#because i know you mean well but those sentiments always make me feel so uncomfortable | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

marengogo · 2 months ago

Text

Are You Sure ?! - #4: I Hate that YOU Love Hate You but, I Love YOU, so ...

I’m listening to a Mellow/Angsty Love playlist - (yes) it has BTS/ solos BTS songs as well

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

–🐺–🐺–🐺–

Hello My Sentimental Girls, Bois and Enbys,

Please be kindly warned that I am going to be overpoweringly sensitive as I write this. Not necessarily because Are You Sure?! has unfortunately come to an end, but because, as I try to write this post, as always, “through” my TwinFlame’s JK emotional lens, the last two episodes really were so full of so many feelings that I am trying my best to order my thoughts and do them justice. Like, let me tell you, this boy really felt plenty, or better yet he allowed himself to truly feel a lot hence, as always, through respectful speculation and educated guessing I’ll try my best to convey my related observations.

Towards the end of the post I’ll also have a little confession to make about something that I have been so determinedly ignoring, because the mere thought always makes me so uncomfortable, sad, and a tiny bit scared, so there’s also that.

All that being said, here I am, concluding this physical/sentimental journey, with my unrequested thoughts but with a hopeful sense that perhaps writing this down will somehow lessen my emotional weight, because let’s be for real, I am going to have AYS withdrawals on Thursday. So, is this post going to be long? … 🤡 I mean, you should know me by now. For those who don’t know me, yes, it will be a long post 🙏🏾.

Truly free things are hard to come by nowadays. Undoubtedly, money has effectively found its way into our everything. Yet, there is one thing that hasn’t changed in its acquired value as in, how you get by it, and how you get it, etc. This one thing is still available free and you can find it anywhere, LITERALLY. However, whether or not you’ll be able to acquire it, and eventually keep it, is, to this day, one of the most debated, discussed, joyed over, cried over, mused over, etc, topic.

Yes, you’ve guessed; it’s Love.

I don’t believe I was actually ever taught about just Love in all its forms. Not at home, not at school school talked about famous people in love, sexual education, popular love … basically they beat around the bushes 🙄, or amongst friends, and if I had, I do not recall it, at all and y’all, I have one heck of a good memory, I will not be humble about that. I think that my first notions and ideas I formed about the concept of Love came through books and films, and let me tell you, there is an infinite related archive out there, which can be as exciting, as much as dangerous. Regardless, even though it was never really explained to me same for everyone most likely, as I grew up, EVERYONE loooved to talk about it, ALL THE TIME, so somehow, I made my own understanding of it.

One of the things I understood was that some day, when I would become a woman, I would find an adult man, have a family, children, and live happily ever after because I would fall in love and some man would fall in love with me. I understood it as a given; Everyone, of a certain gender, falls in love with someone, of the opposite gender, because there is someone out there, of a certain gender, for everyone, of the opposite gender, just waiting to find you or to be found. Basically, Everyone will eventually find, and forever keep, mutual heterosexual romantic Love.

Spoiler alert: It wasn’t not true.

In fact, the true state of things is actually the very opposite. The minority of people on this planet, heterosexual or not, will experience, and live with true mutual romantic love, and will be able to keep it for a very long time, and even fewer others will be able to take it all the way to the day they die, those are at the Legendary Level ones. And I am not saying this because I am jaded or bitter or any other hurt and/or hater-inclined-behaviour, you can really miss me with alla dat. This is just that one very helpful, and hard, to accept and you don’t have to accept it by the way! reality that should hit everyone at some point, but not always does. When it doesn’t hit, people may end up tormenting themselves sometimes to death when and/or if they can’t “find love”, wondering if they are unloveable, what is wrong with them, etc etc etc.

Reason why, it is paramount to love yourself first and foremost.

Because it might be true that someone is “unlovable” or that there is “something wrong with them” but, if true, this is principally hindering one’s well-being because, finding and trying to fix whatever might be amiss with one's self, may not guarantee a successful mutual romantic love, but it does guarantee a happier life in general. I mean, listen, if in the scope of things, you might end up having to spend the rest of your life without a mutual romance, meaning, you have to spend infinite time with you, yourself & YOU, how is that going to work, if you don’t love yourself …? And, just in case it wasn’t common knowledge, Loving Yourself is not easy, like any other relationship, it takes work. The reason why therapy ain’t cheap ✌🏾💰💋but needed, honestly.

So, let’s make no mistake; alas Love, in any of its forms btw, if it is harmful, it is not Love is needed. In fact, as it turns out, human beings were “programmed” in such a way that having it in one's life would make their existence progress less painfully, or even painlessly. In addition, self-love is one of the purest, satisfying, and incredibly useful types of love out there.

ALL OF THAT BEING SAID, for those lucky enough to find & keep romantic love regrettably, thus far, I am not one of those, trust me when I tell you, it is not at all smooth sailing. There are just so many factors to be factored in and the bear thought of it all can honestly be enough to make anyone not want to be bothered by it.

Yet, my beloved and most precious, TwinFlame seems to have found it. Now, I can’t guarantee it to be romantic as always, despite me believing it to be so but he sure as hell is fighting his darn life to keep it. So, yes, hm, I think

JK is in Love.

If it wasn’t clear enough in episode 1 all the way to this finale, JM is a person whose presence JK particularly wants in his life, and whose absence kinda makes him feel sort of … unsettled? … but I’ll dive deep into this, later on in this post. For now, it is important to point out that my TwinFlame not only actively looks after JM, but he actively seeks JM’s attention, he actively wants to be sought by JM, he actively tries to make JM happy, he actively wants to level with JM, he actively wants JM to be comfortable around himself JK and for JM to be comfortable with himself JM. Basically, JK cares, in his own way, quite loudly for JM. And I say “his own way” because I believe JK’s emotional intelligence (EI) to be somewhat different from the common ones. I actually received an ask about his EI, which I plan to answer very soon 🙏🏾, so for now, I will not dive into that in this, cos I really ain’t trying to compete with the length of dictionaries with this post 😬.

Japanese people, traditionally, have a fascination for sad love stories, and ever since I got into 875, I’ve been wondering if Koreans feel the same way but in their case, it is likely to be just Sadness period. You see, in the West, we “all” love a heartbreaking and passionate love story, the reason why Romeo and Juliet will probably be eternally famous. Yet, we don’t believe that true love is love, because it is brought about by unbearable suffering, so it must be real. We are more of the true love, is love, because it leads to immeasurable happiness kinda style. Basically we Westerners love Romeo and Juliet because of what they could have been, but Japanese and maybe Koreans would love Romeo of Juliet because of what they were to each other. So when a person like me watches a movie like 5 Centimetres per Second and swears to never watch it EVER AGAIN which I haven’t and refuse to, a Japanese person might think that is probably one of those movies they’ll find themselves watching over and over again and let me tell you, it was great, I just don’t think I can handle a second viewing, no thanks.

So if I am correct in thinking that Koreans feel similarly as Japanese in this matter, JK, like many other Korean folk, loves to sing sad/angsty/melancholic songs. Either by himself, or in company, like he used to with Tae probably they still do as well as watching sad movies, like JM’s favourite being The Notebook and JK’s being Titanic. Yet, here is where the glitch in the matrix happens; JK was most likely not that serious but wasn’t he? 😬 when he brought this up however, he seemed to be a little bothered by the fact that JM really liked “Hate You” out of all the song in his album. JM sang Seven, 3D and Standing Next to You this particular one he kept bringing up like there was no tomorrow, throughout all 3 trips, yet, when he played Hate You in the car, for the second time because he had as well in episode 6 JK was like; “Why?”.

Let me tell you something.You know how I usually skip Spring Day, cause I can’t really handle it? Before AYS Ep. 8 I used to skip Hate You as well for the same reasons as Spring Day; it was too sad for me to bear as it felt closely related him singing it alone makes me relate it to him in my flowed brain, even though he didn’t write it 🙃 to people I love, people being the Tannies. Lovely by Khalid and Billie Eilish in comparison is MUCH SADDER but because I am in no way emotionally connected to either Khalid or Billie I don’t mind listening to the song at all I love that song.

Anyways, Long story short, it looked like it bothered him a tiny bit. It felt almost as if “Sure, we are Koreans and we like sad love songs, this being an excellent one, but I don’t want MY love story to be sad” kind of bothered “also this better have NOTHING to do with the fact that Shawn Mendes wrote this song!” - perhaps nervously thought JK 🤡🤣😂. In fact, there are a few situations that came up, involving him and JM, which “bothered” him and he had no qualms in bringing up with JM right away, which by the way is healthy AF. JK seems to be the type of partner that wants to confront you right away and will not let it be until he hears the words that make him know that the “conflict” is cleared to his own satisfaction, or until he senses you don’t want to talk about it any further in that particular moment.

Those are all examples, during AYS, where JK was satisfied with the answer that JM gave him to the legit concerns/silly questions he brought up. JK’s reaction right after all of those answers was him being content/happy, by laughing, singing along, or something else, hence moving on. Below is an example where he wasn’t satisfied with the answer:

Did he just drop it? Did they talk it out? As always, we will never know, as this part cuts into another scene. Only JK, JM and the editors will know and this is a fact we should never forget. Never forget about editing limitations, and this is a very good moment to add that even though whoever translated this show did a shitty ass job, the crew that went with them, to film in Sapporo specifically, seemed to be quite familiar with them, their dynamics almost like friends, which I think contributed with JK and JM feeling as comfy as they did in Japan.

Japan.

By the looks of it, this is the country that holds special meaning to both myself and my TwinFlame and, NGL, this kinda makes me happy and feel special LOL 😜. BUT, I DIGRESS! Didn’t JK seem a bit more … relaxed? Besides the very romantic fact that he wanted to go back to Tokyo because it was their first trip, didn’t JK seem a tad flirtier, a tad cuter, a tad more annoying, a tad comfier and just so fucking happy? He, and I’d dare say JM as well, truly let their guards down, even if just a tad. The fact that JK & JM wondered how the crew would have edited the content tells me that they were fully aware about the fact that they were being filmed, but didn’t want to think too much about it, because they wanted to also have a sense of freedom. Because of that, perhaps, they tried to give us as much realness as they could, restraining themselves in some instances, while also saying Fuck it! in few other cases during which they perhaps forgot about the fact that they were being filmed, confidently relying on their trusted crew to properly edit the footage in the best way possible. But back to the main point,

JK is in Love.

JK is probably the type of person who wishes he could have an answer, and/or remedy, to any problem his significant other may have. Yeah, he is probably the type of man that wishes he could take away all their pain, or feel it for them instead, and it is exactly because he seems to be willing to do anything for his loved one’s well-being that I think that sometimes he does struggle with some of their societal boundaries, such as; age hierarchy. Without getting too much into his EI, the part in episode 7 where he brings up how things would have been if he and JM would have been born the same year really stood out and stayed with me.

In this particular instance, for the first time I finally got to see him kinda mind about their age difference, almost troubled and not because he might think it to be a lot which it isn't at all, but because according to their societal practices, he theoretically should constantly be mindful about it, limiting greatly the actions he can do, not that he’s ever heed to them, but the fact is that he should, and in certain situations, he must. If we think about it properly, right from their debut years, JK has struggled a lot with referring, and treating, JM as a hyung, which is actually quite weird considering that the person he treated more like a “chingu” friend of the same age in this context was is Tae, even though, to my knowledge, he’s never dropped honorifics with him and had no desire in doing so, as explained during the first In The Soop which in hindsight, I’m sure must have confused Tae a lot who has been trying to be his cool hyung for as long as I can remember (the following pictures are not from In The Soop, but Festa 2021).

Like, it is honestly so peculiar how, back in the day, JK had never really treated JM as your typical “chingu”, nor a hyung, yet found himself sticking by JM’s side a lot, off cameras, filming him a lot, acting stand-offish just to apologise right after, staring at him a lot, learning all his likes and dislikes, studying his body and habits, doing questionable things such as focusing rather often on his lips and butt through a camera lens, which eventually evolved into JM being the first member he’s ever bought a gift for, as well as being the first member he’s ever travelled alone with… basically, as I’ve stated, JK has really never seen JM as his hyung or friend though he does try to remind himself of it.

