#because now im at my moms place until next week and my to-do list is again paused to catch up on cleaning catbox/duck pond/bird coops routi
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comradecowplant · 4 months ago
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they definitely half-assed it lol but considering the oldest was maybe 12-- if we count for kidflation, none of them being tall enough to reach all the spots, and the tantalizing cash money they now had to make their end-of-summer sunday a kick ass evening incentivizing them to rush I'd say they did a great job 👍
omg some neighborhood kids in the place i'm finishing up at for the weekend knocked on the door and offered to wash my car (which got heavily gooped with pine sap when i was out wildernessing last week & i haven't had time/motivation to clean it) and they mumbled something about ten or fifteen bucks and judging by how wide their eyes got when i came back with forty-five i think those poor boys were selling themselves short and asking for 15 total smh no no young lads value yourself and your labor more, you EACH deserve a fair cut and also my car is grimy as hell & there is no way i can compensate you a measly five bucks each in good conscience o7
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am-i-the-asshole-official · 9 months ago
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Okay here's one. I really dont think I'm the asshole but my ex sure does.
AITA for refusing to buy my partner a jar of pickles?
So this story has like, a little background and some confounding factors i think but i really could go both ways on whether i was the asshole.
Ill start with both my ex (21nb) and i (23f) had severe mental health issues and were working on treatment when we were together. Theyd been in and out of inpatient stays throughout our three year relationship. Towards the Day of Pickles, i had my first inpatient stay where i got help i desperately needed to keep myself safe. This happened to be about a week after my 23rd birthday, but about two and a half weeks before their 21st birthday.
Anyway, at that time i had just gotten out of the hospital and started a new job at Joanns Fabrics (i outlived that retail fucker and im proud of it). I had been unemployed for the previous year and a half because of the pandemic and so the retail job was really my saving grace to have some sort of income to buy gas and groceries. My parents let me live rent free with them in their basement but i spent a LOT of time essentially squatting at my ex's dorm because my situation with my parents was not great.
Now my ex was also being financially abused by their mom so they had a monthly "allowance" of 200$ (of their own money they made at their on campus job) and no access to their bank statements. So i spent a lot of my own money on gas and groceries for both of us, and anything we wanted to do for fun, like visit the city. Without an income, this was SUPER stressful for me and i spiraled pretty hard with feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. Supporting two people, even minimal living expenses, on an income of exactly 0$ is the WORST.
Anyway, i got out of the hospital and pretty much immediately went back to picking up as many shifts as i could at work because id been on staff for all of two weeks before hospitalization. Knowing retail, i was probably on the precipice of losing hours or being fired altogether.
My ex wanted me to take time off to celebrate their 21st birthday (they didnt celebrate my birthday that year) and travel to see their family and drink etc. I got scheduled for an inconvenient time. I would have to miss their birthday if i didnt find someone to cover. I managed to switch shifts with another coworker who was nice enough to let me have her morning shift, so i was able to at least travel separately and be a little late to dinner.
The night of their birthday my ex wanted to get drunk and so we went to the liquor store. Now im generally pretty picky about alcohol but if i get anything special i always get enough to share. Mysteriously, no one ever offers to share the expense or pay me back. So with all of 150$ in my account, i purchased enough alcohol for myself and the rest of the party, and a bottle of (cheap af) liquor for myself. I was broke af until my next paycheck and was pretty much planning on giving up meals and staying at home because the commute to work was shorter and meant less gas.
My ex picked out a jar of boozy pickles and asked if i would get it for them for their birthday. I should note that with all the stress i was under i had found a birthday present for them but hadnt actually placed the order (was waiting to get paid). I also didnt lie to them about this and had told them that i hadnt gotten their birthday present yet. They were upset by this and told me they felt like i didnt care about them, to which i snapped and raised my voice a little.
I gave them a bit of a reality check. I told them in no uncertain terms that i was under a lot of stress, from nearly killing myself to being flat broke with little to no help from my family other than a conditional roof over my head, ordering their birthday present wasnt super high on my list of things to do and that i knew what i was going to get them and that i intended to order it as soon as i had the money to do so. After years of the sole attention being focused on keeping them alive, i needed some support and acting like i didnt care completely ignored EVERYTHING i did to keep us both afloat.They cried and played the victim as they tended to do and i was too stressed to do anything but be angry.
So when they asked for the pickles i told them no. I have NOTHING left in my bank account, and anything that was in my account was already allocated for something else.
They told me i was being selfish for buying myself alcohol on THEIR birthday, not even getting them a present, yelling at them, and then refusing to buy the one thing they asked for, especially after i refused to take off work the day before to hang out with them and their family. In front of our friends.
I told them that i was purchasing the alcohol for the whole party, that the present had slipped my mind, and that they were accusing me of not caring about them when i snapped. Then i walked out.
My bff went outside to help me cool down and i told him what was going on and how stressed i was and he said that he agreed with me, it was childish to expect me to pay for everything with no help from anyone and then act like im unreasonable for having to put limits on what i can purchase.
My ex ended up getting so pissed by all of this they broke up with me two days later, saying that their birthday was the final straw for them after I'd been so codependent and relying on them too much to survive.
I think its all ridiculous given all of the stress factors i was dealing with at the time. I feel like we're all entitled to the occasional emotional outburst/bouts of forgetfulness when we're stressed. But my ex seems to think im a selfish asshole. We've been no contact for the last two years so this isnt like a pressing concern or anything but it does make me roll my eyes occasionally.
So tumblr, aita?
(Btw im also much more financially stable now that I'm fully and properly medicated and away from them.)
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nickybloodhead · 1 year ago
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Heyy! this is just a small(ish) rant that I though wouldn't nesseserily relate with, but you understand and could possibly give me some advice on.
so basically, I know your Colombian and so am I (well half because of my mum). my dad is Jamaican and I was born in Jamaica, then after of a year of me being there my family and me moved to England so I was raised there. but the problem is that my family was never ever practiced my Colombian side/culture.
dont get me wrong, I love the Jamaican culture and how strong and passionate Jamaicans are, but ive always wanted to embrace my Colombian side and im looking to do that more by my self now im a little over and I can make my own decisions.
I honestly have no idea about my Colombian side and surprisingly my mum had never really claimed it. so I know NOTHING about it. I really wanna learn more about it and wanna learn Spanish but I have no idea on where to start so im seeing if you maybe have any advice for me on what to do? I LOVE YOU!!!
Uhm well, first of all, bienvenida hermana colombiana... let's see, you can start by looking for what specific place your mom is from and from there see what traditions are specific to her place of birth, because in every region of Colombia, traditions are different. But uh, I'll make a small list of festivities that we do around here in the whole country…
We have Día de Velitas, we celebrate it on December 7th and it has a religious connotation, but you don't necessarily have to be catholic to celebrate it, you just get together with your family and light candles (each candle you light can be a wish or goal for the next year), there is food such as buñuelos and natilla.
Our Independence Day is July 20, not much is done on that day, it is a holiday and usually, at least in the capital, there is a parade of military aircraft.
We celebrate Christmas on December 24, or something like that, that day we wait until midnight to open the presents and have dinner with the family.
We have Holy Week too, usually in schools and universities they give all that week as a little vacation, everything is very religious, I personally do not celebrate that week but if you do it's ok.
Oh, we also have 18 to 20 holidays throughout the year, so those days we are not going to study or work, since Colombia is the country of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, all those holidays belong to saints or martyrs. As I mentioned, I don't believe in any of that, so those days are for resting hehe.
You mentioned that you want to learn Spanish, that's great, although I warn you that it can be a bit complicated language because it has too many grammatical rules, but if you want to start, listening to music in Spanish with subtitles helps a lot, you can also use Duolingo, it's a classic and if you can afford classes or get a tutor, it would be the best, but if not, learning empirically on your own also works, that's how I learned English.
I hope this is helpful, I was a little surprised when I saw your question and I wanted to answer as best as possible, if you have more questions, do not hesitate to write me on dm.
You know friend, if you need anything, text me :D
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hrt-shpd-systm · 2 years ago
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College Preparation Ritual
This spell is mainly to get me ready and motivated to start the summer semester. It will be my first semester. I will be taking an orientation course, English 101, and Psychology 101. Im really excited, English is a strong subject for me, and I'm sure I will enjoy the psychology class, as that is my major. It is also for me to know what to expect.
Needed
Rosemary
Lemon Balm
Tarot Cloth
Tarot Deck
Blue Candle
Candle Holder
Altar Oil
Plate
Offerings Bowl
Charcoal
Mugwort
Lavender
Catnip
Allspice
Intentions
I want to pass this first semester with an 80% or higher in all my classes. To do this I intend to spend at least 3 hours a day on each subject. Hopefully the orientation course is fairly easy and I don't need to spend much time on it but as for the reading and psychology course I must spend 3 hours a day. I will check my grades and ask for help when needed. If I can't get my work done alone, then I will ask for a tutor to help me out. I will be asking for extra time on tests if needed, and for a weekly schedule with everything that I will need to get done on a specific day.
How To
Wait until the full moon, do the ritual at night. In my case that is today, May 5th.
Lay out everything in front of me and neatly organize everything needed. Ground yourself.
Begin by cleansing the space around you and calling on the four element. Do this by lighting a charcoal tablet and placing it into the offering bowl. Drop some lavender into the bowl and say a cleansing incantation.
Drop some more lavender to call on the element of air. Drop allspice to call on fire. Drop some catnip to call on water. And finally, mugwort to call on earth
This will cause a build up of energy. Harness that energy by practicing mindfulness or by meditating.
Now get the plate and pour some altar oil onto it. Then roll the blue candle on the plate and coat it in altar oil. Next, sprinkle on rosemary and lemon balm on the candle.
Light the candle and place into the candle holder. Burn it to completion
As the candle is burning, I shall do a tarot reading to determine what to expect as I approach the start of the summer semester.
Reflection
So did the ritual at 8 pm. It took about 30 minutes to complete. I started with a meditation as the moon began to rise. Soon after I started I could see the moon in the sky. I followed the instructions to a T. I drew asked the deck what to expect going into the summer semester. I drew The Star, The Emperor, and The Ace of Pentacles. I took it as advice instead. It didn't really tell me what to expect just gave me advice. I think that is because I already knew what I would expect. I felt like it as trying to tell me to have hope and believe in myself. To set boundaries in the form of asking for accomodations for my autism. And most importantly, to be ready for hard work. be ready to stretch myself a bit.
The Star
So I feel pretty strongly that this card is telling me to have hope as the end of fucking around is upon me. And the beginning of college nears, i am beginning to realize actual hard work is in this situation in order to pass. It's time for me to take my future seriously, and take the risk that is going to college and majoring in psychology
The Emperor
Like I said before, now is the time to ask for accomodations. I feel bad because I would be asking my professors to essentially take time out of their busy weeks to make a calendar/schedule for me so I know what needs to get on on a day to day basis. but it might just be vital to my success. I find it difficult to map out what needs to get done everyday because it's overwhelming to look at a long list of tasks that need to be done. I need help breaking it down into smaller chunks. It's not like what I'm asking for is an unreasonable accommodation either.
The Ace of Pentacles
I feel like I get held back by being afraid of not being perfect. Like my mom used to hold me to a standard of passing all my classes with A's because I was able to manage that one year. I'm afraid of not being able to pass my classes. I'm scared I'm gonna move slower than everyone else because that how it felt in high school especially in my junior year. That combined with the fact that I just wasn't interested anymore lead to me dropping out of CRAS. I still had that perfection mindset but I was afraid. I was afraid of inconveniencing my teachers by asking them to slow down. I was scared to ask for tutoring because I was taking time off from busy students to help me.
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seungmvnnie · 4 years ago
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Flipped
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pairing; Chenle x reader
genre; enemies to lovers au, ‘American high school’ au, angst, fluff
word count; 10.8k
summary; ‘The moment you laid eyes on Zhong Chenle, you had flipped.’ You had known that you were in love with Chenle, your next door neighbor, since you were 7 years old. Chenle wanted nothing to do with you. Until of course, ten years later he starts to realize that perhaps there’s more to you that meets the eye, unluckily just as you began to realize, perhaps Chenle was less than you had chalked him up to be.
warnings; insensitive language regarding illness, death, female reader, heavily inspired by the movie flipped, some scenes are near word for word from the movie, so credits to the movie for those parts, although parts of the main narrative differ, as well as scenes. A large majority of the characters are not similar to their real life counterpart. 
tag list; @sunflowerhae​ @byunbaekby​​ @mikasrecs​(if you asked to be on the tag list and i didn’t tag you, i’m very sorry, i was terrible at tracking who was on it cause im an idiot)
a/n; Started making it. Had a breakdown. Bon Appetit.
It all began in the Summer before second grade. In Zhong Chenle’s eyes, it was the beginning of a decade of strategic avoidance, awkward encounters, and a lifetime worth of what he deemed to be, discomfort.
For you, it was true love.
The moment you laid eyes on Zhong Chenle, you had flipped. It was something in those eyes, those dazzling brown eyes which bore into you. Or maybe it was something about his smile. There was something about him which made you realize that at 7 years old, you had met your soul mate. His family had just moved into your neighborhood, a long cul-de-sac of identical, modern two-story houses, the majority of which had the same identical clean cut lawns and typical nuclear well off family who owned the house and prided themselves on how their petunias were better than the house across the streets. That was except for yours, of course. Deemed the ‘embarrassment of the neighborhood,’ the yellow paint on your house was flaking off, the grass dry and grey and the fence encasing the yard, which had at one point been white was now a dull grey, not to mention falling apart in some places. This was attributed to the fact that your father simply did not have the time. As a painter, he had to work extra hard to provide for his family, especially considering your mother’s situation.
It was a hot summer’s day, the day Chenle moved in. You could remember the feeling of the sun on your face as you basked in its warmth, the pavement on which you sat almost boiling as the moving van pulled up to the house opposite yours. You had recalled that your father had told you to always be kind and helpful, which is why you had thought it appropriate to skip across the road to the nice looking family and offer a helping hand.
Little did you know, your help was unwanted. Chenle remembered watching the girl skip – skip? As if anyone had done that since kindergarten – from the odd-looking house across the way and when she confidently stated,
“Hi, I’m (Y/N) (Y/L/N). Need any help?” He looked to his father for confirmation that this girl was strange. He noticed the judgmental look which was written on his father’s face as he surveyed the girl with the messy hair and grubby clothes, no doubt from playing in the unpleasant yard which she came from that juxtaposed with their clean, green yard. He recognized the exact moment that his father deemed them better than her, a switch in his face where he knew where she stood on the social ladder. Acting according, he too looked at the girl with disdain.
“There’s some valuable things in those boxes. Don’t touch them.” His father had scolded as you reached for one of the boxes that were stacked on their lawn.
“What about this one?” You suggested, reaching for another one. This was the moment that Chenle had realized that this girl could not take a hint. His father had pushed the box away with his foot before you could even touch it.
“Maybe you should run home? Your moms probably worried about you.” He sneered, staring down his nose on you. Resilient, you stared back.
“My dad knows I’m here.” You had replied simply, before turning to Chenle.
“Want to push one together?” You asked, pointing at one of the heavier ones. Chenle scrunched his face up at you, looking to his father for answers.
“I think your mom wants your help in the house, Chenle.” His dad had replied, not so subtly winking at him, as if to say, ‘escape from the crazy girl while you can.’
 He seized the opportunity, turning on his heel and running towards the house, where his mother stood in the doorway, when the most ridiculous thing happened. Not only did (Y/N) (Y/L/N) follow him, but you grabbed his hand.
“Oh, hello! I see you’ve met my son.” His mother had called out, a small smile growing on her face as she observed the sight of the two 7-year olds connected by their hands.
Chenle, having no clue how to escape the situation, did the most mature thing a 7-year-old boy could do. He hid behind his mother.
Who did you think you were? He had been here for less than 10 minutes and he had some crazy girl trying to hold his hand.
Of course, for you, you really had thought you were being kind. The boxes on the lawn did look intimidatingly heavy but you were sure with the help of the cute boy stood next to them, you could help get them into the house. You hadn’t picked up on the fact that it had taken Mr. Zhong all of 10 seconds to determine that you weren’t worthy of their time and when he had sent his son inside to help unpack, you thought maybe it would be a good idea to chase after him, see if he wanted to play for a bit before he was stuck unpacking boring boxes. You had grabbed his arm to stop him from running into his house, when he turned around and moved his arm out of your clasp, grabbing your hand instead.
You could remember vividly, the way your stomach had flipped as he stared at you with those deep brown eyes, and you had been so sure he was going to kiss you. He had held your hand! At 7, you had basically considered that a marriage proposal. If his mother had not have called out to you, you were sure you were going to have had your first kiss at 7 years old. The way he blushed and hid behind his mother was adorable, he was so shy.
That night you lay awake, thinking of the boy who was walking around with your first kiss.
If only he wasn’t so shy, maybe he would have. That was the moment you decided, you were going to do everything in your power to ensure that Chenle would not have to ever feel shy around you. He needed to know; he had a friend in you.
While sweet in theory, the reality of the situation was, Chenle believed he did not need the help of, what his father had referred to the evening after you, your two older brothers and your father brought over homemade pies, ‘trash like them.’ He especially did not need the help of the girl who embarrassed him on the first day of school. Yes, you had thought it appropriate, upon seeing Chenle enter the classroom of Mr. Lee on the very first day of school, to run up to him and give him a huge hug, which he of course, had struggled against. That’s what had earned him the reputation of being (Y/N) (Y/L/N)’s boyfriend, a reputation he did not manage to shrug off until freshman year of high school, and he only got rid of through dating Lee Chaeryong for an incredibly brief period of time, who was perfectly sweet, but he didn’t find her particularly interesting.
For a while, he found dealing with Chaeryong’s insistence yammering about nothing he cared about a lot easier to endure than the lovesick eyes you gave him. The plan was, he would walk her to class a few times, sit with her at lunch and eventually, you would lose interest, he could break up with her.  It was all going smoothly, until his best friend, Park Jisung, suddenly decided to get a moral backbone for once and tell Chaeryong what Chenle was doing. Chenle reckoned it was just because of Jisung’s own crush on her, but either way, it had resulted in a very public breakup. A week later, you were back to obsessing over him, and once again he became, (Y/N)’s boyfriend.
 3 years later, their senior year, brought a lot of changes, the main change of which being Chenle’s grandfather had permanently moved in with their family. Chenle did not know much of his grandfather. An old surly man, he spent his days sat in the armchair beside their front window, staring blankly out into the empty street. Chenle’s mom said he did that because he missed grandma, although Chenle would not know as much he had very little conversations with him. The second change in Chenle’s life was more superficial as everyone was talking about how much (Y/N) had grown between the summer of junior and senior year – your face had thinned out, and you had a much more of a mature air about you and for a brief moment of, what Chenle had deemed insanity, he may have mistaken you as pretty. Of course, the second you had sent him the same goofy smile which graced your face every time you looked at him, and murmured the same,
“Hi, Chenle,” the pit in his stomach from the tired repetition of ten years returned.
“Hi, (Y/N).” He had replied, a tight-lipped smile sent your way.
 It is imperative to the justification of your side of the story that you understand that Chenle had never once openly rejected you, or even treated you rudely. You would talk to him when you could, and he would reply perfectly politely, which would only reinforce the idea that it’s not that he did not like you, he was just shy. On top of that, it was not as if you actively pursued him. You spoke to him like one would a friend as, how you saw it, everyone knew you liked Chenle, no doubt, including him. If he wanted to, he would ask you out. Other than that, you were content talking to him when you could.
 Other than your looks, a lot more had changed in your life. For almost as long as you could remember, your mother had been sick. There had been a time, a very long time ago, where you could recall how the same scalic motif would echo from the piano which now lay dormant, the thick layer of dust that had blanketed it over the years rendering it inoperable. Your life had been filled with hospital visits to a woman you had never really gotten the opportunity to know and who no longer knew you. You often grazed your hand over the ivory piano keys, and tried to flick through the penciled sheet music which hadn’t been touched since the last time your mom had last scribbled on them but to you it was a foreign language you could only hope to understand.
