#because i think there should be something more written but i didn't write it

[ere-the-sun-rises]

Y'know, my sister reads a lot of fantasy and romantasy books written by men and women and I've noticed a few things.

1 - "Fairy smut". What the fuck does this mean? What the fuck are you referring to here? What are the conditions that make it so? Because otherwise it just sounds derogatory to an outsider like me.

My sister read a series authored by a man (not GoT) that had copious - arguably even gratuitous - amounts of sex it in. Graphic sex, both consentual and not. Sex that arguably did not serve the plot or mean anything to the character. It didn't build depth or attachment or do worldbuilding - it was just there. The woman the MC wound up with was underdeveloped and kinda inane, but he still got one despite eschewing women's company most of the series and being hostile to any he came across. Is that not "fairy smut" too? It had lots of sex in a fantasy world - does that not count or something? Was it the rape and/or sexual coersion that disqualifies it? Because more than one of the "booktok" romantasy books have that too.

And arguably, all the sex that happens in romantasy books DIRECTLY serves the plot of the book. That's it's primary objective. So, checkmate, I guess.

2 - Content warnings. I've noticed women authors have started to put little spoiler-free warnings flagging things like rape or sexual abuse content while other "regular fantasy" books don't.

This isn't a complaint so much as a curious observation. Perhaps these women have fanfic roots or realize that getting jumpscared by a graphic rape scene is not very fun. (That is a personal experience - was reading a book about dragon riding and literally out of nowhere the MC got graphically and violently raped by an otherwise inconsequential character. Afterwards, the book moved on like it hadn't happened and I was so upset I never finished it.) I actually quite like those little notes. Maybe more authors should do it, but I also understand why they might not.

3 - "Romantasy". What? Why? It's just fucking Fantasy, babes. I was always under the impression that Romance books were real-world AUs, be it present or historical (ei. regency, medieval, etc.) and Fantasy books were defined by elements of supernatural/creatures/other humanoid species/taking place Not Here. If a book has a fantasy setting, it's a fantasy book. Does that make sense?

And don't get me wrong - I understand that there is genre crossover. I'm not saying that's bad or wrong or non-existent. My point is that labelling it separately demeans it. Kind of like when Sci-Fi disinherited the dystopia!AU progenitors that formed YA.

[Side Tangent] Let's be real here, dystopia!AUs are Sci-Fi. Halo: SILENT STORM and The Hunger Games are both about a 15 year old forced into a do-or-die situation where failure and/or disobedience can get them killed and their whole home annihilated. Never thought Master Chief and Katniss Everdeen might have something in common, huh?

4 - I think men should read fantasy romance more, actually.

A lot of men whine about not having access to the way women think or want to be wooed. Well sweetheart, work your way around a few of these books and you'll have a better idea. Just be aware that some of the stuff you'll encounter is kink shit (ei. anything about being "tamed" is kink fr fr - she wants to be taken care of without having to ask for it and by god does that get her off).

Also, it will improve your dirty talk. Ever wonder why women can summon up some of the nastiest, filthiest dirty talk you've ever heard? Because they read and/or write it. Who knows, maybe you'll discover something about yourself too. After all, porn only shows you how it looks, it doesn't describe how it feels.

[st6rly]

moze x gn!reader. mainly his pov. warning for light mentions of food / cooking. thanks @veraties for this and sending me down a mini writing / character thing abt moze <33

there was this mozeqiu fic i read that had a very similar concept. except courting through gifts and acts of service was written to be a foxian tradition. moze didn't exactly realize his gift giving and cooking and helping jiaoqiu in the aftermath of his blindness was seen as something so affectionate. 

moze is someone who is duty bound. though he has his free will now, he will be tied to tasks. perhaps taking care of you is one of them. he cooks because you both need to eat to live—though, living is such an odd concept for someone who hadn't been living until after his rotten childhood—and cleans because his mind does not rest until the house is. 

one day, when you don't show up to a planned meeting, he finds out you're sick. it's obvious to him that he should care. everything is neatly done, put away on shelves, not a speck of dust despite being bed-ridden—not because you were seriously ill, but because moze refused to let you move too much. 

and it starts off small. the flowers he collects aren't much. he saw you eye those rare bouquets at a market once, a market you persuaded him to walk through despite the aversion. he folds because of course he does. it's... his duty. he swears by it always. flowers aren't uncommon, but they aren't commonality either. the yaoqing rarely sees these blossoms in homes. he finds a stray one on a shift. opening up between the cracks of a wooden deck, he severs the bud at the base, tucking it away in a pocket, careful not to crush the delicate petals. 

he comes across two more. or, rather, he finds two more; head in the mission, heart to the ground, moze can't stop... stopping by each glimmer of colour in the night. 

he leaves then on your doorstep later after his shift. delicate. moze thinks this is a delicate process. he is not a delicate man, but that muscle that beats so fast around you says otherwise. he doesn't know why. no. he does know why, but doesn't want to acknowledge why. 

the nest time you drag him into the daylight, he watches you admire the delicate porcelain holding scalding tea. the same night, you find pieces of old, worn, tea cups with intricate designs along the shattered side. 

it continues. sometimes you accept, sometimes he is left to try again. and again. and he tries for a reason that is so unknown to him; his fingers twitch at the thought of what to bring next. realistically, moze knows he's in love. the signs point to his bleeding heart and warm neck, the pulse that flutters when you brush too close. even the general herself has budged him here and there. but moze doesn't know how he could confess. not when he hasn't the perfect gift. and though he could finally write a note, paper and ink can only describe those tender feelings to such a degree. 

one night, you awake to the sound of a knock on the door. creeping closer, you peek out. on the ground, on the doorstep, is a dagger. the handle is worn, leather rubbed and discoloured in some areas. the decorations along the hilt are muddied. the blade is broken. 

[gwenllian-in-the-abbey]

how would you "redo" house of the dragons??? i agree with alot of your critics so i'm curious how you'd personally fix them!

Hi anon! I've thought about this and discussed it so much over the past couple years since HotD started so I'm glad you asked!

To start, I think when making an adaptation and not a retelling or a reimagining, there is a certain duty on the part of the production to be faithful to the spirit of the original, if not to the letter. George himself wrote last year, in a a piece that was praising Shogun for being a masterclass in adaptation:

Everywhere you look, there are more screenwriters and producers eager to take great stories and “make them their own.”   It does not seem to matter whether the source material was written by Stan Lee, Charles Dickens, Ian Fleming, Roald Dahl, Ursula K. Le Guin, J.R.R. Tolkien, Mark Twain, Raymond Chandler, Jane Austen, or… well, anyone.   No matter how major a writer it is, no matter how great the book, there always seems to be someone on hand who thinks he can do better, eager to take the story and “improve” on it.   “The book is the book, the film is the film,” they will tell you, as if they were saying something profound.   Then they make the story their own.

With George's books in particular, and a fandom that was burned by one flawed adaptation already, I would take particular care not to change the themes, characters, or storylines of the book. If I didn't like the book to begin with, I should not be adapting it for film or television. Particularly with a living author, I think there needs to be a certain level of care taken when handling someone else's words that I think Ryan Condal in particular has failed to demonstrate.

There was an interview with George before S1 aired ( in which he talked about how he'd originally had the idea to actually use the framing device of a maester and maybe his apprentice, sifting through different stories, and we'd get to see the different versions played out, with the framing device characters adding commentary. I think that could have been very cool if done well. Something a bit like Rashomon or more recently, The Last Duel. This idea sticks closer to the spirit of F&B and doesn't force the writers into choosing one objective true telling. It would also be a good chance to get a bit creative with the fantasy genre, and to do something that would not constantly be compared to Game of Thrones.

However, if we were keeping to the straight linear narrative that is meant to portray some sort of objective truth, I would start by asking myself, what is this story trying to say? What is this story about? I'd sit down with George and ask him the same thing. I'd try to make it feel true to the setting and I'd try to write it as a balanced conflict without framing either side as having the clear moral high ground (wars of succession, by their very nature, are not moral conflicts because feudal monarchy isn't a moral system. an individual's right to sit on the throne does not supersede the people's right to peace and stability, morally speaking). I'd respect the source material while making necessary adjustments due to budget, practical constraints, streamlining the story, etc., but I would not change the essence of the story. The Dance of the Dragons was not written to be a story about two women who are unable to let go of their love for each other even though they are forced to be on opposite sides of a war. That sounds like a great story, but it's an original story, not an adaptation.

I'm not going to bother with a point by point breakdown because there are so many things I'd do differently at this point, but also I don't think it's necessarily the specific changes themselves that have made this show the mess that it is but rather an overall disconnect between the source material and the show's creators. So I'd try to avoid that disconnect, not to be a "book purist," but because I would not choose to adapt a story I didn't believe in as written.

[war-in-time]

one of the things that stood out to me while reading sotr it's its inconsistency throughout the whole book. why haymitch didn't get killed by snow? he was not as valuable as beetee, so i don't understand. the kid clearly had an agenda of some sorts that was showing, so what was the reason? collins gave us none. and all i could think about while reading his time in the arena was: how much wasted potential we got here. i don't know, i guess i was waiting for some kind of torture (snow loves it) like the birds in cf when katniss and finnick had to hear their loved ones screaming in terror, something that said: my guy, i'm watching your every move and if you wanna play some kind of twisted game i'll show you how much of a good player i am myself. instead.. we got nothing much apart from haymitch being some kind of pawn in plutarch and beetee's big flop of a plan (and the milk). and i'll say it: who else recruits some average kid for a rebellion plan? y'all don't even know him! treason and betrayal are meaningless words to you? haymitch could've easily sold plutarch to snow at any given moment but as mayselee put it, he doesn't have a backbone (or was this suzanne trying to sell us the idea of haymitch having morals after all? this and all the newcomer stuff). worst of all, plutarch himself gets away with it while haymitch loses everything - the man's not even remorseful or helps the naive child he recruited after the games, he just says something in the lines of: yeah i'm sorry shit happened we handpicked you but turns out the odds were not in your favor .. lmfao are you kidding me! and then what happens in the trilogy? haymitch once again tries to have faith in plutarch even though this means the possible sacrifice of the only two children he's, let's say, fond of. and what happens once again? haymitch loses someone he cares about - peeta - and i can't recall a moment of tension between haymitch and plutarch that katniss witnesses or hears of. sure, it could've happened off screen but really? if i was him i would've strangled the man and side eyed him the whole time. wasn't after all his fault if his ma, brother and love of his life got killed? because he made him believe he could some change, even when he himself didn't believe in it? poor haymitch, in the end he ended up just like gale: used and then tossed away like he was nothing, blaming himself for something he had a hand in but was not entirely his fault

This won’t be the answer you want but Haymitch didn’t get killed by snow because he had plot armour. We know that Haymitch is the victor of his games so there was never going to be any real tension in the book regarding his safety. That being said; if Collins wanted to write about Haymitch doing more during his games instead of just walking towards the edge of the arena, she could have done so without adding in a subplot that would get any normal character that didn’t have plot armour killed.

If she did want to keep the very stupid “blowing up water tank subplot” she needed to write the conflict from that point on in the book a lot better, stronger, and overall more believably. This is actually where I’m hoping the screen writers for the movie will do a better job, I’m hoping they’ll see that Haymitch needs to be under attack from this moment onwards because they definitely won’t cutting the water tank destruction from the movie.

Haymitch needed to be chased by mutts as soon as he got out of the tunnel from where he blew up the tank. When the control room got flooded it should have had consequences on the whole arena. I genuinely thought that the volcano would blow because of his interference, but if I’m remembering correctly it didn’t happen until a day or so later. It is wasted potential because we don’t even get to see any real lasting consequences of his actions in the arena. Not just some trees bleeding but the entire arena actually going wonky. Clearly this was all a very badly written subplot in concept and worse in execution.

I think I’ve brought this one up before but you’re right, why would two rebels recruit a random teenager they don’t know? For all they knew he could have gone up to Snow and been like: “hey~ I just had two of your people tell me they want to blow up the arena, if we can make some kind of deal that gets me home alive I’ll tell you who they are.” Haymitch has no reason to trust Plutarch or Beetee, and they have no reason to trust him. Haymitch wasn’t even a rebel according to sotr, Lenore was. She was the only reason he even thought about doing anything to break his games, and it would have been more organic for him to think of his own way to do so instead of getting enlisted to basically be a soldier inside the arena for the rebellion. Something like, oh I don’t know; using a forcefield he shouldn’t know exists to kill his opponent?

I know I’ve mentioned the Plutarch thing before too, because it’s not believable. Why would Haymitch ever trust Plutarch with Peeta and Katniss’ lives in the 75th games if Plutarch is by extension responsible for Haymitch’s family and girlfriend being dead? Especially since according to sotr he never lets go of Lenore, so Collins expects us to think that Haymitch is not only hanging onto a grudge but also helping the man that got his family killed? Both of those can’t be true at the same time, not with Haymitch’s attitude in CF and MJ towards the rebels.

Haymitch does care about Peeta and Katniss, that’s not even a debate, he might show that care in a somewhat crude manner usually but they’re probably the only two people he thought he’d get to hold onto because victors are relatively safe from the capital. This is the scene right after Katniss realizes Snow is using Peeta against her:

“Several sets of arms would embrace me. But in the end, the only person I truly want to comfort me is Haymitch, because he loves Peeta, too. I reach out to him and say something like his name and he’s there, holding me and petting my back. “It’s okay, it’ll be okay, sweetheart.” He sits me on a length of broken marble pillar and keeps an arm around me while I sob.”(MJ.163).

So if Haymitch lost Peeta because of Plutarch again, there would have been a huge fight, and that’s not something that Collins can retcon in now because the books are all out, the movies are all done, there is no way to change how Haymitch acted towards Plutarch in either CF or MJ. We don’t see any tension between Haymitch and Plutarch, or anyone else in the rebellion for that matter, when they’re all in D13. And remember Haymitch was forced into sobriety while there so if he’d been screwed over by the rebellion at 16, and we’re expected to believe that he’s still constantly thinking about his dead girlfriend, he wouldn’t bring her up and throw that in anyone’s face? When Haymitch tells Katniss about snow killing his family in MJ he isn’t bitter, he isn’t lying like sotr implies he is, and he tells Katniss very flatly:

"No. My mother and younger brother. My girl. They were all dead two weeks after I was crowned victor. Because of that stunt I pulled with the force field," he answers. “Snow had no one to use against me."

"I'm surprised he didn't just kill you," I say.

"Oh, no. I was the example. The person to hold up to the young Finnicks and Johannas and Cashmeres. Of what could happen to a victor who caused problems," says Haymitch. "But he knew he had no leverage against me."

"Until Peeta and I came along," I say softly. I don't even get a shrug in return. (MJ.172-3).

This is part of the reason why retconning so much of what we know about Haymitch in sotr doesn’t work. We already have all the information we needed about his man, directly from him. If Haymitch was the example in MJ it makes no sense for Beetee to be the example in sotr, because clearly it didn’t work? It’s frustrating, and there are so many problems with sotr existing as a prequel that I don’t even have possible solutions for how to fix it without retconning majority of sotr to realign it with canon again.

It’s genuinely going to be easier for my mental health, and anyone else who doesn’t care for this book, to just ignore its place in the canon.

[silusvesuius]

my nelvas and moraak thought crumblets

[transmasc-rose]

I was talking to Curtis about how certain aspects of Doctor Who would be treated if they were episodes of Torchwood and/or had that rating leniency of Torchwood (imo the limitations of Doctor Who make for better TV than Torchwood in general, but not always) and when I brought up Amy's Choice, Curtis said I should do an episode rewrite and.

Hm. Hmmm. That could be really interesting. Amy and Rory and the Doctor's dynamic would be so... different in a Torchwood rated show, given the things they do with them in Doctor Who, and if they actually used the Dream Lord as an interesting villain (and they'd actually be able to play into the Doctor's worst traits in an adult show! For better and for worse!)...

However I'd have to actually rewatch Amy's Choice, and also decide how much I want to stay faithful to the episode, how much I want to stay faithful to "what would/could Torchwood have done here, and how much I actually want the result to be. Good.

Because "what Torchwood would do" and "what would be interesting" are not necessarily the same things.

(Accidentally wrote a Novel in the tags also. Whoops.)

[tvrningout-a]

i should've switched to writing original stuff ages ago bc i could've been overcoming writer's block if i did :' )

[teaboot]

I just reada really good fic but halfway through I realized "oh shit this is really familiar.... didn't I write something like this once?" And as I kept reading I kept predicting what happened next and the further I went the more convinced I was that they'd ripped off my story-

like, copied the ENTIRE plot and re-written it, just better than I had? The characters were more fleshed-out than mine were, and the POV was more interesting, and the pace made more sense- but it was MY STORY?

So close to the end I was like "holy shit.. do I message them? Ask if my story inspired theirs? Should I be angry? Flattered?" Cause their tags and description didn't mention me AT ALL, which, sure, it's fanfiction to begin with, but if you're using my work than at least credit me as inspo, right? Just to be courteous?

But I get to the end of the final chapter, and it's not finished, and I'm kind of disappointed cause I never finished my story and I was really immersed in their version now and had been looking forwards to seeing how they tied up my loose ends- so I scroll to the bottom to leave a comment, and.

It's MY URL.

IT WAS MY STORY THE WHOLE TIME.

THE ONE *I WROTE*.

In *2013*.

And FORGOT ABOUT

BECAUSE I WAS SO INSECURE ABOUT MY SLOPPY, SHALLOW, AMETEUR WRITING

And I'm just sitting here now staring into space thinking about every shitty story I've ever written now like

IT WAS ALL GOOD?

IT WAS GOOD THIS WHOLE DAMN TIME??

I'M A GOOD WRITER?????

[angelesca]

a soon-to-be-husband's plan for successful marriage! w.c. ~900

requested by: @kimura-uzuri lots of kisses as per the request, suggestive, all of them are idiots in love and mega pathetic (just how we like 'em amirite) added some extra characters & stretched the prompt, but the core remains the same - hopefully you don't mind :)) (!! written before playing 3.1! only seen some bits and pieces)

anaxagoras's "all according to calculation" love letter!

to my dearest, if you were to reject me, i think i'd cry with my one eye since our fateful encounter, i've found myself... happy agitated, with these bothersome feelings aglaea said it was "love". hah. what does she know?, aroused by, simply, your presence in my orbit. it nags endlessly, claws at my throat when i breathe, these insignicant matters should afford me no pleasure... yet, the heart is no longer a master of itself, desperately wrestling from your grip, but inevitably chained to your smile that is interwoven with my memories. i also cannot forget how you suplexed me after our first kiss my lips spring and curve at an accord of their own when you spare as little as a glance at me. to who else can be ascribed such a feat? congratulations i guess a scholar's instinct is to question in the face of adversity. and questions must be accompanied by answers. as i write this to you, i have finally sumrised the truth. why i feel what i do, i must acknowledge it now... i adore you. i am eternally yours-- i must spend my life with you. ... *unintelligible scribbling*

anaxagoras looks up from his page, staring at you. "did that work?"

work? it didn't even try. "what? what are you- why did you read me a whole love letter? i didn't even know you had it in your bones to write sappy romance."

anaxagoras's eye twitches. he took that to heart. his formula for the perfect proposal is breaking, time to move onto plan b.

you throw your hands on your hips. "what's with you?" kiss. "you just came home after-" kiss. "-being away for so long." kiss. "is something wrong with your head?" kiss. "stop that! it won't distract me from your failure of a proposal."

"tch." anaxa clicks his tongue, slumping defeatedly like a child who got caught red-handed. so much for his perfect plan. well, when all else fails, there's only one final strategy: "well? are we getting engaged?"

you sigh. "you could've said that in the first place..." kiss. "..."

little did you know, that was a display of anaxagoras's restraint. the power of a scholar comes from more than their words, you learned the hard way, sore in bed the next day.

phainon's "super special, totally epic °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°" checklist!

1. i miss my partner so much... (´-ω-`) must return to okhema 2. buy a ring (maybe ask aglaea?) (ugh, i can't let mydei know or he'll tease me) 3. ??? 4. become husband!!! (☆ω☆)

step 1. miss my partner... check. duh. ┐(‘～` )┌ return to okhema? check.

step 2. buy a ring. check. aglaea, with a stifled chuckle, gladly helped the clueless phainon pick out a ring perfect for you. after all, someone who pairs an orange shirt with purple pants could hardly be trusted with picking out an engagement ring. successfully avoided mydei's keen eyes.

step 3. ???

phainon stares at you. "???"

"???" you stare back.

"???????????" phainon took the third step too literally. what is this doofus doing?

realising that his plan is falling apart, phainon panics. "c-c-c-c-can i k-kiss you?" his lips unconsciously push together, pouting, as if practicing his kissing on your ghost.

you frown. "why are you asking like it's our first time doing it?"

"oh, right..."

you playfully roll your eyes. "come here, you."

phainon skips over, brightened, lowering his head for you. you press kisses on them. then, ten more for good measure, because, well, phainon and kisses just go well together, clicking like a puzzle.

"haha, that was nice." phainon's cheeks were red as tomatoes, pressing his hands on them like a youthful maiden in love. then, he latches onto your arm, intertwining. "let's settle down soon. i'm so tired of fighting bad guys all day," he mumbles.

"settle down? like family?" you ask.

"whatever you desire: children, dogs, cats, potted plants. i'm okay with anything you want, as long as you want it," phainon beams. "i just want to start a new life with you!"

beneath all the sweet words, phainon feels that he forgot something integral... something something... become husband... well, whatever. as long as you're happy, phainon can't think of much else when you're calling out his name at night. ( ‾́ ◡ ‾́ ) the neighbours are tired bro...

(days later, you found the engagement ring left in his pocket before taking his clothes for laundry)

mydei's "conquer and overcome all adversities" (is he still talking about proposing?) goal!

1. propose

mydei holds out his hand. "let us form a legal, committal union under a contract."

your jaw drops. mydei had just returned home and these were his first words after being apart for so long? "s-sorry?"

mydei huffs. "you know what i mean."

"you mean a marri-"

COUGH COUGH.

...?

you scrunch your eyebrows. "you want to marr-"

COUGH COUGH.

... mydei is blushing, eyes glossy. how could one word have such an effect? scratch that, how has he made it this far into the relationship? romance was certainly not in the kremnoan dictionary.

you take a deep breath. "mydei, you can just say the word."

"the word."

you sigh. this was too slow. "fine. i agree."

"agree?" mydei looks at you expectantly.

"to establish a legal contract that binds us together."

"oh," mydei smiles. "well, let us make haste." he swings you over his shoulder easily, as if carrying feathers. now, it's going too fast - he really can't set a pace.

"hey! what the-" by the time you realised, you were already at an altar, face-to-face with your husband-to-be. never in your life have you witnessed your body being covered in so many marks the night after the wedding, and your lips were definitely bruised.

you sternly warned mydei, and what is repressed comes back stronger, as he hugged you 24/7, stealing your waist instead of lips. a kremnoan warrior always stays conquering, even when proving his eternal love for you.

a/n: i just found out there are anaxa chibis but its too late im afraid. pea head anaxa for life who's with me also here's some behind the scenes! originally i wrote this for phainon's step 3:

phainon gets on his knees and- oh, oh my god- "PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE-"

"phainon???" his name barely leaves your mouth as a breath, for you can hardly construct words, let alone a sentence.

LMAOOO it was way too much. anw ty again! i had fun writing it! sorry this was kinda short, i wrote this up as quick as i could. but if you'd like me to re-make the request bc it was too silly, lemme know xx

[dilf-docs]

So Is it Your Place Or Mine?

bfd!joel miller x younger!reader

summary: summer is over, but your affair with joel isn't (or, you grind on joel's belt buckle while sarah is at soccer practice)

warnings: 18+ (minors dni), age gap, smut, p. in v., exhibition kink (sarah is again a victim of this), brat taming (this two are soo into it), degradation kink, praise kink, lwk breeding kink, daddy kink (wow! it's a whole library of alexandria of kinks in here), fingering, dad bod!joel (best joel you mean), angst (oh guys look oh no it's alr starting), dirty talk!!!!! (they're so dirty ew i want it too wait who said that)

word count: 3,701 words

side note: and it became officially a series. hope u all are into this as much as i am because it's my first series ever !!!!! ALSO angst finally makes it way in this mess LET'S GO (i'mcrying i really looked up big texas belt to come up with a mental image in the middle of class, i'm so sorry to whoever sat behind me but idc abt me writing smut while at uni; we die like real men)

part: prev | masterlist | next

"What do you mean you're not coming?"

