#because of the way it's so minimal
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P.T. Adamczyk - Force Projection
Cyberpunk 2077: Phantom Liberty OST
#i love this track#smart vidya game composing#because of the way it's so minimal#but in combat it sounds 100% richer and more energetic#perfect for purpose#p.t. adamczyk#cyberpunk 2077#phantom liberty
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does anyone have like an anti aesthetic. like something you look at and can recognize as a complete fashion/interior design/artistic movement and understand it but it makes you shudder seeing it. i am not talking like “its morally bad” “its poorly structured” like just sheerly devoid of joy for you actually invites a repulse response.
#also if it wasnt clear this isnt ‘its bad its lazy’ there is a level of like#completion consistancy i am thinking for with this#personally i really do not enjoy the like. vintage chic long red nails fur coats noir esque aesthetic HOWEVER 💥💥💥#i can recognize that it is put together it is Intentional#i feel like a lot of people are going to say minimalism on this so LET ME SAY ��☝️ i recognize that minimalism is Considered an aesthetic#but i *PERSONALLY* do not consider it an aesthetic i consider it the void of one#it is a lapse in aesthetic or personality in the same way a silence in a song is still technically a ‘beat’ but no music is played#however the importance of Space or Breath in design is more akin to a purposeful silence in music#because that silence matters in the same way rhythm and breath in design do#so i guess minimalism is more comparable to like. white noise. the sound of a fan#very little effort and there is a comfort in it i suppose but its not. A Design. okay#TO ME 🤫#if minimalism has one hater its me if minimalism has no haters im dead
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this is the dynamic they have going on in my head.
#box art#dead by daylight#dbd#mikaela reid#sable ward#the unknown#dbd unknown#dbd the unknown#ive never drawn sable or mikaela and i did it with minimal reference so they might look a little wack lol#brought to you by 'I cant help it but let sables go as unknown and if there's a sable and mikaela i have to let them both go'#i have this thing. where i tend to let go whatever survivor is the killer im playing's counterpart#but its been happening WAY more as unknown because sables try to befriend me so much??#at least every other round against a sable one of them will try to get me to be friendly with them. and i just cant say no.
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tired: fox has never done anything wrong in his life he was under control of the chip he didn't mean to kill fives he would never do that
wired: fox was being deliberately, continuously manipulated by palpatine into doing anything he wanted under threat of severe bodily harm, no chip necessary
inspired: fox is a product of brainwashing and genuinely believes in the senate and the republic, which is in constant conflict with the rhetoric he hears from politicians and his general dislike of senators, but that conflict is ultimately irrelevant. he believes in the institution with his entire self. he was born to die for this system and would lose his shit if he started questioning it in any meaningful way. The Institution told him to kill fives so he killed fives, it told him to hunt down ahsoka so he did it, etc etc. conviction that this is all worth it because the republic Can Only Be Right (or else his entire existence and everything the guard puts up with are meaningless) is what gets his ass out of bed in the morning. he'll do terrible things to protect it, and by extension his sense of self, and he won't apologize for it because it's categorically Right in his brain. none of this changes the fact that he's routinely abused by this system, or the fact that he's enslaved by it, or that he has no real choice in anything, only how he personally reconciles it all
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#none of this makes him a cop either so jot that down#it makes him a victim of lifelong conditioning and it makes him delusional but it Does Not make him a villain#seen some RANCID fox takes on this site recently#how precisely the fuck do you get from fox is a member of a security force composed of slaves with minimal autonomy and no choice in their#post to fox is a cop complicit in palpatines plans and therefore a dirtbag because he [checks palm] killed your blorbo#be mad at him sure but the implication that he has all this power by nature of being in the guard is wild 💀#i just don't think chips would be necessary after 10 years of The Republic Is The Only Way being drilled into the clones' brains. not for t#e day in day out of the war#and especially not for the clones who get that lesson most frequently reinforced#ANYWAY.#commander fox#foxposting#fox isn't a dirtbag for doing his job he's a dirtbag because he's an asshole 👍#hmmmm it's almost like the more scifi bullshit like control chips is stripped away the more sw becomes a legitimate social commentary about#control and autonomy and government and systemic oppression#the boys can be dehumanized and manipulated by the existing framework without being mind controlled 🥴#idk where i was going with this but here we are
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you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.
you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.
instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.
you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.
your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.
because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.
so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.
all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.
