#because if it’s physically preventing you from living a “normal” life

[21stc3nturyd1gitalb0y]

Okay, I needed to say something. Migraines can absolutely be a physical disability.

I have NDPH (New Daily Persistent Headache) which is a chronic headache disorder where you always have a headache. It’s a neurological condition, meaning there’s no physical explanation in the body for why it occurs. Physical pain is not just a side effect of my neurological condition, it is the primary symptom and reasoning behind my diagnosis. I also have severe migraines that impact my vision. I’ve injured myself because I couldn’t see or walk properly because of the aura.

Most people agree that blindness is a physical disability regardless of whether the source is a neurological condition. Similarly, Tourette’s Syndrome, epilepsy, and cerebral palsy are considered neurological conditions, and they can also still be physically disabling.

Neurological disabilities and physical disabilities are not mutually exclusive and there are disorders that are classed as both. Neurological just means that the condition is caused by something in the brain. While neurological issues such as migraines may not be physically disabling for everyone, severe cases can absolutely be physically disabling.

It’s ignorant to dismiss the experiences of people who are physically disabled by migraines or headache disorders, because many of us have been dismissed by others or had our pain minimized by people who don’t understand how severe neurological pain impacts the body. This is especially true of aura migraines which have a staggering rate of suicidal ideation (47.2%, with 13.9% of patients having attempted suicide.)

As I believe OP was saying, disability is complex and not every disorder can be neatly relegated to a single box.

the way people online have reacted to discussions about physical disability by loudly insisting on discussing the category of "mental disability" actually flattens people's understanding of disability and creates a binary, a mind-body dichotomy stronger than anyone who wanted to just talk about physical disability ever did. like firstly, mental disability historically referred to people with intellectual disabilities (ID/IDD). and two, if you say something like "physically disabled only" you're not actually saying what kind of disabilities everyone else has. only that it's not primarily physical. there's disability that don't really fit into the idea of there being only a physical or mental category. many disabilities straddle the line. like i have migraine. it's a common neurological condition, and it disables me. i personally don't care to put it entirely in either "physical" or "mental" because it affects me holistically. if there's a club saying "people with disabilities that physically affected them are welcome", on the basis on migraine alone i could choose to join, or decide not to. nobody is forcing a category onto me. but people insisting that the opposite to physical disability is "mental disability" is forcing us into categories. just... actually be specific. say mental illness or developmental disability or something. you won't get a word to encompass every disability that's not primarily physical without flattening a lot of frankly unrelated disabilities into one category. it is more accurate and useful to use the categories that exist instead of pretending there's only two categories of disability (physical vs mental) and that they're opposites. for context i have a physical disability, a neurodevelopmental disability (autism), mental illness, and my migraine/neurological issue. those last three are different. i would go to different groups to relate to others with those issues, like for example an autism peer support group or mental health support group. they don't need to be encompassed by "mental disabilities" and treated all the same

[vatelixx]

The enormity of my desire (disgusts me),

Very very early seasons (1 — start of 2) Spencer Reid x afab!BAU!reader

SMUT!! (and fluff, some angst in relation to Spencer’s past because it can never be too happy, we’re not allowed nice things here). first times & explorations of intimacy.

──── autistic spencer (it’s a central theme to the plot), reader is actually morally good (for once).

Warnings: sub spencer (what did u even expect?), heavy corruption kink, first time for Spencer (all i do is sit around and think about how i’d like to devirgin that genius), HEAAVY praise kink, very very inexperienced Spencer, slight? oral fixation, they’re both just rlly down bad (i told u i would write something light, i delivered), Reader is whipped, Spencer is sooo much worse. Biblical references, Religious imagery, i think i talk about math equations???? And random metaphors/complexes.

w.c: 4k

a/n: i rlly wanted to explore aspects of spencer that criminal minds swept under the rug (cough cough his undiagnosed autism, cough cough his social exclusion, cough cough his crippling fear of forever being alone). Next upload will prob be heavy angst/no smut post-prison spencer (god help me please, i must be a masochist for the way i make myself suffer)

───────────────

There’s a lot Spencer hasn’t done.

He knows he’s behind, that he never quite caught up when it came to the taboo of sex and intimacy. Everything, everything, he’s ever had has been centred around exclusion, alienation, he feels like he’s lived on pause. Frozen, never advancing, stuck on ‘go’. Touch isn’t easy for him, interpersonal relationships are worse. He’s different, god he’s heard that his entire life. ‘You’re not weird, you’re just… different’, but maybe he is weird. Maybe his whole existence is just one big cosmic fuck you, because he’s missed out on so much, so much that he can’t understand, comprehend, act out against. Falling behind; this is the only area of life where he continuously comes up short, inexperienced, naive, he’s not used to being incompetent.

He’s never experienced want the way others do. He could never just hook up, fall into the body of another, expose them to the vulnerable elements of his stature. Open himself up to scrutiny. He might be a genius, he might be intellectually advanced, accepted into a multitude of ivy leagues before he was old enough to vote, but there’s drawbacks to his success. Social awkwardness, an inability to blend, mould, be one of the crowd. Sometimes he wishes he was average, something grey and mundane, so far reduced from the person he is now— it would all be plainly simple.

But he’s not, he’s not. So, this is the weight he has to bare for the brain he never asked for.

Pyrrhic victory, he’ll always be renowned for his intelligence. ‘You’re going to change the world kid,’ maybe, but simultaneously, he’ll never get to experience said world. There’s a chance he’ll always be on the outside, watching normal people gravitate towards each other. Live dreary lives of domesticated simplicity. Stacked bills, arguments over money and parenting techniques. Going to bed angry, only to turn around, mid-night, and resolve it, to not sleep on bad blood. To take them off the couch, to settle into predestined sides of the mattress.

There’s not enough possessions in the world he’d sacrifice just to experience love.

Hedgehog dilemma, the challenges of human intimacy. The hedgehogs want to move closer, to preserve heat during cold. But, they are forced, biologically cursed to remain apart, in order to prevent themselves from harming each other. Spencer doesn’t want to be hurt, to hurt, it’s a morbid byproduct of his upbringing; all he ever endured was mockery.

He thought he’d never get to experience the physical, carnal aspects of existence. And sure, he made peace with the notion, accepted the consequences of being born atypical. Learnt to live without.

But then, oh then there was you. Pretty, intellectual you who quite literally tipped his world on it’s axis. Upheaved the most stable of routines. New to the BAU, he wanted you to last. To stay around, endure the worst of the job. If only for his selfish benefit of orbiting in your presence.

He remembers how it all started: Detroit, another case, more budget cuts, forced proximity that sent you spiralling into a shared bed for the night.

“You’re my favourite person in the team.” you admitted, “And I know that’s dumb, because we’ve spoken the least, but… you’re just, so you. That’s a good thing by the way, a really really good thing.”

He couldn’t quite believe you were talking about him. Spencer, who spilt coffee, and slipped into ceaseless tangents about obscure information. Spencer, who walked into walls when you were around, stumbling over his sentences before deftly, very astutely, giving up, walking away mid-conversation. He wore sweater-vests and colourful mismatched socks, it’s not like he was going to be crowned ‘white boy of the month’.

“Not dumb.” Spencer had responded, shifting closer to tangle further into the warm mess of this accidental situation. “That’s good. I like being me.” he mumbled. “Sometimes…. sometimes it sucks. But that’s okay. I think it’s okay?”

He moved to press his face into the crook of your neck, but you were faster, gathering him by tousled hair, forcing him to look you in the eye.

Oh.

“Please. Please.” he whispered, breaking apart, fracturing, “Please like me. And more than in a weird, ‘just friends or coworkers’ way.”

You did. You do. He should’ve kissed you then, but maybe he was scared, maybe he couldn’t quite discern his feelings, separate the logic from the emotional. So he waited, waited, waited until now. Your third date, you take him to an exhibition within a science centre: replica models of the solar system, filling rooms up, papier-mâché sculptures illuminated by light.

Best date ever. You listen, even when he’s rambling about planets, when he’s pointing out that yes, Jupiter’s density is less than water. That, technically, it would float in a bathtub, if one was built to accommodate its size. You don’t care that he’s not exactly the staple-piece for conventionally attractive males. That he’s nerdish, and awkward, and so so inexperienced when it comes to this.

In his apartment, later, much later, he looks at you, looks at you like you’re the one who just solved the fucking Riemann hypothesis.

“What do you want the most? Like,… if you could ask for one thing.” you say, and god, Spencer loves when you pose these deep, hypothetical questions. When you make him think, because you, you are the biggest challenge to his intellect yet.

You. He wants to say. But he settles for ‘Being remembered,’ instead. He works to untangle layers of fabric, your scarf, your jacket, letting out an exasperated laugh when he meets your amused gaze. “Right now though? I think I’d settle for kissing you.”

You cup his jaw, tracing your fingers along the sharp curve, and god he has perfect anatomy. “Settle huh? You should be more appreciative.”

He leans forward to press a chaste kiss against your lips. Drawing away for a moment, just to return because he’s never had this before. Because for the first time in his life, he gets it. He gets physical attraction, even if it took time. He’s kissed, been kissed, yes. But he could count those moments on one hand, and if you asked how many he truly enjoyed, he’d be left with no fingers raised.

“Believe me, i’m very appreciative…”

This isn’t like before, what he felt in the past; he expected something monotone, flighty, a brief fleeting moment of satisfaction. Means to an end. No, it’s actually the best thing he’s ever experienced, and he’s going to become so insufferable after this, because he’s just found out he is very very into kissing.

Correction: he’s very into kissing you.

In the moment between parting, and touching again, he assumes you to be divinity personified. Spencer has never been religious, but something of this magnitude should be canonised. He wants to ask you. Ask you when you became this beautiful. When you became the person he needs to kiss a second time, kiss a third time, kiss until his lips go numb.

A shaky inhale, a pause. “I hope… I hope that it was okay - I mean, it was good for me. Really, really good. Um—“ to be honest, he’s just glad he didn’t say thankyou.

“Yeah, Spence. That was… wow.” you draw your bottom lip between teeth, press into tissued flesh. Jesus Christ. “Wanna try again?”

Yes yes yes yes. He looks at you, pupils blown obscenely out of proportion. Part of him wants to say, ‘why didn’t we do this sooner?’ But that’s not fair; he’s only ready now. Now that he feels, now that he might be a little in love with you.

“Please,” is his answer, and then he’s catching your face in the palms of his hand, tugging your lips back to his, because admittedly, they have ached in the long, extensive period you were apart (53 seconds).

This time it deepens and Spencer sees stars. It’s an astronomical phenomenon, something interstellar— and god, he’s relating kissing to space. They should just tape the word ‘virgin’ to his back and call it a day.

There’s soft little breathy sighs escaping his mouth now, bleeding into yours. And yeah, spontaneous combustion might be a real threat. Actually no, it would hardly be spontaneous; there’s a clear, clear cause, and it just so happens to be your ruinous lips.

This is an entirely new facet of the human experience. The kiss is electric; he’s always been partial toward physics, and right now his veins carry an alternating current.

You know, he could probably write a thesis based on this.

You both stumble back back back until he’s hitting a wall, and yes, thankyou. He’s making all sorts of sounds he can’t justify, and it’s a supernova, an infinite black pool of— oh, he thinks he might die, ascend, transcend, when you press your thumb against his chin, hold your lips at just a little slant from his. Force him to wait there.

“Please,” he’s never been above begging. A worthy sacrifice, one he’ll certainly repeat again because you return to the kiss, and the world around him dissolves.

You’ve got one hand tangled in his hair. Tousled auburn, fingers sinking into strands, pushing all the way down to the root. The other is still cupping his face, keeping him close, keeping him selfishly close actually.

“Spence,” you murmur. And yes. Yes. He likes that. The way his name sounds rolling off your tongue, like it was destined to be there. Like he was destined to be yours.

His world is ending. So is yours. Fuck it, he presses himself against your thigh, and ohmygodohmygod. He’s being loud, he’s actually being so criminally loud right now because apparently he’s the most whorish virgin to ever exist.

“I lied, I lied,” he admits between messy kisses, “When you asked what I wanted the most? It’s not to be remembered, well it is, its on the list. But—“ he groans, kisses you again because talking interrupts matters that are more important. Like your lips.

“I wanna cum.”

Eloquent.

Spencer Reid being dirty? Oh, it’s hot, it’s so hot to reduce someone to such an obscene state. To reduce him, the boyish fumbling nerd (who just so happens to be the most beautiful person in existence) to such a degrading mess.

Still, there’s shock. Not because he said it (you greatly appreciate the indecent things falling from those pretty lips right now), but because—

“You’ve never? Haven’t even experienced it once? By yourself?”

He should be embarrassed, but his lips are red, his eyes are glassy, and the bulge in his pants is straining to be touched. “Never,” he sighs shakilly. “Never, and i’m— i’m starting to understand why it’s so popular.”

He whimpers, pushes himself against your thigh, because the friction, yes. “Is that weird? Please don’t think i’m weird. Because I’m really, really weird. Just maybe… not in that way?”

It’s never been enough. His body sometimes feels numb to the touch, and yet still so very overstimulated. Like he manually blocks himself from feeling, already prepared for the flinch. How does he explain that life hasn’t been kind to him? That he hates his body because of what people made it out to be when he was a child. Stripping him naked, tying him to a goalpost, always the underdog. The one to be targeted, tormented.