So if JM is not a hyung, or a “chingu”; then what is he? 🙄…

Wanna know what’s even funnier? JM clearly cares about JK enormously and though he likes most of all of his sides cos JK can be annoying when he wants to 🤡✌🏾 the side he likes the most is his cute side; but here comes the catch. It would seem that from their debut days, JM truly became fond of that cutesy, happily skipping, side that JK shows with his hyungs in particular and the fact that they are ALL his hyung, including JM, just made writing this sentence so weird NGL …, that cuddly, super-maknae aura he has many a time, with literally everyone but the 95s, because Tae, as speculated, he seems to see as a chingu and JM as a … charming person?? Whatever that means.

Now JK does give JM “cute”, sometimes, but it is not the little brother kind of cute. It’s that “don’t go without me…” kind of cute, “let’s buy the same one” kinda cute, “you didn’t show me first, so I am hurt” kinda cute, “how do I look?” kind of cute “I can film you, but don’t film me” kind cute, “... spend time with ME!” kinda cute … you get the jist, don’t you? Cause, repeat after me; He a simp, he a simp, he a simp! And there is nothing wrong with being a simp tbh, as long as you own up to it, and JK does own up to it marvellously 💋.

And remember when I mentioned about him feeling sort of unsettled when JM isn’t around? I’ve been thinking about this for a couple of days but doesn’t it almost feel like a sort of … separation anxiety? Through the whole episodes it sometimes felt like he tried to do as much as possible, of anything, with JM as if he would just take off and leave at some point. This could also explain him always popping up on WEVERSE whenever JM took a flight, or trying his darn best to get him to come around even though they had just spent so much time together in the US. But who knows right? Perhaps he just really loves to spend every hour, every minute, every second with JM because, like crazy,

JK is in Love.

So in love that he thought it important for himself to drive them to the airport, hence he didn’t drink that last beer I know he was dying inside, as well as taking a flight to Korea with JM, when he really could have just flown to the US from Japan. So in love that out of all the trips he's been to in his life, Are You Sure?! is the best trip he’s ever been on and he wishes to reboot when they come out of the military, where, by the way, they presently are together 🤡 . So in love that he wasn’t going to have JM get sad and lost in his own thoughts while in his presence, no, reason why, like a knight in shining armour, he “went and saved” him from his slump and not because JM was a princess in distress, but because prince charming also needs saving every once in a while If you ask me, the main “princess” in this relationship is my TwinFlame, no doubt, cause I also fo happen to think that they do take turns, for sure. Hence, the main “prince charming” is most definitely JM, and btw, frequency of a certain behaviour is not a factor that determines who is “main” 💋.

Marengo Confession-Time! 😬- here it goes: I love watching people react to ANY 875 content, but I haven’t been able to watch anybody react to Are You Sure?! Because to put it plainly I am scared. I’m scared that people will question their relationship, or have homophobic reactions, or feel uncomfortable watching them when they do what they do. I just don’t want them to be hated for something they can’t help and are comfortable with. For the most part I am sure they would maybe nt comment, or chalk it up as “brotherly behavior", but what if they don’t? In fact, I am also so apprehensive of the reaction the world would have if they are a couple if they ever came out, it genuinely terrifies me.

I don’t want them to be looked at like freaks, or worse, so I am not able to bring myself to watch people react to them, in the same way I turn off when people have unwarranted shit to say when reacting to 875’s music. If they are a couple, I truly want them to be happy, safe, and become part of the Legendary Level ones. So, even though the world may not be fully ready to want their chapter in their history books, I hope it will someday, because theirs would be such a motivating and enthralling chapter at that.

I don’t know what will await them when they come out of ME. It is interesting though that JK made all these memories during the trip to take with himself and think about while serving. The snow he watched with JM, the restaurants they ate at, the time they tried skiing for the first time, the antics in the sauna and the “scuzzi”, the tuna-mayo gimbap he knew JM would love, the good afternoon and good night whiskey, and more. Now that I think about it, in some way, JK has a similar Love background to mine, he most likely wasn’t taught that romantic Love can come from someone of the same gender and he wasn’t exactly taught that not having children or a traditional family can be okay.

Yet, I have a feeling that just like me, through movies perhaps, songs, or other means he’s figured out a thing or two. I have a feeling that he will decide for himself what Love is to himself, all the forms of Love he will need, who embodies Love for him, and what role Love will take in his life, and whether or not JM turns out to be that person MAKE NO MISTAKE: JM is an incredibly important person in his life. So, it is a strong feeling I have, but then again when has JK ever not taken control of his own life? When has he ever not followed his instincts and/or succumbed to what people want him to do? Same for JM really.

These are two boys who found themselves in Seoul even though they were born in Busan, like, the universe wanted them to meet. They are two boys, who, along with the other five, made the phrase impossible Is Nothing feel real. After all, these are indeed two boys who really can’t be told to do anything. There is a very famous quote, which kinda makes me think of them:

I am the Master of my Fate, I am the Captain of my Soul.

So yeah, the future is uncertain but one thing is for sure, no relationship that took so long, so much care, and so many trails to build, can be so easily destroyed. So, fighting TwinFlame, whatever it is you want, you got this! 👊🏾.

Always respectfully yours 🫰🏾💜,

Marengo.

PS - Dammit! I miss them so much 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

#Are You Sure?!#Are You Sure?! Ep 7-8

32 notes · View notes

autismasgore · 4 months ago

Text

i'm leaving the fandom

so i already posted about this on twitter with a shorter explanation but after a long while of being in the undertale fandom, i've decided to distance myself from it. i'm not sure if i'll ever make a public return on any of these accounts, but for now i've decided that i feel this is what's best for me mentally.

i'm kind of surprised i haven't already, to be honest, but i guess for a good while i was able to focus on the passion and love i had for the game. nowadays, i've been finding it harder and harder to interact with the fandom as a whole - for a multitude of reasons really.

many of you are already aware i went through a stalking incident over asgore discourse, which lasted from late 2019 to 2023. it was the most traumatizing years of my life, and i don't even remember a time where i actually felt at peace with myself during those years. the only time i remember being happy was pouring all of my focus onto undertale even harder, just to try and cope with what was going on. it didn't help that at the time, my abusive family was blaming me for being stalked and telling me i was just doing this all for attention and that i loved the "drama" of it.

i really didn't want to do this, because it feels like such a huge betrayal of everything i've loved for so long (hi, i'm autistic and undertale was my special interest, in case you haven't noticed yet LOL) but at this point i associate too many traumatic memories with undertale, specifically the fandom.

since getting more into steven universe and browsing the fandom casually it made me realise just how toxic the undertale fandom is as a community right now. i mean, let's be real, it's always been this way, but i feel like it's gotten a whole lot more worse lately - more insane.

it honestly felt like such a huge breath of fresh air to go into a fandom tag that Didn't have any toxic sludge or people discoursing about liking certain characters (cough Asgore cough) and whether or not that makes you a bad person. it felt like total whiplash, seeing people discussing a show they liked and sharing fanart instead of seeing constant discourse about it.

i've also been seeing a lot of my friends go through absolute fucking bullshit lately, and it's honestly really stressful because it felt like my stalker incident was becoming a more popularized and public sentiment in the fandom. which... honestly is scary to me. people are becoming more openly hostile, more openly insane with their accusations. i've been trying to remain hopeful and optimistic about the fandom, but the more things that have happened, the less hopeful i feel.

i don't want to be in this sort of community. i don't want to be in a community where people feel glee in hurting others, tearing other people down and slinging around serious accusations because it makes them feel powerful.

i want to be in a community/fandom that makes me feel actual joy, and not a constant source of stress.

there's also another reason why i decided to distance myself online rn as well, and it's not really related, but it was enough that i feel incredibly uncomfortable going by the name "pixie" rn.

last year, a youtuber i knew decided to put me on blast and straight up called me an abuse apologist and that i should be avoided at all costs, all bc i quietly distanced myself from posting publicly about the situation and decided to avoid jumping to conclusions.

i don't entirely blame them, since there's definitely things i feel i could have done better, but a lot of what they said was already privately resolved between us, and they left a lot of that out in order to paint a false narrative about me. i mean they literally had saved hundreds of deleted posts from my deleted old social media accounts. i know this because they've done this before with other people. i also know that this comes from a place of hurt and anger, they're lashing out at a community they felt hurt by, but their way of coping with it isn't healthy.

because they had thousands of followers, i started getting a ton of harassment, from people saying i wasn't trustworthy and calling me an abuse apologist, and even private nasty dms i don't really want to get into.

i didn't say anything at the time bc i was worried i'd come across as attention seeking/manipulative but. i became straight up actively suicidal after this. i was convinced nothing was going to ever get better for me and that i was an active danger to everyone. my mum ended up dragging me all the way to the city literally just to buy me the macbook i wanted in order to try and cheer me up, and even then i felt so depressed that i felt like i didn't have anything to look forward to. honestly the only thing that really kept me going was my friends privately supporting me.

to put it short, it felt like a repeat of my stalker situation and i don't feel comfortable going by pixie anymore because i associate so much trauma with that name right now. i feel like so many people who don't have good faith intentions know me as that name, more than people i'm friends with.

i don't even know if i'll ever post on social media ever again, or at least not in the way i used to. if i do end up making a new social media with a new rebrand, you won't hear from me about it. i want to be more private now.

tl;dr if you're still reading this, thank you for sticking by me for so long. this ended up being a lot longer than i anticipated, but i think i'm done with the name "pixie", and i think i'm done with the undertale fandom for now.

i know i'll be able to move on into a better place once i move forward to this chapter.

thanks for the memories.

#pixie.txt

25 notes · View notes

howyouloveyourdragon · 2 years ago

Text

ꜱᴜɢᴀʀ ᴍᴏᴍᴍʏ ʀʜᴀᴇɴʏʀᴀ ʜᴄꜱ ᴘᴀʀᴛ ɪɪ

part 1

pronouns: they them warnings: nsfw section but not neccessary

you hate hiding it from Jace

like actually hate it

he's one of your closest friend and has helped you on numerous occasions but Rhaenyra is just so...Rhaenyra

she almost doesn't even feel like Jace's mum anymore, it's like she two different people to you now

everytime you meet up to go and end things, you're pulled into her embrace again and you don't care anymore, it just feels so right for something so wrong. how could it be wrong for the both of you to be together?

of course Jace notices the change in you but he's not suspicious, you told him you got a new part-time job and with the tips you're making you don't have to worry anymore

he's satisfied enough knowing you're happy

(he secretly thinks you might be a stripper now but doesn't say anything)

you go to less of the dinners at the house on weekends because you feel guilty every time Rhaenyra so much as passes the salt and because you almost always wind up back in her room, her swallowing your moans and praising you like a prayer

the next morning always goes the same way, you leave early and then meet up with her later that night for dinner at the same restaurant your relationship started, somewhere out of town and away from prying eyes

eventually you tell him that you're a sugar baby after you're caught out

you tell him you're working one day so he went to check up on you only to hear that you'd never step foot in there before

you don't tell him it's rhaenyra though

how do you even approach that "hey dude you know when i said i was fucking your mum a year ago when you were pissing me off? oops did it again"

did he even know that she and daemon had a polyamorous relationship?

you didn't wanna find out

so instead you answer all his questions except for the big one... who is it

you both love spending the money on things you can do together but that doesn't mean she doesn't absolutely spoil you, loving the way jewellery she bought you hangs on you

the clothes she buys you are often in her signature black and red but just pout those pretty lips at her and the world is yours

you might as well not even tell you what you need because she'll find out anyway, buying your textbooks before your teacher even mentions them, replacing your apartment furniture every few months because she only wany wants the best for her baby

every once in awhile she might ask if it's okay Daemon join you both for dinner but she doesn't want to make you uncomfortable

if you do choose to let him into the relationship then it definitely sparks some competitive tension between them but they both love spoiling you together

it actually brings them closer, going out shopping on thursdays for you, brainstorming date ideas and what would look good on you, talking about you

they don't want their sweet baby overworking themself

Rhaenyra likes to read over your essays and uniwork, offering to fact-check for you or offer any personal opinions but it mostly ends up in her spewing praise and 'rewarding' you

she spends half her nights at your place and half her place at home, she still loves her husband but you're just so inviting

of course the kids are slightly suspicious but they're going through their own phases and tribulations so long as their mama's home when she gets back home from work, they're happy

she likes things sentimental so i think she would like returning to the restaurant you both first made the agreement but will love when you suggest somewhere, it makes her feel special and especially that you're not just doing it for the money