It's been an unspoken rule that, even if you hate sports and the ball stays ten meters away from you, you always come to Sarah's soccer practice, cheering for her from your usual spot at the benches.

Except today, you aren't there. And now Sarah is calling you when she shouldn't, but that she doesn't know.

"I can't. I have stuff to work on stuff"

Bullshit.

Your laptop and the half-written essay sit untouched at the coffee table. The thing being touched in question, is something entirely different.

"Need help?"

His hands grip any free spot of your glistening skin, sucking on the rosy pink until it turns maroon red.

"I'm at my dorm, sorry"

Double bullshit.

Sarah doesn't even know your car is parked next to her dad's truck. She has about four hours to find out.

"I can drop by later then" she suggests.

His hot breath tingles against your neck as his nose caresses the spot. Bad girl, he mouths, like he wasn't the one who told you to pick up, despite his daughter's name on the caller's ID. You try to reach for a kiss, but his digits press on your hair, pulling you back with violence to forbid your lips from touching his. Bad girl, and your arousal drips with more intensity at the remark. Bad girl.

"No!" the answer comes quick, your voice strained, and Sarah jokes that you should take it easy with your classes, instead of suspecting anything else.

"Fine! I won't go if you don't want me to, but if you show up dead by stress, I'll be free of guilt"

He kisses the outline of your jaw with sloppy movements, like he just wants to busy himself while Sarah blabbers about the practice, and you keep trying to make her stop, but she tells you not to worry, that she's on a break right now, and the task to avoid whimpering at his rough kisses across your neck becomes increasingly difficult. A gasp escapes your lips when his teeth sink into your flesh. Mine, not to be said but to be felt. Seen by the rest. A pretty red that tastes like the blood he craves, the hunger akin to violence. Bad girl, and he's biting your lip to stop any other filthy noises from escaping. What if she hears?

"Are you okay?" concern laced on Sarah's tone. Guilt creeps through the cracks of the worn-out paint of his bedroom, one your friend had practically begged him to restore; the joke of it all was that was about his job yet he couldn't fix his own goddamn house. "Y/n, did you hurt yourself?"

I'm treating you well, ain't I, doll? and then he'd grin against the crook of your neck before looking at you, his dark blown-wide pupils gazing at you with a hunger you didn't think it was possible. They'd burn, and the fire didn't scare you: it was the warm your cold body needed. Tell Sarah her daddy ain't hurting her slut of a friend.

"I-I'm fine" you manage to choke out. Good girl.

Joel's lids feel heavy as a crown. But you like 'em rough, don't 'cha, baby?

"Should I worry?"

Joel pulls harder, your scalp burning at the harsh tug. Answer when I ask. You breathe in heavily, and Sarah keeps on asking you if you're okay, threatening to burst through a dorm door she'll find empty.

"N-no" you meekly answer, and he laughs at your demeanor. Under his weight, pinned down on the mattress, there's nowhere to run to.

"Is it okay if I-"

"Sarah I need to hang, okay? My head hurts. Bye" it all comes down in a rush, the words a vomit of excuses. You make sure the call has ended, and so does Joel, that in an act of mercy, has stopped. You both look the screen until the lockscreen is back up again, a picture of you and Sarah. Despite used to having his weight on top of you, your throat feels constricted.

"Do you want to traumatize your daughter, Mr. Miller?"

He's back at his task of kissing, making you moan and writhe at the sensitivity of your kissed and bit skin during the last hour. You hate how he takes his time―edging you; unbearable.

"What I want is you"

The lie comes out effortlessly from his teeth. He wants you, needs you, but does he really want you? His daughter's best friend, the college girl he was going to lecture just last summer―to live life and forget about him, yet couldn't. He lies to himself, saying he didn't because you felt asleep, but feeling a warm body next to him, being your beautiful frame of all people, made it hard.

The way he makes a moaning mess out of you, how he knows every spot of your body no one had been able to please before, how your cunt stretches perfectly around his cock, how you call his name like no one else had done. It belongs to you now, and this is a vice.

It's like he's got a wound, and you're the only balm that can soothe the pain. But the effect is temporary, and after you leave, he always finds himself wanting more.

The doubt on his eyes has your heart beating out of fear.

"Then have me, Mr. Miller" you dare.

When Joel smiles, barely noticeable, something flutters in your stomach.

"Al'ight, impatient one. We have sum hours until Sarah's back. Spread" his hand nudges your thighs apart, and you oblige, making Joel chuckle at your obedience. "Good girl, baby. S'good f'r me"

You let out a gentle moan at the praise, and he smirks at your reaction.

"Feelin' desperate, are we?" he taunts, seeing your pretty lips parted and face flushed, a whine escaping them.

"Shut the fuck up and just kiss me already" you beg, pussy throbbing painfully.

"Damn brat" he hisses, "ain't you such'a needy greedy slut?" his finger hooks on your panties, tugging you closer into him, your body rising to clash against his softer frame that has nothing to do with his rough demeanor. You can feel the bulge that has formed through his pants, making you moan in delight.

"Sorry, daddy. I'll be a good girl" you squirm under his weight, pouting lips and batting eyelashes. "Please, kiss me. Pretty please, daddy"

"Jus' cus you asked well" but he knows it's an excuse to capture your sweet lips until he's tasted all of you. You once heard old men kiss like they want to devour every inch of your mouth, to make space for their tongue like it's going to live in there, and they were right.

He pulls away from the kiss to pull out his shirt, revealing his soft body. Your hands itch, immediatly reaching for it with wandering fingers. He chuckles at the eagerness, but then he catches the subtle adoration in your eyes, and his breath hitches, heart stopping.

"What's wrong?" you look up, and it's gone. Maybe he imagined it.

Joel doesn't know why he feels dissapointed by it.

He tries to push the thoughts back, head diving down between your breasts, leaving sloppy kisses and messy trails of saliva with his tongue on each one. He gives a special lick to your hardened nipples, making you squirm.

"Gonna bend y'r fuckin' sexy little body on this sheets. Gonna make you cum all'over, until y'r scent is'mpregnated on 'em"

You groan at his words, fingers pulling down the pajama shorts you brought over, revealing your pretty black laced lingerine.

"Fuck, baby. You wore 'em for me?" he's asking, and you'd be crazy if you think the tone reveals devotion. Is Joel even capable of warmth?

He leaves a new trail of kisses, this time, running from your neck to your stomach.

"Gonna make you scream my name 'til that's the only thin' you know how to say" his hot breath tingles over your abdomen. He buries his face in there, the mustache and scruffy graying hair tickling the skin. "Gon' give you such'a load, this flat stomach of yours will be bustin' with my seed"

You whine at his filthy words, mouth agape slightly. He looks at your soaked panties, arousal on clear display now. Joel's cock twitches in the confines of his jeans.

He lets out a low growl. "Look at you, such'a slut for me. Drippin' wet like a fuckin' whore and desperate, when I ain't even touch you"

To prove so, Joel teasingly runs his fingers along your inner thigh, dangerously close to your soaking core.

He pulls your underwear down, taking them off.

"M'gonna fuck you real good, baby" his fingers dig on your thighs for support, the burning sensation of his calloused digits on your soft skin delicious. "Gon' take care of what's mine"

Mine.

The words ring loud and clear. The only other noise to be heard is his lips leaving wet sounds against your thighs. Does Joel even realize what he said? Or was it in the heat of the moment?

No, wait. Stop. Why do you care?

He begins to rub circles in your clit, coating his fingers in your dripping arousal, prodding the tense needy hole, making you moan in desperation.

"Please, daddy" your lips cry as you beg for him to do anything to remove the pain in between your legs.

"Please, what?" Joel teases, voice raspy. He keeps prodding your center, his digits in and out in a gentle manner, contrasting his hard hold on your thigh. You squirm and whine at the sensation, but maybe it's the dark on his eyes that's really responsable for making you shrink under his gaze. "Think 'm doin' this for ya'? To please ya'? No, baby" he tuts, "you were a bad girl. Almost got caught"

"If you didn't make me answer" you seethe, a moan almost escaping your lips when his fingers hit that sweet spot of yours. "Maybe if you didn't, she wouldn't-"

Joel removed his fingers from you, and you reduce to a moaning mess, begging for the release you were chasing and now it's lost.

"But you wanted'er to know, didn't ya'?" he unbuckles his belt and fumbles with his worn-out jeans, revealing a barely concealed neediness on his side. "Wanted'er to know where 'er slut of a friend was: at daddy's house, beggin' for his dick like a cockhungry slut"

"I-I want it. Want you dick" you barely choke out, lips parted at the sight of his pulsating dick's silhouette under his brief.

"Then take it, hungry one"

His tip buries deeply into your cunt before you even speak again, sliding inside in one swift motion. You gasp, as he fills you up completely, because despite the way your cunt stretches for him, or the way you have had his dick and need it, his girth never fails to amaze you.

"D-daddy" you moan, walls stretching to accommodate his size. Your sweet arousal drips down your thighs, coating Joel's balls. Fuck, doesn't he love to see you squirming under him. He's never had a woman like you before, wrapped around his finger. You may be a girl, but God, you feel so much better around his dick than anyone else: your cunt tenses around his cock deliciously, his dick twitching when he takes a look at your legs shaking and fucked out state.

"That's it, pretty girl. Beg for'it"

His words go straight to your core as you moan. "Please. Let me take all of you, Joel, please"

You said his name. Fuck. He shouldn't be this aroused, but the way you say it like that's the only thing you know, like it means something more, it makes his dick throb and heart sting. That he, Joel Miller, old bitter man, single dad, could mean more to a young pretty girl like you.

"Fuck" he grunts, grabbing a handful of your hair as he begins to pull out slowly, plunging inside of you with harsh movements. The sound of skin clapping is obscene as he begins to fuck you mercilessly. "Ain't you a noisy lil' thing, huh? You like that, baby? You like it rough?"

Your voice comes out shaky. "Y-yes, daddy. F-fuck, just like that. I like it a l-lot"

"Good girl" he grins satisfied with your respone, his thrusts getting rougher and messier. "Lookin' s'pretty with my dick's inside of you"

Joel changes angles without telling you, brushing your g-spot. A noise so loud and vulgar comes out of your parted lips, and you feel ashamed.

But then he's brushing a strand of hair from your face, with a delicacy you've seen reserved for his daughter only. It feels weird, and you try that it doesn't distract you from your looming orgasm.

"Joel..." you breath out his name.

"Yes?" with everything coming out of his mouth: possesiveness, neediness, pleasure. Like he'd give you the world if you just ask, despite telling himself he wouldn't.

"K-keep going"

Your gaze bores into his eyes with an intensity that almost makes him stop. Because the words are simple, but Joel's been alive enough on this Earth to know it doesn't mean just that.

Keep going. Don't stop. Don't end this. Don't let me go.

"Whatever m'princess asks if she asks 'em nice"

You scream in pleasure as his thrusts become deeper, his balls slapping against your cunt, as your slick begins to run down your thighs. Joel thinks he's going crazy at the way your folds take him, how tight you feel, and the loud noises you make, begging him to fuck you harder, to use you. Every thrust pushes you closer to the edge, writhing under his touch as you begin to see stars.

"You close, aren't ya'?" he laughs, but it's devoid of mockery. A subtle softness hides behind them. Ask nicely, and I shall give. "Gon' cream 'round my dick like a good girl, right?"

His digits dig in the flesh of your hips, guiding himself to fuck you harder, for you to take him better, caging your body under the sheets, pushing you even closer to your orgasm. You mewl loudly, tears in the corner of your eyes at the delicious burn.

If you told yourself a year ago you'd be crying over Joel Miller's dick, of all people, you'd probably laugh. But no college boys had been able to please you, less bring you to tears as you reach your orgasm. This is heaven, and you aren't ready to say goodbye to the paradise you found in summer just yet.

Your core tenses around him, body so close to finishing, hair a mess, eyes brimming with tears, and lips spilling the filthiest sounds ever heard to humankind. It's heaven, and Joel isn't ready to give it up just yet. Your pussy throbs, and as your juices mix as one, you roll your eyes and head back, your high approaching, knot in your stomach tightening faster. Before you can register, your mind goes blank and you're seeing stars.

You come around his cock, coating it in your arousal as Joel admires how you cream his member, tight walls almost pushing him out of you. He groans at your simmering cries, some tears coming out of your eyes.

"What'e fuckin' slut, baby. You sure are somethin' else" he chuckles, his thrusts messier by his own high approaching. "Wait for me, yeah, baby?"

You humm, as he buries deep into you, filling you up completely, as his hips stop their harsh movements when he feels the tension in his abdomen release.

"Fuckin' sweet" he uses a finger to clean some of the slick that's run down your leg. "Good girl"

He licks them off in an obscene display, making sure to never break contact.

"If you keep doing that, I'm gonna become a real bad girl" you taunt.

Then he pulls out of you carefully, doing his best not to spill too much of his load from your cunt. He grabs one of the corners of his sheets, cleaning some of his seed from your thighs. Joel should be careful, but all his foggy mind can muster is you being his in every way he can. Making you his. Mine. Mine. Mine. You plead him not to do that, but he argues laundry day is soon and he likes it better when it smells like you anyway. You confess with a cute light blush in your cheeks that you do the same when he comes over to fuck you in your dorm, sleeping better when the covers smell like him. He shouldn't feel like this: like it could be. But he allows himself to, even for an instant.

"Oh, yeah?" he pants, "what you gon' do?"

Your eyes travel to his jeans and untied buckle he hadn't wasted time taking off, rather just pulling them down.

"I have something in mind..." you wander off, remembering filthy thoughts of your first night together, how you briefly thought about it. "I-" you cut off, blushing furiously.

"Yes?" he holds your chin tightly, forcing you to look at him as his rough fingers press on the skin. "Remember what I told ya', baby? To ask nicely? 'Cause you said you'd be a good girl, so be one and tell daddy what'd ya' want"

You gulp, trying to hold his gaze. You never back down. You never back down. But the intensity of the shinning copper makes that insufferable character of yours to be tamed, boiling against the surface but just scratching, all screams lost. Is like he knows this power over you, acting on it with a benevolence so sick, it has you thinking loving Joel Miller isn't impossible.

You never back down, but being with Joel feels like walking over stones, always thinking about the next step and the ones that were, ghosts of the lingering doubts and afterthoughts behind every step you take. It's like there's a river below them, washing away regret.

But you're still here: water up your knees then and now over your head.

You're barely floating. You'd be willing to drown anyway.

"I want to ride your belt buckle"

There's silence in the other side, until its met with a light chuckle.

"Yeah?" Joel keeps on laughing, his eyebrows raised in disbelief. "S'that what that filthy head of yours be thinkin' on?"

"Stop it" you groan, covering your hot face with your palms. You wish you could erase that ugly smirk off his face. "I'm never telling you anything again, ever"

"Now c'mon, baby. I was jus' messin' 'round" his tone adquires a soft edge to it, tender warm hands removing yours from your face. "Don't cover your face, baby. You're too goddam pretty" you blush, and Joel better resist the urge to kiss you just for the sake of kissing you. "I didn't mean to make fun of ya'. You know y'can tell me anythin' that's goin' inside that head of yours"

"Then you'll let me?" your pretty eyes look up to him, shinning like the stars of the summer night sky months ago.

He can't deny you anything, and a small crack of fear wounds his impenetrable heart.

"Get'ere you filthy slut"

You eagerly climb onto his lap as he sits against the beds headboard, your thighs pushing against his belly.

"Now" he tries to put in a more comfortable position, his tired joints creaking. He avoids your gaze, coughing over his blush. "You do all the job, baby. I ain't gonna help you, this greedy pussy took all of my energy"

You giggle, moving until your bare pussy clashes against the cold. A shiver runs down your spine, the dried juices moistening again over the metal piece. His hands move to your hips, hands now soft as they hold you, and he seems unsure of it, both of your breaths coming out ragged.

"You said you weren't gonna help" you chuckle, wrapping your arms around his neck. His face feels closer, and you can see lines time has marked across his features. "But thanks, daddy"

His heart takes a dangerous leap.

"'Course, baby" he smiles. "You know I spoil ya' too damn much"

You begin to roll your hips, sliding your pussy over the cold material, your arousal making a wet slick sound that bounces off the walls, a shiver down your back as you feel your slick already coating the front of it and the top of his jeans.

"Mmm, can't say no to me, can you, baby?" you mock, rocking your hips back and forth. A shaky breath escapes your parted lips, and Joel feels his renovated dick spring hard. You moan, your ass barely touching his now tense member.

"Quit runnin' that mouth of y'rs, baby" his digits dig on your skin, "or I'll bend ya' over again"

"Sorry, daddy" you feel the metal star on the middle digging inside your pussy, the borders of the imprint brushing your leaking cunt in a pleasant way. "I promise to be good"

"Do" he grunts, "you're runnin' out of time, doll"

You close your eyes, movements more quick and erratic, little moans leaving your body as you groan.

"Tell me how this lil' experiment of yours feelin', baby"

"F-feels good, daddy. Fuck" you groan, lifting your hips a bit as you grind yourself down across the material. "So so good, daddy. Thank you, daddy"

"Mmm, that's right. Now be a good girl and come for me. Let me see that pretty face of yours when ya' come over ma' belt"

You let out a shaky breath, juices spilling over his jeans even as you see stars. He chuckles, enamoured at the sight.

"You gonna need help with that?" you point out his boner.

Oh, aren't you a doll? So kind-hearted.

"That's okay" he breathes out, tiredly. He thinks of the next trip to the bathroom, the image of what he'll fuck himself to clear now.

You smile at him, for the first time forgetting this started as a blowing-off-steam-time or transaction.

For a moment, it feels like it could be.

"Jus' seein' you cum all over me so prettily is'nough, baby"

credits: divider @kodaswrld / gif @loregifs

[whos-the-seme]

Shen Yuan is actually a cuddle bug. Had a ton of Luo Binghe body pillows back home not just for the merch reasons but because he needs something in his bed to squeeze when he's sleeping.

Since he started having weekly planning (boozing and bitching) sessions with Shang Qinghua, he sometimes accidentally sleeps over. After he's finished his paperwork and started on some of Qinghua's, sometimes the wine gets to him and he's just so sleepy. Or, sometimes, Shang Qinghua will let the other read some of the short stories he had written early on in his transmigration when fighting to not lose his mind. Shen Yuan would critique them, before harassing him to publish them anonymously.

("Oh, so you are capable of writing more than papapa trash."

"Aw, you like it?" "...it's good." 🙄)

But by the time he finished them, it would be so late, and it didn't make much sense to leave when a bed was right there. And Shang Qinghua had custom ordered goose feather pillows and blankets, which was so unlike his porcelain pillows, and Shang Qinghua himself is right there. Therefore. The man himself becomes his new object of comfort when asleep.

At first, Shang Qinghua used to just wave it off. Then he started to playfully complain and tease about how clingy Shen Yuan was in his sleep, and Shen Yuan would grumble and turn bright red and turn his back on him... only for them to wake up with Shen Yuan basically curled around the other like an octopus in the morning. And then it just became normal because, of course, they really only had each other, so like why not? It brought them both comfort and two people could totally cuddle platonically.

Before long, more than half the week, Shen Yuan was spending the night over, and some rare times, Shang Qinghua goes to the bamboo house. Shang Qinghua learns when to give up his piles of paperwork when his friend starts getting tired and to get more fucking rest himself. Otherwise, Shen Yuan will just walk in, curl up on his lap with his head resting on Shang Qinghua's shoulder, and fall asleep there.

("Really? I ordered those extra stuffed pillows for you, you know. Go to bed, I'll be done in a minute."

"Ugh, shut up, sleeping isn't the same when you're out here ordering new fighting posts for Bai Zhan Peak for the 5th time this month. I'll just wait here for you to finish."

"In my lap...? That's kinda gay--" 😏

"Qinghua."

"Shutting up and finishing the work." )

Those of An Ding Peak, being the peak that was basically the backbone of the entire sect and kept it running through sweat, blood, and some other bodily fluids, knew how to keep secrets from other peaks. You don't become a disciple there without knowing how to keep your mouth shut when outsiders are around. But between each other, whispers abound.

"I don't think Shen-shibo has left in two days," one disciple murmurs to another when they see Shen Qingqiu flouncing around yet again, ordering one of the disciples to bring some two small meals to their Shifu's rooms for a late dinner.

"Do you think they're... you know?" Another asks quietly after delivering some new contracts to their Shifu. The door to his bedroom had been slightly ajar, and through the cracks, green leaf-pattern outer robes were on the ground.

("I'm not sleeping in these, okay! You should have written in pajamas while you were busy adding in chocolate, and whatever else doesn't exist in Ancient China, to PIDW!" 😒

"Oh my god, just sleep in your inner robes, then! Better yet, borrow some of my clothes. But you're sure as fuck not sleeping naked on my silk sheets, bro!")

The disciples on Qing Jing Peak certainly notice when the bamboo hut isn't occupied for the night. At first, they just thought that their Shizun was extra silent in his house now, but once, Ming Fan had to go to Shizun for a small issue late in the evening, and he wasn't there. Nor was he there the next night, or the next. They're not sure where he is, or what he's doing, but he's always there in the morning, so they don't worry too much.

On the fourth night, Shizun was home, but Shang-shishu was also there. And... stayed there. The lights went out, and the disciples who were sent out to spy came back and reported that Shang-shishu had never left.

("He... is Shang-shishu still in there?"

"I think so. M-maybe he stayed in the extra bedroom?"

"..." 👀

"..." 👀)

The disciples eye each other and simultaneously agree to never let those outside the peak know about this. When crossing paths with A Ding disciples, there are discreet looks and nods of understanding, and they pass each other by with not a word.

(Shen Qingqiu and Shang Qinghua?)

----

One bright and sunny morning, Liu Qingge slams his way into Shang Qinghua's office. He is followed by Mu Qingfang, and Yue Qingyuan, all needing to speak with Shang Qingqua to figure out Shen Qingqiu's whereabouts. He wasn't in his bamboo hut this morning, nor was he anywhere else that he typically frequented.

Mu Qingfang because it was time for his bimonthly check-up to ensure that his treatments with Liu Qingge were progressing as they should. Yue Qingyuan due to peak matters (though, technically, he could do it on his own, but if he got to see Xiao Jiu--). Liu Qingge because the beast that he had dropped on his doorstep yesterday afternoon had yet to be removed, which was odd. And also, he had ordered new fighting posts a week ago, and usually they would have been delivered by now, which was also odd.

Wei Qingwei and Qi Qingqi also follow along because they could smell drama. And also they were a tiny bit worried about their shixiong. Whenever he disappeared for too long, it was likely that he had gotten kidnapped or poisoned. Again.

Shang Qinghua scrambles out of his bed chambers with hastily thrown-on outer robes, blurry-eyed, screaming "Whoosit!?" He barely has time to open his mouth before he is instantly bombarded with several requests, most of them pertaining to the apparent missing peak lord. Liu Qingge also asks about his fighting posts, which Shang Qinghua pretends not to hear.

"We've not seen him in a few days," Mu Qingfang says to him over the noise, with an apologetic smile for waking up his overworked shixiong. "I know you two are somewhat friends, so if you see him soon, please tell him he really needs to come to Qian Cao for his next physical."

"Wait, who's missing? Ah, please don't touch that." The last part is directed at Qi Qingqi, who is combing through his shelves. "Shen Qingqiu is apparently missing, according to this bunch," Qi Qingqi says, smirking at him. She pokes the figurine he told her not to touch. Oh well, she'll realize why he told her not to touch it soon enough.

"Shen Qingqiu? What do you mean, he's--" Shang Qinghua instantly closes his mouth, hoping that no one heard that. "I-I mean, yeah, I'll let you guys know if he stops by! No problem, will absolutely send him your way--" "What was that?" Liu Qingge narrows his eyes at him. "You were about to say something. You know where he is. Tell me."

