#because other-fucking-wise this series wouldn't be so funny

[stilemawillow]

MTIJ | Ch.28 Does Being a Secret Agent Fix Things?

|mtij masterlist|

pairing: levi ackerman x reader

word count: 12k

summary: a girl with a variety of hidden complexes has to live with a french asshole for nine months. easy? on the surface. problematic? definitely. romantic? not too much, or at least they’d make it a point to say so everytime when asked. the end? please, their dynamic isn’t as simple as that.

Cheating. I cheated. Now my high school teacher might be cheating. Conclusion: we're all scum.

“I’m just a bit busy, Ann. My brain doesn’t work properly right now.” I was leaning against the wall again – this time with a clipboard in my hands, Adam smoking on my left and Melinda Carter bound to show up and ruin our break in about three minutes. And my best friend was talking about things I couldn’t quite comprehend but, in her defence, I wasn’t giving it my best either. Speak of being a terrible friend.

“Not that it usually does. I’m just saying it’s been bothering me,” Annie sighed and I figured she was probably busy chafing her bottom lip against the upper one as she often did when worried or overthinking. Deciding to wholly ignore her initial remark, I readjusted my shoulder and clicked the pen I was holding a few times in thought. The calculations on the clipboard weren’t coming out properly. The numbers had to be wrong altogether because this here on the page was entirely impossible…

“I understand why it would,” I began in a slow considerate tone before giving a small snort, “but give Erwin some more credit, would you? I doubt he waited for you to graduate to go fooling around with another woman less than two months later.”

Click, click, click, bitch. Asshole-me laughed as my eyebrows furrowed at the clipboard and Adam suddenly pushed himself off the wall only to stand directly in front of me instead. I didn’t look up.

“But he’s constantly mentioning the new nurse, which is a good cover story, technically, and when I used his phone to call Mike the other day I saw she’s been calling him a lot. There’s no way for me not to worry.” Annie sounded like she was on the verge of something – whether it be a simple mental breakdown or straight-up neurosis, I couldn’t know – and I was off in some faraway land, caring more about a few numbers on a stupid clipboard than my best friend. “Plus, the school is barely populated in the summer and yet Erwin says he’s got a lot of work,” the blonde justified with a cold voice but, even when I wasn’t paying 100% attention, I was able to detect the lingering doubt in it.

My gaze flickered up to meet Adam’s eyes before following his gesture to the corner of the building. Break was probably close to its end. So Melinda Carter might come along any second now. I gave the raven a small nod before pursing my lips in mild frustration. I clicked the pen in my hold three more times and tucked the clipboard under my arm, finally letting my shoulder relax as I wrapped my fingers around my phone and held it to my ear.

“I have to get going, Annie. I’ll call you later so we can finish this talk,” I said, not quite aware of what a terrible friend I was. I had a hunch, but also, I was supposed to be an employee right now. And I was terrible at it, too. Nothing I ever did seemed good in Melinda Carter’s eyes so I was basically failing at life before I’d even gotten into college – it was a big deal that surely wouldn’t make my parents proud.

“Better don’t. I’m just worrying unnecessarily.” Annie’s voice was back to being ice. She hung up on me right after. I had no time to respond. I sighed and put my phone back in my pocket before Adam reached for my hand. Right, that was another part of the ever-so-broad definition of “terrible” my character had. This particular specific was the fact I hadn’t told him anything about anything ever since Levi had shared with me the truth about Petra. Did that count as playing with his feelings? Was I leading him on, taking into account I had no intention of going back to my father’s hot intern? I didn’t know.

“Problems?” His blue eyes bore into mine and I reluctantly let him lead me to the entrance of the store by the hand. It was as warm as it had been almost a week ago when he walked me home. I shook my head “no” after which he smirked cockily and asked the usual: “Want to have dinner with me then?”

“Not exactly.” It had turned into a reflex for me to reject without considering since he offered it every day. I smirked back and yanked my hand from his hold when the automatic doors opened and Melinda’s manicured hand waved at us – or, more like, at Adam. He headed back to the register and I walked with him for the sake of not having to talk to my “boss” for another half a minute. He sat in the spinning chair behind the cash desk and I propped my elbows on top of it with a knowing look.

“How about tomorrow?” There was no smirk this time – just the puppy eyes. A Flynn Rider type of smoulder would’ve done a better job and I was about to give it a bit of thought before the rough draft of a genius plan suddenly hit me. I’d mentioned I was being as bad a best friend as I was an employee. Well, I knew for sure which of the two I could fix. Wanting to be a better person instead of a better provider for a capitalistic society that didn’t give a flying fuck about me, I smiled real wide at Adam and shook my head.

“I have an important thing. Maybe some other time.” I pushed myself off the cash desk but Adam swiftly grabbed my wrists and vouchsafed me his crooked smirk. I pouted at him before avidly slipping away from his loose hold and giving the tip of his tan nose a push that made it scrunch up cutely. The result was me walking away from the scene with a giggle, blind to the soft gaze the raven let linger on my form. I was blind to a lot of things, really.

“Miss Raven.” I swore my mouth had never curled downwards so fast in my life as it did when I heard Melinda’s voice calling my name. Here came two more hours of me toiling as she filed her nails and sang along to pop songs, sounding like an animal in pain even during the humming of the instrumental part. Honestly, I could probably listen to the scraping of her file against her nails on a loop for a month straight so long as I never got to hear her sing again.

Best moments of my life? The ones I got to spend away from that blonde and her Gucci bag. Also could be translated as: when I got off work and the only face I had to look at for the few following minutes was Adam’s. This afternoon we walked out of the store drained physically but not mentally. The usual cigarette hung from his lips, I had his leather jacket on me and over it – his arm. I was laughing at his exaggerated fuckboy “sup” nod when my gaze pinpointed a figure standing in the parking lot. My hand pushed weakly at Adam’s chest and his attention left my face. A small sigh left his lips as he removed his arm from my shoulders and I returned his jacket with an apologetic expression. His smile was bright and I parted my lips with the intention to say something, only to change my mind for a lack of things I could say. He lit up his cigarette and I skipped over to Levi, eyeing his glare with suspicion.

“You have work,” I stated with a deadpan as he rolled his eyes and took his hands out of his pockets only to stuff them right back with a weak huff. We took off towards our house – his pace was slow so I could walk normally, but the distance between our shoulders was a steady twelve inches at all times. I hate to say, but I was the one putting it there – quite purposefully, too.

“Thanks for telling me,” he returned with dry sarcasm, looking as indifferent as each and every other day. So why was I so bothered, one may ask? I would say I didn’t know and still the grumble (Feelings are worse than numbers.) in my mind made asshole-me laugh. I scowled at her nasty voice and proceeded to huff.

“Why did you come?” I sounded like a complete dumbass. I knew he’d come so he could pick me up from work. I wasn’t that oblivious when it came to facts despite the fact I was literally blind to feelings of any sort unless they were thrown in my face. But, mind you, I was exceptionally good at picking up on behavioural habits and traits. And my dear little intern had recently adapted to a borderline uncanny pattern he himself might’ve not acknowledged.

Action that let us spend time together or helped me in a way.

Excuse.

Silence.

Repeat.

“I wanted to take a walk.” Despite the nonchalant voice that would, under no circumstances, hint at his true motive, (Excuse.) Levi was probably well aware of the bullshit he was spilling and how it did nothing to help itself be believed. That kind of excuse would work on people with brain cells matching the number of fingers on their hands and, no matter what comment Annie would want to slip in here, I wasn’t part of that majority.

“Sure.” I nodded after a small pause, hesitant enough to let him know I didn’t plan on arguing though I was aware he was lying to me. He didn’t respond.

Silence.

The next step of the pattern. I could trace its beginning back to last Sunday when I’d negated the giant improvement we’d made the day before that. Or, well, negated the improvement in terms of physical intimacy and actually maybe encouraged it in a way in terms of communication. Still, the main part of the issue stayed. My abstinence concerning Levi and his affections – if they could even be called that – came and went like your usual plan to diet – you start on a random Monday and find yourself stuffing your mouth with doughnuts before Thursday rolls in. Well, I started my Levi diet on Sunday and ever since then, he decided to become times more delicious and inviting solely for the sake of corrupting my noble intentions of straying from inappropriate temptation.

I knew that sounded self-centred but I was purposefully straying from him out of pure shame and he, just as deliberately, went running after me with coffee and benevolence. It was his way of saying it was fine, that the love of his life was dead and I was a bitch but he’d known this would happen so he wanted me to act normally – I understood that much but he couldn’t really believe it would happen so fast. I’d gone through the past five days telling myself I was the living embodiment of all bad words in the dictionary – my asshole side had helped me pick them and recited them in my head in the middle of the night – and the root of the problem was acting like a saint, forgiving me for dissing him when all he’d done was protect his privacy. It was a logical notion that he’d hate and avoid me but no – let’s go against all logic and be kind to the trash who triggered the worst part of my life for four months in a row!

Wasn’t I on a fucking roll? Incompetent, selfish, horny against all virgin origins, dumped over the phone by the only boy in her life after having oh so kindly rushed into cheating on him with a man who was still mourning his dead fiancé, audacious enough to get depressed for a whole two weeks after the break-up, too proud to coherently process and sort out her feelings, pathological liar prone to acting out her life, thinking herself smart when the only thing she could do was calculate the length of her sleep if she went to bed half an hour earlier and always rushing into shit she couldn’t handle on her own. Good day, ‘t was I, your humble storyteller. Feeling entertained yet? I know I was having the time of my life.

“By the way, has my father mentioned the usual August business trip already?” Before my thoughts could spiral further, I decided to redirect the topic to a place I knew very well. No, not City of Dumbassery since I already visited it during my call with Annie and that was more than enough for the rest of the month. However, I could bet, much like my impending failure regarding my Levi diet, I’d find myself back there at some point by the end of August. The intern shook his head at my question, ran a hand through his hair and flatly began explaining that they had no big deals to arrange when I cut him off: “It’s not about deals and contracts, though. It’s about relaxation.” His brows furrowed in confusion and I smirked. He had no idea what awaited. In that case, I had to tell him. “The August business trip is my father’s way of making it up to those who work the most. You’re going on a one-week vacation but he’ll make you call it a business trip.”

“I don’t see the point in being taken along,” he retorted doubtfully, making me chuckle.

“It’s necessary for you to go. Not only because you work too much but also because the cover story falls apart if he doesn’t take his intern.” I shrugged and Levi hummed thoughtfully to let me know he’d understood.

“Do you have any idea when it will be?” His voice was a bit closer. I glanced at him and saw the distance between our shoulders had lessened by a few inches, then pretended not to notice it. I rolled my eyes and feigned contemplation when I knew very well it would be at the end of the month. It was a tradition for my father, not to mention the very same vacation William had never come back from. The thought left a sour taste in my mouth.

“No, but he’ll tell you at least five days in advance.” The small lie slipped past effortlessly and the rest of our walk was spent in silence. When we slipped out of our shoes after I locked the front door, he headed into the kitchen to make food while I changed into more comfortable clothes. A warm meal was sitting on the counter when I returned downstairs and Levi was in the living room, where the coffee table was barely visible under the various stacks of papers he had on it. It was time for me to return the favour, I guessed with a sigh. I made him a cup of tea, took the food he’d prepared and plopped down on the couch next to him.

Our eyes locked when I handed him his drink. Our fingers brushed as he took it and I gave a weak smile he never returned. He resumed doing his paperwork and I leaned back against the couch in order to enjoy my meal in peace. About ten minutes later, my dish was empty and I got up to leave it in the sink. Maybe to Levi’s surprise, I returned to the couch afterwards and leaned into his side, sending a silent message from my antenna to his.

Be my pillow, asshole.

So he complied.

Repeat.

It’ll take me around five minutes to walk from his place to the high school. I mused internally as my feet paced down the pavement the next day – a Friday on which my former high school was supposed to be open, would you look at that coincidence – and my hands were busy stuffing my work uniform in the backpack dangling from my shoulder. But before we go down memory lane there, we’ve got some other things to check. Asshole-me reminded wisely as I turned into a relatively empty street, searching for a particular rusty door. Thank fuck Hanji had given me details. Let's be the bestest fucking friend there is. I snorted whilst opening the door, then proceeded to climb the stairs to the fifth floor before pressing the doorbell by flat №51. My ten-second wait was rewarded by the sight of Hanji's benign expression contorting in mild surprise. "(Y/N), it’s so good to see you! Do you need Erwin for something?" The brown-haired woman was genuinely excited – it made me conclude maybe I had to pay her a visit or two without a selfish goal in near future. Unfortunately, now wasn’t that near future and I wasn’t here with wholly innocent intentions. I was on a mission so I had to be fast and efficient, and, of course, not get caught.

“I was actually wondering if I could come inside for a bit and talk with you.” I smiled and inwardly defended my manipulation with the fact this particular sentence hadn’t been a lie. Hanji gestured for me to enter before asking if I wanted something to drink. I could spare about ten minutes in here. And I needed for her to be distracted for a bit. I responded I’d like a coffee, not only because it was my go-to drink, but also because (It takes time to prepare and almost no time whatsoever to consume.) it was beneficial. The living room was right across the front door, but Hanji headed down the only hallway to the left. I followed with soft footsteps and watched her disappear behind the last door in line. To my right there were two doors and to the left – only one. It was open so I could see it was the bathroom. If so, I had a fifty-fifty chance of hitting the Jackpot on the first try. So I quietly rushed into the closest room on the right and nearly fist-bumped the air when I realised it was Mr. Smith’s bedroom.

Not wishing to invade his privacy more than was needed (Not that you’re not doing it anyway by snooping around his bedroom without permission.) I gave the space an overall scan while asshole-me analysed stuff in my head, and only moved things around when it came to the most obvious hiding places. It didn’t take a lot to conclude a woman hadn’t stepped foot inside the prim room. And when I heard the clinking of cups, I rushed back to the living room and nearly tripped into the coffee table in my haste to sit down on the couch. Ten seconds later, Hanji entered with a steaming cup of coffee in hand. Her smile made my shoulders tense.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” Her brown eyes settled on my face and I deliberately maintained eye contact prior to speaking up because one of the few practical lessons on Psychology Erwin Smith had taught had been about making a good impression on somebody. Eye contact strengthened trust and promoted honesty and determination. It was low of me to apply this here but, like I’d entertained myself at the hotel by playing a lame detective, here I needed to be a proper secret agent.

“You and Mr. Smith are good friends, as far as I know. Did he tell you about his feelings for Annie before they got together?” A gentle smile sat on my lips as I curiously gazed into Hanji’s eyes. The action and expression were both meant to predispose her to trust my pure intentions and I guess they did. Now, this here – playing a dumb little lamb – was a Raven trick, not a psychological one.

