#because i'll be honest i've never really had much interest in doing any kind of s3 rewrite with rose
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Letter || J.O
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Synopsis: Jenna received a letter from you.
Warnings: Angst, rushed, mental illness, and bad writing.
Words: 2.9k
- 📜🎧🍂 -
"You were my everything, but I had to let you go for your own good. I know that sounds like a lame excuse, but I promise it isn't. I would've broken you, and I'd never forgive myself if I had messed up such a loving and pure soul. You need someone who can treat you right. And I'm incapable of doing that. I'm too caught up in my own shit that I barely make time for you. You don't need me. You might think you do, but I assure you, you don't. I'm not the person you think I am. I'm a fucked up mess who needs help but not from you. You have your own issues and having do deal with me will only drown you. I'm grateful for you. Really. You mean so much to me, so much more than you imagine. I don't want to let you go, but I have to. I'm losing myself. My mind don't ever shuts down. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't move from bed, I can't talk, I can't do anything. I barely had the strength to write this, but I'm doing it for you, because it'll selfish to disappear without telling you why. At least a part of it. Every interest I had don't mean anything to me anymore. But you do. You mean the world for me and I can't let that world fall apart simply because I am not well. You have your friends and there are the greatest, you have your family who is just as lovely. I'm also grateful for them. And a little jealous of them, because they have you. I'm learning how to heal but it's not easy. To be honest, I don't think I'll ever heal. My scars are part of me. I know scars fade but those ones are too deep, they're into me now, and that's alright. I'll learn how to live with them. Or I'll try to. You helped me so much without even knowing it. You saved me, Jenna, you're my savior. I've never connected with someone the way I have with you. When I looked into your eyes, that sudden sense of hope came to me, a sense that I could if I had you by my side. But no one should be responsible for someone else's life. You know I live for the little things in life, the sunrises at 6 a.m the sunsets at 6 p.m, the smile a stranger gives you when you walk past them, old couples giving flowers to each other, but those things don't make me feel anything no more. I wanted you to see the person I hid so well, but you didn't. I don't blame you, I'm got good at hiding myself. But I can't escape this person anymore. I have to admit it to myself that this is who I am. An empty, cold, selfish, jerk with major mental illness. Be happy for me. Because I don't think I'll ever be able to feel any kind of happiness ever again. Smile for me. Because I lost mine forever. Laugh for me. Because you were the only thing that made me crakled. Live for me. Because I don't think I will make it.
I love you forever, Jenna Marie Ortega."
Tears fell down of her eyes. You weren't alright, and she didn't see it. How could she have missed it ? How could she forgive herself ? A thousand wonders went through her mind, but it was already too late. You have now left. Forever.
- 📜🎧🍂 -
A/n: I know I said the next post would be the Cairo fic, but yeah, I needed to vent, so maybe I could find my will to write again. Have a good day/night. Love y'all <3
#jenna ortega#jenna marie ortega#oneshot#jenna ortega x fem!reader#jenna ortega x reader#jenna ortega imagine#spotify#jybyls' writing#jybyls writing’s#jenna ortega x you#jenna ortega x y/n
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hey there! this sounds like a bit of a silly question, but as a trans guy, you’re one of the few trans people i’ve been following almost since i joined tumblr, so based on your other anon ask and answer i figured i’d pop in and ask if you have any advice? if you want to answer, ofc :) — i foresee this being a bit long, so i totally get if not
so i’m also a trans guy, but i haven’t been able to take any steps toward medical transitioning before since i live with my parents. but i’ll move out soon, and i still can’t decide if i should take any of these steps even once i do. i’ve never felt like i particularly wanted to medically transition (i don’t really care about how my body looks + i’ve never really cared about changing any of it), but i would like to be seen a guy — i don’t mind if not so by strangers, but maybe so by like, my friends. but i can’t help but feel like i’d be laughed at for wanting that — i’m not naturally androgynous or masculine looking to others and i have never been mistaken for a guy, because i have really long hair, d cups, and curves. and without medically transitioning, i also kinda feel like i’m… betraying the trans community, since i’m not really putting the effort into my transition and so i’m just ‘pretending’, even though i do know i’m not.
so my question would be: as a trans person who has transitioned, socially and medically, do you think people are more understanding than i think they are currently? do you know of any trans people who don’t want to medically transition, and do you think it’s possible to live fulfilled that way? or even: do you think it would be easier for someone like me to just live a lie? i usually tell people i’m a lesbian, because they definitely would not look at me and assume ‘straight guy’, but also, as a trans person who doesn’t want to medically transition, i’m just always worried that i won’t be taken seriously. i feel like your experience of being trans and probably interacting with the community is much more than mine, which is why i ask this last one — i would try being open myself, but again, i’m still living with my parents unfortunately.
I'll be honest I don't actually really know much "community" save for former art school classmates. I've only known one trans person irl who chose not to medically transition - at the time, Finland's trans law was still shitty and required sterilisation for legal sex change, and all that. She didn't want kids or anything, but refused to engage in the process as her own little personal civilian protest. I don't want to paint some caricature picture of some Sharp Dommy Tall Scary Goth Trans Anarchist, but I was deeply impressed by the way she didn't do a single thing to try to seem smaller, softer, or in any way submissive or docile to be ~feminine~ the right, socially accepted way.
She wasn't just taller than most men but usually the tallest person in the room, and she stood out in a crowd of cis women like a crane in a chicken coop - a bird just as much as they are, but a different kind of bird. And I remember thinking that I could never do that, being so unflinching and unhesitant about standing out in the crowd because assimilating and muting yourself is beneath your dignity.
Honestly, I don't know what to tell you about being openly trans without transitioning medically, save for that it takes more guts than being able to just go stealth. I had physical dysphoria about the way my body was, and was desperate to get top surgery just for the sake of my own physical comfort, and I like the convenient anonymity of being able to just be Just Some Guy who doesn't attract anyone's interest or curiosity.
It's a smart move to not come out to your parents before you're out of their house and not relying on them for anything - this is something everyone should use their own judgement for, but I stress it to every queer kid to not take the risk if there's any chance that they'll react poorly while they still have power over you. But living your whole life in the closet - "living a lie" is a good way to put it - will corrode you from the inside.
It's better to live in peace with yourself and against the world, than in peace with the world against yourself. There is absolutely nothing in your power that you could do to change the minds of people who have already decided that they don't respect you, and if they try telling you that they would, if you only met their approved criteria, they are lying. That's bait they're dangling in front of you, and there's no "earning" the respect of such people.
Stay true to yourself and be good to people, and you'll have the respect of people who are capable of respecting you. Don't waste your time and energy on people who won't respect you, every thought and effort you spare them is wasted on them.
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Camp Wiegman-Part 32
Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle
Alternative Universe : Military School
Words : 5k
Masterlist
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Friday, January 8; 12:45 PM - Ona and Alexia's Room.
I'm packing my suitcase while Alexia watches. The latest news has lifted my spirits. I've got the green light everywhere. Wiegman is allowing me to leave after my clean week. I was on time every day and didn’t snap back at any of my teachers when they provoked me for talking too much. Classes have become dull since we returned, as we're nearing the end, and there's nothing left to do. In two weeks, we'll finally change classes, and to my surprise, I got accepted into my first choice. Lucy couldn't resist filling me in on what went down in the meeting. It seems I barely made it, thanks to the support from Wiegman and my homeroom teacher, who found my efforts more than impressive. I managed to raise my average from six to twelve in just two weeks. That was proof enough for them of my hard work. I can't wait to find out about my new class and schedule now. Alexia, meanwhile, got into sports with her sister and Laia. As for me, I learned that I'll be with Leah, Alessia and Lotte. I'm pretty happy. At least I won't be alone.
- "What are you planning to do this weekend?" Ale asks me.
- "Nothing special. And you?"
- "I don't know yet. I really want to see Jenni, but I'm going to my grandparents' place."
I give her a sad smile. I feel sorry for her that she can't stay. I don't dare tell her that, unlike her, I won't be bored. Lucy is hosting me at her place this weekend. I've never been this excited, even though I try to hide it to avoid drawing attention. I'll finally get to see where my mentor lives. It’s a big deal.
- "Isn't Bronze coming to see you today?"
Oh, screw it. I'm tired of keeping secrets from her.
- "I'm going to her place..." I mumble quickly.
- "What?" she asks, her eyes wide.
- "Sorry... I know I should have told you earlier, but after your last reactions about her, I didn’t dare..." I say, biting my lip.
- "You could have told me! You know I'm not the one to criticize your relationship with Bronze."
- "Whoa, hold on. Our relationship doesn't go beyond friendship... At least, I think so. That's what she said we are..."
She chuckles at my nervousness. I playfully shove her, which makes her laugh even more.
- "You seem awfully nervous for a simple 'friendship,'" she teases.
- "It's Mapi and you who make me feel this way. I feel like we're doing something wrong. I assure you, I'm not interested in her the way you think."
- "Don't take it that way," she smiles. "I wasn't even talking about that kind of relationship. Anyway, I'm happy for you, or rather, for you. She never offered me friendship, so enjoy it."
- "I wanted to ask her about your relationship to see what she had against it, but I haven't had the chance."
- "Oh no, don't do that. The reasons don't matter to me. Besides, since you've been around, I feel like she appreciates me a bit more than before. But still, I've always wondered how you got close to her."
I sigh in resignation. Looks like it's time to explain everything to her. Mapi had already advised me to do so before she left — more like forced me. She argued that Alexia has a right to know if I trust her. I won't get a better opportunity to bring it up. I just hope Lucy never finds out...
- "To be honest, I confide in her about my past. She helps me deal with my demons, and that’s what brought us closer."
- "Oh," she says, surprised. "So she knows more than I do?"
- "She knows even more than Mapi," I chuckle at her expression. "I don’t know... Lucy has this way of making it easier to talk. It's like she understands my situation and has all the answers to my problems."
- "That's good, then. As long as it helps you, that's what's important, but be careful not to get lost in your feelings, because that can happen fast in situations like this."
- "Yeah... I know," I say with a small smile. "Well, I have to go. She's waiting for me outside."
- "Yep," she says, checking her watch. "I have to leave too. By the way, did you tell her about your nights?"
- "No."
- "You promised me you would," she scolds.
- "I know, but nothing's happened since then, so I didn't."
She gives me a stern look, showing her disappointment, as I expected. I can’t help it if she's naive enough to believe me. I've already got Lucy on my case about so many things. I don’t need her on this too.
- "It won’t come back to bite you, I promise."
- "Yeah, right. I wonder who knows her better between the two of us."
- "I'll take responsibility if she finds out. But I really have to go now. She'll scold me for taking too long."
- "Hmm... Have a good weekend," she grumbles.
I hug her and wish her a good weekend in return. Then I leave the room with my suitcase and backpack. Now that I’m out of sight, I smile with excitement. I reach Lucy's car, which she parked in the same spot as last time. I leave school without any regret. She might have refused to let me go back to Miami, but at least she didn’t stop me from leaving school. I told my mom that I’m staying with friends in Seattle using Alexia's phone. I also told Mapi the truth. I wanted at least one person to know what's going on. I’m not sure if Lucy has seen me yet. I assume she has when she opens the trunk from inside. Yet, when I join her up front, I find her on her phone. I give her one of my brightest smiles, expressing my current joy.
- "Hey," I say.
- "You're late," she reprimands, raising an eyebrow.
- "Sorry, Ale held me up."
- "Hmm."
- "Grumpy!"
- "No, that's you," she retorts with a wink.
I laugh as she drives off. She’s not wrong. Between the two of us, I’m the grumpy one. I always voice what’s wrong out loud. She tells me we need to stop by the supermarket to get some groceries first. It reminds me that she lives at school just as much as I do. It's strange doing something so mundane with her. I’m not used to seeing her outside of school. As usual, I watch the scenery go by, humming along to the music playing from the car speakers. After the second song by the same artist, I realize Lana Del Rey is playing.
- "I didn’t know you liked this kind of music."
- "Now you do. You don't?"
- "Oh, I do. I like it, even if I don't listen to it often."
- "I didn’t either at first," she laughs. "I ended up liking it."
I smile as she sings the chorus. It’s the first time I’ve heard her sing, and I enjoy her voice. I turn back to the window. I can’t tell where we are. I imagine she’s heading towards her neighborhood. We arrive at the supermarket she mentioned earlier. She hands me a token to get a cart. This scene is a déjà vu moment from a few months ago. Without complaining this time, I fetch the cart and join her at the store entrance.
- "Anything particular you want for tonight or the rest of the weekend?" she asks as we go down the aisles.
- "Are you planning on cooking every day?" I ask, surprised.
- "There’s more to life than fast food, in case you didn’t know," she laughs.
- "No, my question was more about whether you know how to cook... You’re not planning on poisoning me, are you?"
- "Now that you mention it, that’s a tempting idea."
- "Ha, ha, ha! You’re really sadistic when you want to be."
- "I know," she smiles. "And yes, I can cook."
- "I can’t wait to see your cooking skills then. I might even compare you to Sam."
- "What I didn’t tell you is that you're going to help me."
- "Oh... Well, it’s up to you if you want your kitchen on fire," I joke. "Sam doesn’t trust me enough to let me help."
- "You’ll help, and I promise to make sure you don’t burn anything," she teases, stopping at the butcher's counter. "But seriously, what do you want to eat?"
I glance at the perfectly displayed meat. At least it looks appetizing. I choose chicken cutlets, and she picks up some other things that I don’t pay attention to. We continue down other aisles as she gradually fills the cart while I follow her.
- "You really can’t cook?" she asks, picking up the conversation again.
- "I never had the chance to learn. When we moved to Barcelona, Sam was always there. And in Portugal, I used to bake with my grandmother sometimes, but that’s it. I tried cooking with Mapi once, but it was a disaster. Sam really scolded us that day when he saw the state of his kitchen," I laugh, remembering.
