#because i felt. deeply disturbed by that post. and deeply angered

[lettucedloophole]

- do not rb -

saw this really ableist post recently so this is going to come out of left field but i think it's. maybe good to consider the implications of immediately designating someone's existence as lesser due to lack of cognitive ability. this sounds stupid without context so i'm just going to say i saw a post about how "high functioning" autistic ppl shouldn't denounce a cure for autism bc "lower-functioning" people who can't be independent by themselves would benefit from it. op used the term "permatoddler" to describe such ppl and so it made me think if toddlers existences are useless. like if someone was theoretically a toddler forever would that be so bad?

it's hard to unpack, but i think a good rule of thumb to follow morally is life for life's sake. if someone's alive, they should live. yes? generally speaking, i think so. people should live unless they're unliving other people. and so, the burden of a toddler comes in-- does it take away from others' lives to care for someone else, is the question. inherently, is it a burden to care for others with no return. is lack of independence a burden. has negative implications not only for intellectually disabled ppl but physically disabled ppl and kids. not to be like a bioessentialist or whatever but i feel like it goes against the nature of like most of humanity to say caring takes away from human lives rather than enriches them . ..

second thing. who are we to say what existence is better than another, what's wrong or right... it sounds so trite and stupidly abstract but if someone is living and happy then do you have a right to impose change onto that person when they're not taking from others? if someone is a so severely intellectually disabled that an outside party feels their life is a pity, could they want that change for themselves if they're as helpless as op posits... i guess the answer i'm supposed to come to is "no, but it's objectively okay to force change because we know better." and i don't like that answer

third thing. posing negative behaviours (+emotions) of ppl with intellectual disabilities as innate to them rather than the effects of ableist society, namely, lack of care or, maltreatment... i don't believe that some people are just born bad. i cannot make myself believe that. even if it were true, how would i know? how would you, how would anyone know? the structures making things difficult for disabled people and everyone else are still in place.

is it unethical to keep the human race going if care is expected to be given to babies & kids? this is more tangential than directly related but it's about taking the burden of care narrative to its extreme.

this is not a well-thought out post. it's 4am and I didn't sleep well yesterday either. i was just bothered by that post and wanted to get my thoughts out about it. please do share if you guys have any thoughts about this as well.

[motherofplatypus]

This fic is inspired by @solargeist post, and i wanna see how far i can go. This will be based on the aftermath of session 4.

Also i make a cat =(^ • w • ^)=

***

As stressful as it was having two teammates who endanger themselves more than they endanger others, Grian loves Mumbo and Skizz unconditionally...to some extent, at least.

Like, sure, with the Wild Card being a menace and Skizz's skill in making traps should be considered a war crime, Grian cares for them deeply throughout the day. Yes, only during daytime, because at night time, boy does the urge to blow them up in their sleep almost felt too tempting.

Mumbo and Skizz talked in their sleep. Like, literally talk and even almost having a full coherent conversation, even laughing as if they're making jokes. How does that happen is anyone's guess, but Grian, having the fourth night of his sleep being disturbed, had reached his breaking point.

He got three choices: 1) Blow his teammates up; 2) Sleep outside, or; 3) He'd rather deal with zombies than doing Option 3.

Option 1 is tempting, but he's green, he can't kill. Option 2 is worth the risk, but getting shot by a skeleton every time he tried to sleep isn't a viable option either.

Like, he could just suck it up and force himself to sleep and be sleep deprived in the morning, but he's too petty for that.

So, option 3 it is, and he despise every moment of it.

He went over the bridge and climbed up the stairs. The three parrot statues looked menacing under the moonlight, as if telling him to turn back. Grian would love to, but at night, there's not really any place for him.

He reached the top of the mountain, the base for the Bamboozler. The place was dimly lit, but just enough to keep the mobs from spawning. He saw Jimmy and Lizzie sleeping on their bed, quite far away from one another, busy with their own dream.

Not far away from them was another bed, occupied by the last person Grian wanted to see tonight, and that same person was the one Grian approached.

Grian didn't bother to wake Scar up first. He lifted the blanket and set himself on the small bed. It creaked as Grian laid himself there, with his back facing Scar.

It's just for tonight, Grian thought to himself.

He changed position a bit and his back brushed against Scar's back, and he shuddered immediately. The pain from the arrow that pierced his back appeared once more like a ghost. Being stabbed in the back.

Betrayed.

Grian found himself shivered. He never had problems being stabbed in the back, being betrayed, or being killed. But to be killed like that by Scar? The one person he trusted would kill him in a grandiose way, and not the cheap, underhanded way? It stung his heart so deep it hurts.

It's not that he couldn't forgive, but it's not like he could trust him either now. For all he knows, Scar could wake up and stabbed him again right now to take a life from him.

Betrayed, that feeling has been engraved in his heart.

But then an arm wrapped around him, pulling him closer to the body behind him. The smell of fresh bamboo filled his lung, an like a drug, it calmed him down.

Soft breathing sound on his ear, quietly speaking to him. I'm sorry, said the silence.

There are words hanging by Grian's mouth. Curses, anger, sadness, all but at the tip of his tongue. And yet, even with his mouth slightly opened, there's nothing that came out but a sigh that relaxed him further, as he put his hand on that arm that holds him close.

When the daylight came, he may not be able to trust him again. But for now, he sleeps in the safety he's familiar with.

[yossipossi]

Hi hi hi hi hi hi!!! Time to fix your inbox with questions again! :D

1. If you're not uncomfortable with answering, what is your mistake which you regret the most on the scpwiki?

2. What are your favourite works from other SCP authors?

3. If Lillian (after containment) would end up in another GoI's hands, which one would you want it to be, and how would they treat her? (For me: it would be cool for her to get transported into VANGUARD or 6001 universe... wait i have an idea for a fanfic)

4. What's your opinion on minors getting into the SCP community?

5. When writing 8980, did you feel guilt for making Lillian suffer? And did you want to flay byrnes alive?

6. Do you think it would be possible for Lillian to develop androphobia due to her abuse?

7. I noticed that Byrnes was amnesticised with class E amnestics, if we follow the upgraded amnestics guide that means he remembers everythinf, but just doesnt care about it, was this intentional?

8. Would Flora Marinos beat up Byrnes if she had a chance? (I need confirnation)

9. What would be Marinos' reaction after reading 8980? Like, how did she feel like?

10. Opinion on r/fuckdrbyrnes?

1: Definitely uncomfortable answering that one in terms of non-fictional stuff, but in terms of writing... probably putting that email at the end of SCP-5545. It was a super clunky "here's the solution, reader!" instead of letting the reader sit with a more surreal, disturbing ending. I don't plan to rewrite it at some point, but I still kick myself at how much I mishandled that article lol

2: I actually am in the process of going through everything I've written on the Wiki and compiling the best articles into a recommendations list! If you want to read what I have so far, you can check it out here!

3: This is really tough because most of them are not all that nice. If I had to pick, probably the Serpent's Hand. I feel like they'd be sympathetic.

4: This is really tough for me to answer. I joined the community as a minor myself, but had some... not so great experiences with the adults in the community (all permabanned now, thankfully). I don't know what to think about whether the Wiki should allow minors; I have deeply conflicted feelings on the topic.

5: Ouch. But yes, I did feel guilty, the entire time. Part of why it was so hard to write. I still feel guilty about it, a bit, even though I know she's a fictional character I conjured up in my own brain. I do still hate Byrnes though.

6: Absolutely. She probably did.

7: Ah, I didn't really follow the amnestics guideline. Not enough flexibility for my setting to stay faithful to it.

8: Depends how old she is and how old Byrnes is. Probably not but I wouldn't rule it out if she got mad enough and he was weak enough.

9: Dread, anger, and despair. Basically whatever my readers felt when they read it the first time :p

10: Eh. I'm glad the story was compelling enough that it got people mad enough to make a subreddit about hating its primary antagonist, but at the end of the day it does kind of miss the point about how Byrnes was enabled by systematic negligence and patriarchical tendencies. Though I guess r/fuckthesystemthatsupportedbyrnes is less catchy.

I will say, though, that I am absolutely not a fan of the fact that they used to have rule 1 forbidden posts about sympathizing with Marley. That's fucked five ways to Sunday. Happy it was removed, at least.

[margridarnauds]

I think the fandom is generally uncomfortable with Dracula being this iconic character like Sherlock Holmes with so many takes on him, while most other characters and themes from the book are basically forgotten. It paralles too closely in their minds how abuse victims are often silenced while their abusers keep enjoying the society's respect. So, even if Dracmina wasn't a thing, perhaps then they would focus their hostility on comedic or children Dracula media (hell, I've already seen someone complain about Hotel Transylvania existing), or some other feature of Dracula mythos.

