#because my brain already allotted the time as “not time for play yet”

[melchinafan]

I'm looking around for posts to read up more on alt text/image IDs/etc., trying to figure out what is preferred and how best to handle them. I've recently seen some posts using alt text instead of descriptions in the body of the post, and I remember something about alt text being fiddly for some folks though maybe not for others? But that was a bit ago so maybe there's been a tumblr update that made it better? Still not totally sure on that. (This article is pretty good so far, with clarification and examples of what each type of description is and what they're for. This one is also excellent, with a ton of thorough examples, though it's specifically art-focused. Tumblr-based link hubs I've found include this which has stuff about the why and how for various situations, and this which has even more, for both users and businesses.)

And part of my brain is going "my spoons, there's So Much involved here and AAAA..." (Both because I do try to make my descriptions Accurate and Interesting which takes brainpower to write...and also because I'm reading so much right now that my brain is currently full, so the mere concept of Having Spoons feels absurd at the moment.) But also I think...I think the basic flat starter sentences I keep doing are...what could/should go in the alt text section? (Like, "screenshot from [game]" and "stylized illustration, fanart for [thing].") I'm still reading, but if that's the case, you can chill, brain! We already do the alt text bit, we just gotta put it in a different spot.

It still does cost me spoons to also describe something after I've spent too much time drawing it. But I'm prone to sitting on things for a day before posting them, so I use that sitting time to at least start a description! Which I can then refine before posting, going back and forth between both image and description to double-check each for missed errors/potential improvements. AND sometimes I'm too lazy to pull out my tablet, so I'll start an image as a mouse-based doodle "note" to have the file ready to work on later...so sometimes I'll start the description then, if I've got a good idea of what I plan to have it look like! (Then it's doubly-important that I edit the description before posting, to make sure it matches whatever the actual end result was. But my perfectionism requires double- and triple-checking anyway, so it works out fine.)

Bonus benefit to image descriptions, besides increased accessibility (which is the point, and should be incentive enough to do them): I can indicate little details or intent in my drawings that might not be immediately obvious to everyone. Like, that Disco Elysium fanart I did had the swirling musical lines as a hugely key element that I pondered over and reiterated SO MUCH, trying to visually capture the audio differences I was imagining in every subtle way I could, even though the end result looks very simple. (Respective colors, different line thicknesses, and steady wave vs swooping swirls were obvious to me, but might not be to folks looking at it, yanno? Or they'd get the vibe, but not be able to explain why, so that could help make it "click.") Plus, I used the fuzzy edges and color fadeout as a nod to the Pale, which I also had the chance to add bonus hints about in the description (without having to go "HEY IT'S A REFERENCE" in the post itself). Or like this fanart of Ryou, I got to point out that the lineart placement and lighter areas of color not only served to indicate lighting, but also his slow movement and the fact that he's kind of dissolving. So yeah. Describing my stuff is also a nice little bonus to help everyone get in on what's going through my brain.

[ddarker-dreams]

Yan Childe x Reader x Yan Scaramouche HCs.

Warnings: Yandere themes, unwanted touching, and unhealthy relationships. Note: i need to warmup my brain so i wrote some headcanons... 

Prologue: 

The Tsaritsa had taken notice of the bad blood emanating between her two Harbingers. It would be impossible for anyone to miss, though few held the bravery to acknowledge the matter. Rather than leaving the problem to fester, she came to negotiate an arrangement between them both. Your time was to be delegated evenly between them both to prevent the inevitable carnage that would result otherwise.

Naturally, your feelings are taken with a grain of salt here; the Tsaritsa’s more concerned about preventing the two from being at each other’s throats than what you want. Perhaps there’s a gleam of pity in her eyes when she gazes down at you, yet it’s gone before you could blink. 

Neither Childe nor Scaramouche are entirely content with the end result. However, their Tsaritsa had spoken, and no longer wished to dwell on the matter. The final sentiment that they’re left with is that maybe you could be given as a reward to whoever completes her creed to the fullest. Thus begins your life of being tugged between two crazed individuals who feel as if they have everything to prove. 

Childe: 

Childe doesn’t want to dwell on what he cannot change. Where Scaramouche is forced to bite his tongue when receiving news of the arrangement, Childe is already thinking of all the ways he can use it to his advantage. He wants to set himself up to be your “favorite” of the two. Which is easier said than done, as you actively despise them both. 

Still, he’s never been one to back down from a challenge, and that’s exactly what he views you as. A lovely challenge for him to conquer. Childe is used to those around him being on edge due to his affiliations, yet he always manages to get what he wants out of them regardless due to his diplomatic abilities. He can say the right things at the right time and gets results. 

He quickly adapts to the new circumstances. In his allotted time with you, you can expect to be dragged from one place to the next. Childe is so confident in his strength and ability to keep you from running away that you almost thought he was bluffing. However, the few times you tried slinking off, you quickly discovered that there’s truth to his claims. His senses are almost inhuman. 

It doesn’t matter if you’re traveling on the road or staying in an inn — you’re going to be sleeping right next to him. Childe might joke about how it’s because he doesn’t want to let you slip through his fingers, but in truth, he just likes having you close. He’s by far the touchier and mostly openly affectionate of the two. You will not know what having space is like when he’s around, he always has his hands or arms around you. 

Childe doesn’t mind bringing you along on jobs that are going to be dangerous. It serves a few purposes. One, he’ll be extra diligent as there’s the added element of protecting you, which is even more thrilling than fighting alone. Two, you’ll get to witness his incredible strength that he’s honed his entire life firsthand. He’s something of a showoff. The adrenaline he gets from knowing you’re watching him is addicting, he can’t get enough of it. 

If you play your cards right, you might be able to convince Childe to grant you some simple freedoms. Nothing too grand, but you’re willing to take anything you can get. He’s more willing to take you on walks or bring you out in public to eat at restaurants. This is a privilege that can be rescinded, however, so you have to remain cognizant of that. He’ll keep an arm around your shoulder almost the entire time you’re out. 

Scaramouche: 

You’ll find that Scaramouche is both a shrewd and determined man. Nothing gets past him — a lesson that you’ll learn early on — so it’s better not to take more risks than necessary. He has a very low tolerance for disobedience but might entertain some verbal disagreements, if not for the satisfaction of proving you incorrect. 

He expects you to accompany him on most jobs. Since his time with you is somewhat limited, he wants to take advantage of every second, and thus you become his travel companion. Scaramouche isn’t a fan of camping outside unless it’s absolutely necessary, unlike Childe, who is fine either way. He prefers the privacy of an inn when you’re with him. It also helps that the locked doors and windows makes it harder for you to escape. Scaramouche still stations guards outside as a precaution, but facing his wrath is often enough reason to discourage you from trying anything. 

You’re given a touch more privacy with Scaramouche than with Childe. While he does take you almost everywhere with him, for very important jobs, he’d prefer you stayed back until he returned. He doesn’t want to risk you making a scene. The alone time is a valued reprieve from all the stress being on edge around these men causes, so you’ll take what you can get, even if the reason for it is dehumanizing. 

Scaramouche finds himself treating you like a confidant at times, oddly enough. He berates your intelligence yet still speaks to you about his work. It started as an accident. He only wanted to vent about a diplomat who had messed up his plans, but grew to enjoy how it felt to get the feelings out of his system. You were surprised to learn he talks a lot under the right circumstances. He’ll normally wave off your tentative suggestions, though if they’re actually viable, he’ll make a mental note of it. Not that he’d ever tell you this, he can’t let it get to your head that he sometimes takes your advice. 

He has an entire wardrobe dedicated to the clothes he’s bought for you. Scaramouche is very particular about what he wants you to wear, down to the accessories in your hair. He mutters under his breath that Childe has a boorish taste in fashion while handmaidens rush to fix you to his liking. Scaramouche finds you aesthetically pleasing to look at. You’ll sometimes be called into his presence just to sit in silence while he works, occasionally stealing glances in your direction. 

You’ll eventually conclude that Scaramouche is a very lonely man. His disagreeable personality has him at odds with many people, you’re just about the only person he spends his free time with, and that’s because you don’t have a choice. The fact that he has to “share” you with Childe is even more of an insult because of this. He wants to have you all for himself and will stop at nothing to make that a reality.

[heyiwrotesomethings]

It’s Been Too Long

Shinobu Kochou x She/Her Reader

A/N: Alright Shinobu Community, take a fuckin’ sip babes. It’s kind of a long one. My brain was like, friends to enemies to friends to lovers? To which I replied, this is going to be simultaneously too long and too short. I love me some slow burn but also I can’t justify putting that much time into something like this lol. While writing this I learned that one becomes a Hashira by killing a demon moon OR killing at least fifty demons. I didn't know that before, but I was in too deep to fix things. Y’all are a Kinoe rank that probably should be a Hashira given how much slaying you’ve done, sorry! As far as warnings go, I think we’re good. Unless fighting and misunderstandings aren’t your thing. It’ll all be better in the end though!  Word Count: 15,088 

The estate was dark and bleak. It had rained for nearly a week straight, the patter of water against the solid structure of the tiled roof was a near constant companion to the blank static of despair that clouded everyone’s minds.

Kochou Kanae had died of lethal injuries bequeathed to her by a high ranking demon who had left her to bleed out as the sun made its appearance. Perhaps if it had risen even just a few minutes prior, she could have evaded such a cruel fate.

Shinobu had found her of course, the world is just that cruel, or perhaps kind in giving her sister that closure, to be able to see her one last time before she took her last gurgling breath.

It was appropriate, the rain. After the funeral it was a temporary reminder of the warmth that had been reaped from the estate, never to be felt again in this lifetime. Not that (Y/n), Kanao, Aoi, or the youngest residents of the estate needed a reminder. Shinobu certainly didn’t either.

“Shinobu, you didn’t come to dinner. Please try to eat something.” (Y/n) coaxed, sliding the door open. The only light came from a small lantern inside the swirling gloom of the room, highlighting Shinobu hunched over her desk with her head in her hands. “Shinobu?”

“It’s only been a week.” (Y/n) strained to hear the taut whisper of the girl who had grown to be her closest friend. The girl who had given her a second chance at life when she had nowhere else to go. It hurt to hear her sound so broken. “It feels like time is standing still and going too fast at the same time.”

(Y/n) set the light meal in front of Shinobu and leaned against the desk, the wood creaked slightly as she did so. “I know what you mean. I feel the same.”

It wasn’t the first time they’ve talked like this. To be survivors of such unthinkable atrocities, one could go crazy keeping it all locked inside. The guilt, fear, helplessness... sometimes the memories played on loop night after night, waking up to the screams in their minds making sick harmonies with their own.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” Shinobu spoke tentatively after a moment of drizzling static tapping against the roof. She raised herself just enough to wrestle a paper out from under her arms and slid it to (Y/n). “Oyakata-sama has sent me a summons to meet with him and the Hashira. He intends for me to take,” Shinobu’s voice grew tighter and she could not bring herself to finish, instead a painful sounding intake of air was all that was audible.

(Y/n) took the paper, holding it close to her face as she squinted, the dull light of the lantern made the letter a bit difficult to read, but the message was clear.

“He wants you to take her place.” (Y/n) frowned, a pained gleam pricked at the corners of her eyes.

“It’s been too long, but yet, not long enough,” Shinobu’s fists tightened, “I know the world hasn’t stopped spinning, demons haven’t stopped killing, but why do they want to replace her so quickly? Why are they willing to toss her aside? I don’t...”

“Shinobu,”

Shinobu finally looked up at (Y/n), angry and mournful tears tracked down her face, “I’m not my sister, I’m not Hashira material. I can’t fill the hole she left, (Y/n)!”

(Y/n) abandoned her perch on the desk to crouch beside Shinobu, enveloping her in her arms. Shinobu tightly grasped her back, watery gasps and sharp inhales fell from her lips as she tried to gain control of her breathing once more.

“Oyakata-sama knows you aren’t Kanae. You’re strong in your own right, Shinobu. He wouldn’t breach the subject if he didn’t think you could succeed by your own merits.”

“I have to keep the estate in order, the infirmary, the girls... I can’t take all this responsibility—“

“You don’t have to,” (Y/n) cut her off, the words came a bit sharper than she meant them too, “you’re not alone Shinobu. We can all have our own parts to play. You don’t have to shoulder this all by yourself.”

“Thank you.” Shinobu’s voice cracked.

They had stayed up well into the night. They hardly talked, the two young girls sat huddled together, holding each other tightly. No matter how much they’ve been hurt, time continues moving forward. Just because a boat has been shredded against a reef, that doesn’t mean the waves will grant reprieve from their assault. No, one is expected to keep swimming or to swallow the salty brine and drown. The Butterfly Estate’s allotted time for grief had passed. Now they were being given the not so subtle command that it was time to get back to work.

***

“I wish you could come with me.” Shinobu said the next morning as she sat on the engawa to put on her shoes. “Even if they made you wait outside I would feel a bit better.”

“You’ll be okay, we’ll be thinking about you all day and waiting for you to come back home.” (Y/n) assured, resting her hand on Shinobu’s back. She was almost afraid to touch the haori Shinobu now adorned, as if her hand would pass right through the material.

(Y/n) was surprised when she saw Shinobu wearing it instead of her usual short white haori, though she supposed there was comfort in holding this piece of her sister close. Perhaps the butterfly patterned haori could comfort Shinobu where (Y/n) and the others could not.

(Y/n) must have been staring too long because Shinobu leaned away from her hand, catching it with her own before (Y/n) could withdraw it completely. Shinobu squeezed the hand a moment, (Y/n) swore her heart froze upon seeing the ghostly smile painted over Shinobu’s lips.

“You’re right. No point in fretting over it, is there?”

“...Right,” (Y/n) blinked, “yeah. You’re going to do great.” (Y/n) managed a smile in return but she could feel the corner of her lips tremble at the effort. She wasn’t sure why, but this smile Shinobu was sporting sent chills down her spine.

“I’ll be off then,” Shinobu stood, releasing (Y/n)’s hand as she stepped away from the engawa, “Do make sure to keep everything in order while I’m away.”

“Of course!” (Y/n) winced at her own volume and Shinobu exhaled a quiet chuckle before turning away to make her way down the path. (Y/n) watched until the haunting haori could no longer be seen between the wisteria trees.

***

It was rather late when Shinobu returned. (Y/n) had just helped the youngest girls of the estate get ready for bed and was heading to the kitchens to prepare some tea to help her sleep. She had jumped in her skin when she saw the back of the butterfly patterned haori in the dim lantern light. Shinobu turned at the sound and sent a small, tired smile (Y/n)’s way.

“I thought I’d catch you here before you turned in for the night.” Shinobu spoke. “You almost always take a cup of tea to bed. I hope you don’t mind having some of what I’ve already prepared.”

It wasn’t the first time Shinobu caught her going to the kitchen to make tea. Though usually it was much later in the dead of night when nightmares and grief kept sleep at bay. (Y/n) wasn’t sure what kind of leaves or brewing Shinobu did, but her tea always managed to knock (Y/n) out cold into deep, dreamless bliss. Something about the way Shinobu was speaking was rubbing (Y/n) the wrong way however. There was none of the familiar attitude. The bashful bitterness that came with the sweetness of the tea. (Y/n) decided to shake it off and returned Shinobu’s tired smile. It would take time for things to seem normal again.

“You know me too well. Thank you.” (Y/n) graciously took the cup, relishing in the cup’s warmth and the relaxing scent that wafted off of the steam. “How did today go?”

“It was... fine.” Shinobu’s smile faltered and she quickly disguised it by sipping her own tea. “I’m officially a Hashira. Insect Pillar Kochou Shinobu.”

“It has a nice ring to it.” (Y/n) put in after a moment’s consideration hidden behind the guise of her clearing her throat. She didn’t know if a ‘congratulations’ would be what Shinobu would want to hear give the circumstances that led up to her new title.

“And how was holding down the fort?” Shinobu asked. It seemed she wanted to shift the topic of conversation away from herself. Not that (Y/n) could blame her.

“Everything went smoothly. Well, Aoi did get a bit aggravated with Kanao about one of her coin decisions but we worked it out. Sumi, Kiyo and Naho are picking up the recovery training lessons quickly and are doing very well. The Kakushi have been taking great care of the infirmary. All patients were still stable last I checked in.” (Y/n) reported.

“Thank you for keeping up with all of that.”

“I have to pull my weight around here somehow.” (Y/n) replied, hiding a yawn behind one hand.

“It’s getting late. You should get to bed before the tea kicks in any further.” Shinobu said, putting her own cup down.

“Aren’t you getting tired too?”

“I made myself a different brew, actually. I’ve got more work to do.” Shinobu allowed herself a little sly smile at the tiny frown (Y/n) wore as she looked into her own empty cup as if it had betrayed her somehow.

“Well, don’t forget you need to sleep too. Don’t overwork yourself.”

“Goodnight, (Y/n).” Shinobu called over her shoulder. She was already walking out of the kitchen.

“I mean it Shinobu. Promise me you’ll sleep tonight.” (Y/n) gently demanded, slipping into the hall to fall in step beside Shinobu.

“I’ll promise to try. Is that acceptable?” Shinobu asked, a bit of familiar snark came through and it made (Y/n) relax a bit and nod.

“Alright. Goodnight, Shinobu.”

At the end of the hall they broke off in different directions. Shinobu to the lab and (Y/n) to her room.

***

(Y/n) went through most of her morning routine before going out of her way to find the newly appointed Hashira. She hadn’t seen her since they parted last night. (Y/n) groaned inwardly, already assuming she’d find the young scientist still balancing equations and mixing beakers.

(Y/n) adjusted her butterfly hairpin before knocking her knuckles against the door, waiting for a reply.

“Shinobu?” (Y/n) had called out after another knock led to no reply. (Y/n) frowned and slid the door open of her own volition, closing it behind her once she was inside. It didn’t take long for her to find the exhausted girl hunched over an array of papers, dead asleep.

“When I told you to go to sleep last night, I had your own bed in mind, not a desk.” (Y/n) sighed quietly.

(Y/n) startled at another knock at the door.

“Who is it?” She asked, keeping her voice soft as to not disturb Shinobu.

“It’s Hayato, miss.” The muffled voice called. Ah, one of the Kakushi. “Kochou-sama has guests to attend to.”

“Set them up in the garden with tea, please. Kochou-sama will meet them just as soon as she finishes these papers.” (Y/n) said. It would not do to have news of the young master of the estate sleeping so late in the morning, and at her desk no less.

The Kakushi dismissed himself to carry out his orders and (Y/n)’ shoulders relaxed as his footprints faded down the hall. (Y/n) didn’t want to wake Shinobu, but if her presence was required, then the meeting must be important.

“Hey, Shinobu,” (Y/n) called softly, gently shaking Shinobu’s shoulders, “you have guests that need to see you.”

Shinobu managed to curl further into herself, mumbling a few curses under her breath that (Y/n) couldn’t help but giggle at.

“Maybe you’d feel better if you had actually gone to bed instead of passing out like this.”

“Who is it, what do they need?” Shinobu grumped, sitting up to stretch her abused spine.

“I’m not sure. A Kakushi came by to tell you about them. I asked him to set them up in the garden with tea.”

“Thank you for taking care of that,” Shinobu rubbed her eyes and stood, her chair scratching against the floor, “I should get going then.”

“Let me fix your hair quick at least.” (Y/n) said, already freeing Shinobu of her own butterfly clip. “Hold still.”

“It’s a little hard when you keep tugging your fingers through my hair.” Shinobu winced.

“Sorry, just a second.” (Y/n) spoke around the butterfly wing that she held between her lips as her fingers worked to gather Shinobu’s hair. Once Shinobu’s hair was neatly clipped back into place, (Y/n) circled her and smoothed out the wrinkles in Shinobu’s clothes the best she could before finally backing away with a satisfied nod.

“Are you done yet?” Shinobu asked, a faint dusting of blush powdered her cheeks.

“Yeah, you still look tired, but at least you look a little more presentable.” (Y/n) said, opening the lab door and ushering Shinobu through it.

“Presentable.” Shinobu scoffed. “Come with me to the garden?”

“I don’t know if that would be appropriate. I’m not sure who is visiting.”

“Just make yourself busy in the blooms. You live here, you can go where you please.”

“Okay, I’ll come.”

The young girls made their way outside, it was warm and sunny, a bit humid as well after all the rain the week before. The sweet smell of the flowers invited deeper breaths to swallow up the scent into every bronchiole of their lungs.

(Y/n) broke off from Shinobu with a little wave, giving a respectful acknowledgment to the people waiting with their tea before busying herself with the flora. Checking on the quality of the plants as Kanae had taught her. The memories spent with the older girl who had taught her so much made (Y/n) shiver despite the warmth of the sun beating down.

(Y/n) would on occasion, discreetly observe the progression of the meeting. The smile Shinobu wore as she spoke to the visitors unnerved her. Even just the way Shinobu was holding herself now, prim and proper, (Y/n) wondered what they could possibly be talking about.

Then the familiar cawing of a crow circling over her head broke (Y/n) from her thoughts. She released her gentle grip over the flower she had stopped to smell and craned her neck to see her crow calling out to her. A mission, her heartbeat picked up in pace. She hadn’t been on one since a few days before Kanae’s death. How out of practice could she be?

“Pardon the noise,” (Y/n) bowed. The meeting had paused in their hushed conversation to observe the bird as well. (Y/n) hardly gave Shinobu a glance as she past. Her fingers trembling slightly as she made her way back inside to retrieve her nichirin blade from her room. (Y/n)’s mind buzzed and her crow’s caws sounded muted and muffled, far away. She kept walking, willing her breaths to remain controlled. Her concentration broke as a hand reached out from behind her and tugged her back.

(Y/n) turned to meet Shinobu’s eyes. Though more subdued, the concern she saw there was genuine.

“(Y/n), I kept telling you to stop. Are you listening to me?”

“I’m sorry, I guess I was just focusing on the mission ahead.”

Shinobu breathed deeply releasing the air in a shaky exhale before gripping (Y/n)’s face in one hand, surprising her.

“No you weren’t.” Shinobu’s grip was firm, “You need to concentrate on your surroundings. I was almost yelling at you just now. I need to know you are going to be able to keep your head about you out there.”

(Y/n) tried to nod her head but Shinobu’s hand kept her head in place.

“I need to hear you say it.” Shinobu said.

“I can keep my head. I will.” (Y/n) swallowed uncomfortably.

Shinobu searched (Y/n)’s face, slowly releasing her grip from (Y/n)‘s jaw and instead grabbed at the neck of (Y/n)’s uniform pulling her so close their noses bumped.

“You better,” She spoke softly.

“I will,” (Y/n) repeated.

Shinobu untensed, her fingers released (Y/n)’s uniform and she wrapped her arms around her in a tight hug that (Y/n) quickly reciprocated.

“Your meeting,” (Y/n) recalled after a moment.

“I asked to be excused. I’m the master of the estate, I can get away with escaping for for a few minutes.”

“I wouldn’t make a habit out of it if I were you.” (Y/n) attempted to joke.

“Only when it matters.” Shinobu nodded seriously, causing (Y/n)’s heart to leap.

(Y/n)’s crow cawed impatiently and the girls parted. (Y/n) left to retrieve her blade and Shinobu watched her back as she left, her hands clenched into tight fists beneath the sleeves of her sister’s haori.

***

Night after night, the missions kept coming. (Y/n) had begun to wonder if she’d ever get to go home again as days became weeks. Scattered letters between waves of demon slaying were the best she could manage to make sure everyone back home knew she was alright.

Another night, a new moon. A few more nights and it would be a full month since she’d last seen everyone. She was glad she took the time to say goodbye before she left. She never imagined she’d be asked to work for so long without reprieve.

Another well timed flower breathing technique beheads another demon and (Y/n) falls against the trunk of a tree breathing hard. She is uninjured but greatly fatigued. The thought to sit and rest hardly enters her mind before her crow commands her eastward to eliminate another threat before dawn.

Breath after breath, technique after technique, night after night (Y/n) fought until everything ached and beyond. When she saw the the sun peak out over the horizon it was almost enough to bring (Y/n) to tears, but she never faltered. She had to stay strong. This was the life she chose to pursue. To save people from the same fate that befallen so many people she had cared about.

It was during an exceptionally hot day when the sun was at its highest point that (Y/n) flinched awake at the shrill squawks she had grown to loathe.

“What?” She hissed between her teeth, her fingers knotting in the grass that had served as her bed for the day.

“Return home to the Butterfly Estate! Return home to recover and rest! Await further instruction!”

(Y/n) lifted herself to rest on her elbows to stare wide-eyed at the bird sitting in the tree branch overhead. For the first time in that very long month, she allowed the tears to finally fall.

***

(Y/n) felt nervous coming back after so long. She opted to return from the rear entrance in an attempt to not garner too much attention. She allowed herself a tentative smile as the gardens came into view. Her fingers skimmed across the colorful blooms as she walked, freezing up only when she saw Shinobu collecting herbs in the distance. Her foot snapped a twig, alerting Shinobu to glance behind her.

“Hi, stranger.” Shinobu simpered, getting to her feet. “Oh!”

(Y/n) forgot all her previous worries and jogged up to Shinobu, picking her up with the added strength that she had built up in her month long absence and twirled her around with abandon.

“(Y/n)?” Shinobu chuckled with surprise, bracing her arms around (Y/n)‘s shoulders as she was flung around.

“I missed you!” (Y/n) sniffled, finally putting the girl down but still holding her tightly.

“I missed you too.” Shinobu said, rubbing (Y/n)’s back. “What took so long getting back, hm?”

“Mission after mission after mission.” came (Y/n)’s bitter reply. “I actually cried when my crow told me I could come home... I don’t know why I told you that. That’s embarrassing.”

Shinobu laughed, pulling back from (Y/n) to get a good look at her. “My, (Y/n), I can tell your time away had made you stronger. Even if you are still a bit of a crybaby.”

“Hey!” (Y/n) pouted.

“(Y/n) is back!”

“Woah!”

(Y/n) was sent stumbling backward a few steps by three blurs of white. Naho, Sumi and Kiyo spoke a mile a minute filling in (Y/n) on all the goings on of the estate. Aoi and Kanao came by soon after and gave (Y/n) their own greetings, expressing their happiness over the slayer’s return in their own ways.

It was good to be home, it was. But after a few days, (Y/n) really got a chance to see how different Shinobu had become.

The tone of her voice carried like a soft breeze and a polite smile could always be seen on her lips. Aoi reminded (Y/n) more of the Shinobu she remembered than the current Shinobu before her. It unnerved her. The way Shinobu would tilt her head just so and giggle daintily into her hand... it was like staring at a ghost.

(Y/n) thought she could get over the change, but she simply couldn’t. Not when staring into those dark, purple eyes. Oh, how they swirled with anger and despair. If Shinobu couldn’t fully believe in the persona she had crafted for herself, then (Y/n) wouldn’t either. Late one night while helping Shinobu in the lab, (Y/n) finally decided to confront her.

“Why do you keep smiling like that?” (Y/n) frowned, worrying the page of the textbook before her between her fingers.

“Hm? I’m afraid I don’t quite know what you mean.” Shinobu replied casually, smile still firmly in place as she crushed some herbs under her pestle.

“You do too know what I mean,” (Y/n) eyebrows furrowed slightly in aggravation, “why do you keep smiling like you’re okay when you’re clearly not?”

“What have I said or done that makes you think I’m not okay? I’m perfectly fine, (Y/n),” she chuckled, “you worry for nothing.”

“That mask might have everyone else fooled... or maybe they’re just complacent, but I’m tired of pretending nothing is wrong. Talk to me, Shinobu.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Shinobu shook her head, “there is nothing to discuss. Perhaps I’ve kept you up too late.”

“You shouldn’t have to hide what you’re truly feeling,” (Y/n) persisted, “not from me at least. I thought we were friends.”

“We are.” Shinobu’s tone was nearly clipped as she crushed the herbs a bit more vigorously.

“Then stop acting so, so fake!” (Y/n) spat, wincing almost immediately as fast has the words came out. There was probably a better way she could have said that. Before she could apologize and try again, Shinobu put the pestle on the table with a harsh clink and stalked over to where (Y/n) was sitting. Fighting to keep her tone in check, she stared (Y/n) down with that plastic smile and spoke in a low, hushed tone that filled (Y/n)’s veins with ice.

