#because rn it's nothing good
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i need to be loved like, right now and for forever
#not doing so hot rn !!#having your love language be quality time is quite troublesome when most of your friends live either far away or#are busy with their own problems#feeling like universe's cruel joke lmao#never learned how to socialize or express myself properly#too shy/anxious/having nothing to talk about with strangers#no time for fun hobbies w/ small communities like crochet or woodcarving circles#being unable to commit and form sincere long-lasting relationships#being both on the aro and ace spectrum#and a myriad of psychological problems that i can't bring myself to talk about with anyone - least of all a therapist#because what if they say these are not real problems and to stop making a scene#i just want to be wanted yknow .#wanted loved cherished happy#probably not gonna happen in this decade but we'll see#if i don't off myself in the next few years maybe i'll see what fate has in store for me#because rn it's nothing good#wish i'd be more spiritual so i could at least have the placebo effect of some deity listening to my prayers and doing what they can to help#alas i am not so some more alone time it is#delete later
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#mrs flood who are you: time lord edition
#dwedit#doctor who#mrs flood#fifteenth doctor#the master#jacobi!master#tenth doctor#jack harkness#martha jones#twelfth doctor#ninth doctor#*#okay here is my argument: mrs flood IS a time lord but her presence here has nothing to do with the doctor#instead she's here because of ruby. she's seemingly part of/related to the pantheon of discord & we know that ruby is connected to them too#so i think that she was deliberately placed as ruby's neighbor by the pantheon/oldest one/ruby's mom/? in order to watch over her#it also explains why she was there to check on ruby in 1.04. once she realizes she's on the phone w carla she says 'nothing to do with me'#and she leaves. which implies that it COULD have had something to do with her. if it had been something else going on#ANYWAY. to get to the time lordness of it all. rn i personally believe that she's a time lord that's been hiding on earth for 50+ years#bc i don't think she recognized the police box as a tardis initially. that first quote should be taken at face value.#instead picture this: she's watching over ruby as per usual. a police box is there - weird but nbd. then it dematerializes in front of her.#she drops her groceries. she's shocked. she kinda looks scared. if she already knew it was a tardis why would she react like that?#so imo she knows OF tardises. she DIDN'T know the police box was one. and she's worried the time lords have found her hence the fear.#but when nothing happens and nobody comes at her she realizes she's still safe#later when she sees the doctor she realizes the tardis is his/he must be a time lord. he doesn't identify her but that's happened before#so then when she asks him who he is i think what she's actually asking for is his title. WHICH time lord are you.#bc lbr if she knows abt tardises then she knows about time lords and if she knows abt time lords she knows what it means for ruby#to be joining him - and that's why she wishes ruby good luck. meanwhile this is clearly the outcome she WANTS (them to be together)#bc she gets visibly upset when the doctor seems to decide to leave without ruby.#and for once i'm not master clowning bc the list of names the doctor gives out is VERY interesting. some of them we've never heard before:#the bishop; the conquistador; later he adds the pedant and sagi-shi and reiterates the bishop AGAIN. so i wonder if she's the bishop.....
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JOHN ALLEN NELSON as John D. Cort in Baywatch (1989 - 2001) Season 1
#baywatchedit#tvedit#80sedit#90sedit#baywatch#john d cort#john allen nelson#90s tv shows#mygifs#usermichi#mancandykings#televisiongifs#userstream#💋💋💋#stalling to move on to s2#because nothing good will happen to cort#(and i'm not sure i can handle it rn)#i already lost my best girl jill riley#honestly this rewatch is such a memory lane#the massive crush i had...
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constantly thinking about the PERFECT setup supergirl season 1 had to make kara queer;
"oh my god, you're a lesbian" – winn to kara, in the very FIRST episode.
"hell, i wanna date her" – kara, about lucy lane.