About a week into September, you had been ignoring your English teacher’s in-depth analysis of some Shakespeare scene and letting your thoughts and eyes wander to where Chenle sat two seats in front of you. His black hair had seemed even darker that day, contrasting with the white t-shirt and denim jacket he was wearing. You were so focused on the way his head would duck down to take notes, that you barely noticed the teacher who had slid into the classroom and leaned to whisper something in your teacher’s ear. It wasn’t until your teacher had called your name and Chenle had spun to stare at you alongside the rest of the class, his brown eyes meeting yours, that you had snapped back into reality, the heat of your embarrassment at getting caught by Chenle warming your face. Funnily enough, you had forgotten about your embarrassment when your teacher had called you out into the hallway, where your tearful father stood. He didn’t have to say anything. You knew.
The next week all blurred together into a flurry of emotions which you purposefully tried your best to forget. The funeral was huge, groups of people from your school coming to show solidarity, as well as the entire neighborhood, including Chenle and his family. You could not bring yourself to glance at him, not with your father crying quietly next to you. You did not know whether to cry for the woman you had never met before. 
  Your school allowed you the next few months off school, but you had returned after only one month and that month was the quietest your house had ever been. Your father locked himself in his room for the first two weeks, and your brothers oversaw making dinner for the family, which essentially meant the whole family was living off frozen pizza for two weeks. Your dad eventually emerged from his bedroom, but when he did, he was like a man crazed. He insisted that you did a spring clean (it was September) of the house and get rid of the clutter which had gathered from the many years of neglect. You were in charge of sorting through all of the things your dad wanted to give to charity, and you had invited your friend Shin Ryujin over to help. More like she insisted. Ryujin had been new to town in freshmen year and had befriended you before she had known of your reputation as ‘Chenle’s stalker,’ and she had been a fierce friend ever since. You had both been folding a pile of old clothes when your eyes fell on your mom’s old music stand accompanied with that oh so familiar stack of written sheet music under a pile of old toys. 
You didn’t want your mom’s handwritten sheet music to end up in a charity shop but your dad had insisted that no one was using it, and, unless you could think of someone else to give it to, it was going to charity. That was when, luckily, you remembered Chenle. He was a skilled piano player and singer, so much so, the whole school anticipated his performance in the Christmas Talent Show, which he had won for the past 3 years. Upon gaining your father’s permission, but against the wishes of Ryujin who had spent the past three years explaining how Chenle was terrible for you and you needed to, in her words, ‘Hoe it up,’ you made the journey across the road and knocked on Chenle’s door, clutching the music stand and sheet music to your chest. Luckily, he had been the one to open the door instead of his father whom you didn’t personally mind, but felt as though he may have disliked you. 
It had been early before school one morning, when you had knocked on his door. He was barely awake, the sweatpants and loose t-shirt he had worn for his pajamas still clung to his body. He hadn’t expected to be opening the door to someone from school, let alone you, awake and bright eyed. On a normal day, your chirpiness would have bothered him to no end, but today was different. He hadn’t seen you since your mom’s funeral, and he found that he had wounded up missing your ever-present annoyance. He didn’t know how reassuring that lovesick, “Hi, Chenle,” could be. He couldn’t understand how, in your absence, he found his eyes straying to your empty seat, or when he sat at his desk which lay in front of his window, his eyes would wander to where he knew your bedroom window sat. He had realized, in the few weeks that you were off, that your presence was more comforting that your absence.
His dad hadn’t wanted to go the funeral. Apparently, he didn’t see the point. It was his mother who had pushed them to go, saying how bad they would have looked if they didn’t show their faces. His dad had argued that he didn’t care how he looked to a poor dreamer and the ‘crazies he calls family.’ The only reason they ended up going was because his mom had said she was going with or without him and apparently that would look bad to everyone else in the neighborhood. Chenle didn’t see the harm; sure he didn’t like you, but you were always nice to him and it was only respectful.
“Uh- Hi, (Y/N).” He said, eyes wandering down your body to where you clutched the sheet music and back up to your face. Your heart had flipped, a sensation you were now old friends with and usually attributed to Chenle’s warm brown eyes which traversed your face, his morning voice only making him more attractive. Little did you know, Chenle’s biggest concern at this moment was less checking you out and more checking if you were okay, and judging by the tired bags under your eyes despite your outwardly cheery appearance, you didn’t look okay.
“Hi, Chenle.” For once, those two words didn’t make him want to rip his own hair out.
“Uh, these are my mom’s. My dad wanted to give them to charity but, I don’t know, I thought they’d be better with someone I know... and well, you’re kind of the only musician I know.” His eyes flickered down to the sheet music you clutched in your arms.
“Oh- Thanks?” The music stand looked to Chenle to be at least 30 years old and the yellowing sheet music did not look too enticing, but he reached out his arms for them anyways.
“She wrote the music herself. You don’t have to play it but, I don’t know, I just really didn’t want to see it end up in the back of some charity shop. At least I know, with your talent, it’s in good hands.”
“Oh, well thanks.” You sent him an awkward closed mouth smile before turning on your heel but before you could make the short walk across the road, he called out to you.
“Wait-”
You spun around again.
“Yeah?”
He had stood up from where he had previously been leaning against the door frame, his brow now furrowed.
“Are you- are you coming back to school anytime soon?” He almost cringed as he uttered the words. He always felt bad being nice to you, it felt as if he was giving you false hope. However, for the first time, it came naturally to him as opposed to the fake smile he would give you.
“I’m allowed off until January but I’m coming back next week. It’s just so... quiet at my house. I’m kind of sick of it at this point.” His eyes scanned your face again, in the way that felt as though he could stare into your very soul if he looked hard enough.
“Well, I hope you’re okay.” The sincerity in his voice echoed the sympathetic look on his face.
“Thanks. I’ll see you next week, I guess.”
“See you at school.” He closed the door and looked at the music stand he had left leaning against the wall, which, unfortunately, became the topic of discussion that night at the dinner table.
“I think it was very nice of her to give you that stuff, Chenle.” His Mom had said, the clinking sounds of cutlery against plates underlying the conversation.
“I’m not using them,” He replied simply, as he moved the vegetables his mom had forcibly placed on his plate around with his fork. 
“Oh, don’t be a dick, Chenle.” His sister nudged him, ignoring their parent shouts of, ‘language!’
“I’m not being a dick, they’re about 30 years old and I’m a piano player, I don’t use a music stand anyways.” He placed his fork down.
“Well, they’re not lying here and collecting dust. I’m honestly annoyed. Just because their house is all cluttered doesn’t mean our house has to be. You can go back and tell her you don’t want them.” His dad interjected, in that authoritarian manner he so loved.
“Dad, I can’t do that.”
“Eat your vegetables, Chenle.” His mom said, taking a sip from her way-too-expensive crystal wine glass. He rolled his eyes and picked up his fork again, purposely taking a bite out of the broccoli which adorned his plate.
“Why not? Are you scared of her?” His dad challenged, and Chenle couldn’t help but notice the broccoli which remained on his plate. Why did Chenle have to eat it but his dad didn’t?
“I’m not scared of her, it’s just- Her mom just died. I don’t want to be mean.” His fork stopped moving as his Father scoffed.
“Man up. You aren’t being rude, you’re being honest.”
“Chenle, vegetables.” 
He groaned, shoveling as much of the vegetables into his mouth as he possibly could in one go before sinking down in his chair. He didn’t have a clue what to do. On one hand, the music equipment was of no use to him, so realistically, it would make the most sense to give them back. But on the other hand, if he gave them back they would just end up with charity and while Chenle didn’t necessarily like the girl, he didn’t think he could be that insensitive. Which was why he had deemed it an amazing idea to ask the paragon of good advice, his best friend, Park Jisung, at school the next day.
“Dude, just give it away yourself.” Jisung had answered assertively, from where he had perched himself atop his desk during their break, opening the cupcake that Chenle had given him. It had originally been a gift from Chaeryong who had long since forgiven him since the Freshmen incident, and every now and then when she got bored, would return to her phase of crushing on him.
“What do you mean?” Chenle asked, ignoring the way he could most definitely see Chaeryong staring at him from behind Jisung’s head, taking a sip of the strawberry milk he had bought from the school vending machine. Jisung rolled his eyes.
“I mean, if you give it away to some thrift shop first, she’ll never know, and you can tell your family that you told her. Boom, both people are happy.” Chenle chewed at the straw of his milk carton. He wasn’t necessarily wrong; in giving the stuff away himself, no one got hurt and he wouldn’t get called a coward by his family.
“Jisung, you’re a genius. Come with me after school? We’ll drop by my house and I’ll drive us into town.” Jisung nodded, cringing as he picked the love heart candy off the cupcake.
Unfortunately for Chenle, he hadn’t seemed to realize that, sat with her back to him was Ryujin, who had overheard the whole conversation, mostly because Chaeryong had insisted they eavesdropped on them to see if they talked about her. Ryujin had let Chenle away with a lot over the years; he had ignored you, laughed at you with his friends, talked about you behind his back and while she would discuss how much of a prick she thought he was with you, you never believed her, or blamed yourself, or make excuses for him. Which was why she deemed it a necessary evil to send you a text saying, ‘Want to go thrift shopping after school? I’ll buy you coffee?’
She knew you would never turn down free coffee. And it actually had turned out you had multiple boxes to donate anyways, although shopping with Ryujin was always an experience. You liked clothes shopping as much as anyone, but Ryujin was crazy. She could take 3 hours to go through one tiny shop.
“Ryujin? Are you done yet?” You had whined, the cardboard coffee cup in your hand had been emptied at least half an hour ago, and you had finished looking for clothes an hour ago. She was especially taking her time today, deliberating every item of clothing she saw and the dark lighting was starting to hurt your eyes, the musky smell of cedar wood and laundry detergent was inviting at first, but now made you feel woozy.
“My feet hurt.” You complained again, only pouting at the joke glare she shot your way. The bell which jingled every time someone entered the shop that you had learned to zone out the past two hours rang again, but this time, Ryujin’s eyes flickered up and rested on the person standing at the door. You furrowed your brow and spun to see who she was staring at, and there stood Chenle and Jisung, both looking positively ill.
“Oh- Hi, Chenle!” You waved, a small smile gracing your face. You cocked your head slightly to look at the two boys who had lost all color to their faces. Chenle still looked as good as ever, and the smell of his citrusy shampoo paired with his expensive smelling cologne cut through the woody scent of the shop, his chestnut brown eyes which lay beneath his messy mop of dark hair bringing butterflies to your stomach the way they always did.
“What’s wrong? You look as if you’ve seen a-,” you didn’t get to finish your sentence as your eyes had fallen down to where he clutched the oh so familiar sheet music and music stand. Your smile dropped, the butterflies in your stomach mutating into lead.
“What are you doing with those?” You asked, quietly, ignoring the way Jisung almost ran back out of the shop.
“I- uh- well...” He looked down, staring guiltily at his hands and the rusty music stand he clutched.
“If you didn’t want them you could have said, you know. You didn’t have to go behind my back to give them away.” You snapped, and for the first time in your whole life, looking at Chenle made your heart sink instead of flip. 
“It wasn’t me! My dad said that he didn’t-” He stopped, as if he had caught himself.
“Didn’t what?” You asked, raising an eyebrow. He sighed, and glance to the side, almost as though he was refusing to meet your eyes.
“He said he didn’t understand why our house had to be cluttered just because you only started cleaning up your house and yard now.” He mumbled, and your eyes widened, and you put out an arm to stop Ryujin, who you could sense was about to jump on the boy.
“I didn’t think a bunch of sheet music was going to destroy your house that much.” You replied, letting out a huff and gulping away the lump in your throat, refusing to cry in front of him.
“I just didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” He mumbled, staring at his hands in shame. He had never wished that the ground would swallow him whole more in his entire life.
“You should have told me. Give them to the shop, honestly. I don’t care anymore.” You pushed past him, resisting the urge to throw the empty cardboard coffee cup at him.
“(Y/N)!” He called after you and you turned again, blinking back the tears which were gathering in your eyes, the constant chanting of, ‘don’t cry,’ becoming a sustained pedal in your head and realistically being the only thing stopping the tears from spilling.
“What?”
“I- I’m sorry.” His chestnut eyes you loved so much stared at you in that sincere way that felt as though he could stare into your soul if he tried hard enough, but for once, you could see a corruption in the honesty, a sort of rotten core to what you had previously thought was a pure center.
“No, you’re not.” You mumbled, before spinning back round and dragging Ryujin out by the wrist who had to drop the clothes she had clutched previously in a pile next to the door, having been given no opportunity to replace them tidily.
At first you had thought you were upset, the burning sensation in your chest was mistaken for sadness, but when you brought your hand up to your eyes to wipe away the tears which now fell, the downtrodden feeling switched into anger very quickly. Not only did Chenle lie and act as if he had cared about you and your family, but he had the audacity to talk about you all as if you were a group of hoarders who couldn’t keep your yard presentable.
You slammed your car door shut - while you had previously loved your run-down little jeep, you supposed perhaps the Zhong family liked to comment on that too - ignoring the comforting words Ryujin was uttering as she climbed into the passenger seat.
“Are you busy on Saturday?” You asked as you gripped the steering wheel so tightly your knuckles turned white, turning the key in the ignition.
“Uh- I don’t think so. Why?” Ryujin replied, eyeing you warily.
“How do you feel about gardening?”
It didn’t take long for Chenle to realize he had traded in his old problems with (Y/N) (Y/L/N) for a whole set of new ones. You had returned to school the next week, and the way you constantly avoided him was simply a reminder of how much of a jerk he had been. Not to mention when he woke up on Saturday morning to discover you and Ryujin in your garden pulling up weeds, the guilt panging in his chest as he watched you toil away.
Then one day a week later or so, he was walking back from playing basketball from Jisung when things got weird.
His grandfather stood in your front yard, a pair of sheers in hand as he clipped at the hedges which had grown over your windows, conversing quietly with you as you worked.
He had only ever seen his grandfather in slippers - where the hell had those work boots come from? He didn’t even know his grandfather knew how to use sheers let alone would willingly help a random girl from across the street. The more he watched from his bedroom window, the madder he got. His grandfather had said more to you in the last hour than he had the whole time he had lived with them. Chenle wasn’t even sure if he had ever seen his grandfather laugh before, but there he was, laughing at something you said.
You had been struggling with hacking away the hedge when his grandfather had approached you. Ryujin had abandoned helping you a while ago, but you still appreciated the help she had given you originally. You knew gardening wasn’t necessarily her thing. You wanted to think that the reason you had decided to fix up your yard was not because of what Zhong Chenle thought of you, but to make your house better in this new pre-mom times, as your brothers had begun calling them. After what he had done with your mom’s sheet music, why were you meant to care about anything he thought? But sadly, you knew deep down you did.
“Are you pruning that Hedge or hacking it to death?” You heard someone call out, and you swung around to see a man whom you couldn’t help but recognize as being related to Chenle. They had the same smile.
You laughed awkwardly, clutching the sheers a little tighter. 
“I’m Chenle’s grandfather. Sorry it’s taken me so long to come over and introduce myself.” He smiled again and outstretched a hand which you then shook.
“Nice to meet you.” 
“Are you planning on cutting these all to the same height?” He gestured towards the hedges. You breathed in, looking at the hedges which you had previously been ruining.
“That was the plan, but I might have to take them out. I’m not very good at this, if you can’t tell.” You joked.
“Oh, these are Hicksii shrubs. They should prune up nicely.” He replied, pulling out a pair of gloves he had appeared to have brought with him, and reached out for the sheers you had been holding.
You eyed him wearily, as he cut at the hedge. “Listen, Mr. Zhong, if you’re here because of what Chenle said, I don’t need your help.”
He leaned back and looked at you sincerely.
“I don’t know what my little shit of a grandson said to you, but I’m just here because of the crime you were committing on these shrubs.”
The previous reluctance you had felt was immediately relieved as you let out a sincere laugh, not expecting his crude language.
You both worked together on the yard for weeks, and the whole time you worked, you talked. Mr. Zhong was incredibly kind, and it was honestly nice to know that there was someone in that house who wasn’t watching and waiting for your families next screw up. He told you how you had the same spirit as his wife who died a while ago; apparently you both had the same strong will. Although the conversation that stuck with you the most was a few days into working together and he had tentatively asked you about what was happened with you and Chenle. You had explained the situation while you painted the wood you had bought together to make a fence.
“Well, do you like Chenle?” He had asked, and your face warmed, your hand which held the paint brush stilling.
“I don’t know... It’s something about his eyes, I guess.” You looked down, embarrassed. It felt really weird discussing this with his grandfather.
“But what about him?” Mr. Zhong had asked, his hand still as well.
“What do you mean?” You asked, eyebrows furrowing as you turned your head.
“Well - I mean think of it like this. Your father’s a painter, isn’t he? Well, a painting is more than the sum of its parts. You have to look at the whole landscape. A cow by itself is just a cow, a tree is just a tree, a beam of light is just sunshine, but when you put it all together - it can be something magical. Do you think Chenle’s more than the sum of his parts?” If he had asked you a month ago you would have said absolutely. Chenle was entirely more than the sum of his parts, in every conceivable way. But now you weren’t so sure.
“I- I don’t know.”
Meanwhile, Chenle was still struggling to apologize to you. He had spent all week trying to approach you at school, but when it came to holding a grudge, you were truly impressive. You always found a way to duck him, either turning in the hallway to walk the other way or having Ryujin exit through doors first when he tried to block them to confront you. And every time you were out in your yard, his grandpa was always there. It wasn’t until one day, on a cold Saturday morning towards the end of October, when his grandpa had gone into town to buy cream for his hands because all the yard work was starting to get to him, that he found his opening.
“It looks really good.” He commented, grabbing your attention from where you were watering the grass with a hose. You looked up at the boy whom you had dedicated your life to, who stood awkwardly behind the fence you had put up with his grandfather. You wished you could say he looked bad, but in a flannel shirt, black t-shirt and jeans he had never looked better.
“Thanks.” You said quietly, turning your back to him to continue your work.
“I- I’m sorry for what I did.” He piped up and you sighed before switching off the hose and turning towards him again.
“I don’t get it, Chenle. You could have just told me you didn’t need them. You didn’t have to give them away behind my back.” You looked at him, and for once, you were the one looking into his soul, not the other way around. You looked into those eyes, those dazzling brown eyes which bore into you that belonged to the boy walking around with your first kiss and you thought that perhaps his Grandpa was right. Maybe Chenle wasn’t more than the sum of his parts.
“I don’t know - It was dumb. I just didn’t want to hurt your feelings. I shouldn’t have said anything about your yard either. It wasn’t right.” You let your eyes rest on his face again. You were sure - Chenle was definitely less than the sum of his parts. You shrugged.
“Maybe it was for the best.” You turned back towards the grass, turning the hose on again as if to signal, this was the end of the conversation.
“I- I guess I’ll see you around.” He said, hesitantly. You didn’t even turn to look at him this time.
“I guess.”
He spun to make the short trek back to his house, but not without turning back to look at you one last time before opening the bright red door of his house. Your acceptance of his apology was not all he had hoped for, but at least now he could watch TV with his family with a guilt free conscious. although the atmosphere between his grandpa and dad was nearly palpable, especially when his grandfather reached for the cream on the table beside them to rub into his hands.
“That girl working you too hard?” His dad slyly commented, ignoring the foul look his grandfather sent him in response as he rubbed cream into his hands.
“’That girl’s’ name is (Y/N). And no, she isn’t working me too hard.” 
Chenle’s dad widened his eyes slightly, staring down into the brandy which he swirled in the glass he held.
“Do you not think it’s a bit, I don’t know, weird, that you have the time and energy to spend time with the girl next door but not with your own grandson?” He replied snippily, ignoring the way his mom interjected.
“-It’s okay, Dad-” Chenle began, but couldn’t finish as his father cut him off with a sharp, “No, it’s not.”
“Do you know why the (Y/L/N)’s hadn’t fixed up their yard until now?” His grandfather asked, more rhetorically than anything.
“Yeah. Because he’s too busy with his paint-by-numbers kit.” His dad answered, chortling to himself at his own joke, taking another sip of the brandy he was drinking.
“The illness Mrs. (Y/L/N) had was incredibly hard to treat, not to mention emotionally draining. Every penny they had went into hospital bills treating her, and even then, she had been in a coma for 8 years, and then unresponsive for another 5.” Chenle stared down at his hands, trying his best to zone out the argument, especially considering he had been the asshole who tried to give away this poor woman’s music.
