#because it's very emotionally taxing and draining

[lunarw0rks]

gaz is the type of guy that

falls in love with people so easily

[nishayuro]

Excuse me, ✨The Amazing Madam Nisha✨ but I would like to send in a request. I would like Tamaki, Tsuyu, and Eraserhead with a GN reader (platonic) that has a similar personality to Hu Tao because my girl deserves better. Also her is cake for your hard work 🎂

My Hero Academia with Hu Tao! Reader (Platonic)

A/N: Hallo! Thank you for the cake ^^ I hope u enjoy this!

Genre: Fluff

GN! Reader

Warning: Mention of dead people (nothing graphic)

Character building!! Your quirk lets you summon a sentient ghost buddy (It’s similar to Dark Shadow.)  that for some reason has fire powers, you speculate that its a demon, but who are you to judge really.

Another thing about your quirk is it lets you see the memories of dead people when you touch their corpse. Kinda creepy, I know. 

Your family runs a funeral parlour, so your whole life you’ve been exposed to the notion of life and death, and you’ve long ago removed that fear in you. Human lives are meant to end one way or another, But that doesn’t stop you from dreaming of being a hero, so that even for a few more years, those people can live their lives and die of natural causes and not of evil doings.

You’re a very cheerful person albeit your fascination with death, which drives some people crazy when you go up to offer them coupons for your family’s business. But hey, who can blame you? Business is business.

Tamaki Amajiki

You’re one of the Big 3, well, now known as the Big 4 along with Mirio and Nejire. Your quirk has been helpful with lots of murder investigations, and you’ve trained your ghost buddy with controlling its fire.

Tamaki at first was scared of you, I mean, you did offer him a coupon for a coffin one time when he was to be deployed on a mission. 

But he later realised that it's just a personality of yours, and got used to you. 

Whenever he has his panic attacks, you’d let your little ghost buddy out for Tamaki to play with as a form of calming himself. 

He sometimes gets scared when the Big 4 hangs out and Nejire asks about your missions, because most of the time, you’re deployed to help solve murder cases. And that’s not entirely a fun topic. 

But overall, Tamaki is glad to have a friend like you, who shows they case in even the weirdest ways. 

Tsuyu Asui

You’re one of class 1-A’s top fighters, along with Bakugo, Todoroki, and Midoriya. 

Tsuyu is a naturally friendly person, so she was able to befriend you right away, and you earned yourself a place with the Deku Squad.

She does get a bit creeped out when you offer up coupons and promos, but she’s there to pull you away from possibly angering or creeping out anyone else with your antics. 

She knows you’re a very dependable friend though, and goes to you for advice whenever she has a problem. 

You also come to her whenever missions get taxing, sure, you’re used to the face of death, but it’s still a whole new can of worms to be sent out to missions where you know you’ll see bodies, some more gory than others. 

When days like that come, she’ll be there to help you through them and get you back to your ever so energetically weird self. 

Aizawa Shouta

You’re his student, and with the rise of Nomu cases, your quirk has been in demand to help solve it.

Being able to see the memories of dead people helped with solving many murder cases, so naturally, they’d wanna see how your quirk works on the Nomus.

Aizawa at first was against this, I mean, this was emotionally draining even for someone like you. 

But you assured him that this was a way to properly give justice to the poor souls who suffered. 

So he’ll let you, but will be with you when you do it. 

He knows you’re dependable and strong, and he admires your resilience.

He’s also another one to wrangle you up before you cause trouble with your ways of promoting the funeral business. 

He’d do everything to protect your cheerful energy, he’d hate to see that light of yours grow dim. 

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[olderthannetfic]

I'm not sure if I'll be explaining this very well, but I see a lot of asks and general discourse disparaging the use of "quippy" dialog and using humor to break up heavy moments, often specifically pointing to Whedon and Marvel as examples of this being poor writing. Recently the ask about The Kaiju Preservation Society, which I just started reading and have been enjoying, made me want to stop reading it out of shame. Honestly it just makes me feel bad about my own writing - I use a lot of humor, both in dialog and in descriptive text. When I want something to hit hard I can remove that aspect and let the impact sit.

By contrast, when I read something that has no give, no breaking up between the angst or horror elements, I start to feel taxed and emotionally drained, like I cannot keep reading because it only gets worse. I love a good horror or psychological thriller, but if it's all downhill with no peak for it's valleys I can't finish it without forcing myself to.

But then I think back to all those people pointing at writing styles that are similar to my own and my preferences as 'bad writing' and think 'am I a terrible writer?' It's disheartening.

So my question is this: is it a specific type of quippy dialog and humorous asides that makes the writing bad? Pop culture references aside, since those are things that very much lose their impact, are there other tips to would be writers to improve their writing? Is writing humor into horror a mark of poor writing skills?

--

Uh...

Literally every bit of reputable writing advice ever will tell you you have to vary pace and tone. They may not reference humor or quippy dialogue specifically, but that's one way to do it.

The objection to Whedon's rancid dialogue is that it is bad at what it's trying to be, at least in the opinion of the critiquer.

I have some ideas here, but honestly, I think I need to stop spending so much time writing out writing advice on tumblr and stick to my patreon. Others are welcome to chime in.

[drdemonprince]

hello hello, i am autistic with my special interests being psychology and philosophy and because I'm super into activism and social justice issues as well a lot of my conversations with friends always go in the direction of talking about trauma and classism racism ableism, all the isms and i've had trouble keeping relationships because i'm a "bummer". i don't think im necessarily being negative or trauma dumping but i'm just talking about these things that i think about all the time that interest me and they just so happen to be very sad topics. while i know that i should embrace my special interests and enjoy them however i want i also am aware that constantly talking about sad things and everything wrong in the world is emotionally taxing and draining on the people around me. do you have any advice for helping to change subjects? i've tried talking about more light hearted things but they aren't my special interests and i get bored easily...

I relate to this a lot, and it's a problem I see play out in some of my relationships. Without meaning to, we sometimes get into a mutual downward spiral of only talking about bleak things.

My suggestion is to get you and your friends together for some activities. Not a video game that you can play passively while still discussing the looming threat of climate change or that horrible self-esteem ruining thing your dad once said. Challenging, dynamic, hands-on activities that either have to be discussed while you are doing them, or that are so labor intensive that they prevent you talking in depth while engaging in them.

many Autistics tend to be indoorsy nerds and so we miss out on the genuine bonding experience that is playing on a sports team with someone, for instance. You barely have to speak but you develop a real sense of trust in and gratitude for one another and learn to read one another on an instinctual feeling non verbal level. and you feel the genuine reward of accomplishing something with support, which is something many of us are not familiar with.

I'm uncoordinated as shit, i was in special ed gym, so im not saying it has to be joining the local intramural soccer team. It can be things like building a complicated lego set, organizing records or comic books, helping someone clean out their house, developing a wiki or database of some kind for a fandom or mutual interest, tending to a garden, volunteering at a soup kitchen, visiting a museum, babysitting someone's kids, power washing the deck, going for a jog, visiting an unfamiliar nature trail and documenting the plant life, giving someone a manicure, anything that is challenging and collaborative and ideally somewhat tactile (because most of us are really damn dissociated from our bodies and from physical space).

