#because idk how to use that technique and it just wouldn't have been as good to animate without!

[kustas]

I recently witnessed someone on twitter with the spicy but interesting position of: the only people vehemently bitching against 2D puppets are the animators who have to use them. So, what's the tea, why's this debate even a thing, and is one side wrong?

Rigged 2D animation, also known as puppet animation, and prolly other terms I'm not aware of. Most 2D animators I know treat it with disdain as something they're forced to work on to survive instead of "real" animation (=hand drawn in this case), and while I've encountered less negative sentiments towards the medium coming from fans, I have seen several people complain about it unknowingly, correctly nailing visual aspects they don't like without knowing their cause. Additionally, it can be really hard to tell apart what's rigged and what's hand drawn in 2D, with many series mixing both to their advantage.

The reason for rigged stuff being so prevalent is that it's cheaper and faster. Where hand drawn requires redrawing your entire character/thing frame by frame to make it move, puppet animation uses, well, puppets, ready-made articulated models you just need to pose. It's also possible to use interpolation - instead of deciding by hand every image between two poses, you let the computer calculate it and come later to tweak how each part moves to make it look good. There is little to no drawing involved in rigged 2D, asides of rare shots that need a little part drawn over when the puppet can't do something specific, or drawing the eyes/mouths/hands/etc when you're making the puppets themselves. Notice I said series and not films in my previous paragraph - this is because animations with longer runtimes and/or shorter production times benefit strongly from this medium. You will not need to clean, to inbetween, to color and whatever other steps can go in hand drawn 2D when you have puppets. You can use the interpolations to your advantage on some movements. It's near impossible to be off model. You don't even need to draw!

And most animators uh, they're here because they like to draw. You can say animating and drawing are two different things, that is true, I've even heard it from the mouth of an insanely talented hand drawn animator called Liane-Cho Han who described himself as a poor drawer despite an impressive 2D portfolio. Poor drawer, good animator, it blew my mind at the time but when I started animating I understood what he meant. But puppet animation is still animation, and much closer to how 3D animation works, with stop-motion being comparable to hand drawn in terms of difference between these mediums. Yet you don't see industry-spanning bitching about 3D vs stop motion! This leads to my next point: puppets are limiting.

One of the advantages of hand drawn animation compared with other animation techniques especially those using character rigs is that you're not limited to said rigs. You can just draw anything, regardless of digital puppet constraints, of art style, of physics. If you can put it on paper, you can animate it. Puppets, both 3D and 2D, have limitations - the art needs to be made (sculpt, drawings) and be placed on a complex invisible digital skeleton allowing you to correctly manipulate your character, which is a job in itself. The more stuff you want your character to be able to do, the more complex it gets. You can't automate all of it. This means productions with lower budget and/or ambitions will tend to have simpler rigs which allow less. An example is angles: when you're hand drawing a character and want to pose them, you can pick whatever angle you'd like for all body parts. Rigs might not give this as an option, especially subtler angles of the head and foreshortening. This might make some movements you had in mind impossible, with a need to stylize your poses and your breakdowns. Not being able to have these angles can make for animation that looks stiff or awkward and can be very annoying to work with depending on the animator.

That artificial stiffness is to me, one of the telling signs something is rigged, and part of the reasons I don't like it myself! That's right, I'm with the haters here. Except stiffness doesn't necessarily mean something used digital rigs, and stiffness isn't inherently a bad thing - as with all art styles, it can just be that, a stylistic choice. Enters a director who's work I'll use as a counter example to the dislike of 2D puppets, both from an animator's and a hater layman's point of view on the results: Michel Ocelot.

Famous in France and way less internationally, two staples of his work are his fixations on fairytales and Africa. Fittingly, his most famous movie is probably Kirikou, a feature film which mixes both. Ocelot's work is stylized in a way unique to him, which can make his work very repetitive, but also makes it instantly recognizable. Some of his staples include static shot compositions, actors that talk like they're reading their lines out of an old book, busy backgrounds and folk tale tropes. Stiffness is just a part of what his movies look like, as are art styles that take inspiration from traditional art and past periods. He started out working before digital puppets were a thing, and while he's embraced digital techniques, releasing a full CG feature film in the 00s before it was the norm, he has worked without, including on Kirikou which is animated the old way.

The earliest of his films I've seen is called Princes and Princesses, it's already got everything typical of his work, and one of the latest of his films I've seen (and among my personal favorites of everything he's done) is called Black Pharaoh, and while decades and different techniques separate these two, they're both based around, you guessed it, puppets. P&P is a blatant hommage/reference to animation pioneer Lotte Reiniger, who used literal paper puppets to animate fantasy movies who's style is very reminiscent of the graceful, slightly simplified illustrations popular at the time. Black Pharaoh uses digital 2D puppets and is entirely animated using the (meticulously researched) style of ancient egyptian wall paintings. Both of these films tell a story, not like movies usually do, but like an orator retelling a tale does. And it works! The characters don't move in a 3D space, but it doesn't matter, they're from a fresco or are paper. The character's don't move realistically and it doesn't matter either, they're not trying to trick your eyes into looking real, they're characters of a story. Ocelot's films are a case where using puppets and their limitations works in favor of the film, not otherwise, and his stuff that's not made with puppets looks like it could be.

I'll briefly talk about a film I hate here to make the final point before my conclusion, netflix's Klaus. This is a film who's insanely impressive animation has floored people regardless of how much they know about animating. Unlike a lot of "this looks very cool" (actually p easy to make) animations you see going viral online, here everyone's right, it is indeed insanely hard to animate like that. Klaus was hailed because of it's uncanny ability to look like modern CG while being entirely hand drawn, which I think is stupid, because it's a lot of effort and talent wasted for a result that looks incredibly generic. Would this film have been bad if it had used CG? Why do people think hand drawn is better than CG in the first place? That I can't answer but the reason studios use it is money: either because it's trendy and will make more money because it's trendy, or because it's cheaper to make, which depends on what you're trying to achieve. In the end, they're techniques. Techniques have pros and cons and things they're better at than others. Time and money are essential to producing a film wether you like it or not.

So: are people wrong to hate on puppets? Nah, it's a question of taste. You can hate the look a technique gives and that's fine. But "ugly" is subjective and it's important to be aware of that if critiquing stuff is your job.

Was that tweet right? Yeah, pretty much, lol. For many if not most animators it's a technique they're forced to use, that removes a major reason they like their job from said job, and can be frustrating to work with. It's worth noting a lot of the work you'll get nowadays is on cheap productions, and the techniques they'll use most will be associated with the slop they are. Doesn't mean you'll inherently make slop. A technique is just that, a technique.

[exstasyplague]

UnPopular Jujutsu Kaisen Opinions (with arguments)

manga spoilers

☆ Yuji is the perfect MC

i've seen a lot of people trashing on him. some say gege writes him poorly and doesn't give him enough scenes, some say he's boring because he doesn't have any fancy cursed techniques. first of all, yuji has been aware of the jujutsu world for 6 months in manga; even less in anime. he doesn't have any OP cliche to him (looking at you Ichigo) and that makes him so much more enjoyable! when he loses he loses for good reasons and when he wins you can feel genuinely happy for him because you know he deserves it. he is a teenager and the shift in his mentalities embodies that perfectly; along with him we discover the cruelty and unfairness of the jujutsu world. at first, especially if you're a shonen watcher, you'd tend to believe he will shift to a high white knight borderline annoying mentality yet he doesn't, the jjk verse doesn't work like that. yuji is able to adapt. he has traits that you'd see in your real life friends: silliness, kindness, idiocy, love for jennifer lawrence etc but also traits that make him a perfect mc: empathy, resiliance, convinction, raw anger. + gege have him some of the HARDEST panels.

ㅡif it's just pain... Yuji Itadori won't ever stop

also. his last battle with mahito. hands down. best. panels.

mahito (another well structured villain) RUNNING for his life while yuji walks slowly behind him. if that doesn't show major improvement from the kid he was at the beginning idk what does. that's some MC shit right there man.

☆ Sukuna is not a fraud

the fraudkuna memes are funny. i admit. i'm sure mahoraga kisses him goodnight and tucks his blankey, however, sukuna is a fucking piece of shit, LOL (i mean it in the best way), my man literally became curse. people expect him to not use the weapons he has to his advantage as if he didn't want megumi from the beginning specifically for using his abilities. a good gun doesn't make you a military tier shooter. it's about the resources, it's about the experience, it's about the aim. "why doesn't he use his curse technique wah wah" — because he knows gojo is strong. unless he isn't absolutely sure he will strip him away from all his gimmicks, he has no reason to flaunt his true powers. sukuna wants to win. he wanted to kill gojo since the beginning of the series. i think the fight is balanced well, sukuna uses his resources and takes the consequences for being a tad too cautious. in the heian era when cursed energy had a purer, rawer output even domain expansions were simple in principles: you're in, i kill you. (line from the manga, btw) his CT is probably straightforward as well with a simple principle so having gojo use his infinity against it and figure out how to strip him naked would make him lose faster than todo called yuji his bestie.

