#because i got to allow myself to be cunty about it which i try to avoid otherwise

[genderkoolaid]

sorry that im a bit ignorant but im trying to learn, I've never come across the term MRA before, can i ask what it means, please and thank you? - trans kid who is trying to learn about this stuff

"MRA" means "Men's Rights Activst." It refers to a movement of cis(het) men, largely white, which claims to seek more rights for men on the basis that men are oppressed by women/that women are privileged in some or all areas of society, to the detriment of men. It almost always focuses entirely on cis, straight, white men.

In practice, MRAs reject the concept of the patriarchy and downplay or entirely reject misogyny as a form of oppression. It grew out of men's liberation, which was originally feminist-aligned but then split between men whose politics aligned with feminism & men who saw feminism as a source of their issues (MRAs). MRA rhetoric involves taking men's issues and using them as a cudgel against feminism, rejecting any analysis of these issues that places the blame on the patriarchy (often relying on an understanding of the patriarchy as "men in general," born out of a poor understanding of feminist theory). MRAs tend to use these issues as a "gotcha!" against any feminist discussion of misogyny or male privilege, rather than actually seeking the cause of these issues (patriarchy) & working with women to make the systematic changes needed to alleviate them.

For example, one of the hottest topics MRAs use is parental rights, specifically child custody and child support. MRAs will claim that courts are unfairly biased against fathers because they love women and hate men (to be very reductive about the arguments they make). This is very comforting to men who have been fucked over by the court system & who have unexamined internalized misogyny. However, this bias can be better explained by feminist men's liberation; the Youtuber F.D Signifier (in a video linked in the post linked below) made a great counter to this, explaining how mothers are prioritized because the patriarchy says that women's natural role is motherhood, and attempts to discourage them from working by placing the burden of parenting on them; fathers, on the other hand, are perceived as naturally being less involved.

MRAs make discussing men's issues really difficult because people end up associating any discussion of men's issues with them. Additionally, a lot of people counter MRA arguments by just disagreeing with anything they say, rather than acknowledging that the issue is an issue but pointing out why their conclusions are flawed and unhelpful.

I semi-recently had to deal with MRAs myself on a post about sexual assault & cis men, which you can check out here if you want to see this kind of rhetoric in action.

[azumasoroshi]

happy 12/24-25! i think too often about the “gege hates gojo” jokes because holy shit it is PERSONAL with gege

like yeah he sealed him and killed him but like. every aspect of gojo’s character is just so. gege really said “i’m going to make you the strongest character in the history of ever and you’re going to be cool and attractive and funny and your fans will love you, BUT:

The entire point of your character is that no matter how much power you have, you are helpless to save the people you truly care about

You’re so powerful that the only way you can narratively exist without destroying every enemy in jjk other than Sukuna is to get snatched away, sealed, get your powers taken away, or die (even in the fucking video game you only get a certain number of turns to act before you get yoinked)

You can never escape the system you were born into because your power has become your character

You’ll think you’re changing the system for the better but end up perpetuating the system anyway in allowing children to go on dangerous missions

You cannot supervise said children on dangerous missions because you’re running around Japan like a headless chicken at the whims of the higher ups

You never got the chance to fully grow up because a part of you died when Toji killed you and a part of you died when Suguru left you and what else is there left

Your own desire for power blinded you to your best friend’s depression and it’s one of your greatest regrets yet a part of you still thinks Suguru wasn’t strong enough to keep up which is why you keep saying you want strong allies who can keep up with you and you are just terribly equipped to handle your students’ emotional challenges and insecurities even though you try your best

You will never make any emotional connections as lovely as the one from your youth which you still cry about on the rare occasions you actually sleep

You will only be able to tell Suguru you love him right before you KILL HIM

No matter whether Suguru was your best friend, ex-boyfriend, crush that you never confessed to, or boy you only realized you were in love with after he left you, you will NEVER be able to get over him and an evil brain will use this against you and several people you care about will get fucked over because you cared too much

Even though your students/coworkers sometimes like you the first thing 99% of them think of when they think of you is “The Strongest” and even in your breakup arc Suguru, the one person you wanted to stand by your side and share the title, began to think of you in that way as well and distanced himself from you because of it.

