#because it’s not a real path anymore. the idea of a detective and the reality are too divorced. and I would die or be framed and kicked out

[ziracona]

Anyway I’m a genius

[bangtanshomura]

PINK | 2/? | pjm

summary: A neighbor as pink and hopelessly romantic as you and an equally pink neighbor like Jimin (but without a thing or two in common), sounds almost perfect together, right?. The only problem? That you are madly in love with him but his tonalities are very different from yours.

pairing: park jimin x female reader.

genre: fluff, angst, (maybe in the future a little of smut? not so sure).

word count: 1992

warning: unrequited love, pinning, so much embarrassment, a looooot of pink hehe, hurt, some mxm with ot7, you know…it happens sometimes.

------

Pink, 'cause you are so very

“Sup with the face, sugar?” Seokjin’s voice pulls you back to reality. Or maybe was Jimin’s text.

“Jimin asked me if he should go on a date with the pretty girl of the coffee shop across the street”

“You are a pretty girl” He points you with a finger, looking at you harshly. “And Jimin always says stupid things, so please, don’t overthink this”

“But I'm not the pretty girl he would consider asking out on a date” your voice is almost a whisper, so genuinely hurt that Seokjin can't help the tug at his heart.

“Well, his loss, I’m telling you” He scoffs “He will see you someday—” Tucks a lock of hair behind your ear with an affectionate smile. “ like, really see you. And I hope it's not too late when that happens”

Everyone knows what a wonderful person you are, including Park Jimin.

The only person who apparently lacks this information is you.

And it's not that Seokjin has any feelings of hatred and contempt towards the now black-haired boy; but he didn’t appreciate the way he lured you to him and then pushed you away.

Actually, even if Namjoon thinks otherwise, he is absolutely certain that there is some reason why Jimin's colors look somewhat... dull.

There must be a reason why despite the subtle -quite obvious in Seokjin's opinion- attraction Jimin feels for you, he doesn't let it develop but also doesn't let it stop.

Seokjin just knows it's like that, it's a feeling,

“I love you so much Jinnie, but I don't want to talk about this anymore” You leave a small kiss in his cheek before you continue talking. “Are you coming for some unhealthy dinner tonight?”

“You know that we will, baby” The wink it throws at you makes you giggle “Namjoon will pick us up ten minutes before we close the store, safety an all, you know my man” You both laugh a little. “Any suggestions?”

“I'm craving a cheeseburger from McDonald’s”

“A cheeseburger from McDonald's will be” It’s a reality, they don’t know how to say no to you. And they don’t want to. “Now, help me with this arrangement, I have never met a bride as demanding as this girl. I swear”

______

"Just when I think you can't get any more idiotic, you come along and surprise me Jimin."

Yoongi’s raspy voice makes him roll his eyes.

“What are you talking about now?”

“You know what. Don’t play dumb with me” He signals his phone with a movement of the head and scolds him with his eyes. Translation: He read the messages. “You can’t keep doing this to her.”

Jimin looked out the window again, exchanging glances with the barista who batted her eyelashes flirtatiously, gifting him a smile that he returned with a smaller one of his own.

She's pretty, he had to admit that. But neither her flirtatious smile nor her long, stylish hair, managed to provoke anything in him.

Not like his small, pink, innocent neighbor.

A sigh left his lips and he returned his gaze to his phone.

“I know”

______

“Are we hungry or what?”

Namjoon enters the shop with his extra-large arms extended, prepare to wrap you two in a bear hug.

“We are always hungry; you already know that hun”

Seokjin takes his face in between his hands with so much delicacy that you want to cry but instead you fake a gagging noise that makes them chuckle and you smile fondly to the presence of their love.

“Let’s go before you suffocate me with so much PDA” You give them a weak smile walking towards the entrance, in a crestfallen manner.

The taller one knows there is something in your voice that doesn't fit the facade you want to sell him, so, he looks to his boyfriend direction with a raised brow and an interrogation mark painted on its face.

His boyfriend answers him with a silent lip movement, a name, clarifying the situation.

Of course, it had to be.

“I cross paths with Jungkook this morning”

“Really? How is he?” Your question doesn’t come as curious as his want’s to, but he keeps anyways.

“You know, hotter than before” Seokjin watches him curious while locking the gate of the flower shop, eyebrow arching and he clarifies his voice. “I might have invited him to dinner today”

Okay, he may not have invited him, but they did crossed paths in a convenience store while the younger one was carrying a bag full of banana milk.

But he will.

“…You did?”

The hesitation in your voice gives him a push.

“Yeah, I mean, is it wrong?”

————

You should have known.

How is it possible that a specimen like Jeon Jungkook exists and on top of that, he is single.

Damn Kim Namjoon and damn his twisted plan or whatever that goes through his prodigy brain.

“You could have warned me that he looked like that!”

“Boring” Namjoon prolonged the ‘o’ “I don’t see what’s wrong. He is hot, you are hot, he is single, you are single. A win-win situation if you ask me”.

“But I didn’t”.

“Irrelevant. We are having an amazing night y/n. You know that I’m not going to force you on a date with Jungkook but I want you to enjoy this moment with me, with us”.

“I am enjoying the moment, excuse you” You murmur.

“No your not. You think that I didn’t see the sadness in your eyes?”

“Nam…”

“No baby, not today” He takes a deep breath and looks at you with so much love and concern. “Please”

Deep inside, you know he is right, that you need a night of rest from the problem in your heart that has Park Jimin as its name.

Jungkook is funny, sweet, attentive and Namjoon isn't lying when he says the four of you are having a spectacular night.

You can see it in your best friend's eyes, the desperation to see you well, happy.

So, you agree.

“But!—” Namjoon waits for whatever that you are going to say “What the fuck with those tattoos? And the piercing? He can’t be real, you created him”

He lets out a thunderous laugh as he wraps an arm around your shoulders.

“Girl, I know”

______

“Thank you so much for having me tonight y/n”

“Oh, no, no” You blush. He chuckles, watching you trying to burn holes in the door of the apartment in front of yours to avoid his gaze. “I-I…eh…Thank you! T-Thank you for coming, like, here, to my house, obviously…oh my god”

You want to slap your face for making a fool of yourself in front of another extremely hot man.

And then, he smiles.

And it's not a smirk or a chuckle that can be interpreted as "I know what I’m doing to you."

It's genuine.

He’s giving you his adorable bunny smile.

“Cute”

If he is about to say something else besides what your brain translated as a compliment, a voice coming from the elevator at the end of the hall momentarily distracts you from it.

“Hey pink”

Although Jimin's greeting is for you, his eyes are intently fixed on the male figure next to you, who watches him curiously.

“Jiminie, you are at home”

Jungkook's eyes travel quickly from Jimin to you, who -with incredible speed for someone so small- runs into the arms of the black-haired boy standing in front of the elevator door.

The gears in his brain working at full power, stopping abruptly when this guy drops the bags he was carrying on the floor so he can wrap his arms around your waist, still throwing daggers in his direction.

Then the realization hits him, and his lips let out an amused chuckle.

This guy must see him as a threat and being honest, he could be.

If you'd let him, that is.

“Yoongi didn't let me escape early, I'm sorry I couldn't make it to dinner with you”

The butterflies in your belly do a triple loop at his words.

"It's okay, I understand" You say turning around but not before grabbing one of the bags lying on the floor and incidentally, the hand he keep unoccupied by the other bags, you turn to Jungkook with a smile "Jungkookie, this is Jiminie, my neighbor!"

“Hi, Jiminie the neighbor”

Jungkook extends his hand offering it in a cordial greeting, while Jimin examines him completely to finally put down the bags and shake it without separating his hand that is holding yours.

“Just Jimin”

You don't quite understand why they seem to be having a battle to the death with just their eyes, in the middle of the hallway, while Mrs. Kim passes by and watches the scene with curiosity.

You give her a somewhat apologetic smile and make a small bow before -trying- to take a step to get closer to Jungkook.

Try, because the moment Jimin detected movement on your part, he pulled your hand with a little force -without hurting you of course-, to return you to his side.

Jungkook catches between his lips the mocking laughter that wants to escape from his chest and instead returns his gaze to you, smiling softly.

"I'd love to stay and get to know 'Just Jimin' a little more, but I'm afraid it's a little late" You can watch from the corner of your eye as Jimin rolls his eyes and turns to the side with a pout on his lips.

Weird.

Not the tantrum, you've seen it multiple times.

The moment. Yeah, that's weird.

"Actually, yes. It's late. Jungkookie from college" Jimin says dryly

For some reason your brain fails to organize its ideas and thoughts, they're all scattered all over the floor of what you assume is the control room in your head.

"Sure" Jungkook replies without looking at him, taking a step to get closer to you, snapping you out of your thoughts "Really, thanks for tonight, y/n"

Jimin knows, he can feel it.

His cheeks must be red and his forehead must have the biggest scowl in history.

Because, who does he think he is, Jungkookie from college, to hug you like that?

Even when his hand is intertwined with yours!.

"Oh" Jungkook's warm embrace brings you back to your senses completely. unconsciously letting go of Jimin's hand to return the gesture with affection "Thank you for coming, I hope Namjoon didn't force you to come all the way here."

"Not at all. Actually, I'd love to meet with you guys again."

When you part, Jimin makes his presence noticeable again, taking your hand quickly with a huff.

------

"I thought only Namjoon and Jin were coming for dinner?"

Jimin lets the question out casually, wishing it wasn't too obvious his need for information from the - apparently - new member of your group.

"Oh, yeah, Namjoon found Jungkook by chance and invited him over for old times' sake."

He can see how you arrange some cans in his cupboard, as if you know the place by heart.

Leaning on his kitchen counter, a smile moves over his lips at the domesticity of the moment.

How can you look so pretty and pink, doing something as mundane as stocking his pantry?

And it's this very thought that forces him to take control of the situation. Because he knows that what happened in the hallway a few minutes ago must have confused you even if you don't show it to him.

And it's not something he can afford.

"I see" Running his hand through his hair -a habit he doesn't intend to abandon-, he starts rummaging through another shopping bag as he continues "Did you read my messages?"

He can see you cease your movements and stand still with a bag of candy in one hand.

"I-I..."

"Nevermind" He Interrupts you "Yoongi advised me on one or two things that might be useful."

"He did?"

No.

But you can't know that.

"Yeah, he did."

------

A/N:

For the people who read the first part, I'm sorry for the delay but I've been going through an unexpected and difficult time, so I promise to make up for the lost time. In the meantime I'll leave this chapter here and I hope you enjoy it and again, I'm really sorry!

[pretend-writer]

Down Below (Chapter 66)

Summary: After being sent down on Earth with the other prisoners from the Ark, Y/N Reyes faces series of events and learns about survival. With new things happening around her, she is now starting a new chapter in her life.

Pairing: Bellamy Blake x reader, Raven Reyes x sister!reader

Word Count: 6.1k words

Warning: swearing, war & violence, mention of sex

Down Below Masterlist

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'Wake up, Y/N.' I heard a voice from a distance, after a while I realized it was Octavia calling for me.

Slowly gaining full consciousness again, I felt my head pounding and my ears ringing. The explosion had me blacked out for a long time and now the sky was already dark.

'You feel alright?' She whispered as she laid on the ground. 'Don't move, the patrols are watching us from above.'

'Don't worry, I wouldn't be able to move even if I wanted to.' I whispered back and sighed. 'They shot my leg earlier before the explosion.'

'We should try to move when the lights aren't hitting us. I'll help you up.' Seeing the pattern from the lights going left and right, it seems as though they were detecting Wonkru with them. 'They won't see us when the lights aren't flashing this way.'

With my cheek against the ground, I tried looking around without moving anything but my eyes. 'Where's Bellamy?'

'I don't know, I haven't seen him. Maybe he escaped because I haven't seen Indra either.' I was scared that once we try to rush off to meet with the others, we'll discover Bellamy dead on the ground.

'Stop, don't think like that. You have that look on your face.' Octavia breathed as she watched my facial expression, 'Bellamy is okay. We have to worry about getting out of here first. Can you get up?'

'Why are you so eager to save me, O? Are you genuinely caring or are you scared to face war alone?' It was stupid of me to bring this up now at a life-or-death moment but it just blurted out; I couldn't keep nice with her anymore and needed to let everything out.

Octavia raised her voice but still in a low tone. 'Of course I want to save you. How can you say that?'

Her voice had a harsher tone but her face said it all; she feared something. All of what was happening right now scared her.

'You're scared, just admit it. We know each other too damn well to lie to so jus-'

'Okay! I'm scared. Is that what you want to hear? Damn it, you're going to have to get the fuck up or we're both going to die here tonight.'

After years of putting up a front, we were both finally honest; six years after hiding our true feelings, I knew how uneasy that was for her to admit everything and show her vulnerability. All of it was hard for me too, doing the same thing to Bellamy.

Letting all the anger out probably made us both feel better because now, it was quiet between us. Shortly realizing we had to get moving, I finally spoke up. 'I-I don't know if I can make it, my leg is pretty messed up.'

Octavia crawled slowly next to me as she gripped on my hips tightly. 'We go together when the next light passes.'

Both of us eyed the light that flashed across the dark area, going left and right. When the light finally left our sight, I quickly got up even when the pain was nearly unbareable.

'Now!' Octavia whispered loudly as she practically carried me across to the big boulder that would be able to cover us from the search light.

'Y/N? Octavia?' Bellamy turned to us, 'I thought you guys made it out. You guys okay?'

Both mine and Octavia's eyes widened, scared that we ran into one of McCreary's men. I was also surprised to see him still here.

'Y/N is hurt, really bad.' Octavia replied to her brother as she slowly set me down against the boulder. 'What should we do now?'