- "You must not be very good," she laughs. "I wouldn’t mind teaching you a few things this weekend if you’re up for it."
Her offer surprises me. No one has ever asked me if I wanted to learn how to cook, not even Sam. I smile and nod. I like the idea. I’ve always wanted to learn deep down.
- "Why not. How did you learn?"
- "I’ve been living alone for several years now, so I picked it up over time. I was like you at first," she admits. "So you’re not a lost cause, I promise," she says, ruffling my hair.
- "Can you tell me more about yourself...?"
- "Why?"
- "I don’t know, I’d like to get to know you... The real you, outside of school. You know a lot about me, so I thought... Maybe it could be mutual now."
- "We’ll see. You might learn a few things about me this weekend."
My eyes light up. It’s the first time she hasn’t flatly refused this request. I was expecting her to brush me off. Our shopping comes to an end. At the checkout, she confirms that we’ll be going out with her friends tomorrow night. She asked me about it yesterday, and I was pretty excited. I’m curious to see what kind of people she hangs out with. Although I was hesitant about not knowing anyone, she reassured me by saying Ingrid and Jenni would be there. Once done, we head back to the car where we load the groceries in the back seat since the trunk is full of our stuff. I bombard her with questions until we arrive at her place, such as, "Are we in your neighborhood now?" and "How long have you lived in Manchester ?" She surprises me by answering everything. I learned that she’s been living here since her college years and moved here with Jenni. I gathered that their friendship and bond go way back and that they’re both from Portugal. Their friendship seems similar to the one I have with Mapi, though theirs probably goes back much further. She told me they were roommates in Jenni’s apartment before she got one of her own after they both started dating. Since then, she’s been living in the apartment she’s in now. This conversation kept us occupied until we arrived in front of a building. From what I can see, it’s a quiet, upscale neighborhood. The building’s exterior is inviting. I thought she would park outside, but she pulls into an underground garage with multiple parking spots and garages. I’m not sure if she has a garage, but she parks in a space.
- "Please tell me... Either you live on the ground floor or have an elevator, because I'm not climbing all those stairs with all our stuff."
- "What? Aren’t you in need of some exercise?" she teases. "Oh, right. You don’t like jogging.
"- "Ah, ah, ah! You told me we’d pick it back up when the weather was better outside!"
- "You pick it back up," she corrects me. "I never stopped. Come on, Miss Lazy, let’s move. We’ve got an elevator waiting."
I don’t hide my relief. I quickly follow her outside to help with our suitcases and the grocery bags. It’s a good thing there’s an elevator with all the stuff we have to carry. I learn as we press the elevator button that she lives on the seventh and second-to-last floor.
- "Thanks again for having me."
- "No problem. I hope you’ll like it."
- "I’m sure I will. It can’t be worse than school."
The elevator dings, and Lucy lets me exit first, pointing to her apartment door. She sets the grocery bag down to unlock the door. Once again, she lets me enter first. I step in hesitantly, taking in her apartment. I’m left speechless just seeing the living room. I didn’t expect something so beautiful and... my style. She gives me a gentle nudge so she can pass by and head toward the kitchen while I explore the space. It’s a large open-concept living area that stretches horizontally. I move towards the kitchen, which is in the back right corner. Everything is new. It’s a true American-style kitchen, just the way I love. It’s separated from the rest by a bar that hides the countertop. There are high stools in front, just like in my kitchen in Miami. A large light-wood dining table sits just in front of the bar, with black chairs that contrast with the brightness of the room. Most of the furniture matches the table’s color. When I look the other way, I notice that all the walls are white except for the left one, which is covered in dark gray brick. It blends harmoniously with the rest. A TV is mounted on that wall, with a large sectional sofa and a small wooden table. The two spaces are clearly defined. I don’t know where I’ll be sleeping, but even if she offers me the couch, I think I wouldn’t mind since it looks so comfortable. It’s probably more comfortable than my small bed at school. I only have one word: Wow. It’s a dream apartment!
- "Do you like my apartment?" she asks with a playful grin.
- "If you ever think about selling it... You’ll think of me, right?"
- "I’m not planning on selling it," she chuckles.
- "In that case, can you take me as a roommate? I promise I’ll be quiet on the couch!"
She laughs, saying she’s glad I like it so much, but unfortunately, she’s not looking for a roommate. I finally take off my jacket and help her unpack the groceries. I’m not much help since I don’t know where most things go, but she shows me where everything belongs. All her cupboards and the fridge were empty, proof that she’s hardly ever home.
- "Why get an apartment on your own when you’re almost never here?"
- "I wasn’t alone at first. I just kept it because I needed a place to go outside of work. Plus, you said it yourself... how could I give up an apartment like this?"
- "True, but still!"
I put away the last item in my hand, then settle on one of the high stools as she offers me a drink from the other side of the bar. I accept when I see her pouring herself something. She places it in front of me before leaning on the counter.
- "Why stay at the camp when you have an apartment like this? Seriously, if I were you, I’d come back every night."
- "It’s mandatory to stay... well," she corrects herself, "I volunteered to stay at first, and it just stuck."
- "But you never do night patrols."
- "Other instructors handle night surveillance."
- "Really? How many are there?"
- "Six. One per floor on both sides."
- "Still, your job really isn’t conducive to a normal life. You can’t even have a family life! Doesn’t that bother you? Well, I guess it wouldn’t if you don’t want a wife and kids."
- "Of course I’d like a relationship and maybe even a family if the person I’m with wanted that."
- "Then why don’t you leave the camp?"
- "I don’t plan on staying there forever. I have plans."
- "Really? You never told me. You’re not going to abandon me in the middle of the year, are you?"
- "No. If I leave, it’ll be at the end of the school year."
I sigh with relief. I can’t imagine finishing the year without her. She smiles at me before downing her drink in one go.
- "Come on. I’ll show you your room."
- "I’m not sleeping on the couch?"
- "Why, do you want to?"
- "It already looks more comfortable than my bed at camp. It’d be fine by me."
- "It is, but I also have a second bedroom. Which do you prefer?" she teases.
- "I think the bedroom will do," I say, making her laugh.
We grab our suitcases, and I follow her to the double doors in the middle of the living room, between the kitchen and the living room. She opens them to reveal a hallway with five doors. She skips the first two and opens the second one on the right.
- "Here’s your room. Mine is right across."
- "Thanks for welcoming me like this. You didn’t have to."
- "No problem," she smiles softly. "Well, I’m going to put my things away. Make yourself at home. The bathroom is there if you need it," she points to the door between the two bedrooms.
I nod, and she disappears into the room opposite mine. We leave our doors open, but I quickly lose sight of her. The room she’s offering me for two days is cozy and modern. I have a large double bed where I’ll likely sleep very well tonight. There’s also a desk and a chair that complete the room, along with two large lamps as decoration. For storage, there’s a large built-in wardrobe near the window with three large sliding doors, one of which is a floor-to-ceiling mirror. I love this type of wardrobe. They don’t take up much space and are very practical. The walls are white, but the dark furniture contrasts again. I put my suitcase down without unpacking. I don’t plan to impose myself by using the wardrobe. I don’t even know if there’s anything inside, and I don’t want to find out. I leave everything in place and go to join Lucy, leaning against her bedroom doorframe. I watch her put her things away in the same wardrobe as the one in my room. Her room is just as large as the other. There are just more personal items, and the desk is replaced by a small couch facing a small TV on a matching stand.
- "Already done?"
- "I just dropped off my suitcase. Your room is cool."
- "Thanks. You can come in, you know," she invites me.
I step timidly into the room and decide to sit on the bed, watching her put her things away.
- "Is yours okay for you?"
- "It’s perfect. Nothing could be worse than the one at camp anyway."
- "True," she chuckles. "And the one at home?"
- "Slightly bigger than this one."
- "You mean twice the size, I imagine."
- "Well... yeah," I laugh. "I can’t help it if my mom has money."
- "Oh, I didn’t say anything."
- "Your apartment would be perfect for me. It’s really nice."
- "Glad you think so. Do you want to go out tonight?"
- "Honestly? I’d rather stay here and do something low-key if you don’t mind."
- "Not at all. I was just suggesting. I’d rather stay in too. You could use some rest. You’ve had dark circles under your eyes lately."
- "Movie night?" I suggest to change the subject.
- "Why not. We could make a pizza to eat in front of the TV. And maybe some popcorn for dessert."
- "I love that plan. You know I adore you, right?"
- "Doesn’t take much, does it?" she laughs.
- "It’s nice to have a normal evening in a normal apartment."
She offers me a sympathetic smile. A comfortable silence falls as she finishes unpacking her things. She lives the life I’d like to have. I sincerely hope to get there someday.
- "Can I take a shower before all that?"
- "Sure, of course. You can go now. The bathroom is next to your room."
- "Okay, thanks."
I go to grab my bath things and pajamas from my suitcase. I step out of the room at the same time as Lucy. She decides to accompany me to show me how her shower works and to make sure I have everything I need. I doubt her instructions are necessary when I see how modern the bathroom is. She has a walk-in shower and even a clawfoot tub right next to it. It makes me feel like her apartment is huge. She has storage under the sink and a column next to it. There are also shelves where her towels are stored. She places a large and a small towel beside the sink for me. The last thing she does before giving me space is show me where the essentials, like the hairdryer, are. I put my things where there’s room, then undress to step into the shower. I close my eyes to enjoy the soothing hot water. I don’t stay too long, remembering I’m not at home. When I get out, I wrap myself in the large towel and do the same with the small one for my hair. I dry off quickly to put on my pajamas, which consist of an oversized T-shirt and shorts. She’s seen me in worse, so I shouldn’t feel self-conscious. Before returning to the living room, I dry my hair a bit more and make sure to tidy up and fold my clothes. I smile when I see her behind the bar, cooking. The environment feels strange, but it’s very pleasant. She smiles immediately when she sees me. I blush when I catch her eyeing me with surprise. She quickly regains her composure. For the first time, I see a hint of embarrassment on her cheeks.
- "Sorry, I didn’t expect you to come out dressed like that."
- "No worries... I thought it wouldn’t be a problem."
- "It’s not," she reassures me.
- "Do you need any help?"
- "No, it’s fine, I’m almost done."
I sit back on the bar stool I used earlier. I watch her sprinkle a handful of grated cheese over the freshly made pizza. I’m a bit disappointed she didn’t wait for me to make it.
- "It looks good."
- "You can tell me what you think when you taste it," she says with a small smile. "Can you keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn’t burn while I take a shower?"
- "Yep," I reply as she puts it in the oven. "Can I make myself useful in the meantime? Set the table, for instance?"
-« If you want. You can bring everything over to the small table. »
She points out the cupboards and drawers before disappearing into the hallway. It's funny how easily we manage to coexist. I could easily get used to this. I take advantage of her absence to bring everything over to the small table in the living room, as she instructed. The TV is already on a music channel. I allow myself to sit on the couch and flip through channels to find something interesting. I realize it's been ages since I’ve done something so ordinary. My moment is interrupted when I hear the bathroom door open. Lucy’s return leaves me speechless. I fully understand the effect she had earlier. Unlike me, she’s wearing a tank top that flatters her perfectly, and her hair is pulled up in a messy bun that makes her look very cute. I can't stop staring at her. But she ignores me and checks the pizza in the oven. For the first time, I notice a tattoo on her arm. I didn’t even know she had one. I quickly turn away when she finally glances at me.
- "Caught staring, Batlle."
I blush furiously. I'm glad she can't see me right now. I don’t remember ever seeing her this undressed before. She must have been like this in front of me during my withdrawal, but I don’t recall. It has more of an effect on me than seeing her in her regular clothes instead of her uniform. I jump when her hand touches my shoulder.
- "I’m talking to you, Ona."
- "Sorry, I wasn’t listening. What were you saying?" I ask, mustering the courage to turn around.
- "I was asking if you’ve already picked a movie? Or maybe even a show?"
- "Hmm, I’m not sure," I say, thinking. "Harry Potter?"
- "Harry Potter?" She raises an eyebrow.
- "I’ve seen them all, but never in order. If you don’t want to watch them, I’ll do it alone when I have the time."
- "No, no, that works for me."
- "If you don’t like—"
- "I like the series," she chuckles. "I was just surprised by your choice. »
I smile and nod eagerly. I get up to retrieve it at her direction. When I return to the living room, Lucy has put the pizza on the small table and is sitting on the couch. I smile when I notice she’s serving us.
- "What do you want to drink?"
- "Water, please.
Lucy is already using the remote to find the first Harry Potter movie. This is even better than the evening I imagined. I take a sip of my drink as she starts the movie. I shift to find a more comfortable position. I groan when I realize I forgot to get my plate. Lucy laughs, understanding my dilemma, and brings it over to me.
- "Thank you," I whisper.
- "Go ahead, give it a taste."
She says this before taking her first bite. I had set out utensils, but it seems she doesn’t plan on using them. One thing is for sure: it looks delicious. I don’t waste any time digging in, making sure to keep my plate under my chin to avoid messing up her furniture. I moan in pleasure as the pizza’s flavors hit my taste buds.
- "Oh, damn. This is amazing!"
Lucy laughs at me. This pizza could be compared to one of the seven wonders of the world, and I mean that.
- "How did you manage to hide your culinary talents for so long?"
- "It’s just a pizza, you know," she laughs.
- "Exactly! I can’t imagine what it would be like if you made a proper dish. Sam has made me pizzas before, but they were never as good as this one."
- "We’ll see how yours turns out when you make one for me someday."
- "I already told you I’m a walking disaster. Sam even banned me from using his kitchen when he’s not around."
- "I’m not surprised," she laughs. "You seem close to him."