“It’s actually kinda hot,” you interrupt his thoughts, and just because you’re evil, corrupt, the worst, you press your thigh harder against his clothed cock, palm covering his mouth when a plethora of whiny sounds escape his mouth.

It’s performative, really. Alone in his apartment, there’s no need for noise control. So when your thumb slips between parted, swollen lips, he knows to suck. The average human hand has between 10,000 and 10 million bacteria, and Spencer does not actually give a fuck anymore.

“To think that you’ve never even felt what it’s like. That you’re gonna feel it with me for the first time. I get to see that shit— god, you’re going to look so fucking pretty for me.”

You draw your thumb out of his mouth, and he has the audacity to whine.

He’s never wanted anything more in his entire life. It’s all tertiary now. Only this matters.

“Please don’t praise me—“ he protests, “I’ll probably finish in my pants.”

“Praise kink, noted.”

You laugh, and he can only groan, curse existence for being this cruel to his overworked, undervalued body. “Don’t— don’t laugh. You’re not supposed to laugh, that can heighten performance anxiety. Increase insecurity, and…” he sighs, “You do not care. Sadistic tendencies, noted.”

“Shut up. Wanna see you.” you say, and he’s just muttering breathless mhm’s, too delirious to function; his body is betraying the last iota of self-control like the little whore it apparently is.

His sweater comes off first, then his top. Discarded fabric, his raised arms when you mutter a candid ‘up’, giving way to exposed skin. In response? Your pupils dilate. Spencer knows because he’s analysing, profiling. If you hate him like this, he’s fairly certain he’ll drag himself into a self-dug early grave. He wishes he was being melodramatic. That your approval didn’t have such a substantial impact on his carefully-constructed ego. But, oh, it does. It does.

Thin, with a long, defined torso, he blushes, rose blemished skin, when your hands drag across his stomach. He’d love to say he reacts sanely, suavely. Urbane to your touch. But that would be a total, discreditable lie. Instead, his back arches, seeking contact, following the path of your fingertips with pitiful desperation. He feels malleable, willing to bend and contort, if only to feel more.

“How can you not think you’re pretty, Spence?” His pants are gone next, then his stained boxers, fabric borderline sheer now, soaked through with pre-cum.

Spencer feels betrayed. His body never responds, not to his own hands, not to his own thoughts. And yet, the moment you’re on him, he’s a live-wire. It’s sick, heinous, double-crossing. Maybe it’s purposeful, done just to spite him. Figures.

“Holy shit, look at you. Look at how perfect you are.” Spencer wants to object, because he distinctly told you not to praise him. However,.. right now, the lights are on but nobody is home. Brain-death, he’s certainly in a vegetative state.

“Ohmygodohmygod,” he whimpers, because no amount of knowledge about human anatomy and physiology could prepare him for how he feels under your touch. No amount of education in the psychology of relationships could inform him of how viscerally wrong the way you look at him feels.

Because it’s not wrong, not all. It’s the most right he’s ever felt, and he’ll tell you that if you’ll just keep it up.

The sounds he’s making are phonographic, lewd, you’ve given up on trying to stifle them now. Where have you been hiding? Your eyes fall, and he wants to blush away from the exhibiting gaze, but he’s just…. too far gone; the thought of your touch outweighs any previous reticence. Then, oh then, you drop to your knees, and shit. He expected your thigh, maybe your hand if he was lucky, not—

This. Your mouth, your tongue, your pretty lips; god, god, is this a sin? Because if it is, he’ll take it.

“Please,” he whines, and he can’t look anymore because the sight alone is going to send him over the edge. He’s gripping the wall, scrambling scrambling for purchase, because he’s trying not to grip you, but how exactly does he keep this respectful?

He’s pretty sure they’re past that, considering your mouth is currently wrapped around his cock, and he’s debauched.

You want this, you want him, he feels like he’s transcended humanity, like he’s become someone, anyone and anything, that deserves the way you’re taking him apart, piece by piece. In the aftermath, he hopes you don’t leave a single ounce of him intact.

“Wanna kiss you. Oh— oh oh,” he’s sobbing now, “Come back here. Miss your mouth— even if it’s,” he looks down and that’s a mistake. “Please.”

Of course it would be Spencer to disrupt the best (and admittedly only) head of his life because he needs you closer.

You oblige, raising from your knees, and Spencer thinks it might be sacrilegious. But then again, he feels religion in your touch so it can’t be too profane. Maybe? He’s not sure, he’s not sure and it doesn’t matter. Ethics and morality have long since disintegrated, sins are engrained into humankind. He almost wants to thank Eve for tearing into the apple, because it’s allowed this irreverence to occur.

Spencer blindly follows you through the apartment, stumbling and muttering until he can collapse against the bed. Baring his pretty neck as his head hits the bedframe. Tangled in sheets, draped over his lap, his deft fingers run across your waist, mapping out the structure of your frame. If only to remember, recite this act of blasphemy.

“Spence,” you whisper, and then his lips are crashing into yours, stealing breath, stealing sanity. He whimpers, murmurs a protest when you draw back, and you can only laugh. “Lets get you off, yeah? You wanna feel an orgasm, pretty boy?”

“Yes, yes please. That would uh— yes.” he’s not even sure how he’s conscious right now. His body, god his body, has endured more pleasure in the last hour than it has for the majority of his life. Your hands scathe, and Spencer is willing to indefinitely burn, if just to feel them one more time.

You only stop to take off your clothes, and surely there needs to be prep? To reaffirm, he knows anatomy, the correct procedure, how the transgression is supposed to occur. And yet, that’s from a clinical, objective mindset. Do this, do that, etc etc. Nothing works out like that in practice.

You’re so wet, panties stained through, he spares a moment to run his fingers across your thighs, hand slipping beneath fabric to graze your clit. The moan that follows has him distracted, thumb tracing circlets, over and over until you’re pulling back to return the balance. The balance, which admittedly is skewed, tipped scales, you’re on top. He falls to the weight of your influence.

And yeah, he’s more than fine with that. Jesus, you drag your panties down, down your thighs, your legs, then they’re reaching your ankles, pooling there for a moment before they’re being discarded, tossed somewhere on his floor — leaving behind a souvenir that yes, yes this happened.

“I can’t,” he says, burying his face into your shoulder when you take him. It’s slow, sinking onto his cock like every inch of warmth will destroy him. Maybe it will. Maybe he doesn’t care, because he deserves this. He deserves to feel after so much repression.

Or maybe, maybe he’s just become the biggest slut known to mankind. Likely.

Your body presses against his, and he thinks he’s going to disintegrate, because he feels so good. He understands now, he understands why people do this. Why it’s integral to the function of most. This is the best day of his life. This. Is. The. Best. Day. Of. His. Life.

There’s this noise, this pathetically loud whimper when you start to roll your hips— and oh your body is wet against him, and you’re so tight, and it’s perfect because he doesn’t have to do anything.

He can just sit here, look pretty, and cry.

He knows he’s a giver, that he’d bleed himself dry for you. It’s a curse, he supposes: so willing to bend backwards for the satisfaction of the people he trusts. But, this is foreign, and he wants to watch you, aimlessly stare, dumb and empty-headed as you wield his body like a weapon. Turn him into something perniciously yours.

Spencer has no reference for what an orgasm is supposed to feel like, and yeah, he’s really good at guessing in these type of situations. Because he’s rolling his thumb over your clit again, and he wants to draw it into his mouth, to see you laid out across bedsheets, writhing, unable to do anything but suffocate him with your thighs.

You clench around him, back arched, releasing a series of strained moans. With one hand tangled in his dishevelled hair, the other pressed against his chest, your face contorts, your body stiffens. There’s no way his incessant whimpering just got you off?

Okay. So you like him desperate. Point taken.

“Please— please, wanna cum. Wanna feel it so bad,” he’s slurring over his words, sentences punctured by devastating whimpers. And look at him, asking for permission, waiting even though his body has been teetering on the edge for so long now.

“Shh, shh..” you press your forehead against his, and he melts. Reoccurring theme. His hand grips your jaw, thumb pushed firmly against your chin, keeping you close. “You wanna cum for me, baby? Gonna give me your first?”

“Mhm— mhm…” is all he can say. When you pick up your pace, he has to burrow his face into the crook of your neck, whimpers messy and broken off, suppressed against your warm skin.

“Oh. Oh…” he repeats, again. Like there’s anything else he could utter, because this is earth-shattering.

It’s the sun, and all eight planets combined, and the universe collapsing in on itself, and he’s bucking, squirming, releasing into you, spilling deep.

He sobs. Breaks down. Because it’s so so good, and he can’t believe he ever deprived his body of this.

Neediest whore to ever exist, apparently.

It takes him a while to come back. Longer to regain motor function, to sink into present day. Life, and expectations, and everything, everything, your touch eradicated.

“Just… just stay like this?” he asks, collapsing against your body after he’s drawn out of you. There’s mess, evidence of your ministrations, but cleanliness seems futile when he’s blissed out, caught in a post-orgasmic haze that yes yes yes he needed so badly.

You card your hands through his hair, watch the way he stares up at you, large, widened eyes, chin resting against your chest. “Hi,” he mutters dumbly.

“Spence,” Spence, Spence, Spence. He could drown himself in that nickname.

“Yeah?” he breathes out.

“You we’re so good—“

He rolls away from you, finding a home for his face in the pillow. “Stop. Stop.” he groans, “Don’t do that. You’re going to destroy me. I’m not… equipped for this, for you. Someone should just sedate me, put me out of my misery, a coma sounds like—“

He tilts his head to the side, relinquishing, “Okay. Sorry. Meltdown over. Can we shower? Then maybe do this again? Which will make the shower inconsequential, I suppose. There’s a new documentary I want to watch, and oh, you still haven’t seen the third Star Wars—“

He’s happy, content, over the fucking moon, to be silenced with your lips. “Yeah,” he murmurs, hand interlocking with yours as you both fall back against the mattress, “Let’s do this again.”

[thearsonistofarland]

It’s about young motherhood and raising a child when you don’t quite know who you yourself are yet and being societally undesirable and finding community in fellow outcasts and unconventional families that aren’t mom-dad-child but are still full of love all the same and masking and trying not to “ruin” the life that your child has managed to scrape together because you know how hard it is to be happy when you’re Not Normal and breaking away from our base “instincts” to punish and isolate the undesirables in whatever shape they come in because because we’ve been socialized our entire lives to want to achieve and maintain the idealized status quo and we know how hard it is to unlearn things so deeply ingrained into us and how you can’t just immediately change the way someone was raised and how the ruling body is a machine that does not care about you or your personal joy and will gleefully destroy the lives and homes of anyone and everyone associated with those who are Not Normal and they will not stop until they know how to prevent more undesirables from coming into existence and how you can’t just erase someone’s neurodivergence or queerness or heritage or physical disability it’s a fundamental part of how we interacted with the world growing up and how the world interacted with us in turn and it’s about how all of these things intersect because we live in this world and in this society in this community in this family and we are trying to be happy and lead fulfilling lives when that is an uphill battle against social norms and scared people but those social norms are not inherent and are artificial and even though the way there is paved with hot coals and require us to mask to pass and fit in to so that we can make gradual change and as much of an infuriating answer as that is, things can get better

I really liked The Wild Robot you guys

[yanderismo]

Yandere Platonic Superman Concept/Idea (?)

BRO, BRO, I DON'T KNOW IF I LOVE OR HATE MY MIND FOR GIVING ME IDEAS THAT I'LL NEVER START OR FINISH. But okay, I have an idea for a platonic yandere Superfam, maybe it involves Batfam or the entire DC universe. I think this is more platonic yandere Superman. Let's go. (using the translator, be kind to me please 😭) 

— Imagine that you are originally from the Injustice universe. You were a neutral young/teen heroine who wasn't at all interested in siding with Batman or Superman. Well... that neutrality of yours had consequences, and now, somehow, Superman and Batman were in a bloody tug of war to get you on their side. And you are the cable they are selfishly pulling. And one day that cable would break, and that's what happened to you, you broke it. So broken that I would consider it irreparable. 

— But luckily for you (bro, are you lucky?), after so much physical and mental suffering, you ended up in a way that I won't explain, in the original DC universe. In other words, no superheroes is crazy tyrants. Too bad you don't know that (yet).

— You were living as if the world was a danger to you (just like it was in Injustice). But you discovered that you were REALLY in a different universe or timeline when you met Lois Lane, the woman who drove Superman insane after her death. And it shocked you, you thought maybe you had gone back in time. And as reckless as it was, you felt hope that you could stop the future of Injustice from happening, stop Lois Lane from being murdered! After all, you were still a hero, even if you had probably lost half of your original universe's neurons.

 — So you made a decision. You decided to protect Lois Lane! You practically become her protective shadow. Being noticed wouldn't do any good, and for SO FEAR of being confronted by Superman/Clark for apparently stalking his wife, you stopped watching her when Clark showed up and you went back when Clark left. (In your head, this Superman is the same Superman from Injustice, just before Lois' death happened). You were wary as hell of all the heroes. Anyway, a lot of trauma caused by Injustice.

— And I believe that Lois, even if she was a civilian, would notice that she was being watched (or maybe you're just not very good at stalking because you're a very young heroine). Whatever it is. Lois noticed and she became cautious (she is a journalist, there are many people who may not like her to the point of committing atrocities), as you could be a threat to her life. Although you haven't revealed yourself as any threat so far.