☆ Gege doesn't hate women

because the unfortunate thing with nobara and yuki getting xd-d by kenjaku, a popular belief seems to be that gege is fond of trashing the women in his series. argument people have for that? "the only one in the spotlight is maki and she's female toji". first of all, if gege hated women he wouldn't write them as he does— each one of his lady characters is incredibly well structured and way beyond the love interest/ gotta be protected trope. mei mei, shoko, utahime, miwa and many others became non-existent, or what? even tengen is a woman. masashi kishimoto (the creator of naruto) is an author i'd say has 0 regards for women since the way most of his girl characters are built is literal dog shit. sakura is naruto's one sided love and a sasuke dickrider, hinata is a stalker that sharts when she sees naruto, karin is a sasuke dickrider, kurenai is asuma's chick and the only two women somewhat ok as a structure are tsunde and temari. (i am a big fan of the naruto series but i am spitting facts, also an avid sakura lover) plus there is a rumour that gege is a woman too and from the way sato sugu is written i'd agree anw

☆ Kenjaku is the best villain of the series

homie got railed by itadori's papi just for his plan, that's not even aizen level of plotting bro. he got drizzled in jizz and gave birth to yuji 💀

how good that d had to be for him to get impregnated....

ANYWAY jokes aside, he is very calculated and chill. he is not the strongest but his literal essence is to be a technique stealing leech and well, he's just that. with suguru, even in his villain arc you can empathize. sukuna is cool and straightforward: he wants to massacre people, kill gojo and then enjoy his life slashing random ass people who don't kneel is total submission.

kenjaku? bro, kenjaku has plans over plans and he executes all of them. even in geto's sexy body he still gets hated because there is genuinely nothing likeable about him. not because he's a poorly written character, he's written to be a piece of shit that makes you wanna break the screen when he gets a W and idk about y'all but even when he exorcised mahito i was like "aw hell nah bruh, get your hands off asap". may come as a shock, i know but we're like supposed to hate villains (not me being the biggest sukuna simp even in his crusty dusty OG form🤭) and well, nobody fucking roots for kenjaku. so gojo, go take your boyfriend's body or something fr.

☆ Yuta is.... mid

hear me out.

i don't hate him— not in the slightest. i hope he will actually have something going on with maki since apparently nobara is afk. i liked his entire rika situation but... bro.

yes, i will be going into the power system 😭I'M SORRY BUT like all he does is copy shit. wow. sure, he's a good copycat. i am not complaining about him being called so powerful and wtv but i don't find anything exciting about his battles and his personality is dead ass boring. do i get happy when he wins? yes. do i hope he'll come and save goatjo? yes. yes. yes. but people call him the real MC and all that shit... not even that— i... nothing in me likes him. my opinions are not absolute. his story is cool. i liked jjk 0 but the only thing that ruins his story is literally his lack of perosnality. and don't come at me for not grasping his depths or whatever. yuta is best fanfic y/n material because he can be turned into bashful stereotype really easily. "omg, best friend power, precious friends made me wanna live ❤️" very sweet HOWEVER very untouching for me. i only liked him when he made maki go all blushy because my girl deserves happiness.

☆ Toji actually cares about Megumi

is he the good father that would spoil his kid as a ray of sunshine?

no.

but he chose this. to forget about everything, to abandon his pride, to part himself away from the clan that rejected him and live his life on his own. megumi's mom made shit better for him and she died so his life became shit again. he thought that by entrusting megumi to the zenin clan he would actually be able to make something of himself since he had cursed energy.

also, people tend to forget just how conservative and judgemental the 3 big clans are, maki and mai have been shat on their whole life by the zenins, especially maki. toji went through the same shit if not worse. he wasn't always buff max version of himself, he wasn't born with anything. exactly because he gave up on all the things in his life he was able to reach that type of power and live with some purpose since he failed in everything else.

in the manga he has the option of coming back to life as long as he keeps killing sorcerers, which is his speciality, but he meets megumi, recognises him and kills himself in order to not hurt him. be fr. anciet sorcerers sold their booty holes to kenjaku to get a second chance at life.

ANYWAY. SADLY i can't post Toji memes since i reached my pic limits.

let me know what you think:) i may make a part 2. feel free to also ask for my opinions about anything in the verse, lol. if you wanna see my fics check my ao3, i promise i don't write in the same braindead way i type. <33

[greasy-night-rat]

Sure his persona is a flip'n deranged beef cake that smashes his own skull in, but what if that was just the kinda façade he fell into when joining the WVBA?

[Long flip'n head canon rant below cut lmao]

Honestly love the idea of a younger bull having a destructive teen phase. Just punching holes in walls, and needing an outlet for his anger issues.

At some point (age 17-20 maybe) he is suggested to try boxing, and meets Doc (ether as a coach or sparing partner idk). He picks up the rules and techniques of the sport quickly. Wins and losses here and there.

The structure of having a training schedule, developing passion for boxing, and Doc being there to listen to him about his struggles. It all helps him get a better grasp of his emotions and helps him understand himself better.

As for how he got the gimmick of Bald bull? The producers of WVBA and Bull's manager suggested it. WVBA gets people in seats by promising unbelievable performances that wouldn't necessarily be legal in any regular boxing ring. The more 'crazy' a boxer seems, the more people are gonna want to see the show live. Thus, a good business decision to sell more seats.

It for sure took some convincing, but Bull ended up agreeing to at least try the persona (especially since marketing had already been told to use the title for him). So he faked his anger and exaggerated his mannerisms to the fullest.

He winds up ending the fight in round one with, his now signature move, the Bull Charge (Essentially being improvised by his new title). The display spontaneously makes his popularity sky rocket more that the producers had anticipated.

He gets booked for matches more and more, having a high success rate thanks to his Bull charge. His manager makes sure his schedule isn't set up in a way that would cause burn out though. This leaves him a fair amount of time to consider how he feels about the sudden shift in his life.

It feel strange to be encouraged to act similarly to how he did when was a 'troubled teen', but the persona is showing to be very successful for him... Oh well.

So yeah, chill dude who pretends to be deranged because it sell tickets :3

[side note because I was just reminded of the fic writer's name on AO3! Detective Capan has greatly impacted how I interpret Bald Bull]

[shrimpsalot]

Oh gawd I dreamt of quite a weird AU(?) last night so yapping ahead!!

So for whatever reason instead of getting a full ss3, we just get random episodes here and there about their 11th-12th year? Randy and Howard's relationship r still ride or die but they managed to form a bigger friend circle with Theresa, Debbie, Julian, Bucky and Rachel and often have lunch together in a more darker gloomier version of the cafeteria (think it's just my irl school cafeteria that got projected into my dreams 😭 but for shits and giggles let's say Slimovitz ran out of budget to fix it completely after another monster attack). Unfortunately there was an assignment in class that put Howard and Debbie in the same group, idk about everyone else, and they have to research about stuff like Ninja's Japan origins, tactics, fighting techniques, types of weapons he used etc. Ofc no one knows it better than randy (and kinda howard) so when they were fighting about it during lunch, Randy just casually went "no actually because if you maneuver your body like that you wouldn't ensure a safe landing and might twist your ankle, also the chain sickle is used more as a defensive weapon such as blocking a sword, locking the opponent's weapon in place and potentially yanking it towards you, and did you know smoke bombs are crafted wit-" accidentally yapping about things Nomicon taught him until Howard cuts in to save his butt "see Debbie, even Cunningham's more knowledgeable about the ninja you sure you've been studying him properly for your reports?" which re-enabled their argument and divert the attention away from randy(which he's gonna thank Howard for later). A bit of time later an attack happen in town while they were working on the assignment in the cafeteria after school, Randy ofc had to leave but it'd be suspicious so he made an excuse maybe smth along the lines of they can learn more by watching the ninja fight and everyon agreed. Again he separated from them mid-walk to do some ninja-ing, which worried theresa that he's nowhere to be seen while Howard and Debbie is still fighting about their research. Howard couldn't take it anymore as well as lowkey bothered by Theresa so he called randy to prove that he's safe, AND to call for backup on his ninja knowledge. The phone call was the same vibe as ones in the show and while Howard was too engrossed on the convo, Ninja!Randy holding the phone answering while fighting got launched backwards to the front of the alleyway where the group was but randy didn't see them so he was unaware that they heard the phone convo. When he was finished and transformed back, he immediately ran into them after turning a corner and the first thing he said is "heeyyyy uh so I got a lil lost where were you guys? Ahaha" all for Debbie to respond with a shocked expression "YOU'RE the ninja?!?"