I used to really discount any form of connection that was not rooted in the exchange of ideas and really intense personal disclosures. I thought everything else was superficial, dull, and not "real". i was so incredibly fucking wrong. i love discussing complex topics and connecting over real raw shit with people but life cannot be all or only that. and there are real, valuable, loving connections to be found in getting a team together to tear down the sets after the end of a play, learning a complicated dance routine with somebody, having someone teach you how to sew for the very first time. and then talking about it. you wont like everything you try but some of these activities will hook you enough that theyll become an interest you can make pleasant conversation about too.

[natalchartnurtures]

This eclipse season had me in a choke-hold and no, not the sexy kind T-T

Go ahead and pick your pile(s) using your favorite method, if you happen to NOT have one then use mine :p

Close your eyes visualize your guides or call on 'em however you do and generate a random number on google. the first number that repeats itself twice or thrice is your pile. You're welcome 🙃

🐾 Pile 1 (left), pile 2 (right), pile3 (below) 🐾

------

Pile 1:

I see a clear theme of intense emotional growth for your pile today. You’ve let go of a lot of unhealthy patterns around your emotions, and if you haven’t, this eclipse season is giving you a HARD TIME. If you’ve been feeling stubborn and having difficulty overcoming old bad habits around your emotions—like not feeling them fully or over-intellectualizing your emotions and thinking in your mind that you’ve felt them 😬—OR ANY habit of this nature, then this eclipse might feel incredibly heavy for you, as it’s trying to get you to feel your feelings. Your subconscious is likely putting up one hell of a fight.

As time progresses (timing may vary for each of you lovely people reading), you may find yourself feeling those dark, anxiety-inducing emotions that aren’t so pretty to sit in. You might end up surrendering to these emotions. On the other side of feeling these feelings, you’ll emerge as an emotionally astute and aligned being, truly in tune with yourself and your real desires—none of that ego stuff, but your REAL desires that you might not have known existed. I hear this is a direct blessing. You unlocked this divine blessing of being aligned with yourself by facing your fears of vulnerability and by allowing yourself to feel your emotions.

You may have been afraid of truly facing yourself, and as a result, fell into patterns of self-avoidance and a subsequent avoidance of life itself. But congratulations, pile 1—you will have broken this toxic learned pattern by the end of the eclipse season!

You’ll find a new path starting to show itself, which will be different from the one you’ve been on so far. This new path seems much lighter and more promising than your current or previous one. It will lead you to further unlock more of your true potential, and therefore, more joy.

I’m so happy for you, pile 1! But I’m also sending you love and light because the road you’ll take to reach this lighter path will be gruesome, to say the least. I’ll be rooting for you :)

Thanks for reading 🫂 See ya!

------

Pile 2:

First of all, before I even begin with the main stuff, y’all are as intuitive as can be! You are very connected with spirit and have done a good job navigating this eclipse, no matter how difficult it may have been.

Your main theme for this eclipse season is the opening of your third eye. Gosh, pile 2, did you feel incredibly ungrounded through this eclipse season? Did you get any sleep at all, or did you sleep way too much? If you did, it was likely a symptom of your third eye opening. This eclipse season would have pushed you to connect with spirit more than usual, and I see you doing this really well. But your physical life might have taken a hit due to the heightened energy around your third eye, so you may have struggled with discipline, routine, or anything mundane. Spirit wants to let you know that this is also a symptom and that it’s temporary. You’ll find your footing in the 3D after the eclipse season is done messing with you

Opening your third eye comes with serious shadow work, though, and I see that you’ve aced it! It must’ve been extremely physically draining and taxing, so rest whenever you can and try to prioritize sleeping well and eating properly. Take care of your physical vessel during this period of intense expansion and transformation. I see you’ve overcome a lot of mental agony and pain around unhelpful beliefs and such. Unhealthy mental patterns have been dealt with! You are currently going through a mental glow-up of sorts, and it feels like stepping into foreign territory since you’ve lived with these beliefs for so long. Now you’re being asked to face your fear of the unknown and sit in the uncomfortable grey area of this transition. Again, this discomfort is fully temporary, so remind yourself of that to increase your resilience during this time. :)

That’s all I have for you, pile 2. Sending you so much love, light, and expansion! You’re doing great, sweetie 🫂

------

Pile 3:

This eclipse has really challenged you to step into your faith in spirit. You might have come face-to-face with your need for control, which could have caused your heart to get blocked. You may have also blocked out your intuition as well. As a result, this eclipse may have brought these issues up and given you a hard time when things didn’t happen according to your plans or how you wanted things to play out. It might have felt like the universe was against you. I’m so sorry, pile 3—it’s not an easy energy to sit in. Your strength may have really been tested, too. You might have felt like there was a shroud of darkness around you, but all the universe was trying to do was get you out of your head and into your heart.

That can be extremely scary and triggering for you (perhaps because of past trauma that you need to look into), which is why you may have felt like pure darkness was surrounding you. Spirit was simply putting you in the energy that needed to be healed—nothing more. By the end of this eclipse season, you will have achieved a beautiful balance between your mind and your heart. You’ll feel more comfortable co-creating with spirit and might even consider dabbling in manifestation methods. Ever heard of Neville Goddard? You might want to look into his work if you’re particularly interested in diving into the world of manifestation. His work unites the mind and the heart in a way that’s easy for most people in the modern world to learn this art.

That’s all I have for you today, pile 3 😁 Sending you loads of love, light, and hope that you find this beautiful balance sooner rather than later ✨️

------

[rayssyscourse]

I know it's a bit late, but if you're still accepting syscourse asks I have a question. In a recent post you said "I don't really think it's my place or my business to say whether or not endos 'exist'. I personally don't see how it could work scientifically, but since research on plurality is in its infancy, so I am 100% open to seeing other proof as the science progresses"

My question is, what kind of proof would you like to see to support the existence of endogenic plurality? In other words, what evidence makes you convinced of the existence of osddid that endogenic plurality lacks? /gen (I'm sorry I know the wording makes this seem confrontational. I mean it as a genuine question.)

Absolutely!

So, I guess my main thing is that osddid forms after a traumatic experience bad enough that your brain saw splitting as the only way it could figure out how to cope. Splitting is really difficult, emotionally and physically taxing, for the brain to do. It has cut itself off from another part of itself, and is managing multiple sets of memories, identities, personalities, etc. all while trying to keep it a secret from, well... itself.

I have not yet seen any indication of the brain doing that on its own for no particular reason. It's hard for me to imagine it splitting one day just because... it felt like it? Neurologically there is no explanation for why in the world it would do something so taxing/draining unless it saw no other viable option.