The narrative requires that you be lonely at the top as a direct consequence of your power - even metaphorically, infinity separates you from the rest of the world and your wide range of destruction makes it so allies are a hindrance in battle and you could destroy the people you dare about in seconds (see: thank fuck todo stopped yuuji from stepping into range of purple)

You are going to fight the boy you may or may not have raised from childhood because of the other boy with Sukuna inside him that he asked you to save and you can’t hesitate because the last time you hesitated about someone you cared about you got sealed and people died

You may or may not have died to the strongest curse of all time and are left forever unsatisfied even in death because not only was your culty/cunty best friend not there to cheer you on, but you think Sukuna couldn’t even go all out against you, the strongest sorcerer of your time, despite strength being your whole thing

and as a bonus, you also “died” after cockily saying “Nah I’d win” which will get extensively memed on the internet at your expense”

like not to woobify gojo or anything but oh my god jesus fucking christ gege

he was like “ill make you hot as a treat mostly for myself because i like drawing hot men but you’re going to be so incredibly fucking doomed by the narrative in every possible way”

like he loves drawing shirtless men but he never drew gojo shirtless like gege!! GEGE!!!! what did he DO to deserve this level of narrative ire omfg

[kafkaoftherubble]

pitching akudama drive to you, without relying on cutthroat's cuntiness to get me through it

SO the basic premise is that it's a cyberpunk retro future world of Japan, years after a devastating war between cities. criminals in this world are dubbed the Akudama and ranked according to the severity of their crimes, most of our main cast are the highly sought after S-rank. there's also a task force of executioners, who are like... the American police 😍 they can kill criminals

this here is miss 一般人 (yes everyone's got a code name and they are all very on the nose, say hello to Ordinary Person. she is very ordinary)

after a small misunderstanding, she's arrested and accused being a swindler. and without explaining too much of the plot, she essentially gets forced into pretending that she too, is an akudama, as an entire group of them is forced to work together to complete a job. eventually her false persona of being Swindler becomes who she truly is and I could not convey just how satisfying that character turn around is

the strong theme here though, seen especially near the end, is how criminals are human. how they all have different reasons and motivations for committing their crimes, and how they're people beyond just that, yet they're being hunted down and executed for it.

it's about how the government can be corrupt, and if they have the power to kill criminals... well then, it's just a matter of deciding who the criminals ARE and killing them (that foot in the door to be allowed to kill anyone you dislike because Oh Well they're a Criminal)

it's about carving your own path in life with tooth and nail, to not let yourself be held down and killed or have your life stripped away from you. fighting for a better future.

anyways it's only 12 beautifully animated episodes long, every character is a delight and it's just got a fun story in general

also cutthroat will be sad if you don't watch it

Okay, the sci-fi setting is a big plus point because I like sci-fi in general! Also, the part about the American Police deadass made me laugh!

The art style looks like something I've seen but I don't remember what it is. It's like... the style used in Persona! The video game, I mean.

Hmm... "Becoming the mask" as a trope is a bit of a neutral thing for me, to be honest. I think the Past Me had a fill of this with Durarara!! back then, haha. Being a swindler is a bit of a plus point, though, because I love stories about noble-hearted confidence people. Does this Normal Person Girl actually pull off really wild, big-brained insane cons like the French show Lupin or the anime Great Pretender? If she did, it would be a very big plus point! I dig that stuff so much because I love trying to figure tricks out!

As for the part about humanizing criminals—it's a wee bit reminiscent of Psycho-Pass, which I really enjoyed. I'm also currently reading Ajin, which has shades of this in its themes. Since I'm currently being fed, I'm quite neutral about this specific theme for now.

Overall, it is quite an interesting premise! I will hold onto it and wait for its Interest Meter to be filled even more.

Weird that I have never heard of this anime before! I mean, sure, I don't consume fiction a gargantuan lot compared to most people on Tumblr, but I still fancy myself a wee bit more learned than actual casuals! So how is it that I have never heard of this? Is your fandom big?

Also, Cutthroat can cry but I find it a bit suspect if he can cry. I mean, this guy's name is screaming "funky happy serial killer" so much!

[bma-2020]

Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ‘its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.

[sunriseoverseauniverse-blog]

The world just chewed her up

And spat her out. 

I always get myself into these situations

I’m just being honest here 

It’s a classic feeling signature and behaviour of mine 

No thanks to any of the people who twisted the knife

Yup, thats you grandma, and whoever ( the fuck ) else 

Ooops using that fucking g word again 

Trying to transfer the blame on someone else 

My poetry is starting to suck 

Cause it’s really just nicely placed words 

Venting my timely swings 

Into dark places...

Calling it:

I’ve had a full on fortnight 

Sick, work, new job, money stress

Child not drinking or sleeping stress

All the usual suspects for an exhausted parent 

Wait what the fuck I’m not a parent? 

It’s really taxing being the one hearing the toddlers cries 

Knowing that you aren’t the one with the milk tap breasts 

The smells, genealogy and presence of their mother 

That would calm that crying child in an instant...