 — But let's suppose there were events in which she was in danger (actually, it was just something like shelves falling, preventing her from being run over, preventing some rabid dogs from biting her, small things), events in which you managed to remain hidden, however Lois knew it was You, her strangely protective stalker. Lois was trying to know your intentions and work it out for herself, so she didn't say anything about it. If this is something much more than she can handle, Clark can always lend a little help. 

— But on another one of those times when she was in danger, you desperately saved her (the situation was quite dangerous, more than normal), asking if she was okay and everything. Lois was surprised, you were surprised. Before you know, the idea of staying in the shadows went down the drain. You were almost begging (you were begging) her not to tell anyone that you were persecuting her (protecting her), you didn't want her to report you to some authority (that would only hinder your mission) or worse, report you to Superman. You said, stammered, that you were just protecting her. Wanting to make sure Lois didn't feel threatened and report you. 

— The desperation, the panic in your voice, seemed too young for Lois to feel comfortable. You were like a scared child, you looked very much like just a scared child, and that made Lois uncomfortable but at the same time... motherly. If you wanted to hurt her, you would have done it already. You at least accomplished one thing: making Lois not feel threatened by you.

 — The other thing you couldn't do was stop Lois from telling Clark about you. Look, I'm sure Lois didn't mean it, it's uncomfortable to be watched almost every day, but also, since she discovered you, she's been quite worried about you.

 — And Clark is all worried, like, "What?? My wife is being stalked??? Oh wait, my wife is being stalked and protected. Well, that's still very worrying, I'm definitely going to check it out for myself." Furthermore, Lois insisted that he be gentle when approaching you. And Lois saying this to him made him even more intrigued. 

— He tried to approach you just as Clark Kent, just to know how you would react around a seemingly civilian person, think of it as a method to read your character (he didn't want to confront you as Superman in a careless way. After all, who wouldn't Does he act nice or change to a more pleasant personality around Superman?)

— Needless to say, Clark was surprised and confused when you looked at him like he was the greatest terror of your life before simply running away from him. He recognized that look, only villains who were traumatized after a confrontation against him have that look (but the you look was much, much worse than that). That day, you didn't chase Lois.

 — Clark suspected you knew his secret identity. There is no longer any reason for you to have reacted like this. 

— lol, that day Lois noticed the absence of the feeling of being watched and scolded Clark for scaring you. Although it wasn't his fault, he apologized. He really didn't mean to scare you ;( You were gone for a few days after that. But of course, you still had to protect Lois in her everyday life. Even if you were scared. 

— Anyway, it didn't matter how softly, friendly Superman approached you next time. You ran, or at least tried to run. Do you really want to bet on who is the fastest? He easily caught you and held you by your forearm. And that was enough to make you scream, cry, struggle and finally, shrink as much as possible.

— And Superman was all confused, he wasn't even hurting you or squeezing you hard. His voice was also friendly. If anything, it made him even more worried. Add the fact that you appear to be very young and his paternal instincts kicked in. 

— To his surprise, you pulled out a knife. Something like that couldn't hurt Superman, of course not. But who said the knife was meant to hurt him? Let's say you picked up the knife and tried to slit your own throat as a last resort escape. (What did you go through with Superman from Injustice to the point that you tried to commit suicide just to escape him?) 

— Superman was surprised and then horrified. He immediately knocked you unconscious before you cut deeper into your throat. Now with you unconscious, you seemed more vulnerable and fragile than you should have been. Now he understood why Lois was worried about you. (You know, if Batman can adopt multiple children, why couldn't Superman...? You seem like a good kid and even Lois agrees with that. Conner and Jon would definitely like to have a sister) 

— Superman wondered what happened to you that made you reach the point where death was a usable route. He wanted to question you personally, but the moment he confirmed that you knew his identity (you acted the same way when he approached you as a civilian. He was the only one to receive this reaction from you and no one else), this matter became the subject of the Justice League. Discovering the identity of a superhero and pursuing someone close to that superhero was not going to be taken lightly. Who's to say you don't also know the identities of others? Although Superman wants to deal with you alone, he doubts he'll get any information out of you with you yelling and screaming. So he took you to the justice league. 

— Batman can definitely help you solve this.

(Imagine the anguish it would be to probably have to get used to people having the same appearance and the same voice as your captors in Injustice. Imagine them acting all soft after finding out you come from a universe where the heroes are corrupt and broke you😩)

Notas: I leave the rest to you. Or to any author who wants to use this idea (I beg you, some author write a Yandere platonic Superman/Superfam fic😭 They could even add other platonic Yanderes like Batfam, it would be so interesting 🙏😭)

(I just realized that the one who acted the most Yandere was Reader herself, lol)

[zzencat]

How To Energetically Get The Most Out Of Your School/Work Life - ⏳

Since we’re getting into the groove of things…let’s gaur!!!! For entertainment purposes.

From left to right. Breathe and choose the one(s) you can't keep your eyes off of.

TO ENHANCE ACCURACY BEFORE CHOOSING: Clear your mind. Time is now patient and still. Close your eyes, inhale deeply, fill your chest up to the fullest, feel the soft air brush up against the ridges of your nose. Breathe out.

Pile 1 | boomer mentality?

• change your ways. Bad habits, weak ways of thinking- sure, it’s uncomfortable. Growth is uncomfortable. Success is uncomfortable (I’m pretty sure someone super famous said that once maybe someone should remind me- 🤔) . You’ll find that if you look at things from a new perspective, a new angle, it’ll be beneficial for you in the long run. Just like looking at stress in a good way- there are studies on it that show that if you look at stress in a more positive way and use it to your advantage, you could really stretch out your life and live longer than those who were pessimistic about it (lol fun fact for you)

if you let go of the old, your luck will change. embrace these new changes, beliefs, environments, and people.

don’t keep your time and resources to yourself. allow for self reflection and transformations to happen!

big focus: don’t let history repeat itself. it’s time for a change! let go and let in.

—————————

Pile 2 | feeling stuck or stagnant

• pile 2, you tend to overthink everything. You let your mind run its course. That ain’t good news. It prevents you from reaching new heights- prevents you from even starting on something, just because of fear or even roots of perfectionism. There’s a huge lack of motivation, confidence, and trust in yourself- so much that even when I was pulling your cards they were hesitant to come out. it feels like russian roulette but it’s firing on its own. some people here might tend to overreact/throw a tantrum as well or be immature in situations that need sensibility (in this case, ya gotta take this time to mature.)

• I feel this group has trouble with balance in general. Nothing wrong with that on occasion but if that’s your default setting and you’re stuck in your mind all day, wondering about this and that—just a crazy clash of thoughts and ideas—ruminating and running around in a vicious cycle full of mental bullshit then it’s gonna stop you. It’s gonna stop you from growth, from achieving things, from getting started, from living life normally. That’s the bare minimum, isn’t it? All we gotta do is breathe and when life makes it hard, the brain works harder. The mind is truly the most dangerous thing and you have to embrace it, marinate in it, and pick at it. find out where the balance is between intuition, logic, and emotion.

you might feel restricted and the need to break free, but what you also need is a breather to calm down and assess yourself before making decisions. rmr, deep breaths.

•Do your own research, form your own opinions, figure out who you are, how you operate, and what you want in life. That’s how you begin to build character. That’s how you can move forward, even if it’s little by little. (A more stable foundation comes outta that too.)

big focus: practice self control. when they say “lead with your head,” they really mean the control center of logic, intuition, and emotion…but who’s doing more of the controlling here, you or your mind?

——————————

Pile 3 | “how could I miss that?”

• What you need to focus on is slowing down. it’s easy to miss things when we’re busy or taking on a lot of responsibilities. give yourself some love and care—tend to those inner callings. It’s good for your mental health as well. Remember: mental becomes physical.

• put yourself first for once. Connect with yourself and loved ones- go on one of them self dates- Yessir those exist 😳

• pile 3, you are easily the most efficient and speedy group- cards were legit being shuffled like they were being handled like a pro- but you know the con of that? You miss all the moments you could’ve had with friends, lovers, family. Yourself. You get to miss all the details because things are going too fast pow pow pow one after the other until it piles up and then you end up beating yourself up for small and simple mistakes…calm down and adjust yourself. You will be okay.

• I’m telling you fam- TAKE BREAKS. Give yourself moments to relax and rejuvenate before you push yourself!! You put too much pressure on yourself as it is

• connect with your inner feminine energy when you have the time—you gotta MAKE that time for yourself

• don’t be so neglectful in your relationships btw! Romantic, platonic, familial, wtv- learn how to manage your time so that you can separate work and assignments with social relations. Keep that communication up!! This includes your inner and outer voice. Reflect and acknowledge how you feel.

big focus: be more open minded to making new connections! spend more time with others. you’ll find emotional happiness and fulfillment in it :)

————————————

Ending Teddy note:

Hello hollywood people 😎 it has been a long minute! thank you for taking the time to read through this—YOU ARE AWESOME!!! Always remember to take what resonates and leave what doesn’t! I’ll cya fam ciao :)

[chocodile]

Amaranthine Magic System PART I: Remedial Magic For Beginners

This is Part III of a three-part worldbuilding set.

Part I (you are here) - Part II - Part III

Okay so… weird starting point, but do you remember these jerks from middle school math class? Function graphs! (I hated these things so much) The simplest possible function is a basic straight line, but by modifying the function, the graphed line can distort and take on all sorts of new shapes.

Magic is a lot like that.

The best way to describe spellcasting would be “filtering waves of energy”. Imagine a sine wave, oscillating up and down in a simple, predictable pattern. That is magical energy in its default state. It exists as background radiation throughout the whole world and permeates all living things… though some things conduct magic better or worse than others. (Magic has a lot in common with the electromagnetic spectrum in the real world)

What wizards do when they cast magic is that they amplify and tweak this ambient background energy in just the right way to contort it into a new form (lightning, a shockwave, fire, etc). The core nature of the energy doesn’t really change, but by exaggerating, filtering, and suppressing that oscillating wave in just the right amounts, in just the right places, in just the right order, it can be transformed into something very different than its base form. You could also think of it a bit like a musician playing a wind instrument, modulating the tone by covering and uncovering holes, or a puppetmaster pulling strings of a marionette—you need to deeply understand the physics at play and give each string just the right amount of slack and pull to make it do what you want.

The most common type of magical energy is magic in a neutral, passive state, just sort of existing passively as background radiation. Like the electromagnetic spectrum and gravity, it is deeply intertwined with how life evolved in this world, but also is so innate as to be largely unnoticeable. It is energy without a physical form. However, it can be harnessed and stored, given the right conduit. Under these circumstances it behaves similar to electricity.

Certain types of physical material are better at holding and manipulating magic than others. Substances that hold or amplify magic work because something about their physical molecular structure bends and filters the magic “waves” in a way that “traps” that energy inside of them, or amplifies the frequency of the waves. Nearly all crystalline structures and precious gems have some sort of magic-amplifying capability, with the best ones being highly prized and fetching crazy prices for large, pure specimens. Skilled Old Kingdom wizards could engineer such gemstones into Catalyst Stones, a special type of battery/amplifier that wizards could use to cast spells beyond their normal limits. Gemstones and crystals have been traditionally associated with wizards for this reason. However, they are far from the only material with a magical affinity—just one of the most easily recognizable.

…Additionally, other materials might have the opposite effect. Iron is well-known for its wizard-subduing properties. Simply being in a room with a large piece of iron makes a wizard feel ill and weakens their powers. Iron manacles and chains are commonly used to imprison criminal wizards. Not only do they aggressively drain magic from the air, matter, and flesh around them, they prevent the hand gestures that might allow a weakened mage to do any magical manipulation at all.

Magical energy is distributed throughout the world unevenly. Occasionally, the concentration of magic in an area is so high that the environment itself becomes effectively enchanted. A certain range of mountains might be rich in magical ores that have a subtle effect on how water in the region behaves, causing strangely shaped caves and ridges to form in the region. A woodland might be home to a large number of mushrooms that have adapted to make use of magic as a defense mechanism, causing the glen to disorient travelers who walk through it. Magic is infamous for distorting compass readings, too, forcing travelers to carry protective charms to keep their tools usable.

There are all sorts of weird subtle little things like that that can be caused by high concentrations of magic, and magically concentrated areas often have very unique biodiversity that evolved to make use of that specific environment. Discovering, exploring, studying, and documenting these regions is of great interest to many magical scholars (as well as the state interests sometimes backing them, of course).

Magic can do a lot of weird stuff in Amaranthine, but it isn’t as open-ended as most other types of fantasy magic. Things like turning oneself into a dragon are no more possible than they are in real life (unfortunately for some who may wish otherwise). You can get pretty creative with it, and there are surely techniques yet undiscovered that even Hyden doesn’t know about, but no matter how fancy your spellcasting gets, it’ll always just be “manipulating waves of energy”.

[shikiii-skadi]

Hey can do yandere levi ackerman and hang Zoe and Erwin please

INCLUDES: levi ackermann, erwin smith, hanji zoe WARNINGS: Yandere content, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, abuse, possessiveness, obsessiveness, stalking, clinginess, delusion, paranoia, overprotectiveness, mentions of kidnapping, death, manipulation, gas-lighting, murder, suicide, cannibalism, mutilation NAVIGATION: Attack on Titan Masterlist | part 1 (eren, mikasa, christa, armin)

Levi Ackermann:

Typ of Yandere:

Overprotective: More than anything, he wants you to survive. More than anyone, he knows how brutal the world is out there. Man-eating titans or people who are as disgusting as animals, he has seen it all. And Levi also knows how weak you are in comparison. You could never get through this, not without him protecting you. That is why he has made it his mission to prevent you from being on the list of the dead as well. And he will do it as long as he is able to.