So I guess what I'd like to see is stuff like brain scans and neurological studies to look at how endogenic plurality works, whether it's the same as traumagenic plurality, what might cause it, etc. I know research right now is very limited so I keep up where I can; I am absolutely open to being wrong, but I want to wait until actual facts come out.

That being said, I will reiterate that if anybody, endo or not, says they're experiencing plurality, I will believe them. Their existence only shows that there is more research and info that we don't know; I don't think endos are faking, I just think that they are experiencing a different phenomenon than people w/ osddid.

hope this made sense! thank you for the ask <3

[sequinsmile-x]

Home - Chapter Three

Revenge - (re·​venge: Noun.)

The action of hurting or harming someone in return for an injury or wrong suffered at their hands.

She'd been comfortable and safe for so long that she'd allowed herself how to forget how it felt to be afraid.

A sequel to The Way Home

-x-

Hi friends!

I am so sorry that this has taken so long to get chapter 3 up. This fic is very emotionally taxing and I was absolutely not in the place to write it. But I woke up this morning able to write it!!

I hope you all like this and would love to know what you think, this version of them is very special to me.

-x-

Words: 3k

A full list of warnings can be found on the Series Master List.

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

She stares at him momentarily, his words washing over and she chokes on a laugh, “He wants to see me?” 

Aaron nods and reaches for her hand, squeezing it tightly as he smiles reassuringly, “Don’t worry, I made it clear that wouldn’t be happening.” 

Emily couldn’t explain the flash of anger that travels through her if she tried and she frowns as she pulls her hand away from him. 

“Why would you do that?” 

He takes a step back from her, confusion making his blood run cold as he looks her up and down, familiar defiance that she had passed on to their daughter written all over her face, “Em-”

“That wasn’t your decision to make,” she says through her teeth, furious at him because that was the easiest thing to feel. Not the fear that had been simmering in her belly for days, making nausea almost constant. Not the anger she still felt towards Ian after all this time, never entirely fading no matter how much therapy she had. But this. Fury at her husband, the man who loves her, who she knows means well, was easy. 

Because she knew, no matter what, he’d understand.

“He tried to kill you, Emily.” 

“Keep your voice down,” she seethes, even though he was barely talking any louder than her, and her eyes flick to the hallway past the kitchen, the dining room just a few paces away, “Eleanor is in the dining room,” she looks back up at him, “And I do know that, Aaron. I’m the one he did it to.”

“And I’m the one who had to…” he drifts off, any fire draining out of him, his shoulders visibly deflating, “I saw what he did to you Em, the aftermath. You couldn’t speak. Your eyes were bloodshot. You still dream about it,” he shakes his head, “Every time you get a fucking cold and your throat hurts and your voice…it makes me think of how I couldn’t protect you from him.”

She sighs, her anger draining out of her as quickly as it had appeared. She knew that he’d always felt guilty over what happened, that he wished he wouldn’t have let her leave the apartment building they’d met in the day Ian had been waiting for her outside. It was luck, Haley’s good timing as she left Jack with Aaron leading her to disturb Ian’s attack on Emily, which meant she was still alive. It was something they had all grappled with for years. The thing that had bonded them together. Haley’s relationship with her ex and his wife forged by the trauma they had all endured at the hands of Ian Doyle, making her a key part of their and their daughter’s lives. 

Emily couldn’t imagine her life without Haley, the best friend she had found in the most unlikely of places. The woman who had helped her when she was a new mother and exhausted, holding Eleanor whilst Emily took a quick shower and had five minutes to herself when Aaron was at work.

The woman who had loved Aaron first but understood that Emily loved him better.

“Honey,” she takes a step towards him and cups his cheek, forcing him to look at her, “None of what happened was your fault,” she smiles sadly at him, “And it wasn’t mine. It was all him.”

It was something that had taken her years to accept, all of her blame and anger internalised as she thought about how stupid she had been to be taken in by a man who had done little more than give her attention. It was only as she got older, as she made it to the age Ian had been when they met and beyond, that she truly understood how he’d taken advantage of her. How the power dynamic in their relationship had been skewed. How he had been unable to accept his own failings, the way he’d blown his relationship with his fiancee and his son apart because he wanted to take it all out on someone he should have left alone.

There were moments when she wished she could talk to her 20-year-old self. Part of her would want to take her by the shoulders and shake her until she saw sense, until she saw that Ian was no good for her. But mostly she would just want to hug her, to tell her it wasn’t her fault, and that there were better things around the corner for her.

A better man. 

It was hard to acknowledge that without Ian, without the choices she’d had to make in an attempt to escape him and his misplaced fury, she never would have met Aaron when she did. She never would have moved into the apartment opposite him and fallen in love with him when she needed it most. The romantic side of her that would come out occasionally, usually on their anniversary or on Eleanor’s birthday, she liked to think they would have met eventually. That the universe would have pulled them together at some point, somehow. Although, she wouldn’t have everything she had now and that thought was unbearable. 

They both chuckle as they hear a crash from the dining room, followed by Eleanor’s loud apology and explanation she’d dropped her school bag. 

“I want to speak to him,” she says, and his eyebrows shoot up, his eyes flashing with something she cuts off before he can even say anything, “Maybe I can get him to say something about Foyet.” 

He sighs and leans forward, pressing his forehead into hers as he closes his eyes, giving himself a moment to breathe her in. 

“Em, you aren’t a cop. You aren’t trained for-”

“I am an excellent social worker though,” she says softly, stroking her thumb back and forth over his cheek, “Some have said one of the best on the east coast,” she smiles at him, something close to relief spreading in her stomach when he smiles back, “It’s why they let me write the policies these days.” She can tell he still isn’t sure, his jaw tight as he shakes his head slightly, “I think need to do this Aaron. I need the closure.” 

The last time she had seen Ian was when he was found guilty. She’d been offered to sit in a different room for the trial, but she’d refused - wanting to stand her ground. But she had spent the whole time glued to Aaron’s side, her hand in his as she avoided eye contact with the man who had tried to kill her, his eyes burning into her side the entire time. She wanted him to see that he hadn’t won. That his attempts to destroy her had been unsuccessful. 

Aaron sighs, his chest getting tighter as he realises he can’t argue with her, that, if he was honest, he had never been able to. If she really wanted to do this, to sit down and talk to the man who had almost torn them apart all those years ago, he would support her. 

“I’ll drive you to the jail they are holding him in if you want,” he says, and he knows he’s made the right decision the moment she smiles at him, “And I’ll wait outside for you.” 

She hugs him, her head against his chest as he holds her tightly against him, an edge of desperation in his embrace. She already knows she’ll talk him out of that, well aware that he would drive himself insane waiting for her in the jailhouse parking lot and that he’d be better at home with their daughter, the young girl a constant reminder of all the good things in the world. But she knew that wasn’t a conversation to have right now.  

“Thank you.” 

“Momma, where’s my snack?”

