#because idk how to use that technique and it just wouldn't have been as good to animate without!

[kustas]

I recently witnessed someone on twitter with the spicy but interesting position of: the only people vehemently bitching against 2D puppets are the animators who have to use them. So, what's the tea, why's this debate even a thing, and is one side wrong?

Rigged 2D animation, also known as puppet animation, and prolly other terms I'm not aware of. Most 2D animators I know treat it with disdain as something they're forced to work on to survive instead of "real" animation (=hand drawn in this case), and while I've encountered less negative sentiments towards the medium coming from fans, I have seen several people complain about it unknowingly, correctly nailing visual aspects they don't like without knowing their cause. Additionally, it can be really hard to tell apart what's rigged and what's hand drawn in 2D, with many series mixing both to their advantage.

The reason for rigged stuff being so prevalent is that it's cheaper and faster. Where hand drawn requires redrawing your entire character/thing frame by frame to make it move, puppet animation uses, well, puppets, ready-made articulated models you just need to pose. It's also possible to use interpolation - instead of deciding by hand every image between two poses, you let the computer calculate it and come later to tweak how each part moves to make it look good. There is little to no drawing involved in rigged 2D, asides of rare shots that need a little part drawn over when the puppet can't do something specific, or drawing the eyes/mouths/hands/etc when you're making the puppets themselves. Notice I said series and not films in my previous paragraph - this is because animations with longer runtimes and/or shorter production times benefit strongly from this medium. You will not need to clean, to inbetween, to color and whatever other steps can go in hand drawn 2D when you have puppets. You can use the interpolations to your advantage on some movements. It's near impossible to be off model. You don't even need to draw!

And most animators uh, they're here because they like to draw. You can say animating and drawing are two different things, that is true, I've even heard it from the mouth of an insanely talented hand drawn animator called Liane-Cho Han who described himself as a poor drawer despite an impressive 2D portfolio. Poor drawer, good animator, it blew my mind at the time but when I started animating I understood what he meant. But puppet animation is still animation, and much closer to how 3D animation works, with stop-motion being comparable to hand drawn in terms of difference between these mediums. Yet you don't see industry-spanning bitching about 3D vs stop motion! This leads to my next point: puppets are limiting.

One of the advantages of hand drawn animation compared with other animation techniques especially those using character rigs is that you're not limited to said rigs. You can just draw anything, regardless of digital puppet constraints, of art style, of physics. If you can put it on paper, you can animate it. Puppets, both 3D and 2D, have limitations - the art needs to be made (sculpt, drawings) and be placed on a complex invisible digital skeleton allowing you to correctly manipulate your character, which is a job in itself. The more stuff you want your character to be able to do, the more complex it gets. You can't automate all of it. This means productions with lower budget and/or ambitions will tend to have simpler rigs which allow less. An example is angles: when you're hand drawing a character and want to pose them, you can pick whatever angle you'd like for all body parts. Rigs might not give this as an option, especially subtler angles of the head and foreshortening. This might make some movements you had in mind impossible, with a need to stylize your poses and your breakdowns. Not being able to have these angles can make for animation that looks stiff or awkward and can be very annoying to work with depending on the animator.

That artificial stiffness is to me, one of the telling signs something is rigged, and part of the reasons I don't like it myself! That's right, I'm with the haters here. Except stiffness doesn't necessarily mean something used digital rigs, and stiffness isn't inherently a bad thing - as with all art styles, it can just be that, a stylistic choice. Enters a director who's work I'll use as a counter example to the dislike of 2D puppets, both from an animator's and a hater layman's point of view on the results: Michel Ocelot.

Famous in France and way less internationally, two staples of his work are his fixations on fairytales and Africa. Fittingly, his most famous movie is probably Kirikou, a feature film which mixes both. Ocelot's work is stylized in a way unique to him, which can make his work very repetitive, but also makes it instantly recognizable. Some of his staples include static shot compositions, actors that talk like they're reading their lines out of an old book, busy backgrounds and folk tale tropes. Stiffness is just a part of what his movies look like, as are art styles that take inspiration from traditional art and past periods. He started out working before digital puppets were a thing, and while he's embraced digital techniques, releasing a full CG feature film in the 00s before it was the norm, he has worked without, including on Kirikou which is animated the old way.

The earliest of his films I've seen is called Princes and Princesses, it's already got everything typical of his work, and one of the latest of his films I've seen (and among my personal favorites of everything he's done) is called Black Pharaoh, and while decades and different techniques separate these two, they're both based around, you guessed it, puppets. P&P is a blatant hommage/reference to animation pioneer Lotte Reiniger, who used literal paper puppets to animate fantasy movies who's style is very reminiscent of the graceful, slightly simplified illustrations popular at the time. Black Pharaoh uses digital 2D puppets and is entirely animated using the (meticulously researched) style of ancient egyptian wall paintings. Both of these films tell a story, not like movies usually do, but like an orator retelling a tale does. And it works! The characters don't move in a 3D space, but it doesn't matter, they're from a fresco or are paper. The character's don't move realistically and it doesn't matter either, they're not trying to trick your eyes into looking real, they're characters of a story. Ocelot's films are a case where using puppets and their limitations works in favor of the film, not otherwise, and his stuff that's not made with puppets looks like it could be.

I'll briefly talk about a film I hate here to make the final point before my conclusion, netflix's Klaus. This is a film who's insanely impressive animation has floored people regardless of how much they know about animating. Unlike a lot of "this looks very cool" (actually p easy to make) animations you see going viral online, here everyone's right, it is indeed insanely hard to animate like that. Klaus was hailed because of it's uncanny ability to look like modern CG while being entirely hand drawn, which I think is stupid, because it's a lot of effort and talent wasted for a result that looks incredibly generic. Would this film have been bad if it had used CG? Why do people think hand drawn is better than CG in the first place? That I can't answer but the reason studios use it is money: either because it's trendy and will make more money because it's trendy, or because it's cheaper to make, which depends on what you're trying to achieve. In the end, they're techniques. Techniques have pros and cons and things they're better at than others. Time and money are essential to producing a film wether you like it or not.

So: are people wrong to hate on puppets? Nah, it's a question of taste. You can hate the look a technique gives and that's fine. But "ugly" is subjective and it's important to be aware of that if critiquing stuff is your job.

Was that tweet right? Yeah, pretty much, lol. For many if not most animators it's a technique they're forced to use, that removes a major reason they like their job from said job, and can be frustrating to work with. It's worth noting a lot of the work you'll get nowadays is on cheap productions, and the techniques they'll use most will be associated with the slop they are. Doesn't mean you'll inherently make slop. A technique is just that, a technique.

[bright-hope-spot-19]

Kankuro's cheating method in the written test

All right, so quick rant here cause it's something that's always bothered me from the fandom. That's how, in the written test of the chunin exam, most fans point out to Kankuro's cheating method as one of the worst? It's actually one of the best, if not the best, cheating method. The only reason people say it's the worst is because it was the only one pointed out by Ibiki onscreen. But since people lack reading comprehension, let me explain.

The only reason (s) Kishimoto made it so Kankuro was singled out is precisely because he felt his technique could be too confusing and incomprehensible to the readers. After all, Kankuro's puppet hadn't been revealed yet, so upon seeing the scene of him in the bathroom with the proctor, that at that point, no one (from the readers) knew was a puppet, it was obviously going to create confusion. Especially with the puppet proctors' face crumbling, revealing what looks to be a legit camera lens in the puppets' eye

So, Kishimoto felt the need to throw in a little explanation of what was going on in this scene as well as create foreshadowing via Ibiki's comment. So, readers and viewers alike wouldn't be so confused and create expectations for what Kankuro's technique really is. The only reason it was pointed out was because it was the most complex to understand for the readers.

Besides, Idk why people doubt this could work. The excuse most people bring up is that the proctors should all know each other, so Kankuro just introducing a new dude amongst them doesn't make sense. Now, let me hit you with this: the proctors don't have to necessarily know each other. They won't notice if there's a new face in their midst, especially if it was modeled after a real shinobi Kankuro has seen in the village. In fact, it is the safest option for the proctors to not know each other, so they can't share test answers with each other prior to the test, and run a risk of them getting leaked.

He literally created a new dude out of scratch with his puppet, a human-like entity capable of speech, too, mind you, with a camera in its eye that allowed it to record the answers. Yet, people will still throw stupid excuses such as: how was he able to puppeteer and manipulate his puppet then? Idk. Maybe Kankuro really is that good of a puppeteer that he can still make his puppet move while still sitting decently far away from it. Later on, we meet another puppet dude who turned himself into a puppet, and that's never questioned. Puppet logic is only ever questioned with Kankuro. Go figure. Or the already discussed: the proctors should all know each other, so they should know that there was an unfamiliar face. Which is refuted by, obviously, these people not knowing each other, so they won't notice there's actually someone new. Another excuse used is that any decent sensor should be able to sense the signature of the chakra strings, which is hilarious. Obviously, none of the proctors were sensors, and Kankuro also wasn't using his strings the whole entire time. He just waited till it could record the answers with the camera eye and then made it move to take him to the restroom. Not to mention, as a good puppet user, he can also make his chakra strings imperceptible and practically invisible? He already did that to Naruto once, when he made him trip on invisible chakra strings. So, another excuse busted.