- "Yeah, he’s become a close friend. He’s really cool. I really should introduce you to all of them sometime."
- "That’ll be hard."
- "Not if we keep in touch after the school year ends..."
- "We’ll see," she smiles.
Our evening continues with various conversations while we enjoy her pizza. The movie serves as background noise. I don’t mind. The first Harry Potter is probably the one I know best from watching it so often. We waited until it ended before putting our plates in the dishwasher and making popcorn. We moved on to the second and then the third movie before deciding we’d had enough for the night. We were both exhausted from our week—especially me—so we decided to head to bed. I was more than happy to crawl into a comfortable, cozy bed where I had no trouble falling asleep.
Saturday, January 9th, 03:20 AM - At Lucy’s place.
I sit up in a panic, realizing that I’m trembling. I look around to remind myself where I am, which only makes me more anxious. I hope I didn’t scream or anything, but I quickly realize my hopes are in vain when the bedroom door flies open to reveal a worried Lucy. I try to hide my shaking, but it’s impossible as it worsens. Lucy quickly understands what’s happening and grabs my cheeks to make me look at her. I see her lips moving, but no words reach my ears. She pulls me into her chest. I resist at first, but eventually, I collapse into her embrace, desperately clinging to her shirt. It takes five minutes or maybe more for her voice to finally reach my ears. My senses slowly return. I bury myself deeper into her when I feel her fingers gently running through my hair.
- "It’s going to be okay. I’m here now."
- "I’m sorry. I’m so sorry," I repeat over and over between breaths.
- "It’s nothing, just a nightmare."
Tears stream down my face ever since she arrived. I’m sticky with sweat, but that doesn’t stop Lucy from holding me close.
- "I-I should have... I should have told you... Ale told me to."
- "Shh, calm down. I already know."
- "W-What?"
- "Alexia came to talk to me. I already know. I asked her not to tell you so you’d come to me yourself, so calm down."
She gently rocks me. It’s soothing, but not enough. Especially after what she just revealed. I panic when she tries to pull away from me. It only makes me cling to her tighter.
- "Hey, I’m not going anywhere."
At those words, I allow myself to pull back. Fear flashes in my eyes the second she gets up from my bed. She smiles at me tenderly.
- "Relax, I’m not going far. Do you want to sleep with me?"
I look at her in surprise. I didn’t expect her to ask that.
- "You don’t mind?" I ask, lowering my head. "Isn’t that crossing the line for a student-instructor relationship...?"
- "I suppose we can overlook that detail in this situation, and besides, we’ve moved past that point a long time ago... Come on, go lie down in my bed, I’ll get you some water, okay? I won’t be long."
- "Thank you..."
She helps me out of bed, and we leave the room. I walk straight ahead while she heads to the living room. The little light is on in the room. At least I won’t bump into any walls or furniture. I slip under the covers, choosing the spot near the wall. I think I picked the right spot, feeling the coldness set in. I pull the blanket up to my chin, clutching it tightly to find warmth. Lucy wasn’t lying when she said she’d be back quickly. She brought me a glass of water, just as promised. I sit up to drink it all in one go before handing it back to her. She places it on her nightstand and then lies down beside me. I immediately feel her warmth.
- "I didn’t know which side to take..." I say timidly.
- "You chose well," she reassures me. "Do you feel better?"
I nod, though it’s not entirely true. Her presence is comforting, that’s all. She gives me one last smile before turning off the light. I feel her shifting to get comfortable. Not sure how to react, I lie on my back, staring into the darkness. I jump when her arm drapes over my stomach.
- "Relax, Ona. Turn around."
I do as she says and turn my back to her. I’m not sure if this is the position she wanted, but it’s the one I want to avoid facing her. She doesn’t say anything, simply pressing her chest against my back. Her hand rests on my stomach, gently stroking it. She’s so close that I can feel her breath against my hair. I feel strangely safe. It’s as if my panic attack never happened.
- "Thank you..." I whisper.
She closes the small gap between us in response. Before I fall asleep, I let my hand rest on hers, as if to make sure she won’t leave.
#woso#lucy bronze#woso community#barca femeni#ona batlle#woso soccer#lionesses#sefutbol fem#ona batlle x lucy bronze
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Your last chapter was delightful! Thank you so much!
You’ve mentioned All the Young Dudes in one of your posts and it has been a revelation. Do you have all time favorite hp fics and would care to share your recommendations please?
Oh, man, how could I ever choose? Manacled and DMATMOOBIL are obviously all-timers, but they don't need me to recommend them. Wait and Hope, similarly, is in no need of exhortation by me, but I'll do it anyway, I ate that shit up. Anything by @PacificRimbaud. Especially anything with Pansy in it. Especially Les Pèlerins. Anything by provocative_envy. Especially the college/internship AUs. You don't think an American AU for Harry Potter is going to work, until you're reading it, and wow, does it ever. Bending Light by scullymurphy. Talk about fucking atmosphere, my God. (I haven't read Falling Dark yet, I've been meaning to get around to it.) I've also been meaning to read the Gravitation series, I read the first chapter forever ago and it was one helluva opening. See, now I'm just talking about fics I haven't read and want to. Okay.
All the Young Dudes was formative because it was the first time I realized the scope of what fanfiction could do. Until then, I had a very narrow, constrained version of the kinds of stories fanfic was meant to tell (and what fanfic audiences were looking for). ATYD blew the ceiling off that by telling a story that was non-traditional, slow-paced, and completely non-focused on romance for at least half of it, and people adored it anyway. It taught me to be bolder and more creative with my choices. It made me think "well, Gryffindor Draco may not be the most popular trope in the bucket, but maybe some people will like it!" And it turned out some people did!
The Disappearances of Draco Malfoy. This was for a long time my favorite Draco redemption arc, and it remains the first fic I recommend to anyone looking to get into Dramione, because it's the perfect branching-off point for someone who loves the books. Stylistically honest and feels like Book 7, only better. Draco is not let off the hook for fuck, as is right and proper. (I'm a sucker for Book 7 rewrites, for obvious reasons.)
Boy with a Scar. All of it. Made me tear up like four times. This person understands things about Harry Potter that Rowling doesn't and perhaps never could.
Birds of a Feather is a great Tomione Hogwarts fic, and of any fic I've read, it's most interested in the practical day-to-day of life at Hogwarts, which was one of my favorite parts of the books. It's really a book about how someone like Tom, or Hermione for that matter, would experience Hogwarts if there weren't any diabolical plots happening around them: that is, as a very cool, very beautiful, but ultimately sort of mundane boarding school. It makes the place feel lived-in and real in a way that makes it a joy to come back to. And it has the most realistic depiction of child!Tom that I've ever read.
And I'm finding new ones all the time.
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AITA for making a joke about colors?
(This is in no way going to go the direction you think it will)
I (17F, though I was 16 during the time of this) used to have an online friend (23F) who I was really close with for about a year or two, and we'd talk and roleplay about a lot of stuff. Generally, our interests in most stuff aligned, and it was just great! I felt really happy having someone who would talk to me regularly, and there was a total lack of drama.
But the issue started when I noticed how she was lacking in responses in regards to /my/ ideas that involved /my/ characters, yet sent me really long (and, I'll be honest, stupid and ooc) plot ideas with her own characters. She never seemed to really give me any kind of reaction to my excited rambles about an idea. And I'll mention this here, I have ADHD. It's not like I was constantly spamming her, but whenever I sent ideas, she'd just be like "that's cool" or "do what you want". I really felt like she wasn't contributing to anything unless it was about HER. She'd even send completely horrible ideas like (this is just a random example of MANY things that irritated me) "what if my male human oc had a kid with your vampire oc and had to drink blood to sustain the child but refused to because he's a vegetarian?" And I was just like. Why are you so content with letting a literal baby die for the sake of oooh meat Bad™.
And after a while and a bit of arguments here and there, she also (though she claims it was unintentional) dismissed or put down my interests. We talked about ocs in love, I mentioned the Titanic dancing scene, and she immediately goes "I don't know about that, but Titanic sucked as a movie". I randomly mention that I've got back into Gravity Falls and ask her if she's seen it, and she says "No, and the only things I have was that girl being annoying." I inquire if she knows Captain Underpants, and when she says no, asks if she's interested in getting into it, to which she demands, "What is this about? Are you trying to get me to voice my issues so I can upset you and you can get mad at me?" As if the previous instances of HER putting down MY interests was ME GOADING HER INTO IT! Seriously, I can't even.
There were other issues that are equally as ridiculous and mainly involve me being just slightly childishly naive and her turning it into a Full. Blown. Fucking. Fight. And it wasn't even two-sided! I was never really ever mad. It was literally just her stupid anxiety and overthinking ruining our friendship. She often also tried to express how much she hated herself and demanded things like "am I being manipulative? Am I toxic? Does everyone hate me?" during these times, which was very frustrating, because she WAS being toxic, but due to her depressive tendencies, I couldn't even say that because she'd go off and do something dumb like harm herself. And like... I do believe people start to greatly mature in their late teens, but they ARE still teens. And I was 16. I couldn't understand why someone in their twenties was being more immature and stupid than me!
Anyway, our 2-year-long friendship slipped into the trash bag when one of our mutual friends posted "hi" and she (the Bad friend) replied "hi" with red, white, and blue hearts. Jokingly, I responded, "FRENCH HEARTS!" and she said "Dutch hearts." To which I said, "do u know how many flags r red white and blue".
She messaged another of our friends (who, may I add, is closer to ME and therefore told ME all about THIS HOE'S insane rants) and started raving in all caps about (and I directly quote) "WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE ATTITUDE?!?!" Like, are you kidding me? That's your response to a lighthearted joke? To express dramatics and claim I was being an "asshole"? After I heard she said that to our friend, I blocked her on my main, and she proceeded to block all my accounts from all her accounts. And when she dm'd another of our mutual friends asking, the mutual calmly replied that she had acted immature. And then she had the audacity to go and say "it's actually you being immature because you only listened to one side of the story !!1!1!"
Like, girl, how do you expect me to have sympathy for your "tendencies" and "fear of abandonment" when you're the one pushing people away? I once implied she ought to get diagnosed for autism, because her lack of understanding things and how to not upset people in convos was really upsetting.
Sorry if this is bad. Idk guys. AITA?
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3 6 7 11 16 20 25
bro is trying to get me killed lmao /s
choose violence ask game
3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr:
this shit
6. which ship fans are the most annoying?
gonna be honest here, the single most annoying part of the MDZS fandom is that one hyperspecific sort of wang and xian stan who insists on shitting on not only the other characters, but also other wang and xian fans who ship the characters in ways they don't approve of. this kind of stan can not only be relied on to have the worst possible takes on everyone ranging from jin guangyao to jiang cheng, they can also be relied on to harass other wang and xian fans simply for putting wang on the bottom. fun times.
7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?
surprisingly, no one yet. sometimes i feel the hater urge to dunk on the morally-pure version of wei wuxian that the diehard wei wuxian stannies have collectively hallucinated, but i still find the wei wuxian from canon to be quite compelling.
11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered
the "canon jiang cheng" and "canon jc" tags. everyone stfu
16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)
"morally pure wei wuxian who did nothing wrong ever." to me, wei wuxian's hubris, his unique capability for inventing new kinds of cruelty, his failure to think of the consequences of his actions, his tendencies to run away from negative feelings, and his ultimate failure to protect the people he was trying to protect, are what make him a compelling character to me. these flaws in parallel with his courage, kindness, stalwart moral compass, and genuine love make him interesting to me. so i don't quite understand fans who instead insist on erasing all the morally grey and highly interesting stuff he did in favor of insisting he did nothing wrong ever.
20. part of canon you found tedious or boring
not quite what the question is asking, but i found the actual wang and xian romance in the original novel to be a bit lacking. mainly because (as other people have said already) a lot of the romantic development happened when lan wangji was drunk. at the very least, i wanted to see lan wangji's reactions to his various drunken adventures once he sobered up the next day, and i'm rather disappointed we never got to see that.
furthermore, on wei wuxian's end, it did kind of feel like wei wuxian was using this exciting new romance to distract himself from his past problems, even though it also seemed like he didn't actually know all that much about lan wangji. the only version of the romance that makes sense to me is the one where wei wuxian was already into lan wangji (subconsciously or consciously) in his first life; otherwise, wei wuxian falling in love with lan wangji during his second life, when he's yet to process any of the shit that happened in his first life, feels too much like him running away from his problems with a guy he believes will validate all his decisions. meanwhile, on lan wangji's end, i feel like the novel just did not give us a lot to work with in regards to his character. so it feels like, if you want to be a fan of lan wangji, you have to do a lot of the legwork of building up his personality yourself.
what also disappointed me a bit about wang and xian, as well as lan wangji's character arc itself, is that lan wangji is never really challenged on a moral-dilemma level in the same way that many other characters are challenged by the story. how do i explain this...alright, i'll put it this way. i've been brainrotted about madohomu (madoka magica) since i was in middle school. and that's partially because i know for a fact that, if homura was put in the trolley problem and had to choose between [killing 5 strangers] and [allowing madoka to die], she would choose to kill those 5 strangers to save madoka. but after reading MDZS, i realized i legitimately did not know what lan wangji would do in such a moral dilemma. because MDZS equates [being morally righteous] with [supporting wei wuxian], lan wangji is never placed in a dilemma where he has to choose between sacrificing wei ying and doing something the audience would think of as unforgivable.
these are just my own hyperspecific tastes, though.
25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing
gonna put my hater hat on for a second, but i kind of roll my eyes at the jiang cheng haters complaining about how jiang cheng stans keep posting in the "canon jiang cheng" tag. dude, if it bothers you that much, just block the jiang cheng stans. then things will be peaceful in your favorite tag again.
