#because of the lack of content instead of simple motives

[jumioxox]

drdttober day four - regret

[aeyumicore]

heart within reach

━ .ᐟ✧ PAIRING: zayne x female reader (afab)

━ ✧.˖ GENRE: smut, porn with some plot, porn with feelings

━ .ᐟ✧ WORD COUNT: 5.6k

━ ✧.˖ WARNINGS: mdni, explicit sexual content, car sex, road head, fingering, messyyyy cum smearing, slight degradation (just one line), finger sucking, somewhat public/voyeurism?

━ .ᐟ✧ LINKS: video | ao3

━ ✧.˖ A/N: HELLO FRIENDS i am back with my twist on the new ‘heart within reach’ memory with zayne :) 

i’ll likely be releasing fics at a FAR slower pace now, as i find myself lacking motivation lately and wanting to do other things instead of write. i don’t plan on quitting at all! just will be slower <3 but i’m always checking tumblr and twitter (@/aeyumicore) if you want to interact with me!

THIS IS MY ONLY ACCOUNT. I WILL NEVER POST MY FICS ON OTHER TUMBLR BLOGS. I WILL ONLY POST ON THIS ACCOUNT AND ON AO3.

✦ . ˖ ✧ .ᐟ ˖ nsfw | minors dni | 18+ only | minors dni | nsfw ✦ . ˖ ✧ .ᐟ ˖

You hummed to the low volume of the music thrumming in Zayne’s car, the two of you sitting in his audi in front of your apartment building. You didn’t want this perfect day with Zayne to end, a day spent together with no emergent surgeries, no threat of wanderers, just you and Zayne enjoying the fair and the sunset.

"Thank you for hanging out with me today,” you smile softly at him, unwilling to get out of the car just yet.

"You’re welcome,” his hand still rests on the steering wheel as he peers at your apartment through the front dash, "Let me know when you’re inside.”

You sigh internally, not at all surprised at Zayne’s dismissive words. "Okay,” is all you say as you turn to open the passenger door. But before you do, you decide to glance at him again. He doesn’t make a single sound as his head hangs low, his hand still gripping the steering wheel.

You sigh, trying your best to bury your neediness. You didn’t want the night to end yet; it was rare Zayne got full days like today off…or nights. Nights where Zayne would literally make you forget your own name, only knowing how to chant his name over and over. 

"Don’t forget mr. Seal,” Zayne murmurs, snapping you out of your desperate and filthy thoughts of him.

"You don’t want to keep him?”

"He won’t like my house. It’s too monochrome and…simple.” He twists his body to reach for the seal plushie he’d won for you at the fair. You suppress a giggle when instead of grabbing the toy, he speaks to it. 

"Hello.” You want to tease him for his stoicness even when speaking to an adorable plushie. 

"You’re scaring him, dr. Zayne!” You burst out laughing, and Zayne joins in, the sound of his deep chuckle burrowing deep into your brain and making your heart flutter. It wasn’t often Zayne smiled or laughed, he preferred to smile with his eyes. But when he did laugh, it was the most precious sound you’d ever heard.

"I have nothing else to say.” You can’t tell if he means nothing to say to the plushie or to you. 

"Yeah…see you later?” You say softly. You want to kick yourself for your own unyielding stubbornness, wanting him to show you that he might want to spend more time with you too, that he might want to spend the night with you. It would be much easier if you could just swallow your pride and ask him to come in. 

But Zayne speaks again before you can even move. His voice is exceptionally low, so much so that your breath hitches, "I was wondering...If I had forgotten something. And if you were upset because of it.” You grin a little, your disappointment fading little by little, knowing he’s teasing you now. Knowing he’s fully aware of what you want from him, and that he wants to give it to you. But he wants to make you work a little for it.

"Do you remember what you’ve forgotten?” You quip, unwilling to be the one to give in.

"I’m not sure…” his voice is throaty with what you hope is desire, but you stay steadfast in your resolve, unwilling to be the one to admit that you don’t want to leave yet. So you lean in, close enough that Zayne can feel your warm breath fan across his face. He does his best to hide the way his breath catches in his throat at just how close you were. 

"Look Zayne,” you say brightly, doing your best to keep your voice from wavering at your proximity to the man you adored with your entire heart. 

"What?” Comes his curt response, but you can see the way his eyes sparkle with amusement. 

"Me!” 

Zayne chuckles, his smile reaching his green eyes, "I know what you look like.” He reaches to stroke your face, playing with the strands of hair that fall into your eyes. You force yourself to keep your eyes on his, and to not let them fall to his lips, that you want on yours so badly. He speaks again, this time his low voice is almost sad and reminiscent, "After this I wont be able to see you for quite some time.”

His hand grabs your chin this time, tilting it upwards so that you’re more level with him. You so desperately want him to pull your face to his, capturing your lips that he does so knee buckling well, "Since we’re both very busy we should meet up whenever we can.” He’s very careful with his words, but you can feel the longing in his tone. He will miss you as much, if not more, than how much you will miss him. 

"What are you thinking about? You’re smiling.” His fingers still grip your chin, gently but demandingly, not letting you look anywhere but at him. You don’t answer, but your smile widens as you look at his amused deep eyes. You have a feeling he knows exactly what you’re thinking of.

"Well...I think I might be very close to the answer,” he murmurs, eyes flitting downward to your lips. Your heart skips a beat as you catch him staring at your mouth, wanting nothing more than for him to kiss you. You steel yourself, trying to calm your pounding heartbeat, intent on dishing back all of Zayne’s feigned cluelessness. 

You poke his cheek and your voice comes out playfully, "Will you dream of me tonight Zayne?”

He chuckles, his hand darting up to touch where your finger grazed, hoping you don’t notice the way his cheeks flush at the slightest touch, “…we did visit a lot of places and I am tired. However it seems unlikely.”

You roll your eyes at the game the two of you were playing and you refused to be the one to give in. You poke his cheek again, pouting, "Then I won't dream either.”

Zayne catches your hand, still trying to poke his cheek, clenching it softly in his hand and bringing your joined palms down to rest on the center console of his luxurious car. His fingers are cold around yours, but you feel them slowly warm up as they hug onto yours. 

When he doesn’t release you from his hold, you peer at him curiously and cocking your head to the side, "Why are you still holding my hand, dr. Zayne?”

He smirks, thumb rubbing circles onto your wrist, "I’ve only confiscated it. I’ll return it when you decide to behave.” You bite back a shiver at his words, your resolve dissolving little by little. You clench your thighs at the look he gives you, your body always reacting readily to his double meaning laced words and heated expressions of desire. 

He leans in, bringing his free hand up to your cheek, cupping it gently. His other hand still holds yours, "Alright, it's getting late. You should go home.” Despite his words, you can sense the hesitation in his voice. But still, you turn to leave. 

“...yeah, bye,” you murmur. But Zayne’s grasp on your wrist tightens, pulling you back. 

"When would we be able to meet up again?” His voice is hopeful, adorably so. Zayne brings his phone to his face, the screen lighting up his face in the dim darkness of his car, twinkling like the lights outside. 

"Let me guess, your schedule is packed?”

Zayne ignores your quip, "Next week, sunday.” It’s not a question, he’s telling you. The charge in his voice, the demand, the demand to see you. It makes your skin crawl with anticipation. 

"If we’re seeing each other sunday, then ill start getting ready on saturday,” you beam at him, already giddy with excitement. Zayne lowers his phone to stare at you.

"Anyway…” you lean in to touch his face but pull away just as your fingers are about to caress his cheek, "Good night.” You’re about to whip your head around to get out of his car but Zayne captures your chin and leans into you. Your incessant teasing has backfired, as you find yourself caught like a prey in Zayne’s hungry stare. You gulp as his eyes flutter to your lips, and yours to his. 

"If I'm able to see you sunday, I'll start getting excited thursday,” Zayne’s voice is deep and husky, and he leans in to take your lips into his. You can’t suppress the moan that escapes your mouth as his soft and cold lips press into you. He smiles against you, sensually caressing every part of you against his tongue and pulling you impossibly closer with his fingers on your chin. 

He kisses you deliberately, taking it impossibly slow. You can vaguely hear him chuckle into you through the pounding in your ears as your tongue begs him for entry into his mouth. He grants it willingly, and your tongues clash deliciously, leaving you whimpering as your panties dampen at just the feel of his mouth on yours.

You whine when Zayne pulls away, to which he chuckles, fingers stroking your chin soothingly. 

You speak up and glance at him, his lips alone dissolving all of your stubborn determination, "Wh-why should we wait until sunday? I...I don’t want to go yet.”

The content smirk that graces his face makes you blush, "Where do you suppose we go?”

"Why don’t we take mr. Seal to your place? I want you to keep him. So he can see his new home, and we can all watch a movie!” Zayne smiles warmly at your giddiness, absolutely in love with the way you light up at the thought of spending more time with him. 

"Are you sure?” He murmurs softly, almost having to force himself to say the words and fight how much he would love to bring you back to his place and spend every second with you. "You’re not too tired?”

You bite your lip, trying to tamp down your blinding grin and furious blush, "Take me to your place Zayne.”

Zayne wastes no time in peeling out of the street, but leaves his hand on your thigh as he drives with just his left hand. You peek at him through the corner of your eye, admiring how his sharp and defined jaw connects to his bobbing neck, the muscles so defined under the faint night lights. His fingers slowly inch their way under your skirt, rubbing circles into your bare thighs. You pray Zayne doesn’t notice the way your thighs press closer together at his touch. 

His grip on the fat of your thighs only tighten, using his fingernails to torturously graze inexplicable shapes into your tingling skin. Through the edges of your vision, you can briefly make out his satisfied smile.

Of course he’s purposely trying to torture you. Well two can definitely play that game.

You lean over the center console, looping your arms around his free arm, laying your head into his bicep and intertwining your fingers with his. You can feel his muscles stiffen for a second before they relax under your embrace, his fingers tightening with yours.

"Is it okay that I'm coming over?” You murmur into his clothed muscular arm, kissing against the smooth fabric up to his shoulder. 

His voice comes out in a grunt, one that makes you smile to yourself as you squeeze his taut muscles. He clears his throat, "Yes. Why wouldn’t it be?”

Your hand moves to rest against his thigh, "You don’t invite me over very often.”

"Do you want to come over more often?”

Your fingers dig into his thigh, just barely but enough that his thick quad muscles tense up under your touch. Despite being the one in control, you can’t stop your voice from coming out as a mere whisper, "Of course. I want to see where the amazing dr. Zayne lives. Where he eats, where he reads his medical journals, where he…goes to sleep at night.” You relish in the way his breath catches ever so slightly at the mention of his bedroom.

When those words leave your mouth, your hand reaches to graze his crotch. You bite your lip in surprise when you’re met with his hard length. Filled with renewed confidence, you grasp his erection through his pants.

"Y/n…” his voice is a feral warning, "Behave.”

But his words only spur you on further. You find yourself replaying every single time Zayne has driven you to blinding, world shattering orgasms. His hands on your throat, lips on every inch of your skin, manhood buried deep inside. Your thighs clench as your slick continues to dampen your panties, and you decide you don’t want to wait or behave.

Your fingers move to undo his belt but Zayne’s hand releases yours to grip your hand that’s trying to undress him, "I’m driving.”

His hold is tight and refuses to let you venture further into where you want to go, "You’re a surgeon...I know you can multitask.” You shimmy your fingers from his grasp, but he only grips you tighter. His jaw is clenched and his adam’s apple bobs as he speaks, voice a raspy plea for mercy.

"This can’t wait until we get to my place?”

But you only pout at him, even if his eyes are locked on the road ahead, "Please Zayne?” You know how he loves when you beg, using it to your advantage. "I'll be such a good girl for you.”

Your pleas make him briefly snap his eyes to yours, off of the road, as his cock threatens to rip through his slacks, wanting nothing more than to be released and seek your touch. In his brief moment of weakness, you deftly free your fingers and undo his belt in one fell swoop. Zayne hisses as your hands reach in to grasp his massive erection in your palm, still not used to his more than impressive size no matter how many times he’d molded your cunt into its shape.

"You will actually be the death of me, Y/N.” You giggle at his words as your hands find their way to his bare manhood and bring it out into the tepid air of the car, marveling at the way it twitches at every tiny graze across your fingers. You lean over as much as you can against the restraint of your seatbelt, so you can earnestly jerk him up and down in your soft palm. 

Zayne’s grip on the steering wheel tightens, his knuckles turning deathly white as he groans unabashedly at your ministrations. The sound of his moans hits your ears, fueling your confidence and the burning desire in your gut.

Zayne thrusts ever so slightly up into your grip, chasing the feeling only your body can bring him, "Jesus I'm not gonna last long like this.”

Before your confidence has a chance to dissipate, you unlatch your seatbelt and lean you torso over the center console. Zayne’s eyes bulge but remain on the road, his hands still holding the steering wheel with a deathly grip. You can tell he’s about to scold you, the worry evident in the way his every muscle tenses under your touch. But before he can reprimand you, you let your tongue swipe the underside of his cock, all the way up to his thickly swollen head. 

Zayne’s words die on his lips as a strangled growl rips out instead, his hips bucking into you as you take his head fully into your warm mouth. You purposely suckle just his engorged tip, desperate to make him lose complete control because of you.

"Ffucking hell Y/N,” he moans, squirming under you and raising his hips just slightly, still trying to maintain a tight grip on his self-control. You hum into him, letting the tip of your tongue flick continuously over his leaking slit. The taste of him is sweet on your tongue and so damn addicting. Zayne’s breath is so heavy, you can practically feel his body heave up and down with his deep breaths.

Finally, you sink lower, taking as much of him as you can before he hits the back of your throat. You gag around him, throat constricting around his thick length as he keeps the car shockingly steady and straight on the road. You feel one of Zayne’s hand leave the steering wheel to gently thread itself into the hair on the back of your head, rubbing soothing circles into your scalp as you bob up and down. 

"Throat’s so damn tight,” Zayne grunts out, keeping his eyes on the road ahead of him. 

With how tall Zayne is, his seat is far enough back where you can rest your head on his lap, between him and the steering wheel, without endangering your lives. So you rest the side of your head on his lap, lips attaching to the base of his manhood, looking up at him through the blurry tears on your eyelashes. You teasingly lick at him, eyes trained on his flushed face. His eyes occasionally flit down to stare at you in lust-crazed awe before darting back to the road.

"Make sure you keep your eyes on the road Zayne,” you sing, licking his length like a popsicle, refusing to take him back into your mouth just yet. 

"I will, just be a good girl and keep sucking for me baby.” 

Your chest lurches at his words, absolutely loving his subtle pleas for you. His voice is so urgent with demand and need. 

Your body aches from your awkward position over the center of his car, but you want to give him more. You bring yourself back up to take him back fully into your lips. Starting slow, your pace gradually picks up until you’re full on fucking your throat onto him and the sounds of your gags and moans, his throaty praises, and the obscene squelches of your lips on his soaked cock fill the car. 

"Shit, I'm gonna cum soon love,” Zayne grunts, his hand in your hair a bit more forceful now, pushing you down onto his cock while still maintaining flawless control of the car. You’re unable to contain your deep moans of satisfaction as he grips your head, forcing you to take more. You love the way he’s coming undone for you, evident in the way his hands grab at you fervently and the uncontrollable stream of lust-filled moans leaving his lips.

His length inside your mouth twitches as you diligently suck him off, savoring the taste and feel of him in you. Your moans vibrate all around his throbbing length, helping to push him into releasing his load into you. His hips thrust gently into your mouth as his hands push you down, letting his cock fuck into your mouth with the most torturously delicious rhythm. The way your tongue works around him makes him shiver as he alternates between watching the road and you with dilated eyes. You can barely register the effortless turns he makes with his single hand, or when the car grinds to a smooth stop. 

"Fuuck – my girl is doing so damn good for me,” he breathes out, the lightest whine in his throat which strokes your ego. Your heart flutters when he calls you his, and your throat tightens as you continue to bob. 

Zayne’s grip in your hair tightens, "Gonna cum, you’re gonna take it all right?”

You hum in approval. The vibrations resonate in every inch of Zayne’s leaking erection as he explodes into your mouth and down your throat, his load so thick and heavy that it threatens to make you choke.

"Jesus fuck – hah – fuck,” he swears as he shoots out endless ropes into your throat, his release never ending as your lips and tongue work in tandem to prolong his pleasure. 

Zayne strokes your hair as he languidly thrusts up into your mouth, riding out the last waves of his intense orgasm. You do your best to swallow every drop, but stray rivulets of his spend drip down your chin as you release his cock with a pop. 

As you sit up, Zayne watches you in awe and adoration, reeling from what just happened, what you just did for him. He grabs your chin once again, "Open, let me see.”

You giggle, wincing slightly at the sore aches in your throat as you stick your tongue out for him to inspect. He uses his thumb to catch the cum falling down your chin, scooping it back up to your mouth. You take him into your mouth eagerly, always desperate to please him.

His eyes darken as he watches you lick his digit clean, so shadowed they reflect the night sky outside. It’s then you notice that Zayne’s car is parked, and not in front of his home. You look out the tinted windows and see you’re back at the bridge overlooking the linkon river, only it’s completely empty and dark now that the sun has set.

