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itsabouttimex2 · 8 days ago

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So, for the Eclipse Kings,

I feel that it is going to be very interesting when the kings go from seeing you(the reader) as a hanger on to their son, to their other child. I don't know how you plan to go about it, but this is an idea I had:

So, you're stuck here, for now at least. MK doesn't want to let you go, and the kings feel indebted to you enough to make sure you don't, like, starve. It could be worse, but you don't really want to stay.

And good news! You probably won't have to. You're not their kid. They don't care about you, beyond a sense of obligation, really. And while MK is basically your brother, siblings don't always live right next to each other. You can leave and promise to come back or something. Macaque, at least, will probably be glad to get your pathetic, scarred, human self out of his pristine home.

It'll be fine. You can work with this.

You can work with the mat on the floor, still more comfortable than your old hut, and the clothes not quite made for you, but still better than anything you had, and the room that isn't yours, but it isn't cold, either. You'll probably leave in the spring, after this winter.

And then, something changes. Because things are starting to properly fit you, the only human in this palace, now.

You have a bed, now, and a room to go with it(although you and MK still tend to sleep closer together than not).

And you don't tend to hallucinate, but you must have, just now. Or else Macaque just introduced you and MK as his "kids".

And you can't be their kid, and be free. They just got MK back, after assuming he was dead. You've seen how closely they watch him. He'll probably never leave, or at least not anytime soon, and never for long.

Maybe you're misunderstanding things, you think. After all, they're not heartless. Wukong has always been prone to getting in other's personal space, surely him picking you up to show you something he thought you would like is a normal extension of that.

And even if they did care, you're human. That's got to be an issue, right? No one would accept a human as part of Flower Fruit Mountain's royal family. Also, you won't live half as long as them. Why would they get attached?

However, when someone is even half as powerful as these kings, it turns out that these are solvable problems, really.

And they have never been good about losing what's theirs. Especially not now that they decided they have more to lose.

(Sorry if this doesn't fit with what you're planning. I just had lots of thoughts.)

Eclipse Kings

Growing Accustomed

(Anon, this is exactly it. It’s little things. And I love how you write BTW?? It’s so good!)

The starting disparity is undeniable, even though it’s not malicious and sometimes necessary, and honestly even understandable.

MK gets steak with broth and rice. You get porridge and diced fruit. Fair- he’s got a stronger stomach than you, because you always made sure that he ate better, ate cleaner, ate more. Your stomach isn’t adjusted to anything above the literal bare minimum. He can process meat without losing his guts, you can’t.

So it’s actually the furthest thing from unfair, given that it’s custom catered to your needs. Hell, they even mix in honey to make it more palatable.

But only because they owe you.

So it’s nothing more than repaying a debt when they ensure that the maidservants have a full list of food appropriate to serve you, each meal shared on MK’s insistence- it’s nothing.

Not yet.

Your mat is nothing special to them, and at first they doubt that you’ll sleep well- then the kings see how deeply you rest, how hard it is to rouse you. It’s perfectly cozy, not to them, but to you. MK tells them you slept on the ground before, left the little bedding available to him. You slept cold and hungry, but he was warm and fed, draped in whatever you could scrounge up.

So they plan to make things a little cozier, maybe only to see how you’ll react, maybe only because MK refuses to use his own bed and instead sleeps on your chest, maybe only because every minute spent with or around you is another reminder that they owe you their son’s life a hundred times and several years over.

Which has Macaque wonder if you can’t be a little cozier, because maybe he owes you some comfort after the hell you endured to provide for his son.

He calls you to the washroom one day and gives you a few of his nicer supplies, a soothing cream for wounds in one jar, a lovely citrus perfume in another. Things he has because Wukong convinced him to love himself enough to indulge in luxuries, now shared with some little mortal that didn’t know such things existed before now.

You have scars, the same as him. Macaque pointlessly “punished” himself for the death of a son still-living, hungry and cold and dirty. You earned yours the hard way, by living as best you could to take care of MK.

You have the scars for the same reason, but yours are a thousand times more earned, less piteous, and far, far worse.

So he teaches you how to take care of them, stretches to work through when they start to ache, what to eat to loosen tension in the body, so on and so forth.

But only because he owes you. Nothing more.

Not yet.

(But you use that perfume each day, and the monkey certainly doesn’t miss how you brighten at the little taste of luxury.)

And MK- “Qi Xiaotian”, they say, trying hard to drill that lovely (it really is lovely, but you don’t think it fits him) name into your mouth, but it tastes bitter and wrong. He’s only ever been your little “Monkie Kid”, even before his years-long illusion (glamour, some call it) wore off.

MK, with all his love for you, anchors you in place.

Fine. That’s fine.

You can justify it. Reason your way through staying, never realizing that you’re adjusting.

You can’t leave because it’s too cold. Because you’re too hurt. Because there’s no easy way to find food. Because, a dozen times over, and the truth is that the only thing keeping you here is the prince.

“Qi Xiaotian”, alight with gleeful laughter, who refuses to sleep unless you’re within arm’s reach, who insists you share every new toy or treat the kings bring him. “You’re my big sibling,” he says, voice bright with conviction. “Why wouldn’t I share?”

It’s easy to let that logic soothe you. After all, MK’s the real reason you’re here. Without him, the kings wouldn’t even know you existed.

So you settle in a little more.

It’s not like you get used to all this, after all.

And then Sun Wukong grows a little more doting. Now your food is somewhat like theirs, tender cuts of meat served beside your porridge to help the adjustment back to solid and hearty food. Fruit juice in place of water. Bread with jam. Only a little bit of each, but your plate is more appealing, and you enjoy those meals a little more each day with all the new things you get to try.

He even grows playful once or twice, clinking his gilded goblet against your glass, pretending to toast with you.

You smile. It’s not the sort of fun orphans like you often get to have.

(He’s starting to cherish your smile. How cute! How sweet! No wonder you cheer his little Xiaotian up!)

You get tucked in sometimes, when you fall asleep and sprawl over MK, who cuddles into your chest like he always has- this means subjecting yourself to nightly check-ups from the kings, but they come with glasses of water and fluffy blankets, so who cares?

They tuck you both in, mostly because any form of separation would be impossible.

And maybe because it’s just cute to see their kids sleeping happily and; more importantly, safely.

Then Macaque wants to change your wardrobe. He calls you in one day, right back to the washroom from before.

Has it been months already?

Weren’t you supposed to leave when spring came blooming through?

He drapes a new hanfu over your shoulders- the last one was shabbier, duller. It was a non-distinct blue and dull white, but this one is black with gold embroidery. He ties a silk sash around your waist and then pulls a fur-lined cape over your shoulders.

It’s warm. It has to be warm, because there’s a cold chill coming in and you’ll “need” to be comfortable through it. There’s no explanation given as to why it matters to him, so you just assume that the king is being a good host.

After all, it’s not like he cares about you.

…right?

It can’t be.

But he goes a step further and tends to your hair with a vast array of implements and products, trimming the uneven edges and setting it with many different creams for restoration. And then applies a few balms for your lips, your nose…

So eventually you’ve whiled the whole day away being doted on and in some manner “soothed”, feeling genuinely and honestly good, and even-

Pretty.

You’ve never felt pretty before.

His hand, harsh as it was days prior, gently swipes the tears gathering in your eyes, then pats your head.

(And he starts wondering if maybe having an older child wouldn’t be so bad.)

And maybe when Wukong is talking to Azure and Yellowtusk about some new invention they’re brainstorming to improve the lives of mortals, some form of metal that always twists to point north, keeping them from losing their way in untamed wildernesses and winding paths. The science of it goes over his head, but he nods along anyways- anything for his Brotherhood.

And you come along to tell him something maybe that trends to “unimportant”, given that you just tug his sleeve with a mild expression, content to wait- and Wukong, really without thinking, scoops you up and sits you on his hip, motioning out a little bounce here and there.

It should be embarrassing (and it is, a little), but… he’s warm, you’re waiting for his attention anyways, and it’s not like either of the demons he’s speaking to mind, so… you just don’t argue.

But even when they leave he doesn’t put you down, and instead cradles you again, like he did the first night you both met, like a father holds his newborn baby, one arm supporting your back and legs, the other your neck. He asks what you need, and smiles when you tell him.

And even when he goes off to do whatever it is that you needed, well… Sun Wukong still does not put you down.

But maybe he just wasn’t thinking on it.

(If you were a frog, the water would be nearing a boil.)

And then there are parental threats, little idle “warnings” that they don’t seem intent on following through with.

Threats that your mouth with be scrubbed with soap, or that you’ll be sent to the corner, or taken over a knee, or some other generic punishment that a parent wouldn’t think twice about administering… but surely they aren’t being serious.

Surely.

After all, those are things parents do to their children, and you are not their child.

So you accept it as “teasing”.

The suggestions that the kings might see fit to correct your behavior slowly become reality- mostly in the form of lectures or lightly tugged ears. They do not remove privileges, given that you take and do so little- would they take your food or bedding, and make you fear a return to your squalid lifestyle?

Instead they just… talk. Talk about how you’ve disappointed them, how they’re sad, upset. How you’ve “let them down”, but there’s still second chances because they know you can “do better”.

You’re teasing MK, something harmless but just sharp enough to make him pout and snap back at you. The kings are in the room, half-paying attention, but you can feel their presence like a storm cloud hanging over your head.

Wukong’s tail lashes once, twice, and then he’s there, tugging lightly at your ear.

“Hey,” he says, his voice mock-stern but with an edge that makes you freeze. “Be nice. That’s your brother.”

Before you can be scared, Wukong lets go, ruffling your hair like he’s brushing away the moment itself, and you’re left standing there, your heart racing for reasons you don’t fully understand.

And you finally can’t find a way to justify it- because they have finally dropped the act and stopped pretending that you aren’t family.

You can’t leave, because they’ve decided you belong here.

Not because they owe you. Not because of MK.

Because you’re theirs.

#Platonic Yandere #Yandere Lego Monkie Kid #Yandere LMK #Yandere Sun Wukong #Yandere Macaque #MK #Azure Lion #Yellowtusk #Yandere Father #Eclipse Kings #Not The Beloved

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jaal-ama-daravv · 9 days ago

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dissecting the mortal emmrich argument scene (all routes)

dissecting the graveyard scene dissecting the mortal romance path scene how I think an argument reconcilation scene could've went emmrich x rook cinematic (mortal)

lich version dissecting the alternate romance path dissecting the argument scene (lich path) mortal vs lich romance path emmrich x rook cinematic

Emmrich Volkarin - Dissecting the Mortal Argument Scene

welcome back dearies

lets not dally with this one and get right into it -

starting strong with emmrich reviewing his will and testament/s -

important, but not yet, so do go on -

the emphasis on will tells us alot. coming from a storyboarding background, its easy to see why the emphasis was put on will. emmrich chose mortality, and will thereofre face death head on, as will rook. but due to rook being younger than emmrich (in any capacity), emmrich states that rook will outlive him. now he hasn't said it yet, but his fear is about to rear its head. keep in mind throughout all of this that this man is scared of how much he adores you.

but in the same sentence, we've got, "You've... grown to mean much to me..." - head over heels in love, rip my heart out and serve it to you in a platter, my heart, body and soul is yours type o' love.

I just wanna shake him, oh i just wanna shake him like a bag of treats, but very aggressively. he is so obviously LYING, rook makes a comment earlier in the game about how he is a SHIT LIAR. it sounds the exact same. BUT, and I say but with a hint of 'ah -ha!', lets read between the lines -

I care for you Rook! Deeply. - man has never been down as bad as he is - emmrich has never felt love like this. But there are such years between us - shut up rn I shouldn't heap you with that burden - HERE. he knows that Rook loves him, he can feel it. I imagine between quests they hold eachother's hand as the read books together on the balcony. as they make tea. as emmrich shows rook his mothers recipes. emmrich knows rook loves him, he just doesn't realize can nor accept how much rook loves him.

bonus, BURDEN ME, Im begging you, to BURDEN ME.

DIVERGENCE

god it hurt to replay this scene 3 times

Path 1 - Please don't worry, Emmrich.

he also broke my heart by worrying because i too, love him

fuck this line. i love you but look, I get where emmrich is coming from, but no. no no no, no no. whats fair would the world to be ending and being able to spend every waking moment in eachothers arms, to spend the final moments of 'what if' craddling your insecurities and nurturing love. instead we at the end of the world, arguing, because both rook and emmrich are fucking terrified to lose eachother. something about 'being fair' to someone by 'leaving' them irks meeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

solid and appropriate response

moving on because i have nothing nice to say

get his ass

emmrich is shockingly, overthinking the concept of death. ya know, that thing that cant be soothed or mulled over, pierces his heart and shakes his core? that, thing. yes shockingly, overthinking it. i get both perspectives here. Rook just wants to be taken serously and not for their age gap to come between the love they have finally found. emmrich so scared out of his mind he's trying to avoid it entirely. if you want a really gutteral playthrough before point of no return, pick this. I did, on my blind playthrough, it was a mistake, i cried alot.

unfortunately, very valid on both statement, but also true on both statements. Emmrich is both worried about Rook and insecure about dying. because either way, he loses rook, he loses his time with her. in this line of dialogue, emmrich is vry concerned with burdening rook with his death and the grief that will follow. Rook essentially tries to calm him in the worst way possible and it escalates. im not a fan of this dialogue path at all as the "at your age" comment is so out of pocket.

Path 2 - I mean something to you!

if you were to of told me that the purple rook option is the 'nicest' in these scenarios, I would...not believe you at all. It's still painful, but it's not an 'argument?'

strong start ngl

mans immediately defensive, but his tone of voice isn't raised like in the other scenarios. its more poised with care through it, more 'ugh, yes, i care about you, but this is about death'

in this dialogue path rook attemps to 'waylay' emmrich, aka, distract him and change the subject to something nicer, more comforting. though unfortnately, for people with crippling anxiety, nothing calms the mind when its in black and white mode.

eh, not what I would've gone with saying rook but ya know. eve before a battle, tensions high. still not great

emmrich wants to discuss being a burden to rook and rook is just not having it, im kinda into it.

again rook is trying to waylay emmrich into realising that he is overthinking things. however, to emmrich, this is real, rook may as well be dying in his arms rn. thats how real his fears are. we think back to emmrich being a child and losing his parents in a collapsed building accident. its likely he was there, and survived.

hence why it is so very important that we remember that his romance confirmation is the question, what would my parents want for me? and the answer is HAPPY WITH SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT YOU.

he is so terrfieid of death, and you and I both know, that when you have such a fear, it is amplified by 14747% when it is someone you truly care for. let alone the type of connection these soulmates have.

emmrich desperately pleading to talk about being a burden to rook, and rook is still just going, 'no', youre my burden now.

wee woo, a winner in my books because rook is not insulting his very existence or dismissing emmrich.

rook knows that emmrich is scared and would rather talk to him about being SCARED, instead of him being a burden because she fucking loves him and would never leave him.

rook is just as scared as emmrich but in this path, is trying to level with him. this is probably the one path where it concludes and I dont have a clear answer on who said the worst shit. i dont think any of them did, it was just riddled with concern, and a lack of communication.