“I don’t see what their vegetative mother has to do with their pride in ownership. Realistically, if she had looked after herself more, maybe they wouldn’t have been in this mess.” His dad had answered, once again laughing at his own joke.
“They don’t own that house, they rent it. It’s supposed to be the responsibility of the landlord, and it was nothing to do with how healthy that poor woman was, (Y/N)’s Mom had a blood condition that made her susceptible to strokes, and that’s what made her so ill.” Chenle’s mom sighed from where she sat next to him on the blue couch, before his father had the opportunity to reply and dig himself into a deeper hole.
“That poor family. We should have them over for dinner.” She announced, standing up, grabbing the still full glass from her husband’s hand as she moved into the kitchen.
“We are not having them over for dinner!” His father shouted from the living room.
“We should have them over for a sit down fancy dinner.” She replied, almost deliberately ignoring him.
“We are not - Hey!” He called out as he heard the buttons on the landline beep with each number his mother punched in.
“I’m sorry, I can’t here you over me inviting them over for- Oh hello, (Y/N), dear.” At the sound of your name, Chenle sank farther into the plush couch seats. He just wanted to watch television in peace.
“Shoot me now.” His dad mumbled.
“Careful what you wish for.” His Grandfather replied, not tearing his eyes from the tv and this time he was the one to ignore the evil look which was shot his way.
And so, dinner with the (Y/L/N)’s was in his imminent future, which only made things more uncomfortable at school. Much like when you had taken that month off in school, he found himself focused on the idea of you more than he had previously. He couldn’t get you out of his head, you and your poor mom. He thought he would apologize for the music thing, you would begrudgingly accept his apology, and you could live the rest of the senior year blissfully ignoring each other’s existents. While you had apparently stayed true to the plan, he couldn’t help the way his eyes drifted to find you in class. He had spent 10 years in the same class as you but he had never noticed how you automatically pulled your bottom lip into your mouth when you were focused on something or the way you smiled to stop yourself laughing when Ryujin mumbled some sort of snarky comment. In the same bout of insanity he had experienced at the beginning of the year, he may have mistaken your smile as being pretty. Except this time the insanity did not melt away into resentment, but instead grew into a roaring monster of butterflies anytime he saw you.
He was starting to think he was sick or something. It was like his whole life had been flipped upside down; in what universe was he the one with the clammy hands and racing heart around (Y/N) (/L/N), and she was the one ignoring him? He needed to talk to someone - and who better than the lord of advice himself, Park Jisung.
Luckily for him, him and Jisung were the first people in their home room class the day of the dinner; usually you were in early, but today you conveniently hadn’t been. “Dude, I need your help.” Chenle emphatically exclaimed, sitting down in his seat next to Jisung before explaining the situation.
“(Y/N) (Y/L/N)? You hate her. You’ve hated her for 10 years.” Jisung blankly stated, and Chenle shook his head. 
“That’s the thing, I don’t think I do. I can’t stop thinking about her.” Jisung rolled his eyes.
“You definitely hate her. Think about it, you just feel bad because of the mom thing. And you insulted her house, but I mean come on, it was a mess anyways.”
“It’s not her fault. Their family is in crazy amounts of debt because her mom had some sort of untreatable illness and she was sick for so long. Do you know apparently, she had been sick for like 13 years? It must have been torture on their family.” Chenle defended, the stubborn side of him which was declaring, it’s been a decade, why stop hating you now, losing out to this new need to defend you.
“Oh, God, really? Well then, there’s your answer.” Jisung replied, leaning back in his chair with confidence, as though he had just solved the world’s problems. Chenle’s eyebrows knotted together, cocking his head.
“What do you mean?” 
Jisung scoffed, as if it was the most obvious thing since the last advice he had kindly bestowed on Chenle.
“You don’t want to be with someone with that in their family. Dude what if she infects you with it?”
Chenle wanted to hit him. He was certain, he had never before in his life been closer to punching someone and God did Jisung deserve it. How dare he say that? He wanted to tell him that it was much more complex than Jisung’s derogatory simplification of your mother’s illness, and just because Jisung was failing biology did not mean he had the right to be going around and saying things like that about you. He wanted to tell Jisung to keep his stupid opinion to himself, but despite this intense fury he felt searing up his chest, all he could manage was a stiff laugh.
“Oh. Yeah.” He mumbled, not looking at him in case the smug smile which had graced Jisung’s face flipped the switch which would erupt the burning anger in his chest.
You had been running late that day. You liked getting up earlier and beating the traffic to school, now more than ever, with the sullen mood your house had fallen into, although with the dinner with the Zhong family in your near future, the three boys of your house appeared cheerier. Your father was good friends with Mrs. Zhong and she had always been a good neighbor, and your two brothers were old friends with Chenle’s older sister. You were only one against the idea, but realistically, what harm could one dinner do? You had woken up and been ready on time, but when you climbed into your sturdy little jeep and turned the ignition keys, the engine made an unfortunate spluttering sound, that rather sounded like it was simply giving up.
You had taken a stab at fixing it, popping the hood and pretending as though you had a single clue about what to look for, but upon realizing there was no hope you started glancing worriedly back at your house. Surely one of the three people who all knew all to drive would know something about what was wrong with the engine. Biggest problem was, they were all asleep, and if you woke them up, you might have lost a hand. You were heavily considering risking the hand when, by some sort of divine intervention, a familiar voice called out to you.
“Need help?”
You started, spinning to see Mr. Zhong, the familiar and kind old face smiling at you. You hated how similar his smile was to Chenle’s; he was simply a reminder of who you thought Chenle used to be. Nonetheless, you smiled and nodded, gesturing to the hood and taking a step back.
“Please. It’s all yours.”
He worked in silence for a moment, pulling at the machinery inside the bonnet.
“How old is this car?” He asked, and his muffled voice could not disguise the astonishment in his voice.
“Uh, I think the last person to drive it was my Mom, so, that should tell you.” You half joked, awkwardly watching him work until he indicated to you to try again.
You climbed into the car and turned the ignition, and it spluttered again, but this time the spluttering graduated into the unhealthy purring sound you were used to.
You rolled your window down, and called a gracious, ‘thank you!’ out the window, but before you could proceed the short drive to school, the man stopped you, leaning against the side of your car.
“Wait a minute, I want to talk to you about something.” You uncomfortably clutched the steering wheel tighter, raising an eyebrow at him, as if to say, ‘go on.’
“You and Chenle? How’s that going?” He asked, an eyebrow raised in a similar fashion, although his was more teasing where yours was questioning. Your heart leapt as your face warmed.
“Oh - uh. I haven’t really spoken to him since.”
“Oh.” He sounded surprised.
“Why?” You asked, trying to discreetly gulp away your nervousness.
“Oh, he’s just been speaking about you a lot more, is all. Have fun at school.” 
Your five-minute drive to school was the most anxiety ridden drive you had ever experienced. What did he mean speaking about you more? He was asking about your relationship so would that suggest Chenle was saying nice things? Did Chenle maybe like you? Of course, the idea of Chenle having any sort of romantic feelings towards you felt nearly laughable at this point, but this glimmer of hope that had remained from the past ten years that maybe, just maybe, you had finally grabbed the attention of those sweet brown eyes simmered in your chest before you could push it away. He had treated you badly, you reminded yourself. You didn’t need him.
You stormed into school that morning, affirming that you did not need Zhong Chenle in your life, and if he did finally notice you, that was not your problem. But the little girl in you who had walked up to the door of your classroom to overhear Chenle say your name insisted on eavesdropping. And who were you to say no to her?
“... That’s the thing, I don’t think I do. I can’t stop thinking about her.” You couldn’t stop instinctual fluttering of your heart. Chenle couldn’t stop thinking about you. Chenle couldn’t stop thinking about you. Your previous conclusion that he was not more than the sum of his parts was thrown out of the window and replaced with schoolgirl butterflies.
“You definitely hate her. Think about it, you just feel bad because of the mom thing. And you insulted her house, but I mean come on, it was a mess anyways.” You rolled your eyes. Park Jisung was a self-righteous dick.
“It’s not her fault. Their family is in crazy amounts of debt because her mom had some sort of untreatable illness and she was sick for so long. Do you know apparently she had been sick for like 13 years? It must have been torture on their family.” You had never heard him defend you before, and you couldn’t help the small smile which grew on your face.
“Oh, God, really? Well then, there’s your answer.”
“What do you mean?”
“You don’t want to be with someone with that in their family. Dude what if she infects you with it?” Your previously elated heart dropped to your stomach as your face fell. Chenle wasn’t going to let him away with that, was he?
“Oh. Yeah.” He was. Zhong Chenle had the perfect knack of getting your hopes up, and just when your heart had warmed to him again, crushing it, and you were sick of it. You spun on your heel, making your way back out to your car without even thinking about it. You didn’t want to have to look at him.
You thought about the situation as you got ready for dinner that night.  You were sick of this stupid game of cat and mouse, where you inevitably always ended up hurt. And thinking back on the past ten years, Chenle had never been a good friend to you. Ever. He gave away your sheet music, he insulted you and now he was talking about you with his friends as if you were some sort of plague just waiting to infect him. You were sick of it and you were sick of him. Zhong Chenle meant nothing to you anymore.
You had half an idea to march out into the hallway where your father was calling you and tell him that you did not want to go, and he couldn’t make you. You drew together pieces of this declaration in your head before firmly making your way into the hall, entirely ready to tell him where the Zhong family could go, but then you saw his face. He had shaved for the first time in a month, the clothes he wore was ironed and smart, and you could have sworn he smelled better than he had in a while. Your previously parted lips closed again and instead of communicating your desire to be anywhere but the Zhong house, the corners turned slightly, mustering up the most sincere smile you could. You could suck up having to sit opposite Chenle for your family - They had gone through so much recently, you thought maybe you could deal with him for another night. 
Your plans to snub him was momentarily interrupted when you realized, as he stomped down the stairs into the entry way of the house, where your family awkwardly hovered, exchanging greetings with the Zhong family, he had worn your favorite jean jacket, white t-shirt and black jeans combo that used to make you melt at the knees. Like always, it made his dark hair seem darker, but you pushed back the bubbling butterflies. What he had done was unforgiveable.
“Why don’t I show you guys my room?” His sister had emphatically exclaimed to your brothers who glanced to your dad. He gave a disinterested shrug, and the three stomped up past where Chenle came from. “Chenle, sweetie, why don’t you bring (Y/N) up to your room? The adults can talk down here.” His mom suggested.
“No, Mrs. Zhong, it’s okay-” You began, but you didn’t get to finish.
“Oh, don’t be ridiculous, I know you won’t want to be stuck with the adults. Just no funny business!” You ignored the sly comment which Chenle’s dad mumbled under his breath about, ‘that being unlikely,’ and hesitantly made your way up the stairs, following in Chenle’s footsteps. His house was the exact same as yours - sure his stairs didn’t creak from years of you and your brothers abuse , and it was much sleeker - the black and white modern décor juxtaposed greatly with the warm, yellow tones of your own house, plus the fact they obvious could afford to have their carpet replaced with hardwood floors, but other than that, there was nothing spectacularly upper class about their house that would suggest they had any right to look down on yours. 
His room matched his personality to a tee. With grey-white walls plastered with posters of his favorite musicians and athletes whom you didn’t recognize, the room was small but clean and smelt like him. That familiar citrusy scent you associated with him filled the air, and past you would have been intoxicated by him, but current you knew better.
He sat down on top of the checked black and white duvet cover, (little did you know, he was secretly celebrating the fact he had happened to change the Stephen Curry bed sheets the day before) and gestured for you to sit down beside him. You remained standing.
“Uh- Hi.” He greeted, a softness to his voice you didn’t recognize but nearly succeeded in melting the barricade you had placed around your heart. Nearly. You didn’t respond, staring down at your shoes as if, suddenly your vans were the most interesting thing in the world.
“You look really pretty.” There he was again, trying to get your hopes up only to smash them again. You wouldn’t let him. Not this time.
“I know what you and Jisung were saying about my mom. And I’m done with you, okay? You can stop this act now.” You blurted out before you could even stop yourself.
Chenle’s face fell, and his head jerked to the side, almost as if you had genuinely slapped him in the face. He looked like a wounded puppy. Why was it so hard to stay angry at him?
“I- Look, (Y/N), it was wrong what Jisung said, I know. I wanted to hit him.” You raised an eyebrow, which sharpened your features and nearly made Chenle melt, both from the radiating heat of your anger and the sheer attractiveness of the action.
“You didn’t say anything to him. You just agreed and laughed. Like a coward.” You replied, simply.
“Yeah - I know. It was wrong of me. I’m sorry, but look, I’ve had a recent... self-discovery and I like you, (Y/N). If you could just give me a second chance.” He pleaded, standing up to look at you sincerely. His honest, chestnut eyes did not hold the same rotten core you had seen in them a month ago in the charity shop, but you held your ground nonetheless. “Third chance, you mean. Realistically, you don’t know me, and I don’t know you. We’ve lived next to each other for 10 years and we’ve had, what, two civil conversations?” Chenle was the one to look down at his feet now, focusing on the hardwood floors. You weren’t wrong - you didn’t really know each other. You relished in the silence as Chenle thought for a moment, before he mumbled,
“That doesn’t change how I feel about you, though.” 
“Well it should.” 
He opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by his mother’s screaming for them to come to dinner. You had turned and left before he even had the opportunity to draw breath and he was left alone in his empty room, which grey walls that had previously been illuminated with the presence of you had dulled in the absence of your vivacity. 
Dinner was a success for the most part, except for the torture of sitting across from you. He bore holes into the side of your head, but you were so skilled in acting as if he wasn’t there, he was starting to question his actual presence at the dinner table; if it were just you and him sitting there, he would have been convinced he was some sort of ghostly apparition.
“So, you paint, right?” His grandfather had directed toward your dad who nodded politely.
“Yeah, I always loved art and - well I couldn’t afford to go to college so I thought why not kill two birds with one stone and do something I love that I don’t need a college education for.” He replied, the bright look on his face when talking about something he loved was so similar to how you used to look at him that Chenle almost felt sick with guilt.
“And you make much money off of that?” His dad had commented, his knife and fork obnoxiously clinking against the plate. Chenle almost sunk down in his chair.
“I make enough.” Your dad replied, stiffly. He spoke how you spoke to him a mere 15 minutes ago.
“Didn’t you used to like art?” His grandfather had asked, turning to his Dad who shrugged, sipping from his expensive wine glass.
“I painted a little.” Chenle had never seen his dad so uncomfortable.
“No, I remember, you wanted to go to art school, right? But my daughter here talked you out of it.” His dad squirmed in his seat as his mother awkwardly laughed, avoiding the topic entirely and asking your dad another question about his job.
The more your dad discussed his ventures into the world of art, the quieter his dad got. He tried to plaster on a smile every now and then, but underneath, Chenle could tell he was sad. He thought about how his dad had always looked down on your family, and the countless times he had referred to your dad as being ridiculous, a low-life who needed to get a ‘proper job.’ He watched the man who had dwindled his life away and wondered, if he was simply angry at himself, as opposed to the kind family across the street. His father was a coward who didn’t chase what he wanted because he was too scared. Chenle swore to himself there and then, that he would not be a coward, like his father. He refused to become the bitter, jealous old man across the street. And so, late that night, after you had all left, he rifled through the papers on his desk and hatched a plan.
Patience and timing were key elements to Chenle’s plan - A month, to be precise. The day of the Christmas talent show. Everyone was excited to watch Chenle perform, especially now that it had been spread that he was dedicating his performance to someone in the audience. Pretty much everyone in the school who was attracted to boys were praying it was them. All except for you, who still hadn’t spoken to him since that fateful night in his bedroom and had resumed your strategic avoidance of him.
He nervously peaked from the side of the stage of the school theatre which had been transformed from it’s boring wood and red velvet into an explosion of tinsel and fairy lights, the excessive Christmas décor almost hurt his eyes. He stared into the audience past Chaeryong’s skillful dancing on stage, despite her optimistic glances towards him, as he clutched sheet music in his hands. He had enlisted Ryujin’s help to ensure that you were sitting in the very middle of the front row, despite her unwillingness. He had to promise her that if he broke your heart again, she had a free pass at kicking him in a very private place. His attention was only broken from the way you hid a laugh as Ryujin whispered into your ear, by Jisung frantically running up to him, whispering as to not to disturb Chaeryong’s performance.
“Dude! There’s a rumor going around that this mystery chick you’re playing for is (Y/N)?” Chenle simply blinked at him.
“And?”
“Is it true?” 
“Yep.” Jisung threw his arms in the air incredulously, whispering as loud as their setting allowed him,
“What the hell is the matter with you! You have every single girl on campus wanting you and you want (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” Chenle spun to stare out into the audience again, turning his back to Jisung. “Leave me alone, Jisung. You wouldn’t understand.” He whispered back, watching and clapping as Chaeryong took her bow, exiting at the other side of the stage.
“You’re right! I completely don’t understand! Have you flipped or something?” Chenle ignored him, breathing out slowly, trying to calm his nerves. 
“This is it.” He mumbled, more to himself than Jisung, ignoring his friend who made a last minute attempt to grab him before he walked on stage.
The entire audience sat with bated breath, you included as he sat down at the piano, almost excruciatingly slowly. You stared at your hands, trying not to look up at the stage because you knew that he was probably about to sing some love song to Chaeryong, since his feelings for you had obviously dissipated since that night, and then they would kiss on stage and everyone would be happy for them. You included. Probably. If you were feeling in a particularly positive mood.
“Um, so I’m sure you all know, that I’m dedicating this performance to someone. Which I am, but I’m not going to say who. Yet. They’ll know who they are.” His smooth voice echoed throughout the entire auditorium, officially piquing your interest as you lifted your head up to look at him. He had already moved to face the piano, his fingers - which were unusually shaking - hovered over the keys as he examined the sheet music in front of him, pressing down the first chord.
Your stomach dropped, the familiarity of the scalic motif he played with his right hand causing you to audibly gasp. You hadn’t heard this piece since you were four. You raised a shaking hand to your mouth, ignoring the way Ryujin was almost definitely staring at you with concern. He had kept the sheet music. You had thought all the time, it was in the back of some shop, never to be played again. But here he was, playing your mother’s music in front of the entire school with pride, his skilful fingers dancing from note to note as if it were as simple as breathing, the music enveloping you in a blanket of comfort.
His playing ended too quickly, finishing with a short section you didn’t recognize and ending on a perfect and harmonious cadence. The audience tentatively applauded, the majority - as in everyone but you and Ryujin - more confused than anything, until he walked to the end of the stage, directly in front of you.
“My favorite color is red.” He stated, looking down at you in your chair.
“Wha - What?”
 “I am the worst loser ever. Seriously, if you play a game with me and you win, I will find ways to blame you for making me lose.”
“Chenle, wha-” “You said you didn’t know me, right? I’m terrified of spiders. I love basketball more than football but I’m better at football. You couldn’t pay me to take science the second it isn’t mandatory anymore. I talk in my sleep. I’m crazy ticklish. I would literally die for Stephen Curry. I’ve been an idiotic dick, for lack of a better word, for the last ten years, and if you let me, I would love the chance to get to know you.”
You couldn’t help the smile that formed on your face as you stared into those eyes - those once again dazzling eyes which bore into you, no evidence of corruption, the oh-so-familiar sensation of your heart warming to his words blooming in you once again, as if it had never left.
Your smile resonated within him and he questioned what the hell had he been doing the last ten years. How could anyone, ever want to run away from you?
“If you break my heart, Zhong Chenle, you have Ryujin to answer too.”
He chuckled, the sound of his laugh more musical than anything he could’ve produced on stage, and as you watched him, you came to the conclusion that Chenle was more than the sum of his parts, astronomically. You knew that Zhong Chenle was still walking around with your first kiss. But he wouldn’t be for long.
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organic-guacamole · 3 years ago
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episode 210 here we go
awww seb doing the intro
congratulations to milky white and her baby chocolate milk😌
seb is so funny
but seriously, clean up that milk fast or else it will smell so bad in there....
was that Lauryn just randomly doing cartwheels? idk any theatre kids irl but that seems like it's a common thing...
is it just me or has ms Jenn been getting more harsh to Ricky and Seb mainly-
like what did they do to her
no because I actually snorted with laughter at the "you came back" WHAT IS THAT VOICE-
AND THE MASK OMG
yeah so my throat hurts now
I'm dying over here
KOURTNEY'S FACE
SAME GIRL SAME
Ricky's fake death got the whole place in tears /s
he looks like an asthmatic walrus
Seb's on piano, I love
we all know if he was the beast we'd all actually be crying✋
ok but I listen to Julia's version of home on Spotify when I want to cry-
right so gimme a second
is Ricky scratching his face.....while he's dying?