"Why are we–” but yours words are cut off as Zayne unlatches his seatbelt and swiftly exits the car and opens the back door, leaving you confused. You’re about to get out too but Zayne is on your side in an instant, opening your door and yanking you out. You yelp as he hooks his arms under your knees and easily carries you out like a princess.

“Zayne!” You squeal, "What are you doing?!”

He doesn’t answer, instead leaning down to press his lips into yours, kissing you with a bruising passion that makes you lose your breath. You feel him lower you into his backseat, still hunched over with his lips firmly attached to yours. He quickly pulls mr. Seal out from under you and places the plushie on the rear window shelf. You almost want to giggle at his actions, finding it adorable how he cares about the plushie enough to not just knock it over onto the car floor.

You pull away reluctantly as your back hits the cool leather, “Zayne? What are we doing here? What’s going on?”

Zayne climbs in between your legs, shutting the door behind him, and loosening his tie. You squeak when your skirt rides up and his knee pushes firmly against your cunt. You bite your lip as you watch him undo his tie, pulling it off completely before bending back down until he’s inches from your breath. His palm cups your sex under your skirt, pulling a surprised squeal from your lips.

"Since you want to be such a desperate little cock hungry girl,” he murmurs, fingers moving your panties to the side and sliding his slender fingers into your dripping slit, "I’m gonna treat you like one.”

You moan as his finger breaches you, back arching off the backseat, grinding further into his finger.

"Look at you,” he grins, "So needy for me. Can’t even wait until I take you back to my place, huh?”

Your response dies on your tongue as he inserts another finger, stretching you around him, "So fucking eager to have my cock in your mouth.”

You whine at the welcomed intrusion, fluttering around his lengthy fingers and doing your best to speak, "Nnng, m’sorry Zayne just needed to taste you so so bad.”

The content look of satisfaction lights up his handsome features, "What about this pussy baby? Does she need me too?” Your eyes roll into the back of your skull as he curls his fingers inside of you, your fingers seeking to clutch something, anything, to ground you amidst the pleasure. You try to answer his filthy words, but his fingers stroking your spongy g spot render you a blubbering mess. 

"Look at her,” he coos, "Perfect little pussy was made just for me.” His fingers make you see stars. "You want to be filled so badly huh? Can’t even wait until we get home?”

With his free hand, Zayne reaches to bring his cock out, still painfully hard despite the unbelievable amount of cum he’d unloaded into your mouth. 

Against all odds, your brain clears for a brief second to let you think logically while your eyes dart around, "W-wait, what if some-someone sees?” The excitement builds in your core at the thought of Zayne, who normally was so averse to any kind of pda, wanting you so badly he’d pulled over so he could take you in the backseat of his car in the parking lot of a public park.

But even at this angle you can tell Zayne’s windows are so tinted, coupled with the darkness outside there’s no way anyone could see unless they had their noses pressed up against the glass. 

Zayne slips your panties down and off your legs, pocketing them before lining his leaking cock with your quivering hole. He rubs his tip up and down, brushing it against your swollen clit. Your body arches towards him, begging to be used by him as your lewd moans ring in his ear. 

"So?” He murmurs, ghosting along your hole but refusing to put it in just yet. "I would love for someone to see how this perfect little cunt takes me.” He inserts his tip in, just that alone knocking the wind out of your lungs. 

"How it was made just for me to fuck,” he grunts, easing himself into you. One of your legs hangs off the car seat as the other rests on his shoulder. With one hand he holds your thigh and the other grips the door rest for support as he hunches over you. His words make your tummy stir, your cunt clenching around him. As he bottoms out, your hand clutches at the driver seat headrest, needing to ground yourself as he stretches you to the max.

“Zaaayne,” you slur, "S-so big. Feel soo good, please.” Your hands reach to clutch at his perfect face, admiring the tiniest twinges in his muscles as he burrows as deeply as possible in your pussy that hugs him so perfectly. His hand releases its grip on the door handle to squeeze your hips, pulling and dragging you against his hard pelvis with every thrust.

The sound of your bare ass repeatedly pounding against his body rings in the small constraint of the back seat, the air thick with sex and arousal. You can vaguely feel your slick dripping down the plush of your ass, onto the leather as Zayne fucks into you like he’s trying to find your esophagus with his cock.

Through your hooded eyes you can see how fogged up the windows have become, ensuring that virtually nobody could see into the car. But if anyone did see the steamy glass it would be absolutely no secret what the occupants inside were doing. The thought of that excited you beyond comprehension. 

Zayne throws his head back as he continues his incessant rolls into your core, gasping out a deep and guttural cry, "Heaven. You are heaven.”

His words have you whining, using your nails to clutch at his shoulders, clawing desperately at his muscles. 

"Ngh, Z-Zayne,” you pant, stray dribbles of drool dripping down your chin, your breasts bouncing with the force at which he spears you onto his body.

"Look at you, soaking the damn seats,” Zayne chuckles, eyeing the shiny slick on the expensive leather seats, "Do you like it when I take you in the back of my car? Like a needy little cock whore?”

You gasp at his words, unbelievably aroused at the utter filth that comes out of his mouth as he ruts as deep as he can into your velvet warmth.

Zayne groans, "Did you just get tighter?” His eyes sparkle as he gazes at you with adoration and reverence. "God, you like it when I talk to you like that huh?” You nod vigorously, fighting the blush on your cheeks and squeezing your eyes shut as you feel yourself succumbing to an incoming orgasm. 

"So perfect, so fucking perfect,” he moans, cock quivering in your folds, "Thought about this all fucking day.” 

"I walked around that fair all day when I just wanted to be in here,” he places his fingers on the mound of your cunt and massages gently, a stark contrast to the brutal pace of his cock ramming inside your sensitive walls. "Could fucking live in you.”

You whimper as his thumb shifts to your clit, forcing you to face your impending orgasm head on.

“Zaaayne, I'm-im gonna cum,” you wail, hands finding purchase on his thick pulsing neck, nails digging into his nape, sure to leave marks. He hisses at the sting that only feeds the intensity of the pleasure he derives from pounding into your perfect walls. 

Zayne grabs your chin roughly, bringing your thrown back head back up to meet his heated and hungry eyes and then pulling your chin down, "Watch. Watch me fuck my load inside you.” You're instantly hypnotized at the sight of his slick and shiny length rutting in and out of you, the veins glistening and throbbing with need. 

"Good fucking girl,” he grunts, pounding into you with a new vigor as he reaches his undoing alongside you. Your leg is bent in a muscle screaming angle while he roughly grabs the side of your neck, bringing your foreheads together as he makes his final thrusts.

Keeping your eyes on where your bodies are joined, you cry out, "Nnngh Zayne, m’cumming. Please, please, don’t stop.” Zayne harshly groans at your pleas, the sounds of your unhinged begging forever ingrained in his mind. Your climax causes you to squeeze unbelievably tight around him, sending him toppling over his own orgasm.

The sounds of your combined moans fill the air as Zayne spurts rope after rope of thick and hot cum into your quivering hole. You whimper as he suddenly pulls out of you, eyes widening as you watch even more cum erupt from his massive length, the warm milky cum painting the outside of your cunt, leaking between your lips, into your rear, and onto his luxurious leather seats.

Zayne is panting, clutching onto your thigh still thrown over his shoulder, "So fucking messy.” He uses his length, somehow still erect, to smear his cum all over the outside of your cunt, practically fucking into your lips. Your entire body shakes as he brushes against your overstimulated clit. 

"No-no more,” you whimper, scooting backwards into the side door and sitting up.

Zayne smirks, "What happened to my impatient girl? You were so eager when I was driving.” He uses his index and middle finger to swipe down your slit, coating his digits in your combined spend.

Bringing it up to your parted lips, his satisfied grin deepens, "Since my girl is so eager for my cum, don’t want you missing the taste.” You roll your eyes, but take him into your mouth instinctively. Your body always has a mind of its own, willing to do everything and anything to please the unbelievably handsome doctor before you.

Zayne presses down onto your tongue as he watches you devour his fingers, biting back the groan of arousal. He pulls away, kneeling up to redo his pants. You sit up, trying to smooth out your clothing but there’s absolutely nothing you can do about the absolute puddle between your thighs. 

“Zaaayne,” you whine as he climbs off of you, feeling exposed as the warm sex-filled draft of the car brushes against your bare cunt, "Where are my panties?”

His eyes glimmer with mischief while his fingers lovingly smooth out your wild thoroughly sexed up hair. 

"I’ve confiscated them. You’ll get them back when we get back to my home.”

You pout at him, but don’t argue, knowing you will absolutely not get your way this time. 

Zayne throws his arm around your shoulder and you melt into his strong arm, feeling utterly exhausted and content. Zayne leans over to kiss the top of your head, breathing in the smell of your pheromones and the arousal laced air. You watch the steam on the windows slowly dissipate to reveal how the night lights glitter against the calm river.

His voice is gruff, deep with satisfaction and tiredness, when he finally breaks the comfortable silence, "Will you stay with me tonight?” His tone is calm and controlled but you can distinctly make out the faintest traces of desperation, which makes your heart flutter.

"I thought you’d never ask.” You don’t notice Zayne’s faint sigh of relief as his arms grip you tighter against him, finding solace in the rhythmic way your body heaves and your heartbeat steadies.

Eventually Zayne, despite your cries of protest, carries you back to the passenger front door, placing you gently into the seat and buckling you in before getting back into the driver seat and starting the car. You squirm as the slick between your legs continues to drip, shifting so your skirt blocks the leather from your bare skin.

"Will you dream about me if I'm sleeping next to you?” You tease, bringing up your conversation from earlier. You can’t help but admire the handsome features of his side profile as he focuses on the road.

Though he doesn’t turn to you, you can see the quirk in the corner of his lips, "In order to dream, you need to sleep.” His hand leaves the steering wheel to stroke your knee, making you shiver at his possessive touch. "And since I plan to stay up all night devouring you...I won’t have time to dream.”

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[icanseethefuture333]

PAC: “My body is my temple” what your body wishes to tell you ⏳⛲️🔱

“Fountain baby, wash her, make it wet”

“Diamonds hit the sweat”

“Tattoo on her chest, yeah, yeah, yeah”

“I like when my remedies connect”

“That pussy and a bed, like angels in Tibet”

Trigger warning: this reading heavily focuses on body image and may contain content that is triggering or sexually suggestive, viewer discretion is advised.

Pile I:

Shufflemancy -

Movement by Hozier

Dash by Nmixx

Lalala by Naughty Boy ft Sam Smith

Connect with fire, Aromatherapy, Use Your hands, Two of Wands, Nine of Cups, & Four of Swords

"Dear, pile 1,

I hope you are doing well. I wish for you to be free with your body, for you have been blessed with the gift of movement. You are fortunate to have limbs that can twist and turn. Wiggle your hips, try to touch your nose with your tongue, be silly and stop being such a stiff all the time. I know you were told to "sit down" and "be still" as a child but it is time to express yourself in a way you were not allowed to before. Your inner child needs you, I keep them safe, stored inside your belly and in the memories of your brain. I want to tell that you are enough and I love your creativity! I want to be there with you, every step of the way. I, your body, am tense, I wish to embrace the warmth. Visit a spa and receive an aromatherapy treatment or lay on the warm sand. Why do you keep lying in bed? Your life is passing you by. You were blessed with a physical vessel that is capable of movement. I put an emphasis on this because I know you have been feeling fatigued and a lack of motivation. I know about those thoughts you have when you look at me, your body. You have features that you are confident about but I know that when you look at me, you find me simple, in comparison to a figure that might be more dynamic than I. I don't feel offended when you think these thoughts but I do hope that one day you can value me, your body. I know about the smoking or the desire you have to do it, I have no problem with it, but don't let it desensitize you from your senses. Getting high provides an outlet but it should not be used as a substance to escape from your problems (channeled song: High Alone by Sevdaliza). A coping method I would like for you to try is writing your feelings on paper and burning it. You are talented with your hands as well, please look into creating art or careers that involves craftsmanship. Take a pottery / ceramics class if you are wanting a new hobby.

Pile II:

Shufflemancy -

Indigo by Niki

Low by SZA

Alter Ego by Doechii ft. JT

Connect with Your Womb, Hydrate, Flow Like Water, Ace of Wands, Ten of Swords, & Seven of Wands

"Hello pile 2,

I am so proud of how far you have come! You are such a strong individual, I know the emotions that you store deep down. The side of you that the world does not see. You shine bright like the moon but I, your body, get to see your dark side. I know that you have goals and aspirations, you want to prove everybody who told you could never do it that they're wrong. There was a lack of representation for your body type and I know that when you were a teenager, this made you feel very self conscious. The rolls, the stretch marks, and cellulite that developed on your canvas was bound to happen, for that is the transition into adulthood. I know that you get upset sometimes at the level of weight, height, and density that I carry, but instead of letting these insecurities stop you, you have truly made a path for yourself and for others with similar a body type. You are growing and learning that the way to happiness is acceptance. Although, you hide behind a persona that is masked with confidence, people commend you for your ability to communicate boundaries, and how you comfortably express yourself through your style, but underneath this veil of deception, you are someone who desires love. You know that you are a successful and powerful being with immense sexual energy but there is a lack of vulnerability. In order to release these burdens and be more in touch with your emotions, connect with your menstrual cycle. Listen to what I, your body, am telling you to do during this time. Drink plenty of fluids and uptake your vitamins by eating fruits or making smoothies/juices. I know that you are dominant by nature but allow others to guide you in life and to provide you the help you need. If you are seeking a goal, the universe will place them into your life to assist you. "Be like water, my friend" - Go with the flow and see where the waves will take you. You should also take the time to go swimming or relax by a body of water (pool, lake, river, etc). Go buy that bikini or swimsuit you've been wanting to wear, you will look so amazing in it."

Pile III:

Shufflemancy -

On My Mama by Victoria Monét

I'm That Girl by Beyoncé

Bossy by Kelis ft. Too $hort

Connect with Your Ancestors, Ground Yourself, Build Strength, Temperance, Six of Wands, & The Emperor

"Pile 3,

If you expected me to be sweet like the other piles you are surely mistaken! I am here to give you the cold hard truth, I don't sugarcoat nothing. I, your body, am a descendant of your ancestors. Your shape was passed down from the maternal figures in your family. I don't care what other bodies look like, I know, that me, your body, is tea! I don't need to be hourglass, pear, or any other man made name of a body shape to be considered "sexy". These are illusions that the industry creates to make people feel insecure about themselves to get work done or buy products. You do not need any of that, you are gorgeous!!! I need you to wake the hell up and realize that. Those random body aches and cramps you get is because I am trying to get your attention when your ass ignores me. You will not look like those people you have been comparing yourself to, look at the beauty that your family possesses, that you possess. You need to ground yourself whenever you feel self conscious because of your reality. Those videos and images you see on social media are not real, it is a fake virtual world. You and I, are real, we need to reconnect, my love. Mediate more, do yoga, anything to bring your mind back to focus on you. You also need to be patient, if you wish to obtain a physical goal, you need to build endurance and strength. Quick fixes does not last and will only make the situation worst, invest your time in the gym. Bring your attention on balancing your masculine and feminine energy. You can highlight my qualities by sculpting me, your body. I am a piece of art. You need to learn to appreciate me as I have adored you, even when you reject me."

Pile IV:

Shufflemancy -

Summer 2020 by Jhené Aiko

Evergreen (You Didn't Deserve Me At All) by Omar Apollo

You Know Wassup by Kehlani

Connect with the Earth, Be Still, Beauty Ritual, Two of Pentacles (reversed), The Empress, & Knight of Cups

"Oh, pile 4,

You have been dealing with a lot. I know you are still recovering from that relationship, I feel it in our heart. Your world was turned upside down after being with them. Detachment is necessary at this time in order to heal, they never deserved you, and I am glad they no longer have access to me, your body - for we are too beautiful to settle for less. I hope you can see how serene life can be when you are single. The most precious time we have left on this planet is with ourselves, the memories we can make just by being on our own, and discovering the complex layers of our psyche. Allow yourself to be still in this moment in your life and reflect on how you are currently feeling. Do not focus on the past or the future but instead your present, for it is a gift. Spend time in nature or connect with animals, your nervous system will greatly appreciate it. You need comfort and relaxation at this time. Perhaps visit your favorite place or take a walk through the park, whichever you feel most comfortable with. It has been a while since you done something for me. I know you have not been feeling your best but it would be nice if we could a beauty ritual together. How about a nice warm bath with lots of bubbles and suds <3? You could paint your nails, do your skincare routine, massage your scalp, whatever makes you feel the most happy and beautiful. A little ASMR session could be fun as well. I, your body, wish to be your best friend. I look up to you so much, even though I have matured, I still feel like that little child playing in the sandbox or playing on the playground. Do you remember those times? Sorry, I sound nostalgic, hehe. Its just good to finally speak to you, I love you so much yet you never got to know till now, just like how Joy adores Riley from Inside Out. I want you to be happy in life. I know that things have been rough for you but I hope just like those moments where you cried as a child when you scrapped your knee, that this could be a healing process we can overcome, together. Take care, my lovely, pile 4. Love - Your body."

