#because i hate myself so much more than they do

[janeyseymour]

Save Me Before I Lose Myself- part 1

Summary: save me, before i lose myself- your child is in melissa’s class, and you’re almost always late bringing your kiddo to school and picking them up, aggravating the second grade teacher. that is, until she realizes why.

WC: ~2.55k

If there is one thing that Melissa Schemmenti, second grade teacher at Abbott Elementary, hates, it is parents who drop their kids off or pick them up after the allotted time. So, it’s quite safe to say that you are high up on the list of parents that the fiery redheaded teacher hates.

You’re almost always late taking your sweet little girl to school, which in turn makes you late to work. And because you’re late arriving at your job, you’re usually forced to stay a bit later at your desk job while you get reprimanded by your supervisor for your tardiness. If only those around you who hated your knack for poor timing knew why.

Everyday, you wake up next to your asshole of a wife. Everyday, it’s your job to wake up your daughter, because you know that Carrie is too hungover to do anything with your daughter- much less have the patience to handle the somehow simultaneously exhausted and excitable little one that you are blessed to have as a daughter. Everyday, you drag yourself around the house in the morning, attempting to keep up with the infectious giggles and warm hugs when you so desperately want to lay in bed and not move to prevent the aching in your bones. Everyday, your morning routine of silly tunes and cherished little kid laughs morphs into heartwrenching tears and your daughter begging for just one more hug.

Finally, you ask your little sunshine why she has such big emotions about leaving you to head to school- it’s not like she feels this way about Carrie.

“B-because!” Millie blubbers out. “Because what if I don’t get to see you again? I need momma hugs!”

Your brows furrow, and a slight frown appears on your face as the wrinkle lines in your forehead deepen. “What, baby? Why would you not see me again?”

You watch eyes that match your wife’s flit around, ensuring that Carrie is still asleep and not lurking just around the corner. Millie’s voice drops to a whisper. “Because, Momma, I know Mom’s hurting you.”

You freeze, but you try not to show your daughter that her inkling is one hundred percent true. Your mind and body finally jumpstart after an admittedly too long pause. “Honey, what would make you think that? Momma and Mom are just fine.”

Millie shakes her head adamantly and continues to cling. You allow her to before you know you have to pull away. “My love, we have to get going to school.”

“Don’t wanna,” the seven year old murmurs into the crook of your neck. “Don’t want you to not come back.”

Getting her into Abbott is more of a hassle than it usually is, what with your daughter’s mind swirling. It takes longer than usual for you to get her to the classroom, much less for you to get her to sit down. You don’t miss the glares that the redheaded teacher sends your way as you continue to assure Millie that you’ll always make it back to her. 

As you finally get your little girl to settle in her seat and you make your way to leave the building to just barely make it to your job on time, you hear a voice. A deep voice that doesn’t sound too thrilled with you.

“Y/N?” Melissa calls after you. “I’d like to speak with you for a moment, if you would.” She tells you in such a tone that leaves no room for argument. Almost like a child being marched to the principal’s office, you look down at your shoes as you wait by the door for her. She ensures that all of her students are doing their morning work before leading you into the hall and closing her door so that it’s open just a crack.

“You know, Millie is an incredibly smart little girl, but if she continues to be late to school, she’s going to fall behind academically. I would hate for that to happen,” the redhead tells you sternly. “If she is tardy one more time, I have to start giving her demerits, which is not something I would like to do.”

“I understand,” you sigh softly, refusing to meet her gaze. 

“She should’ve been getting them for weeks now, but I’ve held off,” your daughter’s teacher admits. “If I keep doing that though, I will be in some trouble with administration though.” You nod your head. “I also think that if Millie has such separation anxiety from you, she may benefit from saying goodbye to you at your house and coming to school with your wife.”

You bite your bottom lip. “I- I’m afraid I can’t make that one work,” you mumble.

“And why would that be?” Green eyes dare you to answer.

You know you can’t tell your child’s teacher the truth. You can’t. And if you do, or give even a small, subtle hint towards what’s been happening at home and Carrie catches wind of it, you’re fucked. “It’s just that I’m in charge of pickup and drop off.”

“Y/N,” Melissa says. “If you want to make this transition from home to school easier for your daughter, I really do think-”

“Miss Schemmenti,” you cut her off gently as you hold up a hand. “I really do have to be getting to work.”

“Very well,” the redhead sighs as her eyebrows creep up her forehead. It’s clear you’ve stunned her. “I’ll see you for pickup… on time.”

You just give her what you hope is a convincing nod. You know you won’t be on time, and you’re positive you’re going to be getting another stern talking to later in the day.

You’re forced to stay late after work, being reprimanded by your boss. Your head hangs low as you begin the walk down to your daughter’s school. And then your phone rings, and your wife’s contact lights up your screen.

“Hey,” you say softly.

“Why haven’t you picked up Millie yet?” are the first words out of Carrie’s mouth. No hello, no how are you. Just words practically spit out of her mouth.

“I’m on my way now,” you promise her quietly. “I got caught up at work.”

“Her bitch of a teacher called. Asked if I was coming since you hadn’t. Said Millie is in tears,” your wife tells you with a bite. “Maybe you should start putting more effort into your daughter than your fuckin’ job.”

It takes everything in you to not comment that perhaps it’s her who should try caring about your daughter- both of your daughter. You’ve found it more and more often she only refers to your bright little light as solely yours.

The words “I’m sorry” roll off your tongue for the first time of many today. You promise that you’re on your way to pick her up, and then you’ll be home to make dinner and settle in for the night with Millie.

When you finally get to the front steps of Abbott, you expect to see Melissa staring you down with hatred in her eyes. Instead, she’s sitting on the steps with an arm wrapped around your daughter, and she looks rather lost. Millie is beside herself as she clings to her teacher’s leather jacket. As soon as her eyes set on you, little legs race for you and tackle you in a hug with such a force that you can’t repress the groan in pain that bubbles it’s way out of your body. 

“Hi, baby girl,” you whisper out as you smooth down as many of her flyaways as you can. “Hey, sweet girl.”

Millie just continues to whimper out your name as she clings to your sweater. Only once you feel that you’ve properly greeted your daughter and soothed her worries to the best of your ability do you glance at the teacher still sitting on the front stoop in front of you. The emerald eyes that usually look at you with such distain instead have an inkling of sorrow and sympathy in them.

“Miss Schemmenti, I’m so sorry I’m late,” is all you can get out. “I- I’m sorry.”

She just shakes her head sadly. “No, I’m sorry.”

Your brows furrow. That was probably the last thing you had expected to come out of her mouth. Your head tilts slightly to the side. “I beg your pardon?”

Melissa stands from her place, dusts herself off, and points towards the door. “I think we need to have a conversation in my classroom.”

“I really should be getting Mille home,” you try to protest weakly as you attempt to pry your daughter from your leg. “My wife is waiting for us, and she’s expecting dinner.”

“I’m sure she won’t mind if it’s just a bit later,” the redhead argues. “I really do think it would be best if we had this conversation today. Unless you would rather have your wife present when we speak of the matter?” Melissa knows she’s bluffing- she would never call Carrie in here, but she isn’t a poker champion without her outstanding poker face.

You freeze momentarily. She can’t call Carrie- that would not go over well for you at home tonight. “I- okay,” you agree quietly. “Just let me let her know we’ll be a bit later than she’s expecting.”

Once you’ve gotten in contact with your wife (and she is not thrilled about dinner not being on the table as early as she was expecting), you follow the redhead into the school silently. She takes a seat behind her desk and points towards a desk for you to take a seat at. Then she glances to your daughter. “Mill, why don’t you go make yourself comfortable on the bean bag and pick a good book to-”

“Melissa?” another voice rings out. It’s one that you’re familiar with. Mrs. Howard’s.

“Hey, Barb,” the second grade teacher gives a wave.

“You’re still here?”

“Meeting with a parent.”

Millie’s old kindergarten teacher gets a glance at you. “Hello, Mrs. Howard.”

“Hello, dear,” the warm voice says. “I hope you’ve been well.”

You can’t find the words, so you just nod through a tight lip.

Your daughter’s squeaky voice fills the room. “Mrs. Howard?” Little legs race for the kindergarten teacher.

“Hey, baby,” Barbara greets your daughter. “You’re still here?”

“Momma and Miss Schemmenti have a meeting. I’m reading on the carpet.”

“Well, why don’t you come join Mrs. Howard while they talk about boring grown up things?”

You cut in softly when your daughter lights up at the thought. “I’m sure Mrs. Howard has things to get home to, Millie.”

“Oh, please,” Barbara chuckles. “All I have at home is a husband waiting for dinner. He’ll understand if I’m late because I wanted to spend some time with one of my favorite former students.” She takes your daughter’s hand and leads her out of the room and down the hall. While you feel bad for putting your daughter off on your daughter’s former teacher, you’re entirely unaware of the fact that Melissa had orchestrated that little stunt earlier at lunch today to get you alone. And absolutely willing to help, Barbara agreed.

With your daughter no longer in the presence of the classroom, Melissa turns to you again. “Y/N, I wanted to speak with you about something concerning Millie told me today.”

Your blood runs cold. You know where this is going. Still though, you pretend to be unaware. “And that would be?”

“Well, once Millie calmed down from drop off this morning, I asked her why she always comes into school so upset when she very clearly loves being here once she’s settled in.” You nod along. “She told me that she was worried one day you wouldn’t come back to her.”

“Yes, I’m aware of this,” you tell her. “And we’re working through it.”

“I normally wouldn’t pull a parent into my room for something like that, because it isn’t necessarily uncommon for kiddos her age to have those fears. But-“

“But?”

“But when you were late picking her up, which I normally would hate-”

“I’ll pick her up on time from now on,” you state, fully knowing that you will be getting into so much trouble with your boss. But, Millie comes first, and you can always finish your hours from home if necessary.

“That is also not why I brought you in here,” the teacher tells you. “When you were later than usual, Millie burst into tears. I told her I would call you, but you didn’t answer.”

“I was in a meeting with my boss,” you sigh.

“And then she really went off,” Melissa whispers. “Crying about how you weren’t coming back for her because ‘Mom did it’.”

“I- I don’t know what she could possibly mean by that,” you stammer out.

“I think you do,” Melissa sighs as she runs a nervous hand through her hair. “But, continuing, I called Carrie to ask if she was going to come get your daughter. She- she was not very happy to receive a call from me.”

“I’m aware,” you mumble.

“I gotta say, she was not very pleasant,” your daughter’s second grade teacher says. “Definitely the opposite of you. Told me to go to hell for even insinuating that she would come get your daughter.”

“I’m sorry,” you mutter. “She- she’s- I’m sorry.”

“That’s not the most concerning part about all of this,” Melissa sighs out. She bites her bottom lip. “When I asked Millie if everything was okay at home… If I thought she was crying before, damn.” You can’t find it in you to say anything in response, so you stay silent. “Millie told me that Carrie hurts you. That she’s always terrified of leaving you and then you not coming back because she’s killed you- that’s what she meant when she said ‘Mom did it’.”