NSFW

mommy nyra lovess eating you out

for every night you spend apart she doubles the orgasms she pulls from you (on some aegon 1 shit)

half her savings are going toward your lingerie at this point, you just look so pretty all dolled up for her and humping her thigh like a good girl

she likes tugging at your hair but only gently as she pulls you against her

she's not especially vocal but she does make breathy moans and praises at you, she likes intimacy so will usually whisper in your ear as you ride her strap perfectly chosen for you

she likes gripping your thighs and leaving hickeys over you

i feel like one day she would take you to a sex shop and tell you to pick up anything you want and just leave you there dumbfounded for half an hour before coming back and buying out half their collection to try

again i feel like she'd be ecstatic if you wanted to let Daemon into the bedroom but she will never force you, your relationship isn't just about sex and she has the most soft aftercare

she likes washing your hair after sex and braiding it for you before bed, wrapping her arms around you like a teddy bear

she wouldn't be above asking to record you both doing the deed, i can imagine it

i think she would call you endearments such as her 'good girl' or 'sweet one'

definitely a service top in this scenario, she wants her pretty girl feeling loved

Taglist: @multi-fandoms-stuff @syzrina

272 notes · View notes

fellshish · 11 months ago

Note

Hey Fells! Sorry if the question makes you uncomfortable, you don't wish to respond or things like that. I wanted to ask since you always have good advices in terms of fics, authors/commenters/struggles. Sorry if I'm stepping over any boundaries you might have.

Just want your advice and opinion of the matter.

Everyone tells me that I worry too much for those author friends or commentors who are on these countries that are on wars right now. That my worries and all that, will not help or change the fact of what is going on. But... man is hard.

Not because the fic couldn't be there anymore or stuff like that but the whole person itself. The whole author or commenter. And I know is not healthy thinking in that but I do wonder if I'm the only one that wishes that she could smash the Kudo buttom many many times to make them feel special and loved or leaves comments all the possible time I can.

It is weird when you feel this strong for them that have made you happy with their stories, their comments, etc etc?

Thanks Fells and have a wonderful day! 😘

Not an easy question.

First of all, i get what you’re feeling. I too like to give fic or art posts an extra reblog if know the op is going through a hard time or is a refugee or currently in gaza or something. The sentiment behind this is kind: there is very little you can do, so you do the thing you can. If it’s in some small way comforting to the person, good.

However, there are other things do to as well that might be more helpful for someone currently going through war. Like joining protests for peace near you. Spreading (reliable) information on your social media accounts. Or donate if that’s within your means. For ex. this post has helpful donation links for gaza. If your country has ukrainian refugees you could donate your time in helping them somehow.

I think the concerning thing here is that it seems to stress you out a lot. It’s good to care, but it helps nobody if you care so much it burns you out.

A therapy exercise i find useful is the three questions. When something stresses you out, ask yourself: 1. Is this thought true? 2. If yes, is this thought helpful? 3. If the thought is not helpful, how can I replace it with something that is more helpful?

For example, donating or protesting would be more helpful in this situation than feeling stressed about it.

#my asks #palestine

7 notes · View notes

mashithamel · 1 year ago

Text

Episode 4 spoilery reactions (full book and show spoilers)

- I like how Fares Fares looks straight into the camera. Honestly I think it makes him a little scarier that he’s looking right at me, even if it breaks the fourth wall just a little.

- The Dark Prophesy!

- His weaves are so smooth compared to Aes Sedai—nice touch to show how they are different in their abilities, and how they would be distainful of the current channelers

- Properly creepy Lanfear intro

- This intro to the Cairhein nobility—the surface changes to hide aging and the dusty oppulence of the house.

- Yeah, that window’s patterns has to be important for them to focus on it? Someone outlined a fox head in it—I like that theory.

- Moiraine is just being a jerk to everyone, huh?

- Accepted rooms are better than expected.

- Oh, poor Nynaeve. She doesn’t even know how to respond to her friend’s compassion. “It wasn’t real. None if it was real.” It’s true, but not what she wants to hear.

- Lan’s hair is better here than in the arches. Color looks good on him too.

- Such a delightful family scene. I like how Ivohn and Maksim are just part of it.

- I like that Alanna is funny. “A Warder is supposed to laugh at his bond holder’s quips.”

- “[Breakfast] was at least two hours ago.” That is basically my sentiment in the morning, when I want to eat something like every two hours until lunch. Alanna is my people (which is a very uncomfortable statement)

- Alanna & co think Moiraine released him from his bond, right? That’s why she came to pick him up and why they are watching him so closely. He isn’t correcting them. He will still protect Moiraine’s secrets.

- “Nynaeve is going through the arches.” Oh, the painful difference between “I came as fast as I could” and “I’m not looking to repeat my failures.” This is as close to a Lanaeve moment as we get this episode, so I will milk it for all it’s worth. In the books he refuses Nynaeve because he has a death sentence (both externally and internally imposed). It’s an interesting change that here he’s refusing because he’s failed as a Warder and doesn’t want to fail Nynaeve as well (I guess it’s kind of the same thing, but it feels different). Plus the whole unresolved issues with Moiraine. But it does add a unique flavor to the refusal that I like.

- “A year or two before she bonded you.” We’ve established Moiraine’s timeline is different from the books, but interesting.

- I assumed those were cigars. But probably Two Rivers tabacc, however you want to interpret it.

- That little smile in the mirror. Just a tiny little look into who Moiraine Damodred was before the Tower, pretty and steeped in Daes de Mar.

- I like that Moiraine arranged for Logain to come to Cairhein.

- “I should kill you where you stand.” “You tried that once.” Hah!

- “Have you started training him yet?” Plots within plots. Always three steps ahead.

- “I know what you really want.” Oh, double meanings, and the way she looks at that dagger. She is so stubborn, so committed to her mission she won’t even give into suicide because of it. She is so strong. (But everything has a breaking point)

- I’ve seen Logain vs Asmodean as being Moiraine vs Lanfear, and I love it.

- “Why do you feel like you have to fix it?” “Cause I’m her friend.” Such a good question and such an honest, but inadequate, answer. Egwene can’t fix it, of course. But that desire to help, even though nothing can, is very relatable. And very in line with Egwene’s character.

- “I just feel smaller and smaller.” Oh, baby girl.

- I love that Nynaeve’s keyhole in her dress is much smaller here (shame it’s bigger in a later scene), it’s very in line with her preferring to be more covered up (at this point, at least!!)

- They teased us Mat with a quarterstaff in the BTS footage and I’m not going to stop being mad it was a fake out. This show will teach me patience or it will break me. Trusting you, Rafe. Don’t let me down!

- I love that Nynaeve’s seeking out her friends here, and that she actually has friends besides Egwene here, that are hers alone. A nice change. Too bad they aren’t actually here. They’re trying to take care of your man! But they would have been so good for her too, whatever Lan thinks of Maksim’s wisdom.

- This guy is very hot. And so smooth taking his shot. Look, I stan Lanaeve as much as the next fanatical shipper, but a girl can look, right?

- God, I love her glare here.

- “You know if she falls, you’ll fall with her.”

- “Are they all wolfbrothers? Am I going to change into…” “Don’t be stupid.” At least we stand a prayer of a chance of giving poor Perrin some answers instead of everyone just telling him ‘this is too dangerous’ or ‘you don’t know what you’re doing’ and they might actually tell him what to do instead!!! (I may have some lingering resentment from Perrin POVs)

- I like that the wolves understand Perrin’s loss, he doesn’t have to explain himself to them, they just get him.

- HOPPER!!!!

- Lan knows what the poem means. I’ve seen speculation he let Maksim see him put it away too, and I like it. The writers know this character too well to just have him be a big dumb solider. He’s a king, well read and well taught, and spent twenty years with Moiraine. He doesn’t know everything, but he’s far from stupid.

- Nice parallel with the well and water buckets

- I have chosen to believe these writers don’t waste screentime and words where they aren’t important. Some people thought Stepin’s whole storyline was pointless, but I loved it and thought it was important for us to understand the stakes of the bond. I don’t know how this is going to play out, but I’m choosing to trust they are spending all this time with Lan/Alanna&co for a reason and I’m going to enjoy it. We’ll see in <4 weeks if it was worth it…

- “Have you ever known a marriage that is exactly the same as another?” Come on, this has to be worth it just for all the varied relationships this show is going to give us. In addition to showing Lan an effective Warder who doesn’t need the bond (exclusively, at least).

- “I’m proof you can [go back to Moiraine]. If you want to.” Go, Lan! He leaves tonight, right??

- Ha, Maksim leaves him with all the water buckets

- Selene is effective. Much better than in the books. But still gag inducing. Honey, you need to get over him. You are a smart, capable woman. You don’t need to waste your life pining after the one guy who got away. Plus, you are evil now, so… Leave Rand alone!

- Dice rattling!!

- My poor Nynaeve. “I’m supposed to just forget her and everything that happened in there.” Might be nice if Lan, instead of Liandrin, was the one here to comfort her.

- “We Aes Sedai are cursed too…we have to sit and watch the people we love pass by instead.” I get the feeling when they do see each other, Nynaeve is going to be a lot more reluctant to pick up where she and Lan left things off. Or maybe it’ll be more along the lines of strike while the iron is hot?

- “I can see why they don’t let you teach Novices.” Hah! But don’t bond with Liandrin! She’s secretly evil!

- Lan says the word “wisdom” and gets a far off stare. I take it back, we get two Lanaeve moments in this episode. I’m taking them where I can get them. I’ve written fanfics based on less.

- They all want dessert after. Where do I sign up to be Alanna’s Warder?

- This nice juxtaposition, of Alanna with her Warders and family, and Nynaeve and Egwene, having support and other people, vs Moiraine who has pushed everyone away, making her job all that much harder, losing her eyes and ears in Cairhein to other loyalties. Very nice.

- Lady Anavare! You got the upper hand on an Aes Sedai and I love it.

- “Give us a moment.” “This is my room!” Nynaeve glare. Gotta love it. They are going to be so at odds with one another next episode, and it’s going to be delightful. Princess vs Wisdom and they have to learn to get along and eventually like each other. I’m so looking forward to it.

- As has been pointed out, the first of many concussions for Elayne

- I kind of like the temptation of Min. Make it more of a thing when it’s no longer a curse but something she can use to help those she cares about.

- Was the cabin there before? Like, she just made it, right?

- As a person with a frog phobia, I approve the swap of the grolm for a Fade. Thanks, Rafe!

- Yeah, I’m on team “Selene should have dropped the act as soon as she got him to channel.”

- Rand, baby, it’s a crush. It’s not real. Also, she’s evil.

- Gonna admit, I did not see Natasha as Lanfear (she looked so much like the Elaida in my head!). But I am sold on her.

- “Sure he’s asleep?” Nope. I would have liked them to include a shot of Lan riding away, but I don’t buy it. If he’s still there next episode I will be really disappointed.

- Dark prophesy translation!! I really do not care that it’s Alanna and not Verin that read this. Alanna makes sense for where we are in the show. Verin’s got other important prophesies to give us.

- That’s gotta be him recognizing a woman channeling, right?

- And Moiraine with the stone cold stabbing of people. At least in the end she got her man, and just in time.

- Aviendha next week!

#wheel of time #wot spoilers #wot on prime #wot show spoilers #episode 4

17 notes · View notes

ina-nis · 10 months ago

Text

Unfortunately, I enjoy my individual peace more than the "greater good" of a community nowadays.