Pile V:

Shufflemancy -

Unfold by Alina Baraz

Step On Up by Ariana Grande

Tia Tamera by Doja Cat ft. Rico Nasty

Chanting, Pleasure, Create Art, Three of Pentacles, The World, & Two of Cups

"Heyyy, pile 5!

I'm not a regular body, I'm a cool body! I want to help you embody this mindset of being unstoppable and powerful. You have so much potential that needs to be put into motion. I want you to work on your stamina and start shifting into gear towards your goals. I hope you are feeling pumped - I know I am! I want you to walk into the room as if you own the place. You need to work on your confidence, straighten your posture, and keep your chin up high. Practicing affirmations or chanting lyrics from uplifting music could you get in you in good spirits. I want you to feel like the diva that you are meant to be. Also honey, I am still cute and perky, SHOW ME OFF! I love when people look at me, your body. I want attention and compliments just as much as you do. You are like a work of art, stop shying behind others and covering me up. Not to be brash but when is the last time you pleasured yourself?! Its been ages since I had a good orgasm. You need to learn to put yourself on the pedestal and stop only focusing on what make others feel good, when have you ever put yourself first? Exactly. I want you to march into that bedroom and focus on making yourself feel sexy. Adore me, wear lingerie, do something to get me excited! Its been a dry spell, so please make sure I am wet first and be gentle. I would like for you to to make me squirt for the first time (be gentle but not that gentle <3). My bad, is that too forward? I just want somebody to match my freak and you could totally do it. I am flirting with you? yes! That's how I want you to feel about me, your body. You should learn to paint, maybe even paint yourself nude, who's gonna judge? Nobody is there to see, unless you want them to see. Wouldn't it be fun if we went to a art class and allowed those peasants to paint us like the god/goddess we are? Not to brag but I know I'm good looking, teehee! In all seriousness, I want you to know that the opportunities in life are endless and you have so much potential sometimes that I don't think you realize it. I am so eager to explore my senses. I want you to travel different countries, eat some yummy food, create art, have a romantic fling, and make love everywhere in the house (if that's your thing I mean... no pressure). Anyways, what I am trying to say is be more adventurous, you don't always have to be responsible, isn't that what being young is for? How can you learn from your mistakes and gain wisdom if you are always wanting to be traditional and focused."

Pile VI:

Shufflemancy -

Focus by H.E.R

Cozy Girl by Baby Tate

Chill Pad Deluxe by Majid Jordan

Write a Gratitude List, Read, Make a Meal, Five of Pentacles, Seven of Pentacles, & Page of Cups

"I'm sleepy, pile 6,

I need a really good nap. Could we just stay in? I love being comfortable and relaxed in bed. To be truthful with you, and you might already know this, I am an introverted body. I do not like being in crowds or around other people for too long because it really zaps my energy :<! I prefer being at home, tending to the planets, and being in a zen environment. Could you make me a cup of tea? I would really like something warm and comforting to drink. I hope we can be in a environment one day that is something we always dreamed of - peaceful and zen, a sanctuary for us and our loved ones. I sound old fashioned, don't I now? I guess you could consider me an old soul, I am sorry if I hold you back at times from getting to know new people or make friends, I am still recovering from our past struggles. I also feel like I disappoint you at times. Could you please write about what you're grateful for when it comes to me, your body? I need to hear words of affirmation, for I feel I've been beat down enough by the world, I don't want you to hate me too, it makes me sad. I forgive you for all the times you ever been upset with me and whoever has hurt us. I think we should start over and get to know each other again. I want to help you with your health, I know you have gut issues. We need to eat out less and learn how to cook home cooked meals. It would be nice if we made a recipe book! I love your cooking, even if it sometimes taste a little funny. I feel childish, do you see me, your body, as childlike? I revert to this state to protect myself, I am so sorry, I'm very sensitive. If I could, I would feel like crying but that's a good thing, I could finally release everything I have been pushing down. Let's cozy up under a fluffy blanket, lay on our pretty head on big pillow, and read a book. Could you read me a bedtime story? Oh I would really like that. Maybe even buy me a teddy bear? I like to cuddle, it helps me fall asleep. I also like when you wear silky pajamas or t shirts with sweatpants, its the best combo. You are naturally so pretty. If I could hug you I would, do you mind hugging me? If I had a voice, it would be soft like Winnie the Pooh. I like tummy rubs. I am grateful for you taking such good care of me, I will do my best to support you. Thank you for all you have done and will do for me."

Pile VII:

Shufflemancy -

The Truman Show by Sylvan Lacue ft Xavier Omar

Insane by Summer Walker

Healthy by PRETTYMUCH

Spend Time with Friends, Make an Altar, Deep Breathing. King of Swords, Nine of Swords, & Page of Pentacles

"Breathe, pile 7!

Sheesh! Are you okay??? What's the rush, dude? You need to chill, I know you would like to accomplish your goals but you're making me, your body, sick! Forget about FOMO and catching up with others, slow and steady can still win the race. You have to be smart with how you use your energy. Instead of trying to tackle everything all at once, how about making a schedule and breaking it up into smaller tasks? It would help with all the stress you're experiencing. You are creating unnecessary tension in your life, stop comparing yourself to others, or feeling like you need to buy something because of a trend, you are missing out on special moments because you are in such a hurry to- well, grow up! You need to take some time to relax and interact with friends, I could use a really good belly laugh. Have a movie night with your besties and put the weight of the world away. I don't ask for much but all I ask is that you please take care of your anxiety before it becomes a concern. Making an altar with your favorite pictures and trinkets to calm you down could help provide you a safe space, you could even decorate it with flowers, candles, or string lights, whatever makes you happy! When you sit down at your altar, practice taking deep breaths, and empty your mind. This will provide clarity and help you calm down. If you need guidance or wisdom in life, please come to me, your body, before going to others. I can help you make the right decisions, pay attention to your intuition, and the signals I give you, for it might even save your life one day."

Pile VIII:

Shufflemancy -

Jealousy, Jealousy by Olivia Rodrigo

Splinter by FIG

Prom Queen by Beach Bunny

Sweet Treat, Sound Healing, Alone Time, The Tower, Eight of Pentacles, & The High Priestess (reversed)

"What's up, doll? I-I mean Pile 8!

I don't mean to pester ya. I bet you didn't expect me to sound like a new jersey housewife, eh? Or is it Harley Quinn??? Bugs Bunny?! Eh, whateva. Listen pudding. You are sweet as a cupcake, ooo wee! What a delight you are! You and me, doll, we make quite the pair, you know- given that I'm your body and all. Listen babe, you mind if I call you babe, sugar? I know you've been a bit down in the dumps for being "fun sized". Whether ya petite or a slim jim, what's it to ya?! Who cares if others got a bit more pushin' to the cushion? You're absolutely friggin' adorable! Keep it cute and perky. You're like Sandy Dee from Grease before she got the makeover and what not. The spice you need is that confidence Sandy got when she mustered up the courage to change up her look and join The Pink Ladies. You gotta show these fools you're not just somebody they could push around! Hun, to be frank with you, I'm really tense, I get all tough in the muscles because you're always being picked on and it makes me protective of you. It's hard for me, ya body, to let my guard down. . Bake me some goodies will ya? Whenever you're having a tough day, reward yourself with some treats. I want you to stop caring about how much you eat or where it's gonna go, you're perfect the way you are. Also why don't you listen to some music to unwind? Jam in your room, get a instrument, sing, listen to frequencies, do whatever brings you peace toots. As much as I am good at interacting with the peoples, I think it's time for us to get some alone time. We gotta start from the ground up because I know you're struggling with your confidence because of what happened to ya. Ya know- that traumatic event we don't really like to talk about? Yeah you know what I mean. I wish I could beat up those stupid bullies who made you cry. I know that from a young age, you always compared yourself to the popular kids and those celebrities from the magazines but doll, peaking early doesn't mean its gonna last forever. Being a late bloomer has its advantages, you have the brains and the beauty to match with it. I want you to know that you got something really special, kiddo! And I'm not saying it just because I'm your body. I want you to focus on building a career and getting a good education. Trust me when I say this, as you get older, I'm gonna spread out in all the right places, you won't even know when it will hit ya! I'll make it move like water, if you know what I mean, baby!!!"

Pile IX:

Shufflemancy -

In A Good Way by Faye Webster

Put Your Records On by Corinne Bailey Rae

How Sweet by NewJeans

Journal, Look to the Stars, Family, Wheel of Fortune, Ace of Pentacles, & The Fool

"Greetings, pile 9,

You have arrived to your destination! I find you to be so ethereal and beautiful. I hope you don't try to diminish your beauty by wanting to fit in, you look your best when you stand out. I like when you wear flowy clothing, it makes you sparkle like a celestial being from outer space. You should dressing according to the signs in your birth chart, it could help you attract abundance. Are you wishing to manifest your dream body? It is possible, for I, your body, are transformative. We constantly growing and changing in life. You should journal your thoughts and ideas, watch your goals come into reality. I want you to really shoot for the stars! Invest your money in taking care of your health. There are health issues that are genetic and run in your family, instead of fighting it, focus on taking care of yourself. Buying the right foods, supplements, and vitamins could be crucial at this time. I believe giving gifts and being generous to family members would help promote good spirits. If you are wanting to try something new lately, perhaps traveling, or going on vacation, now would be a good time to do so. I would like for us to go for a run, jog, or a walk! Let's visit places we never been to before, something magical is waiting to happen. I, your body, would also like a little buddy. Could we get a pet? So that they can accompany us in our jogs through the neighborhood, that would be fun!"

[yuurivoice]

It is very hard not to scream about book things. And other things. And things that are yet to come sprouting out of my mind.

But highest of keys, I wrote what is essentially the pitch for Red Tape. Kind of what a query letter would be but lacking comps and whatnot. And there are a few placeholder names and titles that need to be dealt with but it's just......so good? Like I might be tweaking, but it feels so right.

Also blew the fucking top off of the plot today all because I was thinking of last names (still hate that btw) and somehow I figured out the whole plot. I've had like...not even enough bones for the skeleton of it and then suddenly the rest just burst right up outta the grave.

It's great.

Hear me out.

The plot involves dueling conspiracies undermining each other while being forced to play nice publicly because politics. When finally the shit is hitting the fan and our protagonists are set to address the Big Problem, what unfolds is like...not a heist in the sense we've told a heist story, but it is a heist style mission.

Rather than focusing entirely on the team building part of the Heist, it's more like a theme park (not literal) that contains fun ways to expand on the deeper world building and reveal more about various characters along the way.

Example: Oceans 11 but instead of a casino, it's like...a Hell Vault. And there's a ton of big scary secret stuff. So instead of "oh, this team member uses there ability here and that's the point" the emphasis is a little more on what the challenge is and what it means for the broader world and plot etc. but with the character's specialty not being so pivotal. (I may be able to have my cake and eat it too, tbd).

Anywho, i was content with what the MacGuffin was. Just a "it's the thing they need to steal" and it can have some arbitrary plot purpose, whatever. It's a D&D Romantasy in Hell, it's not exactly groundbreaking.

But then. I figured out what they were stealing back. And it's a plot twist, but essentially turns this thing that we just kinda hand wavy "yeah we really need this thing because bad guys have it" into "oh, it's the whole point".

Which is crazy and probably sounds really simple but this is the type of shit authors typically refine on 2nd and 3rd drafts and not while they're at the fucking table writing a vague summary. Lmfaoooooooo

Anywho. You're either really confused or vaguely amused. I am so motivated to make this thing a reality.

Also, Howell Oakmourn is his name. 🥲

[gl1tch3doracle]

can we get a yoru x f/non-binary reader which doesn't end with the reader getting turned into a weapon (also with a little asa sprinkled in)

Love Yoru and Asa, but I dunno how much romance is actually in this thing. It's pretty long compared to my usual word count, so I don't know how spread out it could be or if things are rushed.

Anyway...

⊹ ࣪ ˖ Conflict of Interests ˖ ࣪⊹

Love Asa and Yoru and imo both need more love, but specifically Yoru.

➸ Yoru + !Neutral!Reader, Asa + !Neutral!Reader

➸ Word count; 3849 words,

➸ Warnings for gore, because this is CSM and it's Yoru. No spoilers (that I know of)

➸ Aside from the gore, I don't believe there are any other content warnings either. Don't know how well this flows because none of my work is beta read and I was also losing motivation by the end of this because I cranked this out in about two or three hours.

All things considered, you were adapting to your new life in Japan pretty well. At least, it felt like it.

Communication wasn't an issue, which was a relief - Neither was money, but your biggest problem so far was being directionally challenged. It complicated your routine to the utmost degree, and what was supposed to be a simple shopping trip had taken more than three hours because somewhere along the way you'd taken a wrong turn. Which was why, in your current moment, you were wandering aimlessly around the backstreets of Kyoto, meandering closely to the nearby high school. Silent as it was at the current hour, it still felt weird knowing that if you never left home, you'd probably be stuck in a building like that for hours on end.

You weren't though, and you were also lost. Which seriously wasn't fun, especially when you had a younger brother at home left unsupervised.

What was even less fun, though, (besides the thought of a rouge twelve-year-old boy) was the lack of people around you. Sure it was late, school was finished and the teenagers had cleared the food stalls and vendors and had already gone home, but it wasn't late enough that people would be tucking up in their homes already. The sun was still peaked beyond the horizon, casting pale light amok the city - The streetlights weren't even on yet, and yet the roads were emptier than a bucket with a hole in the bottom.

You weren't sure if that should make you feel relieved, or even more anxious than you already were.

Your first thought was a devil attack. They were common enough, and although the living embodiments of fear preferred more public areas (more fear to feed on, you assumed?) that didn't mean the weaker devils didn't slink around alleys like shifty cats when the darkness fell. And it was that thought exactly that kept you from calling out for help.

It was certainly a nerve-wracking thought, that was for sure, and a part of your new life that you weren't ever sure you were going to get used to. At least back home, devil attacks weren't nearly as common as they were 'round the streets of Kyoto. Sure, you'd go through attack drills like any other school, but luckily for you, you'd never had the misfortune of meeting one face-to-face on the streets. You couldn't even imagine the pure terror you might feel in that scenario - The pungent fear, the visceral pounding of your heart in your ears, the fight-or-flight instinct failing to kick in, maybe even the sickening, cloying stench of iron blood swarming your nose-

Huh. That wasn't good.

That sickly sweet, cloying iron scent of blood was swarming your nose.

You froze, rounding the corner, feet rooted to the ground. You almost flinched at the wet squelch that met your shoe instead of the steady tap against worn, greening concrete. Didn't have to look down to know that pools of blood were lapping seamlessly on your brand-new shoes. You didn't know what made you wince more, the price of the now ruined shoes, or the feeling of pungent fear that struck you at the unsightly view of bulging intestines flung around the wider street in front of you.

Gross - Disgusting. There was no immediate threat, you deduced after a second or two of not being attacked. No, the devil that made this mess (inadvertently or otherwise) was sprawled in the middle of the street, gangly, twisted, fuzzy and bulbous body blocking the road like the world's most horrific barricade. It wasn't moving, fur clogged with blood and flesh and guts only wavered with the faint breeze, but its sides didn't heave like it was breathing, although you weren't entirely certain that devils had to breathe. 'It could still be a trap' Was the thought that bullied its way to the forefront of your mind, and yet you still couldn't find it in yourself to move.

For the first time in what had to be a good long while since you'd left the store, you saw someone else. At first, your heart froze as the bee-like body of the devil shuddered and shook - It rolled onto its side, spilling more of its entrails onto the path. They slithered up to you sluggishly, like a trash heap toppling over, but the insectile face filled with jagged and snaggled teeth was blank as ever. There was no life behind those eyes, but you were more focused on the girl who'd effortlessly posed herself atop the body of the beast.

She wore a school uniform, you noticed, paired with an otherworldly cutlass held firmly in her right hand. The world around the two of you was eerily silent, ear-splitting and ringing in your mind. You clutched your bags a little tighter, the plastic crinkling, rustling ever so slightly in your fist.

The hunter whipped around to face you - She couldn't have been much older than you, but her darker hair framed her face fiercely, fire-ringed eyes glaring you down with such hostility that it almost gave you whiplash. She didn't budge from her spot, but her shoulders drew up tightly as she held her weapon in front of her defensively.

You just blinked - The smell of blood wasn't as pungent as when it first hit you, settling over you like a blanket. You just lifted your shirt, covering your nose as you waved the brooding, mysterious and most likely murderous stranger over to you. From where you stood, you could see the way she froze, face twisting from a scowl into confusion, before the crisscrossing scars on her face literally melted into her own skin, leaving her in perfect condition.

The sword clattered mutely against what looked like a misshapen lung, and the girl set her foot down firmly against the joint of a broken leg. It gave out immediately, and you could only watch as she yelped and tumbled haphazardly from the corpse into a pool of blood. The aura she'd been carrying up until that moment disappeared the second she looked up at you again. Her eyes no longer glowed like red-hot embers, mellow brown eyes looking nothing but defeated.