“Well, I had a hunch the girl he liked to talk about was a student but he never told me outright her name or specified anything inappropriate, if that’s what you’re hinting at. I wouldn’t be so happy for him if there was anything fishy going on.” Hanji grinned and I sipped on my coffee with a hum. My brows raised at the taste. If nothing else, I’d say this woman made excellent coffee. I would certainly visit again. When I put my cup down, I shook my head.

“No, no. Same here really. I had my suspicions at some point but somebody who waits that long is genuine in his feelings so, that at least I trust about him. When exactly did he mention her in that way, though? If he has at all.” She crossed her legs with a chuckle and leaned back against the couch. I crossed my legs, too. That, people, was called mirroring. Not a Raven trick. Just a woman’s trick of subconsciously making somebody else like you. Could never be a Raven trick because we were too good at picking up on it so we banished it altogether.

“Maybe a year ago. He was really torn back then because, you know, the age gap and all that. He felt guilty for it. But his feelings went maybe an additional year back. He told me Annie had become an object of interest for him about the time some water-balloon-related accident had made her take your place in detention so you could go on a date with your boyfriend. Then she’d persuaded Erwin into not punishing you because you’d been framed.” The story’s last few sentences were spoken in a softer voice, almost like Hanji was uncertain whether she was remembering everything correctly. I’d sipped on my coffee up until the last moment, when my hands put it down with an eager gasp. The mention of the situation had made my incessant frustration on the topic reignite.

“That’s the truth! Hitch threw the balloon at our History teacher and made a run for it so Annie and I looked guilty! It was an undeserved punishment and Eren was really looking forward to celebrating our anniversary that day, so there was no way I could miss it,” I defended fervently, scowling in outrage at the mere thought. I’d begged Annie to somehow slip out of detention, too, so we could later scheme how to prove it had been Hitch’s fault. Except my best friend had decided to be the brave knight. Still, another detail seemed to draw Hanji’s attention more.

“Eren? Eren Jaeger?” Her confused voice brought me back to reality only so I could hear my boyfriend’s (Ex-boyfriend, darling. Asshole-me corrected.) name out of her mouth. I bit back a spiteful snort at the arrogant tone in my head. The fact she was right was beside the point. The reminder was king of unneeded right now.

“Has Mr. Smith mentioned him?” I inquired cautiously, lifting my cup to my mouth in order for it to hide the uncertain pout of my bottom lip. I couldn’t be the perfect actress if we suddenly started talking about Eren Jaeger. Before I knew it, I’d gulped down the whole coffee and Hanji had watched me do it with an empathetic smile tugging at her lips. She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose before clearing her throat with a nod.

“Yeah. He mentions what a good couple you are.” Her smile was big and sincere, and most certainly not meant to hurt one bit. Not meant to make my heart clench like that. She couldn’t have known. Or maybe Annie had said it just once. Or maybe she hadn’t said it at all. My windpipe constricted at the incorrectly used present tense at the end of the sentence. I’d never thought a mere grammatical mistake could be so painful.

��Were. Anyways,” I deliberately avoided looking at the sudden realisation on her face whilst rising to my feet and giving her the brightest smile I could muster, “I should really get going. It was nice chatting with you.” I headed for the door and she followed suit with a muffled “visit again soon”. She locked the door after me and I rushed down the stairs and out of the building like the act of that would erase the last part of our conversation. Focusing on the mission at hand was more important right now. I shook Eren off my mind and contemplated my next step.

Now comes the real thing. His apartment’s like a monk pad, so if the school’s clear, too we know he’s innocent. The five-minute walk turned into a three-minute one due to all the physical strain I exercised in order to distract myself from the impending worsening of my mood. By the time I’d realised it, I was marching across the small park leading to the high school gates. And if he isn’t innocent? Asshole-me’s cocky rebuttal made me shake my head. You and I both know he is. Don’t play the devil. And before she could respond, I saw Mr. Smith’s silhouette in the distance and ducked behind a pair of bushes. He was with a woman I hadn’t seen amongst the staff prior to my graduation. I was spying on them when a hand rested on my shoulder. My soul left my body, I bit back a scream and was about to end a man’s whole career (and future offspring) with an uncalculated punch to the nuts when I heard Levi’s voice.

“Princess, what the hell are you doing here?” My father’s intern was crouching behind me with a suspicious frown that made me so angry I slapped his hand off my shoulder and stared at him with utmost indignation. He could’ve ruined my mission and I’d prefer not to get questioned on why I was stalking my high school teacher.

“Asshole, don’t do that,” I hissed with a racing heartbeat and he stayed quite unimpressed by my panic. “My soul was on its way out of my fucking body and--- Wait a second, what are you doing here?” I cut myself off in the middle of a rant and my brows furrowed because, frankly, he couldn’t have a brilliant excuse such as mine for lurking next to a high school like a top-notch creep.

“I asked first, so maybe I should get an---“ I muffled the rest of his retort with my hand as the other one pulled him by the collar so his head could hide behind the bushes properly. That resulted in him losing his balance and almost crashing into my chest but, luckily, that didn’t happen. With his arms on the ground on each side of my body and my fingers stubbornly pressing against his mouth, we listened to the incoming Mr. Smith and his female companion.

“Do you still have a lot of paperwork?” The gentle voice asking that made my lips purse. Then Levi bit into my fingers and forced them off his mouth. I gaped at his audacity and glared.

“We have a lot of transfers this year. I have to talk to two different families today.” The familiar tone of my former Psychology teacher sounded. My ears were graced by his heavy sigh, followed by a sympathetic hum from the woman next to him.

“It’s really hard being a teacher. The only work I did was when Mrs. Stevenson got a nasty papercut last week,” the nurse said, confirming her position as the alleged lover, which, more or less, made my eyes narrow in suspicion as Levi attempted to analyse my behaviour. This, however, was a puzzle he wouldn’t put together without any clues.

“You still come in, though. That’s what I call commitment.” I could imagine the blond’s smile as they kept walking towards the high school gates. Once their backs were facing us, I peeked through the bushes at them stirring their coffees and him letting her in first like a gentleman. They got lost around the corner and I let out a breath of relief before checking the small red crescents on my fingers with a pout.

“Now, why are you stalking Erwin?” Levi’s question reminded me of his presence and I turned to face him with a scoff. My determination to prove myself worthy of Annie’s friendship wouldn’t buckle in the face of his prejudice. I couldn’t half-ass anything when it came to this mission.

“Annie’s worried he might be cheating on her with the nurse so I’m checking to see if it’s true or not,” I explained with a nonchalant shrug that made the raven scowl at me disapprovingly. I would’ve probably sided with that kind of reaction if I hadn’t already tried and failed.

“You’re not giving Brows enough credit. He’s loyal to boot.” I doubted Levi was on equal par of friendship with Erwin as Hanji, but I knew he was a good judge of character. The fact his defence on the topic matched the one I’d had was the strongest weapon in existence, but, unfortunately, it wasn’t proof.

“I said the same, asshole, but this isn’t about what we know of Erwin’s character. It’s about my best friend’s feelings and I won’t be reassuring her empty-handed. Now, what are you doing here?” I was sure he would answer now that I’d given him my summary of the situation. And, as most times when it came down to it, I was right. He flatly explained (Action that let us spend time together or helped me in a way.) he’d seen me looking like a creep on his way to visit Hanji so he’d decided to check what was going on. His grey hues struck me like the warning look of a strict parent struck a curious child with a tendency of getting into trouble. Rightfully so, but a simple look wouldn’t stop me from making a fool of myself for the sake of my friendship. Maybe he already knew that. “Well, I skipped the second half of my shift to play a secret agent and since you have the story now, you can go.” I crossed my arms and stared at him challengingly. My expression tried to convey the message that he had to leave me be, but, as it turned out, he was deaf to such messages. It wasn’t a surprise that besides being arrogant he was also stubborn as a goddamn mule.

“You’ll fuck up if I don’t stay.” He stood from the ground and dusted off his clothes before offering little overly offended me a pale hand to grab. I didn’t take it, got up on my own and put my hands to my hips, expecting some further justification. Now, to this wordless message, he wasn’t deaf. How shocking. “You lack tact and you’re not deft or quiet enough to do this on your own.” He made me sound more like an ape than a human. The pattern couldn’t yet materialise in my mind but later I would realise (Excuse.) this had been exactly a part of it.

“And what’s your plan, Mr. Secret Agent?” I asked with a glare, folding my arms over my chest once more as he huffed and gestured for me to follow him. Moving deftly down the path through the trees, we reached the gates and he explained his plan, that wasn’t really a plan, so matter-of-factly it was almost like he’d been on such needlessly dramatic missions a thousand times. It reminded me of the night he’d gotten me to Hitch’s party with the handmade rope.

“If you want to spy on Erwin, we’ll have to sneak up to his office first. Trailing him is off-limits because he’s surprisingly shrewd. The only thing we can do is eavesdrop. And you’ll have to keep your mouth closed the whole time. Do you think you can?” The perfect grammar ruined the effect but the intent stayed and I pushed at his shoulder with a glare as we crossed the yard and slipped inside the building.

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that last one,” I smiled wryly and he snorted. “And what were you in a past life – in the mafia?” The joking inquiry made him huff as we went up the stairs to the Psychology cabinet on the second floor where he was supposed to be doing paperwork. If we were lucky, we wouldn’t run into the families he had meetings with and if we were unlucky, like most times, well… we’d improvise because we were relatively good at it.

“If I was, I would’ve said to put a gun in his mouth and just ask him if he’s cheating or not.” The volume of Levi’s voice had dropped since we were nearing our destination but that didn’t prevent me from hearing the muffled tone of my former teacher. I blurted out a sharp “shut up” and my alarmed gaze bore into Levi’s face but he was dead-set on not obeying me, even in a situation as crucial as this one was. Not a life-or-death predicament, certainly, but a decent secret agent had to avoid being questioned at all cost. “You shut up,” the raven returned with furrowed eyebrows, making my lips purse.

“No, really.” The sombreness in my voice was clearly incapable of conveying the message that I genuinely needed him to clamp his piehole shut. And when he opened his mouth to defy me once more, only my nickname slipped out before my hand muffled the rest. I’d had it. I grabbed the back of his shirt and tugged towards the door we’d stopped next to. My own ear leaned against the cold wood and the raven’s icy glare pierced my temple when Erwin’s voice sounded on the other side, shutting up whatever wordless message the intern had for my tactless ways.

“I’m sure she doesn’t know. It’ll be an unpleasant surprise, so we’ll keep it a secret instead.” A gentle timbre and an amused chuckle like that coming from Erwin Smith would’ve made Annie’s knees wobble but the only thing they did to me was heavy damage. My eyes widened and I met Levi’s surprised gaze in order to exchange opinions telepathically – the one advantage of all that mind-reading he performed all the time.

Are you hearing what I’m hearing? My unbelieving expression asked, making the raven nod weakly in confirmation. My fingers slowly parted from his mouth. Tell me it’s not what I think it is. I begged with pursed lips and knitted brows, only to have him give me a helpless look and a shake of his head. Can’t do that princess. Came the response. I could almost hear him say it with his tone doing that small regretful dip. I weakly slapped the back of his head with narrowed eyes in order to voice my reprimand. Real reassuring, asshole. The conversation ended there, as the unsuspecting blond teacher on the other side of the door spoke up once more.

“If we’re careful, she won’t find out. I’ll see you later.” I couldn’t believe I was hearing such things from Annie’s fateful boyfriend’s lips. Not to mention, the moralist preacher on duty who’d lectured me for four years. If this wasn’t a misunderstanding, I would probably try to punch him. “I love you. Bye.” This was probably the end of the conversation. I grabbed Levi’s wrist and pulled him into the next cabinet in line, which I knew for a fact was abandoned at all times of the year. Why I knew it was a story which mostly consisted of Eren and I making out there and never getting caught because it was one of those empty places lazy authors used for turning plot points in stories about high school romance.

“We heard what we heard,” I concluded gravely, hopping up on the teacher’s desk as Levi stood by the whiteboard and glared at his feet as though they’d give him the legitimate excuse that would redeem what we’d just eavesdropped on. The most he came up with was the relatively weak defence that Erwin had been on the phone. I craned my neck to observe the white ceiling and avoid his pointed gaze. “That sounds like a good cheating strategy and it adds up with what Annie told me about the nurse calling him daily,” I reasoned calmly, making Levi hum as he crossed his arms. Everything we’d heard was incriminating but there was no way for us to prove his innocence. Unless… I looked back at him with a giant grin. It didn’t take him long to notice the crazy glint lingering about in my hues. “There’s one way to find out,” I mused slyly and the mind-reader hurried to object.

“No, princess. We’ve already committed a form of trespassing and this is the dictionary definition of a violation of one’s privacy.” He stepped forth firmly, a warning standing out in his eyes. I shrugged with as much carelessness as I had in me and folded my arms in an attempt to provoke him.

“Don’t be a chicken, asshole. You go in and get him out of the room, preferably with his phone not on him. I’ll sneak in and check who he was talking to. It’s that simple. You were right in sensing you had to come along.” First, provoke. Second, negotiate and belittle. Third, mock. I was smirking and he could sense there was more. The most important step that triggered what was dearest to him – namely, his pride. “Unless you’d rather we do this the right way and ask him straightforwardly? A perfect little boy like you would love that, won’t he?” Fourth, patronise. Fifth, condescend. In simpler terms – fish, line, hook – and look, we’ve got a fish already. This technique our family called the Jared Raven Special.

“You’ll owe me so fucking much,” he grumbled in frustration as I bit back a victorious grin. Not that this had a way of failing, taking into account it worked on everybody. But also, pride was important to Levi. Reputation. Being good and behaving and acting with just a bit of condescension because he was better than others. Because he was. But now the line between bad and better was blurry because morals meant doing something he was mortified of and getting called out on it sure had to feel like a nightmare. Things like breaking the law in small doses were no longer of importance when he had to prove himself.