Bellamy chuckled in frustration, 'We? You're the one that got us in this mess. You can figure this out on your own.'

'I tried, okay? And I'm sorry. Can we please just find a way to get us all out in one piece please?'

He sighed, 'Can you walk still Y/N?'

'I can try but I don't know if I can stay up for too long. I'm pretty much useless.'

'I'll get you out. I just need a distraction.' Octavia was determined to get me out of here, I've never seen her so serious; the last time she was, it was the day Wonkru chose her as leader.

'Guys, I appreciate it but let's be real... I won't be able t-'

Bellamy cut me off, denying everything. 'We're getting back to the others one way or another.'

Octavia stared at her brother and took a breath. 'He's right Y/N. I got an idea but Bellamy, you're going to have to carry Y/N and run as fast as you can.'

'What are you going to do Octavia?' I asked with concern. Octavia and I had a bit of a rough patch but I didn't want anything bad to happen to her.

'You two just go.' Octavia bit her lip as she saw my facial expression. 'What? Earlier you were eager to fight me but suddenly you're worried about me?'

I eyed Octavia in awe, worried about what crazy scheme she was planning in her head. What bothered me the most about this was that Bellamy wasn't doing anything to stop her.

'Whatever you have in mind, I don't like it. Oct-'

'Y/N look, everything that's happening right now is my fault and I need to fix this. Fix Wonkru, fix our friendship, fix everything I've broken in the past six years. Let me do this.'

'No, I'm not letting you.' I shook my head and quickly turned to Bellamy. 'Please help me out here, stop her Blake.'

Bellamy looked at me and then his sister in silence, I knew he was thinking about this situation in his head and I didn't like that he was hesitating.

Shoving his arm, I grunted. 'Stop your sister!'

'I can't.'

'Why not?'

'Just let her do what she needs to do.'

My nose twitched as tears started falling from my eyes. I hated that I was crying but I felt so hopeless and useless. My leg was starting to feel numb and I couldn't stand that I was so damn vulnerable.

This wasn't how I imagined being back on the land after leaving the bunker. Things were supposed to be joyous and that's all I hoped it would be.

Of course that wasn't the case.

Just as if I was on the Ark again, it was never happiness but always a disaster. I didn't know why I even bothered to hope for change. It never worked.

Octavia grabbed my hands and tried to smile, 'Omon Gon Oson.'

'Don't do this, I can't lose anyone else.' I sniffled, 'It's supposed to be me and you, always remember?'

'You're going to be fine.' She mumbled before she walked into the enemy's vision. What was worse was that I couldn't even jump in front of her to stop what she was doing and Bellamy didn't move a single muscle.

Octavia raised her hands and put it behind her head, surrendering in front of McCreary's men. All the lights flashed right at her, getting all the attention. I bet they loved that Blodreina was finally on her knees and not fighting back.

I closed my eyes shut as I heard Octavia scream. She let out all the pain and the suffering that tortured us throughout our lives in hell. This was it for us, the final path together but I couldn't take one last look at her; seeing her lying on the floor would've been agonizing.

My eyes shut tighter as I heard guns from a distance, slowly coming towards us. I knew something wasn't right because the sound of an engine came closer as well.

'They came...' Bellamy muttered under his breath as the Rover stopped right in front of Octavia.

'Get in now!' Echo yelled from the passenger seat, shooting towards McCreary's army.

Bellamy picked me up and rushed to the Rover as John opened the back door for us to hop in. 'Come on, we have to hurry.'

Octavia joined us in the backseat and John quickly closed the door. 'We're good to go!'

Madi switched the gears and turned the car around quickly while Echo slowed them down, getting an opportunity to drive off without any problem.

Echo smirked as she turned her head around, 'Glad to see you all alive.'

'Y/N's leg is pretty fuc-'

'I'll be fine.' I interrupted Bellamy, hoping the stern tone from my voice wasn't too obvious that I was infuriated with him. How could he just leave his sister like that?

Emori shifted her eyes toward me and scratched her head. 'Funny how we're back to where it all started.'

Thinking back to the time where Emori shoved me through the rover, I chuckled lightly. 'What a throwback, huh.'

'Wow, this isn't awkward at all.' John joked.

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'Y/N? Y/N?'

Jumping back to reality, my eyes followed the direction my name was coming from. John waved his hand in my face, trying to get my attention. 'You with me here?'

'Oh, yeah. Sorry.' I said casually as he sat next to me. I've been in bed rest since we got back to camp and I was getting easily distracted by my thoughts.

'That's all I get? Not even a "I missed you." Huh?' He laughed lightly as he reached for a hug, 'Because I surely did miss you, Y/N.'

Hugging him tightly, I responded. 'Of course I missed you. I was just distracted for a bit, sort of forgot you were in the tent with me.'

'You know, I was hoping I would catch you with warpaint across your face like Monty said. Apparently you scared the shit out of him and Harper.'

From embarrassment of my dark and nasty past, I faked a smile. 'Ah, yeah. Not my finest moment.'

'Hey, if it makes you feel better, I'm sure you looked really hot. The "grounder" look would've been so-'

Immediately, I lightly punched him on his arm. 'Don't say stuff like that considering the fact that you have a girlfriend. Emori already hates me as it is.'

'Ah yeah...' John scratched the back of his head and sighed. 'News flash, her and I aren't dating anymore. It's a bit complicated.'

'Relationships are always complicated.' I looked to the ground as the first thought that came to my head was about Bellamy.

It wasn't even our "complicated" relationship that I was thinking about, it was how he betrayed his sister and left her to die out on the field that bothered me so much.

'Let me guess, Bellamy?' John said.

Looking up as our eyes met, I tried to pretend otherwise even when it was clearly about him. John knew me too well, chuckling as he saw me try to hide my emotions. ''You're so easy to read, Y/N. Look, I've heard about you and the whole Skafaiya transformation but you're always the same person deep down. I don't buy the whole "princess of hell" bullshit.'

'You're the only one who thinks that, John. You also haven't seen the real me. The dark side that I unleashed down at the bunker.' Flashbacks of the killings gets me every time; I hated that I stooped so low.

'I've known you for a long time, Y/N. Whatever you went through and done at the bunker, I'm sure you did it for a reason. I don't believe you as a bad guy or having a bad side, ever.'

John's smile made me feel warmth that I haven't felt in a long time. I'll never forgive myself for the things I've done but hearing John say that about me gave me some sort of hope.

We've known each other for so long, from the day we met in Pike's class, both of us getting locked up in the Skybox until now. It was nice to know John's genuine thoughts about me after the tough years we faced together.

'It's nice to hear that, really but there isn't an excuse for the all the bad stuff I did.'

'Y/N, I've done some bad things too.' He laughed everything off and continued, 'Let's see, I accidentally turned off our oxygen source everyone was pissed. Uhm, I tried going a week without eating Monty's nasty Algae. Yuck. I eventually gave up because I was starving.'

His "bad things" was nothing compared to mine but knowing his old tricks, I knew what he was doing. 'You're still really good at distracting me, I see.'

'Yes I am.' He continued to think about the last six years in the Ring, 'Ah. Bad news for you but Bellamy and I fought almost everyday. You have to give me some credit though because I didn't start all the fighting and arguing.'

'What did you guys fight about this time?'

'Honestly, about you.' John raised his eyebrows and tilted his head down. 'Which is also kind of the reason why Emori and I broke up years ago.'

Furrowing my eyebrows, I started to worry. I knew Bellamy and John never saw eye to eye but I never wanted to ruin their relationship. Especially with Emori, I felt terrible that I was the reason for their problems. 'If it's about the fight before Priamfaya, I-'

'She was out of line when she pushed you out of the rover. Jealousy or not, she could've almost killed you.' John took a deep breath, stressed from remembering the tense memories. 'It wa- that wasn't the breaking point for our relationship. It did make me mad but...'

'But what?'

John paused for a moment; I figured he didn't want to talk about his breakup between Emori which was why I didn't ask again. Before I tried to change the subject, he spoke. 'I told her I still loved you.'

It was a complete surprise, considering I never thought that this would happen at all. We've both moved on, found someone else for ourselves. I'll always have a place in my heart for John but he seemed so happy with Emori, I would've never thought.

'Hence the tension between Bellamy and I. Emori eventually told him about my feelings towards you and ever since, we've been fighting like crazy. So much for happy Spacekru family, huh.' John nervously chuckled.

'John, I-'

'No, no need for an apology or anything. Emori always had doubts about our relationship so it's not anything new. Don't worry about it.' It was easy to tell his smile was fake, 'Besides, I know you love Bellamy. I don't want to get in between you two.'

We both stared at each other, it was weird how I felt. John was my best friend, my only best friend from the Ark that I had left after Finn died. We have so much history together and we've come a long way.

I didn't know if it was his empathy or my anger for Bellamy that made me feel something different for John. It's been a long time since John and I even had a slight connection but it didn't feel all that wrong.

Both our head turned as we heard Bellamy come into my tent, John gave him a smug. 'What's up?'

'What are you doing in here?' Bellamy questioned him.

'A friend can't visit me in my tent?' I rolled my eyes as I got on my foot. John and Bellamy watched me like a sad puppy as I stood up on my bad leg. 'My leg is fine. Just a little sore.'

'You need to rest, Reyes.'

'We came back, I've rested. Now the suns up which means it's time to get a move on.' I walked slowly, limping as well but it didn't bother me as much as Bellamy bothered me.

John sighed, 'Y/N. Getting Shallow Valley is important but we can do this on our own. You're mor-'

'You shut up Murphy.'

'Leave him alone.' I glared at Bellamy and approached him. 'Seems like betrayal runs in the family huh? You and Octavia are exactly the same.'

Bellamy shook his head, 'Is that what you're mad about? Do you really wanna talk about betrayal right now?'

John got in between us, facing me as he tried to calm me down. 'I'll be fine, John. Just walk away because I don't want you to get hurt.'

As he nodded and walked out of my tent, Bellamy laughed sarcastically, 'You think I'm going to hurt Murphy?'

'You know I was really, genuinely happy about us trying to move on. I get that Octavia has done some things she isn't proud of but so have I.' Hoping that this will be a peaceful conversation, I kept my tone of voice. 'If you're considering being at peace with what I've done, why can't you with your own sister?'

'It's not the same- she's my sister.'

Watching Bellamy crumble as he thought of his sister reminded me of the reaction I was going to get when I finally see Raven again. Maybe in a way I understood, it was more of a disappointment perhaps.

I can't even imagine how disgusted Raven felt about me knowing what I've done. I knew that Raven would be so disappointed in me as well as embarrassed to even be associated with me.

It was hard to fully understood Bellamy's point of view in this but thinking from Raven's perspective I tried to sympathize with his thoughts. The fact of the matter was it didn't change what Octavia and I both did.

The only thing I could do was nod in response, acknowledging Bellamy as he thought about his sister's change. Not thinking anymore of their relationship I tried changing the subject. 'Are we all ready to head out?'

'Reyes, you're not serious are you?' He knew I wouldn't give up and Bellamy was worried now more than ever, especially because McCreary showed no mercy. Hearing what he has done to our people, he didn't want anything worse to happen to me.

'My sister is taken hostage by a psychopath and our "beloved" Clarke Griffin. I can't stay here and do nothing.' My sarcasm was uncalled for but considering our past and what she was doing to our friends, I couldn't care less.

Bellamy knew I was too stubborn to listen to him, he sighed. 'Come on, we have a plan.'

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'Octavia kneeling for a natbleda, can you believe that? Now that Wonkru has a new commander, we might actually have a chance.' Emori praised as she drove the Rover.

'You think that little kid can lead a clan?' John chuckled, 'I mean better than Octavia I guess but I don't know.'

'All Wonkru wants is a natbleda to follow. Madi is smart and capable, I believe in her.' Echo followed up with John's question. She then turned to me and eyed my leg. 'I'm more worried about you Y/N.'

It was weird being on the same side of history with a woman that nearly killed me and my friend in the past, now she was worried about my injuries. 'I'll be fine once I know that Raven is okay.'

'Ah fuck!' As we heard bullets hitting the Rover, Emori punched the dashboard. 'They damaged the engine.'

'We need to go now.' Bellamy grabbed his machine gun and left the Rover with Echo who had an arrow on her hand.

John screamed as the bullet hit him on the shoulder, 'Fucking pricks!' He grabbed tightly onto the remote that activated the weapon that was attached to the Rover.

The enemy's voices echoed throughout the valley as Murphy shot them one after the other. Followed by a huge explosion thanks to Bellamy and Echo, the screams coming from the other side were now silent.

'Done.' John breathed heavily as he held onto his wounded shoulder.

Quickly rushing over to John, I checked his wound. He chuckled, 'Ha. Now we have a matching bullet wound.'

'That's not funny. How are you feeling?'

John stared at me with a serious look on his face. The sudden change of his mood from sarcasm to seriousness scared me a bit. 'What?'

He suddenly grabbed onto my cheek and crashed his lips on to mine, everything took me by surprised and I didn't know what to do but to pull away. 'Jo-'

'Saw the opportunity and I took it.' He laughed a bit. 'You didn't seem like you hate it though, Y/N.'

John wasn't entirely wrong when he said that but I was confused about my feelings towards him and Bellamy. 'You're lucky Emori isn't in here or she would've thrown me off the rover again.'

'I wouldn't let her hurt you.' John smiled as he opened the door to the vehicle. 'Besides, I saw her leave the rover.'

There it was again, that feeling in the pit of my stomach. The same butterflies I felt when John and I started dating for the first time up at the Ark. The feeling I got when Bellamy and I had our actual kiss before we went into Mount Weather.

It was all coming back again but this time it was for someone other than Bellamy.

✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤

Walking the rest of the way to Shallow Valley felt like a journey. My leg was starting to hurt ridiculously again and I honestly didn't know if I could go any further.