It's funny because it's mostly Tenten fans pointing fingers at Kankuro using the 'worst' method in the test, to defend their fave, when literally every other kid was worse, including Tenten.

1- Sasuke and Neji both activated their magic eyes. Yet, very conveniently, no one noticed Sasuke's eyes turning red all of a sudden or the very obvious Byakugan veins popping all around Neji's eyes. Idk, I think a kids' eyes changing colors and getting veins that weren't there before, is waaaaay more obvious than realizing the human sitting next to you is a puppet.

2- Gaara literally formed a sand eyeball and had it floating all around the room to see the answers. Like, came on, now. Magically, all the proctors turn blind and can't see the detached eyeball floating around the room, of course. But they will for sure notice the human being sitting next to them is a puppet! Cause they all know each other and have sensory skills!

3- Kiba literally had his damn dog barking the whole time. How was that even allowed. This is a very serious test, dude. The moment that puppy started barking and wouldn't shut the HELL up, Kiba should've either been disqualified or Akamaru should've been taken out of the test room. In case you didn't know: a dog barking is annoying!! People have lost concentration in exams over way smaller sounds, like steps in the corridor outside.

4- Ino literally used her mind transfer jutsu on Sakura and literally lost consciousness on her desk for who knows how long. I don't know, dudes. I think a child fainting on her desk out of the blue is way more noticeable. Like, you're telling me that if you were in a class, and a girl suddenly fainted on her desk. Like, literally plopped down, unresponsive. You wouldn't notice? You're pretty dumb, then. Either that, or you need to get your eyes checked. The moment Ino fainted, one of the proctors should've gone check on her, and upon seeing she didn't respond, the whole Ino-Shika-Cho should've been disqualified.

5- Just mentioning her here, but Hinata was surely also using the Byakugan, like Neji. She's not smart enough to figure out the answers on her own, guys.

6- Shino had an entire colony of bugs roam around the room, checking the answers for him. I'm pretty sure that if I was in that exam, and I saw a bunch of weird bugs crawl on my paper sheet, I would be very suspicious. Especially because Shino's bugs appearing and roaming freely should've also been noticeable to chakra sensors. They feed on Shino's chakra, so I assume they're filled with it. Also, even while comparing them to ants. If there's a colony of ants in the corner of a classroom, you'll usually notice. If you go into a class and there's no ants, and then come back and there's now ants crawling out and about, that would be enough to raise some eyebrows. Like, a colony of ants isn't going to materialize out of the blue unless someone purposely put them there.

7- Tenten. Yeah, sorry, guys. But her method was the worst. When did she even have the time to set up all that? How come, very conveniently, none of the proctors at any point during the test lifted their heads upwards towards the ceiling, not even for a second? Also, while Tenten can't use chakra threads, all it means is she had to rely on real threads, which are a lot more noticeable wrapped around her fingers. With good enough chakra control (like in Kankuro's case), you can lower the signature until it's practically imperceptible. That's not smth Tenten can do with real threads. Her fans use excuses like maybe she went in at night to set it up or maybe the day prior to the test or whatever. That's all stupid because how would she get in? Shouldn't the door be locked? And even if we supposed she could unlock it, how would she know they'd be doing a written test where they'd be tasked to find the answers? Tenten's method simply does not make sense because there's no window of time in which she could logically set up her mirrors on the ceiling. Besides, since that's the room where the test would be taking place, I also imagine it would've been very heavily guarded prior to the exam,making it nigh impossible for anyone to get in.

If Tenten fans are allowed to make up such a bs excuse, then I can also make up a tale that a couple hours before the exams, Kankuro and Temari worked together to locate one of the test proctors, proceeded to catch him off-guard, beat him up and then proceeded to hide his unconscious body somewhere it wouldn't be easily found. Then, have Kankuro's puppet disguise as that same proctor to fill his place. Viola! Problem solved!

It's just sooooo annoying when fans can suspend their sense of disbelief for all the bs in Naruto, except when it comes to the coherence and logic of Kankuro's puppetry skills. Those have to be harshly judged, every detail and how it's not logical and doesn't make sense. Yeah, dude, it's ninja magic. This kid has the ability to transform his puppets into talking humans, just go along with it. In fact, the only other person with a better cheating technique than Kankuro would be..... Dozu, the sound guy. The dude who looks like a mummy. He got the answers from just listening to the soundwaves of the pencil tapping on the page. Every other kid was stupid in their cheating methods, so the fact viewers just choose to single out Kankuro for it is ridiculous. Especially if the people calling Kankuro's method dumb are doing it in defense of Tenten, lmao.

[bomberqueen17]

smorkles

So anyway. I don't remember when I last posted about anything and I'm not going to go look it up.

I don't start back at the farm until May 13th. My cabin has no electricity currently but there is apparently a trench being dug, and it will contain both a real electrical line (not a duct-taped extension cord!) and a water line??? of some kind??? with actual potable water??? sounds fake but ok.

but I am going to, not quite the farm, this week, leaving tomorrow. And i am going to stay with my middle-little sister. Because her housemate moved out, and her house needs some renovations, and now she's thinking she needs to sell that house and downsize to a smaller one, and that's all fine but like the main thing she needs to do is to get rid of like 3/4 of the objects she owns, and i say this from a place of I also have to get rid of like 3/4 of the objects I own and I dont' know how to do it or how to make her do it either and hate the entire concept of the process. But hey. There it is.

I am bringing her a kitchen table and a whole-ass tree that was rescued from dude's work office but is too tall for our ceilings. she has higher ceilings. we'll see how this goes.

i feel like i should be sort of retrospecting on what i did this off-season. right? like my life is in two annual chunks: farm work season, and not farm work season. Farm work season is usually April-ish through the beginning of December. And then since the beginning of December I've been doing Not Farm Work and I have no idea if I've achieved any of those goals. Did I set goals? IDK.

I did want to get my ADHD shit sorted out. So I started seeing a therapist. And she's admitted she's like, for short-term stuff, and needs to get me passed along to more of a specialist type person maybe. IDK. I've been told to form habits, told to buy a notebook to turn my life around with, and in other doses been fed things that i have largely seen before because i have been living like this for like, 40 years.

anyway. and also i tried all the basic meds, everything's "here try this and see what it does" dosages have given me negative side effects and no good effects, so if I want to continue trying to medicate myself I need to actually have a psychiatrist who I can ask questions of and get a response faster than two weeks. (That's how long it took to hear back on whether I could stop taking atomoxetine when it started giving me really bad anhedonia. Thankfully i had already figured that out on my own twelve days before, because i could not have lived like that for those twelve additional days, it was really bad. also he was like "and discontinue wellbutrin" my friend i discontinued wellbutrin in 2014 so i'm not sure who this was addressed to.)

but. yesterday's conversation, the therapist was going on about different things-- I had been given a rundown by a friend about the different types of behavioral therapy that existed, and how some of those might be more useful in trying to make concrete improvements in one's life, and my person was like "the thing is most of those are just fancy names for stuff you've largely already encountered so there is not going to be a magic technique that fixes you" and it's like

the thing is when have i ever said "find magic technique/drug that fixes me" is a therapy goal? That's not my goal. My goal is explicitly "figure out better coping mechanisms than what I have because brute-forcing normality for as long as I can and then feeling real shitty when I can't anymore isn't very sustainable", and no, I don't think that ACT or DBT is going to magically fix me, but if I can find more tools through a coordinated approach, wouldn't that be good?

What i can say is that so far using a lot of CBT-lite language and making lists has actually given me a borderline-pathological avoidance of my Special Notebook, in which i can no longer write but i do still carry it everywhere like a talisman (it's very useful. not), so I'm writing essays on discarded envelopes because I can't even use The Good Scrap Paper for this, when I tell you I've scarred myself trying to figure out how to make a fucking to-do list I'm not exaggerating.

So I have an essay written on an envelope from which i'm trying to extract, like, a thematic through-line to guide me in what to do next, and then a bunch of witterings in a discord convo, and I wrote a list of things I want to bring, and I did go move some furniture just now so I can get that table out of my house at some point.

Anyway, though, mid-conversation, the therapist was like, "have you ever heard of smorkles?" and i was like "i'm -- what? smorkles?" and she was excited and was like "oh this one will be so good for you!" and i was like "Sporkles? Smorkles? I'm not sure i"m hearing you, can you spell that" and she proceeded to spell out the word "smart" which

yes I do know about SMART goals actually, they are a management technique from the 80s that my dude uses extensively in his job as a staff engineer (which is like management but not quite) in his very corporate job at a very large software company, and he had laid out the criteria for me very earnestly once on a walk. so i do in fact know about them but not how to really apply that to my own life, and would need to figure out how to break that down, and i need a lot more steps than 'find a pen' and 'buy The Notebook That's Gonna Turn Your Life Around' to make that work.

but anyway.

i've decided now that smorkles are my new technique. and yes also smart goals but I think I'm going to call it "smorkles" because then I can make memes about my commitment to smorkle motion etc.

i need to figure out what SMORKLE is an anagram for. er, not anagram. the other thing.

