#because of some preconceived notion about how if you feel bad reading a book then something is Wrong

[eruscreaminginthedistance]

Like I joined an LGBTQ book club at the library and half the people there under 50 said that they mostly read YA, that Alice Oseman is their fave etc etc

Some lady said that she hated The Mercies, a very poignant and well-written historical drama, because it didn't have a happy ending and that it ruins the book (it doesn't)

Like, I genuinely think Giovanni's Room could kill them

Not to be an edgy "TikTok is ruining people's brains" tumblrina but it's actually wild to see the "I only read YA" crowd out in the real world

Like they're not just some psyop for Big Publisher they're real and their opinions are real

[shootingstars-or-airplanes]

Book Review: Infinity Alchemist

I've decided I'm going to start reviewing books on here. Mostly because I like to get my thoughts down when I finish a book but also partly because it's my blog and nobody can tell me no. So here's my first one on the first book I finished this year: Infinity Alchemist my Kacen Callender.

Ok so the first part of my review is gonna be my overall thoughts, a TL;DR, and the rating out of 5 stars, and then under the cut will be some more detailed comments that contain spoilers. Ok? Cool! Let's go!

So I initially picked this book up because it has a cool cover (yes I judge books by their covers. That is literally how I choose 90% of the books I'm gonna read.) and the design was interesting but I was really intrigued looking at the summary that it was a YA fantasy featuring an entirely queer POC main cast. You really don't see that nearly often enough so I jumped on it.

Pros: - The worldbuilding is really cool. There were a few parts where I felt like I wished I had a bit more context for things, but for the most part, the world is present and extremely immersive, down to the common phrases the characters use. - I really liked Ash as a protagonist. I think he had a lot of potential. I had my qualms with him, I'll put those in the cons section, but overall, I think he was a pretty great protag to follow. - The descriptions of magic (Alchemy) are really immersive. I think Callender does a really good job of showing how it feels to use alchemy and what it looks like to the outside observer. All the intricacies of the magic system and how different people relate to it were also really well done. - Really cute happy ending that makes sense for the story.

Cons: - I felt like the romantic side plot was a bit rushed. I'll go into more detail in the spoilers section, but it felt a bit unnatural at points. Some of it had an explanation that made sense in universe, some of it didn't. - I feel like all of the characters could have been just a little more three dimensional. They all had their backstories and motivations which clearly drove their actions, but it didn't really seem like the events of the story impacted those motivations all that much (except for maybe Callum). I could be misremembering because I finished this book a few weeks ago but I definitely remember feeling like there was more growth that could be happening with them.

TL;DR - It's a pretty good YA fantasy with a diverse cast set in a cool world with an interesting magic system. There are some character aspects that I wish were fleshed out more, but overall it was an enjoyable read.

Rating: ⭐3.5/5

SPOILER WARNING

Ok for this part I just really wanna talk about the relationship stuff that irked me. But first lets celebrate something:

Someone finally fixed a love triangle with polyamory!!!

We love to see it. But speaking of polyamory...

We had a decent in world explanation for why Ash and Ramsay got so close so quick. They were literally like, melding their souls to reach the higher realms so it makes sense that their emotional connection would have a bit of a jumpstart.

HOWEVER! Ash and Callum seemed to get together really fast. And I find that a little believable on Ash's part I guess because he had preconceived notions about this guy and it turns out he's just a big teddy bear with abs so like yeah ok makes a little sense, but I feel like Callum fell for him really quickly with seemingly nothing pulling him in that direction. It just felt like the feelings were reciprocated for convenience.

I was also a little skeptical about how quickly Ramsay forgave Callum. I'll admit, while I was reading, I was literally begging for them to make up because the angst was bothering the fuck out of me (not a bad thing narratively. A good story should be able to get under your skin a little.) but I feel like the angst was heavy one moment gone the next. Again, I could be misremembering. I wish I wrote this review when I first finished the book, but alas, I only thought to do it now.

Still, overall I thought the book was enjoyable and the little things that bothered me weren't enough to take away from my ability to enjoy the story. I would definitely recommend this read to people who are fans of YA fantasy and queer stories.

[fratricideknight]

i'm sorry to rant about the angels in spn again (see original thread here - i'm tired of me, too, for the record) but i feel i made some concessions in that thread which i shouldn’t have, because people made some really good points and i kind of got side-tracked from my original point. once again, feel free to give me your thoughts, whether you agree or disagree. i finally learned how to add cuts, so click to read more :D

one of the reasons i love season 1 so much is because, in my opinion, it is the closest approximation to what spn was supposed to be. scrambled urban legends which our heroes have to untangle (e.g. Bloody Mary and the many myths around her) and uncertain folklore. take the episodes 'Phantom Traveler' and 'Skin', for example. in the former, demons are said to come in many different forms and this particular one to function like the initiator of a natural disaster which has adapted to the times. you're "wide open to demonic possession" if you're emotionally distressed, rather than just anyone being possessed. so cool!! the latter is a spin on the well-known idea of shapeshifters. the audience knows generally what to expect, but spn establishes its own unique, awesome lore. shapeshifters literally SHED THEIR SKIN, they don't just look like their target they become them, they need to keep their target alive for a psychic connection so they can download their thoughts and memories. so damn cool fr. even 'Bugs', a "bad" episode (spoiler alert: it's really not), had the super cool concept of curses tied to the land which the boys can't break, almost like the natural disasters of the supernatural world, which the two random guys we call our protagonists are not equipped to deal with. even by season 2, some of this has been lost. rather than establishing unique lore, the monster of the week episodes become more about using the same old lore in different and fun ways. e.g. sam and dean hunt a ghost while in prison, they investigate ghosts which are being controlled on a movie set. even when they introduce new monsters (djinn, zombies, the trickster, people infected with the croatoan virus, werewolves), they're used more for story purposes and we don't really learn all that much about them. the exception i guess would be the crossroads deals, which warranted explaining since john sold his soul for dean and dean would later do the same for sam. using lore in creative ways is very much a good thing, but these episodes rarely build much on the lore itself, just put the characters in unique situations; again, that's a good thing, but you can do both! more of season 2 goes towards plot episodes - and i'm not complaining, the plot is awesome! but i wish they kept the season 1 lore stuff up. it makes me think of that post which says "what is lore in supernatural if not just any book sam reads" and yeah. just yeah. bring back tulpas and friends!

now for how this ties into the angels: as per the original thread, they could have been super creepy! they were certainly not used to their full potential in the horror department. however, i will reiterate my opinion: they do not work with the original idea of spn. adding them turned it into a different show. even if they're made to be creepy and straight-up evil, there is baggage which will inevitably be dragged into the show with their inclusion. who in the world doesn't know at least a little about and have preconceived notions of angels? not many people, and most of those people would not be watching spn. the same could be said of ghosts and demons, but there is a religious baggage inherent to angels which cannot be avoided. even demons can be somewhat separated from their religious roots, especially if they turn out to not be demons at all (theory here). and, like i said, the show and its characters were not supposed to deal with religion beyond the spectre of it, sam having faith and dean not. their (lack of) faith informed their decisions, but neither of them were wrong or right in their beliefs, just at odds. the world should have felt claustrophobic while also being too intricate to fully understand and retaining a sense of mystery, and season 1 achieved this the best with some of the most complex and interesting lore in the show and the small stakes and small scale. get the cosmic beings out of my face, eric; no you cannot have angels if they just turn out to be dicks! i know better than you and i am gnawing on your bones.

[canonslut]

hey this might be kinda weird and I totally understand if you don’t want to answer but earlier this year you made a post about “embrace your sexual nature” and “seeing yourself as a sexual being” I have a really hard time on that, do you have anything that helped you on the journey? Very sorry if that’s too personal!!

i would love love love to answer!!!

anon, it is not weird and it is not too personal! i genuinely think that open and candid conversations like this is one of the reasons why i do feel more comfortable seeing myself as a sexual being and embracing my sexuality now!!! so i'm happy to share, for both you and me!!!

(putting this under a cut because it got a little long, i'm sorry!!!)

for a long time, there was a bit of a disconnect between me and my sexuality. and i think there were a couple reasons for that, but ultimately it led to me thinking of sex as a bit of an abstract notion. something for other people but not for me. never for me. which led to a lot of repression. and it's hard to jump from repressing it to embracing it, so i had to find something in the middle!

and the thing in the middle, for me, was finding some semblance of comfortability and neutrality with it. i grew up in a christian household so i grew up with a lot of preconceived ideas about sex, some good, some bad, and i needed to start over. so i started reading about it, i started writing about it, i started talking about it. from an objective standpoint! not about if it was good or bad, just about what it is. i read a few books about sexuality, i started writing down little things that i found out. and that really helped! it took a lot of the mystery out of it, which in turn made it less intimidating. sex wasn't this scary and confusing thing. it was just a thing.

and from there! i was able to explore my own relationship to it! what were my own feelings about it? there's no right or wrong and there's no bad or good, just how you feel. maybe it's excitement. curiosity. indifference. disgust. a combination, or something else entirely. was it important to me, did i want it? i decided that yes, it was and i did. but your answer might be different! and that's totally okay!

then i started to explore what i liked and what i didn't like! what turned me on and what turned me off! what i'd be willing to try and what was an absolute hard no! and i did this both on my own and with someone i trusted, so you can do it in whatever way feels comfortable with you!

i started with fan fiction and erotic books. that can be a really good place to start because it's relatively low risk. if you read something you like, you can take that with you. and if you read something you don't like, you can just keep scrolling and remember that for future reference.

and then i explored my own body! both sexually and non-sexually. it can be really empowering just to know how you like to be touched and how you don't like to be touched, regardless of if that leads to an orgasm or not. i love to caress my breasts and stomach and i love to rub my shoulders! and when it comes to sexually, i'm more of an external stimulation girly!

and when it came to exploring with someone i trusted, it didn't even involve us actually having sex! it just involved us talking about it! he and i created a safe environment where we were able to ask each other questions about our thoughts and feelings, our experiences. we were able to bounce things off of each other and consider things we hadn't before. and it was extremely empowering!

and in all of this, i began to bridge the disconnect i had between myself and my sexuality. i began to understand what sexuality meant for me personally and i began to realize that it was another facet of my identity that i wanted to express. and that i had the freedom to do that however i wanted! it didn't even need to involve having sex! i'm a virgin at 25 and i love sex; it is not mutually exclusive.

ultimately, i think the most important thing is to allow yourself room. give yourself space to sit with your feelings and give yourself time to grow comfortable with sexuality on its own. know that your relationship to sex and sexuality is unique to you, it is yours and yours alone. even if you decide to share it with someone. it can be a big deal, it can be a small deal, it can be nothing. you can wait until marriage and you can have casual sex. you can decide which acts of sexual intimacy you want to participate in and which ones you don't. you can be open about it, you can keep it to yourself. you can write it off entirely, you can come back to it whenever you want.

it's a journey, it's weird and confusing, sometimes it's incredibly awkward, but you're not alone in it. we're all finding our way. just follow what feels right to you and you'll be golden!!! and if you have any more questions, you know where to find me!!! 🖤

[bamf-jaskier]

Rick Riordan just released a Statement on the casting of Leah Jeffries, a black actress, as Annabeth Chase, a character traditionally scene as a blond white girl. I recommend reading the full statement here.

A few parts really stood out to me, this first part where Rick Riordan is making it clear these are not only his thoughts but also that Disney has yet to release a statement (they fucking should!!)

First, let me be clear I am speaking here only for myself. These thoughts are mine alone. They do not necessarily reflect or represent the opinions of any part of Disney, the TV show, the production team, or the Jeffries family.

This next part is so true because I feel like conspiracy theorists always try and claim some big bad is forcing their ✨ fav ✨ creator to support diversity.

You have decided that I couldn’t possibly mean what I have always said: That the true nature of the character lies in their personality. You feel I must have been coerced, brainwashed, bribed, threatened, whatever, or I as a white male author never would have chosen a Black actor for the part of this canonically white girl.

This part near the end to me really hit home because it’s talking about how you can’t even genuinely engage with the media you are claiming to protect if you are a racist dick towards the casting.

The core message of Percy Jackson has always been that difference is strength. There is power in plurality. The things that distinguish us from one another are often our marks of individual greatness. You should never judge someone by how well they fit your preconceived notions. That neurodivergent kid who has failed out of six schools, for instance, may well be the son of Poseidon. Anyone can be a hero.

If you don’t get that, if you’re still upset about the casting of this marvelous trio, then it doesn’t matter how many times you have read the books. You didn’t learn anything from them.

This is the bare minimum standard that creators of a piece of media should be setting in regards to standing up against the blatant racism that actors of color face, particularly when cast in roles people perceive as white.

We see across the board that anytime an actor of color, but in particular black female actresses, are cast in a role that is traditionally white there is massive backlash and racism. We saw this with Zendaya as MJ in Spider-Man, Anna Diop as Starfire, Halle Bailey as Ariel, and even with Catwoman despite 3 black women - Halle Berry, Eartha Kitt, and Zoë Kravitz having played her over the years. The Witcher fandom got a sampling of this too with the casting for Mistle with Christelle Elwin.

Racism in fandom will always exist. It’s important for creators to stand against it. And it’s important for fans to stand against it. Boost up creators and characters of color and drown out the hatred. It takes collective action to make fandom a safe space but together we can do it.

[helloalycia]

teenage dirtbag [one] // wanda maximoff

summary: when you're paired with the most popular girl in your grade for Chemistry class, you definitely don't expect to start liking her like that...

warning/s: none i don't think??

author's note: okay so i have a ton of requests to work through but i got sidetracked and before i knew it, five parts of this imagine were written.

It's based off the song 'Teenage Dirtbag' and idk, i thought it was cute to write! Who doesn't love the popular girl!wanda and loner!reader concept?

Here’s a cover of the song to listen to because i really liked it and a girl sings it so it immediately made the song 10x more gay, just how i like it 🥰

masterlist | wattpad | part two | part three | part four | part five

"Are you all comfortable?"

The class stayed silent, watching our Chemistry teacher, Mr. Hale, as he looked to everyone with a raised brow.

"You all like who you're sat with?" he asked again, as if expecting an actual response from someone.

I exchanged questioning glances with my best friend, Y/BF/N, who was sat beside me. It was the first day back in Chemistry class of our final year of high school and we were just waiting to begin.

"Anyone?" he asked, looking around.