'Y/N, you're bleeding.' Madi pointed my injury out as we were getting close to the Valley. I've known for a while about the blood but I didn't want to slow the group down. 'You should sit down.'

'We don't have time to sit down. For all we know, McCreary has Raven at gun point and I cannot take the risk.'

Madi stood next to me, wrapped my arm around her as she helped me walk. 'Well we can't have both of you die.'

A chuckle escaped my mouth, 'That is true. This is why you're our commander. Smart girl.'

She smiled as she continued to help me, 'Speaking of, I wanted to ask you about that. Are you mad about everything?'

'Why would I be?' I shook my head, seeing concern all over Madi's face. 'I've really fucked everything up. You've been here for only a while and already making a huge difference.'

'Thanks. Clarke always loved talking about her friends and I loved hearing your story. With all your hard work you put for your people before Praimfaya, I couldn't believe everything that happened in the bunker.'

'Clarke's friend?' I laughed, 'Friend isn't how I describe our relationship.'

Madi nodded, 'Yeah, she told me everything that happened between you two. How one of her biggest regret was almost shooting you.'

'It wasn't the shooting part that made me mad, it was why she almost did it.' Still until this day, I knew that what Clarke did was wrong; trying to shove everyone out of the bunker including our own people.

Suddenly, a huge siren rang across the whole forest. It sounded like it was coming from the valley, which we were close to.

'Everyone listen up. I need everyone to rush to the transport ship now. There is a missile on the way down here and you guys have nine minutes.' Raven announced.

'Guys we have to hurry.' Bellamy looked back as him and Octavia led the group up to Shallow Valley. Panic flushed when he saw me leaning on Madi. 'Reyes, is it your leg?'

'Yeah, it's bad.' I bit my bottom lip, trying to bare the pain as the stitches were coming out. 'You guys need to go. I'll try to catch up.'

John yelled, walking to my side as he helped me also. 'Are you kidding me? We are all getting to that ship, together.'

Emori watched Madi and John help me walk through the Valley. 'Should you really be helping? Your bullet wound on your arm is still bleeding, John.'

'I'll be fine, Y/N can't even walk.' Him and Madi tried to get me to walk faster but at a pace where I wouldn't be in too much pain. 'Just in case this whole "missile is coming" thing is a trap from McCreary, it'll be better for you, Miller, Echo, Bellamy and Octavia to be in the frontline.'

Echo nodded her head, 'Good idea. Better safe than sorry.'

Bellamy stared at us suspiciously, mostly glaring at Murphy. 'If you are suddenly in pain where you can't help Y/N anymor-'

'I'm not letting anything happen to her.' John muttered as he motioned Bellamy to keep going towards the ship.

'We'll stay back here with you guys in case anything happens.' Harper smiled sweetly, walking along with Monty as we all continued to walk to the ship.

✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤

'Why do you always do this to me?' I mumbled, watching Kane sleeping peacefully on the hospital bed. He had gotten stabbed on the neck by one of Abby's patients from Diyoza's crew. Because of all the blood he lost from it, Kane was now unconscious. 'All the fucked up things you've done to me and I still don't want you dead.'

Even with my tore up leg from getting shot, even when we barely made it to the ship before the nine minute mark, even after all the things that happened between us, I cared about Marcus.

It wasn't fair that I had to feel all these pain when all Marcus did was leave me, just like he left me when I was a kid. All the bond we recreated over the years for him to betray me once again; not once but twice when he allied with Diyoza to destroy Wonkru.

All I wanted was for him to believe me; Trust that I didn't kill those innocent people because I wanted to. It was his girlfriend that blackmailed me to doing things I shouldn't have done. Abby Griffin had all of us wrapped around her dirty finger.

My thoughts were sidetracked when I heard the door open to the nurse room. Thinking it was Abby checking on Marcus, I gave a glare.

Instead it was Raven, standing there with a straight face as if she saw a ghost.

This was the moment I've dreaded since I came out of that bunker; the reunion with my sister after all the horrible things I've done down there.

Staying still on the chair next to Marcus, I didn't move at all. I was too embarrassed to say or do anything in front of her. I felt the judgment in her eyes as she looked at me up and down.

Raven approached me without changing her facial expression, heart beating faster and faster each step she took towards me. I've never been so scared to talk to her, or anyone for that matter.

She kneeled on my level to where I was sitting and then hugged me, 'Y/N... I'm so sorry.'

This wasn't the reaction I was expecting at all from my sister; she held me tightly and sniffles as she started to cry.

'I'm so sorry about everything you've went through. I can't imagine all the pain you're carrying right now.'

'No, no.' I cried with her, knowing that I didn't deserve her sympathy at all. 'Everything was all my fault and it went too far-'

She grabbed onto my cheeks, 'You and Octavia did the best you can. Okay? Things did get out of hand but no one else stood up by your side, like this man right here. Kane was supposed to support you but he didn't. It was just you two leading Wonkru.'

'You two were just kids trying to make it work, thought you did what you had to do. I'm sorry you had to go through that all by yourself. If I had just come back with Murphy and Emori-'

'If you'd gone to the bunker with them two you would've been dead, Raven. You couldn't have fixed yourself if you haven't stayed like you did. You're the last person I'd blame for any of this.'

Raven smiled softly, pulling me in and wrapping her arms around me once again. 'I've missed you so, so much Y/N.'

'I've missed you too, Raven. Thank you for not hating me.' I cried harder, relieved that I didn't lose my sister.

'Nothing could make me hate you, ever. You're the only sister I have. You're family, Y/N.'

✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤

Both of us gossiped about all that things that happened within our lives in the past six years. Hell, more than that because I haven't seen her since she left Arkadia to go find some supplies at Becca's lab.

She even told me about Shaw, one of Diyoza's men that wasn't like the rest of them. Matter of fact, he helped Raven throughout the whole process of trying to get Shallow Valley. Although we failed at that since now were in space once again, he saved our lives from that missile McCreary launched before his death.

It made me happy that Raven found someone after Wick. She had a hard time trusting people and letting them in, after meeting Shaw I knew he was the right guy for her. They were so cute together.

As Raven and I were both giggling, Bellamy saw us from across the hallway. He then smiled and waved at me.

Bellamy checked on my leg as he walked over to us. 'How is your leg?'

'It's better now that I'm not moving too much. I'm more curious of the healing process during cryo. Do you think it'll heal or stay wounded?'

'That's what you're worried about?' Bellamy chuckled and then caressed my cheek. 'You're such a goofball and I've missed that about you, Y/N.'

Not knowing why Murphy and the kiss we shared in the rover was stuck in my head, I shifted my eyes away from him. The guilt was building inside me, even when I wasn't in the wrong at all.

Bellamy and I aren't together anymore, he was in the process of trying to forgive and forget. It was an exciting moment when he told me that but now I'm conflicted in my own heart and mind.

'You alright?' He rubbed my shoulder softly as he looked at me, 'Is it about the Octavia thing still?'

'No, not really. That's between you and her and I should've never butted in. I'm sorry.'

He shook his head, 'You two are really close now and I actually admire that you care so much about her. It's just tough for me to figure her out right now.'

Raven tugged on my shirt from behind. 'Okay Bellamy, time is up. Can I have my sister back?'

'We only got to talk for a few seconds.'

'I haven't seen Y/N since Arkadia burnt to the ground, I win.' Raven smirked, pulling me away from him and walking to the other direction.

'Can I see you before cryo, Reyes? I won't be able to see you for years again.' Bellamy shouted through the hallway.

'Maybe.' Raven responded, giggling as she walked beside me.

Bellamy laughed, 'No. The other Reyes.'

I turned around, flashing a smile towards Bellamy. 'I'll see you later, Blake.'

Raven continued to laugh as we strolled away from him. ‘No thanks to McCreary’s dumbass psycho self, we have to live up in space again.’

‘Live? We’re going to be in cryo for God knows how long.’ I sighed, ‘Finally we get out of this hell hole and now we have to literally start over. For all we know, we will never have a place to live ever again.’

My sister smirked at me, ‘Aw. Are you cranky because you couldn’t spend time with your dear old boyfriend?’ 

Playfully rolling my eyes, I softly hit Raven on her arm. ‘Har, har. And no, we aren’t even dating. Taking things slow.’

Although in my mind, I’m in a weird conflict between having feelings for both Bellamy and John I could never tell Raven. I loved her but I didn’t want to speak of something before I was completely sure of what my heart really wanted. 

Raven smiled, 'You know I'm really glad you and Bellamy patched things up. With the whole Murphy hating, Echo kissing drama that was going on in The Ring, I neve-'

'Echo kissing drama?' I furrowed my eyebrows as I questioned Raven. 'What do you mean?'

'Oh. He never told you.' Raven's smile faded away as she realized that I knew nothing about this situation. 'Harper caught Echo and Bellamy kissing a few times. We don't know if they went all the way bu-'

'A few times?' My heart dropped, not knowing what emotion to feel about this. It was anger for Bellamy but majority was dissapointment and betrayal. It was tiring for me to keep crying over people that seem to not care about me.

Raven grabbed onto my forearm, 'Y/N I'm so sorry I thought you already knew about all of this.'

'No it's not your fault.' I pulled my arm away from her and ran away, embarrassed to cry in front of my sister. I heard Raven call for my name multiple times but I continued to run away, I just wanted to hide from everything and everyone.

"How could Bellamy do this to me?" was all that replayed in my head. Preaching about being for our own people and he couldn't even be there for his own girlfriend.

Why would Bellamy bash me about betrayal when he turned his back against his own girlfriend?

I never wanted to survive Priamfaya; my plan was to stay in Arkadia with Jasper all along until Bellamy changed my mind.

All the pain and suffering I went through in the bunker would've been all avoided if Bellamy never dragged me into surviving for him. The worse six years of my life was for him and he threw it all away.

'Ow my shoulder! I just got shot you know!' John and I bumped into each other as I turned the corner. He saw my face wet from tears and quickly turned to my direction. 'Woah, what's wrong Y/N?'

'Nothing.' I mumbled to myself but John knew it was bullshit.

He pulled me into the room that was right by us, sat down on a chair and sighed. 'Want to try lying to me again?'

All the bullshit Bellamy has been putting me through, I didn't want to repeat again. Thinking about it would've made me angrier and I also didn't want to cry harder in front of Murphy.

Bellamy betraying me hurt me but what was even worst was that he made me feel terrible about the way I acted down at the bunker.

I already knew I was a mess down there, I knew what I did was wrong. Everyday I walked down the halls at the bunker as Skafaiya, I regretted every single thing I've done.

After all the worse things I could possibly do in a life time, John still saw me for who I truely am. He gave me light and hope that I desperately need right now. Especially when I didn't deserve it.

'Did you mean all the things you said about me?' I just wanted the pain to be over; with all the constant backstabbing that was happening around me, I wanted to be with someone that truely cared about me. 'When you said that I'm not a bad guy.'

'Y/N, you're one of the most selfless person I've ever met. You do the things you do because you care about people, I know that and so does Raven.'

Leaning down to the chair, I gave him a kiss. John was highly confused on what was going on, he pulled away. 'Wha- what are you doing?'

'I thought that's what you wanted.' I muttered under my breath.

'So what about Bellamy?'

'What about him?'

John licked his lips and whispered. 'Y/N, if you're fucking with me I swea-'

'I'm not.' I looked into his eyes as I cupped his cheeks. 'I want you, John.'

'Okay... okay.' He nodded as he accepted my kiss this time, gently pulling my body on top of his lap.

It was an odd feeling, being intimate with John again but in a good way. A great way.

All the touches from him I never thought I'd miss, his aggressive but gentle grip was so nostalgic. The more I thought about it, the more I felt like this was supposed to happen. John and I were supposed to be together again.

✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤

tag list; @jodiereedus22, @coffeebooksandfandom, @bellamyblakemorley, @wisestydia-15, @dbtvluv , @hurricane–amelia , @lexalexy , @olkathefoxi, @lena-davina, @kellbell44, @thehakunamatara, @akelly4477, @morgannope, @littlegirl-fox, @captainam-erika-trash, @greygarbage, @nathaliabakes, @eternallyvenus, @rauwz, @broco8, @eridanuswave, @minamisulemisa, @lilacs-lavender

[jbrockwa]

Rorschach: Identity and Humanity

Of all the things Moore’s Watchmen says about such broad topics as fascism, celebrity, and violence, I have always been most interested in what the graphic novel does not say, or rather, what it indirectly suggests through it’s impeccable characterization and imagery. On the surface, Watchmen, while not shy to less-than-subtle political critique, largely functions as a meta picture of comic books. It tackles the implications of overpowered God’s living among us, and more than anything, reveals that their presence would likely change things for the worst. And while undoubtedly portrayed as God’s by some stretched out meaning of the word, Moore’s cast of “hero’s” are often portrayed as more human than those without masks.  What remains the story’s most impressive accomplishment is also one of the story’s most revealing in term’s of developing the character of Rorschach. I am of course referring to the chapter “Fearful Symmetry,” which is almost exactly, you guessed it, symmetrical, not only in it’s paneling and art, but in it’s themes, characterizations, and dialogue. It is nothing short of brilliant. Now while it isn’t until later on that the whole of Rorscach’s life story is unveiled, this chapter tells us a lot more about the character than one would expect. Most significantly, of course, is that we find out that the alter ego of Rorscach is a recurring “doomer” spotted in the background of countless iconic scenes. It’s this really powerful moment, where we find out that the “terror of the underworld” is a short, unstable loner. It re-contextualizes every scene this man was in, because we know who he becomes when story “isn’t” focused on him as a part of the background. What really draws me to this, besides the intricate details laced throughout the story that subtly point to Rorscach’s identity, is the events that unfold at the end of the comic. Rorscach is set-up to make it look as if he killed Jacobi, AKA, Moloc, a now retired supervillain. Rorscach, up until this point, is pretty impeccable in his investigation. He walks away from crime scenes and violent altercations with little regard for his safety, he isn’t afraid of asking “the big questions,” he is unrelentingly brutal in his techniques of interrogation, and he is putting together the pieces of a massive conspiracy pretty effectively, at least by comparison of his former coworkers, who all suspect Rorscach is behaving as per usual with his paranoia. Rorscach likes to think himself the only one who can spot what’s going on, behind all the corruption and lies of society, but that is his major flaw. His insular philosophical mindset doesn’t reflect the real world, and it often leads to him completely disregarding his allegedly unwavering sense of justice.  The “hero,” of the story, the badass detective who talks in a gravelly voice and sees the world for what it is, he is incredibly unstable and consistently espouses reactionary ideas despite claiming he knows the truth, the only path forward for humanity. This man bent on bringing justice to the world, cannot seem to stand humanity at all, and thinks them as inherently vile creatures. He has “lived in the shadows,” his whole life, and from his own perspective, has been surrounded by the dark side of humanity so much so, that he projects his worldview onto his “objective” image of the world, and humans as a whole. His truth is linked to his desire of getting people to stop behaving “filthily” and it’s pretty clear this is driven by bias and personal experiences, that later get touched on. But it is this sort of twisting of the notion of protagonist that I want to focus on here.  If the term “superhero” is at once linked with the idea of a “God” and “humanity,” in Moore’s world, this last page of the chapter is what tells us that. After feeling like he is getting closer to uncovering the details of the Comedian’s murder, Rorschach walks right into a trap. The second he realizes his misstep, we see his inner monologue shift. He isn’t so certain anymore, and he immediately defaults to insulting his own intellect andcgetting angry at himself not being careful enough. For the duration of the police raid, his image as an unstoppable force is torn to shreds. This is shown with really careful jutaposition. First, Rorschach does, to his credit, hold his own initially. He is more skilled using makeshift weaponry than the majority of heavil-armed police squad sent to place him under arrest. He makes a flamethrower out of a can of hairspray, literally materializing things that were not there before, as a literal God would. He takes down the police one by one, and has the advantage over them as he lurks in the shadows, until he needs to escape. 

After plunging two or three stories to the street in an attempt to escape Jacobi’s apartment building, Rorschach shows his first signs of vulnerability. His image as a “god” is challenged. He refuses to believe that he, the objectivist, the only true form of justice in an unjust world, is in pain. He is so enraged by his failure to spot the set-up, that during a time he should be recovering from his injury, he is retroactively tracing his missteps. His ego is getting in the way, and this is clearly a human issue. God’s are allegedly perfect, but Rorschach, like everyone else, sometimes doesn’t see what’s right in front of him. And unlike a god, Rorshach is not impervious to fall damage. The police are as surprised by his human shortcomings as he is; they too expected the image of Rorshach to live up to his mythos.

The next section of panels shows Rorschach’s iconic mask, which is also key here; when an officer kicks it, the shifting black ink, which always moves in a symmetrical pattern, sort of scatters, and upon this disruption, it no longer looks perfectly symmetrical, which is of course to say, Rorschach is no longer maintaining the image of fear that he is known for, he is broken. And while the focus of my post here is not the “underlying queerness” of  Rorschach’s character (a claim which I think is pretty well substantiated), I cannot help but pay attention to the fact that this raid on Rorschach is essentially a “queer beating.” There is a sense of gratification from the officers beating him, as if they’re getting more out of stopping the masked vigilante than merely putting an end to his career. 

Finally, the officers remark about Rorschach’s height, his smell, and his overall un-recognizability. These things are not noticeable, though, on their own, but only in direct contrast to the methods by which Rorschach covers them up. These cops point out the smell, because it is the covering up of a smell that draws their attention. Similarly, they point out that he is a “runt,” not because they see him as short, but because they see him covering his height up with the lift’s he is wearing. The cops would likely not have pointed out that Rorschach was a nobody underneath his mask, if his reputation as the “terror of the underworld” didn’t surpass the reality of his identity. It is in the “covering up” of his humanity, that Rorschach fail’s to become anything more than human. His attempt to surpass humanity, as this objective specter who just lingers in the background, spectating and pontificating on the state of humanity, is largely revealed to be a farce. And it is no accident that Rorschach see’s it the other way around; he believes that Walter is his alter-ego and that the mask he wears is his true face.

[pandastern]

Gravity (Bakugou x OC)

Part 9: Get Well Cards

If youd like to be added to the taglist for upcoming parts please dm me :)

Bakugou x Vigilante!OC

Warnings: angst, explicit language, violence

Word count:   2255

Genre: enemies to lovers ; angst ; romance, slow burn

When a new student makes an entrance, Bakugou has a real bad feeling. There is something about this girl that just doesnt feel right. From the flaming hair to the calculating glint in her green eyes, everything about her just pisses him off.

Little does he know that his fate is intertwined with the person he despises so much, defining his future path in a way he would have never expected

When Artemis awoke, she was only slightly surprised to find herself in the hospital ward still. How long had she been out of it for? She couldn’t tell anymore. Her dreams had remained unforgiving, making her wake up sweat soaked and screaming. The images of the facility and what had happened in USJ had somehow merged in her head into a cocktail of terror, making it impossible for her to lower her own adrenaline levels and relax.

Closing her eyes, Artemis forced herself to breathe deeply. She needed to calm down and focus on reality. After all, couldn’t forget the reason why she’d come to UA in the first place.

The sound of an opening door caught her attention and made her turn towards her new visitor.

“Ah, you’re finally awake, darling,” said a tiny old lady wearing a hero costume and a big smile. Recovery Girl, Artemis guessed. So, she was in fact not in the city hospital, but the school medical wing. Made sense.

“How do you feel?”

Tired. Hurt. Exhausted.

“I’m fine… How long was I out for?” Artemis sat up, unable to stop herself from flinching as a sharp pain shot through her back.

“Three days.” Recovery Girl eyed her carefully before pulling a chair up to her bedside. “You only just escaped death, my dear. It was a terrible incident.”

Artemis’s face betrayed nothing as she stared at her hands. A terrible incident? Is that what they were calling it? Of course. They had to keep face somehow. 

“You’ll be glad to hear that except for you, your classmate Midoriya and your teachers Aizawa and Thirteen, no-one has been injured. You were especially lucky. If the knife had been just a little deeper, it would have punctured your kidney and you would have bled out. It’s a miracle that you were able to fight so long with that kind of wound.”

Artemis swallowed. It had been that bad, huh? She could see the concern in the old lady’s eyes. A miracle... Artemis scoffed silently. No, not a miracle. Just the result of a lifetime of arduous and gruesome training. No matter how hard the fight, her own safety had never mattered. Only the result. Not that Recovery Girl would understand that.

Besides, what other choice did she have? Lie down and wait for death? Rely on others to protect her? No-one had ever protected her from anything.

“Will there be long-term consequences to this wound?” Artemis asked dryly.

She detected a hint of pity in Recovery Girl’s eyes, like she was a child that needed comfort. But Artemis didn’t need sympathy. She wasn’t a child, and she certainly wasn’t about to allow herself to be coddled.

“I was able to heal the wound in your back, but the poison is another story,” said Recovery Girl with a deep sigh. “I wasn’t able to stop the scarring because the poison had already infected the tissue around the wound. The poison itself was rather strong, so I’m afraid it’s going to take a while for your body to fight it off completely. However, I’m confident that you’ll make a full recovery. You just have to take it easy for a while.”

That made sense, Artemis thought. By controlling her own bloodflow, she’d allowed the poison to spread through her body way faster than it normally would have. She groaned and rubbed her eyes.

“So, I have to take it easy for the next couple of days?” she asked

“More like the next couple of weeks.”

“What?!”

Recovery Girl gave Artemis a scolding look. “You escaped death by only a hair’s breadth! Do you really expect to be up and running as normal in just a few days? The only reason we got to you so fast was because of the young boy, Bakugou, who carried you to the medics as soon as he arrived back at the USJ.”

Artemis’s heart jumped. He’d really carried her through the entire facility like that? Most of her memories of that time were so foggy, and yet there were a few details she remembered vividly that haunted like already nightmare-filled dreams.

The fear in his eyes as he’d held her close, like she was made of glass and could burst at any moment. The desperation in his voice, begging her to stay conscious. Artemis couldn’t work out why he’d done that for her. No-one had ever cared about her like that before. Why would anyone ever think her life was important? So long as the job got done, why did it matter?

Recovery Girl cleared her throat, pulling Artemis out of her thoughts.

“Speaking of your friends,” said the old lady in a softer tone, “it seems you gave all of them quite a scare. They came here to visit while you were still sleeping, so I told them to leave the get well cards on your night stand.”

That made Artemis perk up. “Friends?” she asked in confusion. “Get well cards?”

Turning slightly, Artemis spotted a collection of cards and even a basket full of snacks and flowers.

“What on earth?” she mumbled, picking up one of the cards and opening it to find a pretty handwritten note signed from Uraraka. The next one was from Midorya. There were others from Iida, Kirishima, Sero and even Kaminari. All of her classmates had taken the time to write a little something for her, wishing her a swift recovery.

Artemis wasn’t sure how to feel about this. They barely knew her. Why would they take the time to do such a thing?

“You look confused, darling.” Recovery Girl laughed softly. “Aren’t you happy that your friends have been thinking of you?”

Staring at the hero in front of her, Artemis blinked and looked over the cards again. “I wasn’t even aware that I had friends. Why would they give me all this stuff?”

Recovery Girl stared at her, a little bewildered. She chuckled softly. “Oh, silly girl. It’s because they’re your friends and worried about your wellbeing, of course!”

After a few more tests, Recovery Girl left Artemis alone to pack up. Despite the old lady’s concern, she’d insisted she be discharged early so she could go back to class. Artemis hated hospitals. They always reminded her of that god forsaken shithole she’d crawled out of. 

So, after she’d been forced to promise not to partake in any kind of combat until she was completely healed, Artemis was released. After she’d put her few belongings into her backpack, she emptied the basket her friends had brought her. She still couldn’t understand what all the fuss was about. She’d only exchanged a few words with most of her classmates so far. So why had they gone through this trouble? It was a weird thought.

While sorting through the gifts, Artemis noticed a small balled up piece of paper that had fallen to the ground. It looked like a page ripped out of a notebook.

Slowly, she leaned down, pick it up and unfurled it. The words that stared up at her were written in a messy scrawl.

Don’t fucking die.

Several other things had been scribbled across the paper, but whoever had written them had scratched them out so aggressively she couldn’t even begin to read what they said.

The three simple words screamed ‘Bakugou’, but she quickly put that thought out of her head. There was no way he’d write her a note, was there? Then again, he’d said those same words while carrying her through the USJ…

Again, her heart jumped in a way she couldn’t explain.

If Artemis thought the get well cards were confusing, then she was not prepared for the reaction of her classmates when she showed up for the next class.

The moment she entered the room, the whole class swarmed her, asking her how she felt and if she was okay. Kaminari even tried to take her backpack from her, though she quickly refused him.

It took a lot out of Artemis to smile and entertain her classmates’ concerns, trying her best not to look uncomfortable. She didn’t know how to handle this kind of attention and a part of her regretted having not gone straight home.

The class finally quieted down when a heavily bandaged Aizawa showed up. Artemis couldn’t believe that this man had dragged his arse to school, despite looking barely held together by a few stitches. So, 

Recovery Girl hadn’t joked around when she’d said that her teachers had gotten it bad, though she couldn’t help but respect his dedication to his work. 

Walking to her seat, she noticed a pair of eyes following her through the room. Bakugou was the only one who hadn’t come up to greet her. He sat at the back, his feet kicked up on his desk, watching her.

In any other circumstance, Artemis would have thrown a snarky remark his way, but something inside stopped her. If what Recovery Girl had told her was true, then she owed him one. Not to mention that note…

Raising her hand, she awkwardly waved at him. He scoffed and looked away.

Artemis took her seat and kept her eye facing the front. So, he was back to sulking again. Fine. She knew they’d been forced to cooperate at the USJ, but she couldn’t help but feel… disappointed.

Aizawa took his place at his desk and started the lesson with his signature big sigh.

“All right class. In two weeks, the school will hold its annual sports festival. As you all know, this is a lifetime opportunity for all of you, so I expect you all to give your absolute best!” he said while flipping through some papers. “Many high-ranking heroes will be in attendance to scout out newcomers, so take this competition seriously.”

“Is that really a good idea? After all, we were just attacked by villains,” Kaminari blurted out. “What if it happens again?”

A wave of whispers swept through the class. Artemis couldn’t blame them. Such a spectacle involved them putting their skills out in the open for everyone to see. It was the perfect invitation for more trouble, sooner or later.

“There will be additional security for the whole event. Apparently, the school thinks it’s best to show off to prove these grounds are safe.”

Even Artemis was able to hear that scoff. Of course, UA would have that attitude. Who cared about kids getting attacked when your image was on the line, right?

For the rest of the class, she just zoned out. She didn’t particularly care for the sports festival, but she’d take part. After all, she needed to pass this school for her own reasons.

When everyone was finally dismissed and all her classmates started to pack up, chattering excitedly about the upcoming competition, Artemis could just think about getting some peace and quiet. Perhaps she’d go up to the rooftop and rest for a bit, far away from the eyes that kept looking her over with unnecessary concern.

She grabbed her stuff quickly and stood up, ready to sneak out before anyone could swoop in and ask her to lunch, but Aizawa stepped in front of her just before she reached the door.

“Ms Moon. I’d like a word with you.”