Shang Qinghua begins to sweat immediately. "Whaaat? No, you must have heard wrong. Seriously, I'll let you guys know if I catch him. Now, if you guys can be on your way--" He starts trying to herd people out.

Unbeknownst to him, his bedroom door cracks open and a figure, eyes barely open, shuffles out and heads towards him. Wei Qingwei, idling in the office, is the first to notice the person wearing another set of An Ding Blue outer robes over soft Qing Jing Green inner ones. His jaw drops.

"Qinghua?" A soft, sleepy voice murmurs in his ear, arms circling around his waist and a head laying on his shoulder from behind. "It's too early, come back to bed." A small yawn.

Shang Qinghua can feel himself freeze with a nervous smile on his face.

Shit.

[stylesispunk]

"Did the love affair maim you too?"

Joel miller x f!reader

next part

Summary: Joel doesn't like you until he loses all his memories.

w.c: 14k> (longest piece I've written and my eyes are dry)

warnings: fluff, mention of amnesia, memory loss, ANGST and angst, and more angst because I love angst. There is smut but you already know I'm bad at writing that. No proof reading, I'm lazy, sorry.

a/n: hello! I got inspired by this "memory loss" type of story. It was supposed to be a one shoot, but I had to split the whole thing so another part is more likely to happen. I know there has been some drama surrounding writers and I want to say that every single person who writes and makes an art with that is amazing! Everyone who is reading this, please give creators here your flowers. With that being said, Happy reading or not 😭💌 Reblogs and comments are always appreciated. (come on, talk to me)

dividers by @saradika-graphics

Joel didn't used to hate women, but man, when he met you for the first time, you crawled under his skin. He had fun with you, making jokes, trying to get on your nerves. For his hell, everyone in Jackson loved you; after all, you were the nurse and the sweetheart. Always looking after everyone, always being sweet to everyone.

It was a sunny afternoon when you first arrived in Jackson, your kind demeanor and skilled hands quickly gaining the trust and admiration of the townsfolk. Joel watched from a distance with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face. He couldn't understand why everyone was so taken with you. To him, you seemed too soft, too gentle for the brutal world they lived in.

"Hey, Joel," Tommy called out one day, pulling Joel from his brooding thoughts. "We're heading out on patrol. You should meet the new nurse. She's something else."

Joel grunted in response, not bothering to hide his disinterest. He didn't need to meet you to know what kind of person you were. In his mind, you were just another naive newcomer who wouldn't last a week.

But fate had other plans. That very evening, a group of raiders attacked the outer perimeter. The town was thrown into chaos, and Joel found himself side by side with you, defending the walls. He couldn't help but notice your bravery and the way you handled yourself under pressure.

After the attack, as the town counted its injuries and losses, you worked tirelessly, tending to the wounded. Joel watched you, his irritation growing as he saw the way everyone fawned over you, thanking you for your care.

"Think you're some kind of hero, huh?" Joel muttered as he approached you, his voice laced with sarcasm.

You looked up at him, exhaustion evident in your eyes, but you offered a small, tired smile. "Just doing my job, Joel."

"Your job?" Joel scoffed. "You think patching up a few cuts and bruises is going to keep these people safe? This world doesn't care how sweet you are."

You met his gaze, unwavering. "And what would you have me do, Joel? Let them suffer? We're all trying to survive here, and we all have our roles to play."

Joel huffed and walked away, but your words lingered in his mind. Despite himself, he couldn't deny that you were right. Over the following weeks, Joel continued to watch you, his annoyance slowly giving way to a grudging respect. He noticed how you never backed down, how you always stood your ground, even when faced with his relentless jabs.

One day, during a particularly harsh winter storm, you and Joel were sent out on a supply run. The weather was brutal, and the path was treacherous. As the wind howled around you, Joel found himself instinctively moving closer, his protective instincts kicking in despite his irritation.

"Watch your step," he warned, his voice gruff.

You nodded, shivering against the cold. "Thanks, Joel."

As you both trudged forward, the wind picked up, and visibility dropped to almost nothing. You focused on placing one foot in front of the other, barely able to see Joel a few steps ahead. Suddenly, you heard a sharp crack and a thud.

"Joel!" you shouted, fear gripping your heart.

Rushing forward, you found Joel lying on the ground, unconscious, blood trickling from a gash on his forehead. He must have slipped on the ice and hit his head on a rock hidden beneath the snow.

Panic set in, but you forced yourself to stay calm. You needed to get him back to Jackson quickly. You checked his pulse, relieved to find it steady, then did your best to bandage the wound with the supplies you had. With great effort, you managed to lift Joel and drape him over your shoulder, carrying him back through the storm.

By the time you reached Jackson, you were exhausted and freezing, but you didn't stop until you got Joel to the infirmary. The doctors took over, treating his wound and monitoring his condition.

You sat by Joel's bedside, watching him closely. Hours passed, and eventually he began to stir. His eyes fluttered open, and he looked around, disoriented.

"Joel?" you said softly, leaning forward.

He turned his head to you, his brow furrowing in confusion. But then, a slow, almost lazy smile spread across his face. "Well, hello there, beautiful," he said, his voice low and smooth. "Did I die and wake up in heaven?"

You blink, taken aback by his words. "Uh, Joel, it's me. Do you remember what happened?"

Joel's smile didn't waver as he looked at you. "I remember everything... except meeting you before. Are you sure we haven't met in a dream?"

You glanced at Tommy, who had just walked into the room, and saw the same confusion mirrored on his face. "Joel," Tommy said cautiously, stepping closer, "do you know who I am?"

Joel's eyes shifted to Tommy, his smile fading into a look of mild frustration. "Of course I do, Tommy. You're my brother. But I'm more interested in getting to know this doll here."

Tommy exchanged bewildered looks with you. "Joel, this is… Ah. She's... well, you two never really got along."

Joel's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Really? Well, I must've been an idiot then because I can't imagine not liking someone like you."

Your heart raced, unsure how to respond to this flirtatious side of Joel, the same who hours ago was trying to crawl under your skin, the same one who had rejected you all this time. "Joel, you really don't remember me at all?"

Joel shook his head, still gazing at you with that same enamored look. "Not a thing. But I gotta say, I feel like I'm seeing you for the first time, and I like what I see."

Tommy scratched his head, clearly at a loss. "This is... something else. We need to figure out what happened to his memory."

You nodded, trying to process the sudden shift in Joel's demeanor. You knew the hit on the head did something to his memory, but you didn’t know how to face it. "Joel, you hit your head pretty hard. The doctors said you might have some memory loss. Maybe this is part of it."

Joel reached out and gently took your hand, his touch sending a shiver down your spine. "Well, if forgetting the past means I get to start over with you, I think I can live with that."

You couldn't help but blush, feeling a mix of confusion and something else you couldn't quite place. Perhaps butterflies are flying all around inside your tummy. "We'll take it slow, okay? There's a lot you need to know."

Joel's grip on your hand tightened slightly, his eyes never leaving yours. "As long as you're the one teaching me, I'm all in."

Tommy coughed awkwardly, breaking the moment. "Alright, let's give Joel some time to rest and recover. We'll figure this out together."

You nodded, reluctantly pulling your hand away from Joel's. "Get some rest, Joel. We'll talk more later."

As you and Tommy left the room, you couldn't shake the feeling of Joel's gaze following you. Tommy put a reassuring hand on your shoulder. "We'll get to the bottom of this. Just... be careful. He's not the same Joel right now."

You nodded, your mind racing with the implications of Joel's memory loss and his sudden interest in you. The days ahead were sure to be challenging, but you couldn't deny the flicker of excitement at the thought of getting to know this new, more open version of Joel.

A version where he could get to know you and maybe, like, a new story waiting to be written with the both of you becoming friends, and not just acquaintances just having to tolerate each other for the community’s sake.

The days following Joel's accident were a whirlwind of confusion and unexpected emotions dancing on your mind. Joel's flirtatious comments and affectionate demeanor were a stark contrast to the gruff, often combative man you had known before.

You had started to get used to feeling his nice demeanor towards you. You found yourself happier than before, smiling at the thought of him when you weren’t with him, and he had become your last thought on your bed just before going to sleep, but you were aware his condition perhaps wasn’t permanent and he was going to recover his memories of you, so you didn’t want to take advantage of that, nor did you want to fall for Joel, not when the fear of him waking up one day and hating you as usual was a threat.

His recovery was slow but steady, and you spent a lot of time by his side, helping him piece together the fragments of his memory. Every interaction felt like walking on fire, with Joel's behavior making your heart flutter and your mind racing at thousand miles per hour.

As you were changing the bandage on his head, Joel watched you with a soft smile. "You know, you have the gentlest touch. It's like you're an angel sent to take care of me."

You blushed, avoiding his gaze. "I'm just doing my job, Joel. Making sure your pretty head heals properly."

Joel reached up and gently brushed a strand of hair behind your ear. "You're more than just a nurse to me now. I don't know what it is, but I feel this connection with you. Like we're meant to be."

You took a deep breath, trying to steady your emotions. "Joel, a few days ago I was nothing to you. You don’t remember me, so please just focus on getting better."

Joel's expression softened; his eyes filled with earnestness. "I get it, but I can't help how I feel. This connection—it's real to me, even if I don't remember our past."

You bit your lip, feeling a mix of frustration and affection. "Joel, you're vulnerable right now. Your mind is trying to make sense of everything, and it's confusing. We need to take things slow."

Joel nodded reluctantly, his hand lingering near your cheek before he pulled it back. "I trust you. Just know that I'm here, and I want to get to know you, past or no past."

You gave him a reassuring smile. "One step at a time, okay? Let's focus on getting you back on your feet first."

Just then, Tommy walked in, carrying a tray of food. He cleared his throat, causing you to step back from Joel. "Brought you some lunch, big brother. How’re you feeling?"

Joel's eyes lit up at the sight of his brother. "Thanks, Tommy. I'm feeling better every day. And with this sunshine here, it's hard not to feel good."

Tommy gave you a knowing look, his concern evident. "Glad to hear it. Mind if I have a word with you outside?" he asked, looking towards you.

You nodded, feeling a mix of relief and anxiety. "Of course, Tommy."

As you stepped outside the room, Tommy closed the door behind you, his expression serious. "How are you holding up?"

You sighed, crossing your arms. "It's... complicated. Joel is so different now. He's kind, attentive, and he seems genuinely interested in me. But he doesn't remember our past—how much we clashed."

Tommy nodded, his face lined with concern. "I can see how that would be confusing. But you have to be careful. This might just be his way of coping with the memory loss. He's latching onto the one constant he has right now—you."

You looked down, feeling a lump form in your throat. "I know. I'm trying to keep my distance, but it's hard. He's... he's different, Tommy. And I can't deny that I'm starting to care for him."

Tommy placed a hand on your shoulder, his grip firm and reassuring. "I get it. But you need to remember that his memory might come back, and when it does, he could revert to the Joel we knew before. You have to protect yourself, too."

“Am I that unlovable?” you sighed.

Tommy's expression softened, and he shook his head. "No, you're not unlovable. Far from it. But the Joel we knew before... he had his walls up, and you know how stubborn he can be. If his memory comes back, he might go back to those old habits, those old defenses."

You nodded, feeling the weight of his words. "I understand. It's just... complicated."

Tommy gave your shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Just take it slow. Don't rush into anything, and remember to take care of yourself too. You suffered a lot before arriving here."

You managed a small smile. "Thanks, Tommy. I needed that."

Tommy smiled back. "Anytime."

Returning to Joel's room, you found him sitting up, his eyes lighting up as you walked in. "Hey, everything okay?"

You nodded, forcing a smile. "Yeah, just had a chat with Tommy."

Joel's expression became thoughtful. "You know, I'm really grateful for everything you're doing for me. I can't imagine what it must be like, dealing with me like this."

You sat down beside him, taking a deep breath. "It's not easy, Joel, but it's worth it. You're worth it."

Joel reached out, taking your hand in his. "You know, even though I don't remember everything, I feel like I'm seeing you for the first time. And I like what I see."

Your heart raced, and you struggled to keep your emotions in check. "Joel, we need to take things slow. Focus on your recovery first."

Joel nodded, a small smile playing on his lips. "I understand. But I can't help how I feel."

He has repeated the same phrase as before, and you couldn’t help but feel yourself diving into a deep ocean for him.

You squeezed his hand gently. "One step at a time, okay?"

Joel's eyes held a determined glint. "One step at a time."

The late afternoon sun cast long shadows across the Jackson settlement as you walked briskly toward the main gate, your medical bag slung over your shoulder. You spotted Joel waiting for you, his arms crossed and a scowl already etched on his face.

"You're late," he growled as you approached.

You rolled your eyes. "I'm five minutes late, Joel. I had to take care of a kid with a fever."

Joel grunted, clearly unimpressed. "We have a schedule for a reason. Being late puts us at risk."

"Don't lecture me about risk," you shot back, your patience wearing thin. "I know the dangers out there just as well as you do."

Joel's eyes narrowed. "Do you? Because sometimes it feels like you're too soft for this world. Always stopping to help every stray animal and sick kid."

"Excuse me for having a heart," you snapped. "Not everyone wants to live like a damn machine."

"Having a heart can get you killed," Joel retorted, his voice rising. "Out there, you need to be tough. Focused."

"And maybe if you lightened up a bit, people wouldn't be so scared of you," you shot back, your frustration boiling over.

Joel took a step closer, his jaw clenched. "I don't care if people are scared of me. I care about keeping them safe. And you, with your bleeding heart, make that harder."

You felt a surge of anger and hurt at his words. "You know what, Joel? Maybe the problem isn't me. Maybe it's you. Maybe you're so wrapped up in your own pain that you can't see anyone else's."

Joel's face darkened, a mix of anger and something else—something like hurt—flashing in his eyes. "You don't know anything about my pain."

"And you don't know anything about mine," you replied, your voice trembling with emotion. "So maybe you should stop judging me and start seeing that we're all trying to survive in this hell together."

For a moment, the two of you stood there, the tension crackling between you like a live wire. Then Joel turned away, his shoulders stiff. "Let's just get this patrol over with."

You followed him out of the gate, your heart heavy with unresolved emotions. The silence between you was thick and uncomfortable, but neither spoke. The rift between you seemed insurmountable, and you couldn't see how things would ever change.

You woke up with a pain on your neck. You had fallen asleep on a chair next to Joel’s bed where he was now lay resting, his breathing even and steady. His recovery was going well, but the emotional landscape was far more complex and you wanted to take the risk to discover it.  

You watched him for a moment, taking a mental picture of his face, the creases on his skin, how peaceful he looked like this. feeling the weight of uncertainty and guilt within you.

In that exact moment, Joel stirred, his eyes fluttering open. He looked around, his gaze settling on you with a warmth that made your heart skip a beat. "Hey, sunshine."

"Hey," you replied softly, mirroring his smile "How are you feeling?"

Joel stretched, wincing slightly but smiling nonetheless. "Better. Thanks to you."

You couldn't help but smile back, the tension easing a bit. "Just doing my job, Joel."

His eyes softened as he looked at you. "You're doing more than just your job. You've been taking care of me, looking out for me. I appreciate it."

You felt a warmth spread through you at his words. "It's what anyone would do."

Joel shook his head slightly. "No, not everyone. You're special, and I... I think I’m starting to understand that."

You felt a flutter in your chest at his words, a mix of emotions swirling within you. "Joel, you don't need to say that. You're still recovering, and things are confusing right now."

Joel's gaze remained steady, his expression earnest. "I mean it. There's something about you... something that's been here all along, and I was too stubborn to see it."

Your heart ached with the weight of his words, knowing how complicated the situation was. "Joel…”

“Did I care about you before?” he asked, gaze locked with yours.

You shook your head “No. Not really.”

You shook your head, feeling the sting of the truth. “No. Not really.”

Joel looked troubled, his brows knitting together. “I find that hard to believe. Because right now, I can’t imagine not caring about you.”

You took a deep breath, trying to find the right words. “Things were different before, Joel. We didn’t get along. You were... closed off, and I guess I was just someone who got under your skin.”

Joel’s expression softened with regret. “I’m sorry. For whatever I did to make you feel that way. I wish I could remember, but all I know is that right now, I see you, and I feel... connected.”

A memory from the past surged forward, vivid and painful. It was a cold evening in Jackson, just after a particularly difficult supply run. You and Joel had been at odds all day, and the tension between you was palpable.

"Why do you always have to be so damn difficult?" Joel snapped; his voice harsh as he slammed the door behind him.

You bristled at his tone, your own temper flaring. "Maybe because you treat me like I’m incompetent! I’m trying my best out there, Joel. We’re supposed to be a team."

Joel scoffed, his eyes narrowing. "A team? You’re a liability more than anything."

The words cut deep, but you stood your ground. "That’s not fair, and you know it. I’m just trying to help, like everyone else."

Joel’s face twisted with frustration. "Help? You call what you do helping? It’s a wonder anyone here can stand you."

The hurt was immediate and sharp, but you refused to let him see how much his words affected you. "At least I’m trying to do something good. You just push everyone away."

Joel stepped closer, his expression dark. "Maybe there’s a reason for that. I find it hard to believe anyone could actually love you."

The silence that followed was deafening. You stared at him, disbelief and pain warring within you. Without another word, you turned and left, unable to bear the weight of his cruelty.

Back in the present, you blinked, trying to dispel the memory. Joel was watching you closely, concern etched into his features. "What’s wrong?"

You forced a smile, though it didn’t reach your eyes. "Just... remembering something."

Joel reached out, gently taking your hand. "I wish I could remember too. So, I could make it right."

You looked down at your joined hands, the warmth of his touch grounding you. "Maybe it’s better this way.

Joel squeezed your hand gently. "A fresh start sounds good. But I still want to know everything. About us, about what I did wrong. So, I can be better."

You nodded, taking the risk and pushing your luck.

You and Joel could become friends, right?

"You and I... we could become friends, right?" you asked.

Joel’s eyes softened even more, and he smiled. "Friends sounds like a good start. We can build from there."

You felt a surge of relief. "Friends it is, then."

The days passed, each one bringing closeness between you and Joel. He had got better, slowly starting to get back to his tasks. The community noticed the change in him, how he was more open and approachable. You often found yourselves working together, whether it was on supply runs or him visiting the infirmary when you were there working.

One afternoon, you were busy organizing medical supplies when Joel walked in, a smile spreading across his face as he saw you. "Hey, need any help in here?" he asked, leaning against the doorframe.

You looked up, smiling back. "Joel, what are you doing here? I thought you were out patrolling.”

Joel shrugged, stepping further into the room. "Finished early. Thought I’d come by and see if you needed a hand."

He, in fact lied. He switched places with another guy just to spend time with you again. He could feel your fear irradiating but he wanted to get to know you better. He couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact he didn’t like someone like you and he wanted to change that.  

You chuckled, shaking your head. " Sure, you can help me with these supplies. There are some boxes that need to be sorted."

Joel rolled up his sleeves and joined you, his presence filling the small room with a comforting warmth. As you worked side by side, you found yourself stealing glances at him, marveling at the changes in him. He was more relaxed, more open, and undeniably more attentive.

"You know," Joel said after a while, breaking the comfortable silence, "I think I like helping out here more than patrolling."

You raised an eyebrow, teasingly. "Oh? And why is that?"

Joel grinned, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "Because I get to spend more time with you."

You blushed, focusing intently on the box in front of you. "You’re just saying that."

"No, I mean it," Joel replied, his tone sincere. "I like being around you. You make everything better."

You felt a warmth spread through you at his words, and you couldn't help but smile. "Well, I like having you around too."

The truth was that stealing glances at him now felt like interlocking fingers without even touching his skin, there wasn’t precisely a sexual tension or possessiveness over him, but a warm incandescent glow within every time he smiled at you. That was something you hadn’t felt in so long, and this time felt so right yet so wrong.

You both continued to work in comfortable silence, the rhythm of your tasks interrupted only by the occasional exchange of smiles or a shared joke. The closeness was undeniable, and you could feel the lines between friendship and something more starting to blur.

One afternoon, you were out on a supply run together, scanning the area for anything useful. The sun was setting, casting a golden hue over the landscape. As you bent down to pick up some supplies, Joel suddenly appeared by your side, his proximity making your heart race.

"Need a hand?" he asked, his voice low and warm.

You looked up at him, finding it hard to concentrate with him so close. "Sure, thanks."

As you both worked, the conversation flowed easily. Joel's presence was comforting, and you found yourself opening up to him in ways you hadn't before.

"You know, I never really thanked you properly," Joel said, his tone serious.

"For what?" you asked, genuinely curious.

"For saving my life. For being there for me when I needed it the most," Joel replied, his eyes meeting yours with a sincerity that made your heart ache.

You shook your head, a soft smile on your lips. "You don’t need to thank me, Joel. I did what anyone would do."

"Not anyone," he insisted, his gaze intense. "You went above and beyond. You always do."

You blushed, the warmth spreading through you once again. "Well, I care about you. I can’t help it."

Joel's expression softened, and he reached out, gently brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. "I care about you too. More than I ever thought possible."

The moment hung in the air, filled with unspoken words and emotions. You could feel the pull between you, the undeniable connection that had grown stronger with each passing day.

"Joel, this is complicated," you whispered, your voice trembling slightly. "We need to take things slow."

"I know," he replied, his hand lingering near your face. "But I’m not going anywhere, but I’m not going anywhere.”

Joel's feelings for you had grown stronger. He found himself being smitten and completely in love by you, by your beauty, your strength and your soft heart. You were everything that was good with this world. Where everything and everyone was people with shadows dying out of melancholy, you were an angel wrapping your warm arms around him, making his world brighter. He had learnt how to savor the colors again.

As you continued your days together, Joel couldn't help but find ways to be close to you. He would always volunteer to accompany you on supply runs, ensuring you were safe and cared for. He would show up at the infirmary with small gifts – a flower he found on his patrol, a cup of your favorite tea, or a book he thought you might like. His gestures were always thoughtful and sincere, each one a testament to the depth of his feelings.

Joel couldn't take his eyes off you. You were kneeling in the ground, your hands deftly cleaning something you had found, your face serene and focused. Joel felt a swell of emotion, unable to keep it to himself any longer.

"You know," he began, his voice gentle, "I used to think this world had nothing left to offer. But then I met you."

You looked up, your heart skipping a beat at the intensity in his gaze. "Joel..."

He knelt beside you, his hand covering yours. "You make everything better. You've brought light into my life, and I can't imagine going back to the way things were."

You felt a mixture of warmth and apprehension. His words were everything you wanted to hear, yet the uncertainty of the situation weighed heavily on your heart. "Joel, this is all so new and complicated. We need to be careful."

Joel's grip on your hand tightened slightly, his eyes full of determination. "I know it's complicated, and I know we've got a lot to figure out. But I can't ignore what I feel. I want to be here for you, with you, through everything."

You took a deep breath, feeling the weight of his words. "I want that too, Joel. But we need to take it one step at a time."

He nodded, a soft smile spreading across his face. "I will make you fall in love with me," he said, his voice full of determination and warmth.

You couldn't help but smile back, feeling a mix of hope and apprehension. "You're quite confident, aren't you?"

Joel chuckled, his eyes never leaving yours. "When it comes to you, I am."

You smiled, feeling a flutter in your chest at his words. "Let's get back to Jackson," you said, standing up and brushing off your clothes. Joel stood with you, offering a hand to help you up.

As you made your way back to Jackson, the conversation flowed easily. Joel told you stories from before the outbreak, sharing pieces of his past he hadn’t opened up about before. You found yourself laughing at his anecdotes, feeling a growing sense of connection.

When you finally reached the gates of Jackson, the sun was setting, casting a warm glow over the community. People greeted you both warmly, noticing the change in Joel's demeanor. He was more relaxed and more present, and it was clear to everyone that you had a positive influence on him.

Tommy approached, a knowing smile on his face. "Good to see you both back safe and sound."

Joel clapped his brother on the shoulder. "It was a good run. Found some useful supplies."

Tommy nodded, then looked at you. "And how about you? Everything alright?"