"she does kinda give off a sapphic vibe, with that big old butch S chestplate" – leslie willis (livewire) about supergirl.
there were so many other instances in s1 alone, let alone in later seasons when lena showed up (recounting every queer-coded supercorp interaction would require a whole podcast). it was the PERFECT pretext to make her even just a little bit fruity, but the cw just couldn't handle it i guess
#QUEER kara danvers#because i said so#i'm rewatching s1 rn and it's insane how much queer coding they had weaved into the show's core#only for the cw to take it and do absolutely nothing with it#this is my villain origin story#i'm a supercorp shipper first and foremost but i really can't resist a good supercat or supergirl x livewire fic#the sapphicism was just perfect in s1#cat grant owner of catco also known as owner of my ass#i get the appeal behind the supercat ship i really do#cw supergirl#supergirl#supercorp#kara danvers#kara zor el
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so I finished side order recently
#splatoon#pearl houzuki#agent 8#marina ida#acht mizuta#my stuff#inktober piece 2 :)#shoutout to my brother who reminded me i could replay the credits whenever because i had to get some extra refs for eight's model#and saved me from having to slog up the tower again#now if only splatoon could do that for every cutscene eh. please#i want to relive a lot of cutscenes and youre killing me for it splatoon#anyway did you know splatoon's official art has. well it wildly varies from piece to piece#they all follow like a very loose guidelines but also they all split off into their own things half the time#me with seven tabs of art trying to figure out if i want to do lines to separate pearl's fingers: so this one has lines but this one doesnt#'this one isnt relevant to this issue all fingers are splayed'#so in the end i just did whatever i wanted. i think that's a core tenet of art. do whatever you want. forever#also spent an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out what was etched into marina's headphones#im 98% sure it is the off the hook logo. but nothing save from booting up splatoon and checking myself would say for sure#and i didnt wanna boot up splatoon cause if i did then id inevitably be down a couple hours because 'oh well im here already. one run maybe'#but regardless!! im proud of how this came out even if i was supposed to have finished two days ago to keep with my schedule#especially the bg :) i think i did really good on that.#and eight's little smile i think thats the charm point of the whole piece and it took me about ten drafts to get it properly#i think i did good on that too.#im so enamored with splatoon rn help
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[asmr boyfriend voice] woof woof bark bark
#hermitaday#rendog#rendog fanart#hermitblr#hermitcraft fanart#ren#my art#did i ever tell you guys me getting mcyt at all was because i watched lizzies last life pov late at night while i was sick#and ren just. stole my heart#i knew nothing about him or hermitcraft at a time i was just like this guy is so fucking weird. i need to know more#and when i searched him up the first thing i got was the inappropriate compilation#really good first impression. never recovered from it#so yeah my mental state currently is rendogs fault#anyway ive always kinda had trouble drawing him. had to pull up alot of references for this one but i think this is the happiest ive been#-with his design.#idk what it is. i think it's partially because rens got a very model like face irl and im intimidated. guy could be selling watches.#the beard + glasses combo also messes with me i think#he always looks so accursed before i slap the facial hair on him#uhhh i don't think i have any other thoughts to say. good boy good boy goodboy good boy good boy#i might make a postmortem on hadm later on rn im tired. would be fun i think. id get to finish my scrapbook
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#mdzs discourse#jiang cheng discourse#if the person i was talking to earlier sees this- don't worry. i am not vaguing about you here#this is someone i blocked as soon as I saw their take#I'd love to have good faith arguments about jc because he's such a messy son of a bitch#but that is currently impossible as the majority of his vocal critics rn are just writing fanfiction and using it as proof he sucks#currently bitching about the person who implied jc manipulated jyl into marrying a man she wanted nothing to do with#inorder to form a political alliance#and used 16 y/o jc's “i just watched my family die” speach and a 20 something y/o him saying “thanks. we'll talk later” as proof#jc antis are the most bad faith critics I've ever seen AND I HAVE BEEN IN THE FE3H FANDOM#i cant believe I've actually found something more headache enducing than the rhea and edelgard discourse
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now that natlan is out it's tsaritsa yearning hours again because i am one nation closer to either being horribly disappointed or foaming at the mouth!
creator!reader w a little side of conflicted tsaritsa is such good food I can't not yap about it. a woman who has dedicated so much of her life to severing herself from "love" of all kinds and succeeding and. just being so confident that when she meets you she's bitter and angry and mean. because she can't stand you. she isn't supposed to love yet you worm your way into her heart anyway and you don't even know it.