Of course. She felt her already-sour mood drop a few notches. Was he really going to lecture her about what had happened at the USJ when he himself looked like a poor excuse of a mummy?

“Of course, sir,” she said, crossing her arms. “What do you want to talk about?”

Once everyone else was gone, Aizawa sat down at his desk and looked up at her. His face was impassive behind his bandages, betraying nothing of what was to come next.

“I’ve read the report of the USJ incident. How are you feeling now?” he asked.

“I’m fine. There’s nothing to worry about,” said Artemis.

“I see. Recovery Girl is of the opinion that I should exclude you from the sports festival due to the injuries you’ve sustained,” said Aizawa. His eyes searched hers, though for what, she couldn’t tell.

Artemis grit her teeth. “There’s no need for that. I’m perfectly fine and don’t need special treatment. My injury’s almost healed. Besides, we still have two weeks left, right? I want to compete.”

“Well, you do seem pretty adamant,” Aizawa replied sceptically.

“I am. I don’t need to be coddled, Mr Aizawa. I think I’ve proven that I’m much tougher than I may look.”

All this fuss over a stab wound, Artemis though. All she wanted was be left alone to get on with her life. She didn’t need anyone to baby her.

Aizawa raised his eyebrows as he shuffled the papers on his desk. “All right, I’ll let you take part. However, I expect you to use these two weeks to recover. If I see any signs that you’re not up to giving one hundred percent, I will take you out of the festival. In the meantime, you are not to attend combat training classes, though I’ll allow you to watch. Is that clear?”

His words sounded final. Even if she’d wanted to, Artemis doubted she could change. Besides, she could always train in her own time. Nobody would be standing over her shoulder constantly, policing her movements like at school.

“I understand, sir.”

Aizawa tilted his chin up. “Good.”

Artemis turned to leave. She was yearning for some sort of peace and quiet… and perhaps a big can of energy drink, as well.

[betweengenesisfrogs]

The Future of This Blog: A Retrospective, Or: Dubiously Useful Notes on the Epilogues

Q: What’s next for this blog?

Q: Are you going to discuss the Epilogues?

A: Good questions!!!

The Epilogues may have killed me. They resemble two dogs who each put a sword through my chest and slew me with a Heroic death and a Just one, respectively. They are unfathomably powerful and should be feared by all. Genesis frogs lie destroyed in their wake.

I say this as someone who genuinely adores them and thinks they’re great. (For the most part, with a few frustrations and quibbles. I guess that’s Homestuck in a nutshell for you. ) I think they do amazing things.

I just don’t know what I want to say about them, or indeed, if I have anything to say.

Mainly, it’s that, as I suspected would happen, the landscape of Homestuck analysis has changed in their wake.

The original impetus for this blog, back in 2017, was that people were Wrong About Homestuck. People are still Wrong About Homestuck today, but in a totally different way, which I feel less equipped to engage with.

For the last few years, I think my primary motivation was to argue against what the Perfectly Generic Podcast has called “The It’s Not That Deep Crowd.” Those who saw Homestuck, especially Act 6, as meaningless random mess, or a failure born of creator laziness. My goal was to counter that by articulating the many themes and conceptual threads that give structure to Act 6 Homestuck, so that people would recognize how much is going on within it. In doing this, I grew to align myself with Team Homestuck is Good. I do think late Homestuck is much more good than bad, but in retrospect that wasn’t really what drove me. What drove me was frustration at the It’s Not That Deep Crowd (which was strongly aligned with Team Homestuck is Bad) for their refusal to engage with Homestuck, to recognize that it was trying to do specific, deliberate things. I would have welcomed someone saying that Homestuck ultimately failed, if they were willing to take on the complexity of that failure, but no one seemed to.

So I wrote a whole bunch of essays, some better than others, to try and get a sense of Homestuck’s thematic complexity out into the world somehow. I’d like to think I succeeded, though of course I wasn’t the only one.

Things are very different now, Post-Epilogues. The border lines of the fandom have totally shifted. First, the It’s Not That Deep Crowd have been pretty exhaustively refuted, in part because the Epilogues established from the get-go that, yes, we were indeed dealing with themes of metafiction, fandom, demiurgic oppression and personal potential. At the same time, many of those who were on Team Homestuck is Bad totally warmed to the Epilogues and returned to the fandom, while some part of those who were beating the drum for Homestuck is Good had a strongly negative reaction to the Epilogues, and now comprise Team Epilogue Bad.

I’m delighted by the former and wistful though not surprised about the latter. I’m just not sure how to engage with the new place we’re in. Previously, I felt I could explain things people didn’t understand, and help them more deeply appreciate Homestuck.

With the Epilogues, it’s more like: either you’re into it, or you’re not. There are things you have to think about quite a bit to understand, true, but I also think there are people who get what the Epilogues are going for and just don’t enjoy it.

Honestly? I find that completely understandable. As I alluded to above, the Epilogues carry an unfathomably powerful destructive, negative energy. They are meant as a provocation, a violent act of storytelling that Hussie codes Meat (okay, also Candy) and likes to do after a pause of any significant length. They deliberately tear down many of our hopes and dreams for these characters and offer a contrary opinion. I admire the audacity. I’m also completely sympathetic to being horrified by this.

The night the full epilogues came out, I finished them late in the evening and spent the whole night wrestling with a powerful, dark emotion. A kind of grief and awe and horror, all at the same time. It took me a long time to fall asleep, and when I slept, they were very uneasy dreams. In the weeks that followed, I remember thinking, over and over: I’m glad I gave this time to Homestuck, but I need a long, long break from it. I loved the Epilogues, but I don’t think I could ever read them again. I felt utterly full of Homestuck, and wanted not to write, think, or do anything more with it for a long time, until I finally digested the darn thing.

So, about how you’d feel if you gorged yourself on a hundred pounds of candy and raw meat in one night.

Others seem to have reported similar experiences. Dirk’s words about Detective Pony: a gripping, cathartic read, draining in the best way possible—these come to mind. I’m not surprised that fandom reactions have been so passionate, so overwhelmed, and so vehement.

So I find it harder to be critical of Team Epilogue Bad than Team Homestuck Bad. I think I understand exactly where they’re coming from. I may not see the Epilogues quite the same way, but I don’t really feel the need to tell these folks they’re wrong, either.

Weirdly, that means I don’t feel as strong a need to talk about the Epilogues. The ideas I wanted to put out there are out there. What there is to say about the Epilogues has already been said, by people who’ve said these things much better than I could. It feels like the community doesn’t need me anymore. My work here is done.

So I don’t know how much I’m going to continue writing here. This coincides with a drop-off in my internet activity in general and with me putting more effort into personal career goals. Plus, a break from Homestuck has felt like the right thing for the last month, and may be the right thing for a while.

Probably what’s most likely though, is that I keep reblogging the most interesting essays on Homestuck, and maybe offer my own opinion occasionally, in a much more scattershot, spur-of-the-moment way than before, if I feel like I have something to say.

I do have an additional short-ish Epilogue thought coming later today, for instance, so look forward to that.

The last thing I want to say here is: if you’ve chosen to declare the Epilogues non-canon, to erase them from your idea of Homestuck, and keep creating your own worlds, futures, and afterlives for these characters—

Not only do I support that, I think that might be precisely the point.

The Epilogues begin with a detailed discussion of the ambiguous and contested relationship they have to previous Homestuck canon, and are described as being “of dubious authenticity.” They are, explicitly, Homestuck fanfiction, while also being a continuation of the story. There’s really nothing else like them in literature. Sure, the Meat timeline is described as “canon” by merit of its connections to the Lord English story, but the bizarre, fanfic-like Candy timeline is entangled with it, as are all other possible realities. Ultimately the word canon ceases to mean “what is real within a given story” and becomes something far stranger and much more ambiguous.

How do we determine what’s real/canonical within Homestuck? It’s just as Rose teaches us: it’s what’s true, essential, and relevant. In other words, what is meaningful to us as readers. So, by definition, the Epilogues are as real as you want them to be.

I wrestled a lot with the discrepancy between the darkness of the Epilogues and the utopian, transcendent Gnostic themes that permeate Act 6 Homestuck. I think the answer is this: the utopia, the transcendence for these characters lie largely in what we, the readers imagine for them.

As writers and artists and fanfiction readers, we have always created the futures for these beloved characters, and that’s exactly what we’ll continue to do.

I mean, the Epilogues themselves are fanfiction, created by fans, presenting us with two very provocative AUs. It’s hard to get more fan-made than that.

It’s a nice way of solving the problem I alluded to here. Homestuck gets to have it both ways, and so do we.

I leave you with my favorite example of fan-created transcendence, The Pumpkin Path, currently available as a draft on OptimisticDuelist’s Patreon and hopefully everywhere soon.

If you’re interested in deepening your understanding of the Epilogues (love them or hate them), OptimisticDuelist and the Perfectly Generic Podcast continue to do amazing work carrying the Homestuck conversation into the future, and following them will connect you to a rich, thriving Homestuck interpretive community. For now, I’m more than happy to leave the conversation in their hands.

See you when I see you!

As always, thanks for playing.

<3 Ari

[prettywordsyouleft]

The Sex Contract - Chapter 18

Genre: friends to lovers au / friends with benefits / mature content / romance / angst

Characters: Shim Changmin x Kaia Ashton (OC)

A/N: Due to the overwhelming request I have followed your encouragement to bring back one of my older stories. This was back in a time where OCs were everything and writing one chapter in each main’s point of view was the trend. I hope that even though I have edited this drastically, that you can appreciate this story comes from my older style of writing. I definitely still read this often and find it enjoyable so I hope you will too.

Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 - FINAL

Chapter 18 – Kaia’s POV.

It was irrational and fully based on emotions but Kaia promptly decided she couldn’t stay anymore. She took one look around her and went straight for her luggage bag, hoisting it up onto the bed and started to messily pack her belongings into it. The tears soon came and her stomach was eating at itself with guilt. Kaia knew she couldn’t take it anymore; she couldn’t be here watching Changmin live the way he was, remaining oblivious to how she felt. Kaia knew she could tell him but the reality of that was harsh, it was impossible for Changmin to date her. Kaia’s only option was to get out of this contract and hope one day that their friendship would return.

For now though, she needed to escape. After finishing her packing, she tried to quietly depart the apartment, opting to carry the heavy luggage bag so its wheels didn’t sound across the wooden floors. Kaia made it to the front door, and after slipping her feet into her shoes, she opened it. Once out in the hallway, she briskly made her way out of the building, hoping no one had heard her departure. With a final look up at the complex, Kaia wiped away her tears and started dragging her luggage down the still bustling sidewalk. Her pace dwindled, and she eventually found a bench to sit down on. Kaia didn’t know what her next move was. If she went home now, she would be in trouble for not finishing her report of TVXQ’s trip to Japan. However, her front row journalism would be difficult to achieve considering she had decided to avoid Changmin. Lowering her head, she let out a defeated sigh. The contract had damaged so much and they had both been oblivious to the destruction in its path. All the little comments Yunho had been making clicked in her head, and Kaia wondered why the warning bells hadn’t gone off earlier. He had been able to see the outcome before anyone else.

Pulling out her phone, Kaia was slightly relieved that her departure hadn’t been detected after all. Dialling a familiar number, she listened to it ring a couple of times. The recipient cleared his throat before answering. Taking a shallow breath, Kaia played with the handle on my bag. “Jae, I have to leave Tokyo but I hope we can meet in Korea sometime.”

“Tell me where you are? Are you at the airport?!” He was suddenly alert and Kaia grimaced, wondering if it had of better to just text the Korean. Smiling, she knew that there would have been no way to escape Jaewon easily either way. “Kaia?!”

“I’m sitting on a bench on the sidewalk. But I could meet you at our Starbucks?” she answered after a bit and could hear that he was moving quickly around his room.

“I’ll be there, don’t leave until I am, okay?” The phone call clicked off and Kaia slowly got to her feet, heading to the coffee shop she now knew how to get to without little trouble. By the time she reached it, Kaia was surprised to see Jaewon already sitting inside the coffee shop, his dark eyes relaxing when he caught sight of her. She was slightly taken back by his reaction but smiled never the less. Making her way over to the table, she sat down and scooted her luggage bag as close as she could.

“Sorry for getting you up out of bed, I felt I should let you know that I’m heading back to Korea,” I explained and Jaewon nodded.

“When do you leave?”

“I just booked a flight whilst coming over here, it leaves at five-thirty AM.” Kaia sighed and gave a weak smile. Jaewon eyed her curiously.

“Did something happen with that musician you’re here with?”

She shook her head. “Not much, I just can’t hack this lifestyle. And to be honest I actually miss Seoul.”

“You’re running away.” He raised an eyebrow at her. “And you like the guy you came with, but he obviously hasn’t noticed you like that so you can’t handle living his lifestyle when he won’t live yours a little too.”

Kaia blinked, wondering how Jaewon had picked all that up without her even mentioning it. She let out a little laugh, hoping it didn’t sound as phony as it did to her own ears. Kaia pointed at Jaewon and wagged her index finger at him. “Have you been watching Korean dramas, Jae? This is the real world, I wouldn’t even dream of thinking I could get with Ch-- my friend.”

“Well, I’ll miss ya, its been fun having you tag along with promotions. You will keep in contact right? So many people say they will, but then never do.”

“Jaewon.” Kaia smiled warmly and nodded. “How could I forget my hero? Course I’ll keep in contact.”

“Email me your home address,” he instructed and she looked at him weirdly. He smirked and leaned over the table towards her. “So I can come stalk you.”

“You would,” Kaia replied with a chuckle and he laughed with her. She sighed a moment later. “Thanks for everything though Jae, I-”

He shook his index finger. “Don’t make the mood sad again, or I will worry and press you for all the details.”