Rude: The biggest tsundere-yandere out there. He still calls you an idiot and is not above criticizing you harshly for doing something stupid in his eyes. Honestly, sometimes you really wonder if it's true when he says he loves you. But given the fact that he is a yandere, that is a question you ask yourself only briefly lol.

Dependence: Honestly, this man is just miserable. he lost everything so many times that he stopped counting. Is it an excuse for the way he treats you? No. But you can understand why. He clings to the little bit of luck he still has in his life. You are like the air he needs to breathe. Without you, he'd be like a fish trapped on dry land.

How and when started the obsession:

It takes a long time for Levi to let you get close to him, but once that hurdle is crossed, it doesn't take long for him to snap given the world you both live in.

Do they know that their feelings are unhealthy/not normal?

To a certain degree, yes. But he would consider it natural that he wants to protect you with every fiber of his being.

How far are they willing to go?

Murder: Levi is definitely capable of killing someone without much difficulty. And when it comes to your safety and well-being, he wouldn't hesitate for a second. However, Levi would not kill any potential rivals.

Hurting you: No, Levi would never hurt you physically. However, his blunt words are another story.

Blackmail: If something were to arise, then yes, but Levi wouldn't go out of his way to dig things up. But he would definitely use his position to make sure you are in his squad or don't participate in certain missions.

Kidnapping: It wouldn't be his first choice to kidnap you, because generally, Levi wants you to be happy and do the things you like (as long as you don't put yourself in danger that is). But if you two reach a point where Levi feels that you simply can't learn from your mistakes and continue to act recklessly over and over again, then he will see no other option than to physically restrain you. So that you are no longer a danger to yourself.

Final stage: Honestly the person who is responsible for your death, should just kill themselves before Levi has the chance to get them himself. He will not let them get away. It could take years and Levi would still be as adamant to make the person, who killed you suffer. He would never forget and in the end, he would get to them, no matter where they might try to flee to. The world is too small to hide from Levi Ackermann.

What is it overall like to have them as a Yandere?

As mentioned earlier, Levi is just miserable. He is so out of touch with his feelings that he would probably never confess his feelings to you on his own and you would have to make the first move. Which is why a scenario of rejection is unlikely. If you were to correctly interpret his behavior and tell him that you don't love him, it would hurt him a lot inside, but he wouldn't do anything to you. He wouldn't kidnap you or pressure you into a relationship. Levi doesn't have a high opinion of himself in that regard and probably doesn't think he's worthy of your companionship anyway. He would still stay by your side and protect you, but he doesn't expect anything in return. Knowing that you're safe is good enough for him.

Levi is probably one of the better Yanderes to have. Apart from his overprotectiveness he is pretty reasonable and will actually listen to you if you have complaints.

Erwin Smith:

Typ of Yandere:

Manipulative: This man has a way with words. He could bring someone to jump willingly off a cliff if he wanted to. The key word here is "if he wanted to". I have a hard time imagining that he would ever manipulate you. He is too controlled and aware of himself for that.

Stalker: Because of his position as the Commander of the Survey Corps, he doesn't have a lot of time to stalk you. But it is his favorite free time activity. Just watching you do your daily tasks fills him with more joy than you could ever imagine.

Disappearance: Every day anew he sends soldiers to their death. He is convinced that he does not deserve you and that you will be better off with someone else. Which is why he will eventually leave you. It is even more likely that he has never approached at all.

How and when started the obsession:

Erwin feels lonely deep down. And sometimes he finds himself wishing he had someone by his side. But because of his opinion of himself, he never brought himself to change your relationship as comrades into something deeper. It was only a matter of time before all these suppressed emotions grew into something unhealthy.

Do they know that their feelings are unhealthy/not normal?

Yes and no. He was already conflicted enough with his normal feelings, so he didn't notice the change in the beginning.

How far are they willing to go?

Murder: No, never. It would never even cross his mind.

Hurting you: He would never do that either.

Blackmail: Even if he doesn't like to admit it, there have been situations where he has taken advantage of his position and made sure that this one person, who obviously was interested in you, suddenly stays miles away from you.

Kidnapping: If he wanted, he would be able to make you disappear without anyone finding even a trace of you ever again. But before it would ever come to that, he would have already distanced himself from you.

Final stage: Not even a single hair on your head would be harmed during the whole time of his obsession. Even in the end, he would never think of killing you. Maybe he thought about ending his own life in desperate hours, but he never went through with it. After all, he still had a dream.

What is it overall like to have them as a Yandere?

Honestly, you probably never really noticed his intense feelings. The worst thing that can happen to you with him is that someone from your circle of acquaintances suddenly turns away from you for reasons unknown to you.

Hanji Zoe:

Typ of Yandere:

Manipulative: Hanji is a master of gaslighting and other manipulative tactics, due to their high intelligence. As soon as you have the slightest idea about their real intentions, they immediately make you doubt yourself. They twist stories, deny things, and immediately accuse you of those actions yourself. Hanji can predict your every move. They are always one step ahead of you. Not in a million years could you ever outsmart them. It's a game for them, honestly.

Bizarre-Seeking: Of course, someone like Hanji, who is already considered strange by many for her nature anyway, must have strange preferences. When it comes to things like strands of hair, you might be able to overlook it, but she definitely collects gross things too, like your fingernails or blood. Hanji has a whole shrine filled with your things. It is their most precious possession, next to you, of course.

Restraints: The amount of time you spend with Hanji is never enough for them. It was only a matter of time before Hanji decided that the best thing for you would be to never leave their side again. Preferably, they tie you directly to them, but if that's not possible, then a chair or the like is fine for a short time.

How and when started the obsession:

I mean, Hanji has always been a little…. strange. You probably never know them any other way. But their obsession with you started when you listened to them talk for hours about Titan experiments.

Do they know that their feelings are unhealthy/not normal?

No, they don't. Hanji thinks it's completely normal to feel this way about their significant other. They don't even think it's weird that they collect your fingernails and such. If you judge them for it, then they rather think that you are the weird one. After all, why should Hanji waste such precious things or not pay any attention to them at all?

How far are they willing to go?

Murder: Hanji would definitely kill people who stand in their way. And God have mercy on anyone they chose to kill. Hanji shows no mercy and no one will ever see the mutilated remains of their victims again. Unless they choose for their own amusement to send the victim's relatives the head.

Hurting you: Should you repeatedly try to leave their side, then Hanji is not above breaking your ankles, or legs, should she see it as more fitting. Just because you've won their love and affection doesn't mean you're saved from their more violent traits. In fact, it is quite the opposite - it just makes you more interesting. There are times when Hanji tortures you or acts out their strange tendencies and cuts off your fingers to add them to their shrine. If you cry the whole time and mess up your beautiful eyes with tears, then it's better if Hanji cuts them out for you to preserve their beauty, right?

Blackmail: In case of minor incidents or at the beginning of your relationship, Hanji usually manipulated you, not infrequently with blackmail. In the later stage, however, they rather choose physical violence. So they usually only blackmail you for fun.

Kidnapping: Hanji will definitely kidnap you and bind you to them forever. There is no other outcome.

Final stage: Hanji can accidentally kill you if she tries to cut anything off of you to be able to keep it. But if you keep rejecting them or even start hating them, they will see no other way than to kill you. Now she can shape you the way she wants. Your body will remain with her forever, as the most beautiful part of her shrine. Should you die due to natural causes, then she will eat your dead body so that you can finally be one again.

What is it overall like to have them as a Yandere?

Hanji is definitely the worst and most dangerous yandere of them all. Every one of your friends and family members runs the risk of being brutally murdered by them. And even you are not spared. The possibility that you die as her darling is incredibly high. And should you not be dead, then you are highly mutilated and disfigured. With them you always walk on eggshells, afraid of what they might do. In addition, you never have a free minute from them, because they always have you near them, if not directly tied to them.

[signanothername]

Why do you like Killer?

*Cracks knuckles* get ready

I don’t like Killer, I fucking LOVE HIM

He’s my number 1 fave au sans and has been for a very long time

Now to be clear, I’m talking about canon Killer here, i have mixed feelings about some fanon interpretations, some are good and i genuinely love them, others not so much

That being said, let’s actually talk about why i love my beautiful amazing wonderful son <3333

(All art used in this post is by Killer’s creator: Rahafwabas)

The very first hook for me is his very concept, the mere idea of a sans basically agreeing to go on a killing spree after so many genocide runs is just *chef’s kiss*

Killer knew it was wrong, he knew he shouldn’t, yet he did

Killer doomed himself by his choice, he could’ve stayed as “sans” but he chose to accept Chara’s offer, yet his choice came to be after he saw no point in refusing anymore (important addition and a correction here)

The canon comics had Killer saying that he’s the way he is cause he gave up, he said “you won, you’re the reason I’m like this”, he’s been on so many genocide runs that he felt a little part of him die each run, only to give up and go on said killing spree

It’s interesting how the player is a big part of Killer’s story, cause whether Chara was involved or not, the player is the root cause of his suffering

But what i love the most is that regardless of his backstory or reasons, Killer’s actions led to their inevitable consequences, and it forever changed him

The biggest change? His very soul, it went from a normal monster soul to his signature target soul, infused with Determination, something that supposedly hurts monsters, it’s almost like his soul was infected with it, and you can see how it physically affects him with the black liquid that constantly comes out his eyes, nose and mouth, and even at times, that sludge is too much that he chokes on it

And the amusing yet tragic parallel? Killer aimed to “feel something new” by his genocide runs, only to end up not feeling anything at all, at least at his default stage 2

Which brings me to the concept of his soul’s stages

I love Killer’s stages so so much, it’s such a beautiful unique and wonderful concept

Killer’s individual stages are sooooo intriguing to me, it shows Killer in a different light each time depending on which stage he’s in, stage 1 is the closest he is to being “sans”, the closest to he used to be, he can feel emotions and is generally back to his more lazy bones attitude, as well as his ability to actually show sympathy, and feel the pain he’s always in, but what’s interesting is that regardless of the fact he’s the closest to his old self in this stage, it’s still so clear that Killer isn’t really “sans” anymore, that no matter what, he truly had changed in a way that can never be reversed, a point of no return, even when Color saves him, cause his new habits? His fears? His pain? His trauma? They can never be taken away, Killer has to live with the scars of what he experienced

Stage 2 is who he’d become, he can’t feel anything at this stage, emotions nonexistent, and his nonchalant behavior towards himself and others is most apparent here, a parallel I like to think of is that Killer’s inability to feel anything at all is almost like prolonged sensory deprivation, when you’re deprived of sensory input/ simulation for long periods, your brain needs compensate, and so it does its job, Killer’s soul prevents him from feeling so he resorts to other methods (usually very self destructive) to compensate for his lack of emotional capacity

I also really really love how that especially during stage 2, Killer isn’t trustworthy, cause in stage 1 you can actually trust him to an extent, in stage 2 Killer’s actions, behaviors and mindset are completely unpredictable, but not because he’s random, cause he’s actually extremely calculated, yet regardless, his carelessness when it comes to his own life and other people’s lives is dialed to an 11 here, so he could either choose to kill/attack or simply stay and listen

we even get an actual in depth look at how Killer’s mind works in one of the canon comics, in which Killer contemplates whether to attack Dream or not as he listens to his own stages in his head, one of which tells him to Kill Dream, while the other tells Killer to talk to Dream first

How Killer comes to a final decision on whether he attacks or not is something I believe his calculated mind makes depending on the situation and the pros/cons of what act he chooses, Killer is pretty smart, he knows when to let his trigger happy self out and when to settle down

Stage 3 or the “crazy stage” is the stage in which he’d attack anyone in his way whether friend or foe, we unfortunately don’t have much canon info regarding this stage, but that ain’t gonna stop me from analyzing the shit outta it (and talk about how i perceive it)

I like to think of this stage as the combination between stage 1 and 2, yet it’s almost like his soul can’t truly decide on which stage to settle on and by extension founding stage 3 as a separate stage by itself, Killer becomes extremely unstable at this stage, his soul moves rapidly and it’s obvious he’s in pain cause of it, whether that pain is just emotional or both physical and emotional isn’t really clear, yet i’d like to believe it’s both, and i feel like Killer’s capacity to attack anyone at this stage is related to that pain, and something I really love to believe is that Killer can’t calm down enough to settle back to stage 1 or 2 unless he either wears himself out by fighting someone, or he’s left alone to his own demons long enough to pull himself together, if he were to be forcefully restrained during this stage, it would only serve to make it worse and prolong the time he stays that way (cough something i may or may not have made a quick comic about but never shared as always vjvjvjj)

Not to mention, one of the canonical responses Killer gives when asked if he’s ok at stage 3 seems to make Killer alternate between answers he wants to give between saying he’s “fine” and “i don’t know” which makes sense, Killer isn’t stable at all, it’s almost like his stage 1 self and stage 2 self are fighting over who gets to talk (stage 2 seems more dominant)

Yet the fact Killer is able to answer and comprehend his surroundings enough at this stage is very intriguing to me, cause it shows how much Killer is able to handle/endure (which is A LOT cause damn) and not only that, but it also gives us a very clear difference between this stage and stage 4

As for stage 4?? Woooh boi, it’s the stage I like to call “plunging into darkness”

We also don’t have much canon info about this stage, but one of the things i find interesting is the fact Killer deliberately keeps it a secret from everyone, when he tells Color about his stages, he only tells him up to stage 3, never bringing up stage 4, only for Chara to sneer at Killer that he shouldn’t keep it from his new BFF