You smiled, feeling the warmth of Joel’s gaze on you on your face. "Yeah, everything's good."

As the evening settled in, you and Joel made your way to the communal dining hall. The chatter of the community filled the air, and you found a spot to sit together. Joel’s hand lingered near yours, his touch reassuring and steady.

Tommy, Ellie, and Maria soon joined you at the table. Tommy was carrying a tray laden with food, Ellie trailing behind him with a mischievous grin, and Maria gave you a warm smile as she took a seat.

"Good to see you two back," Elli said, setting down the tray and passing out plates. “How was the run?" Ellie asked, her eyes sparkling with curiosity.

"It went well," Joel replied, his gaze briefly meeting yours before he continued. "Found some useful supplies and had some good company."

Ellie smirked, elbowing Tommy. "I bet you did."

You blushed, focusing on your plate as you filled it with food. Maria, ever perceptive, glanced between you and Joel with a knowing smile. "It's good to see everyone together," she said, her tone light and warm.

As you all began to eat, the conversation flowed naturally. Tommy and Maria talked about the latest updates in the community, Ellie shared stories from her day, and Joel occasionally chimed in with his dry humor, making everyone laugh.

At one point, Ellie leaned over to you, her voice low enough so only you could hear. "Joel's been different lately. In a good way. You've been good for him."

You looked at her, surprised by her observation. "I hope so. It's been... a journey."

Ellie nodded, her expression sincere. "Just keep being you. That's all he needs."

The meal continued, filled with warmth and laughter. Joel's hand occasionally brushed against yours, sending electricity down your body.

Just as you were starting to relax, a woman approached the table, her presence causing a ripple of unease. It was Lori, one of the women Joel used to date. Joel visibly tensed, his gaze dropping to his plate as Lori stopped beside him, her smile a mix of surprise and something else you couldn't quite place.

“Joel," she said, her voice smooth and confident. "I didn't expect to see you here."

Joel looked up, a flicker of recognition in his eyes. "Lori. Uh, hi."

Lori glanced around the table, her eyes settling on you for a moment before she looked back at Joel. "I was just passing by and saw you all together. Mind if I join?"

Before anyone could respond, Tommy jumped in. "Sure, why not? There's always room for one more."

Lori pulled up a chair and sat down, her presence adding a layer of tension to the dynamics. Joel seemed uncomfortable; his usual confidence was replaced by nervous energy.

"So, Joel," Lori began, her tone light but probing. "How have you been? It's been a while."

Joel cleared his throat, glancing at you briefly before answering. "Yeah, it has. I've been... good. Just busy with everything here."

Lori nodded, her gaze shifting between you and Joel. "I can see that. Looks like you've made some new friends." She said, bitterly, “The last time I knew from you was when you left my house after our night, and then you hit your head and never spoke to me again.”

The table fell silent, tension crackling in the air. Joel looked uncomfortable, his gaze dropping to his plate. You could see the guilt and confusion in his eyes as he tried to process Lori's words.

"I'm sorry, Lori," Joel finally said, his voice low. "I don't remember much from before the accident. It's been... complicated."

Lori's expression softened slightly, but the hurt in her eyes remained. "I get that. But it still stings, you know? You just disappeared."

You felt a pang of empathy for Lori but also a fierce protectiveness over Joel. "It's been hard for him,” you said gently, trying to ease the tension. "Joel's been working hard to piece things together. He's different now, and we're all just trying to move forward."

Lori glanced at you, her expression unreadable. "I can see that, but it seems like you had taken advantage of the situation; he couldn’t stand your ass before his accident, and suddenly you have him like a little puppy following you everywhere.”

Your heart drops to your stomach, feeling warm spreading to your cheeks.

Joel's jaw tightened, and he quickly interjected, his voice firm. "That's enough, Lori. You don't know what you're talking about."

Lori raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms. "I just find it convenient, that's all."

Tommy leaned forward, his tone calm but authoritative. "Lori, we're all trying to move forward here. It's not fair to make accusations."

Ellie, always quick to defend those she cared about, added, "You weren't here to see what she did for Joel. She saved his life and has been helping him every step of the way."

Lori's gaze softened slightly, but the tension remained. "I'm sorry if I overstepped. I just needed to understand."

Maria nodded, her voice gentle. "We all get that, Lori. It's been a tough situation for everyone."

You took a deep breath, trying to steady your emotions. "It's okay. "You took a deep breath before continuing. “I’ll take some fresh air,” you said, standing up, not even looking down at Joel, who seemed sad at your whole dementor.

You took a deep breath, trying to steady your emotions. "It's okay. I—" you paused, feeling the weight of the conversation pressing down on you. "I’ll take some fresh air," you said, standing up abruptly. Avoiding eye contact with Joel, who looked sad and concerned, you made your way outside.

The cool evening air was a welcome relief, and you walked a little way from the dining hall, finding a quiet spot to gather your thoughts. You leaned against a tree, closing your eyes and taking deep, calming breaths.

After a few moments, you heard footsteps approaching. You opened your eyes to see Ellie standing there, her expression filled with concern. "Hey, you okay?"

You nodded, managing a small smile. "Yeah, I just needed a moment. That was a bit embarrassing."

Ellie walked over and leaned against the wall next to you. "Lori was out of line. You've been amazing with Joel. Anyone with eyes can see that."

“So, don’t you think I’ve been taking advantage of him?” You asked, really concerned.

“What are you talking about? He is the one completely enamored by you.” She replied, laughing.

Ellie laughed, shaking her head. "What are you talking about? He is the one completely enamored by you."

You sighed, leaning back against the wall. "I know, but sometimes it feels like I’m walking on eggshells. It feels like he is going to wake up from his trance and he will hate me again."

Ellie placed a comforting hand on your shoulder. "Listen, I've seen the way he looks at you. He’s happier, lighter. You’ve brought out a side of him I didn’t think existed. And trust me, if he didn’t want this, he’d make it clear."

You took a deep breath.

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Ellie asked.

“Me, falling in love with him,” you answer.

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Ellie asked, her tone light but sincere.

You sighed, the weight of your fears pressing down. “Me, falling in love with him,” you answered quietly.

Ellie gave you a sympathetic look. "And why is that so bad?"

"Because," you began, struggling to put your feelings into words, "what if his memories come back and he realizes he doesn’t feel the same way? Or worse, what if I fall in love with him and he changes back to the old Joel, the one who couldn’t stand me?"

Ellie nodded, understanding. "That's a risk, sure. But you can't let fear keep you from living. You've been through so much together, and it's clear he cares about you deeply now. Maybe that won't change."

You bit your lip, the turmoil inside you reflected in your eyes. "I just don't want to get hurt, Ellie. And I don’t want to hurt him either."

Ellie squeezed your shoulder. "I get it. But if you keep holding back, you'll never know what could be. Sometimes, you just have to take a leap of faith."

You let out a shaky breath, nodding. "Maybe you're right."

Ellie grinned. "Of course I'm right. Now, let's get back in there. Joel's probably worrying himself sick."

You smiled, feeling a bit more at ease. "Okay, let's go."

As you walked back into the dining hall, you found Joel still sitting at the table, his eyes lighting up when he saw your return. He stood up as you approached, his concern evident.

"You okay?" he asked softly.

You nodded, giving him a reassuring smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just needed a breather."

Joel looked relieved, and he gently took your hand. "I'm glad you're back."

The evening continued with easy conversation, and as you all eventually made your way out of the dining hall, Joel walked beside you, his presence a comforting constant.

"Thanks for dinner," he said softly as you approached your door.

"Anytime," you replied, feeling a warmth in your chest at his words. "It was nice, being with everyone."

Joel nodded, his eyes lingering on you. "It was. And I meant what I said today. I’ll make you fall in love with me.”

You chuckled softly, feeling a mix of nerves and excitement at his words. "You're really set on that, aren't you?"

Joel nodded, his expression serious but with a hint of a smile that made you go crazy. "I am. Because I know what I feel now, and I’m not going to let it slip away."

You looked into his eyes, seeing the sincerity there. "Joel, this is new for both of us. We need to take it one step at a time."

He took a step closer, his hand gently brushing against yours. “Am I that unlovable?”

You blinked, taken aback by his question. "What? No, Joel, you're not unlovable at all. It's just... complicated."

Joel's eyes softened, and he took your hand in his, his thumb gently brushing over your knuckles. "I get that. But I need you to know that I’m not going anywhere. I’ll wait as long as it takes."

You felt a warmth spread through you at his words. "I appreciate that, Joel. And I do care about you. A lot. It's just..."

"Scary?" he finished for you, his voice gentle.

You nodded.

Joel's expression turned thoughtful, and he nodded slowly. "Yeah, I get it. It is scary. But sometimes, the best things come from taking a leap of faith."

You took a deep breath, feeling the weight of his words. "It’s not just about taking a leap. It’s about making sure we’re ready for whatever comes next."

Joel squeezed your hand gently, his eyes never leaving yours. "I understand. And I'm ready to take it slow to give you the space you need. Just know that I’m here for you, and I’m not giving up on us."

You felt a mix of relief and trepidation, but Joel's unwavering support gave you strength. "Thank you, Joel. That means a lot to me."

He leaned in, resting his forehead against yours for a moment, his breath warm against your skin. "We’ll figure it out, one step at a time."

You nodded, closing your eyes for a brief second, allowing yourself to savor the closeness and the promise of what might come. When you opened your eyes again, you saw Joel’s smile—a smile that made you believe in the possibility of a new beginning.

"Goodnight," he whispered, his voice tender, holding back the desire to cupp your face and kiss you.

"Goodnight, Joel," you replied, your heart fluttering, feeling the same as him.

Now standing, this close, face to face, skins touching. One of you would give in before, and once that happened, there was no going to be a way to stop two hearts beating this fast.

Joel's eyes locked onto yours, the intensity of his gaze revealing the depth of his emotions. You could see the conflict within him, the longing that mirrored your own. His hand lingered near your face, his fingers almost brushing against your skin, his breath warm and steady.

The moment felt suspended in time, the air between you charged with unspoken words and electric anticipation. You both stood there, so close that you could feel the heat radiating from each other, your hearts racing in sync.

Joel’s voice was barely above a whisper. “I don’t want to push you, but I also don’t want to pretend like I don’t feel this.”

You swallowed, your own voice trembling slightly. “I feel it too, Joel. But we need to be careful.”

Joel nodded, his expression a mix of desire and restraint. “I know. And I want to respect that. I just...” He hesitated, taking a deep breath as if trying to steady himself. “I don’t want to miss this chance with you. I’ve never felt this way before.”

Joel’s gaze flickered between your eyes and your lips, the desire and uncertainty evident in his expression. His hand gently cupped your face. His touch was tender, as if he were afraid to break the spell that bound you both.

You felt your heart race, every nerve ending alive with anticipation. Joel’s fingers brushed softly against your cheek, and you could see the struggle in his eyes as he fought to keep his emotions in check. His breath grew shallower, and his eyes closed for a brief moment, savoring the closeness.

Slowly, he leaned in, his lips brushing against yours in a soft, tentative kiss. It was gentle at first, a whisper of warmth and affection that sent a shiver down your spine. The moment felt both exhilarating and comforting, the culmination of all the unspoken words and feelings that had been building between you.

You responded instinctively, your lips moving softly against his. The kiss deepened gradually, a sweet exploration of new and uncharted territory. His hands moved to frame your face, his touch firm yet gentle, as if he were cherishing every second of this newfound closeness.

When you finally pulled away, both of you were breathless, your eyes locking in a moment of shared understanding. The kiss had been more than just a physical connection; it was a promise of something more, something that neither of you fully understood yet but were both eager to explore.

Joel’s smile was tender and full of warmth. “I’ve wanted to do that since I woke up that day at the infirmary,” he admitted softly, his eyes searching yours for any sign of hesitation.

You felt a blush rise to your cheeks at his confession. His words made your heart flutter even more, and you could see the sincerity in his eyes.

"I'm glad you did," you said softly, your voice barely above a whisper. "I've been feeling the same way."

Joel's smile widened, and he gently stroked your cheek with his thumb. "I didn’t want to rush things or push you. But now... now that we’ve shared this, I hope we can figure things out together."

You nodded, feeling a surge of hope and warmth. "I think we can. I want to see where this leads."

He took a deep breath, his gaze never leaving yours. "No pressure, just... being here with you."

You smiled, feeling a sense of calm and excitement. "I would like that.”

Joel nodded; his expression full of affection. "Good. Now, how about we get some rest? Tomorrow's a new day, and I want to spend it with you."

You felt a burst of warmth at his words and, inspired by the new closeness between you, you hesitated for just a moment before speaking up. “How about we go inside for a bit? I’ve got some tea. It might be nice to relax and talk more.”

Joel’s eyes lit up at the invitation, and he nodded with a smile. “That sounds perfect.”

You led the way to your house, the familiar surroundings now feeling different with Joel by your side. Once inside, you made your way to the kitchen and began preparing the tea. Joel watched you with an easy smile, clearly content.

As you waited for the water to boil, you and Joel chatted about lighter topics—how his recovery was going, plans for the community, and small anecdotes from your days. The conversation flowed easily, and the atmosphere between you was comfortable and warm.

When the tea was ready, you poured two cups and handed one to Joel. He took it with a grateful smile, his fingers brushing against yours. You both settled into a cozy corner of your living room, the soft light of a lamp casting a gentle glow around the room.

Joel sipped his tea, his gaze occasionally meeting yours. “This is nice,” he said softly. “Thank you for inviting me.”

Joel looked around your living room, the peaceful ambiance a stark contrast to the harsh world outside. He took another sip of his tea, then turned his gaze back to you. “You know, before all this, I had a pretty normal life. A family, a daughter named Sarah. She was... everything to me.”

His voice carried a tinge of sadness, and you could see the pain in his eyes. You nodded, sensing the weight of his memories. “I’m sorry, Joel. I can’t even imagine.”

Joel’s expression was somber but grateful. “Thanks. She was everything. When the outbreak happened, she... she didn’t make it. It’s been hard, you know? Trying to keep going and make sense of it all.”

You felt a pang of sympathy for him, knowing how devastating such a loss could be. “I understand. I lost my fiancé in a storm during the outbreak. We were caught outside, and he was... gone before I could do anything.”

Joel’s eyes softened with empathy. “That’s so tough. I’m really sorry you went through that.”

You took a deep breath, feeling the weight of your own memories. “It was the storm that made me afraid of them. Every time the weather changes, it reminds me of that day. I try not to let it control me, but sometimes, it’s hard.”

Joel reached out, placing his hand gently on yours. “I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with that. It’s brave of you to face it every day.”

You looked at his hand on yours, feeling a comforting warmth from his touch. “It’s been a struggle, but having people like you around makes it a little easier.”

Joel nodded, his gaze steady. “We all have our battles. But we’ve found ways to keep moving forward. And maybe together, we can make those battles a little less daunting.”

+++++

The days turned into weeks, and your relationship with Joel grew stronger. The bond you shared was evident in the way you looked at each other and the ease with which you interacted. People in Jackson had noticed the change in both of you, and there was a sense of warmth and contentment surrounding your partnership.

One afternoon, as you were working in the infirmary, organizing supplies and checking on patients, Joel walked in. He had that familiar, easy smile on his face, and his presence was a comforting one amidst the hectic pace of the medical work.

“Hey,” he said, leaning against the doorway. “Thought I’d stop by and see how you’re doing.”

You looked up, your face lighting up at the sight of him. “Hey, Joel. Just busy as usual. How’s everything on the patrol?”

Joel shrugged, walking over to where you were working. “Not too bad. But I figured I’d come by and keep you company. I know you’ve been spending a lot of time here.”

You nodded, your smile softening. “Yeah, I’ve been needed here more often lately. But it’s good to see you.”

Joel moved closer, his hand reaching out to gently touch your arm. “I’ve missed you. It’s different when you’re not around.”

You felt a surge of affection at his words. “I’ve missed you too. But this is important. People need help, and I want to make sure I’m here for them.”

Joel nodded, understanding in his eyes. “I get it. Just remember to take care of yourself too. I’d hate to see you running on empty.”

You chuckled, appreciating his concern. “I’ll try. But having you here now brought a smile to my face.”

He smiled, his gaze lingering on you. “Well, I’m glad to be here. Can I help with anything?”

You thought for a moment, then nodded. “Actually, if you could help me restock some of these supplies, that would be great.”

Joel moved closer, his hand gently brushing against yours as he began helping with the supplies. The shared task created a comfortable silence between you, with only the soft sounds of organizing supplies filling the space.

As you worked side by side, Joel’s gaze lingered on you with an intensity that made your heart race. Without warning, he leaned in, his lips brushing softly against yours in a tender, affectionate kiss. The kiss was a sweet proof the connection you shared, and you responded with equal tenderness, savoring the closeness.

Just as the kiss deepened, the door to the infirmary swung open, and Dr. Ramirez walked in. Her eyes widened slightly at the sight of you and Joel but quickly masked her surprise with a professional smile.

“Sorry to interrupt,” she said, her tone warm but slightly teasing. “I came to check on things and see if you needed any help.”

You and Joel pulled away; a bit flustered but smiling nonetheless. “We were just finishing up,” you said, trying to sound casual. “Everything’s in order.”

Dr. Ramirez nodded, her gaze flicking between you and Joel with a knowing look. “Alright, if you need anything, just let me know.”

As she moved to her office, you glanced at Joel, your cheeks still slightly flushed. “Well, that was embarrassing.”

Joel chuckled, his hand still resting lightly on yours. “Yeah, but I guess it’s a good thing everyone know you’re my girl.”

You looked up at Joel, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "I suppose it is. It’s nice to be able to be open about us."

Joel’s expression softened; his gaze warm. “It is. And I’m glad we don’t have to hide anymore.”

You squeezed his hand gently, feeling a sense of contentment. “Me too. It makes everything feel more real, more... solid.”

Joel nodded, his eyes never leaving yours. “Do you want to have dinner at my place?” he asked.

You looked up at Joel, a smile spreading across your face at the thought of spending more time together. “Dinner at your place sounds wonderful. I’d love that.”

Joel’s face lit up with a warm smile. “Great. I’ll make sure to have something good ready for us.”

You both made your way to Joel’s place, the evening air cool and crisp. The walk was filled with easy conversation and shared laughter, a comforting routine that had become a cherished part of your days.

When you arrived at Joel’s house, he opened the door and gestured for you to enter. The interior was cozy, with soft lighting and a welcoming atmosphere. He led you to the kitchen, where a simple but inviting dinner was laid out on the table.

Joel’s cooking was surprisingly good, and as you enjoyed the meal together, the conversation flowed effortlessly. You talked about everything and nothing—your favorite memories, plans for the future, and the little things that made you both laugh.

After dinner, you moved to the living room, where Joel had set up a comfortable spot with blankets and pillows. You both settled in, the atmosphere relaxed and intimate.

Joel looked at you with a soft smile. “I’m really glad you’re here.”

You snuggled closer to him, feeling a deep sense of contentment. “Me too. Tonight has been perfect.”

He wrapped his arm around you, his touch warm and reassuring. “Here’s to many more nights like this.”

You smiled, resting your head on his shoulder. “I’d like that.”

As the evening wore on, you both talked about your past experiences and shared stories from before the outbreak. Joel spoke about his life before everything changed—his family, the dreams he had, and the struggles he faced. You shared your own experiences, including the loss of your fiancé and the challenges of adapting to this new world alone.

Joel listened intently, his hand occasionally brushing against yours as if to reassure you. “It’s amazing how much we’ve both been through,” he said softly. “And yet, here we are.”

You nodded, feeling a deep connection. “Yeah. It feels like we’re building something meaningful despite everything.”

After some time, you both decided it was time to call it a night. You stood up, stretching slightly as you gathered your things. Joel walked with you to the door, his presence a comforting constant.

As you reached the door, Joel hesitated for a moment, then gently grabbed your wrist, stopping you from leaving. He looked at you with a mix of hesitation and hope in his eyes. “I was wondering… would you like to spend the night here? It’s been nice having you around, and I’d love to have you stay.”

You looked at him, surprised but touched by the invitation. The warmth in his eyes and the sincerity of his voice made it hard to resist.

“I’d like that,” you said softly, a smile spreading across your face.

Joel’s expression brightened, and he pulled you into a gentle hug. “Great. Let’s get you settled in.”

Joel led you to his bedroom, a space that felt both lived-in and welcoming. The room was simple but comfortable, with a bed covered in worn but clean linens and a few personal touches that spoke to Joel’s character—photos of his family, a well-loved guitar leaning against the wall, and a small stack of books on the bedside table.

He gestured to the bed with a slightly sheepish grin. “Sorry, it’s not much, but it’s home.”

You smiled, feeling a sense of warmth and acceptance. “It’s perfect.”

Joel nodded, his expression softening. “I’m glad you think so.”

You both prepared for bed in comfortable silence, the familiarity of the routine helping to ease any lingering tension. Joel showed you where you could find anything you might need—extra blankets, a lamp for reading, and a small cabinet for any personal items you might want to keep nearby.

As you both settled into the bed, Joel turned off the lights, leaving only a soft glow from a nightlight on the dresser. He slipped under the covers, and you followed suit, the warmth and comfort of the bed providing a welcome respite from the day’s events.

Joel turned toward you, his eyes meeting yours in the dim light. “I’m really glad you’re here,” he said softly, his voice tender.

You smiled, feeling a sense of peace as you settled closer to him. “Me too. It feels right.”

He reached out and gently took your hand, interlocking your fingers. The simple gesture was filled with meaning, and you could feel the connection between you growing stronger.

“Goodnight,” Joel whispered, his voice carrying a note of affection.

“Goodnight,” you replied, your heart fluttering with contentment.

A few days later, you and Ellie were seated at a table in the bustling dining hall, enjoying a well-deserved lunch. The room was filled with the murmur of conversations and the clinking of utensils, creating a comforting background noise.

Ellie, always full of energy, was animatedly talking about a new comic she’d found. “You won’t believe this,” she said, leaning in with a conspiratorial grin, “but this one hero has the power to control weather. I’m telling you, if I had that power, I’d totally make it sunny all the time.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Sounds like you’ve been reading too many comics. But I suppose a bit of sunshine wouldn’t hurt.”

Ellie grinned, grabbing a bite of her sandwich. “True, true. But, seriously, how are things going with Joel? You two seem... really happy.”

You smiled, feeling a warm flush at her question. “We are. It’s been nice, spending time together. He’s been really supportive, and I think we’re figuring things out.”

Ellie’s eyes lit up, clearly pleased with your answer. “I’m glad to hear that. He’s been a lot happier since you two started spending more time together. It’s like he’s found a new spark.”

You nodded, feeling a sense of contentment. “It’s been good for both of us. We’re still taking things one step at a time, but it feels right.”

Ellie’s expression turned thoughtful. “I know it’s been rough with everything that’s happened, but it’s nice to see people finding happiness again. Especially you and Joel.”

You appreciated Ellie’s support and her ability to lighten the mood. “Thanks, Ellie. That means a lot.”

Ellie glanced around the dining hall, then back at you with a mischievous grin. “So, are you guys planning any big adventures together? Or just sticking to the small stuff for now?”

You laughed softly. “We’re sticking to the small stuff for now. Just enjoying the moments, we have together.” You paused, “I’m still a little bit scared of him waking up hating me again.”

Ellie’s eyes softened with understanding. “I get that. It’s natural to be scared after everything you’ve both been through. But you’re doing great, and Joel is different now. He’s not going to just wake up one day and hate you.”

You sighed, a mixture of relief and lingering concern in your expression. “I hope you’re right. Sometimes, it’s hard to shake that fear, especially after everything that’s happened.”

Ellie nodded thoughtfully. “I think you both just need to keep talking and being honest with each other. The more you communicate, the more you’ll build that trust. And remember, it’s okay to have those fears. It just means you care.”

You managed a small smile. “Thanks, Ellie. It’s reassuring to hear that.”

Ellie grinned and took a bite of her lunch. “Anytime. And if you ever need someone to talk to or just need a distraction, you know I’m here. We can have a comic marathon or something.”

You laughed, feeling the warmth of Ellie’s support. “That sounds like a plan. I’ll definitely take you up on that.”

