#because one she was homeless and a domestic abuse survivor

[thefixer]

───   i'm gonna be on tonight because i feel a bit inspired to do shit around here . but i was randomly thinking yesterday about mia's anonymous contributions to charities and how she donates a lot of the money she makes ( which arguably is money made doing illegal shit , but no one has to know about that . ) also how she will buy food and basic shit for people who are homeless on the streets , or get them a hotel room for a week if they need the chance to get on their feet a bit . mia helping people out because she had no one to rely on in her childhood , and how she too was ignored on the streets just comes full circle for her .

[she-is-ovarit]

I am on government insurance (Medicaid). Out of pocket, my psychologist's rate is $225 an hour. He went through a decade or more of school, obtained a PhD, and graduated with student loan debt. He didn't state how much, but I can imagine it's likely in the hundreds of thousands considering he still has this debt and graduated with his PhD in the early 2000s.

He shared with me that out of that $225 rate, he obtains about $25 from one Medicaid client's insurance company. The insurance company pockets the rest. My friend, another therapist, has a similar story. She makes $75 off of Medicaid clients usually when her rate out of pocket is $200.

Most therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists are no longer accepting Medicaid/Medicare insurances because of this reason, which people who are poor are on. Over half of mental health professionals are no longer accepting insurance, period. I think we all understand that low-income people and low-income communities struggle the most with mental health issues, and if you are a person of color in the US you are more likely to be low-income. If you are a domestic violence survivor turned homeless because you left your significant other, you are also more likely to be on Medicaid. If you are a first generation student, you are most likely on Medicaid. If you are formerly incarcerated, you are most likely on Medicaid. And so on.

Additionally, if you are a human being of the female sex, you are far more likely to seek out therapy than someone of the male sex. Overwhelmingly men don't seek out therapy unless their female significant partner pleads with them, pressures them, or gives them an ultimatum which influences them to make an appointment. What does this mean when the vast majority of mass shooters, rapists, pedophiles, and domestic violence abusers are male?

Figure 2. Percentage of adults aged 18 and over who had received any mental health treatment, taken medication for their mental health, or received counseling or therapy from a mental health professional in the past 12 months, by sex: United States, 2019

Pair all of these details with the fact that mental health professionals are in such high demand right now, that even with private insurance the wait list is anywhere from three to six months out. Insurance agencies are business, and the corruption inherent. Many focus on prioritizing coverage for acute crisis rather than treating long term underlying conditions (which in turn prevents acute crises), don't provide coverage for co-occurring conditions, are advertising that more providers are accepting their insurance than there actually are, and are solely driven by financial interest.

I wonder how much domestic violence, sexual violence, child abuse, poverty, hate crimes, generational trauma, and overall suffering within individuals and in their societies can be reduced by valuing mental health and holding insurance companies accountable for their financial exploitation.

We talk about the US healthcare crisis without talking about the US mental health crisis.

[gatheringbones]

[“When it passed, some feminists hailed the 1994 Crime Act as a triumph because it included major legislation that sought to tackle violence against women – the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA). In a 2015 Feminist Current essay titled ‘A Thank-You Note to “Carceral”/”Sex-Negative” Feminists’, writer Penny White typifies this mainstream feminist praise for the VAWA and the police, writing that feminists of the seventies and eighties were ‘heroes’ who ‘paved the way for the Violence Against Women Act … which gave law enforcement 1.6 billion dollars to investigate and prosecute sexual and domestic violence … [This] transformed our culture into a bigger, safer, and freer space for women than I had ever dreamed possible.’

Rhetoric like this doesn’t just forget about victims of police and state violence – it throws them under the bus. Liberal commentator Amanda Marcotte caused outrage when she wrote an article titled ‘Prosecutors Arrest Alleged Rape Victim to Make Her Cooperate in Their Case. They Made the Right Call’, arguing that it was ‘understandable’ that prosecutors ‘might try to do everything within their power to convict [the perpetrator]’, including jailing his victim, adding that ‘we have to decide what’s more important to us: putting abusive men in jail or letting their victims opt out of cooperating with the prosecution as they see fit’. Carceral feminism prioritises punishing wrongdoers above all else, even protecting victims.

These competing perspectives on the 1994 Crime Act speak to larger conflicts within the feminist anti-violence movement and illuminate some of the problems with seeing the police as the solution to violence against women. Identifying the problems of this law-and-order approach pushes us to locate violence against women within the broader texture of state violence – including arrests, deportations, evictions, loss of child custody, anti-homelessness ordinances, the war on drugs, gentrification, and racism in policing and in the criminal justice system. The fight for decriminalisation is just one strand. Working to end the power of the police to assault, arrest, prosecute or deport people in the sex trades is part of a larger struggle for safety, a struggle which includes freeing incarcerated survivors, ending cash bail, and fighting for investment in the things that make people safer – not cops and prisons.”]

molly smith, juno mac, from revolting prostitutes: the fight for sex workers’ rights, 2018

[mamabearwonders]

a homeless lady who's my friend always offers hugs to people. she says the unhoused here are just a big family just no home. she's homeless because she saved her son from ODing. but not many care to ask her her story.

i complimented her dog and she's like you've lost a lot of people too haven't you. i was like too many and we both hugged each other and just cried a while and she said we'll see them again one day. in a place where there's no more pain or parting. we believe that despite us having two different beliefs.

i offered a woman who was obviously suffering last week. it's a way of saying i see you. you're a person. you matter. you have no idea how many people are this close to just ending it all. even a smile, a wave, a hi can make someone consider living another day to see what's around the corner.

i see auras and colors of souls. so i read people very well and many folks come to me. a lot of homeless folks are just people who are hurting. so discarded trafficking victims, foster care runaways, psychiatric abuse survivors, domestic abuse survivors, someone who was housing with them passed away 😇, you don't know unless you ask.

so many don't treat them like human beings.

[ablackwomansurvivingrape]

Domestic violence survivors struggle to find affordable housing

About 20 years ago, Kelly Mays found herself bouncing from place to place after her abuser — who she said was stalking her at the time because she broke up with him — would damage whatever home she tried to settle in. 

“I moved probably half a dozen times. I ended up being homeless. I was couch surfing and I was a single parent at the time," said Mays, 47, of Westland.

She found herself evicted and permanent housing became elusive.

In Michigan, 36% of women and about a quarter of men experienced some form of intimate partner violence — which is abuse or aggression within a romantic relationship — according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

Safe shelter is crucial for people fleeing domestic violence. But the acute shortage of affordable housing in Michigan makes it more difficult for survivors of abuse to find a home to call their own.

Housing helps survivors regain their footing. However, finding affordable units is one of the biggest barriers survivors face. Some organizations across southeast Michigan offer supportive housing and wraparound services, like helping clients with security deposits and employment assistance, but they say that demand for housing outweighs supply. 

“Housing is the one thin line between being able to move forward or having to go back” to an unsafe situation, said LaTonya Shephard, residential survivor advocate and team lead at First Step in Wayne County, a nonprofit providing services for victims of domestic and sexual violence.  

Survivors need refuge beyond temporary shelters. Oftentimes, lower incomes and the shortage of affordable units stand in the way of taking that next step. This can force a person back to their abuser or to couch hop or live in their cars, advocates said. 

That’s what many survivors faced when they left Turning Point’s shelter, said Sharman Davenport, CEO of the Macomb County organization that serves people facing domestic violence and sexual assault. 

One of Davenport’s goals when she came into her role 3½ years ago was to develop a housing program. 

Last year, Turning Point received grants to launch two housing programs that would fully cover clients' costs for up to two years or help with rent payments for a year, while also offering case management and counseling.

“Our demand at this point is pretty high. We're really looking for more units,” Davenport said. To date, Turning Point is helping to house 30 individuals in units across the county and is working to assist an additional 20 clients. 