She shook herself once and heaved herself to her feet, shuffling over to your relatively clear patch on the fringe of carnage.

"Hello?" Her voice cracked awkwardly. You couldn't help but purse your lips sympathetically.

"Hey," You began, reaching into your pocket. Just your luck that you had a clean packet of tissues packed. "I was just wondering how to get back to the main road. I'm new to the area, and I'm kinda lost."

You offered her the tissues, and it looked like she was about ready to cry at the gesture.

"Oh, uh, sure. I could walk you," She froze, dabbing the blood from her cheek, "-only cause I also need to walk that way," Her face pulled into a grimace, and she subtly flinched as if someone was poking fun at her. She opened her mouth a few times, gaping like a fish before her face flushed red. Without another word, she hurried around the corner you'd just rounded, and you just followed without another word.

She didn't talk, never glanced in your direction to see if you were following her. You didn't mind, though, because you were just happy to see life slowly returning around you - Moreso the sounds of traffic and chatter and city ambience that you'd slowly lost over the past few hours. The joy of finally returning to a place you could somewhat navigate diverged your attention, so by the time you turned to at least thank your guide, she was already long gone.

It wasn't really your problem if she didn't want to stick around. What was your problem was the little brother you'd left at home by himself. You hoped that the apartment was still in one piece by the time you'd made it back.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

You finally visited the school. It certainly looked different teeming with student pushing and shoving their way to freedom. It also felt a lot different, seeing people your age running around in uniforms, talking to friends and passing by you without a second look. The uniforms, in particular, gave you a pause - They itched your brain in the most peculiar way until you remembered why. The same girl you'd met about a week ago, the one who'd slain the bee-like devil, had worn the very same uniform. Albeit, hers was doused in blood and cuts, it was no doubt the very same one.

That was a thought for later. You tapped your foot impatiently against the ground, waiting for your brother to finally make an appearance. You supposed his tardiness was payback for the time you got lost and spent hours wandering the backstreets of Kyoto, but you couldn't help but feel impatient.

He appeared a second later, thankfully, surrounded by a group of kids his age. It was nice to see him fitting in, especially after he'd only been going to his new school for about a week, although you had to admit it was funny seeing him freeze as soon as he saw you waiting at the front gate.

"Why are you here?" He scampered away from his group, looking more nervous than annoyed. You fixed him with a perpetually bored look.

"I came here to walk you home, idiot, why else? For shits and grins?" You quirked an eyebrow. He sighed and sagged his shoulders.

"But… I was gonna hang out with my new friends…" You gasped dramatically.

"And you were gonna make me walk home all by myself?" Your brother cringed. You felt nothing but satisfaction. With a sigh, you pat him on the shoulder.

"Just be back in time for dinner," You paused and set him with a stern expression. "And steer clear of devils, alright? I want you back in one piece."

He only gave you a big smile and a rushed thanks before running off, quickly rejoining his group. You shook your head and stretched your arms, noticing how quickly the crowds around you had thinned out around you.

"Oh, it's you again," You turned on your heel, coming face to face with the same, sharp-eyed dark-haired girl you'd briefly met a few weeks ago. Her face was riddled with scars again, clean cut, rough against her pale skin. You furrowed your brow, wondering if your memory was playing tricks on you.

"It's me? You were the girl who killed the devil, right?" You just had to make sure. She puffed up, eyes practically glowing orange and she fixed you with a pompous look.

"That's me. I'm an expert with any sort've melee weapon," She waved her hand as if shooing away an annoying insect from her ear. "But that's not why I came over here," Her eyes gleamed, "I was just wondering if you wanted to go shopping with me, y'know, have a walk around?"

You did a double-take.

The idea sounded nice, making a new friend, and there was a regular food vendor that you'd been meaning to try recently. But the idea of going with a stranger you'd really only just met set of alarms in your brain.

'However…' She was admittedly pretty. Those bright eyes that seemed to peer into your soul, a sharp, clean smile with long dark hair. 'Plus, it'll be in public, right? Plenty of other students and people around.'

"Yeah, sure, I have time," You missed the way her smile grew ever so slightly, stretching just further than a human could naturally.

However odd the situation was, you couldn't deny it was nice to finally have someone other than your brother to talk to. Admittedly, it was also odd how her bravado slipped the minute you turned to walk into the city, but you also found the marine life facts she sputtered out like she'd rehearsed were entertaining. She just seemed happy that you didn't seem bored out of your mind.

Asa Mitaka, you learned her name was. Wasn't usually one to talk to people, and she said it was a miracle she was able to muster up the courage to talk to you in the first place. She pointedly refused to make eye contact most of the time, which was fine in your opinion since at least the conversation was kept in a lively ebb and flow you weren't entirely used to.

She talked with an edge to her voice, not an annoyed one, but rather a nervous one. You didn't really want to ask about it, seeing as you used to do something similar when you were younger, however, Asa beat you to the punch.

"I don't have many friends - I had one before, but, well, she died in a devil attack not too long ago," She peered through a window store, just looking at the array of shoes that were for sale. "I mean, I haven't had many friends at all. Just the one." You stepped up next to her, but she just peered sadly beyond the glass.

Brown eyes. You squinted. Perhaps the light turned them orange. You once knew someone whose hazel eyes turned yellow under the light. Orange wasn't too far from brown.

"Maybe we can be friends," You asked, almost absentmindedly. Asa whipped around to stare at you, her mouth hanging open. Her eyes flickered back and forth - From your face, to behind you, maybe. She worried her bottom lip between her teeth nervously and didn't say anything.

That made your heart twist a little. Ouch.

Taking a break from the sun, the two of you were stopped at a vending machine under shade, grabbing a few drinks. It was mostly quiet aside from the sound of the machine working, clanging softly as coins were inserted. You were leaning against a wall when a little thing approached you out of the corner of your eye.

"Aw, cute. Kitty cat," You kneeled and reached out your hand, letting the feline sniff your fingers before it rubbed its head along your palm. Asa made a noise halfway between a choke and a squeak before shuffling a few paces backwards.

"Yeah, cute," She seemed preoccupied, whispering something urgently under her breath. Which was odd - You were going to ask if she was okay, but Asa was suddenly in your face before you could react, those same, orange-ringed eyes staring into your very being.

Orange. Not brown.

Preoccupied, a hot flush covered your face.

"Come with me. I wanna show you something cool," The bravado was back, oddly enough. No trace of the nervous high-schooler, but rather, the cool, confident and dangerous devil hunter you'd seen the first time you'd met eyes.

The change made you nervous, but also, you couldn't really say no to a pretty and confident girl asking you to come with her, especially when she'd been so heartening throughout your entire afternoon. She sealed the deal by taking your hand in hers, wrapping her lithe fingers confidently around your own in a way that made your heart thud errantly in your ribcage. Starved for human touch, you followed her as she tugged you along with enthusiasm.

It made butterflies tumble around in your chest, a sense of happiness and friendship you hadn't known in a while. It made you feel like a normal teen, running through the city with their friend, laughing happily together. You didn't have to care about making dinner, or phoning your parents in another country, or worrying about bills - You got to just run around without care plaguing your brain. You didn't care about the people you ran past, didn't even care as the streets thinned and people slowly appeared less and less around you. You didn't even realise that Asa had dragged you into something that was nothing less than an alley.

You only realised when she'd stopped laughing and was instead standing stock still between you and your freedom.

You also stopped laughing. Your heart dropped deep into your stomach.

"Ah, shit," You puffed, still catching your breath. "Well, I guess it was a dumb mistake to follow a stranger through the city." You tried to laugh away the atmosphere - You wanted to believe that you'd make it back home to see your family again, but somehow, seeing Asa's burning orange eyes made you doubt the chance that that would ever happen.

"Not surprised. Humans aren't the smartest," She offhandedly remarked, watching you like a dingo would watch a human baby. Although, no, that wasn't entirely right. There was a cold, analytical feeling behind it, not a sensation of hunger. But that word, the little indication - 'human.'

"You're a devil."

It was less a question and more of a statement. Asa smiled and cocked her head.

"A devil you couldn't even begin to fathom," Those same ringed eyes burned, pinning you to the wall. You furrowed your brow, gut-twisting and your neurotically swayed, judging how far you could possibly make it before she could close the distance.

"Lay it on me. I'm pretty smart," Were the dying words you chose to go with. However scary a devil she could be, Asa was also still in the body of a high-school girl. The sight wasn't particularly scary compared to the devils you'd seen in the past.

"You're bravado won't save. It certainly didn't save my host," Asa reached out her hand toward you, pinprick eyes staring you down with such complexity. The visage reminded you of an owl.

"I am not Asa," Asa began - "Asa is a part of me, and I am a part of her, yet, in the end, we are two different beings." You tilted your head.

"Then, who are you?" You shimmied against the wall, trying to perhaps slide your way to freedom.

Asa closed the distance instantly, digging her fingers into your scalp with such ferocity that you could feel it digging into bone with enough force to pin you to the spot, but not enough to shatter your skull instantly.

"I don't have a name, but I go by Yoru - The devil of war."

.

"(Name). Spinal cord sword."

You held your breath.

Nothing happened.

Yoru furrowed her brow.

"(Name). Spinal cord sword."

Her face morphed into a scowl, and then a snarl.

You gave her a look, one that asked 'what the hell are you doing' and you knew she knew exactly what you were thinking.

"What the fuck - Why isn't it working?" She let you go, shoving you painfully into the wall. You were dazed, now had a sore head and probably a minor concussion, but you were alive and your limbs weren't twisted into a gorey weapon. Your eyes focussed just in time to see Asa, or Yoru? Punch a hole in the nearby brick wall.

"It's because of you!" Yoru shouted at a patch of empty air. "You and your stupid human feelings and your pathetic nature to fall in love with someone who shows you a smidge of kindness and your stupid nature infecting my mind! Sharing a body with you has done nothing but hinder me!"

Yoru howled and whined like a toddler, bashing her fists against the same wall she'd punched a hole through, clutched her hair with her face screwed up into a childish scowl. She whipped around to stare in the vague direction she'd done so before, her scowl deepening with her teeth bared in a snarl.

"I AM NOT STUPID!" And with that, the anger was gone. The scars were gone, too. Her eyes were a rich shade of brown, deep, with flecks of gold and faint rings that seemed reminiscent of the war devil's own eyes. You had no idea if it was the influence of the devil herself, or if Asa's (?) eyes naturally looked like that.

An ear-splitting silence settled over the scene. Asa slumped against the wall, curled into the pit of carnage Yoru had carved with her bare fists. She just sat there, staring blankly ahead, eyes hooded and squinted as if someone was yelling at her. You were in a similar boat, head pounding, trickling of blood dribbling from your hairline, down your face and dripping onto the concrete below.

"So," You hummed. Asa flinched, but she didn't stop staring into the empty air ahead of her. "What the fuck was that all about?"

"That, uh, was Yoru." She didn't say anything else.

"And Yoru is the war devil?" Asa nodded.

…

"Mind explaining what's going on?" Asa finally pulled herself together, physically.

"It's a long story," She offered, trying to pull her hair into a pair of twintails.

"Well, I have to make dinner. Fancy staying over?" The words were out of your mouth before you could even think about them. Why you were inviting the war devil over for dinner, or at least the host of the war devil, you had no idea. But you just had one question you really, really had to ask.

"Hey, do you know why she's such a baby?"

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"I'm heading out, be back soon!" Your brother yelled into the apartment, shrugging on a jacket.

"Don't fill up on junk food and don't talk to any weird devils, 'kay?" You yelled back. Your brother paused and looked at you before nudging his head in the direction of the other room. You scoffed.

"You know damn well what I mean!" Your brother laughed and locked the door behind him as he left.

Yoru appeared in the doorway as he left, a loaf of bread tucked under one arm with a slice hanging from her mouth.

"Where's he going?" The devil sat next to you at the kotatsu, absentmindedly watching whatever was playing on the tv set.

"To hang out with friends. He probably won't be back later so don't eat all the goddamn soba this time," You pointed your pen in her direction. The devil didn't seem particularly threatened, so you made a mental note to put aside a bowl for your brother.

"Hey, Yoru? Quick question," The devil grunted. "When will I see Asa again? Not that I don't appreciate your…" You paused and looked her up and down "Wonderful companionship, it feels weird to only see one of my girlfriends on a near daily basis."

Yoru scoffed and shrugged.

"When Mitaka can take control of this body, she's more than welcome to hang out with you," Yoru took the piece of bread she'd been eating and pressed it against your lips. You quirked an eyebrow but took a bite of the offered piece of bread. You decidedly didn't comment on her eating it plain, as last time resulted in a forty-minute tantrum including someone called 'Fami'.

After a moment of silence, Yoru stopped and grinned sharply. The same smile she gave you back in that alley all those months ago.

"Are you bullying Asa-" Yoru reached forward and grabbed you by both your wrists "-again?"

…

"Yoru?" The war devil smirked like a bitch.

"Yeah?"

"You're doing this to tease Asa, aren't you?" Yoru only cackled.

"Perhaps."

Asa is crying and shaking at the end. She can't believe Yoru would do something like that in front of her.

[forged-in-paper]

Sometimes it can be very hard to decide what to work on when you're juggling several projects so most of the time I let my heart decide and just work on what sounds fun, but the problem with that is that sometimes nothing sounds like fun to work on and for the longest time I really struggled with that lack of motivation and the creative drought that usually comes along with it. These days when I'm feeling less than motivated to work on a project, I no longer force it. Old habits die hard, but burnout sucks and I've learned to let myself love my hobbies instead of feeling burdened by them which I too often have in the past.

Anyway, lemme share what I've been working on for the past couple days.

I really like a unique species, but often find it difficult to significantly differentiate two species from each other. Really, what is to stop an elf from playing like a dwarf from playing like a human, you know? There is a hard approach and a soft approach to this issue, and in the past I've taken the softer approach of giving the player some information about the species and how to properly play them, but I found that to be a fundamentally broken premise because my players don't read lol. They see a picture they think looks cool, check out the abilities to see if they sound fun, and then make their choice and while there isn't necessarily anything inherently wrong with that, it led to a lot of the species I'd written to fit into the story in a very specific way acting very out of character and then what, am I supposed to correct the player and say they're playing their character wrong? I'm not that serious about this thing and you shouldn't be either tbh. Instead, I'm trying out a hard approach by placing a roadblock in front of the player that will force them to reconsider how they interact with the world, in this case by throwing a wrench into the gearbox of the social pillar with the insectoid intelligence feature. Ideally, this feature will lead to interesting scenarios that wouldn't have occurred otherwise and makes sure that such interactions happen when they're logical instead of relying on players to have read the script and be willing to play along.

As for the theme, these guys are a later addition to the lore of Vallonde but are one that I quite like. There is a lot that you can do with the concept of an insect person, more-so than with something like a cat or dog person, and I feel like I honestly kept it very tame by not including a life-cycle/shedding mechanic, nor any mechanical implementation of the idea of pheromone communication beyond a language option. I think that you could make something really unique by getting a little weird with it, but at a certain point I've found that my urge to add mechanical complexity is for my own sake rather than for the good of the content and it's best to just let it go and keep it simple.

Thanks for reading! If you've got any questions or comments I'd love to hear them. Until then, happy gaming! - Forge

[montammil]

June of Doom Day 1 - "Help me."

| Failed Escape | On the Run | Fetal Position |

Catching up on June of Doom as much as I can haha. Next one I think I'll do is CCE, but for now, here's some Rowan/Sawyer content.

Sorry it's shorter than most of my works, haven't been feeling too motivated but I've been forcing myself to get there haha.

CW: Implied drugging, failed escape, intimate/yandere whumper, implied trauma, noncon touching (not sexual), concussions, slight gore

...

It had been three months since Sawyer managed to escape from Rowan. Those three months felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest, yet was still somehow more stressful than being in his kidnapper's grasp. He was glad to have freedom again, but terrified every time he went outside. Hell, even when he was inside his shitty motel room he was scared that Rowan would be somehow in his walls.

The fear made it so difficult to do things as simple as getting groceries and going to the laundromat.

There were so many people outside, everywhere. Rowan could blend in with them no problem, and then get Sawyer alone and take him back to his own personal hell.

But... there had been no signs of Rowan ever since Sawyer got out. There hadn't been any flowers on his doorstep, no messages on his phone, no emails to his old Indigo work account.

That was probably because Rowan had no idea where he was (hopefully) and Sawyer was now confined to using a cheap flip phone instead of his smartphone that Rowan had broke.

Sawyer tried not to think about Rowan. He tried to focus on the here and now, and the here and now was buying a few bags of chips at the gas station.

He did his best not to look over his shoulder the entire time he shopped. Every little sound made him jump. People chatting quietly with each other. The cashier running change for another customer. Someone opening the glass freezer door across the room.

Fuck, everything freaked him out nowadays. But he needed to get groceries sooner rather than later. His room had only a microwave and a mini fridge in it, so if he didn't want to go hungry tonight he needed food. He wanted nothing more than to buy a pack of cigarettes, but he couldn't even do that with his little money and lack of ID.