“You’ve- you’ve met my little girl,” you say as evenly as you can, even attempting a chuckle. You refuse to meet the redhead’s eyes. “She’s got quite the imagination on her.”

“Millie told me that she hears the two of you late at night, when you think she’s asleep. She knows what’s happening, or at least thinks she knows.”

“We’ll- I’ll have a conversation with her tonight about how her mother and I are fine- that nothing is-”

“Y/N,” Melissa cuts you off. “I’m going to ask you, just this once, is Carrie abusing you?” The way that the woman in front of you asks the question tells you she already knows the answer. 

You freeze in the chair you’re sitting in. Your right legs stops bouncing, you stop twiddling your thumbs, you even stop breathing for a few seconds. You weigh your options: fold and tell her that things are… rocky (an understatement) between you and your wife but assure her that Millie is fine, or run.

You don’t get to make a decision, because before you know it, Millie is racing into the room, Barbara Howard not far behind. And your little girl yanks off your sweater to reveal a canvas of purple, yellow, and green going up your arms. And in that moment, you know… you’re fucked.

Part 2

tags:  (and let me know if you want to be included!): @schemmentis @thesapphictimelady @marvel210 @itisdoctortoyousir @morgana-larkin @doesthatsuggestanythingtoyou @marvels--slut @gwennybriggs @megamultifandomtrashposts @lemz378 @http-sam @melissaschemmentisbranzino @imaginesmultifandoms @sexysapphicshopowner @lilfartbox1 @maybe-a-humanbean @imlike-so-gaydude @a-queen-and-her-throne @notinmyvocab @melanielaufeyson @dvrkhcld @cosmichymns @sasheemo @m1lflov3rrr @ricejucie @temilyrights

[bengiyo]

Love in the Big City Part 1: It's Gay

We’ve finally made it to the Love in the Big City TV adaptation. Despite all the drama going on around this show’s release, we got the whole show at once. We won’t get canceled midway through. Though I hoped for a global weekly release schedule, I understand the decisions that led to dropping the whole thing at once. Thankfully, Nam Yoon Su is so charismatic as Go Yeong, and I have much to say about how this show doesn’t hate BL, has great regard for the humanity of its characters, and so far is one of the better adaptations I’ve experienced in my life. 

Nam Yoon Su’s Go Yeong

I just want to state plainly that I love how queer Go Yeong feels in this show. I love his pissy little expressions. I love his frustration and anger at gross straight men. I love his gay little run. I love his dancing in the street to girl pop artists. I love him making out with men in public. 

I loved opening with Yeong in the midst of a new fling and openly having lots of sex before the military boyfriend came back home. I loved Yeong ending things before later going to a club to seek new partners. We haven’t had that in so long, with Queer as Folk being the biggest cultural memory for many. 

More than anything, I love how lonely he felt. Many others have noted it in the tag, and I think that’s the part that resonates when something feels queer for a lot of us. It was notable that they brought Yeong’s friends forward this time, which gives us insight into the shallow nature of most of his relationships. His connection to them is through the club, music, and boys. Go Yeong keeps everyone at a distance. It’s the hardest part about being queer sometimes. You try to connect with others, but something always seems to come up to prevent that closeness. 

Kim Nam-Gyu

I think casting Kwon Hyuk as Kim Nam Gyu was such an excellent decision. He previously played my man Jong Chan in The New Employee, and it feels like a nod from this production that they are not opposed to BL. BL is a drama full of romance tropes and huge optimism about relationships, and they cast the actor who played my favorite version of the ideal man in a way that showed empathy for his lonely, quiet nature. Casting Kwon Hyuk feels like a tactful way for this show to say, “We’re not BL, and we respect the work others are doing.” The New Employee was directed by a Korean gay activist, and I love this show giving K-BL a polite nod.

Nam Gyu is a quiet gay. As one myself, I get a lot of what I saw in Nam Gyu. He takes pictures of hot models because it’s a socially acceptable way for him to be close to hot men. He leaps at the chance to be with Go Yeong, and speed runs the intimacy route. He missed that he was smothering Go Yeong, and I think it’s because it’s clear he lacks friends.

I feel so sad for Nam Gyu, because it’s clear he overinvested in his relationship with Go Yeong. He was so ready to give Go Yeong everything, but it was way too much for a club gay. Despite all the ways he rushed in (like a fool), he was otherwise so safe in his life. He stayed in the lines everywhere, and it’s so tragic that he died while speeding. 

I thought a lot about the lack of Kylie in this section and the health scare, and it adds a layer to the situation with Nam Gyu as @twig-tea pointed out in one of our conversations that Go Yeong asked how he died because he might already know his status. Did Go Yeong wonder if he’d infected Nam Gyu? It also makes me wonder about the sex we didn’t see with Nam Gyu and IG guy. 

Finally, the empty funeral hurts me to my core. This man was so decent, and no one was there to see him off. I am still thinking about how all of the breakups mirrored each other in this section.

Choi Mi Ae

I think @lurkingshan already covered Mi Ae in this adaptation very well. I’ve been thinking about her for a few days, and I’ve decided that I like that we get to see more of her outside of Yeong’s POV in the show. We can see how her circumstances rattled her, and how it was clear that she couldn’t make it on her own long term. 

I get her taking the cushy job. I get her finding a nice enough guy who didn’t want kids. I get her choosing to protect herself when cornered. The most tragic thing about her outing of Yeong is that she told the truth and it only seemed to make things worse. Jonho could never understand the solace she and Go Yeong found in each other, and he was not ready to ever hear the truth of Mi Ae’s life. 

I feel more sympathy for Mi Ae in this version because we can see that their relationship meant so much to her. Learning that he actually went on to become a writer touched her because it feels like he’ll immortalize a time in their lives that was mutually important to them. It also means that one of them may not have to settle for the choices available to them. The singing at the wedding hits so painfully here because it’s the last fun memory these two will ever have. Yeong goes back to the apartment Mi Ae left for him to eat the last of their blueberries, and that’s the last we’ll see of her.

Final Thoughts

I’m so relieved that we have book club discussion again. I’ll be reading and reblogging people’s posts, and I’m looking forward to the next part to see how Hyung fits into the show’s narrative. This adaptation has been so beautiful so far, and it’s been really great to see how the show has softened some of its edges by putting us in third person perspective. We are giving room to understand Mi Ae, Nam Gyu, and the T-aras by not seeing them exclusively through Yeong’s eyes.

[pandora-writes-one-piece]

Feliz aniversário (hope thats correct) 😁🎂

If you don't mind maybe you could do "What if I kissed you right now? Would you stop me" with ⚔️ and a fem!reader please? Doesn't have to be nsfw.

Anon, that was perfect portuguese! Thank you so much for the birthday wishes! ❤️❤️ I know you said that it doesn't have to be NSFW, but it kind of turned out VERY NSFW... 😶 I hope that's still okay and I hope you enjoy it! I know I say this about all the stories, but damn did I have a lot of fun with this one!

I found the Zoro pic on Pinterest and couldn't find the artist. If you know it, please tell me so I can give credit! 🙏

Menace

Word Count: 5586

Tags: Fem!Reader; Rough Sex; Hate Sex; Enemies to Friends with Benefits; Edging; Power Dynamics; Spanking; NSFW; MDNI; Cursing; Alternate Universe - Modern Day College;

Special Warning: English is not my first language, I apologise for any possible spelling or grammar mistakes.

Summary: Your fraternity house, The Straw Hats, is hosting an auction to raise money for charity. The pleasure of your company has just been bought by the most insufferable man on campus, Roronoa Zoro. You've known him since you were kids, hated him for just as long, and now you're his for the night.

Notes: Yeah I can't take it... I was going to post this tomorrow but I'm terrible. I cannot hold on to a finished fic for more than half an hour. Should I post everyday? Maybe not, but, hey, let's break all the rules 🤯 I post and you all read whenever you got the time! How about that? 😅 I hope you enjoy this! ❤️

|Masterlist|

“Why do you hate Zoro so much?” Nami casually downs her –second? Third?– serving of vodka and doesn't even wince at the burn. 

“It's complicated.” You take a small sip of your second refill and stop trying to keep up with Nami, or you'll be drunk before the auction even begins. 

“Try me!” She challenges you with a grin and pours another drink on her red cup. 

With a heavy sigh, you roll your eyes almost to the back of your head. “We go way back. Mihawk was my neighbour, and Perona used to be my babysitter, so I played with Zoro all the time, and he was always an insufferable prick. I just can't stand him.” Clenching your teeth, you forget about your self-imposed rule of slowing down and drink the contents of your cup in one long gulp. 

You regret it immediately. 

“Damn, that burns.”

“That's it?” Nami scoffs. “How anticlimactic.”

“What did you expect?” Setting the cup aside, you raise your brow while scanning the crowd. The party is finally picking up speed. 

“I don't know. Anything is more interesting than that. That doesn't even make sense! A lover's quarrel, a con gone wrong, you broke his favourite toy as a kid… anything!”

With a pout, you take offence at Nami's words and mumble between your teeth. “I still have a right to hate his guts. We're just not compatible.”

Nami empties her cup again and shrugs. “Weirdo! Well, looks like the party is filling up, let's take our place on the stage!”

The groan that leaves your lips sounds like it came from the depths of hell. Damn it, you really didn't want to do this tonight. But you still follow Nami through the raging crowd and up the rickety steps of the impromptu stage –the kitchen and the living-room table lined up into an unstable surface – your irritation mounting up more and more. “Remind me why we're doing this again?” You ask through gritted teeth. 

“It's a charity auction! For those kids with congenital diseases in Punk Hazard. It's an awesome cause, come on. You can bear this.”

Usopp takes ‘the stage’ and starts tapping the mic, a frown on his lips. “Oi, Franky, this is not working.”

“Yes, yes.” You continue. “I'm sure I can bear subjecting myself to be sold at an auction because ‘it's for charity’!” You say with varying degrees of eye-rolling. “Hey, Robin.” You greet the arriving girl. “Nami set you up for this too?”

Robin smiles at you with her sweet, beautiful smile. “She didn't have to. It's for charity! And you're not selling yourself, it's the pleasure of your company.”

Nami laughs and you groan. “You two are too good for this world.”

“Ah, yes, perfect! Thank you, Franky!” Usopp finally manages to get the mic to work, and the crowd starts to gather in front of the stage. The Straw Hats frat house, which you are a member of, is not big, but it's not that small either. You guys started small, didn't even make it to ten original members, but Luffy made such a name for himself that now, people rush all over campus just to join. “Welcome, welcome to the charity auction for… for…”

“The kids, dumbass!” Nami growls and hits him in the head. 

“The kids! So, it has come to our attention that we were being–...” Usopp takes out a cue card from his pocket. “Misogynistic pigs.” He quotes with his fingers and sets the card aside. “Because we only had a line up of ladies up for auction.”

A chorus of boos fills the space, and you chuckle as Usopp starts to sweat. “Buuuuut, we fixed that! So, today, we will host an all-gender auction with the original members of the Straw Hats.” A loud cheer erupted, and you could've sworn the foundations of the very house shook. “And some extras.” Usopp adds with a grin and gives the crowd more time to get excited. 