The goal: guide survivors and their children toward financial and emotional stability, so they can start living a life, as Davenport puts it, "free of violence." 

Survivors face a barrage of barriers

Domestic violence is one of the main causes of homelessness among women and their children, according to the National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV). 

The National Low Income Housing Coalition reports upwards of 50%of all homeless women said that domestic violence was the immediate reason for their housing insecurity. At some point in their lives, more than 90% of homeless women have experienced severe physical or sexual abuse, a NNEDV fact sheet notes. 

Intimate partner violence is a pattern of abusive behavior, said Aimee Nimeh, president and CEO of HAVEN in Oakland County, which also runs a transitional housing program. Clients get help with rent payments, security deposits and finding permanent housing. 

Abusers do more than strike their victims. They  may control finances, making it harder for their victims to build credit, or work. And so when victims leave and attempt to secure a roof over their head, they don't have financial resources to do so.

“If you have been living in a situation where somebody's been sabotaging your credit, has been sabotaging your ability to have employment and to have access to your own money, then that can be a really difficult transition to make,” Nimeh said. 

Survivors may come to agencies with just the clothes on their backs, little in the bank and without important documents, like Social Security cards and IDs. 

"Sometimes they've had to quit jobs because the perpetrator of their intimate partner violence knows where they work ... so they're coming in with very little income on hand, and having a housing stock that's priced way out of their range is a challenge," said Celia Thomas, chief operating officer for Detroit-based Alternatives for Girls. 

Since last year, the nonprofit has helped domestic violence survivors in Detroit and Wayne County with legal advocacy, food assistance and housing.

“Usually, housing is a need among so many other needs,” said Nimeh of HAVEN.

Housing is 'paramount' to safety 

The demand for housing programs is high, especially with emergency shelters at capacity. The average shelter stay is 60 days but it can take anywhere from six to 10 months to land housing, the NNEDV reports. 

Safe and affordable housing is “paramount to keeping survivors safe,” said Nimeh.

Even organizations helping survivors struggle to locate places at the right price and landlords willing to rent out their properties. 

Overall, Michigan has a lack of affordable housing.

Seventy-three percent of extremely low income families —  those with annual incomes of $25,750 or less for a family of four — spend more than half of their income on housing, according to a National Low Income Housing Coalition analysis. There are 35 affordable and available units per 100 extremely low income households in the state, making Michigan one of 13 states below the national average. In other words, the state needs roughly 200,000 units for these households. Metro Detroit alone needs 100,000 units, the coalition estimated.

"Being able to find good, quality safe housing in the city is challenging because the prices of rental properties are going up, the prices of good quality rental properties are skyrocketing," Thomas said of Detroit's market, adding that the city is not alone. The average rent for a one-bedroom apartment in Detroit is $990, according to the real estate website Zumper.

Advocates say wraparound services, such as employment assistance, should be paired with housing help. 

“Any one of us is a paycheck or a situation away from losing our housing,” said Shannon Smith, director of Housing and  Community Development at Lighthouse, a social services nonprofit in Oakland County. 

'Nowhere for me to stay'

Organizations have also been struggling to find landlords willing to rent out their properties, said Nagham Dabaja, a coordinator for the Survivors of Violence Empowerment program at the Arab Community Center for Economic and Social Services (ACCESS), which offers a 24-month transitional housing program. 

Agencies cannot guarantee that clients will stay during the full leasing period, and so that may mean a month-to-month tenancy, Dabaja said. Some landlords may want rental income to come directly from renters, and not the agencies helping them. Others may worry that abusers could show up to the property itself and cause problems. 

That’s something Mays, a professional counselor at a mental health care nonprofit and a slam poet, is all too familiar with. One abuser from two decades ago would prevent her from staying in one place too long, forcing her to move about half a dozen times.

"There was nowhere for me to stay," she said.

Years later, a different abuser sent her to the hospital on her child's first birthday. He kicked her so many times, she said, that she was left partially deaf in one ear. 

Her abusers, she said, would use manipulation tactics: If she talked to male waiters at a restaurant, she’d have to pay for her own meal, not eat at all or take it to go; if she “didn’t act right,” one abuser would take the car that was under his name away from her.

Mays, who relied on HAVEN to get back on her feet a decade ago and who now speaks to other survivors through the agency, says there is a “huge connection” between safety and home for those facing domestic violence. 

“A lot of times they stay because homelessness seems a lot more frightening than the violence that they know," she said. 

How to get help

First Step: 734-722-6800; www.firststep-mi.org/

Turning Point: 586-463-6990; turningpointmacomb.org/

ACCESS: 833-782-6348; bit.ly/ACCESSprogram 

HAVEN: 248-334-1274 or 877-922-1274; www.haven-oakland.org/

For a full list of ways to get help by county, go to bit.ly/domesticviolenceprograms 

The U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline is 800-799-7233

[akankshaa-11]

Book review: It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover

Rating: 10/10

Naked truth? I'm happily devastated. Yes, this book is worth all the hype. No one conveys an emotional story like Colleen Hoover. This is my 2nd read by the author and is not a romance but the story of domestic abuse survivor.

The story is fast-paced & divided into two different timelines. I loved Lily she is a beautiful & strong woman I've ever come across. I fell in love with Ryle in those first few chapters just like Lily did until he started abusing her. After the first incident, I hated him & then the last incident became unforgivable & for Lily too. Lily herself grew up in an abusive relationship &seeing same thing happened to her was heart-wrenching. I sympathised with her. She fell in love with a man who didn't deserve to fall in love at all. Ryle had no right to be abusive towards Lily due to what happened to him at his young age. He needs help.

And then there is this sweet, caring,homeless, preserving Atlas. I adored him. He made a name for himself, was Lily's first love, named his restaurant after her because she was the biggest wave he'd ever come across. He stayed true to his nature & loved Lily no matter how long it took her to realize she loved him too.

The author puts her reader into Lily's shoes as she experiences the pain, hurt, and the betrayal of the one she loved the most. I felt her emotions. After reading this book, I finally understood why it is hard for women to leave their abusive relationship simply because they are in love. Also, they are not financially stable. Any form of abuse should not be tolerated, and this book shows that. The authors note at the end was emotional for me. It was heartbreaking knowing that its authors own experiences of her mother made it the most important part of the book.

[parrishjeanna]

I’m just going to put this out there.

“Grooming can be defined as the process that an abuser uses to desensitise you – to make you less likely to reject or report abusive behaviour.

Grooming can happen when there is a power differential within a relationship, which the abuser exploits for their own gratification.

This is most commonly recognised as a tactic used by perpetrators of child sexual abuse, both on children and parents. However, adults can also be groomed.

Adult grooming

While grooming is most associated with child sexual abuse, it is also possible for adults, especially vulnerable adults to be groomed – or prepared – for abuse.

As with children, this is more common in situations where there is a power differential – for example by someone older or physically stronger, or by a professional who has a measure of control over you, such as a doctor or a teacher.

Many gay men arrive in London having fled homophobia in other environments and throw themselves into the gay scene. You might have then been coerced or encouraged into doing things – for example you might have met someone who encouraged you into the chemsex scene, saying that it is the norm, that it’s just what happens in the gay community, something like a rite of passage.

In expensive cities like London this could also take the form of people offering cheap or free accommodation in exchange for sex, leaving you feeling trapped in a situation whereby if you refuse sex you might then be made homeless.

Grooming can also happen in domestic and relationship settings where the abusive partner, over time, introduces abusive acts that you feel coerced into allowing. In these situations, consent is coerced and therefore is not consent. .

The effects of grooming

One of the key results of grooming is that the survivor is left carrying the shame of the events, often represented in a sense of complicity – that you let it happen. This self blame once again makes the abuse difficult to talk about. Grooming makes it more difficult to identify when abuse is happening, and more difficult to identify and talk about in retrospect. The law is clear; when consent to sex is coerced, including emotionally coerced sex, it is not consent.”