It’s obvious Killer himself is very uncomfortable with the subject of stage 4, it’s apparent that it’s a stage that he rarely gets to, but it still bothers him enough to not want to even mention it, which makes sense, cause the comic we had of stage 4 shows that Killer gets to that stage when he’s reminded of all the murders he committed, and unsurprisingly, when he’s reminded of his brother, as what triggered this stage is actually a memory of Papyrus telling Sans to “see a puzzle”, only to be followed by memories of screams of anger, fear, and hatred of those he killed immediately afterwards, stage 4 is heavily related to his trauma

Not to mention it’s clear that when Killer gets to stage 4 he blacks out, he’s completely unaware of anything he does during this stage, and is only left to deal with the aftermath when he gets back to his senses, the fact it’s also a stage that seems to be “getting worse” is something that Killer definitely seems to hate

It sometimes makes me think whether Killer had gotten into trouble cause he killed someone Nightmare wanted alive while at this stage, cause with how he keeps it a secret, I’d assume Nightmare would be unaware of it for a while (comic idea perhaps >:) )

But y’know what’s better than talking about the stages?? Talking about Killer’s personality, behaviors and trauma

Killer can’t distinguish between what’s real or not, and it’s obvious he sometimes sees the world in the third person, as in he’s not completely there at times, not to mention the amount of voices he hears in his head, from his stages talking to him to hallucinations of Chara, Frisk and Papyrus, and oooh boi does he hate these hallucinations, the past obviously haunts Killer and it’s something he tries running away from constantly, yet he can never truly run from it when it follows him everywhere

Killer has a smile on his face most the time, but his attitude changes especially when Chara is mentioned, or when he’s reminded of his past in any way, he literally avoids food that reminds of his past life as “sans”, he freezes up at certain phrases such as “best friend” (something i also made a comic about that i never shared chchhchc)

He just absolutely hates to be reminded of the person he used to be, of all the things he used to have, cause in truth? They were all taken away from him by his own hands, only to be then forced to work under Nightmare, who only ensures that he never finds peace of mind

And the sad part? Killer let’s all those things hurt him, he lets Nightmare have his way with him, he lets Chara torment him, cause he thinks he deserves it, and most importantly, he deluded himself into believing that this is what he wants because it’s what everyone else wants, because it’s what the player wants

Killer even sometimes tries to force himself not to feel anything, cause come on, since when does he feel anything at all?

Killer, to put it bluntly, hates himself, and he thinks that his suffering is the Karma of what he’s done, and even at one point, he was going to erase himself out of existence cause he believed that’s what he deserved, as in Killer thought of himself as unworthy when it comes to Papyrus, that his brother doesn’t need him, that his brother is better off without him, hell he even tells Color that he needs to kill him if he ever reaches stage 3, it’s an obvious “ i want someone to put me outta my misery” attitude

Killer feels hopeless, and so he lets himself suffer thinking he can’t ever find peace or hope again

Yet the interesting part? You’d never know that Killer hates himself unless you’re a being of emotions (Nightmare and Dream) or someone who’s perceptive enough to notice Killer’s self-loathing like Color, that’s how good of an actor Killer can be, you’d think he’s a cold emotionaless killer but the truth only shines to those who actually can see through his act

Killer just has that amazing character depth and his story is genuinely so unique and beautiful, cause you in his story you can find details of other details within the details vhvhvjvj

All that? Mixed with really adorable little things like his love for cats, his silly attitude, his nonchalance with Nightmare, his capacity to be social with whoever, and his friendship with color? That is why I love Killer Anon <33333

[bambisworlds]

the winter soldier's weakness

bucky and y/n have been free from Hydra for two years, trying to make a life of their own. but that becomes a struggle when bucky is framed for a bombing (3,036 word count)

*I might make this into a series :)

content warnings, mdni 18+

both bucky and user are victims of hydra, violence, husband!bucky, telekinetic!reader, telepathic!reader, established relationship, PTSD struggles, brief mention of sexual assault, kidnapping, psychological and physical torture, angst, let me know if i forgot anything x

my masterlist

Bucky and Y/n have been free from Hydra for nearly two years and are beginning to build their own lives. When Hydra took Bucky in the 1940s, they couldn't get him to break in the way they wanted. They weren't able to remove his humanity entirely. No matter how often they wiped his mind, Bucky never forgot his wife. His mind clung to her memory, and they knew they couldn't control him without her.

Growing up, Steve, Bucky, and Y/n were a trio—best friends. They were inseparable. But as time passed and they got older, Bucky and Y/n's friendship became romantic. Bucky and Y/n married shortly before Bucky was sent off to war.

Hydra kidnapped Y/n from her and Bucky's home in Brooklyn and began running experiments on her shortly after Bucky was brought into their containment. She developed similar abilities as Wanda Maximoff, but her power was inconsequential compared to what Wanda would come to be. Nevertheless, they used Y/n as a bargaining chip to get The Winter Soldier to cooperate; they made her his partner on his missions. Or, they would threaten to kill her if he didn't complete the missions he was sent on. Even in the dark ocean that was The Winter Soldier's mind, his subconscious still clung to his love for Y/n.

Y/n never became a hardened killer like Bucky; she, too, clung to her humanity. But she knew if she refused to complete her orders, she would be tortured or killed. Or worse, they would torture Bucky to punish her.

Y/n had been sent with Bucky when instructed to kill Steve Rogers and prevent him from stopping the Heli carrier launch. So, when all was said and done, Bucky dragged Steve and Y/n from the river. He left Steve behind but scooped Y/n up in his arms and set off with her. However, Steve doesn't know that the woman with Bucky is Y/n because she wears a mask like Bucky.

Ever since, the two have been trying to put the pieces of their new life together while overcoming their PTSD and mind control. They wanted to start over and be good people. The longer they went without getting their minds wiped, the more memories from their life together in the 1940s came back. All they wanted was to live a semi-normal life as husband and wife and leave their life with Hydra behind them.

Y/n and Bucky were having a typical day, or their version of normal, when they saw an article in the newspaper saying Bucky had bombed a building in Vienna. The two of them quickly returned to their apartment, preparing to flee and find somewhere off the grid to live, when Bucky stopped midstep, gripping Y/n's arm as his eyes landed on Steve Rogers, who stood in the middle of their apartment.

Steve turned to look at the two of them, and he flinched at the sight of Y/n, who was positioned protectively behind Bucky. "You're..." Steve muttered to himself as he looked at Y/n, blinking rapidly as if she would disappear. "You're alive." He gaped, and Y/n shifted on her feet nervously. "When I came out of the ice, I looked for you... they said you died of natural causes in 1998. But you're..." He swallowed roughly, trying to decipher if she even remembered him or if Bucky did, for that matter.

"Do you know me?" Steve asked the two of them. Bucky swallowed roughly, nudging Y/n further behind him. He wasn't sure of Steve's intentions. The last thing the two of them wanted was to be drug off to some facility and get their minds picked apart by doctors. Bucky would rather die than let Y/n be subjected to another form of captivity. She was struggling immensely with her PTSD, maybe more so than Bucky, and he refused to put her in a distressing environment like a psychiatric facility where the two of them would be separated. All they knew was each other.

"You're Steve. I read about you in a museum," Bucky says flatly, his metal hand resting possessively over Y/n's abdomen to keep her behind him.

"Is that all you know about me? What you read in the museum?" Steve asks, his voice trembling slightly as he looks between them. Y/n looked up at Bucky anxiously as they heard a voice say, 'They set the perimeter' in Steve's earpiece. An average person wouldn't have been able to catch it, but they both had enhanced hearing.

He's come to take us away. Y/n said telepathically to Bucky, jumping to conclusions. He's distracting us so they can trap us.

"The bombing... we didn't do it," Bucky says cautiously, his hand still blocking Y/n from moving closer to Steve.

"The people who think you did are coming here now, and they're not planning on taking you alive," Steve warns, and Bucky bristles.

"Nobody's laying a finger on her," Bucky says lowly, and Y/n shifts on her feet anxiously as she hears people outside their apartment.

Steve scrambles for something to say as the authorities surround the apartment, "You pulled me from the river, why?" he demands. Bucky ignores him, pulling Y/n against him in a protective gesture.

"We're getting out of here," Bucky mutters quietly to her, and she nods. Using her telekinetic abilities, she pulls her and Bucky's emergency bags across the room and into their hands. Bucky quickly puts on his backpack, and so does Y/n.

Y/n gasps, and Bucky cradles her head with his hands as two grenades get thrown through the window, but Steve quickly covers the grenades with his shield, stopping the blow.

Officers and agents begin to breach the apartment. Driven by pure instinct, Y/n begins to fling the men out of their way as Bucky leads her out, using his strength to force the men out of their path. "Stay behind me, baby," Bucky calls over his shoulder as he punches one of the men into the wall. Y/n glances back, catching a glimpse of Steve fighting off the men in her and Bucky's apartment.

Y/n takes Bucky's hand and uses her telekinetic powers to propel them flyingly down the many flights of stairs. Once they land on solid ground, Bucky takes her hand and hastily leads her towards the exit, punching his way through the row of men while Y/n shoves any other lingering threats out of the way with her powers.

The minute they step out of the apartment building, they're surrounded by hundreds of men with large guns and a helicopter hovering over them. In the middle of the wall of men was T'Challa. Bucky comes to a halt, Y/n bumping into his back. He spins around, grabbing Y/n's wrist to take her with him as he attempts to escape through the building, but Steve is blocking his way.

"If you fight it, you'll only make it worse," Steve tries to reason. Bucky's breathing was erratic, driven by the desire to keep Y/n out of harm's way. Y/n looked around at the people surrounding them, holding onto Bucky's jacket tightly.

"She's my wife, Steve," Bucky pleads with him, hoping he'll somehow give them a way to escape.

The agents close in on them, knocking Bucky and Y/n to their knees as they cuff them. The officers had unique cuffs designed to remove Y/n's mutant abilities so she couldn't use mind control on the men. She nearly fell forward once the cuffs were secure, growing weak from the debilitating handcuffs.

"Buck..." she mutters weakly.

"Take those cuffs off of her!" Bucky demands, fighting against the officers who were trying to subdue him. Hydra often used similar cuffs on Y/n so she couldn't escape, so he knew how weak they made her. Not to mention, they were a PTSD trigger for her.

"It's for our protection until you're both evaluated," one of the officers insists as they yank Y/n to her feet, her legs wobbling beneath her. Her breathing grows shallow as she realizes she cannot defend herself, panic brewing in her gut.

Seeing Y/n's distress, Bucky fights harder against the men as they restrain him. Bucky grunts angrily, realizing he can't fight off all these men, "I'm right here, doll. Just breathe, baby," Bucky calls to her, his voice shaking with barely contained rage, "You don't need to use those fucking cuffs on her," Bucky growls as they pull him to his feet.

"She's unstable. We can't risk her using her abilities on us," one of the men says as they start shoving Y/n and Bucky toward the transportation vehicles, tugging Steve Rogers and Sam Wilson behind them. Silent tears began to stream down Y/n's face as she tried to look over her shoulder at Bucky.

"I know, baby," Bucky said as he caught a glimpse of her face. "I'm right here, it's gonna be okay," he said, his voice tinged with desperation.

She nods slightly as she's shoved into the vehicle. She could see Steve, Sam, and T'Challa being put into a van behind theirs out of the corner of her eye.

The officers force Y/n and Bucky into the vehicle, strapping them into restraints so they could hardly move. Y/n's breathing was erratic, and her body trembled as they finished strapping her in. Hydra agents used to strap her down to partially keep her from escaping but also so she couldn't move when they did vile things to her.

They strapped Bucky into the seat opposite hers so they were facing each other. "Please, " Y/n whispered to herself, unsure of what she'd be pleading for.

Bucky's eyes bore into her face, "I'm right here with you, doll. I'm right here. Nothing's gonna happen while I'm here," he promised, his body trembling with the urge to touch her.

"I don't like this," Y/n says, her voice trembling. Bucky grimaced from her sob, the sound cutting through him like a knife.

"I know, but we're gonna be alright. We have each other. That's all we need," Bucky says to reassure her and himself. He knew he had to try to keep her calm.

"I heard them say they're going to separate us when we get there," she says shakily, "They're scared I'll influence your answers when they evaluate us."

When they arrived at the facility, the two were separated. Y/n was put in an office with Steve Rogers and Sam Wilson. Y/n sat at the table in the office, tapping her foot anxiously. She hasn't been away from Bucky for at least 70 years. Even when they were trapped in Hydra's facilities, they were still together.

"What happened? How are you alive?" Steve asks Y/n.

"Isn't it obvious?" she asks rhetorically as she watches the footage of Bucky getting evaluated.

"I'm sorry," Steve says earnestly. Y/n glances away from the screen, nodding in acknowledgment at Steve, before focusing back on the video of Bucky, "How did you end up with Hydra?" Steve asks cautiously.

Y/n sighs, fiddling with the cheap wedding band on her finger. She and Bucky got them not too long ago since they couldn't afford wedding rings. Hydra took their real ones away in the 40s, "After Bucky was subjected to all of the experiments, he became the perfect weapon. The only problem was he wouldn't obey them; even with his mind wiped, he kept trying to break free from where he was kept. To get to me," she says, "I guess they thought he would listen to them if I was under their control. So, they took me. The rest is history." she explains, looking back at the screen.