"what?? Nooooo I I am definitely not the Ninja psshh what makes you say that? I'm just a lil ol me Randy that's right there's no ninja here-", Theresa then explained they overheard his phone call and Randy gave in, only to be slightly offended to see Bucky looking defeated and handing Rachel $5. Cartoon scene cut and we see randy on his hands and knees in front of debbie(nothing too serious its like those comedy anime gags type of pose)

"What a sight. An 800 year old ninja vs the power of journalism." Bucky tries to lighten up the mood. Randy is begging Debbie not to write about this (for the second time) and she's having a hard time accepting (again) so she asked "what if I do write it? What would you do?" making randy look up at her with a serious face without saying anything, causing slight misunderstanding

"y-you're gonna erase me?!"

"what?? No ofc not I was just gonna mind wipe you!!!"

"mind wipe?"

"uh I mean-"

"what, by using that book that you sometimes drool on while being unconscious?"

"W-what book?-"

"is that like an 800 year old ancient ninja book of wisdom?"

"HOW ARE YOU STILL GOOD AT THIS???"

"wait 'still'?"

"CUNNINGHAM WILL YOU STOP TALKING SHE FEEDS ON YOUR ANSWERS" Howard shouted from the side

"do you mean you've mind wiped me before??"

"huh is it that time in 9th grade where you broadcasted to the whole town that he's the ninja which turned out to be false?" Rachel questioned

"I did what in 9th grade?????"

"... Debbie please" Randy pleaded

"Randy this is ridiculous" Debbie pinched her nose bridge "then why don't you just mind wipe us this time?"

"um..."

"because you can't or because the book will get mad at you?"

"enough with the mind wipe how did YOU know he was the ninja Rachel?" Howard saving randy once again

"well that time I got turned into a monster and the Ninja made me an apology song, it sounded awfully familiar to randy during music class so I just guessed, plus whenever we hang out and there's an emergency he's always the first one to disappear on us"

"and you gotta admit Randy's jokes are as bad as the ninja's " Bucky chimed in

The mood between them improved so debbie eventually agreed because they're friends for the past year or so, and that's when I started to wake up :') one more weird thing is the ninja in my dream didn't have a red scarf around his neck, it's more like black-blue color and idk maybe he looks cooler that way? At least it is in my dream

Thank u for reading I'll think about whether to make this into a real AU or not 😭😭 Edit: i just realized i dreamt of Julian but the entire time he was standing behind theresa, also worrying about randy but idk why he didnt do anything else :')

[riansdiary]

Hi! I'm new here and idk whether you answered this already but can you please give me some steps on how to manifest?

Hello darling! Sure! 😊

Okay but I just wanna let you know first that there are so many ways to manifest and you just have to find what works for you!

My best tip for beginners is to go with the basics! I'm gonna link some videos that I watched when I was starting with this but for you in the simplest way, manifesting is just thinking/assuming/deciding that you have your desire. I'll also include the way I manifest so you can try it for yourself!

Here's the videos I recommend!: 👑 👑 👑

For the way I manifest now:

1. I think of what I want. Let's use my crackers manifestation for this that I already manifested as an example.

I wanted this specific brand of crackers that I was craving.

2. I did the techniques that have always worked for me. I decided that I'm gonna get those exact brand of crackers. I also commanded my subconscious mind to get that for me. I just did that in my head and said, "Subconscious mind, I command you to get this brand of crackers that I'm craving and I want a whole pack of it. I affirmed to remind myself and kept deciding that I have it now every time I thought of it. "I have the crackers now. It's already done."

I was contemplating on adding the problem I had but this might help you so you wouldn't make this mistake I did. I basically wrote it in my manifestations list in my notes app and thought of it as a process because of that. I was finding it in the 3d. ⚠️ Which we shouldn't be doing because we're focusing on the old story, on the 3d which is really just an old moving newspaper like the one in Harry Potter. It's reflecting our thoughts and assumptions so why focus on that when technically whatever we say is true in the 4d already and then if we persist, the 3d then reflects and follows the 4d. The 4d is our mind. Manifestations happen instantly in the 4d. I was finding it in the 3d especially when my siblings came home from the supermarket. But I already have the crackers because I said so so why am I reacting to the old story?

3. This is just as important as step 2. Do not pay attention to anything you don't want in the 3d because it will stick in your reality so why not focus on the fact that you already have it? Just keep persisting that you have it and remind yourself when you think of that desire.

4. Relax in the knowing that you have it and it's done. Do what makes you happy because that will distract you from finding it in the 3d. Leave the 3d alone. It's not our job to change it. We only decide we have it and we do. Watch movies, play games or hang out with friends. Do your hobbies. Just go and do what you think will make you happy. It's what the version of you who has all their desires would be doing. What would happen when we have our desires? We'll be happy, won't we? Why not feel that now naturally? It'll make you feel good and stop you from worrying about your manifestation. You could say "I have it, it's already done" every time you think about your desires and force yourself to think of something else. It's called the distraction technique. It stops you from thinking negative thoughts about your desires.

I love what @remcycl333 said in her post that I linked with the word distract:

"i have found that it’s not about letting it go, it’s about leaving it alone. i planted my seed, i watered it, now i just need to relax and wait for it to grow. i can’t keep digging it up and checking on it and then complain that it hasn’t sprouted yet. it’s mine, it’s always been mine, but if i focus on the lack all of the time, all i’m gonna see is lack reflected back to me in my 3d."

Here's a link to her amazing distraction technique: 💖

Okay, to continue the story, I realized I was thinking of it as a process and not that I have it now so what I did was say this in my mind. "I have the crackers, it's in the pantry" I assumed or thought that it's already here in my reality and you know what I did after? I just lied down and watched a Disney movie to relax because it's now here and it's already done. I just relaxed because I have it now. I had a lot of fun watching something from my childhood instead of getting anxious or worrying about that manifestation. I highly recommend this way. And guess what happened a few hours later? Yup, my dad and brother came home from where they went to and they bought the exact pack of crackers I wanted and another brand that I really liked!

That's it and I hope this helps you! 💖

[youphoriaot7]

I nearly nothing about tma but the it seems cool for the little I've seen in arts

But I would love to know your thoughts about the Favela Six

oh hell yes, this is my forte *cracks knuckles* get ready, because these are my streamers and i am so ready for this you have no idea the floodgate you've just opened /j

cellbit is the web and i'm so sorry but no one can change my mind on this. the way he works with and against the federation, the way he uses information? a lot of his techniques are super eye-coded, but the way he reacts to events and the way events happen to him is so much more web than eye. fear of being controlled? you can't tell me that his absolute devastation when he handed his evidence over to the federation wasn't partially due to the fact that he was beginning to realize just what it is the federation do. how they do it. why they do it, even. their manipulation.

now, tazercraft are so interesting. because mike is 100% the desolation (man's is generally portrayed as a creeper-hybrid for a reason). fire, explosions, aggressive personality, destruction, pain, a shorter temper than pac—he fits it to a t. but pac is the vast, and yes, you're damn right that i'm basing a lot of this off of all of this poor cubito's trauma with water. but his huge self-worth issues also play into it! because insignificance plays a big part in the vast. :D (i could see an argument for the lonely, but i'd argue that due to his relationship with mike it wouldn't work—at least, not without mike also being lonely-touched [which uh. also makes sense.].)

felps is the spiral. this is practically self-explanatory; i mean, have you seen that square? that thing is a yellow door just waiting to be opened. he talks in circles. he says the most random things. felps is felps. (i could also see an argument for the stranger, but i don't necessarily agree with it—there are better stranger candidates on the server.)

bagi is tricky since she's still fairly new…but i would say the hunt is a pretty good pick for her. she hasn't been as, well, uh, traumatized as cellbit/the others (i just said cellbo because investigator things), so she's still sharp. she doesn't let much get away from her. she's got a sharp eye, a sharp nose, and an iron grip. leave her a clue, she'll solve the puzzle.

forever was fucking hard, dude. i'm settling with the extinction, even though i know not everyone "accepts" that one as a fear. [valid.] i don't know why. just something about the idea of "the fear of catastrophic change, the extinction of humanity and its replacement by something else, especially by humanity's own doing" just feels so...i dunno. vibey for forever. also the fact that he uses so much securitycraft, and the extinction really enjoys technology. idk. i'm not afraid to admit i struggled with forever. skjgfks

thank you for asking!! >.> :D hope i was entertaining >:3

[kart0]

I found a hack to start eating again !!! Me fanboying over food ?

Ok I'm super super excited about this. This is daniyuu lore guys it's very serious: there was a time when I seriously considered studying gastronomy and pursuing this career. I didn't want to have a restaurant or be a chef, I really really just wanted to learn more techniques and improve my abilities. But then I thought "hell no id rather DIE than make this my life. I love cooking and baking and this is my fucking hobbyyyyy !!!!" And then I chose arts lol

As my previous update, and some other posts, I mentioned having an eating disorder ! And I think I've rationalized enough to overcome it ? Like bro I honestly feel like a superhero rn no joke. Disclaimer: this is what works FOR ME. I'm not saying this will work for everyone who's struggling with an ED. This is MY own experience !