Their relationship is fully consensual between two adults. Tommy did not manipulate Buck into it. In fact when he thought Buck wasn’t comfortable with being with him he backed off and said see you around.

Buck was the one who chose to seek him out again. Buck was the one trying to spend time with Tommy. Buck was the one wanting to have a relationship with Tommy.

Tommy didn’t even think it was an option until Buck said he was trying to get his attention. They also do not have a power imbalance. Tommy has not tried to push Buck into doing anything Buck doesn’t want to do. Buck was the one who started the daddy kink flirting.

Let’s not forget that Buck has experience with having an older partner as Abby was 17 years older than him. And just like with Tommy Buck was the one who was actually in control of the relationship.

Abby asked Buck out but he wanted to keep it strictly on the phone because of his intimacy issues. She was good with that. Every interaction they had was instigated by Buck. She didn’t manipulate him into anything. 

The only SA Buck has suffered was at the hands of his female psychiatrist (power imbalance) which is when he realizes he has a major problem and let sex take a back seat and put his feelings first. 

Honestly, it’s sad that a healthy gay relationship needs to be defended just because one of them is a little older.

Another sad thing is knowing how much time Tim and Lou spent talking about how they don’t want Tommy to come off as a predator and were so careful of his actions and words. For example; Tommy asking TWICE if it was okay that he kissed Buck, backing off once he felt that Buck was uncomfortable with being out in public with him, telling Buck TWICE that how he felt and reacted in the moment were valid feelings he had and didn’t need to apologize for, asking TWICE if Buck was sure about coming out the everyone he knew at his sisters wedding.

Tommy has so many green flags I’d be more worried about Buck taking advantage of him if Buck wasn’t such a cinnamon roll.

All of you “fans” who think Tommy is horrible or a groomer need to learn what abuse actually looks like. Read a psychology book or something. I learned the hard way. I’ve been groomed, but was lucky enough to be too worried about getting into trouble to actually do anything. I’ve been in an emotional manipulative power imbalance relationship, that was a rollercoaster of a ride. As someone with real life experience Tommy is all green flags.

And to all you “fans” that are just here for Buddie. Stop watching the show and stick to your fanfiction. It’s not as if Buddie is going away, it’s just staying platonic the way it’s been for the last 6 seasons. FFS the show isn’t over with yet. Who knows maybe in 2 or 3 seasons we’ll get romantic Buddie or not. I frankly don’t care who he ends up with, though I greatly prefer Tommy because as a romantic partner Eddie is all red flags right now and needs time to get his shit together. My only wish is for Buck to be happy. 

Yes, I tagged the hell out of this because I think everyone needs to see this. STOP SENDING HATE TO EVERYONE JUST BECAUSE YOU DONT GET YOUR WAY.

do you think tommy is a groomer

no, he's a firefighter pilot with the lafd and imo he'd be terrible at giving dogs haircuts

[imaginarianisms]

i genuinely think that misa would've tried to use her platform for humanitarian causes. yes, she's the second kira & yes, she's a serial killer & a mass murderer, but she firmly believes in justice & helping other people & only punishes people who do, like, really awful horrible shit like child abusers, animal abusers, sex offenders, traffickers, people who abuse sex workers, people who beat their spouses, corrupt government officials, especially those who explicitly makes laws against marginalized groups, people who've done racist, homophobic, transphobic or otherwise queerphobic, ableist & religious hatecrimes, in self defense to protect herself, to protect people she cares about & loves or to avenge herself when she's wronged. especially because her own government & her justice system wasn't there for her.

misa was very well loved & her fanbase is entirely aware of her traumatic background which is why they ride so hard for her. i genuinely think that she'd use her fame, influence, & platform to raise awareness about important social, environmental & humanitarian issues & gives back to various charities, particularly queer people bc i think she'd publicly come out as bisexual which would likely shock a lot of people as while there's not as much moral or social weight to orientation or gender as the west, the government of japan is relatively conservative & thus people who're members of the LGBTQIA+/queer community in japan still face significant discrimination & prejudice to the point where it's hard for many people to come out, same gender marriage & same gender couples can't legally adopt children still isn't a thing over there but misa doesn't give a shit & keeps advocating for queer people locally & internationally, sex workers rights considering she was one herself, supporting the education of young women, & community growth both locally & internationally by supporting people who were wrongfully detained & tortured, domestic violence survivors who often go unreported due to social & cultural concerns about shaming the family name, homeless people, refugees & displaced peoples & their families & advocating for mental health, animals & giving knowledge to outcast animals that have been neglected, mistreated & misunderstood, supporting minorities in both japan like with the hisabetsu-buraku, the descendants of outcast communities of feudal japan, the ainu & okinawans (whom she also shares heritage with. btw), the indigenous peoples of northern & southern japan respectively & gaikokujin / foreigners & non-japanese people in the country & internationally & helping the environment & promoting diversity in the beauty & fashion industry because she's the type of person to do that, she's literally around a shinigami constantly 24/7 & doesn't blink an eye, & pays visits in hospitals including children's hospitals & spending time with them especially because she has a soft spot for children because she wanted to be a mother herself eventually, & sends a lot of her money to relief funds when natural disasters strike both in japan & other places around the world. bc like. yeah misa is morally questionable in the sense that she's an international star & a model & an idol secretly moonlighting as the second kira but her heart is in the right place.

[tieflingkisser]

Ruling on homelessness raises the risks for domestic violence survivors, experts say

57 percent of unhoused women report domestic violence as their immediate cause of homelessness. The Supreme Court’s decision to uphold an Oregon law could further limit their options.

In a 6-3 decision, the Supreme Court has ruled in the case of Grants Pass, Oregon v. Gloria Johnson, to uphold a law enacted by a small Oregon town that bars those experiencing homelessness from using blankets, pillows and cardboard boxes while sleeping outdoors within city limits. Those who are found doing so can impose fines for camping in public on first-time offenders and up to 30 days of jail time for repeat offenders. It’s a case that has major implications for survivors of domestic violence, experts say. 

[...]

Kate Walz, a senior staff attorney at the National Housing Law Project (NHLP) and an expert on housing rights and domestic violence, told The 19th that throughout her 20 years as a Legal Aid attorney, she routinely saw situations where domestic abusers would try to make their victims homeless — “and they know how to manipulate systems to make that work.” They may call the police on their victim, or call the public housing authority and self-report that they are living in the home of their victim when they are not supposed to, even though they’re not — all to jeopardize a victim’s housing status. “They will take steps to sabotage whatever minute stability a victim might have so that they’re homeless, because then they know there is an increased chance that the survivor will return to them.” Criminalizing being unhoused, Walz said, only serves to enact more barriers for survivors by creating a set of “impossible choices” that often lead them with few viable options for securing their and their family’s safety.  “If local governments are authorized to enact local policies that allow them to find and arrest people because they are living outside, they are really being complicit in the increase of gender-based violence against survivors without homes,” Walz said. “Maybe a park looks cleaner and safer to sleep in than a home that might increase the risk of violence to a person’s body. This law says that we as a society should accept a person having to accept the risk of violence.”

[...]

Moran-Kuhn stressed that one of the key facets of domestic violence is isolation — and many survivors do not have family and friends or have been isolated from them and have no one to turn to for help. And for housing, “if they do not have a place to go, if their local domestic violence program has a full shelter or there is not another safe area to go, they will potentially become homeless.”

[scentedchildnacho]

She wanted to know if I had tried shelters.....so I said no it's a very brutal fascistic frietal terrorist war everywhere you go .....so there was a lot of families or a lot of men to put in there because it became an easy spot for mass murderers to pick up a falun dafa body so that all got a lot scarier for offenders to approach

It is Iraq like we went to shelters first naive and peace keeping and that was so shocking now serial rapeists or who knows all may only have the company of large smelly mean men that are more upper class selfish and unsympathetic then they could be

Because homeless men use to be nice mentals with some problems and it was so obscene they had to replace them with ones that truly don't care how reeky criminal they are....