Sorry, I just remembered I had this sitting in my ask box, but I definitely agree! And for what it's worth...I do have a lot of complicated feelings about like. Rape culture and society telling victims that they actually REALLY wanted it/that they should be grateful that it was someone hot/etc. etc. etc. One thing that I think really...became clear early on in the whole DD thing was how many people, upon reading the novel for the first time, REALIZED that there were some pretty chilling descriptions of abuse and manipulation, that there was this entire side to the novel that is generally forgotten amidst the countless parodies of (specifically, Bela Lugosi's) Dracula. And I think that, even though a lot of the early DD posts were about Jonathan and Dracula being gay, a lot of abuse survivors, particularly queer abuse survivors, REALLY felt for Jonathan and saw themselves in him and saw Jonathan/Mina as the desire for normalcy that society often tells abuse survivors we can't have, because we're too fucked up. Even as I can be critical of ASPECTS of the fandom and how they approach things, I can see the really human reasons behind it.

It's always difficult with media that deals with abuse or that is generally relatable to abuse survivors because there's really no universal way that people cope with it (on the record for my particular circumstances, I'm more disturbed by the girlbossification of Rebecca de Winter that I see in a lot of academic takes on Rebecca than I am by Count Chocula, because Rebecca de Winter hits a lot closer to home for me, even though I can accept, on an objective level, that there are also reasons for people to identify with her as a character. I have to be really careful with how I interact with content for Rebecca as a result because if I'm not careful, I end up in this spiral of agitation and anger and I don't really want that to be my overall experience.) I see posts that are like "how is how you write REAL abuse survivors" and it's undoubtedly true for that individual person's experience but also does not hit home for another percentage of abuse survivors, who feel like they're being told that their experiences are being minimized and invaldiated. And it's difficult as well because it's obviously something that's really, deeply personal, and it leads into people....getting very attached to headcanons or interpretations that align the closest with their experiences. (And, again, on the record, I'm not putting myself on some perch, looking down on people who do this -- I do it, too, I think it's natural to do it, I just try to be honest with myself when I do it so that I am more at peace.)

All this to say: I agree with you and I get why people might be dismayed by the general pop culture prevalence of Dracula, especially if they see someone who deeply hurt them in the past IN Dracula, and particularly when their major experience with Dracula before might have, for example, been Bram Stoker's Dracula, which is very romanticized, which might cause them to go to Dracmina as the Root of All Evils (and, again, I think that there are more complex reasons why a lot of Dracula adaptations aren't...particularly good, either as horror or romance when they CHOOSE to do the latter, which is rarer than people think, and it doesn't hurt that, in general fandom culture, it's always easier to blame M/F ships/shippers as opposed to heteronormativity, homophobia, rape culture, etc.) Basically, I think the horse is well and out of the stall, there's no closing the barn door at this point when it's in the next county, but I can also see why people can feel disturbed or disheartened when Dracula adaptations don't deal with it. (Again, on the record, I hated it when the Dark Shadows 2012 remake totally removed Willie Loomis' complexity for humor and that Barnabas does abuse him in the early run of the show.) As we've established: I love vampirefucking, BUT I can also feel deeply uncomfortable with certain rape culture-y aspects of some adaptations (and, honestly, worse rape-culture-y aspects of some academic takes on the novel.)

Though this conversation also reminds me that this book chapter exists:

(From "Make America Hate Again: Trump-Era Horror and the Politics of Fear". I didn't have time to really read it or give it the attention it deserved because I was looking at this book for...a paper that for once had absolutely nothing to do with vampires, but it actually looked well done.)

[lyledebeast]

Re your post on Thomas and a new era. I like that joh mentioned Thomas originally being angry and bitter. On one hand that was very unhealthy for himself and for the way he treated others BUT on the other I always felt a little uncomfortable about how a big part of his redemption arc is about him becoming grateful and being "tamed" so to speak. It wasnt "Thomas does some self exploration and releases that taking out his frustration on his peers is wrong and there are more productive ways to act out against the system" it was more like "Thomas accepts his station in life and learns that being nice and grateful regardless of the sh*t thrown your way is the right way to live because at the end of the day the symbiotic relationship between loyal servant and benevolent landowners is a public good and there are certainly no systemic issues which need to be addressed".

Yeah, I agree with you that it wasn't the healthiest possible way for Thomas to be, but it's still what I love and enjoy about him, lol! In their tags on that post, @junkshop-disco wrote "I think what I wanted for Thomas was for him to be angry and bitter with company and to slowly heal some of his wounds" (I hope you don't mind me responding to you here). And I agree! That would have been ideal. The trouble is that Lord Julian Fellowes was never going to write that because, for some reason, he seems to find the anger of marginalized people deeply disturbing (see also Tom Branson) even as he claims to support the results that anger helped to achieve.

Given the choice between Thomas as an angry, bitter, scheming footman and Thomas as leaving the country to live with a man he barely knows because he thinks it's "[his] best chance at happiness," I'll take the first any day!

It's also worth mentioning there was very little in the way of progress towards gay rights in 20th C Great Britain prior to the Wolfenden Report of 1957. Fellowes could not rewrite history, which makes linking Thomas's happiness to overturning systemic issues a bit problematic. But, all of these changes began with gay men, and other marginalized groups, coming together, in anger and bitterness but also love and solidarity, and there is no good reason why Fellowes couldn't have shown that.

[louisetaylor]

Hot Take

So people have already noticed the similarities between Victor Frankenstein and Percy Shelley (both being a Douche Bag, as it were) but I've never seen anyone go further into the implications of that.

Mary Shelley as the monster, and Percy Shelley as Victor Frankenstein. Percy brought Mary into a new world of intelligence, independent thought, artistic beauty, and enormous potential. (His Prometheus Bound showed him identifying with Prometheus, who in some myths Created Humanity and gave it the dangerous gift of Fire.) Just as Victor brought the monster into the world. (Oh wait, I just remembered that Frankenstein's subtitle is The Modern Prometheus.)

Victor, raised in an alpine paradise of safety and love, was deeply disturbed by the death of his mother. In his grieving (slightly maddened) mind, it's implied that he wants to bring his mother back to life. Perhaps Mary saw Percy as wanting her to be a motherly figure to him. After briefly checking Wikipedia, it appears that Shelley had a peaceful childhood close to his mother and sisters, after which he was bullied at school and developed an interest in gunpowder, acids, and electricity, once electrically shocking a teacher. Like Victor, he may want to return to that paradise through Mary.

Mary lost a child. Maybe she wished that child back to life. She was denied the role of mother, which was pushed on women back then, but still may have been close to her heart. Did she have to act like a nurturing mother to Percy? Maybe she truly wanted to. Either way, as I think someone's already said, Victor tries to create life without the usual path of Birthing Mother. Motherhood is not a major theme of the book--the absence of the mother is.

Everyone says Victor Is A Douche Bag, which makes for a few funny posts, but that doesn't do justice to the Deeply Upset young man who has just been cast out of a childhood paradise upon the death of his mother, isn't quite sane, and (as Percy did at school) throws himself into dark science and the occult. Percy (in Prometheus Bound) expresses such great dreams of a paradisal world of kindness and beauty. Mary saw him for what he was, a genius with a warm heart. Victor wasn't just a Douche Bag; he was Vulnerable and Sick and Alone and Not Quite Sane.

Whatever Percy's problems, Mary wasn't just a Badass Woman who's Done with her Douche Husband's Sh!t. She was a lonely young woman with a cheating husband and three lost babies, who was so much more than her relationships but still deeply needed love and connection. Even in a house of creatives, the society of like-minded people she'd finally managed to reach, she was estranged (like the monster himself, wanting to enter the society of humans but watching them in secret).

Maybe Mary felt like a monster. Oh, she knew she was intelligent and human as the rest of them, but still she might have felt clumsy and ugly and scary. Don't women sometimes feel like they can't offend or hurt anyone or they'll be a dangerous monster? And now we come to Mary's mother, Mary Wollstonecraft, who died 11 days after giving birth to her. Like Victor, Mary Shelley herself was missing her mother. Unlike Victor/Percy, she never had the childhood paradise of a loving mother. She loved Victor/Percy and deeply connected to his memory of a happy childhood, his present mother, his freedom to learn from the best schools and pursue his occasionally dangerous interests, his freedom to BE dangerous. Mary probably feared being dangerous (as lots of women do) and, unlike Percy, saw the danger in Dark Occult and Scientific interests, even as they interested her.

She also has some similarity to Victor herself. Like Victor, she grows interested in a Dark Dangerous Thing (Percy, with his experiments and anger issues) and involves herself with said Dangerous Thing.

(On an unrelated note, the name Victor is tragically ironic because Victor means Winner, and Victor does not Win. He was destined from birth, named by his loving parents, to have great potential and help people with his naturally kind heart. Like the monster, he comes back Wrong.)

Victor loves a girl who's raised as his sister but isn't related to him. She's always in the distance; he doesn't tell her about the monster because he wants to protect her from all the terrible story. But since he doesn't tell her, since he doesn't involve the woman he loves in his dangerous creative life, the creature kills her. And as he turns his back on the creature, the creature turns its back on him and turns evil. He could have saved the creature, could have saved his wife. When the Could-Have enters the story, that's where the story turns to tragedy.

Here's where the story of Victor and the Creature diverges from the story of Percy and Mary. Until now, Mary has showed a near-Tolkienian ability to write an original story influenced by the spiritual tragedies and loves and losses of her own life and Percy's, both before and after they met each other. But now the Creature, unlike Mary, ceases to care whether he hurts anyone or not. He leaves, and Victor finally follows him. Sickening and weak and weary, Victor walks alone into the cold, determined to kill the Creature before it hurts anyone else.