“So I’m fake, is that right? People change, (Y/n). You were gone for a month, you can’t expect everyone to wait for you, to not change or grow in your absence.”

“People change, yes,” (Y/n) swallowed tightly at the proximity, “but whatever this is Shinobu, I really don’t think it’s healthy. I can tell you’re bottling something up. Kanae—”

“Leave.”

“...what?”

“Leave,” Shinobu closes the textbook in front of (Y/n) and although she does so with care, the sound is deafening in (Y/n)’s ears, “I don’t care where you go, just get out of my lab. I’ve had my fill of this mindless chatter.”

“Are you being serious right now?” (Y/n) clenched her fists and stood from her chair, the legs slid roughly against the wood below.

“Yes, I don’t have time for immature children right now I’m afraid.” Came Shinobu’s airy reply.

“Immature— stop acting like you know better than me, we’re both kids, we’re fourteen!“ (Y/n) seethes, “I’m worried about you! I care about you! Don’t you get it?”

“Your worry is unfounded. It’s late and you are being of no help to me like this so I’ll ask you once more, leave.”

(Y/n) felt heat pricking the corners of her eyes. “I feel like I don’t know who you are anymore.” She breathed. “But fine, I’ll leave if that’s what you want.”

“At this moment in time, I couldn’t ask for anything better.” Shinobu replied, turning her back to (Y/n) to continue what she had previously been working on.

Once (Y/n) shut the door with finality and her quick footsteps became softer as she ran down the hall, Shinobu exhaled harshly, gripping the pestle tightly in her hand as she mercilessly pounded the dried herbs into dust.

“Only immature people don’t control their emotions... only immature people...”

As Shinobu repeated her mantra, (Y/n) burst into her room and looked around her. With trembling hands she changed into a fresh uniform and packed a small bag of belongings and slinging it over her shoulder. She grabbed her haori and attached her nichirin blade to her hip.

She looked around the room once more and caught her reflection in the little hand mirror on her desk, catching the bright colors of a wing that secured her hair in place. She reached back, freeing her hair from the clip and stared at it. She ran her thumb over the decorative clip before setting it on the desk. She reached for a plain hair band and tied her hair back with that instead.

(Y/n) left her room, sparing one last hurt glance at the butterfly clip before exiting the estate grounds. Before long, her crow circled overhead and (Y/n) held her arm out for the bird to take perch. The crow cawed at her expectantly, questioning her.

“If she wants me to leave, then what else is there to do?” (Y/n) shuddered in the wind. She turned away from the estate, willing herself not to turn back.

“Where will you go?” The crow asked.

“...I don’t know.”

With every step leaving the warmth of the estate farther behind, (Y/n)’s heart grew heavier in her chest.

***

“Have any of you seen (Y/n) today?” Shinobu asked the girls once they had come back in after hanging the laundry out to dry.

A chorus of negatives and head shakes met her and she sighed inwardly. “Very well then. Thank you.”

Shinobu traveled through the maze of hallways that made up her home, easily finding herself in front of (Y/n)’s door, knocking politely. With no reply, Shinobu forced herself not to roll her eyes and opened the door.

“(Y/n), if this is about last night...” Shinobu blinked at the empty room. Futon made, clean floors, not a thing out of place, but no (Y/n).

“Perhaps she’s out training.” Shinobu said to herself. She was about to close the door and head off into the gardens when a glint from the desk caught her eye and she approached. A soft gasp left her lips as she picked up the hairpin. Cradling it in her hands, Shinobu forced her breaths to remain controlled. (Y/n) had never gone a day without wearing the pin since the Kochou sisters gifted it to her.

In the safety of the empty room, Shinobu allowed herself to slump over the desk. She held the discarded hairpin close to her chest, immediately understanding what this small symbol meant. Yes, she knew what it meant, she just wished to know why. She fought against the waves, against the feeling that she was drowning again.

***

Four years was a long time, and if you asked (Y/n), the demon slayer would say that was especially true with her line of work. The demons were never the same, but the routine in between was lonely and dull. Kill a demon, settle down at an inn or in the trees for the day, move to the next village and repeat. Sometimes the stays were longer, but that was the gist of it.

(Y/n) kept to herself most of the time. There wasn’t really a point in making anything more than loose acquaintances with the constant traveling and dangers her work presented. Even on the few missions she had been paired up with other slayers in the area, she focused on the job at hand before quickly making her way to her next assignment. That started to change after she met Kamado Tanjirou and his demon sister Nezuko.

They did not get off on the right foot to say the least.

(Y/n) had been sent to the same location as the young slayer for a mission and knew something was off about him right away. Something off with that box he carried around anyway. (Y/n) opted to let him be for the time being, focusing on the mission ahead. Skip forward to the heat of battle, and (Y/n) could hardly believe her eyes when a demon burst from the boy’s box to attack another demon that had snuck around Tanjirou’s back.

(Y/n) had no time to watch and focus on this new development at the moment, she had her own demons to take care of. Her flower breathing techniques weaved through her enemies and heads went flying. Before long, the mission was completed and (Y/n) turned to the boy breathing heavily in the dirt with the demon from the box hovering over him looking at (Y/n) with curious eyes.

“You’re really skilled, (Y/n)-san!” Tanjirou praised, somehow unaware of the danger his sister was in, “You don’t even look like you’re out of breath.”

“I’ve been doing this for years. I know a lot. For instance,” (Y/n) spoke, her face stern as stone as she readied her blade, startling Tanjirou, “every demon must be destroyed.” She went in with a quick slash aimed at the demon’s neck  only to pause at the last second when the foolish younger boy leapt to his feet to shield the demon from the blow.

“What are you doing?” (Y/n) asked sternly.

“Wait, she’s my sister! She’s a good demon!”

“I shouldn’t have to tell you that what you are doing is against corps rules. I can sympathize with wanting to hold onto your loved ones, but there is no such thing as a good demon. Step aside.”

“No, Nezuko has never eaten a human and she never will!” Tanjirou held his ground while his sister growled at (Y/n) from behind him.

(Y/n) rolled her eyes. “Alright then,” she said with a sarcastic sweetness, “prove it.”

“What?” Tanjirou blinked.

“Prove it, take off the muzzle. Let’s see if she has as much control as you claim she does.”

“But—“

“It shouldn’t be a problem, right? If she’s as docile as you claim what’s the issue?”

Tanjirou grit his teeth and gently pulled the muzzle to rest around his sister’s neck. (Y/n) stepped forward, her face inches away from the demon. She wasn’t worried, if the demon lunged for her she was confident she could slice its head the moment the air changed.

“Well demon?” (Y/n) sighed, surprising Tanjirou by slicing the pad of her thumb on her sharp blade, “hungry?”

To Nezuko’s credit, she hardly flinched. However, her eyes followed the path of the blood and a small trickle of drool slid past her lips. (Y/n) taunted her a bit further, waving the bloodied hand in front of her nose, still Nezuko held strong and even went as far as turning away.

“...I must say, I’m rather impressed,” (Y/n) finally spoke, stepping back from the demon and licking at her own wound, “marechi blood such as my own usually makes the demons go crazy,” she turns back to Tanjirou, “still, you must know that keeping a demon alive like this, especially as a slayer, is dangerous for both of you.”

“I know,” Tanjirou bowed his head.

“Well,” (Y/n) stretched and sighed, “as long as you know I guess it’s your own problem.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, just don’t call me out if a Hashira finds you out. I don’t feel like dying a disgrace.” (Y/n) waved him off. “You’re going to have to work even harder and be more discreet. That’s my advice to you.” And (Y/n) was going to leave it at that and walk away, but then her crow chanted in tandem with Tanjirou’s, calling them to continue forward together. (Y/n)′s eye twiched at the grating sounds.

“It looks like we’ll still be working together for some time, (Y/n)-san!” Tanjirou smiled, catching the older girl off guard by the sincerity behind it. You’d think he’d be more put off considering (Y/n) was planning to kill his sister not five minutes ago.

“I suppose we are.”

“Say, (Y/n)-san, you’re strong. You can help me get stronger too, right?”

“Mm!”

“Hey, get her off of me!” (Y/n) momentarily panicked as the demon wrapped her arms around her waist.

“Nezuko, manners!”

(Y/n) wasn’t sure what she had done to get saddled with the strange siblings, but she could tell her job just went above her pay grade.

***

As it turns out, the Kamado siblings weren’t so bad. In fact, (Y/n) was starting to get really attached to the two. It was when Inosuke and Zenitsu were pulled into their little group, that was when (Y/n) realized she didn’t know what true pain was.

“(Y/n)-san, marry me!”

“Flower Girl, fight me!”

All damn day and night.

(Y/n) thought she’d finally have reprieve once Tanjirou had healed up at the Wisteria House, but of course the two boisterous boys were being sent with them to their next mission, Natagumo Mountain.

Zenitsu cowered at the forest edge and (Y/n) felt no remorse in leaving him behind as she sprinted ahead of Inosuke and Tanjirou, freeing the puppeted Mizunoto slayers.

Eventually they had been split off from each other to fight their own battles. (Y/n) was tired but otherwise unharmed, surprised when a small Nezuko came barreling into her.

“Nezu—?” (Y/n) gasped as the air shifted above her and she dodged the quick swipe aimed at the tiny body that clung to her. She quickly pivoted, blade in hand, and crossed swords with the assailant her eyes blowing wide at the placid face in front of her.

“Kanao?!” (Y/n) yelled out, the nostalgia and adrenaline coursing through her body was an odd, slightly terrifying combination.

Kanao tilted her head, her lips parted ever so slightly as recognition gleamed in her eyes. Despite this, Kanao did have a mission to complete and (Y/n) was keeping her from completing her orders. She continued swiping at the older girl she used to know, trying to behead the demon she could not fathom why she was protecting.

(Y/n) parried and blocked best she could, taking a defensive approach while she tried to talk Kanao down. She didn’t want to hurt Kanao, but she didn’t want Nezuko to be killed either.

Finally a saving grace, a crow swooping by with a message that saved Nezuko’s neck. (Y/n) sighed in relief as Kanao pulled back. Still looking at (Y/n) she pointed to the small demon that had wrapped herself tightly over (Y/n)’s back.

“Is this Nezuko?” She asked looking for a positive ID on the demon in question.

“Yes.” (Y/n) easily replied.

“Come with me then.” Kanao said, already corralling (Y/n) and her demon backpack in the direction of the forest edge.

(Y/n) walked alongside her a bit begrudgingly. If she made a break for it, she could have probably gotten away, but it was very likely Tanjirou and the others were already in custody. The best chance they had now was to do as they were told and hope Nezuko’s resolve would stand firm.

So (Y/n) hid Nezuko in her haori as the sun began to peak over the hills and followed Kanao to the clearing of bustling Kakushi. On the way, she began preparing her story for the trial she was sure her little team was bound to endure.

She was immediately broken from her thoughts at the ethereal sight of the Insect Pillar emerging from another point of the woods with the Water Pillar and a badly beaten Tanjirou on his back.

(Y/n)’s breath caught in her throat as those deep, dark eyes found hers at it was like time was at a stand still. At least it would have been if not for Shinobu steadily making her way towards her, her expression painfully impassive beyond the small upturn of her lips. Shinobu kept coming until she was directly in front of (Y/n).

Nezuko stirred in her sleep, clutching at (Y/n)’s back as if she could sense anxiety in the slayer’s heart. The demon was the only thing grounding her at this point as Shinobu tilted her head, an almost sinister look in her eye as she observed the small demon bundle protected by (Y/n)’s haori. All too soon, her cold eyes found their way back to (Y/n)’s and she spoke.

“I’m not going to have to tie you up, am I?”

(Y/n) closed her eyes briefly and tried to take a calming breath. With a short, almost imperceivable shake of her head, she hoarsely replied.

“No.”

“Let’s try to keep it that way then.”

Shinobu and Kanao had let (Y/n) help Nezuko into her box, but then they immediately separated the two, having a Kakushi carry the box with a wary look in her eyes. (Y/n) did her best not to look behind her where Kanao and Shinobu walked, no doubt watching her for any sign of flight.

She gulped, eyes nervously shifting to the Water Pillar walking beside her, and the Kakushi who was now carrying Tanjirou in his stead. The Water Pillar spared her an emotionless glance as he forged ahead.

“Is he going to be alright?” She asked in a hushed tone.

Enough time had passed after her question that (Y/n) had figured the man wasn’t in the mood to talk, understandably so, but (Y/n) was worried about the state Tanjirou was in. She nearly jumped out of her skin when he actually answered her minutes later.

“That will all depend on how the trial goes.”

(Y/n) felt dread pool in her stomach as they continued to march down the mountain.

***

The garden of the Master’s estate would have been lovely on any other occasion, but (Y/n) could only bring herself to stare at the pebbles below her knees and Tanjirou passed out at her side. They had taken Nezuko somewhere else in the meantime, she could only hope they would let the demon be, let her prove herself in front of them instead of killing her on principle.

(Y/n) could feel that Shinobu was standing just behind her but she dared not engage. Four years of silence between the two and a trial for treason in the highest regard had brought them together again. (Y/n) wanted to scream.

Finally Tanjirou began to stir and (Y/n) allowed herself to push away her turmoil to rouse the younger boy gently. The last thing they needed was for him to be all up in arms before the trial even officially began.

“(Y/n)-san,” Tanjirou winced, “where are we? Where is Nezuko?”

“We’re at the Demon Slayer Headquarters,” (Y/n) replied, her voice was hardly above a whisper as she felt the pressure of all the Hashira’s eyes boring into them, “I don’t know where they’re keeping Nezuko, but right now you need to focus on the trial ahead.”

“The trial?”

“For harboring a demon, Tanjirou.”

“I wouldn’t bother trying to justify it! A crime as heinous as yours only ends one way!” Rengoku Kyojirou loudly proclaimed, rallying a range of replies from his fellow pillars.

“Now that he’s finally awake to witness his punishment, let’s behead these traitors and the demon and get on with our lives.” Uzui Tengen added.

“Please,” (Y/n) forced her voice not to waiver, “allow him to explain the situation at least—“

“You’re in no position to be asking for favors, girl.” Obanai Iguro cut her off, glaring down at her from where he lounged on a tree branch. “You had best hold your tongue. A slayer at your rank should be ashamed. I’m surprised you haven’t already sliced yourself open for the embarrassment you’ve brought to the corps.”

“Iguro-san!” Kanroji gasped at the harsh words.

“Who are these people, (Y/n)-san?” Tanjirou groaned, noticing for the first time that his hands were tied tightly behind his back.

“Tanjirou, are you serious?” (Y/n)’s tone was hushed and urgent, “they’re the Hashira! You know, best of the demon slayers?”

“I don’t know, umph!” (Y/n) hastily covered his mouth, a nervous sweat gathered at her brow.

“Just try to be respectful, will you? You already broke the thin ice you’ve been traveling on, let’s try not to drown as well!”

“This isn’t right, (Y/n)-san! Where is Nezuko? Zenitsu? Inosuke? Murata?” Tanjirou spoke out, his voice heavy with emotion as he fought his way up to his knees.

“What I want to know is why we haven’t tied Tomioka or the Kinoe ranked slayer.” Obanai sneered from his tree, ignoring Tanjirou’s desperate tone. “They are both part of the boy’s schemes and should be punished as such. How are we going to teach them a lesson?”

“Oh they’ll be fine,” (Y/n) shivered hearing Shinobu speak above her from where she knelt in the pebbles, “we’ll come up with a penalty later.”

(Y/n) froze, her eyes refused to look up beyond the feet that stood before Tanjirou and herself.

“What I’m interested right now, is hearing this boy’s story.” Shinobu said. “He’s been traveling with a demon all this time, and I wish to hear why. It must be quite the tale to have Tomioka-san break ranks,” the feet take a step closer and Shinobu’s voice dropped in volume, “and you as well, (Y/n).”

(Y/n) tightened her grip over her pant leg, still refusing to look up. She could imagine an array of expressions her old friend could be wearing right now that could cut her deeper than any blade. Pity, anger, disgust, smugness, apathy, that blank smile... no, (Y/n) couldn’t bear to look up.

“So why, Kamado Tanjirou?” Shinobu asked.

“Who cares?” Uzui scoffed from a few yards away, yet he waited for the boy to explain himself.

“She’s my—“ he broke into a fit of coughs and (Y/n) tried to soothe his back, telling him to breathe.

Shinobu stooped down, a gourd of water in hand, offering the water to Tanjirou and finally catching (Y/n)’s eyes as the boy drank the medicated water. When Shinobu’s eyes returned to Tanjirou, (Y/n) remembered how to breathe.

“She’s my little sister!” Tanjirou proclaimed. “She’s never hurt anyone and she never will!”

A few of the Hashira began casting their doubt, but Tanjirou powered through.

“I became a slayer to find a cure for her! In two whole years since she became a demon, she’s never eaten a single person! Let her continue to fight by my side!”

“Well, well, looks like the fun’s already starting.”

(Y/n) turned her head and her breathing hitched. Of course the Wind Pillar of all people would get his hands on Nezuko’s box.

“Is this the boy who has been traveling with a demon? Just what the hell do you think you’re doing?” Shinazugawa asked with a sinister grin.

“Please put down the box Shinazugawa-sama!” The Kakushi (Y/n) recalled to have prior possession of the box pleaded.

“Shinazugawa, please do not act out of line.” Shinobu warned.

“Nah, run that by me again, kid?” Sanemi jeered, holding the box precariously in one hand, “fighting alongside a demon? Impossible, you idiot!”

Tanjirou and (Y/n) called out in horror as the Hashira rammed his blade clean through the box, skewering Nezuko.

Tanjirou scrambled to his feet and lunged at Sanemi, (Y/n) was about to get to her feet as well, but Shinobu held her firmly in place, clutching (Y/n)’s arm tightly while shooting her a warning glance.

(Y/n) could only watch, mouth agape, as Tanjirou head butted Shinazugawa to the ground.

Mitsuri attempted to stifle a snort, covering her face in her hands.

“If you can’t tell the difference between good demons and bad ones, then you don’t deserve to be a Hashira!” Tanjirou yelled.

“We’re doomed.” (Y/n) whispered weakly. She felt as if all her blood was sinking to her knees, sinking as fast as their chance of forgiveness down the drain.

Before Sanemi could retaliate, a couple of Oyakata-sama’s children announced the Master’s arrival. (Y/n) was quick to follow Shinobu in a bow, wincing when she heard what could only be Sanemi pounding Tanjirou into the rocks, forcing him to bow.

“Hello everyone,” Oyakata-sama addressed the garden, his voice carried in the warm breeze, “how good it feels to have you all here.”

Sanemi greeted the Master, formally asking for an explanation. If not for the seriousness of the moment, (Y/n) would have rolled her eyes.

“The Kamado siblings have been sanctioned, you see. I request you all respect that.” Oyakata stated simply.

An array of mostly negative objections arose at this ending with Sanemi calling for punishments for Tanjirou, (Y/n), and Giyuu.

The Master stood silently for a moment before asking one of his children to read a letter aloud. A letter from a previous Hashira, detailing Nezuko’s history. The letter also revealing that should Nezuko fail; Urokodaki, Tanjirou, and Giyuu would atone through seppuku.

A few of the Hashira were still willing to speak against such a plan, swearing that it was not a risk worth taking. Once there was a lull in their heated remarks,  Ubuyashiki saw fit to address (Y/n).

“(Y/n), my child.”

(Y/n)’s head jutted up at the sudden call of attention to her presence. “Ye— yes, Master?”

“Why do you think that of the squad that has been built around you, only you are here?” Oyakata-sama asked with an warm smile.

“I would suppose it would be because I should know better than a ragtag group of Mizunoto, Master.” came (Y/n)’s subdued reply.

“I would hope so.” The Master chuckled, causing heat to bloom across (Y/n)’s cheeks. “Why didn’t you kill the demon?”

“I was going to, but she proved herself to me,” (Y/n) began speaking more evenly as she recalled the moment, “I presented her with my blood, my rare blood, and she turned away. I have traveled with the Kamado siblings for weeks and not once had Nezuko hurt anyone. She protects people, she sleeps to replenish energy. Based on everything I have observed, I believe in Nezuko. I believe in Tanjirou.”

“Would you stake your life on this along with the others listed here today?” Oyakata-sama asked.

(Y/n) breathed in, firmly nodding her head. Her eyes meeting Ubuyashiki’s milky blank one’s despite his lack of vision.

“Yes, I would.”

Shinobu’s hold on (Y/n)’s bicep curled. (Y/n) hadn’t realized she had still been holding her down.

“And here we have three, now four, people willing to take responsibility for this demon. What say you, my children?” The Master asked the Hashira warmly.

“Forgive me Master, but this is not a matter of numbers!” Sanemi yelled, “Demons are sick creatures that need to be put down and I’ll prove it to you now!”

Sanemi sliced his arm, much more blood than (Y/n) had conjured with the small cut to her thumb that she had presented to Nezuko. She and Tanjirou watched as the blood dripped to the box, staining the lacquered wood.

“No good doing this in the light.” Obanai said, “it won’t come out unless it’s dark.”

Sanemi dashed to the shaded engawa, enticing Nezuko to come out with another stab at the box.

“No!” Tanjirou yelled, he made to scramble to the engawa, but was quickly subdued by Obanai.

“Stop!” (Y/n) echoed Tanjirou’s sentiments, pulling against Shinobu’s hold. “Why are you being so needlessly cruel?”

Sanemi ignored them, a wicked grin on his face as he watched Nezuko emerge from the box, growling lowly.

“Well then, demon?” He sneered, holding out his arm.

(Y/n) could tell Nezuko was straining against the pull of the marechi blood. With all of the injuries she had sustained working against her as well, it couldn’t be easy for the demon to hold back.

“Nezuko!” Tanjirou wheezed as Obanai was pincering his lung painfully with his elbow.

“Kamado-kun,” Shinobu addressed, “don’t struggle too much while in that hold, your lung might burst.”

Tanjirou only struggled harder, surprising everyone when he broke through his rope restraints and stumbled towards the engawa. Tomioka stopped Obanai from pinning him again.

“Nezuko!” Tanjirou called again.

His voice seemed to finally break through to Nezuko and after a few tense moments, she turned away from Sanemi in disgust.

(Y/n) couldn’t help the relieved smile that overtook her lips.

Once the scene was relayed to the Master, he seemed pleased with the report. He told Tanjirou that although Nezuko had done well to prove herself, they would need to grow even stronger before they could be fully accepted by the others. With that wisdom, he said they were free to go.

(Y/n) startled as Shinobu finally let her go, raising her arm to speak. “If all is well then Oyakata-sama, allow me to provide lodging for them.”

Both (Y/n) and Tanjirou seemed a bit wary of this sudden hospitality, (Y/n) even more so, but if Shinobu noticed or cared she didn’t show it, signaling the Kakushi who had been standing by to gather the injured boy and the demon.

The Kakushi tasked with carrying Nezuko seemed a bit frightened of the little demon kneeling in her box, so naturally (Y/n) rose to carry her instead.

“I’ve got her.” She smiled kindly and reached for the box and secured it shut, but not before giving the demon girl a few well earned head pats that rose Nezuko’s mood greatly.

Another Kakushi picked up Tanjirou then (Y/n) and the two Kakushi quickly made their retreat. That is, until Tanjirou bursted back into the garden asking to headbutt Sanemi.

“Please excuse us!” (Y/n) and the two Kakushi bowed deeply once they got him back under control and sped off twice as fast. (Y/n) and the Kakushi running beside her berated Tanjirou from where he sat on the other Kakushi’s back for such a disrespectful display after being allowed the impossible. 

When they reached the Butterfly Estate, (Y/n)’s heart squeezed in her chest. The grounds looked to be near the same as the night she had left. No one was there to greet them at the door, so they went around the gardens and found Kanao standing amongst the butterflies.

“Hi, Kanao.” (Y/n) greeted the younger girl bashfully. Now that they weren’t battling over keeping Nezuko’s head, (Y/n) finally took in how much she had grown in four years.

Kanao stayed silent, a serene smile on her lips as she merely observed the group that had approached her.

“What are you all here for?” A sharp voice called from behind them, causing the Kakushi to jump and spin to quickly explain they were here to put Tanjirou in the infirmary.

“Well then come with me...” Aoi’s words trailed off a bit once her eyes found (Y/n)’s face.

“Hi Aoi,” (Y/n) gave a nervous half wave, “you’ve gotten a bit taller.”

Aoi marched straight up to (Y/n) and berated her with a barrage of small fists pounding painlessly against her chest. “What would you expect after being gone so long!” She sniffed, “Four years without a single letter or visit? We thought you were dead, idiot!”

“(Y/n)-san? Do you know these people?” Tanjirou asked from Gotou’s back.

“Yeah, I uh, sorta used to live here.” (Y/n) replied, allowing Aoi to continue hitting her to her heart’s content.

“‘Sorta used to live here’, you’re family! You have always had a place here! Now come on, I’m sure Kiyo, Sumi, and Naho will have a bone to pick with you as well. And Shinobu-sama!” Aoi’s fist struck especially hard at the thought, “Shinobu-sama is going to have some choice words for you when she gets back I just know it!”

Aoi led them all inside, occasionally throwing a few more jabs into (Y/n)’s side to make sure she was really there. She didn’t admit that was what they were for of course, she played it off more as a punishment for disappearing for so long.

There was screaming coming from the infirmary and (Y/n) would have been worried if she hadn’t recognized the sound almost immediately.

“Zenitsu!” Tanjirou called excitedly.

While Tanjirou and poor Gotou were dealing with the sobbing, snotty boy, Aoi had dragged (Y/n) over to Kiyo who had been tending to Zenitsu only moments before.

“Look who finally decided to come home.” Aoi told the younger girl who looked up, tilting her head. (Y/n) almost thought Kiyo hadn’t recognized her. Being as young as she was, she wouldn’t have blamed her, but then she burst forward and hugged (Y/n) tightly around her waist.

“What’s going on in here? Hm, Aoi-san, Kiyo?”

Naho and Sumi had made their way into the infirmary with a basket of fresh linens and paused at the entryway for a moment before they realized who their friend was hugging and ran over to join her with tears in their eyes.

“(Y/n)-san, where have you been all this time?” Naho whimpered.

“Why didn’t you say anything before you left?” Sumi cried.

“I’m sorry,” (Y/n) knelt down to better hug them all, “I know it’s not enough to make up for anything, but I’m sorry for leaving like that. It wasn’t fair,” she looked up to meet Aoi’s stern blue eyes, “to any of you.”

“Well, make it up to us by sticking around from now on.” Aoi said, crossing her arms. “No more running away.”

“But...” (Y/n) was conflicted. Had Shinobu not told the girls why she had left? (Y/n) mustered up the best smile she could and nodded feebly. “All right.”

“(Y/n)-san, your box is... humming?” Sumi pointed at the wooden box.

“Oh, um, you see... in this box is my friend, Nezuko,” (Y/n) treaded carefully, not wishing to startle the girls too badly if she could help it.

“You have someone in a box?” Aoi barked, “well let them out for goodness sake!”

“It’s a little bright in here...” (Y/n) shifted her vision to where Tanjirou and Zenitsu were talking, catching sight of Inosuke as well. Poor boar boy looked like he’d seen better days. “And I’m not sure that Shinobu-” should she still speak of her so informally? “-would be pleased if I let her out without her blessing.”

“Why wouldn’t Shinobu-sama allow you to let someone out of a box?” Aoi rolled her eyes.

“It’s complicated. I’m sure she’ll want to talk to you all about it once she comes back. Until then, Nezuko will be fine in here.”

The girls, though incredulous, let the subject drop for now. Although, they couldn’t help but eye the box with suspicion. Once Tanjirou was settled in the infirmary, the butterfly girls dragged (Y/n) away to talk about the goings on of the last four years which soon devolved into hounding (Y/n) for her own stories to share, even Kanao had come by to sit and listen.

“...And that’s how I helped the fishing village take care of the demon that was lurking in the sea.”

“Tell us another one, (Y/n)-san!” The youngest girls pleaded, kicking their feet in the air behind them. They had migrated to lay flat on their stomachs as the stories progressed and watched (Y/n) recount her adventures with their heads propped up on their arms with rapt attention.