They both chuckle as their daughter’s voice calls from the dining room, her impatience, which Emily always denied she had inherited from her, clear. Emily pulls back from the hug and kisses Aaron quickly before she disentangles herself from him entirely.

“Duty calls,” she says, stepping towards the pantry to get Eleanor’s snack for her before she leaves the kitchen, “I’m coming sweet girl.” 

Aaron watches her walk away, his heart heavy in his chest, and he just hopes they’ve made the right decision. 

___

Emily blows out a breath as she parks outside the jailhouse just two days later. She smiles as her phone rings as soon as she’s turned off the engine, Haley’s name flashing across the screen. She shakes her head as she answers.

“He told you to call didn’t he?” She says immediately, and Haley chuckles down the phone.

“Hello to you too, Em,” she replies, “And I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m simply calling my best friend to see if she’s still planning to come over tonight to help me mourn my break-up.” 

Emily hums in disbelief as she gets out of the car, her phone wedged between her ear and her shoulder, “I’ll believe you, thousands wouldn’t.” 

They did this sometimes, arranged between the two of them to check in on her, her husband and her best friend in cahoots in a way that she knows other people she knew found strange. She falls into silence as she locks the car and stares at the jailhouse, her breath stuttering in her chest. 

“You don’t have to do this, Em,” Haley says, her kindness warming Emily from the inside out even over the phone, “You can just get straight back in your car and go home.” 

Emily laughs humourlessly, shaking her head even though her friend can’t see her, “No I have to do this. I…I know Aaron doesn’t get it but I feel like I need to do this.” 

“Then do it,” she replies, “And you can come over to mine later and we’ll drink wine and talk about dirtbag exes,” she jokes, “Although, since you’re trying to get pregnant maybe no wine for you,” she says, and Emily groans, “What? You and Aaron make adorable babies, I want another niece or nephew to spoil.” 

Emily smiles as she slowly walks towards the jailhouse, “Did you ever think when we first met that you’d be encouraging me to have kids with Aaron?” 

“Oh god no,” she replies, laughing as she speaks, “But at this point, I don’t even think of him as my ex, just your husband and a guy I happen to have a kid with,” the doorbell rings in the background and Haley sighs, “Someone is here I should go.” 

“Ok, well I need to go inside anyway,” Emily says, “I’ll see you later.”

“Love you,” Haley says, clearly half distracted as she walks towards her front door.  

“You too,” Emily replies, hanging up her phone and slipping it into her purse. She takes a deep breath and walks into the jailhouse, wanting nothing more than to be on the other side of this afternoon.

___

He looks the same.

That’s the first thing she thinks as she steps into the room she’s guided into by a cop, frozen on the spot as her eyes meet his icy blue ones that had haunted her dreams for years. He smirks at her, something that she knows once would have made her stomach flip but now it makes it churn, nausea climbing up her throat that she swallows back down.

“Hello, love,” Ian says, shifting in his seat, the metal clanking of the handcuffs holding him to the table a reassurance she didn’t know she needed, “It’s been a long time since we had the chance to talk.” 

She finds her gaze drifting to his hands, her eyes lingering on fingers that had once tried to squeeze the life out of her before she looks back at him. 

“15 years,” she says, turning to look at the cop who nods at her, closing the door behind them before he takes his place behind Ian, just a step away from him if needed. She stays standing, her hands linking in front of her as she twists her rings around her finger, and she briefly wishes she’d brought Aaron with her. 

“You married him,” Ian says, a statement, not a question, and she nods, clearing her throat. 

“Yeah,” she replies, finally walking towards the chair opposite him. She pulls it back a few feet, wanting as much space between them as possible, and sits down, “I did. Next spring will make it 10 years.” 

He smiles at her, looking her up and down in a way that makes her skin crawl, but she remains stoic.

“You look good,” he says, leaning forward as the cop places his hand on his shoulder, holding him in place, “You smell different.” 

She doesn’t flinch, instead, she clasps her hands in her lap, pinching the skin of the back of one of them to stop herself from reacting physically. 

“It’s been a long time, Ian,” she says, proud of herself for keeping her voice level, “A lot of things have changed.”

She no longer smelt like cigarette smoke and the almost sickly sweet perfume she wore as a younger woman. She smelt like her home did. A mix of the shampoo she shared with her daughter, the little girl insisting she used the same one as mommy, and the perfume Aaron had been buying her for years, a floral scent he always said he loved. She smelt like him too, their lives so intertwined that she wore him on her skin. 

“Hasn’t it just,” he replies, his fists clenching on the table he was chained to, “You have a little girl.” 

The mention of Eleanor does get a reaction from her, her eyes going wide at the mere thought of Ian knowing of her existence. The sweet, innocent little girl was so removed from everything that had happened back then that the cross-contamination makes her feel sick again. 

“How did you know that?” 

He chuckles, “My old cellmate knew a lot about you and that husband of yours,” he explains, looking satisfied with himself, “We became good friends when we realised what we had in common.”

The mention of Foyet makes her bite the inside of her cheek, her concern that the serial killer that Aaron had put away hadn’t been caught yet increasing by the day.

“Do you know where he is?” She asks, hoping to change the direction of the conversation, but Ian merely shrugs.

“He filled me in on everything I’ve missed since you got me locked up.”

“You got yourself locked up. You tried to kill me-”

“He told me all about you and your prosecutor husband. Jack and Haley, that bitch who stopped me that day,” he continues, smirking when she has to stop herself from reacting to what he’d called her friend, “And he told me all about little Ellie.” 

Her heart drops to her stomach and she clenches her jaw so tight she is surprised she doesn’t crack a tooth, “Don’t talk about her.” 

“George did his research,” he says, as if she hasn’t spoken, “He knows more about you all than you would care to know.” 

It unsettles her even further, her hands tight in her lap, and she clears her throat, “Where is he?” 

He shrugs again, “We parted ways once we made it out of that hell hole, starting the riot was easy,” he says, almost sounding bored, “Getting out was the hard part. But then I wanted to see my son and Georgie boy had other plans,” he stands up, smirking as the move and the scrape of his chair makes her jump, the clank of his handcuffs loud as he’s pulled back towards the table, his hands slamming against it, “Do you know my boy calls someone else Daddy?” He seethes, his anger as palpable as it had been that night all those years ago, and she can almost feel his hand around her throat, “How would you feel if Ellie started calling someone else Mommy?” 

“Don’t talk about her,” she repeats, her protective instincts kicking into high gear. She blows out a shaky breath, and watches as Ian is forced back into his chair by the cop standing behind him, “Why did you want to speak to me?”

Ian chuckles, “I just wanted to see what I’d missed out on,” he says, leering at her, “You always were so beautiful,” he leans back in his chair, “I knew I’d get caught again, we both know I’m not some kind of master criminal like he is. If I was, you wouldn’t be here to have this conversation.” 

She stares at him, her instincts telling her something was wrong, an uncomfortable feeling settling in her stomach.