As you and Ellie finished your lunch, you stood up to clear your plates, the conversation easing into a comfortable silence. Just as you were about to head to the serving area, you suddenly felt two strong arms wrap around your middle, pulling you into a warm embrace. A soft, affectionate kiss was placed on your cheek, making you feel a surge of happiness and surprise.

You turned your head slightly, finding Joel’s smiling face close to yours. “Hey there,” he said, his voice full of warmth and affection. “I didn’t mean to interrupt, just wanted to steal a moment with you.”

Ellie watched with a grin, clearly pleased with the sight. “Looks like someone’s got a fan club.”

You blushed slightly, leaning into Joel’s embrace. “Hi, Joel. I was just catching up with Ellie.”

Joel’s gaze softened as he looked at you, his hand gently resting on your side. “I figured I’d come and see how you were doing. Plus, I wanted to see if you’d be up for a walk later.”

You smiled, feeling content in his arms. “A walk sounds nice. I’d love that.”

Joel nodded, his eyes twinkling with excitement. “Great. Let’s finish up here and head out.”

You and Joel exchanged a tender glance before you both started to clear your plates. Ellie gave you both a playful nudge. “I’ll leave you two to your walk. Enjoy, and remember, I’m always here if you need me.”

+++++++++++++

“So?” you asked, as Joel was smiling in complete silence.

“So what?” he asked without erasing that smile from his face.

“Aren’t you going to talk?”

Joel chuckled, his smile widening. “I guess I’m just enjoying the moment. It’s not every day I get to be this content.”

You raised an eyebrow, playfully nudging him. “Oh really? And why’s that?”

He looked at you, his gaze tender. “Because being with you like this, just walking and talking, it’s exactly what I’ve wanted. It’s simple and perfect.”

You smiled, feeling a warm glow from his words. “Well, I’m glad you’re enjoying it. So, what’s on your mind?”

Joel glanced around, taking in the scenery before meeting your eyes again. “I was thinking about how nice would be if you go to my place tonight. Ellie’s gonna spend the night with Dina and I want to spend the night with you.”

“That sounds wonderful,” you said with a smile. “I’d love to spend the night with you.”

Joel’s face lit up with a genuine smile, and he took your hand, gently squeezing it. “Great. I was hoping you’d say that.” He leaned and kiss you on the lips, “No I gotta go helping Tommy, see you later, sunshine”

You pouted, grabbing his hand before he could go anywhere “Wait? That was all?”

Joel chuckled softly, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “I thought I’d surprise you with the invitation, and I wanted to make sure you knew how much I enjoy spending time with you.”

You raised an eyebrow, playfully teasing. “Well, I didn’t realize the evening was just an invitation and a kiss goodbye.”

Joel grinned, clearly amused. “Alright, alright. If you want more, I guess I’ll have to come up with something better.” He pulled you into another kiss, this one longer and more lingering.

You smiled against his lips as you pulled away. “That’s more like it. But seriously, I was looking forward to spending time with you.”

Joel’s gaze softened, and he cupped your face gently. “I’m looking forward to it too. Just had to help Tommy out with something. I promise, I’ll make up for it.”

You nodded, still holding onto his hand. “I’ll hold you to that. See you later, Joel.”

He gave you one last smile before heading out, leaving you with a warm feeling and the anticipation of the evening ahead.

+++++++++++++

When you arrived at Joel's place, the sun had just dipped below the horizon, casting a warm, golden glow across the surroundings. Joel greeted you at the door with a welcoming smile and a quick, affectionate kiss.

"Hey, glad you could make it," he said, taking your coat and hanging it up. "I’ve got a few things planned, but we can start with something simple if you’d like."

You stepped inside, feeling the comforting familiarity of Joel’s home. “I’m sure whatever you’ve got planned will be perfect,” you replied, smiling at him.

Joel led you into the living room, where he’d set up a cozy area with blankets and cushions. The room was softly lit by lamps, and the atmosphere was inviting and warm. A few candles were flickering on the coffee table, casting a gentle glow.

“I figured we could start with some dinner and then maybe just talk or something else” Joel suggested, his eyes reflecting the soft light.

You nodded, feeling content with the simple but thoughtful setup. “That sounds great.”

Joel moved to the kitchen and returned shortly with a plate of homemade food—something comforting and hearty. He set it down on the table, then joined you on the couch.

As you both ate, the conversation flowed easily, just like it had during your earlier moments together. You talked about your days, your plans, and even some light-hearted topics. Joel’s presence was reassuring, and you felt completely at ease.

After dinner, Joel suggested putting on some music. He rummaged through his collection, finally settling on a classic that he thought you’d enjoy. You both snuggled up under the blankets, the music playing softly in the background.

Joel occasionally glanced at you, his hand resting casually on your knee. The song played, but most of your attention was focused on the comfort of being next to him, the warmth of his touch, and the quiet contentment that filled the room.

Joel turned to you, his gaze tender. “You know, I’m really glad we’re doing this. Just being here with you, it feels right.”

You smiled, leaning into him. “I feel the same way.”

Joel’s hand moved to gently brush your hair back from your face. “What’s your biggest fear?” he asked out of the blue?

You sighed, leaving his gaze for a moment “You waking up and forgetting you love me”

Joel’s brow furrowed slightly at your answer, a mix of concern and curiosity in his eyes. “Why would you think that? I don’t see any reason why that would happen.”

You took a deep breath, feeling vulnerable as you shared your fear. “It’s just….you knew I told you we didn’t get along before, in fact you hated me, Joel.”

Joel’s eyes softened as he listened to your concern. He took a moment before responding, his voice steady and reassuring. “I know things weren’t easy between us before. And yeah, I didn’t handle things the best way back then. But that’s in the past. What matters now is how we are right now.”

He reached out and gently took your hand in his. “The truth is, I’ve changed. And I see you differently now. I see you for who you are, and I realize how much you mean to me. Whatever those old feelings were? They’re gone. What we have now is real, and I’m committed to it.”

You looked into his eyes, searching for the truth in his words. “But what if one day you wake up and those old feelings come back? What if something changes?”

Joel shook his head, his gaze intense and full of conviction. “I don’t believe that’ll happen. I’ve come to understand how much you mean to me, and how deeply I care about you.”

He squeezed your hand gently, his expression earnest. “I’m not going to let those fears control us. We’re building something strong, and I want to keep building it with you. I’m here, and I’m committed to making sure we have a future together.”

You felt a wave of relief and warmth at his words. “Thank you, Joel. That really means a lot to me.”

Joel smiled softly, leaning in to kiss your forehead. “I’m glad. And if you ever need reassurance, just ask. I’m always here to remind you of how much you mean to me.”

You nestled closer to him, feeling a deep sense of comfort and closeness. The fears that had been troubling you began to fade as you focused on the warmth of his embrace and the sincerity in his voice.

Joel’s gaze lingered on yours, his eyes filled with a mix of tenderness and resolve. Slowly, he leaned in, his lips brushing softly against yours. The kiss was gentle at first, a careful exploration of newfound trust and affection.

As the kiss deepened, it became more passionate, conveying all the emotions and reassurances that words alone couldn’t fully capture. Joel’s hand cupped your face, his touch warm and reassuring as he pressed closer.

You responded to the kiss, your own hands moving to rest against his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. The kiss felt like a promise, a shared understanding of where you both stood and where you hoped to go.

When you finally pulled away, both of you were breathless, your foreheads touching as you gazed into each other’s eyes. The room seemed to fade away, leaving just the two of you wrapped in this moment of closeness.

Joel’s smile was soft, his voice barely more than a whisper. “I needed to do that. To show you just how much you mean to me.”

You smiled back, your heart full. “I needed that too.”

Joel gently brushed a strand of hair from your face, his touch lingering.

After that, everything happened in a flash. Neither of you realized when you removed your clothes, but there was too much desperation in your touch; you wanted to discover how his fingers could leave a mark on you, tracing invisible lines across your body.

He kissed you again, slipping his tongue past your lips, gasping when he felt your fingers running your fingertips across his bare chest, tracing the lines of a map leading to where you couldn’t stop.

With one of your hands, you pulled him down by his neck to hold you against your lips again. Once you tasted them, you couldn’t get over the taste of them over yours, and you couldn’t get over the whimpers he left in your mouth.

He was hovering over you, giving you a passionate kiss. He was between your legs, exactly where you wanted him.

He pulled his lips away from yours for a moment to glance down at you. To appreciate the features of your face and the nature of your body to admire the features of your face, and the nature of your body being displayed just for him right now. You felt the crimson color rushing up to your checks and for a moment you felt embarrassed under his stare, but he smiled at you.

“You look beautiful”. He swallowed hard, stroking your cheek with his thumb.

His hands on your tights only increased the sparks in the place you wanted him the most, you wanted to follow the path even when you knew it was leading to a treacherous destination.

You continued kissing slowly as he caressed your thighs with his gently touch, as he wanted to worship your body and devour every single sound coming out from your mouth. He kissed you down over your neck, kissing, nipping your skin between his teeth.

And God, he loved the way you were making him feel. The fact this time was different to everything you had experiencing before. At this moment, you weren’t driving for only passionate reasons, but for caring feelings for each other. You weren’t in a rush and that turned him on. He was hard for you and he wanted to meet where religion was, between your thighs.

This time he was making love because he had drowned himself on your religion.

Both of you gasped aloud the moment he began to push slowly inside you. His hands reached for yours, interlocking them as he kissed you softly, muttering, "You're so beautiful like this". He was mesmerized by the way you were nervously giggling and cocking your head back in delight. He bit your neck, prompting your hands to move up to his neck, and his hands ran down your entire body without a layer of clothing on you, focusing on every thrust and diving deep to ensure he was making you happy.

You opened your eyes and stared back at him, entirely focused on you. You couldn't help but roll your eyes as his hands massaged your breasts while he continued to devour your lips. Your back arched, followed by a moan against his lips. Every thrust felt so fantastic, you couldn't help but think you were in the celestial realm You could tell you were getting closer as you squeezed him and kept your gaze fixed on each other. He pushed harder, one hand caressing your cheek and the other gripping your knee to guarantee you fell apart.

The noises you made drove him insane, as he felt himself reaching the edge of the cliff. He wanted to stare at you under him as you came and with a loud gasp, he did it at the same time falling over your exposed chest, your heartbeats mingling.

You moaned softly beneath him, and Joel raised his head to look at you, flashing him a cute smile he hadn't tired of, as you kissed him on the lips.

"I love you so much," he replied, gazing at you with admiration. “I’m so in love with you.”

I love you.

I’m so in love with you.

Those three words were echoing in the shadows of your mind. Your expression softened and you felt your blood rushing. You were sure they had had an impact on you.

“And I love you so much” you whispered back, your voice trembling slightly with the depth of your emotion.

Joel’s expression softened even further, and he brushed a tender kiss against your lips once more. The connection between you was undeniable, a blend of passion and deep affection that had grown stronger with each passing day.

You rested your head on his chest, feeling his heartbeat steady and strong beneath you. The world outside seemed distant and unimportant in the warmth of his embrace. For a moment, everything felt perfect, and you allowed yourself to fully embrace the love and happiness you had found with Joel.

Joel gently ran his fingers through your hair, his touch soothing. “We’ve come a long way, haven’t we?”

You nodded, your eyes closing as you savored the moment. “Yeah, we have. And I wouldn’t change a thing.”

Joel’s arms tightened around you, pulling you closer. “Neither would I. Here’s to more moments like this, and to whatever the future holds for us.”

You smiled, feeling a deep sense of contentment and anticipation for what was to come. “To us,” you agreed, your heart full of love and hope.

+++++++++++

The soft morning light filtered through the curtains, casting a gentle glow over the room. You stirred, waking up with a smile on your face. The previous night’s intimacy and love still lingered, and you turned to look at Joel. He was sleeping peacefully beside you, a contented expression on his face.

As you watched him, you felt a surge of happiness and affection. You reached out, gently brushing a strand of hair from his forehead, your heart full of love for him.

But as Joel’s eyes fluttered open and he met your gaze, his expression shifted dramatically. His sparkly brown eyes filled with love, widened in horror, and a look of confusion and fear crossed his face. He pushed himself up, scrambling back slightly.

“What...What the fuck are you doing here?” he asked, his voice trembling with a mix of shock and fear.

You were taken aback, your smile faltering as you tried to make sense of his reaction. “Joel, what’s wrong?”

No. It couldn’t be that, right?

Joel’s eyes were filled with a pained realization. “Oh my god, you came to my house trying to seduce me into sleeping with you?”

You felt a sharp pang of pain at his words, and your heart dropped. The warmth you had felt earlier was replaced by a cold, unsettling feeling.

“No, Joel, that’s not what happened,” you said, trying to keep your voice steady despite the hurt. “We’re in love”

He chuckled. “In love? Me in love with you? I could never” he said.

Your chest tightened, and the hurt in Joel’s words felt like a physical blow. You struggled to keep your composure, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill.

“Joel, you can’t mean that,” you said, your voice shaking. “Last night, you said you loved me. We shared something real.”

Joel’s expression was a mix of confusion and pain. “I don’t remember saying that. Last night I was with Lori”

That’s it. You were back at were you used to be.

The weight of Joel’s words hit you like a punch to the gut. You felt a mix of betrayal and heartache, as the realization sank in. The warmth and affection from the night before felt like a cruel illusion.

“So, what? You’re saying last night meant nothing?” you asked. The tears you had been holding back finally spilled over. “You really don’t remember? You don’t remember how we talked, how you told me you loved me?”

“I don’t love you.” He said, sternly.

“But I’m your sunshine” you sobbed.

Joel’s laughter pierced through you like a blade, and you could barely stand the weight of the realization. Each word he spoke seemed to tear away at the fabric of your heart, unraveling the dream you’d clung to so desperately.

The room felt colder, the air heavier, as you fought to control your sobs. Every touch, every shared moment that had once seemed so real was now reduced to nothing more than painful echoes of a memory that never truly existed.

He didn’t remember the stealing glances, the kisses, the touches and the promises than now seemed to fade with the cruel destiny meeting the ending meant to be.

You had taken a risk at falling in love with the version of a Joel who loved you back, and he didn’t exist anymore. He had faded just when he had told you he loved you.

He didn’t remember falling in love with you, he didn’t remember all the time you spent together, and he didn’t remember loving you, but you didn’t think this would hurt this much.

“Joel” you said, pleading him to remember.

“Out.” He said, gritting his teeth.  

You stood there, the pain in your chest almost unbearable, as Joel's harsh words echoed around you. The warmth and affection you had shared just hours before now seemed like a cruel illusion, shattered by his denial.

"Joel, please," you said, your voice trembling. "Just think about everything we shared. It was real."

Joel’s eyes were hard, and he crossed his arms defensively. “I don't remember any of it. And I can't fake feelings I don't have.”

You felt a deep, profound sadness, the weight of his words making it almost impossible to breathe. The life you had envisioned, the love you had felt, seemed to slip away like sand through your fingers.

“Please, just—” you tried to reason with him, but the look in his eyes made it clear that any further pleading was futile.

Joel’s expression remained firm, a mix of regret and frustration. “Everything I know is that you took advantage of me.”

The sting of Joel's words cut deep, each one echoing the finality of a dream you had cherished. The accusation of taking advantage of him felt like a betrayal, intensifying the emotional agony you were already struggling with.

You took a shaky breath, trying to hold onto the fragments of your composure. "Joel, I never did that. We have something—"

Joel interrupted; his voice cold. "I don’t want to hear it. You need to leave. Now."

The finality in his tone left no room for argument. With a heart heavy with sorrow, you nodded, unable to find the words that might change his mind.

You were only on one of his shirts, trying to find your clothes.

You stumbled through the room, your movements disjointed as you searched for your clothes. The pain and confusion made every action feel like an immense effort. Joel’s gaze remained fixed on you, his face a mask of distant resolve.

You found your jeans, but it was crumpled and stained, and you struggled to put it on with trembling hands. The fabric felt rough against your skin, a stark contrast to the comfort you had felt just hours before. You glanced around for your other belongings, the room now feeling foreign and unwelcoming.

“I... I can’t find my blouse,” you said again, your voice a whisper filled with desperation and trembling.

Joel’s eyes flicked to you briefly before he spoke with a tone that brooked no argument. “Don’t worry about it. Just wear my shirt. I won’t wear it again.” His voice was cold and icy, not more softness as when they used to whisper things on your ear.

The coldness in his words made it clear that there was no room for negotiation or further conversation. You nodded numbly, the shirt you were already wearing now feeling like a heavy shroud setting your skin on fire.

As you finished dressing, you glanced around the room one last time, trying to memorize the space you were leaving behind. The sight of the room, so filled with the promise you fooled yourself onto believing.

There was an intensified the ache in your chest.

Joel stood by the door, his posture rigid as if he were bracing himself for something. His eyes didn’t meet yours, focusing instead on some distant point. The silence between you was heavy with the weight of the broken bond that never existed.

As you pulled on your shoes, your heart cracked completely sank in deeper. You looked up, meeting Joel’s eyes one last time.

“Joel, I’m sorry for everything,” you said softly, your voice barely above a whisper. “I never meant to cause any harm. I just wanted—”

Joel cut you off with a slight nod, his face still set in a hard expression. “Just go. Please.”

You swallowed hard, the lump in your throat almost making it impossible to speak. The intensity of Joel's gaze, filled with a mixture of pain and indifference, made it clear that any further words would be futile.

With one last, lingering look at him and the room that just yesterday had witnessed three empty words that now didn’t meant anything, you turned and made your way down the hall. Each step felt like a weight lifting off your shoulders, even as the burden of what you were leaving behind pressed heavily on your heart.

As you reached the front door, the cool morning air hit you, providing a stark contrast to the warmth you had felt just hours before. The quiet outside was a jarring reminder of the world that continued, indifferent to the personal turmoil you were experiencing.

With every step, you tried to reconcile the reality you faced with the memories of what you had thought was true, a momentary field of dreams. The pain was sharp and immediate. How would you continue life after losing another love?

+++++++

[senascoop]

SENA’S FAVOURITES ᶻ 𝘇 𐰁 TAG GAME

Ꮺ by @iovestuck and I might've added-edited some questions to my liking. all of these answers are genuine and not with the bias of some of them being my moots. also, extremely sorry if I didn't add you on here. most of them are nsfw so... minors please do not interact. (💌)

001. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE FANFICS?

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER — @i2sunric

i already yapped a lot when I first read her fic but this was personally really really cute to read and I loved heeseung’s and the reader’s bickering a lot.

THE PERFECT COPY — @florestalio

if this fanfic was a person I'd date them lol. this was something new and easily secured a seat in my favs.

STILL INTO YOU — @i2sunric

another one of casey’s work that I love a lot.

COULD I BE MORE OBVIOUS? — @rkvriki

this was written like a year ago and is still really good. especially the way it actually captured the “rich ceo husband” vibes.

BUT DADDY I LOVE HIM — @heechwe

what were you thinking when you wrote that lexi? i couldn't find a single bad thing about the fic when i first read it and ngl it still remains as one of my fav.

FIXED COMFORT — @paarksunghoon

coming back to read this after a bad day and this never fails to bring a smile on my face even if I've already re-read this a lot of times.

002. FANFICS YOU'VE READ RECENTLY?

haven't read much lately but this has to be my list — heehoon jerking off together while thinking of the reader. part one, part two not sure if there's more parts, sharing = caring , and then this mind-blowing fic by casey, heavenly , i personally found this one cute, and then I've read this smtg about toxic situationship heeseung, then this one from mochiwonz which made me laugh, this from yuvany, reader is mean in this one but it's good, little lamb ... I have more but I can't exactly add all of them here—so if you're looking for fic recs, you should check @senascoooop

003. WHAT FANFICS DO YOU THINK SHOULD GET MORE RECOGNITION?

PUPPY ANTICS — @florestalio

I always re-read this because well... no reason-just the descriptions and the scene (though I hate angel for cutting it short...)

YOU’RE LOSING ME — @i2sunric

y'all are missing out on a lot of good stuff if you haven't read this angsty angst fic.

CORPSE BRIDE — @yuvany

start to end-just perfection.

BEWITCHED — @p4ranormaluv

to describe this fic in one word would be #wtfdidijustread? In a good way ofc. this deserves way more notes than it has right now.

TIL DEATH DO US PART — sena

TIED UP IN YOU — sena

self promo lol but I actually like these two of my works and they might as well be my best ones till now.

HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS — @flwrstqr

a really fun fic to read, especially with the way both the reader and heeseung’s goal was definitely not to fall in love... but the two anyways did so.

VENOM — @gyuuberryy

the tension in this one and half way transformation of jay was just wowwww.

HORROR — @starryjake

the smut was rather really... cute alongside the ending...

666 — @simpjaes

a big fan of dark fics. and this was absolutely flawless!!

Not really a fanfic but rather sfw niki audio by @vanesycho part one, part two, part three, part four. I usually listen to these when I'm feeling down or can't fall asleep.

004. FAVOURITE AUTHORS?

all of my moots ofc lol but other than that ,

@i2sunric — all of her fics are hits and i personally really really really love them.

@florestalio — first found out about her through the fic “human or not” and I liked it from the go. and nevertheless-even if it's been a little time, I think we match the freak nonetheless.

@yuvany — she was in my favs the second i read corpse bride. then there's miss ugly duckling and her recent jay fic... absolutely amazing.

@p4ranormaluv — do I even need to have a reason for her to be here? she's really talented with the way she writes. Though I hope she's enjoying her break <3

@heechwe — every time you think someone can't get more sweet... lexi replies. even her fics are chefs kiss.

@gyuuberryy — she's my hype girl (ofc I'll add her on here and also bcz her fics are a big mwahh)

@mochiwonz — we aren't moots or anything but her works (smaus) randomly came in my for you page and i actually enjoyed a lot of them (so I'm adding her here too)

@paarksunghoon — every time a hard thought of hers comes into my for you-i know my evening's not gonna be so boring. y’all should read her fixed comfort and you plus me fic. 100% recommended.

@starryjake — another author who's also really good at making hard thoughts and fics :)

005. WHICH AUTHOR/READER DO YOU ADMIRE/ADORE THE MOST AND WHY?

all of my readers and moots ^^

but aside from them, i admire casey (i2sunric) & jazmine (p4ranormaluv) a lot and sort of started to write after reading their works <3

now I adore a lot of authors and readers but angel (florestalio) and ady (gyuuberry) have a special place in my heart. and I've actually gotten used to seeing some frequent readers which I absolutely notice and adore but the loud ones so far would be @zyvlxqht @flowerwinds (thank you so much for showing nothing other than love to me and my works) 🫶🏻💗

NOTE FROM SENA , i don't really read a lot which might explain why I don't have some more popular fics or authors in the recs. I'm also very sorry if I've forgotten someone (totally not intentional) this was really fun to make...thank you rain (iovestuck) you're another sweetie I found on blr :)

ᶻ 𝘇 𐰁 tagging anyone who wants to join

[reveriebae]

You Wrote That For Me, Didn't You? [Part 2]

pairing(s) : Idol!Yunho x Atiny!reader

word count : 4915

summary : The night spirals as Yunho’s teasing and touch drive you to the edge, overstimulating you until you're begging for more, leaving you craving every sinful second.

genre : smut

warning(s) : explicit content, overstimulation, dirty talk, power dynamics,mentions of fanfiction and smut, cunnilingus and oral fixation, along with mild degradation, mention of hand kink(?). Let me know if I missed anything!

A/N : I noticed y'all love this so much, so enjoy this little treat:)

Minors do not interact, 21+ only!!

🪐smut under the cut🪐

You didn’t go home that night. Not because you didn’t want to—because you couldn’t.

Every time you closed your eyes, Yunho’s voice echoed in your head.

"Don’t stop writing. I like seeing what you come up with."

It haunted you. The way he had looked at you, touched you, spoken to you. Like he knew exactly what he was doing. Like he had already decided what would happen next.

And deep down, you knew it too.

Because just as you had convinced yourself to forget it, to push the encounter to the back of your mind as nothing more than a fever dream—

Your phone buzzed.

A text.

Unknown Number: "Room 1709. Conrad Seoul. Don’t keep me waiting, baby."