#spilled ink#woke up at 530 to write this lmafo#me in a cold sweat:#how do i be normal#edit in the tags:#hey so i've seen y'all talk about like ... wondering if ur ''allowed'' to relate#like if this is about X specific diagnosis#and when i first posted it i really almost labelled it ''please don't assume this is about a specific condition''#because as an artist i am often walking this line of discussing a symptom or discussing my conditions etc#and sometimes yes ! i do want to talk about an experience that is specific to who i am and my condition#but sometimes the effort of the post is about the EXPERIENCE rather than the diagnosis#because yes i am not neurotypical and as a result that influences my work but it is ALSO true that there are many reasons#why someone might experience this particular vague horrible feeling that you are... almost being CHASED by what you ''really'' are.#that you're outrunning your symptoms... that you're not really normal you're just sort of a mockery of a person#.... that's a really isolating and horrible way to feel no matter why you are feeling it. and the nature of this PARTICULAR post is that#it is inherently talking ABOUT that sense of isolation & of feeling not-deserving & of minimizing your own experiences to make urself#palatable for society in a way that others find easy-to-deal-with....#this post is about a certain experience such that my impression is there's a higher likelihood that those who relate#would have more difficulty thinking they ''deserve'' to relate - that it doesn't REALLY belong to them#bc often we are the kind of people who are SO used to being alienated and set aside and ''different'' that we AUTOMATICALLY assume#that things are not ''for'' us... they never have been why would it start now#we are the kinds of people to be ... ''too normal for X diagnosis but too symptomatic to be normal''#[or as this post points out... so good at ''coping''/masking/hiding it that we essentially conform to whatever shape we're poured into]#but i have witnessed others already say in the tags ''thought this was about me but it's about X so it can't be''#and im like ... of course it was about you.#art is not a resource that is diminished by greater appreciation .#you reflect in whatever mirror fits your frame. not just the ones in your bedroom. not just the ones i specifically give you.#there will be - and often are - times that i will talk about my specific conditions... but if you're reading this#regardless of why you're here... we are here together. holding hands through space and time. and i love you for carrying it#and i know you're exhausted. i am too. but i understand. and i see you.
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oc time again! + her town & culture (heavily inspired by pre-roman italic populations)
she is suri sauthon. her story is linked to my swtor imperial agent, tar'x, but most of her life except for the one year away where she meets him, is spent in a town in the mountains of mirial.
despite mirial being cold and desert, and many cities developing underground, her town flourishes thanks to a force nexus, venerated in the form of an ancient, sacred, alive crystal. the ecosystem of that mountain depended on what "the horned crystal" was capable of giving them, but mirialans couldn't live off of that alone, so they developed trade and some rudimental technology, even if oftentimes it was bought thanks to the highly profitable trade of a plant used to make medicines that slowed down aging and had overall healing properties.
note: everything that's generated by this nexus has these healing properties BUT they have to be processed, except for those who bathed in the waters of the cavity under the crystal - the "real" nexus, but not the worshipped one. the waters were sacred but they were not thought to be miraculous, unlike the crystal, who instead was thought of as the keystone of the ecosystem: without it, everything would fall apart (and that is partially true: the cavity was the "real" nexus but thanks to the crystal, also strong in the force, the properties were spread all over the mountains). those who bathed in the cavity's waters - so, all of the town, who had a sort of baptism there - could eat the plant, make whatever food with it, and not only that plant, but everything generated by the nexus, that, again, had similar properties. this allowed people to live up to normal life-spans without advanced medicines or, much, really. to those who didn't live there, though, after the processing, had incredible effects, slowing down aging - for those who took it regularly - and making people able to live up to half a century more than the average]
originally, there were four tribes of nomads that lived thanks to horned farm animals that decided to settle down into one bigger town and other smaller settlements, to live off of transhumance. this division of the tribes stayed into the political and social organization: every person belonged to one tribe specifically, and had slightly different rituals and culture. for examples, each tribe had their own priests and healers, with different techniques and traditions. the town, tho, was guided by a group of people in the high priesthood, a position you could reach only by having earned the trust of all tribes. those high priests had many roles: they guided the people into sacred processions common to all the tribes, they managed the trading with outsiders, they did the maintenance of the temple of the summit (the one that functioned as casket to the crystal) and created a special liquid to offer the crystal that helps it grow.
