy.

‘People assume I know the answer’

Alex Poon, 26, Boston

Project manager for Wayfair, an online home goods company. Alex is in the process of his physical transition; he did the chest surgery after college and started taking testosterone this spring.

Traditional Chinese culture is about conforming to your elders’ wishes and staying within gender boundaries. However, I grew up in the U.S., where I could explore my individuality and my own gender identity. When I was 15 I was attending an all-girls high school where we had to wear skirts, but I felt different from my peers. Around that point we began living with my Chinese grandfather towards the end of his life. He was so traditional and deeply set in his ways. I felt like I couldn’t cut my hair or dress how I wanted because I was afraid to upset him and have our last memories of each other be ruined.

Genetics are not in my favor for growing a lumberjack-style beard. Sometimes, Chinese faces are seen as “soft” with less defined jaw lines and a lack of facial fair. I worry that some of my feminine features like my “soft face” will make it hard to present as a masculine man, which is how I see myself. Instead, when people meet me for the first time, I’m often read as an effeminate man.

My voice has started cracking and becoming lower. Recently, I’ve been noticing the difference between being perceived as a woman versus being perceived as a man. I’ve been wondering how I can strike the right balance between remembering how it feels to be silenced and talked over with the privileges that come along with being perceived as a man. Now, when I lead meetings, I purposefully create pauses and moments where I try to draw others into the conversation and make space for everyone to contribute and ask questions.

People now assume I have logic, advice and seniority. They look at me and assume I know the answer, even when I don’t. I’ve been in meetings where everyone else in the room was a woman and more senior, yet I still got asked, “Alex, what do you think? We thought you would know.” I was at an all-team meeting with 40 people, and I was recognized by name for my team’s accomplishments. Whereas next to me, there was another successful team led by a woman, but she was never mentioned by name. I went up to her afterward and said, “Wow, that was not cool; your team actually did more than my team.” The stark difference made me feel uncomfortable and brought back feelings of when I had been in the same boat and not been given credit for my work.

When people thought I was a woman, they often gave me vague or roundabout answers when I asked a question. I’ve even had someone tell me, “If you just Googled it, you would know.” But now that I’m read as a man, I’ve found people give me direct and clear answers, even if it means they have to do some research on their own before getting back to me.

A part of me regrets not sharing with my grandfather who I truly am before he passed away. I wonder how our relationship might have been different if he had known this one piece about me and had still accepted me as his grandson. Traditionally, Chinese culture sees men as more valuable than women. Before, I was the youngest granddaughter, so the least important. Now, I’m the oldest grandson. I think about how he might have had different expectations or tried to instill certain traditional Chinese principles upon me more deeply, such as caring more about my grades or taking care of my siblings and elders. Though he never viewed me as a man, I ended up doing these things anyway.

Zander Keig contributed to this article in his personal capacity. The opinions expressed in this are the author’s own and do not reflect the view of the Department of Defense.

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Old story worth a repost SOURCE

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rosesnink · 4 years ago

Text

The Viscountess, Chapter 1: Primadonna Girl

A/N: I finally publish some other stuff! Whew! This chapter will be a rollercoaster, indeed. Hope you guys enjoy it!

Summary: Nicole settles in London, Anne makes some friends and finally talk about who Alaric Donovan was once.

Word Count: 5519

It was the first day of school and Nicole was packing everything for Anne. She was already dressed with a light brown hair that matched her leather boots and her hat. She knelt down to kiss her and walked towards the bus station, where the bus would pick her up.

“Don’t worry, honey. I’m sure someone will want to sit with you. Look at your pretty face!” She beamed and her daughter smiled.

When the bus came, she kissed her mother goodbye and went up, showing the driver her card and noticed that everyone was staring at her. She gave them a polite smile and headed to find a new seat. Some girls whispered while the boys watched her intently and she blushed crimson. The only boys she has interacted with was her younger cousins Edmund and Matthew, Uncle Harry’s boys. A blonde girl with pretty blue eyes waved at her and motioned her to sit with them. She did and the girl talked “You must be the new girl. I’m Liz and these are my friends Jenna, Josie, Tamara and Jean. You are…?”.

“Anne” She mumbled shyly.

“How cute, she’s shy!” Josie beamed. Then she cleared her throat “No offense though. I said it in a good way”.

“I love your hair!” Jean commented.

“That young woman is your mom? She’s so pretty!”.

“I bet her father is even more handsome”.

“MY FATHER IS DEAD!” She snapped of all sudden, almost jolting.

The other girls looked at her, and well, the whole bus. She blushed violently as she hid her head. Liz squeezed her hand “I’m sorry we overwhelmed you like that. We just wanted to get to know you”.

“I know. I guess I am…”.

“A bit introverted? Don’t worry, we get it. We don’t have to talk, just listen to music. You like Beyoncé?”.

“Yes, but I am more into Madonna” She smiled, finally a topic that she liked.

“Guess we can mix up their best hits”.

A few days before…

Nicole stood there for a second before clearing her throat and extending her hand “I guess it’s a pleasure to meet you”.

He broke off his trance as he shook hands with her “It is nice to meet you, indeed”.

They both stared for a moment before clearing their throats and sitting on opposite sides. Bart looked intently, analysing the situation before Hamid spoke up, saving them from the awkwardness created “Well, Nicole, tell us about you! What part of England are you from?”.

“I was actually born in here, in London. Both my parents raised me in here, but I moved all over England when I met my boyfriend, who years after became my husband, Alaric”.

“Oh! You’re… married” Luke commented, his expression sour.

“I’m a widow, actually. My Alaric died when Anne was 2. Car accident, said the police” She commented, a familiar pain on her chest. Everyone went silent before Annabelle placed her hand on hers and said

“I’m sorry for your loss, honey. If you wanna talk about it…”.

“Oh, I don’t want to bother you…”.

“You don’t” Ernest said, surprising the whole table “We won’t judge you, Nicole. If you wish to speak about it, I assure you that we will listen”.

“Sinclaire is right. It’s okay to talk about your feelings. The more you talk about it, the easier the pain becomes, or that is what my therapist says” Hamid tried to cheer her up.

“It’s… I haven’t talked about him since the funeral. And it was 6 years ago”.

“Take your time, love. You have a few hours until you pick up your little girl again” Yusuf encouraged.

She nodded as she started to talk “I was so young when I married him. I was only 19 and so excited to live a married life worthy of a princess’ tale. He was a good husband, so doting and dedicated, and later an even better father” She chuckled “A year later, I found out I was pregnant. It was perfect. In that moment, we had almost a decade together behind us. He was so excited when I told him we’d have a girl. He always wanted to have a daughter, because he grew up with only men in his life and was kind of tired of them. We decided, after months of arguments, to call her Anne, like Anne Boleyn. After all, this controversial queen united us in a project together in the uni. When he had to get back to work, I had to literally kick him out of the house, because he refused to leave his little princess!” Everyone chuckled “But soon, reality hit me like a truck. His abusive mother claimed a part in his life, even if she loathed me and the child. She destroyed him, made us move towns even after Anne was diagnosed… Then, a year later, he died. Unfairly and because some… drunk didn’t have responsibility in the road! He—” She inhaled “He was about to tell me something important. Life-changing, perhaps. But I’ll never know. Since then, I moved back to London and tried to be my own woman and make my own name rather than Alaric’s widow. It wasn’t easy. It’s still difficult. But my… our Anne is worth everything. I tried to give her all my love so she doesn’t even notice she needs a father, and we’re fine. We are. I miss him everyday and there’s no day I don’t wish he were here, but I know he’d want me to live my life. To be strong, independent and brave, even if some nights I’m fucking terrified” She sobbed on that last one as Annabelle and Bart comforted her.

“Hey, for what is worth, you’re still here, you have a job and your daughter is in the best school she could ask for, with people who understand her. I can tell he’s proud of you. You’ve been very strong and did an outstanding job with your little girl” Hamid beamed.

“Thank you… for the company, the food and listening to a poor woman like me. Really”.

“You needn’t thank us. We wanted you at this table with all of it and get to know you. Thank you for opening up to us” Said Luke.