"Yeah," a few students mumbled in response so we could move on.

He clapped his hands together. "Great! Well, don't get too comfortable because I made a seating chart."

A chorus of groans erupted from the class, including from me and Y/BF/N. Every other class had successfully managed to not give us a seating chart. I'd heard that Mr. Hale was an awkward teacher who hated students (ironically), but I didn't think he'd stoop so low as to pair us with students who weren't our friends. These new seats were also our partners for the rest of the year and were non-negotiable, so any projects or work we did would have to be with our seat buddy. Fun.

Students began to shuffle to their newly-assigned seats reluctantly as Mr. Hale read out the chart. When Y/BF/N left my side, I frowned dramatically, waving goodbye to him.

"Wanda Maximoff, you're now partners with Y/N Y/L/N," said Mr. Hale, making me look up at the mention of my name.

I didn't get chance to register what he'd said as the aforementioned girl soon approached me, settling her bag on the table beside me. I looked up and saw Wanda Maximoff smiling my way before taking a seat on the stool.

Huh. Wanda Maximoff. She was one of the most popular girls in our grade. Everybody loved her, either wanting to be friends with her, be with her or be her. I'd personally never crossed paths with her apart from the few classes we shared. She seemed nice enough, but I guess I had preconceived notions of what she was like since she'd made the very poor decision to date the most obnoxious guy ever. Anyone making decisions that terrible definitely had a flaw.

She had a twin brother, Pietro, who was also in our grade and played on the football team alongside her boyfriend. Her parents were good friends with mine, through mutual friends, I think, as I recalled my mum mentioning 'Mrs. Maximoff's boy' or 'Mrs. Maximoff's girl'. And I remembered when her family moved into our town back in second grade.

Admittedly, Wanda was the star of the show back then, too. We were only kids, but child Y/N wasn't blind. She was the first girl I'd crushed on, an innocent child crush – the crush that made me realise I liked girls. Apart from that, and the fact that she had a locker behind me in the hallway, I never really thought about her.

I glanced behind me, catching Y/BF/N's gaze across the room as he sat beside some other kid. He frowned, implying he wished we were partners, and I knew just how he felt.

Once Mr. Hale finished assigning seats, he gave us five minutes to get to know our new partners as he struggled to find the powerpoint for today's class. If there was anything worse than getting assigned seats, it was ice breakers.

"Er, well, hi," Wanda greeted, turning to face me. Green eyes sparkled brightly behind a friendly smile. "I'm Wanda. But, I mean, we already know each other."

"That we do," I said with a nod, returning her smile. "How're you doing? Your summer go well?"

She ran a hand through her hair, adjusting herself so she was comfortable on her stool. And as she did, a waft of her perfume washed over me and I blinked, trying to ignore how nice it smelled. Floral. Subtle. It suited her.

"Good, yeah," she answered with a nod. "Could have gone on longer for all I care."

I chuckled. "I feel that. I'm definitely not ready to be back."

"Right?" she said with raised brows. "It's gonna take a while to get back into routine, that's for sure. But I guess I did miss seeing my friends everyday."

I hummed in agreement, eyes flickering to Mr. Hale as he attempted to tackle the oncoming stream of animations on his powerpoint. I tried not to laugh as I looked back to Wanda, who clearly noticed the same thing as me and stifled a smile.

"Have you had Mr. Hale before?" I asked, nodding his way.

She shook her head. "Nope. You?"

"Never."

"Sucks that he makes seating charts," she said with a sigh, before realising what she said and looking to me with panicked eyes. "Not that I don't like you or anything–!"

"It's fine, I get it," I cut her off with an amused smile. "I wanted to sit with my friend, too."

She breathed out quietly, a hint of relief in her eyes, and scrunched her nose with an apologetic smile. Okay, yeah, maybe that was kind of cute. Older Y/N wasn't blind either. Wanda Maximoff was beautiful, with long brunette locks and matching hazel eyes that seemed to change from blue to green to brown in a kaleidoscope of colour. A winning smile and soothing voice was enough for anyone to fall for her unintentional charm, but it was purely admiration. Everyone pretty much had a mild crush on her, you'd be stupid not to.

"If we're gonna be working together, d'you wanna get the whole awkward number exchange out the way now?" she asked, half joking, half not.

"I– er– sure," I stumbled out rather carelessly, before cringing internally. Where did that come from?

Thankfully, she didn't seem to pick up on it (or just saved me the embarrassment of acknowledging it) and was already writing her number on a slip of paper. Sliding it my way, she capped her pen and gave me her signature smile.

"Thanks," I said with a nod, accepting the paper and pocketing it. "Can't wait to start those lovely science projects we've got coming up!"

She let out a quiet laugh at my sarcasm. "It'll be fine. You're not dumb, right? So, we'll be fine."

"Can't promise you that," I joked, making her roll her eyes playfully.

"Maybe if we–"

But she was cut off when Mr. Hale spoke up loudly, interrupting everyone's conversations.

"Five minutes are up, let's begin!"

I wondered if everyone was thinking the same thing as me – that was not five minutes.

"So it begins...," I mumbled to myself, facing forward.

Wanda breathed out, a stifled laugh, probably having heard my comment, and I couldn't help but crack a smile. Maybe I judged her too harshly. She wasn't actually that bad.

—

Since being paired with Wanda, I was surprised by how much she'd made an effort to befriend me outside of class. We'd always been back to back with our lockers though not quite speaking, but since becoming Chemistry partners, she'd wish me a good morning if she caught me, or greet me briefly as we collected our books.

She didn't have to, but I could see why everybody liked her now. She was just genuinely nice. Due to circumstance, we'd become partners, but rather than leaving it at that, she made a genuine effort to befriend me. And not even just me, but also Y/BF/N, who was at the locker next to mine. He was as surprised as I was, expecting Wanda to mind her own business as we weren't exactly in the same social circles.

This was, I guess you could say, the start of our friendship. And it was a good one at that. I grew to learn how funny she was, how much she loved her brother, the passion she had for art and painting... she was a wonderful person. Which is why I didn't understand why she was with her boyfriend, Nate. He was a grade-A dick and everything Wanda wasn't. How were they a thing?

It sounds like I'm being a bitch and judgemental, but he really is the worst. The few unfortunate times I shared a class with him or caught sight of him around school, he was causing some sort of trouble with the teachers or picking on students in a way that made it seem like a joke but everybody knew it wasn't.

For example, there was a time when Wanda and I were studying for an upcoming Chemistry test we had. We decided to just help each other study since we already worked together in class, so knew we could motivate each other to actually put in the work. It was, maybe, the fourth studying session we had, and I was going over some notes when I felt her eyes watching me.

"You need a hand?" I asked, unable to take the staring any longer. I looked up at her, quirking a brow.

She seemed to fall out of her daydream and straightened up, eyes flickering to mine. "Huh?"

I gave her an awkward smile, unable to maintain her gaze. "You're staring."

She didn't seem fazed as I called her out, instead leaning back in her seat and continuing to study me curiously.

"Did you do something different with your hair?"

Subconsciously reaching for my hair, I straightened up my ponytail and shook my head. "No...?"

She chewed on her lip, saying after a pause, "You tied it up. You usually leave it out."

Did I? I wasn't sure. I just knew that her noticing something like that made me feel self conscious all of a sudden.

"It looks good," she decided, before offering up a small smile. "You should do it like that more often."

Quickly, I felt warm. Was it stuffy in here or was it just me? God, compliments already made me feel stupid. And compliments from pretty girls made me feel ten times that. It didn't help that she was watching me with an endearing expression, making me focus on my book before me.

"Thanks," I got out quickly. "I– yeah."

Her smile widened before she looked back down to her own book. Suddenly, I became acutely aware of the way her leg brushed up against mine under the table.

Thankfully, the strange fuzzy feeling following her compliment faded and we were able to get back to work without her tuning out again. As we were going over each other's practice questions, an annoying voice shouted from across the library.

"Wanda, head's up!"

"Hey, no talking in the library!" a librarian hissed at the voice.

Wanda and I looked up just in time for a football to smack me in the side of the head. I didn't even see it coming until I felt the thing slap my head, giving me an instant urge to strangle whoever threw it.

"Fuck," I cursed, holding my head and closing my eyes to breathe through the pain.

"Oh my God, are you okay?" Wanda's voice made me open my eyes and I saw her leaning forward, hand resting on my shoulder and the other on top of mine that was clutching my head.

"Been better," I admitted, trying to make light of the situation because as angry as I was at the idiot who threw it, I was also embarrassed because it hit me.

Wanda seemed concerned as she gently pulled me hand away, not letting go as she got a better look at the side of my face which I was sure was burning red. At least that's what it felt like.

"Shit, I'm so sorry."

I looked up and saw none other than Nate Green, Wanda's boyfriend, hovering and stifling a laugh as he looked at me. He had his stupid varsity jacket on and I was tempted to strangle him with it.

"I thought Wanda would catch it," he explained stupidly, before moving around the desk to collect his football.

Breathing out through gritted teeth, I pulled away from Wanda and nodded reassuringly. "I'll be fine. Just need an ice pack."

"You're such an idiot, Nate!" Wanda snapped, looking to him with a glare. "You need to watch what you're doing!"

He smiled sheepishly, making me roll my eyes and clench my jaw at the heat on the right side of my face. Fuck, that really hurt.

"What did you want?" Wanda asked him with a quirked brow. She definitely wasn't impressed. I'd hate to ever be on the wrong side of that condescending glare.

"I thought we could go out," he said like it was that simple.

"I'm studying," she quipped with crossed arms.

"I'm happy to wait," he said, toying with the ball in his hands.

Knowing I definitely didn't want that, I closed my books and said, "It's cool. You guys go. I think we're done here anyway."

Nate grinned. "See? S'all good."

Wanda ignored him and looked to me with worried eyes. "Y/N, are you sure?"

"You know your stuff," I said, referring to the work. "You'll be fine in the test. I'm sure."

I offered her a small, forced smile, before standing up to pack my bag. She did the same, beginning to pack her own things, but her eyes kept flittering towards me.

"D'you want me to go to the nurse's office with you?" she asked, shame laced in her voice.

"It's fine, I'll be fine," I said, hurrying up with my actions so I could just get out of here whilst I still had (some of) my dignity left. "See you in class tomorrow."

She nodded, sending a guilty smile my way. "See you tomorrow, Y/N."

Without giving either of them a look, I shouldered my backpack and left the library. Just another reminder of why Nate Green was literally the worst person ever.

—

Liking Wanda as more than a friend wasn't something that happened for a while if I'm being honest. I guess I started to enjoy her presence more and more the longer we spent time together.

I'd come to appreciate it whenever she'd say something completely out of the blue that made no sense whatsoever, or whenever she'd laugh at something I'd said that was arguably not funny but she didn't want to make me feel bad, or even whenever I teased her about something stupid she did, resulting in her doing that cute little nose scrunch she did. But I didn't think of it as liking her, more just a randomly-formed friendship that I was glad to have.

Maybe it was this misinterpretation that didn't make me see how I was acting around her, such as the time I was in the dinner queue at lunch when I realised she was stood behind me.

"Oh, hey, Y/N," she said when she noticed it was me in front of her. Her usual bright, friendly smile was on her lips as she looked to me. "You good?"

I nodded, returning her smile. "Yeah. Just getting some doughnuts for Y/BF/N and I. You?"

"Same," she said, before nudging the guy next to her, who I recognised as her brother. "Pietro and I thought we'd treat ourselves."

At the mention of his name, Pietro looked down to his sister before his gaze fell on me. A mischievous smile appeared on his lips as he put out his hand.

"Pietro Maximoff," he introduced. "You must be the Chemistry partner, Y/N, right?"

I raised my eyebrows with surprise as I shook his hand. "You, er, know who I am?"

He glanced at his sister with a cheeky smile. Wanda was avoiding both of our gazes, her cheeks dusting pink.

Clearly saving face for Wanda, he said, "We've been in the same grade since kids, right? 'Course I do."

Despite the truth to his words, something told me that wasn't how he knew who I was. Especially since I was sure I'd never spoken to him in my life. But, to save Wanda the embarrassment of clearly having spoken of me at home, I nodded to Pietro.

"Right," I agreed with an amused smile. "Duh."

I moved down the queue and grabbed two doughnuts from the display, putting them in two separate paper bags.

"Dibs the last one!" Pietro exclaimed as soon as I returned the clippers to the display. He reached around his sister immaturely and bagged the last doughnut.

Wanda rolled her eyes. "You know I can ask for more, right?"

Pietro grinned, eyes sparkling with mischief. "Go on then."

The two were twins, but they couldn't have been more different. I simply revelled in their interaction, finding it adorable.

Wanda did as she said, asking the dinner lady if there were any more doughnuts in the back. Unfortunately for her, those were the last for the day, making Pietro laugh as Wanda pouted.

"Sucks to be you," he teased her, as I paid for mine and Y/BF/N's doughnuts.

"I hate you," she mumbled playfully, but I saw the disappointment in her eyes as he lovingly but annoyingly waved his bag before her eyes.

Without even thinking much of it, I held out one of the bags in my hand. "Here. You can have mine."

Wanda looked to me with surprise. "Are you sure? I can live without a doughnut, if that's what you're thinking."

I chuckled, grabbing her hand and making her take it. "It's okay. I wasn't in the mood anyway."

Plus, you look better when you're smiling and not pouting, I added in my head.

She accepted the bag reluctantly. "I– thanks. At least let me pay for it–"

"It's just a doughnut, Wanda," I teased, before nodding her way. "See you later."

Leaving her and Pietro to it, I headed back to the table Y/BF/N was sat at and took a seat opposite him before giving him his doughnut.

"Sweet," he said, quickly opening the bag before realising I didn't have one. "Where's yours?"

Over his shoulder, I saw Wanda and Pietro taking a seat at their lunch table, doughnuts in hand and a heartwarming smile on Wanda's lips.

"They ran out," I answered Y/BF/N. "Wasn't in the mood anyway. Enjoy."

He shrugged before digging in. I'd like to say I didn't spare glances in Wanda's direction every now and then for the rest of the lunch hour, but I'd be lying if I did.

—

I'm in the art department. You okay to bring it here?

I read over the text Wanda sent me before shooting her an 'okay' and heading to the Art department. I'd grabbed her notebook in class earlier on, only realising as I was studying with Y/BF/N in the library and pulled out an extra one, so I was going to give it her back.