"belle i-" *flop*
round of applause to Ashlyn for trying to make Ricky's earthworm seizure look less.... yknow
Kourtney's just dying there
WAIT IS THAT NATALIE
did she really just disappear for 9 episodes just to come back and stare dramatically into the camera
WAIT SCRATCH THAT SHES HERE TO MURDER ASHLYN AND RICKY
oh so Ricky's wearing a gay shirt now too
so that's the real reason why Rini broke up, see y'all next season when Gini and caswen become canon /j
wait that was a long intro scene-
what was that look Carlos-
TALK TO MY BOY OR ELSE
carlos' run is so funny to me
therapist Ashlyn to the rescue
"that is...super" son you good?
ms Jenn call Benjamin, he would willingly put his loved ones on a rocket and blast them into Venus for you....
maybe
"I don't want you kids to be disappointed" girl you do realise you're the one that's most invested in this?
"a smooth opening night" wasn't there just 1 show though-
like their opening night was closing night too
"I think I was Troy at one point" PLEASE THATS THE MOST ACCURATE DESCRIPTION OF THE SEASON 1 FINALE
me Jenn looks like a serial killer during that clap and I'm lowkey scared for zacky
"I have notes"
oo if you're taking suggestions, lemme get my list
"mother is freaking out" uhhhhhh
right....'mother"
"is everyone sitting down?"
*looks around awkwardly*
*big red slowly sits*
"no..."
please seb was the only one sitting-
does that mean Carlos looked at Seb as soon as he walked in and assumed that everyone else was sitting too or am I a seblos clown🤡
"is this about the transformation"
WOW MAYBE OT IS RICKY
WOW HES A DETECTIVE FOR FIGURING THAT OUT SO QUICK🤩
YO WHY IS NATALIE HERE-
she just shows up when it's convenient? is she gonna be at the sleepover too?
Seb's heavy swallow after Carlos shouts at him makes me so sad
"I never learned how to lie but I figure if I keep my mouth closed, I can't tell the truth" *nods and smiles at Nini when she asks*
why are they casually standing up all over the pizza shop, just sit at a big table and talk instead of blocking passageways and blocking off at least 6 tables-
"how about I invite myself" WHY DO PEOPLE ALWAYS FEEL THE NEED TO INVITE THEMSELVES TO ASHLYN'S HOUSE-
YOU CAN ASK BUT JUST FORCE YOUR WAY IN?
so Cash Caswell has a bigger house than... Dennis Caswell.... who would've thought
ah yes there's the good old EJ 1.0
Nini: "boys vs girls"
Gina: *looks devastated and glances longingly at EJ*
way to be inconspicuous
"but north high should be" *cracks her knuckles in the most uncomfortable way*
good for Ashlyn for getting more confident though
oo bossy big red
"i get bossy around the power tools"
is that why Ashlyn was holding up the drill in episode 8 orrrr 🤠
oh
Lily, leave him alone please
she's literally not blinking, is that what makes her creepy?
the diss at big red and his face afterwards is priceless
isn't that similar to what Gina's mom said to her in season 1? hmmmm
but seriously please don't try to redeem lily, let us have a character to hate, or to love because they're evil.
not everyone's a good guy.
"im not liked here and I don't know what to do"
let antoine finish his salad and it'll fix everything
"hug emoji" *gags*
y'all realize Lily's literally 14?
why is she calling a 16/17 year old from another school for personal advice-
"he gets weird around tools"
I shouldn't be laughing so hard
"deja vu maybe?" awkward silence
I'm dying here I love EJ so so so so much
"where's seb"
*cuts to seb being held hostage hoping that they'd notice he's missing and go look for him*
"don't ask"
"oh ok"
"100% real faux fur" as you should queen
sponsored by target
Kourtney is singlehandedly saving the entire show.
Seb making finger guns make me happier than it should
why is this kinda making me want to have a co-ed sleepover with my non-existent theatre friends
YES YOU DO NEED TO TALK/SING TO SEB CARLOS THANK YOU FOR KNOWING THAT
wait what-
you haven't talked to him all WEEK-
Carlos are you stupid /hj
Benjamin is so adorable I can't
he turned around to come back for her instead of going home. you're "what do you want Jenn🙄X act isn't fooling anyone Benjamin 🙃
10101
1+4+16= 21st?
they placed 21st?
or do I just not remember how to convert to base ten
GIRL DON'T BE RUDE TO HIM, HE'S GONNA SAVE YALL
no ms Jenn, the kids are not eccentric 35 year olds.
aww sebby
is he thinking that Carlos is only with him cuz he's the only other openly gay guy at school-
son you are a perfect little bean don't put yourself down
yes they all ship portwell as they should.
they'll be throwing risotto at the wedding.
not the chocolates. stop there are no chocolates. please stop I'm dying.
Gina you don't have to explain yourself to her
it was a misunderstanding and it's in the past
why is Ashlyn still laughing-
exactly it wasn't a big deal please just move on Nini
Kourtney really be out here saving everything
WHY IS ASHLYN STILL LAUGHING
why do I feel like when Gina finally told Ash about it, she didn't think it was that funny but wanted to feel included in the inside joke so now she brings it up randomly to show that she's in on it....I totally don't do that...
"idk, the farmer type" oh son...
Ashlyn and big red are just spilling the secrets back and forth huh?
OOO EJ AND GINA SITTING IN A TREE K-I-S-S-I-
cmon guys don't look at me like that-
"she is the best" and "we're buddies" don't sound right together
"pretty boy" "sweet boy" best ways to describe EJ
I love him.
and aw he's scared of rejection so he'll hold back just to keep her happy and not awkward how sweet
is Ricky wondering if letting her go(literally his song from last episode) was the best thing he did for Nini because he doesn't feel like it now? hmmm this is getting good
why is everyone so invested in Kourtney and Howie's relationship
PACK UP THE LAZY RICKY THING
oh yes Benji, that's exactly what she's doing
she couldn't follow her dream or whatever so now she's using the kids to gain some of the success she craves. why else would she have that massive hsm poster with her name on it in huge letters in her office.
just casually grab his hand with both your hands and stare at him creepily 🥰
ship jennzzara y'all
the first bump was a missed opportunity to do the baymax "falalala" as a reference to the fact that they watched big hero six while committing arson✋
wait so big red and EJ just left Ricky in the basement and now Ricky invited Carlos when they're supposed to be at the stage?
help no Ricky looks like he's about to tell Carlos he likes him (I know it's about writing the song for seb but still, look at his body language and tell me it doesn't look like that)
Ricky is so mature about this, he really just wants Nini to be happy even though he's hurting-
baby you deserve love, maybe Nini isn't the one for you but don't say you don't deserve it
why does he keep adding bro to the end like he doesn't know how to address Carlos
PLEASE CARLOS HAVING TO ADDRESS THE BRO THING
"let's write a song when we have like 45 minutes to get to the place and help our friends possibly win $50000 at the show in 2 weeks"
"can you hit a high C?"
"that's like the bottom of my range"
why am I laughing
this is so cool to see friendship interactions that we don't normally get to see
Nini why are you being like this-
Gina did nothing wrong??
I saw that, EJ and Gina being the only ones going in the same direction👀
right so obviously Kourtney's waiting until after the menkies to get back with Howie just in case he really is just using her as a way in to east high... obviously... right?
CARLOS
OK ITS COMING GET READY YALL
Why is portwell so awkward all of a sudden
OMG EJ
OMG GINA SAY YES or not, do what you want.
the way she doubts that EJ would genuinely ask so she has to make sure it's not Ashlyn behind it
OH
THE "NOT THAT I KNOW OF"
LIKE WHAT GINA SAID TO JACK ABOUT EJ BEING HER BOYFRIEND
GUYS THEY'RE SOULMATES
I want risotto now please
THEY'RE SO SWEET AND ADORABLY AWKWARD ITS LIKEEK LITTLE KIDS
OOOOOOO what is this place that seblos is in, looks fancy....and secluded
oh wait no Ricky's just standing there
wait is it the bomb shelter
it looks so good what
HSKAGSJAGAJAGWISGSKAUASBWKSVAIWBAISBQKSHIQBWOABWOABDOQBZIQBAIAQBSIWBQISVQKSIANSGOQBSAISBKASBKWBAIABQOSBBSJAHAJAVAJSBAJHSKAHSJAHAJAJAAJAHHHHHHHH
@youranxiousnerd ARE YOU OK?
CUZ IM NOT OK
LOOK AT SEBBY'S FACE
LOOK AT HOW ADORABLE IT IS
THE LYRICS ARE KILLING ME
SEBLOS IS KILLING ME
I AM DEAD
PLEASE SEND HELP
I like to imagine that Frankie and Joe practiced this in their apartment and just had a blast with it.
or maybe that Frankie practiced in secret like what Joe did for the climb
OH THE SUITS
THATS WHERE THAT CLIP IN THE PROMO WAS FROM
AWWW SEBBY'S SO CUTE
HE'S A LITTLE MARSHMALLOW
they're still so awkward with the dance I cant
let's appreciate Frankie's voice though
this episode really was made just for the seblos and portwell stans and you gotta love it
BIG RED GET OUT
WHY DOES HE ALWAYS DO THIS
Seb's little "yeah" IS ADORABLE
you can't tell me that wouldn't have been the best time for them to say I love you....IF FREAKIN BIG RED WASN'T THERE
ok but wait Ricky needs more hugs like that, look at his face
the boy needs love
"bro" please don't let Ricky and Carlos go back to not talking because their friendship is amazing
EJ laughing at Ricky sounding like a cat coughing up a furball is so funny to me
RICKY'S FLOP GETS ME EVERYTIME
I knew it was too good to be true
ok so Ricky's dead, next in line please
this episode was so short but I love it so much. this is what I signed up for for season 2✋
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purpletaecup · 4 years ago
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6 ☾ these echoes of laughter fade into a distant memory
note: fully written chapter again this time, with social media half chapters coming later this week! this chapter is mainly Yoongi and we see a little bit of his side and how he felt in the past and how he feels in the present. not edited, wanted to post this before the concert so we can all cry together!
rlly important note: i suggest you guys listen to nineteen by hayley williams because i basically base this whole story off that song (and some chinese webnovels i read lmfao). It’s one of my favorite songs ever and it hurts a whole lot. I wish i could experience how I felt when I listened to it for the first time again. As always, feel free to vent/rant and tell me your theories about how the story is going to go! let’s cry together :’)
final note: IM SORRYYY FOR THISSSS don’t hate me pleaseee 
word count: 2,523
That night, Yoongi slept in your hospital room. The emotional weight of everything that had happened had kept him nailed to the chair beside your bed. The smell of the air after the rain permeated into the room and reminded him of the day that his lawyer delivered the divorce papers to you, who was alone at home and probably waiting for him. Looking back at it, maybe it was an impulse decision that he made due to the frustration and exhaustion that your marriage caused him. He grew weary and waking up in the morning felt like a chore. You were distant, he was distant and both of you were living lives going in different directions. But you loved each other, and for a while, he thought that could be enough. Evidently, it wasn’t. He doesn’t regret the divorce because in the end, he thought he was doing what was best for the both of you. He knew how tired you were and how you felt being around the people in his life. He felt the same way with the people in yours. Everything about your lives clashed and he thought that divorce was the best solution for both of you to become happy again. He wasn’t getting any younger, but you were still very young and you could still find someone who could love and cherish you better than he could.
He didn’t regret it.
He didn’t.
Or at least that’s what he keeps telling himself. He didn’t regret it. He couldn’t regret it. But remembering how you looked when he came home that night breaks his heart to pieces. Your pale and shivering figure crying by the front door and the way your trembling hands shook him off when he tried to help you up. It was a sight that would remain ingrained in his mind and his heart forever. When you two finally made it inside your house to sit on the couch, he fully expected you to shout and scream and throw a tantrum about the divorce papers. He did not expect the quiet sobs that wracked your figure, or the broken “why are you doing this?” and finally the resignation in your voice when you told him you’d sign it. He remembered, at that moment, that he began crying too. He walked over and sat next to you and took you in his arms like you were his whole world even though he knew he had just ruined yours. With his head buried in your damp hair and neck, he whispered a million apologies. Sorry for breaking your heart. Sorry for wasting your time. Sorry for not knowing how to love you properly. Sorry for not trying.
These apologies meant nothing to you. They were nothing compared to the pain you had endured to be with him, to love him. He didn’t know that. For the last months of your relationship, he didn’t know who you were and that’s what pushed him to get the divorce. You were a shell of the woman you were when you two first met. Your smile didn’t make butterflies appear in his stomach anymore and your laugh didn’t make his heart flutter like it used to. It wasn’t the same anymore. You were both different people, changed people.
In the midst of this change, he was introduced to Yura by Jungkook. A model he worked with a couple times and a really nice woman. Beautiful, even. Almost as beautiful as you, he had thought when he first met her. Jungkook pushed and pushed for him to hang out with them and the rest of the guys and the more he saw Yura, the more he talked to her, the more he began to like her. She reminded him of you when he first met you.
You were 19 and he was 23 and you were modeling at the same set he was supposed to shoot at an hour later. He came early to help the staff prepare for his music video shoot and hopefully talk to the director but he had ended up watching your shoot for most of the time until it was his turn for the set. The people around you liked to say that Yoongi fell in love with you at first sight. He often refuted that it wasn’t at first sight because he wasn’t the type of person to fall in love because of how someone looks. In private, he told you that he fell in love with you at first smile, first laugh. The sight of you laughing genuinely in the middle of hydrangeas and baby’s-breath enchanted him so much that he remained rooted to the floor for the remainder of your shoot.
The laughs and the smiles were Yoongi’s favorite. You were the most beautiful person he’d ever met. You are still the most beautiful he’d ever met, but perhaps it was the exhaustion of life that wore the both of you down. What had started as a beautiful, youthful romance filled with picnics in meadows had ended with divorce papers on a rainy day in September.
These are the thoughts that followed Yoongi to sleep that night.
[nov. 10, 2020]
The same thoughts haunted him day in and day out ever since he left that next morning at the insistence of Jungkook and Taehyung. He spent 4 days on his own, working and living his life but only on the surface. Conservations with people, including his friends, remained minimal. He couldn’t stop thinking about your broken and bruised body laying in the hospital bed, and he was anxious for the news of you waking up but none had come. He received no calls from the hospital since he left, and Taehyung said that visiting was meaningless unless the doctor told him new information.
Yura told him, verbatim, “I understand that you’re worried about her safety, but the doctors said she would be fine. She’s your ex-wife, I get it, but she’s not your responsibility anymore.”
In a way, she was right. But he couldn’t help but feel sick at the thought of leaving you all alone there. He knew it was hard for Jin to come out because he was incredibly busy with work, and when he wasn’t traveling for his job, he lived too far from both of you to ever accompany you in the way that you needed. In addition to that, he had no idea what happened to you and your mom. The last he heard, which was when you were still married, you were on speaking terms with her and there wasn’t a problem between the two of you. At least not that he knew of. Namjoon was on a book tour and Jimin was constantly booked due to his dance career. In any case, you had no one here. Yoongi was all you had and that was evident in your unchanged emergency contact list.
After Yura had said that, he felt uneasy being around her so he told her that he truthfully couldn’t stand to just move on with his life while you were practically lifeless in the hospital, and if that was a problem with her then maybe they should just take a break from each other. He kept telling himself that he really liked Yura and he wanted what she could give him, but he couldn’t ignore the four years that you two spent building a life together. Especially not now that you were pregnant, a fact that he had kept hidden from Yura.
When he thought about the pregnancy, everything else seemed to melt away. Despite the circumstances, the news of your pregnancy made him happy. Extremely so, albeit a little scared as well. He wondered how long you had known, and if you were happy or scared.Or what if you didn’t know at all? As far as he could tell, you weren’t showing. There was no sign of a bump on your little belly, but the doctor’s words were irrefutable. There was a baby growing in there. A baby that was half you and half him and that thought of that made him smile like he hadn’t in a long, long time.
That night, he dreamt about a little girl with your eyes and your smile and a nose that resembled his. A laughter that reminded him of yours echoed in those dreams.
[nov. 11, 2020]
Pleasant dreams faded into a pleasant morning as Yoongi woke up much earlier than he was used to and felt better than he had in ages. He spent some time by himself before his phone was bombarded by phone calls and text messages from the group chat with the boys asking him when he was coming for work.
As he saw the sun take its place in the blue skies and white clouds, he decided that the day was too beautiful to waste on a day in the company. 5 days passed since your accident and he thought it was time to go back to the hospital and see how you were doing. Of course he wasn’t expecting any changes to your condition considering he hasn’t gotten any phone calls from the hospital yet, but he thought it might make him feel more at ease to sit next to you.
On his way to the hospital, he stopped by the flower shop you often went to, the one next to the park with the yellow flowers that you liked so much. The woman at the front, whose name was Yerin by the looks of her nametag, recognizes you immediately.
“Mr. Min Yoongi? How can we help you today?” She asks, immediately standing up straight at your intimidating presence.
“Just here to get some flowers.” He replies nonchalantly.
Yerin runs around the counter to stand in front of him.
“Is there anything specific you’re looking for?”
“No, not really—wait a second, that flower right there. Give me a bouquet of those.” He says, pointing to the bunches of purple flowers hiding behind Yerin.
She turns to see what he was pointing to. “Ah, purple lilacs. Okay, I’ll put it together for you really quick!”
He saw her go around the many shelves of flowers to what he assumed was the back inventory of the shop and didn’t see her come out until a couple of minutes later. In her hands was a beautiful bouquet of the purple lilacs with white baby's-breath. His eyes softened at the sight of the white flowers. The sight was familiar to him.
“That would be 25,830 won.” Yerin handed the bouquet to him and smiled.
He handed her 35,000 won, murmured his thanks and left. Once out of the shop, he was hit by the bright sunlight and couldn’t help looking over to the park. Kids were running around while their parents watched them on picnic blankets.
Warm and sunny days like this reminded him of you. Spending your days in the sun, laying on a picnic blanket and eating fruits, was your very existence.
He spends only a few moments admiring the scenery of people enjoying the weather before he makes his way back to his car and to the hospital. When he arrives at your room, nothing has changed except for the fact that your skin has regained a bit of its color and the bruises began the healing process.
Yoongi sets the flowers down on the table beside your bed. He moves the chair from the wall to the side of the bed so he could sit right next to you. His heart almost stops when he sees your face. It seems like the nurses changed the bandage on your head as the bandaging was noticeably lighter, but he could still see a bit of blood seeping through. The bruises on your arms and everywhere alarm him but he knows that you’re okay and you’re healing and that’s enough for him. It’s enough to know that you were alive and going to be fine.
His eyes trail down to your stomach and he lets it linger on them for a long time because he takes your hand in his and takes a deep breath. Two months ago he could have never imagined that this is where he would be right now. Two months ago, both of you had walked away from your marriage and Yoongi honestly thought that you two may never have crossed paths again despite his thoughts going to you more often than it should be. Now, two months later, you were divorced and pregnant with his child. His eyes continue to stare at your stomach, still flat and showing no signs of carrying a second life, and he resists the urge to caress it. You weren’t conscious and even if you were, would you allow your ex-husband to feel your stomach like that? No, probably not.
And that’s when he felt a twitch in his hand, not coming from his own. He looks down to see your fingers moving just barely. His first reaction was shock, then anxiety. He didn’t know what to do and the shock of your movement paralyzed him. It was only when he felt another movement, stronger this time, that he felt the need to press the call button to alarm the doctors and nurses. You were moving, which meant that you might be waking up.
The moments pass quickly and slowly at the same time. The doctors barely made it in time to see you flutter your eyes open and groan with a broken voice. Yoongi looked down at you, still holding your hand. You blinked your eyes multiple times. The light was too bright to take in all at once. He squeezed your hand at the relief he felt in seeing you wake up.