“Get your berries ready for: Nami–” The crowd cheers and wolf-whistles and you can hear Sanji threatening every man that dares look at Nami the wrong way. “Franky!” The woos are so loud that you almost have to cover your ears. “Robin, Luffy and his brothers, and yes, ladies and germs, they do come as a package, so bid high, Sanji, me–” He stops to hear the cheers but only Kaya, Usopp’s girlfriend, gives him a loud wolf-whistle. “Our rookie/mascot Chopper and our own lovely girl.” He says your name and you're surprised to hear some catcalls as well. 

Wait, no Zoro? He managed to bail out of charity? How? 

“Nami, did the asshole get lost on the way here? Or you didn't sign him up for this?” You ask, curious. 

“Damn Zoro! He owes me so much money that I thought I could convince him to do this, but he had one favour to call, one measly favour! And he used it.” She seems genuinely pissed, and now you share the sentiment. Why didn't you have a favour to call? 

But then the auction starts, and the bidding for Nami goes crazy. Sanji wants to deck every guy that even dares to bid, so he ends up being the winner. No surprise there, he's been in love with Nami since they met. Robin’s bidding is pretty tame because she looks a bit intimidating, but Trafalgar Law, the med student, wins, and you smirk. You've been trying to set those two up for ages. Luffy's bidding goes crazy because Boa Hancock only wants to bid for Luffy, she says she doesn't want to babysit the two morons, but she manages to convince another two girls to bid with her, and they take home “the prize”

When your turn finally arrives, you sigh, wishing against all hope that whoever bids for you is not an asshole and that you manage to share some good conversation. 

The bids start small, like all night. The highest they went was 3,000 berries for Luffy –and the two morons– so if you make it to 1,000, you'll be happy to have contributed! You notice that rival frat boy Rob Lucci keeps bidding and eyeing you weirdly. Your stomach churns a little bit at the prospect of having to spend time with him, since you just rejected his date invitation last week. Seems like he didn't give up. 

“2,000 berries.” A gruff, familiar voice shakes your thoughts, making your heart pound. In anger. Obviously. 

It's freaking Zoro. Why the hell is he bidding for your company? Other than the fact that you hate each other, you live in the same house –hell, you live across from each other. 

Rob Lucci grunts and raises his arm. “3,000 berries.” What? That's how much Luffy and his brothers got. What's going on? 

“The fuck? 5,000 berries.” Zoro growls at Usopp as he approaches the stage. “And you better bang that damn hammer down, Usopp.”

You stare at Zoro, eyes wide and mouth open. Did he really just bid 5k for a night with you?

“It's a gavel…” Usopp starts and Zoro narrows his eyes at him. “Sold!”

-*-

What the fuck did he just do? Zoro wants to blame his lack of judgement on the booze, but he barely just made it to the party, he only had one beer. He hates you. He can't stand your insufferable ass. So why did he bid that much money on your company? 

Just to make her night miserable. 

He's trying to convince himself, but in reality, he couldn't stand the way the fuckers in the crowd were talking about you. About what they would do if they got your company, about what they would try to accomplish for a chance with you. 

That shit had made his blood boil and, suddenly, he couldn't stand the thought of any man being in your company. 

And then that fucker Lucci made his bid. And there was no fucking way he would get his hands on you, not if Zoro could help it. He’s a fucking creep. 

But damn. The look of incredulity on your face is driving him crazy. The way your brows raise, making your eyes shine brighter. The way your perfect lips curve downward in disappointment? Zoro snickers. Well, at least his stupidity managed to make you mad! 

“5,000 berries, Zoro?” The way your dress hugs your curves perfectly is doing things to him that he wishes to ignore. He hates your guts. You’re insufferable and annoying. And when you were little, you were such a menace to all of his toys and play swords, always breaking things and taking them out of place. He couldn't stand you! But that doesn't mean he doesn't have eyes on his face. You are stunning as hell. And your body always managed to burn desire into his veins. 

“And I would've paid more just to see that annoyed look on your face, Menace.” The way you purse your lips in rage is satisfying in more ways than one. “Now I can ruin your night. Look at how much fun that's going to be.”

“Fuck this. I'm out.” You turn your back on him, and he grunts, taking a step forward and grabbing your wrist. You stop suddenly, shaken by the same thing as him, for sure. The way a jolt of electricity burns through his veins, making his heart skip a damn beat. Shit. 

“You can't just say you're out. I paid for you.” Just ignore it. 

“Correction, asshole, you paid for my company, but, for you, my company is worth ten times more than that!” You jerk your arm away from him, and he seethes when you leave with stamping feet. But he doesn't follow you yet, especially because, by the way your hips are swaying, he much rather stay in this spot and take it all in. 

Damn it. He fucking loathes you. 

-*-

The fucking nerve! How could he? Damn Zoro! Came out of nowhere just to ruin your night. As if you'd spend your night hanging with him! Doesn't matter if he looks damn hot in his fitted dress shirt and jeans. Who cares? He's an asshole. 

Crap, you need a drink. 

You take a turn in the hallway to get back to the party instead of running away, as you were going to do, and run face-first into Rob fucking Lucci. 

“Hello, Doll.” He drawls out, and you grimace. The fuck? “All alone? Where's your buyer?”

A frown paints your lips at his lazy insult. Buyer? As if someone could own you. 

“Hi Lucci, I don't know, frankly, don't even care. Bye.” You shrug and move to pass by him and return to the party, but he blocks your way with his towering frame, a predatory smile haunting his lips as an unwilling shiver courses through your veins. 

“Leaving so soon?” Lucci takes a step towards you and you back off. “Stay a while, Doll, we can have fun.” Alarm bells sound in your head as you frantically look around and take another step back, hitting the wall. 

“I don't think so, Lucci. I'm going.” With a deep breath, you try to move past him, but he places one hand on your chest, above your breasts, and pushes you against the wall with a thud. 

“Is it money you want? Roronoa dropped 5k, but I wasn't willing to give more for charity.” His hand climbs until it's pressuring your neck, and you start to panic. The other hand slips beneath the strap of your dress and pulls on it until it breaks, almost revealing your breast. You open your mouth to scream, but he covers it. “I can give 5k just for you, if that's what you want. To be treated like a little whore.”

He barely finishes the word before a fist comes flying out of nowhere and decks him right on the nose. He grunts and falls down, freeing you in the process, and you gasp as you stare at Zoro's angry scowl. He's baring his teeth, body still angled from the force of the blow, heavy breaths making his shoulders heave. 

“The fuck did you just call her, you fucking asshole?” Zoro takes another step towards Lucci –who's bleeding from his nose and curling down on the floor– and kicks him in the stomach. “Better get the fuck out of my sight before I break more than your fucking nose.”

And to your surprise, he does. He gets up with a string of curses and just leaves. You're still leaning against the wall, a hand on your neck, soothing the pain from Lucci’s grip, and staring at Zoro. He defended you. He hates you. 

“You cool?” Zoro turns to you, an indecipherable expression on his face. 

“I'm fine.” You utter. Maybe you should thank him. 

“Next time don't indulge him.” He says with so much disdain that your shock wears off completely. 

“Excuse me? Indulge him? He fucking cornered me! And I didn't need your fucking help!” You take a step in Zoro's direction but quickly take another step back when he does the same to you, anger flaring in his eyes. 

“Didn't you, really?” He laughs right in your face, and his breath is warm and smells of alcohol and forbidden things. “The fuck is this, then?” He grabs the loose strap of your dress, and the smallest touch of his fingertips against your bare skin is enough to set it on fire. 

“I… It’s…”

“Just say thank you, Menace. It's not that hard! It's two fucking words.” He slams his hand against the wall beside your face. This close, you can almost feel the body heat coming from his chest, which he now has out for everyone to see since he unbuttoned half of his shirt. 

He's right. You should thank him. But it's a weakness you don't want to show him. 

“You want me to say two words?” He hums low and you can almost feel the vibration coming from his chest. You lean forward, your face mere inches from his, hatred burning so hot and fierce in your body that you can't even differentiate it from the desire you know you also feel, even if it kills you to admit it. Licking your lips, and rejoicing in the way his eye darts to them, you say with contempt, “Make. Me.”

You can almost sense the heat rising with the words you spoke. The tension crackles and burns, coiling around your bodies like a lithe snake. 

“You're fucking testing me right now.” His words burn straight into your core. How can you hate and, at the same time, want him so much? 

“All talk, no action, right? I'm familiar with your type.”

His smirk seems deranged, and damn if that doesn't make your panties soak. 

“What if I kissed you right now, Menace, would you stop me?” The velvet in his words almost makes your head spin. Would you? Stop him? Your eyes drop to his mouth, and you bite your lower lip in anticipation. 

Probably not. 

But he doesn't even let you answer, his smirk disappears as his eyes linger on your lips again. For a moment, you think he's going to do it, but then he leans back and lets out a dry laugh, scratching the back of his neck. 

“Got ya.”

Shit. You feel really dumb right now. You really thought he was going to kiss you. 

This is a very dangerous game you're playing right now. And you're done. “Thank you, for helping me.” You let out, slowly, before you push him and return to the party. 

-*-

“You're hiding from me, Menace. I paid for your company. Humour me.”

You did spend the last hour trying to avoid Zoro, because something stirred within you since he decked fucking Rob Lucci for your honour. As if you were a freaking damsel in distress. Fuck hormones, fuck primal desire for strong men, fuck fairytale movies, and fuck romance books. 

But in reality, all you really want is to fuck Roronoa Zoro. 

And that right there is why you need to stay the hell away from him. Because he's an asshole and you hate him. “Why do you hate Zoro?” Nami's words have been resounding in your head for the last hour and, frankly, you don't even know. It's just one of those certain things in life, like the sun rising and setting every day. The sun rises, you hate Zoro, the sun sets, you still hate Zoro. 

But why? 

“Well, I understand your need for my company, I'm great. But I realised that I get the short end of the stick in this deal. Your company sucks.”

He grins smugly and leans against the same wall you're leaning on. “You can bet that nothing about me is short, Menace.”

The blush that flushes your cheeks is completely involuntary, and you blame it on the solo beer you had one hour ago. You don't want to think about the thing that's not short on Zoro right now, thank you very much. 

“You're forgetting your temper. Your temper’s short.”

“Yet no disbelief about what I'm implying… Interesting.”

You scoff. “I'm actually a ‘I'll believe it when I see it’ kind of gal, but in this case, Roronoa, I'll take your word for it.”

This has got to be the most civil conversation you've had in years, even if it's full of innuendo and little jabs. What's changing? 

“You don't have to.” The red cup freezes on the way to your lips for a moment before you catch your breath. “I mean, I've got you all to myself. I can show you what else is big.”

Is he joking? You turn your face slightly to the side so you can glare at him and that infuriating smirk that usually makes your blood boil with anger is now looking devastatingly striking. 