She nodded as she wiped the tears off her face and smiled weakly at the so nice group. They stood there, in an actually comfortable silence before Sinclaire spoke up, directly at Nicole “If I may offer advice as a father of a young girl, it’s that you tell her about her father. Who he was. How much he loved you and your daughter. Kids are curious by nature, just as insatiable of information and new answers and adventures. They seek all the truths of the world, even if us adults are scared of finding out. Your daughter is in that age of having a mental image of her parents, thinking that they were soulmates. Even if it hurts, she deserves to know who is her missing progenitor. There’s nothing wrong of showing your emotions to them, for they’re still too pure to judge you. They are capable of loving everyone, even the worst kind of people, even if sometimes we’re not worthy of their unconditional love. And I always try to let know my daughter how much I love her, even without her mother so present in her life”.

She looked at him with a softened expression “I will think about this. Thank you for the advice”.

He nodded, their eyes connecting before they both looked away, flushing pink and paying attention elsewhere.

They spent the rest of the time talking about many stupid things and even she got to know more about her new friends: Bart and Yusuf were parents of an adopted boy, Miran, a refugee orphan who lost his parents to the jihadists and went to Anne’s class. Luke was a mechanic who was childless, but happy and complete. Annabelle was an aspiring artist and was looking forward having a child of her own. Nicole offered her to advise her with kids and provide her all the things she would’ve loved to know when she was pregnant herself. And Hamid was a diplomat who loved travelling around and was now in England in some business. She soon discovered that he knew her father, the Earl of Edgewater and Sinclaire was one of his associates and closest friend. She couldn’t believe it!

As if it were magic, she got a call from her father. She giggled as she put the phone in hands-free.

“Hello, Nicole! Do I get you busy?” He asked and she muffled a giggle.

“Nope. You get me in a perfect time. Guess who’s with me. Say hello, guys!”.

“Hello, Mr. Foredale! Hamid Osmanoglu here!” Hamid saluted.

“Ernest here. How are you doing, old friend?”.

“I-I-I-I” he sounded astonished “Nicole, how did you meet them? What is happening?” He was in shock.

“A common friend introduced them to their group. Some of them work in Anne’s new school and others are in the neighbourhood” She explained.

It was silent for a moment before her father barked a laugh!

“Oh, god, and here I was, hoping to introduce you to them myself! You’re taking good care of my daughter, nay?” he asked, a bit teasing.

“Of course, my lord”.

“Your daughter is an absolute delight to have!” Hamid winked at her and she rolled her eyes.

“Credit that to her mother. She inherited her charm” He beamed.

“So, what is going on, Father? Everything okay at Edgewater?” Nicole asked.

“Everything is fine. I just wanted to tell you that I’d love to have little Anne for the weekend, if it’s alright. And one more thing! Briar heard that you’re back in London and wants to meet you. I’ll send you her number”.

“I’ve missed that mess of a girl. Anything else?”.

“No. Enjoy your day, honey. I’ve gotta go to work. Bye, everyone!”.

She hung up as she looked for a small moment to her new friends before bursting into a fit of laughter, feeling so light and young, she forgot she was about to be 30 in a month’s time. Everyone looked at her as she shook her head, sighing.

“What is that laugh about?”.

“I never felt so… young in years” She said, a beaming smile on her face.

After class, Anne and Nicole were taking a walk when someone screeched her name. She turned around and saw her: brown skin, blue eyes, her hair into a bun and with a girl younger than Anne: Briar. Her Briar.

“Nicole! NICOLE DONOVAN!!!” She screamed at the top of her lungs.

Nicole smiled and squealed as she lunged forward her friend, hugging each other so hard they fell on the floor, giggling while the girls covered their eyes, now embarrassed by their respective mother’s actions. The women squealed as they kissed each other on the cheek and hugged each other hard.

“Girl, look at you! You don’t seem to have 29 years!”.

“Um, can we talk about the fact that you still look like you’re 22? What is your secret?!”.

“I made a deal with Satan” She winked.

Both women laughed as their kids sighed, knowing what would come up now.

“We haven’t seen you since—”.

“I know. But let’s not talk about it. How have you been?” She asked, a broad smile on her face. She truly missed Briar.

“Amazing, especially since my baby girl was born. Right, Liz?” She beamed at her daughter.

The little girl gave a familiar resemblance: bright blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, pink cheeks and full lips “Hi.” She greeted timidly.

“She reminds me of—”.

“Your brother Edmund? Oh, I know. He is the father.”

“He what?!”.

Anne squeezed her arm in reminder that they were in the middle of the street. Nicole flushed, leading her friend and her daughter somewhere safer to talk. They found their favourite park and sat there, taking in the information. Nicole took a deep breath “How did this happen? How long? Is this the reason of why you never called me?”.

“Yes, well… I was still embarrassed by the pact we made long ago and when I found out I was pregnant and made my calculus… I couldn’t believe it. I told him and you were… Liz, why don’t you go play that awesome game Daddy taught you with cousin Anne?” Both girls nodded as they ran towards the trees, giggling. Briar sighed “Well, you were in a bad place with Alaric, Anne was a delicate toddler… I thought you didn’t have time.”

Nicole pouted as she took her friend’s hands in hers and said earnestly “No matter what, I will always have time for you, I will always be there and accept you, okay?”.

Briar nodded as she hugged her tightly, leaving Nicole breathless, but she didn’t mind. They separated and Briar said “Great. Because when I found out you and Anne were back in London, I couldn’t believe it! Your father was ecstatic with the news and told everyone tipsy over a dinner of his. Besides, there’s a motive why I wanted you here, this year, this day, now more than ever.”

“What is it? Tell me!”.

Briar bit her lip and giggled “Edmund and I are getting married!” Both women squealed “And you will be my Maid of Honour! It’s not a suggestion, it’s an order. You, Nicole Maria Donovan, will walk me down the aisle even if I have to drag your big ass over the chapel!” She jabbed playfully her red gel nail on her chest. Nicole giggled before squealing and hugging her best friend.

“I’m so happy for you, Bri. You haven’t been this happy since you lost your virginity at the age of 15 with Jackson Daniels.” She teased as Briar feigned offence and smacked her shoulder. Both women laughed again, gaining the attention of their princesses “Now, I need to know: how is Edmund as a father?”.

“Oh, so cute and yet awkward. If Elizabeth is giggling with some boy he asks her if she’s in love with him and he is so messy! But he’s a great father, awkwardness and all.”

“I’m glad to hear that, because if he’s not, I’ll hire a paid assassin.” Nicole teased again.

“So, how does the single mom life treat you?” Briar asked, nosy as ever.

Nicole frowned and sighed “It’s tough. I’m still getting used on not waking up with someone beside me or being kissed and held...”.

Briar’s eyes twinkled “And do you ever get laid?”.

“Briar!” Nicole scolded her.

“Come on! You’re a widow who I recall was sexually active and rather good. Did you ever got laid after Alaric?”.

Nicole bit her lip, sighing as she weighed if to tell her or not… and flushed as she nodded, stuttering “It-it was just once! I was so lonely and in need of some love… So, I saw this cute guy who just turned 21… he taught Hispanic Literature and oh boy.” Both women cackled loudly, making some elderly women whisper annoyed “But after that, never again. I felt like I was insulting Alaric. It had only been five months and I was spiralling, it was never a good idea.”

“…Did you enjoy it, though?”.

“Briar, for the love of God!” Nicole shrieked. Then, she approached her flushed “But we might had five rounds then. There, happy?!” She pushed her friend as she screamed in victory and chanted I Knew It.

“Mom! Stop being so clingy!” Lizzy whined.

“Talk to me again like that and I’ll ground you, young woman!”.

Nicole and Anne laughed as the afternoon passed by and they both observed that it was about to start raining. Nicole led the women to her house, just a few miles away of the park.

“Wait, you also have a house in London!”.

“Yeah, since I started college!”.

They both giggled as they stopped on her door, the rain dripping rather violently and she threw the door wide open, gathering the group inside. The women giggled as she sent both girls to take a shower and leave the adults to talk. Briar seemed still different, a bit paler and dizzy. When Nicole mentioned her some bacon, she knew it.

“Come, I’ll show you my room.”

“Why, I’m flattered but I’m married.” Briar teased.