I guess, when you realise you like someone, it comes randomly, suddenly, without warning. Liking someone isn't instant, it's constant and gradual and subconscious. I guess I'd been falling for Wanda for a while, without even realising, but today was the day I acknowledged that fact.

The Art department wasn't somewhere I frequented regularly – give me a paint and brushes and I'd probably present you with a finger painting – but it was definitely worth the visit. Art pieces from current and past students were hung on the walls, a mural of the school was spray painted on another, and sculptures stood around. The whole department brought a smile to anyone's face with its bright colours and open space – I could see why Art students always hung out here, Wanda included.

Speaking of Wanda, I found her in one of the classrooms sat at a stool in front of a series of canvasses. The room had a few other Art students littered around, working on their own pieces during their lunch period, otherwise it was empty.

"Hey," I called, getting her attention as I approached her.

She followed my voice and straightened up with a cheery smile. "Y/N, hey. Thanks for coming. I'm working on my Art project, so I couldn't pull myself away."

I waved my hand dismissively, joining her side. "It's all good, don't worry." My eyes wandered to the series of canvases on easels she was working on and widened. "Holy shit, these are so good."

Three unfinished hyperrealistic portraits of people were before us, one whom I recognised as Pietro. The paintings were so detailed, despite their medium-size, and I couldn't imagine how long they must have taken.

"You think?" she asked, glancing between them. "I think I messed up the nose here." She pointed with the back end of her paintbrush to the nose of Pietro. "It's a bit bent."

I almost laughed as I looked to her with disbelief. "Are you kidding? Wanda, these are amazing. How did you even do this?"

She looked down bashfully, a nervous smile on her lips. "I don't know. It's for a project. I chose to do family portraits." She pointed to each one as she said, "My mum, my dad and my brother."

I was in awe of her talent, jaw dropped with amazement still. I always knew she was an artist, but I'd never actually seen her work. I was starting to wish I'd come here a lot sooner.

"So, you got my notebook?" she asked, pulling me back into reality.

I looked away from the paintings reluctantly before getting her notebook from my bag and holding it out for her. As she accepted it, she must have forgotten she was holding her paintbrush as the tip brushed my wrist, leaving a swipe of red there.

"Oh, my bad," she said with a laugh, before setting her notebook and brush down and grabbing a paper towel from beside her.

Wetting it with water from her bottle, she pressed it to my wrist and swiped the paint away. It was such a mundane action, but the way her fingers gently held my wrist and emanated a warmth only she seemed to carry sent shivers down my spine.

I glanced up at her, letting her do it, and noticed the swipe of paint she had across her cheek, as if she'd touched her face without realising.

Now that I paid attention, I noticed how cute she looked in her Art getup. An old, oversized shirt covered in paint was being worn to cover her clothes, sleeves loosely rolled up to her elbows. Her long hair was tied back into a ponytail, but her baby hairs framed her forehead adorably.

When her hair wasn't in her face, her eyes only seemed more intense, glistening with excitement and happiness. I almost forgot to breathe when they met mine briefly, a hint of embarrassment there from when cleaning me up. She was in her element here and it made sense to me now.

I knew I'd fallen for her.

—

"You don't get it," I was saying to Y/BF/N as we hung about the school gym, waiting for the teacher to start the lesson. "It's bad. I like her. Like, like like her."

Y/BF/N laughed, clapping me on the back with pity. "You're screwed."

I frowned. "I know."

As he stretched for class, he continued, "I mean, I get it, I do. She's super nice. Pretty. And you guys seem to get on."

I chewed on my lower lip worriedly.

He gave me a knowing look. "There's one problem though."

I groaned, running a hand down my face. "I know, I know. She's got that dick of a boyfriend."

He chuckled. "That's one way to put it."

I sighed, crossing my arms with annoyance. Since realising I liked Wanda as a little more than a friend, things weren't going well for me. Whenever we worked together, I'd forget what I was thinking because I was too busy admiring her side profile or getting lost in her eyes. If she spoke about the work, told a joke or was simply speaking her thoughts aloud, I'd focus on every little thing she was saying, knowing I could listen to her speak all day. It was bad, but thankfully I hadn't stumbled over my words or made a total fool of myself in front of her. I was determined to not let it get that far.

My eyes wandered around the gym as Y/BF/N tried to give me advice, but admittedly, his words flew in one ear and out the other when I caught sight of Wanda.

She was standing with her friends, smiling and laughing to whatever they were saying. Like everyone else in here, she was wearing her gym kit – black athletic shorts and a blue and white tee shirt, the colour of our school. It wasn't anything special, yet she made it seem that way, outdoing anyone in here. Her brown hair was tied back, the ponytail falling down her back, showing her stunning profile and making my mouth go dry.

Another clap on the back from Y/BF/N pulled me from my reverie and I looked to see he was laughing at me.

"Majorly screwed," he corrected his previous comment.

He was definitely right.

[my-mt-heart]

Hello there! I have a random question, and I wanted to ask you. I remember being in school, reading and watching Of Mice and Men. And Curly's Wife was seen as the resident whore, even though all I am getting is that she was just lonely. Being around a bunch of men and the book having been written by one, I feel like they dominated the narrative of her character, while her perspective was drowned out. I feel similar to Carol's character in some ways. She's battling with a lot of self hatred, loneliness, feeling like she is the bottom of the barrel (especially where Daryl's concerned)...and Ed (kind of like Curly) was mean and abusive to her. Curly's Wife is known by just that. We don't know her name. For Carol, we don't know her maiden name.i also notice throughout the series, Carol struggles with what her true identity is, since it keeps getting taken away or "burned" away.

Sorry for that long intro, but my question is, how come in television and in books, people can't see a hurting heart, particularly when it's a woman's? The sacrifices Carol makes, I can see how much it bothers or hurts her. But I have spoken to someone who is a Donnie shipper (who only started watching at season 9, wth??) And they said they wanted to punch Carol for saying "what took you so long" to Negan after getting rid of Alpha. I asked her how come she didn't want to punch Daryl, who said that Negan "took his sweet time" doing it, too. I know a lot of people love Negan (not me). I don't hate him, but the way I see it, Carol was doing Negan the favor. Carol would have tried to do it herself, but Daryl kept following her and getting in the way. I thought it was obvious from their scenes that Daryl didn't trust Carol by herself and he pretty much said so in "Squeeze". He was constantly worried about her. She couldn't get away to face off against Alpha, alone and she was trying to keep Daryl from getting involved. Remember in "Open your Eyes", Carol tells Daryl "If you want to sit this one out, I get it." She was constantly trying to dissuade him from participating in her bone with the Whispers. Getting someone like Negan to do it was more strategic. Why can't the viewers who cover the show not see what psychologically is going on with Carol or women in general and convey it accurately?

P.S. I know misogyny exists, but I am not trying to say "men suck, free women" or anything. I love men as a spieces. I just cannot understand why viewers regardless of gender cannot see how long and how much one of the longest standing characters, has been hurting?

Thanks in advance for answering.

As far as women in television go (can't speak too much on books), this is where @laur-n-peace and my favorite subject "internalized misogyny" comes into play. People get offended at the mere suggestion of it because they think they're being accused of hating women, but that's not it at all. We all have preconceived notions that are hard to shake, and as a result, male characters are more easily forgiven while female characters are harshly condemned for their actions. Skyler White in Breaking Bad is a really good example. I could write a whole thesis on her, but let's focus on Carol. Like you said, there are many different things that factor into her choices to go after the horde, release Negan, etc, but people would rather just call her reckless or crazy and leave it at that. And what's worse is it takes so much effort on her part as a character and on the part of the people writing her character to overcome this supposedly simple recklessness. It's unfair and I wish more viewers/reviewers would try harder to understand all of her layers.

^Sorry this isn't really answering your question and more so just acknowledging that you are correct in bringing it up.

[kimabutch]

Finished The Goblin Emperor a few days ago and some scattered thoughts are:

I would die for Maia except he wouldn’t let me.

He’s a good good boy and I love him.

I can see why the audiobook narrator won an award for the performance because 95% of the names in the book are tongue twisters.

Also I don’t know how to spell a single name and went through the entirety of the book under the impression that Maia was spelled Maya.

Loved almost all of the worldbuilding, particularly the linguistic worldbuilding. Can see myself getting lost in the world, both in a good and bad way. It’s confusing, though I appreciate that the core of the book shines through even if you can’t keep track of all the politics or even all the names. 

On that note, A+ for hopefulness and kindness in a political fantasy book, especially one that could easily be taken in a grimdark direction. 

Biggest criticism below the cut, spoilers & CW for homophobia:

While I suspect that Witness for the Dead (which I’m on the waiting list for at the library) may do better at this, the queer rep wasn’t great. The most significant queer character has a Tragic Gay Backstory involving a dead lover who killed his wife, and while the character does begin to heal over the course of the book, the healing isn’t really along the lines of his queerness or how he’s been affected by homophobia, even though the book discusses other related bigotries. Even Maia, largely “progressive” on other topics, describes gay love as “unnatural,” and unlike some of his preconceived notions of gender, this isn’t ever challenged.

The other instances of queerness being mentioned are a) a villainous male character who gropes young men (and hunts them for sport); b) a male character who has (I think?) a younger lover who is seen as an embarrassment, and c) a cool pirate wlw who’s mentioned very much in passing. 

And like, looking at descriptions of other books that the author’s written, I trust that they aren’t homophobic, and like I said, I kind of expect Witness for the Dead, which is about the Tragic Gay Backstory character, to discuss the character’s internalized homophobia and maybe even provide some healing from it. And I don’t demand that every book that depicts homophobia also explicitly condemn it, or that every instance of queer rep be happy. 

It’s just that in terms of queer rep, this book feels like it’s fantasy from the 80s or 90s, where gay characters may be portrayed with some sympathy, but that’s only because most of them are tragic or embarrassing, and the rest are still predators. Just left a bad taste in my mouth in a book that was hopeful on so many other topics.

Anyways. I liked the book! The writing was great and I’m excited to read the sort-of sequel.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

What happened w the rationalist community, if you’re ok talking about it?

LONG REPLY TIME.

In my Wild Youth (tm) I was hardcore in the rationalist/skeptic/humanist community. You know, the New Atheist types (the vast majority of the community didn’t call themselves New Atheists, that was mostly American Dawkins fans, but we were those kinds of people, just less arrogant-PR about it). For people who don’t know, the core philosophy of this subculture basically comes down to: - humans are mostly good people, or try to be good people, and we should act in ways that are good for humanity, the environment, etc. - people with better or more accurate information about the world are capable of making better decisions - it is therefore vitally important that we view the world as accurately as possible. Truth is inherently important and valuable. We should do everything we can to make sure that our beliefs about the world are as accurate as possible. - your mind will lie to you. Cognitive biases have their social and evolutionary uses, but they result in bigotry and bad information. We should do everything we can to identify and compensate for these, and think as rationally as a human is capable of. - while it’s not perfect, science is the most effective tool we have for determining what is most likely to be true. Rationalism is therefore massively pro-science and pro-science education. (This isn’t a blind trust; most hardcore rationalists are scientists and fully aware of the limitations of the messy reality of how science is funded and published and the biases that introduces. These are taken into account. The other hardcore rationalists tend to be magicians/illusionists.)

All of this is perfectly fine and a hill I’m still perfectly willing to die on.

When you get a bunch of people together who are sincerely seeking truth and want the world to be a better place, there are some fairly obvious groups that they’re going to tangle with. Before my time, when we were just called skeptics, the main targets had been psychics and life-after-death spirit-communing con artists (this is where our magicians came from, the philosophical descendants of Houdini, one of the earliest voices in the movement, and later James Randi). But the big proponents of harm in my time were the healing crystals/essential oils/faith healing people, and the ‘Creation should be taught instead of evolution’ creationists. We spent a lot of time trying to stop people from selling oils that they said could cure cancer, and fighting against science education being replaced with religious belief inserted in science classes. (I spent a lot of my teenage years debating creationists on the internet. I can summarise this experience as a frustrating waste of time on both sides of the debate. Neither side was going to accomplish anything in these discussions.)

This is all perfectly fine. I won’t pretend I’m completely happy with everyone’s actions; it’s the internet, so of course there were subgroups doing things like mass trolling conservative religion forums and stuff, which had no purpose except to piss off people we happened not to like, but you get that. The problem with this is that it’s easy. People can believe what they want, but if you’re coming into a rational debate, every pro-Creation, anti-evolution argument is complete and utter bullshit, mostly demonstrating nothing beyond the fact that the creationist debater a) doesn’t understand the most fundamental things about biology or b) does understand and is willingly misleading the audience. Every pro healing crystal, pro astrology or pro telepathy argument is fatuous nonsense. Twelve-year-olds could walk into these discussions and completely shred every argument put forth by big-name “creation scientists” in minutes -- I know, I watched it happen regularly. I was on our conservative creationist Christian-owned community TV station for awhile doing a little ‘creation vs evolution!’ debate against the wealthy station owner’s son to fill air time, and I’d see him do a couple of hours of research for anti-evolution arguments every time we filmed, and it always pissed him off that I’d shred anything he said immediately, having done no research whatsoever, because even to me, a child, the giant drive-a-bus-through-this holes in his arguments were obvious. (Also, they were old hash; I’d read all the books by his idols before and checked the reasoning myself long before.)

Fresh voices in the community came from two main sources -- people who’d been pro-people and pro-reason/science for years finding others like them, and ex-creationists and magic healer victims who’d eventually found the holes in what they’d been taught. This second group, for obvious reasons, tended to be the most passionately pro-reason and pro-science people, and discussing different experiences in a place where people could feel safe being critical and actively celebrate doubt was great. But, inevitably, we got lazy.

A lot of the ‘laziness’ was perfectly reasonable and practical. Time and attention is always limited, and when you’ve dealt with six claims of “the eye is too complex to have evolved!” and explained the flaws in the irreducible complexity argument four times that fortnight, when someone walks in with “blood groups couldn’t possibly have evolved, therefore the earth must be 6,000 years old”, you just don’t fucking bother, and you shouldn’t fucking bother, there’s no value in that discussion.