On briefly checking Wikipedia again, we find that Mary believed in compassion and understanding over Percy's individualistic Romanticism. As in many of Shakespeare's tragedies, if Percy/Victor had involved his wife in his creative life and work, listened to her, the story might be saved. The absence of the mother (which for her didn't just mean a literal mother, but the caring love and understanding she missed in her stepmother and possibly in Percy himself) influences the whole story and turns it toward tragedy.

She was educated by her father, who believed in Individualistic Anarchy, like his follower Percy Shelley (that's how she met Percy). Two of her later novels are about a woman "educated under a tyrannical father figure". Both in Frankenstein and in her later novels, she rose above the Individualistic Anarchy of her father and husband (I'm sure Percy's friendship with Byron didn't help) to write of the motherly Compassion and Understanding she'd missed in her own life.

She loved Percy/Victor, regardless of his issues. In the end, Victor/Percy is tired, worn out, sick, but still gentle and lovable and kind at heart, traveling into the cold to stop the Creature. If anyone could see through the drama and madness to Percy's inner kindness and warm heart, it was Mary. Like Victor following the Creature, she followed him through cold and hardship and social rejection. The subject of social rejection brings to mind the strict morality of Victorian Europe, which rejected the unmarried Percy and Mary as it rejected the Creature for his dangerous humanity. Humanity, both in the Creature and in Victor, is dangerous. But Mary liked both its warmth and its danger. In some ways she was as mad as Shelley. His wild looks were what attracted her to him.

Mary, like her lost mother, did rise above the Social Rule of Women Only Being Mothers. Both her literal motherhood and her motherly compassion were by choice, and for the sake of that compassion she wrote as intelligently and passionately as her husband, invented two literary genres, and took care of her son. But she was no prig. She was nineteen and hungry and free, as passionate as Shelley himself. She wasn't a Loving Stifling Mother warning her poor dissolute son to stay out of trouble. She was inventive, bringing to life a strange and frightening story of a beautiful, lovable, vulnerable madman who remains kind of hot to this day.

[smokefalls]

Title: Babel Author: R.F. Kuang Publication Year: 2022 Publisher: Harper Voyager Genre: fiction, fantasy, historical fiction

[Note: I read this book in November 2022, but am only publishing quotes and a review now because the HarperCollins union have finally gotten their contract, meaning I will return to posting content from books published by HarperCollins.]

I’ve sat on this review for months (primarily because of the HarperCollins strike), but I think it helped to reflect on what I took away from Babel. I want to begin and say that Babel is absolutely brilliant. It is scathing, well-researched, and more. As a racialized academic in the humanities, Kuang touched on many things that deeply resonated with me, but one thing she got across wonderfully was the agonizing love/hate relationship that historically marginalized people have while in academia. I felt a lot of catharsis reading this book and sincerely empathized with Robin’s grief and Griffin’s anger in particular.

I can see how Kuang deliberately crafted her characters to be more than characters. They are part of a larger, very layered commentary on the violent, isolating nature of academia and its ties to powerful institutions and systems. Babel is a fascinating yet disturbing exploration of how disrupting the status quo, especially at institutions like Oxford, is a complex act of violence, depending on who is the one writing history.

I’ve seen some of the criticisms of this book. I feel confident in saying that some were terrible takes (I don’t need to rehash them, especially if you’ve seen them on other social media platforms), but I think there were some valid criticisms as well. I agree that the pacing of the book was a bit awkward, thinking back on my reading experience, and realizing that part of the reason why it took so long for me to get through this book was due to pacing. Another understandable critique was the desire to see the fantastical elements of this book to be fleshed out more (though this didn’t really bother me, personally). A third critique I saw that I do want to respond to is about the heavy-handed nature of the book. I can see why some may not like this, but… as a marginalized scholar in the humanities (and one who has gotten a degree in the United Kingdom), I can say with absolute confidence that this is our reality. It can be very in your face in the most appalling ways. A great example of this is when someone outright tells Robin’s cohort, “We accept you not despite, but because of your foreign backgrounds.” These moments are frequent throughout Babel, but Kuang is simply portraying what racialized academics face and the different ways these play out.

Babel is by no means perfect, but when it comes to the heart of the content, it is a tour de force in literature about academia. Babel is a desperately needed book in this realm of literature, especially with how frequently romanticized academia is to an alarming degree. This book truly brings the “dark” in “dark academia,” and no matter how heavy-handed the book may seem, I hope it brings some awareness to the power dynamics and lasting colonial legacies of the academic world.

(I have a lot of thoughts on this book, and all the notes I’ve written on this book barely make it in this review, but just know that this one hit very close to home.)

Content Warning: racism, death, colonialism, child abuse, violence, classism, slavery, colorism, sexism, murder, suicide, xenophobia, toxic friendship, grief

[unlimitedhearts]

I want to highlight too that celebrity hate brigades can also have a detrimental psychologicalveffect to bystanding fans. Association with the thing or person being hate mobbed makes you fear that someone will hate mob you next even if its not logical.

Even back when all of this was in vogue and hating John Green was the cool thing to do - I was a teenager on tumblr who wanted to be a writer because John Green's work touched me DEEPLY. I read Paper Towns and it Changed me enough to where I still think about how I could possibly make anything as meaningful to anyone as that one book was to me. I came to tumblr with a love for John Green and his work only to be met with this horrific vitriol toward a man that, as far as I was aware, had done nothing.

That vitriol trickled into my own subconscious and I started to wonder if I was a bad person for liking John Green's work. So by the time the TFIOS movie was out - I didn't say a thing about it. I didn't talk about the book outside of one post i made of my pre order copy coming in the mail. I didn't talk about being an active member in the Nerdfighter community. I didn't even write anymore because I was afraid I would piss someone off that I didn't mean to. I felt sorry for John. He was nothing short of one of the most genuine people I'd had the pleasure to internet meet and im fairly sure both him and Hank Green were directly responsible for steering my adolescent internet journey into a good one.

Speaking of Hank... its quite disturbing to me that John got the brunt of the internets anger for daring to be Creative In The Wrong Way and Being Neurodivergent, Hank was often lauded. Both by tumblr and larger swathes of the internet I have rarely if ever seen Hank Green be treated with the same Cringe Hammer that John Green has. Is it because he does science? Is it because his Neurodivergency is closer to ADHD and therefore more acceptable than OCD and Anxiety? Is it because he didn't write YA at the turning of the tide against YA in the pop culture?

Something tells me the same cancel culture/purity culture people would have had a thing or two to say about An Absolutely Remarkable Thing and A Beautifully Foolish Endeavour if they released in the years 2012-2015. Raking him over the coals for much the same as they did John. For these perceived slights in a fictional work that had nothing to do with them. But because Hank didn't release his books during Tumblrs heyday, that never happened.

All John Green ever did was write his stories, say what he needed to say, and be openly Neurodivergent on the internet. And because everyone on tumblr couldn't stand the idea of someone being earnest on the internet, they crucified him for it. John Green deserves an apology. From the people who harassed him, from people who didn't, from everyone. He didn't deserve an iota of the shit he got for no reason.

I can't stress enough how much the John Green debacle was an early example of how cancel culture and purity culture combine to make people feel righteously justified to engage in harassment.

John Green, during his time on tumblr, committed the heinous sins of...being neurodivergent and talking openly about it, earnestly interacting with fans in a very direct and unfiltered way, and writing about teenagers navigating first love and sexuality while he himself was an adult. The worst things he ever did were be a little cringe or misspeak, for which he was always prompt to apologize (often whether he really needed to or not).

Yet despite the former two being things tumblr claimed to love and the last one being true of 99.99% of YA authors, in this case a large segment of tumblr users steeped in the early 2010s resurgence of purity culture decided that these things were suspicious and predatory, and used that as an excuse to justify some truly awful behavior.

Which is really all that cancel culture is: the normalization and even celebration of the process of misapplying morality or ethics to dehumanize someone for the express purpose of justifying whatever pain and suffering you want to inflict upon them. Basically, deciding "this person is bad, so I am exempt from affording them basic respect and human dignity, and am allowed to cross any and all otherwise uncrossable lines in order to punish them without damaging my own moral or ethical standing."

Contrary to popular tumblr lore, the infamous "cock monologue" was not the sum total of the harassment, or even the worst of it. Callout blogs issued long lists of "receipts" about how terrible John Green was, most if not all of which were either taken out of context or completely refutable. His works were torn to shreds by people who'd never read them, as evidenced by much of the criticism being obviously and blatantly counter to the actual contents of the books.

Not that it mattered. Once the John Green hate party reached a certain level of critical mass, it became less about who he actually was or what he'd done, and more about proving you were a good person by hating him. That's the natural conclusion of cancel culture, after all: virtue signalling by identifying yourself in opposition to the cancelled parties. They're bad, and I'm good, so I hate them! Or, more often: They're bad, and I hate them, so I'm good!

Before it was over with, John Green had been accused, with no evidence, of being everything from a Nazi to a pedophile and subjected to hate mail and death threats. He eventually left the site for the sake of his own mental health, and because he no longer felt comfortable engaging directly with fans in the same way he once had.