I'm not sure if that makes me self-centered or insufferable or what, really. All I know is that the more I try to rationalize and understand things like... being able to be around all kinds of people, or things like not closing oneself into an echo-chamber where your own values are never questioned, or things like literally avoiding discomfort, among other things... these make me wonder just how much growth-through-duress I'm supposed to be doing?

Because it feels as if I'm only able to evolve and become a better person if I'm dealing with uncomfortable things? If I'm trying to push myself past my limits, and so on.

Well, if I have learned one thing in all my years trying to socialize and connect with all kinds of people in all kinds of places is that, if I had listened to my "gut feelings," if I had trusted what I saw/heard that made me question whether that was a good or safe place for me to be, if I had not gone with the flow and forced myself, and actually listened to what I wanted to do... I would not be as traumatized as I am today.

So, as I heal more and more, these kinds of things, situations, places and people become more intolerable for me.

Like that time I cut myself out of an entire group of friends over one person, because I could not be in the same space without feeling upset or triggered and that didn't get any better after a whole year of me forcing myself - very similar to situations that have happened in the past, too.

Like more recent examples, too: connecting with seemingly safe people, that I could not entirely trust but I still gave it a try because I imagined that would be the way to form a good connection (instead of being always so strict and burning bridges too soon), and inevitably getting hurt when they turn their back at me and actively attack me when conflict arises - that could have not happened if I had not tried to maintain the connection I knew it was not safe from the start.

All in all, there's this constant feeling of "you need to be able to be around everyone" while noticing just how many people are absolutely horrible to have in your life, which goes exactly against that sentiment.

Do I really need to be able to be around everyone?

I don't think so, nor do I want such thing.

One thing I have noticed about the kinds of people who spout such nonsense is that they either seemed to not have dealt with complex trauma, and/or they have some kind of support system in place acting as a buffer. Of course, in their eyes, my choice to protect myself and keep away from many things means I'm just in some echo-chamber and will never be able to truly heal, since I'm not willing to put myself through duress, right?

I can't exactly afford to keep on being re-traumatized, or healing-through-duress. I need positive reinforcement more than anything, I need healthy connections with clear communication... being around assholes is truly the last thing I need to get better, and I don't even think I need that, to be honest.

I would rather preserve my peace, yes. Even when that means loneliness. I have had more than enough hurt from incompatible (and oftentimes, actively harmful) connections, but more than that...

I need those quality connections, relationships I deserve, people that will not hurt me anymore, people than are able to fucking communicate as the bare minimum of standard I'm putting out there.

If that's not possible, I want my peace even if it's lonely.

I don't want to go through any more bullshit discomfort in the name of some twisted sense of a "community."

The social needs I'm trying to fulfill stand much closer to my heart - something no community will ever able to reach, even if these communities could serve as the gateway to building precious connections.

My peace is much more important to me than community.

#loneliness #inanis post

4 notes · View notes

multiplicity-positivity · 1 year ago

Note

hey. thanks for your posts. tw for race-related identity issues i guess.

vent:

okay so, I never really considered myself any particular race. i'm european and live in america. it makes me uncomfortable when people talk about white/poc like its a neat divide.

i don't really like, feel attached too much to the culture i was raised in, maybe this is just an american thing but idk. i know it's important to people but it just wasn't for me. i feel sososo bad abt racism and i feel bad that i can't really do anything.

also, i have some anime fictives who don't want to change their names. they very rarely front, and it's always co-fronting with a body-matching alter. advice? thanks.

Hi! We’re not really sure what kind of advice you’re looking for or what we can provide. We’re not an expert on race or ethnicity, and can only say what we’ve learned from listening to POC and reading books by writers of color.

What we can say is this: everyone who lives in and engages with society has a race and a culture. Even if they don’t understand it or feel like they don’t have a race… they still do. It’s okay to feel disconnected, to struggle to comprehend how these things affect you, but as we understand it, race and culture aren’t something someone can “opt-out” of.

We believe that if someone lives outside of a certain culture or does not belong to a particular ethnicity, it is a sign of respect for them to not take a name with those cultural ties and connections. We’re not saying you or anyone else has to do this. We’re just saying it’s a respectful thing to do, especially for white folks (who often have ingrained racial biases that will affect many areas of their lives if not confronted and reckoned with).

We like this article on name appropriation:

We’re pretty firm in our beliefs here! Because this is what we have learned and understand from other people of color.

Also! You say you feel bad about racism, and feel like there’s nothing you can do… but we really disagree with that sentiment! There’s tons of things white people can do to be actively antiracist in their spaces and communities.

Here’s some things that ANY white person, no matter their age, class, or ability, can do to help combat racism.

1) Call it out!

Call out racism when you see it. Don’t let racist jokes or comments slide. Even if it makes you uncomfortable, calling out the bigotry you see is one way to let others know that you find racism unacceptable and something you won’t stand for. Whenever friends, classmates, coworkers, family members, neighbors, or strangers choose to be racist, you can choose to fight that racism by calling it out, saying “hey, that’s racist!” and creating an environment where racism isn’t just ignored, but stamped out.

2) Educate yourself!

Seek out books, articles, films, and other works by creators of color. Try and diversify what you consume. Ask yourself hard questions, and search for answers provided by people of color. Don’t shy away from discomfort, and don’t let your white guilt or shame keep you from finding answers. Don’t rely one one person’s perspective (like the token Black friend, or the token Japanese coworker) for answers to difficult questions about race. Gather resources from all sorts of places and all sorts of marginalized people, and then come to your own conclusions.

3) Educate others!

Once you’ve done some work to unlearn internalized racism, you can try and help other people in your life take on that work as well. Whether that means recommending a book to a family member, having a long conversation about antiracism with a classmate, suggesting books and films by people of color for book/film clubs and events, there’s lots of things you can do to try and educate other white people about racism!

Remember when attempting to educate: don’t speak over people of color, don’t claim to be the end-all-be-all for unlearning bigotry, and recognize that unlearning racism is a process that is often lifelong.

4) Promote people of color!

Support POC-owned businesses, donate to POC-run charities and gofundmes, recommend POC creators to others, and uplift and center POC voices in your daily life. Learn about movements like Landback, StopAAPIHate, and BLM, and understand what these movements hope to achieve and the issues that they address.

5) Get involved!

Join local groups that advocate for POC, uplift them, and recognize their struggles. Volunteer with activists and engage with the antiracists within your community. See what sorts of local organizations near you are doing work to benefit POC in your city. Even volunteering for an hour or so once a week can have a big impact!

You don’t have to do all (or any) of these if you don’t want to. We’re not trying to tell you how to live your life. We’re just saying that these are ways in which white people can combat racism in their everyday lives - it doesn’t have to be hopeless, and it’s not true that there’s nothing white folks can do to combat racism.

We hope this helps!

Most of what we’ve learned can be attributed to the Race & Ethnicity college courses we’ve taken, documentaries by people of color about their struggles, books we’ve checked out from the library/bought on Amazon, and POC content creators we follow on Tumblr and YouTube. With a little digging, you can curate your own collection of works by people of color that can help you educate yourself on racism!

🌸 Margo, 🐢 Kip, and 💚 Ralsei

#race #racism #name appropriation #long post

9 notes · View notes

arunikas · 2 years ago

Note

Hey Aru!!!

Related to your tags in my post

https://www.tumblr.com/arunikas/712901969567711232

I share the same sentiments with you! It was great to see that they added that new baby Boruto flashback scene with first time parents NH, but the entire episode did feel something lacking.

I was under the impression (there were hints about it that I saw somewhere before) that the episode would be somewhat similar to how it was during the Kurama episode, but I kinda... Didn't feel that?

I wasn't alone in watching that episode btw, and we had expressed that there was something missing in the overall feel of the episode. We were like, watching another regular episode for Boruto... Sure the animation was great, the fight scenes were well-executed, and the end part with Kawaki and Boruto was a good way to finish the series, but the emotions? Especially while Naruto was still holding on to Boruto, in complete denial of what happened... I was like - detached, neutral towards the whole thing.

And I know it's not because we already knew what was coming - we're all manga readers - we knew what was going to happen to Kurama but the emotions felt during the parts they were reminiscing had a lot of impact. Comparing that to the Boruto finale, well... Idk... I'm not even sure if I'm explaining this properly lol

OH THANK GOODNESS.........

Born I just started feeling uneasy and afraid that I might be a partypooper because of the tags I wrote, especially to you Born since you were the OP of the post. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable of what I said because everybody seems to enjoy the entirety of the episode (which is great! how long has it been since we hear good news from the Boruto episode?) Beats me.

But I'm relieved now that you felt the same way! If compared to Kurama's farewell, YES I AGREE WITH YOU!!!?!! We knew what's gonna happen and we just needed to sit back and watch how they'd execute the scene and I was literally crying and sobbing and choking on my breath even after a while I finished the ep of Kurama's farewell. It was so heartfelt and they absolutely did the scene justice! Even until now, I still feel a clench in my chest whenever I play the outro of that episode because it'd ALWAYS flood me with nostalgia of the feelings I felt when I watched it.

I was kinda expecting, nah, I really put my expectations high for this ep as well and maybe that's what makes it even more.....dare I say, disappointing? (no offense to those who enjoy the ep! your feelings are valid!!!)

My expectations skyrocketed once I saw the opening scenes of Naruto's core memories of baby Boruto and I was reaaaaally anticipating to see those glimpses come to life in the actual episode, with longer version, deeper flasback, and a profound heartfelt scenes!!!! Even when I was fascinated by the fight scenes, my mind would alway wonder "where's it? where's Naruto and (dead)Boruto? where's their moment and the flasbacks?????"

But then suddenly he got revived and I was like, "that's it?????????" 😭

I don't know...........it felt like....... everything just happened in a flash......too fast......like they rushed it to fit the 24minutes of the ep......like there's not enough time...... Even after finishing the ep, I was like, "where's my tears????????"

Nothing is stopping SP to go all out with the ep, like, wasn't it the finale of part 1????? I expect we'd get some blow in the guts with the ep hahahahahs that's (maybe) where I made my mistake. 😀

But my mami Hinata looked so good in the opening scene and for me it's their redeeming point lolol (though you must have also noticed the inconsistency of her hair? lol)

So that's my conclusion of the entire ep. I love love the opening and the ending, but the middle of the ep feels like it was lacking something....idk how to properly address this but I'm sure you understand what I mean😀❤️

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me Born!!!!!!!! I was really starting to feel bad because I couldn't feel it like how I'd imagined it would be. But, meh, that's how it is for me lolol

#let's just hope for a better light in PART 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#boruto: naruto next generations #thoughts and rambles #kotak masuk

9 notes · View notes

ryker-writes · 1 year ago

Note

Congrats!! I couldn’t send this from my secondary, oh well, but I’d still like to take part in the matchup event!

Overall personality:

Really depends on who you ask. People upon meeting me for the first time tend to say I give off a serious, mature, and responsible vibe whereas those who have known me longer say that I am quirky, passionate, but assertive. I have multiple faces that I put on: one for work/professional settings, one around family, one for friends (and even so that can be split into multiple categories depending on how close I am with you). So multi-faceted is a good term to describe me, as I ‘m always adapting and changing to meet my surroundings. That also means not alot of people tend to know me, but I’m ok with that as I like distance and privacy in my personal life.

Hobbies:

Video games—otomes, gacha games, visual novels, JRPGS, and life simulators like Animal Crossing are my jam, tabletop games, musical theater, cosplay, ice skating, horseback riding, reading (historical fiction, fantasy, or gothic horror especially), listening to J-rock or alternative music.

Likes:

Spending money on gacha games, Italian food, traveling, ancient mythology and medieval history, horses, scrolling social media

Dislikes:

A lot of food as I’m a picky eater—in particular, mushrooms, bananas, seafood, and olives are big on my no list.

Cold or rainy weather. I have low cold tolerance.