Who is the only one they will eat for, drink for, sleep for... just about

I am a good stand in mother 

But imagine having that much presence in another child’s life 

Taking the pressure of trying to fill their needs 

When you aren’t the one who was biologically tuned to do so

I love what I do 

I really do and I would take this shit any day over any other work

But when they are crying for mum 

Well, I’m just not their mum. 

It’s okay

It just takes time to form bonds right?

If it didn’t it wouldn’t be right

You can’t hurry love... understanding... feeling comfortable with someone

Children need the love

Parents need the space from loving 

Nanny’s need.... 

A BIG FUCK OFF COFFEE OKAY

Like, today would have been good.  It used to be my little fluffy comforter, coffee 

It still is my trusted friend 

In small doses 

I’m basically Lor 

I like to believe I live in stars hollow.

We made a breakthrough today together

Me & the wee one year old cherub I care for 

She is such a strong stubborn self lead little cherub 

She just makes these screechy noises at me, trying to tell me stuff 

I put her in the car, drove to the beach and around for ages 

And then, holy shit, she fell asleep and STAYED asleep for 40 minutes 

It was a christmas fucking miracle 

It is the first fortnight I’ve been working 

But some of those days have been mentally challenging 

I came home with tears of joy whatever I don’t know 

Tears of endurance of frustration of inadequacy for not having the right nipples

Tears about money stuff 

Getting through 

Feeling like I have some worth

Paying for my own health care appointments  Whatever other plans I have made 

Fighting back the tears 

Again 

The stress of all this change 

Feeling for me 

Cause it’s my job too 

Can be full on, it seems 

Lucy ran through the house with muddy paws this arvo 

It was the icing on the cake 

The cherry 

Sarcastic but really she is my

Cherry

She came into my room just now 

To give me a little snuggle 

Probably saying mama thing I hate it when you cry 

It’s cool baby badger 

Crying is one of the many ways to release 

I read a cool article on it today about the healing power 

Of babies crying in the arms of a caring loving adult 

It’s a healthy response 

It is made to be held, seen, heard, recognised as valid 

If your baby needs to cry, let it cry in your arms 

It’s perfectly fucking healthy to cry 

It’s WAY better if it can be done with someones presence 

And I mean, just their conscious presence, approving, accepting 

Being here with you 

Especially for children 

But I just do it alone mostly

Cause people tend to freak out with the water worx 

Probably scared of their own displays of feelings 

I’m used to it I’ve been doing it for years 

I even used to tie up the door to the bathroom 

Where I would be crying 

From a very young age 

Because we don’t have locks in our house 

Because I was raised without being allowed valid boundaries 

Lol fight me 

I’m just being honest 

Act like you got some sense

I’m sorry Mrs Jackson 

I am for real 

Okay there’s my humour coming back 

I’m glad to be free to speak 

That’s why I write things 

I don’t care if anyone reads 

But maybe they will and it will mean something 

That’s cool too 

The universe is a funky little pumpkn

Especially with the platform of technology 

I can reference shit with an inbuilt link 

Would have been handy for my essays back in the day 

Look I just want to be able to meet my needs

Like every human should be able to do 

That’s why I want to care for children 

Help them get their needs met 

I honestly get it, parenting is FULL ON 

I get why kids grow up without their needs being met 

Because not every one can mind read or translate screeching 

But I feel like I’ve been raised to figure out how to MEET NEEDS

My own, and then others, children, whoever I can influence 

In fulfilling ways really 

I guess that’s the goal 

To lead 

Be my own 

Wahine Toa 

Filling my needs has meant money 

Which has been a tool which I cast out of my shed 

From a very young twisted age 

When I was made to feel ashamed 

For having money and choosing how to spend it

Thanks again to the dicks that taught me this 

Is she still bitter about this or? 

Lol, jokes make it better for five seconds 

The story is long but in short basically I fucked it all up 

When I bit my brothers ass cause he stole my toy 

Which, yeah, fair enough, I fuck shit up if things are unfairly taken from me

Then my grandma who is dead now ( cool ) had forsaken me 

Then would refuse to treat me well for the rest of my life 

Neglect me and shit, ridicule me and instil the classic shame 

For being my great self ya know 

Barbaric really 

Then write me poetry about how creative I am

Like, bitch please 

You can’t unfuck with my life now you realised it was a dick move 

Those bridges are burnt bitch 

Wow, vent vent vent 

Has to be said? Mmmm maybe in a less cunty way but that aint me today

So yeah money is a thing I am learning 

Thanks to the past conditioning 

It’s a universal blockage so I’m not half surprised 

I would really love it in my life 

So I can love and care for myself 

So I don’t have to depend on people who can’t do that for me 

Let alone, themselves right!?