“Jeez, Menace, wipe that hungry look from your face. I'm talking about my collector’s edition swords.”

Shit.

“Fuck you, Zoro.” 

-*-

The next half-hour is spent in your bathroom, slapping cold water on your face and giving your reflection a freaking pep talk. What the hell is wrong with you today? It's fucking Zoro! Insufferable Zoro! Hateful Zoro! 

Protective Zoro… Hot Zoro… 

The hell! Enough! 

You splash more water on your face, open the door, and abruptly leave your bedroom, only to bump into your second chest of the night. Maybe you should watch where you're going. 

“What are you doing here?” You both say, at the exact same time. “I was in my bathroom.” 

Shit! Zoro's room is across from yours, so it's pretty plausible that he was there. Your eyes search his face, and he looks a bit frazzled. There are still droplets of water around the edges of his hair which makes you wonder if he was doing the same thing as you were. 

But that has to mean that he's been feeling this weird too. 

“What if I kissed you right now? Would you stop me?”

Fuck. 

“God, I can't stand the sight of you, just go away, Zoro!” You say, anger boiling in your veins again, except this time, the anger is directed at yourself. 

“I thought we might have one night of normalcy around here, since I saved your ass from Rob Lucci’s stinking paws twice today! But nooo!” Zoro bares his teeth your way, and this right here, this feeling of hatred you're used to. It feels right. It's normal. You crave it. 

“Leave my ass out of your mouth, Zoro! My ass is just fine as it is!”

Zoro takes a stride forward, trapping you between his body and your bedroom door. 

“Your ass needs some spanking, that's what it needs!” You blush and part your lips in surprise, but you can't hide the hunger in your eyes at his words. His hands slam against the door beside your face and you bite your lip to suppress a very embarrassing moan of need. “You think you can behave like a little brat with me?” Zoro lans forward, his lips brushing your earlobe, and you struggle to breathe. “I just want to fuck that atitude right out of you, Menace.”

You swear your knees turn to jelly. Either that, or the heat pooling in your abdomen has completely leaked through your panties and drained you weak. Fuck, fuck, fuck. You want him. You need him. But you're not going to be easy. 

“I'd like to see you try, asshole.” You sounded convincing in your head, but to your ears, your voice came out so sultry that you might as well have said: oh, please take me mighty Zoro. 

Whatever got you laid right now. 

A dark flash of hunger passes through Zoro's eyes just before he laces his fingers through your hair and tugs hard. You keep your mouth firmly closed because there's no way you're going to easily let him indulge in your wanton moans. But fuck it, that felt good. 

Another second is all it takes before he leans down and takes your lips in his. The kiss is everything but gentle. It's hard, bruising, demanding. Full of hunger and burning flames, consuming everything in its path. He tugs your hair, you dig your nails into his shoulders; he bites your lip, you bite his tongue. It's a battle of wits and wills, and there's no way in hell you're losing this. 

Zoro's hand feels the door until it finds the doorknob and he turns it. Your weight was supported by the door, so you find yourself falling backwards, until Zoro's big hands clasp your ass, lifting you effortlessly from the ground and avoiding your fall. 

Wrapping your legs around his waist, you turn your moan into a rough grunt before it embarrasses you, because Zoro was right. He's not short on anything and his not-short-anything is pressed against your core, throbbing. 

“Fuck.” You mutter, involuntarily as you bite Zoro's lower lip hard, and he enters your bedroom, closing and locking the door behind him. 

“I told you it was big.”

“Fucking showoff.”

He slaps your ass hard, making you gasp. And damn, you want him to do it again. “Language, Menace. Behave.” With a primal grunt that travels straight into your cunt, he slams you against the door, making you wince. Then he sets you down as his hands begin to fumble with the zipper on your dress. But he's impatient and horny, so he just rips it apart. 

“Shit! Asshole, that was one of my favourite dresses.” You admonish him between pants. That was freaking hot. His lips glue themselves to your neck, and he takes a hard bite. 

“Shut up, I'll buy you another one.” Then he starts to remove the shreds of the dress from you. 

“I'd like to know where all this money came from, you broke bastard.” You huff and rip the buttons off his shirt as payback for the dress. 

“Watch it!” He grumbles. But then clothes start flying. His jeans come off, and so does your bra. He doesn't give a shit about the way he rips your panties, and you just yank his briefs out of the way as well. Fuck it. You really got the long and thick end of the stick. 

“That's not going to fit.” You mumble, eyes wide and chest heaving. 

“Afraid, Menace?” He gloats with a hint of pride, and you scoff at him. 

“As if.” And then you're all over each other again. Teeth clacking against each other, lips bruising, and nails scratching. It's primal and raw, and everything you could want or need at this moment. 

With a swift movement, Zoro lifts you up mid-kiss and sends you flying into the middle of the bed. Your body may be bouncing on the bed, but your heart is hammering away in your chest. 

“Get on all fours.” He commands as he opens drawers, looking for a condom. 

“There.” You point at the dresser, and he follows your directions. “And fuck you. I don't take your orders.” You growl. 

Zoro grabs a condom from the drawer and paces to you in all his naked glory. The unhinged smirk on his lips both sends a cold shiver down your spine and feeds the burning flame in your core. 

He kneels on the bed next to you and flips you over as if you weighed nothing, manhandling you into the position he wants. You let out a yelp as your face gets buried against the pillows. Then his hands grab your hips and pull your ass into the air, leaving you bare and exposed for him. 

“Ass up, Menace. I want to take a good look at you.”

A rush of heat courses through your body and flushes your cheeks as you use your elbows to try to rise into a less undignified position, but Zoro grabs your arms and pins them behind your back. Then he lays out a good slap on your buttcheek, and you cry out in surprise. 

“I'm going to spank the little brat out of you in no time. I've had it with your attitude.” He growls, leaning over your back, and you can already feel slick coating your thighs. But you'll be damned if you're going to lose this unspoken battle of wits. 

“Do your worst, asshole.”

Zoro chuckles low and lands another slap on the other side. He doesn't ease the sting, he just lets it burn on the skin, but this time you don't make another sound other than your heavy breathing. 

“Look at you, all wet for me already. Aren't you a needy little thing? Pretending you don't want me, and now, look at you.” Zoro places two fingers inside your slit, and they slide right in. It feels so good you just want to explode. 

You force your eyes closed as you bite down on the pillow, trying to stifle your moans. You're not going to give him the satisfaction. 

“I know you want me. I know you're loving this, Menace. Look at how well you take my fingers.” He inserts a third finger, and you shudder. A rippling cry threatens to escape you, but you clamp it down tight. 

“You like this, don't you? You're just being too fucking stubborn to admit. But I've got all night, Menace. I can play with you. And once I'm finished, you'll be as docile as a little bunny.”

Zoro strokes your clit and circles it languorously. You're so wet that the squelches your pussy makes are embarrassingly unholy. Can you come without moaning loudly? Can you contain yourself? 

“Oh, God, fuck!” Zoro's tongue feels like nothing else. It's hot and long, and it curves just right as it enters you at the same time as he pinches your swollen nub. You almost unravel just from that. 

“There's no God here, little Menace. It's all me.” He speaks to your cunt, and you can't help another shudder and groan. Fuck it, you're about to come, and you don't care if you're going to moan your heart out. 

“I'm… almost…”

A ragged breath parts your lips before you drown it with a heavy groan and a curse. Zoro stops. 

“What the hell, Zoro?”

He turns you onto your back with a rough shove and stares at you with the biggest fucking shit-eating grin you've ever seen. 

“I want to hear you beg for release.” 

“Fuck you.” 

“I am.” Zoro bends your legs and places the tip of his cock at your entrance, teasing you, taunting you. God, you want him inside you so badly. “Is this what you want?”

“Shit, yes, Zoro, just put it in.” Banging your fists in frustration against the bed only makes him smirk harder. 

“Make. Me.” He mimics your words from before, and you grit your teeth. The fucking asshole. Then you free your legs from his hold, grab his shoulders, and pull him down so you can take his lips in a bruising kiss, yanking his hair in the process and hooking your legs around his waist. 

With a movement of your hand, you align his tip with your hole, but as you're about to push your body against his, he places his hands on your hips and stills you, still taking your tongue against his mouth until you back away, gasping for air. 

“Fuck, Zoro!” You say, frustrated, and just as you're about to let out another string of curses, he thrusts all the way in, bottoming out and stealing all the air from your lungs. 

Your head falls back in abandon, and the first wanton moan escapes you unwillingly as your cunt fights to stretch and accommodate his size. 

“Menace! What the fuck. That fucking pretty noise. I want to hear it again.” His voice rings low and clipped. He's breathing hard, and his digits bruise the flesh of your hips. He thrusts again, but you keep your lips sealed, even though it's the best feeling in the whole world and you've never felt this full. “Moan for me. Break apart, little Menace. I'm going to fucking ruin you.”

He thrusts again and again and again. His hands grope and squeeze, and then they abuse your nipples, pinching and flicking and bringing you near insanity. You're there. Right there. You just need another–... 

“No! Zoro! Shit!” Tears threaten to spill from the corner of your eyes as he stops once again, right when you're on the verge of climax. 

“Beg.”

“Fuck off.”

Zoro leans you to the side and slaps your ass again, making you curl your toes. “Beg.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

A whimper, the smallest of noises, leaves your mouth as you squirm under his hold. He's all the way inside you, but he's not moving. And it's torture. 

“Please…” You let out without looking him in the eyes. 

“Please what, Menace? I can't hear you.” He pulls out and fills you again, slowly, so, so slowly. “Have you lost all the fight in you?” 

“Fuck me, Zoro! Fuck me hard. Make me come, I need to come, please!” A litany of prayers and pleas leave your lips, and Zoro's smirk is smug, but there's a hint of something in his eyes very similar to warmth that you don't quite want to acknowledge. 

“That's my good girl.” He pulls you higher, hooking his hands under your ass and lifting it so he can fuck you with the perfect angle to hit your G-spot. And fuck it if he doesn't get it right as he resumes his thrusts. Two hard thrusts are all it takes before you lose yourself. 

Your thighs clench around him as you grip the sheets hard. A mountain of pleasure releases its avalanche upon you, and you moan and mewl without care or bother. Fuck it, you can beg Zoro all night if he makes you feel this good. 

“That's it, pretty girl. Let it all out for me.” Zoro rambles and picks up his brutal pace, flipping you over and raising your ass in the air again. Your brain is too addled and hazed to comprehend what's going on, and the ease with which he manhandles you makes you dizzy. “I want to hear it again.” 

He grunts as he pounds relentlessly into you, bruising your cervix and slapping your aching ass again. 

“Zoro! Yes, harder!” You can feel sweat in the palms of Zoro's hand as he slides one up your back, threading his fingers through your hair and pulling you toward him. His other hand finds your oversensitive clit, and he pinches, making you come again and again. It's a relentless torrent of pleasure that makes you cry out his name between pants and moans. 

You barely notice as Zoro clamps down his teeth against your shoulder and shudders into his own release, squeezing you against him. Your bodies slick with sweat and limp with exhaustion. 