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SEA SIDE CRUSH ❧
➤ (🐚) oneshot | Sunghoon x fem reader | fluff | angst | strangers to lovers | word count: 1.7k | reader is 18 and Sunghoon is 19 | one small kiss bit and nothing more| set in the 1960’s | whole thing is based within a cruise holiday ship
Soo’s smol note📝 : btw this is not proof read fully it’s like 60%💀 didn’t have my glasses when I wrote this since I accidentally sat on them so yeah ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
“Kiss me hard before you go, Summertime sadness”
Forced on a cruise for the summer there’s nothing much that peaks your interest until you meet a boy who you will never forget or in which you find comfort in Sunghoon who’s there to pick you up when you fall until- he isn’t
YOU FELT LONELY.Your parents didn't want you to spend all of your time in your room, so they forced you to go play with some kids "your age," despite the fact that you're almost 19, and you're surrounded by 9-11 year olds. Should I simply jump in and swim to shore? This serves no purpose.
You sighed, resting your elbows on the edge of the boat railing, looking into the horizon and closing your eyes and listening to the whistling wind and the faint sounds of the passengers around you. Your tranquillity was invaded. When you felt a pair of frigid fingers pinch your flesh, everything came to a halt. Why is some random stranger touching me? If it's one of those obnoxious kids, I swear I'm going to push them over this railing i swe-
When you locked gazes with a tall gorgeous male, your thoughts were cut short. His fair complexion gleamed in the sunlight as he waved at you with a witty smile.
" Greetings! Milady..my name is Sunghoon," he said, raising his hand for a shake, which you slowly accepted. His chilly hands engaging with yours, causing you to shiver slightly " hi..I'm y/n " you say gently, with a faint smile. He’s so good looking..
That was the beginning of your small friendship with the boy, as well as the emergence of your newfound crush. After that day, you resolved never to stay in your room again, constantly going out to see him. Sunghoon was nothing but kind and kind to you, his acts triggering an explosion of butterflies in your stomach at every interaction; you didn't want to leave the cruise because you were frightened you wouldn't see him again.
You and Sunghoon sit side by side on the seats, your shoulders merging into one. "Do you normally come here every summer? " You nod "Yes, it's like a tradition ever since I was 11 they'd take me here for a month," you hum. "This Cruise is so big, there's so much to do, yet you seem upset about it ? Do you not enjoy your time here perhaps ? " Sunghoon says, bending his head to stare at your face. "No.. I've been going here for 8 years it isn't as exciting anymore.. plus no one my age comes here anymore so I'm alone most of the time," you groan, looking down. Sunghoon recognises the sadness in your voice and does not want to see you sad any longer so he extended his arm placing it around your shoulder giving it a small squeeze
"Well, you do have me now, don't you? Milady " With a tiny smile, you nod. " yeah, I guess so," Sunghoon humms, " wanna cause some trouble? " He speaks with a mischievous tone in his voice. Well..it's been so dull here, why not "I'll follow your lead park." Sunghoon smiles sitting up and extending his hand out. You eagerly place it in his allowing him to intertwine your fingers with one another
"So, what's the plan?" you two sneak into your parents' room while they're away having lunch in the canteen part. "Water and some buckets," he raised an eyebrow, "you want to drentch thier stuff?" Wont you get in trouble for that? Milady " You shrug I don’t really care to be honest they won’t do anything anyways “ I'll deal with the conference later" you drag Sunghoon with you to the pool to get the water.
You had miscalculated how heavy water was once you had filled yours to the brim. The weight was so heavy it almost sent you tumbling backwards but thankfully Sunghoon was there to catch you clutching your waist firmly with his spare hand so you don't fall. " y/n are you okay? You swallow anxiously as his hand remained firmly in position, his fingers caressing the material of your shorts slightly, his touch sending shivers down the rest of your body " umm..milady?" Gosh, snap out of it, he was simply trying to help you "nothing, let's go.." You disregard the concept of thought and go on your way.
“I just wanted you to know That baby, you the best”
A MESS you wanted to make turned out to be a mess. The bed ruined and drenched the currants adhering to the walls, your father's books floating around the room, and your mother's cosmetics spilling out and changing colours as it combined with the water. You smiled proudly at yourself.
You turn to face Sunghoon, who is already staring you, "what?" He didn't say anything and simply looked at you. Why is he just starting at me? "Do you ever wonder what it feels like to really like someone?" you look at him shocked. Why the sudden question? "I mean, no, not really, there's never been anyone I've liked well, in a romantic way that is," I like you he shrugs. "That's upsetting,"
" how so?" You ask to which he doesn’t say anything "Sunghoon your seem a bit off " he still doesn't say anything and slowly approaches you, causing you to move back and slip onto your parents soaked bed as a result of your actions earlier.. as there was still a shallow amount of water flowing on the floor.
"Do my feelings put you off, y/n?" Huh" wait what- what are you talking about " he looks closely into your eyes as if searching for something in them " i stated before it was sad that you milady..didn't like anyone because I like you " he stops before starting again " you've made my vacation here brighter.. I want to stay with you just a little bit longer" you blink wildly, unable to believe what your ears are hearing.
"you..like..me," he nods, smiling slightly, "but it's fine if you don't-" cutting him off, you pull him into a passionate kiss. Because you were too nervous to say the words out loud, you hoped your actions would speak for you.
Sunghoon nibbled on your lip right away, causing you to yelp slightly and give him complete access to swirl his tongue and intertwine it with yours. His left hand gently approaching your cheek, his thumb touching your face tenderly and delicately, as if he was afraid you would break.
You eventually draw away, glancing down at your nails. Feeling a bit shy "the feelings... mutual Sunghoon" he smiles again, drawing you close into an embrace and collapsing upon you due to the height difference. "Oh my gosh, let go, your making me wet, it's c-cold!" You yell, attempting to push him away, but he refuses to let go, hugging you even tighter, "but I wish to shower you with you milady with adoration and affection!" He teases, and you lightly slap his chest, and he pulls away slightly, his hands still on your waist, "have I ever told you how beautiful your eyes are?"
"Stop looking at me like that," he hums, "like what I'm just looking at you, can I not stare at a work of art?" you gulp slightly , not noticing the large blush that spreads across your cheeks. You hide your face in his chest, "Stop that.."
Sunghoon smiles, kissing you on the cheek and drawing you in for another hug. This time you didn't mind the coolness from his damp shirt, you were just delighted to be this close to him right now and to know he felt the same way about you.
“Think I'll miss you forever Like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky”
THE NEXT DAY, you awoke in the happiest feeling you'd been in since meeting Sunghoon, but after yesterday, you were elated. Even though you were yelled at by your parents for your stunt, you didn't care. Your thoughts were preoccupied with Sunghoon.
you got ready in the mirror doing your makeup as music plays in the back form your mothers radio “Done my hair up real big, beauty queen style~” “High heels off, I'm feelin' alive~”
I hope he likes it
You sigh as you look at the small pink envelope with a heart in the middle on the counter to your left. You deliberately composed a note for Sunghoon because you wanted to communicate how you felt and how he made you feel.
After you finished , you took your note and dashed out to the section where Sunghoon and his family were staying. Knocking on the door, you wait nervously, quickly adjusting your hair in the hopes of impressing him. But, to your dismay, the door opened to show an unknown lady? Who is that, if not Sunghoon's mother or sister?.. "Um... hello, I'm looking for Park Sunghoon?" She raises her brow "I don't know who that is, you got the wrong door, sorry" before shutting the door in your face.
What the hell? Im so sure this is his door he told me 79
You decided to go to reception and ask more questions because you were really confused . "Hello sir, I have an inquiry," he says, nodding, "what is the request, milady?" "What door number do the residents of the park family stay at?" He tells you to wait and begins entering up some information before reporting back to you, "the parks left early this morning"
You thank the receptionist and walk behind the wall, leaning back against it. Is he gone? There's no way he never mentioned leaving yesterday. It was fine, we were fine. You slip down until you're sitting on the floor. You try to reason with yourself that there was no way he would go like that without at least saying goodbye or alerting you of his departure
Until it finally hits you. You have a brief recollection of Sunghoon's words to you yesterday: "you've made my vacation here brighter.."I just want to stay with you a little longer," he knew.
You clench your fists and throw your letter across the floor. You were upset because you couldn't believe he wouldn't say goodbye properly. At the very least, if he been honest with you, you would have learned to handle reality a little better. You would have stayed with him longer. How could he leave you here alone knowing how lonely it made you feel?
You knew there was a good chance you'd never see him again; you don't even know where he lived or what school he attended; he simply fled away. You wanted to comprehend him but couldn't since your sadness was quickly replaced by rage, hurt, and betrayal.
You felt used..he knew he was leaving all along, yet he decided to give you hope anyways. As much as you sincerely liked him, you honestly don't want to see him ever again because you're frightened of how easy you'd fall apart if you met his eyes.
I hope the memory of me haunts you for the rest of your life Sunghoon…
You prayed he'd never find serenity or even a speck of clarity, that the memories of you would suck him dry of any joy..so he could never be happy. He cannot forget you…. because you'll never forget him
@COPYRIGHTS SOOTREEPER 2023
𖤐 steal my work and I’ll come to your house and suck your blood 🧛♀️
𖤐 authors notes and dat 📝pt.2 : yeah I think I have an obsession with creating sad endings lately 💀 I apologise in advance. Anyways I hopes you enjoyed it tho !! Don’t worry anything form now one is positive 😭
-Peace and love ♡︎
𖤐 link to my other works !!
#park sunghoon#sunghoon#sunghoon angst#sunghoon ff#sunghoon imagines#sunghoon enhypen#sunghoon fanfiction#sunghoon fanfic#sunghoon au#sunghoon enha#sunghoon x y/n#sunghoon x reader#sunghoon x oc#sunghoon x you#enhypen#enhypen fanfiction#enhypen imagines#enhypen x reader#enha#enhypen scenarios#enha x reader#sootreepear
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14 years since Never Been Kissed aired. Did you watch it live? Where were you? Did you think it would be the start of something major - one of your favorite ever ships?
Ohh, interesting question!
It's kind of funny to try to remember details of something that did happen nearly fifteen years ago. the tl:dr version of how I started watching Glee was that I wasn't in a great place in Mar of 2010, and a friend of mine had given me the DVD of Glee S1 Part 1 (because that's a thing that happened back then.
And I watched it and I was, meh, it was fine. I mean, DSB gave me literal chills. But I didn't really connect with any of the characters (and omg did I find Terri and Ken annoying). And it's funny, Kurt I had a hard time with -- not at all because of the gay thing, but because his crush on Finn hit a little too close to home and I was still a little sensitive about how I was during high school.
Anyway, the same friend said we should start watching the show together - so I started going over to watch it with her. We watched the rest of Season 1 together. And maybe the first half of Season 2? I definitely watched the first four-ish episodes with her. I think (?) I must have watched NBK with her.
The ONLY thing I remember from my first time watching was the forced kiss between Kurt and Karofsky. It was THAT shocking. Like, WHOA what is happening???
The only real thing I remember about Blaine was that my friend had told me that Kurt was supposed to be getting a boyfriend, and we all wondered if it was going to be Sam (because Duets did give that tiny-ish set-up). And when Blaine showed up, it was one of those - oh, is it this dude? type things.
I did not like Season 2 when it was first airing, Nonny. I'll be honest with you about it. The thing I've since learned about RM and his shows, he often fills them with a lot of unlikable characters who are often ridiculously dramatic. And it just wasn't my thing. But also remember, the show focused hard on Rachel, Finn, Quinn, Puck, Sue, and Will (and Emma). Like -- not my favorite characters. At all.
It's one reason I appreciate the later seasons, because characters I like got more focus, and it just became super weird and super queer and that's just more to my taste.
But anyway -- I kind of only watched sporadically after the first few weeks. I caught Silly Love Songs - because I remember thinking after Kurt and Blaine have their When Harry Met Sally convo, oh yeah, they'll get these two together.
I have zero memory of watching Original Song for the first time. Which I just have, because I knew Klaine was together after that point. But I did miss most of the second half of Season 2.
No, I had zero idea I'd love Klaine as hard as I did (do). I can tell you I remember the exact moment I fell in love with Klaine, though. I decided to catch up on Season 3 because I missed the first half (and hilariously - I was actually enjoying Season 3 more than Season 2 at the time, wild right?) and it was The First Time, and it was the auditorium scene, and it was this moment.
And really, just Kurt saying -- I'm just a silly romantic, and Blaine saying it wasn't silly, and just kissing him. And, my god nonny, it made my cold, dead heart come alive. It took my breath away.
And then, I mean, I rewatched the full series again, and really got into the Klaine of it, and got into fandom, and as much as fandom was a headache -- and my god it was a headache -- I think that's why I stayed with Glee for so long? It was something to have fun with and explore and write about and talk to people about and there was the insanity of week to week, and it was wild - I mean really wild, but it's what made the show fun. Because, I mean, I love the show - but it's a mess.
And I'm constantly amazed new people come in for it, because sometimes it feels like there's a -- you had to be there -- to get it, lol.
But, I mean, did I think I'd be here, fifteen years later, still talking about how it impacted me? Not even a little bit. :)
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My Lovely Detective II
— PAIRING: Patrick Bateman x Fem!Detective!OC
— CO-WRITER: @iron-flavored-lipgloss
— CONTAINS: Non-con drug use & touching, kidnapping, gags.
— WORDS: 3k
— A/N: Thank you for your support! 💗💗💗
— LINKS: [MASTERLIST]; [SERIES MASTERLIST]; [AO3].
Dinner
After nearly two weeks of exhaustive research, seeking additional evidence, and hints to challenge Bateman in their impending meeting, Andrea had finally reached the day of their scheduled dinner—an opportunity to probe deeper with her questions.