Think we’re all learning this right?

So how do you learn to do money?

Well... find the energy that attracts it instead of repels it

Learn to use it wisely for future benefits 

Learn to keep the river flowing constant abundance in and out 

To you and through you 

Hibernate in the winter, keep like squirrels collecting them nuts 

Not just for the now time, for the winter

But if you collect too many and leave them to rot that’s not a flowing river 

So it’s about learning the skills, how to use the tool for abundance 

The dance with life we all are worthy of 

How have I committed to this? 

#1: Decide to stop doing shitty stressful jobs that don’t fulfil me and provide for me in equal abundance of energy exchanges, preferably looking for work with perks that I love and with downsides that I am not too bothered by. 

( I decided upon home based one on one childcare because it’s a nurturing job for me and for the world in order to help people and help myself thrive )

#2: TRAIN OR GET EXPERIENCE OR PREFERABLY BOTH.

(I did my qualification in Nannying, it took 6 months and it was free, it was one of the best most nourishing fulfilling loving moments of my life so far, thank you)

#3: Get your foot in the door. 

( for me, this meant, get an in between starting job which paved my way in order to look forward to and manifest the perfect job to begin my career with )

( it was part time, it was full on, it was amazing because it gave me experience and a reference, it was fun, it had some perks, it also sucked sometimes but it was the perfect launching point... ) 

#4: Get through the period of time where you may not be earning or you may be earning very little, before you find the perfect work conditions that give you what you are so worth earning in exchange in order to sustain and fulfil your life. 

( yup, currently amidst this point, it is hard so hard at times for me, it is mentally consuming and emotionally breaking but it is the deep lesson about the squirrels collecting nuts for the winter... you need not so much that they will rot, you need just enough to get you through without meaning a period of starvation or you need to hiberate like bears. you just have to do whatever you can to get through this phase... its okay to ask for help, just ask people who you can trust to actually care about you and love you and support you, not people who have shown you that it’s conditional or that they actually can’t do this for you )

#5: Eventually, you will be in a cycle of river flowing freely and replenishing you all the time and life giving energy in abundance to you and through you. This is the place we all want to be with our work where we love what we do even on the hardest worst days and we are fulfilled with abundance in all areas of our lives, especially given equally abundant exchange of money to provide for our lives and our desires. 

( I have found the job, the conditons are right, I am working through the moments of stress and I am most of all waiting on those steady free flowing river pay checks of abundance... don’t get me wrong, I also need to learn how to be best with my nuts so that is the next step. I just so hope I can do so this time around because I don’t want to go through periods of starvation of my needs when it is so taxing and mentally emotionally crappy... I suppose though all of those pent up feelings had to come out somehow because I wouldn’t have ever had money blocks if they didn’t exist. Purging the blockages from your system is all part of the transformation here. So, I guess, I’m glad to be deep in full learning ) 

I just wish to feel better

To rewrite the feelings signatures that were assigned to me 

When I was just a young zero years baby 

So I guess the path is set... 

I’d like to see my needs met.

[mavwrekmarketing]

Image: Getty Images / d3sign

I don’t really like online dating at all. But once in a while I give it a try, just to see what happens.

Recently, I made an OkCupid profile. I wasn’t finding any good conversations or connections, but I stuck with it because hey, you never know.

But as we’ve seen in one viral story after another, it is not easy for women on dating apps (or social media in general) to avoid being berated.

SEE ALSO: Face it, Super Liking on Tinder is for losers

Messages from potential suitors

Like any woman on one of these apps, I got a significant amount of comments about my appearance and a lot of extremely forward, sexual messages.

But I’ve also gotten other kinds of messages that directly address my character. I am a very open person, so I mention on my profile that I work in media, am a feminist (I believe in the systematic, social and economic equality of the sexes) and that I am a nerd (I like pop culture and stuff). I also wrote that you should message me, “If you’re not a f*ckboy.”

If a guy can laugh at that, then we’re one step closer to getting along.

However, I also get called out for my social/political beliefs just as much as I am quizzed on how much of a nerd I actually am. I usually feel like Marissa Tomei’s character showing off her automotive prowess in that scene from My Cousin Vinny.

At this point, I’m used to it. If you’re a woman who works in the public eye in any capacity, you expect to get some crap thrown at you.