She told me I could go to a psychiatric evaluation so I told her I have been homeless for like a decade psychiatry has no relevance to how severe the conflict is.....you need to have triage facilities its like claiming a survivor of Guantanamo bay is just a mental I have stress fractures all over my skull

She asked me at church so I told her no there is no where to go this isn't sustainable.....they all have to run and hide also but have housing and community etc

If the Americans don't go to Canada they would have to tolerate domestic abuse nigger lovers and niggers also niggers

You can't have all pale conditions and avoid niggers it's rawanda she would go steal all their tribal rituals to sell guns if you have any type of unsustainable community niggers will show up to expect taking care of and revenges

Heyroth...heyroth was a girl military brat and it's as simple as ones bad care and it's if you won't let out so and so to a house mother

All pale communities have bad bitch kids to health care and so eventually a nigger will show up to kill you of illegal labor standards

Rubi bridges if you were allowed more select match black relations black police show up for niggerish situations instead of scary dark German mythic non understanding condition

Nigger kind of has become like Cuban more and more alienated skin conditions

So outside is mostly for the children it's better then crowding into a compound and making the children have their shower times....the parents finally fatigue and ware out of trying to bring their families to those situations if they don't have singles to help them freely

We aren't around to divert child protective services to the singles and the families finally stop then opening those places if their kids can't hide among it

Texas would finally start explaining to me county interaction with Africans but it's counties that causes birthers that's all they do is birth so if counties want those children to buy of a litter they have to house that birther and leave me alone

Its a shelter the police who own it used a lot of heroin and they believe in slavery...some women work and single and drug for them some do nothing but birth for them it's not environmental and causes infinity

That's why Japanese peace lady kusara was eventually forgiven and removed from depressive sanctions....the United States military had intentions of continuing a homo genetics forever as long as they could live off herds

Earth lady told them strictly two births then you have to diversify here or the Japanese will have to agree with the United States it's an inbreed animal population and they just don't want it's virus infiltrating and bomb it

Women's health from shelters is maintained very weakly off bad historic art of heroin masters

Because the neo Nazi strength schools turned out ugly from refusing to share

Their muscles look like pigoon inserts...a Margaret Atwood slang for growth hormones in pigs...

They look like they model for meat markets it's so Koch ugly now die of watching his run

Its like English literature fantasy shelter women in catholicism many of them are weakly uncommonly pretty and it's did you let British royalty escape to useing you for sex work are you carrying a royal baby

Sometimes a lot shows up to capture a pregnancy and really nothing has gone on

Georgia o Keefe is kind of terrifying about noticing organic product as very simple and easily replicated over and over and over

WisconSin is penicillin and allopathics and modern ecology

Well to natchez the trail of years or worse then death did eventually result in emancipation so hopefully new York will not soon be so ineffectual like here try my blanket that's better isn't...it...and my county owner will finally be told His house is on federal property and owned by who worked and kept it clean

If it's northern minnesota if it's cuban nigger county owners he finally cut her head off if restitution was enforced for using her as a slave

Its the above that shelters keep making me include of domestic abuse cases

So it may be isn't my nephews the really big boob queen is too obeisant down in pb

I've thought about my case and my owner abuser isn't that eve ill it's something else among us....mine mostly beats me real bad

[mermaidswearlipstick]

Domestic violence is a huge problem that affects people of all ages, races, and genders. In an article written by DomesticViolence.org, it is states that 40-70 percent of female murder victims in the U.S. have been killed by their husband or boyfriend, usually with on ongoing history of an abusive relationship. This same article states that every 9 seconds another woman in the U.S. is being beaten. Why is domestic violence such a huge, yet unseen issue in the United States? There are several different reasons, and throughout this paper I will explore each of them in depth and raise awareness to this very serious problem our country faces.

First of all, one of the biggest reason domestic violence is such an unknown problem is because it predominantly happens at home behind closed doors with most cases never being reported to the police. This, however, does not mean that the problem does not exist and even spill into future generations. Along with the death percentages related to domestic violence, it is also the third leading cause of homelessness among families. Statistics show that 50% of all women who are homeless report that domestic violence is the immediate cause of their homelessness, according to The National Center on Family Homelessness. There are women with their children, living in the streets and shelter after shelter just trying to escape domestic violence. This leads into the next topic.

While it may seem that once a person escapes a domestically violent relationship they would never go back, however, that is very rarely the case. In an article written by Amanda Kippert, she states “Survivors may return to an abuser for multiple, complicated reasons and, according to a survey of 844 survivors by DomesticShelters.org, victims will leave and come back 6.3 times on average before leaving for good.” That is on average 6-7 attempts of back and fourth, of these victims feeling freedom and relief from their abuser, only to make the decision to go back to the abuse that will undoubtedly continue. Why does this happen? Why do women stay in these relationships so long, and go back once they escape? The problem is abusers use many different mind control like techniques on their victims.

There are many different angles and ways that an abuser can convince a victim to stay or even come back once they have left. These include Isolating their victims socially, Restricting access to information, Enforcing rules with punishments for “disobedience”, Blocking their partners from making decisions about things that matter, Keeping their partners sleepy and even malnourished, and gaslighting. Another very common tactic is Making a partner miserable and then comforting them which leads to trauma bonding. This is when the victim turns to the abuser for consolation, which reinforces their attachment, even though the abuser was the original source of the suffering.

The effects of these tactics have a huge impact on a victims health. In An article written by Lisa Aronson Fontes Ph.D, there are many quotes from survivors, such as “I felt like my brain was controlled by a computer chip.” “I couldn’t think for myself. I really couldn’t think at all.” “I looked in the mirror and felt like I wasn’t there.” “All the constant psychic pressure made me feel like trash.” Survivors are so accustomed to coordinating their lives around the abuser’s wishes. Sometimes they feel panicked, lost, and empty when this central person is “gone.” This is one of the main causes of victims returning to the abusive relationship.

Furthermore, another reason women tend to stay in these dangerous, deadly, domestic violence relationships is that a lot of people believe and are under the impression that domestic violence is only physical. Even many victims have admitted to not seeing the other forms of abuse as “real”. According to an article by Reach Team, there are six forms of abuse. Physical, sexual, verbal/emotional, mental/psychological, financial/economic, and cultural/identity. Physical abuse is the most commonly known abuse, however contrary to popular beliefs, it does not make any of the other forms of abuse less “real” or painful.

All of these forms of abuse vary from each other, but victims often experience multiple forms throughout the domestic violence relationship. Physical abuse is the most well known form of abuse, which includes punching, kicking, slapping, biting, even reckless driving and invasion of personal space can be considered a form of physical abuse. While sexual abuse can be a form of physical abuse, it can include both physical and non-physical components. It can involve rape or other forced sexual acts, or withholding or using sex as a weapon. An abusive partner might also use sex as a means to judge their partner and assign a value, such as criticizing or saying that someone isn’t good enough at sex, or that sex is the only thing they’re good for. Because sex can be so loaded with emotional and cultural implications, there are any number of ways that the feelings around it can be uniquely used for power and control.

Next, I would like to touch on verbal/emotional and mental/psychological abuse, which also often go hand in hand together. Verbal or Emotional abuse can be any type of degradation or humiliation. As one survivor puts it, “My ex-husband used words like weapons; like shards of glass, cutting and slowly draining my life, until I had nearly none left. I didn’t think I was abused because he didn’t hit me- usually… I had begun to believe his awful lies- how worthless I was, how stupid, how ugly, and how no one would ever want me.” This can be very similar to emotional and psychological abuse as words are also a way it is used. Mental or psychological abuse happens when the abuser, through a series of actions or words, wears away at the other’s sense of mental wellbeing and health. It often involves making the victim doubt their own sanity. The effects of verbal/emotional abuse are harder to spot, and harder to prove. Emotional scars can often take longer to heal.