Indeed, it had been a testing period for Andrea, as her sleep was sporadic, and her mind was in overdrive, driven by the conviction that Bateman was hiding his true self. Even after numerous discussions with Kimball, her suspicions had only intensified. Amid this, Andrea began to exhibit subtle behavioral changes, ones that even her boyfriend Derek picked up on. However, she reassured him, attributing it to her work pressure.
'Was it?'
When Andrea arrived at the restaurant, Bateman was waiting for her outside. New York looked amazing in the dark time and it suited Patrick so much that the detective just stood aside and admired him for a moment.
"Mr. Bateman! I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long!" The brunette chirped as she came closer. Her cheap coat was not warm and the dress was even cheaper, but this was the best dress she had, since she hated this kind of clothes.
"It's no problem." For once, the man was being honest, because he had made some preparations.
First of all, he had chosen a cheap restaurant, the kind of place where he or any of his colleagues wouldn't be seen under normal circumstances. Cheap by his elitist standards, of course. 'My lovely detective would be embarrassed by the price list anyway.'
Second, Patrick had called the restaurant himself instead of Jean, giving him the opportunity to place the reservation under an alias. This was also the reason why he had arrived early, when he usually preferred to have his dates wait for him. Now 'Mr. Thompson' had already checked in and the detective would never hear about the false name. This time, Patrick really wanted to make sure that his presence in this place would be impossible for Kimball or anyone else to verify. He wanted to erase this date from Jean's notes as well.
In his pockets was Rohypnol, ground to powder. A drug so strong she wouldn't even notice her way back to his apartment. But he wouldn't do anything to her until she wasn't fully conscious again, no. He wanted her to be so terribly aware of her situation.
Observing the woman who sat unsuspecting before him, Patrick took in the details of her attire. Her dress, which stirred a wave of disdain in him, and her shoes, of mock leather that rankled his senses, were noted with a critic's eye. Despite his distaste for her choices, a sense of unsettling calm washed over Patrick with the forethought of what was to come. Each element of her visage kindled within him an uncomfortable response, a feeling he grappled to understand, even as he plotted its demise.
"I've already checked our table, it has a very atmospheric placement. Let's go inside, shall we?"
The atmosphere inside the restaurant was amazing, Andrea had never been in places like this before, so when they took their table and the waiter brought them the menu, the detective visibly tensed in her seat.
"I'm not really hungry," the woman explained after looking through the countless dishes. "I think I'll just have some coffee, since I didn't come here to eat, but to ask you more questions."
With that, Andrea took out her beloved black notebook and put it on the table, almost dropping the glass of mineral water that was close by, but she pretended nothing had happened.
"So, I've been talking to Mr. Kimball about his conversation with Bethany's boyfriend and I've learned a lot of interesting information," the detective gave Bateman a small smile, noticing his slightly nervous movements as he adjusted his tie. "Bethany's boyfriend said that you and Bethany broke up because you didn't want children, while Bethany wanted a family. Is that true?"
Andrea brushed her curly hair and placed them on her shoulder, exposing her collarbone without even realizing it, the curve of her heavy breasts even more noticeable as she leaned down on the table as she waited for Patrick's answer.
'Was that the reason?' It seemed likely, and Patrick tried to remember, but admittedly it could have been him sleeping with other girls - did Bethany ever consider him to be faithful?
"Yes. I was never interested in building that kind of family, so of course that was an obstacle to a future together." Patrick swallowed hard, but for once it was not the fear of being caught - the thought always lingered in the back of his mind.
It was an innocent movement of hers that caught his attention - her wild hair swayed back, drawing his gaze to the now fully exposed cleavage. It was not a modest sight compared to the suit, and Patrick told himself that the heat that washed over his body was just irritation at her slutty attitude.
‘What a cheap way to distract me’, but he had to admit that for all the things she lacked in his eyes, her breasts looked perfect.
Up until now he had wanted to drug her to torture and kill her, she wasn't his type (and why would he settle for that when he could have anyone else?), but now other fantasies found their way into his mind… Patrick was suddenly very grateful for the waiter who came their way.
The detective was busy writing down Bateman's comments when the waiter came to their table. "Are you ready to order, sir?" The waiter asked, looking attentively at Patrick and then at Andrea.
"I'll have a double cappuccino," Andrea replied, handing him the menu. "And maybe another glass of water."
The waiter - a young man with a perfect smile - nodded a little confused. "Ma'am, how about some dessert to go with the coffee?"
Frowning, she put her notebook aside and looked at the waiter, her slight irritation palpable in the air. "No, just coffee and water, please."
"Are you sure? The charcoal cake with durian cream is outrageous here! No, please — be my guest," Patrick said with a condescending smile.
Without even giving the detective a chance to answer, he had already instructed the waiter, along with the usual J&B for himself. Actually, he did not care much for culinary pleasures, let alone sweets, but he had chosen the most expensive option among the desserts.
Perhaps he could disguise the drug as powdered sugar instead? But either way, Miss Moore had been far too observant so far. "Anything else you want to know about my love life?"
Bateman's question only made the detective smile and chuckle, his arrogant manner and self-centeredness amusing to her.
"Mr. Bateman, I already got the point that you're very successful with women, I really did," she paused and took a sip of water. "But did you say you were engaged? I think you did during our first meeting in your office."
'Not that I really care, but maybe it can trigger him to give me more information.'
"Does your fiancée know you keep in touch with your ex-girlfriend?" Andrea asked. Right after that, the waiter brought them their drinks. "Thank you." The waiter grinned at them and went to get their dishes.
The detective felt a strange thrill of the rush, as if she was getting closer to solving the mystery of Patrick Bateman, and all the knowledge she got from Mr. Kimball only fuelled her passion for it.
"Yes, I am indeed engaged." His attempt to confuse her had backfired terribly and it was impossible for Patrick to keep his voice neutral. He only managed not to reveal the growing level of aggression he was feeling towards her by taking a deep sip from the finely polished whiskey glass.
'Oh, that little bitch, I'm going to make her cry tears of pain and remorse.'
"I don't think my fiancée would care. After all, nothing had happened between me and Bethany, and my intentions were of a friendly nature."
Evelyn not caring about any of this was probably true, but not for the reason Patrick gave the detective. She was probably dating Timothy Price today.
"Some people are still faithful these days, you know. Is that what you believe in? Then you wouldn't have to explain this dinner to your partner."
The moment Bateman mentioned her partner, something heavy dropped in her gut. What the hell?
"I'm committed to relationships based on love and trust," Andrea replied, the broad smile never leaving her face. "But I don't think it can really work with guys like you, since yuppies change their dates like gloves."
The tone of her voice was more aggressive than annoyed, but she didn't like how it sounded anyway. Besides, the heat that suddenly coursed through her body from his unexpected question made her blush, and the only good option now was to excuse herself and go to the bathroom.
"If you excuse me, I have to use the bathroom." And with that Andrea retreated, but she didn't forget to take all her stuff with her.
'So, she has someone waiting for her…'
Patrick stared at her back (or rather her ass), somewhat stunned by this little outburst. Of course, he only cared because it would mean another person worried about Detective Moore's whereabouts. Hopefully she wasn't as much of a blabbermouth as Bethany had turned out to be.
'Once I'm done with her, not even her boyfriend will want to take her back,' he thought darkly, her disparaging view of yuppies bothering him much more than it should. 'Screw love and trust.'
The woman's fate would soon be sealed. Rohypnol was a hell of a drug, robbing its victims of the ability to move and talk for hours, to the point of losing their minds - long enough to take her body back to his apartment.
Making sure no one was paying attention to him, Patrick finally took the opportunity to stir the drug into both the rest of her coffee and the water. He could only hope that she would choose one or the other, but he was confident enough. After all, why would she waste something that cost the price of her awful dress?
Meanwhile in the bathroom…
'Fucking bastard,' Andrea kept repeating to herself as she washed her hands. Before the woman left the bathroom, she looked at her reflection, motivating herself to be strong and not to let this narcissistic king trap her in his net.
After a few minutes, the woman came back to their table and found Bateman talking sweetly to some random woman, but the moment the detective took her seat, he stopped his conversation and his full attention was on her again.
"I think I forgot to ask you the most important question," Andrea stated abruptly, picking up her cup of coffee. "Where were you the day Bethany disappeared?" A small sip of cappuccino made her think that it was a little sweeter than before, but the woman condemned herself for being paranoid. "I'm interested in the part of the day that followed your dinner with her."
Smirking, Andrea drank her coffee with double effort because it was so damn tasty — it was abnormally tasty.
"I believe I was returning some videotapes. Or maybe I just went straight home." Patrick didn't take his eyes off her, watching the woman's every move.
There was a crucial point, a very sudden one, where the drug would take effect. And since he didn't want to attract attention, he would have to leave the scene quickly, as if leading a drunk on his arm. Just outside the restaurant, he had parked a rental car. Never before had Patrick given so much deliberation to a crime, his style was usually impulsive, and in that sense she got special treatment. It bothered him, the sheer effort that had already gone into planning this.
But he would make it worth it.
"It's already late at night. I don't know what really happened to Bethany... Are you going to find a safe way home?" he said casually, noticing the unnatural fluttering of her eyelids, and for the first time that day Patrick felt a cold certainty calming his nerves. "I could always give you a ride, not a big deal."
It was strange when Andrea suddenly felt so tired and exhausted as if she had just run a sprint. "What... what did you say?" She mumbled incoherently and rubbed her eyes. "Can you...repeat...please?"
The surrounding sounds faded into the void, her eyes were so heavy that she could barely keep them open, and the way Bateman was smiling right now made her think that she was so fucked up. Time stopped for her when the woman almost fell on the table, but she managed to lean on her elbows.
Before she blacked out, Andrea took one last look at her empty coffee cup. "Bastard...you..."
And then she fell into the abyss.
In a rare moment of sincerity, Patrick finally let his facade slip - his face showing an expression of undisguised triumph. It was the last thing Detective Andrea Moore must have noticed before she collapsed, cursing him in vain with the last of her strength.
Where he would normally have used his Amex card, Patrick now threw a more than generous amount of cash on the table.
'Consider it a gift, buddy,' Bateman thought to himself, looking around for the waiter who had served them, before lifting Andrea, who was completely unconscious.
Seconds later, a dimly lit silhouette made its way through the cold night air of New York, Manhattan. He held a smaller figure close to his body, a gesture the unassuming eye would consider romantic. In reality, she was a dead weight in his arms, and Patrick could easily lift her onto one of the back seats like a crash dummy.
Once in a good mood, he turned on the radio — One Way or Another by Blondie — was playing, and made his way through the dense traffic of the never-sleeping city.
It took them an hour to reach the American Gardens Building, and she hadn't moved a muscle the entire time.
Getting past the security guard was also ridiculously easy - the man, already half asleep, didn't bother to keep an eye on Patrick's female acquaintances.
Now Detective Moore was lying on the white couch, her hair spread out and her dress pulled up, exposing part of her plump thighs. Coat and shoes were completely missing.
Patrick hadn't bothered to tie her up.
There was something primal about chasing down his victims, trying to run and escape when it was far too late for them. It excited him. However, he had gagged her with one of his least favorite ties (a gift from Sean), not wanting to deal with the verbal expressions of her initial shock.
'I bet she's a screamer.'
Sitting across from her in his treasured Barcelona chair, leaning back with his legs elegantly crossed and Detective Moore's notebook in his hand like the most interesting novel, Patrick waited for her to regain consciousness. It seemed to mimic an interview all over again, only this time the roles would be reversed. There was no paperwork on the glass table in front of him, just a cutting knife that had never been used for cooking.
The moment Andrea opened her eyes, she saw nothing but a perfectly white ceiling above her. Then she tried to turn her head, but the sharp pain pierced her temples just as she was about to do so.
"Mmmhm!" The detective whimpered breathlessly, unaware that she was gagged.
Her mind was still foggy and everything was doubled in her eyes, making it hard to understand what the hell was going on, but when a familiar scent of expensive cologne hit her nose, the woman pushed herself up on her elbows and the image she saw almost coaxed her back into unconsciousness.
Bateman, sitting arrogantly in the leather chair with her notebook in his manicured hands, his hazel eyes now as dark as the night sky and his nostrils flaring with the thrill of the rush.
'What a reckless woman I am!' Andrea cursed herself, but she still didn't try to run away, even when she found out that she wasn't tied up. 'No, that would be too easy and it doesn't work that way.'
And then a wicked idea came into her cloudy mind. Slowly, she opened her legs a little wider, pretending not to notice that her skirt had been hiked up and fighting the growing embarrassment in her chest.
‘I have to do it if I want to stay alive. I have to distract him any way I can!’
Not being a man of self-control, Patrick couldn't help but let his eyes immediately wander between her spread legs. She wasn't wearing any tights under her dress, which was unprofessional, and it gave him a direct view of her panties.
Patrick gritted his teeth, both disgusted and aroused by the act, and remembered once again his intense desire to teach her a lesson.
'Of course she is acting slutty now. But if she thinks she can be that good to save her life - maybe I'll let her try.'
In a few smooth moves, he crossed the distance between them, grabbed the back of the couch and leaned closer to her face. She looked even smaller now, trapped in this position, and yet she didn't seem fragile. Her eyes met his own with a certain defiance that was exciting, Patrick had to admit.
But it also made him even more angry.
"You think I'm interested in that?" And in a crude gesture, he pressed his hand against the thin fabric of her underwear, his big hand cupping her pussy completely and pushing the dress up past her broad hips.
"I've killed women far more beautiful than you… what should make you any different?” He murmured in her ear, in a tone that couldn't decide whether it was a threat or an invitation…
P.S. Thank you for reading until the end! You can follow my side blog @makeyoumineagain and my amazing co-writer @iron-flavored-lipgloss and turn on notifications to know when we update!