this particular temple was important because 1. it was very visible, from every angle of the town, and it became an important identity symbol; 2. it stored the venerated horned crystal; 3. it had the altar where sacrifices were made for the crystals. that altar had a hole connected to the cavity, that allowed the liquids to reach the underground; 4. it had various symbols: statues representing each tribe + the high priesthood, and typical mirialan tattoos carved into the wood of the trees that served as columns for the temple, symbolizing 8 values that who dared to enter HAD to have; 5. it was on the way to an important lake (called "mother lake" because the lake the town was built around to depended on the waters of that other lake) where they traveled to in important processions; 6. it was said that a the wizard who unified the tribes made it with its magic, making the plant grow to hold the temple's roof. this wizard was, actually, a force user, obv.
BACK TO HER THOUGH: she's daughter of one of the high priests, who was in charge of managing the trades with outsiders, and lives in a house on the mountains with her mother and him. her parents are from different tribes (that's one of the things that earned him trust from the 4 tribes): when a child is born from two different tribes, they don't pick one to allign to, but they're usually linked automatically to the one with more relatives in it (in her case, the father's tribe: she had many uncles and aunts on his side while her mom only had one sister).
later, though, she got quite tied to her mother's tribe due to a mysterious illness that only her mother's tribe healer was able to cure. she spent 4 years (from 10 to 14 years old) living with the healer and learned her secrets. to better study, she wrote them down. when she returned home, she studied to become a priestess with her father. at 22 (the average age: you can't become priest before your 20s), she was supposed to take a test and become a priestess, but the healer of her mother's tribe died and the tribe asked her to take her place. she couldn't technically do that, but both tribes estimated both her and her parents and she was allowed to become both. she then decided to try to become a high priestess, and became one at 25 (a quite young age). being part of the council, she tried to convince the various tribe healers to unite their knowledges and write them down, and eventually made it. healers still remained tribe based but they now had an "upper, inter-tribe level" similar to high priesthood.
years later, the sacred horned crystal is stolen from the temple by some Hutt mercenaries looking for a profit. given the trust she has earned from all the tribes and the fact that her father is the high priest that deals with outsiders (and she's been hearing stories and advice about it since she was little), she is the one tasked with getting it back. without the growing crystal, the keystone to their ecosystem, the village would have lasted only a few years. in hrr quest, she meets imperial intelligence agent tar'x laran and, as they "solve the mystery" and fight to have it back, they get closer. they'll get married and have a daughter, Vegoia (who's the only one who actually will get to the plot of my story. this was all background)
#i overdeveloped this part of the background. IT'S QUITE LITERALLY USELESS. like. Vegoia will have so few memories of it (she'll become jedi)#i will make a post about her too when I'll finish designing her and outlining her story BUT that may be difficult cuz the frame for the mai#story is quite difficult to match with how developed the other stories are getting and i have to figure it Much Stuff yet#so I'm using these post to like. fix a certain part lf the lore because even my own notes are getting older and messy. better to start over#ANYWAY for those curious & who are still reading (if u exist. WTF THANK U!!); my main story is actually a research file in the jedi archive#BASICALLY i was trying to write my own story for years but then i watched a video (tcw doesn't hold up by sheev talks i think) and i finall#understood how to frame all of these stories together in a way that i feel can add to the star wars lore (because. the others were just#like. okay but who cares unless me? and i did want to have a cool frame that maybe some nerd would be interested in looking into)#so: when ahsoka anakin and obi return from mortis; they tell the council about it (yoda knows about it in s6). sheev talks complained that#it was incredibly full of stuff that was done so poorly it could ruin a big part of the original sw story itself and it was never brought u#again. and honestly i agree. SO my story is about a jedi that is tasked with research on the celestials & by having him figure out stuff i#can minimize/limit/reframe some of the controversial things in there (i love mortis arc so bad but i also agree with his critic. I'll Fix™)#so. many stories will be about people who have previously seen the celestials or have been to mortis one way or another (pre-tcw obv) & hav#had experience & knowledge that the researcher is looking for. so i get to have an anthology with many stories#and have a cool frame I'm intrested in developing + i can experiment with different storytelling styles depending on how he finds out stuff#+ there was another sw story with a similar frame i think? so if i decide to write the story as if it was the file itself and not the searc#i can have even a REFERENCE of what a file like that is supposed to be. LIKE. IT ALL FITS!!!