especially in smth like an imposter au. she tells herself your just a tool for her to use but your treated like the Divine you really are, pampered and spoiled every step. tells herself it means nothing when she indulges you – let's you hold her hand in private, eventually let's you move aside the veil, just a little.
and she hates it. hates how easy it is to let you break down the ice she's built up for years.
all you do is smile and she feels like she can't breathe. because despite how violently she rejects love in all aspects, it always bleeds through eventually. she despises it but the way you brush your thumbs over her cheeks makes her bitter and warm and it infuriates her to no end.
she hates you and she loves you and she can't stand you and if you were ever taken from her she'd destroy every inch of teyvat if she had to go get you back.
and ironically enough I think she'd also be the one to initiate any first kiss. maybe she's still trying to convince herself it's just a fluke and itll make her realize it meant nothing, it means nothing. desperate to fix whatever you've done to her and instead it just makes it worse.
a horrible mess of a woman who gave up on love just to be confronted with it when she finally accepted it's absence.
#sagau#genshin sagau#self aware genshin#genshin impact sagau#self aware genshin impact#genshin cult au#genshin impact cult au#tsaritsa#new nation releases. i can only think abt the tsaritsa. checks out.#yearning so bad i cracked my phone screen but im still using it 2 make it everyone elses problem lol#this is kind of similar 2 another yapping session i wrote s while back but ehe#snezhnaya will ruin me istg#constantly torn between manipulative tsaritsa and tsaritsa who is nothing but tender because she is love. even if dhe rejects it#she is both and its horrible 2 try snd write like. okay.#soft tsaritsa is so tasty though....kissing your wrist in mock reverence before the archons#letting you snd you alone see her face beneath the veil. smug and horribly arrogant but so madly incomprehensibly in love it consumes u both#but also possessive tsaritsa is so 🤤#reverts to her old ways immediately. frigid ice cube until further notice. she won't confront them in front of you but lord#she is sending them to dottore STAT#shivering at the cold stare of the tsaritsa on your back knowing shes .7 seconds away from making teyvat enter an ice age#i hc her senses like taste/touch/smell r severely dulled. not related just a small hc :]#a fun fact if u will#soft tsaritsa is good but dhehjssjsjs tsaritsa being overprotective and possessive hits different rn.....#i need her to sling me over her shoulder and lock me away just let me bring my cat and heating pad im set#head empty tsaritsa scaring off any other wannabe suitors while acting innocent (no ones buying it bc her glare is MURDEROUS)#that and the floor is starting to ice over.#n e way 💤💤💤
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Bluepoch gave us the gift of barely-subtext tragic sapphic-centric media do NOT throw that away.
Context regarding PJSK and Undertale under cut.
Project Sekai cast is dominated by female characters but mlm is more popular, meanwhile Undertale has canon wlw rep and oh my god they’re at the bottom. I have nothing against these fandoms or media (I’m literally currently/was in them) but yeah. I just HOPE r99 doesn’t end up in a similar state.
#mochagaming#if r99 ever gets even more popular and people somehow manage to out-yaoi the yuri i may actually buy a gun#‘write more yuri then’ I AM <3 AND LETS KEEP WRITING YURI R99 NATION#this is an irrational fear btw#especially since the fandoms i previously in kept fixating on the men in women-centric media#which is not bad#good for them#but its alienating for me LOL#thankfully rn r99 fandom is still diligent woman appreciators so thanks guys#keep it up#I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST MEN OR MLM#I JUST REALLY NEED THAT SAPPHIC SPOTLIGHT#LET THIS DESPERATE LESBIAN DREAM THAT HER FAV GAME STAYS YURIFUL#(because fandom activity genuinely affects the game itself so…)#reverse 1999#I am not trying to discourage any form of fandom content#But if I see someone complain about ‘lack of men’ in this game I… I genuinely dont know??? what to say???#we dont even have enough lesbian rep. it is always cast aside.#it should be prioritized (by bluepoch) i think#like to charge reblog to cast
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Runt is the younger sister Troy needed and Troy is the hypeman Runt needed send tweet
(Also I have a new HC that the Overseer couldn’t see Blink’s face through the cog mask thing but could see wing tips and chin and kinda assumed Blink looked like Wolverine Hugh Jackman and they were totally gonna co-ordinate something less formal the moment “the right hand” was done hunting down the Inventor)