#american psycho#patrick bateman imagine#patrick bateman#slasher smut#patrick bateman smut#patrick bateman headcanon#christian bale smut#christian bale#patrick bateman imagines#patrick bateman x oc#patrick bateman x fem!oc#slasher x oc
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hellooo athy i love your words. could you maybe share with us how you got started writing fic and three things that you've learned along the way? thanking u
Anon you are very very sweet and very very kind! Thank you for this lovely ask. Kekekeke I'll let you in on a secret! I discovered fic because I found my sister's OC writing printed out and hidden in a drawer once and I was like woah what is this?? And she went oh NOOOOooOOOO and then she was like fine since you've already seen it lemme introduce you to the wonderful world of fic! It all started from there. The first thing I ever wrote was for Guilty Gear. Imagine that! Guilty Gear. It never got anywhere, just in my silly little notebook that I've long lost. And it was a little while before I dared put anything up. But I'm glad I did! It's been such a great time!
It isn't fancy by any means, but three things that I've learned:
Writing's a lot more fun when done with people! Prior to F1 I've never really interacted with fandom much, I just wrote my Naruto and Haikyuu!! stories and hoped people would read them. I lurked a little (a lot) before creating this tumblr when I got into F1. And then I started talking! With other writers! And readers! I got to chatficcing! And I got to improving. I had people around me who would suggest ideas for what I could add to my stories. Give me tips when I was stuck. Tell me what was good and what I could do better. Lend their expertise! Like when writing Shutter Speed and I had no idea what gallery shows were like and @sebrrari held my hand and gave me advice and was basically one of the greatest reasons I finished the fic. I'm so much more motivated to finish writing projects because I know I have a tiny group of people who will light me on fire (affectionately) after I publish something unhinged.
I struggled with writing length and to be honest I still do! I get distracted by new ideas constantly. If I can't finish something in <5k words I sometimes lose interest and the next shiniest thing takes over. There have been several things that have helped. One, forcing my sections in my writing to be a certain word count. It seems a little contrived, but it's made me linger where other times I would have just hopped off to the next bit. Two, forcing myself to split my writing over several days. Once again, lingering and adding meat because I've had time in the day to mull over details. Three, joining exchanges like the F1 Big Bang. Nothing like a word requirement to nudge you towards a longer journey.
I'll end with something a little silly heehee. I started off really going for synonyms when it came to expressing characters speaking. I mean really going for it. "I hate you," he intoned. "I like this," she gasped. "You're wrong," they yelled. This might be a preference thing, but "said" or "says" has evolved to be my favourite and most effective way of reading/writing a conversation. It feels a ton more natural, and it reads a lot smoother too. Mind you, this all goes out the window when I'm writing sex. Kekekeke. Because now he whined/he moaned/he sobbed sounds a lot hotter.
#athy texts#anon i hope you're having a great day#this was really great to think about#thank you! <3
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[opens door, Es enters]
Es: [exhale]
: Good afternoon, prisoner.
Daiki: Hm? Ah, good afternoon, Warden.
: You seem tired, are you alright?
Es: I–...
: Nevermind. I’m fine.
Daiki: Have you been sleeping well?
: Maybe we shouldn’t have you as the Warden…
Es: Eh?!
: [slams table] What does that mean?!
: I can do my job without any of your concerns!
Daiki: It’s just… you’re seventeen, aren’t you?
Es: My age has nothing to do with how well I can perform my job!
: And, I'll prove it to you!
Daiki: Go ahead.
Es: Hmph.
: Name, age, and occupation.
Daiki: The name’s Kawaguchi Daiki. I’m 39. I work in an office, but I really don't know if you care too much about that.
Es: Thank you.
: Now, how has your life in MUGRAM been?
Daiki: Ah, it’s fine. To be honest, I did not expect to see any teenagers. Izumi-kun, Fukuda-chan, and Iwai-kun are all teenagers, no? Or, at least, almost adults.
: …And, even you, Es, I did not expect you to be… a child.
: Hm. That’s…
Es: Can’t you move on from me being a child for once? Daiki: Ah… No, not really.
Es: Eh??
Daiki: None of you should be here.
: This is kidnapping, right? : You should be in school or hanging out with friends, not kidnapped and put in prison.
Es: That doesn’t matter.
: They all have committed murder and I am here to judge their sins.
Daiki: Hm… If you say so.
: I just don’t believe someone who is as terrified as Fukuda-chan can commit murder at all.
: Sure, Iwai-kun sounds like the aggressive type, but he’d probably back down at any sign of danger.
Es: …If you had spent an interrogation with him, you’d know what he actually is like.
Daiki: Heh, you’re overexaggerating. He could not have been that bad.
: What about Izumi-kun?
Es: It was an interesting interrogation.
: …! I shouldn’t be answering these questions.
Daiki: Eh, why not? I’m just asking about my fellow prisoners. Es; What occurred in their interrogations does not matter to you.
Daiki: Alright, alright. [exhales]
: I was just curious.
: I shouldn’t have expected a Prison Warden to be open about everything that happens here.
Es: …
: Hmph.
Daiki: Did I upset you? Sorry.
Es: Shut up.
Daiki: Hey, you shouldn’t be telling an adult to–
Es: I’m the one with the authority, so stop acting like such a parent. I don’t need you to be kind and gentle with me just because I’m younger than you.
Daiki: I…
: …said that as well…
Es: Hm? : Did I finally hit something? : Finally. We can continue with our interrogation.
Daiki: …
: I don't even know why I'm here, Warden.
: I haven't killed anyone.
Es: Oh, really?
: Apparently, if your actions are closely tied to a death, you are responsible for that.
: That's MUGRAM's scope of murder, from what I've heard.
Daiki: …!
: That's–
: …
Es: …
: Huh, I just realized I’ve never gotten this far into an interrogation to say this.
: How do you feel about your murder?
Daiki: I haven’t committed murder.
: Actually, I don’t believe I’ve done anything wrong. : I only wanted to protect and save someone.
: How wrong is that? : Are you saying it’s wrong to want to save someone’s life?
Es: That’s not what I’m saying at all. : You’ve caused someone’s death through your carelessness in trying to save someone. : …
: [laughs]
Daiki: What?
Es: I just had a thought. : You could have caused the death of the person you were trying to save.
Daiki: [stands up and slams table]
: That did not happen. It couldn’t have happened.
: I needed to make sure of that.
: There’s no way she died because of me.
: She would've died because of someone else, not me.
: If– If she died, then… it was all for nothing.
Es: …
Daiki: Warden. Look at me.
: I could not have hurt her, listen to me.
: I didn’t cause her death.
: I needed to protect and save her, okay? I needed to.
: I spent months of my life doing this, trying to save her.
: Don’t even try and pretend I was in the wrong because I never was. : All you’re trying to prove here is that somehow someone who wanted to protect someone is in the wrong.
Es: …You don’t need to try to convince yourself that you’re right. You caused her death, didn’t you?
Daiki: I didn’t. I did not. : Stop acting like I caused her death because I didn’t.
: I did what I had to just to save her.
: You don’t even know why I had to. I just had to. : You’re acting like you know all of us personally from these extractions or whatever, but you don’t!
Es: This is how it will be, so sit down and continue with our interrogation–
Daiki: You have no right to make us do any of this–
Es: [slams table] Sit down! Or I’ll… I’ll do something!
[Daiki stares at Es, almost preparing to laugh before shutting his mouth and reluctantly sitting down.]
: Thank you.
: The point of MUGRAM is to find out your sins through these extractions.
: I find it abundantly clear that you killed someone while trying to protect someone.
: And, even if that sounds harmless, I’m sure you have worse actions to admit to.
[mechanical noises]
Es: Finally. It’s time for the extraction.
: Do you have any last thoughts?
Daiki: … : Es, I need you to know.
: You’re just some child blindly following orders.
: You don’t have any authority in this prison. You’re basically one of us, aren’t you? Trapped here and forced to do what we have to survive. : And, I did what I had to so I could protect someone.
Es: [huffs]
: Come now. Prisoner six, Daiki. Sing your sins!
Scene Transcript - Dishonorable Charge
#mugram#MUGRAM -- Voice Drama#milgram#milgram oc#ocgram#Prisoner Six - Daiki Kawaguchi#The Warden - Es
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hey so sorry to jumpscare anyone who's still following me by posting some stuff here for the first time in like literally a year i think? adhd is fun. but yeah, i've really been missing writing something fierce, so i may try to be more present. i cannot promise that i'll be great about keeping up with what y'all are up to on here because the parts of my day i used to fill with scrolling tumblr have seemingly evaporated? but i'll do my best.
anyway, i was listening to a patreon bonus episode of one of my favorite podcasts (hey riddle riddle), and one of the hosts (adal) mentioned that every time he rewatches a tv show he hasn't watched in a while, he usually ends up with a different favorite character than he had the last time he watched it. and that got me thinking about some shows i've rewatched lately, and i realized that's largely been the case for me as well. hardly a shocking revelation of course, but i decided to do what any normal person would do with this information and write a long post no one but me is going to care about about my experience with this phenomenon.
avatar: the last airbender
original favorite: aang
current favorite: zuko
this is the most interesting one to me, and it also feels like it makes a great deal of sense both in terms of how i've changed since the first time i watched this show and also just how the show mechanically works. like... the first time you watch the first few seasons, prince zuko is unambiguously the bad guy for the first few seasons. the show even seems to go out of its way to show him being offered an off-ramp or two and not taking them. which is part of why him finally doing so feels so earned.
watching it the second time through was just a completely different experience. it didn't feel weird whenever zuko did something admirable. it didn't make me roll my eyes whenever he was Going Through It and showed us that he was hurting. it didn't make me angry to see him trying his best for a dad who would never love him. or rather, it did make me angry, very angry, but not at him.
i genuinely think atla is one of the shows that most rewards a rewatch. it was already one of my favorite shows of all time the first time i watched it, but i realized upon rewatching it that i was somehow underrating it in my memory.
star trek: the next generation
original favorite: captain picard
current favorite: riker
honestly there are a bunch of characters on this show i might've called my favorite on any given day when i was younger. i definitely went through phases with worf & geordi too. and embarrassingly i think my first favorite character was probably wesley. but i think the one i most consistently came back to was captain picard. he was aspirational. i wanted to be that good at listening to all sides of an issue but always, always making what i believed with strong moral conviction was the right choice, and being willing to put myself into the literal & figurative line of fire to defend my principles.
and don't get me wrong, there are still a lot of things i admire about picard. but also like... one other consistent thing about my favorite character years ago is that it was for sure never will riker. to be completely honest when i first watched the show i thought he was easily the most boring character. like, what even is a first officer? spock was that and a science officer at the same time. and on top of that the character himself is intentionally channeling the worst star trek captain? are you sure? and the thing that everyone likes about him is that he has a beard? (no offense to anyone but i don't find facial hair attractive.)
to be honest i still don't quite get the beard thing, but wow was i ever sleeping on this guy. will riker is my favorite tng character and it isn't particularly close. part of it is just finally noticing how dang charismatic jonathan frakes is in his unique kind of way, and how much he uses that charisma to be warm & reassuring and just... generally kind of a "good guy"? like, i hate star trek: picard, but i think seeing riker as a wholesome husband & dad is a big part of what made his character finally click for me. and going back & rewatching tng, it was hard not to notice how much he was constantly standing up for people and just... caring.
maybe that's just it. i like "boring" characters who care and want everyone to be ok and will do their best no matter what. and that's will riker.
and yeah, it helps that he's a slut.
star trek: deep space nine
original favorite: worf
current favorite: captain sisko
worf was my favorite star trek character for a good long time and there are still things i admire about him. i'll never not fall for that stupid-ass trick they pull every tng episode where he's having an interpersonal conflict in which he's been carrying the pigheaded idiot ball all episode, and he'll say something that sounds completely unredeemable and reminds you of all the reasons you're on the other person's side, but then he'll pause dramatically and start his next sentence with, "however." and immediately say the coolest shit you've ever heard that shows he's really Grown and Learned (but he'll forget by the next episode because while late-season tng got really good at having at least one character experience character development per episode, it wasn't until ds9 that they showed any signs of actually retaining what they learned from episode to episode).
also like... when we talk about autistic-coded characters i feel like worf often gets left out, but he's just... yeah, guys. yeah.
but on my last rewatch of ds9 it just became abundantly clear to me that captain sisko is the best star trek captain and it isn't especially close. he's every bit the paragon of virtue that picard is, but he's just... more human. more present. more willing to be transparent about what he's dealing with, more willing to talk through his weakness and biases, but still willing to accept the responsibility of command.
different doesn't have to mean better or worse, but especially with the way picard's character careened off the rails & burst into flames the further we got from season 7 of tng, sisko is just indisputably the best captain. and no disrespect to patrick stewart or anyone else who's ever been in front of that camera, but i think it's reasonably likely avery brooks is the best actor that's ever been on star trek. he's just incredible.
star trek: voyager
original favorite: seven of nine
current favorite: tuvok
i still like seven a lot, but tuvok was always one of my favorite characters on the show and rewatching the show really cemented it for me.
i especially like seeing the way he talks about emotions in a genuinely emotionally healthy way. he acknowledges their power, never says they're not real or unimportant, and then talks through them. it's just brilliant.
#star trek#star trek deep space nine#ds9#tng#star trek the next generation#star trek voyager#avatar#avatar the last airbender#atla
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stock dancing but it's all the fandoms i've ever been in
despite tumblr's accounts being called blogs, this is probably going to be the only "blog post" that I'll ever post. at least in the near future.
it's going to be a long one. disclaimer, it will contain some talk of things like fandom discourse, as well of mentions of Dead Dove topics, so scroll away if you need.
it will also be pretty personal, so I'm not adding all the tags for the fandoms and characters. this is mostly to those who know me.