"Here's a receipt for your gear," Sharon Carter says as she enters the office, handing a paper to Sam.

"Bird costume? Come on," Sam scoffs.

"I didn't write it," Sharon says as she subtly turns the audio to the video on so they can hear. Y/n had tried to turn it on with her abilities, but the cuffs were still firmly placed on her wrists so that she couldn't access her powers. She was defenseless without them. She wasn't a skilled fighter like Bucky and didn't have super strength, either.

Y/n perks up in her seat as the audio comes through, "I'm not here to judge you. I just want to ask you a few questions. Do you know where you are, James?" the interviewer asks, only to be meant with silence, "I can't help you if you don't talk to me, James."

"My name is Bucky," Bucky says weakly. Y/n fidgets in her seat. She wants to be with him and help him. She watches the screen intently, reading his every microexpression as Steve talks with Sharon and Sam.

"Why would Task Force release this photo to begin with?" Steve asks.

"Get the word out, involve as many eyes as we can?" Sharon suggests.

"Right. It's a good way to flush two people out of hiding. Set off a bomb, get your picture taken. You get seven billion people looking for the Winter Soldier." Steve says.

"He didn't bomb anything," Y/n says defensively.

"So, someone framed him to find him?" she asks.

"We looked for Bucky for two years and found nothing," Sam adds.

"We didn't bomb the UN. That turns a lot of heads," Steve quips.

"Yeah, but that doesn't guarantee that whoever framed him would get him. It guarantees that we would," Sharon says, and their heads turn toward the screen.

"You need to take these off me," Y/n begs Sharon as she rises from her seat, holding her wrists before her, "If Bucky turns into... him... I'll need to use my powers."

"I can't do that," Sharon says seconds before the building lights go off. Everyone freezes.

"Take them off!" Y/n demands shakily. Sharon sighs and types a code onto the cuffs, making them pop open. The minute the cuffs are off, Y/n's mind searches the facility for Bucky in an attempt to locate him. She knew he would be racked with guilt if he accidentally hurt someone. She wanted to stop that from happening.

"Sub-level five, East Wing," Sharon says, and Y/n immediately takes off in that direction. Steve and Sam are hot on her trail. While she runs through the halls and down flights of stairs, she tries to reach out to Bucky with her mind, but she's met with a mental wall. He wasn't Bucky anymore.

"I need to find him," Y/n says frantically as she rounds a corner, Steve and Sam trailing behind her, "And you can't be there when I do," she says firmly. Y/n stops in her tracks as she spots the interviewer lying on the floor, weakly asking for help. Rage boils up in her stomach, and she launches him up with her powers, yanking him over until he is hovering in front of her. He gasped for air, her powers cutting off his oxygen supply, "Where is he?" she demanded.

"Y/n, stop," Steve tries to reason, but he's thrown into the wall by The Winter Soldier. Y/n immediately drops the interviewer onto the floor with a thud and whirls around to face Bucky.

"Солдат! (soldier)," Y/n addressed Bucky. He froze at the sound of her voice, releasing Steve as he slowly turned to face her, "Он не наш враг. (he's not our enemy)," she said gently, approaching him cautiously.

"Y/n," Bucky mutters, standing like a statue as Y/n walks over to him.

She smiles softly, holding her hands up in a submissive gesture, "Ты знаешь, я бы никогда не причинил тебе вреда (you know I would never hurt you)," she says softly as she carefully takes one of his hands in hers, "Моя задача защитить тебя, а ты защитить меня (it's my task to protect you, and for you to protect me)," she says as she interlinks their fingers. Steve rose to his feet slowly, watching anxiously. Bucky's head snaps in Steve's direction, his hands quickly grabbing Y/n to yank her behind him.

"Нет, нет! Он не угроза (no, no! he's not a threat)," Y/n says quickly, tugging on the back of Bucky's shirt.

"Steve Rogers враг Гидры, угроза для вас (Steve Rogers is an enemy to Hydra, a threat to you)," Bucky says, his voice void of emotion.

"Нет (no)," Y/n says softly but firmly, turning Bucky to look at her, "Он твой друг (he's your friend)," she insists. Bucky's eyes scan over her face with an almost medical-grade sense. Y/n smiles softly, thinking he's understanding, until he lifts her and throws her over his shoulder. She yelps in surprise; Bucky punches Steve with his free arm, knocking him to the ground, "Bucky, stop!" Y/n says, fighting against his grip.

Bucky forces his way out of the building, holding Y/n firmly over his shoulder. In a moment of desperation, Y/n slips into Bucky's mind. She floods his thoughts with memories of them as children and teenagers, some including Steve, then memories of them together in Bucharest. Bucky stumbles slightly, still holding onto Y/n firmly.

Bucky shudders, letting out a shaky breath as he loosens his grip on Y/n so she can stand again. Bucky blinks rapidly as if he's trying to decipher what's real.

"It's okay," Y/n says gently, reaching up to rest her hand on the side of his face but he grabs her wrist roughly. His eyes snap to her face, and he lets out a puff of air. He realizes it's only her, and he releases her wrist. "You're safe," she says softly, resting her hand on his face.

"We're not safe as long as we're here," Bucky says gruffly, glancing around the building. Y/n lets out a shaky breath, rubbing the side of his face with her thumb, "I don't want to be a weapon anymore," he says with a tremble in his voice, "I want to live a life. With you," he swallows roughly.

Y/n smiles and stands on her tiptoes to rest her forehead against his, "We can live whatever life we want." she whispers. Bucky shuts his eyes, exhaling shakily.

Steve approaches the two of them cautiously, clutching his side from the harsh blow he received when Bucky knocked him to the ground, "I can help you," he says shakily, "I can help you hide. Please."

if you have any requests including the people on my masterlist please comment them below any of my posts or in my submissions!! (check here: about my blog  to see what things i'm not comfortable with in regards to requests <3)

[intimidating-fettuccine]

AHH OKAY what if there was Yandere Jeff and Tony who had a darling that was also a yandere for them? idk if you've answered this before

I know you meant Toby but seeing Tony made me laugh very hard (but I also misspell his name like that lol). Giving you some toxic yandere boys with equally toxic partners today <3 I hope you enjoy, I was pretty hyped for this request

Jeff:

Yandere Jeff wouldn't know what to do with himself in this situation. He's incredibly emotionally unstable in general, but he's also inherently distrustful of you, so he can't tell if you actually mean the affections you're trying to give him, or if you're trying to manipulate him. This will in the beginning cause a LOT of problems on your end, as Jeff's anger issues are going to skyrocket, and his physical abuse and violence toward you is going to increase for a little bit because his twisted brain tries to convince him you're just trying to trick him. However, you sit there and take it, because you love him. You always assure him that it's okay, that he can take as much time as he needs to believe you, and you'll still love him all the same, after all, his violence is another expression of his love for you. Your words following the beatings you receive are the thing that finally starts to crack Jeff's disbelief that you could possibly love him back, and over time, he'll calm the fuck down a bit, and be much less aggressive toward you.

However, the clinginess that occurs from this will be the replacement. He needs you right beside him, 24/7, with every single ounce of your attention. You love him, don't you? You said you wanted to be with him, didn't you? Then that means your brain should be filled with only thoughts of him, just as his is filled with only thoughts of you. Of course, you obey him, though. Being showered in his attention and having him spend so much time with you is all you've ever wished for, and now you get to be by his side forever. The new downside to this is that if you ever decide you don't want to be by his side for any amount of time, the anger comes back even worse than before. Why would you need space? He's the only thing you need in life, so why don't you want him? Were you lying to him? Were you trying to trick him? You're back at square one, but all the same, you'll subserviently take it, because your beloved is giving you all of his attention. So long as you're good and stay by his side, every moment of every day forever, you'll be just fine, physically, at least. Emotionally, or mentally? Perhaps not, with your obsessions feeding into each other and making you worse, but at least you're in love.

Toby:

I feel like this could go one of two ways. If you become a yandere for Toby BEFORE he ends up locking you up somewhere, I feel like he'd actually be a much more tolerable yandere than I traditionally write him as. He's got the reassurance, from how clingy you are with him, how you're always checking in on him so obsessively, how you've got the same possessive look in your eyes that he has when he looks at you. In this instance, I don't think he'd feel the need to chain you up somewhere. You're already with him as often as you can be, begging to be by his side just as he begs to be by yours, so he feels secure. He could continue living in the mansion (although of course, everyone notices how codependent and toxic your relationship seems, even just from the outside where they don't even see everything), and be completely content to continue living "normally" with you. So long as you continue to have only eyes for him, and allow him to control pretty much every single aspect of your life willingly, he doesn't get too bad compared to someone like Jeff.

But then, there's the second way, and if you only become a yandere for him AFTER he locks you away, he will be far, far worse. By the time you're chained up where he hides you, he's already escalated to breaking your legs to prevent you from escaping and enjoying his love for biting into you and causing you physical pain and suffering. If you become a yandere for him during this, it's going to reinforce in his brain that he's doing the right thing. He might stop breaking your legs after a certain period of time, sure, but his other violent tendencies only increase. You like it, don't you? How he looks covered in your blood, the pain he forces you to feel, you enjoy it so much, don't you? Of course you do. You've become so conditioned into it that you don't even resist him anymore. You allow him to mark and ruin your body in any way that he wants to because he's just showing you how much he loves you. You love him too, so it's only fair you willfully accept anything he has to offer you, and you do so with no resistance. He's so overjoyed that you've finally learned to accept your place beneath him, and it only encourages the twisted, broken parts of his mind, but you don't really mind. After all, your mind is starting to look the exact same way, and it makes you both quite euphoric.

[radiance1]

I've been thinking about it for a good bit and, well. I've realized that because of my status as the originater of said idea I, in fact, can make an alternative route to said idea.

Alright, so we know that Danny can turn into an eastern dragon, and that prince Aragon, who can turn into a western dragon, wants to marry him because of that and also political power and status.

So, what if Danny lost that battle? The battle that nailed it in the coffin that he had to run away from the life he was currently living because Aragon somehow managed to get on a level of strength where he could beat Danny and marry him?

Danny quite literally had to be dragged kicking and screaming when the day he had to marry Aragon came. He didn't care who it was, he clawed, bite, hit and wailed at every ghost who came to escort him, so much so that the Observants called Aragon to put him back into submission.

Sure, before this Danny didn't have a great opinion of them, nor a terrible one. But after this, whatever opinion he had of them took a nosedive through the earth so hard it appeared in the depths of outerspace.

Not physically but still, you get the point.

Prince Aragon basically acted like he was the Ghost Prince and Danny was his consort. Even though it was the other way around. He used his newfound political power to take back over the kingdom his sister stole from him.

(They did have to form new crowns, though. Since the Crown of Fire and the Ring of Rage wasn't even royal property but stuff Priah Dark just, well, had and nobody wants to wake him up again either.)

Aragon was a cruel, arrogant and ill-tempered man, he wasn't great to his sister and he wasn't great to Danny either. If Danny disagreed with him, he would just force him to agree though physical might.

Danny could not care less about that man, and if he could he would kill him. But since you can't kill ghosts he just had to deal with it. Aragon refused to let him leave the zone, a decision that Danny didn't agree with and with all the things Danny didn't agree with when it came to Aragon, it came to a fight.

Which Aragon wins.

(Danny hated that man with a passion, he put a goddamn collar on him. One that prevented him from speaking, prevented him from wailing.)

So Danny had to stay in the Ghost Zone, in Aragon's Kingdom. Unable to see his family and friends, unable to go to school, unable to live a normal life.

The only ally he felt he had was Dorathea, who was basically stuck in the same position he was. They grew a great deal closer, stuck under Aragon, since they were family now at least it was with someone Danny could say with certainty he liked.

His family and friends tried to get him out of this, they failed, Aragon was much too powerful for them to fight, even if he was with them, he lacked the one thing that proved a massive threat to Aragon. He didn't want them to die, so he quite literally pleaded and begged for Aragon to spare them.

Aragon did.

He liked seeing one of the catalysts that put into motion his fall from grace begging beneath him. Pleading with him to spare mere humans, it was all the sweeter and amusing to watch him do so when not a sound could leave his lips.

Danny just holed himself up in his room, it was a lavish room, really. With a giant bed, fluffy pillows and sheets, and decorations made of probably expensive stuff. Danny couldn't really find it in himself to actually care about whatever was in his room, he just slept, ate occasionally, limited the only person to enter his room being Dorathea (Not that Aragon cared, if he wanted something he would just force his way in, really.), and unwillingly attend whatever ball or party Aragon would throw, be sad about how Dorathea was sent prevented from seeing him.

That was how it would be for no doubt eternity. The husband of a certified asshole who didn't care for him and saw him as an accessory at best.

He cursed the Observants, who condemned him to this fate.

Until one day, like any other, were Danny laid around. He got summoned, how? He didn't know. No one was even supposed to know he existed since he never did anything to put himself out there or any options to summon him.

He was in human form when he appeared on the other side. He wasn't in the ghost zone anymore, he knew, yet it still seemed like a fantasy. He didn't who summoned, why or how they managed to do so, he was just happy.

Another group busted through the doors and into the room, fighting against the people who summoned him. It was a quick fit, the summoners folding easily under the assault of the other group.

Want to know what the funniest thing was?

The people who summoned him, did so on accident trying to summon Pariah dark.

It was, so funny to him that he just. Broke down laughing. Sure, it sounded more like pained wheezing perhaps, but he couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of the situation he found himself in, he laughed and held onto his stomach, curled into a ball, even.