#runt has a huge family right#she doesnt need a brother figure#but she does need someone who sees her as something more than a kid#and someone who genuinely believes in her and has the ability to kind of Get It#because I dont think Uncle Threestrings really Gets It#and Troy clearly doesnt have a good homelife#at least its implied that things are Not Good with his Dad rn#so he needs that good familial figure in his life#which he gets in the form of Runt leaping on his back and punching him to get his attention#he doesnt need another yes guy or another person who will see him as nothing more than the Lougferd kid#and although Blink also doesnt see him that#way#Blink doesnt have the same reckless abandon Runt#does#hes giving up his spare uniform for her and buying her fake IDs and they bully Blink together and do dumb sibling shit#Runt gets someone who believes in her and Troy gets someone that kinda evokes that softer feeling with him#and doesnt make him dumbassery feel so bad but instead it feels fun#or something#anyway Blink and the Overseer totally had something in a different universe#someone write me a crack fic of their romance thanks#jrwi podcast#jrwi#jrwi wonderlust#jrwi show#just roll with it wonderlust#wonderlust troy#runt wonderlust#just roll with it
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Hungry to write, not knowing what project to pick and work on.
#also straight up lonely rn#i know i'm not supposed to get tired of doing good but i am. i am tired of everything that goes wrong for my mom and the fact that she#can't even really do math or write legibly anymore and i think most of the reason i get so quick and short and to the point in those#situations is because i'm trying to pretend it's all fine when it is NOT but i don't know what to do i can't fix her i'm not a doctor#and i can't acknowledge to her face how bad it is because she is terrified of being 'sick' she hates this so much#nothing about my mom's situation makes sense i'm lost i want to go jump off a cliff and maybe find some peace on the way down#i don't even know what to pray for for her#just help#help God#raindrops#should i delete this#ugh#no one reads the tags anyway
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undertale yellow. clutches head in anguish.
#[cherry on top]#undertale yellow spoilers#[..its still you]#anyways. finished my uty playthrough yesterday. oh my god.#^ that might be a bit of a surprise given that ive said like. nothing about it on here#but honestly i felt like positive-neutral about the game for most of it. like yeah it was good;#but nothing that drove me crazy. yknow? it was just an overall good game.#which is why i didnt really say anything about it#then it started picking up near the middle-end with the steamworks-#i enjoyed axis and guardener a lot; ceroba was a cool party member;#and the music in steamworks goes hard. one of my favorite tracks tbh#then there was the buildup to cerobas fight.#then i /got/ to cerobas fight and. crumples up into a ball AAUUUUUUUUUU#OH MY GODDDDDD#something about it made me shatter into a million tiny pieces.#a lot of things did actually. like how HARD IT WAS#i was stuck on her for OVER AN HOUR#BUT I DID IT. I DID IT LEGIT. IT WAS SO SATISFYING WHEN I FINALLY BEAT HER#god im just insane about ceroba rn. women who fuck up everything big time#and see no other option other than to dig their hole deeper because they sure as hell arent getting out of it#OH AND THE ENDING... BECAUSE OH MY GODDDD OF COURSE CLOVER WOULD DO THAT AHUGHHHHH#THEY'RE THE JUSTICE SOUL. THEY WANTED TO BRING MONSTERS TO JUSTICE AFTER ALL THEY FACED#OF FUCKING COURRSSSEEEEEEE AAAUUGHHHHH <- wail of anguish#KILLING AND MAIMING AND BITING.#SORRY. i needed to lose it for my mental health. quoting that one tiktok: 'im craeezay. im insaaane!'#for other tidbits i wanted to mention:#cerobas bossfight music went HARD. i fucking love the phase 3 transition especially with her yelling as the music starts;#that black hole attack can go fuck itself;#and if you were wondering how long it took me to beat uty. it was around 10-11 hours for a pacifist route.#anyways i totally need to play more games. that was fucking awesome and i need to experience more things like that
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can’t finish half a thought
#vent#neo#blehh#i literally cant finish anything#i struggled with drawing because my perception is getting fried#like i cant tell if this is a good anatomy or whatever#this is what my brain feels like rn#too much going on and yet#nothing taking form at all