As you fall forward, struggling to regain your breath, Zoro gets up to rid himself of the used condom and opens your mini fridge, bringing a water bottle with him. He hands it to you before lying down with a sigh. 

What the fuck just happened?

“That was a good fuck, Menace.” He admits with another shit-eating grin. Hell yes, it was. He hit spots you didn't even know were possible to hit. You felt pleasure like never before, and damn it all, you might  be addicted with just the first hit of the drug that's Roronoa Zoro. 

“Shit, Zoro. If I knew you were this damn good, we could've been doing this for a while.”

He chuckles, and you laugh. This might be the first time you both shared a real laugh since you were kids. 

“Are you up for round two?” He asks, and you glance down. Sure enough, his monstrous cock is already saluting you in all its glory. 

“Hell yeah. You did pay for my company, Roronoa.”

What changed? Maybe you, maybe him? You can't be quite sure. But maybe it's not quite hate you feel about him at this moment. Because hate burns, but what you two have melts. It's deeper than that. 

And this time around, Zoro takes time to soothe the bruised skin of your hips with a little caress. He kisses the red welts he left on your ass cheeks, and his thrusts are less bruising and demanding.

What changed? 

Your feelings. That's what it was. 

Fuck.

Tag List: @rosidaze @beachaddict48 @armiliadawn @jintaka-hane @sprinkklz @baby5555 @hopelesslover06 @mars-mizuko @sleepykittycx @nerium-lil @eustasscapitankid @ren-ni @jqperi @lycoriskalmia @walmartmihawk

[3liza]

are there any meds organizers/pill boxes that are

1. larger than a blush compact

3. have multiple compartments (more than 6)

4. not plastic

5. not ugly

i take about 10-20 pills a day. some of them are enormous, like big vitamins. many of them are as-needed and not daily or scheduled, so weekly organizers are NOT a good solution for me

i don't like distributing those pills into weekly organizer caddies for many reasons, the most important one being that I will just not do it because i don't want to. i find the process odious and difficult even though it's fast and easy. i suspect there is something about the executive function requirements that make doing that task difficult for the same reason I find mailing packages to be like performing a quadrille. i suspect this is due to medical issues relating to my brain

i want to have compartments, but NOT daily compartments. i want to dump all my vitamin b pills into compartment 1, and all my vitamin c pills into compartment 2, and all my Adderall into compartment 3, and so on. because I don't always need or want to take every type of pill I have, most of my medication is "as needed" and this doesn't work for weekly organizers. i have used weekly organizers to just hold different types of pills in each compartment and this works but it's annoying to deal with the days of the week labeling, and the organizers are ugly.

I currently have all my "usually have to take every day" pills which are mostly very small prescription pills in a set of three metal containers that are not ugly. there are 2 traditional "pill boxes" as seen in the 20th century to go in a lady's purse.

and then one Altoids tin that just has everything in it that wouldn't fit in the smaller boxes. and then dozens of bottles of larger pills in the kitchen.

so I have three boxes of pills I have to carry around from room to room all day. i don't like this. and I don't like how there are three separate boxes. i also don't like how everything bigger than this that I can find is made of plastic. and I don't like how the latches aren't secure enough to tolerate being occasionally dropped on the ground. what I want is the same form factor of the tiny pill boxes I have now, but 5x bigger. the weekly caddies are big enough but they're ugly.

i need like. a Mancala board with a secure lid:

they do make Mancala boards that fold shut. however that's still only six compartments. i need the Mancala board to have more pits in it and then it would be perfect. there are variations of Mancala with dozens of pits but they're too rare for me to be able to find the boards on ebay

wait what the fuck

also i DONT want one of these, they're not a good form factor for my use case:

I'm thinking probably a jewelry box or trinket box is the right move here but I want the compartments to be more secure than jewelry boxes usually are, and I also don't want them to be covered in velvet, because velvet is impossible to clean and pills constantly slough off various powders and dust.

simple wood trinket boxes are the right size and shape (about the size of a book) but are usually for putting your weed accoutrements and don't have internal compartments though. i can DIY internal compartments, but that requires effort and organization, the two resources that are least accessible to me. and if I'm going to do that much work it's sort of pointless buying anything to begin with, I may as well just make an entire box myself at home out of bamboo or something. which I might do because I'm fed up!!

something like this could work but I hate the plastic pouches. they will start falling apart in a year

[humiliatemeplesse]

Your little brother constantly bullies you. First of all he knows you're a faggot and he hates faggots just like all his bros. Second, he's way stronger than you and can take you easily...and hurt you, he has many times. He can just raise his arm slightly while waking by you and you flinch you're so scared of him. So he does things to humiliate and torture you, not just physically, but like this. You're on your way upstairs where the bathroom is. You've gotta piss really bad. He sees you coming and jumps in front of the stairs and stretches out and relaxes. Then he tells you that you can't go by unless you get on the floor and kiss his sweaty smelly socked feet. You have to piss really bad so you just get on the floor and do it. You go to get up thinking he'll let you pass but he says no, get back down, that wasn't good enough, do it like you mean it, show your respect. So you get back on the floor and start kissing his smelly socked feet again and he tells you, keep going, I'll tell you when is enough. You're trembling now because you have to piss so bad. You start kissing his socks fast and hard and act like you're passionate about it. Then he says, I wanna hear you taking deep sniffs of them at the same time. You're thinking, holy shit I'm going to piss myself. But you know if you don't do what he says he'll beat the shit outta you. So you're missing and sniffing his sweaty smelly socked feet with as much enthusiasm as you can muster so he'll let you pass, but he just says, you can do better. You finally say please, I've gotta piss so bad I've gotta get to the bathroom now. He says okay, one more kiss and one more sniff then get up and go. You kiss his sweaty socked feet and sniff then one last time and start to get up to run around him and up the stairs to the toilet and as you're rising off of the floor he kicks you with those stinking socked feet right in your bladder. And you piss yourself right there. You fucking pig, he says. You're on your knees in front of him your jeans soaked in your hot piss. You're fucking pathetic faggot, he says. Then he stands up, kicks you in the face with one of those stinking socked feet, says "loser" and walks away stepping on your face too. You don't even get up for thirty seconds or so. You just start to cry, laying in your piss soaked jeans, the smell of your brother's stinking socks all over your face and in your nose.

[bias-secret]

My Plan/Rules ‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

(these r rules i’m using as a guide to help me lose weight)

Mondays and Tuesdays: Fasting

I’m trying to get to where I can fast the whole 48 hours. This way my body will burn more fat cells and go through ketosis. I’m new to fasting, so that’s why I’m working on it.

Wednesday & Thursdays (500-800cal)

i just keep my calorie limit under 1000. I try to not get too harsh on myself because if I fail it normally just leads to me binging and hating myself after wards because I feel as thought since I already ate more than I shouldn’t have, might as well as keep going. i’m working to change this mentality. It normally ranges from 500-800 calories though, depending on how hungry I get and what I eat.

Fridays and Saturdays (<1400 cal)

Metabolism days. These days are normally when I go out with my friends, and none of them know about my eating disorder so I’m trying to keep it under wraps. Never go over 1400 though because I still want to remain in some sort of deficit.

Sunday (800 cal)

Sunday is my restart day. I do selfcare on this day, and I’m basically just cleaning, doing face masks, washing my hair, and prepping myself for the following week. My caloric limit is 800 calories, and I try to begin my fast early for the following week.

Drink A LOT of water (64 oz daily)

this is especially for when i fast. bloating is normally caused because your not drinking enough water during the fast (it makes your body cling to your water weight) and this makes it harder to see the results.

it also is just good for suppressing appetite (for me atleast), flushing your digestion system, and keeping your metabolism running.

Vitamins, vitamins, and vitamins

right now i mainly just take biotin gummies, so my hair and nails don’t get weaker but im going to start taking iron as well as vitamin D supplements as well because I feel like im deficient in that.

Get over 10k steps everyday

i do a lot of walking because i live on a college campus but i should make it a point to walk more. i don’t really work out (im gonna try to start soon) so walking is a good way for me to casually stay in shape.

No drinking calories

this is one i’m trying to work on because i love juice and dr. pepper, but most juices have way to many calories, and it’s just a waste. So instead i’ve been trying to drink more teas, as well as 0 sugar drinks.

No “Cheat Days”

cheat days just lead to binging. i have the metabolism days that way i can eat more without seeming suspicious to my friends. even on those days, i will still try to be healthy and eat healthy foods regardless of my caloric limit being higher.

that’s it for now <3

if you have any tips or advice feel free to share or comment them 𐙚˙⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩

much love and be safe!! ~bia

[wilhelmina1233]

I am back.

I wanna explain why I just suddenly crashed a yesterday...

It has been on my mind, In September, when my friend started uploading their OC here, I saw that many people commented on their post, Many people seemed like they actually cared. I didn't mind it much, I was happy they were getting SUPPORT. Then after a while, the more they posted, the more comments on their posts got. People interacted with them, talked with them, complimented them. After a while I started comparing my introduction card and theirs, 10 uncommented reblogs, 60 likes, 0 comments. No comments. No comments. No one supported me or complimented, just liked. I tried to ignore it and told myself I will get comments if I post more. So I continued. And then my other friend came to join the community, somehow, they still got comments and support. And another new creator came, and people commented on their posts too, talking about the character's lore. Watching all of these happen to others while my comments always stay on 0 made me feel so... disappointed, like, am I not doing much? It made me think that my comments are turned off and I checked it DAILY. I only ever got comments during hard situations, or when I gifted people, never on my work. I got my FIRST comment on my work on the MoonMan animation, I was so happy. I tell you. To me, comments make me motivated, It's like support to me. Thats why when I firstly posted Muri, I didn't post for another month. I didn't get any comments on her. I thought people didn't like her.

-now, IM SUPER GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF YOU!!!! yall are amazing, I have mentioned it many times about how much I love you all. Im super grateful for everyone and everything. Don't think wrongly, but sometimes Envy gets the best of me. And I'm shocked to say this. The thing that happened the day I crashed was an episode.

-In September I was overthinking, and then suddenly Sweetswirlybread came out of no where and then the situation continued and continued to the point a picture of me was EXPOSED here and even my private blog and fake accusations and all the distress and emotions I was feeling stacked up and caused a big episode on me that lasted longer than expected. My episodes usually last a few hours or a day, but this time it lasted for a whole week. When I am during episodes I can't tyep properly, which is probably why the way I spoke in my last post was not that understandable. After I made that post I cried the whole day, not even because of the situation, just because of how hard the episode hit me. Remembering all the distress and suddenly getting told to delete all my accounts and that people are tracking me down angered me.

-I completely crashed out in my last post, I was angry at everyone and also at myself, I was disappointed in everyone and felt strong emotions. And I am sorry for putting pressure on everyone, I am sorry letting my episode go through so easily, usually, I'm not on my phone during episodes. But I seriously felt so dark at the moment. Right now, I look at my last post, and even I don't understand the words I wrote.