“I can pay you back in kisses,” I mocked innocently, fluttering my eyelashes at his glare and knowing he’d refuse. The “please act your age” look he gave me only fuelled my wish to keep going. “No?” I piped with a smile, slowly morphing into a smirk as my lips parted. “I thought so.” My smugness came apart when he stepped forward. Maybe I deserved this payback, what with shutting him up and cutting him off so many times today. I certainly didn’t expect it to take such (pleasant) form. His lips caught me off guard when they landed on mine. Then my hands cupped his face and his hand tugged on my waist. He smelled of lavender shampoo and I felt like I was a sophomore again. To somebody else, we probably looked like a horny pair taking part in the movie adaptation of a random romance novel with a sappy ending. “That was a violation of my personal space,” I breathed out, hand against his chest as he snorted. Heat crept up the back of my neck when our eyes met and I pushed at his chest, gaze averting. “Now go.” He left the room silently and I took a deep breath prior to hopping off the desk. I eavesdropped – muffled conversation, some cussing, the closing of a door – and when the footsteps fading down the hallway disappeared altogether, I left my hiding place, looked around warily, slipped into the Psychology cabinet and snatched Erwin’s phone from the desk with an elated fist-bump. My exultation was short-lived.

“Fuck’s sake, he has a password. Let it be something sappy.” So I tried Annie’s birthday. A message in red announced the reduced number of attempts I had to get this stupid thing unlocked before shutting down. I tried his mother’s birthday because Annie had told me once he actually had a proper relationship with her. Nothing. I tried a typical grandpa password of repetitive zeros. Nothing. I tried the date of the water balloon accident. Nothing. I knew nobody said last time was the charm because it wasn’t true but I was about to fact-check that since I could already hear Levi’s voice down the hallway, which meant I had to hurry up.

Last chance, darling. Be him for a second and insert yourself in a relatively meaningless existence full of duty. Now, what’s the best day he’s lived? Asshole-me had never been a big help in situations that required composure because she often made me lose it, but her rhetorical questions flipped the switch. The best day he’d lived? The one on which he could be with Annie, of course, taking into account the rude stuff with the meaningless existence and all that my asshole side blurted out. No other day, in hindsight, would matter as much – not even the one on which she’d been born or the one when they’d met. Fingers crossed. I typed the date of our graduation and the screen unlocked, revealing his call history along with the answer to all my questions and Annie’s worries.

My eyes widened at the call log, I turned off the phone and left it exactly where I’d taken it from, sneaking out of the room as soundlessly as possible right after. Or, at least, that was how the original plan went. Nothing was ever that simple when it came down to applying theory to practice. We could compare this to dancing for a second. Yes, think of this mission as dancing. When Mr. Smith and Levi entered the room, I was involved in a motionless tango with myself inside the tall locket next to the door. Then I did the only thing I could think of and texted my father’s intern.

I need help, asshole. My SOS dinged in his back pocket and he read the message while Erwin was taking a seat at his desk. The raven’s lips pursed. My chicken was mad at me. Not a surprise.

I can’t leave you alone for two seconds. Where are you? Even his typing sounded angry. I could see him scowl as he faced the whiteboard and tried not to grunt in exasperation. I replied as quickly as possible, wishing to get out of my hiding place for fear the weird smell of chemicals would make me sneeze.

*One-hundred and twenty. And I’m in the locker to your left. I need a diversion to get out. At that, I felt like his wide eyes successfully managed to pierce the metal parting us so he could glare me down into a puddle. Before he could type a reply of his own, Erwin turned to address him and made us break our alleged eye contact.

“In relation to that, Levi, I was thinking about a conversation I had with Hanji. I know I have no right to criticize, but I ask you to be more aware of the girl’s feelings.” The blond’s concerned expression, along with the confusing speech that obviously annoyed Levi, made my nose scrunch up in puzzlement. I didn’t need an additional load of encrypted information when everything had been successfully unravelled at last.

“In this case, she has none. And shitty-glasses has no right to discuss those things with you.” Levi looked just a bit angry, to say the least. I wondered if he would’ve reacted the same way had he not been aware I was in the room. I squinted at his profile through the little gaps in the locker and saw him glaring at Erwin like the blond had insulted his whole family tree. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, forming spiteful fists that made my head tilt in mild confusion.

“That’s true but you know how she is. We talk about everything and she always wants to help out. In this case, she thinks I can be the one offering advice.” Erwin tried to ease the tension but his gentle voice only made Levi’s shoulders tense further. It was almost like his storage of abilities consisted of everything but being composed right now.

“Your Psychology degree doesn’t mean you can lecture me about feelings every time we meet. You’re perceptive enough, so get the gist that I don’t want to talk about this.” Levi rolled his eyes at the whiteboard before leaning back against the first row of desks. Folding his arms over his chest was, as I’d long figured out, a defence mechanism against unwanted conversations that – albeit hardly functional – he never stopped putting to use.

“It’s not about feelings this time, it’s about attachments. You like to renounce the former but everybody has the latter.” Blue clashed with grey as the blond teacher intertwined his fingers over the wooden desk he sat behind. The words that left his mouth made Levi snort with so much spite it made my brows raise in surprise. The following curt denial the raven provided only proved he was too proud to admit he had feelings of any kind.

“I don’t.” Getting a hand through his hair was a sign of frustration and, accompanied by those two short words, it almost made me scoff from inside the narrow locker. The circumstances preventing me from doing it, however, weren’t present in my former teacher’s case. Erwin scoffed at my father’s intern, an amused smile tugging at his lips as their eyes met.

“Then what is that still doing around your neck? The event was done long ago. Hanji also says you never take it off. She tried to take a look at it once and… what was it? Oh yeah, you nearly slapped her.” The words made Levi flinch. I blinked owlishly at the scene because my attention was brought to the silver necklace poking from under the collar of his shirt. I’d seen it once or twice thus far but never thought about it too much. Levi grumbled and approached the window a second prior to snapping.

“It just became a habit to wear it. Look, if you’re going to keep talking about this, at least let’s do it by an open window so I can jump if I get too tired of listening.” He opened the window and the blond rose from his seat to join him, either out of need for fresh air or for fear the raven might actually keep his word. I didn’t know which, but I knew this was my chance. Keeping as quiet as possible, I opened the locker, only for it to make a loud click. I sprang for the door like a wild cat.

“Did you hear anything?” Erwin’s voice sounded but it was too late – I was leaning against the wall outside with a hand over my mouth to muffle my ragged breathing and wide eyes blinking at the empty hallway in mild panic. This has been a close one.

“Seems like old age is catching up unexpectedly fast – you’re hearing things now. I have to get going,” Levi said, making me breathe out in relief as I heard his nearing footsteps.

“We didn’t even---“

“I don’t care. I didn’t come to discuss feelings.” The door opened when the raven cut off Erwin and his pale clammy fingers wasted no time in grabbing my upper arm the moment he turned the corner. Without exchanging as much as a glance, we paced down the empty hallway.

“Attachments!” My former teacher’s offended exclamation followed us and made our panicky heartbeats quicken further. I would’ve giggled at the pettiness but we were skipping two steps at a time and Levi’s expression was so constipated I thought I could spare him a bit.

“Tell me you managed to look at his phone,” the raven grumbled flatly, sounding too close to dead on the inside that just a single note of an octave lower would’ve let his voice finally match the way his skin looked at all times. I threw him a sideways glance he decided to ignore for the sake of putting his hands in his pockets, which, in turn, drew my attention to his outfit. I hadn’t had time to evaluate it in our adrenaline-fuelled haste. He was wearing a plain pair of black jeans and a simple black T-shirt that seemed just a bit tight around the chest. Just great – when I was set on avoiding him, too. It was amazing how my perception of his outfits depended greatly on the firmness of my decision to not engage in any “sexual” physical contact with him.

“We’re technically saved because he was talking to Annie, but I do need to verify one last thing to reassure her properly considering all aspects of the issue. Prepare for a little bit of panic and a yelp.” I glanced ahead as we took on the last flight of stairs to the first floor when I sensed Levi throwing me a doubtful look. However, it was too late. I knew the nurse’s office was mere feet away from us and I had to put my best acting skills to use. The lack of audience for a conceited person like me was a pity.

“What the fuck is that supposed to---“

I grit my teeth, shut my eyes and kicked my own ankle like I’d kick a molester in the groin. There began my journey through the air to the hard floor at the foot of the stairs. My shrill shriek sounded – made to sound as realistically as possible, closely followed by the fleeting touch of Levi’s fingers on mine as he tried to catch me. I heard him curse. It was loud and my palms stung when I caught myself at the last second, taking my time to sit up before taking a breath and biting back a sigh.

“It hurts so much,” I wailed loudly and Levi stared at me in visible shock. My eyes were pinned to the nurse’s office’s open door and then – the fair-haired woman rushing out with a worried expression on her youthful face. My head bowed and I inspected my red palms with a blank expression, thinking of a way to make this spectacle as believable as possible.

“Are you okay? What happened?” The nurse’s melodic voice was laced with concern and her brows were furrowed as I stared up at her like a kicked puppy whilst continuously recalling Eren’s voice as he broke up with me. My asshole side, set on saving me the actual pain, pulled at the question marks of each painful inquiry (What’s Eren doing now? Is he well? Does he ever miss me? Has he found somebody else?) that tried jabbing itself into my mind and hauled them across its entirely to the very back, where they wouldn’t be too big a bother just yet.

“We were visiting my boyfriend’s former teacher and I tripped. It really hurts.” Tears visibly pushing at the corners of my eyes, I threw Levi a pointed look while the nurse tried to examine my ankle. Her blond locks swayed as she eyed my slumped posture apprehensively, dainty fingers tucking a small strand of short hair behind her ear.

“Come to my office, I’ll get a better look there. Do you think you can walk?” Her countenance nearly pierced my resolve as it soared soothingly above me with an outstretched hand so frail it could’ve done no indecency whatsoever. Not like Annie’s hands, with their small palms and calloused knuckles, skin worn out by the help she lent to her father and the several fights she’d initiated to protect me. Not at all alike, those two pairs of hands. I knew which I liked best. I gritted my teeth in determination, grabbed the fair-haired woman’s fingers and attempted to lift myself off the ground.

“Ow!” A pained groan left my lips as soon as my “wounded” ankle was put into action and I stumbled. The nurse couldn’t keep me upright but when I thought I’d fall back onto the floor (Oh, the woes of a dedicated actor! I need an OSCAR, father!) my head bumped into a toned chest and a protective pair of arms held me up. My stance relaxed like melting gelatin when my eyes locked with his. “Levi, carry me,” I whined, ignoring the way his fingers twitched over my shoulder at the sound of his name. My (for the third time now) fake boyfriend rolled his eyes and complied with my request as the nurse led us to her office, hoisting me up into his arms in the blink of an eye and forcing me to stifle a yelp as my arms instinctively wrapped around his neck. “Grab her phone while she examines my ankle. You have about a minute to check her texts with Erwin,” I whispered firmly, to which the intern’s ashen hues darkened murderously at my face. His grip on my back tightened and my eyes slid down the length of his nose to the curve of his thin lips and then, the collar of his shirt. My eyes narrowed at the silver necklace hiding beneath.

“There will be a password.” The retort slipped past his pursed lips, making me snort as he spied on the nurse’s back and walked as slowly as possible towards the door she disappeared past. I held onto him, suppressing the urge to steal glances of his necklace again and check whether I could make out anything about it or the pendant its existence presupposed.

“I can bet you five bucks there won’t be.” I barely had the time to whisper it before he stepped through the door and put me down on the bed by it with surprising gentleness – in comparison to the way he’d lifted me up at least. The nurse crouched in front of me and cautiously observed my dangling legs and their red knees as the raven-haired intern reluctantly scanned the room for her phone. Once he saw it on the desk by the window, he approached with slow soundless steps and a pair of furrowed brows.

“I want you to tell me exactly where it hurts.” The nurse’s words stripped Levi of my intent gaze as I nodded compliantly and felt her fingers roll down my sock after taking off my shoe. Fingertips firmly moving over the places she considered to have been fractured, she was still oblivious to the lack of pain I would show under normal circumstances. So now I had to think up a spot that hurt, too. And while her fingers felt around my tendons, joints and bones, I let out small “it doesn’t hurt”, “hurts just a bit” and “no, to the other side.” And my own oblivious ass didn’t at all expect what came next.

“Ouch, yes, there,” I exclaimed in surprise, wide eyes and gritted teeth, and asshole-me was laughing inside my head. Karma – or whatever this was – obviously hadn’t decided to treat me kindly today. The nurse gave me an apologetic look and I glanced at Levi in mild panic when she stood up and went to grab something from the cabinet across the room but he was prepared – leaning against the window and nonchalantly gazing down at his own phone. “God, I’m so clumsy,” I chuckled awkwardly when the nurse returned and began tending to my ankle.

“It happens to everyone. I skipped some stairs a few days ago, too,” she shared with a small reassuring smile while Levi glared at me before making sure she wasn’t about to turn around anytime soon so he could get to work. I leaned back against the wall and let her put a compress on my ankle as a sigh left my pouting lips. I had to get in character.

“It’s dangerous when the school’s almost empty. Isn’t it lonely having only teachers around?” Empathy packed into a compassionate statement did wonders to prompt the nurse’s opinion on the matter. I guessed she was a good person, but I couldn’t be sure so I was yet to be burdened by guilt on the topic of manipulating her in such a heartless manner. But, well, if I could do it for my family for pride and money, I sure could do it to a stranger for my best friend and love.

“Not really if they are your friends, but since I’m new here, I suppose it’s still a bit uncomfortable. It takes time to adjust.” She gave a sheepish smile and a gentle crease appeared in the middle of her forehead. My chin dipped as I observed Levi guiltily grab her phone over her shoulder and turn it on, grey eyes not once moving to look at me.

“The teacher we visited was really nice – Mr. Smith, if I remember correctly. You should make friends with him. He seems kind.” The suggestion, asshole-me and I agreed, didn’t come from either of us – it came from the naïve five-year-old I wished I’d never been. Still, even she helped sometimes. The innocent voice did, too. And I was glad to have lived through one too many Thanksgiving Holidays, Christmases and Lamb Holidays to be able to steer the conversation exactly where I wanted it to be.

“We’ve been on good terms so far but he’s got a lot of work.” The nurse brushed a wavy lock behind her ear as I gave a small snort and leaned down to whisper closer to her ear. If this next line didn’t do the trick, I would have to think of a back-up plan. But it would do the trick because there was nothing people loved more than finding they shared something with somebody else. So if this was a homewrecker, she’d love to hear from a cheating whore. And if it was a superficial woman with a crush and minimal intentions to pursue it, she’d love to hear from an immorally superficial teenager. Win-win. For me at least.

“Don’t tell my boyfriend, but I think he’s kind of hot. A bit old for me, though.” Sweet as honey and ever so lacking in the implausibility department, the words seemed not to strike even remotely close to any kind of chord in the woman in front of me. My red knees stung as she disinfected them with the caution of a surgeon and my face briefly fell when she didn’t grace me with as much as a doubtful glance.