[exstasyplague]

UnPopular Jujutsu Kaisen Opinions (with arguments)

manga spoilers

☆ Yuji is the perfect MC

i've seen a lot of people trashing on him. some say gege writes him poorly and doesn't give him enough scenes, some say he's boring because he doesn't have any fancy cursed techniques. first of all, yuji has been aware of the jujutsu world for 6 months in manga; even less in anime. he doesn't have any OP cliche to him (looking at you Ichigo) and that makes him so much more enjoyable! when he loses he loses for good reasons and when he wins you can feel genuinely happy for him because you know he deserves it. he is a teenager and the shift in his mentalities embodies that perfectly; along with him we discover the cruelty and unfairness of the jujutsu world. at first, especially if you're a shonen watcher, you'd tend to believe he will shift to a high white knight borderline annoying mentality yet he doesn't, the jjk verse doesn't work like that. yuji is able to adapt. he has traits that you'd see in your real life friends: silliness, kindness, idiocy, love for jennifer lawrence etc but also traits that make him a perfect mc: empathy, resiliance, convinction, raw anger. + gege have him some of the HARDEST panels.

ㅡif it's just pain... Yuji Itadori won't ever stop

also. his last battle with mahito. hands down. best. panels.

mahito (another well structured villain) RUNNING for his life while yuji walks slowly behind him. if that doesn't show major improvement from the kid he was at the beginning idk what does. that's some MC shit right there man.

☆ Sukuna is not a fraud

the fraudkuna memes are funny. i admit. i'm sure mahoraga kisses him goodnight and tucks his blankey, however, sukuna is a fucking piece of shit, LOL (i mean it in the best way), my man literally became curse. people expect him to not use the weapons he has to his advantage as if he didn't want megumi from the beginning specifically for using his abilities. a good gun doesn't make you a military tier shooter. it's about the resources, it's about the experience, it's about the aim. "why doesn't he use his curse technique wah wah" — because he knows gojo is strong. unless he isn't absolutely sure he will strip him away from all his gimmicks, he has no reason to flaunt his true powers. sukuna wants to win. he wanted to kill gojo since the beginning of the series. i think the fight is balanced well, sukuna uses his resources and takes the consequences for being a tad too cautious. in the heian era when cursed energy had a purer, rawer output even domain expansions were simple in principles: you're in, i kill you. (line from the manga, btw) his CT is probably straightforward as well with a simple principle so having gojo use his infinity against it and figure out how to strip him naked would make him lose faster than todo called yuji his bestie.

☆ Gege doesn't hate women

because the unfortunate thing with nobara and yuki getting xd-d by kenjaku, a popular belief seems to be that gege is fond of trashing the women in his series. argument people have for that? "the only one in the spotlight is maki and she's female toji". first of all, if gege hated women he wouldn't write them as he does— each one of his lady characters is incredibly well structured and way beyond the love interest/ gotta be protected trope. mei mei, shoko, utahime, miwa and many others became non-existent, or what? even tengen is a woman. masashi kishimoto (the creator of naruto) is an author i'd say has 0 regards for women since the way most of his girl characters are built is literal dog shit. sakura is naruto's one sided love and a sasuke dickrider, hinata is a stalker that sharts when she sees naruto, karin is a sasuke dickrider, kurenai is asuma's chick and the only two women somewhat ok as a structure are tsunde and temari. (i am a big fan of the naruto series but i am spitting facts, also an avid sakura lover) plus there is a rumour that gege is a woman too and from the way sato sugu is written i'd agree anw

☆ Kenjaku is the best villain of the series

homie got railed by itadori's papi just for his plan, that's not even aizen level of plotting bro. he got drizzled in jizz and gave birth to yuji 💀

how good that d had to be for him to get impregnated....

ANYWAY jokes aside, he is very calculated and chill. he is not the strongest but his literal essence is to be a technique stealing leech and well, he's just that. with suguru, even in his villain arc you can empathize. sukuna is cool and straightforward: he wants to massacre people, kill gojo and then enjoy his life slashing random ass people who don't kneel is total submission.

kenjaku? bro, kenjaku has plans over plans and he executes all of them. even in geto's sexy body he still gets hated because there is genuinely nothing likeable about him. not because he's a poorly written character, he's written to be a piece of shit that makes you wanna break the screen when he gets a W and idk about y'all but even when he exorcised mahito i was like "aw hell nah bruh, get your hands off asap". may come as a shock, i know but we're like supposed to hate villains (not me being the biggest sukuna simp even in his crusty dusty OG form🤭) and well, nobody fucking roots for kenjaku. so gojo, go take your boyfriend's body or something fr.

☆ Yuta is.... mid

hear me out.

i don't hate him— not in the slightest. i hope he will actually have something going on with maki since apparently nobara is afk. i liked his entire rika situation but... bro.

yes, i will be going into the power system 😭I'M SORRY BUT like all he does is copy shit. wow. sure, he's a good copycat. i am not complaining about him being called so powerful and wtv but i don't find anything exciting about his battles and his personality is dead ass boring. do i get happy when he wins? yes. do i hope he'll come and save goatjo? yes. yes. yes. but people call him the real MC and all that shit... not even that— i... nothing in me likes him. my opinions are not absolute. his story is cool. i liked jjk 0 but the only thing that ruins his story is literally his lack of perosnality. and don't come at me for not grasping his depths or whatever. yuta is best fanfic y/n material because he can be turned into bashful stereotype really easily. "omg, best friend power, precious friends made me wanna live ❤️" very sweet HOWEVER very untouching for me. i only liked him when he made maki go all blushy because my girl deserves happiness.

☆ Toji actually cares about Megumi

is he the good father that would spoil his kid as a ray of sunshine?

no.

but he chose this. to forget about everything, to abandon his pride, to part himself away from the clan that rejected him and live his life on his own. megumi's mom made shit better for him and she died so his life became shit again. he thought that by entrusting megumi to the zenin clan he would actually be able to make something of himself since he had cursed energy.

also, people tend to forget just how conservative and judgemental the 3 big clans are, maki and mai have been shat on their whole life by the zenins, especially maki. toji went through the same shit if not worse. he wasn't always buff max version of himself, he wasn't born with anything. exactly because he gave up on all the things in his life he was able to reach that type of power and live with some purpose since he failed in everything else.

in the manga he has the option of coming back to life as long as he keeps killing sorcerers, which is his speciality, but he meets megumi, recognises him and kills himself in order to not hurt him. be fr. anciet sorcerers sold their booty holes to kenjaku to get a second chance at life.

ANYWAY. SADLY i can't post Toji memes since i reached my pic limits.

let me know what you think:) i may make a part 2. feel free to also ask for my opinions about anything in the verse, lol. if you wanna see my fics check my ao3, i promise i don't write in the same braindead way i type. <33

[greasy-night-rat]

Sure his persona is a flip'n deranged beef cake that smashes his own skull in, but what if that was just the kinda façade he fell into when joining the WVBA?

[Long flip'n head canon rant below cut lmao]

Honestly love the idea of a younger bull having a destructive teen phase. Just punching holes in walls, and needing an outlet for his anger issues.

At some point (age 17-20 maybe) he is suggested to try boxing, and meets Doc (ether as a coach or sparing partner idk). He picks up the rules and techniques of the sport quickly. Wins and losses here and there.

The structure of having a training schedule, developing passion for boxing, and Doc being there to listen to him about his struggles. It all helps him get a better grasp of his emotions and helps him understand himself better.

As for how he got the gimmick of Bald bull? The producers of WVBA and Bull's manager suggested it. WVBA gets people in seats by promising unbelievable performances that wouldn't necessarily be legal in any regular boxing ring. The more 'crazy' a boxer seems, the more people are gonna want to see the show live. Thus, a good business decision to sell more seats.

It for sure took some convincing, but Bull ended up agreeing to at least try the persona (especially since marketing had already been told to use the title for him). So he faked his anger and exaggerated his mannerisms to the fullest.

He winds up ending the fight in round one with, his now signature move, the Bull Charge (Essentially being improvised by his new title). The display spontaneously makes his popularity sky rocket more that the producers had anticipated.

He gets booked for matches more and more, having a high success rate thanks to his Bull charge. His manager makes sure his schedule isn't set up in a way that would cause burn out though. This leaves him a fair amount of time to consider how he feels about the sudden shift in his life.

It feel strange to be encouraged to act similarly to how he did when was a 'troubled teen', but the persona is showing to be very successful for him... Oh well.

So yeah, chill dude who pretends to be deranged because it sell tickets :3

[side note because I was just reminded of the fic writer's name on AO3! Detective Capan has greatly impacted how I interpret Bald Bull]

[shrimpsalot]

Oh gawd I dreamt of quite a weird AU(?) last night so yapping ahead!!