Finally, the last forms of domestic violence I would like to address is financial/economic and cultural/identity. Because abuse is about power and control, an abuser will use any means necessary to maintain that control, and often that includes finances. Whether it is controlling all of the budgeting in the household and not letting the survivor have access to their own bank accounts or spending money, or simply not letting the survivor have a job and earn their own money, this type of abuse is often a big reason why someone is unable to leave an abusive relationship. Cultural abuse happens when abusers use aspects of a victim’s particular cultural identity to inflict suffering, or as a means of control. Not letting someone dress customs of their faith, using racial slurs, threatening to ‘out’ someone as LGBQ/T if their friends and family don’t know, or isolating someone who doesn’t speak the dominant language where they live – all of these are examples of cultural abuse.

In conclusion, I believe that domestic violence is a very serious and common problem that our country faces, and I truly believe these rates and statistics need to be dramatically lowered. Awareness to victims needs to become more prevalent. As serious as physical abuse is, all six forms of abuse need to be recognized. More importantly, domestic violence victims need to know that they are not alone. That they deserve better, and that there is help and resources out there. More survivors, like myself, must put their stories of success and surviving out there. I believe with this change, a difference can be made in so many victims lives and give others the courage to leave for good. It took me three times to leave my abusive relationship. It is my goal to help others who have been in situations similar to mine to leave. Whether it be their first time, fifth time, or eighth time, I want to help make it their final time. Together as humans, I believe a difference can be made.

[nonbinaryproblems]

GBV Persuasive Speech

To begin, I want to tell you guys a few stories.

When I was 13, I was at the mall with a few friends. It was summer time so I was wearing a t shirt and shorts, something comfortable I could walk around in. And I thought nothing more of my outfit until a man yelled at me from behind about how much he liked my shorts.

When I was 17, a guy in my class called me “it” after he learned about my gender.

When I was 18, my mom gave me a talk before I moved here for college. She told me to not go anywhere alone at night, to always be aware of my surroundings, and to never accept a drink from someone I didn’t know.

When I was 19, I was walking to the park in jeans and a hoodie when an older man leaned halfway out his truck window just to whistle at me.

A month ago, a man waited for me to leave the gas station and walk by his car so he could tell me how hot he thought I was.

I wish I could stand up here and tell you that these are unique stories. That I’m just extremely unlucky and that these things don’t happen every single day. But I can’t.

Because the unfortunate truth of the world we live in is that gender based violence is a very prevalent issue. Gender based violence is defined as “harmful acts directed at an individual based on their gender.” Makes sense.

Today, I’m partnered with the GBVPO, or the Gender Based Violence Prevention Organization. I’m here to spread awareness to these issues, discuss one of the ways our current system is failing, and explain how your generous donations can help fix it.

While discussions about gender based violence typically revolve solely around women, I’m here to expand the conversation a little bit.

According to an article written by the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network, 3% of American men are victims of attempted or completed rape. To put that into perspective that’s about 1 in 33 men. So imagine an average sized college class of all guys. It’s extremely likely that at least one of them has been or will be raped in their lifetime.

And I don’t say that just to scare you into paying attention. The stereotypical way of thinking, as awful and outdated as it is, is that men aren’t and can’t be victims. That men are too strong, too big, too tough to be victims of something like sexual assault. But that’s not true. Gender based violence is something that impacts us all and I urge you to pay attention even if you don’t have any stories like mine.

One of the biggest issues is that our system is so broken, people don’t feel like they can report gender based violence. According to an article written by UNWomen in 2022, “less than 40% of the women who experience violence seek help of any sort” and a similar article by ManKind says 49% of male victims “fail to tell anyone they are a victim of domestic abuse.” These statistics aren’t just talking about going to the police. Most people don’t tell a soul, including those they consider their closest friends.

And even if they do get the courage to look for help, people are often left with very few options.

Did you know that if you google “Women’s shelter near me” you get a list of places and websites as well as the number for the domestic abuse hotline. But if you google “men’s shelters near me” you get a list of homeless shelters. What are men supposed to do when they finally get the courage to leave their abusive partner and realize there’s nowhere for them to go?

Even if someone is able to find a shelter, there’s no guarantee that there’ll even be a spot for them. A 2017 article written by the National Network to End Domestic Violence, titled “16 Things You May Not Know about Housing for Survivors”, says they find that “when shelters are full, survivors are often faced with an impossible decision between returning to an abuser or risking homelessness”.

Our organization wants to change all of this.

We know it’s not yet feasible to change the entire judicial system or solve the homelessness problem in our country, so right now we’re focused on the individuals. We want to do more talks like this to help educate the public. We believe that the more people are able and willing to talk about these issues openly, the less common they’ll become. If more people stand up to their friends when they make a joke that doesn’t quite land if you know what I mean, the less likely they’ll be to make the same joke twice. We want to create discomfort for those that believe it’s ok to not only discriminate against but actively punish people because of their gender.

On top of that, we’re working to create and maintain safe spaces for victims of gender based violence to go.

Our hope is that we’ll be able to raise enough money to at least get the ball rolling. We are admittedly a small organization and don’t have many big name connections but everyone has to start somewhere. For us that’s with donations, but for many people it starts with housing. And with your help we can give that to them.

The GBVPO also wants to help spread the word about resources such as the domestic abuse hotline, the sexual abuse hotline, and the Trevor Project. That could be through ads on youtube, billboards, or just social media posts. And even if all we reach is one person, that’s one more person who’s willing to ask for help than there was yesterday.

As I’m finishing this speech I only ask two things of you. The first is pretty simple, tell someone about what you learned today and tell them that you’ll be in their corner if something like this were to happen to them. The second is to donate. Our organization may be small but our cause is not. Even just a few dollars in donations could make all the difference in the world for someone. Maybe it’ll fund the ad that shows them the number to the Trevor Project when they need it most, maybe it’ll pay for someone’s first hot meal in a shelter, or maybe it’ll be the reason that I give this talk directly to them. You have the chance to change someone’s life and all I’m asking is that you do.

[mswyrr]

That was a bit of a rhetorical flourish on my part lol. Yeah, harassment isn't helping anything. And people who engage in harassing behavior (including but not limited to death threats, -ist slurs, telling people to ky/s, telling people they deserve to be abused, etc) are definitely using fandom rhetoric over fiction as a cover to get to abuse real people in full view and have people look away or even cheer it on. Because many people who want to abuse are quite good at figuring out ways to do that, in any kind of community space. It's one of the things that makes some people able to go on long-term abusing.

OTOH, I'm not entirely against the idea that cultural narratives* have some role... but when we talk about cultural narratives we need to start with cultural bs like the narrative that abuse happens because of some inner characteristic a woman has vs the broader society and the mindset and acculturation of the person doing the abuse. (Also the issues with the idea that abuse is primarily in romantic relationships and exclusively an issue in m/f relationships and women are always victims and never perpetrators). We need to start with all the "but why does she stay?" bullshit. When it's clear we, as a nation, have structured things to trap people. Knowingly and willfully: the end of "welfare as we know it" was under a Democrat and Democrats were warned repeatedly about the consequences.

Why does she stay? Because she and her kids will be homeless if she leaves. And when you are homeless in this country the entire community and the might of the militarized police (and the CPS to prison pipeline; if she and her kids are homeless, those kids will probably be taken away) is brought down on you, to crush and destroy you. *That* violence is often accurately deemed more dangerous by many survivors than dv. And their assessment isn't unrealistic! It's not a romance novel taking over someone's mind and making them stay, it's our collective choices and our government and how they spend our money on war and never on social uplift.

The structural violence and economic inequality of the society and all the policy decisions that undergird it creates the conditions that promote and enable domestic violence. It is a collective, not individualistic problem, and it requires collective support.