Nicole laughed loudly as they both stumbled and Nicole lent her some of her clothes she hadn’t used for years now. Probably since high school. As Briar undressed her chest, she also observed how delicate she was with her breasts, now a bit bigger due to pregnancy and Nicole knew what to do. She went to the bathroom and caught the test and the small bottle and handed it to Briar. She sighed after a minute of silence “I guess I cannot hide anything from someone who used to be pregnant, eh? How did you still have these anyways?”.

“A token. To remind myself of that night.”

Briar sighed as she went to the bathroom and did the whole process. Nicole awaited, even when little Lizzy was nosy, she told her not to put too much pressure in her.

Briar emerged from the bathroom. She took a deep breath and saw the result “Oh my God!”.

On Sunday morning, little Anne was already trotting all over the house, giggling as she played with her imaginary friends and her beloved dolls. She remembered that afternoon at the bar she now frequented on her free time

“So… how are you settling on London so far?” Annabelle asked while sipping her tea.

“I’m good so far! I haven’t been here since 2009.”

“Wait, you say you haven’t stepped a foot on London for eleven years?!” Bart gasped.

“Well… I can hardly blame her. This town can be overwhelming and problematic. I still remember when my ex-wife insisted on completing her pregnancy anywhere but London.” Ernest defended Nicole.

“So that’s why Isabelle was born in the hospital of Calais?” Yusuf asked.

He nodded. Annabelle whispered to her that since she opened up about her husband, Ernest was more open about his ex-wife, the former French model of Vogue Roselyn D’Oleur, now Mrs. Richards, Ernest’s fatal enemy.

“Ernest, if it’s not too much to ask… may I see a photo of your girl?” Nicole asked sheepishly.

Ernest nodded with a beaming smile. For what she’s heard, he was a very devoted father and adored his little girl “Here. This one is my Isabelle, although I call her Izzy.”

Nicole studied her before breaking into a smile “This is the girl that defended Anne when some wankers mocked her disability!” She beamed.

Ernest chuckled, amused “Yes, well, Isabelle has a sense of justice. I had to get her out of trouble because she’d always get into fights with bullies. She inherited that from my father.”

“She’s very lovely, and that nose is so adorable!” She flushed pink “Crap, that made sense in my head.”

Ernest gave her a small, reassuring smile “Don’t worry, everyone says the same. I admit she got her mother’s beauty features.”

There was some shadow on his face, like remembering his ex-wife meant pain and she decided to move the subject to London again “So, I haven’t seen much of London and it’s been a decade since I was even there. What do you recommend me to see with Anne?”.

Hamid beamed “I’ve been visiting London for almost already twelve years and I believe myself bold enough to know it as well as a local. Maybe I can give you and your delightful girl a tour to places I am sure she’d enjoy.” He offered.

“That’s so kind and sweet of you, but, isn’t it Parliament season?”.

Hamid chuckled “I am sure these old men can wait some minutes.”

“We don’t really want to bother you…”.

“Please! It’d be my greatest honour to show you and your little girl the beauty of the city. Surely you wouldn’t break my heart by rejecting my proposal?”.

Nicole froze for a few moments. She was sure the man would be delighted by Anne’s company, but this was the first time in years she’d be alone with a man since Alaric died. Not for sex like other times, but in a personal way. In a deep way. She swallowed, mulling over her options and smiled, trying to hide her insecurities “Sure, I’d love to. Especially if it involves Anne seeing a bit of the city she’ll grow up.”

Hamid seemed to perceive her fears and placed a hand on her shoulder “Nicole, I was simply suggesting it. You don’t have to accept if you still don’t feel comfortable, you know? There’s nothing wrong with grief. I will wait for when you’re truly ready, we have a whole year before us.”

She released the ball of tension on her shoulders and frowned “It’s just… I need to speak it to Anne. She is used to be with me only and since she’s an only child the ‘sharing’ things isn’t her forte and her disability… it’s something I must know if she’s comfortable with or not.”

“Don’t worry, Nicole. I will await your answer and please, take the time you need. I understand how difficult is for an autist to change the routine.”

“Thank you for understanding. Many people will sigh and say ‘Autism Sucks’ instead of understanding that this is something we both live with.”

Hamid nodded, then broke into a broad grin “Until then, may I buy you a drink? You look like you could use it.”

It was today. Today was officially Alaric’s birthday. Every day, since he died, Nicole would ask her father to take care of Anne while she brought half a factory of ice-cream, chocolate and whipped cream while she watched his tapes from 1985 to a year before he died. She’d cry a river and regret not giving Anne the father she deserved to have. The closest thing to a father she had was her grandfather, but he was getting old and his time was up. There were things he couldn’t do due to his old age and her uncles had to intervene.

But today she wouldn’t get through it alone. She called Anne, who was watching Doraemon and sat her on her lap.

“What is it, Mama?” She asked, a bit concerned on her mum’s saddened face “Why are you sad?”.

“Because today…” She swallowed hard “today is your father’s birthday.”

Anne looked at him quizzically “How old would he be?”.

Nicole smiled weakly “Thirty-four.”

“You never talk about Dad with me. Why today?”.

“Because, beanie, it’s time you learn about who he was. Who was Alaric Donovan, what kind of father he was and wanted to be for you, his passions, his failures… I want you to meet your Dad earnestly.”

Anne didn’t need to say more before she hugged her mom and asked her to bring some sweets she bought for them both and even some homemade cookies. They sat in front of the TV and an image from December 1995 appeared. Nicole smiled, remembering that night very well. It was a family reunion and Nicole was 5 while Alaric was 8.

“Look, Mum, how huge your friend’s tree is!”.

A man chuckled before his camera pointed at him. Her father, Vincent, looking younger and beaming “Thank you, Alaric, but that is all my beloved Mary’s work.”

“Look, that’s grandfather!” Anne beamed “He’s not grey and old!”.

“Your grandfather was known to be immensely handsome and admired by all the girls in the country.”

“So grandfather was some kind of Casanova?” Anne asked, making Nicole laugh.

“Alaric, turn off that demonic thing! Dinner is served!” His mother scolded him. Nicole grimaced at the woman.

“That’s grandma.”

“One sec, mom, I want to film something really quick!”.

“I said leave the camera, boy!” The father grabbed the camera and the image went grey.

“That is my other grandpa?” Anne asked.

“Sadly, he is.”

“He’s, um…”.

“A jerk? Yeah, he is.” Nicole played with Anne’s locks “That was the night your dad and I met for the first time. At the time I was young, your age in fact and we talked a lot during that night until bedtime.”

“There’s more?” Anne asked.

Nicole nodded and pointed at the screen with the title March 2005. On screen, an 18 years-old Alaric started to explain while his friend sang a song aloud on his old car how he’d ask Nicole to be his girlfriend with her favourite chocolates and song with an enormous cassette of the year.

“That’s the thing you listened to music?” Anne asked, wide-eyed.

Nicole nodded, laughing “Yeah! The millennium barely started, so we weren’t as advanced as we are now. We had a long, long way.”

They both observed how Alaric’s friend recorded how he played with the big cassette her favourite song, sk8r boy by Avril Lavigne. A young Nicole observed from the window wide-eyed and with the mouth on the floor how he asked her to be his girlfriend. Nicole squealed and in a short moment later, she was running towards Alaric and he hugged her, lifting her up and spinning her around, making her giggle. Anne giggled “Dad was such a romantic!”.

Nicole beamed “Yeah, he was. A hopeless romantic.” She gasped at the date: July of 2007 “This is our trip to France! I was 17 and your father was 20. I still remember kissing him on the Eiffel Tower.”

“That’s gross and romantic at the same time.” Anne commented, grimacing. Nicole giggled.

“One day, you will fall in love and will understand what it feels like.”

“Eww, no thank you.”

Nicole laughed while they observed how Alaric filmed a still young Nicole gasping at the views and giggling, stopping to make photos with a massive camera and showing it to Alaric. Later, it showed a dinner of them both on a restaurant buffet, Nicole laughing while filming Alaric struggling to eat the escargots. Anne giggled at seeing her father struggling with some snails and commented how clumsy he was. The tape ended with him sending flying the said escargot to a rather big lady who before she started to yell at them, they quickly turned off the camera. Anne and Nicole laughed at the comical scene.

“How did you even sleep that night?! That lady seemed pissed.”