“If you knew you’d get caught again why did you escape?” She asks, furrowing her brow, “You had 5 years left of your sentence. Now you’ll have more added on.” 

“Another 5 years for the escape, plus whatever I get for my part in the riot.”

“So what?” She asks, shaking her head, “You thought that was worth it just to scare me?” 

He laughs, the sound deep and booming in a way that steals the air from her lungs, her bad feeling only getting worse. 

“Oh love, you’ve always been so self-involved,” he says, fake sympathy dripping from every syllable, “Whoever said this was about you and me?” His eyes flick down to her wedding rings, a smirk spreading over his face that makes her blood run cold, forcing her to cover them with her other hand as if she was protecting her family from him. He looks back up at her, his stare  unrelenting. “As I said, George has some plans.”

-x-

Tag list:

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[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

Not that you have to, but do you think you could ever maybe post some helpful tips from your therapist sometime? You know, for those of us too poor for an diagnosis or a therapist. Love your posts 💜

I sure can try! I mean my therapy is tailored to my issues and my strengths, so I'll have to try and Broad Strokes it, but I'm sure many of us suffer similarly so someone might get some use from it

an analogy my psychologist is fond of using that's helped me understand emotional overload is a water tank, it's like the spoons thing

everyone has a water tank, and it drains when you do something physically or emotionally taxing, if you have autism (or another neurodivergence or mental illness or chronic condition I guess) your tank tends to drain faster or far more easily over minor things

like for example, I just moved house, it's a big change, change is overwhelming and scary, if a neurotypical person moves house, their tank drains when they're moving stuff, putting things away, getting the hang of the new set up, but once everything is settled their tank stops draining

for me, because change is very difficult, even though my new kitchen is organised how I like it, and I know where everything is, it is still mentally taxing to use it because it's different and that takes more getting used to for an autism brain, my tank is still draining just using this kitchen and it will for a while

and that applies to the whole house, everything is different, everything takes getting used to, so my tank right now is being drained every moment I'm up and doing something, which is why I've been struggling a lot more to get out of bed or off the lounge, because the lounge and bed came from my old house and they're familiar

things that used to drain my tank a little (cooking, showering, brushing my teeth) now drain my tank twice as fast because everything is in a different place

you cannot function on an empty tank, that's how you get meltdowns and shutdowns, you need to give yourself time to refill, stimming can refill it a little, leisure activities and hobbies can refill it a lot, familiar things, calming things help, but SLEEP is the big one

she told me that SLEEP is what an overstimulated brain needs the most, get enough sleep and you can completely refill your tank

honestly it's a lot like the energy bar in Stardew Valley, if you go to bed late your energy takes penalties for every hour after midnight, that's accurate to life, your brain won't finish regulating without proper rest, you won't fill your tank

absolute gamechanger learning that, like you always know that you feel crappy if you don't get enough rest, but knowing that it's majorly cutting down your ability to handle all the other draining things in your life? it really helped me prioritise good sleeping habits

like I always sacrificed sleep for leisure activities thinking that they were what I needed most to refill my tank, but in reality it was way less effective

she also taught me that blue light filters on phone screens aren't 100% effective and phones can still impact your ability to fall asleep quickly, she told me just taking an extra fifteen to twenty minutes of doing something without a screen before bedtime will help a lot, for me that's been reading a book, I really wanted to start getting through more books so she told me to combine strategies, use the book to help get better sleep

I used to read voraciously as a kid, but burnt myself out and now struggle to just pick one up, but I was worried that if I DID get invested once I started, that I would accidentally lose track of time and stay up late reading, losing sleep like when I was a kid and would end up staying up until 3am

so my therapist says 'didn't you tell me you do that all the time with your phone and get frustrated with yourself because you find social media and app games unfulfilling? Well if you accidentally stay up late reading a book instead, you might be annoyed that you stayed up late, but at least you have the positive aspect of having done a task you find fulfilling, instead of the double negative of staying up and being frustrated that it was because of using your phone, and also you're more likely to get tired and start falling asleep while reading than you are staring at a screen'

and this isn't 'all screens are bad phones are the devil' rhetoric, she doesn't demonise my phone or how much time I spend on it (I was the one who asked for help with my phone use) but she DOES recognise that a lot of social media and app games are designed to suck you in, and they're extremely effective on adhd brains, I'm not just struggling because I have poor self control, I'm struggling because corporate greed is taking advantage of my adhd by using every psychological trick in the book to keep me online

and that is something I was already aware of and recognised, so I was actively asking her for advice on how to get around it because it was making me feel like crap, and her advice is working! I DO have a much easier time putting my book away than my phone because I DO feel more tired after reading

and now I've introduced this new rule of 'no phones after reading we just go straight to sleep' my autism brain is latching onto the new habit, I check all my social medias before picking up the book, so I'm less tempted to check them AFTER the book, the only thing I do after reading is load up one of the podcasts or spotify playlists I listen to when I go to sleep

even if I do accidentally stay up late on my phone, I will still try to fit at least ten minutes of reading before I try to sleep, even if it's 2am, and it really does help settle my adhd brain

I know this probably won't help everyone, but it's worth at least trying, another thing she told me is 'don't be afraid of trying new habits because you're the one in control, you can stop at any time if you think it isn't working, but you won't know if it'll work if you don't at least try it out, you can set a goal, try it for a week and see how you feel, there's no real consequence to just giving it a go'

I was doing really well with some of my new habits, and then I got sick for a week and they all went out the window, my next appointment with her I shared how frustrated I was about having to start them from scratch, she told me 'but you aren't starting from scratch, you tried it out, you know it's effective, and you know you can do it, you've had practice now, it's not a mystery any more, it's something that you know works for you, that isn't starting from scratch, it's picking it up again with experience'

THAT was something I really needed to hear

I hope you can find some of this helpful anon, if I get any more groundbreaking advice I'll try to share it ~

[not-bcring]

"You know, I always thought I knew wh-what I wanted and that I always got what I wanted. And then, everything I th-th-thought I wanted blew up in my face," Seto said hesitantly, eyes glancing between Shuichi and somewhere in the sky as if the clouds had written what he wanted to say. "N-nothing is like what I thought it was, including you."

"I'm realizing everything I thought I wanted was just what others told me I should want." What Ikuto told him he should want. "It was just what I needed to do to feel safe, feel like I had a home and someone who loved me. And some... some..  some part of me still feels that way. Like my body or my talent is the only reason someone would ever care about me, and that's okay as long as I get what I want!" He can feel the tears welling up in his eye, tears he thought had dried up a long time ago.

"B-b-but I don't even know if I can tell what I want anymore!... Except for one thing." Straightening up, he looked the other directly in the eye now as he took a few steps forward. He took the detective's hands in his. "Through all the confusion and doubt, I know I want one thing. I want you, and I want you to want me just as much. Not just sexually, but more than that."

With that, he took one final step forward into Shuichi's space, leaning to be close enough to feel his breath on his lips but never allowing them to touch, and he whispered teasingly, "But also, very sexually."