Your stomach dropped.

You shouldn’t have gone.

You should have ignored it, deleted the message, and gone home like a good girl.

But instead—

You were standing outside the hotel door, heart hammering, fingers hovering over the handle.

You knew what this was. Knew that the moment you stepped inside, there was no going back.

And yet—

You pushed the door open.

The room was dim, the only light coming from the city skyline pouring in through the floor-to-ceiling windows. The air was thick, warm, carrying the faint scent of expensive cologne.

And then there was him.

Yunho stood near the window, hands in his pockets, his silhouette cast against the glass.

He didn’t turn around immediately. Instead, he let the silence stretch—so suffocating, so unbearably tense that your breath caught in your throat.

Finally, he spoke.

“I knew you’d come.”

Your fingers curled into fists. “How did you get my number?”

Yunho let out a soft chuckle, finally turning to face you. His expression was unreadable—half amusement, half something darker.

“Does it matter?” he murmured, stepping closer.

You should have stepped back.

You didn’t.

Yunho watched you carefully, his gaze dipping down, taking in the rise and fall of your chest, the way your body betrayed you with every shallow breath.

Then—

He reached out, fingers skimming along your wrist, slow and deliberate.

“I read everything you wrote about me,” he murmured. “Every filthy little fantasy.”

Your throat went dry, is he gonna punish you?

Yunho’s fingers curled around your wrist, pulling you closer—so close you could feel his breath against your skin.

“I think it’s time I see if you meant it.”

Your breathing was uneven.

The air in the hotel room felt heavier now, charged with something dark, something undeniable. Yunho hadn’t even touched you properly, yet your body was already betraying you—heat pooling low in your stomach, legs pressing together, fingers twitching at your sides.

And he saw it.

He always did.

Yunho’s lips twitched, eyes flickering between yours before he leaned in just a fraction closer. “You still haven’t answered me,” he murmured.

Your heart slammed against your ribs.

“Answered what?” you managed, voice barely above a whisper.

His grip on your chin tightened—just a little, just enough. “Aren’t you going to let me test them?”

You knew what he meant.

Every filthy detail you had ever written. Every desperate, depraved fantasy where you had turned him into something dangerous, something relentless. Where he had taken you apart in ways you had never even experienced in real life.

And now—

Now he was standing in front of you, giving you the chance to live it.

Your throat bobbed.

“…Yes.”

It was soft. Almost too soft. But Yunho heard it.

And he smirked.

His other hand lifted, fingers brushing along your jaw—so gently it made your skin ache for more. “Good girl,” he murmured, his voice like velvet. “I knew you’d be obedient.”

The praise sent a jolt of arousal straight through you.

Yunho noticed.

His smirk deepened. “Ah,” he chuckled, his fingers ghosting lower, down the column of your throat. “You like that, don’t you?”

You bit your lip.

A mistake.

Because Yunho’s gaze dropped instantly—to your mouth, to the way your teeth sank into your bottom lip like you were trying to hold back.

That flicker of restraint vanished.

Before you could even react, Yunho moved—swift, deliberate. His hand slid behind your neck, pulling you flush against him, and then—

His lips crashed against yours.

It wasn’t sweet. It wasn’t gentle.

It was claiming.

His tongue swiped along the seam of your lips, demanding entry, and when you gasped—when you whimpered—he took full advantage, deepening the kiss, drinking you in like he had been waiting for this for far too long.

His grip tightened, fingers tangling in your hair, and the heat of him, the sheer size of him, had your knees buckling.

Yunho noticed.

And he loved it.

His free hand dropped, sliding around your waist, pulling you hard against him—against the solid heat of his chest, against the unmistakable hardness pressing into your stomach.

You moaned. You couldn’t help it.

Yunho growled.

“Fuck,” he murmured against your lips. “You sound even better than I imagined.”

He didn’t even give you a second to process before his mouth was on yours again—hungrier this time, more desperate. His teeth scraped against your lower lip, his grip on your waist tightening as if he wanted to pull you inside him.

And you let him.

Because Yunho wasn’t just testing your fantasies anymore.

He was rewriting them.

Yunho didn’t let up.

He kissed you like he was starving—like he had waited too long for this moment and wasn’t going to waste a single second. His tongue swept into your mouth, claiming, teasing, until you were dizzy from the sheer intensity of it.

Your fingers clutched at his shirt, desperate for something to ground you, but Yunho wasn’t giving you a chance to catch your breath.

His hands were already moving.

Sliding down your sides, gripping your waist, exploring like he had every right to.

And then—

A gasp tore from your lips as Yunho yanked you even closer—so close you could feel him, the hard press of his body against yours, the heat radiating off him in waves.

He groaned, low and rough, his lips trailing from your mouth down to your jaw.

“Mm,” he hummed, his voice thick with amusement. “You’re shaking.”

You were.

Because Yunho wasn’t just touching you—he was devouring you, piece by piece, taking his time, making sure you felt everything.

His teeth grazed your pulse, sending a shiver down your spine.

Then—

He bit.

Not hard—just enough to make you whimper, your hands fisting in his shirt.

Yunho chuckled against your skin, his tongue flicking out to soothe the sting.

“Sensitive,” he mused, his grip tightening on your waist. “That’s cute.”

His fingers dipped lower.

Trailing down your stomach, teasing, threatening.

You gasped, your body tensing in anticipation, but Yunho—

Yunho stopped.

A slow, wicked smirk curled on his lips as he pulled back just slightly, his eyes locked onto yours.

“Say it,” he murmured.

Your breath caught. “Say… what?”

Yunho tilted his head. “You know what.”

Your stomach flipped.

Because you did know.

He wanted you to ask.

To admit that you wanted it.

Your cheeks burned, your pride screaming at you to hold out, to make him work for it—but Yunho saw that hesitation.

And he wasn’t having it.

His fingers ghosted over the waistband of your jeans, teasing, torturing.

“You wrote all those filthy little things about me,” he murmured, lips brushing your ear, “but now you’re too shy to say it?”

Your entire body trembled.

Yunho laughed.

A deep, pleased sound, like he was thoroughly enjoying this.

Then—

He leaned in, his breath hot against your lips.

“Be a good girl,” he whispered.

His fingers dipped lower.

“Tell me what you want.”

You couldn’t breathe.

Not properly. Not with the way Yunho was watching you, waiting—so patient, so in control.

His fingers hovered just over the waistband of your jeans, not moving, not pressing any further. Teasing. Taunting.

You knew what he wanted.

But you were still struggling to say it.

Yunho sighed—a slow, amused sound—before pulling back just enough to meet your gaze.

And then—

He lifted his hand.

Right in front of your face.

You froze.

Your stomach plummeted.

Because you knew what he was doing.

Your obsession with his hands wasn’t a secret.

Not to yourself. Not to your readers.

And apparently—

Not to him.

“You like these, don’t you?” Yunho murmured, flexing his fingers slightly, watching the way your eyes locked onto the movement.

You swallowed hard.

His hands were ridiculous.

Big. Veiny. Strong. The kind that could wrap around your throat, your waist—your entire existence—and make you feel small.

And he knew it.

A smirk tugged at his lips. “You wrote about them so many times,” he mused, curling his fingers slowly, making you watch. “I wonder—”

His palm ghosted over your stomach, fingers spreading, pressing lightly against the fabric of your shirt.

“Were you thinking about them when you touched yourself?”

A broken whimper escaped your lips.

Your thighs squeezed together, your body screaming for more, but Yunho—

Yunho was enjoying this too much.

“You want them on you, don’t you?” he murmured.

Your breath hitched.

His hand shifted, fingers tracing just under the hem of your shirt.

You whimpered.

Yunho laughed.

“I knew it,” he whispered.

Then—

His fingers moved.

Yunho’s fingers moved—slowly, deliberately, like he knew how much it was killing you.

Your breathing hitched as his hand slid under your shirt, palm warm against your bare skin. His fingers traced over your stomach, featherlight, teasing—so agonizingly slow that you swore he was doing it just to watch you squirm.

And he was.

“Mm,” he hummed, voice deep, thick with amusement. “I can feel you shaking.”

Your lips parted, a soft whimper slipping free before you could stop it.

Yunho groaned.

“You love this, don’t you?” His voice dropped lower, rougher. His palm spread wider, fingers pressing into your skin just enough to make you feel his strength. “You love my hands on you.”

You did.

Too much.

And Yunho knew it.

His thumb brushed along your ribs, his fingers dragging lower—so close, yet still not enough.

Your head tilted back, lips trembling as a frustrated whine built in your throat.

Yunho laughed.

“Oh, baby,” he murmured, his breath warm against your ear. “Are you getting impatient?”

Your fingers curled into his shirt, gripping tight as you nodded.

Yunho smirked.

“So desperate,” he mused, his fingers trailing even lower. “And for what?”

His lips brushed your jaw, a soft, teasing kiss.

“For my hands?”

You let out a whimper.

Yunho groaned.

“Fuck,” he muttered, his grip on your waist tightening. “I should make you beg for them.”

Your stomach flipped.

Because the worst part?

You would.

You would beg.

And Yunho knew it.

His fingers flexed against your skin, slow, purposeful—reminding you of what they could do. Of what they were capable of.

And then—

His other hand came up, fingers wrapping around your throat.

Not tight. Not squeezing.

Just holding.

Just reminding you.

Your breath caught.

Yunho leaned in, his lips grazing yours, his voice barely a whisper—

“Say it, baby.”

His thumb stroked over your pulse, slow, teasing.

“Tell me how bad you want them.”

Your whole body was burning.

Yunho’s hand was still wrapped around your throat—not tight, just there, just holding you, reminding you of the sheer size of it. The way his fingers nearly spanned the entire width of your neck, the way his thumb rested just over your racing pulse.

And you couldn’t focus on anything else.

Not with his other hand still ghosting over your stomach, still teasing, still making you ache for more.

But he wasn’t moving.

He was waiting.

Because he wanted to hear it.

Your pride screamed at you to hold out, to fight the urge to give in too easily. But Yunho—

Yunho saw your hesitation.

And he laughed.

“Oh, baby,” he sighed, his grip tightening just slightly—not enough to hurt, just enough to make your breath hitch. “Still trying to be stubborn?”

Your lips parted, but nothing came out.

Yunho grinned.

“You were so bold when you wrote about me,” he murmured, tilting his head, his eyes mocking. “So shameless.”

His thumb stroked along your throat, slow, deliberate.

“But now?” He smirked. “Now you can’t even speak?”

Your stomach flipped.

Yunho knew.

He knew you were already gone, that you were seconds away from crumbling completely.

And he wanted to watch it happen.

His fingers flexed, his grip tightening just a little more. “Say it,” he murmured.

A soft whimper slipped free, your body trembling beneath his touch.

But Yunho—

Yunho wasn’t satisfied.

His hand moved, fingers trailing down, tracing over your collarbone, your shoulder—so slowly, so purposefully that you swore he was doing it just to make you suffer.

And then—

He lifted his hand again, right in front of your face.

Let you see it.`

His fingers flexed.

And you broke.

“P-please,” you breathed, your voice shaking.

Yunho’s eyes darkened.

His hand twitched, but he still didn’t move.

“Please what?” he murmured.

Your face burned.

You swallowed hard, your fingers clenching in his shirt as your pride crumbled under the weight of his gaze.

“Please,” you whispered. “Touch me.”

Yunho groaned.

His head dropped, his lips brushing against your temple as he exhaled sharply. “That’s cute,” he murmured.

His fingers brushed your jaw, tilting your chin up until you were forced to meet his gaze.

“But I think you can do better.”

Your pulse spiked.

Yunho smirked, his hand shifting again, his palm pressing flat against your stomach now, warm and firm.

“You’ve been obsessed with my hands for so long,” he mused. “You’ve written entire paragraphs about them.”

His fingers spread, pressing into your skin.

“You know exactly what they can do.”

You whimpered.

Yunho grinned.

“So beg,” he murmured.

His lips ghosted over yours, teasing, taunting.

“Beg for them like you mean it.”

You weren’t breathing right.

Couldn’t.

Not with the way Yunho was looking at you, eyes dark, lips curved into that slow, mocking smirk.

Not with the way his hands were still hovering, still teasing, still refusing to give you what you needed.

And definitely not with the way he was making you say it.

Your fingers dug into his shirt, trembling as you swallowed back your pride—what was left of it, anyway.

“P-please,” you whispered, your voice barely more than a breath.

Yunho sighed.

Like he expected better.

Like he wasn’t impressed.

“Oh, baby,” he murmured, shaking his head slightly. “That’s not begging.”

His fingers traced your jaw, tilting your chin up just enough to make sure you were looking at him.

“That’s just asking nicely.”

You bit your lip, your cheeks burning, your entire body on fire.

But Yunho—

Yunho wasn’t moving.

His hands were still right there, still so close, but he wasn’t giving you anything.

And you were crumbling.

Your pride was slipping through your fingers like sand, and Yunho was just watching it happen.

And he loved it.

Your lips parted, your breath shaky. “Please,” you tried again, voice cracking. “Please, Yunho, I—I need you.”

Yunho hummed, his thumb stroking over your bottom lip.

“Getting better,” he mused.

Then—

He leaned in, his lips brushing your ear.

“But you can do more.”

Your body trembled.

Because you could.

And he knew it.

Yunho pulled back just enough to meet your gaze again, his eyes sharp, expecting.

His fingers flexed, his other hand still resting so lightly against your stomach, teasing, torturing.

And you—

You snapped.

“Please,” you whimpered, desperate, wrecked. “I need your hands on me, Yunho, please.”

Yunho groaned.

Deep, rough, like your words had gone straight to his cock.

His grip on your waist tightened, his fingers finally—finally—pressing firmly against your skin.

“Fuck,” he muttered, almost to himself. “That’s cute.”

And then—

He laughed.

Soft, dark, pleased.

“See?” he murmured, his thumb stroking slow circles over your skin. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

You whimpered.

Yunho’s smirk widened.

His other hand finally—finally—slid down, wrapping around your thigh, squeezing just enough to make you feel it.

“Good girl,” he whispered.

Then—

His fingers moved.

Yunho’s fingers moved.

Slow. Deliberate.

Spreading over your waist, pressing into your skin—just enough to make you feel him. Just enough to make your whole body tense, waiting, anticipating.

His lips brushed against your ear, his breath warm, teasing. “So sensitive,” he murmured, his fingers dragging lower. “Is this what happens when you spend all your time writing about me, baby?”

Your stomach flipped.

Because—

Yes.

It was.

And Yunho knew it.

His hand slid beneath the waistband of your jeans, fingers dipping lower—slow, unhurried, like he had all the time in the world to torture you.

And then—

His fingers brushed against your clothed cunt.

Your whole body jerked.

Yunho groaned.

“Oh, baby,” he muttered, his voice thick with amusement. “I barely touched you.”

His hand shifted, pressing just enough to make you squirm.

Your breath came out shaky, your thighs squeezing together instinctively—trying to find more, trying to chase anything.

But Yunho—

Yunho laughed.

"That desperate already?" His fingers flexed, teasing, his lips grazing the side of your neck. "You wrote so many dirty things about me, baby. So many things about my hands.”

His fingers dragged up, just enough to brush over your tits.

And you whimpered.

Loud.

Too loud.

Yunho grinned.

“Oh,” he sighed, mockingly sweet. “That’s cute.”

Then—

His fingers pressed down on your nipple, circle it above the fabric of your clothes teasingly.

Your whole body arched, your breath catching in your throat as his hand moved, slow, precise, like he knew exactly what would ruin you.

Your fingers clutched at his shoulders, nails digging in, your mind spinning.

And Yunho—

Yunho groaned.

“Fuck, baby,” he murmured, his voice rough, his hand moving in slow, teasing circles. “You’re already shaking?”

Your breath hitched, a broken whimper slipping free before you could stop it.

Yunho’s grip tightned.

His other hand came up, cupping your jaw, forcing you to look at him.

“Say it,” he muttered. “Say you need my hands.”

You gasped, your body trembling, your mind barely holding on.

“I—I need them,” you breathed, barely able to get the words out. “Please, Yunho, I—I need your hands on my—”

His fingers pressed harder.

Your words cut off into a choked gasp.

And Yunho—

Yunho just smirked.

“Good girl.”

Then—

Yunho’s fingers moved down under your jeans.

Slow.

Precise.

Like he knew exactly what would ruin you.

His eyes stayed locked on yours, watching, studying every little reaction—every shiver, every gasp, every time your lips parted like you wanted to say something, but couldn’t.

Because there were no words for this.

For the way his fingers pressed into your clit moving in slow, devastating circles.

For the way his grip on your jaw tightened, making sure you didn’t look away—making sure you had to see the smirk tugging at his lips.

“Oh, baby,” he murmured, his voice low, dark, mocking. “You’re already falling apart, aren’t you?”

Your whole body shook.

Because he was right.

You were barely holding on, barely keeping yourself together as his hand worked you over, torturing you with those slow, teasing strokes.

And Yunho—

Yunho was eating up every second of it.

“You’re so cute,” he muttered, his thumb brushing over your bottom lip. “Acting like you’re shy, but you wrote all those filthy little fantasies about me.”

His fingers pressed harder, his pace shifting just slightly—just enough to make your back arch, to make your grip on his shoulders tighten.

Yunho groaned.

His lips ghosted over your ear, his voice barely a whisper—

“Is this how you imagined it, baby?”

Your breath hitched.

Yunho smirked.

“Or is it better?”

His hand moved—faster, rougher, sending a sharp, electric rush through your entire body.

And you—

You broke.

A whimper tore from your lips, desperate, breathless, humiliatingly loud.

Yunho groaned, his fingers stilling for just a moment, his grip tightening as he watched you fall apart.

Then—

His lips brushed against yours.

Soft.

Barely there.

And he smirked.

“Oh, baby,” he murmured. “We’re not even close to done.”

His smirk widened, his thumb brushing over your lips, slow, teasing.

“You’re so cute,” he murmured, his voice thick with amusement. “You act so shy, but you’re already soaked for me.”

Your breath hitched.

Yunho grinned.

“Oh, baby,” he sighed, his fingers dragging down, teasing along the waistband of your jeans. “You’re so easy for me.”

Then—

His hands slid down, gripping your thighs, parting them effortlessly.

And then—

His fingers dipped lower, inserting his middle finger inside your aching hole.

You gasped.

Your whole body tensed, your fingers clutching at his arms as his hand moved, slow, precise, knowing.

Yunho groaned, his lips ghosting over your ear. “So desperate,” he murmured. “Is this what happens when you spend all your time writing about me, baby?”

You couldn’t breathe.

Your whole body was burning, shaking, completely at his mercy.

And Yunho—

Yunho was loving it.

His fingers pressed in, stretching you, filling you—so slow, so controlled, making sure you felt every single movement.

And you—

You whimpered.

Loud.

Too loud.

Yunho groaned.

“Fuck, baby,” he muttered, his grip on your thigh tightening. “You’re taking me so well.”

His fingers curled—just right—and your back arched, a sharp gasp tearing from your lips.

Yunho laughed.

“Oh, baby,” he sighed, his lips trailing down your neck. “We’re not even close to done.”

He moved.

Faster.

Deeper.

Yunho’s fingers were merciless.

Deep.

Precise.

Every stroke, every curl, perfectly calculated to ruin you.

And he knew it.

His other hand held your thigh open, firm, unyielding—making sure you couldn’t close your legs, couldn’t escape the way he was torturing you.

“Oh, baby,” he mumured, his voice low, dark. “You’re shaking.”

His thumb brushed slow, lazy circles over your clit, teasing, taunting.

And you—

You broke.

Your whole body tensed, your fingers digging into his arms, your breath catching in a sharp, broken gasp—

A choked moan tore from your lips, your whole body trembling, burning, as Yunho worked you through it—dragging it out, refusing to let up until you were completely, hopelessly wrecked.

His smirk deepened, his fingers slowing, teasing out every last twitch, every last whimper.

Then—

He pulled his hand away.

You barely had time to catch your breath, barely had time to process—

Before Yunho was shifting, gripping your thighs, dragging you closer.

His hands pressed against your hips, holding you down, keeping you exactly where he wanted you.

And then—

He looked up.

His eyes dark.

Hungry.

“Oh, baby,” he murmured, his breath ghosting over your skin. “You’re not done yet.”

Then—

His mouth moved.

A sharp gasp tore from your lips, your whole body jerking as his tongue slid slow, deliberate, tracing over your drenched pussy.

Your fingers clutched at the sheets, at his hair, anywhere, trying to ground yourself—trying to breathe.

But Yunho—

Yunho wasn’t letting you.

His tongue worked you over, slow, controlled, his hands gripping your thighs, keeping you still.

And when you tried to pull away—when the sensation got too much—

Yunho just groaned.

His grip tightened.

And then—

He sucked.

Your whole body snapped.

A broken cry ripped from your throat, your back arching, your hands desperately trying to find something—anything—to hold onto.

And Yunho—

Yunho just laughed.

Deep.

Dark.

Completely in control.

“Oh, baby,” he murmured against your skin. “You taste so fucking sweet.”

Then—

He kept going.

Yunho’s mouth was relentless.

Sucking.

Licking.

Fucking devouring you like he had no intention of stopping.

And he didn’t.

Your whole body shook, overstimulated, raw, your thighs trembling against his grip—but Yunho just pressed you down, keeping you spread open for him, making you take it.

“Y-Yunho—”

Your voice was wrecked, breathless, shaking.

He just groaned against your skin, the vibration shooting through you like an electric shock.

You jerked.

Tried to move, tried to escape—

But Yunho growled.

“Oh, baby,” he muttered, his voice dark, amused. “Where do you think you’re going?”

His tongue flicked over your clit, slow, teasing—making you flinch, making you gasp.

“You’re too sensitive, aren’t you?” His fingers dug into your thighs, keeping you exactly where he wanted you. “But you can take it.”

His mouth closed over your clit again.

And then—

He sucked.

Your whole body snapped.

A scream tore from your lips, your back arching, your hands flying to his hair—pulling, desperate, trying to stop him.

But Yunho just groaned.

“You taste too fucking good,” he muttered, voice muffled against your skin. “You think I’m stopping now?”

Your breath was ragged, your thighs shaking violently—but he was still eating you up, still licking, still sucking, still pushing you higher even though you were already gone.

And you—

You sobbed.

Overwhelmed.

Wrecked.

Completely ruined.

Yunho moaned, dragging it out, sending another sharp shockwave through your entire body.

Then—

He finally pulled away.

You could barely breathe, your whole body trembling, the aftershocks still rolling through you.

And Yunho—

Yunho just grinned.

His lips were swollen, shiny with your arousal, his eyes dark and ravenous.

“Oh, baby,” he murmured, dragging his fingers over your thighs, slow, teasing. “You’re fucking ruined already.”

Your chest heaved, your mind spinning—but before you could recover, Yunho was moving.

Shoving his jeans down.

Stroking himself, slow, deliberate, letting you see how fucking hard he was.

“Turn over,” he muttered, voice rough, demanding.

Your stomach flipped.

But your body obeyed.

Shaky, unsteady, completely at his mercy.

And Yunho—

Yunho groaned.

His hands gripped your hips, his thumbs pressing into your skin, holding you in place.

And then—

The blunt, thick head of his cock dragged against your pussy.

Your whole body tensed.

Yunho chuckled.

“Oh, baby,” he sighed, pressing just a little harder. “You’re still fucking shaking.”

Then—

He pushed in.

Slow.

Deep.

Fucking stretching you around him.

And you—

You moaned.

Loud.

Too loud.

And Yunho—

Yunho slammed in.

Deep.

Brutal.

Splitting you open, stretching you wide around his thick, aching cock, knocking the breath right out of your lungs.

And he groaned. “Fuck,” he gritted out, his grip on your hips bruising, keeping you still as he bottomed out, as he let you feel every inch of him.

“You’re so fucking tight, baby,” he muttered, his hands sliding up your back, pressing you down into the mattress.

“You’re squeezing me so fucking good.” Your breath was ragged, your whole body trembling, wrecked from how hard he was stretching you.

But Yunho—

Yunho wasn’t waiting.

He pulled out— Then snapped his hips forward, burying himself to the hilt again.