“I’m afraid that will have to wait for another time, it’s quite late you know.”

Everyone turned to the door to find Shinobu staring down at them. The youngest girls pouted a bit, trying to get a bit more time to stick around, but Shinobu held firm and directed them to their rooms.

“You’ll still be here tomorrow, right? (Y/n)-san?” Sumi asked from the doorway.

“I...” (Y/n) pulled at the sleeve of her uniform and subtly pursed her lips while trying to figure out how to proceed, to her surprise, Shinobu spoke up on her behalf.

“I promise you’ll see her in the morning. Now of to bed. (Y/n) and I have much to discuss.”

The thought of having a prolonged conversation with Shinobu sent shivers through (Y/n)’s spine. Once all the girls were well out of sight, Shinobu redirected her attention to (Y/n).

“Let’s drop off your cargo first,” Shinobu said, motioning to the box sitting beside (Y/n), “I’ve arranged a room and Kamado-kun has been wondering where his... sister, has been.”

“Of course.” (Y/n) stood, shouldering the box.

Apparently the room was rather far. (Y/n) felt as if the silence between them was slowly eating at her until she finally decided to speak. For better or for worse.

“You’ve taken all of this extraordinarily well,” (Y/n) commented, testing the waters.

“Mm, I’d like to hold off on any conversation until we drop off the demon. Use this time to gather any thoughts, if you have them that is.”

(Y/n)’s brow furrowed slightly, eyes narrowed. She was sure that was some kind of dig at her intelligence, but she held her tongue.

They dropped off Nezuko, (Y/n) and Tanjirou bid each other good night, and then (Y/n) was led to an all too familiar space, the lab.

Shinobu motioned for (Y/n) to sit at one of the less cluttered tables while she closed the door firmly behind them. (Y/n) would have been lying if she said she wasn’t even just a tad bit concerned by the setting of this ‘talk’ that was about to unfold. Finally, Shinobu took the stool across from her on the other side of the table. She laced her fingers together, using them to prop up her chin as her endlessly amethyst eyes bore into (Y/n)’s. That ghostly smile seemingly perfected after four years of separation, had (Y/n)’s hands clench into fists under the table.

“So,” Shinobu began, her voice deceptively sweet, “when exactly do you think it was when you completely lost your mind?”

“Excuse me?” (Y/n)’s eye twitched.

“Defending a demon, offering up your own life for a demon to live... how insanely idiotic. I thought you were smarter than that. I suppose it had been.. four years, was it? Four years since you ran off. And I thought that was the most careless thing you could ever do. You really have outdone yourself!”

“Stop,” (Y/n) had heard enough of these little jabs and she new well enough Shinobu could go all day as long as she hadn’t changed too drastically in their time apart. However, Shinobu powered through.

“Everyone was devastated when you left you know. We were a family and you just up and left in the middle of the night without a word so soon after—“ After Kanae, “Now you’re putting everything on the line for some demon? You’re a coward. A selfish coward.”

(Y/n) was really angry now. She stood up so fast her stool clattered to the ground behind her. She slammed her hands against the table and stared furiously into Shinobu’s placid expression, though she could detect a hint of a heated spark in those deep purple eyes.

“Don’t act like you’re so innocent in all of this! You told me to leave! You want to judge me for trusting Nezuko with my life, fine! But I only did what you commanded of me when I left. You don’t get to say I just fucked off because you think I didn’t care enough!”

Shinobu had the nerve to chuckle, though no trace of humor was there, as she slowly rose to her own feet and assumed a similar stance over the table as (Y/n).

“Did you really think when I said that, when I told you to leave the lab, I meant I wanted you to walk out of my life?” Shinobu asked seriously.

“I didn’t know what you wanted! You weren’t the same person anymore! Don’t try telling me that it wasn’t what you wanted either, you never came looking for me. You never sent your crow. Tell me you weren’t ecstatic when you woke up that morning and didn’t have to deal with me anymore!”

Shinobu slapped her own hand against the table, a vein pulsed painfully under the skin of her forehead. She opened her mouth to retort, poisoned words ready to lash out with a flick of her tongue, but as luck would have it, a Kakushi nervously called from the other side of the door.

“Kochou-sama, the treatments for the, uh, despiderfication of the slayers from Natagumo Mountain are ready to be carried out with your supervision.”

Shinobu closed her eyes, breathing in deeply before opening them again and looking significantly more drained.

“I see. Please inform the others that I’ll be there in a few moments.”

“Right away, Kochou-sama.”

As the footsteps pattered away, (Y/n) fixed her stool upright before heading in the direction of the door, assuming she and Shinobu were done talking, or screaming rather. (Y/n) was surprised to feel Shinobu grasp her hand as she tried to pass by.

“You remember where your room is, right?” Shinobu asked, the undertones of her voice still taut with anger.

(Y/n) too tired to fight on, responded simply with a mute nod.

“I had the Kakushi clean it earlier today. Everything should still be as you left it.”

Shinobu let go of (Y/n)’s hand and it immediately felt cold. The Hashira opened the lab door and stepped out into the hallway, her back to (Y/n) as she made her last parting statement.

“If you know what is good for you, you won’t step a foot outside of estate grounds without speaking to me first.”

“And if I don’t?” (Y/n) asked just to be obstinate.

“Then I guess I’ll have to hunt you down for sport.” Shinobu quickly replied, turning to face (Y/n) just to show her how serious she was.

(Y/n) couldn’t help the weak guffaw that left her lips. To hear such a threat delivered by such a soothing tone was practically oxymoronic.

Shinobu lingered for a moment longer before gliding off to see to her patients while (Y/n) turned down the opposite end of the hallway and traveled down a few more to find herself standing outside of her old room. She opened the door, the space was clean as Shinobu promised. She closed the door softly behind her, blocking off the light from the hall. There would be time to be sentimental in the morning. Right now, between the Mountain, the trial and the emotional battle with the Insect Hashira herself, (Y/n) was exhausted. She scooted her way into the freshly made futon and fell asleep with the nostalgic smell of wisteria petals drifting through her airways.

***

(Y/n) awoke around mid-morning to the sun shining through her window. She stretched and got dressed, her fingers pausing over the last few buttons of her uniform as she glanced over the desk.

The butterfly hair clip she had once worn with pride sat in front of her. It appeared to be left untouched by time. Not even a speck of dust adorned the colorful wings. She reached out to it, but her fingers curled just before she touched it. She pulled her hand back as a knock sounded on the door.

“Yes?”

“It’s Aoi.” A voice called from the other side.

(Y/n) quickly took the last few steps needed to reach the door and slid it open to greet Aoi but before she could, the stern girl stepped inside and pulled the door shut again.

“Were you and Shinobu-sama fighting last night?” She asked hurriedly.

“Where did you hear that?” (Y/n) answered the question with one of her own.

“The Kakushi are partial to gossip. Now what did you do!” Aoi huffed, jabbing (Y/n)’s shoulder.

“Why does it have to be me? Shinobu was the one who started it!” (Y/n) backed up, rubbing her shoulder.

“You two better make up soon. It will hurt Naho, Sumi and Kiyo if they find out you’re still mad at each other,” Aoi crossed her arms over her chest.

“It’s not that easy, Aoi. It’s been four years. It’s not all going to go away overnight.”

“Do I have to do everything around here?” Aoi grumbled to herself, passing a hand over her face. “I’ll help you, but you better try to be civil.”

“Aoi, I don’t need help. I’m sorry that fight got back to you. If Shinobu and I talk again, I promise I’ll try harder to keep my temper in check, okay?”

Aoi sighed and shook her head, “Fine. That wasn’t what I had come to talk to you about anyway.”

“Oh,” (Y/n) tilted her head, “then what is it?”

“Your friends,” Aoi pinched the bridge of her nose, “they’re driving me crazy. I need you to get the blonde and the boar to participate in recovery training.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” (Y/n) answered with slight reluctance. She knew just how difficult those two could be.

Aoi and (Y/n) arrived at the room that was being used for the boys’ recovery training. Tanjirou was already working hard, trying to catch Kanao in a game of tag, while Zenitsu and Inosuke watched from the corner with bitter disinterest.

“Hey,” (Y/n) addressed the younger teens, “what’s the problem? Don’t you guys want to get better? Stronger?”

“It’s pointless.” Inosuke weakly answered.

“(Y/n)-san, this training is too difficult!” Zenitsu cried.

(Y/n) dodged the weepy blonde’s attempts at hugging her and bonked him on the head with the side of her fist.

“I feel no sympathy for you. Aoi and the others are working really hard to get you back in fighting shape, the least you could do is put a little bit of effort in!” (Y/n) crossed her arms, “before you know it, Tanjirou will leave you both in the dust. Do you really want that?”

Zenitsu and Inosuke grunted, still refusing to budge. (Y/n) motioned for Naho to hand her a cup of medicated water and promptly splashed its contents all over the boys.

“What was that for?” Zenitsu screeched.

“Want revenge? Come take me on.” (Y/n) motioned to the table of cups.

Naho, Sumi and Kiyo made small sounds of excitement, trying to encourage the boys, but they just grumbled and walked back to the infirmary.

“You guys are going to regret walking away!” (Y/n) called after them. “Let me know when you are done moping and want to get back to work!”

“Oh my.” Shinobu giggled as she walked in, watching Zenitsu and Inosuke sulk past her.

Shinobu turned to observe the room, pausing at (Y/n). Her eyes flickered down at (Y/n)’s chest and stayed there long enough for the other slayer to notice.

“What?” (Y/n) had grumbled mostly to herself as she followed Shinobu’s gaze downward. Heat shot to her face immediately as she realized she had forgotten to finish buttoning her uniform after Aoi distracted her. It wasn’t showing a lot, just her collar bones and a bit of her chest, but it was still jarring. With a strangled chirp, she quickly buttoned her uniform the rest of the way.

“Oh please, no need to cover up on my account.” Shinobu easily teased, though she felt a bit embarrassed to have been caught staring. She wasn’t entirely sure why her vision gravitated there to begin with.

After a few false starts, (Y/n) finally choked out, “what do you want?”

“I need Kanao and Aoi to help me gather more herbs for spider demon antidotes, not that it’s any of your business.”

“Kochou-sama,” Aoi interjected before (Y/n) could retaliate, “Kanao and I are helping Tanjirou complete his recovery training for the day. I’ve asked (Y/n)-san to fill in for us and she has readily agreed to take our place.”

(Y/n) gave Aoi a look, prompting the younger girl to pinch at (Y/n)’s side discreetly. A message to keep her mouth shut. Kanao simply blinked, twisting on the ball of her foot to dodge another one of Tanjirou’s lunges.

“Very well then, keep up (Y/n). I hope you still remember a thing or two about plants in that thick skull of yours,” Shinobu glided past (Y/n) to step out onto the engawa, “though I wouldn’t be too surprised if all of that knowledge fell out of your head along with your common sense.”

(Y/n) opened her mouth before shutting it firmly closed. Remembering that the younger girls were there and what Aoi had asked of her, she pursed her lips and silently fell into step beside the Hashira, walking with her to the nearby forest where the herbs they needed flourished.

“You recall what Aralia Cordata looks like, correct?” Shinobu asked once they were well within the trees.

“Yeah, kind of hard to miss that shrub if you know what you’re looking for.” (Y/n) groused.

“Fine, fine. Don’t come crying to me if you touch something poisonous.”

“I won’t. Won’t touch anything poisonous I mean. Because I know what I’m doing.”

“Are you telling me that or are you just trying to reassure yourself?”

(Y/n) chose not to reply, instead she split off from Shinobu to one of the shrubs in question and began harvesting a few leafy tendrils from it. Before long, her basket was filled and she turned just in time to see Shinobu turn back to her own bush, pretending to examine one of the tendrils she had cut.

“You know,” (Y/n) sighed as she stood back to her full height, “Aoi only made me come here in her stead because that fight we had last night got back to her. She expects us to make up.”

“Mm, I figured it was something like that,” Shinobu hummed, “I do believe that for once, she is too optimistic in that regard.”

“Well, you never did like admitting when you were wrong,” (Y/n) shrugged, “or saying you’re sorry. It’s comforting to know you haven’t completely destroyed your old personality.”

“And what exactly have I been wrong about, (Y/n)?” Shinobu’s forehead pulsed, “what exactly have I done that requires an apology?”

“You lie to everyone Shinobu. You hide behind plastic smiles pretending to be someone you’re not to fill a void. Saying your fine and shrugging everyone off while holding them at arm's length. When I tried to talk to you, you pushed me away and told me to leave. You were dismissive, cold.”

(Y/n) wrapped her arms around herself as if a chilling wind overcame her. Continuing on, she spoke lowly before Shinobu could speak her denial.

“Not to say that I don’t have my own fault in all of this. Even if I thought you really wanted me gone that night, I should have fought harder for you. I knew you were hurting, but I gave up and left anyway. That is something I’ve thought about a lot in our time apart and I regret it every day because you were worth fighting for.”

(Y/n) blew out a harsh breath of air, running a hand over her scalp she made her closing statement.

“If there was one thing you were right about last night, it’s that I’m a coward and I’m sorry that I didn’t try harder.”

(Y/n) chanced a look at Shinobu’s face. The Hashira’s eyes rounded and her mouth was ever so slightly agape. The silence hung in the air until a sweet wisteria breeze swept through the trees and (Y/n) cleared her throat and looked away.

“So if we could at least pretend to get along for the sake of the girls, I think Aoi would appreciate it.” (Y/n) added before reaching down to collect her basket. A sudden noise, like air being rapidly released through one’s nose, came from behind (Y/n) and she paused in her movements to glance back at Shinobu who was looking down at the leaf she was worrying between her fingers.

“I... apologize, for pushing you away in such a way that made you think you had to exile yourself. It was also cruel of me to say you didn’t care about us when I knew that you thought of this place as your home. I was trying to hurt you back and that was wrong of me. I’m sorry.” Shinobu solemnly said.

Now it was (Y/n)’s turn to stare. Soon, Shinobu leveled a cocky smile and stood with her basket of leaves and a few other miscellaneous plants she gathered.

“Looks like you were wrong about my ability to apologize, hm?” She said.

“Shut up. Don’t ruin the moment.” (Y/n) smiled, reaching for her own basket.

The atmosphere surrounding the girls leaving the forest felt a lot more relaxed than it had upon entering.

***

Days turned into weeks and everything seemed so much better after. It was still awkward at times, but (Y/n) and Shinobu were finding their rhythm again. There was still a little hostility at times, but rather than avoid each other, they talked it out. It was almost frightening how in sync they were when they were working well together.

(Y/n) split her time between helping Shinobu with the slayers turned spiders and helping the younger girls train Tanjirou. She was elated by the boy’s progress as he finally managed to catch Kanao. She had noticed Zenitsu and Inosuke lurking nearby and gestured to the room. Now that they knew recovery training was possible and Tanjirou was leaving them in the dust, the rambunctious boys finally felt the need to catch up with their comrade’s progress.

Before long, the boys were well enough to continue the training on their own and (Y/n) found herself spending more and more time with Shinobu. They would spend hours talking or saying nothing at all, just enjoying each other’s company while they worked away on medicines and poisons.

It didn’t take long for (Y/n) to notice the difference. How Shinobu took up more than her fair share of space in (Y/n)’s thoughts. Even just catching sight of her across the garden was starting to make (Y/n)’s heart leap. On the occasion Shinobu would spot her she’d smile and wave, making (Y/n)’s heart stop all together before kicking into overdrive. The lingering touches and whispered words Shinobu would share with her as they worked in the lab certainly didn’t help either. Just when (Y/n) had thought they finally found their dynamic... Why was it changing again already?

(Y/n) was telling Naho, Sumi and Kiyo the story of how she met Tanjirou and Nezuko while she patted the demon’s head. Ever since Nezuko had woken up, the younger girls, though skittish at first, had grown to be fascinated and even enamored with her. As (Y/n) retold the tale, Nezuko humming happily at her side, Shinobu happened upon the group.

“I’m afraid we’ll have to cut this session short. Tanjirou and the others are ready to get back out on the road now. Something about joining Rengoku-san on his next mission.”

“How did I not here about this plan sooner?” (Y/n) frowned.

“That’s a question best suited for Tanjirou to answer I suppose.” Shinobu replied rather emotionlessly, concerning (Y/n).

So while everyone else was getting ready to leave, (Y/n) pulled Tanjirou aside and asked him what was going on.

“I didn’t tell you we were leaving because I hope you’ll stay and continue to rebuild the relationships you have here, (Y/n)-san. I appreciate everything you’ve done for Nezuko and I, and now I hope to return the favor.” Tanjirou smiled brightly.

“And how do you figure you’re doing that?” (Y/n) crossed her arms.

“Because the longer you get to stay here, the more time you get to spend with Shinobu-san! I can smell that you two want to be together more now than ever.”

“You and your nose I swear,” heat radiated off of (Y/n)’s cheeks, “I think you have intuition and that sense mixed up.”

Tanjirou merely laughed in response.

“So, you guys think you’ll really be okay without me? You’ll stay out of trouble?”

“Don’t worry, (Y/n)-san! We’ll see each other again soon!” Tanjirou beamed.

(Y/n) smiled in return and they rejoined the send off.

“Where did Shinobu-san go?” Tanjirou wondered.

(Y/n) looked around and sure enough, the Pillar was nowhere to be seen.

“She must have had something urgent to attend to,” she answered, making a note to search for her later.

(Y/n) stood out in the garden until the loud group disappeared into the trees and their shouts could no longer be heard over the rustling of the leaves. She took a moment to stare out into the clear blue sky before returning inside.

(Y/n) was going to go look for Shinobu, but she wanted to go to her room to change her uniform first since Zenitsu had snotted all over it in his tearful goodbye.

She opened the door and was surprised to find Shinobu already inside. Shinobu’s back was turned to her as she quickly ran a sleeve over her face. She cleared her throat before facing back with a weak smile.

“(Y/n), forget something?”

“Huh?” (Y/n) blinked, still trying to process why Shinobu might have just been tearing up in her room of all places.

“The others must be ready to leave now. You better pick up what you needed so they don't have to wait too long.”

“They already left, Shinobu.” (Y/n) explained. “I hadn’t planned on going with them.”

“Oh.” Shinobu turned to look outside the window of (Y/n)’s room, hoping the blood that buzzed in her cheeks hadn’t burned its way to her ears as well.

“Shinobu, is something wrong?” (Y/n) tested.

“I just feel a bit silly now I suppose.” Shinobu admitted, bringing a slight smile to (Y/n)’s face with her honesty. “I thought you were gone again.”

“Well, I wouldn’t leave without a proper goodbye, not again.” (Y/n) came up beside Shinobu, intending to give her hand a comforting squeeze when she felt something other than skin instead. Looking down she saw her old butterfly clip in Shinobu’s hand, a quick look at the empty spot at her desk confirmed it.

Shinobu noticed that (Y/n) had noticed and rose the hairclip up between them with a subdued exhale.

“You know, every morning I wonder if it will be the morning you feel comfortable enough to wear this again.” Shinobu said, twirling the insect in her fingers. “When I thought you were gone and I saw this still sitting on your desk, it brought me back to places I’d rather not think about.”

“I’m sorry,” (Y/n) rested her hand over the back of Shinobu’s haori, “I just haven’t felt... I don’t know, worthy of it? I didn’t intend to make you feel bad.”

A small puff of air left Shinobu’s nose at the words. “It isn’t a matter of worth, it’s about whether or not you feel like you belong here again. Whether or not you’re comfortable here.”

“Agree to disagree.” (Y/n) joked. “But if it makes you feel better, I’m glad I get to spend more time here. I’ve been happier in these last few weeks than in the last few years.”

“I’m glad.” Shinobu watched a couple of butterflies flutter against the window before turning back to the garden. “And if you insist on it being a matter of worth, you are more than worthy. It’s not even a question to me.”

“Thank you.” (Y/n) simpered. Her breathing hitched slightly when Shinobu reached up to run her fingers through a loose lock of (Y/n)’s hair.

“Would you let me do your hair?” Shinobu asked softly.

“I’d like that.” (Y/n) whispered.

Shinobu guided (Y/n) back to the desk and sat her down on the chair. She freed (Y/n)’s hair from its plain hair band and quietly ran a brush through her locks with such softness that (Y/n) felt like she might fall asleep. Shinobu gathered the hair in her hands and styled it as she wished, clipping it together with the butterfly hair clip. Shinobu checked over her work, her hands resting on (Y/n)’s shoulders.

“You look perfect.” (Y/n) shivered. She hadn’t expected Shinobu’s lips to be so close to her ear. Neither had she expected the lips to ghost over her cheek in a light kiss.

“I just remembered I have a meeting I need to attend. You’ll help the girls with the infirmary won’t you?”

(Y/n) had almost forgotten how to speak but managed to pull it together. “Of course! I’ll, um, see you when you get back?”

“Perhaps,” Shinobu removed her hands from (Y/n)’s shoulders, “I won’t be back until late though.”

“Okay.”

A shy hug (in slightly awkward positioning due to the gross state of the Kinoe’s uniform, courtesy of Zenitsu) and Shinobu parted ways with (Y/n). (Y/n) met up with the girls in the infirmary and was almost immediately met with a chorus of cheers from Naho, Kiyo and Sumi when they noticed her hair. Aoi and Kanao smiled at the sight as well. A full day of caring for the infirmary made (Y/n) excited to finally get into bed for the night.

She awoke with a scream caught in her throat. Old demons had visited her in her sleep. As she worked to calm her heart, she noticed the light of the full moon streaming through her window. With a few more deep breaths she sat up from her futon and wrapped her haori around her shoulders.

Quietly exiting her room, she padded through the halls until she found her way to the kitchen, a smile pulled at her lips when she found Shinobu already there boiling water.

“Rough night?” Shinobu asked. She was also in her bed wear, her hair hanging loose from its usual style.

“Yes,” (Y/n) moved to stand beside her, “it’s been awhile since the last one I had.”

“How did you deal with that when you were on the road?”

“I would buy little sacks of tea leaves as I went. On bad nights or whenever sleep eluded me I’d boil up some water and try a new blend. Yours was always the best though.”

“I was already going to make you a cup, no need for flattery.”

“No flattery here. Just the truth.” (Y/n) swore, making Shinobu’s smile just a tad fuller.

Shinobu finished preparing the cups and as (Y/n) took hers about ready to leave, the Hashira asked her to wait.

“It’s a full moon tonight. Want to watch the stars for a moment?” Shinobu asked.

“I’d love to.” (Y/n) nodded.

The pair walked outside along the engawa until they had a pleasant view of the full brightness of the moon. They sat along the engawa’s edge, letting their legs dangle as they sipped their tea in the drowning noise of cicada and cricket songs.

(Y/n) chanced a glance at Shinobu in her periphery and marveled at how the moonlight highlighted her skin to the point where she almost appeared to be glowing. The way it reflected off of her eyes was absolutely enchanting. (Y/n) forced her attention back on the sky. Though beautiful it seemed to pale in comparison to the girl next to her.

As her eyes traced over the larger craters of the moon, she thought back on an old saying she had read at one of the inns she had frequented. An old, battered collection of pages that she read through when sleep didn’t come. She had read that particular work quite a few times.

She wondered if perhaps Shinobu had read it too. Though more likely the girl had her face buried in medical texts than anything else. (Y/n) then wondered, if perhaps she could get away with saying it. A confession without consequence, but on the off change that Shinobu was knowledgeable on the old text it could damage the progress they had made in healing their relationship. Perhaps it would be better to just enjoy the moment. (Y/n) took another sip of tea.

“The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?”

(Y/n) nearly choked on her tea, spluttering and coughing as she tried in vein to stop herself. Finally she managed to calm down only to notice how intently Shinobu was staring at her.

Had she meant that literally? Shinobu was looking at (Y/n) so expectantly, but it could easily just be because she had nearly blacked out from inhaling her tea!

“...It is.” (Y/n) finally answered hiding her face in her cup, looking at neither Shinobu nor the moon.

Another long silence filled by the chirps of insects enjoying the humid night air. (Y/n) had finished her tea and set her cup to her right, her free hand that had been resting between Shinobu and herself was soon covered by a cool and calloused touch.

(Y/n) shyly turned her head to meet the Pillar’s gaze and jumped a bit when her nose unexpectedly brushed against Shinobu’s.

“The moon is beautiful tonight, isn’t it?” Shinobu repeated barely above a whisper. She was not pulling away.

(Y/n) felt her throat dry and she wished she had just one more swallow of tea left. With a slight quiver in her lips, she responded. Doing her best to stay focused on the purple irises before her.

“Yes,” she answered with a slight nod, careful not to bump head with Shinobu, “it is.”

“(Y/n)?” Shinobu called to her, cupping her face gently with the hand that wasn’t already resting on top of (Y/n)’s.

“Y.. yes?”

“Would you kiss me if I asked?” Shinobu murmured, filling (Y/n)’s senses with a dizzying wisteria scent. The slayer didn’t even try to talk herself out of answering such a query as the thumb of Shinobu’s hand swiped the corner of her lips.

“Yes.” She replied, nearly breathless already and her pupils blown wide.

“(Y/n), please kiss me.”

It was all too easy to lean in when they were already sitting so closely. The hand Shinobu had been using to cup her cheek weaved through the hair at the back of (Y/n)’s head, pulling her closer yet as their lips met a bit clumsily in buzzing, mind numbing bliss. (Y/n)’s free hand, the one not currently being clutched in a near death grip over the wooden floor, found home at the back of Shinobu’s neck, lightly massaging the skin there.

They broke apart a few times but the breaths they took were quick and few. Eventually they rested against each other while their abused lungs burned with a hunger for oxygen.

“I have wanted to do that for longer than I’d like to admit.” Shinobu quietly confessed, twisting a lock of (Y/n)’s hair though her fingers.

“Even when we were fighting?” (Y/n) joked, rubbing the back of Shinobu’s neck with her thumb.

“Strangely enough, yes. There were times when I thought about doing it just to shut you up. Though I didn’t dare allow myself to entertain the thought for long.”

(Y/n) chuckled and leaned in to steal another kiss, much less heated then the last few and much quicker as a chorus of surprised gasps made them pull apart and turn around.

“They kissed! They’re kissing!” Sumi cheered while Aoi tried to quiet her and push her back into the mansion.

Sumi and Kiyo emerged from the doorway that Shinobu had left open when she and (Y/n) first came out into the moonlight and were immediately hounding them for confirmation.

“We missed it! Do it again!” Kiyo pleaded.

“It’s like a fairy tale!” Naho cheered.

“You three!” Aoi grumbled with embarrassment. “Kanao, help me out here!”

Kanao looked between Aoi, the rowdy girls, then her sister and senpai, before settling on a nice golf clap of congratulations. This made Aoi lightly smack herself in the face and completely give up on trying to rein in the younger children.

“My, what are you all doing up I wonder?” Shinobu smiled.

“We wanted to watch the moon too Shinobu-sama! Aoi-san even made tea!” Naho clapped.

“But it’s clear you’re, busy, with something and we should go back inside.” Aoi rushed.

“Nonsense, it’s a lovely night. These things are best experienced with those you care about, don’t you all agree?”

“Yes!” Three excited voices readily agreed before wiggling in between the older girls with light blankets and their tea.

Aoi grumbled a half hearted reminder to be careful with the tea before sitting down beside (Y/n) with her own cup. Kanao took a seat beside Shinobu, lightly kicking her feet over the engawa as she started up silently at the moon.

They stayed up for hours, naming constellations, spotting shooting stars, and listening for the occasional loud croak of a far off frog in the thick of the cicadas and crickets.

Dawn wasn’t too far off when Naho, Sumi and Kiyo fell asleep. (Y/n), Shinobu and Kanao each picked one up and returned them to their rooms. Aoi gathered the discarded cups and helped with the doors before bidding the older girls goodnight, Kanao trailing behind her.

“What a lively night. I’m afraid chores will suffer tomorrow.” Shinobu mused as she walked (Y/n) back to her room.

“We’ll figure it out.” (Y/n) said, shyly brushing her hand against Shinobu’s and smiling when Shinobu laced their fingers together.

Once at (Y/n)’s room Shinobu raised (Y/n)’s hand to her lips with a smirk, planting a kiss on battle worn knuckles.