But then I was sent this delightful message:

(Warning: This message contains foul, potentially offensive language):

Image: Nicole Herviou

In full, the message (the first one the guy ever sent me) reads:

Anyone who writes “fuckboy” has no credibility as a human being. You’re not funny and your (sic) not original; you’re cunty and have nothing to offer to the conversation. A nerdgirl is so fucking original. You seem like every other misandrist, who invarably (sic) never experienced any hardship or legit discrimination. You probably crap out solipsistic, totally uninspiring shit for xojane..That or some dumbass thought piece for equally uptight tools. And you probably get your news from memes. Oh, and you do not get a chance to respond. Enjoy being a cunt and decidedly not unique.

At first, I tried to shake it off, but that was pretty much impossible. I wondered why the heck anyone would think it’s okay to send a message like this. My friends (who were amazing and supportive) wondered the same.

Why this is even a thing?

I think men who send messages like these are insecure in their own unhealthy ideas of traditional masculinity. Some people rely so heavily on their male privilege that if anything or anyone mentions that it may not be the best thing for society, they lash out. Their power is threatened and they don’t like it.

At first, I tried to shake it off, but that was pretty much impossible.

This is why men can sometimes act violently when they’re rejected by women.

Society undervalues women. We see it when convicted rapists are given short sentences so that their lives aren’t severely impacted by this one act, while the survivor has to live with it for the rest of her life, and when survivors who do speak out are often mistrusted. We see it when the right to make decisions about one’s own body is questioned and attacked. We see it when women are sexualized and demeaned constantly by advertisers and the media.

These societal actions teach men early on that women don’t have the same personhood as them. That leads to the misogynistic tendencies which teach men that they have a right to women’s bodies. It leads to catcalling, slut shaming, victim blaming and other atrocities that women face every single day.

But when men have the additional protection of distance and anonymity, they’re allowed to say things they’d never say to a woman’s face. Just take the comments made to women who work in sports media as an example.

This smokescreen gives them even more “power” than they already have. That anonymity means that they face next to no repercussions for their hurtful, caustic words. The more they get away with saying these terrible things, the more likely they are to repeat their actions.

They get even more power whenno one calls them out on it. Although, no woman’s response to this kind of attack is invalid. It is completely acceptable to fight back. It is completely acceptable to block and ignore a person. Everything in between is OK, as long as you’re not doing any further harm to anyone involved. But when these men are not challenged, the perpetrator gets away with it and will ultimately do it again.

“Do not get a chance to respond,” huh?

As you may have noticed, the person who confronted me decided to tell me that I “do not get a chance to respond.” This made me laugh.

I could have easily sent an angry message back in the heat of the moment, but I decided to block and report him instead, letting the folks at OkCupid deal with it. (Though I don’t know if my actions are the reason, this user’s profile was deactivated only hours after I blocked him.)

Luckily, I’m pretty confident and messages like this don’t make me think less of myself. But that isn’t necessarily true for other young women who are sent this vitriol. And since I have a platform here at Mashable that not many other young women have, I decided I’d use it to bring up a few things to this person:

Luckily, I’m pretty confident and messages like this don’t make me think less of myself.

First of all, the statement that I have no credibility as a human being is simply false. You can’t glean that from a joke on my profile. And if you don’t think it’s funny, that’s just fine with me.

Second, *you’re.

Third, using a crass word for female genitalia as an insult shows class and maturity, and also shows me just how much you value women.

Being a “nerdgirl” (not a word) is not a ploy I use to appear “original.” It’s just a part of who I am and I wear it on my sleeve like the Batman costume I wore for Halloween when I was 3 years old. (It was too big for me, but I didn’t care. I strutted in that thing.)

I’m not a misandrist. I am very close with the men in my life and I adore them. I’d just like to be valued by society just as much as they are. And FYI, my best guy friend read your message and he doesn’t like you very much.

As for the hardship and discrimination I’ve faced, I’ve been through my share of tough times. I was bullied to the point of suicidal thoughts in middle school. I’ve been catcalled almost every day on my way to work this week. There are places I can’t go by myself at night for fear that I’ll be hurt in some way. But my feminism is intersectional, so I acknowledge that I have privilege because I’m straight, cisgender and white. I have not been discriminated against because of my race or sexual orientation, but I believe in the equality of people of color and those in the LGBTQ community. I know they experience their own set of difficulties and hurdles that make my life look easy.

As for where I write and work, I’m proud as hell to work for a company called Mashable. Not only is this where I get my news, it’s where I am surrounded by intelligent and wonderful people who support me enough to let me tell my story and share my voice.

How’s that for a “chance to respond?”

BONUS: The New OKCupid

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