Ok so I have trouble with consistent eating, and trying new things. ARFID: avoidant restrictive food intake disorder.

My current safe food is basically: cauliflower, neoguri/shin ramyun, and monster energy drinks. And popcorn.

I know, I KNOW, those aren't super healthy or...nutritious, BUT IN MY DEFENSE: eating anything is better than not eating at all !

Anyways, after being kinda sad that I miss food, and miss feeling happy when eating, and miss cooking, I've finally come to terms that: I can guarantee I will eat, if I cook my meal. Sounds very basic because it is ! If I am the one cooking, I'm the one who has control over EVERYTHING. I can choose my seasonings, my ingredients, my own method. I know what's in there, I know what I will be having, and I will be having fun ! I will associate food with my happiness because I will be happy cuz I love cooking !

I really really miss cooking and since I'm on my uni break my mom and sister have been asking me to cook more meals, and I've been doing that. And enjoying so much !

I feel so happy when all my family praise my food. I really really do think, hmmm, I did a great job.

And I'm not gonna lie, I'm a very good cook lol

Last year I was responsible for picking and making our Christmas AND New Years menu. I carefully planned three meals a day for a week, and administrated my family to help me out. like a real chef would do ! By the way, my family members have a lot of restrictions: sister mom and aunt: lactose intolerant; dad, other aunt: can't have too much salt; mom and aunt: gluten free; me: literally the pickiest eater ever !

And every time, literally no joke, I would ask how did they enjoy my meal ( I mostly did all the cooking while they would prep the ingredients ) and they would ALWAYS say it was awesome and good and most importantly, tasty. I felt this rush of emotions and I'd always think hm, this was worth it. I'd be tired my legs would be sore but my tummy would be full and I'd be happy. It was worth it.

Then I got very bad and totally stopped eating, I wanted to lose weight and I did, I lost a LOT of weight but I also felt so bad and I literally was very close to passing out all the time.

I cut off some foods specially meats, idk they just.. started grossing me out. I always hated pork so that was never an issue ( no I don't like bacon ) , and I was already a picky eater and would only eat some type of meats and cuts ( I hate hate hate cartilages, skins, fat lol ) but then I just. Stopped eating red meat, and then I got even more restricted from eating chicken ( chicken breast is the safest cut and meat for me ) and I'm not the biggest fan of seafood.

Anyways, I had to take blood samples and well I now have iron deficiency 🥴

Got sidetracked I'm sorry but I really really like talking about this ? Since it's like...my hobby I guess. Ok so I stopped cooking cuz it was too much work and effort and I wouldn't even eat it in the end. So I just, stopped.

My birthday is coming up tho, and my sister wanted us to go to this restaurant that I've been wanting to go for AGES !!!!! ( More daniyuu lore: I love cooking shows specially Masterchef ) And there's this restaurant from a Masterchef winner and I wanted to try her food for sooooo long. But when my sister told me this I actually got very, very sad. I thought, it'd be a waste of money and time. I won't eat anything. Not only do I rarely eat, but when I do, I tend to eat very small portions. And I thought DANG IT this would be SUCH a waste of opportunity.

And then, my secret weapon: actually, two secret weapons: my THINKING, and my STUBBORNESS.

Thinking, I could come to this solution. And stubborness, cuz I will follow through and this will work.

Came to the conclusion that the only way to start eating again, is by making meals I'm proud of, and excited to try. Yes !

I've been saving some videos of different foods to try to make and I've been sooooo excited !

Only problem is that I fucked up both of my arms cuz of the last post ( sakuatsu baseball ) ( I locked in too hard and drew for 8 hours straight.... ) ( don't do that )

And now I'm in so much pain I'm trying to not do anything and just rest ( not working cuz my family keeps asking me to do chores and stuff that needs a lot of arm strength . I got pissed off cuz they seem to worry but in fact don'tgaf - so this hasnt been working ugh ). Even writing this post makes me feel like there are electrical wires on my hands wrists elbow and shoulders. I shouldn't be but I'm so excited and I need to post this before I forget. I can't lose momentum ? Idk

I'm very excited too ! I've always been curious about vegan food and vegetarian options, which is kind of funny since I'm not a big fan of many, MANY, vegetables.. but seeing them being prepared in ways I've never tried before actually make me feel so happy and curious ! Maybe I will like them then ! I just need to find a way to make them to my taste. Isn't this so exciting ? The magic of genuine curiosity and passion is literally flowing through my veins. I'm so, so happy I found my love for cooking again !!!!!! I can't wait to be fully healed and better and cook these awesome meals.

( by the way I used to joke to my sister that I'd be a vegan vegetarian super Nature vibes when I'd turn 30 - I was like, 11 at the time )

I'm so, so excited. Also, important note: my mom doesn't really season food... Since my dad can't have too much salt, and she can't either ( she takes blood pressure pills ? ) she will put a PINCH of salt. And that's it.

It was kind of sad....

Anyways, I found out I really really like caeser salad and some veggies if they're actually seasoned lol

Ahhhhh I'm so happy ! I feel like I'm actually gonna get better ! I'm planning to make a wonton soup cuz it looks sooooo gooooood ! ( Yes it is pork. No I won't eat the pork. I hope I won't find pork on the market... And then I can search for ground chicken meat. Heh. Probably won't find ground chicken tho. ) I've never had wonton soup so I won't be sure if it's like, good, and the real deal cuz I won't have any data to compare but ! A boy can only dream

And then, I want to try and make more salads ( I love salads ) and also ! I want to make my own pickles ! We don't have a lot of varieties here, it's always the same two or three brands. And the pickles are never crunchy which makes me so sad. They're also very mild and have barely no flavour. WHERE'S THE PASSION.

Also I want to try and make a filet-o-fish from McDonald's. I really like those but they were discontinued, plus, I'm boycotting McDonald's ( and a lot of other brands as well ) and honestly, McDonald's is super expensive here anyways.

And my food is better 🤭🤭

Its funny cuz I'm a very insecure person, but when it comes to cooking, bro I am very proud of myself and my skills. I do in fact cook and I'm...the best cook in my family 😬

It makes me happy that you can see ( and I can see too ) how happy this make me. I really enjoy cooking. I'm really excited to cook again. And I'm very, very ecstatic to eat. Wow !

I'm very proud of myself.

[sunskate]

RD -

Olivia and Tim skated in an early group and looked good - they look more comfortable in the RD than the FD - their highest base value this season with all level 3 steps. good for him ☺️ Kaitlin and Jean-Luc, KMT and Trennt in his Leafs jersey came to watch them - stayed for a bit but were mostly on their phones except for O/T

Luca Lanotte tried to loud clap to get the audience going for his team - i really wish coaches wouldn't do that - let the skating speak for itself. it feels like a lack of confidence in them or the coach inserting themselves into the situation. clapping for an element done well is one thing, but clapping into the silence is distracting more than anything

Koko have improved- they're skating bigger, too. you sometimes hear people say teams don't improve past a certain point, but it's not true. i never noticed their Ghostbusters costumes are distressed with green goo lol

36 teams, and only one with a deduction - 24 teams with all positive GOE. they work so hard and so many did really well. Bratti/Somerville were looking good and then 😢 slowed down it looks like he might have hit the back of her boot and then toe picked? i felt so bad for them. interesting that the judges from Spain and Slovakia gave them PCS like the fall didn't happen, while Poland gave them 6.75 in SS and along with a few other judges dropped them hard

i loved seeing the Czech teams live - they are very fast, the Taschlers especially cover ice, and i'd love to know how their technique is different from what IAM/O do. the Taschlers 💔 - it looks like she has a split second to look down and put her blade on his boot, and somehow she didn't get a foothold and slipped. maybe it was safer for it not to go up than for her to fall off mid-lift, but 😭

Hannah and Ye were great- they've grown a lot since August. they got their levels - only Piper/Paul, Olivia/Tim and CPom had higher BV - they tied with R/A and the Ukrainian team, Holubtsova/Bielebrov - i would have had them above the Mrazeks. hopefully their GOE and PCS will start to rise after this competition, because they were impressive-- first year seniors and 14th!

R/A's guns n roses live is high energy, big - kept seeing her sister around and having to look twice if it was Allison

CPom - they did SO well - i had been thinking this whole time her new dress is green - i think the yellow notes in the beige material made me see green instead of blue - i did wonder at one point why the accent color on Anthony's didn't match - it's probably just me who didn't put this together lol their skating just feels substantial, and they have beautiful unison and unity as a team

and LaLa are so rhythmic and sharp in this program - they can flow and hit the accents at the same time, which not many teams do. they're hearing the tempo. they can skate so specifically to the beat. you can see the music in their movement, which is the best - i love them so much. i think it's partly that, plus the flow and someone mentioned their speed of rotation that makes them look so fast on a screen. live, they are fast, but not quite as much as it looks on a stream

Madi Chock uses her arms and hands very very skillfully and beautifully. i still get taken out sometimes by how her speed increases and edges are deeper when he's pulling or pushing her vs when she's moving on her own. but they have great timing with each other. was it 90+? idk 😬

G/F i could rave about their skating skills some more lol

after hearing Carol Lane talk about how she intentionally choreographs "hits" - unusual movements or accents that are supposed to grab the audience - in this case those little hops G/P do - into the programs, it started to feel slightly contrived and the vertical motions a way to distract from how Piper's carriage isn't the best. i still like it, even the belly flops, but maybe a little less than i did?