-I am NOT forcing you all to comment on my posts, no!! If you don't want to talk in my posts then sure, I'm okay with it. It's okay if you're too busy, or embarrassed, or just in general don't talk in people's posts. I'm not asking you for anything, If you guys won't comment on my post it won't cause me another episode, so don't worry about that too. I know It's not only hard for me, but It's hard for everyone. I am happy you all support me in your own ways, you're all amazing. I love you all. I really do, I'm sorry for making you think otherwise.

I know you guys support me, It was hard for me to see it through so much envy I was feeling. Plus the whole drama crashed me so much distress so I was so confused and disappointed to the point I completely crashed.

I wanna say that I am sorry for worrying anyone, or if I put pressure on people, or if you think that I hate you. I am deeply sorry for it, and I felt very bad the day after. I really am sorry. I want to show how much I actually do appreciate you all.

I love you all, I'm sorry for getting mad so suddenly. If you still have any questions about what I meant in some sentences in my last post I can tell you in a more understanding way.

I had to cut my break short cus I felt deeply saddened by how I crashed out on everyone. And i wanna say I am sorry.

[weirdlynotspecific]

Whenever people are like "oh my god people with ADHD have like superpowers that's insane with the hyperfocus and knowing everything about your hyperfixation-" SHUT UP. It took me 2 hours to do a page of math problems that would take me maybe 15 minutes at school, but because I'm at home my brain has automatically decided that it is done working for the day.

You hear so much about the good parts of hyperfocus, the insane attention span, the attention to detail, that people forget ADHD is a fucking disorder. If I'm in the zone I do not take care of myself. The other day I realized I hadn't eaten in 13 hours because I was too stressed to even remind myself to eat. And my "meal" that morning was a sandwich because I was too overwhelmed to remind myself that I needed to eat more.

Constantly fighting with your brain over small tasks isn't cool or trendy or whatever, it sucks. And I'm so glad that social media has made it easier for people to realize they have symptoms and get themselves diagnosed, but god I hate seeing it glorified. I understand there's some good things I get out of ADHD, and I don't hate my ADHD because it's a part of who I am, but I hate the idea that it's a quirky little disorder that makes me forget things sometimes, because it's so much more than that.

[blue-willow-tree]

Hello my lovely angels <33

I hate to get all serious here on my blog but I just wanted to say a few things and give a small announcement x

I'm a switch, but my blog mostly shows my dominant side. I love taking care of my dear subby anons and getting to express my dominance, but unfortunately this has led to a few sub drops and has overwhelmed me. I currently have over 100 asks and unfortunately am unable to give myself enough time as well as energy to respond to each one, and I dearly apologize for this. I am a very anxious person, and I so badly wish I could respond to each and every ask with much enthusiasm, but I've gotten very overwhelmed lately and I've realized how much I've been neglecting my submissive side

I will be keeping all my lovely claimed anons, but I will be clearing my inbox. I am not closing my ask box, I'm simply clearing out what is currently there. You are more than welcome to send asks but please do not spam and please be patient, I do get busy and easily overwhelmed. I hope that those that sent asks to me that I haven't been able to respond to understand <3

I have a very hard time expressing by submissive side but I might be attempting to write a bit more submissive posts from now on, I need to take better care of that side of me and no longer feel ashamed/embarrassed to show it just because of past bad dommes. Thank you all for your love and support <33

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

I have been trying to write something about these episodes since I watched them and I can't. I mean, I can, but not very coherently and it would be mostly personal, so not really on point, and so I'll make use of a couple of questions in this post and try my best to write some thoughts down.

First of all, I will not be taking about Mi Ae. Because of my own personal story, and from reading the book, I hated her on sight. This is my own failing, not the show's. I can't seem to separate myself this time so I just won't speak about it. It would be unfair to the show.

What new insights did you gain from the adaptation's expansion of K3 (Kia) Guy from a few background lines into a fully realized character in Kim Nam Gyu?

Kim Nam Gyu. Poor guy. I really felt for him here, much more than in the book. Like he wasn't a bad dude, they just were a really bad match. The locket scene made me cringe so much, I could barely watch it.

The scene at night on the street was so different from the book that I had to go back to it again and read it. I think in the book Nam Gyu read more angry and bitter and here he's just kinda sad and pathetic. I even feel bad calling him that. He was heart broken and he didn't have friends, so he focused all his attention on Young to the point of making Young feel suffocated. So I understand where Young was coming from. But still, poor guy...

I was happy they got to have one last conversation here, and Young got to leave things better before Nam Gyu died. Although he still romanticized the relationship after the fact, which can only truly happen because he was no longer there.

In order to make the show more cohesive and manage screen time, Sang Young Park has moved some elements of the story around, and in this first part he withheld the health scare for Go Yeong and also brought his friends, the T-aras, forward. How do these changes and the inclusion of the wider cast in Part 1 shift your perception of Go Yeong's college years?

I think in some ways, it shows that Young has a fuller life than it appears in the book, but it also highlights how those relationships were different than his primary one. I mean he was closeted at uni and found himself isolated for defending Mi Ae so I don't think those friendships ran all that deep. And because the T-aras have a bigger role here, he seems to be less isolated, but it also made it clear to me that those relationships were more superficial. Even with the T-aras being more present I felt that also highlighted how different Mi Ae was for him.

Because although he can be surrounded by friends, and hooking up with a random guy every night, these were distractions, a way to pass the time. He called Kim Nam Gyu that night because as he said 'I didn't know who to call'. So, sure, he has people around him. But with them there was a mask. And the only person who got to see the real him, the person with whom he could completely be himself, was Mi Ae.

About the health scare change. I have no idea what to make of this or even if it means anything at all, but both Young's health scare in the book, and absent here, and the Kim Nam Gyu scene in the street had homophobic remarks in them, but not here. So, yeah, just a thought I had.

That's it for now.

[sapphic-agent]

Say have you ever heard of the youtuber classicman d? He covers alot of different media, and normallt I agree with his opinions. However hes also a massive mha glazer and while i could critique his mha takes myself but I dont have the energy to search through his youtube shorts(seriously it can be like searching for a needle in a haystack trying to find the right video) just to listen to more mha glazing than i can handle, so I was hoping you might give your thoughts. Just a bit of warning though, one of his takes was "lets not pretend bakugo dont have the coolest power to grace this show" his words not mine.

It's funny you say this because someone on Instagram was like "MHA is better than JJK" and I was like HUH?? Like don't get me wrong, JJK has its flaws (Gege also didn't like writing it and sabotaged the ending on purpose damn that cat). But MHA, the series that completely abandoned and ignored its premise, constantly hates on and simplifies its MC, regresses its other characters, and favors abusers over victims? No, absolutely not.

And I don't have proof, but I got the strangest feeling they were a Bakugou stan.

Because really, Bakugou stans are the only ones who glaze MHA to that extent. No other group- barring Endeavor apologists- sucks Horikoshi off that much. And of course they do, their favorite is treated better than everyone else. It's easy to gush over something when it panders to your interests.

Bakugou stans- especially post him coming back- are insufferable when it comes to criticizing MHA.

I might take a look at this guy, but probably not. Bakugou glazers aren't really worth it

[felixcloud6288]

Dungeon Meshi Chapter 14

I really loved the title page showing how Marcille does her hair. If my hair was long enough to do it, I'd try it myself. My favorite part is the braid around her ears.

Her actual hairstyle this chapter isn't the same as the title page though. Instead, she keeps the side braids but wraps her long hair into a large loop ending in a ponytail.

I love these little beat panels. The party is so prone to awkward silences and it's always funny whenever it happens. All of them try very hard to be polite but no one ever knows what to say when they know being honest would upset someone.

We've got some info on magic. It requires the user to take care of their hair. And poor grooming can affect how well support magic can work on a person.

Senshi ought to engage in proper grooming to at least make sure hair doesn't get into the food.

There is some light environmental storytelling about the first expeditions to 4F. By the looks of things, the first people to reach 4F had to smash the walls open to actually access the level. Then builders had to come in to build platforms for adventurers to actually be able to enter the floor.

I get the feeling the upper level was either opened first or had to be made so builders could safely haul and drop the walkways into the water.

Since Senshi doesn't have any means of crossing the water, this is probably the furthest he's ever gone down the dungeon.

All his earlier instances of deriding Marcille's magic had some merit to them, but now Senshi is just being a stubborn old goat. Even if his concern about relying on magic too much will harm his ability to act without it being available, the waterwalking skill is a practical solution to the situation at hand.

He's acting like that employee who's worked at the company for thirty years and takes several hours to fill out a spreadsheet because they don't know how to use any of the calculating tools. Then they stubbornly refuse to let you show them how to fill it quickly cause it's the way they've always done it.

The way Marcille applied waterwalking to Senshi implies that the part where she taps her feet was just performative. As long as she hits you with her staff, the spell is applied.

Senshi didn't immediately sink so the spell works somewhat. I guess the waterwalking spell is less "You can now stand on water" and more "the rate at which your body displaces the water beneath your feet is reduced."

I hated physics but I kind of want to go back through topics related to density, waves, buoyancy, and kinetic energy because of this moment. Real quick, buoyancy is the force that fluids exert in opposition to the gravitational force of an object in it. If buoyancy is stronger than the gravitational force, the object will float over the fluid. If gravity is stronger, the object will sink. There's more to it of course, but I think this is enough background for my upcoming ramble.

When Marcille jumped into the water, there was a tiny splish and some ripples formed around the point of contact. So she made physical contact with the water, but her spell prevented the kinetic energy that would transfer to the water on contact from dispersing the water to any degree that would cause her to fall into it. So the gravitational force she's exerting on the water is so low that she can stand on the water.

I know this is one of those "It's magic. Don't worry about it" moments, but I'd love to consider alternate uses for this spell considering what it appears to be doing. If the spell actually reduces density or weakens the gravitational force that acts against bouyancy, could a sinking ship be saved by applying this spell to it or a sunken ship be raised using it? And can it be used with other liquids? Could a variant be made that can let a person float in the air (This would have to be made with caution cause if it works the way I'm describing, it could easily catapult someone into the stratosphere).

Of all people to oppose Senshi's idea of riding a Kelpie across the water, you'd never suspect Laios. He's the one who comes across as the most likely to want to befriend monsters. But it turns out that he has far more sense about things.

Yes, Laios loves monsters. However, he isn't blind to the reality of what they are. In chapter 8, Senshi talked about the care that goes into living in the dungeon and feeling like you're part of it, but he's overstepping his bounds with Anne. By assuming he can tame and ride her, he's not respecting that she is a dangerous creature that should be treated as such.

The initial interaction with Anne reminded me of a Youtube video of a guy sitting by a river and a grizzly bear casually walks up to him and sits next to him. The bear was docile and the guy wasn't in any danger, yes. But it would be a bad idea to walk up to the bear or try to pet it. And the guy in the video was definitely afraid during that interaction because he was sitting next to a grizzly bear.

Laios also seems to be speaking from experience.

The first hint that Anne wasn't as sweet as she seemed is she chewed on Senshi's blood-soaked beard.