“We got banished from the restaurant for a day and we had to eat at McDonald’s. It was too embarrassing to come back there and it was the first time I saw your father so flustered!”.

“Poor dad.”

“I’m sure he’d be laughing with us while he comments what he was feeling in that moment.”

“He seemed funny!”.

“He had his moments as a comedian, yes.”

They kept watching some of the tapes, sometimes in Edgewater, sometimes on his house, singing carols in Christmas or carpooling at the car, pranking on the neighbours and going on dates of that year.

Finally, they got on Nicole’s most awaited tape: May 2010.

It was sunny, a perfect day. Alaric and Nicole walked hand on hand through the streets of Bath when Alaric stopped her.

“Nicole, I love you.” Nicole was wide eyed “For the moment I saw you, I was enthralled by you and I had eyes for no other. I know we are young, maybe too young, but I want you in my life. I want to travel with you, be your Earl, your king and maybe, if you’re up to it, be the father of your children.” He dropped on one knee in that blossoming park and showed a ring, a promise of his unyielding love “Nicole Foredale-Mills, will you marry me?”.

Nicole started to cry of emotion, screaming yes over and over and kissed him, everyone on the park clapping as her father appeared, a beaming smile on his face and hugging her and then Alaric. Her grandmother, who died seven years ago now, beamed as she started to plan the wedding, how long they’d be engaged and how it’d be celebrated.

Nicole seized her opportunity to fish the album and showed Anne her wedding photos. She was wearing one of the most expensive wedding dresses, princess size. The tailor was Ana De Luca and it was glittery and off shoulders. It was held in the same chapel Princess Diana got married and the Queen of England was there. Anne went crazy when she told her that her grandmother was friends with the Queen and every noble of England attended to see the young viscountess get married to a humble man. It was an emotive wedding where the vows were for tearing up and her father looked regal. Nicole showed her a photo of the Queen Elizabeth congratulating the newlyweds personally and the slow dance.

A few months later, on March 2011, Nicole held Anne on her arms, small, chubby and sleepy. While Grandpa Vincent recorded everything while Nicole passed baby Anne to a teary Alaric, who cried silently while watching her move her body and yawn “My baby girl. I love her so much already. You’re gonna be so loved, beanie. I promise I will be the greatest dad for you, honeybun.”

Nicole teared up at the part and Anne asked why they cried.

“Because we were so happy over you being brought to the world and you were simply perfect. You are perfect and he loved you so much.” Anne hugged her and saw the rest of the videos:

Alaric playing and teasing baby Anne, clapping and beaming when Anne accomplished something and dressing her up like a 1500s baby… Anne payed attention to it, commenting about it and even giggling every time she threw him food to his face. He was always such a great dad…

“Mom… do you think he’d love me even if I am who I am?”.

“Oh honey… he adored you! You were his everything and he would’ve given everything to make you feel good with yourself. He loved being your father.”

Anne yawned, signal that it was time to go to sleep. She quickly put her to sleep, kissing her goodnight and went upstairs, where in her box there was a letter to an 18 years old Anne. She opened it and started to read it.

To my princess Anne,

Today is your second birthday and I couldn’t be happier. But I am afraid this one will be our last birthday together.

I’ve made a discovery that it could ruin us entirely. I have this aggressive cancer that is killing me slowly. The doctors say that when you’re probably eight, I’ll die slowly and painfully. I have fought in vain to seek a solution, but there is no way back. I don’t want you to grow up with a sick father. I want you to remember me as I was and I am sure that your mother will do a great job with that. And by then, I will be a faint memory of yours, which is probably for the best.

I don’t want to be a burden to you, my beautiful princess. I was supposed to take care of you, not upside down. I know you may think of me a coward, do it. I will not blame you. But this is the only way. Maybe you’re better off without me. Maybe it’s for the best. I don’t know, but you will have all you want. And remember me, my girl, because as long as you remember who I am, I am not entirely dead and everything I have done and lived for isn’t in vain.

I have written down everything in the copy of your birth certificate that I want you and your mom to do once I am gone. If I die now, your mother will inherit my money and will be elegible to be a noblewoman again. I want you to have the best of the best, even if that means me being gone.

This doesn’t mean that I don’t love you, beanie, because I do. I love you so much I think it might kill me. Your mother is my heart and you’re my greatest love and weakness. That is why I must do right by you.

So promise me this: promise me that when we reunite, you will have amazing stories to tell. Make art, stories. Have incredible adventures. Find love. And always be your unapologetically yourself. Because every time you do, you show the best in me.

One more thing: tell your mom that I still wait for that song she made for me.

Love you forever,

Your father.

Nicole’s world stopped. She fell on her knees as she unconsciously called that person her heart knew it’d ease her pain. With her trembling hands, she pressed the button call and the voice answered “Nicole?”.

“I—I know it’s late and you must be tired, but I could use your company right now.”

“…Tell me what you need.”

#playchoices fanfiction #desire and decorum #desire and decorum au #the viscountess #oc: nicole donovan #ernest sinclaire #prince hamid #luke harper #briar daly #bartholomew chambers #annabelle parsons #oc: anne donovan

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afangirlsguidetofazza · 4 years ago

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Sheikha Hind supposedly a kind woman who adopted a lot of children so why she didn't raise her 1st grandchild in a culture where a boy child matter so much she left her grandson to Latifa Beljafla's care. if she is not the biological mother of the boy then why chose Latifa to raise Mohammed? She even a friend to the Mother-in-law of Hamdan and now they ignoring her as if she is nobody. I have a theory that Rashid did something to a maid to hide the embarrassment they gave the child to Beljaflas. I don't think the boy is a result of marriage or any romantic relationship. I used to think Rashid was a beast 😂 and he doesn't have a single picture with the boy. If Rashid was alive I think the family would ignore Mohammed just the way they used to. Latifa's eldest daughter Reem is the same age as Rashid so might be she is the Mama. I know someone with a similar situation she got pregnant without marriage so her mother adopted the child so it's a guess. Interesting Al Maktoum's better than many TV shows 😂 but I am happy to see the boy he is as beautiful as his father ❤😆 Hamdan is a softy while Rashid used to be the sexy one 😂 I found him way better looking than Hamdan. Don't you think 😂 even Ahmed is better-looking than Hamdan and he is a poet too but he forgets to hit the gym 😂 Hamdan is the overrated one in the family because he is the crown prince.

Yeah, Hind is a real gem.

See, this is what happens when you play puppet master with your children and who they marry/procreate with. Look, I understand why but this is when things get messy and complicated. I bet Majid’s marriage wouldn’t have been so controversial if it wasn’t for Rashid’s entanglement. No wonder they desperately try to keep things hidden.

Oh, and I think all of Mohammed and Hind’s sons are hot. They each have a certain charm about them. Hamdan has that overall Prince Charming allure. Rashid was the hot, mysterious type. Maktoum is all business serious pants (yes, that’s attractive.) Ahmed is that fun younger brother type but with a side of mystery. Saeed, he’s not public enough for me to place him. I’ll say he’s Mr. Business like Maktoum but sort of looks like Rashid.

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gainaxvel3o · 4 years ago

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The Imaginary Love Lives of Superman #1: Lois Lane

Picture this in your head: Lois Lane, world renowned ace reporter, winner of several pulitzer prizes, the woman who landed an interview with the Man of Tomorrow himself, stuck in the middle of her worst case scenario.

"The Daily Planet's revenue has increased since last September everyone. It's definitely going to help overhaul our computer software. Ever since Livewire messed around with the offices last tuesday the computers have been out of whack-"

A long boring staff meeting.

She checked her phone again. Five minutes. Days like these leave Lois wishing she had installed a bed in the office. Perry wouldn't have allowed such a thing of course, but the thought sounded immensely appealing, especially when she had to hear hours upon hours of boring speeches on stocks or whatever was being discussed. She should be out there chasing a story. That's where she truly belonged.

'Four minutes,' Lois noticed from her watch. 'God I wish it'd go faster.'

There were a lot of things Lois could be doing right now. She could be writing an exposé on the latest real estate scam in the eastern seaboard, or uncover the latest controversy at Metropolis Airlines, or break into LexCorp to see if Lex would agree to an interview. She probably would get in trouble for that last part but it would have been preferable than this.