5 hours of ice dance ❤️

[nordic-language-love]

Hi!! So sorry for barging into your ask box like this, but I’ve been following your blog for a while now and I was wondering if you had any tips specifically for people about to sit a Norwegian exam? I’ll be taking Norskprøven C1 next month and I am honestly crapping my pants rn. I don’t know how I’m supposed to practice since there seems to be so few resources online, and the test is so expensive I can’t bear the thought of having to take it again… I’m seriously considering signing up for the regular Norskprøven in addition to C1 just in case I happen to actually be at A2 or something💀💀

Hi there! Omg never apologise for coming into my ask box with questions about Norwegian 😅 As for tips: I don't know too much about Norskprøven C1 as I've not taken it and it's very new, so there's limited resources about it (as you've obviously discovered). But it seems to me that some of the sections are similar to the Bergenstest (lmk if you want the past papers), so here are some things I found helpful/things my tutors advised me to do (it's long, so I'm sorry about that):

PREPARING FOR THE EXAM

1) First things first, make sure you're familiar with the marking scheme (which can be found here under retningslinjer og veiledninger - vurdering). This is exam technique 101 - make sure you know what they're looking for. It doesn't matter how good you are; if you don't give the examiners what they want or expect, you will lose marks that you don't need to lose.

2) Listen to things all the time, every day. Radio, podcasts, TV shows, the news. And parrot things. Parrot common phrases, parrot phrases you like and think will be useful, parrot new words, parrot intonation and stress patterns. This is gonna improve your speaking like you will not believe - that muscle memory is gonna be so key to sounding fluent.

3) Make flashcard decks (I use the free rip-off version of the Anki app) for different topics and write new and useful words down along with sample sentences. Please learn from my mistake and don't just throw the words on their own into a flashcard deck because you'll end up with words that you can kinda recognise but can't actually use yourself. Write down the full sentence.

3a) I say new and useful words and not just new words because words you think you know may not actually be in your active vocabulary and will elude you when you actually need to use them. So be sure to practise them.

4) If you have the means: talk to as many different people as possible about a variety of common topics (the housing market, immigration, personal economy, the education system, friluftsliv, healthy lifestyles, public transport etc). Discuss and debate things. If you're asked to give an opinion and defend it, it's a hell of a lot easier if you have some kind of opinions to start with (no joke 90% of the time when I was doing practice essays/speaking I would be like "wow I literally do not have an opinion on this topic and wouldn't know how to express it if I did". So I listened to podcasts and read articles and just borrowed other people's opinions).

5) Read every day. If you don't already, I highly recommend forskning.no for articles (or even better, their sister site forskersonen.no - that's where you'll find opinions and debates) because the C1 test is basically academic-level. Practise skim-reading, practise reading thoroughly without looking up vocabulary, and then make sure you look up vocabulary you think will be useful.

6) Write essays. Write them timed without a dictionary and make a note of the words you wanted to use but didn't know. Look up those words. Find sample sentences with those words. Write them out. (Also idk if Norskprøven is on a computer or handwritten but if it's handwritten please make sure you do your practice essays by hand).

Not sure what to write about? Find anything on forskersonen.no with 'debatt' written across it or watch Debatten for inspiration (I can also send you a list with a tonne of essay ideas or Bergenstest past papers if you want. Obviously it's a different exam, but the writing section sounds basically the same) and make your own yes/no essay question to answer based on that.

6a) In regards to essay structure, this is the structure I saw on a Bergenstest C1 example and one that my tutor recommended to me:

Paragraph one: introduce the topic. Do not include your opinion here; simply state facts (when I say facts, I don't mean statistics! Wishy-washy statements like "many people think" and "it's often reported that" are fine. No one expects you to be able to pull exact numbers out of your ass).

Paragraphs two+: start by introducing your opinion, then go on to explain why you think that. Include as many paragraphs as you like, but remember your essay has to be 300-400 words. It's a good idea to include counter-arguments to your own opinion and then explain why you don't think they're valid. Use your own discretion when dividing things up into paragraphs: are you gonna have one paragraph for each point, which will include counter-arguments regarding that point? Or are you gonna put counter-arguments and your counter-counter-arguments in a separate paragraph?

Final paragraph: conclusion. Sum up what you've said in a nice concise way.

You can also use paragraphs 2+ to discuss advantages and disadvantages and then conclude with your opinion in the final paragraph, HOWEVER, it very specifically asks you to give your opinion and DEFEND IT, which is why I suggest you do it the way I've outlined above.

7) After you've written your essays, give it a day and then go back and correct your mistakes. It won't be long before you become very conscious of the dumb grammatical mistakes you make and stop making them (or at least know what to watch out for when proofreading during the exam). If you have friends willing to help you, ask them to read it and see what they think.

8) Personally, I found the interview report (looks like there's a similar section on Norskprøven C1, although it's a conversation rather than an interview) to be the most difficult part. You can practise by listening to podcasts and taking notes (not for the whole thing, but just the first 5-10 minutes or so). Remember you don't have to write every part of the conversation; just the main points (obviously it's good to get as much information as possible, but don't panic if you miss some details)

9) Practise your strategies! For the reading section: are you gonna take notes and make your summary as you go along? Are you gonna read the whole text first thoroughly and then make notes? For the listening section: are you just gonna listen the first time round and only make notes the second time, or are you gonna take notes the first time and check/add to them the second time? Try things out and see what works for you.

10) This sounds really dumb but practice relaxing and refocusing. You don't want to end up panicking in the exam, because our memory is garbage when we panic. When you start to get panicky, try saying shit to yourself like "that kind of thinking is not helpful. Let's focus on what I can do right now". Come across a word you don't know? "Let's move on for now; the context might help me work it out later." Didn't catch what the speaker was saying? "I don't need to write every detail; just listen to everything else and write what I can." No idea what to write in your essay? "They're marking my language, not my opinions. It's not important if my opinion is garbage as long as I can defend it." And of course the very general ones: "I've got this. I've practised this. I don't have to know every single word. I'm capable of working around what I don't know. It's understandable and normal that I'm nervous; it doesn't mean I can't do it. I am in control."

ON THE DAY OF THE EXAM:

1) Please, for the love of God, remember to take water and snacks with you. I forgot water and felt like I was about to die by the end of the day.

2) Remember that the examiners want to see what you CAN do, not what you can't. Don't panic if you forget words (I forgot some really fucking basic ones in my speaking exam, like å organisere / å integrere) and still got C1 because I just rephrased what I wanted to say and said something else. People do that all the time even when they're native speakers. Just use your filler words.

3) For the writing section: plan your essay first. I recommend writing columns tilted AGREE and DISAGREE and just getting as many ideas as you can down, then work out how to put them into the structure I talked about above. And remember: a shorter, more concise essay with appropriate vocabulary is better than a lengthy essay with fancy words used inappropriately. Yes, you need to showcase a good range of grammatical structures and vocabulary, but that vocabulary should absolutely be used in the right context.

4) USE EVERY SINGLE MINUTE YOU HAVE TO CHECK AND DOUBLE CHECK YOUR WORK. DO NOT LEAVE THE EXAM EARLY. I "finished" the exam about 45 minutes before the time was up. I spent that time checking, double-checking and triple-checking. And then ONE MINUTE before we had to hand our papers in, I saw I'd made a mistake. It could well have been the difference between B2 and C1. So no matter how early you finish, no matter how done you think you are, keep checking things. You never know when that "oh FUCK that is NOT the word I meant to use at all!" moment is going to happen, and if it happens 5 minutes before the exam time is up, you're gonna still want to be in that exam room where you can do something about it.

5) Trust your gut. At this level you should've had enough exposure to the language to just kinda know some things instinctively, even if you've not learned it formally and you're not 100% sure (prepositions, I'm looking at you).