Because hey, some guy who smokes in a brown coat just told him that he was summoned on accident!

And then promptly started crying.

[dialovers-lover-xoxo]

Subaru's relationship alphabet! Other diaboys linked at end!

Under a cut cuz it's long

--------------------------------------------

Alphabet Credit: @snk-warriors

A - Activities (What activities do you do as a couple with him?)

There aren't really activities you do with Subaru. You'd walk in the garden and throughout the mansion but Subaru would rather just take a walk and talk. You might be able to get him to do other things like at the vandead carnival and he'd probably end up enjoying it and even suggesting things but he'd never admit to it.

B - Beauty (What physical attribute do they admire about you?)

Your face. He often stares because he's so in awe at how beautiful you are. Your chest, not because of your breasts (though also that) but because it's where your heart is.

C - Comfort (How would they comfort you when you're upset or having a panic attack?)

Subaru panics and believes he's at fault

D - Dreams (Do they picture a future with you? If so, what does that future look like?)

Subaru can't imagine life without you and he lives in fear you'll one day think he's a monster and leave him for good. He's so scared of that and genuinely believes that that it prevents him from hoping for a future. As time goes on he'll see you in his future.

E - Equal (Are they dominating/dominant in the relationship or passive?)

He's pretty dominating, he likes being in charge, but he sees you as an equal. He's not like Reiji or Ruki where he demands things of you to keep you in line. In this regard Subaru is probably the most normal diaboy, he won't demand anything out of you the two of you just date and spend time together

F - Fight (Do they forgive easily? How do they fight?)

He yells and punches walls, but he never lays a hand on you. He forgives easily and more than that he hates himself for yelling and being an angry. He thinks he's a monster and he doesn't want to be one to you.

G - Gratitude (How grateful are they in general? How do they show their gratitude?)

He'll say thank you for normal things and every once in a while like when you're cuddling and you fell asleep he'll think about how much better his life is because of you and then the next day he'll be extra affectionate but when you ask him why he's being more sweet and affectionate than usual he'll blush and get super tsundere lol

H - Honesty (Do they share everything with you? If they do keep something from you, why?)

Subaru is terrified of losing you, and he's torn between doing everything in his power to keep you, even if it means lying, or doing the right thing and letting you know everything because you deserve to leave him. Ultimately he'll be honest and then surprised when you consistently choose him.

I - Inspiration (Did they get inspired to change by you? How so?)

He'll never stop being hot-headed, that's just his personality, and his trauma is so deeply engraved in him that it'd be unrealistic and way too idealistic for me to headcanon that one day he'll learn to love himself. But he will treat himself better and learn that his childhood was not his fault and he will learn to be nicer to himself

J - Jealousy (Do they get jealous easily? How do they act when they're jealous?)

He's jealous, but he's also scared. He can't stand the idea of losing you. Behind the anger in his face, is the fear in his eyes. After he's done screaming at the guy flirting with you he'll whirl around and his eyes are full of fear and trepidation

K - Kiss (Are they a good kisser? What are their kisses like? What was the first kiss like?)

Yes, very good kisser. Not into tongue, nice open mouth and tilting heads. He just kinda kissed you and said he felt like it and "whatever"

L - Love Confession (What was their love confession like?)

It was more you confessed your love to him and then he broke down in tears and said he loved you

M - Marriage (Do they want to get married? How would they propose?)

He doesn't necessarily need marriage, he knows the two of you will be together forever, but he would definitely want marriage if you wanted marriage. On his knee, in the garden

N - Nicknames (What do they call you as a term of endearment? Where did the nickname come from?)

He tried calling you sweetie once. It was awkward and then he turned red and locked himself in a room for 10 hours. His brothers still tease him. Nicknames are either "love" which comes naturally to him unlike sweetie did or some variant of your name or something based off your name

O - On cloud 9 (What are they like in love? Can other people tell?)

He stares at you with love and adoration but there's a hint of fear or sadness. His brothers can definitely tell. Surprisingly, they're supportive. Sure they'll tease him for being a tsundere or whatever, but the relationship itself they're surprisingly supportive

P - PDA (Are they shy or upfront about their relationship with you? Will they kiss in public?)

He's not shy in the slightest. As much of a tsundere as he is, he'll make out with you no problem. Holding hands? He's a red blushing mess

Q - Quirk (Something random about them that's beneficial in a relationship)

He's very cuddly and despite how hot-headed and impulsive he is, he's actually a really good listener. He always knows where to touch you to make you feel nice, like your hair or rubbing your wrist.

R - Romance (How romantic are they?What is their idea of romance like?)

Not exactly textbook romance. The two of you do what makes you guys happy, you don't let the definition of romance get in the way

S - Support (Do they help you reach your goals? Do they believe in you?)

Yes, but again, there's that fear; the fear of you leaving

T - Thrill (Do they like trying new things in a relationship? Or do they prefer routine?)

Not really. He's happy just being with you in the garden or his coffin.

U - Understanding (How well do they understand you?)

Very well. As said before, he's a good listener and he's surprisingly sympathetic

V - Value (How important is your relationship to them?)

More important than anything

W - Wild card (A random fluff headcanon)

He tends to stare at you when he doesn't think anyone's looking.

X - XOXO (Are they affectionate? Do they like to kiss and cuddle)

Yes, he gets shy a little but he loves kissing and cuddling

Y - Yearning (How will they cope when they miss you?)

You are the light in his life. Without you, he is numb and dark. Coping isn't really a thing any of the diaboys are great at.

Z - Zeal (Are they willing to go to great lengths for your relationship?)

Yes. Absolutely anything except hurting innocents. He won't give up on getting you, but he'll figure out a different way

--------------------------------------------

[tavina-writes]

MDZS Society! aka: there's a lot less killing than you'd expect

This follows from this post and also the recent translations of MXTX’s most recent interview (which I can now no longer bother to find bc this has been sitting in drafts for like, siiiix months? More? Oh god anyway.) which reminded me about my feelings regarding MDZS society and how different it is from the martial societies we see depicted in typical modern wuxia. (Small disclaimer, I am a wuxia genre fiend and I love like, thinking about fictional societies so this is like, “AHA! You’ve unlocked my trap card!”) 

For the purposes of this, I’m going to be looking at MDZS/CQL’s depiction of the jianghu (which I think is fairly similar! I don’t actually think the show writers made CQL’s jianghu/martial society more genre typical than it was in the book) and comparing that with modern classic wuxia (mostly Jin Yong and Gu Long works.) For this comparison, I’ll be looking at a Jin Yong book — Legend of the Condor Heroes (which is widely considered the starting point of modern wuxia as a genre) — and one Gu Long book — Dagger Li/Sentimental Swordsman, Ruthless Sword (widely considered his most popular work) — and seeing how their societies differ from MDZS society. 

This will likely come in two parts because this one was already getting long, and I don’t think we can fit “how often does nobility exist in a typical jianghu and what do bloodline sects look like normally versus what they look like in MDZS” in this post along with the main topic of “is MDZS society a particularly physically violent place?” 

This post discusses how often cultivators are socially expected to kill people. Like, actual living human beings instead of, say, monsters or ghosts which have been categorized differently than like, human beings. 

EDIT: I forgot to talk about Dagger Li but this was already much too long sorry. Feel free to hmu for more thoughts though.

Now, it might be easy to think that cultivators killing actual people is a really common thing in MDZS/CQL universe! After all, they do have martial arts training and one of the prominent things about the first life is just how many people die both in the Sunshot Campaign and the fallout afterwards. However, I would argue that a lot of the traumas and related issues and reactions that happen in MDZS happen because cultivators are, by training and education, not actually prepared for killing actual living breathing human beings! (And also that the morality of this world prevents it for the most part) 

Now, we do actually get a pretty good window into what the typical training is like for young cultivators in MDZS, because we get a fairly well defined schoolhouse scene where LQR is asking them questions about "how do you tell the difference between various different problems we have to solve?" and "how do you go about fixing this problem?" and none of those include the moral quandary of "if I, a young cultivator out in the Jianghu, see a guy who is doing something I morally disagree with, under what circumstances do I beat him up and/or kill him." This does not appear to enter the curriculum at any point, leading me to believe that the morally correct number of people not like, ghosts or ghouls or fierce corpses, a regular average MDZS cultivator is supposed to have killed is approximately 0.

Which. Is a thing you get in a normal martial arts wuxia jianghu. There is generally the threat of "oh yeah this that or the other faction will be doing shitty things and thereby try to murder you." Instead, in MDZS/CQL most of the heirs of sects are...attending school together. Doing teenage things like partying and gossiping and attending classes.

And sure yes, there was a case of WWX and JZX trying to beat each other up. But the sects did sure let their kids stay at Lan summer camp for months on end (sometimes repeatedly, see NHS) without fearing for their lives or that anyone would steal another sect's techniques or otherwise causing real havoc or intersect warfare etc.

Which is infeasible in any other sort of Jianghu situation. For example, contrast this scenario with this scene from LOCH where Guo Jing's shifus are giving him advice since he is newly 17 and about to set out by himself into the great big world:

Guo Jing therefore bid farewell to his teachers. They had witnessed his battle against the Four Demons of the Yellow River, and were not too greatly worried. The young man had proved that he knew how to use the skills that they taught him. Therefore they let him leave alone. On one hand, the meeting of outlaws in Yanjing worried them greatly, so that they could not ignore it; and on the other hand, a youngster always had to travel the jianghu alone, in order to learn lessons that no teacher could pass on. At the moment of parting, each made their last recommendations. As usual when the Six spoke after one another, Nan Xiren was the last one to express himself. "If you cannot defeat the enemy," he said. "Flee!" He knew that given Guo Jing's dogged character, he would prefer to die rather than to surrender, if he met a master, he would certainly fight to the bitter end, even at the risk of death. That was the reason Nan Xiren gave him this common sense warning. " Martial arts have no limits," added Zhu Cong. " As the proverb says, 'For every peak there is one yet higher', so for every man there is one stronger. Whatever your power, you will always one day meet a foe stronger than you. A true man knows to retreat when necessary, when facing grave danger, it is necessary to contain one's impatience and anger. This what is meant by the adage, « If one preserves the earth and its forests, one does not fear to lack firewood ». It is not therefore not cowardly to take good advice! When the enemy is too numerous and that you cannot face them there, it is especially necessary to avoid being too reckless. Keep in mind Fourth Shifu's advice!"

Does this seem like the sort of advice that any Young MDZS Cultivator would get? "You're a good kid, but when you go out into the world, there will be people who straight up want you dead even though they met you 15 minutes ago, you cannot persist in fighting with these people because they will want you dead and you are a baby cultivator who needs to learn to run away when shit gets rough or you will be dead."

And again I come back to how MDZS cultivators are more like occupational ghostbusters because this really does inform how their society functions and runs and how everyone reacts so badly to the Sunshot Campaign beginning and its aftermaths and possibly explains how JGS could get his way after Sunshot.

Because what happens when you get a society that does train heavily in martial arts and have Able To Kill Real People Weapons who spends most of their time solving very black and white situations of "okay is this ghost whose eating people's livers good or bad? y/n?" and a clear hierarchy of "how do we get rid of the ghost eating people's livers in town x" instead of say "is it morally correct to kill this group of bandits who's been threatening the town" or "is it morally correct to kill this shitty businessman who's been holding people hostage and threatening to hack off their limbs" you have a reduced level of philosophical musing on like, "what is the purpose of martial arts, which is designed to kill people and what do I use martial arts for?" and "under what circumstances and situations would I personally find it morally correct to kill a man?" Which are all questions that Wuxia coming of age stories typically have, and I think MDZS does have, but expressed differently.

Again, it appears that the number of Real Live Human Beings that it is morally acceptable to have stabbed in your life is approximately 0 in this universe, and the expectation that you, personally, might have to fend off people trying to stab you over brunch is also approximately 0.

This also leads to a situation where like, questions of vengeance have very difficult escape hatches! If your parents are murdered on the job by an evil rampaging ghost, this is very sad and tragic and now you're an orphan and of course that's not good, but this is a occupational job hazard, not like, "Yeah Joe Bob from the sect down the street murdered my dad because #Reasons~, and now it's my legacy to grow up to murder Job Bob from the sect down the street to avenge my dad."

(I have a whole essay about how this pertains to both of the Nie Brothers, and how it pertains to JGY and also Jin Ling, and how this seems to routinely fuck people up in MDZS in a very specific way we don't typically see in other wuxias, but this is getting SO long as it is).

But yeah "the socially acceptable number of real living people (instead of ghosts or demons or fierce corpses or whatever) to have killed in your lifetime as a cultivator is approximately 0" means that the Sunshot Generation gets really really fucked up by all of this "killing real people" they did.

Which! might be why JFM was so slow to move on "yeah the Wen are threatening to kill your heirs." <- socially inconceivable behavior. Why society in general is so shocked by Xue Yang and the murder of the Chang <- which would be bad normally but not quite like this. And why no one did anything specific about JGS even if they felt he wasn't entirely correct. What are they going to threaten him with? Death???? A trial of his peers? Social Shunning??? Public shame???

"But Tav how does this relate to CQL!Su She's morality?" I hear you ask. Well you see, the question of "he should've been ready to die for his sect!" is utterly baffling in a society where nobody is expected to be ready to die for their sect on a regular basis because the idea that you should be ready for someone trying to stab you before brunch is utterly nonsensical in a world where most people expect that the baseline number of murders a cultivator does in their lifetimes is 0. That's the world he lives in.