“This is where I leave you. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

“Why does that feel too long?” (Y/n) laughed quietly.

“I’m not sure, you’d think after four years of bitter silence a couple of hours would be a walk in the park.” Shinobu chuckled in return.

“I guess we just have a lot of time to make up for, huh?”

“Mm, that is a plausible line of reasoning,” Shinobu hummed, a spark growing in her eyes, “might I trouble you for one more kiss before I retire to my room?”

“I was hoping you’d ask.”

(Y/n) hardly got the words out before Shinobu was on her. Four kisses later and they pulled away with matching grins.

“I’ll see you in my dreams.” Shinobu added one last peck before pulling away.

“As will I.”

***

Well into the next morning (Y/n) awoke energized and ready to fight the world. She changed into a fresh uniform and pinned her hair with care, straightening the butterfly pin before rushing out of her room to begin her day with the young woman who had gifted it to her.

[mn0tes]

TATTLE GAMES🐮

⚠️May contain SPOILERS of The Promised Neverland (TPN) ⚠️

“Let’s run away together”

What is the “Identity V” mobile game?

Identity V is a survival horror multiplayer game designed for children 12 +. The story revolves around a detective who is solving a mystery behind a sinister game held within an abandoned manor. The game setup revolves around matches between 4 survivors and 1 hunter or 8 survivors and 2 hunters (depending on the mode). Basically to win, the hunter must kill 3 or 6 survivors or at least 3 or 6 survivors must escape before the game ends. The player can level up his/her characters by playing and winning matches. The rewards earned from the games can be used to upgrade the skill of the characters, receive items, obtain costumes, and many more.

Why I advice TPN fans to play this game and participate in the event?

If you are an avid TPN fan, I advice you to start playing this game before the “The Promised Neverland” crossover event takes place sometime in February or early Spring of 2021 but the exact date is yet to be announced. I just estimated those dates based on the deadline of the pre-registration. In my opinion, to fully enjoy this event, you’ve got to be familiar with the controls, mechanics, and intensity of the game before the awaited event so that it wouldn’t surprise you. 😉 Let me tell you, the game is intense especially for gamers who aren’t used to this genre. It’s an adrenaline pumping game that involves a lot of running around, hide and seek, and prompt decision making that will get new users addicted to it. All I can say is, a good battle strategy comes in handy in these games. Sounds familiar? Yeah! Just like in TPN, your practically playing tag with your enemy. Your strategy as a killer or a survivor matters a lot if you want to win and reap the rewards of your victory. For me, this game reminds me a lot of the Goldy Pond Battle Arc but unlike in the Manga, the number of players (hunters and survivors) are greater in TPN. Emma and the other survivor’s task is different compared to the game because they have to stay alive within the alloted killing time instead of just deciphering machines and activating exits to escape the game area. In Emma‘s case though, they are literally trapped and living in Goldy Pond, the bloody arena! They can’t escape! I’m excited to see how this plays out in the event because NetEase Inc. might alter the basic mechanics of the game to follow the main story of TPN so it’s something to look forward to. Another thing to look forward to are the costumes, items, and other rewards that are based on the TPN characters that you all love and cherish!!! 🥳 HOW COOL IS THAT! 🤩 Fans may get a chance to earn Grace Field costumes or maybe an Emma sleeve. 😭 I’m looking forward on seeing an Emma-looking survivor doll running away from a Leuvis-looking hunter doll or maybe a Norman-looking survivor doll rescuing an Emma-looking survivor doll. 😍 Heck, I think it’s the other way around but it’s still soooo CUTE. 🥲

How do I take part in this event?

It’s easy, just bind your game ID number in the pre-registration page. It’s totally free too!

How do I obtain a game ID number?

The game ID can be obtained if your already an Identity V player. The game ID number is shown underneath your user name in the settings menu. If your not a player, you need to download the mobile game first and start the game. Don’t worry, your not going to be thrown in the killing arena right off the bat.

What is the Manor IQ Test?

The Manor IQ Test is a teaser game for fans to enjoy while waiting for the crossover event. It’s a super hard, time pressured IQ Test that enables fans to experience the difficulty level of the test the premium cattle kids have to take every morning. I advice switching on the sound effects because it adds up to the creepy factor and the pressure of getting a perfect score. 😰

How to get a perfect score in the Manor IQ Test to avoid getting shipped out?

If your a fan of the series, you know the importance of getting a perfect score in every test. Perfect score = another day to live (in their case, it’s 3 months to live until the time when they turn 12 and their hard earn scores are deemed useless). 🤬

I feel you Ray 😣 so, I’m sharing the answer key to you guys. 🤫 Following this will ensure you to earn a “perfect scorer” title. 😬

Several Survivors stand in a line. If the Explorer is 15th in line counting from both left and right, how many Survivors are in the line? Answer: 29

Emily is older than Martha, and both of their ages contain the number "2". The sum of the two numbers in Martha's age is less than 4, Martha is two years younger than Emma, and the sum of these three ladies' ages is 74. How old are Emily, Martha, and Emma? Answer: 32, 20, and 22

What number completes the pattern? Answer: 16

There is a box in front of you that contains an abundance of perfume, syringes, and flashlights. You can only get one item from the box each time you open it. How many times do you need to open the box to guarantee two of the same item? Answer: 4

What number completes this pattern? Answer: 3

Figure 1 (front view) and Figure 2 (top-down view) are two views of a structure built with cubes of the same size. At least how many cubes are used to build this structure? Answer: 17

Mike the Acrobat has 6 juggling balls- 2 black, 2 white, 2 red. The Mind's Eye takes 4 random juggling balls out of his room each time and always puts one back before taking another. After four entries/exits, what are the chances of her getting 2 black juggling balls, 1 white juggling ball, and 1 red juggling ball? Answer: 4/27

Which figure completes the pattern? (circle, triangle, and square ver.) Answer: (the first option) square, triangle, and circle.

Fold Cowboy's lasso twice and cut it from the middle. How many sections are there? Answer: 5

Survivors A, B, and C have different professions; one is a lawyer, one is a magician, and one is a painter. The Hunters made guesses about who does what: Hell Ember: A is the painter, and B is the lawyer. Bloody Queen: A is the lawyer, and C is the painter. The Ripper: A is the magician, and B is the painter. It turns out that each of them was right about one of the survivors. Therefore, what is the correct profession for each Survivor? Answer: A. Magician, B. Lawyer, C. Painter

Which figure completes the pattern? (boxes and lines ver.) Answer: (the last option) square with a horizontal line in the middle

Each icon below represents a number. What is the sum of the three icons? Answer: 8

How many sides are there when a tetrahedron is attached to an equilateral square pyramid with the sides that share the same area? Answer: 5

Based on the information below, what is YY? Answer: 0

What figure completes the pattern? Answer: (the third option) The triangle with four triangles in the center

After getting your score, make sure to scroll down to unlock the special chapter.

Enjoy and Be creeped out!

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Because the reality is you’ve been shipped out!

Yes! That’s the hard truth the TPN characters faced. The scores didn’t matter! At the end of the day, their still meat, a merchandise that must be consumed. The demons and caretakers gave them false hope that there is a way out, a chance to have a future but holding on to that illusion and fake happiness will lead the kids to their doom. It’s such a cruel world! I hope that they will be able to capture that sad reality of deception in the upcoming event and I know they will. The other dilemma that’s been perfectly portrayed in this game is “Work together vs Betray your comrades to ensure your safety”. Have you ever wondered why it’s not required for all 4 survivors to escape the game? Well, it’s just practical and realistic that way, right? But it also mean that the three players can offer up their last teammate as sacrifice to distract the hunter while they escape. (Just like what Ray thought during the Jail break Arc, he was willing to be the bait to distract Mama while the others escape.)

I’m looking forward in seeing you in the game as my teammate or AS MY VICTIM!!! Don’t worry, I’m still learning the game so I’m usually a dumb hunter or an airhead teammate. 😓 (Sorry but I’m working on it!)

If you noticed my username “MN0tes” in the game, be kind enough and let me know maybe we can even create a group or something. 😎

[fallenrepublick]

I'm horny for maul tonight (who am i kidding every night), so I'm requesting Maul smut where reader is taking a shower and maul just decides to drop in 👀👀

Girl, lemme tell you, I am horny for Maul during literally all hours of the day, so I feel that. Also, I dig this request, because shower sex is something I’ve been wanting to try writing, so thank you.

Warnings: Fingering, generally nsfw, because duh

It had been quite a day for you.

Not only did every limb ache from the grueling training you had undertaken for one reason or another, but your consistent worrying about where your beloved Sith Lord was all day had sent a pounding headache into your brain that you desired to be rid of as soon as physically possible.

The bathroom in your current house was surprisingly large, with twin sinks on dark marble counters against the far wall, with a wide window tinted enough to allow you to see out, but to deny others any vision into the room. The walls were a dark tile, a perfect ambiance for your sensitive state.

You discarded your clothes on the floor, desperate enough to be rid of your pain that you’d decided to put them away later, though you left the door cracked, allowing you to hear if Maul returned from his mission. You ran the water in the walk-in shower, steam rising from the streams up to the ceiling, seeming to welcome you into its depths. Hot as the water was, the condensation wasn’t enough to cover the glass doors, not caring to leave anything to the imagination of anyone who might walk in. Stepping in delivered almost immediate relief, the water that dripped down your body carrying with it the pain and tension that had consumed you seconds prior.

The sound of the water hitting the floor created a soothing white noise, blending with the soft glow of city lights outside your window, creating a haven for you that distracted you completely from your lover’s entrance into the house.

Maul removed his cloak, hanging it by the door and scanned the room, finding it empty of your presence. As he tread towards the bedroom, he found the bathroom door ajar, steam seeping from the doorway and your hums of contentment echoing echoing off the walls. A moment of contemplation about his options revealed to him that going in would be most… beneficial to you both.

You had your head tilted up, the water from the showerhead washing over your face, droplets beading and falling from your hair and streams creating pathways down your skin as a river does on a mountain pass. The image resembled a goddess in Maul’s eyes, and a soft purr rumbled from his throat practically on instinct.

“Well? You’re not going to stand there all day, are you?” You laughed softly, having sensed his presence when he entered. The invitation flipped a switch within him, and his clothes were off before even he knew it.

He pulled open the door, his desire driving his every movement now, and the clear sight of you before him, wet from head to toe, body glistening in the dim lights, was enough to drive him mad. He needed you, more than the air he breathed, more than life itself.

When he entered, he took your face in his hands, calloused and rough against your soft features, and pulled you to him, your lips meeting his, mouth opening for his tongue, craving to explore inside of you. He was impatient, ready to take you here and now, but each moment sent shocks of electricity into his mind, sending him through a rare and powerful euphoria that he dare not rush through. Instead, he moved slowly, drinking in your taste with each movement, hands roaming down your body, stroking every piece of you, but pulling away just soon enough that it left you aching for more. Your arms curled around his neck, keeping him close and filling any space that might’ve been left between you two.

He moved down, kissing your neck, biting and sucking at your flesh, tugging at every bit of you he took in his mouth, relentless until he knew the marks he left there would remain for days, weeks, even. If he had to leave again, he wouldn’t even consider leaving you unbranded. The more he bit, the closer you held his head down, begging him to keep going. In response, he pressed you against the wall, icy stone colliding with your back, a shocked gasp escaping your lips, which he quickly silenced with yet another kiss.

Unchecked hands massaged your breasts, running over your hardened nipples with his thumbs, following the paths drawn for him by the droplets of water.

“Perfect,” he growled against you, mouth continuing to devour every inch of your upper body. “You’re so perfect.” A hand moved between your legs and you could feel his fingers drawing up the inside of your thigh, slowly and thoughtfully. It was agonizing how slowly he went, your desire for him only wanting him to hurry up and fuck you till you couldn’t think anymore, until your mind was rattled with thoughts of him and only him. But he didn’t oblige, taking slow, deliberate movements with your body as he pleased, counting the seconds it took for him to perform every duty allotted to him. 

The higher his hand went, the faster your heart beated, the feeling of each of his fingers on your leg sending your mind further in time, playing out for yourself everything that he could do to you. Your hands found their way up to his horns, stroking them and gripping on in a way that could only be described as mind-numbingly sensual. He purred at the motion as you pressed your body against him eagerly, your undeniable need for him overpowering your sense.

He had found his mark, fingers entering into your folds, thumb massaging your clit, rolling and pressing skillfully, eliciting a cry of excitement from your lips. You didn’t even know what you were begging for when you began, “Maul, I-”

“You’re so impatient,” he said to you, yet another finger entering and his breath hot against your skin. “You’re already so wet and we haven’t even begun.” His hand was pumping in and out now, fingers curling inside of you as he moved, your desperate gasps for more only encouraging him to move quicker, more powerfully. The sensation was blinding. His familiarity with your body and exactly what unraveled you gave him an advantage. He didn’t even have to do much to have you begging for him.

Sensing where you were, he removed his hands, licking his fingers to taste your juices. Before you could object or plead him to keep going, he was lifting your leg. Keeping you up against the wall, he had you wrap your legs around his waist, arms holding tightly at his neck. He entered you, each ridge on his cock that you felt going inside you pulling a resounding moan from your vocal chords, as if the mere feeling of him inside you was enough to write a whole chorus for the gods. His face was buried in the crook of your neck, your back arched against the wall.

The sound of the rushing water wasn’t nearly enough to contain the unholy noises coming from the both of you as he moved. One of his hands held you up, fingers gripping tightly enough that there would surely be a handprint in the morning, but the other hand pressed against the wall, trying to stabilize himself as he felt your walls tightening around his hard cock. He did try to move slowly, taking in how good you felt around him, but every time he moved further in, your moans and pleas for more pulled him into pure instinct.

Inhibitions washed away with the water, he moved faster, pounding into you with enough force that you felt like you would snap. The ridges only intensified the feeling, the pressure of his width stretching your walls beyond bliss. Any hope of holding back was lost completely.

“My Starlight,” His nickname for you sounding like honey dripping from his lips. “Say my name for me.”

You struggled to even speak, your legs tightening around his waist. “M...Maul-” you stuttered, coherent thoughts failing to form in your head, the only thing you could concentrate on currently splitting you open from the inside. But you said it again, and again, getting louder each time, huffing and moaning between each repeat.

Hearing his name in your voice, the lust lacing every letter, was enough. He went harder, faster. Your head was back, eyes facing the dark ceiling, spatterings of stardust peppering your vision. The knot in your stomach grew unbearable.

“Maul, I can’t hold it much longer,” your words were tight, difficult to form. “I have to-”

“Come for me, my Starlight,” he purred into your neck, lips brushing your bruised skin. “Come for me and show me who you belong to.”

The release was intoxicating, your cum dripping down your legs, but being quickly washed away by the water. He set you back down carefully, hands running through your hair and gently caressing your skin, cleaning off any remaining liquids he had left on you.

When you turned off the water, he wrapped you in a towel, examining your skin for the marks he had left on you. They would be deeper in the morning, purple and clear as day, and surely, you’d wear clothes that would reveal them. The world would see, they would know that you were his, that you belonged to him. And by the gods, he would make sure it stayed that way.

[warsmith-38]

How I would do RWBY Pt. 0

Disclaimer: It is easier to improve what already exist than it is to create something new. Boy howdy do I know that. That being said, I believe that RWBY has more than its fair share of flaws and this is how I would do it differently if I was behind the reigns. This is just a collection of my opinions and ideas which in the end will probably amount to nothing. I felt the need to do this because my brain just decided ‘nah motherfucker, you ain’t thinking of anything else from now on’ and this is the end result for nothing else would satisfy my rage.

I wouldn’t quite call this a complete re-haul, but more rather a rework with some of my own brand of polish. It’s not a compete rebuild from the ground up in a different world with different concepts and themes, but how I would go about a second go around with the series from the base that is already there. If a detail is missing from my musings then assume it is either unchanged or removed, depending on context.

If some of my complaints were addressed after I stopped watching, I honestly don’t much care. If it takes longer than 4 seasons to fix what I view as fundamental problems, then it’s far too little too late for me. I paid scant attention to the series post my stopping point and liked little to none of what I saw.

Please do not take this as a specific attack on anything other than the writing of the show itself. This is not directed or targeted against anyone, regardless of position or feelings on the topic at hand. If you ignore what I just said and decide to take this as an insult, then I say that you need to be more self-secure in your tastes and interests.

Things I would remove + reason why

Silver eyed warriors as a concept- it’s more or less the same concept as dojutsu from Naruto. It’s the fucking sharingan (rubygan). It’s not quite chosen one level, but crap like this is the blight of good protagonists. It’s fucking eugenics that makes you awesome not your own skills or training but on your bloodline. No need for personal development or life-changing hardship when you have a built in power that can be cultivated like a fucking bumper crop.

Maidens- Wasn’t intended originally and only made the overall story more cluttered with power creep and plot device. It’s a similar problem as above. No need for training or anything if people can just kill the person who has the power currently and take if from them. Which, at that point, why do you want that power if you’re already strong enough to kill and take it from the person who has it to begin with? It’s something someone just shouted out and they rolled with it because it sounded cool in the moment.

The Relics- McGuffin dragonballs that serve as plot device and little else. A story can be told without needing to monotonously race for Excalibur or the holy grail. Considering the Maidens, I doubt that the relics were intended in the first place and as such if you can’t tell a story without throwing something in after a few seasons because you realized that you didn’t have a plot, then you’re not that good at telling stories.

Oscar- The show didn’t need more main protagonists when what was already there wasn’t being given enough characterization to begin with. For that matter-

Quite a few characters- The cast is cluttered and convoluted enough as is with seemingly important characters getting the shaft in favor of yet another new character that would barely do anything. Time and effort seems to be put into one-off schmucks that would be better served making the story not need poochie the dog, let alone several. Character integration is not ‘create a character to do one thing and then pretend they don’t exist’. There’s already plenty of characters than can be used wherever.

The overt shipping bait, especially if it’s just going to be taken up or abandoned on a whim- I don’t mean relationship building, I mean the obvious baiting of a relationship that, in the end, might not even happen. All it does is dumb down characters and character arcs, draw out pointless scenes, and make the fans have conniptions one way or another. People are pissed off whenever things don’t go their way with shipping so the only winning move with these people is not to play their game. Looking at you Klance and Zutara. Either don’t do anything or have a fucking plan and stick to it and not make complete swerves when fans get uppity. If it genuinely matters to you, then pretend whatever ship happens at whatever point, I don’t care.

Changes to the world that I think would go over better-

Everyone has a level of aura with a naturally high level generally meaning that they might be able to unlock a semblance. A semblance is unlocked through some sort of specific event, typically a stressful one IE: Yang and Ruby are caught in the woods by grimm and Yang gets frustrated and scared at not being able to defend her sister before getting angry and her rage mode semblance unlocking. Not everyone who unlocks a semblance goes into combat schools but it is a requirement for acceptance into most of them. Having the potential to unlock a semblance seems entirely random but has a higher chance with genetics.

There are two types of semblances: 1 is hereditary like the Schnee glyphs, changing only slightly, if at all, through the generations. 2 is a random personal power like Yang having her rage mode as compared to Raven’s portals. Whichever you get tends to be random with the occasional exception depending on genetics and the specific semblance.

Every 1 in assumedly 10 people who have semblances have the potential to have two semblances, often times, but not necessarily, being one hereditary and one random. The process of unlocking the second semblance involves immense emotional distress and in some cases might not even happen for the individual who has the potential, period, thus skewing data. This gives an enhanced type power but isn’t protagonist exclusive. It shows a higher than average power capacity, but isn’t a gamebreaker to the same level as a fucking kekkei genkai or getting the powers of a fucking demigod. A good amount of characters would only have one semblance and be considerable badasses despite it and even be able to beat a couple of the few that have two.

Establish Menagerie as the official Fifth Kingdom, the newest of the great kingdoms. Maybe not the singularly strongest or most influential, but make it so Menagerie and its people, the faunus, have a considerable role in the world’s affairs, if even from an isolationist standpoint. Don’t have them as even a semi thriving entity that isn’t a kingdom because that only begs the question as to why the kingdoms are so important to begin with then.

Make the White Fang a faunus supremacist group that has very little support, if any, from the faunus people as a whole. Faunus right issues are history for the vast majority of the world and the White Fang as a whole is only using the problems in Atlas with the SDC as a means of trying to gain power. There are actual faunus rights groups trying to make things better for their race in Atlas and other marginalized areas but the White Fang dislikes them on the grounds that they go against their goal and it makes them look even worse.

Fucking pronounce names correctly, I mean, Christ. Weiss, the word, is pronounced like ‘Vice’. It’s an actual fucking word. It’s the German word for white. It’s like saying tor-till-uh not tor-tee-ah. Blake is Bella-doe-nah not Bella-dawn-uh. Shit like that. No you don’t need to put on a heavy accent to say these words but pronouncing things so inaccurately just makes you look like an ignorant rube (no, that was not a pun). I don’t fucking care what your reasons are. Why use these words in the first place if you’re not even going to try to say them right?

Ozpin is order to Salem’s chaos. Ancient demigods of both archetypes vying for power across the ages and the innocent peoples of the world be damned in the crossfire. Neither are entirely good nor evil but both are not exactly helpful to the free peoples on the world and the continued livelihood thereof. Their progenitor god created them to try and guide humanity in a balanced way. That seemed to work at first, but then failed like a bad marriage and they waged war ever since like a bad divorce. The grimm are a creation of Salem’s to test humanity and make then stronger through conflict. Ozpin ranges from the lawman to the fascist fairly duplicitously. The two can only be permanently killed by each other but neither wants to get too close to the other because of that exact same reason. If killed by other means, they will resurrect after a fashion no worse for wear.

Overt changes to (and complaints about) Ruby Rose- It is a crime that the titular character has so little actual character beyond just being ‘Hyperactive Anime Protagonist #235’. Most of her (few) character traits are tell not show, and of course she’s got the fucking rubygan bloodline ability crap. She has next to nothing that isn’t allotted by default to most anime protags on the grounds of the stereotype. For the main character to have less character than any of the members of the fucking B-team is a travesty.

1. Give her a clear rebellious streak, a distinct problem with authority, and a headstrong attitude. Daddy doesn’t want her to be in danger, so she decides to become a huntress. She’s told to stay put, so she hunts down Roman. She’s told that she needs to stay home and recover, so she sets out on her own not thinking about the exact consequences. Make her the impetus for the team’s involvement with the problems of the world in the early seasons. Make her a driving part of the plot, not just being along for the ride or because someone else said so.

2. Give her blood knight tendencies. Make her VERY willing to get into a fight with the bad guys, not just fights in general, but fights against bad guys. Nothing over the top, but enough that she has a scene or three where she says “Shut up bad guy, skip to the part where we get to kick the crap out of you,” or something of that nature. Hyper combative characters are fun and ethical.

3. Give her more traits as a mechanic and weapon nerd. Include scenes of her fixing everyone’s weapons for fun or being able to analyze an opponent’s fighting style based on the type, design, and/or wear & tear of their weapon, make her a polyglot of weapons that can be at least proficient in using just about any weapon. Come to think of it…

4. Anything that could give her actual character traits. They don’t even have to be all that major traits, just give her enough so that we actually have a character with more definition than printer paper. She’s the main character, the titular character at that. This isn’t a video game with a blank-slate protagonist. If the main character isn’t even really a character, like, at all, then what’s the fucking point?

5. Convert silver eyes power into a second semblance for white fire vision that kills grimm like nothing else. Gotten as a hereditary semblance from Summer. Which is also why Summer was specifically targeted by Salem on the grounds that it makes her just a little too dangerous for her long-term plans. This makes it so she isn’t just the fucking chosen one, but still has a clear definitive reason to be involved against the big bad because, y’know, dead mom. Yes, this kinda goes into the whole ‘bloodline is what determines importance’ thing I wanted to be rid of, but it’s only a chance two generations instead of a massive lineage of nonsense and keeps more of the onus of involvement on Ruby herself.

6. Give her a very clear motivation that’s deeper than surface level. ‘Oh, I want to do the right thing’ is a flimsy as balls motivation especially compared to the rest of her team that has that AND an actual reason for thinking that way. Why does she want to be the good guy? What happened in her life that makes her this motivated to doing the right thing? Yang has her desire to find her mother (which, come to think of it, doesn’t necessitate being a good guy), Blake has wanting to make up for being a terrorist, Weiss has her desire to step out from under the shadow of her family’s reputation, even fucking Jaune, the b-team protagonist, who wants to live up to his family reputation, has a proper motivation to be involved in the story. WHY is Ruby involved beyond ‘I’m the main character’ level reasoning? As much as admitting it makes me wish to commit Sudoku, even SAO has better main character motivations. Good god, I need hooch after typing that.

Overt changes to (and complaints about) Yang Xiao-Long- Her arc was mostly fine, barring some of the pacing. Raven being a maiden undercut the message of ‘screw that deadbeat bitch, go to your real family’ by making her important to the overall world state and confirming a measure of later relevance but that’s more a flaw with Raven than Yang.

1. Keep her motivation about getting strong enough to find her mother but add in the clear desire to kick her ass for leaving her and Tai. Of course it’s more about just getting the answers to her questions, but the ass-kicking should also be a major component.

2. Amp up the rivalry between her and Mercury. Mercury was designed as an opposite to Yang, I mean for fuck’s sake, look at him. Consider their respective backstories too; both raised in a single father home yet one was supported and loved (if a little neglected) while the other was horrifyingly maimed and abused. Punch vs kick. It works.

3. Make her more protective of her little sister, explicitly going along with her personal crusade to keep her safe (safer, rather). If she’s supposed to be the good older sister, maybe just maybe, something more than lip-service to that idea should be done. Hell, maybe she can be overprotective like their father, or even the exact opposite, not really giving a shit and then learning to give one. That might lead to a little tension and growth between the two of them.

4. Make her semblance consistent. Is she supposed to have super saiyan rage mode or is it energy buildup and dispersal? Is it supposed to be both? Just make it rage mode, for the sake of fuck, and don’t flip-flop. Speaking of…

5. Give her anger issues. Flesh out her being the kind of gal that would start a fight in a nightclub when she doesn’t get what she needed with little justification. This would stem from abandonment issues from Raven, Summer (inadvertently), and Tai and her general thrill seeking personality. This could lead to tensions and dramas until she overcomes it and learns to use her aggressive feelings and not let them use her.

Overt changes to (and complaints about) Blake Belladonna- Shitty-kitty is shitty, here’s why.

1. Do something with the hypocrisy of being, more or less, princess of Menagerie, a world power albeit a minor one, and joining a band of terrorists that do more harm than good for the people they claim to represent. It’s like a trust-fund baby joining some charity organization in Africa for a few weeks, doing jack-shit to help, joining some jihadists, and then acting like she’s Mahatma Gandhi.

2. Make her arc less about running away and fighting Adam, more about realizing that running is for assholes and try to find her team to at least apologize for cutting and running like she did. Doing that and stopping Adam are not mutually exclusive. The friend thing should be the priority. As it stands she is almost rewarded for abandoning her team just to focus on her own problems.

3. Make her arc involve going from ‘There’s no such thing as pure evil’ to ‘Okay maybe some people are just too evil to work with’. Some people are too far gone and, despite still having good traits, will only ever continue to do evil things and don’t deserve the benefit of the doubt. Not everyone has some sort of good motive beneath the surface and, even then, does that matter when the only action they do is objectively evil? Still, y’know, save who you can, like Ilia.

4. Have Belladonna not actually be her last name. If she’s the daughter of a the chief of Menagerie, the closest thing the faunus have to a unified racial leader, then how the unholy shit does nobody recognize her name? She is, again, princess of Menagerie, yet nobody recognizes the name in a grander context. Have ‘Belladonna’ be a cover name so she can hide her identity better so that she’s using what should be a very recognizable real name in a tournament that is broadcasted worldwide. Her real family name could be “Nightshade” or some shit like that.

5. If she’s supposed to be ‘The quiet one’ maybe actually have her be quiet and not make big speeches every season or have loud arguments with her team. Just a fucking thought. If she’s still supposed to do that, then make her ‘the opinionated one’ or ‘the kind of mean one’ or even ‘the one who doesn’t shut up’. Blake, as seen, or rather heard, is not the quiet one.