Yet even now, with the benefit of hindsight, and even among those who ostensibly reject purity culture and condem bullying and harassment, very few on tumblr take what was done to John Green as seriously as it should be taken or condemn it as thoroughly as it should be condemned. Which I think is something we need to at least consider doing, given the increasing rise of purity and cancel culture online, and given the recent influx of professional creators eager to interact with fans on a more direct level than they have on other social media.

And my concern is not purely, or even primarily, for the Mike Flanagans and Lynda Carters of the world. I'm far more concerned, actually, for the small, independent or self-published creators in this space, and how much even a very small level of visibility gives too many people a feeling of carte blanche to engage in harassment.

I myself have less than 3k followers on here, a handful of popular posts, and zero notoriety or consequence outside of tumblr whatsoever, and I've been repeatedly told to kill myself for saying such innocuous things as "I don't think censorship is the cure for the world's evils" and "maybe learning the history of communities you want to participate in would be a good idea."

Thankfully, all it took for me to stop the harassment that came my way was to block those few individuals. But there have been many instances over the years of small creators or just random tumblr users that got a bit popular being stalked, doxxed, swatted, and harassed to the point of leaving the site and dealing with serious mental health issues as a result. It has never been just John Green. John Green isn't even the worst example. And tumblr has never learned its lesson.

[alicewrotethis]

𐙚ᣟ݂﹒𝐠𝐞𝐥 𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐬﹒

ㅤ۫ㅤ ˚ ۪˖𓏲﹒synopsis!! ushijima is faced with a new foreign feeling towards you ㅤ ˖ㅤㅤ۫ㅤ ˚౨ cw!! u. wakatoshi x fem!reader, sfw ﹒ ◠ note!! ushijima my beloved dhdh ͘pt.2 coming soon!! just wanted to post this to get stuff out there ! not proofread౨ wc!! 1,8k part.2

"Satori!" You shouted, hands balled into fists as you banged them against the wooden door. Your brother, tendou, had a bad habit of sleeping in late despite the twenty alarms that wake everyone up in the house but him.

This was the third time this week he'd be late to his early practice, and under normal circumstances, you wouldn't care but today was different. Today his alarms didn't stop, today his door was locked, and it was five in the morning.

"Satori if you don't wake up I'm gonna scrub the toilet with your toothbrush again!" You shouted once again, fists meeting the door another four times and within a matter of seconds the obnoxious beeping came to a stop, and so did most of your anger and hatred for your brother in that moment.

You could hear faint thudding come from the other side of the door before it creaked open.

"What do you mean again?" A bedheaded tendou appeared in the crack of the door, his voice was hoarse like he had cotton mouth.

You hadn't even realized that in your fit of rage you revealed the secret you had been keeping from tendou. You could practically feel the fear radiating off tendou, the longer you remained silent the more his expression dropped.

"You're joking, right? You haven't done that before?" Tendou opened the door more to get a better look at your expression.

instead of giving him a straightforward answer, you brought your wrist up, "Oh look at the time, I've got to get ready" You spoke, quickly turning your heel and dashing towards the safe confines of your room.

"You don't even own a watch!" Tendou yelled as you turned away, his face still one of horror. He knew he'd have to get a new toothbrush soon, he couldn't trust you.

The walk to school was chilly, the crisp air biting the tip of your nose as you made your way to the entrance of Shiratorizawa, opening the door you were met with a warm breeze, a nice contrast from the cold weather.

With a shiver, you made your way straight to your first class, history, which arguably was your least favorite class. Not because of the history or teacher, but because there was one classmate you hated more than anyone, Ushijima Wakatoshi. You hadn't had any specific reason for hating your brother's best friend other than the fact he was an emotionless asshole who also happened to be your brother's best friend.

You couldn't understand how someone could go a whole day with the same expression plastered on their face, if you had a dollar for every time you saw ushijima smile you'd be in major debt.

You set your bag on the hook next to your desk and sat down, your notebook was splayed out in front of you with your favorite gel pen, it was your favorite color with little hints of sparkle in it and you always kept two just in case one got lost.

The sound of a quiet bell filled the room and everyone took their proper seats, dispersing from their friends as the teacher took his rightful place in front of the class, setting his own bag down on the desk.

You stared out the window to your right as the teacher explained the lesson he would be teaching for today.

"Everyone should have their notebook and pen, including you Ohira." The teacher spoke, turning his back to write something on the board, quiet giggles coming from your classmates.

You felt a light tap on your shoulder which snapped you out of your trance, turning to your left you locked eyes with Ushijima, his usual expression plastered on his face leading to annoyance bubbling in your chest.

You gave him a confused look, not wanting to disturb anyone paying attention.

"Do you have a pen?" He whispered deeply, "I lent mine to your brother and haven't gotten it back yet."

Despite everything in you telling you to ignore him and let him suffer the consequences of trusting your brother to return things on time, you felt bad for the guy in some sadistic way.

You nodded, rolling your eyes as you dug around in the pocket of your bag, grabbing a gel pen and handing it to Ushijima who then stared at the color and sparkle of it.

"Do you have one that's less sparkly?" He looked at you once more.

Staring back at him you shook your head with a slight attitude, "Beggars can't be choosers, and that's a great color." You said, opening the cap to your own pen and copying the notes down in your book with ease.

"I wasn't begging." He retorted, copying the same actions as you with ease.

"A thank you would be nice." You mumbled under your breath, not expecting him to pick up on your remark.

"Thank you" He spoke softly, just loud enough for you to hear. You couldn't help the slight blush that fluttered your cheeks.

The rest of the lesson went fairly smoothly and before you knew it the bell chimed once again, signaling it was lunchtime. Not even a second passed before people were packing up and opening the doors to meet with their friends or head to the gym, which is what Ushijima did.

You didn't pay him much mind when he left the classroom, too focused on opening your bento to be greeted with the delightful smell of your favorite food. You were practically drooling at the sight as your hunger quickly caught up to you.

You got a few bites in before you remembered Ushijima never gave you your pen back, ironic how Tendou stole his and now he steals yours? What would you do if you lost the one you have now? What pen would you use? You couldn't just ask to borrow someone else's. You sighed before packing up your bento and heading towards the men's volleyball gym.

Your mind was racing for reasons you couldn't even understand, you were sure why you were so nervous, it would be quick. Just in and out. Simple as that.

Moving the net away from the door you slipped in, the sound of volleyballs hitting the ground and sneakers against the floors echoed off the walls. Looking around you searched for the familiar head of hair but to no avail.

"Hey, sis, what're you doing here?" Tendou ran up to you, a thick layer of sweat on his forehead.

"I'm looking for Ushijima, have you seen him?" You asked, hoping he wouldn't get the wrong idea.

"Sure have, he's right behind you actually," Tendou spoke, lifting his hands and pointing to the tall figure leaning over you.

Turning around you were slightly spooked by his height, it never failed to surprise you just how freakishly big this guy was.

Ushijima had on a plain black shirt with his usual gym shorts, and his hair was slightly disheveled.

Craning your neck up to meet his olive eyes your words got lodged in your throat, the sight of him made you speechless. The way his hair clung to his wet forehead, despite only being a few feet from him his scent was powerful, like how a fine leather would smell, with a slight tinge of pure musk.

Ushijimas expression changed to one of confusion as he raised an eyebrow at your lost face.

"I, uh, pen," You stuttered out, "My pen,"

"You came here for your pen back?" He asked, confused about why you'd miss lunch for a gel pen.

"It's my backup pen," You explained, your nerves slowly calming down, "It's important."

Ushijima let his face contort to one of amusement, a small smirk adorning his lips as he nodded and led you to his bag that was sitting atop a bench.

You were intriguing to Ushijima, but he couldn't quite figure you out. Despite you being his best friend's sister, he never took the time to actually get to know you, it was an unspoken line in their friendship. Though he didn't see himself getting along with you either way, Ushijima thought you were stubborn and rude from what Tendou has told him.

Who uses someone's toothbrush to scrub the toilet? But, knowing Tendou, he might've deserved it. What he did know was that you were smart and presented yourself well, however, that is what was required to get into a school like Shiratorizawa, so it wasn't that much of a secret.

Grabbing the pen out of his bag he turned and handed it to you, only he let go too soon before you could grab it causing it to fall onto the floor.

You sighed and leaned down, too preoccupied to realize Ushijima was doing the same thing, and before you knew it your foreheads met with a slight thud. Your hands launched up to cup your forehead as you hissed, tears pricking in the corners of your eyes. How thick was this guy's skull?

"My apologies," Ushijima spoke, his eyes scanning over your form, worried about your being.

His hands came up to meet yours, moving them away to assess the damage, oblivious to the flush that lined your skin at his actions. You stared at the way his hands practically engulfed yours. His felt rough and cold, a contrast to your soft and warm hands, it was enough to send a shiver down your spine, making you forget the pin of your head.

His thumb slid across your forehead before he retracted them, swiftly picking the pen back up and placing it in your hands properly this time.

Ushijima wouldn't deny the fact that he found you attractive and that the closeness of your proximity made his heart rate shoot through the roof, but the feeling was so foreign to him that he couldn't understand it. He was never good with these kinds of things since he never had time to indulge in things past one-night stands, and for once, Ushijima didn't know what to do. You're Tendou's sister. He knew he shouldn't be curious about you, he shouldn't wanna get to know the true you.

