#because i've never properly met the person who posted it. i know of them. but i've never talked to them.

[youremyonlyhope]

Hey universe, can you stop putting me in situations where I notice a miscommunication between two people and have to make the decision about pointing it out and possibly inserting myself into drama that doesn't involve me, or not telling them and letting it play out possibly badly for someone I care about? Please? Because this happens way too often.

[storiesfromafan]

Benny x Reader

A/N: first off, want to say this is my first time not only writing a Benny fic, but also writing something different to my usual stuff. So please be kind, as I am terrified to post this haha.

I have been thinking about this idea, and possible series, for over a week. So I finally bit the bullet and wrote out the first part. It's more of a set up for the reader, as I want to make this a series. As well, I left out places and such, but tried to do it in away that its not bad. Only because I'm from Australia and don't really know much with America, only what I've seen in movies and TV shows.

If it is not really liked, I will take it down. But if anyone is interested, I am happy to keep going. I have two more parts kind of planned out. But there is a few idea's I'm not 100% sure of. So if anyone want to talk Benny and these ideas, please message me.

Alright, I guess on to the story then...

“Tell me about the first time you met Benny?” Danny asked moving his microphone towards you.

You were sitting on your couch, lit smoke in hand. “Honestly, the first time I saw Benny, that was something. He saw me more then I really saw him”.

“What did he say to you? Or what did you say to him?” Danny asked adjusting the recorder.

You chuckled. “We never said anything to each other, well I said something but it wasn’t to him. You see I’d just gotten back from living with my Aunt for over three years. I’d gone to live with her when I was nineteen, prior to that for the last ten years the woman had been on my dads case. She believed a man couldn’t raise a girl. My old man wouldn’t listen to her. So I grew up a tomboy, eventually he entertained her request”.

You took a drag from the cigarette between your fingers, before releasing the smoke. “I can tell you living with that woman was torture. Along with her daughter, who had just gotten engaged when I arrived. They both took to teaching what is expected of a lady, how to dress, walk and talk. The only way I survived it was when I made friends with some locals there that raced motorcycles. When my Aunt found out, she flipped out, sent me back after I wouldn’t change my ways...”

~~~

How you managed to pack up three years in two large suitcases surprised you. But here they were, back in your old room on your families farm. The room looked just as you had left it, only a tad dusty from half assed cleaning courtesy of your dad and brother. Looking around brought back memories. Your best friend pushed past you and took a seat on your bed.

“Can see the males of the house don’t know how to clean properly” she commented running her hand over your bedding.

“Unfortunately not. If they did, along with being able to cook, then women would not be required” you laughed lifting and bringing a suitcase over, before dropping it on the bed.

“Agreed" she laughed with you.

You began to unpack the suitcase, which had mostly shoes, tops, bottoms, personal items. Once that one was done you removed it from its place before replacing it with the second suitcase. This one had a few more tops and bottoms, but mostly your dresses.

“Lilly, do you mind getting the dresses out and I will hang them up?” You asked her as you put away the last of your tops and bottoms.

“Sure” was her response before taking out the first dress and handing it out to you.

You thanked her while taking the garment from her hands, putting it on a hanger and then placing it in your closet. While doing this together Lilly filled you in on the town gossip, along with that of people you had gone to school with.

“You remember Anne, right?” – You nodded your head – “she has turned into a real Miss Prim and Proper! No doubt it’s her mummy’s doing, dolling up her daughter in hopes for her to catch a big fish!”

You laughed. “Really? You believe her mum would do that?”

Lilly gave you a pointed look. “Just about every girls mum wants her daughter to land the perfect catch. They practically raise girls to be perfect house wives. My mum done it with me, it’s only half stuck” she laughed pulling out another dress.

You felt a pain in your heart at your friends words, for you didn’t have the luxury of growing up with a mum. You only knew your mum till you were eight, before she died. You love your dad but you missed your mum, and all the stuff you missed out on learning from her. Thankfully Lilly’s mum was a great second mum, not to mention your Aunt when she would come and visit would also give you a little of what you missed out on.

Lilly sighed holding your dress to her body, “I’m so jealous of all the lovely dresses you have”.

You smiled softly. “They are nice, but not ideal for a farm”.

“Well of course not! But when we go to town or parties, they will be perfect! Maybe I could borrow one or two sometime, specially when I have a hot date” Lilly asked leaning toward you batting her eyelashes.

You laughed taking the dress. “Sure, but make sure they are cleaned before returning them. Don’t want any suspicious stains on them”.

She gave you a disgusted look retrieving another dress. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m a lady” Lilly proclaimed sweetly.

You laughed taking the dress from her hands, while she gave you an offender look before she in turn laughed, not hurt by anything you said or done. That was your friendship, completely open and honest. Since you were both children you got on like a house on fire. You told each other everything and not once judged each other. Lilly was the sister you never had.

Once you had finished unpacking that was when you heard the revs of a motorcycle. You looked to Lilly, just as she looked to you. Without saying anything the both of you left your room and headed outside, hearing the revs again you figured it was coming from the old barn away from the house. Both giggling at the intrigue, you both headed for the barn. You were the one to put your weight into opening one of the barn doors, wiping your hands on your jeans walking into the space, Lilly right behind you.

Before you was your older brother, Andy with a racing bike. He looked up when realizing he wasn’t alone, wiping his hand on an old rag. Once his eyes landed on you did he smile brightly before pocketing the rag and coming over to engulf you in a big hug, which lifted you off the ground.

You laughed. “What a great welcome home”.

Andy laughed swinging you around. “Welcome home kid. I’ve missed you!”

You hit his shoulder telling him to put you down, which he did reluctantly. “You saw me a few months ago”.

“Still missed you!” He laughed.

You shook your head at your older brother, before eyes going back to the racer. “Project of yours?” You asked as you walked toward the bike.

Both Andy and Lilly followed you. Andy took the place he had originally been when you entered the barn, while you moved to the other side of the bike, Lilly chose to stand back. You looked over the bike, admiring it’s beauty. Motorcycles was the one thing you and your brother had in common. It was a great way to bond together when you were a teenager.

“When did you start racing?” You asked running a hand over the bikes seat. “Does dad know?”

Andy rolled his eyes. “Yeah he knows. I’ve been racing on and off for seven or so months”.

“He has ever since joining the Vandals” added Lilly.

You looked to your friend before back to your brother with a raised eyebrow. “Really? The Vandals huh? When were you going to tell me, hmm?”

Picking up a tool, Andy went back to adjusting something on the bike that you couldn’t see while shrugging his shoulders. “Does it matter?”

“You usually tell me these things Andy, I feel hurt you didn’t mention it” you said with a touch of sadness. “And dads fine with it?”

He laughed. “Of course, he’s fine with it. Since he knows most of the guys in the club”.

You nodded. “Alright.”.

“Don’t worry (Y/N), Uncle Johnny keeps an eye out for his boys” Lilly spoke up, knowing you worried about your brother.

Yes, you recall Lilly mentioning her Uncle Johnny, and that you had met him a few times when he had stopped off at Lilly’s house, was the leader of The Vandals. He seemed like a nice man, always looking out for his family. You also recalled her mentioning the club, but you hadn’t been around when it turned into a riding club, just when it was in the early stages of a racing club.

After that you and Lilly chatted with Andy while he worked on the bike. The atmosphere had returned to a happy and fun one. You learnt about what had been going on with Andy and the farm, along with your dad, who you still hadn’t seen yet. You couldn’t wait to see your old man, you had seen him a few months back when you saw Andy, but you missed the time with him. You had missed both men in your life. But now you were back where you belonged.

“There” sighed Andy dropping the tool in his hand and turning the bike off, “I think that will do for now. Just have to test her”.

“Her?” Both you and Lilly questioned looking at Andy.

“Yeah, her” he replied moving to kick up the bikes kickstand and holding the bike up. “It’s been nothing but temperamental and trouble, just like a female”. His tone was teasing, telling you he was joking around.

“Sounds more like a male” retorted Lilly with a laugh.

Andy shot her a dark look before laughing himself. You shook your head laughing at the two of them. Eventually he admitted defeat when he and Lilly went back and forth a bit more.

Andy began to move the bike around and then out the barn door, both you and Lilly following behind him. Out in the sunlight you can see the bike better, watching as Andy gave it another look over. You stepped up to him and watch him. Once he was happy with the bike, Andy was about to get on when you stopped him.

“Could I give it ago?” You asked softly. You’d ridden bikes before when you were a teen. Plus when you were living with your Aunt, which may or may not have upset her.

He looked at you unsure. “I don’t know kid. She hasn’t gotten all the kinks worked out of her. I still have this issue with her taking off when you go up in gears, she just accelerates and can be hard to handle”.

You nodded but smiled. “I promise to be careful and not go too fast. Please, can I?” You gave him the biggest puppy dog eyes you could.

Andy wasn’t sure if he should let you, but Lilly came to your defense. “Come on Andy, you know she will be careful. It’s just a few laps, it won’t hurt”.

Reluctantly he agreed and you shot Lilly a big smile, which she returned. So with his consent, you grasped the handle before moving to swing your leg over the bike, and sat down taking hold of the other handle. Andy stepped up and walked you through starting her up, you knew what to do but let him instruct you. He went over everything; front brake lever, throttle, clutch lever, gearshift lever and rear brake pedal. With his instructions he stepped back from you and let you go.

You started out slow, going around in circles before both your brother and friend. Lilly was cheering you on, which made you laugh. Gradually you picked up the speed and at Andy’s words, you did wider laps.

“You look so cool!” Called Lilly. Which you rolled your eyes at.

“Alright kid” Andy called. “Why don’t you take her back up behind the barn, then down toward the house and then turn right to take the long way back to the barn, get her speed up a bit more”.

You nodded giving him a solute, which made Lilly laugh and your brother call out for you to keep your hands on the handlebars. You did as he instructed before turning around and riding up behind the barn. As you looped back around you revved up the bike, and as you straightened up and headed for the house, you shifted the gears. Unfortunately the little issue your brother warned you about decided to come forth as you gained speed. The bike jerked with the acceleration, you held onto the handlebars tightly doing everything to keep the bike in check.

Andy noticed the change in your body and figured out what had happened, panic setting in he began calling out to you. He couldn’t do much more than that. He prayed you could handle the bike, and didn’t want to think of what could happen to you.

All the while before you had gotten on the bike, none of you were aware that your dad had returned home. Along with him were two men from The Vandals, the older male had dark hair while the younger dirty blonde hair, with stubble to match. They were discussing some business before heading around to the back of the house, when they all caught the sounds of a bike.

“Take it Andy’s working on his racer” the older male commented to your dad.

He laughed. “Yeah, the boys determined to smoke the competition Johnny”.

Johnny laughed. “He’s a good kid and rider, no doubt he will beat them”.

The Three started to make their way around to behind the house. They all looked up to the barn to see the bike take off up behind the old building. Your dad noticed two figures standing by the barn, one looked to be Andy, which confused the man. He wondered who was on the bike then. That was when the bike came back into view, heading towards the house. The shouting from the barn caught everyone’s attention, worry setting into your dad.

You had been so focused on staying in control of the bike you hadn’t noticed the three figures walking into your path until last minute. Upon seeing them you quickly dropped the gears on the bike before hitting the back brakes. With the light weight of the bike you managed to turn it right, planting your right foot to the ground and pulling off a slide stop. Dirt kicked up at your manoeuvre, you sat there a little stunned as the bike idled away.

You blinked a few times before turning to look at the males before you. But mostly to your dad, who looked just as stunned as you.

“Ah, hi dad” you said slowly. “Didn’t know you were home”.

He looked at you, to the bike you sat on and then back to you. “What are you doing?! You shouldn’t be riding that!”

You flinched at his slightly raised voice. “I was testing the bike for Andy...”

He shook his head. “Did he tell you about the issue it has with acceleration?” – You nodded – “and he still let you ride it!?”

“Well I promised to be careful” you replied.

Your old man shook his head. “You shouldn’t haven’t gotten on it (Y/N), what if you had crashed! Turn it off and get off it, now!”

“But I didn’t crash, I think I handled her pretty well” you defended as you turned off the bike before getting off it.

By this time both Andy and Lilly had jogged down to the scene. Your dad turned and began to have words with your brother, while he took the bike from you.

“Seriously Andy, I thought you’d know better than to let anyone on that bike before getting it sorted out” he said with a deep sigh.

Andy looked down while apologizing.

“It’s not all his fault, I wanted to ride it” you came to your brothers defense.

“Yes, well I’m disappointed in both of you. What if something had happened to you? Your brother would have to live with that” he guilt tripped you.

“I am sorry dad. But I kinda knew what I was doing...” you said softly not looking at the man before you.

That was when you noticed the other two on lookers. Suddenly you felt embarrassed that both of them were witnessing you and your brother getting a scolding.

While from the time you had stopped and until you finally noticed them, the younger of the two males had been looking at you. He was surprised when you had slid stopped the bike you were on. It had been like an Angel had slid before him. He was impressed by how you had not only handled the bike, but also your dad. But found you cute when you got embarrassed by him and Johnny. He could tell there was more to you, and it was fascinating.

Before you could really take in the two Vandals, your dad sighed once more. “Andy, take the bike back to the barn. (Y/N), go back into the house with Lilly”.

Lilly walked up to you and linked arms with you and began to pull you to the house, reluctantly you let her do so. All the while Lilly softly comment on the events. But before disappearing into the house, you watched your brother push his bike back up to the barn, then you looked to your dad and the older male watching your brother. Looking to the younger Vandal you saw him looking at you, and not to were the other two beside him was looking. But then Lilly pulled you into the house, severing eye contact to the young Vandal.

“What was that Fred?” Johnny finally questioned.

Your dad sighed. “That was my daughter. She got back today from her Aunts”.

Johnny whistled. “Might have your hands full with that one. But I will admit, that stop was impressive”.

Fred shook his head. “Don’t let her hear that. Don’t want to encourage her” he laughed darkly. “Come on, the sheds this way”.

Your dad started to walk again, while the other males followed. Johnny continued to ask about you, which your dad filled in. He said how he’d lost your mum when you were eight. How he did his best to raise you, all the while his sister-in-law kept hassling him about letting her take you in and raise you.

“The old battle-axe didn’t think I could raise a girl” Fred said with a sigh. “She was kinda right. I raised a tomboy”.

Johnny laughed while the other male smiled. “Nothin’ wrong with that” comment Johnny.

“I agree” said Fred, “but (Y/N) missed out on a lot not having a mum around. Thankfully Lilly's mum was there when it came to female things”.

Johnny nodded before following Fred into the shed. The younger male decided to wait outside, which was fine with the pair. Walking over to a fence before the shed, the young male lent back on the post, retrieving a pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket. Taking out a cigarette, he pocketed the packet and pulled out his lighter. With the cigarette between his lips he sparked the lighter and lit it. Taking the first drag he put away the lighter, eyes looking back at your house as he released the smoke into the air.

Honestly, he can say he had never seen a female ride a bike before. Usually the females that were around The Vandals were always on the back of one. So seeing you handle that bike like you had was not only impressive but also a turn on. He hoped to cross paths with you again sometime soon.

Johnny came out of the shed with Fred. “Come on Benny, were done here”.

Moving from the fence post, Benny followed both men back to the front of the house and where their bikes were. Once on their bikes, they both started them up. They sat there for a few minutes, which allowed Benny a few more drags from his smoke before tossing it off to the side. He and Johnny began to move their bikes back to turn around, when Benny got a glance of both you and Lilly by the window. With a small smile, they both took off, heading back into town and to the bar.