#sw#star wars#swtor#the old republic#star wars oc#imperial agent#star wars fanart#mirialan oc#mirialan#star wars story#star wars the old republic#oc: suri sauthon
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Being invited to a 2000s party as a plus size woman
[Clown music]
#fatphobia#tw fatphobia#this is exactly why i cannot take the 2000 fashion revival.#you weren't there#it would simply destroy your mind to be fat in the 2000s.#'oh but what's the problem?? you can be fat and wear now rise jeans!' yes! NOW you can!#because being fat in 2024 is simply not an issue anymore!#'of course it is' yes to your old aunt it is. to your mom maybe it is sure and to some obscure tiktok user too sure it is#but not in the BIG SCENARIO. it is UGLY to call someone fat in a pejorative way nowadays#it's NOT EDUCATED. it's UGLY.#IT WASN'T THAT UGLY 20 YEARS AGO!#it was NORMAL to call a girl with minimal fat in her body a 'fat pig' in the 2000s. it could count as bullying but#as soon as you would reach out for an adult they would stare at you and say 'well maybe if you lose some weight they wouldn't say that#and it was a PARADOX to live as a chubby girl in that era because you would be FORCED to wear low rise jeans#that was the only kind available. and waist length was for oldies#and if you had to wear that then you had to be thin because if not your belly would be showing! and girl#you would wish you were INVISIBLE#tw 2000s#<- this one is for me#nonsims#non sims#so no i will never get the 2000s revival. because it will never be a revival without the inherent fatphobia#if you're fat and youre comfortable with 2000 fashion im very happy for you#because either you were born after 2005 or you are VERY strong and i envy your mind
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This new lineup is already looking so gorgeous!! :D
:D Thank you! While I'm still trying to get over being shy sharing the living's line up right now, you can have a V.2 of the mime's line up since I colored them in:
#i say v2 because subject to be tweaked more#idk why im so shy about sharing characters with minimal clothes on#like they aren't indecent. nothing is risqué#im just like ahhhg you can see their nipples...... and their knees..... oh jeez.#also might have something to do about anatomy. always uncertain my anatomy is weird#just because the way i draw is already cartoony its hard to find a good balance between realism and not#okay ramble over#brambleramble
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Lokiceratops fighting off a flock of Dromaeosaurs
really happy with how this one turned out
#paleoart#lokiceratops#dromaeosaurs#ceratopsian#theropod#dinosaur#dragon draws creatures#i was really proud of the lineart which lead me to want to make this drawing really good so i spent way more time rendering than normal#theres minimal use of brushes for cheezing scales a lot are hand drawn#all this for a dinosaur that is debatable if its even a seperate species from medusaceratops#fun fact while everyone else is drawing their lokiceratops green mine has purple and gold patterns#yes that is a refrence to loki fire emblem because im not like other girls and i thought it would look cool#also i finished this like a week ago and been forgetting to post it but it felt too good to label as “today in art i forgor to post”
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I love my character in The Golden Rose so much. His stat screen is basically like
#the golden rose#he's a sweet anxious marshmallow with minimal combat skills who mostly talks his way out of trouble#which makes it extra-hilarious#babble tea (blacklist this for less chatter)#also this game has managed to join the like. four things Ever. where I've liked a human fighter dude LI.#Hadrian is just Very Good#I did have to play his romance on a dude so he didn't start with a clear crush because otherwise the aro Nope fired#but playing a dude makes it opt-in and thus avoids that and now I'm happy as a pig in mud about it#anyway yes this is a game rec
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I think it's only natural to feel anger when somebody isn't "taking your advice" or listening to you about their mental health or what will help them. People want to help people, and the anger comes when you are perceiving somebody as not being receptive but...