“He’s not exactly my type, but I suppose you’re right.” She shrugged and my jaw would’ve gone slack had I possessed less composure. It took me a second to banish my bewilderment for the sake of prodding further by asking if she had a boyfriend if Mr. Smith didn’t interest her. The curious inquiry made her chuckle. “Not really.” Her hazel gaze darted up to meet mine and her sides reddened briefly in joy. Her next words made me (nearly break character) shit my pants. “I’ve been married for seven years now. My husband’s the sweetest man in the universe and you should see our daughter – so excited to finally go to school. Erwin is actually helping me get her into a decent elementary because he’s got connections.” Her attention returned to my ankle as she checked the bandage and I used the window of opportunity to frantically gesture at Levi. Alarms blared in both our heads as he put the phone whence he’d taken it like it had stung him and I was caught red-handed amidst my panic. “Is everything okay?” She quirked a brow, worried and naïve, and I didn’t have the heart to act like a hollow-headed girlie anymore. My hand was frozen in air where it had repeatedly slashed in front of my throat in order to make Levi bail on our plan.

“Yes, everything’s fine. I was just fanning myself because the air is a bit stuffy. But your family sounds great.” I awkwardly fanned myself with that same hand as Levi stepped away from the desk and came to my side. The nurse gave us a wondrous smile prior to standing up with the announcement my ankle hadn’t sustained serious injury and needed just a bit of rest for a few days to be back to normal. “Thank you for the check-up. I hope everything goes well with your daughter’s enrollment.” We walked out after that – I was limping and Levi was shaking his head in what I liked to believe was a mixture of bewilderment and disappointment.

“How did you know?” Came the bored question once we’d arrived at the gates. I took a second to process what it meant and a sly smile slipped over my lips as I explained with a careless shrug that she was a nurse. I knew he was clueless as to how her profession was in any way related to her password. I glanced at his profile. Not cold today. “What’s that supposed to mean?” His sharp gaze bore into mine and I looked ahead, suddenly finding the front a more comfortable view to observe.

“It means a secret agent has to keep some secrets to themselves.” I could feel my lips curl at the edges as a pair of snorts sounded a second later. Mine was self-assured and his sounded tired of life. “I guess the whole conflict is resolved now. I’ll call Annie to give her a full report later.” The smile on my face softened as we crossed the park and passed the bushes we’d hidden behind about twenty minutes earlier. It seemed like a good idea to nudge the raven’s side. “I’ll make sure to tell her I couldn’t have managed without my chicken.” I glanced up and (Silence.) saw his eyes were pinned to the front. He clicked his tongue in distaste at the new nickname. We both knew it wouldn’t hold. We kept quiet afterwards, walking and listening to the speeding cars, and watching our step over the pavement.

“Your father mentioned the business trip today. We’re going next Tuesday and returning a week later.” The declaration startled me out of my thoughtless daze. I glanced at him but he didn’t look. Over his shoulder, I saw the cars. It didn’t click at all that he was purposefully walking on that side. I curiously questioned the destination and had to put my acting skills to use yet again. I had no right to feel bad that he was going on vacation but that wasn’t it. The whole situation left a bad taste in my mouth. What if he never came back, like Will? I had my reasons to think Levi wouldn’t mention anything to anybody in case he decided to go back home, because they might try to change his mind. “Minnesota for others, New Jersey for us,” he said, eyes pinned to the concrete beneath his feet. Too indulged in thoughts of next Tuesday, I didn’t see him look at my limping form.

“The beach sounds good.” I smiled and it felt forced. “Try to tan and if you come back looking like a tomato, I’ll never let you live it down,” I mused with a strained smirk as asshole-me, contrary to my expectations, decided to help me dismiss the unnerving question (Will you come back at all?) from my mind so I could return to playing a more plausible version of myself. Levi scoffed and stated he was tanning enough. His hands were in his pockets and I threw him a pointed look. My fingers were tugging on the pockets of my own shorts. “The only thing you did was get a sunburned nose on my birthday, asshole. Don’t flatter your complexion that much.” I rolled my eyes and he glared at my temple.

“I don’t need constructive criticism from an overdone steak,” he spat flatly, canines flashing in the afternoon sun like most times he became a tad bit snarky during our banter. I suppressed the urge to stare, mostly because it would lead to the thought of his mouth and how it had been on mine less than an hour ago.

“Very well, porcelain boy. Just don’t be offended when somebody in New Jersey mistakes you for a ghost.” I elbowed his shoulder with a huff, making us both face the front. I came to realise sometime later that we were walking so close we were inches apart from looking like a pair of lovebirds incapable of touching because of the heat. A ridiculous comparison. We could never look like that. One would think I’d go back to maintaining my twelve-inch distance after realising it wasn’t there, but today, I didn’t feel like it. Not at all, not right now and not until we reached the house. We were back home in less than half an hour, Levi called Hanji to tell her he wouldn’t be coming over at all and my ankle was throbbing under the cool compress as I lay on my bed and told Annie about my adventures.

I omitted the part where I’d kissed my father’s intern again and she was ecstatic to hear the love of her life was far from cheating on her – in fact, he was such a good person she would ring him up and surprise him with a date. I chatted with my best friend for nearly an hour, then we hung up and I decided to go downstairs and reward myself with a sandwich for a job well done, but Levi the mind-reader had beat me to the task. Two dishes full of triangular sandwiches sat on the marble counter, along with two cups – one with coffee and one with tea. And, of course, the handsome ebony-haired intern I didn’t think I’d ever deserve. My sandwich had no peppers. A crooked smile spoke of my gratitude instead of my vocal cords and I dug into my meal, thinking of my diet all the while. It was ironic that the one snack I couldn’t touch was sitting right next to me.

Repeat.

“You should’ve told me sooner,” I scolded over the phone, turned away from the guy sitting inside the restaurant waiting for me so I could argue with the asshole I’d come to tolerate outside. My eyes were glued to my ring and I tried to pick at it while waiting for Levi’s response.

“I’m not supposed to report to you, princess. It was just a suggestion.” His spiteful snort was audible and I could imagine his eyes glaring so vividly it was as if I’d seen it happen right in front of me. Shuffling of clothes was heard in the background as I pouted, visibly irritated with how bad he’d been at managing the simple piece of information he gave me now.

“Well, you should’ve made it sooner because I’m busy and won’t be back home before nine.” I was frowning and my lips were pursed in frustration when he flatly noted my shift wasn’t that long. A small question mark hung at the end of the statement ever so timidly and I nearly wheezed. “No, I’m… having dinner.” The pause gave it away. Levi was so good at reading me he immediately knew what I was trying to hide. The indifference with which he called out my lie wasn’t something I enjoyed.

“You should’ve just said you were on a date with Rivers. I’m not your boyfriend so I won’t get jealous.” I could imagine him scoff. I could imagine the downward curl of his lips. I could imagine him folding his clothes. I knew the discovery hadn’t affected him in any way. Maybe I was hoping for something, but (He’s not like that and we both know it.) asshole-me was good at making me feel bad about it, without even sounding catty. I gulped and I knew I had to get over myself. Levi wasn’t my slave or anything of the sort. Not my boyfriend either.

“I’m aware of that, asshole, but it’s not an actual date. Adam covered for me last Friday during our secret mission so I’m repaying him,” I explained casually, twirling a strand of my hair around my finger in thought. I glanced at the setting sun and the people on the street, ignoring the way my heart pounded like I was being chased by a wild animal.

“It’s been his biggest dream since he met you anyway. And since we’re leaving early tomorrow, I won’t wait up.” In other words – I had to avoid getting my hopes up. It wasn’t unexpected. I was nowhere near thinking he’d stay up to see me. I wouldn’t if I were him. “Have fun on your date,” he drawled flatly, not a hint of mockery present. He was too tired to make fun of me and I was too disappointed to tease him about it.

“Likewise. Keep count of the girls who hit on you,” I reminded before he hung up and I made my way inside the restaurant, taking my seat across from Adam, who browsed the menu with such glistening orbs it made me smile. It was nice to see somebody this excited, no matter the context. And when he asked whether that had been my scary friend, I nodded, mustering all the smiles and energy I had left after a tiring day at work. Adam deserved nothing less right now. “Yeah, he’s going on a vacation.” It gave him the green light to keep perusing the menu. He was so eager I would’ve thought he’d gone the day without eating. “Now order whatever you want. It’s my treat for your help on Friday.”

“Everything for you, seeing as you’re willing to do so much for a friend.” He put down the menu and closed it with a smile. His eyes dipped to my bare knees and my bandaged ankle before returning to my face. What I’d done was nothing compared to what Annie did for me, but it had gotten her spirits up, so maybe it was something. I returned it had been a cool secret mission and the waiter approached our table, took our orders and went away as Adam tilted his head curiously. “Did it fix everything?” Suddenly, I was mute. My heart felt like a therapy ball getting squished and the silver around my ring finger stung unpleasantly, sending a dreaded reminder to the surface of my mind. One I’d rather go without.

Levi could disappear. He could go back to his quiet hometown surrounded by pretty views by (Loire) that river he’d told me about many times I’d never put effort into remembering the name of. He could go back to his mother and little sister and be happy without us. Us? Yes, us – me, my parents and our house. The house I’d been very opposed to calling “his” at the beginning. His room would be empty tomorrow morning and it could stay like that if he so wished. He could leave and I’d have no say in it because I wasn’t part of the big picture for him. Just a temporary visitor – a smudge in the corner he’d barely notice. My smart mouth hadn’t earned me a bigger role. If I’d been a good person, would it have?

At the wave of uncertainty, a bright NOT EXACTLY sign blinked somewhere inside my mind in baby blue, but, as it had become known to all, my answer came out way different than that because I just looked Adam in the eyes with the biggest smile known to mankind and chirped a very confident “yes”, like the manipulative liar I was.

tag list: @unloved-cadillac ; @donaldthrts

[monstrouslyobsessed]

at this rate ima beat this jack frost all black and blue with how much trouble it is to write something im happy with. sighs. anyway, i got some asks to answer! some of them got a tad too long so its all under the cut!

tw / tags: heavy heavy beastfolk lore/worldbuilding talk, momster talks too fucking much, breeding mentions, implied noncon, multiple pregnancy mentions, long post, beastfolk / beastfolks characters mentioned: revius, zedrik, cerelos (brief), sea witch, adoxi, and velarius

Beast folk idea I have! How about a male kangaroo that is of course some type of famous professional athlete (aside from boxing, he could be a martial artist, sprinter, etc.) that has been a play boy all his life (based off of how male kangaroos flex their muscles in real life to females). He never I guess had any “moment” in his life with any females, where he felt right actually wanting to be with them and love them whole heartedly (whether beastfolk of his own species or those not). So then one day someone he knows (close friend or maybe a work professional) takes him to an exclusive private party where the beastfolk have “rented” some humans to do it with. (I don’t know lore wise how legal this is, if at all, but it happened some how). I guess it’s so private because some of the guests there are secret human efers, those in denial, or just haven’t found the “right human” yet and would like some hands on sampling before purchasing them. And so, that’s how the kangaroo meets us his adorable darling. And I’d really like this to be very sweet and fluffy (before becoming mouth watering smutty of course), with kangaroo just having a “zing!” moment with us. We were the female he needed to feel complete in regards to love, and he plans to take GREAT care of us. (It’d also be funny to show how overprotective he is of reader from the start, by him unhesitatingly outbidding some of the other party guests who’ve also taken interest in reader). Of course it isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, as reader has trust/abandonment/attachment issues. So finding out that her new kangaroo owner is (was) a MASSIVE play boy isn’t helping her fears. Now it’s up to kangaroo to do damage control, learn how to be a much better beast man, and show his sole love/devotion to reader. Making sure she’ll never question his love/loyalty to her ever again! He wants to make her the envy of his past flings, other beastmen, and just everybody really, since she’s the center of his universe. (Kangaroo also wants to really make her his permanently by getting her knocked up/wifey too). I don’t know if you’d like this idea/concept, but I thought it’d be very cute. I just love the trope of a Casanova finding their soul mate, and having to fix all the damage they’ve caused themselves by their own consequences. Cause it really is a self conflict, and great for character growth arcs. (I also just wanna be spoiled/doted on endlessly by a man who’s capable to throw hands literally and figuratively 24/7 to protect me). Thanks 🪭 —anonymous

hmmm, a bit -too- overdetailed for me to write this one since i like some breathing room to apply my own spins. tbf, it sounds like you already got it started! all you needed to do is to write it~if you write this one, link me! i wouldn't mind reading it and supporting fellow writers <3

while it is -my- au, i especially love seeing what it inspired in others and see their interpretations of it! while the worldbuilding remains mine (STILL chewing on starting a book/series on it someday, but the thought of publishing anything is scary af), it's literally just (semi-realistic) furries mingling with humans with extra history/political dramas included.

so, as long as you keep your worldbuilding somewhat different and source the inspiration to me, have at it. write your own beastfolk world!

anyway, on the finer details (for my AU anyway), as long as those humans are 'beastfolk-owned' and not green card/independent humans, they're essentially viewed as property to do whatever with albeit with responsibilities to ensure their well-being. as long as they're fed and have open access to water, have sufficient shelters, are clean, and their health is regularly checked, their owners can do whatever they want, really. the court won't interfere as long as the humans are safe and healthy—and mind you, the beastfolks are very slow on the uptake about the mental health, less so with their humans'.

that said, this can also depend greatly on what region they're in. some areas have far more human rights than others, being more liberal, while others may be more conservative and views humans as, well, livestock, essentially. humans in these places sometimes have the same rights as actual animals (if they're lucky). that said, the more rural it is, the fewer rights the human pets have.

of course, money DOES talk too.

so, you can just easily say that your characters are either in one of those conservative regions—or have shady connections and/or have an insane amount of money where the laws would just look the other way. just don't make it public and you're good to go, pretty much.

auctions would probably be a common sight in certain black markets, depending on where you are and when you are on the timeline. the zoo breakout to the early post zoo eras sees many of those events. on the most parts in the later era, those auctions are then transformed into whole new events entirely (aka, sports), which is the logical next step since they used to be the aftermath for when the bidding was ending in an outright war between several bidders and was used to solve the issue. instead of bidding, you'd complete for the human you wanted (i'm not clear at how the human would end up there yet since i don't feel any reputable shelter would align with those events for the 'adoption war' or that the adoption is the only way. still debating on this--in any case, the darling ends up there when there are more than two beastfolks fighting over them) and prove your worth while treating the unfortunate human like a rat bait (see: the maze headcanon i wrote a while ago—and am planning to write a whole piece of it to properly thank a very kind supporter when i'm able. some details had been changed since then, but it mostly still hold up).

in a lot of ways, the auctions were rather kinder to the humans as they wouldn't be put in outright danger right then. :/ the (new) spectator sports, such as the maze race, exploits multiple legal loopholes, since they involve no money (not outright anyway) as the auctions were (publicly) banned for "unregulated monetary transactions and the unpredictability of bid outcomes".

if anything, a good amount of these sports are...purely for "adult entertainment", if you get what i'm implying. ahem. the laws are actually pretty behind regarding the 'adult content/sports', especially with the open access of internet around then on that timeline. the large part of that had to do with encouraging the beastfolks to procreate with the humans though, so any form of sex between both races are simply not regulated outside the acceptable age range and limitations on physical violence/abuse and this includes the "entertainment" aspect.

it's fucked, but that's how they gets away with such things.. i'm rambling, but this can be a good alternative for you to think about too, to add on that extra drama flare and to further traumatize the human.

this is a super cute idea though and i sincerely hope you'll expand it yourself if you can! this is a very nice starting point too, if you're not used to writing. as for me, i'm not sure i can write all of this for you unfortunately, since i tend to go TOO long on just one scene and i have multiple ideas i wanna work on as well, aha. but you did give me room to talk the worldbuilding to help expand similar events like your idea so thank you for that. i can most definitely tell you that your poor fella is definitely not an isolated example.