~~~

“As I said, it was something. Me embarrassed by my old man having words with me. I didn’t really take Benny in at the time” you stated putting out your cigarette.

“You said Benny noticed you more?” Danny asked checking his recorder.

“Yeah, he told me so later on. He’d call me his Angel on wheels” you laughed.

“So the next time you saw Benny, you finally spoke to each other?”

You laughed more at his words. “Unfortunately, no. We might have if the time was right. But that second time I saw Benny, I really saw him...”

A/N: please don't hate me for this lol. I am also sorry for the use of (Y/N).

[runningincircl3s]

Nothing Ever After

Noah Sebastian x Reader x Vinny Mauro

Chapter One

chapter warnings: none :)

yippee the first chapter is here!! pls bare with me it gets better, as i'm posting this i’m currently writing chapter 12 and personally i’m giggling and kicking my feet <3 i’ll also be cross posting this on ao3 when i remember my password!

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

"Y/n, are you listening to me?" Bryan asks over the phone.

You were in the middle of making lunch, so your phone was left on the side on speaker as you got the bits you needed out of the fridge, shutting the door with your hip as you walked back to the counter.

"Oh sorry, what did you say?" 

"I asked if you wanted to join me and the boys on tour this summer. It'll be good to get some experience, not a lot of bands hire photographers who haven't had any touring experience, and I could certainly do with the help."

"You've got to be kidding.” You slammed the cucumber you were holding on the kitchen counter, shaking your head. “Bry, this is a joke, right?"

"No? Why would I be joking?"

"You're asking me to come on tour with you- with Bad Omens? Isn’t that in a week? You want me to go on tour, next week?!"

"Yes...?” He chuckled, "what's so unbelievable about it? You're my best friend, y/n, I wouldn't ask anybody else."

"Holy fuck." You threw your head in your hands. "I've only met the guys once before, Bry, and you know how that went down!"

"That's why I'm asking you this now. We can fly you out to stay with us for a week or so in California before we leave so you can get to know everyone properly. At least that way it won't be awkward when we're all forced to sleep on each other in the bus." Bryan laughed, knowing the thought of sleeping with at least probably 6 guys on a bus was the last thing you'd want to be doing this summer. 

"Well you guys can sleep on the bus, I'm booking hotels."

"So is that a yes...?" 

You paused and thought for a moment. This was an opportunity you would never be offered again in a million years, people would kill for this and you’d never forgive yourself if you turned it down.

"You fucker." You grinned, "I'm in."

Bryan booked you a flight that afternoon to LA, leaving the next night. You rushed around your apartment, throwing bits into your suitcase, most likely over packing because you couldn't help but panic that you would forget something. 

You couldn’t sleep that night, half of you feeling like you were going to throw up from nerves, half from excitement. The next day you sent a text to Bryan when you got in the taxi to leave for the airport, and he arranged for Matt to pick you up once you landed. 

To save even more costs, Bryan said that Noah had a spare room at his house, Jesse had recently moved out and he was happy to let you stay whilst you were there. The thought of staying with Noah made you feel slightly anxious, to say you had a little crush on him was an understatement. Ever since Bryan started working for them you'd been absolutely smitten by him, he was quite possibly the most gorgeous man you have ever laid eyes on. 

Bryan gave Matt your number, so you could text him when you landed. The flight went by pretty quick as you caught up on missed sleep and listened to a couple new albums from your favourite artists that you hadn't had the chance to listen to yet.

Once you'd gotten your bags back and gone through security, you let Matt know you were here and he was already on his way to pick you up. 

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

"Y/n!" Matt called out, and all of a sudden you spotted him getting out of his car. "Great to see you again." 

He took your suitcase and bags, putting them in the car, opening the passenger door for you too. 

"It's been a few years," you smile, "how are you? How are the dogs?"

"I'm doing pretty good. I moved recently, and the dogs love the new place, there's so much more room for them to run about and play. Me and Alyson are actually thinking of getting another one."

"Awh cute! So you guys are still together?"

"Yeah, I can’t believe it's been 5 years now. We have our ups and downs but I can't see myself with anyone else." You notice he can't help but smile as he talks about his girlfriend. 

"What about the guys? Are any of the others in relationships?"

"Ruffilo and Jolly have partners. Folio’s still getting over his ex and Noah's just Noah," he chuckles, "what's your love life currently like then?" 

"Well... it's non-existent. I've been working so hard for the last couple years I haven't had time to date or anything. I download and delete dating apps every other week, I don't like using them but there's no other way I'd meet anyone."

The rest of the journey back to Noah's house you continued to catch up with Matt. Besides Bryan, who's been your best friend since you were at school, you spoke to Matt the most out of the guys from the band since he was always active on social media. You often interacted with Folio and Nicholas (sometimes Jolly), but it wasn't ever much more than a happy birthday each year, or comments on each other’s instagram posts. Noah was an entirely different story. 

Finally, Matt pulled up to Noah's house, parking on the driveway. You felt nervous, you wanted to tell the guys somethings come up at home and quickly book a flight back, but then you heard the wheels of your suitcase rolling over the ground as Matt handed it to you and the door to Noah's house opening. 

"Y/n!" It was Folio, you immediately grinned back at him as he stood at the door, holding his arms out to welcome you with a hug, "it's great to see you again! How long has it been? 3 years?" 

"I know, it's crazy! Look how tatted you are now!" You felt like a grandma commenting on how tall their grandsons got. 

"You're lucky Bryan asked in advance for you to stay in Jesse’s old room," another voice spoke as you walked into the house, and then you spotted him, "Folio's now sleeping on the couch." Noah laughed. 

"Shit, sorry Nick," you chuckled, "but thanks for letting me stay, Noah. I was gonna book a hotel but when I told Bryan the price for just one night he didn't let me."

"Hey, no worries," he smiled, getting up from the sofa, "we can't wait to have you with us this tour. It is your first, isn't it?"

"Yep!"

"Cool,” he took your suitcase from you and led you up the stairs, “here’s your room, it’s actually the biggest in the house. I was contemplating switching so it could be mine but I haven’t had the time,” he chuckled, “but I think it works better now as the guest room.” 