I'll start at the beginning, in the best chronological order that I can remember. Not by order of appearance in the video, because I kept forgetting what came first when drawing the frames.
My Little Pony (Rarity) and Warrior Cats (Firestar)
These were my very first "fandoms." Before I even went to school, I discovered MLP on the television. I then proceeded to draw those stupid little ponies on the desk and some plastic containers. Thankfully it was with pencil, and not on any important containers and whatnot. Very glad I'm not a brony now, and very glad there was a human version so I didn't have to make a pony awkwardly dance.
Warrior cats was a series I read for a long time. I don't remember when I dropped it, but I just ended up losing interest. It has been stretched out by a lot by now, I believe. Warrior cats was also the first fandom that I "participated" in, by using Amino. Somehow, miraculously, I got out unscathed. By that, I mean no "safe adults" or suspicious people approached me. Not that I would've fallen for it after listening to internet safety week. Firestar is at the end of the animation because, well, it's difficult to make a non-anthro cat dance the same way as people do.
It's funny, because these two are most associated with people becoming furries later on in life, and somehow I am the only one who doesn't take much of an interest in furries within my friend group.
LittleBigPlanet (Sackboy) and Vocaloid (Miku)
LBP wasn't something that I was really "in a fandom" for, but I definitely really enjoyed playing it with my best friend and even made my own username based on it. I remember playing LBP, LBP2, and LBP3, and the disaster that was LBP3 because after finishing the story, none of it would load properly. Tons of surfaces and props would just be missing. Still, it's a nice game to look back on.
I will be honest, this is probably the first Miku I've drawn. Vocaloid has just been a thing in my life since discovering it back... I don't remember when, but the first music that went in playlists of music I liked to listen to was generally made with vocaloid or other voice synthesizers. Miku has always been there, somehow.
*not to be mistaken with AI voice generators, as people actually agree to provide their voice for the voice synthesizers
Marvel (Winter Soldier), Pokemon (Misty), Yandere Simulator (stand in- Vera)
I never drew anything for Marvel, except for the above frame. My family watched it when I was younger, everyone watched it before it started falling off after the infinity stones thing got resolved. The only reason I put it here was because I definitely read fanfiction for it, and definitely thought there was something fruity about america and his best friend. I mean, you find yourself in the future and everyone you've ever known is dead except wait, your best friend isn't, but he's brainwashed and now you have to kill him, so you betray the government and all your new friends instead to try and reach him. Shame that kind of story was stuck in the mcu.
Pokemon was an interesting phase. I drew Pokemon in ms paint, but never any of the humans. I had (still have some) Pokemon plushes and watched the first Pokemon anime on Netflix when it was still on there. I also watched the one with Serena. This was also the fandom that I first discovered porn. And tentacles. So if you ask me why, it's because of Pokemon. It's rather funny, because once again, I seem to be the only one in the friend group who doesn't take an interest in Pokemon anymore.
Yandere Simulator was discovered in elementary school. Because it's been shown that the dev was found to be interacting inappropriately with minors, I have not drawn the protagonist of the game and instead used an OC of mine as a stand in. All you need to know about Vera is that he is not a good person. I used to draw for this fandom back in my Amino days, just a bit, but ended up dropping it because of more and more people pointing out his incompetency. Plus, the complaint that to do anything in game you would have to watch the videos on YouTube, thus making a blind playthrough impossible. As well as his "sex license" comment, which was more than enough to turn me away from that game.
That aside, YanSim was my first exposure to the "yandere" trope- the obsessive, possessive type characters. In the game, it was done in a very bland way, but I like the general idea of the trope. Its influence still drives me towards certain preferences of mine in other fandoms, but I'd rather attribute that to Araki, who apparently popularized the trope with Yukako. I guess this is probably where my interest in "bad things happening in fiction" started.
Don't Hug Me I'm Scared (Sketchbook), Don't Starve (Willow), Cookie Run (Roguefort Cookie)
Initially, DHMIS was going to be my second or third fandom on the list, but I realized that I got into it when I was old enough to have an email address, and not before. Hence, now it's down here. I ended up using that popular design of the human sketchbook to be recognizable. It was an interesting fandom, and also another from my Amino days. I don't know who came up with the idea of the sketchbook and the clock having a love-hate relationship, but looking back on it, they might've been cooking. I remember joining a discord server for it, having my phone get taken away, and then coming back and the server was about the grinch. I also remember that this was the first time I actually interacted with the community and talking to the others within the fandom, since the Amino community was pretty small. I look back at it and cringe, because there are so many things I did for attention. Instead of linking back to a person, I would put emojis around the link with sunglasses and pointing hands saying "This idea came from 😎 👉 this person." All that aside, this is probably where my interest in horror started.
The only reason I remembered that I was technically in the Don't Starve fandom was because I went looking in my folder of drawings and found some there. Then I remembered that yes, I had also read fanfiction for it. Mostly, though, it was a videogame that I played with my family. I ended up using the charcoal pencil brush here for Willow, instead of the pen, to mimic the artstyle just a bit.
Cookie Run is a fandom that I was in, and only get back in briefly whenever Roguefort is in an event. I also first discovered it due to an artist on tumblr who I followed for DHMIS. No idea where they are now because I can't remember the correct spelling of the username. Other than that, I just play the game, which I have been playing since before high school. Now I am out of high school. It was also the fandom that I believe was probably responsible for a good amount of my early art improvement, due to some art challenge where you drew every cookie. Overall, fond memories, but I'd rather not return to the fandom. Too much drama, too many people making big fusses over dumb shit. The Valentine's Day video being an especially dumb one, especially when you consider that maybe, putting in offensive stereotypes contributes to bad perceptions of real life people vs some ship between biscuits. I even remember asking, when I was younger, "Should I ship Pink Choco cookie with White Choco cookie or Hero cookie? I can't decide." Poor little me didn't know about multishipping, and the answer I got was that "Some people headcanon the Choco cookies as siblings, so it's safer to ship her with Hero." Well, now that I'm older, I have decided that I don't have the energy to act like fictional ships anywhere near the same level as real relationships and problems, and would probably ship both were I still interested in the fandom.
Team Fortress 2 (Sniper), Doki Doki Literature Club (Monika), Jojo's Bizzare Adventure (Kakyoin)
Yes, I was in the TF2 fandom. I barely played the game but I usually played as Medic when I did. I also realize that as I type this out, this might have been the original old men thing. Or at least, some of the oldest. I drew them a lot, and I wrote a fic that I orphaned some years later out of shame. It had a werewolf in it for some reason, and was multiple chapters. Although each chapter was only about 1000 words, compared to my current long-term multichapter fic which easily have 2000+ a chapter. Well, aside from that, I don't know why I liked Sniper the most. He throws piss in bottle and I will say, piss is something I avoid if I can. It's in my muted words somewhere.
I never personally played DDLC. I did watch playthrough of it, and seeing people's reactions to some of the stuff was always enjoyable. Yes, Monika was my favorite, and still is. I can't say with certainty why she is, but maybe I just found her the most interesting out of all the characters. This fandom I remember drawing for because this is where one of my OCs originated from, although that character I am only really remembering as I type this out, despite repurposing her.
JJBA. I cannot say that I look back at my time here happily. This is probably where I first started learning about the current state of fandom (ie, Not Good) and getting a bit of personal experience with it. At the time, I did enjoy it. I enjoyed talking in a ship server (A) about it, and another general server (B) about it. It was great and all, until A started blowing up. Which wouldn't be a problem if it didn't have a blacklist of topics that anyone could add to. They're useful in smaller circles, yes, but in large public servers, most things are going to end up being blacklisted. I remember dresses and "positive talk about mothers" being blacklisted, and eventually I got too anxious that I would say something on the blacklist to speak at all. B was okay, and I even tried to get over my fear of talking to strangers in voice chat by joining one during a whiteboard or something similar where everyone draws on the same canvas. I later ended up deleting all 200+ of my messages there and leaving. Why? Because the members of the server did not know the concept of "block and move on." "Scroll away." "Ignore things that you don't like online." A popular artist in the fandom was brought up and the people started trashing on them because of their wedding, which was apparently themed with the favorite JoJo ship. (But honestly, if someone wanted to theme their wedding to a ship I would respect the hell out of them.) The reason I ended up leaving that server was because they started saying stuff like, "It's creepy and weird, because the characters are minors so there's probably something wrong with that person," and implying such things over a JoJo ship of all things. (And, it gets into the territory of the "violent videogames are the cause of vioence" argument. Do you think that because I particularly enjoy using shotguns in videogames because I find them satisfying means that I want to go out and shoot real people with a shotgun? The state of gun control in the US is awful, and if anything, I want less guns.) And, generally, judging things by how "weird" they are rather than whether it harms or helps people is too arbitrary of a measure. Unfortunately, this was far from the last time that I would see serious accusations made on the basis of dumb shit, and now I am doubtful of most callout posts.
Other than that, at least I know all the Jojo references people complain about seeing all the time. Although, now that I'm not into JoJo, I don't actually see that many jokes about it.
Helltaker (Malina) and Weak Hero (Alex)
Malina gets two frames because she unluckily got the one that did not show her face. I can't say I remember much about the Helltaker community, but this was the community that I posted on Reddit to. Since then I have not used Reddit, but it was a good game and people seemed nice, at least from what I remember. Azazel was the one I drew the most, but Malina is a gamer girl, so I chose her for this.
I only remember Weak Hero because I saw that I drew a total of two images for this fandom. I discovered it on Webtoon, and joined a server which I have long since left, and that's all I can remember. Other than that, it was a webtoon with fighting and that's all I can say.
Omori (Omori) and Genshin Impact (Xinyan)
Omori was the first rpgmaker game I actually drew things for, although most of these drawings consisted of Sweetheart. Although I do like Ib and The Witch's House and Corpse Party, I never really went into the fandom. There wasn't much else to it, but the plot of Omori was good and it led me to discover one of my favorite artists, who, unfortunately, has left the internet. I wish them well.
Xinyan is here because she was and still is one of my favorites from the game. I wish she got better treatment from the game, especially gameplay-wise. I haven't drawn much for this game, due to the level of detail on outfits, but I did still play it for two years and read fanfiction for it. Lately I've just been watching videos for the story quest, though. Uninstalling it gave me 50+ GB back of space on my computer. About the Genshin fandom... JoJo may have been my first real bad experience with how online communities are, but this was my first time seeing how widespread it was. Lots of baseless accusations, fighting over headcanons, telling people awful things because they dislike a character... Well, the post that says the best way to enjoy fandom is to enjoy it with a small circle becomes more and more correct.
OC era (Left to Right- Aster @/sepialkali, Lucy @/hattiestgal, Alason @/moonlightguardianmoon, Zion @/sweet-pattycakes, Bisu/Sparrow @/monarch-orien, and Danaus)
For this one I realized that I had leftover blank frames at the end of the animation, and asked my friends for their ocs to fill in. This era lasted a very long time, and started because I discovered Tupperbox. Since then, my characters have become a lot less watered down as I drifted away from roleplay, and most of the things I do with them is just art now. Two of them are getting a sort of visual novel story thing made of them though, if that counts for anything.
Nu:Carnival (Kuya), Stardew Valley (Elliott), Wildfrost (Tusk)
Despite playing this game for a sizeable amount of time, the most I've done for this fandom was read fics and draw an event character once. Somehow, despite the bland gameplay, I have made a habit of continuing to play the game. I used Kuya because he's the only character I consistently roll for.
I first played Stardew Valley a long time ago without mods, and then forgot about it for a few years. When I came back to it earlier this year, I thought it would be funny to install mods that makes characters into crazy yanderes. It was definitely entertaining, although most of them were pretty standard. I will give massive props to whoever made the Elliott one, because they added events and schedule changes and a lot more than just dialogue changes. Anyways, the reason this is here is because I decided, on a whim one day, to start writing a very long fic for Stardew. This was at the beginning of the year, and it is not even halfway through right now. Then I lost interest in the game while retaining an interest in writing the fic, somehow.
Wildfrost I picked up near the beginning of the year. It doesn't have much of a story, and there's little fanart because of that, but the character designs are pretty good. I still play it daily, and Tusk is still a good unit, because it's basically free damage.
Honkai Star Rail (Peepaw Welt), The Greatest Estate Developer (Lloyd), The Coffin of Andy and Leyley (Ashley)
Honkai Star Rail remains on my computer, but I cannot find the energy to open and play it. Each new character becomes its own meta, and the gameplay loop isn't that enjoyable anymore. During the time that I did, however, I had my 50/50s ruined twice by Welt, which is why he is here. Otherwise I would've chosen Tingyun or Yanqing instead. Gameplay aside, I am lucky to have found a good community for this fandom through a ship server, as an almost complete mirror of the previous servers I was in for JoJo. They are what keeps me in the fandom.
TGED was a very short era that lasted for less than a month. During that time, however, I was afflicted by the demons, and drew and even wrote a decent amount (at least for my standards.) Funnily enough, what drove me away from it was the server I was in for it. This fandom is a very small one, and so the server had probably the majority of active fandom members that could speak English. What made me leave was the poor moderation and some immaturity from some members. Links to NSFW fanart was allowed in the same channel as SFW fanart, NSFW conversations wouldn't always be in the NSFW channel... Which, if it was an adults only server, would've been fine, but it is not, and I feel that this server is a genuine safety concern with the NSFW problem.
TCOAAL was a game I watched a playthrough of when it first came out, and then I saw the chaos that happened when it blew up with the release of the second chapter. I personally found it very entertaining, with the way people didn't have a problem with cannibalism and murder and cults until they found out there was an ending with incest, and suddenly the game was a bad game you shouldn't play. Although if you look at the Steam reviews most people don't care because, well, it's only a game. This game also served as a bit of a precursor. I find codependency in ships interesting, but I am only slightly interested in the game. I don't think about it that much, for some reason. Maybe that'll change when more chapters are released.