Path 3 - Love scares you.

Rook pointing out the obvious. blunt and to the point. I do love that Rook is able to identify this straight away

Emmrich, taken aback by the comment by Rook, because it's the truth. he is scared because he loves rook. both by actually loving her and by how much he loves her.

"I can't... at my age" Is what this line is meant to be.

But once again, and we have discovered in previous posts, Emmrich has never considered himself 'worthy' of this type of love. And now that he has the love he has craved for decades, he considers himself too old. most likely due to his belief ssystem morphing over time to, "if it hasnt happened by now, it never will" probably in his 30's. Thats almost 20 years of doubt. We know Emmrich has been in relationships and involved with others since then, but nothing that even comes close to what Rook and Emmrich have. Keep in mind as well that Emmrich hasn't formed a connection with anyone in several years and has solely focused on work (i.e., lichdom) because what else do you do when you have given up?

straight to the point again

reiterating that this is a hard topic for him - kindness in this situation would desecalate emmrich and calm his mind, but unfortunately the end of the world takes no prisoners

man is terrified of love and the grief and vulnerability that embodies it

ouch

Rook's defensiveness and frustration reaches an all time high. rook wants the love of her life to tell her that he loves her, and emmrich doesn't want to burden his love with the grief that will embody her for the rest of her days. rook walks away feeling defeated, with a hole in her heart. emmrich is left with his overthinking thoughts, and most likely spirals.

Conclusion

In their facial expressions, and I have slowed them down to each frame per second whilst analysing, and both Emmrich and Rook share the same process of emotions after Rook's final statement.

Both Emmrich and Rook start out with a cross look on their face, eyebros tilted, eyes squinted, portraying anger, which is covering defensiveness, which is a defense mechanism for being vulnerable. After Rook says their final statement, this line is what 'pulls them out' of their defensive trances, but its too late, the damage has been done. Their facial expressions switch to a more, 'oh, oh that was just said', it turns to regret. the over arching theme of the game. they regret what they said, and their pride wont let them budge rn. the argument scene is important to the romance considering what happens next in the game.

"We'll talk when we get home, Emmrich. I promise." (the reconciliation line before fighting ghil)

hit me like a frieght train that did when i found out we were in the fade for weeks. emmrich, canonically, cries alone and has cold sweats at night when he is upset. do with that information what you will. it definitely happened when rook was gone. Hence why it takes Rook dissapearing in the fade for several weeks for their walls to collapse completely.

god fight, stuck in the fade, emmrich meticulously searching for rook, crafting the fake dagger, pulling them out.

At the end of the scene, Emmrich looks frustrated and devastated. the type of facial expression where it is clear he wish that conversation had gone differently.

Emmrich has low self-esteem, there is no simpler way to put it. This is apparent in the way he holds himself, in his mannerisms, and the way he reacts to rook expressing romantic interest in him. As two examples, consider the date with Emmrich, "apart from the compliment of your interest?", and in two flirt dialogue lines, he responds stating that he is surprised rook has shown interest in him. he wants this love SO BADLY, but he is so scared especially with how much death is around them. but emmrich is braver than he believes. it just takes, almost losing rook for him to embrace it.

phew, what a rollercoaster. ill have the mortal romance scene break down for you in coming days ♥

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theminecraftbee · 1 year ago

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Here is how to slowly, completely, and irrevocably fall into having someone know your soul as well as you do theirs:

First, be enemies, but of circumstance. Neither of you were really on opposite sides so much as connected to them. You think he loved them, though, that side that was only your enemy by virtue of not being your ally. He loved them, even if he didn't spend as much time with them. You mock him for this. For calling their leader 'king'. (Later, you'll hold onto mockery like it's all you have. You know it's not a game and you know he was really king, but without your ability to make fun of what's happening, you won't be much at all.)

You have a best friend then. This, too, is almost an accident, although to explain all the ways it's also on purpose will take longer than you have to explain. He's wonderful, and loyal, and going to die. So you die fast and young first, before him. You die in front of your friend. You die in front of him.

You don't regret it, the dying young, because it means you die before anyone else can die for you.

Second, watch your best friend fall in love with him, although that phrase feels both too pedestrian and too much like it's overstating the thing that really happens. You have your own drama for too long to really understand how it happens, of course. You're too busy facing a betrayal that will scrape the inside of your soul forever. (To tell the truth, you've already forgiven him for it, but there's something easy about being each other's enemies, so you keep going, orbiting around each other in betrayal betrayal betrayal. But that's someone else who knows your soul, another story.)

Then your best friend dies, as does nearly everyone else. You sit around a campfire with him. You tell him that your best friend trusts him; you'll trust him too. He stands by your side near the end, the two of you running together, another man's memories on your lips.

You're not sure what you regret, then, but you know there's something that won't undo that's a part of you now.

Third, learn the value of choices, as the universe tries its best to take yours from you. In this one, the people you're by the side of is at once familiar and strange. The finalists who'd protected you last time are now an ugly mix of your chosen soulmate and your enemy by making that choice; you attempt to hold on to your ability to choose even as blood makes it clear you can't. (The universe tried to pick someone who would fit you well, you realize later. More people who know your soul that this story isn't actually about. You care for him too, is the thing; you care for choosing more.)

You don't see him much, this time. You respect each other, though. It's hard not to respect each other after everything that's happened. Still, you don't see him, and he doesn't see you. Instead, you see the end of the game. You nearly hold it in your fingers.

You regret. You regret deeply. You are so tired of watching people die, you think, and you regret more than anything else that you couldn't stop it.

Fourth, become enemies, but this time intentionally. Enemies, maybe, is a strong word; you're assigned co-parents, except bad, divorced ones. There's something hysterical about the whole thing, in both the comedic sense of the word and in the original, more concerning sense, especially given the way you all have thought about your best friend-now-son in the past. (Family ties are a thing you'll come to value; it's just that what the names are don't count, really, not when you do this again and again and again. Plus, it's nice to be able to have an excuse to yell.)

It's almost fun again. Maybe it's almost fun. You trade barbs with each other, and try to kill each other, and this time the consequences are light enough that you try to help each other, too. You see each other a lot. You're enemies, of course, but you see each other a lot, as you are: scared, and tired, and not as frightening as you appear, and happy, despite it all.

You don't regret much. You die fast and young, alongside your allies. You see his face before you do though, and you think he's the one with regrets.

Fifth, trip over him as you run across the first session of a new game. You don't know yet what this one will be, if it will be betrayals, or more stolen choices, or family, or fun, or anything else, but you look him in the eyes and make a choice. You will be friends this time instead of enemies. And it's nice. He and you fit together oddly now, but well, despite the oddities. You've had time to learn to, from a distance, and then closer and closer. (People seem baffled you're friends now. You wish you could explain that that's how these stories go sometimes.)

You're pretty certain he'll leave you when the time comes. He says he's a runner, and not a protector, and yet, when the time comes to betray you, you both know he won't hurt you, and you're both surprised anyway.

"You might regret this," you tell him quietly. You both have scars.

"You might regret this," he agrees. But you also both have choices.

"Okay," you say. "Have you ever fallen in love?"

"Cleo," he says, brushing your hair aside, and he doesn't answer.

"I don't think I have," you say honestly. "I think it's something else. Have you ever accidentally given someone a piece of your soul?"

"All the time," he says, and that's that.

The end is coming soon. You'll find out if you regret it.

#secret life smp #secret life spoilers #zombiecleo #ethoslab #a bee fic #trafficshipping #<- YEAH OKAY THIS IS A LITTLE MORE BLATANT THAN I NORMALLY AM.#you can read this platonically if you WANT but. it's. yeah it needs the tag.#anyway etho and cleo are soulmates but they're soulmates who very slowly and almost accidentally slid into being it #who built their way up to soulmates over time #do you understand me.#...also it DOES strike me the irony of tagging shipping on the fic where the lead SPECIFICALLY SAYS she hasn't fallen in love but #YOU KNOW. ITS THE VIBES.

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thewulf · 8 months ago

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Never Let You Go || Aaron Hotchner

Summary: Request - Hiya! Can i request an angsty/fluffy aaron fic?Aaron and reader get into a fight because reader has been ignoring hotch since he forgot her birthday (its been a week after at that point) so he confronts her and they fight.... Read Rest Here

A/N: You guys have the best requests. Please keep sending them in. Hope you like a good little hurt/comfort.

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Female Reader

Word Count: 2.4k

TW: Yelling, intentional hurt

It was a rainy Saturday night when your heart broke for the hundredth time under the false promises from your longtime boyfriend, Aaron. You knew what you were getting into when you got into the relationship all those years ago. You knew he worked long hours. You knew he had a son who was his, and now your, priority. You knew he would have to cancel plans, dates, anniversaries. You knew it all. What you didn’t expect was him to forget about your birthday completely. He was home, at the BAU, and worked late instead of coming home and taking you out. You had plans! But he just… forgot.

It wasn’t until you brought it up the next day, mumbling it to him with a saddened look did he recognize he had forgotten. What broke your heart was the fact that he didn’t even make up for it. He didn’t get you flowers or a gift or even apologize. He just… moved on. And you had no idea how much it bothered you until that fateful Saturday night as the rain poured down. You were angry at him. You had accepted the misses and the cancelations. What you couldn’t get over was the fact that he had forgotten it completely and didn’t even want to make it right.

When you heard the lock twist and Aaron entered your shared residence all you wanted to do was run away from him. You didn’t want to talk to him. You didn’t even want to look at him. You weren’t sure if you even wanted to be with him anymore.

When he walked into the kitchen you turned away, busying yourself with unloading the dishwasher.

“Hey baby.” He walked over to you giving you a hug from behind. Aaron wasn’t remiss to the way you tensed under his touch. How you simply mumbled something incoherent to him. It was when you pushed him away did he finally realize something was off.

“Honey, what’s up?” He asked.

Was he playing dumb? Did he really not know just how deeply he had hurt you by ignoring something you loved so much? You knew it was silly, but birthdays were your thing. You were the friend who went all out for others. You just wanted someone to celebrate you the way you had to others, especially Aaron.

You felt tears pricking at the corner of your eyes as your brain got yourself worked up. Maybe it was best to just keep quiet because you had no idea if you could hold back the waterworks. So, instead of answering him you simply walked away. Your momma always taught you it was best to not get into an argument when you were feeling emotional about the situation.

But that seemed to set him off further. You had been cold to him all week. Not greeting him like you normally did. Not leaving out his dinner like you so often would when he worked late. Yet you just couldn’t seem to care. If he didn’t care for you why should you return the favor?

He couldn’t take it anymore. So, he snapped at you. "Are you ever going to talk to me?" Aaron's voice breaks the suffocating silence in the home, the frustration evident in his tone. You were thankful Jack was sleeping over at a friend’s house now. You knew the inevitable fight was bound to happen.

You sat down on the couch, but you didn’t dare turn to face him. "What's there to talk about?" Your voice is icy, the bitterness seeping through each word.

Aaron took a step closer to you, the distance between you feeling like an icy rift he wasn’t quite used to with you. "You know exactly what we need to talk about," he retorts, his patience wearing thin. "You've been ignoring me ever since—"

"Since you forgot my birthday?" You cut him off sharply, your voice laced with resentment. "Yeah, I remember. You’re a profiler. Profile it Aaron." Venom was laced in your voice as you finally made eye contact.

His jaw clenches at the reminder, guilt gnawing at his insides. He messed up, and he knows it. And he knew he had been ignoring it. Ignoring the subtle signs, you left him. He knew how important these things were to you. And he took the cowards route of simply trying to ignore it. He knew better than to do that with you. He had been taking advantage of your kindness thinking you would simply ignore it. But you were reaching your breaking point. And he was exhausted from work. He simply knew this wasn’t about to be a good conversation.

“Look, I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you.” He offered. But the effort felt hallow.

You shook your head blinking back the tears. “You’re just saying that because I’m angry! You had no intention of making it right Aaron!” You hardly ever raised your voice yet here you were, yelling at the man who looked overly tired. He rarely brought home his work with him, but it must’ve been something about his last case that had ravaged him.

He let out a rather obvious sigh of frustration, clearly exhausted. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

You bit back the harsh words you wanted to use. “I wanted you to remember! To apologize for forgetting. I want you to pretend like you give a single shit about me! You couldn’t even remember my birthday?” That was a low blow, and you knew it yet somehow you couldn’t care.

Things were bound to spiral when you saw the anger in his gaze. “I apologized! If you didn’t make such a big deal about something so small this wouldn’t even be a problem. I’m starting to see why I forgot.”

It felt like the wind was knocked out of you right then and there. Each word feeling like another dagger to your already broken heart. Physically, you recoiled as if he had hit you, your eyes were wide with disbelief. “I can’t believe you just said that.” You stood from the couch knowing you were going to run away from him. Your voice wavered just above a whisper as you spoke.

Regret washed over his face as he heard your floundering voice. He had taken it too far. Gone a step further than he needed. He crossed that invisible line that held the relationship together. “Baby… I didn’t mean it like that.” His eyes were wide as he reached for you. But you wouldn’t let him touch you, no. Not after those comments. “I’m just tired and frustrated and I just wanted to hold you tonight. I hate that we are fighting over something so stupid. But baby, I don’t know how to fix this. Tell me what I need to do.”

You shook your head rapidly frustrated beyond belief with him. “Something so stupid?” Your voice gave way to the weakness you felt in the moment, “My birthday is stupid now?”

Your words hung heavy in the air between the two of you. Aaron felt that lump form in his throat knowing he had used the wrong words yet again. It felt like he was being crushed over the weight of his mistakes now.

Before he can find the words to respond, you turn on your heel, your shoulders slumped with defeat. "I'm not so sure if there's anything left to fix," you say softly before walking away, leaving him standing alone in the wreckage of your shattered relationship in the living room of your home.

As he watches you disappear down the hallway, Aaron knows that he has lost more than just an argument. He has lost a piece of your heart, and he isn't sure if he will ever be able to win it back. But he is determined to try, no matter what it takes. Because you were worth fighting for, worth every moment of pain and heartache it would take to earn your forgiveness. And as he stood there alone in the empty room, Aaron vowed to do whatever it takes to make things right again. Even if it means confronting the darkest parts of himself and facing the harsh truth of his own shortcomings.