“It’s lovely, thank you Noah.” 

“No problem! I put fresh sheets on this morning and everything… Also we’re getting the bathroom redone up here as there’s something wrong with the plumbing. But feel free to use the one connected to my room, and there’s also one downstairs but I’m sure you don’t wanna be going all the way down there in the middle of the night.” 

“That’s okay, I’m just grateful for the room.” You said, looking around. It was a rather big room, almost as big as your entire apartment. The walls were painted grey, with a few framed art pieces on the wall. The bed was against the wall by the window, the white sheets complementing the wooden frame. There was a tv on the wall and a dresser beneath it with a few Naruto funko pops decorating it.

“You don’t have to keep thanking me.” He smiled, and you felt your stomach do backflips. Noah looked a lot different to how you remembered him, his long hair was now short, his nails he had painted black were now plain, the skinny jeans were replaced by black joggers, but the most noticeable difference was his face, which seemed a lot more structured now, it's as if the haircut had changed everything. Sure, you had seen pictures of him on social media, but it was nothing compared to seeing him in person again. 

“I do, I’m essentially a stranger to you.” You chuckled, but he shook his head. 

“No you’re not, we met before, remember? Bryan’s party, in New York?”

You were slightly surprised he remembered the details, you couldn’t remember much that actually happened that night, but you do remember waking up the next day in a random hotel room with the worst hangover ever.

“Don’t bring that up!” You hid your face in your hands in embarrassment. 

“I basically had to babysit you!” He laughed, “a 20 something year old woman who couldn’t handle her alcohol, spewed all across my jeans-”

“Hey, I got it on me too! And my shoes were fucking expensive.” 

“I know, it was all you kept saying.” He laughed. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t even know if I apologised to you that night.” 

“You didn’t, but Bryan did. We had to kick Folio out of his hotel room that night because you were in no state to go anywhere without us, he had to share with Jolly in the end.”

“Poor guy probably hates me at this point.” You laughed, and Noah smiled. 

“I’ll leave you to unpack, I’ll be downstairs. There’s some things I need to double check with Matt before Thursday.” 

“Okay, thanks.” You smiled as he left, shutting the door behind himself. 

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Later that night, the guys were all downstairs watching some movie they’d been talking about for a while. You came down not long before it ended, as Noah said he was ordering food in for around 7pm. 

You sat down on the couch next to Noah, although there was a big gap between the two of you. You checked your phone for a moment, seeing if anything happened in the time it took you to walk down the stairs.

“So is anyone else coming to stay before tour?” You asked as Orie turned the movie off after watching the scene that played after the end credits. 

“Uh, I think Nicholas is coming the day before we leave.” Noah answered, reaching for his phone. “Jolly only lives down the street now with his girlfriend so he doesn’t need to travel too far, and Ash lives nearby-”

“Ash?” You question, not having heard that name before. 

“My personal trainer, he comes on tour with us as security when he’s available.” Now that he’s mentioned it, you realise he does look pretty buff. 

However, you quickly snap out of your thoughts as the doorbell rings and Folio (as he was closest) gets up to answer it. 

“Guys, foods here!” Folio shouts from the kitchen as he puts it down on the counter. 

You all get up and make your way to the kitchen, you help Folio to work out whose is whose as Noah gets out some plates and Orie gets the forks. You take it through to the living room and Noah passes you the remote to put something on whilst you all eat. You settle on some random show as you know it’ll just be background noise, you have a lot of catching up to do. 

“So, Nick, you still go fishing?” You asked, shoving a forkful of food into your mouth. 

“Yeah, I actually went at the weekend with some of my friends before leaving to come here.”

“Wait, so where do you live now?”

“Back in Maryland, baby!” He grinned, grabbing his beer from the coffee table, “I’ve been thinking about moving again though, the only reason I stayed was because… well-” 

You realised where this was leading.

“Why don’t you think about it whilst we’re touring? About moving, I mean. A fresh start might do you good.” You sent him a smile, which he reciprocated. 

“That’s what the guys keep telling me, and now Noah has a couple rooms free I’ve said I’ll think about it.” 

“So what about you, y/n?” Noah asked, “would you ever consider moving somewhere like here? I mean when your career starts taking off after this, it’ll be better to be somewhere where you can travel more easily and there’s more connections.” 

“I haven't even thought about that…” You admit, “and it’s if my career takes off. I don’t want to get too excited and then not get booked for years, or to go on this tour and find that I hate it.”

“Hey!” Folio looked genuinely offended, “you’re not gonna hate it, I promise you that.” 

“It’s just… I don’t know what to expect, and there’s nothing I hate more than the unknown.” 

Noah moves his hand to rub your knee as you were sat beside him with your legs crossed, your plate in your lap, as if to comfort you, to reassure you- but it only took your breath away.

“Everything will be okay, y/n. I know where you’re coming from, I’m the same. Every morning and night we go through the plan for the day, where we have to travel, how long it’ll take, how long the breaks will be, if we’ve booked a table to go to eat. I promise we’ll all look out for you... It’s not like I haven't done it before.” He smirks. 

“I told you not to bring that up!” You slap him playfully, and the other two guys in the room look over in confusion. All Noah had to mention was ‘Bryan’s birthday’ and they both got it. 

“God, how could we forget.” Folio laughed, and Orie just watched in confusion. 

“Fuck you guys.” You said, reaching for your pepsi, “maybe on this tour you’ll get so drunk that I’ve got to take care of you!” You raise your eyebrows at Noah. 

“Hm, only problem is I don’t drink anymore so I don’t see that happening.” 

“You don't? Wow, sorry Noah I didn't know that. That's got to have been tough.” 

“It was in the beginning, but now it doesn’t bother me. I like waking up with a clear head in the mornings.” 

That smile was going to be the death of you.

——————————

@miss570 @miamore0570 @lma1986 @rumoured-whispers @thisbicc @dominuslunae @jilliemiw86 @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard

[aspd-culture]

Hi! Hope it’s ok to ask this, I’m a person with aspd’s exception they are also my partner whom I love dearly I wanted to know from you all if there’s any advice you all have or anything. They’re genuinely the best person I know and it took a lot of trust to get to where we are now and it was worth every second I care for them a lot and I want to be the best boyfriend I can to them

(Due to the amount of links and to avoid formatting issues, I'm going to keep this post in plain text only. I apologize for the length of it, and the length of all the posts I'll be linking here)

Hi, it's definitely okay to ask and I really appreciate you coming to someone with ASPD because damn the google searches for this suck. I've got a couple posts on this that go into better detail than I could in one post, so I'm gonna put some links in here and if you need any clarification or have any other questions, feel free as always to ask them./gen

Links & more advice below the cut:

Firstly, one of my posts where I've described what an Exception is (always a good idea to know this so that you're aware of what that means from our side):

How to support a pwASPD:

Urges/possible replacement behaviors:

What "Transactional Relationships" Means for pwASPD (useful to understand how to avoid making someone with ASPD feel unsafe around you:

This one is short but it's something I personally wish more Exceptions realized (how high a value it means we put on you). I don't show you this in any way to put pressure on you but instead to help remind you in the moments where it might not feel like the pwASPD in your life cares (because sometimes it just doesn't come across properly) that they very, very much do:

Tips for dealing with ASPD symptoms from the side of the prosocial person:

Things that can cause ASPD Flares:

And that is probably already a novella's worth of information. But some specific advice I don't know if I've gone into before:

Do yourself and the person in question two huge favors in this and learn about flat affect if they experience that & try to learn to be comfortable with it, and get used to checking in with both of your emotions vs making assumptions on them. That goes both ways, because low/no empathy is a big part of most people's ASPD so they will very likely struggle to notice your emotions, and also because pwASPD have an emotional state that is VERY much misread by prosocial empathy. A lot of pwASPD (and no prosocial I've ever met) have this true neutral emotional state that is kind of the default, and I and many other pwASPD have learned the hard way that this true neutral (not content, just not feeling any emotion at all) reads to empathy as livid. Like truly pissed the hell off. This leads to something that can cause extreme friction between a prosocial and someone with ASPD: this persistent "I feel like you're mad at me" or "I can tell something is wrong" when in fact we are not feeling anything at the moment. Ask this enough times in a row though, or try to tell us what we're feeling, and suddenly the majority of us would sure be feeling VERY ticked off. I'm not saying don't ask at all - like I said open communication of emotions is huge between a prosocial and a pwASPD - but if they say they aren't mad but your empathy (if you have typical empathy) is certain they are, believe them at face value. On the low chance they're lying (most of us won't hesitate to tell you that you've ticked us off), it's probably because it is not something they feel able to discuss at the moment, and because most of us have low/no empathy, we don't expect you to guess how we're feeling anyways. If we don't tell you, we usually get that you don't know and won't like pin that on you in the way prosocials might.

Also, obviously pwASPD are not all the same so the biggest thing is to communicate in general. Don't assume everything I've said in these posts are universal because with a personality disorder, the spectrum of symptoms is wide - that's just kind of how it is when you're dealing with a disorder that affects every aspect of someone's life, actions, emotions, and thoughts.

[transfemme-shelterdog]

it's fucking lonely

honestly, that's the worst part about being a trans woman who at least attempts to stick up for trans men. i can't trust anyone. it's hard to actually reach out to people and make friends and keep them because i'm constantly so scared that it won't hold up. most trans men aren't actually raging transmisogynists no matter what the transradfems want you to think, but a distinct amount of them are, and I know it reflects on me that it makes it hard to meet them because of that but that doesn't really change the fact that it does

trans women on here are honestly almost fucking worse. i've had to instantly hardblock so many mutuals i actually really liked because they can't stop going mask off about how they think trans men benefit from patriarchy, or talking shit about people i really like, or reblogging callout posts about my alt they don't know is me where i actually felt brave enough to speak up about this. the "love every trans woman you meet before it's too late" thing somehow never seems to hold up when it's a trans woman who doesn't agree with them about how they're actually the only oppressed people ever, it's all just meaningless platitudes they refuse to put into practice when the chips are down

anyway trans men who follow op and are seeing this: you aren't inherently evil for being a trans man. you are not being transmisogynistic by talking about the specific ways you're oppressed and wanting to have language for it

trans women seeing this: you're a good person. you aren't in the wrong for talking about how mainstream (trans)feminist theory doesn't properly address your struggles or complaining it ignores and speaks over the experiences of trans men. there are people out there who will support you as a person when people write callout posts about you, insinuating you believe things you've never said, for disagreeing with them. if you consider yourself a transfeminist, ask yourself how you would react when another transfem disagrees with you.

sorry i'm venting on your blog, op. i really admire you being willing to talk abt this sort of thing as openly as you do and if anyone i follow is willing to host this inane string of rambling its probably you lol. you dont have to post this if you dont want, i just felt like i had to say it bc its kind of eating me up inside, and i dont wanna post it on main because the transradfems will all tell me to kill myself again lmao

Oh it's incredibly lonely, I totally agree. The amount of trans women I've met online and irl that have basically distanced themselves from me because I believe that trans men can be oppressed is a depressing amount. It's incredibly isolating, but I don't regret a thing.