That’s not the kind of laziness I’m talking about. I’m talking about the part where we got so used to ‘that sounds so fucking stupid’ leading directly being able to tear an argument to pieces,that it became normal to assume that anything that sounds stupid on the surface MUST be obviously wrong. Where ‘this is weird, let’s examine it and check for flaws’ became ‘that person disagrees with my preconceived notions, let’s double down and explain why they’re wrong, because I’m already assuming that they’re wrong’. At some point, “we want to be as rational and accurate as we can be, we call ourselves rationalist and work towards that” became “we’re rationalists, so we’re more accurate and rational than average and probably right”.

You might recognise that as in fact being *the exact opposite of the proported philosophy*. There were always some overenthusiastic idiots in any group, but watching it slowly become normal for rationalising to replace active rationalism and for the names of cognitive biases to be thrown around as gotcha buzzwords rather than things people were seriously considering in their own arguments was... concerning. (There were a lot of very smart people in the community, which unfortunately made it far more vulnerable to this particular kind of thing. Smarter people are better at fooling themselves; a person good at reason is also good at rationalising, and you can’t tell the difference between these things when you’re the one doing them.)

In practical terms, this doesn’t matter that much when you’re playing in the easy leagues of explaining to someone that the overpriced eucalyptus oil they bought from an MLM won’t protect them against chicken pox. The person who’s gotten lazy is shit at being a rationalist, but your reasoning skills don’t actually need to be all that impressive for this. You know what they do need to be impressive for? For when somebody says, “women are taken less seriously than men in science and biased against in hiring, payment and promotion”, and this hypothetical you, a male scientist who’s never noticed this and already knows that his profession is full of smart and reasonable people who wouldn’t do something stupid like that, thinks “that is fucking stupid” and automatically, without thinking about it, puts their energy into shouting down and dismissing alternate evidence. Or when somebody points out islamophobia in the community, or passive racism, or... you get the picture. Social issues can (and should) be examined and interrogated using rational philosophies, but it’s so much harder to do that than laugh at creationists who are sending you abusive messages about going to hell. And given the particular hot-button issues in the community, most of the people there were interested in biology, chemistry or physics and simply had no idea how to *do* social sciences, treating the parts that were familiar from their own specialities as valid and the rest as irrational nonsense. And now, you have prominent rationalists panicking about Sharia law, sneering at the made-up problems of feminism, and generally making fools of themselves... because they got lazy.

Because, like how it’s hard to be a liberal (American definition) but easy to be a conservative in a gay hat, it’s hard to be a rationalist, but easy to be an arsehole with a big vocabulary. And that’s why I can’t gush about how great Richard Dawkins’ early science books are without somebody bringing up his bullshit twitter opinions.

[cookingwithroxy]

You know what? Fuck it. After the past few days I might as well make a post about some recent things. They're actually very related.

The concepts are 'Cognitive Dissonance' and 'Thought Terminating Cliche'.

Now I could do a bit of a personal take on those concepts but fuck it I'm lazy why don't I just let google give me some descriptions, and then a readmore so I'm not killing everyone's dashes?

Now, I'm going to start with a quote from the latter link first, because it helps build into the former.

'A thought-terminating cliché (also known as a semantic stop-sign, a thought-stopper, bumper sticker logic, or cliché thinking) is a form of loaded language, commonly used to quell cognitive dissonance.[1][2][3][4][5] Depending on context in which a phrase (or cliché) is used, it may actually be valid and not qualify as thought-terminating; it does qualify as such when its application intends to dismiss dissent or justify fallacious logic.[6] Its only function is to stop an argument from proceeding further, in other words "end the debate with a cliché... not a point."[2] The term was popularized by Robert Jay Lifton in his 1961 book Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism, who called the use of the cliché, along with "loading the language", as "The language of Non-thought".[1]'

This is important because of an element of the former, and here's the next quote for everyone!

New Information

Sometimes learning new information can lead to feelings of cognitive dissonance. For example, if you engage in a behavior that you later learn is harmful, it can lead to feelings of discomfort. People sometimes deal with this either by finding ways to justify their behaviors or findings ways to discredit or ignore new information.

I'm going to highlight one part there, so it's easy to see. Indent it too. See what I'm pointing out?

This, all of this, is a legitimate and serious issue in the social discourse and social justice in general. It's actually very common for people to walk into discussions with preconceived notions, and without any willingness to correct for errors in their own logic. My issues with EarthlyTruth are a grand example of all of this. When issues with Critical Race Theory are brought up, their position was 'Well, this is all Fox News's fault!' but when pressed, that was all they would say, and would cycle around to essentially 'Conservatives believe X' as if it answered any and all issues.

When I brought up my issues with people wanting to ban a certain word, and how as I, a person who was harassed as a child with that word, don't like it when people try and call me a monster for saying I have the right to still use it? Their only response was surprise, derision, and to infer I was a racist bigot who just wants to throw around slurs.

Because to do otherwise would require them to acknowledge that I have a right to my position, one that was different to theirs. That was a cognitive dissonance that they could not handle.

This is an issue in the discourse, but also more than that this is something people should be aware of for two major reasons. One, so that you can stop and examine your own logic, to try and find the points where you just reject what you see out of hand? I know I've got anti-communist followers and I know how easy it is to reject anything discussing communism out of hand... before you read and see WHAT it actually says about communism.

Seriously I have made points before knocking communists for their inability to think in a post-capital sense and people ignored what I was specifically saying to just dunk on communism. Which is valid, communism is shit, but still! Thought terminating cliche.

But also, as the second reason? Is because anyone who's heavily invested in thought terminating cliché's, who are unwilling to accept or process new information?

It's INSANELY Unlikely that you'll get through to them if your interactions ever started with hostility. Because they can just mark you as 'enemy' and fit you into a spot that means that they can ignore the truth no matter what they see.

Delusional thinking is delusional thinking, and sometimes the only sane response is to just not give the bad people the time of day.

[regolithheart]

what do you think about the Nesta/Cassian/Mor conflict? also looking forward to your fics!!

Hi beautiful, sweet, innocent, Nonnie!!

Thank you for writing to me. Like I said, I could talk about Nessian all day and I am full. of. #thoughts. I could give you a short sweet answer, but it’s week six of quarantine, I had a brownie for dinner, and I don’t know what day it is. In the end, you’ll probably regret asking me, but lets just jump into it, shall we?

Unpopular opinion: I don’t like Rhys, Mor, or Feyre. So if you don’t want to hear what I have to say in regards to them, thanks for stopping by. No need to read further. 

I’ve never loved Feyre, but I think that has more to do with the fact that I just don’t like main characters in a series. Would I have preferred to read Hermione Granger and the Prisoner of Azkaban? You bet your ass. I also don’t like Rhys for the same reason, but also I dislike Rhys more than Feyre and for additional reasons which we will get to later.

I hate that I dislike Mor, because I loved her so much in ACoMaF and for a hot minute I shipped Mor and Azriel because I am a sucker for the unrequited love trope. A real sucker. And maybe, maybe I could have overlooked the retconning of her being a lesbian (yes, it was a retcon. Fight me.), if it weren’t for the fact that it makes her look really really bad and makes her treatment of Azriel even worse. I get it. I do. Her working through being okay with telling the others any of her business is part of her personal journey, but being honest to someone you claim to love about not being able to love them the way they hope to be is different than telling them you can’t be in a relationship because you prefer the opposite sex. Listen, I obviously have thoughts about this, but that’s not what the question was about so I’ll move on. 

Mor and Cassian’s relationship is a dangerous one. They both use each other as a crutch. From day one, Mor was using Cassian. Now, I don’t think she was doing it maliciously, but he appealed to her because he was already one of the most powerful Illyrians and a bastard to boot. Why do you think Mor chose Cassian and not Azriel? Sure, she wanted to own her own body. She wanted to decide who she gets to sleep with, but she decided she wanted to sleep with someone before going to the Autumn Court to stick it to Keir and the establishment. And what better way to stick it to them than to choose an Illyrian bastard. Because being the illegitimate son of an Illyrian lord is still ranked higher than being someone with no father and a dead mother. Mor knew exactly what she was doing when she chose Cassian. She is Rhys’ third-in-command for a reason. She aint no dumdum.

And for 500 years it was all good, right? Mor didn’t care who Cassian hooked up with because she knew they were no threat. But as soon as someone comes along that Cassian has feelings for, like true, legit, feelings, she cannot handle it. Because if she loses Cassian as a buffer then she really will have to be honest with Azriel (the horror). And so what does she do? She gets possessive. She outright hates Nesta and does not hold her feelings or tongue back. Now, some people are going to say that Nesta is the worst. She was horrible to Feyre growing up, she’s rude, she’s belligerent, and she can be a straight up bitch. Yeah. No argument there. We’ve all read the books. We have see the evidence throughout the whole entire series. But so is Rhys, so is Mor, so is Feyre, and Cassian and Amren. The only difference, is that a) they all have each other’s backs while no one has Nesta’s and b) we get to see everyone’s reasons and everyone’s POV except for Nesta’s. Feyre is an unreliable narrator, which is why I’m looking forward to seeing Cassian and Nesta away from Feyre in book 4 because I don’t trust her to tell me what’s going on for realsies. 

Honestly, the scene that made me straight up get so pissed at Mor was in ACoFaS when Nesta shows up to the Solstice party and Elain gives Nesta her present. All of Cassian’s attention is pointed to Nesta and what does Mor do? She forces Cassian to pay attention to her by choosing that exact moment to give him his Solstice present. Not any other time before or after when Cassian barely even glances Nesta’s way, but during the what, five seconds, he’s looking at her? PLEASE! It’s so passive aggressive and I hate it. I hate it!

I think the thing that bothers me the most abut Cassian and Mor’s relationship is that it really is just a miniature version of Cassian’s relationship with the Inner Circle in regards to Nesta. But really, when I say Inner Circle, I mean Rhys. I hate how Rhys treats Nesta, thinks of Nesta, and dismisses Nesta. Does he have his reasons? Sure. Are they valid reasons? He sure thinks they are, but like I said before, he’s no angel and we got to hear his full story so until we get Nesta’s full story then I don’t need my inbox blowing up. And honestly, if it turns out that Nesta really is as bad as everyone thinks she is, that’s still not going to change my opinion of her. I mean, why have you even read this far if you don’t like Nesta? Has anyone read this far, period? 

What I mean to say is that Cassian loves his family. He loves Nesta. The problem is that his family and Nesta don’t love each other and he will always feel torn apart over it. Cassian knows that Rhys hates Nesta. He can barely acknowledge her existence in front of Rhys and Azriel because they barely do. Yeah, his feelings are complicated right now. He’s hurt, and angry, and confused, and still loves her and can’t work out his feelings because he doesn’t have a safe place to do so. If there’s anyone he should feel comfortable going to to work out these feelings with, it’s Rhys, Az, and Mor but he can’t because he knows exactly how they feel about her, which is that they tolerate her at best. And even then, do they? 

I don’t want Cassian to feel like he has to choose between Nesta or his family, but as the situation stands, he probably does feel like that. I mean, who knows. Maybe he’s already chosen his family over Nesta. It’s not like she’s making an argument on her own behalf. But we know Cassian loves Nesta. Even if he’s annoyed with her, or mad, or frustrated with her, we know that he honest-to-the-Mother loves her. But until everyone can heal, and understand one another, and accept each other, it’s a lose-lose situation all around. Notice how I didn’t say love, or even like. 

Do I feel sorry for Cassian? Yes. Do I think he’s entirely faultless? Nope. Yes, he’s in a shitty situation, but honestly if he had a real conversation with Mor (and the Inner Circle) about his feelings about/for Nesta and confront her about her treatment of Nesta, he’d get different results. Do I think he’s terrified of having an actual, honest conversation? You betcha.

And yeah, we all know that Nesta isn’t making the situation any easier. But she’s hurt and suffering more than any of us really know. Do I think she's entirely blameless? Absolutely not. But I do feel that Rhys and Mor are extra judgmental of her because they already have their preconceived notions of her and anything she’s done contrary to that is ignored while everything she does that reiterates it is magnified. But here I am getting derailed again.

Nesta feels unloved. We can argue whether or not it is deserved another time, but the fact is that she feels unloved. Probably has always felt unloved. So every time Cassian choses to look at Mor instead of Nesta, it’s confirmation to her that she will never be anyone’s first choice. Look, the only man who said he loved her turned out to be abusive and assaulted her. And then when her father declares that he loves her, he gets murdered right in front of her eyes. Elain is the only other person Nesta knows loves her, and now she’s chosen Feyre and the Inner Circle over her (at least she has in Nesta’s eyes). You see where I’m going with this, right?

Except for the few dire times during the war--like when they’re legit in battle for their lives and emotions are running high--does Cassian let himself show Nesta that he cares for her. The only other times is when they’re by themselves. We know it’s because Cassian hides behind his bravado. But to Nesta, who probably has the worst opinion of herself, it probably means he’s ashamed to show it. Or he’s uncertain. I know we don’t have proof of this in the text, but I like to think I understand Nesta on a deep level, I can just imagine that’s how she’s feeling. Nesta pushes people away so that she doesn’t get disappointed when they decide to leave on their own accord. Nesta fought for Feyre, she fought for Elain, and she fought for Cassian. And in ACoFaS they all essentially turned their backs on her. And you wonder why she has so much rage in her frozen heart. 

TL;DR (not that I blame you): It’s complicated and it’s messy and everyone involved has contributed to it’s tangled mess of jealousy, insecurity, selfishness... but I also place more responsibility on the two 500-year-olds than I do on the 23-year-old. 

I’m really interested to see how it plays out in the next book(s), but I will tell you right now, I am on team Nesta Archeron and will be until my dying breath. 

Also, if you made it to the end...

[keelywolfe]

FIC: Welcome To Backwater ch.6 (spicyhoney)

Summary: There are some strange happenings in this little town, is Stretch about to get some answers or only more questions?

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Read Chapter Six ‘It’s All Academic’ on AO3

or

Read it here!

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The store was still a good block away by the time Stretch’s legs decided they’d had enough of doing all the heavy lifting today and would he mind finding a place for them to park his ass for a while, thank you ever so much.

His youthful escorts started drifting off right around the time he got into town proper and his sneakers hit sidewalk. Probably outsiders weren’t as interesting without the possibility of imminent disaster and the kiddos started back to their abandoned bikes and hopscotch squares, leaving him to stagger on.

By then, the wobble that had infected his knees before he even got out of the cornfield was working its way up to a full-out gelatin jiggle and his mouth was filled with the taste of the sweat that ran down his skull, bittersweet salt heavy on his tongue. The sun overhead was bearing down on him, the heat scalding through his t-shirt and shorts right down to his bones.