The silence in the house is deafening as Aaron stands outside the closed bedroom door, his heart heavy with regret. He can feel the weight of his mistakes coming own on him, each passing second only serving to deepen the ache in his chest. With a trembling hand, he reaches out and knocks softly on the door, the sound reverberating through the empty hallway. "Please," he whispers, his voice barely above a hoarse murmur. "Let me in."

There is no response from the other side, no indication that you have even heard him. But Aaron refuses to give up hope. He knows he has hurt you, but he can't bear the thought of losing you, not now, not ever. And you laid there in your bed, hurting beyond measure trying to ignore the man you loved more than life itself.

"Please, just talk to me," he pleads, his voice cracking with every emotion. "I know I screwed up, but I'm begging you, give me a chance to make it right. Please baby."

Still, there is nothing but silence from the other side of the door, and Aaron feels his heart sink even further. He presses his forehead against the cool wood, his chest constricted with the weight of his longing. You wanted to forgive him, to let him in. But you couldn’t, not yet. No matter how desperate he sounded.

"I can't do this without you," he pleads, his voice barely a whisper. "You mean everything to me, and I'll do whatever it takes to earn your forgiveness. Just... please, let me in." He tries once more to get you to crack. And it worked. You’d never heard him so desperate. His voice so raw with emotion.

For what felt like an eternity, there was no response, and Aaron feared that he had lost you for good. But just as he is about to give up hope, he hears the faint sound of movement from within the room, followed by the soft click of the door unlocking. As much as you wished you knew you couldn’t ice him out completely. You had both thrown unkind words at the other

His heart leaps with hope as the door cracks open, revealing your tear-streaked face, your eyes red and puffy from crying. Aaron's breath catches in his throat at the sight of you, his heart breaking at the pain he has caused. "I'm so sorry," he whispers, his voice choked with emotion. "I never meant to hurt you. Please, let me make it right."

You hesitate for a moment, uncertainty flickering in your eyes. But then, with a resigned sigh, you step aside, silently inviting him into the room. Without a second thought, Aaron crosses the room, pulling you into his arms with a fierce, desperate longing. He holds you close, his heart overflowing with gratitude as he vows to never hurt you like he had just done.

As Aaron holds you tightly against him, he feels the weight of your sorrow pressing against his chest. He can sense the tremors wracking your body, the silent sobs that wring tears from your eyes, and it tears at his soul with a sharp, agonizing ache. "I'm not supposed to be the one who makes you cry," he whispers, his voice thick with remorse. "I'm the one who's supposed to dry your eyes, to chase away your tears, not cause them."

His words hang heavy in the air between you, a painful reminder of the mistakes he had made. He had never wanted to hurt you, never imagined that his actions could bring you to such sadness. And yet, here you are, crumbling in his arms, your heart laid bare for him to see. "I'm so sorry baby," he whispers, pressing a tender kiss to the top of your head as you bury your face against his chest, your tears soaking through the thin fabric of his shirt. "I'll do whatever it takes to make things right, I promise."

But his assurances feel hollow, meaningless in the face of your pain. He knows that mere words are not enough to mend the wounds he has inflicted, that it will take more than empty promises to earn your forgiveness. For he had let you down so many times before. As Aaron holds you close, he knows that his actions will speak louder than any words he could offer. He will need to show you, day by day, that he is truly sorry, that he is committed to making amends and rebuilding the trust he has shattered.

He begins by being there for you in every way that he could possibly be, anticipating your needs before you even have to ask. He cooked your favorite meals, not because he wants to impress you, but because he wants to show you that he does in fact care about you. He knows you more than you knew yourself. He listens to you, really listens, to every word you speak, hanging on to your every thought and feeling, eager to understand the depths of your sadness caused by him.

He showers you with small gestures of affection, leaving little notes around the house, reminding you of his love and devotion. He holds your hand when you walk as a reassurance that he will always be by your side, no matter what.

But most importantly, he gives you space when you need it, allowing you the time and freedom to heal at your own pace. He doesn't push you to forgive him, doesn't demand your trust before you are ready. Instead, he remains patient, steadfast in his determination to prove himself worthy of your love once more. And as the days turn into weeks, and the weeks into months, Aaron watches with bated breath as the walls you had erected around your heart begin to crumble. He sees the flicker of hope in your eyes, the tentative smile that graces your lips more and more often. He sees you returning to the light he had let burn out.

And when you finally reach out to him with a certain uncertainty, Aaron knows that he has been given a second chance. A chance to rebuild what they had lost, stronger and more resilient than ever before. And so he takes your hand in his vowing to never let you go, to cherish you, to protect you, to love you with every fiber of his being. As you walk hand in hand into the future, Aaron knows that you have weathered the storm together. The two of you emerged on the other side, whole once more.

Aaron Hotchner/Criminal Minds: Permanent Taglist (If you'd like to be added to any or all works please fill out the form here: (Taglist Sign Up) @loving-and-dreaming @kmc1989 @memeorydotcom @matisse556 @buckylov3r @taygrls @ah-blossom @daily-evanstan @hardballoonlove @14buddy22 @rosiahills22 @djs8891 @mrs-ssa-hotch @panandinpain0 @viscade @kreepja @il0vebeingdelulu @hiireadstuff @kajjaka @guacam011y

Request Taglist: @spookyparadisesheep @nelliebug18 @fictionallifestuff

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hiitsm · 5 months ago

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A Reconciliation of Hearts

A Reconciliation of Hearts if for 18+ only.

Smut, Hurt, Toxic relationship, Toxic self thoughts

You were feeling anxious.

You were feeling sad.

You were just about to go to sleep.

Then, a message from Alexia lit up your phone screen.

Alexia, your ex-girlfriend.

Alexia, the one who insisted it was best if the two of you went your separate ways.

Alexia, who has a way of reappearing in your life.

And you, who always let her back in. You, who yearns so deeply for her comfort. So deeply for her touch. So deeply to be with her.

She asks if she can come over, and before you can even think, you've already typed out a quick "yes."

You really should consider things more carefully before responding.

You already know where this will lead.

Your ex-girlfriend likely attempted to find solace with someone new. Perhaps it didn't work out as she hoped, or maybe it did, but it wasn't fulfilling. Regardless, she's coming to see you now, likely with the intention of making you lose yourself in the passion and intensity of the night.

But if you are being completely honest with yourself, you know that lately, it hasn’t been about passion and intensity. It has been about rough and fast, something you don’t particularly enjoy.

Alexia should know that after the three years you spent together. She knew you like the back of her hand. But all of that changed when she ended things.

It stopped being a mutual experience and became all about her seeking her own gratification.

She couldn’t care less if you didn't reach that edge.

As long as she did.

As you heard the doorbell ring and opened the door, you couldn't help but notice your ex-girlfriend's demeanor. It was evident she had been with someone new but hadn’t found what she was looking for.

You could tell by the hungry look in her eyes.

You could tell by the tousled state of her hair that wasn't as neatly kept as it used to be.

You could tell by the way she practically pounced on you the moment you opened the door.

And you could tell by the slight bulge of her strap-on through her track pants.

Seeing that bulge shouldn’t stir you up as much as it does. Having Alexia here shouldn’t arouse you as intensely as it does.

This entire situation feels toxic, not just because of the way Alexia is treating you, but also because of how you're allowing yourself to be treated repeatedly.

Yet, resisting seems almost impossible.

Alexia is everything you desire.

Alexia is everything you crave.

Which is why you find yourself letting her use your body. You cherish the sound of her moans of pleasure, knowing deep down that you can satisfy her like no one else can.

It's bittersweet, though, because you wish that she would see you.

You wish that she would acknowledge your needs and not just come here seeking her own satisfaction.

But she broke up with you for a reason, so it's understandable that she might prioritize her own needs. Even though you're uncertain about the reasons behind her decision to end things, your own self-critical thoughts are taking over once more.

You find yourself in your bedroom without quite knowing how you got there, suddenly tossed onto your bed with Alexia hovering over you. A pang of anxiety starts creeping up, but you push it aside. It's Alexia, a familiar comfort.

Yet, your body tells a different story. Since the breakup, it's been fraught with anxiety, sending signals that this isn't healthy. To keep seeing her, to let her use your body like this.

It's tempting to ignore these needy signals from your body.

It’s easy to ignore it.

It's tempting to convince yourself that this is what you want, because it feels like the closest you'll ever be to your ex-girlfriend again.

Alexia helped you out of your clothes and discarded her own beside the bed. Your gaze settles on the strap-on she's wearing.

It's not unfamiliar to you. You and your ex-girlfriend used it many times before. This one is the larger one, a symbol of the exploration of different pleasures you shared. It was something intimate between the two of you, something special.

Seeing her wear it now, knowing she had it on with someone else before coming to you, stirs up emotions you've never quite experienced before.

You swallow those feelings deep down, determined to focus on pleasing her, despite the complexity of your emotions.

Alexia, misreading your emotions, maneuvers you onto your stomach, positioning you a bit off-kilter. She kisses your back with intensity. "Don't worry," she reassures you playfully, "I cleaned it before coming here," referring to the strap.

Instead of easing your mind, her words heighten your anxiety.

You had hoped that she would notice you, that she would start gently. Her kisses were softer this time, raising your hopes even higher. But soon, she was thrusting into you from behind with such intensity that you feared you might break.

You tried to find enjoyment in the moment, and some parts were pleasurable enough to make you moan into your pillow. This seemed to encourage Alexia to adopt an even rougher approach.

"Nobody lets me fuck them like you do," she groaned appreciatively. "Only you," she added softly.

If you hadn't been so anxious beforehand, you might have freaked out and hoped she wanted to reconcile, to end her search for pleasure with others who couldn't satisfy her. But those thoughts were fleeting because suddenly, you felt a sharp sting from where Alexia was thrusting into you.

It was an intense pain, unlike anything you had felt before in that area. It went beyond discomfort.

It was real, searing pain, and you couldn't continue like this. Finally, you made a decision. Before you could fully form the words in your mind, your hand instinctively reached back and grabbed Alexia's hand resting on your hip.

"Alexia, please stop! I'm in pain," your voice trembled slightly, betraying your distress. Alexia halted immediately. You couldn't see her reaction, but you could sense her shock in the sudden stillness that followed.

"I'm pulling out slowly, lo siento, lo siento mucho," Alexia repeats gently as she withdraws from you.

Despite her soft words and actions, you struggle to absorb this gentler side of Alexia. The side she always showed during your relationship. The pain persists, making it difficult to fully appreciate her concern. Moreover, embarrassment washes over you for the situation that unfolded.

As Alexia withdraws gently, she notices small drops of blood on her strap. For a moment, shock registers on her face before her attention returns to you.

She had always promised to take care of you, to be gentle no matter how rough things got between you.

Today, she feels she failed that promise.

Despite breaking up with you for what seemed like a trivial reason, she keeps returning to you. She misses you deeply. She cares about you profoundly. She realizes now that breaking up with you was one of the biggest mistakes of her life because you are everything she ever needs.

You are everything she ever wants.

She was lost in her own selfish thoughts, consumed by doubts that led her to prioritize her own pleasure over yours, and now she has hurt you.

As she snaps out of her reverie, she feels the bedsheets shifting.

You are moving away.

You are moving away from her.

She gently took hold of your arm. "Bebita, please let me take a look," she pleaded softly. "Lo siento mucho, this shouldn't have happened," she added desperately.

Her use of the nickname and her gentle approach overwhelmed you, contrasting sharply with her earlier demeanor. You felt conflicted, unsure which side of Alexia was truly with you in that moment.

"Please let me take care of you. I hurt you," she pleaded again, her voice filled with regret.

"You did hurt me, Alexia, a lot, and it's not just about this moment now," you tell her truthfully, tears welling up in your eyes.

"Lo siento, that's not what you deserve," she chokes out, resting her forehead against yours.

"I'm going to the bathroom. I need a little space for myself, but you can wait here until I get back if you want," you say, feeling uncertain but following what your heart tells you is right in this moment.

"I will wait for you," Alexia sniffles softly. Seeing her cry breaks your heart. You instinctively wipe away her tear with your thumb before walking to the bathroom and closing the door behind you.

You let yourself sink onto the cold bathroom tiles, your body trembling with anxiety.

The cold floor helps calm you down a little.

After a while, you begin to clean yourself up. The intense pain has subsided, leaving only a slight discomfort. You take your time and lose track of it, half-expecting Alexia to have left despite her promise to wait.

Suddenly, you hear her voice from the other side of the door, incredibly soft and tender. "Are you okay? Do you need any help?" Her words draw you closer to her once again.

You still love her.

You still love her so incredibly much.

You open the door and step out of the bathroom. Seeing that Alexia has changed into her clothes, you quickly do the same, pulling on a comfortable tracksuit and hoodie. Afterward, you take Alexia's hands in yours and press your forehead against hers.

"You broke up with me, Alexia," you say, your voice trembling slightly.

"You broke up with me, but you keep coming back." Holding her hands tightly, you don't want her or yourself to walk away.

"I keep wanting you because I'll never be able to get over you," you confess softly, a tear rolling down your cheek.

"But it's not okay for you to keep coming back. You broke up with me, yet you still give me hope that you'll return."

You're unsure if you've conveyed exactly what you wanted to say, but you tried your best to express your feelings.

"I keep coming back because breaking up with you was the stupidest thing I've ever done," she says, choking on her emotions.

"You are all that I want and need," she admits. "I thought I wasn't good for you, or for myself, with all those doubts in my head," she finally confesses, her forehead still pressed against yours.

"I hurt you by not talking about it. I hurt you by walking away, and I'm so sorry that I did," she says, her voice filled with regret.

"And just now, I hurt you again by thinking only about my own desires," she says, her tears flowing freely, her voice heavy with regret.

You stand there, feeling the weight of her sorrow, and pull her into your arms, hugging her tightly.

The two of you cry together, finding solace in each other's embrace.

''I want you back into my life if you let me. I want to stop hurting you. I want to be the partner that you deserve'' she admids and it makes your heart flutter but you also know that you should be realistic.

"I appreciate that, but before we go any further, we need to have some real conversations," you say, your heart breaking once again.

"You slept with someone else before coming here, Alexia. We need to discuss some things, and then maybe we can slowly rebuild what was lost." You know this is the only way forward, despite the pain it brings.

"I'm so sorry," is all she manages to say, her voice muffled against your shoulder.

"Can I stay? Please let me help you and take care of you?" she asks softly, locking eyes with you.