It's important that we stand together and not falter in our support of each other, no matter what. The moment we stop supporting each other is the moment the transphobes both within and outside the trans community win.

[taintedsoul-if]

Hi! I just wanted to say the game is wonderful. There are so many ideas that I end loving and so many questions about the world building.

I've a few questions about the Crown Heir.

Is there a difference between SR!Trysten/Trysta and HR!Trysten/Trysta? From what I've seen in other posts the character seems to be different, as if they were two different person. SR! It is that sick person who considers themself the center of the world. However, I don't know what to think of HR! Seeing they reactions towards MC, such as regret and how they heart warms happily when they are with MC, along with some things like in an old post mentioning that they would marry MC and his sister, it makes me think that those are Trysten/Trysta's true feelings. In the post telling Yesenia's past, it is said that OH was originally meant to be with Trysten/Trysta, which would be the same as the bond that T has with Yesenia. But even when T was bonded, they still had strong feelings for OH, something that Yesenia tried to erase, even so, as it happened with the kiss that T gave OH at the party, it seems that those feelings are still there.

I would summarize T Hardcore Route in "there are things that are beautiful for the simple fact of not being able to possess them". They had OH's love for a while, but now they lost it, and now Trysten/Trysta is slowly falling for the MC, feeling things from someone who is in love.

T is still a piece of trash who deserves to rot in the depths of the abyss, but HR! it seems that something of the original Trysten/Trysta still exists, which could make them even a little more decent. It doesn't mean that they deserves to be with MC after what they did to OH, only the other RO have that right. They are cinnamon rolls.

What would the RO think when they see the events of the Original Timeline and how Yesenia ruined everything? Especially T seeing that Yesenia mentally manipulated them and Cadmus preparing all kinds of torture.

Anon, this took extra time, so I apologize! I felt like I needed to revisit a lot of plot points before attempting to answer your question properly. This will be a long one.

♡♡♡♡

Before we get into the nitty-gritty, let me point out that in the past, Lady Anaya had a habit of sealing away the OH’s memories.

There’s a distinction between the Soft-Core Revenge (SCR) and Hard-Core Revenge (HCR) versions of T.

SCR T leans toward believing that the MC is playing hard to get, especially when they "coincidentally" bump into or try to avoid them—whether at school, in the cafeteria, or simply existing in Nasmar. This route is a mix of the Good Life and Hardcore Revenge paths—while T is just as insufferable as in the Good Life route, there's an added layer of obsession. HCR, on the other hand, is about making T suffer. The MC keeps them at arm’s length, refusing to take any crap from anyone. Because of this distance, T starts noticing small details about the MC—along with memories buried deep in their mind. Ultimately, the readers will decide what these details are, but let’s use a simple example: Say the MC is allergic to cucumbers. During a dinner before the big competition, T will notice that the MC has the exact same allergy as Yesenia. This realization will unsettle them, making them question things they never have before.(I use "MC" because the body now belongs to the PC.)

When the OH was younger, they noticed gaps in their memories—for instance, they might remember going flower picking one day, but not who they met or what happened afterward.

Even though this route is hardcore, T is still genuine toward the MC. However, expressing those emotions is difficult for them. And when they do manage to show vulnerability, they’re quickly reminded of their position in the relationship—that what exists between them is just a casual hookup.

By using sex as a guise, T gets to spend extra time with the MC. However, this only makes things worse—memories and flashbacks of their past with Yesenia begin resurfacing, but oddly, as these memories emerge, the face of Yesenia blurs and is replaced by the MC's face.

T carries deep regret and guilt. They’ve harmed the OH in many ways, yet, despite everything, they did their best to protect them. But someone is always interfering—T feels like a puppet, their strings pulled by others.

In the updated plotline, T and Yesenia are ill-fated, which is why, at the Ritual Union, [REDACTED].

What Yesenia doesn’t realize is that even if she strips away someone’s memories, the emotions tied to those moments never truly disappear. They linger, buried beneath the surface, waiting for the slightest tug or push to piece themselves back together.

No matter how much is erased or tampered with, T’s feelings for the MC will always remain. That is the root of their growing obsession—one that grows with every passing second.

And that kiss? It wasn’t child’s play. In the updated plot, T despises the idea of swapping spit with others—but with the PC, everything feels different.

And it’s because of this love that T will be driven down a path of no return, uncovering secrets about their family they were never meant to know.

♡♡♡♡

Honestly, Anon, I’m conflicted about a lot of things. The changes surrounding this RO are ones I believe will leave my readers completely shaken. But beneath it all, the only thing I can say for sure is that T is innocent in all of this.

…But still, I refuse to bend. I hate this character.

As for your final question—yes, something like this will happen at the end of Arc 1. Yesenia will cross an unforgivable line, realizing that everything she once held in her grasp is slipping away—T, the wealth of the ${surname2} household—and that realization will make her snap.

History will repeat itself. But this time, the hunter won’t stop at just 2,000 souls.

Everyone’s reaction falls into spoiler territory, but one thing is certain—Artilius knows everything. He even helped Yesenia orchestrate it.

......

Anyways… I can’t spill any more.

That should tie everything up for this ask. 🥴❤️

Once again, I do apologize for the long wait on this one. Thank you for your patience and the ask! I do hope you're doing well, and that this helps tie up some of your curiosity.

[numberonetacostan]

Do you have any post Finale Taco angst?

I love my baby and I want to hear more of herrrr

I’m sorry if you’ve gotten this before… (*๓´╰╯`๓)

Hi Odyssey!! Welcome, and thank you for sending in an ask!! :] I don't...think I've gotten this before? I don't tend to remember what I'm asked very well. But even if I have I'm happy to share more!!! (*๓´╰╯`๓)

Do I- do I have any post finale Taco angst? Do I have any post finale Taco angst!? /lh

yes, yes I do!!! Chionophobia is post finale Taco angst, my current wip is post finale Taco angst, I really like post finale Taco angst a whole lot!!!! So please enjoy some post finale Taco angsts!!

So, Taco is super nervous to be around everyone now, yeah? And a lot of them really don't like her and would remain quite suspicious of her. But Taco is one of if not the only ones who has a lot of the knowledge and survival skills they'll need for building their new community. Foraging and farming? Everyone else has had groceries from the hotel or food provided by Mephone during the show. Some goes for hunting. Making basic tools? Only something Taco would have to do. Making a proper shelter that will keep them safe before they're able to make actual buildings? Again, Taco has already had to do that, so she's their best source of knowledge for it. They don't have much of a choice but to take her advice on things, but most of them don't trust her, or like her for that matter. So she ends up being stuck constantly interacting with everyone instead of being able to fade into the background behind Mic, constantly getting met with suspicion and scorn, regardless of her intention to actually help.

I'm not going to touch too deeply into her grief for Mepad here, since again that's what my current wip is about so I don't want to accidentally spoil everything, but I don't think she's gonna handle it well. Mepad was the only object she'd properly expressed her true feelings to, yeah? And with Mic, she's going to be walking on eggshells for quite some time trying to make sure she stays on her good side. She wouldn't be comfortable enough to talk about those feelings yet, at the very least until she's sure Mic won't leave her again. Pickle is out of the question of course, and she doesn't really know anyone else. She... really doesn't have an outlet for her grief.

I think Taco's reaction to meeting both Silver and Blueberry would be an interesting one. She'd be smart enough to pick up on the parallels, yeah? Since they know that they were made by Mephone now. Another british antagonist? Another very small contestant that winds up being a twist villain? That's got to be rough to see. Similar to how Box might feel if she ever puts together that Suitcase was a version 2.0 of her. Honestly, I can't even get into all my thoughts about how Taco is going to feel with having been made by Mephone, since I will never get off my soap box about her being one of if the most mistreated of all the contestants by Mephone. It would take me hours to write it out and I don't think anyone wants to hear that because I am very biased lol.

So, in Truth or Flare, Taco is very much aware that she is going to die. She doesn't believe Mephone will recover her, she is very aware that her injury is progressing to a dangerous state, she fully thinks she's going out permanently very soon. That my friends is called a dangerous disregard for personal safety, and happens often to people with very poor mental health and high amounts of self-loathing. Mepad had certainly helped but... he and Taco never did get to discuss how she'd been made. She'll always be wondering if Mepad would still believe in her like he had. And she's in a high-stress situation at the moment. The gist of what I'm trying to say is that I highly doubt Taco cares much more about her own well-being/life at this point than before. Her uncaringness before still applies, because she still thought she'd be dead forever.

Relating back to my first hc about Taco dealing with a lot of dislike from the others and suspicion when she tries to help, think about if something went wrong. If she gathered some berries that she'd grown a tolerance to intending to be the only one to eat them, but they're mistaken by someone else and a few unlucky objects end up vomiting. Even though she hadn't intended to cause harm and there had been a simple mistake, it would be taken by quite a few of the others as a sign that she's still trying to cause harm and isn't to be trusted. She has a long road ahead of her, yeah?

[the-s1lly-corner]

I've got an idea to propose! What if child!reader is taken in by the creepypastas (of your choosing) after being abandoned by their family? Small child, if you're comfortable! If not I totally understand Silly :>

Here's a 🍕 for your troubles!

Various crps taking in child!reader who gets abandoned

Oooohooohoo this prompt brings me back to old crp fandom... I miss it... or maybe that's just the nostalgia idk I only really stayed in the x reader circles

Characters: slenderman, splendorman, jeff the killer, Eyeless jack

Notes: gn reader, young child reader, platonic/familial post obviously, short and written on mobile, slender mansion au for funsies

CWs: mentions of canon typical violence and generally shity bio parent behavior

SLENDERMAN

He does at the very least stalk your family. Both to keep them away- they've already given you up. They don't get the right to come back for you. He already doesn't have much faith in humans and this.. certainly doesn't help..

He's cold. Not because he doesn't care for you but because he doesn't know how to really interact with non-killer humans on a personal level. Much less how to interact with a child

He checks in on you before you go to bed to make sure you're settling in nicely

It takes him a while and some prompting from others to figure out what exactly your needs are... and he does truly attempt to meet them in his own way

SPLENDORMAN

Great with kids, and he's going to calm you right down- and he's always going to be there for you moving forward.. he's not usually violent.. but there's a certain raw anger (and hurt) that sits in him when he finds out about your situation

Now does he confront and... go further.. with your family? Probably not. Doing that won't change your circumstances, at least it won't make them better

So he dedicates to trying to make you as comfortable in the mansion as possible- he knows the others can be a little scary but he'll show you they aren't gonna hurt you

Always always checks in on you every morning and night... reads you bedtime stories. And yes! He does voices and acts scenes out!