***I’m also absolutely touch repulsed, so I’d like someone who isn’t too handsy or openly affectionate.

Preferences:

Someone introverted works best with me, although extroverts (to a degree) are ok too—what’s important is that they respect my need for personal space and alone time.

I don’t care about height too much.

Ideally, they can share some of my hobbies or are open to learning. They can’t be too pushy or demanding, as I tend to do things at my own pace. They may have to take the reins and be the more ‘mature’ one in the relationship at times or be able to scold or guide me in the right direction if needed.

ALSO they absolutely will have to deal with me:

Being a childish picky eater, my frequent forgetfulness and messiness, me holding grudges for the most petty of things.

Love language:

Receiving/giving gifts

I can hoard almost anything that my s/o gives me, ranging from notes to presents and basically any object given to me with good intention. It’s nice to be reminded of someone this way when they aren’t around, so I guess I’m kind of sentimental.

Thanks for doing this!

Thank you dear anon!

"Ah, the first anon matchup! I had a pretty good idea of a few people I wanted to give you, but as I kept reading, I feel I was able to narrow it down pretty well until I had two candidates to choose from. But in the end, I feel I made the right choice for you.

I'm putting you with my dear friend Ruggie!"

I was torn between Trey and Ruggie for you, but in the end I settled on Ruggie because I liked the relationship dynamics a lot more than Trey's

Ruggie loves you sooo much

for starters, he may not have very much money, but he loves to spoil you with gifts!

he sometimes works extra hard and takes an extra job or two just to get you something special

and he absolutely adores and treasures anything you get him!

Ruggie is a very respectful boi too and would absolutely only give affection that you've stated that you're comfortable with

he would never want to do something to make you uncomfortable or that you didn't like

he also has a great memory (and is kinda petty himself) so he'll totally help you remember things when you need

he loves to spend time with you while you're playing games too and he likes to listen to what you tell him about history or your games

there are times when the both of you get to act childish together, but if need be, Ruggie can be the mature one

just don't expect it to be all the time and he won't expect the same from you

generally with Ruggie, he has your back with however you're feeling that day and adjusts accordingly

pls do give him any food you don't like tho he will eat it in a heartbeat

#ryker the matchmaker #twisted wonderland matchups

5 notes · View notes

sad-sour · 1 year ago

Text

hello again, it’s me, here to word vomit before i make myself crazy but this time it’s about the barbie movie 🤩

the barbie movie sincerely was one of the most incredible movies i’ve ever seen tbh. it was beautiful but it was painful and tbh that’s the essence of being a woman

there were several different themes throughout the movie and fuck i really didn’t think this movie would cause me such incredible amounts of psychological damage 😃

what happened between ken and barbie when ken just starts being fucking MEAN and he’s so mean and it just broke my fucking heart and had me sobbing in the fucking theater because my “ken” was so fucking mean to me and to see this innocent barbie get a verbal thrashing for the first time for the boy who means the fucking world to her just sucked so bad because once he hurts you like that the relationship never recovers. what barbie and ken when through is EXACTLY what it’s like to have a close male friend in childhood who eventually grows up to objectivity and crucify you for not loving them back

“where i see live she sees a friend, what will it take for her to see the man behind the tan and fight for me?”

like he’s SO obsessed with barbie and she DOES love him but he refuses to accept the love she does have for him because she doesn’t want to be in a relationship, like barbie wants to be her own person and she wants that for ken too

it was genuinely such a surprisingly visceral reaction to ken being so fucking mean to barbie, as a little girl you don’t ever get that innocent friendship back once he starts being fucking MEAN and i think that’s so fucking heart breaking bc as a woman who has experienced that kind of thing the it’s just so fucking upsetting to look back on what should be such fond fucking memories only for them to be tainted with what “ken” threw in your face and said

the other plot point that really really got me was the mom shit, like damn everybody said if you got mommy issues fucking watch with caution and they were NOT lying

i’ve got mommy issues bc i’ve got a mom that bullied me and even tho i know she loves me bc she’s my mom it always fucking felt like she hated me, the barbie movie made my heart ache bc it made me feel empty. i have a mom and i’ve always ALWAYS wanted what other girls had. i wanted the mom that wanted to play with me, I wanted the mom that made snacks and picked me up after school, parents that didn’t leave me home alone for an entire weekend when i was only fucking eight years old

i saw this tiktok that talked about how this girl and her mom went to the movie together and they were hugging and crying during the beautiful montage of mothers and daughters and i just felt empty

i couldn’t ever imagine watching that movie with my mom, honestly the thought makes me uncomfortable and that makes me really sad

you know i’m kinda surprised by how much this movie really fucked with me,

doesn’t help that my cousin’s 22nd birthday was a few days before this lmfao

even better she posted a video on insta of her from when we were younger, i saw it and i burst into tears bc that’s my big sister, even if we always wanted to pretend we were twins

we were girls together

we played barbies together and on day that just disappeared…

one day we put down our barbies for the last time, packed them up in those big stupid barbie travel cases for the last time and watched them get sold at a yard sale

we still played together, we played animal jam, poptropica, animal crossing, just dance wii sports but none of that feels as sentimental as when we played barbies together…

i never did that with anyone else

doesn’t help that speak now (taylor’s version) just recently came out as well and listening to a 33 year old taylor sing never grow up just kinda really slapped me in the face you know

she was 9 and i was 8 the first time we ever listened to that album together and it was really special getting to listen to the new version with her too and i’m just in this really weird fucking place in life wondering when the fuck i grew up and how i missed so fucking much of my own life because i don’t really have any memories prior to the age of fucking 16

i turn 22 in 2 months…

and all i’m left with is this yearning for simpler times, times before i knew anything about the world when all i was worried about was my barbies and some new fantastical adventure that we were going to send them on

i’m left with this vague impression of memories from times i don’t fucking remember and the only shit i do remember is the traumatic or sad shit

but you know what i’ll keep my rose tinted glasses on for the few precious memories i do have because if fucking refuse to let reality have all of my girlhood, some of it i get to keep for me

#admin jay

2 notes · View notes

zorkaya-moved · 2 years ago

Text

@xamassed , moved from here.

The impact the story had on Zarina didn’t go unnoticed by the demon slouched behind her, but he wasn’t so engrossed in the sentiment of it that he understood her feelings beat for beat. He simply assumed that she had gotten soft, that and the characters had reminded her of something rather than prompting a sugar-sweet daydream.

“Eh, depends — most’a the time, it’s nothin’ but a pain in the ass for me.” The implications flew over his head, though they didn’t make a full escape as she elaborated on what she meant by ‘a family of your own.’

She didn’t mean the families they had both been blessed with.

She meant a new one, one she had pieced together and carefully crafted with her own two hands. A family that she — maybe, possibly, potentially — wanted with him. Unless he was reading too deeply into this, which he tended to do when subjects this heavy arose. He didn’t want to assume, but she made it difficult. Her bright eyes, soft tone and the way she leaned against him made his already frantic heart beat a hundred times faster. Mammon knew she would feel it thundering against her shoulder blade, but he didn’t want to hide it because those pretty thoughts had filled his own head once or twice before.

It didn’t help that on those nights when he needed fresh air and he hit the town, that he would spy little families spending their time together. Parents holding their child’s hand, putting them up on their shoulders, some teaching others how to use their little, baby wings or practicing magic.

He had never told her because he thought it too soon, but he wondered what a little hellion between the two of them would look like, what they would act like. Would they have their mother’s confidence, would they have his greed, or would they be vastly unlike the both of them? Would his brothers love them? Would they show the baby the love they rarely showed their own brother?

“Wh—Who said it doesn’t suit ya?” He had to swallow the dry lump in his throat, but even then parts of it still lingered. “Ain’t ya always been about gettin’ what ya want? Dunno why a family would be any different.”

He wanted to look away and hide the uncomfortable heat blooming in his cheeks, but it would defeat the purpose of confessing himself if he did. She had opened her heart up and set it out before him, knowing full-well that the smallest mistake would have it torn to shreds. Mammon would rather keel over himself and send the rest of his existence in the deepest pits of Hell than hurt her.

Her secrets, her desires, her wishes were all taken carefully into hand and cradled against his own. He couldn’t promise her that all of her wants would become reality, but he could promise to try.

“Kind’a funny that ya mention this t’day of all days. When we went out grocery shoppin’ earlier and we split up, y’know how it took me a little longer t’find ya again? I was, uh… There was this family I saw standin’ in the candy aisle. They weren’t fightin’ or nothin’. The kid was beggin’ for candy, and the dad was about ready t’scoop the whole damn shelf into the basket for ‘em. I could feel it. He was gettin’ real greedy — the dad, not the kid. He was so ready t’get all of the praise and love from that kid, and I could tell it was gonna make him happy as all hell to see his kid happy.”

He paused for a second to take a breath. “But the mom was givin’ him this look like, ‘don’t you dare.’ But there was still love there. Like, she didn’t look mad. Anyone could’a seen she was tryin’ not to laugh. I dunno, they looked happy.”

He picked at the hem of her clothes, eyes down and voice growing quieter.

“I felt like a creep just watchin’ them, but it was makin’ me wonder if — if it was somethin’ I’d ever have. Then I started thinkin’ that I wouldn’t have even cared if I hadn’t met you."

It was strange for others to hear her speak like this. Her team back home didn't expect her to harbor such feelings toward having a personal family. However, it stemmed from the fact that she would not hold her team or her family too close to herself in the way that she wanted to. They had their lives, and she will not rid them of their own happiness. She knew from the get-go that everyone would leave. All would leave, and she will be left alone. That's why she wanted a family as well: to love, to be loved, and to not be alone.

Love was a beautiful emotion; it proved to her that even a beast could be human. It's strange to think about this now that she was in Devildom, but she still saw humans are worse than both angels and demons. Solely for how their short lives and their ambitions would lead them to rebel against anything they would deem threatening. However, right now, Mammon was here, and he spoke his mind, spoiling her with his views on this... silly conversation. Silly, she thought, would be to others but not to herself. To her, it was important. That's why she listened to him intently without looking away.

You're all about getting what you want, so what's different? His words make her chuckle. Ah, he knew her so well, but she truly never thought this would happen. Love, discussions like these, and her darker thoughts when she was back in the Human World. If I don't fall in love, I'll find a way to start a family for myself. But this? The bond they both shared? Perhaps, this budding experience would blossom into the dream she had since she was just a young (lonely) girl.

"Because family cannot be bought with money and influence. Without love, it cannot be reached," she explains to him, remembering the soft look she would give to her twin brother Victor and his fiancee Margarita. They loved and would forever stay together, no matter what. "I'm not the kindest or the warmest person, Mammon. I'm deceptive and manipulative, ambitious and stubborn. I pretend to be sweet and warm to others for the sake of business and opportunity." Not now, though; there is no need. He knows her, and he remains. This sweetness and warmth are true.

And... Ah, the story of the young family Mammon recalled. It made her wonder why it took him so long, but hearing it from him? The very reason? Zarina couldn't look away. She was trying to catch each and every emotion, be it in his voice, his actions, or his expression. All to see if he was in favor of it and if he would ever think of getting even closer. There is tension in her body, but only because of anticipation to hear the last words. Someday, he's going to make her cry. Not in a bad way. It's just that none had ever found that little, stubborn and lonely girl who did everything to protect her family and who longed for warmth yet never trusted that she'll find it. But here he was, trying his best to explain what he felt.

"Kind of sounds like how I'd imagine us to be, if I'm honest," she chuckles softly, placing her hand on top of his that played with the hem of her shirt. Her eyes of gold now seemed akin to warm ember, a faint blush to her cheeks from sheer delight and the sweetest smile ever-present for him to see. "If you'll have me..." You're always confident so what makes your voice have that soft tremble despite your obvious happiness? "...Even if kids are out of the picture, even if marriage is different in Devildom, even if... right now is too soon, but," her hold on his hand tightens just enough to show how serious she was, how earnest she was. "I know that you are the only person I want to call my family. In fact, you already are. By loving me and letting me love you, you've already granted my most tender wish. Would you want to continue to... head toward those possibilities? Is it alright for me to stay with you and think about... more?" She couldn't propose without a ring, but when she finds a fitting one - she will, mark her words.