“Yn, how are you feeling baby?” He couldn’t help the pet name that came out of his mouth. You looked so vulnerable and fragile that it came out on instinct.
Yoongi waited for a reply for a little bit but heard none. The doctor came around to stand next to you.
“Miss Yn? Can you see us? Hear us?” he asked.
You nodded slowly, wincing at the pain in and on your head.
“Where m’I?” You attempt to speak out, but it comes out broken and croaky.
Yoongi is glad to hear your voice, to hear you talk for the first time in so long.
“You’re in the hospital right now, you were in a car accident but you’re okay now baby. How are you feeling?” He couldn’t help but ask.
You craned your head towards him, blinking furiously with your eyebrows furrowed. Confusion marred your features. Yoongi was scared that you finally realized he was here, with you, and would kick him out at any chance. He was scared that you were going to kick him out of you life before he could ever see the baby that you had made together, but this fear of his could have never prepared him for the next words to come out of your mouth.
“Who are you?”
← masterlist → 
taglist batch 1: @victoriedulce @yoongistruth @rebeccawoodrow @moon-asia @koochiekoo @sonderkook @fangirling-gallifreyan @teresaisla @veronawrites @haeilove @rjsmochii @mama-m0chi @agustd-2020 @imluckybitches @dreamer95 @coldfreakeggsexpert @rjsmochii @loveyoongles @selfproducingfanfictionauthor @mr-robot-x​
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tooruluv · 4 years ago
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Tooru Oikawa x F!Reader ( part 9 )
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❝ my love for him is much like winter, a skeleton for the world to see. too bad he never liked the cold. ❞
description: being the neighbor and lifelong best friend of tooru oikawa definitely had it’s perks. you were never an outcast, always had a seat at lunch, got into volleyball games for free. the problem was, however, that being in love with him outweighed those perks. you would never tell him that, though, even if it hurt like hell.
genre: best friends to lovers, angst, unrequited love, fluff if you squint hard enough
word count: 1,442
warnings/notes: i was able to be online for a bit so i wanted to release this (rather short) filler chapter for you guys! <3
tag list: @afuckingunicornn​​​​​​ @maii-flowers​​​​​​ @clandestinerays​​​​​​ @brownandchill​​​​​​ @readeretal​​​​​​ @wedojustbevibin​​​​​​ @shigarakiskitten​​​​​​ @shittykawaa​​​​​​ @saeranoppa​​​​​ @srirachibi​​​​​ @tpwkatsumu​​​​ @sempiternal-amour​​​​ @bokutos-h0e​​​​ @pinknugget​​​​ @intheawks​​​​ @tori218​ @seikamuzu​ @alexthe80swhore​
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You skipped school for a week. It was a full week of heartache; most of which included the following: watching new shows (and finishing them), being brought food by your very understanding mother, crying, taking very long baths, wallowing in self-pity (which is something you tried not to do, but ended up doing anyway), crying until you were dehydrated, and ignoring texts and calls.
A new week was starting when your mom walked into your room, interrupting your daily “stare at the ceiling in sadness”. She sat on the end of your bed by your feet when she said, “It’s time for you to return to life.”
“What if I don’t want to?”
“Sweetheart, I get it.” She placed a hand on your ankle, trying to pull your attention to her. You kept your eyes on the ceiling. “Trust me, I do. But you can’t continue to isolate yourself from life. You have a beautiful, bright future in front of you. Exams are coming up, and your friends miss you.”
You sighed. “I guess I’ll go.”
“Good! Quite frankly, I’m tired of lying to your friends. Did you know that Iwaizumi resorted to texting me every day?” Your mom stood up, sending you a smile when you followed suit. “Clean your room. I’ll drive you to school tomorrow.”
You agreed, staring at the empty water bottles next to your bed.
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Out of the hundreds of texts and missed calls, you decided to text Iwaizumi back first. He was the one who you’ve known the longest (other than the other boy you shall not name) and had helped you through your Love Problems.
you: hey. i’m ok. pls tell me that you’ll be at school tomorrow
iwa <3: fuck dude
iwa <3: you scared the shit out of me i deadass texted your fucking mom
iwa <3: i will be at school tomorrow the question is will you
you: yeah i’m coming. didn’t wanna be alone
iwa <3: you’ll never be alone darling
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Despite everything telling you not to, you got up that Monday morning for school. You cleaned your room, you showered, you got a good night’s rest. You even ate breakfast. Yet, you still felt like… well, shit.
Your mother drove you to school, sending you a small smile and wave of encouragement like it was your first day of kindergarten and you were scared to go in. Truth was, you wanted to throw up all over the front doors and go straight back into your bedroom and watch another Gordon Ramsay compilation on youtube.
You sighed and went into Hell (hell being school). You tried to act as normal as possible but it was evident that everyone in the entire school hadn’t moved on from the whole thing, eyes staring at you and inaudible whispers.
“Great.” You mumbled to yourself, whipping your locker open.
It was at that moment that Tooru Oikawa made his appearance. He was walking next to Hanamaki, talking among themselves, when Oikawa stopped dead in his tracks. Hanamaki gave him a small pat on his back before leaving (and effectively leaving the awkward situation that would inevitably happen).
He opened his locker beside you.
“Hi!” He greeted, as though it was the most normal and casual thing ever. “You’re feeling better? Your mom said that��”
You didn’t acknowledge him, closing your locker and walking to class. Maybe you’ll find Iwaizumi before class…
“Whoa. Wait!” Oikawa was walking beside you then, easily catching up to you. “Did you get any of my texts?”
You spun on your heels, finally facing him after a week of being MIA and trying to forget your love for him. He swallowed and stared back at you.
“I don’t know what you want me to do.” You shrugged. “I told you that I needed time. And by that, I mean I need time away from you specifically. I’m not going to entertain the idea of pretending that nothing happened between us because it did.”
Oikawa blinked, nodding. “Okay, okay. Yes.” He purposefully took a step back, literally giving you space. “But can I ask one thing? Just one?”
“Go ahead.”
“For how long?” He asked. “How long do you think it’ll take for you to talk to me again?”
“I don’t know. Maybe when the school stops staring at me like a wounded puppy.”
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“I’ve missed you!” Sana brought you into a hug, her boobs straight into your face. “I seriously thought that you dropped off of the face of the earth.”
You let a small smile creep onto your lips. The first smile in a while. “Sorry.”
“Don’t you dare apologize. What even happened?”
“That’s a story for later.”
She linked her arm with yours before walking with you to the library. Iwaizumi and Matsukawa sat at the usual table, heads in books like their life depended on it. It wasn’t until you were nearly next to them that they realized you were there. You hadn’t been able to see Iwaizumi all day.
“Oh my god, she’s really here.” Matsukawa exclaimed, a bit too loud for a library. 
Iwaizumi got up from his seat (also very loudly, a squeak from the chair on the floor). He immediately pulled you into a hug, picking you up and putting his head into your shoulder.
“Shittykawa told me what happened.” He mumbled into your neck. You bit the inside of your lip and wrapped your arms around his waist. “I’m not going to ask if you’re okay, but I do want you to know that I know.”
“You always know.” You mumbled back.
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Hajime Iwaizumi was walking with Issei Matsukawa when he caught Oikawa leaving your house. He knew immediately that something had happened, that something wasn’t quite right, because Oikawa had his head down. He never had his head down.
Iwaizumi turned to his boyfriend, telling him “I’ll be right back.” Matsukawa gave him a kiss on the wrist before letting him run off.
“Hey man,” Iwaizumi jogged to his best friend. Oikawa stopped, head still at his feet. “Hey. What’s up?”
“Nothing.”
“Oikawa.” Iwaizumi stood in front of him, cutting him off. “Don’t bullshit me. What’s going on? What happened?”
When Oikawa didn’t answer, Iwaizumi put his arms on his shoulders to bring his head up. Oikawa was red-faced, tears running down his cheeks. He was in pain.
“I, um.” Oikawa looked back and forth, never really meeting Iwaizumi’s eyes. “I told her that I’m in love with her. We kissed and I told her that I love her.”
“Oh?” That’s a good thing… right?
“She shut the door in my face. She said that she “thought that she was in love with me too”. And just shut the door.”
“Oh.”
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“What if we got married?” Oikawa once asked you, a giggling child in the morning sun.
You both laid in your backyard, the grass long and bugs flew along your heads. You didn’t care. You giggled back to him.
“That’s gross! You have cooties!”
“Not if we’re married I don’t!” Oikawa stuck his tongue out at you.
“We’re too young to get married! We have to at least be old… like 20 years old!”
“Ew!”
You laid like that, giggling and laughing as kids, until your mom called you in for lunch. Oikawa ran to the door (“last one there is a rotten egg!”).
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tetsurou kuroo :P: i heard that you’ve finally left the darkness and stepped back into regular life
tetsurou kuroo :P: hajime texted me sorry if that sounded like i’m stalking you.
tetsurou kuroo :P: unless you’re into that... then i’m totally stalking you...
tetsurou kuroo :P: PLS IM KIDDING anyway can i come over today. i have another hoodie for you.
you: you’re cute. i miss you too.
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You walked home alone that night. After a while of isolation, human interaction actually seemed like a chore. You just wanted to be alone, even if it was just for a few minutes as you walk.
You heard walking behind you.
“You can walk next to me.” You said, knowing exactly who it was. “I know you don’t have practice on Mondays.”
Tooru Oikawa appeared next to you in only a few seconds, jumping at the offer. The roles were reversed now.
“I don’t want to overstep boundaries.” He said.
“I know.”
“I’m sorry, again. For kissing you.”
“I know.”
He stared at you instead of the sidewalk ahead. You kept your eyes on the sky.
“I’m sorry for telling you that I love you, too.”
“Don’t be sorry about that.” You stepped onto your porch where Kuroo stood, waiting for you. “That was the one thing you did right.”
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aelin-world-walker · 4 years ago
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Some headcanons I have post-ACOSF
(don’t ask where this comes from i’m just aching because i finished rereading acosf and thinking headcanons is my coping mechanism)
(i wrote “some” in the title but they are like a million????)
(like now this is a master list of headcanons i have...)
BE AWARE OF ACOSF SPOILERS!!!
*Probably I’ll edit it pretty often because headcanons come whenever they like.
*i’ll probably add feysand headcanons in the future but not now because there’re A LOT out here but know I have some like feysand beign parents is too cute to ignore.
*sorry if there are some spelling errors, English is not my first language.
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The cabin headcanons
(yes the cabin has its own subtitle)
Cassian takes Nesta to the cabin after their mating bond ceremony and then happens chapter 55 but Nesta adapted. There’s no soup but a biscuit.
When Nyx is a little older he starts participating in the snowball fight. Rhys, Cassian and Az let him win.
In one of her visits, Feyre paints her sisters and Nyx’s eyes beside the IC ones, because they are now part of the Court of Dreams (this one made me cry a little honestly)
Whenever one of the IC’s couples wants to take a break they go to the cabin. Sometimes Az goes too to play chaperone. Spoiler: it doesn’t work (especially NOT with Nessian) (this one made me laugh)
Nesta likes the cabin’s vibes to read, so she goes often. Sometimes Cassian joins her but he bores to death so he wouldn’t let her read (if you get what i mean)
I can imagine the IC visiting it, long nights bonding in front of a fire and playing board games. Rhys, Nesta and Azriel are so competitive that stay awake til one of them wins. (actually Rhys and Azriel competitive spirit over board games is canon) (i just imagine Nesta playing the courtier to win) (then she loses and is cranky for a day). Meanwhile, Mor and Cassian drink themselves silly, and Feyre and Elain play with Nyx. Amren just purrs sitting in Varian’s lap. (Amren as the house cat)
The girls decide to do their own snowball fight honestly i don’t know why this is not canon yet. One year they decide to do girls vs. boys. The girls win and the boys don’t want to play against them again.
Nyx and his cousins learning to fly in a summer vacation there. (yeah because nessian’s children are happening in the future and they are in some of my headcanons sorry)
Nesta, Gwyn and Emerie go there sometimes (not so often because they prefer staying with the House please never forget they are all friends) and go hiking.
When Nyx and Nessian’s children are older and misbehave their parents send them to the cabin. Then whoever of them didn’t got to be grounded slips alcohol to the ones inside. (Actually i can see them doing this??? Rhys and Mor did the same. Also I can see Nyx and his cousins having a relationship similar to Rhys and Mor’s and Aelin and Aedion’s)
Inner Circle couples and the sauna. Not gonna say anything else, but just know it’s hella weird there’re no scenes in there...
The House of Wind headcanons
(big house deserved its own headcanons)
Nesta installs a dance studio in there and whenever she can she goes and dance for hours.
Nesta, Gwyn, Emerie and the House start a monthly sleep-over in the private library. The House always conjures the miniature pegasus without being asked.
Can we talk about the fact that in the future the House of Wind will have a nursery???? because i have to talk about it. don’t know if i’ll be able to do so without crying but just- nessian’s babies nation
When Nessian’s children are born the House would conjure anything just to please them and will protect them at all costs. The House as a babysitter and mother-hen.
The House starts talking to Cassian and recommends him smut books. He reads them and find them pretty interesting. He also recommends the House books but as they are of warfare the House finds them boring.
When Cassian and Nesta fight the House would be angry with Cassian for some days and would serve his food cold.
The House of Wind is Nyx’s favorite place in the city. Cassian and Nesta even give him a room when he is older. He loves it for the same reason Rhys did: flying. He also likes asking the House ridiculous things -the House loves his petitions-
Azriel keeps his room of course, but playing the chaperone is useless now (it always was)
Mor befriends the house and together they plan jokes to Cassian.
Feyre loves going to the House because it reminds her that her sister is happy and will never be alone.
Nessian headcanons
(of course there are nessian’s headcanons)
While sleeping, Cassian is very restless while Nesta sleeps in a ball, but they make it work. Also, Cassian takes all the blankets so Nesta ends up beside him and his wings.
The two of them loves sleeping in. Cassian would never admit it because he would never hear the end of it from the ic. (i know he said in acomaf that daylight is precious but now that he has found his mate he has change a liiitle his opinion about that. like now wake up beside his love is more precious than anything!!!!!)
I think it’s not fair we didn’t got a smut scene in the bathtub.
And in Windhaven.
Aaaaand in the cabin.
When Nesta has a nightmare, Cassian would hug her and comfort her while remind her it was a dream, and now she got out, and is loved and cherished by a lot of people.
Nesta loves that Cassian strokes her head, more when her hair is down. (i really like that nesta prefers updo hairstyles tho)
Nesta sitting on Cassian’s lap. That’s all I need for a next book. (i also need more domestic scenes between them like the one in Winter Solstice when Nesta hangs their coats) (also i need to read nessian from another pov i want to know how they look like from outside their pov)
Nessian dancing into the darkest hours, losing themselves into the music and their embrace. (i need a slow dancing fanfic thx)
Nesta is still a little uncomfortable to venture into Velaris so she asks Cassian to fly her over the city whenever she needs to go out and doesnt want to tangle in the multitude.
Cassian reading an Illyrian report while Nesta reads a romance book. Domestic mates part one hundred.
Nesta loves flying (WHY THIS IS NOT CANON SARAH) (like i would have been awesome to read nesta liking flying after that scene with rhys in acowar)
I love that is canon they like chocolate cake idk just wanted to say that.
Nesta headcanons
(my daughter deserves them)
Every Starfall, Nesta would take the stairs down and up just to remind herself the way up is long but by the end she would find happiness.
She is really protective over the House. She wouldn’t let anyone spill anything or mess around.
She starts taking dancing lessons again, even though she doesn’t need them. It’s her favorite part of the week. I can imagine Gwyn joining her. Emerie prefers watching them and smirk while drinking tea.
She visits her father’s tomb more than her sisters, and tells him every aspect of her life because she didn’t do it when he was alive.
She doesn’t like the Court of Nightmares, but the Winter Solstice ball in there is one of her favorites events of the year.
She goes back to being a courtier/emmisary for the Night Court and loves tormenting the people she has to deal with. (just imagine Nesta in Vallahan, they would sign the treaty in a second)
She continues working in the Library because she is still healing and the Library is such a big part of that. She continues fighting with Merrill too (gwyn is please of that)
Also she starts practicing with Amren to use her powers, even if there is not a lot to master (tho i think she is still very powerful but let’s wait for the next book to confirm this)
ALSO Nesta as a mother: she gives her children a lot of love because she remembers how it is to have a cold mother and doesn’t want to repeat the story.
Nessian’s children headcanon
(tho i imagine they have at least a daughter so she is gonna appear a lot in my hc sorry)
I can imagine them having an unexpected pregnancy idk why they would be very happy tho (like chaolene’s) (not so soon after acosf, they would enjoy some free-of-babies-years)
Now I want a fanfic about nessian finding out they are pregnant please writers do it
Tho I can imagine its during training.
Nessian’s baby would sleep between them. Cassian loves that and even though Nesta says the contrary, privately she loves it too.
Nesta teaching their daughter to dance, while Cassian teaches her to fly. Together, they teach her to fight. Their daughter wants to be a Valkyrie like her mom and aunts.
Also Nesta reading her daughter to bed and then getting asleep. Cassian would find the two of them sleeping and would cover them with a quilt.
Their daughter loves to hear the stories about Nessian’s Blood Rites, and would ask everyone about them.
Their daughter is their number 1 fan im crying in softness
She also wants to hear the stories of her uncles and aunts even though some are sad, because she knows they are happy and together now.
I can see Nessian wanting another baby tbh but let’s stop in one until Sarah shows us the contrary.
But just imagine Nessian’s children + Nyx playing hide-and-seek on the House of the Wind and the House helping them hide.
Nessian’s daugther loves hearing Gwyn sing, and is particularly obsessed with Emerie because she sees herself in Emerie (like they are both Illyrians i’m crying nessian’s daughter doesnt understand why her aunt can’t fly).
She has spring allergies too.
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alijaymtz · 3 years ago
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Its been years since ive been here, it seems like this is the only place where i feel irrelevant and disconected from the real world. 
A lot has changed since I last wrote how I felt. 
I moved, began college, and live with my father. 
Ive said it before but there is no person I hate more than that man, he does things and then forgets the damage he caused but instead he knows how to guilt trip others. 
Im currently studying psychology, and through the study of it ive been able to categorize my father with borderline personality disorder. I doubt he’ll ever know nor will i ever tell him. 
I’ve learned to mask myself, my depression, my anger, my personality, when im home with him. Everything disapoints him. There are times that he forgets telling me to tell something to other people and then I am left in a negative place. “But you told me to tell them” ...”I never said that, IN MY LIFE IVE NEVER SAID THAT” ...
Its been two days since ive told him im styuduing to become a psychologist, today, while driving home from the gym, he asks me if I have some type of mental disorder in a joking way. I tell him “yeah, I am bipolar.” but according to several tests we’ve been reviewing in class. “yeah that makes sense” he says “I noticed since you left me when you were young”. 
When I was a child my father used to abuse my mother, hes done several crazy and traumatizing things, he broke her ribs, punched her, kicked her on the ground, for small things like burnt food or her complaining he returned home at 2 am. Back then my mother, who I think was brave, decided it was no longer safe to live with my dad because he began beating my older brother just as much as he beat my mom. 
She picked a bag, dumped in mostly my clothing and my brothers, and we headed straight to the police. Unfortunetly, they were unable to help us. So we went to the embasy, and they sent us to a shelter for women. Over the next few years I lived in shelter homes, foster homes, but safe. At one point I lived without my brother and mother but was happy, and safe. 
My mother was sent by court to return to Mexico, so we packed up and came with her. My dad staying behind “as the bread winner” or whatever. We lived in a small one bedroom with no beds or other furniture but we were happy... Untill my dad came. For a while he seemed content, unbothered, but a few months later he returned to his demonic state. 
He would not only hit my mother to the pulp, my brother, now he did it to me too. He began to fear we were becoming Mexican and began to teach us the muslim way. Through the dicipline in his feet, he’d kick us untill out noses bleed then a few minutes later kiss our cheeks and talk to us kindly about our mistakes. As a child, my mother spoke spanish, my father english. Now i was introduced Urdu, Arabic, and was expected to learn whole texts and prayers in minutes.
It was always like that, yell, hit, kissing cheeks. Sometimes he would break things in between. 