JEFF THE KILLER

When it gets out that your family willingly ditched you he's going to... pay them a little visit. He's a douchebag but he's not totally heartless. And he's SEETHING

Like sure he's not the best family member either but at least he can say he's never abandoned anyone- just domt.. bring up the murder-

He's more like an older brother or cousin figure to you than he is a parent. He's just.. not responsible enough to properly raise a kid on his own

Teaches you swear words and how to use knives. Obviously not.. the safest... at least you know how to defend yourself...? He definitely gets chewed out by someone else- the least he could do was wait until you were a little older

EYELESS JACK

The odds are you more than likely followed him... given that jack doesn't like being around others for his sake and everyone elses... he already feels shit about his current situation but he'd feel even WORSE if he dragged a kid into it

...buuuuut you followed him back to the mansion and- albeit with a lot of arguing you're allowed to stay. He's heavily considering dropping you off somewhere safe in town

Hes... not the most emotionally available parental figure for the longest time. He's responsible and he makes sure your basic survival needs are met

Lots and lots of awkwardness when trying to get you both comfortable... clearly doesn't know what he's doing.. needs time .. but he eventually pulls through

[ane-doodles]

Abut this 2024... Thanks to everyone

I wanted to sit down and write something for this end of the year full of surprises, please be patient with me because I am relying on a translator for this.

I recently decided to take a look at my blog posts this year, and boy have I seen some great things! Not only a significant improvement in my art, but seeing how I've dared to try new things and all the wonderful gifts I've received from all of you.

Starting with the fact that I probably wouldn't be here fulfilling my dreams and sharing my art if it weren't for all of you. Thanks to everyone who chipped in to help me with my PC, thanks to you I still have my job as a designer (hey surprise, I was the most active designer in the company this year :D), it has allowed me to do my research for my thesis, it has allowed me to dedicate myself to commissions as I have wanted for years and above all it has allowed me to share my art and improve significantly. Thank you.

I also want to thank everyone who wished me a happy birthday this year!! It was a bit of a complicated date at home and I spent weeks preparing my massive drawing attack (pt1 and pt2) … but I'm happy that everyone enjoyed it. Special thanks to the wonderful people who made me drawings QwQ, I promise to put them in my album one day. (There are a few more drawings missing from my pendrive, thanks to you too)

Special thanks also to everyone who attacked me during artfight!! I never expected so many people to shoot me with so much art, so many different styles that I really appreciate (my mom says she wants to frame some of them haha). I also got the chance to attack a lot of people with art, it was fun and I got to experiment a lot with coloring techniques and learned to draw faster. (Special mention to the last drawing which is a gif and should be appreciated properly, loviu <3)

Thanks also to all of you who have enjoyed my little comics. These have been pure experiment, trial and error… And seeing your comments has brought me a happiness that I can't describe (I want to talk about this later in another post, in the meantime let's continue with my cheesy stuff)

Special thanks to @/the-one-who-lambs (I'm embarrassed to tag >///<)who made me take up one of my old hobbies that I had abandoned years ago, now I have two giant bags of stuffing in my room for future use :3

Special mention to all of you who decided to commission me for art this year… You have been a special blessing in my home. Thanks to you and those who sometimes stop by my redbubble store I have been able to help out around the house and yesterday (after more than nine years) I was able to take my family out to eat and buy new clothes for the new year. Thank you.

And well, to finish I also want to thank all the friends, artists and in general everyone I have met during this year. In my life I never thought I would get to talk to someone behind the screen, much less with people I don't know in person or that I admire… It's still difficult for me but little by little I have been learning and I have gathered the courage for small conversations and interactions. I have received words of encouragement, questions, casual conversations, compliments and advice, and I can't think of anything that I value more than this, especially for someone who rarely leaves home but enjoys sharing their art with the world.

This year I have experienced so many new things that I can hardly imagine what surprises next year will bring. In the meantime I promise to put more effort into my art! try new things! try to interact more! (please be patient with me) and above all have fun with all of you.

Thank you all very much

[pokemonshelterstories]

Even after reading your FAQ and a bunch of asks you've answered, I'm still not sure if a shelter blog is the best place to ask this, so do feel free to delete this (or tell me privately that you won't post it, but only if you have the time and energy), but I can't think of anyone else, and if you do post it, you or some of your followers might have some interesting thoughts, so here goes:

How would you feel about using Pokeballs to catch Pokémon you're planning to eat?

For context, I and my siblings grew up in a small, mostly off-grid community, and while most details aren't relevant, we did hunt for food occasionally. We never used pokeballs, but instead bow and arrow, fishing rods, nets and traps.

These days I live closer to a big city, sharing a house with my brother, his husband, and their teenage son (my other nibling, their older child, has moved out a while ago, so they're not part of this story).

Last month, we visited the community my brother and I grew up in, and during our two week stay, I took my nephew on a hunting trip. He was decently enthusiastic to train his archery, but he asked why we don't just use pokeballs. Wouldn't it be easier? I didn't have an answer for him then, only that we'd been taught this way and that I'd never considered using pokeballs.

But I've been thinking about it. It would be easier, but wouldn't it also be more cruel? After all, by catching it in a pokeball, you're giving the pokemon false hope of a nice life with a trainer, only to then kill it. I feel like killing it quickly while it's still in the wild and doesn't know any better is more, like, honest maybe?

What do you or your followers think?

(If any angry vegans find this post, don't even waste your energy on a mean response or lecture, because most likely I have you blocked already, and if I don't, I'll correct that when I see you being rude to me)

oooh, this is an interesting ask to get...

i think this is really more of a matter of personal comfort with the idea of eating a pokemon that's been caught in a ball, but as long as it's done properly, i don't see anything wrong with it. after all, pokemon for the most part don't really have any concept of what's going to happen to them in the future.

as someone who hunts, you (i assume) understand our duty to give the pokemon we eat as painless of a death as possible. then, as trainers, we have a duty to maintain the 5 freedoms for our pokemon, which includes freedom from psychological stress. provided you meet those requirements, i think it's ok to catch a pokemon in a pokeball for the sake of eating it. it's more humane than certain types of traps that leave the pokemon struggling until the hunter comes to check them, and pokemon tend to relax in pokeballs, since they mimic the way pokemon curl up when healing. when the pokemon is released from its ball, you then just need to humanely slaughter it. there are some pokemon that i wouldn't do this with, since they don't immediately take well to being caught in a ball; buneary is a good example. but many common game pokemon do just fine.

i've actually used a different tool to help out with culling food pokemon- my styler! there are a lot of farms out near artazon, and rangers do sometimes get asked to help with keeping livestock mons calm in the moments leading up to slaughter. i've met rangers who aren't comfortable taking on those cases, and i've definitely gotten fussed at by my share of pokemon rights activists, but i think pokemon raised as food deserve as calm of an environment as possible. so, no, i dont think using pokeballs to trap game is cruel as long as you know what you're doing and don't stress the pokemon out. but if you're used to the way you already do things, don't feel like you have to change it up either.

[suddencolds]

a personal milestone 🥳 + author's note

i finally made it 😭 (there is probably another 10k sitting in my drafts, but i have always tracked word count for this project as a sum of already-published installments)

also a (somewhat long) journal entry below:

—

This has been the main project in my life for almost two years, now (I started writing on 1.26.2023). It's my first proper attempt at a novel, and it's one of my first times ever posting original work anywhere 😭

It's hard to say how I feel now, perhaps because I feel too much.

Where to go from here? I considered dropping the series entirely before I hit the milestone because I was very tired. In a way, I felt like I had said everything I wanted to say. But I think I also love this series a lot more than I can properly verbalize.

To be completely honest, writing this series was so lonely. To work for so long on something that I could not show to nearly anyone irl (not family, not close friends, not peers, not strangers I met who I talked to about art); to spend hundreds of hours on something that I could only ever post to a small subset of people... all of that was very lonely. I'm sure other creatives have felt this way too.

And at the same time, hearing what people on snzblr thought became probably the most potent source of happiness in my life (is that pathetic? Maybe so.) I don't think this project was self-sustaining at all; I think to some extent, I wrote it because I wanted to hear people tell me that they liked it. I realize this is a terrible and unsustainable reason to create art, but that's the truth.

On some level, though, I kept writing because I loved Y+V. They've been at the forefront at my life for almost two years now 😭 I spent a long time teaching myself how to write them, and a lot of the themes & choices in the series are quite personal. Embarrassingly, I still want to talk about Y+V all the time.

When I posted to ask if I could send my unfinished/unpolished WIPs, some people reached out to offer to read them... and then I never sent anything over to anyone. I think a part of me could not get it through my head that people would be willing to read something completely unpolished, because... well, frankly, a lot of my drafts are just pretty unreadable; I typically only post things that I have already cleaned up. More importantly, I felt like sending my drafts to people—even people who had given me explicit permission to send them!—was selfish and troublesome.

On some level, I also felt the same about asking others to brainstorm with me: I felt like I was asking them a favor which I did not know how to pay back. Perhaps this is just another way in which I have been cruel/uncharitable to myself, but I never imagined people enjoying receiving my drafts. I could never convince myself that for those people, giving feedback/discussing ideas might not actually be a chore. I was always scared to make writing less of a lonely process because I could only think about how easy it would be for me to ask too much.

This is probably the most honest I've been about this particular subject 😭 I am not good at gauging what constitutes 'too much.' I feel like I can get carried away when someone expresses interest, so I try to preemptively position myself as someone who does not impinge on others... I think that even outside of this series, I have defaulted to this pattern of trying to give and trying not to ask. In that particular sense, I am perhaps to blame for my own loneliness.

Anyways! Recently, I've gone back to (tentatively) writing after months of not writing. I'm not sure if I will post another installment here (maybe if the drafts are 'good enough', I will?), but it's nice to write without worrying so much that what I am writing needs to be publishable/presentable.

If you have ever left tags/comments on my work, and you are reading this, I am grateful beyond words to you for keeping me company + for making me feel like what I was spending so much time on was a little more meaningful :') I always go back to reread them when I'm in need of encouragement. Thank you sincerely for the happiness. ❤️

[waltwhitmansbeard]

3, 8, or 10 with dorym please? Whichever sparks your creativity more!

8. letting them collapse against your chest the second they make it through the door after a hellish day i didn't know which ask meme you were referring to so i guessed lol. setting this in a hypothetical post-c3

Zephrah makes Dorian nervous. It's not the people—every person he's met here has been the nicest person he's ever met in his life, and they've all gone out of their way to make him feel at home. It's not the culture, either, which is much quieter and more peaceful than the Silken Squall, just the way Dorian likes it. It's not not the rift to the Elemental Plane, but he's pretty sure that the Ashari have that covered, so he's not too worried.