Apparently penguins kidnap other penguins’ children to try and raise as their own. Was watching nature utube vids on this and it’s so sad! The desire to be a parent is so intense for some couples that they’ll take away another couple’s baby! How’d this play into your beast verse? What measures would government and organizations take to help combat this extreme phenomenon? And think about being a human parent and having your Penguin spouse come back with a random baby 💀💀💀 Even worse is if you’re in a Penguin community and have to fight off other penguins casually when you have your baby. On the streets, home break ins, etc. —anonymous

ngl featheredfolk (penguins are flightless but they're still birds and have feathers still so they count as one) is a bunch of odd birds with cultures other beastfolks often struggle to understand, especially with the dramas that often follow. children theft in general with the featheredfolks is complicated and tends to only involves the similar peers to sort it out, because outsiders (humans included, if not one of 'theirs' via being the spouse or the child/ren) would just get frustrated with their fucked logic to the point of being angry about it.

so, no, penguins wouldn't be the only birds that deal with this mannerism, but is the most common one to do so.

that said, they tend to have big enough noggins not to involve anyone who isn't a featheredfolk (and to an extent, wingedfolk), because they're still mostly prey in nature. skittishness towards the predator kind is basically ingrained in their dna.

but that's not to say such incidents never happened though! usually, it only happens when the community is actually quite small, that they have to 'outsource' to another beastfolk. it's a very dangerous thing to do though, since beastfolks are naturally very overprotective of their youngs. in cases where they do succeed with the kidnapping and escapes unscathed, it normally doesn't take long before the one they took the child from to track them down due to using their superior senses.

it's 50/50 on how it may end though and the laws would still side with the victims regardless of the outcome. hopefully, someone else would call the laws first to deal with such matters though and to calm the angry parent/guardian.

that said, i do imagine that the government would get around this annoying instinct by advertising adoptions as another option from the featheredfolk's early age in their school. they'd push it so much that the featheredfolk tends to feel like they were being singled out for it too.

...honestly, i'm not even sure how to answer this one fully. i should treat this as a serious question with a serious answer, but i can't.

the featheredfolks are legit viewed as the clowns of the beastfolk world already because of how...simpleminded most of them can be (not a bad thing!) 😭and now this. the birdbrains....still, i hope this somewhat answers your question(s)...?

Maybe I’m just blind and stupid, but did you touch up on beastfolk courtship rituals for some species? Ex- Birds may decorate, dance, or sing to court another. Hooved/fanged folk may literally fight each other to get rights to begin courtship with x. I’m just so curious to see what animal behaviors transfer to your universe! :) —anonymous

uhhhh, i don't think i really expand on those yet, no! the 'traditional' courtship rituals are more commonplace in the past than the 'modern' era, tbf, if between beastfolk and humans.

if it's just between two (or more) beastfolks, then yeah, 'traditional' courtship rituals are common.

in the present, it's a common understanding that the humans may not always understand their actions, so the beastfolk tends to adapt the best they could for 'the best of both worlds' kind of ritual—sometimes to the extreme mean though (lol).

for example, with the featheredfolks, for being a species with brittle bones, they're rather sturdy so they're often happy just living in a large treehouse and staying steady no matter the weather and season. it's more like an old cabin, with a lot of drafts. but, the thing is, neither (or more, i don't judge those in the poly relationships lol) would care, because the one doing the courting built it just for their love interest—and later built it better together for their upcoming new family members.

but for a featheredfolk genuinely interested in a human, would have to outright learn how to build a modern house—and that is far more complicated than just putting together a log cabin in the tree. they're very adaptive folks though and if they're sincere about the human, they'd go that far to at least attempt to build the foundation single-handedly. thankfully, the bird community is often tight-knit, so others would step in once the basic foundation is done and rally in.

(unlike our irl, everyone in that AU can at least afford some ways to build their own home and not be buried in the debts for the rest of their life. this is mainly because some specific beastfolks having an instinctive needs to build, that the common government would offer to offset some of the costs to abate those instincts from turning destructive.)

in their cases, even if the courting failed, the featheredfolk learned and can actually apply it to their lifeskill/career path/etc. for birdbrains, you'll see a lot of them in the engineering and architecture fields. (funny how that works!)

as you pointed out, yes, hoovedfolk and fangedfolk are more violent with their courting, but that's generally only in the cases where the love interest have more than one (alike) suitor vying for their affection. i'm not really sure how common that is in the more liberal areas tbf, but i do imagine it's a daily thing in the conservative/rural regions since those usually have a lot of, hm, predominant 'single-species' community? sorry, i'm not really sure how to word it.

since strength is what they consider their worth and humans rarely understand the point of physical violence, they'd probably show off what they're capable of instead—from lifting a car to carrying all the groceries at once for the human they're interested in. endurance too, so if the human is into, say, a sport or likes to run, they'd compete to show off just how good they are with either (though, i do like to think they'd carry their human on their back while running five more miles when the human gets tired--just to say, 'look at me! i'm not even tired yet and i'm carrying you!'). unlike the featheredfolks, fangedfolk and hoovedfolks are much milder about their courting.

whiskeredfolks are much more sly, but they like to show off how much they can provide (which is also something fangedfolk likes to do, but the former is often more subtle). usually involving money (and management) and ordering things their human hadn't realized they needed yet. things like that. they really likes to bring home food too, lol. since they can't exactly show off their hunting skills and bring home a bloodied deer carcass, providing is the next best thing with their human love interest.

there's more, but i'll stop here, but their courting rituals for their humans are basically 'modernized', with some species (obviously and hilariously so) trying harder than others.

tbf, parts of the birds' rituals were inspired by that tumblr meme on 'if men were like birds'. can't find that now though.

hope this answered you some?

Question:Revius and Zedrik- What’s family life with them now if you were to have 2 children (1 from each)? Just wondering how dynamics would change, what the children’s personalities would be like, etc. Sea Witch (octo man)- Can we have babies with him? And if we did would it be a multiple pregnancy since female octopuses (I know we are a modified human) technically lay hundreds of eggs. And how would family life be from there out? —anonymous

hm, i can't comment on the childrens personalities (and any other details, really) since that's kinda something i leave to the readers to decide.

honestly, both revius and zedrik would fall deeper in 'love' with their darling for enduring both of those difficult pregnancies, that they're rather clingy to them more so than to each other. though, granted, both knew how capable each other would be so it's more on how 'frail' their darling really is in comparison. zedrik is more openly emotional than revius is though, but revius is certainly more of the nagging type like a strict, doting mom might be. personally, i feel they'd butt heads more often after their children are born, (but never to the point of separating [imo anyway, they'd been together for some times before they decided to...'pursue' the darling]), because of how different their parenting styles were.

let's just say that cerelos' darling has an easier time wrangling with the emperor than their darling did with those two.

otherwise, they're both pretty devoted as fathers. i do imagine their kids would've been confused by their upbringings a bit though due to, again, differing parenting styles. the darling does their best though! but it's kinda hard to raise children double, triple your size lol

as for the sea witch, that's implied! i wanted to let the reader to decide on their own if they're going to have kids with him or not, rather than outright branding 'breeding kink' on the piece. but, yes, there'd be oviposition going on, had you wanted to imagine that storyline.

not sure if i understood you about the multiple pregnancies though, so i'll refrain from answering that one. instead, yes, the darling would probably carry multiple eggs and, well, egg laying. i do imagine the sea witch would've found a way to make that not at all a painful process (probably quite the opposite, tbf).

as for the family life, i'm...not at all sure. i'll leave that for you and other readers to decide. i honestly see the sea witch just enjoying the pregnancy, because to him, his darling is now ruined and marked with his seed (or, eggs). afterward? not sure if he'd enjoy the fatherhood too much, especially with multiple 8-legged kids running about.

he might be an excellent father

or he might genuinely be a shitty one.

his personality is kind of confusing in that regard, so i'll just let yall to make that call and we'll go from there.

I've really gotten into your beastfolk universe but I want to ask: Does adoxi exist within that universe or is he in a separate universe? —anonymous

nope! he's too human-looking to be a beastfolk--and is too healthy, pretty, and (mostly) sane to be a hybrid. thats why hes not in the beastfolk masterlist.

initially, he's from his own universe, where humans are living in ignorance of the existence of inhuman beings like adoxi, but i've been chewing on the possibly of him being a descendant of my other character, the cursed god. it'd explain why he's looking fairly human yet not (the 6 arms isn't genetically inheritable fyi, since the priest ripped them off from unfortunate souls to replace the ones he lost).

but that's only me chewing on it and isn't 'official' yet, since there are couple details that wouldn't make sense (but is workable). still thinking about it.

hope this answered!

God I love how you write snakemen like Adoxi and Valerius. They act like bastards but good lord I would get on my knees for them so fast! —anonymous

hee~snakes are so fun to write, ngl. imagining being wrapped around in his coil is a guilty pleasure. glad you're enjoying my depictions! <3

there's a few more, but they're requests i'm hoarding in my inbox for now lol but man who let me talk??? anyway, sorry that i took a minute to answer your asks hhhh life just keeps on happeningggg. sighs. anyway, hope yall are doing well and as always, my inbox is open for (mostly) anything. <3 love ya~and take care of yourself!

[aughtpunk]

A03 Questions Tag Game

I got tagged by: @coffincrows

I tag: @ventela1 @autumn2may @farshootingstar

1 – How many works do you have on AO3?

70

2 – What's your total AO3 word count?

552,955

3 – What fandoms do you write for?

In no particular order: Cult of the Lamb, Welcome to Night Vale, Disco Elysium, Good Omens, Overwatch and a bunch of series I've only written one fic in

4 – What are your top five fics by kudos?

Points on a Circle (Overwatch, lots of ships, mainly Yeehan)

Now Streaming: Love! (Overwatch, lots of ships, D.va POV)

White is Not the New Black (Good Omens, Ineffable Husbands)

Fusion is Just a Cheap Tactic to Make Weak Angels Stronger (Good Omens, Ineffable Husbands)

Welcome to Cyber Vale (Welcome to Night Vale, Cecilos)

5 – Do you respond to comments?

I may accidentally skip a few (sorry) but I try to respond to everyone!

6 – What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Another Pyramid, although I'm not sure I would call it angsty. The fic is about two robots (omnics) discussion an opera and the play based on it, and it ends with one of the robots wondering if the more opened-ended play could possibly be about the endless cycle of tragedy and romance, and how that's very fitting in the current war for robot rights.

7 – What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably To Forgive is Divine since it ends with the Bishop family back together AND Narinder and Lamb as a couple AND other happy spoilers

8 – Do you get hate on fics?

Okay so I wouldn't call it hate but I will take a moment to talk about the weirdest comment I ever got on a fic: Someone once posted in the third chapter of a fic that they hadn't read the first two chapters (on purpose) and they were only going to read every-other chapter from then on. And then every other chapter they kept posting about how the fic made no sense and kept asking questions that were answered in the parts they skipped.

Yeah I ended up blocking them and deleting the comments. Like, the fuck?

9 – Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have written smut. I would describe it as "bad".

10 – Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Probably the Good Omens/Pokemon crossover fic The Evils of Truth and Love. Sadly I couldn't figure out anything to do with it plot-wise so it's only just three chapters of silliness.

11 – Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No idea. Imagine someone stealing my work. It'd be like someone stealing my twelve year old hyundai. Like, why?

12 – Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! I know Cyber Vale got partially translated, and one of my Disco Elysium fics was translated into Russian!

13 – Have you ever co-written a fic?

No, I'm not into co-writing.

14 – What's your all-time favorite ship?

Probably X/Zero. Which is funny considering I've never written a ship about them.

15 – What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Dear Notes in a Line and Five Shalle Ryde fans:

I swear I'll come back one day to finish these. Pinky-swear.

16 – What are your writing strengths?

Apparently I have a real knack for writing immortal God/God-like beings/Immortal Robots and I don't know what to do with this power besides writing fanfic.

17 – What are your writing weaknesses?

I am so, so bad at smut. I've tried, you guys. I've really tried. But writing it feels like someone is sandpapering my brain. In another timeline where I can write smut I'm probably making bank on a terrible amazon published erotica series.

18 – Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I try to avoid it myself because I can barely handle English most days. Never mind other languages Do you know how many times I've failed French 1? Six. SIX TIMES.

EDIT: It has been pointed out to me that I've written multiple characters in multiple stories that use ASL. I am not a clever person.

19 – First fandom you wrote for?

NiGHTS Into Dreams! It's called TWiNS and I actually dug it up from the depths of FF.net to post on Ao3 because I'm so proud of my teen self for writing it.

20 – Favorite fic you've written?

Probably As Mayflies, which I wrote one beautiful summer morning while I was feeling very emotional over Sir Terry Pratchett's passing and wrote a little story about how the humans Crowley and Aziraphale meet live forever in their hearts.

[katatonicimpression]

25, 26, 28, 30 for Monet

This got long

25. When do you think they acted the most ooc

There's quite a few moments and cameos that just feel like a completely different person, and a few more that feel bland and character-less. Shout out to that thankless appearance in uncanny x-men 410-12 comic shortly after gen-x finished where she slut-shames stacy x and the writer forgot she could fly.