Despite everything, you know you can't resist her.

You can't say no.

Alexia is determined to ensure you won't hurt again, even though you know that it's impossible.

"Okay," you sigh softly, giving in to her earnest plea.

#woso x reader #woso #woso community #woso imagine #woso fanfics #woso one shot #woso smut #alexia putellas #alexia putellas x reader #alexia putellas smut #alexia putellas one shot #alexia putellas fanfic #alexia putellas imagine

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ivesambrose · 3 months ago

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PAC : September 2024 Mini Messages

1. 2. 3.

And we're almost in fall 🍁

To book a personal reading with me DM or email me at [email protected]

Services Offered

Reviews

Thanks for the tip ✨

Picture 1

You'll be feeling the urge to socialize or reconnect with friends and loved ones this month. Likely even connect with new people that inspire you and reignite a spark within you. It seems like as you're headed for autumn you begin to experience your personal spring. There's a lot in your mind and heart and it's been repressed there for quite some time now because you haven't found the right means to express them or the people to express them to but this: shall change. I see you wanting to maintain more balance and diplomacy in your life this month instead of extremes. In a way you've told yourself, "Hey I've done enough push and pull, let me allow things to fall in place." A lot of you might focus on regulating your nervous system, some of you might be starting therapy or just being more attentive about your mental health. Some of you might collaborate or work with others especially if you're an artist or creator of any kind. I also see a select few coming out of hiding and gaining the confidence to put themselves out there. This month will also end on a joyful note for you. You'll also be pursuing something your heart feels really called to. You'll also feel cherished and cared for, this could be from a special someone or your friends and family or the community you're proud of. You'll feel a lot less alone, you never really were.

Picture 2

Leaving all that heartache behind. Bit by bit. Holding your life by the reigns by finding the courage within. There's no need to wait for anyone to help you through this, just begin. I know certain anguishes weigh rather heavily but it doesn't have to be a permanent resident there. A lot of you are planning on moving away from a present location that hasn't been bringing you peace you'l likely end up executing it before this year ends. Sometime around this month itself you'll find yourself feeling emotionally renewed. Opportunities coming up that you had been praying for since long but you feel nervous taking up because emotional fulfillment somehow feels scary to you. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Take the plunge because it'll lead to you feeling proud and successful of yourself. I also see a peak in finances or you saving up enough to afford something that makes you really happy. If you have pets you'll be spending more time with them or even consider adopting one. You'll start finding joy in the things you used to years back. Hold onto this feeling. For some reason the song, 'Innocence' by Avril Lavigne came through for this pile as well. If you resonate deeply with music, then this song definitely has a message for you.

Picture 3

A mental breakthrough. I see you being assertive and maybe even cut throat with your goals. I also see a lot of you disciplining your mind to the maximum. Correcting any negative thought and assumption. You'll also find yourself emerging victorious no matter what situation you're facing. There's a specific turn of events and fate for you. Fall overall is a significant time for this pile. I see you embracing joy diligently, making new friends and connections and making plans with your loved ones. You have chosen to let your inner child experience everything they have been forced to let go of. Do not dim your own light this month. You were meant to shine. You were meant to stand out. Some of you might also have a significant secret admirer as well. They see you as the break of dawn after a dark and solemn night and want to pretty much make you feel the same it seems. You'll find yourself wanting to relax more and allow things to come to you. Stressing and forcing on the other hand might lead to discord and feeling burnt out. It seems as though you had been fearing the worst but there has been a pleasant change of plans for you. You will be starting a new chapter in your life, you'll be rather stubborn about it too, brainstorming quite a bit, might encounter a few conflicts here and there but nothing good team work can't solve. This will eventually lead you to the version of you that you have in mind.

#free readings #tarot community #divination community #pick a card #pac #pick a picture #September tarotscopes #September pick a card

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shaisuki · 9 months ago

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CAN'T TAKE MY EYES OFF YOU

YANDERE! MANAGER! ALEXIS NESS X IDOL! CHUBBY READER

content warnings ─── idol! reader, panty sniffing, masturbation (m!), implied murder, voyeurism, nonconsensual recording, deranged ness, dubious consent, nicknames (muse, princess), forced affection, threats, coercion, virgin reader, guilt tripping, oral (f! receiving, kidnapping, noncon.

notes. requested by @hillaryary

I was very happy to find your profile and stories :D your story is very good and I really like it!! I have to go to tumblr and re-read your stories every day :DD and can you write a yandere alexis ness x chubby reader, where the reader is a music idol and Ness is her manager?

ᝰ synopsis .ᐟ the industry's cold for someone like you, thanks for the entertainment gods you're blessed with your sweet manager, alexis ness or is he?

you are too good to be true.

the neon lights blending with his own magenta eyes following your plush body dancing to the rhythm of the song you recently released. although he can't hear the cheers of the people singing along to your music. he's deeply focused following your every movement. his ears straining the unwanted voices in the background. separating your voice to the crowd and alexis could forever watch and listen to you sing and dance.

if you would just let him take you away from this. you would only exist for him and you won't have to go far to impress these good for nothing who wants you. a product they can buy and throw away.

ness handled numerous artists and he's quite proud to say they were flourishing because of him and it would have continued if it wasn't for their greed. the fame inflating their egos that it bursted until they were no more than nothing but trash. you were humble despite the rapid fame you've gained since starting and ness is captivated by you. how you carried yourself and faced the challenges as an idol.

it's quite difficult since you started. of course, the audience wasn't really into the idea of someone of your stature. round and stout unlike the usual petite idols with the hourglass figures. the fans wanted the thin with the soft features but never the fat that it comes with it and you're nothing like that at all. proving your worth until you get that breakthrough that sealed your deal as the popular rising star in the industry. handled by the finest manager named alexis ness.

alexis is the sweetest and kindest of all the managers (only to you). never did he criticize for your body that was the main concerns of the producers and other concerns that relates to your stardom. he tended all of your needs and made sure you were properly taken care of. alexis just loves you.

and he's the worst. always daydreams about you and think how you've fallen for him. thinking you were just too shy about admitting it and ness likes the thought of it. he likes you too. no. scratch that, he loves you. thinking that your words of praise are your declaration of love for him and how those touches are you seducing him. to fall on his knees and begs for your love which he didn't need to be told twice. he's a delusional lovesick boy. nothing can stop him. not even the forbidden relationships between managers and their talents. alexis would defy it all for the name of his love to you.

the song ended with the cheers coming from the crowd. chanting your name and you ended the concert with thanks and the words of appreciation for supporting you. you're radiant as the sun under the spotlight. waving your hands to the crowd who wants you. threatening to destroy that clean image of yours and ness wouldn't allow such filth to happen to you.

he put a genuine smile while you put your microphone away. his smile was different from the others he shows. this one is only for you.

“alexis.” the call of his name instantly made his heart skip a beat. his lively eyes getting brighter. perking up more than the usual and made his dick hard. his hands itching to get a feel from your soft skin. “it was a another successful concert, thanks to you.” you approached him. grabbing his hand to clasp with yours and ness thinks he could explode in the moment but he kept his composure. after all, he's your manager. your hands is so soft and it perfectly fits in his.

“it is nothing. it is you should take the credit. keep up the good work, sweetheart.” patting your cheek and removing your earpiece. “shall i take you home?” his sight briefly looking at your back where the crowd is still chanting your name in a thunderous manner. you nodded. you were beyond tired and needed a much deserved rest.

after changing out of your outfit, ness escorted you out where his car awaits for you two. of course ness needs to be discreet considering how every corners of the place, a photographer or a simple bystander stands. wanting to get a photograph of you and spread it like a wildfire in the interest. a scandal would erupt if you both where alone and in his car but ness is known as the manager who kept things professional and strictly business as things were. they can't use it against him nor to you as a new headline of fucking tabloid. it's only him and his talent. a good manager who takes good care of his star.

when you got home, you sighed in relief. you needed a bath after that concert and you need to prepare for the next upcoming days for press conferences, meet and greets and guesting for tv shows. no words are said as you instantly hopped in the shower. leaving your manager alone in his own devices in your apartment. it was fine though. you trusted alexis since you started in the entertainment industry and he was nothing but kind to you or is he?

when he hears the water run in the shower. ness knows exactly what he had to do. he follows you in your bathroom. the silhouette of your plush figure lays in front of him and ness was tempted to join you. lick the water running down to your soft body while your fingers comb through his hair. kiss him passionately. tell him how much you love him and he almost did it but for now he's going to relieve himself with your panties. digging it through under your clothes in the hamper and jackpot! he found it.

your cute, frilly panties. you always it wore it when doing public events. your lucky panties, he presumes. it's damp and ness almost salivates at the scent. sniffing the undergarment and fishing his hardened cock in his pants.

ness trembles. the excitement of being caught while sniffing your panties. he think he could cum in the spot but he tortures himself not to cum immediately. his eyes fixated in the shower door. he can see you rubbing your body in an almost sensual manner. his grip on his cock tightens. moving it back and forth. thrusting it in his fist. rubbing it continuously and the moment you turned off the shower, he cums in his fist. the sensation of cumming sending tingles down to his spine. sparks after sparks of endorphins being released in his brain and ness cleans himself before walking away from your bathroom. your panties in his pocket and ness pretends to be resting in your couch.

fresh out of the shower, you told ness that you would be turning for the night and he just gives you a smile. he will leave after you fall asleep making sure his sweet, pretty princess would be safe.

he waited for a good hour. not minding the night being this late. he slowly tiptoes in your bedroom and ness slowly sinks to the soft mattress of your bed. placing your plushies besides you. ones that was given by your fans and that big plum colored teddy bear that is displayed at the foot of your bed. it's round, black eyes is planted with camera that he crafted to keep track of you and you look really adorable even when you sleep. ness can't even think for a memory that you look absolutely a mess. you were really pretty in his eyes. your face devoid of any make-up and he can see the natural state of your face and ness could just worship you if you'll allow him and even if you don't.

you really trust him. you don't even suspect him of doing the nastiest thing he can do. he would kill for you. done it many times so he could protect you.

love me! his thought scream at him. he slowly crawls to you. lurching forward like a predator stalking his prey. his body caging your own. you don't even shift in your sleep. you're gullible. your own manager is above you. watching you through in his eyes filled with adoration with a lovesick face.

love me! love me! love me! love me! love me!love me! love me! love me! love me! love me!love me! love me! love me! love me! love me!love me! love me! love me! love me! love me!love me! love me! love me! love me! love me!love me! love me! love me! love me! love me!

the only words running in his mind while he buries his face in the crook of your neck. let your warmth seeps and touch his very soul while his clothed cock is pressed to your creamy thighs. he moans a little when his cock brushed against your crotch. the thin barrier of your thin pajama bottoms is nothing. he hopes you'll wake up. he hopes you don't.

would you scream? push him away? or pull him closer to you. let his hands wander throughout the expanse of your body while you grind to him. show him that pretty pussy of yours dripping. telling him how much you wanted him inside of you and ness groans.

he should stop before you can find out what your manager had been doing to you. he removes himself from you. “sweet dreams, princess.” he mutters. running his fingers to the roundness of your cheek and kissing your forehead before reluctantly saying goodbye to you. he leaves your apartment silently. making sure it was locked and his phone syncs with the camera he hid in your teddy bear. he looks back one last time before he goes home.

make up? check. your earpiece working? check. do you look cute in this outfit? check. you did a little twirl in your dressing room. posing and practicing the hundred of facial expressions you memorized for this concert of yours. you were ready.

a knock interrupted your little train of thoughts and it revealed your cute manager ness with his ever so cute smile and those kind eyes of his.

“you ready for you big day, my muse?” he asks, checking up on his favorite idol. the cutest of them all. he was rewarded by your beaming smile. you were literally bouncing. after all. this had been set for months and your manager decided that it was time for your grand performance in of the biggest stadiums in the country. ness, a magician manager like him had worked to pull the strings to get his muse, her grandest spotlight.

as much as you deserved it, such acts must be rewarded, right? nothing comes free at all and ness always wanted you. it wouldn't be so bad if he would ask for it. he did everything just to make you shine even as far eliminating threats who wants to strip you out of your fame. those ugly bastards who wants your body for a sliver of connections they had. you're lucky to be in the industry considering you were too big to be an idol they say but ness was having none of it. it's your talent that got you here and him. he was made for your talent and you were made for him.

“thank you, alexis. i really am. without you i would be still in competitions with the others.” you thanked him tearfully. he can see you were sincere at your actions and that made ness heart skip beats before thumping in full force that it's enough for him to be sent into a heart attack but it's far from it. his cute, darling idol. he thought. his eyes raking the sight of your body from head to toe. your so delicious curves and soft features in front of him are made to be touched.

“ah, my darling muse.” ness approaches you. holding your shoulders. as much physical contact between managers and their talents are prohibited, ness was an exception. he never gave you any reason to be wary of and only acted like a friend would do. “don't get teary at me. it's your big day. we wouldn't want your beautiful face to be in a mess, right?” he coos at you affectionately. catching a teardrop in your lash line before it drops in your round cheek.

he's so close to you. your adorable face in front of him and he can smell the scent you naturally emits and he's about to burst. purple eyes looking at your own (e/c) eyes and he's about to be trapped. your lips tremble at the slightest of emotion and he's tempted to kiss you.

his sight going back and forth to your eyes and to your lips. his hold on you tightens and slowly, maybe it was the tension and how badly he wants you, he'd done it.

he presses his lips to yours and ness always wanted it and it's happening now. it's soft and gentle like a first kiss. it was your first kiss and he stole it. ness knows it was your first. he runs down a whole background check on you if he was to be your manager and it was just cherry on top that you were untouched and pure for him. ness had done everything at his power to keep you that way. it was for his own gain to have you.

there was no reaction when he kisses you. it must be shocking. your own manager kissing you out of the blue. it was the least you expected. he was just a manager to you.

you were still processing about it. no doubt and when ness broke the kiss. you were stunned. looking at him wide eyes and he took it as another opportunity to kiss you again. how long he waited for this. your soft lips against his. your soft skin under his fingertips. he let out a low moan. relishing in the sensation of your body pressed against him.

“alexis...” you softly mutter his name under your breath. he was biting your lower lip when you pull away from him and stares at you. pupils blown with lust and cheeks red. he looks like a lovesick school boy. “what?” he doesn't let you go in his grasp. you shake your head. “it's wrong.” he knows it. it's wrong to have a physical relationship nor a romantic relationship to your idol but managers had done it for a long time. it's a reward for their hard work and ness was hurt from how your face contorts into one of disappointment. your once adoring face that was directed to him is now replaced with anxiousness. looking at him in disbelief and is that the look of betrayal?