It can be a selfish impulse to say that your opinion about their illness is the only thing they need. It isn't about you, even though the advice you give is given by you.
Nobody deserves to suffer, this is true. But, also, nobody deserves to be forced to do things that either won't help or won't be genuine. If somebody isn't taking your advice, there's a reason for it (maybe it's not a good enough reason for you, but this isn't the point). It's okay to be disappointed or angry, but it's not going to help to lash out at them. That is only pouring water onto a grease fire.
#mental health#mental health advocacy#sometimes you DO need to freefall without a parachute. sometimes the 'just get better! ☺️' mindset that's given to us will slowly kill us#the whole 'if you take my advice you'll be free from your illness 😇' saviour complex is honestly something that would have killed me#because it wasn't coming from a place of genuinely helpfulness or what would work for *me*...#...those pieces of advice came from the mindset of how to make everybody else comfortable...#...because it minimized the fact that i was (am) fucking insane and unwell and ill and debilitated...#...the advice came across as sinister because it wasn't about me despite addressing my insanity. it was ABOUT everybody else#and i just got done watching a heartbreaking video about somebody else's decline and i don't want them to suffer...#...but i also don't want to be the cause OF their suffering. my advice for them would be unhelpful i think...#...so i am still heartbroken and sad and maybe angry but that... isn't their fault. they are SUFFERING and VISIBLY so...#...i want their suffering to end in any way that will actually help *them* and not my ego y'know...
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various spencer stickers/transparent pngs from made from editing and transparentifying askblog drawings
#sorry for the lack of new art! im working on school lately >.<#in the meantime have these and do as you wish with them#well. idk dont use my art for anything . morally reprehensible#but i think i can trust you guys... right?#btw most of these were edited minimally but you might notice the bottom middle one looks a lot different from the original image#because i hated the way it looked but really liked the idea of the expression and pose with spencer. works well as a sticker#so i gave it another try and changed some stuff on his face#if you're curious i'll spare you the spot the difference game. i slimmed his face shape and redrew the eyebrows. and gave him a normal mout#instead of kitty#also i know the fullbody one look weird the way tumblr crops it theres just no escaping that.#i either post it next to a shorter image or i post it in its own row and it makes the post really long and awkward like that one stingy pos#anyways.#venturiantale#taleblr#spencer acachalla#images that are horrid to see and look at#mspaint#venturiantale fanart#fanart
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My take on Shishido's beta design as described by Yokoyama in the behind-the-scenes video from last week!
#yakuza#like a dragon#like a dragon gaiden#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#kosei shishido#shishido kosei#my art#original#emphasis on My Take because yokoyama was gesturing more than verbally describing what it looked like but#from what i can tell it had raglan sleeves like this which ended at the elbows#the idea was scrapped because Who The Fuck Would Make A Puffer Like This#but it lives on in my heart o7#also the jacket was almost certainly on a children's jacket in versace's barocco line so i wanted to keep the vibe#he's not actually supposed to be zipped-up because yokoyama and mb talk about his necklace at length BUT:#1. you can see the raglan much more clearly this way#2. yokoyama emphasized how bunched-up and bulky the old jacket was#3. ehh to put it simply shishido himself is a trigger for me at this point so i needed to minimize how much i studied his face#whenever i finish this i'll probably add his bracelet because there was a lot of discussion about the material of his jewelry#all of that aside. i'm happy this was my final piece of the year :) happy new year everyone
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What do you think would have happened if (somehow, idk how but somehow) Machete rose to the rank of pope?
To be perfectly honest? I think most realistically he would've ruled maybe six months at best and then keeled over from stress and exhaustion.