But if I were to nominate a bigger thing, it's obviously uncanny xmen (2016), where she's ooc the entire time in my opinion. She's framed as morally dubious, excessively sexualised and just generally urgh. Consider the following:

i. Greg Land - specifically that same face greg land gives all women

ii. The white woman + paint bucket tool off it all*

iii. The plastic sculpted mannequin tits.. with nipples!

iv. The way she is talking to sabretooth. what is this dialogue? this commanding dominatrix thing? I could imagine something like this from, like, selene? or maybe emma but if she was talking to somebody else? This just doesn't feel like her it reads like bad porn dialogue

*incidently, there's this kinda weird thing about this series that because it was the first time monet was drawn with consistently darker skin since gen x, a lot of people use the art from it as indicative of how she should be drawn. And, like, i'm sorry but Land drew a white lady and coloured her skin darker. And the series itself has a weird relationship with both her race and her background. Let's not settle for this. Come on.

Anyway, it's my all time nomination for worst monet writing. But dishonourable mentions to the latter half of xfi, weapon x-force and whatever the fuck duggan was going for with the whole groping thing.

26. When do you think they were being "themselves" the most?

Ooh so writing wise, she's the most in character in Gen X, the first half of X-Factor Investigations, and in a few more cameo appearances (like that hellfire gala run of the infinity comic where she's a main, giant size storm). She's pretty much there in x-men 2013 and x-corp.

In universe though.. because she's literally not been herself a few times. Firstly, there's being literally two kids in a trenchcoat, and the time spent fused with Marius (M-Plate 2.0) and there's the (presumed) upcoming horseman thing. On top of this there's just a lot of her being miserable and off-kilter, not really living her life for herself as herself.

I think that even though she's not really happy at the massachusetts academy, or at xfi, she does seem to exist as herself here. This is how she is when navigates the world, whereas when she's living in the mansion or in the savage land it's very much her trying to escape her trauma and feels unstable in that way. I also feel like she never really felt comfortable with Krakoa - which is not text but entirely vibes. I just feel like she couldn't just be there.

But the point is that, if we follow the metaphor of penance as she appears in Gen X, being trapped in that form is not a external force pushing her into a role she doesn't belong to. Instead it eminates out of her. It is a reflection of something very true to herself. And that's interesting, right?

28. The most unnecessary thing they ever did?

She did not need to interrupt that whole massive fight thing with the death gods in XFI just to yell at Lorna but also I am so on her side in that. It was a massive liability and could have got everyone killed... BUT she had every right to be mad, and the whole thing is framed as like "why is she making such a fuss" despite also spelling out how right she is.. weird series.

Off topic, but there was a post the other day being like "wouldn't it be fun to see lorna react to pietro and monet dating? she'll be mad about it in a funny way." and, like, to me the most in character thing for Monet to do would be to never acknowledge Lorna's presence and never speak to her outside of necessary x-men stuff. Because, even though i don't think lorna is like evil or anything, mocking someone and talking down to them while they relieve the worst trauma of their life while laughing off the fact that they were literally just sexually assaulted is a pretty bad first meeting, even though she apologised. Monet was what like 20? at the time, I don't think she'd shake that negative first impression.

30. The funniest scene they had?

Sorry but that bit with her and 'star sitting on the roof talking about rictor is genuinely very funny to me

There's actually a lot of good little jokes in xfi, especially earlier on. And x-corp is very funny, hell even the opening "we're simply superior" got me good, and her ignoring the message from shaw is very funny.

But the funniest scene she's ever been involved in is this:

[shudderue]

went a walk, had a four hour nap, had a think about sp and my views on sp phase three and honestly just in general. tldr i think the move from kids to YA in phase two was maybe a little clumsy but ultimately made sense and could be merged, and it really genuinely bothers me that landy seems to now be trying to merge an adult and kid book. without, you know, just making it a normal YA book, as one does in that scenario. also something about turning the end of phase two into a crappy crime thriller

ok, phase one. great, brilliant, loved by people into sp because we wouldn't be here otherwise. had some questionably dark themes from the beginning for a kids' book (literal torture in books one and five) but overall was a really great urban fantasy that had suitably high stakes. ends with a war that parallels the one that's overshadowed the narrative from the start, the good guys (valkyrie and skulduggery) unwillingly turn bad (darquesse and vile) - overall i enjoyed it. we all did.

phase two was a Lot. narratively though i think it did a good job of actually having consequences for what happened in phase one - skug and val will always have plot armour but that's fair enough, but valkyrie was already prone to addiction* in phase one, it makes sense that she'd become ye olde magic heroin junkie in phase two to get away from what happened. yeah character wise it was clunky, and i still have my gripes with a lot of other characters, but it was a suitable mesh of kids book into YA themes that was handled okay.

in terms of the writing itself? eh. went downhill pretty fast** i'll be honest. stakes upon stakes upon stakes, it wasn't just a return to the alternate dimsension that gave us an idea of what would happen if the original war was won (which was good don't get me wrong), but we then had to get it again, future edition. and again, present edition***, but this time the mortals won. it was messy to end with and turned into an urban fantasy YA series into being messily high fantasy with somehow little to no lore to speak of. but the world is destroyed, the end has the highest stakes possible, it's finished. there's nowhere to go from here.

and then phase three. i'm no literary analyst, but the title "a mind full of murder" sounds like a crime thriller. we've ramped up (albeit messily) to eldritch gods, the universe collapsing in on itself and being written, valkyrie is getting very close to re-reaching godhood again - and the next book is a crime thriller. it's a very adult title, adult-esque cover****, and yeah, adult themes. and then there's the description of "murder murder stabbing and killing whippee! dark motivations, festering hatred and unimaginable pain. valkyrie and skulduggery are bickering isn't this funny!"

like. it's a terrible, terrible blurb. it tells us nothing but "oh there's a lot of people having died", it's trying to return to detective books in a series where the detective-ing was never really the main focus. literally putting "dark motivations, festering hatred and unimaginable pain" in is just dark and edgy and a twelve year old's way of putting something before they learn the general rule of "show, don't tell." it's a bad way of appealing to the adult readers with this topic.

then you're also, in the same breath, trying to appeal to the kids: oh yeah they're going to be really annoying and jokey and bicker all the time, btw. don't take this too seriously. it's glued together haphazardly and it's badly done and it's coming crashing down from a narrative high and maybe crawling back up from a writing low and it's working out like far too much booze at a kid's seventh birthday.

like, idk. i think that if landy wanted to try his hand at a crime thriller, a short story collection of cases that skulduggery & valkyrie did during the series that were never mentioned would be good. or, god forbid, move the fuck on and start writing about a new lot of people. maybe a book set in-universe with different people, so he doesn't have to completely let go of the sp brand?

anyway. i'm having a lot of thoughts based on a title, a cover and a blurb, but overall i at least was intrigued enough by phase two to buy and read them all. this genuinely made my skin crawl and gives me the same feeling as when you read a fanfic that's just like. baby i understand you're trying so so hard but you're eleven and need so much more practice. except it's a forty something man who's knocked out plenty of good books before and also it's literally his world.

but yeah. 👍 that's me

*i could write a lot about this but there's already probably a fantastic theory around re val (and sorcerers generally) and addiction. it's pretty clear that she never wanted to let go of magic once she had it because it slows your aging, probably helps with healing and y'know. it's magic. so it tracks and she has a history with addiction and numbing things.

**derek landy started writing for marvel in 2018, and the next release was bedlam in 2019, and imo it all went downhill from there. i think dead or alive really signifies when he starts to marvel-fy his books, and possibly not earlier because phase two was meant to have 9 books originally, but something about the (bad) insanity of the end of phase two and derek landy writing for marvel is suspicious to me

***both in hell breaks loose and the end of until the end

****it really bothers me that it's this kind of dark, gritty cover and colour scheme and then there's the old kiddy sp font. like obviously i get it from a brand perspective but it just looks shockingly bad together. cool(ish) art, or at least the concept, but c'mon.

[heroictoonz]

Alright, best way to start getting into sonic in your opinion, I've only seen X and partially prime and never touched the comics or played the games?

OKAY SO! In all honesty, it really depends very heavily on your own personal interests both in style and media! Fun fact: I also started with Sonic X!! I watched it as a kid and then found Satam and the Archie comics later!! Funny enough it was a reeeeally long time till I got into/played a game.

Like I said I think it heavily depends on what you are interested in and what you have the time or ability to do.

So like, if you are more interested in the shows, I'd say X is a PERFECT start. Sonic X, tho not really seen as that canon to the rest of the franchise cause of it's creative liberties with setting, it does do a lot of stuff both from the games but also original that's super fun and great for a new audiences to get acquainted with the characters and the vibes, I think. Though if you've only seen the dub I do strongly recommend the subs. As much as I love 4kids for the childhood they gave me and for introducing me to one of my biggest special interests for most my life and other shows I enjoy so much they, uh, are not always the best with their dubs qwq Sonic is no exception they changed a lot for it that many fans think screws up some of the story. Of course I also encourage you to watch it with an open mind and form your own opinions on all of this but! Just lettin ya know!

If you wanna continue with the shows I would say Prime is a great one to keep on. There are some fans that complain that its really OOC and like, yeah I think there are some moments here or there but like also it's fun, it's pretty, and if you ship Sonadow there's some nice crumbs in there lol! (Also, personal opinion, I think going into the Sonic franchise and expecting every single media to portray the characters the same way every time is impossible. It's a MASSIVE franchise with TONS of writers both in the Japanese and American sides of Sega and who knows how many more. IDK I don't take screams of OOC to heart all that much personally)

If you wanna see older stuff Sonic the Hedgehog also shortened to Sonic Satam by the fandom is a great cartoon as well. Because of the Archie Sonic series getting the plug pulled, all of those characters are completely retired and non canonical (unless Sega does some king shit but idk if it's possible legally) HOWEVER they are still AWESOME AS FUCK!!! Sally is still to this day one of my fave characters of all time. I was at a con once and a guy at a booth asked me my fave sonic characters I told him it was probably a tie between Shadow and Sally and he was so fucking shocked I knew who Sally was that I didn't realize how much casual sonic ppl don't know the archie characters oirghierhgreui BUT its a super cool show very serious in it's plot and real interesting

TLDR with the cartoons stuff: Sonic X is my first pick for a start so you got that covered but I do recommend the subs, to keep going down the cartoon rout I'd personally say finish Prime next or jump into Sonic Satam

Now if you wanna get more into Sonic via the comics that is a whole other story. There are a few different comic runs, the big three are Fleetway, Archie, and IDW. Fleetway is like insane and I love her dearly but she's fucking bananas wild, one of those 'not a lot of games were out at the time so they did whatever the fuck they wanted' type deals. So I wouldn't recommend Fleetway as a starter but if you wanna see some wild ass Sonic content I say go back to it lol

Honestly, I would recommend either catching up with the IDW series OR start by reading the Archie comics from the Super Genesis Wave to end.

With IDW, I would also say that's the arguably best place to start comic wise. 1) Because it's the current running series. I believe the last one that came out wassss 75? I'm not fully up to date myself but whatever. The IDW comics actually start as a not-explicit-but-well-implied continuation of one of the games, Sonic Forces, but it gives enough background that I don't think you neeeed to play/watch Sonic Forces but it would make the comic start more interesting I feel. 2) Because it has ONLY characters canon to the games or original to the comics. So what you read in IDW is basically considered more or less full canon. The head writer has stated so (though as far as I'm aware no one on the game teams have) and iiiiiif I remember correctly he also worked some on Sonic Frontiers, one of the newer games. Also, again, all the major characters are all pretty standard and established Sonic franchise characters with a few IDW originals sprinkled in to make the world big and the threats interesting.

With Archie being a good start... well... okay. It is but it isn't. SO above I specifically stated to start with Super Genesis Wave Archie which, yes, is not just a string of random ass words. The TLDR (cause this story is INSANE and LONG) is that an old writer on the Archie Sonic comics got sued by Archie because they wanted to keep his characters he made for the franchise but he wanted to leave the team and make his own thing with his own characters it's a whole fucking thing the end of the story is that Archie lost and because of this over 200+ characters had to be retconed from the fucking comics. Yeah. SO to do this there was an in-canon retcon that took place where Eggman fired this weapon that restarted the universe. A shit ton of plotlines were rewritten, characters replaced, and stuff just completely taken out or added in. It was insane BUT the reason I say this would be a decent place to start comic stuff is because 1) the start of this new era makes it to where you really don't have to know that much about the old Archie content to keep up and 2) it's an ended comic so you don't have to worry about it constantly going while you're trying to keep up if that's something you may be worried about. Also, if you do end up watching Sonic Satam and enjoying it, Archie Sonic is the continuation of those characters' stories so! More Sally yay!!!!!

TLDR on starting with comics: IDW starting from the beginning or Archie starting from the Super Genesis Wave

Now if you wanna start with the games. Weeelllll. To be honest with you I watch the games instead of playing them lol! I'm terrible at video games so I watch them on youtube instead of playing them. I've only played a very small handful of Sonic games and an even smaller handful of those did I actually get every far in. Because of this where I know a lot about the games I would not by any means call myself an expert on the topic. I know more about the shows and comics, honestly

BUT if I was to pick a good place to start with the games, I would probably start with Sonic Adventures 1 and 2! I think that the Sonic Adventures games, not only are they INSANELY charming and so cute and fun but also are a perfect spot to really start to get to know the characters and the setting! In fact, you will probably notice a lot of similarities between them and Sonic X since you've seen that show! Since Sonic X was coming out around the Adventure series era they took a lot from those games! They are also the introduction of MANY popular sonic franchise characters and some pretty classic lines and moments!

Honestly, with the games, most of them are made to where you can just jump into the franchise at random. Any that make reference to past games either give an explicit reference so you can follow along or are vague enough to just not matter or be confusing. So by all means! Take a look at the games pick a random one you think looks fun and either play it or pull up a movie version up on youtube! I'm sure you will find something you love in them!!

I hope this was helpful! I know it got suuuuper long lol. But honestly have fun with the franchise! There's SO many good shows, movies, comics, games, everything!! This franchise has it all!! If you ever wanna know more just ask I love the different parts of the franchise and love when people get into sonic !!!!

[demigod-of-the-agni]

GUIDE TO THE AGNI

A bunch of links for you to find the wild Agni.

Instagram || ArchiveOfOurOwn || ???? || Youtube

FANFIC MASTERLIST

These are all found on Ao3

• Here: Crossover/Series Masterlist. • Here: Oneshot Masterlist. • Here: Multi-Chapter Masterlist.