#xamassed #SOFT SOFT SOFT RAMBLING FOR THEM BOTH BUT SOFT!!!#EMOTIONAL!!#❄ ― IN CHARACTER. ╱ you breathe by the sun，i breathe by the moon.

1 note · View note

eroticcannibal · 5 days ago

Text

It's still a minority view (plenty of varied viewpoints do get conflated with those things though, by people who have also grown up with the criticism of men = man hate line and internalised it in the other direction). It's still heavily exagruated by bad actors. Have you not actually talked to these people? Have you not looked at what they feel is man hate? Have you seen the examples the radicalised will list? Evil radfems saying all men are scum on twitter is a *tiny* fraction of what they feel attacked by and is almost never what they feel *most* attacked by.

I saw an intelligent, reasonable, compassionate, previously explicitly feminist man become *violently* (and I do mean violently, I was the target) antifeminist overnight because I expressed on Facebook I was having a trauma response (wariness of men) after an assault. And you know what else? Not a single man in that room defended me from *actual violence* because to them, fear looked like hate. Anything that made them uncomfortable looked like hate. This was during a time where publically discussing online your experiences with sexual assault was first becoming a Big Thing, the original #MeToo (interesting that it had to happen twice), and there really wasn't anyone going all men evil, just all men can be scary because we don't know who will hurt us. There was SO MUCH EFFORT to add nuance to the discussion, to let men know hey! We aren't saying *youre* bad! And they would not listen. Why? Because they'd rather listen to other men saying we are man hating feminists who are calling them all rapists even when we explicitly say the opposite! And that got me assaulted by a friend. The same shit fucking led to elevatorgate ffs. How dare a woman say she is uncomfortable, that's man hate, ignore all evidence to the contrary.

And yknow I did see an uptick in *performative* man hate at the time, but it was purely reactionary and it was a *test* (and a lot of current supposed "man hate" is still a relic of this era). Since you can make clear you don't hate men all you want and they will still say you do, "yes all men" became a sort of password. If you could here that without being a little bitch about it, if you knew the context because you actually bothered to listen, then you were cool. You knew no one actually meant that because you bothered to listen to them instead of people lying for political gain.

This is a tactic that has been going on since *before feminism even existed* and it is effective! It relies more upon the constructed belief that feminism is anti man which has become very well established over the years than it does the actual behaviour of feminists. I would strongly encourage you to look at anti-feminist sentiment throughout and predating the history of feminism (starting with the votes for women movement, that's the earliest I am personally aware of, there may be earlier examples) and see how we got to this point. Convincing every feminist to never again say "men are evil" will not create any change. (Which is not to say people *should* do it, but just that it's not the true root of this kind of radicalisation). Actual examples of it are *convenient* but not necessary for this tactic.

I would never *entirely* discredit the viewpoints of someone who has escaped cults and cult tactic using groups (I've been through that, I get it), but I would encourage caution with how much you trust the narrative of the *whys* from someone who has escaped. Leaving is quicker than undoing the thinking, and I really do believe that user isn't quite there yet. Best case scenario, that user is right about *them*, but it is not correct of radicalised men in general.

Because you can be as gentle as you like to these people getting radicalised, you can have all the nuance in the world, you could make it so that no one, not even as a joke, says anything about hating men, and you know what will happen? Just like has always happened, they will listen to who they want to listen to. They will listen to the people promising them superiority, they will listen to the people giving them a reason for their economic suffering (we must remember how much economics plays into radicalisation), that reason being evil feminists. They will see the man hate regardless of if it is there or not. Because they have been told to. Because it is convenient for them. And even if you convince them that we don't hate *men*, now you've got to convince them we don't hate them for being *white*. The point is not the hate they perceive but the superiority they seek and the power they desperately want.

Radicalisation and cult tactics do not rely on facts.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

80K notes · View notes

dsmutp · 3 years ago

Text

Learning Curve (C!Charlie Slimecicle x Reader)

Teaching Charlie was a delight.

When Quackity had put you up to the job, you hadn’t been too sure about it. Teaching someone how to be human (whatever that entailed) seemed like more than you had signed up for when you had become a resident of Las Nevadas - just imagining long hours of helping someone learn the intricacies of human life made your head ache. But Quackity had insisted, and you really had nothing better to do.

Three months into the job though, and you were quite attached to Charlie.

He was a wonderful student - eager to learn and bright enough that it never took him too long to grasp new concepts (though, as with any student, some things came more naturally than others) - and an even more wonderful friend. It was amazing how a sentient piece of goo (though it was really hard for you to think of him like that anymore) could be more kind and caring than half of the actual people you knew.

You were pleased to say that Charlie had become quite fond of you as well. Though you were only supposed to spend six hours a day with him, oftentimes you wound up just spending your days together, wandering around the unfinished Las Nevadas after you had completed his schooling for the day, talking about whatever crossed your minds. Charlie was always eager to hear stories from your day to day life, and the amount of history he had seen just from being around for that many years never failed to make you gaze at him with wonder.

It wouldn’t have been a stretch to say that he had become your best friend.

You certainly liked him enough - that goofy smile never failed to brighten your mood, even on the worst days, and though the slight fluidity of his skin had been off putting at first, through the amount of daps you shared, you had gotten used to it - come to enjoy it even, something that was uniquely Charlie.

For all his wonderful attributes though, there were still some times that you got a little exasperated with him.

“Nope.” You sighed, watching as his arm bent the wrong way again. “You can’t just bend the joint that way, Charlie, that’s not how bones work.”

“But you said to hit the lever behind me..?” Charlie asked, righting his arm again.

“Right, but with humans, remember, the joints don’t bend all the way around because of the bones.” You reminded him. “Just because your body can bend that way, doesn’t mean mine can.”

Charlie nodded slowly, but the confused look was still hovering in his eyes.

“Do you want to go over joints and movement again?” You asked.

Charlie smiled sheepishly. “Yes please.”

You stepped forward, extending your arms. You had done this exercise a few times before, just to help Charlie learn which body parts worked together and which joints moved in which directions. It was easy for him to forget though - his body didn’t really have limits to movement, being slime - and he had a bad habit of just throwing human joint movements away in exchange for what was the most easy at the time.

Charlie placed his hands on your elbows, and you bent your arms, letting him feel how the joints moved and worked. “See? One way.”

“Right.” Charlie said, nodding now. His hands moved to your shoulders. “But these ones go all the way around?”

You rolled your shoulders, moving the ball joint in a circle. “Correct.”

His hands wandered down to your wrists. “Same as these?”

You rolled your wrists, nodding.

From there, Charlie’s hands found your hips. “But these ones only go forward and backward.”

“For walking.” You said, nodding. “They can go out, a little - nothing too far though.”

Charlie nodded, his eyes wandering over your body innocently. The first few times you had done this with him, you had been a little uncomfortable - it was strange, to be treated like a scientific model, slightly slimy hands running up and down your skin, asking what each of your joints and muscles did. But over time, you had gotten used to it - Charlie was only curious to learn, after all, and you were more than willing to help.

A hand over your crotch startled you, and you broke out of your train of thought, raising an eyebrow at Charlie. He only blinked at you though, saying, “You never said what this part’s for.”

You closed your eyes, steeling yourself. You had known this day would come, eventually - sex was a large part of human life, after all. You didn’t really want to be having ‘the talk’ with a sentient piece of goo that you had come to know and love, but you supposed it had had to come at some point.

“It’s for sex, Charlie.”

Charlie’s eyebrows shot up. “You have a stripper pole on you?”

The comment was so out of place that you couldn’t help but bark out a laugh. “What?”

“A stripper pole.” Charlie repeated. “Like the one in the casino? Quackity said it was for sex-”

“No, no.” You said, cutting him off, still laughing. “Sex organs Charles, for the actual act. They’re part of basic human anatomy - everyone’s got some.”

Charlie’s eyes narrowed as he nodded, and movement under his pants caught your eye - the fabric shifted and pulled until it filled out a little more - like his very skin was reshaping itself to include what you had just told him.

It was then that you realized that Charlie might be the answer to every sexual fantasy you had ever had.

---

It didn’t take much convincing to get Charlie into bed with you.

You had always known that he had had something of a puppy dog crush on you - just from the way that he hung on your every word, even when you weren’t teaching, and followed you around like a little duckling. You had stopped yourself from doing anything about it though, telling yourself that it would be wrong, that he was your student - but those sentiments had faded the more time you had spent together outside of the teaching.

They were completely gone now, as you tossed Charlie’s pants over the side of the bed. Though you were both naked as the day you were born, he was perfectly comfortable, sprawled out on the pillows like he owned the place.

“So, again,” He started. “You want me to put my dick inside you? But not detach it? And thats sex?”

“The basics of it.” You said. “Simple stuff, really. You tell me if you don’t like it though - I don’t know exactly how it’ll feel for you.”

Charlie nodded, arranging his arms underneath his head with a smile. “I am ready to sex.”

You laughed as you straddled his hips, gently wrapping a hand around his cock and aligning it with your hole, just pressing his tip against your entrance. “Promise you’ll tell me to stop if it feels bad, okay? Just because I wanted to try this doesn’t mean you have to suck it up for me.”

“Promise.” Charlie assured you. “I won’t pretend to like it just because you do- hhh.”

You sank down on his cock, reveling at the feeling - there was almost no stretch as he entered you, the slime of his body simply moving like a liquid, filling out your insides completely without having the painful stretch around your entrance. Every nerve ending in you lit up at the contact - the slime filled every space without pushing too far - Charlie’s cock had molded to you completely, hitting all your spots without even trying.

“Wow.” You breathed, placing the palms of your hands on Charlie’s chest. “This is- wow. How’re you feeling Charlie?”

Underneath you, Charlie was in a daze, eyes glazed over as he stared at some point past your shoulder. His mouth moved, but only a long string of syllables came out - more like a moan than any real words.

“Descriptors, love.” You prompted, shifting to place your hands on either side of his face.

Charlie let out a breathy whimper, his hands finding purchase on your hips, squeezing the skin there. “Good.” He said. “Very very good, uh, sort of tingly? And warm? I-I don’t really know words for it…”

You smiled, caressing his hair. “Good.” You said. It was good to know that it felt pleasurable for him - you weren’t quite sure how slime anatomy worked, and if human sex was something that he would enjoy, but now that you knew it felt as good for him as it did for you, you had no intention of holding back.

You began to rock, slowly, rolling your hips over Charlie’s and letting his cock begin to rub against your walls. Charlie’s fingers dug into your hips more as his breathing canted upwards, instinct taking over as he bucked up into you a few times. You welcomed the movement, using the momentum to fuck yourself down on him harder, savoring the feeling of him running over your nerves, lighting you up from the inside.

Charlie let out another whimper, and you leaned down to press a kiss to his lips, still keeping your hands framed gently around his face. Charlie kissed back eagerly, releasing his little whimpers and moans into your mouth now, the hands at your hips moving up to your lower back, holding on for dear life.

“You’re doing so well.” You cooed, feeling that familiar coil begin to tighten in your gut. “You’re a natural, Charlie.”

“Really?” Charlie said, a grin overtaking his features. His slimy complexion really didn’t allow for a blush, but you could see the flushed pride just in his expression.

“Really.” You gasped out as a particularly good thrust made your head spin. Your hands fell from Charlie’s face as you instead buried your face into the crook of his neck with a groan, rolling your hips down with more intensity now, chasing your orgasm. Without the painful stretch in the beginning, you were reaching it so much more quickly now - though it probably also helped that Charlie’s cock had become a perfect fill for your insides too - leaving no nerve ending spared.

“Mmmm.” Charlie tipped his head back as he moaned, lips pressing together into a thin line. “It feels different now.” He said, voice shaky. “Bigger, I think?” He tried.

“That’s supposed to happen.” You said, speeding up your thrusts, for both your sake and Charlie’s. You were getting to the brink of orgasm now, the pleasure making it’s way all the way down your legs and to your toes. It was only a moment more before you were shaking with it, the rolling of your hips slowing as you rode out your high.