6. Have her actually fucking interact with Ruby. Maybe they have a two-person book club. Maybe Blake teaches Ruby to meditate or something. Anything, anything at all would be fine, anything more than nothing at all. Blake’s whole interaction with the team shouldn’t just be through Yang and cursory scenes with Weiss.

Overt changes to (and complaints about) Weiss Schnee- You can’t solve racism with like two scenes.

1. Make the racism thing a much more gradual decay rather than more or less disappearing after a single conversation. Hell, make jokes about it, ‘oh, no, one of my best friends is a faunus,’ stuff. It’s hard to unlearn an upbringing of hate, but she’s trying type stuff.

2. Involve her at least a little with the White Fang plot. It only makes sense that the heiress of the company that still more or less has slave labor is at least semi-involved with the plotline involving terrorists that want that company destroyed. Make her subject to assassination attempts at a young age, or even have her been kidnaped at a young age and held hostage, getting her scar in the process.

3. As evident by some of the intros, her rival was supposed to be Emerald. This could be serviceable, at the very least. The street rat pickpocket that had to learn life lessons the hard way and was taken in by the baddies VS. the rich heiress born with a silver spoon but raised by a dickhead. There’s potential there and it is a crime that it is not explored in the slightest. Even Yang and Mercury had a minor fight.

4. Like Yang, make her semblance consistent. Is it supposed to be summoning or physics altering magic symbols? These are two completely different powers, it’s not like super speed also giving super reflexes or whatever. Just make it one or the other, don’t bullshit us on these things. Or, hell, make it a second semblance she gets during the course of story.

5. Emphasize her loneliness. Make the main onus of her personal arc be about how she goes from this prickly, spoiled, opinionated, brat to a warm and caring friend who only wants the best for everyone. Yes, this might be the main intention in canon, but I feel it could have used a little more refining.

Overt changes to (and complaints about) Cinder Fall- If she’s supposed to be Ruby’s chief rival and foil then she needs a lot of work to even be close. She shouldn’t be nothing but the rival, but at that same time she should have that be a considerable part of her characterization and role in the series. I feel the best way to do it is to have their similarities highlight their differences in both character and design. Basically, make her the Vergil to Ruby’s Dante.

1. Make her Ruby’s age. Being the same age as Ruby while initially outclassing her, and even veteran hunters, provides risk and contrast between the two. Throw in an evil sadistic streak compared to Ruby’s happy-go-lucky personality to further the contrast and you’ve got a good little yin-yang thing for them. It also shows just how bad someone can turn out if raised to be a killing machine.

2. Keep her using the bow/twin swords as a comparably simple weapon in contrast to Ruby’s, even in universe, overcomplicated Scythe/Sniper rifle. Both weapons are long range marksmen’s weapons as well as vicious close combat weapons but are still very different in essence. Also make sure she keeps the red with black and gold color scheme is contrast with Ruby’s Black with red and silver. Even minor visual cues can work to the rival schema.

3. Make her one of the people who have two semblances. Pyromancy (pyrokinesis? Fire bending, she has fire bending) and dilated perception (bullet time) so that Ruby’s super speed and the dilated perception cancel each other out, adding a little extra tension to the fights now that both parties’ signature abilities are moot points against each other.

4. Make her competent. She kills Ozpin and Pyrrha and then she either fails or draws every fucking fight she has afterwards baring nameless jobbers here and there. Even before that, she needed help to take down Amber and even manages to fuck that up. The more failures she has and the less intimidating she is. Too much of that and she’s just a jobber that makes you wonder why she was ever seen as intimidating in the first place. When that happens then Ruby beating her is just the status quo and not a triumph of any sort.

5. Make her Ruby’s long lost fraternal twin sister. Incredibly cliché, I admit, but siblings make the best rivals, especially twins. Once again, it’s all about adding the similarities and the contrasts. In this case it creates the ‘there but for the grace of god go I’ idea with the two of them. Ruby seeing it as how evil she could have turned out and Cinder seeing it as how weak she could have been (Eventually becoming how good she could have had it because I’m a sucker for redemption arcs) Who said that?

Overt changes to (and complaints about) Team JNPR- JNPR was fine-ish but the over focus on Jaune and the underutilization of Ren + Nora early on are both issues. B-team should not get jack shit before the A-team gets the lions share.

1. Downplay Jaune’s screen time. I doubt this is a particularly controversial statement. Jaune is not the titular character. This is (technically) a shoujo not a shounen. It’s supposed to be about the girls more than the guys. It kind of undercuts that idea when the guy (the side guy at that) gets the lion’s share of characterization, attention, and growth before the girl (the main girl) does.

2. Make Ren and Nora actual characters earlier on. Comic relief is all well and good, but either extend that to the whole team or make these two characters more than just comic relief in the early parts of the story. Make them, y’know, actual characters. They ain’t gotta be all that important, but they do have to be actual characters.

3. Make Pyrrha’s deathflags less blindingly obvious. We all knew Pyrrha was going to get clipped. The self-sacrificing type, all the musical and visual cues throughout, being based on Achilles, and ‘oh she just confessed to the boy she likes’. Homegirl was waving deathflags like an insecure redneck with the confederate flag. When you foreshadow obvious things that much it’s not a surprise to the audience when it happens and the reaction of the in universe characters seems overdone. If it’s not supposed to be a surprise then, whatever, but that’s clearly not the case if you’re going for just shock value. It’s fine for a character to die, but for the love of Jaysus you got to do something with it more than ‘this character’s sole purpose is to die for the angst and to up the stakes’. Pyrrha was just a plot jobber.

4. Make them a little more independent in the overall plot. Give them their own full sub-plots, have them go on their own little adventures, have them do things completely separate from RWBY that has plot relevance but not overtaking the main story in grandeur or importance. B-team gets B-plots and are cool in it of themselves.

Overt changes to (and complaints about) Qrow Branwen- Take or leave this, I just felt the need to include this because reasons.

1. Just make him Dante from Devil May Cry. Just make his personality the same as Dante from Devil May Cry. Make him stylish and cool but low-key a massive dork. He’s too cool to drink or smoke or anything harsher than PG-13. This series could use a guy like that, says I.

2. Make his semblance something that makes sense and isn’t just an angst generator. How do you even quantify ‘bad luck aura’ as a power? Make it short range teleportation as a connection to Raven’s portals. Make it so that he can direct the bad luck at will. Do SOMETHING with it that isn’t just an excuse for mostly pointless character angst.

3. This technically also counts as a Raven change but whatever. Make the Branwen family old nobility and not a loser bandit tribe from nowhere. Or at least make it so they used to rich or something. They come from a family that had a good amount of cash and even a chateau in Mistral. After the money dried up and the chateau ransacked by grimm, the Branwen twins had differing opinions on how to proceed. Qrow fully integrated into the hunter thing while Raven ran away and became a bandit, using it as further excuse to skedaddle on Tai and a recently born Yang.

[addierose444]

A Typical Week: Spring 2021

Before getting into the actual content, I thought I would just point out that this is my 100th blog post! You can check out the full list here. 

As noted in my fall 2020 version of this post, my week is primarily dictated by my current course schedule. (To check out all of my past courses, click here). Furthermore, the way I write these posts is to focus on academics as they're a big part of my life, but also the most natural thing to write about publicly. This post should give you a realistic sense of the structure of my week and courses. I thought it may be useful to contrast expectations and reality when it comes to productivity. Early in the semester, I mapped out my idealized homework schedule around my meetings and assignment deadlines. The first row lists deadlines. The other rows are split by my meals (lunch and dinner). Even if I don’t strictly follow the schedule, spending the time to map things out is quite useful. To write about my real schedule, I actually looked back through data from my time tracking application, Toggl Track. I know this is a very long post, but it wasn’t really interesting enough to become a two-parter. 

A typical school day starts off with my 9:00 (or 9:10) alarm. I also often have a second alarm set for 9:15 as a backup. Here at college, I simply use the default clock app on my phone and have it play from my favorites playlist on Spotify. I very occasionally need to wake up earlier to finish up an assignment as midnight is my strict cutoff for doing work. I know a consistent sleep schedule is very important, but it’s definitely something I struggle with.

Monday:

My week begins with a 9:20 math class. The specific course is math methods which as previously explained is an applied math course from the physics department that is required for physics and engineering majors. We usually start off by going over the pre-class check in (PCCI) and/or other questions students have. This review is followed by a lecture on new material. Throughout the class, we work through example problems in breakout rooms (on Zoom whiteboards) and answer multiple-choice questions using the poll feature. (The poll questions are anonymous and ungraded). Partway through the class, we get a 4-minute break. One nice thing about this class is that we actually thoroughly go through the example problems when we regroup as an entire class. This is important because, without feedback, practice is of limited utility. Furthermore, going over the problem gives me a chance to get everything into my notes. The integration of lectures with practice is something I really appreciate about this course. In past math classes, the format has been a lecture followed by a worksheet of practice problems. While that model sometimes makes sense, I much prefer this integrated approach.  One issue with leaving practice until the end is that you sometimes run out of time and don’t catch knowledge gaps until the end of class. After math methods, I get a 20-minute break during which I often listen to the latest episode of The Daily (a short new podcast from the New York Times). 

Next up is my philosophy of logic class which starts with a few minutes of breathing and stretching. On the first day of class, I thought this was a really strange thing, but have come to appreciate it. Afterward, we go over any relevant announcements and sometimes debrief the previous class. This class is different from my other classes in that it is reading and discussion-based. We spend most of the class in the main room strengthening our understanding of the reading through full class discussions and mini-lectures. Even though the class is already very small (13 students), we also make use of breakout rooms to work through study questions. Our tests are pyramid style which means we spend one class period working independently and another class on the same questions in a small group. We also have short quizzes, called mini check-ins,  every few weeks. Next up is lunch during which I sometimes listen to a podcast or audiobook. You can check out some of my favorite podcasts and books of 2020 at the associated links.

After lunch, I have my computer systems lab. The teaching assistant of my lab section starts off with a quick introduction to the assignment. We then work independently and ask questions as they come up. Even though we don’t really work collaboratively the lab is sort of fun because it’s less formal than a regular class. For the first part of the semester, the lab assignments often took way longer than the allotted time (and sometimes longer than our projects) so I often spent more of the afternoon finishing up the assignment. Fortunately, the course staff was made aware of this issue and adjusted accordingly. Just for some context, this course is a UMass class which is why there is a whole course team and teaching assistants. To read more about Five College course registration click here. At Smith, while some classes have teaching assistants who help out during class, all of the classes are taught and run by our actual professors. We also have student tutors as an academic resource outside of class. To read more about academic support systems at Smith, click here. 

After finishing up my lab assignment, I start in on my math methods PCCI. A typical PCCI consists of reading a section or two of the textbook (written by our professor) and completing a short practice problem or so-called discovery exercise. Depending on the week, I either start in on my reading assignment for my computer systems class or logic class. At 4:00, I have my weekly one-on-one meeting with my supervisor for my ResLife job. Following the meeting, I relax by listening to music or an audiobook. At 5:00, I order, pick up, and eat my dinner. After dinner, I complete any remaining readings for my computer systems and logic classes. If I haven’t yet completed my lab assignment or have an exam the following day, I devote some of the night to circuits. Otherwise, I may work on a computer systems project or theory of computation assignment. 

Tuesday:

Tuesday’s are my busiest day of the week in terms of class hours. With that said, it’s nothing compared to my Thursdays last fall. I start Tuesdays off with my circuits class. During class, we learn new circuit theory and circuit analysis techniques. We also go through example problems. While we often run out of time to fully work through the extra practice problems in breakout rooms, fortunately, my professor posts videos going over those problems. After taking our feedback into account, we now get a break partway through the class. Each lecture covers a lot of material, so the brain/screen break is much appreciated. To check in on how the class is feeling about various concepts, our professor has us use the annotation feature on a scale from totally get it to totally lost. 

After circuits is my 20-minute break followed by my theory of computation lecture. The theoretical nature of the material means that it really is a lecture. While we obviously go through examples, there aren’t really practice problems as there would be in a math class. We use the chat to some extent in all of my classes, but to a greater degree in this course. Next up is lunch and a COVID test. At 1:40 I am back to circuits for the lab. Most of the labs are virtual with physical lab equipment, but a few have been in-person so that we could use special equipment. Ironically, one of our in-person labs was actually fully virtual in terms of lab equipment. (We were sitting on the lawn outside of Ford together and running circuit simulators on our laptops). Fortunately, we don’t usually need to stay until 4:30. I tend to just collect my data, ask some questions about the material, and then finish up the write-up at a later point in time. This time block is also the one used whenever we have an exam. 

I always start by doing the textbook reading for circuits. I don’t read super closely, but it’s still a good primer for the next class. In terms of other work, Tuesdays are a bit more unpredictable and really depend on how much I got done over the weekend. Specifically, while I usually finish my math methods assignment over the weekend, occasionally I need to finish it up on Tuesday evenings. Likewise, for circuits, I sometimes finish the last few problems on a Tuesday evening. At 7:00, I have a staff meeting with the other community advisors in my neighborhood and our supervisor. Our meetings usually take place over Zoom, but our most recent one was in-person with ice cream from Herrell’s which was a lot of fun. You can read about some other Northampton food locations (restaurants, cafes, and more) here. In weeks where I haven’t yet started my computer systems work, I do what I would usually have done on a Monday on a Tuesday. 

Wednesday:

Wednesdays are similar to Mondays without the computer systems lab and ResLife meeting. In the afternoon I often attend office hours for my theory of computation class to ask questions about the weekly assignment. Even though I don’t have my logic class until the following Monday, I usually just do the reading on Wednesday afternoon. On Wednesday evenings, I typically work through my circuits revisions. I also tend to do a good chunk of my computer systems coursework. This consists of watching lecture videos, taking notes, and taking lesson quizzes. Furthermore, I have definitely spent some Wednesday evenings working through computer systems projects. 

Thursday:

Thursdays are like Tuesdays without the circuits lab. Even though I have the whole afternoon free, unfortunately, I am sometimes having to finish up my theory of computation assignment. It’s also common for me to start working on the new math methods problem set. In the case of this Thursday, I played some guitar and then started writing this post. I also do my circuits reading for Tuesday and take the quick lab quiz. If I have any remaining computer systems coursework, I do that as well.  

Friday:

This semester I only have one class on Fridays, math methods. After class, I get a COVID test and an early lunch. I know it seems crazy how many free afternoons I have given that I am taking 22 credits and am a double STEM major. However, part of this is explained by my UMass computer systems course being asynchronous and the fact that I completed the one-credit companion course in C programming before my Smith semester started. My computer systems class was originally scheduled to meet Monday, Wednesday, and Friday afternoons. Even though I wish the class was synchronous, the flexibility of an asynchronous class has been much appreciated. Furthermore, the class was in a terrible time block that would have caused me to miss most of house tea. Back to what a Friday afternoon looks like! After completing my PCCI for math methods, I often rewatch the lecture videos for computer systems (on double speed) and then take the weekly quiz. I next pick up tea snacks from Cutter-Z and attend house tea at 4:30. After tea, I order dinner and often eat it in the living room with housemates. Fridays are definitely my least productive day and I have definitely taken a few weekly quizzes on Saturday after having planned to take them on Friday. Instead of doing real work, I often spend Friday afternoons writing blog posts. As for this post, I wrote most of it yesterday but spent a good chunk of Friday afternoon on it as well. 

Saturday:

Despite my best efforts to have a consistent sleep schedule, I often sleep in on Saturdays until 10:00. I then have a leisurely hour or so of listening to an audiobook. At 11:00, I get an early lunch. As mentioned in the Friday description, I sometimes end up taking my weekly quiz for computer systems on Saturday. When I have tests in math methods, I typically take them on Saturday night. (The tests are timed but are self-scheduled over the given weekend which includes Friday). When there is not a math test, I often work on my math problem set in the afternoon. Every few weeks, I host POCheese at 4:00. This week we are actually going to be meeting at 5:00 for a ramen night! At 6:00 I have a uke club meeting over Zoom. In weeks where I have already finished my math problem set and don’t have a test, I start in on my circuits problem set.

Sunday:

Sundays start like Saturdays in that I often have a leisurely morning. At 11:00 I get a COVID test and an early lunch. Sundays are almost always devoted to my circuits. This includes working through the problems set, the lab writeup, or studying for an upcoming exam. If my Saturday wasn’t as productive as intended, I do the homework described in that section. At 6:00 I have a Society of Women Engineers (SWE) board meeting. At 7:00, I either lead a community meeting (part of my ResLife job) or attend house council. Afterward, I fill out my weekly report (also part of my ResLife job).

[oikaw-ugh]

Sino (Kageyama x m!reader)

a/n: Yes. Another Kageyama fic. Idk what's with this King and I keep writing for him. And yes, this is a bxb fic. Yes, I'm a fujoshi. Yes. This is also influenced with Given anime? It's on air at Japan and I can't watch it >=[ 

 A song fic(?) of Unique Salongga's 'Sino' (that shit is so good)

Warning:

-typographical and grammatical mistakes and my lack of vocabulary.

-also, m!reader is described with characteristics that are common for (East) Asian boys.

-mention of blood and suggestive words indicating of sick!y/n

Who would've thought I would love you?

Kageyama stared longingly at the court. This shocked everyone-no, shock is an understatement. Astonished? Baffled? They were surprised to see him voluntarily ask for a water break, a request that is most certainly out of his character as he has always been loyal to volleyball training.

As much as Kageyama despised being off the court, he needed to. For he couldn't collect his self altogether. Despite his collectiveness, his certainty as his fingers passed the ball to the team, he couldn't help but to have a slight resist everytime.

"Sensei, I'm here on behalf of the student council."

He looked to his right, only to see him. He didn't even bother to give Kageyama a side glance as his entire attention is alloted for the club's teacher.

It didn't bother Kageyama. Instead, he took this as an opportunity to freely wander his eyes on him.

He was free to stare at his drowsy brown eyes, his lips that are in a straight line, his neatly cropped hair that covered up to his brows.

He probably should thank the sport for training his eyes to be wary as possible because even the way his black uniform hung loosely at his unathletic body did not escape Kageyama's vision.

He glanced at Kageyama.

Kageyama had to look away and suddenly, he is reminded by his brain of the very first encounter he had with him.

Kageyama grunted as he scrubbed the green board with full force, channeling his hate on the inanimate object as the fact that Hinata gets to go to the gym earlier than him irritates his skin.

God, who invented cleaning duties?

Kageyama's self hate is disrupted as he heard the sliding door screech. Surprised, he looks at the door, only to find an oddly familiar lad who share the same uniform as him.

"Kageyama-kun," the way Kageyama's name sounded with his flat voice made Kageyama's insides upset, "Hello."

Kageyama did not react but he only stared. Unvoiced curiosity escaping from his eyes instead. Who is he? Why does he know my name? The back of his mind asked.

His questions remained unanswered. Instead, this unfamiliar yet familiar guy walked his way towards the the lockers at the back, pulling a worn-out mop.

"I'm a cleaner, too," he said this in a voice with no intonation, as if he's only speaking for the sake of respect.

Kageyama, despite his thoughts, nodded. Looking back at the board again and this time, his scrub lighter than before, suddenly growing conscious knowing that he shares the room with someone else.

He's used to silence. Kageyama's not much of a talker himself. And yet he found the silence between him and the other deafening and nerve-wracking. The back of his mind played a couple of conversation starters that he knew he can use. But then, he lacked the courage-

"Oh."

"Oh."

The two lads jumped in surprise as their backs hit one another. Kageyama abruptly looked at his back and so did the latter, both surprised as they see the other staring at them.

"I'm sorry," Kageyama apologized with his usual gravelly voice.

"It's alright," the other replied, slightly chuckling this time, rendering Kageyama surprised as this person's dull look dissolved into a forced smile.

Kageyama glanced into his pin attached on his left chest.

It shows '(L/N)(Y/N)', written in legible Nihonggo characters.

Who will confess their feelings?

As much as Kageyama wanted to revolve his entire life at volleyball, the harsh reality forbids him to do so.

Kageyama blankly stared at his paper, the ballpoint of his pen stucked on the first line where he has already written his name but as if he is on court, his thoughts are blocked. Not giving him the ability to write his reaction paper from the film they just watched.

"Kageyama-kun."

Kageyama awkwardly sat straight. His hands slightly raising his paper as he looked up only to see (L/N)-kun staring at him. This realization made him feel odd. His stomach churning the same way he did when he first met (L/N)-kun. His ears feeling hot despite of the blasting aircon across the library's domain.

"May I sit here?" He asked in a voice that sounded unbothered, a fact that Kageyama is in awe. How could he remain so composed at the moment?

Was he the only one who is feeling this way? Are you saying that (L/N)-kun isn't feeling his stomach upset the same way his is? His hands aren't sweating? His breath isn't hitching? Kageyama needed answers.

His thoughts were put into a halt when (L/N)-kun looked up to him, catching him off guard. He wanted to apologize over nothing but he had his tongue tide.

"You weren't watching, were you?" (L/N)-kun asked, his body slightly leaning on the table, allowing Kageyama to see a portion of his collar bones with his uniform's upper buttons unbuttoned. He swallowed what was stuck on his throat.

"The what?"

"The film. You weren't watching the film?"

"I wasn't."

(L/N)-kun sported a soft smile, a smile that got Kageyama choking on his own breath once again, making him softly gasp in awe.

"I wasn't, too," (L/N)-kun confessed.

Why don't I know why? It always comes to me. Though sometimes I am not enough.

Kageyama needed no one.

Kageyama did not need his superiors' words, he did not need Hinata's comforting words. He did not need the managers', the coach's comfort.

He needed no one. He's always been alone and he's fine alone.

He stopped on his tracks as he sees (L/N) on the doorstep of his classroom. Both of them froze as they are held captive with one another's eyes.

Kageyama frowned, feeling his stomach upset again. The odd feeling climbing its way towards his throat. His lips aggressively shaking as he tried to restrain himself from screaming 'help me' at (L/N)-kun.

He needed no one so why is he desperately seeking for (L/N)-kun's words?

"Kageyama-kun? Are you alright?" His flat voice asked in a tone slightly higher than the usual. Was this his attempt on being empathic? Was he reaching out?

Kageyama gulped everything at once. His eyes fluttering as he nodded curtly, "I am."

Though it felt like it wasn't enough.

I will continue to find love. The meaning of love.

Upset. Kageyama's upset.

A failure. He is a failure. A failure for not being enough. If he were more competent, more skilfull, more talented, he would've won. He would've defeated his former senior's team.

And yet he wasn't and this frustrates him. Days have passed and yet his frustration still lingers inside him, casually clenching his fist and chewing his lips until they turned white and his lips bled. A harsh punishment his judgment has given him-

"Here."

A striking pain touched his forearm. Cold. He trails his eyes towards his arm only to see a cold drink resting on top of it. His eyes followed where the drink came from and it led him to the sight of (L/N)-kun, looking down at him.

He wanted to ask why and what it was for but (L/N)-kun pressed the drink harder onto his skin, urging him to take it in which he did.

(L/N)-kun walked beside him and sat on the cold floor as well. Both of them leaned on the school's walls as the sound of the vending machine vibrated at the side.

Kageyama pierced the straw towards his drink. He takes a sip and is temporarily relieved with the taste of yogurt on his tongue. He glances at (L/N)-kun who only stared at the empty hallway.

"Where's Hinata?" (L/N)-kun asked as your familiar companion is nowhere to be found.

And will be alone forever.

Who is worthy of my love? Who should I set as my priority?

Kageyama tightened his grip on his shoe bag as he strode his way towards the doorway. The halls are empty given that it's already four in the afternoon. The sky painted orange as it is adorned with fleeting birds and gentle clouds.

Kageyama froze as he saw a familiar figure not too far away from him. A little glance and he immediately knew who it was who's shamelessly sitting on the hallway in a very odd position.

"(L/N)-kun," Kageyama muttered as he walked towards him, (L/N)-kun jolting with the mention of his last name. Though this wasn't enough to make him look at his back. Instead, this made him eager to hide his face more, only allowing Kageyama a flash of his shaking back.

"(L/N)-kun, are-"

"Kageyama-kun..." (L/N) looked up, allowing Kageyama a sight of his face which immediately made his color fade away.

"Are you alright?" Kageyama couldn't help but to crouch as he see what seems to be blood dripping from (L/N)'s nose.

(L/N) chuckled, slightly shoving Kageyama's tough arms, "Yes."

"You're off to practice?" He said in a dismissive tone, the back of his palms covering his nose. A futile attempt as Kageyama’s stares are entirely locked at the red liquid now lingering at his upper lip.

“Yes. Are you-”

“You should go now, it’s almost four-thirty,” (L/N)-kun cut him off, a subtle hint that he didn’t want Kageyama to pry. A hint that Kageyama was not able to take.

“But-”

(L/N) looks up. His eyes weaker than they usually appear on Kageyama’s eyes. A ghost of smile on his lips as he shook his head slightly.

“Just go.” (L/N)-kun said softly.

I will continue to find

A ghost of smile lingered on Kageyama’s lips as his ears are drowned by Hinata and some of his seniors’ overflowing joy as they took off from the team’s rented bus, each of them proudly wearing their raven black jacket, a mark that indicates they are a member of the volleyball team.

Flood of praises welcomed Kageyama the moment he stepped in on his classroom. His classmates proud and overjoyed as Kageyama, an official member of the volleyball club, recently won a match against another team, their ticket towards the nationals.

The meaning of love

“Kageyama-kun.”

Kageyama’s eyes wandered at the sea of crowd and it landed to where (L/N)-kun stood. (L/N) once again plastered a melancholic look. His eyes drowsy-looking as a small smile crept onto his lips.

“Your team won, right?” he mumbled as he walked his way towards the crowd, blending with his classmates. If it weren’t for Kageyama’s eyes that were stuck on him, he wouldn’t be able to notice him. But he did.

“Yes,” Kageyama said, eyes strained along with his brows. His lips in a line as he was trying to stop from smirking.

(L/N)-kun nodded, “Congratulations.”

And will be alone forever.

[sanemreid]

tehlikeli oyun. — self para.

( feat. the spawn of satan elliott langham )

After locking up the studio — which hadn’t happened until a good little while beyond actually closing up for the day from classes and lessons, not uncommon for her to be the last one out whether staying late because of business related things, or simply to take advantage of the serene atmosphere to work on routines. Tonight’s reasoning stemming from the former — she’d popped over to her previous home in Goldfinch to asses a few things before officially putting it on the market. Would there have been a better time in the day to do this ? Probably, however this week proved to be busy for a myriad of reasons, thus for her this so happened to be the best allotted free moment, at least just to do an initial sweep. Luckily enough too her sister was out of town for a job so it could really just be a quick pop in. Regardless if she didn’t have a current ETA on the when she'd have it up for sale, more than likely after the wedding, she still wanted to be sure in the case anything might’ve needed to get revamped, it could get done sooner rather than later. 

 Truthfully though the place was in fairly as peak condition as it’d ever been since she lived here, plus the youngest of the Bayrak clan seemed to have the same trait of immaculate upkeep. The basement was probably the only feature that may need attention, seeing as it’d remained partially unfinished this whole time. Making her way downstairs after grabbing a forgotten item from the move into the manor, the plan was to raid the kitchen before actually heading home, when a knock resonated through an otherwise steady silence, halted Sanem on the second to last step. Weird. She’d hadn’t expected anyone obviously, maybe it was one of Damla’s friends, but wouldn’t she have mentioned she’d be gone. Maybe it really was old Edith coming back to haunt her. Brows furrow with a slight perplexity before continuing her movements, this time towards the entrance, another knock came halfway.

Opening the door – not fully – she was first able to catch a glimpse of the figure opposite’s profile against the front light, more features coming into view as he turned. There’d been an indistinct familiarity that the dancer was now trying to rack her brain over, all the while as his own vision landed on her a grin spread over his features that unnervingly could only rival the Cheshire cat. ❝ Sanem, hope I didn’t catch you at a bad time, ❞ Beginning with a tone that was saturated with far too much pleasantry, especially in the way her name fell. He knew her and yet she didn’t or — did she ? ❝ Mind if I come in, it’s kind of cold standing out here. ❞ Words fly in one ear and out the other as she continued to search for how and where she possibly knew him. Then like the cogs of a machine did the wheels start slowly clicking things into place, it might’ve been almost a year ago, but deep within her memory did she place him, outside the courthouse when she’d waited for Allison after a case. When she first laid eyes upon none other than the ghost himself.