He set down the items he bought onto the counter and waited for the cashier to ring him up. Each moment felt like an hour.

"That'll be $8.36."

"Thanks," Sawyer said, fishing through his pockets. He took out some crumbled bills and counted them out, then dropped the money into the man's open palm. "Keep the change." He needed the money, but he also needed to get out of here asap.

The cashier thanked him. As soon as Sawyer got his change back he left. He went outside with his bagged goods, thankful for the cool breeze outside.

It was already dark outside and he only had the light of the streetlamps to guide him back to his motel room.

It was cold tonight, almost freezing. He should've gotten a jacket from the store, but he'd be fine without one. If he froze to death that would be preferable to going back to Rowan.

Breathing in the crisp air helped him feel a little better, less like he was suffocating under the stress of being outside. At this rate, he was going outside even less than when he was in captivity.

He thought a car was about to pass him, but when it started to slow down by the curb Sawyer's heart nearly stopped.

The car... looked exactly like Rowan's.

Rowan had found him.

No no no no no no no no no no no...

His blood turned to ice and his stomach twisted into knots. All he could manage to do was take a few steps back, dropping his bags of food. The car door opened, and out stepped Rowan. His hair was messier than usual and he wore all black clothing, which was a stark contrast to the cozy wool sweaters and dress shirts that Sawyer was used to seeing him in.

Sawyer didn't waste a second on standing around in shock. He immediately bolted off running in the alleyway right behind him. His lungs were already burning but he couldn't let that stop him. He could hear Rowan call his name from far behind, echoing off the walls.

"Help me!" Sawyer shrieked, running faster than he ever had before. "Someone help me, please! Help-!"

His words were cut short when he ran face first into a brick wall. He blamed the poor lighting for his misstep, and the throbbing pain in his head kept him from getting up as fast as he wanted to.

Rowan slowed down. He was cornered, so he curled up into a ball in an attempt to make himself seem smaller. Maybe it would work. Maybe if he tried hard enough he would just disappear.

"Sawyer," Rowan breathed out, clearly exhausted. Sawyer wasn't sure what happened between the kidnapping and now, but it looked like he had gone through some shit too.

But whatever happened to him wasn't Sawyer's concern. This was his kidnapper, his tormentor, the man who abused him for months. He wasn't going to pity him.

Rowan collapsed on his knees, then pulled Sawyer close to him. It felt strange being so close to someone again; it made Sawyer feel dirty.

Even with the awkward position, Rowan was so much stronger than Sawyer. There was no way he was breaking free of his grip any time soon.

"I missed you so much..." Rowan muttered against Sawyer's hair, squeezing him tighter. "So so so much." His hot breath made Sawyer turn his face away. He was desperate to escape this, any of it. Rowan flashed a knife in his direction, and that was all it took for Sawyer to stop squirming.

The last thing he needed was another injury from his deranged stalker.

Rowan tutted, examining the side of his head with his free hand. "Oh, poor thing. I bet that hurt. But don't worry," he cooed, kissing his forehead. "I'm going to take care of you. That's why you did all of this right? You just wanted me to pay more attention to you." A dark chuckle escaped his throat. "Well, you'll get it, don't you worry."

Next thing Sawyer knew, Rowan had tucked the knife away somewhere in his coat, then forced him to his feet.

Sawyer was sure he was concussed and most likely had a broken nose, so his balance was compromised. But as always, Rowan managed to keep him upright.

He steered them out of the alley and to his car. He contemplated putting him in the trunk, but settled for the backseat instead, since it looked like his beloved wouldn't be awake for much longer.

"You can relax, my dear." Rowan kissed his bloody nose. Sawyer didn't even have the awareness to be disgusted. "Since the typical punishments aren't working on you, I think I've worked up a new solution. You're not allergic to ketamine, are you?"

[swanwonyoung]

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with this video and my wonyoungism pinterest board

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

i will show you wonyoungism in pink, blue, black, red, literally in any color you like, because it's not about it at all.

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welcome to another guide !

a productivity guide (🍀)

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chapters 🪼

let's talk about the perfect routine and the negative effects of it.

how to be productive without being overwhelmed.

tips that worked for me and tips that didn't work for me.

there are other isms???

chapter one 🍀🌷🍏🩷

first of all, what is a perfect routine?

chatGPT gave me a short explanation about it and i also asked about the negative side, here is the answer :

A perfect routine is a balance between productivity and self-care. It includes time for work, exercise, learning, and relaxation. Flexibility is key, allowing space for creativity and rest. Small, consistent habits shape long-term success. The best routine is the one that makes you feel fulfilled and energized.

A "perfect" routine can become restrictive and stressful. The pressure to be productive all the time may lead to burnout. Lack of spontaneity can make life feel dull and repetitive. Missing a task might cause guilt instead of motivation. Balance is important, but so is embracing imperfection.

and this lack of motivation actually happened to me and i felt guilty for not completing some tasks, so you can trust me when i say that i know an actual routine that can help you like it helps me everyday, the first step is : embracing imperfection, just like chatGPT answered for me.

this video that i am using as a recommendation is actually for my first tip :

☆ consume content that aligns with your goals, for example: being more present on wonyoungism.

When you constantly consume visual content of what you want to do, little by little your subconscious will understand that you can also do what you see in those videos, it's like an invisible motivation, and actually i've been doing this for two years, and it's not just for wonyoungism, it's for studies, for workouts, literally everything, i even get motivated to organize my space just by watching videos about it, so it works.

“but in the video everything looks perfect”

trust me, i know that it looks like a perfect routine, but that's what i wanted to talk about, it's the main reason i wrote all of this, i wanted to let you know that they have a reality different from yours but that doesn't mean you need to ignore them, you can get inspired and adapt everything to your reality, it's okay if you don't have a lot of skin care, i don't have either and the basic works really well for me, it's okay if you don't have everything they have, so i wanted to suggest something we can do together : grab a pen and paper and write down everything you have, and then watch this video and write down things you wanted to have but can't have at the moment. once you've made this list, try to adapt it to your reality.

like for me it's: they have a table where they study, a vanity where they get ready and i don't, so i'll find what i already have here, like a smaller mirror and put it in a place of my choice, and it's in this place where i'm going to get ready for the day and to study i can sit at the table in the kitchen and study/write my daily journaling prompt.

see? it's way better finding solutions than starting to complain about what you have and what you don't.

and that's it for chapter one, if you didn't understand a single thing, you can send me an ask and i'll try to help you.

chapter two 🍀🌷🍏🩷

this was actually my journal prompt for today, and my answer was simple, how can i change my routine to something that doesn't overwhelm me? well, i can adapt what i want to my reality, stop trying to copy and paste those routines to my reality because they don't match, that's basically a little bit of my answer, and that actually gave me the idea to write this mini chapter, i want everyone to know what works and how to do it, so let's dive into this !

don't feel guilty for not being able to complete a task !

easier said than done, but when i started doing this i realized that my routine was never bad, i was the one making it looking bad just because i had 10 tasks for the day and only completed 5, considering it a lost day, when i actually did some of my tasks, but of course i didn't notice that and blamed myself for not being able to keep up with an insane routine, i was writing tasks that didn't fit my reality and that i didn't had enough resources to do it, so i started to reduce my tasks and that made me feel not guilty, because i actually complete my tasks, and if i don't do one thing i actually don't blame myself anymore, this positive effect won't happen overnight, but if you keep trying, it will happen little by little for example, my process took a whole year.

define what is really productive for you

It's kind of a trap to set yourself something you can't do and then feel bad about not being able to do it, I've already put things like doing workouts that go beyond my endurance instead of doing them little by little until I reach that level, just because I saw that in this random perfect routine, so I started to put things that i actually like to do, pilates or yoga, stretching and a light workout, and it works better ! i don't feel overwhelmed, and as a result, i feel like i am more productive this way, because i actually focus and do everything because i enjoy it, not because i feel pressured to do it, i 100% recommend this tip.

i know there are just two tips, but like i said, it's not to overwhelm yourself, but rather so that you can really focus and do it, and really notice your progress.

chapter three 🍀🌷🍏🩷

what worked for me :

adapt the tasks to my reality

a to-do list without too many tasks

more time to focus on what i have to do than tasks

what didn't work :

set a time limit to complete tasks

try to study without the pomodoro method

there are more things, but i wanted to focus on these, i tried to study or do anything else without breaks and it doesn't work for me, because i lose focus, if i'm not focused on what i set out to do, i'll do it without any effort, that time won't have been of any use.

remembering that: you don't have to copy my list because what might work for me might not work for you, and what doesn't work for me might work for you, but you can use it as an example to write your own version.

chapter four 🍀🌷🍏🩷

yes, there are other isms, but i'll actually tell you the ones i also follow besides wonyoungism, because there are a lot that i don't know about but i see people following, but my other isms are:

iveism, sserafimism, aespaism

yunjinism ( yunjin huh, le sserafim )

haerinism ( haerin kang, njz )

winterism ( minjeong kim, aespa )

and a new one : leeseoism (hyunseo lee, ive )

[purple-plum-petals]

Hi! I love reading your works and I have a little request if you don't mind for a Jade x Reader.

I really just want a short where the reader is making their Halloween costume (a mushroom fairy) and surprises Jade with it. It'd be even cuter if the mushroom that the reader got inspiration from also happened to be a favorite of Jade's.

⊱ A Tailor-Made Coshroom ⊰ || Jade Leech X Reader

╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮        Character(s): Jade Leech, Floyd Leech, Azul Ashengrotto, Grim (Twisted Wonderland)        Reader Type: Human, Ramshackle Prefect (Gender-Neutral Pronouns) – Reader is mentioned to be shorter than Floyd and Jade.        Warning(s): Brief Mentions of Blood, but Besides That, Nothing! I also always use the Japanese TWST Terms (Dorm Leader instead of Housewarden, Madols instead of Thaumarks, etc.) in my writing.        Genre: Drabble, Fluff, Attempt at Comedy, Romantic or Platonic Relationship (It Can Technically be Read as Either since Nothing is Stated Directly, but it Does Lean More on the Romantic Side of Things)        Word Count: ~1,900 words        Request: “Hi! I love reading your works and I have a little request if you don't mind for a Jade x Reader. I really just want a short where the reader is making their Halloween costume (a mushroom fairy) and surprises Jade with it. It'd be even cuter if the mushroom that the reader got inspiration from also happened to be a favorite of Jade's.”        Author’s Note: I’m overjoyed to hear you enjoy my works; thank you so much for reading! This ask has been sitting in my inbox for quite some time but, since spooky-season is right around the corner, I thought now would be the perfect time for me to post this. I’ve been lacking a lot of motivation when it comes to writing as of late, but I’m hoping I can pump out at least one request every week from now on until my inbox is cleared out. I actually started my Master’s program, so hopefully I’ll have time to be able to write for enjoyment rather than just for academics. 😅 I hope this is alright; I have to admit, I’m a bit rusty haha. (Also, just a PSA, the ending is supposed to be cute I swear – it’s just Jade acting a little more childish like Floyd and was not intended to be creepy! I didn’t want this to get too long since it was supposed to be a shorter piece, but I had no idea where to end it. 😔) Also, yes, the title is a pun on costume/mushroom – yes, I couldn’t think of another title.

→ If you enjoyed my work, please reblog it if you can! Exposure on Tumblr is based on reblogging content rather than liking it, so your support would be much appreciated!  ♡ ╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯

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Halloween was inching closer and closer by the day and you didn’t have much more time to complete your costume. So, as soon as you were finished with class for the day, you immediately returned to Ramshackle, cooping yourself up in your room until it was time to make you and Grim dinner. You had been working non-stop on your costume for the past week or so, powering through the many times you’ve pricked your finger with your accursed sewing needle. You couldn’t even count the numerous occasions that Grim or the ghosts had to help bandage your hands up after all your slip-ups at this point.

You had come up with an idea nearly a month ago and wanted to make it a reality with your own two hands – this year for Halloween, you would be a mushroom fairy! You had thought the idea was pretty cute, plus it was a simple enough costume to make considering all the DIY videos you could find on the internet. While it most certainly wouldn’t be unique by any means, hopefully your classmates would be able to appreciate the work you had put into it.

Your costume was based on the Fly Agaric mushroom, also known as Amanita Muscaria, simply because it was an iconic mushroom with its recognizable red-and-white-dotted cap. It was also one of your upperclassmen’s favorite species of mushroom, but that wasn’t the reason why you chose it – it was just a coincidence, you swear.

Right now, you were currently finishing up your mushroom cap, sewing on a few final details into the red fabric considering Halloween was now only two days away at this point. You were certainly excited to be able to show off your costume to your friends, and you were hoping you’d get a genuine reaction out of the previously-mentioned upperclassman. After about another twenty minutes, you had completed adding all of the small white beads to your hat. With a wide smile, you held your costume out in front of you. It was finally ready, and you couldn’t wait to see what everyone thought of it at the party.

Before you knew it, it was finally Halloween and – after weeks of hard work and bloody fingertips – you were finally able to wear your costume! You already had gotten quite a few compliments from some of your friends, but you had a specific upperclassman in mind you knew would absolutely love what you were wearing. You were currently scanning the room to see if you could find him, trying to spot his signature teal hair among the large body of students. It shouldn’t be too hard to find him considering how tall he was, but you ended up finding his brother before you could him.

“Hey Floyd! Happy Halloween!” You said with a smile, making your way over to one of the school’s biggest menaces. Floyd’s face seemed to light up when he saw you, a bright yet somewhat intimidating grin spreading across his features.

His sharp teeth were at full display as he made his way over to you, waving as he said in a sing-song tone, “Shrimpy~, there you a–!” However, once he seemed to register your costume, his smile immediately faded as he questioned with a slight scowl, “…What are you wearing?”

“I’m a mushroom fairy! Pretty cute, right?” You told him in return, pride filling your chest as you gestured towards your outfit.

“Ew, no – mushrooms are gross.” Floyd said with a grimace, looking almost disappointed with you.

“What? No they’re not! They’re absolutely adorable!” You told him in return, placing your hands on your hips as you stood your ground.

“Ugh – you’ve been hangin’ out with Jade too much. He’s a bad influence on you.” Floyd said, coming over and placing his arm on your shoulder as he leaned into you with his taller form. He had the habit of using you like an armrest every now and again, a habit that he had picked up months ago at this point.

“Arguably, I think you’re a worse influence.” You said with a slight huff, trying to keep yourself balanced considering you had a giant leaning against you. You moved the hat on your head out of the way so you could glance up at Floyd, asking him, “Where is your brother, by the way? I’ve been looking all over for him.”

“Last time I saw him, he was with Azul by the food table.” Floyd said, glancing down at you in return. However, once your eyes met, a wide smirk began growing on his face. As he poked your cheek slightly with his index finger, he asked teasingly, “Why, you wanna show him your adorable costume? Ehehehe, you’re getting bold, Shrimpy.”

“You know what? I think I’m done with this conversation.” You bluntly stated, quickly removing yourself from under his weight as Floyd laughed out loud at your slightly flushed face; you didn’t get why he liked teasing you so much. He didn’t seem fazed by it at all by your sudden movement either, immediately returning to his usual posture as though he hadn’t been putting all of his weight on you just mere moments ago.

“Good luck~ – I’m rooting for you!” Floyd said with a shit-eating grin, waving to you as you left that conversation before he could embarrass you any further.

You weaved in and out of the sea of your classmates, looking for the food table since that was the only lead you had to go off of. You knew you probably had all night to show your costume to Jade who was arguably the person who would appreciate it the most, but a part of you just wanted to show him now. Thankfully, as the snack table came into view, you saw both Jade and Azul who seemed to be talking with one another. Azul was drinking what seemed to be fruit punch, a slight scowl on his face as he glared down at the cup in his hand, while Jade seemed absolutely delighted by his companion’s utter look of distaste.

“Note to self,” You thought, “Don’t try the punch.”

Now was the perfect opportunity for a scare, though, so you tried to make yourself as small as possible which was honestly quite difficult given the size of your hat. You slowly closed in on Azul and Jade, the former seeming to notice your presence but deciding not to say anything as you snuck up beside Jade, jumping up slightly as you exclaimed, “Boo!”

“Ah, Prefect, it’s nice to see y–…” Jade said with a smile as he turned slightly to look at you, his words tapering off as soon as you two made eye contact.

You grinned up at both of them, saying happily, “Happy Halloween you two!”

“Yes, happy Halloween to you as well.” Azul said, throwing his cup of punch into a nearby trash can as he asked you with a slight smirk, “Not going to say ‘trick or treat’ to me again this year, hmm?”

“Nope – I think I learned my lesson from last year… but, if you happen to have any treats you’d like to give out, I’ll happily take some!” You said with a smile, watching as Azul pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. Jade was still looking at you, not having said anything besides his unfinished greeting.

One of Azul’s brows rose in question as he asked, crossing his arms over his chest as he looked at you as if you had grown a second head, “Since when did I become someone who just gives out things?”