“it's not wrong when it's only the two of us. don't you love me?” ness voice trembles and it was similar to grade schooler that was being reprimanded of a deed they can't control. you don't know how to make the words you needed to say. you do love alexis. he's the one who helped you build this fame and even it was his job as your manager, you owe all of this to him. despite all of that, you can't risk a scandal between you two. one rumor and it could destroy all the hard work. you simply can't everything on the line.

“i do love you, alexis....” ness perks up from what you've said. you hesitated to utter the next words “you're my manager. my confidant in everything. the person that i trust in this industry but i can't return your feelings. i'm sorry.” your excitement dying down from the revelation of his feelings to you. better let that out than to let his feelings spiral out of control but you were wrong it only fuels his desire to want you more.

clasping his hands and ness thinks he could cry. it was a rejection but he just couldn't accept it. you love him. you've said it but why? were you afraid of crossing a line? idols like you aren't allowed to date but it's fine if it's with him. a secret until you retire and you can love him in the light as in the dark. he couldn't take this rejection. he needed to convince you that it was fine. no one will know.

“we can keep it a secret. just you and me. no one will find out about it. managers had dated their idols without knowing. we can be like that!” ness frantically explains to you.

“for them! alexis, you and i is not the same. i love you but not in a romantic way. platonically, yes. you're the only person i trust here, alexis.” you reason out to him, half-explaining, half-raising your voice at him. trying to reach out. change his mind that you can't love him the way he loves you.

your manager wasn't quick to give up though.

“no! you love me. you're afraid! i swear i'll be good. i'll work harder!” beginning to lose his sense of respect to himself and to you. he's beginning to spout nonsense and you shush him before he breaks down in front of you.

“alexis! stop! stop! you don't need to do anything, okay?” you hold him down by his shoulders. cupping his cheeks and meet his eyes that is already brimming with tears. “you don't need to do anything of that. we can still be... — friends. nothing will change after this. just please, promise me you won't do anything drastic.” you almost practically beg at him and hope he will take this seriously.

“i'll do it but only if you will let me do this.” you weren't able to compose reply before his lips is into yours again. “alexis!” you pushed him but he's back in to you again. “just this once and it will be done.”

you searched if it was real in his eyes and you found no malice in those eyes of purple. still like a gem in the ground and there's a little bit of sparkle in them.

it's only a kiss he asked for but could you trust him? what if someone found out or a hidden camera is recording this whole ordeal. you shake the dark array of thoughts lining in your brain. reaching to a conclusion that you won't regret this.

“you promise?” you asked, a little wary about it.

“i promise.” he smiles and he was about to do the thing you're about to regret. too gullible that he would be satisfied with kissing you.

then the kiss came. lips pressed against yours. gentle it was like him and when you think it was done. you were proven wrong when his hold on you started to get tight. holding the back of your head to further deepen the kiss. swiping your bottom lip with his tongue. you gasped at the sensation. forcing you to open your mouth and ness took the opportunity to shove his tongue to yours.

it was brutal and the sudden intrusion of his tongue in your mouth felt weird. is this what being kissed feels like? you try not to focus but judging from ness, he was adamant of kissing you like this.

the fluttering heat of the sensation of kissing you begins to settle in the pit of his stomach. oblivious to the pain he was beginning to inflict in your skin. all he can focus is the taste of your mouth in his. the strawberry flavored scented lip gloss in your lips coating his taste buds and the softness of body engulfs him. wrapped in the heavenly sensation of being this close to you. ness didn't want this to end.

you body starts to cave in with his ministrations and ness carefully assists you to place your body in your vanity table. your back pressed in the mirror. he breaks the kiss. letting you to catch your breath before he's in yours again. a couple of kisses he left in your lips and then to your cheek and jaw until he's nuzzling in your neck. sucking marks until a hickey blooms from it.

“alexis. you promise it will be done and the concert's starting.” reminding him of his promise. ness who's already hooked to you kept kissing your exposed skin. “there's still thirty minutes left until showtime and you're a little tense.” ness ignores the earlier ordeal. too bad. he won't be satisfied with only a kiss. he needed to taste you. “you won't mind if i help you loosen up a bit. won't you?” alexis suggested. he didn't leave a room for you to respond. standing in front of you. resting his forehead against yours. patting your cheek gently.

“you're particularly tense in this spot, princess.” alexis mused followed by a gasp coming from you when he rubs his finger to your slit. “alexis! no—....” he interrupted you with a kiss. your legs jerking in response along with your upper half. coiling away from him as you move backwards. hitting the mirror and knocking a vase.

his finger repeatedly going back and forth. grazing the surface of your panties until he can feel the dampness of it. “you're still tense.” he murmurs. going back again to kiss you and slotting himself between your legs. his hands creeping up and sliding it under your ass. holding it firmly before grinding his bulge to yours. “ahh~” alexis moans. feeling the warmth of your pussy and the contact of his bulge to yours sending tingles in his spine.

you were helpless against him. you think your body is made of jelly from how his touch leave you to be this weak. “alexis!” you cry out to him. a call for him to stop but your manager didn't take it seriously.

“i told you, princess. i'm helping you to relax. it's a big day for both of us. don't worry it will only take a minute.” what a liar. this is not a way for you to decompress. not with such stakes are in the line.

you think that this industry would be a godsend to you since you're under the care of alexis ness but it's a nightmare. you think of all the idols that had to endure this.

you're wrong. alexis had never touched nor took advantage of the previous idols who was under him. you're lucky. you took his breathe away and was always good for him. it's only the way he can show how much he adores you.

“alexis....” you don't understand why you were suddenly experiencing the feeling of being helpless under him. how his touch disarms you that you're letting him do this. were you truly this dependent to him? you feel him under you. pushing back the tulle of your skirt until it bunches in your waist. still careful not to crinkle the fabric.

his smooth hands glides through the expanse of your thighs. massaging the doughy flesh and letting his fingers sink over the softness of it. “relax for me, princess.” alexis assures you. a brief peck of his lips to yours. not breaking eye contact with you until he started to kneel. leveling with your crotch and he leans in closer.

“princess.” he calls you. peppering the insides of your thighs with kisses. he takes a deep breath. his nose pressed in your slit. inhaling the scent of your cunt he'd been dreaming to get a taste of it. wished he could stay in this forever before he smothered his face in your cunt. “a-alexis!” you inhale sharply at the sudden contact of his tongue to your aching cunt.

your back arches at the sensation of his tongue constantly flicking against the smooth surface of your pussy lips. your fingers finding his hair. unconsciously tugging his hair while your hips grinds in rhythm with his tongue.

“a-ahh...” alexis hears you moan and he couldn't explain the happiness that is bursting inside of him plus the throbbing of his hardened cock. he must contain himself. he thought. it could wait. for now, he must remember the taste of you. he's the reason you're feeling this good and this send alexis to eat you out to his heart's desire.

he greedily laps at your cunt. letting out a noise of contentment while he eagerly catches the slick that your sweet cunt is releasing. he doesn't mind when you're pulling his hair a little roughly. he's glad that you're enjoying this as much as he is. he hears you breath. moan at every move of his tongue. rolling your hips against his face. his fingers digging at your thighs. his idol. his muse. trembling at his very touch.

he knows you're close. from the way you're suppressing the sound of your sinful moans and your thick thighs closing around his head. he needs more. he needs to taste you more. his lips wraps around your clit and that sends a violent jerk of your hips upwards and more slick to drip out of you. ness abandoned your clit. his tongue wiggling inside your dripping hole and sucking the thin, clear liquid out of your cunt. he just can't get enough of this. small vibrations coming from his mouth showing how much he loves the taste of you.

“a-alexis, i—'m close...” you mewl. the tight and the tingly feeling inside you growing and it won't be long before you reach your peak. the man below you hums. worsening the situation you're in. he happily laps your heat.

you taste so divine and he's about to bestow you the most mind-numbing orgasm and so he pours all his experience in your cunt. adding his touch while he rubs soft circles in your thighs and alexis moans when your thighs presses together. encasing his head. he hears you chanting his name like a prayer. asking to let you cum and it's a privilege to make his idol cum.

you close your eyes. the sensation of his tongue flicking and gliding to your folds is too much. you don't know if you'll last this long. this is what it feels to be taken care of. physically. it felt so good. you want more. forgetting that this is taboo between you and ness but...

it was set aside when you tumbled over the edge. the tight, hot coil snapping inside you and your toes curling. body taut until you were boneless against the mirror. sliding in a slow motion. ness laps up the remnants of your post bliss. mouth drenched in your sweet essence that will linger in him for the next days and when you relaxed.

“i think you're ready now.” he innocently smiled to you. helping you fix your dress for today's performance and gently dabbing your face with a tissue to clear the smudges in your make up. “alexis. i hope you'll keep your promise.” you say to him. hearing the crowd in your dressing room and alexis nods. satisfied for now. “as you wish, princess.” then a knock was heard. the stage manager telling you that it's almost time and you were escorted in the back stage. your manager trailing behind you.

what happened between you two is something you regret and not proud of.

alexis was concerned how you were frowning the whole time. his eyes fixated to you and only you. the stage manager begins to count the numbers until it was showtime. your face beaming up in a rapid manner. gripping the microphone before taking a deep breath and it was showtime.

he watched you dance and sing. interact with the fans and blowing them kisses and ness was jealous of it. he knows it's only a ploy to make your fans love you but he wishes it was directed to him. he's a manager. he encouraged you to do it in the first place on how to make your supporters love you and expand your fanbase. the apple of their eye and to him. his darling muse.

dark, muddied thoughts begins to stain his already messed up brain. if only you would look at him the same and thus, he got fed up with this life. hiding and trying to make his creations be pleasing to everyone's eye. if you're going to end up like them, he better cut your wings off.

and that's what he did.

“my muse.” he said with a soft smile. his voice filled with adoration. the nickname stuck to you. always had been. you were his masterpiece. “i never thought i would be this addicted to you.” pale purple eyes staring right at you. never breaking eye contact just to prove his devotion to you. “let me have the pleasure of being your first.” he means it. pressing a chaste kiss to your lips.

your mind is alive but your body couldn't move. it was like it was made of of lead. you feel him everywhere. you didn't know you would be in this situation. is this still your sweet manager alexis who can fought tooth and nail just to defend you? who nurtured you and encourages to be yourself despite the rough upbringing of the entertainment industry. did he that all and only he would take that all away from you for him to do worst. the answer was clear to you.

a tear slip out from your eye. you feel your innocence and purity along with your dignity slowly fades when his cock strips you out of it. his breath in your face. his lips singing of praises. his muse. he chants it repeatedly while he moves. his eyes on you all the time. watching the change on your face. you should have run when alexis first showed you kindness and now it's too late. he keeps you in this place where you are only for his eyes to see.

#♱ ⋮ shai's works⸝⸝#chubby reader #blue lock x reader #blue lock smut #blue lock x chubby reader #alexis ness #alexis x chubby reader #alexis ness x reader #alexis x reader #yandere x reader #yandere themes #yandere x chubby reader

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phas3d · 10 months ago

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You Kill Someone || Slytherin Boys

type :: angst, comfort?

tw/cw :: murder

contains :: draco malfoy, tom riddle, mattheo riddle, theodore note, lorenzo berkshire

summary :: they find out that you've killed someone on accident in the past and you deeply regret it - heavy inspo from "Deadly Class" aka the show Mattheo is in and omg Marcus and Mattheo are SOOO different but whatever - 🐍 :: masterlist!

DRACO MALFOY

You would have told him on your own accord, but he could tell you were hiding something

Went through your stuff and pieced together all of the evidence

He even found out the time, date, and weapon from the murder

When he confronts you about, he's shouting at you about how you broke his trust by not telling him

You tell him how you wanted to tell him, but wasn't able to due to fear

After all, you're the only student in your entire school who has a kill count

He'll be scared of you, which was weird to you at first since he's seen death before from his father and mother coming home bloody at times

But it was awful to him, because you were his safe space but even YOU killed someone

Takes him a while to come around to you, he's really distressed over it

You make an effort to show you still care for him and that you never once lied to him, you simply just hid a secret

The best way to win him back is to be completely honest about your kill and reassure him that you're not that kind of person anymore

TOM RIDDLE

He already knew before you started dating

Because there's no way that Tom DOESN'T research the shit out of his crush and future lover

When you open up to him about your murder, he doesn't seem phased at all

If anything, he's proud and your murder is what drove him further into liking you

Because you hid your kill so well and blended perfectly into the crowd

Although you deeply regret your kill, Tom sees this as a temporary fear

He plans to make you a weapon for him, someone who can kill alongside him and not be a damsel in distress

He'll assure you that your kill was justified, and try to get you used to killing

He reminds you constantly that your past doesn't make him love you any less, it makes him love you more

Definitely does some manipulating to get you to kill something else, like animals, so you can start to go down the same path as him

Pretends to comfort you and coddle you when you're distraught about your kill

But he's going to manipulate your wand and make you kill another animal to get you used to it

MATTHEO RIDDLE

Growing up as the son of Voldemort has obviously led him to see a lot of shit as a child

He's used to death, he's met thousands of killers, and he's even killed a few people

Of course he regretted it, but his father trained him better and he learned to move on from those deaths and become a normal kid

He does his best to get away from death eaters and escape that old lifestyle

He wants to shield you and your future from it at all costs, not wanting his children to go through the same trauma and pain

But when you confess that you killed someone before, he's in pain

He feels deep regret since he couldn't protect you from killing and even more pain from that fact that you hid it for so long

He forgives you much sooner than anyone else on the list, but he just needs help from the trauma you just unpacked for him

Your relationship goes back to normal within a month or two, and he's able to feel even closer to you since this all led to him opening up a lot more about his past and how he was raised

He comforts you a lot about your murder since he knows how hard it can be to carry all of that on your shoulders

Makes sure to distracts you often and defend you against your inner thoughts

THEODORE NOTT

His father was a death-eater, a good one too, so he was used to his father coming home bragging about this kills

But he saw how much this upset his mother, and being a mommy's boy, he sided with his mother and asked his father to stop killing people

When you confess that you've killed someone, he's in denial and thinks you're just making some fucked up joke

But you keep saying you have, and he knows you're not joking anymore

He needs to sit down and take a deep breathe, because no way you did that

He was scared at first that you would be proud of this kill, but when you start venting about how guilty you feel, he's happy that you still have a soul

He'll comfort you and reassure you, hugging you tight and combing your hair with his fingers

Surprisingly, he's the only one that's not super scared of you as he understands you and has extreme trust in you

The only thing he's scared of is you possibly being caught and getting sent to jail

He remind you constantly that he's forever on your side and that no matter what, he'll take the blame

If the police ever come back and question you, he's defending you with his life

LORENZO BERKSHIRE

Fucking mortified, scared, shitting his pants, a major pussy when you confess this to him

He grew up with Draco's family, but even back then he was terrified when they would admit to their killings and awful deeds

He's rapid firing questions to you, like who did you kill? why did you kill? do you regret it? did you say sorry to the family?