He wasn’t gonna make it to the store, Stretch realized with dismay, and flopping down on the sidewalk would be about as comfortable as hopping into a greasy skeleton-sized frying pan. Ending the afternoon charbroiled was somehow even less appealing than going back for s second visit with Edgar Allen and Stretch gave his surroundings a slightly desperate look.

The library. He hadn’t been inside yet, but it was right there, not ten unsteady steps away. A small ‘open’ card was in the front window and it was sure to have air conditioning, plus a place to sit and tally up what remained of his scattered wits.

Stretch gathered up the last of his waning endurance and headed for the door. It opened easily, no cowbell here to mark his entrance, and the blissfully cool rush of crisp air against his sweating skull the moment he opened the door confirmed all his hopes and dreams. He managed to close the door behind him and then staggered back a step to lean against the solid wood. Hopefully, no one else was heading in to swap out their latest reads for something new because he needed about five good minutes before he was prepared to even try moving.

Now that he was out of the heat, his mind was clearing a little and he was able to give the library a good look around. It took a minute longer for his vision to adjust; compared to the bright sunshine, this room was like stepping into a shadow, dim and mysterious the way libraries should be, even ones that weren’t in weird little towns.

Huh. It was bigger than it looked on the outside, big shocker there, another little surprise of Backwater’s to add to his growing list. Only one room, sure, smelling musky despite the air conditioning, but the bookshelves were tall, towering even over his head and Stretch was on no one’s short end of the scale. The walls were lined with those shelves, and more stood independently, every one of them heavy with all kinds of books.

There were also a couple of small wooden tables and for the first time, Stretch noticed he wasn’t alone. Someone was sitting at one of the tables with his back to the door and unless there was yet another skeleton Monster hanging around town that Red hadn’t bothered to introduce, it had to be his brother. Couldn’t be sure, of course, all Stretch could see was his back, but he was willing to lay down a bet on even odds.

He’d left off the jacket this time, a wise choice in Stretch’s opinion given the ever-rising thermometer outside. Instead, he was wearing a thin black t-shirt and without the bulk of the leather jacket, his shoulders were narrower, putting him at only a little broader than Stretch’s generally scrawny condition. A crimson scarf was neatly wound around his neck, adding a splash of bright color not only to him, but to the shadowy room.

His spine was poker stiff, only his neck bent as he perused whatever book was in front of him, and his voice was that same rich chocolate tinged with battery acid from their first meeting as he spoke without turning around.

"Choosing to broaden your horizons with reading instead of wasting all your time at the movies, my, what will my brother…say…" the skeleton trailed off as he turned his head enough to glance at him. His head whipped around to give Stretch the full force of his startled gaze. The chair screeched on the floor as he shoved it back, climbing abruptly to his feet, his sockets narrowing as he looked Stretch over. It was not a sudden outbreak of overwhelming lust in that crimson gaze, more’s the pity, but stark concern as he asked sharply, "Are you all right?"

"yeah?” Stretch said uncertainly, and why was the world so unfair that he sounded like a croaking frog with developing case of laryngitis in comparison to that roughly silk voice? Worse, he still didn’t actually know if he was okay, might be better not to fully commit to an answer. Considering he was still covered in dirt and cornsilk, and felt like his bones might actually melt into a mess on the floorboards, he probably looked even worse than he sounded.

Red’s brother didn’t seem to buy it, either. He leaned over to rummage through an open backpack by the table leg, pulling out a bottle of water. Those heavy boots were surprisingly quiet on the wooden floor as he stalked over and thrust the water bottle into Stretch’s hands. He drank it gratefully, the cool water soothing on his parched tongue, only to nearly choke on a drenched yelp as wincingly brisk hands started dusting him off.

The other skeleton plucked free a straggly leaf that was clinging unknowingly to Stretch’s sleeve and held it up like an accusation, stating flatly, "You went in the corn field.”

Wow, this guy managed to fit a whole lot of disapproval into one sentence. He must’ve taken lessons at the same place as Blue. Probably aced the class.

“yeah,” Stretch admitted. He left off that the kids tried to stop him from going, always better to plead ignorance while you still could. “kinda got lost."

The other skeleton made a sound that was an honest to bits harrumph. He gave up on Stretch’s clothes, to be honest they hadn’t been in top form before he went into the corn field, and instead, holy shit, started poking at his actual bones.

Already the whole incident seemed more like a bad dream than reality, and now he was falling back into another dream, only this one was of a wet variety. It was really hard (heh) to stay traumatize with a guy this gorgeous unhesitatingly feeling him up. He was probably looking for injuries like a good Samaritan and an outside source needed to firmly (heh heh) tell Stretch’s bones that, because they sure weren’t listening to Stretch on the matter.

Hands skimmed down his ribs, sharp-tipped fingers cautious as they slid lower, ghosting over his shorts and the femurs beneath them. He crouched down to reach Stretch’s dirty sneakers, gently gliding over the delicate bones of his ankles and leaving behind a heat that was nothing like the sun’s.

Stretch took another long swig of cold water, nearly as desperate as his first but for entirely different reasons, and tried not to think of the skull that was currently level with his fly. Okay, he didn’t exactly want this to stop but he really, really, needed it to. He hoped the guy chalked up the renewed croak in his voice to lingering trauma. "um, thanks, but i’m okay. this scarecrow guy helped me."

“Ah, did Edgar Allen help you back out?” the guy said approvingly. “Good.”

Stretch tried not to look disappointed as he stood back up, seeming to decide there was no permanent damage from his unexpected ‘field trip’. At this point, any lingering aftereffects weren’t from the corn, and he took a shaky breath, sternly advising everything below the waist that systems were not at go, launch not in progress, abort, abort.

A distraction was in order.

Okay, so, no one in this town was at all surprised by the sentient scarecrow. Stretch didn’t pretend that he knew everything about the surface world, okay, this was his first time out of Ebott, but he was pretty sure that if this were the worldwide norm, he’d’ve heard about this once or twice; on the news, TMZ, twitter, something.

“edgar allen, right. um…soooooo, what is he?” Stretch asked.

That got him an impressively scornful look. “He’s a scarecrow.”

Yeah, okay, that was true, but Stretch wasn’t about to pretend that the scarecrow part of Edgar Allen was the debated issue right now. “scarecrows aren’t supposed to move. not on their own, anyway, and they really aren’t supposed to be able to offer opinions on the corn.”

“No?” The other skeleton waved a negligent hand as he turned away, heading to his chair as he tossed over his shoulder, “What should he be able to offer his opinion on, Paris fashions?” He settled into his chair, bending back over his book. “I’d appreciate it if you don’t tell him your personal theories on his condition, he doesn’t need that kind of negativity right now.”

“wha—of course i won’t, why would i…?” For a moment, Stretch felt absurdly guilty for his preconceived notions on scarecrows, then he shook it off because seriously? He went to the table and pulled out another chair, turning it around to straddle the battered seat. The other guy didn’t even look at him, right, right, he was a dick, how quickly a little unintentional petting made Stretch forget.

“is he a monster?” Stretch asked. That would sort of make sense, not that Stretch knew any Monsters who’d willingly sit in a field all day long. Then again, he guessed it depended on the hourly rate and what kind of signal you could get on your phone.

The other skeleton licked the tip of his finger before turning a page and it was seriously embarrassing how that little flick of crimson tongue threatened to make Stretch forget all his questions again. But what he said snapped Stretch back out of it. “Not at all. Quite the opposite, actually.”

“okay. hang on right there.” Stretch set his water bottle down and propped an elbow on the table. He rested his face in one hand, pressing a knuckle between his eye sockets where a headache was starting to form. “what does that even mean? what the fuck is up with this place?”

“There is nothing up with this place,” the other guy said, testily. Whether that was from Stretch’s questions or the fact that he was interrupting his reading was up for grabs. “This is normal here and if you’re having difficulty with it, then the problem is yours, not the town’s.”

“i don’t have a problem with it, i never said it was a problem…!” Stretch blew out a frustrated sigh, “look, i’m just trying to understand!”

The other skeleton still didn’t look up, his crimson eye lights focused on the page in front of him. His mouth curved into a smile that was almost bitter and a stern reminder of who he was because in that moment he looked very reminiscent of Red. “Understanding Backwater is a fool’s errand and I suggest you get used to not.” His eye lights flicked up briefly. “If you recall, I tried to get you to leave. You’re the one who wanted to stay.”

“i…yeah. i did. i still do,” Stretch said, defiantly, “wanting to understand doesn’t mean i want to leave, you know.” He left off the ‘asshole’; if this guy didn’t already know he was one, Stretch wasn’t gonna waste his time trying to tell him “edgar allen really helped me out, i was losing my shit out in that field.”

“That’s his job,” the guy said. See, that right there, that was an extra piece to the puzzle Stretch was struggling to make. Helping people out of the cornfield was Edgar Allen’s job as a sentient scarecrow, good to know, even if one of the townies might’ve wanted to bring it up before Stretch took a stroll through the stalks.

“his job. okay, i get that, but not in a paycheck sort of way, right?” No answer and Stretch hesitated, drumming his fingers on the table as he considered, “wonder if he gets bored out there, hanging out all day long in the corn. think he'd like a magazine or something? maybe a farmer's almanac?” Not like it could hurt to add a scarecrow to his friends list, but how could he get it to him, leave it right inside the field and give him a shout? Maybe the corn would give him a heads up, it sure seemed chatty when it wanted to be and—

He abruptly realized that the other skeleton was staring at him, but not in a scornful way this time. It was a little softer somehow, those sharp eye lights assessing.

“what?” Stretch asked, a little defensively.

A beat of silence, then, “He's usually sleeping if no one is in the field,” the skeleton said, finally, “But that's very thoughtful of you.”

“never hurts to repay a favor. how do you know so much about edgar allen, anyway? do all the locals know or are you special?” Stretch gave the room another quick glance; there were two other tables with their own chairs, the faded floral pattern on the cushions barely visible in the dimness. Tucked into one corner was an old-fashioned card catalogue and next to it was an ancient computer, the monitor showing only bright white text against a black screen and a blinking cursor. Only one table had any books on it, the one Daddy Long Legs here was using, and that was it. They really were alone in here and now that Stretch thought of it, that was kind of weird, wasn’t it? Should be at least one other person here, unless— “are you the librarian?”

“No,” the skeleton scoffed, “There is no librarian. And as to what I know, I simply pay attention. Simple observation can be very informative.”

“it hasn’t helped me out much yet.” Stretch leaned forward a little, lowering his voice conspiratorially, “you know, i still haven’t heard your name.”

“That would be because I haven't said it." But the skeleton gave him a faint smile and it was miles different than those past sardonic ones, soft and secretive. It shouldn’t have been fascinating, watching those sharp teeth curve warmly. "But if you ask, I may give it to you."

"for keepsies and everything?" Stretch teased, ignoring his slight breathlessness, seriously, he was not this hard up, he really must’ve gotten too much sun. "okay, how can i resist. what's your name?"

Crimson eye lights met his, a brief flicker, then back to the book. "You can call me Edge."

Stretch ignored the fluttering trill of delight in his soul, it was a name, for fuck’s sake, not an invitation. "edge,” he repeated, curling his tongue around that single, stark syllable. “that's some careful phrasing there, edge."

"Yes. It is,” the guy, Edge, agreed. “Nonetheless, that is what you can call me."

“edge,” Stretch said again, just to say it, “i like that."

Just in case Stretch got any ideas that he might not be a complete dick, Edge made sure to say as dry as glass of desert sand, “Wonderful, I've been waiting with bated breath for your reassurance. And if you want to know more about Edgar Allen, I’d suggest talking to his creator. You have a few weeks left, the scarecrow will be around until harvest time.”

Stretch frowned in confusion; what the hell did that mean? “what happens after harvest time?”

“He ceases to exist,” Edge said, matter of fact, “like all the scarecrows before him.” Yeah, because everyone knew that, right, who didn’t, that was probably kindergarten shit around here.

Only Stretch obviously hadn’t been around for that class. Stretch lurched backwards, accidently knocking over the water bottle and almost tipping over his chair as he blurted out, “what? he dies??”

Edge caught the bottle before it could roll onto the floor, setting it back upright. “He’d have to be properly alive to die. As I said, if you’d like to know more, ask his creator.”

“who, the wicked witch at the end of the woods? no thanks,” Stretch shook his head, which was still reeling from the knowledge that the guy who’d save him this afternoon was going to go kaput before Halloween. It wasn’t enough time, not at all, he hadn’t even figured out how to get him a magazine, how to properly thank him. Just another incident of ‘not fair’ to add to his lifetime, “i already had my children of the corn adventure, i’m not interested in adding any red riding hood to my agenda. doesn’t really go with my work schedule.”

Edge only arched a browbone, “On the contrary, his creator is my roommate.”

Wow, this guy really did like dropping puzzle pieces into Stretch’s lap, didn’t he, if only he’d do other lap-related—stop it, he told himself, then aloud, “oh, so you do live someplace. your bro wouldn’t tell me where.”

“A remarkable astute choice on his part.”

“i mean, you're already living rent-free in my head." Shit, shit, Stretch knew he didn’t mean to say that, but apparently his mind hadn’t sent the memo down to his mouth yet that Red’s sexy brother was off-limits, caution tape engaged.

"I…what?" Edge only looked confused and yeah, okay, dipping his toe into the flirting pond was only gonna give him wet feet. Tempting as a fling might be, Red was against it and Stretch didn’t really blame him. Just because Edge was single didn’t mean he wanted a starring role in Stretch’s shitty Hallmark movie and a fling was all it could be, a quick little rebound fuck, and his boss/landlord’s little brother was not the right choice for it, nope, nope, nope.

But, oh, honey, those hips—

“never mind,” Stretch said hurriedly, “what are you reading, anyway.”

“I’m doing research.” Dismissively, a pretty big clue that Edge was done with this particular chat. Stretch’s knees were doing a lot better, it was probably time to head out back to the store and surely Red could put him in touch with Edge’s roommate if he was really curious about Edgar Allen. He should go, should, but.

Stretch didn’t want to leave yet. Stupidly, he really wanted this guy’s tally mark on Doris’s side of the friendship list. Red was over there now, Edgar Allen was hovering in neutral territory, and Mitch was still firmly on the other side of the page, and hey, if a fling was off the table, friends might still be up for grabs, right?