So for whatever reason instead of getting a full ss3, we just get random episodes here and there about their 11th-12th year? Randy and Howard's relationship r still ride or die but they managed to form a bigger friend circle with Theresa, Debbie, Julian, Bucky and Rachel and often have lunch together in a more darker gloomier version of the cafeteria (think it's just my irl school cafeteria that got projected into my dreams 😭 but for shits and giggles let's say Slimovitz ran out of budget to fix it completely after another monster attack). Unfortunately there was an assignment in class that put Howard and Debbie in the same group, idk about everyone else, and they have to research about stuff like Ninja's Japan origins, tactics, fighting techniques, types of weapons he used etc. Ofc no one knows it better than randy (and kinda howard) so when they were fighting about it during lunch, Randy just casually went "no actually because if you maneuver your body like that you wouldn't ensure a safe landing and might twist your ankle, also the chain sickle is used more as a defensive weapon such as blocking a sword, locking the opponent's weapon in place and potentially yanking it towards you, and did you know smoke bombs are crafted wit-" accidentally yapping about things Nomicon taught him until Howard cuts in to save his butt "see Debbie, even Cunningham's more knowledgeable about the ninja you sure you've been studying him properly for your reports?" which re-enabled their argument and divert the attention away from randy(which he's gonna thank Howard for later). A bit of time later an attack happen in town while they were working on the assignment in the cafeteria after school, Randy ofc had to leave but it'd be suspicious so he made an excuse maybe smth along the lines of they can learn more by watching the ninja fight and everyon agreed. Again he separated from them mid-walk to do some ninja-ing, which worried theresa that he's nowhere to be seen while Howard and Debbie is still fighting about their research. Howard couldn't take it anymore as well as lowkey bothered by Theresa so he called randy to prove that he's safe, AND to call for backup on his ninja knowledge. The phone call was the same vibe as ones in the show and while Howard was too engrossed on the convo, Ninja!Randy holding the phone answering while fighting got launched backwards to the front of the alleyway where the group was but randy didn't see them so he was unaware that they heard the phone convo. When he was finished and transformed back, he immediately ran into them after turning a corner and the first thing he said is "heeyyyy uh so I got a lil lost where were you guys? Ahaha" all for Debbie to respond with a shocked expression "YOU'RE the ninja?!?"

"what?? Nooooo I I am definitely not the Ninja psshh what makes you say that? I'm just a lil ol me Randy that's right there's no ninja here-", Theresa then explained they overheard his phone call and Randy gave in, only to be slightly offended to see Bucky looking defeated and handing Rachel $5. Cartoon scene cut and we see randy on his hands and knees in front of debbie(nothing too serious its like those comedy anime gags type of pose)

"What a sight. An 800 year old ninja vs the power of journalism." Bucky tries to lighten up the mood. Randy is begging Debbie not to write about this (for the second time) and she's having a hard time accepting (again) so she asked "what if I do write it? What would you do?" making randy look up at her with a serious face without saying anything, causing slight misunderstanding

"y-you're gonna erase me?!"

"what?? No ofc not I was just gonna mind wipe you!!!"

"mind wipe?"

"uh I mean-"

"what, by using that book that you sometimes drool on while being unconscious?"

"W-what book?-"

"is that like an 800 year old ancient ninja book of wisdom?"

"HOW ARE YOU STILL GOOD AT THIS???"

"wait 'still'?"

"CUNNINGHAM WILL YOU STOP TALKING SHE FEEDS ON YOUR ANSWERS" Howard shouted from the side

"do you mean you've mind wiped me before??"

"huh is it that time in 9th grade where you broadcasted to the whole town that he's the ninja which turned out to be false?" Rachel questioned

"I did what in 9th grade?????"

"... Debbie please" Randy pleaded

"Randy this is ridiculous" Debbie pinched her nose bridge "then why don't you just mind wipe us this time?"

"um..."

"because you can't or because the book will get mad at you?"

"enough with the mind wipe how did YOU know he was the ninja Rachel?" Howard saving randy once again

"well that time I got turned into a monster and the Ninja made me an apology song, it sounded awfully familiar to randy during music class so I just guessed, plus whenever we hang out and there's an emergency he's always the first one to disappear on us"

"and you gotta admit Randy's jokes are as bad as the ninja's " Bucky chimed in

The mood between them improved so debbie eventually agreed because they're friends for the past year or so, and that's when I started to wake up :') one more weird thing is the ninja in my dream didn't have a red scarf around his neck, it's more like black-blue color and idk maybe he looks cooler that way? At least it is in my dream

Thank u for reading I'll think about whether to make this into a real AU or not 😭😭 Edit: i just realized i dreamt of Julian but the entire time he was standing behind theresa, also worrying about randy but idk why he didnt do anything else :')

[riansdiary]

Hi! I'm new here and idk whether you answered this already but can you please give me some steps on how to manifest?

Hello darling! Sure! 😊

Okay but I just wanna let you know first that there are so many ways to manifest and you just have to find what works for you!

My best tip for beginners is to go with the basics! I'm gonna link some videos that I watched when I was starting with this but for you in the simplest way, manifesting is just thinking/assuming/deciding that you have your desire. I'll also include the way I manifest so you can try it for yourself!

Here's the videos I recommend!: 👑 👑 👑

For the way I manifest now:

1. I think of what I want. Let's use my crackers manifestation for this that I already manifested as an example.

I wanted this specific brand of crackers that I was craving.

2. I did the techniques that have always worked for me. I decided that I'm gonna get those exact brand of crackers. I also commanded my subconscious mind to get that for me. I just did that in my head and said, "Subconscious mind, I command you to get this brand of crackers that I'm craving and I want a whole pack of it. I affirmed to remind myself and kept deciding that I have it now every time I thought of it. "I have the crackers now. It's already done."

I was contemplating on adding the problem I had but this might help you so you wouldn't make this mistake I did. I basically wrote it in my manifestations list in my notes app and thought of it as a process because of that. I was finding it in the 3d. ⚠️ Which we shouldn't be doing because we're focusing on the old story, on the 3d which is really just an old moving newspaper like the one in Harry Potter. It's reflecting our thoughts and assumptions so why focus on that when technically whatever we say is true in the 4d already and then if we persist, the 3d then reflects and follows the 4d. The 4d is our mind. Manifestations happen instantly in the 4d. I was finding it in the 3d especially when my siblings came home from the supermarket. But I already have the crackers because I said so so why am I reacting to the old story?

3. This is just as important as step 2. Do not pay attention to anything you don't want in the 3d because it will stick in your reality so why not focus on the fact that you already have it? Just keep persisting that you have it and remind yourself when you think of that desire.

4. Relax in the knowing that you have it and it's done. Do what makes you happy because that will distract you from finding it in the 3d. Leave the 3d alone. It's not our job to change it. We only decide we have it and we do. Watch movies, play games or hang out with friends. Do your hobbies. Just go and do what you think will make you happy. It's what the version of you who has all their desires would be doing. What would happen when we have our desires? We'll be happy, won't we? Why not feel that now naturally? It'll make you feel good and stop you from worrying about your manifestation. You could say "I have it, it's already done" every time you think about your desires and force yourself to think of something else. It's called the distraction technique. It stops you from thinking negative thoughts about your desires.

I love what @remcycl333 said in her post that I linked with the word distract:

"i have found that it’s not about letting it go, it’s about leaving it alone. i planted my seed, i watered it, now i just need to relax and wait for it to grow. i can’t keep digging it up and checking on it and then complain that it hasn’t sprouted yet. it’s mine, it’s always been mine, but if i focus on the lack all of the time, all i’m gonna see is lack reflected back to me in my 3d."

Here's a link to her amazing distraction technique: 💖

Okay, to continue the story, I realized I was thinking of it as a process and not that I have it now so what I did was say this in my mind. "I have the crackers, it's in the pantry" I assumed or thought that it's already here in my reality and you know what I did after? I just lied down and watched a Disney movie to relax because it's now here and it's already done. I just relaxed because I have it now. I had a lot of fun watching something from my childhood instead of getting anxious or worrying about that manifestation. I highly recommend this way. And guess what happened a few hours later? Yup, my dad and brother came home from where they went to and they bought the exact pack of crackers I wanted and another brand that I really liked!