“Since we became friends, duh – friends do nice things for friends, no strings attached!” You told him honestly; after all, you considered the three most terrifying influential members of the Octavinelle dorm to be your friends. While you definitely did not have the best start with any of them, you really didn’t have a lot of good first impressions (or experiences) with any of your friends at NRC. Somehow throughout the past year, though, you had grown to be quite close with the octo-trio.

He seemed to think for a moment, glancing over at Jade before smiling and muttering slightly, “Hmm… I have an idea of something nice I could do for both of you, then.” He then suddenly began to walk away, waving slightly as he departed as he spoke, “I’ll talk to you later if we run into each other again – have fun, Prefect.”

“Oh, uh… you too?” You managed to say, waving to him as well despite how confused you were at the whole situation. Why did he just leave? How exactly was ditching in the middle of your conversation doing something nice?? You know, sometimes Azul was just as much an enigma as the twins were.

“Well, that was kind of weird…” You muttered to yourself before returning all of your attention to Jade, smiling up at him as you gestured towards your attire, “So, what do you think about my costume Jade? Believe it or not, I even managed to make it all by myself.”

He had been watching Azul’s retreating form with a slight frown on his face as he muttered under his breath, “…He’s going to make me repay him for this, isn’t he?”

“Hmm? What was that, Jade?” You asked, not having quite heard what he had said. Between the noisiness of the party and the height difference between the two of you, it was difficult to hear anyone if they weren’t speaking louder than usual.

Jade just looked down at you, his smile returning full-force as he said, “Oh, it’s nothing you have to worry about.”

Before you could even ask him what that meant by that, Jade reached forward to hold the ruffles that lined the bottom of your hat in between his fingers as he inspected it, telling you with a slight hint of interest in his voice, “Your costume is quite impressive; you did a very good job, you know.” He paused for a moment to ask you, looking down at your form with his mismatched eyes, “Say, what made you decide to pick the Fly Agaric mushroom, hmm?”

“I mean, probably it’s an iconic mushroom, you know? Like, I’m pretty sure everyone knows what this one looks like even if they don’t know its name.” You told him, taking a moment to think about whether you wanted to admit the second part out loud. Well, you might as well be completely honest with him – after all, he could very easily get the truth out of you if he wanted to, “Plus… isn’t it one of your favorite mushrooms? I just thought you’d appreciate it, is all.”

Jade’s face was unsettlingly blank for a long time before an arguably terrifying smirk grew across his face as he lightly pinched one of your cheeks in between his fingers, “My, you’re too cute, Prefect. I could just eat you up right now.”

“Really Jade? Now isn’t the time to joke around like that… I mean, you are joking, right?” You asked, glancing up at him; however, Jade said nothing in return, the grin on his face only widening. You could feel your blood run cold as you asked him, a nervous smile on your face as you said, “…Do I at least get a head-start?”

He seemed to think for a moment, standing up straight before telling you with a smile, “Go ahead – I’ll be a little more courteous to you than my brother usually is. Now, let’s have some fun, hm?”

[chiwrld]

hi everyone!! this is my first post on tumblr and I thought I’d share a vaunt I wrote a couple weeks ago regarding the void to help remind me that I am God and motivate me further to persist despite my 3D circumstances. I hope this helps someone who may be struggling with the I AM state and is constantly over complicating it the way I did!!

“Let’s get this shit straight: the void is not some entity outside of me. It is not something I can enter. It is ME. It is a state of which I am in my purest form. One in which I have no attachment or awareness of my physical reality. My tangible experience is just an add on, an extension to what is truly me at my core: my consciousness. And this “void state” is truly just me letting go and being one with myself without the physical component being present. It truly is that simple. So I am the “void.” I AM.

Also, do you know how many times I consciously manifest without much thought added onto it? Just this morning an affirmed my mom wouldn’t bother me about getting ready (because I was lazy) and she left me alone for a whole hour after she asked!! Later on I affirmed my grandmother was sleeping RIGHT before entering her room and guess what? Fast. Asleep. When I was speaking to my father today what did I decide? That I didn’t feel the usual anxiety I experience when speaking with him, AND?? That feeling in my chest disappeared within seconds.

My point is I AM a master manifestor. I always have been. Since I discovered LOA till now. A master never loses their spark and the minute I became aware of my power and that I am The Creator, I claimed said power as my own (because it is) and I will never go back. I know that every single experience I go through is a result of my internal states and that my tangible experiences are malleable due to being able to shift and occupy different states from the infinite that exist.

So then how can occupying the state of being a void master hard? Well, it isn’t. I mean at least it wasn’t for me. I began writing this for motivation but now that I really thinking about, I’m just beginning to realise how familiar and reachable the I AM state feels to me BECAUSE IT IS!! I have become freed from the shackles of putting the void on a pedestal, because it literally makes ZERO SENSE to idolise something as if it is a separate entity from yourself. It is not just a part of me, it IS me and I’ve finally accepted and digested such.

With that being said, this state is apart of me. Therefore, in order to become unaware of my physical surroundings I shall state and decide that I am no longer aware of such. Why? Because life is THAT easy when you have the knowledge of LOA on your side, it’s a loophole! From there I will make sure I am relaxed for a smoother experience. Because my 3D reality will inevitably conform to the state I have occupied in my imagination, I will keep in mind that it truly does not matter if I breathe. What I mean is, I guess I have this limiting belief that if I focus on my breathing as an attempt to relax and furthermore “enter” the void, I will still be aware of my physical body as a result. However, regardless of me focusing on my breathing or not, affirming to become unaware of my body will materialise into my tangible experience and will occur as a result of deciding and persisting.

Once I feel as though my grip on my physical reality is disappearing, I will affirm for the void. I think one of my other issues is that I affirm from a stage of lack when it comes to this stage. What I mean is, when I affirm that I am in the void I push myself to continue looping the affirmations in order to “enter” the void instead of a reminder that I HAVE entered it already, instead of accepting my statement as fact and feeling it real (AKA truly knowing that it is done)

I shall affirm until I’m satisfied. Until my subconscious has experienced pure conviction. Until I feel at content and at peace with what I’ve stated. Because forcing myself to continue would be operating from a state of lack and I never lack. It’s impossible in my reality. Therefore, it is impossible for me to think from such a place as well. Remember: fulfilling myself in imagination is the goal here. From there I will either allow myself to sleep in that state and wake up without 0 physical awareness or continue to relish in the feeling of achievement, contentment and utter peace with finally experiencing the void state before the 3D decides to catch up with me and has me experience it in my outer world.”

“Key points

Identifying my objective: experiencing the void

Deciding that I am the state of entering the void with ease

Relaxing my body + mind

Affirming that I no longer have any physical awareness + I AM

Fulfilling myself in imagination

DONE.”

Hope this helps anyone who may be overcomplicating pure consciousness or just needed a refresher as to what it truly is in essence + be reminded of their own limitless power. Vaunting is a great “method” too so I definitely recommend doing such instead of doomscrolling (you know yourselves…)

yours truly,

chi.

[lightandfellowship]

KHDR Re:Write - Giving Hermod A More Prominent Character Arc

Urd's rewrite can be found here.

The tl;dr:

Hermod’s initial motivation: To uphold the "greater order" and follow the rules no matter what.

Hermod’s struggle: He doesn’t always agree with the rules, and following them often results in both him and his friends getting harmed. His commitment to following the rules even at the cost of himself partially stems from him feeling like he has no control over his life, and he copes by assuming that (most) authority figures are trustworthy, competent, and have his best interests in mind.

Hermod’s conclusion: He needs to be willing to break the rules and think for himself in order to do what’s right and protect his friends.

Below the read more is a rough outline of how I would implement this character arc into the story. Be forewarned that it's a fairly long and text-heavy post.

Four notes before we begin (feel free to skip):

Rather than this being a full-fledged rewrite where I get to go ham and do whatever I want, instead my goal is to try and demonstrate how the game in its PRE-EXISTING state could have given Hermod a more clear and satisfying character arc via fairly minor changes to the dialog, characters, and story. I want to see if this could have been possible without having to expend too much extra time and resources, since it seems like a lack of time/resources/budget is why his story got cut in the first place. So I won’t be doing anything drastic like creating entirely new episodes or anything like that. Same worlds. Same number of episodes. Same sequence of events. Same overarching plot.

Ideally, I would have liked to convey certain details about these characters and their story via secret reports/diary entries. Specifically, the sorts of details that would slow the pace down or feel a little too direct/clunky if addressed within the story itself. However, because of the self-imposed restriction I talked about in point 1 (i.e. no drastic alterations to the game or additions that would require extensive effort to implement), I won't be utilizing such a format, and so I will sometimes have the characters speak a bit more openly/directly about their feelings/thoughts than I otherwise would've liked.

Because I have a lot to say, I won't be providing summaries of the episodes I'm discussing as I explain my story changes. A fairly solid recollection of the game's events is...perhaps not required, but certainly helpful for understanding what I'm talking about and how I arrived at my choices.

I don't claim to know better than the writers or even be an experienced writer myself, this is just how I personally would approach giving Hermod a more prominent character arc, because I think we can all at least agree that Hermod didn't get enough focus in this game. If Hermod's story hadn't been cut (presumably), I have no doubt that Tomoco Kanemaki would have come up with something better than what I'm proposing here.

But anyway, without further ado:

Hermod's Motivation and Personality

"Simple as that."

During the flashback where the underclassmen are asked why they want to become Keyblade Masters, Hermod is initially flustered at the question, as if he either didn't have a good answer prepared or was reluctant to say what it was. He averts his gaze and noncommittally agrees with everyone else’s reasons, avoiding the question somewhat, but then he clarifies that he’s doing it so that he can “uphold the greater order." This phrasing is a little vague, but I assume he basically just means that he wants to uphold the law of Scala, Keyblade wielders, and Light.

Based on his behavior and dialog here, it almost seems like Hermod became a Keyblade wielder for much the same reason as Eraqus: it was just expected of him. It was what he was told to do, and he always does as he’s told. But he nonetheless is content with the path chosen for him because he knows that it’s the best way to uphold order and protect his loved ones. As his official bio states, “he plays the role of big brother as he looks out for and takes care of everyone.”

Honestly, I think even in the base game Hermod’s “arc” is fairly obvious: he goes from strictly following the rules to being willing to break them for his friends. However, the problem is that the game doesn’t really focus on Hermod enough to make this arc feel sufficiently developed and explored. As in, the end of his arc just kinda happens abruptly with very little build up. So, in my rewrite, I’m going to have Hermod more frequently demonstrate his commitment to upholding order, and have him do it in a way that impacts the events of the story more, while also having the narrative address the consequences of that mindset more directly.

Also, as an aside, Hermod's official bio makes special mention of his anger, but I don’t think the game showcases that aspect of his character enough? So I'll try to incorporate his anger into the story just a tiny bit more. To be clear, I don't really want his anger to be framed as, like, this major character flaw of his (for the purposes of this rewrite, his major character flaw is going to be his aforementioned strict rule-following), I just want it to crop up more often in the story to add more Flavor to his character. It seems like the original intent was for Hermod to be the fire to Urd's ice, but the game doesn't really convey that all too well, if you ask me.

Before we move on, I want to quickly summarize some canon aspects of Hermod's character that are going to be important to this arc, things that are consistently established about him throughout the game, to the point where it would be silly of me to list every single example of these character traits as I walk you through my rewrite (I will be mentioning some of them in more detail later, though).

He's a model student. Hermod tends to be the one who takes charge in class; he's the one who approaches Odin with the underclassmen's issues, speaks on behalf of the underclassmen, and volunteers for tasks. He also tends to prioritize Odin's wishes and judgment.

There's some implied friction between him and Eraqus that eases up as time goes on. He tends to give Eraqus annoyed and disapproving looks whenever Eraqus talks back to Odin or says something ignorant. That being said, he also seems fond of Eraqus, smiling and laughing at jokes about his antics.

With that, let's get into the rewrite.

Episodes 1-2: Establishing Hermod's Character, and "The Problem"

To start off with, I want to point out a small detail at the very beginning of the game that leads me to believe that Hermod isn’t actually satisfied with being such a well-behaved rule-follower.

When the underclassmen talk about the potential existence of newborn worlds that don’t have rules or laws set in place yet, Hermod, after some quiet contemplation, remarks with “Then the rules can be changed...” (this is even the quote chosen for Hermod’s official bio, no less!) The fact that this thought crossed Hermod’s mind at all, and the fact that the narrative chose him specifically to be the one to deliver this line, makes me think that he has some unspoken desire to see the rules be changed despite his best efforts to be a model student. This is great, because it provides a decent foundation for his character arc and hidden depths.

TANGENT: I want to highlight a moment in Episode 1 that will be relevant to this rewrite later. Namely, Hermod getting annoyed at Eraqus talking back to Odin. (As I said before, there are several other moments throughout the game where Hermod looks at Eraqus with an annoyed/disapproving look, but I'm only going to mention this one.)

Anyway, on to the actual changes. First off, much like the Urd rewrite, I’m removing the mechanic from Episodes 1-3 that lets you choose your third party member for the cutscenes. Why? It just doesn't make for good writing in this particular case; the dialog has to be at least semi-generic across all the characters in order to make swapping them out easier, and that's simply not conducive to giving the characters unique character traits and individual focus.

Episode 1 is mostly uneventful and focuses more on Urd in my rewrite for her, so let's move on to Episode 2.

Urd is your party member for this episode (for reasons I explained in Urd’s rewrite), and Hermod, Vor, and Bragi are the three party members that get put on trial. And rather than all three of them yielding to the Card Soldiers because they unanimously agreed to not mess with the world order, instead it was HERMOD’S idea specifically. Bragi suggested that they fight back, and since Vor’s bio mentions that she “shies away from battle”, she suggested that they try to run away and evade capture. Hermod points out, however, that the best way to avoid disturbing the order would be to follow the laws of this world and not cause trouble.

Vor and Bragi are hesitant but ultimately decide to trust Hermod’s judgment on the matter, as they tend to rely on him as a big brother figure anyway. This serves to highlight how Hermod will follow the rules and obey authority even when he doesn’t necessarily agree with what’s happening to him or is put in serious danger because of it. Now, none of this happens on-screen of course, because we also didn't see what happened in the base game either, but we'll find out about it after the trial.

Speaking of the trial. When Xehanort, Eraqus, and Urd find the other underclassmen at the court on trial, it is Hermod who is leading the defense. In the base game, either Bragi or Hermod will lead the defense depending on who you picked as your third party member, but since I want the trial plotline to focus more on Hermod, in this rewrite it is only ever Hermod who stands in front and speaks to the Queen of Hearts. (A quick note, if you compare the two different versions of this scene, the one where Hermod leads and the one where Bragi does, Hermod comes across as a bit more apologetic, whereas Bragi puts his foot down more about what he's willing to take responsibility for. Hermod: "Okay, I apologize for trespassing." vs Bragi: "Wait, I'll own up to tresspassing, but that's it.")

Anyway, back to Hermod and the rewrite. At first, he's a bit of a bootlicker, being very polite and trying his best to placate the Queen while also calmly defending himself and his friends. After a while of trying and failing to reason with the Queen however, Hermod loses his patience and explodes at her. He pretty much immediately regrets it and tries to backpedal in a panic, stammering the entire time, but it's too late—that was the last straw for the Queen. Just like in the base game, Xehanort, Eraqus, and Urd recognize the danger and intervene to try and talk the Queen down from executing their friends. The cutscenes then proceed just like they do in the base game, with the Queen demonstrating that her rule is based on her subjects living in fear of her.

After the trial, the discussion the underclassmen have about the darkness in people's hearts being more dangerous than the Heartless still happens, but either before or after it there is a separate (but still interconnected) discussion where Hermod apologies to the others and takes responsibility for his idea to surrender themselves to the Card Soldiers, explaining his reasoning for why he did that. Namely, that as Keyblade wielders, it was their duty to not disrupt the order in any way, and their hands were tied.

Xehanort and the party exchange Knowing glances to indicate that this isn’t uncommon behavior for Hermod (and also that they’re not exactly pleased about how quickly and easily he relented to the Card Soldiers, not putting up much of an argument or fight) but they silently agree to not confront Hermod about it since he had no way of knowing what a farce the trial was going to be. Perhaps letting themselves get captured would have been the correct decision if Wonderland’s court system was actually fair. Instead they assure him that they understand why he thought that not fighting back or running away was the best decision in the moment, but nonetheless he needs to be more careful in the future. Hermod agrees and is genuinely apologetic for putting his friends in danger, but there’s still a hint of irritation in his expression. He still thinks that adamantly refusing to disrupt the order was the inarguably right decision to make; after all, it’s what they were specifically instructed to do by Master Odin. And if there's one thing that Hermod refuses to do, it's break the rules.

Episode 3: Minor Details of Note

Episode 3 isn't a Hermod focused episode in my rewrite, but there are two details from this episode that I find worth mentioning.

Detail 1: Unique dialog from Hermod that won't exist in my rewrite (because I have Vor slotted for Episode 3) but I think says a lot about Hermod: "But the Tweedles didn't seem to be cowering under [The Queen's] rule. They looked happy enough to me." Does Hermod perhaps consider himself "happy enough" with his life, and thus makes no attempts to change or improve his circumstances?