Laios saw what was going to happen from a mile away and lassoed Anne's tail just before she submerged. He even looks like he's saying "I told you!" when Anne begins to descend.

After killing her, Senshi decided to prepare Anne's body to eat it. He's not very emotive, but he's genuinely upset that the bond he thought he had didn't exist. He sees himself as part of the dungeon, but even though he helps take care of it, that doesn't mean the monsters are going to treat him as anything other than potential prey.

Maybe he started to realize that he hadn't given her the proper respect she deserves as a dangerous kelpie. Eating her is a way to give respect though. He's not going to leave her body to rot. If he's going to be part of the dungeon, then he should participate in its ecosystem. His eagerness to use the soap Marcille made from Anne's fat might be an extension to that respect.

Marcille knows how to make soap from scratch. Since hygiene and grooming are important parts of magic, she probably was taught how to make use of what's available.

Oh my gosh! He's so fluffy!!

Senshi's stubbornness and insistence on doing things his own way almost got him killed. At least he's willing to be more flexible now. And he's noticing there are some enjoyable experiences that require magic.

SENSHI FLASH!!

back

[blusthings]

I hate labels.

I hate confining myself and my personality to just... one thing. Because that's not fair to my journey and growth.

I'm many things, (a Muslim, a dentist, an artist, a butch, a bisexual...) but those things do not entirely define me. I am so much more than that. Human beings are complicated and full of contradictions and it's beautiful.

[dollsinvogue]

Clawdeen Wolf core doll diary scans

Found a bunch of old monster high diaries and I wanted to share them! Also does anyone else remember these “unlock more online” codes??

English + Français transcription below

English:

this diary belongs to: Clawdeen Wolf

This is my diary. If you want your life to last longer than it takes to read it. You won't.

Unlock more online: MHCWPACK

July 14th

I got up late so there was no hot water left then I cut myself shaving this cause my razor was dull and I was in hurry to get out of the freezing water but amazingly enough the day actually went down hill from there… Later on Crescent, the alpha Kitty, must have sensed my mood cause instead of spending the night prowling around he curled up in my lap and Kept me company while sorted through my funk.

July 15th

It rained today. I hate the rain. It totally caused my hair to poof out and I was not about to spend the rest of the day looking like a were-poodle. So I grabbed a pair of electric clippers and 15 minutes later I had a new 'do. It's short, scary cute and perfectly wolfish I think I'll keep it for a while or at least until this rain goes away. I have decided that when I control my own fashion empire I'm going to have a stylist on call just for rainy days.

August 4th

I hate, hate, hate! sharing a room with my sister. Howleen totally growls in her sleep, she wears my clothes and she got sprayed by a skunk last week which means that every time she takes a bath, which isn't often, it stinks up the whole room. I'd hope she gets fleas but she'd just spread them to me.

August 7th

I've got to get serious about planning what I'm going to wear on the first day of school this year. I mean It's not like I'm worried about some monster showing up and looking more fabulous than me but I feel obligated to set the bar for everyone else. Last year on the first day of school I caused a minor traffic jam just walking across the school parking lot. It's going to be hard to top that but I've been experimenting with some new hair styles and I'm considering just asking for a school assembly so that crowd control won't be a problem.

August 10th

I tried a new hair remover made especially for werewolves. The label says it will totally eclipse unwanted hair and it's supposed to keep you hair-free for a week …not. It's expensive, it stings worse than wolfs bane and I still have to shave twice a day! What a rip…I could have used that money for a new belt.

August 15th

spent the day at Draculaura's. She's the absolute sweetest BMFF ever! Although if she doesn't stop trying to feed me tofu im going to bite her j/k ;p. She has like rooms and rooms of clothes. It's like a fashion museum. So awesome! She always says that were going to pick out clothes to give Ghoul Will but she always gives most of them to me. I pretend I don't need them but with so many brothers and sisters it's not like there's a lot of extra money to go around for new fashions. I guess we must have gotten a little loud though cause we woke up her dad. He doesn't really like werewolves very much but he tolerates me cause I'm friends with Draculaura. Whatever. It's not like I want to hang out with him either. Anyway, the best thing about Draculaura is that she doesn't give me clothes because she feels sorry for me, she does it because she’s my friend.

August 19th

Went to the Maul with Clawd today. He needed a new football and I needed to get some ideas for my next hair style. While I was there I saw the strangest thing. I was walking past the witches Kitchen supply store and saw Deuce Gorgon reading a cookbook! I yelled "Yo Deuce, trying to find a recipe for snake?" He dropped the cookbook and looked all embarrassed; at least I think he was. It's hard to tell what's going on behind those glasses. I think he would have tried to stone me but Clawd walked up and Deuce chilled. Sometimes it's cool to have the toughest guy in the school on your side. Thanks bro!

August 21st

If I were a mad scientist, the hairstyle experiment I tried today would be locked away in the lab never to see the light of day again. I flat ironed my hair so it was straight and then I razor cut it. As soon as the curl came back things got ugly. Even Howleen felt sorry for me. It's a good thing I'm the werewolf equivalent of Rapunzel and my hair will be grown out by the end of the week or I’d be wearing a hat until Halloween.

August 23rd

Draculaura tried to talk me into trying out for the fearleading squad again. Puhh…leeze. A list of why I'm not a fearleader:

I. I don't "Try out" for anything.

2. I wouldn't be caught human in those uniforms.

3-8 Boring and Cleo de Nile

9. While they're yelling for the boys I'm in the stands flirting with the boys.

10. Boring and Cleo de Nile.

I have thought about trying out just to show I could nake the team but then I look at my list again and it reminds me why I don't want to.

August 25th

Hung out at the Maul with Draculaura and met a new girl named Frankie Stein. She was shopping with her mom and fortunately for Frankie then ran into us. Otherwise she would have started the first day of school dressed like the Bride of Lame-n-stein. Frankie's beautiful and sweet but a bit naive. Fortunately, I’m here to make sure she gets properly educated in the ways of the fierce fashionista.

September 5th

Our annual End of summer family bar-boo-que was todan. Mmmmm...fat juicy steaks for everybody. Except for Draculaura of course. She brought tofu dogs, veggie burgers and a human boy named Jackson Jekyll. She'll always be my BMFF and the sweetest monster ever but ghoulfriend makes some strange choices. Anyway, I could tell he was really nervous, and what human surrounded by werewolves wouldn't be, until Clawd started talking about football and then the two of them kinda hit it off. I think Draculaura is major league crushing on this guy.

September 6th

I know most monsters are probably dreading starting school but not me. I want to learn as much as I can so that I'll be totally prepared when I start building my fashion empire. If for nothing else than to be able to move out of the house and get my own place without having to share everything with all my brothers and sisters. Oh no! I think I smell Howleen in the shower! Why couldn't I have been an only wolf?

About Me

Name: Clawdeen Wolf

Age: 15

Monster Parents: The Werewolf

Killer Style: I’m a fierce fashionista with a confident no-nonsense attitude. I'm also gorgeous, intimidating, and absolutely loyal to my friends.

Freaky Flaw: My hair is worthy of a shampoo commercial and that's just what grows on my legs. Plucking and shaving is definitely a full time job but that's a small price to pay for being scarily fabulous.

Pet: Crescent, a scary cute little kitten as fuzzy as I am.

Favorite Activity: Shopping and flirting with the boys!

Biggest Pet Peeve: I hate having so many of my brothers and sisters in school at the same time. They're annoying, embarrassing, and totally know how to push my buttons. Oh, and Cleo de Nile.

Favorite School Subject: Economics. One day I plan on having my own fashion empire and I want to know as much about business as I do about fashion.

Least Favorite School Subject: Gym. It's only because then won't let me participate in my platforn wedges.

Favorite Color: Gold- it’s the only thing Cleo de Nile and I can ever agree on

Favorite Food: Steak...rare.

BFF's: Frankie Stein and Draculaura

Français:

ce journal appartient à: Clawdeen Wolf

Ceci est mon journal intime. Si tu veux que ta vie dure plus longtemps que sa lecture...Tu ne le liras pas

Accède à plus de contenu en ligne: MHCWPACK

14 juillet

Je me suis levée en retard, et il n’y avait plus d'eau chaude. Ensuite, je me suis coupée en me rasant parce que mon rasoir n’était pas bien affûté et que j'étais pressée de sortir de cette eau glacée. Et la journée ne s'est pas améliorée... Plus tard, Crescent le chaton alpha doit avoir senti que je n'étais pas de bonne humeur, car au lieu de passer la soirée à tourner en rond, il s'est couché sur mes genoux et m’a tenu compagnie tant que je ne m'étais pas remise de mes émotions.

5 juillet

Il a plu aujourd'hui. Je déteste la pluie. À cause de ça, mes cheveux étaient hors de contrôle. Je n'avais pas l'intention de passer le reste de la journée avec un look de caniche-garou. Alors j'ai pris deux tondeuses électriques et 15 minutes plus tard, j'avais une nouvelle coupe! C'est court, effroyablement joli et reflète parfaitement ma nature de loup. Je pense que je vais garder ce style un bout de temps, ou au moins le temps que la pluie cesse. J'ai décidé que lorsque je dirigerai mon propre empire de la mode, j'aurai un styliste de garde rien que pour les jours de pluie.

4 août

Je déteste, déteste, déteste!! partager une chambre avec ma soeur. Howleen groque dans son sommeil et elle porte mes vêtements. Une mouffette l'a arrosée la semaine dernière, ce qui signifie que chaque fois qu'elle prend un bain, c'est-à-dire pas très souvent, ça sent dans toute la pièce. Je lui souhaiterais bien d'attraper des puces, mais elle me les transmettrait aussi.

7 août

II faut que je pense sérieusement à ce que je vais porter pour la rentrée scolaire cette année. Ce n'est pas comme si j'avais peur qu’un autre monstre ait l'air plus fabuleux que moi, mais je me sens obligée de mettre la barre assez haute pour les autres. L'année passée, lors de la rentrée, j'ai provoqué un mini-embouteillage rien qu'en traversant le stationnement de l'école. Ça va être difficile de renouveler l'exploit, mais j'ai essané quelques novveaux stules de coiffure et j'envisage de demander une réunion scolaire pour qu'il y ait un meilleur contrôle des foules.

10 août

J'ai essayé une nouvelle crème dépilatoire conçue spécialement pour les loups-garous. L'étiquette dit qu'elle fait totalement disparaître les poils indésirables et elle est censée les empêcher de repousser pendant toute une semaine... mon oeil! Ça coûte cher, ça sent pire qu'ne meute de loups et je suis toujours obligée de me raser deux fois par jour! C'est du vol... J'aurais pu utiliser cet argent pour une nouvelle ceinture.