Okay, I think that's all I've got for now. I know it's long, but I hope some of it was useful to you! Best of luck - please let me know how it goes :)

[gojou-violin]

IM HERE TO DELIVER!! Idk if you wanted thirsty thots but what characters do you think eat the kitty all nice and sloppy? 👀

OK OK PLEASE SEND ME THIRST-- I'm prob one of the horniest ppl on this godforsaken app, and that's saying something....

anyhow. here's what i got out of the characters on my list:

| eren - he hooks his arms around your thighs while he's laying on his stomach between your legs, just going for it. if you pull on his hair or kick him away, that's not going to deter him. he's got a goal in mind: to make you cum on his tongue as many times as possible

| hange - ......do i need to say anything

| zeke - mans has a large tongue that can do THINGS and no one can tell me differently

| denji - bro. the second this guy learned how vaginas work, he started putting in the time and effort into researching everything he could. seeing someone shake as they cum because of him is his absolute favorite thing, so he sits there on his knees in front of you as you're sitting on a chair or on the couch, and he's putting all his knowledge of how to make ppl cum into simply having you scream his name-- bonus points if he makes you squirt. he'll brag about it to aki later.

| zanka - i have so many headcanons of this guy just lazily hiding under the covers, eating you out while engine is just sitting there talking about work. he likes teasing his fingers at your entrance, too.

| bokuto - if this man doesn't make you cum on his tongue in 5 minutes or less, he'll start pouting until you push him back down and tell him how to do it-- and once he makes you cum, mans ego is boosted for the next 5-6 business days.

| kenma - my sweet kitten boy <3 <3 <3 he knows how to make you feel good-- anything for you! he'll look up at you through his lashes just to make sure he's doing it right, and then he'll smile against your clit when he sees you throwing your head back and praising him a thousand times over.

| yamaguchi - he's so quiet, no one would ever expect him to know how to eat pussy, but mans has been prepping his entire life for this moment. sure, he needs a little help here and there, but after some practice, he's a GOD at it.

| gojou - he'd be silly about it, nipping and edging you just for his own entertainment. but the things he can do with his tongue-- OH BOYYYYYY

| sukuna - .........guys............ i don't have to explain myself here, right?

| toji - this guy's a manwhore. you're gonna look me in the eye and tell me he wouldn't wrap his arms under your knees then keep his palms pressed on your stomach to keep you still while he forces orgasm after orgasm out of you? you're gonna lie to yourself and me? really?

| yuutah - i think he'd be really sweet about it. "am-i doin' it right?" meanwhile he's got your legs shaking and your throat sore from screaming :)

| hawks - he's going to make you ride his face. he's going to. like, his favorite thing in the world is having you grabbing onto the headboard, panting breathlessly, riding his face desperately while you warn him, "i'm gonna cum, fuck, i'm gonna cum--"

| ineka (oc) - GUYS IM NEVER GONNA SHUT UP ABOUT INEKA OK LEAVE ME ALONE-- LET ME RANT ABOUT HIM 24/7-- HES A PANSEXUAL MANWHORE THAT'S WILDLY IN LOVE WITH TOGE OK LEAVE ME ALONE (anyhow, mans would def use his technique to figure out how to cum, and then would just do it to catch you off guard. and he'd smirk when you're cumming. and he'd laugh when you try to squirm away from him--......... i need holy water)

[jinkoh]

HELLO MY FAV WRITER ON TUMBLR

Okay so recently I've been rewatching ATLA on Netflix and then I had to think about which element the ptg members would bend and I have no one to discuss this with djsjdj so if you have thoughts on that please feel free to drop them omg

Have a good day 🤍

omggg this is so fun tysm for sharing this with me (yes, i still obsess over ATLA in the year of our lord 2023 but it's just sO GOOD)

ANYWAY bc i always discuss everything with my bestie this too has been thoroughly discussed with her so i'll include both my and some of her takes under the cut~

Hui

for hui I was thinking either fire or water--fire because of the warmth and light it can be connotated with; lighting up a candle or the fireplace, warming up a cup of tea, literally bringing light into the darkness. water because I can picture him focusing on healing since he is someone who is very keen on helping and supporting others.

Jinho

i said fire for him too and then my friend said she could see him focusing on lightning and i felt that was so fitting! since it is a bending technique that required a lot of precision and skill it just felt like such a good match. he'd take bending very seriously and work really hard to hone his skills. wouldn't really use his bending skills much for goofing around or mundane things.

Hongseok

my bestie said earth and i also thought of earth too but somehow he is just very water bender shaped to me--maybe because i associate him with the color blue

Shinwon

fire--once again it may be due to color schemes (shinwon is v much orange to me) but i can also just see it well--him playing around with the flames or using bending for his daily life, idk heating up ramen or warming up his cold feet

Changgu

my friend said earth and i can see that very much! my take was sand bending which is like hybrid earth bending so p much the same direction. I just thought it was fitting since it's a little bit more light footed

Yanan

maybe all the memes of him burning down cube have gotten to me bc i could rlly rlly see fire. air would be fitting too though imo bestie said water bending and perhaps even stuff like blood bending too fhdshfkjdhs

Yuto

i had initially planned to stick to the main 4 elements but yuto just immediately screamed metal bending to me, i couldn't settle for anything else my bestie said water which would have also been my first choice among the classic 4 elements

Hyunggu

my first instinct was fire or air and then my friend said how he'd probably constantly play around with those air balls the way aang did and idk just a lot of bouncing around and puffing himself up and. that's just so hyunggu. he's definitely an air bender.

Wooseok

once again here with hybrid bending bc my take is mud bending fhsdhfkjs though bestie said water/ice and i could see that too

also because we talked abt this topic sm we obvsly also discussed who'd have avatar potential and pls don't call me biased but i'm so stuck on avatar shinwon now. like? he just accidentally stumbles into it all but ppl seem to rely on him so ofc he doesn't back out or run away and goes through with it bc he just is like that and then perhaps the other members are there to teach him bending and support him and he'd probably grow really attached to them. at first he went along with being the avatar because he wanted to help/didn't want to disappoint anyone but as time passes he just wants to be with them and make them proud by getting better but also support and help them too (imagine him wanting to learn healing from hui but he's having a hard time with it so hui would ask why he wants to learn it in the first place and sw would be like "so someone can heal you too when you're hurt") ...yeah maybe i am too emotional about shinwon and why he wanted to be in ptg haha

anyway these are my and my besties thoughts on pentagon ATLA AU thank you for the ask<3

Masterlist

[dredshirtroberts]

Alright, debrief time

(pretend i was able to find a fittingly funny gif of someone removing their trousers quickly and/or explosively)

honestly there should be *way* more easily findable gifs of this, but my search-fu technique is not doing me any favors this mor...today.

(it's not morning anymore, bummer. it felt like it'd been morning for hours, figured it might stick around longer. alas)

so. This weekend was busy - i mean yesterday was the necessary "everyone recover your spoons and refill your social batteries because we drained them completely" day, but idk if it was enough tbh lol.

Friday was exactly as expected with no concerns during the outing or subsequent hangout. Like i was tired and very much had absolutely Done An Outing but I was doing pretty good all things considered, both immediately after hangouts were done and also the next morning. I was tired, but like. The expected amount of tired and I felt very optimistic about the day. I didn't even really feel like i needed medicine and considering I've felt like I needed to take medicine in the morning every single day this past week, pretty impressive tbh imb.

And Saturday was already going to be the tricky day - i went into this weekend knowing what i was up against, and with the understanding that I was going to probably accidentally do some damage to myself but it's *on purpose*. It has a *point* and I think that makes it different to the rest of the times i've done this to myself.

So even though I absolutely should have and knew that going in, I did not take any medicine because that was the point.

For as long as any of us can remember, going all the way back into rather early childhood, my legs just always get exhausted really fast. I'd get in trouble for sitting down in P.E., my parents fussed at me about it when I was little, and I was told that I didn't actually feel that tired, and that I just needed to push harder because clearly if I was that tired so quickly then my muscles needed to do more work to become stronger. If I just worked them out, they would be stronger and wouldn't get tired so easily. It was on this metric that i ran in 4 half-marathon races with fairly decent time. Just keep pushing, you're tired because you're not in shape enough, just keep going. It doesn't matter that you run at least 3x a week, for longer and longer distances, it doesn't matter that you're going uphill for at least half of that time, it doesn't matter if you're eating a limited diet because the household is once more trying a lo-carb, or similar, crash diet we'll forget about as soon as we take a "vacation" or even just by the weekend, but god forbid I eat anything more than the Allotted Portion Allowed By The Parents before they start saying shit about how I need to eat less or save some for later, or save some for the rest of the family. If I just lost weight, if I was just *stronger* then I wouldn't complain so much and my legs would feel less tired.

In a move that will only ever continue to shock my parents, it did not work. About 15-30 minutes into any outing on a good day, my legs will start to ache like I've been, well, training for a marathon. Which I can accurately describe because i've fuckin done that.

But I've stopped taking note of it because i was told *so young* to just ignore it. It wasn't real, or it was real but everyone else just dealt with it better, or whatever. And by the way, i also was never allowed to sit and rest when it happened while I was a child - the stroller was something I didn't really have access to as good once my sister was born, and that was at around 3 years old. I may have gotten like A Year with access to it still, while she was still papoose-able, but once we needed it for her I was expected to suddenly be able to carry my own weight wherever we went.