“yeah?” Stretch craned his neck, squinting at the page, “maybe i could help.”

“I sincerely doubt it.”

Stretch ignored that, “come on, i know how to research.” Stretch grabbed one of the books from the stack and flipped through, pausing to frown down at the page. “uh. what language is this?” He wasn’t even entirely sure it was a language.

Edge almost ripped the book from his hands, snarling out, “What it is, is from the restricted section and none of your business!”

Stung, Stretch looked around the library. It was literally one room, not so much as an extra door in sight, not even a restroom. “restricted section? where? do you keep them locked up on the roof?”

Edge took a long, deep breath in through his nasal cavity, then ground out through gritted teeth, “Do you mind? I’d like to get on with it. I do not need your help, I don’t need anything from you!”

“sorry, sorry,” Stretch mumbled, cringing inwardly. He just had to push it, didn’t he, every fucking time, Blue always tried to tell him that slow and easy was the way to go, but, no, couldn’t do that, now could he? Stupid, so stupid, always, and Stretch slid clumsily off the chair to his feet and headed for the door. Even then he couldn’t help adding, “see you around.”

Guess he could add this guy’s name beneath Mitch’s in the ‘hates me’ column.

He wasn’t two steps away when a soft, “Wait,” stopped him.

Stretch turned back around, hardly daring to let the hope well in his soul. Edge was sitting sideways in his chair and he sighed, scrubbing a hand over his skull, fingers clattering against the smooth bone, “I’m sorry. That was rude of me.”

“it’s fine,” Stretch said hurriedly, “i’m the outsider here, right?”

“Yes.” Edge said, a simple agreement. “But that’s no excuse. You’re very fond of questions, perhaps you’d care to answer mine. Tell me, why are you here?”

Stretch hesitated, then shrugged. Not like Red didn’t already know. “broke up with my boyfriend. it…kinda sucked, and i wanted to get out of my hometown for a while.” The memory was enough to finish cooling off any of his overheated jets and almost absently he rubbed his sternum, right over the faint, lingering ache where his soul sat.

Edge frowned, his sockets narrowing in irritation, "If you’re not going to tell the truth, then you can just say you don’t want to talk about it."

Huh?

“hold up, what?” Stretch asked, bewildered. Like he needed any other confusion today.

“That’s not why you’re here,” Edge said decisively, with enough arrogant confidence to grate over Stretch’s already raw nerves.

“uh, yeah, it is,” Stretch said, his own irritation rising, why did he want to be friends with this guy again? “i think i’d know better than anyone.” He ignored the taste rising at the back of his throat, faint bitterness that refused to be swallowed away, and yeah, okay, maybe, it wasn’t the entire reason, but like Edge’s name, you took what you could get.

“Then you don’t know yourself as well as you believe.” Edge stood up then and walked over the shelves and Stretch followed him, more to watch the sway of his hips than to see check out the local dewy decimal layout. Hey, if he was going to deal with the asshole outbursts, he should at least get to enjoy the view.

Edge barely had to search before he pulled one off the shelf and held it out. “You should check out a book. As I said, there’s no librarian, it’s all based on trust. Write the catalogue number on the record and have it back in two weeks.”

Stretch looked at the book Edge was holding out. It was a thick, hardback novel, heavy enough to use for self-defense or maybe against alien invaders with a lethal allergy to paper cuts. “nah, i think i’ll stick to the movies.”

“Read this book,” Edge said and there was a certain urgency in his voice, in the way he held the book.

Stretch sighed inwardly and took it. This guy was hot as hell, yeah, like the town, and just as peculiar. He turned the book over and read from the spine, ‘An Informal History of Backwater.’ He looked back up. “what, is the formal history too posh for me?”

“Just read it,” Edge said, impatiently.

“yeah, okay, i can do that,” Stretch sighed. It had to be better than nightly ‘Wheel of Fortune.’ Then, because he was an idiot and always liked a chance to prove it, he said, “so, if you think i need to talk to your roomie about edgar allen, does that mean you’re inviting me over to your place?”

“No, it means you need to do your own research and find them,” Edge smiled then, suddenly, wide and bright, “But if you happen to find your way down the path, I may feed you when you get there, Riding Hood.”

Stretch stared helplessly at that smile. All his irritation melted away as he tried not to see the way it changed Edge’s entire face, suffusing those sharp angles with softened warmth.

He shouldn’t, he really shouldn’t, and it wasn’t exactly the kind of dinner invitation any normal person might’ve hoped for, but then, Stretch was starting to learn that if he wanted normal, he should’ve stayed on the bus.

“okay, then,” Stretch said, trying for something at least slightly above inane, “i’ll, uh, start looking for grandma’s house.”

“You do that.” With that, Edge went back over to the table, sitting back down in front of his book, and Stretch knew he was dismissed.

Okay, well, not exactly a friend yet, but he was still adding this one to the tentative win column. First, read the book and then he’d start on the new puzzle of finding out where Edge and his roommate lived. He wasn't as good at puzzles as his brother, sure, but Stretch was pretty sure he could manage that.

He did hope the whole Riding Hood gig was a joke, though. Stretch wasn’t really interested in meeting the big bad wolf right about now.

tbc

[mkstrigidae]

Okay so I'm making my way through your masterlist and I'm in love?? Like let's start off with Winter's Child- a masterpiece. You make Sansa a loving and relatable character and interweave the powers into cannon in a way that actually makes cannon make more sense (preconceived biases and such). Jon and Sansa's relationship is SO SWEET and they way they bonded was absolutely adorable (and the backstory with the houses and the powers they have make so much sense) 1/3

(2/3) Neon Rain literally the best Cyberpunk AU! I've ever read. Like what you did with the world building?? The stark class differences (haha see what I did there?), the choices in SOUND, and I could FEEL myself there! I love the family dynamics between the Starks and I'm loving the little details you're dropping with the Greyjoy's , Jon's parentage, and all of the medical procedures. Jon is dramatic af and I love it and Sansa is a bamf AS SHE SHOULD. Nothing but love for this

(3/3) A Past Worth Having has a special place in my heart. You build up this setting like a tapestry, just seeing more richness and depth the longer you look. I'm proud of Sansa for holding her composure, just FEELING in the angst that the older Starks feel at her return, and loving the relationships with Robin and the rest of the Starks + Jon Arryn. The detail that you're putting into the investigation/Oberyn is awe inspiring and I can't wait to see what you do next with the trial + Jonsa

Haha thank you so much!!! This is such a sweet ask to get! My response is under a cut, because this might get kind of long! (lots of my own meta below, bc i accidentally had a lot to say, haha)

With ‘Winter’s Child’ I’ve really enjoyed weaving in fantasy elements to the world because I like to look at stories and pick at loose threads until they unravel and asking ‘what if?’. I thought it would be a super interesting concept to take a character like Sansa, who in ASOIAF is exactly what she is supposed to be as a noblewoman of her class and conforms very well in that role, and put her in a position where she was essentially a societal outcast in a lot of ways! In WC, Sansa has a lot of similar coping mechanisms to ASOIAF Sansa, in that she sort of romanticizes society to avoid thinking about how absolutely awful it is. In ASOIAF, Sansa holds tight to the notion of knights and chivalry and courtly love to cope with the fact that she essentially has no control over her future and, as a woman, is basically property. In WC, I have her really struggling to make herself into that perfect lady and using that as a sort of shield to the fact that, without a gift, there isn’t anything she can do to improve her lot in life. Sansa has these ideas about becoming a perfect lady and hoping that being perfect in other areas will ‘make up’ for what society perceives as deficient about her, but is more jaded than ASOIAF Sansa due to her age and her earlier exposure to the ills of society. So you get a Sansa who gets along better with Arya and Jon as a result, in part because she’s had that exposure to what it’s like to be an outcast in society. I think that the best fantasy has a really strong emotional backdrop (a really great example is ‘Fruits Basket’ which starts by hooking you with this wacky, fun premise about people in a family turning into animals when hugged by a member of the opposite sex, and slowly builds into a point where you can see that the family ‘curse’ is a representation of generational and familial abuse- of bonds that should be broken, and of bonds that may kill us even as we cling to them- it’s extremely complex and rich and if you haven’t read or watched it, I can’t recommend it highly enough), and so while I really love writing about the fantasy aspects, and writing scenes where Sansa does really cool things with her ice powers, the core of the story is really about Sansa coming into her own, and learning that she was a person who was worth something even without any sort of gift. Sort of overcoming societal stigma and realizing your worth and forcing others to see it. It’s so much fun to write, but i’m stuck at the moment, because i need to reread the books, and my roommate is borrowing them right now haha!

God, APWH is like, indulging my inner world-building suspense-narrative loving writer persona. It’s literally my all time favorite trope- which is of someone growing up to find out that they’re a long-lost somebody or have family they never knew about- combined with a lot of research on trauma (which i’ve been doing for academic and other reasons for a while) and a lot of slowly growing psychological horror courtesy of Petyr Baelish (trust me, it’s going to get WAY more intense). There are so many pieces of media that I love, but I think that GRRM has so many characters and such a well fleshed out world that it’s very fun to dive into his worlds and create something there. Inherently, I love a slowly unraveling mystery and morally gray characters, and this is allowing me to indulge in both!!! World-building is my favorite, because i tend to be fairly detail oriented, and i’ve been laying bread crumbs in so many places throughout the story to hopefully build up to a decent conclusion! I know sort of how it ends, and I think people are going to absolutely lose their minds if I execute it correctly. We have a few chapters to go until we get to anything in the semblance of a trial- there’s some more emotional aspects that I think need to get addressed first, and so I’m so grateful that people are so supportive of being willing to wait for the Jonsa, because they really start spending a lot of time with each other during the trial and prior to the trial (i’m a big believer in bonding via long car rides and so there’s a lot of that!). I’m just so humbled and awed by the response to it- I never dreamed that people would enjoy the story this much- when I started it, I was writing a light-hearted family piece that wouldn’t be too long, and, uh, it kind of evolved from there. Clearly, I am not good at keeping things concise haha.

I left Neon Rain for last, because your comments on this one really made me smile! Of all of my stories, oddly enough, Neon Rain is actually the most deeply personal for me, and I’m just so flattered at your kind words! I spend a lot of my time thinking about the flaws inherent in our society, and without getting too detailed, Sansa’s experience with a family member struggling in the medical system is not unfamiliar to me. There’s a weight that comes with the realization that a system that is supposed to care for people is based on capitalistic ideals of profit maximization, and as someone who has experience working in the healthcare system- no matter how bad you think it is in the US, I can promise you it’s actually worse.

Neon Rain actually just started out as a series of mental images from listening to music that I had to get down on paper, and evolved from there. I actually really love the ‘soulmates’ and ‘class differences’ and ‘mastermind art thief’ tropes, but am incapable of writing fun stories without thinking about the reality of those tropes (see APWH for another extreme example of this haha), and so as I was writing and trying to capture this mental image, the rest of the world began unfolding around me. Jon is different because of a different upbringing here, and so is Sansa, and to see the formerly idealistic Sansa become so jaded by the time she meets her soulmate is just catnip for me. You have this interesting dynamic between them, because Jon wants nothing more than to have Sansa in his life, and give her everything she wants and needs, but where the old Sansa (who was arguably middle-class and somewhat naive, as financially secure teenagers understandably tend to be) would have swooned over that, the Sansa who meets Jon when the story begins is seeing the world and all the unfair and unequal systems in it. She can’t just live happily ever after with him right away- there’s a sense of guilt there, of sansa not feeling like she deserves nice things, and there’s also Sansa’s deep sense of compassion and kindness that won’t allow her to just live life as the well taken-care-of girlfriend of a wealthy man, because she isn’t able to just put on blinders and pretend that all the injustice in the world around her doesn’t exist, simply because it wouldn’t affect her that way anymore.

I think that the core to writing Sansa, for me, in any universe, is that she is a kind and compassionate person who is capable of feeling sympathy towards even the people who have done horrific things to her and her family- that emotional awareness and empathy is a harsh thing to have in a world like Neon Rain, and in our own world, honestly. I’m so glad that you appreciate Sansa’s BAMF-ness in the story- I think that her chapters demonstrate that she is capable of doing extraordinary things when she’s doing them for people she cares for, to be kind (The scene where Alayne helps Robin down from the eyrie is most indicative of this I think), and so in this world, I just love having Sansa be a complete badass out of necessity. Also, it’s fanfiction, and I really wanted to give Sansa a cool motorcyle, because no one else was gonna do it!!!

Also, my characters like to run away with me, and before I knew it, Rodrik Greyjoy had a huge adorable crush on Sansa in the story that I immensely enjoy writing. The Greyjoys are fun because they’re all absolutely insane, and i’m a total sucker for ‘gruff dangerous character is completely a sucker for the kind sunshine-y character’ trope.

God, this accidentally got really long??? I’m sorry- thank you so much for such a kind ask!!! I love hearing what people think of my stories, and this was so sweet :)

[perthshirecottage]

Okay this wound up way longer than I thought it was going to. I was thinking about little Five in the apocalypse and finding Vanya’s book. Has anyone ever thought about how much Vanya’s book influenced Five and his perception of his siblings? Because I think about that and I haven’t really seen too many posts about that so here’s my two cents.

Five was only 13 when he got stuck in the apocalypse and yet he comes back acting like he knows these 29 years old versions of his siblings. Five obsessively reading the book actually explains why he comes back and immediately thinks every single one of his siblings besides Vanya are stupid and useless despite not having seen any of them in 45 years. The book would have been written to make Vanya the poor sympathetic victim and her father and siblings the villain of her story. 45 years is a long time and I’m sure Five has forgotten plenty of details about his siblings. He still has his own faded memories of the people he remembers and so he might remember bits and pieces that weren’t in the book but those memories would be influenced by the things Vanya had written and perhaps make him question if he was remembering correctly. Not to mention Vanya’s book is the only written account of the kind of people they became and Vanya made sure she was the only one who came across in a flattering light. Five would have read about Klaus and his spiral into addiction and how he stole and lied to his siblings. How Allison became even more shallow and vain. How Luther was almost cruel in his need to be the leader, acting more and more like dad every day. Deigo was selfish and only cared about making sure everyone knew he was better than them and he was angry and bitter when he couldn’t. And Vanya would have written herself as the saint who endured all of this only to be tossed aside like a broken doll that no one wanted. Of course Five is going to lean towards seeing things Vanya’s way. Her voice is the only influence he had on knowing who his siblings became. The only fact that Five would have kept alive outside of Vanya’s influence is that he loves his siblings. I don’t say any of this to diminish what Vanya went through. She *did* suffer. But so did everyone else in that house. And Vanya’s book would not have shown that because she didn’t think anyone else suffered the way she did. She thought she was treated horribly and abused while her siblings were living the high life of being extraordinary and that she had to be the martyr for living through that. So Five, young and impressionable and all alone would have had Vanya’s voice in his ear telling him all the reasons why she was the only good person in that house, the only one that was competent and could be trusted. Five would have felt more of a kinship towards Vanya than anyone else because her book would have endeared him to her. Unfortunately when he got there and Vanya didn’t believe him it went against the Vanya that Five had created in his head. Because none of Five’s siblings were quite the people that Vanya had portrayed in her book, not even herself. And Five has had to adapt to anything the world has thrown at him so he just rolls with it. He also didn’t have time feel any loss at his preconceived notions being wrong because, you know the apocalypse was in 8 days.