When i turned 17, my father had left for the first time in years to his homeland in Pakistan. He was gone for 3 months and during that time my brother, mother, and I sat almost every night planning how we could disapear because no matter what we did or how we did it, he’d always find us. 
My mother had gotten surgery while my dad was away, we spent a long time with her in the hospital. We had days were we wouldnt eat, sleep, or do anything other than sit. But we were happy.
One time, before he left,  He cut my mother with a knife ,In my room while I saw him stab her. I didnt want that to ever happen again. Another time, my father was mad my mom brought up him bringing a nehibor lady into the house while we were in school and she was working, but somehow he flipped it into “Jelousy” because there is no other reason why a wife would say something about it...He was so mad he beat my mother after her chemo. For weeks she couldnt move, she was in my room with the lights off and bearly eating because he wouldnt let us take her any food. But we could hear her moan in pain. Another time, he beat my brother into the street, the whole neiborhood came out to see. He dragged my brother into the stone floors and picked up a rock about my brothers head size. I swore I saw him die. I was pulled into a house by a lady and her daughters tried to calm me down as I couldnt breath. I prayed he was alive. 
A few hours passed and my father was looking for me, he knocked on every door. I sneaked out and returned home. 
So, the point to this is the following. When my dad returned from Pakistan, i closed the doors and made no sound. He couldnt come in. He would just leave after a while. He knew we were inside. I felt my breath becoming loud. He could hear. He left. 
For the next few days he would come and talk to my mom, who said “the kids don’t want you in” followed my “I brought gifts”. My mother who was still walking with a cane, felt pitty for her husband, who had been sleeping in a motel for days. So, she let him in “for a few hours”. Feeling the room shrink i sent a help messege to a cousin of mine whom told her mom. In a matter of minutes a car popped infront of the house with three aunts and one cousin, they demanded I go with them. 
Without looking at my brother, I saved myself. For two months I lived with my aunt and her 4 kids. I cleaned and she would tip me in order to help me pay for psychiatic help (she also paid it).  One day my mom showed up and told me she would do anything for me to return, i never asked how bad things were in those two months for them. I made a list asking her to go to therapy with me, for him to not look at me or say a word. I went back. He was calm a whole year, not one word was said to me. I didnt leave my room and I swear my skin went from olive to pale yellow skin for the time I spent in there. 
So today, he said “I noticed since you left me when you were young”...”Because a normal person wouldnt do that”. 
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yejixan · 3 years ago
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[ CHAN LEE, HE/THEY, NONBINARY ]  —  [ YE-JIN AN ]  is a child of  [ ZEUS ]  with the power of  [ ELECTROKINSES ] .  they were born in  [ 1997 ]  and have been in nemean lion since  [ 2009 ] .  with the change, they  [ GRADUATED FROM ]  the  [ BUSINESS ]  role which makes sense since they’re usually  [ IN THE SQUARE OR WORKING ON THEIR THIRD CUP OF COFFEE OF THE DAY ] .  if you’d like to meet them try the  [ SUN ]  building . 
putting on my clown makeup bc alphonsine was supposed to be my last muse,,,, im the biggest fool around i fear
name: ye-jin an
age: 24
pronouns: he/they
birthday: june 4th
track/job: business & the rec’s lead
sexuality: queer
ethnicity: korean
He’s the product of two selfish and irresponsible individuals, Zeus and An Hyeri. They met on a random night, both with wild and unpredictable nature. One thing led to another and he was born, no tears, just a look of annoyance. Because he had to be brought into a world where he shared the blood with two careless individuals.
He never learned of his father ( better yet, sperm donor ) since his mother didn’t know him. Not like she cared, she was such a flimsy and go with the wind type of woman that it angered Ye-Jin. Constantly coming home late, always drinking, always sleeping, such a messy person, God why him. It was like Hyeri was the child and Ye-Jin was the parent. Her complete opposite, Ye-Jin was strong willed, upfront, mature, and independent. Even as a child he caught the eye of many adults who complimented him for his maturity, saying how they wished their own children were like him. He never liked those compliments because it wasn’t like he was like this on purpose, he had to be. He much rather be outside playing with the other boys his age, he just couldn’t.
Despite his annoyance about his mother and her childish personality, he did love her and couldn’t just leave her. She was a terrible mother but she was still a good person. Her cooking was horrid but it was thought that came with it. She was never around when he got out of school but she always made sure to buy his favorite ice cream every Friday. They couldn’t always hang out but she made an effort to show up for all school events. And whenever the two were spotted in public together, everyone always believed they were more like siblings than a mother and son. Ye-Jin also felt the same way. “Ye-Jin,” she would slur his name after a night of drinking. “You’re a good kid. Mom wouldn’t know what she would do without you.”
Hyeri needed him and in a way he also needed her.
However, their relationship soon collapsed as he turned twelve. Hyeri took the next few days off to go on a camping trip with Ye-Jin. He always wanted to go on one when he was younger but never could because his mother was always working. Until that week where she promised to dedicate all of her time to him. Things were going great, the two were having fun, they were smiling and acting like a normal family. He was at his happiest moment until it transformed into one of his most tragic ones. It was a monster that showed up and attacked the two. Luckily heroes arrived to save them but only when it was too late. Hyeri had been badly injured and Ye-Jin lost his right leg.
After taking the two to the hospital, the heroes told him that he was a demigod just like them, that was why he was attacked. He figured that he was something different after an incident a month ago occurred. Where he learned of his ability on a simple accident from messing around at home with the light board. He never told Hyeri of it because he didn’t want to worry or scare her, unfortunately, he ended up doing just that. When his mother awakened and was told of this new information, she looked at her child with pure horror and fear. As if he was the monster that attacked her. He couldn’t even stay in the same room as her without her shaking uncontrollably or screaming for him to leave. An Hyeri no longer needed him but he needed her more than ever.
The heroes brought up Nemean Lion as a safe haven for him, he’ll receive protection and be surrounded by fellow demigods. He accepted it right away, only to protect his mother from any more monsters. Unfortunately he had to wait a few weeks before boarding a plane to America, a foreign place where he didn’t know the language at all. All he had were the heroes who rescued him and the Greek language that came to him naturally.
Not only that, he had to continue with his rehabilitation in America. He felt even more distant and alone throughout this process, the one parent he used to rely on no longer wanted him. Then there was his father Zeus, the bastard who cursed him. Ye-Jin believed that if it wasn’t for the God’s selfish and reckless nature, none of this would’ve happened. His mother wouldn’t be in the hospital, she would be fine and healthy. As for Ye-Jin? He wouldn’t have been born and he was okay with that. He had given up on life, there was no need for him to continue living anymore. Only one other demigod gave him the hope to keep on going, the reminder that he was needed and that Hyeri will always love him. That soon enough, others will need and love him as well.
That was all a traumatized twelve year old needed to hear before getting his life together.
Once reserved and unable to speak, Ye-Jin snapped back to his usual straightforward and organized self. He made friends, learned how to control his ability, more about the Gods, the monsters, and how to coexist without his right leg. A temporary prosthetic leg was given to him, just to see if he’ll be fine with it. At first, he didn’t wear it unless told to, he kept to the wheelchair given to him. But as the months went on, he was seen using it more before deciding on getting a permanent prosthetic leg.
Ye-Jin never left NL, he had nowhere to go and he really didn’t want to leave. He stayed there and helped out, spending his years as an RA before aiming even higher by running the rec. Some of the money he gets, he would send it to Hyeri. He hasn’t talked to her since, the last he heard of her was that she was staying with his grandparents. An urge to pick up a phone and call her was always there but never enough to actually go through with it. He’ll be fine just sending her money and keeping his distance from her.
wanted connections : : 
the heroes that saved him (1/2) : : ye-jin is very much in debt of these two! they protected not only him but also his mother, so he owes them his life. in his eyes, the can do no wrong. like ever. 
the demigod who gave him the will to live : : now he holds this individual on a high pedestal because when he was at his lowest, they were there for him. literally has their back no matter what
best friend / a trio : : everyone needs a best friend or two, which includes ye-jin. i just want a group who he goes to whenever he’s feeling down or exhausted because of work 
demigods who are on his shit list : : he’s a perfectionist who needs everything to be in the right order, that includes everything that happens in the rec. and knowing the crazy demigods we all have, i’m sure one of them has pissed him off a few times. so he literally has their on his shit list ( it’s in his room! )
hookups : : ye-jin gets around during his freetime, he deserves it tbh 
literally ANYTHING! i’m down for whatever folks
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thetomorrowshow · 4 years ago
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a jig in plaited time
Happy holidays, @under-the-blue-moonlight ! I really enjoyed writing up some intrulogical content for you (and this may actually get additional chapters lol, I’m really happy with it).
Here is your @sanderssidesgiftxchange gift!
ships: Intrulogical, background Royality
cw: anxiety, intrusive thoughts, panic attack, mannequins, mentions of food
~
Why was Remus at the mall?
That was a simple question, with a just as simple answer. He was at the mall for a suit and tie, one he needed for his brother's wedding. It needed to be “salmon” or whatever, with a blue tie.
A much less simple answer was to the next question.
Why was Remus at the mall on Black Friday?
In all honesty, Remus hadn't known about Black Friday until he arrived. He hadn't really had a good feeling about it on the way here, but he'd paid no mind to his instincts. He didn't often have a good feeling about anything. There had been far too many cars for this time of morning on a weekday. What had really tipped him off, though, was the huge sign in the window of Nordstrom's.
'BLACK FRIDAY SALE!'
Even at that point he wasn't entirely sure what that meant. It became far more clear when he entered the building to find it absolutely packed. Well, there could be an upside to this. Maybe there would be a sale on the suit he needed.
Remus hadn't been this close to someone since he was in the womb, and he could not say that he was very comfortable with it. Remus didn't care much for close spaces and touching people, he hadn't since middle school. It just made him feel sort of icky.
As soon as possible, he ducked out of Nordstrom's, only to find that the rest of the mall was in a similar condition. JC Penney actually looked worse. Normally when Remus was feeling overwhelmed, he'd sidle into Hot Topic or somewhere else with obnoxiously loud music. By drowning his feelings in the noise, he generally was able to recollect himself. The mall was certainly loud, but not in a good way at all. Even if he tried to find someplace with music, he wouldn't be able to enjoy it with all these people.
Remus was stressed. But he needed this suit, seeing as his brother's wedding was literally tomorrow. Why did he leave it this late? Well, Remus knew he was nothing if not a master procrastinator. He also knew he couldn’t be the only one.
Remus waded his way through the crowd to a relatively people-free corner and wiggled his phone out of the pockets of his definitely too-small jeans (not that he'd admit they were too small out loud—his brother had told him they were on every occasion he wore them) and texted the wedding group chat.
Remus: hey im at the mall. anything yall need?
Robro: Why are you at the mall on black friday?
Patty-Cake: ooh can you get me a pair of sunglasses? Mine broke last week
Remus: sure. stuff for wedding?
Robro: idk. Let me ask mom
Remus shoved his phone back in his pocket, then extracted it again as it buzzed a moment later.
Robro: Yeah mom says get some classy decor or something
Ant: I don't think remus knows what classy means
Remus: shut up i got this
Toby: wait what's going on? It's like 10am why are you all awake
Robro: idk if you knew this tobes but I'm getting married tomorrow
Toby: shut up man
Ant: even Remy knows
Sleep: even i know loser
Remus: toby do u need help
Toby: I hate it heeere
Patty-Cake: Aw Toby that isn't very nice! And good morning everyone!
Robro: hello sunshine!! <3
Sleep: i need you both to not start that
Remus: get a room dorks
Okay, classy decor. Sunglasses for the groom. Pink suit. Blue tie. Probably some dress shoes. A wedding present. Dress socks too. Did Remus need to have a tie pin? He'd ask later. Napkins, definitely. No one ever had enough napkins at events. Did he need to have a pocket handkerchief?
Remus checked the list of what his suit needed that Roman had sent him a month or two ago. Yes, a blue pocket square. This was a lot.
Remus swallowed back his sudden panic and took a few deep breaths, jamming his still-buzzing phone back into his pocket. He could do this. Sunglasses first, there was a Sunglasses Hut within eyesight. All he had to do was fight through the crowd.
He reached the kiosk with few incidents and surveyed the sleek glasses for five minutes before seeing a pair that were shaped like a cartoon frog. Patton would love those. And if he didn't, then Remus just got a neat pair of sunglasses! He purchased the glasses and moved on to the next place to conquer.
-
By the time Remus was back at Nordstrom's, he was completely out of energy. Nordstrom's had two levels, and so much stuff, and so many people. He still had to get the suit and socks, and the wedding present. Maybe it seemed like he hadn't done much, but he had actually done a lot, considering how busy the mall was. He'd barely escaped a fistfight outside of the electronics store. The fact that he'd been able to get shoes and so-called 'classy decor' and napkins? Remus was pretty proud, all things considered.
Nordstrom's was even busier than when he left, which was certainly distressing. Remus couldn't even see any clothes. Was that a mannequin or a really tall lady? Was that the escalator, or a bunch of people climbing on top of each other?
What if I set off a bomb right here? Would the whole tower fall down, the ones on top not actually hurt until they hit the ground?
Remus shook off the intrusive thought. This was getting bad. It was already almost one—that meant that not only was he stressed, but he was getting hungry. His thoughts would continue to devolve until he got out of here and got some food.
I could eat that man! That would certainly clear the place out, and I'm sure he's delicious!
Remus groaned. He needed to sit down, but there were no seats free anywhere. He hefted his bags higher on his shoulders and forged on. He had to get this suit, or else the wedding would be ruined. The man in question (who was fairly attractive) bumped him, and Remus had to close his eyes to fight his brain. This was getting out of hand.
There was a little square cut out in the wall where a headless mannequin stood, no doubt showing off the latest in boys' fashion. Remus ducked between its legs and pushed his back up against the wall, knees drawn up close to his chest. He pulled out his phone with some difficulty.
Remus: hey so ro does my suit need a tie pin
Robro: Don't worry abt it, mom got matching tie pins for everyone
Sleep: ree babes are you buying ur suit now?
Remus: shut up
Sleep: on black friday?
Remus: no
Ant: did you even know it was black friday
Remus: ...
Toby: wait the wedding is tmrrw
Robro: Believe me tobias I'm aware
Remus: yah ik im not buying the whole suit just shoes
Robro: Good I almost had a heart attack, you almost certainly wouldn't be able to find one
Now truly panicking, Remus dropped his phone onto his stomach and buried his fists in his hair. How was he supposed to find a salmon suit and a blue tie, as well as nice socks? Plus a wedding present? Especially in this crowd, when he had no clue where to even look for a suit. And he still had to go to the party tonight, then the wedding tomorrow, and it was so loud. Everyone was yelling over each other, and Remus couldn't even hear his own thoughts—except the bad ones. Why did he have to put this off so long? He needed out, he wasn't going to be able to get any of the stuff, he was going to ruin the wedding, like he ruined everything—
“Hello, may I help you?”
Remus looked up—at least, as up as he could look, with a mannequin just above him—to see a bespectacled store clerk looking down at him. 'Logan', his nametag read.
Remus opened his mouth, then closed it again before a string of curses could come out. He really wasn't doing well. There was just too much, too much everything.
“Is there anything I can help you find?” Logan asked, his voice rumbling a bit—or maybe it was the thunder of people in the shop. Whatever it was, it made Remus's stomach drop a little.
“Um, uh, pink!” If Remus had any shame, he would have slapped his own face. As it was, he started trying to pantomime a suit while stuck in a tiny hollow in the wall. Logan watched kindly, his face not betraying the disgust he was probably feeling.
“Pink what? Shirt?” Logan guessed. Remus shook his head, running his hands down his legs. Pants too, pants too.
“Pink . . . coat? Shorts? Pants?”
Remus traced back over his arms, almost crying. Here he was, bothering this poor clerk with his stupid non-verbal self.
“A pink suit?”
Remus jumped for joy, hitting his head on the crotch of the mannequin, instantly shuddering at the thoughts that flooded into his head. Logan held out a hand, and Remus took it, allowing himself to be pulled out of the wall.
“I can direct you to the suit section, right this way.”
Remus let himself be led by Logan, who occasionally looked back to make sure he was still there. The man had a curly mop of dark hair, and was slightly shorter than he was—not that it was a problem. Or anything important. Remus wasn't looking for a date. He was inconveniencing a store clerk on Black Friday. Although, he did need a plus one for the wedding. . . .
No, it was out of the question. He didn't even know this man. Roman would be upset if he ruined the wedding even more by showing up with some rando who would probably jump in the wedding cake or spill food all over the nice tablecloths or turn out to be really ugly because he was just wearing a mask made of someone else's face.
“Here is where the suits are. Do you need anything else?”
Remus stared at him, his mouth opening and shutting a few times. He wanted to say something stupid, like yeah, I need those eyes in my life, or something far more obscene, but he was okay. He could do this. He could survive peopling.
Logan gave him a sympathetic smile. “I can help you find the right suit, if that's what you require.”
Before he could stop himself, Remus was nodding. He let Logan pull him past a crying couple and two arguing families to a rack of suit coats that were red.
“Will these suffice?” the clerk asked, gesturing at them. Remus frowned. They weren't pink. Was the man messing with him? Seeing his look, Logan checked the tag and groaned. “Apologies, I'm colorblind. I could have sworn these were pink. Hopefully the last customer who I pointed this way was not upset.”
That was a joke, right? Remus almost laughed, but knew if he did he would start crying. Logan led him through the crowd with seemingly unending patience, occasionally smiling gently at him. Remus felt his heartrate spike every time one of those smiles was sent his way, but for a reason completely unrelated to the overpowering noise and crowd.
Logan found him a probably very nice pink suit—Remus wasn't really looking at it. Then Logan was kind enough to let him into an employee restroom to try it on, seeing as the dressing rooms had a line that ran all the way to the front doors. It fit nicely, tight (though not as tight as his jeans) and sleek, accompanied with a blue tie that Logan had found while he was changing.
“That looks very sharp on you, sir,” Logan informed him, as Remus blushed.
“Remus,” he blurted out. Logan raised his eyebrows.
“After the character in Roman mythology?” asked Logan, his tone betraying something like excitement. Remus nodded, then looked down at the tie.
“We—didn't look at—at ties yet,” he stammered, trying to make his voice work. “Where—?”
“Ah, it happens to be one of mine,” Logan said. For the first time, he looked a little uncomfortable. “I keep one in my locker for emergencies, and I thought it would look nice on—it would look nice. With the suit.”
Remus finally found the courage to smile back. “Thanks, Specs. Uh, sorry for taking up so much of your time. I'll just buy this, it's dope.”
“Oh no, I do not at all mind assisting you,” Logan said quickly. “At least I don't have to deal with . . . whatever is going on.”
“You could assist me by being my date!”
Logan stared.
Remus clapped a hand over his mouth.
“. . . What?”
“Nothing, nothing nothing,” said Remus. “I just—um—you need to get your tie back right? And I—if you let me, of course—I could just wear it, save money and all that, and you could come and then take it home so that I don't steal it or whatever?” He scrunched his eyes up, turning away so as to catch no sight of Logan rejecting him. Why did he have to say that? The noise pressed down on him again; despite still being in the staff restroom, it was almost too loud to bear.
“Wear it . . . where?”
Remus would already be curled up on the floor were it not for the very un-purchased suit he was currently wearing. “Um, my brother's wedding tomorrow?” he chanced, hands clenched over his eyes.
The utter disbelief in Logan's voice was clear as a bell. “You are buying a suit . . . for a wedding . . . that is tomorrow. On Black Friday, of all days.”
Tears choked Remus's throat. “Y-yeah, I'm really bad at planning.” Why was he even asking this cute clerk out anyway? Just because Roman kept teasing him for not having a date to the wedding? Or did he actually have a crush on Logan?
He searched his feelings briefly, and found almost instantly that he for sure had a crush. Okay, that was a lot to deal with right now. They had just met! It was just . . . the way he smiled at him, the way he didn't abandon him even though he'd been having a panic attack for about an hour at this point, how gentle and kind he was. Not to mention how put-together he was. And his hair? That was just hot.
Now though, just seconds after realizing he liked Logan, the guy was going to reject him because he had run his stupid mouth. Remus cringed. The silence had gone on for far too long.
“Well, I expect you to pick me up an hour before the event begins. I do not currently have my own means of transportation. You are quite fortunate that I do not work tomorrow.”