It's Orym. He's a hero of them realm, a Very Important Person, not just to the Voice of the Tempest, but to all of Exandria. So is Dorian, who is technically—not technically, Orym would say, you're a big damn hero—but here, it's all Orym, all the time. And Dorian is not complaining; it's about time the world gave Orym his flowers, and besides, despite being a performer, Dorian's never reveled in the attention of others.

But all eyes being on Orym means that Dorian's actions reflect on him, and he's terrified of fucking things up for him. Orym has a big position with the Tempest Blades now—Dorian's definitely been told what it is, and he definitely can't remember—and the last thing Dorian wants to do is embarrass him or make the other Blades wonder where he found this blue dork he brought hom.

So mostly he stays home, the little cottage Orym once shared with Will and now shares with Dorian. There are echoes of Will all over the home—his winter clothes in storage, his training sword leaning against the fireplace, his aftershave beneath the bathroom sink—and Dorian is still figuring out how to settle in without erasing his memory. He's learned a lot about Will through the things he left behind, and he's bummed that he's never going to get to meet him. He's pretty sure they would have gotten along.

Like now, when the door to the cottage swings open and a haggard, exhausted Orym limps in, his Sentinel Shield dragging behind him. Dorian leaps off the sofa, where he had been noodling on his lute, a love song he now feels more qualified to sing. "Orym! Is everything okay? You look..." Better to let that though trail off than sound like a dick.

Instead of answering, Orym crashes headfirst into Dorian, who drops to his knees to hug him properly. He can feel every tense muscle in Orym's back loosen as he sighs into Dorian's chest. Dorian cups the back of his head, the other hand splayed across his back to keep him close. "Oh boy, you've had a day, haven't you?"

Orym tips his head to the side just enough to murmur, "I've been through worse, but gods, it doesn't feel like it."

Dorian presses a kiss to the top of Orym's head. "I'm sorry." Then he says something so wholly out of character that he catches himself by surprise. "Need me to crack some skulls?"

Orym stiffens, and Dorian could kick himself. Crack some skulls? Dorian has never said such a thing in his life, and now he's freaked Orym out, because he's a moron who doesn't know what he's doing—

Orym snorts out a laugh, straightening up to smile wryly at Dorian. "Y'know, Will used to say the exact same thing to me, whenever I was cranky."

Oh. "I...didn't know that."

"It's nice to hear it again." Orym kisses his cheek. "I think I'll take a rain check on the skull-cracking. Want to join me for a bath?"

Dorian's face instantly goes hot at the suggestion and warmth in Orym's voice. "Um, yeah, of course. You go run the water, I'll grab us some wine."

"Sounds good." And Orym kisses him again, on the lips this time, tired but smiling. As he trudges off toward the bathroom, Dorian stands and walks shell-shocked to the kitchen. Pulling wine glasses down from their cabinet, he finds himself thinking of Will—or maybe to Will, as if he were praying. Thanks for showing me what to say.

"You comin'?" comes the call from the bathroom.

"On my way!" Dorian pops the cork on a bottle of red, breathes in the fragrant bouquet. I just want to take care of him. I think we both know how much he deserves it. He heads toward the sound of running water, and he swears for a moment he feels a strong, broad hand rest on his shoulder. Dorian smiles, and he thinks that maybe he'll be able to do right by Orym after all.

[twopoppies]

Hi Gina!! First of all, I wanted to thank you and Daisie and everyone else here for the amazing Larry masterlist. I'm a new larrie myself, though I've been around the fandom since 2011 (tho not super closely) when WMYB MV was released. I was deep diving on receipts, and as per usual, I took it all in with a grain of salt and kept all my conclusions rational and unbiased. I just wanna add something you might consider a receipt, connecting to one of the tour receipts ones I’ve read on Daisie’s tags (I dove into both yours and Daisie’s tags lol). This isn't so big and new at all but I thought I'd add. Sorry in advance if I am too vague with this lol

A quick context: I had worked with small event productions here in my country, and had become pretty close with suppliers (tech, security, venue, etc). I got curious about an entry I read from your receipts tag which happened in an international tour here. Anyway, I am pretty close with our security supplier, and I thought I'd check if there were traces of them working with the boys. After a few google search, I saw them with Louis on a video during his tour here - confirming that at least for that show, they did work with Louis. He has been very open to me ever since we met, so when I DMed him about being involved in the show, he enthusiastically answered that they did all 1D-related ones in the country.

Anyway, bottomline, I tried to ask if it's true that Louis was here during Harry's concert because I've kind of heard it somewhere (being the receipt I read from Daisies' account). That’s when he got weirdly super silentl and left me on ‘seen’/‘read’ (which had never happened EVER before). I waited with the chat box open; he se seemed type after a few mins - and then stopped completely. When I realized he (c)wouldn't reply, I didn't push it and said he doesn't have to respond and that I respect if he’s bound by certain contracts. After that, he immediately replied, basically just saying "Thank you" (for understanding, essentially). We just chatted a bit more before ending the convo.

So I guess I'd say it somewhat solidifies that theory in my head because I personally know them, and if there's really something super big they cannot share at all, they WONT. I knew there was something because it was almost comical for me how he suddenly left me on ‘read’. So if it's not a big deal at all he would've shared because we've talked about other works they've done in the past (he was so enthusiastic and shared all the names of the shows they've done with 1D a few mins prior lol) - but when I specifically asked if Louis was with Harry here for his tour, he immediately closed off and stopped replying - and THEN thanked me when I said he didn’t have to reply lol (I didn’t ask anything else, just that exact wording, straightforwardly asking if L was there during H's show, and I didn’t phrase it in a playful or teasing way like I am implying there’s smth gossip-worthy between them I'm fishing out of him)

ANYWAY, I’m not even sure if this is worth posting but I needed someone to share it with and I thought it could be like a backup info for the future hahahaha I am trying to be vague because I do want to protect myself and my (in a way) source (?). But if you need any clarification from me - I’d be open to elaborate more in the dms (I’m rusty with tumblr so I hope I can navigate this properly lol)

Ofc, a part of me wish I could've gotten something, but I also respect them for staying quiet. And even if they did share something big, I might've had second thoughts on sharing bcs I was mainly asking it for my own sanity tbh, knowing that I knew who the security team was lol So I guess my point of sharing this with you is to basically share that the usual NDA thing with H&L, whether as a whole 1D unit before or as solos, is definitely enforced here. That the silence somewhat solidified my belief of other Larry receipts such as 1.) in relation to the Argentinian security confessions, and 2.) the receipts pointing out that those two fly together sometimes in the tours.

Idk if this is worth posting at all, but I just really needed to let it because I feel like I might be getting biased but also not (it was very fishy for me for sure lol). Thank you!

Hi, darling. No, it’s totally worth posting! I agree with you that it says something without saying anything. Are you able to tell me what year you were asking about? Or what country? I won’t post anything you don’t want public.

I’m really glad to hear that people take their NDAs seriously and even if it was from years ago they would still be professional about it.

Thank you so much for sharing this. If you think of anything else you can add, LMK. Or send me a DM. I’ll keep it private. 🩷

[weebsinstash]

So fandom specific posts are to follow eventually, but this is going to be a general concept. I've been thinking A LOT on alternative takes to the red string of fate trope and I started wondering about a hypothetical idea of the strings changing in appearance based on the current health and mental well being of the person they're attached to, even to the point where the strings do not properly appear if you're in bad mental health

For example, some of these AUs have the string where you have to think about it to summon it whenever and you can follow it as long as you want, and some have the string only appear when you are within a certain proximity to your other half

First and foremost, what if, when your string appears, you could make it vanish again at will. Not like permanantly, but like, say, if your string keeps appearing and you don't want it to be used to track your physical location, you have to concentrate similar to using a specific muscle and you can "force them back" so they can't find you. Just imagining the growing frustrations of a yandere who has to wait until you fall asleep to even make progress on your actual location because otherwise it's, them summoning your string for about .5 seconds before you notice and shut that shit off immediately, like two people on opposite ends of the room both toggling switches for the same light

But anyways, back to the alternative appearance strings, could you then imagine a scenario where, your yandere has their string appear and after a certain length, it changes colors for the rest of the strand, signifying your string and your own well-being, and the color immediately signifies something incredibly serious and worrying to them that immediately has them speeding to your side to check on you even if they've never met you before, regardless of if it's a couple blocks over or if they have to follow that string across the world. And then you can pair that with the "string blocking" idea and you have an extremely frantic yandere who is freaking out, "my soulmate is in trouble, why won't they let me come help them?! This is why they need me!!!" Amd they KNOW you are deliberately holding them off so, whatever aspects from that, whether it's a sadistic yandere who is amused by your spunk, or a nurturing yandere who automatically takes this as affirmation that you're just a sweet nervous little bean who needs their guidance, look at you being so scared of your own soulmate you silly little goose--

I only have two alternative colors, technically three different ideas total, but, I considered the idea of someone's string slowly turning white and becoming more visibly frayed if someone is seriously ill and or dying, eventually snapping and disappearing upon true death, and I thought it would be interesting if this "physical health symptom" also manifested for suicidal thoughts and suicidal ideation. Your yandere has your half of the string appear connected to theirs and they IMMEDIATELY know you're in trouble and they come to find you at all costs and you're... so depressed you can't even be excited to meet them and may even still want to die and just tell them to go away. Your yandere all but kicks down your door, "honey I'm here and I'm ready to love you!

Continuing from that last point, the other idea I'm really growing attached to that is probably my favorite is the idea of the BLUE string of fate: a string that appears on someone who is currently not within the right mental state to be in love or needs some sort of help or time to heal from a trauma before they are ready. Your other half tries to summon their string? The other end of it cuts off mid-air and hangs off their hand, leading nowhere, useless, unable to be followed, only a couple inches of blue their only hint if they even have a soulmate at all, but it can't lead them to you, driving them crazy who you are and where you are

I also considered the idea for alternate colors if two people are soulmates but they have, shall we say, an alternative dynamic? Like you could also technically use the blue string (although i personally think green or elsewise for this example would work better) for like, two aromantic people who are platonic soulmates or that have some incredibly strong nonromantic nonsexual love for someone? Or if you had, say, an aroace or just aro person and their soulmate was an allosexual of some kind. Idk it just sounds intriguing to play around with the concepts since you know, there's more than just romantic and platonic love and it can be an extremely nuanced feeling and love also doesn't inherently translate into sexual desires as another aspect and in this essay I will--

Either way, I feel like once I interact with certain tropes for another years, I wanna start throwing some seasonings in there. Spice up this bitch and saute it. I'm out here giving ABO a broader range of vocalizations to the point Omega can make clicking "distress call" noises to signal for help when trapped or injured. I'm over here "what if scenting could be done with any physical touch and the nature of the scent can be intentionally controlled to convey certain feelings so your yandere Alpha could give you a friendly shoulder pat and suddenly you're walking around with Don't Touch My Mate Or I'll Fucking Kill You scent all over you and you have no idea"

I just. Final thing. Can you imagine being in the same room as your yandere and, THEY KNOW they feel some sort of attraction to you they can't explain, but you dont really talk or make any effort to interact with them, and one day you overhear your yandere talking about how they don't have a soulmate yet and they summon their string and half of it is blue and here you are, subtly sneaking out of the room, staring down at your own cobalt thread and wondering, "am I.... THEIR...?"and deciding to intentionally keep it a secret, but eventually you two grow close enough or, someone says something to you that opens your heart and let's you love yourself enough that, a tiny voice inside of you is like "yeah... I WOULD like a partner to spend time and laugh with, i want to koge and im ready to take the risk" and your yandere literally watches your string, and by extension the string on the other end of theirs, completely change colors and finally fully connect, so then you have the slow burn, kind of one sided pining that absolutely explodes in intensity once your yandere finds out it was you all along

Just might be a couple of fun concepts to play around with in the future. You guys know I love drama...