*though misogyny clearly plays a role in why people obsess about love stories when the US has, say, incredible romanticization of gun violence and using violence to solve problems in our media, esp media aimed at boys and men, and so many mass shootings by men, and yet people are able to see that getting rid of access to guns is more important as a way to address that than censoring media or attacking people who enjoy, like, John Wick movies. but when it comes to dv suddenly people cannot see the many, many practical, material changes we could make to improve the situation. (nor do they see the connection between encouraging and romanticizing violence for men and boys and dv lol). no, it's all about those dirty nasty pathetic girls and how we're clearly asking for it because we like "beauty and the beast"

things that would help reduce the impact of domestic violence in the US:

-affordable housing

-higher minimum wage

-Medicare for All

-no cost and low cost quality child care

-affordable access to quality mental health/addiction services

-a solid UBI and/or quality social welfare programs*

-comprehensive, age appropriate sex ed throughout school that includes info about recognizing issues in relationships, raising problems with friends and family in productive ways, getting help from available resources, and supporting someone who is being abused

-reforming/transforming the "justice system," with an emphasis on non-punitive support vs carceral solutions

things that don't even make the top 20:

-harassing women and other folks on the internet for their taste in love stories and erotica

-demanding all love stories, because they're overwhelmingly written and enjoyed by women, be didactic instruction manuals* about how to have perfectly healthy relationships

things that abusers actually use to cover their tracks and silence victims:

-pretending that gay couples don't have similar rates of domestic violence as m/f couples

*advocates warned bill clinton when he "ended welfare as we know it" that it would financially trap people in abusive relationships. he didn't care.

**even perfectly normal, psychologically "healthy" relationships with accurate levels of conflict and issues are being treated like they're "harmful" and "toxic" especially if they're f/f

[sneezewizard]

This was a highly politicized trial that seemed to blow up due to a collective effort on the right to raise it into a political and a culture war issue. When a bunch of people are suddenly getting very angry about one particular thing online, it always raises a lot of alarm bells for me. And indeed, far-right news outlets spent tens of thousands of dollars pushing ads on this trial. Outrage sells. Which means that if someone or some group of someones is trying to get you to be very angry on the internet, especially at one person in particular, its always important to take a step back and ask why does this person want me to be so angry? I don’t want to get into the specifics of the trial itself. The media circus around it was horrid. I couldn’t follow it very closely. I’m a survivor, and I’ve been cross-examined on the stand trying to get a restraining order, and let me tell you that was one of the least fun fucking things I’ve ever had to do. If someone had decided to turn that into a meme, god I don’t think I would have made it. I’ve also worked in the domestic violence field, and now I work in politics and boy did those two things come together here in a very bad way. This, like recent cultural blowups and panics about various forms of abuse (LGBT hate disguised as anti-grooming discourse, QAnon, etc) are an immense distraction and do an immense disservice to the people actually working to stop abuse. Anti-domestic violence work is inextricable from antipoverty work. Wealthy people are victims of domestic violence, and it's awful when it happens to anyone. But domestic violence is at its most dangerous when people have no other options, and the people needing emergency shelter and resources are not usually like Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. They're often struggling with homelessness, poverty, mental health, addiction, various forms of discrimination, and practically every institutional barrier you could imagine. They often don't have a family or social network that is able to help them. If a survivor has children, that makes leaving even more difficult and expensive. Domestic violence shelters and housing programs are often underfunded, and staff face burnout and secondhand trauma from the work they do all while making basically no money. I knew a girl who worked at an emergency shelter that had a scabies outbreak, and she was so terrified for weeks that she was going to get scabies. She did not make enough money to deal with the ramifications of having to take off work because she got scabies. Domestic shelters in the U.S. (I can’t speak to other countries, but it wouldn’t surprise me if this were also the case) often compete against homeless shelters for funding. So it creates this weird toxic competitiveness that is very detrimental in the long run, all these service agencies pitted against each other for scraps. This is not the first time domestic violence has become a culture war topic to the detriment of progress on the issue. Domestic violence as a point of culture war started with the Father’s Rights groups that formed in the 1970s as a response to feminism, changes in family law, and the burgeoning anti-domestic violence movement itself. And the language around this trial has a lot of the same right-wing, misogynist undertones employed by these groups 50 years ago. Yes, men face domestic violence and this should absolutely be recognized and better addressed, but having the far-right lead out on conversations about gender and domestic violence does nothing but set us back. The policy solutions proposed by Father’s Rights groups never were actually about addressing domestic violence, and generally would have make things harder for survivors of any gender. Turning domestic violence into a culture war topic always sets us back. It ends up obfuscating and misinforming people of the actual issues underpinning domestic violence, which is that we live in a country that makes it hard for people to leave. And the timing here sure does feel ominous. It’s especially alarming to me that this has all blown up on the eve of Roe being overturned, which will be a disaster for people facing domestic violence. Overturning Roe will make this worse. Continuing to gut social services to line the pockets of the wealthy will make this worse. An overly punitive criminal justice system makes it worse. The threat of deportation for undocumented immigrants makes it worse. The threat of defamation suits and the politicization of domestic violence makes it worse. Nothing about the way this trial was covered raised any sort of awareness about this all in a real or productive way. Domestic violence agencies have been fighting for recognition and awareness for decades, and it makes me so disheartened to see tiktok accounts amass millions of views around this trial treating it like some sort of spectacle. We need a conversation around domestic violence that doesn’t involve fancams. If, in following this trial, you have decided that this is an issue you care about, that’s great. But please be aware of the political motivations of certain coverage of the trial. Get involved and support people actually doing anti-domestic violence work. If you are based in the U.S., find your local domestic violence program here and donate, if you can: https://www.womenslaw.org/find-help/advocates-and-shelters Or, donate to NNEDV if you want to support anti-domestic violence policy work on the national level: https://nnedv.org/donate-now/

[redphlox]

The Todorokis and the Takamis

Hello hello hello! Okay, so the fan translated chapter of BNHA 299 came out and I’m drowning in a downpour of feelings and parallels. So, below this cut, I’ll discuss parallels between Shouto and Hawks, Hawks and Endeavor, the Todoroki siblings and Keigo, and Rei and Tomie. I’ll also comment on the realistic depiction of domestic abuse survivors and dysfunctional family dynamics within the manga. Thanks in advance for reading!

The only hero Shouto probably had been exposed to as a child because he was isolated was his own dad, who abused his family. Shouto didn't want to be a hero because, as he had experienced personally, heroes were bad people who hurt their loved ones. The fire quirk he inherited from his father was something that hurt others. He had no other frame of reference for the fire quirk; his mother, who was kind and loving, had an ice quirk, Natsuo and Fuyumi had an ice quirk, and Touya (if Shouto even has memories of this) was being hurt by his own fire quirk. No wonder five year old Shouto was fearful of his left side and the thought of becoming a hero.

But that changed when Rei introduced him to All Might via a television recording she showed him in secret. Shouto learned that his father wasn’t representative of all heroes. Not all heroes hurt their families, and this meant Shouto’s fire quirk was his to use for good. He realized his dad was, ironically, a bad hero, and that it was okay to want to be a hero because Shouto would be a good one. Even if Shouto forgot this lesson in the years after Rei was hospitalized, the memory was there and rekindled during the sports festival. Shouto truly does believe in heroes because he’s seen proof of it in All Might, who indirectly saved Shouto and his belief in heroes just by being himself on that television show. Shouto also believes in heroes because he believes in himself - he’s a kind person, and he wants to be a kind hero. That’s why he chose his hero name to be his given name: Shouto.

Hawks, like Shouto, was also isolated from the world. He didn't have any interaction with or exposure to heroes except for on television. His father was physically and mentally abusive, and his mother emotionally distant as a result of domestic abuse. When Endeavor, a hero Hawks had a plushie of because his mom had given it to him in secret, indirectly saved him from an abusive household by arresting his father, Hawks started believing in heroes. They were real, and he was proof people could be saved because he hadn’t even been asking for help and Endeavor did it anyway. The plushie his mom had gotten him to play with as a substitute for not being able to go outside, the one Hawks held onto for comfort when he felt sad and alone, came “alive” and saved him. 