Charlie groaned underneath you, tipping his head back into the pillows as the slime inside you rippled, the sensation making you moan at the strangeness of it. You hadn’t really known what his orgasm was going to look (or feel) like, but you hadn’t been expecting that.

For a moment, you just laid there, head still tucked under Charlie’s jaw as you both caught your breath, just feeling him breathe.

“That was pretty fun.” Charlie said. “It felt weird, but good weird.”

You sat up, rolling off him to sprawl out on the rest of the bed, his cock sliding out as easily as it had gone in. “Glad you liked it.” You said, letting yourself stretch out into a boneless heap. “For your first time ever, you were really good, Charlie.”

Charlie beamed at the praise, and you pressed a kiss to his cheek. You were definitely going to be doing that again.

#charlie slimecicle smut #mcyt smut #mcyt x reader #dream smp smut #dream smp x reader #charlie slimecicle x reader #slimecicle x reader #slimecicle smut #dsmp smut

2K notes · View notes

piecksz · 4 years ago

Text

three’s a crowd | (m)

pairing: reiner x fem!reader x eren

warnings: nsfw, oral sex (female recieving), cuckolding, male masturbation, penetrative sex, voyeurism, slight degredation, slight angst, light mention of drugs, explicit language

summary: reiner’s attempt at hiding his attraction towards you fails, but lucky for him, eren’s feeling generous.

words: 4.6k

a/n: this was so much longer than i planned for.....well.....shit LMAOOO

a/n x2: I FORGOT TO ADD if you guys wanna listen to the song i looped like 47 fucking times while writing this, bc i feel like it fits reiner in this one shot kinda well, u can listen to recognize by partynextdoor (feat. drake) :p enjoy

Reiner hated Eren.

He hadn’t gone into living with someone he’d never met in person before with innumerable expectations, but he wasn’t banking on his roommate to be his polar opposite. He hated the sound of Eren’s riotous music into the early hours of dawn. He hated the unbearable malodor of his marijuana dependence, and he hated the way he carried himself with an intolerable air of arrogance, but as much as Eren’s living habits irritated him, it was the fact that Eren had you that presided over all of his grievances.

Being a witness to it made Reiner sick, knowing that you were leagues above Eren, and surely you deserved someone respectable, but somehow he’d charmed you into a long-term relationship, and Reiner wondered how he’d managed it. If by some miracle it had been up to him, Reiner speculated that he would be a viable match for you--that was if he had those sentiments for you--and he reassured himself he didn’t hold any promiscuous feelings towards his roommate’s girlfriend.

Yet it was hard for Reiner to rationalize the obscene thoughts that pervaded his mind at 2 AM. His clock displayed the time in bold red numbers, an indication that he should have been fast asleep, but you had decided to spend the night, and he already understood what that entailed.

The walls in their apartment were thin and did an insubstantial job of muting the noise that traveled between rooms. Reiner boasted the privilege of having his room right next to Eren’s, which meant he could hear everything that happened on the other side of the barrier. He heard every whimper, every groan, every time Eren praised you for taking him so well, and every time he admired how irresistible you looked while he fucked you from the back. The sound was so lucid he could count exactly how many rounds you guys had gone, and it was usually two, three if Eren hadn’t seen you in a while which was rare.

You two were hard to ignore, no matter how hard Reiner had tried, meaning he was also up late, listening while you two coupled. Your cries of stimulation, however, he didn’t mind as much. In truth, Reiner was always tempted to slip his hands into his pants and get himself off to the sound of your enticing whimpers, but he would discourage himself, deciding it was against his better judgement. Instead he would opt to cover his ears with his pillow, flipping over onto his side and dedicating his total effort to falling asleep.

Of course, Reiner had long established that he didn’t like you, but he swore he could make you feel better than Eren could.

It was around midday when Reiner returned to their apartment after committing his morning to helping his long-time friend, Pieck, pack up the furniture at her studio in preparation to move. They were halfway finished with stowing away Pieck’s belongings before she realized they didn’t have enough boxes and apologized, asking Reiner if he’d be willing to return the following day to help her load up her remaining things. He obliged, guiltily happy that he was being dismissed early.

Reiner kicked off his shoes and ambled into the kitchen to set down the food he secured on his way home, but he paused momentarily to scrutinize the condition of the living room, discerning Eren’s obvious trace.

The TV was on, but it sat idly, blinking images of some prime time movie Reiner couldn’t recognize, and Eren’s drug paraphernalia was left scattered on the coffee table, his bong alongside his stray lighter and grinder.

“Eren!” Reiner had prompted him on several occasions, reminding Eren that just because he thought electricity was a necessary utility and should be free, didn’t mean it was, they still had to pay for it. He also requested that he put his bong away after he was done smoking since it wasn’t permitted in their building, but Eren seemed heedless to that demand too. “Eren!”

Reiner anticipated a response, but huffed when he received only silence. Leave it to his roommate to blight his good mood in record time. He mumbled inaudibly, swiping the remote off the table to turn the TV off, and then reluctantly bending down to tidy the space of Eren’s things.

“Hi, Sunshine. You’re up and about early.”

Reiner straightened himself out and turned around, unaware that you’d been over. He missed your approaching footsteps. Had you stayed the night? He didn’t hear anything from Eren’s room the previous evening which was unusual to say the least. Maybe you’d stopped by earlier that morning while he’d been out.

“Hey,” he replied meekly. “Sorry, I didn’t know you were here.”

Reiner’s eyes looked you over swiftly, slightly startled at the lack of clothing covering your bottom half. You were only wearing a loose shirt that stopped dangerously at your hips and a pair of lace undergarments, but naturally, you didn’t seem the least bit phased. You’d practically lived with them. When you weren’t in class or at your part-time job, you were at their apartment, leading Reiner to wonder if you forgot you had a place of your own.

“It’s fine,” you smiled. “Sorry Eren left all of his shit out. I don’t know how I know the house rules and he doesn’t.”

Reiner snorted. “He knows them, he just doesn’t care.” His voice was casual although he walked hastily into the kitchen to avoid looking at you. He stored Eren’s bong in the vacant cupboard above the microwave before throwing his other tools into a miscellaneous drawer.

As if on cue, Eren wandered out of his room languidly, carelessly shrugging a jacket onto his unclad upper body. Reiner took that as a sign that his lunch would be best enjoyed in his room. He was already irked, and wasn’t in the headspace to deal with the current atmosphere.

“What’d you get?” you questioned, leaning over the counter with mirth. You paid little attention to the way Eren came up behind you, circling his arms around your waist and resting his chin in the curve of your shoulder. You looked more interested in the alluring smells wafting from the paper bag in Reiner’s hand.

Another thing he hated about Eren was his shameless PDA. It appeared he adored showing you off, letting everyone know that you were his, but God--how could anyone forget when it seemed he was incapable of keeping his hands off of you. Reiner himself recognized that you were a prize, from your lively eyes that were a marriage of subtle hues to the way your lips curled upwards when you grinned. He even noticed the curve of your breasts’ shape through your shirt. If Reiner had you, he’d want you all to himself.

He shook the thought out of his head.

“I just got something small on the way home.” He forced a smile. “If I’d known you were over I would have gotten you something too.”

“Why do you treat Y/N better than you treat me?” Eren asked, sounding only a little bit offended.

Reiner pretended to think before he responded. “Ah, maybe it’s because I don’t like you.”

You laughed at Reiner’s reply, and Eren only smiled, but Reiner detected something else behind his expression. Mischief.

“Do you like Y/N?”

Reiner creased his eyebrows together. “Of course.” He hadn’t read too much into the question. He did like you. You weren’t just easy on the eyes, but you were great company too. That was the only reason he didn’t mind lending their apartment to you as a second home, he enjoyed being around you.

You let out an exaggerated aww after he answered. “I like you too, Reiner.”

Reiner chuckled, shaking his head, but inside he was telling his heart to calm down. You didn’t mean it like that.

Eren hummed absentmindedly, swaying side to side slowly while you rocked along to his movement.

“Do you wanna fuck her?”

Reiner gripped the bag in his hand tightly, and his smile faltered in shock, reeling from the bombshell of Eren’s question. “What?” Did he hear him correctly?

You looked just as surprised, exclaiming your boyfriend’s name and craning your neck to look at him.

“I’m kidding,” he dismissed, but Reiner could tell he wasn’t from the way Eren’s eyes didn’t waver from him.

What Reiner didn’t know was that Eren had caught onto him. He’d known for a while, which was why he was particularly touchy with you around Reiner, showing you off, not caring whether you walked around their apartment scarcely dressed, it was because Eren enjoyed having something that someone else wanted. He saw the way his roommate acted around his girlfriend, reserved and quiet, more than he usually was, and he even noticed the way Reiner’s eyes dipped down to your chest in the moment because Eren was exceptional at paying attention to detail.

You must have detected how uncomfortable Reiner felt because you delivered a brief jab to Eren’s ribs with your elbow.

“Eren, that’s not fucking funny,” you chided. “Do I need to put you in time out?”

“It’s fine,” Reiner interrupted quickly. He didn’t want you defending him because you were oblivious. It only made the situation more embarrassing than it already was since, truthfully, the thought had crossed his mind more than once.

Eren reiterated his question, eyes narrowed at Reiner. “So do you?”

You sighed heavily and looked at Reiner apologetically. He could feel his face growing hot, and he prayed it wasn’t obvious he was as flushed as he felt. He just wanted to get out of there as fast as possible.

Reiner released a humourless chuckle. “Grow up, Eren.” He slipped past the two of you, but he didn’t get far.

“I’m only asking because I’m feeling charitable. You wouldn’t mind, would you baby?”

Reiner could hear Eren pressing a series of ticklish kisses against your skin, causing you to laugh through your answer.

“I mean, I wouldn’t mind if Reiner doesn’t mind.”

Reiner brought his teeth down hard on the tip of his tongue. He was surprised that Eren was so secure in his relationship that he would willingly allow another man to have his way with his girlfriend. He wasn’t sure if his suggestion was insane or ingenious, because Eren had taken control of the one thing that threatened any relationship: infidelity, something so unvirtuous wouldn’t stop him from loving you. You and Eren were so committed to each other that a simple fuck meant nothing.

Reiner hesitated, but figured an opportunity like this was rare. He had both Eren’s permission and yours, yet he still didn’t believe his sincerity until you were in Eren’s room, starting to strip out of your clothes.

His chestnut eyes drifted over to Eren, slouched lazily in the chair he casually pulled out from his desk. “You’re gonna watch?”

Eren lifted a thick eyebrow, resting his thumb under his chin with an index finger against his cheek, looking unimpressed by Reiner’s obvious reservations. “You think I’d let you fuck my girlfriend without me here?”

Reiner slid a tense hand over the back of his neck, rubbing away the uncomfortable heat that creeped up his back and diffused to the tips of his ears. He figured that was reasonable considering the circumstances, after all, he was only fucking you because Eren had allowed it.

There was nothing more intoxicating to Reiner than your bare form, scanty pink lace clinging to your hips the only thing preventing you from being completely naked in front of him. His gaze dipped from your simpering smile down to your collarbones and then down to your breasts, perfectly sculpted to your figure.

Reiner made no efforts to move despite his insatiable urge to grab you in his arms and make certain that you were left satisfied. He feared he’d look too eager to Eren who was observing from the sidelines, but you paid little attention to your audience of one as you sauntered towards Reiner, closer and closer, until your arms slid around his neck and you pressed your chest to his torso.

Reiner’s body was strung so tightly, he was afraid he might snap. It seemed you took notice of the way his muscles tensed once your delicate fingers ghosted over the nape of his neck because your suggestive expression waned, and instead, your eyebrows creased with sincere concern.

“You okay?”

He couldn’t respond, but to be fair, it was because his heart was hammering against his chest and he wasn’t sure how to make it stop. He looked over at Eren again, who, fortunately, didn’t seem to pay much attention to him. Instead, your boyfriend’s stare was fixed on your backside, likely admiring how luscious you looked from his perspective.