"Does it still hurt?" He asked, still staring down at you.

"No, thanks for worrying," You spoke softly, not daring to meet his gaze. "I should get back," Your hand cupped your elbow nervously, hoping he didn't notice the state you were in.

You knew feeling this way would lead to nothing good down the road, and on any normal day, you couldn't stand the guy. Maybe the head bump gave you a minor concussion.

"See you around." He said, watching you turn and head towards the exit of the gym.

Your fists clenched tightly around the pen, knuckles turning white, you weren't sure what to make of the whole situation and you hoped it didn't change the way you'd interact or view him, you hoped to whatever was out there that you'd come to your senses after today and that the familiar feeling of annoyance and hatred would soon return to your body.

You quite missed the feeling.

mlist. rules. tags.

© 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐄𝐖𝐑𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒 ─ please don't copy, translate, or post any of my work without my permission !

[shanks42]

Shanks: The ancient prophecy of the missing millennia

Sorry for the wait. I will post a new section of the story probably every 2 to 3 days. Thankyou for the patience. I will be making a master list to find the links easier today for y'all. :)

Chapter 10: Robin and Nami see Shanks again

They finally arrive at the infirmary and both take a deep breath before opening the door and entering. They teared up at the sight in front of them and started crying. There layed Shanks, bandaged from head to toe in gauze, some areas thicker. He had IVs in his arms and was on a breathing machine as they watched his chest slowly rise and fall. His heart rate was stable and breathing steady, face scrunched up like he was in terrible pain even after Chopper gave him painkillers.

Robin went and sat on the other bed in the room and began shuffling through his medical charts. Meanwhile Nami grabbed a chair from the corner of the room and placed it directly by the bed, grabbing Shank’s hand with hers and kissing his fingers one by one. “I’m so sorry this had to happen to you. It was because Blackbeard saw Robin and I on your boat huh? How did he ever find out you are the Red Dragon out of those legends.” said Nami; Just then they saw his heart rate spike and breath hitch like he knew it was her.

Robin walked over with the other chair and started to gently stroke Shank’s head gently massaging it, minding the injuries already there. “It looks like you’ve been through literal hell sweetie. What did they do to you? Surely it can’t be good.” whispered Robin loud enough for Nami to look up. “I don’t know, but those bastards are going to pay for hurting the man we have come to love so deeply in the last 2 years. This is inexcusable and they will pay dearly for it with their lives” hissed Nami. Anger came off her in waves before Robin gently grabbed her cheek and told her to calm down and how it wasnt good for Shank’s right now.

Nami and Robin were suddenly awoken by the machine showing heart rate spiking and uneven breathing. They hadn’t realized they fell asleep leaning over the bed, they both looked up and saw sweat beading on his brow and him shaking violently. Robin used her 'cien fluor' to hold the shaking captain down on the bed as Nami climbed on top, straddling him as she grabbed his face in her hands and gently called out to him. 

The look on his face was pain, fear and something else that they couldn't put their fingers on. Robin kept holding him down as she gently started stroking his hair as Nami continued to call out his name calmly trying to pull him out of whatever nightmare he was having. When nothing else worked, Nami leant down and kissed him causing him to relax instantly. Robin released her hold and was putting her hand down when a bandaged hand suddenly grabbed it and pulled it up to a bandaged chest where Nami’s hand was. 

They both looked down and were surprised to see tired maroon eyes looking between the two of them. He weakly smiled and grimaced in pain “mmm hurts” he mumbled barely coherently. “Let me call the doctor and get them in here” said Nami as she gently climbed off of Shanks and crossed the room to the transponder snail.

 “I missed you, more than you know. I was so heartbroken when I found out what happened. Nami felt the same way. You can’t leave us, please don’t leave us.” Robin said quietly as not to disturb Nami as she called Law. “I missed my girls too. I’m sorry this happened and I wasn’t strong enough. There were too many of them all at once” weakly replied Shanks as Nami walked up hearing all of it. “Robin was right, you had us so worried that we had lost you. After you promised to take us and the straw hats to explore the world with you hehe” lightly said Nami ending in a laugh. 

Just then Chopper and Law walked into the room smiling looking down at Shanks. “Good to see you awake so soon, let’s get these pain killers down. Are you hungry, can you maybe sip on some broth??” asked Chopper as he checked his vitals and Law administered the Painkillers. After receiving no answer they looked and realized he had succumbed to sleep again. “He should be fine, if he has nightmares I'm sure you guys can handle it but if anything happens or gets out of control let us know.” said Law and he and Chopper walked out of the room. Nami and Robin were beyond tired and finally decided to crawl into bed with Shanks and hold him as they passed out. Amazingly no nightmares came that night.

[deceitful-darlings]

I’ve been reading a lot of SAGAU post recently, and I feel the need to throw out an idea that really doesn’t seem to have been explored all that much. Most of the time people talk about the creator being dropped back and them immediately recognised as an imposter or being summoned normally through Dragonspine or starting back in Mondstadt.

But what if they dropped back into Inazuma before the Inazuma ark, or possibly even before the events of the game take place and aren’t aware of their godly position?

Imagine living in through the horrors of the Vision Hunt Decree, the cruelty of the commissions. Being taken in by the International Trade Association because you have no papers and no clue how you got there, having them smuggle you documents using Thoma’s help, being subjected to and seeing the constant extortion and manipulation of the Kanjou commission, the passiveness of the local in their treatment of outsiders, the complete lack of care towards the treatment and the cruelty of the Vision Hunt Decree.

Of course, you’d seen it in game (possibly, maybe you hadn’t even got that far so it’s all new horrors), but to experience the discrimination in reality is a very different feeling. Naturally, being the fixer you end up getting close to Thoma and running errands for him to pay him back for everything he’s done for you and you slowly get used to your difficult life on Ritou. But that doesn’t mean it comes easily or that you can just accept the way you’re treated. At first, it’s just a shitty situation that you have no control over, but as time goes on your dreams start to become...strange.

You see snapshots of a past that isn’t your own, of pure darkness being shaped and changed. The scenes over time feel more familiar and you feel a pull to start searching more deeply in yourself, so over time you take time through meditation, the only thing you can think of to think of. It’s this self searching alongside interacting with Teyvat that unlocks your ‘constellations’ so to speak. You’re normal when you arrive, but over the months/years you unlock the abilities you had.

After enough interacting in the fields, the plants you want to help feed the your friends are so much easier to find, after helping them mine and source Crystal Marrow, it begins to become abundant whenever you try to source it. Soon you become pretty well known in the Trade Commission for your ‘good luck’ and everyone always wants you to help them that day as whenever you go blessings seem to follow, and of course the Kanjou commission notice too, and they make your life exponentially harder for it. Life is still difficult even with your newfound abilities just due to their harassment, the moment you step out of the Trade Commission you find yourself being subjected to interrogation and snide attitude from them, it’s only with Kirisu, Harrison, Thoma, and everyone else’s help that you’re able to get through the day without being hauled off by the Kanjou Commission for any number of arbitrary reason.

So how could you stay still when it came to you that the 100th Vision to be hunted was to be celebrated, and that Thoma was to be their victim? Your powers are a little stronger, you’re not fully there but perhaps strong enough to get Thoma out of there before they snatched it from him! You couldn’t bear to see Thoma lose his ambition, to even risk the possibility that he would become a shell of the amazing man he was. So, even with the International Trade Commission urging you not to for your own safety, fearful of what would happen to you, you go to the ceremony after holding Kirisu’s hands in your own and wishing him well, unbeknownst to you a blessing in itself.

You’ve never felt such anger as you did seeing Thoma bound like a criminal to be paraded to the masses, but with lightning already striking, the rain that pours with it isn’t anything new, and your body moves on its own. Disturbing Raiden Shogun’s power through Teyvat itself, dashing on stage and snatching up his Vision. The guards that step forward to stop you find the wood below their feet gives way, and the rope holding Thoma prisoner crumbles in seconds. Her glare is terrifying, but you can’t help but scream at her, all the thoughts you’d been holding in all this time, about her selfishness, how egocentric she is, that she’d rather find her damn blessed eternity through the suffering of her people than put in effort into an eternity that can embrace everyone as they are.

Her stare is chilling, for her this isn’t just about eternity, in her eyes, those that wield Visions are part of the reason the Divine Creator still sleeps, those Visions are born from their power, they shared it with Teyvat in the first place. Giving it back to Teyvat may bring them back. How dare you speak against her, how dare you belittle their Creator with your foul mouth!

The skies rumble even more, low and ominous as you glare right back despite shaking where you stand.

“If this so called Creator is happy to regain life from the destruction of their people’s ambitions, then they deserve no worship.”

That’s what set them off, even the residents gasp in shock at your spiteful words. The Tenryou Commission move to capture you, but not before you curse her out for her actions, and the two Commissions for their corruption. Of course Teyvat will do everything it can to stop th from taking you, you somehow escape with Thoma, and when you’re finally away you become overwhelmed by emotions. The anger at the unjustness of it all, the fear of facing the Archon alone and the realisation you could’ve died, the frustration of their offence when speaking of their Creator, how could they all just stand back and watch this happen to their own yet be so disgusted by a few words?!