'Three minutes.'

Her thoughts turned to her husband. Clark Kent, that infuriatingly charming dope of a man who by all accounts should have barely been able to see outside his own glasses much less become her competitor for the title of star reporter for the Daily Planet. Yet he did, sometimes even outdoing her in the process! It was maddening how a farm boy from Smallville drove her crazy.

'Two minutes.'

Then again, she married the big lug. Maybe Clark had some charm to him. The "aw shucks ma nice guy" routine probably started her fondness, but that wasn't the full picture. It was only one side of the equation. She kept waffling between Clark and the other guy for years because neither had a complete story.

Clark was an awkward, if friendly guy from work. The other guy was practically a larger than life godling. Somewhere between these two was a full man, one who had the courage to show her all of himself at his most vulnerable. The revelation was the moment she decided to marry him for sure.

'Only one minute... Eh, he'll catch me.'

"Anyone have ideas on how to- Lois? Lois Lane what are you doing?!"

Lois jumped out of the window without a care in the world. She'll make an excuse later, right now Lois could feel arms wrapping around her legs and back.

"Lois."

She turned to her husband. Clark Kent wasn't just Clark Kent. He was also Superman, the Man of Tomorrow. The man of her dreams. The man who was also giving her a disappointed look.

"Timed it just right Smallville." Lois smirked. "Would you care for an interview?"

He rolled his eyes. "It was really boring for you wasn't it? Alright. There was something in the Fortress I wanted to show you anyway."

She hugged her man close, as the pair flew off together. Only an hour later did Lois realized her light jacket wasn't going to do much in the arctic. Oh well, she supposed that would be her karma.

Author's Notes:

Inspired by Everybody Loves Spidey by Maximus Reborn, I decided to do a collection of one shots for pairings with Superman. They range from canonical (no way Lois or Lana are going to be left out) to non canonical (I thought of doing something with Hawkgirl or Catwoman for instance). You could request some that I haven't considered!

There are only three rules: No incest (so Supergirl/Power Girl are out) no underage characters (Mary Batson is definitely out), and no female versions of male characters (so if someone asks for Batman, they get Batman. Not a female Bruce Wayne). There are some characters that I may decide not to do anything with for personal reasons.

The first one shot is of course with Lois. It's a no brainer, they're the original Superhero pair, they're married with a son right now. There's a reason why it was Lois who headlined her own title as "Superman's Girlfriend". I adore them!

#The Imaginary Love Lives of Superman #Superman #Lois Lane #Clark Kent #Daily Planet #Clois #Fanfic #I adore them #Fanfiction #My writing

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

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Survey #275

i’m anxious and my head is hectic so i can’t think of a single song lyric to put here lmao