"Yunho!" You cry out.

The force of it sent another sharp shockwave through your whole body—too much, too good, too fucking deep.

And Yunho—

Yunho snickered.

“Oh, baby,” he sighed, rolling his hips just right, making your whole body jolt.

“You’re already crying?” His fingers dug into your hips, keeping you still as he set a pace—brutal, merciless, slamming into you with sharp, punishing thrusts that sent you reeling.

And the sounds— The filthy, wet smacks of skin against skin, the way your breath hitched with every deep, devastating thrust— It was too much.

Yunho groaned, one hand sliding up, gripping the back of your neck, forcing your face down into the sheets. “Take it, baby,” he muttered, his voice dark, wrecked, dripping with amusement.

“This is what you fucking wanted, isn’t it?” Your nails scratched at the sheets, your whole body shaking— Then— His other hand slid between your thighs. And his fingers— Found your clit.

Your whole body snapped.

A scream tore from your throat, your entire body convulsing, the pleasure so sharp, so fucking intense you thought you were going to black out.

And Yunho—

Yunho moaned. “Fucking hell, baby,” he muttered, his thrusts getting harder, faster, completely chasing his high.

“You’re squeezing me so fucking tight.” His fingers didn’t stop.

Even as you twitched, as your body shook from the overstimulation, as your thighs trembled, Yunho kept going. Kept pounding into you. Kept fucking ruining you.

And you—

You broke.

Again.

Tears slipped down your cheeks, your whole body wrecked, trembling, completely at his mercy.

And Yunho— Yunho groaned, his pace getting sloppy, his grip tightening.

“Oh, baby,” he muttered, voice wrecked, desperate.

“You feel too fucking good—” Then— He snapped his hips in deep, burying himself completely— And he came.

A low, guttural moan ripped from his throat, his grip bruising as he pulsed inside you, filling you up, spilling deep, marking you completely.

His breath was ragged, his hands sliding up your back, his body pressing against yours. And then— Silence.

Just the sound of both of you breathing, completely wrecked, completely spent.

Yunho chuckled.

Low.

Dark.

“Oh, baby,” he murmured, pressing a slow, lazy kiss against your shoulder.

“You’re fucking ruined.” His lips ghosted over your ear.

“I hope you know, this is just for the inspirations” he muttered, amusement dripping from his tone.

“and I’m not done with you yet.”

[hhughes]

𐔌 　 ⁺　 𝐀𝐆𝐄 𝐈𝐒 𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐀 𝐍𝐔𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑 𓂃۶ৎ

𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚 , after some comments were made by quinn's brothers, you get a little insecure in your relationship and he has to reassure you

𝒇𝒆𝒂𝒕. luke!bsf x quinn hughes. 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕. fluff. teasing. flirting. 𝒙𝒐 𝒄𝒂𝒎𝒊. I love writing quinn so much😭 this is a repost that’s slightly edited if it looks a little familiar to you. one of my favs things ive ever written to this day so thanks again to the anon who requested it! <333

you and quinn had been dating a few months now. sneaking around behind everyone's backs including luke. your best friend and quinn's youngest brother.

the four of you were sitting in the living room at the lake house, watching some movie. jack and luke were chirping quinn about some actress that he used to have a crush on. going on and on about how he had a thing for older women because he was such a mommas boy.

you laughed along at first, always finding it so endearing to watch the brothers bicker back and forth. even though you've been around to witness it for quite a few years now...it never got old. your smile quickly faded when jack started making comments about how all quinn's relationships with younger women has failed, and that he should go for someone older this time, cause it doesn't seem like the younger girls can handle him.

you know you shouldn't let these comments bother you. it wasn't that serious and it wasn't directed towards you, but it was one of your, if not the biggest insecurity you had when it came to your relationship with quinn. being four years younger than him. not being enough to keep him interested. these comments from two people who probably knew him the best, didn't do anything to reassure you.

"I'll be right back," you whisper, avoiding quinn's eyes as you make your way to the bathroom.

a few minutes later there's a soft knock on the door and quinn enters, when you answer, shutting the door behind him and coming over to where you're standing in front of the sink. he wraps his arms around you from behind, pulling you closer and kissing your shoulder softly.

"what's wrong sweetheart?" he asks you softly, brushing the hair out of your face as he holds you tight. the time he’s had to spent close to you but not allowed to touch you, having taken its toll on him.

"nothing," you mumble and he puts his hands on your hips, spinning you around to face him and pushing you against the counter.

"don't lie to me. I know you well enough to know everything's not okay and even if I didnt this pout is enough to tell me there's something wrong." quinn says, rubbing circles on your hip and tracing your lips with the thumb of his other hand.

"do you think I'm too young for you?" the words fly out before you can stop them and quinn sighs, knowing his brother's comments was the cause of this.

"age is just a number baby," quinn says teasingly, kissing your lips softly and you sigh.

"quinn I'm being serious," you retort, grabbing both of his hands and holding them in yours, the way they were caressing you becoming a little too distracting.

"so am I. I don't care if you're four years younger or four years older or if you were born the exact same day I was. It doesn't change the fact that you're perfect for me. you know how jack is, especially if he's been drinking, he can't keep his mouth shut. if there's an opportunity to chirp me about something, he’s gonna take it. if they knew that we were together, he would be more careful about making remarks like that. you know both of them adore you and would never say anything to hurt you on purpose" quinn says and you bite the inside of your cheek, knowing he was right.

“and besides, those relationships didn’t work out because they just weren’t the right girl for me baby. not because they were younger. they just weren’t you” he says softly, pressing yet another kiss to your collarbone.

"i’m not ready to tell luke yet." you say and quinn nods, expecting that response from you.

"the longer we wait, the worse it's gonna be." quinn replies and you look down, not wanting to argue about this. again.

quinn sighs softly before taking his hand out of yours and cupping your face between his palms, planting a soft kiss on your lips.

"god it's torture seeing you all day and not being able to touch you. kiss you." he says wrapping his arms around your waist and just hugging you for a few minutes. you smile a bit, thinking that this is exactly why he was nicknamed "huggy bear". your guy loves hugging.

"I'll sneak into your room tonight. if you think a young girl like me can handle you," you quip and quinn chuckles, knowing you're not gonna let that go for a while.

"I think you can handle me just fine baby" quinn smirks, slapping your ass as you walk past him, and out the door.

𝒙𝒐 𝒄𝒂𝒎𝒊. thank you for reading and feel free to drop by the inbox and share any and all thoughts <333

[narcjsistx]

𝐅𝐔𝐓𝐁𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐀 | OS

sae itoshi x fem reader ; words: 10k (10.051)

plot: having just arrived in spain, Sae notices that he's having trouble learning spanish. so he's advised to download an online game, but he never expected to play with the country's champion, who unexpectedly... is a girl?!. what if he has a crush on this girl who lives kilometres away from him?

𝐌𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ; take a look, trust me!

SAE ITOSHI knew he was a genius, whether it was sports or anything else besides school. He was Japan's rising prodigy, having just moved countries just to undergo training that would bring him to absolute perfection. If that meant he wasn't a genius, then he didn't know what was. He had skills that kids his age didn't have, whether it was dribbling or simply passing the ball to a teammate, who was usually his younger brother Rin. He had the potential to become one of the best in the world, if not the best, at the tender age of 13, when the kids at his old school were still just starting to decide what to do as an after school job. He knew he was a genius, a prodigy

What he knew all too well was that school and its activities were not for him. Not that he did not have the ability, but objectively he had spent more time on the field than in the classroom since he was a child. The time that technically should have been spent at school was spent perfecting his technique or competing in some tournament in his prefecture, and all of this was impacting his ability to learn something new academically, like a new language. He was no longer in Japan

Japan and Spain were different

Japanese and Spanish were different

And of course, inside a football school in the center of Spain, in Madrid, he couldn't bring himself to speak Japanese anymore. For the first few days he tried, but no one understood him; then he tried with English, but that didn't work very well either. Sooner or later he would have to learn Spanish, and that moment had come true exactly one week after his arrival, when the coach had advised him to attend the free course that the school offered to foreign soccer players

He hated it, but he had started talking a little

"Mi nombre es Sae, mi apellido es Itoshi... mi deporte favorido es el futbol, yo soy un jugador de futbol de el club de el ReAl..." the boy repeats under his breath, writing down in his notebook the sentences that his mind formulates. Spanish was not like Japanese, which was written in a completely different way. It was a bit complicated, but he would never admit it out loud. Furthermore, he was the only one in his class, besides his teacher. The other foreign players had left, at least he knew that, already knowing a basic level of the language. Not him

"Still having trouble, Sae?" asks the man, leaning over to read the boy's notebook. He didn't dislike the professor, but his subject "No" says the boy, even though he doesn't yet know how to write the word 'apellido'. The teacher looks at the notebook for a few more seconds, then sighs as he sits down in the chair next to the boy, who watches him. He knew very well that he was stressing the man with his mistakes, very often made also due to few attention. He didn't blame him when he was nervous precisely because of him "You know, Sae... I think you have a problem with Spanish. I mean, you can write it pretty well and you're starting to speak it a little bit with the team members, I know that... but you're constantly forgetting it. You're forgetting the basics because you don't have something that's constantly pushing you to speak or write it" says the man, and this catches the attention of the little striker "Excuse me, what?" says the boy, seeing the man having a bit of difficulty explaining it to him "I don't even know how to explain it to you well. I've been teaching foreign members of ReAl for years but no one has ever been like you. You know, but you forget. You can say a sentence in perfect Spanish now and not know a basic rule of grammar in twenty seconds" says the man, and this makes the Japanese kid turn up his nose a little "Do you have proof of that?" asks "Can you tell me the names of the soccer roles in Spanish?" the man asks, and Sae thinks about it "Portero, centrocampista, defensor... atacante" says the boy, and the man nods "Good. And the '!' rule? How does it work?" he asks, and this time it's Sae who sighs. He doesn't even remotely remember it

The man nods, taking the notebook from him as he writes something on it "The '!' should be placed at the beginning of the sentence and at the end of the sentence, if it is an exclamation. At the beginning '¡' and at the end '!'" he writes and repeats aloud, and Sae can't help but admit that he's right. The room where they are both is silent for a few seconds, then the man writes something else in the notebook, placing it in front of him. Sae looks down, reading the name of something he has heard before "Futbolandia?" he reads aloud, and the man nods "It's an online game. It's about soccer, so you should like it. You can talk to other Spanish people while you play, or write in the chat, in Spanish of course. My daughter plays it, that's why I know it" the man says, and Sae looks at him a little perplexed "I've never played video games, not even when I was in Japan. I find them boring" he explains, but the teacher silences him almost immediately "You'll learn to love them. You want to become the best in the world, right? If you can't even beat a boss in this game, how can you expect to get to the Champions League?"

And so, in his dorm which was basically a small apartment, Sae was putting the game card into the console he had received thanks to the team staff. He still thought video games were boring, but proving the teacher right would have cost his dearly young ego. So he had spent a part of his salary to take this game online, which actually cost really little. Thanks to the internet he understood that it was simply a game where you were a soccer player without a salary, and the more you beat people online in random matches the more the teams offered money to join their team. The teams were real ones, like ReAl or the Italian Ubers, or even teams created by users. The more you entered a famous and rich league the higher your salary went, and once you reached a certain amount of fake money you could create your own team or become president of a group of teams. The game wasn't that boring, maybe

Sitting on the edge of his bed with the joystick in his hand the television turns on, revealing the game's start screen. After registration, an avatar appears that can be customized, and Sae had decided to change only the color of his hair, opting for a reddish color. He was a little more like his avatar now. He had started "play" immediately after, happening in the first game: they were all members probably newly registered like him, since they had no visible salary. There was voice chat open, but for the moment he preferred to remain silent: he heard people screaming in Spanish, and he understood little of what they were saying as they played. It wasn't time to talk

Unexpectedly, the game was more interesting than he thought. It had basic rules, but the online casual games were fun enough to play. And so, from having a zero salary, a few hours later his avatar already had the possibility of joining a team, since the real and created ones had made him offers. However, he had not yet spoken in the voice chat, still a little perplexed. As he waited for the new game to load, Sae noticed that his avatar had been matched with a much higher level team. The team was called "Kombucha Salty", which made him chuckle a bit. As the match begins, Sae notices how the team is noticeably very strong, but he also notices how the voice chat is calm, not full of shouts like he has always heard it until now. And until now he has always heard only male voices. Now, among the many, a female one stands out, and it's quite pretty. He doesn't even know why, but the calm reassures him that he can open the voice chat this time

"Hola" says the boy, and for a few seconds everyone is silent "What player are you?" asks a male voice "The number 27" replies Sae, and he can hear more than one person nodding "You're great" says someone else "Thanks" replies the boy, but he's trying to hear the female voice again, which has suddenly disappeared since he spoke. The match continues, the team scores the first goal "That was a good pass, right Y/n?" asks a male voice "It was!" the female voice replies

Sae, hearing the voice, stops moving the joystick for a few seconds. He hears the girl giggling, while she continues to play her game. It's strange to hear her talking among the many male voices surrounding her and her avatar, but it's as if he can separate her just to hear her voice. It is a particularly beautiful voice to his ears, which could easily be that of some singer; it's almost melodious, even though he has always heard many female voices, whether it is his mother's or his classmate's. But this one, this one he likes more than he normally should like a single voice

"Are you still alive, madridfan?" the voice asks, and Sae comes to life, moving his joystick "What? How did you call me?" he asks, and the female giggles "With your username. You have to earn a certain amount of salary to change it to a personalized one" she says, and her avatar passes the ball "I thought I had it set up differently. But then, why madridfan?" he asks, a little perplexed as he tries to steal the ball "The site creates the usernames by taking the position where the users play and putting the word 'fan' next to it. Are you from Madrid?" he asks, and Sae nods "I'm in Madrid at the moment" he replies, and the girl nods "Madrid is beautiful. My mother often sends me photos of the city, she lives there" the girl says, and Sae is intrigued "Aren't you from Madrid too?" he asks "No. I lived there for a little while when I was little, but I don't remember anything" the girl says, and her avatar freezes for a few seconds, then starts moving against the ball again "Do you like Madrid?" she asks, and he huffs a bit "Quite. I haven't visited it properly yet" he admits, stealing the ball as his avatar starts running, followed by the girl's "I thought you were born there. But you actually have a foreign accent. You speak good Spanish, though. You even know how to play this damn game" she replies, and he nods "Thanks. I'm Japanese, actually" he says, the ball approaching the net "Are you in Spain for a vacation?" she asks, stealing the ball "Sort of" he admits, and the girl giggles "Cool"

The game goes on in silence, proving quite difficult for both. Sae often tries to signal goals, but each time the girl's avatar steals the ball from him, passing it to another player. It's not stupid that she has such a high salary, after all she is really good. Also, the strange thing for him is that she is a woman: not that he has any prejudice, or maybe he does, but he has never seen soccer or online games about soccer as something for girls. The girls in his school preferred classic dance, instead of soccer. He has always been used to this, furthermore his prefecture did not have a women's soccer team. They were two opposite things for him, soccer and women

But this Y/n was damn strong at this game

The ball, in a last ditch attempt, is passed to a member of the team, who however has it stolen by a member of the girl's team, who immediately passes it to her. Her avatar runs so fast that it is impossible to catch up, while the ball quickly approaches the net, scoring a goal. The boys' voices explode in a satisfied scream while Sae, annoyed, puts the joystick down next to him. It was a pretty tough match, but he wanted to win, a bit like in everything he does. But when he hears the girl's carefree laughter, his annoyance vanishes a bit. The end of game appears on the screen, marking the last 5 seconds before voice chat closes. Sae doesn't know what to say, he was so fascinated by the girl's voice that he is surprised that now he has to abandon her, with the absolute certainty of not being able to hear her anymore. After all, these are random matches, there is little or no chance of ending up in a match a second time. It all started and ended in less than 15 minutes, that perhaps marked him a bit

He didn't even know why he was reacting this way, so out of character. Maybe it was the lack of home that made him react this way. Maybe the voice sounded a little like his mother's or Rin's, that's why he was so surprised. After all, he had left Japan relatively recently. Maybe this really was the cause, even if he didn't believe it was

The game officially closes voice chat, displaying Sae's profile screen, complete with his avatar and a slight increase in his salary. The girl is officially gone, her voice no longer filling his dorm room. Sae feels a strange sensation in his chest, he can't explain how and it bothers him; he's never been good with words, he knows that, but why can't he explain to himself this sudden attachment to such a trivial thing, a voice?. It's as if, since he arrived here, these 15 minutes were the most peaceful he's ever lived. He would never admit it, but his life is so complicated now that he often doesn't even have time to think. It's different from being at home in Japan, with Rin scoring goals thanks to his passes and the crowd cheering every time the ball ends up in the net. Here he has even more precise timetables than he already had in Japan, and although he got used to them right away, sometimes he finds it tiring to do everything, whether it's training or just spending time in the cafeteria with his teammates. This voice, on the other hand, seemed to have calmed him down, letting him think and breathe. It's so strange

So, while he picks up the joystick again, he decides to at least look at the girl's profile. He goes to the section of users he has recently interacted with, and clicks on the icon that resembles that of the girl's profile: what is shown before his eyes is practically the perfect account, probably one with such high ratings that he has never seen anywhere else. The account features all kinds of things available from the game, be it uniforms or special badges, while above the girl's avatar appears a writing that surprises Sae even more "#1 Official of Spain", title inserted by the game itself. He expected her to be strong, he had seen her playing, but not that strong. Yet, the title stood out on the account tab, which made Sae even more curious about the girl

On her profile she was listed as the president of the largest group of teams in Spain, president of 15 of the 25 in the league. Her salary had 10 zeros, making the number even difficult to pronounce. She was listed as having been in charge of the title for more than 6 months, while the registration had only taken place 10 months before. If this wasn't strange or surprising, Sae didn't know what was. How could she have come up with such a title in such a short time? How much time did she actually spend on the video game? Was she one of those unemployed adult women who found satisfaction in online games?

Nah, she couldn't have been an adult. Her voice was too shrill for that, maybe she was even younger than him. But this was impossible, since the minimum age of the game was 13, so maybe she was a little older than him. This did not change how surprising the result was, so surprising that Sae didn't immediately notice the notification at the side of the screen

"Kombucha Salty" offered you a new salary"

Without even seeing the offer, Sae had clicked accept. He didn't even know why he was doing that, after all, what were the chances that it was that girl who sent him the offer? Besides, only presidents were allowed to send offers, and he wasn't sure if she was the president of that team

The console screen showed the page dedicated to the team he had just joined, marking which members were active and which were not. The team's personal voice chat was open, but did not show who was in. Honestly, he didn't really care about making a fool of himself if he went in and out once he was sure she wasn't in the voice chat, he just cared about hearing her voice again and knowing she was there. Maybe he was exaggerating, after all he didn't know anything about her and the team, but there was something in him that told him he had to check, and now

Entering the chat, Sae noticed that no one was talking about soccer, but more about very random things, like school. There were about 5 or 6 people online, but he immediately recognized the girl, who was probably talking to a friend of hers. As soon as he entered many fell silent, everyone but her "You again, madridfan?" the girl asks, but not in a mean tone, more in a joking way. Sae nods, a little uncertain "Me again. Someone offered me entry to the club" the boy says "It was me" the girl says, and Sae can swear that for the first time since he's been here in Spain, he feels a small smile form on his lips. Luckily it's all online, it would have been embarrassing to see him smile "Oh. Thank you"

The girl giggles, a sound that makes the boy's muscles relax a bit "You were pretty strong in the game, I must admit! We only want strong members here, members who hate Kombucha"

This is the comment that makes Sae frown. He loves Kombucha, it's practically his favorite thing in the world. Especially the salty one, it's delicious

"The club name is misleading. I thought you liked Kombucha... not that I do" he says, and she nods "I know. That's why the group is strong, because we create confusion!" she says happily, and some of the men laugh with her. It's not exactly the answer he was expecting, he didn't even expect to lie about his tastes, but at the moment doing so seems like the right option. Sae nods, thinking a bit "I see. Cool" he says, and the girl seems a little uncertain "Don't tell me you like Kombucha" she says, and he shakes his head as if she can see it "No" he says, and she snorts "You're not telling me the truth!" he says, and Sae is a little in trouble "What would be the consequences?" he asks, and he hears her giggle "The enormous wrath of the champion of Spain" she says, and this makes him relax a little "I can't imagine how big it's. Bigger than the whole Japan" he says, and she laughs even louder "Of course! Wait, which is bigger, Japan or Spain?" she asks, and this makes the boy think a little, confused "I think Spain?"

In that moment, Sae hears his phone ring. He turns around, noticing the time on the screen: he should have been at practice for 5 minutes already, yet he is still sitting on his bed, and the coach is calling him. Before he even has a chance to hear the girl respond, he disconnects the voice chat, grabbing his phone and his workout bag, and storming out of his apartment. He was never late, he was always punctual, and yet that simple girl had made him lose track of time. He hated being late, but now he hated not being able to hear the girl's voice even more. It was strange, all

So, during the 4 consecutive hours of training, Sae did nothing but think about this strange situation. While kicking the ball he thought about how the girl could be physically and character wise, and he didn't know why but he imagined her with short black hair. She was probably a little older than him, maybe 15, but he wasn't sure. He just knew he wanted to talk to her one more time, and then another, and another. She had completely changed the cold and weird nature of the boy, who maubey was looking for a minimum of affection and compliments, the ones he was used to at home in Japan, from someone. And that someone seemed to be her, suddenly

Back in his apartment, hours later, he remembered that he had left the console with the game on. He had been running, so it remained as he had left it. It wasn't that strange after all, but as he approached the screen he noticed how there was a +1 on the private chat, something he had never used. It could have been anyone, right?

"I checked, and Spain is bigger"

The bag hit the floor as he reached for the joystick, typing the letters as quickly as possible

"I expected that. Although I think there is little difference between the two countries. Maybe Japan has more inhabitants"

"I don't think so"

She was also quick to respond to his messages

"I should be worried about having... wait, your name is Y/n, right?"

"Yeah! Can I know yours? Maybe you heard mine from other members of the voice chat"

"My name is Sae. Yes, I heard it from other members. I hope it doesn't bother you"

"Why should it bother me? I'm chiller than you think"

"I see. I expected more aggression from the country's champion"

"Only with those who don't cooperate with me during the random games. Usually I don't even bother talking, I just laugh"

"Cool"

"Do you only know how to use cool at your age?"

"You don't even know how old I am"

"I think about 15. Maybe less"

"I have 13, actually"

"ARE YOU SERIOUSLY THE SAME AGE AS ME???"

"are you 13 too?"

"YEAH!!!"

"I thought you were a few years older than me, honestly. But your high pitched voice gave my theory away"

"Is it really that high pitched? I thought you were older just because of your tone of voice, but maybe it's just the Japanese accent that makes it deeper than it really is"

"It could. Do you understand Japanese?"

"You're the first Japanese person I know, honestly. I've never left Spain and I speak English well... but that's it"

"It's not a small thing to know two languages. I know Japanese because well, I am, but my Spanish is not that good. For now"

"I think the opposite, honestly! You have really good pronunciation, maybe just a little bit in the grammar when you speak... but it doesn't really show that much"

"I have to improve. I have little time to do it"

"Before returning to Japan?"

"More or less"

"I can help you. If you have time, we can play a few games together before I go to sleep. Only if you teach me a little about Japan, though"

"Yes, it can be done. Which server?"