On this regard CQL!Su She is utterly blameless. Nobody handed him a rulebook or expectations sheet for "the sect down the street will try to kill you" nor SHOULD they expect he'd be ready to die at a drop of a hat when no part of the education or social expectations include "ready to die for your sect because it's routine for people to try to kill you."

If you don't even expect to be stabbed and possibly die at a discussion conference where there are lots of cultivators from many sects why on EARTH would you expect to be facing down death in your own home when there's. cultivators here to kill you, this situation is so out of left field?

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

Idk if this has been asked but ummmm UF, SF and HT skellies with an infertile S/O? (Who had made it clear from the start)

I did the main boys because the ones you choose are happy with no children anyway ahah.

Undertale Sans - It's fine, but as time passes and you grow closer, that is something that he might regret a little. It's fine, you can still adopt and everything, but bonding with a child inside your womb would have been nice too. He's never saying that to you, however, and especially if it's a touchy subject for you. Sans is always careful to not trigger his S/O and he can perfectly live without children anyway.

Undertale Papyrus - It's ok to not have children of your own (he's not a big fan of making babies anyway) but he would love to adopt some and will try to explain to you with a 520-page PowerPoint why it's a good idea to adopt. He's motivated. Pretty please?

Underswap Sans - That's absolutely not a problem for him. He thinks children kinda hold you back and prevent you from doing fun things together. He likes to take his S/O on adventures and having to renounce to that for a kid would sadden him. He's not exactly a good father figure anyway.

Underswap Papyrus - He's disappointed because Honey really wants children on his own. He doesn't blame you, instead, he tries to find other ways. He knows all monsters can technically bear children so, uh... Why not? That's not something he planned in his life and that's not something a lot of male monsters do so they're not a lot of info on the subject, which is making him anxious. But, uh, luckily, Underswap Undyne is also one of his best friends and the scientist is close enough to a doctor? He knows Alphys would be ecstatic to work on this too. It's just an idea. But you know if you ever want to...

Underfell Sans - He doesn't mind either. Having a baby is scary anyway and he's clearly not ready yet to be a father. Maybe after a few years, you two could talk about adoption, but for now Red is really fine being the only baby in the house. And anyway, if you want to mommy something, there's Edge. He never had a mom so feel free to try. You're not sure about that idea honestly.

Underfell Papyrus - It depends on what you think about this. If you don't mind not having any kids, that's fine for him too. If later in your relationship you feel like adopting or using a third person to make a baby, it's fine too. He can even be convinced to bear the baby, but with a lot of talking because that kinda terrorizes him honestly. Edge is not difficult and adjusts to his S/O.

Horrortale Sans - Well, he is infertile too thanks to what Undyne did to him so... That happened. Oak is fine living like this, but if you even brought up adoption, he would gladly accept too. He loves kids, he's just a little nervous about... You know... His memory problems. He doesn't mind and lets his S/O's choose. He doesn't want to pressure them anyway.

Horrortale Papyrus - He's ok with that. He doesn't know if he's infertile with everything that happened to Underground, and he doesn't trust himself enough to have children for now. He's not sure he will be able to do everything a normal father is supposed to do with his disabilities and it's making him nervous. But after a few years, he's a little more ready to talk about this if you want to adopt. He just needs some reassurance it's going to be fine.

Swapfell Sans - He kinda forgot children were a thing that could happen after a few years of relationship and was very surprised when you said to him you're infertile. Ok? What do you want him to do with this info? Oh. He never thought he could be in love someday, so not having children is absolutely not a problem. If you ever want to adopt, you're going to need to prepare him to the idea for a few months lol.

Swapfell Papyrus - He's not sure what the hell you mean because your soul clearly is, he checked. ... He then realizes you're talking about making a physical baby and feels very stupid. Uh. That's ok though because he can be pregnant sort of? If you want a kid, just ask him and he does it, right? Rus doesn't mind at all carrying a child. He actually already planned to sort of do that for Undyne and Alphys since Alphys is infertile. So, uh, it's just one more baby? Why not? You have to sit. That's a lot of weird info you didn't expect all of the sudden.

Fellswap Gold Sans - He doesn't want children anyway so it's really fine for him. Knowing he doesn't have to expect a surprise baby is actually sort of comforting and he's more relaxed in your relationship. Have you seen him anyway? You think he's a father figure?

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - He's fine with it as well. He's not comfortable having children yet and he's too attached to his S/O to give place yet to other members of his family. Maybe later he would be ok to adopt, even though the thought is terrifying him at the moment.

[ayaisokay]

The Kids Aren't Alright

* ~ I'm sorry for making this ~ *

Doomers & Fatalism

Regardless of your age, you need a reason to move forward. You need hope. Yet, it's hard to find hope for teens and young adults.

Not a year goes by without an update on the planet's decline (at our hand), wealth is only feeling more unstable and unequally distributed, a pandemic destroyed any hope of sociability for some, and social media does more harm than good when it "connects" people.

There's no true community, nothing to take pride in, there's hardly motivation for ambition or wealth. Hell, we grow up being told we'll be a generation of renters, because it's a statistical improbability than any of us will EVER afford a home without working 3 jobs into our grave.

I can't speak for America, but I know my government haven't made any real effort to prevent renter's from taking that news and slowly inflating rent costs each month.

I'm a part of the generation that is thought to deal with the broadest range of mental health concerns; however, I'm also part of the generation that's most likely to be told to "deal with it," or "grow up," by the people perpetuating our suffering, or the peers that fell victim to toxic hustle culture— enabling the shitty circumstances.

When you start adulthood with so many problems that directly impact your life, most of which come at no fault of your own, you'd hope for help in addressing those matters, but it never comes.

We're told we're lazy, we don't try hard enough, and we've got it easy (which is a demonstrable lie). How is it any surprise we became hopeless doomers? At some point you just get the idea that we were destined to fail.

Threats of War

Now we're told to be ready for World War 3 and I'm struggling to understand why. What values am I defending? Why should I die for a country that doesn't care about me?

Sure, Ukraine and Palestine are in shitty situations, but saying that doesn't require me to do anything. Though they demonstrate something: the government will risk our lives for money, and turn a blind eye to genocide if it suits them.

All that matters is that we're made to feel like our interests align. They don't represent us. They represent themselves.

Don't get me wrong, I don't support either conflict, and I sympathise with the aforementioned nations; however, I am not willing to die for them— I don't think you are. So is it even fair for us to bother complaining? It's not like diplomacy has done a thing so far.

Whether we're roped into a war or not, it doesn't feel like we'd have a choice.

Hobbies and Corporations

Normally I'd propose finding an outlet for everything. I'm not sure that's ideal anymore. Commonplace hobbies like gaming, sports, martial arts, reading, and art, they require 3 things: time, motivation, and effort.

Thanks to hustle culture, holding 3 jobs, running a drop shipping business, and abandoning any meaningful social life is considered just enough and reasonable. That doesn't leave time for personal hobbies, entertainment, or time to actually live. A life like that is no life at all. You're an animal operating on the exclusive goal of survival. You're alive, but you're not living.

Among those of us too physically or mentally scarred to work like our peers, we compassionately took to pen and paper, or software and devices, writing stories, drawing and animating worlds, or making music.

I fear that pocket of joy is getting smaller. AI image generation has already impacted artists, AI voice recreations are already being used in place of some voice actors, and we've all seen the AI voice covers for songs— claiming "you don't need to learn to sing." It didn't take long for me to see "generative AI" being proposed as a source for track samples and stems in music production.

Considering such things, it's hard to motivate yourself to put your work out there. You struggle to justify spending time creating anything, and you're probably not ready to put the effort into producing enough algorithm optimised works per day. After all, no one will see it. No one cares.

That's how it feels.

Social Media

Maybe we still have digital spaces? Really. Are cespools like Twitter spaces you can enjoy? Even Tumblr is quite detached, with small accounts struggling to get so much as a couple likes— nevermind a reblog, and god forbid you get a comment or DM.

That's minor though, it's the relationships that bother me. The ability to lock someone out of your life, within 5 seconds, for the slightest of perceived infractions. You're sensitive and a snowflake if you need boundaries, and you're "rude" and "mean" when you're pushed too far for not establishing them.

You can join a fandom or community and run into those issues, but do you really need more trouble? Ive hung around with furries since I was 13 or 14. It wasn't a furry that SA'd me, and I've never been groomed. But as a child online, I was labelled as a dog fucking groomer (at 15), because I was in a furry community discord server. I don't like to think about how that made the young adult owner of the server feel.

Social media is good for "satirical trolls," who take pleasure in hurting as many people as they can, and then claiming it's OK because they're joking, and you should've known. Is it really worth the effort for anyone else? You know, us "normal people," not bogged down by million strong fanbases, actively managing parasocial relationships and morally questionable stalking.

Closing Statements

I'm not entirely sure why I wrote this post. I guess I'm just another girl crying on the internet when I should save it for the therapy I can't actually afford.

I want to be hopeful, to feel like there's something attainable to desire, or even just things to look forward to. It's been a long time since I woke up and felt there was a good reason to be awake or even alive.

Thanks,

- The Girl That Doesn't Exist

[lilac-rose-writes]

do you guys ever think about how penny clings to her memories of innocence and childhood pre-accident to cope and finds so much comfort in simply acting her age, but she's withheld from doing so by her mother for so long that she physically cannot take it anymore, and the moment she breaks free from that, her life is cut so short that she's never able to grow and move past the childhood she lost? :)

there's a potential parallel to be called on with cindy here too. cindy also has the doll for a while, and we see that playing house is one of her favourite games. however, where penny is stripped of the chance to act like a child, cindy takes a child's game and integrates elements of adulthood into it. cindy wants to be mature, and to feel powerful. she likes to be a danger so she carries a knife, she copies the adults around her and tries to get on their level. penny just wants to feel safe. the doll could be some sort of metaphor for protecting their inner child. despite her own experiences, cindy treats her 'daughter' like a kid. penny 'plays' with the doll in a way that's undeniably innocent. but the world they live in doesn't give them time to act like kids, no matter how much they want to.

neither of them get to keep the doll, and if they hold onto it too long they get hurt- which could be representative of how acting their age is quite literally dangerous, and they have no way of holding onto that innocence without being injured or killed.

also- cindy's constant switching of boyfriends correlates with the impermanence of her other experiences. her dad stays and leaves and comes back again. her mom has boyfriend after boyfriend after boyfriend. biscuit's there and then she isn't. same goes for billy, then later for lily in kg2. she goes from school to school to school.

cindy adapts quickly, and doesn't linger on what's gone. she won't date the same person twice. however, there are elements of her life which stay steadfast because she forces them to. cindy doesn't want to be a vegan, but she doesn't give up the diet. nobody tells her to, but she bullies lily every chance she gets. she wears the same hairstyle every day. she clings to biscuit's disappearance because biscuit was hers and biscuit cared.

cindy never lets herself form a close bond with anyone, because the moment she does, they seem to disappear. it's easier to impress the boy of the day and drive away any attempted friendships than it is to deal with another loss, so that's what she does. cindy likes to pretend she has a family. the dolls can't run away. cindy likes to feel wanted, and to feel loved. even the victory of having a boyfriend listen to her is enough for her to feel a little more in control of her life. she's lonely, and refuses to let herself be anything but.

penny, however, wants friends. she tries to make them at every chance she gets, stashing bracelets in her pockets and offering a smile at every chance she gets. penny longs for a connection, to find someone who likes being around her. the other kids think it strange that she's so chirpy, so even aside from the android aspect, she's considered an outcase.

i think that the contrast between cindy being "popular" because she's mean to people and penny being a "weirdo" because she's nice is especially interesting considering that neither of their strategies actually work.

the accident caused by her mother prevents penny from having any chance at a normal childhood, and the subsequent roboticisation of her body makes her a threat to them. she wants to retain her innocence and have friends, but she can't because of outside influences.

cindy actively tries to get people to leave her be, only interested in the company of her latest boyfriend. buggs let himself get attached to her, but cindy refuses to entertain him for long. she's afraid of forming those sort of bonds, so doesn't want to.

penny's forced to shoot, cindy wields her own knife. both of them are alone.

cindy seeks stability and money in her relationship with felix, and he views her as a good investment for applesoft. both of them are mimicking their parents and putting their core beliefs into action. felix prioritises the company and familial expectations over his own desires, and cindy won't let herself form a connection until she's certain it'll last. felix seems like the epitome of stability. he's a billionaire, he likes her back, and he reciprocates her nicknames and sappiness.

penny doesn't mind who connects with her. when kid does, she's overjoyed. but even that still gets her hurt. if the female principal catches kid in the hallway, she says it's suspicious that he's been hanging out with penny, and has him sent to the principal's office. penny is forced to kill her only friend. and if the mission lasts until the end of the day, she's killed by the magnet kid fixed. there's no way for her to win.penny hurts people who get close to her. she's a minion for the person she loves most; her mother sees her as a weapon, so that's what she's made to be, regardless of her own feelings. cindy kills the janitor out of grieving rage after finding out he killed biscuit (biscuit, who meant more to her than any person could). she stabs kid when he doesn't play along, and sends him to the principal when she's mad at him. cindy doesn't care about getting others hurt, and will gladly do so if it means she's left to her own devices or gives her a way to enact vengeance on those who've forced her to be so alone.

neither of them can act their age, because doing so simply isn't safe enough. thank you for coming to my ted talk xx