“Alright, I promise. After this drink, I should make my way to the airport though.”

“Well, let’s make this drink last,” he said with another laugh and launched into conversation.

By the time Kaia reached the airport, the comfort of Jaewon’s company was slowly wearing off. She kept checking her watch for the time and not because she was worried about her flight. She had worked out that Changmin and Yunho would wake up half an hour before the boarding time and although she had estimated it nearly impossible for either of them to make it to the airport, Kaia was still paranoid that they would try and respond before she left for Korea.

Now, who’s the one thinking of Korean drama scenes? Kaia thought in attempts to calm down. She even let out a little laugh; the idea of Changmin coming after her did seem highly unlikely. But there was a tiny part of her, foolish to even think of it, that wanted him to realise her feelings and to chase after her.  Sighing heavily, Kaia knew that would never happen. Even if he wanted to, he wasn’t just Shim Changmin, but Choikang Changmin, one half of TVXQ. The idea became depressing as the time went by. Blinking back her tears, Kaia tried to focus on something to make the wait speed up. After sending a text to Keith and Sungra about returning home, she attempted to play a game on the device and failed to play it correctly. Eventually frustrated, Kaia shoved the phone in her pocket, folding her arms across her chest.

Looking up at the overhead screen, Kaia noticed the plane was open for boarding and got to her feet, heading for the boarding gate. The hostess bowed at her lightly and she handed over her ticket and passport. Kaia barely listened to what she had to say, her eyes looking around the terminal. It was busy, as expected of any airport, but within the sea of faces, she didn’t see any familiar ones. Kaia almost laughed out loud at her foolishness and took my passport back before heading through the doors. She didn’t stop walking until she was in the lounge, taking a heavy seat on a cushioned bench. Kaia regulated her breathing, trying to wrestle with the scolding her rational mind was giving. Just as she was calming down, Kai heard her phone go off, and she froze for a moment, before scrambling for the device in her pocket.

Unlocking it, she was instantly let down when she saw it was from Jaewon. Kicking herself again, Kaia opened the message and blinked several times. Her frazzled mind re-read the simple sentence several times before she took a really good look at it. 

Jaewon: Kaia, I really like you. I hope we can meet up in Korea soon. Jae x

“What is up with today?” She murmured as realisation hit that Jaewon meant he liked her more than a friend. She couldn’t help but smile, imagining how awkward he would be feeling and fretting over getting a response. She realised at that she liked him too. Although Kaia was so wrapped up in her feelings for Changmin, rational thoughts started to occur. She enjoyed Jaewon’s company and found him attractive. He was available to give her more time of the day than Changmin ever would. And he didn’t want her for just sex. The idea of Jaewon’s confession became more appealing by the minute and she was soon grinning, wondering how she should respond. Kaia hesitated for a moment, knowing that things could get tricky for her if he found out about Changmin.

He’s unattainable. You could be with someone who wants you for more than physical needs. Kaia smiled as the thought firmly stamped out her doubts and texted Jaewon back, telling him she was looking forward to meeting with him again.

She boarded the plane with a new resolve to her needs.

“Where are the tears eh? Here I was expecting a friend who looked like a mess after the text I received telling me to come and pick you up four days ahead of schedule.”

“Thanks for the welcome home Keith,” Kaia mentioned as the man who had stepped forth to hug her pulled away. She gave him a strong look. “You’ve lost weight.”

“Fretting over you being in Japan, of course.”

“Hah.” Kaia glanced around her friend and blinked a couple of times, noticing for the first time that Sungra had accompanied him to pick her up. They shared a look before she lurched forward, Kaia’s arms soon clinging to Sungra’s petite frame. Kaia started to cry, a wave of nostalgia hitting her. She had missed Sungra more than she had realised.

“I’m sorry,” Sungra said as the tears slowed down and Kaia looked at her best friend and shook her head.

“No, that’s my line, I’m sorry I was such a shit friend. I should have told you, I was just-”

“Scared that I’d put you into a difficult position, I know.” Sungra smiled. “You were right not to you know, I probably would have asked you to let me meet them just once.”

“Can we still do that?” Keith asked with a grin and Kaia shoved him playfully. “No I’m serious; I’d love to say I met a God.”

“Shush you, let Kai relax first before we ask her for all the goss.”

Kaia groaned and started rolling her suitcase to the exit. “Do I really have to? It’s bad enough I have to face Minah and tell her that I’m unable to finish my job.”

“Minah already knows you’re back in Korea too.”

Kaia gasped and looked at Keith, clamping her eyes shut and stopping in her tracks. Sungra laughed heartily. “Kaia Ashton, you will forever be the most dramatic person I know.”

“I don’t want to get fired from two jobs!” Kaia wailed and then cringed as she felt both of her friends grab an arm each.

“First, we’re going to get some decent coffee. Secondly, you are going to tell us everything this time. No details are to be left out, understand?” Keith and Sungra were both looking at her sternly and Kaia sighed, nodding her head.

She just wondered how she was going to explain the mess she had left behind.

_________________

Part 19

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[techcouncilglobal]

How Can Artificial Intelligence Help Shape the Future of the Country?

Artificial intelligence has advanced rapidly, from self-driving cars to home voice automation. Artificial intelligence certification isn't just a sci-fi movie or book concept anymore. The future of artificial intelligence is rapidly approaching. It is faster than predicted in the critically acclaimed film "Minority Report," which takes place in the year 2054. In many fields, artificial intelligence will outperform humans. Tasks include things like interpreting languages, writing school assignments, selling items, writing a best-selling book, and performing operations.

All of these assumptions are correct, according to a study conducted by academics at the University of Oxford. In the coming years, artificial intelligence will become an indispensible part of our daily lives. Super-intelligent computers will outperform humans in terms of intelligence. In this post, we will examine how the country's future will evolve with the help of Artificial Intelligence.

Artificial Intelligence in the Workplace

Businesses are utilising artificial intelligence to increase employee productivity. The advantage of Artificial Intelligence training for businesses is that it automates repetitive processes across the organisation. Employees will be able to devote more time to innovative ideas, complex problem solving, and high-impact work as a result of this. A chatbot is a real-world example of this. Technological advancements will also have an impact on the business world. The future workplace will not only be global, but also highly adaptable.

Work from home will become the new norm, with more online conferences and discussions. As a result, demand for industrial real estate would be reduced.

Artificial Intelligence Applications in Banking and Financial Services

The most promising future path for banking is certification in Artificial Intelligence (AI). This is due to the fact that it provides better data insights to help prevent fraud and increase compliance.

Chatbots, or artificial intelligence assistants, use AI to provide individualised financial advice. In addition, data is analysed in order to provide quick, self-help consumer assistance. In the financial sector, it is becoming easier to detect and deter fraud. It's all because technology is becoming more efficient and sophisticated. Artificial Intelligence Systems, for example, can help with high-frequency trading, better customer service, and matter-of-fact decision making. All of this is made possible by rapidly processing massive amounts of data.

Ecommerce and the Application of Artificial Intelligence

Other than automated shipping, artificial intelligence is being used in e-commerce. It also includes realistic scenarios like virtual shelves that can be customised based on data-defined personas. Some people may have associated changing rooms with displays. And with a lot more customizability based on previous history and fashion. All of this relieves the stress that comes with purchasing decisions.

Artificial Intelligence's Application in the Entertainment Industry

Artificial intelligence developers will be able to predict our preferences. It will, however, forecast our emotions and display content accordingly in the coming days. In the long run, virtual reality-enabled sci-fi films and games could be considered entertainment.

The E&M industry in the United States is expected to reach $760 billion in sales by 2021, with a Cagr of 3.5 percent.

The Application of Artificial Intelligence in Healthcare

More than 84 percent of medical errors are easily avoidable. AI developers will be crucial in this regard. The potential of artificial intelligence in medicine represents a step toward democratising healthcare, which benefits both patients and medical professionals. Through the use of Artificial Intelligence-based predictive treatment, this will also reduce costs and improve accuracy. The use of predictive analytics in conjunction with artificial intelligence can aid in the understanding of the human body.

It will also be able to provide preventative medications to alleviate symptoms before they deteriorate. When it comes to providing better patient care, AI certification will undoubtedly change the game. There is a lot of research being done to develop AI-powered products to help doctors diagnose and treat patients.

The Implementation of Artificial Intelligence in Education

The virtual classroom is the future of educational technology. Several extremely interesting courses are currently available on platforms. All of these things can be done at any time and from any location. Artificial intelligence may be used by teachers and educational institutions to create administrative tasks.

Automation of paperwork classification and handling is possible with the use of Artificial Intelligence certification. Thanks to the AId of Artificial Intelligent technologies, teaching will be reinvented from the comfort of one's own home. They can also tailor it to each student's specific needs.

Conclusion:

So those are some forecasts for how AI certification will affect our future in various fields. Artificial intelligence-powered medical systems may one day be able to predict when a patient is most likely to develop a chronic condition. Educators clearly devote a significant amount of time to grading tests, assessing assignments, and responding to students.

[gryphonablaze]

Heeeeey guess who made a miraculous ladybug world oc that nobody asked for? That’s right, it’s me! so first it requires a second coming of timetagger, nothing major, just takes a hostage through time, that hostage being ya girl Elizabeth at age ten, back to the first century. Bunnix and bug and cat go on a time travel rescue mission. They get to the correct time, not the place, but by the (short) time they get to the place, timetagger is. Shall we say. Not in one piece, anymore. And the kid is nowhere to be seen. So after some time jumping shenanigans, it’s only abt five years after the initial incident where they actually manage to find the kid again. Anyway turns out in that time she was adopted by a Celtic Gaul warrior queen and now Elisabeth, who is Eilinora now, is basically a warrior princess. They only find her because she goes on a big bloody rampage because her adoptive warrior queen mom was killed in battle. They find her, and since she was ten when she got timezapped, she still remembers the modern world and (vaguely) remembers who they are. *through tears* ‘I suppose it’s time to go home now, huh? Well. With her gone, I suppose there’s nothing in this time worth staying for anymore. Let’s go.’ Anyway it’s a tad awkward for ellie’s og mom to receive a badass, mildly battle scarred fifteen year old warrior princess the day after her ten year old daughter disappears, but hey, I mean, she’s back. And it’s not like Ellie isn’t glad to be back either, she missed her mom. But now she misses her other mom, too. anyway, who gets all teary and decides to get the kid a surprise? bunnix goes back in time again, and in warrior mom’s would-be last moments, explains, ‘hey you’re abt to die. Remember that weird world your kid was talking about when she was little? It’s real. I can time travel you there with minimal damage to the integrity of reality if we fake your death here.’ she’s like ‘ok cool let’s go. I’d rather live the rest of my life in a strange world I only know a toe bit about than not live the rest of it at all.’ so Ellie gets BOTH moms back. And at the end? ‘since I must give up the life of a warrior, I ought to pass this on to you.’ She gives Ellie her cloak pin that she never ever ever went without. And what is it but another lost miraculous! Since it’s established that there are different sets of miraculous in different places, I figured why can’t there be some from Western Europe/and/or/Mediterranean whatever? Turns out tone of this miraculous’s previous holders may have gone by the name of Artemis. No idea where her brother apollo’s miraculous went, but meh, whatever. Anyway. Squad has a new member. 

Couldn’t decide on the color of the fabric, and the ‘mask’ isn’t a physical mask, it’s like facepaint. The weapon is a bow, the kwami’s name is Luna, the phrase is ‘the hunt is on/the hunt is off,’ the superpower’s activation phrase is ‘to the hunt,’ and it lets her track anyone’s past movements. She can also ‘switch trails’ like if person a crosses paths with person b she can switch to tracking person b’s trail. This can lead her to where a person is, or where a person’s been, and who they’ve interacted with, but can’t detect nonliving things or what the person was doing. 