And that’s when your tears overflow. You cling to Thoma and sob that you’re sorry you were late, that he had to go through that, that he should never have had to. He comforts you of course, laughing tiredly as he tries to put on a brave face, he’ll be ok, he says. He’ll go into hiding. But his words stop when he pulls you away to look into your eyes, his goal of advising you on what to do next lost. Your tears shine. They glimmer like liquid stars. You hadn’t even noticed that your later constallations unlocked physical attributes, the one you only just unlock through saving Thoma and the surge of power that came with those feelings the first to alter you physically.

And of course he knows. The legends of the Divine Creator and known throughout Teyvat, told as bedtime stories to children, so well known that the story in its entirety is hardly ever told, it doesn’t need to be.

And the glimmering tears the Creator shed became the oceans and streams, the light reaching the skies, etching their glow into the blanket of darkness their sun didn’t reach.

He drops to his knees in front of you immediately, he was already indebted to you for saving his life, but to know the Divine Creator themselves walked the earth and protected him, he can barely even register it.

You should go and join the resistance, even with the Yashiro’s relationships with them, he can’t leave the Divine Creator to make the journey to Watatsumi Island alone.

Honestly I have no idea where I was going with this, but maybe they join the resistance keeping their true identity a secret after Thoma tells them the legend, maybe they become aware after unlocking so many constellations. Do they stay on Watatsumi Island, or do they raise a new island from the ocean when they’re strong enough to, just outside the borders of Inazuma’s storms so they can all live peacefully in their cult, welcoming all Vision bearers and refugees with open arms while their resentment for Inazuma begins to affect the nation? Or do they choose benevolence?

[absurdist-shitpost]

Seen a lot of arguments about whether or not it was in character for c!Tommy to attempt to reach out to c!Dream in the finale, but not a lot about how OOC it felt for Dream to respond the way he did?

Like. I’m upset about how Tommy’s character was handled for a variety of reasons but judging the stream purely by ‘do the characters act in ways that feel realistic based on how they’ve previously been characterized’ I actually think c!Dream was done far dirtier.

C!Dream is genuinely one of my favorite characters. He makes for a terrifying villain while also feeling deeply human, (and I really don’t think we needed a sympathetic flashback to further humanize him, but that’s a different topic) he’s cruel and controlling and deeply self-centered, but at the same time he craves connection to others while refusing to admit to feeling any sort of attachment out of fear.

C!Dream has always struck me as a character Deeply Afraid of vulnerability. Deeply afraid of Losing Control. I’ve seen posts floating around about how Dream’s planning relies much more heavily on improvisation and luck then he admits, and this is for a reason! Dream doesn’t want to say that he messed up, or that something went wrong, instead he’d much rather say that he was sabotaged (usually by c!tommy) or that This Was Totally the Plan All Along Guys.

It makes perfect sense for Dream to act like this! He was always a competitive and prideful person, even before Shit Got Bad, so when he (and the server more broadly) started taking things farther and farther, committing acts that he likely would have considered Too Far in the past, he responded by by digging his heals in. Because This Was Totally the Plan All Along Guys. If nothing else, c!Dream is a goddamn master of Committing To The Bit.

It’s what gives his character it’s tragedy. Because he would truly be happier just hanging out with his friends. But in the end, /he’s/ the one who cuts them off, not because of anything Tommy or anyone else did, but because he was scared that keeping them around would make him vulnerable. He becomes so blinded by his stubborn attachment (heh) to his own plans and power and this idea of godhood that not only does he ruin the lives of those around him, he ruins his /own/ life too.

And you’re telling me. That Dream, the same Dream that has tortured and abused multiple people, who has gotten /himself/ tortured and jailed, who cut off his friendships, ruined his own reputation on purpose and literally /died/ multiple times all in service of a plan that /he could’ve abandoned himself at multiple points/, That Dream, suddenly decides he gonna call it all off after a 15 minute conversation? Really?

And to be clear, I’m not saying that it feels unrealistic for Dream to regret his actions. In fact, I think it’s likely a part of him has regretted them since he started doing them. But Dream’s reaction to things going wrong has always been to either deflect or dig his heels in. To convince himself that it’s worth it. And above all, to never show Anyone that regret, because that would mean being vulnerable.

C!Tommy ‘understanding his motives’ wouldn’t make c!Dream happy or willing to listen to him, in fact it feels more in line with his character for him to be deeply angered and disturbed by this. There’s no way I can believe that c!Dream would want anyone, much less c!tommy, seeing what he likely considers to be deeply personal memories. C!Dream may want to be understood deep down, but that desire is overwhelmed by his crushing fear of being known. It’s why he cut off c!george and c!Sapnap in the first place, and why he’s dodgy in acknowledging c!Punz as more than just an ally. To c!dream, being understood means being hurt. It means giving someone else control over you.

And maybe c!Dream could overcome this, could realize he was only hurting himself and everyone around him, could realize that /this wasn’t really what he wanted/ but not in 15 goddamn minutes. Not when, from his perspective, his plan had finally come to fruition and he was in a position to obtain Goddamn Immortality. The Only Reason c!Dream was written to have such a quick turn around was because cc!Dream wanted to soften his character at the last second, despite his entire arc before this being built on him essentially sunk-cost-fallacying himself into self destructing and dragging everyone down with him.

Justice for c!Dream. In my heart of hearts you died drunk on your own hubris attempting to become an immortal death god.

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

180 degrees longitude passes through us - Episode 8 (The Final)

Or how I call it: 180 ways of feeling pain...

The finale probably left us all somewhat disturbed, sad, in despair, or even dissatisfied. I, for example, still wonder where exactly the catharsis is supposed to be that was talked about beforehand. In parts, I can see it in Wang. After venting out his pain, anger and sadness, he can now look forward. He is aware that time is on his side. And at the same time, that's one of the most desperate statements I've ever heard. However, as the daughter of a toxic father, I can understand him so well. Sometimes you learn very late in life what you really want and that you should be in charge of your own life. Some people can live this out and others are prevented by social norms or other circumstances from living their own lives. It took me a long time to understand that I was not born to fulfill someone else's demands or expectations. Wang understood this at 22, but still he is trapped in this world. He can't leave Mol because he is trapped by her and can't escape her (yet). Wang has grown up with her, has assimilated her manipulations and the feelings of guilt live very actively in him.

In - a broken character. In was my heart bearer throughout the entire journey. I have seen many posts where he is hated for not responding, for lethargically accepting everything and yes that is frustrating, but even though people can change, it often does not happen overnight. It is a process. In is locked in his own thought prison. He has his internalised homophobia; he hates himself for the wounds he did to Mol and Wang and especially Siam. The guilt is really eating away at him. It has been drilled into him that his love is wrong and not normal. So much that at one point he believed it himself. He couldn't open up to Siam, whom he certainly loved more than anything, and can't change for or because of Wang. He grew up in a generation that was not as open to homosexuality as today's. You see this over and over again in the character of Mol. Her views are outdated and conservative. And you have to remember, In is her generation.

He lives love in theory. He has understood it in theory, but cannot see beyond thinking about it philosophically. But what is the use of love in thought? So In remains lonely. Not able to articulate his feelings for Wang and that, although he otherwise knows something to say about everything. But as before, when he has revealed too much of himself or let Wang get too close, he falls silent. Not only does his mouth go silent, it's as if his entire body falls silent. It becomes incredibly clear how he is trapped in his mind, almost punishing himself for being so close to Wang. A life of self-flagellation. The secluded life he leads is also a form of self-punishment. I find it hard to believe that he has ever felt physical and emotional closeness to anyone. He learned early on that his love is a danger, to himself but even more so to others. His love or love for him brings pain. So he closed himself off to it and that belief is so deeply ingrained in him. Wang may have shown him that he is loved, that he is desired, but on the other shoulder sat Mol with her views and confirmed In in his thinking that he is wrong, that he is not normal and that he is to blame for Siam dying and Wang no longer having a father and her not being able to experience a happy love. In is a deeply desperate character and I feel for him. I don't hate him and the ending came as no surprise. His inability to act or love and forgive himself was made clear early on. I would have liked a better ending for him. I would have at least hoped for him to cross that fucking bridge. If not with Wang waiting at the other end, then at least alone, as a kind of forgiveness and the beginning of healing and self-love. But we were denied that, because that's not how it works most of the time. People remain in their cages, trapped in their spirals of thought and hurt, unable to see beyond their own wounds. And that is human. Wang has made it abundantly clear that there will be no chance for In. He will never be able to talk about his feelings, because to articulate his feelings is to make them real. If you don't articulate something, it doesn't become true. He didn't even express that Siam was in love with him. He could not express it, because then he would not have been able to hide from the truth of those words. However, because of Wang, this illusion was shattered. You saw it in episode 7, how much it took his breath away when Wang spoke the truth, put it on the table like an open wound. If In had spoken out how he felt about Wang, he wouldn't have been able to go back to his little prison. The truth would be out there and his heart would be present as an open wound for all to see. Only by not expressing it he can protect himself and in his mind also Wang. Because as mentioned before, nothing good comes from his love, only sorrow and pain and he can't do that to Wang. Just as he could not do it to Siam without understanding that his love could have been the healing, but that is not the path In has chosen. He has chosen to believe that his love is evil.