Have you ever dated anybody online? Yes, but we met up in person for a week+ at a time multiple times. Ever been stalked? No. Ever stalked someone? No. I never got to that point with him because shit’s creepy. Have you ever been called a slut, hoe, skank, whore? Only playfully by close friends because that’s how we show affection sometimes lmao. Have you ever snuck out before? No. Do you eat meat? I wish I didn’t, but I do. If so, do you like meat? Yes. If not, do you have anything against people who eat meat? N/A Have you ever gotten a manicure or pedicure? I went with my old friend and sisters on rare occasions just to hang out. Have you ever been close to getting kidnapped? Jc no, thank fuck. HAVE you ever been kidnapped? No. I’d be so goddamn terrified. Do you listen to Lykke Li? Never heard of ‘em. Have you ever self-harmed? Yes. Do you have any eating disorders? No. Have you ever met a celebrity? No. Do you like Monster Energy or do you prefer other energy drinks? Astonishingly with how much I love soda, I am nooot an energy drink fan. They taste like straight-up poison. Describe the best day of your life? I don’t really know what that would be. About how many times a week do you skip class or just school in general? When I was in school, I’d fake sick as a kid rarely, then in high school I had quite a few mental health days. College, too. Have you ever been suspended from school? No. Have you ever been expelled? No. Do you role-play? Only on designated forums and in serious stories. I need substance behind it. Irl, sexual, and pretty much any other RP doesn’t interest me. Do you watch Degrassi? I never did, no. What is one of the saddest novels you’ve ever read in your lifetime? Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. Jesus fucking Christ. Orbit or 5 Gum? Honestly can’t even remember their tastes… but I THINK I preferred the latter. Have you ever been in a love triangle? No. How bad are your hangovers? I’ve never had one. Do you think Taco Bell is nasty? No. Do you have a jacuzzi? Definitely not. Have you ever broken a bone? If so, what was the cause of it? No. Do you think vegans/vegetarians look down on people who choose to eat animal products? That’s a very generalizing statement… You can’t say that of them all. Some absolutely do, others don’t. Do your friendships tend to last a long time or are they short-lived? Definitely the former. Name the best and worst things about your current or most recent relationship. The best thing was absolutely that I felt accepted for entirely who I was, like I needed to hide not a single thing. The worst thing was easily distance. Fuck distance. How are you? Aggravated at a lot of things. What part of your body are you most insecure about? Absolutely my stomach. What’s one food you would be surprised to hear that someone doesn’t like? Chocolate. I mean I know at least one person who doesn’t, but boy does it catch you off-guard. Do you think your voice is higher or lower than average? It’s definitely lower than the average woman’s. Do you and your parents like any of the same bands/singers? Oh, loads! I couldn’t even begin to list them all. Is there any food in your bedroom? No. Do you know anyone who has road rage? MY YOUNGER SISTER. GOOD LORD. Riding with her is always a trip. How far away do your grandparents live from you? My only (barely) living one is in New York with family, probably until she dies. It’s like ten hours away. What kinds of cereal are in the cupboard? We have chocolate Special K, Honey Nut Cheerios, a Food Lion rip-off of Rice Krispies, and… maybe one more? Is your mom a big health freak or your dad? Or neither? Neither, really. Given her cancer, high blood sugar, and diabetes though, Mom is much more conscious of what she eats. Do you know anyone who wants to be the president one day? Not that I’m aware of. What kinds of chips are in the cupboards? We don’t have any. Mom and I try to keep snack foods out of the house because we know ourselves well enough to know we WILL eat them too fast. Do you have your mom’s or dad’s hair? Absolutely my mom’s. It’s thick as hell like hers was. What’s the first thing you see when you walk into your bedroom? Probably my massive Nightmare Before Christmas poster above my bed. Do you have any friends who have naturally red hair? Yes. Have you ever cried when a teacher retired? Yep. I’m never going to forget my first band teacher; he was a real comedian with a massive heart. We all adored him and got so excited when he would come back to substitute if our instructor had to miss and he was able to come. Oddly enough, I don’t remember his name… When’s the last time you wore heels? Oh Christ. Maybe Ashley’s wedding? Did I even wear heels? Do you have your mom’s or dad’s eyes? Neither. What’s the best date movie? I am such an average white bitch in how my answer to this will always and vehemently be The Notebook. How long has your current best friend been your best friend? Around three years. Have your parents ever been out of the country? No. Do you swear and yell while playing video games? No. I might curse under my breath. Is there any alcohol in the fridge? Oh I WISH. Do your pets chase after bugs? YUP. Roman loves hunting flies. When’s the last time you were so excited you couldn’t sleep? Why? Excited? Probably not since I was going to see Sara. I don’t know. What is your mom’s favorite movie? Oh shit, good question. How much older is your dad then you? Don’t make me math, please. 30-something years. Do you have any relatives who really spoil you? No. Do you know anyone who has security cameras in their house? Probably. What was the last movie to make you cry? No clue. Has anyone you know ever pulled the fire alarm in school, joking around? I think so? Who was the main character in the last book you read? Starflight. Is the last person you said goodbye to single? No, he’s married to my sister. Who are the last people you saw kiss? Like romantically/on the lips? Ummm probably a couple on Facebook or something. Have you ever posted a fan fiction on a website? No. Do you ever fantasize about your future wedding? Who’s the bride/groom? Not anymore. Do you have any relatives who are expecting a baby really soon? No. My high school friend did just announce she’s pregnant with her second child though. When you get married, who will be the maid of honor/best man? My mom. Does your best friend get along with their parents? Yes, they’re fantastic. Have you ever been in a wedding? What were you? Yes; I was the hideous bridesmaid that just cried all through my sister’s wedding. That was a fucking nightmare. Does it matter to you what kind of shampoo you use? I don’t really care, no. Do you have a sensitive gag reflex? Like STUPID fuckin sensitive. Where are you the most ticklish? Don’t touch my fuckin feet. What was the last situation to upset you? It was a petty envy thing that shouldn’t have upset me, let’s move along. Have you ever had an online argument? I’ve been socially on the Internet since I was 11 and am now 24, take a guess lmao. The general subject of your last text conversation? Asking Sara for permission for something RP-related. What is just down the hall from where you’re located? There’s not really a hall at all; my room opens up into the living room. Do any of your friends know you fill out surveys? Well besides the online friends I have here, no. Do you like the controversial/political surveys? ”It depends on if I have enough opinions (and energy) to give good answers or not.” <<<< Exactly this. Who/What did you last spend time worrying about? Myself and my future and my newfound fear of ending up homeless and hopeless after my parents pass away because I’m a very sorry Adult™. What was the last thing you prepared in the oven? Whoa, who knows. The oven scares me, so I don’t use it myself. When were you last offered something illegal? I don’t think I ever have been, actually. Did you accept or decline that offer? N/A When was the last time that you saw fire? On the way home like a week back or something. Someone was burning stuff in their backyard. Have you ever seen somebody get shot? No. What are you listening to? “Little One” by Highly Suspect. Gorgeous song. Do you chew on your hair? Um no???? Can you talk on the phone while having the tv/radio on? No. What size are all the televisions in your house? I don’t know the measurements, but it’s a large Vizio. One of the few really nice things we got when my parents were together. Do you have health insurance? Yes. How many times have you been pulled over by the cops while driving? Zero. What is one of your favorite movie lines? I don’t know, they’re not really something I memorize. What is one thing you look forward to every day? My morning Mountain Dew lmao it’s my coffee, essentially. What is one thing you dread every day? The inevitable part where I’m bored shitless by early evening. Ever lived through a natural disaster? Lots of hurricanes. What’s the longest you’ve lived without electricity? I wanna say around two days? Maybe even three? I don’t remember. Name all the drugs you have tried: None. Name all of the alcoholic beverages you have tried? Margaritas and sangrias with different types of alcohol that I don’t know. Oh, hard lemonade. Oh yeah, wine too, which was fucking repulsive. Name all the types/brands of cigarettes you have tried: None. What is one thing you stand strongly for? Fucking TRY ME on gay rights. What does your doormat say? We don’t have one. Who was the last person you were on hold with (on the phone)? I don’t remember. Who do you know that’s had a baby recently? Ummm I don’t think any *very* recently. Do you know anyone who got married recently? Again, not very. Do you know anyone who has died recently? No. Do you change songs in the car often? I use my iPod to play over it, where I select the songs to play, so I let them play through. However, if I was actually the driver, I definitely wouldn’t; it wouldn’t really matter because I’m so terrified of driving that I need almost no radio at all. What street sign do you find totally pointless? I’m not familiar enough with them all. What drinking games have you played? None. What made you pick up the last book you started reading? Sara got me into the series. Have you received any bad or troubling news lately? Welcome to 20fuckin20, y’all. When was the last time you were relieved about something? *shrug* What about your life concerns you the most? That I’ll waste it. Is there a common thing most people seem to do without trouble, but it scares you (talking on the phone, driving, interviews, etc)? When was the last time you had to do one of these kinds of things? When I went to the doctor a couple weeks ago, I signed myself in. Yes, that sets my anxiety off because I don’t know how to Talk. When was the last time you went somewhere for the first time? Uhhhhhhhh good question. I don’t go anywhere. What is a situation that makes you feel especially confident? Talking about meerkat behavior ha ha. If you’ve moved out from home, what was the scariest thing about it? What was/is your favorite thing about it? N/A Are there any fictional characters you like even though they’re “bad” or “evil?” What qualities draw you to a character? BITCH yes. I just like charisma. For villains, I really like when there’s a *reason* they’re bad, too, and not so just for the sake of it. And I am a SUCKER for sarcastic lil shit villains. What are your thoughts on “forgiving” murderers, rapists, attackers, etc? Do you think it’s even possible to forgive these people? This is a tough question, after I looked past my initial “hell no.” Like, people change. I suppose it varies case-to-case. What was the last series you finished watching? Do you have any plans to begin another? Actually finished, Ginga Densetsu Weed. I’m sure Sara and I will keep watching Avatar: The Last Airbender next time we see each other. What is one way in which you are different from a year ago? What is one way in which you are still the same? I definitely hate myself more than I did. And that’s the problem: I haven’t developed at all in a year’s time. Is there anything you’ve promised yourself you’ll never do again? Multiple things. Do you prefer fake tanning or real tanning? I prefer not tanning at all. Would you date someone who was addicted to drugs? No. I’m not getting into that shit. If the person was recovered, yes, but I wouldn’t hesitate leaving if they relapsed and didn’t seek help. Sounds brutal, but I’m serious about the damage drugs do, and not just to the user. Do you still talk to the person you had your first kiss with? No. It’s probably best we never do again. Can you make yourself cry? I’ve never really tried, but I don’t think so. Are you ready for kids? I’ll never be. Have you ever woken up crying from a bad dream? Plenty of times. Thanks, nightmares every fucking time I sleep. Do you eat breakfast? Yes. Cannot relate to people who don’t like wtf that’s the best part of the morning. Have you ever trusted someone too much? BOY OH BOY OH BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How did you get your last bruise? I don’t recall. Last time you got a text message and smiled? Idk. What was the last kid’s movie you saw? Ummmmm good question. Have you ever shared a shower or bath with someone as an adult? Noooo, not into it. Sounds dangerous but also just… weird to me. Like let me clean myself in peace??? Are you bitter about anything? Oh, am I. Do you use emojis? Occasionally. I’m too biased to emoticons, growing up using those every sentence, lol… but I’m starting to move towards them depending on the platform, and the ones I use are very limited. Do you have any hidden piercings? (this includes bellybuttons) No. I took my snake eyes out. Has anyone called you perfect before? *lips against mic* that was a motherfuckin lie Have you ever liked someone that was in a relationship? Yes. Have you ever gone through a period of mass weight-gain/weight-loss? What was that time like for you? Both, actually. First, mass weight-gain happened due to a medication I was on that murders metabolism + I was a bad emotional eater after the breakup, and those two don’t mix. Then, through recovery, I lost over 50 pounds in around a year from being off of that fucking medicine and my eating habits returning to normal. What’s one incident that has majorly affected your self-esteem? Was it for better, or for worse? THE BREAKUP. It made me feel like an absolute waste of space and time. Do you have a close bond with your sibling(s)? Was it always this way, or has it been better/worse? Not really, but I wish I did. Ashley and Nicole are very close, then I’m like… awkwardly on the sidelines trying to find times where I can insert myself and be a proper sister. Ash and I ARE closer than we were as kids, while it’s a harsh opposite with Nicole. We shared a room and were very close, but now I feel like she doesn’t even like me. Have you used Limewire before? Ha, yuuup… Who do you envy the most, if anyone at all? I’m uncertain about the most.

#survey #quiz #questions #questionnaire

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stealing-jasons-job · 4 years ago

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10 Questions Tag Game

Rules: Answer 10 15 questions, ask 10, and tag 10 people however many people your heart desires to answer them.

Tagged by the amazing @burninghoneyatdusk, @nakey-cats-take-bathsss, and @bookwormforalways, so you guys are getting 15 answers from me. 🥰

I apologize in advance for getting deep on main. lol

1. Do you believe in soulmates/true love?

I don’t believe in soulmates, but I do believe in true love.

Is there one person we’re fated to be with forever and ever? No, I don’t think so. As much as I love soulmate AUs and the idea of there being one person you know you’ll click with no matter what... I just don’t think it’s realistic.

Instead, I think that there are lots of people you’re compatible with. And some people get lucky and meet a person they are compatible with at a time when both of them are ready to commit and build a life together. When that happens, you’re building a relationship and partnership that I believe turns into true love over time.