Miscellaneous

Here: My Writings. Here: Tips for Coding. Here: Short Story Websites • The Corridor - 2022 horror (mobile + pc) • “Along Cobblestone Streets” - ff7/spidey test (mobile + pc)

TAGS

Because I myself am forgetting what tags I use

• #myart #artoftheagni and #mywriting - evident • #artsyparty - for art tips and tricks • #o wise writer stuff - for writing tips and tricks • #agnirambles - for when i start rambling • #agni of wisdom, #tag game and #commune with me - for asks, ask/tag games and answers • #dino agni - dino agni • #agnigames - agni plays video games (mostly ffxiv) • #putting the "asm" in "spidey's cataclasm" - 2022 amazing spider-man run my absolute beloathed. i hope editorial dies • #the time for being nice is over - "you wouldn't steal a car" my ass. down with capitalism. tips and tricks to evade the authorities • #funnyhaha - hall of fame for posts i think are funny

AUs and other projects

• #kalkichronciels - original story stuff!! • #nine realms but legit - me screaming into the void about the Bad Dragon Show • #mythic mumbattan au - mumbattan but with mythology • #bromantic flight - the httyd version of ninjago • #final fandesi7 - final fantasy 7 but... it has desi people......

Fandoms

• some secret code words for secret fandoms (below the cut; have fun trying to decode them all)

••• #Belief The Horror Game (FAITH: The Unholy Trinity) ••• #spooderman (Spider-Man) ••• #jragonprnce (The Dragon Prince) ••• #ninjergoo (Ninjago) ••• #monkerkidd (Monkie Kid) ••• #trollfacehunters (Trollhunters) ••• #baman (DC, Batman) ••• #Underworld Down Under The Game (Hades) ••• #Ghost Boy The Series (Danny Phantom) ••• #marble (Marvel, literally anything not Spider-Man) ••• #Depression The Anime (Neon Genesis Evangelion) ••• #Horizon Machine Madness (Horizon ZD+FW) ••• #mandela magazine (Mandela Catalogue) ••• #detwa becom ooman (Detroit: Become Human) ••• #magnum opus (Magnus Chase) ••• #lord of the bling bling (Lord of the Rings) ••• #inscryption (Inscryption) ••• #csm (Chainsaw Man) ••• #radiant man (Radiant Black) ••• #black goop romance (Venom, Eddie Brock, all that) ••• #dragooning like crazy 7 (Compilation of Final Fantasy VII) ••• #dragooning like crazy 14 (Final Fantasy XIV) ••• #dragooning like crazy 16 (Final Fantasy XVI) ••• #i know you're here dracula you big fucking nerd (dracula) ••• #devil man (Daredevil) ••• #bes (Blue Eye Samurai) ••• #moon man (Moon Knight) ••• #invincible (Invincible) ••• #peter johnson (Percy Jackson) ••• #i wish wish was wished up better (Wish... yeah idk)

why is there so many

[rosekillerismylife]

A few things about Lord of the Rings (the books, obviously):

It took me ages to finish all three of them because J. R. R. Tolkien is a genius and imagined a whole new world with many different landscapes and unfortunately, the characters needed to travel very far and very long to get to the final destination.

I HATE GANDALF! Like, what do you mean he just comes and goes as he pleases, dumps metaphorical shit on you that is meant to be wise and thoughtful and then disappears all of a sudden and trusts you to make the right decision and if you make a wrong turn, he appears again and scolds you. What the fuck, man! You are not the center of the earth, fuck of!

Oh my God, Legolas and Gimli are so gay for each other. They are literal soulmates. And you can't disagree with me because have you noticed that they trust each other more than they trust the rest of the travel group? Have you noticed how they always think about each other and always have the urge to tell each other important news like how many creatures they killed during a fight? Have you noticed the conversation they had about Gimli wanting to show Legolas the Caves in 'Helms Klamm' and Legolas wantinf to show Gimli the Fangorn forest and they are going to go there even though Gimli doesn't like the forest and Legolas isn't comfortable with the caves? THAT IS LOVE, MY FRIEND. (even if it's just platonic)

I think Frodo was the inspiration to Harry Potter as a character because he has the same hero complex and the same 'oh no, I should've left my friends and should've taken care of the problem myself. Oh wait, now I have an opportunity, I might just go alone' behaviour. It annoys me! Also, both (Frodo and Harry) had the same situation: If Harry had killed Peter, the second war could have been avoided. If Frodo had killed Gollum, he wouldn't have been captured by the Orks.

Sam is so dear to me. He is a little like Ron (because he doesn't trust Gollum etc.) but the more I think about it, he is like Hira in My Beautiful Man which means (drumroll please) Frodo is Kiyoi and they are in love with each other! If you have watched the series, you know that Hira thinks of Kiyoi as a king and also treats him as one and doesn't think that he deserves someone like Hira. Basically, Sam is the same: He follows Frodo wherever he goes, he protects him, he cares for him, he cooks for him, he abandons his sleep to watch out for him and so on. I love him.

The Hobbits are so funny. I can't with them. They are so unbothered by everything, like little children or even teenagers. As long as they can eat and sing, everythings fine. Like, what do you mean there's no food in this dark tower during a war that may cost us our life?

Éowyn is slaying! She's mostly the only woman and she is so cool! I mean, she disguises herself as a man and fights even though she's not supposed to. Tolkien wrote the series in 1954 and the things Éowyn did were really progressive for that time, I guess. He was ahead of his time.

I love the language Tolkien uses, just because all of it sounds so fancy and special and the way he describes things, gives me chills. There's a reason why he's the father of High Fantasy.

Has anyone of you watched the movies? Do you recommend them?

[songofsaraneth]

okay now you, top 5 rote characters? 👀

ohoho OKAY here we go

5. while none individually are in my top single characters i actually do wanna give this place to the Dragons, collectively, because they were why i picked up the universe in the first place. I was working my way through books with dragons in them and actually read the Rain Wilds books first (because someone told me they worked standalone) and while I think this series is the weakest in the RotE universe now that I've read the rest, it got me interested enough in the worldbuilding to go back to the start and see what was up with Tintaglia and those serpents and ships and whatnot. I like that they're haughty and entitled and annoying. RotE dragons are much more like cats in personality than anything else, which was a nice change from the themes i was getting in the other books i worked through of 1. beasts to be dominated or 2. wise and mysteriously good/kind with very little complexity to that despite being, you know, huge apex predators.

4. KETTRICKEN. god im OBSESSED with the mountain kingdom and their concept of ruling... my love my queen my Sacrifice... uhg I love how much she grows from angry angsty girl into a monarch. and she never lets go of her mountain concept of rulership despite spending way more of her life in the duchies surrounded by people who'd love for her to step back and do less. but what really makes her my personal blorbo is the way she comforts Fitz when no one else is paying enough to attention to realize how close to breakdown he is at any given point. Hugging him. Drugging him to make sure he has a good nights sleep. Like she was the ONLY ONE who TRULY wept with him for Nighteyes and understood what that loss meant to him, not just because she had her own bond with Nighteyes but knew Fitz's went so much deeper than hers and that he wouldn't take the space to grieve that loss when needed on his own. Kettricken just... cares. about people, about the kingdom, about everything, and does what she can for them.

3-2-1 im cheating im cheating im cheating and my top 3 are of course a 3-way-tie of THE trio, Nighteyes, the Fool, and Fitz. honestly how could they not be 😭 i love them in part because i love what they each are to the other... like everyone else from Fitz's early life hurt him in terrible ways (Burrich, Chade, Verity, Shrewd... fuck man) but he imprinted on them anyway, because he was a sad scared lonely child who had just been ripped away from everything he knew. as soon as he got 1 singular crumb of kindness from anyone he fell into full devotion even when what they had him do was to his own detriment, again and again. And it's the person who is SUPPOSED to be the one pushing him into certain paths, watching him fall into prophecy and die who, counter to what you'd think, is not that kind of person. The Fool is the one who is most painfully aware of everything Fitz can do and how to point him towards it but he always somehow gives Fitz a choice about it, not an order or demand. And Nighteyes bonds to Fitz and is the one true, solid bond where he's not trying to use Fitz for anything, he just wants them to both Be. And selflessly gives up the kind of life they could have had together, with other wolves or other witted, for Fitz's sake. It's funny that these two relationships for Fitz are almost opposite in a way... he and Nighteyes are so entwined that even other Witted are disturbed by how close they are, and how little they have reserved for themselves. Meanwhile Fitz spends so many books trying to keep the Fool at arm's length despite how powerfully they are drawn back to each other again and again. Fitz throws himself into Nighteyes as a way to escape himself, but can't bear to let himself get too close to the Fool because he's afraid of what that bond would mean with another human, especially one he perceives as male. And it takes him sooooooo many books to finally get past that but thas growth baby! Anyway that difference makes it funny to me how Nighteyes/the Fool comparatively very quickly settle into a comfortable dynamic. Nighteyes accepts the Fool as part of their Pack, the Fool accepts Nighteyes as an integral part of Fitz, and they get on with keeping each other warm in the woods while trying to manage Fitz's much more complicated problems. uhg they are all my own Beloved.

[lonelyvomit]

Hi, i got into ghost thanks to you😅 Could you give me some song recommendations or any other info that could be useful?

HIIIII okay yes! 😂🥰

for song recs I'd say Spillways, Mary On A Cross, Rats, Jigolo Har Megiddo, Cirice, He Is, Call Me Little Sunshine, Darkness At The Heart Of My Love, From The Pinnacle To The Pit. that's a mix of my personal faves and some of the most popular songs that people usually like 🥰🥰

things to know band lineup wise - Ghost is and has always been mostly Tobias + paid musicians. the current ghouls have been the same since 2018, just acquiring a few more since. there's a bunch of names used for the ghouls from different eras and it's only this year that couple of the ghouls have been publicly named (altho we been knew since nothing actually stays secret lmao), so presumably this lineup is gonna be sticking around for a good while, but they all have their other projects during Ghost's downtime and overall the songs & the entire image of the band is all Tobias. also if you see people calling Tobias random names starting with initials TF (Tender Father, Toe Fungus, Titty Fiddler uknow) it's remains from the era when Tobias' name was outed due to a lawsuit but he hadn't officially revealed his identity (until 2017 even Tobias' name wasn't public knowledge, the frontman was known as just Papa Emeritus), so out of respect & to keep the secret from those fans who preferred not to know, people wouldn't call him by his name, but make up the most stupid nicknames out of his initials. and even tho his name is well known now, some of us still do it as a joke because it's simply funny 😌✨ also also if you see fans talk about going to rituals - that's what Ghost live shows are called lmao. gotta be dramatic ✨

also there's a shit ton of fantasy lore surrounding the band but you can dive into that as much or as little as you personally want to. the basic lore knowledge is just that the previous papas (1-3) were brothers & papa Nihil's sons, Cardinal Copia/Papa Emeritus IV is Sister Imperator's son, Nihil & Sister dated when they were young but broke up & none of the papas have been confirmed to be both of theirs kid. the previous papas were murdered from Sister's & Nihil's orders and by now Nihil is dead too cus he was old as fuck but he's still chillin around as a ghost. there's 14 episodes of like a lil lore series on Ghost's youtube channel that started when Copia arrived 4 years ago, and the fandom has built an entire alternative universe around the band, so like. if you're not the type to be into fantasy storylines, you don't need to, you can just enjoy the music. if you do enjoy more fleshed out story and universe you can contribute into yourself with writing or art or whatever, Ghost is the perfect sandbox for that too. you can get the basic building blocks from the youtube series and then just go nuts. also also also, the vocalist character will change again soon-ish. while it's always Tobias, every papa character from 1-3 made one album and stepped down. Copia has now made 2 albums - one as Cardinal Copia and one as Papa Emeritus IV. so he's already on borrowed time and his death has been hinted at in the latest lore clip. rat man's gonna go soon, don't get too attached. I'm totally not 🥲

okay that's a start asdfghjkl sorry & thanks for letting me ramble lmaooooo

[oathkeeper-of-tarth]

17 30 and 32! (In case it didnt go thru before oop)

As a matter of fact it did not! I thought ask-eating days were behind us, but I guess some things never change.

17. they’re crying—what did it take to make them cry?

Failure, especially if related to something she promised someone. Frustrated, angry tears at being unable or in some way powerless to help someone she cares about are a good bet.

A particular in-game incident? This one time, Ez failed some checks and got possessed by a vengeful spirit during a particularly unpleasant series of encounters towards the end of the campaign when we made Strahd Fucking Pissed. So she started attacking the already pretty run down party and, of course, she went for Ramiel first because that's peak drama, right? And of course she rolled a crit with her rapier (to add insult to grievous injury, Ez usually rolled like garbage whenever we had her with us). So Ramiel, adamantly refusing to actually fight her and being a wee bit Utena-stabbed just then, held onto her and cried on her a bit. It was great, a deadly reflection of previous fun bonding sparring sessions they’d had, thematically resonant, all of that. I love playing these games, man.

I did write her having a good post-back-from-the-dead cry here.

Another specific incident that comes to mind is something that happened while we were playing out our little epilogue in Barovia, tying up loose ends and such. In the catacombs of the big bad evil castle there’s a whole maze of crypts, a lot of which are traps, or cool items for adventurers to find, or just awful puns - or all of the above. In particular, there is one haunted by the ghost of a person with a horribly punny name obsessed with flying and making some sort of winged contraption. I believe the idea is a player character opens that specific crypt, fails a save, then gets controlled by this ghost and tries to leap into the chasm below the castle in an attempt to fly. So while clearing out the castle after its master’s defeat, we came upon this crypt, and Ramiel deliberately failed the save, used her once-per-day one-minute glowy aasimar wings ability, took the ghost on a little spin around the castle towers in the bright glorious newly-restored sunlight, finally letting them find peace. Was it her or the ghost shedding a few tears as this happened? Probably both of them. I realise this is a joke/trap, but it actually turned out really touching and genuine and post-big bad defeat cathartic.

30. how do they handle confrontation?

Oh, that’s an easy one. 100% RIGHTEOUS ANGER. Was managed down to a fuming, angry simmer during extra touchy incidents later on, but only with great effort.

32. which of your decisions led to their voice being the way it is?

Hm, we don't really do voices too much. Funny NPCs sometimes, PCs not really. We did have little hype sounds for our VTT for when your turn would pop up in combat! Hers was a snippet of some angelic choir or other overlaid with a shinkkkk of a sword being drawn. It was pretty fun to make.

Speech-wise, were Ramiel to give some sort of inspiring, rousing speech bolstered by her super high charisma score, it wouldn't be based on fancy wordplay, or refined, thought-through oratory or trained speechcraft (our artificer is into all that and also high-stakes international diplomacy, hah). It would just be clear, straightforward, no-nonsense, and absolutely agonisingly earnest. The kind of… you just want to believe it, right?