Mol. I can't find anything good about her character. Is she a good mother? I think she thinks so. She thinks she is doing everything for her son and knows what is best for him. She projects so much of her feelings and desires onto Wang, which she associates with Siam. Is her love not enough? Can't she be enough for Wang? Why does it have to be In, of all people? Wang is the image of his father. In was overwhelmed by this fact and was once again driven into an emotional spiral of self-loathing and despair. What should Mol do then? She loved Siam and became desperate at his rejection of her. On the one hand, she gave Wang away, pushed him aside, and on the other hand, she made him so dependent on herself and her opinion that he could not get away from her emotionally. Even his brief rebellion she stamps down by making him feel guilty. Alone, Wang cannot win the battle against her. I'm not saying she did everything with full consciousness. Toxic and narcissistic people sometimes act intuitively. They know what buttons to push to get the best result for themselves. Toxic parents do not see their behavior as bad or wrong, because they only see their own point of view. They cannot put themselves in their children's shoes. They are not aware that they are causing pain through their behavior. They also don't realize that this behavior can lead to a rupture in the end until it is too late. And then they themselves are not to blame, because they always wanted only the best for their child. The child is ungrateful or has changed negatively. And Mol has not shown a bit of change during the whole time. Her views towards homosexuals have not changed just because her son is gay. She continues to think In is disgusting. She did give Wang a hug when he broke down, but even that didn't feel right to me. As an emotionally unavailable mother with narcissistic tendencies, she is there when her son is in pain, but not when he tells her he is in love. She can only be there for him when he is sad, when he needs her. If he is happy, there is a danger that he will drift away, that he might leave her. Her greatest fear. But if he is hurt, then she feels needed. Then she can give him the closeness he wants so much. The fact that she is so negative towards his love for In leaves a bitter taste in my mouth in this scene, because she has won. Wang has come to her to cry by her side, to sleep in her bed and not with In. She emerges from the ring as the winner at the expense of everyone else.

I would have so much liked to see a real conversation between the two. One in which Mol at least takes the first step to change her view. Instead, the next day we see the same excited person she was before. She walks the same path as she did before. She simply ignores the giant pink elephant in the room. Ignorance is her greatest strength. Because again, if you don't talk about it, it's no longer true. If you don't accept it, it's not true. Still, the relationship between her and Wang has changed. She may continue to pretend they are a sworn team, she the cool mom and he the obedient son, but Wang is now just waiting until an opportunity presents itself for him to escape her clutches. In was not the way, but time is on Wang's side, his time will come. And Mol will not change. As long as she tries to compare Wang to Siam and lock him up so he won't run away from her, she can't find healing. It's not just that she hasn't gotten over Siam's death, she hasn't gotten over being rejected by him, that her love wasn't accepted. Her love was not enough. And I don't think she can find that healing without professional help. But for that, she would first have to recognize and realize that her actions are unhealthy for herself and for others. And toxic parents with narcissistic dispositions rarely do that. She will not be able to put her past behind her by trying to ignore and repress everything. But that is her path. And on this path, in the end, there is no more room for Wang. She will realize that sooner or later, but then it will be too late and she will be all alone.

Wang. My brave little Wang. He is fighting a desperate battle to be heard. His time will come. But when? When Mol is dead? Can his chains be broken sooner? Until he is ready to break with Mol and escape the cycle of guilt so as not to end up like In, he will remain locked up in Bangkok, by Mol's side. Of course, he goes into the rest of his life with different attitudes than In. Wang has accepted the fact that he loves men and sees it as normal. Something that In cannot do. Wang articulates his needs, he makes things real by expressing them, and he is not afraid to do so. And yet, he is not free. He goes back to Bangkok together with Mol and he doesn't know when he will leave this city again. This is the most desperate thing of the whole series. It lived on Wang dreaming of traveling from north to south, experiencing something, leaving his realms, and yet he's stuck there. So when can Wang be free? In his mind, he already is. And yet his mother's watchful hand hovers over him. Growing up with such a person shapes you. It is indeed realistic for him to return with her and stay with her. One feels responsible for the other person, for their happiness and peace of mind. At least until you realize that you are not responsible for it, that the person only has it in his own hands. Shit, it took me so many years to understand that I'm not responsible for other people's happiness if it means giving myself up in the process. And even then, the process of cutting the cord is far from done. Understanding it still doesn't mean that you can escape the spiral of guilt so easily.

Mol, not realizing that her actions will do more harm than good, will not change. Wang will be permanently hurt by her. And in the end, it's up to him to decide what his relationship with his mother will be. I just hope that he will not stop listening to his intuition. While the older generation try to undermine their intuition and ignore everything that could be, not to speak it out, so not to let it come true, Wang wanted nothing more than to do exactly that. But every fighter has his limits. I hope Mol doesn't destroy Wang further on his way to his true self. Even if Wang is strong, everyone can only take a certain amount of hits before going down. Yes, you have to bleed before it gets better, because you're constantly learning and falling flat on your face, but that doesn't just apply to the younger generation. I can now talk to my father about his toxic behavior. That doesn't mean he'll change it, because it's too ingrained in him, but he understands better that I too have needs and can be hurt by words or actions. I think that's an improvement already. The ending of the series, on the other hand, is so unsatisfying. It makes it seem like there is no hope. Wang can't be free until his mother is dead or he cuts her off so she can no longer imprison him. In will never be free because his wounds are too deep and can't be healed nor does he want to. Mol will not change and will continue to suppress everything that does not suit her.

As mentioned at the beginning, I am still looking for the catharsis.

Realistic or not. The end is devastating and for me so negatively drawn, even if Wang will get over In. For me, that was not the point of this story either. It's the struggle to be yourself, to love freely, to be understood, to be forgiven, to be loved. At least that's what I thought. In the end I remain hopeless.

What remains at the bitter end? I give you the world.

In gives Wang the book on the philosophical theory of love. It is a part of him. The philosophy, the theoretical love, these are parts of In that he will give to Wang (I really had the unrealistic idea for a brief moment that he's going to say bring it back to me when you're done reading, but well....). The book represents the most emotional part of In. He loves philosophy and that is something that will bond the two of them forever.

Wang, on the other hand, gives him the world. If he can't leave his own prison, he should at least be able to hold the world in his hands and dream about it. And that is something that Wang loves more than anything. Not only this little globe in particular as a gift from his father, but also the freedom it embodies. It is Wang's most emotional possession. It is his heart that he leaves with In and at the same time it is a connection to Siam. Since Wang has found his father within himself on this journey, he can pass it on without remorse, and now In has something to remind him of the two big loves of his life.

[uuujeewriting]

should have [xiao oneshot]

tw: mentions of self harm and suicide, mental health issues and angst with a bit of fluff

xiao x gn! reader

a/n: first post on the blog! decided to show some xiao love and u h angst ehe. sorry for the downer but i haven’t been doing so well and meds don’t do much DDDX

i would like to clarify that if any of these scenarios/hc's of mine are similar to other writers' works, it is unintentional and i apologize

“reckless thing, you are-” the yaksha huffs and ceases his own words as he coughs at your impact on his chest. “how many times have i reminded you to stop running up or down the stairs?” he scowls. you know he means well.

“ah, sorry xiao,” you chuckle, “i’m just excited to see you, is all.” you push yourself off the chest that caught you and peered gleefully at the male. he seems annoyed to the unknowing mortals passing by, but as a person who has spent half their time ‘pestering’ (as he says) the adeptus, you can quickly tell that he was merely relieved and was trying to hide it—although he’d rather deal with karmic debt twice his own than to admit such fondness for you. “thanks by the way.”

xiao diverts his gaze onto the railing of the stairs, “this is the fourth time this week that you’ve gotten yourself into dangerous and careless situations. are you sure you’re keeping an eye out for yourself?” he interrogates you as if he were your guardian, which he might as well be, you nod earnestly at his question.

“don’t worry about me, i’d never dream of leaving you alone.” you giggle. this answer of yours urged the adeptus to cringe and tell you to stop thinking like you’re all important and whatnot, but he knew he’d be lying if he said you weren’t someone he treasures deeply. “i swear on it!” you add.

“hmph, fine.” he begins to walk away, stopping for a second. xiao hesitates to take the next step without a word and decides to leave you with a message,

“if you ever find yourself in trouble, no matter how small or big–if you know that it’ll cause you any harm, call out my name. i’ll be there.”

you appreciated that.

to be fair, xiao did not bring up his concern because of your recent recklessness, but how dim you seem in comparison to how you were before. yes, you still smiled brightly, but the lanterns in the sky easily outshines you. your eyes still held warmth, but warmth that fleeted every now and then if not focused on the adeptus’. he worried that something was gnawing at the back of your mind and causing said recklessness as of current. 

he knows mortals are weak, fragile, and although he does not look down on you too much, he still feels the need to protect you from even the slightest of disturbances, which is what led to his conclusion now; to check up on you.