Detail 2: When Eraqus starts getting angry and upset at Xehanort because Xehanort said that the upperclassmen might have been felled by darkness (presumably, a painful reminder of the fate that befell Eraqus' grandfather), Hermod looks sympathetic, puts his hand on Eraqus' shoulder, and tries to calm Eraqus down. Though Hermod is sometimes at odds with Eraqus, he seems to know about what happened to Eraqus' grandfather, and tries to be understanding about it. At the end of the day, they are good friends even if they don't agree on everything.

Episode 5: Further Emphasizing Hermod's Personality and His Dilemma

Canonically, Episode 3 (if you choose Vor to be your party member like the game prompts you to) and Episode 4 are more Vor focused, and in my rewrites Episode 5 is Urd focused, but we can squeeze a couple of minor Hermod moments in Episode 5 to keep things balanced.

Specifically through Cogsworth and the Beast, as people of authority in the castle that Hermod can show respect to.

With Cogsworth, I just imagine Hermod being very polite with him and being more than willing to help him get the rose back, giving him respect as the head of the household.

Same goes for the Beast (in fact, in the base game it is Hermod who speaks/approaches the Beast first, not Urd like you'd expect), but when the Beast tries to viciously attack Hermod despite the underclassmen being very polite and reasonable with him, afterwards Hermod makes a comment about how surprised he is that someone in such a respectable position as lord of the castle would act like that and yet still garner such love and loyalty from his servants. Genuine loyalty, not the fake, fear-based loyalty that the Queen of Hearts commanded back in Episode 2.

"There's still much we don't know about this world and its residents. Perhaps we're missing something important. Or perhaps this world is like Wonderland; it's just the order of things." says Xehanort. "Maybe he's not so bad once you get to know him?" offers Urd.

And like, that's the thing, right. The Beast definitely needs to learn how to treat his servants better, but he lashes out because he's hurting, not out of genuine disdain for them like the Queen of Hearts, and deep down he really does care about his family at the castle even if he doesn't always show it. If Hermod can somehow recognize that that is what's going on, if he can recognize what exactly makes the Queen of Hearts and the Beast different despite their similar temperaments, then he can also realize that "Hey, people who genuinely care about you and your wellbeing probably deserve your loyalty more, and those who don't, don't." (Not that the Beast is a terribly great example of this given his nonetheless inexcusable behavior, but you get the idea.)

I can imagine Hermod starting to realize what conditions are required to birth true loyalty in people's hearts after they return the rose to the Beast, and the party finally sees him in a more calm, grateful state. This could be a discussion that Xehanort, Hermod, and Urd have as they leave the castle, capping off their adventure there.

BUT regardless of whether or not Hermod ends up seeing the hidden humanity of the Beast, once again Hermod is being presented with a wrathful, flawed authority figure wielding power against their subjects in unfair ways, and not yet recognizing how his alarmed and frustrated emotional responses to these scenarios could be applied to his own life and circumstances.

(And, honestly, maybe seeing such extreme examples of anger being wielded carelessly and spitefully against people who don't deserve it would make Hermod re-examine his own anger issues too and learn how to wield/direct his anger more responsibly? I know I said I didn't want his anger to be the focus of this rewrite (especially since anger isn't inherently bad) but the connection that can be drawn here is still a little too juicy to pass up, don't you think. Also, in addition to the Queen of Hearts and the Beast being examples of extreme anger wielded carelessly, there's also Hades to consider, who is known for his own unique brand of fiery, explosive anger as well. Keep him in mind for later.)

Episode 6: Confrontation and Introspection

The next set of major events relevant to Hermod’s development occur in Episode 6. In fact, Episode 6 is like, THE Hermod episode.

Episode 6 starts off with Jafar trying to trick Xehanort, Urd, and Hermod into going to the Cave of Wonders and fetching the lamp for him, lying about how the lamp is crucial to saving the kingdom. In the base game, Hermod is the first one in the group to show sympathy for Jafar and start falling for Jafar’s ruse, to the point that Urd worriedly grabs his hand to stop him when he starts to approach Jafar after overhearing Jafar's "woes".

In this rewrite, I’m taking inspiration from that little interaction and having Hermod be way more trusting of Jafar than Xehanort and Urd are, implicitly respecting Jafar’s authority as the royal vizier. So rather than Xehanort being the one who agrees to help Jafar (because he has suspicions about the lamp and wants access to the Cave of Wonders) with Hermod acting surprised/displeased at Xehanort’s willingness, instead it's Hermod who enthusiastically agrees to help, with Xehanort and Urd acting a little surprised and displeased but nonetheless going along with it (due to the aforementioned "the lamp might be important to our mission actually.")

There's also a moment during this scene where Xehanort and Urd start poking holes in Jafar's sob story and Hermod seems surprised/displeased that they're so rudely questioning Jafar like that, and obviously I'm keeping that in since it exemplifies Hermod's hesitation to question authority.

Afterwards, as the party makes their way down into the Cave of Wonders, Xehanort voices his doubts about Jafar’s intentions. In my rewrite, rather than Hermod instantly trusting Xehanort’s judgment of Jafar’s character, instead I want Hermod to argue with Xehanort about it. Hermod doesn't understand why Xehanort is accusing Jafar of nefarious intentions without any evidence to back it up, especially since Jafar seemed so...NORMAL and COMPASSIONATE compared to the other authority figures they've encountered so far. He's just trying to save his city, is that really so bad? says Hermod.

Xehanort, realizing that "I can feel his greed/darkness tho" doesn't really qualify as hard evidence, but ALSO being kinda fed up with Hermod's inflexibility and compliance up until this point, calls him out on not thinking for himself and just blindly following authority even when they're so CLEARLY suspect. Must I remind you about what happened with the Queen of Hearts, Hermod?

Hermod, shocked and offended at being criticized like that, and also getting defensive at having his Major Character Flaw thrown into his face, scoffs but doesn’t argue the point further. However, he’s still very visibly angry, and short with Xehanort whenever they do happen to exchange words. "Whatever. Let's go find this lamp already and get back to our mission." Or something like that.

It’s only when the party runs into Bragi and Eraqus who reveal that Jafar tasked them with the exact same dangerous mission too without ever mentioning them to Xehanort and company that Hermod is finally convinced that Xehanort had been right all along. Jafar was treating them like disposable pawns and knowingly sending them into a death trap.

He also realizes that he was naive to trust Jafar so easily just because he was a charismatic authority figure. Before, Hermod was presented with the unfortunate reality of some authority figures just being plain cruel and incompetent and careless, but here he learns that they can also be deceitfully charismatic on top of that, and that it's not always going to be obvious when you're being taken advantage of.

He apologizes to Xehanort for (yet again) dragging his friends into danger due to his own personal hang-ups and choosing to trust Jafar, a stranger, over Xehanort, his close friend. Feeling the need to explain himself, he confesses that lately, he has felt like he has had no control over his life (perhaps with the implication that his family is really strict and expect way too much from him?), and the only way he knew how to cope with that was to assume that the authority figures controlling every aspect of his life were trustworthy, knew what they were doing, and had his best interests in mind. If he believed that with all his heart, then he could accept his lack of freedom to make his own choices, and be content with it. Xehanort, realizing that he was overly harsh on Hermod earlier, apologies as well.

TANGENT: Once again, I wish to highlight a moment from the base game that will be relevant later. Namely, Hermod and Eraqus starting to act more and more like each other.

Moving on: In addition to Vidar trying to recruit Eraqus in the lamp room, I want Vidar to try to recruit Hermod as well, because there's an awfully convenient similarity between the two of them that's relevant here. In that very scene, Vidar talks about how he and his friends heeding what they were taught (i.e. “don’t mess with the order no matter what”) is what resulted in four of them dying in the first place. Vidar had to learn the hard way what happens when you blindly follow the rules without considering your own opinions on what the right thing to do is. This lesson is absolutely what Hermod needs to learn, too. Perhaps Vidar’s entreaty isn’t enough to convince Hermod to join him, but in conjunction with the Wonderland fiasco and Jafar’s deceit from earlier, it’s certainly enough to make Hermod start re-evaluating himself. 

Specifically, I can imagine this theoretical Vidar and Hermod interaction slotting somewhere after Hermod's canon line "...upsetting each world's order is the worst thing you could do." (Is it? Perhaps Hermod will change his mind about this very soon...) Maybe it goes something like this (my added dialog in italics):

"I don't have a clue about true darkness and how much of a threat it is, but upsetting each world's order is the worst thing you could do." says Hermod, angrily. "'Don't upset the order,' huh? That's what we were taught, too." [Upperclassmen classroom flashback, followed by Vidar explaining that the other upperclassmen are dead, just like in the base game.] "And what about you, Hermod?" "Huh?" Hermod's anger gives way to confusion. "How has 'upholding the order' treated you and your friends so far? In Wonderland, and here in Agrabah?" (<-knowledge he got from spying on them.) "..." "If there's one thing I've learned from all of this, it's that you can't let darkness have its way. Not ever. Otherwise, it'll take away everything you care about the moment you give it the chance. If you wish to protect your friends...then you must fight it. So why not join me, and fight it?"

Hermod, much like Eraqus, refuses Vidar's offer, being worried about what might happen to the worlds if Vidar continues to steal the items of world order. But now he has something to mull over.

Episode 7: Realization and Resolve

Episode 7 is where Hermod's arc concludes (naturally, since he dies here.)

A couple of canon moments from this episode I want to highlight before we get to my changes, since I think they're important to Hermod's arc:

In the scene where Odin and the underclassmen discuss Vidar's plans to purge true darkness, Odin says to Hermod and the underclassmen "However, it has not yet been determined that what we face now is true darkness. And if it is indeed so, will you risk the lives of countless others to save your friends?" A question that we will actually get an answer to quite soon.

After Odin relieves the underclassmen from their duty, Hermod despairs over this fact and acts like there's nothing they can do about it since Odin's word is absolute. We see his anger and frustration spill out due to his conflicting feelings on the matter. He seems to be at a crossroads, unsure of what the best thing to do is. You get the impression that he is on the cusp of doing something uncharacteristic of him.

Anyway, Episode 7 remains mostly the same up until the Hades boss fight that occurs due to Hades claiming to have imprisoned Bragi or Baldr. Hermod, after much internal conflict, finally decides to break the rules and agrees to fight the literal GOD of the Underworld (you could not have asked for a more fitting ending to Hermod's arc than that) in order to save his friends, wielding his anger compassionately and strategically to protect what's most important to him. This acts as a bookend to the Wonderland episode; there, Hermod’s refusal to fight an authority figure nearly got him and his friends executed, but here he’s finally realized that he needs to follow his heart and do what he thinks is right, even if that means disregarding his orders or disobeying those in power. He nearly got his friends killed last time; he won’t let that happen again.

However, instead of Hermod showing up after the Hades boss fight, I want him to show up before it and actually be involved in the battle. And since Eraqus and Hermod are usually at odds with each other due to Eraqus’s flippant and disrespectful attitude towards authority, I think it would be very emblematic of Hermod’s change of heart for him to protect Eraqus in the battle. (Remember those canon Eraqus and Hermod moments I highlighted? This is where they finally pay off. This moment of Hermod putting himself in danger to save Eraqus works without me having to add any extra details to lead up to it. Nice.) So at one point Hades gets very close to offing Eraqus. but Hermod jumps in front of him just in time to fend Hades off, getting seriously injured in the process. 

So later in the dark corridor when Hermod starts passing out way before Urd does, it’s specifically because of the extra wounds he sustained in the fight, adding another layer of tragedy to his death. He stood up for his friends and what he believed was right, discarding his strict adherence to the rules and disrupting the order in the process, but the ironic cost of that choice was that he was too hurt/exhausted to properly protect Urd and himself from Baldr. He did his best, and realized his error in time, but unfortunately that just wasn’t enough. This game is a tragedy where nothing goes right despite how hard the characters try to change for the better, after all.

And that's my pitch. As before, if you have any ideas, feedback, or criticisms, feel free to add on. Thanks for reading to the end.

[anonymousredactedconfessions]

Sorry if this is long, but I just want to get this off my chest in a space where people realise that despite the love you can have for this world and its characters, there’s things you can also be unhappy with and just need to vent about.

I’ve been a fan of Erik’s stuff for years, and at first it was lovely dovey boyfriend roleplay with a little plot, and then grew into something more. Something deeper with lore and plot and complexities. Now it feels like it’s reverted back to simple boyfriend roleplay. And if that’s all Erik has the motivation for right now, fair enough. But I just feel like the videos are so half-hearted these days. Like this channel is an afterthought for him.

Now I understand that he’s probably got a lot going on in his life, as he’s hinted at before, but I would rather get less videos where he gets to spend more time on creating the complex stories we love rather than churning out half-hearted content that I’m losing interest in.

Erik is the first YouTube creator whose patreon I signed up for to support him, as I genuinely liked everything he was doing, but this past year or so it feels like things are lacking. The characters feel 2D. It’s all fluff and barely any angst or serious conversations/action/drama. The listener characters feel like empty shells with no goals of their own (with the exception of a few), there’s not much happening in a lot of the popular characters’ lives, yet people keep voting for them (David, Milo, Asher, Gavin, Guy etc) in polls and we get the same videos over and over instead of giving attention to the more complex (and arguably more interesting at this point in time) characters like Anton, James, Aaron, Elliot, Geordi, Morgan, Hush, etc.

Everything just feels so fluffy and samey - and I could get that from any other boyfriend role play channel. I miss the interwoven plot lines and drama. Where couples had their conflicts and worked through things together. Now every relationship feels too perfect.

I’m sticking around because I hope that when Erik has more time and things calm down for him that the videos will improve. To me, they’re not what they used to be, and I miss Erik’s videos from the early days of the channel. Every so often a video will drop and it’ll instantly pull me back in because it was so well written and kept me engaged with the story and characters, but those videos are few and far between these days 😔

.

[yellow-yarrow]

I didn't finish Carol vs The World because it lost me with how we never get to see Carol question why she finds comfort in a deeply pointless job or address what that means. I wanted to like the show because it has a middle aged cast of characters that look realistically ordinary too.

I watched like 3 episodes and then went and read the synopsis of the other episodes, watched a video summarizing the season and read reviews.

I really liked the character and background design, the characters themselves are okay, but I can't get past the world building or the weird takeaway it has.

I can't say this any other way: I think the creators of this show can't imagine how people would exist outside of capitalism. Characters have two choices: to live the rest of their life in an individualistic hedonistic way, or to continue with their boring jobs. This is not different at all from how people in capitalism live. It makes me feel like the writers think people do these boring jobs because they find comfort in them, or that they don't know what they want from life, and they need a "distraction" from that. (I can imagine that there are people who are content with doing a job like this, but not for these reasons) I feel like writers often use this trope condescendingly. People don't do boring office jobs because they lack motivation and fantasy, it's because they need money to live and most jobs suck.

I think Carol's problem is not that she is a simple person who doesn't want much, but that she is lonely. And the show does say that in the end it's the bond between people that is important, and to enjoy everyday little moments, but if instead of idk, Carol talking to her neighbors they make a point out of showing that these characters enjoy doing pointless work for a faceless corporation. If the job supposed to symbolize a simpler life, well. i don't like that

there could have been some kind of critique of society here! but instead the show goes "if you are depressed and you don't find fulfillment in superficial hedonism that you are told you should enjoy, the alternative is that you can do pointless tasks while becoming friends with your coworkers :)" like what. sure i'll happily slave away my life for a corporation, not even knowing why, and i'll be happy about it. I don't think the idea that work could be fulfilling, for example that they could be doing something for other people's comfort or happiness ever comes up. most characters including Carol act selfishly. why did she fail to find friends up until the point of working in that office. i think this show is fake deep. sorry for the rant I just feel like there is wasted potential here

[fumifooms]

to you, what’s Chilchuck’s mbti type? if you check Personality Database, you’ll see there’s a never ending debate on it. If you don’t know much about cognitive functions, it’s a very interesting tool for analysing characters. I highly suggest checking mbti-notes’ blog

Ehhh I'm not invested in MBTI whatsoever anymore tbh. Like I'm an intp and even now after having had some mbti phases I still don't have a good grasp on it. I'd say estj? estp? But there are like so many layers to this- What I've actually started doing personality type for character analysis though is enneagrams!! Enneagram personality types center around the core fear and the core desire of the person. Which, already, a fear and a desire being fundamentally interwoven how cool and raw is that. Figuring out an enneagram tritype is to know what drives them in their decision making. The thing that's hard esp with Chilchuck and mbti is that he's a much more easygoing guy off work, he's extroverted he just has bad experiences opening up so he's always just throwing jokes and jabs instead, he's a pretty stubborn guy that relies on his gut like his reasons for ot eating a fishman is "because." and his reasons for racism is much the same BUT he's also a pretty by-the-book type when it comes to laws and rules and just, doing his job well and ensuring everyone stays alive- there are straining circumstances that make whether he's an extrovert or not or a thinking or a sensing type etc harder to cleanly say because he's both, in a way. Enneagrams are really really nice and cool because it allows for more nuance imo, it's more cause-and-effect I feel. Like, it IS hard to determine if say Chilchuck is more J or P, even more S or N etc etc but you know what's pretty easy to figure out when you lay it out? Chilchuck's a 6w7.