But Hawks was still in a bad situation because his mother's mental health wasn't in the best state after years of enduring domestic abuse. Hawks’ mother Tomie learned to view Hawks as the chain between herself and the Thief Takami. She might have been stuck in a "stay together for the kid" situation, coupled with financial instability and, on Takami's part, a begrudging sense of social responsibility to help raise the kid he fathered. Tomie learned to associate Takami’s feathers with pain, and because Hawks has feathers like his father and the fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree, she says, “you’re his son, aren’t you?” 

But Hawks soon finds good in the world and good in himself when he saves people during that accident. By saving others, he has saved himself without even intending to. The commission essentially takes him away from his mother who, because to her mental instability due to years of abuse, couldn’t raise him or nurture him. After abandoning his name, Hawks held on to Endeavor as a source of inspiration. Hawks had an idol he could look up to and be like as he trained at the commission. Endeavor was an example of how to stay strong and never lose hope. After all, everyone knew it would be pointless to try and surpass All Might but Endeavor kept trying anyway, despite the impossibilities. Young Hawks admired that because he was stuck in a similar situation - he never even dared to hope his life would get better until Endeavor arrested Takami the Thief. So to this day, Hawks idolizes Endeavor the hero.

Hawks, as an outsider to the Todoroki family, doesn’t know what they have endured. He hasn’t been around Shouto much, but from what he has seen, he thinks Shouto admires Endeavor the hero the same way Hawks does. It’s not an incorrect statement, because Shouto does recognize that Endeavor the hero is great, but it’s not a correct statement either. Shouto has the ability to separate Endeavor from Enji. Shouto wants to see what Enji the father has the potential to become now that Enji wants to atone, and even that seems to be for his sister’s sake, for her dream of having a family. Even Endeavor thought the same thing until Shouto makes it clear he’s not forgiven.

But Hawks doesn’t know this. Hawks probably assumes that because Shouto accepted interning with Endeavor and looked at Endeavor in awe that Shouto’s relationship with Endeavor must be on the mend. That maybe the abuse is behind them and the family is healthier. Hawks himself would never reach out to his own father or be near him, so why would Shouto? The only logical explanation and evidence Hawks has is that maybe Endeavor was forgiven and completely different now. Hawks, like Dabi, has no way to know that Shouto is holding his father accountable for abusing Rei and used to burn with self-destructive hatred inside. Hawks has no way of knowing Natsuo’s turmoil or that Fuyumi shares the same feelings as Natsuo, that Endeavor has a long way to go earn a place in his children’s lives - if they even let him.

Hawks is clinging onto his faith in heroes because he still believes in himself, in Endeavor, and in heroes. He’s like Shouto and believes in heroes and Endeavor despite Endeavor’s actions as a father. Shouto knows Endeavor is a skilled hero, but also accepts that people have different roles and may be shitty at one and great at another. Shouto knows Endeavor’s ambition and dedication to a title for his work drove him to hurt his family. Shouto knows Endeavor did this because Endeavor’s entire identity is his hero work - it’s almost expected that he put his ambitions before his family. Endeavor is just now, after 20 years, realizing he has another identity and role he failed to accept: Enji the father and husband. Now that he’s reached his career goals and realized the view at the top wasn’t as great or fulfilling as he imagined, he’s trying to figure out what Enji the father can do for his family.  

Just like Endeavor, Hawks’ whole identity is his hero persona, and if that hero doesn’t exist anymore, then Hawks would be lost. He’d have nothing. His whole life’s meaning - saving people - would be gone, and he has no connections to any roles (son, friend, citizen) because he’s severed ties with his parents and isn’t close to anyone. He can’t go back to being Keigo because it was too painful and hopeless being Keigo. Even if the commission is turning his back on him, he’ll still be the hero Hawks, this time on his own terms. Now that he’s free of their control, he wants to help the Endeavor he always looked up to as a sign of loyalty to him and possibly a vague way of returning the favor for indirectly rescuing Keigo all those years ago.

Rei and Tomie

Both mothers reacted similarly to their domestic abuse. Both mothers learned to associate their children with their abuser based on physical inherited traits. The Todoroki siblings each have a trait of their father’s (Touya has his eye color, Fuyumi has her red in her hair, Natsuo has his thick and tall stature, Shouto’s entire left side) and Hawks inherited feathers from his father. This fear serves as a small scaled representation of the societal stigma faced by those who possess lesser favorable quirks. These mothers learned their partner’s quirks were only used to hurt them or cause damage, and society has learned that certain quirks like Toga’s blood-sucking are inherently bad and are an indicator of morality. 

Like IRL domestic abuse victims, both mothers felt hopeless and powerless in their situation. Tomie asked her partner to fix the television without investigating what was wrong with it herself first. Tomie couldn’t care for herself or her son after Takami had been arrested - she’d been told what to do for so long and relied on Takami to provide (probably because he was paranoid and possibly wouldn’t let her interact with others out of fear she’d report him to the police) that she had trouble adjusting to any other kind of lifestyle. Making decisions was a skill she hadn’t used in years. Tomie, now homeless, compared Hawks to their abuser and expected him to provide by committing crimes too, which visibly hurt her son’s feelings. Some people who experience abuse subconsciously rely on their children to step up into a sort of caretaker/parent role. This is called parentification, and it just...sort of happens. This is why it makes sense Hawks’ identity revolves around being useful and wanting to help others. He had learned from a young age that if he wasn’t helping people, he had no value.

This isn’t to cast blame or judge Tomie, but to bring awareness to a boundary issue and inadvertent role reversal some victims and their families deal with as a result of abusive households. To parallel Tomie wanting Hawks to provide for the family, Endeavor also passively let Fuyumi to step up and fill the role of her missing parents. She carried a lot of the family emotional burdens after Rei was hospitalized, takes care of the family home, visits and cares for her mother at the hospital, and looks out for her younger brothers wellbeing in every sense of the word. Fuyumi is the unifying, optimistic link between Endeavor and his family. Even Endeavor recognizes Fuyumi’s parentification, though he doesn’t call it by its name.  

Rei expressed her hopelessness when she spoke with her mother on the phone about not being able to raise her children anymore, but couldn’t come up with a solution. She couldn’t raise her children anymore - and that was it. She didn’t ask her mother for help or come up with any ideas because she felt powerless. And again, this isn’t to demonize or blame Rei, but to point out that her reaction is reflective of the challenges some abuse victims face. Some people don’t know how to get out of an abusive relationship for various complicated, valid, and life-threatening reasons, no matter what logic outsiders apply to the situation. Some mothers feel trapped, like Rei and Tomie.

Both Rei and Tomie hurt their children, either emotionally or physically. In the light novels, Natsuo reveals that Rei was emotionally distant after Shouto was born, probably out of concern for Endeavor’s likely unhealthy enthusiasm to train Shouto. She was probably protective of Shouto, and inadvertently made Natsuo feel abandoned by focusing on her youngest. Like Keigo, Natsuo felt alone despite his mother being nearby physically. And also like Keigo, Natsuo eventually realized that the situation was complicated and his parents made mistakes and had issues that didn’t reflect their feelings toward him. Natsuo realizes his mother loved him still. He realizes Shouto didn’t have it better than he did because he had his mother’s attention, and Keigo realizes that even with his father gone, his mother isn’t “fixed.” Keigo recognizes that his parents had deep flaws and the Todoroki siblings recognize their parents’ too. Rei didn’t mean to hurt Shouto maliciously; Endeavor is to blame for their mother’s mental state. 