Elliott fucking Langham.

Second passes when the realization hits, that she’s immediately moving to slam the door in his face, but is stopped before it can happen, his hand catching and pushes it along with herself, essentially shoving his way inside. ❝ Now that was just rude, here I thought we could just have a little talk. Guess there’s no need for formal introductions either then. ❞

Fleetingly stunned; she stood her ground just a short distance from him, almost rigidly on guard, arms crossing tightly over her chest. Attempting to keep calm though that bubbling ire was igniting beneath her skin, while he appeared rather cool and collected. ❝ Not sure what we possibly have to talk about — not unless it’s how you decided to force your way in here, ❞ A pause as dark hues narrow. ❝ Or maybe, you wanna talk about how you’ve been stalking around, making ominous phone calls like some d-list movie villain. Otherwise I suggest you walk back out the door and all the way to whichever hole you slithered out from. Better yet, straight into the ocean, please do the world a favor. ❞

One corner of his mouth twitched upwards, as if he merely felt amusement in every syllable uttered, smugness radiating the atmosphere around them. ❝ They were certainly right about you — you know you should be a little more respectful to the people who are supposedly about to become family, in what, a couple weeks now is it. ❞ nonchalantly his eyes dart around the interior as he speaks, inspecting, or more probably scrutinizing. All she could do was scoff, no surprise in the slightest to hear Rachel and Christopher were in the mix in conjuncture to him. Contempt curls on his features briefly as his line of sight returns to her. ❝ You’re a smart girl.. well, enough that I’m sure you already know what, or who, we need to discuss. I’ve been very considerate with Allison, letting her have her fun with — whatever this is, but now my patience is starting to grow a little thin. ❞

Again she hears his voice but she doesn’t listen, at least not anything beyond her partners name rolling off his tongue, sending a bristling sensation down her spine as embers ignite into full flames behind her stare. If only looks could kill. ❝ Don’t you ever fucking say her name again, ❞ She spat venomously first, a warning while she took a step closer. It may not have been the best idea to create a smaller gap between them, but the more her emotional level steadily rose, the less better judgement crossed through her mind. ❝ Let me be as clear to you as I was to them, there is nothing for us to discuss, much less my fiancée. I don’t care what kind of plan you have cooked up, or how you think attaching yourself to Christopher and Rachel like a parasite is gonna help and I’m just assuming you’re here because they ran and told you how mean I was to them at the gala. You won’t be getting anywhere near her again, I’m sure you’re smart enough to understand that. But maybe not, I mean really how pathetic do you have to be to resort to playing these games— ❞ One by one the words cascaded away from her like lava towards his direction, hoping to slowly engulf and vaporize his existence. 

Perhaps if she hadn’t been so focused on that, she might’ve caught the shift in his demeanor, to an extent her proclamation was working, maybe too well. It happened in the flash, before she could even react to Elliott’s movements, one hand reached out easily to clasp around her neck. While she feebly attempted to pry his arm away, he kept firm, sending her backwards till she was pinned against the nearest wall, wincing a bit as the back of her head made a thud. Sanem could feel his palm pressing against her trachea, though not quite hard enough to cut the airflow. Glint of fear was overcast by a grim determination not to give him the satisfaction of seeing. ❝ Has anyone ever told you, you have too much of a smart mouth for your own good. It’s cute what you’re trying to do but it’s only making things more difficult, and that’s over now. You really think you and that little dance studio are good enough ? I know what’s best for her I can give her the life she deserves. Allison is just a little confused, and I’m simply here to remind her of that, how good it was before, how we loved each other. ❞ Possessively menacing did he spit back.

Snorted laugh involuntarily erupts from her throat, humorless – mostly at least, because was he being serious, did he not hear himself right now ? Judging from the expression though he certainly wasn’t expecting to garner that reaction. ❝ You really are warped, ❞ Retorting against a partly strained voice. ❝ That’s not love, you sadistic fuck, that’s control. Of course you don’t know the difference... all you ever did and keep doing is hurt her, but you won’t have that power over her anymore. She is so much stronger and better than you know.. threatening me is only gonna make her hate you more.. ❞

Now; if just stepping closer had been a terrible idea, then antagonizing him was surely an even worse call — made evident by his grip squeezing harder as soon as the last declaration left her mouth. Was he just desperate or truly unhinged, both seemed the most plausible. Sanem never considered herself a fighter, not in the physical sense, in fact anytime her fight or flight response kicked in it almost always veered towards the latter. Nor had never found herself in this sort of situation before. Though in the same vein, she wasn’t clueless or weak, and if that’s the assumption he’d been under, the it was one on the list of mistakes made coming here. Adrenaline rushed through her system, induced by a mixture of fear and fury, between the belittlement that came from him and the Hawthorne parents, but importantly the negligent grief they all imposed on Alli. 

There was a futile attempt to pry his hand away, so in a less than thought out, survival instinct way, she reached out to grab his face, digging her nails in, before wildly kicking out a leg that made contact with some part of his body. Less than graceful but worked to release her as he stumbled back with a harsh groan, gasping for a breath while in the process of commotion did her temple managed to clip against a shelf. Hissing and silently cursing her choice of décor momentarily. Glancing towards him with sharp intakes of air, hazardous ire still beamed off both, but including her tempestuous emotional state, it drove Sanem to ball a tight fist and strike it across his face. Did the connection send an ache through her hand, yes, but it was worth it still. ❝ Stay the fuck away from us ! ❞ Shouting at the top of raspy vocals before taking the opportunity had to go for her phone sitting in the living room. 

She’d fully expected him to be close behind, but managing to secure the device her line of sight peered up, frantically glancing around to find no one. Scrolling through the contacts, in the back of her mind ebbed the notion that she should call the lawyer — knowing she would have to tell her no matter what — but aware of the frenzy it’d only send her in at the moment. Instead tapping the next name to flash in her mind, who’d luckily lived in this very neighborhood now, Lily. Shakily putting the phone up to her ear, she took tentative steps back towards the entrance, Elliott, for all she’d been aware, was gone, leaving just an idly open door, and affrighted Sanem, in his wake.

[dudeandduchess]

Kyōjurō x F!S/O: Used to This (Modern AU, Slight NSFW Scenario):

Summary: Kyōjurō takes his timid and soft-spoken girlfriend out on a date, all while letting her see a side of him that she hadn’t before. Tattoos, sexy motorcycles, and breathtaking views, oh my. 🤭✨✨✨ Note: Yes, the breathtaking view is Kyō himself. 😂 And yes, there will be a part 2 to this. It’s already 4:30 AM and I need to sleep. Lmao. Also, the song I had on repeat while writing this was ‘Used to This’ by Camila Cabello.

***

Warnings: Adult Themes

I’m on my way. See you soon, baby. Love you. 😘

(Y/n) checked the time stamp on the message once more, sighing quietly as she peeked out at the gates through the gap in the curtains. There was still no sign of Kyōjurō, nor his car, anywhere.

It had already been half an hour since he texted her, but she couldn’t help but worry about him— since he didn’t really live that far away. The very thought of him getting into something unsavory had her lacing her fingers together, before wringing them nervously.

Just as she was about to pick her phone up from where she’d laid it down on her desk beside the window, it pinged at the receipt of a text.

Don’t forget your jacket. I just had to go back home for something. 😅 Be there in 5 minutes.

With that message, (Y/n) grabbed her phone and put it in the inner pocket of her denim jacket— tucking it in with the card-holder that she’d opted to bring; since her boyfriend did say to avoid bringing a bag as much as possible. She wanted to ask why a bag wasn’t necessary at all, and why she couldn’t wear a skirt, but she let those questions go when he shot her such a breathtaking smile that made her all flushed and speechless.

Just the memory of how even more handsome his smiles made him had the young woman placing a hand over her chest, and rubbing it in an effort to get her heart to calm down. He was simply too perfect for her heart to take, even if he wasn’t physically around to give her poor heart a workout.

Still, despite the tightness in her chest— as well as the butterflies in her stomach— a small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth; tipping her lips upward as she walked over to give herself another once-over in the mirror.

She looked impeccable, if she could say so herself. Her clothes were cute, all while remaining suited for whatever Kyōjurō had vaguely hinted at when they bumped into each other at the corridors— while they were on their way to their respective classes.

The phone in her pocket buzzed once more, indicating another text— yet she didn’t bother to check, as she already knew that it would be him telling her that he was outside. Normally, her enigmatic boyfriend would walk all the way up to the front door of her family home to pick her up but, since it was already ten in the evening, they opted for a much quieter exit.

After all, both of them didn’t want to disturb (Y/n)’s family— even though all of them were night owls.

So, without making too much noise, the young woman crept down the stairs and practically ran out the door as soon as she got her shoes on.

The moment she got past the gates though, she was highly confused not to see her boyfriend’s sedan. Instead, there was him, propped up against a sleek-looking motorcycle. The words ‘Harley-Davidson’ were emblazoned on the side of the red gas tank, but it was different from what she knew that brand’s motorcycles looked like.

For one, it wasn’t extremely big and imposing like those Western bike gangsters used. Then secondly, it looked… sexy, for lack of better term. And with Kyōjurō leaning against it with his arms crossed over his chest, all while donning a black leather jacket, white v-neck shirt, black pants, and black boots— he was quite a mouthwatering sight.

So much so that she found herself blushing madly while thinking such indecent thoughts; like how she would like to get fucked while he wore those clothes in bed.

As if the sight of him wasn’t enough to have (Y/n) swallowing thickly, the way he grinned at her as he closed the distance between them had her shaking her head to clear it of her improper thoughts.

Inevitably, she returned his grin with one of her own, just as she wrapped her arms around him and willingly accepted the kiss that he pressed against her lips.

“Were you in a rush to see me?” The young man joked, as his hands settled themselves on either side of his girlfriend’s waist and pulled her closer to him.

(Y/n)’s eyes widened at the teasing words, as her cheeks flared up with a blush. “N-no. I didn’t want my mother to see us again. You remember what happened last time…”

Kyōjurō chuckled at that, then moved to press another kiss against her lips; an action that had her blush deepening even more. “She told me not to bring you home until we gave her grandkids.”

A huffy sigh escaped the young woman’s lips at that, as she tried to push down the sheer horror that she felt at recalling such words from her own mother. It was the only time when she regretted staying to live with them, even though she could have moved into her own apartment years ago.

In her defense, her parents were getting old, so she took it upon herself to stay with them and help out around the house while her brother was at university. That, and her mother didn’t really want her to leave— at least, not until she was married.

“You could always move in with me, and then we can get started making those babies,” Kyōjurō offered on a whisper, trailing his lips up (Y/n)’s jaw and nipping at the shell of her ear before adding, “Fuck. Just the thought of filling you up with my cum every night to knock you up… it’s making me want to postpone tonight’s date and just take you to my apartment.”

It wasn’t that they had never had sex before but, even after a year of being together, (Y/n) still managed to blush at her boyfriend’s filthily sexy words. Hell, almost everything he said and did managed to make her blush.

Sometimes even her own students commented on her reactions to Kyōjurō— and the initial plan of keeping their relationship a secret at work was blown out of the water because they were simply too obvious.

When she didn’t answer, Kyōjurō merely chuckled and pulled her into a hug; nuzzling his face against the crook of her neck to hide just how amused her reaction had made him. If anything, he knew that she really disliked it when he found amusement in her flustered reactions; so he tried not to show her his own reactions, for her sake.

And with that, he pulled away from her— guiding her by the hand towards the motorcycle, and handing her one of the helmets that were perched on the seat. She accepted it gratefully, but looked at it with blatant confusion on her features.

Even the helmet looked so sleek and sexy.

“When did you get a motorcycle?” She asked, as her eyes flickered back to her lover. “I didn’t even know you could drive one.”

“I’ve always had this, but I lent it out to Senjurō to use until he got his own.”

“Senjurō? Isn’t he too young to drive?” (Y/n) sounded incredulous, even to herself— but she couldn’t help but worry over her boyfriend’s adorable little brother.

But it seemed that her worry was unfounded, since her boyfriend just chuckled as he helped her put the helmet on. “He’s nineteen, baby. He even has a permit and everything.”

With that, the blond man slipped his own helmet on, before mounting the bike. And when he was all settled, he held a hand out for his lover to take, as she gingerly straddled the seat— abruptly clinging on to his shoulders when the bike wobbled the tiniest bit when she was seated behind him.

She had never ridden a motorcycle before, so it stood to reason why she was so skittish— that and the fact that her soft-spoken nature had her feeling uncomfortably exposed with her legs parted so wide to accommodate Kyōjurō between them.

It wasn’t the first time he had been between her legs, but it still had her brain running so many wanton scenarios in her head.

“There’re foot pegs down there for you, baby,” He instructed softly, before reaching over his shoulder to close the visor to her helmet. “Hold on tight.”

She took his word for it and wrapped her arms around his middle— biting down on her bottom lip at the quiet moan that passed his lips when her hand slipped and inadvertently flicked his right nipple.

“If you keep doing that, I’m going to fuck you right here.”

That sexy threat immediately had her blushing, and keeping her hands flat against his abdomen— all while resisting the urge to trace his defined abdominal muscles through the smooth fabric of his shirt.

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to,” She squeaked out, only to be rewarded with a chuckle— as well as a comforting pat of his hand against her interlaced ones against his torso— before he made the bike roar to life.

(Y/n) couldn’t even describe how exhilarating it felt as they speeded away from her house, with their speed only increasing as the bike ate up miles and miles of road beneath it. They whizzed past cars on the highway, with Kyōjurō teasing her every once in a while, by going even faster than what was allowed.

She would cling tighter to him everytime he did it, and he would only laugh at her before slowing down considerably. It was a fun game he played to amuse both of them, but he couldn’t deny that it made him so genuinely happy— because he would hear (Y/n)’s exhilarated squeals of surprise whenever he sped up.

She might have been so afraid that she clung to him tight enough to make him breathless, but he wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Before long, they had already reached their destination: Sumida Park. There weren’t a lot of people walking by the riverbank, so that only meant more privacy for both (Y/n) and Kyōjurō.

They left the motorcycle at an allotted parking area, opting to just carry their helmets, in case someone had it in them to actually steal.

Hand-in-hand, and very content with the silence between them, the couple walked along the riverbank; simply enjoying the night views, even though it was proving to be a humid night.

“Aren’t you hot with that jacket?” (Y/n) asked softly, which had her lover looking over at her with a smile on his face.

He was so tempted to mess with her, but tamped the urge down in favor of admitting the truth. “It is a bit hot, but I don’t want everyone to think that you’re dating a yakuza.”

The young woman pursed her lips at that, before readjusting her grip on Kyōjurō’s hand. “I… I don’t mind. I want to see your tattoos, too.”

Never had she asked that of him before, so it really stumped Kyōjurō as he gingerly let go of her hand to take the stifling jacket off; slinging it onto his arm that held their helmets by the chin straps, before taking hold of (Y/n)’s hand once more.

Instead of continuing their walk though, both of them simply stayed where they were; as (Y/n)’s eyes took in the sexy lines of her boyfriend’s half-sleeve, bicep tattoo on his right arm. She could only see the arm two intricate arm band tattoos right above his elbow, as well as the tail of the dragon that coiled around his arm and finished on his back— but that was enough to have her feeling uncomfortably warm.

Especially between her legs.

It wasn’t helping that she also knew of the roman numeral date tattoo right by his left collar bone, that stood for his late mother’s birthday. She would often trace it with her tongue when they had sex, and she was finding it so inappropriate to want to do something so obscene in public— but her mind wouldn’t give her a break.

“Like what you see?” Kyōjurō teased quietly, which had her snapping up to attention and shaking her head to clear it of all the lascivious thoughts she was having. “Don’t worry, the feeling’s mutual. I love what I see.”

----

Story Notes: Kyō’s motorcycle is a Harley-Davidson Bronx. I initially wanted it to be a Ducati Streetfighter V4, but the Harley offered a much more pliable option for taking a passenger. 

And again, there will be a part two to get to the whole point of their date. 😂 I apologize, bbys. I need my sleep.

[blindedbythedarkness]

Josh,

I got confirmation today that I do indeed have a potentially life-threatening,  blood clotting autoimmune disease. So, that fucking sucks. Although, it was A who reminded me of the irony that as soon as I decide I want to live, I may not be allowed to quite so simply.

It’s really difficult to articulate all the things going through my head right now, but I just felt like you’d be the right person to listen. After all, I think there’s an element of grieving here and that’s something I’ve talked to you about plenty.

I mean, my initial feelings are anger. Anger and frustration. I admit when I first got the news (via letter, how very compassionate (!)) it was like I was playing Stereotypical Self Pity Bingo.

“Why me?! What did I do to deserve this?! Why can’t I just live a normal life?!”

But of fucking course I know it doesn’t work like that. Otherwise there wouldn’t be kids with cancer and good people dying at 20 while murderers and pedos manage a century on Earth. It just is, although that doesn’t bring much comfort.

After that is the fear, because I don’t want to die young. But more than that, there are fates worse than death and it’s those that petrify me. I’ve always found a small ounce of comfort in the fact that my current conditions, particularly the EDS, can’t affect my brain besides a little bit of brain fog on a bad day. But this? If I don’t control it, or if it doesn’t allow me to, strokes and dementia and severe disability are all very real possibilities. Obviously, there are people who have experienced these things and gone on to live happy lives. But for me, it really is my worst nightmare. My brain, despite the whole mental illness thing, doesn’t fail me on a daily basis like the rest of my body can. I’ve really come to value my clarity and my intelligence and not take it for granted. Losing it is just unthinkable. Plus....fuck, am I going to have to write a will already? I’m 22! I’m twenty-fucking-two?!

The other thing is the sheer frustration at life just becoming more difficult. More diagnoses means more medications, and more medications means more side effects and interactions and compromises. One of the drugs they want me to take is known to potentially fuck up your eyesight permanently if you take it long term. The other one isn’t recommended for people with other conditions I already have. So, I get to live perpetually in a hellish symptom equilibrium, while trying to minimize the chance of death. Not exactly the responsibility I signed up for.

Oh, and there’s the fact that this can cause infertility. Which makes me so fucking angry. There’s not many things I want in life. I haven’t exactly had time to accumulate a whole list given I’ve only wanted to live for like, the past two years, but children is one of them. A says he doesn’t mind, and I know adopting is an option. It’s something I’d consider doing, sure. But I’ve always wanted my own kids too. I don’t have any siblings and I just want someone else on this Earth who’s just a bit like me. Is that bad? Is that shallow? I don’t know. But plenty of others want it too, only I might not be permitted, by my own fucking body of all things! Plus, if I do manage it, who’s to say the shit they’ll have to dose me and inject me with to allow it to happen. Sure, it would be worth it. I want it that bad. But I fucking hate feeling like a walking pharmacy.

It’s just...it’s such fucking bullshit, Josh. Like, I’d say I’m pretty at peace with the whole death thing. I mean...I’m literally talking to a dead person right now (as if you hadn’t noticed, right?). Graveyards comfort me, I volunteer at a hospice and I’m not one of these people to dream of living forever. I don’t think I’m greedy when it comes to life. But that doesn’t mean I’m ready to go, I still want my allotted 80 or so years (and healthy, minimal suffering ones at that). I haven’t lived yet for fucks sake! I’m just getting started! And I can’t even decide to start tomorrow and seize the day because we’re stuck in the third fucking lockdown of a pandemic. I mean, it’s just cruel. I feel so impulsive right now. Like screaming “fuck it, nothing matters anyway!” and doing things I’ll regret. But I can’t, I shouldn’t.

Sure, I could live a long life. I’m not definitively doomed. But while other people can pretty much assume they’ll get to the age of perms and corduroy trousers unless they end up in a freak accident, I can’t do that. I’m not terminally ill, but my own body could kill me tomorrow. So, how the fuck do I live with that?

I don’t fucking know, maybe it’s wrong of me to be mourning a potential future when you won’t get one at all. They’re both situations I can’t really change. But, if anything Josh, knowing everything you missed out on just motivates me to live more. I want to live enough for both of us, and more. I want to live a life so crammed with good shit that I have whole bookshelves of photo albums and cumulative years of laughter.

Between you and me though, your being dead does comfort a small part of me in the situation. I don’t really believe in an afterlife, but if, if it turns out I’m wrong, then at least I won’t be alone. I hope like hell it’s years until I join you, Josh, but it brings me peace to know there would be someone there to greet me if we do go somewhere.

Anyway, thanks for listening to my ramblings, Josh. What can I say, you’re a good listener (c’mon, I’m hilarious).

Love always,

C

[ephemeral-writings]

Everything I Need // 05

oh sehun x reader

genre: angst, fluff

word count: 4.4k

Everything I Need // oh sehun teaches you a thing or two about life. but falling for the boy who lived across from you was not what you had anticipated.  

A/N– Hope you guys are doing well, staying safe and healthy. Please feel free to talk to me if you need a place to displace any anxiety you might have. Also, thank you to anyone that’s still reading this otl i’m sorry for the turtle--snail pace updates, but truly, thank you if you’re still showing interest in this story💓 Please leave me your thoughts!!! Enjoy reading!! 

Also, happy birthday to the love of my life, oh sehun; you’ve been my muse since day one and you’ll be my muse until the end. 

Part 01 / Part 02 / Part 03 / Part 04 / Part 05

//////

Somehow the dinners with Sehun became a common part of your routine. You would come home from your shift some nights, and Sehun, as if he had memorized your schedule, would knock on your door just minutes after you had returned, asking you if you had eaten yet. Before you knew it, a month had flown by, and then another half. 

A friendship, dare you say, was beginning to bloom between you and Sehun; however, whatever feelings you had reserved for the man was left unexplored. 

Sehun proved to be a man full of surprises, a new layer of his personality unveiling itself with every time you met up. One minute he’d be a gentleman, grilling meats and plating them on your plate before his own, or swapping dishes with you if you expressed even a mild dislike to the food you decidedly ordered. But next, he’d be teasing you nonstop about your small quirks like your tendency to neatly clean up after a meal-- you called it server tendency-- or how you might have a more serious case of RBF than he does. That argument was still up for debate.

Sehun, from the moments you’re allowed to ponder the man, was nothing you’d expected. His quiet nature that you once thought was from a place of cockiness and judgment turned out to be him being quite the shy and soft-spoken man. His actions, however, were what struck you the most surprised. Like when he’d randomly press his palm to your lower back whenever he ushers you back into your apartment at the end of the night, as if his body had naturally adapted to being close to you; or when he’d stare so intently into your eyes while you’re talking, towering over you easily with his stature, that you feel like he’s looking right into the depths of your soul-- the theatrics of it all was disconcerting. For the most part, despite all the chords he struck somewhat unconsciously, you were set in favor of his presence. 

The end of November was creeping in, and so was the cold weather. You realized that once you began layering a long-sleeve underneath your work shirt, and Chanyeol’s music was becoming a new definition of cozy. 

“So,” Chanyeol started. “My friend hooked me up with a gig this weekend. I’m thinking about inviting my partner. Thoughts? Comments? Suggestions?” He listed off as you’re both closing for the night. You’re closing out the register while Chanyeol stacked the chairs and swept the floor. 

“Give me a sec. You know better than to talk to me while I’m counting, Yeol,” you grumbled, finishing off your till five minutes later. “Okay, what’s up?” 

“I’m looking at this opportunity to show off my music a little, ya know? Plus, she’s also been more responsive, less edgy. Do you think she’ll agree to go?” 

“It doesn’t hurt to ask.” You offered. “Where’s this again?” 

“A pretty popular club among the kids at uni actually, called Love Shot,” he said. “You heard of it?” 

You racked through your head at the familiar name, and you finally realize that it was the club that Sehun worked at. 

“Yeah,” you said, nonchalantly before adding, “Went there for a party once.” 

Chanyeol stopped sweeping all together and looked at you as if you had five heads growing out of your neck. “Wait, you went to a party? At a club?” He half asked, half accused, and you almost got offended by his tone of voice, when he added, “And I wasn’t invited?” 

You reddened at the realization at how pathetic you must look to other people when you’ve quite successfully hermit yourself from social events, to the point that even Chanyeol finds it unbelievable. “Whatever, Yeol, that isn’t important right now. We’re talking about you.” 

“Nu-uh, this changes things. I wasn’t gonna pressure you to come because I know how you are,” you frown deeply at that, to which Chanyeol only points a knowing brow at you. “But, now you have to come, Y/N. You could wing-man me!” He exclaimed as if it was the most ingenious idea he had ever manifested. 

“First of all, I don’t know the first thing about wingmanning, you don’t want me to wingman-- or is it wingwoman? you, dude.” You quickly objected to the idea flat out. You could just see it now, you trying to hype Chanyeol and inadvertently making him look stupid instead(not that he doesn’t play part in that himself alone), and by the end of it, you’ll probably make a fool of yourself by trying to rectify what was never there to begin with. 

“Please, Y/N,” he begged. “I want you there when I perform some of my new stuff.”

Chanyeol tried persuading you to go watch him perform at Love Shot for the remainder of the night until you finally relented. You don’t really even know why you’re so hesitant on going, but thinking about the night of Jongdae’s birthday makes your stomach churn anxiously. 

“Shit, it’s raining,” Chanyeol said when you’ve both clocked out. He nudged you with an elbow, saying, “Let’s go, I’ll drive you home.” 

Chanyeol drove a Jeep, one that you find very difficult to get in and out of, but you suppose a free ride home was better than getting caught in the rain. 

“You wanna come up? I could make something for us to eat?” You offered when nearing your apartment. 

“Sure,” Chanyeol shrugged, claiming anything was better than cereal for dinner. He parked his Jeep in the allotted spot for your unit and cut the engine while you’re pulling your hood over your head for the oncoming rain. “Wanna race?” 

“You could run, but you’ll slip and end up hurting yourself.” You chortled, imagining his lumber worth of limbs flailing in the air. Chanyeol ends up half walking, half jogging, heeding your warning as an afterthought than anything else. 

While you’re searching for your keys in your purse, footsteps coming up the stairs and voices belonging to young men echoes through the hall. It was Sehun, and he had friends with him--one of which you’ve met before in passing when he had dropped by Sehun’s place while you were also over(for only 5 minutes as you had to use his printer because yours had jammed). 

“Oh, it’s you again,” the guy aforementioned spoke, greeting you brightly afterwards. You returned the greeting, ever as awkward, shooting a less stiff one to Sehun as well while he returned a thoughtful look that had your cheeks warming. 

“Hi, I’m Baekhyun,” he said, thrusting a hand forward for Chanyeol to take.

“Park Chanyeol,” he replied, voice booming loudly, though not unkindly. 

The other man seemed familiar, and you realized after a closer look, it was the other bartender you saw the night of Jongdae’s birthday; he introduces himself as Kim Jongin. 

“Did you just get off?” It was Sehun who asked the question that was directed towards you. You nodded, characteristically shy from the attention of both Sehun and his friends. 

Something suddenly clicked in Chanyeol’s head then-- you distinctly recognize the spark that flashes across his pupils-- and you think absolutely nothing good could come from whatever he has working in his head. 

“We just got off; we work together. And you are?” Chanyeol questioned, tone nosy and maybe a tad bit menacing, but maybe it was because you knew him better. Sehun, having gone quieter than usual, simply tells him his name with no further insertion that would’ve qualmed Chanyeol’s brewing curiosity. 

“What a coincidence, these two work together, too,” Baekhyun said, gesturing towards Sehun and Jongin, and because Chanyeol felt like conjuring his inner Holmes, he inquired the said place in which the two--

“Awe fuck,” you thought, brain finally catching up with Chanyeol’s, and with the help of Baekhyun, Chanyeol’s formless scheme began taking shape. 

“No shit,” Chanyeol said, stretching out the first word as he turns to you with a sadistic almost-grin. You glared at him, attempting not to wear the anxiety on your face that could possibly, wordlessly confirm his suspicions that might or might not have already gone too far into his head. Chanyeol doesn’t mind your silent pleas to shut up. 

As the silent(and painful, for you) interaction between you and Chanyeol transpired, the three male stared, perplexed by the whole ordeal; one man in particular being more bothered by it than the rest. 