I don’t know the exactly what the kids’ relationships were like growing up, and I know that Vanya wrote about how Five was her only confidant. How he was the only one who cared, but that is the voice of someone who is 15 years past what happened and seeing things with rose tinted glasses. I know the popular opinion is that Five and Vanya were the absolute best of friends and everyone else was just sort of there, but that’s based on a head shake, a name called, what Vanya said, and the fact the Five went to Vanya first. That’s not to say that Five and Vanya were not friends, but I don’t think that Vanya was Five’s only friend. Because of their dad’s influence no one wanted to hang out with Vanya that much but since Five did that meant that he was her best friend. And Five left and so those are the memories that Vanya held onto to but I highly doubt that Five hung out with Vanya and only Vanya. The fact that Five had enough love and connection to endure 45 years of hell to get back to his entire family and not just Vanya shows that five had to have had an honest connection to *all* of his siblings. At 13 I’m sure that Five played with all of his siblings and had a relationship with each of them. In flashbacks he was arrogant and smart but also a little silly and playful and he wasn’t as stressed and mean as he is in the show because he hadn’t endured 45 years of trauma. And while yes, I do think Five was probably closer to Klaus, Ben, and Vanya, if only because Allison and Luther were caught and up in each other and Diego had latched into their mom, it doesn’t mean that Five didn’t hang out with people who weren’t Vanya. He would have bonded with everyone else over things that Vanya couldn’t understand. Vanya thought getting a tattoo would have been cool, and wanted one only because she was left out while everyone else knew how frightening and traumatic the whole thing was. Vanya didn’t endure training sessions and know how brutal those could be. She didn’t go on missions and experience how thrilling they could be when they went right but that also meant she never felt the panic and desperation and fear when they went wrong. Back to my point which is that Vanya would have only had good things to say about Five and how close they were. Vanya probably would have written about how everyone didn’t seem to mind that much about Five going missing because that gave them more room to shine and how she was the only one to make him peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches and leave the lights on for him because she was his best friend and the only one who cared about him. so of course Five is going to come out years later remembering how close he and Vanya were because her book would have influenced his memories. He wouldn’t as clearly be able to remember joking around with Klaus or sitting around complaining about training with Diego or those moments where he and Ben would sit in compainiable science while reading or how he and Luther would excitedly talk about whatever new science fact they had learned that day or how he and Allison would laugh over some of the more ridiculous articles that were written about the esteemed Umbrella Academy. Vanya’s account of their friendship would have made Five feel closer to her than anyone else. And I’m sure Five would have felt a connection to Vanya’s portrayal of complete isolation. Five understands on a visceral level what it means to be cut off from everyone and everything and he would have felt this kinship with Vanya over that as well.

Which brings us to season 2. Five still loves Vanya and wants to protect her, but Vanya also isn’t the same person he thought she was. She is more angry and vindictive than he thought. And the rest of the siblings aren’t quite what Five had built up in his head either. Klaus isn’t just a lying junkie, but also empathetic and sad. Diego isn’t just an angry number 2 but has a protective streak a couple miles wide. Luther isn’t just Dad’s lackey but is someone who just wants to protect his family but is floundering in figuring out who he is. Allison isn’t completely focused on herself but wants to be a better sister, a better person. Five is reminded more of the people he knew when he was 13. He is reminded that Vanya has some bad qualities but that those don’t diminish the good ones. He is also reminded that the others are not just the horrid useless people from Vanya’s book, but people who are hurting just like him (even if he still knows he had it worst) and who are good and loving people that he wants to reconnect with. And so seeing them in this new light and also realizing that leaving people out of the loop is what caused the last apocalypse, Five puts more trust in his family and tries to bring them together to stop this new apocalypse. He wants to be closer and work with and spend time getting to know this version of his siblings. In S1 when Five is given a minute to breathe because he thinks the apocalypse is over, he realizes that all he wants to do is grow up and be with his family. He wants to just be, without a mission, without an apocalypse. He is tired of fighting and clinging to rage to keep his adrenaline up just so he can function to get through his exhaustion and pain to save the world. He wants to connect to his family. He wants to know all of them. And Five is willing to do whatever he has to get the chance to truly know his siblings on his own terms and not through someone else’s skewed perspective. Five is even willing to fight Vanya because again, he is seeing that she is willing to toss away all of his hard work because she cares more about her selfish desires than going home which is all Five has wanted for 45 years not to mention the fact that he hasn’t had a single break in two weeks. Of course it’s not just Vanya, everyone does get sidetracked by their own personal problems and Five winds up just about losing his mind. Even older, younger Five shows that Five is automatically going to side with Vanya for destroying the world. This Five hasn’t been rejected by Vanya or seen her get angry or been reminded that his family is more than just the bad people in Vanya’s book so when he finds out that Vanya destroyed the world because she was ignored then he is like yeah that tracks. Five has seen all of his siblings too long through Vanya’s eyes and he deserves the chance to know them himself.

Five has lived far longer without his family than he did with them plus he was so young when he left that he wouldn’t have had that many years of concious memories. So Vanya and her book would have had just as much of an impact on his life as the apocalypse did.

[norealnameshere]

Arie Rambles About Text Hypnosis!

(A long writing/essay about what I’ve learned about text hypnosis and the stuff I commonly tell people when they ask about it. :3 )

I adore text hypnosis. I’ve had chances to experience all of the main hypnosis mediums (other than in person, text, voice, video being the others) from BOTH sides, as a tist and as a subject, and text hypnosis is still probably my favorite. 

It also seems to be the least known and least liked of all the mediums, and I’ve found myself writing and rewriting information about and defenses of it time and time again, and I had the idea to write up a neat little document to share and save myself some time. X3

In this (extremely long) piece of writing, I will mostly be addressing a lot of the questions and complaints I’ve heard from people when I tell them I do text hypnosis. The main parts will be a discussion of trance states, the complaints people tend to make, a list of advantages vs disadvantages (and some suggestions for dealing with them), and a bit about tips and tricks and advice from what I do and what I’ve done. X3

Before I begin, I still very much consider myself an amateur, please do not take this as straight fact, it is merely a writeup of my opinions and what I’ve experienced. (At the time of writing, I’ve been doing text hypno as a subject for about a year and a half, and as a tist for about a year.)

Introduction, mostly about kinds of trance states

A lot of the misconceptions about text hypno are at heart misconceptions about hypnosis itself - I’ve also done a LOT of working with newbies and introducing them to hypnosis, and I always tell them that the first thing to do is to toss away pretty much whatever their preconceived notions are. Film/tv shows/books and stage/street hypnosis are fun to watch, but what they portray are very specific ways of approaching trance - possible, yes, but not common in actuality.

The popular image of hypnosis is of someone going limp, eyes closed, unable to move, barely able to respond aloud. Or, as in many thriller/spy movies, someone hypnotized against their will, brainwashed and able to be set off with a single word to go do...whatever they’ve been programmed to do. And those are POSSIBLE, just not at all common. (The second usually requires a great deal of drugs and other bad shenanigans, but that would be another topic for another informational writing. Perhaps I’ll write on subject agency one day. Likely I’ll not. xD)

However, trance states come in a HUGE variety of appearances, and there are some that happen in everyday life, outside of hypnosis. The most common one mentioned is if you’re driving along and find yourself at your destination without really noticing the journey along the way. Another is reading a page of a book and realizing that you can’t really remember any of what you just read. ‘Zoning out’ is a type of trance state. I like to consider those uncontrolled trance states, and hypnosis and meditation guided trance states. (And the difference between those, to me, is like someone walking ahead of you and leading you down a path (Meditation) vs someone taking your hand and pulling you down a path (Hypnosis))

(I always tell newbies in a first session that if they feel lightly relaxed, I consider it a success. Like any other skill, it is something you can build on and deepen *pun intended*. ;3)

And people can trance differently at different times - most of the time I’m ‘down’, I’m just very still and seem to focusing intently on the computer screen, either waiting for words if its text hypno or listening for words if its voice or video. I have gotten to a point where I can go body limp, face blank, completely out of it levels of trance, but it’s not something that happens commonly, and not something I want to have happen commonly. I very much prefer the kind of trance state where you can listen and react and are in an incredibly suggestible state. ;3

Complaints and Misconceptions, Mentioned and Addressed.

WITH THAT SAID, let’s get back to text hypnosis. 

There’s a few major complaints and misconceptions about text hypnosis, and I’ll go through them one by one with the common points I make in response.

“Text hypnosis can’t be real, because in real hypnosis the subject goes completely limp and there’s no way they can type.” (This is an actual thing said to me by a supposedly trained and credited tist I was negotiating a session with. When I tried to say actually, that’s not true, he sent pictures of his girlfriend to ‘prove real trance looks like this’, and jumped down my throat when I asked if he had permission to do that. I’ve had some interesting people in my DMs in the past. xD)

- Those paragraphs up there about trance states? Yep, that, that’s how I usually respond. (Although I may or may not have gotten REAL detailed about some of the things I’ve done while under in text hypno when I responded to the interesting individual I mentioned. x3)

“I don’t understand how someone can type while they’re tranced.”

- Unless you’re someone who genuinely struggles with typing and has to consider every key as you press it, in general typing is not exactly an active thought activity. Most of the time you don’t go ‘I need to type yes, so I’m going to press the y key now, and the e key now, and the s key now. Often, you don’t even think ‘I am typing the word yes now.”, you just...think words and type them as you go, without even directly thinking about the keyboard.

However, it is also something you can work on making easier and more natural. When I’m working with someone new who is uncertain about typing while in trance, I will start by not making them for the first session, I’ll take them down, then bring them up again and check in on them and ask for feedback. I tell them that any questions they see during trance they can answer aloud or in their mind, whatever works well for them. When they’re comfortable with that level, I’ll start having them answer with a y for yes and an n for no (and make sure to ask only yes/no questions). We’ll work up from there as necessary. :)

“I hate text hypnosis because there’s no feedback.”

- I will grant that feedback is not as immediate as it is in voice/video/in person. You cannot hear or see the person and know, moment by moment, how they appear to be doing. However, there are many ways of getting feedback, and sight/sound are not the only ones by a long shot. 

Especially in a first session, I tend to do a series of short drops - taking someone down a little bit, bringing them up, and checking in on how everything is going, what’s worked well, what hasn’t worked as well, etc. Not only is this a good way of getting feedback of how things are going, it also serves to fractionate the subject a little. ;3

As you do more text hypnosis, you also get to know things to watch for - responses starting to slow down, grammar and spelling changing, fuzzy typing (oh gods, I love fuzzy typing~), etc. Having that history of what was typed means you can also have your subject read back over what happened and give you feedback based on that - I know quite a few people whose memories get fuzzy about what actually happened in sessions, but having that record can jog the memory and help them go ‘oh yeah, that happened, and this could have gone better, and...”

Sometimes I feel like it’s *better* feedback in the long run, because I can scroll back through the history and see what I’ve done in the past and how it’s worked. Since I started doing mostly voice hypno with my pets, I’ve missed having that record, because I have a terrible memory. ^^”

“Text hypnosis is fake, it’s all just roleplayers.”

- Sometimes, yes. Usually that’s something you can figure out if you make sure you have a good, thorough discussion and negotiation beforehand, to find out what everyone involved wants out of the session. If it’s something that really bothers you, make sure to include it in your list of questions.

I would say this is a VERY important thing to find out if it’s someone you’re planning on doing an extended number of sessions with, but that’s also the kind of person you should have constant ongoing discussions with anyways. (Hell, I’ve been with my tist and my pets for a long while now, and we still periodically have negotiations. Things change and need to be rediscussed. It happens. :3)

If it’s a one off session, well...at least you’re getting practice with your writing, right?

(I will update this from time to time with other frequent questions or complaints I hear or receive.)

Advantages vs Disadvantages

Now for something a little more fun! Advantages of text vs the other mediums, as well as disadvantages and how to overcome them. :3 (This is definitely a section I’ll update over time, as I think of more things to add. ^-^)

Advantages:

- One of the absolute best things about text is the record it leaves. Unless you record your sessions, voice and video and in person sessions are left only in the memories of the participants. In text, unless the place you’re typing in is deleted after a certain point (or if someone edits their text afterwards, tho’ that actually can be fun too, and I’ll address it later. ;3), you have this useful record of what you did, what was said. 

This is great for multiple reasons. The first and biggest one for me is how much it helps, considering my memory issues - I have a shitty memory, and forget things way too easily. On both tist and sub side, it’s great to be able to scroll back and reread what happened in a session. Second, rereading is a great way to relive and refeel those memories (especially if you miiiiight possibly have the ability to reexperience memories almost as strong as the moment they were made, coughcough) which is also hella good for conditioning. (;3) Third, it can be fun to link back to certain points or use bits of the written record against people. You can tease them with things they wrote, reference past experiences, or (and this is definitely absolutely completely hypothetical and not something I’ve had done to me at ALL, oh no. >.>) leave little ‘traps’ if you know they reread - “When you reread this, send ‘this message’ to me so I know you did, and then forget~” kinds of things.

This fact can also help if you have different schedules or are in different time zones, you can leave short written bits for the other, delayed action traps so to speak that go off when read - not as a replacement for active sessions, but a fun supplement. :3

- Related to this idea but in a different direction, you can create...hmm, kind of ‘homework assignments’ for a subject to read later, or read over and over again. VERY useful for conditioning, especially if you have a suggestion or an order of ‘once you have finished reading this, write [this sentence] to me to let me know you have read it.’