[bow-of-aros]

What do you want, Pete?

I decided to just say fuck it and post this here in its entirety just for funsies :))

Summary:

What if the thing that Peter Spankoffski treasured most wasn't Stephanie Lauter, but instead his older brother who'd gone missing months ago?

Guys. I've gone literally insane over this series. Ted and Peter are so babygirl to me I love them so much. I just. ALDSJDKSJLDAJKSJK you know?? Anyway, enjoy this idea that took over my brain until I got it out!! <33

One of you must give up the thing you treasure above all else. 

Those words ring in Peter’s ears. Vaguely, he can hear Steph offer something with a very unpleased reception that makes him cringe out of some deep-seated survival instinct, and he feels fingers that are longer than they should be and uncannily boneless card through his hair.

“Steph?”

His voice reverberates through his head as though coming from underwater. His eyes land on the gun in her lap, and something in the back of his mind whispers danger!

It’s drowned out by the crash of memories that yell TED!

Ted Spankoffski, Pete’s older brother by over a decade and the only family member who’d ever bothered to give half a shit about him. Their parents had dropped Peter off at his doorstep at the ripe young age of six, right when they realized that a second child wasn’t going to be the thing that saved their failing marriage and fucked off to who knows where. The only contact he had with them was when they sent Ted money to put towards supporting a whole ass other person when he was just barely out of college.

Every time he met someone, they would raise their eyebrows and say, “Spankoffski? Like Ted Spankoffski?” and then pat him on the shoulder sympathetically when he said yes. Pete always had to push down the anger that threatened to bubble up because, yeah, Ted could be an asshole, but nobody even bothered to know him before making their fucking judgments.

Ted had had a shitty life, with the same shitty parents Peter had, and then had a child dumped on him before he’d even had the chance to properly figure out who he was.

By all accounts, Ted should’ve been an awful guardian, and it’s what everyone seemed to assume. But damn if he hadn’t done his best.

He’d driven Peter to school until he was old enough to take the bus on his own. He’d shown up to every science fair and asked a shitload of questions just to make Peter smile as he answered them. He dressed Peter up for every pointless graduation and cheered embarrassingly loudly when his little brother walked across the stage.

When Pete got older, Ted had been the person to cut his hair and take him shopping for new clothes when he first came out as trans. He’d sat the kid down and told him that he’d always have Ted, and always have a room in his apartment. Then, he’d added that if any of Peter’s dork-ass friends ever needed a place to crash, that the door was always open.

A few months ago, Ted had left mid-hookup with Charlotte Sweetly to pick up a bruised and bloodied Peter from school. He’d almost made it through the school day before bumping into Max Jägerman on the way out and Ted had made it across town in an amount of time that had to have been illegal. They’d spent the rest of the night after getting Pete patched up and sitting on the couch watching trashy TV, Ted muttering increasingly absurd threats of violence towards someone half his age the whole time until Peter finally cracked a smile.

The next morning, Peter Spankoffski had woken up, and his brother wasn’t there.

It wasn’t a big deal at first. Ted might’ve gone to work early (unlikely) or met up with a friend (what friend?). But, after hundreds of unread texts and unanswered calls, Peter asking anyone he could think of if they’d seen Ted to no avail, and waiting up every night until he passed out from sheer exhaustion, straining his ears for footsteps that never came, well…

It’s Hatchetfield. People go missing every day.

“Pete?” A hand on his shoulder ripped him back to the present, and Peter scrubbed away tears as he looked at Steph’s terrified face.

He turned his face away from her.

He blinked.

And he found himself looking into the glowing yellow eyes of the crazy-ass goat man who seemed to already know him. T’noy Karaxis, a voice whispered into his ear, a foreboding sense of familiarity washing over him, making his blood run cold.

The Lord in Black grinned impossibly wide at him, blue tongue lolling out and the stench of death radiating off of it.

“Hi Petey-pie!” It laughed, and the laugh grated against his hears for seconds and for eons, “I think that I know what you want~”

Its voice had a horrible sing-song quality to it, like someone who’s thrilled to know a secret that you don’t. The longer that Peter looked into its eyes, the harder his head pounded. Its rectangular pupils stretched far and wide, twisting into never-ending corridors that sent bursts of pain through him as his brain tried to wrap itself around the impossibilities.

“HEY!” The hand on his shoulder yanked him back, the paths of yellow fading as he saw Steph standing between him and that monster. “Leave him alone! What the fuck is your deal?!”

Its smile didn’t fade and Peter could feel its eyes burning into him even through the girl in front of him. The intensity only increased when he blinked to find Wiggly standing next to him, beaming with the sort of glee he would attribute to a kid on Christmas morning.

“Now, now,” He chided, “I’ve convinced my brother here to give up something very dear to him and it wouldn’t be nice if my little fwendy wend didn’t hear him out.”

Peter tried to smile reassuringly at Steph, but the It’s okay, I can do this that he’d wanted to convey had probably leaned more into Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. Either way, she seemed to understand what he was getting at and stepped out of the way.

The second she did, a bright yellow flash blinded him. He could feel reality warp around him as the chilling screams from across hundreds of thousands of universes converged in this one fragile moment. When Peter opened his eyes again, blinking away the dots seared into his vision, what he saw nearly brought him to his knees.

Ted looked exactly as he did the last night they saw each other save for the tear tracks that streamed down his cheeks, soaking his shirt.

His brother looked up and a small gasp escaped his lips.

“Petey?”

Suddenly, this ritual meant nothing. The Lords in Black and Max Jägerman and this whole fucking town could go fuck themselves because Peter wasn’t alone anymore.

“Ted! Holy shit!” Neither of them mentioned how Peter’s voice cracked as he launched himself into his brother’s arms, sobbing into his chest as familiar arms wrapped around him and held him so tight he felt like he might explode. Finally, finally, he was safe.

“How touching.”

Except he wasn’t.

Their arms tightened impossibly more around each other as they looked up at Wiggly through teary eyes, clinging onto the flimsy hope that they wouldn’t be separated again if they could only will it hard enough.

Surprisingly, it was Ted who spoke first, “What the fuck do you want with my brother you sick fucks?! AM I NOT FUCKING ENOUGH FOR YOU?!”

Wiggly didn’t bother to acknowledge the outburst, attention solely fixed on Peter, green light seeping out of him and into the teenager’s pores, filling every inch of him with a sense of wrong.

“This is the other option,” The Lord’s eyes shone as maliciousness seeped into its voice, “Tinky has enough Teds to last him a good, long while, but things will be a little empty without him there. So, if you want us to take Maxwell off your plate, you can trade him,” A crooked finger pointed at Steph, “for her.”

Immediately, Peter and Ted started talking over each other.

“What?! I don’t even know where he’s been—”

“She’s a fucking child you can’t put her in the Box—”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Wiggly silenced them both. His wrathful tone is in stark contrast to the rest of the Lords grinning and dancing behind him.

He stared down at them, “Alright, let’s make this a little more interesting. If you don’t want to trade him in, you have to send him back. You need to say the words I condemn my big brother to an eternity of torture to save a girl who talked to me for the first time a few weeks ago.”

Wiggly’s arms were spread wide, palms up like a benevolent god, “Your choice, Peter. Of course,” He said, walking back over to Steph, “You won’t have to give up your brother if she puts a bullet through your skull. Just think, you could set your brother free, and you have options!”

A cacophony of laughter echoed through the gym, rattling their bones and reverberating against the crash of thunder that sounded outside.

“We’ll leave you to decide. Hopefully, Maxy doesn’t get you first!”

And then they vanish, but not without Tinky leering at the still entangled brothers and whispering Tick-fucking-tock.

Silence rings through the space, the only thing keeping Pete grounded being the warmth of his brother at his side. Steph is looking down at the gun in her trembling hands, tears slowly starting to drip from her eyes as Grace just stares down at the Black Book, blood drained from her face and seemingly catatonic.

“Pete. Petey.” Ted turns to look him in the eye and there’s something achingly different. Aside from the sliver of yellow that rings his pupils, they look so old and so scared. Like he’s been away for decades instead of months, seeing things no one should ever have to see.

And from what he’s heard, that might not be too far off.

Still, Ted pressed his lips into a firm line to steady his voice before saying, “You have to send me back. The Box is no place for a kid and you will not fucking die, do you hear me?!”

No matter how tight Ted is holding on, Peter can still feel how he’s shaking, can still hear the slight break in his voice as Ted’s eyes dart frantically across his face, drinking in the sight of the brother he thought he’d never see again.

“I can’t. I can’t.” He’s crying again, but Peter can’t be bothered to give a damn right now, “I love you. You’ve been gone for months and it’s been horrible. I can’t do this without you Teddy.”

Ted flinched at that, squeezing his eyes shut and taking in a shaky breath as emotions flickered across his face too quickly for Peter to decipher.

“I love you too, Pete. That’s why I can’t let you be fucking stupid, okay?!” Ted ran a hand through his already disheveled hair, “I don’t know what the fuck is going on here, but you have to let me protect you. Send me back and never even think about the Lords in Black again, graduate high school and live your life and date Stephanie fucking Lauter.”

At her name, Peter’s eyes flickered up.

He looked at her.

He looked at the gun in her hands.

He looked back at his brother.

“You’ve protected me my whole life. It’s my fucking turn.”

Peter disentangled himself from Ted despite his frantic protests and ran up to Steph, wrapping his hands around hers and, subsequently, curling her fingers around the gun.

“Steph—” He was cut off almost immediately.

“No. Nonononono Pete I won’t. I can’t.” She pleaded with him, “Trade me in, I don’t have anything left here anymore. My dad’s dead, I never really had any friends, and any potential I had went down the gutter years ago."