That's it and I hope this helps you! 💖

[amyoffline]

things that make more sense now that i know i'm autistic: an incomplete list

~communication~

i am not an intuitive communicator. i am the opposite of an intuitive communicator. my brain's first interpretation of any statement is always literal and accounting for subtext/context/nuance is something that happens later. i'm practiced enough that sometimes i can do it subconsciously, but when i'm relying on that i sometimes get a situation wildly wrong. sorry if any of you have ever been on the receiving end of one of those mishaps. idk i also learned Basic Speech™ late and only with professional help lol

re: above - lots of "you're embarrassing us, that was an offensive faux pas, be ashamed, go apologize" incidents until i was about 16 and started actively trying to pick apart how people communicate like weird little bugs

………no wonder i became a statistician. we get pedantic about the exact phrasing of a sentence fragment because of the various ways people can interpret things

i was generally the "annoying" or "weird" friend that people barely put up with unless i was in a group of people who were more straightforwardly or openly neurodivergent

i have a few primary interests that i am Very Invested In, and struggle to make conversation if none of those topics are appropriate. luckily for adult amy, most people are at least receptive to chatting about either cooking or politics

maybe martial arts was such a core pillar of community and social interaction for me growing up because virtually every parent of a neurodivergent kid was sticking them in martial arts classes in the 2000s

good old christianity gave me a complex when i was young because i don't experience or express empathy "correctly" (particularly when you layer gendered norms on top of pre-maga christian norms)

i made a really conscious effort in therapy to force myself to be more Type B, but before that i was one of those kids/teens/young adults that would get very anxious if there wasn't a rigid, carefully considered plan for any given activity, and then very upset if a plan didn't work out for some reason

~sensory~

when i was an unmedicated teenager, i'd categorize my frequent menty b's into a few different categories: 1) panic attack, 2) anxiety attack (one of a few specific triggers), 3) anxiety attack ("there's just too much stuff happening at once"). medication dramatically reduced the frequency of those first two, but not the third, which makes sense in hindsight since that's just sensory overload.

i suspect i had sensory overload most often in those years because i was too old for it to be socially acceptable to carry a book or magazine around everywhere (to focus on so i could tune things out), i didn't have a smartphone (to apply the same technique), and i didn't have the agency to be like "no, i'm not going to try to pay attention to everything going on here. it stresses me out and i can't accurately process all that input anyway." if it sucks... hit da bricks!!

while on this thread: i had that classic phobia of balloons popping. sorry to anyone who invited me to a party before about 2007

i've always kept my fingernails very short. i cannot stand them growing much past the nail plate, it's awful, and i borrowed the "sensory reasons" explanation from autistic folks as soon as i learned that vocabulary existed. i had a similar problem with my hair for a very, very long time - i just couldn't deal with the potential for stray hairs. the image below only shows about 1/3 of the barrettes i was wearing (2011 or 2012). it didn't work and looked ridiculous.

that "fidgety" label i got stuck with early on might have just been describing stimming?? sometimes it feels more like a compulsion than an idle animation (like, "i need to do this right now, i can't remain still"). i guess that's what makes it a stim?

i was an EXTREMELY picky eater as a kid. to the extent that, for about a year, i wouldn't eat anything other than chick-fil-a nuggets and kroger frozen pizza - and i hated drinking anything, including water. you have never in your life seen a more constipated preschooler. i ended up in the hospital about it. my food selectivity reduced to more functional level after that, though i continued to have texture issues with beef and most raw fruit (neither of which I frequently eat as an adult), and I didn't become a truly adventurous eater until cooking and baking became one of my primary hobbies. which brings us to...

~special interests~

let it be known that toontown was my very first special interest. in the stereotypically autistic way and also a fannish way (i made friends do toontown roleplay with me, and was accused by adults of having an addiction to the game despite my access to it being strictly restricted to 1hr/day over summer breaks. it was just the only thing i wanted to talk about). it feels very cathartic to be able to label this as a special interest from 20 years in the future.

there were a lot of periods when i'd just replay or rewatch or reread the same thing over and over again. in fourth grade, i watched a ripped copy of madagascar every single day after school. for months. why? why madagascar?

(pov: you try to talk to me about your broad fannish interests, circa 2010-2012) "i can't care about other youtubers or get into one direction. i've already hit my quota with dan and phil"

being utterly consumed by final fantasy vii in late 2015 to the extent that i basically abandoned all other fandoms and all unrelated hobbies for a year and a half

clocked 💀. context: i've written over 400,000 words of final fantasy walkthroughs that i only share with friends. i just... wanted to make them. the most comprehensive guide to ffx-2 in existence lives on my hard drive and you have to ask me for it

[almea]

The lore drops in 3.2 were truly wild.

Oh my god, I can't believe Stelle's been fucking DEAD since 3.0. And it's so sad to think about how Dan Heng has been silently worrying about how badly she was hurt when they landed this whole time but she seemed fine now so he didn't want to say anything.

Oronyx's trial was so good. I loved the delivery of their lines and I could really feel how sad and tired they were. I hope we get to see the mortal who became Oronyx in the previous cycle because I feel like I would Love Them. I think they may have been a child since Mem kept saying Oronyx acts like a child.

Also, I'm very proud of Mem for being able to speak properly now, but my (probably) unpopular opinion is that I thought her "Mem memmy mem mem" speech was very cute, especially once she started peppering proper words in it. And I'm just so curious about what the process for recording Mem's lines were. Did they have the voice actor record a bunch of different "mem" and "memmy"s and then build Mem's lines from that bank, or did the voice actor record all of Mem's lines as they appear in the game? Mem's intonation seemed to change depending on what their lines actually mean, so it's possible that it's the latter. And if that was the case, was the voice actor given the exact sequence of "mem"s and "memmy"s they had to say for each line, or did they get the "plain text" of Mem's lines and were told to just wing it with what they said and try to match the length and punctuation of the line.

I thought March was Mother in 3.0, but I kept seeing people saying it was Cyrene so I started to doubt myself. But then with the Oronyx scene I am once again on the March is Oronyx's Mother train. Mem is clearly Cyrene or at least connected to her, and Oronyx doesn't react to her like she's Mother or connected to Mother so that doesn't really fit to me anymore.

I still can't believe Stelle actually became a demigod… I think it was set up well enough (Stelle being able to use Oronyx's prayer, Oronyx responding to Stelle (or March's camera) and wanting to speak with her, that shot in Nameless Faces where Stelle's like bringing a flame to her chest, what's very clearly the Astral Express's shadow being shown when "outlanders from faraway realms" are mentioned in the first Golden Epic trailer, the fact that Remembrance Stelle's technique stops time) but I was still pretty surprised that they went through with it. Tell me what powers she gets from being a demigod though!!! I want to see them!!

I'm also like. lmao is no one going to bring up how, now that they know the demigods become the next Titans, Stelle would need to become the next Time Titan and wouldn't be able to leave Amphoreus? Like, yeah, as far as they know, they're stuck on Amphoreus for the time being, but no one is bringing up the fact that Stelle is sooo deeply tied to Amphoreus now. idk maybe that's a conversation for 3.3 since it was only proven to the characters close to the end of 3.2.

I do still wonder if it's only temporary because she hasn't appeared in the book yet so I'm still suspicious. There's a chance that she can give it to someone else, maybe Mem if she's able to go back to being Cyrene (assuming that theory is correct), because I can't stop being like, surely Stelle isn't going to STAY a demigod of a world she has to eventually leave.

Anaxa's English voice actor also being Wise's voice actor in ZZZ is kind of funny to me. His Wise voice and Anaxa voice are distinct enough from each other because their vibes are so different, but you can still tell they're voiced by the same person. And when Anaxa started talking about having a sister and how much he loved her I was just like, oh my god, is Anaxa just Wise if he lost Belle?

Before 3.2 I saw someone say Aglaea and Anaxa had divorced vibes and I was like, honestly, I could kind of fuck with that. And then when Cerces was looking through Anaxa's thoughts about Aglaea and said he thinks very highly of her and his reply is that he's a teacher so he has to grade everyone fairly, ie he believes thinking highly of Aglaea is just the objective thing to do, I was like, oh no, I think I REALLY fuck with this. Especially because, at least in English, he sounded a little flustered when he said it.

So when Aglaea and Anaxa were talking about Phainon, I was just like, this is a divorced couple talking about how great their son is.

At the end Anaxa was like "If only we talked to each other properly, we could have avoided so much trouble" and I was like, these two are so fucking messy, I have no choice but to ship it.

Anaxa's kind of an ass, but I really did enjoy him. He really lived up to his title of the Great Performer with the cutscenes of him casting his vote for the Flame-Chase Journey to continue and returning the Reason Coreflame to the Vortex of Genesis. The Drama!!! The Flair!!!

I'm very deeply in love with the revelation that the Titans were once humans who became demigods before becoming Titans. I love cycles!!!! I'm here for this shit!!! But oh my god, the fact that they don't remember their time before becoming Titans… The idea of Calypso and mortal Mnestia being in love and still being in love as Titans even though they lost all their mortal memories…

It also broke my heart into tiny little pieces when Castorice told Mydei that they (along with Cipher) would be reincarnated as the Titans that brought nothing but pain to people in the next cycle. They're both such good people that it's heartbreaking to think of them being hated by humanity in the next cycle.

I truly love the whole idea that Mnestia gave people love, but love only really meant something with the arrival of death. I feel like it fits well with Castorice being Death and also being the gentlest and kindest of all the Chrysos Heirs.

Castorice's whole story was just me being like, Castorice has never done anything wrong in her life ever and only deserves happiness. Her whole scene with Polyxia was so heartwarming and Polyxia's voice acting was so good and really conveyed her sadness about the whole situation so well. Like, my heart hurt so much the whole time. Oh, but Castorice being so Loved by her sister that she brought her back to life in the next cycle.

Her last cutscene is honestly so beautiful that it's painful. I've watched it so many times and I'm so happy for her because she's happy and she's accepted her place and duty in the world, but I'm sooooo sad that she's gone from the story, at least for now. Like, at least she's technically still alive and she's with her sister and she's going to make the afterlife a beautiful, gentle place, but I'm going to miss her so much!!!