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me: i finished the latest trailblaze mission in hsr so i can look at what other people are posting now! oh boy i hope it's discussions and theories about the story. i can't wait to see what everyone thought about firefly (what was going on with you sweetie...) and A Child's Dream - that segment in particular really left a profound impact on me. like who is mikhail? the voice we hear throughout is obviously misha's - did he have a twin? does mikhail have something to do with clockie? and from what we heard and saw, misha or... mikhail. encountered the embodiment of Death that lurks beneath the dreamscape. what's... the full story there...? i can't wait to see other people's perspectives it'll help me piece a more coherent theory together-
other hsr fans: *thirstposting about aventurine and/or dr. ratio, trying to cancel sparkle even though the entire point of her character is that yes she's a horrible person because it's high time we see how DANGEROUS and CRUEL the masked fools can be - no more reducing them to the silly wacky hijinks sampo pulled on jarilo; you should be scared of these guys; the game's story never wanted you to make sparkle your next skrunkly blorbo babygirl lol, heated discussions about whether dr. ratio displayed the same racism towards aventurine that sparkle did and if that makes aventurine/ratio a bad thing to ship (??????????), more thirstposts about aventurine, 500 billion generic yaois of aventurine and ratio that don't even maintain either of their characters*
me:
#HONKAI STAR RAIL IS SO GOOD AND YET NO ONE SEEMS TO WANT TO TALK ABOUT WHAT MAKES IT GOOD#I FEEL ACTUALLY INSANE#I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE STORY!!!!! AND THE CHARACTERS AS INDIVIDUALS#NOT ABOUT HOW HOT THEY ARE OR WHO THEY CAN BE SHIPPED WITH#aventurine isn't even that sexy his eyes are the most interesting part about his design (HIS DESIGN. HIS CHARACTER IS MORE INTRIGUING)#the rest of it is just kind of ... like. yeah he's a blonde man. ok.#and my thoughts on aventio are i think ratio would betray aventurine for a single corn chip. and aventurine would do the same#i do not see a romance ever blossoming there. not even an enemies to lovers kinda thing. they're both too busy playing 5d chess for that#i want to talk about FIREFLY. I LOVED FIREFLY :(#i want to talk about acheron. and MISHA. SWEET BOY WHAT'S GOING ON?#there's so many interesting things going on rn and aventurine is not one of them.#like ok he knows some things but he's such a sleazy businessman about sharing info that idgaf i don't want to learn anything from him#he's always going to leave something out. because he needs to always have an advantage. for this reason i ignore 80% of what he says#i've gotten more context and clues out of everyone else he is nothing to me. i'll eat him.
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this but jeg
#the bsf is barty#and this would absolutely break james btw#because i feel like both of them were holding onto hope yknow#they pretended they were just friends and put it all behind them#they said they ended on good terms but they just missed each other#and reg would think he was hiding it really well but of course barty noticed#and one day Reg wasn't thinking and let Barty have his phone and saw James everywhere#everything was still there#and Barty knowing how Reg was knowing he was still hurting just had to delete everything#and then as soon as Barty sent that text on his phone he'd block James too#and they'd still have Sirius#they'd still have that branch but the rest of them would crumble#James would just stare at the unsent text message for hours#it would plague every second of his waking hour s#my fluff era is over apparently#i want angst and nothing but angst#<- i am writing two fluffy chapters rn#jegulus
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Was reminded tonight that vnc volume 10 also had a special edition that came with an artbook, but I was way too broke to consider buying it at the time.
Bad realization to my make vis a vis international shipping charges.
#2022 andie about to move in with her parents again because she can't find a full time job vs 2024 andie that can afford the occasional treat#gotta make good on the fan madness that I couldn't manage when it was timely#I've found nothing online about that artbook's contents except the cover and one (1) reddit post with a couple of pictures#but just from that little bit there seems to be art in there I haven't seen before#so. need#I feel like this artbook got a lot less talk on tumblr than the vol 11 one did. maybe bc there's no special cover to go with it?#in any case I should be in bed rn but I went down a whole rabbit hole with this tonight#about andie
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