(Seto finally has an answer to Shuichi's confession after being freed. nickelsdrcocs or naughtydr depending on where you wanna take this.)

-  ✩   「 @naughtydr​ 」   ✩  

「 ☆ 」   It’s been a taxing few weeks for all of them. Emotionally and mentally draining, Shuichi struggling to keep his head above water while wave upon wave crashed over. People breathing down his neck, clawing at his reputation— rushing at the chance to bring down the renowned detective —and throwing anything they can at him to make things more difficult. They know. He KNOWS they do. At the very least, highly suspect Shuichi hasn’t been entirely forthcoming about the facts of the case and the mysterious massacre involved. 

But he hadn’t budged. If anything, he dug his heels in more firmly. Dirtied his hands further with ‘ information ’ he had tucked away ( precisely for moments like this ) about superiors, fellow investigators, anyone and everyone who posed a risk to him or anyone he was protecting. He wasn’t upfront about it. Never giving specifics. Never giving them anything they could use to incriminate him. Not that he can entirely stop the backlash of blackmail. But he knows. And they know... And no one else has to.

And... it’s worth it. Whatever he has to do is worth is, so long as it helps Seto.

Uncertain why the other man had wanted to meet him, Shuichi’s nerves had been going awry since he first received the message. Wondering what had gone wrong, what he had missed, what he needed to fix... Quick mind had thrown a million scenarios his way, each one more nauseating than the last. But reality was NOTHING like he had expected. Shuichi had tried so hard to keep from dwelling on his confession to Seto— not that it worked —that he hadn’t let himself even consider that he’d ever get a response to it.

But now, with the last lights of day streaming away to welcome the solemn night, he is.

As Seto speaks, Shuichi feels a weight in his chest, suffocating him with its familiarity. More than aware of what it can be like to not have safety guaranteed. To need to accept certain- realities... just to ensure a home and someone willing to give it to him. To feel cared about, even if it’s in a way that doesn’t feel entirely right. At least it’s SOMETHING. At least they can be considered something. To have people telling them what is best. To believe it. To NEED to. Because if they don’t... That just brings even more confusion and even more pain.

Feeling like their worth lies in what they can provide, and not who they are.

Overcome with an urge to wipe away Seto’s tears, he manages to keep his hands to himself, not wanting to make any unwanted contact. It’s hard though. Resisting the urge to touch him. Hug him. When Seto grabs his hands, Shuichi’s breath catches in his chest, wide eyes glossed over with tears he hadn’t wanted to shed. Trembling, his hands hold onto the other man’s, Shuichi shakily exhaling as he finds himself unable to break away from Seto’s gaze. He wants him... Seto wants him. He actually wants him? Heart pounding in his chest, he can barely hear Seto’s words over its internal racing... but he still hears them.

Tensing at the tease, he should have expected it, gaze briefly flits down to Seto’s lips. So close and yet keeping their distance. Letting Shuichi have that small shred of comfort. Skin flushed with a heat that doesn’t stay on his face where it belongs, Shuichi shakily swallows and tries to speak through light breaths. But words fail... Only able to be forced out when he tears his eyes away, looking to the side, watching the colors that have overtaken the sky,  ❝  I... I know what it’s- like... to feel your only worth comes from what you can- ... give people.  ❞  Hold on Seto’s hands grows a bit tighter, as if reassuring them both that it’s actually there.  ❝  But you... You don’t make me feel that way. You make me feel like- ... I’m enough.  ❞  

❝  Not my talent. Not my looks... Just- me.  ❞

Tongue flits across his lips, Shuichi swallowing a lump in his throat,  ❝  I trust you... and- ... I want you. All of you.  ❞  Colors fading into night, they reflect against ebony hair, illuminating the Detective with the final touches of day. Retreating in on himself, hair starts to further fall across his uncertain expression, a silken curtain that golden hues peek through as Shuichi looks back at Seto. Words quieter, he admits despite the unease settling in his gut,  ❝  And I want you to have me too... In- every way.  ❞  Honestly? He’s scared.

He’s so, so scared... 

But there will also never be a better moment to take this chance. Seto wants him. Really wants him. Than to TRY. If he can’t give himself to Seto- if he can’t... make good on his word. Prove that he trusts him. When will he ever be able to? He has to. Meekly looking at Seto, Shuichi can’t bring himself to say anything else. Gaze pleading for the other man to understand, for him to somehow make things alright, he just waits to see if Seto was serious about his words. Or if it was merely another tease, same as all the others. Did he mess this moment up?

Please, let him not mess this up.   「 ☆ 」 

[thevexedvixen]

WIP Wednesday 3/1/23

boy howdy it’s been a minute since i posted a WIP huh? it’s been an emotionally taxing and mentally draining to the start of the year and not even writing gave me any joy there for a while. a lil fic idea popped in my head recently and hopefully posting this lil WIP will encourage me to finish it as quick as i can! very short because the oneshot itself prolly won’t be too long either 

.

.

.

“No, no, she’s right,” Beau agrees when Essek turns back. “I wanna hear this.”

“There’s not much else to say,” Essek insists stiffly.

“Bullshit.” Beau downs the last of her wine before going on, “You were in Aeor together almost a full goddamn month and nothing happened? No way, I don’t believe it.”

“Well, you had better believe it because it’s true.”

[shamebats]

greetings, i am writing to ask for advice. do you happen to have any experience living with people who try to control your diet?

for context i want to eat less meat, at this point in my life i would like to try becoming vegetarian (with my current cooking skills + the stuff available in stores around me, i think turning vegan all at once would be too much to handle). i used to live alone or with a vegetarian friend and back then it was no big deal when i avoided meat or did whatever. but i couldn't afford the rent anymore and now i am back to living with my family.

unfortunately my family tends to be controlling, with a bunch of stuff really but my mother is especially hung up on what i eat. it's super important to both my parents that we all eat together at the same time, and ideally for them we all eat the same thing. usually i can't avoid my mother seeing what i eat, and when she sees me with vegan or vegetarian substitutes she can get quite rude and obnoxious. obviously i understand that reducing harm is a worthy cause, but at the same time it can get draining to have arguments with my parents constantly because they don't believe i should get to decide what i put in my mouth. i suppose moving out would be a solution but like. i don't think i can afford that right now.

when i am alone or with friends i go for vegan or vegetarian stuff, with my parents i do that sometimes, and there are certain kinds of meat that i refuse even to my mother's face. but overall i am still not where i would like to be. sometimes i eat what my family makes because i don't want to get into an argument about it and i feel conflicted about that, on the one hand i'm not getting snarked at but on the other hand i end up eating meat to keep the peace.

i was wondering if you went through something similar. any idea what you'd do in a situation like this?

anyway, thank you for reading, and feel free to ignore this ask if it's too much to get into

I do have experience with that because my parents also forced my brother and I to eat meat growing up out of this misguided belief most people have that you need it to be healthy, especially as a child, but I'm not sure if what worked for me (ignoring them and not participating in arguments) would work in your particular case.