Last version Trianne died and Mydei left the story. This version Castorice left the story and Anaxa died. I'm noticing a pattern here with the banner characters and I'm living in fear for Hyacine and Cipher in 3.3 lmao. Especially Hyacine because the trailers have so much "Hyacine is going to fucking die" imagery and I'm like, nooooo, she's so sweet, leave her alone.

Also, what the fuck do you mean Hysilens is already dead? Her design looks so cool, you can't rob me of her being in the story. And what are the consequences of a demigod dying? How did she even die?

I almost cried at the Acheron appearance. I saw all those red text options and I was just like "Haha, Penacony Acheron throwbacks" and then she just fucking appears?????? I miss her so much!!! I don't remember if the Myriad Celestia where we get to catch up with some old friends is before 3.3 or 3.4, but I can't fucking wait, I just want to see Acheron again.

I'm probably going to switch to playing with Japanese voices for 3.3 if there are still missing English voices because I'm so sad that the Acheron moment would have hit so much harder if it had been voiced. I was still playing with the English voices this whole time because all the Amphoreus characters were voiced and I REALLY love Aglaea and Castorice's English voices, but I don't want to be jumpscared by old characters showing up muted anymore.

I'm glad we got an update on March, and I'm side-eyeing Black Swan a little after it because I feel like she's being a little shady and vague. There's Something about Stelle being dead and being held together by memories until now and March maybe apparently losing her ability to have memories.

I'm curious what she meant about Fuli. Like, was that from when Stelle drew their gaze or is this something new to be dealt with in 3.3?

[youphoriaot7]

I nearly nothing about tma but the it seems cool for the little I've seen in arts

But I would love to know your thoughts about the Favela Six

oh hell yes, this is my forte *cracks knuckles* get ready, because these are my streamers and i am so ready for this you have no idea the floodgate you've just opened /j

cellbit is the web and i'm so sorry but no one can change my mind on this. the way he works with and against the federation, the way he uses information? a lot of his techniques are super eye-coded, but the way he reacts to events and the way events happen to him is so much more web than eye. fear of being controlled? you can't tell me that his absolute devastation when he handed his evidence over to the federation wasn't partially due to the fact that he was beginning to realize just what it is the federation do. how they do it. why they do it, even. their manipulation.

now, tazercraft are so interesting. because mike is 100% the desolation (man's is generally portrayed as a creeper-hybrid for a reason). fire, explosions, aggressive personality, destruction, pain, a shorter temper than pac—he fits it to a t. but pac is the vast, and yes, you're damn right that i'm basing a lot of this off of all of this poor cubito's trauma with water. but his huge self-worth issues also play into it! because insignificance plays a big part in the vast. :D (i could see an argument for the lonely, but i'd argue that due to his relationship with mike it wouldn't work—at least, not without mike also being lonely-touched [which uh. also makes sense.].)

felps is the spiral. this is practically self-explanatory; i mean, have you seen that square? that thing is a yellow door just waiting to be opened. he talks in circles. he says the most random things. felps is felps. (i could also see an argument for the stranger, but i don't necessarily agree with it—there are better stranger candidates on the server.)

bagi is tricky since she's still fairly new…but i would say the hunt is a pretty good pick for her. she hasn't been as, well, uh, traumatized as cellbit/the others (i just said cellbo because investigator things), so she's still sharp. she doesn't let much get away from her. she's got a sharp eye, a sharp nose, and an iron grip. leave her a clue, she'll solve the puzzle.

forever was fucking hard, dude. i'm settling with the extinction, even though i know not everyone "accepts" that one as a fear. [valid.] i don't know why. just something about the idea of "the fear of catastrophic change, the extinction of humanity and its replacement by something else, especially by humanity's own doing" just feels so...i dunno. vibey for forever. also the fact that he uses so much securitycraft, and the extinction really enjoys technology. idk. i'm not afraid to admit i struggled with forever. skjgfks

thank you for asking!! >.> :D hope i was entertaining >:3

[xxx-theartofsuicide-xxx]

Greetings, I'm a fairly new gal to the beetlejuice fandom (I've seen the movie and the cartoon back in the day but I've never engaged in the fandom until the musical came out) And English speaking spaces are.. not exactly new, but still, most views they share don't come naturally to me, or I straight up disagree anyway. So, while I can't fully stomach how agressive you are with your views (I get why you are though, and I think you are admirable for how set in your ideals you are and how they are not your typical cancel culture cultists bullshit) your posts about dark romance and why a lot of afab like them and why mass media hates that afab like them give me some food for thought.

So, I just wanted to say thank you? I always felt so very guilty for liking stuff that *my* side of the internet wouldn't even look twice at, because most of spaces that use my language don't care either way, but English speaking side of the internet keeps telling you, you are a creep for liking (And I was literally a minor then I first started feeling like this). I just.. it's so refreshing to see that there's sides of eng speaking fandoms which aren't either a puritists who would devour you for saying or doing ONE minor wrong thing they consider unforgivable, or straight up (usually amab) creeps who find excuses for predatory behavior in real life and are straight up homophobic and transfobic.

It always felt like I either don a persona of being this.. strange ideal of a person with views that I don't fully agree with, blame myself for liking things I'm not supposed to, and keep very very quiet about myself and my interests or I'm joining the other side which is even worse. I, as a young adult woman (can't even drink yet if I was living in America), always felt the need to fit.fit.fit. And now that you pointed out how misogynistic most of the views of those people are, I feel less... uncertain? At least I know there's things I need to think on, and I might've viewed a lot of the things in a way I wouldn't agree with if I had more information. So, I wrote this to say thank you, and to tell you that while people hate you for speaking your truth, your opinions and your strong personality can and will make young adult women like me who don't quite fit, think. It will be reassuring to know that there's someone out there, who is older and more experienced who still likes the same things and is a nice person. Who is agressive, yes, but it's an indication of their strong personality their ability to defend their views who isn't afraid of being bold and loud and use curse words and balantly say "fuck you" to the people who try to shun them, even if I, myself, am not that brave or strong. I used the anon for a reason. I still fear people using my words against me, but the fact that you aren't despite not being part of either group I described is.. it means a lot.

So thank you.

(I'm so very sorry if my anon comes off a bit rambly and is hard to understand, I am still learning how to express myself properly in this language. )

I am picking up the message you are laying down, don't worry about translation issues. Your English is pretty good actually, if you hadn't told me it wasn't your first language idk if I would have known.

I'm aggressive because I have to be as a survival technique. Any show of vulnerability is immediately capitalized on and used to hurt me because these motherfuckers are obsessed.

If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. I stand for freedom of fiction, and for women and girls; and everything that entails.

I've been cancelled and cancelled and cancelled and I'm still here lmao. I'm still popular. I still get messages like these from people like you who resonate with me. Cancelling isn't anything but free publicity for my nasty beetlebabes fanfic. My numbers always shoot after interactions like this.

I'm just saying what we're all thinking and I'm not apologizing for it. These people depend on your fear. Fear is how they control you. "Think/talk/act this way, don't step out of line, or we will use every tool at our disposal to destroy you." I welcome each and every one of them to please give it their best damn shot.

They ain't got shit on me. And they ain't got shit on you either, babe. Don't be afraid of anyone who uses fear tactics to control you. If you're not afraid of them, they lose all their power.

[sunskate]

RD -

Olivia and Tim skated in an early group and looked good - they look more comfortable in the RD than the FD - their highest base value this season with all level 3 steps. good for him ☺️ Kaitlin and Jean-Luc, KMT and Trennt in his Leafs jersey came to watch them - stayed for a bit but were mostly on their phones except for O/T

Luca Lanotte tried to loud clap to get the audience going for his team - i really wish coaches wouldn't do that - let the skating speak for itself. it feels like a lack of confidence in them or the coach inserting themselves into the situation. clapping for an element done well is one thing, but clapping into the silence is distracting more than anything

Koko have improved- they're skating bigger, too. you sometimes hear people say teams don't improve past a certain point, but it's not true. i never noticed their Ghostbusters costumes are distressed with green goo lol

36 teams, and only one with a deduction - 24 teams with all positive GOE. they work so hard and so many did really well. Bratti/Somerville were looking good and then 😢 slowed down it looks like he might have hit the back of her boot and then toe picked? i felt so bad for them. interesting that the judges from Spain and Slovakia gave them PCS like the fall didn't happen, while Poland gave them 6.75 in SS and along with a few other judges dropped them hard

i loved seeing the Czech teams live - they are very fast, the Taschlers especially cover ice, and i'd love to know how their technique is different from what IAM/O do. the Taschlers 💔 - it looks like she has a split second to look down and put her blade on his boot, and somehow she didn't get a foothold and slipped. maybe it was safer for it not to go up than for her to fall off mid-lift, but 😭

Hannah and Ye were great- they've grown a lot since August. they got their levels - only Piper/Paul, Olivia/Tim and CPom had higher BV - they tied with R/A and the Ukrainian team, Holubtsova/Bielebrov - i would have had them above the Mrazeks. hopefully their GOE and PCS will start to rise after this competition, because they were impressive-- first year seniors and 14th!