[tak4hir0]

Artificial Intelligence is already impacting Manufacturing, Retail, Marketing, Healthcare, Food industries and more. Today we will take an in-depth look at another industry, that with proper AI expertise from development companies could be disrupted.  Transportation is an industry that helps humanity with moving people their belongings from one location to the other. While doing that, this industry had experienced countless twists, turns, breakthroughs, and setbacks to get to the place where it is now. The year 1787 was the defining one for this industry because steamboat was introduced and changed everything. Transportation was not limited by the animal-drawn carts anymore. Years later more inventions followed like bicycles, trains, cars, and planes.  In the year 2019, we have another milestone reached - vehicles can now move and navigate without human assistance at all. Recent technological advancements made it possible. Of course, one of these technologies is Artificial Intelligence, which already helps transportation lowering carbon emissions and reducing financial expenses.  We already can say, that AI successfully transferred from Sci-Fi movies and TV shows to become our reality, despite many of us still don’t realize it. AI provides machines with human intelligence, to a certain degree, of course. Machines now can mimic humans, automate tasks, and learn from experience. Repetitive tasks can now be easily handled by machines. The learning feature will eventually lead AI to take on critical-thinking jobs and make informed and reasonable decisions. The world is watching, that’s why there are major investments going into the transportation sector. P&S Intelligence predicts that the global market for AI in transportation will reach 3.5 billion dollars by the year 2023. How did it get to that point? Let’s look at history.  History of AI in Transportation: Self-Driving Cars In the 1930s there were the first mentions of self-driving cars concepts, in science fiction books of course. Since the 1960s AI developers were dealing with the challenge to build them, and while in the 2000s there were autonomous vehicles on Mars, self-driving cars were still prototypes in laboratories. So many factors occur on the road like traffic and actions of pedestrians, that what made driving in the city complex.  While in 2000 some prototypes existed, there were few predictions they would get to mass production by 2015. However, in 2004 the very fast progress in Machine Learning for perception tasks and the evolution of the industry launched speedy progress which ultimately led us to this point. Google’s autonomous vehicles and Tesla’s semi-autonomous cars are already on the streets now. Google’s cars logged 300,000 miles without an accident and a total of 1,500,000 miles without any human input at all.  Tesla is offering the self-driving capability to existing cars with the software update but this approach is questionable. The problem with semi-autonomous that human drivers are expected to engage when they are most needed, but they tend to rely too much on AI capabilities. This led to the first traffic fatality with an autonomous car in June 2016, which brought attention to this problem.  Very soon sensing algorithms will surpass greatly human capabilities necessary for driving. Automated perception is already close to human’s, for recognition and tracking. Algorithm improvements in higher-level reasoning will follow, leading to a wide adoption of self-driving cars in 2020.  While autonomous vehicles are the major part of our topic, there are more use cases we can talk about.  AI in Transportation Examples While the level of adoption of Artificial Intelligence in different industries and countries varies, there is no denying that technology is a perfect fit for transportation. Look at the following examples.  1. Public Transportation of the Passengers and Traffic Management Companies around the world are already starting to implement autonomous buses to the infrastructure of the city, the best-known cases are from China, Singapore, and Finland. But different city infrastructures, weather conditions, road surfaces, etc., make AI applications of autonomous buses very dependent on the environment.  Local Motors from the United States of America presented Olli - an electric shuttle that doesn’t need a driver. This company provides low volume manufacturing of the open-source vehicle design, relying on the variety of the micro-factories. Watson Internet of Things (IoT) for Automotive from IBM is the heart of the processes in Olli. The smart electric shuttle can transport people to the requested places, giving comments on local sights and answer questions on how it operates. There were five APIs from Watson IoT for Automotive platform: Text to Speech, Speech to Text, Entity Extraction, Conversation, and Natural Language Classifier.  Artificial Intelligence is already implemented in resolving the problems in traffic control and traffic optimization area. More than that, we can also trace some use cases, were AI is dealing with prediction and detection of traffic accidents and conditions. This is achieved by combining traffic sensors and cameras.  Surtrac from Rapid Flow is originated from the Robotics Institute at Carnegie Mellon University. Surtrac system was first tested in the Pittsburgh area. The idea of this system is installing a network of nine traffic signals in the three biggest roads. The reported results are: the reduction of the travel time by more than 25% and wait times by 40%. After this success, the local Pittsburgh government joined forces with Rapid Flow install up to 50 traffic signals to other parts of the city.  2. Autonomous Trucks Stricter emission regulations from the government and environmental challenges are forcing the industry to change. The International Transport Forum (ITF) reports that using autonomous trucks will save costs, improve road safety and lower emissions.  A startup called Otto (now known as Uber Advanced Technologies Group after the $680 million purchase in 2017) was responsible for the first-ever delivery by autonomous truck in 2016. The truck was delivering 50,000 cans of Budweiser for the 120 miles distance. A Chinese startup TuSimple performed a level 4 test of the driverless truck for 200 miles in 2015. The truck’s system was trained using deep learning, simulating tens of millions of miles.  3. Railway Cargo Transportation General Electric has presented smart locomotives, to boost overall efficiency and the economic benefits of their rail transport solutions. GE’s locomotives are equipped with sensors and cameras, which gathers data for a Machine Learning application. The information is aggregated on the edge gateway, providing decision-making in real-time. General Electric already improved speed and accuracy in detecting things. Their first project resulted in a 25% reduction in locomotive failure.  Benefits of AI in Transportation So here are some benefits that could come from implementing Artificial Intelligence in the transportation industry: Public safety - smart real-time crime data tracking is one of the ways to improve the safety of the passengers while using trains or buses.  Improved planning - accurate prediction techniques could benefit road freight transport system, forecasting their volume using AI. Artificial Intelligence also can be used here for decision-making, introducing certain Machine Learning tools.  Pedestrian safety - the path of cyclists and pedestrians could be predicted using AI. This will lead to a decrease in traffic injuries and accidents.  Traffic flow control - AI will help to reduce congestion and streamline traffic patterns. More than that, real-time tracking can help to control traffic patterns more effectively.  Future of AI in transportation In 2016 a call of proposals was released by the United States Department of Transportation (USDoT), asking medium-size cities to start imagining smart city infrastructure for transportation. The best city to do that is planned to receive 40 million dollars for the demonstration of AI potential in their city. Meanwhile, the US transportation research board claims that there following application of AI on transportation is emerging: city infrastructure design and planning, demand modeling for cargo and public transport and travel behavioral models. However, one of the major restraints of innovation is the privacy issue. Government and legal regulations could limit the speed of innovation and adoption in the industry. Conclusion AI innovation is closer than we think. According to the International Institute for Sustainable Development, the tests of completely autonomous trains for long distances are already running. 2.2 to 3.1 million driver jobs could be in danger of replacement in the USA by self-driving vehicles. On-demand car services like Uber will switch to driverless vehicles as soon as they can. Do you want to learn more about Artificial Intelligence and Machine Learning development? AI & ML technologies could elevate your business to an entirely new level. There are plenty of companies providing AI expertise. We researched evaluating Originally posted here

[mixeddoctor]

End in Sight

I have tried not to write here and keep my journaling to less public routes but now that it’s pretty much all over I can put it all out there.

I decided to report what happened to me. It was a long process, with a lot of hoops to jump through. I reported in March and I got word yesterday that my case is not able to be prosecuted. I knew it was a long shot. I knew that because my story wasn’t perfect, because I wasn’t the perfect victim, because I waited, because I’m a woman, because I don’t come from money... I probably wouldn’t come out of this victorious on the legal end. However, I won’t lie and say that there was this part of me that wanted to say that I wasn’t going through this all for nothing. Dealing with 2 different sexual assault centers, a victim-witness center, PD, an SVU detective, prosecutors... and doing this while still trying to be in school and study for boards. I can’t say it was easy. I’ve had to tell my story so many times. It feels like a story I didn’t live. I include details when I tell it that I normally wouldn’t because I have gotten used to all the questions that come up. I guess in some sense, I also expect for the listener to either look at me with pity or disbelief. It would have been easier if he would have chopped off a limb because then you’d be able to see the damage. But rape leaves wounds and scars that are felt and not seen. 

Today I had a meeting with his school since my school contacted them when I reported it to my institution. I have been somewhat dreading this meeting. Scared at how they would treat me. Whether they would innately protect their own student because that protects their reputation. It started off better than I could have expected. I had become so used to giving details and telling the story that the staff hearing my story seemed more uncomfortable than I was. Almost like they were afraid to ask certain questions. I pretty much took over because I knew what they wanted and needed to know. It was fine, until the end. That was when they asked me a question I had not prepared myself to answer because it was a detail I never mentioned (Not one that I was ashamed of, but one that I never mentioned). I had frequently asked for things to be deleted-pictures, and one conversation in particular. The conversation happened after the rape when I was in denial limbo and I felt like it could just come back to bite me. That he would use it against me. Pictures, well that’s because this dude forever took screenshots, forever taking pictures of me when I wasn’t paying attention. And of course, he found yet another way to betray me. He never deleted anything and in fact has kept them all and even submitted some of them as a defense for his position. For what he did. He says that this issue came up because of religious differences that were insurmountable, my now ex-boyfriend, and sexual inadequacy (which I just will not expound on but will say that he dared to try and either exclude or lie and say that I was not tight when he first entered which is a bold faced lie because he even commented that it was tight and I had NOT been active. I know what I felt and what he said. It was tight. An effort to discredit me in the worst way). Not only do I find this out but then they tell me that they have interviewed him in detail so he’s known for awhile that I was reporting him despite my assurance that he would be kept in the dark. Then it all hit me. They told him when my school began this process. They protected him. Of course. Protect him. They asked me what I wanted at the end of the day. And I told them accountability and that I know that no one can fix me but if he never does this to anyone again, if I can protect anyone from going through this, then I will be okay. The reality is, I don’t know if I will be okay, I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay. The idea that he can’t do this again makes me feel just a tad better, but not okay. I told them that in anger I want to know that he doesn’t get off scotch free while there are days I can’t even get out of bed, but I am not vindictive. Accountability is all I can really hope for. The reality is though... he will probably never be held accountable. He said it was us both being drunk. What does he think in his mind? That I wanted it and felt guilty about it afterwards so am now doing this? Is that how he justifies it to himself? Not the actual fact that he raped me. He admitted it the same day to me. I never said yes. He never asked. He just did it. Then he admitted it again in his email. How does he live with himself? How does he live knowing what he did? That he’s trying to cover it up? The story he’s spinning to save himself... 

I’m so angry and so hurt. Somehow he continues to rape me, continues to hurt me. I think deep down I was holding out hope for him to show me that everything he was to me wasn’t a lie, that he was a decent man and he would just admit what he did. But he didn’t. Somehow I thought that the love he had for me was real and that at some point he would show that he really did love me and admit it... but He’s a coward. He’s a selfish bastard who has always seen me as a goat to sheer, skin, milk, and slaughter whenever he needed and for any benefit he wanted. He never put me first. Let’s be real- I paid for my own Plan B for my rape. Like??? I can’t. 

I feel so low. So shitty. Worth nothing. I wasn’t worth telling the truth for. I think that’s what makes me feel worse. This entire process has been grueling. Speaking up is not easy. I would never pretend it was. And I asked myself a lot why I was doing this. Even today, I wondered if I would have been better off just keeping my mouth shut. If I would have been better off just denying it. If I could have just lived like it never happened. Because denial was easier than this. I know this is too early to say that I regret reporting it, but God today has been the worst. He makes me wanna just disappear. Just go away. I can’t even deny that today feels like a 13th reason if you get my gist but that is not a path I ever plan on taking. But I don’t know how to live anymore. I keep waiting for something good to happen in my life but it has been over a year of just terrible things. It actually hit a year 5 days ago since I failed GI which then led to remediation and my grandpas death and reremediation and the funeral and the family duties, and the move to DC and another remediation, and then school started and then I got raped. And life hasn’t stopped being shitty since. 

I feel like my story doesn’t matter. But it should right? I have not been dishonest. I’ve told the truth. I told even the parts that made me look badly. And yet, my word is not taken... I doubt his school will give him any repercussions.  I am trying to come to terms with the fact that my rapist will have no consequence for what he did to me. That destroying me, killing my spirit, murdering who I was has no repercussions for him. He will walk away unscathed. He will live life. He will have a wife and children. His future is secure. Mine was stolen on the night he did what he did. I can’t look at a man from his ethnic group without becoming afraid or wondering if they are like him. 

It’s not fair... but this is America. This is my life. I shouldn’t expect better. Hope is a futile effort. 

[anyworldinc-blog]

Virtual Reality Therapy https://anyworld.com for Anxiety

Virtual Reality in Games

Almost real technology has many applications other than 'fun and entertainment' software. This technology is used to reconstruct past events and websites for historic and scientific investigations. Data about places and people are first gathered before the very same data are fed to applications and systems that compose nearly real technology. The systems and software help to recreate scenarios since they were initially. Historians and scientists can see ancient caves and feel the way that Stone Age guys lived with the help of nearly real technology. Crimes scenes can be re-made too using almost real technology, which might help police and detectives to solve crimes and identify culprits after comprehending culprit movements as they had been in the area of the offense, upon its own re-creation utilizing virtual reality.

Virtual reality has become very popular off late. The technologies used in virtual reality has been leveraged profitably for many uses. Virtual reality techniques have been utilized on a wide scale to devise entertaining games to get people. Virtually real platforms assist people to share in situations which they normally cannot be a part of. For instance, everyone doesn't have enough time, energy, will or the need to become a mountaineer in actual life. But you can readily be a mountaineer in an environment that's virtually real.

Virtual Reality in Business and Industry

Tourists are often taken to cinema halls where virtual reality in the shape of cinemania is shown to them. They have to sit down in comfy seats, and strap themselves to the seats with seat belts as the seats start rocking when the giant screen before comes alive with exciting or scaring scenes. They are really designed to feel as though they're walking through dungeons or forests in these 'virtual reality' equipped theater halls. They could hear the screeches of wild animals and may even feel them brushing from their sides. Such cinemania complexes exist in Singapore, Rome and other hot tourist destinations.

You may need to wear a pair of masks to feel part of a mountaineering team and also to feel and see the snow-capped mountains around you. Virtual reality helps to simulate the environment, create environment so that you feel part of them. You'll have the ability to climb stone, climb mountains, and get to the peak of the Everest through virtual reality. You will be able to dive several miles under the sea and perhaps achieve Mariana's Trench via virtual reality. You can actually feel the risks along with the thrills present in an environment powered by virtual reality. Should you ever fall into the middle of the Pacific Ocean and swim out alive, you will need to remember that you just had a fortunate break, that if you fall in again, then you may not be living anymore. However, you can fall into any ocean while you're taking part in a nearly realistic game as many times as you want and be certain to remain unscathed always.

Virtually real technology is also used to a fantastic extent within the field of medicine for therapeutic purposes and also for treating people with different limb and other disorders. The famed Santimamine Caves of the Stone Age have been recreated using almost real technology. Current scientific, topographical, geographical and other data are integrated with the virtual reality technology to re-build the caves since they initially were.

Virtually real technology finds numerous applications in the realm of business and industry too. Together with the

Santimamine Caves provides you an opportunity to look at the re-created Santimamine Caves which were inhabited by the Neanderthal men.

Powerful Virtual Reality Software

Virtual reality can also be a term that is used for video and web conferences. There are numerous video and web conferencing applications available on the market these days that enable real-time internet cooperation. Managers can run meetings quite cheaply using these applications as many people across the world can attend a web conference in the same moment. There is not any need to organize elaborate conferences, no need to spend money on booking venues, on paying the airfares of many conference attendees, on paying the accommodation fees of out-station conference attendees. Web and video conferencing improves worker productivity as it minimizes employee downtime like working hours spent in travel.