When you answer all of those, he feels awful and an extreme amount of guilt

Although he's a Slytherin and used people, even murder is far beyond his imagination

You say that you feel awfully guilty but you've never been able to face the family of the guy you killed due to fear of how they would react

Lorenzo helps you to get inner peace, he brings you to the guy's grave at night and the two of you decorate him in flowers, leaving a small card for the family to find when they visit him again

Whenever you get flashbacks or guilt, he's always there to comfort you

Very accepting of you and continues your relationship like normal

If he ever got questioned about your murder, he would play innocent and act dumb to protect you

thank you for the support ! 🐍 :: masterlist!

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mywons · 1 year ago

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៹ bf!enha when you're too friendly with another member.

▸ ִֶָ tags est. enha x reader, humor + fluff + kissing + teasing. warnings! && mentions of possessiveness, jealousy. ✿ 0.5k words —

## HEADCANONS UNDER THE CUT !

lee heeseung !

he's not really a very jealous/possessive person

you learn this early on in your relationship, too. he's never been like that, heeseung trusts you a lot

but all you've ever encountered before this situation was a few stupid guys at a restaurant or park asking for your number

if it's someone closer to him,, he's not the happiest

he sees you laying on riki's shoulder after a long day, and it doesn't really upset him. it's just—you're his

you're too sleepy to really notice how he sits besides you and moves your head to his shoulder instead

riki doesn't say anything, but definitely teases him about it later on and you're just like ???? when'd this happen

heeseung cares for you deeply but he also trusts you, so it's rare for him to ever get extremely jealous

park jongseong !

he doesn't care. like actually

he could not care less—unless it happens more than once

then, he's definitely a little upset about it

you're dating him, there's no need to seek so much attention from any of his members when you have him

all in all tho, he won't really get mad unless it's something serious

sim jaeyun !

pouty

just frowns when he sees your arm linked with sunoo's

probably won't actually say anything about it, but you'll notice his mood is a little off

"what's wrong?" "why didn't you hold my arm instead??? :("

he's not like a toxic possessive or anything, it's more like he needs to know that he's all you need/want, and if he feels otherwise it upsets him

just give him reassurance and he's all smiles again

park sunghoon !

flat-out jealous. "what are you doing?"

sunghoon is very reserved, and you're one of the only people he opens up to

he feels a sort of protectiveness because of it. he needs you, and he hopes you need him just as much

so he'll either voice his distaste for your affection w another member, or literally just take you away from them. he has absolutely no problem with walking up to you, grabbing your hand, and leading you away

you tease him and he pretends to hate it but really he can't help but be happy you're close to him instead of anyone else

kim sunoo !

he's too cute to resist tbh

the only way you'd ever seek out another member's affection would be if he went out for a little bit, going to the store for you or wtv

if he comes back and you're still clinging to heeseung, he's so sassy

"sorry, did he become your boyfriend while i was away???"

fr tho, he isn't mad but he'll definitely act like he is so that you'll cling to him instead

only forgives you once you've peppered his face with kisses

yang jungwon !

i honestly think jungwon wouldn't really even acknowledge it?

like yeah, he sees your head in sunghoon's lap

but . . . it doesn't really register?

as the leader, he's close to all of the members and he trusts them a lot. he trusts you just as much

he's the type to join you and lay besides sunghoon's other side

he's just chill ab it honestly

nishimura riki !

he's not the best at hiding his emotions. riki's facial expressions literally cannot be missed

so even if he doesn't say anything, the disgusted glance he shoots you & jake as he lends you one of his hoodies is painfully obvious

he wouldn't describe himself as possessive, but you know the truth

probably won't touch you until you take a shower because—"ew, you smell like jake"

#enhypen #kim sunoo #park jongseong #park sunghoon #yang jungwon #nishimura riki #lee heeseung #sim jaeyun #enhypen x reader #enhypen fanfiction #sunghoon x reader #heeseung x reader #jungwon x reader #jake x reader #jay x reader #sunoo x reader #niki x reader #🫀 ky's works

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five-bi-five-mind · 9 months ago

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Instead

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: Jennifer Jareau x fem!reader

Genre: Angst-ish, Hurt & Comfort, Smut

Words: 9.4k+

Summary: JJ had been in love with you from the very moment she met you. The only problem is, you've been with someone else this whole time. Not only that, but he treats you like shit and you keep running back to him. Is there more to it than she knows or do you truly love him the way she wished you loved her?

Warnings: Mentions of stalking, cheating, and unhealthy relationships. Smut, fingering (r receiving), marking (r receiving), top!JJ, bottom!r, smut with a lot of feelings okay

A/N: I was really into this concept and then I really wasn't... but it's finished and now I can move on to other fics. Hope y'all enjoy it though!

(gif not mine, credit to greencways)

This happened way too often, but JJ was there every single time. She knew the signs, knew what was going on. You didn’t have to say a word and she would immediately understand what was going on with you. It was the look in your eyes, even when you smiled. Those eyes always said the opposite of whatever you tried to tell her. Or even what you tried to tell yourself.

He was always bad for you, from the moment JJ met him, she knew he wasn’t ever going to be what you deserved. And, boy, was she completely right. She lost count of the amount of times she would catch you bawling your eyes out over something stupid he said or did. You’d often try to appear unbothered, but the minute she would approach you and ask if you were okay, you’d utterly fall apart. And every single time, she would open her arms for you to fall into. She would stroke your hair and wipe your tears and tell you all about how he’s not good enough for you and that you deserve someone who would never treat you nearly as bad as he did. There was always the silent sentence she never said, though. The one that ends with something along the lines of someone like me or I would never treat you that way. But she always held her tongue, feeling selfish everytime she was tempted to say it.

Without fail, whenever there was a fight, your horrible boyfriend would come back with some excuse, some way of apologizing, and you’d rip yourself from her arms and fall right back into his. Not that you even knew that JJ wanted you to stay in her arms, but it still hurt like hell every single time. She tried to tell herself for a while that it hurt so much because she knew he would hurt you so much. You were her closest friend, so of course it was just that she cared deeply for you like a friend should. Right? That lie only lasted so long. A year went by and she was stuck with this horrible crushing feeling in her chest. Finally, JJ couldn’t deny it at all anymore. It was incredibly obvious to everyone except for you, it seemed, that she was completely in love with you.

So then she went through these phases each time you took him back. It would start with the painful feeling of rejection, even if you were completely unaware that you were rejecting her. Then she would get angry. Go, be in love, JJ would think, I don’t care. But that was a complete lie, because she would remember all the times you’d smile at her. Really smile. A smile she swore you’d never give that man. She saw the two of you together, she saw the forced smile you gave him in the rare moments he’d hold your hand, kiss your cheek, and be a semi-decent partner. It’s what confused her the most about this situation. It also, unfortunately, gave her this false sense of hope that maybe you didn’t feel the way you said you felt.

But then again, why did you fall apart every time he left? Why did you run back into his arms every time he came back? JJ found herself laying awake in bed at night way too often, just mulling over these questions for hours. She didn’t get her answer, but this time… This time was the last straw.

She knew what was going on within seconds of seeing your face. It was the way your eyes were just slightly puffy and how you’d let out a small sigh before throwing on a forced smile. To your credit, you were really good at selling that smile, but JJ just knew. You walked around the office, your eyes never really focusing on any one thing. Your mind was obviously elsewhere than whatever task was at hand. The team didn’t seem to pay much mind, too busy closing up a case, while you did your own duties alone in your little corner of the BAU. JJ knew exactly what all of this meant and she felt herself get angry this time. It was a new feeling for her; a break in the routine. She usually was just concerned for you and angry at him, but this time it was just the whole situation.

So, when she got you alone in her office, the back and forth was a little different. It started out the same, though. You did that avoidance thing. The thing where you gave her a pained smile and swore up and down you were fine, while she pursed her lips and crossed her arms. JJ wasn’t buying it at all. She never did.

“Really,” you sighed, “I don’t want to get into it.”

“Of course you don’t.” JJ rolled her eyes and your own widened. She had never been even remotely snappy with you. “Because it's probably the same shit it always is. God,” she scoffed, “Why do you let him jerk you around like this?”

You stood there, your eyes filled with disbelief, and you both just stared. If JJ were being honest, she wasn’t proud of that. She was a little shocked all of it came out of her mouth and even more shocked at how harsh her tone was.

“You don’t get it.” Your tone wasn’t exactly harsh like JJ’s, but she could tell she struck a nerve.

“What’s there to get?” JJ threw her hands up, obviously letting her frustration boil over. She got this far, might as well keep pushing. Did JJ think it was a good idea? No, maybe not, but she wanted you to finally get a grip on the reality of this relationship. It was clearly not good for you. “He’s not reliable. He doesn't consider your feelings. He clearly hurts you every single time he goes off and fucks up. And god, he has fucked up so often.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” Your tone was a warning. “You don’t know everything.”

“What then?” JJ knew she was pressing. She knew she was pissing you off, but frankly she didn’t care. She couldn’t watch you fall apart again only to go back to the very person who kept mistreating you. She couldn’t handle you choosing him again instead of her. “Jesus, what is his hold on you? Why do you let him treat you like shit? You run back to him every damn time too! It’s— fuck, it’s ridiculous! Why don’t you have more self worth when it comes to him?”

You definitely did not look pleased right now. Your face was twisted into a tight lipped frown and JJ didn’t think she’s ever seen you look at her like that. Her eyes flicked down to your hands and saw the way they were balled into fists, before looking back up, finally into your eyes. That’s when the anger fled her body and was immediately placed with crushing guilt. Your face told her you were pissed, but your eyes… Always those god damn eyes of yours. They were so expressive and JJ could read them better than anyone. She saw, hidden behind this anger, the pain and, to her confusion, the fear.

An uncomfortable tension filled the room and finally you took a slow, deep breath. Your eyes closed for a minute and JJ noticed the way your hands squeezed for a second before you relaxed them. When your eyes reopened and met hers, she realized you were trying to calm yourself down. It was like you had that routine down, like it was a factory reset of your own emotions, and she wondered how often you had to do that. Her gut twisted when she realized you needed to because of her.

“I said I was fine,” you said in the most monotone voice. “So, if you don’t need anything else, I have files I need to get back to.”

JJ’s jaw clenched as she realized that you, for the first time, were shutting down in front of her— because of her. She gave a short nod and turned her eyes to the floor as you walked right out of her office.

Fuck, she thought. JJ had fucked up with you. She pushed when you warned her not to and now she has some apologizing to do. Then again, she still was curious about the look in your eyes. What exactly weren’t you telling her? You said she didn’t know everything, so what else was there? Something told JJ whatever it was would just make her even more angry about this whole situation.

———————————-

This might look bad. That’s what JJ was worried about as she stood in front of your door with a bag full of takeout boxes of your favorite foods. It might look like she was pushing, and she absolutely was. That was her goal anyways. She needed to know whatever it was you weren’t telling her.

It took a couple of minutes of pacing in front of your door before she finally took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, and knocked. Her grip tightened on the bag of food, and she took a few more slow breathes as she waited for you to answer.

Thank god you lived alone. For whatever reason the two of you had never moved in together and as far as she knew, you had no intentions of doing that. That was something at least. That you understood a little that if he treated you so badly when you spent time together, living with him 24/7 would make your situation even worse.

JJ’s foot tapped on the ground as she waited outside your apartment. She couldn’t hear if you were coming to the door or not, but she knew you were home. When you finally did rip the door open, there was absolutely no surprise in your eyes when you saw that it was her on the other side. Was she really that predictable? JJ fully understood that to everyone else who knew about her feelings for you, it looked like she was some lovesick puppy, following you around until you finally opened your eyes. The fact that you weren’t surprised she was standing at your door stung a little.

“I came bearing gifts.” JJ held up the bag of food. “And to apologize. Can I come in?”

You didn’t reply, but you didn’t have to. All you did was step out of the way so she could enter and she knew all was forgiven.

JJ knew your apartment well at this point. There were too many nights she spent just sitting next to you in your living room, sleeping next to you on your bed, taking in everything about your space that felt very you. Of course, all of this time she spent there with you, you were none the wiser about the fact that it made her heart go crazy. How could you know that sharing a bed made her ache to reach out for you? Or know that spending so much time in your personal space felt almost like a domestic bliss JJ so badly wanted to share with you? You had no idea and it tugged at her heart in the most uncomfortable way each time.

She knew your apartment so well that, as she walked into the kitchen, she didn’t even wait for you to get anything. JJ already started rummaging through your cabinets for plates and your drawers for silverware, knowing exactly where to find them. You just stood back and watched as JJ plated the food, never saying a word. Not a lot of things unsettled JJ, but your silence was always one of them. When you were silent, it meant you were really hurting or stressed. She could imagine, right now you might be feeling both or— she thought back to that look of fear in your eyes— perhaps it meant something worse? Was your mind preoccupied with something scaring you?

“So…” JJ broke the silence herself, handing you the plate as she spoke. “I stopped by that place you like on 4th street.”

“Thanks,” you mumbled, taking the plate and turning to go to your couch. She followed after you. You owned a dining table. Granted, it was small, but plenty of room for you two and all the food JJ over-ordered. But JJ liked to think you chose to sit on the couch and eat there because of how close you two could be. Hopeful thinking again, she realized that, but damn… she had it bad.

“Listen,” JJ started as she sat down next to you. “I’m sorry about my outburst today.” She paused for a moment, reading your face. Your expression was neutral, but she knew you were listening and receptive. You were always so kind, too kind for your boyfriend, so she wasn’t worried you would be angry for long. “I just hate seeing when you hurt. And I worry that you’re not okay… That something is really bothering you.”

“I’m fine,” you said in a very unconvincing tone as you absentmindedly pushed your food around on the plate.

“You say that but…” JJ trailed off and didn’t continue that thought when she saw the warning glance you gave her. She dropped it for a moment, but she was going to bring it back up. Just not yet.

As you both ate, conversation turned to unimportant things. It was obvious that you were both avoiding the pressing subject— your shitty boyfriend. Or maybe ex-boyfriend if JJ was lucky this time. When you two were done JJ took both your plates without waiting for you to get up and made her way to the kitchen. She was entirely too aware of the way your eyes stayed glued to her as she washed the dishes, dried them, and put them back in their rightful place.