2. What’s your happy place?

This is hard because I have a lot of happy places, but I think my number one happy place is my high school’s softball field. I’ve spent hundreds of hours on that field over my lifetime, and I miss it a lot now that I’m grown and moved away from home. Playing softball, being on the pitcher’s mound, was always where I just felt the most myself. I was 100% in my element, surrounded by some of my closest friends I’d known since I was 8 years old when we all played on the same tournament team. Worries about my body, all the bullshit with my dad, friend drama, boy drama, anxieties about the future... none of it could touch me when I was inside the fence of that field practicing or playing. 🥎

3. If you could befriend one fictional character (book/show/movie) who would it be and why?

Part of me wants to say Bellamy Blake because I would marry that man (sorry, Clarke). lol But I think realistically, I’m going to go with Olivia Pope because powerful friends are helpful and she’s a badass I’d like to have in my corner.

4. Song lyrics that apply to your current mental state/state of your life rn:

The song Lady Like by Ingrid Andress is my anthem rn. I relate to the entire song so much, but here’s the pre-chorus/chorus:

“Controversial, so outspoken

I've been told I'm not ladylike

But I'm a lady, like whoa

I could bring you to your knees and

Get you kicked out the Garden of Eden

Untamable, unframeable, Mona Lisa, oh

Kiss you like a whiskey fire

Turn around, leave your heart in a riot

Lipstick in a cigarette pack on the dash

I'm a lady like that

I'm a lady like that”

5. What’s something that helps you stay positive even when things get hard?

Writing. It’s my passion, and I love crafting stories. It’s a way to escape — create a new world for me to live in or insert myself into a world I wish I could visit. But it’s also a good way to give myself perspective. My stress about work is smaller when I’m writing about characters trying to prevent the apocalypse. The current shit show that is... well, the whole world, is something I feel I can make a positive impact in when I’m writing about characters fighting a government conspiracy.

6. What’s a memory you wish that you could go back in time to and relive?

This is so random, but one time in high school my group of friends did a big scavenger hunt. Each team made their own list of riddles for the other team to solve and then photograph within the city limits of our small town. After we got done, we went to our high school football field and broke into the press box to screw around with the PA system. Afterward, we just walked around for a while, laid down under the traffic light in the middle of the road (it was like 3 AM at this point on a backroad, so no cars). It was such a wholesome night. lol Just 7 teenagers screwing around and having fun — not a single care in the world. I was in that weird, flirty stage with one of my guy friends. I had a softball game against our school rival coming up that I was excited for. Life was simple. I’d go back and relive that night in a heartbeat.

7. If you could talk to your 13 year old self, what would you tell her/advice would you give her?

Being vulnerable isn’t the end of the world, and your worth is not conditional on your strength or usefulness.

**Potenital TW**

My dad was verbally and emotionally abusive my entire childhood (still is, I just am better equipped to handle it as an adult that doesn’t live in the same state). I grew up thinking that love was conditional and all vulnerabilities would be exploited for someone else’s gain. That any weakness shown would be used to hurt me. That makes it really hard for me to open up to people (for example, I would not be telling you guys this story if we were sitting in the same room rather than me typing it out on screen — and it’s still giving me anxiety to share), and it makes it really hard for me to form deep attachments and friendships since those typically hinge on sharing parts of yourself and being vulnerable with someone else.

Maybe it wouldn’t have helped, but maybe if I could go back and tell myself during those formidable years that none of that is true... who knows how things could be different, how I could be different.

Anyway, sorry about that sob story. Moving on.

8. What’s your favorite quote of all time? Why?

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.” ― Franklin D. Roosevelt.

Because this logic can be applied to almost everything: Confidence isn’t the absence of insecurity, but rather the understanding that you have worth despite them. Goodness isn’t the absence of badness or darkness, but rather the conscious decision to reject those impulses to be better. Love isn’t to see an absence of flaws or irritation, but to respect and appreciate someone in part because of them.

Plus, Princess Diaries I and II remain two of my favorite movies, which is where I first heard this quote. 👑

9. What is the quality you value most in a friend?

Being genuine. As mentioned above, the trust and emotional intimacy issues are real with me. lol But if I know you are a genuine person who’s going to shoot me straight and be upfront about what you’re thinking, feeling, etc. then it’s easier for me to let you in. It may take time, but it’ll happen eventually.

10. If the pandemic magically ended today, how would you spend tomorrow?

On a plane. To somewhere with new people, crowded spaces, restaurants galore. Hong Kong, maybe. Or Tokyo. 🏙️

11. If you could go back in time and live in any era & location, and face no danger, where would you choose?

Vikings. God, I would have thrived in a Nordic society. Women’s rights were paramount, being strong and tough as a woman was celebrated, sword fighting and archery and rowing were important skills, they lived in cold places (I like winter), there’s a possibility I could have trained a dragon. Like, I’d miss some modern technology, but I’d live. lol

12. What heroine of a movie, book, tv show, story, or history do you relate to most?

Honestly? Clarke Griffin. Bossy + has zero chill + occasionally says somethign v sassy + afraid of being vulnerable + refusal to show any weakness + doesn’t talk about her feelings + in love with Bellamy Blake + rocks the black leather aesthetic + wants to save the world but makes questionable decisions to do so? ✅✅✅

13. Without saying who the person is, what is a question you wish you could ask someone but can’t?

What the actual fuck do you think are you doing?

(I’d actually like to ask this to two people, and I bet all of you can guess the two people right away lololol)

14. In one sentence, what are you personally struggling with right now?

Figuring out where I fit into the world.

15. What’s a book/article/story that brought you joy/comfort/healing that you wish others would read?

How to Walk Away by Katherine Center.

It’s a beautiful book that taught me a lot about self-worth, throwing out your life playbook (because it never goes according to plan), and thriving where you’re planted rather than lamenting the fact that you aren’t in a different garden.

12/10 recommend! (Her other books are also amazing.)

My questions for you...

(Stealing some from others because they were good!)

1. What album/playlist do you listen to when you’re in need of some inspiration/motivation?

2. If money wasn’t an object, what would you want to do with your life?

3. What’s your happiest memory?

4. What’s something that helps you stay positive even when things get hard?

5. What’s a book/movie/tv show that you turn to when you’re feeling down and need comfort?

6. Do you believe in soulmates?

7. If you could be anywhere in the world tomorrow (pretending COVID-19 doesn’t exist), where would you be and why?

8. How do you define success?

9. What’s your favorite quote of all time, and why?

10. If there’s anyone in the world you could spend the day with (fictional, historical, someone you know, anyone at all), who would it be and why?

#tag games #it's a long one lol #about me #personal #changingthefairy-tale

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johannesviii · 5 years ago

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Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2007

18 to 19 years old. Things were slowly starting to get better and better.

15 honorable mentions, but this is still only a top 10. What an incredible, amazing year for music. My favorite hit song for the entire decade is in there! I think everyone already knows what that is because I am, in fact, extremely predictable.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

Second to third year of my History studies. Met a great guy. So great, in fact, that I married him in 2019 because we’re still living together 13 years later. Got my first summer job but spent my first pay on driving lessons, because, again, I needed to get out of my parents’ appartment and knowing how to drive would be good to find a job. I had a much better access to internet. I still had great grades. Things were getting much better.

I stopped making my personal lists of favorite songs that year, and I had an mp3 player, which really opened a world of possibilities even if you could only put something like 40 songs on it, at best.

I was still reading Rock Mag a lot. As you can see, the biggest controversy at the time was what was emo and what wasn’t.

We were alright.

As far as non-elligible songs go, well there’s I Still Remember by Bloc Party (and the fact I can’t put it on the list is a heartbreak and a half) and basically everything from Year Zero by Nine Inch Nails. Nightwish, Epica and Within Temptation all had pretty good albums too.

Here’s a metric ton of honorable mentions first!

Snow (Red Hot Chili Peppers) - Perfectly pleasant song.

D.A.N.C.E (Justice) - Never understood why this was so popular. Still good.

Love is Gone (David Guetta) - Heyyyy another repetitive dance track, perfect.

Miracle (Cascada), Smack That (Akon), Chasing Cars (Snow Patrol), SexyBack (Justin Timberlake) and Say It Right (Nelly Furtado & Timbaland) - Still elligible songs for that year. Still great songs. Still not making the list.