“I’m over here.” You laughed and pressed a gentle finger to Reiner’s chin, redirecting his focus back to you. “Just relax.”

He swallowed, chuckling to soothe his unease. “I’m trying.”

Reiner wasn’t sure why he felt so unassertive in your presence. He didn’t hold a record like Eren did, but he also wasn't abstinent by any means. This, though, felt different. He was dealing with several months of pent-up sexual frustration that could only be satisfied by you and no one else. He knew because he’d tried.

Reiner drew in a ragged breath as you leaned into him, breathing heavily through his mouth until you closed the space in between you two, then he continued breathing heavily through his nose. At first, he made no efforts to close his eyes, afraid that the imagery in front of him was a mirage inspired by his own imagination and would disappear if he so much as blinked. His lips were timid, body taut under your touch, but you seduced his mouth, reining him in until he melted into the kiss.

He pushed back against you with fervor and desperation, outlining the shape of your bottom lip with his tongue before nipping at the soft flesh. You released a quiet whimper, intensifying the lust swelling in the pit of his stomach, and Reiner forced his tongue past your teeth, claiming your mouth while his wandering hands settled audaciously against your ass.

Your hands slid over his shoulders and crafted biceps until they tugged hastily against the hem of his shirt, and Reiner immediately understood your cue, withdrawing his mouth from yours to give himself just enough time to slip out of it. He dipped down again to deliver another kiss, but he was deterred by the feeling of your palm against his chest.

“What? Is something wrong?” he questioned quickly, eyes darting back and forth between your hand and your face, worried that he’d done something to overstep your boundaries.

Instead of the troubled expression he expected, you looked rather intrigued. Perhaps impressed was the better word. Your curiosity was held by Reiner’s physique, a living work of art. Eager fingers traveled down the built ripples of his abdomen, chuckling once you felt his muscles flex under your touch.

“Jesus Christ,” you breathed. “Nice, Braun.”

A snicker emitted from the corner. This, miraculously, Eren allowed.

Reiner's mouth quirked upward in a subtle smile before he surrounded you with his arm, pulling you in for another kiss. He walked you backwards until you collapsed onto the mattress, and he fell on top of you, strong forearms holding up his weight. It was then that Reiner realized he allowed his lust to win in the war against himself.

He pulled away to recover his breath, winded pants fanning over your face. His surveying eyes searched yours before they lowered to your swollen lips. God, you were even more mesmerizing up close, heavy-lidded and studying him through a curtain of eyelashes. Maybe for once Reiner would admit he was jealous of Eren. He was fucking envious, bitter, and spiteful that you were his. He’d been a goddamn idiot to let things go this far, agreeing to Eren’s offer, because he knew one fuck wouldn’t be enough to fufill his need for you. He’d barely gotten a taste, and he could already promise that nothing would ever compare to this.

He found your throat and pressed a fleeting kiss to your pulse, moving further down until his lips met your collarbone. He nipped at the delicate skin, taking notice of the way your grip in his hair tightened. His eyebrows arched while he peered up at you, delighting in the way your head rolled back and forth against the duvet. He really wanted to suck at your skin, leaving dark bruises that decorated the path from your earlobe down to your breastbone, but he knew Eren would kill him.

Reiner dipped lower until his lips brushed lightly against your beaded nipple. You made a small sound of protest, but held his head closer, letting him know what you really wanted. His heart beat erratically against his ribcage as he curved a large hand around your right breast and suppressed a groan, but you released a breathy whimper.

He could feel the sound wreaking havoc in his brain. His balls were so damn tight, it would take barely any effort for him to cum, but he wanted to prolong your coupling as long as possible. He didn’t know if he’d ever get another chance like this.

His thumb ran over the erect peaks of your breasts, captivated by the magic of watching your back arch and your body become aroused under his touch. He dipped a finger into his mouth, glazing it with his saliva before using it to flick back and forth at your nipple.

“Fuck, Reiner,” you mewled.

Reiner replaced his hand with his lips, sucking the sensitive bud into his mouth. The tip of his tongue swirled around it, coating it generously with his spit, while you made no attempts to conceal your intense cries of pleasure.

Eren released an entertained sigh, swiveling back and forth in his chair. “She whines like a bitch, doesn’t she?”

Shit. Reiner had almost forgotten he was there, but he still released a hungry grunt in agreement, sending vibrations over your chest. He tugged at your nipple with his teeth, releasing it, and then soothing the sting with the flat side of his tongue.

He trailed down your abdomen, pressing hard wet kisses and stopping to leave a quick lick to your navel. He grinned against your skin when you gripped the sheets and breathed his name again, this time quieter, as if you meant it only for his ears. He liked to think so.

Once he reached the waistband of your panties, he licked along the fabric, immobilizing your rolling hips with strong hands.

“Enough with the theatrics, Reiner. Just do it already,” Eren groaned, sounding irate.

Reiner assumed Eren’s groan was only to stress his impatience, but once he looked over to him, he realized he wasn’t just giving directives from the sidelines. His bottom lip was tucked between his teeth, and his hand was moving steadily against the noticeable tent in his sweatpants.

He was enjoying this just as much as Reiner was, getting off to the sight of his girlfriend under another man, his roommate nonetheless.

Reiner suddenly felt strange. What the hell was he doing providing entertainment for Eren?

“Reiner,” your needy voice pulled him out of his reflection. His attention drifted back to you, watching while you propped yourself up on your elbows and slid your unsteady hands over your chest to tweak your own nipples, as if you were trying to hold yourself over.

He wished you hadn’t looked so tempting, even with your disheveled hair and sweaty skin, your vulnerable eyes fixated on him, and he was powerless.

Reiner hooked his fingers around your underwear, kissing a trail down the inside of your thighs as he pulled your panties down to your ankles before slipping them off and letting them pool on the floor.

“Spread wide baby, let him see that pretty pussy,” Eren stirred, cock now thrust out the top of his grey sweats and his swollen tip glistening with precum. His hand was wrapped firmly around his stiff length, moving slow while his breathing quickened.

For once, Reiner agreed with him, and he pressed his fingers into your thighs to aid you in parting your legs. Your pussy was slick with your own arousal, squelching as you tightened around nothing. You were even prettier than he’d imagined.

“Fuck,” Reiner breathed, extending two fingers to part your folds. Was he still sure he wasn’t dreaming?

He wrapped his built arms around your legs, pulled you closer, and lowered his head. He fixed his lips to your swollen clit, allowing his tongue to lap and circle around the tender bud every few seconds.

“Oh my god,” you cried, writhing against the sheets.

If he hadn’t secured your legs in his grip, he was certain you would have smothered him between your thighs out of reflex. He could detect the way you fought against his hold, but he far overpowered you in strength.

When he plunged his tongue inside you without notice, that was nearly enough to send you over the edge. You pulled on the sheets with a frenzied grip, producing a shrill cry your neighbors had certainly heard. There was no doubt about it.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you murmured, chest expanding and falling with labored breaths.

Reiner wanted to spend a few more generous minutes tasting you, he couldn’t get enough, but he also wasn’t sure how much longer he would last. His cock was hot and hard in his pants, and he needed to feel you around him. Even if Eren wouldn’t let him cum inside of you, he needed to experience at least that much.

He rose to his feet, working quickly against his pants’ zipper while trying not to tease himself by looking at you. He was worried the mere sight of you on the bed, spread and ready for him would be enough to bring him to a climax, but he’d made the mistake of looking at you anyways, hand between your legs, delicate fingers rubbing at your clit while you stared up at him.

Fucking hell. Kill me. Reiner thought. Fuck. He felt the throbbing heat of his cock, and he wished you wouldn’t look at him like that. He really wished you wouldn’t look at him like that.

“Look at her, so desperate to be filled. It’s almost pathetic,” Eren laughed, but it was clear he was feeling your effect too. He lolled his head forward, long brown hair spilling over his shoulders and obscuring his face while his palm worked fast against his cock.

Shut up, Reiner thought. His head was growing hazy, and he couldn’t think. He needed to be inside you, and he couldn’t wait a second longer.

Reiner let himself free while his pants and underwear hung low around his knees. He couldn’t even find time to delight in the way your face melted into bliss once you laid eyes on his thick cock, leaking precum in sinful amounts because all he could think about was his ache. He leaned over you, positioning himself at your entrance.

He’d been waiting for this for so goddamn long.

Reiner exhaled when you said his name again, hips undulating against his cock and wet folds stroking his tip. He watched as he pushed himself into you, filling you to the hilt, and once he was inside he hung his head forward, eyes shut tightly in a painful sort of ecstasy.

“You’re so fucking tight,” Reiner grunted breathlessly.

He groaned, pinning your hips down with his once you attempted to fuck yourself onto his cock.

“Stop moving,” he pleaded. “Jesus christ--please don’t move.” He stayed still for a moment, waiting until his sensitivity subsided before he started rocking his hips against you slowly.

Reiner couldn’t dedicate his focus to anything other than the feeling of your slick walls clenching around his cock every time he pulled out, and the way he stretched you out every time he thrusted back in. He wondered if you could feel the depth of his desire.

“Harder,” you whispered once, and then begged louder. “Reiner please, fuck me harder.”

At first, Reiner was worried. He wanted to be gentle, he wanted to savor you, and he wanted to make sure he didn’t hurt you, but your request had him picking up the pace, ramming into you until the familiar slapping sound of sweaty skin filled the room.

You unraveled and became completely undone, letting out loud moans every time he drove his cock into you. Reiner thought the sound was incredibly euphonic as it fell upon his ears. You were like this because of him.

“How’s this?” His voice was husky and deep beside your ear.

Reiner was pleased by your lack of response. You could only nod, overwhelmed by the dual sensation brought on by him and the feeling of your quick fingers against your clit. You secured an arm around his neck again and wrapped your legs around his torso, clinging to him like he was all you needed. He wished that was how you really felt.

“Close…,” you murmured, and Reiner deduced you were warning him that you were near your orgasm. He could tell by the way your walls began to spasm.

Reiner felt the small of his back tighten, and he knew he was close too. He was torn between his release and holding himself back, not ready for this to end just yet, but his body betrayed him and he felt his cock twitch inside you.

Luckily, you reached your climax first, and Reiner watched in awe as your body seized underneath him, breasts bobbing with every jolt while you worked your clit into overstimulation. It wasn’t long after your orgasm that he made his last rueful thrusts. He quickly pulled out and clasped himself in the curve of his hand. He pumped his length until he released in quick spurts onto your stomach, covering you in his hot seed, and he kept pumping until he made sure he emptied himself of every drop.

His eyes quickly darted over to Eren, not to be odd or anything, but again, he had forgotten he was there. It seemed Eren had already satisfied himself. The creamy, white liquid decorating the bare skin of his abdomen and dribbling down his loose fist was evidence of that. Now that he had appeased his urges, he seemed disinterested as he reached over his desk and plucked a few tissues to clean himself up.

Reiner collapsed beside you, listening to the loud thudding of his heart as it delivered a few ecstatic beats while he caught his breath and began to calm down. He stared at the pivoting fan blades, and then his eyes dropped down to you lying next to him, sweaty and fucked out.

You were laying there with him, and goddammit he wanted to reach his arms out and wrap them around you, pulling you close so he could hold you and feel your heartbeat against his chest. He’d press kisses to your salty forehead, and then tell you how much he loved you. He wanted to stay like this.

Reiner's ideal vision dissolved once Eren stopped at the edge of the bed and extended his hand for you to grab.

“You wanna join me for a shower, baby?” Eren asked.

Of course, you took it, allowing him to support you until you were sitting up.

You released an exhausted laugh. “Yes, please.” You then turned to Reiner and arched your eyebrow in surprise. “By the way, not bad, Braun.”

Reiner gave you a small smile in return, but said nothing as he watched you cover your breasts with your arm and let Eren hoist you off the bed. You two slid past him and headed out of the room, but not without Eren looking back over his shoulder, shooting Reiner a shit-eating grin, as though reminding him who you’d always belong to.

3K notes · View notes