R/A's guns n roses live is high energy, big - kept seeing her sister around and having to look twice if it was Allison

CPom - they did SO well - i had been thinking this whole time her new dress is green - i think the yellow notes in the beige material made me see green instead of blue - i did wonder at one point why the accent color on Anthony's didn't match - it's probably just me who didn't put this together lol their skating just feels substantial, and they have beautiful unison and unity as a team

and LaLa are so rhythmic and sharp in this program - they can flow and hit the accents at the same time, which not many teams do. they're hearing the tempo. they can skate so specifically to the beat. you can see the music in their movement, which is the best - i love them so much. i think it's partly that, plus the flow and someone mentioned their speed of rotation that makes them look so fast on a screen. live, they are fast, but not quite as much as it looks on a stream

Madi Chock uses her arms and hands very very skillfully and beautifully. i still get taken out sometimes by how her speed increases and edges are deeper when he's pulling or pushing her vs when she's moving on her own. but they have great timing with each other. was it 90+? idk 😬

G/F i could rave about their skating skills some more lol

after hearing Carol Lane talk about how she intentionally choreographs "hits" - unusual movements or accents that are supposed to grab the audience - in this case those little hops G/P do - into the programs, it started to feel slightly contrived and the vertical motions a way to distract from how Piper's carriage isn't the best. i still like it, even the belly flops, but maybe a little less than i did?

5 hours of ice dance ❤️

[dei-ryuu]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers!

@isleofair did their response to this questionnaire and I wanted to try to!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

14, most from doing an OTP week a couple years back. I'm... very much focused on my long running wip...

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

417,808 and most of it is just from Symbiosis (at 290K atm)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Just Ace Attorney right now. I've had other fandoms I've written for in the past, (my ff.net repertoire was much more diverse) but they're mostly fandoms I've fallen out of.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Symbiosis (2,408)

Perennial Pursuits (661)

Rule of Three (574)

Unlock Successful (567)

Day and Night (393)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Not really. Mostly if someone asks me a specific question (that wouldn't be a plot spoiler). I'm very bad a responses, since my main reaction to comments is just a big dumb grin on my face.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Sleep Talk??? I guess??? It's a side-story to the main fic so there's not really an ending and some of the introspection it focuses on is little sad. Idk, I'm not that big into angst.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I'd say Unlock Successful because it's a sappy proposal fic.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully I have yet to. Maybe during the olden days (ff.net), but I don't remember at this point.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope. Not opposed to it, just hasn't been relevant for anything I'm working on.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I used to. I did a Danny Phantom/Scooby-Doo crossover a loooong time ago. Nowadays I do more characters in X universe/setting (aka AUs).

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

If I have, it's not been brought to my attention.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Someone was working on a Chinese translation of Symbiosis and I wish them all the luck with that beast if they're still at it.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope. Don't have fic-writers I'm close with (something I should change, but introvert habits die hard)

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Wizardmon and Gatomon! (Wizgato or Wiztail) I used to write for them - again, the ff.net days - and I want to again! Just lacking in ideas.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I only have one wip I want to finish, which is Symbiosis, but I AM going to finish it. I dunno when that'll happen, but it WILL happen gdi

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've been told I'm good at characterization and getting the tone right. And I enjoy my overall writing style.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm stubborn when I get stuck. I know a technique you're supposed to do is skip whatever you're stuck on and write the next section, but I am very bad at that. I try to just push through until I get it and then my brain allows me to work on the rest of the scene.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I personally avoid it to avoid butchering other languages. I write around POV, so the reader is generally meant to have the same info as the character we're following: if the POV understands the language I'd translate it while making a note that it wasn't said in english, and if they don't, say something was said in X language and leave it there.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Probably Danny Phantom, but who really knows at this point. I've been writing fic for a long time

20. Favorite fic you've written? Symbiosis is my baby. It's tormented me for years at this point, but it is very much my baby. I always wanted to write books when I was younger and it's the fic that helped me realize that that's something I can still do.

Similarly to how I found this, if you want to do this, feel free to (and also feel free to tag me if you do)

[ourceliumnetwork]

Alright, debrief time

(pretend i was able to find a fittingly funny gif of someone removing their trousers quickly and/or explosively)

honestly there should be *way* more easily findable gifs of this, but my search-fu technique is not doing me any favors this mor...today.

(it's not morning anymore, bummer. it felt like it'd been morning for hours, figured it might stick around longer. alas)

so. This weekend was busy - i mean yesterday was the necessary "everyone recover your spoons and refill your social batteries because we drained them completely" day, but idk if it was enough tbh lol.

Friday was exactly as expected with no concerns during the outing or subsequent hangout. Like i was tired and very much had absolutely Done An Outing but I was doing pretty good all things considered, both immediately after hangouts were done and also the next morning. I was tired, but like. The expected amount of tired and I felt very optimistic about the day. I didn't even really feel like i needed medicine and considering I've felt like I needed to take medicine in the morning every single day this past week, pretty impressive tbh imb.

And Saturday was already going to be the tricky day - i went into this weekend knowing what i was up against, and with the understanding that I was going to probably accidentally do some damage to myself but it's *on purpose*. It has a *point* and I think that makes it different to the rest of the times i've done this to myself.

So even though I absolutely should have and knew that going in, I did not take any medicine because that was the point.

For as long as any of us can remember, going all the way back into rather early childhood, my legs just always get exhausted really fast. I'd get in trouble for sitting down in P.E., my parents fussed at me about it when I was little, and I was told that I didn't actually feel that tired, and that I just needed to push harder because clearly if I was that tired so quickly then my muscles needed to do more work to become stronger. If I just worked them out, they would be stronger and wouldn't get tired so easily. It was on this metric that i ran in 4 half-marathon races with fairly decent time. Just keep pushing, you're tired because you're not in shape enough, just keep going. It doesn't matter that you run at least 3x a week, for longer and longer distances, it doesn't matter that you're going uphill for at least half of that time, it doesn't matter if you're eating a limited diet because the household is once more trying a lo-carb, or similar, crash diet we'll forget about as soon as we take a "vacation" or even just by the weekend, but god forbid I eat anything more than the Allotted Portion Allowed By The Parents before they start saying shit about how I need to eat less or save some for later, or save some for the rest of the family. If I just lost weight, if I was just *stronger* then I wouldn't complain so much and my legs would feel less tired.

In a move that will only ever continue to shock my parents, it did not work. About 15-30 minutes into any outing on a good day, my legs will start to ache like I've been, well, training for a marathon. Which I can accurately describe because i've fuckin done that.

But I've stopped taking note of it because i was told *so young* to just ignore it. It wasn't real, or it was real but everyone else just dealt with it better, or whatever. And by the way, i also was never allowed to sit and rest when it happened while I was a child - the stroller was something I didn't really have access to as good once my sister was born, and that was at around 3 years old. I may have gotten like A Year with access to it still, while she was still papoose-able, but once we needed it for her I was expected to suddenly be able to carry my own weight wherever we went.

My parents really like theme parks, family trail hikes, and going to festivals where you wander around and there's very little seating. I got used to ignoring it and pushing past really fast, but it meant that I just...really did not like going out very much. Our family trips were always kind of through a filter of "I'm not really enjoying myself as much as I thought I would and I have no idea why I'm so grumpy all of the time". it got passed off as teenage angst and my bad attitude, because i couldn't complain because i didn't know what was wrong.

plus it wasn't like complaining would have done me any good. I would get yelled at for voicing a concern or need, and then when I would have a Health Complication that made my parents look bad, I'd get yelled at for not saying something sooner. So I just stopped sharing and would handle my health issues quietly and to myself. I think my parents just assumed I grew out of or stopped experiencing several relatively frequent health issues I kept having because I stopped telling them about it and did my very best to hide what was happening when I was in pain or sick, until I absolutely couldn't. I knew my bad health would be a burden on them, so if I said something and they looked at me with "concern" (read: what appeared to be actual irritation in their alarm), I'd backtrack which I think led to both my being seen as a hypochondriac and a liar.

So this weekend was to see exactly how long it takes me to reach the point of "My legs are tired" and then when I hit the wall of "I can't do this anymore without a break". My partner took me thrift store shopping which was super fun and rewarding, but it really did put into perspective how much I've been hurting myself.

Within the time it took us to walk from the car across the parking lot (not even to the door necessarily yet), I felt the familiar burning ache of overworked muscles and I was like "Alright. Well. Here we go."

I don't know how long we were in the first part of the store, before we walked down to the other, bigger part. I had 2 flannel shirts and was looking at the pants and already my arm was aching. Once I picked 5 total things, we'd moved on from the clothes so I could see what else they had. Traveling through the rest of the store, my arm slowly got more and more tired.

I got separated from my partner in the store (was fine, even with my issue at feeling Lost in Stores) and realized I was starting to crash really fast - I was going to need the medicine I'd brought ASAP, but my drink was in the car, and I had to pay for my things and I didn't know where my partner was.

I found them, we grabbed like 2 more things, they helped carry the heaviest stuff, and we paid and left. Once in the car, knowing it was safe to feel the pain, knowing it was safe to not have to keep pushing and make myself keep going, I realized I couldn't do it.