Butterfly (Superbus) - I didn’t like this band, but I liked that song.

Thanks for the Memories (Fall Out Boy) - Same here basically.

Who Knew (Pink) - Not her best, but not her worst by a mile either.

Walk It Out (Unk) - Stayed in my head for days, I swear. I have no idea what the general opinion about it is nowadays. Maybe that’s a humiliating pick and I genuinely have no idea.

Crank That (Soulja Boy) - I do, however, know that the fact this very nearly made the list IS hilarious.

Alive (Mondotek) - Laugh all you want about the tektonik phenomenon, this is still a banger and a half.

Sound of Freedom (Bob Sinclar & Cutee B) - Not as good as Rock This Party. That’s the only thing I can say against it.

Umbrella (Rihanna) - This is an edit because holy shit I forgot Umbrella. It very nearly made the list too. Sorry.

And now, possibly one of the best top tens yet.

10 - This Ain’t A Scene, It’s An Arms Race (Fall Out Boy)

US: #32 / FR: #71

Almost everyone got the lyrics wrong. The title is way too long. I really don’t like this band of pretentious idiots; if you’re gonna be pretentious at least write about something more grand and epic than your own navel, and go all out (more on that later). Nobody ever really cared about their supposed feud with Panic! At The Disco. And, to make matters even worse, the singer looked exactly like the terrible ex I had punched in the face the previous year.

This is still a damn good song and it’s on the list instead of any of the honorable mentions.

RIP me.

9 - How To Save A Life (The Fray)

US: #24 / FR: Not on the list

You already know I loved The Fray. This song could have apparently also made the previous list but it’s on this one instead. It was overplayed. I still loved it.

8 - U + Ur Hand (Pink)

US: #29 / FR: Not on the list

In 2002, I bought Pink’s Missundaztood album and as you might remember this was the second album I ever bought in my life, right before the gigantic trainwreck that highschool was.

The fact that about five years (that felt like twelve) later, Pink was on the other side of that trainwreck, back in my earphones, just as energetic and fun as she was before, was nothing short of heartwarming.

7 - Je Suis Un Homme (Zazie)

US: Not on the list / FR: #43

I’m not gonna beat around the bush. This song is terrifying.

Here’s a translation. Yeah, it’s about humanity destroying the Earth and itself in various ways, and it’s preachy, but holy shit, how can something be so bleak, so scary and still so catchy. It’s a mystery.

6 - Double Je (Christophe Willem)

US: Not on the list / FR: #2

When I first heard this song, I genuinely thought that was also Zazie and I was like oh wow, she’s learned to have fun again after that bleak, bleak song.

But no. She only wrote it, and it’s sung by this guy. It’s relatable as hell (”When I grow up it’s gonna be easy, I’ll finally know what I am”, “Who’s fault is it? / I’m something and its opposite / Double me”). The fact that a guy had this kind of voice and that a ton of people loved it (enough for him to win a big talent show and make this the second biggest song of the year!) also did wonders for my dysphoria, by the way.

5 - Ta Meuf (Faf Larage)

US: Not on the list / FR: #19

This is a song applying the most obnoxious rap and hip hop clichés about gangsters (and guys in general) to a woman, and she ends up terrorising all the guys and they’re realising these clichés might, in fact, be really toxic.

It’s a great song about gender roles usually seen in this kind of music and instead of being preachy, it’s hilarious, and well-written (I mean, it’s Faf Larage, it’s a given, but still). Check it out.

4 - Relax Take It Easy (Mika)

US: Not on the list / FR: #12

All hail the new king of pop. He was here to stay and what a breath of fresh air he was. This was very much his year in Europe as soon as the album Life In Cartoon Motion dropped.

My significant other absolutely loved this album and we listened to it wayyyy, way too much, and even with all the radio overplay AND the overplay when we were together, I still can’t get enough of this album.

3 - Love Today (Mika)

US: Not on the list / FR: #39

Here he is again!

If this was any other year this would top the list very easily. What were the US even thinking back then to not let this guy chart. Why isn’t Mika a huge star over there too. What is your problem guys. Do you have something against fun or what.

Anyway, here’s possibly the best comment on the music video:

I mean. You’re not wrong.

2 - What I’ve Done (Linkin Park)

US: #38 / FR: Not on the list

Aaaaaaand they’re back. And they’re once again topping my list. Lord have mercy on me. I loved them so much.

This was the first step into their modern sound, less raw, more U2. A couple of years later, when Lacuna Coil released Shallow Life, I used to joke that Lacuna Coil was trying to sound more and more like Linkin Park, that Linkin Park was trying to sound more and more like U2, and that U2 was trying to sound more and more like boring garbage and. I mean. I wasn’t wrong there.

My absolute favorite part of the song is at 2:24, when the music calms down a bit and the lyrics go “I start again / And whatever pain may come / Today this ends / I’m forgiving what I’ve done” and then the guitar explodes again. So powerful. Love it.

And now you’re probably thinking “so... Linkin Park was back, and with such a top quality song and it’s NOT your #1? After you put a Linkin Park song or a Linkin Park remix at #1 for three years in a row in 2002, 2003 AND 2004? What’s going on, Jo? Are you okay?”

Oh I’m more than okay. Friends and enemies, here comes the absolute best hit song of the entire decade and possibly of my entire life so far.

You probably already know what it is.

1 - Welcome to the Black Parade (My Chemical Romance)

US: #59 / FR: Not on the list (shame on you French charts)

I know I keep complaining about stuff I love not charting, or charting but not high enough to make any year-end list, but... How was this even allowed to chart. Why and how did it end up on the US year-end list when so many more radio-friendly hits I loved couldn’t even scratch the hot 100.

I’m not complaining at all. I’m just baffled.

Play the first note on a piano and I’m already a wreck. Heck, I’m pretty sure everyone from my generation is. It was basically our very own Bohemian Rhapsody. It still is. Where do I even start.

Oh. I know. Look at this page from a 2006 Rock Mag, it’s gold.

Yep, they highlighted The Open Door by Evanescence and praised it, and were like “this is very risky and ambitious and we’re not sure you’re gonna like this” for The Black Parade by My Chemical Romance. Hilarious in hindsight.

A few months later, the same magazine was desesperately using double pages to interview them because everyone adored the album.

So in case you’ve never listened to it (I’m... not even sure why I’m doing this since I’m pretty sure even people who don’t like this type of music have tried to out of sheer curiosity), it’s a concept album about a guy (...possibly. I mean there’s a lot of trans and/or nonbinary hints in the lyrics and did you really NEED to make all of this more relatable? What the hell guys) dying of cancer, remembering all the good and the bad things that happened in his life, and since his fondest memory is seeing a marching band once as a child, death arrives in the form of a marching band. He then settles some scores with his friends and family, says his goodbyes, and... and doesn’t die in the end. He ends up surviving the whole ordeal, and the last song, Famous Last Words, is one the most incredible things I’ve ever heard. It’s so propulsive, uplifting and motivating. “I am not afraid to keep on living / I am not afraid to walk this world alone”. Holy. Shit. Sadly, it’s not elligible.

Welcome to the Black Parade is basically the centerpiece of the album, as you already know or might have guessed, but here’s the thing. It also works out of context because there’s already an entire narrative arc within this one song. It’s larger than life. It’s about death and the meaning of existence. It basically contains all the stages of grief, and the conclusion it reaches is that this guy will be remembered and therefore, he will transcend death. It’s full of rage and passion and triumph. There’s key changes. There’s tempo changes. There’s everything. It’s a rock opera in a single song. I put it on my mp3 player immediately after listening to the album, and it’s still on my mp3 player today. I never, ever removed it. I listened to it countless times and every single time, it feels like rewatching one of my favorite movies.

Best hit song of 2007 by a mile. Best hit song of the decade, hands down, and now that the 2010s are over, I’m pretty confident in saying nothing has topped it so far. I’d say “fight me” if I thought this was a controversial opinion, but it’s not even that controversial.

And that feels damn right.

Next up: Is... is this a list with actual filler? Are you telling us there was ONE mediocre year for music in the 2000s? Sounds fake but okay

#Johannes’ bad not good pretty terrible music lists #music #long post #flashing lights #eye contact tw

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