#seriously he wouldn't want to be the pope papacy is for chumps but if he had to#he would've kicked out so many cardinals#his former colleagues riddled with corruption nepotism incompetence and moral decay#it would've upsetted so many elite families but what are they gonna do#pope's power is absolute he could totally do that#just excommunicate the whole lot#do something to get Holy See's finances in order he's been crunching numbers they aren't looking good#build sturdier foreign relations probably he's a diplomat I think he'd likely be extremely done with superfluous wars and useless bickering#maybe commission some extravagant artworks art is nice he knows to appreciate beauty when he sees it#become the senselessly rich patron to a handful of top notch artists although I think he already does that in canon timeline#I'm not sure how he'd handle the ongoing counter-reformation I guess it depends whether this was before or after the inquisition times#minimal public appearances because lord that's way too many people too many eyes being a figurehead is not his strongest suit#develop stomach ulcers get sepsis#historically it's actually not very uncommon for popes to expire relatively quickly after they're elected#they don't even have to be particularly old stuff's just tiring they get frazzled out#answered#anonymous#Machete
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I love the way that, in addition to his origin story with his over-sized sword and the scar on his nose, the flashbacks to Guts's childhood show how much of his insane work ethic and reckless self-endangering abandonment in battle were all kinda ingrained into him by his craving for attention and approval from shitty father figure, Gambino.
Random nice mercenary guy: "Don't overexert yourself, kid. Just do what's needed. 'Cause if you die, you lose everything."
Gambino: "It's your first battle. Work hard!"
Guts: [throws himself into battle so hard he nearly dies multiple times, fixating on pleasing Gambino the entire time]
Gambino: "C'mon, hurry up! Work! Work!"
Guts: [gives Gambino his entire earnings, Gambino tosses him back a single coin]
Guts: [more motivated by this one mild bit of encouragement than anything he's ever experienced before in his life]
#it's difficult to post berserk meta because i feel like the manga is often so well-written and well put together#that every panel is important and it's hard to leave anything out - and i'll end up just reposting the entire chapter instead#like this is leaving out all the stuff before that leading up to this moment#where gambino is either neglectful or cruel to guts almost all the time - giving him the scar on his nose in a rage#yet also now and then tossing him a bone like giving him medicine for his wounds - and as minimal as that 'kindness' is#it's the only caring attention guts actually ever receives and he's so starved for it that it keeps him striving to earn more :(#and how the other members of the band don't like how gambino treats guts yet also do not step up to raise him themselves either#and whisper together about their resentment of him at night when he's left alone to fend for himself#AND then i am also leaving out the bits after that where gambino immediately goes and does the worst thing possible to guts too...#renting him to donavan... yet another awful formative experience for the kid#just constantly reinforcing to guts that he's got nobody but himself and his sword for his sense of protection and value and purpose#but showing that those tiny scraps of kindness and praise were basically keeping him alive and what he really wanted underneath too#it's just extremely well-done and so good at showing exactly why guts is the way that he is later on#and why when griffith started paying attention to him and valuing him as a person#in addition to putting him to work in the ways he was most familiar and comfortable with - it was basically like crack for him as well#berserk#berserk spoilers#p
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Honestly I'm kinda hoping season 3 reveals Lestat tried to get the audience to say banishment during Claudia's sentencing too but couldn't manage it for whatever reason.
I would like that but I think it might be too much Lestat exoneration. as I say this I know I would cry so hard and enjoy it so much if they went there. My current guess is that Lestat was extremely peeved about both the attempted murder and the decades of estrangement so he did a little doublethink where he was both planning on saving her if he got the chance and sulking to himself about how if he didn't get the chance it was her fault for not listening and she wanted him dead anyway so why should he go to all this trouble when she'd never loved him and she's an adult now anyway she's perfectly ferocious in her own right if she can take him down how could she need him? she doesn't even want him. she hates him. Then he got abruptly smacked in the face by the fact that she's still his kid and she's looking to him for help and he's not helping. like I think he was trying for an out where everybody lived but at the end of the day saving Louis was his priority, and I don't think he fully processed that she was going to die for real until it happened. however with this show who knows! Season three needs to be here now.
#i think lestat minimizes his claudia feelings in a self protective way#initially because he thinks she won't make it as a vampire#and then as a response to her rejection. like he doesn't have the capacity to be the adult when she's a literal child who is mad at him let#alone when she's a grown woman who rightfully hates him#there's an element of 'you don't care about me? fine. i care about you less'#which lmao again is a terrible way to approach a teenager you're parenting#but i think at the end something kind of clicks and he's like shit that's my baby which is followed by the sickening remorse and shame#of having failed her so comprehensively#press says iwtv#interview with the vampire
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