I basically just sat down, ate my food as fast as I could and went back to my room without speaking to them and eventually they stopped because they were the types of bullies who lose interest when they don't get a reaction out of you. I think I went years as a teen without speaking to any of them at lunch, which was the only meal we ate together.

My brother, on the other hand, didn't eat any of the meat, only the sides, when he was little and was underweight a lot, which I obviously can't recommend, but you could do that and eat most of your meals outside the home or keep food in your room if you're able to.

If you can, put your foot down and just do your own thing, but if you feel like this could threaten your living situation, you might have to suffer through it, which will also be emotionally taxing but you'll be able to get out eventually.

I know there's a lot of threads about this kind of stuff on r/vegan. It's a very common issue in the community, there are lots of people going through the same thing you are.

[strangerthings1975]

I am admitting that I was once very judgemental of the time it takes to write a fic, despite you not knowing I felt this way I feel like I need to confess and say how grateful I am that you can write MPG and upload it at the speed you do.

I am currently writing a fic with heavy topics and now I fuckin understand the time it takes between uploads, I write a few lines and I’m so emotionally drained from it like seriously idc how you managed some chapters! So very grateful!

Wow I can’t even explain how happy this ask made me. It’s so validating. Thank you!! 🖤🖤

(Also glad you think I upload fast because I don’t think I do at all lmao 😅)

When I first started writing MPG, I was releasing chapters every few days, and it was fairly easy because nothing crazy was happening and the chapters were all kind of short.

Then around Ch. 10 I started having a super difficult time because things were getting more intense, and I had a stronger sense of where I wanted the story to go, and it involved a higher word count and so much more angst than I’d ever written before, and to be quite honest my anxiety has sky rocketed during the process of writing this story. I don’t sleep well, my focus is shot, and I’m constantly stressed. Spending so much time (several hours a day for 4+ months) with anxious, overthinking Steve and traumatized Eddie is sooo emotionally taxing. And that’s on top of everything else, like the pressure of people being excited about the story and not wanting to let anyone down, and the discouragement when certain chapters aren’t liked as much as others, and everything else that goes with participating in fandom.

And yeah, I’m really glad you get it!! Because it’s not easy to write fic in general let alone a heavy fic, and I don’t think people realize how harmful it can be to expect writers to whip out chapters every other day like it’s nothing.

PLUS!! MPG is probably like a 6.5/10 on the angst scale, because I’ve heard of/read much worse…and I’m wrecked lmao so I couldn’t even fucking imagine what it’s like for those writers. I would be checking myself into the psych ward in the hospital at that point. 😅😅

🖤🖤🖤🖤

Anyway, thank you for reaching out!! I’m grateful for your understanding and new perspective!! Good luck on your own story. 🖤🖤🥰

[usertoxicyaoi]

Jfc I'm 1/3 through ep 6 and Seunwoo is telling Minsung he's not interested in Seungho and then in the same breath calls Jungho a love rival.... like dude... you don't know what you want!

I think Seunwoo lowkey wants Jungho and is using Seungho to get back at him for not choosing him and being so set on Sungho.

Like, he's manipulating both Jungsung by going out with Sungho- knowing full well JS's into SH; and Sungho, when he doesn't even like him like that and considers him a dongsaeng yet knows he's very much interested in him romantically and is choosing him over JS...

... like, dude, get out of the way and stop leading Seungho on and let Junsung do his thing if you're being insecure about yourself and doubting your feelings for Seungho whilst Junsung has been determined since the beginning!

... I really do think his indecision is messing him up because he used to have the most suitors, and since he's been fluttering around everyone, he's lost the interest of most of them except Yeonhee...

yeah, I'm getting annoyed by Seunwoo (ﾟーﾟ)

Man, I just wished SH could have heard that conversation with him and Minsung about him not being likely to choose him outside of His Man... Maybe that would've gotten him over SW.

hiiii anon!!! honestly after seeing his behaviour in ep 6 and 7 i just. im done with seunwoo. those kinda people are Draining and so emotionally taxing to be around and that's exactly what he has become. i cant stand him anymore with all the comments he came out with about the different house members and how flippant and regardless he is.

all i could see was just. how HAPPY and LIGHT and RELAXED sungho felt being with junsung in ep 7. he could still talk about his feelings with junsung but in such an open and comfortable way with no pressure or tension or conflict whatsoever. it just felt so easy. compare that to how TENSE sungho has been with seunwoo in ep 6 and 7 whenever they've talked ..... it says A Lot.

[ahopkins1965]

What could you do more of?   I would like to go back to Church and Bible Study at Fort McKinley United Methodist Church located on 3721 West Siebenthaler Avenue Dayton Ohio 45406.  I really would like to purchase a brand new computer by Dell.   I would like to write more essays and blogs that are very nice.   What could I do more of?   I would like to go to the attic that is inside of my apartment building because I have noticed that people who are smoking marijuana and Fentaynl right now.   My Property Manager at Wentworth HI Rise Apartments in Dayton, Ohio is one of the worse Property Managers in the State of Ohio.   I really need to work at the Wentworth HI Rise Apartments just to eliminate a whole lot of illegal activities that are inside of the building.   I am giving a vote of No Confidence for the Administration Staff.  What could you do more of?   I need to write an Investigation Report on Wentworth HI Rise Apartments in Dayton, Ohio.   I need to start drinking Purified Water from Aquafina.  I need to purchase a years supply of Purified Water from the Kroger Grocery Store right now.   I need to write an essay at least 5 times per week.  What could I do more of?   I really need to give God and Jesus Christ a whole lot more of my time because I think my life is meaningful to me.   I know that God has big plans that he has for me.   What could I do more of?   I really need to start attending the City Council Meetings at City Hall in Dayton, Ohio.   I have a lot of questions for the Mayor of Dayton, Ohio.   Lord Jesus Christ, I have to give you more of my time because I have to learn how to listen to God's Voice.   I need to improve my Self Esteem and have more respect for myself.   Lord Jesus, I am in need of prayer and change for myself. Prayer is very important to me because God is working inside of me.  Frankly, there are a lot of Residents who are smoking marijuana and Crack Cocaine mixed with Fentaynl right now.   My life is worth living.  I also need to start paying my Tithes and Offerings to the Church forever.   God, Please help me to become a mature adult man who loves You.   I really need to start reading the Bible each day of the week because I need encouragement and support from God.  I am a 59 year old man who is very intelligent and Gifted.   I just want God and Jesus Christ to forgive me of all of my sins and transgressions.  There are Residents, who are smoking marijuana, Crack Cocaine and Fentaynl right now inside of the hallway at Wentworth HI Rise Apartments.   Lord Jesus Christ, I am in need of your advice and suggestions regarding Life itself.  I really cannot be around people, who are smoking and drinking alcohol because it interferes with my Recovery.   My Recovery is my Responsibility!  Love is inside of my heart right now.   Lord Jesus, I really need you in my life.  Please keep me in your sight because there are other people, who really want to physically and mentally fight me.   I truly love you Lord God and Jesus Christ.   Please pray for me and my entire family members and friends because Satan has been trying to hurt me right now.   Lord Jesus Christ, please allow me to get a decent job, so that I can pay my Student Loans and back taxes that I owe money to the State of North Carolina Department of Revenue.  Physically and Mentally, and emotionally I feel drained and exhausted.   God Bless All of You!  Thank you for reading my essay today 🙏.   God, I thank you for accepting me and giving me Spiritual Discernment and Wisdom.   God Loves You and So Do I!  Lord God, please help all of the residents who are living inside of Wentworth HI Rise Apartments located on 2765 Wentworth Avenue Dayton, Ohio 45406.  Please pray for Our Fractured Sanctuary Cities inside of the State of Ohio and in the United States of America right now.   The Love that I have inside of my heart; I will take with me to heaven.