The day-long shopping marathons the women in my family do, the parties, the festivals, the hikes and the amusement parks, I physically cannot do them. And I don't know how long it's been like this because I wasn't allowed to pay attention to that.

Don't get me wrong, I love all of those things, but I cannot do them under my own power and I haven't been able to in ages.

I always figured if everyone had the option of sitting down and wheeling along rather than having to use their own two legs, they'd take it. In fact, I assumed most folks would just casually dream of not having to stand up ever again, of not having to walk across vast distances from the house to the mailbox, of just not having to...not having to hurt? I figured most folks' legs hurt all the time just like mine and I figured everyone else was just better at dealing with it.

Even bringing out my cane and the medicine didn't really *help* all that much. We rested for a while, but I still really wanted to go to our friends' cookout later that evening, despite my partner now being too worn out for it. I was super prepped to go it alone (had already gotten confirmation and assurance that it was allowed and possible for me to rest while i was there), but I was glad that Meta Prime was also good to go hang out because it is easier with a buddy.

I think adrenaline has been doing a lot of heavy lifting for my body (no pun intended?) because the adrenaline of going to be around friends (plus also the medicine, and the use of my cane and probably also the ability to sit) helped reduce the amount of pain and stiffness I normally would have been in at that point, even by the time we got home. (that or someone was working overtime to push to the front and make it so we couldn't feel it yet - it's a thing i try not to think about it too hard it makes things confusing and complicated).

but even with yesterday spent in bed and high af most of the day, i'm still sore, still tired, still achy. And I just used to live like this. Like no fucking wonder I was useless after work all the time.

I think this has confirmed for me, however, that it might be something to absolutely look into to get a wheelchair. This of course does require that I get my ass in to see a doctor sooner rather than later (yes i know i haven't done it yet i am...struggling with the concept), and figure out how to get them to write me an Rx for one but like. Baby steps. I at least...can confirm that apparently most folks don't spend about half their waking time wishing they were more physically disabled so that it would be seen as reasonable to let them sit and be in a wheelchair and in fact that might be a symptom of being more physically disabled and perhaps sometimes needing a wheelchair.

but yeah i'm just...processing.

i've already taken medicine. It hasn't really done much, considering we're in the Peak Time it should be working, which probably illustrates exactly how bad I feel. I'm going to go back to resting and hope i feel better soon lol

[diagonal-queen]

im basically back so i'm doing this even though nobody will read it lol (i dont even blame you because look at all that TEXT)

Do you have a good relationship with your parents? not really i guess? it's complicated so imma just say nah

Who did you last say “I love you” to? i think to my dog lol

Do you regret anything? i regret writing rpf as a kid 💀 i also regret smacking my little brother's butt to discipline him as a kid. it goes against my stance of 'don't hit children' that i have today and i do feel real bad about it, i just emulated the parenting techniques i knew at that age.

Are you insecure? HELLA lmao

What is your relationship status? single as FUCK boiiiiiiiiiii

How do you want to die? peacefully and in my sleep with my puppies laying next to me

What did you last eat? right now i'm eating crackers

Played any sports? used to be a bit of a discus prodigy as a kid, and was also not a half-bad sprinter. i danced from 2-12 as well and also enjoyed chess. nowadays i don't play any sports

Do you bite your nails? i do on occasion but i try not to

When was your last physical fight? i've never been in one. maybe with my sister when we were kids? idk

Do you like someone? kind of? if that makes sense

Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? no. but i've tried for sure lol

Do you hate anyone at the moment? yeah, but by now it's a dormant hate that just lingers

Do you miss someone? is it possible to miss someone you haven't met irl before?

Have any pets? two doggos!

How exactly are you feeling at the moment? neutral, but like a 6/10

Ever made out in the bathroom? i mean a lot of people pee in the woods right so technically yeah

Are you scared of spiders? i'm desensitised mostly, like if i see one i won't kill it (unless i KNOW it's dangerous). if the spider is on me it's a different story

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? i literally always think about this lol. there's so much i wish i could change but at the same time, even though i don't like myself, i don't think i deserve to be put through all that again

Where was the last place you snogged someone? the gay bar

What are your plans for this weekend? moving lol

Do you want to have kids? How many? i would usually say 'i'm 20 i'm too young to consider it yet' but one of my classmates from highschool has a baby already so i don't know man T-T

Do you have piercings? How many? just on my ears

What is/are/were your best subject(s)? english and legal studies in highschool, and psychology now.

Do you miss anyone from your past? i reminisce but don't miss

What are you craving right now? a warm brownie would be great

Have you ever broken someone’s heart? HE said i did, i don't believe him, but even if i did he deserved it (trust me on this one. he deserved it.)

Have you ever been cheated on? not that i'm aware of, but i wouldn't be surprised if i was

Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? not that i'm aware of. i hope not??

What’s irritating you right now? the heat. i'm not having a hot girl summer at all T-T

Does somebody love you? i hope so

What is your favourite color? i like baby and dusty pink. and lilac

Do you have trust issues? i'm pretty sure

Who/what was your last dream about? last night i dreamt that i was in a relationship with pt4 jotaro. he was quiet, gentle and loving. this is weird because i am female

Who was the last person you cried in front of? i think my mother? if not then probably my bestie

Do you give out second chances too easily? yes, sadly

Is it easier to forgive or forget? it's hard for me to forgive someone if they don't at least apologise. so i guess forget

Is this year the best year of your life? it's february, but like hopefully yeah!

How old were you when you had your first kiss? sweet 16

Have you ever walked outside completely naked? no T-T

Favourite food? fried chicken, one specific chocolate cake, yellow nectarines and sushi

Do you believe everything happens for a reason? not in the way others do

What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? watched scott cramer

Is cheating ever okay? usually i'd say no. but there are rare instances where i reckon it's not necessarily a bad thing (as bad as that might sound)

Are you mean? i don't think so

How many people have you fist fought? none?? T-T

Do you believe in true love? yes

Favourite weather? dark and overcast (not raining), cool but not cold

Do you like the snow? i've only been in snow once and it was a good time. but i got ice in my eye during a snowball fight and it scarred me a little bit

Do you wanna get married? for sure i do! i know most people think of marriage culture as outdated and heteronormative (which i fully understand) but i do want to be a bride one day. i'd love that

Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? hm...when a girl does it i don't mind but when a boy does it it feels a little icky IM SORRY </3

What makes you happy? clowns, stuffed toys, colourful soap, poofy sleeves, tbh i'm really a six year old at heart and a lot of things make me happy

Would you change your name? okay so i wouldn't legally change my first name (i don't often like when people besides my family use it, but it's rare and pretty so i wanna keep it), but i would like to make Dia my legal alias that would be so sick. i would for sure change my last name though that shit boring asf

Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? no. i'd kiss her again she was nice

Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? i'd marry and adopt kittens with you @jesterph0bic

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? refer to question 55

Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? my brother (hbd btw)

Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? my sister

Do you believe in soulmates? yes but not in the traditional way

Is there anyone you would die for? yes

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

[heartlites]

so, i suppose as a little update in the diary that is my tumblr blog.

out of all those books i bought, i've finished two and i'm on the third one. it's taking me much longer to finish the third one because it just didn't grip me like the first two books did. the one's i have finished are my darling dreadful thing by johanna van veen (highly recommend for a gripping gothic story) and the last story of mina lee by nancy jooyoun kim (also a good read, but didn't grip me as severely as the former).

i'm currently reading nura and the immortal palace by m.t. khan. i think it has fantastic world building with a lot of fantastical scenery and people, very fun and imaginative setting, but the writing style is a bit simpler. i think it's a book better suited for a tween to teen audience.

i tried painting yesterday once again. i picked up some small i believe 5"x5" canvases over the weekend to give myself something small to work on. i didn't like what i made, tbqh, and i did end up throwing it away. the acrylic paint set i have is kind of limited and didn't capture what i wanted and i think i've forgotten a lot of painting techniques. i don't remember how to work with acrylics much anymore. i used oil paints more in the past. i'm wondering if i should maybe look up some stuff to help me figure out and re-learn techniques. however, this does also have me thinking about digital art again because i wouldn't have to struggle w finding my colors/mixing paints or the clean up lol. i wish i could find my old tablet.

i'm excited for fall coming in, i want to try to spend some more time outside again but i've been struggling with a lot of pain, boredom, and loneliness since i fell. i can't do as much around the house and it's frustrating and leading to some boredom to me. i've turned to video games more but i'm currently feeling a little unsatisfied with them.

generally just kind of really depressed as a whole in life, though. so much stress and little way to relieve it. socially i feel crushed and devastated. i feel like some kind of creature trying to imitate humans. i feel so distant and disconnected. my therapist is retired and i still haven't found a new one. idk what to do

edit: oh! an addition. i started playing dead by daylight recently. it wasn't as scary or intimidating as i thought it'd be. it's also not really that scary. horror media has started to surround me in life more and more in my life and i'm unsure how i feel about it these days. its not as traumatic of an ordeal for me anymore but some of it i just do not "get" but i'm trying to make peace with the fact that i don't have to "get" everything. so far i think my favorite form of horror media i've engaged with is probably written/novel forms. suspense and mystery intrigues me and draws me in more.