Sehun hadn’t expected you to talk about him to your friends or anything(even though he does to his’), but he’d be lying if the revelation didn’t strike him as surprising, or made him a tad bit upset. 

“Is something wrong?” Baekhyun eventually asked with a wry smile, breaking the tension between you and Chanyeol . 

Chanyeol promptly turned to them, slapping on his wide and creepy smile as he explained, “Y/N gets moody when she’s hungry, and she’s supposed to be making us food right about now.” They laughed hesitantly, not quite sure what to make of Chanyeol’s statement, until Sehun spoke up. 

“Don’t let us keep you, then.” Sehun nodded curtly, and without further ado, marched into his apartment with Baekhyun and Jongin following. Once they were out of sight, Chanyeol steered you into your own unit, muttering, “Guess I’m staying a little later than planned.” 

-

The week goes by bizarrely quick, what with Chanyeol’s constant tormenting through work and text. After that night, according to him, Sehun was your secret boyfriend whom you’ve been hiding, which was absolutely ridiculous, and you never failed to reject the notion every single time it was brought up. 

Thu 15:21 delivered 

‘Stop. Tagging. Me. In’

15:22 delivered

‘Relationship memes.’

Yeol Thu 15:24 received 

‘im being supportive’

‘its ur first relationship after all’

Chanyeol sent with the stupid face emoji blowing in a tissue attached to his message.

Thu 15:25 delivered

‘im blocking u’

In a blink of an eye, the weekend was at your doorstep. You spent over half an hour agonizing over what to wear, fumbled with your scant collection of makeup only to end up with a few strokes here and there to brighten your dull complexion and to open up your eyes from the evident lack of sleep, and in the end, you looked...decent. 

Suddenly, your phone dinged from across the room where it was charging. Chanyeol was reminding you that he was going on at 9pm, and also telling you how nervous he was because he just saw Eun walk in. 

20:24 delivered 

‘go say hi to her!!’

Yeol 20:25 received

‘GOING’

‘pray i don’t choke’

You grinned, sending him all the luck in the universe so that he doesn’t make a fool of himself. He’s worried about nothing, you thought, for Chanyeol was a kind, thoughtful, and humble guy, not that you’d ever tell him that yourself. Likewise, you’d like to think that he saw the good in you, despite it being so difficult for those qualities to reflect in your eyes, and it was why your friendship was so easy. 

As you’re walking out, your phone dinged again. It wasn’t from Chanyeol, but Sehun instead. 

Sehun 20:34 received

‘Hey, did I just see your friend at loveshot?’

‘Chanyeol? I think’

20:34 delivered

‘yeah, he said he’s performing there tonight’

You debated adding the fact that you were heading there right then, when suddenly, you contemplated your state of emotions, whether you were excited or anxious to see Sehun again, at Loveshot no less. It was certainly out of your comfort zone, hence the anxiety that bubbled away in your stomach, but Sehun was familiar now and Chanyeol’s a close friend, so it shouldn’t be that terrible. Right? 

Sehun didn’t reply immediately, to which you assumed was due to the fact that he was presently on duty. You arrived shortly after, seeing a decent sized queue outside of the club. You were about to shoot a text to Chanyeol to let him know you’d arrived when two messages came in at the same time. 

Yeol 20:52 received

‘U here yet?’

Sehun 20:52 received

‘does that mean i’ll see you tonight?’

Ignoring the latter message that short circuited your mind for a second, you responded to Chanyeol’s, and not two minutes later, he emerged from the club’s entrance, peeking around the crowd for your small stature. 

“Y/N!” He beckoned you over, whispered something to the bouncer’s ear, and you’re both walking back into the lively albeit dim space before you knew it. Chanyeol’s looking the best you had ever seen him; dressed to the nines in his dark denim over white graphic hoodie, paired with ripped, black jeans and chains draped along his right thigh, you think that this Eun girl would be a fool if she couldn’t see his efforts to impress her when Chanyeol lives in essentially five different hoodies. 

“I’m actually shocked that you made it, was sort of expecting you to flake last minute,” Chanyeol said, giving your outfit a subtle once-over and grinning when you rolled your eyes at him. You’re wearing a tight-fitting tank top, one that has lace edging the bust and cropped to your midriff, and to cover up from the cold, you wore a cropped black puffer jacket. Your bottom’s a pair of black high waisted jeans, the slightly flared at the ankles making you look longer than you really are especially with your ankle boots. 

“But then again, your secret boyfriend is working tonight, so maybe you’re really here for him, who knows,” he smirked with mirth swimming in his eyes. At that, you remembered Sehun’s message, its implications bringing warmth to your cheeks.

You shoved the tall idiot with an elbow, though it does little to affect him. He’s cackling to himself stupidly all the way until you both reach the bar, a destination you hadn’t noticed you were even heading towards, not with how Chanyeol’s dumb teasing had distracted you, making your cheeks flushed and heart race for nothing. Subtly, you scanned the vicinity for Sehun but spotted him nowhere in sight.

It was Jongin instead that took notice of you first. “Hey, it’s you again,” he said, voice throaty and silvery at the same time. The tone could easily be menacing had it not been for the kindness floating in his orbs or the disarming half-smile he gives you, as if he knew something that you didn’t. 

You managed a polite smile in response before Chanyeol abruptly pushed on your shoulders, forcefully planting you on one of the chairs, directly in front of the bar.

“I’m gonna head up now,” he tells you. “Get yourself comfortable before I introduce you to Eun later, cool?�� 

Letting go of your petty bickering for a moment, you gave his forearms a placatory squeeze while wishing him good luck and off he went. 

“Can I grab you something to drink?” Jongin asked when Chanyeol was out of sight. You told him the same thing you told Sehun last time, giving him the freedom to choose for you. 

“Sehun’s slacking off somewhere,” Jongin said suddenly, distracting you from watching Chanyeol as he introduced himself. You clapped along with the crowd, though your brain had separated itself and you could only respond to Jongin with a questioning look. What made him think you were looking for Sehun? 

“Oh,” he exclaimed, staring over your right shoulder. “Speaking of the devil.” 

Sehun ignored the other boy all together, only looking at you as he spoke. “Hey, you never answered my text.” You turned to face him, his expression at first hard then gradually dissolving into something softer the longer he stared at you; he was in his uniform again, minus the velvet bow tie and plaid vest that you assume was specially worn for Jongdae’s birthday event. Even with just the striped button down, a few buttons undone from the top, he managed to garner more looks than you could’ve imagine. His arm goes to prop himself on the countertop as he leaned closer to you since his height was towering over you and glaringly so. You caught a whiff of his scent as you breathed in, attempting to calm your nerves, but laced with the familiar seaside breeze came the all too familiar acrid smell of cigarettes. It was nowhere near the stench that clung to your father’s breath, clothes, and skin, but the effect was there nonetheless.

“Y/N?” Sehun had repeated your name twice before you realized where you were, who he was, and how far you were from the past. His hand had barely grazed your arm when you snapped out of it, unknowingly with a recoil under his touch, something that doesn’t go unnoticed by both Sehun and Jongin. The former leaned in even closer, and asked in a hushed tone, “You okay?” 

Not trusting your voice, you only nodded while giving him a weak smile. “I - need to use the restroom, excuse me.” You tried to ignore Sehun’s imploring gaze on you as you got up and walked towards the direction of where the restrooms were.

“Get it together, Y/N,” you muttered under your breath as you stared at your reflection in the mirror. You willed your mind to focus on something-- anything-- that was presently in front of you, needed to get a grip on reality. It felt like your brain was being dissected, that your eyes were so distanced and while out of one window you saw your reflection, pale and panic stricken, you also saw your childhood home. You saw your father sitting in his chair with a lit cigarette between his fingers, and his face looking so far gone that he doesn’t even notice you standing right in front of him.  

“Well, well,” a voice started, echoing so suddenly on the tiles of the restroom that the image of your father dissipates all together at once. “It looks like my night just got a whole lot more interesting.” 

You turned your head, finally grasping onto something real, however unfortunate it was to be no one other than Liah. You groaned internally, from the dull pain in your head or from the prospect of the upcoming headache that the girl will cause? Take a wild guess. 

“Wow, didn’t know my existence had such an influence on you. I’m flattered,” you said, face blank as ever. 

Liah clucked her tongue, looking annoyed which was no surprise to you. “Don’t be a smartass, Y/N, no one likes a smart,” she drawled. This time you outwardly rolled your eyes, turning to the mirror again as you prepare to tie up your hair. It was getting uncomfortable with how heated your skin got after your little episode. 

“But I suppose it’s an upgrade from being a coward, hmm?” She mocked sympathy as if you keeping quiet to her belittling all those years ago wasn’t a result of how miserable she made your life. 

You’re trying hard not to lose your cool because the last thing you wanted was to stir something up that frankly shouldn’t be touched. But the word coward pulsates in your ears, clinging adamantly to your memory as it digs and digs for all the names your father has called you, worser than coward. Liah doesn’t mean shit to you, not anymore, you told yourself. 

You’ve washed your hand after successfully tying up your hair; it’s messy and unruly but you tell yourself it’s a damn look, especially as you turned, once again, to stare at Liah directly in the eye, and said, “Smartass or coward, I’d rather be those than someone who feeds off of other’s weaknesses.” 

If you’d bothered to stay and watch Liah’s reaction, you would’ve seen the utter hatred within her eyes as she tried to stare you into the submission she once did. 

You headed back to the bar, thankfully unscathed, but the unwelcome trip down memory lane mired your thoughts as you tried to recomposed yourself. 

Jongin was the one who caught your approaching figure first. He nudged Sehun who was polishing a glass by his side before taking a few steps away to tend to some patrons, leaving you and Sehun alone. Well, alone as alone could be when you’re standing in the middle of a packed club. 

You plopped back on the same chair from earlier, making as little eye contact as possible with the man. 

“You’re flushed,” Sehun bluntly noted. He stopped what he was doing to really look at you. With your hair up, there’s no hiding the rosy hue painting your cheeks and ears. You’d feel too hot with it down, so you bear Sehun’s scrutiny for the moment. 

“Because it’s getting hot in here,” you said in a ‘duh’ tone. “Are you making my drink again?” 

Sehun squinted at you before deciding to drop questioning your suspicious behavior. “Do you want sex-” 

“You don’t have to say the name, y’know,” you tell him quickly, a little panicked and fully blushing. Sehun outrightly smirked and somewhere between the music playing, you imagined Jongin’s laughter. 

“Your friend’s growing a fanclub up there,” he said, starting on the drink. 

You spun in your seat to see that Chanyeol indeed has some girls fawning over him. A few more tenacious ones slid, not-so-discreetly, crumpled up napkins with what you assume to have scribbled phone numbers on them. You gave credit that Chanyeol politely declined all advances on the spot; with a boyish grin and shake of his head, no one could get mad at that. It made him appear professional, but you also didn’t miss the way he would glance at a certain someone every time it happened. 

You snort while muttering, “Way to be subtle.” 

“What was that?” Sehun voiced. 

Turning your body back around to face him again, you said, “Nothing. Just that there’s gonna be some hearts broken, is all.” 

You don’t notice the way Sehun’s grip on the tumbler becomes tighter from your words. 

Sehun, for the most part, kept you company for the night. Jongin jumped in every once in a while, and you found him to be quite the clumsy yet the most suavest guy you’d ever met. He reminded you of another tall ogre and that in itself was something that allowed you to release your inhibitions for the night. 

“Alright, alright,” you slurred, “What do you call a bear with no teeth?” 

Jongin squinted at you, seemingly deep in thought, and opened his mouth to answer but someone else had beaten him to it.  

“A gummy bear! Why’re you going around telling my jokes?” Chanyeol blurted. He took advantage of the slouched over position you were in to give you a noogie. 

“Ugh, get your crummy hands off of me,” you groaned in protest, not bothering to lift your head to glare at the man. Instead your eyes settled the girl standing next to Chanyeol. “Oh? You must be Eun.”

“And you must be Y/N,” the girl smiled, and you could’ve sworn you heard Chanyeol’s heart beat right out of his chest. She offered you her hand, and before grabbing it, you suppressed the tickle in your bloodstream. You looked more sober in that split second than you probably felt.  

“Jeez, how much did she have to drink?” Yeol asked the two tenders. 

“Not too much,” Jongin supplied. “We cut her off after she started reciting psych theories to us,” he continued, to which you sing-songed replied with, “The more you know.” 

It made Eun giggle so that’s all that mattered. She easily slid into the seat next to you, and left Chanyeol towering over behind you two. Seeing as you were getting acquainted, he excused himself to go talk “business” with the owner. 

“Don’t go trying to make yourself sound cooler than you really are, Yeol,” you reprimanded, earning a half-smirk-half-shy-grin from Eun. Jongin offered to show Chanyeol the way to the owner’s office, leaving Sehun to tend once more. You whined for another cocktail, but the man remained steady in his stance to cut you off for the night. Eun doesn’t drink, so he offers her, and yourself, some club soda instead.

Eun was surprisingly easy to talk to; her voice seemed to lull you in like a siren and you think-- it’s no wonder Chanyeol was so taken by her. You have half a mind to straightforwardly tell her, “you know--  Chanyeol’s like-- ready to bust the fattest uwu for you, right?” but then that didn’t seem quite the way to go. You snort like an idiot, stopping Eun mid-sentence. Sehun and Eun exchanged looks. 

“You okay there, darling?” It was Eun who asked you while Sehun simultaneously mumbled, “Maybe we should’ve stopped at the first drink.” 

You repeatedly tell them “no, no no it’s not that,” but “I was just thinking about how good you and Chanyeol would be - together.” 

There was a pregnant silence after that, and you realized that wow, that was a big Not-a-Good-Wingwoman thing to say. Eun looked thoroughly blindsided, and if you could see clearly enough, you would’ve seen the quirk in her lips by your honest words. You let out an indignant sound from your throat, ready to apologize for your stupidity, when Eun suddenly let out an awkward but hearty laughter. Sehun had appeared amused whereas you looked like a fish out of its bowl. 

“Thank you, for saying that,” she smiled, making you beam in relief. You knew then that there was more to Eun than you realized. Her eyes glimmered with hope, or maybe it was apprehension, at the prospect of Chanyeol’s affection. 

Right then, Chanyeol’s voice boomed, “Alright, ladies,” startling both you and Eun. “Deal’s been sealed. You’re looking at a regular DJ of Loveshot,” he boasted, and as if you had planned it, you both rolled your eyes followed by the mandatory kudos, even by Sehun himself. 

“You girls ready to go?” Chanyeol asked. 

At the same time that Eun replied yes, you chimed, “I’m gonna stick around for a bit.” Chanyeol sent you a doubtful look, to which you fail-winked back at him while Eun wasn’t looking; he smiled, grateful at first, but then it morphed into something mischievous when he detected the man behind the bar watchful gaze on you. 

“Right then,” he echoed, then stared at Sehun when he asked, “Do you mind taking her home?”

Sehun, who had really only glanced at Chanyeol when he spoke to him, returned his eyes on you, and asked, “Do you mind waiting a bit?” 

How he manages to sound so soft and gentle yet all the same impassive in his speech unnerved you. You found yourself shaking your head, agreeing with him and whatever was to come. 

[bigskydreaming]

Ok so everyone and their mama is being resurrected on Krakoa and so many people in marvel have gone through the revolving door that is death. So please tell me just one little thing. Where is Irene Adler? Is she still dead? If not, then why is she only just now being brought back? Why is one of the most iconic imo queer couples still suffering? #GiveMystiqueHerWife #LetMyWLWBeHappy #BringDestinyBack

She is still dead, but she hasn’t been forgotten - this is actually a long-running subplot Marvel laid down, though I’m with you in wanting them to Get To It already. My guess is we’ll start to see more building towards this particular plotline once X of Swords is done, though it won’t actually be the NEXT major storyline. Just a hunch, but my bet is the next focal storyline the X-books concentrate on after X of Swords wraps up is the conflict brewing with the Children of the Vault, after Darwin, Laura and Synch got taken prisoner by them in one of the earlier issues of the core X-Men title. 

Alternatively, the next major focus is going to be on what’s brewing under the surface with Vulcan (though its also possible these are going to be one and the same. Gabe’s stories have always been linked with Darwin’s more than anyone else, and given that he’s front and central to whatever’s front and central with whatever’s coming with the CotV, it wouldn’t surprise me if our next face to face with Gabe’s ‘dark side’ ties into that same story. Ugh, Gabe going all Emperor Vulcan again and teaming up with the Children of the Vault....now there’s a scary thought. But dammit, just let Gabe be good, I’m so tired of this ‘there’s something just innately dark and evil inside of him’ crap, bleh. BUT I DIGRESS).

But anyway, the thing with Destiny is actually an ongoing subplot. Back in Powers of X, it was explicitly ‘decided’ by Moira, Xavier and Magneto that they were actively going to try and keep any precogs from being resurrected on Krakoa, including - and ESPECIALLY Irene - because basically, they’re afraid of the precogs, and the fact that there’s no hiding from them Xavier’s big secret.....for all his big talk, he doesn’t actually know what the HELL he’s doing. The thing they’re hiding from everyone else is that they actually already TRIED the Great Krakoa experiment at least once before, or at least to some degree, though we do know they’ve done at least some things differently this time around. 

But that was the future shown in Powers of X, where Moira ended up living 1000 years into the future before dying and resetting the timeline....and coupled with the fact that the three of them believe that they’re now on the LAST of Moira’s predicted eleven lifetimes, this is their last chance to ‘get it right’ so to speak, and to find a way forward that allows the mutant race to survive and flourish past any of the endpoints Moira’s previous lives and foreknowledge have shown....

Basically, the fear seems to be that if everyone else on Krakoa knew this background for how they came up with all of this and the futures they’re trying to avoid, as well as the fact that quite simply, they do not know if the course they’ve charted this time is going to be any more capable of circumventing the doom they keep butting up against lifetime after lifetime....this would undermine all faith in them and what they’re doing, and fracture the tenuous alliances that so far have everyone from the X-Men to Apocalypse and Sinister and Selene all working side by side. 

They ‘built’ modern Krakoa according to blueprints gleaned from actual knowledge of the future.....but they’re afraid of competing blueprints getting in the way of the road they’ve taken everyone down and derailing their own plan of action. Especially if everyone else were to find out that for all their confidence, they can’t say with certainty the road this time around is going to actually lead where they’re trying to go....and that in fact, they actually have a track record of a good half a dozen previous attempts where they got it disastrously wrong.

So even though Xavier explicitly promised Raven that he would resurrect Irene in exchange for her cooperation and her place on the Quiet Council.....he, Magnus and Moira have been shown meeting in secret to say that they are actually deadset against that happening. But Raven is no fool of course, and she’s suspected from the start that Xavier’s just playing her, and he has no intention of ever resurrecting Irene. (I mean, she was married to the man once, after all, as blergh as that Bendis-bite was. I may think it made for a spectacularly shitty and pointless story, but just saying, few people know how much shit Xavier is full of better than Mystique does). 

So we’ve been treated to scenes of Raven brooding deep in her underground Krakoan lair over a glance of wine and an angsty look at Irene’s old mask, vowing “I’ll get you yet, Xavier, and your little dog too,” because idk, why pass up a good Wicked Witch of the West allusion when its right there. Mystique works hard for her Brand, let her enjoy it.

She definitely knows the game that’s afoot, and she has no intention of letting Xavier get away with it. So she’s very clearly scheming on how to circumvent him and get the Five to resurrect Irene without Xavier’s help....but that’s easier said than done. She either needs leverage to force his hand, while still probably not knowing for sure WHY he’s stalling or trying to avoid bringing back Irene, and thus having no way to judge exactly HOW deadset against it he is, and thus how great of leverage she’d actually need to pull that off...or else, she needs a telepath she can trust (or y’know, trust that she has them securely in her pocket) but who also is strong enough to take Xavier’s place in the resurrection/brain download process....as well as needing access to the Cerebro archives where the back-ups of everyone’s consciousnesses are stored. 

(Incidentally, part of how Xavier’s been stalling here is he’s claimed once or twice that he only has back-ups stored of mutant consciousnesses from the point when he started actually preserving them, and Irene died BEFORE he started doing this so he just doesn’t have her in Cerebro, but this is pretty blatantly a lie. He brought back Petra and Sway, after all, and they very definitively died LONG before David killed Irene on Muir Island back in the day).

But yeah, I’m as impatient as anyone to see Irene back in action in all her chaotic cryptic glory, and for Raven/Irene to finally fucking rise the way they deserve. And oh holy hell is Raven’s wrath going to be an absofuckinglutely beautiful thing once she finally has her proof that Xavier - her ex-husband, lol, oh X-Men soap opera tangles - has been lying and scheming to keep her wife dead all this time. Like she’s literally said the words “I will burn Krakoa to the ground,” and I mean, its Raven. When she talks about razing Rome to ashes, she’s not joking. The woman does not bluff. She lies, she deceives, she steals, but she never ever fucking bluffs. There’s a big storm coming here and this particular one’s name is Hurricane Raven, not Ororo Munroe. I want it, and I want it nooooooooooow, lol, but I can’t actually claim that this has been overlooked by Marvel rather than just allotted a time table that isn’t to my liking because - 

OH I DON’T KNOW ITS NOT LIKE WE HAVEN’T ALREADY BEEN WAITING FOR THE RETURN OF IRENE ADLER FOR 84 BAJILLION FUCKING YEARS ALREADY, LIKE LOGAN HAS LITERALLY GONE TO HELL AND BACK A DOZEN TIMES SINCE IRENE FIRST EXITED PURSUED BY BEAR AND JEAN’S ASCENDED AND DE-PHOENIXED SO MANY TIMES DEATH HAS BASICALLY HANDED HER A PUNCH CARD THAT’S REDEEMABLE FOR ONE FREE RESURRECTION AFTER ITS ALL FULL AND C’MOOOOOOON. 

I mean.

WILDSIDE is back. After dying in Neverland in Tieri’s Weapon X run, RICHARD FREAKING GILL was brought back to life before IRENE FUCKING ADLER, I would simply like to express my undying HOOOOOOWWWWW??? to that. 

BUT.

I.

DIGRESS.

Ahem. Sorry, I just have very strong opinions on the subject of Irene, lololol. And well, everything. I probably have strong opinions on kumquats and I can’t actually recall at the moment if I’ve ever even eaten one or if I’m just particularly fond of that word and the saying of it. Look, you get what I mean.

Anyway, yeah. We’re getting Irene back eventually. There’s absolutely no way we’re not at this point. Even my cynicism can’t pretend otherwise. They haven’t just left Chekhov’s gun locked and loaded sitting on the mantlepiece here, they commissioned an entire arsenal of Chekhov’s guns and renamed them Irene Adler’s guns in her honor and left them all gift-wrapped on the front porch. Its coming. Its just not. Here YET. (Cut to me being a five year old on a long car ride are we there yet are we there yet are we there yet how bout now - )

So yeah. That’s the scoop, the skinny, the shit(ake mushroom) on this particular subject.

Incidentally, on a related note, I am still of the opinion that pretty much all of Powers of X was one giant red herring, and the real direction all of this is building towards, with Moira, with the Five and the resurrection protocols.......ultimately, I think its all really been about IRENE’S machinations from the start, and Moira and Charles have actually been marching to the beat of HER drum ever since the very first time Irene and Moira encountered each other way back in Moira’s fourth lifetime.

Basically, I think it allllllllll really comes back to the fact that....

Irene Adler is a beautiful fucking liar who lies as only Raven Darkholme’s One True Love possibly can, and she played Moira like a fiddle from Day Fucking ONE.

Full theory on that can be found here:

https://bigskydreaming.tumblr.com/post/188290623176/so-house-of-x-2plot-hole-or-lie-when-destiny

[purplesurveys]

984

Have you ever tried Turkish Delight? No. I’ve looked up photos of it before and it has genuinely never looked appealing; sorry to those who are delighted (heh heh) by them :/ I’m willing to try it if I ever get the chance, but I really doubt that I’ll enjoy.

Do you have a Vietnamese restaurant in your town or city? They’re a lot less common than other Asian restaurants, but I think we do have a fair share, yeah. The most common are banh mi joints. I think the reason why they aren’t super popular in my country is that Vietnamese dishes tend to be veggie-heavy - at least that’s the impression of most people here - and with Filipinos loving rice and meat in everything they eat, other cuisines simply end up being more popular, like Thai and Chinese.

Do you or have you ever owned a portable gaming console? Yes; we had a couple of PSPs and a DSi as kids. These days, we have a Switch.

Have you ever been in a car with a sunroof? Yeah the Vitara has one. It’s my favorite trick to pull off whenever a friend is riding with me in it for the first time, haha. Everyone always gets so excited about it.

Do you have to have an occasion to eat out or do you just do it for fun? Back in college I allotted a certain portion of my weekly allowance to be able to eat out once or twice a week. Food is the way to my heart and happiness and it just felt good to have nice food, man. I didn’t want to have to wait for occasions to be able to eat at my favorite restaurants.

Have you opened a letter today? No, I haven’t.

How far away is the closest cinema from your house? It’s around a 10-15 minute drive.

Have you ever been to the emergency room? Nope.

Are you one of those people who can’t go without their morning coffee? I wasn’t for a very long time, but it’s starting to become that way now that I’ve started having a regular 9-6 shift. I find that I’m way crankier and am prone to crying from anxiety if I don’t make myself a cup of coffee. When I do, I feel super productive and more motivated to do work.

Have you ever worn fake eyelashes? Twice. Once for junior prom and the next was for my college grad photo shoot.

Do you know the story of how your parents met? If so, tell me? They both started out as part of the kitchen crew in a luxury hotel in the city, my mom as a waitress and my dad as a cook. My mom started pursuing my dad when she discovered what school he came from lol because priorities, I guess.

What is your favorite Chinese food? Minced pork with eggplants is a huge favorite of mine. Xiao long bao and pork buns (steamed or baked) are also suuuuuper good.

Would you ever work at a movie theater? Probably not at this point in my life. It would’ve been a nice gig during college.

Do you have a phone charger in your car? Yessir. I need one since I constantly use Waze to get to anywhere for both directions and traffic updates, and the LTE I need for that drains my battery.

Do you live far from your parents? No, they’re like 10 steps away, in another room.

Have you ever submitted a video to Funniest Home Videos? Nope. I always loved the videos though and the show made up a big part of my childhood.

Have you ever been attracted to an authority figure? I’ve found several teachers attractive before, yeah. The biggest crush I had was on my biology teacher...I think everyone else had a crush on her too lol, she was the personification of beauty and brains.

Do you think you have a wide vocabulary? I mean I guess I know more words than most people my age...but I also feel that my vocabulary still would’ve been a lot wider if I just continued to read well into my teenage years and now as a young adult.

What was the last hot food you ate? Lumpia.

Have you ever seen a meteor shower? I don’t think so.

Describe your current position: I’m sitting up on my bed, laptop on my lap, right leg outstretched with my left leg tucked underneath it.

Have you used a microwave today? It’s only 5:01 AM, so I haven’t. We’ll see about today.

What was the last electronic device you purchased? I don’t really buy electronics. I’m more likely to buy accessories for the stuff I already have, and the last one I got was a new case for my phone.

Have you ever slept through an alarm? I think so; only a few times though. I wake up from them easily.

Do you have any celebrity crushes? Kristen Stewart and Kate Winslet are where it’s at for me, y’all.

Do you prefer going out for coffee or brewing your own? I can go either way. Coffee is coffee. I don’t mind making my own for convenience, or paying a few hundred bucks for a little more quality coffee.

Have you consumed caffeine today? If so, in what form? Yeah I have a cup of 3-in-1 barako coffee beside me. I actually made this cup at like, 7 PM last night...then I fell asleep for a bit, woke up at midnight, fucked around for a few hours and now I’m back to drinking it at 5 AM, ha.

Do you have lactose intolerance or know anyone who does? I have a mild case of it. It’s not a complete disaster for me to eat cheese or consume milk, and I wouldn’t say that my trips to the bathroom afterwards are emergencies. My body has for the most part been nice to me, hahaha.

Do you know anyone who follows a raw vegan diet and lifestyle? Not to my knowledge, no.

Have you killed a bug this week? Probably.