My favourite thing about the way paladins and the whole "holy knight" concept were done in 5e was that it wasn't tied to a patron deity or similar. The oaths are essentially… believe in your beliefs and stick to your convictions so hard it literally gives you supernatural powers. Probably my favourite take on paladins and the one with the most personal appeal is Pathfinder’s Virtuous Bravo (the swash! the panache!), but Oath of Devotion is absolutely up there.

After finishing the actual Curse of Strahd adventure, we moved from 5e to Ironsworn/Starforged and let me tell you, this gal is all Heart.

[grellestie]

ive been playing a shit ton of darkest dungeon lately and here's my opinion on which black butler characters would be which class!!

darkest dungeon is really cool btw!! it kind of has the same elements of black butler (fucked up protag, supernatural creatures, mental health being explored in a neat way, and the running theme of everyone being the absolute worst besides like two or three people!). i really recommend it if you love sadistic video games with eldritch horrors!!

under da tag bc i dont shut up

ciel: ngl. he's the one that gets fucked over by the ancestor and has to build teams to kill eldritch horrors. which is what i thought at first

but...

after thinking, he should be houndmaster and instead of a dog, it's just sebastian, pouting. /j

sebastian: BUT SERIOUSLY- for sebby, i'd like to think maaaybe occultist? there really isn't any classes close to a demon so someone who can summon eldritch horrors to fight other eldritch horrors seems like it'd make sense.

mey rin: musketeer. obvi. she go pew pew!! and also has the WORST ACCURACY IN THE WORLD- (this is personal salt, let me live. been so close to having party wipes)

bard: honestly. highwayman. he has one(1) attack that could count as an explosive. also they kinda have the same haircut!! i think it fits also theres no real explosives in the base game sadly. UNLESS you wanna talk enemies- then there's brigand vvulf who blows things the fuck up because he can! i think that fits him too! kind of!! since brigand is kind of a massive asshole.

finny: OH GOD,,, i had a toughie with this one buuuut- im probably going to go with bounty hunter or leper because of finny's SHEER strength. he's just busted man and you can beat the entire game with leper sooooo yeah! the mean part of me wanted to say abomination but again, thats mean but it's extremely wild to me that they pretty much have the same Tragic Backstory of experimented on for the lols and now just have to deal with it. at least finny got the better end of the stick! poor abomination...

now the reapers! (in order of appearance)

grelle: hellion! she is the biggest girlboss in the game so ofc she'd fit grelle, come on now. the hellion class is extremely broken powerful and puts out an insane amount of damage! a part of me wants to argue grave robber but it doesn't have a lot of flashy and powerful moves- this is mainly considering grelle is the 3rd strongest character in the series iirc.

william: OH ANOTHER HARD ONE- but i think he'd fit being a shieldbreaker! it's a bit of a stretch but hear me out- it's mainly the weapon and it's capabilities that would make william fit the class the most!! also her defensive end seeing as william being pretty good at Not Getting His Shit Wrecked or at least as badly (book of circus is def something i needa rewatch)

undertaker: oh this bitch. i'm probably going to go with the prophet boss! the prophet defied the ancestor by speaking facts and wouldn't die no matter what the ancestor did, kind of like how taker is with the dispatch. also the fact they're both blind but hit like a fucking truck fits!!

ronald: my BOY! now HE'D be grave robber!! he's not really too strong and kinda squishy but can still be formidable if not taken seriously. also the mental image of him hitting an undead with a pickaxe to the face is funny to me-

eric: either highwayman or man-at-arms! both classes are good at taking out a lot of enemies at once and eric is pretty good at killing people <3

alan: OUGH another hard one- i think character wise (more than attack wise), he'd def fit the leper. the leper goes through it and so does alan yet they still kick ass and get the job done!

othello: this dummy! i think antiquarian would fit! antiquarians are support heroes 100% and then they hit like a truck...! a toy truck...! a toy truck that's a stuffie...! unless you get a hit off with "nervous stab" but it's not really all that worth it. OH and the move "protect me" that's pretty much the same as othello using grelle as a meat shield fits.

[erigold13261]

Also, like, I absolutely said this before, but Dagon's domain to me is the most refined domain out of everyone's in the series (perhaps under Sukuna's but honestly I don't see Sukuna having used his domain constantly in the past, he was probably more into full fights for fun instead of instant one shots).

So if everyone in the show had the same level and output of cursed energy, Dagon would never be bested in a domain battle.

Though, because of characters like Yuta with a great amount of cursed energy or Satoru with an amazing output of cursed energy, Dagon definitely gets beaten by some domains.

At least their lethal domain. I do like the idea that their domain was a non-lethal domain as a cursed womb, and that domain was basically perfected, however it lost it's perfection when they evolved because now it had a guaranteed hit effect that they didn't have before so never practiced with.

This is why a beaten down Megumi was able to fight against Dagon's domain (which, even if it was perfected, I think Megumi would still mess up their sure hit because it would still be a domain battle. Megumi wouldn't have won it either way if Dagon's plan to outlast was able to be done, but Megumi would have still been able to make a dent in the domain, though possibly not make a hole).

So yea, Dagon my beloved baby. You are the best curse when it comes to domains! (general domains, probably not open domains, domain amplification, or quick draw domains).

Though, honestly it would also be funny if Dagon was shit at having a domain when being a cursed womb and that is why they always put their domain in a room, because it was an incomplete domain and they needed an enclosed space.

It wasn't until they evolved that they were able to make a proper domain with a barrier and guaranteed hit.

Technically that theory holds more true from what we've seen, and I would say canonically-wise this second one is Dagon's true domain ability, but I'm still gonna stick to my headcanon that Dagon has one of the most refined domains ever (and can hold their domain longer than anyone... other than Satoru Gojo lol).

Also the fact that out of EVERYONE in the series, they are always the first to pull out a domain. This bitch is so reliant on others, they absolutely can't imagine winning any fight without their domain.

I fucking bet you that Dagon would pull their domain out on the Mannequin or Roppongi curses just to ensure they win. Everyone else would either see it as Dagon flexing on lesser curses or being overkill, and here Dagon is just scared shitless having to fight and relying heavily on a domain.

Bitch ass octobaby can't fight worth of shit. They rely on the other curses, on their domain, on their shikigami, and on running out the clock. I need the other disaster curses to teach this baby how to fight properly before sending them off into battle!

[dream-launch]

Thanks for the tag @that-bl-bitch !!!

Your all time favorite bl/gl character and why. Ooooo okay so I have to pick 2: Ink from Bad Buddy and Wei Wuxian from The Untamed. Ink because I am just in love with her and chaotic lesbian ways and I would let Milk Pansa trample me anyday. And Wei Wuxian because of course come on now he's one of my favourite fictional characters full stop and the series version is just a great adaptation of the poor chaos he radiates in mdzs

What’s your one character from a bl/gl you wanted to punt into the stratosphere (you only get one so choose wisely). Kengkla from Love by Chance bc fuck him what he did to Techno was rape and there's no excuse you can't pretend it was mutual Techno was in no way able to give consent.

The best music moment from a BL/GL Okay so you know that scene in episode 6 of Not Me (even tho I'd argue Not Me doesn't really count as a BL cause the point of the show isn't the romance but shhh) where Sean is trying to choke out White and I'll Understand by Roza is playing. Yeah I don't know why but I just feel like that song and that scene and the lyrics and the vibe of the song as a whole just really went well in that scene and made the scene so much more impactful and heartbreaking and it didn't just feel like generic sad music it like hit hard and I just love that scene okay.

What’s a popular heterosexual text that you would like to see adapted into a BL/GL? Twilight as a GL cause fucking why not. No one can tell me a GL version of Twilight wouldn't be fucking incredible. Plus I'm a big time sucker for lesbian vampires.

A scene from a BL/GL that always makes you laugh. Not Me again but the scene where Sean does the trust fall to prove he's talking to Black not White and so Black doesn't catch him and he just falls to the floor. And Black's just looking at him like wtf?? And he spends just like a second too long on the floor before getting up and it's just awkward and hilarious and I love that scene soooooo much.

Biggest disappointment. Oh boy so I don't know how many of y'all have watched Yuri Or Another but if you haven't pls never do it is just absolute shit and is honestly just offensive to all wlw like I had absolutely no knowledge going in and I kind of wish I'd never watched it cause I was uncomfortable the whole time and Hairi and Yuri didn't even end up together by the end Yuri just was ike wow strange that you're sexually attracted to me but you're my best friend and I'mma get back together with my ex. Like such a fucking let down.

What two random bl/gl characters would make hilarious exes? Todd(Not Me) and Wai (Bad Buddy). I have honestly no reasoning behind this other than I think it would be funny if these two violent lil shits tried to be soft around eachother.

Who would be funniest person to watch a bl/gl in its entirety and which one would you make them watch. I think if I had to pick I'd my make this one friend of mine watch Utsukushii Kare/My Beautiful Man with no prior knowledge going in cause I always enjoy her chaotic commentaries on movies and stuff plus I just would love to see someone live unfiltered reaction to alot of what happens in that series.

Best wardrobe moment/or character wardrobe from a bl/gl. I'm obsessed with all Rokkaku's non-work clothes in Cherry Magic like dude I would steal all those clothes if I could.

Tagging: @angelbesideme @isvisomewhere @multi-fandomms and @currentlyily (if you want)

[mallowstep]

oh! no don't worry i was making a joke! i just thought it was funny because i don't really,, see much overlap between the two! like if i were to make a venn diagram of "people who read warrior cats" and "people who read homestuck" i'd imagine the overlap wouldn't be very big. not necessarily negligible, but not. Big.

and regarding your tags: tbh yeah, hs really is a whole different beast commitment wise. i've read through the warriors series a few times, (minus super editions/novellas/ graphic novels,, but someday maybe) but i've only gotten through homestuck once and only then because a significant chunk was already uploaded to youtube as a read-through. tried to reread it, and there's just Too Fucking Much

oh thank god

i'd actually wager the overlap is fairly large. they have similar appeal, but i'm a lil too tired to explain. basically like. politics + battles + magic + non-human main characters.

'course, this is only for older fans. don't know what the Youngsters are up to but i sure hope it's not homestuck.

i've read through homestuck...one time in full, and with all the pieces i've read through for fics (i may not have a lot posted but i have a lot started), i feel confident saying i've read through it twice. it's got some great moments. the word count for homestuck is...let's say 1 million words.

i put each warriors main series book at 100k words, or 0.1 mil words, so actually warriors is much, much longer than homestuck. even if i use half my estimate for that and put them at 50k, that's still...20 main series books/1 homestuck? so...arcs 1-4.

homestuck is longer than harry potter, but not by much. warriors is much, much longer that homestuck

now there are other, non-word count* factors that go into homestuck's length, but i'm not a homestuck blog. that was... @amuseofspace altho i don't have. i'm not active there. i don't know the log-in. if you send me an ask i will not know you sent it nor to respond. just to be clear. also you're not allowed to judge me for what i did at fourteen. also also my classpect is heir of blood so like yeah.

anyway i bring this up more bc u should give urself credit! warriors is long! there's a lot of it! you've read a lot!

* this is adjusted word count, so it does consider panels and flashes

anyway kids don't read homestuck. but for local homestuck fans:

ldksfja; classpect brain was activated so: protags + aspects: (also the one post i'm most proud of i'm not happy with how it's written but i still remember the theory behind it really well is aspect introduction)

fireheart: blood

brambleclaw: time

squirrelflight: breath

crowfeather: heart

feathertail: rage

stormfur: breath

tawnypelt: mind

hollyleaf: doom

jayfeather: light

lionblaze: time

dovewing: hope

ivypool: void

alderheart: space

twigbranch: breath

violetshine: hope

shadowsight: mind

rootspring: heart

bristlefrost: blood

all of these are objectively correct <3

[spicebiter]

Welcome to Raccoon City

I won't fucking lie Welcome to Raccoon City was pretty fuckin good. I wasn't sold on the entirety of it- the storyline and pacing is a little messy but compared to every installment of the original series it's an absolute godsend. I also enjoy that they give multiple characters just as much volume as they have in the games so no one person stands out as The Main Character, which is especially nice considering they made the honestly perfect move of sorta mixing the first two games into the plot. Because both games are very puzzle heavy and lengthy on their own it's a nice to have both stories touched on in tandem and even brought together for a new ending and it's done well enough I really don't give a damn that it's not true to the games completely.

This movie is also just funny which is something I didn't realize I missed so much from the original run. The cow at the end was a great touch both comedically and effect-wise; I've never really seen anything like it. The soundtrack adds to this immensely imo. The scene with things reaching the police station was so fantastic with the music coming and going to accentuate the content of the shot it's truly a masterful bit.

I also think it's really cool that they messed around with designs of both living and zombie characters. I'd assume the doctor near the end is a G-Virus infectee based on the highlights of his design and I kind of prefer his look to that of the ones in game (the giant eyeball wigs me out). Even if he's not it's still a good look and there's a lot of little touches both in his design and other small details along the way that lend to my opinion that people working on this movie just gave more of a shit than anyone working one the original movies. In addition the casting is just lovely and I like that they found someone who doesn't look anything like Leon Kennedy yet still has the exact same Vibe to his look (Avan Jogia is so cute and hot at the same time he's perfect for the part). As a side note I don't think he even has any lines but I noticed Nathan Dales was in the movie and I was so surprised to see him until I learned the movie was filmed in Canada, and it was delightful to see someone less Hollywood based that I could recognize.

Because of its numerous differences from both the tone and adherence to game material that the original series had I'm overall not surprised that this movie received such poor critical reception. Gamers really love to hate on video game movies mostly on the basis of them being movies and not being perfectly in line with the games (because that would be sooooo interesting to invest an hour or two in watching /sarcastic), and people that enjoyed the original series hate the fact that Mila Jovavich isn't in it and it's nothing like the original movies. Neither of these are really very valid critiques- A movie isn't a game and to bring it to a wider audience and keep run time down you have to sacrifice some detail/alter story to fit, and the Mila Jovavich Resident Evil series was boring and pandering and sucked overall.

As far as video game movies go this one's a win in my book, to be perfectly honest. While some critics give the movie shit for a lack of character development I would personally love to put them in a zombie apocalypse situation and see who well their character develops. Not only do I think they're just nitpicking I also think they're looking for something that can't form naturally from the script and to force some touching/growth filled scene into the mix would be more detrimental than just shutting the fuck up and watching the zombie movie as is.

It's not a perfect movie and I wouldn't claim it to be but the idea that it's worse than literally any installment of the original series is horseshit and those who hold the idea need better taste. I'm usually not so adamant in my opinion but fuck, man, I didn't sit through six Resident Evil movies bored out of my mind and angry at all the major fuck ups they make for the sake of looking cool just to not be honest and say they're shit.