Wait.
What?
“You—you really—?” Remus's voice broke. He jumped as Logan lay a warm hand over his own, which were still pressed into his eyes.
“Of course,” Logan said kindly. “I know very little about you, but I rather feel that—and no offense meant—you will be distressed at such a large event as a wedding. I would love to continue to assist you.” He coughed, then added, “Also, the streak in your hair is very attractive.”
Remus almost sighed in relief. This was okay. He let Logan pull his hands away from his face, then ran a sleeve over his eyes and nose. Logan froze.
“Well, now you have to buy that suit,” Logan said. As an aside, he muttered, “At least it looks good on you.”
“Aw, Lo, you think I look hot?” Remus asked shakily, managing a smile. “What about my jeans? Think I look good in tight clothes?”
Logan turned away, unfortunately letting go of Remus's hands, the tips of his ears turning pink. “Are you always this insufferable?”
Remus slung an arm around his shoulder. “Yep! And you're stuck with me for a whole date!”
Logan pushed his glasses up his nose. “If it doesn't work out, we can just pretend we never met, if you like. We will both move on with our lives. There is no obligation that comes with this date, we are both free to back out at any time.”
Remus quickly retracted his arm from Logan's shoulder, then nodded. That made sense. He did like Logan, and he didn't want to upset him. Shameless flirting was definitely on the table, though.
“When's your lunch break?” Remus asked, as casually as possible. Logan snorted.
“I only have a twenty minute lunch today, they don't want me to leave them without as much help as possible.” Logan went to open the door and exit the restroom, then glanced back. “One o'clock. I plan on getting a sandwich at the Subway in the hall outside of the store. It would be wonderful if someone would wait in line for me and order me an Italian BMT and a bag of potato chips, so that I am not late in returning.”
Remus grinned. Easy-peasy, and just like that he would get to spend some time with Logan before the wedding.
Logan made to leave, but Remus grabbed his arm. “One sec, hot stuff,” he said, butterflies racing through his stomach at Logan's blush, “not to bother you any more or anything, but do you have any suggestions for a wedding present?”
The utter disbelief on Logan's face completely wiped out any blush that had been there. “The wedding is tomorrow, Remus.”
Remus's breath caught. Logan said his name. It sounded so beautiful coming from him. If a heavenly chorus had been singing around him at that moment, it would have been dull compared to Logan saying his name.
Logan sighed. “Of course I have some ideas. Do you need anything else?”
Remus pulled himself together, then grabbed his phone from the pile of his clothes on the floor. He checked the list, ignoring the notifications from the group chat.
“Uh, yeah. A pocket square to match the tie, and some nice socks.”
“That's doable. Tell me about your brother and his partner while we find those items. Perhaps you and I can put together an ideal gift.” Logan stepped out of the restroom to give Remus privacy while he changed back into his clothes. Remus shucked the suit off as quickly as possible. All the intense stimulation had blurred into the background, Logan being the only buzz he needed to keep going.
Remus didn't often have a good feeling about anything, but this? Oh yeah, there was definitely something good here.
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pbandjesse · 3 years ago
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It is very cold in our room right now. But it is okay. I will survive, somehow.
Today was a day for resting. I should have done some styling but I just. Didnt. I didn't even think about it until like 15 minutes ago. So when I finish this I may do a couple so I don't have such a large backlog. But Im not that worried.
I had a good day. I actually slept really well last night. Adding another blanket helped, and I slept with a heating pad. Which you are not supposed to do, but I did anyway. I woke up around 9. James laid in bed with me until 930. When I final got out of bed.
I got dressed but changed into what is in my picture. Which honestly was a better move because I was very cozy. My hair felt very dirty but I was still cute.
We would head out to go get IHOP for breakfast. But we ended up in a weird one that was a little all over the place confused. The food was fine. My fries were a little undercooked and my pancakes were not correct so the waitress had to put them in again and so I was done my eggs and fries by the time the correct pancakes came out. But it was fine. I enjoyed James's company. I felt a little out of it. I was having a nice time with James but I just didn't feel all the way there.
Someone hit a staff member's car and all of the waitstaff went into the parking lot to see. Which was very funny to everyone else in the busy restaurant. So our check to a while to get to us but that was okay.
We had made a list for groceries and for thanksgiving. Mom had picked up some stuff but we are going to make a few things ahead of time so we had a lot to buy.
I had fun walking around the grocery store. We got some snacks. Some things to eat this week. I got stuff for my psoriasis. And soon enough we were heading home with way to many (canvas) bags of groceries.
When we got home James put things away and I put some stuff in its home around the apartment. Soon though James would join me in the living room and we would work on our save the dates. We finished making them all up! And we are only missing 2 addresses. And they are ones I should be able to get easily because they are work friends.
Once we were done that I laid on the couch while James worked on the lego dino. I would help a little but it is their gift so I want them to do most of it. They are actually on the floor next to me right now making the last parts. It looks very cool.
James would go to their parent's place to drop off some stuff. The pie dish from their birthday. A cake box. The table we have been using for the market. And while they were gone I played animal crossing. Mostly swimming and catching things. I was trying to make a bunch of money. Which I did. like 350,000 bells (the in game currency). And then James was home.
They made us pasta for dinner. I played with sweetP. I decorated a room on AC. We had excellent pasta. And I watched videos on my phone until the battery died.
I made tea for the week. Was annoyed that James had used my french press instead of their own, so I had to use theirs. Which does not work as well for the way I make my tea. I think it worked still, it will just be a little weak.
I took a bath. Washed my hair. I painted my toes. And now I am in bed. I am going to try to style a few people. Because I have a feeling tomorrow is going to take it out of me. I have a full day of programing at camp again. I am looking forward to being outside but still. It will be a long day.
Take care of yourselves! Goodnight everyone!
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mulletcal · 5 years ago
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words with friends - ashton irwin blurb.
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a/n: okay so i got this dumb idea when i saw lau ( @sexgodashton​ )’s tags on this post pls forgive me 
word count: ~1.8k
warnings: none
****
At first, Ashton thought that the lockdown with his 14-year-old niece wouldn’t be so bad - he’d have someone to talk to, crack jokes with, and binge Netflix with.  But about a week into them being told they couldn’t leave the house at all is when things started to get a little rocky.
“Uncle Ash, your WiFi is the absolute worst.  This is the 10th time it’s buffered for this episode of Peaky Blinders.  It’s too much,” she sighed, pausing the TV so that she could turn to him, “You need to look into getting a better service provider.”
Ashton frowned, glancing up from the game he had just lost on his phone, “Is that why I just lost this game of Words with Friends against Calum?”
“Probably! You both have terrible WiFi - so it was one of you,” On her screen, Ashton could see her looking up potential service providers that could be newly set up without them having to enter your home.
“I think it’s his, I’d put my money on it.  My internet’s been fine all this time,” Ashton typed up a message to Calum that said ‘bro your wifi is shit get it fixed’. 
“Fine, or were you just never home long enough for it to become a problem?” 
“Wow, hard hitting facts for a 14 year old.” Ashton’s phone pinged, a simple middle finger emoji as a response from Calum.
“Look, I found one that has contactless set up, and their reviews are great.  Just think about it - you don’t know how long this is going to last, and you don’t want to be in the middle of kicking Calum’s ass--”
“Language!” He laughed, placing a hand to his forehead, “Alright, alright. I hear you.  Send me the number so I can contact them about it.”
Within a few hours, everything had been arranged - Ashton realized he had a weird sense of attachment to his internet service provider, feeling guilty that he was cancelling on them, especially during a hard time like this.  Some reassurance from his niece helped though, and he accepted that his life would likely be better if when he was home he could watch a movie straight through without needing to pause it, go make a snack or two, and come back to see if it had loaded enough.
The next day, the new router arrived on his doorstep, and the man who delivered it was outside in his van, phone at the ready so he could walk Ashton through the setup.  Overall it was easier than expected, everything ready to go in less than an hour - he had expected some type of all day event; but much to his delight he was back settled into his couch, underneath a cozy blanket as he opened Words with Friends once again.
He was eager to be able to call his friend out on his poor WiFi, now knowing (hoping) that it would go rather seamlessly.  Unfortunately though, Calum was busy at the moment, so Ashton was left to select playing against a stranger the game suggested was his match of the day.  It wasn’t often he did that, trying to keep it to just the people he knew - but just this once couldn’t hurt.  What did hurt was the fact that this person was absolutely kicking his ass, making his jaw drop with every word they made.
At the end of their game, Ashton frowned when he realized he lost by almost 100 points - how was that even possible? His phone notified that this person wanted to go again, and he wondered for a moment if they wanted to face him again because he seemed like an easy person to win against.  His competitive side came out tenfold for this round though, trying his best to think of words that would give him the most bang for his buck, as it were.  He almost had them, a few points ahead - but then they put down a word that completely obliterated him.
Ashton almost threw his phone, he did, not used to losing so easily against someone.  He liked to think of himself as a wordsmith, he was a songwriter after all, he should be able to be better at this. Tapping the ‘chat’ option, his fingers hesitated over the keys before typing out ‘HOW?’.  Aggressive? Maybe, but he needed to know what their secret was.
Their reply was quick, a casual ‘😇’ and somehow that frustrated Ashton more.  Maybe he needed to go for a walk.  There was no reason why he should be such a sore loser about a game, maybe being on lockdown was driving him slowly stir crazy. His phone buzzes with another notification and the person asked ‘Another round, or are you too scared to lose again?’.  Oh, now it was on.
A couple hours, and many rounds later with some occasional banter back and forth between the two of them, Ashton finally needed to stop - his eyes felt like they had gone dry from staring at his phone for hours on end.  His niece came into the living room, her head cocking to the side.
“You’re in the same position that you were when I last came down here - have you finally turned into a couch potato? Should I call mom that I’m gonna have to start using you as our produce?” she asked, a grin on her lips.  His niece was a mirror image of his sister, and it made him frown - missing her more and more every day. “Why is your face so red? You feeling okay?”
Ashton hadn’t even realized that his face was warm - was he getting sick? Or was it the witty banter back and forth with the person from the game that had gotten to him? He hoped it was the latter, he’d feel incredibly guilty if his niece was stuck in his house with him while he was fighting what was likely the common cold, but the times were uncertain.
“D’know, doesn’t matter.  What do you want for dinner?” He asked, brushing off her questions as he followed her into the kitchen.
***
Days later, Ashton had kept up the banter with this stranger.  Their conversations were more frequent, and their games less so.  It was kind of nice to talk to someone new, someone who didn’t already know what to expect from him, or things to say.  His stranger friend seemed off today, and it made him frown slightly, thinking that maybe they were growing tired of talking to him.
‘Your wittiness is off today, friend, you doing alright?’ He typed out, pausing for a second before he pressed send - was it weird to ask that of someone? 
It wasn’t long before his phone lit up with a response, ‘Sorry, just tired. My neighbour likes to stay up until ungodly hours playing music, or drums.  Sometimes both at the same time.’
Ashton was mid-yawn as he read the words, a small laugh falling from his lips as he recalled his night; staying up until 3 am in his studio playing drums.  ‘Wow. Sounds like me and your neighbour could be buds, you should put in a good word for me.’
‘Would if I knew them, I moved in not long before all of this started.  Didn’t get a chance to be the weird neighbour that pops by with cookies.’ 
Ashton bit his tongue at that, a grin tugging at the corners of his lips, ‘Do it anyways, be even weirder and leave them on the doorstep, give em a scare and a treat.’
‘Should I leave a nice note saying ‘please keep any and all banging prior to midnight’?’
‘I’d leave out the banging part, but that sounds like an amusing idea.’
Ashton left their conversation at that, figuring he could continue with his day.  Not that his day would consist of much, just attempting to write songs, and test out new recipes with his niece that she always ultimately hated, but it was worth a try.  She decided they should go for a walk around their neighbourhood in the afternoon, and after some contemplation he agreed.  He never ended up going for a walk the other day like he had meant to.
The sun was warm on their skin as they walked, and his nose picked up the faint smell of apples, making him smile.  He thought of his Words with Friends friend, hoping their baking was going well too if they had decided to bake a treat for their new neighbour. 
Ashton hadn’t realized how long he and his niece had been gone until his phone buzzed with a new notification from his RING app, alerting of someone at the door as well as making him aware of the time.  Wasn’t uncommon, he was waiting on a couple packages - but when he opened the app, he saw someone set something down on his doorstep before walking away.  They didn’t appear to be dressed in any type of mail carrier uniform, and Ashton grew a bit distressed by the idea of a foreign item being left on his doorstep.
In an attempt not to worry his niece, he didn’t voice his concerns, instead voicing they should head back.  It wasn’t much of a ways away, them already on their way back - but when they arrived Ashton saw a small red tupperware container sitting there with a note on top.
“What’s that?” His niece asked, leaning down to pick up the note - a smirk spread across her lips, eyes flickering towards Ashton, “Seems like your neighbour doesn’t appreciate your late night drum covers,” she spoke, handing him the note.
Reading over the note, Ashton made the connection almost instantly, his heart racing.  
“What’s wrong? You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.”
“That person that’s been annihilating me in Words with Friends, apparently they are our neighbour.  We were talking earlier and they mentioned making cookies for their neighbour since they’d just moved to the area.”
His niece nodded, a knowing smile on her lips, “Seems like you guys talk about more than just what is basically Scrabble.”
Swatting at her arm gently, he shooed her inside, picking up the container and opening it - he realized then that the smell of apples that had invaded his senses earlier was them, and it made his heart warm at the thought they were so close.
Taking out his phone, he snapped a quick picture of the container to send to them, simply adding a ‘Thanks for the cookies, I’ll try and keep it down.’ Below it before tucking his phone into his pocket to enjoy one of the cookies they had made.
That’s one way to socially distance meet new people, he supposed.
tag list: @haikucal​ @talkfastromance4​ @softbabiestan​ @boyfriend-cal​ @calum-uncrowned​ @wildflowerirwin​ @irwindoll​ @gosh-im-short​ @atlcalm​ @thesubtweeter​ @heavenisapeach​ @ridingcthood​ @loveroflrh​ @wokeupinjapanisabop​ @mantlereid​ @inlovehoodx​
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anestheticrage · 4 years ago
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Be me: Japanese honor student🎓, 15, with half a brain and even less of a plan. Hunting bitches by day and witches by night. Livin that dank only child✌️ life while mom n dad yeet all over the globe, leavin me plenty of time to forget not to make 2 lunches for myself #quirky 😜
no time for socialization or basic electronics skills ???📱??? when your best friends are an alien demon rabbit🐰👽 and the inexplicable Hole ™ in your brain. lmao, btw did i mention im ✨M✨A✨G✨I✨C✨A✨L✨
dreamin bout my 2D waifus again when familiar pink haired cancer patient dances through my brain passin out fliers: Kamihama Meguca Dating Service: Sponsored by Cult of the Magius. 250 stones per session 🤔
seems legit, Mr. Moneybags. wasn't spending my unwieldy sack of gemstones on anything else anyway. lets pull 💎💎💎
first up we have Redhead Radagast and her plethora of plants. 🌿☺️🦎
anndd, nearly dies immediately. 
well not off to a great start but i guess shes pretty cute at lea- oh FUCK its her girlfriend, Tsundere Poseidon😒🔱💦, and their exasperated, straight and single Sword Mom 😔🗡️🔥. fml gonna have to save up for the next pull. might as well play a few rounds with what i got tho. 
get in some good girl talk about things like school, color coded hair styles, body count, permanent soul damage, and our personal demon pacts. ya know, the usual 😚 . realize my dark backstory seems to be missing, so the girls take me to Ketchup Queen Sappho 🍅🥧 (wtf?) to molest my glowy egg stone. whatevs, more action than ive had since Kuroe 🖤 got added to the story anyway
the gang agrees it's time to hunt down the cutest rabbit pimp 🕶️🐇💵 in the city. >> say 🎵mukyuuu🎵 one more time and ill hug you so hard my backstory will pop right out, you adorable fluffy bastard. plz be my new best friend 💕
Form brand new friendship pact with Kyubae, and remember that my lil Sis 🐥 was always the best wingman for pickin up magic chicks, and kept her side of the room so spotless i forgot she existed. whoops 乁༼☯‿☯✿༽ㄏ Maybe if I find her i can stop paying these exorbitant pull fees.📵💎
speaking of which: hot damn this week's featured bachelorette is a 19 year old model and magical detective🔎 with massive levels of PTSD and self loathing 🥵💙💦 more likely to stab you or dramatically jump off a rooftoop than utter a single positive comment. wow, maybe i really COULD find true love…
... if i had MORE THAN A 1% FUCKING DRAW CHANCE. 😡 smh
hard to make much progress finding sis or winning the broken heart of a hard boiled detective amidst the never ending lover's quarrel of the Trident Vine Lesbians. 💔 Sword Mom tells them if they don't behave a monster will take them away. LOL classic mom 🤣
>>>HOLY FUCK IT DID
declare all-out war on urban legends, starting with staircases ⚔️ to reunite the dysfunctional trio, and hope that I net a way better lineup with the next 10x pull. at least sad sleuth lady came to help out. they say combat is the best way to bond wi-   and there she goes off the rooftop again 🙄 fml
alright that got way off track, we need a fresh start, away from all the loli drama. how bout a little B&E🔓🔨🤷🏻‍♀️ at the local house of worship to clear my head. ahh nothing like the unanswered prayers of the masses to get you in the mood for another wasted pull, and the 🔥 MIGHTIEST 🔥 headache you could ask for with a side of Double Cooked Pork 🐖🍜 (meh 5/10🧾)
venture forth into the spiritual unknown with your new human flamethrower🔥🌻🧡 and ask your favorite private eye to please, for the love of Eve, trade Meguca accounts with me~~~ Head through the eastern spirit portal to meet up with hologram propaganda sis and detective crush's evil ex, who joined a dating-app cult (#fuck) and also turned into the moon?🌕?(that's rough buddy)
get ambushed by Acid Horse on Wheels 🌈🐴 and vomit up my soul so hard that its time for a crossover episode. T U R F F F   W A R R R *que operatic harmonies* 💛 Blondie with the hair drills and enough attitude and guns to fill up a noble phantasm tries to ban my account permanently, but PI heartthrob denies her admin privileges. aww babe i didn't know you cared. 😭♥️
get kidnapped by my new true love and go back to her place 😏  defs enough empty rooms to house five emotionally traumatized girls and at least two ghosts hehehe👻 XD 💚🃏💜🎸 decide to form the anti-gossip brigade and recruit my blazing sunflower after getting ambushed by the witch living in my fruit loops🥣
❌outvoted 2:1 that cults are bad. mf. fiinneee one last pull to round out the team and then I'll delete the app. cmonnn Karin 🎃~
OH HELL YEAH TWO FOR ONE.
Always wanted a daughter 💜🔨🐄 with a penchant for pissing off the local Martial Arts & Books Club and drinking suspicious liquids offered by total strangers. Well if it's good enough for her AND the sexy mayadere with enough game to seduce a mermaid, might as well get in on that myself. 