‘where in teyvat are they?’ xiao furrows his eyebrows in frustration as he knocks on the door to your house for the sixth time.as he reaches out to knock once more, he flinches slightly when the door opens.

what the hell?

“oh! xiao, what are you doing here?” you smile. 

he could see how distressed you are, even from a mile away, he presumes. you look weaker, thinner and definitely worse than three days ago. eyes as dull as a blank canvas that hasn’t been acknowledged by it’s artist for years, limbs as frail as a dried flower’s petals. what in archons happened to you?

“y/n, what in the seven happened? what’s with your weak physique? you clearly haven’t been taking care of yourself.” he moves to grab your arm but you draw it back quickly before he could catch it. he grows more and more irritated as your silence greets his question, left to be unanswered.

“i’m sorry, xiao, but could you leave me be for a while? i’ll visit you soon, i promise!” 

ah, there you go again with your promises.

“why the hell would i leave after seeing you on the brink of fainting? someone has to look out for you if you aren’t going to yourself!” he exclaims as he grows more and more livid by the second. 

you huff in annoyance, “why do you care? you have millions of other people to save, you shouldn’t get distracted by one you can’t do anything about.” 

xiao clicks his tongue in extreme disappointment as he doesn’t seem to get through you. “you don’t get it at all, do you?” 

“you don’t get it either, xiao.”

silence envelops the air between you as you bask in infuriatingly awkward stillness. xiao knows he doesn’t get it, you know you’ll never understand him either. it’s hopeless.

after a few minutes or what felt like a decade, you speak up. 

“..hey, can you accompany me somewhere?” you catch his attention. he raises a brow in skepticism, as it is the middle of the night. “it won’t take long.”

he sighs quietly and nods, nudging his head to silently signal you to lead the way. he might as well accompany you instead of going off on a tangent about how you worry him too much.

you arrive at the windrise tree, the breeze nipping gently at your exposed legs. xiao eyes you from behind and bites his tongue despite his urge to berate you.

you sit down at the base of the windrise tree, letting out a long sigh of relief as you stretch your legs. the adeptus hesitates for a second but ultimately decides to sit down beside you.

this time, he’s the first to break the ice.

“what is your purpose of going here with me?” he doesn’t meet your eyes that snap to him quickly at his question. 

there are multiple reasons as to why you might have wanted to visit windrise, some being that you wanted to take a breather after a heated argument, taking a stroll after an exhausting week or even just needing a fresh scenery for a change. all of these reasons and yet, nothing could have prepared him for the words that came next.

“it could be the last time i’ll see this place again.” you smile fondly, despite the rather depressing statement you had just made. 

the yaksha froze up. ‘last time? are you moving?’

could it be that you’re leaving him? when you said you never dared to even think of it?

perhaps the fatui were after you?

were you in danger?

his mind listed a myriad of possibilities, all of them he wished were not true. he was still trying to wrap his head around what you just said. when you finally take into account his stiffness and silence, you forced out a chuckle. 

“yeah, i’ll be gone by tomorrow.”

he shouldn’t have done what he did next.

“..xiao? are you-”

he cut you off by standing up and glaring at you.

your heart dropped at his gaze.

it was one of the most intimidating but hurtful looks he’d ever made in your presence. his eyes screamed in unsaid fury and his face was etched in borderline offense. looking down. you see both his fists clenched in a tight grip of nothing. his form was trembling in anger, almost making you mistake yourself for one of the millions of demonic figures he rinsed the land of. 

“don’t ever show yourself again.”

noted. and he’s gone.

you stare at your scarred arms and wrists. 

‘it won’t be long now.’

xiao regrets it now, is all.

[couches]

plz don’t talk to me about this post

damn when was the last time i made a post. LMAO this shit looks bad on desktop holy fuck

just checking in. i’m doing bad.

i have a place i do my journaling but i don’t know why i wanted this post to go out to more than just the void. i feel like i’ve needed a win for like the past few months and i just have not gotten one. not to say nothing good is going on in my life because the same things that have always been going well (my relationship, my friends, my parents’ health, my job, my dog) are doing really well. my mental health has just been doing really terribly and it’s been so difficult to focus on the good. you may remember bpd as the adhd or autism of the 2010′s and ya girl is still eating shit daily. 

the holidays are always tough for me, and things somehow went worse than i expected this year. i’ve been really missing camille even though i see her more frequently than ever, it’s just been hard being this far into our relationship and comparing it to my friends who get to spend the holidays together or who have normal families who are accepting and excited about their child’s s/o. i always feel lonely during christmas but i felt even lonelier still feeling so far away from being able to spend holidays or any happy days with the person i love and who i’m spending the rest of my life with. it just really, really hurts sometimes. (all the time) 

i don’t even really want to talk about my brother being annoying because that’s just the status quo. he cussed at me when we were in the car and i actually had to breathe deeply because my anger was actually about to get out of control LOL. i just had to stay quiet and breathe. and then when i got home i just stayed in my room and cried. and then i was thinking about camille’s sisters and how horrible they are to her and it made me cry more. [putting this vaguely cuz i don’t wanna divulge her family info in my own post] i’m glad things are resolved for the sake of her peace but i still have so much anger in my heart about it and i think hearing about it on the same day where i already was feeling so angry and hurt and alone just made me even more upset. i just can’t believe it’s been a month of them (especially the younger one) ignoring her and acting like she’s a ghost in their house. she didn’t even look up to acknowledge me when i visited and that was enough to make me pissed off and i don’t even give a fuck because she’s not my sister so imagine how much it would hurt if she was. i just feel really disturbed by the whole thing and i don’t ever want to be in the same space as them again, still. 

i just couldn’t stop crying last night because i felt really frustrated about feeling anger and hatred LOL. believe it or not... i hate feeling that way! and i just feel really consumed by my anger these days. i feel like i used to be such a happy and forgiving and kind person and now i look in the mirror and i don’t even see that. i see someone who is bitter and angry all the time. i know it’s because i’ve become more passionate about injustice, personally and globally, but sometimes i just feel so tired. i feel like no one else shares my pain and i’m wrong. i feel crazy. even though my therapist always tells me i’m not and always tells me that how i feel makes sense. i just feel like i’m crazy and i’m screaming at the top of my lungs and no one can hear me. but then when people do hear me i feel like i have to minimize myself and what i’m feeling because i don’t want to share this burden. the burden of not knowing what the fuck is wrong with me!!!!! 

i saw this quote that was saying like, is the real you the one who did that horrible thing, or the one who feels awful about the horrible thing you did? and i know that i am forever a compassionate person who can accept my mistakes and flaws and who knows that radical love and empathy is the key to growth and joy. but i just can’t stop being consumed by my feelings these days. i know i can’t help how i feel but i can help how i react. but god it’s so hard... 

i don’t mean this in a derogatory way toward myself, but it’s crazy that i’m 25 still making posts the same way i did when i was 15. just depressed, confused, hating myself, and on tumblr.

[skelezomperman]

An apology about comments made about Three Houses users on Tumblr

Hello,

I never use this platform to post, however I have decided to make a post to apologize about a comment that I made about a certain sector of the Three Houses community on Tumblr and a message I made towards a different user. I will not name those people directly to preserve their anonymity, however I have decided to post on Tumblr in case anyone cannot see my apology on Reddit.

To summarize briefly, on Monday August 15th I made a message to a user on Tumblr whom I had never interacted with beforehand. I was angered by some of the behavior that I have seen occur in the Three Houses community, especially a harassment incidents that I saw, and I wanted to try to do something to change it. I messaged that user because I found in particular a concerning trend that a specific 3H fanfic kept getting criticized, and I perceived it as obsessive. I thought it would be easy to reach out and try to form dialogue especially compared to reaching out to certain other users who have done much worse. However, I at the time I recognized that it could have been perceived in a harsher tone, and in retrospect I should not have sent a random message out like that.

Secondly, on Reddit I vented about the entire harassment situation, especially since I had initially made a vent post on Discord about it that was met with an angry wall of text talking about how a specific incident “wasn’t harassment” and that the person harmed by it was victimizing themselves. My frustrations were with all the sides, but I ended up saying “weird Tumblr people.” While I did not intend to characterize anyone as “weird” and meant that their behavior was “weird,” I recognize that it was perceived as denigrating people and that was wrong.

In summation, I extend a heartfelt apology to anyone who has felt harmed by that message or by my comments. I acknowledge that “weird Tumblr people” was a poor choice of words and I acknowledge that contacting someone that I had never met before was a poor way to try to mend over things. I also apologize for speaking authoritatively as if I had all the context on this when I do not. That was a poor choice too.

I would like to conclude by clarifying two things. Firstly, I did this in my personal capacity, not as a moderator of the Fire Emblem subreddit. I wish for you to extend all your ire on me rather than on my colleagues who do a tremendous job. Secondly, I did not intend to take a side in the Three Houses fandom. I do not associate with any character-specific subreddits. I also do not condone the behavior I have seen from specific sub-communities on Reddit, and I find the behavior of some users from said communities to be deeply disturbing.

I hope that this is sufficient explanation, and I ask you to please forgive me for my words and my actions. However, if you still want to talk further, I ask that you attempt to contact me at skelezomperman@gmail.com so I can handle any inquiries there.

Sincerely, Skele