[winn-schott-throughtheheart]

listen. listen. listen. I could rant for so fucking long about how much I despise Lyra and James but I'll try keep it brief.

James is routinely manipulative towards Winn. in season ONE he hits him with the "do you really want Kara to find out that YOU let me do this alone??" as if he isn't responsible for his own fucking actions and also deliberately jeopardised Winns relationship with Kara for his own sake. I also have reason to firmly believe that James KNEW Kara didn't like Winn that way, but he pushed him to confess his feelings to her in 1x08 ANYWAY, knowing she'd reject him and therefore removing the competition.

Lyra is literally physically abusive, and I'll never understand the people in this fandom that like her and can excuse it. She smashes a bottle in Winn's face and destroys the gift he got for her, in a PUBLIC SPACE, purely to embarrass and scare him. HE FLINCHES BACK. it wouldn't surprise me at all if Winn deliberately chose to have that meeting in a public space because he knew she would react like that when he tried to let her down as gently as he possibly could. She's also sexually domineering, coming onto Winn very quickly and suddenly on their very first date and completely ignoring all the plans that HE had made, and he also literally says that she leaves bruises on him. and whether these are hickeys or not, something tells me she didn't fucking ask if he was okay with it.

I will add that James actually witnesses Lyra smash a bottle and scream in Winn's face, and then tries to get them back together anyway. Many of you will know the analogy about cats being a lesson of consent, and if someone openly hates cats, then it's pretty telling that they're a major asshole who can't respect boundaries.

Lyra eats cats.

On another note, James is repeatedly dismissive of Winn's struggles. In 3x14, when Winn's mother has just returned after abandoning him 20 years prior, James gives him a lecture about how when HIS dad died, he blamed his mum, even though she was still doing her best to take care of him and Kelly. Winn very rightfully looks extremely uncomfortable and unimpressed here, because James is insinuating that Winn is overreacting to the fact that his (also abusive) mother just walked back into his life, bringing back all of his past trauma, and actually implying that WINN IS TO BLAME for the state of their relationship. James is incapable of having a conversation that doesn't draw back to himself in some way.

Also, he literally sees Winn get attacked and held at fucking gunpoint, and then expects him not to be bothered about it and be absolutely fine to go back into the field the day after. He doesn't check up on him, he doesn't ask if he's okay. James also discovers Winn has fallen asleep on the job, because, you know, he works a very taxing and emotionally draining job already, and James is making him give up hours of his free time to help him achieve his dreams of becoming a superhero because he can't stand to not be in the spotlight for a single second, but I digress- he discovers him asleep on the job, and instead of calling it a night because his right hand man is so fucking exhausted to the point he's passed out, he makes him stay out even later.

I said I'd try to keep this brief but clearly I lied. tldr I fucking hate these two characters. the issue of Winn's parents is a whole new can of worms that I will get into another day but for now enjoy my rantings.

i think we need some more drinks.

[yuna-writes]

Being a thinker

...has it's contradicting irony. It's odd because as a thinker, I know human behavior and the human condition really well. On the outer surface, a lot of people find me emotionless or detached from emotions. I understand how people feel, but I just don't feel their emotions in a way that I would express them outwardly. People interpret them as me being indifferent or uncaring about their emotions but that's just how I am. I'm a thinker, and not a feeler.

In relationships it creates a lot of strain because people want to feel needed or wanted. If they feel their friend or partner seems detached from the relationship, it makes them feel like the relationship is lacking. To be honest, I had people feeling upset with me, and I was truly oblivious as to why they felt upset. Overtime, I realize I seem rather disconnected or detached from the relationship. This is some of the challenges being with a thinker. I need my alone time to think and process my emotions.

Some of the positives of being a thinker is people tell me I seem very calm, collected and rational when there's chaos. Some tell me I have no fear. So this helps me a lot because I can make logical decisions without the emotional component which usually distracts people from their goals. I'm a good problem solver and can get myself out of very complex problems. However, I'm not exactly the first person chosen as a friend. Whatever a friend means anyway. It's true, I find most relationships emotionally draining and taxing. It's like I can't sustain it for a long time before feeling burnt out. I notice people who are interested in relationships are very emotional and needy people. They want to be in a relationship to depend on each other.

It's not that I don't want to make friends or being a relationship with a partner. But I also prefer not to be with someone who's too dependent on me and constantly need attention. I guess what I'm implying is that I prefer being with someone who's also independent. Emotions feels like the slippery soap you need to walk through, and dealing with other people's emotions makes me feel stressed. It does make me sound like a dismissive avoidant person. There's a notion that usually thinkers are the dismissive type and the pursuers are always constantly chasing after their hearts until the pursuers feel disappointed their feelings not being reciprocated. I find it somewhat relatable because I had experiences where I felt someone trying to get my attention but I would feel overwhelmed and avoid it. The dynamic is interesting too, because usually most men have a very avoidant or dismissive personality when it comes to expressing emotions. It's usually women being the pursuer in the relationship.

Approaching relationship has always been the most challenging part of adulthood. It was much easier as a kid, but I suppose kids don't have much responsibilities. The reasoning is more nuanced and complex ranging from my past experiences. If you're a really independent person, the less likely you feel compelled to seek a relationship. If you enjoy your own solitude, you wouldn't really feel the desire to be around other people. The question becomes, why do we need to be in a relationship? It's a question I ask myself occasionally. It's like the weird irony is the more rational you are, the more likely you realize relationships are not important because it's built on the emotional part. The thinker don't value emotions but value solving problems. It's possible to be in a relationship with a thinker, but there are challenges associated with it. The thinker may need more time alone and detached from the person, but at the same time, they aren't really a needy person so there isn't much work involved to maintain the relationship. I did notice the feeler types are more loving and empathetic, but require a lot more work to maintain the relationship with them because they want to depend on you in the relationship. Usually, I'm pretty self-reliant in solving my own problems. It comes with it's own challenges, sometimes I have issues asking for help. There comes a time when relationships are needed, and I'm learning the importance of it.