Her gaze flickered over to Ted who was not-so-subtly trying to inch closer to Grace and the Book, much to Grace’s growing annoyance. “But you can get your brother back! I know how much you’ve missed him, how much he means to you. You’re going to make a real difference, Pete. You have shit to live for and I don’t.”

Ted was walking up to them now, having given up on Grace, and seeing how determined he was to keep them safe only solidified the decision he’d already made.

“Look. I’m not sending either of you into whatever Hell dimension Ted literally just got out of.” Peter turned to face them both, speaking fast and leaving no room for interruption, “I’ll let Max kill me before I do that to either of you. I’m dying either way, let me at least do something good with it.”

Something shifted in Steph’s face, a realization that Peter wouldn’t be swayed, and she nodded shakily as she adjusted her grip on the gun.

“Do it, Steph. Please.”

He took a few steps back, ignoring Ted’s desperate Nononono Petey you can’t fucking do this! He tried to rush forward, but Steph raised the gun and aimed it right at Peter’s forehead.

BANG!

A force knocked Peter down, sending him to the ground as pain exploded through the back of his head.

Wait. The back?

Peter fought through the swimming in his head to pry his eyes open just to see that what was weighing him down actually wasn’t the darkness coming to claim him.

It was Ted.

“Ow! Ow ow ow fucking OW!” Ted rolled off from on top of his younger brother, clutching at his shoulder, “Your aim is fucking shit, Lauter! Jesus Christ.”

Peter quickly scrambled to his knees, hovering over his brother who had just taken a bullet for him, tears welling up again for the millionth time, because apparently today was the day for it.

“Shit Ted!” He wasted no time in ripping off his sweater, leaving him in his white collared shirt, and pressing it to the rapidly bleeding wound in his shoulder, “You dumbass! What the fuck were you thinking?!”

And Ted laughed at him, “What the fuck was I thinking? What the fuck were you thinking?! That bullet wasn’t even going to hit you in the head!” Peter pressed down a little harder and Ted hissed out a breath from between his teeth, “Holy shit being shot hurts more than I thought it was going to and I have had a lot of shit done to me.”

“What are you talking abou—”

“Well, well, well,” Thunder rumbled through the gym, seemingly disregarding trivial things like walls and ceilings in its volume, “Look at what we have here.”

“Oh God. He’s here.” Steph crowded up against Peter and Ted, shielding them with her body as Peter desperately tried to keep the pressure firm with his shaking hands.

“I didn’t know that there were two dork-ass Spankoffskis!” Max walked out from behind the bleachers, a mock pout sitting on his lips, “But I was really hoping that Steph was going to make my job a little easier and get rid of the little bitch. Too bad, now it looks like I get to kill two for the price of one!”

“But first,” His hand whipped out unnaturally fast, grabbing hold of Steph and throwing her off to the side, “I’m going to deal with you. You lured me to my death! You betrayed me, you fucking Judas!”

“Your brother’s going to be just fine, Peter.” The nurse looked down at him with sympathetic eyes as he hunched over Ted’s hospital bed in the uncomfortable plastic chair that seemed to be mandatory for some insane reason. “He got lucky and the bullet didn’t hit any major arteries. Maybe you should go home and get some rest. Take a shower, get a change of clothes, we’ll keep an eye on him until you get back.”

“So you do know the Bible!” Oh. So that’s where Grace went.

---------------------------------------------------

Even the thought of letting Ted out of his sight drenched him with fear, so he squeezed Ted’s hand tighter and said, “No, thank you. I think I’m going to stay here until he wakes up if that’s alright.”

For a brief second, Peter could’ve sworn that he saw a brief flash of annoyance accompanied by a yellow shine in his eyes before it was gone and an understanding grin took its place. It was so convincing that Peter almost started questioning whether he was losing it but, after everything he’d been through recently, he wasn’t going to be taking any chances.

The door swung open and in walked Steph wearing mismatched clothes from the lost and found and trying to dry off her damp hair.

“Hey, Pete.” She said, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, “He wake up yet?”

His eyes fell back onto his brother. Even asleep he looked exhausted, deep lines worried into his skin that hadn’t been there before. When was the last time he’d gotten some rest?

Peter shook off the question, adding it to the pile of shit he was going to be asking Ted when he woke up.

“No. Not yet.”

She pulled back with a slight wrinkle of her nose, “Yeah, well, no offense Pete, but you fucking reek. I left a pile of clothes that I think might fit you on the chair, so please go take a quick shower. I don’t care if all you do is rinse yourself off, you have to do something.”

“But—” He didn’t get very far before Steph gathered his free hand in hers.

“I promise I won’t let anything happen to him, okay?” Steph looked him in the eye, “Pete. I won’t even blink until you get back, I promise.”

And, you know what? He believed her.

Peter gathered up the clothes with a grateful smile and a quick glance at Ted who was still lying there, “I swear to God, Ted, if you’re not still here when I come back I am going to climb into that Box and kill you myself.”

The hospital walls were bright and seemingly endless and too close to the labyrinth he’d seen in that thing's eyes, so it was a relief when he turned into the washroom and locked himself into a shower stall.

There was a mirror in there and wow he looked like shit, no wonder people kept telling him to take a shower. But something was off, and as he looked a little closer, Peter realized that his eyes weren’t the usual brown.

Instead, they were a bright yellow.

His reflection grinned at him, and that stink of death roiled over him as it spoke.

“Just you wait, Petey-Pie! Soon, I’ll have you and my precious Teddy Bear back in my collection.” His skin started peeling from his face as his jaw stretched until it dislocated and then kept going until a long blue tongue spilled out, “Oh boy! We’re going to have so much fun.”

And then Peter blinked, and his own pale, terrified expression stared back at him again. Brown eyes and all.

The worst part was that he could still smell it. He must’ve taken the fastest shower of his life, scrubbing himself until he was nearly raw before throwing the clothes onto his still-soaked body and rushing back to Ted’s hospital room.

He crashed through the door, heart pounding, just to see Ted and Steph exactly where he’d left them.

Except, Ted looked over at him with a weak smile and Peter nearly collapsed in relief.

His brother extended an arm in invitation and Peter basically dove into the bed beside him, holding on tight and telling his racing heart to calm the fuck down because Ted was here.

“Hey, Petey.”

Ah, shit. More tears. Because of fucking course there would be.

Peter managed a wobbly grin because everything was finally as it should be and said, “Hey, Ted.”

It was a nice moment until Steph cleared her throat a little pointedly, causing both Spankoffski’s to jolt guiltily.

“Jeez, Pete.” Ted jostled him a bit, mindful of his healing shoulder, “You’re a terrible fucking host. Aren’t you going to introduce me to your girlfriend?”

Peter went to sit up, and Ted’s arm tightened instinctively before letting him go, even though they didn’t fully break contact. “Yeah. Yeah! Uh, Ted, this is Steph.” Steph waved with a fond smile on her face, “And Steph, this is my brother, Ted.”

Ted reached out with his good hand, “Nice to meet you. Kind of insane that my brother managed to pull someone so far out of his league, but you’ve got a good guy on your hands.”

“Nice to meet you too,” Steph had to raise her voice to be heard over Peter’s groan, “And I know, Mr. Spankoffski, I’m just happy that he decided to give me a chance.”

“Oh God, kid, don’t call me that. My name’s Ted.”

As Peter listened to them talk, he laid his head on his brother’s chest, revelling in them all being alive. As sleep overtook him, the melodic harmonies of Ted’s heartbeat and the clock on the wall settled within him. A promise that they would make it through.

Thump-thump.

Tick. Tock.

[danrifics]

15 years is a long time...

I've been lucky enough to be here for about 13 of those years and while I didn't get myself too involved in the phandom until 2019, outside of religiously watching phan proof when i was 16, Dan and Phil have been there on my screens since i was a teenager. Their videos quite literally raised me. I would sit and listen to the radio show every week and my friends and I would post about it on facebook, those post still haunt me to this day and make me feel incredibly old every time memories tell me how long ago it was.

I think today is really fitting for me to write a little personal essay on my journey and my feelings here, so i guess if you're interested then you can click the read more <3

I don't know if i fully have the words to describe properly what Dan and Phil and the Phandom mean to me, but i'll try. (I'm gonna do this in context of the last 5 years because that's when i've been most active and when I think they've impacted my life more than they ever did before.)

In 2019, I'd previously been in the Shadowhunters fandom, but as that show finished in May of that year I'd basically lost any form of fandom I had and I felt lost because fandoms are always a big part of my life and to suddenly feel like I didn't have one was hard so in June 2019 when Dan posted his coming out video everything suddenly clicked into place.

This was a community i'd loved from afar for many years and there was an opening for me to jump in. So I did. That was the best thing to ever happen to me. I'm not exaggerating, finding a place in this fandom changed my life for the better.

For the first time in my life I felt like I had friends online, from the first discord server i joined (TY LY Trashcans/ the phannie pack you'll always be famous) to Kris and Leo and to all the amazing mutuals I made, 2019 was really a cool time for me. Unfortunately a lot of these people have come and gone from my life but I often think back to what an impact they all had on me.

And then to my group now, the Rat Relaxation Chat (RRC!!!) without the hiatus ending I wouldn't be friends with any of you guys. See thats the thing, Dan and Phil didn't just bring themselves back into my life. They did something even better, brought the community back. The hiatus was hard, i've seen many of my mutuals just stop posting one day and never come back, it felt like every week we'd get smaller and smaller but then DAPG came back and so did a bunch of people and we even got some new faces and the community picked itself back up again.

As a result of that the RRC was born. For the first time in my life I was meeting my friends outside of discord, from WAD to TIT, Im literally gone end up having met all my best friends <3 (as well as so many mutuals)

I've loved so much over the last 5 years making gifs and memes and video edits and heartbreaking text posts. I'm so grateful for all the people who have ever follewed me, interacted with me, sent me hate messages, All the people who helped me make it possible for so many people to watch the WAD premiere, The people who help me with DGPdaily and the TIT blog.,The other amazing artists and gif makers and writers and archivists and anyone who has ever called themselves a phannie.

The Phandom is special, it's a community like no other. We really are a family, Dan and Phil really are our dads.

It's funny I stared this with full intentions of saying what Dan and Phil meant to me, but in the end it became all about the community they let us build. This is why I can't come up with enough words to tell them what they mean, because they mean the entire world to me because they created that world.

Dan and Phil are my friends, my best friends. They're my heros, the people I look up to most in the world because they make me feel safe and loved and I feel that love now more than I ever have before. Watching them grow older and gayer, watching the confidence grow over the years, watching them find themselves. Its a feeling like no other.

They deserve everything good in the world and i'm so glad to see them so happy and honest and open.

I don't know what the future holds for us but I know whatever it is is gonna be amazing and I hope I get to do this with you all for many more years to come.

15 years is a long time...