#curseddrank 🤢 0/24 would not recommend to a friend, 'cept maybe Ria
win alot of cash 🤑, blow up a fountain, meet the pied piper²🎶🖕, moon cult, monochrome feathers, something about liberation✊🏻; adopt temper tantrum cow girl. aces 💜🥩
Next up!!! skydiving with DJ Hammer! Jump to apparently-not-certain death after suicidal A.I. 💚💾🗼 tells you to rescue her hostage before they run out of Radiohead albums and have to move on to Thom Yorke's solo discography. save the invisible shield kitten 💚👑😿 from happiness and get chased through the internet by the sexiest homicidal Paint Pallette 💚🎨😈 since Caravaggio. (apparently green is the color of the digital apocalypse. i’m deleting Kako from my friend's list)
that’s it, fuck this app. 250 stones 💎 per-life-threatening-experience is more than i’m willing to deal with 😓 don’t wanna mess with the perfect nuclear family anyway. we've already got: 
✔️the two emotionally traumatized moms with memory and commitment issues
✔️the adhd daughter with anger management problems and a giant hammer
✔️the psychologically abused scizophrenic cat
✔️and the eccentric aunt with crippling anxiety
#squadgoals
now that were done hoarding bitches, its time to hunt the witches. and the bitches makin the witches. btw did i mention the witches ARE the bitches! AND WERE ALL GOING TO DIE!? 📽️⁉️💀 wait fuck lets back up a second
This is Nemo📕 and Token🧪 and they have all the answers but prefer if you only ask vague questions in exchange for vague responses so they can fill in the rest by discussing their superior intellect 🧠 at length. not to mention they built that dating app, so of course everyone in my harem decides to be a FUCKING. TRAITOR.🤬
cept waifu prime ofc 🥰💙. [PTSD > brainwashing] 'yOu CaN bE tHe LeAdEr NoW'. i have been from the very beginning you traumatized Hinedere nightmare. maybe if you weren't so caught up collecting surrogate daughters you would've noticed IM👏THE👏ONLY👏 ONE👏PROGRESSING👏THE FUCKING👏PLOT✨
rescue the rest of dysfunctional found-family™ from selves before my adorable firebender burns down Disnihama🎡🔥😱 during her weekly anxiety attack. (love the makeover T B H) 
CHAPTER 8: Magical Girl Massacre🩸🗡️
   - everyone has like, the shittiest day ever
   - the new Pope really needs to be extradited from the church
   - make friends with a really pretty tree 🌺🌲✨
i swear, if i don't finish this god damn story in time to get that free pull im gonna beat the shit out of every mirror i find in that giant mansion that i haven't even had any time to even mention yet. 🖕🏚️ let alone EVERYTHING happening with the prequel [fuck you, I'm the star] girls 💗💜💙💛❤️️ and their multidimensional melodrama. We don't need that many repetitive af episodes to emphasize that Homo-ra is a shitty person. we've all seen Rebellion. 🙄
NO, I DONT CARE IF YOU WANT SAPPHO'S BACKSTORY, I ONLY HAVE 79 STONES LEFT AND IF YACHAN FINDS OUT I HAVEN'T DELETED THE APP YET IM GONNA HAVE TO GO SLEEP IN WITH SANA 😭💎💸😠
uhhhggggg where were we… Topple a cult and burn down Hotel Denoument only to realize that Sis was fused with the dating app servers this entire madokafuckin time (told ya she was the best wingman 😊). 
Dilemma: Sis =🥚, Triumvirate of Trouble want 🐣. What do? vote now:
Help Hatch - IIIIIII
Not Do That - IIIII
What The Actual Fuck Is Going On - IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Lets just fight everyone until something good happens.
🔥🔫🔥🗡️🔥😱🔥🌆🔥😱🔥🛡️🔥💣🔥
Kill (???) the artist-in-chief of the italian reindeer murder police after teaching her the true meaning of Christmas 🎄 hatch 🐣lil Sis and realize she WAS your wingman all along🐰 MUKYUUUU! we're just gonna ignore how much trouble it would have saved if you'd just mentioned that. "yOu DiDnT aSk..." 
FUCK YOU SPACE BITCH. ONCE AN INCUBATOR ALWAYS AN INCUBATOR 🖕🐇🔪
anywho, somewhere along the lines we of course summoned the Antichrist ⚙️ because why not raise the stakes to max and still not kill off a single character. Madofuckinkami, can we PLEASE wrap this up. 😩💤
feathers (not the culty kind, tfm) rain from the sky, and the power of friendship and not having the Urobutcher 🔪🩸as a lead writer saves our peacefully sectioned off alternate reality 😇
TL:DR fuck cults, real life waifus DO exist, don't sell your soul to space rabbits, or your stones to megacorporations. Enjoy arc 2 on the JP server with your shitty translation patch you filthy fuckin weebs 
Yours Truly, 
- Thirsty Weeb Eroha 💗💎😘 
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espinosaurusrexex · 5 years ago
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Hater
In which Y/N tries to convince herself that she does not have any feelings for Jeff and miserably fails.
warnings: cursing, a really bad apology (like damn I’m sorry im bad at conversing and it shows lmao)
a/n: For the really nice @ilsolee, who requested something from my Drabble List. Thank you for requesting this. I loved this concept and even played with the thought of breaking it into a series (I ended up not doing that but if you want me to next time, to make it a little longer or even more detailed, just tell me).
As always, I’m open to feedback :)
4. Right now, you’re just being really annyoing.
6. How come you’re still so stubborn, Sugar?
21. Can I kiss you?
word count: 3.8k
She hated him. She hated his dumb smirk and his overly attractive body. She hated the way he talked to her and how he didn't seem to care about people when he interacted with them. His cringy beard triggered her and the muscles on his body intimidated her. There was nothing on this man that could attract her to Jeff Wittek.
Well, those were the points. And Y/N wasn't going to change her mind about this awfully handsome man. At least she didn't want to and found herself relaxing every time she dug a little deeper to find more reasons, why she could hate him. As if him being an ex convict wasn't enough reason to keep a distance, Y/N was intrigued by slipping into his past to be a step ahead for every comment he spat her way. That way she could tell herself that, no matter what he would say to her, she knew something about him that nobody else did. And that gave her the feeling of superiority she seeked a little too often these days.
“What do you think about that, Y/N”, Jeff questioned and raised his eyebrows at her, who had yet to answer his question. There it was again: that stupid smirk. God, she wanted to smack it out of his face every time she saw it. And not the gentle way. The way that would leave a red mark in the form of her hand for several hours. Though it was really hard for her to resist that urge right now, she settled for a snarky comment instead.
“I think that right now, you're just being really annoying.” A low hush went through the room and Y/N noticed Jeff’s face scrunching up in a faked, pained one. He continued to place his hand above his heart before relieving a loud cry. 
“You're so mean! Oh god, I think I have to kill myself now.” The rest of their friends laughed, which made Y/N feel quite uncomfortable. 
“Bohoo, you gonna call your mom now?” Y/N scooched deeper into the cushions as she noticed how childish her behavior had been the whole day.
“Honestly, doll. If you want to upset me, you have to come up with some better roasts. That shit was weak. I feel like I’m arguing with a fifth grader.” Y/N groaned. Another thing she hated about Jeff: him calling her ‘doll’ in that dumb Jersey accent of his.
Sending a growl over to Jeff, Y/N stood up and headed towards the kitchen. She rummaged through the cabinets until she found something to snack her anger away on and proceeded to snatch a water bottle from the fridge. She sat on the counter of David’s kitchen and stared at the white tiles a little longer until she felt a hand on her shoulder and a whiff of strawberry entered the room. Carly. Honestly, Y/N didn't want to talk right now. Drowning her anger in food and tv shows seemed far more appealing to her than engaging in a discussion about her well being or a certain other person she didn't want to think about right now. She knew she had embarrassed herself. Not only today, but all the other times she would start to bicker with Jeff about the most random things.
“Hey Y/N/N…” Carly pushed herself up on the counter next to her and took a cookie from her friend's hand. She knew that Y/N didn't want to talk, but she also couldn't help but wonder what fed the deep hatred her best friend had for Jeff. A man, who had actually been pretty nice and funny to Carly during the time they had known each other. Sure, he wasn't the nicest to Y/N, but that was mainly, because her friend never had anything nice to say towards him, either. Carly would have reacted the same way, if somebody would greet her with such an attitude from day one on. She couldn't bring herself to ask Y/N, though. Knowing deep down that she probably had a good reason to behave the way she did.
A nudge ripped Y/N out of her trance. “Jeff is actually pretty nice, you know?” The platine blonde murmured while glancing back to the living room in which most of their friends gathered at the moment. Jeff shared a short glance with her before turning his attention back to the discussion that was going on. 
“Carly, I’m not magically going to love that guy just because you say he’s ‘pretty nice’.” Y/N chuckled in a mocking manner and turned her head towards her best friend. “I don't like him and that’s final. I find reasons to not like him every day and that is ok. I don't have to like everybody you're friends with. If you want to hang out with a former convict, then do it, but don't expect me to join you again.”
Carly sighed before hopping down from the counter to stand between Y/N’s legs. She looked into her eyes, trying to find a hint of sorrow in them, but nothing. Not even a little bit of dishonesty glimmered in her orbs. She let her head down, shaking it in the process.
“If you say so…” Carly went back to the common area and Y/N was left to sit alone again. She stared at the ceiling for a while and then at the walls. After a couple of minutes, that got pretty boring, so she just decided to leave. She didn’t need them to have fun. And she definitely didn't need to show them how bothered she was by her friends hanging out with people that didn't appreciate her.
It had been a week since her last encounter with Jeff and Y/N couldn't help but feel pretty good about avoiding any situations regarding him. She occupied herself with paperwork and her dog, Dax. Fully ignoring the fact that she felt a little lonely inside, she watched her friends’ Snapchat stories daily. The restaurant she was working at had not been that busy the last couple days, which lead to Y/N getting off early and left to spend even more time in her Apartment, alone, with Dax, of course.
Another week went by and to say the least, Y/N was bored. Her daily routines had consisted of eating, working, and sleeping. She had finished pretty much every series existent on Netflix and there was nothing else to do. She found herself sitting on her phone again. This time, almost envying the fun her friends had without her. But she couldn’t bring herself to text them. She needed to prove it to herself and them that she didn't care if they hung out with people she didn't want around. Mainly, she needed to convince herself, but that facade began to falter with every minute that went by.
A sudden knock on her door echoed through the room and Y/N got up quickly. Too excited that something was happening, she sprinted to the door and basically ripped it open. The handle rammed into the wall and left an evident hole, but Y/N didn’t care. 
“I’m done with your shit ass attitude!” Carly stormed into the apartment with heavy steps and came to a stop at the dining table. The confusion was clearly written over Y/N’s features as she watched her best friend stand in front of her with crossed arms. 
“What do you mean?”
Carly scoffed. An action she had perfected over the years she had known Y/N. “I will not stop hanging out with Jeff, just because you don't like him! Accept that for God’s sake!” Her chest was heaving and Y/N had not seen her friend this furious in a very long time.
The tension between them began to rise, but Y/N wouldn't break. “Well then you have a problem, because I will not ‘hang’ with the devil himsel-” But she was cut off by the blonde.
“Jeff. It’s Jeff! You know, you could actually say his name for once! He’s a human being just like everyone else. And it's not fair that you treat him like shit just because of his background. I didn't think that I was friends with a person that is so selfish and shallow that they would reject people based on the things that happened in the past. We all know what he did! And it's not like he is a killer or psychopath! Especially the people in our group of friends should be able to rely on each other and not be scared that there will be talking behind their back. Because you know what?! That’s exactly what happened with Trisha and now everyone hates her! Do you want that?! Then just say it because I need to know!” 
Her words were like a wake up call. One that hit deep in the gut and spread through the body in hives of pain until it reached the brain and it could actually register what had just been said. Y/N trained her eyes on the floor. If Carly put it that way, it did sound like Y/N had grown into a horrible person. A person, she most certainly didn't want to be. Not in her or anyone else’s eyes. It pained her to see, how wrecked her friend got by the thought of Y/N being like the person Carly had described seconds before.
“Y/N! Fuck! Say something! … God damn it, I need by best friend back and I need to know if she’s still here.”
With that, Y/N couldn't hold it anymore. A loud sob escaped her lungs and the tears followed soon after. 
“I’m so sorry, Carly.” , she sobbed as she tried to stop the tears from falling, “I’m so sorry, I’m a horrible person…”
Through blurry eyes Y/N could see her friend trying to prevent some tears from falling as well, but she kept quiet. Waiting for an explanation on her end. 
“I don’t hate him. I don't hate him for his past or his humor I don't hate him at all. God why is this so hard?!” Y/N kept wiping away the salty wetness on her cheeks and proceeded to talk. “I just thought that… if I told myself that I didn't like him, I would believe myself, eventually. I don't care if he went to jail or prison or whatever. I don't care at all… I just wanted to protect myself and I guess, I went a little too far…”
Silence. It was crushing and if silence had a sound in this second, it would have been something that would make your ears explode. Carly knew, what her best friend meant when she said ‘she wanted to protect herself’. It had been a secret between the two of them, but Y/N didn't exactly have the best relationships in the past. In fact, Y/N and her ex-boyfriends all ended on bad terms. And it had taken at least three month and about five pounds of ice cream or chocolate to make her leave the house again, every time. Y/N didn't seem like it, because of her sassy attitude, but she got attached too quickly and fell way too hard. Carly should have suspected it, seeing that Jeff checked pretty much all of the boxes Y/N’s ex’s did, too. She felt regret rushing through her for throwing those words at her, but she was fairly desperate herself, being without her best friend for over two weeks. They had both been too stubborn to text each other and now they saw what it did to them. They were both devastated and exhausted. It didn't do anyone any good if those two were not together at least once a day.
“You have to tell him.” Carly spoke after ten minutes of remaining silent.
This made Y/N snap her head up again. “I can’t! Not after everything, I have said to him!” Her eyes were wide in shock and she stepped closer to the blonde girl leaning on her table. “Besides, we both know that the last weeks were just foreshadowing of what would happen if Jeff and I would… “ She didn't speak any further, noticing that she had actually said his name out loud for the first time.
“Well, you have to at least say something to him! Apologize. Because whatever is happening right now, is just childish.” 
Carly was right. Y/N hated when her friend was right. And even though it was probably going to be more embarrassing than her fist time, she knew that she had to talk to Jeff.
Believing that nothing would change her mind about said man was probably a stupid thing to do. To say she was nervous to talk to somebody, she had spent the past year insulting, even more so. The whole time, she was so focused on his background and things magazines and haters wrote about him, she had never even considered to investigate further into his personality. Not that she had thought it was going to be any better than her assumptions, anyway. Though, she never had a friendly conversation with him, she had to admit that she had always been the one starting the snappy comments and he probably just followed along.
With that in mind, Y/N stood at a balck door with the number 703 printed on it in gold. How was she going to approach this? She didn't know, either. But she knew that she had to fix it somehow. Y/N wasn't a bad person after all and seeing that she had the opportunity to at least try and fix things, cleared her conscious a little. 
She knocked on the door gently, secretly praying that noone was home and she could just push this event to another day, but her hopes were shattered after a few seconds. The door opened and behind it was the man himself. Shirtless, of course. He had a toothbrush in his right hand and was holding the door open with the other. The light from the window behind him made his body glow in a sunrise-orange tone and Y/N had to scold herself for comparing him to an image of Adonis right there. His questioning facial expression changed to a cocky one as soon as he registered who had been interrupting his morning routine on this day and he moved his body to the side to motion for her to come in. Y/N followed his demands, inspecting his home. Even though she had known him for several months now, she had never even seen his apartment complex before. And looking at the plane walls surrounding rooms that were provided with a minimum of furniture, she decided that she had not missed out on anything. It was the typical man cave. With its lack of decoration and the fminine touch that made every home a home, it appeared rather unwelcoming and cool to her. 
Jeff returned from the bathroom without the toothbrush and went to the fridge to get some water. 
“What did I earn your company with on this fine morning?” Jeff cocked an eyebrow at the woman standing in his living room. It was pretty relaxing that she had not started this morning with an argument and Jeff didn't know it yet, but Y/N was about to surprise him for the second time today.
With that, Y/N turned to him and took his body in one more time before shrugging her shoulders and continuing to look around his apartment. The apology she had planned was weighing on her chest, but now that she was actually standing here with him, alone, she didn't know if ‘I like your shirt’ was the best entry into this conversation. Apart from the fact that he was not even wearing a shirt, it was the best Y/N had come up with for an icebreaker. 
She noticed some dog toys on the floor and decided to settle with that for the start.
“I Have a dog, too.” Y/N motioned to the water bowl next to her and forced a smile on her face to try and hide the humiliation that spilled over her in a giant wave.
Jeff looked into her eyes intently and answered with a frozen expression. “Yeah mine died last week.”
“Oh.” ‘I like your shirt’ suddenly seemd a lot less stupid. Y/N escaped a nervous laugh as she tried to come up with something to say, but Jeff just chuckled after noticing her puzzled expression.
“Just kidding, Nerf’s at the groomers.” A rush of adrenaline filled Y/N veins by those words. He was a dick, but she had to get this over with, somehow. Otherwise, Carly would whoop her ass and send her back to his door, right after and Y/n was not planning on this event to happen.
“Why don't you just tell me something you hate about this place and we take our separate path’s again?” Jeff was serious. He couldn't figure out, why she was here, or what she could possibly want from him, other than a battle of words, he would win anyways. So when Y/N fell silent again, he couldn't help but wonder if this was about something bigger than just another snarky comment.
“No.” Y/N looked away. Too big was the embarrassment she would face in the next minutes, if she was really going through with her plan of apologizing.
They had come so far already, not being caught up in an argument about something inconsequential for the whole time they were in his apartment and jeff could sense the conflict in her mind from a mile away. He was a pretty good liar himself and that subconsciously helped him to read people fairly well.
“How come you’re still so stubborn, Sugar?” A smirk snugg onto his face, again while he approached her from behind, trying to turn her focus to him.
Y/N had shivers running down her spine with those words. There was no denying, anymore. Jeff was an attractive man, but the fact that he knew it, gave her enough reason to not let him know how she felt about him. It was tough, and seeing that he had a dog, left her wondering if there weren't many more things they had in common. 
She turned around and stared up at him. Jeff was dangerously close to her, but Y/N did not attempt to increase the distance between them. It was uncomfortable to say the least, but the things she would say next were uncomfortable, too. Where was the point in changing anything about their current situation when she knew that it only got worse from here on? Exactly, there was none.
“What I’ve been meaning to say is that… I’m sorry. I have been mean to your for the sake of keeping you off my mind and it didn't even work. I just started beef with you, because I was scared. I was scared to face the fact that you are a pretty nice guy and on top of that someone I could actually fall for. You have been nothing but nice to all of my friends and even me. That is, until I started to open my stupid mouth. I’m incredibly sorry, Jeff. I hope you know that everything I said to you was not to be taken seriously. And that I’m not mad at you for the things you said to me. I honestly think, I deserve for those to be tattooed on my forehead for my shitty behavior. I’m… ugh… I’m just sorry and I hope that we can start over. I would love to be your friend if you want that, too. Though, I would understand if you don’t. I’m sorry, I truly am.”
That was a much needed release of pressure, which was crushing Y/N’s soul with every second she had to hold it in. The hardest part was over. Now, she just had to deal with the consequences. And those were something Y/N surely did not expect.
“Can I kiss you?”, was all he said as he searched for her eyes in the glimmer of the morning sun rising outside his windows.
 A shocked expression covered her face. She had just overcome the most embarrassing thing she could imagine and Jeff had totally ignored her. Rude.
“What?”
Jeff chuckled. “It's just, what you just said was pretty hot and I would just like to kiss you right now.”
Noone had ever initiated a kiss this casually and Y/N didn't care anymore at this point. She knew that the second Carly had told her to talk to Jeff, her mission of protecting herself from him and the eventual heartbreak, would be cancelled. And she was a 100% right.
“I guess I have a thing for people apologizing. Especially if they are as pretty as you.” Y/N shivered. That was, in a weird way, the sweetest thing she had heard in a long time and she couldn't help but nod her head ‘yes’.
Jeff didn't hesitate for another second. Too strong was the longing he had felt for her from the second she introduced herself to him months ago. He pushed his lips against hers, forcing her to stand on her tippy toes and locking her hands on his shoulders for support. They shared a closed mouth kiss for a couple of seconds before Jeff grabbed the back of her head with one hand. The other sneaking down her spine and stopping at the small of her back to push her even closer to him. A small whimper escaped Y/N’s lips and Jeff took that opportunity to slide his tongue in her mouth to french kiss. He explored her mouth, not leaving one corner untouched or unappreciated. Jeff was good at it. He was so good at it that Y/N just let herself fall into the kiss and let him take the lead, not even ringing his tongue for dominance. After a couple of seconds, she snuck her hands up his neck and buried her fingers into the buzzed hair on the back of his head. The stubbles tingled her skin and she just melted farther into his body. 
They broke apart after what felt like hours. Both panting, they looked at each other still wrapped into one another. There was a comfortable silence and tension between the two of them that was buzzing in their heads like electricity.
“You know, I always liked you, Y/N. I knew you would drop your act, eventually and just be mine.” Jeff grinned down to her, knowing he had finally won her over.
“Keep up that attitude and I can't promise anything.” Y/N smiled, too. She was willing to see where this was going, but for now she would just live in the moment and enjoy the time, in which no one gave her a reason to worry about anything. Especially not Jeff.
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