You would do that sometimes. Just stare at her when you thought she wasn’t looking or wasn’t aware. But she always knew. JJ was always aware of you, even if you weren’t aware of her. It was like she had finely tuned herself to notice every little thing about you, whether she meant to or not. She just had to be and at first she didn’t understand why. Then, when she realized it was because she was in love with you, it all made sense. It was blatantly obvious that the man you kept running back to wasn’t taking care of you in the slightest, so JJ did it instead. Deep down, she hoped you would notice; hoped you would understand that she would treat you better than he ever would. But it’s been a year of her pining and your constant heartbreak and still things between you and JJ haven’t changed.

When she was done with everything she sat down next to you again and, to her relief, you scooted closer. Her eyes studied you and she wondered if now was the time to press again. However, this time she was going to be more gentle.

“Listen,” she started. “I know it’s a touchy subject, but I really want to talk about-”

“Can we just not please?” Your eyes left hers and she watched the way your body shifted uncomfortably on the couch. At least you didn’t scoot away from her. That was one small relief for JJ.

“I think we need to.” JJ was trying to keep her tone as gentle as possible this time. Patience, she must have patience with you. Clearly, there were some details she was unaware of. You hinted at as much, anyway. “I just don’t understand why this keeps happening. You do know you deserve far better than him right? That you don’t deserve all the pain he puts you through.”

You nodded slowly, your shoulders slumping as your eyes fell to your fidgeting hands. It was absolutely clear in that moment, to JJ, that you did know you deserved better. A spark of irritation filled her chest, but she tried to take a couple of deep breaths. She didn’t know the full story, she was trying to convince herself that maybe what you said next would be a good reason for why you still stayed.

“It’s complicated, JJ,” you breathed a shaky sigh. “I know he treats me like crap, but there’s a reason I stay. He takes care of me…”

“Are you sure about that?” JJ’s jaw clenched as she thought of all the times he’d fuck up. “Because it looks like he could care less about your feelings or your wellbeing for that matter.”

“No.” You shook your head hard. “No, not in that way. It’s…” Your eyes closed tightly and you took another deep breath. It was at that moment that something clicked for JJ. It was a face you made every once in a while when you brought your boyfriend around and he said something stupid. It was a look of shame that had washed over you and whatever irritation JJ had felt a moment ago was replaced with a feeling of worry. “It’s that with him around I feel… protected, I guess.”

“Protected?” JJ’s brows furrowed as she tried to understand. You worked at the BAU, so of course you saw some scary stuff. You weren’t one of the members who would go out in the field, sure, which meant you didn’t have all the training of an agent, but you had the basics. She didn’t think even for a second you’d be afraid of anything coming back on you from the job. It wasn’t like your face was even known to anyone involved in any one of the cases.

“Not– It’s not from the job,” you quickly corrected, reading exactly where JJ’s confusion was coming from. “I had this boyfriend back in undergrad. Things didn’t exactly end the way he wanted it to.”

JJ felt like her stomach was dropping as she watched you fidget even more. She knew, whatever you were about to say would tie everything together for her, but it still made her feel sick. The idea of you being scared of anyone made her feel unimaginably uncomfortable for you.

“Ever since, he’s just kind of been around,” you shut your eyes tight for a moment before continuing. “I could move and then, somehow, I’d just bump into him. He would always be there when I met someone new. He just– He hovers. He’s never hurt me, but then again I don’t ever want to let my guard down.”

“So with your boyfriend then…?” She was still trying to put the pieces together of where your current boyfriend fit in. It didn’t quite make sense that you would leave one shitty guy and then find another.

“My boyfriend scares him. It wasn’t always bad between us, not at the very beginning. He was protective and I felt safe. There was this one time when he caught on that we were being followed– He made this big show of how protective he was. Ever since then, I’ve felt a little less like I need to keep looking over my shoulder.”

JJ was nodding patiently as you explained. Suddenly, she understood just about everything. It wasn’t that you were so heartbroken that he was treating you so badly, that he would cheat on you, that he would disregard your feelings, it was that he provided something important for you. Something that helped you just exist without having to be terrified all the time. It made sense now to JJ. She knew how important it was to feel safe, to feel protected. It broke her heart that you thought you needed to put up with poor treatment just to be safe. Didn’t you know she could protect you so much better than your boyfriend ever could?

“Why are you just telling me this now?” JJ’s voice was gentle, barely a whisper. She felt like if she were to push anymore you’d break in front of her.

“I don’t know, I was ashamed. Maybe? But I know you’re tired of seeing me go through the same routine with him. He always does this thing where he’ll run off with someone else and I’ll be scared, but it’s not– I’m not scared of losing him, just of being alone. I was so tired of looking over my shoulder, but when he showed up it was better… He always comes back though. Always.”

It was like you were trying to convince yourself of that fact. The way you gulped right after you said that, your eyes looking anywhere but at JJ. You knew she could read you, that she could tell when you had doubts or were lying. JJ wondered if you really thought he would come back this time? She knew it might be selfish, after all the things you just told her, but she hoped he never would come back. If he made a show of protecting you to your stalker, then she could make a better one if she needed to.

“And if he doesn’t?” JJ knew this question was going to be a hard one for you to answer, but she needed you to see that he wasn’t the answer to your problem.

“He will.” You said that almost as if it were a bad thing. Or maybe JJ was reading into it.

“You don’t need him to,” JJ urged. Okay, so now maybe she was being a bit more selfish, but she also wanted you to know that even if he didn’t come back you’d be safe. JJ would protect you with her life, she thought you understood that already. Even if you didn’t know what feelings she had for you exactly, she thought you knew how important you were to her in general. “You don’t need his protection.”

You let out a bitter chuckle at that and rolled your eyes. “Yeah, okay,” you snorted. “JJ, I’m not a field agent like you. It’s not that easy for me to protect myself when I’ve only got the bare basics of self-defense down. By the time I have more skill in that, my ex will have already made an appearance or worse.”

“That’s not what I meant.” JJ was trying to give you the most determined look she could give you and you looked back at her, clearly confused.

Realization dawned on you as you understood what she was implying. “I can’t expect you to always be there.”

“I would.” She didn’t miss a beat. Her tone was almost pleading. “I’d protect you and– I don’t know, I can teach you to protect yourself in the meantime. Just–” She was getting desperate as she watched the way you shook your head in protest with every word she said. “Please, just let me. Please.”

“JJ, shh,” you cooed, your arms suddenly coming up to pull her into an embrace. For a moment, JJ felt pathetic. It was her job right now to console you, but here you were holding her and trying to calm her. She didn’t realize how upset she was about this whole situation. She hated that you were allowing yourself to be mistreated just so you could have some sense of protection from another bad relationship of your past. She hated that you felt scared at all, she never wanted you to feel that way. More than anything, she hated that you didn’t think she would protect you, that you even needed your horrible boyfriend in the first place, when she was right here practically screaming choose me, pick me!

“I’ll be okay,” you murmured, your hand running up and down her back in a way to comfort her. Only, instead it made her heart race. Her arms wrapped around you now, holding you close for a moment. “You don’t need to take this on, okay? I can handle this.”

It wasn’t like that for JJ. It wasn’t a burden for her to take on, it was something she’d do for the rest of her life happily if you let her. It was something that she already was doing, even if you weren’t aware of it. Whether you felt the same as her or not, she would protect you with her life for as long as you would have her around. She had to make you understand that.

So she pulled back a little from the embrace. “It doesn’t have to be like this,” she whispered as her eyes searched yours. You looked back at her with a soft, wistful gaze, but you let her continue. “Let me be here for you instead…” She trailed off and started to lean in. It was now or never, and her eyes closed just as yours widened. But still, you didn’t move, you didn’t pull away, clearly knowing exactly what JJ’s intentions were. Instead, you held perfectly still until finally, for the first time, JJ’s lips met yours.

The kiss was gentle and earth shattering all at the same time. JJ was scared you’d pull away, but you didn’t. Instead, your lips parted for a brief moment, a slow exhale fell from your lips onto hers and she shuttered. She expected you to pull back, but instead you waited and she kissed you again. When she kissed you this time, you instantly melted into her. It was like every nerve ending in JJ had finally woken up. The moment she had waited for so long was happening and it was better than she ever imagined it to be.

Her hands tightened around your waist and the small sound you let out, as you were pressed closer to her chest, made her heart skip a beat. Your hands were holding onto her for dear life. She could feel a slight tremble from your body, but when she thought she should pull away, you kissed her harder.

One of JJ’s hands left your waist, only to reach up and cup your cheek. You had never been kissed so lovingly, so deeply in your entire life. JJ, on her part, was trying to pour every ounce of love she’s ever had for you into the way she was kissing you. It was intoxicating for both of you. For a moment, everything melted away. There was no tension between you two, there was no shitty boyfriend that JJ was desperate to get you away from, there were no unspoken feelings that plagued JJ’s mind every waking minute. There was only you and her and this moment. A moment that meant everything to JJ.

But it was fleeting. Maybe JJ had pushed it a little too much. One second she was brushing her tongue lightly along your bottom lip, a small gasp escaping from you as she did. The next, you were pushing her back and she was blinking at you in confusion over the abrupt change.

“What are you doing?” You said breathlessly. Your eyes were shining and JJ realized they were rimmed with tears that had yet to fall. JJ was kicking herself. Obviously, she had rushed this way too much.

“I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have–”

“I don’t need you to do this, JJ,” you interrupted. “You don’t have to. Just because I’m scared of being alone doesn’t mean– you don’t have to make this sacrifice just so I can feel safe.”

“What?” JJ was trying as hard as she could to understand what you meant. Sacrifice what? Her own safety? Surely, that couldn’t be what you meant. JJ’s own job put her safety at risk constantly, so you had to understand that she wasn’t worried about that when it came to being with you. She would be safe and she’d keep you safe, it wasn’t a problem. So what were you talking about?

“I don’t want you to think you have to be with me in order to fix all my problems. That’s not fair to you. Or to us.” You were squeezing your eyes shut so tight as you spoke and JJ realized the hands still pressed to her shoulders were trembling even harder now.

“I don’t think that,” JJ put her hands over yours, trying to calm you. She was starting to understand now and her heart ached for you yet again. Of course, you’re so used to being treated badly that you didn’t even realize how genuine JJ was trying to be. “Just…” she let go of one of your hands to brush away a tear that had fallen down your cheek, “be with me instead.”

“Oh.” That was all you said. Things were clicking for you now too. The word instead rang through your ears and suddenly it all made sense. “Oh,” you repeated, this time with more shock in your voice. JJ was putting it all out there for you now and nerves were getting the best of her. But what would it look like if she backed out now? If she couldn’t handle the fear of being vulnerable in front of you, how could she show you that she could protect you from the things you feared most?

“JJ,” your voice was barely above a whisper, “Have you always had feelings for me?”

She swallowed hard. It was a question she knew was coming, but still, that didn’t make this moment any easier. If she was going to put herself out there, then she might as well bare it all. Yet, words escaped her. Her heart pounded in her chest so loud, she could hear its beat ringing through her ears. All she could manage was a nod.

You sat back a little and it looked like you got the wind kicked out of you. It was very clear to JJ now that you really had absolutely no clue about how she felt. In all fairness, that wasn’t a surprise for JJ. She was probably a little too good at keeping a poker face around you, even if she didn’t mean to. Although, with you, for so long she was terrified of you finding her out and losing you all together. She warred with herself for so long on telling you about her feelings, but the idea of ruining your friendship and losing you forever felt worse than never having you in the way that she wanted. But here it all was, out in the open.

“For how long?” Your question wasn’t harsh, just genuinely confused.

“I don’t know,” JJ admitted. “Maybe they’ve always been here. It took me a while to realize it, but then you…” She didn’t need to continue for you to understand. There was always your boyfriend, so JJ thought there was never a good time. It was your turn for your heart to break for her. All the instances where you’d question her actions, her looks that she shot your way, all of it hit you. The realization was shocking in some ways, but made complete sense in others. And, for the first time, you realized just how much it pained her to watch you stay with someone who treated you with very little disregard. You thought back now to all the times you had run back into his arms and all the times she was just forced to watch. The hurt that must’ve caused her, you couldn’t even begin to imagine.

“I had no idea,” you mumbled. But then again, maybe you did? In the entire time you knew her, she had one relationship. It was a relationship she was already in when the two of you met, and it lasted maybe three or four months after you’d gotten to know each other. When it ended, JJ didn’t say much about why, just that it was for the best. Now you understood; it was because of you. “Or… I think I didn’t. I– I don’t really know either.”

JJ’s eyes stayed on you. She could tell you were going in circles in your own mind, trying to better understand this new development. Guilt was washing over her as she realized she’d put something complicated onto you, on top of all the other complicated factors you had just told her you were juggling. The kiss was a mistake. JJ knew the timing was horrible, but would she take it back? Absolutely not. Not even when you were looking at her in a way that told her she was about to get her heart ripped out. Her whole body tensed as she waited for the rejection she thought was coming, but still you just… sat there and stared.

You kept opening your mouth for a second, seeming like you had something to say, but then backing out a moment later. JJ knew whatever you were going to say wasn’t going to be easy for either of you, but she also knew you definitely had something you wanted to get out. She didn’t say anything in response to you, she just kept waiting for you to resume talking. Part of her hoped that whatever you said, it would be a good thing. Another part of her, a bigger part, worried that you were struggling so much because you were trying to tell her she made you uncomfortable and you didn’t quite know how to best reject her. Little did you know, it didn’t matter how hard you were going to reject her. JJ was going to stay by your side. Now more than ever, she understood how important that was for you.

Still, the silence was getting deafening for JJ. You stopped trying to talk and just looked down at your lap. JJ was about to finally break it when you did eventually decide to look back up at her.

“I think,” you began, “Maybe, I need a little time to wrap my head around this.”

JJ nodded hard, her heart thudding in her chest. It wasn’t what she expected you to say. It wasn’t even necessarily a good thing, but it wasn’t a rejection. She’d settle for that. “Of course,” she rapidly replied. “I know, it’s a lot. Today was a lot.” She stood up for a moment, anxiously looking around the room, trying to figure out her next move. “I’ll– I can give you space for the night. I should– Yeah, I should go.”

When your shining eyes looked up at her, it was like JJ’s world stood still. You had such sadness in them, such exhaustion. It was hard for her to see when she knew she caused even the smallest portion of it. You didn’t deserve everything you were dealing with. And to deal with it in silence for so long? It crushed her that you were just telling her all of this now.