"Wait, I'll send you the link"

This girl was strange, but strangely so easy to get along with. Bedtime games had turned into all night gaming sessions, something Sae had never done; he held his nightly routine sacred, yet it was 2:00 AM and he was still talking to this girl on voice chat, playing yet another game. He wasn't tired, he liked listening to her talk and helping him with his pronunciation. Also, he had the chance to speak Japanese again after a long time, so it was fine with him. The conversations were calm, not going on any serious topic, at least not for that moment: the girl had told him about another girl in her school that she couldn't stand, and he had told him about his younger brother Rin, who he teased about his chubby cheeks. They were normal things, as teenagers as they both were, and yet they sounded so important to Sae's ears, that he didn't miss a single word that came out of the girl's mouth. Maybe he reacted like this, with so much attention, because he actually had no one to talk to about the normal things of adolescence, neither here nor at home

At home in Japan, he was the budding striker prodigy, already famous for his nascent career

Here in Spain the other teenagers like him were busy training for the team of ReAl

Everyone, both at home and here, treated him for what he was, a prodigy. No one treated him for what he really was but which he also hid a little because of his cold nature, that is, a simple teen

Yet this girl didn't know who Sae was, she didn't know anything about him. She didn't treat him differently. They were just chatting like two teenagers would, with an unusual, at least for him, tranquility. It wasn't a given, not at all

"I think I have to go to sleep. We can play tomorrow afternoon, if you want" says the girl after yet another match won, while Sae has tired and sleepy eyes "I don't know if I'm free. In the evening?" he asks, and she nods while her avatar goes offline "Okay. Goodnight, Sae"

The boy turned off the console, while he too was hugging the warm blankets, with the noise of the cars of Madrid in the background. He had recently downloaded that game and yet he was already thinking that it had been one of the best decisions of his life. He would think about the tiredness due to the lack of hours of sleep when he woke up

The next morning, while he was lazily getting ready for practice, he turned on the console just out of curiosity. Not for any reason in particular... maybe. Or at least he liked to believe so. And just as he was logging into the game, a notification appeared on the screen. It came from her

"You didn't specify whether you go to school or not, but if so, have a good day!"

"Thank you. You too"

And so, for the next two weeks after that night, Sae found himself spending every night locked in his dorm, voice chat on and a few drops of eye drops. He had started skipping gym before going to sleep, or rushing to dinner at the canteen, just to turn on the console before. He always played with her, both as a duo and as a team, but honestly he didn't care much about the mode, he just liked hearing her voice and hearing her laugh every time a move went wrong. She treated him like he was normal, while outside that room everyone was scrutinizing him every second of his life; it was a way to break away from the expectations of an entire nation, or maybe two, to be with her. Maybe he was getting soft, he who for 13 years of his life had categorically hated video games, all because of a single voice to which he didn't even give a face, given that in fact neither of them had ever spoken about themselves in an extremely personal way. Not that it weighed on him that much, but he was extremely curious to see who this voice belonged to, which he was starting to dream about even at night, in the few hours when the console was off

“Can I ask you something?” the girl asks, and Sae pauses the game “Tell me” he says, a little curious “Would it be weird if I asked for your phone number? We could just talk... more, if you want"

If this was the god of soccer who was pardoning him after years of pure sacrifice towards this sport, Sae had to thank him, really deeply

"It's not a problem. I'll write it to you in chat" says the boy, but he can't repress the little smile that has formed on his lips, which haven't curved like this for a while now. A small, chuckle can be heard from the voice chat, and Sae couldn't ask for more. What the hell was happening to him?

A few hours later, with his console off and one more contact on his phone, Sae was lying on his bed talking to the girl. He still had to read the messages his parents and his brother Rin had sent him, but he had promised himself that he would do it shortly before falling asleep. Talking to her through messages wasn't that different in the end, but deep down he liked the fact that it was their chat, and that no one else but the two of them had the chance to see what they were talking about. Not that they were serious topics, no, not that yet, it was already a miracle that she had given him her number, honestly if he had been in the same situation he wouldn't have trusted it online. But she was her, he didn't know her very well yet but she didn't seem like a bad person to him. He had never trusted the online world so much, in Japan it was often a place for perverts or anime fanatics, which disgusted him a little, not for the fact itself but for the way these weirdos behaved. It was a bit of a strange place, and even if he wanted to he didn't have time, at home, to be online: if in Japan there were many training sessions, here they had tripled

"Anyway. Do you have any other friends online?"

"You're the first. I've never been online, actually. I didn't have the time or the inclination, honestly"

"This is not cool. I practically live online! jk, but I spend a lot of time there. So I'm your first friend?"

"If you want to put it that way, yes"

"This is cool tho! Wait, so you don't know much about friendship stages, right?"

"Not very much. Zero"

"OH. so you don't know about face reveals or voice reveals...? we skipped the voice stage, but okay. it's normal"

"I don't know anything about it"

"Then, wait"

Before he realized it a picture of a girl appeared on his screen. It was her, it was definitely her. And hell, to say she was beautiful was an understatement, he hadn't expected that. I mean, she was pretty, sure, but this was beyond his standards. She had done it so unexpectedly that he remained staring at her for a few seconds, practically enchanted. He had seen many girls his age but perhaps now the spanish girls, especially her, had an extra place on his list. He noticed the second message after at least a minute

"This is me. It's a face reveal. You don't have to do it, just do it when you feel ready!"

And before he even knew it, he was already sending a photo of himself, one from a few days earlier. Not that there was much difference

"It's okay?"

"MORE THAN OKAY. I imagined you with dark hair, but you're cute, Sae!"

He had received many compliments, but all about his talent, about his ability to play without appearing tired. Never about his physical appearance, it wasn't common

"My brother and my father have dark hair. I could have taken after them"

"Wait, no! I like your reddish. it's special. now I understand why you put your hair that way, on your avatar"

"You are right"

It was from that moment that Sae began to realize that he had a soft spot for that girl. Y/n was simple, she didn't know who he really was, she treated him like no one else treated him. He liked being thought of as normal, at least in his room, when he was on a call with the girl. He could easily be the prodigy of Japan outside his dorm and still be Y/n's online friend. He liked the balance that had transformed during the first weeks, which had now transformed into three months. It was a bit of a special time for Sae, soon he would have his first U-18 match as a member of ReAl. He wasn't anxious, he trusted in his knowledge, but he was worried about something else, something that seemed huge to him, like a big heavy rock: he didn't know if she followed soccer. In fact, she had never said anything very personal about herself, maybe she was reserved in that aspect. Not that he cared. But it was strange, considering how extroverted she was about the rest of things. What would he have done if, by chance, she had seen him?

"Shall we play tomorrow afternoon?" the girl asks, her microphone not receiving the signal well. He has the match tomorrow afternoon, and he's worried about her finding out, not about the match "I... I don't think I can. No, I'm not there" he says, scratching the back of his neck "You usually can! You have something important, you have to meet a girl?" she says jokingly, but he immediately approaches the microphone "NO. I just have to... do some things. I probably won't be there until the afternoon after" he says, but he hears a jolt from the other end "I understand. See you then"

The girl left the game. Silence

Perhaps a more convincing and kind excuse should have been used, since he hadn't explained himself well and perhaps even seemed rude

Maybe Y/n was angry?

Holy shit.

And so, a few hours later on the ReAl bus, Sae felt practically dead. Maybe Y/n had been offended, and besides, tomorrow would be his birthday; he wanted her wishes, yet he was convinced that he would not receive them. He was worried, but he didn't show it outwardly. Not that he had ever done so in the last 13 years of his life, but that wasn't the point. Maybe he should have written to her, asked her if she was offended or even apologized directly. But that wasn't his style. So Sae played the whole match with a little discomfort in his chest, not so big as to confuse him from the main objective, the victory, which happened with a good score of 3-1, with a goal scored by him. The cameras had been filming him since he'd practically entered the field, his name had been shouted so many times by the commentators that the walls probably knew his name by now. If this was a way for Y/n to find out, even though he still hoped not, he was doing it perfectly. Damn. He was hating soccer a little bit

He didn't get his phone back until after midnight, only realizing it was his birthday. He was officially 14, and Y/n hadn't wished him a happy birthday...

"When were you thinking of telling me you were a soccer player? A good one, I must admit"

"You found out"

"Well, my sister is a ReAl fan. The game was also important. When I saw you, I had a shock"

"I can understand it"

"Why didn't you tell me you were famous?"

Maybe it wasn't the right time. But he had to

"You're the only one who treats me like a teenager. Others treat me like a prodigy, you don't. And it's nice to be normal, at least when I talk to you or when we play. I thought you'd change your attitude if you found out"

"I wouldn't have any reason to, Sae. None. I treat you for who you are, for how you deserve to be treated, I'm sorry that it's not a given for you. But you don't have to worry about me, because for me you're just Sae, not Sae Itoshi"

"It's not a given for me. Thank you"

"Please don't lie to me anymore. I hate it when people do that, especially people I care about them so much"

It was strange to feel butterflies in his stomach. For him, at least, it was strange. He didn't even know why he was reacting that way

"And I forgot, happy birthday ♡"

Maybe he knew why she was reacting that way. Maybe he didn't just have a soft spot for her

If the first months were like that, the following ones became the confirmation, at least for him, that perhaps he felt love for her, just for her: he was sure it wasn't even a crush, because he knew it was different. He was really in love, and it worried him a little. He knew about the beautiful side of love, the one where you kiss and hug; his parents loved each other, and often when they kissed he and Rin were disgusted. Sae preferred to run on the beach near the house with a ball between his feet, not to give kisses to anyone, not that he had anyone. But that was in the past, before he came to Spain and met her. The problem was that he didn't even know what love was, since he had never experienced it before: he knew the practice, but after? What happened?. But the problem was that there wasn't even the possibility of practice here, since he was in Madrid and she was in Seville, so many kilometers away

During the other months, she had told him a lot about herself: she lived in Seville, her parents were divorced but still on good terms, her parents worked between Madrid and Seville, especially his mother who was a photographer. She lived with his older sister, who was 21 years old. She was a few months younger than him and loved to keep her hair loose. Also, despite being the champion of the game, she didn't even know how to kick a ball in real life. It was all information that he had recovered over time, thanks to calls and other, but which was important to him, very important

They were separated by 530km, a distance that more than once he had thought of eliminating by using a part of his salary, taking that damned plane ticket that he had saved a few months ago. He wanted to see her, smell her hair, have the chance to hug her. He simply wanted to be for a while by her side, and not on the other side of a screen that often didn't work due to the connection. He simply wanted the chance to hold her hand, if she had ever let him

"I don't think I've ever told you something" the girl says, the screen showing her face as she paints her nails "Remember Kombucha Salty?" she asks, and Sae nods as she heads toward the team's infield "Remember what I told you back then?" she asks, and he rolls his eyes "That was 2 years ago. I don't remember that well" the boy says, and the girl laughs "Okay, we've known each other for a long time, but it seems like a stretch not to remember. Is the color nice?" the girl asks, holding up her reddish nails to the screen. Sae looks at them, nodding "Nice. What were you saying?" he says, and she composes herself "Oh, right. I told you I didn't like kombucha, because I hated it" she says, and Sae suddenly remembers. Actually, she doesn't know that it's his favorite drink, he never told her before that statement "I remember" he says, coming into the infield "Well... I lied to you. I really like kombucha, especially the salty kind! But... I wanted to look cool in front of you, I don't even know why. It's stupid, I was stupid at the time. But now I think about it and I actually never admitted it to you" she says, and Sae's eyes widen a bit "Do you like Kombucha?" he asks surprised, then goes back to his usual demeanor "I like it, I like it a lot. Too bad that here in Seville they make it disgusting, it tastes like shit" she says, and he chuckles internally at her comment "Can I tell you a revelation too?" he asks, and she nods "I love Kombucha too" he says, and this time she's the one who's surprised "ARE YOU SERIOUS?" she asks through the phone, and he nods "Very serious. They make it pretty good in Madrid, I must admit" he says "Fucking lucky, as usual. I want it too" she says, disconsolate

Seeing her like this, Sae can't help but tease her in her head. She's so damn adorable when she does that, whether it's for this or anything else

"As soon as you come to Madrid I'll take you to the place where they do it best. So you can say I'm right he says, but his comment almost seems like an invitation to a possible date. Sae notices how the girl has gone silent, but also the way she's smiling through the screen "I would love to" she says, poorly hiding her embarrassment

If only she knew how much he really wants to do this, take her everywhere, where she wants. If only she knew how much teasing her makes him laugh

"You know, I was thinking" he says, trying to fill the silence that had arisen "I was wondering, we'll see each other sometime, right?" he asks "Well. I think so" she says, yet looking a little uncertain, in Sae's eyes "You think so? Not sure?" he asks, and she snorts "I mean, it will happen sooner or later. But... I can't explain it to you. We've known each other for two years and I trust you, but it would be strange to meet you in person" she says, and this raises an eyebrow to the boy "What do you mean?" he asks, a little defensively "I'm used to the idea of you online, or rather, of the Sae I know. Not the one who plays for ReAl and who kicks the ass of some foreign team every month" she says, and even though her answer makes him chuckle a little, he's not convinced "You didn't answer my question" he says, and the girl seems to be a little under pressure "Forget it" she says, but this makes Sae a little nervous "I'd rather talk about it, and now. Don't you want to see me?" he asks

He doesn't even know why he's getting so nervous, since it's not something he does that often. But the uncertainty in Y/n's eyes doesn't affect him very well. Maybe there's something wrong that he doesn't know about

The girl looks down, nervously playing with a lock of her hair. It's like she's nervous like him, but for other reasons "I want to see you, Sae. But there are other reasons..." she says "What?" he asks

"I don't know whether to hug or kiss you"

If he had been nervous before, now his body was paralyzed. He didn't even want to understand if he had heard the words correctly, perhaps they had come out strangely due to connection problems. But no, it couldn't be. She had said what she had said, and damn, this surprised him so much that for the next 10 seconds he held his breath, as if he were underwater. But actually, since he had known her, he had always been under water: it bothered him to admit that he had grown fond of her in a few hours, that they had now known each other for 2 years, and that for the past 1 year he had considered her as more than just a friend. But Sae wasn't familiar with love, he didn't know how it worked with a person by his side, and above all she wasn't by his side. But actually, at the beginning, he wasn't even familiar with Spanish, which he now spoke perfectly. Could he do the same method with this too, even though she was so far away from him?

And then, after this, he didn't even know what she really thought. He had imagined it many times, but he had always preferred not to talk about it. He had often wondered if he even liked her a little, but she often mixed irony with seriousness, so it was difficult to understand her. Sometimes he succeeded, sometimes he didn't. It was in one of these moments, a fairly important one

"Sorry, what?"

"I'm sorry" she says, a little panicked, bringing the phone closer to her face "Forget it. Pretend that I never said anything, that this conversation never started-" she says "Stop. We can talk about it tonight, calmly ?" he asks. He sees her sigh heavily, a little defeated, as she nods. The phone call ends like this, with her hanging up

The training he was participating in wasn't working. There were another 4 hours left before he could talk to her, lock himself in his dorm and finally clarify the situation: would he have declared himself? He didn't know, although he was considering the option. He knew Y/n, and beyond her usual irony, she really seemed very serious when she said it, and the subsequent panic had betrayed her false irony a bit. He didn't know how to feel, honestly: anxious, maybe a little, but more perplexed. He wasn't afraid to declare himself, he would have done it sooner or later anyway, but the sentence she had said, in that unexpected way, had completely paralyzed him. He had been perpetually anxious for months and months about making strange comments that might have made him disgusting in her eyes and she had come out like that?. Maybe he really didn't know her that well, if he hadn't read her language for so long to understand that, maybe, she had feelings for him too, like him

But if he had eventually declared himself, what would have happened? Would they get together like a couple? Would she have rejected him?

And if they became a couple, how would they make it work? There were the kilometers as obstacles, like the walls that Sae smashed, in his head, when he headed towards the net to score a goal. Would it have been an online relationship?

He was too serious a person to even be anxious about this. He was fucking Sae Itoshi, yet he was becoming a softie for a girl he met online

Maybe he had always been a softie and never realized it, ignoring it by playing soccer in Japan

So finally, without having had dinner, Sae found herself locking himself in his room, once again skipping his nightly gym time. It was anxiety, she hadn't written to him since she hung up and that was unusual, as she often texted him even when she knew he couldn't reply. Without even taking off his sweatshirt he threw himself on his bed for calling the girl, who he sincerely hoped would answer. He didn't know what was going on in her head, maybe she didn't want to talk about it

"Hey" says the girl's voice. She was lying on her bed, little plushies surrounding her while her hair was a mess. She was gorgeous. Sae clears his throat "Hey. Have you eaten?" he asks, and she nods, sighing "Look, can we talk about it right now? I've been dying of anxiety since it happened this afternoon, I've spent hours believing you hated me... wait, you don't hate me, right?" she says, sounding almost sad. He chuckles, mollified by her behavior "Obviously not. If I hated you, I wouldn't have called you back to talk about it" he replies, and she seems to breathe a sigh of relief "Thank goodness. So... what should we say?"

Admitting right away that he had loved her for so long was maybe not the right option, at least not at the moment. Even if he was tempted to do so

"You said something pretty important today" he says, a little hard to explain "It's not something you'd say to a friend, I think. You were serious or?" he continues, waiting for an answer. Through the screen he sees her in a bit of difficulty, biting her nails "Would it be a problem if I said I was serious?" she says, and he can practically feel his heart beating so hard it might pop out of his ribcage "Oh" he says, but curses himself when he sees her getting agitated "Is that a problem?" she asks nervously, but he shakes his head "No. It wouldn't be. Sorry, you took me by surprise" he says, trying to find the right words "What does that mean though...? Is that what I think?"

She didn't know the answer. Sae saw real, pure difficulty in her eyes, as if she had a block she wanted to overcome but it was too big for her

"Look. Can I speak first?" he says, trying to help her. She nods, frowning her eyebrows "Go"

Maybe it really was the right time

"I'll try to be as direct as possible, you also know how much I don't like not being precise. It's quite simple to explain it to you, but I admit that I'm having trouble too... the reality is that I like you, and quite a lot. And it's not something new, I think I've been in love for a year and a half now if not more... the truth is this. I didn't tell you before for the simple fear of distancing you, and distancing the only person who treats me like 'Sae' and not 'Sae Itoshi' might have made things a little heavier for me. I don't know exactly how you feel, but well, if you feel the same way about me I would seriously like to be your boyfriend, Y/n. Not just yours friend. But I can't read your mind, so, how do you feel about me?"

If this was the feeling of lifting a heavy boulder off your shoulders, Sae was experiencing it right now. It had taken so little, yet it had explained everything he had felt all this time. He was more peaceful, but he had yet to hear her words

"It's just that I like you too, Sae. And a lot. A big lot, I don't even know how to quantify it. I've been thinking about it for a while, and I won't deny that once I even dreamed of us kissing... maybe that's when I realized that you weren't just a simple crush. The problem is that distance scares me"

His heart was abandoning him. Maybe he was dying, but at least from happiness

“I can understand that. But I... I want to make things work. I seriously care about you, about us, about what could happen if we were a couple"

"Me too. But... how do we do it?"

“Let the time take effect and my wallet get some money out to make me come to you?”

"That might work. But..."

"I'm just as scared as you are. But I trust how I could make you happy"

That's when Sae knew he finally had his first girlfriend. Maybe he was dead and didn't realize it, but he was happy, fucking happy. He was probably so happy that in his life he had never felt a sensation like that, the one that perhaps his parents also feel when they kiss. He was with the girl he loved and he honestly couldn't ask for anything better than to have her in his arms. He really cared about her so much, he didn't want to make things difficult or burdensome for her: he seriously wanted to make her happy, the happiest

He was inexperienced, for the first time in his life he seriously didn't know what to do, many times he had doubts about how being in a relationship actually worked; but he saw you smiling, so maybe he was doing something right. You spent more time on the call, each on your own business, but you both liked the idea of having the other watching you. It was as if you were in the same room, but chilometres apart: he cooked, you did your skincare, he trained alone and you studied. Distant, but present, and you were fine with that

After less than a month, the girl was the first to say 'I love you', even though they both knew they had been doing it for a long time. But that was just absolute proof that Sae had to do what he had in mind since day one: go to her. The problem is that she was studying and he couldn't go so far from Madrid, due to special training and monthly matches. Furthermore, the campus was very strict with the players, who only rarely let them out on off days. And Sae was certainly no exception, he had the same rules as everyone

But the opportunity presented itself when they had already been together for two months: Y/n was going to be in Madrid for a week, to spend time with her parents. Sae nearly choked on his dinner food when she told him the news: they would meet, he would finally have the chance to hold her in his arms, and if she wanted, he would even kiss her. Sae's family didn't know he was with a girl, while she had mentioned that only her father knew, because he was the parent she trusted slightly more in matters like these, but he honestly didn't care. If her father would have asked him to show up, he would have done so. He didn't want to tell his family or the world because he simply believed it wasn't the time, not because he was ashamed of her: he simply believed it was his thing, his only thought, he was famous, but he also had a private life. He wanted to enjoy his privacy with his pretty girlfriend

"Are you already in Madrid?"

"Yes! the taxi is taking me to where my father works, I will stay there for about an hour and then after I will arrive to you"

"Allright. I can't believe it"

"ME NEITHER!! are we really going to see each other in an hour after spending almost 3 years writing to each other online? :<"

"It's happening. I can't wait"

"I can hug you as soon as I see you, right?"

"Only if I can kiss you afterwards"

"Acceptable. CAN'T WAITTT"

"Me neither. See you soon, love"

"You can count on it! love u ♡"

But Sae had decided that he would show up there well in advance; he wanted to get her some flowers and maybe a cold drink, since it was damn hot. As he left his dormitory and walked across the ReAl campus, the boy was realizing how it was so unexpected and yet so beautiful. He knew he loved her, that he wanted to make her happy, to simply stay by her side until the moment he could no longer due to greater forces, such as death. To him, she had become everything in such a short time that he wondered how he had managed to keep his feelings private for so long: he had deprived himself of the love of the most fantastic girl in the world out of a stupid fear, yet now they were an actual couple, she was his girlfriend and he was her boyfriend, the first for both, and hopefully the last. But to put a ring on her finger maybe he would have to wait a few more years, maybe 10, even though he was still convinced that she was the one

As he walked towards the exit of the campus, he noticed how the teacher who had made him download Futbolandia was walking towards the class he still managed for foreign students: Sae hadn't attended that class for a long time now, he now knew Spanish as like his native language, yet it was thanks to that man that he had met the one who was currently his girlfriend. He had never been someone to say thank you to someone, but maybe he had to this time. He absolutely had to

"Profe, I have to tell you-" says the boy as he approaches, but is petrified when he sees who is a few steps away from the teacher “Y/n, my daughter. How was the flight, dear?"

In front of him, less than 5 meters away, was his girlfriend, there was his Y/n, and, if he understood correctly, she was his teacher's daughter

Sae didn't need to say anything, the girl automatically turned around recognizing the sound of the voice. They looked at each other, this time without a screen dividing them; they could see their reflection in each other's eyes, smell their scent, the way they were dressed entirely. The boy's heart had left his chest, perhaps to go and take the girl's hand, who had also abandoned her body. It was as if, although surprised by the discovery, for him now only she existed, only and exclusively her among all the billions of people in the world. He was in love, he really was

"Sae, what are you doing here-"

Neither of them heard the teacher's words, as they threw themselves into each other's arms: as if automatically the boy's hands ended up on the girl's hips, while her arms tightened around his neck, in such a sweet embrace to be special. The contact, what they had sought for so long, they were finally experiencing: for Sae, the girl's smell and warmth was hid new favorite sensation, as her skin tightened under his hands, holding her as close to him as possible, as if afraid she might go back behind the screen. He couldn't believe it was finally happening, after dreaming so many times that he could do it; finally, everything he wanted was here, here with him and only him

And even before he realized it, Sae was already lifting her chin so he could kiss her, as if he wanted to finish everything off by putting the icing on the cake. Her lips were soft, sweet, fresh; if this was heaven, the world cup, anything he liked, he wanted to be left like this, with his girlfriend hugging him. It was a kiss that he had often imagined, and that he was now experiencing with an emotion that almost made his stomach weak, due to the butterflies. Everything was perfect, she was perfect, his love for her was perfect. Perfection, for him, was this moment

When they broke away, Sae couldn't help but hide the smug smile on his lips, which was small compared to her girlfriend's "Maybe you should have told me about this detail about your father" says the boy, caressing her face "Maybe. But I didn't know it either until a few minutes ago"

"You're here"

"I'm here because I love you"

Sae finally turned to his teacher, the girl still held tightly in his arms. He wouldn't let her go easily

"Did you see, Profe? I learned Spanish"