What was the first food you learned how to cook? I followed a recipe for onion rings a few months ago and that was super fun, but I haven’t followed that up yet so I dunno if it’s right to say I ‘learned’ it. 

Do you have a Bachelor’s degree? If so, what in? Journalism.

How many email accounts do you have? Four, but honestly I barely use the Outlook one anymore. I have three main email addresses on Gmail.

Can you go see a doctor alone or do you like to take someone with you? My parents come with me because they take care of the finances and insurance that go with things like that.

Have you ever made your own pasta noodles from scratch? Hmm, I don’t think so.

How long is your average shower? 5-10 minutes.

How close is the nearest park from your house? We don’t have any public parks because my country sucks, but my village has a few small parks that residents can flock to and walk their dogs in or bring their kids to play in or whatever. The nearest one is a 10-15 minute walk or a 2-minute drive away, depending on how you prefer to get there. Which household chore do you hate the most? Cleaning up dog pee.

Have you ever been to an all-you-can-eat buffet? So many times. They’re very common here and there are a lot of restaurants that solely have a buffet gimmick. Sambo Kojin was my favorite, and I’m really hoping their business wasn’t affected by this stupid virus.

Can you see out any windows from where you are? Yup.

Do you like pineapple on pizza? No, but I also don’t like pineapples and all other fruits.

What color is your soap? Green or white. I don’t really pay attention.

Is anything bothering you right now? Just about all the time, yes.

When’s the last time you had a headache? Sometime this week or last week.

What woke you up this morning? I woke up naturally as I normally do these days.

Are you planning to go see a movie anytime soon? Yeah my workmates have been watching American Murder on Netflix and all of them so far are raving about it, so I want to give that a shot soon.

Will you sleep alone tonight? I always sleep alone. 

How do you feel right now? Confused at my lack of drowsiness and a little sad but it’s manageable for now.

Is shyness cute? I don’t feel any particular way towards it. I suppose it can be endearing and it can also be annoying.

Will you be up before 7:00 a.m. tomorrow? I already am.

What are your plans for tonight? Maybe keep doing surveys or send in my online interview that a company I’m applying to asked me to accomplish. I didn’t even know do-it-on-your-own-time interviews were a thing; it’s super convenient and removes my anxiety of being interviewed in real time by strangers.

Would you rather write in pink pen or blue pen? Blue.

Have you ever kissed the last person you text messaged? Yes.

Who was the last person you cried in front of? Just myself. Haven’t cried in front of anyone in a while.

Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? Yep.

Have you smoked a cigarette in the past 24 hours? No, but could definitely use one.

Were you happy when you woke up today? Nah I woke up crying I think. It was one of the more difficult mornings.

Are you the youngest sibling? I’m the eldest.  

[hedwigstalons]

This is a first foray into TAG so apologies for any continuity issues (a common problem in my head).  A little bit of festive fun and nonsense with a rescue thrown in for good measure.

xoxoxox

**Going Out With A Bang**

Christmas has arrived and for once it looked like the whole family would be able to share in the festive meal.  The world had been quiet and since December 22nd  and the Tracys hoped it would grant them peace for a few days more so they could properly enjoy the holiday season.

The final arrival had been John who has returned via the space elevator late on Christmas eve.  He had been reluctant to desert his post as space monitor but Eos has practically threatened to pump out all the oxygen if he hadn’t stepped through through the air lock right now.  He suspected she had been conspiring with Alan; those two had been mightily absorbed on the youngest Tracys last visit up to Thunderbird Five.  Now, sat with a coffee in hand, he was glad to be home even if home came with a heavy dose of gravity.

Christmas morning had been a whirlwind of activity.  Alan had resembled an over-excited puppy as he dashed from one sibling to the next to wish everyone a merry Christmas.  Gordon had managed to find the most hideous shirt bedecked with neon candy canes that Virgil had proclaimed to to an offense to the senses.  Scott had adopted his usual role of commander and made sure everyone had eaten a proper breakfast (“No Alan, marshmallows are not breakfast”).  John had tripped over the step in the lounge at least twice already.  It was a typical island Christmas.

As lunch time approached the assembled group of five brothers, Kayo and Brains were glad that Scott had insisted on breakfast.  Grandma has declared that there would be no barbecue this year and she would be treating them all to a traditional turkey dinner.  As the allotted time approached the prospect of consuming a hot and heavy meal in tropical heat was not appealing, especially as Grandma had insisted on doing most of the cooking herself.  More than one island resident was caught sneaking off to the store rooms to stock up on pre-lunch snacks until Grandma had locked the stores and declaring that she would not let them spoil their lunch.  She ignored the pained glances that passed between brothers that said clearer than words that lunch would definitely be spoiled if Grandma Tracy was catering.

The smell of scorched meat and the sound or curses as a pan of vegetables boiled dry signalled that it was time to set the table. International Rescue worked as a smooth machine and laying the out the dishes for lunch was no exception.  Figures interwove as plates were passed along and settings made up.  As the last dish was put in place the team stepped back to admire their handiwork.  Even if the food in the dishes looked a little suspect the table itself was a picture of festive cheer.

“Crackers!” exclaimed Alan, the disappointment in his voice evident for all to hear.  “Didn’t we order any for this year?  It’s not a proper Christmas lunch without crackers”.

“I’m sure we did.  I think I spotted a box in storeroom 3.  You all sit down and I’ll go and fetch them.”  Gordon sped out of the dining room and down the hallway that led to the stores.  He soon veered off and headed towards his own room where the box of crackers had been liberated to a few days earlier.  The selection of bright foil cylinders appeared identical but he knew otherwise.

As Gordon returned to the dining room, box in hand, he was pleased to see that everyone was seated already.  He walked around the perimeter of the table, carefully laying a cracker across each place setting. Conversation was in full flow and only Scott noticed that the crackers were not pulled out of the box in an entirely random order. He wondered what Gordon had planned but as he was evidently not the intended recipient of whatever prank had been prepared to was happy to sit back and watch the drama unfold.  It looked like Virgil would not be so lucky.

Gordon finished his round of the table and sat back in his own seat.  “Ok, crackers in a circle, right?  Everyone hold out you cracker to the person on your left.”

Virgil and Alan then, thought Scott as everyone complied with the seemingly innocent instruction.  Soon a chain of crackers was set up around the table.

“Five...Four...Three...Two…One...”

The klaxon sounded and the crackers were dropped back on to plates as everyone rushed through to the comms room.  The light hearted atmosphere had gone and been replaced the usual rush of adrenalin that preceded a rescue.

“Go ahead, Eos” instructed Scott.  The AI was pretty good at filtering out the necessary rescues from the surrounding noise of global radio chatter.  She had also been instructed to reroute calls to the local emergency services or GDF for the duration of Christmas day so the fact she was intruding on their family time meant the situation must be serious.

“I have received a distress call from an oil rig.  It has been damaged in a storm and the crew need to evacuate.  The weather conditions preclude evacuation by helicopter.  Some of the crew opted to leave by life raft but the transponder has failed and all contact with the life raft has been lost.”

“Virgil, Alan and Gordon; you all get going in Thunderbird Two.  We’ll need Thunderbird Four to help with the missing life raft.  I’ll take Thunderbird One and meet you there.  John, you’re on comms; get full details and co-ordinates and brief us once we are airborne.”

The brothers dispersed to their respective concealed chutes that let to the Thunderbirds.  John was grateful to claim his seat by the comms table; the sudden rush from the dining room had left him a little dizzy and highlighted that he was not yet acclimatised to Earth enough to take a more active role in the rescue.

Grandma, Kayo and Brains retreated to the dining room.  The dishes were returned to the kitchen and would be warmed through once the boys returned, whenever that might be.

xoxoxox

As the two Thunderbirds approached the rig the weather conditions worsened.  They had taken off into bright tropical skies over an azure sea.  Now, several time zones and climatic regions away they  were surrounded by darkness.  Fierce winds buffeted their craft and the pilots could feel the strain through their control yokes.  Rain lashed the cockpit screens and visibility was almost zero; flying was by instruments and instincts. The seas below churned and roiled beneath them, not that those aboard the mighty ‘birds could see that.

John had made contact with those still trapped on the rig and was now in possession of the full details and severity of the situation.  Eight personnel required evacuation from the rig and a further four were lost somewhere on the unforgiving ocean. Part of the platform had failed structurally and the was at risk of collapsing into the sea.  A small mercy was that the crew has managed to cap off the bore hole so any potential environmental disaster had already been averted.  The drilling company would be able to make the structure safe once the storm had passed but until that happened the crew was in danger.  With the first four to evacuate now lost without a trace the remaining crew were unwilling to follow their colleagues into the remaining rafts and preferred to take their changes on the unstable rig.

Eos had also been busy.  Having ascertained the exact time the life raft had been launched and its last known location before the transponder had failed she had run simulations using the weather and ocean current data from the area. Her high-tech models allowed her to narrow down the search area and she was able to provide Scott with a more defined zone in which the life raft should be found.

“Approaching raft rescue zone now” Scott announced as he reached the area.  “I’ll see if I can locate the life raft by scanning for life signs.  Deploy Thunderbird Four then continue to rig; you should be able to evacuate those remaining using the rescue cage.”

“FAB” acknowledge Virgil.  

Scott activated his scanner and started a sweep of the area.  It looked like a futile task, trying to locate a small orange raft in miles of dark ocean, but he trusted in Eos’s calculations.  He needed to, there wasn’t a lot else to go out out here.  He knew that Gordon would also be scanning the area from Thunderbird Four and it was hopefully only a matter of time before one or other of the brothers found the missing crew.

Gordon was at least more comfortable that Scott.  Underneath the surface of the ocean he was protected from the worst of the storm conditions.  Other that the occasional deep swell that would shift his ‘bird slightly off course he could almost forget the tempest playing out on the surface.  He was used to working in limited visibility so the darkness was no hindrance to him.  He maintained radio contact with his sky-bound sibling as they scanned the rescue area, starting in opposite quadrants to maximise efficiency.  

The brothers swept the area using a mix of radar and life signs scanner until “Woohoo, I win!”

“Gordo, this is not competition. Do I take it you have located the raft?”

“Sure have.  Sending through the co-ordinates now.  So how do you want to go about extraction?”

“The conditions are too rough for you to tow the raft.  I’ll snare it with a grapple and return it to the main rig.  From there we can get them aboard Thunderbird Two. It’s not going to be comfortable for them though.  I want you to try and attach a communicator to the raft so I can let them know what is happening.”

“FAB”.

Attaching a communicator to the side of the raft would require a trip to the surface.  A prospect Gordon wasn’t looking forward to as the swell still hadn’t abated.  It would also require some careful piloting.

Gordon surfaced the submarine.  His powerful lamps soon illuminated the orange box that was being tossed about on the waves.  He hoped those inside had strong stomachs because it was one hell of a bumpy ride they were being subjected to. He monitored the rise and fall of both the life raft and his own craft until he was familiar with the pattern the waves were moving to.  Then, at the optimal moment he fired a small cannon.  A disc flew through the air and adhered itself to the side of the life raft with a dull thunk.  

To those inside the raft the sound of something solid hitting the side was disconcerting.  Their fear soon turned to elation as Gordon’s friendly voice was heard inside their craft.

“This is International Rescue.  Please report your status.  Is anybody hurt?”

“International Rescue?  Thank goodness, we thought we were lost for sure.”  The relief in the speaker’s voice was palpable.  “We are all a bit bumped about. One head injury but no signs of concussion.”

The rescue plan was soon relayed to the crew in the raft and while they were not enamoured with the idea of being suspended below Thunderbird One they were pleased that their ordeal would soon be over.  

Back at the rig Virgil and Alan were concentrating on rescuing the eight remaining crew.  Virgil was holding a hover over the rig while Alan was on winch and rescue cage duty.  The rig was creaking and groaning in the storm force winds and the pair knew they needed to work quickly.

Alan lowered himself and the rescue cage to the deck of the rig.  The surface of the platform was exposed to the elements and the most dangerous aspect of the rescue would be stopping himself and the crew being blow off the side of the platform.  For now the crew were safely holed up in one of the cabins on the surface of the rig.  

Alan ensured his gravity boots were engaged and that he was attached to a safety line before he risked exiting the rescue cage.  The short walk to the cabin felt like a marathon as he braced himself  against the vicious gusts.  The checker plate surface was slick with the rain that was still falling in torrents and even the gravity boots were struggling to get a purchase.  It was with some relief that Alan reached the cabin and entered.  His safely line prevented the door from being closed and he had to shout to be heard above the elements.

“So, who needs a lift home?” he grinned.  He easy manner and smile instantly calming those waiting for rescue.  

He was pleased to see that the crew were already kitted out in full safety gear including harnesses and helmets.  This would make his job a whole lot easier and save him having to escort everyone to the rescue cage individually.  He connected the safety line to an anchor point within the cabin and instructed everyone to clip in.  The line acted as a guide rail and would allow everyone to traverse the deck safely between the fixed point of the cabin and the rescue cage.

Alan issued instructions on how to harness in to the safety cage.  Then, one following close behind the other, the line of eight crew fought their way across the deck, gripping the safety line for support.  Only once the last crew member had reached the cage did Alan release the anchor point in the cabin and begin his own return journey.  Form there it was just a matter of activating the winch and they were being safely swallowed up into the belly of Thunderbird Two.

There was no chance to rest though. The evacuation from the rig had been the easy part; the real challenge would be to secure the life raft which was even now on its way to rendezvous with them, suspended from the base of Thunderbird One.  Once Alan had settled the crew from the rig into the passenger bay he returned to the winch cables.

The plan was to attempt an air to air transfer.  It would not be safe to transport the life raft all the way to land underneath Thunderbird One, nor was the idea of individually winching out the four trapped inside.  The solution, although far from ideal, was for Alan to to attach Two’s grapple to the life raft.  Scott would then disengage One’s grapple leaving Two free to winch the life raft inside the cargo area where there was plenty of space.  The manoeuvrer would be challenging and not without risks.

Alan looked out of the open hatch in Thunderbird Two, grim determination on his face.  Thunderbirds One and Two were being hovered expertly side by side.  His two oldest brothers seemed to act in perfect unison, each acting to correct against the still-buffeting winds at the same time.  The life raft was swinging wildly about on the end of its tether and Alan felt sorry for the four poor souls he knew were contained within.  He took aim and fired the suction grapple but the erratic movement of the raft in the gusting winds meant his first shot missed.  He recalled the grapple and tried again.  The raft swung in and out of his line of sight and the whole exercise felt faintly reminiscent of a fairground game but one that had four lives as the prize rather than a misshapen stuffed toy.  With a fair dose of luck on his side the second shot flew true and the suction grapple adhered firmly to the room of the raft.  Scott quickly disengaged the line from Thunderbird One.  Alan activated the winch mechanism and drew the raft inside the safety of the giant transporter ‘plane.

With the rig workers all safely accounted for the final task was to collect Gordon and Thunderbird Four.  International Rescue would then be able to drop their grateful passengers off at the nearest airfield and head for home.  

It might not have been the Christmas they hoped for but there was something about a successful rescue that lifts the mood.  The International Rescue secure frequencies were soon filled with cheerful chatter between Thunderbirds One and Two and Tracy Island.  Gordon attempted to lead everyone in song but soon stopped when Virgil threatened to dump him back in the ocean.  The only disappointment was that Christmas day was nearly over by the time everyone had safely returned to base.

xoxoxox

It was a weary crew of operatives that gathered in the lounge again once post-flight checks had been completed and dirty uniforms discarded.

“I’m starving” groaned Scott as he kicked back and relaxed in an easy chair.  “I thought Christmas was meant to be a time of eating to excess but instead I feel like we missed about four meals.”

“You’re always hungry” Virgil retorted, stretching out and taking up about three sofa spaces “but I know what you mean.  I could almost contemplate Grandma’s Christmas lunch after all that.  I’d go and fetch some food but I’m too comfortable now.  Hey, Johnny, you fancy digging out some snacks?”

John was interrupted in making an indignant response about Virgil being perfectly capable of fetching his own snacks when their Grandmother appeared.  “Welcome back, boys.  I know you must be tired out after today but you need to look after yourselves.  I’m not having anyone heading off to bed without a proper meal.  We saved lunch so I want everyone back in the dining room in five minutes.  I just need to set the table again.”

There was a collective set of groans that had more to do with facing their Grandma’s cooking in reheated form than the prospect of shifting off the sofa.  However, everyone knew that if they didn’t face the meal tonight she would only wheel it out again tomorrow and Grandma’s cooking was one thing that did not improve with age.

Everyone shuffled through to the dining room to help finish setting up the meal again.   Gordon gulped as he realised that everything had been reset.  The crackers had been placed back in their box when the first iteration of lunch had been cleared away and Kayo was now in the process of laying a tube across each plate.  He scanned the table but he had done his job too well, the crackers looked identical.

The sinking feeling deepened as Scott’s hand landed on his shoulder from behind.  A low voice growled in his ear.  “Well this should be interesting.  Cracker roulette.  I know you didn’t get those out the store room earlier, Grandma had them all locked down tighter than Fort Knox.  The question is, little bro, are you feeling lucky?”

It is one thing to play a prank when the victim is carefully selected.  It is quite another to have that control taken away.  Pranks come with retribution and Gordon knows that each person around the table would have their revenge somehow, the unknown is the price he would be expected to pay.

Everyone returned to the seats they had vacated all those hours previously.  The crackers raised to signal the start of the meal.

“Five...Four...Three...Two...One...Merry Christmas”

Except the ‘Merry Christmas’ was partially drowned out by a shout as one cracker erupted as a highly effective glitter bomb.  Sparkles of red and green coated those that had been holding either end.  

Uh oh.

Gordon’s chair crashed to the floor, knocked over in his haste to exit the room.  He took off at a sprint but his attempt at escape was futile.  The way no escaping the wrath of a now twinkling Kayo  and Scott.

“Gordon Tracy, I’m going to be finding this stuff for weeks!  Just you wait until I get my hands on you.”

Pranking Kayo comes at a cost. Usually a very painful cost.  She caught up with him half way to the lounge and expertly tackled him to the floor.  Scott arrived moments later.  Between the pair of them Gordon was soon trussed up in tinsel.  Scott threw him unceremoniously over his shoulder and carried the prankster back to his chair in the dining room, ensuring his younger brother got smeared on copious amounts of the glitter in the process.

There were a few sniggers as Gordon was fastened to his chair.  He knew there was no point in trying to escape his tinsel bonds, Kayo had made sure the knots were firmly tied and out of reach.

Gordon tried appealed to their better nature.  “Aw come on.  It’s Christmas after all.  You can’t let me starve while you all eat.  That’s just torture.”

“Oh you’ll be eating, Gordo.” Kayo’s voice had taken on a dangerous edge.  She freed his hands while making sure he was still unable to escape the chair.  “You’ll sit there until you have cleared your plate like a good boy.”

Scott started heaping large portions onto Gordon’s plate, carefully selecting the most suspect looking parts of their Grandma’s cooking.

“There might even be...dessert.”

Gordon gulped and picked up his fork.  The price for his prank was high and it was time to start paying.

[fallenrepublick]

I've had this idea brewing for a while. So, can I request an x reader with Savage Opress? It would be around d the time when Darth Sidious came to Manadalore and before he had a chance to kill Savage, is when the reader, a former jedi who left the order, actually saves him and drive Sidious away. Reader then disappears. Both brothers want to find her now until she is found in the city late at night. Personally, Maul wishes to thank her (wow) and Savage thinks he has found his perfect mate😇

This was really fun to write, because I like writing pieces that put the reader in the middle of events we’ve seen in the shows. It makes me wonder what sort of stuff could have been changed if someone else was there.

Anyhow, I like to think I did this alright. Ah, and I also did my best to incorporate your other request of the reader having Vitiligo. I’m not sure how well I conveyed that, though, so let me know how I did.

You never really understood Maul’s obsession and fear over his late master, Sidious, and as far as you could tell, neither did Savage. Maul was the only one who had really experienced the full brunt of the Sith’s force, which was what was most likely causing intense brooding and long bouts of staring into the darkness encompassing the throne room. You had only heard so much of the power of Sith Lords from various masters back at the temple, though your unexpected “fall from grace” after your love for a certain honey-skinned Nightbrother determined that the path you took was not the one allotted to you by the Jedi, thus depriving you of knowledge that would have been useful in these trying times.

Such was the way of things now, as you and Savage had a remarkably rare moment of peace before returning to duties that would keep you separated until the late hours of the night. He was sitting on a bench in your room with you seated on his left leg, the height difference between you made abundantly clear. One of your hands rested on his chest while he traced the edges of the pale patches marking your arms and face. You always enjoyed when he did it, as if he were intentionally pulling you back to your favorite early memories of your time together, when he took your huge bottle of concealer that you used to cover what you were told to be “abnormalities due to midichlorian complications” from you, and explained that you didn’t need it.

“Our markings are unique to us,” he had said to you, wiping the make-up from your cheeks and neck. “Each line we have is a testament to who we are. You are no exception. These are what gave me pause, made me find beauty in all you were, because each time I see them, I am reminded of every part of you that makes you the woman I love.”

That was then. Now, as you sat with him, fingers drawing lines on your now uncovered skin, you felt yourself growing increasingly concerned at the prospect of an encounter with a deadly dark side user, making your attempts at reminiscing fall flat.

“Is he going to be okay, you think?” you asked softly, not wanting to break the intimacy you had built up over the past ten minutes. “He must sense something amiss. He isn’t normally this… depressed.”

Savage sighed, continuing his hand’s movements, yet lifting his eyes to match your gaze. “I want to believe he will be fine. But I feel a growing unease within him. Something is coming, and it will be here soon.”

You stood, taking his hands within your own and pressing your foreheads together. “The darkness that follows him will not hesitate to hurt you, too. If it’s enough to affect your brother this much, I don’t believe for a second that I shouldn’t be worrying about it.”

Something burst through your senses, dragging you out and back to reality. You didn’t know what exactly it was, but the presence was deafening to your mind. The only way to describe the sensation was as if you had given yourself brain freeze directly after eating something incredibly hot. You looked back down at Savage, a grim look replacing the relaxation you had given him only moments before. You began to leave the room, deciding that whatever you had been dreading for a while now had finally made its debut, when your lover pulled your wrist back.

“No,” he said, walking in front of you to the doorway. “I will help my brother. You will remain here until I get back.”

You scoffed. “I’m perfectly capable of holding my own, if you hadn’t noticed. This isn’t something to be taken lightly.”

“If this were any other situation, I swear, I wouldn’t hesitate to bring you. But if what my brother says is true, this Sidious will take advantage of what we have and use it to hurt you. I cannot take that risk.”

“So you really do think it’s Sidious?” You crossed your arms, fearing what would happen if he were right.

“I must act as if it is. I trust my brother’s instincts.” With that, he turned and ran from the room, already pulling his saber from his belt. Thanks, that was comforting.

The situation definitely wasn’t ideal. As it stood, controlling Mandalore was shaky to say the least, and any sort of infiltration, personal or otherwise, would prove problematic if it came down to who was in charge. It was one thing to be the invader, but it was another to be invaded. You paced the room, weighing your options, trying to find any workaround for leaving the room and helping. But it all circled back to that one thing. How much worse would it be if you did try to help them? Would it be worse to be discovered?

Logic might have sufficed normally, but you didn't have to use logic to know that the sound of smashing glass from the throne room was something you didn't want to hear. If he finds me out, he finds me out. You dashed out of the room, saber hilt in hand, the rubber soles of your boots nearly giving way as they struggled to keep up with your speed. Every step felt like the beat of your heart, practically screaming at you not to go towards whatever horrific situation you would find. You might have listened to your heart before, but now your life wasn’t the only one you had to worry about. Debris from the walls scattered the floor when you came in, but where they had gone was no mystery. Using the force to propel you up, you leapt through the gaps and came upon the battleground.

It most definitely was Sidious down there, red sabers clashing with those of the two Zabraks, laughing like a maniac as the fighting dragged on below. Each contact sent out bursts of white light amongst the darkness. Each party was certainly skilled, but there was an amusement in Sidious’s demeanor that concerned you the most. Maul and Savage fought through desperation and the urgent need to kill their opponent. Sidious… was playing with his food.

You jumped down silently, staying out of sight as Sidious managed to separate Savage from Maul, who remained on the higher platform. He sensed you and turned around, surprised at your presence. He wanted to berate you, tell you to go back before something happened. But you were already gone. It just took one last leap of faith. One last attempt to make sure your worst fears were never realized.

And then you were between them, a purple lightsaber blade blocking the two that aimed straight for Savage’s chest. You could sense Savage’s panic behind you, but you didn’t dare turn around.

“Ah yes,” Sidious hissed from beneath his hood. “The defective Jedi. I might’ve known.”

You thrust your lightsaber forward, pushing his blades away from you. “At least I’m not a coward who hides his face behind a cloak,” you growled back.

He came at you, blades rushing, aiming to kill, but you dodged, jumping back, deflecting them with your own saber. Savage tried to intervene, bringing his weapons forward and attempting to fight, but you shoved him back with the force.

You made your choice. The next attack he made, you evaded as well, but took a flip, soaring backwards off of the ledge and using the force to pull Sidious down after you, into the darkness below. Come and get me.

-

Maul’s hearts thudded as he ran down to his brother. Savage stood at the edge of the landing, searching out for any sign of you. Regardless if his brother’s shouts of concern, his thoughts dwelled on your well being.

“Savage, answer me, are you all right?” Maul shook his shoulders with increasing concern.

“Do you see her?” Savage asked, panic lacing his voice as he ignored Maul’s questions. “Where is she?”

Maul sighed, taking his hand off of Savage’s shoulder and peering down into the cavern as well. “It’s difficult to tell. And more likely than not, she wouldn’t have stayed in this area. Sidious is not the stationary type.”

Savage’s breathing quickened, his worry and fear taking over the thoughts in his head. “She saved me… I would have been dead, but she came anyway… But now-”

“But now nothing,” Maul interrupted, turning around and beginning his ascent back to the palace. “We will find her. Your lady is a crafty one, so I’ve no doubt she would have found her way to safety. Besides, I must thank her for what she did. After all, I certainly wouldn’t have been able to help you.”

Following his footsteps eagerly, Savage hurried to catch up, possibilities already racing through his head. He tried to imagine you again, all the times you told him not to worry so much, your smile warming him to his core. But all he could think of was your absence now. If you had, in fact, escaped, how would you be? What if Sidious had severed a limb? What if you were badly wounded and needed help right away? What if you were unconscious? Savage would never dare forgive himself if anything happened to you. And what if Maul was wrong? What if Sidious had captured you for insurance? Or worse… if he had killed you? Savage nearly collapsed thinking about it. Of course, you could be fine, but his frequent run-ins with misfortune had Savage believing that suffering was inevitable.

The lights of the city blinked in and out as citizens moved beneath them towards their destinations, blocking out the light of the sky above with its pollution. Everyone looked the same to Savage, blank faces and hollow spirits, all blending together with the same patterns of meaningless existence. Not like you. Your radiance had blinded him from the start, but he gladly held onto it with everything he had, knowing that you would be there to guide him as he stumbled.

He normally hated the city, the crowds and noise of the pandemonium seemed pointless and never ending, the artificial lamps and street lights wiping away any stars that you would have seen in the night sky before. But on that night, as he came upon a clearing in the crowds at the opening of a nearby ally, a single star stood alone amongst the chaos, the surface spread across with the markings of galaxies far from reach and the darkness of a thousand cold suns, a cloak encasing, but failing to completely cover the eminence.

He didn’t know what to do. Just the sight of you froze him in place, washing away any words he could have formed before. He came up behind you and took your wrist, holding you carefully as if you were a hallucination. When you turned, your face quickly went from surprise to relief, a small gasp escaping your lips as you smiled.

“Savage,” you whispered, walking back towards him and placing a hand on his chest. “You’re okay.”

“I’m so sorry,” he said to you, holding your face in his hands. “I was being careless, but if you hadn’t come-”

“I wanted to be there for you, Savage. I knew something would happen, and you know I would never make you face something like that without me. I came for you, because I love you.”

And that thought, that sentence brought him to his reality. That star of his, that light he held that was so much like him, yet so much better, was all he desired. For his hands, the ones that had brought about so much pain and destruction, the ones that belonged to a monster, held perfection.