Sixes seek stability- They want security and support and fear the lack of it. And his wing is 7 which is the more free spirit type very into the present party animal, the fear of being deprived & in pain the desire to be satisfied and content, which is PERFECT because that's what Chilchuck is y'know- he loves alcohol even if it's bad for him he just wants simple pleasures and eyecandy and he doesn't like thinking through things, everything is so stressful, but even though he's a very guts type of person he prioritizes rules and laws all the time- why? Because of trauma. Because he knows nothing's more important than having stable finances and a home and food and a peaceful life- even if he wishes he didn't have to hold back and be constrained to a shitty system so much. Like there's sooo much I could say here that isn't "well he's 54% sensing and 46% intuition so he's balanced but also this is in these situations and those in that". AND THEN ENTERS THE TRITYPE, THE MIGHTIEST TOOL!!! A Tritype has layers of motivations and psychology ok. Because here already we can say, he's a 7 but trauma and circumstances made him a 6. But with a tritype? Chil's a 638. His goal is stability and to do that he wants to be hypercompetent and distrusts everyone.

5-6-7 are a head type, or yout thinking center, it's how you judge the world sort of? How you see it, your relationship with it. 5s are very inward and 7s are very outward, living within themselves or outside themselves, 5s study a lot about the world to think through stuff while 7s want to be out there experiencing and sensing- which in turn points to their flaws too, 7s often have trouble self-reflecting and sort of try to escape being with themselves so to speak, while 5s have trouble getting out into the world and socialize n shit. 6 is the middle ground of head types because it goes both inward and outward at once, it's more balanced, Chilchuck in an ideal world, in his youth, is more of a 7 but he learns with his 8 distrust that he needs to be more 3 and rely on himself more and think things through more than just diving headfirst into things.

2-3-4 are the heart type, the feeling center, and that's your relationship which yourself- not on what criteria you judge the world like before but on what criteria do you just yourself? Your own worth? 2 is outward and 4 is inward, 4 has a big focus on forging yourself an identity and being authentic in that and that's where you get your self-worth from, meanwhile 2s are all about others- your worth is the one perceived by others, it's if you're loved or not. Again 3 is that mix where it's not just external validation or internal validation but a mix of both, it's the desire to be valuable, successful and capable. It's being very achievement-based. Being a 6 cools him a little in that it keeps the overly ambitious and reckless ideas in check, but there's how Chilchuck moved from his town to Kahka Brud the city of opportunities when he was younger, how he wants to become a merchant like with his store yes but more ambitiously like with the giant frogs extra, there's how he's always telling the party how professional and capable he is while insulting his virtues and strenght of the character, so def not a 2 lol. He's actively pushing others away and only relies on the knowledge he's good at his job to feel good about himself-

Which would be because of his gut type, or action center, for which the option are 8-9-1. How do you judge others, how do you see them, what's your approach to them? 1 are inward because it's all about your morality code and how well others conform to it, the judgement comes from inward and often is targeted inward too, 1s are very self-critical, it's very rigid, meanwhile for a lack of a better way to describe it 8 is the hypervigilance type lol, it's the ptsd type it's the "don't trust others" type, the attention is always thrown outward, the judgement is from outward because it comes from experiences and it is thrown outward at others. It's the fear of being harmed or controlled and the desire to have control over your own life and be protected.

So see how it all works out?!! the order of the types in a tritype are also important, the first it comes then the more important it is to you. Chilchuck is a 638, because 6 is stability and that's his goal, that's what he wants most that's what in his mind is the solution to his problems- and why? Because 8, because the fear of being harmed or controlled from his experience being seen as an inconsequential life, a bait a sacrifice, and from his living in poverty. It informs in what way he's a 6- and what of 3 then? 3 is both the way he'll achieve 6 and the way he shields himself from his 8 fear. You can trust no one? Be self-reliant. People are trying to take advantage of you? Be smarter. How are you going to achieve 3? By being capable, a hardworking that achieves things. His desire is for a life in which he's stable and safe, and for that he sees the world as his enemy that he can't rely on and instead becomes very focused on himself and his own achievements. He does a fair share of both observation and thinking in how he judges the world & life and similarly relies on a mix of external validation through achievement and recognition from peers and internal self-worth for how he visualizes himself, but is very outward in his judgement of others similarly. This is the real brief version of it gdhbc hopefully you get the idea though

And enneagrams has a lot of documentation and even more interwoven shit that gets crazy intricate and somehow accurate and I am noooot well versed in all that my friend is way better versed lol. Like there's a thing about how when stressee a type falls into another type and when they grow on their flaws they adopt some values/lessons from another type and like. Hmmm this rings a bell!!

Tritypes are a very layered but rewarding approach to character analysis where everything ends up connected and explained by one thing or another- and it's a lot about pinning down what drives a character most, and you know who that's pretty hard to decisively figure that about? Laios. Who do I have an enneagram tritype character analysis in the works for? You guessed it hehehe

If curious, my other picks for characters' enneagrams currently are: Laios 478 (I am confident and I will explain myself IN DETAIL don't you worry), kabru 163, Benichidori 8w9, Hien 3w4? 🤔 Falin's the most 9 in the world and Toshiro is very 1 and 9 both but my final say'd be 9w1 I think. Falin 926 I'd say bc stability is important to her but moreso because of her loved ones, she wants her loved ones to be stable bc she wants their love and aaaaa. Marcille very 531 but 2 fits her a lot too- it's similar to Chil's 6w7 where the 6 is to shield the 7 I feel haha. Her motivation is to be loved and all she need her external validation but it's very achievement and capability based. Seeee though Marcille and Chil they're opposed in the gut center and a bit head centre with how they see the world with Chilchuck being more 7 leaning and Marcille not being realist enough bc she's too inward, but as coworkers they bonded and paired off a lot bc they have that similar 3 to them, their enneagrams help frame their arc of where their flaws were and complimented. Senshi's a big 7 to meee but a little 7w6 actually 🤔? I dunno it can be hard to pick, since there are opposite types you really have to make big choices on what behavior comes from where and judge if the cause and behavior is more one type or the other and sheeesh, haha.

Enneagrams and tritypes are a masterclass in how your desires shape you and that's sooo Dungeon Meshi.

[crimsonfluidessence]

Prompt 25: Perpetuity

Content Warning: Child abuse, psychological horror, dehumanization, torture

As a being of order, Esredes detested the chaos that swirled within him, and the world around him. The world, above all else, needed to make sense. There had to be reasons for why things happened, rules to follow, there had to be order. Chaos was bad. It consumed everything around it and left nothing in its wake. Chaos was the enemy, and it always would be. This had been taught to him as a teenager, and it had been his philosophy since. Adhere to and create order where there was none. But sometimes, this presented a problem. The Star operated on absolute laws. One of those was that evil existed, couldn't be reasoned with, and had no recourse but to eliminate it. Esredes had no need to question this, of course, not for a very long time. A knight did his duty, and a harrier defended himself. But then came inklings, clues, hints, teases of the absolute laws of the universe being broken. And they came in the form of the dark rooms.

Whether at the camp, or now at the Tribunal, or when talking to an Inquisitor or similar nonhuman entity, Esredes couldn't help but observe patterns of behavior, as he always did. And in doing so, questions came to mind. Pure evil existed. He knew this for a fact from his work. There were many entities- those that pretended to be human- which were plain and indisputably malicious. He tried, time and time again, to understand if there was a deeper motivation. Why did you abuse your son for years on end because you didn't want him? The little shit owed him. Why did you betray my people? How did that stop corruption? The answers were contradictory and nonsensical, until they finally landed on 'I have a compulsion to hurt people'. And of course, one of his favorites: Your people are dirt compared to my family. The Church told me to do it.

Absolute evil could not be negotiated with. Absolute evil had no true thoughts, feelings, or motives. It simply manifested in and took hold of a shell of an organic body through which it could do it work. Esredes wondered, sometimes, if evil was not an individual phenomenon, and instead these creatures all were part of a collective, a collective and parasitic force that manifested in the consciousness of human bodies at random. If he tried to start talking directly to it, and not the shell it was inhabiting, would it finally drop the game and laugh at him, realizing he figured out something no one else had?

The more Esredes observed the same rules happening over and over again, the more he spotted the little cracks. And in there, as he always did, he tried to burrow. There was a phenomenon that every manifestation of evil, no matter how vile, shared. If you applied pressure long enough to their lack of morality, there would be a moment where they snapped, and began to claim to feel remorse. But the moment you left them alone, this moment of clarity vanished forever, and they reverted back to normal. An Inquisitor told him the moment of clarity was fake, plain and simple. It was a defense mechanism to get the pain to stop. And of course, that would be the simple explanation, but it left something to ponder.

These creatures were not intelligent. They were barely sentient above an animal at times. They did not have the sense of mind to cower and avoid pain, no, they egged him on to cut into them, whether with words or a knife, over and over again. Why, then, did they suddenly have the presence of mind to try? It didn't feel natural, or organic. It felt like something else beyond them was taking over, and in that laid his fascination. The Azure Dragoon had been the most interesting failure so far- Alvere, of course, remained his only success, but Alvere was still human to a degree, more around his level. It was easier to extract evil when there was a person inside, even an incomplete one like himself. But the Azure Dragoon to take up the mantle after Estinien retired had nothing inside him. Once his mask broke, he was a dull, grey nothing that stared back at you. Esredes had kidnapped him and contained him in the camp's basement room for answers from the abomination that had killed fifty of his people with no remorse. What made him interesting is he was not alone. A voidsent had fused with him back during the Final Days, but this voidsent had a conscience while he did not. The voidsent was reasonable, and polite- naive, even, and offered his assistance in the current conundrum. It said it could try to reawaken old memories, and force the Dragoon to have a conscience. And indeed, what Esredes witnessed was a forced, extended moment of clarity. For a while the Dragoon began to emote like an actual person who can feel guilt. He screamed, he cried, he told Esredes to keep hurting him, to which he didn't need to tell him twice. But while it was forcefully prolonged, even this didn't last. Eventually, he settled back into apathy, and nothing spurred him any more. The most progress Esredes made was getting him to agree to not kill them again. It was a dead end, but one with promise. The memories made him begin to mimic human behavior again. Did that mean that even in a host where evil was completely taken over, in a defective being born only for malevolence, there was some kind of left in good instinct that didn't work properly? And if so, did that mean memory magic was the key? The key to breaking an absolute law of the universe. The key to changing the way human nature worked. The mere tease of it was too much for Esredes to resist. He was no Sharlayan Academic, he was the wrong kind of person to do something as big as figure out a way to cure or combat evil itself- but what if he had simply stumbled across something no one else had tried before, with this unnatural circumstance of a voidsent fused to a host?

Maybe there was another way. Maybe there was a true way to combat evil besides simply disposing of it, and leaving it to reform in another host like a voidsent. Maybe evil was his new nemesis, and he would find a way to strike back at it for all it did to take everything from him.

Evil was a permanent presence, and he was sick of it. If there was even a chance of shifting the balance, he would take it. For the good of the Star. For her. For himself.

[beanghostprincess]

Wait ur writing a book?? Whats it about?😳

Omg,,, You wanna know about my book? 👉🏻👈🏻 Blushing giggling kicking my feet,,,,

The story seems a bit depressing but please hear me out 🙏🏻 It gets better-- I promise-- (TW for mentions of suicide attempts and poor mental health but it's not explicit in here at all).

It's the story of a literature professor (Ophelia) whose dream of being a writer gets sidelined because she rarely has the motivation and inspiration to create something she feels content with. So most of her works never see the light of day and instead, she focuses on her job (which means the world to her since she believes teaching others is the core of humanity and working together to understand each other, the past, and literature better is what will improve people's empathy and bonds with each other. She's a bit of an idealistic person tbh). Despite what this might look like, she's pretty much satisfied with her life and doesn't have the need to share those stories with anyone. She might seem a bit cold and stoic at first because of her lack of exaggerated expressions, but she couldn't be more in sync with what other people are feeling since observing others and getting inspiration from real people is what makes her write (she's pretty much introverted and has issues making stable friendships since everyone believes she's a bit boring, so, therefore, the lack of actual inspiration and exciting experiences for her books. She expresses her overwhelming feelings with writing more than she does face to face). Now, a wave of sudden inspiration and creativity comes from meeting her new neighbor (literally in the door next to hers), Ayleen. She gets captivated by her entirely to the point of turning everything she writes about her and the idea she has of her. This is when her own morality gets questioned because Ayleen seems in need of help and Ophelia won't stop asking herself what she should do. Ayleen is noticeably depressed and lonely and without anyone to rely on around her. The only things Ophelia knows about her neighbor are the glimpses she has of her every now and then. Like her expensive clothing, but obviously unhealthy choices of food and awful, awful physical state, and her suspicious behavior. The thing is-- Ophelia starts learning more about her on her own, gets even more infatuated with her, won't stop writing, and starts asking herself if she should help someone who clearly doesn't want to be helped although being miserable. Ophelia isn't quite sure if it's her own selfish need to save someone, or her also selfish need to be closer to her and write. Maybe it's a simple act of kindness and worry for somebody else. Perhaps it's both. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what happens, as long as she saves her (because romanticizing the idea she has of her to turn it into words is starting to make her feel a bit like a shitty person, even if she does believe Ayleen was somehow meant to be turned into art). I'd give more context for Ayleen but the whole point is learning about her through Ophelia's eyes-- Even though, I will tell you her whole story focuses on somebody who has issues understanding the world around her and why people do what they do (since most of her decisions are made because she sees the world in a black/white way) and because of that (and more stuff) her feeling of emptiness keeps growing to the point of not desiring to keep living and waiting for death to come. She believes she doesn't have a purpose anyway, and even though she's aware of what the point of living should be, she finds it rather boring. The whole thing about how boredom kills you? Yeah, that's just Ayleen but taking it to extremes.

Long story short, (and this is not a spoiler because it's barely the first chapter) Ophelia manages to convince Ayleen not to kill herself one night, and Ayleen gets equally as captivated by her (like, extremely. She finds Ophelia to be the most interesting thing she has ever laid her eyes on and it gets her so excited and happy to actually meet her. It's like she's the one who'll offer Ayleen the answers she's been looking for). Since that moment, they sort of start living together? Kind of? Ayleen finds out about the writing and is thrilled she now has something to live for. A purpose. It's not really about feeling desired as it is about finding something that makes her life worth living. And if being Ophelia's muse makes her happy, Ophelia is equally thrilled to write about her (now with less guilt and a whole more love and care since their love keeps growing and turning into something healthier that helps both of them feel more satisfied with their lives). So, TLTR: It's a story about a writer who's aware of her own unhealthy empathy and need to help others but starts questioning her morals and selfishness at the same time she discovers what falling for her muse feels like (or perhaps it's not love, but just what art makes her feel... That's a whole mess for her). While her muse desires to live only through words and Ophelia starts picturing eternity with her outside the little book thing they've got going on-- At the same time, Ayleen finds a purpose and something that makes her satisfied with being alive, and since she's equally as enamored by Ophelia, she is more than happy to learn how to love the things around her and see them in different angles thanks to her.

Yes, this is romance, but it's more of a story about how love might not be enough to save someone who's hurting, but it can make their time alive a happier experience. It's about crossing the line between art and love. It's about how an act of kindness can be selfish and it's not necessarily a bad thing. It's about not caring how you live your life as long as you're satisfied with it. It's about how some might need to find a purpose to live, and others might see life's purpose as just living. It's a love story about falling for what is considered art, or perhaps turning what love is into art. It's about loving being loved but ending up seeing through that person's eyes how there's so much more. It's about how living doesn't necessarily end with death. This is a story about a girl who gets over her dreams and morals to love the person who has turned into both of those things for her, and a girl who couldn't understand living starting to love doing so through someone else's words.

(and yes, it is a bit unhealthy at some points but my girlies are morally gray and have issues™ so they should be allowed to do whatever they want cuz they're my sweetie pies).

At first, I was planning on turning this Sanuso fantasy fanfic I wrote into an actual book. The whole story means the world to me and I actually already have the characters and more plot about them that has absolutely nothing to do with the fic. At this point, this is already a whole different thing-- HOWEVER! Since this would be my first original project, and fantasy settings are a lot of world-building (in both places and magic and creatures etc etc etc) and I'm not that used to reading this genre, I've decided to put that project aside until I'm more experienced to actually do it properly.

But then I remembered THIS idea I had and I just NEEDED to put it into words since it's easier for me to do it as my first project <3

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING ME ABOUT MY BOOK BTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I haven't written much yet and I'm still working on building the characters better (I'm a perfectionist when it comes to that) but!!!!!!!! I'm so so so so excited and happy you did!!!!!!! I never get to talk about my ideas online and I think it's the first time I post stuff about my OCs and my story here,,,, If you wanna know more please please ask!!!! But be warned, because I will NOT shut up! <3