You didn’t say anything for a moment as you stared up at her. Your head nodded the slightest bit, but JJ saw it. “Just for tonight,” you said in the smallest voice. JJ gave you a pained smile, one that she hoped would read to you that she understood completely.

JJ did as she said and found herself back home in her empty apartment before she could even realize how she managed to get there. The minute she stepped out of your place, all throughout the drive, and even as she laid in bed there was only one thing on her mind. Would things be different if she had known sooner?

She fell asleep with what if scenarios running through her head. Ideas of the two of you being happy somewhere far away from anything you feared. Far away from the shitty boyfriend you thought you had to be stuck with.

———————————-

JJ wanted to give you all the space she could possibly give you, but it wasn’t that easy. Now that she knew what she knew, it was hard for her to take her eyes off you for even a second. Not that it wasn’t already hard for her to do so without the information she now had, but now there was an extra layer to it. She felt more protective than ever, but she also knew you needed some space from her to process. So, she was constantly internally debating with herself.

You had told her you wanted space just for the night, but then you didn’t really talk to her the next day or the next or even the rest of the week after that. She kept her eye on you still, even if your eyes would never meet hers or you’d shift and squirm when she was near. It was killing her inside. A lot sooner than was probably healthy, a horrible thought popped into JJ’s head that had her spiraling. What if she had messed everything up? What if she ruined her friendship with you because she brought up her feelings?

The kiss kept replaying in JJ’s mind though, and she swore up and down that you kissed her back that night. Yes, you were the one to pull away, but before then, it felt like everything JJ was trying to give, you wanted to reciprocate. Maybe that was just all in JJ’s head, but she really didn’t think so. Then again, maybe she shouldn’t have kissed you at all. Maybe in her mind, everything seemed so different than it actually was. She just kept going on and on spiraling further into this thought process with each passing minute that she hadn’t heard from you.

Finally, after over a week of work, JJ had a day off coming up. Nothing had changed between you and her, you were still very much avoiding her. It was exhausting JJ, how worried she was about your wellbeing, how worried she was about the state of your friendship with her, how worried in general she was about all of it. JJ didn’t even have a minute to really sit down and take in the fact that it was also hurting her, knowing that she was probably rejected by you and her wishful thinking was just that– wishful thinking. But now she has a day off. A day to process. JJ didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing for her. For one, she got space away from seeing how uncomfortable you were, but then she couldn’t keep an eye on you to make sure you were safe. On the other hand, she could actually sit and think about how she was feeling and how to approach the silence you were giving her. However, she knew the minute she really started to think about it her heart would ache. JJ liked to think she was strong, but even she had her limits.

So how did she spend her day off then? By wallowing in her apartment and nursing her expected heartbreak ahead of time. At one point she did get dressed to go work out, but she never made it out of her apartment. She just stayed in her clean gym clothes and sat back on the couch, the idea of possibly running into you in the gym (even if she knew you’d probably be busy elsewhere) was too much of a risk.

When evening came and she finished checking her texts, missed calls, emails, and everything else you might message her on, she decided maybe she should get food. Before she even decided what she wanted to get delivered— there was still no way she was leaving her apartment at this point —she heard a knock on her door. Her eyebrows furrowed, there was no package she was expecting, no conversation with anyone else about coming over, nothing that warranted this knock.

With an exasperated sigh, she hoisted herself off the couch to go see who it was. It hadn’t been that long since the first knock that she heard another, more frantic tapping at her door. She huffed again, frustrated that whoever was on the other end was both impatient and interrupted her night of self loathing. A third knock came and she was getting a little pissed at this point.

Usually, being an agent at the BAU, she has a strict habit of checking the peephole before swinging a door open to an unexpected guest. But JJ hadn’t really been thinking clearly lately, so why start now when she could tell off the irritating person on the other side? Except, when she swung open the door she utterly froze.

She didn’t expect you to show up tonight, not when you had been actively avoiding her for days. Not to mention, you had never really needed to knock on her door. You had a key and both of you had a habit of just waltzing into each other’s places. So, you were definitely her last guess for who was waiting on the other side.

When JJ’s shocked eyes fell on you, you looked back up at her with the look of a deer caught in the headlights. JJ’s first reaction was to ask you why you seemed so scared if you were the one avoiding her for days and then showing up at her doorstep, but she held her tongue.

“Listen, okay here’s the thing…” you started suddenly. “I thought about the night, about what happened. Okay— so I took longer than I said and I’m sorry about that, but I have a good reason. I think, maybe.” You were rambling. JJ’s eyes were still filled with shock but she still had the sense to step out of the way when you pushed yourself into her apartment. “It’s just that,” you kept talking as you let yourself in, “this isn’t just something you do quickly, you know? I was with him for a while, and you and I… I’ve never connected with someone on the level I have with you. So if there was ever an inkling that I might lose our connection, even if it’s the smallest chance—“

“(Y/N), you would never lose me.” JJ had the sense to butt in with that, but your hand came up immediately after to signal her to stop whatever explanation she was ready to give you.

“Even then… The idea is terrifying,” you looked back at her with pleading eyes. Her heart sank as she began to realize where this conversation might be going. You were still pacing and she so desperately wanted to stop you and tell you not to worry about it. You didn’t have to say them to her tonight. She didn’t know if she could manage to hear the words you might say, but she didn’t dare move from the doorway.

“This isn’t coming out how I planned.” You pressed your hands to your eyes for a second and took a deep breath. “But…” you dropped your hands and gave JJ an intense look. “Then I thought about that night and all the other nights I’ve spent with you and I thought about… that kiss.” You both gulped as you said the word. “It was,” you paused, struggling to find the right words. “It was eye opening. It made me realize something…”

JJ was holding her breath. She really wasn’t sure where this conversation was going, but she really was internally begging for you to rip off the bandage.

You took a deep breath and tried to center yourself for what you wanted to say next. JJ was on edge where she stood, trying not to let you see the way her hands trembled as she waited.

“JJ, I want to be with you.” The words were out there and JJ’s eyes widened the second she took that in.

“What?” It wasn’t that JJ didn’t hear you, it was that she was in a state of mild shock.

“I have feelings for you too. I think I’ve always known how you felt, how I felt even. I just wasn’t sure how to face it…” Your eyes fell to the floor, suddenly feeling more vulnerable than you perhaps ever had been. “But then when you left that night it was all so clear to me.”

JJ took a few steps towards you, her heart beating like a jackhammer in her chest. “Then why did you ignore me for days?”

“I wasn’t trying to.” You looked back up at her with apologetic eyes. “I said I wanted to do things right and I do. So, I wanted to make sure I put a permanent end to my relationship. All his stuff needed to be out, I needed to tell him that— You know, that this was really it. Which I did, last night. And then it took me all day to figure out what to say to you.” You let out a soft laugh and shook your head. “I had this whole script planned out. I didn’t use any of it. This has to be the messiest way to tell someone you want to be with them.”

Finally, JJ’s face shifted from shock to a soft smile. She took another step and then another until she was right in front of you. “I think it still worked out well.”

You took a step towards her and whispered, “yeah?”

“Yeah,” she nodded before reaching for your waist. She leaned in and her lips pressed against yours for the first time since that night. And just like that first time, you melted into it.

———————————-

When you made up your mind to finally tell her that you wanted to be with her, you had also told yourself that you would do things right, take things slow. However, when your back hit her mattress and you looked down at the foot of the bed to see JJ crawling up your body… Well, that ship had long sailed. Even JJ had a similar thought when you finally admitted that you wanted to be with her, but that idea quickly went out the window the minute she felt your whole body press into hers as she kissed you. Her resolve only broke further the more the two of you pulled at each other’s clothes as you made it to her bedroom.

There was still a part of both of your minds that told you two that maybe things should slow down, but then when you looked at her, pupils blown, a slight blush across your face, that idea left her mind entirely. And when she looked back at you, nothing but adoration in her eyes as her hands ran up and down your half-naked body, any worry about going too fast was erased from yours too. This was JJ after all. It wasn’t like you didn’t know her. You did, you truly knew her. Perhaps deeper than most people can know one another.

So there you both were. JJ was hovering over your body at this point and you couldn’t stop yourself from taking in the beautiful tone of her bare stomach as she waited above you in nothing but a sports bra. Without even thinking, your hands made their way to her stomach and your nails, ever so softly, raked down her skin. You watched in awe as JJ shivered and her eyes filled with lust; a look entirely new for you to see.

JJ cupped your chin and dipped her head down. The way she kissed you, slow and deep, had your chest heaving and your heart racing. Your nails dragged across her stomach until they reached around her back and you pressed her down. Now her barely clothed form was pressed against your matching half naked body. Her hand didn’t leave your chin as her tongue traced around your own. You, for the most part, could only grip at her closer as you continued to kiss her. All of these feelings, of her pressed against you, the way she kissed and touched you, everything was just overwhelming your senses in the best way. Finally, when you felt JJ’s other hand start to brush down your stomach until she pressed the palm of her hand to your bare thigh, did you start to ground yourself in the feeling of her touch. Her fingers gently traced circles on your inner thigh as she kept kissing you, with each passing second getting closer and closer to where you wanted her most.

JJ pulled back just a little, her lips still barely ghosting over yours. Her fingers were playing with the edge of your panties and you realized she was trying to get your consent. Your heart swelled for the care she was giving you. It was something that might just be considered the bare minimum, but when JJ did it, it showed just how much she respected and felt for you. All of this felt new to you tonight, not just the fact that you were about to be with JJ for the first time in a way that you had never expected before, but everything else about the encounter. Never had you felt someone cherish you as much as she did and that feeling intensified with each little touch.

You gave her a small nod, your arms moving up her back to wrap around her neck and pull her lips back down to meet yours. As you resumed the kiss, you let a small gasp out against her lips the moment you felt her fingertips dip into your panties and brush against your clit.

Her fingers stroked slowly across it once and then twice and you couldn’t stop the small sounds that escaped from you. JJ wanted to take this slow, to soak in every single sound you made and how good you felt, but it wasn’t easy. Part of her wanted to just let go of everything, to let go of the long time she spent bottling things up, but she knew you needed to feel the love and adoration she had for you before she could dive in and finally indulge in what she’s wanted for so long.

Her fingers started to trace small circles around your clit and her lips left yours to kiss across your jaw. Your eyes were screwed shut again and your hips were moving ever so slightly with the way her fingers were working on your clit. JJ’s eyes were fixated on the way your face looked, flushed and twisted in the pleasure she was giving you. Your lips parted slightly to let out a small whimper and that was when JJ knew she needed to pick up the pace. Her fingers pressed more firmly on your clit and the way they moved against it sped up. Your hips kept moving in time with her hand, trying to get more friction. JJ’s other hand went to your breast, pushing your bra up so that she could have access to your nipples. Her fingers traced around each one as her lips made their way down your neck. Neither of you seemed to notice or care that the way she started nipping and kissing at the skin there was surely going to leave visible marks.

The feelings she was building up in you was starting to become too much, but you still wanted more. The way she focused on your clit felt amazing, but you wanted to feel her– to really have her. Without hesitation, one of your hands untangled itself from around JJ to reach down and grab her wrist. Both of you were shocked by the bold move, but neither of you minded, when you pushed her hand down further into your panties. JJ knew exactly what you wanted and let her fingers circle your entrance.

You took a few deep breaths, your hand leaving her wrist to go back to pressing her body closer to yours. JJ’s lips moved down to your chest and the moment you felt her fingers start to push into you, you also felt her take one of your nipples into her mouth.

“Oh!” You did not mean to gasp as loudly as you did, but after that gasp came a moan as you felt JJ’s two fingers sink deeper into you before pulling out almost completely and pushing back in. She wasn’t going fast, but she wasn’t necessarily going slow either. The angle was a little awkward with your lower half still partially clothed, but you desperately wanted her to keep going. Eventually, your legs fell open wider to give her more space and your arms left JJ again only for a moment to frustratingly pull your panties down and kick them off. With those off, and JJ’s fingers back inside you, your head rolled back again. You couldn’t stop the constant, desperate moans and gasps that left your lips.

JJ, in the meantime, had been busy switching between your breasts, marking up each of them and running her tongue across both nipples. When she started to feel your legs shake, she knew she needed to speed up. Her lips moved back to your neck, kissing over the marks she had left behind previously. Her fingers curled and your nails pressed into her skin. The sting of it didn’t even bother her, she was too lost in this moment with you. You were practically crying out her name with each pump of her fingers inside you. She wasn’t aware of much else other than the way you felt around her fingers.

“I love you.” Her voice was muffled into your neck, barely above a whisper. “I love you…” she breathed again, her fingers pumping faster inside you while your nails dug harder into her back.

It took a moment for those words to sink in. Words you didn’t expect to hear so soon. Especially not now, not during your first night together like this. But they were out there, whether JJ meant for you to hear or not.

Your body tensed for just a moment, even if you didn’t mean to. You had hoped JJ wouldn’t notice, but like always she did. Her head pulled back, her fingers slowed to a stop but never pulled out. Immediately when she met your eyes hers filled with panic. Probably because you looked back up at her with shock.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean for–” She started to pull away. “I know this isn’t the best time to say–”

Your hands clenched harder onto her back, trying your best to get her to stop pulling away from you. “I love you too,” you whispered. It wasn’t something you expected to say, but suddenly as you looked up at her, you realized it was the truest feeling you’ve ever had.

Her eyes searched yours for a moment. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You nodded hard, your hand pressed to the nape of her neck to encourage her to lean down and kiss you once again. As she did, her fingers resumed from the pace that they had left off.

One of JJ’s hands came down to your thigh, grabbing it to hook across her waist. Her fingers hit just the right spot deep inside you and you broke the kiss to moan out a breathy, “I love you.” JJ’s pace sped up even more and that was all it seemed like you knew how to say. You kept saying it until finally, finally you came hard on her fingers.

JJ slowed her pace, letting you ride out your orgasm until you finally took a deep breath. Your eyes stayed closed and JJ, ever so slowly, pulled her fingers out of you.

“Wow,” you panted.

“Yeah,” JJ let out a breathless chuckle. “Wow.” Her hands came up to cup your face again and you pressed a kiss to her palm.

“I do really love you,” you whispered. “I don’t know how it took me this long to see that…”

She shook her head before pressing a kiss to your forehead. “We’re here now and that’s what matters.”

Your arms pulled JJ tighter into you and you knew she was right. Despite how long it took you to put up with the bad treatment and accept the fact that she was there this whole time, you two were here now. Together and in love. This was just the beginning of it, and you knew that not only were you finally able to feel truly safe, but that feeling would never go. As long as you had JJ, you felt no fear.

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