Help of simulation, which can be an integral component of the technology, new prototypes and goods can be constructed. CAD, CAM, and other mathematical and engineering methods, which belong to the realm of virtual reality, are widely used in the vehicle, naval, the aerospace and in other manufacturing sectors to enable the building of automobiles, ships, airplanes and machines.

What follows is

Finally, the idea of virtual reality includes in its bailiwick, certain smart company and meeting applications such as Meeting Diary. Meeting Enrollment is a digital event supervisor and a virtual planner that plans meetings and conferences on your behalf. Meeting Diary is an action-oriented software. It drives one to quench your thoughts and realign your actions, streamline your tasks and think creatively. It enables you to coordinate and always be one of the frontrunners at a fast-paced atmosphere. It urges you to be part of the vanguard, where you go. Gathering Diary's an application that comes sans any price tag. Though virtual and intangible, it's a reality more solid compared to the PC or laptop you're using, compared to the blocks of the building you are sitting in. It enables you to fulfill your ambitions and realize all your aims, seamlessly.

Operations research, mathematical modeling, statistical procedures, optimization strategies, decision-tree procedures, and simulation are some techniques that are commonly utilized to enable accurate decision-making. These techniques devise near-real situations and seek the optimum solutions in these near-real scenarios so that these solutions might be implemented in fact for solving operational issues and facilitating bottlenecks. The concept of probability in Mathematics is a way of determining when a certain action can occur in the real world. Many astonishing engineering feats have been possible only because engineers have made use of virtually real technology. Virtually real technology thus finds nearly unlimited application in the industrial world as it can help to establish machine capabilities, improve assembly-line operations, and consequently augment workplace efficiency.

Personally experiencing a full up-front variant of virtual reality with you immersed inside as the star player, is that the 'in-thing' in modern digital technology at this time. Immersing yourself at 3-D 'what if' scenarios, ideally of the own creation - the early variants of the ultimate in Star Trek holodeck simulations - is the name of this virtual reality game. Of course you already encounter virtual reality 24/7/52. Anything and what you experience is courtesy virtual reality nyc wiki of the sensory apparatus, your memories, and your overall condition of being a conscious, self-aware being. If all truth is experienced solely inside your mind then you exist in a virtual reality 'world'. That is particularly true when you dream. That could also actually be the situation. In that Star Trek virtual reality holodeck, some characters were really real and a few characters were virtually real. Welcome to this world of digital reality.

Virtual Reality in Internet and Video Conferencing There is the highly structured NOW in which the bits and bytes are assembled into our perceived virtual reality landscape. All of the assembled bits and bytes which made up NOW, now dissolve back into their basic components to be reused, recycled virtual reality nyc and reassembled to your new, next, approaching NOW. To put it differently, each the software that is now past tense, that has served its purpose and has gone and come, can be reused, recycled and reassembled into the applications required that's yet to come - of their future yet to unfold.

In a sense my own playing with a "what if" scenario 'game'.

If the first mind analogy isn't sufficient, think of one of the own simulations, be it gambling, training or "what if" research. Only a portion of the whole is active at any one time and, in the first two cases at least (training and gaming) under the control of the consumer (i.e. - the player or trainee). So at any one time, presumably the NOW time, just a small portion of the gaming, training or "what if" situation applications is operational. That is all of the computer demand manage from moment to moment. That NOW fraction. As things evolve, new software comes into play and old software retreats to the background at a stationary mode. Therefore, you can have a huge quantity of software, state enough to simulate the entire observable Universe, but just a small portion is being played out and processed at any one time - so you do not need huge computing crunch power to simulate an total Cosmos because not all of the simulated Cosmos is in-your-face in almost any NOW moment.

Now the only real fact which you have ever known is that you end up in right now. You have never known any other type of reality even though you know some real, and some possible different realities exist.

There's a lifelong virtual reality scenario that plays out inside your nerves in the moment you build a fair facsimile of a mind until your death. This unfolding virtual reality situation, call it consciousness if you will, is being continuously updated as you continue to receive new sensory information from outside (exterior being external to your skull). However, the contents of this unfolding emotional virtual reality scenario (that I do not really want to call it a 'sport'), your emotional path through life from birth to death, don't endlessly increase.

At any and every given moment only part of the general virtual reality scenario your mind finds itself in is front-and-centre. That is pretty much what it is you are aware of in the immediate here and now. Other components are saved away as polyurethane, on your subconscious, out of sight and out of mind until needed. But by far and away the majority of the virtual reality mental software just dissolves away back into bits and bytes. Over your lifespan you are going to neglect 99.999percent of what you experienced. These bits and bytes will just be recycled, recycled, reassembled as required - the raw materials from which the next episode of complicated front-and-centre digital reality conscious experience plays out. Other bits and bytes are lost through heat along with other waste products to be replaced by your intake and breaking from food, atmosphere, water, etc.. So that your mind just isn't an endlessly absorbing wax or wax of bits and bytes. Translated, over your lifespan, bits and bytes in will pretty much equal pieces and bytes out. You know there must be some sort of reality inside a Black Hole but exactly what that is, nobody knows, and although there is speculation that our entire Cosmos is the interior of a Black Hole, you're likely assuming that you are not within a Black Hole reality. You realize there is virtual reality because we have created computer simulations yet you aren't a character in one of our video games. Potentially, there may be the reality of extra dimensions in accordance with string theory. Still, the only reality that you've got every known is right here and now.

Now The Simulators, operating their simulation that can be our mini-Cosmos (our Universe), might have a different sense of time relative to that which they've simulated. In other words, perhaps one 'moment' of the presence equals just one decade of ours. Or, just as we could speed up or slow down a DVD, so to really could The Simulators control their simulation. They can speed up or fast-forward during the dull bits and slow-down when things get interesting.

Of course nevertheless smart we are is all pre-programmed in a simulation, so we may not be programmed to be smart enough to detect a less than ideal simulation. Which brings me back full circle. Since the only fact we know is that this one, how do we compare what is and isn't "ideal"? Some things might strike us as anomalous, but we can not compare existences and levels of perfection, since we are stuck with the one reality we find ourselves in.

PART THREE: YOUR REALITY IS ALL IN YOUR MIND

As you have never experienced any other fact except the one which you now find yourself in, do not have any other reality which you've experienced which you can compare and contrast virtual reality agency blog this reality to. Therefore, this truth might indeed be "an extremely elaborate simulation". You don't know 1 way or another because you only have one data point to utilize.

Now obviously that volume of space you see cannot fit inside your skull, yet that is exactly where it's because 100 percent of the really real reality is literally now within your nerves but as virtual reality. Everything outside to your skull is perceived and filtered to fit comfortably inside your skull. Just like at a simulation, the dimensionality is transformed. Left-right and also top-bottom are compressed to fit and depth is again illusionary.

You 'exist' within a virtual reality since all your external really real reality is changed by your own brain's internal mental software to fit inside your skull. Since very real reality isn't in your skull, what you perceive there needs to be virtual reality generated from the brain's emotional software.

Now it could well be that say that the Cosmos of The Simulators would require say 100,000 computer crunch power units to simulate one-on-one. Alas, The Simulators just have 100 units of pc crunch power on tap and therefore have simulated a 100 computer crunch electricity mini-Cosmos. That is us; that is our Universe from the way. No close infinities have to be entered into, which reflects the sort of computer crunch power units we've expended. We have not over-taxed our available systems of pc crunch power.

Video games, training simulations, "what if" research scenarios are 2-D. Depth is an illusion generated by the software.

[recoveredcast]

Looking Back and Moving on By Annie Highweater

Looking Back and Moving On

On a recent visit home after quite some time apart, my son “Elliot” and I did a dual interview to discuss our experience roughly five years ago with Substance Use Disorder (referred to as SUD, most of which is detailed in my book Unhooked).

With a list of questions from various parents and family members who have been affected by the opiate epidemic surging through homes across the nation, we sat down for a very real, open conversation.

In our interview conversation, Elliot gave his perspective as one who has been to the depths of darkness with this disease and I gave mine as a Mother who was deeply affected.  We touched some on our background and story and then went right into the most intense dynamics we faced as a family.

  Relapse occurs mentally long before it occurs physically.

When asked if he ever “hit bottom,” Elliot’s response was “Yes, several times and each time was worse than before. But life would then eventually come together again,” he explained, “things would level out and almost as if forgetting, I would drift back to that mindset again and find myself on track to another bottom.”  Elliot explained that it wasn’t until he decided to live a life with different goals and began refocusing his thoughts toward staying on track that he began taking preventative steps to avoid circling back through and repeating dangerous cycles.

    Family relationships will recover if you allow for time and forgiveness.

As is common when substance abuse has raged through a family, our family dynamics were a disaster for a while. Crisis tends to bring out whatever pathological “trash” (meaning; it causes everyone’s dysfunction to rise to the surface) lies dormant.  There were hard feelings, bad blood and fractured communication on all sides.

Where we are today is a far cry from where we were then.  Recovery is possible and I believe, it works best when everyone does individual work on themselves (therapy, relevant books, support groups etc).  With time and compassion, we both began to realize that in the midst of some terrible circumstances, everyone was doing the best they thought they could do.

    It’s not personal

Regarding stressful conflict, texts that get hateful, conversations that turn toxic and behaviors that involve betrayal, lying stealing etc. Elliot’s explanation related to a speaker he heard teaching from the book Choice Theory, written by William Glasser. The idea is that there are times we internally commit to choices.  Sometimes we will commit to a choice even if it’s wrong, and drive it all the way home, believing it is the best choice, the only choice, in that moment.

When it comes to a Loved One committing to a wrong choice that is having terrible effects on others, Elliot’s suggestion was to not engage it, protect yourself, and back away.

When someone is deep in struggle with a dependency upon a substance, their thoughts are only on what they need to do to meet that need. Anyone they affect or argue with is either a steppingstone, a source, or in the way.

And that is exactly what the disease of addiction does. The mentality of your Loved One is not only unlike the person you know and love, it’s not intentional, but it is adversarial.  SUD takes over the mind and will of the person struggling.

I had to realize, the less I make everything in life about me, the easier it is to logically deal with things.

    Silence is excruciating

Some of our conversation covered when communication is cut off between the one struggling and the family at home.  Those can be extremely frightening, painful times for a parent.

I asked my son to think of what he feels if his dog is out of sight, even for a few minutes and doesn’t respond when he calls for him.

Or…what happens when he can’t find his cell phone.

Those situations prompt frantic moments of panic and relentless searching. Now, multiply those feelings by a million to understand what a parent goes through when their child is lost, off in active addiction or perhaps has gone silent for days on end.

It is those emotions that drive our decisions to investigate, search you out, walk the floors, and “lose it” emotionally.  These were the times that I had to absolutely prop myself up on my faith.

SUD is a crisis no family should have to become great at handling.

There are ways to go about it with sound, healthy judgment. But there is no way to become perfect at handling the crisis of addiction.  The reality is, it’s a terrible disease that creates terrible circumstances, conflicts and emotion for anyone touched by it.

    Don’t go crazy in the madness of it!  That will solve nothing.

During the worst of times I literally became a detective, researching, spying, tracking people and chasing away anyone he was involved with.  I even kept binoculars in my car!

Elliot made it clear this resulted in a huge breakdown in communication, furthering the breach of trust between us.  It also caused him to go to greater lengths to find sources, involving much more risk and danger than usual.

Chasing him down, doing the crazy things, going mad in the midst of it – helped no one, solved nothing and didn’t cause anyone or anything to get better.

Had I put up healthy boundaries, enforced consequences, while maintaining a kinder, more logical position and then taken my hands off, we may have been better able to discuss solutions sooner than we did.  Looking back, I did the best I could with the tools I had, we all did.  If I had it to do again, I would have taken a softer (yet firm in healthy ways) approach and been fully equipped with the CRAFT method in place.

It took time for us both to heal from those days.

    There’s hope

Elliot’s advice to those who are in their teens, 20s and 30s who may wrestle with SUD, regardless of how it began is that it life doesn’t have to be about leaning on a substance or who can party the hardest. “At the end of the day you end up sloppy and might be living down current choices for decades to come.”

Elliot’s words for anyone caught in the trap of active use who feels lost, alone, hopeless and like there is no way get out, “Please know there are thousands of hands out there ready to help you.  You can find a meeting (NA, AA etc) taking place every day in your city.  All you have to do is call, show up, reach out.”

His hope for families was to let them know, when he came to the end of every resource and had to become his own resource (meaning, lovingly cut off from all supply of money and housing), he had to find his own way.  That is what drove him to the desire for sobriety, recovery and a healthy productive life.

We are all relieved with how far he’s come (and how far we’ve come as a family) these last four years.

    Recovery works.

I asked my son the other day when he was home, if it bothered him to go into old, familiar places or potentially cross paths with upsetting people there may have been previous conflict with.  I wondered because those things tend to bother me. His response was “Not at all.  Places don’t affect me anymore like they used to.  As for people, I’m aware of energy and vibes, if they’re negative and rude, all it tells me is that the person hasn’t dealt with their issues. I’ve moved on.”

Once you heal and move forward, you really can be done with the residual effects.

We are aware of the work of recovery and its power in our lives in how completely our relationship has healed.  A wonderful aspect of having gone through it is that due to the level crisis we reached, we dealt with our issues and then we put them behind us. There’s no elephant in the room today, or junk swept under the rug that we have to ignore when we sit down to dinner or have a visit. We live in the wholeness of the moment and celebrate life as it is now. Looking back only to learn and reminisce, but focusing forward on where we are now and what lies ahead.

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

  Never give up,

Annie

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