My parents really like theme parks, family trail hikes, and going to festivals where you wander around and there's very little seating. I got used to ignoring it and pushing past really fast, but it meant that I just...really did not like going out very much. Our family trips were always kind of through a filter of "I'm not really enjoying myself as much as I thought I would and I have no idea why I'm so grumpy all of the time". it got passed off as teenage angst and my bad attitude, because i couldn't complain because i didn't know what was wrong.

plus it wasn't like complaining would have done me any good. I would get yelled at for voicing a concern or need, and then when I would have a Health Complication that made my parents look bad, I'd get yelled at for not saying something sooner. So I just stopped sharing and would handle my health issues quietly and to myself. I think my parents just assumed I grew out of or stopped experiencing several relatively frequent health issues I kept having because I stopped telling them about it and did my very best to hide what was happening when I was in pain or sick, until I absolutely couldn't. I knew my bad health would be a burden on them, so if I said something and they looked at me with "concern" (read: what appeared to be actual irritation in their alarm), I'd backtrack which I think led to both my being seen as a hypochondriac and a liar.

So this weekend was to see exactly how long it takes me to reach the point of "My legs are tired" and then when I hit the wall of "I can't do this anymore without a break". My partner took me thrift store shopping which was super fun and rewarding, but it really did put into perspective how much I've been hurting myself.

Within the time it took us to walk from the car across the parking lot (not even to the door necessarily yet), I felt the familiar burning ache of overworked muscles and I was like "Alright. Well. Here we go."

I don't know how long we were in the first part of the store, before we walked down to the other, bigger part. I had 2 flannel shirts and was looking at the pants and already my arm was aching. Once I picked 5 total things, we'd moved on from the clothes so I could see what else they had. Traveling through the rest of the store, my arm slowly got more and more tired.

I got separated from my partner in the store (was fine, even with my issue at feeling Lost in Stores) and realized I was starting to crash really fast - I was going to need the medicine I'd brought ASAP, but my drink was in the car, and I had to pay for my things and I didn't know where my partner was.

I found them, we grabbed like 2 more things, they helped carry the heaviest stuff, and we paid and left. Once in the car, knowing it was safe to feel the pain, knowing it was safe to not have to keep pushing and make myself keep going, I realized I couldn't do it.

The day-long shopping marathons the women in my family do, the parties, the festivals, the hikes and the amusement parks, I physically cannot do them. And I don't know how long it's been like this because I wasn't allowed to pay attention to that.

Don't get me wrong, I love all of those things, but I cannot do them under my own power and I haven't been able to in ages.

I always figured if everyone had the option of sitting down and wheeling along rather than having to use their own two legs, they'd take it. In fact, I assumed most folks would just casually dream of not having to stand up ever again, of not having to walk across vast distances from the house to the mailbox, of just not having to...not having to hurt? I figured most folks' legs hurt all the time just like mine and I figured everyone else was just better at dealing with it.

Even bringing out my cane and the medicine didn't really *help* all that much. We rested for a while, but I still really wanted to go to our friends' cookout later that evening, despite my partner now being too worn out for it. I was super prepped to go it alone (had already gotten confirmation and assurance that it was allowed and possible for me to rest while i was there), but I was glad that Meta Prime was also good to go hang out because it is easier with a buddy.

I think adrenaline has been doing a lot of heavy lifting for my body (no pun intended?) because the adrenaline of going to be around friends (plus also the medicine, and the use of my cane and probably also the ability to sit) helped reduce the amount of pain and stiffness I normally would have been in at that point, even by the time we got home. (that or someone was working overtime to push to the front and make it so we couldn't feel it yet - it's a thing i try not to think about it too hard it makes things confusing and complicated).

but even with yesterday spent in bed and high af most of the day, i'm still sore, still tired, still achy. And I just used to live like this. Like no fucking wonder I was useless after work all the time.

I think this has confirmed for me, however, that it might be something to absolutely look into to get a wheelchair. This of course does require that I get my ass in to see a doctor sooner rather than later (yes i know i haven't done it yet i am...struggling with the concept), and figure out how to get them to write me an Rx for one but like. Baby steps. I at least...can confirm that apparently most folks don't spend about half their waking time wishing they were more physically disabled so that it would be seen as reasonable to let them sit and be in a wheelchair and in fact that might be a symptom of being more physically disabled and perhaps sometimes needing a wheelchair.

but yeah i'm just...processing.

i've already taken medicine. It hasn't really done much, considering we're in the Peak Time it should be working, which probably illustrates exactly how bad I feel. I'm going to go back to resting and hope i feel better soon lol

[synesindri]

hey sin, do u have any tips on getting tattoos? i've never gotten one mainly because they seem really expensive and I don't know how much I want will cost, but also about pain and care and stuff. i'm sure you're not an expert or anything, but I was planning on trying to get a sw/dw tattoo across my wrists at some point (one on each wrist, maybe tied together with a red string of fate lol). thoughts?

ooo yes!! so, i only have two tattoos so it is true that i am definitely not an expert, but from what i have seen looking around/talking to tattoo artists/people who have more tattoos than i do, it seems like a lot of quality tattoo artists will charge somewhere around $200 per hour that you're in the chair + tip (depending on where you live). lettering doesn't take very much time; one of my two is a 7-letter word on my forearm and that took like...i want to say 20 minutes? i don't remember exactly how much i paid for that but it was definitely under $100. probably sw/dw + string wouldn't take much more time than that, and might cost less depending on time/artist. if you have an artist you're interested in, you can def hit them up for a quote as well — what you're suggesting seems probably very easy for them to come up with an estimate for.

(i will say that with lettering it's super important to get someone who can do very tidy line work and to take their recommendations about how large the letters need to be, or else they will become illegible over time as your skin cells shift and stuff)

pain depends on placement and pain tolerance and how much the artist has to go over the same skin repeatedly — there are some useful charts that give estimations of how much different placements hurt around online; idk how accurate they are but i like them haha. small lettering will probably be one pass, so you won't get the pain of like, big lines, then small lines, then coloring/shading or whatever, which will help a lot with that. mine are both in pretty low-pain zones, but i would compare the quality of pain to being scratched by a cat (although i think it hurt somewhat less than that? that's just the type of pain it is imo)

care is not bad i think! especially in placements that don't get a ton of friction (probably hip or ankle or whatever is a lot harder, because of underwear bands and socks and shoes and such rubbing against it? idk). your artist should give you recommendations for taking care of it that works best with their technique, but mostly it's a lot of like, don't scratch it or peel skin off of it (it gets itchy and flaky for a few days which sucks a bit but is fine, especially on tiny lines), keep it out of the sun, keep it moisturized but not smothered, leave the bandage on/rebandage it for 3-5 days, don't go swimming for a couple of weeks at least, etc. i have found it to be pretty whatever to get them to heal (depending on healing/how the session itself goes, you might have to go back in to get a touch up; my snake that i got back in november has a couple of lines that healed kind of fadey...that's pretty common as i understand it; both artists i've been to have offered free touch ups for 6-12mos, so that's pretty chill if you end up needing that)

i think the main thing is to pick an artist who does good work and has a clean studio, who you trust! that makes the whole process so so much better than like...not having that

[heartlites]

so, i suppose as a little update in the diary that is my tumblr blog.

out of all those books i bought, i've finished two and i'm on the third one. it's taking me much longer to finish the third one because it just didn't grip me like the first two books did. the one's i have finished are my darling dreadful thing by johanna van veen (highly recommend for a gripping gothic story) and the last story of mina lee by nancy jooyoun kim (also a good read, but didn't grip me as severely as the former).

i'm currently reading nura and the immortal palace by m.t. khan. i think it has fantastic world building with a lot of fantastical scenery and people, very fun and imaginative setting, but the writing style is a bit simpler. i think it's a book better suited for a tween to teen audience.

i tried painting yesterday once again. i picked up some small i believe 5"x5" canvases over the weekend to give myself something small to work on. i didn't like what i made, tbqh, and i did end up throwing it away. the acrylic paint set i have is kind of limited and didn't capture what i wanted and i think i've forgotten a lot of painting techniques. i don't remember how to work with acrylics much anymore. i used oil paints more in the past. i'm wondering if i should maybe look up some stuff to help me figure out and re-learn techniques. however, this does also have me thinking about digital art again because i wouldn't have to struggle w finding my colors/mixing paints or the clean up lol. i wish i could find my old tablet.

i'm excited for fall coming in, i want to try to spend some more time outside again but i've been struggling with a lot of pain, boredom, and loneliness since i fell. i can't do as much around the house and it's frustrating and leading to some boredom to me. i've turned to video games more but i'm currently feeling a little unsatisfied with them.

generally just kind of really depressed as a whole in life, though. so much stress and little way to relieve it. socially i feel crushed and devastated. i feel like some kind of creature trying to imitate humans. i feel so distant and disconnected. my therapist is retired and i still haven't found a new one. idk what to do

edit: oh! an addition. i started playing dead by daylight recently. it wasn't as scary or intimidating as i thought it'd be. it's also not really that scary. horror media has started to surround me in life more and more in my life and i'm unsure how i feel about it these days. its not as traumatic of an ordeal for me anymore but some of it i just do not "get" but i'm trying to make peace with the fact that i don't have to "get" everything. so far i think my favorite form of horror media i've engaged with is probably written/novel forms. suspense and mystery intrigues me and draws me in more.