- Another HUGE advantage of text is privacy. I still live with my family and, while I have the benefit of a basement room, interruptions are common and curious ears are a possibility. For people who live with roommates or with bedrooms in the house closer to family members, privacy becomes even more critical. On the subject side there might be some visual signs of what’s happening, depending on what’s being done and how they trance, but overall on both sides it will just look like concentrating intently on the screen and typing, just like writing an email or visiting with people on a discord. 

As a side note to that, you can also do fun things like be innocently sitting in a voice channel with them, chatting with other people, while sending them suggestions or triggers in text, and watch them try not to react, try to resist. ;3

- Just like there are certain tricks only doable in voice or video or in person, there are things you can do in text that aren’t easily replicated in text. 

Just a few ideas off the top of my head are using formatting for various kinds of emphasis (italics and bold are great for helping to add ‘tone’ to your typing, strikethrough can be a fun way to tease someone or to say something you’re too flustery to admit openly, spoiler text can be used to tempt someone and trick them or trap them); italics can be used to denote ‘actions’, which some people either have or can develop the ability to ‘feel’; making use of brackets for different effects (anything I write within {these} you obey immediately and then forget doing is a big one. I’ve created an ability for like...the back part of my head to communicate with my tist even when the active part of my head is dropped, which is pretty useful to be able to go {hey, that thing you suggested got interpreted wrong and I’m kinda stuck now}, and report on things without having to actually come back up. x3); tying triggers or suggestions to emotes to have innocent seeming ways to play with someone or fluster them; and so many more. X3

- Text hypnosis is a godsend for people with hearing or speech problems. I have certain hearing issues that make it hard for me to hear people with certain voice pitches, especially when over a phone or a voice channel. It can break immersion and be frustrating if you have to keep asking for someone to repeat what they’ve said or repeat yourself for someone. You don’t have to worry about volume control or if your microphone is picking up everything you’re saying, don’t have to worry about people misunderstanding your accent, don’t have to worry that you’re mishearing something and responding in the wrong way. 

- One of the biggest reasons I love text hypnosis is the small amount of space I have to think about what I’m writing before I send it. I am WORLDS more creative with my phrasing in text as opposed to in voice, because I don’t have to worry about stammering or stuttering or hesitating while I figure out where I’m going next. Plus I have a tiny amount of time to change what I’m sending before I hit send, if I realize mid sentence that its not what I want to say. I can be thinking about the next line while I’m still typing the last one, but I can’t think of the next sentence while I’m in the middle of saying the current one.

- Seeing a whole page full of typed mantras is lovely, just saying. ;3

Disadvantages (and potential fixes!)

- Biggest one is lack of immediate feedback, which I discussed earlier. :3

- Those who aren’t as skilled at typing or reading may find themselves having some issues. One of the things that brings me out of trace the fastest is having to wait for too long - this is a major disadvantage for tists who are slow typists. ^^”

This problem does present more of a difficulty to get past than some, but I do have some suggestions to try. One thing I’ve done (and that can also be useful if internet flickers and having ‘buffering time’ so to speak, for ANY medium that uses the internet) is to account for that at the beginning with something like “If there is quiet for a moment, you’ll find yourself quietly rereading the last few lines you’ve received, each line you read helping to keep you calm and keep you deep.” or “Any time there is a pause in the words you read for more than a few seconds, you’ll find yourself focusing on [some spot on the screen].’ Specifically on discord, the ‘someone is typing’ message can be useful as a focus anchor.

I don’t approve of copy/paste text hypno in the most part, but perhaps if speedy typing is not something you’re good at, and if it’s a basic induction, AND if you tell your subject what you’re doing, then I could see using it to help make up for slower typing. It’s often easier to keep someone in trance with slower typing than it is to take them down in the first place. You could also possibly give them a written induction file to basically prime the pump. The key is to talk to the subject and find out which, if any of these options are potentially usable. (Also make sure you write your own induction, don’t just copy someone else script.) I would suggest being ready to throw in some in the moment typed lines as well, reacting to things the subject may say. Be ready to improv a little.

- This is more of a problem with manipulative, bad tists than with text hypnosis specifically, but a written record could be used against you (in the same way that someone could secretly record you in the other ways and then use them against you). Be very careful about what information you share with people, basic internet safety stuff, okay?

Also watch out for if someone edits or deletes that record in an attempt to gaslight you or mess with you. If that’s a concern, you can make backup copies of sessions to keep on your computer so you always have the original to consult. Most chat programs that allow editing will also indicate that the original has been edited, so that can also help.

And finally, a few tips and tricks I’ve picked up, basically things I’ve found fun to do, from either side. X3

Assorted Tips and Tricks

- Text is AMAZING for teasing. I am actually known and am infamous for my teasing (there is a server where I helped contribute to a week of so much teasing in general chat that they designated a separate channel for heavy teasing. x3) - I started dabbling in teasing for weeks before I actually tried my hand at any actual hypnosis. (Teasing is wonderful in voice, too, but I have noticed sometimes if someone is chatting normally, then suddenly throws out something teasing, it can be easy to miss it among the normal chat. It’s much harder to miss when it’s in text, especially if accompanied with an emote. ;3)

In text you can also leave teasing messages for someone to see later, maybe after they’ve gone to sleep, or while they’re playing games, or distracted in voice chat somewhere. Like a fun little trap they spring later, and you get a lovely ‘hfouiwenfkwje!!’ later. x3

It’s also fun to have ‘in jokes’, so to speak, and to slyly slip those words and phrases in with normal talking, and get people flustering that way. (For instance, if you use a certain kind of imagery to drop someone, like balloons, and then find ways to slide balloon references into your typing to remind a subject of that session.)

- Group hypnosis is a lot of fun - there’s a few places I’m in that have text channels that allow open hypno, and slyly twisting around the conversation and playing with words until you catch a bunch of people and set them drifting is fuuuun.

It’s also sometimes easier than in voice, because either you have everyone mute and you feel like you’re talking into a void, or you have a chaos of overlapping voices. In a group text session, you can often begin with something like ‘the more you see others type the same kind of responses you do, the more the phrases affect you.’ I have seen cases where you have almost group mantras going on, and the people involved said seeing the others typing definitely added to the experience.

- If you DO have an opportunity to do voice at least once, or once in a while, you can make use of that to add to your text hypnosis - I have some people I have done BOTH with, and they said that they were pretty quickly able to ‘hear’ my voice in my typed words - I actually try very hard to match my written style to my talking style for that very reason. :)

I also have a few emotes that apparently really resemble expressions I’ve done in video before, and I can make use of those emotes to evoke memories of those expressions, and things I’ve done while grinning just THAT way~ ;3

Conclusion

So!

Almost a month after I started and many pages later I am done with what was supposed to be a quick little writeup of ‘things I tend to tell people when text hypnosis comes up’, and knowing me I will continue to edit and add to this as I think of new things.

However! It is done for now, and I hope my rambling was useful as well as entertaining. :3

I am more than glad to expand upon anything I’ve written, my DMs are open for questions or you can track me down in a discord server and ask there, I’m in a few different ones. ^-^

[vidalinav]

Character Analysis: Elain in light of Nesta’s POV

You know, I really hope Elain doesn’t stay “good” and not that I mean that I want her to be evil, but I guess I just want her to be “normalized.” If there’s anything I know for sure is that Elain and Nesta are on two opposite sides of a spectrum when it comes to dealing with emotion. One hides herself by being bright and gentle and one hides herself by being angry and spiteful. I argue that if ACOSF showed us anything, it’s that Nesta needed to be a little more like Elain, where she saw the good in the world, the hope and chose hope over the hatred. But I argue now that Elain needs to be more like Nesta too, where she sees how bad the world is and she gets angry about it, so angry that she explodes and takes action against it. Both of those aspects of being hopeful and being angry are very healthy emotions, just not in extreme amounts. Nesta was so spiteful that she became bitter and was ruining relationships, but Elain is so “bright and easily lovable” that she’s underestimated, viewed by others as being boring, naïve, and in need of coddling, which also doesn’t help her build close relationships or have her gain more autonomy and independence. 

So, quite honestly, I do hope we get to see Elain doing something bad. Not something super bad, personally I’m partial to this dark!Elain scenario, but something that knocks the pedestal away from her, where she can no longer be this “good” girl who’s always polite, always nice, always happy, always in her garden. There’s not a problem being this type of person, but it’s only a facet of a character, and I think we also have to question whether that hopefulness is genuine or how genuine her personality is. Because to me, I read Elain’s happiness the same way I read Nesta’s anger, where she’s probably not that hopeful or kind or happy or easily lovable, and that that in itself is a way that she copes with the world around her. 

But it’s interesting because I find that Elain’s character is one of the hardest to analyze, because 1. There’s not too much about her yet and 2. Because I know so many people who were “supposedly” the nicest people around who ended up being the worst people I knew, which made it worse because they played into this role of being sweet and precious and the ended up really just being two-faced and hypocritical. It wasn’t bad that they had these flaws, it was the fact that they were hiding these flaws under the guise that they were this perfect person, and actively tried to be this perfect person. This is something that I think a lot about with Elain, because she can certainly be this person at the end of the day. SJM butchers characters all the time, not that she ruins them, but that she ruins them in the way that you can’t see them in either extremely good or extremely bad cases. It really just depends on the circumstance and the POV. Mostly they’re morally grey with a lot of flaws. 

I think the way we have seen Elain is fascinating, because in Nesta’s POV she does have flaws and she should have flaws. I even argue that Nesta does treat her normally for the most part, because she treats her like everyone else with the same disdain from ACOSAF to ACOSF. But the thing that I can’t help but point out is that Elain didn’t like being treated like everyone else, she didn’t want Nesta’s disdain, she wanted Nesta’s love. So when she says “you can’t have it both ways...” resenting the small quiet life but also stopping her from doing something greater, I also argue that she can’t have it both ways either. She can’t dismiss Nesta’s worry about her when that is her form of love, Nesta is a protector, and then also expect her love to be freely given without restraint. I want to know exactly what Elain means by that line when she said “And yet somehow all you can think of is what my trauma did to you.” Because Nesta is worried about her, because she was stolen by the cauldron when she tried to scry the first time. Not only that when she first turned fae Elain literally became lifeless, and fell into a depressive state. Elain has always been shielded by Nesta, and she certainly wasn’t complaining about it before in any of the books or arguing against it though she had ample opportunity. This change of attitude only occurs after Nesta became also mean to her. 

But you would think that these two sisters would understand each other the most, because they literally have gone through everything the same. They were both dipped in the cauldron, they both gained extra cauldron power, they both were in the war, directly with Hybern, they both suffer with dealing with the aftermath. But neither Nesta nor Elain understand each other. Nesta doesn’t understand that Elain really couldn’t help her because she’s going through a lot of pain that she hasn’t dealt with herself and Nesta is a hard person to deal with. Even if Nesta could help her when Elain was in the same situation, Elain is not Nesta. But Elain doesn’t understand that Nesta is going through what she went through and doesn’t seem to put more effort in helping her nor cut her some slack nor share more empathy, even sympathy.  She enters the library in the beginning in ACOSF like it’s not a big deal, and then is unexpectedly hurt because Nesta isn’t nice about it, like what did you expect? And then she’s like with this scene, you can only think of what my pain did to you, and then at Feyre’s birthday, with Did Feyre pay you this time to come here? And then you know she’s in her room every time Nesta comes around. Like Elain cuts her no slack, even though, logically it makes more sense for her to be nicer to Nesta than even Feyre being nice to Nesta, because we have this preconceived notion that Elain is the kind and understanding and hopeful one, and we also know that Nesta’s love made a difference. We can’t dismiss that Nesta did support Elain when Elain was in a bad way and as a human her whole life, in the pursuit of claiming Elain is being coddled. Because both of those statements can be true and are true at the same time.  

Nesta and Elain did not get a resolution in this book. So it will certainly be interesting to see what that means for Elain’s POV. Because Elain has something to prove. To the others she needs to prove that she is capable, but I also think that she has to prove to herself that she’s capable. Because most of what we know she has done, is very little. She didn't help Feyre as much as Nesta didn’t help Feyre. She now hasn’t helped Nesta like Feyre has helped Nesta. And she’s certainly of course not responsible for taking care of others, but we can’t dismiss that she has certainly lived better and well, because others have taken care of her, so she can’t resent that now and then call out someone else for their hypocrisy. I said in another post a long back, that Nesta in her own narrative had to be self-critical or no growth would happen, she’d have to acknowledge that she had done wrong, because that’s how healing works. It’s an internal thing. No one is at fault for your own actions and feelings except for yourself, like there was certain level of accountability that Nesta would need to take back control of her life, even with her relationships, because relationships require a collaboration of entities, you’d have to acknowledge how the other person feels. So Elain in her own POV, has to acknowledge that she has done wrong, even if the wrong that she’s done is because she’s done nothing. Because one can’t expect meaningful relationships without acknowledging the other’s feelings, understanding where they are coming from, understanding that relationships are two ways and that Nesta “technically” doesn’t have to be close with her, no one has to be close with her, if she doesn’t actively try to be close to them, and also no one is stopping her from helping or living something greater, Elain does not put her foot down and then follow through. She does not take initiative to control her life and it’s not any of the character’s fault if they don’t think too much about her or don’t give her a chance, because she has not shown action. She needs to show action. Whether that be getting angry, yelling, telling people how she feels truly, demanding to go on trips with them or help with the cauldron, demanding and then placing herself where the action happens. She says “Find me when you wish to begin.” Well Elain, no one can find you, you need to be there when they need you. Which is the entire problem. 

Anyways, hopefully this made sense. At a certain point these analyses start sounding like rocket science, arrows leading into a thousand different directions.  Truthfully, I do just want Elain to be an interesting, complex character. But I don’t want her to be extremely good. Because she’s not. No one is. Perfect characters are boring and not what SJM writes. People just don’t hold her accountable like they do Nesta, because she’s more pleasant and happy. But damn, I’d hate this girl if she started being like y’all don’t give me a chance or acknowledge my trauma, but then doesn’t acknowledge that she benefits from the situation, in a way that no character does, and she doesn’t actively stand against it, so what is she really complaining about? 

Sigh. These characters. SJM is too good at writing imperfect people.