15 août

J'ai passé la journée chez Draculaura. C'est vraiment la plus gentille de toutes les amies! Mais si elle essaie encore de me faire avaler du tofu, je vais la mordre! Je blague...;p. Il y a plein de pièces remplies de vêtements chez elle. Un véritable musée de la mode! C'est super! Elle dit toujours que nous allons choisir des vêtements à donner à des oeuvres de charité, mais elle m'en donne toujours la plus grande partie. Je fais semblant de ne pas en avoir. besoin, mais avec tous mes frères et soeurs, il ne reste pas beaucoup d'argent pour magasiner. Je crois qu'on a fait un peu trop de bruit l'autre jour parce que nous avons réveillé son père. Il n'aime pas vraiment les loups-garous mais il me tolère parce que je suis amie avec Draculaura. Peu importe. Ça n'est pas comme si je voulais être son amie. De toute façon, ce qu'il y a de bien avec Draculaura c'est qu'elle ne me donne pas des vêtements parce qu'elle a pitié de moi, mais parce que c'est mon amie.

19 août

Je suis allée aux Galeries l'Épouvante avec Clawd aujourd'hui. Il avait besoin d'un nouveau ballon de football et je cherchais de nouvelles idées pour ma prochaine coiffure. Là-bas, jai vu quelqu'un chose de très étrange. Je passais devant le magasin de chaudrons de sorcière et j'ai aperçu Deuce Gorgon en train de live un livre de cuisine! J'ai crié «Hé, Deuce! Tu cherches une recette de serpents?» Il a lâché le livre et avait l'air très embarrassé, du moins c'est ce que j'ai pensé. C'est difficile de deviner ce qui se passe derrière ces lunettes. Je crois qu'il aurait bien essayé de me transformer en pierre, mais Clawd s'est approché et Deuce s'est calmé. Quelque fois, c'est cool d'avoir le gars le plus costaud de l'école de son côté. Merci!

21 août

Si j'étais un savant fou, l'expérience de coiffure que j'ai essayée aujourd'hui resterait à jamais sous clé dans le laboratoire. J'ai utilisé un fer pour aplatir mes cheveux avant de les couper au rasoir. Mais quand mes boucles naturelles sont revenues, le résultat était horrible. Même Howleen avait de la peine pour moi. Une chance que je suis l'équivalent de Raiponce chez les loups-garous et que mes cheveux auront repoussé d'ici la fin de la semaine, sinon j'aurais dû porter un chapeau jusqu'à l'Halloween.

23 août

Draculaura a encore essayé de me convaincre de passer une audition pour la brigade de la terreur. Pfff... sans espoir. Voilà la liste des raisons pour lesquelles je ne veux pas être dans la brigade:

I. Je ne fais pas d'auditions pour quoi que ce soit.

2. Je ne voudrais pas être vue dans ces uniformes.

3-8. C'est ennuyant... et Cleo de Nile

9. Pendant qu'elles crient pour encourager les garçons, je suis dans les gradins en train de flirter avec les garçons.

10. C'est ennuyant... et Cleo de Nile

J'avais pensé essayer juste pour montrer que je peux entrer dans l'équipe, puis j'ai jeté à nouveau un coup d'oeil à ma liste et ça m'a rappelé pourquoi je ne veux pas.

25 août

Je suis allée aux Galeries l'Épouvante avec Draculaura et nous y avons rencontré une nouvelle fille qui s'appelle Frankie stein. Elle magasinait avec sa mère et, heureusement pour Frankie, nous les avons rencontrées. Sinon, elle aurait commencé l'école habillée comme la fiancée de Horrible-stein. Frankie est belle et charmante mais un peu naive. Heureusement, je suis là pour assurer son éducation dans la plus pure tradition de la mode.

5 septembre

Aujourd'hui a eu lieu notre barbe-queue familial destiné à commémorer la Fin de l'été. Mmmmm.... des steaks gras et bien juteux pour tout le monde. Sauf pour Draculaura bien sûr. Elle avait apporté des saucisses de tofu, des hamburgers végétariens et un humain du nom de Jackson Jekyll. Elle sera toujours ma meilleure amie pour la vie et le monstre le plus gentil qui soit, mais elle fait parfois des choix étranges. Mais bon. J'ai remarqué quil était vraiment nerveux (mais quel humain entouré de loups-garous ne le serait pas)... Jusqu'à ce que Clawd commence à parler de football. Ensuite, ils ont eu l'air de bien s'entendre. Je crois que ce garçon intéresse vraiment Draculaura.

6 septembre

Je sais que la plupart des monstres n'ont pas le goût de retourner à l'école, mais pas moi. Je veux apprendre le plus possible pour être bien préparée le jour où je commencerai à bâtir mon empire de la mode. Même si ce n'est que pour pouvoir quitter la tanière et trouver un endroit pour moi toute seule où je n'aurai pas à partager quoi que ce soit avec mes frères et soeurs. Oh, non! Je crois que je sens Howleen sous la douche! Pourquoi je ne suis pas un loup unique?

Infos Personelles

Nom: Clawdeen Wolf

Age: 15 ans

Parents monstres: Le Loup-garou

Look d'enfer: J'adore vraiment la mode et j'ai une grande confiance en moi. Je suis également ravissante, redoutable et d'une grande loyauté envers mes amis.

Particularité: Mes cheveux sont diques d'une pub de shampooing... Le problème c'est qu'ils poussent aussi sur mes jambes. L'emploi d'une pince à épiler et d'un rasoir constitue définitivement un travail à temps plein, wais dest ou petit prix à paver pour paraître effroyablement fabuleuse.

Animal de compagnie: Crescent, un petit chaton affreusement miguon qui a autant de duvet que moi.

Activité préférée: Magasiner et flirter avec les garçons!

Ce que je déteste le plus: Je déteste avoir autant de frères et soeurs à l'école en même temps. Ils sont Tannants, embarrassants et savent exactement convient viénerver. Oh j'allais aublier...et Cleo de Nile.

Matière préférée à l'école : L'économie. J'aimerais avoir mon propre empire de la mode un jour, alors je veux en apprendre autant sur les affaires que j’en connais sur la mode l’étudier

Matière que aime le moins L'éducation physique. C'est juste parce que je v'ai pas le droit de mettre mes chaussures à plate-forme.

Couleur préférée : Or - C'est bien la seule chose sur laquelle Cleo de Nile et moi sommes d'accord.

Nourriture preférée Un steak... saiguant.

Amis pour la vie: Frankie Stein et Draculaura

[tirfpikachu]

this screenshot from another post actually really hit me hard

trying to make body dysphoria seem inherently worse than body dysmorphia is actually cruel. as someone who developed extremely severe body dysmorphia before dysphoria, i can tell you it's the #1 reason i started hating and harming myself and wanting to die at a young age. i would've 1000% gotten extreme facial plastic surgery to "fix" myself. and while for some it's their road to happiness, if i had it... it personally would've locked me into this fake version of myself, forever wearing a mask. and whenever i'd see someone looking like my past self, a haunting feeling would've come over me. and yet society was encouraging me to "fix" my perceived flaws. it was insanely normalized. it was seen as almost self-care, and a way to better my chances in life as a "prettier" woman. it really fucked me up. you CANNOT look me in the eyes and say shit like "women just want to xyz bc of beauty standards, it's not the same as my much worse severely debilitating dysphoria" without telling my younger self and other young girls that her life-threatening suffering wasn't bad enough, wasn't painful enough, wasn't as bad as anything a trans person goes through. it assumes so fucking much about dysmorphic people. don't brush us off so easily. don't put yourself as inherently in a worse situation when societal misogyny costs real lives. especially since for me, it came from initial bullying at a young age, like many other girls who hate their own bodies & faces. stop belittling our pain.

my dysphoria was very debilitating too, and made me a trans activist for life. but it did come with risks. i developed reverse dysphoria quite quickly after i started growing stubble, and now i'm stuck with that painful dysphoria until i can get expensive laser hair removal. if this is how transfems feel like about their own stubble, holy shit... i'm so fucking sorry. that's a truly horrible feeling. what i can tell you though, is that this is actually a cousin sensation to dysmorphia. dysmorphia & dysphoria aren't as separated as y'all might want them to be, which would make things must simpler ofc. but it's the feeling of visceral disgust, of your body not being good enough, not being you enough. that sucks to think about; we don't want to empower the transphobic crowd into thinking they can magically fix us all. and so, many activists and dysphoric people try to compensate by portraying them as experiences that are completely foreign to one another. as never being related or feeling similar at all, ever. but the thing is, as a previously chronically dysphoric & dysmorphic detrans chick, i can tell you first-hand that it doesn't help anyone to pretend that these aren't often comorbid disorders, and that they actually really do feel similar. and that's okay! no one should take all your treatment options away just because of that. that would be shitty, transphobic, and honestly ableist. but we gotta encourage ppl & their doctors to do due diligence (which my doctor and trans community didn't) and be open to everybody about the risk of regret, of reverse dysphoria, of things not working out the way we think they will. because all that at the very least makes detransitions less painful, even if you personally never detransition. detransitions can lead to very extreme self-hatred, and all the unfortunate consequences of self-hatred. it is a very vulnerable place to be in, and we want to prevent harm. more and more folks are detransitioning because of a lack of information and a focus on celebrating someone's transition early instead of giving proper information. the same should be done with dysmorphic folks - i am both a post-dysphoric and post-dysmorphic person. but many dysmorphic people cannot function without getting surgeries.

and while this is honestly tragic, as anyone needing to go under the knife at all is tragic in a sense... sometimes it is the only life-saving treatment option for the person. for me, i feel so fucking proud of my survival despite years of debilitating disgust at myself, my body and my face. both in a dysphoric and dysmorphic way. but i do not look down on anyone who did have to go through surgeries. i'm just happy to see them smile and feel good about themselves, honestly. but it is a bit bittersweet. how was it, before surgeries, to be dysphoric? to be dysmorphic? i want to read more stories from those eras. how did people find inner peace? did they, in the end? how many didn't survive? what did they have to say? i feel a strange sense of yearning, sometimes. heteropatriarchal society is really weird. it triggers dysmorphia in so many young girls & transmascs. it can also trigger temporary dysphoria in some people, and even permanent dysphoria. and just because certain societal things are a factor in your dysphoria doesn't mean you're lesser for it either - your suffering matters. just like dysmorphic suffering. hating yourself at all is so fucking painful. i wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy, or i'd at least strongly hesitate and they'd need to be an actual monster to deserve it. i love dysphoric & dysmorphic people so fucking much. i don't want us to fight eachother, or shame eachother for seeking treatments when things become too much for us to bear. we need to uplift one another. do everything we can to lessen these feelings in ourselves, of course, as a community of people who hate their bodies and place in society. but if someone chooses to cross over, to take hormones, to have surgeries... i just don't want them to regret it, that's all. and if they don't? if they're happy? i would hug them and breathe a sigh of relief as well. i'd feel bittersweet, almost nostalgic, because i've been there. people who haven't been severely dysphoric or dysmorphic don't fucking understand. hopefully they never will.

[gameyface46]

there’s so much good art on my suggested page and each time i keep going “woah! this is great art!” but then i remember i’m a horrible artist and cry and think about how horrible at art i am and how i will never be as good as these people, i will never be among the artists of the world. it’s fun. to do that. a lot. every time i see a piece of art. online. it’s very enjoyable.