[sincerely-krp]

hi admin! i do think this should sit on the blog till you post things tomorrow, because i think people should take this into account when giving feedback!

i feel like a lot of you are privileged to never have been on the receiving end of enough krp hate that you have to personally reach out to a vent blog in the hopes that you can persuade them to hear your case and not let people shit on you public.

which, that's honestly awesome, and good for you. i hope you never have to.

but i'm telling you right now, to try and argue that it's better for random fucking krpers to make toxic fucking blogs once a year like clockwork as opposed to having one place we all know this shit is gonna go to, which is run by admins that i can personally vouch for aren't inherently malicious, is a weak fucking argument.

imagine what happens when new blogs are made: everyone runs to them to rehash the same shit that's been going on. people unlucky like me have to then sit there and pray that we don't get trashed on a vent blog all over again. or that we can convince a vent blog admin, it's not that fucking easy.

as for bias in the results, it's really simple. if you contact sincerely because of something, and vents show up about you later, they dm you personally and give you 24 hours to try and disprove it because they don't need to post it to the blog, they know a party involved. in my case it would take way longer but i communicated with them and they were pretty responsive, not posting anything till i could get them what they needed.

then i adminned a krp and dmed sincerely pretty much immediately. lo and behold, shit tried to get spread, but they gave me time to explain the situation, and nothing was posted. the 24 hour rule applies privately too, but so much fucking harm is reduced just by them not being bitchy and toxic people inherently. we talk about krps closing down all the time because of vent blogs, but my krp, and probably the krps you think about when you think about which ones didn't get bashed, are STILL HERE because of this blog, and everything they do behind the scenes.

does it fucking suck that a vent blog is being given so much power and influence? yes, but they have time and time again been blunt about what it would take for vent blogs to no longer have credit. you guys keep missing the mark. it's not about stopping other vent blogs. it's about discrediting the opinions all together. who would trust people venting on a blog when verified reviews paint a complete different picture? when a directory that gives admins a chance to fix things comes out and says that admin abuse did go on, racism did occur, favoritism did occur, etc.?

the proof on this blog under the #proof tag would still be valid obviously, but the regular vents wouldn't be. and yeah, people will probably still shit on krps here, but it would still be moderated, and if sincerely closed and more toxic places opened up, then the opinion would still mean NOTHING compared to the database we would have from a credible place. i get everyone's frustration. but do the fucking work. review a krp you're in right now. if you're an admin, encourage your writers to do so too. idk how much we can trust krp-verse admins, but the fact that if they abuse their power there are people who will doxx them is enough for me to feel safe about it. plus, is it really better to trust a vent blog because the opposite is unfamiliar?

lastly, it's not bias for sincerely to use harm reduction techniques. but it results in them having to overcompensate on these blogs because people call those measures bias and interference but turn around and bitch when sincerely doesn't do enough of it. so think about what you're asking for. really think about it. listen to the people who come forward about how things are behind the scenes here. there's so much that gets missed.

・❥・

[radicallacceptance]

I feel so much guilt over my sexual feelings... I don't know where the line is. I think being in such a sex negative environment where there is so much focus on sexual violence and male depravity makes it hard for me to not feel naseous about sex sometimes. I've never really learned how to have my own sexual imagination. I feel like it's broken and I want to have one but sometimes the guidance helps. The porn industry sucks but I used it for a while... I struggled with stopping but I felt guilty knowing that I don't know what situation these people are in and that they are so exploited within the industry. I did eventually stop. But I still read fanfiction.

I was kind of a fujo honestly. I think I liked to dissociate from myself. Like I didn't want to project onto any female character in m/f. And I didnt like the way they were often portrayed in f/f. Less real and more childlike and feminine. And I guess just because I was into m/m... and it was available. I didn't want to fetishize gay men, but the fics I read weren't fetishizing they were really humanizing in my opinion. It's just not the same... I didn't like the girls that would treat real life gay men like they were characters they could toy around with and ship with people and treat like a stereotype. It made me really angry to see a few of the girls treat my gay male friend like that.

I'm not really into that now... I'm not fully sure I know why. I think I have some sort of aversion to male genitalia now, but I clearly wasn't like that before... I think I've always had an aversion to the idea of male genitalia inside me. Maybe that's why I wanted to dissociate from it. And maybe I did actually project onto a character to some extent, but moreso the top... Does that make me an autoandrophile? Does seeing myself as a guy that has a dick and does the fucking turn me on? Maybe... All I can say is I certainly have the thrust instinct, and I've never liked to put anything inside of me. Maybe that's not too abnormal...

I mostly read f/f fanfiction now. Or also... t4t m/m. Which I also feel guilty about because I feel like a chaser. Like I'm fetishizing them when in real life they would hate me. But idk :/ it's the best way I can find masc female characters and good lesbian sex. And maybe also having a crush on that one detrans blogger (or... multiple honestly) made me start thinking about the bottom growth and... idk. I feel bad about it again but... I find it appealing.

In reality tho I just couldn't be with anyone that couldn't accept their female body... Or that would try to cancel me for thinking kids that hate their bodies should go to therapy and learn techniques for self acceptance... that it's wrong and unhealthy to let them transition especially before they finish puberty... Not that it matters what either of us thinks. The idea of it now, that I have to have a politically correct and pure stance on everything and so does my partner when we're just two people with barely any effect on politics anyways... I just can't imagine going back to that modern social justice mindset. It just doesn't really matter. What matters is how we treat people, ultimately. I don't need to agree with a partner but we have to be able to respect each other. And to be able to talk about our views and ideas to some extent... To have shared values.

But now I have had a real life experience with a real life masc lesbian... which I didn't think was possible for me, but it happened and I sometimes think I made it up. It wouldn't have happened if she weren't assertive enough for the both of us. She's so confident. I told her that. I said to her, "you're so fucking hot and you know it."

It felt special. But it hurt, because I knew that I was less special to her. Because she had already been with so many women and we had just met. I feel weird saying that like I'm some podcast bro that cares about body count, but it actually does matter on some level... Because I could just be another notch on the bed post for her but she was my first, and probably only for a long time going forward. Maybe that's why I didn't let her fuck me back. Or maybe I'm actually stone. Maybe I really am meant to give and not meant to receive. Maybe I could find someone that doesn't expect me to...

She's also kind of fucked up. Like sadistic. I would feel better about it if she also thought it was fucked up. She told me that she once held a knife against a girl while she fucked her. She also bit me really hard. And probably wanted to hit me, but I wouldn't talk about it first so she didn't. I don't want that. I don't want to feel hurt, I want to feel loved... I don't like it being called vanilla... I just want passionate and loving sex.

We had passionate and loving sex. She felt so good. The feel of her body and the sound of her moaning. The wetness inside her. Getting lost in kissing her. Kissing down her neck and sucking on her breast. The repetitive motion of my fingers going in and out of her. God, it was really really good. She was amazing. I didn't know what I was doing really. She told me I fucked her really good but I was scared that I didn't. That she was just saying that. And the moment after, after she has orgasmed, when we just laid on top of each other on the bed, limbs intertwined, embracing... the intimacy of that moment. Like nothing I've ever felt and now I feel so starved of it. I fucked her again the next morning.

I got really obsessed with her. I thought about her constantly. I got really excited because she acted like we were gonna be together for real. And then on our next date things were weird. I was weirdly attached and self conscious and insecure and she was aloof like it didnt really affect her either way. Like nothing had happened. Which made it worse for me. And then she changed her mind over text and said it wasn't gonna work out. And I sobbed. And got angry.

And then she texted me again and I gave her a second chance and it was basically the same thing over again. I fucked her twice in one night and some time after we parted she decided we couldnt be together. And the third time when she texted me and needed me to come over and said we would talk, I wouldn't let her turn it sexual. And I got upset because I felt like this was a pattern and also that maybe I didn't want to fuck her every time I saw her. That she was way more sexual than me and she was also pressuring me after I said I didn't want to. I felt like I wouldn't be able to keep up with her but I also felt so misunderstood. And replaceable. Like I could be anyone... because she was projecting something onto me without really knowing me.

My coworker said I got love bombed. I don't think it was intentional, I think she's just kind of fucked up. She has trauma. You know. But... it's still unfair that she treated me this way. I know I come off as emotionally unstable but I can take care of myself... She really shouldn't have talked up the idea of a future together so soon. And I knew that at the time, no matter how much I wanted it. Even when I let myself get hopeful. I knew it was too soon.