The S-Classes That I Raised (Han Yoojin)
If you take a quick scroll through my account, you can probably tell that this is my current fandom. Funnily enough, the server that brought me into this was one I joined while trying to get out of TGED. I suppose it only worked because I read it on Webtoon awhile ago. This server is a lot better kept, although maybe it's because it's strictly an 18+ server. As well as that, it's a smaller community within the fandom, because the server's subject is inherently tied to one of the Big Dead Dove topics, so there's a lot less worrying about drama starting over that sort of stuff. To my mutuals, I will not talk about weird dead dove stuff that I'm into unless asked to, so don't worry about it. Some sort of codependency just makes me go crazy. Unfortunately, I was not able to fit him next to another image to make Tumblr make him smaller, and had to remove one of Malina's frames to fit the 30 image limit.
If any of my friends are reading all the way down to here, thanks! I'm very lucky to have you guys as friends, and I hope we can stay friends for a long time.
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10 fandoms, 10 characters, 10 tags
Basic rules: choose 10 fandoms that you are part of/support, and choose a favorite character from each of those. Then, tag ten folks!
Tagged by: @miqojak
This isn't in any particular order and I honestly had to think really hard of fandoms because I don't tend to be a 'loud' fan about the things. I just kind of enjoy taking in the movies/books/whatever and definitely have my favorites.
So long story short, I had to eyeball my Steam, think about my favorite games, and some of my favorite books that are actually fandoms and not stand-alone. Also, because I can't ever pick just one, I did include an honorable mention (or two) in each of the fandoms. And I will try not to gush too much about each character.
Tagging (so you don't have to scroll all the way down): @actualanxiousswampwitch @ainyan @calico-heart @seasaltandcopper @ythealleycat @airis-ray @valdiis @avashnea @starrysnowdrop @lost-harts @mimble-sparklepudding @pinxli
1. Haurchefant Greystone, Final Fantasy 14 - Probably no surprise to anyone who knows me, but I've always had a soft spot for Haurchefant. He was one of the first characters in the game who really felt like a friend to my character in a 'pure' sort of way and who never asked the Warrior to do anything he wouldn't do. He was brave, honest, loyal, and full of heart despite a very difficult childhood and upbringing. And he died protecting someone he cared about. Whether or not he's considered romantic about the person's particular Warrior, he was always their friend and someone who supported them when few would.
Honorable Mentions from FFXVI: Thancred Water, Emet-Selch, Tataru, Estinien, and probably a bunch of others. Lots of good characters!
2. Kaladin Stormblessed, Stormlight Archives - Love or hate Brandon Sanderson, it has to be admitted, that he puts out a lot of books that are interesting and full of diverse characters and worlds. One of my personal favorites is definitely Kaladin from the Stormlight Archives. Kaladin is someone who battles openly with depression and PTSD (like actually acknowledged and mentioned in the story) but is also kind, caring, determined, brave and does his best. He's flawed, moody, and damaged, but also battles to help both himself and others. He is one of the few people who is an advocate for veterans like him to get proper, kind care in the stories as well, which is a rarity in fantasy novels.
Honorable Mentions from the Stormlight Archives: Adolin, Dalanar,, Szeth, and Shallan.
3. Samwise Gamgee, Lord of the Rings - I don't know how anyone can not at least like Samwise. Yes, he's not always the brightest but he's the bravest in my opinion. He's constantly afraid, yes, but he never lets it stop him from doing what he knows in his heart is right. He loves deeply and unconditionally and without him, they would never have succeeded. He takes the worst moment and finds some good, some reason to push past. He's, to me, the kind of person I hope I can be in life. Sam is just a really great character in the movies (the books are not quite the same, but he's still pretty dang good).
Honorable Mentions from Lord of the Rings: Legolas, Aragorn, Eowyn, and others.
4. Reth, Palia - Palia is a fairly new little "cozy" MMO and has its flaws, but the characters are pretty good! So since I've been playing, I'll mention some of my favorites. Reth is a chef who is kind of bad at cooking, but he's funny, sassy, flirty, and charming. He also hides a lot of issues due to the story (that I can't really spill without so many spoilers). The more you get to know him, the deeper he gets and he's actually a really sweet person who values you a lot the more you get to know him.
Honorable Mentions from Palia: Hassian, Jel, Eshe, Ashura, and Delaila and others!
5. Rolan, Baldur's Gate 3 - Look, I know he's barely more than a side character, but I really love Rolan. He's grumpy, he's brash, and he's an absolute jerk...but he deeply loves his siblings, he's very loyal, he's brave, and he has some deep self-worth issues. In short, he is a delight and I love him and I would throw a certain someone off a tower a hundred times for this tiefling.
Honorable Mention from Baldur's Gate 3: Halsin (no surprise), Astarion (look, he's damaged and I love him), Dammon, Karlach, Wyll, and...oh my goodness, so many others. I don't have one SUPER FAVORITE, but I wanted to pick a slightly unusual favorite for my list.
6. Shane, Stardew Valley - Again, no shocker that depressed chicken-man is my favorite. Granted, I think the mods that give him more help him so, so, so much to be a better character, but even at his 'vanilla' version, I find Shane a sympathetic character and one that touched my heart quite a bit. I very much can understand Shane's feelings toward his depression, his life, and how hard things can be. And mods certainly help your story with him to help him become a somewhat healthier person. And I really like that.
Honorable Mention from Stardew Valley: Abigail, Elliot, Marlon, and a bunch of others!
7. Arcade Gannon, Fallout: New Vegas - He's a sassy gay nerd that I'm totally into. He's brilliant, he's witty, he's charming, he's a bit of an ass, but he's also vulnerable, surprisingly deep, and very kind when he can be. So he's definitely one of my favorite New Vegas characters.
Honorable Mentions in Fallout: New Vegas: ED-E, Boone, and Rex!
8. Arthur Morgan, Red Dead Redemption 2 - I understand that the player's choices have a big effect on what kind of character Arthur Morgan is, of course. That said, I found him really well-written, full of depth, and the story overall very moving, especially if you go for high honor.
Honorable Mentions from Red Dead Redemption 2: Dutch, Abigail, John Marston, and others.
9. Zenith, Star Wars: The Old Republic - People think I'm nuts, but I actually love the Jedi Consular storyline. And my favorite companion is Zenith. He's an interesting balance to the Jedi Consular (at least if you play the Light side), and I always enjoyed that he had a strong personality and wasn't easy to budge. He wasn't completely unreasonable in most cases, but I liked that he didn't always let himself be swayed by the player character. He was a deeply damaged, but incredibly loyal and strong-willed person. Also, Troy Baker does amazing voices.
Honorable Mentions from Star Wars: The Old Republic: Theron Shan, Koth Vortena, Lana Beniko, Corso Riggs, and a lot more!
10. Dogmeat, Fallout 4 - So I did two Fallouts. Because I love Dogmeat that much. Dogmeat is the goodest boy and my best friend in the game. Yes, occasionally, Dogmeat blows me up...or ruins something entirely. But he is adorable and precious and my good friend. He makes the wastelands bearable.
Honorable Mentions from Fallout 4: Nick Valentine, Preston Garvery, Piper Write, John Hannock, and more!
If you read all this, thank you for doing so. I tried not to make it too long or include a bunch of spoilers.
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TW Fatphobia, self worth issues
Hey so I have a question and it's cool if you don't want to answer because I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but how you find someone who's willing to date you while fat? I've been fat ever since I hit puberty and I've never found someone even willing to give me a chance, much less actually appreciate my body, despite being very extroverted and asking out lots of people I've been attracted to. Most of the time people legitimately looked horrified and weren't exactly nice with their rejections of me, while the nicest were very firm that they'd never give me a chance because of my body. I'm 23 and I know that that's super young in the scheme of things and that worth doesn't come from people being attracted to you, but the persistent rejection on the basis of my appearance has done a real number on me and my self worth at this point, especially knowing that I'm a trans guy and autistic on top of it which doesn't help people liking or appreciating me. I kind of doubt that anyone will tolerate my body, much less actually like it at this point, so I was wondering if you had any advice because I really like your fat positivity stuff and you seem to be in a very happy relationship. Thanks for any advice you might have!!
Hello!! This is a little bit of a tough question since there is never one perfect solution to social situations like this, but I'll try my best 😅
I think that a really good idea for fat people trying to date is to engage with fat positive communities. For example, my girlfriend found me through my TMA comics, and she was attracted to the way that I draw Martin (that is to say, fat as he should be). We later became friends, and then eventually started dating. In fandoms for media that has good fat representation, you're far more likely to find people who are into that.
THAT BEING SAID, I think this is important for a lot of people but especially fat folks: keep things platonic for a while to get to know the person and suss out whether you can trust them before romance comes up. In fact, I would say to not even focus on searching for romantic partners. Just look for like-minded people who you can be friends/feel safe with, and then eventually romantic feelings might develop. Chubby chasers can be totally fine and safe, there's nothing wrong with having a preference for fat bodies! But fetishism is unfortunately a problem for fat people. Don't let yourself be objectified, unless you're into that (which is totally okay, but REALLY do some introspection to decide whether you're actually into that rather than just tolerating it for the sake of staying in a relationship). You are worth more than someone's fetish. Just because it's harder for us to find partners doesn't mean you should settle for someone who doesn't treat you right.
If you want to go for dating apps or anything like that, be honest about your body. I know there's a temptation to only add headshots in your pictures if you're feeling insecure, but you're far more likely to get hurt that way if you end up matching with a fatphobe. Also, again, take it slow! The most important thing (in my opinion, I'm not an expert) is to make sure you can trust the person before jumping into a relationship.
Also, yes, 23 is super young. Try to resist the anxiety that makes you feel like dating is a rat race! There isn't a set age to find your people or settle down, even if society tries its best to push that on us. Focus on yourself first! Make friends, develop healthy habits (without worrying about weight loss, just being healthy at any weight), and get really into your interests. You'll find your people naturally over time, and romance comes with community. I know this is really annoying and generic advice, but it's just the truth :P The people who are attracted to you naturally gravitate to you when you show your authentic self to the world.
#I hope this helps? I've been thinkin about my answer all morning 😅#It's always hard to give advice for this kinda stuff#since no one piece of advice works for every situation#but there's hope don't worry#more people are into fatness than mainstream media would have you believe 😉 trust me#lyla trivia hour#long post#fat positivity
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Aita for blocking a friend on instinct? So i (f16) have this friend, (m16) we can call him D, who i've been friends with since kindergarten.
About a year ago, i started growing very close to D through our friend group's dnd campaign we held every friday. I knew him for a long time but that was the first time we had started hanging out out of school. We were talking on snapchat every night just chatting and after a while he started to send much more... revealing snaps. Just his bare shoulders but like without a shirt. He said it was because he had to let his medication for his back dry. I was a little uncomfortable, but we were friends so i didnt think that it would escalate into anything weird.
After about a month, D starts sending snaps in a towel and pictures of his chest which made me very uncomfortable. I kind of let the chatting die down after that because it was the only way i could think of that would be enough to gently let him down easy (i was wrong). I stopped going to the hangouts with that group and kind of distanced myself because how uncomfortable D made me. This only made D try harder to get my attention.
I was still friends with the others in the group so i would often have one-on-one hangouts with the others and watch tv. One thing we watched was Miraculous and we laughed and joked about it all the time. D overheard us or something and went home and binge watched the entire series in a week. Then everytime i ate lunch with that friend group, D would always make direct references to Miraculous or sing the theme song really loud. This wasnt once a day, D would make miraculous references every single minute. He became obsessed with the show (which, for reference of how weird it was, D is a very religious Christian boy. He gets upset if he gets an A- and never drinks caffeine (no problem with any of those things but just understand that kind of guy being deep within the fandom of Miraculous out of all shows 😭)). It was so bad, and it once again was making me very uncomfortable.
Eventually, it got to an insufferable point where D changed his route to go home and made sure to pass me every day after school and wave. I started avoiding him in the halls, he would always ask obscure questions that werent that important. I couldn't understand why he couldn't get that i didnt want to be friends with him anymore so i set boundaries.
A text i sent to D: i apologize if i ever caused any misunderstanding, but i would like to make it clear that im not romantically interested in you. i can see that you have been trying to grow closer, but i dont feel the same way. i don't appreciate being followed around, and i dont like when people force themselves to like the same things i like. its not attractive to be a copy of someone. i enjoy being your friend but it's difficult to disregard these things. if im being totally honest, when you do things like this, it makes me really uncomfortable and borderline creeped out. i know crushes wont disappear overnight but i would appreciate more space. if youre looking for a girlfriend, this isnt the right person, nor the right way to get it. and i wont tell anyone about this so dont worry about word spreading or anything. thank you
D's response: Oh, I'm so sorry I made you think that! I don't have a crush on you, I just noticed how you don't hang out with our friend group as often and I just wanted to make sure that I was being as nice as possible to make sure you weren't mad at us or anything. I did start to think that maybe me trying all that made me seem clingy or annoying, so I'm really sorry for all of that. Thanks for bringing this to my attention, I'll try to do better now!
This didnt sit right with me because after all of that i cannot fathom how that translates to "i wanted to include you". This made me question a lot about the situation.
Reasons i feel like i MBTA: i'm over thinking things and D could be a genuinely a nice person. Its hard for me to read the room and i need to work on that and probably apologize to D.
Reasons i feel like i MNBTA: i should trust my instincts rather than ignore them. I've had a psychological abuser in my family before and the situation could be a stalker behavior that i've learned is not ok to have.
What are these acronyms?
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