It’s implied that Tomie has an alcohol problem from the bottles laying around the unkempt Takami home. She uses alcohol to remove herself from reality, to put distance between herself, those she perceives are hurting her, and to hide. Running away doesn’t necessarily mean that she doesn’t care about her son - emotions and people are complex and not always black and white - but that she doesn’t have the mental and emotional capacity to nurture him. She’s distancing herself from her feelings (probably fear, hopelessness, dread) and with that she’s also distancing from her son. This might have been going on for a while because Keigo doesn’t even consider going to his mother for comfort. He goes to his inanimate Endeavor plushie instead. 

It’s also important to note that Keigo realizes that his parents’ relationship is devoid of love, and he probably thinks this is the reaso why he doesn’t receive any love from them. He wasn’t born from a loving relationship. The chapter implies he just...happened because Takami was hiding out with Tomie. Now Tomie doesn’t have an identity or will outside of hiding Takami and helping him, and Takami resents Keigo for tethering him to a person he thinks is useless and is holding him back.

In their own way, both mothers tried to console their child and ease the pain caused by their fathers. Rei did this by listening to Shouto, showing him that good heroes do exist, and reassuring him that he’s not his father. She was a loving mother, as noted by young Natsuo’s jealousy toward Shouto for “taking up” his mother’s attention. Her children are eager and willing to have a relationship with her. Tomie showed love for her son by buying that discounted Endeavor plushie in an effort to make up for the fact that Takami wouldn’t let him play outside. It’s important to note that while their family’s life was seemingly sustained by the fruit of Takami’s crimes, Tomie used what limited money the family had to pay for the toy, meaning that she wanted to ease some of her son’s pain and give him a source of strength. This was all she could manage considering the state of mind she was in. While it wasn’t big, she did the best she could, and apparently it left an impact because Hawks remembers the moment clearly.

The difference between these women and their families, which also mirrors real life, is that some work toward rebuilding their relationships and some don’t. The Todoroki’s support each other, and the Takamis are distant from each other. This isn’t to judge or blame or say one way is wrong and another is right, but to explore how this decision has and will influence Hawks and the Torodokis. 

Rei has made progress in her recovery and will likely be discharged soon, if she hasn’t already been. The family continues to identify and work through issues both as a unit and individually. Shouto realizes that it’s okay to use his left side, Natsuo is holding space for his unresolved grief and calling out Endeavor, and Fuyumi is hoping to finally have a family. Together, they’ve found healing from the trauma they suffererd together. Touya being alive only adds to this family’s ability to finally be happy and whole, though the journey may be difficult and painful.

Meanwhile, the Takami’s didn’t unite to heal together. Hawks’ father went to jail, Tomie and Keigo never saw him again and don’t want to, and Tomie accepted the commission’s offer to take care of her financially if she gave up Keigo. Keigo himself became Hawks, who suspected it was his mother who leaked his background to Dabi and wasn’t surprised to find out that he was right. He’s not visibly upset about his mother leaving either, which could either be him being emotionally numb or a sign his relationship with his mother never improved. It seems like he’s holding on to the scrap of love she did give him, as seen by his flashback to her holding his hand and remembering her words to “be strong like this guy.” But now she’s gone, and like he said, his shackles are gone.

So, what does this mean? Is Hawks wrong to still believe in Endeavor? Was Tomie wrong for revealing Hawks to Dabi and then leaving without notifying Hawks first? Given these character’s complex traumas, it’s hard to say without blaming someone for how they react to their trauma. It’s hard to apply logic to thinking and feelings that have been shaped by trauma. It’s uncomfortable to sit and see people make decisions that hurt others. Sometimes there is no right and wrong, sometimes there is wrong right and right wrong, and we have to sit and watch things play out, watch people react to the world through a trauma lens. 

Sometimes there’s no answer at all. I think that’s what adds a tragic touch to Hawks, to the Todorokis, to the League - they’re all reacting to their trauma in different ways, some in socially acceptable ways (Natsuo, Shouto) and some not (Dabi), and there’s no clear cut answer without passing judgment or telling someone how to react to their trauma. How does someone rewire their brain’s neuropathways from the ones formed by trauma to healthier ones, especially without professional help or even self-awareness.

It’s hard to watch all these characters suffer, especially when it hits so close to home for some of us. Let’s see what the next chapters bring! We’re not seeing the big picture just yet, and there is always time for epiphanies, breakthroughs, and change of hearts and minds.

[greatearthquakestudent]

My top 25 Grey’s Anatomy characters

 Deserves Better

25. Teddy Altman/Desert Storm Barbie: The Desert Storm Barbie made mistakes but everyone has. Her life just been a desert storm of bad decisions and guilt/regrets.

24. Nico Kim/Ortho Hunk: The Ortho Hunk seem to have the same situation as the last one. He’s a sweet boy, who probably didn’t have the best past.  Deserves the man who truly loves him. 

Really Like

23. Nathan Rigg/2nd Derek: 2nd Derek had his soulmate in Owen’s sister but he and Mer were solid and friendship with April and Maggie are also solid.

22. Derek Shepherd/McDreamy: McDreamy maybe a manic sometimes but he’s actually good really guy.

21. Maggie Pierce/The Good Sister: The good sister of Meredith maybe annoying and nosy but she’s a decent human being.

20. Carina Deluca/She-luca: She-luca care about everyone, her brother, her girlfriends/boyfriends, friends, and follow lgbts, co-worker, and even patients.

19. Andrew Deluca/The Hero: The Hero saved many innocent lives from sex-traffickers.

18. Stephanie Edwards/Swap Monkey: Swap Monkey is an extraordinary surgeon who deserves more appreciation.

17.Ben Warren/Mr. Gas Man: Mr. Gas Man maybe reckless but he also honorable to mankind.

16. Levi Schmitt/Glasses: Glasses grew from bumbling incompetent intern to very good and competent surgeon

15. Jo Wilson/Hobo Jo: Hobo Jo maybe whiny and annoying at time but she worked her way up from a homeless kid to a domestic abuse survivor to a brilliant surgeon

14. Atticus “Link” Lincoln/Ortho God: Ortho God is very sweet and kind

13. Amelia Shepherd/Dr. Shepherdess: Dr. Shepherdess work redeemed herself from a irresponsible junkie to a responsible surgeon. 

12. April Kepner/ The Soldier: The Soldier grew from a whiny, pathetic Mercy West resident to a Badass Trauma Goddess

Love/Favorites 

11. George O’Malley/007: 007 maybe pathetic but he’s maybe one of the greatest surgeon of all,

10. Addison Montgomery/Satan: Satan doesn't deserve her nickname because she eventually shows that she’s an angel.

9.  Callie Torres/ Ortho Goddess: Ortho Goddess maybe selfish and dramatic at times but most of the time she has a very good heart.

8. Arizona Robbins/The Good Man in a Storm: The Good Man in a Storm may have cheated on her wife but that's the only mistake she has made and she's usually a sweet and kind person.

7. Meredith Grey/Death: Death has dealt with many problem of her many years of life but she somehow comes bright and shiny.

6. Richard Webber/The Chief: The Chief is a kindhearted man who’s a father to everyone. 

5. Miranda Bailey/The Nazi: Her alias maybe the Nazi but she’s more of a motherly saint.

4. Lexie Grey/Little Grey: Little Grey maybe a little annoying and very territorial but is a good person, and when it comes to being a good sister she maybe on level the same level or higher than Mer’s other sister.

3. Mark Sloan/McSteamy: McSteamy grows from just a slutty dirty mistress to kindhearted father, friend, doctor, and love interest.

2. Alex Karev/Dr. Evil Spawn: Evil Spawn was Evil in the beginning but now(before he left Jo for Izzie) he’s more of an Angel Spawn than his annoying ass brother.

1. Cristina Yang/Twisted Sister: Mer’s Sister like friend was grown from coldhearted and rude intern to compassionate. fairly warmhearted, good Chief of Cardio/Teacher.